#and this cast is fucking spectacular

[rpg-queen]

Ooo DesiQuest releases on November 14!!! This looks so good, I'm super excited!

[oddlyenthusiast]

Jacob Anderson Emmy award when? Assad Zaman Emmy award when? Eric Bogosian Emmy award when? Sam Reid Emmy award when? Delainey Hayles Emmy award when? Luke Brandon Field Emmy award when?

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[grymmdark]

making the other person you're working on in a project actually do work so you aren't doing it on your own Vs. just doing it on your own because they have no idea what they're doing is the hardest decision

[unproduciblesmackdown]

For today’s video, I give you one of the longest standing Christmas Extravaganza traditions: The Virgin Mary and The Virgin Mary Dancers cheering up Santa with their burlesque rendition of “Santa Baby” feat. Sabels, Suspenders, and Stripping. The ‘Nice List’ always was overrated, anyway. Choreo by @cogrobs, Costumes by @bren_bash

[bipherpol]

i still want to know what the hell kind of black magic is going on in that casting department

[eddies-ashtray]

have y’all seen the wilds on prime video?? it’s become one of my favs and i just found out it’s been fucking CANCELLED

[theghostofashton]

.

[kimberellaroo]

I know a lot of people are hurting because Netflix is cancelling great shows but also everybody needs to see Kaos, it's fantastic, it's like Greek mythology fic modern AU, it's hilarious, the cast is perfect, the sets are spectacular, Billie Piper is Cassandra, the Fates and the Furies are awesome, I'm just a little bit in love with Dionysus, and Jeff Goldblum as tasteless rich Zeus having a midlife crisis is perfect, and surely Netflix wouldn't cancel a Jeff Goldblum show would they? Would they??! No of course not, Jeff Goldblum-Zeus would smite the fuck out of them hahaha, please give me more

[fbfh]

Tristin Dugray relationship and intimacy hcs

wc: 1.1k

pairing: tristin x afab reader

genre: smut smut feelings smut

warnings: dumbfucking, tristin is a cocky bastard and a slut and a whore (all affectionate), pussydrunk tristin, brief mentions of exhibitionism and tristin having bull energy, hickeys, cute jealousy, tristin is an attention whore (affectionate), other girls are jelly of you bc tristin likes you that fuckin much, tristin has a vaguely bad homelife, use of mary as a pet name

song recs: mary - alex g, break my heart - spectacular cast

a/n: this boy.... has consumed way more of my brain space than I anticipated??? he grabbed me by the fucking throat lol

tags @yesv01 @magcon7280

As with all nsfw works all characters are aged up to 18+

That being said HOLY SHIT LETS GET INTO IT

Tristin Dugray is one horny motherfucker

Like really seriously horny

Stage 5 thirsty for you specifically 

Like I said in that one drabble he’s a cocky attention whore until a certain point

Then he just gets completely stupid

His goal is to fuck both of you absolutely dumb, and he’s really good at it 

Even when he has you both completely stupid, he’s still gonna keep going 

Like until he collapses on top of you 

But before he gets so pussydrunk that all he can do is pant and grunt and whine in your ear

He absolutely talks you through it

God this boy just can’t shut up can he

So he’ll guide you and tease you and coax more and more out of you

He’ll call you mary and babble out praise

And he’ll soak up every expression you make

Every noise you let out

GOD just looking at you??? It takes so much energy not to cum on the spot

Tristin already knows that no one can fuck you like he can

But he’s even more willing to prove it for you

Not gonna lie, he has major bull energy

Tristin can sweep you off your feet and charm you away from anyone else vying for your attention

Then he can push his fat cock snugly inside you and make you squirt and shower you with attention

He ruins you for anyone else by giving you ultimate princess treatment

God the duality of this man

Speaking of his fat cock, he’s hung like a goddamn horse

Like he’s already so fucking perfect

He’s hot as fuck, loaded, actually has a personality, he likes you that much, he’s loyal

And he’s packing??????

It’s almost unfair

But yeah Tristin is the whole package (pun intended)

He can do whatever he wants. Literally anything.

Because he’s this hot, you’re going to have to be prepared for a lot of jealousy from the plethora of girls who have a crush on him

Which is almost all of them

Girls get so fucking pissed when you have bruises and hickeys and can’t walk

Like seriously

It’s impossible to be friends with any girls that know Tristin because boy keeps you marked up

And they don’t like that

He’s so tantalizingly close to them but agonizingly out of reach

They hate it even more when he smells like you and has your love bites all over him

He proudly shows that shit off

Along with all the scratches you leave on his back

And an occasional pair of panties left in his pocket

Nothing makes him happier than having your scent and marks and presence all over him

Once he finds out about bra strap bracelets????? You make him one and he will never take that shit off

Gets pouty when his hickeys fade and asks you for more

He pulls you into his lap and bites your ear playfully

“Well Mary, your friends need to know that I’m taken, don’t they?”

“It’s not my friends that I’m worried about…”

He pauses kissing your neck to look up at you with a cocky gaze just full of victory as your words sink in

“You are jealous…”

GOD HE LOVES WHEN YOU GET JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE OVER HIM

ACTUALLY MAKES HIM MOTHERFUCKING FERAL

It has this energy

Oh my god oh my god and watching his hair grow back out from his military school buzzcut???

When it’s finally long enough to tug and flop over and tickle your face and neck while he fucks you?????

And brush all softly against your thighs when he goes down on you???????

Best era tbh

And Tristin really does love going down on you a lot

He has some almost pleasure dom tendencies???

