#and this is a SPN holiday/special event

[spnfanficpond]

Weekly Pond Newsletter

It's a holiday weekend in the US, celebrating Labor Day. We seem to be having a year where we are exercising the power of those who do the labor in our world, so Labor Day is extra special. Strikes are happening everywhere in increasing numbers and industries. We here at the Pond support all unions as they fight for fair wages and working conditions! If you're lucky enough to actually have time off for this holiday, we hope you get to relax and enjoy it!

Old Business:

The New Member Spotlight for August - The post is up and you can go check it out and maybe find a new friend! Click here to see the whole list.

The Monthly Prompt for September - Click here for the link to the post! The prompt this month is APPLE PICKING!

Angel Fish Awards are now open to everyone! - In the past, AFA's were only available to Pond members, but this has now changed! You can now nominate ANY fic (SPN or The Winchesters) for an Angel Fish Award! Spread the love far and wide, everyone!!

SPN weekend at the @fanficocean - This weekend is Fishing For Treasures weekend at the Ocean, and they're celebrating SPN fics! Head on over there to get your fill of fantastic fics! In two weeks, the Pond will be celebrating fics from all fandoms EXCEPT Supernatural and The Winchesters! Send us links to your favorite fics from other fandoms via ask or submission to the blog, or dropping a link in the #fishing-for-treasures channel in the discord server. We accept links for EVERYONE, whether you are a member or not, for fics written by ANYONE, member or not! There is no limit!!

Blog updates - Admin Michelle is still working behind the scenes on new versions of the navigation posts. A couple have already gone up, but the majority have not. In the meantime, if you see any links that are broken or anything that looks wrong, please send a message to @mrswhozeewhatsis!!

Last week's #TweetFicTues prompts -

New Business:

Angel Fish Award celebration - To celebrate that we're now accepting Angel Fish Award nominations from anyone for fics written by anyone, we're giving away THE ENTIRE PRIZE POOL. (Well, we're going to try.) Everyone gets a prize!!! We've only gotten a handful of nominations so far, so pretty much everything in the pool is still up for grabs!! (Shipping is covered, so there is no cost to you, even internationally!) Click here for more details!

Competitive Writing Sprints with Manta Ray Dean - On Thursday, Manta Ray Dean will be hosting some competitive writing sprints in the discord server. Add words to your WIP and earn prizes for it! Be on the lookout for more details closer to the day!

Admin Marie in the discord server - On Friday (Saturday for some), Admin Marie be will hanging out in the discord server, ready to chat about anything and everything. This is a chance to talk to an experienced writer, as well as an admin here at the Pond, to ask questions about writing, Tumblr, or anything Pond-related. The exact time will be announced closer to the day!

Static view of the Pond calendar - We've created a static view of our calendar so you don't have to add it to your Google calendar to see upcoming events. Click here to check it out. The downside to this view is that it can only be viewed in Eastern US/Canada time. You can, however, click on an event and add it to your own Google calendar if you want to! Hopefully, this will enable more people to see everything that's happening in the Pond!

(Divider by @glygriffe!)

That's all for this week! To see all Pond events, and also other SPN-related things like conventions and online concerts, check out our Google calendar! We try to keep it as up to date as possible. If there's something you want to see on the calendar that's not there (maybe a convention we missed, or cast birthdays, or something similar), send us an ASK and let us know!

Hope you have a great week! - From your Admins and Manta Rays, @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @mariekoukie6661, @princessmisery666, @thoughtslikeaminefield, @katbratsupernaturalwhore and @heavenssexiestangel!

[shastafirecracker]

for the trope ask thing, what are your thoughts about: fake dating? historical alternate universe settings? hanahaki?

Fake dating - A+ tier, love it, especially if they’re doing it as friends already or if it’s focused on a specific event (be my date to a wedding/holiday/trip). It’s best as high comedy to me, salted with the flavor-enhancer of pining - if it’s all forlorn then I lose interest because maaan what a waste of a great comedy setup

Historical AU - hmm, C tier, really depends on the author and the amount of thought that went into the historical part. I never have cared for the Victoriana aesthetic so if it’s just an Austen style thing I’ll skip it unless it’s been highly recommended. BUT history is a huge sandbox with so much more than 1880-1920 England in it! If someone’s written something in a period that is clearly their special interest and the research is deliciously crunchy then I’ll read a historical au set pretty much anywhere!

(Caveat that if it’s a Vietnam war au I might also nope out bc I have a low tolerance for Oscar bait in fanfic form and I did read Twist and Shout (SPN) and it did not do it for me)

Hanahaki - rating N/A because you know I don’t think I have ever read a single piece of hanahaki? I will say that conceptually it doesn’t sound interesting to me. I have a mid-range tolerance for pining - I need either plot or communication to happen at SOME point to break things up. And hanahaki sounds like it’s the extreme end of the pining spectrum, so. (Also flavored with a little fuck or die, right? Or at least fulfill the relationship or die? Ehh -waves iffy hand-)

[stripe-conlon]

Coincidentally or on purpose, that time change change does line up with older children who watched Addams family, nightmare before Christmas, Sabrina the teen age witch, and hocus pocus, in their original releases being grown ups and buying houses.

And every year since then it’s the goosebumps crowd, the mom’s got a date with a vampire crowd, the halloweentown crowd, the don’t look under the bed crowd, and the twitches crowd, all just from the Disney channel. You know Disney, the marketing powerhouse. Nickelodeon had their share of halloween specials too. Plus the first Harry Potter book is released in America in 1998 and the first movie in 2001 and despite what many would have you believe on tumblr and in lgbtqia+ spaces, she’s not facing repercussions for her openly TERF and antisemetic behaviour. I see more wizarding world merch than ever.

In 2007 the kid characters of Stranger Things and their real life peers would have been 35, the actress who plays Danni in Hocus Pocus would have been about 25; that’s generally your first time homebuyer age range. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone book came out in 1998 so 9-11 year olds who read it are 18-20 and have the potential to be outlier home buyers from an exterior decoration perspective and first time apartment renters from an interior decoration perspective. There was a sharp increase in interior decorations before the exteriors caught up with their massive figures.

The other thing important about that age range is there’s a lot of undiagnosed neurodivergence going on because they grew up as “latchkey kids” who probably only saw their parents for an hour or two a day. People who may have been quite upset about the generally accepted age cut off for trick or treating. People who would be very willing to throw costume parties and decorate. People who, depending on their neurodivergence, are in the new high paying sector of tech and have money to burn on bigger, more expensive decorations like inflatables and 12 foot skeletons instead of a few strings of light, some pumpkins, a hay bale, and maybe some corn stalks.

2007 is 6 years post-9/11 and 6 years into the “war on terror.” History and psychology shows that mass casualty events of significant cultural impact and war tend to bring out a resurgence in spiritualism, repackaged in the early 2000’s as ghost hunting. Couldn’t change the channel in 07-12 without hitting a ghost hunting tv show, real (Ghost Hunters) or fictional (SPN).

Basically, 2007 marked the start of what seems to be a perfect storm of corporate greed to move into a new holiday.

I sometimes wonder about American Halloween...

It seems to have always been a uniquely American thing -- the way we celebrate it, in America, I mean -- doesn't seem to have parallels in other countries. Even going back to the mid-1800s (when it seems to have started).

And it's ebbed and flowed even in my own lifetime. When I was a kid, it was little more than an excuse for an in-class party with cupcakes in elementary school (the under-12 ages), and trick-or-treating after dinner. Cutting a pair of eye holes out of a sheet and throwing it over your head was a perfectly acceptable costume.

Now, it's on a par with America's over-the-top Christmas (A neighbor across the cul-de-sac from me has a giant jack-o-lantern light setup on their roof). And I can't remember the turning point of when it became so big.

And I wonder what the trigger was. Could it have been (as with so much else in this country) 9/11?

Not that I mind. I like the spoopy, and the whimsy. But I do wonder.

[elizabethrobertajones]

15x10 watching notes

Yes I am physically jittering and shaking with caffeine, no, it’s fine, I’m the main character, there’s no physical limitations to what I can do

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22400713/chapters/67603196

[holylulusworld]

SPN Bingos & Special Collections

Masterlist for all SPN related Bingos & Special Collections

Legend status: ✔ event is finished

Find all Bingos and Special Events from other fandoms here: Special Events

2020 SPN AU BINGO masterlist (expired but ongoing)

2021 SPN AU BINGO masterlist

2021 SPN KINK BINGO masterlist (expired but ongoing)

2022 SPN KINK BINGO masterlist (expired but ongoing)

SPN Kink Events 2023 - 01/02 Bingo

2021 SPN MIXED BINGO masterlist (expired but ongoing)

2021 SPN QUOTE BINGO masterlist ✔

2021 Winchester and Beyond Bingo ✔

2021 SPN A/B/O BINGO masterlist ✔

2022 SPN A/B/O BINGO masterlist (expired but ongoing)

2022 SPN FLUFF BINGO masterlist (expired but ongoing)

2022 Heaven & Hell BINGO masterlist

2021 SPN Christmas Bingo Masterlist (expired but ongoing)

2022 SPN Christmas Bingo Masterlist (expired but ongoing)

2021 J3 Bingo masterlist

2021 SPN Dean Bingo masterlist (expired but ongoing)

Sam Winchester Bingo masterlist

Jeffrey Dean Morgan Mixed Bingo masterlist

Jeffrey Dean Morgan Omegaverse Bingo masterlist

2023 Jacklesverse Bingo masterlist

2024 Jacklesverse Bingo masterlist

2021 WALKER BINGO masterlist

Holidays Specials masterlist

SPN Omegaverse Week Masterlist ✔

SPN Kinky Sam Week Masterlist

Deadly Seven Sins 

Fairytales in a different light

[uhohnotthisagain]

Supernatural

imagines

carryonmywaywardbucky

contains: fluff

one shots

luci-in-trenchcoats

contains: fluff and smut

imagines

luci-in-trenchcoats

contains: fluff and smut

drabbles

luci-in-trenchcoats

contains: fluff

bingos

luci-in-trenchcoats

contains: fluff and smut

imagines

evansrogerskitten

contains: smut

imagines and drabbles etc

justanotherfangirl-writer

contains: fluff

imagines

Supernatural Desires

contains: fluff

imagines

deaan

contains: fluff

imagines

ladyofmaidensandwine

contains: fluff and smut

may 2018 imagines

luci-in-trenchcoats

contains: fluff

june 2018 imagines

luci-in-trenchcoats

contains: fluff

july 2018 imagines

luci-in-trenchcoats

contains: fluff

august 2018 imagines

luci-in-trenchcoats

contains: fluff

september 2018 imagines

luci-in-trenchcoats

contains: fluff

imagines

watermelon lipstick

contains: fluff and smut

imagines + jp ja

contains: a variety of smut with dean, sam, castile, john, jensen and jared

imagines

hollylulus-world

contains: fluff

imagines

little-diable

contains: fluff

imagines

spn-imagines-feels

contains: fluff

babysitter for one night - dw

Bobby asks his mechanic to take care of his goddaughter…

Bratty reader

contains: smut

imagines

sofreddie

contains: fluff and smut

imagines

winsister91

contains: fluff and smut

dean imagines

samdeancass

contains: fluff and smut

sam imagines

samdeancass

contains: fluff and smut

jack imagines

samdeancass

contains: fluff

imagines

squirrel-moose-winchester

contains: fluff

imagines

i-dream-of-plaid

contains: fluff and smut

sam

winchest09

contains: smut

dean

winchest09

contains: fluff and smut

imagines

hoboal87

contains: smut and fluff

jensen ackles

let-me-luve-you

contains: fluff

jared padalecki

let-me-luve-you

contains: fluff

imagines

caps headquarters

contains: fluff

bingo

caps headquarters

contains: fluff

imagines

imaginesfordifferentfandoma

contains: fluff

christmas imagines

spnskinnyballs

contains: fluff

dean

spnskinnyballs

contains: fluff

dean

jensengirl83

contains: fluff

sam

jensengirl83

contains: fluff

jensen

jensengirl83

contains: fluff

imagines

spnwrites

contains: fluff

janneel x reader - 1 2 3 4 5 6

A cheating scandal emerges via the tabloids, pitting Y/N L/N against her lovers Jensen and Danneel. She expects them not to believe the rumours; she soon learns to keep her expectations low.

contains: fluff and smut

imagines

bamby0304

contains: fluff and smut

imagines

mersuperwholocked-lowlife

contains: fluff

imagines

jensenswinchester

contains: fluff

imagines

tvdspngirl314

contains: fluff

imagines

waddlenut

contains: fluff

imagines

sharonisantisocialimagines

contains: fluff

dean part 1

becs-bunker

contains: fluff and smut

dean part 2

becs-bunker

contains: fluff and smut

dean part 3

becs-bunker

contains: fluff and smut

sam part 1

becs-bunker

contains: fluff and smut

sam part 2

becs-bunker

contains: fluff and smut

deano

blackberrybucky

contains: fluff

Sammy

blackberrybucky

contains: fluff

imagines

chocolatehearts

contains: fluff

angst

covered-byroses

contains: angst

drabbles

covered-byroses

contains: fluff

fluff

covered-byroses

contains: fluff

holiday

covered-byroses

contains: fluff

series

covered-byroses

contains: fluff

smut

covered-byroses

contains: smut

special events

covered-byroses

contains: fluff

spnkinkbingo

covered-byroses

contains: smut

collections

covered-byroses

contains: fluff

dean

percywinchester27

contains: fluff

sam

percywinchester27

gif blurb

percywinchester27

miscellaneous

contains: fluff

imagines

destielsbridesmaid

contains: smut and fluff

imagines

fandomfic-galore

contains: fluff and smut

imagines

firefly-in-darkness

kinktober

herstarburststories

contains: smut

imagines

herstarburststories

contains: smut and fluff

imagines

idabbleincrazy

contains: smut and fluff

imagines

idreamofplaid

contains: smut and fluff

imagines

impalaimagining

contains: smut and fluff

imagines

lenavonschweetz

contains: fluff and smut

imagines

manawhaat

contains: smut and fluff

[thefandomsinhalor]

I’ve never done one of these so, here are my fics! All Spn. All posted on AO3.

Angelic Trickster Over Backstabbing Demons, Every Time 

9K WIP | E | Sabriel | Graphic Depiction of Violence | Canon Divergent | Dark & Angst | Post Season Three | Time Travel |

After Dean is sent to hell, accepting Ruby's offer to take down Lilith appears to be the most productive option for Sam. That is until a tricky visitor shows up.

Dear Temporary Neighbour 

46K | E | Destiel | Neighbours AU | Pining | Fluff and Angst | Miscommunications | Small Towns | *

When Dean needs to remind himself how very much engaged his new summer neighbour is, he grows desperate and infuriated with himself for having fallen for him. If only he knew that Castiel has sought refuge at this charming house by the lake to reflect on certain aspects of his life, notably his engagement.

A Driver Worth His Salt

67K | E | Destiel | Graphic Depiction of Violence | Mafia AU Vibe | Angst | Secret Relationship | * 

The job is simple: drive the passenger a few times a week to yet-undisclosed locations and return with said passenger without fail. Be on time. Be discreet. And never interact with each other outside of work. Once twenty-year-old Dean meets the passenger in question—the sharply dressed and rough-looking Castiel Novak—he finds that abiding by those shady rules may be more complicated than he had anticipated.

The Hunter’s Oath

20K | T | Destiel | Cabin Fic | Fantasy & Supernatural Elements | Celestial Castiel  | Isolation | Winter | Dean and Castiel Have a Profound Bond | Slow Build | Angst | *

Tasked with the important tradition of fulfilling an Oath to a celestial being, Dean is feeling the weight of loneliness more and more, after years of isolation on the mountain. Until one night, he is gifted a surprise: the god himself shows up with the desire to explore their bond for a time.

I Know Who I Am 

3K WIP | Not Rated | Sam Centric | Canon Compliant | Character Study | *

Thriving at Stanford, Sam believes he is finally free to embrace who he really is. But it is easier said than done and his struggle to keep his identity intact is only beginning.

The Impetuous Engagement 

27K | T | Destiel | Cabin AU | Snowed In | Engaged Castiel | Sharing a Bed | Christmas | *

On his way to his fiancé who he met online, Castiel somehow finds himself stuck in a small Alaskan village, cut off from the rest of the world and with no way of reaching him. But Castiel’s fellow passenger, Dean, is very eager to help him with housing, and perhaps something more as well…

Let Your Heart Be Light

WIP |  Not Rated | Destiel | Alternate Universe - Modern Settings | Friends to Lovers | Growing Up | Christmas Fic | Fluff & Angst | Pining | Background Sabriel |

On Christmas Eve, five-year-old Dean meets a boy of the same age, named Castiel. With every passing year, their friendship blossoms, and soon, Dean knows that he is drawn to his friend more deeply he’d like to admit.

The question is: will he do something about it before it’s too late?

The Lucky Pairs of Christmas Underwear 

55K | Not Rated | Destiel & Sabriel | Modern Setting AU | Angst and Fluff | Christmas | Castiel and Dean Are Co-workers | Gabriel is courting Sam Winchester

Sam and Dean are both disappointed when it appears that they won't be able to spend the holidays together—something they had always managed to do in the past—but this turn of events offers them both the opportunity to seek someone else to share their respective holidays with.

The Moonlight Rule 

129K | E | Destiel | Modern Setting AU | Slow Burn | Marriage of Convenience | Ranch | Friends to Lovers | Trauma | Home Invasion | Angst and Fluff | *

After the sudden passing of Henry Winchester, Castiel learns that the late Mr. Winchester made last minute changes in his will: Dean will only inherit the family ranch he’s been running, if he marries Castiel and stays married for at least six months.

My Cryo-Sleeping Beauty

55K | E | Destiel | Graphic Depiction of Violence | Space Sci-fi AU | | Enemies to Lovers | Outlaws | Gabriel is the Narrator | Background Sabriel | *

With no memory of how this happened, Dean Winchester of Venandi wakes up on an unknown spaceship next to Castiel, a prisoner fresh out of cryo-sleep, as well as an old acquaintance of his.

Pie Makes Everything Better 

4K | G | Destiel | Bakery AU | Fluff | Meet Cute |

It’s Thanksgiving and Dean is desperate for an apple pie. Luckily, there is still one bakery that appears to be open and Dean finds the cashier to be very kind and handsome.

The Silence of Souls 

33K | M | Destiel | Graphic Depiction of Violence | Canon Divergent | Team Free Will 2.0 | Season 13 | Angst | *

After casting a spell to help Mary cross back to their universe, Team Free Will, with Jack by their side, ready to assist them against any surging danger, unleashed Godstiel, the Boy King of Hell and Deanmon, bearer of the mark of Cain upon the world.

The Tricky Task of Persuading Gabriel 

25K | E for NSFW Art | Destiel & Sabriel | Canon Compliant | Episode fic | S5E14 - The Real Ghostbusters | Convention | *

At the very first Supernatural Convention, Sam, Dean and Castiel attempt to convince Gabriel to join them against Lucifer. And Gabriel doesn’t miss the opportunity to have some fun at the event.

The Waltz of Shilly-Shallying 

36K | E | Destiel | Veterinarian and Pet Groomer AU | Fluff | Miscommunications | Mutual Pining | Castiel is Jack Kline’s Parent | Christmas | Belphegor is Jack Kline’s Imaginary Friend | *

Crushing on each other for quite some time, Dean and Castiel both hesitate to make a move. One thinks the feeling isn’t mutual while the other figures it’s best to focus on his familial duties and remain friends. That is until they find themselves under the mistletoe.

The Week-Long Sleepover and the Opportunity to End Denial 

90K WIP | Not Rated | Destiel & Sabriel | High School AU | Fluff and Angst | Miscommunications | Pining | Slow Burn | Friends to Lovers | Secret Admirer | Idiots in Love |

When Castiel stays over at the Winchesters for a week, Sam thinks it's the perfect occasion for "just best friends" Dean and Castiel to finally admit their feelings. He offers Castiel assistance and Gabriel meddles (of course) while hunting for his elusive secret admirer.

