#and they’ve given her leads in shows before (keep in mind that they’ve cut me in shows before)

[whirlinglikeaballet]

RANT TIME ‼️‼️‼️

[the-bitter-ocean]

ISAT BAD END THEATER AU NOTES/SUMMARY (MAJOR FULLGAME SPOILERS FOR BOTH BAD END THEATER, AND ISAT/ SASASAP) After a long time brainstorming with friends I present to you.. “THE BAD TIME THEATER AU”!

This au is mainly created by me and @coffeewolf54 / @coffeewolfart together! This is not a exact 1-1 au and will def have some unique stuff in here to better match the themes of isat and bad end theater!

I’ve talked about this Au with a lot of my friends on discord ( thank you @felikatze @daily-odile @tealgoat and everyone else who decided to draw art for /listen to me ramble about me and coffee’s au.)

The general gist of the story and everyone’s roles are under the cut:

|Welcome one and all esteemed guests to THE BAD TIME THEATER! A place home to many tragic tales on display for the world to see.|

|I am “TRAGEDY”- (aka the Playwright and Narrator). Alongside me is “COMEDY”- (aka The Director) to help showcase what our theatre has to offer to you all. |

|The premise is simple: You can choose between one of four actors to see their stories and it is our job to show you their fates! Don’t fret if you are unsatisfied with a particular ending, my dear Stardust and I can reset the stage anew! That being said every path often leads to tragic ends..but ah, what else can you expect from a place like this? |

|Even still..even now I wonder.. if this unlucky cast can be saved…|

|…Oh well. We should move on now~!|

|Without further ado… let’s meet the main cast! |

[ISABEAU: “THE HERO”] - A human. His role is the courageous defender that was appointed by the King himself with slaying monsters and protecting people. He is good friends with the Maiden and has been over the years questioning their role that’s been given to him. The Hero is fairly certain that he has never met any demons before personally but very adamant in the belief that not all demons would want to hurt others. (Though if he were being completely truthful he’d much rather be a fashion designer then have to fight anyone. )

{ MIRABELLE: “THE MAIDEN”} - A human. Her role is the faithful maiden who’s meant to passively fulfill her destiny of being martyr lest the town supposedly be at risk from being attacked or killed by evil monsters. She is good friends with the Hero and tries her best to be a devout follower. A huge fan of stories and curious to see if demons are anything like the tales she’s read in her books. ( Though if she were being honest… she has some doubts about her role in life and wants to take action. )

< ODILE: “THE OVERLORD”> - A half demon (half human). Her role is the (seemingly) cold and pragmatic ruler of the demons, gaining the title after her father recently passed away. She is described by other people as standoffish, she seems to have taken in the Underling and their older sister under her protection. Wary of humans and tends to lean towards keeping her subjects safe by having very little interactions with them. ( Though if she were to tell the truth, she admits to wanting to have a world where demons and humans can coexist peacefully.)

( BONNIE: “THE UNDERLING”) - A demon. Their role is to serve the Overlord and was tasked to help by providing support to their people by creating food for everyone. The underling and their older sister got saved by the overlord a long time ago- so they’ve been really loyal to her ever since then. ( Though if they were being honest, they want to help protect everyone like the Overlord does and not be forced to stay on the sidelines.)

and last but not least we have…

<̶̨̬͕̬̼̼̜̋̇ͅ|̶̧̢̧̛̻̘̱̲̠̓͆̒̓ ̵̰̤̦̥̰͒̾̌͗͗͋“̷̧̼̘̼̻̂́͜ͅT̵̡̤̳̯͍͓̅͂̌̋̅͒ͅḨ̵̡̱̺͍̰̞̅̆̎̀͜Ė̸̹̜͇̬̥̇͋̾̈́ ̶̺̭̀̅̅̀̍̊T̷̹̭̝̺̝̳̊R̶̗̱̹̙̍A̴̻͇̎̀̐̾̊̆̽͑V̴͚̫̦͚̅͂̈́̎͘͝E̴̦͋̈́̿̈́̑L̸̪̼̗̀̾̒͊̍͛Ĺ̸̮Ȩ̵̹͓̻͖̹̝̍͝ͅR̷̼̬̤̖̭͉̀̈̌͊̀͜͝”̸͎̘͆͊͜͝|̵̩͙͚̱̎̅͝>̶̳̬͙̫̘͈̆͐̍̓́̇͝- [??????? ERROR 404 DATA NOT FOUND]

|Huh? Oh my. Well, it seems like there’s been a mistake there! Pay no mind to that dear audience! We hope that you grow to love our actors as much as we do~! Let’s get the show on the road Stardust, we can’t keep our dear audience waiting any longer! |

[bridgyrose]

Ruby could feel the strain in her muscles as her scythe slammed into another grimm, her blade catching on the bone armor before slicing through the rest of it. Scars littered her arms from the missions she had taken, many of them reminders of mistakes she had made… the weapon she had become. 

“Are you finished?” Blake asked as she leaned against the opposite side of the tree from Ruby, her White Fang mask still hiding most of her identity.

Ruby folded her scythe and placed it on her back, silver eyes staring at Blake. “You’re the one who’s late. I thought you decided not to come around this time.” 

“Had to make sure I wasnt walking into a trap.” Blake walked out from behind the tree, her hand reaching towards her mask as she thought about taking it off, only to pull her hand away. “I still have my reservations working with you. Not to mention trying to talk the rest of my people into trusting a human.” 

“What Salem offers will keep you and the rest of the faunus safe. Free. All I ask is that you and the rest of the White Fang help me bring down Beacon Academy.” 

“And why should I risk their lives to help you and your goddess?” 

Ruby kept her eyes on Blake, watching as the faunus leader reached for her own blade. Everything about Salem’s plan to take down Beacon hinged on getting the White Fang on their side, no matter what it cost. “I can provide them food, weapons, dust… anything you require. This isnt about knocking the huntsmen down, this is about creating a new world where everyone is equal and free. A world where you no longer have to worry about whether people are going to treat you as a person or as just a faunus.” 

“And if I decline?” 

“Then I cant promise your safety.” 

“I cant put the lives of my men into that kind of danger.” 

Ruby frowned as she watched Blake walk back to her camp, instinctively reaching for her scythe. It’d be so easy to cut her down, to move on to whoever takes up her mantle next and convince them that this was a necessity. But if she was going to do this right, she had to convince Blake, not kill her. 

“Told you she wasnt going to join us,” Emerald said as she dropped from the branch she had been watching from. “We’d be better off finding someone else.” 

“No, it has to be her,” Ruby said quietly. “She has ambition, but she’s being held back by someone else. We just need to give her a reason to join us.” 

“And what do you have in mind?” 

“You said there were some huntsmen nearby, right?” 

“Yeah, maybe a day away.” 

Ruby smirked and started to walk towards the nearest village. “Give them a tip about this White Fang camp. I’m sure they’ll pay well if we can give them one of the terrorist leaders they’ve been looking for.” 

Emerald followed Ruby, almost looking behind her in the direction Blake had walked. “I thought we needed the White Fang. Wouldn't getting them arrested make it harder for us to use them?” 

“We wont let them get arrested.” 

“Then what’s the point of the huntsmen?” 

“Blake needs a push to join us, and we’ll use the huntsmen as just that. She cares about the men she leads and she’d do anything if it means keeping them safe. All we have to do is show them just how much safer they’ll be helping us than being on their own.” 

“And you’re sure this will work?” 

“Of course it will.” Ruby flashed a smile to Emerald as the sun almost made her silver eyes glow inhumanely. “And if that still doesnt convince them, then we move on to our next plan.” 

Emerald nodded and took a step back, her voice shaking. “Yes Ruby.” 

Ruby started towards the village again. There was a small thought in the back of her mind that this wouldnt work, though she tried to push that thought aside as she continued. So far, everything was going as Salem had planned and that was all that mattered. Mercury had successfully tracked the maiden and was following her, Blake would soon enough join her once she was given a reason, and classes were just about to start for the academies. As long as Watts could manage to get her and the rest of her team enrolled into Haven, then the last bit she needed to infiltrate the Vytal Festival at Beacon would be in place. 

And no one would be prepared for the storm that was coming.

[ct-hardcase]

Or: Why I Ship Terekeeve, Why You May Want To Also, and Why Cavan Might Also Be Heading That Way

First, this is predicated on me being a sucker for friends to lovers. To me, this thread can simply be boiled down to “I like their friendship, think they have chemistry, and want them to kiss about it” and that can be that.

That being said, there are also thematic reasons that make the ship appealing to me, and, given recent developments with Terec’s character, make me wonder if Cavan may also be heading that way. For certain, I think that an emphasis is being placed on the two of them having a close friendship, and that this has mattered for their stories, and will probably matter down the line.

[Long post under the cut]

To get there, let’s define some beats in their personal arcs/storylines:

Keeve (Phase I): Getting over imposter syndrome/lack of confidence, realizing that her heroes aren’t infallible.

Keeve (Phase III): Desperately trying to hold herself together, lead the team.

Terec (Post-Drengir): Wants their own mind/to be their own self.

In Phase I, though Keeve expresses initial annoyance with Terec (and Ceret), she falls into an amiable dynamic with them almost immediately. After their first mission together, Keeve bandages Terec, and cares about how much they’ve been wounded. Though this is because Keeve is a good Jedi and would do this for anyone, Keeve also leaves her hand lingering on Terec’s shoulder for a panel longer than it takes for her to bandage them up.

Afterward, it’s implied that Keeve, Terec, and Ceret become frequent mission partners for the next few months (and issues) as they work to defeat the Drengir. The next big terekeeve moment comes when the Jedi undertake a mission to take on the Great Progenitor. After a skirmish at the beginning of the issue, Keeve splits off to find Avar, and Terec volunteers to go with her. 

After they separate from the group, Keeve recognizes Terec and identifies them by name, which they seem pleased by.

While Keeve may have identified either twin correctly before this in the timeline, this is the first time the reader sees Keeve correctly identify them or Ceret. Thematically, I take this as an early nod toward Terec’s individuality, which I believe this is supported in the next few pages, due to the following:

Keeve and Terec stumble upon the root mind, to which Terec says “I think she knows, Keeve Trennis.” 

Terec and Ceret, until this point, use “we/us” to describe themselves, as they share a mind, and the first time someone notices either twin’s usage of “I” comes later in 2021’s Issue 10, when Terec is about to get husked by the Nameless, and Ceret can no longer feel them in the Force:

Ceret: “I have lost them.”

Nooranbakarakana: “I? Since when did they say I?”

Ceret: “Terec is gone. I…am alone.”

Avar: “Gone? What do you mean? Ceret—is Terec one with the Force?”

Ceret: “I will…we will attempt to re-establish connection.” 

However, Issue 8 marks its first usage in the 2021 comic. I’ll come back to this, but keep a note that the first time Terec refers to themself as “I”, it’s around Keeve. 

I think that Terec referring to themself as such around Keeve in this scene is significant, both in that they trust her, and (though this next part is speculation), shows that Keeve plays a part in Terec realizing their wanting a sense of self.

Keeve then undergoes a major part of her own personal arc when Terec asks whether they need to call the others for help, and she responds: 

“No. We’re enough. We’ve always been enough.” 

Though this is a conclusion Keeve was long coming to, I still think it’s meaningful that she reached that conclusion with Terec at her side.

Later, the two are sent undercover to infiltrate the Nihil together, and while the two are preoccupied with the plot, they get a moment alone together in the Nihil stormship. Keeve nicknames Terec “Ter”, and while this seems like an alias for the sake of the mission and to fool the reader into thinking they’ve defected for real, put a pin in that for later. She also rests her hand on their shoulder as they get pulled in by the Nihil’s tractor beam.

