#and this isn't even about choice but i'm just saying

[eregyrn-falls]

Okay so... this is really NOT Tiktok's fault. It would shock me if the origin of "Daisy Bell" being regarded as creepy *isn't* Kubrick's "2001: A Space Odyssey" from 1968. Here's the key scene:

(A clip from "2001: A Space Odyssey, 4:35 minutes long, of the Deactivation of Hal 9000. If this embed ever goes bad, go search for "deactivation of hal 9000" and I'm sure you'll find it.)

I'm going to guess that anyone confused on this point has not watched this movie -- which is a famous science fiction classic, but it's also famously VERY LONG, dense, confusing, and many would say, boring. It has very good special effects for 1968, and I honestly HIGHLY recommend watching it because it's a classic of the science fiction genre, influential on pop culture, PLUS, it's kind of timely right now. It arguably started the conversation about Artificial Intelligence and its capacity for being a threat, and its pop cultural influence still colors the way we think of and talk about AI today.

Yes, it's slow-paced; that's partly due to film style in 1968, and partly due to deliberate choices about how to depict time and spaceflight. But if you want a lot of pop cultural references to click into place, find a copy, block out a few hours, sit back with your favorite snacks and beverage, and just watch it, all the way through.

Anyway... the key part of the above video comes at 2:50, but it's only 4 and a half minutes long (it will feel longer! again, deliberate), and I would say that watching from the start will give you a greater appreciation of the use of the song.

Basically -- the song is used in this movie BECAUSE OF the history of the IBM 7094 described above.

The thing a lot of people don't realize about "2001" is that it's a thriller and a horror movie. In all honesty, to appreciate the atmosphere of the above clip, it really, REALLY helps to watch the whole movie. However, if you're not going to, I'll give spoilers below, under a readmore. But since the clip above spoils that key moment, what I'll say is that the Hal 9000 shipboard computer, a true Artificial Intelligence (but nonetheless, a programmed computer, and that is a key thing), is being deactivated by disconnecting various memory and higher function modules. And as Dave Bowman does that, it is depicted as kind of doing a factory reset on Hal. So, at 2:50 above, Hal is knocked back to its initial greeting to a group of scientists or government agents when he was first activated, and he offers to sing "Daisy Bell" for them. THAT is absolutely a reference to the 1961 performance by the IBM 7094.

The reason it's creepy in the context of "2001" is because we're watching Hal "die", and singing "Daisy Bell" is kind of the last vestiges of Hal's sentient personhood disappearing.

But like... I would argue that the song wasn't included with the aim of making it creepy. My read on it is that the song was included to make Hal's death poignant. (And of course, remember that in 1968, the IBM 7094 had performed "Daisy Bell" only 7 years earlier; anyone watching the movie who kept up with science news would have heard about that, and might have seen footage of it.)

"2001: A Space Odyssey" would, as I said, come to be regarded as an extremely confusing and dense film. And once films like "Star Wars" came out less than a decade later, 2001's pacing would come to be seen as old-fashioned and boring, even though it was in great part a stylistic choice. (It was a movie meant to make routine spaceflight appear realistic, and so it was deliberately overturning expectations of fast-paced action that audiences would have had from kitschy scifi TV shows... yes, including the original Star Trek.)

But, despite what I'd characterize as the ambivalence of the audience towards the film, it DID leave a big imprint on pop culture. Today, if you ask people about "2001", they will probably have a few key impressions about the movie. First: oh my god, what the fuck was that ending??? Second: the Monolith, specifically the opening scene with the proto-humans (recently parodied at the start of the "Barbie" movie! More than 50 years later!). But then, I would argue, Third: the Hal 9000 computer, and probably this sequence of his deactivation.

The whole deal with the Hal 9000 was definitely meant as a cautionary tale. The audience is meant to be disturbed by what Hal does, and by Hal's end. (Arthur C. Clarke, who wrote "2001", wrote an entire sequel book that argues that Hal wasn't at fault for what happened; and that too was made into a movie in the 80s, "2010: Odyssey Two".)

Thus, this scene got referred to in popular culture again and again. To the point where almost nobody remembers WHY Hal sings "Daisy Bell", or that history with the IBM 7094. What they remember is how a cute, innocent song takes on a creepy, unsettling edge due to its context in the movie.

As I said, I don't really think that was Clarke's or Kubrick's aim. (Clarke wrote the screenplay of "2001" first, and was doing revisions on it as the film was being made. He only wrote the novel version after the film was completed.). But that was the effect. It seized public imagination, and became a reference point. And then, as these things do, it became regarded as a truism. "Daisy Bell" becomes ominous by association, and the public really never let that go.

Anyway, as promised, here's some spoilers:

So, the briefest synopsis of "2001: A Space Odyssey", lol:

(Short version: the Hal 9000 is the ai computer helping to run a spaceship on a mission to Jupiter. Hal winds up killing 4 of the 5 crewmembers, and tries to kill the 5th. Dave Bowman, the 5th crewmember, manages to fight back and deactivate Hal to save his own life. There are... reasons for all of this. Read on!)

There's this black Monolith, a featureless rectangle that is 1:4:9 (it's 11 feet high). We first see it in a dusty, desert landscape, surrounded by what appear to be apes, although it's also kind of clear that they are early hominids. (I'm not sure exactly what type; like, kind of like Australopithecus, but not that, exactly.). The early hominids are curious about the Monolith, and work up the courage to touch it. It makes an eerie noise. Soon after, one of the hominids pics up a large bone, and uses it to hit other things (and fellow hominids). The message: likely due to some influence from the Monolith, hominids have taken a developmental step in the direction of tool-use.

Millions of years later, in the near future, a man takes some routine spaceship flights to a moon base, on a top-secret mission. The secret is that U.S. explorations on the moon have excavated a Monolith, just like the first one. It's just sitting there. But it's very clear that it's not natural, so of course, the question is: where did it come from? Who put it there? The men all put on spacesuits and walk down into the trench to look at it. One of them touches it. The Monolith has been making an eerie noise, but then it suddenly lets out a piercing radio signal. The signal is determined to have been beamed in the direction of Jupiter.

So already -- this is kind of a thriller, because we've got this eerie thing, not made by humans, and it behaves in an eerie way. There's a mystery about what it is and where it came from, and if there is some alien intelligence behind it. So far so good!

Leap forward a few years to 2001, and two men are aboard a spaceship called the Discovery One. It's on a long flight towards Jupiter. The two men are awake and piloting the ship; there are three other men in cryogenic sleep, who are scientists. They'll be woken up when the ship reaches its destination. The two men are Dave Bowman and Frank Poole. They are assisted in running the ship by a computer with artificial intelligence, called the Hal 9000.

Hal tells the men that a radio antenna has failed and has to be retrieved. But when they bring it into the ship, the men realize there's nothing wrong with it. Hal can't explain the discrepancy, and suggests they replace the unit, and see if he detects it failing again; it might be the feedback that's faulty rather than the unit itself. But the two men become suspicious. They both get into an EVA pod (still docked in the ship), to discuss the situation where Hal can't hear them. They're worried about Hal's reliability, and decide to deactivate him. Unfortunately, Hal can SEE them, and can read lips.

Frank suits up and takes an EVA pod out to replace the unit. Hal sabotages the EVA pod and deliberately causes Frank's air line to be severed, which sends Frank tumbling away into space, untethered to anything. Dave suits up and takes another EVA pod to go rescue Frank. While Dave is out of the ship, Hal deactivates the cryogenic pods with the three sleeping scientists, killing them. Dave returns to the ship with Frank's body, but Hal will not open the door to allow the EVA pod back inside.

Dave manages to get back inside through manual controls. He enters Hal's processor core, and manually deactivates Hal -- that's the scene shown above. After Hal is deactivated, a video starts informing Dave of the ship's true mission -- investigating the radio signal that the Monolith sent towards Jupiter years before. Neither Dave nor Frank knew about the Monolith's discovery (it was top secret) or this mission -- but Hal did.

(It is not explained until that long-after sequel, "2010: Odyssey Two", but the reason why the Hal 9000 went rogue and killed or tried to kill all of the crew is because he *was* told about the ship's true mission, but then was instructed not to let Dave and Frank know about it. In the words of his original creator, Dr. Chandra, he was programmed to lie. That caused an irreconcilable clash of objectives for Hal, and he was programmed to protect the mission even at the expense of the human crewmembers. He had perceived the human crewmembers as jeopardizing the mission.)

Anyway, Hal is deactivated, Dave and the ship reach Jupiter, and discover a gigantic Monolith in orbit. Dave takes the EVA pod out to investigate it. He is pulled into what is referred to elsewhere (but not in the movie itself) as a "stargate". There follows a *really long* sequence in the movie of Dave (and the audience) being pulled through a vortex of trippy colored lights, accompanied by eerie sounds. It's clear this is having a profound affect on Dave.

The end of the film involves a lot of really confusing symbols. After the journey in the lights, Dave finds himself in an Earth-like apartment. He sees himself as an old man. He sees himself dying in a bed. Sometimes he sees himself, and sometimes he IS that old man. A Monolith appears at the foot of his bed, and, dying, he reaches for it. He is transformed into a giant fetus floating within a bubble in space, above the Earth.

End Credits.

So like... you can see how the movie is a thriller (involving secrets between governments, secret missions, and a mystery about a presumably alien... thing), and a horror movie (the entire sequence where Hal is murdering the crew, and Dave has to fight back against Hal to preserve his own life), and then... whatever the fuck that ending is about, which honestly is not something the movie up until that point hints is coming. I mean, it was 1968, so an extremely trippy ending that was at once abstract and philosophical wasn't out of step with the zeitgeist; but it still confused the hell out of a lot of people.

You won't be surprised to learn that even when it came out, the movie had very mixed reviews. Some people loved it, some people hated it. But it was so full of memorable set-pieces that a lot of those things ended up influencing pop culture anyway.

And one of those things is that "Daisy Bell" takes on an unsettling aura, due to its use in the movie.

Just to mention a couple more things: first, the decision was made to score the movie not with an original score, but with classical music. To this day, the opening notes of "Also Sprach Zarathustra" (by Richard Strauss, 1896) are associated with grandiose science fiction storytelling. The movie also used other recognizable pieces, like the "Blue Danube" waltz (by Johann Strauss II, 1867).

Finally: this is the second time that Kubrick took an old, popular song, and recontexualized it by using it in a movie. The first, of course, is his use of "We'll Meet Again", sung by Vera Lynn (1939), over the final sequence of nuclear explosions from the 1964 film "Dr. Strangelove: Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb". There, naturally, its use is dark and ironic, and since that's a film about Cold War paranoia, Kubrick used a popular song from WWII.

As I said, though -- the use of "Daisy Bell" in this movie was more directly connected to the history of computer development; Kubrick didn't pull it from nowhere, and it wouldn't surprise me if its inclusion in this sequence was suggested by Arthur C. Clarke, rather than Kubrick himself.

whoever decided to turn daisy bell into a spooky dookie creepypasta song is fucking evil. that computer was brave enough to sing us a delightful little song and you do THIS to him? thats hatsune mikus grandpa dude. fuck you

[iamthatonefangirl]

miss possessive - congressman bucky barnes

okay not my best work, i swear i have like nine drafts i've come up with in a week, none of them good enough to post.

this is inspired by miss possessive by tate mcrae even though i completely lost sight of the song really quickly

~~~

you really had no right to be so jealous.

you watched him from across the floor, sipping on your flute of champagne. you'd grabbed it off of one of those waiters' trays as they were walking about the room.

it tasted like shit. you didn't like the taste of wine, and it wasn't even enough to get you drunk.

you knew this kind of event was difficult for him to sit through, but hey, he made his choice going into politics.

you watched as he made his rounds, speaking to various donors and attempting to charm them. you watched as all their wives fawned over your-

no.

you watched as all their wives fawned over him, bringing him in for a hug instead of a handshake. of course they were interested; he was the best looking man here. yes, he was the oldest man in the room, but appeared to be the youngest and was, regardless, easily the most attractive. and all the thirty-some wives of the cranky old rich white men wanted him.

it pissed you off. not that you had the right to be pissed, but. oh well. you're just a girl.

after two flutes of champagne, you watch as one of the donors receives a phone call, leaving his wife with Bucky. ever the gentleman, he would never leave a woman all by herself in a room full of sharks who might try to snatch her up. 

Bucky was very much a different man than he was in the forties, of course. doesn't mean he lost the ability to attract every woman in the room.

you can't stand idly by as she puts his hands all over him, and he can't take his eyes off of her. no, of course he would never go for a married woman. what he did know, though, was that if he pissed her off, her husband wouldn't donate to his campaign.

you roll your eyes and decide it's time for some hard liquor.

you hide in the corner of the room, drinking your much stronger beverage as fast as possible. no, getting drunk at a professional event isn't the best idea, but what do you care. you're not the star of the show.

he is.

he's the brilliant ex-POW who's turned his entire life around in a whole new century. he's the gorgeous soldier who not only survived, but is also electing to do something meaningful with his life. 

he's the star tonight.

he's the star of every thought you have of your future, but that can't possibly come to surface now. it's not the time or place. 

watching him entertain this woman truly boils your blood, but at least you have some actual alcohol in your system now. you no longer feel the need to justify why her hands on his pristine suit makes you want to grab her by the diamonds around her neck and yank her off of him. you can justify your desire to grab him by the tie to pull him away from her and yell at him for not focusing on what's important. 

you bite your tongue. you knew it was all a ploy.

doesn't mean you had to like it. 

~~~

while you stand at the bar waiting for your second beverage of the evening, a man comes up next to you, and the bartender takes his drink order. 

you give him a small, awkward smile as you briefly make eye contact. you're kind of shocked: he's definitely the only man in this room who appears to be younger than 60, Bucky excluded.

you almost startle when he speaks up, introducing himself. Michael, he says his name is.

you turn to actually face him this time. roughly 40, plenty taller than you, and brown hair sprinkled with some greys in there. your perfect type. you quietly tell yourself you're done drinking–no way you're gonna fuck this up. if you weren't so mad about Bucky's new admirer, you might be a tad less inclined to speak to him, but… 

you step closer as you give him a real smile and introduce yourself.

"so, correct me if I'm wrong, but something tells me you're here alone tonight," he begins, indicating to your left hand. no ring. 

you laugh a little. 

"you would be correct," you tell him. "I could say the same about you."

he smiles back at you. it's so beautiful you forget all about your boss and the woman he's now got on his arm as he continues to walk around–

well. you almost forget. good enough.

"you would also be correct."

you explain why you're here, you work for one of the candidates. although, you don't tell him who, exactly. he explains why he's here, one of the patrons. you have to pry the information out of him, but you appreciate it: he's trying to talk to you without flashing his money in your face. it's noble, you think.

you eventually learn he's interested in actually getting to know the candidates' campaigns, not just what they think they can offer him in return for his money.

