#and three more characters that desperately need renaming

[strawberryslips]

General Figuring Out Designs Sketches

[slimehatart]

Hello everyone!

Today's post will show you some of my earlier sketches where I tried planning out the meeting of a new addition to the party!

(original Tweet: "A couple of hand drawn doodles I wanted to draw digitally for the sake of doing a warm-up!

They are OCs of my story (that has had like six major arcs in my head now but none on paper lol). Click on the alt texts to learn more about them! Ah if you knew about them what I know....", August 20th, 2022)

So, as I told you last time, Liora leaves that prestigious guild, along with Victorine and Hertz (who would later be renamed to Sarim, so I'm going to call him that after this point). After some recollection, she is going to operate from Victorine's motel, trying to earn her own name with her own guild. It's just that... well, there are no members yet! There is Victorine who has no combat abilities at all, Liora who has avoided danger at all costs and Sarim who is trying to earn money in other, less harmful ways.

In the meantime, Miles, the Mii Brawler with the slime, joins the group. At this point of the story, I wasn't really sure how to let him join and at what point, but what I knew was that the first four members of the guild would be them. Someday, they find a letter in their mail. Some old guy from the other side of the town is asking all kinds of guilds for their support. His youngest daughter seems to have been possessed by a demon or something like that.

Liora, who thinks this seems like a pretty unserious mission, accepts in her desperation. She needs the money, after all. So she sends Miles to the old guy to get a first impression on the situation. There, he meets another guy who looks like a solitary adventurer. Turns out, the old guy didn't only send an invitation letter to Liora's guild, but put up a huuuge note on the community board hoping to get as much as help as possible to lift the curse on his daughter.

(Previously unreleased sketch of the old guy and his three daughters. July 23rd, 2021)

The old guy owns a medium sized pub or restaurant that he runs on a family business basis. He thinks his youngest daughter, who would serve the guests, caught a curse since and says she's getting more gruesome with each passing day. He claims it's been getting so bad his guests will not come visit anymore. His other daughters will happily bully the youngest sibling.

(original Tweet: "Daily practice piece. Feel like drawing (almost) daily makes my drawings look cleaner with each try, even if it's just sketches & flat colours.

I get a better grasp of how to draw my characters & the routine & drawing regularly makes my attempts & progress more efficient, I feel.", July 23rd, 2021)

However, the girl seems pretty fine, so the group is at a loss at first. After a day of spectating the girl and her family dynamic, Miles and the adventurer make their way back home. Liora comes to pick up Miles which is when she and the new guy are introduced, at last.

(Previously unreleased sketch of Liora and the new guy; Liora is dressed up as Rinoa Heartily from Final Fantasy VIII which was just a choice for the fun of it. July 23rd, 2021)

To be honest, I initially planned this mission as an opportunity to introduce the man who would be named Risebert to the main party. I was wondering how their paths might cross and I wanted to make sure that he, with is simp qualities, would make sense in a guild and missions setting, so having him attend the same mission as Miles made sense since the mission's objective was to lift a curse off a young maiden.

Clearly, I've drawn inspiration from the simp trope for Risebert's new reincarnation. He has been a reoccurring character ever since the earlier sketches. From originally being hedonistic he has changed to simp for a pretty long time. I have toned this quality down a bit because I think there's always a very thin line between funny and annoying / borderline harassing in the in-story universe such as seen with Sanji from One Piece. Don't get me wrong, Sanji is one of my favourite Strawhats, but the way his worst qualities are portrayed, especially after the time skip in Fishman Island, was very off-putting. It has become an even more prominent personality trait during that time because it was used as a running gag so frequently, but it has reached such heights that it started to affect the character in my opinion. Another great example for a flanderized simp character in such extent is Pokémon's Brock. I didn't want that for my character, to be honest.

In my newest iterations of the character, I plan Risebert to be significantly less simpy. There will be no or at least much less heart-eyes love jumps such as shown in the sketch above, and I want him to be more flirty and charming which I think is when Sanji, for example, is most brilliant at, too.

Also, besides the introduction of Risebert to the party, I wanted a simpler mission to kick-start the beginning of Liora's guild and establish the dynamics between guild members without having to concentrate on a complicated plot. I think I need to think up scenarios where single members are paired together to showcase their dynamics more. In my head, they're already chosen family to each other, but this is something only I know and find logical since I am the one who has been spending the last years with them and their evolution.

However, upon meeting Liora, Risebert seems to fall head over heels for her and takes an interest in the party. This goes so far that he will soon be a constant guest in Victorine's motel, too. The curse of the ugly sibling, however, turns out to be true in the end. It will be revealed that the girl does indeed have an aura of darkness around her which was a point in the story I brought up to introduce another key element in the story then - in the world of my story, people were originally going to be "cursed". By curse, I mean getting strange powers really, comparable to devil fruits, magic powers yada yada. It was a way to make sure the reader knew something was coming up with the curse thing, but I have dropped this concept in later stages of my planning.

There are still special powers involved, but they're implemented in another way. I still remember so clearly how Risebert was supposed to join the party in this arc, but I have other plans for him now! He also has his own motivations and goals and I think I will introduce him properly in another blog entry.

As always, it was very fun to cover yet another part of my story! I think as soon as I've caught up to the other Tweets and older art, I will try to create a timeline-post where I talk about the order of events that lead to what is going to be. But this is for another day. Thank you again for reading! I hope to be seeing you soon, again!

[mr-and-mr-diaz]

Episode 4x04 Thoughts

Okay, dead brother? It's a *little* soap opera-y. HOWEVER, this could be balanced and well handled, so long as the writers, directors, and editors keep a firm grip on the tone. They were heading that way this episode with the amount of humor they infused in the telling of the secret, but by dragging it out the whole episode it got a little melodramatic.

I will say though, the Big Secret isn't *entirely* out of nowhere. We've known since Maddie was introduced that their home situation is... Unusual, and definitely lacking in support, which becomes all the more evident when the Buckley siblings go through crisis and near-death situations and there's just CRICKETS where the parents should be. (Like, yeah Eddie's parents overstep left, right, and center but at least they *showed up.*) The point being, yeah this is dramatic, but it’s not like TA-DA! DRAMA because it has a decent foundation in existing canon. So  even though there was zero clue or mention of a dead family member beforehand, the more than I think about it, the more I think there are enough building blocks to support it if everyone's careful.

Also, it’s not new for 9-1-1 to be this dramatic either. All the traumas that other characters have experienced, the way the writers handled them, the amount of drama and melodrama allowed? We’ve been here before. This is definitely one of the more dramatic arcs, but I think it can hold. 9-1-1 has walked this path before and we will walk it again! (We might sign for custody of the characters when we're done, but we're gonna see it through.)

Admittedly, I'm still too close to the new episode, it's too fresh in my head. As soon as I refine this shit down and it joins the rest of canon in my brain, I'll reassess. 

Right now I'm gonna go rewatch because this episode had some GEMS!

Buckley siblings being there for each other, even though they're a little awkward at it, the love and good intentions and fear of screwing up and causing MORE pain was always the motivation.

The Han siblings trying their best to be there for the Buckley siblings. It was ADORABLE, and beautiful to see. Even if being there meant physically running away (I see you Albert helping your bro keep a secret! Also damn, you can sprint!!)

Chimney trying his HARDEST to keep the secret. Did he succeed? Not by most people's metric, there were A LOT of slip-ups, but none of us can claim we didn't see real effort there.

The entire firefam helping Chim keep Buck's secret. They knew it would take the *lightest* prompting for him to explode with it, but instead never asked and made sure he wouldn't tell. Extra shout out to Hen, who had it literally DANGLED in front of her and was like "Nope!" That shit is DIFFICULT to do

Eddie and Buck playing The Hardy Boys (y'know if the Hardy Boys flirted with each other while solving crimes.) That was hilarious, it's fun when Eddie gets off his Dad/Military-Man horse to screw around with Buck, and I'm pretty sure Buck's one of the few people who get that side out of him. It was funny and cute!

May being a total BADASS at the 9-1-1 center! Woman, you have EARNED your solo run and then some! Cool, calm and collected is our May and reaching out for assistance and counseling as needed. 100/100 for communication, my friend!

Bobby being there for May!! Loved that! His perspective on being a first responder sounds like it might be more helpful for her than Athena's, and that isn't shade on Athena. They just are different people, and I think her step-dad telling her it was okay to feel bad without also taking unearned blame. It helped her cope.

Shout-out to Michael. It takes a big man to step up and offer a solution. It takes a bigger man to admit--especially to his own child--that he might not have the solution. That moment of "this isn't really my field of expertise so I can't advise but I'm here and I love and support you anyway"? That is some delectable shit right there, three thumbs up.

Second shout-out to Chimney this episode! His handling of the bomber was f-ing brilliant on so many levels!! Getting Eddie out of harm's way. Talking the bomber down, distracting him, he de-escalated the situation single-handed and ALSO found an outlet to vent about Buck that wouldn't cause him harm. Genius! And HYSTERICAL.

Eddie's growth! He's past the hitting out his feelings phase, and he's reaching out to make sure Buck doesn't follow that path. Also, trying to make room for Buck to talk about what's bothering him? Standing back and giving him space when he didn't want to talk? He was there for him so good.

Shout-out to Buck for speaking his mind! Notice this: he swallowed so much shit against himself, but the thing that made him break the first time? Is when they were hurting his sister. His protective instincts are very strong, we see it in his job as well. But the second time he spoke out?? That was for himself. PEOPLE we got Buck sticking up for himself to the people he is DESPERATE for acceptance from and that is one of the most difficult things to do. Dare I call this the emerging of Buck 3.0? And I suspect we'll see more in the upcoming episode.

In conclusion, I think the 118 should be renamed Bobby Nash's Home for Kids with Shit Parents. We got Eddie, Chim, Buck. At this point can we just assume that Hen's parents are shit as well? And then there's Bobby, like he knows he's got step-kids, but does he realize just how many? He must, he cooks dinner for all of them every day... Right?

Next episode I'm looking forward to:

Good tone and pacing that steers clear of melodrama while still delivering tasty dramatic beautiful emotional moments.

The firefam proving to Buck that they love him, accept him, and have his back

Buck realizing he doesn't need his parents in order to feel whole. A continuing growth arc where he is able to acknowledge his feelings and ask for what he needs.

A good balance between the emergencies and the personal moments. After episode 1, the focus has HEAVILY been on the personal, leaving the emergencies to fit themselves in where they can. Obviously not expecting next episode to rebalance that scale, it's a Begins episode, but after that? Back to business.

This is a Buddie wish: continue to see these fun moments between them that we're seeing this whole season. All the banter. I REALLY hope Eddie and Chris get a chance to show up for Buck the way he's showed up for them so many times without undermining Buck's personal journey or ability to stand on his own two feet.

I REALLY hope Bobby gets a moment to be the dad Buck needs. That would be beautiful and so necessary for Buck. His heart is so big, he needs to know who he can trust with it.

I'm sorry 9-1-1 writers. Your job is thankless and my demands are MANY. But I still have high hopes for next week!

Whoever made it to the end of this, thank you. It was supposed to be like a paragraph, I swear, but... Well, here we are. I'll probably write more throughout the week as I process, too. I'd love to know your thoughts as well, hmu!

[another-rogue-trevelyan]

If you liked Dragon Age Masterlist

If you’re anything like me, you’re into niche market, high fantasy, single player RPGs, preferably with a historical setting and romance options. So if you’re looking for a new game, here I am with some suggestions!

Sorted by studio:

Bethesda:

Oblivion (2006)

“In the shadow of evil, a hero will rise from the ashes of a fallen empire. The gates have been opened, and the battle has begun. Only one thing can save the world from Mehrunes Dagon and the demonic hordes of Oblivion. The true heir of the Septim line must be found and restored to the Imperial throne. The fate of the world rests in the hands of one. Find him, and shut the jaws of Oblivion.”

The Elder Scrolls series were my gateway into RPGs and hold a special place in my heart. Oblivion features a wide open world, immersive combat, and the ability to customize race, class, and gender.

Skyrim (2011)

“The Empire of Tamriel is on the edge. The High King of Skyrim has been murdered. Alliances form as claims to the throne are made. In the midst of this conflict, a far more dangerous, ancient evil is awakened. Dragons, long lost to the passages of the Elder Scrolls, have returned to Tamriel. The future of Skyrim, even the Empire itself, hangs in the balance as they wait for the prophesized Dragonborn to come; a hero born with the power of The Voice, and the only one who can stand amongst the dragons.”

I have sunk so many hours into this game and still have not experienced all there is to experience. Just like Oblivion, Skyrim offers the ability to customize your character and find a play style that suits you. A huge open world offers tons of opportunity for exploration and questing. You could play this game many, many hours and not even touch the main quest if you wanted to.

BioWare:

Mass Effect Legendary Edition (2021)

Just do it. Just fucking do it I’m still sobbing I’ve never had a game wreck me in this way. I might possibly like it more than Dragon Age which feels sacrilegious to say but it was so good. You follow Commander Shepard (customizable) for three whole games and the choices have serious consequences. Also, romance. Truthfully this might be the most well written storyline I’ve ever seen in a video game. Also, same studio as Dragon Age.

CD Projekt:

The Witcher III: Wild Hunt (2015)

I’ll let the website description speak for itself, but Witcher III was good enough that I didn’t mind being forced to play as a man (those who know me know that I exclusively prefer to play women and often dislike games where I can’t do so)! The characters that make up this story are captivating and suck you into their world, leaving you with some tough choices to make. Also, bonus points for romance! (Yen is one of my all time favorite characters, Triss never stood a chance for me. Sorry Triss fans 😂)

Larian:

Divinity Original Sin 2 (2017)

“The Divine is dead. The Void approaches. And the powers lying dormant within you are soon to awaken. Choose your role in a BAFTA-winning story, and explore a world that reacts to who you are, and the choices you make. With five races to choose from, and an adventure playable solo or as a party of up to four, lay waste to an oppressive order in a world afraid of magic. Become the God the world so desperately needs.”

Full disclosure, I have not finished playing this one yet and will update when I do, but what I’ve played so far has been great! A classic, turn-based RPG that allows you a wide range of character customization. I find this game incredibly satisfying to be a rogue (my preferred class) because it lets me live my dream of throwing knives at people. Also, romance!

Baldur’s Gate III beta (2020)

“An ancient evil has returned to Baldur's Gate, intent on devouring it from the inside out. The fate of Faerûn lies in your hands. Alone, you may resist. But together, you can overcome. Gather your party.”

Fair warning, as of my most recent update to this post (March 30th, 2021) this game is still in a beta phase, which means it is NOT complete and has aspects that are missing, glitchy, or subject to change. With that being said, I’m so obsessed. It’s so, so good already and is only getting better. Another wide open world to explore with a group of companions with strong and sometimes clashing personalities, choices are abundant in this game and will affect how your party members think of you. This game so far gives me the feeling that choices are complicated and aren’t always easy to tell which is morally right, which I personally love. Also, I can be a sarcastic ass with a good heart, which is always fun. Astarion basically owns me now, but if you can resist him there are plentiful other romance choices as well! Customization is already a wider range than I’ve seen in most RPGs and they haven’t even finished the character creator yet, which has me SO excited for the finished product. Also - good hair?!??!! I love it!

Lionhead:

Fable III (2010)

“Lead a revolution to take control of Albion, fight alongside your people, and experience love and loss while preparing to defend the kingdom against a looming threat. Your choices as ruler will lead to consequences felt across the entire land.”

I’ll be honest, this one isn’t my favorite on the list, but was good enough to still make it! This game allows you to choose between playing as the prince or the princess on a quest to save your kingdom from itself, and then a greater threat as well. The game takes place in a kingdom loosely modeled after industrial England, and what did score it some major points were (SPOILER WARNING - skip the purple if you don’t want to know!) that the last act of the game lets you play as the monarch, where you are forced to make some tough decisions in order to save your kingdom. It is very easy to back yourself into a corner, pinch pennies in order to fund the army and save the kingdom, but make your citizens hate you because of it. You’re gonna have to be very, very careful, which is something I did really enjoy about this game. (I’ve heard Fable II was better, and that’s also on my list to try, will update in the future!)

Nintendo:

Fire Emblem Three Houses (2019)

“War is coming to the continent of Fódlan. Here, order is maintained by the Church of Seiros, which hosts the prestigious Officer’s Academy within its headquarters. You are invited to teach one of its three mighty houses, each comprised of students brimming with personality and represented by a royal from one of three territories. As their professor, you must lead your students in their academic lives and in turn-based, tactical RPG battles wrought with strategic, new twists to overcome. Which house, and which path, will you choose?”

Currently playing this one and I’m so addicted! This one is slightly outside of my usual taste but it has made me interested in playing more games like it. The player controls Byleth (you can rename them if you wish), who becomes a professor of combat and battle tactics despite their young age at a monastery and finds themself in charge of a house of students. Battles are tactics and strategy based and classes are highly customizable. I sunk like 30 hours into this game in the last three days. I won’t say more about the plot to avoid spoilers, but it’s been a ton of fun and also has slow burn romance

Spiders:

Greedfall (2019)

This game destroyed my soul in the best way and when I finished it I immediately started a new game to play it again. You play as Lady or Lord De Sardet, Legate of the Congregation of Merchants and effectively the right hand of your cousin, who has been appointed governor of your new colony on the island. While I enjoy the combat in this game, which allows you the choice between one handed, two handed, magic, and pistols or rifles (save that ammo for when you really need it!), this game focuses heavily on diplomacy and relations. Be careful what information you give to whom and how you treat every decision. The enemies you make early on might be people you need on your side later. I also love that choices aren’t always clearly right or wrong, and often are more complicated than they first appear. Even the best intentions can sometimes go awry.

Ubisoft:

Assassin’s Creed, Syndicate (2015)

“London, 1868. In the heart of the Industrial Revolution, lead your underworld organization and grow your influence to fight those who exploit the less privileged in the name of progress”

Another one that I’ll admit, I haven’t finished, and is definitely the odd one out on the list because it’s set in Victorian England, but I was having fun with what I had played so far before Greedfall distracted me. In this game, you alternate between controlling twins Jacob and Evie Frye as you explore and liberate London while meeting famous historical figures and running a gang on the side.

Assassin’s Creed, Origins (2017)

“Ancient Egypt, a land of majesty and intrigue, is disappearing in a ruthless fight for power. Unveil dark secrets and forgotten myths as you go back to the one founding moment: The Origins of the Assassin’s Brotherhood.”

In the spirit of honesty, I haven’t started this one yet, but I am so confident that I’m gonna love it when I do that it’s here anyway. I’ve purchased it, and will get to it soon, I swear! In the meantime, I wanted to put it here because I’m confident some of you will enjoy it. Will come back with a review once I know more.

Assassin’s Creed, Odyssey (2018)

“Write your own epic odyssey and become a legendary Spartan hero in Assassin’s Creed® Odyssey, an inspiring adventure where you must forge your destiny and define your own path in a world on the brink of tearing itself apart. Influence how history unfolds as you experience a rich and ever-changing world shaped by your decisions.”

Y’all this game owned my soul for a while. I’ve sunk so many hours into it. You have a choice to play as either Kassandra or Alexios and navigate the wonders of Ancient Greece. The world is stunning, the choices are important, and this game took a big step for the assassins creed series in becoming a true RPG. I can’t recommend this one enough, you should absolutely go for it!

Assassin’s Creed, Valhalla (2020)

“Become Eivor, a legendary Viking warrior. Explore England's Dark Ages as you raid your enemies, grow your settlement, and build your political power in the quest to earn a place among the gods in Valhalla.”

This game is brand new, hot off the press, and has already been a massive hit. I have only JUST started playing it and am about an hour in, but so far so good! It’s here on my recommendations list because of its wild popularity and because I’ve already enjoyed other games in this series, so I feel confident that some of my fellow dragon age fans will enjoy it. Will update again once I get further in.

Other games on my To Be Played list (otherwise known as things I don’t want to recommend because I know almost nothing about them but will update here after I know more)

-Pillars of Eternity 1 and 2

-Horizon Zero Dawn

-Assassin’s Creed: Black Flag

-Fable 1 and 2

-Kingdoms of Amalur

-Breath of the Wild

-Crimson Desert (not out yet but I’m intrigued)

[beybladefanfictions]

Ryuga’s Return - Chapter 8

(Description: AU where Ryuga survives Metal Fury but loses L-Drago. He reunites with Kenta and struggles to figure out what he’s supposed to do without Beyblade, his purpose in life for so long. Character’s thoughts are in asteriks.)

