#and they're nb!!! which makes them so much more comforting

[sorry-i-forgot]

I'm rewatching campaign 2 and I forgot how much I adore Bryce. They have such a comforting presence and are one of the first strangers that genuinely appreciates the M9 and treats them like a friend. They're such a "minor" npc in the overall scale of campaign 2 but I feel like they were apart of the spark that made the M9 who they are.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

We NEED FlowerByte: Addressing the lack of Black Girl Representation in ATSV -

[a MEDIUM length essay addressing how FlowerByte IS NOT a threat to GhostFlower, and how the ship is actually NECESSARY to the ATSV fandom]

and examining the criticism against Miles x Margo:

Remember there's nothing wrong or desperate about people shipping FlowerByte. It's natural, fine, and to be expected.

Because - if you have doubts about FlowerByte - have you ever considered how there's no black girls other than Margo in ATSV? That ISTV features no black girls as reoccurring characters?

That the only two POC female characters - Jess and Rio - are adults in nurturing positions, shown only ever taking care of others?

Up until this point, have you noticed how much black girls are missing from ATSV?

Or did you not realize? Most don't. But black girls do.

Because black girls are one of the only demographics not shown or supported in the ITSV series.

As we know it, we have no young black girl characters that have more than maybe 10 lines. So far we have Gwen's bandmates and Margo.

Black girls are probably the only demographic NOT seeing themselves swinging around.

The only two black women characters are grown women, specifically MOTHER FIGURES. Characters written to aids others through their arcs, saving and comforting in times of need.

That's why I wrote Diane's background as it is. She's a born and raised Black Panther Party member, raise in the meeting house of her local chapter.

She's a black radicalist, and that's the center of her world and character. From her mirroring black disco divas like Diana Ross, to being a Black Panther, I wanted Diane and her world to be unequivocally black.

There's never any scene of a black girl in a Spider-suit, swinging around or saving the day. Not once.

And it's never been mentioned. To most people, it's not a concern.

To most people, the sad reality is - black women aren't a concern. Just side characters.

And that shows. Not only on screen, but in fandom as well.

At no point in ITSV are young black girls given a character in which they can see themselves - not even as background characters, let alone as a romantic interest.

You make think that FlowerByte is silly, because 'they don't really have chemistry, right?'

But there is nothing wrong or silly about black girls wanting to see Miles calling them pretty, or admiring them, or dating them.

Margo truly is the only black girl we even see Miles have a conversation with for the entirety of ATSV - for the entirety of the SERIES thus far.

And chances are - most people reading this didn't notice this. But black girls DO.

Imagine seeing multiple characters of the same race, but different gender as you - but NONE of your gender (nb peeps know what I mean)

Never being called cool, or strong. No gifsets of cool black girls fighting. No black girls in the fanart. Left off posters. Never seen as pretty, never shown as desirable, never having male counterparts consider them.

The message - and damage - it sends to young black girls is clear - even in ATSV.

'You're not a person to be desired or admired. You are a plot device and nothing more.'

It sends the message 'You are not an actual person. You're there to save Gwen, and let Miles escape. After that, get off the screen. Your character will be judged based on how you serve the characters around you. We don't have enough time to flesh you out any further. And we know no one will ask about it.'

Black girls notice how they're one of the only ones who doesn't get a character to wear as a Halloween costume, or as a cosplay. They notice when they see merch and there's none of anyone that looks then them. They notice when their only options are 'genderbent' Miles and Hobie, because most don't see Margo as a main character.

They notice when none of their favorite characters give black girls a second glance, or have crushes on black girls. They notice when the only black women aren't actually stories about BLACK WOMEN. They're stories about white women - with the character being drawn or cast as black.

Example: You'll never see MCU MJ talk about racism or something. Because she's not written as a black girl first. She's written as a MARY-JANE first - and the basis of her story is that and nothing more. Anything about her black identity is seen as at best unnecessary or worse, contradictory to the character of MJ - so her race is left as only a visual element, only a feature of casting, and not a true aspect of her character.

There's literally nothing wrong with Flowerbyte and I admire those that are making works for them.

Black girls deserve every bit of love, and ffs they're CUTE together.

Hobie and Noir get shipped together all the time and they don't even know each other (yet). No one cares. People think it's cute.

But Miles and Margo get shipped together - and suddenly theres a discussion on how 'unlikely' or 'forced' that ship is.

The same with Hobie x Black!readers, or Miles-42 fics - it's often when black women seek to fill their own lack of representation that others even consider them apart of the conversation. And even then - it's to force them back into their place.

'Miles is meant to be with Gwen. That scene meant nothing. They don't have chemistry. You just hate Gwen. You just want them together because she's black'

YEAH, AND? Liking FlowerByte doesn't mean they have it out for Gwen. It means they're desperately looking for representation.

YOU should be calling for that representation. Now that you know, doesn't this lack of representation disturb you? If it doesn't, but FlowerByte does, then I can't help you.

But yeah. Just a friendly reminder, FlowerByte is good for the soul and the fandom.

We as fans of ATSV have to be candid in admitting that the series SEVERELY lacks representation of young black girls, which is A HUGE problem.

The one black female Spider-woman they have had to be CREATED as black, from a white rendition of the character.

So far, Margo is the one and only original black Spider-woman in ATSV.

That needs to change. But until then, let FlowerByte sail on. If you're a Gwiles shipper, you can always double ship. Nothing wrong with it. I suggest maybe you check out some FlowerByte stuff. Maybe you'll like their dynamic, or understand why writers write it a bit more, if not 🤷🏾 hey, you tried.

I think we can all agree though - Miles' got the rizz.

Remember to support black women today. BYE.

[scriptlgbt]

How should I show that a character's nonbinary when they themselves don't know? Should I even do it if they'll just be misgendered the whole story?

They're born in the early 70s (when the main story takes place they're 22). They have trans relatives but I don't think they know there are options beyond (a) staying their AGAB, (b) transitioning to the other binary gender, or (c) drag, which isn't really their thing.

I want to make it deeper than "they think gender roles are stupid" but I don't know where to start in portraying an nb egg.

[I'm assuming a lot about the culture of the particular 70s you're referring to. My POV is that I am "canadian" and much of my own personal knowledge of transness in this era comes from research in US archives. YMMV when it comes to places outside the heavily American sphere of cultural influence.]

So first of all, the 70s had a bit of a renaissance of androgyny. A common thing I'll see in advice columns of the era is someone asking what to do as a customer service worker when they "can't tell" what gender they think someone is, because of their hairstyle and the way they are dressed. I imagine there probably were a lot of people who took refuge in that ambiguity. A fro, a pageboy haircut, all these are something that people of any gender (not necessarily every texture but I digress) could wear.

Secondly, I figured out I was nonbinary before I knew it existed, before I had the words for it. (Though the term genderqueer was the in vogue one in the community at the time I figured my stuff out.) It's just that I sort of saw it as, "hmmm, well, I feel kind of between these things." And I think I'd seen it as sort of "half-trans" until I really understood transness better. (Note: this was for like a week tops.) I also went through a period of time a few years before this where I just sort of saw myself as a crossdresser (not drag - just someone who chooses to dress and cut their hair as they are comfortable and feel happy), but like, that as my gender identity, if that makes sense. I didn't have access to community of other people who felt like I did in order to compare to. But at the time, this also meant that when I talked about my feelings with others, they wouldn't have the same hangups about what it would mean for them if they said they felt the same. There were a lot of people I talked to in 2011ish who basically said they experienced gender as I did, only, I don't think most of them would understand for another 4 years at least.