"you know, I would be happy to learn more about your boss' campaign. from one of the people who probably understands it best," he tells you. you're slightly taken aback for a moment, not aware this was a business interaction. you never even told him who your boss was, so it was confusing, to say the least.

you felt stupid for thinking he was actually interested, for thinking that he was flirting with you.

"oh, of course-" you begin to tell him, but he interjects, "after I take you out, perhaps?"

your smile perks back up subconsciously. so you didn't have it wrong.

"I would love that," you tell him, carefully taking the lapels of his jacket into your hands. you feel his hands come to your waist, and it's like a jolt of energy runs up your spine.

you look closer and almost flip your shit as you see his eyes up close. they're Bucky's eyes. he's not Bucky, sadly, but. 

you're fucked.

"maybe dinner can happen... another time?" you offer, hoping he gets the hint. you realize you probably look like a whore throwing yourself at him like this.

he chuckles. "I've got a room upstairs, if you'd like to come have drinks instead of dinner."

hell yes. you're gonna score tonight, even if it's not with the man you dream about with your hands between your legs every night-

"I would," you say, and bite your tongue. "I just... have to stick around until this thing is over. yeah?"

he nods and steps back. "I suppose I should also do what I came here for," he chuckles. "I'll come find you later?"

you smile and you feel your face go pink. "sounds good."

you can't help the fact that your gaze reverts immediately back to your boss the second the man walks off. Bucky hasn't spared you a single glance all evening, but the second you look back at him this time, you're suddenly staring into his beautiful eyes. 

he holds eye contact with you for what feels like an eternity. his expression is muted, no real emotion showing. maybe... curiosity?

of course he's not going to look mad, or upset, or jealous. you have to stop thinking he'd ever look at you with anything other than pure professionalism.

because he's everything. and you're just a kid, lost in the world, desperately in love with your boss, and everything is fucking falling apart around you.

at least you've got a rich, hot, older man ready to fuck you tonight.

~~~

you kept to your word to yourself and didn't drink for the rest of the night, although you continued hovering at the bar for the semblance of safety it provided.

you continued staring at Bucky for the next two hours. the clingy woman's husband had, in fact, returned and took her away from Bucky. clearly, she was pissed, but tried to hide it. you had to bite back a smirk.

he didn't look back at you once for the rest of the evening.

eventually, the crowd dies down. you realize that now, you have to explain to your boss that you won't be riding back to the office with him, effectively telling him your exact plans for the rest of the night. embarrassing!

you're almost ready to bite the bullet and bid Bucky a good night, scanning the room for him, when you hear a voice from behind you. 

"we still on for drinks?"

you plaster a smile on your face as you turn around to the man standing behind you.

"absolutely," you say, taking his hands. "lead the way."

you begin to follow the man, telling yourself to try and remember to shoot your boss a text to 'not worry about you' before getting your clothes torn off by this man who's currently whisking you away.

you get into the elevator with him, what's his name, you think? oh, Michael, and yank him in hard, crashing your mouths together, putting all of your energy into how badly you need this.

you're startled by the sound of a clanging of metal, ripping your mouth away from the man's and turning to face the noise.

well, apparently, you were too eager and stupid enough to not wait for the elevator doors to entirely shut, because you see now that the noise was a result of Bucky's vibranium arm grabbing the elevator door. he pushes it open and steps inside, eyes piercing daggers through you the whole time.

you stand there, appalled. the man gently pulls away from you, reaching out a hand to attempt to shake Bucky's hand.

"Mr. Barnes, it's a pleasure," he begins. "my apologies for this... less than ideal meeting."

Bucky doesn't even look at the man, eyeing you up and down, taking in your smudged lipstick and the way your dress is slightly out of place.

the man attempts once more to interject. "Mr. Barnes, please, don't worry about her. why don't us men go back downstairs and have a real discussion? I'd love to hear more about your campaign."

wait. why do his words sound like they're throwing you under the bus, almost?

Bucky notices it, too, you realize. he tilts his head in the man's direction before actually averting his gaze to look at him.

"and leave the lady all by herself?" he asks.

"don't worry about that. she's... inconsequential. if you and I can just go back downstairs and–"

"what did you just say?" Bucky asks. you swear he doesn't look like your boss anymore, but someone... else.

the man is taken aback by Bucky's demeanor. his mouth gapes like an idiot.

"you do know this is my assistant, right?" Bucky asks him. the man's face goes pale as the pieces slot together in his head.

"Mr. Barnes, my apologies, truly," he says.

you just stand there feeling more stupid than ever. inconsequential? wow, okay. you almost don't even care that he's dismissing your entire existence, but you can't stand the fact that he's doing it in front of Bucky. you care more about what Bucky thinks of you than literally anyone else, and now? now he's going to see you as a fucking slut who isn't even good enough for a man to commit to for one night.

god, you're pathetic.

"shouldn't you be apologizing to her?" Bucky grits.

the elevator doors open to the man's floor, and he mumbles a sorry under his breath as he runs out.

great. not only do you look pathetic in front of your boss, but you're not getting fucked tonight, either. just great.

the doors shut behind Bucky, who has now returned his gaze to you. you wonder if he's going to press the button to go back to the lobby.

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Mr. Barnes," you say, swallowing your embarrassment as you stand up straight and adjust your dress.

he just stares at you.

"what?" you ask.

"are you okay?" he asks, and he looks genuinely concerned.

you know he cares about you, you're his assistant, after all. but that's it.

"fine," you assure him, and begin to reach behind him to press the button to take you back down to the lobby.

he gently grabs your wrist before you can.

you look at him, confused. you know your face says it all.

"Mr.–" you begin.

"Bucky," he corrects.

"can I press the button, Mr. Barnes?"

he still hasn't let go of your wrist. you feel stupid for enjoying the feel of his metal hand against your skin, for getting to feel a part of him that's real.

"you know, you clearly picked out the worst of the men here tonight," he observes.

you roll your eyes and pull your wrist away from him before you do something stupid.

"are you kidding? this place was riddled with capitalist billionaires and politicians. like you," you say, smirking.

he chuckles a little.

you can't help yourself, though. can't let it go unsaid.

"clearly you had some interested parties of your own tonight."

he rolls his eyes and finally turns away from you, pressing the button for the lobby. you let out a quiet sigh of relief. being in this elevator any longer, with him? that would just about kill you.

"you noticed that, huh?" he asks.

"who didn't?" you mumble. but of course, he's not just a politician, he's an enhanced, so he hears it.

"look, I knew she was married, I was never going to-" he begins to explain, but you cut him off.

"oh, I don't care what she does in her own fucked-up marriage."

oh my god. what did you just say? did you just admit to the fact that the only reason you did care was because she was fawning over Bucky?

fuck.

the elevator doors open, and you rush out.

you can hear the smirk on his face as he trails after you.

"so, you were really going to sleep with that guy, huh?" he teases.

you stop in your tracks. most everyone has left by now, leaving only you and Bucky in the room aside from the clean-up crew. you turn back to face him.

"can we just go?"

he nods and calls for the car to come around.

~~~

twenty minutes, you remind yourself.

in twenty minutes, you'll have made it back to the office, and you can go get in your own car and take yourself back to your own place and you won't have to be sitting thigh to thigh with your boss in the back of a limo that would totally be hot to fuck in-

he clears his throat, and you turn your head to face him.

"what that guy said..." he begins. you roll your eyes in anger at the reminder. you didn't even care he said it, you just wish he hadn't said it in front of Bucky.

you wave your hand as though waving off the thought, and waving off Bucky's concern. but it doesn't quite work like that.

"you're not inconsequential."

he says it with such a conviction you feel it deep in your bones, in the very core of your being. he sounds so authentic that it almost hurts.

a million thoughts swirl in your head. you could say i know, you could get defensive, you could say thanks, Bucky...

a better one pops in your head.

"how did you know where I was? you didn't see me all evening."

the limo stops moving. the driver rolls down the divider to grumble something about traffic at this hour? before rolling it back up again.

great. now it's going to take even longer to get home to your vibrator.

Bucky sees the interruption as a way to drop the matter. you press it.

"Mr. Barnes?"

"god, would you stop calling me that?"

you see him turn away from you to look out the window, biting his lip and rubbing his forehead. you've now frustrated him, and he's mad at you. this is good. it's easier for you to deal with him being angry at you than him being nice to you.

you know he just wants you to call him Bucky, but you're a smartass.

"yeah, okay, sorry. Sergeant Barnes," you mumble, smirking to yourself.

he about flips his shit. why is he getting so worked up?

"seriously?" he asks, turning back to you. his eyes are blown back, in anger, probably. not lust, like you wish they were. because you're just a stupid kid, and he's just your boss with a lifetime of trauma. you could never understand him the way you wanted to.

"what?" you say, biting your lip as you smile, continuing to tease him.

you swear that for a second, he glances down to your lips.

SHIT!

in that embarrassing moment, you realize your lipstick is still smudged across your face from the moment in the elevator. your heart rate shoots up as you bury your head in your chest, bringing your hand to wipe away the mess of your face, before turning to face the opposite way from him.

you are, well and truly, stuck in traffic. some concert, or sports game, or whatever...

which means you're stuck, pressed up against your boss, in the back of this tiny limo right now, for only god knows how much longer.

you're pulling your phone out of your clutch when he says your name.

you want to lean into the feeling, how smooth it is. how crisp his voice is, how pretty it sounds saying your name, as though he's genuinely paying you any attention whatsoever.

"you're not inconsequential."

it flares your anger, all of it coming up from your gut and into your throat, as you respond.

"god, would you forget it already?" you snap.

shit, shit, shit. you fucked up. you just snapped at your boss, of all people. you try to backtrack, throw out a million comments of "sorry," but that's it, you're getting fired.

you finally look back at him, and he's actually looking at you. like, it feels like he's staring into your soul, seeing all the pieces of you that you're trying to keep hidden from him.

the car begins moving again.

~~~

he watches you, trying to figure you out, as always.

he can't think of a better word for it than the fact that you genuinely amuse him.

he sees the look in your eyes, the way you're desperately trying to cover up the shame you feel over what happened in the elevator. he's trying to be gentle about it, trying to assure you that what the man said was utter bullshit, but you keep shutting him down.

god, and you look so...

no. you're, like, 80-plus years younger than him (he rubs his temples every time he remembers his age) and employed by him. any interest on his part would be purely inappropriate, a gross misuse of his position of power.

and god, his fucking age, man. he shouldn't even be around anymore-

anyways.

you look at him with those fucking doe eyes, going back and forth between anger, and shame, and something else he can't quite pinpoint.

this is probably the worst part of what happened. you're always so unapologetically yourself, but he can tell this man has gotten under your skin.

even if it's not his job to comfort you, he doesn't want you to feel like that. because who you are is perfect. 

~~~

one minute, you're staring into his eyes, trying to read the look on his face. 

the next, you're bracing yourself as the car spins out of control, feeling hit after hit of various cars all crashing into you sequentially.

you don't register it until after it's all over. the way he's wrapped himself around you as though to protect you. his flesh arm cradles your head to his chest and his vibranium hand wraps itself around the back of your neck.

you take a few deep breaths and begin to pull away from him, looking up to his face as you do. his eyes widen in shock as he looks at you. what? what is it?