Ryuga’s POV

Ryuga and Kenta were sitting on the couch in the living room, watching the dumb show that was Yugioh: the dumb, entertaining show that was way better than it had any right to be based on the concept alone. In the middle of an episode, Ryuga’s phone rang.

“What the?” Kenta asked, pausing the show. “Who in the world is calling you?”

Ryuga picked up his phone. “Madoka,” he answered standing up. “It must be about the bey.”

“Wha…?” Kenta tilted his head to the side.

Ryuga walked to the kitchen, answering the phone as he leaned on the wall. Madoka was on speaker. Ryuga could tell by the distinct whirring sound of her equipment through the receiver.

“Yes?”

“Hey, Ryuga!” Madoka greeted, the whirring sound of her tools suddenly stopping. “I’ve got good news. The WBBA just contacted me about your bey. It’s done! They want you to pick it up at three o'clock today!”

“Okay…?” Ryuga raised an eyebrow. *Why did she call me to say that? She could’ve easily said that over text like she normally would.*

“You’re excited to try it out, aren’t you?” Madoka prompted.

“I’m going to,” Ryuga replied, dodging the question.

“Okay, well you’ll need two people around when you do-”

“You and Kenta,” Ryuga replied, cutting her off.

“Uh… okay, sure! I wanted to see you use your new bey…” She let out a groan. “But I have so much work to do…”

“Take a break.”

Madoka sighed, “Yeah, I could use a break… I just hope Chris, Dynamis, and Tithi don’t mind waiting longer… Well, I’ll see you later, Ryuga.”

Ryuga hung up and walked back into the living room.

“They finished the bey,” he answered, sitting next to Kenta again.

“Wait, really?!” Kenta’s eyes lit up. “About time! Are we picking it up or…?”

“At three. We have time,” Ryuga replied, unpausing the show. Kenta gave him a weird look before looking back at the TV.

*This is it… I’m really going to be getting the new Beyblade.* Before this moment, the idea that Ryuga was getting a new Beyblade seemed intangible or too far in the future to consider but it was happening today. He would have the chance to finally Beyblade again. The thing that had once been his passion, his entire purpose for living, he would be able to do it again. The idea sparked some joy for Ryuga. However, it was short-lived as he remembered that it wasn’t L-Drago. *Can I truly connect with any other bey as I did with L-Drago?* He would find out soon…

-------------------------------

Ryuga walked beside Kenta and Madoka, his white jacket flapping behind him in the wind. 

“This better be worth it,” Ryuga grunted.

“It will be,” Kenta insisted, looking up at him. “I mean, the bey took a week to make. It’s gotta be good.”

“From what I heard, most of that time was spent trying to figure out how to get it to rotate left,” Madoka informed with a smile. “It’s never been done by the WBBA.” She looked up at Ryuga. “You should be grateful, Ryuga.” She spoke in her normal cheerful tone, yet her words alone were enough to annoy Ryuga.

“Don’t tell me how I should feel,” he growled, his eyes narrowed.

“That’s not-” Madoka looked away, clenching her jaw. “Ugh, whatever, you’re impossible.”

Kenta pushed the door to the building open, allowing Ryuga and Madoka to walk inside before following them. The three of them stepped into the office. The director was sitting at his desk.

“Ryuga…” There was an edge to his tone, like usual. “Here for your Beyblade, I presume?”

Ryuga rolled his eyes. “Why else?”

The director’s eyes narrowed.

“Uh…” Kenta stepped in front of Ryuga. “Do you have it?”

“I do.”

The director held up a red and white bey. Ryuga stepped closer to gaze at it. It was predominantly red and white though there were bits of black on the fusion wheel, along with a depiction of a black dragon on the facebolt. The colours brought to mind Meteo L-Drago: Ryuga’s second bey. His heart suddenly ached.

“Its name is the Jet Black Dragon,” the director informed, dropping it in Ryuga’s hand. “Not the most creative name but it was the best we could come up with.”

Ryuga stared at the bey. It was much lighter in his hand than L-Drago Destructor had been, with a thinner spin track and performance tip. Ryuga dipped his head. Clutching the bey, he turned and walked out of the office. Kenta and Madoka followed.

“Can I see the bey?” Kenta asked.

Ryuga handed it to him without a second thought. Madoka and Kenta both stared at the bey. Ryuga stopped beside them, gazing at the new bey with a chill. *I never would’ve handed L-Drago over like that to anyone, not even Kenta…*

“What did he say it was called?” Kenta asked, looking up at Ryuga.

“The Jet Black Dragon,” Ryuga scoffed. “What a mouthful.”

Madoka rolled her eyes. “Says mister ‘Dragon Emperor soaring flight.’”

Ryuga couldn’t help but smile. “You mixed up my dark move and my ultimate move.”

Madoka looked away, folding her arms. “Whatever.”

“If you’re going to make fun of me, at least do it right,” Ryuga teased, continuing to walk. Madoka and Kenta followed.

“So…” Kenta’s eyes were fixed on the bey in Ryuga’s hand. “Are you gonna rename the bey?”

“I’ll call it something for short…” Ryuga stared at the dragon on the facebolt. “Draco?”

“As in the constellation or the character?” Kenta asked, smirking a bit.

“The constellation, of course.” Ryuga glanced up at the sunny sky. *The same one L-Drago was named after…*

Madoka began giggling to herself. “Ah yes, Draco Malfoy the Beyblade.”

Kenta laughed a bit. Ryuga was too confused to counter them. *They’re clearly talking about something I’ve never heard of.* He turned to his bey, Draco.

“So, uh, where do you wanna test out the bey?” Kenta asked.

“Outside the city. Away from people.” Ryuga growled the last word.

“Um…” Madoka raised an eyebrow. “We’re people, Ryuga.” She gestured to Kenta and herself.

“You don’t count.”

Kenta smiled.

“Wha-” Madoka’s eye twitched. “What is that supposed to mean?!”

“Madoka, it’s a compliment,” Kenta explained, turning to her.

“How do you know?”

“I know him,” Kenta snickered. “He hates people.”

Ryuga smiled a bit, keeping his gaze focused on the path ahead. They walked through the city before reaching the forest where Ryuga would frequently take walks to escape the chaos of Kenta’s family. The trio stopped in a glade, where there were fewer trees to get in the way of his Beyblade.

“You sure this is where you want to use your bey for the first time?” Madoka asked, looking around. “The ground is really uneven here-”

“Nothing I’m not used to,” Ryuga replied with a shrug.

“Here, you can use my launcher for now.”

Kenta handed him a ripcord launcher, very different from the string launcher Ryuga usually used or rather, once used. Ryuga placed the bey on the launcher. Kenta and Madoka immediately backed out of the way. Their gazes were fixed on Ryuga.

A wave of anxiety hit him like a slap to the face and he suddenly froze up. Ryuga looked away. *Where is this stage fright coming from?! I’ve never been nervous about Beyblading, even in front of a large crowd!* Then again, Ryuga had always had full faith in himself and his L-Drago.

He cast a glance at his bey. *Draco… don’t fail me.* Ryuga closed his eyes and took a deep breath before launching the bey.

For a brief shining moment, fire blazed in Ryuga’s spirit, as strong and fierce as a fire breathing dragon. It was almost as if he were still fighting alongside L-Drago. Then he opened his eyes. The bey spinning before him on the forest floor could be mistaken for L-Drago at first glance but the longer he stared, the more the fire in his spirit fizzled out.

“Go Draco!”

Even his words seemed almost empty. The bey drifted to the left with as little effort as Ryuga had put into the command. Madoka and Kenta gawked at the bey.

“They actually got it to rotate left…” Kenta sounded somewhat shocked.

“Well yeah,” Madoka replied, matter-of-factly. “That’s what Ryuga asked for.”

Kenta shrugged. “I didn’t know if they’d actually do it.”

Ryuga struggled to focus on the bey as Kenta and Madoka chatted. Draco’s spin was somehow already slowing. He growled. There was power in this bey, Ryuga could feel it, yet bringing it out was like trying to set fire to water. He silently urged the bey to keep spinning.

“Put your heart into it, Ryuga!” Kenta called.

Ryuga’s focus shattered and the bey wobbled before stopping completely. He let out a grunt.

“Ryuga?” Kenta and Madoka both gazed at him in confusion.

“What happened?” Madoka asked, tilting her head to the side.

Shame washed over Ryuga like a wave in the ocean.

“I’m still getting used to this bey,” he replied, kneeling down to pick up the bey. “It is new after all.”

However, as Ryuga stared at the bey in his hand, he knew what the true problem was. *This bey isn’t mine. How can I connect with this bey if I don’t even consider it mine?* Ryuga’s head hung low. Standing up, he began to walk away.

“Where are you going?” Kenta called, chasing after him. Ryuga stopped. Kenta stopped beside him, staring up at him desperately.

“I need time alone,” Ryuga informed, starting to walk again.

“You’re not allowed to use your bey without at least two other people around, you know?!” Madoka called.

Ryuga tossed the bey and launcher to Kenta, who fumbled a bit before catching them. Like before, Ryuga felt no remorse departing with the bey, this time for a much longer period of time.

“I’ll tell mom and dad that you’re out on a walk,” Kenta informed.

Ryuga nodded his thanks. Even once the two were out of sight, Ryuga’s shame didn’t fade. His failure with the new bey was implanted in his mind, playing on loop. *It must have looked like I wasn’t even trying.* Ryuga had tried: tried desperately to connect with the new bey, but something had prevented him from properly doing so. It was like there was a wall in his brain.

Ryuga couldn’t connect with this bey as he had connected with L-Drago. His original bey had been the only thing he cared about before Kenta came along and somehow found a way into Ryuga’s heart. Ryuga had L-Drago at a time when he had no one else. Maybe that was in part why Ryuga couldn’t imagine ever connecting with another bey in the same way he had with L-Drago.

The entire time Ryuga used Draco, he just felt dumb. He knew from the start he couldn’t replace L-Drago, yet this new bey resembled it in colour, type, and structure. He had even named the bey after the same constellation L-Drago was named after. In retrospect, Ryuga thought it was kind of pathetic. *I have to see Draco as its own bey… that’s the only way I can become more powerful with it.* The idea sparked nothing within Ryuga.

He let out a growl. *Beyblade was my entire life for years and now I get the chance to do it again and I don’t even want to take it?! What am I even doing without Beyblade?!* During the now two weeks Ryuga had been living with Kenta’s family, he had spent most of his time trying to take his mind off his former bey. Sometimes he didn’t have to try as hard, like when he was watching that show with Kenta, but nothing he was doing had any sort of purpose. Beyblade had been his sense of purpose. However, it was abundantly clear now that Beyblade couldn’t do that anymore. Ryuga let out a sigh. *I told Kenta I’d try… My promise is fulfilled.*

Ryuga stiffened when his phone went off.

-Kenta’s dad: Dinner’s almost ready.-

*I guess that’s my cue to return,* Ryuga thought, rolling his eyes. Besides, he was hungry. Hunger was the most powerful motivation Ryuga knew of, whether it was hunger for power or simply hunger for food. Somehow the latter was even powerful enough to make Ryuga deal with Kenta’s parents.

Although it had been a week since he had accidentally fallen asleep at Madoka’s shop, Ryuga was still convinced that Kenta’s parents were mad at him. So rather than annoyance, anxiety grew within Ryuga as he walked to the house. If he put even one foot out of line, it could lead to Kenta’s parents taking their anger out on him, like Doji always had.

Ryuga took a deep breath before pushing the door open. Kenta and his parents were all sitting at the table, gazing up at him as he entered the house.

Kenta’s dad greeted him with a wave. “Hey, there he is.”

*Yeah, I can read.* Ryuga bit back the words. He sat next to Kenta at the table, where a bowl of soup was already waiting for him. It looked a bit like ramen. However, the broth was much lighter than ramen broth and there were far fewer toppings.

“What is this?” Ryuga asked aloud.

“It’s pho, a Vietnamese food,” Kenta explained, holding up some noodles in his chopsticks.

Ryuga looked around the table, but he didn’t see any forks. His blood ran cold when he noticed a pair of chopsticks next to his bowl. *I never properly learned how to use these things…*

Ryuga held both chopsticks close together as if they were a pencil, his fingers bunched up and close to the bottom of the sticks. The few noodles he picked up repeatedly slipped back into the bowl. Ryuga let out a growl.

“You’re… holding them wrong you know?” Kenta’s dad informed, tilting his head to the side. Beside him, Kenta’s mother was covering her mouth with her hand, looking as if she was trying not to crack up.

“I knew that,” Ryuga growled.

He wanted to snap his chopsticks in half. *I must be the only person in Japan that can’t use these stupid things.* He bunched his fingers close together, trying even harder to grip some of the noodles. One of the sticks was flung backwards. Ryuga winced as it hit the table, taking a chunk of noodles and broth with it. Kenta yelped in alarm. Across the table, Kenta’s parents were chuckling.

“You’ve never used chopsticks, have you?” Kenta’s mother asked.

“What gave that away?” Ryuga grunted, doing his best to clean up the broth and noodles with a napkin. Kenta’s parents laughed a bit more. Ryuga glared at them. “Yeah, laugh it up, why don’t you?” Ryuga burned with shame, fighting the urge to duck under the table and hide.

Kenta’s dad snickered. “Sorry, it is a little funny.”

“Do you need help, kiddo?” Kenta’s mom asked, reaching across the table.

Ryuga stiffened, quickly turning to Kenta. “Kenta.”

“Oh, uh, hold them like this.” Kenta held up his chopsticks. His fingers were higher up and much more spread apart, with his pinky and ring finger on one chopstick and his rest on the other.

Ryuga mimicked the position. His fingers instantly felt awkward, but he was finally able to grab some noodles and a piece of chicken in the chopsticks. The soup was, admittedly, delicious, but definitely not worth all that effort. In all his struggling with the chopsticks, Ryuga hadn’t noticed the spoon leaning on the edge of the bowl. He glared at Kenta’s parents.

“Never make me use these again,” Ryuga growled, using his chopsticks to push some noodles onto the spoon.

“You could’ve just said something, kiddo,” Kenta’s dad replied, clearly trying not to smile. “We’ll buy more forks for you to use.”

“Thanks…. Ryuga grunted.

“You could also try using your right hand,” he suggested.

Ryuga dropped his chopsticks to facepalm.

Kenta let out a sigh. “Dad, he’s left-handed.”

“Oh…” Kenta’s dad shrank back a bit, looking away. “Nevermind, sorry.”

“Did you seriously not notice?” Kenta asked, resting his hand on his face.

“I dunno,” Kenta’s dad replied with a shrug. “I thought he was ambidextrous or something.”

“That’s literally less likely, honey,” Kenta’s mom teased, nudging her husband’s shoulder.

Ryuga tuned out their conversation, trying to focus on his food. He didn’t bother using the chopsticks properly. He scooped the noodles and garnishes up with the spoon and stabbed the pieces of chicken with his chopsticks to punish them for their crimes.

“So, Ryuga-” Ryuga stiffened when Kenta’s dad said his name. “-we heard you got your new Beyblade today.”

Ryuga nodded.

“Oh!” Kenta perked up. “Here!”

He grabbed the red and white bey out of his pocket, placing it on the table. Ryuga gazed at the bey. He stiffened, casting a glance at Kenta. *I have to tell him…*

“What’s its name?” Kenta’s dad asked.

Ryuga glanced at Kenta’s parents. *I’ll tell him later, when we can be alone.*

“Draco,” Ryuga answered.

“Like Harry Potter?” Kenta’s mom asked, tilting her head to the side.

*What is she talking about?* “Like the dragon constellation,” Ryuga corrected, pocketing the bey.

“Oh…” Kenta’s mom chuckled a bit. “Yeah, that makes more sense.”

“It’s okay. Madoka and I thought the same thing.” Kenta turned to Ryuga, his gaze suddenly lighting up. “Ooh Ryuga, we should watch those movies.”

“We don’t need another series, Kenta,” Ryuga sighed, resting his hand on his forehead. *Yugioh is more than enough.*

“But Yugioh is really long,” Kenta protested.

“Exactly.” Ryuga stabbed a piece of chicken and bit it off the chopsticks.

“Alright, alright, one series at a time…” Kenta returned to his own food, using his chopsticks like a normal person. “Wait, you’re willing to watch all of Yugioh?!” He gasped, dropping his chopsticks.

Ryuga didn’t answer.

“You do like it then,” Kenta replied, smirking a bit.

Ryuga rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he grunted, nudging Kenta’s side. *So what, I like one of the characters? The show is still stupid.*

Kenta chuckled into his hand. “But, uh, anyways.” He suddenly sounded serious. “Once you get more practice with Draco, I’d really like to battle with you.”

Ryuga stiffened. “Battle me?” he asked, turning to Kenta.

“Well, yeah.” Kenta tilted his head to the side. “Don’t you want to?” There was disappointment in his voice and on top of that, he was giving Ryuga that stupid puppy dog eyed look.

Ryuga looked away. *I promised him I would try…* He let out a sigh. Ryuga had tried earlier to connect with his new bey, but it had only been for a few minutes. *I can try harder. I never gave up on a bey battle and I won’t start now.*

“I need more practice first,” Ryuga replied, taking a bite of his pho.

“But battling strong opponents is the best way to practice.”

“Kenta, you’re a strong opponent and I can barely control my new bey. I need more practice on my own.” *Well, as alone as I can get with two people constantly watching me.*

“Well…” Kenta nodded. “I guess that makes sense. Is… a week enough time?”

Ryuga fell silent for a few moments. “Sure.”

“Thanks.” Kenta smiled, nudging Ryuga’s side. “I’ll get you back for last time, just you wait.”

“We’ll see,” Ryuga replied, dipping his head.

*He’ll completely destroy me if I don’t figure out how to connect with my new bey.* Ryuga held up the bey. *I have a week… maybe this fight is the push I need.* Despite having no attachment to this new bey, Ryuga couldn’t stomach the idea of losing to anyone.

[tanoraqui]

okay so someone made an Abhorsen AU of MDZS but it’s, like...bad, weak, basically changed the magic system but none of the worldbuilding, keeps rewriting canon scenes with no real change. Boring. So I was obliged to think of my own, and basically I concluded that there are two options:

a properly thorough thing, characters and plotlines interwoven, in which Lans are Clayr (it’s about the aloofness and presumption of being right), the Wens are probably (overreaching) royalty, the Jins are a notable family of Charter mages (cousins of the throne?) who’ve made a lot of money on business with Ancestierre, and Nie Huaisang is the worst Abhorsen anyone’s heard of (but possibly a decent Remembrancer). The Jiangs are another notable Charter-blessed, royalty-adjacent family, but Wei Wuxian takes up necromancy when he abruptly needs to; Wen Qing is a Wallmaker; and in the end, Lan Wangji wields Astarael (of course he does) and slices Orannis’s sphere in twain, and the chatty soapstone dog Wei Wuxian gave him when they were fifteen bites his hand off.

we hopscotch 80% of both plots in what I like to think of as an au titled Yrael Get Stuck in a Hole for Several Hundred Year, But Ultimately Has a Nice Day (And Maybe Everyone Else Does, Too):

the Abhorsen has been dead for hundreds of years, as has the Abhorsen-in-Waiting, as has anyone next in line, and those in line for the crown as well. The details aren’t relevant, just know that the Great Charter Stones beneath the palace were broken with blood, the border to Death made so thin that even the weakest spirit can step through, and they were only stopped by the desperate work of all the great Charter mages left in the land. Belisaere was abandoned wholesale, its rivers, aqueducts, and grand harbor transformed from guards to keep the dead out to walls to keep them in. It was renamed the Burial Mounds, and those able kept watch on the other side of the water, to beat back anything terrible that attempted to come through.

over time, factions and sects of Charter mages arose, often around those who could claim some thread of blood relation to the lost monarchs and Abhorsens. They splintered. They fought. They kept the Dead down as best they could, including continuing to guard the Burial Mounds. (Sometimes people ventured in, in search of adventure or valuables - the Abhorsen’s bells and sword, after all, were lost, and all sorts of other unknown magical weapons. But no one living ever tried to come out.)

the involvement of the Clays waxed and waned over the centuries. Overall, they tried to help. Sometimes they built and sent military forces, trained mages of their own. Sometimes, they scaled back and sent forth naught but the occasional vague prophecy. The Dead could never breach their icy stronghold, after all, so was the rest of the failed kingdom really their problem?

the Clayr certainly send military forces out to “help” the rest of the kingdom under the leadership of Wen Ruohan. And, whatever exactly precedes it, with regard to his and his brother’s Charter marks, shove Wei Wuxian out of a paperwing to fall down, down, down into the Burial Mounds. 

he walks out again three months later, probably alive? with a set of necromancer’s bells (not the Abhorsen’s; those are still lost) and a white cat with a red collar draped over his shoulders

Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng find him a couple weeks later in a Clayr outpost on the Northern Road, Kibeth and Belgaer both silent but ready in his hands, as vengeful spirits plague Wen Zhuliu and Dead Hands tear Wen Chao to further pieces. A cat watches from his feet, tail flicking, exactly like a cat watching something terrible and bloody. Both reek of Free Magic.