One day I'd like to post more info about nonbinary history (especially in the 70s), but I'm just dumping info at this point. Something I will suggest for more on the topic is reading Lou Sullivan's diary, and reading autobiographies from trans people who were alive then. Even when they weren't out, they still existed, and lived in a world where they were carving out spaces for themselves.

To my understanding also, a lot of trans culture at the time sort of distinguished "transvestite" (trans people generally? but who haven't accessed medical transition) and "transsexual" (trans people who have or are intending to transition medically). Trans people of every variety might change gender expression based on their outness or the safety they had, and this didn't make them less seen as trans per se. A lot of people who ID'd either way (though more for "transvestite") would have a variety of approaches to things like name and pronouns. If this were the dominant terminology of the time that I were figuring things out, I'd probably have called myself a transvestite, though I would have likely been questioning the transsexual label for a while and ultimately not been able to access medical transition. (Though it depends on when in the 70s iirc - there was a time earlier on where it was easier to access I believe, but I'd need to fact check.)

In terms of general nonbinary egg mode stuff, or at least egg for an era where being nonbinary is not widely known to be a thing, here's some 'signs' (some are just straight up "that's canon if you put that in") I've brainstormed.

admiring specific fashion trends and looks that are gender nonconforming or androgynous (especially celebrities - maybe glam rock musicians, Joan Jett) (Joan Jett was huge for egg me personally...)

finding a lot of different ways to express how they feel in words (the "man/woman in a woman/man's body" phrasing is something that has historically bugged me, but people have used it throughout history) (more examples, dependant on the person, "I feel just as un/comfortable in my body and the way people see me as I would if I'd been born differently." "It's not a wo/man's haircut, it's mine." "I feel like a guy among my guy friends and a girl among my girl friends." "I feel uncomfortable when I go out with my partner and we are assumed to be straight/gay, though I don't know why." "I really enjoyed breeches roles when I did theatre in high school." "It felt good when I was mistaken for a woman.")

referring to themselves in their head with neutral terms

having dreams where they are recognized as themselves

feeling at home around trans people and queer people in general

watching or listening to certain songs/movies/etc that feel Gender for them over and over again

some kind of fixation on facial hair/other body part or lack thereof

it feeling different when different people use gendered terminology for the character (ex: a conservative Girl Guide leader calling everyone "ladies" vs a gay man saying "hey girl"). this is usually to do with what it's assumed the speaker's assigned meaning to the word is.

Re: misgendering through the whole story. A really convenient way to curb this would be to just have the character feel like the way they are (mis)gendered is also a part of their identity, it just isn't the whole picture. Another thing I sort of thought of in my early years was like, if people think I'm a woman, at least they understand there is something off about it. Whether they think I'm a butch lesbian or intersex (which was very regularly assumed throughout my life, at least until the general public started to catch wind of genderqueer identities). It matters to me that they at least understand my approach to gender is queer.

Another approach would be to have the story written from a distant past tense where the reader knows the identity of the character, because everything is told in distant hindsight. This is my favourite approach personally.

-mod nat

[chrliekclly]

if you ever want to talk about your thoughts on joyce .. Peeks over the corner of your blog. i love talking and hearing ppls thoughts on joyce sooo much even if they're different from my own!! and your analysis and stuff is always so well thought out

i hope u dont mind if i answer this publicly to take advantage of th request nd get my ideas out ther (also tyvm im happy u like my insane takes on these idiots, iv ben thinking abt them for almost 10 years)

i said a lot here so gnna 'read more' it

iv ben building trans charlie n my head fr, like i said, nearly 10 years. i used to view him as cis bcuz i always try to take as much frm th source material as i can wen i craft my HCs nd i had v personal (stupid) hangups insofar as him explicitly referring to his junk multiple times nd bottom surgery simply not being on my radar as a naive littl trans idiot deep in th sauce tht transmen oftn fall into w phallo being viewed so so poorly

evn still i leaned towards transmasc charlie nd always lovd moments tht let me imagine, for a moment, it being true, like his discomfort w taking off his shirt [hundred dollar baby, charlie kelly: king of the rats, the gang exploits the mortgage crisis, young charlie and mac deleted scenes, etc etc etc], or bonnie yelling abt ppl stealing her "charlie-girl" [the waitress is getting married] which i lovd to see as her accidentally misgendering him while drunk off her ass.

having grown out of my phallo issues (nd if ur reading this and u still view phallo super poorly, please do some research and grow too), ive in recent years fully subscribed to transmasc/nb charlie, and view his timeline something like this:

baby -> elementary: charlie refers to himself as a boy, doesnt "come out," simply has no idea he's afab. bonnie lets him dress however he wants and refers to him as asked. when charlie gets confused about his genitals, bonnie says his dick will grow in later lol, makes charlie wear a dress in public restrooms and tells him its just a game

middle: puberty hits and charlie gets confused and scared. bonnie puts him on blockers w.o explaining them ("my mom used to vaccinate me like every month" [the gang gets quarantined]) charlie goes on content and oblivious. STP acquired because hes "a late bloomer" and his dicks still not growing in?? weird. confides this in mac once, but he doesn't understand.

high: charlie finally registers that he's trans after forgetting theres a health class 1 day and not being able to skip it. throws him for a loop a bit but he becomes actively invested in his goals. he gets to start T and wants to have surgeries. "what guy hasnt done some extensive research on his own genitalia?" [mac is a serial killer]

college (aged): able to surgically transition (ty medicare) and continues on with life as we kno him now

joyce, imo, fits neatly into these views.

as a transmasc nb who came out young nd prefers to be seen as just A Guy by strangers, i grew up v vehemently against anything girly that might get me misgendered, but th more i began to 'pass,' th more @ home n my body i felt, th more and more comfortable i am w femininity, th more i wdnt mind putting on a dress, as long as th general public wd see me as "a man in women's clothes." n my mind, i prescribe something not exactly th same but v similar to charlie.

i see charlie "i dont really identify" kelly as afab and nb. i see joyce as a "character" he originally created to distance himself from the dysphoria of putting on a dress as a young trans boy, but that became part of him as the hard lines he drew in the sand as a child became blurry with age and self acceptance. charlie's comfort with himself allows joyce to evolve into a more solid persona, one he enjoys embodying and allowing to become a permanent facet of who he is. he's ok with being referred to as either. they're both him.

so maybe joyce comes out a bit more outside of the bathroom now.

[oneforthemunny]

Could you do a post on what a day in the life of nepo baby reader a rockstar Eddie would look like either freshly married or engaged ??

i love this.

ok let me put a cut bc it's a little longer than i thought it would be lol

soooooo, important to remember for those new to the world of rockstar!eddie and nepobaby!reader is that after they're engaged, that's the first time their relationship is public.

so the engagement would come so much publicity and people trying to get them on their show, radio show, interviews, anything bc it's shocked them. i mean, it would shock you too? these two seemingly very opposite people are together?? and not just dating, they're engaged???

and if it was post married, they had three fucking wedding ceremonies lmao. so ofc, everyone wants exclusives, details, the why? (to which eddie replies, "why not?").

the early stages of their marriage and engagement would consist of a lot of press, so i think they'd do a fair amount of it. nb's agent and publicist would def call the shots on which they could do bc eddie is so use to taking whatever, no matter how vulgar.

they'd buy a house, their forever family home, so during the engagement a lot of their time would be looking for any house that would be a potential. eddie would be the one to insist they wait, not just buy one that's "yeah this could work". he wants the perfect one, and sure enough, it comes up. checks all their boxes. they'd do some construction to make it their own.

i also think this is when nb would start trying to get into business. start investing, learning, so she could start her own. she's finally 'free' in a way from her family, and she wants to really ensure she doesn't need them anymore. wants to make her own money, do something with her life.

eddie would still be writing and performing, but he'd pull back in a way? not so immersed in it because he's a "married man" and he will tell you that proudly, over and over again. this would be his experimental stage, where he tries to actually start writing and a little bit of producing, just because, i mean for the first time ever, he's not planning on being a rockstar for the rest of his life. priorities have shifted a little, and he wants to be able to still be in music, but not necessarily performing in the future.

as for intimacy, i mean we all know they're insatiable. they're fucking just as much as before, if not more (sex dungeon is the first thing to get complete lol). become something of homebodies, which shocks the everliving hell out of their friends. they use the excuse that they'll get swarmed by paps, but really... they're just enjoying the sweetness of their relationship rn. it's comfortable just getting to be together and be domestic and cute. they're used to traveling a lot, but when they move into their home, they just want to stay there and enjoy it together.

kinda go through this annoyingly cute "honeymoon" phase where they're disgustingly sweet and clingy with each other.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not outing myself at my internship?

