#and this is drunk. . . on purpose?
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beergutgainer ¡ 1 month ago
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Well… I’m so so close to 250 lbs… can you URPPP tell???
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ryuubff ¡ 2 months ago
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waiter more drunken marchie please
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oacest ¡ 1 month ago
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noel: "that is the best advert for alcohol i've ever seen in me life." liam [gibberishly]: "it's not, don't believe him." (x)
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duckduckbear ¡ 8 months ago
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Drunk in a Monday. I need to be drunk more.
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princess-munchies ¡ 5 months ago
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I have zero manners lately~
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I have zero manners lately~
My roommate has been making a lot of comments about my lack of manners lately. I’ve been getting fatter and honestly, I’ve let myself go. I burp and pass gas mindlessly, and it’s happening more and more often. I know I should be embarrassed, but I can’t help it… it’s so hot to see how slobby I’m getting. 🍔💨
Every time I let out a loud burp or a fart, I can see the mix of shock and fascination on his face, and it just makes me want to do it more. The bigger I get, the less I care, and the more I love it. I’ve fully embraced being a slobby mess, and I’m loving every second of it. 💕
Someone should come make me worse~ 💖🥵
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need-mass ¡ 7 months ago
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Being bloated full of beer makes me horny
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christakisbang ¡ 1 year ago
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Ah~ My Little Brother. Thanks for always being there for me! Promise to always be by your side too! I'll never leave ya~
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obese-belly-adventure ¡ 13 days ago
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Any problems reaching your dick?
Oh, for sure. I can reach it, but I have to squeeze my fat. It complicates things when I need to guide it with my hands. Overall, sex becomes tricky. Not only can I not enter properly, but I also end up crashing the partner with my belly. It usually only works if they’re really drunk and don’t mind.
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corsairspade ¡ 2 months ago
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Halenthir scenario where they get married for tax benefits (in a platonic good friends sort of way) and fall in love long distance via sending each other letters with ideas on how to best leverage their marriage for tax evasion.
#Haleth has never paid taxes before moving to brethil#And is FUMING about the idea. So she sends a letter to Caranthir who mentioned something about *evading* taxes#In this setting I guess they part on good friendship terms#She visits him for a crash course in tax evading and they get drunk and someone mentions marriage giving you tax benefits#They wake up the next day and decide “you know what. Let’s actually get married for tax evasion purposes. It would be hilarious”#Up to you whether they get married in the elven way or just in the human way#Haleth fucks off back to brethil with a bunch of gifts from Caranthir like “bye bestie” and he’s like “👍. Bye bestie.”#And they strike up a proper correspondence#Because they’re married obviously#not because they’re having fun talking about loopholes in the tax code#That would be ridiculous. Obviously they are writing each other erotica.#All of Caranthir’s brothers find out because Caranthir ticks married on his tax return#Maglor voice: YOU GOT MARRIED? AND YOU DIDNT INVITE US?#Caranthir voice: It was pretty low-key. Now tell me. Did Fingolfin cry upon seeing how I leveraged my marriage for tax concessions.#Literally all his brothers: various sounds of sudden realisation this is a tax scheme#half of them don’t even believe haleth is a real person. She might have just been made up for tax reasons#Obviously this leads to a comedy of errors and classic finwean snooping#at one point Haleth hits one of Caranthir’s (half) cousins with a shovel for snooping#claims her name isn’t haleth (despite all her people calling her Haleth) and dares them to call her out on it#they can’t btw she is terrifying#silmarillion#the silmarillion#tolkien#caranthir#morifinwe#haleth of the haladin
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hugebellyhoglover ¡ 25 days ago
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Uncle John.
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beergutgainer ¡ 19 days ago
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Tight shirt & 10 beers?! = the perfect combination 🍻🐷
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comikadraws ¡ 6 months ago
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Itachi's Age
Itachi's age in canon is quite a weird topic. Mostly because Kishimoto messed up the timeline completely with contradictory information scattered literally everywhere. And also because the anime changed him to resemble an adult. Depending on the source, Itachi could've been anywhere from 11 to 13 years old during the massacre. Now let's take a closer look.
The exact sources (as well as elaborations) are in the image descriptions. Pluses between panels mean that the panels do not belong next to each other. Slight edits here and there!