Someone hose this boy down

Just fucking neuter him at this point

Seriously once he gets a taste of you, it’s game over

Tristin is easily the biggest fucking slut you’ve ever met

But he’s only a slut for you

Literally

All he wants is you

So when he has you, he’s going all out

All the way

Hitting all the spots (literally and figuratively)

Don’t let him find out about your g spot

He already abuses your clit enough as it is

Just cause he loves the face you make when you orgasm

He gets kind of obsessed with making you cum

Seriously he will sneak off with you for quickies and hand stuff in some really risky places

He doesn’t even care about getting caught at this point

He just loves seeing how nervous and turned on it makes you

And he loves having something to tease you about

Seriously this man will whore himself out to you at a moments notice

He’s so fucking touch starved that it’s really nice to have something long term and serious with you like this

It’s all he’s wanted for a really long time

Even with Summer, he tried everything he could to make it work

I think it’s safe to assume he has a similar homelife to Paris

Specifically from the quote regarding Paris’s baggage when Tristin said “yeah, [I have] a matching set”

You’re not being too subtle there babe

So with all the inconsistencies and instability he’s dealt with through the years

You really are a breath of fresh air

Tristin wants to be committed

He wants someone that he can give all of himself to

When he met you there was a terrifying moment where he felt his priorities shift

He knew that if his options were a safe choice or you, he’d choose you hands down

But now he gets both

He gets that consistency and devotion and commitment 

And he gets it with you

So you better believe he is not fucking this up

He is going to put everything he has into this

Because he knows how you deserve to be treated

And he knows he can’t lose you

Which means he just has to be the kind of man that you deserve

One of the most beautiful parts of dating Tristin is getting to grow together and watch him really blossom alongside you

You are the catalyst

You are what made him into who he is today

And he wouldn’t want this with anyone else but you

[starchilddante]

Hazbin Hotel is fucking incredible. The animation and voice-acting? Stellar. The plot line and dialog? Fucking amazing. The character complexity and development? Holy shit, it rocks. The religious references and symbols and the underlying themes? Fuck they're so incredible!

Angel Dust is probably my favorite (Valentino can go fuck himself) but they manage to make the entire cast interesting if not likeable. Even Sir Pentious (who I didn't really care for in the pilot) has become quite an enjoyable character.

And Charlie and Vaggies sapphic relationship isn't played up for the male audience which I love. It's so gentle and good and beautiful ahhhhhh

I guess the thing I'm most grateful for is no character is one-sided. I think that's the point. They're branded as sinners and that becomes all they are, bad people, but they are so much more than that. Humans are so much more than that. The reminders of how harsh and unforgiving religion can be and how it causes Christians to make others one-sided monsters is just so powerful. (Also I never thought about it but chances are Adam would totally be a self-centered dick.)

I'm blown away by how downright spectacular this is. I can't wait for the next episode drop

(Also the music is fucking boppin' I love it so much.)

[fuckyeahizzyhands]

Info compilation from the How To Fuck Off With Con O'Neill workshop :) ❤

The online workshop took place June 29 2024 for LGBTQA+ charities :) ❤ you can see the more public part of it on youtube :).

Izzy and OFMD:

Con's start with Izzy: 'Izzy wasn't in the pilot episode of Our Flag. So when David approached me Izzy was just a thought, a husk yet to be formed. David said to me he saw him as a Salieri type character - the character from Amadeus, or Iago, a man in the shadows. And I agreed absolutely but also, I saw him as a man desperately, painfully in love, so his passion and his anger and his fear and his love all erupted in his expletives. I loved him from the off, I loved his directness, I loved his fearlessness, his pain, of course his fabulous use of profanities.'

Izzy swallows: At one time Con has a sip of water and then points at the glass of water and says, 'Izzy swallows. Still makes me laugh every time I hear that.' (There is a Izzy swallows t-shirt Con did for this charity :)))

Twat (doing the part of the workshop on 'fuck, shit and twat':) 'Now, 'twat' belongs to Izzy. Sometimes with an actor, you find a costume that fits you like a glove or something a line of dialogue opens the door to your character. For me, with Izzy, it was 'twat'. The first time I said it as Izzy it exploded in my fucking head. Because fundamentally Izzy is a twat man. [Con smiles widely] Also an ass man but that's a whole different workshop.'

Con improvised the rancid, syphilitic cunt: 'In Season One I was terrified about ad-libbing and improv which I've said many times. We had great writers and everything I needed was on the page. Except for the day 'daddy' came to visit. I have no idea where that line came from, no idea which part of my dark perverted psyche it interrupted from but as soon as it was out, it was out. In Season Two, again, everything I needed was on the page. Our writers are... were... are... will always be... spectacular. They gave Izzy such beautiful stuff and I will be forever grateful to them, to David Jenkins and the whole cast and crew, and to you lot for your continued support. But then towards the end of the shoot, we were filming the tavern scene with me and Erroll AKA Ricky. And it was the 'belonging to something' monologue, which was so beautifully writte it took my breath away. And we shot many, many takes and I was tired and emotional. And I knew we had it... nearly. There was something missing. There was a beat. A moment to end what was really Izzy's epitaph. And then our brilliant director Fernando came up to me and whispered in my ear, 'We'll do one more take. Let him go.', and we started the take and I could feel myself getting emotional. This was Izzy's big moment. It had to be right. It had to be right. And then as we reach this final line, instead of what was written, I heard Izzy say, 'And you are a rancid, syphilitic cunt.' And to my dying day I'll never understand how we got that on the Telly, but we did. Because sometimes in life, only a rancid, syphilitic cunt will suffice.'

What Con suprised the most in the OFMD fandom: 'The art. The art has blown my fucking mind. It blows my mind every day. What is nice... when you've been around as long as I have and you... you know, I love what I do and I am blessed to be able to do what I do and I have done it for a long time. And every now and then you get casted or you have the opportunity to play somebody who you fall in love with and that is not always the case by any means. But it's so gratifying when you fall in love with somebody who is complicated and difficult and flawed, when an audience also finds him and loves him. What was beautiful for me with Izzy is... Izzy is not easy to love and you all had to fight hard to love him. But it's worth it. Fundamentally what he is is an ally. Fundamentally what he is is what we have all been at one point in our lives. In love with somebody who doesn't love him back. And it's those flaws in his character that make him compelling and interesting. And the art is all about him, not about me. Very few people are drawing me which is fine but it's lovely to see the love for him, because I fell in love with him really quickly and I'm so delighted that people have fallen too. And some people hate him, but fuck it, what can you do? You know, the only way to get people to always love everyone you play is to play Santa Claus. And unless the Santa Claus is a big queer, fucking, leather-wearing fucking fucker then I am not interested in playing him.'

