#and this reminds me of the early issues of the Ellis run which I really enjoyed

[age-of-moonknight]

Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe Again (Vol. 1/2017), #1.

Writer: Cullen Bunn; Penciler: Dalibor Talajic; Inker: Goran Sudžucka; Colorist: Miroslav Mrva; Letterer: Joe Sabino

[master-sass-blast]

Winter Stay-cation.

*insert pithy quip here*

Summary: A massive squall hits New York City. The snow, combined with a deep freeze, brings the city that never sleeps to a standstill once the police issue travel bans. Fortunately, you and Piotr know how to keep yourselves entertained during your impromptu stay-cation.

Pairing(s): Piotr Rasputin x Reader, Nathan Summers x Wade Wilson, and Ellie Phimister x Yukio.

Rating: G for fluff.

Word Count: 3.4k.

Set after “It’s Truly Magical.”

A/N: The movie quote from Day Five is from Alfred Hitchcock’s “Rear Window.”

Taglist:  @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @super-darkcloudstudent, @dandyqueen, @leo-writer

“—continuing into the middle of next week, if not longer. Expect heavy snowfall and temperatures below freezing, with windchill taking things below zero over the weekend.”

“Good grief.” You shake your head as you watch the weather report on the morning news. “It doesn’t get that cold when I fly full speed.”

Piotr, your husband, hands you a cup of coffee and shrugs. “January is ugly month.”

You smirk into your mug. “Bet this doesn’t compare to Siberian winters.”

“Not really,” he admits with a chuckle.

“The Chief of New York City’s Fire Department has issued a statement reminding residents to be careful when using their fireplaces and to monitor children and pets.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you quip, “Don’t use fireworks as kindling, we got it.”

Piotr snorts.

“In addition, the Police Department has issued a travel advisory in light of the predicted precipitation and sub-zero temperatures. All none-essential travel is restricted until the cold snap passes.”

“Groovy. Tell that to half the city.”

Piotr grins, shakes his head again, then turns the TV off. “Looks like we will have to keep ourselves occupied here this week.”

You cast a disparaging glance outside –where the snow is already up to Piotr’s knees—then say, “Like we were going anywhere else.”

 ***

 Day One

 There’s an upside to when the “deep freeze” hits. It’s already winter break, meaning there’s no coordinating classes, figuring out how to pick up students that don’t live at the mansion, or having to get up at the balls-ugly hours of the early morning in the stupid, frigid cold.

The two of you wake up at your leisure, around nine o’clock. You laze around in bed for a bit, snuggling and chatting and smooching, then head downstairs for breakfast. You wind up setting up shop at the dining room table, catching up on grading and filling out end of the semester report cards.

“Can you check these for me?” Piotr asks, handing you a stack of essays from his art classes. “I already made content-based marks; I am just not sure about English grammar.”

“Fun fact: most native English speakers aren’t sure about their grammar, either,” you joke with a smirk.

Piotr snorts, then checks his computer clock before standing. “Is about lunchtime. I was thinking soup and sandwiches?”

You nod. “Sounds tasty.”

“Would you like anything in particular?”

“Surprise me.” You make a contented hum when Piotr leans over the table to kiss you, then smile as you watch him head to the kitchen.

You really are the world’s luckiest woman (a sentiment you feel even more keenly when he comes back with a fresh cup of hot cider for you).

 ***

 Day Two

 “We should clean.”

The two of you are sitting on the couch. Your laptops sit on the coffee table, displaying the completed efforts of uploading grades to the online gradebook that the school uses. Two mugs that once contained coffee sit next to either laptop.

You look up at Piotr. You’re tucked against his side, head leaning on his shoulder while his fingers trace designs on the sleeve of your sweater (which is technically his sweater, but that’s neither here nor there). “Huh?”

“We should clean,” he repeats as he scrubs at his face with his free hand. “House could use it.”

You crane your neck to look over his shoulder. “We don’t really have that many dirty dishes.”

Piotr snorts, then raises an eyebrow at you. “When was last time we vacuumed? Or deep cleaned bathrooms? Or washed windows?”

“We can see out the windows just fine!”

Piotr grins and shakes his head. He stands, holding his hand out to you. “Come on, myshka. Clean home, clean mind.”

“I’ll have you know that my mind is nothing but dirty, and I’m offended that you would dare insinuate otherwise.”

Piotr laughs and helps you up. “We can start upstairs and work our way down.”

 ***

 Cleaning with Piotr isn’t so bad. He carries his fair share of the workload, does things to their proper doneness, and is a firm supporter of blasting tunes while cleaning.

“Take! Me! On!” You bounce up and down in time with the beat while you clean the sliding glass doors in your bedroom that lead out to the balcony. “I’ll… be… gone! In a day or two!”

Behind you, Piotr laughs. He’s hauling out a trashbag from the bathroom –no doubt filled with the sheer amount of crumpled paper towels it takes to get the place sanitary again. “I see you are enjoying yourself.”

“Absolutely not. I’m suffering endlessly. I’m going to die any minute now.” And then, to prove you point, you flop to the floor dramatically (taking care to use your powers to cushion your landing).

Piotr lets out a choked gasp, then clutches at his chest. “You keep scared me!”

You look up at him and laugh. “You know I can catch myself! You’ve seen me do that before!”

“Changes nothing!” He lets out a ragged breath, hand still pressed over his heart. “I could have heart attack.”

You giggle, then lift yourself off the floor with a swirl of wind. You land nimbly on your toes before him and wrap your arms around his waist. “Aw, now who’s being dramatic?”

“I fail to see how concern for your well-being is dramatic!”

You suppress a grin, opting to pop up on the balls of your feet and kiss him instead. “I’m very sorry I scared you, baby.”

“Is okay.” He kisses you gently, then gazes down at you with a rueful smile on his lips. “What am I going to do with you, myshka?”

“Dance with me?” You flash him an impish smile, then start bouncing in time to the music again.

Piotr chuckles, then takes your hands in his and bops along with you.

The two of you dance around the room –well, as much as what you’re doing can be called dancing. You sing the lyrics of the song to each other, not sticking to any particular key or tempo.

You laugh when Piotr lifts you into his arms, bridal style, then squeal in delight when he spins the two of you around.

It’s perfect.

 ***

 Day Three

 You wake up to the sound of Piotr’s phone chirping –because, even on vacation, he still keeps a daily morning alarm.

He groans as he comes to, then laughs when you roll over him and shut off his alarm for him. “Well, good morning to you, too.”

You set his phone back on his nightstand, then straddle his hips and plant your hands against his brawny chest. “You’re not making me clean today.”

Piotr smirks up at you, bushy eyebrow raising in challenge. “Oh?”

“We’re spending today in this bed,” you continue. “Just you” –you tap his chest—“and me, and as few clothes as possible. Sound good?”

He pretends to mull it over, even has he takes off the shirt he’d been sleeping in. “Are we allowed bathroom and meal breaks?”

“I’ll allow it.”

“Ah, very generous. Thank you, benevolent myshka.”

“You’re very welcome.” You giggle when he grins –then let out a delighted yelp when he rolls suddenly, pinning you between him and the bed. You sigh as he kisses you, eyes fluttering shut. You arms wind around his neck, holding him against you while his hands smooth down your body.

 ***

 Day Four

 Cabin fever starts setting in between the third and fourth day. There’s only so many chores you can do, only so many papers you can grade (and you’re out of papers to grade, which doesn’t help your case), only so much sex you can have before you’re gonna start losing your mind.

Fortunately, Piotr is well-attuned to you and your mental states –meaning he notices that you’re getting twitchy before you dip into pyromania to keep yourself entertained.

“We should do something fun today,” he says during breakfast. He spreads some sour cream over his plate of blinis, then adds cottage cheese and sausage meat. “Perhaps play some video games. Ellie has been pestering me to play some multi-people games with her and Yukio.”

“Could be fun,” you say before stuffing your mouth full with Nutella-covered blini. You swallow, then ask, “What did she want to play?”

“Ah… she had two. I think… Falling Guys and Among Us?”

A slow, wicked grin stretches across your place. Fuck yeah. “Let her know we’re in.”

 ***

 Piotr, unfortunately, turns out to be none too good at Fall Guys.

“No!” He wails, then flops back against the couch when he gets thrown off a platform and into the slime. “I could not run away!”

“You have to anticipate the enemy’s movements,” Ellie says over Discord. She’s already qualified and is spectating you and Yukio. “Predict their strategy, then counter.”

“I think it is less strategy and more ‘giant hands do not play nice with tiny controller,’” Piotr grumbles good-naturedly.

“Or maybe you got your butt kicked like a scrub,” Ellie fires back.

“I never contested that,” Piotr chuckles.

“Alright,” you say, eyes glued on your pink and yellow striped player. “I’m almost there, there’s plenty of slots left –no, you fucking pigeon! Let me go!”

“Language,” Piotr murmurs between bouts of laughter.

“It’s always a pigeon!” Ellie groans. “Fucking skyrats.”

“Language, NTW.”

You qualify for the next round (no thanks to the damn pigeon, who qualifies, too). Egg Scramble is next, and you wind up facing off against Ellie and Yukio for the win.

“Damn it!” There’s the sound of something hitting the floor –most likely Ellie throwing her controller—when she and Yukio get booted out. “Yellow always loses!”

“Is that it?” you ask while the loading screen plays. “Are we at the final round yet?”

“There’ll be one more,” Yukio says. “To finish whittling down the competitors.”

Sure enough, there’s a round of Tip-Toe –which you get through by the skin of your teeth—and then you and eight other players are sent to the finale.

“Okay, Hex-A-Gone. You’ll want to just hop from tile to tile,” Ellie advises you while the level loads. “It makes the tiles last longer.”

“Don’t be afraid to drop a couple levels at first,” Yukio adds. “You can carve out one of the lower levels, meaning anyone that falls above you will have further to go and will be more likely to get out.”

“I appreciate it, but don’t expect any miracles,” you say, laughing self-deprecatingly.

Piotr kisses the top of your head. “You can do this, myshka.”

You follow the girls’ advice; you let yourself drop down two levels, then start hopping from tile to tile to start carving out the platform.

“One guy’s already out!” Ellie announces. “You’ve got this!”

“Shit! I fell!”

“That’s okay,” Yukio reassures you. “Find a decent mass of tiles and hop, don’t run. Make them last.”

“The pigeon grabbed another player,” Piotr marvels, shaking his head.

“Yeah, well, they both died, so fat lot of good it did them,” Ellie mutters.

You keep going, bounce from brightly colored hexagon to brightly colored hexagon.

“Only four left!” Ellie lets out a whoop. “Holy shit, you’re gonna make it!”

“Don’t jinx me!” you laugh as you dodge another player’s attempt to grab you. “Don’t jinx me!”

“Three left –two! It’s just you and one other guy!”

“You’ve got this, Y/N!” Yukio cheers.

You dive for a clump of tiles –and miss. “No!” You groan, then laugh as your character plummets into the pink slime. “Damn. I’m never going to do that good ever again.”

Piotr wraps an arm around your shoulders in a conciliatory hug. “You did wonderful job, myshka.”

“He’s right. That was really good. The winner fell a few seconds after you, so it was basically a coin toss as to who was gonna get the crown,” Ellie says while the winner’s animation plays on screen.

“Yeah! Great job!” Yukio congratulates you.

“Wanna do another round?” Ellie asks as she flicks between skins and accessories for her avatar.

Yukio laughs lightly. “Baby, we were going to get lunch.”

“Oh, right.”

“Perhaps we can try other game after lunch,” Piotr suggests. “‘Fall Guys’ is okay, but makes me too dizzy.”

“Yeah, sure. Text me when you guys are done eating.”

***

 Among Us doesn’t go much better for Piotr, if only because he doesn’t adhere to the strategy of the game. He does his tasks without fail –which usually leaves him alone, and thus a prime target for killing or pinning a murder on. He’s also a terrible liar, which makes it easy to tell when he is the impostor.

You laugh as Piotr’s little red spaceman goes floating into space. “I honestly feel bad.”

“I don’t,” Wade says (he and Nate hopped on the Discord call when Yukio sent them an invite). “Pay for some acting classes, Chrome Dome! Give us a challenge, at least.”

Piotr starts grumbling in Russian, but it gets cut off when the round starts up again.

(You all still wind up losing because Nate’s the other impostor and racks up bodies like nobody’s business.)

“I’m still waiting for when Ellie and Dad get the impostor role together,” you comment as the defeat screen flashes on your laptop screen.

“What, so we all die in five minutes?” Wade grumbles. “So we can suffer the agony of betrayal and not honoring trust again?”

“It’s just a game, Wade,” Nate sighs. “And I apologized already.”

“Is our relationship ‘just a game’ to you, Natey? I gave you an alibi –and then you shanked me in the shower like rejected prison bitch!”

“Language, Wade,” your husband pipes up, voice world-weary. “Please.”

You all start another round once Wade calms down –which, admittedly, takes a while and a great deal of coaxing from Nathan. You grin when you see that you’re an impostor alongside Yukio –then giggle to yourself when a plan pops into your mind.

You start stalking Piotr around the map. You fake doing tasks alongside him, acting as his shadow as he treks around the map. On the corner of your screen, you watch your kill timer wind down, then wait for the right moment once it runs out, and—

Downstairs, in his art studio, your husband lets out an indignant scream when your character murders his.

You fall back onto the bed and cackle.

 ***

 Day Five

 The squall rages on outside. The world is practically buried in snow. It’s a sea of white outside your bedroom windows, blinding and sterile.

You peer at the swaths of snow blanketing every inch of ground, every tree branch, and every shrub, then nestle further under the blankets. “Ugh. I don’t even want to get out of bed today.”

Piotr chuckles, then wraps an arm around your waist. “How come?”

“Have you seen what it’s like outside? It’s disgusting!”

“I thought you liked snow.”

“I do. That’s how you know it’s bad.” You sigh as you eye the fat, fluffy flakes falling from the sky. “I wish I could, like, go outside. Go to a store or something. Leave the house.”

“Is not safe to drive yet.”

“I know, I know.” You sigh. “Is it bad that I miss the color green?”

“Nyet. Is normal.”

You smile, just a little, when Piotr kisses the back of your head. You roll over to face him. “Can we build a blanket fort today?”

He raises an eyebrow. “What… here? In bedroom?”

“Yeah. We can make it look all pretty, and snuggle in bed, and watch movies, and have sex…”

“Bozhe ty moi.” Piotr snorts, then takes a moment to study your face, your eyes. “You really want blanket fort?”

“Kind of, yeah. I just… I want something new to look at.”

The corner of his mouth turns up in a soft smile. He presses his lips against your forehead. “Alright, myshka. Let’s make fort.”

***

 “When a man and a woman see each other and like each other, they ought to come together. Wham. Like a couple of taxis on Broadway.”

You let out a content, relaxed sigh, then wriggle closer to Piotr.

The fort, admittedly, is simple –but you don’t mind. While you were taking a shower, Piotr assembled the whole thing, just to give you a little surprise.

He’d brought up a couple floor lamps from the main floor, then clipped some fairy lights to them before draping the largest quilt in the house over top to make the room. He’d pinned some throw blankets to either side of the quilt to make the sides, then made the bed and assembled the pillows so the two of you could have a nice, cozy, comfy den to watch movies in.

The recurring, delighted thought of ‘he made it for me; he made it for me because he knew I wanted one’ loops around in your brain like a bumblebee drunk on fermented crab apples. You grin, then loop your arms around Piotr’s neck and kiss his cheek.

He grins, cheeks flushing ever so slightly. “What was that for?”

“You made me a blanket fort.”

“You asked for one.”

“Yeah, but you made it for me. You could’ve just waited until we could both work on it.”

He shrugs, lips curving into a soft, pleased smile. “I wanted to see look on face. You were very happy.”

“Correction: I am very happy.” You kiss the tip of his nose, then his lips. “I love you, Piotr.”

“And I love you, Y/N.”

 ***

 Day Six

 You know it’s bad when you wake up before Piotr.

You look over at your husband, who’s still slumbering away next to you –and sawing some logs, no less—then out at the winter hellscape outside, and decide there’s only one thing for it.

You’re channeling your inner Great British Bake Off contestant and demolishing the kitchen.

***

 Piotr comes downstairs around ten in the morning –which is a miraculous amount of sleep in time for him—but by then, the damage has already been done.

There’s a cake cooling on the counter (you’d found a box of cake mix in the back of the pantry and decided to use it as a warm-up. The mixer is working overtime on a double batch of sugar cookies –plus there’s already chocolate chip cookie dough chilling in the fridge.

You look up from the cookbook you’d been perusing –you were thinking pie next—and flash your husband a slightly sheepish grin as he gapes at the kitchen. “Uh… good morning?”

“Myshka…”

“I made cake.”

“I can see that.” Piotr drops his heads into his hands and makes a noise somewhere between a groan and a laugh. “Why?”

“Because being trapped inside is stressing me out and I want to cope by eating my weight in desserts.”

Piotr sighs, then lifts his head. He eyes the mixer, then the increasingly sheepish expression on your face. “How much is that?”

“In the bowl or in the fridge?”

“Bozhe ty moi.”

“Look, the way I see it, we can share—”

“You have that much correct. We do not need five million cookies.”

“Excuse you, I’m only making three million. Also, do you know where the lard is?”

Piotr’s face scrunches up. “Lard? Why—”

“I wanna make pie.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose. “We already have cake. And goodness knows how many kinds of cookies.”

“But those aren’t pie.” You smile impishly at him. “Plus, like, pie has fruit, so it’s good for you. You like fruit. Think about how good it’ll be to eat something with fruit after all the cake, and the cookies…”

“Or I could just eat fruit.” He sighs, resigned and slightly frustrated, when you bat your eyelashes at him. “I will check pantry.”

***

 Day Seven

 “—as of today, authorities are lifting the ban on nonessential travel—”

“Yes!” You launch yourself into the air, twirling around and pumping your fists before landing lightly on the couch once more. “Finally!”

Piotr laughs and shakes his head. “What, is staying inside with me so terrible?”

“Absolutely not.” You crawl across the couch and into his lap, then give him a loud smooch. “I have enjoyed every single day of your company. However, you’ve got about fifteen minutes before I start repainting the walls out of sheer boredom.”

Piotr bursts into raucous guffaws. He puts a hand over his eyes, shoulders and stomach shaking with each laugh. He sighs, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes as minute giggles slip past his lips. “Well, we do need to restock on food. And flour and butter, since someone decided to open bakery yesterday.”

You pointedly ignore the pies and full cookie jar sitting on the kitchen counter. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

He snorts, then pats your thigh. “Get dressed, myshka. We will go shopping.”

“Fuck yeah!” You zip up the stairs.

Downstairs, you can hear Piotr start laughing again.

[arecomicsevengood]

COMICS BLOGGING OF A RAMBLING AND DIGRESSIVE SORT

I am embarrassed to admit it, but I do believe I buy things as a way of coping with my own uselessness. I’d like to attribute a universality to this character flaw, and claim everyone spends money on things they don’t need to fill some sort of existential void at the center of their being. My habits are relatively healthy, some people get shitfaced in response to the stimuli that makes me simply want meat, cheese, and carbohydrates. I have at various times read books at a pace comparable to eating, where everything got finished to make way for something else, but just because “reading books” is viewed as something good for your brain doesn’t make the act of buying them feel any less like a bit of brainless consumerism, especially when one is broke, and a global depression looms. Still, considering my worries that the postal service and retail outlets might go away if we do not support them and this will make life even more unbearable I convinced myself now was not the time to be a spendthrift.

All this is to explain why I bought a handful of comics I wasn’t sure I even expected to be good. Namely, I bought a bunch of issues of Alan Moore’s Tom Strong that I wasn’t sure whether or not I’d read before. I intended to parcel them out and savor them, but when I buy snacks at the grocery store, they get eaten faster than the vegetables. I bought these, along with some other single issue comics, from wowcool.com. From Powell’s, I preordered the first volume of Taiyo Matsumoto’s Ping Pong, which should arrive in a few weeks. I also ordered a few new releases direct from Fantagraphics.

Most notable among these is the Olivier Schrauwen/Ruppert And Mulot collaboration Portrait Of A Drunk. I’m on record as liking all the artists involved, and this one demonstrates why pretty clearly: While Olivier Schrauwen specializes in comedy about dumb guys, itself a form close to my heart, Ruppert And Mulot are darker and meaner, so here the dumb guy is an indifferent murderer. Being set in a pirate milieu allows for pretty amazing sequences of action and hallucination to flourish, their skills at color and composition tie it all together. Highly recommended. The back of the book announces Fantagraphics will be publishing the Ruppert And Mulot books made in collaboration with Bastien Vives starting next year. Hopefully I will end up reading comics by people other than my known favorites this year, but during a period of belt-tightening, there’s no guarantee even one’s favorites will live up to the increasingly-burdensome expectations put upon them.

Still, those Tom Strong comics outperformed my expectations. I believe I discussed how much I like Chris Sprouse’s work when I wrote about Alan Moore’s Supreme run, but let me reiterate: There’s a handful of comics Sprouse drew in the early nineties (A Batman annual with a Two-Face story written by Andy Helfer, an eighty-page Justice League Quarterly story, the first few issues of Legionnaires) which are emblematic of a certain DC Comics skillset I really value: This George Perez style ability to draw a lot of characters, rendered with this Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez spareness, this Kevin Maguire sense of facial expressions, a certain openness to the faces which is youthful and attractive and optimistic. There’s something similar to Graham Nolan’s art too: I don’t know how much other people like this stuff, it’s not really “cool” or gnarly looking, but there’s an unobtrusive cleanliness I associate with the DC “vibe” of this era, which I find vastly more appealing than the sort of post-Image-studios runoff that was their standard look more recently. As much as I love a good stylist, his is a good house style variant. Considering that, it rules that Tom Strong is what Chris Sprouse is known for. Those early nineties comics all have a lot of panels per page, but Moore, working in a post-Image mode, lets him breathe and do action sequences. He’s not an explosive artist, his drawing has this sort of style-guide quality to it, that feels perfect for the sort of “platonic ideal of a mainstream genre comic” tone that their collaborations aim for.

Reading these comics, I realized a few things: One, I hadn’t actually read them before. Two, they’re twenty years old. The years have been kind to them, in that I spent them aging, and while I was really into Top Ten and Promethea as a teenager, I still suspect that if Tom Strong is your favorite Alan Moore comic you are probably a dad. There’s a heavily nostalgic quality to all the genre pastiche going on, and its anchored by this character who is pretty upstanding, possessing this sort of all-seeing but benevolent competence aspect, and the storytelling affirms his liberal values. Peaceful coexistence is treated as preferable to violent conflict. It’s the work where Moore’e desire to issue a corrective to what he sees as a negative influence he had is most evident, it genuinely seems to be trying to be morally instructive to a young audience. I don’t think any of these things are bad, but it’s pretty easy to see how, reading the issues as they came out, many of them would register as somewhat bland. I seem to recall comic book writers at this time like Warren Ellis, Grant Morrison, and Mark Millar all deriding what they called “dad comics,” not necessarily talking about Tom Strong, as a way of hyping up their own efforts, many of which I followed more avidly at the time but do not expect would hold up nearly as well. (There’s an issue that’s a homage to old Captain Marvel Family comics, featuring a few pages of Kyle Baker art, I particularly enjoyed.)

After being reminded that Moore is a great writer, and never forgetting for a second we live in dark times, it felt appropriate to read From Hell again. I texted a friend and found he had started rereading it at the same time. I don’t consider it Moore’s masterpiece the way that contrarians that don’t want to give the nod to Watchmen do. While the darkness feels organic to the subject matter in a way it often doesn’t in Moore’s eighties superhero work, I do feel the whole “Jack The Ripper gives birth to the twentieth century” thing is a bit of a reach. I believe I will end up reading some of Eddie Campbell’s solo comics before quarantine is over, I am impressed by how organic the pacing feels, how natural it progresses while largely avoiding calling attention to Moore as a writer. The skill set that enables Moore to do a densely researched historical conspiracy thing is evident when he does a genre serial. Many of the elements in Tom Strong do not feel like they are imagined from whole cloth so much as they feel appropriated from various sources and then connected into this larger whole. The “peaceful coexistence” remit of Tom Strong allows for a structure where stories that seems tossed-off come back into play as plot elements. You rarely receive this kind of payoff from extended serials, but it’s built into the structure of screenwriting, and it is satisfying to retroactively realize like you weren’t having your time wasted when you thought you were.

I also ordered from Wowcool the Dunja Jankovic comics Sparkplug put out circa ten years ago. They’re very cool, reminiscent of Anke Feuchtenberger and Gary Panter, slowly shifting their sense of texture over multiple pages, so that while I don’t think I realized at the time these comics were released that they’re very well-drawn, it is obvious when you actually read them. I anxiously await her “Richter’s Game” minicomic being translated into English, though obviously this is going to be a tough year for self-publishers selling zines with widespread show cancellations. My hope is that Fantagraphics’ Now anthology will just start running work by people like Dunja, Alyssa Berg, Nick Norman, and Beatrix Urkowitz, but maybe there are good reasons for that not to occur. Maybe anthology pages can’t compete with the profits one stands to gain from self-publishing, or maybe my own idea of what I consider my broad-minded and catholic tastes would not actually appeal to large sections of the indie comics market, the same way my idea of what I consider “good” in mainstream comics is actually far too nostalgic a model for the aesthetic preferences of the market as it currently stands. I offer these recommendations solely as another way of coping with my powerlessness.

[aion-rsa]

Helstrom: The Comic History of Marvel’s Son of Satan

https://ift.tt/33Vbv3V

On Oct. 16, Hulu will be releasing the latest Marvel tie-in series Helstrom. It’s not so much like one of those upcoming Disney+ MCU shows that feature high-profile superheroes telling stories that will be important to the overall fictional universe. It’s more like Daredevil or Runaways where quality be damned, you’re never going to hear anyone in the movies make anything close to a reference to it, but it counts as part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe anyway.