(some quoted things are paraphrased because my native language isnt english and i had to translate the things im quoting first.)

I (20+, trans nb) recently got a four week internship at a local radio station. I dont take any HRT yet and dont own a binder, so while i do try to dress in a way that feels comfortable to me, i dont really consider myself to be passing. So I applied to the internship as my deadname (which is also still my legal name) and introduced myself as a girl and with that name too. I was going in with the mindset that its kinda my own personal thing to consider, and since its only temporary and involves 'official' stuff (documents, articles being credited etc) + i never know how people would react to it/treat me, i dont necessarily have to tell everyone i meet. the internship went over kinda fast and everyone there was really nice and i had a feeling they'd also be accepting and use my right pronouns and name if i told them, but at that part i didnt have much time left and didnt want them to suddenly treat me differently and make a big thing out of it.

During the last few days of the internship, i got sick and couldn't go to work, which in itself was fine. But what happened was that my grandpa, who sometimes does volunteering at the same radio station, had an appointment to record something on one of the days i was sick and thought it'd be nice to surprise visit me. I, being sick and at home, obviously wasn't there but when he tried to find me he called out my new name and not my deadname, and when they got confused and asked him who he meant he apparently kind of laughed at them for not knowing that that name is me.

The next day, when i called in again to tell them I'd have to stay home for the next two days (till weekend) too, i immediately got asked why he was calling me [new name] instead of [deadname]. I got kinda uncomfortable since its like, either forcing me to lie or to out myself. I ended up telling them the truth, that im actually trans and prefer that name and that my family & friends use it for me, but that i didnt feel like outing myself at their workplace since it was only a short term official thing. The woman on the phone then went along the lines of "ah, i figured it was that already. you wouldnt have been the first trans intern we had, we would have been happy to use your new name for you. I also didn't like/appreciate your grandfather laughing at me for not knowing about it". I didnt really comment on that more than saying 'thanks' because i didnt want to have to defend me not outing myself? And we had a few other official things to discuss regarding the internship ending anyway.

A few days later i got mail from them, which had the documents i needed to prove i was an intern there (and they were nice and sent two copies, one with my deadname and she/her and one with my new name and he/him). There was another smaller piece of paper in the envelope which read "kind regards from everyone in the team. and sorry we weren't sensitive/understanding/empathetic enough for you to tell us".

And it sounds nice, but to me the message + the conversation i had where i was kind of forced to out myself earlier reads kind of passive aggressive. or as indirectly telling me i should have just outed myself and they're hurt by me not trusting them enough to tell them and making them look dumb to my grandfather for not knowing.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[stepswordsen]

【FGO】 Beautiful Carnivore, the All-Ridiculing 💚🐈‍⬛

Beautiful Carnivore, the All-Ridiculing

一切嘲弄 美しき肉食獣

Original + Version with Gradient Maps

Quick Douman scribble 💚 Them!!! My evil NB GNC jester icon~ God eater clown! I love them so much!!! He is beauty, he is grace 💖✨

Douman coloured doodle WIP I did back in January 2023.

It's old, so I'd want to redraw it to make it consistent with my usual style, but I figured I'd post it for now since Idk when I'll get the chance to redraw it.

FGO popped off when they created an emotionally nuanced complex complicated jester who deeply loves the human they're obsessed with 💖✨ They are simply PEAK

Douman and LimGuda are EVERYTHING to me I've dedicated my soul to them since December 2020!!! 💚🧡🐈‍⬛🍊

"Beautiful Carnivore, the All-Ridiculing" is such a badass title for them oh my goddd I'm obsessed

I take lots of breaks from FGO but I'm always here to see my faves 👁️ Like awakening the slumbering beast...

Hasendow (Showichi Furumi), Douman's character artist is really good at harmonizing colours and working with green and yellow tones

I tend to use cooler tones and saturate pink/red hues in my arts (though it depends on the art for me). It also has nice contrast against their reds and greens! 💖

I already loved the colours of the OG that I chose but the others are so cool to see. It's fun to see the way low opacity gradient maps shift the colours in subtle ways WHOAAA

It's super messy but it's honestly one of my fave doodles in terms of colours 💗 I'm a big fan of the colours too hehe ✨

I used to airbrush the skin colour over the hair (which is a popular stylistic choice), but I don't do it anymore cuz I think my saturated art style looks better with higher contrast.

I think that Douman doodle has some of the best colour work I've done

It's a rough draft WIP so it's pretty messy, but I love the way the colours harmonize on this one 🤭 💗 I should do colour drafts more often…

I think it's cool to use the same green in their earrings and eyeliner, in their hair as well hehe

When I do these rough colour drafts, it's like if I took a bucket of paint and splashed it on the wall. Helps me get a sense of colours!

I love picking colours, and I think it'd be interesting to take this kind of painting style further whenever I get the chance to refine it more 💞

I definitely want to lean into this messy painting style. I wanna get stronger at the painterly style!

Because of Douman and Kuroha (KagePro), I've always wanted to draw mild horror pieces 🥰💞 It'd be super fun to draw Douman and LimGuda arts with mild artistic horror vibes in the future.

My cute kitty is so versatile. They can be cute silly and be peak horror all at once!

I need to get stronger at drawing them. Douman's design is the most detailed and complicated out of my faves, but I wanna draw LOTS of LimGuda... AHHH...

Check under the cut for the other versions (versions with gradient maps)

Other Versions

I think for some of these, I'd have to fix them manually cuz gradient maps and colour adjustment filters can throw the contrast out of wack so I'd paint over stuff later

Here's the rest of the batch of colour tests I did!

I did 18 in total but I only posted 10

Rambles

I've been obsessed with Ashiya Douman, the evil clown cat since December 2020. Didn't even take me a week to be obsessed. It took 5 days. Sen's Limbo December Descent 🙌

LimGuda is my comfort HC NBLNB ship 💚🧡 They've been one of my top fave ships since December 2020. The spice of a gay evil clown demon who hates humanity, with a karmic relationship of love/hate with the human they're in love with, is unparalleled.

I can’t get over how much I adore Douman. They’re simply the best. This chaos clown is a forever fave of mine~ I love how in-depth and nuanced this hot evil jester onmyouji is. The emotional nuance and complexity of this chara…

“WANTS TO WATCH THEM FALL TO HELL BUT UNWITTINGLY FALLS IN LOVE WITH THEM.” I’M DEVASTATED ABOUT THEM

The amount of detail that went into Douman's character and design is insane to me… Hasendow AKA Showichi Furumi (Douman's character artist/illustrator) has such a huge brain 🤯

My LimGuda collection is my pride and joy 🤭

My Douman/LimGuda merch pile pentagram from November 2022 LMAO. This isn't even all of it

(I tried to mimic the pentagram as much as possible. I scribbled out where I was standing on the bed)

When Douman first released on FGO NA in November 2022, I made a Douman pentagram filled with my Douman and LimGuda merch and fan-merch.

