#and this year i’m not at work because i don’t have a job because i quit 🤡
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He shrugs. Everyone dies sometime. On the other hand, knowing that doesn’t make it easier to go through. “I’m not going to die. I was being a smartass. I have to take care of my sisters, so it’s not really an option.” Sort of. His sisters are old enough to take care of themselves, but he checks in on them. He tries to be there. He hopes they’d tell him if they had problems they couldn’t handle.
Ichigo snorts too and tosses Shiro a glance. “Maybe someday I’ll write a book, when I’m too old to run around doing people’s dirty work for them.” If he makes it that long. But he smirks. “You need to help people understand you now. Forget in three hundred years.” Shiro is so different from everyone else Ichigo knows. But he’s also a lot like Ichigo in just enough ways Ichigo can’t help but be drawn to him. Ichigo shakes his head, amused.
He chuckles when Shiro calls him a shit, but it’s more air than sound. “Yeah.” He can agree with that. “It’s good for you. You don’t need a bunch of guys saying yes all the time.”
“That’s not a fair question. There are too many answers. No, I don’t think you should go, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want you there. I want to know you’re safe.” He’s used to working with people. He doesn’t do every job alone and he’s flexible. But he absolutely was told to do this job discreetly. Taking Shiro isn’t discreet. Ichigo wouldn’t even worry about meeting his buyer’s expectations if doing this job for his dad’s sake wasn’t such a priority. “Since you’re asking what I think, I think you should find a safe house to lay low and run things from there until you find enough loyal guys to watch your back.” He sighs. “And before you say it, I know you won’t trust them. But you can pay them enough to make it worth their while to keep you alive.” He frowns. “Because I’m not trying to mess up what you have going on. He might be a plant or be in with everyone else trying to kill you, but he might not.” And Ichigo is going to be gone sooner or later. It’d be nice to know Shiro had someone that cared— assuming Shiro’s cop isn’t into backstabbing. Even if this asshole is fine with Shiro using whatever he’s using. Which kind of pisses Ichigo off. “What does he think about all your habits?”
It’s not until he’s getting in the car that he realizes how tame it is. He glances around, taking in the leather and feeling like maybe Shiro picked someone else’s car. “So… this is mild.”
He's expecting Ichigo to turn this into a You're Not Going To Die conversation, but instead it circles into maybe Ichigo dying instead. It drops a stone into his guts. Maybe he shouldn't be allowing Ichigo to get himself involved. Maybe he should be trying harder to push Ichigo away, so he stays out of it, out of harm. On the other side of things; Ichigo's very profession puts him in danger and if Shiro's not selfishly taking up his time now he might not get to later if Ichigo gets himself killed. "You better not." He doesn't even know what he'd do, but it wouldn't be good.
He snorts at the mild offense Ichigo takes at his description of Ichigo's day job. "No, you're right, that is pretty cool. You gonna write a book, then? So in three hundred years some stranger you can't comprehend right now can perceive you? Maybe I need to write a book." He's not going to write a book. That's way too much sitting still for his brain to tolerate. His brows go up a little bit. "Yes I have been and I have no regrets and no intentions of stopping now."
The fact Ichigo wants to go shopping with him at all is a little surprising, but not because he seriously thinks Ichigo judges his fashion sense. Just more the spending time together thing. It's been startling easy to fall into a comfortable companionship again. And sure, they're side stepping and ignoring some really big things, but the company is still easy. "I knew that. You're just being a shit." He's not great at tolerating that.
His attention corners when he feels like Ichigo's looking at him. He shrugs a noncommittal shoulder. "I get it. This isn't the best place to be right now anyway." It's too hard to defend, too hard to properly monitor and barricade. He's not dumb. "Do you actually want me going on that job?" He made a bit of a fuss about it, but he doesn't need invited out of pity. He can entertain himself. He's just scared that if they part now, it'll be the last time they see each other. He shakes his head. "No, I wouldn't. Why do you seem like you're trying to push for that? I would'a said that's what I wanted if that's what I wanted. I have no trouble speakin' my mind."
For a second, while he watches Ichigo look over his car, he wonders what they'll do if it's rigged. Call in Ichigo's team, he supposes. But Ichigo slides out from under the SUV and gives him the go ahead. He turns to a lockbox on the wall and punches in a code, then pulls the keys off a hook and closes the box again. He uses the remove to unlock it as he walks toward the vehicle.
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hotch smiling? never. ೨ৎ a. hotchner x reader
𐙚˚ aaron hotchner x fem!reader. fluff. 0.6k words.
✦ aaron has always been the definition of serious. even among the most stoic in the fbi, he’s known for his unwavering dedication to the job, rarely showing emotion or letting his guard down. he’s a leader, and leaders can’t afford to be distracted by the lighter things in life. smiling, laughing, those were luxuries, not necessities.
that’s why it was so strange when he met you.
it started out like any other case. you were brought in as a liaison for a local investigation, your expertise needed to help the bau crack a difficult profile. hotch appreciated your work ethic right away, how focused and meticulous you were, just like him. but there was something else, something he hadn’t noticed in a long time. the way you carried yourself, the lightheartedness you brought to the job, even when the weight of the cases was unbearable.
at first, he tried to keep his distance. he always did. it was easier that way. but somehow, without meaning to, you broke through.
one afternoon, while the team was poring over crime scene photos and victim profiles, you cracked a subtle joke about the chaos of the case files. it wasn’t even that funny, but it was enough to make spencer smile, which wasn’t an unusual sight. what was unusual was that hotch, sitting across from you, didn’t just smile, he chuckled. the room went silent for a beat, everyone’s heads snapping in his direction, including yours.
you looked at him, eyes wide with surprise. "did i... just make you laugh?"
hotch cleared his throat, instantly returning to his serious demeanor, but the damage was done. his face had softened in a way that none of them had seen in years.
"let’s get back to the case," he said, but you could see the faint trace of a smirk lingering at the corner of his mouth.
after that, things started to shift between you. whenever the stress of the job became overwhelming, you had a way of lightening the mood, just enough to remind him that there was life outside of the darkness they faced every day. he didn’t laugh often, old habits die hard, but he started to smile more around you. little things—your quick wit, your subtle gestures of support—made him feel something he hadn’t allowed himself to in a long time: happiness.
one night, after a long and particularly grueling case, the team was ready to collapse. everyone was exhausted, but you caught hotch’s eye and gave him a small, tired smile. "hey, we got through it. you don’t always have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, you know."
he gave a slight nod, but his eyes softened in a way that felt more intimate than any words could express. "i’ve gotten used to it."