The series is about siblings Daimon Helstrom and Ana Helstrom, who have seemingly normal lives, but oppose demons and evil people on the side. Their mother is institutionalized, which is fairly true to the comics, but their father is also referred to as “a powerful serial killer.”

In the comics, things are a bit grander. Their father isn’t just any serial killer, but a variation of Satan. Marvel has a bunch of guys whose identities are “basically Satan, but not really.” Instead of suits and turtlenecks, the two have comic adventures where they dress like they shopped off the sexy Halloween costume rack at Party City.

Daimon Helstrom (played by Tom Austen) gets both L’s in the comics as Daimon Hellstrom, but also has the rad nickname of Son of Satan. Shockingly, he’s a good guy! Mostly. Even when bare-chested with a glowing pentagram over his torso. Even with a magical pitchfork as his weapon of choice.

Son of Satan and his sister Satana are essentially the Marvel versions of Dante and Vergil from Devil May Cry. Both are half-human/half-devil and they lean on opposite sides of their genetics.

So let’s say you want to get into Hellstrom’s comic book exploits. Well, you’re in luck because we have a list of his main character runs since showing up in 1973.

The Early Spotlight (1973-1975)

Hellstrom made his first appearance in Ghost Rider #1. In the first two issues of that series, Hellstrom was hired as an exorcist to help deal with a missing woman who had been possessed. Interestingly enough, they never gave a clear look at Hellstrom in those two issues other than the demonic birthmark on his chest.

Initially, Hellstrom had a Jekyll and Hyde gimmick to the point that he told the woman’s loved ones to lock him up in a dark room and not let him out no matter what he said. Unlike the supporting characters in Young Frankenstein, the bozos didn’t take that to heart and let Hellstrom’s more maniacal personality Son of Satan loose.

Sidenote: His adventures were originally going to be called “the Mark of Satan” with more emphasis on Satan as the antagonist, but doing comics focused on Satan was deemed a little over-the-line, so they changed it.

Second sidenote: I did not hit her, it’s bullshit, I did not hit her, I DID NOT! Oh hi, Mark of Satan!

Read more

TV

How Helstrom Became One of Marvel Television’s Last Shows Standing

By Alec Bojalad

Son of Satan’s adventures continued into Marvel Spotlight #12-24. It didn’t take long for Marvel to realize that giving him a double-identity was kind of a lame idea and instead had Satan Sr. magically handwave that away and make Son of Satan just one dude. Definitely for the better as he no longer felt so blatantly like Marvel’s answer to Jason Blood/Etrigan.

Hellstrom continued to fight against ghoulish enemies while opposing his father’s ways and dated some generic woman whose name I couldn’t tell you if you paid me a million dollars. It all culminated in a really strong finale issue where Hellstrom fought against and with his sister Satana, but maybe ignore the part where Hellstrom had a dream about the two of them making out.

Striking Out Solo (1975-1977)

Son of Satan had his own self-titled ongoing series that only lasted eight issues. From the beginning, Hellstrom went to Hell to basically tell off his dad as a way to say that this series wouldn’t be about their rivalry. Instead, it was Son of Satan dealing with a bunch of random villains that nobody would ever really remember.

There was one ridiculous enemy named the Possessor (not to be confused with the Elder of the Universe) who wore a mask to hide the fact that he had demon faces where his ears are supposed to be. Too bad he never showed up outside of this series.

It was a trippy outing, but ended before it could find its footing.

Demon Defender (1981-1983)

The Defenders are, of course, the bundle of heroes who don’t quite fit in with the Avengers, Fantastic Four, or X-Men but need people to hang out with. Guys like Hulk, Dr. Strange, Namor, Valkyrie, etc. Son of Satan became a regular ally in the team’s early days, appearing to help out every now and then. Most notably, he was part of a storyline where the Serpent Society kidnapped the Defenders and Clea put together a second team to rescue them, featuring the likes of Son of Satan, Daredevil, and Luke Cage.

Then again, the only thing anyone truly remembers about those issues is a very bizarre and legendary scene of a random guy getting killed by an Elf with a Gun.

As the series reached its 92nd issue, Hellstrom finally joined the team. On one hand, having Son of Satan on the team meant the Defenders had to take on the occult more than usual. On the other hand, Hellstrom soon fell in love with fellow Defender Hellcat, who was regularly dealing with constantly being possessed and turning into a scantily-clad demoness.

When Defenders hit its 100th issue, they did a really climactic storyline where a handful of the various Marvel Devil guys invaded Earth and Son of Satan had to take on Father of Son of Satan for the fate of Earth. The conclusion is rather surprising.

Prince of Lies (1993-1994)

Okay, so Daimon Hellstrom and Patsy Walker have been married for ten years (our time). It’s a fairytale romance where they’ve made a few guest appearances here and there, but have otherwise retired, happily ever after. What could POSSIBLY taint such true love?

90s comics. That’s your answer.

Welcome to Hellstorm: Prince of Lies, a 21-issue ongoing series where every issue looks like a Nine Inch Nails video and they try to see how much lanky nudity they can get away with showing in a Marvel comic. Like, holy crap, there has to be a world record for shadowed-out junk in this series. They even edit in some obvious, hastily-drawn underwear on characters at times as if the editor has realized they’ve gone too far.

It’s a gritty and grimy series that you’d expect from a 90s comic where much of it is written by Warren Ellis and the main character is Satan’s son. Lots of spikes, sharp teeth, long hair, suffering, insanity, and so on. It’s most definitely a product of its time.

Plus it’s called “Hellstorm” instead of “Hellstrom.” Scout’s honor, I didn’t notice the difference until my editor pointed it out.

Maximum Hellstorm (2006-2007)

Ah, Marvel MAX. The days when Marvel decided to give R-rated comics a shot and just threw everything at the wall. Hellstorm: Son of Satan was one of them, going for five issues. By this point, we’re in the mid-00s, so Hellstrom has a more down-to-earth look and is constantly talking to his father on a cellphone and tries so hard not to remind us what he looked like in the 70s and 80s.

But because it’s Marvel MAX, it means that his adventure is filled with lots of curse words, ultra-violence, gross demon boobs, and explicit Jesus imagery you normally wouldn’t see in a comic like this.

While the whole “Hellstrom messes with Egyptian underworld deities” storyline is a bit high concept, it still feels more like the new Hulu show than anything else.

Zombie Slayer (2009)

Speaking of gritty Marvel trends, there’s Marvel Zombies! While the initial Ultimate Fantastic Four storyline and the first two volumes of Marvel Zombies dealt with the happenings of a doomed universe, the next few volumes went slightly more uplifting. After all, sometimes you need to have people to root for who can back it up.

In Marvel Zombies 4, the Black Talon and the Hood (under the influence of Dormammu) try to use the decapitated head of Zombie Deadpool (otherwise known as Headpool) to bring forth the zombie apocalypse in the regular Marvel universe. Yes, we actually have canon stakes this time.

To prevent this, we have the Midnight Sons, made up of Son of Satan, Morbius, Jennifer Kale, Werewolf by Night, and Man-Thing. It’s an incredibly badass group working through an incredibly badass adventure. Too bad the team doesn’t last.

On a similar note, around this time there was a miniseries called the Last Defenders where Son of Satan was a major character. It’s just that by the time the team came together, they were an immediately-forgotten afterthought, so there’s no use in giving it its own entry.

Ghost Riders in the Sky (2009-2010)

Jason Aaron had a really, really, really great run on Ghost Rider. Most definitely read it. It’s pure grindhouse and I love it.

The whole run finished with Ghost Riders: Heaven’s on Fire. This culmination featured Johnny Blaze and Danny Ketch working together against a corrupt angel, the anti-Christ, and a group of villains from earlier in the run teaming up.

At least they have Daimon Hellstrom there to help out. Unfortunately, Hellstrom looks outright goofy with a bald head and Fu-Manchu mustache. The story brings back Jaine, his EXTREME love interest from the 90s series who he ended up with after his relationship with Patsy went very south.

Anyhow, Jason Aaron’s Ghost Rider run. Read it!

Strikeforce (2019-2020)

Much like how X-Men had X-Force as the team that would do the really dirty work, Avengers had a spinoff team called Strikeforce. Made up of Winter Soldier, Angela, Blade, Spider-Woman, Wiccan, and Spectrum, the team soon brought Hellstrom into the fold. Which is just as well, since he was working for Baron Zemo for a little while and really needed to get his head back on straight.

Unfortunately for Hellstrom, 1) he retained his bald look from Heaven’s on Fire and 2) the series didn’t last all that long. Only nine issues, sadly. Eh, it was fun while it lasted.

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At least he’s joining the Savage Avengers next! And they’re giving him his hair back!

The post Helstrom: The Comic History of Marvel’s Son of Satan appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/31dX5KF

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 56

Chapter Summary - Sarah asks Danielle's opinion on something, sometimes being brutally honest has a risk of going against people, other times, it can be fun. Tom talks to his niece about her ideas of himself and Danielle as well as more talking between the loving pair themselves and plans for the future as the family sit down to a lovely Christmas dinner, but Christmas can have it's ups and downs in the best of households, including then Hiddleston's.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @damalseer​ @hiddlesbitch1​ @winterisakiller​ @fairlightswiftly​ @salempoe​ @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

"Elle, I need your opinion on something," Sarah called over.

"Will you ever just be honest, I know that tone you are using. What you are really saying is 'Elle, I want to say something incredibly bitchy, but haven't the balls to do it myself, so I am hoping you will do it for me'." Danielle laughed as she came over. "Right, what is it?"

"Listen to this." Sarah handed her headphones, while she, Emma and Jack waited, seemingly with bated breath. After Danielle put them on, Sarah pressed play and no one said anything.

"I like the backing music and singers, but your man is no great shakes," Danielle stated as she listened to the song. "God, it's shit."

"It's the title song for the new Fifty Shades movie," Sarah informed her.

"Well, at least they're honest, starting with a shit song for a shit movie, I..." She froze for a moment before taking off the headphones, wincing. "Who is that attempting to sing?"

"Zayn," Jack informed her.

"Huh?"

"Guy from One Direction," Emma explained further.

"One of them was Irish, wasn't he?" Danielle tried to recall. "Well, like, he's still Irish, obviously, never mind. Someone send this guy some help, they seem to have crushed his balls. Is that part of the movie?"

"Put on the headphones again." Sarah laughed.

Warily, Danielle did as she was told. "Right, so some generic chick now."

"Opinion?"

"I am not sure she's actually good or is it after crushed balls she sounds good, no wait, she's shit too." she looked around at the grinning faces as she took off the headphones. "It's Taylor, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Sarah admitted.

"I knew it, it's genius, have some fella get a crushed bollix so for once, she actually sounds mediocre as opposed to all-out shite. You've to give it to her, she knows how to work it."

"You are evil," Jack shook his head.

"Are you saying you actually like her music? I mean, whatever you're into but, you know, you may need to get a doc to check your oestrogen levels if whiny 'I can't get anyone to put up with me' songs is your thing." Danielle stuck tongue out through her teeth as she smiled at him, knowing she was irking him.

"You are such a bitch." Sarah laughed.

"This is known," Danielle shrugged. "Where's Tom?"

"He, Yakov and the Duchess are out bringing Mac for a small walk," Emma stated. "Speaking of which, why is she 'the Duchess' now?"

"Because she acts like one, she stole Tom's room." Sarah rolled her eyes. "It actually suits her."

"I shall take credit, as per usual." Danielle beamed. "Your mam is in mine, isn't she?"

"Yeah, getting up the pudding and stuffing," Sarah stated. "I better call Yakov and tell them that dinner is nearly ready."

"I better go get the rest of Tom's present." Danielle walked out of the room and to her home.

"Are you two alright again?" Sarah asked her younger sister as she unlocked her phone to call her husband.

"I think so."

"What did she get you?"

"That jacket I couldn't find anywhere that sold out on fashion week." Emma swallowed, readying herself for what she knew was coming.

"And what did you get her?" Emma did not respond, instead, she looked guiltily at the floor. "Are you serious, you got her nothing? What did you get Tom?"

"A new suitcase."

"Wait, you got our brother, the same brother who declined a huge film because they weren't going to give him time to go to your wedding a fucking suitcase and your supposed best friend you got nothing for?" Sarah growled angrily. "What the fuck, Em?" Emma said nothing and meekly left the room. Sarah stated at Jack for a moment. "You knew about this?"

"No, I just asked if she got everything she needed for Christmas and she said yes." He sighed. "I didn't realise she had done this."

"This has to stop, seriously, I know Danielle is not the sort to care about presents, but that is a slap in the face to anyone." Sarah declared.

"Look, they are clearly sorting things out, so I am not going to say anything," her brother-in-law stated. "This got blown out of proportion, yes, but I am there for Emma, no matter what."

"We all are, but we cannot condone her being like this either. Danielle is the only decent woman Tom has looked at as a long-term partner since he first stepped out on a Hollywood red carpet, and I am not letting some spoiled brat ruin that for him, or for this family."

"Tom nearly caused a lot of issues last summer." Jack reminded her.

"Tom was in a desperate place last summer, we all thought he was losing his mind, especially when he brought home the fucking Prom Princess and threw my daughter in front of camera's like a show dog, but he has copped on, all because of Elle, and she cares for him, not his money, not his name, him and that is what matters here. She was there for my daughter, she defended my daughter, listened to her woes when she would not open up to me, and as a mother, I will never forget that. And if you and Emma have kids, there front and centre to protect them from any of this bullshit, will be Elle. Tell me I am wrong."

Jack barely took a moment to respond. "Even if we tell her not to, she will be."

"She cares for this family, she sees it as her own, she was always part of it and now, with Tom, even more so. When this all hits the newsstands, she will need us, and we have to be there for her."

"They are going to try to tear her apart." Jack shook his head.

"She's too normal for them." The pair turned to see Emma in the doorway of the room again. "She's not Hollywood pretty, Hollywood skinny, Hollywood rich, she's too normal, they will want to cause her to break."

"Is that what you want?" Sarah asked her younger sister.

Emma shook her head, tears in her eyes. "Never."

"Then cop on and make sure you make her see you are her friend because you are acting like you are going to be leading the charge against her. If anyone ever found out, they would run that story before we even sat to dinner." Sarah ordered. "That she used you to get to Tom and tore the Hiddleston family apart, that is what it would say, and your behaviour would act as the confirmation. It could not be further from the truth, but trust me, I have seen the cesspit that is the journalistic world and to get ahead, they will try and make destruction, and the summer and subsequent bullshit with Taylor just confirmed that lower than some normal journalists are the paparazzi ones; we make sure that doesn't happen, agreed?" Her sister and brother-in-law nodded their agreement.

*

"Uncle Tommy?"

"Yes, darling?" He looked around, watching as his niece held onto the fur on Mac's neck, the dog slowing his pace to keep in step with her.

"Are there going to be cameras around again?"

"I really hope not."

"Oh." There was more than a hint of disappointment in her tone.

Her father and uncle looked at her. "Why, do you want there to be?" Tom asked.

"Well, before, with Tyler."

"Taylor." her father corrected.

"Yeah, her, they were here and all wanting to take photo's of you and her, but not with Ellie."

"Well, Elle doesn't like camera's."

"No, Aunty Emma gives out that she never likes them, she has to force Elle to take photo's with her."

"Why would you want to have Elle in front of a camera?" Tom asked.

"Because I like her and you do and you are always smiling now, and that is what you should take photo's of; except yesterday, what happened to her yesterday?"

"She fell off her bike and hurt her hand."

"Was she wearing her helmet?"

"She was, and that is why her head is okay," Tom stated. "See why your mum and dad get you to wear yours?" The child nodded enthusiastically at him.

"Ellie would be mad if I didn't."

"Elle would lose her life if she thought you were going to get hurt." Tom agreed.

"Are you and Ellie getting married like Emma and Jack?"

Yakov simply laughed. "That is officially everyone making comments about that topic in the past two days, I think you are under some pressure, Tom."

"I am not even thinking of anything like that at present. Poor Elle would run like a racehorse in the opposite direction." Tom shook his head. "Not yet sweetheart, perhaps in the future, I am not able to say now."

"I'd be the flower girl again like with Aunty Emma's though, won't I?"

"It's good to see her staking her claim in early." Yakov laughed.

*

Tom brought Mac back to Danielle's as his brother-in-law and niece went into his mothers, walking into her kitchen, he was somewhat startled to find Elle there. "Hey."

"Hi." She was facing the window, looking out on the garden.

"What are you doing over here by yourself, has Emma said something?"

"She said a sincere sorry and explained herself," Danielle informed him. "But no, that's not why I'm here."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just came to get something and got sidetracked by birds."

"Birds?"

"Yeah, look." She indicated to the garden, where sure enough, due to the few bird feeders Danielle had placed out there, there were several birds foraging for food. "I forgot how nice it is to have some around."

"Well, how about we get a few feeders for London and put them in the back garden?" Tom suggested, kissing her neck.

"I actually would really love that, you don't mind?"

"Elle, it's a few bird feeders, not a six-story extension." Tom chuckled.

"You forget how many pretty colours they are."

Tom looked at her for a moment. "How strong of a painkiller are you on?" She nudged his ribs with an elbow.

"Stop it, I just miss seeing little animals, they are just so nice and calming to look at."

"Do we have these sorts of birds in London?" Tom had never really paid proper attention to such a thing before.

"Yes, of course." Danielle laughed. "It's not exactly a million miles away, though, I'd say they are tougher, like the Underground mice."

"Underground mice?" Tom looked at her with concern. "Are you sure you are not after taking too many tablets at once?"

"No, I have not. Wait, you never noticed the mice?"

"Mice, on the Underground? No, I cannot say I have, what do they do, take the Northern line to Camden to the street markets, hop on the Central to get to St Paul's?"

Danielle giggled. "No, they scuttle around on the platforms, usually black with dirt from the trains and look for tidbits of food. How have you not noticed them?"

"How have you?" He retorted.

Danielle merely shrugged. "I just love watching them all."

"Did you ever want to be a vet?"

"Yeah, sort of; I wanted to take dad's practise for a bit when I was in school, but I never excelled in Chemistry and that is a requirement for Veterinary in Ireland." She explained. "I know my weaknesses, so I just decided to enjoy animals instead."

"They really are therapeutic to watch actually," Tom noted as he too became somewhat transfixed on the birds too.

"The Great Tit over there is a bollix, watch how he is bullying them all." She pointed out.

"I'm sorry, the what? That's actually a real thing?"

Danielle rolled her eyes. "Yes, there is actually a bird called a Great Tit."

"I thought that was just a joke. How do you know it's male?"

"Boys are bright coloured to attract females, didn't you speak at a thing to commemorate Richard Attenborough, haven't you watched any of his brother's documentaries?"

"Only a few."

"Shame, shame." she joked. Tom just chuckled back. "I got you something, by the way. The other part of your present."

"It's not new shoes?" Tom asked warily, "I was given a new jacket from Sarah with the comment, 'For a change'."

Danielle laughed, "Well..." She handed him a small bag, somewhat perturbed, Tom took one look at the content. On seeing what it was he gave her a scowl, to which she grinned proudly back.

"Really?"He asked holding it up.

"Could be worse, could be an 'I Heart DH' tank top, or what else do they call them, 'wife-beaters', but I thought to myself that you lost enough dignity with that crap earlier in the year." She laughed. Tom looked at the t-shirt in his hands and nodded, knowing there was actually some truth in that statement. "It's actually sort of funny." He grinned, looking at the t-shirt which had a picture of a pencil saying 2B, then an 'R' a picture of a knot and another pencil saying 2B.

"Glad you like it." She smiled, kissing his cheek and walking off. Tom frowned for a moment, looking at the t-shirt as he did. A few moments later Danielle came back into the room and began to laugh. "You poor thing, you honestly thought that was the second half of your present." she got out between fits of giggles. "You are so cute." Tom gave a bemused grunt in return. "Here." she smiled, handing him a small bag.

"So this isn't the present?"

"No, you twit. I just did that to get a funny reaction from you." She laughed. "Open your real one."

Tom opened the bag, took out the little box inside and frowned. "I..."

Danielle grinned. "I took time off from paperwork a few days ago to get a fresh coffee and you were on the phone ranting to someone about how hard can it be to find one decent pair of cufflinks to match your burgundy suit, that you searched everywhere." She smiled. "So, due to no designer having one to match, because of the shirt, you were going to have to try and scrap the idea to wear it, but you were effectively dying to wear, so I thought if I got something that would match it, you would be happy, since you like it."

"I....I was not ranting."

"You were being your version of it, you don't rant like others do." She grinned. "I know it's not as nice as anything you got me, but I wanted to get you something that actually had a use, they are personalised" She smiled, showing the engravings of 'TWH' on them. "And there is one last thing." she reached into the bag and took out a little envelope in the bottom of it, handing it to him.

"Is this another spa weekend?"

"Nope."

He took it and opened it, as his eyes skimmed the lines and he processed the words, his brow raised, "Really?"

"Yep."

"That's absolutely wonderful, exactly what I wanted." Tom beamed, folding over the piece of paper again. "And thank you for the wonder cufflinks, I am so delighted with them. You are too good."

"I know, I know." She laughed in false modesty.

"So, when do I get to see the item that this receipt is for?" He asked cheekily.

"Well, it was going to be tonight, but considering," She looked at her wrist. "It's sort of hard to pull off sexy underwear when you are wearing this."

"Well, I mean, your left hand is still functional..." He grinned.

"Tom!" She laughed. "Incorrigible."

"Oh, darling, that is nothing new." He gripped her ass as he leant down to kiss her again. "I am dying to eat you up."

"Okay, throw some cold water on this, right now," Sarah ordered as she walked into the room. "Dinner is ready, so come on Elle."

"What about me?" Tom asked indignantly.

"You need to make sure you can walk into a room with our mother and my daughter present before you consider coming back over." She made minor hand gestures to him without looking at specific areas. "And the best way to do that is to remove the eye-candy."

"I have too many strong women in my life, I'll never catch a break." Tom shook his head, embarrassed by his sister's comments.

"Nope." Both women responded simultaneously before they looked at one another and laughed, then left the room. Tom followed after grumbling to himself.

*

"I am stuffed." Jack declared as they finally finished the pudding. "Where are Elle and Tom?"

"Commandeered by the Duchess to watch a DVD I think," Yakov answered. "Elle got her Zootopia for Christmas, so she is demanding that Elle stay with her and watch it, and Tom seemed interested in joining them."

"I haven't seen that it's up for a load of awards so it has to be good." Emma grabbed the last of her wine and rushed to the sitting room before she missed anything. "Ooh, it's just starting."

Diana looked at the washing up for a moment. "I'll help you with that later mum, come on." Sarah smiled, knowing what her mother was thinking. With a nod, the two women grabbed their own drinks and followed.

"I think we are watching Zootopia." Yakov chuckled, grabbing his drink.

"It would appear so." Jack agreed.

The sitting room was considerably packed with seven adults and a child, but on seeing they were being joined by the rest of the family, Tom got up from where he was sitting and went to Danielle, taking her out of the armchair she was sitting in before sitting down himself and pulling her down on top of him. The pair getting comfortable again immediately. Diana was the only adult to get any bit of comfort as the others found different ways to fit in the room, Sarah instructed her daughter to get her beanbag from her room to relax on the floor with. In five minutes, everyone was watching the movie and relaxing.

"She's unconscious." Yakov pointed to his daughter at the end of the movie.

"Since half an hour in," Tom informed him.

"So why did we still watch this?"

"Because it's good." His wife stated. "Get her up to bed."

"It's only half eight."

"She had the house up at six, I think it is safe to say she is tired." Emma reminded her brother-in-law.

"Tom." Yakov requested. Danielle got to her feet to let Tom off the chair. Between the pair, they gently were able to manoeuvre her into her father's arms and upstairs to bed.

"What about her pj's?" Tom asked as Yakov put her into Tom's old bed since Tom had said she could take the room while he stayed in Elle's.

"She'll wake then, we'll just take off her shoes and she will be comfortable, that's all we have to worry about." He stated, doing as he said and placing the covers on his daughter. "Do you honestly not mind taking her for the conference?" He inquired when they had left the room.

"Danielle was going to mind her here, but in London, there is so much for her to do. She will have a great time, and regarding suggesting it, I wouldn't do so if I did not want to see her. I barely get any time with anyone these days, I have to take what I can get."

"You will be a good father, someday."

"Just someday?" Tom asked, slightly hurt at Yakov's words.

"You spoil her too much, wait and see, my daughter will be sugar filled and spoiled the entire time at your house."

"Elle won't allow that."

"Look me in the eye and tell me you will not sneak her some sweets when Danielle is not looking because I know you enough to know you will. Sarah told me of that time in your cousins where you stole the entire cake."

"Sarah saw nothing, snitch." He growled, not liking that his sister was still reminding him of his childish messing.

"Who's a snitch?" Danielle asked as the two men reentered the sitting room, the three other women gone.

"Sarah."

"Older siblings, I hear that's a trait of them alright." She smiled, getting out of the chair.

"Where are mum and the girls?" Tom asked.

"Kitchen, doing dishes."

"And you're in here?"

"I was booted out because I kept trying to help. I have a fracture, not an amputation," She declared indignantly.

Tom chuckled and kissed the side of her head. "I'll give out to them for you, shall I?"

"You, give out to your mam? I need to watch this." she walked passed him into the kitchen.

"Out you get, you are not to be trusted," Sarah ordered.

"See what I mean," She turned to Tom. "I'm not wanted."

"You keep trying to use your hand," Sarah stated in defence.

"Well, if she is not wanted, we are going to bow out," Tom stated his arm around Danielle's waist. She looked at him offended. "She is still not caught up on sleep and is recovering from injury, so I am taking her home." He pulled her to the door.

"You are trying to get out of your portion of the cleaning up." Emma pointed out.

"Yep, and this is the perfect excuse," Tom grinned.

"You are on duty tomorrow so," Diana ordered before something caught her eye. "Elle..."

Danielle figured out what caught her eye. "Tom found it and got it for me for Christmas." She beamed, pulling the necklace out properly to show her. "Just like mam's."

"It's perfect." Diana smiled, noting the happiness in both her son and his girlfriend's features. "What else did he get you?"

