#and this is technically a flashback now too rip

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 59 Pain Posting

Here we go, dear void. What fresh hell awaits our MC this week? We are back to setting up for the next big story moment, for one, so there's lots to speculate over before waiting to see how it all plays out. Oh, and suffering of course. There's plenty of that for almost everyone.

Bad TL of editor's notes and the colour page (second editor's note could technically be spoilers I guess):

First page: 慘状を前に… [sanjou wo maeni...] "Standing in front of a terrible scene..."] Last page: 死んだハズ… だが…?! [shinda hazu... daga...?!] "Supposedly dead... and yet...?!"

Colour Page Text (removed in EN version): 見据える過酷な旅路 [misueru kakoku na tabiji; "Sights fixed on the difficult journey ahead"]

Not much to say about the colour page except I like how moody it is (and big Makizumi guy is pretty cute with his pose). Guess I was wrong as usual about the Makizumi following Samura. Would be cool if they acted like personal bodyguards to Chihiro! They're the only ones who can really fight against Samura right now due to being presence-less ninjas after all. That's a really interesting conflict for them too- they clearly care for him a lot as the only person who treated them as actual people, and he definitely cares for them in return. His desire to save them during the Hishaku raid wasn't an act in the slightest! But more on that later.

Samura vs. Chihiro: Round 1

Stressed-out scribble-eye Chihiro returns... someone give him a hug.

Glad I didn't try to predict shit because I would have been totally flabbergasted by how this went. Way to make a (technical) liar out of me by saying Chihiro can't die since he's the MC, Hokazono-sensei.

Watching Chihiro break down in real time was so hard, man. This poor guy got his shit rocked by John yesterday at the Rakuzaichi, watched Tenri die a pointless death for the same reasons he's on his own journey, witnessed the horror of his dad's Civilian Murderton 3000 at 1% capacity, and now Samura, one of his heroes, betrayed them all with his dad's legacy. He even got one-tapped when he finally lost his cool for real.

Chihiro seriously can't handle all of this and it's so heartbreaking to see. This guy was not built for a bloody revenge mission at all. Now that he died, though... seriously, what's going to happen next?! Do we switch PoV to a different character while Chihiro's dealing with whatever's happening to him in what looks like a hospital morgue?

There are also some questions about the circumstances of his death and apparent revival- did he really die, or was that Kamunabi misinformation for/from the Hishaku mole? If he did, then how did he come back? And how does that affect his contract with Enten? There's absolutely nothing to go on right now so it's time to hunker down and not go crazy waiting for answers.

Apropos of nothing: I wonder if that wound that Samura gave him will scar. If so, it would mirror the one Uruha had on his shoulder:

RIP I'm still not over you, Uruha.

Probably just a nit-picky detail thing that won't amount to anything, but I wanted to post Uruha from when he was still alive so there you go. I'd be very surprised if Uruha came back somehow even though Chihiro apparently may have escaped death... It seems super-duper extra final that he's toast thanks to the duel he had with his master before getting done in. May you please reappear in flashbacks from time to time so I can get sad that you're no longer with us all over again.

One last thing before we move on to the Hishaku at Disused Building Full of Trash HQ:

SHIBAAAAAA SAVE YOUR NEPHEW AND HIS (BOY)FRIEND

Shiba showing up was in "delusions" territory for me but I'm so glad he's here!

Of course he's getting called out (kind of) for not telling Chihiro the truth- we saw him being one of Kunishige's top glazers back in chapter 1 despite how uncomfortable it made the dude to be praised. So we just have to sit back and wait for the secrets to come out once Chihiro's well enough to at least listen. And if Shiba can bring himself to talk. All the older guys in this manga are so guilty they'd put a Catholic to shame and Shiba already struggles with not being able to deter Chihiro from taking this bloody path in the first place. He almost failed to save a Rokuhira twice now too.

Samura's kindness towards Chihiro is so genuine even when he's trying to kill the kid. Don't ruin the image of Kunishige for him, Shiba- let him live and die in ignorant bliss.

"Your dad's legacy is the problem."

A man who shared Kunishige's vision has come to want to destroy everything about it and help expose the lies that made them into "heroes"... man, is there any non-Hishaku character in this manga that isn't encumbered by some huge amount of guilt?

Toxic Old Man Yaoi

Nice trashed warehouse HQ, bros. Definitely getting "we lost the war and suffered for it" vibes from these guys. I'm willing to stake 1 (ONE) slice of birthday cheesecake on everything I've talked about in the past regarding their origin- that the Seitei War was a civil war, and the Hishaku were on an imperialistic/dynastic side that lost. BECAUSE:

The Owl spread was AMAZEBALLS

MY NEMESIS

It's deliberate! This is the third time this damn vase has shown up, and in four panels this chapter no less! I need lovingly detailed close-ups of every flower to better ID them for the hanakotoba interpretations but I've only gotten a few so far. Most importantly, a matsumoto (elegance/nobility), sakurasou (deep desire), kiku (Imperial imagery), and what might be a poppy (for assured victory) but I'm not completely confident on the last one.

But anyway, yeah. Another yaoi bomb has hit the fandom.

Look at John talking like a five-year-old about unbreakable pinky promises lmao

Did it have to be pinky rings? What's next, they're connected by a red string? HOKAZONOOOOOOOOOOOO

They're in some kind of toxic stew of a relationship for sure with how things went down this chapter. Worst Jeanist helpfully gave us the details of the pact they made to get Samura's help and he's the only one who's concerned that the guy can actually make good on his "promise" to kill them all. Hope he's got some good anxiety management techniques because John won't say a damn thing about what his contingency plans are until they're enacted, apparently.

Can't run from the blind man.

How do you manoeuver against the guy who is set up to be the tactician of the war, though? His ability to super sense things and scout with that awesome-looking Owl power will definitely make it difficult to go against him despite being blind. And the EN TL says "control" here but the wording in JP was closer to "flushing out" like someone who pursues and exposes prey animals or drives cattle/sheep/etc. So Samura's definitely someone who's used to scouting and hunting, making him quite the formidable assassin.

Of course they're using each other though. And of course there's a separate Kamunabi mole that gave away the Rokuhira household's info. Guess we'll get into that shortly since I'm doing a dangerous thing and assuming that the Kamunabi have rounded up the rest of the Bearers at the HQ to chill with them and the Sword Master. Will they have enough manpower to stand against both the Hishaku and Samura by next week? Will Hakuri even wake up by then? Will Chihiro be able to fight at all? Probably since this is a high-octane action series! I'll just have to shut up and accept the condensed timeline sooner or later. (Seriously though, only a week?!)

"消耗 [used up/exhausted/depleted]" is one way to put it, I guess.

Wonder why they didn't kill Hakuri outright if he was such a problem. Do they have something planned for him later? It's not like John cares about sparing people's lives in the way Samura does, so wouldn't he have mentioned it would have been better to get rid of him for good? Eh, probably just a pointless nitpick. Hakuri's staying to the end of the series in all probability, so he just couldn't die here.

Needing to negotiate with other members-John's a first among equals like Beard Guy at the Kamunabi, maybe? Let's meet all the Hishaku members soon to find out!

Samura, Chihiro, Hiurhiko, and Worst Jeanist Musings

[slaps Samura] This bad boy can fit so much misguided grief in it.

This guy is already an incredibly compelling villain that I've done analysis on bit by bit as we got new info, and I gotta say that if I wasn't sold hard on Kyora for personal reasons then Samura would easily be #1 already. He's so complex and multi-layered! I think the detail that makes him great as a "villain" is that his convictions are colder than the surface of Pluto compared to Chihiro's (and most other character's) who burn bright and hot. Samura doesn't have any passion behind what he's doing, just an inflexible will to see a miserable but necessary job through to the end. If Chihiro's an unstable blazing young star, Samura is the black hole that remains after a supernova finally burns out.

The contrast during their first face-off is extremely telling too. Neither hesitate but Samura easily wins due to his composure alone, never mind the skill and experience gap. Poor Chihro's broken inside and out after finding out one of the people his dad trusted is helping his mortal enemies; the stoicism that John fractured the day before completely falls apart here to reveal Chihiro at his lowest.

"Better dead than a guilty sinner," is it? Too late for that!

And Samura's doing it all because he wants to spare him from becoming a tainted sinner. I can't hate Samura at all- he's doing this as an act of kindness with sympathetic motivations despite how far gone off the rails he is. This isn't a typical villain who just wants the world to burn after he wallowed in his misery for too long! I'm looking forward to seeing how Chihiro recovers and prepares to face him again. If he's going to be the one to do it, that is.

Look at this pathetic ugly frog guy.

Just putting this in my back pocket to pull out later if it manifests somehow. I don't have strong feelings one way or the other about Hiruhiko being the one to kill Samura right now, but I do hope he's not redeemed somehow to join the main cast. My feelings on why are extremely petty so I'll just leave it at "don't make him the bonkers former criminal ally guy that everyone sorta tolerates because he's earnest and useful". I will concede that he was almost cute this chapter, though. Worst Jeanist probably deserves a raise for putting up with him.

And now we know how John got his arm back too.

Another healing utility person like the Makizumi, huh? I wonder if we'll get more lore on if this is a field of study that anyone who can use sorcery can take advantage of (like tools), or if it's how their personal abilities manifest. Probably won't get answers unless we spend more time with the Makizumi so here's hoping!

WARNING: TERMINAL BRAIN ROT AHEAD

Not kidding in the slightest about the absolutely mind-numbingly stupid takes about this (very cool!) cover illustration. Skip this if I don't cut it from the final draft of the post unless you're into batshit ramblings from an insane fudanshi.

[feral screeching]

I've got really strong feelings about this cover. REALLY strong. Only the first of them is justified though. Kinda.

One, HIYUKI IT'S BEEN SO LONG I MISS YOU COME BACK TO THE MAIN STORY SOON! She looks so cool too! I love that she doesn't have to do blatantly feminine stuff ever- she's 100% badass and awesome every time she shows up. I'm waiting warmly for your return, my Spaghetti Queen! Use your frenemy rival status to help Chihiro overcome his issues this arc!

This cover and some of the community's reactions to it sparked a lot of thoughts that I've been working out for the past few days. Some about how leaks are being handled, some about how people are reacting to the characters and the composition, a lot about Hiyuki herself. The first easy enough: yes, this cover and colour page count as leaks. Don't spread that shit all over social media! Keep leaks a purely opt-in experience for everyone. The rest, well... probably going to have another massive essay since I love Hiyuki but I don't love why she's so refreshing, if that makes sense? And by God do I hate the way she gets treated by most of the fandom. But I'll work all that out over time.

Two, the Hiyuki-Chihiro design parallels are getting to me in a bad way. Like "tinfoil hat and red string on a tack board" levels of baseless speculation. But I think it's extremely deliberate on the author's part to keep using the same black-with-a-splash-of-red-up-top colour palette for them now that they even have matching undone bandages in this art for some reason. Why not have those two do their own thing like Hakuri got to? He actually kind of sticks out as if no one told him to dress all in black for this photo shoot!

I don't want to let my HakuHiro shipper bias get the better of me here though, so I'll just keep the crazy to myself until we learn more and/or I finish getting the Hiyuki thoughts in order.

Three, HEROINE HAKURI PROPAGANDA!

I'm being completely serious here! I've been banging pots and pans while screaming from the rooftops (internally) about how Hakuri is in the traditional heroine role since I wrote that HakuHiro essay around Chapter 38! He spares Hiyuki from having to balance things out by providing a soft touch because that's his job. And he's so good at it!

Seriously look at his pose! He's leaning in to Chihiro and doing a cute little gesture with his hands, looking so soft while Chihiro and Hiyuki are the baddest motherfuckers to ever exist! Hokazono-sensei was extremely serious when he said he intended for Hakuri to add cuteness. He's so cute! CUTE! But it's not like he's a total uwu marshmallow either- he's still got a really cool outfit on that highlights his boyish charm. He's just the "soft" one to Chihiro's cool and Hiyuki's fierce.

I know I'm a delusional lunatic for going nuts over this. And I hope it's clear that I'm not taking this as a sign that Hakuri's going to be an actual love interest. I'm not that far gone. I'm just always appreciating that Hakuri and Hiyuki essentially swapped roles in a traditional shounen trio in terms of what kind of balance they bring to the dynamic. I think it's an underrated aspect of Kagurabachi's appeal and I wish more shounen did this! Hokazono-sensei seems to love cute guys and cool women and I am 100% behind him if that's the case.

Rough entry but I'm not having a good time lately. Do your best to survive the rest of the year, kind void. We'll make it through for the sake of finding out how the Kagurabachi cast suffers from week to week if nothing else. Give yourself a little treat today, okay?

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ofmd s2e4 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

it's been a busy week since last thursday and shit's only gonna get busier for me after tomorrow so hopefully i can get through these two episodes out before i go to bed lol!!! anyway once again these posts are just me rambling so i can process the insane amount of information in these episodes and if u want to read them too that's fine.

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

rip everyone who wanted homoerotic sword fighting in the gentebeard reunion. have a headbutt as a consolation prize.

obsessed with stede holding raw room-temperature meat against his bruised face bc that's not even a little bit how that works. i love this show.

ok so jim saying "he'll probably get around to killing you after he's rested" in response to stede saying ed needs to regain his strength actually gives some pretty good context to why they want ed of the ship so bad. bc they DID fully try to kill ed and now he's here and alive and like. if i were jim i would be pretty worried abt ed holding a grudge abt that.

wont lie stede being like "we dont just banish people, that's not us!" makes me thinkg abt how they fully banished izzy from the ship in e6. i mean technically izzy banished himself on accident but. lol.

also izzy's absence in this scene indicating he is not yet considered part of the entire crew

roach: i need that steak back, it's dinner stede: (pulling the steak away) oh, right fang: maybe let's put the banishment to a vote? stede: (steak back on his face, apparently having forgotten he was literally just about to give the meat to roach) aw do we have to :(

ed chained to the ship is doing. a lot for me. i wont lie.

buttons saying he's been to the gravy basket a few times... how many times has this man almost died??????

it is deeply funny to me that they edit the split second flashback of the drowning and mermaid hallucination to look all creepy as if that whole scene wasn't set to an incredibly sappy 80's love song (said with immense affection)

OBSESSED with stede trying to be like. encouraging to izzy. and being like "he cant hear you he's got no head" about izzy yelling at the ruined figurehead. this fucking dork.

so ive seen ppl talking abt how the crew's in a deadlock abt banishing ed and which ppl they think were pro-banishment and which were against, but the scenes with the crew make it look like everyone's voting for ed to get kicked out. so tbh i think like either of the following interpretations are pretty valid: the crew is split 50/50 on if they should banish ed OR the crew 100% wants to banish ed and stede was gonna try and leverage izzy's vote to try and get more ppl to change their mind. doesnt rlly matter either way tho

also the fact that izzy was the one to keep ed's body is. interesting. the others must've known abt it and helped izzy hide the body in the secret room. but izzy being the one to be like "no we're not throwing him overboard" is. something. no conclusions abt this atm im just rotating this fact in my brain.

i also just have a lot of thoughts abt the mutiny and the fact that like, jim's a trained assassin and the others are also pretty experienced killers and they probably knew they hadn't completely finished the job. and there was plenty of opportunity for them to do something about that. but instead they hid his body and waited for ed to succumb to his injuries. it feels kinda like ed's "technically i outsource the big job" rule. idk. thoughtssss.

frenchie in this scene is so funny bc he seems both actually apologetic abt kicking ed off the ship but also very relieved/vindicated to see him go.

didnt realize olu almost said smthng to ed lol i thought ed was just saying "fuck you" to him for no reason ghfjkghjkfh

"first time i've ever been on this side of a walk of shame" wee john i have so many questions. how many times have you been banished from a ship.

obsessed with archie just being like "way to make this awkward brah." her shitty boss put her life at risk in an attempt to make her and her coworkers kill him in a weird roundabout suicide attempt and her summary of the situation is "well, this is awkward :/"

"shitty sailing with you" sick burn, jim

"you're making it really hard to look up to you, man" LOVE how black pete is still a blackbeard stan. despite everything.

just ONCE i want someone to appreciate roach's sandwiches :(

"dont you want your sammy" STEDE I WOULD DIE FOR YOU

also i disagree with the subtitles here im like 99% sure says "you're no fuckin mermaid" not "you're not a fuckin mermaid" but that's just me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

stede looks SO sad abt not being a mermaid

love how everyone in this episode just sort of nods and is like "yeah okay" every time buttons tells them he's turning into a bird

altho with stede in this scene specifically im convinced that he's just jumping at the chance to follow ed to the island. he was absolutely gonna come up with some shitty excuse to go ashore anyway but it's nice of buttons to give him plausible deniability

i love how much ed hates nature

why do the subtitles say "gyp-" this has been bothering me all week. the line is "like a drifter"

i also love ed's line delivery of "a wolf?"

anyway dumb posts abt the spider tattoo backstory: 1, 2, 3

i love to see ed getting hugs... wish i could give him a hug :(

ok also buttons talking abt the gravy basket made me think ed needed like some sort of spell or smthng to snap out of it but instead it just kinda wore off by the end of the episode (maybe, depends on how you read the whole buttons turning into a bird scene). this is very funny to me for some reason

anne rubbing the cup she's holding against her tit. queen.

stede bonnet idiot dumbfuck moments

i LOVE anne's line delivery of "eddie motherfuckin teeeeach" like yeah that's cj's girl alright. or was cj's girl. who knows.