"but you don’t have to do it alone," you replied, your voice gentle.
for the first time in years, aaron hotchner let himself feel vulnerable, even if just for a moment. "i’m starting to realize that."
there, in the quiet of the bullpen, it was just the two of you. no case, no tragedy, just an unspoken connection. and for the first time in a long time, hotch smiled. not a fleeting, half hearted one, but a real, genuine smile, just for you.
and from that moment on, everyone noticed. he was still serious, still focused, but there was a new lightness in his step when you were around, a subtle shift that made him more human, more open.
because you’d done something no one else had managed: you’d given him a reason to smile again.
#wallowslistener#fluff#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#cm#criminal minds x reader#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner fanfiction#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner imagine#aaron hotchner x oc#aaron hotchner cm
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I’m also a first generation Canadian and always remember being taught even in elementary school in the early 2000’s that Canada’s population will always be dependent on immigrants because of our lower birth rate. But my parents came here in the 1980’s and while they definitely struggled for some time with a disabling work accident that led to several years of unemployment, they were still able to buy a small home in a mid size city. They came here as uneducated workers so doing physical/low wage work. I really don’t think they’d have gotten as far as they did if they moved here in more modern times.
I think people have always been sold the idea that they can come to Canada/US with just the clothes on their backs and work hard and “make it.” I think the types of immigrants similar to my parents (people who come here without a degree they can directly transfer into a middle class job) have always been victims of a system but I think it’s just worse now because there seems to be so many way they can get scammed. I’ve read on CBC about temporary foreign worker jobs being “sold” online. There also appear to be a lot of non-reputable colleges (“diploma mill”) catering to international students as a route to PR (which the government of Canada itself has long advocated that coming here as an international student IS an excellent route to PR). Worse than coming here with nothing, they’re being scammed tens of thousands of dollars to come here. I wish they were seen as victims rather than the cause.
Life is just so hard here, unless you are a refugee or asylum seeker, moving here just doesn’t seem worth it. That’s my opinion, but emigration is at all time highs as well which to me suggests that a lot of people have given up on living here.
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Thermodynamics and Turmoil (Curly x Reader pt.2)
Hi friends -- I'm putting out the second installment to this quickly to gain some more momentum! Thank you for all of the support so far - I wasn't sure how well this was going to do but I hope you've been enjoying it. If you have any questions about the story so far, pls ask! I love interacting :)
engineer! reader x Curly TW: vulgar language, mention of thermo transfer theories (EWWWW), and catching feelings (ew pt.2), oh, and the existential dread of unsatisfaction that ambition can bring to your life, leaving you hungry and wanting more Word count ~ 2.0k
“Daisuke, come back here! I’m going to kill you right now!!” A flash of pink passed Curly before halting to a quick stop to hide right behind him.
“Captain, please save me! Aaaah!” Daisuke screamed as he caught sight of (Y/N), who just came around the bend of the hallway hunting him down.
“What’s going on here?” Curly asked, observing (Y/N’s) disheveled appearance. Her jumpsuit was zipped halfway up to her torso and her hair still looked disheveled from sleep.
She slowed down to a stop, now embarrassed that she had been caught in such a state by the captain before replying, “This… one over here had the genius idea to turn off my alarm and I slept in three extra hours. Could you please hand him over so I could maim him?” She peered to the side of Curly to narrow her eyes at Daisuke, who let out a shriek and made himself smaller behind the man in front of him.
“Oh? I had asked him to do that, actually,” he mused.
“Pardon me?” she straightened.
“You looked so exhausted yesterday, you deserve a few extra hours of rest after giving yourself no breaks. He was just following Captain’s orders.”
“Oh… I see. Uhm, thank you. I guess you’re off the hook then, Dai. Has Swansea got you working on anything right now or do you want to come shadow me? I have to take a look at the pressure in the steam pipes.” she asked the intern.
“Yes! Let’s go. I wanna hear about what you were up to all of yesterday. Swansea and I like, didn’t see you at all. Will you let me help out today?” He came out from behind Curly and started walking ahead of (Y/N), eager to please and for something to do.
“Heh, sure. See you around, Captain.” she said a bit sheepishly, trailing behind Daisuke. After a good night’s rest and the initial panic of waking up late, the interaction with Curly finally sunk in for (Y/N). She typically kept her emotions so detached from the crew and her work and it almost horrified her how easily it was for her to open up to him last night in a moment of vulnerability. As much as it made her uncomfortable to realize that she had run her mouth and ranted to him, she woke up with a feeling of relief. Sure, her job was still going to be hard, but knowing that her captain believed in her and was willing to help in any way he could gave her a sense of peace.
She stopped by some pipes in the corner of the hallway and turned to Daisuke. “Okay, let’s get to work.”
After a few hours of working and (Y/N) explaining Nusselt theory with Daisuke half listening, she finally called for a break.
“Nerd,” he teased as he stuck his tongue out at her. “How did you even come to like any of this stuff anyway?” They leaned on the wall, sitting on the floor together.
“I don’t know. To be honest, I never really knew what I wanted to do in my undergrad. I just picked chemical engineering because it was kinda interesting but hard and so rewarding when I understood it. Getting my PhD in it after working for a few years just seemed like a natural next step.” She turned to Daisuke. “I know you’re in college now, and everyone is probably asking you the same thing and you’re sick of hearing it but what do you want to do?”
“Hmm, I don’t know,” he started. “I think everyone around me has these expectations that I’ll do something great, and I’m so scared of disappointing them. They say the sky’s the limit and that’s what scares me. I could do anything with my life, so how do I know that whatever I choose won’t be the wrong path?”
“I don’t believe in such a thing as a wrong path,” she responded. “Whatever you choose, you make the best of it and try your hardest. Everything happens for a reason.”
Under his breath, Daisuke laughed. “Man, maybe Anya should hand over the wellbeing check-ins to you. You’re like, so philosophical.”
“Oh God, no. I could never be held responsible for people like that. I’d go mad.” She stood up, dusting off her pants and held a hand to him. “I think we’re pretty much done for the day, believe it or not. Wanna go play some Uno?”
Spending the rest of the day relaxing after the past few days of struggling was refreshing and just what she needed. That night she finally joined the rest of the crew for supper, laughing with Anya about something too far away for Curly to hear. Their little family was complete tonight and it was moments like these that Curly savored. He wished that every moment on the Tulpar could be like this.
A few days later, Curly was exiting the cockpit and was startled to nearly trip over (Y/N). “I’m so sorry, Captain. I had no idea you were in there.” She looked up from her mess of manuals, a notebook, and trusty abacus, a pencil tucked behind her ear.
“It’s alright. Are you alright?” He asked.
“Yes, just looking at our fuel today and trying to make the Tulpar cooperate with me.” She furrowed her brows.
“Need a hand with anything?” He offered, crouching down to look at the paper in her hands.
“O-Oh, only if you aren’t busy, then yes, I would love some help, actually. But I don’t want to be a burden.”
He shook his head. “Nonsense. The ship’s on autopilot right now and Jimmy will take over for me in fifteen minutes anyway so I’m all yours.”