The two infiltrate the Nihil and make a fun team to watch as a battle couple, but while that’s part of why I ship them, it’s not a substantive part of the analysis. 

Afterward, Terec is subdued by the Nameless and begins to get husked, while Keeve shrinks away. Though this is mostly a response based on fear for Keeve, she does lean on them for support one final time:

After the pair is rescued by Avar and Sskeer, we don’t get much else from Phase I that isn’t Keeve caring about both Terec and Ceret; though her sadness and frequent visits to their bedside shows the growth of her friendship with both twins since the first issue. Terec and Ceret wake up and save Keeve, which does a lot to show both them being damn good Jedi, but also equally her friend as she is with them.

At this point, between Phases I and III, I’d argue that despite the bond having been intact (or at least, until the Dregir incident) between Terec and Ceret, there are enough moments between just Terec and Keeve that solidify a dynamic and trust between those two specifically, as opposed to Terec, Keeve, and Ceret as a trio or Keeve and Ceret’s friendship (though I cherish those dynamics too!).

I also want to check in on how the two characters compliment each other’s themes:

Though Keeve describes Terec and Ceret as living legends at the beginning of the comic, she quickly falls into a peer to peer dynamic with them. She doesn’t have to idolize Terec and Ceret; they’re her friends and mission partners, as opposed to Avar and Sskeer, both of whom she idolizes and then sees their flaws.

We don’t really get Terec’s desire for individuality as strongly in Phase I, but as I mentioned earlier, I think that Keeve is the first person to really facilitate that, either in them, or as the audience sees it. 

_

Moving into Phase III, one of the biggest developments for this situation is the instability in Terec and Ceret’s bond, and the theme that Ceret is clinging to the link between their minds, while Terec craves independence, creating a source of conflict between the twins. Though, for most of the run, they still can sense each other’s thoughts and still have the bond, they move more as two different people as opposed to a unit. 

Another one of the more notable terekeeve moments happens in Issue 1, as Keeve is about to be husked by the Nameless, and Terec hears/senses that she’s in danger. Breaking military formation, they dive-bomb into the atmosphere and straight at the Nameless to kill it, stating that Keeve can’t give up. 

Additionally, Terec stops calling Keeve “Keeve Trennis”, here, like both twins did previously, and starts simply calling her “Keeve”. This disparity continues throughout the rest of the run.

On the same mission in Issue 2, the plot is mostly moving (though Keeve expresses concern for Terec before confirming their survival). Notably for Terec, they an implicit “I/me” to refer to themself for the second time, and again, in response to Keeve:

“The Nihil berserker has been shot. Am attempting to alleviate their discomfort.”

Issue 3 has Terec and Ceret blatantly defy Republic orders to help Keeve save Sskeer and jump to the Occlusion Zone. This confirms that all three are still close (and, while mostly unrelated to terekeeve as a ship, shows that Terec and Ceret will cooperate with each other for Keeve’s sake). The plot mostly keeps trucking along through Issue 4 (though we get confirmation that Terec still calls Keeve only by her first name, and that Ceret is still referring to her as “Master Keeve Trennis” or “Keeve Trennis”, for context). 

Issue 5 has most of the main cast hitting intense emotional peaks, but relevant to this meta, explicitly outlines Terec’s desire to have their own mind, and Ceret’s contrasting fear of losing Terec. Keeve learns that, though she can bring Sskeer back down to earth (metaphorically speaking), he’s not alright.

Though Issue 6 mostly keeps the plot and exposition moving, Issue 7 contains what I’d argue is this run’s biggest terekeeve moment. 

First, Terec uses “I/me” a third time when reassuring Keeve that they’re alright after the Yacombe child lashes out at them (“The Force protects me, Keeve.”). This marks the third time out of three that they use “I/me” to respond to Keeve specifically.

After the situation with the Yacombe child unleashing her powers, Goonral Monshi dies, and the group takes a moment to rest after nonstop plot since the first issue. The team breaks into smaller groups at the funeral pyre, but notably, Keeve and Terec split off alone. While this thread has mostly been on the substantive/thematic reasons I think Keeve and Terec work as a couple, I do want to point out that this scene has framing that could be seen as romantic (or at least intimate) with the two sat closer together than they’ve been on the page together in a while, and the moonlight/firelight framing them. 

After an exchange about their current circumstances (we’ll get to that in a moment), Terec states that “We will take the first watch.” while Terec is still referring to themself with “we/us” pronouns during this run, this is no longer a rule, and notably, they’ve just referred to themself using “I” in this issue a few pages ago, and hadn’t used “we” for themself since. While this hasn’t been explicitly stated (and creds to @deusexvalerate for this observation), I think that this context means that Terec was referring to “we” as in “themself and Keeve”, but Keeve was too involved in her own issues to catch that. 

On the note of Keeve being caught up in her own emotions, though the audience has been aware of Keeve’s feelings for a while due to flashbacks and her internal monologue, this is the first time she’s expressed them out loud to any of the cast. Terec and Keeve have been friends throughout the two comic runs, and have raised each other up before, but Keeve demonstrates a deep trust in them here, a trust that she hasn’t placed in anyone else in that group. When Keeve expresses her insecurities, Terec argues back that she has been a good leader. 

Finally, remember that pin I asked you to put in Terec’s nickname from Phase I? Terec dropped to a level of familiarity with only using Keeve’s first name earlier in this run (and repeatedly in this conversation). Keeve using an old nickname for them feels notable here, especially given the intimacy and trust of the situation.

The plot keeps moving along for the next few issues, and doesn’t really give us any moments I’d say are concrete ship fuel between Keeve and Terec in Issues 8-10.

However, in a very significant moment for Terec, they close the bond with Ceret during Issue 9. Though it’s been a strong theme in their story until this point, this is the first time they admit their desire for their own mind out loud. This also marks the first time they’ve used “I/me” for themself while not speaking to Keeve, which I assume will continue through the duration of Tempest Breaker and thr 2025. While Terec and Ceret seem to come to an uneasy understanding, I’m sure that any tension will get developed further during the aforementioned works.

I don’t have any concrete predictions for how Terec and Keeve’s relationship will develop going into the future, but right now, Keeve is in an insecure place due to Sskeer’s betrayal, and I suspect she hasn’t recovered from her insecurities about leading a team quite yet. Though Keeve feels strongly about Sskeer, she probably won’t confide in him about her feelings for a while yet, and though she’s created a strong bond with Lourna, their trust is still tenuous. Of her close relationships, it seems natural that she’d turn to Terec, given that she’s done so on multiple occasions before this.

As for Terec, they have to learn what it means to be their own person, now. As much as Keeve trusts Terec, they also had their sense of self affirmed by her, and trusted her to the point where all three times we hear them refer to themself by “I” (or some variation thereof), it’s around her. Especially since they probably won’t be able to confide in Ceret about their newfound split, at least not for a while, they may turn to Keeve for support. 

In terms of how their relationship develops, I hope it continues along the same lines that it has previously, and they continue to grow platonically closer. Originally, that’s all I thought it was going to be canonically, but between the sheer vibes (and content) of that Issue 7 page, and the fact that Terec now has their own mind, the massive factor that would potentially make a romance awkward to write just came down. Additionally, Cavan’s no stranger to a slow(ish) burn—look at Vildar and Tey from thr 2022—and the fact that they’re close could develop in a romantic or platonic direction. If we assume that there was an endgame that he’s planning with Keeve and Terec, there’s the possibility that it could have been planned from the beginning of Phase I. Finally, we have reasonable certainty that Keeve is leaving the Order. While I don’t think the catalyst for that will be a forbidden romance, it’s both a factor to pile onto why Keeve may want to go, and a way to either break her and Terec up at the end of Phase III, or provide a new direction for them to go in.

[starry-mist]

Have I done a “here’s where I think this bullshit might be leading to this season plus also some alternate options that I hate” post yet?

Anyway, here’s where I think this bullshit might be leading to this season plus also some alternate options that I hate.

It took me three tries, as per usual, to remember how to spoiler cut on my phone. Tumblr, I hate you sometimes.

Okay. Sarah. Taking Ph.D classes in behavioural science in Halifax. This is either setting up a) Mayko actually leaving or b) Sarah pulling a Julia Ogden from Murdoch Mysteries with the multiple role changes. I prefer the latter. The former is because I’ve had trust issues since season 3. (Also if Sarah nopes out to Halifax I’m gonna headcanon that she’s run away to be with Karma, fight me.)

Charlie being distant with Sarah (and also everyone.) I hate this. However, the parallel between Sarah taking classes and Julia going back to school before promptly cheating on him has to weigh on his mind. I have written a bit of an angsty fic that touches on this. Not sure if I’m ready to edit and post.

I also think Charlie is intentionally being written as a little more “rough around the edges” and I’m not a fan. And I think they’re purposely separating him and Rex from the rest because iT’s ThE hUdSoN aNd ReX sHoW.

Jesse. Joe is clearly training him in some detective skills, despite his being at a desk. I need him away from that desk. I need Sarah out of the lab. I neeeeed them to keep continuity with s5.

Charah. There is a possibility they’re taking a break. There is a possibility they just don’t have as much time together right now. Also, the promo for episode 4 100% feels like shipper bait. But I’d be happy to be pleasantly surprised.

Random hints I’ve noticed being dropped: Jesse perhaps taking another job (episode 1.) Sarah considering a new house/eventually “officially” moving in with Charlie, or they buy a place together (episode 2.) Sarah considering leaving (episode 2.) Charlie on the outs with his family (episode 2.) Charlie finishing his motorcycle because…reasons? (episode 2.) I’m wondering if episode 4 he goes in to renew his insurance and then ends up in the hostage situation. Which is quite silly but also high stakes so, there’s potential. Some of these hints feel like they could be setting up this season being the last, and they may have planned the arcs for a satisfying finale. (Look, I’d love lots of seasons too, with the caveat that they bring back the familiar format, but Diesel won’t live forever.) I haven’t watched episode 3 so I don’t know if it dropped hints.

There’s a lot riding on this week’s episode, which I may end up watching and regretting. If it confirms a Charah breakup, I’ll be back after episode 16. If it elaborates on what their current status is, and what the deal is with Sarah taking classes, I’ll accept that. The thing is, this episode is supposed to be a one hour real time episode, so I’m not expecting it to answer a ton of character questions in that hour. Though as I write this, the thought has popped into my mind that if Sarah is taking classes in psychology she might play “hostage negotiator”. Could be cool. But given they’ve so far reduced her screen time, I won’t hold my breath.

Anyway. My thoughts so far, based only on two episodes.

Also, it amuses me to no end that any time the show accounts post literally anything, the majority of comments are “tell us what the hell is happening with Charah.” Give the fans what they want, production team. We’re literally begging you.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Draw your swords, pt. 6

Summary: Losing someone can make you realize what was already there and the Darkling is about to find that out the hard way.

Warnings: angst, violence, swearing, bit of fluff

Part one // Part two // Part three // Part four // Part five  

=================================

Five days have passed and the Darkling had never stopped looking for his wife. His men never saw him rest, sleep was simply never on his agenda. He barely ate at all, merely giving time for the rest of them to gather their strength.

He was restless, constantly questioning how this could have happened. No matter how he looked at it, the Darkling felt guilt consuming him. Without his rage, he worried the guilt would have paralyzed him. Had he not went on a pointless hunt for something that’s likely a tale, she would have been right by his side, antagonizing him.

It’s been hundreds of years since he felt this way, as if his heartstrings are being pulled by someone other than himself. In this search for Y/N, he realized she is consuming. After all, she might have been right – a part of him may actually care for her. He cursed that part of himself over and over again as result.