“What a stick in the mud.” Mogget yawns once Lan Wangji has been shooed off, showing off sharp teeth. He eyes Jiang Cheng as critically as only a cat can. “And this is the brother, huh? Alright.”

Jiang Cheng scowls at him, then decides to stop scowling at a cat and scowls at Wei Wuxian instead. “Seriously, what is this thing? Is it safe?”

“Oh, that’s just Mogget,” said Wei Wuxian. “Don’t mind him - just don’t undo his collar, and he’s fine. Hey, where’s shijie? I promised him a bowl of her pork and lotus soup.”

“And fish,” says Mogget. “Don’t forget the fish.”

some time during the war, they find a site in the east at which a complement of Wen Ruohan’s people are digging something out of a hill.

“Stop them,” Mogget hisses, digging his claws into Wei Wuxian’s arm. “Wei Wuxian, stop them now, or loose my collar so I can do it - and then remake those daisy and salt and everything else wards - ”

“For the last time,” says Wei Wuxian, “we have a deal. Not until - ”

“I’ll still help you destroy your Wens,” the cat snaps. “But I haven’t decided about everything else yet, and if- that gets loose, there’s no way your pitiful remainders of scrambled bloodlines will be able to rebind it. The containment is hanging by a thread as it is, can’t you feel it?”

(The tang of Free Magic is bitter and sharp in the air, almost to the point of being sickening - and that’s to Wei Wuxian, who’s been breathing the stuff for half a year, now.) “Fine,” he says. “But I’ll do it. You wait here.”

At the final battle of the Sunshot Campaign, at the heart of the Clayr Glacier itself, the Yiling Patriarch unleashes a monster of Free Magic like a column of moving fire, like a lightning bolt given life and vengeance, like no one has seen before. Wen Ruohan’s death still comes at the hands of Jin Clan’s expatriate son, but Wei Wuxian’s monster obliterates (most of) Wen Ruohan’s forces...and disappears

what happens next for the Yiling Patriarch may be up to him, and to his friends, family, and enemies. On the plus side, he might have an additional, particularly odd friend, who may or may not choose to appear if loudly offered milk and fish

the Abhorsen has been dead for hundreds of years, as has the Abhorsen-in-Waiting, as has anyone next in line, and those in line for the crown as well. That is: the first and second are shattered, and the third broken with their blood. The fifth remains staunch as ever, the fourth clings by a few last living souls, and the two of the weft still make and mend as they can...and the eighth who would not choose, who ran and hid and was caught and bound, and eventually freed again...continues to not make a choice. They could, after all, any time they want. Who’s to stop them from so much as sunning themselves by a river, much less freeing the ninth? Kibeth sleeps in soapstone more often than not and Astarael weeps in her forgotten well, and the little Charter mages running around with their drops here and there of royalty or Death-keeping...no. No, they really couldn’t do a thing

so...if Yrael can release Orannis any time they want, then tomorrow will do just as fine as today. And today, there’s warm sun, the song of birds, the radiating affection of a Charter mage and a necromancer fucking against a tree, and a stream of leaping salmon

no need to rush

[danceworshipper]

The Family Business AU: Part 1

Part 2

I'm finally getting around to writing something! This story is an AU where my main mcs, Gracie and Tessa Chiva, were raised in R their whole lives and are only just now, at the age of sixteen, starting to have doubts. I'm not sure how long the story will be, but I've been toying with the idea for a while now and I couldn't stop myself from writing it any longer. The basic background info is that the twins' maternal grandmother, Lorraine Black, founded R while her four children were still relatively young. In canon, her children weren't really on board, but in this AU all but one stayed with her. Clarissa, the twins' mother, never truly approved, but saw what happened to her brother and decided abandoning her family wasn't worth it. If you know my mcs, you'll know that while Gracie and Tessa are technically identical twins, Gracie has alternate coloring to her from a curse that happened in their first year (Tessa has dark brown hair and dull green eyes whilst Gracie has bright white hair and unnaturally bright green eyes, and is much paler). In this AU, that still occurred, however the curse was staged to give them a reason to go into the vaults as their brother never did, and she has no negative side effects from it. The 'Jacob' character has been renamed to Vance, just because I honestly don't like the name Jacob, Gracie and Merula are together, Tessa is single and newly the captain of the Slytherin quidditch team, Rowan is the prefect because she deserves it, and the two additional mcs in the story belong to @gcldensnitch and @weirdcursedvaultkid!

The Great Hall always felt so loud and bright on the first day of school. Even on the days the whole family was gathered together, their grandmother's dining hall was never as noisy as when the whole of Hogwarts was sitting eating dinner together. It made Gracie's head pound, and Tessa wasn't faring much better. If only their mother had listened to their pleas to drop out of school - but alas, Clarissa was firm in her belief that they needed to complete their education despite being next in line. It's what they deserved for asking the parent who had been a Ravenclaw during her own time at Hogwarts.

Of course, education aside, the twins really did need to stay in school. Them dropping out now would raise too many questions, especially with the two of them so invested in the Cursed Vaults. Besides, they would miss their friends. The friends that they'd been lying to since they met them. The friends that were now in terrible danger.

The twins had different thoughts about their lies. Tessa felt much more guilty about it, always having been the more empathetic twin. She especially felt guilty about lying to her best friend, Colette Belrose, whose older brother Jacob was someone Tessa saw rather frequently while Colette herself had no idea what he was up to. It reminded Tessa of how she had no idea where her own brother was, and if he was okay or not. He had run away from home directly after graduating and hadn't contacted his sisters at all. R had placed him high on the 'wanted' list. Seeing his name still there, not crossed out, was the only way Tessa and Gracie could have hope he was still alive.

Gracie was better able to justify her lies to herself. How could she continue to be trusted by her friends if they knew she was a member of the very group they were trying to take down? How would they react if they knew that she hadn't been cursed in her first year, but marked as the next leader? In order to protect the people Gracie cared about like Rowan and Merula, she needed them to trust her, and they never would if they found out about her lies now. It wasn't like she could tell them even if she wanted to; the secrecy oath she swore when she was eleven made that impossible. She suspected that was the only reason Vance hadn't told everyone before he ran away. You didn't break the oath by leaving. You broke the oath by dying.

This very oath, while necessary for R's security, was something that the twins were growing to despise. Lorraine, their grandmother, the founder and current leader of R, had laughed at them when they screamed and cried about Rakepick torturing Merula while the group was in the Portrait Vault the year before. Rakepick was just playing her part, Lorraine said. It didn't matter how close Gracie and Merula were, because in the end, Merula was an enemy to R and their mission, and would be treated as such. If Gracie wanted Merula safe from R's members, she'd have to convince Merula to become one.

This was the twins' goal this year. Between working on the final Cursed Vault (that the Hogwarts students knew of; the twins knew it was, in fact, the second-to-last), they were determined to convince their closest friends to join up with R for their own protection. How they would do that without being able to tell their friends about their family, they didn't know. But they had to try.

"Tessa!"

Tessa's head shot up as Colette sat down on the bench next to her and threw her arms around her. Colette had a smile on her face as she pulled back.

"Your hair is so long now!" Colette exclaimed. "I love it!"

Tessa smiled back weakly. "Thanks."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm just not used to the noise yet," Tessa responded truthfully. "It's not very loud back home."

Colette squeezed Tessa's shoulder in comfort. "You'll be used to it in no time."

Gracie watched the exchange and sighed. Rowan was a prefect, so she was off making sure the dorms were ready for the new students who would be coming in, and Merula was nowhere to be found. Merula had been off all summer. Having the Cruciatus curse cast on her had caused her to become even more determined than ever to prove herself as powerful, and it left their relationship wanting.

Gracie plugged her ears as the chatter around the hall grew even louder, feeling Tessa lean closer to her. The first years had just entered the Great Hall to be sorted. Hopefully Rowan would be here soon.

----------------

Dinner had been miserable, just as it always was during the first week or so. The twins never truly appreciated the quiet at home while they had it. Rowan had finally arrived just as the last first year was sorted, still catching her breath but beaming from a job well done.

"The Common Room is sparkling," she had told Gracie. "And I scented the candles with a faint hint of orange, just for you."

Rowan was so good. She cared about Gracie more than almost anyone else, and though she was nerdy, weird, and awkward, she was one of the most incredible people Gracie had ever met. Rowan was the one Gracie was most desperate to get on R's side. As much as she loved Merula, Rowan had been Gracie's friend from day one. Losing her would hurt the most, she was sure of it. Rowan had to be turned.

Tonight, though, Gracie had to find Merula, or else she'd likely stay out all night. Rowan said she had seen her out of the Training Grounds blasting the dummies to pieces, so that's where Gracie went after dinner was over.

The night sky was clear, and the air was nice and warm, a welcome change of scenery as Gracie let her stress wash away for just a moment. Staring at the stars always made Gracie feel less anxious. The stars didn't care what happened to her. She was nothing but a speck of dust in the universe, and nothing she ever did would matter. It was a comforting thought.

"Are you just going to stand there, Chiva?"

Merula was now standing next to her, looking at her with a cold expression.

"Hi," Gracie said softly. Every time she saw Merula she was caught off guard by how pretty she was, even when she was angry.

"What do you want?"

"You missed dinner."

"I wasn't hungry."

It was a bad lie. Gracie held out the plate of raspberry tart she had been able to sneak out, and Merula took it without a word.

"What were you doing?" Gracie asked.

"What do you think?" Merula jerked her head toward a group of dummies, two of which were still lying on the ground in pieces.

Gracie sighed and pushed her hair behind her ear. "This isn't healthy, love. I want to get back at Rakepick too, but you're running yourself ragged like this. We've barely spent time together recently."

At those words, Merula seemed to deflate just a little. She had another bite of tart before answering.

"I know."

They stood without talking while Merula finished her tart. She didn't say thank you, nor did Gracie expect her to. Merula just vanished the plate and crossed her arms.

An owl hooted in the distance. Gracie wondered if it was a school one or a wild one.

"Train with me," Merula said suddenly.

Gracie shook her head. "It's late. Come inside with me."

"Duel me once and we can go in."

"You're the Most Powerful Witch at Hogwarts," Gracie teased, enjoying the way Merula rolled her eyes even as they lit up. "You have nothing to prove to me."

"Just one?" Merula asked again.

And Gracie was never able to resist. "One."

----------------

"I've already been asked by three different people when I'm going to be holding tryouts," Tessa whined. "It's the first day back; can they not wait a single second?"

"Apparently not," Liz said, leaning back against her headrest. The two were sitting on the bed, catching up. Liz hadn't been able to visit for the second half of the summer as she had been on vacation in Canada, so they had a lot to talk about.

"I snuck out of the hall to visit everyone in the Reserve," Liz continued. "You need to come with me tomorrow so you can see how much bigger the thestrals are. Victoria says hi, I think. I still can't see her."

Tessa raised an eyebrow. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"I want to see how beautiful she is! You keep saying she's the prettiest thestral you've ever seen but I don't have a point of reference."

"Take my word for it, Liz, she's gorgeous."

Liz frowned. "I wish seeing the death of a pet counted. It's like even magic itself thinks creatures are less than humans."

"But if seeing the death of a pet counted, Thestrals would never be able to live in peace because then nearly everyone would be able to see them," Tessa reasoned.

"I cannot believe Hogwarts uses them as carriage horses. Thestrals as carriage horses! What disrespectful prick came up with that?!"

Tessa glanced around the dorm as Liz carried on with her rant. Gracie wasn't back with Merula yet. Colette was talking with Rowan and Alex Vega, happy as could be, completely unaware that twenty feet away from her Tessa was trying to figure out how to recruit her to the very wizard cult her brother had abandoned his family to work for. And what about Alex? Would Tessa and Gracie try and get Alex too? Alex was in danger; she had gotten involved with the Vaults a few years ago and now spent a lot of time with Ben, someone who, at the end of last year, made quite an enemy of himself in the Portrait Vault. If only he had stayed a spineless coward, he might have been safe. It might be the only circumstance Tessa was displeased with someone's personal growth.

Ismelda was sitting by herself, skimming through this year's History of Magic textbook. Ismelda was probably the safest one in the room, having never really helped the Vault hunt or done anything that would anger R. She mostly just kept to herself. Ironically, Ismelda was probably the most likely person to be willing to join R.

Liz snapped her fingers in Tessa's face, making her jump.

"You look scared," Liz stated, blunt as ever. "It's okay, you know. Dumbledore knows now that Rakepick is evil. She'll have a hard time finding us to try and hurt us."

She was kind of close, Tessa thought, but that wasn't quite it. It wasn't like Liz could know Rakepick would never, under threat of death, ever hurt even a single hair on Tessa's head other than under strict orders for cover.

"Yeah, I know. But it doesn't feel right."

Liz elbowed her in a way that was probably meant to be encouraging. "We're a team. No one is going to hurt you on my watch."

That only made Tessa feel worse. Liz would never say those things if she knew who Tessa really was. Salazar, how was Tessa ever supposed to convince Liz to join R? Rakepick was in R; no one at Hogwarts would ever consider being on her side. Besides maybe Ismelda.

The door finally opened to reveal Gracie and Merula. Tessa watched her sister accept Alex's hug, looking just fine. How did Gracie do it? Did she really believe she could change her friends' minds, or was she just better at hiding her emotions than Tessa?

You're too sensitive. Leaders have to be able to step back from their emotions and look at a situation rationally. If you can't do that, Tessa, you can never be a leader.

She didn't want to be a leader; Gracie could do that. Tessa just wanted to be good enough to be worthy of being the leader. She wanted to stop being second best. She didn't want to be Tessa, Gracie's twin sister anymore. She wanted to be Tessa, her own person. It wasn't like her Quidditch skills would matter in a couple of years when she had to work for R full time. Maybe she could talk to Diego tomorrow; she needed to get back into her dueling training.

Merula stomped off to talk to Ismelda after having been convinced to hug Alex as well. Gracie spoke with Rowan for a moment before they both came to join Tessa and Liz, leaving Colette and Alex fawning over Colette's cat together.

"I beat her," Gracie told Rowan, then turned to address the whole group. "Merula made me duel her again."

"Isn't she ever going to get tired of getting her ass kicked by you?" Rowan joked.

"She won't stop bothering you until you let her win, you know," Liz told Gracie.

"She'll know I let her win and then she'll be even more mad."

Gracie looked over at Tessa, who had drawn into herself. Tessa felt the Legilimency link they shared open up.

You okay? Gracie asked.

I'm scared.

I know.

Gracie paused to laugh at something Liz said. Tessa attempted a chuckle. She didn't know what Liz had said.

We can do this, and if we can't, we can protect them. No one is going to get hurt. I promise.

You can't guarantee that.

"I'm tired," Tessa announced, closing the link and standing up.

Gracie stood and pulled Tessa into a tight hug.

"I love you," Gracie said.

"I love you too."

Tessa, having already changed into her nightgown some time ago, climbed into her bed and shut the curtains, ignoring the concerned looks from her dormmates. She'd feel better tomorrow, she told herself. She was just tired and it was making her worse. That was all. It wasn't like she had to turn everyone by the weekend; the first proper "attack" Lorraine had planned was over a month away, and it was less of an attack than a "scare the kids" bit. They'd be fine. She had plenty of time.

"Did something happen at home?" Liz asked quietly.

What hadn't? It was a better question, but no one knew that.

"Our grandfather is sick," Gracie lied, hoping she'd remember to tell Tessa before someone said something tomorrow. "He'll probably be fine, but he's old, you know? He was still in pretty bad shape when we left."

Rowan made an odd face, but it was gone before Gracie could even process that it happened.

"I'm sure he'll be okay," she said.

"Yeah, he's made it through dragon pox, he can handle this," Liz nodded, yawning. "I might go to bed too."

"Yeah, it's late," Gracie agreed. "I still have to get changed though."

Rowan perked up. "You'll like what I did in the bathroom. Pretty tough bit of magic, but I think it was worth it."

"Really now?"

"Mhm. Here," Rowan said, holding out Gracie's toiletry bag before she could even open her trunk. "I got it out for you, and your nightgown is hanging above the heating stone so it'll be warm."

Gracie felt another surge of guilt wash through her. "You're the best."

Rowan grinned. "Come on, I want to see your reaction!"

What Rowan had done in the bathroom was charm the mirrors to look like the surface of a calm lake. When Gracie put her hand out to touch it, it rippled.

"This is so cool!" Gracie exclaimed, momentarily forgetting her troubles.

"I know! And when you want it to be solid so you can see perfectly, you just tap it with your wand and say sile, like so."

Rowan tapped her wand against the mirror to demonstrate. The water-like surface stilled and became clear as a regular mirror, as if it had never moved.

"Libera."

Another tap, and the mirror once more began to flow gently.

Gracie ruffled Rowan's hair, earning a smack to her wrist. "How long did that take you?"

"The first one took a good ten minutes," Rowan admitted, smoothing her hair back down. "After I got it it was easy to do the others."

"You did this in all the rooms?"

"Of course I did!"

"You really are incredible."

Rowan beamed. "Thanks, Gracie. You want me to wait up for you?"

Gracie shook her head. "It's okay, I have to wait for Merula anyway."

"Ooooh, you're gonna cuddle?" Rowan taunted.

"Oh, shut up!" Gracie laughed.

"You never cuddle with me."

"Did you want to cuddle?"

"Not really," Rowan conceded. "But maybe if you held my hand once in a while I'd feel better."

"Get out."

"Night!"

----------------

Both twins had a nightmare that night, a dream full of blood and tears that made them wake up with a scream.

[cinema-tv-etc]

Why The Godfather Part III has been unfairly demonized

By Caryn James1st December 2020

he mafia trilogy ended with a closing chapter that has long been vilified. But as a new recut is released, 30 years on, Caryn James says it deserves to be re-evaluated. T

The final part of the Godfather trilogy is considered such an artistic disaster that you'd think Francis Ford Coppola had forgotten how to make a film in the 16 years that followed The Godfather Part II (1974). Part III's most famous dialogue – Al Pacino as the aging Mafia don Michael Corleone snarls, "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in" – has become an easy laugh line.

But 30 years after its release, it is time to rescue Godfather III from its terrible reputation. Pacino's eloquent, fiery, knowing central performance is supported by several bravura set pieces that are mini-masterpieces in themselves. With deliberate echoes of the earlier Godfather films, there is singing and dancing at a family party, a bold murder during the San Gennaro street festival, a tragedy on the steps of an opera house in Sicily.

In the film’s confusing main plot, Michael gets tangled up in dealing with the Vatican  

Hindsight alone would tell us how seriously the film has been undervalued, even without Coppola's newly restored, re-edited and renamed version. It now has the title Mario Puzo's The Godfather, Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone. Calling it a coda emphasises its connection to the earlier instalments, and even hints at its lesser stature. And the word 'death' signals its dark inevitability, although the meaning of that word is slipperier than it first appears.

Twelve minutes shorter, it rearranges some key episodes, eliminates a few minor scenes and trims a line here or there. But until its altered ending, it is fundamentally the same film, better in parts than as a whole. It is too flawed to come close to the accomplishments of The Godfather (1972) or its sequel, both among the most towering and influential films of the 20th Century. They have penetrated the culture, from their language ("I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse") to their quintessentially American story of immigration and upward mobility. But the new version clarifies Coppola's epic vision, revealing how much the Corleone story was always Michael's, a deeply moral saga of guilt and redemption. He just happened to be a mob boss.