“Okay,” she flushed. “Thank you, come with me please.” She led him a few paces away. “See this? If you could read me some of the values over here that would be great. This here is the manometer, it measures pressure and over here is the oxidizer. There are a few things I need you to read aloud to me.”
After getting all the information she needed, she bid Curly goodbye and looked around for a place for her to do her calculations. Settling for the couch in the lounge, she got to work when Daisuke plopped down right next to her.
“Hey, (Y/N),” he started.
“ ‘Sup?” She asked, distracted.
“Fuck, marry, kill: anyone on this ship.” His lips spread into a shit-eating grin.
“Fuck Curly, marry Anya, kill Jim– wait a minute, what??” She looked up from her notebook.
Daisuke’s eyes lit up before his face twisted into an expression of evil delight. “Ohohohoo yooo (Y/N) you wanna fuck the captain?”
“No!! Stop that!! You asked me that while I was distracted and not really paying attention. That’s not true.” She swatted at him.
“Sure, but that doesn’t change your answer now, does it? Damn, you answered that shit with no hesitation too!” He shrugged his eyebrows. “Since when did you have the hots for the captain?”
“Sure, I find him really attractive, okay? I admit it. It’s not that big of a deal. Okay then, what about you?” She crossed her arms, face flushed and flustered.
Daisuke’s face contorted to one of disgust. “Eww nah I can’t do this! Swansea and Jimmy are just-” he made dry heaving sounds. “You and Anya are like my older sisters, so that’s absolutely not happening. And Curly – okay I agree with you on that one but like, he’s so much older.” he shrugged.
She let out a ‘harrumph’ before going back to her work. “Doesn’t Swansea have something for you to do, huh?”
Daisuke shook his head. “I’m just waiting ‘til dinner.” He kept her company on the couch as she worked, playing on his gameboy and trying his best to stay quiet so she could concentrate. Supper was a quiet affair today, with not everyone showing up to eat at the same time. People came and went, in and out of the lounge, eventually going to bed. (Y/N) was still up, now in loose pajama pants and a sweatshirt, criss-crossed on the couch and reading a book in the light of the night time screen. Anya had already gone to bed and so she sat in the lounge so as to not disturb her sleep.
“Hey,” said the captain. “Mind if I join you there?” She smiled up at him before patting a spot next to her on the sofa, inviting him to sit with her. She noticed that he was still in uniform as he sat down, draping an arm over the couch and facing her.
“You weren’t there at dinner today, did you have a chance to eat?” She asked.
“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Anya brought Jimmy and me dinner. We’re heading straight for a belt of asteroids so we had to do a bit of charting and manual steering to make sure we don’t crash. We should be fine and taken care of now,” he massaged his temples with a hand.
“You look pretty tired, Captain. If you were busy today, you know you didn’t need to help me out, right? Take care of your obligations first.” She looked up at him and the blue glow of the large screen somehow seemed to soften the look in his blue eyes. Dammit, Daisuke, she thought. Admitting the captain was handsome out loud only made her more aware of it. Even with bags under his eyes and the rugged state of his beard, she couldn’t help but blush under his gaze, so she turned to look at the fake moon on the screen.
“No, I enjoyed helping out today. Ever since you opened up to me, I want to make sure that you have the support that you need. It’s my responsibility, after all.” He followed her gaze to look at the display screen as well.
“Don’t you ever get burnt out juggling all of this? It’s a lot to pile onto just one person, and the company makes it even worse by making things accessible only through you. And in the end, you’re the one who’s responsible for our performance on this trip.” She turned back to him now, concerned.
“Sometimes, I guess. I started here on a pretty low rung of the ladder, but I always dreamed of doing something greater. The higher and higher I climbed, the more complicated things got, more liabilities were piled on, but I couldn’t help but keep climbing. There’s still something missing from my life, and even if I get to the top, I’m not quite sure if I’ll ever be satisfied.”
(Y/N) paused for a moment to think. “Would you ever leave this line of work to pursue something completely new, even if it meant having to start over from the beginning?”
“Yeah, I think so. I mean, I’ve done it once before, so it isn’t that intimidating to have to do it again.”
She nodded. “That’s very admirable. In a sense, it seems like you know what direction you know you want to go in, even if what you want isn’t clear. I respect you a lot for that, Captain.”
Curly shook his head. “Please, I think we all in one way or another are trying our best out here. We all have responsibilities we have to take care of by being on this ship.” He glanced at her again. “And honestly, you know you can call me Curly, right? Jimmy does it, my friends back on Earth called me that too. At this point we’ve gotten pretty vulnerable with each other over the past few days.”
“Okay, C-urly. Maybe not on duty, but right now it doesn’t sound too bad.” (Y/N) was praying that the glow from the screen concealed her hot and flushed face. After these past few days of getting to know the captain a bit better, it was so easy for feelings to snowball. Brushing the fluttery feeling she had aside, she stood up. “I think I’m going to head to bed now. I hope you’ll do the same, Curly. Thank you for being vulnerable with me.”
After he heard the door shut quietly, he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, giving the display screen one last look before getting up and going to bed himself.
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Thanks for reading! Give me a few days and I'll be back. Cheers!
#mouthwashing#mouthwashing x reader#daisuke mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#curly x reader#anya mouthwashing
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sometimes i get so upset thinking what if hotch wants to come back cuz like jack’s in college and he’s home all the time, he’d need something to do?? and the fact that the writers still didn’t use this one excuse to bring him back to emily is just… ugh.
a few comments here and there about his life while he was gone, laughing with old friends who are still friends no matter what, teasing him cuz he tries to call his son and gets constantly ignored with the “dad, please, i’m busy”. then jj’s like, oh yeah, i get it, teenagers gonna be teenagers, and emily’s kinda feeling left out? but it’s cool. it’s just that time’s passing and she doesn’t have that for herself, which is strange, since she always thought she would. but then again, time sucks, this job takes so much, and yeah, maybe it’s too late.
no kids, nope, well, she’s busy. really busy. this thought keeps looping in her head, and a few situations end up making her rethink it, over and over—did i do this on purpose? did i avoid making any decisions that could’ve taken me down that path because, deep down, i felt like i didn’t deserve it?
hotch finds her in her office, asks if she’s okay because she seems so distracted all the time. of course, she doesn’t say anything, she’s not big on venting, but she does ask him if he ever thought about what it’d be like if they’d made it differently all those years ago.
he’s… confused at first, mostly because he’s not sure if this is her way of allowing them to talk about all the stuff they never said, couldn’t say, or were too scared to. so he asks, what do you mean? emily’s tired of dancing around it, they’re older now, more mature, there’s not much left to lose, so she just says, “you knew how i felt about you. that’s fine. i know how you felt about me.” hotch gives her a small smile, and she gets it. she really gets it. “i can’t believe i even considered going with you. like, a part of me really wanted to, so badly. i talked to you about work every day, told you things you didn’t even want to hear, didn’t care. and i kept hoping, hoping that one day you’d ask me to, or even just… i don’t know, say you missed me. my god, i would’ve dropped everything, run off into witness protection. with you. with jack.”