Con got hate on social media for playing Izzy - sb said that ppl loved Izzy earlier than Con thinks and Con said: 'I know that people did but I was getting quite a lot of hate on social media. But you know, fuck it. I am a big boy. I can take it.' (honestly, fuck those people, what person goes off spewing hate to an actor for playing a role, wtf?!)

Izzy is a great First Mate + how his meeting with Calico Jack went + why the whole thing with Stede and Blackbeard takes Izzy so much by surprise: 'Izzy is mathematically good at his job. He's a great first mate. And when he is asking anyone for help it's simplistic and straight to the point. There is no emotion. It's not: [subserviently] 'Can you do me a favour?' It's all straight down the line. It is unemotional. And that how he is with Jack, that is how he is with everyone. He's just... he's really fucking good at his job. You know, that's how he operates within the boundaries of his work. He is very unemotional. So he was very specific and very: ' This is what I need you to do. This is why I need you to do it. And you owe me.' Because everybody owes Izzy, because he's so good at is job. So... you know... it's... David and I spoke about that early on that he's just... the reason the whole thing takes izzy by surprise with Stede and Blackbeard is because he can't work out why Blackbeard would fall in love with THAT guy. Because that guy doesn't compute. He's crap at his job, he's a crap parent and he's bit of a... you know [waves hands] - it doesn't compute. So that's why he has such trouble with it. Because it just doesn't make sense. It does later. In Season 2. In Season 1: no, can't work it out. So yeah. Sorry there is no great reveal though, but yeah it's pretty much: 'This is what I want you to do and this is why I want you to do it.''

Con's personal thoughts how Ed and Izzy came to meet: 'They've known each other since the start. And I think they were young men together. And I think they were always kind of soulmates on that level. And that they've grown together as pirates. And the great understanding is Izzy is the best first mate ever. But he's not as good a captain as Blackbeard would be and he knows that. And Blackbeard knows that without Izzy he's not as good a pirate. So they've had that mutual respect. And everything else that happened... which is up for discussion as in the intimacy or the sex or whatever or the love or not love or the no sex or the whatever, that's all secondary to that relationship, the relationship is a work relationship. But they're pirates and everybody fucks on a pirate ship. Allegedly.'

Con's favourite scene to film in OFMD: 'Everything with Taika was just lovely. Because he's such a great scene partner. And his work is very similar to how I like to work so it was always joyful and easy, easy to work with. I really got to enjoy working with Rhys more and more and more, and the more our relationship became clearer, I really enjoyed working with him, and you know, and anything with the gang. Because they are such good actors those guys and girls and they thems. They're just... And I loved watching them, as well, I loved... because Izzy is a watcher. So I used to sit back in all those big group scenes be able to watch these truly gifted actors do their thing. And those of them that were brilliant at improvising were genuinely brilliant at improvising. That's not something I do very well so it was really inspiring to watch somebody deliver on levels of that brilliance. But my very favorite scene would be... would be the death scene. Because it felt... as a scene it felt perfect. On the level of Blackbeard and Izzy it just felt perfect to play. And I also enjoyed the 'Oh, daddy' scene because that was unexpected. To myself in that scene. And everyone else on the set it has to be said but the look of horror when that first came out of my mouth was kind of fun.'

This is Con's first experience with a fandom: 'I have never experienced a fandom before. Not by choice but I tend not to do the sort of shows that would l end themselves to fandoms. Above maybe Uncle? But Uncle kind of... people gravitated towards Uncle a long time after we finished it. And they only gravitated towards Uncle through Our Flag. It's not a choice that I don't do things that have the possibility of fandoms, it's just I've never considered it and then this came along.'

Izzy said he loves sb twice in his life: 'I think he said I love you twice in his life. Once to Blackbeard - and then he doesn't say, he says 'I have love for you'. And once to the other person who we will not talk about at this stage.'

Izzy + Stede in S2? - Question: 'Did you intentionally act maybe as if Izzy was kind of falling in love with Stede? Because we just get that vibe. It's like all this... there are so many pictures and little looks and it's fantastic.' --- Con: 'No. I think a lot of it is about a) Izzy seeing Stede becoming a better pirate. And also, I think my... I always loved working with Rhys but I thought Rhys exploded in Season 2. So I think possibly a lot of that is me not being able to hide my admiration of how Rhys grabbed it by its horns and smashed the fuck out of it in Season 2. Stede isn't Izzy's type, let's just leave it at that. I don't think. Now I'm sure people who ships Izzy and Stede together are going to hate that and I'm not saying that they don't, I'm just saying on the surface Stede is not Izzy's type. But he could have been... in the right circumstances.'

The most suprising inspirational thing that has happened to Con through his OFMD journey: 'The most inspirational thing was just working with a group of actors who was so comedically adept. And so supportive of those of us who weren't. And realizing that in comedy, it takes all different approaches. And you can be funny without being comedic. And that revelation was huge to me. It's something I've taken away. It's something I will absolutely endevour to include in my work from now on. Is that you don't have to be... you just have to be truthful. And if the moment is comedic then it is comedic. And that's what I've learned from Samson and... I think Samson is one of the best actors I've ever worked with. I think he's so deeply authentic. Nathan. Vico. Samba. Just really wonderfully talented organically funny people. And yeah that's what I learned, that you don't have to put on red nose and flippers to be funny.'

If he could spend a day with 1 member of the OFMD crew: 'Obviously Blackbeard is the obvious answer. But, I think, this might be a little provocative, but I think Izzy had a very soft spot for Nathan - Lucius. That grew and grew and grew. So if we're talking Season Two I would say Lucius. And Season One I would say thank Fang, beacause is his little buddy. But, yeah, I really like what developed between Lucius and Izzy.'