Follow-Up Post with a Timeline for Itachi's Life
Sasuke's age during the massacre
First of all, since many people seem to get this one wrong, Sasuke's age during the massacre is confirmed to be 7 years old. This is the only information we have for placing the night of the massacre on the timeline.
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Databooks
The databooks will consistently put Sasuke and Itachi at a 5-year gap. Itachi is born on June 9th and Sasuke is born on July 23rd. Using this information, Itachi would have been 12-13 years old during the massacre.
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Kakashi's Statement
Next up is Kakashi. He states that Itachi was 13 years old when he became a squad captain at ANBU. This information matches the one from the databooks and implies that Itachi got promoted in the short timespan of less than two months between his own birthday and the Uchiha massacre.
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Sasuke's Memories
Now, looking at the manga, things are getting a little more tricky.
First of all, since this is very important for pinpointing the characters' ages, Japanese schools start the school year in April. The children who start school are aged 6. While this is not stated outright by the manga, it matches fairly well with later established information from the manga.
The Waves Arc takes place during Spring. So Genin must graduate/start in Spring as well (further elaboration in the image description).
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And we know that Itachi began the Academy at age 6. So it is probably the starting age for all children in Konoha.
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But now we run into our first issue just by puzzling together the timeline utilizing chapters 220-224. As explained in Sasuke's flashbacks, Itachi became Chunin at age 10. At some point, 6 months after that, he joins ANBU - which coincides with Sasuke's first day at the Academy which is most likely in April.
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The problem here is the characters' birthdays.
6 months before April was October. Since Itachi's birthday is in June, he could not have turned 11 in that time frame. In other words, Itachi is still 10 years old when he joins ANBU. And since Sasuke is still 6 years old at that point in time, that puts Itachi and Sasuke at an age gap of 4 years as opposed to 5. Consequently, during the massacre (when Sasuke was 7) Itachi would have been 11-12 years old.
This would also be a much better match for Sasuke's depiction in chapter 402. Here, an Academy-aged Itachi (6-7 years old) is playing with his brother. Sasuke would be 2-3 years old rather than 1-2.
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We now know that the databook information does not match Sasuke's flashbacks on multiple accounts and it's either because of their alleged ages, their birthdays, or both.
But Now Which One Is Correct?
The answer to that one is: We don't know. Kishimoto didn't pay a lot of attention to his timeline and Itachi is the biggest victim of that. But we can guess.
Right now, the databooks are contradicting the manga. One solution to this problem can be found in the novels. In "Itachi Shinden: Book of Dark Night" (chapter 6, part 2) in a conversation between Danzo and Hiruzen, we learn that Itachi was aged up on paper to lead an ANBU squad.
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While the timelines are not a perfect match (for example, the novels state Itachi to be 11 years old during his promotion to ANBU), this is a plausible explanation for the discrepancy: The databooks might just reflect the information considered "official" or "known" in-universe.
The databooks would remain (mostly) accurate in this regard. It would explain the 4-year gap between Sasuke and Itachi from the manga. It would explain the memory from chapter 402. It would explain why Kakashi thinks that Itachi was 13 during his promotion. It would even explain height inconsistencies between manga Itachi and databook Itachi, knowing the data was messed with.
In conclusion: Itachi was likely 11-12 years old during the massacre. Furthermore, this means he was 16-17 during part 1 of Naruto and 20 at the time of his death.
If you're interested in a visualization of Itachi's life in a timeline, check out my follow-up post.
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duckduckbear ¡ 8 months ago
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5 beers and a bottle of peach Bellini because I’m fancy.
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glitradora ¡ 4 months ago
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Do you think the writters of Wandee Goodday sat down with the specific goal of making this hospital feel like an American Highschool™ or do you think it was an accident
Like these motherfuckers had:
Prom/Home coming
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WITH homecoming king(s) prize for YakDee
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they had the #mean nurse gang (ft. Dr.Ter the popular asshole)
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they end this shit with Dee winning his?? best doctor award/scholarship which come with... a crown?!
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And then giving what is basicly a valedictorian speech?