SECRET HANDSHAKE im cryinggggg. i love them.

stede's voice sounds so weird when he says "i wasn't looking for you" and that's because he's fucking lying through his teeth

LOVE how anne and mary look at each other after the "shipmates" "former" interaction like they are immediately on the same wavelength. and that wavelength is fucking with ed and his ex. they sniffed out a messy relationship dynamic and were like "oh hell yeah we need more of this in our lives"

ed is SO bitchy this whole scene i fucking love it. ed's face when he says "him?" fdhjksgfjhdgkj

ed: whatever 🙄 anne: whatever? 👀 mary: whatever! 😈

wee john getting more goth is so good

drunk izzy rambling at the ship's figurehead is so funny to me tho i miss drunk izzy

ed's crew lady macbeth "out damned spot" moments

i like how there's a goat in the background of this scene in anne and mary's house and it is unexplained and also never seen again.

ed's face after stede says "that's romance" is soooo good this bitch is so pissed. like oh would you have met me at the docs if i peeled the guard's face off instead of just paying him off? is that what fuckin does it for you???? not that it matters bc i dont care. but. cunt.

yeah im just focusing in on all of ed's faces in this scene. "quite the shift going from wearing people's faces to antique collectors" gets ed to freeze in the middle of bringing his drink up to his lips and just kinda stare off into the distance.

"how did you meet" has ed kind of frowning for a split second before stede starts answering and then he rolls his eyes very dramatically and sighs deeply

ed immediately being like "actually i was gonna kill him myself!" trying to undermine stede's meet-cute story. also anne and mary nodding along in complete unison bc this is just normal pirate conversation to them.

~~~

also as someone who has been team "no ed was dead serious abt the plan to steal stede's identity" this was very vindicating for me. it's a bad plan and it doesn't make any sense but logistics literally dont matter in this show. what matters is giving this story the "falling for the mark" trope makes ed's character arc in season 1 that much tastier!!!!

ed and stede going back and forth telling their story i cant fucking wait until theyre happily together telling this story and instead of ed trying to downplay it and ruin the meet-cute-iness of it they're just building on each other and being sappy and adorable

"more like i relented" one of the biggest lies i've ever heard this man say fjhkgjkfdhk

"until he completely boned it" SAY IT. FUCKING SAY IT. SOOOOO TRUE ED.

auauhghgh the beard bit......... crying

THE!!!!! QUIETEST LITTLE "thank you" OF ALL TIME. TIED MAYBE WITH ED SAYING "thank you" AFTER "i think you're very sophisticated" IN 1.05

i dont blame stede for trying to get ed to open up right after that bc that was the first bone ed's thrown stede's way since he woke up. unfortunately ed is not in the mood to talk abt his near-death experience and mermaid hallucination sequence.

LOVE anne's little gesture when she says "rabbit" and the little hip cocking

stede being like "uhhhh we could leave" during the knifeplay exhibitionism moment

i giggle every time at the way the crew is instantly like "fuck closing our eyes we're doing any fucking surprises"

ngl idgw the crew yelled abt the piñata reveal. but ok

loooove stede's half of the crew just blowing past all the screaming and tension from ed's half. jim screams "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!!" abt the blindfold and roach is like "you won't want to stay the fuck away from this caaaake!" like roach fdhsjfgdhfjkghkj read the room?????

i love how much stede just. completely misses all of annie's flirting

ed coughing during the blunt session i love himmmmm

ok but ed's trying to be like "im totally over stede i dont even like him" and then ed reminiscing fondly with a distant smile abt the 1.06 stabbing scene

"and that was the... second time you left your wife?" underrated line

love how annie's been all quiet and seductive and then when she goes to make her move she's just like "WOUND THIS" and aggressively sits in stede's lap

also ok. "they're gonna be so jealous" is that annie talking abt ed and mary or is that annie using they/them pronouns for mary.

BUTTONS JUMPSCARE

also i love how they have that one medusa painting just. in their kitchen. im obsessed with the interior decor of this lesbian antique store that annie and mary live in

the way she's so touched by the poisoning attempt hjfgfjksghskjhgjkh

buttons being like "aahhhhhh do i give her... this bowl......????" fhjkghkfsjhk

"yeah, babe" TEALORANGES WIN

im honestly sad izzy's pathetic wet beast moment only really went for like three tiny scenes in one episode bc this shit was so funny to me. crawling away saying "you're born alone you die alone" over and over again. sir what are you even doing.

god buttons in this episode is so fucking funny bc i keep forgetting he's there. also why is he even there. like was he even invited to dinner or did he just sit down and annie and mary were like "oh ok i uh. guess we'll go make another plate??"

ed's face after buttons says the bit abt "i can tell this rabbit was intelligent" is soooo funny why is he so fucking pissed fdhsjkgyjdfkghjk

NO WAIT HE'S PISSED BC THAT WAS HIS FRIEND. THAT WAS HIS FRIEND THE WOLF HE WAS TELLING HIS SECRETS. NOW IM KINDA SAD :(:(:(

stede talking abt the sea when what he's actually talking abt is ed part 2 electric boogaloo

ed very calmly. standing up. and smashing the chair. im obsessed with him.

stede bonnet stupid dumbass moments

IMPROMPTU BLANKET FORT TIME

ed's voice is so quiet at the start of this scene he's not even yelling at stede until stede says "it's not fair" ohhhhhh my babygirl is so fucking sad........

"you ditching me without a note or anything" ed's literacy confirmed

"expecting me to just melt back into your arms" eddie my man. stede has not given literally any indication that he expected this at all. you are telling on yourself fhdjskghfkjshd

this scene is so fucking good i barely have anything to say abt it. just. u can rlly tell david jenkins wrote this ep himself lolll

"i was all in, mate. i was all in." IM SOBBING

oh nooooo i forgot that ed's line delivery of "im sorry my horrible naked chin disgusts you so much" isnt actually as sarcastic as the words itself make it seem. like it feels like ed wanted to say that all angrily and bitter but instead he just sounds sadddddd

ok ok but the way stede says "i love your chin naked or otherwise" and then after a pause (during which ed is keeping INCREDIBLY still bc u know otherwise he's just gonna burst into tearssss) stede whispers "ed" and ed is immediately like "don't" and then. stede going in for the "i love you" but like the way he's so slow with it?? he's literally like "i. love." and idk if it's bc he's trying to make this as clear as possible or if he's giving ed enough time to cut him off if he doesn't want to hear it

and ed DOES he DOES cut him off with "you don't get to say that to me" and he like. keeps glancing at stede out of the corner of his eye but not quite looking at him directly bc he knowwwwws it's like staring into the sun baby and ed knows if he looks at stede's face it's literally all over.

but also ed's face after stede pivots to "i love everything about you" he's SO pissed. he quietly groans and rolls his eyes bc this bitch. finding stupid loopholes to not being allowed to say "i love you." fuck this guy ed hates him so fucking much (lying)

oooooh when stede says "you don't have to say it back to me" ed's mouth opens and closes a bit before "not about to" bc this man is trying. SO hard not to cry (so am i but it's not working sorry there are tears on my face right now)

idk idk idk smthng abt "it's nice. feels good." makes me hurt so fucking bad bc the entire time since ed's woken up stede's been getting headbutted and snarked at passive-aggressively but stede's still like "i love being near you it makes me happy :)" brb i need. a fucking moment.

honestly tho how did annie and mary even overhear that bit bc they were on the other side of the room and stede was whispering SO quietly. opposite of when ppl in this show dont hear things despite the things being said like two feet away from them (1.03 geraldo and jackie talking abt how blackbeard was looking for stede, 2.01 zheng saying the indigo was worth way more than she spent on it)

LOVE how anne being like "stede likes the ladies" is how ed figures out "ohhhh wait ok theyre just fucking with us, got it" bc this guy??? liking women????? lmao

this also HAS to be why he gets over mary like his brain mustve gone "wait hang on why the fuck would he go back to her he doesn't even like women. guess maybe he really did panic huh" hdjksghfckghkjsh

obsessed with these TINY tiny details abt the ed/jack/annie/mary polycule dynamics we're given. ed would've expected as much from annie bc she's a fucking psycho. mary apparently used to not be like this. im putting the pieces together im connecting the dots.

ed and stede's knowing smug looks at each other. im obsessed.

annie being rlly sensitive to the word "bitch" im considering that more hints abt the polycule backstory

yayy fanny newspaper

"really? i mean she stabbed you, you poisoned her, and then she jumped on my face" stede this is all part of their very elaborate and deeply toxic sex life ok stop kinkshaming them

~~~

curious if ed and stede are too distracted by mary spelling out their worst fears to comment on all the smoke coming into the room

"everything must go" like a fucking clearance sale. this is such a silly line. this is a silly show. i love it here.

WHY DONT THEY MAKE OUT SLOPPY STYLE HERE THO

wait are they crying while they hug??? bro these girls are so fucking messy i love them

ed saying "see you guys" before he leaves them in their burning house. i would die for him

ok team arts and craft time while making a prosthetic for izzy. obsessed with how the b plot of this episode is literally "the crew struggles to get along but they eventually set aside their differences and work together when they realize there's someone even more cringe and pathetic than any of them"

"YOU ARE!!! HARASSING A CRIPPLE!!!!!!" is suchhhh a funny line im sorry im gonna miss izzy at his lowest fhsjkhjksf. literally they just knocked on the door my dude calm downnnn

obsessed with izzy being genuinelly touched and expressing it by saying "fucking cocksuckers." this man is allergic to having feelings.

stede and ed painfully talking over each other bc everything is awkward and difficult. i love them.

ed's face when stede offers to let ed stay. his very quiet "yis." the way he says "might be nice" and then VERY QUICKLY looks away

stede yelling GREAT at the top of his lungs fhdsjkguydfgfjkhl

i love when these guys try to play it cool bc theyre so fucking bad at it hgdfgvjfxdkgjjdkkgjhfdkh

stede bonnet dumb idiot moron moments

ed staring off lovinglyyyyyy

buttons jumpscare

also is that fucking sage. are we doing cultural appropriation here

buttons saying "Earth Wind and Fire i wanna go higher" hfjkhgfdjkhgjkh

i love how ed. does not question this "fuck yeah, brother. fly."

ed teach lovesick fool moments

i love how happy ed sounds telling stede abt buttons he sounds like his old goofy self for the first time all season.... im gonna cry

also i like how the crew adopts izzy as their new creature. 10/10

post credits scene is annie and mary at dinner with buttons. i guess it's after stede goes to comfort ed but before they go eavesdrop on that convo.

buttons enjoying his last meal as a human. and also he's like "there's too much fucking on that ship i need to get away from it all." and his way of doing this is becoming a bird. love that.

[angel-eyes05]

i remember his hands - chapter 2

PAIRING: kang the conqueror x fem!reader

SUMMARY: after a scientific experiment goes horribly wrong, you've been transported to the quantum realm and have been stuck there for the past decade. with no company, aside from janet van dyne, your life changes forever when a mysterious man in a golden ship crash lands next to your settlement. startled with his initial presence, you two have a rocky start. but as time goes on, you two find each other slowly drawn to one another. you have secrets though, and he has a past he refuses to bring up. can you two make it through navigating an unknown world together, discovering any ulterior motives, and stand the test of time in a place where time has no meaning at all?

INFO: slow romantic burn, pretty fast sexual burn, kinda enemies to lovers????, takes place during that little flashback janet has during quantumania, idk how accurate this is gonna be to canon stuff cause i get very confused about the quantum realm lol, reader is in mid to late 20s while kang is in his “early 30s” (ik he like technically doesn't age or whatever idk the lore but i just made it accurate to jonathan majors age and wanted to give an accurate age range/gap/count), y/n will be very fleshed out like i'm gonna give her everything lol

WARNING: bl00d mention, explicit language (both swearing and ig sexually)

CHAPTER WORD COUNT: 2.9k

NOTES: i just now realized the summary said y/k this whole time instead of y/n, i knew something looked off lmao 😭 just ignore that lol. also if you guys want me to make a taglist, just lmk in the comments and if you want me to tag you or not

PREVIOUS PART

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To your surprise, you opened your eyes to find yourself alive in your bed. Your head throbbed in a sharp, piercing pain. You looked into the mirror that sat in front of your bed to examine your facial injuries. You had a bandage wrapped around the right side of your head. As you went to touch the place where the rock was smashed into, you winced from the pain as it shot into your head. It wasn’t as deep of an injury as you thought it would be, but it wasn’t doing you much good either. You also noticed a bruise on your left upper cheekbone, very quickly growing into a black eye. You assumed it was from when the man tackled you into the creek. You moved down to your throat area to find two dark purple bruises on the front side of your neck. Other than those injuries and a couple of scratches on your arms and knees, you figured you were in better shape than your attacker. You wondered what ended up happening to him. If you were here alive, it meant he probably survived too. Left out there, he was probably finished off by roaming mites. Either way, it wasn’t your problem anymore.

You hear a knock at the door. “Come in”, you struggle to get out, a spiky pain going down your throat after you the words escape your mouth. Janet opens the door and walks over to your bed with a glass of water and some more bandages. “Yeah that sounds as bad as I thought it would be. Whoever caused those neck bruises was really trying to kill you”, she replied, sitting down next to you on the edge of the bed. “Really? I thought the bloody dent in my head would be more of a giveaway”, you sarcastically reply in pain. You got a small chuckle out of her. “Even a near death experience couldn’t take away your wonderful sense of humor”, she jokingly replied. You smiled at her remark. Janet went to unravel the bandage on your head. You grimaced as she tried to rip off the parts that were dried on by the blood. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine”, she said after noticing the expression on your face. “You’re a tough girl. One of the strongest people I’ve met.” A slight smile crept onto your face. She dipped a cloth into the bowl of water, then started to dab it onto the wound. As much as the process of getting to it sucked, you enjoyed moments like these with Janet. You know, even though finding you out there bleeding out from your head probably almost scared her to death, that she enjoyed them too. You took a sip of water from the glass she gave you, which improved your throat pain significantly. Once she finished cleaning your head, she wrapped another bandage around the wound. “Alright, I’m fixing up some breakfast for you in the kitchen. If you need anything, just ring this.” She placed a little bell on your nightstand as she gathered her stuff to leave.

After failed attempts to fall back asleep, you decided to head out to the kitchen to help Janet. You gently placed your legs over the edge of the bed and slowly stood up. You slightly limped over to the mirror to assess yourself again. Your head looked slightly better with the change in bandages, but the bruise on your cheekbone had now fully turned into a black eye. You winced as you placed your fingers on the swollen area around the bone. The bruises on your neck had stayed about the same size as the last time you saw them. You rolled up your pant legs to find two bandaged gashes on your right knee, most likely from the tackle as well. You slowly turned and hobbled towards the door to walk into the kitchen. You made your way across the hallway of the cabin into the kitchen and living room (it was more of just a little kitchenette with a couch in it). You rubbed your eyes to adjust to the fluorescent lighting of the room. As you opened your eyes again, you could hardly believe what you saw going on by the couch.

Janet was kneeling on the floor next to couch, tending to the same man who tried to kill you. She was cleaning up a cut he had on his left tricep, as he laid there shirtless on the couch. Your heart sunk as your eyes laid on him. He was still unconscious, but the thought of your attempted killer being in the the same house as you made you nauseous with fear. “Janet!” you whisper yelled at her, half from the fear of waking him up and half from the pain still in your throat. She didn’t turn around. You yelled again. She rolled her eyes as she finished changing the bandage and walked over to you. “What is he doing here?” you asked like she was insane. “I couldn’t just leave him there to become mite food y/n”, she truthfully replied. “Uh, yes. Yes, you very well could have. You are aware of the fact that he almost killed me, right?” you asked, still concerned the situation wasn’t getting through to her. “Yes I am, and that’s exactly why I brought him here.” All you could do in response to hearing her say that was nervously laugh. “Listen to me y/n, I’ve been here for much longer than you have. So I know for a fact that when people arrive here, it’s either from some extremely fucked up accident, or for a very important purpose. I believe he’s here due to the latter. We need to keep him alive to find out that purpose, alright?” she snapped at you. You hadn’t seen this side of her much, so whenever you did, you knew she meant it. You nodded in response. “Alright” she said as she took a deep breath “Now help me with breakfast.”

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He could see the bright white lights seeping in from his eyelids as he slowly opened his eyes. As he regained consciousness, he immediately felt shooting pains in his shoulder, abdomen, and foot. His groaning caught Janet’s attention as she walked over to where he was with damp cloth. He tried to move back slightly, but if he moved any more, the pain would get worse or he would probably fall off the couch, which was definitely too small for him to lay horizontally on it. Janet looked at him for a consenting look before taking the cloth to the right of his abdomen. He hesitantly nodded. He groaned through the stinging pain of the water mixing with the bloody wound. “I’m surprised you were still alive by the time I got you inside. This one right here should’ve had you dead within the first three minutes of getting bit” Janet said to break the silence. “W…Where am I?” he asked tiredly. “My cabin. I’ll tell you the rest of it when you’re awake enough to pay attention to what I’m telling you.” Janet placed her hands on his back once she noticed he was trying to sit up. He cried out in pain through his teeth as he tried to sit normally. “Woah, woah, woah, I don’t think you’re ready for that yet”, Janet said concerned. “No time”, he said between short breaths. “Need to get back to the sh-.”