Con and Vico's hike: 'Come for a walk, they said. It will be lovely, they said. It's an hour, they said. Four fucking hours later, having climbed mountains and being attacked by eagles and sharks, we eventually ended up back in the place we started because Vico said they knew where we were going and they didn't. Also, Vico wanted me to take... I don't know if Vico ever said this but I'm gonna say it, once wwanted me to take film of them climbing down in rockface and they got so fucking freaked out halfway down, that they lost their cool. And now for Vico to lose cool it's pretty huge. I was laughing so much that the camera was shaking and they never posted that. There's a piece of footage of Vico rockclimbing, losing their cool and me just howling with laughter at the other side of the camera but the never printed it. But yeah, also it was... because I hadn't seen them for a while and Vico is one of my favourite people on the Earth. And it was lovely to spend that time with him even though I hated them because it was four hours.' (actually footage is here and photo here :D)

Izzy ship that Con would like to see more art of: 'I was always surprised it wasn't more of Izzy and Jim. For me, that is the kind of yin and yang of the same person I was very surprised that didn't make the top 10, really.' /fan comments on Izzy and Lucius and being closeted/ Con: 'I don't know if Izzy is so much closeted sexually, he's closeted emotionally. I think his leaning, sexual leaning as in attracts is towards the Blackbeards, the Jims, that kind of... [Con raises hands in fists]... kind of macho kind of thing... but we all have our softer moments so maybe Lucius is in there. I don't know. But the instinct would be... I would think more Jim and Izzy.'

If they had more time what scene he would like to have filmed: 'I would have liked more swordplay in Season Two as I enjoy doing it. And I like the idea of Jim and Izzy having a duel.'

Response from disabled fans about S2: 'Vastly positive. You know, it's always difficult to play somebody who becomes disabled because obviously, you're acting. And all I could do to qualify it was read up as much as I could on amputations at that time. And we... like for instance, there is a scene where I am putting out candles with the sword, and the original routine was much more fluid. And I had to sort of say my piece which was the leg would not have healed sufficiently for him to put enough weight on it to do these movements. And, so that's just one instance where you had to honour the situation rather than just be gung ho about it. But, yeah, I can't say I think we did well because that is not my call, but I never wanted to be blasé about it. So I did as much due diligence as I could do, within the confines of when I found out and the filming schedule.'

Izzy's motivation in the S1 Izzy provokes Ed scene: 'Do you know what? It's been a while. He wants to provoke Blackbeard into becoming Blackbeard again. That's what he wants to do and he succeeds because Ed grabs him by the throat, it's a violent act. And that's what Izzy's trying to achieve because he feels like Blackbeard has gone soft. And he achieves it. He achieves what he wants to achieve. And, it's the catalyst that brings Blackbeard into his other self. Shakes him out of Stede. So. Yeah. I mean, it's a really interesting question. I can't unpick it in the time we've got. As I always said about Izzy is complex as he's flawed. He's not always emotionally connected by any means. The only thing Izzy is absolutely clear about is his job. And this question is not just about his job, it's about his emotional connections. So that would take me more time and I'd have to rewatch the episodes because I've done a few things since, so it is not as clear to me, the motivation.'

Izzy's hair in Season 3: 'It was always work that decided about my hair. I've never been particularly interested in my hair. I've had my head shaved, I've had a perm, I've had it long, I've had extensions put in, it has been blonde, it's been red, it's been black, it's been gray, it's been peroxide, it's been a blah, but never from my choice. I would like to go white-gray though for something. I would like to try that. Because I'm going grey. That would have been Izzy's hair in Season Three. There's a little snippet.'

How much input Con had on Izzy's outfit: 'Overall, very little input into the outfit the costume. I'm very much a practical actor so if there's anything on the costume that if the character like Izzy is - he's a practical man - if there's anything on the costume that he wouldn't use, he wouldn't have it. So that was a little bit back-and-forth. But both designers of Season One and Season Two were brilliantly collaborative. And I think it's the best costume I've ever had and I am the only actor in the entire show whose costume never changed, apart from the last episode with the british army uniform. So yeah I feel that costume spoke volumes.'

Other:

5 fucks and 1 cunt: Con says that when he filmed Dancin' Thru the Dark (1990) one of the BBC execs said, 'As this is a BBC film, we're only allowed five 'fucks' and one 'cunt'.'

Con's tattoos: 'I do not have any tattoos but I'm gonna get one this year.'

How many doggos would Con have tf he had adequate space and resources: 'This one [Con's doggo Cooper] won't accept any other dogs. Because Cooper's a rescue dog from Hungary. And he was a feral dog for some time. And he's okay with dogs outside of the house but when any dog that comes into the house it's war. So I think once he goes to doggy heaven - which isn't gonna be for at least 50 years - we will... I've always liked the idea and I want - now that we got a house with a big garden - I want dogs. Ideally two. But probably ideally eight.'

Con's favourite movies: 'I'm a big shark movie nerd.' + 'I'm a horror guy.'

[ronearoundblindly]

No Promises (3)

Lloyd Hansen x rival assassin!Reader

I Left You Something On The Body (see previous or LH Masterlist)

Summary: You and Lloyd take to leaving consolation prizes for whichever one of you 'loses.' It...escalates delightfully.

Warnings for DARKFIC. Language; descriptions of sexual situations, toys, various paraphernalia. Smut-adjacent (masturbation). MINORS DNI. I have plenty else for you on my Light Masterlist, but this is not for you! WC 982

And you do; you let Lloyd have several open contracts after the keycard incident.

Sometimes you wonder about the man providing the most fun you’ve had in years, but mostly, you relax in a noisy city high-rise with a spectacular view. A small vacation between assassinations. You drop off the network for a month or so, picking up a straight-forward job nearby, and then show up at the target’s house to find him already dead.

Pinched onto the body, overtop a blood-soaked button-down, are golden nipple clamps.

You snort in disbelief.

The sick bastard, he’s really wooing you now.

A thin chain between the clamps sports a tied tag.

To: The Cobalt Cunt

You let out a dreamy sigh, the little tingle in your mind of possibly fucking (with) him again vibrating to life. You even miss him in a weird way.

On the reverse of the tag, it reads, “not safe for lace.”

It’s on obviously and more fun than you ever imagined. At some point, you can’t tell if you two are letting each other get places first on not. The money is, oddly, totally irrelevant, and your career takes on a renewed joy.