For me the tragedy of The Godfather, which is the tragedy of America, is about Michael Corleone – Francis Ford Coppola

Coppola was always lucid about the trilogy's vision, even when others were confused. "For me the tragedy of The Godfather, which is the tragedy of America, is about Michael Corleone," he says in the extras on a DVD set of the three films released in 2001. He wanted The Death of Michael Corleone to be the title back in 1990, but Paramount, the studio releasing it, did not. The film's initial reception was measured disappointment, not dismissal or horror as we now assume. Roger Ebert actually loved it. Pauline Kael did not love or hate it, but offered the withering, condescending assessment. "I don't think it's going to be a public humiliation." Expectations were high because of the legacy of the earlier films, yet low because Part III came with a whiff of desperation and of selling out. Coppola had resisted making another Godfather for years, then wrote the screenplay (with Mario Puzo) and edited it in a rush to meet its Christmas Day release. It even got seven Oscar nominations, including best picture and director. It is an odd example of a movie whose reputation has declined over the decades.

Why the film is misunderstood

Then and now, the series has largely been misunderstood. Crime movies like Coppola's and Martin Scorsese's are so seductive that audiences have embraced them for apparently glamorising the love of raw power and the concept of honour among thieves. Beneath the Mafia-friendly surface, though, they are built on ethical themes their more hot-headed characters don't grasp. The Godfather Coda tells us that crime really doesn't pay when you're ready to search your soul. The young Michael struggles with the idea of killing and crime in the first Godfather. The consequences of his decision are central to Part III, which takes place in 1979, 20 years after the events of Godfather II. Michael, a billionaire living in New York, has made his businesses legitimate and is left to grapple with his guilt for so many crimes, especially ordering the murder of his  brother Fredo, who betrayed him.

The film still has problems that no amount of editing can change. In a needlessly confusing main plot, Michael tries to take over a European conglomerate called International Immobiliare. By buying the Vatican's shares, he'll be bailing out the corrupt Vatican bank. The family part of the story revolves around Michael's nephew, Vincent Mancini, the illegitimate son of his brother Sonny. Andy Garcia is as good a Vincent as you could hope for, handsome, swaggering, rough around the edges, dynamic on screen. But his character never makes much sense. Vincent has his father's explosive temper and appetite for violence, but somehow goes from a not-so-bright thug to a shrewd, controlled crime strategist in a matter of months. His change is far from the engrossing, methodical character trajectory that takes the young Michael from idealist to murderer in the first Godfather.

And the film's most severely criticised element is no better than anyone remembers. Winona Ryder, who had been set to play Michael's daughter, Mary, dropped out weeks before filming started and was replaced with unabashed nepotism by Coppola's teenaged daughter, Sofia. Today, we know Sofia Coppola as a brilliant director, but it's easy to see why her amateurish performance made her another target of Godfather III jokes, particularly for the unintentionally awkward and passionless romance between Mary and her cousin Vincent. Coppola actually snipped a couple of Sofia's lines in the new version.

He makes a major change at the start of the re-edited film, eliminating the lovely original beginning. It set an elegiac tone by showing images of the abandoned family house in Lake Tahoe from Part II, and includes a flashback to Fredo's death, while Nino Rota's familiar soundtrack music evokes the past. The new version begins with a duplicitous archbishop soliciting Michael's help for the Vatican, a scene originally placed later in the film. The change highlights the finance plot without making it any clearer.  

The exhilarating start

But the film soon picks up with its true, exhilarating beginning. Several generations of Corleones, along with friends and business associates, gather at a party celebrating Michael. His sister, Connie, sings an Italian song, while shady-looking visitors pay homage to Michael in his office. He now has bristly grey hair and a lined face, and controls his family and business with authoritarian power. The extravagant 30-minute sequence echoes Connie's wedding at the start of The Godfather, and the First Communion party in Lake Tahoe that began Godfather II. Michael's office even has the same light slanting through the blinds that we saw in his father's office in the first Godfather, when Marlon Brando as Vito Corleone received visitors. Throughout, these call backs to the previous films add resonance while trenchantly revealing how things have changed.  Michael is burdened by conscience in a way Vito never was. "I don't apologise," Vito tells Michael near the end of The Godfather, justifying his brutality because he was trying to save his family. Godfather III is all about Michael's need to atone.  

Al Pacino's performance may have become an object of derision, but he knows what he's doing.

The party scene flows easily as it brings every character up to date. Diane Keaton is as deft as ever as Michael's ex-wife Kay, who pleads with him to allow their son, Tony, to pursue a career as an opera singer. Kay can be chilling. "Tony knows that you killed Fredo," she warns Michael. Yet she has never got over him, as we see in a later scene when they have a tearful tête-à-tête in Sicily, a scene Pacino and Keaton make painfully real.

Connie, played with glorious sharpness and wit by Talia Shire, has morphed into Lady Macbeth. Mafia princesses can never run things, but they can pull the strings. It's Connie who ruthlessly tells Vincent, "You're the only one in this family with my father's strength. If anything happens to Michael I want you to strike back." She has asked the right person.

Vincent is central to many of the set pieces. During a meeting of Mafia heads in Atlantic City, when Michael announces he is out of the crime business, a helicopter approaches the window and shoots most of them dead. Vincent rushes Michael, the main target, to safety. The intrigue and rapid-fire violence in the perfectly orchestrated scene might obscure the real point: Michael can't escape his past. That attack causes his cry: "Just when I thought I was out..." Pacino's performance may have become an object of derision, but he knows what he's doing. He is raw and angrily over-the-top in some scenes, but modulates those outbursts with quieter moments. When a stress-induced diabetic attack sends him to the hospital, in his delusional state he calls out Fredo's name. Pacino shows us a conflicted Michael, weakened yet clinging to power.

The power of the re-edited finale

The tone becomes more ominous and the themes more spiritual when the entire family goes to Sicily for Tony's opera debut. (There are spoilers here, but the time limit on spoilers has expired after 30 years.) Michael grapples with the Sicilian Mafia, for reasons linked to the Immobiliare deal, but that is less important than his inner crisis. He makes a confession to a cardinal, breaking down in tears as he says, "I'm beyond redemption." When his protector, Don Tommasino, becomes another victim of Michael's power struggle, he sits by the coffin and says to God, "I swear on the lives of my children, give me a chance to redeem myself and I will sin no more." In this version, Coppola eliminates lines in which Michael asks why he is feared and not loved, removing that plea for the audience's sympathy. Michael gives Vincent control of the family, but does he really have a clear conscience when he knows too well the vengeance Vincent will plan?

The Trump era has been full of Godfather references; Trump himself regularly attacks CNN's Chris Cuomo by calling him Fredo.

That revenge plays out in the elaborate, gripping final sequence at the opera, a counterpart to one of the most famous episodes from The Godfather, when a baptism is intercut with a series of murders. That first sequence was about Michael's rise to power; now he suffers the consequences. While the family watches Tony on stage, Coppola weaves in scenes of Vincent's crew settling scores. One shoots an enemy who plummets off a beautiful spiral staircase. Another murders a rival by stabbing the man's own eyeglasses into his neck. At the opera, hitmen are after Michael, which leads to the shooting on the steps, and a bullet meant for him that kills Mary. For him there is no coming back from that, no possible way to forgive himself.  

As the film ends, Coppola makes a brilliant editing choice. The original ending flashed ahead years to the elderly Michael, sitting alone in a gravelly yard as the camera closes in on a face still full of desolation and sadness. He falls to the ground, obviously dead.  With a tiny cut, Coppola transforms the meaning of the scene. It now ends with the close-up of Michael's face, still alive. Living with his guilt is his true death, a death of the soul and of hope. Coppola adds text at the end, which says: “When the Sicilians wish you ‘Cent'anni’... it means ‘for long life’... and a Sicilian never forgets.” Michael is doomed to a long life of remembering.

Godfather, Coda restores Coppola's original darker vision, but one element creates a jolt even he couldn't have seen coming. The locations listed in the end credits include Trump Castle Casino Resort in Atlantic City, where the exterior of the helicopter attack was shot. The Trump era has been full of Godfather references. Some are from mainsteam media, including a 2018 Atlantic Magazine article with the headline Donald Trump Goes Full Fredo, comparing a Trump tweet saying that he is “like, really smart” to Fredo famously insisting in Godfather II, “I'm smart! Not like everybody says, like dumb, I'm smart!”  Similarly, Twitter trolls routinely mock the president's circle and his grown children as Fredos, portraying them as weak and bumbling like the character,  including pasting Donald Trump Jr’s head on a photo of Fredo's body.  Donald Trump himself regularly attacks CNN's Chris Cuomo by calling him Fredo. Godfather II even turned up in court documents charging Trump's advisor Roger Stone with obstructing justice, citing an email in which Stone asked someone to protect him the way Frankie Pentangeli covered up for the Corleones. Today the location credit lands like a coda to the end of the Trump presidency, and offers a reminder of how influential the Godfather films have been, even when they were embraced for all the wrong reasons.

Mario Puzo's The Godfather, Coda: The Death of Michael Corleone is available on BluRay and streaming from 8 December.

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https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20201201-why-the-godfather-part-iii-has-been-unfairly-demonised

https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20201201-david-fincher-hollywoods-most-disturbing-director

[weaselbeaselpants]

All you need to know about my sucky rewrite

Since the actual show’s getting greenlit here’s my sooperoriginal ideas of my reboot/rewrite/reimagine thing called “Happy hotELL”

The cast of “Happy hoteLL” are renamed versions of the Hazbin cast:

Charly, Vee (she’s nick-named “Vaggy” by Engel) Engel, Niftie, Hux, Alastair, Lord Satan and Lilian, Flim-Flam and JibJab, Karen Killjoy, Sir Pantsless.

The main villains would be human!archangels based on Estus Pirkle and Kirk Cameron.

The main demons under Charly all embody a deadly sin in how they ended up in hell: Engel = Wrath (hated himself and other people), Niftie = Envy (tormented people at school in order to impress a boy), Hux = Lust (stalked/objectified various women in his life), Vee = Pride (too proud to admit she made bad choices), and Alastar = Gluttony (for reasons already discussed here).

Setting

The “afterworld”, the setting our characters inhabit, is separated into three sections: HEAVEN which is where the Archangels rule and were “good” souls go; HELL, which is the main setting of the show and where the archangels swoop down to purge of all the “bad” souls that end up there; and LIMBO, a primordial pocket-dimension with no direct portal to through the other two worlds. Limbo turns out to be the place the archangels, the true rulers of Heaven, are hiding. The mortal or ‘human’ world is between Heaven and Hell and is accessed by similar means to how it is in Helluva Boss. 

Angels and demons which were never human are referred to as ARCHANGELS/OVERLORDS and CHERUBS/IMPS. Ascended/damned souls are those of people who’ve ended up in either Heaven or Hell.

Heaven and Hell both have class systems. Imps and Overlords and Cherubs and Archangels are SUPPOSED to rule over all the human souls in their care. But Heaven’s archangels have gone missing - abandoned their posts for the peaceful content of limbo - leaving human angels to rise up and over time dictate how Heaven is to be run and who gets redeemed....this is as bad as you think it is, as the human!archangels care only for their “purity” over everyone else and keep people who should be allowed into heaven out just for not being to their standards - like Vee. The Overlords of Hell are unaware of this and have been unknowingly doing the human!angels’ business for hundreds of years. 

>The implication that this system for disposing of evil souls has failed is made well before the second season twist because damned human souls (Alastair) have become overlords and exist in Hell without being purged as an open secret, even to Charly’s parents. The only reason the true Overlords oppose any of the human!Overlords’ reign is because it disrupts their order in Hell, not out of any sense of justice.

There is NO monotheistic deity in this world; angels and demons used to live in “pantheons”, aka tribes, across the earth where they created life and the ecosystems there as well - thusly, they became gods to the people of these regions too. Satan and Lilian are from what would come to be the Abrahamic angels. In time, other mythologies’ underworld counterparts - and even some benevolent gods - would have the power diminish on earth and they’d have to live in Hell if they didn’t want to be wiped out by the crusades the Archangel’s influence over humans. Understandably, a lot of non-Abrahamic angels and demons are NOT fond of this appropriation/erasure of their culture and want their own realm’s back, even trying to run their own redemption operation/afterlife control in secret or in limbo. (Imagine Charly meeting a Vivziepoped versions of Hades and Persephone or Oxhead and Horseface telling her to fuck off and her just being like “I KNEW someone had the same idea! I JUST KNEW IT! <3<3<3″)

ALL mortal souls are supposed to be sent to hell but a great many of them are KEPT from heaven because of the human!archangels. 

A demon is redeemed by either setting right a wrong they did in life or sacrificing their happiness for another. This is what happens to Vee at the end of the first season, which leaves Charly without a manager through season 2.

Satan’s backstory is a parody of Paradise Lost as he was the most beautiful angel in his pantheon before the others kicked him out. In revenge he took Lilian, their “first woman”, for his wife and rallied up an army which apparently ended with one mass-extinction event on earth.

There’s a section of Hell where demons who represent different vices/drugs live. It’s referred as “Viceland” and is treated like a kitty theme park.

Demons (overlord, imp, or damned-souls) can all be summoned by mortals who know their way with unholy magic. They’re summoned at really inconvenient times and for really worthless deeds and this would be a great source of comedy for the show and an excuse to get characters to the mortal realm.

Story

The first episode/pilot/episodes/minimovie/whatever would be basically the same as the pilot but with a few tweaks:

It shows a person dying, going to Hell, becoming a demon, and being purged (which the audience not quite knowing what just happened to him) with Engel happily takes the dead demon’s things once the dust clears. Then Charly and Vee’s limo pulls up to him and ask him if he’s interested in a “new gig”. Que title and credits.

Charly initially opens the hotel with the promise that it will be a place for vice and booze but lets it slip that it’s a front for rehabilitation. Once Engel’s story is picked up on by the network, Vee and Charly’s assistants (Flimflam and JibJab) attack Karen and destroy the news station.

It’s Engel - not Vee - who recognizes Alastair as the threat that he is - later it’s revealed that Engel was present during Alastair’s initial takeover and that his radio frequencies damaged Engel’s eye. Vee doesn’t believe him until she sees Alastair’s absorbtion powers, which is when she allows him to stay employed by the hotel to help take Alastair down.

Alastair stresses the need for Charly to keep him working with her a secret, ESPECIALLY from her parents. He’s technically a criminal in hell and he convinces Charly that her parents will be impressed with her bad deed once the jig is up.

The rest of Season 1 would probably be Alastair setting up the hotel while the main cast of demons become more aquainted with each other and the different levels of Hell.The end of season 1 would feature Alastair double-crossing Charly and consuming the hotel in his likeness while it’s hosting a demon’s ball - in the hopes of getting enough souls to reignite his takeover. Vee, Engel, and Charly manage to escape the hotel and Charly overpowers and defeats Al by destroying his microphone - thus releasing all the souls he’s trapped, and then destroys his physical form.

Season 2 would start with a face reveal of Satan, Charly’s father, as he forces her to eat Alastair’s heart which will put him under her control. She does, but Alastair’s conscience manifests inside Charly’s head and mocks her ideas throughout the season. Also in the opening Vee would become and angel and ascends for Heaven, leaving Charly to manage the now very popular hotel alone until Engel rises up to become her #2.

Season 2 would be more explorative, with more stuff featuring the demon’s lives as humans, Charly’s role in Hell, and even Vee in Heaven. We’d learn more about the way Hell, Heaven and Limbo work as Charly manages to redeem a couple more damned souls. At the end of the season, the demons discover a dead cherub with a message from Vee begging Charly for help. Charly first attempts to pass through the hidden realm of Limbo to get to Heaven, but Hux runs off with their means to get there, so instead she vomits up Alastair, the only other demon who knows how to get to heaven, and he assists them on the condition that he be granted amnesty once they return to Hell. In the end, Charly and co. discover Heaven’s corrupted state and realize the Archangels are missing, Vee looses her wings but ascends into a fallenangel, and they all escape the bloodthirsty angels due to Lilian’s interference.

The Overlords of Hell prepare for a new war with Heaven and Charly’s parents send her to the mortal realm for her protection. In the mortal realm, Charly and the demons disguise themselves and their base of operation as a bed and breakfast. Charly has trouble reeling in the overexcited demons who are out of place in this new time while also keeping Alastair, who has stashed away with her, from trapping souls. 

Halfway through season 3 Engel and the other motel staff find out Alastair’s human identity, which he was desperate to hide, and bring his now elderly human daughter to him. This causes Alastair to freak out and consume the bed and breakfast. Once Charly brings him to, his physical takes on that of a baby deer but his psyche and abilities are completely nulled.

While this is going on Vee, Hux, and Charly’s parents have their own adventures in Limbo where they meet the Archangels who have no idea how corrupt Heaven has gotten in their absence. It’s only through Hux and Vee that the main group is finally all reuninted in Hell where the finale takes place :

Engel and Niftie ascend into fallenangels and alongside Vee lead a brigade against the angels who now want to wipe out all the demons; Charly guilt trips her parents and the Archangels into taking action and combining their power to dismantle the angel’s weapons; Alastair comes back and personally takes out the main human!archangel and himself by throwing them into the center of Hell; big stupid happy lesbian ending fartjoke.

end

Characters

Charly’s relationship dynamic to her parents is flipped: her father, Satan (he doesn’t like being called Lucifer) LOVES her. He shares a lot of her personality and at worst doesn’t take Charly seriously or cares about her ambitions. Lilian, Charly’s mother resents her daughter. Lilian was hoping her daughter would bring forth the apocalypse but Charly doesn’t want to do that. It’s implied Charly’s optimism and need to help people comes from her father’s days as an Archangel, and her mother especially hates the angels for casting her out, which leads to her resenting Charly.

This doesn’t stop Satan from being genuinely impressed with his daughter’s achievements and for Lilian to be be the panicked-parent when she learns that Charly has broken into Heaven at the end of season 2. 

The Royal Family is not actively malicious. They’re more like privileged jailers on the top of the Hell-foodchain. The most evil things about them are their apathy towards human atrocities (and their subjects pain, of course), their occasional bouts of sadism, and their genuine glee at the thought of destruction - namely the apocalypse, which Satan and Lilian speak fondly about like a married couple would their retirement plans.

After Charly shows her true form while taking out Alastair, the other Overlords and Imps (i.g. Karen and 666 News) start heaping praise on her out of fear that she’ll retaliate for all the mockery they made of her when she unveiled her plan. Charly is uncomfortable with this.

Engel is BAD at his pornstar/sexworker career. He tries to sell himself as a sass-master incubus but can’t achieve this status in the demon hierarchy because of his short fuse and violent nature.

Engel thinks he’s in hell because he’s gay and likes crossdressing. In reality it’s because he was a member of a crime family and a murderous gangster, named Anatole Slinkoff. The first people he killed were his father and brother as he was assisting a young-up-and-coming rival who would eventually become his boss.

Speaking of that boss, Anatole fell in love with him. On Anatole’s birthday he and the boss got drunk and he ended up confessing his feelings. The boss invited a sobered up Anatole back to his flat the following week and seemed to return his affections with a kiss...which was then followed by a fatal stabbing. Engel never got over the heartbreak/betrayal.

Engel starts off as a toxic enabling jackass who lives in denial and uses sex and drugs to cope with how unhappy he is with himself. In season 2 he becomes Charly’s #2 and builds a strong friendship with her. Also in season 2 Engel meets his father, brother, and mother who are also in hell for their crimes. His father and bro amazingly forgive him for killing them while Engel’s mother - a god-fearing woman who would beat Engel if she found him wears makeup or playing with dolls as a child - asks him for forgiveness, saying she’s the reason her family and he specifically ended up where he did. After Engel patches things up with them he tries to locate the souls of the people he killed and in the process finds out his old boss went to Heaven. At first Engel sets out to kill his boss and get revenge, but upon actually finding him living in fear in Limbo, he can’t bring himself to do so and instead chooses to just not forgive him.

Engel ascends/becomes a fallenangel in the final season when he meets an imp with a similar taste of humor and style. Rather than rush into a relationship as he’s done with every person he’s got with since he ended up in hell, Engel tells his new lover he wants to wait until he’s stable for a relationship, which triggers his transformation.

Molly doesn’t exist. Molly is instead the name of Engel’s feminine alterego and later the name Engel takes up as a fallenangel.

Vee, like Engel, also thinks she’s in hell for all the wrong reasons: She ran away from her controlling parents, thinking she could live on her own just fine. She could not. Instead she wound up turning to a life of crime and prostitution to support herself after a plethora of bad decisions and heartbreaks. When her parents sent word out all over the country, begging her to come back and that they were wrong, but she still refused. In the end one of her clients ended up strangling her. Her soul SHOULD have been one that went to Heaven but was barred off by the human!archangels for being a “thug”. Vee tried to get herself purged after her first few months in Hell, convinced that she deserved it, but Charly saved her and the blast instead only took out one of her eyes. Vee and her story are Charly’s main inspiration to open up the hotel.