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Like was it on purpose?! THIS IS A MEDICAL FACILITY WHAT ARE YALL DOING
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ashintheairlikesnow ¡ 8 months ago
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ash i love vince so much he is my number 2 babygirl (antoni number 1 babygirl forever)
i would like to formally request some vince having a Bad Time, either past stuff with owen or present with recovery being a bitch
because there is nothing better than lovely characters having bad times that they absolutely do not deserve
CW: Alcoholism, withdrawal/cravings, alcoholic anger, Vince and Jameson both PTSD-ing all over the place, guilt
Oh, poor Vince. Takes place post-the Same Bed Arc, after Vince is living with Nat and Jameson.
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Vince doesn't even look up when he hears Jameson stop in the doorway. He just pours a few shots worth of the gin into the glass, staring fixedly down at it. The liquid, clear as water but with the herbal scent washing over him like a welcome spring rain, spreads over the ice with those gentle cracks he knows better than his own heartbeat.
God, it looks good.
His hands don't shake, now. His heart doesn't race. He doesn't feel sweaty, or upset, or like he'll be sick.
He just feels like he's staring at the solution to all his problems, and all he has to do is swallow it down.
This should feel awful - he knows it should. It should taste awful, there should be something to remind him of the damage he does to himself every time he drinks again. He should hear his sponsor speaking in the back of his mind, he should hear the voices of the others at the meetings he goes to - one for alcoholism, one for survivors of sexual assault, twice a week there's movie star Vincent goddamn Shield among the normal people and admitting he's barely human, just a wreck that only survived Owen Grant because Nat decided she gave a fuck about him for reasons Vince still doesn't understand.
Here he stands, a hollow shell wearing a nice face who let someone else suffer in his place and was grateful for it for far too long.
Kauri hates him but it's nothing compared to how much he hates himself.
Vince lifts the glass, hesitating at the last second with the cool rim just touching his lower lip. Gin smells like blacking out and right now he could use the blessed darkness, hangover be damned.
He can worry about that when the headache kicks in tomorrow morning.
He realizes he's waiting for the sickening crawl of guilt at letting Nat down, at-... at letting himself down. Maybe that will come later, but right now... He feels goddamn good. Settled. Calm.
He and Jameson meet eyes just as he tosses the drink back, three large swallows of juniper-scented gin down his throat like water, leaving only the ice cubes behind.
The burn is perfect.
He pours himself another drink, feeling the warmth slowly spread through his chest to his shoulders, eyes briefly closing. God, it feels like goddamn heaven.
He looks up.
Jameson is still standing there in the doorway, looking oddly soft in a loose sweater that's far too big for him and a pair of old jeans that probably cost a dollar at a yard sale and even that was too much. Vince has jeans that distressed, somewhere.
His cost more than five hundred dollars.
He chokes on the next drink from trying not to laugh.
Jameson's eyes narrow. "What the fuck are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Vince takes another sip, eyes half-closed, letting himself take it slow this time and really enjoy the taste.
He'd honestly been surprised the little liquor store down the block even carried this brand of gin. Not that he wouldn't have bought whatever he could get, when he stood there feeling like he would die if he had to go another day, but still. It's nice to have seen his favorite stuff, top shelf, pricier than it had any right to be. It's not even that good, but it's still his favorite. It still tastes, to him, like the nights he sleeps without nightmares, few and far between.
Gin tastes like those nights he gets to sleep at all.
The cashier had looked surprised as she wiped off the dust and rang it up for him. Then, with a shy smile, she'd asked him if anyone ever told him he looked a lot like Vincent Shield. He'd been kind of sad she didn't card him - it would have been nice to see the look on her face when she saw his name.
Instead, he paid in cash, laughed, and told her the standard I get that a lot, actually.
Jameson doesn't move closer, or leave. "It looks like you're fucking yourself up," He says, lingering in the doorway. "You can't just start drinking again. You know that, right?"
"Oh, I sure as hell can." Vince laughs, but it's a bitter sound. He licks the gin lingering on his lips, then gestures at the bottle. "Have some with me."
He's caught, for just a moment, when he sees Jameson wearing an expression Vince has never seen on him before. He looks... nervous. Afraid, almost, instead of angry.
"I-I don't want to," Jameson says, but there's a way he says it that makes Vince think he'd drink if he offers again. Maybe he wants to, or maybe he just doesn't want to make Vince mad.