He cut himself off when he saw you standing by the kitchen counter, your back to him and you head lowered. He kept his eyes on you for a bit and examined your frame, trying to understand how someone as small as you could reduce him to this. You could feel his eyes on you, like a laser burning into your back. The longer the moment went on, the more you wanted to take the knife nearest to you and finish the job you started. After what felt like hours, he finally turned his face back to Janet. Being able to tell what he was going to say next, she said “She lives here with me. And before you ask, no she isn’t going anywhere. And until you fully heal, you aren’t leaving either.” Janet turned to face both of you. “And until that time happens, I need you two to try to not kill each other. Alright?” You reluctantly nodded your head. He did the same. “Ok good.” Janet finished with his abdomen wound and walked over to you in the kitchen. “I’m going into town for a bit to get some more medical supplies, so I’m going to need you to finish with his shoulder and foot” she told you, already noticing the horrified look creeping onto your face. Your heart sunk and your eyes widened hearing her say that. “Janet, no, there’s no way. You leave me here alone and there is no doubt he’ll kill me” you whispered quite enough so he wouldn’t hear. Janet pulled you outside with her to talk. “Listen, I know you don’t trust him and I don’t entirely either, but have you seen him? It would take a miracle for him to get up right now and charge at you again. Plus, I need you to try to get information on him while I’m gone, ok?” You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. “Ok.” “Thank you.” Janet gave you a little peck on your forehead. “I’ll be back soon.” She started walking off into the distance. With Janet’s good luck kiss, you turned to the door to walk inside. As you went to turn the doorknob, you noticed your hand slightly shaking. You took one last deep breath to calm yourself before walking inside.

You walked inside, determined not to make eye contact with him the entire time. Once you got to the kitchen counter, you could already feel his eyes on you again. You could’ve sworn he had some kind of laser eye power, because you could feel yourself getting hotter with each passing second. It was almost paralyzing how it made you feel. “Could you stop that please?” you finally said, hoarsely. You heard a slight chuckle from him. “Sounds like I did a number on you after all. Not good enough though, since you’re still walking” he replied in a rich, slightly menacing tone. It was enough to send a slight shiver down your spine. You could hardly believe Janet trusted him enough to not kill you. You took yet another deep breath, and grabbed the bowl of water, a sewing needle and thread, a roll of bandages, and a damp cloth. You still avoided eye contact, but out of your peripherals, you could see he was still staring at you. What you couldn’t tell though, was if he was slightly smirking or not. 

You placed the bowl down on the ground and you sat right in front of his foot. You reached to unravel the bandage wrapping his left foot, but he moved it away. You sighed. You knew exactly what he was doing. Giving in to what he wanted, you finally make eye contact with him. His eyes were just as sharp and full of anger as they were when he first punched you in the chest. “Please don’t move. This will be easier for both of us if you stay still”, you say to break the tension. You go back to his foot to unwrap it, but he moves it yet again. You huffed to yourself and turned back to him. “Listen, I know you’re upset with me over the arrow, and I’m sorry. My intention wasn’t to hit you. But I have every right to be mad at you as well. Now I know you don’t want me here, but I hate to break it to you, you’re stuck with me until Janet gets back. Now can you please hold your foot in place so I can take off this god damn bandage!” you yelled as loud as your injured throat let you. You must have turned red or something because you noticed a smirk slightly tug on his lips. He moved his foot in front of you. “Thank you”, you remark, turning away from him again. 

You unravel the bandage to find Janet already stitched up the wound on his foot. That made things easier for you at least. You took the damp towel and dabbed it on the wound. You couldn’t believe you were here, cleaning the wounds of the same man who just tried to kill you. Apparently he couldn’t believe it either, since his eyes were still locked onto you. You finished applying the water and wrapped his foot back up. You moved over to his shoulder next. You were much closer to him now, forcing you to have to take looks at him. It was the same expression every time though. Anger, mixed with annoyance, mixed with a hint of fascination. You unraveled this bandage. This was the one Janet hadn’t gotten to yet. You figured this would give you a chance to redeem yourself though, fixing up the wound you gave him. You kneeled in front of his shoulder with the threaded needle and stuck it into the wound. As soon as you put it in, the man clenched his teeth and groaned in pain. He wiped his face with his hands in anguish. 

You pulled the needle through the skin, and at some point you must have hit a specific spot, because his hand shot down and took hold of your thigh to hold as leverage. Butterflies flooded into your stomach as he squeezed your thigh with every pull of the needle and thread. You looked down and took notice of his hand once again. Noticing how big it was, how tense it would get, and whether he did it with intention or not, how he would occasionally trace his thumb across you clothed skin. Once previously around your throat, now seizing your thigh and tightening its grip with every movement of the needle. You felt your cheeks getting brighter with each tighten. Part of you thought he was doing this to fuck with you, but the looks you saw on his face proved you otherwise. 

Being this close allowed you to take notice of all his facial features now. From his plump lips, to the two identical scars running down his face. You knew they had to have some sort of story behind them, but you decided to ask another time. You were unable to reach a certain spot on the inner part of his shoulder, so you sat up slightly to move more into him to reach it. This is when it hit you how close you two were. Feeling his hot breaths on your cheek, hearing his slight moans and groans of pain, and now with the movement of his hand from on top of your thigh to your sensitive inner thigh. You were embarrassed to admit the combination of everything made you slightly wet. You had to use your spare hand to push two pieces of his skin together that were too far apart for the needle to get in naturally. As you pushed, he moved his right hand to grab yours. Now that it was touching your bare skin, you could fully appreciate the feel of his skin on yours. You felt how rough it was as the calluses on his hands slightly scratched against your knuckles. 

You finished up and closed the wound and started dabbing it with the damp towel with the same hand that was holding the needle. He still hadn’t moved either of his hands, his moans and groans now turned into short pants. You sat there for a second, embarrassed with how comfortable you suddenly were with him. Part of that embarrassment also went towards how wet his hand being on your upper inner thigh made you. “Are you ok?” you asked, having to say something in fear of what you would do if you just stayed like this. He nodded slightly. He opened his eyes after having them shut from the pain and looked into yours again. Only this time, they weren’t filled with anger. You couldn’t tell what look this one was. Maybe weakness from his pain. Maybe wonder. Maybe…. After clearing his throat, he finally took his hand off of yours. Then, almost as if he were teasing you at this point, he dragged his hand off your inner thigh agonizingly slow, finger by finger. Cheeks flushed and stifling the noise you felt building up in your throat, you grabbed your materials and moved them over to the kitchen counter and made your way back to your room without saying another word. “Wait”, you heard him call out. You popped your head out from behind the hallway corner and stood there waiting for what he was going to say.

“What’s your name” he asked softly.

“Y/N” you hesitantly answered.

“...I’m sorry for earlier y/n.”

“I’m sorry too…” you signaled to him for his name.

“Kang.”

“I hope you heal well, Kang.”

“You too.”

You walked back over to your room, using whatever self control you had to stifle any feeling that might have been awoken in those moments.

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NEXT PART

A/N: dude i dont think you understand how much i enjoyed writing that HJFHJF. there will be more to come soon dw. but i hope you enjoyed this chapter (this took up 9 google doc pages lmao) since shit actually happened lmao. as regarding whenever chapter 3 comes out, it might take a little while since the ideas for the preview-chapter 2 came to me super quick, im still thinking about what direction chapter 3 will take. It shouldn’t take any longer than a week, but please just be patient. thank you for reading!

[spectral-coyote]

EVERY EDISON MENTION EVER

In RIP (Tesla) entries. any mention of Edison coming directly from Tesla as a ghost is of dubious quality of character.

However there is no reason to assume the flashback scenes are not accurate.

intended as a dialogue / characterization, reference / catalogue

================================================

First mentioned in Entry 2 while Tesla is breaking light bulbs in the mansion

( Page 4 Lower right )

T: "YOU HEAR THAT EDISON?!?! PEOPLE THINK I'M SMART AND COOL AND I DID AMOUNT TO SOMETHING!!!"

================================================

First appears in Entry 4 on a technicality

( Page 17 Lower left ) Appears in thought bubble flashback,

playing keep away with Tesla's Glasses.

================================================

Debuts in Entry 5 in flashbacks.

( Page 1 Top left )

T: "Father, I am still unsure of this place... I don't know if studying here is what's best for my future." F: "Nonsense. You're fortunate to attend such a university. That Edison boy goes here, remember? He's turning out to be a well mannered young man!" T: "Yes, yes... I know you're very proud of him, Father"

( Page 5 All )

E: "Fell asleep in anatomy again, eh old friend? I can't believe you still think you're cut out for the sciences." T: "I'd be able to stay awake if I didn't have to work on all this law stuff too."

E: "Oh yes, the whole "double life" you lead to keep your old man in the dark. What do you even hope to accomplish?" T: "Well... maybe he'll change his mind if he sees what I can do with it." E: "And you'll tell him about all this... when exactly?" T: "I dunno, I'll figure it out"

E: "Well, look at the bright side (hehe), instead of being good at one thing, you can be mediocre at two things"

(bink)

E: "STOP IT!!!" (pff)

( Page 6 All ) no speaking lines, does pay attention to this interaction. ( transcript )

T: "Whats going on over there..."

T: "Is... everything alright, sir?" 1: "OI! Lad! Stay the fuck back, ya hear? Don't need ya bloody students ruinin my investagation!"

T: "Is... is that the groundskeeper?" 1: "Aye. The scoundrel fell from the roof. Drunken, if ya ask me"

T: "Did anyone see what happened? Was he pushed off?" 1: "Nobody fokin saw anything! Now let us professionals handl it, capiche?" 2: "Stay out of trouble, young man Don't want ta join him in the ground, do ya?"

( Page 7 Top left ) E: "Well, What a waste, I suppose." "Cmon Tesla" "Tesla" "Teslaaaaaa"

================================================

Is mentioned negatively by Tesla in Entry 7

( Page 9 Top left and right )

T: "And the next day in zoology, that TERROR Edison dropped a wet rat kidney down the back of my shirt!!!" R: "You don't wear a shirt-" T: "That FIEND had me scrambling around like a maniac! Made a FOOL out of me in front of my whole class!"

T: "AND DID ANYONE BELIEVE ME?! NOOOOOOO" T:"Our beloved little Edison is a SAINT. He's a PRODIGY. He'd never do anything wrong! Edison's set to be the next ARCHIMEDES, YA HEAR ME?! I CAN!!! I CAN DR BELL!!!!"

================================================

Entry 10 Appears in flashbacks and mentions

( Page 1 All )

E: "Coppers still out there?" E: "Can't believe some chump would steal a whole body. What's to gain from that anyway?"

E: "Planck saw them this morning. Says it was ol' Rag." E: "Yknow, the groundskeeper?" E: "I'M thinks it's whoever shoved him" E: "Maybe covering their tracks?" E: "What say you, Tez?"

E: "TESLA." T: "'UWAHGHHG"

( Page 2 All )

E: "Hmm, just looks kinda scuffed." E: "Nothing too serious. You're lucky you didn't crack."

T: "This is stupid, I didn't fall that hard." E: "What can I say? Clumsiness and glass bodies don't mix. Just ask my 1000 older brothers. Don't think a single one of them avoided a flaw." T: "Except you." E: "Except me~"

E: "Some people just have to work harder in life. To take care of themself. To succeed To be recognized." T: "You don't seem to be working hard."

E: "Oh? Have you forgotten the effort I put into putting up with you?" T: "Knock it off"

( Page 3 Top left )

T: "AGGGgfHGGGH-GHHJSGSH" T: "ED-ED-ED-ED-"

( Page 10 All )

( Page 11 All )

( Page 17 Bottom right )

F: "UGH You really are so flippant and undisciplined!" F: "You should be more like that Edison boy!" F: "He's diligent! Working towards a useful career in science like his father! Not just shocking rats for the hell of it." F: "Stick to your proper studies, boy."

( Page 25 All )

E: "Ohhh Tesla~" E: "Guess who was picked up for mentoring my Dr. Bell~" E: "Me." E: "Obviously"

E: "I was expec-"

E: "Things... will get better someday..."

( Page 28 All )

EDISON 1880 - 1962 inventor, innovator, bringer of light in a dark world

T: "Oh..." T: "He's dead now" R: "Who's this pikmin looking fuck?"

R: "Edison. That's the big tech company, isn't it?" T: "I suppose I always assumed would be by now but." T: "Huh."

( Page 29 All )

T: "GWAAAHHAAHAGAHAG" T: "WHO'S SO PERFECT NOW HUH?!?!?!" (CRACK)

T: "ALL THAT TIME BEIN LAZY IN THE GROUND HUH???? SLACKING OFF?!?! WELL I'VE BEEN WORKING!!!! I'VE DONE SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU EVER COULD !!!!"

T: "WHEN I'M BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE, I'M GONNA REVIVE YOU FIRST!!!!!" T: "THAT WAY YOU'LL SEE HOW MUCH IVE SURPASSED YOU!!!!!!"

R: (Hot damn...) T: "Gehhehhh,,, ehhhehhh,,,"

================================================

Entry 11 Google search Edison speech + Offhanded Tesla mention

( Page 1 All )

Conspircy Google: [tesla scientist] [search] [dont search]

INTERVIEW WITH RENOWNED SCIENTIST EDISON ABOUT MISTAKES AND FAILURES WILL INSPIRE YOU "Failure is not an end. It never should be seen as a finality. By failing, you learn what doesn't work. You must keep that mindset, for no inventor succeeds without learning first the wrong way to do so. Without this mindset, you only fail yourself. You'll always do wrong in your eyes. I've personally witnessed how it destroys someone. I've seen good friends become their own worst enemy. A colleague of mine... [LINK]

C: "Goddammit"

C: "Yeah yeah, biased filtered search engine company. your founder really is an amazing fantastic guy." C: "But I need to know about TESLA. Yknow? The mad scientist ghost that's beat the shit out of me twice?"

C: All readings I've gotten indicate they're a proper post mortem manifestation. C: If i can find out who they were when they were alive, I might know how to stop them!"

Conspircy Google: [tesla 1900s -edison] [search] []

C: "That's them! They were a student at the university before the science department shut down!"

C: "They must've been involved with it... This lack of info may be a coverup of some kind!"

( Page 15 Lower left )

T: GodAMMIT That richy pants stuck up snob just has to keep doing things better than me like having money!!!! ( fuck you, Tezzy~ )

================================================

Alluded to in Entry 13

( Page 11 Top left ( Part 1 ) ) RESTRICTED EDISON CORP

================================================

Entry 14 mentioned

( Page 19 Lower right )

PNC: "HEY TESLA, THAT EDISON GUY WAS BETTER THAN YOU"

================================================

Entry 15 Appears in Tesla's memory

( Page 8 All )

T: "See, I really think there's potential here! I don't know why I can't reproduce these results with just any old electricity, but there's been physical responses!"

DDS: "YO TESLA WAKE THE FUCK UP," E: "Oh Tesla, ANYONE can stimulate muscles with electricity" T: It's not like that! I really think it's life! Even for brief moments there seems to be... recollection!"

Rain: "They're stuck in the memory" Parade: "Silly boy"

E: "These are just rats Tesla, It's not like you could bring back the complexity of a PERSON'S brain" T: "AHAH, well we wouldn't know without testing on a person! Which we can't do and hasn't happened at all"

( Page 9 Top ) T: "Maybe Edison is right... after all, there's NO way I could test on people long term! Surely people would notice more bodies disappearing from the morgue But there's no way I could get permission to work with cadavers"

================================================

Entry 16 Mentioned and shown in Tesla story time "flashbacks"

( Page 9 Lower right )

P: "Awww you never celebrated your birthday???? We can celebrate all of them now!! But we would need many candles. Many many many many-" T: "No! It just wasn't something my family did! Except for my older brother's birthday. but I barely knew him. And I think my father sent Edison money for his, but-"

( Page 12 Top left )

E: "Tesla! Your old man is here!"

( Page 14 Lower two )

================================================

Entry 16 (Secret) Flashback. vaguely implied to be a missing memory from Tesla, however this one is reliable.

Panel limit killed me but read this one its the Edison one he is in ALL OF THE PANELS

( Transcribed for fun/ref)

( Page 1 )

(CREAKKK) E: "Tesla?"

E: "Tesla. This lab is off limits" E: "Why are you up here so..." ( Page 2 )

E: "..." E: "What have you done?"

T: "Hey! Hey hey!" T: "It's alright! Really! They- they're going to be okay!"

E: "They're DEAD Tesla... Oh my god, all these people are dead..." T: "JUST FOR NOW!!! Once my research is complete they'll all be brought back!"

E: "Do you think this is a game or something?! You KILLED these people!" T: "Only some of them!" E: "And for what? A wild dream? You can't bring people back from the dead!"

( Page 3 )

T: "But I WILL bring them back!!! Do you HONESTLY think I would do something like this if I wasn't SURE it would work?!?! How irresponsible do you think I am?!"

T: "I admit!!! I was on the wrong track before!" T: "Working with RATS, what a waste of time!" T: "I ALREADY KNEW attempting to revive people got some sort of results!" T: "I just needed more subjects! To rule out time of death as a factor!" T: "I just need to find the PRECISE voltage!"

T: "Here! Here1 I'll prove it to you! Watch this! I can bring them back, even just partially!" E: "TESLA!"

E: "You're not WELL, Tesla" E: "We need to get you help"

( Page 4 )

T: "You think I'm crazy?!" E: "No! I think you're under a lot of pressure!" E: "Whatever you're feeling, it doesn't make THIS worth it" E: "Just calm down and come with me"

T: "Y... you just have to be BETTER than me, huh?!?!" T: "You can't STAND the idea that I might be on the verge of something GREAT!" T: "Suddenly our little prodigy the light of our future..." T: "Suddenly HE'S playing second fiddle to someone who can REVERSE DEATH ITSELF!!!"

E: "THIS ISN'T ABOUT PRIDE, TESLA!!!" T: "IT ALWAYS HAS BEEN WITH YOU!!!" T: "SOME LIGHT YOU ARE!!! YOU'VE DONE NOTHING BUT CAST A CONSTANT SHADOW OVER MY ACCOMPLISHMENTS"

T: "And the worst part of it all!!!! You ALWAYS pretended to be my friend!!!!! It feels great, doesn't it?!?! Showing the failure you grind under your own heel PITY!!!"