Vee and Charly obviously have a romantic relationship from the start but Vee doesn’t see their love as anything serious. When Vee becomes an angel at the end of season 1/beginning of season 2, she rather cruelly leaves Charly without a second thought and discards their relationship is ‘passing sin’. It isn’t until she spends more time in Heaven, seeing the other angels’ being restricted (including her parents, who admit to actually being miserable in Heaven) and finding her rejection notice from the human!archangels that Vee realizes she does love Charly and that her redemption was always HER doing, not someone else’s.

Vee makes the unwise decision to confront the Archangels (whom she doesn’t know are actually human souls) about this treatment. They respond by locking Vee away and performing a “purification” on her which is like electroshock therapy. This sedates Vee into a mindless drone, much to the horror of the cherubs, angels, and eventually Charly and the gang.

Vee, in her purified state, doesn’t want to leave Heaven and go back to Hell. Charly, realizing the woman she loves is gone, tearfully tells her she won’t ask Vee to be anything she doesn’t want to be and that she loves her. This confession breaks through to the real Vee. Their happy reunion is cut short however by the human!archangels who rip off Vee’s wings, causing her and Charly to fall. It’s here though that Vee again ascends, this time into a fallenangel, and grows her own pair of wings and an angels’ weapon which she uses to kill Perkins, the head archangel and save the rest of the cast.

Throughout season 3, Vee and Charly’s parents turn the Happy Hotel into a refuge for human souls and imps while the angels and demons prepare for new spiritual warfare. Vee also tracks down Hux and multiple other “lost souls” in Limbo in her search for the Archangels.

Vee commands Hell’s army alongside Molly and Niftie in the show’s final climax and she gets a happy ending running a shanty motel in Limbo alongside Charly.

In life, Niftie was a teenager who tried to grow up too fast and gave up her hobbies and interests to impress her childhood friend (whom she was in love with). By following the lead of a more popular classmate, Niftie became a bully who ruled her school’s social status. Then she learned that her “teacher” had been in love with the same guy and he was returning her feelings - which drove Niftie into a rage and she tried killing the both of them on their senior prom night. She tried running them over with her car, putting the girl in the hospital, paralyzing the boy forever, and ruining her reputation at school (for saying she couldn’t drive when she did; not for the attempted murder). The boy she loved hated her, and the rest of the school bullied her until she gave in and took her own life in the bathroom.

The other demons are especially sympathetic towards Nifty. Charly finds it horrible that she end up in hell at such a young age. Hux is very protective of her. However, Niftie is more self-aware than she appears; she acts more childish than she actually is because she wishes she was still a kid, but does NOT like being treated like a literal child - especially by Charly and Engel. She only warms up to Charly when Hux abandons her and she’s forced to be an authority figure under Engel while the group stages things out in the mortal realm.

In the mortal realm, Niftie ends up coming across her old hishschool friend, now an old woman in a wheelchair, who believes it’s her fault everything ended the way it did. Niftie tells the lady not to feel guilty and instead apologizes to her - which ignites Niftie’s ascension into a fallenangel.

Hux was a moderately successful show magician. Heartbroken by being unable to woo a woman he loved with his success, he turned to drinking and took up relationships with women who worked under him  - all of these relationships were toxic and Hux would break their hearts and ruin their lives. When Hux arrived in Hell it was during a purge. He found his original sweetheart there but she, not him, was purged, cementing Hux’s views of redemption and justice...that there is NONE.

Hux is mostly apathetic and disbelieves along with everyone else in Charly’s plan UNTIL he finds out that one of the women he hurt escaped into Limbo. When the main cast tried to use their one passage to Limbo to get to Heaven in season 2, Hux takes the pass for himself.

In Season 3, Vee finds Hux enjoying his time in Limbo and calls him out for his selfishness. Hux introduces her to all the women he wronged, who DON’T forgive him, and also his new business in Limbo selling drinks that make people recall their past lives.

Together with Vee, Hux thinks up a plan to have the overcrowded souls of Hell and Heaven wait out the war in Limbo while simultaneously kicking out the Archangels so that they won’t notice the influx of souls in their realm.

Sir Pantsless is the show’s biggest buttmonkey and is constantly abused. He’s a tiny demon trying to ride off other Overlord’s success and who’s design is a wimpy, trying-to-hard version of Charly’s dad. In life, Sir Pantsless was a Victorian-era businessman who lived a long, happy life of abusing child-workers in factories and getting away with all his evil deeds. Charly’s dad even admits to keeping him out of the purge purposefully because he finds Pantsless’ pain amusing.

Themes and other stuff worth noting

If there’s a lesson I guess I’d try to push with the ending of this rewrite it would be, ironically, that neither Heaven nor Hell hold your true morality. It’s on you for making mistakes; it’s up to you to overcome them - you literally have to go through hell - to fix them! It also shouldn’t be up to Heaven and Hell how punishment/enlightenment works or why it’s worth anything.

This is NOT supposed to be an antireligion/antiChristian story. Not at ALL. It’s anti absolutism and anti religiousSUPREMACY story.  I know then that people will probably not want me basing this version of Heaven off Evangelicals, but like Viv, that’s the religion that closest for me to criticize. If I were Jewish or Hindu or Muslim I would so be about tearing their hypocrisies down....but I’m not. I know all about the injustices in those religions but I’m not comfortable tearing them a new one as a white Christian. My mother’s fam are recovering Christian Science-folk. Also, have you watched anything about Left Behind? It’s genuinely an eye opening experience when it comes to Americanized Christianity and even the lore of Hell and Demons in regards to the book of revelations.

Lotsa references to The Divine Comedy and Paradise Lost with the implication that these works are fan fiction to the demons of actual events with Dante never even making it out of Hell because he was too prideful. (Charly’s father has two faces in his wings/comb which are constantly chewing parts of Dante like chewing gum).

I know Viv says she’s hoping to get Weird Al to voice Lucifer. Personally I think a better unlikely but TOTALLY FITTING devil would be mah man Martyn Jacques of The Tiger Lillies. They even have a circus motif!

Engel probably claims his name is supposed to be misspelled on purpose. In reality, it’s cause he was drunk when submitting his resume to be an incubus and made a typo for his new name.

Vee’s human name is Marianna Posada. GET IIIIIT.

Alastair’s human name is Edward Hastings. Edward being the name of the American Murder Song which inspired my Alastair, while Hastings is the last name of the man who helped doomed the Donner Party.

[moonlightreal]

Fate ep 3, second half

Welcome back!  So I’m enjoying the heck outta Fate… but not as a Winx thing.  I mean,

Things Fate has in common with Winx:

Some of the names.

Things Fate does not have in common with Winx:

The rest of the names, the characters’ personalities, how magic works, how the world works, who’s dating who, the color of Riven’s hair, how many drugs everyone’s doing, the style of clothing, who the teachers are, what the school looks like, what Bloom’s parents are like, etc. etc.

If they’d just renamed it Elemental Academy it’d still have been a fun show and we could’ve skipped all… this…

Gods I wish we could’ve skipped all this.  

But weirdly separate from all this, I’m reviewing a show with some teachers who I like.

The students of Elemental Academy are headed to the quietest rave ever! Lots of purple lightbars and everybody’s drinking!  Ok, if the teachers know how many substances their students are using shouldn’t they at least try to not let them?  Ok, I can see Silva having a grand time making everybody do grueling workouts while hung over but substances and healthy fighting form don’t go together longterm.

Terra explains.  This is the east wing of Alfea, “It used to be used for war preparations but since there hasn’t been a conflict in a while no one really comes down here.  Except for tonight!”  

I want to know what the last war was about, who fought in it, who they were fighting against, how often wars happen in the Otherworld… but Bloom wants a beer.

Ohmigod Terra brought pot brownies!  Ahahahahaha!  That was literally a joke on discord weeks before Fate aired, that Terra would be the fairy of pot brownies.  Also Musa has gorgeous eye makeup.  Race stuff aside, Elisha Applebaum is really pretty.  Sam comes over, and there’s Dane.  Sam gives Terra grief about the special brownies.  And Dane ditches her to go offer Riven and Sky some special brownies.  Poor Terra.

Bloom finds Sky and asks about Silva and Sky opens up to being upset, that Silva raised him and having Silva’s life in danger is messing him up.  Then Sky asks Bloom about her parents and she says it’s complicated and she maybe needs more booze to go into it.  Sky wouldn’t mind a distraction himself, so off to drink it is!

Debauchery! Beer pong!  Bloom and Aisha versus Sky and Riven!  Everyone drinking lots of cups!  Bloom uses her power to make beer hot, which is neat since warmth seems much more useful than fire.  Aisha tries to use her magic to bounce the ball out and ends up blasting all the cups and drenching Riven.  Who probably deserves it just on genera…. Yup, here he is, telling Bloom about Sky’s last girl!  Ricki, Stella’s last roommate and bestie until she flirted with Sky and Stella blinded her.  On purpose.  Bloom can’t believe it.  Sky just says, ‘Yeah. that’s the story.’  But the mood is well and truly killed, and Bloom goes off to find Aisha.

Stella is in a dress solid with sequins, standing with a student in a full beard, I think.

Looking for Aisha Bloom wanders into a storage room for war stuff, and finds a class picture!  There she is, the dream woman standing with a class of specialists!  I think she must’ve been the Specialist trainer before Silva.

Sam and Musa flirt.  Smooching!  

Then Musa senses Terra coming as a wave of social anxiety and Sam vanishes through a pillar to escape.  Terra wants Musa to read Dane’s mind to see if they have a chance.  Musa says there is a chance.

Dane, riven and Beatrix have found the war supplies too.  Plate armor! This world still uses plate armor!  They do a three-way smoking of one joint, which is so gross.  I know covid wasn’t a thing when this was made but eeeeeeeew the poor actors!  Riven is his horrible self and teases Dane about how much Terra wants his dick.  And Riven whose shirt was splashed with beer, wants to steal Dane’s.  Run, Dane, find better friends!

We jump to Stella and the bearded student who is ladling out punch.  Sky comes right over and goes, ‘We need to talk about Ricki!” right there in the middle of the party.  Stella is horrified.  They back and forth… the jist seems to be that the rumor isn’t true. Stella didn’t blind Ricki on purpose but she wants everyone to think she did.  Probably she did it by accident and would rather be thought of as evil than weak, which is kinda understandable.  But Sky points out that being with Stella now makes him look like a total nut.

Text arrives!  The Burned One is dead!  Whew!

What? How!  The trained adults never succeed in this kind of story!  At least they lived.

And here Bloom is photographing the specialist alumni photos.  Beatrix comes in and says, ‘Are you photocollaging at a party?  Why are we not friends?”  Bloom asks who the woman is but Beatrix says she doesn’t know.  

Bloom goes and shows the pictures to Aisha.  Dowling is in the photo so she must know.  Aisha wants to ask Dowling tomorrow when they’re sober but Bloom’s keen to go now.  Aisha basically says if Bloom is dumb enough to go demand answers at midnight while drunk, Aisha’s out.  

In the headmistress’ office Beatrix and Callan are ready for another go at the secret passage trap!  Since Bloom asked about Rosalind, the plot is thickening and they have to get through now!  But they haven’t disarmed the trap.  So Beatrix lightnings up and tosses Callan through the door.  That was direct!  The guy goes blue in the lips and falls down probably dying.  Beatrix goes through the secret door and down the stairs beyond.

Sky finds Silva but oh no, he’s not better!  It was the wrong Burned One!  There are more!  Sky says he’s done waiting, he wants to fight.  He storms off.

In the cafeteria Dowling and Harvey mourn.  It’s their job to fix this Burned One problem and they’re not having much luck.

And here comes ragey drunk Bloom!  She holds up the picture and demands an infodump.  Rosalind was the headmistress before Dowling during a “difficult period in Alfea’s history” And Rosalind’s dead.

...no she isn’t.  Obviously.

Bloom can read the Plot as well as I can, and heads down to the stone circle to make contact!  While drunk at night.  But this is awesome, she flames up her hands and lights a ring of braziers and the magic silver vessel.  Her jacket’s on fire too.  Then the flames all go out and she droops over crying.  Sky runs over in battle kit and Bloom tells him about the changeling thing and how she just wants answers.  Then she asks why Sky’s dressed for battle.  Sky’s going Burned One hunting!  And Bloom thinks she can track the thing, she can sense them.  Now Bloom’s the sensible one who suggests telling Dowling but Sky runs past her into the forest and Bloom takes off after him.

Now there’s that plot I knew should be there!

We cut back to the party where Terra is playing beer pong and gets to hug Dane who is topless ‘cause Riven stole his shirt.  I think Riven is playing some kinda wingman here.

Stella rushes over to ask about Sky, and Riven stirs the pot basically saying he spilled the “blinding” thing to Bloom then jumps into, ‘no no, they’re just friends, no need to blind her too!’

Stella: “I wouldn’t waste my magic on a changeling!”

Show, if you do not tell me what the stigma of changelings is about--!

Riven didn’t know, so Stella just stilled some beans back as getting revenge on a completely different person?

Bloom sends a text.  Emergency Burned One hunt at the stone circle!

It interrupts Musa mid-snog with Sam.

Beatrix walks down a dark hallway and finds… the barrier-ed door from the trailer!

Bloom and Sky pass through the barrier and end up in a place that looks like where Bloom was trying her magic a few episodes ago.  Bloom says it’s close.  Sky wants to know why Bloom can track it, Bloom wants to know that too.  They go back to back but the Burned One looms

Magic battle!  Sky gets in a few sword swings before he’s knocked down! A voice calls, ‘Close your eyes!” before Stella unleashes blinding light!  Terra uses her cousin’s favorite trick and vines it to the ground and Bloom throws fire calling on Aisha to help put it out.  And Sky skewers the Burned One with his sword.  Down it goes!

But Musa can tell it’s not dead yet.  It leaps up—then catches fire from the inside, shining orange light, then falls again.  This was a top quality battle!

Dowling appears behind the girls and confirms it’s dead now.

Beatrix emerges from the tunnels to find Callan still frozen and blue-lipped. Was Dowling’s trap actually killing him or was it just keeping him paralyzed?  We’ll never know because Beatrix uses lightning to blast him to dust!

I mean, Callan wasn’t much but that’s put Beatrix solidly in irredeemable territory.

But good news, we saved the more interesting adult!  Silva is on the mend.  Well enough to immediately give Sky grief about going after a Burned One like an idiot.  Sky only cares if his mentor is better, and he hugs Silva.  Sweet moment all round.

The girls are getting the same from Dowling.  But Musa sensed a tiny bit of pride in the headmistress.

Sky arrives, and Bloom says they should all get home, leaving Stella to talk to Sky.  The other four have clearly bonded, and Stella’s clearly the odd one out.  Stella says, ‘I was awful today.  Seeing you scared I couldn’t deal with it.” and, ‘You’re the only one that knows the real me.”  she goes in for a kiss but Sky pulls back saying, “That’s your choice, Stella.”

Stella disagrees.  “I’m the heir to the Solarian throne, if you knew the kind of pressure...” and says Sky is her safety net and she needs to know he’s there if she needs him.  But what if he needs somebody?

Which brings up a side issue.  I don’t think Sky and Stella are doing the deed these days, but if they are or were that’s epic dumb for the heir to a kingdom.  Royalty tends to care about premarital romps more than commoners, and if they came down with a case of surprise baby that baby would be a future heir!  And then they’d pretty much have to get married, and if Eraklyon was on the other side of those wars nobody’ll tell us about that could add up to a real mess.

I wonder if there was sex in the past, Stella desperate for a distraction to get her out of her own head while knowing that every time the clothes came off they were taking a big risk thus creating more stress by the very means they tried to escape it.

This show tries to be all dark and gritty by having teenagers do loads of drugs but did they think of all this?  It’s just practicality but it’d be plenty dark.  

Over in the dorm Terra’s getting ready for bed.  Musa comes to say, ‘your brother’s pretty great.’ but Terra laughs it off, not paying attention.  She texts Dane to say she had fun at the party and Dane replies with a video of himself shirtless roughhousing with Riven.  The phrase, “fat girl with the brownies” is the only thing that can be understood.  I think Beatrix is filming, and she films the three of them doing a trio-smooch with pot smoke!  

Terra cries.  This show is cruel to her.  Not as bad as I was expecting it to be, but bad enough.  Hope she strangles the lot of ‘em.

Over with Bloom and Aisha, Bloom says, ‘You’d be proud of me, I went to the stone circle but chose not to summon all my magic and burn the Otherworld down.”

That was a choice?  That did not look like a choice, Bloom.

Bloom starts in on sensing the Burned One and Dowling being sus and Rosalind, but Aisha is done being the sidekick.  She suggests there might be no conspiracy and offers the really logical idea that maybe a teenage student got pregnant and didn’t know what to do so Rosalind changelinged the baby.  Good on Aisha for trying to climb out of the rabbit hole, but Bloom’s too deep and says there are too many unanswered questions.  I mean, she’s a destiny-ridden protagonist so she is right, but after last month we’ve seen in the real world how far people can go when they feel that they’re destiny-ridden protagonists…  feels different now.  The show in its cultural context.

Then Aisha says “some people” would kill to be a natural with magic like Bloom is even if she’s just an “ordinary” fairy and says Bloom should be “realistic.”  

Oh Aisha, when will you learn to not say stuff?  For Bloom “realistic” means birth parents who didn’t want her and gave her up.  Bloom starts crying saying she has to believe there’s more to it than that.  And yeah, that is understandable.

Ending scene with the adults in Dowling’s unlit office!  “Bloom had a memory of the fairy that left her in the human world.  It was Rosalind.”  One of the guys says, “Ah shit.”  As the camera moves down toward the mystery barrier in the tunnel Dowling continues, “Bloom has the potential to be one of the most powerful fairies the Otherworld has ever seen.  If Rosalind is calling to her there’s a reason.  We can never let them meet.’

And there’s Rosalind inside the barrier!  Not dead.

Good ending music this time, but no lyrics.

I think Dowling hasn’t yet realized her secretary got lightninged to death.

I’ve also been wondering who “he” the evil overlord could be.  Can’t be Rosalind because she’s a she!  None of the named male characters seem at all sus.  Callan’s dead, Sky’s dad is named but dead (unless he isn’t), Silva and Harvey are way too sweet, and Beatrix has no respect for any of the teenagers.  Unless one of them is getting possessed maybe?  Riven vaped in an evil spirit and occasionally his eyes glow and he spouts evil orders?  Maybe it’s a guy we haven’t met yet, or a master Burned One on a dark throne in a cave somewhere.  That’d make sense.

My main curiosity now is for Stella’s full story!  Stella is an interesting character!  Despicable, but interesting now that I’ve stopped thinking she’s going to be anything like the other Stella. Maybe we’ll find out… next time on Elemental Academy!

[disneyat34]

Dumbo at 34

A review by Adam D. Jaspering

We remember things as we want to remember them. Memories distort perception and perception distorts reality. Childhood is especially remembered well. If not the entire childhood, elements. People romanticize memories from the feelings they evoke, and discard the reality. 

The circus is a prime example. The circus was once a staple of American pleasure. It brought entertainment, excitement, and exotic animals to small towns across the US. In days before the internet, before TV, and before movies were mainstream, it was a necessity. 

People remember the old-timey charm, the whimsical environments and otherworldly aura. Nobody wants to remember the adverse working conditions, the high rate of injury, or the gross abuse of animals. Nobody remembers the smell of port-a-potties or the heaps of animal manure. People remember the calliopes and cotton candy. 

It’s quite appropriate Dumbo takes place at a circus. Everybody remembers the movie fondly, but nobody seems to acknowledge its flaws. It’s heralded uncontested as a Disney masterpiece despite a number of problematic issues.

For starters, the film is only 64 minutes in length. This includes the opening credits. From a logistical standpoint, one can understand the purpose. Disney Studios took a financial hit from Pinocchio and Fantasia. They needed something not only profitable, but cheap. The same way that a three-wheeled car saves money on tires.

The story of Dumbo is one of growth and confidence when faced with adversity and doubt. However, the plot is about a young elephant finding an act in a circus. Dumbo tries, and he fails. He tries again, he fails again. Finally, he tries and he succeeds. An entire plot thread seems missing from the film. Dumbo learning to fly (both literally and figuratively) should support a larger narrative.