If he commanded it, if he gave an order... Jameson would be as he's told, wouldn't he? Damn, that would be some power to have over someone.
This must be why Owen liked it so much.
No.
He won't think about Owen right now.
Vince gulps down liquid until he's breathless, almost panting. The warmth is like the familiar cradle of a softer reality settling in. He makes himself slow down this time, picking up an ice cube and sucking the juniper taste right off it before crunching it with his teeth.
"Vince." Jameson's voice gets harsher, and something seems to break his brief paralysis. He moves closer, grabbing the bottle and pulling it away when Vince puts a hand out to pour the third drink. "Fucking... look at me. What the fuck?"
Vince's hand just... hangs out there, reaching for a bottle that isn't where it was. He stares at the empty space, and feels that dark inside of him threaten to well up yet again. "What?"
Jameson swallows, his eyes moving to the glass, back to Vince's face. He steps backwards, and Vince watches the bottle go with him with a piercing need that could easily knock him off his feet if he weren't holding onto the back of a chair. Jameson clears his throat. "Aren't you... like, sober now?"
"Mmmn. Was. Got the like... three month chip thing and everything." He's gotten thoroughly wasted so many times in his life. Nothing relaxes him better than enough alcohol to force his body to stop living in constant, unending fear of who might hurt him next. "Right now, I am tipsy instead. In about an hour, I'm going to be absolutely fucked up. Give me back my gin."
Jameson's hand moves - then he jerks it back, taking a few steps backwards until he's back in the doorway. His eyes are on Vince's face, watching him with a total focus that Vince recognizes from the others he's worked with over the years - Jameson's just a trained pet, in this moment, watching to see if the master will be angry.
It makes him laugh again, more bitterly this time. Is he the master? Has he ever been his own master, let alone anyone else's?
"I... I can't do that," Jameson says, and Vince hears that he doesn't say no. When Vince moves towards him, he backs up a little more, and Vince comes to a stop just a foot or so away.
"Am... am I scaring you?" He asks, suddenly.
It wasn't what he meant to say, he meant to demand his drink again. Instead, this question that... that just sort of falls out of him like a waterfall.
Jameson's jaw sets and his eyes narrow. "You're not doing shit to me," He snaps, but Vince knows he's really saying yes.
Is this why people buy pets? So they can see something pretend not to be scared, and know they're the monster not just under the bed, but in it?
"Oh," He whispers. "What is it? Why are you scared? I'm just a drunk asshole, why are you scared of me?"
Jameson bristles, but then he offers - as if it's pulled out of him against his will - the softest explanation. "Brute and Robert got drunk all the time. I know what happens when-... when people get this kind of drunk."
There's a look in his eyes Vince has seen before in Kauri's. Not fear of him, not directly, but fear of someone like him, maybe. Fear of having demands made that can't be denied.
Is this how Owen felt, every time Kauri had to playact the loving boyfriend with bruises on his wrists and terror making his heart race? Is this how it feels to have power over somebody else when you can't even control yourself?
It's... it's good, almost.
It feels better than he thought it would.
"Back up, Shield," Jameson hisses, like a cat spitting and arching its back, ready to attack with claws and sharp teeth not because it's confident in victory but because it's so small it has to fight to have even the slightest chance to survive.
Vince looks him over, reading with an actor's expertise how he's projecting a confident swagger he never feels, how the irritation layers itself so carefully over a vulnerability that he sees as weakness. Vince has lived that way, too, since he was twenty-one, since his best friend turned out to be a rapist who wanted Vince to himself, since he started drinking to forget every single night and putting on the perfect face during his days.
They both survived, didn't they?
Jameson just did it by fighting his way out, and Vince by pretending to be someone he wasn't until nobody knew who he actually was, and that's a way of surviving, too. Wear another face, and make sure no one sees the fear in your real one, so they can't refuse to help you... because you've never asked.
"No." At least one of them can say it. Although that makes Vince's heart twist with ugly guilt, the petty cruelty of the thought. "Give me my gin," Vince says, pitching his voice low, and holds out his hand. "Now, Jameson. Give it to me."