What the Heart Misses

5K | G | Destiel | Canon Divergent | Fluff | Christmas | S15E14 - Last Holiday | Dean Winchester Loves Castiel | Sam Knows | Gift Exchange

After learning that the Winchesters and Jack celebrated Christmas with Mrs. Butters, Castiel takes the opportunity to give Dean a Christmas present. Which then prompts Dean to reflect on the nature of their bond.

The Winchester Breakfast Special

36K | E | Destiel | Roommate AU | Miscommunications | Pinning | Castiel Has A Crush on Dean Winchester | Hurt Dean Winchester | *

Watching Dean cook breakfast after a long night of steamy passion is something Castiel gets to witness on nearly every Sunday morning. The only problem is that the meal in question is never cooked for him: He’s just the roommate.

And more fics to come!

* fics written for a challenge

(updated April 2021)

[supernatural-jackles]

SPN Dean Bingo - Masterlist

Man’s Best Friend - Dean x Reader (Sam Winchester) ~~After a really bad hunt, the reader decides she doesn’t want to hunt anymore. She’s having a really tough time making the adjustment, so she takes measures into her own hands.

The Ones That Love Us - Dean x Reader (Kissed to Keep Quiet) ~~ One fight ended your eight year friendship with the older Winchester. Nine months after that, you are invited back to the bunker for a “sleepover” by Sam. Can you handle seeing Dean again after everything that happened?

Happy Anniversary - Dean x Reader (Mental Health) ~~It’s yours and Dean’s 5th anniversary. He had planned on taking you out and showing you just how much he loved an appreciated you for sticking by his side for so long. A sweet gesture, only you don’t really want to go when the day comes.

One and One Make Three - Dean x Reader (Hurt/ Comfort) ~~Friends are always there for you. Through the good times and the bad. After a night out with two of your best friends, catching up and celebrating the end of a chapter, you can’t help but wondering what lies ahead for you in the next. Start a family like Jared? Find another acting job like Jensen would? Little do you know, your best friend is harbouring a huge secret and one decision was about to change your life forever.

One and One Make Three Part 6 - Jensen x Reader (Playing with their Hair) ~~Friends are always there for you. Through the good times and the bad. After a night out with two of your best friends, catching up and celebrating the end of a chapter, you can’t help but wondering what lies ahead for you in the next. Start a family like Jared? Find another acting job like Jensen would? Little do you know, your best friend is harbouring a huge secret and one decision was about to change your life forever.

Twenty-Two - Dean x Reader ( Wearing the Other’s Clothes) ~~ Stuck in the woods, hiding out, you and Dean have some time to enjoy a little bit of normalcy before facing the world once more.

One and One Make Three Part 16 - Jensen x Reader (Convention) ~~Friends are always there for you. Through the good times and the bad. After a night out with two of your best friends, catching up and celebrating the end of a chapter, you can’t help but wondering what lies ahead for you in the next. Start a family like Jared? Find another acting job like Jensen would? Little do you know, your best friend is harbouring a huge secret and one decision was about to change your life forever.

One and One Make Three Part 19 - Jensen x Reader (Proposal) ~~Friends are always there for you. Through the good times and the bad. After a night out with two of your best friends, catching up and celebrating the end of a chapter, you can’t help but wondering what lies ahead for you in the next. Start a family like Jared? Find another acting job like Jensen would? Little do you know, your best friend is harbouring a huge secret and one decision was about to change your life forever.

Taking a Break - Dean x Reader (Hugs) ~~After a long, hard day at work filled with disappointment and failure, you walk into your apartment to let the events of the day roll off your shoulders. Only you can’t quite let them go completely without a little help.  

Say Something - Dean x Reader (Cabin in the Woods) ~~Christmas comes and goes every year. Most years it goes by as a regular day. This year, you want to spend it a little differently. A cabin in the woods with your chosen family, and the man you had been head over heels for since the beginning. Who would have thought that this Christmas would be filled with everything you dreamed of growing up.

One and One Make Three - Christmas Special - Jensen x Reader (Reuniting) ~~Christmas is fast approaching. You and your daughter await the arrival of Jensen to begin the celebrations as a family.

Another Year - Dean x Reader (Cuddling) ~~ It’s January 24th. You are awaiting the arrival of the Winchester brothers from a hunt so you can begin celebrating Dean’s birthday. When they do get home, things don’t quite go to plan.

Valentine’s Day Sucks - Jensen x Reader ( Accidental Kiss) ~~Another Valentine’s Day has arrived. You are awaiting your fiancee, only to be stood up. Your best friend comes to the rescue unexpectedly with one of the same issues. Who knew two break ups on Hallmarks favourite holiday would result in some one on one time with someone you had been pushing your feelings down for.

Isolation - Dean x Reader ( The Bunker) ~~  When the croatoan virus takes over half the country, you haul ass to the bunker where your two best friends are to keep you safe. Only, one of them you have had feelings for and the other keeps encouraging you to tell him.

The Man on the Side of the Road - Dean x Reader ( Free Space) ~~Driving down the road, going well over the speed limit. You come across a man walking in the opposite direction with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His head cast down as he walked. Your gut instinct is telling you to check on this man, no matter what your parents told you growing up. Little did you know just how much this would change your life.

The Man on the Side of the Road Part 4 - Dean x Reader ( College AU) ~~Driving down the road, going well over the speed limit. You come across a man walking in the opposite direction with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His head cast down as he walked. Your gut instinct is telling you to check on this man, no matter what your parents told you growing up. Little did you know just how much this would change your life.

The Man on the Side of the Road Part 5 - Dean x Reader (Domestic!AU) ~~Driving down the road, going well over the speed limit. You come across a man walking in the opposite direction with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His head cast down as he walked. Your gut instinct is telling you to check on this man, no matter what your parents told you growing up. Little did you know just how much this would change your life.

The Man on the Side of the Road Part 7 - Dean x Reader (Falling in Love) ~~Driving down the road, going well over the speed limit. You come across a man walking in the opposite direction with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. His head cast down as he walked. Your gut instinct is telling you to check on this man, no matter what your parents told you growing up. Little did you know just how much this would change your life.

The Arrangement - Dean x Reader (Hunt Gone Wrong) ~~After a hunt gone wrong, you take Dean up on the extremely useful  arrangement you both agreed on many years ago to help you get through the night.

Owe You One - Dean x Reader (Neighbors!AU) ~~ Dean Winchester has been your best friend and neighbour for the last year. A year of finding comfort in random drop ins and casual conversations, but neither of you know the pasts that the other has. Not fully. Pasts that come back to haunt you, and ruin everything you want in life. Can you find what you’re seeking in a couple of favours and a good time between the sheets or is history doomed to repeat itself?

Owe You One Part 2 - Dean x Reader (Fake Dating) ~~Dean Winchester has been your best friend and neighbour for the last year. A year of finding comfort in random drop ins and casual conversations, but neither of you know the pasts that the other has. Not fully. Pasts that come back to haunt you, and ruin everything you want in life. Can you find what you’re seeking in a couple of favours and a good time between the sheets or is history doomed to repeat itself?

Owe You One Part 3 - Dean x Reader (Best Friend) ~~Dean Winchester has been your best friend and neighbour for the last year. A year of finding comfort in random drop ins and casual conversations, but neither of you know the pasts that the other has. Not fully. Pasts that come back to haunt you, and ruin everything you want in life. Can you find what you’re seeking in a couple of favours and a good time between the sheets or is history doomed to repeat itself?

Owe You One Part 4- Dean x Reader (Bartender!AU) ~~Dean Winchester has been your best friend and neighbour for the last year. A year of finding comfort in random drop ins and casual conversations, but neither of you know the pasts that the other has. Not fully. Pasts that come back to haunt you, and ruin everything you want in life. Can you find what you’re seeking in a couple of favours and a good time between the sheets or is history doomed to repeat itself?

Owe You One Part 5 - Dean x Reader (Friends with Benefits) ~~Dean Winchester has been your best friend and neighbour for the last year. A year of finding comfort in random drop ins and casual conversations, but neither of you know the pasts that the other has. Not fully. Pasts that come back to haunt you, and ruin everything you want in life. Can you find what you’re seeking in a couple of favours and a good time between the sheets or is history doomed to repeat itself?

Two Weeks Notice - Jensen x Reader ( Friendship) ~~You’d think that working on the same set for six years would make you feel accomplished… not feeling like you don’t fit in anymore.

[drkcnry67]

Sleeping beauty: a twisted supernatural fairytale

A/n: this is for 4 different bingo challenges... hope people like this one! Show it some love if you loved it.

Title: sleeping beauty: a twisted supernatural fairytale

Pairing: dean x reader

Spn Dark sq: free space (shadow/fear demon)

Share the love bingo sq: sleeping beauty

Fluff sq: soulmate AU

H&H sq: Gabriel

Rating: pg-13

summery: not telling

created for @spnfluffbingo​  @spndarkbingo​  @heavenandhellbingo​  @thisismysecrethappyplace​

Once upon a time in a kingdom oh so far away lived a king & his fair queen. for many years they had longed for a child & finally their wish was granted.

a daughter born to them whom they called YN. for they named her after the dawn for she filled their hearts with sunshine. a great holiday planned to honor the princess for the entire kingdom rejoiced at her birth.

as more people graced the party, the party got stronger. amongst those to arrive were King John & his son Prince Dean. fondly had these monarchs dreamed that one day their kingdoms unite.

thus that day they announced Dean, John’s son and Heir to Castiel’s daughter be betrothed. so to her his gift he brought as he looked unkowing on his future bride.

Page: their most honored and exalted excellencies, the 3 good fairies. Mistress Claire, Mistress Jo & mistress Alex...

the 3 fairies approached, now addressing Castiel and his queen.

Fairies: your majesties!

in courtly fashion they all curtsied.

Claire: each of us the child may bless with a single gift, no more no less.

claire approached the craddle, with a wave of her wand she spoke these words.

Claire: little princess, my gift shall be the gift of beauty...

~one gift, beauty rare. full of sunshine in her hair. lips that shame the red red rose. she’ll wake with springtime wherever she goes.~

Jo was next to approach the craddle, with a wave of her wand she spoke these words.

Jo: tiny princess, my gift shall be the gift of song.

~one gift, the gift of song. melody her whole life long. the nightingale’s her troubadour. bringing her sweet serenade to her door.~

Alex stepped up to the craddle, she walked and raised her want tostart her speech but something soon would disrupt her wish.

Alex: “sweet princess, my gift shall be...

a gust of wind blows blazing through the castle doors, they swing wide open. with wind and thunder crashing through, in a blaze of fire in the middle of the crowd appeared Rowena.

Claire, jo and Alex all in states of shock at the sight of Rowena who speaks now.

Rowena: well quite the glittering assemblage King Castiel. Royalty, nobility, the gentry and how quaint even the rebel.

alex tries to fly towards Rowena but is held back by Claire.

Rowena: i really felt quite distressed at not recieving an invitation

Alex now more than a little peaved speaks.

Alex: you weren’t wanted.

Rowena: not wa...? oh dear, what an awkward situation. i had hoped it was merely due to some oversight. well in that event i’d best be on my way. 

queen: and your not offended your excellency?

Rowena: why no your majesty. and to show i bear no ill will i too shall bestwo a gift on the child. 

the fairies back up to protect the craddle. 

rowena: listen well all of you! the princess shall indeed grow in grace and beauty, beloved by all who know her. but, before the sun sets on her 16th birthday, she shall prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel & die.

queen: oh no!

queen takes her child in her arms as rowena maniacly laughing...

castiel: seize that creature!

rowena: stand back you fools!

in a flash of fire and lightning as well as laughter rowena disappeared!

Claire: dont despair your majesties, Alex still has her gift to give.

Castiel: then she can undo this fearful curse?

Alex: oh no sire.

Jo: Rowena’s powers are far too great.

Claire: but she can help.

Alex: but...

Jo: just do your best dear!

Claire: yes...

Alex rolls up her sleeves and proceeds to speak her part.

Alex: sweet princess, if through this wicked witches trick a spindle should your finger prick, a ray of hope there still maybe in this, the gift i give to thee. not in death, but just in sleep the fateful prophecy shall keep, and from thy slumber thee shall wake when true loves kiss the spell shall break.

~for true love conquers all~

but castiel still fearful of his daughter’s life, did then and there decre that every spinning wheel on that very day be burnt. so it was done!

~this is the first jump out of fairytale reality and into our own reality where dean is picking up watching this classic fairytale & trying to get some shudeye.~

dean: if i have one more flippin’ dream about this movie im gonna kill someone.

sam: dont worry about it Dean, its not gonna get better with you yelling & screamin’... now try to get some sleep! we have a long drive ahead of us tomorrow!

Dean: yeah your right.

Dean throws his headphones on again trying to coax himself into a relaxing sleep. which Gabriel  had set so Dean would not wake from his sleep till the story would finish, then his destined quest would begin.

Gabriel: sweet dreams Dean. you have a really rude awakening ahead of you... everything you know is about to change...

gabriel casts his curse & leaves dean to his tormented slumber that which awaits him.

~jump back into the story, where we find the 3 fairies talking with Castiel and the queen~

Claire: your majesty please consider this a kind of protection detail, this will allow your sweet YN to grow up in peace without the worry of her pricking her finger when her 16th birthday hath fully passed your sweet YN will be returned to you. to ensure the curse does not come true.

queen: you 3 have always been here even when we havent always honored it, we do so appreciate your loyalty and protection. this has surely been a trying day for us and we are honored to have you 3 commited to helping us protect our daughter.

Castiel:  and it is on our honor that, you 3 shall go with our blessing. please be careful & guard our child well...

many hours later after dark, the king and his queen watched with heavy hearts as thier most precious possesssion their only child disappeared into the night..

many sad and lonely years passed for King Castiel and his peopple. but as the time for the pincess’ 16th birthday drew near, the entire kingdom began to rejoice. for everyone knew that as long as rowena’s domain, the forbidden mountains, thundered with her wrath and frustration her evil prophecy had not yet been fullfilled. 

rowena yells at her incompetant servents, they encur her wrath. rowena sends out her own raven to search for the princess. 

and so for 16 long years, dean had been learning how to live life as a prince. while the wereabouts of the princess remained a secret, the faires carried out their long laid planes living like mortals.

the fairies send Yn to collect some berries while they argue about the kind of last birrthday party they wish to give her, the dress color the cake and the cleaning something extra special for their last night as her guardians.

YN decides to stop in the glen... she feels like something is wrong thats when your real self breaks through... 

YN: omg what am i doing in here? 

as you keep singing you try to remember wht happened to put you in here. sure was your fave movie but it was not how you wanted to live.

Dean was riding Chuck the horse, the scene still happens the singing in the glade, dean hearing your singing following the animals that are stealing his cape, boots and hat. 

your still singing by yourself but now kinda talking to the animals. after that kind of normal conversation you notice that some of your animal friends have come back dressed as a prince. you started singing and continued to dance with your animal friends, but thats when Dean had snuck up and hid in the bush, he waited for his oportune moment.

YN: but if i know you, i know what you’ll do, you’ll love me at once... the way you did...

thats when your vocals were interrupted by another voice to complete your song.

Dean: once upon a dream.

though it wasnt exactly ideal, your hands interacting, it felt more real than you had this entire time. waltzing through the glade by the lake, made your real self shine through. Dean could feel his real self shine through as well.

Dean: are you real?

that question made you look at him instantly. another person whose not really the character he is pretending to be.

YN: you’re real... your an actual person, not just a fairytale character?

Dean: yes, i’m real, what’s your name?

YN: YN, outside this ever turning story book fairytale movie thing im a hunter.... this story just keeps repeating itself everytime someone watches this movie. i have no idea what the hell put me into this neverending storybook. im annoyed greatly but strange thing is i can’t feel any connection right now to my actual body...

Dean: im a hunter as well. my name is Dean. i hunt everything that goes bump in the night from ghosts to demons and everything in between. i am also not sure how i got in here.

YN: your a hunter as well... i thought i was the only one.

Dean: whats the last thing you can remember before waking up here in the story?

YN: i was on a strange case, one thing made me think it was a werewolf. one thing made me think it was a ghost. one thing made me think it was a poltergeist. i remember walking out of my hotel room and that is it. nothing else after that. it sends shivers down my spine when i think of what may be going on with my actual body. how did you end up in here?

Dean: last thing i rememebr is turning on the movie to watch/listen too while i try to sleep. thats it... i have no fucking idea how i ended up in here. as to you saying that you can feel no connection to your physical body, something magical must be blocking the connection, but non-the-less i want to help you. i will finish the story so i can get out of here and find you. i will slay whatever i have to in order to free you, in the story and in reality. i will not rest till i rescue you.

you both continued on in the story, as they say it must continue or the end will not come. but it was nice for both of you to know that neither of you were alone. 

the 3 fairies gave you your birthday surprise and told you of your true heritage then whisked you away to the castle where they hid you; dean showed up at the cottage where Rowena prince-napped him; you are led away by rowena’s curse to prick your finger in a hidden tower room the 3 fairies find you laying you down in “your” room; then they put the kingdom to sleep till someone can wake their sweet YN. 

~meanwhile outside the story Sam is working with other people to figure out what happened to dean. Ellen, Jo and Bobby all were doing everything they could to help Sam figure out what happened to Dean.~

 Back in the story: many sleeping people but the fairies were trying to find out who the handsome stranger was that their sweet Yn had been talking about. they figured he might be their key to saving her. 

but soon it was claire who had been doing a round to make sure all of her section was asleep but it was John’s voice that caught her ear for he started talking about how he had spoken to Dean who had been raving about some pesent girl and how Dean had said he was gonna marry her and such. 

claire managed to suss out that it was Dean that Yn had met in the forest. the words she had heard from John that had firmed her suspicions were Peasent girl & once upon a dream...

claire flies back to Jo and Alex and speaks in raced tones of panic.

Claire: the young man that YN was talking about is Prince Dean. come on girls we have to get back to the cottage.

as fast as their wings could carry them, they rushed back to the cotage but alas were too late for all they found was Dean’s hat no Dean. they conclude that it must have been Rowena who has dean trapped in her forbiiden palace. their minds made up immediately, they had to go there.

Dean, the only one true person who is able to awaken their Sweet YN... they had to find him to save her. off they went no plan in hand just ‘winging’ it as they went, weaving their way through the grounds passed the guards... 

Rowena was in her throne room watching her lackys celebrate. to her raven she speaks.

Rowena: what a pitty prince Dean cant be here to enjoy the celebration. come my pet let us go to the dungeon and cheer him up...

the raven she was just talking too cawed at her as she got up and started walking towards the dungeon where she had been keeping dean.

~*reality jump!!! Dean is still unconcious while Sam is runnning around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to figure out what the hell happened to his brother*~

Sam: i don’t want lecutures. i want to know what happened to Dean.

Bobby: dont worry boy, dean is strong, he will pull through whatever is happening to him. do you have any theories?

Sam: im thinking maybe some sort of curse or something but no signs of any hex bags or nothing surrounding dean. there has to be something we are overlooking. some angle that we have missed.

~*back in the story, dean is stuck in the dungeon not even phased when rowena walks in the door.*~

Rowena: oh come now prince dean why so mellon colly. a wondrous future awaits you. you the destined hero of a charming fairytale come true.

the fairies arrive in the window hiding from the raven and rowena but witness what rowena depicts to Dean through her Staff.

Rowena: behold, king castiel’s castle &and in yonder top most tower, dreaming of her true love, the princess YN. but see the gracious whim of fate. why tis the same said peasent maid who won the heart of our noble prince the other day. she is indeed most wondrous fair. gold of sunshine in her hair, lips that shame the red red rose. in ageless sleep she finds repose. the years roll by, but a hundred years to a stead fast hear are ‘bout a day. and now, the gates of the dungeon part and our prince is free to go his way. off he rides on his noble steed. a valiant figure, straight & tall to wake his love with love’s first kiss & prove that true love conquers all...