( Page 5 )

E: "TESLA! GET OFF OF ME" T: "YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE OF THIS!!!! YOU CAN'T RUIN MY RESEARCH!!!!!"

E: "YOU NEED HELP, TESLA!!!" E: "I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU KEEP DOING THIS!!!"

E: "YOURE GOING TO RUIN YOUR LIFE!!!"

( Page 6)

T: "IT'S MY LIFE TO RUIN!!!!!!!!"

(CRACK)

(other panels wordless)

================================================

Entry 17

( Page 1 Top left ) ( & Laptop logo )

( Page 2 Top left )

================================================

Entry 18

( Panel 6 Part 1 All ) ( Classified dialogue omitted for clarity, not important to Edison)

T: "Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce the legal work regarding our renovations is dealt with, and we'll be beginning construction here rather soon!"

T: "Our majority shareholder for the last century, Edison Corp, has staunchly refused the reopening of these facilities on account of their late founder discovering these labs were being used for ""an absolutely frightful purpose.""

T: "Said purpose he claimed was making a makeshift tango dance studio. Supposedly he was really against it for some reason I guess."

T: "But this year the company has finally sold their shares, giving us complete agency over the use of the building"

================================================

[memberment]

Genesis

12:06 oh my god I have once again woken up too early and this time it was not on purpose.

TRYING to speed run some of this pre-work. Updates later but GOOD MORNING

9:12 I am back and working on two chapters at the same time. BECAUSE I NEED TO CONCEPT A DAMN ANGEL FOR HEIDI AND KENNY TO FIGHT. I CONCEPTED ONE AT WORK BUT THEY CAN'T FIGHT THIS ONE LMFAO

Also I need a flashback for Kyle so I'm literally just playing procrastinator olympics as I pingpong between two chapters. I might work on Bound for a bit tonight though, ngl. Because I am 21 chapters completed deep and 71.9k words in on this and Bound has THREE CHAPTERS READY AND BOUND HAS INTERMISSION CHAPTERS SO TECHNICALLY TWO LIKE. I WANT THE OPTION TO NOT WRITE WHEN MY SEMESTER STARTS!!!! (It's not like I'd even follow that but STILL.)

Also next line up is prob not gonna have a fic for every day, much to my own disappointment. Because school literally starts in FOURTEEN DAYS. and I only have four things ready to go. And I am determined to finish Genesis before my semester starts. Like I'm definitely gonna take a solid break from this series before I start Revelation, because that is going to be A LOT. (I do not think I will be taking much of a break between Revelation and Karma though, ngl. Bc each part starts, like, immediately after the previous one, but I KNOW how Revelation ends and Karma starts already and it has me LOSING MY SHIT. LIKE THE ENDING OF FUCKING REVELATION IS INSANEEEEEEE. And I hope not a soul sees it coming despite it being RIGHT THERE.)

I am sad though because I did want to start on Princess of Fire and get to a point where regular posts can pull up on that because I genuinely really like the concept and like, fine, I'm getting better at writing (and it is SOT and I do not wanna post a shit SOT fic on Wintergrew's internet) as I go so maybe holding off isn't a huge deal BUT I WANT Y'ALL TO FUCKING SEE THE VISION‼️‼️‼️

I honestly wish I could livestream my brain does that make sense LMFAO

2:24: Tears just rolled down my cheeks at the realization that we have not had one goddamn (exclusively) Bebe centric chapter and I am trying to write chapter 24. OH MY GOD. I can't even give her a full filler chapter because I wan't my filler to be like LIGHT HEARTED AND FUN. I CAN'T JUST STRETCH OUT LIKE 3K WORDS OF HER JUST EXISTING IN THE MIDDLE OF ANY OF THIS. LIKE WE ARE TEN CHAPTERS DEEP INTO THE WORSE SHIT. OH MY GOD I HATE IT HERE. Like I actually was just scrolling through the chapter titles and was like 'oh we have Stan! We have Craig! We have duhduhduhduhduh.' AND I GOT TO THE BEGINNING AND THERE IS NO FUCKING BEBE CHAPTER?????? WHAT THE FUCK! (I literally did this with Butters in Dandelion and had the same reaction why is it that all of my favorite fucking characters I do this to???? HOW. Like, we get more of her in Revelations but WHAT! THE! FUCK!)

So yeah, 24 is gonna be Bebe, despite me kinda wanting it to be Tam or Wendy.

Also I'm reading 'You're Not Mine Anymore' AGAIN (because even though I said I hated it, that chapter has literally embedded itself in my brain. Like, it's so fucking disturbing and so sad and I actually wanna throw myself out my window every time I think about it LMFAO)

2:55 I changed one sentence in this chapter and now I'm actually gonna sob. I hate it here.

4:30 I got distracted and watched tik toks since my last update, specifically spending like an entire ten minutes absolutely geeking over the 1970's gymnastics olympics and I am now back at my keyboard. I got a very specific bit of inspiration and it is fucking TERRIFYING.

Anyways. RIP Craig. Like seriously, dude is going THROUGH IT. This is what I get for ignoring him for like a week and a half (two weeks? ish. I'm settling on ish, here. A VAGUE, BUT NOT VERY LONG AMOUNT OF TIME) of their time when he is actively losing his shit.

I think killing him and Tweek off at this point is more of a mercy killing than anything on my part why did I do this to them I am so sad. AND THE FACT THAT THEIR DEATHS IS WHAT THIS WHOLE FIC GOT CONCEPTED AROUND IS FUCKING INSANE. LIKE I WROTE THEIR DEATH SCENE AND WAS LIKE WELP GOTTA WRITE A MAGICAL GIRL FIC.

And now I'm slowly but surely on my way to that chapter and annotating and writing in bits and pieces of THAT chapter and I'm like wow. Wow oh wow. Might need a hallucinations tag. Hypothetically, of course. But also hypothetically, would the hallucinations tag apply to this if said hallucinations are questionably real? Hypothetically. Anyways, when Fall From Grace gets posted, y'all are gonna need like sixteen and a half TWs.

And now I'm off to go write this fucking MESS of a chapter that is the Bebe chapter because I STILL DIDN'T WRITE IT. AND I AM OFFICIALLY DOWN TO THIRTEEN DAYS.

Another hypothetical, while I'm still here before I leave again and don't update until god knows when. Do you guys think I can finish 20 chapters in 13 days? Like, that would be approximately 60-80k words. Do y'all think I got this? And I'm typing that and realizing I thought the wc for this was gonna be like 100k and am now realizing I'm at 74k and just wow. ANYWAYS. LATER. Hope y'all are enjoying my extra long screams into the void tonight.

4:55 Black Swan cries out violently in the background as I realize I have just made five out of six, the quintet is now a trio, and Red is just there not giving a fuck. My head is in my hands. My jaw is dropped. I fear I may be evil for writing this.

May the gods I don't believe in help us all.

(I HAVE NEVER WRITTEN THIS MANY MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS. MY MAX HAS BEEN TWO SO FAR. THIS IS WHY DESOLATION ENDED THE WAY IT DID BECAUSE I FEARED THIS.)

Eh, fun fact while I'm here again. The original ending of Desolation, everyone was gonna die except for Kyle.

But wow OH WOW. Yeah, this is why I don't write major character death.

It is 6:26 am and I just posted An Answer chapter in attempts to procrastinate this horrible ending further and the realization has dawned on me that I am now involved in the mystery because I'm rereading and I have no idea WHAT THE FUCK is going on. I'm laughing so hard over this. God, how two months can really slip away is insane.

6:49: guys I'm rereading this and I am actually thrown off by my own writing like I fully forgot how off-putting this fic is supposed to be BECAUSE of what happened and why things are like this and I actually fell into my own fucking trap. I'm crying this is so funny HELP

7:02: not me happily reading and giggling over platonic twendy fluff and just getting smacked in the face by shit getting very real very fast. this is wild.

[plasticine]

tagged by @machinegirlboy ‼️‼️

last song I listened to: I'm back in my CD ripping era so I checked out a bunch of Putumayo CDs from the library heres one of the ones i got :)

Also lots of Dengue Fever since i got Escape from Dragon House on vinyl for my bday ❤️

currently watching: I just finished Better Call Saul so now I'm re-watching Breaking Bad. I used to disagree with the idea that Better Call Saul was better because when I watched the first 3 seasons back in 2019 I didn't really love it but it definitely grew on me. Now that I watched it all and I'm watching early BRBA again I see it. So much of BCS improves on some of the failures of BRBA, Kim and Nacho are the most obvious examples and character development on the BRBA charcters but a lot of technical stuff and framing devices. The flashbacks still annoy me though LOL there is literally a point where they have 70 year old Michael McKean's eyebrows pencilled in so he can look in his 40s.

currently reading: i finished these a little while ago but i looooved Chinatown by Thuận and Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain .... very different ends of a spectrum in books. Just finished the Hellbound Heart, I'm not a big Hellraiser fan ☹ but I do think the movie did fix a lot that didnt make sense. I did like the book a lot though, very nasty 👍 I started Ringu too! I like it so far and interesting to see what the movie changed.

current obsession: I started taking a creative writing class for children’s literature (pre-young adult; 12 and under)and it has been really nice to reread and watch stuff I liked when I was a kid & seeing what makes it work. Young children's media is very overlooked even though it can really shape you the most, in my humblest opinion.

Tagging @citybops @dughole @effemimaniac @ambienkitchen @loveshack @overgrownroot grins widely

[guiltycorp]

jjk 236 manga spoilers !!! -

Extremely funny how the high school reunion party followed by Gojo's body reveal was framed in that way for the sole reason that this shocking resolution would have been boring as fuck if done straightforwardly hahaha... Honestly i still believe in the potential of Gojo turning into a cursed spirit (because that obvious aspect of the world-building hasn't been delivered on WHATSOEVER yet) or the next 6 eyes somehow being immediately ready to throw down, but i no longer believe that any of it will be written well.

A thing that has been bothering me for a while due to spending too much time on twitter is how shonen bros are very keen on praising the technical aspect of the magic system in jjk, how the fights are so good they balance out the lack of emotional weight. ...but was any of the fighting actually good on that technical shonen level? There are a lot of implications about how various Heian era sorcerers came up with techniques and items that are used today but none of it has any real elegance since every new technique and artifact just conveniently came up whenever characters needed to use them. Did Toji's possession of Inverted Spear make sense? Suuure, and maybe it has some ties to Angel whose technique maybe helped to make it. Doesn't change the fact that it was introduced purely to have a way to deal with Gojo's infinity and Geto's curses. And even the attempt to bring back Yuta-Rika bond in terms of Toji-Worm made no real sense since Rika was created by and bound to Yuta intrinsically while Toji just... tamed and trained the Worm off-screen somehow? Why would Geto's technique not work on it then, how is it different from some cursed spirits being loyal to themselves or the places they are guarding. His use of cursed spirits is clearly different from a regular 'taming' situation. And similar problems happen with techniques like Simple Domain or Falling Blossom, they were just ~invented~ in the past somehow so now people can use that. How do they actually work and why can't people come up with their own bullshit techniques then? Well don't worry about it, it might come up again or probably won't because there is no need for that pesky logic in our magic worldbuilding systems. You could even say that the absence of sense and balance is on purpose since the story on the whole is about how everything is Unfair, but it's not like that's communicated well either so? At this point it feels like anything can happen and not in a good way. Gojo got sealed in a poignant emotional way that im looking forward to in the anime but then... he got released by some convenient technique from a new character? Then didn't give much of a reaction to his plans falling apart in front of him, didn't acknowledge Megumi's situation beyond what it meant for the fight (nothing acknowledging how he both lost one of his strongest potential assets and how he participated in robbing both Megumi and Tsumiki of their youth - this at least might come up in a flashback alongside Nobara's situation, if Nobara is 100% dead then the writing is even shittier for not bringing her up properly), went to have a fun fight, had fun and died rip. Even his dying hallucinations were a generic pat-on-the-back 'u did well haha it's great that u had fun' rather than anything meaningful. You could say Gege is salty towards Gojo specifically but it's not like other main characters are faring any better so far... Yuji vs Sukuna is set up in a way where it's just too simple of a straightforward revenge battle with the side of getting Megumi back or killing him, the only thing we can look forward to really. And i can't be excited about Kenjaku vs anyone bc it's not like Yuji ever showed any interest in his parentage (and no mommy issues agh) or got to know Gojo's backstory or anything that would have given him a personal interest in going against Kenjaku at all and none of the other characters have personal beef with Kenjaku either... Like, Yuta a little, but much less so now that Kenjaku is just another big villain for everyone to defeat rather than 'need to kill him myself so that gojo doesn't have to'. Sukuna vs Kenjaku could also be fun if we learned about their past but a Heian flashback would probably just make the story even less engaging at this point. Plus any fight will still do a bunch of that 'actually i had THIS technique/item/skill all this time or i just came up with it even!!' Probably that's what's going to happen with unrevealed Sukuna techniques and Yuki's research. Yeahhh anyway...

[bismuthburnsblue]

OK SO

technically this is currently two vaguely different ideas, and ill probably only make one in the foreseeable future bUT

waistcoat !!! or pinafore !!!!! (technically three options because im unsure if id go tailored waistcoat or an almost corset style one)

my goal in this project would be to fill in some gaps in my wardrobe, so im thinking black (obviously honestly, i only wear black) and quite plain, but maybe with some embroidery or cording or something, something subtle to add some texture and detail, but still fit in with any outfit i might make.

im split which way yet!

ive wanted to make a waistcoat for a while, but i guess im a little worried that i wouldnt wear it so much? i tend to dress very femme and very. like fluffy? flouncy? lace and flare and delicate fabrics and im not sure a waistcoat would fit into that? but i do really want to make one, i think itd be so fun! i think i would learn a lot of techniques even from a simple waistcoat, pockets & tailoring and buttons (for real this time) (OH i could use some of the buttons i rejected for the black coat) i plan to add boning to it either way, but i also this a corset style waistcoat could be real cool! not like the kind of things that come up when you look up corset waistcoat, but like, a lacing back and more structured pattern cutting? this one would require some development to see through but.... fun!!! i also have some scrap fabric (brown) from a skirt ive been wanting to turn into a waistcoat- it wouldnt work for this specific project but depending on which way you spin it, it could be a practice run at this project (already having coat 'wearable mockup' flashbacks) or it could be a downside, having two similar garments in my wardrobe

part of me feels like making a pinafore is kind of a cop out- its a far simpler project, and i have a preeetty similar project in the pipelines (though in a completely different aesthetic- heres the inspo for that one), and a lot of my other ideas are similar to a lolita jsk. but also i want jsk. i want to make some for myself some day sooo... i think id would probably get more wear out of a pinafore- but thats just in my head (i wouldnt have to match blacks). i probably wouldnt be learning much new with this one, but it would be a much quicker project! less likely to get stuck in the middle of it because i run out of motivation. i feel like i havent said much pro pinafore but wearability is Super important to me! i have a terrible habit of picking projects that are fun and interesting and then are not actually something i really wear. sometimes an easy project is really good- i like to try and learn things with every project but sometimes i back myself into a corner with things i dont know.

decisions!!!!! i cant make them :(

as i mentioned earlier, this isnt in the immediate pipeline- i still want to finish all my current projects first, i dont think i have any fabrics that'd work for these and im trying to not buying anything right now, and really i shouuuuld make things ive already planned + bought things for. but i think itd fill in some areas of my wardrobe so i might more it before some other things....

below the cut is some very initial inspo, i ripped it all from pinterest (thats basically how i start any sewing project plan fhdbdn)

if youre interested on the brain tangent it was: (start a little unclear but i was thinking about izzy) > izzys sleeves. me too i love a shirt with puffy sleeves > i could make IZZYS shirt (this one is still on the cards btw) > thinking about my wardrobe in general i guess > i own a lot of white puffy shirts but i dont wear them, i tend to wear black things > what might make me wear them short of dyeing them? i love these shirts but theyre too. white for me. maybe something i can wear over them > waistcoat.... i want a waistcoat.... ( i think its hilarious this tangent that started with izzy + ended with waistcoat never went near izzy's waistcoat )

[pi3ce0fme4t]

t///w : s3xual abvse, substance abvse, severe trauma, csa? maybe technically i was a minor for all of it.

i just want him to d!3 quite frankly. how the fuck do you get away with r*ping so many people multiple times? why are we all so terrified to go to the police and maybe just maybe get justice.

it took me A YEAR to finally tell someone what you actually did to me, what actually happened during sex and they said dude that is r*pe. it was some of the most excruciatingly painful information i had to finally process and accept. looking back , obviously it’s r*pe when someone says ‘ please stop doing that it hurts me i don’t like it’ and they say ‘ i don’t care i like it’ and then continue to do it. something along those lines happened more than once with my ex. after awhile you just fucking give up. during that relationship i was abvsing my adhd meds and i did like tiny amounts of c0ke along with drinking occasionally and taking sm rips everyday and vaping and whatever else i could get my hands on really. i was high on two or three diff things everyday , and switching it up everyday some weeks. i was doing all of that to cope with so much trauma already + bpd n cptsd n a bunch of other shit while actively being abvsed. i’d like to say that after we broke that was the end of it but nah. it just got worse and worse. d34th thre4ts, thr34ts of harm, transphobia. he harassed me for months after i broke up with him and posted ab me. even when i wasn’t also harassing him a little bit telling him he was horrible bc he also emotionally abvsed me and i recognized that and i just couldn’t let it go. he’s also a l0ser and it made me feel better to make fun of him. almost a year after we broke up i made the mistake of trying to f him again idk why. he ended up SAing me for revenge for cheating on him n another ex apparently even tho that ex hated him and b34t him up for doing that to me. i’d also like to state that he literally cheated on me way more than the one time i kind of did ??? i also had constant utis and i pissed blood clots twice ! it took 3 rounds of antibiotics to find a good one , a strong enough one to fix it. everyone else that’s been with him has also gotten a uti or something or other or suspect it. he cheats on everyone, he gives people stis bc he refuses to wear a condom and will just r*pe you if you refuse to do it without one or he will coerce you. he violently assaulted me and i was too ashamed and afraid to go to the police. instead i went back to school. i called one of my besties at the time and told them what happened bc i wasnt even sure at first if he had assaulted me. even tho i said stop three different times, and i was very afraid and he hurt me. i was already afraid bc he started choking me while kissing me and was very aggressive and i told him to stop and he did and then he did what he did. and then later through text he said he didn’t hear me say stop even tho during he said again ‘ but i like it’ basically. ( actually he fucking said ‘ but i like head pushing then shoved my head onto his dick again for the second time ! ) it makes me feel physically ill. i couldn’t sleep in my own bed slot of night after it first happened. or i didn’t want to leave it because it was the only place that was safe but it was also so unsafe bc i just would have flashbacks of shit that happened and just not sleep bc i was terrified of nightmares.

a few months later is when i started to find other victims. i reached out to his most recent h ex at the time and she told me terrible things that are not my business to share at all. at the time i had gotten into a weird sexual relationship with a guy and he had sa’d me three times and then continued to essentially abvse me online thru video n text under the guise of fwb and kink ( he’s also a fucking ch!ld m0lestor but i didn’t now that until it was way too late. ) finding out all of that plus going through all of that and THEN EVEN MORE STUFF HAPPENING caused me to spiral and start drinking really bad so i could cope and also not have lots of graphic memories of all of it. it was truly the worst time in my life. and truly this isn’t even a 1/5th of the whole story. the whole domino effect of december 8th, 2018. since even before that day but that was truly the start, i have been through so much s3xual trauma. it is unbelievable and hard to cope with everyday. today i am thinking about number 4 ? ig yeah. or at least rn. and i’m thinking ab number 5 bc everyday for the next month and the last month have been basically trauma anniversaries bc of him last yr. but tbh so many days are trauma anniversaries when u have cptsd and have been abvsed sm. i wish nobody ever laid their hands on me. i wish they listened to no or stop. i wish they listened to the law. i wish they hadn’t pushed their fantasies on me. i wish he didn’t fucking fuck me when i was blacked out and A FUCKING 14-15 YER OLD. i wish none of it ever happened.