"I can't." The strength is gone from Jameson's voice, and he looks at Vince with those dark eyes searching his own, trying to make himself understood. "If you drink, your-... your body's not used to it anymore, if you drink the same amount you'll fucking kill your stupid liver."
"What do you care about my liver?" Vince's voice drops low, almost a whisper. "What do you care about me, about my goddamn joke of a life, huh? What the fuck do you care? Why should anyone care?"
There's a flicker of something in Jameson's eyes - recognition, maybe. Something that lights up, just for a second, before the other man shoves Vince to the side with sudden violent strength and stalks to the sink, turning the bottle over and pouring that expensive artisan gin right down the drain.
"No!" Vince's voice is a ragged shout as he lunges after him, but it's too little too late.
Jameson's foot kicks out and slams into Vince's calf, sending him stumbling, clawing desperately as the gin is gone, glug glug glug, down into the pipes, disappearing towards the ocean.
Rage and terror fight in Vince's mind in a sudden white noise and he gets to his feet, grabbing Jameson by the arms and squeezing as hard as he can, shoving him back across the room. He hears Jameson hit one of the chairs, the clatter of wood and Jameson's grunt of pain as both hit the ground hard. The bottle is in the sink, and even when Vince scrambles to pick it back up, there's less than an inch of gin left.
He sucks it down, and only once he's gotten that final drop does he suddenly go still.
Oh.
There's the guilt and the horror and feeling sick at himself, just... twenty minutes too late. He sets the empty bottle carefully down, and then turns slowly around to look at Jameson.
Jameson sits on the kitchen floor, staring up at him with wide eyes. His face is pale, making the scar that twists the corner of his mouth stand out even more. His hair is nearly grown back in now, the bald patches hidden by the rest.
Vince exhales in a rush. "Oh, hell. Jameson-" He holds out a hand.
Jameson flinches.
Vince pulls his hand back, backing up until his back hits the edge of the sink. "Right. Okay. I'm-... I'm sorry Jameson-"
"Yeah." Jameson's voice is gruff, all the vulnerability and fear wiped away as soon as he realizes it's showing. He gets to his feet, shoulders protectively hunched, arms crossed in front of himself defensively. "Whatever. Sure you are. Drink yourself to death, shitbag, if that's what you want."
"I'm so sorry."
Jameson's jaw works. "... Everybody's always sorry. Then I get fucking hit again." Then he turns and walks - limps, really, his knees threatening to give out with every step - away. Vince stands there, frozen, listening as he makes his slow, painful way up the stairs.
Vince stares at the place he was for a while - he isn't sure how long. The gin is sinking its velvet claws into his mind, and he's drunker than he should be after only two drinks.
But then, it's been months.
Months, he made it without taking even a sip.
He swallows, again and again, and then pulls his cell phone out of his pocket, finds a contact, and presses the button to make the call.
The phone rings until he's certain it'll go to voicemail, before a voice he knows as well as his own is in his ear.
"What the hell do you want?"
"I-I need to talk to you," He stammers, his heart cold. "Please. Please. I-I've been drinking. I need... I need help."
There's a pause.
"From... me?"
"Yeah... yeah. You'll-... I need somebody who won't be nice to me-"
"Oh, well, if there's anything I love it's the chance to be mean to you, let me drop my entire life to come listen to you whine about yours."
"Please."
An exhale. "Whatever. Yeah, okay. I'll be over there in like... half an hour? An hour, maybe. Drink some water and I'll be there as soon as I can. Don't leave the house."
"Thanks... thank you, Kauri."
Kauri hangs up.
Vince pours himself a glass of water over the leftover gin-soaked ice, sipping it, barely flavored with a hint of the liquor he wants so badly. He rights the chair he'd accidentally shoved Jameson into, and listens to the creaking floorboards and muffled cursing above him as Jameson makes his halting painful way from stairway to his room, a couple thumps when he clearly falls and had to force himself back upright, until the pacing abruptly stops when he must have collapsed into his bed.
He hears the gentle patting of Trash Cat's paws as she leaves her place on the living room couch and follows him, too, her soft meowing until Jameson opens his door to let her come in after him. Then silence again.
Vince sits back down at the table, leaning over with his head in his hand, staring as the ice slowly melts, cooling the water around it.
He should have called his sponsor instead.