“emily.” hotch looks genuinely surprised, and maybe it’s because she’s holding back tears. “you had all these things here, things you built for yourself. look at you now.”
“right,” she mutters, waving it off with a comment about their previous case, because why get into that now? it’s a waste of time.
aaand…
they kiss for the first time on new year’s, in their natural habitat—at work, of course. everyone but emily is ready to party, but at midnight, hotch brings her a glass of champagne while she’s scribbling reports. she looks up and says, “are you guys going out? i’m gonna have to pass this time, i’m so busy,”
and he laughs because, “you sound like me ten years ago,” while gently coaxing her out of her chair. she tries not to freak out, laughing nervously, rolling her neck to release the tension from hours of sitting and staring at fine print. hotch brushes her hair back, studying her face, and she lets out a deep sigh, touching her tongue to the corner of her mouth. “a little nervous?” he asks, a smile tugging at his lips. “still the same tell, huh? some things never change.”
“i really can’t go with you guys,” she insists, eying his lips, almost on the edge of feeling butterflies for the first time in over a decade.
“heard you the first time. so i’ll be your first new year’s kiss, and then i’ll get out of your hair.” okay, butterflies all the way down to her toes. she barely nods, just a slight movement, before he leans in and kisses her. it’s the best kiss she’s ever had, hands down. my god, she can’t stop thinking about it.
he literally left her to do her job and went out partying with the others. he’s learned to live more than she has over these years, and honestly, it’s not bad. it’s not terrible. it’s nice.
their relationship grows through little moments scattered throughout the season—tender touches, good morning kisses, emily jumping out of bed late, the looks they share. they talk about the moments they’ve lived, the times they wanted to say something and didn’t, or do something and held back. “do you remember that time we…?”
the first time emily faces any life-threatening situation, hotch’s immediate reaction when he sees her getting her cheek stitched up is: “that was really brave of you to do.”
“hotch,” she winces, frowning through the pain as the stitch hurts. “really?”
“okay, what, are you out of your mind? didn’t you wait for backup?”
“that’s much better, thank you. and, no, it’d be too late.”
“almost died,” he crosses his arms, and emily is doing everything she can not to bite her nails. “i’m gonna need you to marry me. is that okay with you?”
and emily’s like, “what?”
“you heard me right. i want you, and i want to do this, all of it. you’ve always wanted kids, and you’ve been thinking about it, don’t lie to me, and it’s not too late. and we’re gonna do it, you and i. there’s surrogacy, adoption… we can—”
yeahh…. so.
gimme gimme.
bye.
#hotchniss#emily prentiss#aaron hotchner#criminal minds#cm#paget brewster#thomas gibson#hotch#agent prentiss#criminal minds evolution#ao3fic
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Bit ooc but I have a question. How you do go about planing out your PLA comic? Like how do you actually turn your ideas/ storyline into comic form? Is it chapter to chapter or do you have the whole idea already planned out? Trying to find my own way in comic making so I’m just wondering if you could give any advice. Feel free to ignore if you don’t feel comfortable answering
So, at first this was al i could think to send.
because its incredibly accurate to my process.
Jokes aside, a lot of how i work is back and forth chaos, fighting with ideas until im happy with them. I will start with a list (usually not written down because im unhinged and keep a ot of it in my brain) and organise it in a way that makes sense to the situation, in this case workign with a game with an established plot...not that its a very strong one.
with a set of ideas, and a game to work around i will ramble and rant to a few choice people who i bounce well off, and also stare into space for hours on end building the ideas. This process can be days, it can be years. For context, i have some notes from 2019 about things i wanted to include that are still relevant. I have been scheming how to break and rebuild this OC for ages. Theres no correct time frame, so long as you simply do the work.
Once i have a fairly loose plan, i start to solidify the benning and the end. What is required to make a character compelling, what makes them believable, what makes them human in a way that we recognise. this isnt always a positive thing, people like to call characters who do bad things problematic, but its human nature to make mistakes and be damaged or difficult, the process of the story is not always rainbows and sunshine. For me, this hits even harder, as im trying to tell a story from the perspective of someone fundamentally broken, so showing those breaks and cracks has to be done wisely.
This is the point where i make notes about things that need to change from the start to the end. And ill say one thing, this story in particular, I have not solidly planned the middle. I am allowing space for me to come up with new ideas at points. Being locked into a dead set of ideas can be quite limiting, and as creators we consume and process things constantly to generate new stories. Id be a fool to make a plan and stick to it. everything i do is vague guidelines.
However, I know exactly how the story ends in Hisui, and where it goes to from there. And i think me personally knowing the end goal makes it easier to plot steps towards that, and some of those steps are anything but progressive.
If nothing else, the end was the only thing i saw clearly, and it has only become more complex and loaded and emotional as the rest of this has fallen into place. If you can see the goal, you can work out how to get there with time.
Regarding the chapters, i tend to draft plan up like 3-4 of them at a time, and then go in order to sketch out one after the other, so i have plenty of time to change things while i adjust. its constantly a process of seeing what you make, seeing issues, and scrapping whole parts just to redraw something better or new, unique even. I dont think a single page ive posted has resembled the very VERY first draft thumbnail ive made, and thats just how i do. Every panel, how big they are, the angle you hand the viewer, the way you light things, the expressions, this all dictates SO SO much.
Taking time over it is kind of the job, and let me stress, this is normally a job done by a team, especially the highly popular comics. one inks, one colours, one shades, one handles text, one edits, theres so many people behind it, so dont be bothered by the pace at which things are made if youre working alone like i am. One person means longer production times, if you can, spread the workload out, but its not required. Its why i always say it doesnt matter how long it takes to make, so long as youre still making.
I think its also worth noting, comics are consumed quickly, the bakcgournds and small details can be lost in the ace of the storytelling, pick and choosing your battles is wise, save your time on panels where you want the reader to shift along quicker, keep that pace high, and add in more detail and depth to panels you want to champion or get the viewers to hang around on more. its ok to let go of a "perfect" image in favour of getting content out, if youre being driven nuts by it. Again, time be damned, be happy with it. And if you can let go of petty details, id suggest doing it when possible, so long as it doesnt effect the storytelling.
I mean what else can i even say. This work is a passion project, I love it, more than i can even put into words, and i think you kind of have to, to make comics without monetary motivation. sure you can get lucky and find ways to make it big, but for most of us, its the love of the story. So maybe try not to be your biggest hater, its easy to slip into the behaviour, so try be gentle on yourself and the process. I should take that advice myself haha! but i really do mean it. This is HARD work, so be kind to yourself over it.
anyway, with a rough idea, a bunch of sketches, and time, they get inked and fussed over, i make a billion changes to layout and story, and eventually posting can happen but not after fighting with the monster that is creating. Idk what else i can say. This is not work for the feint of heart, but anyone can learn to do it.