I did this back in 2022, so I have even MORE now to add to the Douman collection, so there's no way all of it is gonna fit on my bed

Douman merch summoning circle catalyst! We did summon an evil demon into my Chaldea~ Welcome home! You are now reunited with your BELOVED 🫶💚🧡

The clean up's gonna be hell with how detailed Douman's design is, but I love working with their colours! I wanna draw LimGuda in matching green and red Áo tấc so bad!!! Matching couple clothes~ 💘💞

Douman loves them with curses… LIKE A CAT TIPPING OVER VASES CUZ THEY WANT TO BE PAID ATTENTION TO. The whole “Limbo gets defeated/is overwhelmed by the power of feelies and their S/O’s Candid Sincerity" trope I love to see in their ship works that I wanna draw eventually btw… I wanna draw them lots!!!

Cinna said “Douman just reminds me of that ‘cat reacts to separation anxiety by trying to maul their owner’ thing I saw one time” LMAO

Ashiya Douman vs. Dioscuri Anthology Comic by AU

Source: (X)

(Context for my non-FGO mutuals following me)

Read the full 30+ pages above if you wanna check it out~

Reminds me of when I was rereading the Ashiya Douman vs. Dioscuri Anthology comic by AU (@/delete_au), that has huge amounts of LimGuda (Douman/Ritsuka) crumbs. DRIVES ME CRAZY...

AU (@/delete_au) is a popular Fate/Grand Order (FGO or Fate/GO) fan artist that's been commissioned to draw official works for Fate (including official merch)

AU’s art style is so intricately detailed and gorgeous. The perspectives, inking, and shading are so gorgeous. Huge art goals for me.

The Ashiya Douman vs. Dioscuri anthology comic has such beautiful art by AU (@/delete_au)

The way he sulks like a cat that wants to be paid attention to when Ritsuka hardly reacts when they sees the maimed shikigami 😭 Please give your kitty lots of attention!

Like once again Douman wants Ritsuka to pay attention to him and searches for reactions from them, but also, the way he refers to himself as their "loyal retainer"

Like a bird preening.

AU has a massive brain since the scenes, visuals, story and dialogue of this Anthology Comic were decided by them. It's also such a huge characterization surplus for Douman and such visual eye candy

Douman invited Ritsuka to fall into hell with them in-game in his My Room lines, and now they're the one inviting him, saying that they will drag him and take him along with them.

Douman tells them that the two of them are "bound by unbreakable/inseparable fate."

And the part where he sarcastically laughs at their speech by comparing it to Buddha's Great Vows, but also acknowledges their determination and tenacity... Aghhhh...

He makes this grandiose, deadly romantic speech back, telling them that they are "bound together by an unbreakable fate" (inseparable fate/karma)

JAW DROP??? THIS IS GAY AS HELL 🏳️‍🌈 LIMGUDA IS REAL!!! 💚🧡

I'm so glad for the fan-translation by u/kanramori

The EN fan-translation is SO good. I love the usage of Saṃvega at the end.

I got stuck on some parts reading the JP version cuz of Douman's vocabulary... I got to clear things up reading the VN fan-TL, and it was interesting to see how it was translated in Viet, but yeah the EN fan-TL cleared up so many things for me.

They drew the Ashiya Douman vs. Dioscuri chapter in one of the FGO anthologies. LIMGUDA ALSO INTERACT IN IT, AND THERE'S TONS OF LIMGUDA FOOD HEHEHEHE... Their art is so gorgeous. They're one of my favourite FGO artists, their works are stunning.

THE WHOLE THING IS SO DELICIOUS SO I'LL JUST SHOW A COUPLE PAGES FROM THE END, BUT OH MY GOD???

I LOVE THEMMMMMMMMMMM LOVE IS REALLLLLLL

LimGuda so good... NB evil clown demon and the human they're deadly obsessed with...

Douman is gigantic. Ritsuka's 200 cm tall (~6"7) bf that loves them!!!

AU'S DOUMAN COMIC FROM THE FGO ANTHOLOGY COMIC WITH DOUMAN AND RITSUKA IS MAKING ME SCREAM WTF /pos /endearing

LimGuda inspired SO much of my writing, including my writing for other ships from other interests I'm into.

"Black/white colour schemed meow meow mf with a bloodthirsty personality and violent tendencies, and/or deadly love/obsession, is paired with a warm empathetic s/o with a brighter disposition"

This Sen-core ship trope is present in all of my ships LMAO

Ashiya Douman vs. Dioscuri by AU (Viet Fan-TL)

The VN fan-TL is pretty much VERY similar since it's based on the same JP text as the source material, but I'll highlight some neat tidbits I noticed

Source: (X)

道満：これぞ弘誓のごとき大言壮語！

道満：そうでしょうとも！

Douman: Such boastful words, just like Buddha’s great vows!

JP uses 弘誓 (Guzei, “Buddha’s great vows”)

The VN fan-TL uses Tứ Hoằng Thệ Nguyện ("The Four Encompassing Vows") of Buddhism, the fourfold bodhisattva vow. Only difference is that it refers to it directly

道満：そう！あなたとこの道満を結ぶは断ち切れぬ「因果」にございます

Douman: Yes, that's right! You and this Douman are connected by an unbreakable “fate”

JP uses 因果 (inga, "cause and effect; karma; fate")

VN fan-TL uses "Unbreakable karma (cause and effect)"

Nhân quả = Karmic cause and effect in Buddhism

I love the wording of him describing the way he's bound to them as “Unbreakable fate”

It's so sexy and fits so well with Douman’s character, saying they have a connection of inseparable fate/karma.

道満：厭穢欣浄（えんえごんじょう）

Douman: En’e’gon’jyou. (“I abhor this tainted world, and seek rebirth in the Pure Land.”)

JP version has it as 厭穢欣浄 (En’e’gon’jyou, “I abhor this tainted world, and seek rebirth in the Pure Land.”)

The VN fan-TL translated it as: Yếm ly uế độ, hân cầu Tịnh Độ = "I detest and want to leave the defilement of the Samsara, and seek rebirth in the Pure Land"

...

厭離穢土 (Onriedo/Enriedo, “Abhorrence of [living in] this impure world”)

The antithesis of Onriedo is 欣求浄土 (Gongujyoudo, “Seeking rebirth in the Pure Land”)

These are Yojijukugo (four character compounds), and concepts of Pure Land Buddhism that became popularized in the Heian era.

The full term is 「おんりえど・ごんぐじょうど」 (Onriedo/Enriedo - Gongujyoudo). The two combined, make a pair.

The phrase is usually shortened to 厭穢欣浄 (En’e’gon’jyou/En’ne’gon’jyou)

In Buddhism, it means, “I am disgusted with this world (I want to leave the world of filth/suffering and stain), and seek the Pure Land [of Buddha]”

...

Both the EN fan-TL and VN fan-TL are super interesting to read! It's been churning in my thoughts all day...

[catboybiologist]

Are you comfortable with questions about your journey to HRT?

Like, mentally how you took the leap of faith from femboy to needing something more / different. Asking for, uh, *a friend*, yeah 👀

Holy shit, this got long. This springboarded me into a massive writing about how my life influenced my personal gender philosophy, and is probably more than you bargained for. But I hope it's helpful in some way! I actually had a similar conversation recently with an NB, not on HRT friend of mine. What's the jump that makes you want to do HRT?