[sk8termikey]

CHAPTER 29 OF 21 QUESTIONS

better interface on wattled updated till chap 41

west coast VS east coast

@Alex @Lily

Have you watched today’s video?

Alex

Coincidence bc we’ve barely started it

It sounds chaotic

You do not look happy at all

Chris

Oh my god y’all have to do live reactions

First time we can have you watching our vids

Lily

Oooh sounds fun yeah

Should we just text what we think as it happens?

Replying to:You do not look happy at all

I was not😐

I regretted all my life choices while filming this

Therefore i need to complain

Alex

It can’t be that bad matthew

It was

Chris

Go watch it now

I wanna know what you think

Nick

And yes lily, just text your thoughts that’ll be easier

Lily

Ok ok!

While waiting for the first reactions of Alex and Lily, Matt thought back to the video he had filmed with Chris and Nick that they had entitled DISGUSTING FOOD ROULETTE *matt almost throws up*. The middle triplet shuddered at the memory before unlocking his phone as he saw that one of his friends had texted.

west coast VS east coast

Lily

I’m already traumatised

I fucking hate raisins

Shit’s disgusting for no reason

Alex

Nick on the floor i can’t😭

Y’all haven’t even started eating

Nick

Believe me it gets worse

We all end up on the ground at one point tbh

Nick

I was having war flashbacks but the war hadn’t begun yet…

Alex

Never beating the triplet mindhive allegations

2 coconut water + raisins is insane

Lily

Double risk fr

Chris buying individual items cracks me up i can’t💀

Alex

STOP W THE COCONUT WATER

No but even us were shocked to have all bought it

Lily

I can’t even imagine the reactions of the cashiers when seeing the combos of what you bought-

Nick

Let’s say that mine seemed concerned

Alex

Coconut water: 1

Nick: 0😞

Coconut water truly won during this video

Lily

“You have to eat the portion that’s delivered” I’M LAUGHING

Alex

Rip nick

Bro is on the floor already dying and has to eat smth again

Stay strong bro

Nick

I wasn’t strong enough for this

You think i was???

Alex

“Oh no i feel so bad”

“Matt doesn’t deserve this”

Y’all are fucking laughing and praying on his downfall, such liars😭

I was out there on my death and those mfs act like that

I def had the worst stuff

Lily

Coconut water: 2

Nick & matt: 0

Alex

I wanna say i’m sorry for y’all but you can only blame yourselves

Lily

PTDR LES DOMINO I CAN’T

Sorry for no trusting you matt

It really is that bad

At least you changed your minds

But i expect more faith in me next time

Lily

Ofc we won’t disappoint<3

Chris

Replying to: PTDR LES DOMINO I CAN’T

PTDR??

Alex

It’s lmao in french

EVERYONE GETTING COCONUT WATER

Y’all jinxed yourselves istg

Lily

I still can’t believe each of you bought one

We were extremely surprised too dw

It was funny at first but then we all regretted it

Alex

Nick slaying w the lemon juice

Go off king👑

Nick

Thanks queen💅🏻

Chris

😭😭

Alex

I will fucking throw up

Lily

The raw egg is traumatising me

Oh god

Can’t watch that

Alex

Ik matt is on da floor and we should feel bad for him

But lily is fr just admiring the view

Lily

MAIS

BRO STFU

Replying to: MAIS

Another random french word?

Chris

Lily you gotta stop

We only know 3 words in french

Lily

Sorry😞

Alex

Tbh it means we can say whatever we want ab y’all and you won’t understand

Lily

We??

Acting as if YOU know french

Bro bffr

Chris

LMAO THE CALL OUT

And we can google translate yk??

Alex

Yeah but irl

And technically i can understand some stuff after so many years of hearing her speak french

Doesn’t mean i can speak it

Lily

I’d never do that tho👀

Chris

Sure🤨

Nick

Let’s hope not

I mean-

You do leave comments in french under our posts

Lily

No but hear me out

Alex help me out there

You started this

Alex

Stop bullying my girl, thank you

Anyways-

Chris

Wow sm help you gave her…

Alex

✨the end✨

Goodnight matthew

This was very entertaining

Nothing like a good ol’ wednesday vid

Lily

We get why you needed to complain

Feel free to come to us whenever

Thank you for your support

Chris

We all suffered tho

And it’s not like we fed you ketchup

Nick

We could have

If one of you had bought ketchup i would’ve stopped filming

Alex

Sometimes i forget you and ketchup are sworn enemies

The fact that lily loves it tho😭

Chris

Ketchup theory

Lily

Chris sweetie you mean the olive theory?

Chris

Maybe

Then olive theory (ketchup version) ig

CO WRITTEN W @littlegrapejuice <3

[hiddengems16]

Small but MIGHTY

By now, we all know these reviews have spoilers....DUH! But also, they're my own thoughts - so please watch the films and come to your own conclusions. Go to the cinema! Support indie films! I love big box office hits just like the rest of them, but boy - the indie filmmakers need our support. Movies will slowly be regurgitated nonsense with AI and Marvel/Disney hits if we don't show up to support.

I say all this, but this film is produced by big names like Cillian Murphy, Matt Damon, and Ben Affleck, so what a hypocrite am I? I guess this story is what really moved me to stand on that hill. It's truly beautiful. Before we get into it here's the COLD hard facts: Title: Small Things Like These Director: Tim Mielants Writer: Enda Walsh (Screenplay), Claire Keegan (Book Author) Rating: 7/10

Set in 1985 in Ireland, we follow the story of a devoted father Bill Furlong. He seems to be a kind, caring, and compassionate man, but we discover that these traits have plagued him his whole life. As Bill is working the start of winter delivering coal to the local convent he stumbles upon disturbing secrets - the young ladies brought there to bare their bastard children are in fact being abused and their children ripped away from them. Does he do something about it or turn a side eye just like the rest of the town?

As Bill wrestles with this decision, it's bringing up stories from this past that you don't really understand until the end of the movie. His mother was just like one of those young women but instead of a convent, a woman with a large estate took them in and kept her on as staff. We follow his story as a child with the use of flashbacks, but instead of the audience being apart his life like most filmmakers would have us be, Tim Mielants kept us as mere observers. We see that Bill's mother was young and just providing for her son in the best way she possibly could. For example, all he wanted for Christmas was a jigsaw puzzle, but instead got a heating pad. We feel disappointed for not only Billy, but his mother. When it flashes back to current day Bill we realize that he's given everything up to be the good caring father and husband. If it weren't for the kind woman that took them in, he would have been just like the babies in the convent.

One evening, Bill is kept up by the abuse he thinks he saw at the convent, so he decides to make an early delivery. As he drops the coal off to the convent, he discovers that they've locked one of the pregnant girls in the coal room outside to freeze. Later the "Mother" Nun very discreetly buys his silence with money for Christmas. Bill is torn! He even goes to his local bar, and the bartender tells him to turn the other cheek, but he just can't. As he remembers his mother, and the kindness of the people who've raised him, he can't just sit idly by. He walks all the way to the convent and saves the same girl from literally almost freezing to death - regardless of the outcome it may have on the future of his family.

Unfortunately, these stories are all too true of the "women and children who suffered time in Ireland's Magdalen laundries" — horrific asylums run by Roman Catholic institutions for most of the 20th century, ostensibly to reform 'fallen young women'" "https://www.npr.org/2021/12/22/1065780684/claire-keegan-book-small-things-like-these-magdalene-laundries"

Technically, the use of colors, costuming, shots truly made you feel like you were there. It was freezing in the film, and by the time you leave the movie you may end up being cold as well. As far as the acting, something beautiful I'm just realizing is that we see Bill (Cillian) so distraught by this decision to go against the grain, that is physically weighing him down, his neck and face never seem to sit up straight (I wanted to lift his head up for him and rub is neck. Shit, my neck even started hurting). That is...until he follows what he knows to be true. The moment he decides to stand up for the weak, the strength in his body comes and he stands straight with a spark in his eye and smile on his face. I'm not sure if it's due to editing or a conscience choice from Mr. Murphy, but it was truly beautiful to feel that peace settle upon him. Wow just wow.

The only ding I might give this movie is that it was slow, and so riddled with tensions, that you desperately wanted a big crescendo and none came. Even with the lack of excitement, you leave the theater feeling like you've watched something of worth. To leave a theater thinking about it long after means it was art. You feel like your mind and soul just went through a carwash and was given the sustenance you need to keep going. (IMDB)

Please, if you've taken the time to read through this, go watch the movie! Stories like this are so important to be told.

Anyyyywhooo, that's all she wrote! Definitely recommend this film!

Cheers!

[oshi-nakadapiroki]

Suehirogari live commentary (9/21)

matsui's first tone sounds so sensual??

enomoto's got his mic wrapped

EVERYONE'S GOT SEE-THROUGH RAINCOATS

AKASHI SIT

TONBOKIRI-SAMA

akashi got his hood off first (giving the people what they want; sasuga hiroki)

THEY ALL SOUND SO GOOD TODAY???

it sounds just like the recorded version, they can't be doing playback are they?

LAUGHING MY ASS OFF @ ONIMARU OMFG

enomoto and date-senpai got an umbrella/parasol

they cut hizen's mic when he shouted in the megaphone

tonbokiri is looking Fierce

AKASHI GOT THE SECOND MITSUMENAIDE ZOOM

daihannya got the last zoom and he kept STARING at someone in the audience rather than the camera? i'd COMBUST

did the back dancer hurt his knee?

oodenta is gonna fall off the truck if he keep leaning further every time

everyone's raincoats are getting steamy by now lol

everyone sounds softer today somehow

lmao the guy in the audience with the tonbokiri towel headband

someone's got their grandpa in the audience

matsui got rid of his raincoat

the fans in the far back blushing, giggling kicking their feet are a MOOD

AKASHI JUMP

thank you camera crew for not cutting to the center shot as usual

part of the tent covering akashi's face

NEW ANGLE SHOWS FULL BODY SHOT OF AKASHI

legs 💕

tsurumaru was so thirsty he didn't even kanpai lol

monoyoshi's bad posture

seeing hyuuga pull mutsu by the tail and i'm getting flashbacks to musuhaji when he tried breakdancing and ripped it off

hiroki running among the audience and i'm Terrified he's gonna slip on the ground

where's Tonbokiri btw

onimaru did today's amai kotoba

damn that voice is velvet smooth

hasebe AND tomoe getting up and close with the camera

yep that's akashi on the mini stage behind hizen

why have they been robbing us of this footage 😭

lol tomoe stripping hizen then wiggling a finger no to the camera

buzen sneeze kawachii

K O N P E I T O U

ummm they've changed the formation for danzen?

now i'm scared

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🏳

ok so they definitely did something to the mics this time

lol they each got their respective umbrella guy with them

DATE-SENPAI PEAKED NEW NOTE

KUWANA AND TONBOKIRI??

WHAT IS THIS UNSOLVED SEXUAL TENSION

jfc tonbokiri is Intimidating

his sheer PRESENCE

oop onimaru actually did slip on the stairs

akashi patting imanotsurugi 🥹

HE GOT THE DA DAISUKI ZOOM

well he did it together with onimaru (expectations vs reality)

horikawa stealing finger hearts from yasusada

hizen and ookanehira fighting who gets to get up the stairs first like two gradeschoolers lol

akashi trying his best to be in time for the wave

subtle muramasa tribute

MR SPI SPEARMAN

C A L M D O W N

WHAT IN THE BURLESQUE

a god amongst men

strut that stuff

this is the closest we'll get to seeing tonbokiri after having just a bit too much sake on the engawa in the evening before muramasa gets in the futon with him

hasebe's solo song is nice

i'd like to see him duet with horikawa

MUTSU IN KANE-SAN'S PLACE AGAIN?

dare no mono demonai jinsei my beloved

oh their mic covers are gone now

i could only imagine how fun shin had learning the moves with haru-chan and shotaro 🥺

technical difficulties?

mic covers back on

THEY CUT BEFORE AKASHI COULD PUT HIS LEG UP

oodenta straddling that tent pole

akashi perspective waving at koryuu

hachisuka × koryuu?

tonbo soft smile 🥹

did they do a new formation for Can you guess what too?

where's YOUR itadakimasu ookanehira??

they're all fighting for their spots 😂 literal children

they almost broke bashiko

more technical difficulties

mic covers gone

i'm weak for akashi's smirk illuminated by the red lights

DON'T POINT AT THE CAMERA LIKE THAT I WASN'T PREPARED

shougo hitting those high notes again

pls two fingers only mr kuniyuki

he's worked enough already so nagasone/mutsu on haiku duty

UGH HE'S LAYING ON THE STAGE AGAIN

MINNA-HAN

it's a 🙌 chaos world 🙌

NEW FORMATION FOR SCARLET LIPS

hasebe doing horikawa's high note

i wonder why they put ryuugi and spi when their voices don't match well.. then again it's hard to be on the same level as spipi

utsuhige monoyoshi × tonbokiri (looking like your average 2010s yaoi pairing)

sayonara matsui × hyuuga

no lift this time

AKASHI GOT THE LAST KIMI JANAKYA DAME ZOOM IN ENBU

no lift for urashima or hyuuga either

SPI SIR YOUR ENTIRE CHEST IS OUT

bless that v-neck

he looks fucking feral

yasusada and hizen's mics didn't pick up their sakebe unfortunately

a treat to see spi's sweaty chest illuminated by the fireworks

[trashworldblog]

tumblr user s1aughter water THANK YOU i fucking love talking about lore, so lets do it!!!!

[also btw im still kinda obsessed with @madamegemknight 's theory that the professor is using the hologram box to make the musical guests, but im setting that aside to talk about this theory!]

i think its possible that the hologram box was damaged, but the parts could also be used to improve the hologram box (make him stronger, bigger, etc) too!

I LOVE THE IDEA THAT THE ALGOROTHM MACHINE HAS BEEN SEMI SENTIENT AND JUST HATES RYAN SKFKWKDKWKEJM. we've seen that the algorithm isnt a full blown puppet, but in a show with sentient objects, i think anything is fair game!

genie lamp, puppet creme, and [im assuming you mean puppet vape?] are on set!

i dont know if this means theyre gonna be used, because it could mean that they're being "shelved" for this season. ryan might have 2 wishes left, unless he used all three wishes to wish the professor back, which 1st, awwww 2nd, makes since he was pretty desperate at the time. but i think it would continue the plot nicely if he had wishes left because he can use those wishes to piss off the genie more.

i also think the genie is a likely ally for the substitute. i think *technically* the professor and his family weren't dead... ....they were just time traveled into the future... but genies dont love people trying to skate around rules like that, and he's probably pissed anyway that the professor is alive AND brought two talking puppets back from dino times. and the professor is somehow getting more puppet guests!! i imagine bringing dinos to the present is fucking with history a little.