Good luck, comic artists can always use it!
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DnD classes and alignment Jack and Joker
Thanks to a tag by @solarpirates calling Jack out as an Oathbreaker Paladin a few weeks ago, I have been working on this alignment chart along with some classes for this adventure BL.
Jack - Oathbreaker Paladin (formerly Devotion and Redemption respectively)- Lawful Good
Currently, in his space as an Oathbreaker he’s operating on an evil thread but it’s not who he is overall. In fact, Jack started the show as an Oath of Devotion Paladin - fighting as a knight in shining armor, wanting to protect and uplift his people. He was forced to break this oath the first time he joined Boss. However, under that first track, he found a new path, Oath of Redemption, believing anyone could be saved given the right tools and forgiveness and this became how he operated under Boss for years, working in counter to Boss’s evil in the ways he could.
He does believe in rule and order and general kindness. His want is to improve life for the people around him, whether they’re his or not.
Hoy - Beast-master Ranger - Neutral Good
His favored terrain is urban and his beast of choice is a car. He rolled a nat one survival check for finding the right bathroom in the dark…which is why he has his current job. Hoy operates both in the bounds of order (lawful) and occasionally outside of it (chaotic) but does believe in altruism and kindness in his core.
Ama - Neutral Good
I don’t know what Ama’s class was. Sometimes she gives monk. But grandma is neither lawful or chaotic but somewhere in between. But she’s good. She does everything for the betterment of the people around her, including her Joke.
Joke - Mastermind Rogue - Chaotic Good
His alignment feels out of place with his class, but that’s because Joke’s particular brand of roguishness is entirely grounded in his disdain of the wealthy and his own robin-hood style thievery. He falls into mastermind instead of straight thief because he uses knowledge, secrets and favors as well as his proficiency with disguise, to pull off his jobs.
He pulls out a costume in order to go try and talk his dad into taking up grandma’s surgery. The once a thief always a thief didn’t help when he had the opportunity to steal for Jack sent him right back in.
Save - Abjuration Wizard - True Neutral
Save is terrifying in many ways because he is true neutral. The thing about evil-aligned people is they are predictable in their cruelty, their disdain for others. Chaotic people are chaotic because they don’t live by order and rule, but it’s predictable that they will scorn order. Save is terrifying because as a true neutral aligned character, he can operate in any alignment as he chooses when he chooses and the reasons are entirely tied to what matters to Save and not a response to the world at large.
I’m going with abjuration wizard because his focus is protecting Hope, and the way he wrote the contracts entirely protect Boss and not the customer.
Aunt Nang - Divination Wizard - True Neutral
I had her pegged as Boss’s sister early and I am so glad I was right. She was my unknown but the last two have pushed me to the true neutral stance. She like Save is dangerous because she can operate in any alignment and often does. Sometimes she leans chaotic and sometimes she wants order, like with her temple. The plans she and Boss have and the difference in their aims to get revenge for their parents. I believe sometimes she wants to be benevolent but she was the push behind the stealing of the ring and the reason the four little pigs got away with it at all, and then immediately regretted it.
She has some visions of the future and uses her various means of fortune telling to support her aims.
Aran - College of Glamour Bard - Neutral (evil at the start but making his moves toward good)
Upon meeting Aran, our boy is selling beauty and glamour with a ruthless disdain for other people. Arab can weave a pretty picture of wealth for others to desire. He uses his power and money to abuse others to get what he wants. He works within certain order being his father’s son, but doesn’t mind a certain level of chaos.
He’s speed running the alignment chart from evil to good though and I’ve never been prouder. The way Aran stood up to his father over Hope, how he is with Tattoo when it comes to the product, and his insistence in being part of the team helping Jack. He was very excited to be part of the school and while he did try to run from seeing his father, he still joined the crew for everything.
Tattoo - Battle Smith Artificer- Chaotic Neutral
Impulsive and often operating outside of rule and order of society - the initial plans to steal, first from Joke and later from Boss was his idea, as was the impulsive decisions to take the necklace twice. Tattoo also is not religious like his mother and doesn’t fall into the concept of a world ordered by gods. His spy car is definitely his version of a Steel Defender and the shock of the bag definitely falls into the arcane jolt category. He’s not building things specifically to cause harm, but largely to mitigate the harm to the people that matter to him. A talented artificer who operates on his own code.
Hope - Way of Shadows Monk - Lawful Evil (but can be pushed neutral I believe)
Maybe it’s because we often see Hope enter from the shadows or cloaked in shadows, but he does like to use some element of surprise in his fighting. I’ve chosen monk for Hope because his fighting doesn’t by in large seem to come from rage. There’s a peace to him when he gets violent that makes him terrifying.
When operating as an extension of Boss, Hope falls into the evil end of the axis. He delights in violence. However, when it comes to Save (and to a lesser extent Aran) Hope operates from a neutral stance where his choices are related to his personal relationships.
Boss/Alice - Lesser Devil - Lawful Evil
Boss Alice is by the book and in doing so delights in the ruination of others. He works in favors and trades. Anyone who falls, well it’s their fault. He is the devil whom has made Jack break his oath and he will utilize various pawns in his games.
Rose - Neutral Evil
Rose wishes she was Neutral Good, and I think she could be true neutral if she wanted to, but she plays too much. She cosplays being altruistic but her aims are about herself, and getting what she wants. She plays within and without the rules, all to get her own aims with a level of callousness that puts her above It’s how she ruthlessly outbids Aran for the necklace and then she and Nang used the theft to purchase Jack for Rose. She actively chose to play the Golden Ladder to Heaven game knowing that Lampang very well might be playing with peoples lives because it was a better option for her personally. She sees little problem with the suffering of others and wants to celebrate her own wins.
You could be better, Rose, and you want to tell yourself that you are. But you’re not.
Lampang - Lesser Demon - Chaotic Evil
This son-of-a-bastard. Sure there are rules but they’re not predictable. They’re not orderly. They’re wherever works for Lampang in the fucking moment. He’s unconscionably cruel and delights in the suffering of everyone around him. When the rules don’t work for him, he wants to skirt them.
#jack and joker the series#jack & joker: u steal my heart!#jack and joker#jack & joker#jack and joker you steal my heart#dnd alignments#dnd alignment#nerd stuff
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It was Maid Day today yesterday a week ago so I got struck by inspiration to draw the worsties, and it ran away from me into a whole AU where they’re coworkers at a maid cafe. She’s a med student & this is just a part time job, and this is his depression job while he gets his life back together. He needs something he can be workaholic about to forget what it’s like having a personal life and personal issues. He’s actually the accountant, but the new hire janitor (Izutsumi) doesn’t show up for half her shifts and is a sloppy worker, so he gets the extra work of doing her job on top of his because he’s undervalued and overworked. Of course, janitors also have an uniform to keep the aesthetic cohesion as they go about cleaning the place, of course.