Dean struggles against his chains, alex starts towards rowena but is held back by Claire as rowena brings her raven back onto her shoulder as they prepare to exit the dungeon she says one final thing in Deans presense.

Rowena: ah my pet let us leave our noble prince with these happy thoughts.

she exits the dungeon leaving Dean struggling against his bonds. the 3 fairies enter the cell using their magic to release dean from the chains and unlock the door. Dean starts towards the door but is stopped by Claire who proceeds to speak.

Claire: wait prince Dean, the road to true love may yet still be barred by much more dangers, which you alone shall have to face. so arm thyself with this enchanted shield of virtue, and this mighty sword of truth. for these weapons of righteousness shall triumph over evil. now come we must hurry.

out of the dungeon they went but rowena’s raven had stayed behind after rowena and the raven exited the dungeon. he started cawing at them, Dean was thinking this would be easy escape. but he was wrong. the raven was bringing an army of lackies downt he stairs to them. dean begins to fight them off.

Claire: quick Dean jump out the window.

Dean jumps out the same window as the fairies, but some rocks start falling towards Dean. Claire notices and speaks quickly.

Claire: Dean watch out!

Claire turns the rocks into bubbles. then a wall of arrows quickly turned into a wall of flying flowers, alex went down to free chuck. dean rides off on chuck towards the gate where hot oil is thrown, claire turns it into a rainbow.

the chase of a lifetime made alex proud as she chased that raven to the top of rowena’s tower & turned it to stone. this made rowena emerge, freshly woken from her sleep she goes to yell at her raven but discovers that her pet has been turned into stone. 

she watches from her balcony as the drawbridge is being raised, dean and the fairies are heading straight for it, the fairies help him make the jump. chuck keeps running, carrying Dean as quick possible, dodging rowena’s two spells that she has cast causing them to fail. 

in straight eye sight for Dean and the fairies is the castle, but before they can reach it Rowena makes her second last attempt to stop them.

Rowena: a forest of thorns shall be his tomb. born from the skies in a fog of doom. now go with a curse and serve me well. round Castiel’s castle cast my spell.

a black cloud appears over the castle, lightning striking the grounds around, thus causes icky thicky black thorns to grow in large bushes between Dean and the castle. 

Dean stops before them, drawing his sword he fights his way through the thorns this let him out just before the bridge to the castle. rowena seeing this appears before Dean in a firey blaze for her final attempt to stop them.

Rowena: now shall ye deal with me oh prince & all the powers of hell!

Dean and the fairies watch as Rowena using every ounce of power she had left to transform herself into a huge fire spying dragon. Dean begins what turns into a short-ish fight but retreats hastly reaching a wall he climbs high. 

our prince is now trapped on a cliff, another blaze of fire this causes Dean to loose his shield off the side of the cliff. Claire jo & alex bring their collective magic together near the prince they cast this on the sword.

Claire: now sword of truth fly swift and sure, that evil die & good endure.

dean throws the sword at the dragon piercing its heart. rowena lunges one final time but falls off a cliff to her downfall. dean is then lead down the cliff and to the castle, up to the tower where you lay in slumber waiting for this moment. Dean kneeling by your sleeping form placed a light kiss to your lips. 

you wake up just as time freezes. Dean helps you stand up. both of you looking around. yes the entire movie was frozen. puzzled you both stand in front of eachother. 

Dean: now whats happening.

you went to open your hand to grab Dean’s but something fell to the floor. Dean reached down to pick it up. he unfolded it and proceeded to read what was upon it.

Dean (reading note): congratulations! Defeating that witch takes care of one of my issues, that was of course the easy part. your next task Dean is to find your destiny, yes your destiny lies within the form of this girl. you must go back to reality and find her body and wake her up once you do everything and i do mean EVERYTHING will become clear. want a clue? here it is: “in a place of myth & legend where the balance of nature is true, this place you know it all too well. what you believe isnt real is, everything you know shall change forever. the ways of old shall guide you by, this far side of _________ in the final resting place of _________...” i look forward to seeing you very very soon. try to hurry i hear there is trouble on your horizons. 

now you both were very very very confused. this is what caused you to pop up and say..

YN: what the hell kind of clue was that? any idea what he is talking about? wait does that mean im not in my hotel room anymore. that someone or something moved my body?

Dean: that is exactly what it means and i will do everything in my capable power to find you. hopefully when i get back to reality this paper goes with me... 

just as he finished speaking a portal opens, visions of dean’s unconcious body appear along with Sam and others going frantic over what happened to Dean.

Dean: Yn, i give you my solem oath that i will not rest till you are safe by my side, i will fight whoever, go wherever, do whatever i have to in order to save you. dont give up hope and pray that this loop does not repeat for you. pray this time freeze does not disappear when i walk through that portal. 

YN: i have faith in you Dean please hurry. i look forward to never leaving your side.

Dean placed a chaste kiss to your forehead before he walked through the portal. you sat on the bed and watched as Time remained frozen but you were once again alone.

Dean arrived back in his own body, he sat straight up and scared the living daylights out of his brother, bobby and several others all of whom embraced Dean. 

Dean then went to where Sam’s laptop was and began searching the lore, the myths and legends specifically. when Sam approached him about what he was doing, Dean presented sam with that note. suddenly it made mroe sense to Sam, who left Dean in the charge of Jo while he, bobby and ellen all went to grab food and booze. 

Jo: what happened to you?

Dean: one minute i was in that bed trying to fall asleep using a disney movie & the next thing i know im inside the movie. im telling you i would have preferred Hell. but i wasnt the only person from reality stuck in the movie. there was a girl, she said she is a hunter too she was on a strange case when she found herself in the movie. she has no idea of how long she has been in there. she also thinks her body has been moved. this piece of paper proves that someone or something is holding her body somewhere and its up to me to find this girl. at this point nothing else matters. i made her a promise now i have to keep it. 

Jo: let me see the paper again...

Dean hands Jo the paper and after a few moments of staring at it she takes a pen and fills in the blanks... thats when the paper glowed... and revealed a magical map... 

Dean: how did you do that?

Jo just smiled and laughed...

Jo: im really good at fill in the blanks. its a natural talent i get it from mom... your clue should have finished like this:   “in a place of myth & legend where the balance of nature is true, this place you know it all too well. what you believe isnt real is, everything you know shall change forever. the ways of old shall guide you by, this far side of Romania in the final resting place of Dracula...”

Dean hugged her, he knew where he had to go now but how the hell was he gonna get there. it was then that Dean went to load several of his handhelds and load onto his back a machete load up some ammo clips. 

he didnt know what to expect but he was certain that being cautious was better than being stupid. he was not gonna walk in there half assed. he needed to be as prepared as could be. however thats when bobby, sam and ellen walked back into the room. 

Sam: Dean what are you doing?

Dean: im getting ready before i call cas for transport. this will allow me to not get dinged by airport security and not to become sea sick either. but i hope honestly that this mission im about to embark on is gonna be beneficial. 

Bobby: what the hell do you think your doing? never mind that where are you going?

Dean: romania, Jo has the knowledge on why i am going to romania, she will fill you guys in... ill take my burger to go. put my pie in the fridge. 

once Dean is ready to go, he stands in the center of the room and smiles back at the others but then Jo pipes up and goes to stand beside Dean with a backpack on her back... 

Dean: Jo what...

Jo: im not letting you walk into your destiny alone. do not for one second think im not gonna jump at this opportunity to hunt with you, to help you to find your destiny. you helped me once to know what my destiny was, now its my turn to repay the favor.

Dean takes Jo by the hand as he in a stern voice he speaks the following words. 

Dean: Castiel get your oh holy feathery ass down here i need a lift and your my ticket to my next destination.

cas comes to the hotel room and approaches Dean & Jo.

Castiel: where am i taking you and your friend here...

Dean: transylvania and dude once we land you cant be there... it will not be helpful for you to be there. this is a mission i have to do alone. me and my friend here go through the rest of the process alone. 

Cas only nods completely understanding on what his friend has asked of him. he takes Dean and Jo to Transylvania. then once they are safe on the ground again cas leaves. 

Dean: okay now to look at this magic map and figure out where we are and where the resting place of Dracula is... 

Jo: well lets first of all make sure we are prepared before we go into town. i did a bit of research apparently they dont trust strangers here. we need to show them that we mean no harm. or just keep our noses down and pass through without being detected. 

Dean: well lets see what the map says. 

Jo leads Dean to a rock as she lays out the map... 

Jo: these 2 dots over here are us... but what is that red dot over yoner on this map... look there is a multicolored one too.... 

Dean: the multicolored one is my destiny, the red one has to be what is holding her captive. 

jo notices some writing appearing on the map after a few moments. 

Jo: whats that say...

Dean: it says, “inside the castle you face your fears, beat them out till you cant no more. fears and demons go hand in hand but if you beat them in order to save your destiny. this is to be your greatest reward.” what the hell does that mean... 

Jo: it means no matter what we need to get to that castle. 

hand in hand they get their tracks moving towards the path...

Jo: i really hope the story of transylvania is fake... 

Dean: you mean the fact that as soon as the sun goes down werewolves and vampires come out to play... you and me both but hey if they do we are fully prepared. this place is on top of a supernatural time  bomb. everything that goes bump in the night comes out after sunset. 

both dean and jo look up into the sky the last bit of light leaves the tree line. 

Dean: have your silver bullets and machete ready just in case... we are not taking any chances. we have to get to that castle. 

Jo: dont worry we will... 

Dean smiles as both of them continue making their way through the forst, a little quicker than normal pace. the sun had now fully set, the light that had been guiding them was gone. 

Jo: just follow the path the map says this will lead us to the castle where your destiny awaits you. Dean are you sure we...

thats when she stopped speaking... her words cut out... Dean pulled out his machete and quickly brought it to face the enemy that now held his best friend back. 

Shadow entity: ah so the prodigal has come for his prize.. well i think ill take a  constitution to ensure that you follow the rules, to ensure the balance is complete, to ensure that we are all in clarity to our debts. to this i have something to say this to you: you are part of the same card, the girl i have sleeping right now is not going to wake up without her other half. you have not done anything to earn her freedom, so i take your friend as kind of a wake up call to the horrors that which wait you inside. this castle has its own story but to unlock its secrets you must face your fears. face them down Dean, only then will you have earned her freedom. see you real soon.

the shadow figure disappears with Jo... Dean picks up her bag and keeps his machete on hand as he continues walking. following the map as he heard the soft crunching of his boots under the snow. winter sure is warmish in whats supposed to be the coldest part of romania. 

Dean (to self): i have no idea what the hell is going on but i now have 2 bright lights to save i am just hoping i can conquer whatever appears before me... Jo for your courage please be my light. guide me to where you are... my dear sister. 

meanwhile Jo has been placed in a room, where you lay in wait for your destiny. Jo takes one look at you and she smiles. she knows that you are definately dean’s destiny and then she speaks the following words. 

Jo: in all my years i had never thought Dean would find his destiny, never after he helped me find mine i swore i would help him find his, now Dear Brother please follow my light...

Dean stops a quick moment to catch his breath and look at the map... he then sees Jo’s dot on the map glow brighter... it acts as a flashlight lighting up the path he must walk. 

after several more steps and following his light he arrives at the castle.

 Dean: here i com ladies... dont loose hope.

Dean holding his machete walked inside the castle.. the first thing he saw was the vision of himself as a demon tellig hm that he was gonna die alone and that he would become that... he told that vision that he would always have a family beside him even if they werent around that cared for him that would never abandon him.

that he went on his way still fllowing the light o the ground he comes accross the first blade which tells him that he fears being back in hell torturing souls and how good it made him feel. dean tells it that he will never and shall never go back to hell and never will he torutue those who dont deserve it again.

a few more fears tried to get dean to turn away from this quest, tried to get him to fail but nothing worked. the last area on the map was a long corridor it looked as thought there was a figure about mid way down. 

the map let off a warning flash meaning there was danger approaching. Dean speaks once more to whatever is trying to face him down.

Dean: i address the entity in front of me. who are you? why have you brought me to this awful place?

Shadow: i am the demonic shadow of Count Dracula and I have brought you here so you can face me in the ultimate battle. Either I will be finally put to rest or I will be made whole again. do you accept my challenge?

Dean drops the bags and keeps both his guns and his machete as he speaks.

Dean: look dumn ass, i dont know who your the spirit or entitiy of but this is not how things are run in my world. in my world the good guys win and the bad guys loose. now if you stand aside and let me wake my destiny and save my sister then you might just get to be put back to sleep again. or ill succeed and kill you right now. your choice, i’m good either way. 

Shadow: you dare to think you stand a chance against me, how cute. very well, if its death you choose then allow me to help you with that.

Dean moved out of the way as the shadow lunged toward him, missed and just landed again.. Dean then shot out 6 rounds of dead mans blood rounds all aimed at shadow-Dracula, he dodged those. 

shadow: tell you what, ill make you a deal if you surrender now ill give you ten long years to spend with your so called “destiny” in exchange for you letting me out of here with my life. 

Dean: how bout not a prayer. eat bullets instead.

Dean unloads the rest of the bullets in a circular form at the ground around shadow-dracula. completing the devils trap... 

Dean: oh wait you dont need to eat the bullets cause your history pal... 

Shadow-dracula looked down and around himself, the look that he now sported was one of fear. he was the one that now was terrified. 

Shadow: this is impossible no one imprisons the great Dracula. 

Dean: oh buddy im gonna do alot more than that, time for you to go back to where you came from. 

Dean stands up tall as he then speaks the same words he had spoken previously hundreds upon hundreds of times. 

Dean:  Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica, ergo draco maledicte, ut ecclesiam tuam secura, tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audios bitch!

that was all Dean had to say the shadow of Dracula was no more. he went back to grab the bags and continued forward... he shot the lock on the doors and kicked them open. 

Jo: Dean you found us... i believe you know what to do romeo... put everything down ill prepare to treat any wounds and such that show themselves once you wake her. 

Dean: Jo it was dracula, the shadow outside the door was dracula’s shadow. i cant believe his shadow was so hostile. i mean if i hadnt wasted 2 clips of amo drawing out a devils trap i would have lost the fight. 

Jo: ya ya ya okay dude, you have an overdue appointment with destiny over on that bed, now drop the bags and go. 

Dean knew jo would have kicked his ass if he didnt listen. he did as told, he dropped the bags and walked over to kneel beside you. he brushed some hair from your forehead..

Dean: together now and always i have always been your once upon a dream.

his lips met yours in a gentle kiss. he pulled back after a few seconds and waited to see if it workd. a while later you open your eyes and touch Dean’s cheek. 

YN: you found me?

Dean: did you doubt i would? i said i would and i keep my promises. this girl over here is my sister Jo.  she is gonna give you the once over and then ill call for our ride out of here once she has you in a clean set of clothes. im gonna make sure we are still safe... i will call cas once we are all ready.

Dean leaves you in the hands of Jo who hands you some clothes and assesses you making sure you are not hurt. Dean comes back a few moments later and calls cas to come bring you all home. 

Cas came brought you, dean and Jo back to the hotel. you and dean were gonna take some time to figure out what everything meant. this was when a bright light came upon the entire room. 

Dean: whats going on?

thats when Gabriel appeared in the room. everyone had hand guns on him immediately. but he speaks not with hostility but with normality.

Gabriel: ah winchesters and friends. do not be alarmed for YN and Dean have been written in the stars since the beginning of time. Dean and Yn im sorry for trapping you both in that sleeeping curse it was the only way to get you both to listen to reason. to listen to your hearts. i was only trying to get you both to follow the rules that destiny had for you. 

Dean: then why show up and tell us about it now...

Gabriel: cause i knew if i didnt it would have been alot worse later on. 

Dean: what happens now?

Gabriel: well with your permission i could marry you and Yn right here right now... if you both agree. 

you and Dean exchange looks before smiling.

Dean: when do we begin?

Gabriel snapped his fingers and the room transformed into a garden glade type thing. before you and Dean could say anything else you were taken from grungy hotel room to garden glade. 

Gabriel: we are gathered here today to join Dean and YN in the ever holy bonds of Matrimony. this holy bond is a sacred gift, that deserves to be protected cherish it now and always. now i am assuming that there are no objections to this holy union.

the room was silent as Gabriel held his hand out and 2 silver bands appeared clearly made for you and Dean. 

Gabriel: vows or no vows.

Dean: what more needs to be said, we already said everything we needed to... we know what we are. we have our feelings, we need no words for them.

Gabriel: very well, Dean take the band and tell Yn what you think should go with this ring!

Dean takes the ring and slowly slides it on your finger as he reveals whats in his heart. 

Dean: YN after the movie and what i had to do to rescue you. i have to say that im 100% positive about you being the single most best thing that has ever stepped into my path of life. i promise now and always to honor, love cherish and whatever else goes with that... i love you Yn your the best part of me now.

you take the ring and you do the same thing.

YN: Dean, when i met you in the movie i was unsure of your intentions. then it was your beautiful green eyes that made me swoon. now i stand here to say i too now and forever more will honor, love, cherish and everything else that goes with it for the rest of my life. you are an amazing man Dean Winchester i love you so much and i cant wait to be your wife and have your last name. 

Gabriel: by the powers and laws bestowed on me by Heaven, i now am honored to pronounce you husband and wife. Dean you may now kiss your beautiful wife. 

Dean kisses you with so much passion. there was nothing to do for everyone else except cheer and clap. 

everyone lived happily ever after. well at least once upon a dream!

[nickelkeep]

Snow Globe

Pairing: Dorothy/Charlie Rating: Gen. Word Count: 1200 Warnings: None! Written For: @notfunnydean‘s SPN Advent Calendar 2019 Event! On Ao3

When Dorothy first arrived in Oz, she quickly lost track of the days back home. It bothered her that she couldn’t remember what day it was back home or that she couldn’t keep track of important days like her birthday, the fourth of July, or even Christmas. Not knowing when Christmas fell in Oz was probably the most difficult part for Dorothy.

Of course, Oz had similar holidays, like Lurline’s Birthday or the week of the Unknown God. Still, nothing compared to seeing Christmas Lights and opening the presents under the tree. Over time, Dorothy found herself joining in on the different celebrations, and her thirst for knowledge made her appreciate the new customs she learned. That same appreciation for the cultures in Oz made Dorothy the clear leader for the Resistance, as many thought that she would be able to unite the people under one banner.

Despite missing home at first, Dorothy grew to love Oz. Then the Wicked Witch sprung her most significant attack yet, and Dorothy was dragged back to Earth. She would have been lying if she said she wasn’t excited to be home. Dorothy made quick work of finding the witch, but at a loss for how to defeat her, she immediately went to the Men of Letters. Nothing had changed in the years she had been gone. 

The men looked down upon Dorothy as a measly hunter and brushed her off despite stating she was Frank’s daughter. They directed her to a Bunker in Kansas. Instead of removing the threat of the wicked witch, and being able to see the things she missed while away, she ended up bound to the witch in a bottle for almost eighty years. 

It wasn’t until she was accidentally released by the Winchesters that she realized how much she missed. Charlie, the youngest of the Winchesters, was a Woman of Letters, something that was unheard of before Dorothy trapped herself in the bottle. And to be honest, if there was any woman who deserved the title, it was Charlie.

Dorothy found herself infatuated with the petite redhead, and - despite the crap situation they were in - she genuinely enjoyed working with Charlie. When all was said and done and Charlie killed the Wicked Witch, Dorothy found herself torn between going back to Oz and staying behind. Her list of reasons to remain had grown to include the brave-hearted and kind Woman of Letters. Knowing she needed to return to check on the state of the rebellion, she asked Charlie to come along. Dorothy hadn’t expected Charlie to say yes.