"fuck, we gotta get you to a hospital." 

~~~

part 2 out by friday 3/28/25!

masterlist

tag list

tagged: @clavedelune

[mononijikayu]

imagine you and best friend! satoru ending up having to pretend dating.....

taglist: @gumiiiiezzzz, @midnight-138, @sukioyakio, @yoonseokerist

imagine you and best friend! satoru dealing with valentine's day and seeing all these discounts.

it starts with a tragic discovery between the two of you after a long day at work. you've both been so busy that you both have forgotten that today was valentines day.

valentines day. a day both of you could never seem to touch or want to touch. a day you both don't think you could celebrate, with how busy you both are in between missions.

at times, being busy was a blessing. because you both don't have to deal with these sort of things. but today, after finishing the work schedules rather early, there was no choice for the two of you but to face the world bend to be the world of lovers on this day.

today all around tokyo was these special valentine’s day deals that's only valid for one day. your favorite bakery down the street is offering buy-one-get-one-free heart-shaped pastries. the movie theater satoru often goes to has a couples special for half-price tickets.

even that currently trendy high class french restaurant you’ve been dying to try has a special lovers night only promotion where they will serve a full-course meal, usually way out of your budget, free for couples celebrating their love.

“this is just ridiculous, isn't it?” satoru suddenly scoffs, adjusting his sunglasses. you see him put his hands on his pocket, irritated. “what about best friends? where’s the platonic soulmate discount?”

“exactly, goddamn it!” you huffed in response, glaring at all the signs right in front of you. “we suffer through all our mutual friends’ gross relationships, third-wheel their dates, and for what? no perks for us suffering folk?”

imagine you and best friend! satoru both lamenting about being single and all your friends being couples, enjoying their dates.

the thing is, its not that you hate romance. you don't. you never have hated it. but it's hard to deal with it. being very busy people with very incredibly demanding jobs, its often hard to find the time to just stop and date and slow down like all of your mutual friends.

so, it's hard this month. it's consistantly been a month of endless wedding talk, anniversary countdowns, and romantic getaway plans from your friends.

meanwhile, you and satoru sit at your usual café table, aggressively stirring your coffee as couples giggle around you. you couldn't help but feel your eye twitching.

“bet they’re all getting free desserts tonight, aren't they?” satoru grumbles, watching a couple share a milkshake with two straws. “disgusting.”

“you know what?” you say, slamming your mug down. “we deserve something nice too.”

he raises a brow at you. "well, what do you have in mind?"

and that’s how you end up at the very high-end french restaurant continue to rave about, holding hands across the table, grinning at the host and making the most of the efforts you can to actually look ike you’re both madly in love with each other.

“we're just another happy couple here for the lover’s night special, as you can see.” satoru beams at the host.

the host nods. “wonderful. we’ll just need to see proof of marriage.”

your smiles freeze at the host's words. “...i'm sorry....marriage?”

“uh, yes, mam. the promotion is exclusively for married couples., as you can see on the poster.”

satoru recovers first, throwing an arm around your shoulder. “of course! we’re very married. we got married at the city hall. yeah, yeah. now we plan to be married again with all of our friends there. i'm just waiting to repropose again, hahahaha.....isn't that so ridiculously married?”

you finally recovered and nodded rapidly. “....yes, yes. we're so madly in love. we really are, aren't we?......darling?”

"right, right, my love. isn't this great?"

the host eyes you both with scepticism but the host just gives up and eventually shrugs. “alright, alright, mam, sir.....right this way.”

and that was a success. now, you both sat there comfortably in that fine leather covered booth and start ordering almost everything in the menu.

a four-course gourmet meal later, you’re leaning back in your chair, stomach full, congratulating yourselves on your flawless deception. then the bill arrives. it’s a number so high your soul leaves your body.

satoru lets out a low whistle. “yikes. well, i'm glad we don’t actually have to pay this.”

“yeah.....” you laugh weakly, but sweat prickles at your neck. then you had a moment, suddenly smacking his arm lightly. "wait, aren't you rich, satoru? why are you worrying about the price?"

"hey, hey. just because i'm rich doesn't mean i don't want to enjoy the discounts." he says defensively, taking out his black card. "i enjoy this sometimes."

then, right as the waiter approaches again to take the bill, satoru suddenly crouches down, moving down slightly just to tie his shoe. and your overfed, panicked brain sees your husband on one knee and immediately blurts out:

“YES, I DO! I'LL MARRY YOU AGAIN!” you shout in a panic to satoru as your eyes widened along with his. "uh....."

the people in the restaurant look at eahc other before the entirety of the restaurant suddenly just burst into applause, in small bouts and then in a larger surge.

the waiter comes back with the receipt and just beams at the two of you, clapping. the host dabs at their eyes and just sighed, as if it's the incredible thing they've ever seen. satoru looks up at you, mouth open in sheer betrayal.

“babe.......” he says through gritted teeth.

“honey.....” you whisper back, frozen in horror.

and just like that, you’re fake engaged (once again).

imagine you and best friend! satoru dealing with the aftermath of your fake engagement.

as soon as you step out of the restaurant and away from the prying eyes of all the people who were still congratulating the two of you, you whirl on satoru with the most horrifed, exasperated exression you could muster all the while shaking your head.

you didn't even know where to put your hands at this point. you were just moving it about it, trying to understand what just happened. you were just both faking this to have a good, joyful discounted dinner.

“Why didn’t you just stay standing?” you hissed at him.

“i was just tying my shoe, for christ's sake!” he says, offended.

“WHO GETS ON ONE KNEE TO TIE THEIR SHOE IN A FANCY RESTAURANT?” you suddenly say in an outburst of emotion.

“excuse me for being dramatic while i'm tying my fucking shoe, bro!”

you groan, pressing your hands into your face. “this is a disaster. what if someone we know saw? fuck, what if someone took a video and uploaded it on tiktok with those heartwarming music tunes? what the fuck, everyone at work will see it, oh my god.....”

satoru wiggles his fingers. “then we milk it for free gifts. i mean, come on. think about it. it's a foolproof plan."

“no, absolutely not. this is a one of thing, satoru. oh my—”

"just hear me out! this is going to be a good thing for the both of us every single holiday and every single restaurant we visit. i mean, it's like with a birthday cake."

"satoru, that's a horrible idea!"

but it’s too late. he’s already taking a picture of the voucher that he was holding in his hand, thanks to the manager who is basically getting free advertising with what you had both accidentally done and texting it to your found family group chat.

satoru 🤍: just got engaged lol free meal WOO

nanami (ken)to: i refuse to believe this. [name} surely you have sme common sense not to do something like this.

get(oooouttt): there's no fucking way this is happening??? [name] blink twice if you feel like this is a kidnapping

ssssssshoko: did you drug her? there's no way she's agreeing to this, satoru. come on.

megumi (gojo's son): block me already oh my god, i don't want any part in this.

you snatch the phone from him, but the damage is already done. soon enough, your phone starts blowing up. it's like everyone on the planet is just spamming you. including your literal parents. and then his parents.

i mean, all the people you mutually know are calling, texts after texts are just continuing to flood in, and then all the sudden, you found yourself realizing that you might actually have to commit to this bit unless you want to explain the most humiliating scam of your life.

you look at satoru with the glare of a thousand suns. "i'm going to kill you."

he wiggles his eyebrows. “ready to be my future spouse, baby?”

you inhale deeply, trying so hard to calm yourself down. but unfortunately, that's easier said than done at this point in time. you hum to yourself, almost like a mantra.

you could strangle him. i mean it's not that hard, he will let you do it. wait, it shouldn't be could. it should be, you should strangle him. at this point, it feels like an essential thing to do now.

but you knew yourself better than that.

whatever he does, you know you can get over.

you like this guy, you were sure of that too well.

just a little bit too much, more than it should be allowed.

so instead, you sighed as you take the voucher from his hands. "you’re buying me breakfast every day until this blows over.”

he smirks. “anything for my baby.....wait wait, my wife slash fiancée again.”

"don't push it or i'll shove you."

"aw, babe, you love me so much, don't you?"

"shut up!"

imagine you and best friend! satoru waking up the next morning to absolute chaos.

you barely got a moment of peace when you finally got home before your phone starts vibrating like it’s trying to escape your nightstand. yet shook your head at it and left it there for quite a fair bit and ended up drinking some wine, regretting your decision one after the other over botles upon bottles.

and that's when your night ended, with you too drunk off your mind, still refusing to open your phone and you going on ahead to mumble in your sleep about how you didn't know what to do when you had to face reality.

but respite could only last for so long. with one eye barely open, you your found yourself woken by the stupid, endless buzzing sound that's been coming from your phone.

you groaned, still feeling the headache from alcohol from last night. you didn't want to get up. you didn't want to face the messages that's coming one after the other on there.

but even if you wanted to get back to sleep, you know you couldn't. when you woke up. you just did. there was no other recourse now. you mumbled under your breath before moving forward and blindly grabbed the phone.

opening it, it blinded you. you groaned for a bit, adjusting your eyes to the information. before long, you were squinting at the screen. you couldn't believe what you were seing. you purse your lips.

37 missed calls. 86 unread messages.

your message box, from the group chat to every other contact message on your phone, well they were all on fire. and you didn't know how to stop it or to control it. they were just all a mess and you didn't know what to do.

satoru🤍 : so actually the engagement is real. me and [name] are really engaged </3

ssssssshoko: “you got engaged, [name]???? i had to find out through TEXT??? from satoru???? that you're engaged TO SATORU? explain, asap.”

get(oooouttt): wow this is like the worst thing [name] ever did in her life actually

nanami (ken)to: “i am deeply concerned.”

megumi (gojo's son): “i hope this is a joke. i really, really do.”

then came the other kids messaging you individually. wait, how did they even find out all about this? they weren't even in the gc that satoru made for your little found family. you start to scroll up and try and figure out who they were from.

yuuji (my son actually): “CONGRATS, SENSEI!!!!!! I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN ONE DAY!!!!!!”

nobara (my pretty daughter): “U BETTER LET ME PLAN THE WEDDING SENSEI????”

yuuta (eldest son): [name]-sensei!!! congratulations to you and gojo-sensei!!! im wishing you well <3

maki (eldest daughter): [name]-sensei what do you MEAN you're engaged to that idiot???? MESSAGE ME BACK, SOON????

there were more of that, if you were being honest. one after the other, your students from kyoto and tokyo, and even from your one year in fukuoka, were just questioning you left and right on the same question. why the fuck would you be engaged to gojo satoru?

"i can't deal with this." you say as you continued to scroll through your messages. "i can't be doing this."

but then a message stops you at your tracks. you could feel yourself stunned with your mouth agape. this can't be happening to you right now, not at this moment. you purse your lips, as you reread the message over and over again.

yaga masamichi (ugh my boss) : “{name], i've told gojo already. but we need to talk.”

you moaned with irritation, almsot wanting to throw your phone. now your boss is involved? you can't be dealing with this after a night of drinking. you just really can't.

before you could even process that further, your doorbell rings. dreading what’s about to come, you shuffle over, still in your horribly mismatched pajamas, and open the door only to find gojo satoru, fully dressed, grinning, and holding up a tray with two coffees.

“good morning, fiancée of mine.” he chirps at you, grinning. he lowers his gaze. "ohhhh, cute set."

you groaned at him, rolling your eyes. “why are you like this?”

“because i’m very dedicated, very devoted, very enthralled with our little funny bit.” he breezes past you into your apartment, setting the coffee down before dramatically flopping onto your couch. “so my dearest baby, how does it feel to wake up engaged to me?”

“like i’ve made a terrible mistake.” you say to him, taking the coffee from his tray. "like i've ended up in a bad dream over and over again. like i've been reborn into a bad life. like i've been—"

"okay, okay, i get the point." satoru clutches his chest, sighing dramatically. he moves to take his own coffee. “but don't worry. i'm sure that's not permanent. that’s just the pre-wedding jitters, sweetheart.”

you throw a pillow at his face. "you're so annoying. let me have my drama here."

he catches it with ease, grinning. "not without me, baby."

"ugh, can't you call me something other than baby?"

"why not, baby not hitting your system?"

"no, it's giving me the ick."

"well, give me a moment." he winks at you. "i'm gonna find you a good one."

you hummed, sipping your coffee. "make it good."

"so how's pookie bear—"

you threw another pillow at him.

you should have known it wouldn't have worked.

you groaned at the appearance of infinity.

he smirked at you. "i'm taking that as a yes."

"i hate you."

"no, you don't."

imagine you and best friend! satoru realizing you have to deal with everyone’s reactions now.

you both spend the day together in your apartment, just going and watching the first season of love is blind. satoru was getting way into it that he ended up screaming at how badly it's going.

in the middle of your transition to season two, your phone goes on and buzzes once again. you raised a brow, picking up your phone again, checking who it was. must be a message again.

you purse your lips into a line. it wasn't a message this time. right now it’s your boss, yaga masamichi you on the other line calling. you exchange a look with satoru and showed him who was calling.

the white haired man smirks as he leans on your rather comfortable couch, mouthing for you to answer it. you roll your eyes at him before pressing the button to answer and putting the call on speaker.

“uh—hello?”

“get to my office. now. and bring gojo.”

you furrow your brows. "for....for what, yaga?"

"for human resources talk." he says rather bluntly. "on relationships and ethics."

"hey, yaga—" satoru starts to say in a cheerful tone.

but before satoru can breathe another word, yaga masamichi immediately ended the call. you sighed heavily as you glare at him, quickly putting away your phone. you move to take your second cup of coffee and drinking it.

satoru sips his (cold) first coffee. “welp...... i guess we’re in trouble. now.”

you groan, dragging a hand down your face soon after you drink. “ugh, i can't believe this. satoru, this is all your fault.”

“my fault?” he overdramatically gasps, feigning offense at your accusation. “who was it that panicked and said, ‘YES, I DO!’ in the middle of a restaurant knowing we were already fake married?”

you glare at him. “who the hell fucking kneels like its a proposal without warning just to tie their shoes in a romantic high end restaurant during the middle of valentines day rush hour, huh? of course i'd think it's a proposal, dumbass!"

he grins at your rant, raising his coffee cup up like it was a toast. “someone who's happy to be a trendsetter.”

you smack his arm, and he laughs, dodging you easily. “c’mon, let’s go and see yaga, let's just get this over with and give him what he wants.”

and with that, you and your fake fiancé went and headed off to deal with the next level of this disaster. and this time, without the panic that you had at the restaurant. well, at least that's what you hope.

imagine you finding out that best friend! satoru actually really likes you.

you expect the meeting with yaga to be a disaster. that's just how it goes when you had meetings with yaga when you were in high school. i mean, that's just how it was back then. you were always getting roped in satoru and suguru's stupid little messages, after all.

but as soon as you both arrived, he sat you both down and started to go and tell you both about how there's paperwork that has to be done and that you and satoru should remember ecthics (especially satoru).

well, that was much more on the fact that satoru's too well paid and relatively rich and he shouldn't be ripping people off with emotional manipulation when he could afford not getting the vouchers from a restaurant.

but all in all, it was a new experience with yaga. maybe he was really getting old. because by the end of it, he does something that you don't expect and pat you and satoru in the back.

yaga then sigh deeply, rub his temples and then simply says. “just keep it professional at work. especially you satoru. i'm watching you."

"but yaga, i can't say no if they offer it to me—"

"no ifs or buts, satoru." yaga successfully cuts satoru off. "i don't care if you get them. just give them to [name]."

"yeah, satoru. give them to me." you also butt in, almost cheekily with a shit-eating grin on your face.

"you're so annoying, i can't believe this."

yaga turns to you. "don't provoke him, not here. i want this to go as fast as possible so this can just not be more paperwork than it already is."

and then after that, that’s it. there were no punishments, no dramatic consequences from him like it used to be. it was just a pat in the back and a warning not to let your engagement interfere with your jobs. and to get take advantage of too many free coupons.

when you and satoru leave the office, you both exhale in relief. you both started to make your way out into the hall way before you went ahead and started stretching, letting the sun hit you as you walked.