I don't think my experience parallels that of a lot of people's - everyone's is unique. But I do think there are good takeaways from my thoughts on this. Now that I have an Adderall prescription and my quarter is about to end, I've started writing some kind of more cited and developed essay or video essay, but that's random future stuff. This post itself is gonna be a little rambling, and a little personal. Sorry!

Vaguely, I think that the *push* to start HRT was a distinct force from tearing down the internal barriers associated with HRT, if that makes any sense. For many people, I think they have some sense of a mild preference of the gender they would "want" to be, but it doesn't bother them enough to actually break down the barriers to transition. For me, breaking those barriers, both internal and external, was as important as the motivations to transition themselves.

One of the major barriers in people's heads, often without them realizing it, is some kind of inherent belief in the "sanctity" of their body. For many people, "permanent changes" are terrifying, "unnatural", and even if they don't have medical risks, intrinsically *feel* like a medical risk they're taking on some level. It's an offshoot of purity culture in a weird way- it's the same root as a fear of psychiatric medicine making you "not you". Much of this is intrinsically religious, but a lot is actually not. I had a little bit of this growing up. Being raised atheist certainly helped in this regard, even though it was still a queerphobic slavic atheism.

The tiny bit of this I did have was sanctity of my mind, which internally, I still viewed as a separate entity from my body. This was 100% incited by crushing academic pressure, which influenced how I think and my own morality in a lot of unexpected ways. I grew up in a kind of infamously high pressure education area. It sounds unrelated, but it's really not. My mind, academics, and thinking kind of got put on a pedestal on my mind. My personal image of myself was basically a detached orb of thoughts and public speaking. I had 0 connection to my body. But since my mind was everything, both psychiatric medication and HRT were these vile things that could alter how I think and my mood! Gasp!

The final, crushing blow to both of these mentalities was studying biology. And WOW there's so much I could say about how studying biology has influenced how I think about this idea, which I want to talk about a lot more outside of the scope of just a tumblr post. But to summarize- it's not even about finding a biological "reason" for transness. It's about how I saw a living thing as a detailed, dynamic, intricate, constantly changing system that is as much a function of its environment as it is any intrinsic factors. And this includes the mind. So since I'm a shambling mass of chemicals anyways..... Why not be a shambling mass of slightly different chemicals?

The "detached orb" image isn't entirely accurate, though. Because, from an early age, I did have a self image that made me happy. And it was a female one. I shoved this deeply out of my mind in shame, leaving behind the "orb". This was my "push", as I called it before. In addition to a weird separation between my mind and my body, an additional factor contributed to my detachment- a growing distress around developing male traits during puberty, which coincided in the worst ways with academic pressure during teen and preteen years. Looking back, I now recognize this as dysphoria. I don't think my dysphoria was ever as extreme as many other people. But this is why I'm emphasizing taking down barriers as much as the weight of dysphoria itself. It has always been easy to distract from my dysphoria, but it's always been my "resting state" without realizing it.

Linked a bit to the second point is also how I felt shame about exploring any aspect of my life other than academic and professional achievement. Being raised in a high pressure environment means that any exploration of my queer identity felt like a distraction from the "real" things I should be focusing on. The final thing that tore this down, which I don't recommend for ANYONE, was an almost traumatic set of events during the pandemic/my masters degree that made me have a wake up call. I wasn't structuring anything in my life for my own happiness. Going through that made me realize I was going to continue being miserable unless I changed that. So... I started taking the idea of transitioning to actually work on my happiness very seriously.

Being a femboy was actually how I tried to reconcile these things in my head. It was my attempt to "compartmentalize"- allow myself to gently indulge in gender nonconformity and the happiness associated with it, while still not making the "commitment" to fully transition. It helps that most of my existence as a femboy was crossdressing during the height of the pandemic- spending hours on analysis and writing while living alone during my MS, wearing femme outfits while I did it. And of course, taking pics to kick off this whole online persona. I also kind of liked the idea of cis gender nonconformity as a concept, and still do. I love how femboys fuck with gender, and I wanted a slice of that for myself. It wasn't enough long term, and my new commitment to happiness overcame my desire to compartmentalize.

The final barriers were practical. By the end of my masters in 2022, I knew I wanted to transition, I just needed to get my social and financial shit together. Cue moving to my PhD university, becoming active in the queer community here, having an accepting professional environment... and yeah. Here I am. Still gotta socially transition outside of my queer circles, but now, I even have a plan for that. I still got a long way to go, but for the first time, I feel like I'm going in the right direction. And I'm very, very happy.

A lot of this is not applicable to everyone. It's mostly my personal experience. But if there is one thing that I think should apply to everyone here, it's this: kill bioessentialism in your mind. Kill the concept of complete sanctity of your mind and body. Break the barriers and then let yourself move freely across the new landscape you've opened up. At the very least, you'll come out with a more healthy relationship with your cis identity. And at best, you'll find a new part of you that needed to be found.

The other thing I think is broadly applicable is this: when initially figuring things out, stop thinking about what you "are", and start thinking about what you want. Would it make you happy to grow breasts, curves, have a femme face, estrogen regulated emotions, and other transfemme HRT changes? Because those are the actual, physical effects of HRT. If the answer is yes, start it. There's no reason not to. Your identity can come later. You deserve to be happy *for the explicit purpose of being happy*. You don't need to validate that desire through some other random factor.

This got WAAAYYYY too long, but if you have any questions, please, please ask!!!!

[atlantis-just-drowned]

howdy !! might I request some pluto x reader content with a reader that really likes to fluster him playfully? assuming they're taller than him, maybe just leaning down to whisper in his ear, grabbing his waist, etc., etc. tysm !!

A/N: Hi thank you for your request!! I made this a gn!reader as usual, I'm starting to realize I'm more comfortable with writing gender neutral or nb/masc aligned reader headcanons so I'll probably stick with that for now. Anyway I hope you'll enjoy this!

Pluto x tall!gn!reader who likes to fluster him

Please reblog this post to show support! Reblogs are what keep me going!

Oh gods

This boy is so easy to fluster

I mean literally just seeing you already makes him feel things

But now you are actually noticing him?

Touching him even?

Uh

He knows this academy is far from being some sort of Heaven but he never felt closer of it in his whole existence

Pluto definitely is touch starved but-

With you it's different

It feels like your hands are straight up made of electricity

To the point of sending shivers down his spine just by laying a hand in the small of his back

He is mortified about it

More generally he's just so embarrassed about how sensitive he is around you, it makes him want to hide away from the entire world but he just can't help himself

Don't get me wrong tho he would be the most desperate man of this whole dimension if you stopped giving him so much affection

He fucking loves it

Being the center of your attention is some sort of dream-come-true to him

He just wishes it wasn't that obvious to others

Because Lenore and Duke most definitely tease him about it

I mean how could they not?

All it takes for you is whisper a few praises in his ears and he is a mess. Face 20 shades darker, breathing chaotic, legs trembling, knees ready to buckle, and heartbeat so fast the rest of the Misfits got scared he was having a heart attack

And despite it all, he still has a large, wobbly smile plastered on his face

The first time you saw Pluto like that you were honestly concerned about him too

But after a while it became some sort of goal to you

You just couldn't stop yourself, his flustered reactions were so precious that you wanted to experience every one of them, again, and again, and again and again and again and again-

Every blush, every shudder, every squirm, every shaky breath, every sound of embarrassment or surprise, every single grasp at your arm or shoulders to try desperately to keep his composure

I am not joking when I say Pluto is desperate for your affection

Because he is

He definitely is

Don't push it too far though because the smallest things already threaten to make him crumble

And I'm desperately trying to keep it SFW but please just look at the guy-

Over time he'll get used to the teasing

... Eventually.