"A book I have been searching high and low for, bath bombs, and a gorgeous scarf."

"What did you think of Elle's presents?"Sarah smiled.

"You are not stealing my spa weekend." Tom declared, having been warned by Danielle of what Sarah had said.

"Well use it so," Sarah warned. "Did you give him the t-shirt?"

Elle began to laugh, "He honestly thought that was a proper present. It was so funny, he looked so dejected."

"Poor Tom." Sarah laughed. "And the cufflinks?"

"Perfect," He grinned.

"Who would have guessed I had such good taste?" Danielle grinned.

"Anyone that has seen that hidden section of your wardrobe knows you have taste, you actually just need to wear something other than jeans and hoodies for fifteen minutes to see it." Emma joked, flicking sud bubbles at her.

"You make that sound so dodgy, I don't have a hidden section in my wardrobe, it is just towards the back."

"Narnia is closer than those clothes, I said it a thousand times, you need to wear them more, they are really nice on you."

"I don't like dresses, you know that." Danielle dismissed. "Anyway, I am going to bed, I am seriously tired," She walked over to Diana and hugged her tightly. "Thank you for dinner, and letting me invade your home for another Christmas."

Diana swatted her arm gently. "Stop it, you know I could never leave you over there by yourself at the best of times, this year even less so. I think Tom would have boycotted dinner if I did, not that I ever could." She cupped the younger woman's face in her hands. "You mean so much to us, darling; all of us."

"Thank you." Danielle smiled and when she turned to Tom again her brow furrowed. He and Sarah seemed to be silently discussing something with facial expressions.

"Is there something you two wish to share with the rest of the room?" Diana asked in a motherly scolding manner.

"Sarah knew about something I had planned to ask Danielle over Christmas and was wondering if I chickened out," Tom explained. "Elle never mentioned it, so Sarah thought it had been either shot down or not asked, the answer is neither." Danielle looked at him curiously. "The key."

"Oh, right."

"Key?"

"I asked Danielle to stay with me in London rather than a hotel while she is working there for the next few months," Tom explained.

"So, wait, now you're moving in together? After what, three months?" Emma asked in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?"

"Emma!" Sarah snapped.

"Tom doesn't live with people, he gets pissy after a week sharing this house, his home with others, much less someone from outside it."

"Well, we lasted nearly three before this and no issue," Tom interjected, Emma stared at him, confused. "Elle has been in my house in London for the past what, two and a half weeks, and we are staying together here too, and there has been no issue, we are actually very comfortable around one another, so I asked her to bring Mac and stay with me in London." He took a step forward, his anger rising. "If you actually meant any of your apology, then you would be happy about this, Elle will be a forty minute Tube journey away from you, meaning you could actually meet up more."

Emma swallowed hard. "Em," She turned to face her friend. "I know you're still not comfortable about all of this, but..."

"It's not my business." Emma declared. "I, um...I need to go to the bathroom, excuse me," she walked out of the room without a backwards glance, causing everyone to say nothing for a moment.

"I think it a good idea." Diana smiled, as though nothing had occurred. "Sensible, and who knows, if there is one woman in the world that can train Tom in the art of a washing machine, it's you," Diana stated to Elle.

"Wait, you still can't use your washing machine, how have you been washing your clothes?" She asked him.

"Dry cleaners," Tom stated as though very obvious.

"Well, that's about to change." Danielle declared, much to Tom's concern. "Come on, before I get annoyed enough at that little tidbit of information to do a lesson here and now about it. Good night."

"We'll see you both tomorrow, good night." Diana smiled, watching as they went through the two gardens to Danielle's.

Tom left the door open long enough for Mac to come back in after going to the bathroom before closing and locking the door and following Danielle upstairs. On reaching her bedroom, he noticed her sitting on the bed and staring at something in her hands. "Do you regret it?" He suspected what it was she was looking at.

Danielle placed the key on her nightstand and took off her clothes and got into bed, Tom following suit. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"This necklace, did you only get it because it was like my mothers?"

"I don't follow."

"When the store clerk told you it was a Celtic love knot, you researched it, didn't you?" Tom nodded. "It that make you feel odd or anything, getting me something with such a meaning?"

"It was odd, sure."

"Not exactly a word I wanted to hear you say."

Elle, I want this to work, and it is not going to if I am always overbearing."

"Tom..."

"When he explained it to me, he told me what it meant, and I thought to myself that yes, I now want to get this for you for two reasons, happy?" He asked, slightly flustered at having admitted that. "I knew your parents were married a long time, and I hoped getting you that would perhaps be a good omen for us and this relationship." Danielle looked at him, her face emotionless. "Is that the sort of answer you were looking for?" He waited, somewhat fearfully, for her answer.

Danielle remained silent for another moment before leaning over and kissing him chastely. "I love you, Tom." She declared quietly before kissing him again more passionately. Tom, for his part, kissed her back, before pulling her against him.

[geekofmanyforms]

New Beginning

Chapter Four

***This chapter has been edited by my Beta, Casey. Please leave her some love for all of her hard work in the form of some reviews.***

It had been four days since I had spoken to either Salvatore. Not surprisingly, they had been easy to avoid. Seeing as I'm not my sister, their constant attention isn't necessary. I would sincerely like to bottle whatever is in the blood of the Petrova's, I could rule the world with that shit. Just like Katherine, Elena had everyone wrapped around her finger and fighting for her safety. Hell, she even has a Bennett witch on her side.

Although, things have been going a little pear-shaped for Elena here lately. She's started to pick up on small stuff about Stefan — details of his life that don't make sense. With my sister distracted and in her own little Salvatore bubble, I was able to deal with my issue with the elder Salvatore without intrusion.

Over the past few days, Damon had started playing with Caroline, acting as if she were his personal pop machine. I've been seeing less and less of her — and that was something I needed to take care of. He should know better than to mess with my friend.

Staring ahead at the large white house in front of me, I narrowed my eyes. I could feel my bubbly friend was alone inside and was glad; I didn't want to see anyone else right now. The rustling of the trees behind Caroline's house caught my attention, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of the light breeze as it swept past me, rustling my hair around my face in a whirl of red. I could smell the wet grass from the rain that had spilled overnight and was grateful for the small modicum of peace the familiar scent gave me.

I stepped up onto the porch of the Forbes residence. There was more reason than just my anti-social mood this morning for waiting to come here until Damon left. I didn't want to reveal myself to him just yet. After everything that had happened between myself and the two brothers, I just wasn't in the mood for any more Salvatore drama. For now, that could remain my sister's forte.

It only took my blonde friend a second to answer the door. Her face was pale and peckish. A long white bandage covered the left side of her neck; the sight made my stomach roll. Her blue eyes widened and then narrowed as she took me in. Before she could shut the door in my face — something the healthy Caroline would have never done to me — I slammed my hand against her door, a harsh smile on my face.

"Hey, Carebear. You've been avoiding me," I said with slight annoyance.

It was true —since Damon picked her up at the Grill, she's avoided me. She's even gone as far as blocking my phone calls, no doubt Damon's compulsion was to blame. He was probably hoping I wouldn't catch him using my friend as an all you can eat buffet. Caroline feigned laughter, looking at her feet as she stepped aside, obviously knowing she was between a rock and a hard place. She knew now that I had her in my sights, and there was no turning back. I can be just as stubborn as she can, especially when it comes to those I love.

"I don't know what you're talking about, girl, I've just been busy with my new man," she said, pulling her hair over her shoulder to hide the bandage, brushing the strands between her fingers nervously.

She backtracked towards the hallway, blue eyes watching me with unease as I nonchalantly took in my surroundings, hands tucked in my jacket pockets. When she saw that I wasn't going anywhere, she let out an aggravated huff and turned around, tracking back towards the other end of the house, presumably to finish getting ready. I waited until she headed to her bedroom before I stepped into the kitchen.

"I'm going to grab a bottle of water!" I shouted down the hall.

I headed for the sink where the water filter system was attached to the spout. I reached into my jacket pocket and took out a little black leather pouch of vervain, sitting it on the counter beside me. Very carefully I took out the water purifier's filter and added a small chunk of vervain, layering it over the screen so that the water could still seep through it. Releasing a sigh, I shook my head, now all I had to do was make sure I'm the one to change the filter whenever it needed it, which wouldn't be too hard considering how often I'm here.

After I put everything back together, I turned on the faucet, allowing the water to run for a moment so that I could make sure the vervain wasn't causing any issues. Once I was satisfied I hadn't screwed anything up, I took a bottle of lemon water from the fridge and headed to Caroline's bathroom and repeated the process. When I had finished with all the filter systems, I even went as far as to add ground vervain to their coffee. I was sure they'd never notice, and now both she and her mother would be drinking vervain every day. I had read in the Gilbert family journals that Liz Forbes was in the know about everything supernatural, so I was almost certain she was already on a daily dose of vervain - but I couldn't be positive, so better safe than sorry.

For the last part of my plan, I headed back into Caroline's room, where she was still getting ready for the day. She stood in front of her vanity, curling her long blonde hair.

"Hey Care, I got you a gift,"

She turned her head quickly at my bubbly demeanor. Her pink, freshly glossed lips parted with a gasp. "What? You didn't have to do that!" she jumped in excitement.

I pulled out the small gold pouch I had in my other pocket. Inside was a delicate silver bracelet with a little heart locket dangling from the end. The pendant was sealed with vervain. That way, I would always know she had something to protect her. I placed it on her wrist and smiled brightly at my best friend. I would protect her for as long as I could.

"Omg, Ellie bean! This is gorgeous with a capital G!" she squealed, delighted by the smell of her charm.

"What is that? Rose?" she asked, lifting her wrist to her nose.

She inhaled deeply, eyes fluttering closed. I hugged her and nodded; she didn't need to know what it was.

"Just promise you'll wear it always. It's like a best friend bracelet,"

I showed her my wrist where I wore an identical bracelet — minus the vervain. For some reason, I've never needed vervain to protect me. I couldn't be compelled. I've never found out why, but I'm certainly not complaining.

I took Caroline's curling iron and finished off a few curls for her in the back, while she put on mascara.

"So, you need a ride to school?" I asked.

"Yeah, that would be great. Damon had to leave early today," she said, fidgeting with a purple neck scarf.

I ignored the mention of my asshole of an ex. The situation with Caroline had shown me exactly how much he had changed. I followed her outside and hopped into my car. Once she had joined me, I drove us both to school, smiling at the idea that Damon would soon realize he could no longer play with my Caroline. I'd make sure I was there for the reveal, just in case he thought of hurting her. Caroline played with her new bracelet's pendant, smelling it over and over again with a smile on her glossy pink lips. Every time she did, a smile of my own would grace my lips, mine one of much less innocence.

I parked beside Elena in the school parking lot. She stood by her car, speaking with Bonnie. Before I had completely stopped the car, Caroline jumped out and sped past both of them. Bonnie raised her hand, Caroline's name on the tip of her tongue, her eyelashes fluttering in confusion — avoiding her friends must be apart of his compulsion. What an idiot, it only makes everyone more suspicious.

"Hey El, what's Caroline's problem?" Elena asked me, her dark hair fluttering in the breeze.

My sister's perfect dark hair fluttering in the breeze, made me want to dump my bottle of lemon water over her head. I shrugged my shoulders for dramatic effect and took a long sip. Shaking her head and turning away from where Caroline had disappeared — much like a female version of Batman, Bonnie turned back to Elena, forest green eyes hesitant.

` "Listen, Elena, I'm not saying you shouldn't date the guy. I'm just saying take it slow," she said.

I caught on quickly, understanding Bonnie must have had a vision. Witchy powers activate!

Elena sighed deeply. "You were the one who said go for it," she said.

I ignored the rest of their bickering when I saw a familiar spiky head of hair heading our way. His stupid attractive face irritated me to no end; it was too early for brooding vampires. Suddenly finding my converse very interesting, I watched my feet, tapping my toes in an unfamiliar rhythm.

"Good morning, Elena, Elara. Good morning Bonnie," Stefan said, always the proper gentleman. With a resigned sigh, I looked up at him with a quick jerk of my hand, and for a split second, I saw him as I had once known him. My eyes clouded, my back stiffened.

Stefan stood outside of his family home, bowing to me slightly in greeting as I exited my carriage. His brother, Damon— my Damon — smiled at me from beside him.

I felt tears come to my eyes and blinked them away; not quick enough. Stefan's vampire senses must've picked up the slight smell of saltwater. He gave me an odd look but continued speaking to my sister. She was apologizing for Bonnie's swift exit, that I just now noticed myself.

I shook off the memory...or vision...and looked around me to remind myself of the time we were in.

"She doesn't know you. She's my best friend. She's just looking out for me. But, when she does, she'll love you," Elena tried to explain.

Unbeknownst to Elena, Stefan and I knew she never would. When she found out what he really was, she would hate him. It's in her DNA. Witches of nature were predisposed to hate vampires; their very existence is against nature.

"Here's what you're going to do. Are you free tonight?" Elena asked him, suddenly excited.

"Yes."

Stefan's eyes crinkled as he smiled handsomely. Elena grabbed my elbow and yanked me next to her. My arms flailed, causing me to almost drop my water bottle. I frowned at her exuberance, fixing my hair once I'd regained my balance.

"Perfect. Dinner, our house, 8:00 — You, me, Elara, and Bonnie. You two will spend some quality time, and she'll get to see what a great guy you are. Mission accomplished," Elena said firmly with a grin.

I rolled my eyes, earning a smirk from Stefan, who was watching me with humor. He knew me too well, and he also knew what Bonnie was. It didn't matter how handsome or charming Stefan was; she would never be able to see past his affliction.

I pulled away from her, my 'spidey senses' (as I sometimes humorously called them) tingling' something was about to happen. I turned towards the parking lot behind Stefan and zeroed in on Tyler gripping a football in his right hand, positioned to make a long-range throw. I closed my eyes and tilted my head slowly.

"Stefan. The ball," I said, low enough to keep Elena from hearing.

A moment later, a football flew towards us. Stefan spun around quickly and caught it. His face had the definition of shock, obviously curious about how I knew that was going to happen. Along with the force field I had cast on him and his brother, there would be no way I could hide my gift from them any longer. Damn it.

I avoided Stefan's gaze as he tossed the ball back, knocking Tyler backward a few inches. I stepped in front of Stefan and gave Tyler the finger before heading inside. That jackass had made me reveal another one of my gifts. Usually, I could hide the premonitions, but I had spoken without thinking.

Stupid, stupid Elara.

I never allowed him or Damon to see my gifts in the life I had spent with them. If I had, and their father had found out, I would have been burned for witchcraft — well, sooner than I had been.

Now I would be forced to explain everything, and I wasn't sure I could trust Stefan to keep his mouth shut around Elena. I didn't want my family to know the truth about me, my gifts, and my impending doom. They would try to help, no matter how many times I told them they couldn't. It's impossible; no one can help me. I would have to spend my last year in this life fighting against what can't be changed.

That afternoon, I sat in the bleachers on the football field, waiting for Stefan's turn to try out. I was oddly excited to see how well he hid his vampire side, especially since he had pissed off Mr. Tanner with his obvious superiority in history class. I eyed the other side of the field where Elena surprised everyone by showing up for cheerleading practice. As exciting as that was (sarcasm intended), my attention was grabbed by an arguing Caroline and Damon. I smiled brightly and hopped off the bleachers, heading for the parking lot. I caught Stefan's eye and sent him a thumbs up, telling him I would handle it. A few feet from their fight, I saw him grab hold of her arm as his eyes bored into hers. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips, drawing their attention to my approach. He instantly let her go and stepped away.

"Care, can you please give me and your ex here a minute to talk," I said, my voice stiff.

Caroline's ponytail swayed as she nodded quickly. I gave her arm a reassuring squeeze as she passed me. Once she was on the field with the rest of her lively group, I stepped closer to Damon, looking up to meet his gaze. Even with the apparent height difference, his eyes were wary, obviously wondering to himself what I was capable of.

I leaned into him, my mouth near his jugular. I moved my nose against his skin. I wanted the upper hand, and this was the easiest way to throw him off.

"I know how you see me, and you should know, you are sorely mistaken if you think I'm still that shy and passive girl you planned to marry. I have been through a lot since then, and I have been taught by powerful and dangerous people," I said quietly, my breath fanning against his neck. "So, if I were you I'd avoid hurting the people I love. Caroline is one of those people, and I have taken measures to protect her. Your compulsion will not work, Salvatore. So back off."

He brushed my hair from my shoulder, and an involuntary shudder passed through me. He smirked at my reaction, taking it as permission to lean in and kiss me. Before his lips met mine, I reared my fist back and punched him, putting every bit of power I could behind it. He flew back against his car, leaving a sizable dent. I shook my hand out, jumping up and down in pain. Already my skin was turning black and blue.

"What the hell, Elandra!" he shouted in annoyance.

I held my hand close to me, whimpering. I felt a sudden change in the air, and Stefan stood beside me.

"What did he do? Are you okay?" he asked, glaring at his brother.

Damon stood and pointed his finger in my direction, accusingly.

"It was her fault — she should know better than to punch a vampire. Even if she did a good job at damaging my damn car,"

He bent over and looked over his car, running his hand over the damage. Stefan took hold of my hand and pulled it towards him. He ran his fingers over the discolored skin.

"Ow Stefan! Careful!" I whined

Even if I had gone through a lot worse, I tended to be a big baby about pain. Stefan smiled at me and continued to look my hand over. I ignored him and smirked at Damon, who was still looking over the damage to his car.

"You shouldn't have tried to kiss me. We are not together," I said cooly.

He flipped me off and looked around for witnesses before popping the dent out as best he could.

"He tried to kiss you?" Stefan looked at Damon and sighed. "What am I saying, of course, he did. You're... you," Stefan said, more to himself than anyone else.

"What's that supposed to mean Stef?" I said, biting my lip and trying not to move my hand.

Damon looked at my hand once and then at Stefan before jumping into his car.

"Well, it looks like you have this handled, brother. Elandra, always a pleasure," he said, nodding his head at me.

I glared at him as he sped away, leaving me in the care of his brother, yet again. I shuddered at the memory. Stefan must have caught on because his face hardened for a moment before he schooled his features. He looked back towards the field before pulling me into him and speeding off. I closed my eyes as the wind rushed past us. I put my face on his chest and held on for dear life. It was like riding a roller coaster without being strapped in, utterly terrifying.

The wind around us stopped suddenly, and I finally forced my eyes open. We were back at my house...in my room. I pushed away from him awkwardly, realizing how glued to his chest I had been.

"Thank you," I said, clearing my throat.

He snickered at my unease and bit into his wrist awkwardly holding it out to me.

"Here, I doubt you want to explain a broken hand to your aunt or sister. I promise to not be an ass about it this time. I'm sorry about what happened before. That was immature," he said blushing, avoiding my eyes.

I gingerly took his wrist and drank from him before he could stain the carpet. His blood repaired my injured hand quickly, and I moved it around, grateful when it was pain-free. Once I was fully healed, I sat on my bed and motioned for him to join.

"Listen, Stef, I forgive you. Hell, I forgive Damon. I just want you both to know that you need to be careful. I will not allow the people I love to be hurt," I said, keeping my voice firm.

"I will protect the people you and Elena care about. I promise. But we need to talk— I need to know what's going on with you," he said.

I felt his intense stare but refused to look at him. This was the moment I had been dreading. I ran my fingers through my hair as I pulled out my phone, sending Damon a quick text to meet us here. There was no way I was going to do this twice. It took him less than five minutes to blow through my window, a single crow feather falling to the floor below him.

"Your dramatics haven't changed much, I see," I sighed.

His face was stern and emotionless. I'm sure he was preparing to kill me if he thought it necessary. I knew if I told them the complete truth, I'd be fighting for my life by the end of the conversation. So, I decided to keep to the basics. I ignored the fact that Rebekah had also joined us not too long ago. I refused to try to explain my ability to see the dearly departed...or daggered. She smiled brightly just to annoy me. I rolled my eyes at her and stood, motioning for Damon to join his brother on my bed. Once he was seated, I stepped in front of both vampire brothers, my nerves on high alert.

"Okay, I have no clue where to start so bare with me," I said.

"Just start at the beginning baby," Damon said with a smirk.

I ground my teeth at his use of the pet name I had always hated. Should I start from the beginning, or would that give them too much information? I glanced at Rebekah for help.

"You look creepy staring off into nothing, Ellie. Just give them the basics. Don't use names," she warned her eyes stern.

She would know exactly what I needed to leave out, so I choose to listen to her. I cleared my throat and let out a deep breath. I paced back and forth, picking at my nails anxiously.

"Well, a very, very, long time ago I lost my parents. My real parents." I started, taking a seat on my vanity chair after Damon glared at my constant pacing. "I had nowhere to go after their death. They were poor, and my mother was a known witch. A very rare breed of witch at that, so, of course, that didn't make her very popular." I ignored their shocked gazes and looked straight at Rebekah, which to the brothers would make me look like I was staring off into the distance, but I needed her strength. The strength of my sister, the one that had been there from the beginning.

"There was only one person in our village who had ever liked my mother; she had befriended her after she had found out what she was. This woman was a powerful witch of nature. When my mother died, she was the only other witch around — well, apart from me. I had inherited my mother's gift, and I was the last of our kind. This woman took me in and agreed to train me as best she could, seeing as she and I were not the same kind of witch. She had a large family, and they were well respected and wealthy. Though, the father was a total dick." I growled loudly. Stefan jerked, looking at me in shock. I leaned forward and smiled.

"Sorry. It's true, though — he really was," I said with a weak laugh.

Rebekah paled and managed a small laugh. I sent her a sympathetic frown and managed to look away. This story was hard on both of us.

"I managed to make my place in the family by helping with spell work and chores. Her children were kind to me and accepted me. Her daughter and I bonded incredibly quickly. She was my best friend. But another development had occurred as well. I had begun to fall in love with one of her sons. After a few years, he fell for me, as well. He and I loved each other deeply, but, when we decided to come clean about our relationship, we were met with hostility." I stood and walked to the window my back to them. "I was nothing, no family, no place in the village, so, we were denied the right to marry," I said.

A single tear fell at the memory of a human Niklaus. He had been so kind and gentle, even though he was being tortured by his beast of a father, he still showed me, love. I could feel a presence behind me and saw the ethereal form of Rebekah, her hand hovering over my shoulder. I gave her a half-smile and looked back at the men in front of me. Their faces were hard, especially Damon. I fought to cringe at the hint of betrayal in his eyes.

"During the next few months, his mother pushed him and me further apart. I thought she had succeeded." I frowned as my eyes clouded over with memories."Until one day, he found me in the woods alone. I had been picking berries for dinner." I closed my eyes and smiled, turning back around to face the brothers I opened my eyes. "I can still smell them if I close my eyes." I laughed, earning a hard glare from Damon. Rebekah smiled and leaned closer to me.

"When I finally realized he was there, he was already on his knee. He gave me this lengthy, beautiful speech about love. I wanted to refuse him, I knew nothing good would come of it, but I couldn't. I could deny him nothing, I loved him too much, so I accepted. We hid it for a long time. We planned on taking his siblings and running away, starting a life away from his horrible father. That was, until the day his youngest brother died. He was murdered, brutally,"

I looked away again, remembering little Henrik, his smile, his laugh. He was kind and gentle. He didn't deserve the death he received.

"After that, his father talked his mother into creating a spell that would make all of them powerful enough to avenge the boy's death. She enlisted my help, and I felt so bad for the poor boy that I agreed,"

I wracked my brain for a way to end the story without giving away the full truth of what happened next. Damon tried to interrupt me, but I held my hand up for silence, my eyes tired and pained. I took a deep breath and looked at the two men; two vampires who could hold me partially responsible for their existence. I turned my head away from them and looked at Rebekah, she grimaced and nodded her head at me. I sighed and pushed on.

"In the middle of creating the spell, the witch brushed her hand against mine, and suddenly I had a knife to my throat. I don't even remember her moving. It all happened so quickly. We had been left alone to prepare — though even if we hadn't been — I wouldn't have wanted anyone to intervene. If the father had found out, it would have meant watching them being beaten for helping me. Somehow when the witch had touched me, she had seen my connection with her son. She had seen my acceptance of his proposal. I barely noticed when she slid the blade from my neck and into the palm of my hand, stealing some of my blood. The witch told me that after we finished the spell, she would deal with my betrayal. I was afraid but knew there was no sense in trying to run,"

At this point, I was openly crying. The next part of my story was hard to recount, for it was the one memory I did my best not to think about. Stefan reached for my hand, but I jerked it away. I didn't want to hold his hand as I revealed I was partially to blame for their condition, even if they wouldn't know that was the spell I was telling them about. I took in a few deep, shaky breaths.

"After the spell was cast, I stood off to the side, next to the witch while the rest of the family sat at the table. I watched in fear as their father stood — I had no clue exactly what the spell entailed or even did, so when their father shoved a blade into each of their backs, I was in utter shock. I remember my knees smacking the ground as I collapsed in anguish. The man I loved lifted his hand and motioned for me to stay where I was, to not move. So, I did. After the last of his children died, he pushed the blade into his own chest,"

Stefan gasped in shock, and I wiped the tears from my face. Rebekah sat beside me on her knees staring off into the distance, clearly remembering her death — and rebirth.

"What happened, Elandra?" Stefan whispered.

I tore my gaze from the blonde beside me and looked him in the eyes. His face was blurry through my tears.

"The father woke up first, as something he hadn't expected to be. Once he realized the spell backfired, he went crazy. He wanted blood, so the witch offered him mine. She told him it was all my fault, that I had done something during the spell that made it fail. It was a lie, of course; she had dabbled in magic too dark to be predictable, and there is always a price for that. She just wanted me out of the way, she didn't want me marrying her son. The father took me by the hair and drug me into the town where he told everyone I was a witch and in league with the evil that had killed his son. Everyone in town knew of my mother, so they were quick to believe I was a witch, just like her. They tied me to a pyre, and the last thing I remember was the ethereal form of the witch's voice in my head. She laughed at my agony. She explained that the blood she had taken from me had been used in a spell that would make me immortal. That I would live life over and over but never being able to enjoy it. I would be forced to remember every life I lived painfully,"

I shifted, looking down at my hands as I picked at my fingernails.