They’ve tracked her toward Fjerdan borders. Every now and then, they would find bodies on the road, their throat cut or stabbed right through the heart. Sometimes, he found them alive still. He never refrained from calling on his shadows, trying to draw useful information to close in on their whereabouts.

Y/N never saw him use his shadows before. He couldn’t help but wonder if she’d disapprove of the means he’s using to find her. After all, she called him a demon on their wedding night. She would never accept him as he is, he had no doubt about that.

Did she want to be found by him?

The first body they found, the Darkling smiled. He didn’t question it was her hands who have taken the man’s life. There was no concrete proof, but he was certain of it. Every body found felt like her own version of breadcrumbs.

Closing his eyes, he exhaled heavily. If she managed to set herself free so many times to leave what was now five dead men behind, he couldn’t help but worry for her safety. What was the price of each crumb she left?

It wasn’t just the exposure to snow he worried about – and he did worry as she got cold too quickly and he was the one to warm her up before. Who’d warm her up now?

The darkness of the forest gave him cause to worry too – she may have tried to hide it, but he knew she was afraid of the dark. He realized it when her breathing turned shallow and fast their first night together just as she extinguished the candlelight. The next night, he left his candle to burn long into the night.

Something stirred inside him, a beast has awakened. Despite the war his heart and mind waged, he wondered if he’s his own worst enemy. Maybe it was time to let someone in. For too long, he had been alone in the shadows of his past lives.

Why is he repeating the same mistakes?

How can he be afraid when he married a woman who never blinks in the face of danger?

His heart was ice and stone until she came and now the ice has started to melt. All he’s done is hurt and destroy, but he wanted out of the loneliness that clings to him.

She was right, as hard as it is to admit it. He’s a demon, a devil that walks the earth and he cares. Because of her he hopes he might love again and he can’t let anyone take that from him – hope is the only thing stronger than fear. And when a devil falls in love and discovers hope, it’s the most hauntingly beautiful sight. They should fear him as he will go to the depths of hell to protect her.

While his eyes may have been closed, his heart jumped as a bright flash forced him to open them again.

He was never given a chance to be soft. His hands had to be bloody, to have people fear him. Only when they feared him, they wouldn’t hurt him. Now was the time to show them just why they fear him.

“Where?” He growled out, looking to Ivan and Fedyor who were looking at the sky.

“East”, Fedyor replied hastily, ready to follow Kirigan who set off in said direction without a second thought. He didn’t order anyone to follow, but they did.

Ivan and Fedyor walked two steps behind their general, alert as the flash had awakened them from a deep slumber. They weren’t the only ones shaken, unsure what they’re walking into but none showed fear as their general lead them straight to the source. Their loyalty, their belief in general Kirigan runs deep.

Except for David. He was afraid. He didn’t want to be in that forest and he didn’t want to be in danger, but he trusted Kirigan. Besides, Y/N was nice and Genya seemed to like her. So he came along too.

Kirigan walked in strides, the snow didn’t slow him down. His hands formed fists, his face twisted in anger, but his heart pounded in his chest as he had no inkling what he might find. All he knew was that he had to get there, fast.

As if made of darkness itself, the Darkling emerged on what looked like a battlefield. The trees surrounded a small clearing covered in snow that melted under the spilled blood – still warm as it poured from the dead surrounding her.

She’s on her knees, two Fjerdans chaining her up as if she’s a wild animal.

“You think you’re scary, huh?” She spat at the Fjerdan’s feet – a crimson liquid, Darkling realized. She’s bleeding.  

“That’s adorable”, she chuckled maniacally as she held her fierce gaze on the Fjerdan stood before her. They pulled her left hand behind her back and her right hand in front as they tightened the chains that were secured over rope that laid just beneath.

Darkling’s blood boiled. It is fear that brings rage, that hot burning anger that seeks to harm. Once again, he was afraid, not of her but for her.

Four more Fjerdans came from behind the trees, all covered in blood. “Fucking bitch”, one of them kicked her in the ribs and he couldn’t take anymore. He could kill them easily for what they’ve done – he’s killed every one of them he ran into in the past five days without even blinking, regardless if they were involved in her disappearance or not.

“Mister, I’ve seen scary and you don’t have his handsome smile.”

Licking his lips, the Darkling nearly smiles at her remark. There’s no possible way she means anyone else but him. Looking at his Grisha, he found them nearly all in position. They would attack in a minute, swiftly and deadly.

Yet in a moment of carelessness, he missed the Fjerdans realization they’re being watched. Too quickly, more of them appeared. The pitiful human managed to land a few consecutive blows to Darkling’s face before drawing a dagger.

Angry, dark eyes showed the Fjerdan that the Darkling’s brain is in a different mode, that he has switched gears from empathy he had for his wife to cold emotional indifference. Never once has he directed this mode in Y/N’s direction, yet it emerged when he sensed a threat to her life, letting out a part of him that was full on protective.

Grunting, the Darkling’s eyes narrowed at the human who dared to sink the blade into his heart. Despite his immortality, he could still hurt. The pain of a stab wound felt just as it would if here as fragile as the human before him.

But he’s not human at all.

Connecting his hands, the Darkling lifts his head as he summons the darkness that spills from every corner of the forest. “Foolish”, he sneers, “Attacking me in the dark?” The Darkling smirked, walking past the petrified Fjerdan, allowing his shadows to administer a thousand cuts for his transgression.

As he walked toward the middle of the circle, his shadows followed, aiding his Grisha in taking the rest of the Fjerdans so quickly that Y/N gasped.

Looking around in shock, she found Kirigan kneeling beside her.

“You have a knife”, she coughed into her shoulder, “A knife in your chest.”

“I promised”, he gasped for breath as he pulled the knife from his chest. “That I would protect you and I intend to keep the damn promise.”

On the brink of tears, her lips quivered before she laughed. “I thought you’d let them kill me.” Better to laugh than cry, she thought.

Frowning, he shook his head. “That would be too easy”, he waved David over who stood at the tree line, wide eyed. “If anyone’s going to kill you, it should be me.”

Even with tears blurring her vision, she giggled at his stupid remark. She had tried so hard to free herself.

It wasn’t the first time she had been captured by enemies, she knew what to do. But there were so many of them. Each time she freed herself, they would descend upon her. She managed to run, twice, each time they dragged her back kicking and screaming.

Despite his words, Y/N didn’t believe Kirigan would come for her. She had to be her own hero and she tried. In the end, she used everything at her disposal – everything.

Feeling the chains drop, Y/N glances at David, “Thank you.” The ropes were cut as well, but she didn’t move. Truth be told, she wasn’t sure if she could stand on her own and asking for help would wound her. Rubbing her bruised wrists, she reluctantly looked at Kirigan.

“Here”, Kirigan offered his hands. Truth be told, he wanted to carry her, but he knew her pride wouldn’t allow it.

Hissing, she forced herself up despite Kirigan’s offer. “I am perfectly capable of walking on my own.”

He’d have asked her again because she trembled when the wind blew. Her hair was matted with blood, her face red and not from blushing. He could see the damage they’ve done more clearly now as she bent to take a deep breath as if the simple act of breathing hurt her.

Staring at her, he nodded despite his better judgment. Her breathing was ragged, dragging her feet as she walked. She felt his eyes on her, it unnerved her. All she could do is hope her legs don’t give out, but it felt as if they would betray her any moment now.

“Go and make camp ahead”, he ordered his Grisha to speed up as he realized her stubbornness would kill her. Stepping before her, he wrapped an arm around her waist. There would be no asking her for permission this time, he’ll not allow her to deny his help. Hoisting her up in his arm, he held his breath as she cried out in pain.

“I’m sorry”, he whispered, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

How could he not bring any healers? How could he have been so stupid?

Groaning, she sent him a stern glare yet found no anger in his. His eyes are like the ocean - they have the potential to destroy, yet when the waves reach the shore, they dissipate, leaving soft designs in the sand as a gentle reminder of its presence.

Leaning into his embrace, Y/N let out a gentle sigh of resignation. She’s been caught in the riptide and for once, she doesn’t want to fight it.

“I really thought I’d die”, she admits reluctantly.

Feeling him stiffen as he held her in his arms, Y/N frowned. Perhaps she shouldn’t have said that, or anything at all. This isn’t what they do, they don’t bare their hearts open.

“And when I faced death”, she continued regardless. Tilting her head to look up at him, she let out a shuddered exhale. A shy smile adorned her lips as their eyes shared a gaze so tender, an outsider would believe them to be in love.

“I thought how silly it is that I don’t know your first name.”

Snorting, Kirigan raised his eyebrows, “Really?”

“Yes”, she breathes out.

Looking at her now, the Darkling couldn’t believe this is his wife. The woman who infuriates him so often seemed so small, so fragile in his arms. Her gaze held remains of the horrors she was cast into and yet he never saw her as earnest before.

“I married you and I don’t even know your name.”

Licking his lips, he stops. Truth be told, no one actually knows his name. His name was long forgotten, a piece of his soul he had left behind in the fold. He promised himself he’d never utter it while he lives. He had promised he would never be that man again.

Unfortunately for him, he seems to be breaking his promises lately.

He promised her he’d protect her and he failed, just as he promised himself he’d never care for her and yet he does.

“Aleksander”, he mutters, still unsure if it’s the right decision. He placed one of his greatest secrets in the hands of a woman who’d see his world burn. He gave her power she never should possess and yet he’s not afraid. No one could make him fear anything after the ordeal he was put through since she decided to tear down his defenses.  

Smiling softly, she closed her eyes. Resting her head on his shoulder she felt satisfied. It may be small, but finding out his name felt like a victory. She was born to play this game, it was her destiny. He is her destiny.

Waking up, she found herself wrapped in several blankets inside a tent. Grunting, she struggled to sit up on her own. It seemed to be dark still, but she had a blue light lantern lit inside. She may not know who left it there, but Y/N was thankful. Despite her fear of dark, she found it odd she did not fear Aleksander’s darkness at all.

When his shadows nearly encased her in the clearing, she didn’t fret or worry. She smiled.

As contradictory as it may seem, she wished he was with her now. Her entire body ached and still, she was more bothered by the empty spot beside her. Shaking her head, she bites her lower lip. Would it be so bad if she showed a sliver of vulnerability for a single night? Would making a small concession such as this truly take away her power?

Before she has a chance to change her mind, she’s already outside of her tent. The cold chilled her to the bone, biting every inch of exposed skin. Teeth chattering, she looked to the tent next to hers as it was the only one so close – seemingly intentional.

Trying to open it in the cold seemed impossible as her fingers shook violently. Feeling faint, she wondered why she couldn’t just stay in her own tent for the night. Surely it would have been a better idea than to admit she’s scared to be alone.

A warm liquid trickled down her lip and she nearly laughed at her own idiocy. The darkness and cold and her own injuries have all been fairly good reasons for her to just sleep and try to recover and she still tried to find her husband who showed so much disdain for her in the past.

Just as she was about to give up, a familiar head of hair peaked through.

Shivering, she wipes the liquid from under her nose with the back of her hand. Looking at it, she realizes it’s blood. There’s a slightly dazed look in her eyes, the blood loss suffered over the past days leaving its mark.

Looking up at Kirigan, her lips tremble and she sways slightly as her legs threaten to give out. “I didn’t know who else to go to”, she mumbles meekly before collapsing into Kirigan’s arms.

No…Aleksander’s arms.

Pulling her inside, he wrapped her in his arms as she shivered. Covering her with blankets didn’t seem to help either, but he had confidence it would soon enough.

She closed her eyes, clinging to him and selfishly, he smiled. It brought back memories of the night she climbed atop of him to warm up, he assumed. She didn’t know he was awake then, but she did now. She trusted him enough to seek warmth and as her shivers stopped slowly. That’s when the Darkling realized he would never deny her anything she asked of him.