He'll still blush and get surprised but maybe not with the same level of intensity in his reactions

Except if you catch him off-guard

Which you're incredibly skilled at tbh

But one thing you'll experience more often as he gets more comfortable is how he actually responds to it

I mean you're here, leaning down behind him just enough to rest your chin on his shoulder and wrap your arms around his waist

And of course he jumps out of surprise and yelp

But then instead of pulling away he actually

He actually raises a hand to cup your cheek and melts against you

You uh

Didn't expect that to be honest?

If he feels particularly clingy he might even bury his face in your neck

If you get flustered about it in return he will call you out on it

What can I say

It's his personal little revenge for the constant teasing

[souverian-are-we]

my browser is acting up and im impatient so instead of an ao3 comment, it's inbox ask time:

not only because of the nb exploration in No Lifeguard On Duty, but the theme of trusting your body as your guide... that has been really meaningful to me. i was just reflecting on that idea (irl, not related to the fic) and how the body can tell us everything and how much we ignore the calls coming literally from inside the house to brush them off in favour of inauthentic course correction/repression which destroys us (lmao heavy/important stuff!) when i was thinking about that, the lines from mike saying he has to trust his body popped into my head. lol had to tell you that.

it's how ive been feeling a lot lately and, like his character in ur fic, rn it is just about the best and only route to take! surrender and trust n all that lol. anyway, have a feeling this gonna stay with me :) thank you so much for writing it that way <3

friend, everything you are saying here is GOLD. and also so, so kind. thank you.

you're absolutely right in what you say about the ways we ignore the messages we're being sent from ourselves. the call IS coming from inside the house! it DOES destroy us!! inauthentic course correction/repression YES YES YES

honestly, if think about the times i ignore the signals of my body most, and they're at times of lowest self-love. moments where i have a deep distrust of myself or my identity, or when don't feel i deserve to yield to my body's needs.

it is RADICAL to believe yourself and to trust the signals your body is sending you. it can be hard to find those quiet messages over the din of your mind lmao, or of the world. I believe in you, friend! YES! SURRENDER! TRUST! ITS THE ONLY WAY TO SURVIVE!! wishing you all the best, hoping for meaning and light and comfort for you. <3

thanks for such a lovely message. your meaning-making is always more gorgeous than the actual themes i include in fic haha.

anyway, go listen to your body!

[justacanofcorn]