THE SATCHEL!!!! ive been thinking about this since last season!!! but after rewatching the s4 finale, asmodeus made the professor take back his wish of being able to time travel before sending him back in time, so i think its just a regular satchel now. also his satchel fell off while he was falling, so his og satchel is back in dino times.. rip. his hat might come back when he's back in his normal outfit :)

ALSO!!! I AGREE!!!! ryan definitely made some kind of deal with the genie thats more complex then we know rn. when we joined back with them we didnt see much of the deal. it could include some caveats, or ryan might have had to give up something. this would be a Wonderful opportunity for some miscommunication between ryan and the professor and more chances for their friendship to break apart again. ALSO SAME i wanna see that whole scene so bad i hope we get a flashback some day.

thanks for blowing up my tags!!! i love your ideas and theories!!

hey guys im gonna write about lore now because im a little drunk and i have Big Feelings and Ideas about the puppet show. LETS GOO!!

ok so some background: we know the substitute [the hologram professor] was defenestrated by ryan at the end of last season. we also know that defenestration doesnt ALWAYS mean that the person dies. (also can a hologram die? sources say probably not. i mean he can kick and bite but just because he can manipulate matter doesnt mean he can die per say. he can probably recharge.)

we ALSO know that the power box and victory algorithm are outside of watcher hq in the dumpster. this was revealed in 6x01 and DEFINITELY not a mistake. im like 95% sure this plays into what happens next.

so whats my theory???

i do think this season is gonna be pretty chill lore wise. i think after 4 and 5 we deserve this little victory lap and shane is gonna give it to us. im almost positive there wont be any post show lore bits (except for MAYBE the season finale) there might be more breadcrumbs along the way though! and i will be looking out for them

when we DO get into lore times, i think the most likely things to happen is something that threatens both the professor and beef boy or one of them. i think we explored alot of the internal struggles with their friendship and i think their friendship is solid and earned now. (and it feels repetitive to make them not be friends again). ive kinda been waiting for a team up, and im very excited for this to happen!!

so, my #1 theory is its probably gonna be the substitute coming back to get his revenge. probably with a little help to. top suspects are 1) genie, 2) the devil, 3) asmodeus? and 4) secret fourth thing (a character we dont know about yet) i am curious about what the substitute is gonna do with the victory algorithm. in the lore scene where hes watching the machine count, it really does seem to just be a machine that counts points like jokes and puns along with correct answers, and all it does is award a ticket for the winner. i dont see how that can be manipulated into being helpful for him.

we also gotta get those little puppets out of the wondreum arena!!! and the professor doesnt seem to know that they're stuck in there!!!! i think that is also gonna play a role at some point, but i can't quite place where it falls yet. maybe the substitute will mention it and the professor will be like ??? WHAT??? maybe that's first on the professor's priority list??? maybe they'll get them back before the substitute comes back? idk yet. but its definitely a factor and something to keep in mind. i remember the substitute saying that god said that they could send one representative to earth to figure the whole mess out anf they sent the substitute, im just curious how any puppet was supposed to do anything about that??? are they supposed to bring their now unanimated objects to the wondrium arena for the puppet souls to inhabit??? idk but im excited to see how this part gets resolved cus i wanna see the little guys get outta there.

[malcontentswanns]

who: @sunglxss​ where: the crownlands lodgings, during their time in dorne, shortly after lyra’s letter written to him.

the note remained within his hand as he walked the darkened corridors he had come to know like the back of his hand, within this lodging of the ullers within the bustling city of sunspear; he found the accommodation entirely ugly, enough to cause a headache from the musty smell, but it was what they were stuck with until he could return to his own. he thought of stonehelm often, how it were not truly so far away.

just over the border and he would find himself within the sloping valleys and caverns he knew so well, with the thunderous rain and the storms he had come to know and accept and love.

wylliam had always been able to accept storms; come to understand them. but the emotions of others, when his dry nature seemed to upset them? that was another storm he was still coming to terms with, his new position requiring him to speak and socialise with others regularly. it was easy for a dry quip of his to come with a bite he was not expecting, and that was all it took to shake someone who was still in the process of building himself up.

he didn't even know what he wanted to say to her? that he never once thought of her genuinely, even after their altercation? that he was able to let things go so easily, perhaps too easily, and that was an issue he needed to work on himself. suddenly her guards were alerting him of his presence, and he still did not even know what it was he wanted to say; when did he ever know what he wanted to say? as she came into the audience room of the sunglass chambers, he merely raised the letter slightly.

'you didn't need to do this. you know that, yeah? i forgot about it the minute you walked off."

[lemondropdancer]

Grounding Techniques

Mental Distraction Techniques

Pick a category of objects and try to think of as many objects as possible that fit within that category (e.g., types of dogs, cities, types of trees, crayon colors, sports)

Pick a letter and think of emotionally positive or neutral words that begin with that letter

Pick a color and look for things of that color. Notice differences in their exact shades

Say or think the alphabet backwards or alternate letters and numbers (A1, B2, C3, D4, etc)

Count backwards from 100 by 3s, 6s, or 7s or count up by prime numbers or perfect squares

Play "fizz-buzz" with yourself. Begin counting to 100 (or over!), but replace any number that contains the number 5 or is a multiple of 5 with the word "fizz" and any number that contains the number 7 or is a multiple of 7 with the word "buzz." For example, 1-15 would be "1, 2, 3, 4, fizz, 6, buzz, 8, 9, fizz, 11, 12, 13, buzz, fizz." When you mess up, compliment yourself and start over

Think of the words to your favorite song or poem or think of facts related to a specific theme

Pick a word or your name and see how many other words you can make from the letters in it

Describe an every day event or process in great detail, listing all of the steps in order and as thoroughly as possible (e.g., how to cook a meal, how to get from your house to your place of work or school, how to do your favorite dance)

Read something technical or meant for children or read words backwards to focus on the process of reading and not the words

Watch a children's television show or movie or watch cute or funny videos on Youtube; it might help to have a playlist already prepared for this

Look at a current news article that is not likely to be upsetting or distressing

Distract yourself with Tetris, Solitaire, Sudoku, word searches, or other puzzle games

Reorientation Techniques

Say or think to yourself: "My name is _________. I am safe right now. I am _____ years old. I am currently at _____________. The date is _____________. If I need help, I am with ________/can call _________. Everything is going to be alright."

List reaffirming statements ("I am fine. Everything is going to be okay. I am strong. I can handle this.")

Ask yourself where you are, what day of the week it is, what day of the month it is, what month it is, what year it is, what season it is, how old you are, and other present-focused questions

Notice things in your surroundings that indicate to you that you're safe or that you're in the present (e.g., locks on your door, electronics that didn't exist when you were younger, the presence of trusted people, a phone so that you can call for help if you need it)

Describe your surroundings in detail, including sights (objects, textures, shapes, colors), sounds, smells, and temperature

Name five things that you see, four that you feel, three that you hear, and two that you smell or taste, and then name one good thing that you like about yourself

Pick four or five brightly colored objects that are easily visible and move your focus between them. Be sure to vary the order of your gaze and concentrate briefly on each one before moving to the next

Think about a fun time that you recently had with a friend or call that friend and ask them to talk about it with you

Sensory-Based Grounding Techniques

Run cool or warm (but not too cold or hot) water over your hands or take a cool or warm bath or shower

Spritz your face (with eyes closed), neck, arms, and hands with a fine water mist

Spray yourself with your favorite perfume and focus on the scent

Feel the weight of your body in your chair or on the floor and the weight of your clothing on your skin

Touch and hold objects around you. Compare the feel, weight, temperature, textures, colors, and materials

Keep a small object with you to touch or play with when you get triggered. Good examples include a smooth stone, a fidget toy, jewelry, or a tiny plushy

Bite into a lemon, orange, or lime, suck on a sour or minty candy or an ice cube, chew cinnamon-flavored gum, or put a few drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue. Notice the flavor, scent, and texture

Eat something or drink warm tea, coffee, or hot chocolate, and describe to yourself the taste and texture in great detail

Place a cool wash cloth on your face or hold something cold like a can of soda

Listen to soothing or familiar music. If possible, dance to it

Hum, sing, recite poetry, or make up a silly poem or story as you go

Pick up a book and read the first paragraph out loud

Hug another person (if interpersonal touch isn't a trigger). Pay attention to your own pressure and the physical sensations of doing so

Hug a tree! Register the smells of being outside, the wind, and the sights around you

Movement-Based Grounding Techniques

Breathe deeply and slowly and count your breaths

Grab tightly onto your chair or press your feet against the ground as firmly as you can

Rub your palms and clap your hands or wiggle your toes within your socks. Pay attention to the physical sensation of doing so

Stretch out your arms or legs, roll your head on your neck, or clench and unclench your fists

Stomp your feet, walk around, run, jump, ride a bike, do jumping jacks, or do yoga

While walking, notice each footstep and say to yourself "right" and "left" to correspond with the foot currently moving

Squeeze a pillow, stuffed animal, or ball

If you have a soft pet (dog or cat), brush its fur and stroke it. If you don't, brush your own hair slowly and without pulling too much

Color in an adult coloring book, finger paint, or draw anything that comes to mind without worrying about quality

Write whatever comes to mind even if it's nonsense. Try not to write about whatever is upsetting you until you're more capable of doing so without increasing the upset

Write a list of things that make you happy or look for cheerful pictures to make into a collage

Pop bubble wrap or blow and pop actual bubbles

Dig in the dirt or garden, jump on a pile of leaves, or splash around in puddles or mud

Rip up paper or stomp on aluminum cans to crush them

Imagery Techniques

Picture yourself breathing in relaxation, calm, positive feelings, or strength. Picture yourself breathing out whatever is upsetting you. It may help to pair this with imagery of breathing in soothing colors (usually blue, purple, or green) and out more intense colors (usually red or black)

If you need to relax, envision a soothing white or golden light slowly moving up your body, warming and relaxing every part of you that it touches. You can also think of it as protecting you from negativity or from harm

If the problem is intense or uncomfortable emotions, physical sensations, or memories, picture them being surrounded and neutralized by a bright and healing light, temporarily placed in a mental box to be stored for later, or dialed back by an internal controller of intensity

If you have a clear mental picture of what's upsetting you, mentally change it to something silly or harmless. If you're a fan of Harry Potter, cast a mental "riddikulus" to banish the negativity

Picture yourself calm, focused, and able to tackle whatever problems you're facing. Focus on how that would feel in the moment. What would your expression and posture be like? Make whatever changes you need to in order to make your reality reflect your goal

How to Make a Grounding Box

Get a box or basket

Personalize and decorate it with construction paper, wrapping paper, ribbon, stickers, drawings, paint, photographs, glitter, sequins, or anything else that you like

Keep within it:

A list of grounding techniques that you know work for you

A list of positive affirmations and happy memories

A list of the contact information of trusted friends or family who are willing to help and support you

Small sensory objects such as: scented candles, perfumes, or lotions; hard candies or gum; soft fabrics, a stress ball, a stuffed animal, or a fidget toy; happy pictures of you with friends; a CD with relaxing music or meditation tracks. Try to cover all of the senses

A list of possible distractions such as books to read or movies to watch

Small portable distractions such as a pack of playing cards, a small game, or a joke book

A list of comforting things to do such as taking a bubble bath, snuggling up in bed, or meditating

A small journal or notebook

In the Case of a Flashback

Tell yourself that you are having a flashback and are safe now

Remind yourself that the worst is over, and you survived it. What you're feeling now is just a reminder of that trauma and does not fit the present moment

Remind yourself of when and where you are, who you're currently with, and who you can contact if you need help (use the reorientation-focused grounding techniques)

Breathe deeply and slowly. Count your breathes and make sure that you're getting enough air

Use other mental, sensory, movement, and imagery techniques in order to distract yourself, calm yourself, and reorient yourself within the present

If possible or necessary, go somewhere where you can be alone or with a close friend, where you will feel safe, or where you feel protected or shielded

If there is anyone who you can trust or who will support you, reach out to them, let them know what happened, and let them know what you need, what would be best for you, or what they could do to help

Be gentle with yourself and take the time to really recover. If what helps you to recover is to color, take a bubble bath, hug a stuffed animal, or watch a children's movie and if it would not be disruptive to do such things at that point in time, embrace those options whole-heartedly

If possible, note or write down what triggered the flashback, what techniques you tried to use to disrupt the flashback, and what techniques helped

[streetlight11]

Blinded Mistakes

Summary: After the breakup, things weren’t so easy for you. A huge part of you just got ripped out. It wasn’t how you expected your life to turn out. Lucky for you, there was someone you could say thanks to for saving you from your own nightmare

Theme: university au, one-sided feelings au

Genre: heavy angst, fluff

Warnings: strong language, nudity, mentions of cheating, depression, suicidal thoughts and unstable emotions (mental health is not to be made fun of so if you know someone who is going through it, do whatever is best to help them)

WC: 9.2K

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x Fem!Reader

a/n: hey there my loves <3 I've gotten a few asks, requesting for a part 2 to my oneshot of Lies After Lies so here it is! I probably won't make a part 3 for this only because the plot is technically at a dead end now so I hope this is somewhat or rather a good closure to this story. Nevertheless, hope you enjoy! :)

P.S those in plain italics are a flashback!

Three Years After The Breakup

Ever since that heartbreaking separation, Hyunjin has lost whatever contact he has from you. You changed your number, all of his social media was blocked, you moved out of your apartment, you changed colleges during your final year, you basically wiped your entire existence from his life. Of course it was hard for you to make those final decisions but it was something you knew had to be done. There was no beating around the bush with that and even he knows it. At first he didn’t feel any different because he had Rhea to focus on.

But guess what? Karma is a bitch. And karma came to bite his ass three years after he left you for an actual bitch… 

Rhea cancelled on their date plan at the very last minute, saying she wasn’t feeling too well. Hyunjin got worried and asked if he could come over to take care of her but she refused. She told him that she could manage on her own and that she just wanted to lay down and let her body recharge again after eating her medicines. Hyunjin being him, he understood despite having a hunch that something wasn’t right. 

A few hours later, he called Rhea to check in on her. Just wanting to make sure that she’s okay. It was only 7 in the evening so it didn’t make sense if she couldn’t reply to his texts or calls not even once. Sure she might have fallen asleep after eating her medications but he had been texting her since three hours ago but she still hasn’t opened his chat.

Something’s not right…

He thought to himself before he leaped out of his couch to grab his phone and keys before leaving his apartment. He drove to her place in less than 10 minutes, feeling uneasy. Maybe she passed out. Maybe she’s asleep. Maybe she went to get food. There were so many possibilities that would explain why she hasn’t been checking his texts. However, the odds of it being one of those reasons are slim. 

The minute he arrived at her apartment complex, he quickly rushed upstairs in hopes that she was okay. When he finally stood outside her door, he was searching for his spare keys when all of a sudden, a loud yet muffled moan filled his ears. 

“What the fuck?” He asked as the male managed to unlock the front door and right off the bat, the two sneakers and heels that seemed to sprawl over the ground caught his eyes followed by the discarded clothes thrown at every inch of the house. “No fucking way…” Hyunjin thought to himself as he slowly walk deeper and deeper into the premises. The further he went, the louder the sound of heavy grunts and moans could be heard. 

His blood was boiling in his veins, his heart was beating rapidly due to anger. He was growing insanely furious. The minute he stopped right outside her bedroom door, that’s when he heard her pleading voice, begging to be fucked like the slut she was.

With that being said, Hyunjin slammed the door open abruptly, cutting the session short. All three of them jumped from shock as Hyunjin witnessed the obscenity in front of him.

There on her bed, laid a male with blonde locks. Rhea was riding his manhood with her back facing him while the jet black haired male kneeled in front of her, enjoying the view of his girth disappearing into her mouth. The guys seemed to panic but not Rhea. All she did was smirk. “The fuck is this?!” Hyunjin growled as he stormed over to them only to grab her wrist and yanked her off their holds and onto her feet.

“I’m sorry baby, this was just a one time thing.” Rhea said with her sweet voice while batting her eyelashes at him.

“One time thing? Who the fuck said it’s okay to fuck two dudes while you’re dating me?! Do I mean nothing to you?” Hyunjin asked as his voice got softer. He seemed disappointed but why was this feeling so familiar to him?

Oh wait…

“You’re a sweet guy, Hyunjin. You really are… But you’re too naive. I’m not gonna lie though, you’re heavenly in bed.” She smirked while she ran a finger down his jawline. He slapped her hand away, not wanting to hurt her.

“You’re breaking up with me?” He asked as if to double confirm.

“Of course… Unless you don’t mind sharing me with others.” She let out a giggle before she took his hand and brought it down to press his palm against her throbbing, wet core. Hyunjin immediately pulled his arm back harshly before scowling at her.

“I never should’ve left her…” Hyunjin whispered softly under his breath all while taking large steps backwards.

She laughed like a maniac, locking eyes with him after and said, “You lost, babe.” Hyunjin didn’t waste anymore time as he left the house fuming with anger. Except, it wasn’t towards Rhea… it was towards himself.

That night, Hyunjin went back home only to vent out his anger. He screamed. He yelled. He cried. He threw every single item near him, against the wall and across the room. He thrashed his place like it was nothing. He couldn’t think straight. His mind was jumbled up like a new box of puzzles. He was frustrated, disappointed, ashamed, remorseful, furious, literally every negative feeling to ever exist. Yet, he can’t really do much.

He cried for hours, not giving a single fuck in the world about his neighbours filing a noise complaint against him. At this moment, he wished he could just turn back time and stop himself from making that stupid mistake. He wished he could just allow the one person who has been there for him all his life, to take all his pain away as if it never happened in the first place. But of course, that was all just a dream now. He lost that comfort place and there wasn’t a single hint of him being able to retrieve that back. 

Simply because it’s close to impossible. 

“Hey Lix, have you heard from Hyunjin the past few days? That idiot just left me unread and has been ignoring my calls. Did he say anything to you?” Minho asked as Felix took a bite of his fillet. The younger one shook his head while he was busy chowing down his lunch. 

“He hasn't opened my chat since last Friday… Do you think something happened to him?” The younger one asked, sounding genuinely worried.

“What? You think he’s dead?” Minho chuckled but Felix clicked his tongue and slapped the elder’s shoulder.