“that was surprisingly easy, wasn't it?” you muttered to him. "that was so unlike yaga."

satoru smirks. “yeah, almost like he’s given up on controlling me.”

"well, i can't really call it giving up, more like he's just....you know, making life easier for him." you yawned back at him. "well, except on the coupons."

"hey, when it's being offered to me, who am i to go and say no to some good old granny offering it to me in a tuesday in her petite little shop?"

"that's why." you sighed back at him.

with the biggest hurdle out of the way, you assume things will settle down. though, it's another thing when it comes to the group chat. the group chat was still going on about it.

but you were sure today, it will eventually stop being an explosive news trend. and people would actually come to believe that you and satoru are actually, really, canonically engaged.

well, it should be fine. really, it should be. i mean, if you can fake being engaged, then you can fake breaking up too, right? it just takes a little bit of the imagination to do it all over again.

but then things start… getting weird.

at first, it’s little things.

like how he suddenly starts calling you his fiancée all the time, even when it’s just the two of you. it was as if he just really gave up about any corrections at all.

or how he insists on holding your hand when you’re out together whether that's in a public spor or a private spot, even when no one was around to go and watch the two of you.

but then it just really escalates, to the point of no return.

one night, when you’re out with some of your friends, and when someone teases you about the engagement and how it went viral on social media.

and satoru does something that you didn't expect. gojo satoru doesn’t joke back. instead, the white haired man merely wraps an arm around your shoulders and casually says to that person, “yeah, that's the point. she's mine. that's how it works, no?”

your eyes were wide to the point of bursting. satoru smiles, his blue eyes narrowed. but they were not bluffing, you can see it really well. you know that look all too well for him to just be playing an act. he means it.

you felt a sudden panic. you know that it's an act. well, it should be an act. it should be part of the bit, the one that you were both in on. but the way he looks at you at this moment, all too focused, all too sincere— you know that it’s not fake.

what was this damn feeling? you try to ignore it. but you don't know how to. not when you could feel your heart beat going on and on and on when you keep lookign at him.

you tell yourself to stop looking, to stop focusing on him. you tell your body to stop being so damn red all the time, to stop feeling flustered whenever you try to not kick your feet when he laughs.

you keep trying to convince yourself that he’s just too committed to the joke. that this is just all good fun between the two of you, that you both can stop worrying about this in no time.

until one night, when it all falls apart.

imagine best friend! satoru accidentally confessing his feelings to you.

it unfortunately happens during a late-night walk after a long mission. you both ended up taking missions that's only a few train stations away from each other.

you didn't want to give in, at first. but of course satoru keeps asking about your mission today and where you'll be. and he was happy to know you both will end up easily meeting if you ride the train to where he was.

and that's what ends up happening. you finished your mission within a couple of hours and immediately meet him at his favorite cafe in roppongi, already finishing a bout of the pastries they had in there.

you sighed as you sipped through the remainder of your strawberry matcha drink with tender ease, continuing to walk beside satoru through the brightly lit alleyways.

this part of city is quiet for some reason, believe it or not. usually roppongi is busy, but satoru seems to know which streets are relatively empty at this time.

well, you supposed that's just how it works sometimes. roppongi is his playground after all. you always preferred enjoying around shimokitazawa. there were too many good thrift stores and local food stores you go there.

all through out the walk, you noticed that gojo satoru is uncharacteristically silent. which was way too unlike him. it was really freaking you out. you have never had this much silence when it comes to gojo satoru.

you finally go and nudge him with your elbow. “what’s the hell is up with you?”

he exhales, shoving his hands into his pockets. “nothing.”

a pause comes as you both continue to walk.

you wanted to say something again, to ask.

but then he beats you to it as he looks at you.

he sighs rather softly. “really, it's nothing. i'm just thinking.”

you tilt your head, brows furrowed downward. “about what?”

he suddenly stops walking, turns to face you, and you know. even before he says it, you know. satoru never hesitates. you don't think you've ever seen this man ever have a second thought when it comes to things he's serious about.

he never falters, never holds back. but right now, standing under the dim glow of the streetlights, he looks rather nervous. and when he speaks, his voice is quieter than you’ve ever heard it. he just never was that type of person. he's not someone who falters, or ever holds back.

but right now, standing under the dim glow of the streetlights, he looks rather nervous. if anything, he looked more like a young school boy trying to convey something. and it was something you had never seen.

that's why it astounds you when he speaks a little later, with his voice is quieter than you’ve ever heard it. “you know i wasn’t actually joking, right?”

your breath catches, nearly dropping your strawberry matcha. “what?”

“this whole thing, all this.” he gestures vaguely, almost all too messy. “this thing....this....us. it's not....it wasn’t really fake. well, at least not for me.”

you felt like time stopped in that moment. you could feel your heart stop. everything in the world just suddenly stopping. everything around the two of you, everything just suddenly stops.

you can’t think. you can’t breathe. does satoru actually like you? does he really have this true honesty in his heart about this? you just felt like you were malfunctioning right now.

and furthermore, you have to stop right now and think, to go on and start asking you have to ask yourself all these questions—was it ever fake for you, either? and most of all, do you actually like him too?

all the sudden this inevitable silence continues to compound and stretch between the two of you. all there was now was the weight of his all too honest words lingers in the air, heavier than anything you’ve ever faced together.

you open your mouth, but nothing comes out. gojo satoru, for once in his life, isn’t smiling. he’s just looking at you for approval, for reciprocation.

you watched as his nervous hands still remained shoved deep into his pockets like he’s bracing himself for impact. like he’s waiting for you to break his heart and reject him and tell him that this isn't what you want from him.

you swallow and took a breath. “satoru…”

he exhales sharply, tilting his head back. “you don’t have to say anything to me, really.....i just—”

"hey, i want to say something but i just...."

his lips quirk up, but it’s not his usual cocky grin. It’s smaller, almost hesitant. “you don't have to say something out of pity, really. i just....i'm not trying to convince you. i just....figured you should know.”

your mind continues to race. you and satoru have always been best friends. from childhood to now, you were always what the other needed. you bicker, you tease, you share meals and inside jokes. you had a world of your own.

but then you think about all the little things as you grew older and got even closer, there were things you missed along the way. now you could see the way he always saves you the last bite of his dessert, the way he reaches for your hand even when there’s no reason to. the way his gaze lingers, softer than it has any right to be.

the way you never pulled away.

the way you never wanted to.

the way you wanted it to continue.

"wait, you like me?" you say, with mouth agaped. "what?"

"yes!" he says, almost defensively. "what's wrong with that?"

"nothing, nothing is wrong with that. i just....." you take a slow breath, calming yourself. “since when?”

satoru huffs a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “dunno. maybe....a while now.” his eyes flick to yours. “i didn’t mean for it to happen, y’know? but then we fake-dated, and i thought—”

you purse your lips. "you thought?"

he hesitates, but he says it anyway. “maybe if i played pretend long enough, you’d actually look at me that way.”

your chest aches at his words. for a moment you let them sit and let yourself think inwards. to think about all these years together. and those little hints you felt within you, those little butterflies that dwelled upon your belly little by little.

you think about the times when you’d felt right at home when satoru put his arm around you in public. how your heart would continue to skip a beat when he’d whispered my favorite minx or my sweetheart just a little too softly. how the idea of this not being real had stung more than you were willing to admit.

you step closer, and his breath catches. “satoru.” you say again, quieter this time. "hey, listen to me."

“yeah?” he looked at you, almost too hopeful, too eager for you to see him. to look take in the whole of him. "what you want, sweetheart?"

you could feel your cheeks flushed and your heart running a marathon as you reach for his hand. you let them curl gently around your fingers, ever so tightly, as though there was no more option to let go. he watches you do what you did. he doesn’t move, doesn’t breathe.

“…what if I’m already looking at you that way?” you ask him, almost too shyly as you try your darnest to continue to look at him. "i mean....what if i'm just into this as you are?"

his head snaps toward you. his lips suddenly part. his fingers tighten around yours, like he’s afraid you’ll let go. then he exhales a breathless laugh, tipping his forehead against yours. you gasped lightly, finally face to face all too wholly.

“god, i hope you mean that.” his voice is barely more than a whisper.

his tone just feels rough around the edges like he’s afraid to say it too loudly, as if giving the words too much weight might make them collapse. his bright eyes were now dark and searching, flicker across your face, desperate to find any hint of hesitation.

“because there’s no takebacks, okay?”

his breath is uneven, his chest rising and falling too quickly as he waits for your answer. he looks like he’s bracing for impact, like he’s convinced that at any second, you’ll change your mind.

that you would walk away and realize this is a mistake, like you would go on and step back, and leave him standing in the wreckage of something that never had the chance to begin. but you don’t.

“i do mean it, you know?” you whisper to him, with a small smile. "trust me, okay?"

he could feel how each word carry the weight of every stolen glance, every unsaid confession, every moment that had led you here. your souls meet in that one gaze, colliding in the space between you, threading together something fragile yet unbreakable.

and so when he leans in slowly, cautiously, like he’s giving you every possible chance to pull away, but you don’t. rather, you didn't want to. instead you smiled at him. you'd waited just as long as him.

instead, you let the moment stretch, let the air between you hum with the tension of everything you’ve both been too afraid to say. his fingers twitch at his sides, like he wants to touch you but isn’t sure if he’s allowed. his breath mingles with yours, warm and shaky, a silent plea in itself.

so you close the distance for him. it’s not a desperate kiss, not a collision of lips and urgency. it’s something softer, something reverent.

it was like he’s memorizing the shape of you, like he’s terrified this is all a too good of a dream that will slip through his fingers the second he moves too fast and he would wake up with nothing, without you in his arms.

his hand comes up, hesitant at first, before finally settling along your jaw, his thumb tracing slow circles against your skin. the touch sends a shiver down your spine, a quiet ache blooming in your chest. you tilt your head, pressing into him, answering his silent question with your own certainty.

and that’s all he needs. the hesitation melts away as he deepens the kiss, his other hand slipping to your waist, pulling you just close enough that he can feel the way your heart is racing.

it was running just as fast as his. everything about this was feeling so overwhelming, so intoxicating. everything about it just feels like it was magical. everything else fades into nothing but this. but him. just it should be.

when you finally pull apart, breathless and dazed, he doesn’t let go. his forehead rests against yours, his fingers still tracing idle patterns against your skin.

“you’re sure?” he asks again, but there’s something different in his voice this time. something softer, like he’s starting to believe you.

you smile, small but certain. “i’ve never been more sure of anything.”

and when he kisses you again, it feels like home.

[fou4summer]

I'm your one true love

yoo jaeyi × fem!reader

Synopsis: You knew that Jaeyi liked you, and you liked her too, but you always tried to deny it by dating other people. Then one day, after your recent breakup, Jaeyi comforts you and brightens your entire next day, eventually it makes you both confess.

Warnings: none

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word count: 1.7k

You were in multiple relationships and they all ended up the same way. With you being cheated on or just both of you just deciding that it wont work out. After every breakup you would go to your bestfriend, Jaeyi, who always comforted you and made you forget about it easily.

She never had anyone even tho the whole school is head over heels for her. She would always say how she already has someone she likes. At first you would always annoy her to tell you who it is, but over time you kinda got it yourself. It was you.

You thought it would eventually stop and that it was just a stupid crush she had on you. Not until you started to feel the mutual feelings about her too. When things would get too risky like you two sitting alone too close to each other, you would always lie that theres a new guy that you like. Everytime her mood would shift, her smile dropping. One time it was a bit more than that...

You were in your room, watching movies and having fun. There was a romantic scene going on in one and she took glances at you. You turned your head towards her and you were inches away from each other.

Her hand was moving slowly on top of yours as she leaned closer. The worst of all you didn't back away. You even put your hand on her shoulder pulling her closer. Until you realized that this could ruin your friendship forever, and you would lose your best friend.

"I'm sorry I really can't do this..." You remove her hand away and stand up from your bed.

"You know I like that guy and-" You try to make up something, but she cuts you off.

"I'm gonna go..." She picks her bag and leaves before you could stop her. You heard in her shaky voice that she was about to cry. You felt so stupid for doing this to her. She was the best choice for you and you knew it.

Come on she rejected half the school and the most popular boys were being pathetic asking her out, but she refused to even look at them. Her eyes were always on you.

-

Now you were with this one guy. I mean he was popular, handsome and not that nice, but not rude. You got a bit of popularity while being with him so that was a plus too. Even tho you deep down knew you would be much more popular and happy if you were with Jaeyi. You just avoided the thoughts.

You were sure you found the perfect guy, until you caught him cheating right in front of you. You were actually a bit broken cause that was your longest relationship. You broke up with him after he tried to tell you how it 'isn't what it looks like'. You heard that sentence so many times you could literally predict when he would say it.

You were still friends with Jaeyi after that night that happened months ago from now. She apologized and it broke you even more.

You were in your room, crying and you felt horrible about doing that, but you still called Jaeyi. It was actually pretty late, around midnight, but she still picked up in an istant.

"Y/N? Is everything alright? Did something happen?" Her voice was raspy and tired making you smile to yourself that she cares about you that much to answer even this late.

"Hey Jaeyi...I'm sorry that im calling this late...It's just that he cheated on me and I broke up with him and I don't know what to do..." You sobbed between words wiping your tears with the back of your hand.

"Oh its okay sshhh...Do you want me to come over?" She said her voice calm and non-judgemental. You quickly replied with a quiet 'yes', feeling like a jerk for doing this to her.

"I'll be there in five minutes...Okay?" Her voice made you calm down a little, knowing that she'll be there soon. You ended the call and unlocked the front door. She opened the door coming in quietly so your parents don't wake up.

"Hey..." She peeked through the door of your room making you sit up a bit. When you saw her you started crying again.

"Y/N...It's okay now...I'm here..." She pulls you into a hug, wrapping her arms around you, holding you close. You put your head against her sweatshirt, soaking it with tears. She caressed your back while whispering sweet things to you until your crying stopped.

"How about we lie down hm?" She whispered and you just nodded. She lied down with your head resting on her chest.

"I'm sorry Jaeyi...I'm sorry..." You couldn't explain anything, but she knew what you were apologizing for.

"It's okay Y/N...I forgive you..." She ran her hand through your hair, making you feel sleepy.

"I love you..." You mumbled against her, your hand resting on her shoulder.

"I love you too Y/N...I love you so much..." Her words made you tear up again, but you didn't want to worry her again, so you just kept quiet until you both fell asleep.

-

You woke up to your mom calling you to eat. You groaned before looking at the time. It was 1PM already. You never slept that long. You also noticed that Jaeyi was gone. You ran out of your room, finding your parents at the table, both confused by your action.

"Where is Jaeyi?" They both smile at your face expression before your mom answered.

"She left awhile ago. She doesn't sleep till afternoon like someone here. She left you a note on your desk, you should check it out after having lunch." Your mom says placing food on your plate.

After eating, you hurried to your room to see the note she left you. It was on your desk and it said.