"But the worst part of her curse was the fact that I would never live past the age I originally died at, 18. I would never grow a day older. So, during every life, I die on my 18th birthday. Always and forever. Those were the last words I heard. The curse took effect just as the fire devoured me," I said, the last few words in the form of a whisper.

Stefan and Damon sat quietly in shock, both their faces pale and lifeless. Damon leaned forward, his elbows on his knees as he shook his head in disbelief.

"I've tried so many times to break the curse, but it never works. I've even found a few friends through the years who have researched and begged other witches to assist me, but I'm older than any witch I've ever met. Even if I technically die and get reborn, my soul is still the same, which makes me the oldest and most powerful witch alive. So, if I've never found a counter curse, then there isn't one,"

My stomach singed at the reminder of what I'll never be able to have; a life. I sat perfectly still as I waited for them to speak. The silence in the room was deafening. After a moment, Damon was the first to speak.

"...Is that why you died in our time?"

"Yes, it is. I died because my time was up. The curse activates on my birthday, and then it leads me to my death. I've tried to resist, but it's impossible, I always lose myself," I explained.

My face was covered in fresh tears. This was the hardest part, trying to help people cope with my impending death. Rebekah sat next to me, a hand hovering above mine.

Damon's face paled even further —- something I didn't think could be possible at this moment — his eyes darting from side to side. Stefan patted him on the arm.

"But...you just turned 17..." he choked out.

I stood up and checked to make sure my door was locked; I had begun to hear people downstairs. I lifted my hand and waved it across my room, mumbling a silencing spell. None of my family needed to know about my visitors.

"So, you're going to die in a year, and you're saying there is no stopping it..." Stefan said.

I almost laughed at the loud sigh Rebekah let out.

"God, were you this slow when we dated?" she asked him.

I hid my smile behind my hand and nodded.

"There is no stopping it. That is why you're not to say a single word to anyone. I mean it!" I said, pointing at them both, my eyes hard.

Damon stood at vampire speed and stepped in front of me, looking me over frantically as if he were afraid my curse was about to activate.

"Have you tried vampire blood?" he asked in a huff.

I sighed lightly and placed my hand on his arm, squeezing gently; the leather of his jacket was cool to the touch.

"Of course I have, Katherine actually fed me her blood. I never woke up once she killed me. I just moved on to the next life," I said.

"Katherine?! You trusted her?" Damon spat angrily, yet still avoiding the fact that she obviously wasn't in the tomb.

I stepped away from his heated gaze the fire in his eyes, making me nervous.

"Yes! But if that's not enough I've been given the blood of several different vampires. It never works, Damon. I've come to the conclusion that the only person who can take away this curse is the person who created it and she is long gone. Even if she wasn't, she'd never help me," I yelled, my face red.

Stefan sat on my bed his head bowed in defeat. He knew the truth and had already accepted it. That was one of the best things about Stefan, he didn't kid himself.

I watched Damon pace back and forth in anger, his hands on his hips, jacket sitting against the tops of his hands.

"Stefan, you should both go. Elena is waiting for you, and Damon is going to drive me nuts with his pacing," I said, hoping to end the conversation.

"No! This isn't going to happen again," Damon yelled, "I won't let it happen again."

Damon disappeared out my window in a flash of black. I jumped back and raised my hands in the air in shock, his sudden abrupt departure surprised me. Stefan stood from my bed and stepped next to me. He kissed my forehead gently and looked out my window where his brother had disappeared, probably to go kill a few people and cool off.

"I'll handle it," Stefan said, following after his brother.

I sat down on my bed and put my head in my hands.

"I'm so sorry my family did this to you," Rebekah whispered.

"Don't start again, Beks. I will never regret meeting you or your family. Even after everything we've been through, you all were the best part of it. Always and forever, Beka. Your mother may have used that against me negatively at one point, but spending the time I have with you since then has more than made up for it. Even if your brother will end up killing us both for not telling him about my curse," I said laughing.

"Yeah, he'll probably wake me up just to dagger me again," she sighed.

I nodded in agreement before hearing my name shouted from downstairs. I waved my hand across the room once more before calling back.

"Be there in a minute, Lena!"

Masterlist

[shaniahnoel]

Everything Has Changed: Chapter 11

Warnings: None?

Word Count: 1874

Master List

Author’s Note: Tbh it’s probably a good thing I’ve never gotten *serious* about writing because if I somehow became published I would be trash at deadlines. AKA... sorry this is so late <3 

There was an odd silence as Riley walked Sweet Pea to the door. Dinner had gone exceptionally well. Ellie had insisted that Sweet Pea sit beside her, which put Riley across from him. When her mother said grace, he looked slightly confused as she took his hand in hers but bowed his head. At first the conversation was slow, but Riley’s mother had a way of warming people up to one another, melting the tension. When they talked about her father, Sweet Pea held his gaze upon her and Riley knew he saw through her every word.

He’d said nothing though and her mother was too concerned with keeping everything running that she didn’t notice. Her shoulders bore the weight of the world and Riley couldn’t bear to add to their burden. Now, however, they were standing at the door, Riley’s hand on the knob. She hesitated, wondering what she should say, if she should say anything at all. His height was no longer intimidating, she realized as she glanced up at him. It screamed strength and radiated protection. The weight of the earlier conversation came upon her again and once again she found herself wrapping her arms around him. This time Sweet Pea didn’t hesitate but gathered her in his arms firmly.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, his mouth tickling her temple.

“For what,” she asked, pulling away from his chest.

“I may get a little… defensive… about the Serpents,” he admitted, looking down.

“A little?”

“The cops hauled us in after the fight. Not one Northsider. Not the idiots with a gun. The Serpents.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“We’re just a bunch of thugs to them,” his mouth curling bitterly around the word thug. “Then there’s Jughead who can’t make up his mind—only wants the Serpents when it’s convenient. We’re not a convenience,” he said with more force, “this is a family, y’know? You can’t be half in.”

He’d curled his hands into fists, pulling the fabric of her shirt into his right hand, reminding her of its presence on her waist. She cupped it with her own, massaging her thumb over the cracked skin and his grip loosened.

“Sorry,” he said again, looking abashed.

“It’s alright; now go, I have to study.”

“Do you need a ride in tomorrow?”

“Wha—oh yeah. Tomorrow’s Thursday, right? That’d be great.” Her voice was a little shakier and she felt her cheeks heating up. There was nothing embarrassing about needing tutoring, she told herself fiercely. Nothing at all.

“Alright, I’ll be here around 7. Phone?”

Sweet Pea took her offered phone and tapped his number in. The small chime from his pocket told her that he’d sent himself a message. As he handed her back the phone, he pulled out his own. He motioned for her to step back, but by the time she realized what he was doing it was too late, the flash went off catching her like a deer in headlights. Sweet Pea laughed as she reached for it, holding it high above her head. Finally, he gestured to her phone.

“Go ahead, even the score.”

“Smile, if you know how.”

Sweet Pea’s scowl was illuminated as the flash went off. Riley laughed, glancing down at the picture. She was sure that he looked angry to the untrained eye, but she could see the laughter that danced just beyond the surface.

“It’ll do,” she said, pushing him to the door. “Now, go away.”

When she turned from the closed door she was startled by her mother standing in the doorway. There was a knowing look on her face, a smirk playing at her mouth. Riley shrugged, feigning obliviousness, and her mother remained silent. Or she did until Riley passed her on the way to the stairs.  

“Y’know he’s a little rough around the edges, but he seems like a nice young man,” she said quietly.”

“Yeah,” Riley nodded with a small smile on her face, “he really is.” Her mother fixed her with a knowing look and Riley groaned.

“I’m too busy to think about dating right now. I must get my trig grade up and we’re reopening the shop tomorrow. It’s just too much right now,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Riley, sweetheart, you don’t need to put yourself to the side for us. What you want still matters,” her mother responded, cupping her cheek and looking at her with sad eyes.

“It’s not just that,” Riley admitted, flopping onto the stairs as she realized this conversation was going to go on longer than she’d wanted.

“This is about your dad,” her mother said, spearing the issue as she sat down. “I realized at dinner, but I didn’t know how you’d feel talking about it in front of Sweet Pea,” she continued, apparently reading Riley’s mind, “If something is wrong I want you to tell me; never feel like you can’t.”

Riley nodded, tears springing forth and she blinked them away rapidly. She opened her mouth a few times, seeking out the words she wanted. “His face is so bruised because the Serpents got into a fight with the Bulldogs over tagging the Southside. It freaked me out so much,” she said thickly, “I just don’t want the people I care about getting hurt.”

Her mother wrapped an arm around her, stroking her shoulder soothingly. “Oh honey, getting hurt is a part of caring. You can’t separate them.”

“I wish Dad was here,” she said into her mother’s shoulder.

“Not too much longer,” she promised.  

A pounding down the hallway made them glance to the other apprehensively before looking towards the source. Ellie was barreling towards them, an oversized piece of paper in her hand. She planted both feet before piercing Riley with an accusatory glare.

“Neither you or Sweet Pea looked at MY picture,” she fumed and Riley bit her cheek to keep composure.

“Riley, I’m shocked,” her mother said, placing a hand against her chest. “How could you not look at this masterpiece?”

Riley quickly converted her laugh into a cough before moving off the stairs to look at the painting. It seemed her sister’s artistic ability fell much in line with her own. Unsure of what she was looking at, she decided to play it safe.

“Miss Ellie, we’ve heard the news that you’ve created a new piece and now here it is, up close and personal. What, if anything, can you tell us about your work,” Riley asked, holding her hand out like a microphone and adopting a sophisticated voice. Ellie giggled, clearly pleased before going on and on about the alien marshmallows and their takeover of the moon. While she rambled, Riley and her mother exchanged a look and Riley knew that to care was better than not.

 The next morning, Riley fluttered around more than usual. Three outfits were strewn about the room, none seeming quite right. She finally slipped the black skinny jeans back on quickly, realizing she had ten minutes left. The grey V-neck was slim-fitting, but the flannel was comfortably loose. Looking for some insulation, she threw on her old leather jacket and checked her phone. Sweet Pea was right on time.

He didn’t say anything as she slid into the cab but glanced towards her in acknowledgement. She would have been offended if not for the coffee in the cup holder and the massive yawn he stifled only a minute later. Surprise, surprise, Sweet Pea was not a morning person. Suddenly Riley felt bad before remembering that he was the one who had volunteered for the early morning drive. They drove on in comfortable silence and he gave her a warmer smile as he dropped her off at the front entrance.

Nearly an hour later, Riley made her way to her locker, wondering what the point had been. Everything he had said hadn’t made a bit of sense—the formulas just weren’t connecting in her head. The clicking of heels alerted her to Iris’ approach and she turned with a grimace. The hopeful smile on Iris’ face dimmed.

“I thought things were good last night, and he picked you up this morning…”

“No, no… Not Sweet Pea,” Riley said, “That’s all great. Or good enough. It’s trig.”

“Oh,” Iris said with a sympathetic look, “Why don’t you ask for a tutor?”

“I’m already getting help sessions,” Riley answered, confused at the mischievous smile Iris wore.

“Only twice a week, though. And no one’s brain works this early. You need afternoon help sessions. I’m sure there’s someone in your class… maybe someone attractive?”

Riley laughed, shooing Iris away from her locker as the morning bell rang. Still, she thought about it as she walked to first period with him. There was no reason she couldn’t ask him to help her. She was sure he’d be willing, but it wasn’t like he had a reputation for trying very hard in class. There was a pop quiz that day which the teacher had, sort of, warned her about. She studied Sweet Pea, trying to see if he struggled over the work.  A cough from the front told her that she’d been staring a second too long. When the end of period bell rang, Sweet Pea looked as though he wanted to ask her something but remained silent. The day passed by and all too soon it was the final bell that rang out.

Her nerves were jumbled as she made her way through the parking lot. It was time to open the shop again. She used the time to walk to prepare herself for what was to come, running through a mental checklist. The garage was only a few blocks away from the school and she was there in no time. As she unlocked the door, she was surprised to find that she could cross the first two items off her list. Someone had repaired the door and the red circle all but faded.

The bell tinkled cheerfully in the stillness of the room. The broom and dustpan laid in the corner of the room and Riley approached it slowly. Part of her felt that, perhaps, her mother had come to clean the shop after over a week of disuse. It cut off half her to-do list which was both blessing and curse. Her stomach turned as she made her way to the door into the garage. This was a moment she’d hoped to postpone. The smell of bleach assailed her nose as soon as the door opened. Her eyes refocused soon after she flipped the lights on, but she blinked a few times to be sure of what she was seeing.

The shop was clean. Top to bottom clean, the floor shining. She walked over to wear the van had fallen. The lift was lowered to the ground, spotless like the rest of the building. There was no bloodstained floor as she’d come to fear. With the entire floor sparkling, she couldn’t even tell where his body had lain. Her mother wouldn’t have been able to clean it this flawlessly, she realized. There wasn’t a hint of who may have cleaned up, but Riley wasn’t altogether surprised. The community loved her father. She took a deep breath and returned to the front room. She could do this.

Taglist:  @ella-full-of-secrets @my-ships-have-sunk@54fangirl@everheart12@inspiredbynewt@poolpartyingwithjaws@southsidesserpent@lynniev @karleedaniels27 @the-greatt-perhaps @lilybellsworld @cherylblossom-deadeye @oldestfairytale

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 19 November 2018

Quick Bits:

Aquaman #42 is a tie-in to the “Drowned Earth” event, following on his skewering at the hands of Poseidon in Justice League #11. Navigating his way through a dead realm is kind of a weird way for Dan Abnett to close out his run on the series, but it’s still a satisfying issue. Great art from Lan Medina, Vicente Cifuentes, and Gabe Eltaeb.

| Published by DC Comics

Batman #59 continues the “Tyrant Wing” arc with Batman acting a little unhinged on Penguin’s tip that Bane is running Arkham from the shadows, continuing his criminal empire to kill throughout Gotham. It’s interesting to see Batman alienate his allies again in his pursuit for vengeance.

| Published by DC Comics

Bettie Page #1 begins a new volume setting up an alien adventure in Britain, building upon the previous series but not requiring it as reading, from David Avallone, Julius Ohta, Ellie Wright, and Taylor Esposito. Bettie Page, paranormal investigator, is still a weird but entertaining remit and this opening issue does a good job of continuing in that vein as Bettie travels to England to investigate the Queen having been abducted by aliens. Ohta’s art also just keeps getting better and better.

| Published by Dynamite

Black Badge #4 employs a unique approach to flashbacks, with a solid spot colour in otherwise black and white image from Tyler and Hilary Jenkins. It’s a neat technique that really makes the scenes stand out.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Bloodborne #7 continues to question the realities and relationship of religion and science, even as the city’s fate becomes bleaker and the disease threatens more and more citizens. While I think I preferred the existential terror of the first arc more, this is still highly enjoyable.

| Published by Titan

Cold Spots #4 delivers a little bit of explanation as to what Grace has been brought to the island to do. I say a little bit, since there’s still a lot left unanswered in this penultimate issue. Gorgeous artwork from Mark Torres. You can almost feel the coldness coming off the pages.

| Published by Image

Cover #3 is some amazing storytelling. Somehow Brian Michael Bendis, David Mack, Zu Orzu, and Carlos M. Mangual are layering more and more into the narrative with each subsequent issue in such a brilliant way that you barely notice how many disparate pieces are being presented. It’s like an intricate tapestry being woven before us. This issue even has a special sequence illustrated by Bill Sienkiewicz of a fantasy story I desperately want to read the rest of.

| Published by DC Comics / Jinxworld

Crimson Lotus #1 begins a new series from John Arcudi, Mindy Lee, Michelle Madsen, and Clem Robins giving an origin story to Yumiko Daimio, one of Lobster Johnson’s enemies and grandmother to the BPRD’s favourite jaguar. It’s good, and an appearance early on from Rasputin just further shows some of the intricacies of the Hellboy universe.

| Published by Dark Horse

Devil Within #2 keeps the creepy factor up as Samantha and Michelle try to get help for Michelle’s possible possession. Excellent moody atmosphere provided by the art from Maan House and Dee Cunniffe.

| Published by Black Mask

Doctor Strange #8 begins “The Price” but it’s really just a continuation of the “Two Doctors” arc, building off the corruption of Strange’s former student. Mark Waid gives us some very interesting developments here regarding who is targeting him, along with Kamma finding out something Stephen wishes she wouldn’t, and the revelation of the location of one of the other gems from Cyttorak that were revealed to exist in X-Men Black.

| Published by Marvel

Evolution #12 ends the second arc with some lies, half-truths, and compelling confessions. The theme of change and mutation that has been evident since the first issue really comes to the fore this issue as some huge changes occur for the cast.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Exorsisters #2 gives more background to how the sisters came about through a deal with infernal powers by their mother. The art from Gisèle Lagacé and Pete Pantazis really is a huge draw.

| Published by Image

High Heaven #3 spends some time with Heather as she deals, kind of, with the loss of both David and Ben. Very weird things continue to go on in heaven with the usual great art from Greg Scott and Andy Troy. The Hashtag: Danger back-up remains funny with the lengths that the team goes to in order to save one of their own, only to have her kill herself again. And the prose pieces nicely round out the entire package.

| Published by Ahoy

Hot Lunch Special #4 delivers the penultimate chapter to not just one of the best crime stories I’ve read in years, but also just one of the best stories I’ve read in years period. Eliot Rahal, Jorge Fornés, and Taylor Esposito have really got something special here, with intriguing characters, an ever twisting plot, and some incredible visual. The layouts for this issue, breaking down the pacing, are just wonderful.

| Published by AfterShock

Immortal Hulk #9 is another staggeringly good issue, with a change for the Absorbing Man as he’s tapped to go up against the Hulk. While I am a little sad he didn’t stay legitimate following his redemption arc in Black Bolt, his development here from Al Ewing is pretty intriguing. Also love the art as the regular team of Joe Bennett, Ruy José, and Paul Mounts trade off pages with guest artist Martin Simmonds. The former illustrating the Hulk and the latter Creel before alternating in the battle between the two.

| Published by Marvel

Infinity 8 #7 begins the third loop “The Gospel According to Emma” from Lewis Trondheim, Fabien Vehlmann, and Olivier Balez. This reboot of the timeline starts off incredibly wrong as the Marshal approached to assist this time turns on the crew and effectively strands them in this timeline. There’s some interesting bits of grave robbers stealing treasure and overtones of the Marshal’s religion.

| Published by Lion Forge / Magnetic Collection

Infinity Wars: Ghost Panther #1 begins the final of these two-issue “Infinity Warps” mash-ups. Like the rest, it is incredibly well done. Jed MacKay, Jefte Palo, Jim Campbell, and Joe Sabino craft a tale merging Ghost Rider and Black Panther, seamlessly blending the two into something magical. The art from Palo and Campbell may well be the best of any of these minis and the art on all of them has been very impressive. Love the design for Zarathos.

| Published by Marvel

Judge Dredd: Toxic #2 has the violence and toxicity spillover as the explosion at one of the waste facilities causes increased fear and tension amongst the scrubbers hired to keep Mega-City One functioning. Paul Jenkins is crafting a tale full of the problems that come with xenophobia and the art from Marco Castiello, Vincenzo Acunzo, and Jason Millet just makes it visceral.

| Published by IDW

Justice League #12 has some really nice art from Frazer Irving for this penultimate chapter of the “Drowned Earth” event. Also, a very interesting revelation from Poseidon when it comes to the invading sea gods.

| Published by DC Comics

Justice League Dark #5 kicks off a new arc dealing with the ramifications of the first one, “The Witching Hour” crossover, and previous unrevealed tales of what happened with Detective Chimp after inheriting the Oblivion Bar. James Tynion IV gives some nice nods to the original Shadowpact series aided by beautiful art from Daniel Sampere, Juan Albarran, and Adriano Lucas.

| Published by DC Comics

The Last Space Race #2 introduces us to another member of the team, giving us a bit of his backstory, and largely making us want to drop him into a deep dark hole and forget that he’s there. Peter Calloway does a wonderful job of making Roger Freeman thoroughly unlikable, it’s kind of astonishing.

| Published by AfterShock

Lightstep #1 is a very different kind of sci-fi tale, mixing almost the feel of the decadence of Rome under Nero or Caligula and the high concept science fiction of a society that measures the class of its citizens by genetic similarity to their progenitor, and thereby assigns how “fast” they live. As I say, different from Miloš Slavković, Mirko Topalski, and Andrej Bunjac. Slavković’s art reminds me a bit Pasqual Ferry mixed with John Watkiss. The story itself somewhat reminds me of Watkiss’ work on John Jakes’ Mulkon Empire. On top of that, it’s part of a broader video game/media franchise from Eipix Entertainment, of which this looks like only the first volley (a novel and video game are forthcoming).

| Published by Dark Horse

The Lollipop Kids #2 continues to be a fantastic and fabulous comic from Adam & Aidan Glass, Diego Yapur, DC Alonso, and Sal Cipriano. The art alone from Yapur and Alonso would be worth the price of admission, but the characters, setting, and overall plot just elevate this beyond a typical kids fantasy type deal.

| Published by AfterShock

Low Road West #3 gets significantly stranger and much more surreal as reality seems to be growing thinner. We’re still not any closer to really understanding what’s truly going on, but it doesn’t really matter. Phillip Kennedy Johnson, Flaviano, Miquel Muerto, and Jim Campbell are telling one hell of a compelling story.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Mae #10 has Mae deal with some stuff in our world before stocking up and returning back to Cimrterén to resume her search for her father. Gorgeous artwork as always from Gene Ha and Wes Hartman.

| Published by Lion Forge / Roar

Marvel Knights #2 sees Matthew Rosenberg and Nico Henrichon join Donny Cates for this chapter, giving a bit of back story on how Banner roped in Castle into searching out the various heroes and leads to a confrontation with Elektra. Still no closer to understanding what happened here, but it does get weirder with a hallucinatory Karen Page. Henrichon’s art is just perfect for telling this story.

| Published by Marvel

Middlewest #1 is a magical debut of this new series from Skottie Young, Jorge Corona, Jean-Francois Beaulieu, and Nate Piekos. It’s a fantasy grounded in the reality of growing up hard in Middle America, with Abel dealing with an abusive father, while just trying to be a kid. But there’s a talking fox and devastating sentient storms. Rather inventive stuff all around. I’m also getting the impression that Jorge Corona should really be a household name. Between No. 1 with a Bullet, Old Man Jack, and now this, he’s been killing it recently.

| Published by Image

Night Moves #1 is a pretty great debut from VJ Boyd, Jordan Boyd, Clay McCormack, Mike Spicer, and Shawn DePasquale. It’s a gritty crime drama with occult overtones, but most of the weirdness is just simmering under the surface so far as the protagonists work to find out what kind of mess they’re in. McCormack and Spicer’s art really capture the feel of the seediness of the story well.

| Published by IDW

Optimus Prime #25 brings it all to a close, with a flashback through Optimus’ life and little vignettes of the various Transformers from John Barber, Kei Zama, Josh Burcham, and Tom B. Long. I’m really going to miss this world. 

| Published by IDW

Pearl #4 is probably the most stereotypical Bendis issue to date, but the dialogue doesn’t tip over into the ridiculous territory. Most of this issue is a conversation between Pearl and tattoo boy, but at least it’s interesting conversation and not random pop culture references repeated as questions.

| Published by DC Comics / Jinxworld

Pestilence: A Story of Satan #5 gives a bittersweet end to this story, filled with loss and sacrifice. It’s kind of fitting considering how bleak both this and the first series have been. Wonderful art from Oleg Okunev, Guy Major, Michael Garland, and Marko Lesko.

| Published by AfterShock

The Punisher #4 may well be one of the bloodiest, most violent mainline 616 Marvel Universe Punisher issues yet as Jigsaw and an assortment of Hydra goons attempt to kidnap Frank from prison. Matthew Rosenberg and Szymon Kudranski are continuing to keep this book moving at a breakneck pace, like an action movie that barely takes any moments to breathe.

| Published by Marvel

Quantum & Woody! #12 brings this volume to a close, with an interesting character study of the brothers at the hands of GATE and X-O Manowar.

| Published by Valiant

Rumble #9 brings “Things Remote” to an end with an epic battle between the Esu and Rathraq’s friends, leading to an interesting realization for Rathraq and what he wants out of life. Stunningly beautiful art from David Rubín and Dave Stewart.

| Published by Image

Shadowman #9 continues the “Rag and Bone” arc as Alyssa and Jack confront Sandria Darque. Gorgeous artwork from Renato Guedes, Eric Battle, and Ulises Arreola. 

| Published by Valiant

Shuri #2 continues the search for Black Panther, while back on Earth the women of Wakanda form a council to figure out how to maintain and administer the nation while he’s missing. Definitely some interesting concepts and character points from Nnedi Okorafor. Phenomenal artwork and layouts from Leonardo Romero and Jordie Bellaire.

| Published by Marvel

Spider-Force #2 is probably one of the bleakest, mean-spirited stories I’ve read in a while. This isn’t a bad thing, but the story’s a bit of a downer as the nature of an irradiated world without hope seems to permeate everything, including characters like Jessica Drew who are normally at least a bit more level-headed. Priest is writing a very dark story, with some complicated characters like Peter’s granddaughter who grew up in the Old Man Logan universe and a Peter Parker who looks like he was abused by Uncle Ben.

| Published by Marvel

Spider-Geddon #4 kind of spoils the need to read Spider-Force #3 out in three weeks, which just kind of adds to the downer feel of that series. This issue turns darker itself with a bevy of betrayals. Christos Gage has kind of stacked the deck against the spiders, I wonder how they’re going to get out of it in the finale.

| Published by Marvel

Stellar #6 concludes the series and it is incredibly messed up. The conflict between Zenith and Stellar is bizarre and perverse, but I don’t really want to go into it more because spoilers would ruin its impact. Joe Keatinge, Bret Blevins, and Rus Wooton have done an amazing job with this series. Highly recommended.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Sukeban Turbo #1 is another series originally published by Glénat Editions in France, translated into English for North American markets. It’s a mix of teenage rebellion, crime, and following a boy band from Sylvain Runberg, Victor Santos, and Shawn Lee. The art from Santos is worth it on its own, very impressive layouts and storytelling.

| Published by IDW

Summit #10 kicks off the third arc for the series and like most of the Catalyst Prime series recently it undergoes a bit of a change in status quo. Val finds out that she hasn’t been hallucinating, but hearing the voice of another of her team that was essentially vaporized during the event, before having her life turned upside down as the government starts hunting her. Amy Chu continues writing the series, while she’s joined by Marika Cresta fully for the art here.

| Published by Lion Forge / Catalyst Prime

Tony Stark: Iron Man #6 begins “Stark Realities” and the launch of Tony’s eScape virtual reality game. Dan Slott, with a script assist from Jeremy Whitley, does a great job of making it feel chaotic at launch, with some ordinary and extraordinary problems occurring. The pissed off griefer is hilarious.

| Published by Marvel

Web of Venom: Carnage Born #1 is an interesting reinterpretation of Carnage’s origin to fit within the new mythology being crafted in the current Venom series, also building off the recent two-part arc there with the Maker, from Donny Cates, Danilo S. Beyruth, Cris Peter, and Clayton Cowles. This is more very entertaining outgrowth of the Marvel Universe from Cates and gives us a quite possibly deadlier Carnage.

| Published by Marvel

West Coast Avengers #4 concludes the first arc in fairly straightforward fashion as the team deals with BRODOK and the women transformed into giant monsters. Some nice little character moments from Kelly Thompson and great art from Stefano Caselli and Tríona Farrell.

| Published by Marvel

The Whispering Dark #2 continues its existential and moral crisis as the squad commits war crimes as they struggle to survive. There’s something off about how everything is happening, in how Christofer Emgård is writing the narration, but I’m not sure if it’s just the in-story reason of the go-pills. It feels like the squad is already in Hell and being judged.  

| Published by Dark Horse

Other Highlights: American Carnage #1, Archie #700, Black AF: Widows & Orphans #4, Black Hammer: Age of Doom #7, Burnouts #3, Days of Hate #10, Dejah Thoris #10, Dick Tracy: Dead or Alive #2, East of West #40, Encounter #8, GI Joe: A Real American Hero - Silent Option #2, Go-Bots #1, Jughead: The Hunger #10, The Long Con #5, Love & Rockets #6, Lucifer #2, Lumberjanes #56, Mars Attacks #2, The New World #5, Olivia Twist #3, Project Superpowers #4, Rick & Morty Presents Pickle Rick #1, Smooth Criminals #1, Star Wars #57, Star Wars: Solo #2, TMNT: Urban Legends #7, Underwinter: Queen of Spirits, Xena: Warrior Princess #10

Recommended Collections: 24 Panels, Accell - Volume 3: Turf Battles, Amazing Spider-Man: Renew Your Vows - Volume 4: Are You Okay, Annie?, Crude - Volume 1, Dark Souls Omnibus, Delta 13, Dungeons & Dragons: Evil at Baldur’s Gate, Flavor, Immortal Hulk - Volume 1: Or is he Both?, Justice League - Volume 1: The Totality, Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man - Volume 4: Coming Home, Resident Alien - Volume 5: An Alien in New York, Spidey: School’s Out, Stray Bullets: Sunshine & Roses - Volume 3, Unnatural - Volume 1: Awakening, Venom - Volume 1: Rex, The X-Files: Case Files - Volume 1

d. emerson eddy wonders if there’s going to be any light in our real darkest hour.

