#and this is me doing an unkindness to myself

[unluckyservice4]

Huh.

For myself, I remember my parents being decent, but not exactly...present. They were very busy most of the time, though they weren't unkind to me. My mother did spend more time with me than father, but she also tended to keep me with nannys and servants for the most part. I do remember preferring to be clean, but there weren't really too many kids my age to interact with, at least when I was that young. It's all sort of a blur to me now.

I remember going to a lot of parties that were very boring and generally being the only child there of my age group. There were other kids, i think, but they were older, and tended to avoid me for reasons I don't actually know even today. Maybe they just thought I'd be underfoot, though if I recall all the adults around me kept saying I was a fairly well behaved child.

....Clearly they didn't see what I got up to at home, haha.

............Probably for the best not even my parents learned about that.

Um. What about...after losing them? Did you end up in a foster home or did they leave you to be raised by the staff? That's sort of what happened to me. I became a ward of the state and they just. Mostly left me to my own devices. Eventually it was just me in the mansion...until I moved out on my own. Hope's peak was nice for that at least, no giant empty house to live in.

Did you get to second base yet?

Define “second base” because Google’s definition is not doing me any favours.

[broodygaming]

"TOXIC positivity for thinking it’s normal to, idk, enjoy the shows you watch."

no, toxic positivity is when a fandom can't take criticism and makes insular bubbles where they harass anyone who falls out of love with a thing or strawmans two different points into one so they can sound smart and win a shower argument.

y'know, like you did when you conflated the railroading and aimless arguments. :/

What’s a shower argument?

Haha wild. Anyways. Still don’t get ppl who have time to hate the things they watch. Seems really sad. Sorry ur in such a place. Hope you learn to love yourself more than that at some point.

[asurrogateblog]

The Syd Poll

the topic of this poll is one that is frequently avoided in the pink floyd fandom, but inevitably one we all consider – our individual views on what we think caused syd's psychological struggles (and by extension, led to his departure from the band). I think that – at least in this neighborhood of tumblr – this is a conversation we are capable of having in a way that is civil, nuanced, and at least minimally disrespectful to syd.

So, to help facilitate this, here are some ground rules:

let's all assume we have a mutual understanding of the complexities of this. syd could never actually be reduced down to a poll, and all of our viewpoints are limited in various ways

the poll options just serve as just a conversation starter, and responses are not necessarily a statement of absolute beliefs

feel free to discuss as much or as little of your own perspective as you feel comfortable sharing.

in the case that debates break out, please try to assume good intent – and also demonstrate it (unless, for instance, someone is being blatantly insulting beyond a misunderstanding that needs correcting)

please do NOT vote if you are not actually a pink floyd fan with at least basic knowledge about what we're talking about here.

The options I've included below are not meant to be exhaustive, they are simply the "theories" that I have seen most commonly circulated. I have also decided not to include combinations. I'm fairly sure we'd all agree multiple factors were involved. Rather than make the poll too complicated, I ask you to instead select the one that you think is the "most" important to your viewpoint, and clarify further in your tags/comments as you wish.

so. here we go.

READ BEFORE VOTING ^^^^

(note of correction: "late-onset schizophrenia" should just be "schizophrenia". the typical timeline for onset of symptoms is late adolescence/early adulthood, so syd would've been well within that period at the time)

[aropride]

this post was a game changer for me. thank you ryan reynolds

[angelmush]

the other day i walked around the golden lake w my love and the sun was setting hot and orange and we watched a brown duck preening through the weeds, ducking her head under the dark water. the cool lake swallowed up my tired feet to the ankles and we counted the dog walkers with their curly panting doodles and their handsome german shepherds and their whip smart little terriers and we admired the careful construction of a sand castle whose moat held determinedly against the lapping of the waves. we could feel in our chests the persistent thunderous thumping of celebratory music at the finish line of the lakeside 5k, welcoming each gasping runner across its bounds. and i felt like crying. i felt like curling into myself and crying. we walked through the swamp of the bird sanctuary afterwards and listened to the woods sing and croak and groan and then we went and got ube and yuzu gelato and devoured it suntired and sweating on the couch in our living room. and i was so overcome w a deep and true unshakeable happiness and a sort of confused grief that i wanted to sob and sob and sob.

[itshomobirb]

my therapist, during our last session, asked me what would happen if i put up boundaries between my parents and i. like saying "that's a personal question" if my mother started asking invasive questions.

so i tried it. told her "that's a personal question" when she asked "it seems like you're not drinking as much water lately. are you?"

ladies and gentlemen. besties and brothers of the jury. from the woman who tracks my bowel movements and rifles through my trash and monitors the cameras for every time i leave the house, we got the oh so glorious response of, "oh geez, borb. *really?* you treat us like we're strangers. this is not how you used to be. 😒"

[mrpuzzle]

TW Sexual Assault.

For the consideration of many folks safety. If any of this stuff triggers or this topic makes you uncomfortable, I would highly reccomend to ignore this post. Your mental heath and safety is a priority. I wish yall to take care of yourselves during this journey of those affected.

This is my experience as a survivor myself being someone who experienced that specific trauma while in a relationship. There is still guilt in my mind, but I been going to therapy to become kinder to myself.

Thank you take care.

Part 1/?

“I drew you for comfort and I wrote you for comfort”

[cesium-sheep]

singing used to be as easy as breathing but I guess breathing isn't fucking easy anymore either.

I still don't feel death on my shoulder just yet, but I do kind of feel like it might as well be, as I think the only thing keeping it away is having crushed myself down so small I've nearly disappeared. it's scary and miserable, even if I'm not in that much physical pain right now. like. I don't feel like I'm actively dying yet this time, I just feel like I might as fucking well be. (or maybe I already am and just haven't fully put it together cuz I can't fucking think either.)

[giantkillerjack]

Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.

And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.

I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.

But do you know what I found?

I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,

I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.

Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:

I was worth talking to when I was quiet.

I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.

So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.

You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.

(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)

[skuntank]

Aware that my interpretation of Diantha keeps getting a little meaner over time and I want to do something abt that. It is 1000% to do with my own self-perception shit and I realize that but even if she struggles, and has weird emotional problems like I do, and has been built up to be a very complex character in my head, I do not want to see her as a mean person bc she isn't.

[sunshineler]

.

[herbofgraceandpeace]

not sure my boss knows how to handle that I am. anxious. at all times? So. There’s that

[sugaggukkie]

i love to come here once every 10 years and post something no one cares about and then disappearing again BUT. this year ive allowed myself to read a total of three (3) WIPs and all three (3) of them are currently suspended indefinitely hfkfhfkehdkehfkrhkfkdk

[monstermp3]

.

[malwarewolf404]

I had dieting fads and lately I got to thinking I should try limiting my portions to around the size of two baseballs (because I heard somewhere that’s generally how big a meal should be???) and while I want to say its been making me more mindful of how much I usually eat, I’m just hungry. I’m so hungry. And now Idk if I can eat a meal without feeling like a fatass.

[matchinacrocus]

Accept the grace and kindness for yourself that you are so happy to grant to others.