Charlie was everything Dorothy realized she was missing in her life. She was fierce and loyal, all while being warm and open. Charlie was also smart and a quick learner. It took no time at all for the redhead to learn the magic of Oz. She used it to keep her items from home charged, and unlike all the time Dorothy had been stuck in Oz, Charlie could keep track of the time back home.

There were times when Charlie would get homesick, the first being her birthday, which occurred only two weeks after they returned to Oz. Charlie, not sure if she could confide in Dorothy right away, spent the day miserable. It had taken the evening and cuddles by the fireside to get Charlie to open up. Still, when Dorothy finally did, she swore to not let Charlie go through what she went through when trapped initially.

As the months passed, Charlie became a more and more vital part of the Resistance, and Dorothy fell deeper and deeper in love with her. Thanks to Charlie’s technology, Dorothy was able to keep track of the days and figure out when important holidays would fall in Oz time. So when a random feast day happened at the Resistance Camp they were staying at, it was a fun surprise for the Ozians, but a special day of found family for Dorothy and Charlie.

With the arrival of Christmas only a few weeks away, Dorothy knew that she wanted to do something special for Charlie. She remembered a small trinket from her childhood. Knowing that they were unheard of in Oz, she asked the Tinman if he knew anyone capable of blowing the glass and helping her make it.

With a glassblower found, Dorothy drew out what she needed and found the Scarecrow. He was able to find an artist who could make the pieces Dorothy needed.

With the glass blown and the figures made, Dorothy went to the Cowardly Lion to figure out how to make sure it was assembled and wouldn’t come apart. The Lion introduced her to a mender who could fix all sorts of items.

Once all the pieces were together, Dorothy made sure to carefully protect and store her gift for Charlie, so it couldn’t be found.

…

Christmas came quickly, and Dorothy made sure to arrange another dinner. However, this one was quiet and intimate.

“What do you think, Red?” Dorothy had brought Charlie to a private clearing and set up a picnic dinner for the pair.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re trying to woo me, Dot.” Charlie’s eyebrow raised in question. “Unless that’s what you’re trying to do.”

“Maybe?” Dorothy blushed and looked at her hands in her lap. “If I’m doing this wrong, would you tell me?”

Charlie smiled and scootched closer to Dorothy. “I would.”

“I know we don’t have a winter wonderland here at Christmas time.” Dorothy smiled sadly at Charlie. “It actually made it so hard for me to figure out the seasons and the time of year. I’m actually thankful for your technology, keeping me accurate this time around.”

“Is that all your thankful for?” Charlie teased.

“No.” Dorothy took Charlie’s hand in hers and ran her thumb over the redhead’s knuckles. “I’m thankful that you and your dumbass brothers broke me out of the bottle, even if it was accidental. I’m thankful that you helped me defeat the wicked witch.” Dorothy took a deep breath and smiled at Charlie. “I’m really grateful that you chose to come back with me to Oz.”

“Really?”

“Very much so, Charlie.” Dorothy reached into the basket with her free hand. “I know that you’re missing home and the traditions from back on Earth. So I figured we could have our own Christmas.” She handed the wrapped present to Charlie.

Charlie blushed and took the gift from Dorothy. “This was plenty, Dorothy, you didn’t need to do this too.” She unwrapped the present to find a small snow globe. Charlie’s eyes went wide as she shook it and saw the snow and glitter inside fall over a little scene of a home with a tree out front. “Dot…” Charlie teared up and gently set it down before bounding forward and wrapping her arms around Dorothy. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’m happy you like it, Red.” Dorothy tucked a strand of hair behind Charlie’s ear, causing Charlie to pull back.

“But I didn’t get you anything.” Charlie frowned. “I had no idea you were doing any of this.”

Dorothy laughed softly and took Charlie’s hand. “You are the best Christmas gift I could ask for.” Dorothy pulled Charlie back in for a sweet embrace, softly bringing their lips together in the first of many shared kisses in Oz.

[spnfanficpond]

Weekly Pond newsletter

We're not even halfway through September and I already saw a "holiday" themed ad on TV. And the holiday was not Halloween.

Old business:

We had a special LiveChat event in the discord server to talk about our new Twitter account! Click here to read all about it!

New business:

There are no Manta Ray chats scheduled for this week, but that doesn't mean that we're not around! Come on in to the discord server and give a shout!

Fishing for Treasures: Trading Places Weekend (aka Ocean Weekend) at the Pond is next weekend! Send us your non-SPN fics and we will highlight them here on the Pond blog on September 17th and 18th! Deadline for submissions is Friday the 16th at midnight Eastern US time! Click here to read the original post about it!

To see all Pond events, and also other SPN-related things like conventions and online concerts, check out our Google calendar! We try to keep it as up to date as possible. If there's something you want to see on the calendar that's not there (maybe a convention we missed, or cast birthdays, or something similar), send us an ASK and let us know!

Hope you have a great week! - From your admin, @manawhaat, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @fictionalabyss, and @mariekoukie6661 (and also @thoughtslikeaminefield and @coffee-obsessed-writer!)

[seenashwrite]

Nash Watches & Rates Cheesy Lifetime & Hallmark Original Christmas Movies, So You Don’t Have To (2018)

(a.k.a. -  Nash Records Her Viewings Of Lifetime & Hallmark Original Christmas Movies, which are fanfic in visual form & are gold)

ETA Jan 2019: This adventure is now moving to @seenashblog, so my SPN peeps can rest assured they’ll not be exposed to this any longer - I have a feeling I’ll not be done purging my soul for awhile yet #bless my heart

Last Addendum, I Swear

But I caught one this morning called “Home For Christmas Day” that sailed into a 5/5 with little effort. Here’s a mash-up of two “official” summaries I found, and that’s all I am giving you:

An Army widow worries about her teenage daughter when she meets a soldier from the town's military base & starts to spend time with him during the two weeks before he ships out. The mother wants to spare her daughter the pain of losing someone she loves in action, so she tries to get her daughter to break it off with the soldier before she becomes attached.  Little do they know they are about to learn important lessons of the heart and that taking chances can make this Christmas one they will cherish forever.

All 4 leads (mom, diner owner, daughter, soldier) are good actors (the daughter really impressed me), and they help overcome some dialogue that could’ve been less formulaic. A highlight is that Kristin Chenoweth’s “Home On Christmas Day”, a *phenomenal* song and one that has permanent residence on my holiday playlist, is featured and sung by a character who - wait for it - can actually sing and it was pleasant to hear, they kept it simple, and it’s the better for it. The movie could’ve gone Velveeta and shmoop and severe angst fast, but it didn’t. You’ll be torn on the ending, some of you wishing they’d gone the other direction. You’ll be sweetly tearful either way.

.

So, the new official rec list for the ones that are worth your time?

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

(5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime)

(5 of 5) Home For Christmas Day (Catherine Bell, Victor Webster - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Princess for Christmas (Sam Heughan, Katie McGrath, Sir Roger Moore - Hallmark)

.

And don’t forget: never, ever watch “My Christmas Love”.

Past entries below

Special (Royal) Addendum!

In a shocking turn of events, I’m about to recommend a [gulp] prince-and-princess-based plot Hallmark movie. I’m out-of-pocket a lot this week, but spotted this one randomly and needed to tell you about it, in case you had a chance to catch it. Because surprise, surprise - from some pretty impressive music for a TV movie, to some solid acting (even from the precocious children!), to a decent script, the most off-putting thing is the title. Possibly the best thing? It’s from 2011 but you may recognize the leading man:

So as a reminder, here’s my overall recommendation list for Christmas movies that are actually worth your time...

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

(5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Princess for Christmas (Sam Heughan, Katie McGrath, Sir Roger Moore - Hallmark)

...and the newest addition is the one in question, I’ll give you the scoop.

Google tells me that this was marketed in the UK as “A Christmas Princess”, but I don’t find that any better - I hate movies that blow their wad in the title. Let us not forget the Hallmark rule (and I am certain by this point it IS a rule) that “Christmas” must be in the title. So why not just “Christmas at _ Manor”? That implies aristocracy of some sort, it’s just.... blaaaargh, this channel. Wait hey, look what google told me!

* I swear on my stories that I did NOT see that before I wrote this draft *

Interestingly the version that’s on You Tube is called the latter, so... ya got me. But legit, I am shocked that when you click the “info” on the TV, it says it’s only got 2 stars. It’s higher on IMdB. Probs high ratings, too. I’m not looking it up.

Right. So. Heughan is a *phenomenal* actor, there’s nothing more to say there, and McGrath is high above average for not just typical Hallmark fare, but TV in general. I knew I recognized her, and turns out she was in the short-lived TV series Dracula about 4 years ago (of which I watched the pilot and peaced out), and google tells me she plays Lena Luthor on Supergirl presently (which I don’t watch), but where my lightbulb went off was that she’s the chick who inexplicably got yanked away by a pterodactyl and eaten by the water dino in Jurassic World. She is a gorgeous woman whose hair is made to look atrocious and it’s Hallmark tradition, so nobody’s surprised. One thing is that you’re going to find that on occasion (and it’s few-and-far between) she over-enunciates some words and will rush random parts of sentences, and google tells me she’s Irish, so I get it. A word will sneak in once in a blue moon, but it’s not grating, not in the least, but it’s there. Anyway.

Roger Moore is solid, of course, and points to him for not slipping into Bond mode, and also for not playing it too gruff. The teen boy is a great actor as well - he can pull an angst face and verbalize frustration without it going petulant teen, which is so refreshing I cannot even. And the little girl has a slight Shirley Temple thing going on, holds her own with the adults. Thankfully the servants are all charming and several funny and endearing moments happen because of and with/about/surrounding them. (The narrator is the head butler, too - and fear not, it only happens at the top and at the finale, and are lovely bookends.)

Okay, the story: it kicks off with narration, and it is very well done and cheeky - “Once upon a time in a land called Buffalo there lived a girl names Jules...”  Jules --- ::sigh:: just call her Julie, ffs --- has gotten custody of her niece and nephew (about 6 and 14, respectively) after their parents (the Mom being Jules’ sister) died earlier that year. We find her in the midst of a shitstorm because she got fired from her job (and it’s a *very* cool job), the older kid shoplifted a game, and the girl drove away their babysitter with some pranks - she’s also apparently addicted to Doritos. Clearly they’re just processing, and high props to all involved for not taking it over the top. They’re just the right amount of troubled to where it’s not eyeroll-worthy on either the bratty end or the angsty end. She looks to be about 12 years older than the boy, so that’s another reason he’s probably not so with this arrangement, but she’s not harsh with him, she actually treats him like a person and tells him why his behavior is out-of-line and punishes appropriately, reminds him he’s not the only one who lost them, doesn’t go all authoritarian on him, another pleasant change in typical fare.

We find out that their dad was the son of a Duke of some wherever over in Jolly Ol’ - and THANK YOU SCREENWRITERS for keeping it simple and not making up some ridiculously-named kingdom tucked somewhere on the planet - but he gave up the title to marry a “commoner” and moved to America. Still, they get invited to the manor (”castle”? Didn’t look castle to me, but all right) and the brother of the Dad is Heughan’s character, Ashton, with whom Jules has some chemistry, yo. They get us there fast, about 12 minutes, and again against Hallmark type, those 12 weren’t crammed to the gills with backstory and prep work, because that stuff’s gonna unfold, we’ve got an hour twenty, we’re fine.

Heughan happens to technically be a prince (the faux land this must be for isn’t mentioned, again, bless you screenwriter) and it is easily explained without unneeded detail by saying “It’s through my mother’s side”. So I don’t know if that means the kids are lil’ princes and princesses because was Dad technically a prince? Or was he a half-brother? My point is, the Prince-Princess thing was unneeded - “A Duchess For Christmas” would’ve been fine, Hallmark. I promise. And maybe that’s what the writer intended, seeing as how his working script title had nothing about Princess in it. So it was a weird “Huh?” thing that happens a decent ways into the story, so it’s like....???? 

The rest of the movie goes how you think, but it’s got some genuinely charming moments, and it’s *entertaining*. See, Hallmark? You can take a basic storyline and not fill it with teenage-level angst, then dip it marzipan and roll it in sprinkles. Keep. It. Simple. Let the actors do their jobs. The hijinks aren’t over-the-top, the kids act and speak like actual kids - there’s actually a few lines out of Jules that I side-eyed more. Some of the music was too cutesy-quirky for my taste, but overall, like I said above, Night. And. Day. from the majority.  

The dress they put her in for the ball at the end is absolutely appropriate, it is lovely and isn’t overdone (hair, minus the clip in it, looks awful, of course) and - realistically! - it’s different from the other ladies’ without being drastically so. And also realistically, the crowd isn’t gawking because she’s now the best thing in the room, they’re gawking because a commoner is amongst them. 

Here’s why this gets a 4/5, and none of these are deal-breakers, but there’s just too many to justify a 5/5:

There is a dance scene that is embarrassing for everyone. But! I’ll be honest - their laughing looked real, I bet behind-the-scenes they’d gotten tickled at something, and Heughan throws all fucks out the window at one point, and bless him, because he saved it - the both of them had enough rhythm that it wasn’t altogether hide-your-eyes worthy; the better choice would’ve been to do the waltz he was teaching her to a more modern song, different tempo than the classic (I’m going blank on it, I feel like it’s the Blue Danube, but that’s irrelevant, anyway you’ll recognize it), throw in some relaxed improv steps. Snaps also to Heughan for faking playing violin well - and snaps to the director for some clever close ups that never quiiiiite give you a look at his (again, props - moving) fingers.

Second thing - the not-quite-climax set-up. I’ve not spoiled the others on the rec list, so I won’t spoil this one, either, but at about a half-hour til the end, the script goes with a trope and I just rolled my eyes. Granted, it didn’t go melodramatic and they saved it with a touch of a twist, and it is genuinely sweet. Still. Didn’t have to go the full distance, could’ve been taken care of while she was prepping to do what she did. I know that’s cryptic, you’ll get what I mean when you watch.

Third thing - the side-plot of the whoever-she-is Duchess or Lady something that expects Heughan’s character to marry her is WAAAAAAAY too much. And it’s the actress, it’s not the lines. Her choices of delivery are just bush league, even I know better and the only thing I’ve ever acted in is a third grade play. I was a Lucy VanPelt-type character (quelle surprise) and I kicked ass.

Other things: that whole “Huh? Prince, what?” stuff, and I could’ve done with a touch less shmoop ending, but the narration saved it.

Okay! There you go! A good princess movie! The rest are garbage. 

And never, ever watch “My Christmas Love”.

Love, Nash.

#11

This is it, folks, last entry. And by "folks" I mean the maybe three who are reading these, and thanks, hope you've enjoyed. But the ratio of work-to-response isn't motivating enough to continue, plus the season's about over,  and besides, this has covered in the ballpark of 20-ish movies. I think. I can't be bothered to count.  So here's the last speed run, I'll cover some more than others, and I'll also note one final time my Yes You Should Watch These 4-and-5 Star Rec List with any updates at the end, as well.  

You'll still get a post all its own (with screencaps to paint the full picture and an official, free link of where to watch) on the fanfic-y-est ickiest of all Christmas movies ever. It is too precious for words. I can't not write about it. And on top of that, I wrote an actual fic based on the same premise, because per usual  I have seen a travesty that had potential, worked it over, then said:

#humbly

And without further adieu: here's your speed round of the ones to avoid at all cost (the 1 and 2 stars) and a handful that were all right, I thought, but when it comes down to it are a matter of taste and you may love them (the 3 stars).  Oh, and spoilers in several places, because it's not going to matter because on tons of these you'll either (a) guess it yourself or (b) shouldn't waste your time.

I’m saving you, here.

Christmas in Angel Falls (Rachel Boston [a-gaaaaaaaain] - Hallmark)

"Guardian angel Gabby Messenger is sent to the town of Angel Falls to restore its Christmas spirit."

::sighs::

No. 

As predicted, it was pure schmaltz (my note actually says "suicide by schmaltz") and the usually charming Boston was annoying as hell.

1/5 stars . A Royal New Year's Eve (Jessy Schram - Hallmark)

This one was so grating. There's a prince, she's a fashion designer, it has a bit of a Cinderella undertone (if you watch it you'll see what I mean, there's some boss as pseudo-stepmother and friend as fairy godmother and dressmaking and hidden identity action sprinkled in) and know right now that the prince's accent is inexcusable, it is ear-burning. I looked the guy up because I had to know his nationality, to make sure that I wasn't off the beam and that this was just some weird subset of fill-in-the-bank accent to which I was unfamiliar, but nah, he's from goddamn Milwaukee. That a dialect coach or the director or SOMEBODY didn't speak up is embarrassing, I hope he realizes now and doesn't have this on his reel.  And as always, Jessy Schram is dialed to 11 on her typical coked-up mouse with flippy hair routine.

1/5 stars . Four Christmases and a Wedding (Nobody you'll know - Lifetime)

What? Huh? So the premise is he just keeps leaving for work and showing up again at the town Christmas festival with the shitty prom that happens afterward that they call a "ball" and I assure you it is not. They also kinda blew their wad in the title. Also-also, she's Perfect McBody but has had attached to her the trope of I LOVE FOOD GIVE ME ALL THE EATS which personally makes me sick.

1/5 stars . Christmas Everlasting (Tatyana Ali, Dennis Haysbert - Hallmark)

I mentioned this one in passing in an early entry, it's based on a book, so... not "original" totally. Here's why this one doesn't get onto the rec list - it's predictable. It's well-acted, but the story was weak, and I saw the "twist" coming a mile away, and granted - as stated prior somewhere in past entry - I happen to be bizarrely good at that, but I feel like you'd see it, too. Again, this could be the "fault" of the book, I don't know, I've never read it (it's called "The Other Sister", btw), I just judge the movie. Anyhow, it's the same ol' same ol' of big city gal comes home, dead family member (aforementioned sister - you know this immediately though, not a spoiler ), but rekindled lurve, and hey, she's gonna stay for good this time! Bonus appearance of Patti LaBelle, though, which is a bright spot. 

The thing that worked my nerves the most was that they inexplicably got actors to play the main folks in flashbacks to 10 years ago who look *nothing* like Ali and the lead male (whose name I unfortunately didn't note, but he was familiar to me), and I'm not just talking hair, that and clothes are what they're supposed to do for changes in time period, I'm talking distinct facial structure and skin tone and height. It was, on god, the most bizarre "young actor analog" (for lack of knowing another way of putting it) that I have ever seen on film in my life, I'm not exaggerating. The genuine, heartfelt acting of Ali and co. is what gets this bumped to a 3 vs. a 2, because I didn't think it was a *complete* waste of time, despite the meh story.

3/5 stars . Santa's Boots (Megan Hilty - Lifetime)

These are my notes verbatim:

--> family department store --> hot flannel Santa --> tree farm --> exec who comes home to save the family business and she's gonna stay 4eva! --> wtf do the boots have to do with anything, I don't.... --> 2/5 stars - 1 b/c hot flannel Santa - should be 1 star . A Christmas Arrangement (it doesn't matter - Hallmark)

Flower shop, check. "Arrangement", get it? ::sigh:: You'll just *love* the first ten minutes, where the lead says "no" and rebuffs and in general tries to get away from this dude about a zillion times. Byeeeeee! Nash will be out after the first 15 mins (I give these 15 mins before bailing), guaranteed. [time passes] I was right.  Angel Anna (a.k.a. the real Anael, thankyouverymuch) co-stars, and she's a better actress than the lead, who is absolutely grating in every way. Oh, and the font on the flower shop delivery van is Comic Sans. 

1/5 stars . Every Christmas Has A Story (Lori Laughlin, Colin Ferguson, and Willie Aames who, it should be noted, has not aged poorly nor has he had obvious plastic surgery yet at the same time looks nothing like himself so figure that one out - Hallmark)

This should've been called Christmas In Hollyvale (I *think* that was the town), but whatever, she's a reporter and he's her producer, so "story". Get it? GET IT?! Lori Laughlin does not age, and Colin Ferguson can pull a face and inject snark on Jensen-levels, and they have great chemistry, both are funny, and are great actors, then there's Doug ("The Crew") who is a delight. The hotel attendant is a bit annoying. The "mystery" she solves is meh. And though the overall premise is fine, the pacing is sloggy, but it's not necessarily a complete waste of your time because your two leads are such great actors.