[kindabraveandlittlestupid]

Gamer Girls are kind of amazing. I mean am not saying all girl NEED to be gamers and it's far from a deal breaker for a relationship but having a Player 2 in the household is kind of amazing. I want to come home from work and find a pizza on the table and cutie with a booty sitting on the sofa in PJ’s waiting for me to join her in a game for a bit. Of course, the option of making it Netflix Night or something else is also welcome but I have been (for my whole life) a gamer since the original Sega system up to my custom built PC I use now. And I want to share that with her.

So for all you Game Girls and Wonderful Girlfriends who are willing to try new things to make your lover happy (or reverse relationships where your a Gamer Girl trying to get your Boyfriend or Girlfriend into games). I present you my Co-Op Date Night Video Game List.

Enjoy.

A Way Out

I admit I have not yet played this game but it looks damn good and reminds me a fair amount of Splinter Cell which appeals to me. From what I have seen the voice acting and graphics are on par with Grand Theft Auto and the gameplay seems very clean. Nothing like working together to break out of prison to bring us closer.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ? ? ? ? ? (No idea how hard this will be)

Diablo 1, 2, & 3

The Diablo series has always been a pretty basic point and click approach with spells on the hotkeys and some minor inventory management. As the games went on more playable characters unlocked with each new game. This game would be a fun side by side experience with two PC’s playing as a male and female character out to kill the Devil himself. 

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★★★☆☆ (Gotta teach the hotkey basics)

Don’t Starve Together

The second game on the list I have yet to play. The animation reminds me of something from Tim Burton meeting Invader Zim. Despite the strangely clever art style, I like the concept of the game of running around resourcing to stay alive. This kind of co-op experience is about carrying your weight and working together.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ? ? ? ? ? (I won't ever let you go hungry before me)

Fortnite

I was playing Save the World setting of the game long before most players were hearing about the soon to be released PUBG. I don't know if that makes me cool or incredibly nerdy but probably both. This game is full of action and I prefer the build mode of the other Save the World Game mode which is where I would want to take you. Gathing supplies building a base, fighting a horde of zombies and winning.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★★★☆☆ (I’m not always ahead of the trends but when I do it was Fortnite)

Guitar Hero and Rock Band

An oldy but a goody! Guitar Hero and Rock Band both brought the concert into the family room. I loved those first games but really lost interest fast once the microtransactions pretty much dominated the last couple of games. Nothing like ruining a game by demanding another dollar for a song you like. Regardless of those failings, I would love to find another guitar and mic for us to play together. Don’t worry if you can't sing I can play bass and you can take lead. Slapping the bass man!

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★★★☆☆ (P.S. Don’t let me drum)

Heroes of the Storm

Heroes of the Storm is kind of a Blizzard grab bag exploring the DOTA setting. I can't imagine us playing this long term unless we REALLY get into the game and spend some pay to play cash to unlock some characters for her early on. I met a few girls in my life who played games like this and all of them have been amazing people, I hope to do this with my S.O. in the future.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (A bit more skill based but still very much friendly to new players)

Keep Talking Nobody Explodes

The only VR game on the list but a fun one that requires for two people to work together to defuse a bomb. The first person gets a binder full of paper to read off of and the other has the VR goggles on with the remotes waiting to defuse the bomb. I imagine if you’re really shit communicator this might be a hard game to play but then again it can help you work on that, can’t it?

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆ (I hope we have good communication skills)

Left 4 Dead 1 & 2

Simple enough to learn and control, the hard part is knowing when to save my ass from a smoker drag or engaging the zombies in an effective way that we don't get punched to death. There is always one female character to play as so you won’t ever be without a lady to play as unless you’re one of those weird girls who likes Ellis. I don’t get it.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (Get to the Chopper!)

Lego Games

Far from challenging collection, Lego Games are known to be kid-friendly. Kid-friendly also means new gamer girlfriend friendly. I don’t mind getting silly with lego games to get you into gaming in general. Thus it sits on this list!

NOTE: Got tons of options like Jurassic Park, Batman, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Marvel, Pirates of Caribbean, and more...

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ (Silly rabbit Legos are for kids!)

Life is Strange

Apparently, this game is amazing and it operates like Telltale Games where choices matter. From my understanding, if you like Riverdale then this sort of plot is right up your alley, which is great for young women who love that show. I am more of a Sabrina fan myself but you do you.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ? ? ? ? ? (As seen on Tumblr!)

Mariokart

Mariokart is a game that can ruin relationships. I imagine I might sleep on the sofa if you blue turtle shell me at the end of the tace and your butt is something far lower then second place. I personally prefer the arena battles with the balloons but I am simply old school like that when I still had a third arm from my chest for the N64 console. 

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ (I hope we have good communication skills)

Minecraft

Minecraft and the Sims are the only two games you can play without the other person being there and that being perfectly ok. I mean Sims you have to with it being single player but if you had an afternoon on Minecraft without me I wouldn't be angry with the progress you made. It really is a relaxing game unless you’re out at night and hear a sudden his sound that blows out the wall of your house.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ (Thop Thop Thop Thop Pop)

Overcooked 1 & 2

Overcooked is an insanely fun game about cooking. It requires people to follow instructions and get into a flow of handling jobs in the kitchen. If done right it can be a really rewarding experience. If done wrong... well people start getting loud with one another.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ (Why didn’t anyone wash the dishes?!)

Overwatch

This would be interesting, I know the female gamer community is growing and certain games have a draw. I pleasantly surprised that there seems to be a large number of gamer girls who enjoy Overwatch or maybe I am projecting the cosplay community. Either way, I want to be your Solider 76 and have you be my healer keeping me upright and fighting. Maybe I will dress up as your favorite male character later. *wink*

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (Tracer has a nice butt, there I said it)

Payday 1 & 2

Payday is a pretty forgiving game in the sense that the bank robbers are pretty much bullet sponges who are kind of hard to kill. The real fun is taking a bank without anyone knowing that we are doing it. With some fun female characters to play as I think we can have a good old time taking hostages and emptying vaults out together.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (Gonna steal you some diamonds)

Portal 2

Portal is 1 part first-person shooter, 1 part logic puzzles and 1 part rewiring your brain to think in Portals. The game isn't very high stress but does require some skill for the later levels and some experience with first-person controls. I would save this game last for this list to make sure we are on par for our skillset to handle the struggle that is Portal 2.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (Teamwork makes the dream work)

Resident Evil 5 and Later

This game isn't really hard as it is the controls are kind of crap. The stand and shoot principal of Resident Evil really brought down the quality of the early games like the camera angles. That said it was an early co-op with the kinda cute interracial duo that makes you think (they be a hot couple). I kinda want to revisit this game along with some of the other later games and play with my lover once she is comfy enough playing video games with me.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ (I got your back honey)

Stardew Valley

Stardew Valley is a really simple looking game that is surprisingly good by keeping you busy with well... busy work. One improvement to the game was the Multiplayer Update/Beta that allowed 2 people to work on a farm together. I really love the idea of building a home with my SO and playing side by side for an hour or so every day making our lives a little better, well in a digital sense.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆ (Lets farm together boo)

State of Decay 2

We need to be ready for the inevitable zombie apocalypse. This game allows us to build our own survivor and explore a town, house by house raiding for supplies like ammunition, medicine, food, and so on. I think a little teamwork goes a long way in making us grow closer don’t you think?

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆ (All about survival)

Super Smash Bros.

Anyone who knows me I have issues with Mario despite the fact he made this list twice. Super Smash Bros. gets a seat on this list mostly because of how user-friendly the game is and how fun 4 player co-op can be. I mean... if we were swingers on Date Night that fills the other two spots but since it's you and me we can smash all night long just the two of us.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ★ ☆ ☆☆ (Great ‘Party Game’ and fun for ‘Button Smashers’)

Telltale Games

Pretty much story time for couples where we sit down with some popcorn and take turns doing some minor walk around with characters and making quick story-altering choices together. Imagine the excited screams as we aren't sure which option to pick while playing the Walking Dead! There are so many Telltale Titles to consider playing from Game of Thrones, TWD, Batman, Guardians of The Galaxy, Fables, and Back to the Future so we wont be bored anytime soon.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ☆ ☆ ☆☆ (Stress might spike for tough story choices)

The Sims

The Sims have been around since the late 90′s and captured the imagination of boys and girls across the country alike. While the game is not a ‘co-op’ per say managing a family together on one PC is doable and can be kind of rewarding. I just hope she doesn't remove the ladder by the pool and down my virtual avatar.

Learning Curb for Significant Other ★ ☆ ☆ ☆☆ (Real Simple Stuff Here)

Honorable Mentions

Far Cry 5 - Not the best game but still gives us an open world to discover. Advanced players only.

Ghost Recon: Wildlands - Another open world game to fight the drug cartels. You can create a pretty cute female on this game too.

The Division - Do I have something against open world games? No just Ubisoft games that may be too hard for a new gamer to play.

Splinter Cell: Blacklist - Fuck I miss these games. Splinter Cell was the perfect Co-op Stealth game. We will revisit this one if we burn through the list.

Fable 3 - Chicken Chaser? Do you chase chickens? Fable was a memorable game but way to limited for the years it was being produced. I want to revisit this series soon.

Fallout 76 - Still pretty fresh but still Co-Op able. I have mixed feelings on the game but the character customization might be good for making ourselves in game.

Starcraft 2 - This game has a co-op hero mod perfect for building bases and completing missions. The learning curve is higher for strategy games but it makes the list for fun co-op.

Wrap Up

I scribbled most of these games down myself but when I decided to see what other games couples played, I was pleasantly surprised to find most of the games I wrote were also on their lists. I did cannibalize a few other online lists (such as Resident Evil 5, A Way Out and Don’t Starve Together) but most of my content was original thoughts on my end that other people also saw the potential in (honest to god it was the Overcooked game that inspired me to write this). I like to keep this post as a reminder to myself of what I want to do with my girlfriend or maybe one day my kids (assuming they want to be my player 2 and kill some zombies with their old man). Either way I can't wait to do either and I missed anything that you think should be on this list let me know.

As always thanks for reading.

Regards, Michael California

[androgynousace]

These Things We Deserve ; excerpt

Ellis was starting to get a little annoyed at Spencer, who, for some unknown reason, had begun to avoid him whenever possible, hurrying away whenever they shared the same space for over a second. He felt as if he'd done something wrong and he really wanted to know what, he thought Spencer was the type to talk things through, not whatever this was.

So, one morning he knocked on Spencer’s door, early enough that Spence hadn't left for his morning classes yet, as evidenced by the shuffling about that could be heard from within as he got ready.

“Spence, can we talk?” Ellis asked, keeping his voice soft, it was too early for annoyance and anger.

There was a pause.

“Do we have to?” Came the reply.

“No. Not if you don't want to,” Ellis admitted, sighing quietly as he leaned against the doorframe. “But could you at least tell me what I've done wrong?”

“You haven't done anything wrong.”

“It doesn't feel like that. You're avoiding me Spence, it's like you can't stand to be in the same room as me.”

“I—” Spencer hesitated in his answer before going quiet altogether.

Ellis decided to wait it out, if he didn't say anything more then he'd leave it at that, he didn't want to pressure him into talking, he knew how bad he was having personal conversations at the best of times. But just as Ellis was about to wander back into his own room, the door unlocked, revealing his bespectacled friend, his hair a mess as always.

“You alright?” Ellis asked.

A nod was given in response, before Spencer heaved out a sigh, gesturing for Ellis to follow him back into his bedroom, which he dutifully did.

Upon entering, he immediately noticed the brightly coloured flowers that were scattered around the room and he felt a sense of warmth in his chest. These were all flowers Ellis had gifted Spencer over the course of their friendship, they never meant anything more than Spencer wanted them to mean, but he appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

“I didn't have the heart to throw them away,” Spencer commented upon noticing where Ellis’ gaze had strayed. “Even though they're sorta starting to take over my room.”

“Y'know, we could always donate some to the botany department if there's too many,” Ellis suggested with a quiet laugh, running a hand over his shaved head. “Or you could just ask me to stop being a sap and giving you so many flowers.”

Spencer shook his head, a smile on his features, but the tinge of sadness that lingered within it reminded Ellis of the issue at hand and he decided to sit on the edge of his bed, watching Spencer pace back and forth between the window and his bed.

He was nervous. Worryingly so.

Ellis suddenly had an idea of what might’ve been happening.

“Hey, uh… Spence, if this—” he gestured to the flora that decorated the corners of the room, “—if I’m making you uncomfortable with the gifts and the things I say then I'll stop, you know that, right?”

Spencer mouthed an inaudible 'oh my god’ before shaking his head adamantly, his cheeks flushed red at the mere mention of the topic.

“It’s not… that.” Spencer stated. “I like the gifts, they're sweet and I'll be honest, if I didn't have these to water everyday I'd probably forget what day it was. They keep me grounded.”

Ellis felt himself relax, slightly more comfortable that he knew that he wasn't the cause, or at least, that particular aspect of their friendship wasn't the cause.

“So, what is it then?”

“Do you think what we do might have side effects?”

“What we do?” Ellis repeated, his brows creased in confusion. “You mean like magic?”

Spencer nodded.

“Well, yeah. You, for example, you're a necromancer. You mess with the dead, that could have a lot of ethical side effects, like that court case you were telling me about a few weeks ago? About that family who sued a necromancer for causing emotional suffering to their son's spirit by resurrecting him and 'harassing’ him about his murderer.”

Spence looked a little surprised at the answer given.

“You remembered me talking about that?”

“Yeah, of course. When you're passionate about something, I listen. I might not always understand what you're on about, but I'll listen.”

Spencer smiled, this time it was genuine and he made the decision to join Ellis on the bed.

“As sweet as that is, I meant physical side effects, like…” Spencer began pulling up the sleeve of his right arm until Ellis spotted what was definitely a cause for concern. Instead of normal, healthy skin, Spencer's upper arm had practically rotted away to the point that the bone was visible. “I think it's because I'm a Necromancer… punishment for meddling with things humans have no right to.”

[burgeonmeraki]

20 Random Things You Don’t Know About Me

Hi guys! I thought I would do something a little fun, humiliating (LOL), and different on my blog today and share 20 things you might not know about me. I get it. As a reader, I, too, love learning a bit more about the people I read. So here goes!

1. I have this weird habit where I want my feet warm especially at night before I go to sleep. I usually put some lotion on it and then put my socks on. And if there are no socks, I put a pillow under my feet, like I'm a mermaid LOL. Weird, I know! But it prevents me from having leg cramps in the morning. 

That is my trophy for the singing contest. This picture was taken 2010, and I couldn’t find my trophy anymore so deal with that picture. Just kiddin’ 

2. I won first place at a singing contest at a talent show back when I was in kindergarten. I sang this 90s hit song My Heart Will Go On By Celine Dion. And I believe that if my parents put me or enrolled me in a voice lesson, girl, I could've been a singer today, and I might be joining singing contest like The Voice. But I only do the singing thing at the shower and karaoke. Hahaha

Left Pic: My oldest brother wasn’t there because he was working abroad Right Pic: My oldest sister is living in Canada, and my older brother is living in South Korea. My mom was holding her phone because that's them on the videocall.

3. I was supposed to have six siblings so that would make us a total of seven. I had an oldest sister, supposed to be the second child, who died because of some complications in her heart when she was still a newborn. Next is my Ate Jaz, which makes her my oldest sister alive. Then after Ate Jaz, my mom had a miscarriage. Basically, my Ate was in between two dead babies. And if ever my two siblings were alive today, I might not be here or I probably don't exist. I have such a huge age gap with my siblings because my mom had me at the age of 38, and she said that I was her only child who made her pregnancy and giving birth so hard. I was born via C-Section and the rest of my siblings were all delivered normal. So, lucky me for being here! LOL

My collection of Candy Magazine back in High School.

4.  Back in High School, I used to collect Candy Magazine until first-year college. This magazine helped me with all my teenage issues like self-esteem, body image, peer pressure, beauty, fashion, dating, friendship, career, etc. They have a bunch of articles there that I enjoyed reading. And I've always wanted to be one of their models, but I was an ugly duckling, and I'm not the confident type of girl back then. I still kept these magazines inside my sentimental box. 

This is my box full of photos, letters, diaries, and other stuff.

5. Speaking of the sentimental box, I'm a very sentimental person. I have boxes of stuff from my friends, family, and ex-boyfriends. I kept this stuff for good memories purposes because I like reminiscing good memories. It reminds me of these real moments that I was once shared with these people, and it's like my return ticket to that memories, whether it's funny, romantic, or sad. Plus good times need to be remembered. They need to celebrate and felt. You know, we're not getting any younger anymore, time will come that a part of our brain might forget those memories. So keeping pictures, letters, and diaries is one way to keep those memories alive.

These are my IDs from the Youth Camp Fellowship.

6. I used to be active in Church back when I was in High School. I even joined the Music Ministry and tried to learn how to play the piano. I went to a few Youth Camp Fellowship and met a lot of people, and it was fun. The reason why I became so active in Church because I had a crush on our drummer guy (he’s my first kiss). Yuck! LOL

Love Me Like You Do By Ellie Goulding (Short Clip) / Stay By Rihanna (Cover)

7. As I was saying on number 6, I used to play the piano before. They made us choose a musical instrument that we want to play, and I was supposedly gonna go for drums because it's cool, plus I used to listen to a lot of rock bands back then, but I didn't choose it because my crush is going to be the one who's going to teach us, and I was shy, so I end up with piano. I actually tried learning how to play the guitar but you got to have callouses on your fingers in order to play it well because it freaking hurts girl! Hehe

8. Okay, let's talk about Puppy Love. When I was in grade school, I have a crush on this guy who's like 3 years older than me, and he's our neighbor. When I got into 6th grade, he started noticing me, and we became, I don't know, together? Like boyfriend and girlfriend? Haha. But since I'm a shy type kind of girl, I was having a hard time talking to him without blushing, I couldn't even let him hold my hands, or hug me, or kiss me. None of that happened. So we write letters to each other (cellphone is not a thing at that time). I know it's all cheesy and mushy and all, but anyways. I asked my niece to be our messenger haha. So I will give the letter to her, and she will give it to him, and then vice versa. Okay, so this is the funny part!! My niece left my goddamn letter for him at our dining table! And my sister and brother read the whole thing. I was so annoyed at my niece. My siblings were like mad at me for having a boyfriend at such a young age because you know, I'm their little sister, and little sissy is not allowed to have a boyfriend LOL. And then they threatened me that they're going to tell it to my mom, so I broke up with him after a week using a letter haha. We kept in touch til I got into High School. I think we went out before, we watch a movie but I brought a chaperone with me. HAHA we didn’t end up together because he’s such a playboy. FYI: I don't count him as my ex-boyfriend. LOL

9. I had a puppy named Mocha because she’s dark brown and it suits her. She’s a shih tzu and she’s the cutest puppy in the world but she died because she got sick. I miss her so much! :(

Snorkeling at Coron, Palawan.

10. I love going to the beach. I love swimming! My mom’s sister owns a beach resort and it was just an hour away from our place. We always go there every summer, and that’s where I learned how to swim, not in the swimming pool, but in the ocean. I was supposedly going to be a swimmer. My 4th grade teacher trained me, and he trained other students in other sports like badminton and volleyball, and they joined sports competition, and they win medals. So I got very interested because I want to win medals too. So I did my training but I was having a hard time to dive. I know I'm doing it wrong because the water kept going inside my nose and it freaking hurts. So I stopped and quit the training because I couldn't do it properly. Haha

I think I was in 3rd Grade in here. Lol

11. I joined Girl Scout back in grade school. I can't remember why I joined. All I know is I am going to have a lot of fun in here. And that was my first camping experience. We camped out at our school, and yeah, it was fun and scary at the same time because there are lots of ghost stories in our school. Our motto: "Girl Scouts are always ready and prepared.” 

I also joined Drum & Bugle. I was a Majorette, the one who throws the baton in the air and twirls it. I just love to dance back then, and nope, I'm not a professional dancer. It's just that life is better when you dance! :)

Junior Year High School. Cheer Dance Competition during our Intramurals Day. 

12. When I got into High School, I've always wanted to join Cheer Dance Competition since I was in my freshman year. But most of the girls in my school back then were all pretty and mean. I only joined when I was in my junior year, and we won 2nd place. I'm really not a good dancer, but I know I've got moves. I just don't know what happened today LOL. I'm one of those girls who they always lift and toss because obviously in the picture I'm thin as a rake haha. Then I tried joining again in College, and I got into an accident. I freaking fell flat on my back while we're doing our pyramid stunt and no one's there to catch me. Ouchie! I'm on the second level, standing on my right leg at this guy's shoulder, and then my left leg was angled and lifted because on the third level, a girl's going to stand on my left thigh. She was scared and not keeping her balance well so she dragged me backward with her. Someone caught her and none for me because the way I go down the pyramid is by jumping in front. Our coach didn't see that coming and I thought I am gonna go home with broken hips.

Left to Right: Elementary Graduation Day; Sophomore Year in College; Junior Year - wearing retainer; Retainer and Braces Free 

13. I first had my braces when I was in 6th grade because my sister got one, so I want one too LOL. I had it for a very long time. Since I got it at such a young age, my teeth were not complete yet. And based on my x-ray, I've got several impacted wisdom tooth that's going to come out so my doctor waited for it. I only got it removed when I was in my 3rd-year college. So I had my braces for 7 years. HAHA

14. I can’t whistle. I tried. I don’t know how to. I can’t do it. PERIOD

Cupcake Nail Art, Cheetah Print Nail Art, Polka Dots Nail Art

15. I love doing my nail art from when I was in High School to College. I don't like my nails plain and simple back then, so I put a design on it and make it fun. I'm always into art and being creative. Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun. So my parents saw that potential in me, and they made me choose Architecture as my profession.

These are my high school arts that I saw on my facebook LOL.

Circa 2015. Photographed By: Iks Virina

16. I'm not a morning person. I hate waking up so early. I only wake up so early if I have important errands to run or if I have to go to work. I love sleeping during the day and staying up during the night. I'm a night owl. There's something about being up at night that makes it more peaceful to work and think. Most of my creative juices come out during the night. And I've read that night owls have better mental alertness than early risers. I don't need caffeine to keep me up at night. LOL

Circa 2015. Photographed By: Iks Virina

17. I'm not a coffee person. Don't get me wrong, I love the smell of coffee. It's just that the coffee doesn't like me at all. Every time I drink coffee, especially those with high caffeine like espresso, I end up palpitating and having heartburn. I can drink it but not too much, and sometimes I preferred Frappuccino. I'm more of a tea person. I love chamomile and red berries flavors.