“Fuck”, he whispers under his breath and her eyes open.

He looked at her in a haunted way, a shadow of a bruise marred his jaw and she reached up to touch it, her chest aching when he nuzzled into her palm. They have never been quite as tender with one another, never so intimate. It felt surprisingly nice.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” She asked, feeling so emotionally raw. Physical pain and lingering fear of impending death must have weakened her for a short while. Surely, she can allow herself a few moments of humanity?

He caught her wrist and pulled her hand down to press flat over his heart. “Here.”

Drawing a shuddered breath, her eyebrows knitted in worry. That’s where the knife was, she remembered with guilt. He could have died for her. Hating him requires too much energy; one she had little to spare. For the night, he can just be her husband and she will just be his wife. What harm can it do?

“Why did you come for me? Didn’t you say you wouldn’t fight for me?” Her confidence wavered as he sighed, brushing his fingers along her cheek. Not only did he come for her, but he murdered men for her.

Blinking slow, half in a daze as a low-grade fever began to grip her too, she had no more strength to deny how beautiful he is or how disarming his charm is. He may never love her, but she could…she could love him. If she ever fell for him, she knew she’d never be able to unlove him. She wouldn’t want to and that…that felt oddly comforting. For once, she was too tired to listen to her mind that preferred to set the world on fire rather than care for him.

As her eyes closed and her face relaxed, he stayed awake. He didn’t understand it, but he embraced the warm feeling spreading in his chest as she fell asleep.

“I’d burn this world for you.”

=============================

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PART 7

[ootahime]

what is utahime’s role in the future? — a prediction (manga spoilers)

part 1 (unedited)

I WAS ABOUT TO POST IT BUT I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED IT AND I WAS SO HURT FR!!!!! I HAD REWRITE THIS ENTIRE THING </33

part 2 is here!

in this post, i will be analyzing the information we’ve been given about utahime so far to form a prediction about her future role in the jujutsu kaisen series. if you’re as interested in utahime’s character as i am, please feel free to keep reading :3 (i’ll also be talking about her relationship with gojo a bit too)

soukatsu_ on twt!

kaikaikitan on twt!

utahime iori is a semi-grade 1 sorcerer working as a student supervisor/teacher at kyoto jujutsu high school. she loves drinking beer and going to karaoke. she’s also close friends with shoko and she’s not particularly fond of gojo most of the time. what else do we know about her?

hates sweets (funny she’s the complete opposite of gojo)

she’s great at singing and it’s a huge part of her technique

squabbling with gojo became a reflex :3

everyone absolutely adores utahime

loves watching soccer and baseball

a terrible drunk (worse than naobito zenin)

gojo is her main source of stress

let’s dive into her personality and abilities!

chapter 65

before i get into it, i think it’d be best if i were to explain the timeline because a lot of people seem to be confused about this one particular thing. utahime is born on february 18th, 1987. contrary to popular belief, she is not 3 years older than gojo. it is november 2018 in the story because gojo was sealed on halloween. if gojo was born on december 7th, 1989, that would mean that right now, he is only 28 years old. he has yet to turn 29.

the year is 2007. gojo satoru is a second year at tokyo jujutsu high school. the japanese school year begins in april which suggests that gojo is only 17 at the time (even if it’s not april, it doesn’t look like winter yet so it’s unlikely that he’s already 18). utahime is 20 because it is past february. she is a 2nd grade sorcerer at the age of 20. that’s not bad at all!

chapter 65 introduces young utahime and mei on a mission together within a cursed site. in real time, they’ve been gone for two days which is a cause of concern for gojo, shoko, and geto because the two haven’t contacted anyone since the beginning of their mission.  the two begin to suspect something is wrong because the hallway markers they’ve set in place disappeared, and no matter how far they travel within the halls, the end is nowhere in sight.  mei theorizes that the cursed spirit is overlapping the space as they travel forward.  utahime agrees with this speculation and proposes a plan to escape the cursed spirit’s grasp by moving erratically.  notice how she says that if one of them should escape, they can try to attack from the outside or call for help.  if utahime was not capable of inflicting damage on anything then she would have told mei to escape and attack if she can while she waited to be rescued.  however, she didn’t.  she included herself in the sentence which leads me to believe that she is capable of going on the offense if needed.  

keep in mind that at this point in time, mei is a grade 1 sorcerer.  she is knowledgeable about all things involving jujutsu because she is experienced and skillful.  we can see this aspect of her character illustrated when she theorizes that the cursed spirit is messing with the space they’re in.  she chooses to go with utahime’s plan because she agrees that it’s the best action moving forward.  this verifies that utahime is an intelligent girl that’s able to get along with pretty much anyone.  

her intellect is demonstrated once again in chapter 79.  she was able to deduce the possibility of there being more than one traitor and the fact that one is probably a higher up.  she also narrowed down the mechamaru as the mole of kyoto not because he was acting suspicious but by process of elimination.  she thought thoroughly of his technique and how easy it would be for him to manipulate devices small enough to be undetectable.  

sure you can argue that she should already know all her students’ abilities and whatnot but you have to admit that it’s hard trying to sniff out the traitor when no one is acting suspicious.  in addition to that, how did she know that there was a traitor in the top brass?  i would have never guessed that tbh LOL (maybe bc im an idiot).

okay, now that we have established that she’s intelligent, let’s answer a more important question.  is utahime weak?

chapter 33

if gojo calls utahime weak, does that mean there is some truth to it?  well it is true that she is weaker than him because he’s the strongest and all.  in my opinion, he’s just teasing her.  he probably found that calling her weak is what really riles her up.  maybe i’ll talk about why he loves teasing her so much in a later post.  but anyway, gojo calls everybody and their mom weak.  he even said jogo was weak and we know how powerful that guy is.  gojo’s words alone do not indicate much about utahime’s power.  in fact, i don’t even think he has seen her use her technique yet.  he’s probably only ever heard of how it works.  this is what i think their conversation about her technique was like:

gojo: hm?  ur cursed technique is singing?  can u show me?

utahime: what!  no way!  

gojo: why not?

*one of the classmates tells him that she can only use her CT once in a while because it consumes a lot of energy*

gojo: hahaha!  u have to conserve cursed energy to use ur CT?  why are u so weak, utahime?

utahime: i!  am!  your!  senpai!  respect!  me!

what i’m trying to say is that gojo loves poking fun of people.  we should not believe him when he calls someone weak because compared to him, everyone is weak.  

this is a little off topic but let’s examine him telling her, “and you don’t have the nerves, utahime.”  i think he’s trying to say that there’s no way she’ll ever do something like that because she’s not the type to put her students in danger.  remember the soft expression and relieved smile on her lips when she said that she was glad the students were safe after the kyoto incident?  gojo was directly in front of her so not only did he hear her say that, but he could have seen the look on her face too.  even if he told her that she didn’t have the guts to betray the school to get on her nerves, he knew that utahime simply cared too much about the students so he ruled her out as a suspect right away.  this is why he ultimately decided to confide in her and ask her to help him.  

i’m a person who loves over-analyzing things.  i really enjoy the dynamic between gojo and utahime.  they’ve known each other for more than 11 years and although they always bicker, there is an unspoken feeling of trust between the two.  gojo can do anything and everything by himself because he is truly the strongest person alive, but he still knows when to rely on others.  him deciding to entrust utahime with such a job implies that he believes in utahime’s abilities.

chapter 52

she’s not using any cursed energy here--not to our knowledge at least.  this is just pure skill.  she was able to swiftly evade the swing from haruta.  he was surprised himself considering the fact that he was right behind her.  how do we know her CT isn’t speed?  after haruta swung at her, we can see that some of her hair got cut off.  if she was using her CT then speed should be her specialty.  she should have been able to completely avoid the attack altogether but she didn’t.  of course this isn’t a wow moment because jujutsu sorcerers should know how to dodge attacks, however, i’m just trying to get the point across that she’s not a defenseless person without her technique or others.  let’s not forget that semi-grade 1 isn’t a weak rank either.  you can’t simply be recommended to be a grade 1 sorcerer if you only can support others.  

chapter 48

i want to bring up this panel. it suggests that utahime and takuma are sorcerers who have not experienced black flash and therefore, do not understand the essence of cursed energy as well as those who have like gojo and nanami.  i find it strange how takuma and utahime were used to represent sorcerers who haven’t experienced it yet.  is the purpose to demonstrate that there is a clear difference in skill between adult sorcerers like utahime and takuma compared to gojo and nanami?  i could be nitpicking but the order of todo’s statement doesn’t line up with the sorcerers being shown.  let me explain in depth.  todo starts off by saying, “for those who have experienced black flash as compared to those who have not...” wouldn’t it make more sense to show gojo and nanami on the right side to represent sorcerers who have experienced black flash?  that was mentioned first, after all.  gojo and nanami should appear when todo says “for those who have experience black flash” while utahime and takuma should be shown right after to personify the second part, “as compared to those who have not.”  i’m just making it more complicated than it actually is LOLOL i’m sure it really just means they haven’t experienced black flash yet, which is completely fine.  i also find it fascinating how they used utahime to contrast gojo.  with nanami and takuma it makes sense.  nanami is someone takuma looks up to, he wants to gain nanami’s approval before he deems himself worthy of a promotion. what about utahime and gojo?  what’s the purpose of comparing those two together when it’s obvious that gojo knows more about the essence of cursed energy more than anyone else?  i might be delusional whoops

----

let me know what you guys think?  this is only a part 1 so i haven’t gotten around to answering the question.  i’m pretty much done with the second part, i just need to revise it a little.  i think after i post part 2, i’ll try to interpret all the gojo and utahime moments in the manga >.<

[cosmicjoke]

So I just got through chapter’s 51 and 52 of Attack on Titan, and one thing that stuck out to me in 51, other than Levi’s obvious, deep anger with Erwin, which I’ll talk about in a minute, was how Levi made it a point to tell Connie that he’d done a good job after coming back with Hange from investigating his village.  Once again we see here Levi’s immense compassion for other people.  Nobody else really thought to give Connie that encouragement, despite his obvious distress in that moment.  They all were aware that Connie had lost everyone in his village, including his family, so it really demonstrates Levi’s thoughtfulness, once again, for other people and what they’re going through, that he takes the time to say just a few, kind words to Connie here.  

Then of course, there’s the big exchange in this chapter between Levi and Erwin, and there’s so much going on here.  But the first thing I noticed is the shift in Levi’s attitude, after he notices Erwin smiling upon hearing Hange’s theory about the Titan’s being humans.  At the beginning of this scene, Levi is showing Erwin a great deal of concern for his physical state, apologizing to him for him and Pixis showing up to talk, knowing how tired he must still be, saying to Erwin that he’ll understand if he would rather him and Pixis just come back later so he can keep sleeping.  Levi is giving Erwin the option here to deal with all of these new developments that they’re all dealing with later, and that offers a really insightful glimpse into the kind of respect and consideration Levi has for Erwin leading up to this point in the story.