There are no stakes for Dumbo. His failures don’t affect the circus’s income or popularity. Dumbo is ostracized, but still cared for as well as any other animal in the show. He is ridiculed, but still performs every night. 

The movie ends before any growth or change is displayed by the secondary characters. Everybody likes Dumbo once he can fly, but do they like him, or do they like his profitability and popularity? If a lion with an extra long tail is born, will he be mocked until he earns respect too?

Everybody in the circus feels comfortable calling him “Dumbo” at the movie’s end. Canonically, his official name is Jumbo Jr, named so by his mother. Everybody calls him Dumbo, a deliberate insult. The name sticks, even for the viewing audience. Either Dumbo begrudgingly accepts this epithet, or reclaims it. Either way, at least his mother should refuse it.

Dumbo’s mother is Mrs Jumbo, a pariah and outcast among the other circus elephants. What causes this exclusion is never explained or hinted at. The other elephants are just jerks. She has no friends, no confidantes, and is apparently widowed; there is never a mention or allusion of a Mr Jumbo. She has nobody in her life. This is presumably why she is so desperate to become a mother at the movie’s inception.

The film begins with a muster of storks delivering babies to various circus animals. It’s a cartoon staple and a very convenient workaround, explaining the miracle of a baby without the depiction of childbirth or implications of procreation. It also justifies how Dumbo is born despite there being no male elephants anywhere in the circus.

For whatever reason, these storks all deliver their parcels on the same night. All except for Mrs Jumbo’s coveted baby elephant. Baby Dumbo is delivered the following day. After seeing everyone else enjoying their children. After her hopes are dashed. There’s no explanation why the stork arrives late, well after the circus is dismantled and loaded aboard a train. Dumbo is delivered a day late for the sake of drama.

The train itself is almost a character itself. It has a name: Casey Jr. It has a face. It emotes. It speaks. But can he be rightfully called a character? Casey Jr doesn’t interact with other characters. He has no goals or desires besides acting and moving like an ordinary train. It’s an odd design choice, leaving Casey Jr halfway between being a robot and the pathetic fallacy.

Casey Jr is an interpretation of the famed children’s story, The Little Engine That Could. Casey Jr even uses the famous line, “I think I can, I think I can” as he climbs a hill. The story’s most famous interpretation was a 1930s picture book by Watty Piper (a name one could only have in the 1930s). The character and story itself belongs to the public domain. 

It wouldn’t surprise me if somebody at Disney Studios tried and failed to make an animated short based on the story. As consolation, they retrofitted the character for a bit part in an unrelated, developing film. The cumbersomely named 'Little Engine That Could' was renamed ‘Casey Jr,’ and a new character is added to Dumbo's universe. A character Dumbo never meets or interacts with, and has no bearing on the plot. If nothing else, he adds five minutes to Dumbo’s anemic runtime.

Design is one of Dumbo’s weakest points. Human characters are hyper-stylized caricatures of actual people. Perhaps intentionally, so we empathize more with the comparatively realistic animals. But the animators went too far. The Ringmaster is so rotund, he seems inflated. The clowns have bizarre proportions which are somehow reigned in by their baggy costumes and floppy shoes. The rowdy child who assaults Dumbo looks more like a chimpanzee than a boy. 

The character of Timothy Q Mouse is perplexing. Is he employed by the circus, or just a circus enthusiast who hangs around the fairgrounds after hours? What would a circus gain from hiring a mouse? Why does he dress like a bandleader? Does this imply an unseen mouse marching band? He never displays any musical ability. He’s there because the movie needs him to be there.

Being Dumbo’s sole friend is Timothy’s secondary purpose. His primary purpose is to outwardly verbalize the thoughts and emotions of Dumbo. Our protagonist is mute throughout the film and most characters avoid talking to Dumbo directly. Without Timothy, Dumbo would stare at camera sadly for the movie’s run.

The circus folk themselves are weird, and not just their physical attributes. The Ringmaster is a bombastic Italian man who, as Timothy describes, “never had an idea in his life.” He seems genuine, eager to entertain his audience with an entertaining and original show. His real malice is never workshopping ideas. He will not hesitate to endanger the lives of his employees or animals on his fanciful whims. 

Can six full-grown elephants balance on a rubber ball? Who knows. Let’s put it in the show. Is it safe to have a baby elephant drop twenty feet into a washtub full of shaving cream? We’ll find out. Is it a good idea to start a fire underneath a canvas tent for the sake of a firefighter sketch? The audience likes it, so who cares? Go stand next to the fire, clowns.

There’s an old adage about doing anything for a laugh, but the clowns from Dumbo take it to a sociopathic extreme. The clowns develop an entire act around humiliating Dumbo. When the skit is a success, they drunkenly decide to put Dumbo in more humiliating situations and more precarious stunts.

It’s implied the clowns are the low men in the circus’s caste; those who cannot perform elsewhere are subjected to the humiliation of clowndom. Does the scorn beget the malice, or did the malice beget the scorn? 

Perhaps this is why the clowns are never shown as actual humans. Throughout the movie, they either appear in their grotesque, make-up clad personas, or in various states of undress as silhouettes inside a circus tent. At all times, they are either 100% clown or some spectral figure. They are never seen as human, because there is certainly no humanity to them.

However, the most questionable employees are the laborers. The laborers are not entertainers; they have no face time with any circus patrons. And yet, they are the most important employees of the circus. They are responsible for unloading the train and erecting the many circus structures. 

These laborers, tasked with the most arduous and backbreaking of work, are all large black men. As a stylistic choice, they are all depicted faceless. Not even worthy of dignity, they are robbed of any identity and distinguishing characteristics beyond skin color. 

To cushion our objections, the laborers sing about how much they like the work. The song is no comfort. They sing about being illiterate. They sing about being underpaid, and routinely subject to wage theft. They sing about how its their very nature to be irresponsible with money. They literally use the word “slave,” and “ape” to describe their circumstances. Thank you, 1940s.

The only other black characters are a murder of crows introduced in act three. These crows must be less racist in depiction and demeanor than the laborers, right? They couldn't possibly be worse, right? Then one learns the leader of the avian posse was named “Jim Crow” on all Disney material until the 1960s. 

The entire Civil Rights Movement needed to happen, but somebody eventually realized a children’s cartoon character named after the most provocative blackface character in history, the namesake of the American laws that enforced segregation, was a bad idea. It didn’t help Jim was voiced by a white actor. Cliff Edwards voiced Jim Crow (later renamed Dandy Crow), the same actor also voiced Jiminy Cricket in Pinocchio. Jiminy Cricket has appeared regularly as a beloved figure in Disney merchandise and material. Dandy Crow has not.

To Disney’s credit, the other crows were voiced by actual black actors. Although, one has to wonder if the AAVE was written into the screenplay, or if the director asked the actors to create it on the spot. There’s no good answer.

The crows’ musical number was performed by the all-black Hall Johnson Choir (with the exception of Edwards’s vocals). Their number, When I See an Elephant Fly, is one of the better pieces of music in the Disney catalog. It's full of jazz scatting and clever wordplay. It’s a shame its existence is marred by its racially charged source.

How an oversized pair of ears grants the ability to fly is not important. It’s a cartoon. The ears are a means to an end: the physical feature that made Dumbo a laughingstock also granted him a most unique ability. Differences make us strong. It’s a good moral (even if the film is hypocritical).

The depiction of the moral’s resolution, however, raises eyebrows. Upon discovering he has the ability to fly, Dumbo seizes the opportunity to take revenge on those who wronged him. He circles around the big top, swooping at the ringmaster, scaring the clowns, shooting peanuts at the other elephants like bullets from a machine gun. ‘Make your enemies pay,’ is the takeaway. Suffer all, enemies of Dumbo.

Some may argue Dumbo’s character arc is not redemption for himself, but for his mother. Mrs Jumbo spanks a young boy who assaults her infant son. The circus folk misinterpret this act as a rampage. She’s is subsequently shackled and imprisoned for the forseeable future. 

Even after being deemed hazardous and mad, Mrs Jumbo is never sent away. There is no indication of punishment beyond isolation (why the circus keeps a dangerous rampaging elephant on circus grounds is a creative liberty). The true punishment is being separated from her son.

The movie ends with Dumbo as the star of the show. Everyone sings his praises, he has his own personal train car, and Mrs Jumbo is freed. The question is, why is Mrs Jumbo freed? Just because Dumbo is beloved, why is Mrs Jumbo’s perception as a threat forgotten? Why is she forgiven because her son is popular? Dumbo cannot speak, how can he serve as a character witness? Why does Dumbo's achievement redeem his mother's actions? The writers delivered a happy ending by solving a problem that was never actually solved.

Dumbo is a film full of illogical scenes and developments. It's grandfathered into the cultural pantheon despite outdated imagery and storytelling. It has good intentions, utilizing themes of overcoming adversity, the endurance of familial love, and appreciating each other's differences. But these good intentions are drowned in too many narrative shortcuts and a sloppy execution. It’s a pleasant movie the less you remember, and most people’s memories are hazy. What’s more appropriate from a film whose most famous scene is a surreal drunken musical hallucination?

Fantasia Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Pinocchio Dumbo

[bojokehorseman]

The Big BJ Meta

Part One: Analysis of Seasons 1 - 5

So Bojack is a show that is as much about morality and accountability as it is about dealing with existential loneliness and trauma. And bc Boj season six is the first part of an accumulation of a six season journey, we need to recap a little.

[major triggers for alcohol, drugs, parental abuse, sexual abuse and physical abuse]

Season 1 introduces us to this dissatisfied, overly-privileged, cynical narcissist. Boj, in my opinion, is prototypical of literally any male art teacher: a self-proclaimed worldly artist who’s given up on his dreams and tends to take it out on everyone else & self destruct despite his occasional moments of genuine wit. We briefly explore his neglectful childhood and his dysfunctional influence on his TV daughter, Sarah Lynn, that continues to present day.

Diane’s book—which, inexplicably, is clearly not written as a ghostwritten autobio but maybe this breach in contract is bc the penguin editor is so desperate—anyways, boj’s strong negativity to Diane’s book represents not only his self hatred but his inability to accept the way he’s perceived by others. He wants to disassociate from the bad parts of his personality as to avoid their consequences and continue the cycle anew. When Bojack asks Diane if he’s a good person “deep down”, Diane tells him he can only be a good person by doing good things. Looking back at the relationships he’s sabotaged: Herb, Todd, Diane, even Sarah Lynn, this depresses him. However, his tell-all book and his negative worldview are what get him his dream role. The season ends with him signing an autograph at the planetarium, subsequent to watching old Horsin Around DVDs. I suspect he visited the planetarium in an attempt to reconnect w Sarah Lynn (conscious or otherwise), meanwhile the autograph signifies that on a superficial level, he’s on top of the world.

Boj season 2 explores how he tries to “cure” his depression by pushing down his negative feelings and replacing them with new goals, new furniture, new podcasts. But as Kelsey Jennings says, people get stuck in a loop of arrested development when their emotional growth goes unchallenged, exemplified by the fact that Boj finds himself dating the one and only woman on Earth who’s mentally stuck in the eighties due to a twenty-year coma. This aggressive positivity to the point of delusion shows up especially when Bojack is unable to act out serious scenes in secretariat and is more comically exemplified in Princess Carolyn’s relationship to a ten year old in a trench coat.

Boj’s self-help attitude subsides when he receives a call from his emotionally vaulted mother and Herb dies of a peanut allergy. With the realisation that his dream job hasn’t fulfilled him, he seeks meaning in his old crush Charlotte who was once Herb’s beard. The reality that Charlotte’s settled down with a family in New Mexico, thus crushing his domestic fantasy of them living in a cottage in mane, spurs him further into escapism and destructive tendencies. He takes adavange of Charlotte’s teenaged daughter, having displaced his feelings toward Charlotte onto Penny. (Themes of sexual assault are also explored in the Hanky After Dark B plot.) Charlotte kicks him out and Bojack tries to mend his relationship with Todd by rescuing him from Scientologists an improv cult. Bojack then renames the Bojack Horseman Orphanage (funded by his horsin around money) in honour of Herb. The Jogging Baboon tells him, ‘Every day it gets easier. But you gotta do it everyday. That’s the hard part. But it gets easier.’ Despite his inappropriate bender with Penny, Bojack ends the season with small efforts to become a better person, through action rather than superficial notions of “deep down” or self help.

In s3, Boj spends the season promoting a movie he wasn’t actually in. During the award winning silent episode which makes the most use out of the series’ drowning metaphor (water as depression; swimming as the acceptance of accountability and the small daily acts that connect you with people and make life bearable), Bojack’s failed attempt to reconcile with Kelsey for getting her fired leads him instead into rescuing a baby seahorse separated from their father. Boj, however still has not found a sense of meaning in his life as he admits to Jill Pill that he wants to make work that “connects with people” and “lasts” and hopes that an Oscar win will afford him the legacy he craves. Bojack further sabotages his relationship with Todd when he sleeps w Todd’s high school sweetheart, Emily (notably after he’s sabotaged then saved a lesbian wedding). Shenanigans lead him to reminisce with Princess Carolyn, admitting that he loves her but ultimately refusing to be her client. Bojack loses his Oscar then spirals back into yet another season finale depressive episode, once more with Sarah Lynn. After Sarah Lynn dies, Bojack goes along with Ethan’s idea of a spinoff of Horsin Around but eventually leaves, scared he’ll recreate his destructive tendencies with (and possibly kill) his child actor co-star. After Todd burns their bridge, Boj is aimlessly driving his Tesla at suicidal speeds until he notices a group of horses racing in the desert, moved by the authenticity of what Secretariat merely imitates.

Season 4 has Bojack try to reconcile his mother’s trauma with the abuse she made him suffer all while Beatrice isn’t lucid enough to be cognitively present. Hollyhock, as his potential daughter, is symbolically aligned with Penny and Sarah Lynn: young women who faced the consequences of Bojack’s toxicity. This season’s twist, however, introduces the idea that Bojack is a part of a cycle of abuse. Hollyhock is his sister, conceived bc of his father’s affair with the maid. Her abandonment at birth isn’t Bojacks’s fault but rather Butterscotch’s infidelity and Beatrice’s obsession with class and appearances (which is admittedly a v pragmatic move in her point of view). Beatrice’s trauma w food disorder explains her abusive behaviour towards Hollyhock who herself becomes traumatised and physically ill from the diet pills Beatrice hid in Holly’s smoothies. Bojack finds hope in Hollyhock who stands as evidence that his legacy of trauma and abuse isn’t inherent, Hollyhock, however has to deal with the trauma of being secretly drugged.

Season five more explicitly explores themes of sexual abuse, previously only briefly touched upon with Penny and Hank’s characters. Bojack stars as a jaded street smart detective, an uncanny charicature of his own personality. This season has Bojack try in earnest to be sober. In Free Churro, another award winning experimental episode, Bojack nihilistically reflects on his relationship with his mother. With her death, all of his abusers will have gone to the other side, leaving him with the responsibility of continuing or abolishing the abuse cycle. When Boj develops an addiction to painkillers, he spirals down an addiction hole that compromises his relationship w co-star Gina and even his relationship to reality. Bojack physically assaults her onset. Gina decides not to go public to further her career. Diane discovers Bojack’s history with Penny and writes it into the story of Bojack’s show before confronting him about it directly at the premiere. Bojack admits to Diane that he feels victimised by the guilt his abuse causes him, signaling that Boj is still in denial and unable to accept the consequences of his actions. (“Fun” fact Boj hints at what he did to Sharona in this scene) Bojack later consfesses to Diane that he thinks he’s a bad person while Diane accuses him of using black and white morality to avoid his own sense of responsibility because there’s “no such thing as bad people” only “bad actions”. Diane decides that Bojack is a bad influence for her, Bojack admits he doesn’t know how to take responsibility for himself and Diane drives him to rehab.

TL ; DR

Season one was about accepting the dissonance between your self perception and your actions.

Season two asserts that trying to escape from yourself or finding purpose in superficial goals that aren’t oriented toward connection w others is futile. Meaning comes from bridging the gap through small acts of (empathetic) honesty and kindness, as The Jogging Baboon advises.

In season three, Boj tries but is not ultimately able to come to terms with the people he’s hurt, namely Sarah Lynn and Penny. The guilt consumes him and he copes once more through escapism and self-destruction until an epiphany in the form of running horses makes him realise what his life might look like if he was honest with himself.

Season four explores Bojack’s actions in the context of his childhood trauma as well as the trauma of his own abusers: his mother. His sister represents a fallacy in his fatalistic notion that all Horseman dna is toxic and offers him hope.

Season five however comes with the confession that Bojack doesn’t know how to properly take responsibility for his actions, as a celebrity he’s never truly held accountable and is enabled to continue to indulge in escapism and denial. This season marks the worst thing that he’s ever done on screen: choke his co-star. Second to that is how he enabled Sarah Lynn’s addiction, slept w her, and neglected her as her father figure. Finally Bojack tried to sleep with his crush’s seventeen year old daughter after getting her drunk at her own prom. All of which are brought up again in season five but almost never mentioned in season six (Part 1) outside the very beginning and very end. Diane takes Bojack to rehab as his first step toward true self-awareness.

Part Two: here

[hermitknut]

for the meta ask: 8 and 20?

8.  Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

I’m not sure! I read very widely, so while I always like to read the same kind of things as a I write, I’m not limited to that specifically. There are many things I like to read that I have no interest in writing.

20.  Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

Ahhhhhh I will take this opportunity to yell about chapter titles for The Stairs Beneath the Heart, even though I can’t talk about all of them yet (all of them are decided, but as not all the chapters are written they are subject to change). I love the picking out of titles and chapter titles, finding just the right words to label something with. Sometimes it’s better kept simple, and sometimes I can’t get it right (Lines of Silver and Gold has been renamed oh, three times? and I’m still not happy with it), but with the chapter titles for Stairs I’ve been trying to get most of them to have double meanings or little undercurrents, reflecting the fact that the fic itself is about the underside of the imperial household - there’s a meaning you don’t see, something hidden underneath. 

My favourite one is probably ‘For Want of a Maza’ because it refers to the proverb/poem about small things that impact momentous things later on - and in the chapter we see the roots of one of the most dramatic incidents in canon. But it sounds, on the surface, that it just means the chapter is about needing a maza, which it also is. 

I also like ‘Knowledge in the Dark’, because it’s literal (people are knowing things at night-time) and also a reference to the metaphorical “in the dark” - one of these people is desperately researching knowledge because he feels that he is under-educated and therefore in the dark about a lot of things.

There are more coming up in that fic, too, and I hope I can get all of them to work well :D

Thank you for asking!! this was fun! <3

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, REY! You’ve been accepted for the role of LAMPRIUS. Admin Julie: when I was writing Lucien there was a part of me desperate to see how his desire to revenge could culminate in a greater way, and Rey, you nailed it to a T. Reading this application word-for-word, piece-by-piece, really showed me just how much you understand Lucien and who he is in the ways that matter. From his profession, to his general attitude towards life, to how he uses his own name as a mask and the lengths he’ll go to ensure that mask stays in place? Ugh, just, like, kill me now. It was a wonderful read, and with the plots you’ve provided, I cannot wait for you to absolutely wreak havoc with him on the dashboard. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER IN CHARACTER

Alias | Rey

Age | 25+

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | I am able to log in at least once a day! On a scale of 1 to 10, I would say 7. 

Timezone | PST

How did you find the rp?  | Current player referral! 

Current/Past RP Accounts | https://revoluticn.tumblr.com/

IN CHARACTER

Character | Lamprius - or Lucien. 

These days, you have your husband’s last name, Ivarsson but it’s hard to remember what your family name was before that. Or more like, you have willfully forgotten it. You aren’t of a bloodline or a people, but of a city - and that is Verona. Your pain created you, the streets molded you, and the Witches defined you. This city is as much you as you are it. When you think of yourself, you first think not of the name your mother gave you (Lucien) but the name you were given and have subsequently chosen: Lamprius. Everyday when you wake up , you have the opportunity to mold yourself into whatever this city needs you to be in order to keep the balance; you have the opportunity to rename yourself and recreate yourself, and every day you wake up and you choose Lamprius. The soothsayer. There’s power in the truth and you know it’s what this city needs more than anything else. 

What drew you to this character? | 

Revenge, a dish best served cold, also happens to be my favorite meal. Time and time again I find myself drawn to characters that are driven or motivated by revenge. Over the course of his skeleton, Lamprius’s personal journey with his revenge goes through its own metamorphosis and I’ve fallen in love with that journey. 