Senshi’s the part time cook you only see slivers off, he’s kind and warm when you do see him and have a chat but most shifts he’s in and out the kitchen without a trace. Laios and Falin are regulars because Falin and Marcille are besties & in the same med school, Laios accompanies Falin as she visits her friend at work and gets hooked on the food. Chilchuck has to remind Marcille to work instead of chatting with Falin for an hour, and next thing he knows she’s distracting him from work too. That’s it that’s the AU. Inspired by this idol AU fanart a bit <3
This was not meant to be birthday gift but well…… Happy bday Chil!!!
Read from left to right
#Dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#Chilchuck tims#marcille donato#spoilers#dunmeshi au#Maid cafe au#Marchil#Workwife marchil save me. Kabuholm in the background bc i said so lmao#i think people forget marci n chil are coworker worsties first and foremost. Ppl should capitalize on it more#The orange hair swag that makes him look like a marketable idol more#You can tell idk how to draw maid outfits. I hate those hats sm I will miku miku beam them out of existence#Marcille does change her hairstyle everyday btw#they don’t get back together btw she goes you haven’t talked to me in 4 years and he immediately goes YOU haven’t talked to ME in 4–#i mean ehem i’m sorry haha… while Marcille is like 4 years?! 4 years…#Mei only did it bc Fler has been getting jittery again kept sighing#I wanted to draw Chil with a car key at his belt but it wasn’t meant to be#idk if marchil ever gets together in this one it’s an eternal summer coworker with tension situationship au#romance is when you slowly deteriorate his work ethics so he starts skipping on his worktime to spend it at the front messing around w you#once he’s blessedly in the office and he hears this huge crash and the Marci just goes ‘…… Chiiiiiil?’ cue sigh and having to repair#the coffee machine. So many lil comics i couldn’t indulge myself to draw save me#shoutout to the time as a cashier in training at a convenience store I was left by my coworker who was supposed to wash the greasy chicken#oven but didn’t so I had to clean it for the first time myself while I was alone in the store and was also supposed to man the front#Shoutout to my convenience store’s accountant helping us with cashier duties often when there was less job to do ty ty#Understaffed struggles are so real#People also call Chil a manager because the boss is most often away so he just does everything#There’s no union but maybe one day he’ll get to overthrow the boss idk#The pay IS good at least#Modern au
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okay I’ve seen a lot of posts about sterling just being crowley and. guys. the implications just hear me out 😭😭😭
bending lore slightly here BUT let’s say crowley’s body was once inhabited by a human and crowley is possessing the body (maybe he kills the initial inhabitant bc he doesn’t care)
but he still has the guy’s memories. he doesn’t bother keeping up appearances with his ‘ex wife’ because he is too busy building up his hell empire. BUT for some reason he can’t quite identify, he still feels something towards his ‘daughter’. he lets the divorce happen and doesn’t feel the need (or desire) to fight for custody, but he can never quite forget her, to cast her out of his mind for good
some hijinks ensue with the leverage team. it’s mostly because even a grind culture demon wants some off time every once in a while, and for him the insurance investigator stuff is more of a hobby. interacting with the leverage crew is very low stakes for him, and honestly, quite amusing. they aren’t on his level power-wise, but that ford character gives him the mental exercise he hasn’t experienced in, well, he can’t even remember
he can feel their frustration and anger when they learn he has become employed by interpol and feeds off it. it’s great, and relaxing in a way he is never able to achieve while conducting hell-related business
one year he gets wind that olivia is in a really bad situation associated with his ‘ex wife’s’ new husband. he’s selling vital hardware to terrorists, and while that might actually be the kind of chaos he would normally support or be entertained by as the king of hell, something feels wrong about letting olivia stay anywhere near that man
he calls upon the body’s adversaries. he wouldn’t admit it, even under duress, BUT he feels slightly fond of them. nate for the three dimensional chess they play, sophie for her ability to charm and disguise, parker for her chaos and slightly unsettling nature (it’s the autism swag and being bad with human interaction but he doesn’t know that lol), hardison for his unapologetic intelligence and eliot for his hardened violent past and take-no-shit persona (he’s fun to tease)
they perform exactly as he expected, right into his carefully crafted plan. and then olivia is under his care and things get more complicated. he keeps her FAR, FAR away from anything related to the supernatural (heh). no one can find out about her, ESPECIALLY not those imbecile hunter brothers (if for nothing else than the embarrassment in revealing he has a weak spot)
not sure how to work it into this post but I also want to add that somewhere along the way he develops feelings for nate and sophie. the frame up job is near and dear to my heart and you can’t convince me that isn’t fighting as flirting behavior. his interpol persona is more of a side hustle so to speak, but he finds it fun (relaxing, even) to fill that role. there aren’t any obligations of other demons, bothersome hunters, or anything like that. nate and sophie are low stakes, except, they aren’t, really. they make him feel things he can’t ever really remember feeling. his heart beats fast when sophie sat in his lap and cradled his face, his hands sweat when nate gives him that certain smug look. he’s exasperated by the way they can run circles around him like no one else has ever before. they annoy him and get under his skin in a way no one else can and it’s infuriating. but also not, at the same time. maybe he likes it
and then the long goodbye job happens
hear me out and suspend your belief here for a second, because I can’t remember if crowley supernaturally knows when ppl die/are dead or not.
so nate is in interpol custody and the interviewer is obviously out of her depth. (most people are, when it comes to nathan ford.) he walks in and pours the man a drink, but he’s fuming. somewhere along the way he came to care about the team. hell and suffering is literally in his (official) job description, but he can admit (only to himself) that he admires what they do. it’s not for him, not anything close to where his passions and interests lie, but he respects their drive and purpose. he is also aware enough to acknowledge that they are a family, a group of misfits that never belonged quite anywhere except to each other.
and nate fucking blew it up, ruined it, because his vice is being so obsessed with the end game that he is apparently willing to let his team, his family, the people that anchor him to reality, die because the ends supposedly justify the means.
not this time. not to sterling crowley
he is enraged. he can admit within the confines of his mind that he cares for nate, for sophie, even for the other three (though nate and sophie have somehow made it a hierarchy where they are more important to him. which he will dissect later in private. maybe.)
nate let them die, he let sophie die, and for what? the black book? hell below, crowley would have made things easier somehow, if he knew that this was where nate’s sights had lied. he would have prevented this somehow. he wants to have prevented this. he doesn’t want any of them dead and is too afraid to check and verify because that would make it real. the idea of sophie (or any of them) somehow making it to hell instead of heaven would probably break something in him he might not be able to reapir fully.
he yells at nate- he’s angry. hellfire burning in his heart because everything is ruined. the deaths aside (however hard it is to set them aside in his mind), nate will not recover from this, not ever. this will be the start of the end, he is sure. a miserable, guilt-ridden existence where he drinks himself to death and nothing will save him. it plays out in crowley’s mind in a thousand different ways that are beyond painful to conceptualize, even in theory.
the story starts to unravel and there is a game afoot. a solemn, miserable, infuriating game because the con is still in session because parker is alive and in the building- which sets another fire alight in his chest. ‘parker even know you got hardison killed?’ he rages for her grief when she finds out. he knows it will double when she finds out eliot has perished, too, because he isn’t fucking blind.
but nate is a brilliant man, lest he forget too quickly. they are all alive, and somehow still the entire crew slips through his fingers. he’s not even angry (he never would have been- he doesn’t actually try too hard to catch them. it’s about the game, not the consequences). he lets them keep the black book because he’s fucking exhausted and honestly, they more than earned it.