Whatever Kauri is about to say can only make this worse.
But he deserves it, anyway.
Vince doesn't move a muscle until he hears the sound of Jake's truck pulling into the driveway, crunching briefly over gravel before it's on the pavement again, when he raises his head.
Kauri walks in without knocking, stops in the doorway to the kitchen, and looks at him like his younger self ashamed of what he's grown into. Vince knows Jake must have driven him, but he's nowhere to be seen - maybe just staying outside, for now. He's clearly dressed for bed in a matching navy blue silk button-up and pajama pants, barefoot even.
"Hey," Vince says, weakly. The alcohol feels like poison now, not the soothing warmth it had been before. "I... I fucked up, Kauri."
"Yeah, I can tell just by looking at you, you're a goddamn mess." Kauri looks at Vince head-on, even though it still hurts him to do it, and Vince can see the flinch he suppresses as the headache kicks in. His blue eyes are identical to Vince's in nearly every way, except that Kauri's gaze has always been stronger. "What the hell did you do?"
"I got... I drank."
"Yep. I can see the gin bottle. Did you drink all of it?" Kauri's voice is flat and businesslike. It's like having his own younger self dressing him down, and somehow that feels... really good. Better than he thought it would.
"... No. Just a couple drinks. Jameson poured the rest out."
"Good for him." Kauri flickers a smile. "Where is he?"
"I-... I scared him."
"... you scared him?"
"Yeah. I was-... I wasn't-... I didn't mean to, but-"
"Shut up. All right. Tell me what you did. I'll fix it. This time, taking your place so I suffer for years while you run off and become obscenely wealthy is off the table, got it?"
Vince looks at him in horror only to see a surprising warmth in Kauri's smile. Not... not affection, but something like it. A wry compassion, maybe. Something else he doesn't deserve. "I don't know. I don't know if I can fix this, Kauri. I don't know."
"Well... I happen to the resident expert in trying to avoid dealing with your problems while making them all worse, so talk to me. Tell me what you did, start to finish. We'll figure out what comes next."
Vince lowers his head into his arms.
"Thank you," He says, muffled.
"Not enough thanks in the world, dumbass. Lucky for you I'm an amazing person who just happens to have spent most of my twenties making stupid drunk mistakes. So stop stalling and start talking."
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@finder-of-rings @endless-whump @arlin-always-writing @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @whumpyourdamnpears @cubeswhump  @whump-tr0pes @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @outofangband @hackles-up @grizzlie70 @mylifeisonthebookshelf @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @autophagay
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fear-no-mort ¡ 2 months ago
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thinkign about how alone and unloved morty was for all his life and rick was the first time anyobdy ever put such an amount of intense attention and dependency onto him . and rick had a whole new family and losing them made him stop seeing the value in other people as a whole and morty was the one and first thing that woke him up
#really long Tag rant down there#one of the most Things Ever about them to me is how morty barely even understands just how much rick loves him. more than anything#and its something ricks done on purpose hes made sure of it#because hes so weak he cant handle it#them being together is agony in avsolutely every way and sense but also theyre the best part of eachothers lives#morty because nobodys payed attention to him quite like rick has and all the exciting space adventures and rick just cause. he literally#just likes him thats it. and he never knew it#also i was thinking of this earlier. one of the reasons season 1 is soooo good to me is cuz you get to see morty grow on rick in real time#stuff like that moment where morty walks through the door and rick is instantly at the sight of him SUPER excited and he goes hey!!! but#then he clears his throat and goes Hey trying to pretend like this dumb scaredy kid isnt becoming his favourite thing hes ever known day af#er day#and goddamn night shaym aliens. in that moment where he realised morty had been fake the whole time i rlly wonder what he was thinking and#how he felt. like. oh man this is messing with me way too much this is Bad#and then he got drunk over it and yknow. that . is it post credits. i think. that scene#n literally At the Very beginning he was tired n drunk n stupid thinking like man fuck this im gonna blow this place up and do what prime#did to me. But he brought morty with him Even just at that point it flashed in his mind and he absolutely could not bear to let morty die#Breathes in#im rewatching in October bc anniversary month. i literally can’t wait im so actually impatient i considered just doing it today So hard#odiespeak
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