FEU I.D. vs BPSU I.D.

18. I went to two schools back in College. When I was in my senior year in High School, I didn't really plan my college life. I have no idea what school I am going to attend. I only know was my mom wants me to take up Architecture even though I don't want to. So yeah, I end up going to Far Eastern University for 2 years. Then, my Dad, he was working abroad in Libya, and there was a war at that time in the Middle East. So they had to go home and stopped working. We have no income, we had financial issues, and that's when I decided to return home and study in my hometown, get a scholarship because I have no choice. I was in college for 6 years, supposedly 5 years only but I had to retake some of my subjects that I already took up in my previous school because the school didn't credit it.

Back in 2015, I tried to dress up like Blair Waldorf. She loves wearing headband hehe

19. My favorite show of all time is Gossip Girl. It's like the first rated r tv shows that I really got hooked up and fall in love with. It's the reason why I've always wanted to go to New York. I have watched this already a few times, and it doesn't get old. I love Serena Van Der Woodsen (Blake Lively), her style, and the way she carries her clothes. She's this free-spirited, charming, nice, laidback IT GIRL. And then Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) aside from her classy, preppy style, I like her domineering and loyal personality. Plus her romantic on and off love affair with Chuck Bass (Ed Westwick). But my biggest crush on this show is Nate Archibald (Chace Crawford), oh god I love his eyes, it's so sexy! HAHA

Sandbox Adventure at Pampanga; Bike Trailing and Wakeboarding at Nuvali, Laguna; and Skimboarding at Boracay

20. I love some good adventure. I have this bucket list of things to do before I die, and I want to fulfill that. Like traveling the whole world, plus I want to go skydiving or bungee jumping. Aside from that, you're just not creating memories, you're also trying new things. And I'm always up for trying new things, and I like challenging myself sometimes. Life is boring if you don't at least try or go out of your comfort zone. Just try new things once in a while, and don't be afraid to soar high.

What’s something random about you? And if you make a post, share it below. Thank you so much for dropping by!

Love Lots, Jamie

[crimsonandclover-kataclysm]

Chapter 2- She’s waiting for the bell

January, 1985. Hawkins, Indiana

Mrs. Simmons was resisting. Out of all the water aerobics participants, she was usually the most enthusiastic, but Diana knew that she had some recent health issues and her arthritis was causing her more frequent pain. She was complaining fairly often in this session, giving up on repetitions, and being overall disruptive. For a moment, Diana thought she was dealing with eighth graders again. Diana had come to realize that she really enjoyed teaching. And not just kids either- her time spent at the senior center was every bit as valuable. It had only been a few weeks, but Diana felt like she was gaining so much more than what she was giving, and on top of that, she was making money all the while.

Except Mrs. Simmons kept nagging Di about the pace being too quick, and that caused Diana to want to pull her hair out. And Mrs. Simmons’. 

Class finished, and Diana breathed a sigh of relief, smiling at Mrs. Ellis and Mrs. Poole as they waved goodbye. Toweling dry, she headed to the locker room to dress. She changed quickly into her new pair of loose-fitting, patterned capri pants and the flowing, lightweight blouse her mother insisted on buying her.

Sandra had woken her up early with Betty the Saturday after Hart gave the okay for Diana to work at the middle school. Without much hint to where they were going, Di slipped on some clothes and followed them out to the car. “Your teacher wardrobe is terrible,” her mother explained on the way to the Roane County Mall. “We are getting you some real clothes.” The sentiment wasn’t totally unfair - Diana was on a rotation of sweatshirts and had just worn a hole through her last pair of black leggings. However, from the crowded racks of clothes in the department store to the utter lunacy of finding something in Diana’s price range that she actually liked, less than half an hour was necessary for Diana to remember why she absolutely detested shopping. As it turned out, she was almost grateful to Betty and her mother for the fact that she spent more time in the fitting rooms than on the floor. She didn’t hate trying things on. Just decision making. And dealing with strangers.

The trip yielded some pretty good results. Diana walked out with two new pairs of leggings, around seven loose and breathable blouses, and three types of pants that allowed for movement. Looking at herself in the locker room mirror, she had to admit that it was an improvement on what she wore to her first week. She tugged the scrunchie out of her hair so that loose waves of chocolate fell around her shoulders. As she studied her reflection, she didn’t hate what she saw. Objectively, she looked like an athlete, with broad shoulders that lead down to slim, toned arms, a trimmed waist, and the muscular legs of a runner. She had her mom to thank for her thick, dark hair, and most of her facial features as well. Solid blue eyes fanned by curled lashes, a delicately shaped nose, and a wide, toothy smile. She liked that she favored her mother. Really, the only features of her father’s that she wanted to keep were her naturally thick eyebrows and the small dimple in the middle of her chin. She stayed out of the sun for fear of adopting her father’s olive complexion. Diana thought she looked earthy, like she was always two steps removed from living on a desert island, so she brought out the feminine features that she did have by wearing makeup only shaded in soft pinks. Irrational as it was, she felt like rounding out the angles of her face distanced herself from Kenneth’s sharp jawline and cheekbones.

Blinking a few times at her reflection, Diana remembered that she left her bike at school opting to just walk to the gym. However, 24 Hour Fitness was located on Washington and Kinley, just a block down from the General Store, meaning she was closer to home. Going back to school for the bike would just take her out of the way. She liked running anyway. Zipping up her coat as high as she could and tightening her shoelaces and backpack straps, Diana took off out of the gym in order to make it to her house by dark, prepared for it to be much cooler than it was. Hawkins had been considerably less predictable in regards to the weather over the past couple of months. Despite it being the second week of January, the temperature was quite high, sitting around fifty degrees mid-afternoon. Di actually began to sweat underneath her coat, even with the fading sunlight. All around her were barren trees, though, and the sky was perpetually fixed on a dull gray. She turned the corner onto her street. As she passed the neighboring houses, she noticed a familiar figure standing on his porch repping bicep curls with a barbell. She could have sworn that Billy Hargrove almost smiled at her.

Schoolwork was becoming a little more difficult to juggle. Almost a month into the semester, Di was having to find a balance between homework, keeping in shape, maintaining her chores, teaching water aerobics, and some odd babysitting jobs here and there. Working with Coach Hart had turned out to be the least disruptive part of her schedule, and she was still having a blast doing it. Even the most mundane of tasks became the work that Diana looked forward to completing, the jobs that gave her the most satisfaction. When Hart told her that she could reorganize the equipment closet to season and relevance, she walked in proud with her mother’s label maker. Going above and beyond to create a specific and up to date inventory for herself, she went so far as to include benchmarks on required upkeep for the equipment and the time periods that those would have to be managed. And even all of that didn’t include the fun of teaching.

Diana Miller, for most of the time, was perfectly fine being left alone. Though she enjoyed company of many different types of people, she wasn’t uncomfortable being in her own head. But Diana could totally and completely admit that she was at her happiest when working with the kids at the middle school. Smart and witty, the eighth graders kept Di on her toes, and it helped that they were weird. Having grown up being the tall, athletic girl who spent a summer traipsing the country with her single mother, Diana knew weird. But she was nothing compared to the students she worked with, and it was fun for her to see their personalities and watch them interact. Above all, she truly loved helping them. Several had approached her outside of class to ask advice on high school courses and social entanglements, to which she would respond happily and honestly.

And even though she knew it was wrong, she had picked out her favorites. She was convinced that some of the best students did not really need her as a teacher at all, and then the others, who may have struggled, made up for their physical deficiencies in intelligence and work ethic. There was Libby, who reminded Diana of a younger version of herself. Strong-willed and fast, Libby could kick the lights out of anyone who challenged her in soccer and tennis. Sam had a great arm- he could pitch and toss and catch, and he made a point to help out those who struggled. Christine could recite each bone in the body without hesitation while also knowing the best exercises to keep up the different functions within the body. Max Hargrove was also among the naturally gifted, gliding quickly whenever wheels were placed beneath her feet. She hung around a lanky kid named Lucas who, at the very least, had phenomenal aim.

Then there was Dustin. Diana absolutely adored Dustin. He had very little inherent athletic ability, but he was bright and positive, and he made a point to respond enthusiastically to each and every one of her suggestions. She had the vague thought that he may have had a little crush on her, but as long as he did his work to the best of his ability, she wasn’t bothered by it.

Birdies were flying over volleyball nets in the gym, and the fault was completely Diana’s. The idea of Badminton always appealed to her, and she had convinced Coach to test out a unit with a few cheap birdies and tennis rackets. With the birdies being so lightweight, there was less inflicted damage than in tennis, and typically it didn’t require as much strength or precision to succeed. Students really seemed to enjoy playing, and Gracie was dominating everyone she faced. Dustin seemed distracted, though, and Diana understood why when Steve entered the gym toward the end of class.

Steve Harrington stood tall and proud with hair that just didn’t quit. He was something of class royalty among the seniors, and Betty had been crushing on him since about the fourth grade. He noticed Dustin and gave a slight nod, taking a seat on the furthest set of bleachers and resting his shoulders on his knees, eyes alert with a grin on his face. From then on, Dustin was a mess. Hyperactive laughing, inattentive and bumping into other kids, maybe hitting two out of seven birdies in total (except Diana was counting the one that soared over the net straight into Dustin’s forehead, which she considered pretty generous), all while his eyes flitted back and forth from Steve.

Coach blew the whistle, and the kids routinely put back all the equipment and headed into the locker rooms to change. As she was checking the rackets, Steve sauntered over to Diana.

She looked up, raising her eyebrows as she tutted reproachfully. “You, sir, are not allowed in here anymore. Poor Dustin lost his mind.”

Steve huffed out a laugh, rubbing his fingers over his lips. “Yeah, the little shit stinks, doesn’t he?” Diana nodded, a grin stretched wide across her face. “We’ve got a standing library date- he helps me with the books, I help him with the looks, you know.”

Diana heard Steve, and started to contort her face into a reaction, but Calculus swam in front of her eyes, mixing with French to form its own terrifying language. Steve noticed her pale in color. “You alright, Di?” he asked warily, turning his head to glance around the room, his hand going to the small of her back protectively.

She shook her head quickly, vision blanking before settling on his look of concern. “What? Oh, yes, just a lot of homework.” A lot.

“Come to the library with us. We’ll keep you on track,” he offered with a weak smile, pulling his hand away and crossing his arms over his chest. Breathing a sigh of relief as he could only do after watching someone look as if they were seeing a ghost. Or something else. She shot him a thoughtful glance before nodding yes. In the time it took for Dustin to rejoin them, Di was able to finish tidying up the gym, closing up the electric blue matting on the wall that covered the storage space for the volleyball net. Dustin’s eyes lit up at the prospect of a new addition to the group, especially this addition, Diana thought. As they began to walk out of the gym, Dustin started on what must have been twenty different questions for Steve. “How was your day? Did you ace that science quiz? Did you see me hit the birdie?-“ he continued speaking, barely letting Steve get a word in, and Diana thought briefly about the dramatic difference in Steve over the years.

The Harringtons lived away from the rest of the neighborhood, secluded in the woods outside of town. Those woods bordered the property across the street from the Millers, so it was a straight shot walking through about an eighth of a mile through trees to reach their house. When Kenneth left, Mrs. Harrington offered to help Sandra get back on her feet by having her be a semi-permanent babysitter to Steve. Though Steve and Diana had gone to school with one another all their lives, they only began to really speak in the spring of their third grade year. Steve’s parents were top businessmen, so they went away frequently. Because Steve practically lived with Di, even at school they were inseparable, playing together during recess, sitting next to one another in class, pairing off on homework. Steve quickly became her adopted brother, and Sandra loved the bond of their little fragmented family. A year and a half later, when Sandra was able to support herself and pick up more jobs, and the Harringtons came home more often, Di and Steve would still interact. However, people get older, and people change, so though they were always cordial and though their friendship would never really dissipate, it also never really was the same. And then Steve grew tall and handsome and popular, and Di grew tall and pretty and reserved. Both of them knew they could have been better friends for longer, but neither of them ever challenged it as they grew apart.

Dustin was still talking while the three of them stopped at his locker. Out of the corner of her eye, Di could see Max and Lucas, close enough to one another to be holding hands discreetly. Lucas said something that made Max belly laugh, and a smile crept across Diana’s face at seeing Max light up the way she did. Suddenly, Max pulled away from Lucas, eyes focused on the clock hung above the door, “Shit, I’m late.” Lucas nodded frantically heading in the opposite direction to the trio. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he called. Max gave a short nod and ran towards the front of the school building.

By this point, Dustin had stopped speaking. He was looking at Steve with a funny expression- wide eyed and open mouthed. Steve shook his head and shrugged. Whatever was happening in this exchange, Diana didn’t understand, so she began walking the same path Max took to the entrance. The two boys followed a little further behind, and Diana heard hushed whispers, rolling her eyes at the secrecy. Books held against her body with one hand, she pushed the door open, noticing the passenger door slam on the bright blue Camaro parked right out front. Billy looked livid, breathing heavily with his fists clenched at his sides. He was in the same position as the last time she saw him outside the school, leaning against the trunk of his car. Hearing the sound of the door, his eyes shot up to her. Studying her, she saw that same sly smile play at his lips, however it was gone as soon as it had come. His eyes were focused behind her.

“Harrington!” he called, almost angrily, pushing off of his vehicle and strutting toward the three of them. “What’d I tell you?” His gait was slow and relaxed as he strode toward Steve. Dangling out of his mouth was a cigarette, and as he walked past Diana, his eyes flickered to her and then back to the boys behind her.

Relaxing back on his heels, Steve matched Billy’s stride until there was only a foot between them. Dustin was almost entirely behind Steve until Di’s fingers cinched around the arm of his coat sleeve and she yanked him toward the bike rack. “What are you on about, Hargrove?” Steve was calm and resolute, and Billy wrapped his arm around Steve’s shoulders.

Steve tensed with Billy’s hand gripping him so tightly. They were close enough that Steve might as well have been enjoying the cigarette too, tendrils of smoke billowing up into his face. When Billy spoke, his attention was toward the ground and his voice was low. “Plenty of bitches. I just… you know, I wish you’d saved me this one,” he took the cigarette out of his mouth as he spoke, gesturing in small sympathetic waves.

Diana watched the odd exchange closely, and though she was not able to discern what Billy said, she did see the muscle in Steve’s jaw tense. She watched him elbow Billy away, responding with a quick, “Screw you.” Taking large steps to close the distance between him and Dustin.

Billy turned slowly, a smirk settled upon his face as his eyes followed the three of them. He saw just enough red to give him that rush. The kind that rose like flames through his gut but didn’t yet overcome his actions. Then he remembered that Max made him wait again, on top of King Steve winning out and getting the one girl that interested him. His fingernails dug into the palms of his hands, enough to draw blood to the surface. Eyes narrowed and mouth clamped shut, he took slow, careful steps toward his car.

Steve was mum on his interaction with Billy. No matter how many times Dustin pestered him about it, he pinched his lips closed and shook his head. Diana figured adding fuel to the fire wasn't appropriate, so she sat quietly and studied her history notes. The quiet shuffling of bodies through the library helped her concentrate, and by the time Dustin and Steve were ready to leave, she had accomplished nearly twice as much more than she would have at home, she suspected. The three parted ways after Steve drove them back to the school so Di could get her bike, and she started home, standing on the pedals for more power. Wind nipped at Diana’s cheeks, and with the change in weather, even her coat wasn’t offering her too much protection. As she rode down her street, she noticed Max sitting on the steps outside her house with a roll of duct tape and her skateboard, split in two. Skidding to a stop, she propped her bike up on the mailbox and walked toward Max, sitting down next to her on the stoop. Max gave her a small smile, but Diana could tell by the aggression in her taping up her board that smiling was not something she felt like doing.

“Isn’t it a little cold for you to be out here doing this?” Diana asked, grabbing the two parts of the board and holding them still so Max could tape evenly.

Max lined up the tape precisely and pressed it down with care, smoothing out any creases and bubbles.Then she grumbled, tilting her head toward the house, “I wasn’t about to do it in there.” Di nodded as she twisted her lips to the side, helping Max rip the tape after a few more wraps.

“The hell is this?” Max tensed out of recognition. Circumstances with Billy had improved after their tête-a-tête at the Byers’ back in November, but now that things had calmed and Max wasn’t wielding a bat chock full of nails, Billy’s anger had started to get the best of him. They had an… understanding, but Max knew he hated the town and missed California more than he would let on. And since he wouldn’t talk about it, all he knew to do was get angry. Max respected that he was unhappy, she just wished he would distinguish between anger at a situation and anger at her. His inflection as he stood on the walk with his thumbs holding the waistline of his jeans was not angry though. From the lifted corner of his mouth to his raised eyebrow, Max thought it might have been playful.

Diana’s eyes scanned up Billy’s figure until she met his gaze. “Just saw your sister needed some help. I figure I’ve got the time.” Billy gave a slight nod, still wearing that signature smirk of his. “Besides, it must take a real creep to break a kid’s skateboard.” Max’s eyes shot up wide at Diana, while Billy’s narrowed at the challenge.

“Yeah, well to be fair, Maxine can be a piece of shit.”

Diana was not impressed, lifting up to her feet and dusting off her jeans. “From what I hear, so can her brother.” Her glare matched the intensity of the full, toothy smile that crept over his face.

His voice dropped half an octave as he took a step closer. “Oh? What else do you hear about me?”

His question was met with no response as Diana turned to Max, her cheeks heating up in frustration. “Maxine, if you ever need anything, I live in that house,” she pointed for emphasis. “Please do not hesitate to come by. You-“ she turned quickly to Billy, “you shouldn’t make a habit of breaking other people’s things. It could come back to bite you.” Billy’s mouth opened, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, his tongue swiped across his teeth in a laugh as Di jogged to her bike, throwing her leg over and pedaling away. Max’s gaze was fixed on Billy, whose eyes followed Diana down the street and as she took the steps by twos to her house. His hand came toward Max, and she almost fell off the step in trying to protect her board. It was a shock then, when Billy’s hand landed on top of her head, his fingers giving her hair a light ruffle. She looked at him, mouth agape, but he was still staring at the Miller house, fingertips of his other hand trailing over the grin on his lips.

[nothingneverforever]

The Half of It (2020)

Okay so first of all….. this is the best movie ever in the whole world….

I mean it..!!!!!

I cried watching the trailer for it, because immediately it felt like exactly what I needed after Never Have I Ever (review <here> – unfortunately I will be referring a fair bit to the series in this review).

The Half of It (Half) felt something like an antithesis to NHIE, if you will. This is a teen love story that is pure in both meanings of the word: purity in its wholesome, innocent, raw, simplicity of emotion and feeling and love, and purity in terms of unadulterated content perfectly suitable for its context, everything so appropriate and coherent and in-place i.e. no dumb jokes where they are not needed (in fact no dumb jokes at all), no pandering to any audience, no desperation to appear logged-on by referencing any internet culture… Unlike NHIE which rams internet culture down our throats, Half is so much more relatable because of the lack of it. A timeless classic, some might even say.

Really… this was so so so … I want to think of another word for pure because that itself is such an internetty word lol. Hmm.. this was just so genuine I guess? It reminded me of what early 2000s indie teen romances were striving toward but could only ever grasp at in futility because they tripped over their untied laces in the process. The untied laces representing the pretensions the narratives often got caught up in, aiming for cool and subversive or off-beat but ultimately remaining unrelatable, unrealistic and lacking soul in all its quirkiness. Something that comes to mind for example is Submarine (2010) by Richard Ayoade? I dunno, I never watched it cos it was too annoyingly annoying for me so I don’t even know why I’m bringing it up at all lol, but I know that even as a teen I could tell that it’s self-awareness just translated as self-consciousness and what is intended as delicate and niche just ends up being too loud in its non-mainstreamness… do you know what I mean? That kind of movie where the indieness is too indie and its just fucking annoying? Again, I’ve never seen Submarine so I’m not quite sure I’m even hating on the right thing (in fact I just tried to watch the trailer for it and its so gross omg) but basically what I’m getting at is that The Half of It is absolutely not that kind of coming-of-age film. Because it rocks… af.

Right, so here are the synopses for this lovely film, directed by Alice Wu:

-        When smart but cash-strapped teen Ellie Chu agrees to write a love letter for a jock, she doesn't expect to become his friend - or fall for his crush.

-        A shy, introverted student helps the school jock woo a girl whom, secretly, they both want.

Gonna do some character introductions because I shall be referring to them specifically a little.  Actually, you know what, maybe just watch the trailer? Because it’s just… fucking good… but also because then my review will make more sense I hope!

Do you feel the overwhelming pureness, the simplicity? I dunno, I don’t have much to compare this to, but are all ‘good’ coming-of-age / teen romance films these days of this mood, are they this solemn (yet fun…), do they all do their characters this must justice by giving us wholes of their lives, their environments, their homes, their after-school selves? I doubt it…

(later on once I’ve established more that is great about this film, I’ll compare it to some other works that the tone of this one reminds me of)

OKAY SO

Ellie Chu, the Chinese-American protagonist, writes hundreds of essays for basically everyone in school, for a fee, to support her single father who’s the manager of the train station. Then Paul, the guy, enlists Ellie’s help in writing a love letter to the girl he’s in “love” with, Aster the great beauty (who’s also other things obviously). So Ellie, pretending to be Paul, writes letters to and converses via some secret messaging app with Aster, who Ellie herself also has deep feelings for, feelings which only grow with these interactions. Paul, not knowing about Ellie’s feelings, is caught unawares when he realizes Ellie’s truth. So these are the three main characters whose lives and thoughts we follow, and my first comment is that they are incredibly compelling characters! It’s really rare for me to like one character in a film to this extent, but here I found myself enjoying all three of their journeys, found myself relating to thoughts, wanting to be brought along with them all the way, individually and together.

So if one had to simplify the plot, it could perhaps be described as a love triangle. And about this triangle, what I like the most and what I found to move the story along so well was how clear everything was to us from the start. From the moment Aster’s name is uttered* to Ellie (when Paul asks Ellie for a letter to Aster), it is clear that Ellie is in love with her. There’s no sudden realization later on in the movie, there’s no unfurling of sexuality or conflicted thoughts – Ellie knows her feelings (or rather, has known), knows herself, and so do we. And it was... really refreshing and nice? To immediately be thrown into the triangle knowing all the stakes involved, all the feelings apparent. And I liked this too at first because I thought it would be you know, like those utopian-type film-world where sexuality isn’t an issue, where Ellie’s love for Aster would be a problem insomuch as she was in love with her friend’s love interest and not because she was in love with a girl. Because Ellie’s hush over her own her feelings, her furtive looks (like in the toilet scene -gif below- omg fucking epic scene I’m cryinggg) toward Aster, and other hidden manifestations of her love for Aster are all in line with her introverted personality, coherent with how she’s lived her whole live in privacy and isolation. So the hidden sexuality part wasn’t explicit, I mean, because it could have been read as her just being a shy girl – and this is nice, it’s interesting, because again it normalizes the same-sex attraction by not mentioning it at all as the issue.

(Edit*: upon rewatching, I realise I was mistaken and we see and vicariously experience Ellie’s feelings for Aster even before her name is uttered! And it’s a beautiful scene... LOVE THIS CORNYASS FILM!!)

But later on Paul says something that reveals this utopia isn’t the world the movie is set in. He jerks us back to reality like this, toward the end-ish of the film, i.e. when he and Ellie have already become besties:

Of course I may not have the greatest legitimacy to speak on it, having very fortunately never had to be on the receiving end of something like this, but I don’t think I would necessarily couch this as ‘homophobia’, even if that’s the overarching effect…? Do you know what I mean? There’s so much more here, more in Paul’s immediate response that is both hurt and hurtful, than just homophobia. It’s about the that that he has never been out of this tiny train-stop town, the fact that his over-crowded house is incomplete and utter chaos each time he steps back into it, how he doesn’t have a second to himself each day to think on his own or to simply be, where tradition is heeded because it is the only thing that ties one to heritage, to any memory/experience of anything meaningful beyond the daily, dull grind in an utterly dour town. Paul doesn’t have the luxury of expanding his mind beyond this world, doesn’t have romantic hours in the blue fog like Ellie where she reads non-stop in her tiny booth by the railway tracks waiting to ring the crossing bell twice a day, where her father holds a PhD (even if they aren’t close or don’t engage in mind-expanding conversations, I mean that this definitely adds to the culture she’s been brought up in, which must be so so unlike Paul’s).

I find there are two key scenes which help us to understand this ‘homophobia’ of his (again, this is not at all an accurate or meaningful way to view his instinctive rejection of Ellie’s sexuality and feelings for Aster, but I’m just using the term to contextualize it as just one symptom of his greater upbringing).

The first scene is where Paul, whose family has for generations run a meat business, discusses with Ellie his desire to branch out into new, non-traditional sausage recipes. It doesn’t hit as hard out of context, so plzzz watch the film to get the full effect and get ready to crey real tears but this is what Paul says in a beautiful scene, and you won’t get the No Exit (Sartre) mention unless you watch the whole film so just ignore that first and I think the rest of Paul’s touching monologue speaks well enough for itself:

The thing about No Exit is it's like how what I really want is to run my own shop, with new recipes. And-- And FYI, taco sausage is really effing good.

Okay, but I'm the fourth son and my family's been making the same sausage for 49 years and it doesn't matter if they're going broke, or out of style, they're Nana's recipes.

If Ma can't have Nana, at least she can make her sausages. If I break away, it'll break her heart. And it's either her heart or mine.

So I stay.

The other scene that helps ‘couch’ the homophobia and helps frame that painful scene is this one below, where Aster speaks to Paul. After she’s had a random day with Ellie, driving to her “favourite secret place”, floating together for hours in a hot spring while they 谈天说地 (casually talk about everything under the sky and everything on earth), during which it is clear that they have some kind of bond that neither has ever experience and a deep connection that they both need very much, she returns back home and meets Paul and they have this conversation (I got the dialogue straight from a PDF of the full screenplay):

- [Aster] Hey.