3/5 stars . Now, here's one that's terrifically bad that I actually suggest you *might* want to watch because while it's not the jaw-dropping holy shit this is stupid ride that will be the final entry, this one's pretty fucking fan-fic-y and should give you some snickers:

A Cinderella Christmas (the chick from Once Upon A Time In Wonderland with lips that look so fake I hope they’re not real because otherwise bless her heart, Mindy Cohn, and doesn't matter - ION)

There is a get-together they have chosen to call a Chrismasquerade, and technically I don't think I have to say any more. But I will. Fuck, this is amazeballs stupid. Only redeeming thing? The always-delightful Mindy Cohn is in the fairy godmother role, I love her, and she has pinky-purple hair, and I always have/always will adore her sweet face and crinkled eyes smile.

Otherwise....

--> is shite music a pre-requisite for these movies?

--> our lead has *very* distinctive lips and her hair/eyes/lips combo look *nothing* like her cousin (the stepsister sub) even behind the half-face mask, so props to the casting department for whiffing the shit out of that

--> the dude is an incredible, unlikable asshat

--> "A Snow White Christmas" is premiering after this, and it's Sunday, and I'm going to host CASPN instead, but Imma go out on a limb and say it ain't worth your time, either

1/5 stars .

Get ready: shockingly for me, I'm about to give you a pair of 3-star trope-premised movies. I know, I know, unlike me. But these actually pulled it off. The trope?

*takes deep breath*

Pretend to by my boyfriend/girlfriend for my family . (1) A Holiday Engagement (Bonnie Summerville ???, and Jordan Bridges)

It's what you think, but not for terribly flaky reasons - she *was* engaged but the dick broke up with her at Thanksgiving. And in a pleasant change of pace, she doesn't get a friend-who-will-turn-to-more to play the part, she hires an actor. Smart girl. Bridges is another one of those random actors you see off-and-on who elevates everything he is in, and the chick is great, and the family is well cast, and the waiter at the restaurant made me laugh out loud. The whole thing is snappy in pace (lil' bit of filler, but that's par for the course with these movies) and has some snappy dialogue in places, and overall it's not a waste of time, not too shmoopy.

3/5 stars . (2) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

Inventive concept here, though they kinda shit the bed with naming their business something affiliated with Christmas if it's clearly a year-round affair, but okay. What it is: a dating app that's not a dating app, it's purely for folks who need a +1 to specifically business/work social events, but also more formal family and friend events (so, say, Christmas party where it's not just family, or friend party that's not just show up in your jeans and sweaters - the cocktail stuff, is my point). The thing is, no one is pretending to be the boyfriend or girlfriend, it's supposed to be like "And this is Susie/Steve, an associate of mine from ____ business". Nothing romantic, no false pretenses, no lying to others (well... not supposed to wink-wink).

The chick - who runs the biz/came up with it/helped develop it - is needing to take on investors, and one of them is like "Sold! But can I get some firsthand testimonial? Have you yourself tested your product?" and since she's got shit coming up on her agenda, she does. Plus, her mom's on her ass about working so much and not dating since a bad breakup years ago, and it's compounded because baby sister just got engaged. (Mom is bionic woman Lindsay Wagner. She's not really bionic. Google it, youths.)

Dude is in a situation where he's not advancing at work because scuzzy kiss ass co-worker is shmoozing with boss during off hours because boss doesn't invite the single people to brunch or whatever with him and his wife, he's only inviting the ones who he knows has a partner to bring. I know to some of you this may sound absolutely ridiculous but, um, I've experienced this many times. This is not out of the realm. Not even a little bit. I had a gay boss who understood how this happens (likely because he experienced it) and he was wonderful about including everybody. Otherwise, yeah, I been there. I've digressed.

The leads have good chemistry, there was great snark and back-and-forth when they met each other a couple times prior to the set-up ('cause you guessed it: the app paired them with a high %age of compatibility - his sister suggested he do it after he heard about it on the news and he told her of his situation) and they click really well. There's touches of shmoop, of course, but this was an above-average story amongst the typical Christmas dreck, so it makes the rec list at 4/5 stars. 

Your rec list is now:

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

(5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark)

(4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

(4 of 5) Mingle All The Way (Jen Lilley, Brant Daugherty, Lindsay Wagner - Hallmark)

That's all, kiddos! See you next time for the worst of the worst, complete with screencaps. You will *not* be disappointed.

#10

Okay, if I'm gonna get to the fanfic-y-est of all the Christmas movies - and it will easily take up an entire post -  we gotta tear through a bunch because the season's almost over and you're not gonna have time to avoid/find these, depending. So we'll hit a high point first (because I've added to the 4-to-5 stars you-should-actually-watch-these rec list), and tear through a bag of mixed nuts, including the third David Haydn-Jones... treat... nah, this third one is the best (?) so far... though, um, that ain't saying much. Woof. Yeesh.

As a reminder - 3/5 means they aren't exactly a waste of time, 2/5 are debatable/up to personal taste,  and of course 1/5 means I will never get that time back and I'm that much closer to death because of the movie and what it drained from my soul.

Let's kick off with one that may be my favorite, and got a 5/5 score, update the ol' You Should Definitely Watch This rec list...

.

Love At The Christmas Table 

(Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson, the guy who played Luke on Gilmore Girls, several character actors you'll recognize, and the lead dude is familiar too though his name doesn't ring bells - Lifetime)

Look, from what I can recall, ol' Danica was fine in "Wonder Years", but as I mentioned in a past post, something has happened over the years and girl can't act. It's distractingly bad, because she's typically paired with heavy-hitters (even if they aren't well known). So I'm not sure if it's that she and the lead male really clicked or she really clicked with the director, but it was night and day. This movie is also from 2012, so maybe it's just been tough going acting-wise since then. In any event, don't let any other of my other reviews of her dissuade.

But the script and the direction are both *fantastic*, and I suspect it's partly because the concept was kept nice and basic: A man realizes that his best friend since childhood is the one. Boom. Lots of room to get some good character development and plot progression, and they did, since it's not bogged down with a bunch of extraneous stuff.

There is so much delight packed into the first half hour, you will be grinning. The execution of it is nicely done, too - as we go through the years, each Christmas is prefaced by "Age ___" to let you know how much time has passed, and they look subtly different in appearance and attitude each time. The parents are phenomenal, you're going to enjoy each one of them. The interactions between all parties feel real. And more on feels, this almost feels like a play - it takes place in a house for like, 90% of the movie. But every set is very cozy and crowded with things and/or people (in a good way), and nothing seems like it was perfectly placed, it's how these locations would actually realistically look.

The worst thing I can say about this movie is that I really wish the two leads were other people. They had fantastic friend chemistry, but I tell ya, not a ton of spark when it started bending romantic. And there are plenty of actors who look younger than their age, and maybe that's what this needed, more mature actors who could realistically be shown as teens with some sweet hair/make-up magic. Or, again, could be Danica. I don't know. But she comes across *legions* more relaxed in front of the camera here than in others I've seen her in, so that little bump in road aside (and truly, it's not intolerable - it's noticeable, that possibly poor casting of them, but it's not going to pull you out of the story).

You're going to love the last fifteen minutes, what she does for her dad, how he's walking and talking with his parents when she sees what----- I can't say it. I *genuinely* do not want to spoil this for you. And then the very-very ending is *chef's kiss*.

I want you to watch this movie, especially you who are fans of friends-to-more. Because, I mean, there's a STORY, thank you lord. It's not regurgitated same-ol', same-ol'. This is a really great character-driven piece, and honestly? I wish it had gotten optioned to be on the big screen. I think it could've really been included with other heart-grabbing, fan-favorite romantic Christmas movies.

5/5 stars

The (now newly) updated rec list of well-worth-your-timers:

(5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark) (5 of 5) Love At The Christmas Table (Danica McKellar, Lea Thompson - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark) (4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime)

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Christmas At The Palace (Not a person you'll have ever seen or heard of, ever - Hallmark)

I've regrettably watched "Christmas At The Palace" once through completely, and three times caught blocks of it because I basically leave these channels on all day, then when I pass by the remote, I'll flip through the main four giving us "originals" (Hallmark, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries, Lifetime, and the JV team over on ION), and that's that. This one has clearly been on *constantly*. And it sucks. Not one person - I'm not exaggerating - not *one* *person* in this movie can act. If you've ever imagined yourself in a movie or TV show and thought it impossible? Please let this movie give you hope. You can do it. Someone hired these people, they'll hire you.

Gives me hope writing wise, as well. What a septic tank of a script. Check it: once again we find ourselves in a royal circumstance where the prince is widowed or needs to get married because of blah-blah-law-queen -and-king -insist, who cares. This time though, he gets his Christmas boner --- I MEAN --- spirit via a former almost not quite professional ice skater. Seriously, they make a point to say she didn't make the Olympic team and isn't on the pro circuit, she choreographs for this travelling show thing. I mean characters with flaws, sure, but they shit on her in the first fifteen minutes. The whole movie in its entirety is embarrassing to watch. There is minor redemption in the (standard) best friends (one for each of the leads). They are.... tolerable. That's it, I almost said "okay", but I can't because they're so grating in most of their scenes.

And the two main gals? The lead and the best friend? Won't. Quit. Fucking. Smiling. I'm not exaggerating this - they are smiling easily 90% of the time. It is incredibly irritating. And there is zeeeeeeero chemistry between the prince and the ice skater.

Skip it. I can find something that's garbage enjoyable  in a So Bad It's Entertaining way, but this one is absolute stank garbage, and they are pimping it like it's the second coming.

1/5 stars

. Christmas In Tennessee (Rachel Boston [again], Andrew Walker, some kid with really jacked teeth, Caroline Rhea, and Patricia Richardson - Lifetime)

Aw, shit. Here we go. After the Graceland one with Kellie Pickler (which you'll not see me report on here because I couldn't sit still long enough to watch it because she can sing, but she sure as shit can't act) my hopes are not high, though they *were* renewed to a great degree with "Every Other Christmas", which if you'll recall is on my rec list for you.

Bakery. Christmas pageant. Real-estate suits coming after the teensy town to build a ski resort. One of them is cute man. She is cute baker. She is also a single mom. And there's a mysterious sweet woman "Mrs. C" who *loves* the cookies - and so did her husband "Kris" [wink-wink]

:: sighs ::

At least nobody's trying and failing to fake a Southern accent, god and small favors and all that.

Listen, all I want is for there to be some originality. That's it. I'm not looking for perfection, I mean, that's subjective, after all. (Well.) Just fucking... I mean, look: don't make her a single mom, to start. Don't make her a baker, second.  Keep your ski lodge in small town thing, fine, that's the conflict between them. But hey, what if she's the mayor? Have a Leslie Knope, politics-oriented, civil-service type as the lead character. Somebody who can go toe-to-toe and not have to sugar-sweet-charm her way around shit.

In any event, good acting from the leads, Caroline Rhea and Patricia Richardson are always good in everything, and there's some nice snappy dialogue. It's not too terribly saccharine. Fuck, fine, I'll stick it on the not a waste of time list it unless something goes way haywire. [time passes] Okay. I has a lil' smile on my face. It actually didn't typical too-too hard. The lead actors were great, everything seemed easy and casual between them. Too bad the plot was weak. Still though, didn't leave me feeling it was a total waste of time.

3/5 stars .

~ Let's do an Alicia Witt Trifecta! ~

. Christmas at Cartwright's (Alicia Witt - Hallmark)

"Nicky is a single mother, unemployed and broke at Christmas and desperate to find a job in order to make her young daughter's holiday a happy one. With the aid of an angel, she gets a job as a department store Santa." - It is pure cheese. Alicia Witt should stick with drama, hundred percent, it is astounding how pedestrian her acting skills become when she has to get sweet/touching/emotional in the absence of any heart-grabbing stakes (think Lily Sunder). So anyhow, this is some piss-poor amalgam of Miracle on 34th and It's A Wonderful Life, but I'm giving an extra star because kudos for making the chick the Santa. 

2/5 stars . Christmas on Honeysuckle Lane (Alicia Witt, Colin Ferguson, Laura Leighton - Hallmark)

This almost got off the naughty list purely because Colin Ferguson is a fucking delight in everything he's in, he's one of those "elevators" as I call them - Mark Sheppard is another good example - because they elevate anything they're in, however shlocky, and if it's actually good, they help make it even better. This, according to my notes, is "exposition dumps coated in cheese", and it's that ol' chestnut of the saving the family home and oh noes dead parents and big city gal back in town and wow she's gonna stay! You've seen many iterations of this movie, don't bother. The house is fabulous, though, I'd live in it in a hot second. 

2/5 stars (and that 2nd star is only for Ferguson - as stated before, Witt should stick to drama vs. awwww stuff)

. A Very Merry Mix-Up (Alicia Witt - Hallmark)

Once again, please welcome Alicia, this time en route to meet her future in-laws as a surprise to announce the engagement (well, and that he's been dating someone at all - he's a work-a-holic who never gets home much - matter of fact, he's stuck finishing up a deal and has to meet her there vs. ride together) and "through a serendipitous series of events" has to ride along with a dude who turns out to be her future bro-in-law, who proceeds to wreck her phone with a drink, and then wreck the car because he's distracted. The MD at the hospital tells them not to sleep for the next 24 hours and that they need constant monitoring.

(Couple things while I have you: The former is an old wives' tale, and as for the latter, if they need constant monitoring, they wouldn't be discharged, they'd be admitted for, you know, monitoring. Jeez this part was so stupid. It was so they could slumber party and bond. Because there was no other way to accomplish bonding than via stupid car wreck and representing med professionals as stupid. ::sighs::)

You know, this would be a great movie if the plot was that she was a con artist. It's not. But wouldn't that be great? And the romance comes in when she has a change of heart because shmoop-shmoop-shmoop first family Christmas she's ever experienced? WHY AM I NOT A SCREENWRITER HOW DO I SUBMIT THINGS TO PEOPLE

Anyway, we find out fiance is scum, and later we see that his family is stiff and cold and miserable and a bit *too* much of a contrast to the other family. There's a cookie baking scene, check. The leads have pretty good chemistry, though. But oh, quelle horror! Name mix-up! Wrong family! Oh noes! Anyway there's a thing with a story about grandparents and a clock that's legit creative and sweet... but at the very end, I don't get why t.f. he didn't put the ring they found on her finger.  This movie isn't a complete waste of time, there's just some choices in there that they whiffed that could've made it something special.  

3/5 stars

. Hey! Let's do another like that - but oh boy does this one take a turn.

Dashing Through The Snow (Meghan Ory, Andrew Walker)

You'll recognize Walker from the Tennessee movie with Rachel Boston, he's the one with the cheekbones you could cut diamonds on (no seriously, it's just skin on skull, it's mesmerizing) and you know Ory from lots of other stuff. Be warned: she is annoying as all-get-out in this movie, and it's tolerable, but it spikes every now and again into the I Want To Shake You territory.

This one is bugfuck bananas, and I am here for it.

So it's a eye-roll premise, she gets stuck when her flight reservation gets screwed and then there's no rentals so she and this guy who are going in the same direction agree to share a rental. 

Here's the thing: she's gonna work your nerves, I'll tell you up front. She's this whimsical perky but anal retentive ball of AAAAHHHHHH!!! SHUT UP!!!! that made me quit watching this movie the first time. I went back to it when it re-ran for one reason, and one reason only, and it is this:

After she makes a fuss at the counter to the attendant at the airport about her reservation being fucked up, when attendant is on the phone, she sneaks through to get to the other side (because, y'know - this is the Get On Plane side, over yonder is the Get Off Plane Side where it's easier to get to rental car vs. walking across the airport), and we learn that attendant wouldn't let her board and lied about the whatever was wrong and is on phone because homeland security or feds or whatever are there because some chick with her same name is an international criminal.

Phew! Out of breath.

Now, you have to overlook the fact of why would an international criminal who knows how to evade authorities all the sudden (a) use her real name and (b) make a fuss/a scene and (c) get herself caught all over cameras so that the authorities now know what she looks like for the first time in years. I'm warning you now. I know. I *know*. It's a piss-poor way of going about this, even though it does get explained in, like, the last 40 minutes and with a "Really?" sort of reasoning. But, interesting and unique plot, so I'll take it. There’s also a wonderfully cute puppy who lights up the screen, totes steals the show.

So, there's a "twist" that I didn't find to be twisty, I called it the moment ___ interact early on, but that's okay, I can let that go, I guess the endings of easily 95% of movies I watch (blessing/curse). But - AGAIN! - interesting and unique plot, so I'll take it. Only reason it didn't make a 3 is how annoying Ory's character is, and how stupidly they portray the FBI, with not listening to their top agent when he says "We're wrong - she had her identity stolen - call off the op." It’s not a “1″ but it may be a “3″ for you, you’ll have to make the call. But for me.... 

2/5 stars

. Hope at Christmas (The lead chick is familiar, her name is Scottie Thompson - Hallmark)

Single mom! Precocious daughter! Returns home to deal with dead grammy's house! Meet cute in bookstore! Mom not terribly into Christmas because kid will be with her dad! She slowly gets back into it! Plans on going back to big city! Ends up staying! Because lurve!

None of the acting was bad (I mean, the little girl is annoying after awhile), but as noted, the story is the same as most others. You make the call, folks. And you'll be able to, I've caught it airing after my initial viewing no less than four or five times, no joke.

2/5 stars . The Sweetest Christmas (Lacy Chabert - Hallmark)

This is about a gingerbread contest. It is boring as fuck. Skip anything involving Lacey Chabert, trust me, this is the only one I managed to make it all the way through, and believe me when I say it was touch-and-go, I had to make myself in order to give her a fair shake. I've never thought she could act, though, to me her voice is less delicate and more whiny, and besides, she's Poor Man's Jennifer Love Hewitt #sorry not sorry  

1/5 stars . Just In Time For Christmas (Doesn't matter, though William Shatner does show up driving a horse-drawn carriage - Lifetime)

Meet Lindsay, a young - too young to be up for tenure, bee-tee-dubs - psychology professor has to choose between a book deal and tenure track at a prestigious university versus accepting the marriage proposal from her longtime, totally adores, really loves him (they are VERY pointed about establishing this) boyfriend. But hey, screenwriters, got a thought, and hear me out: why not both? But I get it, since this movie is from 1975, oh shit sorry, 2015. Yeah, no. Pass.

1/5 stars

. And finally, DHJ.  This is gonna be short and sweet, because on the whole, it blew. But I'll tell you when/where you can watch the fourth, since I won't be covering it and it's gonna come on at an ungodly hour and I likely won't watch it. It sounds like ass.

A Bramble House Christmas (David Haydn-Jones, Autumn Reeser - Hallmark)

The premise is he's a children's book illustrator who comes to this little town under the guise of getting inspo for his next book, but really he's supposed to be confronting the nurse's aid to whom his now-deceased (and estranged) father left a shitton of cash, giving her an injunction (to the will) on behalf of himself and his sister.

But then, lurve. :::sigh:::

Understand up front that this is an hour's worth of "movie" that was stretched into 2 hours, man oh MAN did it drag. And there's all the typical: ice skating where one person sucks; cookie baking; tree decorating (with garish, not subtly-done product placement); also tree in the town square that is visited and "oooh"-ed upon; and precocious child with some oh-noes-sick-kid frosting on top. It is dreck. The premise, sure, okay, that's decently original, but the rest of the story is basic bitch in a bow.

At fifteen til quittin' time, it got straight dumb. She rushes off after she finds out the truth - on Christmas Farging Eve - packing up her and the kid and saying they're off to the airport. How? What? You got no ticket, bitch, where the fuck do you think you're going? Ugh. Idiotic.