Vigil (Francis Crozier x NB!OC) Preview

This post is a preview/ temperature taker for this fic. My biggest musing is whether to keep it 3rd person or make it 2nd. Either way, mc is non-binary named Bronte. Please enjoy the preview and let me know what you think! Fic below cut.

~~~~~~

Bronte followed James Fitzjames like a dog, and they would have no part in denying it. That's what happens, as Bronte could tell anyone, when you devote yourself to a person completely, and Bronte did, to a very definitive fault. They told James they'd follow him to the ends of the earth; it was considered hyperbole until they actually did.

It was a difficult sell to Sir John Franklin for a great number of reasons. One, Bronte's rank among the men at Singapore had been disputed, despite the fact that they had gone with James from boat to boat, shore to shore, war to war, all the while assuming whatever identity helped them survive and, by promised association, helped James survive. The second reason was the more obvious one: the thing everyone immediately wondered about Bronte, the thing they refused to speak on, because what did it matter? It didn't matter to them, and it didn't affect their marksmanship, or their success as a sailor and soldier.

Bronte and James both knew that if they could convince Sir John to take Bronte, no one would dare question it aloud. Once it became clear that Sir John wanted James, Bronte was all but guaranteed. Because, as much as Bronte followed James, James wanted to go nowhere without them.

Bronte was given no official rank among the Admiralty, which bothered them none. John knew of their exploits, and James would see to it that they got what they were due. It gave Bronte as much comfort as it needed to.

The first time Bronte saw Sir John Franklin, Francis Crozier, and James Clark Ross was not the first time they'd meet them. That date would come later, when they would set sail for the Arctic passage. The night in question came in 1844 at the London Royal Opera House. Bronte sat comfortably in the Admiralty Box, the political implications of which they were blithely aware of, with James, Sir John Barrow, and his son, George. Bronte liked them well enough. A play was being put on about the group of men in the box opposite theirs. It seemed a bit on the nose for Bronte, to tribute someone when they're still alive. Sir John looked at these men thoughtfully.

“Come spring, the Admiralty is going to make one of those men very happy.”

From their seat next to James, Bronte watched as George gave James a knowing smile, and James returned a doubtful, albeit genuine one. He had a right to be doubtful because James had about as much a chance at leadership as they themself did. Where for Bronte it was a matter of appearance, for James, it was a matter of breeding.

“Father means the Passage,” said George. “He thinks it's time to try again-”

“It's high time. I want to see it found while I still live,” Sir John cut in.

A broad, important looking man in the aforementioned box stood and bowed as he was cued to by the actor on stage. Sir John nodded.

“I do not jest when I say the future of Britain very likely sits somewhere up in that box,” he mused. Bronte cast a side glance to James who was, while presumably defeated, as stone faced as ever. He had grown accustomed to second-best since childhood. Bronte, even in their often casual and perhaps uncaring nature, was not too ignorant to deny that their attitude would never hold them back from station. The highest they could climb was always rungs below James. It was a good thing, for both of them, that Bronte did not seek power.

What Bronte wanted was adventure and a death in glory, if James would permit it. Bronte lived to keep James alive. A promise was made, and Bronte would have rather died than see that promise go to ruin. Little did anyone know that the Arctic that called them, the one everyone raced to, would render that promise, and so many others, broken beyond repair.

[sol-consort]

I've been watching those modded gameplays (the ones that let femshep date the male only romancable character), and I was watching the Miranda one, and they're so sweet together 😭. Like Miranda doesn't see herself as a person and only as an instrument, but Shepard makes her realize she's so much more than that!! And low-key they're kinda enemies to lovers too now that I think about it because Miranda didn't like Shepard and Shepard didn't trust Miranda because she was cerberus. But in the end, they worked it out on the remix (The normandys engine room). The illusive man hates to see it.

(Side note: the sex scene in the boiler room was crazy I was not expecting her to take off her suit. I'm kinda jealous because when I played me2, Garrus touched Shepard's shoulder, and then the scene faded to black. Which, like ofc the dialog, tension, and chemistry were good, but I was trying to see some turian badussy)

It's the whole assumption that maleshep players must be guys, and "guys def just want hot intense makeout scenes and to see the other person naked asap"

That to the devs, femshep players must be "women who only care about sensual sex, who are satisfied with a simple fade to black as long as the scene is emotional and romantic"

Kinda of ass

Men deserve soft sex, women deserve to get down nasty. How do these reinforced gender roles even work when someone is NB? Each character's sex scene should be based around their own personality and what would fit them the most.

For example Thane sex scene, it made sense to focus more on the feelings, for him to get very emotional about sleeping with someone after so long, the guilt and sudden moral awareness he has endured, for the whole scene to feel heavy and stuffed, making your heart wrench just for the need to comfort him. For the camera to focus on the way you held his hand, this simple act was anything but casual at that moment.

But Garrus? GARRUS??? he would've slammed you against the wall. Let's be fr. Yes, he is an awkward nerd for guns, but he is also f e r a l when the heat is on. He can be both, especially after all the build-up in that stupid calibration room, about him watching videos and waiting for the right opportunity for the two of you to sneak off. Doesn't he compare it to two turians wrestling to blow off steam for fucks sake? How does that translate into a hand on the shoulder, then fade to black??

[bfwonho]

AITA but i dont wanna use reddit

ok you know what here is the situation. my (only recently) 20 yr old friend (i met them four years ago when we both worked at mcd) lived with their strict, emotionally abusive, overprotective parents until recently. their parents would confiscate tech for yrs at a time, wouldn't let them get vaccinated (i had to help them do that), guilt and shame them, etc. also obviously homophobic and my friend is transfem nb and queer. theyre also the eldest sibling of quite a few and had to handle the pressure of that responsibility and their parents never wanted them to do normal things like getting a car and moving out. i was always there encouraging them even when we stopped working together bc i was like fuck this naive gullible homeschooled kid has no one and they remind me of my younger sibling and im gonna be there for them as much as i can. the only reason they even got a car eventually is cus i kept telling them to so they cld move out

cut back to barely a year ago, they're still so naive and gullible they've lent like 1k+ to ppl who won't pay them back, but they still have like 10-20k in savings and now their own car. they also get into digital art with my help and get into furry porn or whatever. im like ok i guess ur an adult now do what u want. and then theyre like "ive got an online partner from CANADA!!! (we r australian) don't freak out i know it's bad but he's 30." i'm like oh god. they've been together 3 months ish and my friend RLY wants to visit their fuckass boyfriend and i'm like please be careful, please wait at least a year, i know u wont wanna listen to how i rly feel about this but at least just take these precautions. i'm also like when you do meet irl he should come here ur barely 19 and he's 30 like it only makes sense. and theyre like "thank u i promise i will do that"

and then maybe 10 or 11 months into their relationship i find out my friend is in canada with their bf, and has been for like a month, and i only know this bc they're asking if i can pick them up from sydney airport. im like errr that's pretty far away but take the train and i'll pick you up from the station and they're like ok sure! and i ask a bit more about it and find out they believe their parents have been hacking into their laptop because why else would they be suspicious that this canadian guy is their boyfriend, i'm like actually no offense but it's really fucking obvious i don't think they did that... and they're like "yeah anyway my parents are no longer picking me up which is why i need a lift, i admitted i have a boyfriend and they're calling him a pedo (and i almost agree but i just smile and nod) and so i'm not going back and taking their bs anymore, i'm gonna sleep in my car if i have to" so i offer for them to stay at my place for a few weeks.

they go get their stuff from their place, i buy them a pizza cus they havent had dinner, i help them get their stuff inside, set up a temporary bed. they tell me they plan to be out within a few days, i tell them they can stay longer if they need to, but currently their only job is doordash and they should focus on getting a real job so they can find a place and i'm more than happy to help them find somewhere. theyre the type of person to say sorry for everything and not let themselves ever feel comfortable, so i make sure they know they can use the kitchen and bathroom and everything while they're here and to not feel like a huge burden, im gonna be charging them a tiny bit of rent anyway so yeah.

now tell me why it's been over a month, they've applied to only a few places, i specifically put in a good word with them at my job and told them to call back and ask about the application and they just haven't, they've just been doordashing and filling my entire fridge and cupboard with their food, i tell them to use the laundromat cus we don't have enough space for their washing too and they end up asking if they can use our washing machine anyway (i reluctantly say yes), they destroy all my kitchen sponges on washing this one shitty pan i have cus they have to cook an entire grand meal from scratch for breakfast lunch and dinner, they wash up but i'm the only person who cleans the floors and the bathroom so now i'm feeling cramped and stressed out...

i ask my mum about what to do, she says give them 2 weeks to move out, my mum is a guarantor on my lease so in the group chat i explain the situation and say they have 2 weeks, they NEVER RESPOND and start not coming home until late at night... i'm considering moving into another place with a friend atp so i'm like yo maybe you can get on this lease and THEN they respond and start showing up again... and today i called and updated mum on the situation and her partner got on the phone, me and my sibling only got this place cus he apparently called in a favour cus we were rly struggling to find any fucking housing, and so he says "tell him i mean THEMMM if theyre not out tomorrow i will forcibly remove them" and so my sibling makes sure to tell them this face to face so they cant avoid actually responding. i also find out today that this whole time they've been flat broke (to the point they had to borrow my money just to get petrol despite doordashing like 40 hours a week) because they HAVE BEEN HELPING. PAY. THEIR GROWN ASS. SHITTY FUCKING USELESS. PARTNERS. RENT. THIS GROWN ASS MAN NOT ONLY HAD THEM PAY TO GO SEE HIM AND SUCK HIM OFF AND COOK FOR HIM. NOT ONLY WAS LETTING THEM GO BACK TO AUSTRALIA AND JUST BE HOMELESS. BUT HE IS ACTIVELY TAKING THEIR FUCKING MONEY. despite all of this i am deep down INCREDIBLY GLAD that my mum's partner put his foot down to get them out of my house and i feel guilty about it despite risking eviction cus im breaking my lease agreement by having them here loooll