What’s really interesting is the shift in Levi’s attitude here, after he sees Erwin smiling.  Levi starts to try and ask Erwin a question, after Hange’s revelations about the Titans, and he sees Erwin smiling to himself with a glazed, distant look in his eyes, and Levi’s horror is readily apparent.  He figures out almost immediately that Erwin is excited by this news, and Levi’s reaction is one of repulsion.  He even tells Erwin that he’s going to make him sick.  I think Levi’s reaction here is also partly fueled by his own feelings of deep dismay and horror at learning that all this time, he’s been killing other human beings.  So to see Erwin seemingly HAPPY about this revelation must seem particularly grotesque to Levi in that moment, while he’s dealing with his own feelings of guilt and despair and hopelessness.  Levi’s anger here is REALLY obvious, as he asks Erwin if this is the real reason he joined the Survey Corps.  We see Levi’s belief in Erwin starting to erode here, in real time.  Part of Levi’s anger, I think, must also stem from knowing that he’s put his faith entirely in Erwin, followed him with full belief in Erwin’s altruistic intentions, but now he has to face the possibility that his faith has been misplaced, that indeed the very REASON he joined the Corps to begin with, his faith in Erwin and his greater vision, may have been built on a lie.  This coming on the heels of realizing that Titans were actually humans, and he’s dedicated himself to killing them for years.  All of this leads you to really understand Levi’s controlled fury at Erwin in this scene.  When Erwin gets annoyed himself at Levi and tells him to lay off of him, and asks him to show him some pity, Levi says with obvious derision that, yeah, Erwin IS pitiful.  We see later in the scene Levi turn Erwin’s own words back on him, about him being mentally and physically exhausted, almost mocking Erwin with them as he reveals to him that he’s chosen to make the 104th his new squad and had Eren and Historia moved to an isolated location.  Levi’s anger here is really palpable, and it demonstrates the tension I think Levi’s probably always had with Erwin and their relationship.

Levi respects Erwin immensely, and I have no doubt he’d been ready to tell Erwin about his plans for the 104th with a lot more cordiality and willingness to involve him in that decision before Erwin’s motivations became revealed to him here.  But there’s always been that kind of conflict between them too, where Levi was willing to put his faith totally in Erwin’s vision, and in his ability to make the right choices, in order to advance the cause of humanity, but at the same time, felt deeply uncomfortable at times with Erwin’s methods towards achieving that goal, his willingness to sacrifice the lives of so many to that end, often resulting in the deaths of soldiers with no, substantial gain to be had.  He’s deeply aware of Erwin’s ruthlessness in getting the job done (we see that awareness later in chapter 52, when he asks Hange if they should run or kill their enemies before they can strike, and says it’s just like something Erwin would do when Hange says both).  It was Levi’s faith in Erwin, though, and his belief in Erwin’s purity and the righteousness of his cause, that allowed Levi to put his misgivings about Erwin’s methods aside, because he fully believed Erwin’s intentions were only to benefit humanity, and win them back their freedom someday.  So seeing Erwin smiling here, and having that faith in Erwin’s intentions thrown into question, alongside the awful revelation that Titan’s are actually humans, is obviously a pretty devastating blow to Levi’s own sense of balance and place, throwing into doubt what it is he’s been fighting for all this time, whether it was even real or not.  It’s like in one, fell swoop, Levi’s lost any amount of certainty in both what they’ve all been fighting for this whole time, and in the person he had put the most faith and trust in to guide them in the right direction.  I’m not sure how people could miss Levi’s anger towards Erwin here, or the reasons for it.  Levi is shown something in Erwin that makes him seriously doubt whether Erwin actually cares about humanity at all, or people at all.  Erwin appears happy that it turned out that Titan’s were humans, and Levi has no context, no way of knowing WHY Erwin would be happy about that.  He doesn’t know about his father, or the things his father told him, or how his father died.  So to Levi, it must just seem like Erwin is getting some sort of sick joy out of the revelation.  Again, to see something like that in the person you believed in the most, a person you admired deeply and thought of as superior to you, as holding a greater vision than you ever could, would be really, really hard.  It’s like Levi’s hero letting him down in the worst way possible.  

I think this should also be looked at in the context of Levi’s own experiences in life, and how that shaped his world view.  Levi comes from an extremely hard, deprived background, one of extreme poverty and desperation and violence.  That background, that difficult childhood, resulted in a necessary cynicism and jadedness in Levi.  He knows the way the world works, knows how hard life is, and how cruel and ruthless people can be.  He grew up in a world where there was no pretense, no civility or politeness to hide behind.  He grew up in a world where it was kill or be killed.  We see this weary understanding of how things really are later, again, in chapter 52, when Levi is explaining to Hange and the rest that they have two options, because the MP’s and those they work for aren’t going to just give up on getting their hands on Eren and Historia.  He knows they’re only going to try more forcefully and violently to get what they want, because that’s the way the world works, and that’s the way people are.  He also shows his worldly understanding of these sorts of things when he asks Hange how many of Nick’s fingernails they pulled, and knows that Nick likely didn’t talk because they pulled more than one.  It tells us about Levi’s experience and how he’s been exposed to the darker, crueler side of humanity, more than anyone else in that room.

So Levi also understands that if they just wait around, they’ll all eventually be killed.  He understands they can’t be passive here, and have to act immediately.  He impresses that reality unto Hange, who’s still reeling from Nick’s death, and forces her to make a decision as to what their next move should be.  He doesn’t allow her to wallow in her despair, and he does this for the sake of Eren and Historia, and all of them.  Once again, we see Levi being most concerned for the greater good, ready to act however is needed to help the most people.  He knows Hange is hurting, but he knows also that none of them can afford to be, as he says to her, timid.  They have to move.  Well, anyway, my point that I’m trying to make is that Levi’s life experience has forced him to be cynical about other people’s motivations and characters, about concepts of nobility and morality.  To look at other people’s true intentions with a skeptical eye, because he grew up in a cut-throat environment, exposed to deep poverty, trauma and pain, where people no doubt would turn on you, or abandon you in a moment for nothing more than a scrap of bread.  With that in mind, you have to realize that Levi’s faith in Erwin is rather remarkable.  That he’s able to BELIEVE that deeply in another person, to believe in another person’s goodness, and purity of intention, given Levi’s background and the life he’s lived, is extraordinary, and really tells us so much about who Levi really is.  Despite every experience in his life informing him  that he should be skeptical and cynical and mistrustful of people and their intentions, despite his every experience telling him that the world is a cruel, ugly, awful place filled with loss, pain and grief, Levi still wants so much to believe in something better.  To believe in purity of hearts and intentions, to believe in a higher morality and goodness.  And despite all of his life experience telling him otherwise, Levi is able to believe that’s who Erwin is.  A person with a higher, better moral standing, a person with a pure and true heart.  He believes it all the way.  So, to then have that faith, which Levi somehow held onto against all odds and reason, dashed against the rocks in a single, terrible moment of realization, would be horrible.  Levi is someone who wants so much to believe there can be a better world, with better people in it.  And I think Erwin represented that possibility to Levi, for a long time.  And so to learn that his belief in Erwin was, perhaps, too idealistic, to have that skepticism that his life’s beaten into him affirmed, rather than rejected, must have felt like the worst kind of betrayal to Levi, and just a crushing disappointment.

Of course, Erwin later is able to prove to Levi that his faith in him wasn’t misplaced, as he lives up to the ideal Levi saw in him to begin with, with Levi’s help and encouragement.  But that’s a different post altogether!  When I get to that part of the manga, I’ll be positing about it as well.

Also, Hange’s own sense of horrible guilt and remorse in these chapters, both over realizing she’d been experimenting on human’s this whole time, and over Nick’s death, was an amazing parallel to Levi’s.  I think the two of them share so many similar feelings and such a similar depth of feeling over everything.  Always trying to do the right thing, and struggling so much with whether the choices they make are the right choices, or whether any of this is worth the sacrifices they’re forced to make.

[firelxdykatara]

Katara x Aang :3c

are you trying to get me in trouble

-cough-

no but in all honesty, my genuine feelings about kataang boil down to three major points: 1. it's boring, and does not jive thematically with either of their character arcs, to the point of, 2. actively hampering character development on both sides, and 3. katara deserved better.

points expanded under the cut. (please, if you're a kataang shipper and you see this, just keep scrolling. i've tagged it appropriately and put the bulk under a cut and at this point that's literally all i can do lmfao.)

send me a ship and get my (brutally) honest opinion!

1. It's Boring: This is the most subjective point on the list (I mean, in fairness, it's all subjective, but I have evidence from the show and post-canonical materials to support my other points; this one is just preference), but there's just... nothing to kataang. It's cute (when it's not actively aggravating), and... that's about it. It's not even that I dislike friends-to-lovers as a shipping trope (though it's not my overall preference), because there are a lot of friends-to-lovers couples that I do ship (kanej comes to mind, also will/elizabeth from potc, karolsen from supergirl, romione and hinny from hp, among others), but one thing that I think all of those couples have that kataang doesn't is that both sides of the pairing are teens or adults when they get together, with teen/adult dynamics and issues and stories to deal with, rather than one half being a teenager and the other being literally prepubescent.

And don't get me wrong, I have no problem with age gap ships in general. And as far as atla goes, Katara, at 14, has the same age difference from Zuko (16) as Aang has from her, and it's never stopped me--because both Katara and Zuko are well into puberty when they meet and I have no problem picturing them being into one another and growing together as they enter adulthood. Aang, on the other hand, is a child. And he acts like it. Which wouldn't be a problem, if the show weren't expecting me to believe he is a) ready for a romantic relationship, and b) ready for one specifically with Katara, who is not only older and far more mature but is specifically cast as his caretaker in a very maternal role for the entire show's run.

This show asks me to believe that a teenage girl well into adolescence is going to be attracted to and develop romantic feelings for a pre-adolescent child--and it asks me to believe this while showing us otherwise that Katara's type is actually older boys with fabulous hair and angsty pasts in all of her other potential romantic dalliances--and then enter into a relationship with him, all while ignoring the elephant in the room that is the fact that she was basically acting like his mother for the entire series to that point. (Something that is heavily lampshaded earlier in the very same season.) That just stretches the bounds of credulity way too far for me, especially when there's no evidence that Katara herself would get anything out of their romantic relationship.

There's nothing there for me to sink my teeth into. No delicious development, no parallels where they help each other grow, no internal conflicts that they have to work through together, nothing. Certainly no reason for me to actually believe Katara feels (or would grow to feel) anything for him other than the platonic affection of a caretaker. I can easily believe she loves him dearly, as a friend and quasi-little-brother, but I just can't see that developing naturally into romantic love--not the way it's presented in the show.

And even if they did manage to at least make the development of Katara's feelings believable, unless they changed something fundamental about the nature of their relationship, it'd still be boring, so.

2. It Actively Hampers Their Character Development--On Both Sides: I've written before (extensively lol im so sorry) about how kataang is actively detrimental to Katara and to Aang. In short (because ye gods this post is already getting long enough), Katara is narratively harmed by being shoved into a relationship that completely ignores her stated feelings--a relationship that had been presented as a one-sided puppylove crush for the vast majority of the series--and it inhibits her growth as a character in ways that become far more obvious in the comics and lok, where the very same creative forces that lead to her beginning a relationship with Aang in the first place reduce her to 'the Avatar's girl' and very little else, all the way through to the end of LoK (where she is a Healer and the Avatar's wife and, again, very little else).

As for Aang:

As to how this relationship is detrimental to Aang (other than the comics and LoK nonsense)? Just take a look at book 2, when he’s trying to learn Earthbending from Toph. Katara constantly coddles him. Much of the time, she’s afraid to be anything other than gentle and understanding with Aang--partly because of her fear that if she pushes him too far, he’ll run away. (Which he does, several times.) But sometimes, what Aang needs to grow is a sharp kick in the slats, which Toph was more than willing to provide--and which worked. Katara was great for teaching Aang to waterbend, but he needed more than that to grow as a person. And he can’t get that while he’s in a relationship with someone who will apologize for getting upset when he was very explicitly neglecting her.