One thing, though: if you can get to this in a manner that you can skip to about the 45 minute mark, do it. There is a *moment*. The way DHJ can pull an old Hollywood leading man *look* that says "My dear, I want to kiss you, and well" is a sight to behold.

2/5 stars (one of which is automatic, because DHJ elevates everything he’s in) . You can see the fourth DHJ movie - A Cookie Cutter Christmas - on Hallmark at 1 a.m. CST on Saturday the 22nd of December.

One last entry (#11, tomorrow or Sunday) then a #12 all its own for the pièce de résistance. I'm not overselling it. It is deliciously ridiculous.

#9

Candace Cameron Collection check-in: "Switched For Christmas" is absolute nutterbutters. It is ridiculous and it knows it, so it goes full throttle. I am really impressed with her acting, doing the identical twin thing must be a bitch and a half to film, and she pulls it off. The split screens are well done, too, and not just for TV movie, I mean it's good-good. I'm telling you nothing about the plot. It's sugary sweet, you'll get cavities, and it's not my jam but I couldn't turn it off so that means.... something, I don't know. There was no wine involved, I swear. It's on Lifetime.

But nevermind all that: I know I promised the fanfic movie to end all fanfic movies, but I'd forgotten I promised *before* that to talk about the next David Haydn-Jones feature.

So, last night (read: early this morning, and as of this writing so it may not have been last night at the time you read this) when insomnia struck (read: woke me out of a dead sleep to say HEY IT'S 2 A.M. AND SHIT'S KICKING OFF ON HALLMARK),  I groggily turned on the TV at about 15 after, and to what my wondering eyes did appear?

Hoo-boy. The look on his face says it all. 

Now, as you know, initially DHJ tried to dodge my investigation. It did not work. And I found him trapped between an over-the-cute-line-into-annoying cotton-topped child and Winnie Cooper in "My Christmas Dream" (Hallmark).

And sweet babby jeebus, did he carry this movie.

I like Danica McKellar in real life - not from having met her or something, I mean because she's a giant ol' nerd, she's a mathematical genius, legit (look it up, I can't do everything, I'm shouldering these movies, my brain can't handle it) and she *sparkles* in interviews. Having said that, she's got Claire Novak Syndrome. Put the actress who plays Claire (I can never remember her name, I've no idea why) in front of a camera and it's all dolly dead-eyes, one trick pony angst... and in everything I've seen her in, I've talked about it before, I won't rehash. Danica’s opposite in that she’s ooooooooverdoing everything. I would actually take some flatness. But it’s still Claire Novak syndrome because something fucking happens when the camera starts rolling and it goes unnatural and awkward to watch. Dunno what it’s about. Who cares, not why we’re here.

Anyway, I am only touching on this movie for DHJ purposes, otherwise I wouldn't bother, it’s not worth the time to watch or tell you about, truly. It’s not the worst, but even he seems to be phoning it in for the most part. So. She's a department store exec and he's an artist that's been doing handyman work, they hook up when his *incredibly* annoying child somehow gets to the store on his own to ask if his dad can work there, she gets him home, her car battery's dead, flirting ensues, blah blah biscuits, stir and bake til crispy, and it'll still be sloggy goo in the middle. It's just straight dumb. Don't waste your time. They have negative-integer chemistry, it's pretty embarrassing to watch, honestly.

1 out of 5 stars, and that 1 is all for DHJ.

.

That was short, let's pop off a couple more:

Marry Me At Christmas (I didn't note the network or the "stars")

Horrid hair gal meets sentient Ken doll-Archie Andrews hybrid whilst planning his sister's wedding on the fly. Small charming town. He's big city, Hollywood, specifically. Yes, it's the prince and the commoner tale but instead of a prince he's a movie star. Cue the blecccchh. As it's called Marry Me At Christmas, they kinda blew their wad in the title, the sister's wedding goes through as planned, so no drama ahead there.

I really can't say enough about how badly they did her hair. She's got super-curly hair naturally, and I'm not a hairdresser and even *I* know the answer isn't Weigh It Down With Product And Hard, Then Don't Even Finger-Comb It, So It Lays Flat Pancake From Scalp To Ear, Then In Creepy Porcelain Doll Spirals To Shoulders. She looks great when she's in a hat and it's an outdoor scene and it gets tousled. But it's distracting the rest of the time, is my point. Oh, then they inexplicably straighten it for the wedding - curly hair can look *gorgeous* in a formal updo. The one time they didn't leave it curly. 

Yes, this is the only thing worth discussing in the entire movie. Not even worth the bingo card. 1 out of 5 stars.

.

Speaking of hair:

Entertaining Christmas (Hallmark) - Jodie Sweetin, Brenden Fehr

Her hair, it's all I can focus on - it's this weird Southern mom bouffy thing when it's not pulled back somehow. Also distracting - and this is a lovely woman, if you've not seen her since she was a child on Full House - are the ill-fitting, unflattering clothing they've put her in. It appears Ms. Sweetin and I share an affliction of the stems, that being... (deep breath) ...hi my name is Nash and I have the legs of a linebacker. It's true. And not a ton of muscle definition, because when I do? Hoo-boy. Heavy-duty linebacker. Best they're left alone. 

Point is, if gals like us do skirts, it ain't flattering to go above the knee, it's just not, it wrecks the silhouette and makes our already chunky-monkey legs look even bigger. And dammit if they didn't do it to her, and not even bother to put her in tights. This woman has huge hooters and a tiny waist, they could've had her rocking some crisp black slacks or a pencil skirt that hit mid calf and a snug lil' cashmere sweater and BOOM, you're channeling Mansfield and Monroe. Bonus that she's a natural blonde. But no, let's put her in matronly above-the-knee shapeless polyester-looking dresses. Ugh.  

Okay, anyway - this is actually a decently inventive plot: she's the daughter of a Martha Stewart type, and she's "poised to be the new face of the brand" - problem is she suuuuuucks at all the cookie making and knitting and whatever. She's also of the thought that imperfections and unique family traditions are more awesome than the largely unattainable perfect-perfect blah-blah from mommy's magazine. I'll give them this: the mom is awesome and nice and kind and understanding, they were smart not to cliche it up and make her a hardass.

But even though it was a creative plot, it just slogs and is so bleh. If you haven't guessed the ending by that synopsis, I don't know what. It's, um... I mean... it's not great, but may appeal to some, so I didn't put it in the This Is A Horrific Attempt At A Nice Lil' Christmas Movie pile. Take that as you will.

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Let us end on a semi-positive note:

Christmas Pen-Pals (Lifetime) - Sarah Drew (who?), character actor you'll recognize immediately (for those of a certain age, it's the dad from Family Ties), other people you'll never have seen before in your life

This should've been called Christmas Cupids because it's about a thing called Christmas Cupids. The people behind these movies are *killing* me.

This one's good, and mainly because the premise is great, it's about secret santa in a potentially match-making way, but hey could also make a good friend. The set-up is that Drew chick is a total brain and she wrote an algorithm for a match-making app but it's so scientific it's boring and as her business partner at said app company put it, it takes away the spark. Which is kinda dumb, because you get the spark when meeting the other person, ain't none of these dating apps giving you in-person spark. Whatever, they're losing users so they need a kick. I missed the part about how she re-worked an electronic app into handwritten letters, but that's neither here-nor-there.

I'm not gonna tell you who she ends up with - you'll guess it nearly immediately, don't worry - but know that even though it's predictable, there's several really sweet and unique moments that I haven't seen in all these other 50,000 carbon-copy Christmas movies. The acting on the part of our leading lady is a little extra, and the other lead is a little flat, and the flow/cadence to the story isn't quiiiiiiite there, but I'm giving it 3/5 stars, so it's not on the rec list, but not a waste of your time.

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And just to recap the rec list thus far...

(4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark) (4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime) (5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark)

We'll see about doing a rapid-fire round-up next time, and maybe doing The Christmas Fanfic Movie That Out-Fanfics All The Fanfics And The Christmas Movies, but I legit want to watch it all the way through (I only caught the last half) so I can make sure I'm reporting accurately to the three people who are reading these (not bitter don't care doing it anyway).

I'm not overselling this, by the way. I'm not. It is *deliciously* bad.

#8

Okay, as a reminder, the only movies which I've given over 3 stars/would actually recommend you spend your time on (and keeping in mind that a "5" does not mean it's a great movie, it just means it's not overly sad nor overly shmoopy, and doesn't hit a grotesque amount of recycled plots on the bingo card) are: . (4 of 5) Every Other Christmas (Schuyler Fisk, Dee Wallace - Lifetime) (4 of 5) Operation Christmas (Tricia Helfer, Marc Blucas - Hallmark) (4 of 5) A Very Nutty Christmas (Melissa Joan Hart, Barry Watson - Lifetime) (5 of 5) The Christmas Ornament (Kellie Martin, Cameron Mathison, Jewel Staite - Hallmark) . Those last two we haven't talked about yet, so I'll cover 'em at the end of this entry - first we're gonna shoot through the ones that aren't a complete waste of time and have recycled shtick, true, but aren't teeth grinding due to the acting or directing or whatnots.

And we're doing this because next update, I'm going to spend the whole thing on where you can find the Whyenne some of you love so dearly, you reblog her every chance you get. It's her. It. Is. HER. Every mannerism, every word, every---- well, I'm spoiling. That's for next time.

Okay, these are all in the 2-to-3 Nash star ballpark...

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Dear Secret Santa (Tatyana Ali, Lamorne Morris) --> there's too much singing for padding the runtime --> you may like it more/find it more satisfying than Sandra Bullock/Keanu Reeves "The Lake House", and that's all I'm telling you plot-wise

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Kristin's Christmas Past (Shiri Appleby) --> it's exactly what you think it's about by the title --> there's a really cute, snicker-worthy scene near the start with her younger self, and part of it reminds me of the vibe of the rapid-fire convo in Mystery Spot

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A Twist of Christmas (Vanessa Lachey, and someone called Brandon Zub - I think - who is delightful) --> A dad and a mom are shopping for their kids and their bags get mixed up and blah-blah-blah ensues because they're opposites in many ways, but I didn't find it terribly grating --> it's an adorable sort-of snarky-sweet

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Road To Christmas (Jessy Schram, Chad Michael Murray) --> nice premise, he's a good actor, and she's... well... ::sigh:: --> this chick in everything I've seen her in... she apparently has one gear, and that gear is coked-up mouse that skitters everywhere with her barrel-curled hair vibrating around her head... but in this one, she chills as the movie goes, so it's tolerable

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A Christmas to Remember (Mira Sorvino, Cameron Mathison) ---> This aaaaalmost got on the rec list but I can't because the plot is weaksauce "Overboard" (80s movie, Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell, it's hilarious)... -->...but it wasn't the worst, because these two are such good actors, they sell it, and it's sweet, and keeps good pace, so there ya go

Okay, to the goods - next time we'll talk about the ass disasters - and one specifically that I 100% guarantee the fluff fans amongst us will love, despite my ripping it a new one. Which I'm going to do. Because of all these I've watched, the one we'll talk about legit flabbergasted me on many levels.

A Very Nutty Christmas

I am slightly biased because Melissa is a friend of a friend (sister-in-law, specifically) and she is good people, a hard worker, and a smart (heh) cookie. She knows what roles she nails (sharp wit, no shmoop, strong chicks), so that's what projects she and her mother choose (they produce most everything Melissa's in), she stays in her lane, is my point, so if you agree with that assessment, then you're good to go, this is classic Melissa Joan Hart fare.  

She's a baker, but not some "Waahhh this is hard" sort, and there's no competition, it's nothing but what you'd expect - lotsa cookie orders at Christmastime, but again, she's not super-duper stressed, she’s got the appropriate level of “let’s go, people!”. Now, here's the cheese that I don't want to chase you away: her decorative Nutcracker comes to life (Barry Watson) and helps her out. 

I know, I knoooow. And listen, at the first scene with him, you're gonna think that Barry'll be working your nerves through the rest - I sure as shit did - but stick with it, he ends up being very charming. You may actually be wooed. The character is completely sincere in all he does and says, and you’re happy to see her have this sort of person in her life, because she puts a lot on herself, and boy is that totally relatable.

Other good stuff is you'll recognize all the secondary characters (their actors, I mean), with the exception of the ex boyfriend, but he's well cast, he doesn't play the smarmy too heavily. There's also a good song behind the (standard) montage for once, and smart smart smart is their limited usage of Tchaikovsky outside of the blip of the ballet that we see. And kudos for that, too, limiting the ballet's role in the movie.

The whole thing is tied up with a very satisfying ending. It's fluff done right....

The Christmas Ornament

....and here's angst done right.

This isn’t about an ornament being magical or something how you might think from the title, I promise. It’s significant, but not in some otherworldly way. The situation(s) are absolutely plausible, it’s a believable story, and there’s not all this exposition that explains the characters’ backgrounds, it all unfolds organically, and you’re honest-to-god rooting for them, no matter if the story has them together at the end or not - you’re gonna find yourself saying “I’m okay with this happening for them either way, whether they stay friends or if it evolves.” On that note, kudos to the writer: Cameron’s character is very empathetic and doesn’t push Kellie’s character, not even once - he pushes her to get “out there” and interact with people and be social more than she has been, yes, but in a good friend sort of way (and Jewel’s character is doing the same - it’s in the “we care about you” way).

And this movie looks *fantastic*. The cinematographer and editor gave it big-deal-theater-movie-level treatment, no kidding. Some beautiful shots, especially some lingering ones at the ice rink. Bless the music supervisors, too - no shitty distracting music, and no one (if memory serves) sang for an extended period of time, if at all (I really don’t think anyone sang). Jewel Staite is a treasure, and for once the side-friend was actually necessary to the story, she was well-used.

I also liked it because Kellie’s character is self-assured in many ways, fragile in some ways - in other words, she’s real and she’s relatable. I took issue with one teensy thing, I didn’t track with how it was she was the one to apologize for a misunderstanding, because she actually wasn’t far off base; what she thought made sense for (1) how he’d behaved toward her, and (2) what she’d seen, and (3) what she knew because of what he’d told her prior. In any event, that’s the only real “flaw” (and it could just be a Nash thing) that I saw. This one’s well worth your time. 

  #7

This entry’s about “Dear Santa” (Lifetime), part of the David Haydn-Jones quadrangle Christmas tangle. The plot sounds decent - cheese, but decent. I love Amy Acker, and I love DHJ, this should be a cakewalk.

[15 mins.in] Oh. Oh, my.

Yeah, I'm busting out the Cheesy Christmas Movie Bingo Card, it'll be at the end. Let's see if we can get a win. At a minimum, I think we're gonna be checking a lotta boxes.

Other than our leads, we have poor man's Sean Hayes as gay best friend (h/t @butiaintgonnaloveem) on the scene, and he's outfitted in hot pink chef gear - AT THE SOUP KITCHEN - so that everybody's clear he's a card-carrying member of The Gay. 

Shitty acoustic guitar riffs, cool.

Precocious child plays the flute... and shittily.

There's a homeless man whose shtick is that he won't come inside, never a roof over his head again, and I wanna know (do I?) where he's taking his dumps.

Related, the music continues to be shitty, and I mean toilet-clogging.

Ice skating "lesson", check.

Holy fucknoodles, two grown women are in a food fight. I do not get why Dollar Store Justine Bateman (the snippy girlfriend, the one that is so off-putting it is beyond the realm of possibility that this kindhearted and jovial man is even remotely interested in her despite knowing each other a long time) is so vitriolic, as she's known Amy Acker about five minutes. 

THIS MUSIC

Christmas wish, check.

The green screen effect behind rich mommy checking in from the Caribbean is such ass, I am shocked. You Tubers have better green screens. How do you fuck up a green screen? You're a goddamn cable channel whose focus is movies. TV local news manages to do it with weatherpeople multiple times a day.

Acker and Jones save this dreck. The kid ain't half-bad, either. But they are the types of actors that everything out of their mouths just flows so naturally, even when the plot is ass. I love this Angel-SPN match-up.

JEEBUS HAROLD CRICKET he just said that they are *five* *figures* *deep* in back rent on the soup kitchen and - I quote - "I guess the bank's out of good will".  DO YOU THINK?!

"I thought little girls loved to play the flute" is a line that was just uttered, and bless DHJ for actually getting it past his lips.

I forgot to mention, Acker's displayed some guilt a couple times now because earlier, there was a meet-cute (okay, apparently a near-run-over) incident with a mail carrier, a letter flew out, and - I *must* quote @butiaintgonnaloveem here again - then "instead of giving it back, she commits mail fraud and opens it." 

Now, the guilt is because it's the lil' tyke's letter to Santa, asking him for a new mommy (dead parent/spouse, check) and she's also feeling guilt over tracking them down (why? boredom? sure, that's gotta be the reason, because to remedy the letter situation, you glue that shit shut and stick it in a mailbox, it's just going to an incinerator at the mail station anyway), but it's this misplaced Christmas wish that perplexes me. It's not like she nicked a bill or a wedding invitation or something that's actually important.

I'M A GRINCH

Oh he owns a snowplow business? That name again is Mr. Plow (Simpson's song ref, google Mr. Plow, I'm sure it's somewhere). And it's the song I wish I was hearing, this music is eardrum-thumping. It is a slobbery wet willy. It is *achingly* bad.

He just stared longingly at her and licked his lips, FML.

Now Acker's acting like a snotface. I don't dig it. I'd be cool with her being sharp and not taking the shit from Justine but being classy about it, they've got her being balls-out bitchy.

Why is it taking so long for the wealthy girl to be like HERE IS CASH MONEY FOR YOUR SOUP KITCHEN YOU BEAUTIFUL CREATURE DAVID HAYDN-JONES --- like I get your charge cards or whatever are snipped, but go sell some jewelry or clothes from last season and shit.

She had the letter in her clutch? She's carrying it around with her? Why? WHY?!? I hate stupid  writing. I hate it. Worse is that it's lazy. HATE. Why was it in her purse? Because someone needed to find it. And there was no other possible way to accomplish that, than having one of your leads be an absolute fuckwit, right? GRRRRRRRRRRR that stuff just works my nerves.

The confrontation scene is good. Neither are over the top. 

Well how's about that? Her Christmas present check will cover the soup kitchen's debt!

Enough with the shitty guitar riffs, it's like I'm watching an SPN ep, and, no, that's not a compliment.

The longest montage for padding runtime is happening, and with another shitty song (but a tolerable one, despite the singer faking a lot of catches in her voice - I would know, I have a natural catch in my singing voice that I had to fight like a mofo for about six years in choir, but I've digressed, just tuck that nugget into your Nash file), showing Acker moping and DHJ sighing, then him running by the soup kitchen to sit in his snow plow and angst, and then....

....oh lookee there! She did the thing. Sean Hayes - in a sheer v-neck inexplicably over a long-sleeved cotton shirt like I'm presently wearing because it's what I lounge/sleep in, with a Coach neckerchief to top it all off (on god, I cannot make this up) - is now sassing DHJ, saying the letter thing was fate. And I mean... yeah, it was, right? Whatever, if DHJ was single and I had the chance, I'd be happenstancing my way near him as much as (and smoothly as, natch) possible.

I CAN BE SMOOTH SHUT UP

Smooches near the town tree square or whatever it is. And now we're back, and now the homeless dude has agreed to come inside, and we still have absolutely zero idea why he doesn't like being inside, and they have (checks time) less than 2 minutes to resolve it.  *see below*

Nope. That's it. That's how it ends. The homeless man came inside. Because that was the primary arc. 

No. It wasn't. 

It should end with us seeing him come in, sure (I'll ignore the boom of Chekov's Gun firing in the background), but we end NOT with the moment between DHJ and random homeless dude - which, again, let me be clear is *exactly* what happened - but rather with him coming in and all the rest of the homeless comrades and staff and Acker and Jones greeting them, then we see our two main characters and the kid sitting down like a family, pull back, we see them through the window in which Christmas tree lights are reflecting, pull back further, it starts to snow, cut to credits. 