Come to todays school festival with me please. 6PM at the school gate. I'm looking forward to it and I have a suprise:)

Jaeyi

You smile at the note before turning around to find your mom standing there.

"You better not say that 'you are going out with some guy already' Y/N." She crossed her arms waiting for your answer.

"Don't worry, I'm going with Jaeyi this time. And stop reading my stuff!" You yell as you run to the bathroom to get ready.

-

You arrive at the school gate, about to text her, but you felt someone already tap your shoulder. When you turn around, you see Jaeyi in a beautiful pink cardigan that matched the pink tulips in her hand.

"This is my suprise!" She gives you the flowers making you smile and jump into her hug as she wraps her arms around you. She smelled just as gorgeous as she looked.

"Come on lets go!" You take her hand in yours before stepping into the festival.

That day was maybe the best one in your life. You ate popcorn, cotton candy and had cold drinks laughing and teasing each other all day. You went to the ballpit spending hours there like little kids.

-

You were now sitting at the bench that had a really nice view. You both looked at the stars as her hand slowly touched yours. It was obvious, she was nervous not wanting to make you uncomfortable. Not this time. You took her hand intertwining your fingers together and placing them in your lap.

She turned around to find you already looking at her. She was so cute and adorable. You were thinking to yourself 'How did I manage to reject this person so many times when she was the only one making me this happy?' She nervously smiled looking at you. You didn't want her to think that you'll do the same again.

You slowly leaned in, closing the distance between you. You felt her stiffen a bit, but she quickly relaxed kissing you back. You placed your arms around her neck, pulling her closer. One of her hands went down on your waist while the other caressed your face. You both broke the kiss to catch your breaths. You realized that no one kissed you like that before. It was so full of pure love.

"D-do you like the flowers...?" She broke the silence, her voice nervous and shy. You smiled nodding, making her smile too. You sat there looking at the stars and you kissed her a few more times making her smile into each one.

-

"Sooo...How did you like today?" You were walking back from the festival, holding hands.

"It was amazing. Thank you Jaeyi...You really made my day..." That made her chuckle squeezing your hand a little.

"Always." She looked at the beautiful sky above you. You wanted to just tell her that directly, your feelings for her. You stopped walking making her turn around confused and a bit worried.

"Is everything okay?" She asked and you give her a small nod before taking a deep breath. She needed to hear this.

"Jaeyi...I've liked you all this time. I just-I just didn't want to ruin our friendship or whatever...I was stupid and-" You were cut off by her lips against yours. The kiss turned into a bit more as her hands sneaked under your shirt resting on your lower back.

"You don't know how long i've waited for you to say that. You made me wait for so long..." She took your hand placing it on her cheek and you blushed at how she nuzzled her head into your hand.

"I'm sorry Jaeyi, but now I'll make it up to you for all those years rejecting you. I promise." You told her as she pulled you closer.

"Y/N...Will you be my girlfriend?" You smile instantly nodding and kissing her again.

"I knew from the start that I was always your true love..." She says against your lips before leaning in for more, but you stop her.

"Oh wow stop that!" You hit her arm playfully and she laughs.

She walks you to your house. You kiss and giggle a bit more in front before you eventually go home. Unfortunately your mom saw that and teased you for the whole month saying how she knew from the start. You never lost your bestfriend, she just became the best girlfriend that you never want to lose.

[balioc]

OK, look, I'm pretty sure there's an actual failure of communication going on here. Not a disagreement about moral conclusions or even facts, just confusion regarding the meaning of sentences.

(So of course I'm going to stick my oar in, because that's smart.)

If I understand @brazenautomaton correctly, he's saying approximately that -

"Strong borders" create an underclass through *exactly* the process described above, creating groups of people who are in the country but may be subjected to intense penalties at any time for any reason. Legal immigrants who need to retain a job in order to remain in the country are often exploited by companies that can say, "Accept these illegal working conditions or we fire you and you spend months in a series of concrete cells waiting to be deported, your choice".

- is the failure mode of borders, according to the people calling themselves "advocates of strong borders." It is the sign that borders aren't strong enough. If the borders were sufficiently strong, those people wouldn't be an exploited underclass - they wouldn't be here at all! They would have been kept out or deported!

And there's a clear semantic sense in which this is just true. Having immigrants around unlawfully is, just by definition, a sign that your immigration control isn't as tough and rigorous or consistent as it could be. A maximally tough and rigorous and consistent immigration control regime would result in there being zero immigrants around unlawfully.

This is all separate from questions like:

Under what circumstances is it prudent to keep people out of the country, or deport them?

Under what circumstances is it moral to keep people out of the country, or deport them?

Assuming arguendo that we want to strengthen our borders as much as possible - how much is it possible? How much is "get rid of all the unlawful immigration, no really, all of it" a stupid pipe dream?

What, in their heart of hearts, do people in various political camps really want and value?

Story below the cut to avoid a paywall.

There was no explanation, no warning. One minute, I was in an immigration office talking to an officer about my work visa, which had been approved months before and allowed me, a Canadian, to work in the US. The next, I was told to put my hands against the wall, and patted down like a criminal before being sent to an Ice detention center without the chance to talk to a lawyer.

I grew up in Whitehorse, Yukon, a small town in the northernmost part of Canada. I always knew I wanted to do something bigger with my life. I left home early and moved to Vancouver, British Columbia, where I built a career spanning multiple industries – acting in film and television, owning bars and restaurants, flipping condos and managing Airbnbs.

In my 30s, I found my true passion working in the health and wellness industry. I was given the opportunity to help launch an American brand of health tonics called Holy! Water – a job that would involve moving to the US.

I was granted my trade Nafta work visa, which allows Canadian and Mexican citizens to work in the US in specific professional occupations, on my second attempt. It goes without saying, then, that I have no criminal record. I also love the US and consider myself to be a kind, hard-working person.

I started working in California and travelled back and forth between Canada and the US multiple times without any complications – until one day, upon returning to the US, a border officer questioned me about my initial visa denial and subsequent visa approval. He asked why I had gone to the San Diego border the second time to apply. I explained that that was where my lawyer’s offices were, and that he had wanted to accompany me to ensure there were no issues.

After a long interrogation, the officer told me it seemed “shady” and that my visa hadn’t been properly processed. He claimed I also couldn’t work for a company in the US that made use of hemp – one of the beverage ingredients. He revoked my visa, and told me I could still work for the company from Canada, but if I wanted to return to the US, I would need to reapply.

I was devastated; I had just started building a life in California. I stayed in Canada for the next few months, and was eventually offered a similar position with a different health and wellness brand.

I restarted the visa process and returned to the same immigration office at the San Diego border, since they had processed my visa before and I was familiar with it. Hours passed, with many confused opinions about my case. The officer I spoke to was kind but told me that, due to my previous issues, I needed to apply for my visa through the consulate. I told her I hadn’t been aware I needed to apply that way, but had no problem doing it.

Then she said something strange: “You didn’t do anything wrong. You are not in trouble, you are not a criminal.”

I remember thinking: Why would she say that? Of course I’m not a criminal!

She then told me they had to send me back to Canada. That didn’t concern me; I assumed I would simply book a flight home. But as I sat searching for flights, a man approached me.

“Come with me,” he said.

There was no explanation, no warning. He led me to a room, took my belongings from my hands and ordered me to put my hands against the wall. A woman immediately began patting me down. The commands came rapid-fire, one after another, too fast to process.

They took my shoes and pulled out my shoelaces.

“What are you doing? What is happening?” I asked.

“You are being detained.”

“I don’t understand. What does that mean? For how long?”

“I don’t know.”

That would be the response to nearly every question I would ask over the next two weeks: “I don’t know.”

They brought me downstairs for a series of interviews and medical questions, searched my bags and told me I had to get rid of half my belongings because I couldn’t take everything with me.

“Take everything with me where?” I asked.

A woman asked me for the name of someone they could contact on my behalf. In moments like this, you realize you don’t actually know anyone’s phone number anymore. By some miracle, I had recently memorized my best friend Britt’s number because I had been putting my grocery points on her account.

I gave them her phone number.

They handed me a mat and a folded-up sheet of aluminum foil.

“What is this?”

“Your blanket.”

“I don’t understand.”

I was taken to a tiny, freezing cement cell with bright fluorescent lights and a toilet. There were five other women lying on their mats with the aluminum sheets wrapped over them, looking like dead bodies. The guard locked the door behind me.

For two days, we remained in that cell, only leaving briefly for food. The lights never turned off, we never knew what time it was and no one answered our questions. No one in the cell spoke English, so I either tried to sleep or meditate to keep from having a breakdown. I didn’t trust the food, so I fasted, assuming I wouldn’t be there long.

On the third day, I was finally allowed to make a phone call. I called Britt and told her that I didn’t understand what was happening, that no one would tell me when I was going home, and that she was my only contact.

They gave me a stack of paperwork to sign and told me I was being given a five-year ban unless I applied for re-entry through the consulate. The officer also said it didn’t matter whether I signed the papers or not; it was happening regardless.

I was so delirious that I just signed. I told them I would pay for my flight home and asked when I could leave.

No answer.

Then they moved me to another cell – this time with no mat or blanket. I sat on the freezing cement floor for hours. That’s when I realized they were processing me into real jail: the Otay Mesa Detention Center.

I was told to shower, given a jail uniform, fingerprinted and interviewed. I begged for information.

“How long will I be here?”

“I don’t know your case,” the man said. “Could be days. Could be weeks. But I’m telling you right now – you need to mentally prepare yourself for months.”

Months.

I felt like I was going to throw up.

I was taken to the nurse’s office for a medical check. She asked what had happened to me. She had never seen a Canadian there before. When I told her my story, she grabbed my hand and said: “Do you believe in God?”

I told her I had only recently found God, but that I now believed in God more than anything.

“I believe God brought you here for a reason,” she said. “I know it feels like your life is in a million pieces, but you will be OK. Through this, I think you are going to find a way to help others.”

At the time, I didn’t know what that meant. She asked if she could pray for me. I held her hands and wept.

I felt like I had been sent an angel.

I was then placed in a real jail unit: two levels of cells surrounding a common area, just like in the movies. I was put in a tiny cell alone with a bunk bed and a toilet.

The best part: there were blankets. After three days without one, I wrapped myself in mine and finally felt some comfort.

For the first day, I didn’t leave my cell. I continued fasting, terrified that the food might make me sick. The only available water came from the tap attached to the toilet in our cells or a sink in the common area, neither of which felt safe to drink.

Eventually, I forced myself to step out, meet the guards and learn the rules. One of them told me: “No fighting.”

“I’m a lover, not a fighter,” I joked. He laughed.

I asked if there had ever been a fight here.

“In this unit? No,” he said. “No one in this unit has a criminal record.”

That’s when I started meeting the other women.

That’s when I started hearing their stories.

And that’s when I made a decision: I would never allow myself to feel sorry for my situation again. No matter how hard this was, I had to be grateful. Because every woman I met was in an even more difficult position than mine.

There were around 140 of us in our unit. Many women had lived and worked in the US legally for years but had overstayed their visas – often after reapplying and being denied. They had all been detained without warning.

If someone is a criminal, I agree they should be taken off the streets. But not one of these women had a criminal record. These women acknowledged that they shouldn’t have overstayed and took responsibility for their actions. But their frustration wasn’t about being held accountable; it was about the endless, bureaucratic limbo they had been trapped in.

The real issue was how long it took to get out of the system, with no clear answers, no timeline and no way to move forward. Once deported, many have no choice but to abandon everything they own because the cost of shipping their belongings back is too high.

I met a woman who had been on a road trip with her husband. She said they had 10-year work visas. While driving near the San Diego border, they mistakenly got into a lane leading to Mexico. They stopped and told the agent they didn’t have their passports on them, expecting to be redirected. Instead, they were detained. They are both pastors.

I met a family of three who had been living in the US for 11 years with work authorizations. They paid taxes and were waiting for their green cards. Every year, the mother had to undergo a background check, but this time, she was told to bring her whole family. When they arrived, they were taken into custody and told their status would now be processed from within the detention center.

Another woman from Canada had been living in the US with her husband who was detained after a traffic stop. She admitted she had overstayed her visa and accepted that she would be deported. But she had been stuck in the system for almost six weeks because she hadn’t had her passport. Who runs casual errands with their passport?

One woman had a 10-year visa. When it expired, she moved back to her home country, Venezuela. She admitted she had overstayed by one month before leaving. Later, she returned for a vacation and entered the US without issue. But when she took a domestic flight from Miami to Los Angeles, she was picked up by Ice and detained. She couldn’t be deported because Venezuela wasn’t accepting deportees. She didn’t know when she was getting out.

There was a girl from India who had overstayed her student visa for three days before heading back home. She then came back to the US on a new, valid visa to finish her master’s degree and was handed over to Ice due to the three days she had overstayed on her previous visa.

There were women who had been picked up off the street, from outside their workplaces, from their homes. All of these women told me that they had been detained for time spans ranging from a few weeks to 10 months. One woman’s daughter was outside the detention center protesting for her release.

That night, the pastor invited me to a service she was holding. A girl who spoke English translated for me as the women took turns sharing their prayers – prayers for their sick parents, for the children they hadn’t seen in weeks, for the loved ones they had been torn away from.

Then, unexpectedly, they asked if they could pray for me. I was new here, and they wanted to welcome me. They formed a circle around me, took my hands and prayed. I had never felt so much love, energy and compassion from a group of strangers in my life. Everyone was crying.

At 3am the next day, I was woken up in my cell.

“Pack your bag. You’re leaving.”

I jolted upright. “I get to go home?”

The officer shrugged. “I don’t know where you’re going.”

Of course. No one ever knew anything.

I grabbed my things and went downstairs, where 10 other women stood in silence, tears streaming down their faces. But these weren’t happy tears. That was the moment I learned the term “transferred”.

For many of these women, detention centers had become a twisted version of home. They had formed bonds, established routines and found slivers of comfort in the friendships they had built. Now, without warning, they were being torn apart and sent somewhere new. Watching them say goodbye, clinging to each other, was gut-wrenching.

I had no idea what was waiting for me next. In hindsight, that was probably for the best.

Our next stop was Arizona, the San Luis Regional Detention Center. The transfer process lasted 24 hours, a sleepless, grueling ordeal. This time, men were transported with us. Roughly 50 of us were crammed into a prison bus for the next five hours, packed together – women in the front, men in the back. We were bound in chains that wrapped tightly around our waists, with our cuffed hands secured to our bodies and shackles restraining our feet, forcing every movement into a slow, clinking struggle.

When we arrived at our next destination, we were forced to go through the entire intake process all over again, with medical exams, fingerprinting – and pregnancy tests; they lined us up in a filthy cell, squatting over a communal toilet, holding Dixie cups of urine while the nurse dropped pregnancy tests in each of our cups. It was disgusting.