After the unjust death of his father, it is Lamprius’ drive for revenge that causes the Witches to notice him and deem him worthy enough to recruit. But Lamprius stands out from your average vendetta-boi because he is a character that must quell the impulse to act on his personal vendettas for the sake of the greater good (which, in this case, means for the sake of the city.) Unlike other literary characters that have similar motivators, ones who will eventually transcend their need for revenge or be consumed by it, Lamprius learns to live with the dissatisfaction that he’ll never really get what he really wants… and he must learn to be okay with that. The Witches have instilled in him a greater sense of purpose, they’ve given him the resources and the tools to keep Verona in line. After the passing of his mother, the three of them even give him a family. For the longest time, Lamprius is a character who attempts to rise above their own personal need for vengeance and is instead trying to focus on giving Verona what it needs: balance. He finds acceptance in that. 

And then the Witches die. 

Suddenly, that taste for vegengence he’s held at arm's length for so long becomes the very way he is going to protect the Witches' legacy.  Suddenly, Lamprius feels justified in his want to burn the Montagues and the Capulets from the inside out. Now, in Lamprius’ eyes, purging the city of the Montagues and Capulets is the best way to bring back that balance to the city. I think of him like Adrian Veidt from Watchmen, willing to go to absurd extremes for the sake of humanity. 

Lamprius’ history with the Witches has really piqued my interest as well. His connection to them reminds me so much of Arya Stark’s “a girl has no name” arc from Game of Thrones (the tv show. I’ll admit, I could never get past GRRM’s writing to finish the books.) In many ways it doesn’t matter who Lamprius was before he was with the Witches, because a big part of his story is the erasure of his old self and the ascension into something new thanks to their tutelage. Who are the Witches then? An enigma, even in their death (perhaps more so in their death.) Lamprius’ connection to this clandestine trio feels like it is fraught with opportunity to create some really interesting lore that draws from other secret societies or underground networks of spies that have a code of morals or a higher goal. 

Even in his day to day interactions, Lamprius feels like such a fun character to write. He’s cunning and quiet and he becomes a pillar of Verona’s community maybe because of his perceived kindness - or maybe because he is a very good puppeteer. His quiet and kind persona is a wonderful mask for something far more layered underneath. As seen with his connection to Loretta, he has the ability to get people to trust him, hence his unending list of contacts. It’s too easy to call Lamprius ‘good’ because of his quiet nature, peel back his skin and you will see he is one of the rare characters that is a true neutral. He has a greater loyalty to the city as a whole than any specific group of people. Lamprius has the ability to be as dark as he is light, as viscous as he is soft. I imagine him a chameleon, not necessarily one with malicious intent, simply one who can weaponize their empathy. Over the years, the Witches have taught him plenty, including how to see through the eyes of many. Lamprius is the soothsayer who doesn’t shy away from deceit; he understands one’s lies can reveal greater truths about themselves. Rarely does one get to play characters that are truly this fluid. 

I’m really excited to explore where Lamprius goes from here and I’ve outlined some of my thoughts on it below: 

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | 

I. “SOME RISE BY SIN, AND SOME BY VIRTUE FALL.” 

You are a Witch and, like all the Witches that came before you, Verona is your city to watch over. For years Hecate, Circe, and Medea placated your need for revenge by reaffirming a higher call. They gave you family when you needed it most. They not only gave you the tools for a better city, but they gave you purpose and hope as well. Verona is a city torn up by war, your life has been altered by it first hand, and in you they saw a chance to take that pain and shape it into a force for good. 

And then the Witches, in all their goodness, were strung up by the very city they were trying to save. 

It has set you on a single-minded path of revenge. Your teachers are dead and you are a student who, for the first time, must decide on their own. And your decision is this: the gangs of this city will rot Verona from the inside out if you don’t do something. You are a Witch and Verona is your city to watch over. For the first time, there is no one to stop you from stepping onto this single-minded path. 

[ Revenge. Lamprius is actively looking to bring about the end of the Capulets and the Montagues. He plans on doing this through  finding and aligning himself with people who have also been wronged by this war. It takes one to know one, and Lamprius can tell when someone has the same steady heart for vengeance as him. He intends to harness other’s need for revenge to fuel this movement. He’s already shown Harley a card from his hand and he thinks Loretta has what it takes to be a player. Armand, however, might be a mistake….but only time will tell. While his skeleton particularly calls out how he sees this in Harley, Loretta, and Armand, I imagine this could be a broader plot too as he interacts with as many citizens of Verona as he can. At the end of the day, anyone who thinks the way he thinks, who believes what he believes, is welcome to help… though Lamprius is not foolish enough to think that all alliances come without price. Not only would I love to see Lamprius rack up alliances, I would love to see him rack up promises and debts associated with those alliances.] 

II. “GOD HAS GIVEN YOU ONE FACE, AND YOU MAKE YOURSELF ANOTHER.” 

You were always skilled at slipping into people’s lives without putting on too much of a show. They’d blink and suddenly you’d be there, as certain and unwavering as the truth, as integral to their livelihood as the foundation of any home. You can physically only be in one place at one time, but the Witches taught you how to transcend your limitations by using the eyes and ears of others. 

Trust is earned and you earn it through careful orchestration. You play coincidence like a symphony. A broken in-apartment, and you are the one there to help the scared tenant. An ailing mother, and you are the visitor whose own mother is dying in the hospital room next door. “I know where you’re coming from, believe me,” are words that have left your mouth so many times, they may as well be the air that fills your lungs. 

You are a therapist as your day job; respected as a doctor, trusted as a friend. People burden you with their innermost truths and you play whatever part they need you to be in order to make them feel like you’ve fixed them. There’s never a dry eye on your office couch by the end of a session and all of these people, some who have only known you for a grand total of one hour, think of you as their closest confidante. As well as they know, they are the same to you. A small suggestion here, a gentle prod there, and suddenly they are set off on a new path of your own devices. You’re both a ghost and a shadow, simultaneously ever present and constantly shifting. Your empathy is fluid, just like the rest of you.

You find yourself setting up a chessboard, as you seek out allies in all these people that you meet. You know the importance of a long game -your patience is unparalleled- but you are not afraid to knock a piece off the board if you must. You are the Soothsayer who gets to the truth of things through lies. 

[ One of my favorite implications of the skeleton is that Lamprius is a puppeteer. He creates these Rube Goldbergian schemes that utilize the natural way of the city to bring about an allyship with someone. He is the butterfly that flaps its wings and creates a tornado, and nothing is ever a coincidence. I really want to lean into this with his plots. As mentioned, his friendship with Loretta Delluci shows that he’s not beneath orchestrating an introduction. But, as also seen in the case of Loretta, it’s clear that if Lamprius sees this whole thing as a game of chess, there are some people that are pieces while there are others that are players. He’s too good to let this perspective slip past his lips uncensored, but even if it did, his job as a therapist is an easy explanation for his tendency to psychoanalyze. Are there moments when he borderline feels like Hannibal Lector from the show Hannibal? Absolutely. I’d love him to actually be the therapist for some of the other characters and I would like every new person he “meets'' to never be a coincidence. Or, when a true coincidence occurs, I want it to genuinely surprise him. One of Lamprius’ traits is that he has a lot of resources and while a lot of those are inherited from the Witches, he’s obtained plenty from the connections he forms as well.

Also: Ya boi’s a therapist. Verona really needs therapy. ]

III. “BY THE PRICKING OF MY THUMBS, SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES” 

You’ve seen what it’s like to be a God to men who don’t even believe in higher powers. There are men in Verona who refuse to pray at a pew, but still think twice before speaking ill of a Witch. This is the way things should be - but it doesn't take long for men to see themselves as God-Killers. 

How do they not see how they’ve damned their city! The Witches, in all their mystery, were not esoteric about their love for Verona. Yes, your time with them has instilled a great need to avenge them, but it has similarly inspired a need to see them reborn stronger than ever. 

Verona needs a new set of Witches. It’s a truth that you, Lamprius the Soothsayer, cannot deny. 

[ Time to form a new coven! As Lamprius goes about enacting his revenge, I also want him to seek out other truly neutral characters in the hopes of creating a new set of Witches to watch over Verona. I would love to set it up like a secret society - Verona’s very own Illuminati. A clandestine organization that has the same intentions of Watchman's Ozymandias. Lamprius would be just as vigorous as Hecate, Circe, and Medea to make sure he chose right. I am also eager to see what changes to the Witches’ creed comes with this new version.] 

IV. “VENGEANCE IS IN MY HEART, DEATH IN MY HAND, BLOOD AND REVENGE ARE HAMMERING IN MY HEAD.”

Everyday you try to become something a little more than human. There’s a merciless level of selflessness that comes with avenging the Witches and each day you work hard to climb up to that pedestal. 

But then there’s Ronan - he doesn’t know the name Lamprius. He calls you Lucien and when he does, you almost want it to be your only name. He grounds you with his gravity and makes you feel a warmth in your cheeks. You have been living with your pain for years, so long that you have stopped noticing it. In fact, you’ve stopped noticing your heart existed in your chest at all. Instead, you’ve learned how to empty yourself out. You invent emotion, you choose how to feel. Your heart has become a machine, through which you feed a very precise and particular code. But then he calls you Lucien and your heart gives a single, mighty beat, and it’s all flesh and blood again. 

[ Reestablishing the Witches? Destroying the Montagues and the Capulets? These are lofty goals that may require nothing short of a God to accomplish - and as much as he likes to pretend otherwise, Lamprius is just a man. I don’t want his path to his goals to be easy, and for a man who loves to carefully orchestrate everything, I’m always looking for wrenches to throw in his plans. Give me people like Ronan who inspire doubt in himself, or give me people who catch on to what he’s doing and are outright trying to stop him. ] 

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes!

IN DEPTH

What is your favorite place in Verona? | 

(An acquaintance.) 

He knows his answer, but like most things he tries to see if he can find the answer she most wants to hear. It can feel like a game at times, and for Lamprius it can be just as fun. But there’s a method to this madness. He gives her a warm look over the edge of his champagne glass and manages to elegantly swipe another for her from a passing tray. Around them, the crowd of the gala mills about like smoke. 

She’s religious if he remembers overhearing her other conversation correctly. Catholic, but lapsed. Yes, that’s it. Even at this Christmas party, she’s mentioned it two too many times to be something she isn’t agonizing over and he can see the guilt of it in her eyes. His true answer is far from the one he gives her: 

“The Cathedral. My mother and I used to walk through it together every Christmas morning. Before sunrise, before the crowds got there. We could hear our steps echo through the chamber. When the sunrise hit the paintings on the ceiling, I thought it was magic.”

There it is, he sees her eyes widen with recognition of herself in his story. 

“I used to go there every year with my mother too.” 

His warm grin widens. I know, he thinks, but he raises his glass in an informal toast. “Well how about that?” 

What does your typical day look like?  | 

(A friend.) 

Lucien is in the midst of rolling up the sleeves to his sweater, when he gets asked what his typical day looks like. He raises an eyebrow at the question posed by his friend. Maybe it’s a trick of the light, but it almost looks as if the corners of his lips are quirked up in the slightest smile. 

“Don’t tell me our conversation has gotten so boring that you’re now asking about my day to day. I know I’m quiet, but I thought I was doing better than that.”

His words tease. Besides, they don’t even know what they’re asking. His day to days are simply veneer. Wake up, go to work, show face at an event. All of it clockwork. It’s his nights that show the true him, that’s when he descends into the shadows of the city and plays its people like a harp. 

“Is this your way of avoiding my question about how your day went? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” 

What has been your biggest mistake thus far? | 

(A patient.) 

He sits in his office, full attention on the young man in the seat across from him. It’s his last appointment for the day, or rather, his last appointment was two hours ago, but Lamprius is holding himself  to the decision that this will be the last one. He’s in his element here, and the air settles calm around him. Outside evening blankets the city. “Would you like some tea?” He asks. 

To which his patient blurts out “What has been your biggest mistake thus far?” unofficially starting the session. Lamprius examines the other down the length of his nose and realizes that they’re still having the conversation they had during the last time they met. 

Lamprius doesn’t think Asher would very much understand his biggest mistake thus far. Inaction. He closes his eyes and imagines the swinging bodies of those that meant so much to him; he feels the weight of that loss for the city as a whole, it sits in his chest and in his throat and on his shoulders. His body betrays him in the slightest as he pushes his pen down into the notepad. An ink bleed spreads from where he’s stabbed it with such force. 

But Lamprius opens his eyes immediately, the pause is as quick as a blink, and the therapist knows what he has to say to his patient. 

“I didn’t say goodbye to my mother when I had the chance.” 

He didn’t, but that’s another kind of hurt entirely, from a different lifetime. Lamprius taps his pen and then leans back into his seat; allowing his eyes to wander up to the ceiling in a show of vulnerability before saying: 

“All we have to do is decide what to do with the time given to us.” 

He offers up a small smile, like a faintest ray of sunlight filtering through a window. His gaze turns back on his patient. 

“Thanks, Gandalf, “ Asher mutters, but Lamprius clocks the way he relaxes his shoulders, the way he settles into his seat and allows himself to seem small and fragile in it. He sees this and knows he’s doing his job. Lamprius gives him a moment before softly clearing his throat. 

“How about we begin with you telling me about your day, Asher. Did you visit the hospital?” 

What has been the most difficult task asked of you?  | 

(His husband.) 

He’s by the kitchen table that Saturday morning when the question is asked of him. His neck is crooked at a certain angle, as his left hand props open the pages to the Epic of Gilgamesh. His right hand is equally occupied preparing a piece of toast - though right now he’s paused mid-motion, butter knife hovering over the butter. Lamprius unintentionally does this a few times - gets close enough to butter his toast, and then stops to flip the page. His husband’s question cracks the stillness of the air; the suddenness of it spilling like yolk. It almost makes Lamprius grip the butter knife like a proper knife. He is oh so rarely met with genuine surprise but his husband’s question holds a level of intimacy the two haven’t shared in years. For a second Lamprius’ mask almost slips and it’s good he has the words of Gilgamesh to hide behind. 

 He feels a tug that he was almost certain was forgotten. For a moment he is truly Lucien.

Finally, like an alligator emerging from the water, he peeks up over the top of his book so only his eyes show. He contemplates his words. Measures and cuts them so that they are a perfect fit. He doesn’t ask why Ronan is asking him such things on this halcyon Saturday morning, he simply answers. 

“Knowing there wasn’t anything I could do for my mother, “ His biological one, but also the three that came to raise him, “but watch the clock run out of time.” 

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?  | 

(A stranger.) 

They must be the only two people in the city that still read a physical print newspaper. Lamprius likes the feel of the pages; likes how easily it can become a barrier between him and the rest of the world. He visits this stand often, it’s the perfect distance between where he parks his car and the front door of his office. 

The man next to him, the one in the long dark coat, is a familiar face. It’s a judge, from the local courthouse. This makes sense seeing as they’re only a few blocks away from the building. Lamprius wouldn’t call him a regular of this newspaper stand. On this morning, the stranger points to the latest headline. Another fight has broken out in the city and Lamprius feels immediate abhorrence - but what he despises even more is how this judge has the audacity to ask ‘What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?’ The question sets off a blizzard in Lamprius, though he doesn’t show it. His lips threaten to curl back into a snarl. ‘How do you, a man of the law, know their names and still not know where you stand on the matter?’ Lamprius thinks coldly. 

He looks at this man and decides he doesn’t deserve the conversation. Some will always be willfully blind. If he’s a judge in this city and he still doesn’t know how he feels about this war, it isn’t Lamprius’ job to impart that caring onto him. He folds his newly purchased newspaper into a neat rectangle and tucks it under his arm before looking at the man, nothing but the perfect imitation of curiosity and confusion shining in his eye:

“What war?”

Extras: 

“In nature’s infinite book of secrecy, a little I can read.” - Lamprius, the Soothsayer 

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[imagitory]

Review: The Lion King (2019) [spoilers]

NAAAAAANTS IGONYAMA BAGITI BABA -- !

Ahem. So...I just got back from seeing the new Lion King remake, and I guess it’s time to talk about it. For those of you who wish to avoid spoilers... *exhales heavily* how do I say this kindly, um -- you don’t need to go see this. Like, really, you don’t. Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but you would miss absolutely nothing watching the original instead of this one, and honestly, I think it’s fair to say you’ll have much more fun watching the original too. As much as I haven’t loved Disney’s line of recent remakes, I at least found something in most of the films I saw that I could praise, but with this one? I don’t recall ever being so utterly bored sitting in a movie theater in my life.

If you would like a more detailed opinion, here’s a cut!

The Good!

+For once, Disney decided to hire a cast full of singers that don’t require autotune, including Donald Glover, Billy Eichner, and of course Beyonce, as well as quite a few lovely people in the chorus like Brown Lidiwe Mkhize (who sang The Circle of Life). Even some of the performers with weaker singing voices like John Oliver were able to hold their own well enough.

+The voice acting overall wasn’t bad. I’ll have to leave it at that, though, since this is supposed to be the positive section.

+The Circle of Life and Can You Feel the Love Tonight? were well-performed, though I will be getting to other issues I had with them later.

+Zazu was actually given a bit more pathos rather than just exclusively being comic relief. He not only tries to protect Nala and Simba from the hyenas, but he also rushes to go get the lionesses when Simba’s in trouble, makes a distraction for Nala so she doesn’t get caught by Scar, and even helps a little more in the final battle. I won’t act like he was an improvement on the orginal exactly, as the best compromise would’ve been to have him be both funny and supportive, but at least there was an attempt to give him some depth.

+As much as I’ll critique the animation further down, I will give the animators credit for its realism. A lot of hard work was obviously put in, and it shows.

The Not-So-Good...

+The number one problem with this movie is, as I feared, the animation. I can respect that this is my opinion and many others might find some charm in how “real” everything looks, but I’m sorry -- musicals =/= realistic . Musicals are supposed to be over-the-top. They are supposed to be theatrical. Hell, even the Broadway production of The Lion King understood that to tell this story without animated lions, you had to treat it like a folktale. The story was never about lions -- it was a human story told with lions. The ideas of family -- responsibility -- duty -- leadership -- grief -- hope -- these are human values. The Lion King was inspired by Shakespeare’s Hamlet. It also has ripples of the Moses story, given that it revolves around someone running away from their home and responsibility, only to realize their true calling and go back to save their people. And you know something? I am positive that the filmmakers knew full well how ridiculous these National-Geographic-esque animated creatures would look suddenly bursting into song -- that’s why they tried at every single opportunity to depict the musical sequences in wide, impersonal shots that barely correspond to the rhythm or mood of the song at all. Unless it’s The Circle of Life, which is literally a shot-for-shot recreation of the original sequence accompanied by a song sung by none of the characters on screen, the only way that these supposedly “realistic” creatures could communicate energy or emotion during the song sequences was by running and climbing things. And in the end, it just looks lazy and dull. There’s no energy in either the shots or the editing. Hakuna Matata and I Just Can’t Wait to Be King suffer the most because of this, as those songs were so dependent on bright colors, spontaneity, and enthusiasm, but none of the songs are done justice with this animation.

+Another issue with the animation is in the characters themselves. As realistic as it looks in the textures of the fur and the way the animals move, it is utterly lifeless in practice. I swear to God, there are points where these animals looked stuffed, they’re so blank and hollow. You know those live action movies, like Cats and Dogs, where they would have real dogs and cats play the characters and then just “fix” their mouths with post-production CGI to make it look like they’re talking, even if their eyes and faces still end up looking so blank that it never looks like they’re saying what’s coming out of their mouths? THAT’S THE ENTIRE MOVIE. It didn’t matter how good the voice acting was, because it was invalidated by the lack of expression of the characters who were supposedly saying the lines. The only character in this movie who seemed to have any emotion in his eyes was Scar, and that was because his animated model was apparently given permission to narrow his eyes more, presumably to look more “eeeeeviiiiiiil~.” Even the hyenas were just given hollow black eyes that only ever looked alien and inhuman most of the time (clearly to remind you that they’re the bad guys) -- there were no emotions other than “mwehehehe we’re gonna eat you” on their faces the entire movie. But yeah, think of all the really emotional scenes in this movie. Think of Mufasa seeing Simba hanging on that tree -- the fear in his face as Simba almost loses his grip on the branch -- the pain and fear in Simba’s expression when Mufasa puts him up on a small ledge, only to get yanked backward by the wildebeest and disappear from view -- the struggle in Mufasa’s body language as he tries to climb up the edge of the gorge -- the betrayal and horror in Mufasa’s expression when Scar reveals his true colors -- the desperation, disbelief, horror, and grief in Simba’s face when he finds his father and screams at the open air for help. ...Yeah. Now imagine all of those scenes being acted out by EMOTIONLESS PUPPETS. That’s even what Mufasa looks like when he’s thrown backwards off the cliff -- a puppet. A scene that has left people in tears almost made me snort with laughter because of how bad it looked!