[indistinct sports radio chatter]

- [Paul] Hey. [soft chuckle]

- [Aster] Do you believe in God?

- [Paul] Uh... of course.

- [Aster] Yeah.

- [Aster] Yeah, no, of course.

So this scene takes place beside a trash bin late at night where Paul is emptying, erm, trash. Lol so when Paul answers yes of course, that’s his answer because… of course it is. How could it be anything else? And so his rejection of Ellie, his leaving her in the dark upon finding out her deepest secret (of her feelings for Aster) hurts but it’s not cruel. It doesn’t turn our hearts cold against him, because we feel sorry for him. We do because we have to. I’m not saying we should award all homophobes of the world this generosity, but it sure helps us empathize with a lot that is beyond us. Things to do with generational upbringing and religious traditions and smalltown cultures and whatever else that I can’t even pretend is remotely relevant to my own life. But I just thought that his reaction to Ellie, cutting as it was in the moment, was the logical expectation given what we knew about him. And basically what I mean is that this is the best film ever because everything is real, and everything makes sense, and Alice Wu is the best person on earth, I do believe.  

And I’m sorry to have to go back to NHIE lol (I mean I’m really sorry – so sorry that I’m even speaking of them in the same sentence when they are so different omg it’s insulting) but really, there’s no reason that Half had to be THIS much better than NHIE. They have almost identical central themes: teenage female protagonists with Asian-immigrant roots in an American town, both feeling the pangs of loss from having a deceased parent (Devi’s father from NHIE and Ellie’s mother from Half), both featuring many scene in a high school, both dealing with first crushes. And, okay, both have the exact same epically high Rotten Tomatoes scores (96%), but… that’s just an accurate representation of the goodness of one and a ridiculous lie for the other. Take my word for it :)

Okay I suppose this is a good time to mention the other films that Half recalled in my mind!

1)     There’s a scene, (screencap below) where Paul speaks to Ellie’s dad, only because the latter is not confident in English, he speaks Mandarin to Paul who stands and seemingly understands every word, because the message is clear as day. This is a lot like Lilting (2014), and not just because of the sexuality and Chinese-parent aspect where in Lilting, Ben Whishaw’s character speaks to his dead lover’s mother and they converse, her in Mandarin and him in English, exactly like the shared conversation here in Half.  But this scene also has, as in Lilting, the extremely painful longing for closeness of any, all kinds, the desire to be seen and understood and accepted, the desperation for a bridge between two who may be worlds apart. And Lilting is truly an incredible film, so my commenting on this resemblance is meant to be entirely complimentary!!

^ Half above, and Lilting below

2)     In general the erm pureness (yes I swear I’ll start reading again soon which shall hopefully re-expand my vocab so I don’t have to keep using this same lame word over and over) of the mood of the film also calls up I Don’t Want to Go Back Alone, or Eu Não Quero Voltar Sozinho. This was a huge Youtube short film from years and years ago (2010) that I remember watching about a hundred times over, it’s Brazillian and under 20 minutes but it was so successful and compelling that a full-length feature film was later made in 2014 based on the characters and simple story that the short was based on. I don’t know if Half will grow to be that iconic, to bestow the world with oceans of fanfic etc, because now that there is so much choice and variety of entertainment Half may just be one of the many, but it feels like it shall leave a similar legacy. There are similarities in theme and plot, where The Way He Looks has a male-female best friend duo where they find they both have feelings for the cute new boy in school, oh and also the male bestie is blind so I suppose there is some similar comment on marginalization there, like Ellie’s immigrant status for which she is taunted for and which holds her father back from jobs much more suited to his capabilities. Anywayyyy yea just thought that Half reminded me of the same innocence and same budding feelings and forays into the world of a friendship being complicated by issues like sexuality and I loved being reminded of it!

3)     Also, very unfortunately, I was reminded of this shitty crap I saw a short while ago on Netflix just to pass the time while exercising, All The Bright Places.  I thought there would be, at least, something sweet in its “sadness” (quotation marks cos the tragedy of the plot is handled so fuuuuuuckkkkking badly) and maybe something moving even in its predictable contrivance but bro it was literally the worst shit in the world and I stopped about halfway through the film, actually right in the middle of this scene that I’m about to bring up.  Fuck even just re-watching this clip has killed me. Fucking disgusting movie!!! Okay so I tried literally for an hour to upload videos (having taken vids of my laptop screen with my mobile, then combining clips into one mashup video because the app only allows for one video per text post, and then trying 5 times to post it without any success for some reason, and also being unable to attach it via the web version) but I have to resort instead to these screencaps, which, disgusting as they already are, still don’t do justice to the crappiness of the whole scene which literally went on for minutes. So anyway here’s the Bright scene that offends every bone in my body:

And here is the genuinely tender and sweet and moving and touching and appropriate and epic Half version, where the stripping takes up about 2 seconds of screentime, with no chest or shoulders or stomach on display because they, you know, actually get to the point of the scene, to the conversation and moments that actually move the plot forward and serve as more than just fodder for pedo men watching:

Could these two scenes be any more different, seriously? And why should they be this way? Oh, right, umm, maybe it’s because Half is written, directed, and produced by a woman (Alice Wu, who I shall write a little about later), and All the Bright Places is directed by a man? Sure, the author of the YA novel by the same name that the film adapts is one of the two female screenwriters who wrote this film but in a scene like this, direction clearly comes from the director right? Sorry if my fleeting brush with film studies years ago has proven to teach me nothing accurate but yea I do think, seeing a scene like this, that the screenplay (by the two women) may say, you know, Boy and Girl strip and jump into the water, but the scene above that we end up seeing is more the result of the director saying something like alright lads let’s really keep the camera on her for like a good minute, let’s just really take our time on this attractive young girl and lets make sure everyone sees how HOT she is but also how CUTE and SWEET ok? It’s just so so so sexualized like it is just me? Do you guys see it too? Seriously it’s so indulgent and exploitative and inappropriate and unnecessary and it SUCKS bleauughhh! Compare it to the exact same idea in Half. They’re both showing basically the exact same activity right, both where one teen brings another teen to their favourite spot and makes moves to jump in, while the other teen in both films is seemingly hesitant / shy at first about doing so before eventually joining in, except that for Half, we see about 5 milliseconds of the actual undressing. Because it should be obvious right? The focus of the scene is about the subsequent floating, about the intimacy of bringing someone new to some place special to you, about vulnerability and friendship and love and blah blah whatever and the stripping of clothes is but an obvious means to get into the water, so there’s no ambiguity even if the scene cuts from two fully-clothed characters on land to two half-clothed characters in the water I think fucking everyone would understand what had occurred right?! Meanwhile we are forced to fixate on Elle Fanning removing each and every single item of clothing from her waifish body, forced to examine the torso of this girl who is meant to be mid-teens?, forced to understand her as beautiful and desirable and demure and enticing because we see her through the eyes of the guy whose glances are as unsubtle as they come and IT’S FUCKING GROSS LA fuck. FYI like I said I never finished watching this dumb film cos I literally couldn’t finish this stupid swimming scene so idk maybe it gets better and it’s ending rocks af but yea probably not ..

4)     Of course, Notting Hill (1999)! In Notting Hill, the beautiful cute iconic scene where Julia Roberts asks Hugh Grant for .. well basically asks if he’d be willing to take a chance with her, to work together for a relationship and he says umm nah and she says: Don't forget -- I'm also just a girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love her.

Similarly, in Half, Paul goes on his second date with Aster (after being wingman-ed af by Ellie) and Paul and Aster’s conversation falters (not that there was much momentum to begin with) and Ellie (who is sitting in Paul’s truck watching them on their date through the diner’s window lol) texts Aster with her phone (pretending to be Paul), and says “I get nervous when you’re close” and after a bit of ‘banter’, Aster replies “I’m just a girl”

Loved Notting Hill and always loved that funny just a girl line for it’s strange, spontaneous, unsophisticated simplicity, so again, as with Lilting and I Don’t Want to Go Back Alone, I enjoyed this reference a lot! :-)

Okay one last main point before I end off this longass ramble with some general points and then I’m done for real

So in Half, Ellie’s character is “deep” and “philosophical” and “smart” while such traits especially in teens would usually annoy me because of how badly they’re written, Ellie never displays these sides of herself intending to exclude others, or alienate or humiliate anyone for not being like her. While it is clear that she is different in so many ways from 99% of her peers and from her entire town, it never results in any kind of chip on her shoulder, and she proves to always see herself very much as a part of her environment, and so despite being the biggest fish in a tiny bond, Ellie remains relatable, likeable throughout when it would have been so easy to make her you know, too big for her boots.

This characteristic of Ellie’s, her ‘deep’ talk and how in her writing and texts to Aster, in wanting perhaps to convey her uniqueness or her smartness, the conversations read a little not-normal, in the sense that most of us won’t be able to relate to having dialogues like that, not because of the content but just the style being a little too not naturalistic, so some may feel that takes away from being able to believe in the characters as real people, anyway sorry for this longass sentence BUT this much-elaborated-by-me characteristic of Ellie’s reminded me of a description of Hermione from the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)! In the film, Professor Trelawney says to an uncharacteristically recalcitrant Hermione:

You may be young in years but the heart that beats beneath your bosom is as shriveled as an old maid's, your soul as dry as the pages of the books to which you so desperately cleave.

And, again, I think Ellie’s ‘pretentious’ dialogue (quotation marks cos I personally found it very coherent to her context and personality and was not offended by those trying-to-appear-smart bits haha) is what it is simply because she hasn’t had much beyond books and words to keep her company all her life. Her father’s love language certainly doesn’t seem to be conversating, and she has probably never had a good friend (or a friend at all?), and so, yes, there have probably been hundreds of dry pages to which Ellie has desperately cleaved through her years in Squahamish. And I think the point of the events in this film was to show that without having met Paul, without having confronted her feelings for Aster and getting to know her personally, without playing her sweet guitar song for her whole school, she would, as Trelawney accuses Hermoine, have gone on to possess a heart as shriveled as an old maid’s. The incidents in the film steered her away from said shreivelness and dryness, and toward a fresh, authentic, golden self.

OKAY I want to limit myself here because without one (a limit), I would literally analyse every scene and dialogue ad nauseam and ya no one would care for that so I just want to mention finally that the reason why this film is the best ever, why it’s so tenderhearted and utterly transporting, why its characters are so likable, why it was able to strike a perfect balance between all things light and heavy, why you can’t help but want to hug everyone you see on screen is because I guess Alice Wu is just an iconic genius! She shows different kinds of love (familial, romantic, platonic etc) and all the types of closeness and longing and dreaming in the film and its heartening to know there is a voice like hers in this mainstream YA world because, especially with things like NHIE and All the Bright Places out there, Alice Wu is clearly much needed.

Here is a bit of her director’s note for the film – it can be viewed in full <<<here>>>. I’m copying these two sections because they frame the film nicely, and again, just as NHIE was a semi-autobiographical tale from Mindy Kaling, Half is the same for Alice Wu, just that Half you know, actually tells a story.

And I like how, like she says, the film ends with our 3 lovely characters beginning their lives.

 Okay so… bye! Hehe :)  

[gazzhowie]

My Top 25 Movies of 2019.

It is indeed time… or at least, as is tradition, it is indeed now overdue for me to dust off the cobwebs from my Tumblr account and post my Top 25 movies of the year.

This time for 2019.

Years 2008 through to present are available in the archive. Frequent visitors know that I’ll throw out a few special mentions to all the films that I wish I could’ve included but couldn’t make them fit yet believe they deserve a shout out regardless and then I get stuck in to what I think are the 25 best films of the year.

As always, films listed are based on their UK release date whether that’s in the cinema or on DVD, VOD etc.

And no, despite several attempts, repeated proclamations on social media AND owning the bloody thing outright for the last 6 months, I still never got round to seeing Ash is The Purest White in time for my self-imposed deadline for this so if you’re here to see that lauded, I will dash your expectations now.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s the ‘also-rans’ and ‘near-misses’ separated per genre that very nearly made the final list:

In terms of comedies, I very much enjoyed The Breaker Upperers, The Favourite, Always Be My Maybe, Mega Time Squad, Good Boys, Brittany Runs a Marathon and – as ultimately disappointing as it turned out to be in comparison to the original – yes, Zombieland: Double Tap.

Dramas I really liked this year were The 12th Man, The Old Man And The Gun, The Man Who Killed Hitler and then Bigfoot, White Boy Rick, Stan & Ollie, Deadwood: The Movie, The Sister Brothers, the first two thirds of Feedback, Hotel Mumbai, The Mule, Shadow, Thunder Road, The Clovehitch Killer, The Nightingale, Destroyer, Vice and, as uncomfortable as it made me, Ray and Liz.

Documentaries I rated highly in 2019 included Leaving Neverland, Free Solo, The Inventor: Out For Blood In Silicon Valley, Divide & Conquer: Roger Ailes and The Amazing Jonathan Documentary.

In terms of horror movies, rather controversially I seem to stand alone in saying I rather liked both Velvet Buzzsaw and The Dead Don’t Die. I also thoroughly enjoyed One Cut of the Dead, Happy Death Day 2 U and In Fabric, the last of which VERY nearly made the final Top 25 cut.

Action movies I was a fan of this year were both Triple Frontier and Triple Threat, The Quake (or The Wave 2: The Quake as it is inexplicably retitled in some countries), We Die Young which features a wordless and stellar Van Damme performance, Furie and Stuber.

On the blockbuster ‘stage’, I fully embraced the absolute utter insanity (or stupidity?) of The Wandering Earth, really liked Shazam! As well as Spiderman: Far From Home and Terminator: Dark Fate. Somewhat controversially, I also had a lot of fun with Jumanji: The Next Level, 6 Underground and Joker (a straight-up masterpiece that last movie most certainly is not!).

Finally, in terms of animation that I liked in 2019 I’d pay mention to How To Train Your Dragon 3, The Lego Movie 2 and Toy Story 4 – the last two being very likeable but totally unnecessary. And of course, Klaus which was a lovely, moving, visual joy that me and my family will return to a lot over the years.

Now… onto that Top 25:

25. BOOKSMART

I really loved this first time I saw it earlier this year. I found it very funny and thought the performances were delightful by the two main leads. I had issues with the clusterfuck that is the film's third act but not enough that I didn't hold a place for it in my Top 10 of the year for pretty much the last four months or so. Then I revisited it again recently and I’ve still got a huge amount of affection for it and there is still a large amount of it that makes me laugh out loud - but that third act REALLY rubs me the wrong way.

Asides from the clunky plot developments that exist purely to give the film conflict and some sort of narrative 'propulsion' it doesn't necessarily need AND on top of the fact that Billie Lourd's entire thing is embarrassing and awful (are we allowed to kind of lean in together and whisper yet that she can't act very well?), what really smarts is for a film that is meant to be this 'progressive' and female-centred, it leans in on the laziest and most horrible of high school comedy tropes - the horny teacher who beds the student! And like cliche dictates it is always a female teacher and male student because even a film as allegedly "progressive" as this is self-aware enough to know that if the sexes were reversed they couldn't / wouldn't get away with it.

In an age of #MeToo and #TimesUp the idea that a female filmmaker would go with this iffy fuckin cliche in her debut movie and have no problem at all leaves a horrible taste over the back end of an otherwise pretty great little film... But yeah, definitely still check out BOOKSMART. Its progressive, millennial bullshit stance is complete piffle. But its comedic set-pieces are a lot of fun.

24. IT: CHAPTER TWO

I don’t understand anyone who's coming away from IT CHAPTER 2 complaining there's a lack of scares. There's not a lack of scares at all. The problem is there scattered across a running time that is not structured well enough to accentuate them. There were some moments where I very nearly jumped out of my seat and left because of their effectiveness - the pay-off to Bev returning home as teased in the trailer? Fuuuuuuck THAT!

I think it is fair to criticise its flabbiness though… How the hell its director can talk about his intentions for a four hour cut of this pushed up alongside a three hour cut of the first chapter as some sort of hope for the future feels insane - FOUR hours? This thing is ten minutes shy of three and it feels excessive!

The lack of discipline in the editing bay is quite possibly the reward that comes from delivering a $700.4 million return on a $35 million budget the first time round. That lack of discipline doesn't make for a film as focused as it needs to be... Once you realise an hour in that the story structure is one in which each character is split off to revisit their past and then each character is then going to be given a 'teachable moment', you realise that you've essentially got to watch the same plot point be repeated SIX times round each time. And from a narrative perspective that's both annoying and exhausting, frankly.

Hand on heart though, it's a minor quibble overall because what is there is effective as hell and very entertaining. Think of it cinematically as too big a portion of a great frickin meal... It's a hypocritical complaint also because ultimately there is so much joy in watching these actors go at playing these characters (Bill Hader is an absolute marvel in this and Jessica Chastain lives up to the 'dream casting' suggestion the minute Sophia Ellis turned up in the first one!)

It may well be overlong by a good thirty minutes but it is still an incredibly scary, funny ride... just with a denouement that, once again, shows how hard it is to deliver the climactic goods when Stephen King has given you such utter excrement to work with.

23. THE GANGSTER, THE COP, THE DEVIL

I watched this and flat-out loved it - yet another reminder that you can spin the dial and pick a genre, any genre, and the reality is that South Korea are delivering the best efforts in it nowadays. This is a big, broad, bombastic slice of action pulp that has its cake as a thriller/procedural and eats it as a blockbustery burst of car chases and violent dust-ups.

The remake rights for this are with Stallone and that's a scary prospect really coz if there's one thing problematic about that guy is that he's not ~great~ with playing "evenly" (the stories that came off the CREED II production are terrifying!).

22. AT THE HEART OF GOLD

I watched this with my wife and the both of us just kept shooting aghast and pained looks at one another the longer it went on.

Forensic documentary studies like this are a big interest to me but this was a gruelling yet kind of inspiring watch because it did the right thing in putting the victims front and centre from the get go and throughout.

Child abuse is an abhorrent thing. Doubly so on a scale like this. BUT when you're watching the revelations that it was so commonly known to be going on and covered up to the extent and at the level it was? That is just... there's just no words!

Fantastic little documentary though. If you think you know the full facts on this, you don't! And if the last 4 years are any indication, our generation have found our own Errol Morris coz Erin Lee Carr is responsible for 4 of the best documentaries in that time with this, I LOVE YOU NOW DIE, THOUGHT CRIMES and MOMMY DEAD & DEAREST.

21. ABDUCTED IN PLAIN SIGHT

I find that once in a while there's a true crime documentary so flat-out, jaw-droppingly fuckin... out there, that most of its enjoyment isn't in how utterly astounding it is but mostly the fun you have in telling people the details of it and watching them incredulously go "Fuck the fuck off! This didn't happen? Surely not!"

I saw this in early January when no one was talking a single word about it here in the UK and I spent roughly three months banging on and on about it to anyone and everyone and, sure enough, everyone looked at me like I was mad and kept saying "Fuck the fuck off! This isn’t a real thing, surely??” Then it landed on Netflix and… everyone went bonkers!

It is a tight 90 minute uncomfortable, grim, totally incredulous jaw-dropper detailing what are two of the STUPIDEST parents and the most horribly manipulative paedophile you could imagine. You've GOT to check this out because without this documentary no one would EVER believe the story of… ** SPOILERS here on out ** ... the most horribly manipulative paedophile you could imagine, who moves his family into the house next to a husband and wife with three daughters, befriends them, tricks the dad into giving him handjobs, seduces the mum into heavy-petting sessions - all with the intent of lowering their defences so he can get access to their youngest 11 year old daughter... who he abducts, manipulates by pretending to be an alien into believing there's an alien invasion that can only be prevented by her having his baby and sneaks across to Mexico once she's 12 so he can marry her. Then he gets arrested by the FBI, brought back to America, uses his previous intimate dalliances with BOTH parents to blackmail them into dropping the charges, re-seduces the mother into a long-term sexual relationship, reabducts the young daughter, hides her in a boarding school, poses as a CIA agent and...

... and... and... not one single element of this is UNTRUE! What the FUCK, right?!?

20. MIDSOMMAR

There's issues to be had with this in the sense that at two and a half hours it is needlessly self-indulgent and from a storytelling point of view it suffers like many from that flaw of walking in the wake of THE WICKER MAN's story beats without finding much in the way of variation.

However, it is exceptionally well directed and the building of tension and concern (despite knowing exactly where it will inevitably go) is impressive. It basks in its weirdness and then seemingly delights in getting weirder... You can say you've heard this story before but you won't have SEEN it told with imagery quite like this. The whole shebang wouldn't work half as effectively if not for the performances and they really are great here. Florence Pugh is quite exceptional. She joins Toni Collette in what will clearly be Ari Aster's roster of "Tremendous Performances That Deserve Awards But Won't Get Them".

By the film's end you come to realise the film is leaning into THE WICKER MEN comparisons purposefully - to show us what that movie would look like today, in Trump's America: Obnoxious Americans pissing up against and fucking around with longstanding tradition and history.

19. Us

Ignore all of the bullshit 33,000+ deep dive 'think pieces' spewed out across the internet about this and just judge it for what it is: a great horror thrill-ride with some terrific jump scares etc. but it's not without its flaws. For one, it's too strong a film to get landed with that big and lazy an info-dump conclusion... especially one that kind of clunks against what's gone before - but then, as much as we're clearly not meant to call Jordan Peele out on anything it seems, he IS a vastly superior director then he is a writer if this effort is anything to go by.

Was it really, really requiring of those penetrative essays though on what it "really" means or what Peele's hidden intent was? Could it not just be that the guy made a great horror film with all the very clear subtext of a Romero or Carpenter classic, and there's just nothing more to it than that? Because that's how I’m taking it. Because if I don't and I do actually have to wade through all this internet word clunge about how US is "really" about "the effects of classism and marginalisation" or how the antagonists are "effigies of situational classism", I'd write the film off as a failure of achieving its intent.

To dress it up as more than a relentless, scary cat-and-mouse shocker is like trying to put a monocle on a pig and call it a professor.

18. WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOUR

I went into this as a British person completely unfamiliar with Fred Rogers or any of his past work / impact on America and came away completely reverential to the man and what he stood for and achieved across generations. So much so that this documentary completely changed my outlook on a lot of things. It certainly changed the approach I take in how I communicate with my own children now.

It’s a heartwarming, inspirational ode to a clearly great man and I urge everyone to watch it and allow Mr Rogers to give your jaded perspective on life a reinvigorating kick in the butt.

17. APOLLO 11

This really is magnificent. The 70mm archival footage makes the whole thing make it look like you're watching a big studio blockbuster... and not actual real never-before-seen footage from decades ago.

There's moments within this that are just astounding and intoxicating, making you become completely engulfed in something even though you are well versed in what the outcomes are.

16. LONG SHOT

This was the surprise delight of the year. It was very lovely, fun and funny with a great cast being just thoroughly delightful. Charlize Theron is very rarely utilised in comedy (ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Season 3 was so long ago) which is a shame coz she's really gifted, as is proven here - the scene where she does hostage negotiation on molly is one of the funniest scenes of the year!

Seth Rogen makes the sort of stuff that is just game-set-match for my particular sensibilities (40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN to SUPERBAD to KNOCKED UP to PINEAPPLE EXPRESS to OBSERVE & REPORT is in itself an all-timer run that puts him up there with Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy and Albert Brooks) and this is a further reflection of that.

They should never have changed the title to something this generic. And it could comfortably lose 15 minutes here or there. But they're minor niggles for a romcom that we'll still be holding in high regard for years to come. And June Diane Raphael SHOULD get awards for the graft she puts in here. She won’t because films like this never get respect like that, but she totally should.

15. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM

I flat out loved this (though I still maintain that I don’t even think the star and the director themselves have referred to the film by its 'full name') and I would be more than happy to see an entry to this franchise every two years if they're of this calibre.

CHAPTER 2 had me worried because it looked like there was a limit to just how much 'throwing people down to the ground and shooting them in the head with CGI gunfire and blood added in on top' you could push into a film before it felt tiresome but this completely circumnavigates all worry around that by dialling up the 'quirk' factor which has always been this franchise's most bizarro and interesting element.

And the introduction of Halle Berry to 'the floor' led to a stand-out set-piece that was nothing short of astounding!

I WOULD however have preferred it if this film had adopted a bit of the ol' VH1 Pop-Up Video Show (remember THAT??) approach and just stuck a bubble up during the motorbike sequence that said "We stole this wholesale from THE VILLAINESS because we know it’s unlikely you saw that movie!")

14. READY OR NOT

I offer up the heartiest of recommendations for this - an absolutely first class horror comedy that finds a delightfully irreverent spin on the cat-and-mouse / slasher movie. It really is the ‘little movie that could’ of 2019 that offers up way, way, way more than its marketing and log-line suggest. It’s very funny and has some truly effective jump-scares and, best of all, it has a great ensemble cast doing great work. Double-bill it with KNIVES OUT and thank me later!

13. ARCTIC

This really worked as an effective, throw-you-into-the-mix survival thriller. Mads Mikkelsen is terrific and he really sells the hell out of it.

You don't know just how successfully it has burrowed under your skin and pulled you along on the ride until the final five minutes when you're screaming "NO!" at the screen.

12. AD ASTRA

I still can’t believe this flopped. I genuinely can’t. It's fair to say it doesn't quite stick its landing in making the end of the journey as narratively thrilling as what it took to get there but it doesn't matter - the journey itself is a sumptuous, thrilling and truly exquisite ride taking an easy "APOCALYPSE NOW in space" label and delivering something so, so much more.

For anyone who grew up with any "sins of the father" issues this will act as a ten ton weight dropped onto their chest.

... It also has space pirates and space monkeys!

11. MARRIAGE STORY

The plaudits are all well-earned and I’m saying this as someone who's connected with very little of Baumbach's work other than THE SQUID & THE WHALE.

It's a genuinely enthralling watch due to a fantastic group of actors being set loose to do tremendous work; Adam Driver is superb and Scarlett Johansson raises her game considerably to go toe-to-toe with him but Laura Dern, Ray Liotta and Alan Alda deliver a trio of masterclasses under one roof.