In addition, it is pointed out by Guru Pathik at the end of Book 2 that one of Aang's chakras is blocked by his attachment to Katara. Aang takes this to mean (incorrectly) that he has to stop loving her in order to become fully realized as an Avatar, but this is actually part of the problem--because the issue isn't that he is in love with Katara, it's that he's possessively attached to her. He believes himself entitled to her love in return, rather than selflessly loving someone regardless of whether or not they return that affection. (This is obvious come the EIP episode, where Aang demands to know why he and Katara aren't in a relationship already--because he kissed her without asking [or even checking to see if she'd be ok with kissing him], which he phrases as mutual even though it very much was not, and he gets angry and violates her boundaries when she says that she is confused and doesn't want to think about it right then.)

It is his attachment to Katara--the need for her to return his love, the belief that she will and it is only a matter of time before he gets what he wants--that he was supposed to let go of, not his feelings for her in general. Unfortunately, while he pays lipservice to doing this (far too late for it to be useful--if he'd stayed with the Guru for five more minutes and unlocked his chakra there, that battle would've gone very differently), he almost immediately backtracks on that development come book 3, and there isn't another single whisper of Aang maybe growing up and moving past his one-sided and possessive crush and realizing that even if Katara doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't mean she loves him less or that their friendship is less important.

What really needed to happen, for Aang to grow as a person and become fully realized as an Avatar, was for him to grow up. To realize that his feelings were not of paramount importance, and that even if he was in love with Katara, he was not entitled to her love in return. He should have been able to move past his need for her to love him back, in order to get past that stumbling block, unlock his chakras, and regain the Avatar State in time to face the Firelord. But he didn't. As a result, they had to find some other way to just give him the Avatar State (a well-placed rock) and the means to defeat Ozai without killing him (the deus ex lionturtle) and his entire character arc just fell apart in the third act rather than reaching a satisfying conclusion.

3. Katara Deserved Better: This really ties into how her romantic relationship with Aang hampered her own development, but I'm still bitter enough about it that it gets its own bullet-point. And the biggest single reason I could never ship kataang--the thing that would've turned me off even if there were substance and a halfway decent storyline for them--is the fact that Aang kisses her without her consent (for the second time) in Ember Island Players, Katara gets angry at him and storms off, and then..... she walks out onto the balcony to make out with him.

With nothing to bridge that gap.

It's bad enough that a show aimed at children had a scene where the child protagonist kissed the object of his affections without her consent when she didn't want him to (made explicit by her angry reaction)--and this is absolutely an issue when the show is aimed at children and it may well be the first experience they've had with consent issues portrayed in media--but this moment is never addressed again. Katara just decides--completely off-screen--that she does love him Really and walks out to make out with him in the epilogue. There's no conversation, no apology for violating her boundaries, no discussion of why that was wrong or any indication that Aang understands what he did and why it upset her. They don't have a single one-on-one interaction between that kiss and the epilogue, and the only other time they are on screen together, Aang yells at her and storms off.

So, even leaving the comics and lok aside, Katara deserved much better from her own romantic plotline. In fact, she deserved to have one, rather than simply being the oblivious object of Aang's affections, given a couple moments where she blushes but otherwise remains completely ignorant of his feelings (she looks shocked and upset when he kisses her prior to the invasion, and then she completely forgets that even happened because she's confused as to what Aang is even talking about during EIP until he brings it up; that's not the behavior of a fourteen-year-old girl who was kissed by someone she was developing romantic feelings for), before the epilogue where it becomes clear that she figured all of that out off-screen and had feelings for him after all.

She's a main character, not a side-character written in solely to give one of the mains a love interest. She deserved a romantic plotline of her own. (She could have had one with someone else, with very few changes made to what was actually on-screen prior to the epilogue, but that's another conversation entirely.) She deserved to have her feelings considered at all important by the person she was going to be paired with in the end, rather than having him just assume she felt the same way and then get mad at her for never giving any indication of it when he'd never asked about her feelings to begin with. She deseserved agency in her own romantic narrative, and she just didn't get that with Aang.

So yeah, at the end of the day, my biggest issue with kataang is that it involved doing Katara dirty, and she's my favorite character and she deserved so much better damnit.

[prof-peach]

Hey Prof, I need your advice.

My sister recently decided she didn't wanted her bulbasaur anymore (she got him on a whim about a month ago) and gave him to me, he is quite violent and tends to attack when I try to get close to him.

Now, that wouldn't be a huge problem, but my Purrloin has gotten hurt trying to befriend him, she's quite outgoing and never really liked fighting (we enjoy contests so she knows a few more flashy attacks), so she couldn't even defend herself properly.

I don't want to give up on him and my local rescue center is filled with Bunearies (you know, after Easter kids don't want their Bunny anymore) so they can't take him in right now, any advice in how I can go about this situation?

Sounds to me like you have a tricky little dude on your hands. So you're not battle orientated which will make this harder, Bulbasaur in the wild are actually quite combat minded to defend their families and territory, and a lot of their herds consist of strict hierarchy based on power and skill, often led by older, fully evolved members of their group. 

Before you take any actions to befriend them, its worth noting that any pokemon who comes into your care showing aggression is usually doing so for one or two reasons that are pretty universal for any species. Fear being the main issue with pokemon who have been ditched, if a pokemon is unwell, if it feels exposed, if it is unsure of you or your home, your partners, it may lash out because it is afraid. Even what looks like pure anger can stem from a fear. Of course some individuals are just full of rage, its not unheard of, but for the most part it comes from somewhere else. 

For a moment, take the time to put yourself in this pokemons shoes. It was chosen, with hopes and ambitions of its own, by your sister, a stranger to them, and for whatever reason they were cast aside. This reason may be unclear to the pokemon, it may be unfair, unkind, or even without malice just out of pure indifference. No matter the reason, this pokemon has been left behind by a trainer it at one point probably wanted to try to get along with. I don’t know what your sister may or may not have done, or provided for the bulbasaur, but it will help you understand how its feeling, if you were to ask her about their relationship prior to you receiving the pokemon. If it has always been aggressive and angry, i’d seriously consider talking to it about release, not rehome. 

We humans have a preconceived notion that pokemon are pets and things to keep with us. This may be true for some sure, but not every pokemon wishes to be a captive to a human, they may want more for themselves, and wish for a free life with their own kind. We cannot put our wants and desires above that of the pokemons, so you two need to have a talk, at a respectful distance for safeties sake, to see what the Bulbasaur feels they may want. These are herd pokemon, born and bred to be with their own kind, if not a larger group, if its lonely, if it wants to go home, to start a family, or simply to not be held in a ball as some creature to be owned, then you as its current carer must give it what you can. You can always find another pokemon who wants to be your partner, but you cannot give back lost years to a pokemon who has lived a life its unhappy with. Treat them with respect, and be open and honest. At the end of the day we have a chance to help pokemon, and forcing what we want onto them is a hinderance, and will lead to them feeling unsatisfied and bitter in the long run. 

Some pokemon lash out due to the process of being handed off to someone else, trust is earnt, not always just simply given to whoever holds the pokeball. Remember this as you move forward, and try to keep your other pokemon away from them, Bulbasaur are territorial species, and have to accept pokemon into their families before simply allowing them to come and go freely into their personal space. Despite their grouchy natures at times they usually do have a morally positive compass, and defend with ferocity when they love something. Perhaps in you showing genuine concern for their welfare and future, offering them not what you want, but instead what they want, they may give you a chance to get closer, but take baby steps, and try to be their friend above all else. I bet they're feeling pretty lonely right now. 

Its worth sharing interests with the pokemon, talk about contests, see if they're interested, some pokemon have a predisposition for this, others have no interest and prefer more battle based lives, or even peaceful non-competitive existences. no amount of pressure will change a pokemon’s nature, and some just aren't cut out for the fine art of showmanship that contests require. You can however use powerful attacks in showy ways, so theres always hope that they could enjoy it, if you can work with them to their strengths. 

If possible, work to getting them outdoors, cooping grass types up can lead to stroppy, testing personalities, many thrive in the outdoors, he may need some serious outside time to compensate for the lack of exercise and natural stimulation they may have not been getting prior to your ownership. There are plenty of areas in public that are much like tennis courts, areas of space you can book for a set amount of time too exercise difficult pokemon, these locations are often secure facilities, both outdoors and indoors, to suit a range of species. find one that has outdoor facilities and book a few hours per week to go there, increasing the time whenever possible. This exercise and time with you may help to find common ground, and topics that you and the bulbasaur can bond over. This can be anything from battles, to sun bathing, playing sports, games, swimming, running or digging, and everything in between. Bulbasaur naturally are great foragers and tend to like to snaffle about in long grass and shrubland, hiding treats like berry slices in a secure environment is good enrichment and can tire the pokemon out. a tired pokemon is usually a little less aggressive, having lower energy levels and less want to expend attacks. this process also associated you with something fun, and your scent will be on the treats too, so they'll know you were the one to provide this activity for them.   

I’d also take plenty of time to observe the bulbasaur, as your sister got them on a whim, they probably had no prior knowledge of the species, or how to correctly care for them. In a month, a health complaint could have begun to show, so observe their colouration, feet, walking gait, sleeping patterns, feeding habits, and general behaviour. Excess scratching, heavy breathing, or unusual shaking or moving can suggest a health condition is starting to take form. Most can be helped if caught early, but some illnesses give the pokemon discomfort, and can lead to snappy tempers and irritability. It could be that this individual is in pain, or finding life difficult due to its health, which can cause a lot of hostility as i’m sure anyone would agree. It can suck to be sick!

This species can be won over if you can prove you have a skill of worth to them. This is the case with a lot of pokemon, having respect for something they cannot do, and learning that they need things from you can lead to them at least tolerating us humans. Its a foot in the door. A trick i like t use with particularly difficult bulbasaur is to give them their fav food, whatever it is, then put it in a clear container the pokemon cannot open. They have no thumbs, and their vines though dexterous, aren't able to open every kind of container. The pokemon will want whats inside, and be unable to access it. they will eventually give up out of frustration. this is where you come in. enter the space, don’t let your pokemon approach as this can be threatening, and open the container. leave it on the floor open, making sure they've watched you get the thing open. They can then approach and enjoy their fav food, all thanks to you and those wondrous thumbs you have. repeating this process yields good results, and starts a mutual relationship of tolerance and acceptance between you and a bulbasaur. Most will accept they want the food more than they want you gone, and you provide something they can’t get to. whatever you do, don’t let them see that you were the one to lock the food up in the container. Get a friend to do it, or do it in the room, and leave it in place on the floor, before allowing the bulbasaur to enter and investigate the item. If they see you're the one doing it, the trick is foiled, and your back to square one. Eventually this does tend to lead to the pokemon becoming less stressed with you around them, and eventually it leads to trust, and even friendship. This trick is good to use to get them use to you, once they're ok with you being around them because of your use to them, they may start to take food from you directly, engage in play, or even just sit and tolerate company for short periods of time. Do not expect this to be quick, but it does usually do the trick. 

Regardless, i do have concern that the pokemon may want to be with its own, should you discuss this and find they're not interested in being housebound and a pet, feel free to send them our way, we had exactly this situation in mind when setting up the islands facilities, and have extensive locations designed with grass pokemosn needs at the forefront. Theres a small herd of about 12 bulbasaur evolutions that live north of our labs, no people see them, they are happy as a unit, and are left alone to go about their lives, with the only interactions between humans being us giving them their yearly health check, or should we spot them with an issue, we may intervene. They live away from others and pretty much free, in a poacher safe environment. Its not ideal, we like to keep pokemon in areas they come from, with people who love them, and you show great concern for the pokemon so it would be a shame to have to let them go, BUT sometimes thats just life, and theres nothing to be done about it other than accepting that the pokemons wants come first. They may just be mistrusting so try everything else first, and see how you go. hopefully you’ll yield some results from this all. Good luck out there trainer. 