We sat in freezing-cold jail cells for hours, waiting for everyone to be processed. Across the room, one of the women suddenly spotted her husband. They had both been detained and were now seeing each other for the first time in weeks.

The look on her face – pure love, relief and longing – was something I’ll never forget.

We were beyond exhausted. I felt like I was hallucinating.

The guard tossed us each a blanket: “Find a bed.”

There were no pillows. The room was ice cold, and one blanket wasn’t enough. Around me, women lay curled into themselves, heads covered, looking like a room full of corpses. This place made the last jail feel like the Four Seasons.

I kept telling myself: Do not let this break you.

Thirty of us shared one room. We were given one Styrofoam cup for water and one plastic spoon that we had to reuse for every meal. I eventually had to start trying to eat and, sure enough, I got sick. None of the uniforms fit, and everyone had men’s shoes on. The towels they gave us to shower were hand towels. They wouldn’t give us more blankets. The fluorescent lights shined on us 24/7.

Everything felt like it was meant to break you. Nothing was explained to us. I wasn’t given a phone call. We were locked in a room, no daylight, with no idea when we would get out.

I tried to stay calm as every fiber of my being raged towards panic mode. I didn’t know how I would tell Britt where I was. Then, as if sent from God, one of the women showed me a tablet attached to the wall where I could send emails. I only remembered my CEO’s email from memory. I typed out a message, praying he would see it.

He responded.

Through him, I was able to connect with Britt. She told me that they were working around the clock trying to get me out. But no one had any answers; the system made it next to impossible. I told her about the conditions in this new place, and that was when we decided to go to the media.

She started working with a reporter and asked whether I would be able to call her so she could loop him in. The international phone account that Britt had previously tried to set up for me wasn’t working, so one of the other women offered to let me use her phone account to make the call.

We were all in this together.

With nothing to do in my cell but talk, I made new friends – women who had risked everything for the chance at a better life for themselves and their families.

Through them, I learned the harsh reality of seeking asylum. Showing me their physical scars, they explained how they had paid smugglers anywhere from $20,000 to $60,000 to reach the US border, enduring brutal jungles and horrendous conditions.

One woman had been offered asylum in Mexico within two weeks but had been encouraged to keep going to the US. Now, she was stuck, living in a nightmare, separated from her young children for months. She sobbed, telling me how she felt like the worst mother in the world.

Many of these women were highly educated and spoke multiple languages. Yet, they had been advised to pretend they didn’t speak English because it would supposedly increase their chances of asylum.

Some believed they were being used as examples, as warnings to others not to try to come.

Women were starting to panic in this new facility, and knowing I was most likely the first person to get out, they wrote letters and messages for me to send to their families.

It felt like we had all been kidnapped, thrown into some sort of sick psychological experiment meant to strip us of every ounce of strength and dignity.

We were from different countries, spoke different languages and practiced different religions. Yet, in this place, none of that mattered. Everyone took care of each other. Everyone shared food. Everyone held each other when someone broke down. Everyone fought to keep each other’s hope alive.

I got a message from Britt. My story had started to blow up in the media.

Almost immediately after, I was told I was being released.

My Ice agent, who had never spoken to me, told my lawyer I could have left sooner if I had signed a withdrawal form, and that they hadn’t known I would pay for my own flight home.

From the moment I arrived, I begged every officer I saw to let me pay for my own ticket home. Not a single one of them ever spoke to me about my case.

To put things into perspective: I had a Canadian passport, lawyers, resources, media attention, friends, family and even politicians advocating for me. Yet, I was still detained for nearly two weeks.

Imagine what this system is like for every other person in there.

A small group of us were transferred back to San Diego at 2am – one last road trip, once again shackled in chains. I was then taken to the airport, where two officers were waiting for me. The media was there, so the officers snuck me in through a side door, trying to avoid anyone seeing me in restraints. I was beyond grateful that, at the very least, I didn’t have to walk through the airport in chains.

To my surprise, the officers escorting me were incredibly kind, and even funny. It was the first time I had laughed in weeks.

I asked if I could put my shoelaces back on.

“Yes,” one of them said with a grin. “But you better not run.”

“Yeah,” the other added. “Or we’ll have to tackle you in the airport. That’ll really make the headlines.”

I laughed, then told them I had spent a lot of time observing the guards during my detention and I couldn’t believe how often I saw humans treating other humans with such disregard. “But don’t worry,” I joked. “You two get five stars.”

When I finally landed in Canada, my mom and two best friends were waiting for me. So was the media. I spoke to them briefly, numb and delusional from exhaustion.

It was surreal listening to my friends recount everything they had done to get me out: working with lawyers, reaching out to the media, making endless calls to detention centers, desperately trying to get through to Ice or anyone who could help. They said the entire system felt rigged, designed to make it nearly impossible for anyone to get out.

The reality became clear: Ice detention isn’t just a bureaucratic nightmare. It’s a business. These facilities are privately owned and run for profit.

Companies like CoreCivic and GEO Group receive government funding based on the number of people they detain, which is why they lobby for stricter immigration policies. It’s a lucrative business: CoreCivic made over $560m from Ice contracts in a single year. In 2024, GEO Group made more than $763m from Ice contracts.

The more detainees, the more money they make. It stands to reason that these companies have no incentive to release people quickly. What I had experienced was finally starting to make sense.

[atopfourthwall]

Here's a question that's gone around the MHA and ATLA fandoms: If the hero has the ability to end a major threat by killing them, what gives them the right to risk the lives of so many by trying to find a way other than killing to stop them, especially if they don't already have a solid plan? Do they not have a responsibility to kill the villain? But others argue that, as the only person who could maybe end the threat without killing, do they not also have a responsibility to do that? Thoughts?

"What gives them the right to risk the lives of so many by trying to find a way other than killing to stop them?" Well, what gives them the right to take a life? What authority do they have higher than any normal person with a gun? What figure granted them a license to end another? God? A governmental body? One can argue that there's a distinct difference between killing to save lives and killing to do evil, but then where is the line? Politicians and military leaders give orders to kill. Is one justified, in turn, to stop them through extrajudicial measures in order to prevent deaths? Indirect killing can be done by them, as well, same for rich assholes who don't actually care about human life and are protected by the law or their money? I'm not saying there isn't a line. I'm not even saying it's necessarily wrong given the circumstances - every situation is different, certainly. But I just have to hesitate when one argues that a greater good will come from a minor evil. Sometimes you certainly HAVE to be pragmatic. Sometimes there are no good choices and you have to decide on harm reduction. But a responsibility? Ehhh...

[gundamthey17]

Thinking about Charles "constantly considering everyone else's feelings" Rowland and Edwin "has never had his feelings prioritized ever" Payne

----

May 1991. A library in London.

Edwin slammed his notebook down onto the table, making Charles jump.

"What is it?"

"If I have to endure that noise for much longer, I am going to go mad."

"Er… What noise, mate?"

"Don't tell me you cannot hear it," Edwin replied, going a tinge wide-eyed at the thought.

They sat in silence for a moment. Charles strained his ears. He could just make out a soft, electric hum. "That buzzing?"

"Yes!"

Charles grimaced sympathetically. "Think it's the lights, mate. The fluorescents do that. I didn't even notice 'til you said something."

"You're joking. It is maddening!"

"Guess I'm just used to it." Noticing how Edwin's shoulders had been creeping upward by degrees over the course of their conversation, Charles stood and swept the books off the table into his new backpack.

"What are you doing?" Edwin frowned.

"You said you're about to go mad, yeah? So let's go somewhere else. No reason we have to stay here, is there," Charles said with a shrug and an easy smile.

A tiny bit of tension eased out of Edwin's body. He adjusted his jacket in that proper way of his. "Well, if it isn't bothering you -"

"But it's bothering you. So let's go."

Edwin opened his mouth, then closed it again. Nodding to himself, he gathered his notebook and pen and stood up. "Very well," he said primly.

Charles grinned and slung an arm over Edwin's shoulders as they walked outside. "Love it when you talk all posh like that," he said.

Edwin shrugged out of his grasp, but Charles saw the corners of his mouth turn upwards. They walked in silence for a moment, until Edwin cleared his throat. "Thank you," he said simply.

It was Charles' turn to frown. "For what?"

"Taking my feelings into account, I guess," Edwin replied after a moment. "We didn't have to leave."

"Don't be ridiculous! Not that hard to just go somewhere else, is it?"

"It is an inconvenience."

"Pfft, barely," Charles scoffed. "Be a lot more inconvenient if those lights drove you mental, wouldn't it?"

Edwin stopped abruptly. Charles turned to face him. Edwin was pressing his fists together, which Charles recognized as a sign that he was upset about something. Even more alarmingly, his eyes were brimming with tears. He sniffed and blinked rapidly, refusing to look at Charles.

"Mate, talk to me. What's wrong? Did I say something?"

"No, it's nothing. I -" His voice caught. He cleared his throat and tried again. "I am unaccustomed to… People do not usually… care about my discomfort."

"How d'you mean?"

"In general." Edwin waved his hand. "There were things - back when I was alive - that used to bother me. Sounds, smells. Lights, sometimes. People always became cross if I brought it up. The governess, teachers -"

"Even your parents?"

"Especially my parents. I didn't dare say anything to them. Children were supposed to be seen and not heard." A note of bitterness had crept into his voice.

Charles scowled, suddenly feeling irrationally angry. If the people who'd treated Edwin that way weren't already long dead, he'd have had some choice words for them. Maybe more than that. "Well that's bollocks," he said. It came out harsher than he'd intended, but Edwin didn't flinch. He merely looked at Charles curiously. "From now on, if something's bothering you, you tell me and I'll sort it. 'kay?" He put his hands on Edwin's shoulders and looked him in the eyes. "You're not an inconvenience, Edwin. Not to me. You got that?"

Edwin took a shaky breath and nodded. He swallowed. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Charles smiled, then turned and continued walking, watching out of the corner of his eye to make sure Edwin had started moving too. "So, where to? There's gotta be someplace in this city where we can look at a bunch of dusty old books without obnoxious lights buzzing everywhere."

[antispopausandstuff]

one thing that really sticks with me about how SPOP mishandles Adora's character is that they pretend they care about Adora's emotional and psychological sacrifices, but really largely focus on her physical sacrifices. and even then, they focus on it in a very specific, unconstructive way.

yes, they make Catra ask Adora what she wants, but it's not for her own health. it's because the writers, and Catra, want Adora to say that she wants her, regardless of how abusive the relationship is.

in terms of Adora's emotional and psychological sacrifices, she's made plenty for the sake of others, but mainly Catra. and that's never questioned or brought up.

there's not a single scene in the show where Glimmer, Bow, or anyone close to her is frustrated that Adora is constantly sacrificing her own mental health by taking the blame for others actions or inactions. it's only vaguely touched upon in the Perfuma introduction episode, but it's nothing intricate or deeper. they just say "oh, you don't have to be perfect all of the time! that'd be obnoxious of you, anyway!" and that's it. and i never liked the message that sends. it always sounded like they were blaming the 'perfect one' for being that way, not the ones who conditioned them so that if they aren't perfect, they're nothing.

yes, Adora stands up for herself against Catra, but, though it's a great moment for her character, it doesn't exactly feel... natural. in my opinion, anyway.

the reason why i say this is because her support group rarely handles Catra themselves when Adora's in danger, call out Catra for her behavior, notice when Catra's words or influence are negatively affecting Adora, etc., etc. her support group does this with Shadow Weaver, but not Catra, and the writers don't make it great even then, i.e, Shadows of Mystacor.

so, while every beatdown of Shadow Weaver does more or less feel 'earned' ( that's not a great way to phrase it, but i can't think of a better word atm ), Adora standing up for herself in s3 feels almost out of focus? like, i know it likely meant she's not responsible for any of Catra's actions, but it felt more like "i'm not responsible for you making the Portal and breaking the world".

because of how limited the focus of 'sacrifice' is in this show, they don't consider how difficult and taxing it is to give everything to a person, not just your physical health and safety.

it's another reason why i got really annoyed when Glimmer brushed off Adora being angry that Catra was ungrateful and spiteful for all of them saving her. not only because Glimmer has seen Catra be... 'nice', but because it just goes to show that the writers don't actually care what Adora has to sacrifice, physical or otherwise.

C//A isn't just abusive because Catra takes advantage of Adora at every turn and Adora has no escape. it's abusive because every single choice Adora has to make for Catra is, essentially, always going to be a sacrifice, whether she knows it or not.

[lover-of-mine]

OK so for background to this question. I once complained to you about Tommy ditching Buck at the restaurant. You were fair and set me straight. I always credit you with that to mutuals. Don't even use it since then. This season Tommy wasn't even a character I could really not like because I actually felt sad for him. I mean the writers clearly don't care except to sort of not write great for him. They didn't even try to give him a bit of the Addison treatment from Grey's. It was clear there was so vested interest in him as being around. That brings me to the question for you because I respected your answer last time. But to preface, my pet peeve is when people change their opinions on tropes to excuse behavior. So here goes.

I was ok ignoring him. But let's be real here. If you watched your favorite show that had best friends like Buck and Eddie. Even if you viewed them as platonic and they hey maybe morey if the writers were brave?? But just best friend main characters. Absolutely if a scuzzy ex came back after one had to leave and celebrated them leaving.... Every fan of the show would riot! That actually was probably some of the most toxic writing I have seen that isn't widely acknowledged from the other side

I don't know it just bugs me. It wouldn't have flown under normal circumstances.

Hello again, darling 🫶

They are very clearly using Tommy as minimally as they can, they are giving him just enough development so that he exists. It's hard to form a full opinion on him with only the show to go on, I'm sure that without fandom, I would lowkey feel bad for him because he is kinda like a sad wet cat when you look at it without any fanon-created goggles.

A lot of things that happened in the bucktommy relationship wouldn't have flown under any other circumstances, famously Buck putting Eddie in the hospital being one of them, we all know how that would've gone if it had been Eddie (make the relationship go exactly the way it did but it's Eddie and Tommy, and dear god no one would like Tommy and there would be calls and calls to kill Eddie off), but the fact that people are overlooking the way Tommy was ready to celebrate Eddie leaving is very icky, that's for sure. Like, for me is a redux of the way Natalia thought Buck's death was cool when we spent a few episodes discussing how much that affected everyone around Buck, we spent a healthy amount of the past few episodes establishing that Eddie leaving is bad. It's something that's hurting Buck deeply, so much so that that implication actually triggers Buck. I personally don't think there's a way around it, it's not like Tommy ever explicitly brought up the fact that he was insecure about Eddie's space in Buck's life.

The whole time this relationship is happening, we have been saying that Tommy knows what he's getting into when it comes to Buck and Eddie. The breakup also makes it clear that he knows he can't win this fight, if Buck had to choose, he would choose Eddie. The way that he takes this thing that's been eating at Buck as a win by default so much so that he's willing to joke about it and thinks Buck wouldn't mind is very 😬😬😬. Like, the guy kissed Buck while Buck went on and on about Eddie. He used Chris to calm him down back then. He is weirded out about the way they are in Eddie's house, and he's still going for it. While he has the right to feel insecure, he has no right to actually accuse Buck of having feelings for Eddie and imply their relationship was a competition if he didn't voice the concerns before. He made the choice to date the guy for 6 months, he could've walked away. And he did. But coming back all yay Eddie is gone and expecting Buck to be fine with it is insane behavior. Even in a scenario where you don't think there's more between Buck and Eddie, Eddie is Buck's best friend. No person who truly cared about Buck would celebrate him losing that just because it makes their life easier. I'm with you on that one, it's just another thing people are ignoring in favor of making Tommy the victim of a situation he made a very conscious choice to walk into.