Lloyd claims a target. You show up, kill them, and drop off an intricately-packaged Gucci jock strap with “Eat Me” embroidered at the back of the waistband, right above his asshole.

For good measure—and to remind him what he’s missing—you add a spritz of your perfume to the cup.

That’s where you want to be nestled, it implies. That’s where you belong, right against his dick.

Sadly, the next ‘surprise’ takes a while as you two are not after the same jobs. There’s plenty of work to go around till you find an oblong box wrapped in brown paper on the armchair ten feet from an enormous bloodstain.

 With an empty scotch glass and a crumb-covered plate beside it, you know Lloyd’s been trolling for your attention. His snacky, sweet-tooth is somewhat notorious.

Your inconspicuous, purposefully plain gift waits patiently, the soft whipped cream of a strawberry shortcake dripping down its serving stand.

There’s no rush though, and you make a little ritual of opening it to reveal a beautiful dildo with golden speckles throughout the silicone molding. It is absolutely from a cast of Lloyd; you’d know that curve anywhere.

If that’s as close as you can get? Fine by you…

The rest of him barely participated before anyway.

Geneva.

Lloyd’s pissed and tired after the flight. Suzanne is the fucking worst and made him repeat the plan three times because her pea-brain is as sharp as a limp dick.

He dances down the plane steps, noticing a welcome party that is not his people. One sunglasses-clad, black-suited fellow walks up to Lloyd with an enormous gift basket.

It’s so goddamn pink Lloyd recoils and squints his eyes.

Good christ, it’s hideous. He loves it in a sick way.

Pink cellophane, fuzzy pink handcuffs, a sparkling fuchsia cock ring, rose gold anal beads with pesto-colored rope connecting them, and strawberry flavored lube.

Mood restored, Lloyd chuckles, turning on his heel to get back on the plane.

He’s going home. He has toys to play with.

He doesn’t bother to explain shit to Suzanne. One of these days, he’s just going to pop her for free.

This one doesn’t coincide with a job at all, but that’s what makes it all the sweeter to you.

Delivered to the place you’re staying for the week is an adorable, yellow stuffed rabbit with a pull-cord. Across its tummy is 'sunshine' in cursive letters.

You honest-to-god squeal in delight as you listen to each of the five custom recordings programed in.

Lloyd tuts then says “should have sized up my ring, you cock-drunk whore,” a deep gasp and a squelch punctuates the end.

Oh boy. It’s Christmas in July. Happy you!

You fake your own shocked gasp at the second soundbite.

“Know you don’t taste like fucking strawberries,“ he grunts before bitterly adding, “but I’ll take one for the team and eat that pussy any day.”

Third: “Bet I was the best you ever had, even when I wasn’t awake, you poor thing. So needy…”

Fourth: “How hard did you come, Sunshine? Be honest.” He laughs like the cat who got the cream to end that one.

Finally, the last of the pulls is just the slapping noise of him jerking off and finishing with a deep moan.

Now, at least, you know what Lloyd sounds like when he comes.

Utterly self-satisfied, Lloyd goes about his life of luxury.

He’ll be damned if he’s going to break and go to you. Fuck that. The thrill of this taco-and-hotdog game is worth it anyway.

He still works, and not every job revolves around you.

For one such fulfilled contract, he’s being paid in artwork and has the delivery men bring in the large framed canvas to uncover in his current villa’s sitting room.

The expectation is a well-known portrait.

It’s a painting alright, but it’s…very modern.

Lloyd crosses his arms over his chest and smothers a proud grin.

The torso and open legs of you stretch out facing the viewer, gold leaf embossed nipple clamps and their chains dangle over your stomach, and the blunt end of a golden dildo sits nestled in your cunt. There are brush strokes and paint visibly raised from the surface.

He wonders whether it was done from a photo or whether you sat there, bare, for some artist to reference for hours, maybe even days.

Lloyd had a spot in mind for his real payment, but this will do nicely. He’s quite pleased with the view. It shall go over the mantle in the bedroom, and he shall fuck whoever he wants—his fist included—while staring right at it.

The half dozen or so other people in the villa’s great room who can all see the painting don’t say a fucking word.

How the hell is he supposed to top this?

A/N: Full disclosure, I'm pretty sure this is the funniest thing I'll ever write, and I'm okay with that. I can't stop laughing 🤣🤣🤣

[Next Part: A Blazer Full of Bullet Holes]

[Main Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

blue art deco divider by @/saradika-graphics--thank you for your beautiful work!

[loveinhawkins]

They’re sitting in the grass, home-made weapons cast aside in favour of trying to enjoy the last of the daylight. Eddie had found one last can of Pringles leftover from the food (… and drink) shop he’d asked for, and he’d done a stupid little celebratory dance, holding the can above his head, just to make the kids laugh.

“Dude,” Dustin says now, around the last Pringle, “you keep humming.”

“Oh.” Eddie often finds himself humming along to something unconsciously. He tilts his head in thought as he listens to himself, then snorts. “That’s your fault, man. ‘Cause you keep mentioning The Upside Down.”

“Huh?”

Eddie grins, leaps to his feet dramatically. “Upside down,” he sings, adopting a ridiculous falsetto, “boy, you turn me inside out, and ‘round ‘round.”

Nearby, he hears an honest to God cackle. He turns and is delighted to find that it’s Steve, that he can actually get an ugly laugh out of him. It’s a fucking spectacular laugh, Eddie thinks.

“God, why’d you have to do that?” Steve says. “Now it’s gonna be stuck in my head.”

“Aw,” Dustin says, dry as the Sahara, “maybe we don’t need your guitar, Eddie. We can just sing that and embarrass Vecna to death.”

Before Eddie can even begin to act all mock offended, Steve laughs again and says, “That’s rich coming from you, Henderson.”

And well, Eddie knows a story when he hears one. “Oh?” he says, giving Dustin an over the top waggle of his eyebrows. “Have I been missing out on your dulcet tones?”

Steve grins. “Something like that.”

“Nope!” Dustin gives Steve a harsh glare. “That information is classified and it’s, uh, not essential to the lore, okay and—”

“To the what?”

“—and,” Dustin presses on, “Eddie still thinks I’m cool, don’t you, Eddie?”