[flooffybits]

Important

Idol: Wong Kahei (Loona)

marshmallow: Since there's still no Vivi scenario 👀 how bout a fluff one where during idol room the host (d*ni and c*ni) were joking around saying that the 13th member is the ugliest and dumb and didn't have her any chance of answering when they play a guessing game. Basically treating her badly then the others. So after the show Vivi notice she's been feeling down for a couple of weeks and not really acting like how she use to so Vivi comforts her with other members🥺💜

A/n: finally my first Vivi request, done. also i hate d and c for various reasons that i cannot discuss or else i just might not write anymore

☕buy me a coffee☕

You were used to hate comments thrown your way.

You were used to fans comparing you to the other members.

You were used to people still questioning why you were added in the Loona lineup.

They’ve stopped bothering you after a while, your members making sure that you didn’t believe the things other people said and assured you that you were just as important to the group as any of them,

However, you were not used to being publicly humiliated, and on live television, no less. So when Coni had made the careless comment about how you may not even give your team a chance at winning, you that was already enough to knock your excitement down, given that you had been looking forward to spending time with your members during your visit to Idol Room.

“Y/n.” Doni had called for your attention and you look up, blinking by the suddenness as he addressed you. “What are you in charge of?” He questioned and you felt a little bit more relieved with the question. “Well, all the members are good at everything. So we just sometimes switch on who takes the lead.” You explain and he nodded his head.

“So that means you stay at the back?” He joked, the two hosts soon cracking and you smile awkwardly with all the cameras rolling whilst your members looked a little surprised by the comment. “With so many members, I feel bad that you’re always overshadowed by their beauty and talents.” Coni then added and that had caused you to press your lips together in a thin line whilst Sooyoung looked a bit offended with what he was insinuating.

But you didn’t want to cause a scene, so you went along with it and chuckled lightly. “I guess so. My members are all really pretty and talented.” You miss the way Haseul glances at you, worry in her eyes, and Hyejoo silently glaring at the two hosts.

“Don’t worry. I’m sure a bit more practice and then you can reach your members’ level. Plus, you still have a lot to learn, your Korean is still barely understandable.” That had caused you to bite the inside of your cheek, deflating as they had addressed one of your worries when you first came to Korea.

It was no secret that you were insecure about yourself, especially with your communication skills, but the way the pair had blatantly called you out for it had only boosted that insecurity.

Your members couldn’t speak up, knowing that it wasn’t a good idea to make a scene, but luckily Hyunjin had been subtle with her attack, her face blank as she watched the two hosts.

“Y/n’s pronunciations are actually really good. She works really hard just so she makes sure that it’s easy for both her and the people she talks to.” Doni nodded his head in agreement. “Diligence is one of an idol’s key traits. Have more of it.”

They weren’t expecting the rebuttal, but Heejin had visibly grown uncomfortable and Yeojin shuffled closer to you when they were starting to realize how you were becoming more and more the target of the duo’s harshness.

Chaewon’s brows raised at the audacity they had to publicly shame you, but held her mouth shut when Jinsoul placed a hand on the small of her back.

They tolerated the rest of the show for the sake of the group’s image, but every comment thrown your way made them all increasingly upset, though you’re good with keeping up a façade just to keep the peace within the room for your members.

The pair made you feel more and more isolated as the show progressed. And while you did your best to participate, they seemed to make it a point that they weren’t at all interested in you being there. Throughout the whole segment, you could stay on your seat and watched as your members slowly began to be immersed in the games they had prepared.

Eventually, you had stopped trying and merely smiled, opting to be the spectator the hosts expected you to be, and merely clapped and congratulated your members when they had gotten an answer right.

In the end, you were just thankful that they had forgotten about you. It was better than being degraded and being the butt of the joke.

But as you left the set that day, you couldn’t say that you had the same level of energy compared to when you had arrived.

And no one could really blame you.

Right as the episode had aired, you made it a point to stay off of social media and threw yourself into work despite not really having to do so. The girls wondered and worried with you constantly heading to the company to practice, but no one seemed to have the capability of bringing it up or calling you out, not when you looked you were just about ready to fall apart at any given second.

Kahei could only watch as the days passed, hoping that you could recover and bounce back because she hates seeing you so down. She’s used to seeing you running around the dorm, running away from Jiwoo’s affectionate assaults or trying to get Jungeun to lighten up whenever she started scolding someone.

In the end, Jungeun and Sooyoung calls for majority of their attention, both looking unpleased as the girls came into the living room, minus you, Heejin, and Jinsoul due to your schedules.

“We need to talk.” Sooyoung announces while she grabs her phone from the table. “Is this about the laundry again?” Hyejoo groans, not wanting another lecture after the last time her pillow exploded in it, but the two older girls shook their heads, and the girls could see that this was a more serious topic.

“It’s about Y/n.”

Kahei stiffens and her hands clutch at the pillow resting against her lap before Haseul placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “We know that she hasn’t been well.” Hyunjin muttered, frowning when she remembers how you’ve resorted to avoiding some of them now.

Jungeun taps on the blue bird icon before twitter popped up. She turns the device around to show the group what her and her fellow leader wanted to address.

ApologizeToY/n was under the trending topics and the sight of it made all the girls frown before they saw Orbits commenting about Coni and Doni’s clear and explicit mistreatment of you during the show and how uncomfortable you’ve been throughout it.

“This is everywhere and I doubt Y/n hasn’t seen it, either.” Chaewon sighed while slumping in her seat, arms crossed as she scuffed her slippers against the floor and Yerim pouted as she scanned through the tags.

“Can I just say how I hated how they treated her?” Hyejoo speaks up, and honestly, no one could blame her. They all felt the same thing, so it wasn’t something they could hold against her.

Kahei pulls her pillow close to her chest, her mind replaying the hesitant look on your face whenever you were all together. You didn’t have to tell her, but she could see the insecurity in your eyes every time she would see you looking at everyone.

It was as though you were silently comparing yourself to them.

“Is there something we can do?” Haseul asks, hoping for any suggestions that would help ease the situation, but no one can think of anything at that moment and Kahei looks up at the leader with her lips pressed together. “Would you mind if I talk to her first?”

The girls know that there was something that was going on between you and the eldest member. Though neither of you have confirmed anything, they knew that Kahei’s affections for you were on a far more different level compared to the way she would take care of the rest of the members.

So, without arguments, the girls agreed, whisking Jinsoul and Heejin away when the three of you arrive after a long day and Kahei thinks that it’s the best time as any, now that you were alone in your room with everyone preparing whatever it was they decided would help cheer you up.

“Y/n?”

The call of your name is enough to make you roll over on your side, spotting the older girl peeking inside your room with a small smile gracing her lips. She knows that you’re tired, but she doesn’t want to keep seeing you look so down.

“Unnie, what’s up?” You try to casually ask, sitting up in bed and indicating for her to come in, which she does without hesitation, quietly shutting the door behind her before she had walked over to your bed and took the space you made for her to sit next to you.

Her embrace is something you easily welcome, the tension leaving your body, even just for that moment when you lean against her. You let out a deep breath and she squeezes your shoulders before a kiss was placed atop your head.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” She whispers softly and you immediately frown at the implication. Of course the girls could pick up on your withering state. They made it their personal mission to look after you ever since you arrived.

“I know you won’t say anything first, so I’ll be the one to do it.” Kahei cuts you off from thinking further as she speaks. “What they told you back at the Idol Room, it’s not true, okay?”

She shifts so that she’s looking at your face, one hand cupping your jaw so that you can’t look at anything but her because she needs you to listen to her instead of your thoughts.

“You’re an amazing singer, Y/n. Frankly, you’re perfectly fine the way you are and I hate how you’re letting these two people who know nothing about you make you feel like you’re not worth being here when you are.” Her voice is firm as she speaks, making sure to get her message across because she knows that you’re often too stubborn to believe them when they compliment you.

“We’re young and our career is only just beginning, so there will always be room for improvement. Plus, we’re both not from Korea, so of course not everything will be as easy for us as it is for the others, but has that ever let you down before?”

She doesn’t let you answer when she continues, not once breaking eye contact. “Everyone is here to help us. We’re a team for a reason. While we won’t always excel, we’re always going to wait for each other because that’s what a team - what a family does. So please, stop thinking that you’re worth less than anyone here because you’re just as important.”

Her voice grows softer after each word when she ends her sentence and you’re incredibly calmed by it as she brushes her thumb gently against your cheek when her forehead lightly bumps against yours.

“You don’t know understand how much it hurts to see you like this and all I want to do is take that pain and doubt away.” She murmurs and you shut your eyes, basking in the warmth that she had so easily provided before feeling soft lips pressing against your forehead.

You both stay like that for a while, just cuddling on your bed with her fingers combing through your hair. She doesn’t probe you on how you’re feeling, but seeing that you weren’t frowning nor were your shoulders slumped made her feel that you were a little bit better compared to before.

It’s when her phone vibrates with a text from Haseul that Kahei looks away from you and her brows pinch together when she sees it.

Why would the leader have to text her when she was just outside?

everything’s ready!

Confused, Kahei forgot that the girls were all getting something ready for you in the living room. So with a quick okay, the older girl gives you a small nudge before she’s nodding to the door. “The girls are calling for us.”

You don’t say anything, but the confusion is clear on your face as Kahei takes your hand and leads you outside, a smile on her face when she intertwines her fingers with yours just as you spot the rest of your group huddled together and you can’t help cracking a smile at how comedic they all looked.

Sooyoung looked awkward as she offered you a smile, Jungeun standing next to her, looking as though she had just finished scolding the younger girls who were trying their best to keep the snacks on the table while, for some reason, their own favorites kept disappearing, only for Hyunjin to place them back.

Heejin was silently counting everything to make sure that they had enough, only to restart every time Hyunjin would put the stolen snacks away and ensuing the pair to start arguing whilst Yeojin finished another one of her bead rings and Haseul just shook her head as Jinsoul tried to bite back her laughter while telling Jiwoo to keep her voice down.

“What are you doing?” You ask, an amused lilt to your tone as you properly assessed your members while Kahei grins and shakes her head, mimicking your leader when everyone snaps their attention to the two of you.

“It’s movie night!” Yerim happily announces while she’s trying to keep the remote away from Hyejoo’s hands and the latter grumbles. “I want to pick the movie!” She exclaimed, but Chaewon plucked the remote from Yerim’s hands, an already opened snack in her other hand. “We should ask Y/n what she wants to watch.”

“But unnie!” The second youngest was already staring at you with her puppy eyes that she often uses on you when she wants you siding with her and you smile softly before pulling Kahei to join everyone else in the living room.

Haseul slips next to the older girl, smiling when she sees the look the other sends you as you accept the bead ring Yeojin offers whilst trying to control the other two maknaes.

“Things went well, I hope?” The leader questions and Kahei hums with a fond smile playing at her lips. “I guess so.” She replies, seeing that you were slowly reverting back to your cheerful self when Heejin and Jiwoo join in on the pile you’ve all ended up in when Hyejoo tried stealing the remote again.

There’s laughter echoing in the dorm, add Jungeun’s slight screeching and Sooyoung’s scolding, but Haseul bumps her shoulders with Kahei while everyone is busy doing their own thing and finally picking a movie to watch. “So, have you both properly talked about it or...?”

Kahei stares at you when Jiwoo and Jinsoul begin to press kisses on your face, Yeojin coming in right after, and she smiles a little to herself. “Not yet, but we’re getting there.”

And honestly, that was enough for her as she soon took the spot next to you once given the chance and her arm loops with yours before she’s laying her head on your shoulder.

[bring-it-all-down]

I think it’s easy to think of Vane’s season one arc as being out of place with the rest of his time on the show, but I’d like to offer an alternative understanding. I think that Vane’s arc is an extremely cohesive examination of Hobbes’s social contract theory that begins with its acceptance and ends with its complete rejection. This is a rather lengthy analysis, but it’s one that people might find interesting if not compelling.