Imma give this one 3 stars outta 5. It wasn't a total ass disaster, but it wasn't that great. It was okay. The Bingo card concurs, as it didn't get filled up, but it got damn close to being a 2/5 (in my mind, every bingo = a point off because it means it’s so unoriginal a damn bingo card could’ve written it):

Addendum:

Butiaint reports that "the homeless guy wouldn't go inside because the last building he walked into was a casino and he lost 'every last penny', so he could never 'just step inside ever again'," to which I, very calmly, replied --->

I'll do an addendum.... that still doesn't... I don't.... what? That's.... why not just say he can't make himself sit down for a homecooked meal because it causes him too much pain because his family died in a car wreck going out Christmas shopping and a dinner/meal was his last memory of them? It didn't need to tie into the money thing with her, that thread was fine on its own.... goddamnit I hate stupid writing

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Back to quick round-ups and arbitrary ratings of a bunch of movies in the next one, once I get my notepad transcribed.

  #6

For some reason, this whole entry morphed into a recap of "Holiday High School Reunion" with Rachel Boston (Lifetime). You'll recognize this gal, she's been in others for Lifetime, and I personally recognized her for the pretty damn entertaining, sadly short-lived Witches of EastwickEnd series. It was a fan-frikkin'-tastic cast of awesome women, they made any sloggy scripts watchable. I digress.

I immediately empathized with this character because not even a quarter of the way into the movie she's (a) dreading her high school reunion, and (b) hates social media because she doesn't wanna have to justify/be asked about/etc. her life, as she's not where she wants to be. I personally would add onto that the distinct apathy regarding the details of everyone's life. It's either veneered in fabulous or dipped in drama-filled Debbie Downer. Blecchhh. I've digressed again.

There's been a brief funny daydream - if they do more, I'm in, it was pretty cute. And there's been a brilliant piece of screenwriting in this movie, and I want to share it for my writer buddies because it was a *pristine* show-don't-tell.

(Let me say here real fast, to paint you a picture,  that she's dressed casually - hoodie, and I think lounge-y pants or maybe pajama pants, or maybe just jeans, can't recall - because it's clearly way past end of workday, and the character I'm about to talk about is in a crisp white button-down and tie and suit slacks.)

Her father arrives to find her on a porch that's covered in strings of Christmas lights wound around the poles/pillars/whatever you call them of the railings, and around the trimwork of the house, and they're these great pops of vivid colors in the night, first of all. So we're seeing her standing there, smiling and happy to see him, and what's in the foreground is a series of bulbs along the window or door frame, and one of the bulbs is out.

Instead of truly greeting his daughter, first thing he does as they barely start chatting, and while she's speaking, is saunter over right into frame, blocking our shot of her, and give that bulb a twist til it lights.

My immediate thoughts: He's a dick. He likes everything just so. He enjoys perfection. He's not interested in effort, just execution. He zeroes in on faults. He actively ignores/doesn't care about the fact that his daughter is happy to see him. He doesn't consider her important enough to receive his attention first and foremost. He's a supreme dick. And he's gonna make her feel like shit for where she is in life, which is her biggest insecurity, which he should know, because that's how good dads operate. But he's not a good dad. Not at all. And I bet he's about to donkey punch her feels.

All that from a twist of a bulb.

And I was right: he proceeded to make her feel like shit by being snotty about her job and comparing her to his golf buddy's daughter. Then she still managed to sit back down at her laptop and focus on what she was doing and smile a genuine smile, and now I like her and feel for her even more. No one would have blamed her if she cried, or snapped at him, or slammed her laptop closed and had an Angst Attack, and those would be writing choices too. But the choice is for her to make the best of things.

We also know this because it is reinforced with another good show-don't-tell via actions (versus her announcing it ad nauseam or other people saying it ad nauseam), when red punch gets spilled on her white dress at the reunion and the snobs are like "Ohmigawd!" and gasping, she goes "Well I think it looks kinda cool!" She does snag a cardigan because she's aware it's an eyesore, so yeah, she's lying to herself. It's clearly a survival mechanism, her childhood must've been a dream with a father like she's got (rolls eyes).

And the lie(s) she tells is to avoid the drama of not living up to the "Most Likely To Succeed" superlative, and even then it's a relatively minor lie, she's not making herself super-duper fabulous because she doesn't feel super-duper presently. She's cheerful without being obnoxiously Pollyanna, and her dynamic with her best friend (you'll recognize him, too, he's the dude who dated Regina George and who Cady had a crush on in "Mean Girls") is phenomenal, they have great chemistry and I'll be honest, I see where this is going and I've got some faith in these screenwriter(s) that they'll actually pull it off smoothly.

There's been a dance/song routine and it is horrific and I hate it. I hate it hard. It's stupid and lasts too long and is purely for padding the runtime. But. It had a good point, albeit one that could’ve accomplished in less time. The three queen bees who were her fake friends in high school, and are her fake friends now, all remember this routine to a pristine degree, and of course we see our girl whiff it the more it goes on, she knocks over a prop, turns this way when she should've turned that way, and I feel her - high school is utterly forgettable. 

I’m about to digress, so skip the indent if it doesn’t apply to you - anyone reading this who is currently a senior? 

Enjoy it, it's your last year, enjoy being kings of the hill. I liked my senior year for several reasons but the biggest one was that I was getting the hell out of there. I was liked, I was decently popular and I made good grades and was in honors choir,  but I wasn't top-tier popular or the head cheerleader or the valedictorian or homecoming queen or always having a boyfriend, none of that, and what I was? That stuff I just listed?

None of it matters. I've not been to any reunions, because I don't care to reminisce. Not that it was horrible or something, it was... *shrugs*. I'm still friendly with the people I went to high school with, ended up going to college with a couple of 'em, matter of fact, and I like who we are as adults tenfold vs. who we were in high school. Because as grown-up as you feel? You're a child. You're all children. I was a child. We were all children (even the couple of gals who, um, had children/were preggers before all was said and done and diplomas hit hands). We were. It just is.

So I assure you: the people who still wistfully think about high school, the ones who "peaked" in high school? There's something mentally still childlike about them, and I don't have the time nor the inclination to deal with man/woman-babies. I'm a grown-up. So believe me when I say that life is about to open up like a motherfucker. And if you did happen to peak in high school? Leave that behind, too. Resting on childhood laurels won't serve you well, because other than some of those accolades getting you into college? Nobody - and I mean nobody - in grown-up world cares about that shit.  

Oh christ another song. And a daydream (pseudo-flashback? hard to say, I was getting a snack). But again, more reinforcement of how high school doesn't matter to her but super-matters to others, in this case how she (former head cheerleader) didn't place give much memory real estate to how she'd broken off things with high school boyfriend (former quarterback), but it's like the first thing he asks about as soon as they're alone.

"Wow well... that was a long time ago," she says, starting to think back, then ultimately says - "I thought you were cheating on me."

He totally was, I don't even need to see a flashback, hundred percent, he's scum.  Whoa shit, speaking of - another flashback whilst kissing him, but whoa shit part two, it went to a fun, happy memory with best friend. Not subtle, this movie - of course she'll end up with him.

The divas are now in the bathroom gossiping about her and don't know she's in there. Again, the not caring, this time more blatant - "She ruined the routine!" - "It's like she doesn't even care" - "Can't believe she broke up with him on prom night" - "He deserves better".

One of these bitches was the one he was cheating with, no doubt. They also talk about how one of them called around, found out her job wasn't what she passed it off as, that she's a wardrobe assistant vs. a right-hand-(wo)man to this swank designer. The Queen Bitch calls her "nobody", and the minor bitches are saying how they're her best friends and wondering why she wouldn't tell them the truth. Hey, cheerleaders: Gimme a D! Gimme an E! Gimme an L! ....fuck, this is gonna take too long.... Gimme a USIONAL! What does that spell? DELUSIONAL! *pom shakes* *high kick* *herkie* *round-off-back-handspring*

Oh lord why is she doing a weird impromptu cheer routine.... best friend jumped in to support and encourage and some people seemed to get into it but... the fuck? These screenwriter(s) are either on point or left field, jeebus.

Speaking of field, she and best friend are out lying on the football field, and they're talking fun memories - as in, the only ones that are vivid in her mind are the ones involving him, and vice-versa. I will give them this: the flashbacks are cute and short and don't derail the momentum. They're really well done. The songs are the whiff.  

Now the queen bees are discussing their next routine. THE !!FINAL ROUTINE!!! AND SHE HAD A SOLO! (Why the shit are they performing routines at their reunion? I've heard tale of slide shows and videos and stuff like that, but fucking stage shows? Damn I hope that punch is spiked.) One of the minor bitches - the sweet ditzy one - is weeping loudly when Queen Bitch says our gal's officially out of their glee club. But she says "glee club", as in... they're the only 4 members? No other members are in attendance at the reunion? Looks like it was a big-ass graduating class.  ????  Got me.

Our gal's mom - who is MARILU HENNER DID I MENTION THAT and has been woefully underused thus far - has overheard. Commercial break. I need a Mountain Dew.

We're back. Marilu is completely opposite of Dick Dad. Now we're in a random B story where one of the bitches is flirting hard with the principal.... and the mic's hot. But she ain't embarrassed, says she'll meet him wherever someplace at midnight.  Oh and I forgot that best friend's not-really girlfriend flew out to join him as a surprise and he'd been like "Wha..." and she serves no purpose. Even now, when she gasps and squeals excitedly "Oh you're in love with her!" She ain't mad, and good, because nobody cares. And she's all pumped because she's made lots of friends with these people she'd never seen before in her life.

Fucknoodles the !!!FINAL ROUTINE!!! is bad. Now the solo. Our girl's taken the stage and Queen Bee didn't put up a fight, just stormed off. And here we go: she's making a speech about how she's not yet lived up to the Most Likely To Succeed, but their votes meant a lot to her, and she's not giving up. It's good shit.

And then they start chanting her name (it's Georgia, btw).

And then she starts her O Holy Night solo.

*sigh*

This movie is well-written but there's *so* much unneeded padding to the runtime. And she's on key and there's nothing wrong with her voice but it's nothing special. So what? Lots of people can sing in tune. I don't get it.

Flashback. Yeah, totes cheating, and he admits it - which, if she remembers, then that contradicts the earlier conversation when he denies it... huh? - and now she's in the gym, where she's bummed about the breakup. Best friend rescues, gets her up and dances with her for the last dance.

Have I mentioned that everyone looks identically the same? And we're supposed to be ten years out? Seriously. Hair and everything. Except for - and I don't know why - the bitch trio. (Dear Wardrobe and make-up departments: WHAT.)

So yeah yeah yeah, they share the last dance at the reunion because the whole thing was a fucking talent show-prom do-over (reunions are just not like that, y'all, I know I haven't been to one but my mother has - helped plan one, matter of fact - and they aren't Prom Part Deux, nor are there glee club and cheerleading routines, nor are they scheduled around major holidays. Dear Writers: ALSO WHAT.)

Ending is rushed and is stupid. Holy shit, they whiffed it. They actually ended on the totally unneeded B plot of the prinicpal seduction (which, by the way, consisted of a whopping 2 scenes... possibly 3, clearly it made no impact). This is the stupidest thing, they ended on such a bad note it leaves an icky taste in my mouth for this movie.

This one gets 2.5 stars out of 5. It had 3.5 for most of it, and then when we hit that first routine at the reunion, man did the points start coming off. This was classic fanfic: a ridiculous premise, sure, there’s things you have to overlook out of the gate (like, say, how nobody sane would plan a farging high school reunion at Christmas, at least not if they wanted actual attendance) but the execution’s great for the first half and then something happens and brains melt and it swerves into oncoming traffic and gets hit by The Trope Bus. ::sigh:: Ah, well. 

Ermahgerd, "Christmas Shoes" is coming on *warning lights flash* * dives for remote, goes to safety of Hallmark Movies and Mysteries immediately *

Next entry: part one of the David Haydn-Jones Christmas movie trifecta. Finally caught one. It stars the chick that played Winnie Cooper.  And holy jumping Jiminy Cricket, was it bad.

#5

Candace Cameron will star in any movie that’s Christmas themed and I am determined to watch all of them. She’s typically cursed with a snoozeville co-lead. The Alaskan doctor one isn’t bad. The executive who’s there to examine the lodge one is absolutely snore-worthy. The one about the saving dad’s business with nutcrackers one is pretty okay. I am actively avoiding the newest one about magic shoes. Christmas shoes never ends well.

Double feature with someone I vaguely recognize as being from a CW show in the early aughts, but clearly not one I actually watched, or I’d remember. Anyway, broad strokes: one is from a couple years ago, she’s a single mom and there’s this locket with a nautical star on it that’s literally, um, locked, and..... it’s not brought up again til the end. You’ll know the movie because you’ll think to yourself “This doesn’t know what it wants to be” - is it about the locket and how it was a gift from her mother and she lost it and it was somehow pivotal to discovering who her birth father was? Or is it about the custody battle with the asshole ex-husband and her losing her job and being evicted? Or is it about the meet-cute then “crossed wires” recurrent situations with the shop owner’s grandson? I have no idea. But there’s precocious kids and a bakery. It had potential, and that actress is good and so was the co-lead, but script = hot mess.

Second one is about a poinsettia farm and stars Bo Duke/Jonathan Kent, depending on your generation. She’s from the big city and she’s a-comin’ home to save the family business! I assume she meets someone at a bakery, I wasn’t pulled in at all, my remote finger got real twitchy, but when I flipped back toward the end, surprise! She’s a-stickin’ around, she’ll run the family business, don’t sell the farm, screw her life at the other place with the things! 

I actually have another recommend: “Operation Christmas”

Solid script, and hella fine acting by one Ms. Tricia Helfer. I have loved her since Battlestar Gallactica, SPN fans will know her as the lady ghost on the road who doesn’t know she’s dead. That chick. Killa actress. You wanna talk about a good crier on camera? Top tier, here. My cold, black, shriveled heart actually giddy-up’d and I possibly got misty when she bursts into tears in this movie. Also stars Marc Blucas, who Buffy fans will remember as Riley, and I like him, too. 

There are precocious kids, and this coulda gone cheaply exploitative with the military angle, but it sticks the landing with only minor wobbles, it hits heartwarming vs. cheese. There’s an odd fixation on singing in the back half (several characters singing solo at various points), and it’s awkward to watch (and hear, because of the distinct shift your ears will detect between the “on set” and the “in recording studio” audio) because with the exception of one, when they blend it into a professional singer whilst slipping into a wee montage of Christmas tree delivering - or unloading, I can’t recall, who cares - the songs go on Way. Too. Long. 

Except.

What they did during the talent show during the Silent Night number? That sing-a-long? Now, that I wish had been a little longer. A+ job, screenwriter(s). The very-very end was saccharine, but it was short, and that’s what counts because I realize you were trapped, this is Hallmark Christmas movie we’re talking, you had to do it, you’d been steady through the rest of the script, they wanted their shmoop, no one blames you.

Something called “The Sound of Christmas” has just come on, and there was so much exposition dump in the *first* *three* *minutes* that the titular sound is actually gonna be the click of my remote control. Oh lord looks like the lead male is poor man’s Ray Liotta who’s a high-powered blah-blah-blah. And seems it’s precocious child: petulant teen edition. I’m out.

David Haydn-Jones continues to elude.

#4

Pattern detected: Plot--->

The conflict must be saving family business/home from certain doom

Business = service industry (store, bakery, gardening/plants/farm, lodge/hotel)

Female protagonist supes busy with her stuff and such in the big city; has to leave; returns; likely plans to stay forever

Precocious child, standard

Execution--->

One lead must be a notably better actor than other; neither may be on-point overall; if both are something, that something is teeth-grinding to watch and/or listen to

Exposition with (admittedly) necessary facts must come early on, and in dialogue dumps, preferably just one big fatty, and preferably between two people who already know this information vs. to someone who is not privy to this information

Character introduction/pertinent background must not trickle out organically over the first act via showing their actions and other characters' reactions; just throw in with that plot exposition dump

A big gun was pulled out last night - Patti LaBelle was briefly in one, watched some of it, was glad to see an original plot (mostly; see above, re: female protag mold) but then I thought better of it, googled, and yup, based on a book. Ah, we meet again, Not Original Story. This morning, tangentially related, something-something-rich-dude-reg-chick, and they were named Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet #fml #gag #stay away #get Austen out of your mouths  

Presently playing is one whose plot sounds suspiciously like The Parent Trap: Christmas Edition, Nashville Style. Sort-of, I mean, we start there, then I'm not clear on where they drive to, but it's still Southern, and props to the filmmakers for not going nuts on the snow, someone actually did some research. I will also compliment them for only letting the folks who have some form of natural Southern accent/Southern cadence use it, the rest speaking in standard North American accents.

Now, two things: I love the Lohan version of P.T., a lot a lot a lot, and I'll hear nothing bad about it. Secondly, I'm going to refrain from commenting on shite Southern accents in movies in general, this one and elsewhere, such as in the Kellie Pickler Graceland-set Christmas one that aired yesterday that I could only tolerate in five minute increments as I flipped back and forth to Law & Order SVU frequently for palate cleanses #Mariska sorbet

But it got off to a good start,  the opening credits were creative and unique, and I recognize the lead actors. Kids don't seem terribly precocious. Hmmm.

I shall give it a chance.

[time passes; returns to draft]

It's not Parent Trap, summary was garbage, it's not about the precocious kids, and no one has a high-powered career, no one is filthy rich, and both lead actors are really great. The chick is Sissy Spacek's daughter, I've seen her in other stuff before, have always liked her, I think she's talented. I recognize the lead dude from something I've seen before, too, he's a bit of poor man's Paul Rudd, but good. There's a somewhat difficult grandma, but she's not unlikable, you kind of get where she's coming from, and it's because it's Dee Goddamn Wallace, the queen of playing mothers (youngsters, google her, you'll likely recognize her, leave out the goddamn when you do).  

The background music isn't overly country-fied nor syrupy-shmoopy twinkle-bells. The dialogue is actually decent and delivered believably by all parties. The kids aren't annoying. The side characters are just that, left to the side, there's no best friend/sister taking up screen time. The leads have an easy, natural chemistry. Holy fucknoodles, I might recommend this one to you. I'm actually watching this one. I'm legit watching it.

[time passes; returns to draft]

What I said above continued, then there was horse-riding and acoustic guitar and even a classic car. The chick wasn't the one leaving to go back to what-the-hell-ever. Nobody was pining for anybody, and the conflict at play was completely realistic. Okay, yeah. Recommend. Hundred percent. This is the angst-turns-to-love with a dash of domestic life AU fic many folks keep trying to write and not quite getting there (Hi, I'm Nash, and I'm supes blunt when I'm under-the-weather), then your bonus that it's set at Christmastime.

The exposition on backstory was done pretty dang smoothly, but better was that we weren't told who these characters are/were, we were shown. *And zero flashbacks* There's several great, snappy, shot-across-the-bow lines. There's a religious element that is pitch-perfect and appropriate and not overbearing. The ending song is a smidge too long, didn't need to hear the whole thing, but it's kept simple and the lyrics are sweet without being cheese, so I'll give it that. Pacing overall is a little wobbly, they probs could've trimmed a good ten-to-twelve minutes of runtime, and there's a side character who blips on the scene that was poorly cast as his lack of prowess sludges up the vibe (charismatic, he ain't, maybe he's somebody's spouse *ahem*), but this one's pretty solid, y'all.

It's called "Every Other Christmas", starring Schuyler Fisk, on Lifetime Movie Network - it just premiered the other night, apparently, so with rebroadcasts you should have plenty of opportunity to catch it.

Okay, back to the shmaltz.

#3

My dearest:

[cue old-timey, slightly depressing instrumental courtesy of rickety fiddles; narration by Ken Burns]

Exposition anvils continue to drop from the sky with abandon, though I’ve not succumbed to my injuries, have no fear. 