+The animation’s realism also, as others pointed out when the trailers first came out, made it very difficult to pick out individual characters. When Nala grew up, there wasn’t even a way to tell that she was the youngest of the lionesses -- they all looked like clones of each other. There’s a bit where one of the hyenas (I guess he’s supposed to be Banzai, but I guess he’s been renamed something else?) confuses Scar for Mufasa at a distance and I almost burst out laughing because it was like the movie characters themselves even realized how identical all of the lions look. Simba’s face “turning into Mufasa’s” in the water had no emotional impact at all because you could barely tell that anything had just happened.

+Geezus, and I thought that Beauty and the Beast took too many ideas from the original? Oh boy. This movie took so much from the original, it was like the filmmakers copied something they found on the Internet for a school assignment and then added and switched around a couple of lines just so they wouldn’t be accused of plagiarism. There were quite a few points while watching this where I was going, “Oooookay, and this is where Simba sees a lizard. ...Yup, there it is. He’s gonna try to roar twice. ...Yup, and...yup. And on the third try, he’s going to roar loud enough for it to echo, and we’ll cut to the top of the gorge. ...Called it. And wildebeest in three, two, one...” Now, of course, knowing what’s going to happen shouldn’t reduce suspense -- if anything, when something suspenseful is done well, it doesn’t matter if you know what happens, because now you’re excited to see those things happen. But in this? How could I be excited when they recycled almost every joke, almost every shot, almost every scene, only with half the energy and sincerity? Even Beauty and the Beast tried to throw in some twists now and again, even if I didn’t end up liking most of them...the only things I can think of in regards to “changes” were some extra scenes that didn’t add much of anything, such as Scar leaning even more into his “Claudius” role and trying to court Simba’s mother Sarabi. Oh, and on that note...

+...The original movie was about an hour and a half long. This one was two hours. You want to know how they stretched that run-time out? Largely by adding in extended nature sequences. Perhaps if you really like the “realistic” animation, you might enjoy the gratuity of it, but some of them just got ridiculous. Remember how in the original, Scar caught a mouse and kind of taunted it? Now we get almost a whole minute just watching the mouse running around and doing nothing before Scar even shows up. Remember how we got a short, smooth transition from Pride Rock to Rafiki’s tree with a rainfall and soothing music? Have one that’s twice as long and is devoid of any of the epic, solemn atmosphere. Remember how we got a cute little giggle when Timon and Pumbaa sang The Lion Sleeps Tonight, only for it to get interrupted by Nala’s arrival? Now that song is treated like a full musical number with lots of danc -- sorry, walking around aimlessly, because it’d be stupid if animals actually danced or something. Remember how Simba collapses into some leaves, which sets loose some dust which in a ten-second-long cut scene is blown through the wind into Rafiki’s hand? Now it lasts almost two whole minutes and involves a tuft of Simba’s fur landing in a river, being picked up by a bird, becoming stuffing in a nest, being tossed out of the nest, being accidentally eaten by a giraffe, being shat out by that giraffe, being picked up by a dung beetle -- OH, COME ON. NOW YOU’RE JUST SEARCHING FOR EXCUSES TO DRAG THIS MOVIE OUT.

+I love James Earl Jones, but he should not have reprised his role as Mufasa. I’m sorry, but the man is 88 years old now, and he just sounded so tired. He didn’t show even half of the energy and enthusiasm he had playing the part the first time. If he was Simba’s grandfather, that’d be one thing, but he’s not. Half of what makes Mufasa’s death so tragic is how alive and young he seemed and how close his bond was with his friends Rafiki and Zazu and his family Simba and Sarabi, but thanks to Jones’s low-key performance and the lack of emotion in Mufasa’s animation, all of that is lost.

+Just like with Jafar in the recent Aladdin remake, this movie tries to give Scar some depth, but the halfhearted attempt only serves to take away what made Scar a great villain in the first place -- namely, his dry wit, ruthlessness, talent for manipulation, dynamic attitude, arrogance, immaturity, and most of all passion. Combine this not-deliciously-evil-but-definitely-not-sympathetic characterization with such bland animation that neither conveys energy or intrigue, and we’re once again left with a very forgettable, uninteresting villain. Come on, Disney, you used to be so good at writing villains -- just because you’re trying to make a more “realistic” story doesn’t mean your villain can’t crack a smile every-so-often, geezus!

+If Sarabi was chasing off hyenas with the lionesses, how in the world did she and the lionesses get back to Pride Rock fast enough for them to be lounging around when Simba came to get Nala? Scar and Simba’s interaction isn’t nearly long enough to encompass Sarabi finishing up with the hyenas and returning home. This is a problem that comes from how much this remake copies from the original -- because it wants so many scenes to play out identically to the original, it gives any subtle line changes the writers do make the potential to create plot holes.

+Oh yeah, and the joke of Simba pouncing on Zazu really doesn’t work if we see Simba getting ready the entire time and Zazu makes it easy for Simba by spinning around in circles looking at nothing. One would think Zazu was trying to let Simba pounce on him.

+There’s no kind way to put this -- Timon and Pumbaa were just flat-out INSUFFERABLE in this. Not only were their deliveries of lines from the original movie pretty awful, but they also added in a bunch of new, often fourth-wall-breaking jokes that just made me hide my face in my hands and groan. In Hakuna Matata in particular, they act offended by Simba not being more excited when they first say the phrase, ruin the joke of Pumbaa farting by having him say it and Pumbaa then being upset that Timon didn’t interrupt him, AND give Simba a hard time for continuing the song until it fades out by saying that Simba’s “gained 400 pounds” since they started it! This isn’t even touching on how TERRIBLE Seth Rogen was as Pumbaa while singing -- like, I know that’s supposed to be part of the joke, but Ernie Sabella was “a bad singer” by being over-the-top, not by being off-pitch and painful to listen to! Not to mention that Sabella packed so much more characterization into his line deliveries -- the chasm of quality between Sabella and Rogen’s performances all the more highlighted to me the difference between an actor and a voice actor. You can’t just get away with speaking your lines in an ordinary voice when you’re voice acting -- you need to emote solely with your voice, as your face is not doing any of the work, and with animation this emotionless and bland, one really needed to have given 120% in their voice work for it to be even passable. (And honestly, none of the actors stood out well performance-wise...not that they should have to singlehandedly bear the burden of depicting their characters’ emotions just with their voices: this is an animated movie, not a radio drama!) As if breaking the fourth wall for no reason, telling bad jokes, and singing poorly wasn’t enough, Timon and Pumbaa also come across as infinitely more selfish and mean-spirited. They say they’re outcasts, and yet there’s a whole friggin’ community of animals in their jungle home. Simba actually hears Timon and Pumbaa selfishly decide to “keep him” because having a creature bigger than them around might help them out. Timon flat-out tells Simba to only look after himself and no one else. Whereas in the original film, Timon and Pumbaa almost raise Simba like adopted parents, having fun with him and genuinely showing concern for him -- here, Timon and Pumbaa act more like a pair of frat boys who adopted the “new kid” in college and induct him into their friend circle, even though, yeah, Simba first meets them as a cub and they’re already adults. Rather than just laugh at the thought of “royal dead guys watching them” for a quick moment, they openly roar with laughter at Simba, dragging it out even when it’s very clear Simba is hurt by their amusement and not even bothering to apologize. At least in the original, Simba acted like it was funny and then left abruptly, but here? Simba never laughed or showed any amusement, so it came across as Timon and Pumbaa bullying him. Oh yeah, and speaking of bullying, remember how there was that one-off pop culture reference where Pumbaa gets mad at being called a pig? Now that’s been replaced with Pumbaa saying he doesn’t like bullies -- seems like that would’ve been a lovely thing to set up earlier, maybe to give that line some emotional pay-off, but nope! There’s no joke AND there’s no point. But you want to know what made me hate these two beyond reason in this movie? You want to know what finally pushed me over the edge? They broke the fourth wall beyond repair by -- rather than randomly putting on a hula skirt and dancing goofily, because of course we’re a SERIOUS animated movie, one that’s so REAL -- singing Be Our Guest from Beauty and the Beast, French accent and all. ...Excuse me for a minute. *buries her face into a pillow and screams in rage*

+By the way, those other animals who live in the jungle Timon and Pumbaa are from and therefore invalidate their assertion of being “outcasts”? Completely pointless. They don’t even come with Timon and Pumbaa and fight for the Pridelands! You could have cut them completely and lost nothing.

+As much as Hakuna Matata was the most irritating of the numbers, I Just Can’t Wait to Be King and especially Be Prepared were just pathetic. I Just Can’t Wait to Be King largely suffered, again, due to the “realism” of the animation, but the slow editing and even the vocals slowed the whole sequence down and sucked out any energy or excitement from the piece. I’ll give credit to Nala and Simba’s voice actors for their vocal quality, but there was still none of the spontaneity and recklessness in their voices that the song requires, so it just came across as Disney karaoke, rather than anything professional. But Be Prepared was easily the worst of the lot. It would be a challenge to try to evoke the level of dread and demented thrill you get from the original song sequence, but here, the filmmakers didn’t even try. Not only do we only get part of the song, but Scar’s voice actor Chitwetel Ejiofor barely sings a word of it and brings none of the dynamic, power-hungry, conniving, almost hypnotic mania that’s supposed to define Scar in that moment. He’s mostly just shouting like an old man yelling at a kid to get off his lawn -- there’s no attempt at persuasion or temptation in his voice at all. And just like in most of the other musical numbers, the only way Scar’s character model can emote during his song is to climb on things. Even in songs that were performed well, there were notable problems. The Circle of Life was basically animated on autopilot, replicating every single shot without taking any time to show any genuine emotion anywhere, whether when Zazu and Rafiki greeted Mufasa or when Simba sneezed away the dust in his face...and Can You Feel the Love Tonight? Haha, yeah, right -- more like “Can You Feel the Love in the Mid-Afternoon”! It was absolutely comical, hearing them sing “tonight” when the entire sequence was done in daylight!

+I’ve always liked The Lion King, but...wow, after seeing this remake and how much they tried to lean into the “hyenas as outsiders” idea in this, I have to acknowledge that there are some uncomfortable elements to this story. In the original, we solely focus on Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed with other hyenas in the background, so them being outside the Pridelands could just be seen as the case of a few bad apples, rather than it being an indictment on an entire group. But here, in this version, Shenzi is depicted more seriously as the leader of all the hyenas and it’s established that the war between lions and hyenas has gone on for a long time. Basically this movie turns Shenzi into Zira from The Lion King 2...and yeah, that makes it so that the hyenas -- as the outsiders -- should theoretically be slightly sympathetic, right? You know, to show that it’s wrong to cast others out because they look or act different from you? Nope! Nope, they’re all just evil! They’re manifestations of greed and hunger with no potential for redemption whatsoever. They’re not like our good, pale-colored lionesses who all look the same -- they’re dirty, and conniving, and they seek to creep out of the shadows and leech on everything the lions hold dear. I could very, very easily see how some vile, disgusting people could embrace such a narrative in this current climate, seeing themselves in the lions trying to “take their land back” from the shadowy, evil hoard of creatures who have come from outside to tear down their way of life. I can’t act like this adaptation added something that wasn’t at all in the original movie, as, let’s be honest, it plagiarized most of it...but perhaps because of how they reused this story and in some cases leaned into some elements of that story, this remake has very, very bad timing in when it was released. Those elements of the story probably wouldn’t have been read into it back in the 90′s, given the relative stability of the political landscape, but now? Now I could see how people could read it that way. It’d be like trying to make a movie like Independence Day, where national monuments get blown up, right after 9/11.

Looking back on what I just saw, I’m still absolutely stunned. Never before have I felt like my time has been more wasted than when I decided to sit down and watch this movie. I’ve tried to find shreds of praise, but whenever I try, it feels like I’m grasping at straws, only to fall back into a big pool of “blah.” I have never been so bored by a movie in my life -- and if there’s anything Disney, and especially Disney musicals, should never be, it’s boring. I would still say Maleficent makes me the most angry of Disney’s recent remakes, considering that that one openly insulted the original it was based off and this one is just clearly so up the original’s ass that it’s obnoxious...but this one was easily the biggest disappointment. I went in with almost no expectations, and yet still came out disappointed in the result. That, I think, says a lot. I could see someone who simply wants to see some cute animals and ride a bit on the nostalgia train enjoying this...but forgive me, but that bar is way too low. Disney is capable of doing so much better -- the true Lion King, the 1994 classic that broke records and surpassed all audience expectation, is more than enough evidence of that.

Overall Grade: D-

[greyias]

OC Asks 3. How did you choose their name?

Also asked by @captainderyn​

Hahahahaha… okay, the short answer?: I’m an idiot. I didn’t realize I was going to love this game or this character as much as I did.

The long answer, well, I’ve alluded to it once or twice in the past, but I guess I should actually delve into it for real. But under a cut, because it’s probably going to get long.

I’m not sure if this should come with any kind of warning, but it’s kind of long and does delve into some personal stuff. So hopefully that doesn’t bother anyone!

Okay, so, when I first heard about this game in 2011, I had been out of fandom for several years, and had played a few MMOs here and there, but never really got into them for very long, mostly because I got bored very quickly with how repetitive they were. And then I read about this supposedly story and character-driven MMO, and I was intrigued. I was talking to my sister-in-law at the time about it, and ultimately realized I’d never be able to play because I didn’t have a PC capable of running it, and I was heavily into debt because of medical issues, to the point where I was having a difficult time affording my car payment, mortgage, and groceries.

So then Christmas rolls around, and my family has just about finished all of the presents when my brother and his wife go and bring in a special gift they’d been working on for several months: a frankensteined gaming PC that had one game installed on it, with several months of a subscription pre-paid: Star Wars the Old Republic

Needless to say, I was kind of bawling because no one had ever done something that nice to me before. And like? It’s kind of hard to describe what that previous year had been like without having a long, long side story but… it was difficult. It kind of sounds melodramatic to say it was hellish, but looking back on it? It kind of was. I was barely doing anything besides surviving, much less having fun. And here my sister-in-law had actually listened to a one-off conversation about how I was interested in this game but probably would never be able to play it, and like… took it upon herself to make that happen.

So of course the first thing I do is hook up my brand FrankenPC, load up the only game on it, and create a character! But it’s a MMO – and even though it’s billed on being story and character-based, I kind of don’t really believe it? Or at least don’t think my character is going to matter. So I do what I did with every other MMO, I used my online nickname to make a character (Greyias) so my friends can recognize me if they’re in-game, create a character that vaguely looks like me, and get to adventuring! 

The last name came when they rolled out legacies, and hey, I used “Highwind” for my short-lived Pirates of the Caribbean MMO toon. It’s also the last name for one of the main characters in my abandoned steampunk novel series, but that’s another story for another time.

(And then after about three days of learning the mechancis, re-roll said character on a different server, because OOPS! That wasn’t the server my brother and sister-in-law had started their guild on. She looked a little less like me this time. Probably should have changed the name, but I just wanted to see how the story turned out and eventually quest with my fam)

I realized my mistake around Coruscant when Kira joined up as a companion and I went “…uh oh.”

Because I’ve started to recognize I get a certain feeling when I like something, really like something to the point when I get… ideas. Story ideas. Character conversations and wondering “what if”. Of course, this is still in the open beta period, the game hasn’t even launched yet, there’s still long queues to log in and the grind is real, and I just want to see where this story is going and what Darth Angral is going to do, and why is this character so damn sincere and genuine and I don’t like characters that are the literal embodiment of sunshine, I like snarky snarksters and–oh. No I actually do like the Sunshine Jedi. A lot.

Now, a few of you may be like “I really don’t see what the problem is” – this is kind of an old school thing, and something that seems to have thankfully gotten a lot of pushback in the time since I had left fandom and the time since I rejoined it, and that is: The Dreaded Mary Sue

From about the time I had started writing fic when I was in my early teens and onwards it had been drilled into my head that Mary Sues were a bad thing. And self-inserts were worse. Especially if they were *gasp* FEMALE CHARACTERS. (We can’t have those girls having characters they identify with now, can we?) And like, those very relevant discussions aside, I was kind of… ashamed? That I had made a self-insert without realizing it? Despite the fact that like, the character that resulted from my playthrough was very much not me. Like, a significantly different person.

But I was starting to get story ideas and snatches of character bits, and like, I hadn’t written in so long, I hadn’t been inspired in so long. And honestly I just loved this little do-gooder goober, in all of her naive, happy-go-lucky glory. As well as her red-headed sidekick and this amazing dynamic that I had only really seen depicted between male characters previously. And so I promised myself if I got a story idea, I’d write it out and… just change Grey’s name to something else. So no one would know my secret crime, and I would be free, freeeee to scribble in the margins of canon.

It was a great plan, except, I had been playing with subtitles for the game on, so every time Grey would speak, her name would appear above it. And wouldn’t you know? I associated that name with that face, and well, I didn’t get that story idea yet, so it was. Fine I tell you. FINE.

I kept playing the game. In fact, I played the game a lot in the middle part of 2012, because wouldn’t you know? I had another round of medical issues that put me on short term disability and I actually had to retrain my body to sit in a chair for long periods of time (look, it’s a really long story, and this post is long enough as it is). So let’s just say… I got really attached to my little Sunshine Jedi who could go out and save the galaxy when I could barely walk a hundred feet.

And continued to play it off and on over the following years, until finally, finally the devs removed the grind wall in preparation for KotFE, and I was able to finish the Jedi Knight storyline and see where her story ended up. Then I played the next expansion on Makeb. Which was fun. Then I made the mistake that we all know I was eventually going to make: I played Shadow of Revan.

And met Theron fucking Shan. And my perfect little Jedi suddenly fell in love and oh crap. I’m escaping out of cutscenes to rewatch them. Like rewatching them an absurd amount of times. And as I’m going to sleep I’m like, getting entire bits of narration and brand new scenes and fic ideas in my head, and oh god. It finally happened. I try and resist the pull, but I play up through KotFE and I have no more story to stall any more. And the snippets just keep lulling me to sleep every night and… okay.

I probably need to rename this character now. Like, there’s an actual ability to do that in-game so I should get to it. Chop chop.

Nothing works. Nothing at all works. This should not be that hard, she can have any name, no one will know. Why can’t I think of a different name? I go to every single name site known to man, and none of them are her. Besides the fact, that’s her name, and I’m starting to feel kind of guilty for taking it away from her. Poor girl has been through so much in canon and now I’m taking away her name? What kind of monster am I? Okay, fine. I roll up a different Knight during the Dark vs Light event, gave that one an actual name that was not my online writer name just to see if I could trick my brain into writing about them.

Nope.

Maybe I’ll change my online name? “Let her keep the name Grey and I can just have a different name and…” – at this point I’m starting to realize I might be getting slightly neurotic over this whole thing.

Completely annoyed with myself for spending nearly a year trying to come up with a new name I’m starting to get desperate, thinking up ways to maybe just… write around it and not let people know her name until they maybe fall in love with her and hopefully just forget how it’s weird. That can work right? Okay, whatever at least I’m writing and it’s shutting these two up, and it’s all going good for several stories in and then suddenly I get to a scene that has more than one female character and I’m like “Shit… the jig is up.”

Meanwhile, I’ve started up a Dragon Age Origins playthrough, and like a dumbass, DO THE EXACT SAME THING with a female Cousland, and start whining to poor @for-the-flail on Twitter, on my fainting couch about how I can never write this character’s name because I named her after myself, and, bless her heart, she’s just like: “…um. Why?”

And I’m like “Because… we share a name… and that’s weird for people…?”

She goes “It’s not that weird. Why don’t you just write your stories? People will like them or not.”

And sheepishly, I realized she was right, and stopped being so diligent about hiding poor Grey’s name, and eventually, because you are all such lovely and encouraging people, eventually embraced it. (Come to think of it, I never did wind up writing about poor Cousland!Grey. Oops.)

So! That’s the long and ramble story of how she got her name and why it never changed despite my best efforts.

In summary: I’m an idiot 🤷‍♀️ but I think you guys love me anyway?