‘now we’re even. tell sophie to drive carefully’. they will never be even, not really. crowley would never admit or agree that being human is the superior state of being, but that have made him feel human in a way he doesn’t actually mind. they keep him on his toes and match him in a way unique to them, they remind him that there are other things than the realm of hell. not necessarily bigger than hell, but maybe just as important in a different sense.
watching the van drive away, something inside him settles. when he walked into the interrogation room that day he thought this was the beginning of the end. it’s not the end at all, not an end to anything. it’s a continuation of their story. maybe, he thinks, a beginning to a new era in it
#before anyone says anything YES I KNOW HOW SPN LORE WORKS I WATCHED IT FOR MANY YEARS#I am just making this silly post for my own (and possibly your) amusement#I’m not digging too heavily into spn plot because I haven’t watched in forever and don’t trust my memory to make accurate commentary lol#also I know it’s probably layed but lied looked better somehow don’t worry about it#sorry this is so long I wasn’t sure where to break it to a read more bc all of it was too important to me 😭💀#tell me in the comments if you’d prefer a read more and where you think it should go#I haven’t been into spn for years HOW DOES THIS AU HAVE SUCH A CHOKEHOLD OVER ME#eliot spencer#parker#alec hardison#leverage ot3#parker x hardison x eliot#(background)#nate ford#sophie devereaux#jim sterling#nate x sophie#nate x sophie x sterling#crossovers#leverage x spn#leverage x supernatural#supernatural#crowley spn#crowley supernatural#crowley#leverage#mine#not even queueing this I need it posted immediately. instant gratification#pls like rb comment etc I need the validation#I ended up putting a read more for the long goodbye job
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THE EX-MORNING SERIES CONCEPT
By now I think many people have heard that KristSingto’s upcoming series is an original script that was written for them. What we also have confirmed is that it was written about them.
[source]
KRIST: This series was written by P'Backaof and directed by P'Lit where they created this script from the start deliberately for the two of us and they got information for the characters etc. from KristSingto directly. In the series, the name for P'Sing is Tamtawan, and my name is Phatapi. And Tamtawan Tamtawan and Phatapi are KristSingto themselves.
INTERVIEWER: Does that mean you play yourself?
KRIST: [laughing] Yes, we act as ourselves, so it's not difficult at all.
Today, Aof elaborated on his part on Twitter:
[source: @backaof]
[translation: @_beinglistener]
And Jojo added:
[source: @jojotichakorn]
[translation: @_beinglistener]
So, two gay men are the leading creative minds behind KristSingto’s comeback series. Time to study up on your KristSingto history, kids. \:D/
Long live sanctioned RPF. 🎉
#krist perawat#singto prachaya#kristsingto#the ex morning#i’ve already seen the same tired ‘guess rent was due’ about krist and#i see on twitter when people link my thread about krist to people still insisting he’s homophobic#man’s rich#he works constantly#he even said it’s something he regrets now that his grandmother who raised him passed away#he worked so much he didn’t have as much time for his family—who he helps support#he is quite literally considered bl royalty#he has more queer people in his circle than straight#waa (gay) is his mentor#aof (gay) wrote this series and jojo (gay) thought up the concept so even professionally he's supported by queer people#you don’t have to like him#and you don’t have to admit to sending death threats to a stranger who doesn’t speak your language based on rumors you didn’t verify#just y’know#admit quietly to yourself alone in your head that you were wrong and you caused harm to a person who didn’t deserve it#plenty of actors use bl as a stepping stone to bigger jobs#he’s not one of them#he wanted to do bl for years but gmmtv told him he could only work with singto#so literally the only reason kit didn’t do bl until BMF was scheduling issues because singto wanted to study abroad#and singto couldn’t get a fixed date for it and then the pandemic messed with his plans even more#i’m glad to see more and more people are understanding who krist is recently#and even in the series they made pathapi’s controversy an impulsive act of anger#krist has said he used to struggle with being hotheaded#and one of his apologies for the igs was even something like ‘i acted without thinking of how it would look out of context’#he just wanted people to stop harassing him for his sexuality but the context isn’t in the igs#anyway my go-to when i’m too tired to talk about this is always this#if he had ever been homophobic thai people would be the ones leading the charge against him…but it’s interfans
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#been trying to figure out how to ‘discern God’s Will’ for years now#and think somethings finally starting to hit me#went through this phase where it was like I know God’s Will because he has Revealed it to me (wrong)#or at least like. it’s not like here is a prophetic dream of all your future and now you must make sure your decisions line up with that#<-not how it works#then I went through this phase like how can I make Any decision if I don’t know the exact decision God would have me make here? i don’t have#the roadmap how do I know which way to turn?#<-contrary to popular belief life is NOT a Highway#then I went through a phase like oh! i have to be ok not knowing and trust God! leave that all to him and just do the thing in front of me!#<-yes!! but also. still leaves me incapable of making decisions#but now I’m getting to this construct:#for trying to make decisions:#1. orient your desires toward pleasing God#ie. hm. what can I do to please God?#note: this means what can I do to *please God* as in what pleases him?#what kinds of things are good what does he like?#2. oh! he likes these kinds of things I know (from what he’s told us) so what can *I* do to please God#based on what my skills and passions and circumstances are#in my unique way how can I please God?#and then 3. pursue some of those things and let God close and open doors as he will#and work to be content which is much easier when your goal is just to please him! like a lover their beloved or a child their parent#cause if that doesn’t please Him then it’s contrary to your goal and you don’t mind losing it so much#*this is all in a case of open ended decisions especially#cause obviously if it’s a good choice or a bad choice you should do the right thing that’s God’s will#but when it’s like jobs or moves or spouses of restaurants or whatever#God’s not a fortune cookie! you can’t anticipate his providence and make it happen yourself!#he’s *providing* it as you go! unbeknownst to you generally!#anyways! that’s where I’m landing#what can I do to *please God*. what can *I* do to please God. what *can* I do to please God
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2024 reads / storygraph
Outdrawn
f/f contemporary romance
two cartoonist who’ve been rivals since uni, and now have competing webcomics online, have to work together on the relaunch of a cult classic at the comic press they both work at
they both struggle with art-related physical and mental health issues, and complicated families