“Coolest person I know,” Eddie says, and though he delivers it tongue in cheek, he does mean it.

Steve’s teasing grin softens into a genuine smile, like he can hear Eddie’s honesty. “Fine, fine. You’re safe for now. But Eddie is owed a dramatic reenactment at some point, dude.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Dustin waves Steve aside, runs off to play an impromptu game of tag with Erica. He calls back, “Keep it for after we’ve saved the world! Again.”

Eddie chuckles. “Very cool kid,” he reiterates.

Steve scoffs, but nods fondly. Then, after a moment, he says, “Damn you, it is in my head.” And he gives Eddie a tiny wink, and does the world’s most ridiculous little shoulder shimmy as he sings under his breath, “I said, ‘Upside down, you’re turning me, you’re giving love instinctively…’”

Eddie almost wishes he could invent time travel, just so he could tell his younger self that one day Steve Harrington will sing fucking Diana Ross to him.

And maybe it’s foolish, to feel so happy right now, in this moment, but Eddie can’t bring himself to care. All he knows is that his stomach gives a little swoop as Steve trails off from singing into more laughter, and it feels warm. Feels something like hope.

[yandere-romanticaa]

The MCU before Endgame was the best shit ever. For years I kept track of all of the movies and I loved every single interview the cast did, they're all so funny. One of my personal favorites is when Tom Holland reveals that while Endgame was being filmed, he was informed that the ending of the film was actually a wedding and not Tony Stark's funeral. I laughed so hard when I heard that.

Every movie also felt like an absolute spectacle as well. You just had to see them all, you HAD to watch all of the end credits because they all tied into the main plot which all went down in Infinity War and Endgame. And those two movies fucking SLAPPED. But so did the rest of the MCU. The movies were also completely fine on their own, good plots with spectacular and funny characters. I still remember how absolutely EVERYONE around me was just ITCHING to see the next upcoming Marvel movie, the theater was always so packed. I miss this phase so much. I can't put it into words, I was such a die hard MCU girlie you've no idea. If I was watching a movie with my parents they'd ALWAYS ask me to explain the plot and lore to them because they knew I was always in the loop.

I know that good things come to an end but it makes me sad to see how far Marvel has fallen.

That exciting buzz is just gone. I see absolutely no hype for ANY superhero movie, the only one that did good was the last Spiderman.

I just got really sentimental over this. If you like the newer movies you know what, good for you. Enjoy them, love them. I will not stop you or try to change your opinion. But also, you just can't deny the fact that Marvel really had the world in the palm of their hands for a good long while.

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

06/29/2024 - 06/30/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; Rhys Darby; Taika Waititi; Guz Khan; Vico Ortiz; Rachel House; How To Fuck Off With Con O'Neill: CW; AdoptOurCrew Charity Raffle Update; Gold Derby Voting; Fan Spotlight: Cast Cards; Our Flag Means Fanfiction; Big Gay Energy Podcast; Teal Oranges & Garlic Soup Week; Love Notes; Daily Darby/Today's Taika

== Rhys Darby ==

Quick sighting of Rhys with Kirk Thatcher and another commercial for FFXIV!

Source: kirkrthatcher's Instagram

Source: FFXIV's Instagram

== Taika Waititi ==

Quick shot of Taika and Rita with Andy Hernden!

Source: Andyhernden's Instagram

= Guz Khan =

A shot of Guz with Mark Silcox-- apparently this is a hint at Season 5 of Guz' show Man Like Mobeen!

Source: Guz Khan Official Twitter

== Vico Ortiz ==

Lots more sightings of Vico out and about!

Source: Vico Ortiz Instagram

== Rachel House ==

Yet another chat show with Rachel house!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by The Last Video Store (@lastvideostorebetoota)

Source: The Last Video Store instagram

CW: Con O'Neill in Underwear under the cut.

== How to Fuck Off w/ Con O'Neill ==

Many of our crewmates attended the Momentus class with Con O'Neill on Saturday! When Samba did his cooking class, the video was released to youtube a week or so later so hopefully this one will be too. I did try to transcribe some of the information, if it is quoted it should be word for word minus uhms. Non quoted is paraphrased. This was 3 hours long if you did the meet and greet so I've only added what I was able to get through. If I have time I'll transcribe more.

Con showed up on camera with no pants on

Re Izzy: When David approached him, Izzy was just a thought, a husk yet to be formed

David saw Izzy as a Salieri from Amadeus, or Iago (from Othello)

Con "Agreed with David" but also "saw [Izzy] as a man desperately, painfully in love. So his passion, and his anger, and his fear and his love, all erupted in his expletives, i loved him from the off, I loved his directness, I loved his fearlessness, pain, and of course his fabulous use of profanities"

Con then taught the class how to do various types of "fucks" "shits", "twats" etc.

Some fun quotes:

"A happy shit is one with a smile"

"A sad shit is one you say with a frown"

"Everyone give me an orgasmic twat"

Some Transcribed BTS Info:

"In Season 1 I was terrified of ad-libbing, improv, which I've said many times. We had great writers and everything we needed was on the page-- Except for the day 'Daddy' came to visit."

"I have no idea where that line came from, no idea which part of my dark perverted psyche it erupted from but as soon as it was out, it was out."

"In Season 2, again, everything I needed was on the page, our writers are/were will always be spectacular, they gave Izzy such beautiful stuff, and I will be forever grateful to them, to David Jenkins, to the whole cast and crew, and to you all for your continued support."

"But towards the end of the shoot, we were filming the tavern scene with me and Erroll, aka Ricky and it was the 'belonging to something' which was so beautifully written it took my breath away."

"And we shot many many takes, and I was tired, and emotional, and I knew we had it nearly. There was something missing. There was a beat, a moment to end what was really Izzy's epitaph. And then-- our brilliant director Fernando came up to me and he whispered in my ear 'we'll do one more take, let him go' and we started the take and I could feel myself getting emotional."

"This was Izzy's big moment, it had to be right, it had to be right, and then as we reached this final line, instead of what was written, I heard Izzy say: 'and you are a rancid syphilitic cunt' and to my dying day, I will never ever understand how we got that on the telly, but we did because sometimes in life only a rancid syphillitic cunt will suffice."