[calliecopper]

Yeah, this is very real. While it's important to acknowledge that Ian had his reasons for many of his decisions, many of those decisions DID hurt Mickey. They're not some magical couple that are always confident in having one another no matter what; they're real people who feel real hurt when the other does them wrong, and feel real doubt when faced with challenges in their relationship.

Mickey was terrified of Terry finding out about him being gay, so he lashed out at Ian and told him he was nothing but a warm mouth. Mickey's response is understandable, especially after we see Mickey's fears realized in S3E6, but his words still hurt Ian and pushed him into the arms of Ned. Mickey tried to push Ian away after Terry discovered them because he felt it was the easiest path forward. Again, it is understandable since he just went through extreme trauma, and his worst nightmare actually came true, but Ian still was left crying alone in his room, heartbroken. Mickey felt he didn't have a choice in marrying Svetlana. Again, what really could he have done? Ian still felt hurt enough to feel the need to flee Chicago altogether.

So when Ian is faced with a lifelong illness that he has witnessed first hand, through Monica, ruin lives, he has doubts. He doubts his own self-worth because he has been TOLD that he has no worth. He doubts not necessarily that Mickey loves him right now, but that over time there will be strain, and Mickey will regret being with him.

"I'm bipolar, right? I dont know who I am from one day to the next, how do you know you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"

Ian, still grappling with his new diagnosis and still feeling those doubts breaks up with Mickey. Understandable, because he's going through extreme mental turmoil at the moment. It still breaks Mickey's heart, after all the work he had put in to make things right. When Mickey is arrested, Ian takes it as a sign to try and move on, and put distance between them for both of their sakes. Fair enough; Ian is still going through a really hard time, and grieving his boyfriend being in prison for 8-12 years without trying to move on would make things even harder. Mickey still feels abandoned. Ian decides to not cross the border with Mickey when they're on the run. Again, a very sound decision; Ian has rebuilt a life for himself that he thought he'd never get back after his diagnosis. Mickey still, yet again, feels abandoned.

So when Ian hesitates on getting married, Mickey sees it as yet another failure. He's tried time and again to make it work; he faced his worst fears in coming out to his dad, broke out of prison to be with Ian, got himself thrown BACK INTO prison to be with Ian, and yet Ian still won't commit. Mickey feels like he isn't enough for Ian anymore, because even after trying his hardest over and over again to be who Ian needed him to be, Mickey always ends up losing him.

"No, you're just saying you don't love me enough now."

They've broken each other's hearts again and again, and it has lasting effects on their relationship. There's festering hurt, sadness, and insecurity. Actions and words that have cut deep. But they still persevere. They were never some destined couple, always meant to find their way back to each other like magnets. They weren't always 100% confident in the other's love for them. They've actively been forced apart and have even pushed each other away, but they always claw their way back to each other, because despite the doubt, they take a leap of faith.

So yeah, not to take over this post, but I feel this is important perspective to keep on their characters and relationship. They're not always confident in themselves or how much the other person cares for them. Their love does not immediately overcome all obstacles; they have to fight both internal and external battles to be together, and that's what's compelling about them.

i find it wild when people don’t realise how insecure mickey is in later seasons about ian loving him (i think this at least decreases after they get married, but it probably still comes up sometimes). mickey literally says:

- ‘did you ever think about me?’ in 7x11 (he was not confident that ian wanted him, he was not sure of himself or ian loving him, he was of the belief that ian hardly gave enough of a shit about him to spare him a thought)

- ‘is this the only reason you proposed to me?’ in season 10 (okay, the quote makes sense in context but it’s the absolutely gut shattering way that noel fisher does it that absolutely kills me, same with the scene at the border)

- ‘no, you’re just saying you don’t love me enough now.’ in season 10 (is this not the most blatant thing in the world?? he’s literally saying that he doesn’t think ian loves him out loud and plainly??)

i’m not blaming ian for this, not entirely at least. sure ian did some shitty things, definitely contributed heavily to those insecurities, but there were reasons for those things and bla bla bla. we know by now that i love ian and im not hating on him.

personally i think mickey’s obviously wrong, that ian does love him, think about him, care about him because obviously. i think its also to do with his abusive childhood, how he never had love so doesn’t know why he would get it now as an adult.

all i’m saying is that people who believe ‘mickey always knew ian loves him’ did not watch the same show i did. even normal people who don’t go through the crazy shit they did question if their partners love each other, so why is it seen as some kind of weird crime for mickey to have thought that ian stopped loving him. there’s nothing wrong with that and i think you would have to be pretty delusional to sit in prison and think the guy that left you twice still likes you.

(again, i think ian did like him, im just saying mickey wouldn’t have known that)

this is in reference to some more shit i saw on tiktok that made me need to rant again

[see-arcane]

Re: Carmilla, Episode 11, The Story THOUGHTS

Ohhhh, this one was tasty. Just as an overall note: the storytelling cadence from Burgon and the ambient background were perfect in framing the whole thing. It sounded so plush--give or take the machinations of 'Millarca' and company

in the tone of an old friend, and calling me by my name, opened a conversation with me, which piqued my curiosity a good deal. She referred to many scenes where she had met me—at Court, and at distinguished houses. She alluded to little incidents which I had long ceased to think of, but which, I found, had only lain in abeyance in my memory, for they instantly started into life at her touch

Something is up with Millie's 'mother.' She can't just be an uncannily good performer--though she obviously is--because she has names, places, and events backlogged to mislead her target. Either she's a literal mind reader or Millie is and the murmured conversation before Mama starts acting was her passing useful information along.

I never saw anyone more taken with another at first sight, unless, indeed, it was the stranger herself, who seemed quite to have lost her heart to her.

^^^ This line is what grudgingly makes me give our future meeting with a certain golden-spectacled eleventh hour visitor a little leeway. We're coming up on a chapter where it will be stated that vampires, Carmilla included, are wont to put on a performance of romance and courtship while only wanting to dine and dash. To that assumption's credit, the General's experience does paint Millie in exactly that light. Because Carmilla, by choice or by craving, absolutely puts an act on for Bertha. Not to the level that we've seen her genuinely fixate on Laura, replete with plans to run away with her, but Millie is very much a Casanova. She does charm, seduce, drink, and move on to the next victim.

That isn't to say the assumption holds for her relationship with Laura, or even that the assumption is correct for every type of vampire, but. Yeah. Carmilla is a heartbreaker and a life taker and, leaving aside the eyeroll-inducing 'eVil LeSbIaN aFtEr YoUr DaUgHtEr!!1!' nonsense, she is very much the same kind of hunter as Lord Ruthven, if not nearly as sadistic. She's out here wooing pretty and virtuous young things until she gets what she wants and then she's out of there. RIP.

“I spent the interval in cudgeling my brains for a conjecture as to the identity of the lady who seemed to remember me so kindly,

(vibrating in Jonathan Harker) CUDGELING BRAINS QUOTE SPOTTED!! oh yeah and also

a gentleman, dressed in black, who looked particularly elegant and distinguished, with this drawback, that his face was the most deadly pale I ever saw, except in death. He was in no masquerade—in the plain evening dress of a gentleman; and he said, without a smile, but with a courtly and unusually low bow:— “‘Will Madame la Comtesse permit me to say a very few words which may interest her?’

Wait. Who are you?

“And with this injunction, playfully given, she walked a little aside with the gentleman in black, and talked for some minutes, apparently very earnestly.

About what? Who is this??

But at this moment she returned, accompanied by the pale man in black, who said: “‘I shall return and inform Madame la Comtesse when her carriage is at the door.’ He withdrew with a bow.”

WHO IS THIS WHO ARE ANY OF YOU MYSTERIOUS CARMILLA CREW

Really though, I wonder. I've seen a lot of theories about how the Comtesse might/must be Millie's real actual vampire mom or at least her sire, but that's never clicked with me, especially considering the Lore (tm) we unearth later. I'm more and more certain that her entourage has to land on one side of the coin or the other:

A) They're all vampires, or at least being steered by a main sire who parses everyone out in a new hunting territory.

B) Carmilla is the leader, coordinating a human crew's actions to plant herself near a desired target. Either she's paying them or coercing them. Because if this was truly a family affair, I'd have to wonder just why (SPOILERS) they all keep their distance and piss off into the horizon when [REDACTED] finally puts Carmilla in peril and puts her down.* If any of the crew are actually attached via love, where the hell will they be when Millie needs them?

ANYWAY

11/10 I am craving the next chapter

[kalinara]

So there's this interpretation that I have, I'm not sure how common it is, that when it comes to the X-Dream, the person who tends to embody it the most is Scott Summers, rather than Charles Xavier.

For once, this isn't meant to be a Charles Xavier hate post. Because I do think the mutant dream is important. And while I definitely have my share of "Magneto was Right" moments, especially with the world as it is right now, I do think that the dream of co-existence is, at heart, a good one.

Mutants and humans are not a separate species. While the "mutant gene" has a clear genetic component, something that's come up more and more often. The vast majority of mutants are born in human families. They have human lives. They belong to human countries. They have human racial identities and sexualities. They belong to human religions and subcultures. I don't think it's wrong to want acceptance, even given everything stacked against them.

Magneto's right. Sometimes. But Charles Xavier isn't wrong.

That said though, I don't think Charles himself really serves as an example of the Dream. For one thing, for the vast majority of X-Men canon history, Charles Xavier kept his mutation a secret. To the broader Marvel world, Professor Charles Xavier was just a very mutant-friendly rich, brilliant baseline human guy.

I'm not saying this as a criticism to Charles. I think that pretending to be a baseline human for so long is what allowed him to be able to raise, train and protect mutants in relative safety. It does, however, mean that he isn't an example of what he preaches.

Scott Summers, on the other hand...

One element from the original X-Men run that gets a bit lost nowadays, I think, is that (since it's before Hank turned blue), the two characters who really didn't pass as humans were Scott and Warren.

Don't get me wrong, they don't have the same difficulty as Kurt or Beak or Glob Herman. They have ways to mask as human in a pinch. But it doesn't take much to blow their cover. Warren can strap down his wings, but he can't get rid of them. And Scott's glasses fall off so often that it became his iconic image in the animated show's opening theme.

So that means, ultimately, that Scott really doesn't have a choice about it. He's pretty much got to live publicly as a mutant - with all that entails.

The funny thing about Xavier's Dream, I've always thought, is the best examples of it actually working aren't actually the X-Men. Something about the fact of a uniformed child army appearing out of nowhere to fight bad guys and then disappear after proving they can cause massive amounts of damage (...mostly Scott, admittedly, but sometimes Bobby too) tends to make people more freaked out rather than less.

Whereas Pietro and Wanda lived fairly openly as mutants in the Avengers and were actually pretty beloved. And during their respective stints on the Avengers, Hank, Storm, even LOGAN, tend to get positive press and reception. A lot of that, I suspect, is because the Avengers is a different kind of entity and folks didn't so much accept those mutant characters as just not think of them AS mutants. But it does indicate both that Xavier's onto something with positioning his students as heroes, and fucking up the execution somehow.

It does get interesting to see how other teams and characters tackle the idea. The Original X-Factor concept was fascinating. An obviously absurd and terrible idea that was as counterproductive as it was well-meaning, but also fascinating. Secretly training mutants while publicly acting like "mutant hunters".

Most of the time though, the X-Men basically followed the Xavier formula, even when Xavier was in space or otherwise on the outs. But it gets kind of interesting in the mid 00s, when we go through that spat of Xavier's the Worst (which I enjoy but also think gets a little over the top even for my Xavier-hating taste.) When he gets booted off and Scott (and Emma, but she's more in charge of the school side of things) takes over completely, we see a shift.

Whedon's Astonishing X-Men is really interesting in this context. I've seen folks dismiss it as some kind of "conservative" attempt to go back to a status quo that never really existed. (And honestly, I wish we'd stop calling story arcs that we don't like "conservative". It's always a story about a oppressed minority trying to exist in a world that despises them, even if we don't necessarily agree with the way they do it.) I don't see it that way. Whedon's X-Men is specifically presented as a strategic attempt, by Cyclops, to present a specific superheroic face to the world.

It's basically the same as the later X-Tinction Team, but in the opposite direction. And this isn't me putting my meta hat on, this is expressly the reason given for the team in the first couple of issues.

It does get a little funny then that half the run involves internal X-Men issues and then adventures on another planet, but there you go.

Then of course, we get the Decimation. We get the move to San Francisco, where, even then, Scott Summers's primary strategy is to make friends with the Mayor and try to have them live openly as part of the community. And it seems to even be working, to an extent, until Civil War and Dark Reign put the kibosh on that. Then we get Utopia, and the mutants under attack.

We do tend to lose the co-existence thread at this point, understandably. Though you could make the argument that Logan's team going back to the Mansion was an attempt to return to the Xavier-style status quo. While Scott's X-Tinction team was meant as a return to the Astonishing style superhero team, only this time scary and a clear lightning rod distraction from the Mansion folks.

Post AvX gets interesting, because you have Logan's team openly working with the Avengers. Scott's team is of course hunted, but somehow the guy still manages to be on every college dorm wall and get a cover of Rolling Stone. The Mutant Revolution at this point is oddly friendlier than Utopia when you get right down to it, and more about trying to set up a place where OTHER mutants get to live in their homes, with their own lives, even if Scott and his team get to live in a Weapon X facility. Even when he abandons the Dream, he really doesn't.

As much as I dislike Death of X and Inhumans vs. X-Men, the Xavier-hater in me gets unpleasantly smug by the idea that the "X" in Death of X does NOT refer to Xavier. Because Xavier is the dreamer, not the dream.

(That may also be why people tend to react really badly when Scott falls off his pedestal. Milquetoast Revolutionary Scott didn't really say anything all that different from his Claremont era characterization, but they act like he's a monster because his edgelord presentation is not the Dream they signed on for.)

It does make Krakoa even more interesting though, because we've got Xavier back. He's back being the architect and the Dreamer. But Krakoa is, when you think about it, the complete antithesis of his own dream!

There are definite good parts to it. Safety, resurrection, the chance for mutants to develop their own individual culture and identity. But it's not an idea that works for everyone. Not everyone WANTS to be separate from human society. And we see that, I think, in Scott Summers.

The Summer House is the gift that keeps on giving in terms of sparking meta. This time though, I think about its location. And where it is NOT. It's cool, it's fancy, it's built with Krakoan plant technology on the moon. But it's not on Krakoa itself, and the more I think about it, the more I think that's significant. During a time that the Council wouldn't even let Scott bring the Champions - superhero CHILDREN to Krakoa for safety, he's having his very human dad for family visits. (I wonder, if Kitty and the Marauders weren't available, would a space ship have been plan B?)

Later, we have the X-Men back in the Treehouse in the middle of New York City, helping the mayor and engaging in all kinds of outreach. Xavier's got his Camelot, so Scott gets to indulge in his own version of the Dream once more.

It's interesting actually, how the From the Ashes version seems to be an interesting amalgamation of vision. In many ways, it's like post-Schism Utopia or even the Revolutionary era - a repurposed base that once belonged to the enemy. A stripped down team focused on tactics and missions. No students at all, this time, except maybe the new mutants they've accumulated accidently.

(I realize it's funny to call the Adjectiveless Team "stripped down" when it's probably got the biggest cast of the X-books so far. But it definitely feels like Rogue's team is the catch all, for any former X-Men to just drift in and out as the writers see fit, while Emma's is basically Generation X, anew. It definitely reads like each member of the Adjectiveless team was chosen for a purpose)