#outdrawn#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#sapphic books#I thought this was decent! I liked the concept (even if I got distracted by some art related things…)#and the dynamic between the characters was good. I enjoyed their relationship development broadly speaking#and the emphasis on communication; though it was a quick flip into being together all of a sudden.#The sketchbook doodle flirting was cute. Some interesting exploration of their complicated family situations too.#There’s a lot of exploration of burnout and carpal tunnel and the dangers of artists overworking which I think are important conversations#and are done with some nuance. But it’s pretty much all discussed in the context of the personal pressure they put on themselves#rather than the industry corporate greed and artificial competition created by the comic platform - which are significant in this story!#It felt odd that that connection wasn’t really ever made?#I know that this is a romance and nitpicking the background plot is beside the point and also that I am not a big romance reader#but the premise that the comic hosting site archives everything; wipes the leaderboard; and out of nowhere has a comic competition for#new weekly chapters…I’m sorry but the art world would riot. Even if people enter because they’re desperate for the cash they’d be pissed#People live off the income from their webcomics! if they were erased (temporarily) with no notice…..there would be crimes committed istg#I simply don’t believe that it would be doable to create a new weekly webcomic with no notice while you also have a full-time comic job#(especially as the only stylistic choices mentioned are full-colour) - not to mention what happened to their 8-years-running webcomics#that were archived? they don’t think about them at all after the beginning? surely they’d care about that?#And then with their new comics they make for this competition (after work I guess) we get vague snippets about them but barely anything#- if they’re consuming that much of your time I would expect to feel like they’re thinking about them all the time#rather than the vaguest discussion about genre and cast numbers only.#I guess I just think the whole comic site stunt felt unnecessary for the plot anyway -#it would have worked exactly the same if they were just competing on the normal leaderboard with their normal comics???#anyway - I’m not judging TOO hard about all that because again I know it’s not the point and maybe the industry is like that in some place#Unfortunately it was distracting enough to affect my feelings on the book tho lol.#Lastly: the audiobook………oof. The narrators talk at different speeds; for one.#And Sage’s VA does this deeply weird raspy-anime-teen-boy voice for Noah which is such an odd choice#and doesn’t match her character at all.#unforch my library only had the audiobook (what I usually prefer) so I just had to sort of….translate the narration into a normal voice lol#anyway the romance is good tho
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i acknowledge that it’s ultimately silly and frivolous and parasocial to be upset about the actions of a celebrity but like. god i used to think rob was SO so fucking cool and like… what happened? where did all of that passion go? saying the word “sellout” now may seem like a foregone conclusion or like “oh you’re just now getting that memo?” but like. god damn.
#a lot of people have talked over the years about what a great leader/boss he is but— hot take here—#making a bunch of television shows (thus creating jobs for people) and then just blowing them off because you’re bored—#—and you wanna be a business boy? not great leadership imo!!!#like. idk i think of all the times that glenn wanted to leave the show or do something different bc HE needed a change#but ultimately stayed or found a way to make it work bc. it mattered. it was the right thing to do#but the second YOU don’t feel like being in the writers’ room for YOUR show or YOU feel like your 20+ year sitcom is played out#that’s fine? like. have some COUTH.#I don’t even go to mq but i’m scorned for those of you who do
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would you all think that continually rescheduling even up to the last minute before an appointment, regularly switching from call to texting even when i’ve said i find texting less helpful because it comes off more brusque, no consistent linear topic directing, constantly directing focus to my day to day life/relationship rather than anything else about me even if i express concern about the rest of it is reason to consider breaking up with a therapist
#i like my therapist but i’m just getting to the point i kind of wonder why i’m paying for it#i don’t feel like anything has really been resolved and i feel like there’s kind of#idk unrealistic expectations of how a man should act when you throw therapy talk at him?#idk#but moreover i just don’t know#i don’t like the constantly being rescheduled#and then also she always says i can ‘reach out to her any time with problems’#and then when i do i get an ‘oh i’m on vacation so i’m not reading that till next week’#or ‘have a crucial conversation’ i KNOW that#i know that’s what i SHOULD do but for various reasons i can’t#maybe a ‘how’ would be helpful which is what i’m looking for#i want to express that i do in fact know my relationship has issues that need to get worked out#but therapy makes me feel like it’s kind of my job to force him to change some things and i can’t#i feel like any attempt to ‘force’ this stuff would just build resentment/contempt and not actually be useful#and again#it’s not being EXPLAINED.#it’s just ‘well hold him accountable’ HOW#i have had this therapist for like 3 years and while I’ve made some progress i don’t really feel like it’s because of therapy per de#i feel like my eating disorder has gotten NO in depth attention whatsoever#like it’s just ‘why do you think you do that’ ‘how do you think you could stop’ wow thanks i could ask that myself (and have)
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#if every single fuckup I’ve ever made this year at work could not come to light all at once#that would be so fucking stellar#😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑#my mental health is really struggling to survive blow after weekly blow#mistakes are normal#but I get marked up on each one and if I have too many at one time that gets me in serious trouble with work#and these are all mistakes I made months and even in one case YEARS ago#this is kind of the fucking worst actually 🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲#talk#vent#ALSO it’s super fucked that this all happens THE MOMENT a position for the promotion I’ve been trying to get for over a year opens up#they never open these positions up for some reason and I was told at the beginning of the year I should be in that position#and then 8 fucking months goes by and they don’t offer a position and then!!!#when they FINALLY DO!!!!#error. error. error. error. error. error.#SO FUCKED UP#I’m so upset#I’ve been crying about this for like a month straight and it doesn’t stop#and I’m not making any NEW mistakes!!!#it’s all shit from earlier this year!!!!#it’s so awful knowing that even if I don’t make a single mistake for a full year moving forward I could still end up with my job on the line#because old shit keeps popping up#it’s a nightmare for real
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Hello variously irresponsible fellow losers someone please give me the mental permission to spend money on things I want because I can afford it, it makes me happy, and I’ve earned all of the money for it. Just external validation because I Earned The Fun Thing. Please.
#chaoticbuggybitchboy#I earned the money with my big kid job and it’s to spend money on fun things for bands that I like#and there’s this stupid little voice in my head saying that I need to save my money because I don’t have very much#and sure yeah I shouldn’t be spending this much a week bc this is literally how much I make a week almost#<- it’s 1 day of work and I work three days per 2 weeks#so its 1/3 of my paycheck#which is not very much#I make like 150 dollars more or less I’m making minimum wage here#but yeah anyways I can afford a 50$ purchase of little treats once a year#esp since I’ll be able to get a job when I graduate and I’ll work the whole school year too#I don’t need to sit in the corner rocking over this#but uh yeah here I am
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