“Oi! Don’t say that, hyung! I’m sure he’s still alive but I’m just not sure if he’s well… I think we should check on him.”

“Where? We don’t even know where he is, for god’s sake.” Minho said with a bored tone.

“We can start with his house.” Felix said, earning a shrug from the older boy. With that being said, that was exactly what they did after their classes ended for the day. The two boys arrived at Hyunjin’s apartment about half an hour later, finding Hyunjin’s car just parked in one of the lots. Minho went over to it and placed a hand on the hood of the car, only to frown.

“What’s wrong, hyung?” Felix asked, only for Minho to look at him with pure worry.

“His engine is cold… It’s like… he never went anywhere for days.” Minho said. 

With the amount of concern piling up in them, the two boys soon took the lift up to Hyunjin’s floor. They knew the route by heart after coming here multiple times before. Once they arrived outside Hyunjin’s unit, Felix gave the door a few knocks. All they got was silence. Minho tried knocking again and the result was still the same. Just then, he reached for the door knob to try his luck.

Thankfully, the door was unlocked which means Hyunjin was home. However, what they were about to walk into never once crossed their minds.

The house was in utter chaos. Things were thrown everywhere. 

Plates, vases and jars were broken. All his art works and paintings were torn and thrown across the hall. Anyone would suspect a robbery or even a murder that took place there. And that is exactly what they had in mind. Fortunately, Minho was quick enough to pick up what sounded like a soft cry coming from down the hallway. He began to walk deeper into the premises, making his way straight towards Hyunjin’s bedroom. Trying his best to avoid the shards of glass and ceramic on the ground.

The moment he stood outside Hyunjin’s bedroom, he gently pushed the door open. Only to reveal their dishevelled friend sitting on the ground looking completely unkempt. 

“Hyunjin?! What the fuck, dude! We thought you were dead! What the fuck happened to you? And why is your house similar to a bloody crime scene?” Minho asked firmly in hopes that his dear friend would cooperate. Thankfully, he did.

“I was stupid, hyung… I was so fucking stupid! I’m an asshole… I’m a fucking asshole!”

“No shit sherlock.” Minho whispered under his breath while Felix tried to calm his friend down.

“Hyunjin ah, what happened?” Felix asked as he kneeled next to the broken boy who had his fingers buried deep in his own locks.

“I shouldn’t have trusted her… I should have known better not to fall for her…”

“Her, who?”

“Rhea! She cheated on me…” Hyunjin said as his two friends glanced over to each other with a knowing look on their faces. They knew about his breakup with you. They knew what he did to you back then. So when the same thing happened to Hyunjin a few days ago, the boys could only nod as they knew this would happen one day.

“Huh. I see.” Minho said as he crossed his arms over his chest before he continued, “I guess that saying is true then… What goes around, does come around.” Hyunjin sighed heavily and soon crashed the back of his head against the wall. 

“I miss her hyung… I fucking miss her but I know she would never take me back after what I did. I’m an idiot.” Hyunjin began to chuckle like a maniac, finding it ridiculous how he made his life choices. Nevertheless, the two boys couldn’t do much to cheer their poor friend up except telling him to give it a shot and try to reconcile with you despite knowing that would be close to impossible.

Even then, Hyunjin tries his best to find you everywhere online that he can.

Two weeks passed, even though Hyunjin is still struggling to find you on social media, he hasn’t given up on that just yet. He was determined to find you simply because he wants, or more so wishes that you would agree on starting over. Losing Rhea made him realize that what he did to you was absolutely outrageous and that he was so blinded by her that he could easily give up the one person who has literally been there for him since day 1. He was stupid. He was naive. He was a total asswipe and he acknowledges it now.

Which is why he couldn’t forgive himself for his actions. He hated himself for that. But what’s been done is done. All he could do now was to accept his consequences and move on with his life.

It was a Saturday night, Hyunjin decided to hangout with Minho and Felix at the bar but he didn’t really have the feels to drink. So he opted for a mocktail instead. He had too many things in his mind that he might actually explode any moment now. Recently, his mind has been filled by your wellbeing and your whereabouts. He knew he needed to move on but he only will and probably only could do that once he finally apologizes to you.

Hyunjin takes a small gulp of his drink, feeling the cool, liquid flow down his throat as a soft sigh escapes his lips. Both of his friends could only exchange knowing looks to one another, not sure if they should even say anything to their friend who has been sighing every 3 minutes ever since they stepped foot in the bar. 

Hell, Hyunjin has been sighing for the past few weeks ever since the breakup with Rhea. However, Minho decides to be the older person amongst them and acknowledges the elephant in the room.

“Hey, Hyunjin ah. It’s time to put it all in the past. Stop dwelling on this, man…” He paused as he gave Felix a glance before he continued whilst looking at Hyunjin dead in the eyes, “She’s not coming back.” That’s when Hyunjin slams his hand on the tabletop and raises his voice slightly in sheer anger.

“Don’t! Don’t say that! I know she will. She has to… Right? I mean, she can’t live without me. She said that herself…” Hyunjin’s voice slowly began to go into a whisper as he tries to convince himself more than anyone else.

Felix scoots closer to his friend and places a soft hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder as a way of comfort despite knowing it probably didn’t do shit.

“Look man, she’s probably living a happy life right now so just… go with it.” Felix said. 

Hyunjin scoffs as he gets up to leave, not bothering to answer their calls even when Minho literally shouts about who’s going to drive them home later. The former simply raises an arm up at a 90° angle to flip Minho off without turning back. Once he was out of that dim bar, he walked over to his car and proceeded to enter the stationary vehicle, only to let out a frustrated yell the minute he closed the door beside him.

He runs his fingers desperately through his hair, almost on the verge of ripping his strands out. Nevertheless, the male couldn’t help but cry in the comforts of his car. To make things simple, he was currently pathetic.

So to clear his mind, he decided to go for a drive without a particular destination. He just wanted to take his mind off of you as best as he could even though he knew it would be close to impossible. Even so, he still did it. He began driving for the next few minutes, not knowing where he was or where he was heading. It's been nearly an hour of him just driving where the roads took him, only to realize that he was now further down town. Probably coming two hours away from his apartment. 

While driving down the street, he came across a 24 hour cafe which looked like it was only 2 in the afternoon. The cafe was nearly packed with customers and that usually means that the cafe was popular amongst those living in this particular area. So when he managed to get himself a parking space, he got out of his car and began to stroll towards the cafe that caught his eye. 

Upon entering the place, a strong aroma of roasted coffee beans began to waft in the air. Filling his senses with it. Hyunjin was obsessed with coffee. He drinks it when he’s happy, sad, sleepy, depressed, distressed. Basically coffee runs in his bloodstream. His eyes were glued on the menu board above the cashier, scanning the list of drinks that were available. Just then, a male with muscular arms, broad chest, wide shoulders and a toothy grin comes over to attend to Hyunjin.

“Hi, welcome to Haus Of Coffee. What can I get for you today?” He asked as Hyunjin spoke up to give his order.

“I’ll just have an iced americano to go please.”

While the male was pressing buttons on the monitor screen, Hyunjin was just randomly looking around the cafe to check out the interior of the place. However, his admiration was soon cut short when he heard a familiar voice just two feet away from him. 

With that being said, he carefully turned his head back to the front and he could’ve sworn his heart stopped beating for a second. 

It was you.

It was really you.

You said something that was just loud enough for your colleague to hear, only for him to burst out into a cackle. You teasingly slapped his chest as you unconsciously turned your head towards Hyunjin. It would be a lie if you said your heart didn’t flinch a tad bit upon seeing him after all these years but it didn’t create the same feeling it did when you were still with him. 

You simply felt… numb.

Which is exactly why you ignored him and walked away to go make the coffee orders. Hyunjin was so busy staring at you that he almost missed the way the male at the counter was calling out to him loudly to get his attention. Hyunjin finally returns back to earth and soon takes out his money. While the male was keeping the money in the cashier and taking the change he owed Hyunjin, the latter made a quick glance at the male’s name tag, ‘Changbin’.

After he got his change back, he slowly walked over to the side to get a better view of you. However, something unexpected happened and Hyunjin didn’t know why but felt jealous. You were tamping the coffee grinds when Changbin suddenly tickled your sides before wrapping his arms around your waist. You laughed as he placed a soft kiss on your cheek, causing you to blush.

Changbin lets go of you only to leave the back to go clear the tables so Hyunjin took this opportunity to step forward, closer to where you were. He remained silent until you came over to pass him his drink.

“Iced americano.” You said while avoiding his eyes. You were about to walk away when he was quick to grab your wrist softly.

“Y/N…” He calls your name sweetly, just the way you used to like it. “Can we talk? Please?” He asked, voice sounding hopeful as ever.

“I’m working.”

“What time do you end? We can talk after.” He insisted, making you frown and finally lock eyes with him.

“There’s nothing to talk about. We’re done, remember? Now go before she finds you talking to me.” You said firmly, pulling your arm out of his grip just in time for Changbin to re-enter the back. Hyunjin felt defeated but he was determined to talk to you. So he waited outside beside his car. About an hour and a half later, he finally saw you leaving the cafe alone. The only problem is, before he could even go up to you, Changbin came out a few seconds later only to surprise you with a back hug and soon kissed your cheek again just like before. 

You seemed really happy at the moment and it hurts him. Because the last time you were this happy was when he was still with you. And yet despite all this, he couldn’t bear to ruin your happiness which is why he decided to leave after he sees you putting on the helmet only to climb onto the pillion seat of Changbin’s sports bike.

His world got crushed for the second time but he’s sure that third time’s a charm.

Four days later, you were working your afternoon shift again right after class. It was half past 11 and you had less than an hour until your shift would end. Changbin wasn’t working tonight but he promised to pick you up after work. Just that he had an urgent matter at work to settle first so he might be a few minutes late. About 20 minutes later, you had just finished making an iced americano and were about to call out the name of the person who ordered the drink when your voice got stuck in your throat seeing the familiar name written on the cup.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes in which he clearly saw. Yet again, he didn’t wanna let you go that easily. Just like before, he told you he wanted to talk to you and he insisted on having a few minutes of your time. Since Changbin wouldn’t be coming anytime soon, you decided to give in. Once you left the cafe, you looked around to spot Hyunjin sitting on a bench that was located right outside this flower shop just two units down. 

He looked up from his coffee the minute he heard soft footsteps approaching him, making him smile but you couldn’t react the same way.

“Hey… Uh thanks… For choosing to sit with me.” He said nervously and you could tell.

“I’m only doing this because I have a ride to wait for. Don’t think I did this to sympathise with you.” You responded coldly to him with your arms crossed over your chest. A part of him shattered upon hearing how distant you were being when you were literally claiming him as your world years ago. His face dropped slightly in disappointment despite knowing he can’t blame you anyway.

“Listen… I know that what I did was absolutely wrong. But I feel like I have to tell you something.” He paused to see your reaction but all he got was two bored eyes staring plainly back at him. Hyunjin gulps down his nervousness before coming clean to you.

“Rhea and I broke things off a couple of days ago…”

Both of you fell silent for a second, giving you the chance to ask further.

“What happened?”

His eyes suddenly dropped to the floor, feeling pure embarrassment and humiliation washing over him.

“I… walked in on her cheating on me.” 

“Oh…” That was all you managed to say. You grew silent again as you felt a sense of deja vu except it was happening to him and not you.

“I know I did you wrong. I know I was an asshole… but I just-” 

Right at that moment, the sound of the engine rumbling down the empty street made you divert your attention to it. Gaze falling onto the rider of the matte grey sports bike rolling to a slow stop until they were right in front of where you were. An instant smile appears on your face despite the person having a full face helmet on. Not long after, you stood up and so did Hyunjin.

The rider swings his leg over the back to unmount the vehicle and takes off his helmet only to then turn to you with the brightest of smiles.

“Hey! I’m really sorry I’m late! My grandma slipped in the bathroom so I had to call the ambulance for her. Mom and dad weren’t home.” Changbin said with a small pout on his face as you took a step closer to him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. But is she feeling better now?”

“Mmm! She didn’t have any broken bones or anything. Just that her ankle is sprained a little. That’s all.”

“She’ll recover soon. I know that. She’s a very strong woman.” You said, earning a soft giggle from him before his eyes flicked over to Hyunjin.

“Oh? Didn’t you come to the cafe the other day? Do you guys know each other?” Changbin asked innocently as you quickly answered calmly before Hyunjin could.

“We were schoolmates years ago… I’m surprised he even recognizes me.” You let out a small laugh to loosen the tension between you and Hyunjin. Changbin’s smile widens as he claps his hand once and says, “Ahh! No wonder he was shocked to see you the other day. He got so distracted he didn’t even hear me talk to him.” He laughed as Hyunjin mimicked his reaction slightly so as to not seem off.

“We better get going babe. We’ve gotta do the opening shift tomorrow.” You said as you slipped your hands in Changbin’s easily, feeling him give your hand a gentle squeeze. A small reassurance to tell you that he is indeed with you. 

“Sorry to disrupt your reunion!” Changbin directed his words to Hyunjin who simply stood there like a lost child. He shook his head and waved his hands to brush him off.

“No no, it’s fine.” Hyunjin said, swallowing his tears as he spoke.

“It was nice meeting you, uh… I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name.” Changbin laughs, causing Hyunjin to respond.

“It’s Hyunjin.”

“Right, sorry. See you around Hyunjin!” Changbin said cheerfully before walking with you to his bike. 

Hyunjin watched as Changbin whispered something in your ear, to which you scoffed loudly with a smile before slapping his chest. You seemed genuinely surprised but due to something positive. Changbin’s giggle echoes down the empty street, sliding his hands around your waist perfectly. Your hands cupped each side of his face, bringing his face close to yours as you said something against his lips. And that’s when Hyunjin’s nightmare happened.

You giggled right before you gently pressed your lips against Changbin’s full ones. 

A mix of jealousy and disappointment began to rage through Hyunjin’s body. His mind was in distress while his heart was ripped into pieces. “This can’t be happening… It’s only been three years…” He thought to himself. 

Exactly… 

It’s. Been. Three. Years.

He was a fool to think that after all these years, you would actually wait for his return. He was a fool to think that you’d give him another chance. He was a fool to think that after what happened, you would take him back. 

He was a fool.

The minute Changbin drives off into the distance, Hyunjin couldn’t help but collapse to the ground helplessly. Tears came streaming down his face like a broken pipe. He couldn’t control himself as he yelled out in frustration, completely ignoring the stares he got from all those around him. He knew this might’ve happened but he didn’t want to consider this possibility. He has always thought that you will never move on from him just because you’ve known him since you were in diapers.

Looks like he was wrong.

A few weeks passed, you were meeting up with Changbin, Jisung, Jeongin and Seungmin at the mall to hang out together after a stressful week of exams. You were waiting for Jisung, Jeongin and Seungmin outside the Apple store with Changbin. He leans against the railing while you stand between his legs. Changbin protectively holds your waist with his hands while you tangle one hand into his hair with the other resting on his chest. Occasionally playing with the pendant of his necklace.

He sneaks a kiss to your lips, making you giggle. He does this a few times, only for you to cup his face with both hands and stare directly into his eyes softly with a smile.

“I love you a lot, you know that?” You asked, to which he nodded.

“I know. Because I love you so much too.” He responded confidently. He kissed you again longingly until a voice called you out in disgust.

“Get a room please. We don’t need PDA here.” Jisung said as you turned around to find all three of them walking to you. Just then, Changbin smirks cockily at the younger boy and says, “I’m sorry your single ass feels jealous of me and my beautiful girlfriend.” 

Jisung scoffed loudly as a joke before he spoke up, “Jealous? As if! It’s not like you’ve only got the best girl ever or anything…” He said with a pout on his face, making you laugh. The five of you began to leave the spot and made your way to the restaurant you wanted to eat in. Hours later, Jeongin suggested getting dessert at this ice cream waffle place a few blocks down from the mall and so Changbin drove all of you there. Once you were there, you sat at a table with them while Changbin went to order the desserts with Seungmin.

You were just listening to Jeongin rant about this girl in his class that is somewhat of a creep when Jisung’s voice calling out to a familiar name made you freeze in your spot. 

“Hey yo, Hyunjin! My man! What are you doing here?” Jisung asked as he got up and soon did a handshake with the said person. 

“Hey man! I got bored so I decided to go for a drive.” Hyunjin said. You glanced up only to meet Hyunjin’s eyes but all you felt was emptiness. From the visible frown on his face, you could tell that he was shocked to see you with Jisung. The fact that he froze, Jisung knew something was wrong, which is why he decided to be smart and ask.

“Do you guys know each other?” 

“He was my schoolmate.” You replied, the same answer you gave Changbin when he first asked.

“That’s so cool! What a coincidence!” Jisung laughed, earning a soft chuckle from you and Jeongin but not Hyunjin. Just then, Changbin and Seungmin came back to the table and of course, your boyfriend acknowledged Hyunjin like the friendly guy he is. They talked for a bit to ask about Hyunjin’s wellbeing and what he's been doing recently. However, right when he excused himself, he deadpanned at Changbin with a smile and asked him for permission.

“Hey, do you mind if I borrow Y/N for a bit? I just need to talk to her about something.” 

“Sure. As long as you don’t kidnap her from me, I’m good.” Changbin jokes, making you click your tongue at him. He laughed out loud, saying you were cute when you got angry but nonetheless allowed you to go with Hyunjin. You hesitantly followed Hyunjin out of the cafe only for him to ask you to walk with him. You wanted to just talk outside the cafe where your friends and boyfriend could see you but he insisted on walking. So to avoid fighting with him, you simply followed him.

“How have you been?” He asked first, in which you nodded and responded after.

“Good. Yourself?”