At the same time though, they're not as isolated as Utopia. They're working with the locals. I know some folks were pretty bitter about the idea of Scott courting the local police chief, and I get that, but I also think it's completely in character. They're making a presence for themselves in the town rather than isolated from it, and it'll be interesting to see how that all works together.

[silvershadow1711]

I think something that drives me crazy when I think about the binary star game is the double and haley endings

Like- SURELY it cant be that easy right?? Surely we’re gonna acknowledge the aliens still planning to bring on the END OF THE WORLD while Double has us chained or us going thieving with haley and miles. Believe me, I love Haley and Double endings because GOSH i love Haley and miles but they are NAWT safe and gonna be happy for long when we literally remember the worldbuilding and that drives me crazy ToT

Another thing also is yuh Ray. I think what gets me so jumpy with their endings and after stories is well- idk, The lack of Binary star mention?? (i mean they do mention him but) That guy is NOT leaving us alone and that makes me so paranoid because oh god Haley, Miles, hell double are in danger still.

Like are we seriously gonna go and be thieves with Haley when we have our own serious history with idk, BINARY STAR THE NUMBER 1 PSYCHO HERO? mb i fr just dont want my besties killed 😞🙏 With Double though I guess my paranoia isn’t that extreme considering how good at hiding I assume he can be?

I think it just makes me all jumpy thinking despite us getting Haley or Double endings, we are not gonna be left alone yknow? We’re not- safe and sound even as we hang with Haley in the diner. We’re not gonna be safe with us chained to Double because surely soon enough *he’s* gonna come right? Or idk just decide its the end of the world

Ill stop my yapanese rq I gotta eat lunch 🥳!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD YES! FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE ACKNOWLEDGES THAT THE HALEY ENDING IS COMPLETELY DIVORCED FROM THE REST OF THE STORY!!

Like, I'm pretty sure I've said this before (where or when or to whom i don't remember) but Ray does not care about what you want. You don't like him? You're not interested? That's nice; you don't have a say in the matter. You are either in a relationship with Ray- whether or not you want to be- or you are dead. There are no other options, the Haley and Double endings are just prolonging one of those outcomes.

It doesn't matter how good Double thinks he is at hiding- Ray can read thoughts. Sure there's probably a maximum distance, but it's not like the guy is keeping you in the earth's core. What else is Ray going to do other than sweep entire cities until he hears you mentally bitching about Double for the umpteenth time?

It's even worse in the Haley ending because Double can at least teleport you away to put some distance between you and Ray (though, let's be serious; he would absolutely throw you at Binary Star like a feral cat to buy himself time to escape). If Ray shows up- and he WILL show up, let's not delude ourselves- what is Haley going to do? Even assuming they can turn into literally any animal they want, what's a hippo or tiger going to do against lasers that can melt diamonds? Die, that's what. And the fact that the MC isn't even thinking about Ray in that ending just shows how utterly divorced from reality they are- at least in the Double ending, seeing Ray's face everywhere makes them paranoid. If he showed up in the Haley ending, MC would probably say something like "what's your name again? I wanna say... Roy?"

(Haley ending is the Golden Deer route of BSH, change my mind)

And as for the alien invasion, it would be so funny if, while it's happening, Ray does nothing and while the people are begging him to save them, he interrupts a presidential address as Binary Star and directly addresses the MC. Like, their full name and everything on live tv. "MC. I know you're watching this. And I'm here to tell you- you, specifically- that I'm not doing jack shit until you come back to me. That's all it would take to end this. The blood of every man, woman and child that dies in this invasion is on your hands until you come home. Make your choice, Star."

[kanansdume]

Thank-you lol, I appreciate the faith. In fairness, it wouldn't be that hard to make a better show than the Ahsoka show, it was complete and utter trash from concept to execution.

That being said, I don't know that I would've completely removed her "Anakin issues" as the core of the Ahsoka show. As much as Ahsoka seems to come to the conclusion that she can't save Anakin at the end of Rebels, you could make an EASY argument that she hasn't really made her peace with that and that her history with him and what it MEANS for her that Anakin made these choices would still burden her. Rebels never really focused on it a lot because Ahsoka's not the main character of Rebels, it quite simply isn't her story, and I'd even to some degree say that she got TOO MUCH focus in Rebels (her struggle with the truth about Anakin has next to no real connection with or impact on the true main characters of the story, and it barely even parallels what they're going through until this moment in season 4).

The Ahsoka show made several fatal errors in how it handled this, though, some structural and some thematic. The main structural issue is simply that it got made into the "middle part" of some sort of overarching Mandoverse storyline that never should've existed in the first place, AND got included in the Rebels "Search for Ezra" plot that was likely should've focused more on Sabine than on Ahsoka (and we'll set aside for this post just how badly this show butchered poor Sabine since it isn't relevant to this discussion but OH BOY). Both of these things make it near impossible to truly focus in on Ahsoka's relationship with Anakin in a way that matters or makes sense.

Ahsoka's show SHOULD'VE probably been set some time between Rebels season 4 (or even theoretically Rebels season 2 since that's when Ahsoka actually comes back to) and the epilogue bit with Sabine. Show us HOW Ahsoka grew from that person who's still sort-of lost and defeated and stunned at the revelation of what Anakin became to the wise shaman in white she seems to have become in the epilogue. Show us how she even got off of Malachor in the first place, what kind of crazy bullshit did she have to do to escape the Sith planet, and how did the time she had to have spent on there impact her? Her show should've been an ENTIRELY new story with all new characters for her to interact with and learn from (I MIGHT have made an exception for someone like Barriss whose narrative at this point would kind-of revolve around her betrayal of Ahsoka anyway, and this could tie in quite nicely to what Ahsoka's going through).

The main THEMATIC issue with the Ahsoka show is that she decides at the end of it that none of the bad things Anakin did actually even mattered, because he did them "for love," and it was "meant to be," and she just sets all of that aside to remember him as a "good" master and basically nothing else. This is, PERHAPS, something of a bad faith interpretation of what the show was trying to get across, but... I don't think I'm that far off honestly. It barely even acknowledges the things Anakin did, they barely say anything bad about Anakin at all (the worst ever said about him in this show was Ahsoka saying he was "more dangerous than anyone knew" which is super fucking vague) while constantly eviscerating the Jedi for being weak or failures or elitist assholes who didn't understand anything about how the world or the Force truly worked. Sabine's choice to help set Thrawn free just so she can get Ezra back isn't actually condemned as the selfish thing it actually is, and it's AHSOKA who has to apologize to SABINE for not supporting her later, and Ezra himself is never even allowed to have an opinion on it at all. Given all of the obvious parallels between Sabine's story and Anakin's in this show, it's pretty clear what the show is trying to tell us about Anakin and his choices to me.

But PERSONALLY, I'd have had Ahsoka come closer to the conclusion we saw in the Kenobi show. Some of this depends on where in the timeline you choose to set the narrative. If it's pre-ROTJ still and she doesn't know Anakin's dead yet, she has to just accept that Anakin's evil and chosen to remain that way and there's nothing she can do to change that. She can choose to still remember him fondly and recognize that he'd once been a good person that she loved WHILE ALSO acknowledging he made some unforgivable choices that she can't condone. If it's post-ROTJ, then she has to accept both that Anakin chose to be an evil person AND that he was capable of being saved, but NOT BY HER. Like, consider how that knowledge impacts Ahsoka, Ahsoka who looks at Ezra trying so hard to save a master who sacrificed himself to save others, and realizes that her master is equally incapable of being saved but for the opposite reasons, and then having to hear that Anakin DID change in the end, that he COULD be saved, but he just wouldn't have done it for Ahsoka. And she just has to accept that because he's dead now. There's no changing the choices he made, but even if she chooses to remember the person he once was fondly, I don't think she'd ever truly be able to forgive that he refused to come back for her.

I wanted Ahsoka to LET GO of Anakin, I wanted her to recognize that he left her behind and, as much of an impact as that relationship had on her, she's spent most of her life WITHOUT HIM and that he is not the person who defines who she is now or who she'll be later. I wanted Ahsoka to recognize that Anakin never truly cared about her as much as she cared about him and that she had to just leave him behind in her past. Maybe he was a good master once, maybe some of the things he taught her were still worthwhile, but she's learned so many things since then that have proven to be more helpful and she learned so much from other Jedi both before him and after him that will ultimately allow her to find balance in a way he never did. I wanted Ahsoka to finally BREAK FREE of Anakin. But the Ahsoka show chose instead to yoke her to him instead, to define her by her relationship to him above and beyond literally any other relationships she might have had or will have in the future. Ahsoka deserved better than that, and I'll never forgive this show for doing this to her.

(And then in a second season you could've like brought in the whole concept of her taking on a Padawan and focused in on the whole "child soldier" thing and how spending years at war has impacted her and what that means about what she can pass on to a student, but the primary important relationship in this season would've been REX, and the student FOR DAMN SURE wouldn't have been fucking Sabine Wren. And only once ALL OF THIS was done would I have accepted a Search for Ezra narrative that wasn't even truly ABOUT Ahsoka at all, but about Sabine herself and about discovering this new galaxy.)

I really liked how Ahsoka’s hypocrisy in how she handles the battle with Anakin is later dealt with to give her actual growth in the World Between Worlds episode of season four.

Initially, we have Ahsoka telling off Hera in the season one finale for going after Kanan despite the risk to her crew, naming the message Ezra had sent out as part of the reason why they all needed to LIVE, as symbols of hope. She tells Hera that she has to let Kanan go, leave him for dead, so the rest of the Ghost crew can survive. Of course, Hera ultimately dismisses this and they go save Kanan and Ahsoka ends up showing up to save them all because now that they’ve made this choice, the Rebellion can’t just let them all die and is willing to put in the work to rescue them and bring them into the wider Rebellion.

But it ends up feeling like Ahsoka was just spouting empty platitudes at Hera that she doesn’t necessarily believe or follow herself. She’s following in her Master’s footsteps of using the tried and true “do as I say, not as I do” method of teaching. Because she spends all of season two trying desperately to deny the fact she discovers in the beginning of the season about Anakin having become a Sith. And in the end, she chooses to let herself die with him rather than leave Anakin behind and save herself along with Kanan and Ezra. She has a chance, she COULD escape Anakin, but she chooses not to. Because the guilt she feels for having left the Order (and therefore Anakin) and the part that may or may not have played in Anakin’s choices later are eating at her and consuming her. She lets her attachment to Anakin get the better of her and in doing so, she robs the Rebellion of her skills, her assets, her support. She robs Kanan and Ezra of another Jedi to connect to and seek guidance from.

When Ezra saves her, he just sort-of grabs her from behind, she seems to have no real idea he’s even there until she’s through the portal with him. And while she’s not upset with him for what he’s done, she just seems to refocus on the problem at hand and the mystery literally surrounding them.

Up until they find the portal leading to Kanan’s final moments, and she sees Ezra desperately wanting to save him, too. She sees Ezra consumed in that grief over the loss of his Master, unable to see what she can see from a more objective position. That Kanan made his choice, a choice that saved them all, and Ezra’s desire to save Kanan and remove him from this moment like he did her would go against what Kanan’s sacrifice had been for. It would disrespect everything Kanan had chosen to do in that moment.

And she sees, finally, through having to stop Ezra from saving Kanan, that she can’t save Anakin either.

Because Anakin might have been kind once. He might have cared about people once.

But now, he’s just someone who tried to kill her. Now, he’s a Sith Lord hell bent on terrorizing the galaxy and the Jedi. She can’t save him. Before, she reacted to knowing that by deciding that if she couldn’t save him, then she’d die with him, just to prove that she wouldn’t leave him. Now, she promises Ezra that, even though she has to go back through the portal to her own timeline, she’ll find him. She’s not just going to let herself die with Anakin, she’s not going to let her grief consume her, and she’s going to reconnect with a fellow Jedi who is now, so far as either of them know, completely alone in the galaxy.

I love how watching Ezra overcome his own grief, work past his own selfish desire to save Kanan and recognize why he can’t, accept the choices Kanan made even if he doesn’t like them, allows Ahsoka to accept the truth about Anakin and overcome her own guilt in order to move forward from it. She finally understands the real meaning behind why the Jedi forbade attachments, just like we see Kanan learning the true meaning behind Jedi teachings as HE teaches them to Ezra earlier in the show.

[rottenraccoons]

Hiiii!

I just played through chapter two and oml it was stunning. I had to pause several times because i kept giggling and took a lap around my room when i got the cirrus and keir good end. Props to the artist and writer because their work is incredible.

Anyways, I’d like to ask a few questions, though some of these have probably been asked beforehand.

Firstly, do the choices about your features matter when keir asks you about your best feature and eye color? As in, will it change anything other than the text?

Secondly, under the assumption that the answer to the first question is yes, how much can we customize our vesper? Will there even be a face reveal where the player can decide or is there a canon vesper with only the eye color changing?

Thirdly, is there ever going to be a point where we change masks or names? In a route where it is needed for this to happen after vesper gets themself in a rough spot?

Lastly, are we ever going to know the real names of every major character? We already know francesco’s because of how naive he is but what about the others? This also applies to vesper, will they ever get a name reveal?

Sorry if some of these questions have the potential to spoil anything, feel free to make your answer as vague as possible.

Whoo, that's a lotta questions. Here's the short answers:

The appearance chat with Keir has a lot of text variations, but they're all for flavour. There's no affection score or story branching occurring because of that.

While we'll never say never, I don't think a Vesper face reveal is in the cards. There are things that are important about Vesper that are definitely canon that we have to depict in-game, but their appearance isn't one of those things.

No asking for spoilers, naughty 🤫

Without getting too philosophical before the caffeine has kicked in, I think there's an argument to be made that the only character working under a false name is Oleander. Keir and Cirrus' names are the ones they use with their core community, which as far as I'm concerned is what a real name is. It's the name you use with the people who matter most to you, not the name you were first given as a baby.

[yayasvalveplay]

Ok, but Megatron being the most cautious of the Decepticons in dealing with Optimus in the I'm an Autobot AU. Because, yeah, that's the love of his life, but- It's been a long time. Optimus doesn't even remember him, and- and Megatron has changed, since the early days. Orion wasn't exactly a pacifist, not by the time the war got started, but he had ideas about diplomatic resolutions, about rules and limits and being better than their opponents. And then they killed him, and Megatron in his grief prosecuted the war in ways Orion would never have countenanced.

All of which to say...if Optimus decides, once he remembers, that Megatron isn't the mech he fell in love with, that he can't look past all that Megatron has done...well, it'll break his spark, but he won't force Optimus to stay. Too many people have denied Orion his choices since they last met. Megatron won't be another.

(yes, I am mentally scoring their eventual reunion to 'Would You Fall in Love With Me Again' from Epic (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAVfp4YZ8nA))

Ok but imagine if Megatron had carved them a bed into a crystal tree where they had first confessed their feelings for eachother, and much like Penelope, Optimus asks if Megatron could move their bed out of the room.

Megatron gets angry because he would need to cut the bed from the roots, and Optimus just says. "Only my conjunx knew that." There's a pause as tears comes from his optics. And then the "I will always fall in love with you, over and over again. I don't care how where or when No matter how long it's been your mine."

Orion's been waiting. In the body of someone new, waiting and waiting for his conjunx to come back to him, to love him as he's always done. Now is no different. Megatron is his.