== Adopt Our Crew Pride Month Charity Raffle Update ==

Well done everyone! $7041.72 was raised for 148 LGBTQ+ charities around the world! Thank you so much to @adoptourcrew for all the wonderful work they did and all our crewmates for all the donated art, writing, crafts, etc to make this happen!

Source: Adopt Our Crew's Twitter

== Gold Derby Voting ==

Rhys, Taika, and Our Flag Means Death are up for some more nominations-- this time the Gold Derby for best Comedy Series / Comedy Actors! It does require you to sign up, but if you'd like to add to the nominations you can follow this handy guide:

Thank you to @adoptourcrew for sharing the goldderby information!

Source: AdoptOurCrew's Twitter

== Fan Spotlight ==

= Cast Cards =

More cast cards from our dear @melvisik!

Simone Grace: "Tonight's is another Emmy submission "for Outstanding Period Costumes in a Series for Impossible Birds" - @adoptourcrew"

Francesco Toby: "Credited as Jean Luc, the beret-wearing French sailor in Pete's story."

Source: @melvisik's Twitter

= OFMD Colouring Pages! =

Once again our kind and wonderful friend @PatchworkPirateBear has more colouring pages for Pride month! Hosted by @adoptourcrew! Wanna following PatchworkPirateBear for more colouring pages? Visit their socials!:  Instagram / Twitter / Tumblr 

Source: AdoptOurCrew's Tumblr

= Our Flag Means Fanfiction =

There's a new episode by our lovely friends over at Our Flag Means Fanfiction! This time a ranking of the top 10 Rhys Darby moments by members of the Rhys Darby Faction! Visit https://linktr.ee/ofmff to pick out your favourite listening platform!

Source: Our Flag Means Fanfiction Instagram

== Big Gay Energy Pod ==

Another episode of Big Gay Energy Pod! This time covering Season 2 Episodes 5/6! Check them out on Youtube, or their https://linktr.ee/biggayenergypod!

Source: Big Gay Energy Pod Instagram

== Teal Oranges & Garlic Soup Week ==

As you may remember, our crewmates over at @garlicsoupweek have been hosting a wonderful prompt week for our favorite Polycule! I would love to do a much bigger fan spotlight, but I was only able to get permission from some of the artists to share-- so I'll do more if I can get more permissions from folks! You can also scroll through all the awesome art/writing/edits on @garlicsoupweek!

= OhTangerine=

First up is the absolute stunning work done by @ohtangerines on Instagram and here on tumblr! The faces, and background detail is just so amazing-- please visit them on instagram or here on tumblr to check out more of their awesome work! Check them out on the various socials on their carrd! https://ohtangerines.carrd.co/

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by 🍊Maria I. (@ohtangerines)

Source: @ohtangerines's Instagram

= Sonorawent =

Next up for Teal Oranges is our dear crewmate @sonorawent! Check out their incredibly gorgeous water colour of our Jim and Oluwande! I adore the colour blending! You can follow them on Twitter / Tumblr!

Source: sonorawent's Twitter

= Blackbeardskneebrace =

Our next artist spotlight is none other than the magnificent @blackbeardskneebrace! You may recognise them from their wide variety of artwork styles (medieval, peanuts, tradition, etc) whatever style they decide to create in -- they've gifted this fandom with such beautiful work! Please visit their tumblr, or their Ko-fi, or their twitter for more brilliant work!

Source: BlackbeardsKneeBrace's Tumblr

= _SilverSheep =

Next up on our fan spotlight for the evening is @_silversheep on twitter! This adorable rendition of Cambell's Soup has such cute details hidden in the label, I'm so glad she was kind enough to allow me to share it with you! You can check them out here on their twitter, or her https://linktr.ee/asisherright !

Source: _Silversheep's Twitter

= LibroseITM =

Back again is our absolutely lovely @libroseitm! They were kind enough to let me share this steamy scene with our Polycule for @garlicsoupweek based off of Sense8! Want to check out more of their work? Visit @libroseitm on Tumblr, or Twitter for more beautiful work from LIb!

Source: LibRoseITM's Twitter

= ipomoea-batatas =

Next in our fan spotlight is the briliiant @ipomoea-batatas! I cannot tell you how much I adore the detail on their work! Look at those faces, it's like looking at our dear Archie, Jim, and Olu in person! Capturing Olu's smile and excitement is no small feat too! Wanna check out more of their awesome OFMD art? Please visit their tumblr here on tumblr!

Source: ipomoea-batatas's Tumblr

= TheseAreTheKids =

Another incredibly talented crewmate - thesearethekids on twitter put together this very sweet cross-stitch pattern for our polycule! She was kind enough to make a downloadable PDF chart and put it up on her Ko-Fi as well so you can work on it yourself. Want to follow them for more cross stitch/embroidery fun? Visit their Twitter!

Source: TheseAreTheKids Twitter

= ErosTheArtist =

Back again with more artwork from the lovely @erostheartist! This time with our Polycule in the Teal Orange outfits! I love it! Love their work? Follow them here on tumblr, or on instagram/check out their https://linktr.ee/eros_the_artist!

Source: Eros The Artist Tumblr

== Love Notes ==

Hey there lovelies! I hope you had a wonderful weekend-- and an even better pride month! There has been so much queer joy this month-- and everyone's been celebrating being themselves and celebrating all the wonderful people around them-- and I'm so very happy so many of you have gotten to experience that. If you aren't out yet, or pride isn't your thing, or maybe this month is always tough on you, that's okay too. Your safety, and comfort is more important than anything, so please don't feel bad if you aren't experiencing that joy like others are. Just know that no matter what stage of your journey you are in-- your crew loves and cares for you. I wanted to send a gentle reminder, I know that after so much excitement, sometimes our brains can rebound a bit and go the same distance in the other direction. This is perfectly normal lovelies, so if you feel a bit sad tomorrow or the upcoming month, just remember to take it in stride. If you are feeling heavy feelings, remember to embrace them and acknowledge them, and let them go in your own time. No matter what gender, sexuality, or various degree of queer you are, or not queer at all, please know that you are so very loved crew. Truly truly loved. You are beautiful, and unique, and brilliant, and wonderful, and no one gets to say otherwise, okay?