(If there's ANY justice whatsoever in awards season Alda will split everything Best Supporting Actor related with Joe Pesci… He won’t, because there is no justice when it comes to the vast majority of awards season but that is not to say he doesn’t deserve it!)

This is a delicately crafted piece - where your favoured side in a fight you feel you really shouldn't be privy to, is expertly switched around - that comes from a very obvious place of truth.

10. STAND-OFF AT SPARROW CREEK

I really, really liked this. I can see it's a film I'll go back to quite a few times over the years and see if I can spot the 'turn' because, first time round if I’m honest, I very much did not see the reveal coming.

It's a great little film. The performances are terrific (James Badge Dale is the best actor of our generation, frankly) and Henry Dunham has delivered a hell of an interesting film - all long shots into dark corners of a big dank space, scenes shot with natural torchlight and headlight beams. It's never not interesting to look at.

It's essentially RESERVOIR DOGS re-spun so the diamonds are replaced with missing fire arms and the back alley warehouse in LA is replaced with a militia compound in backwoods America.

9. KNIVES OUT

I found this to be a tremendous amount of fun; the somewhat obvious result that is birthed from a great writer/director putting a terrific script in front of an exceptional cast, designing a fabulous set for them to let loose inside of and then stepping out of their way for quality to reign.

There's a barely tolerable Edgar Wright version of this where the filmmaking is of course "the star", the editing is distracting and the music is purposefully kitschy.

This very much isn't that.

It's decidedly UNshowy and by being so comfortable in its own skin, emulating a classic style of storytelling not so much told anymore, it really stands out as an excellent piece of original cinema.

8. DOLEMITE IS MY NAME

I urge you all to completely buy the hype: DOLEMITE IS MY NAME is every bit as fantastic as everyone is saying and Eddie Murphy is like awards-worthy great in it.

You don't have to have seen DOLEMITE to have fun with this but having done so certainly accentuates it.

It's very funny, surprisingly moving and is a genuinely great ode to the importance of following your passions and not letting anyone stifle your creative aspirations... Hell, if this thing existed 25 years ago I myself would be as prolific as Lee fuckin Childs by now.

Da'Vine Joy Randolph gives THE best supporting actress performance of the year. From straight-up out of nowhere.

Genuinely can't wait to watch this a few more times down the road.

7. AVENGERS: ENDGAME

I think there's two ways of looking at AVENGERS: ENDGAME - as a film in its own right with an atypical start, middle, end, etc. AND as a piece of cinematic event-level entertainment.

In the case of the former, it is pretty damn great though not entirely without its flaws:

Give the narrative set up and logical lay out a single seconds thought and this entire thing crumbles to the ground. On top of that, it takes a while to bed down and get going and its tonal scattershot approach across the first forty-odd minutes is a little jarring. Quite literally you're coming out of that first hour with your head-spinning from laughing and then getting whipped into sombre, dour moments... slapped with narrative leaps and 'we're putting the team back together' beats.

Then the 'points of purpose' settle in and quite frankly we're off to the fucking races, man. Captain Marvel is a repeated, annoying goddamn useless 'deus ex machina' and the entire use of Paltrow/'Rescue' is just irritating. BUT everything 45+ minutes is so, so, so, so flipping ACE that shit like that can't even destabilise it.

There's critics out there deriding this as 'Fan Service: The Movie' and, you know what, damn fucking straight it is and there's nothing wrong with that.

(Although it could be argued that a clunky 'let's put all the women together in one shot' moment that lands with a thud is 'fan service' taken too far and not pitched within proceedings well enough for it to be anything other than cloying.)

The entire middle hour of these three hours is a play within a play; only the play its playing in just happens to be TWENTY-TWO OTHER MOVIES!

They could have phoned this in haaaaaard by this point and it is so, so, so commendable that they didn't. Hell, a lot of the films problems lie in the fact that they tried as hard as they did to really do doing something you wouldn't be expecting with this!

As an 'event', there will never be anything like this again in my lifetime, I don’t think. I knew this walking out of it. There'll be more JUSTICE LEAGUE type failed rip-offs. Marvel themselves will try and replicate it with the law of diminishing returns playing into effect. But there will NEVER be something so accomplished from something so long-form on such a grand stage as this again as far as I’m concerned.

6. CRAWL

I’ve went back for multiple viewings of this and absolutely LOVED it even more each time.

It's a lean, bullet-fast, brutal B-movie creature feature that does not fuck around: There is a complete lack of JAWS like foreboding, skulking around... This is straight-up, in your face, nasty, fast carnage. Anyone going in expecting a knowing, winking PIRANHA 3D / SNAKES ON A PLANE type deal is in for a hard slap.

It's pitch perfect entertainment in the sense that it grabs you and then just keeps turning the screws ("Oh, she's battling an alligator in a flooded crawlspace!" "Aww, man! It's a full on storm and there's TWO alligators now!" "Holy Fuckballs - There's MANY alligators and a hurricane now??").

The last 25 minutes alone are an all-out, relentless assault upon your ability to breathe steadily.

This is the best B-movie of 2019!

5. DRAGGED ACROSS CONCRETE

My wife and I are big fans of S. Craig Zahler's BONE TOMAHAWK and BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 (two of the best films of the last decade) even though it's becoming more and more apparent he's quite far from our own political stance.

This, Zahler's latest effort, drops the latent suggestion and presents its right-wing, racist immoral world view with no restraint or apology. And regardless of your political stance, if you're there for the story and the filmmaking craftsmanship you'll find this to be tremendous stuff.

It's like a cut-price, gutter level version of Michael Mann's HEAT; a tale of cop and criminal convergence, told at a thoroughly unhurried and unconcerned pace... Only Zahler would think to interrupt his narrative to propose a short story within the story (about a mother returning from maternity leave) that's only there so that he can hurt you with it.

Mel Gibson's presence here laid up against the subject matter is the very definition of provocative and contentious but there's no getting around the fact that he is as tremendous an actor as he is an awful, awful human being. And by all counts he's REALLY very awful.

Gibson is every shade of ace in this and he's ably supported by Vaughn, who's rightly leaning away from the comedic persona he's broken too badly.

This is a languid, unapologetically nasty film but it's also an excellent one. It's so not for everyone but if you've liked BONE TOMAHAWK and BRAWL IN CELL BLOCK 99 then this is a must. In fact, it's both easily Zahler's best film and one of the best films of the year.

4. MISSING LINK

I think this really is an absolute jewel and I can't understand why more folk aren't screaming about it. It's very funny and visually wondrousness (that boat-in-the-storm INCEPTION homage action sequence is fabulous). The magnitude of talent that would have gone into making this via stop motion... knowing that it takes one week to complete one to two minutes of useable footage!

The creases in the texture of each characters clothing as they move too? WOW! I’ve always adored Laika's output but this was the first for me where the sheer care and attention to detail really shone!

For one, it's easily one of the funniest movies of the year. For another, it looks totally gorgeous. And best of all, it gives kids their very own GUNGA DIN / RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK cinematic adventure type experience.

3. FORD VS. FERRARI (aka LE MANS ’66)

I’m so glad in the same very year where ‘Film Twitter’ nearly blew itself up over the ‘Marvel / Tentpole Cinema / Scorsese / No original studio films anymore’ debate, I got to experience something as majestic and very nearly perfect as FORD VS FERRARI (aka LE MANS '66).

It's got such a tremendous old fashioned style to it that I hope they do what they did with LOGAN and give us a black and white edition and we have 60s era style movie credits to open and close it. It's that kind of movie.

Yet at the same time it manages to display all the high end technical filmmaking majesty backed up by wall-to-wall terrific performances (only Josh Lucas lets the side down with his inability to deliver anything above unsubtle, cartoonish panto villainy).

It's a gorgeous, kinetic, enthralling and by the end a surprisingly tender and moving piece of cinema. I completely adored it.

2. ONCE UPON A TIME IN… HOLLYWOOD

I fell in love hard with Tarantino's ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD straight-out-the-gate and fell harder with repeated viewings. It's a beautifully shambolic, meandering 'day in the life' sort of deal that plays out as a dry, knowing comedy with a sideline in impending, escalating dread... before becoming, well, something else entirely that's so shocking and out of left field that it feels so courageous because of how swiftly it will divide a viewer.

What's so monumentally lush about it is that it is made by a cinematic craftsman who is essentially writing a love letter to everything he adores/adored about a very specific time in a very specific place within the industry that made him. It is framed, lit and shot with aplomb but on top of that every single thing inside of the frame is chockfull of things that are background noise to somebody and yet incredibly meaningful, funny and knowing to true TV and cinema fans.

If there's any complaint to be made about this movie it's that Tarantino's continued insistence on shoe-horning Zoe Bell into his films is absolutely hurting his product: The woman can't act, can't judge the tone of a scene, is flat-out incapable of putting in a performance consistent with what is going on around with other actors and she is routinely a very hard, very annoying distraction that draws you straight out of the film.

You could argue that it is a listless movie because, in the conventional sense people expect of a narrative, does anything truly happen in the atypical Act 1, Act 2 and Act 3 type of way. But I'd counter-argue that all the enjoyment is in just spending time watching these characters move around and interact with one another.

Knowing the history of Sharon Tate and what happened to her at the hands of The Manson Family fills the entire proceedings with a sense of nausea-inducing nervousness about what we're going to see and to what degree. It's like a pressure valve sat in the background, slowly filling and expanding and just waiting to explode. That it eventually does but in the manner it does, is... well it's audacious... and yet questionable... and still entertaining as hell.

1. THE IRISHMAN

Without a hint of exaggeration, at least once a day every day since I first saw this film I’ve found myself thinking back to both DeNiro's "phone call" scene of which no words would convey its brilliance and Pacino's final scene and the sound he makes in it. The former is genuinely just one of the most haunting, astoundingly natural pieces of acting you'll see from a truly great actor you'd kind of forgot was capable of going to places like this.

This really is a straight-out-the-gate, instant, flawless, completely majestic work of art. It is a master craftsman signing off on a genre he revolutionised in much the same way Clint Eastwood closed down his connection to the western with UNFORGIVEN.

It is three and a half hours long and it doesn't feel remotely close to that... and that's saying something considering most of the film's real awesomeness lies in scenes that are allowed to breathe and just sit or in points being driven home through the repetition in the mundanity of these characters' lives. Because that's the other thing that's really terrific about it - it's not a re-tread of GOODFELLAS or CASINO; there's nothing remotely glamorous about this 'life' - Scorsese presents it as this 'working class stiff' gig where being the right-hand man to some of the most powerful crime figures and industry heads of the 50s, 60s, 70s, etc is really not all that higher up past being a truck driver in the same era.

The much-talked about de-ageing stuff on the actors is a little jarring at first (the first scene of DeNiro in his late 20s or something makes you squelch in your seat a little and think "Fuck, this is going to be bad isn't it?") but it settles in and gets much better as the timelines between character and actor shorten - the work on Pacino in particular is first rate.

The performances are across the board superb - DeNiro and Pacino in particular are so bloody brilliant here that it wakes you up to how fallow and shit they've been for so long. But really, this is Pesci's movie. He gives what is the performance of the year by turning in a really human, considered turn... and in the process circumnavigating the expectations that comes from having this particular actor in this particular genre with this particular director.

Not enough reviews talk about how extremely fuckin funny the movie is - and it is very laugh out loud funny with some of the lines and interactions (Pacino and Stephen Graham together are hilarious!) - and no words accurately describe how truly sad and surprisingly moving it is in the final stretch.

... I don't believe a single word of the source material it’s based on but it's resolutely not important to have to buy into the ('fake'?) memoir in order to appreciate the film adaptation as this massive, majestic piece of cinematic myth making - one that I genuinely can't wait to see again many times over the years!

[ell-bent]

It’s Complicated

Back in the spring of 2016, my friend tried to kill himself.

All the details I received at the time were secondhand, things I didn’t really understand until they were retold and retold again later. He wasn’t my “friend” per say at the time, rather a friend of a friend with whom I shared some experiences. We’d known each other for a solid year and a half, but never really hung out; more just existed in the same spaces while other people were hanging out with each other, which usually involved smoking weed. Which was fine.

               Anyway, this kid was super fucked up. As the extreme, literally life threatening drama poured into my phone via a variety of messages, I felt for this kid I hardly knew but still cared about. Does he need help? I thought to myself. Is there anything I can even do?

               No, I assumed. Plus my mom was in town and staying at my apartment so I couldn’t just invite this relatively strange and definitely fairly fucked up person over to sleep on my couch.

               Essentially what happened over the next couple days was a domestic shit show involving the destruction of friendships, relationships, and a band. The details are sensitive in nature and to this day I’m not sure if I can accurately construct a complete narrative, so I’ll spare you.

               Basically no one was friends anymore, everyone was sad, and some people were in danger. Nothing ended well and everything was awful. Another reminder: I was a step removed from this situation, watching it like a doomed train I couldn’t avoid.

               Fast forward a month and a half or so. I make the snap decision (very snap, I am not great at making responsible, well thought out decisions, ) to run down to Baltimore to see the last show of my favorite band’s tour—a band I knew would Jon (the kid I’ve been talking about) would probably also like.  I sent him a text and asked him to come, and he actually said yes,  which came as a genuine surpirse. I was and still am used to solo adventures, and even though I love them companionship is also nice, especially at a concert.

               Much more to my surprise, he offered to let me stay at his place. He lived with his parents a little bit outside of Baltimore and had an extra bedroom or something, so apparently it wouldn’t be any trouble. It beats riding the 1:47am bus out of a random Baltimore bus stop and getting home to Jers’ around 6am. In return, I bought his ticket to the show.

               Mind you, at this point I’d never really hung out with Jon one-on-one before—just in a group setting, once on a double date, at some parties (both Dinner and Typical House.) So I was kind of nervous to meet his parents, who knew very little about me besides the fact I was Matt’s, his best friend at the time, girlfriend. And here I was, a strange girl about to stay at their house who bought him a concert ticket.

               Jon is not (or at least not at the time) much of a conversationalist. He’s just quiet until you get to know him.  We talked at the concert a little, about what he’s been up to since he’s been home, if/when he’s going back to Nashville. I can’t really remember the answers to any of these questions; we talked a little bit about medication and stuff. I don’t remember much of the show, just that it was really fuckin’ cool, as their shows always are.

               His mom picked us up after and we drove back to his house, which was farther away but the exact size that I expected. I put my stuff in the room provided to me that was filled with photographs of young Johnny and his sister, who seemed to be the Golden Child. There’s always a golden child. Usually the golden child is not the one with aggressive and expensive neurological issues such as ourselves.

               After throwing my stuff on the bed I walked downstairs and watched hockey with Mr. Jon’s Dad (sparing last name) while Jon grinded up some weed on the table right in front of him.

               I was thrown off but not surprised. I knew Jon’s parents were OK with him smoking but I had also always assumed that it was a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy; ignorance is bliss. But there he was, packing a bowl at the table, while his father sat in the recliner watching the Penguins highlights.

               Mr. Jon’s Dad was also a quiet guy—we made cheap conversation about the playoffs and whatever hockey information I could coherently rattle off. Eventually he went to bed, and jon and I sat alone and watched How it’s Made.

               You know those nights where you stay up until three in the morning and talk about both everything and nothing? And you don’t really know how or why you end up talking about these things but it happens ridiculously unexpectedly and it’s just really cool? This was one of those nights—one of the strangest and important of my life.

               Of course we talked about deep things and laughed and I gave him advice, but now I just don’t know if any of it was real. I thought the motivation and intent were pure—we both need friends and support and some sort of person who understood what the other was going through. I thought I helped him, and he helped me too.

               Over the next couple months I kept a virtual eye on him—still nervous he was going to hurt himself and unwilling to lose a friend. I called him to remind him to take his meds even though I was sure I was annoying him. There was one time I saw a suspicious tweet and called him at 12:30am.

               He helped me get through my break up, encouraged me to just be honest with Matt about my feelings, that it was best to just do it. I told Jon as soon as Matt and I backslid in February, asked him for advice. Because he knew Matt so well, he was a confidant on the inside, and gave insight when he felt like he could.

               Jon and I only ever hung out a few times one on one, and yet I considered him one of my closest friends, even though I was never positive he didn’t feel the same.

            But I slept with Jon a few months ago, which was probably one of the biggest mistakes of my entire life.  It negated something that was an unnecessarily huge turning point in my existence.  

I went over to his apartment right before I left Nashville indefinitely and had already planned to stay the night. I picked up a 12 pack of Miller High Life and I drank most of it. We just sat and watched Rick and Morty and Bill Maher and some other shit I don’t care to remember, me tipsy (if not straight up drunk), and him stoned as could be. I’d spent the past week or so couch surfing, making my rounds of Nashville to say goodbye.

As we watched whatever it was we were watching, we slowly inched closer together, to the point where his arm was awkwardly around my shoulder while I rested my head on his. I kept thinking to myself how simply bad of an idea this was; he was a good friend, he was my ex’s best friend, this could negate everything. But Drunk Ellie was horny and lonely, and hadn’t felt emotionally close to anyone in a few months, and hated herself already; why not add a little more on top?

He asked if I wanted to just sleep in the bed; initially I said no, but of course changed my mind. “I guess I will,” I said. “God knows I’m not gonna be able to sleep in an actual bed for a while.”

So I crawled in next to him (wearing a bra, a tshirt and leggings), and didn’t get far before we started playing footsie, which then lead to other obvious things.

Afterwards, the first thing he said, something I’ll never forget, was “I’ve been thinking about that for a long time.” Reluctantly, I responded “Me too.” We talked some more, I asked him my post-sex question that I ask everyone, and eventually went to bed.

The next morning I left pretty early to head to whatever my next destination was. Here was a fairly accurate representation of the conversation we had, which surprisingly wasn’t that awkward.

Me: Thanks for the hangs.

Jon: Yeah dude, no problem.  It was good to see you.

Me: Let me know if you’re ever in NYC, It’d be really nice to see you.

Jon: Yeah totally. I think my friend Olivia and I might go up there over the summer sometime.

Me: That’d be sweet. See ya.

This exchange might objectively seem awkward, yet somehow it wasn’t. It was just us.

The next day or whatever,  I texted him asking what had been bothering me for the past 24 hours. I don’t want to go back and look at how I phrased the question because I don’t really want to see the answer in text form again.

“Soooo how long is a long time lol”

“Idk, since like freshman year? You?”

“Idk a while, but I was with Matt”

He hasn’t responded to me since.

Jon’s a year younger than me, and I had just graduated. We had both dated other people; seriously dated other people, within that time.  And yet it was in the back of his mind for two and a half years? I didn’t know whether to be flattered or insulted. All I knew to be was confused.

So much had happened between Jon and Matt and I in the past year. Jon encouraged me in breaking up with Matt. He was there to talk me through the aftermath. When Jon and I hung out back in May, it was admittedly charged but morally forbidden to the both of us.

Was Jon’s support all a long-game effort to get in my pants? Was the friendship and support I offered him misconstrued as capital F Feelings? Had I not realized I had feelings for him? It crossed my mind, quiet selfishly, that maybe he at one point has feelings for me.

Regardless, I appear to have lost a good friend. And it makes me sad every day.

[therealkn]

David’s Resolution: Day -3

Day -3 (December 29, 2018)

It Happened One Night (1934)

“Do you love her?” “A normal human being couldn’t live under the same roof with her without going nutty. She’s my idea of nothing!” “I asked you a simple question! Do you love her?” “YES! But don’t hold that against me. I’m a little screwy myself.”

I had decided on this resolution just after Christmas 2018, and I decided “Screw it, let’s get an early start on it.” One of my Christmas gifts was a jigsaw puzzle that showed a bunch of old movie posters, so being in that old movie mindset after finishing the puzzle with my mom (who loves jigsaw puzzles), I decided to watch an old movie. And I picked this one.

This was basically the film that made Frank Capra the name he is today. We remember Capra as one of the big-name filmmakers of the Golden Age of Hollywood, with films like this, Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (which was later remade as an Adam Sandler film in 2002...), Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (one of many awesome movies to come out of the “golden year” of 1939), and It’s a Wonderful Life (one of the all-time classic Christmas movies). And this film, like those, is also classic. And really good.

This movie, however, falls into a category of movies that a lot of people know one scene from and literally nothing else. A lot of people only know this movie as “the one where Claudette Colbert pulls up her skirt and shows some leg to hitch a ride”, and to be fair, it is one of the most memorable scenes in the movie, enough that countless people have done parodies/homages/etc. to it over the decades. There’s plenty of other movies like this: I put the 1959 Ben-Hur with Charlton Heston in that category, as well as From Here to Eternity and Scanners. So what’s the movie actually about, then?

Here’s what it’s about: Colbert plays Ellie Andrews, a spoiled socialite who’s tired of dealing with her father, Mr. Andrews, and his controlling/overprotective behavior. He’s especially unhappy because Ellie has eloped with airplane pilot King Westley, and he’s so pissed off at this that he’s actually trying to get the marriage annulled. Granted, he wants it annulled because King Westley is more interested in the money than in Ellie, but try explaining that to a woman who wants to spite her father by doing what he hates. And that’s why she decides to literally jump ship, leaving her father’s yacht and swimming to shore so she can go cross-country to be with King Westley.

And then we meet our other star of the show: Peter Warne, played by Clark Gable, a recently-fired newspaper reporter who meets Ellie on a bus travelling from Florida (where Ellie’s father’s yacht was) to be with King Westley. He soon figures out who Ellie is and the two end up cutting a deal: he’ll help her travel to be with her beau, and in return she’ll give him exclusive rights to tell the story in the papers. What follows is one hurdle in their travels after another as they bicker and snipe at each other all the way, and love blossoms between the two, while Ellie’s father is desperately scouring the country in hopes of finding his runaway daughter.

There’s not really a whole lot to spoil, since it’s a mid-1930s romantic comedy, so it’s pretty clear that these two stars are gonna get together in the end. Seeing how it happens is the interesting part, and Gable and Colbert have great chemistry together. They play off each other well, and it feels very natural, none of it’s contrived or forced. It makes me care more about them because you go “Ooh, this will be interesting to see.” instead of “Oh joy, this shit again.” when you see them sticking to formula. Then again, you could say this movie helped establish that formula, so seeing how it was originally before so many imitated it may be part of the reason I feel this way.

It’s interesting to watch old movies from a modern perspective, and I find it fascinating to see where tropes and ideas originate. It Happened One Night basically introduced, or at least popularized, things we’ve seen in many romance and road movies since. For example, there’s the issues that lead to Ellie and Peter taking different modes of transportation (from bus to hitchhiking to walking), which would later be experienced by Steve Martin and John Candy in Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Or the idea of separating a sleeping area by hanging a blanket on a clothesline to act like a “wall of Jericho”, something that would be repeated in later works like the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion. There’s others as well, but I’ve seen a lot of things that did what this film did and it’s hard to filter out more specific examples.

That said, watching old movies with a modern perspective can be a problem because in some way you’re comparing this movie with what came after it and you can end up going “Why is this film a big deal?” It’s what TV Tropes calls “Seinfeld is Unfunny”: the phenomena of something being innovative, groundbreaking, revolutionary, etc. in its time, but as time passes and people take what it did and improve on it, build on it and all that, the original ends up seeming like it’s stale and dated and derivative.

A word of advice for people who watch older movies: to get in the right mindset to appreciate the movie and to avoid the “Seinfeld is Unfunny” effect, just tell yourself “Fuck everything that came after this. Don’t compare it to what came after it. Compare it to what came before it.” At least don’t compare it to what came after it or you’ll just disappoint yourself by thinking it’s not as good as what came afterwards.

Actually, it’s interesting to have something like a road movie in 1934, right in the middle of the Great Depression, since this was a time when not everyone owned a car, so buses were a principal form of transportation. Trains were too, but those were more expensive to ride. The movie also gives a little glimpse of what life was like in the Depression. This was a time when ten dollars could get you through a cross-country trip (I know, crazy, yes?), when motels had community showers and the rooms were all detached like little cabins, and when newspaper editors all sounded the same for some reason.

This actually reminds me of something I really liked about the film, and it regards two characters in the film: Ellie’s father Mr. Andrews, and the newspaper editor who was Peter’s boss. Both characters are introduced as somewhat belligerent and have their reasons to be, but over the course of the film, both are shown to actually be good people. Mr. Andrews is clearly worried sick about his daughter running off and like I said, it’s established that his major problem with Ellie’s marriage to King Westley is that King is basically more interested in her money than in her. He even tries to “buy off” King and compensate him for the annulment.

As for the editor... at first he’s your typical 1930s newspaper editor in the movies: fast-talking, not willing to take lip, and not really a sentimentalist. The first time we see him, he’s arguing with Peter over the phone and ends up firing him over the phone. As the film goes on, Peter talks to the editor about the Ellie Andrews story and that he’s following it, even convincing his editor to pay him right away for the story so he can get married to Ellie because he’s in love with her. His editor is initially dismissive at Peter saying he’s in love, but it’s suggested that after he reads Peter’s story, he realizes that he really does love Ellie and, when Peter feels like he’s lost Ellie and returns to his editor, drunk from his sorrow at losing Ellie and returning the money to the editor, the editor gives him some money and tells him to come back once Peter’s sobered up so they can talk about hiring him again. I just like seeing these tired tropes get twisted and seeing more dimensions to these stock character types, you know?

The third-act misunderstanding, by the way, is also well-done in this film. It plays very naturally, never feeling like it’s sticking strictly to formula and all the character interactions and emotions feel genuine, complete with more bickering and what may be one of the first instances of a runaway bride in film. Mr. Andrews, after meeting with Peter and realizing that Peter really does love his daughter and doesn’t care about the money (he didn’t even know that Mr. Andrews had put out a $10,000 reward for information on her whereabouts), even helps get the two together in the end, which is great to see.

I would recommend this movie. Ignoring the fact that it’s a classic that birthed a lot of things we’ve seen countless times in countless works afterwards, it’s a very solid romantic comedy with great chemistry between its leads, some really funny jokes and memorable moments, and a standout film from one of the Golden Age’s finest directors.

Next time: Robert Mitchum is a scary motherfucker.