“Not the best… Exam week is crazy and my professor is shit.”

“Well, there’s always the one professor who’s useless in every campus.” He laughed at your remark, covering his face with his hand. A little habit he picked up since he was small. Both of you fell silent for a second or two before he cleared his throat.

“How did you meet Jisung?” You asked, genuinely curious.

“I met him at my cousin’s wedding. He was the bride’s distant relative. I didn’t know who he was but then we started talking when we were at the dessert table.”

“Yeah, he can be quite a talkative little hamster when he’s in the mood. Sometimes too talkative…” You said, earning a soft chuckle from him. The next few minutes, the conversation was okay until he brought up a question about your relationship values.

“Why do you trust strangers so easily?” He asked nonchalantly, making you frown at him deeply, unsure of what he meant by that.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. Why do you trust that dude so much?” He asked clearly in spite of Changbin.

“Are you listening to yourself? What does my trust in him have to do with you?”

“You’re trusting a stranger too much, god knows he might be lying to you behind your back.”

“First of all, he’s not a stranger to me. You don’t even know him. And second of all, a person I met a year ago is much more trustworthy than a person I’ve known my whole life.” You said out of sheer anger, making him stiff.

“So don’t educate me on who I can and can’t trust when you’re literally the cause of me having trust issues.” You continued to speak your point, all of which he remained quiet. You were done with his bullshit. You just wanted to tear yourself away from him forever and not have him in your life anymore. With that being said, you turned around to walk back to the cafe but he was stubborn. He wasn’t done talking so he grabbed your wrist to stop you and it worked.

“Fine! Yes! I lied to you a lot back then but I was just trying to protect our relationship!”

You were furious now.

“Protect?! Are you fucking kidding me?! You lied to me because you were too much of a pussy to tell me that you were cheating on me! Don’t pretend like you were doing it to save our relationship because that’s bullshit!” You said, knowing you had a point.

“What was I supposed to do?! Tell you that I was attracted to your friend?!”

“At least it’s better than lying to me for 15 fucking months, isn’t it?”

“Y/N, you’re being irrational.” Hyunjin scoffed under his breath. That was his mistake. Because that made you lose your shit. That was your final straw.

“Irrational?! Because of you, I suffered from depression after you left me for that slut! I kept wanting to kill myself Hyunjin, and I almost succeeded. I kept telling myself that I wasn’t good enough for anyone. You were everything to me. You were my whole world and you even dared to make me feel unworthy that night. Your words kept replaying in my mind like a broken record. I was going insane…” 

You paused for a second only to continue, “But guess what? While you were happy with that bitch, only one person managed to get me out of that horrible state and nurtured me back to sanity… And it’s changbin. He was there for me when no one else was. A guy who I’ve just met, a complete stranger, was there for me at my lowest. Where were you?” You paused again, noting how his face had dropped. You had tears rolling down your cheeks now but you didn’t care.

“Where were you when I needed you most?” You paused to let him think.

“Y/N-”

“So don’t! Tell me I shouldn’t trust him because if there’s one person I would call during a life and death situation, I’d choose him in a heartbeat.” With a harsh swing of your arm from his grip, you stormed back down the street while aggressively wiping your tears away before entering the cafe to avoid questions from them. Hyunjin knew he fucked up badly and there was no way of redeeming himself now. But he knows he deserved it. So all he could do was sigh and walk away.

He lost. He lost the battle and he acknowledges it.

14 Months After The Breakup

It has been months since the world came crashing down on you. It was easily the saddest moment for you as you have lost the most precious person to ever exist in your life. Hyunjin was your everything. He was your best friend, your other half, your soulmate, your boyfriend. 

Well… ex-boyfriend that is. 

You have always thought that you can never live without him. He was your pillar of strength. He was the first person to ever talk to you in preschool. He was your motivation to keep you on your feet everyday. He was the one who brought you to your first ever live concert. He was the first person to ever confess his feelings to you. He was the first person to ever kiss you. He was your first to many things.

Which is why you found it oh so hard to forget about him completely in a flash. Even when you’ve moved to a new city, deleted and blocked all of his social media and phone number, avoided his friends, everything you could think of, you still somehow end up thinking about him. It was a chore to keep forcing yourself into forgetting him. It came to a point that you even began to suffer from depression. It was tiring when all you wanted to do was end your life, feeling utterly hopeless. Finding the easiest ways to get yourself to stop thinking about him.

It was unhealthy but there was no one to help you because the one person you thought would always be there for you at your lowest, was busy fucking around with a slut. You went weeks without having a proper meal. Losing weight extremely due to your lack of nutritions. Your eyes puffy from crying to sleep almost every night. You were constantly at wits end. 

However, on one very fateful night, is when your whole life changed in a blink of an eye. 

You were going insane. You couldn’t take it anymore. You’ve lost every ounce of hope, every bit of faith into believing that not all men are similar to Hyunjin. You’ve lost all your hope into thinking that you have a second chance at love. He was the cause of your fear. He was the cause of your phobia. He was the cause of your trust issues. He was the cause of every negative trait and issues you were facing ever since the breakup.

As much as it sucks to go through this pain, you didn’t know how else to overcome it. As a result, you have decided to make your way up the tallest building in the city you were in. Once you made it to the top of the building, you took slow steps towards the edge of the parapet. Resting both hands on the surface, leaning over to witness the height of the building. A cold shiver ran down your spine, unable to grasp the fact that this might be the last thing you see. With a heavy heart and a shaky pair of legs, you carefully climbed onto the parapet to prepare yourself.

Your breaths got heavier by the minute as you glanced down to look at how high up you were.

“That’s it. Here goes nothing.” You whispered to yourself.

However, as soon as you begin to lift one feet up and swing it slowly outwards to dangle off the edge, a soft voice calls out behind you.

“Miss. I really don’t mean to startle you but please… please don’t do it…” The male said. You didn’t realize you were crying until you tasted something salty on your lips.

“Why? Why shouldn’t I jump?! He doesn’t love me! Nobody loves me!” You cried as you took a small step back, edging closer and closer to the edge while he too took small steps forward.

“Don’t say that. I’m sure a lot of people love you. Your family loves you.” He said again, in a very gentle voice while he had his hands out with his palms facing you.

“I feel so fucking useless! I’m a fucking loser. He made me feel so worthless. He doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t love me.” You frowned, causing him to smile.

“I know I may not be the best person for advice. But what I do know is that your life is the most precious thing in this world and I wouldn’t take it away from myself just because of an outsider, if I were you. So please… don’t do this to yourself, miss…” He said as you stood frozen there. You were a crying mess now as he finally stood a foot away from you. Since you were distracted, he carefully slipped his hand into yours and tugged you towards him. Once you were finally back on the rooftop ground, he smiled while still keeping his hold on you. 

“Do you need some comfort?” He asked and all you could do was nod weakly. The male laughs softly but nonetheless wraps his arms around you. For some odd reason, you felt so safe in this stranger’s arms. It was almost as if it was meant to be perfect. You embraced his warmth by sliding your arms around his waist tightly, burying your face in his neck while he held you close to him. 

“Why does he not love me?” You whispered in between tears, mind still hazy with the thought of your best friend. However, the words that the male said couldn’t leave your mind even after you’ve gone your separate ways after that.

“The only love that matters is self love. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t love you. Love yourself first because people will come and go. And that’s normal. So it’s okay. It’s really okay to lose people you love. Just don’t forget to love yourself more. That way, even if the ones you love do leave you, you won’t feel so lost and empty.” 

With that being said, you pulled away from him, feeling how genuine he was now that he has said those things to you. The minute you were face to face with him, you finally got to properly look at the male who saved you from your near death. 

He was handsome. So handsome and who knew a stranger you’ve just met, would be willing to help someone who is at their ultimate lowest without caring about whether they’re someone they love or just merely a stranger. This shows how good of a person he is. When he noticed how blankly you were staring at him, he let out a soft giggle before cupping your face with both hands and wiped your tears with his thumbs. After doing that, his eyes met yours and you couldn’t help but feel shy from his gaze. 

You felt stupid for what you almost did. You were too blinded by the mistakes that you forgot about your family. How they would feel if you took your own life just because of a boy. How your mother would feel if she found out she lost you when she hasn’t seen you in years ever since you moved out to go to college. You weren’t ready to break her heart. You just couldn’t.

So you were thankful. You were so thankful for the stranger who saved you tonight. 

A Few Days After That Fateful Night

It’s been a few days since the night that stranger saved you from your misery. You had been reflecting about everything, making video calls to your family back at home. Telling them you missed them and that you loved them so much. It was such a relief to see them smile. It felt so warming to know that despite losing one person, you’ve still got your family to receive the love from. They will always be your strength, no matter what the circumstances are. 

Tonight however, you decided to go and get some fresh air. You weren’t sure where to go or what to do. All you know is that you just needed to get out of the house and start fresh. You wanted to try and put all the past behind and start moving forward instead of staying put where you last fell. So that’s exactly what you did.

Of course it was hard because you were on your own. You had no one to help you. The work would take double your effort but with time, you were sure you’ll make it. With that being said, you wore a hoodie and slipped on your comfortable sweatpants before leaving the house. You aimlessly walked around your neighbourhood with no sense of direction. It was 15 minutes to midnight and there were little to no shops left that were operating at this late hour. All except for this cafe called Haus Of Coffee.

With no thought, you entered the bright cafe which seemed to be open till past midnight since the cafe looks like it's nearly full. There was no one at the cashier but there was one girl cleaning the tables and that was it. So you took this time to scan the menu board to see what you could buy. You were just focused on the menu when the staff room door right behind the cashier slides open. 

You see the back of a guy talking to a man wearing a black button down shirt who seemed to be joking around with the guy. When the man wearing black noticed you, he nodded his head towards the guy in front of him to signal your presence. 

“Hyung! You owe me an ice cream!” The guy said before turning around completely but for some reason, his voice sounded oh so familiar. The minute he turned around, that’s when your heart skipped a beat. It was the same guy from that night. He looked equally shocked to see you as his eyes grew wide and his mouth hung agape slightly. 

“Oh? You’re… Aren’t you the girl from that night?” He asked gently to which you only nodded. 

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again…” He chuckled nervously before continuing, “How have you been?” He asked, making you smile.

“Okay… Not the greatest but I’m feeling slightly better. Still trying my best to heal.” You said quietly as he nodded to show that he understands you.

“What can I get for you today? Do you need a little night booster or are you just here for a stop-over drink?” He asked with the cutest grin you’ve ever seen.

“Just the latter is fine. I was actually out to get my mind off things.”

“Mmm. Then I have the perfect drink for you! Have you ever tried the Iced Butterfly Pea Sweet Tea?”

“What is that?” 

“I promise you it’s every customer’s favourite! They usually come here for that if they don’t want coffee.” He said, making you giggle.

“Okay then. Maybe I’ll give that a try.” 

He smiles as he taps the screen to key in your order while asking, “Anything else for you?” 

“No, that will be all. Thank you.” You said, to which he nodded and soon charged you for your drink. However, after you’ve collected your receipt and were waiting by the side, only then did you notice the price you paid was half of the original amount they stated on the menu board. Not only that, there was a small note typed in under the remarks which made you smile instantly.

“You’re already pretty but I think you look even more beautiful when you smile. So don’t put that smile away! :)” 

The minute you glanced up, your eyes instantly met his own pair from on top of the coffee machine. Even though you could only see his eyes, the way they crinkled into crescent moons, it was only obvious that he was smiling. He looked down to break eye contact and soon you felt your heart racing in your chest. 

A few minutes later, he calls for you to tell you your order is ready. When you walked over, he smiled adorably at you. “Here’s your order.” He said.

“Thank you… um…” You paused in thought as he chuckled softly as if he read your mind.

“Changbin.” He smiled, causing you to easily mimic his expression.

“Thank you Changbin.” You repeated your words in addition to his name this time. Except, he didn’t forget to ask for yours.

“I’m Y/N.”

“Pretty name for a pretty girl.” He flirted with you but it seems so natural and playful. And you were oddly okay with it. Maybe because the one saying it is him and not some random creepy dude. Right? Maybe.

“Where are you going after this?” He asked you casually, to which you shrugged your shoulders.

“I’m not too sure to be honest.”

“Do you need company?”

“But you must be really tired from work, right?”

“I’m holding up well.” Both of you laughed softly as he continued, “So… where shall we go?”

“You know, you’re really confident for somebody I just met. Are you always like this to every pretty girl you meet?” You asked out of curiosity and he completely understood your insecurity.

“Even if I told you I don’t flirt with every girl, you wouldn’t believe me, would you?” 

“Of course not.” 

“Exactly, so should I even answer your question?” He asked cheekily while cocking his eyebrow at you teasingly.

“Fine. Fair point.” You said in defeat, earning a laugh from him. Just then, Changbin asks if you were still up for a little adventure with him after he finished his shift. With the fact that you wanted to start fresh and get your mind off things, you decided to string along. Your gut feeling has always been right so far and tonight, you had a feeling that he was someone you could trust. Which is why you agreed to his suggestion, making him smile brightly.

And that was the start of your new friendship with the cute barista who also happens to be the one who saved you from your past trauma and heartbreak.

6 Months Later

Changbin and you haven’t officially declared yourselves as a couple but the signs were there. You’ve been on a few outings that seemed too romantic to be called a casual hang out. However, neither of you wanted to openly call it a date as none of you wanted the other to get the wrong message in case they didn’t feel the same way. It was a Saturday afternoon and Changbin had told you in advance that he wanted to bring you out today. Except, he didn’t say where. All he said was to wear something free and easy.

With that being said, you opted for a simple pair of denim jeans, a pretty floral blouse and your favourite white sneakers. He picked you up right at your doorstep, looking so handsome that it blew your mind away. He was wearing a pair of jeans, a simple graphic black shirt which had the sleeves rolled nicely to accentuate his muscular arms perfectly, a few statement jewellrys, a pair of sneakers and a cap.

“Hey beautiful. Ready to go?” He greeted you, causing you to giggle. 

“Yes, but where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise! I can’t tell you now.”

“Why?” You asked sadly, earning a hearty laugh from him.

“Come on! Let’s not waste time!” He said as he took your house keys from you gently and proceeded to help you lock your door for you. 

Both of you began to make your way down and to his sports bike. You kept your focus on the routes he was taking, noticing that you were heading further out of town. After about 30 minutes of riding, he finally pulls up into a parking lot but what made you gasp was the huge amusement park that sat right next to the parking lot.  Once he managed to park his bike at one of the lots, both of you got down only for you to squeak in excitement.

“Oh my gosh! This is amazing! How did you know about this place, Bin?” You asked as he giggled at how cute you were when you got all excited. 

“Sungie told me about this place a while back. So I thought I’d check it out with you.” He smiled, to which you hugged him.

“I’m so excited! I can’t wait to ride the viking!” You said as your inner child was unleashed. You easily slipped your hand into his and soon began to head towards the ticketing counter with him. You spent the next hour going to different game booths, riding the rides that were available, getting carnival snacks during your break time. Everything was perfect and you couldn’t have asked for a better person to experience this with. 

Right before you called it a night, Changbin asked if you wanted to go on the ferris wheel that overlooks the city. You easily nodded, knowing you’ve always loved seeing the city lights. While you were entering the small glass container, you didn’t realize Changbin was a few steps behind but he managed to join you before the container rose from the platform. Once the doors were closed, the two of you sat on the bench and talked about the stuffed animal he won for you.

Minutes ticked by without you realizing that you were almost nearing the top of the ferris wheel. Just as you glanced up to look ahead, the wheel stopped moving and you began to panic.

“Oh shit. Oh shit! Shit! Shit! Why did it stop? Omg are we in trouble?” You rushed through your words as you walked over to the door to see what was going on downstairs. Your mind was flooded with negative thoughts, completely unaware of his voice calling your name calmly. It wasn’t until you felt soft hands resting on your waist that you finally snapped out of your train of thoughts and soon turned around to meet him.

“Hey? Hey… Relax… We’re okay, I promise. I was the one who asked the man to stop the wheel once we’re up here.” He said while gently caressing your sides. You let out a heavy sigh before slapping his chest softly.

“You idiot! You almost got me crying!” You whined at him in which he couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m so sorry. I just… wanted a few more minutes with you alone with the best view we could get.” He said, hands linking with yours while he began to walk you towards the front of the glass container to get a better view of the city. Once you are there, Changbin turns you around to gently press your back against the glass. His hands sliding around your waist perfectly. You rested your hands on his broad chest, feeling yourself smile upon seeing his gaze fall on your lips. 

Changbin slowly began to lean in, getting closer and closer to your face until you felt his soft lips brush over your own, dangerously close. He reaches up to hold your face gently with one hand only to hear him whisper quietly to you, “Can I kiss you?”

That was all you needed to hear from him.

So without replying to him verbally, you simply nodded and he smiled. Changbin caressed your cheek with his thumb as he pushes his head forward so gently to let his lips touch yours.

Your heart was rapidly beating in your chest while he kissed you sweetly. Your mind was relaxed, your heart was content. Your fear of never being able to find love again, faded into dust for he had proven to you that there is someone for everyone on this earth. Changbin gave you strength and courage to move forward. He has been there for you right from the start. He was there for you when you were at your lowest and he was there every single step of the way. Never once did he leave you to go through the process on your own.

So when he pulled away from you, he kept his face close to you. Soft touches to your cheek as if he was afraid of letting you go.

“I love you. Will you be my girlfriend?” He asked, making your heart jump out of your chest. 

“Of course… And Changbin?”

“Yes, my love?”

You smiled at the nickname he chose for you, making you shy.

“I love you too.” You confessed as he smiled and kissed you again. Changbin was probably the best thing that’s ever happened to you so far and you wouldn’t trade him for anyone else.