Rest well lovelies, tomorrow is another day.

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

Tonight's gif just exudes Last Day of Pride Month for me -- as well as running straight into July's Queer Wrath! Tonight's gif courtesy of the wonderful @edsrosetattoo!

[cannebady]

who are we to fight the alchemy

They've been taking it slow, which Blitz knows is necessary but also feels so fucking stupid considering they've had their tongues inside each other probably hundreds of times over the span of their agreement.

But after a truly spectacular round of competitive communication issues, they've settled on wanting to be something and in order for that to happen, apparently, both Stolas and Blitz have to spend some time with the heads on their shoulders calling the shots.

Based on Stolas's encyclopedic knowledge of all things shitty romance, "It's the proper way of doing things," and while Blitz couldn't give less of a single fuck about proper, he gives a nonzero amount of fucks (one might say a fuckton, in fact) about Stolas, so they've been courting or fucking dating or whatever and definitely not doing any kind of fucking.

It's gotta be at least partially karmic considering how often Blitz complained about fucking the bird. In all honesty he'd loved almost every second of that aside from the feeling like a plaything bullshit and it's fucking fantastic feeling seen and wanted and shit, but also so fucking hard (seriously, very. Fucking. Hard.) to be so close and unable to touch, and lick, and, well. Ugh.

Otherwise, though, it's been kind of nice. They have dinner a few times a week, and Stolas will bring him an iced coffee and lunch at IMP and then Blitz will take him to a shitty bar with M&M. It's fucking nice okay? He's never had nice before and now, suddenly, he gets long conversations about nothing and everything, and holding hands and fuck, okay, he's in love like a little bitch. It's just that Blitz just also kind of wants to fuck, ya know?

He feels a little like a dirtbag because Stolas is holding it together so fucking well. Based on his initial impression (and hands on experience) of Stolas as His Royal Unhinged Horniness, Blitz kind of figured he would've caved a while ago. He won't admit he'd been kind of counting on it; but it's been two months and to his internal horror and shame, it's Blitz who feels fucking feral. They sleep in the same bed, bodies entwined and while it's definitely the best sleep Blitz has ever gotten, it's keying him up and up and up with no release.

Just this morning he'd burned almost an entire loaf of bread trying to make toast because all he could think about was taking his stupid hot boyfriend back to his ridiculous bed to fuck him through his mattress. So there he stood, mortified, erect, and toastless while Stolas hummed and fed his giant toothy plants looking edible and sexy and Oh Satan it was becoming a fucking problem.

The other problem is that Blitz can't solve this the way he wants to. Or, rather, he doesn't want to solve it like that.

He could grab Stolas by the chain holding his starry cape on and stick is tongue down the bird's throat to kick things off, and he probably will do that when his patience runs out, but he's also started to fantasize a bit about a version of their dynamic that casts him with less of an emphasis on Dom and more as the qualifier of Soft.

Fuck.

He wants to do some sappy shit that involves caressing and no toys and maybe also sweet nothings whispered into Stolas's ear until his feathers puff out and his face is a mess of honey blush and desperation. Fizz would call it making love and he's right but also ew. Ugh.

Thinking about that definitely didn't make him less erect, so with a "Mornin' pretty bird," and a squeeze to a feathered thigh (fuck his bird has good thighs) he portals home to shower (because he can do that himself now which is fucking cool), give himself a hand, and then 86 a few human fuckers so he can get back home and remedy his dick problem.

By the time he gets home he's riding high on successful hits, Moxxie's fairly excellent espresso (not that he'll ever tell Moxxie that, he'd be insufferable), and the fire still buzzing in his blood from having someone to fucking waiting for him to come home (and not to kill him, for once).

He forgoes the front door and his shiny newly minted key to, instead, scale the wall to Stolas's bedroom because he wants to put the bird in mind of a sexy, sexy rendezvous and, once over the balustrade, is quickly hit with a wild turning of the tables.

Stolas is laid in the bed, not even his robe on his body for modesty sake, and is desperately trying to rub himself off. The air is humid and smells like sex and home and stuff Blitz was sure he'd never have and even if he hadn't been hard enough to cut glass for weeks, this visage would've done it alone.

Stolas's head is turned away, muffling himself into a pillow and Blitz can hear moans and aborted pleas stifled by cloth until he hears a loud groan that sounds an awful lot like his name.

Oh. Ooohh, fuck Blitz feels crazy. The last vestige of his self control was held by Stolas's own and if his pretty bird is as desperate as he is then who is Blitz to deny him?

He's gifted in stealth for his job and from years of precision movements honed in the circus, so he slowly disrobes to his boxers, only making his presence known when he's right next to the bed.

And fuck the vision is even better up close. Stolas's feathers are a fucking mess, like he's been writhing and edging himself for ages, just waiting for Blitz's hands and tongue and his fucking touch. Like he wants as much as Blitz does.

He clears his throat and four sanguine eyes snap to his, wide and shocked, pupils visible but the heat in them is fucking palpable. He climbs on the bed and leans over Stolas, letting his body touch as much of him as possible, fucking finally.

"Whatcha up to Princess?" he asks, pitching his voice low and rough the way he knows Stolas likes. The moan he gets in reply is like music to his fucking ears and a spark in his veins and there's a blazing inferno before he knows it.

He hums and bites at the feathered neck presented to him before grabbing both of Stolas's wrists and pinning them above the prince's head before speaking directly into his ear, "You lookin' to get split open pretty bird?"

Stolas's whole body shivers and he arches up so beautifully into Blitz that it'd bring tears to his eyes if his entire brain hadn't migrated to his dick and set up camp.

"Please," Stolas whimpers plaintively, legs wrapping around Blitz's hips perfectly, and how could he deny his bird anything?

"You get whatever you want tonight, baby, want you so fucking bad," he murmurs and kisses a flushed, feather cheek before applying himself, rather liberally, to pleasing his love.