tldr my 20 yr old friend has been living in my house illegally for over a month bc they refuse to go back to their shitty parents, they are however broke and don't have a stable job and their 30 yr old boyfriend is leeching off of them, and now i'm essentially kicking them out of my place within 2 days because my own housing security is at risk

[another-lost-mc]

Hello again! It’s the Mephisto x Mc x Karasu thoughts anon. I’m so happy we share the same braincell lol I was like yessss finally someone else gets the Mephisto and Karasu potential they would be such nerds together!!!

Also, I’m curious what you think on this cause from the fics/stuff I’ve seen so far it’s seems like a 50/50 split: Do you think Mephisto is loud as all hell or completely silent in bed? Personally, I’m on the side that he’s horrifically loud, like the loudest of the cast lmaoo, no matter what specifically he’s doing. He’s always making a snarky comment or rant, or monologue or comeback so it makes sense that he can’t shut up then too. I love him so much<3 Also I was wondering if I could pick an anon emoji? Maybe 📌 if that emoji isn’t taken. I swear I looked at the list like 4 times before I started typing my ask but they just won’t stick in my brain aaaaa. 📢 works too if the other is taken.

I have so many thoughts™️ about this. Let's talk about Mephisto's sexy-time noises first then we can add Karasu to the mix.

nsfw below (cw: degradation, praise kink, dom/sub dynamics)

I agree with the headcanon that Mephisto isn't quiet in bed, but I think there's nuance to it too. The way I picture it:

He's very guarded about letting people see the real him and that includes being intimate with someone or having sex.

So during casual hook-ups with strangers/distant acquaintances, he's not gonna let himself be vulnerable—it's all about that physical comfort and release he wants without exposing his emotional cravings.

I'm talking some grunts, growls, some groans maybe. There's not a lot of talking, that's not the point of quickies like this.

These usually happen in places that don't allow for intimate conversation either. He's not taking these partners home and he doesn't really want to go to theirs either (clubs like The Fall have back rooms for this sort of thing and he uses them often).

A lot of the degradation he spews at MC when I write him is usually because he's in denial, or in certain cases, he's angry/humiliated and wants them to feel as badly as he does.

He tries to avoid talking about his feelings by deflecting it all on the other person, but that strategy only works for so long.

In an actual relationship once he gets over the denial phase, he's still quiet talkative but his tone and his words are much more loving: sultry praise if he's more dominant, unashamed pleas and begging if he's more submissive.

He's also less guarded about the noises he makes so there's more of them. In terms of volume, he's loud but not as loud as Karasu can be.

When it comes to Mephisto x MC x Karasu together, that can change a bit depending on which version of Karasu he's paired with. I see Mephisto being more of a dominant type if there's more than one partner present.

OG!Karasu stumbles and stutters over broken praise and begging, but mostly he's whining and moaning a lot, and very loudly. He's more likely to take a submissive role with Mephisto present so he can spend his energy enjoying you instead.

DILF!Karasu is more controlled. He still makes lots of noises but they're not as loud and they don't have that desperate, needy edge. He's much more comfortable talking during intimacy too. He's worshipful and that means a lot of genuine, loving praise with a hint of teasing if the mood is playful. He's very good at reading what you need from him and giving that to you. If Mephisto is being a tease and a little derogatory, dilf!Karasu makes sure you feel warmth and softness in the things he says.

RAD!Karasu is similar to OG!Karasu but he's less confident and more submissive as a result.

NB!Karasu is like OG!Karasu except when he's feeling angry or jealous in bed (which happens more often than any other version of himself). In that case, he's similar to Mephisto: more dominant, more teasing and even a little derogatory until you can soothe whatever funk he's in. That being said, the likelihood of NB!Karasu sharing you with anyone at all is almost non-existent. lol

read more: mephisto masterlist | karasu masterlist

[goldieghoulie]

Threads research (chapter 9)

So, as it may be of some interest, and perhaps for my own reference later, I've decided to make some effort to compile the references I used while writing chapters of Threads of Fate

For those not familiar with Threads: think of it as a historical romance novel meets Ghost fanfic. But I mainly use it as my justification in researching the early 14th century. The years covered in Threads are 1312-1318.

Caveats: I am not a historian, just a nerd. As this is just a hobby, I spend my time researching things that are interesting to me, not necessarily the "important" bits.

Now, with that chunk of background out of the way, let's go!

Spoilers lite for Chapter 9 below the cut

Random bits

There's not too many rabbit holes this time as the chapter was more focused on Isabel and Secondo than what was around them. Nevertheless, in roughly the order they occur in the chapter, here are the things I spent way too long researching.

Provisions that are edible when frozen. The temperature at the start of the sled journey is supposed to be around -15c to -20c which means things will freeze pretty quickly. Modern recommendations for below-freezing trips tend to rely on modern food (e.g. link NB: it's in Norwegian). I had thought of them simply eating crispbread with toppings but was afraid that the toppings would be frozen. Solved this with Ghoul magic instead lol

Were inns a thing in the 1300s? So yes, at least in an Anglo context (the plight of trying to research in English I'm sure) link. I gave up without too much of a fight in trying to figure out what inns were like in Sweden at the time. We're just saying they're all roughly analogous I did make the authorial choice of not having Isabel and Secondo share a bed with more people. Bed sharing used to be a great deal more common. But for obvious plot reasons (and because of modern opinions of bed sharing) Isabel and Secondo got their own bed and room.

Hair and head coverings: I am basing Isabel's hair and cap on how Morgan Donner has styled her hair here. St. Birgitta was alive in the 14th century (although later than Isabel) so the cap and hairstyle feel accurate and more suited to travel than her usual more free styles. Although, now that we're talking hair/fashion, just going to drop the Codex Manses (browse virtually here) as largely what I am basing hair/fashion off of

Sleds

Because I'm not starting these info dumps at the same time as the story, here's my big question from Chapter 8: what were sleighs/sleds like then?

The real problem is that we have basically no evidence for this era specifically (or none that I could find. Historians please pass me references if you have them!). Watching part of this informative video was useful, however they quickly go beyond the early 1300s.

We have evidence from the Norwegian Oseberg viking burial (dated to the 9th century) of beautifully decorated sleds:

But that's obviously like 400+ish years before Threads. Which means that they're valid, but possibly antiquated. Using the work done here we can look at the manuscripts they reference for the 1300s and...

Well, let's be real. Neither of those are going to work to transport Secondo and Isabel. So what other cold weather climate peoples can we think of? The Russians? How old is the troika? 17th century, damn. Dog sleds were definitely a thing, but I'm not sure about Secondo and Isabel dog sledding across Sweden (even if the huskies are adorable to think about). So, I guess I'll just riff on the Oseberg sled and maybe add some more comfort/size.

This is obviously more modern, but what if we combine elements? Move the driver(s) up to the front and give Isabel and Secondo space in the back? Yeah, I'll just do that. Close enough, right? 😅😂

That's all I can think of for the moment. If y'all find these sorts of mini dives into 14th century life interesting let me know and I'll keep them going for the chapters as they come out

[wonderinc-sonic]

helloo!!! your team dark fics are so so good and mean so much to me!! your characterization of shadow is really meaningful and important to me specifically, i especially love your variety of pronouns it's so awesome! and in the fic where they're teasing omega about his name, i think there's a part where shadow has a compulsion to finish a line of numbers after being interrupted. i'm ocd and this part made me so crazy and happy!!! especially brcsuse it's really similar to one of my own compulsions! i was just wondering, if you would like to, if you could share or elaborate on any more hcs when it comes to shadow and ocd or pronouns or anhthing you'd like! thank you, love your work!! :D

Oh my gosh thank you so much! It's really appreciated, I'm so pleased that you enjoyed them and thank you so much for taking the time to let me know! ❤️❤️❤️

Putting in a read more for scrollers 🙏

Shadow + Obsessive Compulsions

I started exploring compulsions and OCD tendencies more specifically with characters when I was diagnosed with OCD for the second time. (NB: I no longer think I would qualify for a diagnosis as I am, because I manage much better and also am in a less distressing home. I would say I still have tendencies, but do not claim a diagnosis)

I think Shadow as a character in canon shows some of the risk factors for developing compulsive tendencies: he is very fixated on wrongdoing and punishing that as well as perfectionism. Although 'Destroying Earth and Everything On It' is not a common symptom of OCD (lol), I do think that his black and white morality which is informed by trauma could very easily be turned against himself, especially when he comes to the conclusion that what he was doing was wrong.

He also has extremely high expectations of himself, so I could see him becomingnfixated on repeating actions to a point of overexertion and obsession to make them perfect. He has a hard time forgiving himself for not achieving to his own standards, which is something that can make a person become obsessed with their ways of doing things.

I haven't dug that deeply into all of these things specifically, because I don't like to write characters with a specific diagnosis/ neurotype in mind. But I do like to give him some of the traits I experience and experienced within my OCD. I have always had an issue with repeatedly saying sentences under my breath after I said them (I mostly resist it but the instinct is there always) and have a hard time sometimes with both not being able to finish words and also not being able to do anything else until I manage to get the words out. I also have a lot of organising and correcting calming behaviours, and cyclical thinking. I try to present these with Shadow, because I think they fit well and make sense for the character - plus it's always advised to write what you know!

Shadow + Gender

I believe Shadow is a character with quite a unique relationship to gender, and this is fun to explore. My favourite mental playground has Shadow eventually becoming a trans and using she/they pronouns, but after some 10-15 years of slowly getting comfortable with the ideas. However, a la ShtH05, I think there's a lot of ways Shadow could go with gender, including rejecting traditionally gendered pronouns overall. I think the character works for all of these, and I enjoy the subtle differences in writing Shadows with different pronouns, implying different experiences and examinations of the world, with overall similar experiences. Even when I write Shadow with he/him pronouns, I usually have a measure in my mind of how gendered this particular presentation of Shadow is, and most are somewhere on the neutral aspect. I'm pleased at least some people like this! I know that my differing pronoun choices can alienate some readers. Hell, it does confuse me at times, like now when I'm writing 4/7 of my Team Dark fics at the same time, which use different pronouns across them!

Ahh sorry that got long! I do think a fair bit about these choices, so I'm over the moon when someone notices and even better likes them!