Alicia Witt was lovely in something about a novelist who was rejected by both successful novelist boyfriend and publisher, but then meets very successful other novelist who is hiding the fact that he is such. I only caught the last quarter. Disappointed in lack of fanfic about novelists. I tire of writing “novelist”.

Our regiment (myself, General Pup, and Lieutenant Pup) is currently surrounded by a tale of a stewardess who has gotten entangled with a dude whose daughter she was in charge of because unaccompanied minor on flight. Dude is the lead from “That Thing You Do”, he was the next Tom Hanks before Colin Hanks got old enough to fill that role. I am saddened this dude has not gotten mucho awards. None of this matters.

I am more of the sads that the flufferfic-ers have not stalked and mauled and chewed on the carcass of the premise of Whyenne being a flight attendant who captures Dean’s heart when she captures his vomit during a flight to wherever to do something. Or, scratch that; she magically cures him of his fears with her enchanted hoo-hah, because that’s how phobias work. And assuming there’s plot, the hunt for the whatever can take place on the plane, like that Harrison Ford movie or that Jodie Foster movie or that Kurt Russell movie. It would have to be a big-ass plane. They could still bang in the bathroom, even though there’s plenty of places to go.

I have no more plot to give, I am exhausted and according to the thing, you know, the thingy that tells what’s on next, there’s no restorative Candace Cameron in the near future. I may have to settle for one of the Duff sisters.

David Haydn-Jones remains elusive.

General Pup is barking orders. I must end here. Ever yours - Nash. #send vodka

[Transferred 2nd post]

#2

Report from the front line:

There’s been a Denise Richards bakery-related jam. Also a Lacey Chabert - who is a baker - jam. The first had a Christmas cookie contest, the latter a gingerbread competition. Not to be confused. Something with people I’ve never seen before in my life just started, about a big CEO and a bakery. Candace Cameron was in another one, and though it’s bakery-free, those are all starting to blend together.

Send rations.

[Transferred 1st post]

#1

I have felt like garbage and been homebound for two days, and then today (oh blessed event, and I am dead serious, I love it) the onslaught of Fanfic Movie Time has begun, a.k.a. Totes Ridiculous Christmas Situation Lurve-Conflict-Lurve Movie Season on Lifetime/Hallmark/that other network I can never remember the name of, and due to foggy brain I got sucked in. There was a king and ice skating, something about Louisiana with JDM’s wife where everybody’s hair looked horrendous, and then another one with Candace Cameron in Alaska. It was great. Legit. I haven’t laughed as hard. It helped me cough up disease. #bless you Candace

[mittensmorgul]

What does your tnt loop tag mean??

Hi hi! I assume you mean “spiders georg of the tnt loop“? It’s mostly a joke @ myself. You know the Spiders Georg meme?

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted”

Well, “average person watches Supernatural once,” and I’m Spiders Georg who is an outlier and should not have been counted. Since I discovered the TNT loop was even a thing back at the end of s7, I’ve been watching it almost every day since then.

They show four episodes a day, five days a week, on average. Sometimes they have an all day marathon, sometimes spn gets bumped for holiday programming or a special event. But average? Four episodes a day.

When I started watching, there were only 149 episodes of Supernatural. When they got to the end of s7, they just looped back to the pilot again. It took about 5 1/2 weeks to watch through the entire series at that rate.

Now it takes about three months. But heck, I have watched it all the way through more times than I can count at this point.

People constantly ask me how I recall weird minor details from long-past seasons. This is how. Six years worth of watching it on a continuous loop.

I am an outlier, and should not be counted.

Unless you’re looking for minute trivial details from ages ago, I guess? Like Spiders Georg sitting in my cave, except I’ve stockpiled Supernatural trivia instead of spiders.

[webcricket]

Home is Where the Hearth Is

Characters: CastielXReader ft. Jack Kline, and Sam and Dean Winchester

Word Count: 1376

A/N: Drabble for my SPN Advent Challenge December 21 Prompt Tradition - Yule Log. Pure smol Jack-based fluff.

“What are you doing?” Jack asks from the stair landing of the electrical room.

You hoped not to be interrupted until everything was in place, but Jack’s innocent habit of sneaking up on you no matter where you are in the bunker prevailed again. And he always has questions – so many questions to satisfy a seemingly endless curiosity about the world. At least the answer to this one is significantly less awkward than the explanation required the night he burst in on you and Castiel deeply engaged in the most intimate of pursuits behind your locked bedroom door. Jack had been so proud of picking the lock, just like Dean taught him. He stood there, beaming smile plastered across his face, staring at you and the angel tangled naked, flushed, and panting in each other’s arms and having no idea he was supposed to be bashful about the intrusion.

You peer over your shoulder and study his expectant expression. You can tell he wants to ask again what you’re doing; he practically vibrates with inquisitiveness. There are a number of truthful answers to the boy’s question: Nothing. Possibly burning the bunker down. Finding creative new ways to piss off Dean. You choose the one least likely to send him immediately searching for a Winchester. “Oh, I’m building a yule fire to light the darkest day of the year for us.”

“Oh?” Even this simple utterance is somehow phrased as a query.

You turn toward the hearth fashioned into the wall. The same wall Dean blew up with a grenade launcher some time ago in desperation because it contains a pipe venting to the outside surface. The wall you’ve painstakingly excavated over many months in your precious free time because if you have to live underground like animals with no windows you at least want a proper fireplace and a mantle to add some civility to the place. And a proper homey gathering place that is a research free zone. “You want to help?” It’s a silly question. Of course he wants to help, he’s doing everything he can not to jump over the railing.

“What’s a yule fire?” He moves with such speed you don’t realize he is next to you until his voice is startlingly close. “We live underground – how is this day any darker than the other days of the year?” His fingers tap the surface of the wood mantle and he picks up the holiday decorations you have sitting on the narrow ledge and turns them over in his hands to examine them. “Who is this tiny man with the white beard supposed to be?” He squats in front of the carefully stacked logs in the iron rack in the center of the hearth and leans over the stones to squint up into the converted flue. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to have a fire indoors? It’s my understanding that combustion-”

“Woah, slow down there, kiddo!” You grasp his shoulder and pull him out of the fireplace. You sit cross-legged on the floor and encourage him to mimic your action.

He settles as instructed, rapt attention fixed on you.

“A yule fire is a very special fire. On the shortest darkest day of the year it brings family together to remember everything good and bright that has happened throughout the year and light the way into the next.”

“Good things like what?”

“Like you, Jack.” You smile and reach out to ruffle his hair. “And this-” You pluck the felted St. Nick from his clutches. “-is a jolly fellow known as Santa Claus. He’s a sort of ambassador for the holiday of Christmas. He delivers presents down the chimney to all the good little boys and girls of the world on Christmas night.”

“Like me?” he asks, hopeful.

“Yes, like you.”

His cheeks tint a rosy pink. He never tires of hearing about his goodness, though he doesn’t always believe it. He also really likes presents. “I like presents,” he confirms with a goofy grin.

“And it’s a perfectly acceptable idea to have a fire inside assuming I’ve done everything correctly. I couldn’t exactly call in experts to visit our super-secret lair for a professional installation.”

“What if you didn’t do everything correctly?” He casts a wary glance at the hearth.

“Well, then maybe you should sit a little further back while I light it,” you warn and shoo him backward, “just in case.” Scrambling to your feet, you retrieve the box of long matchsticks from the mantle.

Holding his breath, Jack watches your every move.

You strike the match along the edge of the box. Sulphur hits your nose as the orange flame flares then fades to pale yellow and blue. Cupping your palm over the small spark to protect it, you nestle the match in the kindling beneath the logs. At first it smolders, thick grey smoke wafting into your face as you blow gently on the twigs until they begin to pop and crackle. Tendrils of flame lick the larger logs, igniting the peeling bark and reflecting flashes of amber and shadow on the walls of the hearth and room as the logs become fully engulfed. A steady warmth radiates out into the room to caress your skin.

“It’s beautiful.” Jack moves closer, drawn to the flickering dance of heat. The fire pops a fiery bit of ash onto the floor at his feet and a concerned furrow wrinkles his brow as he observes its fading glow. “But won’t Santa get hurt if there’s a fire burning when he brings the presents?”

You smile, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. “You don’t have to worry about Santa, Jack. He’ll be okay.”

“Okay, good.” The tenseness seizing his aspect relaxes, replaced by a thoughtful smile. “Maybe we should go get Sam and Dean and Castiel so they can be in the light and remember the good things too.”

“I think that’s the best idea I’ve heard all day,” you agree. “Why don’t you go find them.”

He’s on his feet almost before the words fall from your tongue. Eager to share what he has learned, he scampers up the stairs without looking back.

You sit once more at the base of the hearth to wait, drawing your knees to your chest. You peer around the electrical room – your labor of love these last months. You can’t believe it all came together – and after the events of the past year, precisely when you and the boys needed it the most. The starkness is softened by the addition of an overstuffed couch, chair, and plush carpet. Your eyes glint over the twinkling pine tree in the corner awaiting ornaments – that’s a project you want everyone to help complete. There’s a pile of stockings stacked below its needled boughs, ready to be hung on the mantle with care – the names of Sam, Dean, Castiel, and Jack embroidered on the festive plaid fabric. The only thing missing from the cozy space is –

“I’ll be damned,” Dean’s unmistakable gruff voice booms out. He stands on the landing, hands planted on his hips, chin wagging in disbelief.

“How? When-” Sam’s mouth gapes in wonder, fingers running through his hair as he takes it all in, “-when did you do all this?”

You hear Castiel’s baritone reverberating off the walls of the hall before he appears in the doorway, “I can assure you there is no fireplace in the bun-” The angel’s blue eyes fly wide, glittering in the ambient firelight.

Jack trots hot on the tails of his trench coat. “I told you!” he proclaims. “It’s a yule fire,” he adds, shooting you a knowing glance. “Isn’t it wonderful?” Still with the questions, he hops down the stairs, spinning and gesturing around the room.

No Jack, you think, happily grinning up at them all, rising to meet their open arms as they surround you in warm embraces, it’s not wonderful – it’s perfect.

Jack shows Sam and Dean the hearth, animated as he relays the concept of a fireproof Santa to the brothers. They’re patient with him, properly awestruck given his pure enthusiasm, even Dean.

Your angel lingers at your side, winding his arm around your waist and hugging you near to press a kiss to your forehead.

[holylulusworld]

2022 SPN Christmas Bingo Masterlist

Preview for the upcoming fics to fill the squares.

(Please consider none of the stories are available yet.)

Stories written for: @spnchristmasbingo​​

Find 2021 SPN Chrismas bingo here: 2021 SPN Christmas Bingo Masterlist

Square 1: Safe trip (Dean Winchester x Reader): Road trip

Square 2: Big grump (Dean Winchester x Reader): Photographs

Square 3: ??? (??? x Reader): Building a snowman

Square 4: ??? (??? x Reader): Sledding

Square 5: ??? (??? x Reader): Friends to lovers

Square 6: ??? (??? x Reader): Elf on the shelf

Square 7: ??? (??? x Reader): Skiing

Square 8: Wrapped (Alpha!Sam Winchester x Omega!Reader): Decorating

Square 9: Summer in Winter (John Winchester x Reader): Secret relationship

Square 10: ??? (??? x Reader): Opening a present on Christmas Eve

Square 11: ??? (??? x Reader): Taking the decorations down

Square 12: ??? (??? x Reader): Hot cocoa

Square 13: ??? (??? x Reader): Secret Santa

Square 14: ??? (??? x Reader): Christmas Eve

Square 15: ??? (??? x Reader): Velvet

Square 16: Cabin of love (2) - A short ride (Alpha!Dean Winchester x Reader): Road closed

Square 17: ??? (??? x Reader): Popcorn

Square 18: ??? (??? x Reader): Lingerie

Square 19: I never was (Dean Winchester x Reader): Coming home for Christmas

Square 20: The pie whisperer (Dean Winchester x Baker!Reader): Pie

Square 21: ??? (??? x Reader): Ice skating  

Square 22: ??? (??? x Reader): Alone at Christmas  

Square 23: Eggnog rocks (Dean Winchester x Wife!Reader): Whiskey

Square 24: From Santa with love (??? x Reader): Sending Holiday cards 

Square 25: ??? (??? x Reader): Taking a bath 

Beautiful X-Mas divider by @firefly-graphics​

Find more special events/bingos here: Special Events & Stories Masterlist

[caiotlyn]

Home for the Holidays

Title: Home for the Holidays

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Words: 1462

Warnings: mentions of parental death, slight angst

A/N: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, my lovely readers! Here’s a fluffy little Christmas fic for y’all. Hope you’re all having a wonderful holiday, and if not, feel free to message me or send me an ask and we can hang out! :D

This fic takes place pre-season one, so Sam‘s just left for college, and Dean’s on his own.

Also, this is my first time using a tag list, so I’m sorry if I tagged you on something you didn’t want to read or if you just didn’t want to be tagged in general. Just send a me a message and let me know you want off!

Feel free to check out the rest of my masterlist!!

~~~

The dingy bar smelled strongly of smoke and alcohol, but Dean needed a drink, and that was all he could focus on.

He huffed as he sat on the barstool and gruffly asked for a beer. The bartender  gave Dean his drink and hurried off to help the next customer. Dean took a swig from the bottle, not really caring that the drink tasted funny.

He had been somewhat emotionless these past few days; for once he’d be spending Christmas alone. Sure, he never celebrated much when Sam and their dad were around, but at least he wasn’t holed up in some random flyover state getting drunk off bottom shelf liquor.

“Is that Dean Winchester I see sitting alone on Christmas Eve?”

Dean spun quickly, recognizing the person’s voice almost immediately.

“Y/N?” The girl jokingly curtsied, and the two laughed. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!” Dean hopped off the barstool to pick the girl up and spin her around. “How long has it been? Three years?”

“I think we’re coming up on four now, but who’s counting?” Goodness, that smile on her still seemed to melt Dean’s heart, even after all these years. “What’ve you been up to? Where’s your old man?”

“He’s, ah, occupied at the moment. I actually don’t know where he is right now. I split off from ‘im a while ago.”

“Oh… well that’s too bad. Last time I saw John he got so drunk that he started telling me stories about your toddler days,” Y/N said with a chuckle.

Dean jabbed a finger at her chest playfully. “I’ll have you know that I was an adorable child.”

“You keep sayin’ it, and I just might believe it.”

“So,” Y/N started as she took a seat at the bar, Dean joining her. “What’re you doing in a crappy bar on Christmas Eve, anyway?

"Sam’s in California, Dad’s who knows where, and I’m here–not much to it.”

"Well, if you’re up for it, I’m getting some friends together, and we’re gonna be celebrating the holidays up at our cabin. Why don’t you join us?” Y/N smiled warmly. “It’d be a great time to catch up. From what I’ve heard, you and your dad have been all over the place.”

Dean didn’t have to think twice about his answer. “I’d love to.”

~~~

Y/N’s cabin wasn’t anything special. It was a typical log cabin in the woods. Snow covered the entire property, and white string lights trimmed the roof. Frost covered the windows, but Dean could see the warm glow of light and the numerous silhouettes of the people inside.

Immediately entering the cabin, the smell of apple pie and honey-glazed ham hit Dean’s nose. His eyes drifted to the living room where a group of people were talking over beer, and a fireplace crackled in the corner.

Dean felt a bit out of place–like he was intruding on an exclusive family event.

Y/N seemed to notice Dean’s uneasiness and took his elbow and led him to the kitchen.

There, a woman with long, braided hair and a puffer vest was taking a pie out of the oven while a bald man with a lumberjack-esque beard was chopping carrots.

“Rebecca, Quentin!” Y/N called, holding her arms out for a hug.

“Oh, it’s so good to see you, doll,” Rebecca said as she returned Y/N’s embrace.

“How’s it going, Y/N/N?” Quentin asked.

“I mean, you haven’t managed to burn down the cabin yet, so I’d say pretty good.”

Quentin threw a piece of carrot in her direction and mumbled a “shut up.”

“Guys, this is my friend, Dean.”

Rebecca and Quentin both said a cheery “hi,” and Dean was put a bit at ease. Y/N excused herself and Dean from the kitchen, eager to show him around.

“Come with me for a second,” Y/N said.

She led Dean down the hall past the living room and into a bedroom, closing the door softly behind them. Dean looked around the room, taking in all of the details with interest. He assumed this was Y/N’s room based on the photo garland above the bed. One specific photo caught Dean’s eye. It was a polaroid photo that Y/N had taken of the two of them the last Christmas they saw each other.

Dean gifted Y/N an instant camera that Christmas, and she couldn’t stop taking photos all day; Dean had to stop her so she wouldn’t run out of film too quickly.

This photo in particular was taken by Sam. It was the Christmas before he left for college. Y/N and Dean were both sat on the floor in front of their puny little tree. They were wearing matching Christmas sweaters that Sam had gotten them and had their arms around each other, laughing with wide grins and rosy cheeks.

Dean remembered loathing the holidays, but as soon as Y/N showed up, everything was instantly better.

Dean’s mind then drifted to the years when Y/N first came into his life. They were both tweens who were cooped up at Bobby’s at the same, and they’d been almost inseparable. John finally picked Dean and Sam up after a few months on his own, but by then Y/N was already long gone, out on the road with her own father.

They ran into each other a few years later, both seventeen and getting ready to start their adult lives. They were both at Bobby’s again, this time for completely different reasons. Y/N’s father had died while hunting a djinn, and Dean was just stopping by for supplies. He saw her huddled in the corner of one of the guest bedrooms, and his heart nearly broke. She wasn’t crying or anything–her face wasn’t even red.

She just looked numb. Empty. Broken.

Dean knew because she looked the exact same way he did when Mary died.

He slowly entered the room, and as soon as he sat on the bed, Y/N wrapped her arms around him and sobbed into his chest. They spent the night in each other’s arms, and Bobby didn’t seem to mind one bit.

After that night, Dean promised himself that he would never see Y/N like that ever again.

The Christmas that was captured in the photo was the first one where Y/N was actually herself.

Now here they were: celebrating the holidays together in a cozy cabin and finally catching up after so many years.

Y/N laid down on one side of the bed and patted the spot next to her. “Don’t be shy, Winchester. We’ve done this before.”

Dean slowly climbed in next to her, and she snuggled into his side. They laid there for a few minutes without talking, simply enjoying the other’s closeness.

“Uh, not that I really mind, but why’d you bring me in here?” Dean asked, breaking the silence.

Y/N sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “Just wanted to be near you is all.”

“You’ve still got feelings for me, don’t ya, Y/N/N,” Dean teased.

“Shut up,” Y/N replied, shoving his shoulder.

“So what if I did,” Y/N said after a few minutes.

Dean leaned his head back to look at her face and found that she was completely serious. His heart did a flip, and a wide smile broke out of his face. “Well I’d say that I still have feelings for you, too.”

Y/N peered up at him and smiled. Without thinking, Dean leaned in and kissed her, cupping her face with one hand. For a moment she didn’t respond, and Dean was getting ready to pull away when she winded her fingers in his hair. The beer on his tongue mingled with her peppermint chapstick. A feeling of warmth bubbled up in Dean’s chest, his sense of longing now fulfilled. He and Y/N fit together seamlessly, like the kiss was meant to be.

A soft knock at the door abruptly ended the moment.

“Food’s ready!” the voice on the other side called.

“Be there in a second!” Y/N replied.

She turned back to Dean and groaned into his chest, and he chuckled at her annoyance.

“C'mon,” he said. “Let’s go get some of that delicious pie.”

“You and your freaking pie.”

The atmosphere in the main part of the cabin was one of comfort and happiness. The food was great, and the people were more than eager to welcome Dean into their little family.

Although he barely knew anyone, he had Y/N by his side, and that was good enough.

Dean might not be seeing his family for quite some time, but with Y/N, it was like he was already home.

~~~

Mrs. Whozeewhatsis Tags (+ a few others that I think might enjoy this):

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