Hobbes’s Social Contract Theory

Central to Hobbes’s conception of political life are four terms: liberty, equality, fear, and power. Liberty for Hobbes is “the absence of external impediments” such as water being enclosed by riverbanks or humans being chained to something (xiv). This conception of liberty is purely physical, detailing a relationship between concrete things. Next, Hobbes understands equality as being the equal ability of one to kill another; there is no natural inequality among human beings as anyone has the power to kill any other person, either through strength of body or of mind, or of some combination of the two. Because everybody has equal power over everyone else’s life and one’s ability to be free, Hobbes states, “they are in that condition which is called war; and such a war as is of every man against every man” (XIII). This condition necessarily leads to “continual fear, and danger of violent death” (xiii).  

Finally, Hobbes defines power as the ability to acquire some future good. This conception of power stems from the fact that there is no private property in Hobbes’s state of nature: “It is consequent also to the same condition that there be no propriety, no dominion, no mine and thine distinct; but only that to be every man’s that he can get, and for so long as he can keep it” (XIII). Power, according to Hobbes, manifests itself in two ways: natural or instrumental. Natural power is acquisition through using physical characteristics like strength and intelligence, whereas instrumental acquisition requires one to use one’s reputation, friends, good luck, etc. 

It is this fear of death and desire for acquisition that leads us to form political communities, which is our natural end; we are meant to live in communities. These communities form when their members “confer all their power and strength upon one man, or upon one assembly of men, that may reduce all their wills, by plurality of voices, unto one will” (xvii). This singular power, known as the Leviathan, is absolute; it cannot be transferred to another body (no separation of powers) or forfeited, and there is no power above it. The Leviathan enforces this power by tying its subjects through “fear of punishment to the performance of their covenants,” namely their covenant to live peacefully with one another (xvii). 

While the Leviathan’s power is absolute in theory, Hobbes does allow for its dissolution if it becomes too arbitrary or capricious on the ground that it would then plunge a civil society back into the state of nature, from which point they would be allowed to choose a new sovereign. However, because the state of nature is so feared, people are highly unlikely to dissolve the Leviathan’s power. This, then, is how authoritarian states justify their power.

In this account of the social contract theory of government, we see the relationship among liberty, equality, fear, and power. In order for people to fully exercise their liberty and power, their fear must be redirected from one another toward a singular entity. This creation of an unequal civil society is what allows for the development of private property, as well as concepts like justice and morality, which are absent in the state of nature due to the lack of agreed upon definitions. 

Vane’s Season 1 Arc

Initially, Vane appears to embrace a Hobbesian conception of the state of nature. His season 1 arc, I believe, is his embrace of Hobbes’s state of nature through the confrontation of the two people who hold power over him: Eleanor and his enslaver. After Eleanor gets him deposed as captain of the Ranger, he tells Idelle, “No captain on this island's ever known that kind of power. Power that doesn't care how many votes you can tally, who loves you, who hates you, who fears you...none of us have any right to hate her for it. She's strong and we're weak. That's the reality of things here. And no one down there is strong enough to change anything” (1.05). Here, Vane reduces things to power. Eleanor has the power to acquire private property and to cut off pirates from doing the same, and so people––including Vane––fear her. To them, she is a quasi-Leviathan figure. However, Nassau exists more as a state of nature than it does as a civil society, and so the possibility of being her equal remains.

While Eleanor threatens Vane’s power, he doesn’t fear her in the same way he fears his enslaver, Albinus, who threatens his life. This constant fear of Albinus manifests itself in Vane hallucinating Albinus’s presence in Nassau. This vision causes Vane to realize that if he is to become equal to Eleanor, he must first become equals with Albinus. He initially seeks to overtake Albinus through taking away his other slaves. He pitches Nassau to them as a place “where strong men live lives of pleasure, not labor, a place where you could be feared and respected once again” (1.07). For Vane, the pleasure comes through realizing one’s equality and thus one’s ability to instill fear rather than have fear instilled in them. As is typical in the state of nature, Vane’s relationship with Albinus ends first with Albinus believing he killed Vane and then with Vane actually killing Albinus. 

Vane’s conversation with Jack upon his return to Nassau cements his role as a Hobbesian figure. He tells Jack, “In some ways, Jack, it had to come to this, don't you think?...Me deciding if you live or die” (1.08). Over the course of the season, Vane has increasingly reduced relationships to the ability one has to kill the other and the fear such ability instills in people. Following a Hobbesian model, then, we would expect Vane to think the formation of civil society with a Leviathan figure to be good, but this is not where his season 2 and 3 arcs go.

Vane’s Season 2 Arc

Indeed, Vane quite explicitly rejects Hobbesian social contract theory. While Hobbes argues that humans are driven toward society in part because of a natural “desire of such things as are necessary to comfortable living” (xiii), Vane says to Flint, “‘Give us your submission, and we will give you the comfort you need.’ No, I can think of no measure of comfort worth that price” (3.08). For Vane, then, living in the “pre-political” Nassau is better than submitting to the power of the state. This is the case because no such “state of nature” exists; there will always be a state attempting to impose its authority on Nassau.

Vane’s separation from Hobbesian political thought, then, begins as a matter of practicality. He does not abandon fear of death as the starting point, but he expands his thought beyond himself. It is no longer simply his own fear of death that drives him, but the fear within his fellow pirates of that same death. After he learns that Charlestown has captured and will kill Flint he tells his and Flint’s crew that “Nassau is strongest when she’s feared. And if what promises to happen here tomorrow actually happens, a trophy made of one of her most notorious captains, she may never be feared again” (2.09). He reiterates this point to his quartermaster, who is concerned that his crew will kill Flint’s crew to steal the Man of War: “Tell them if this ship tries to run on a skeleton crew, they’re going to get chased, they’re going to get caught, and they’re going to get killed” (2.10). It is not fear of one another, then, that drives Vane toward a community but rather fear of the authority of the state. While he and Flint are equals, he realizes that neither is equal to the state, England, and if they remain as individuals, the state will kill them one by one.

Flint’s (and then Vane’s) trial stands as an example of a Hobbesian state; the lawmakers are the executors are the jury. All sovereign authority is placed in the hands of one body with no authority above it. When confronted with this example, Vane comes to conceptualize of community as the only means of instilling fear in the state; as the state is unified, so must be the pirates. 

In accord with Flint telling him “we remind them that they were right to be afraid,” he provides a refutation of Hobbesian sovereignty for the audience: “these men convinced you that they speak for you, that the power you’ve given them is used in your interests. That the prisoner before you is your enemy and they your friends. For those of you who live to see tomorrow... know that you had a choice to see the truth and you let yourselves be convinced otherwise” (2.10). He reminds them that they’ve granted the sovereign power on the basis of it working toward their collective good and can thus conceivably revoke said power. He then illustrates that the sovereign cannot fulfill its purpose of providing for their safety against the threat of pirates and therefore the covenant on which the sovereign’s authority is based is inherently faulty. He pokes metaphorical holes in Hobbes’s contract theory of government before he pokes literal holes in Charlestown with his canons.

Vane’s Season 3 Arc

Vane’s season 3 arc offers an alternative foundation for civil society than fear and desire for property: friendship. When Vane confronts Jack in the first episode of the season for lying to Vane about using slave labor to rebuild the fort when Vane stood up for Jack against Flint, Jack lays it out for Vane: “you and I had been through enough shit for you to know that I would do the same for you, that I have done the same for you, and would again without hesitation. I made a commitment to you, with you, to restore this place, to make it strong again...Please know that I meant no slight by it. No lack of respect or friendship. It's quite the opposite” (3.01). Vane is certainly right to be angry about enslaving people, but Jack is correct in reminding him that this new effort to free Nassau has as its basis friendship and mutual respect.

At this point, however, Vane does not yet understand what friendship entails. For that, he needs to confront his understanding of friendship, which he does through the return of Edward Teach to Nassau. The conception of friendship Vane learned from Teach is simply to let people live when you could have killed them. Teach did this for Vane when Vane betrayed him for Eleanor, and he did it for Jack after Jack lost the pearls in the ocean, and it was his offer to Eleanor after she betrayed him by freeing Abigail from him. 

When Teach offers to defend Nassau if afterwards Vane sails with him away from Nassau forever, he outlines what their relationship is: “I do not seek your partnership because I am too weak to defend myself. I don't seek it to protect my things or to increase profit...There is an instinct to leave behind something made in one's own image. Nature has denied me the ability, it would seem, but not the need” (3.03). This understanding of their relationship rejects the fundamental Hobbesian basis for such things––it’s not fear of death or desire for acquisition––and instead points toward a desire for a certain kind of immortality. However, this relationship still fundamentally falls within a Hobbesian conception of the family which is artificially constructed in civil society and which requires the children to obey and honor their fathers. Therefore, this, too, is a relationship not based on friendship.

It is Jack’s conversation with Vane before he leaves with Teach that offers Vane a different kind of friendship. Despite Woodes Rogers’ early arrival ruining their plans to defend Nassau and the target placed not only on Vane but on all pirates close to him, Jack refuses to leave with Vane. His refusal is predicated on the fact that he desires freedom: “Teach respects you...but me, I have no interest in living as a target of his….Nor would I be a ward of yours. I've made something for myself here. I'll make it again somehow, but I've come too far to go back” (3.04). Here, Jack presents friendship as a type of equality predicated on freedom. Friendship must be a choice rather than the obligation to repay a debt, and it must result in some type of good for the parties beyond the acquisition of material goods. Jack refuses to go with Vane because his desire to make something of himself is greater than his desire to live a subservient life.

Flint reiterates this notion of freedom to Vane when he comes to ask him to rejoin the effort to free Nassau from England. Vane tells him “my pledge to him began a long time before I ever knew your name. What I owe him…” (3.06). In response, Flint says this project is too important to be clouded by any of that: “Forget me, forget Teach, forget loyalty, compacts, honor, debts, all of it. The only question that matters is this. Who are you?” (3.06). While Hobbes defines liberty in relation to external impediments, both Jack and Flint understand it as something greater than that, something that points inward and moves beyond the desire for safety or the terms of contracts, be they written or otherwise.

After being presented with this understanding a second time, Vane finally accepts it as true. He leaves with Flint to join the revolution. He allows himself to be arrested in order to free Jack. He does all of this on the basis of this new understanding of friendship. When Jack asks why he came back to Nassau, Vane jokingly tells him, “got worried you two'd be lost without me,” but it’s more sincere than joke (3.08). He is committed fully to liberating Nassau not to return it to the days of Teach but to provide it as a counter to the social contract theory of civil society. His final speech before being hanged reveals this shift in his political thought:

These men who brought me here today do not fear me. They brought me here today because they fear you. Because they know that my voice, a voice that refuses to be enslaved, once lived in you. And may yet still. They brought me here today to show you death and use it to frighten you into ignoring that voice. But know this. We are many. They are few. To fear death is a choice. And they can't hang us all (3.09). 

He has gone from believing the fear of death to be the greatest fear, the motivator for all human action, to somebody choosing to let civilization kill him. He does this because he now knows there are things worse than death and things greater than physical freedom. He does this because he understands that he owes his fellow pirates the chance to obtain this freedom for themselves. He does this because he has come to recognize that friendship is the act of helping people better themselves.

Conclusion

Vane’s arc therefore acts as a critique of Hobbesian social contract theory. He demonstrates that the sovereign’s power is based on an illegitimate conception of human nature that emphasizes the desire to dominate others. But he also illustrates the fundamental problems with living in a pre-political community attempting to exist outside of the sovereign power. Through his arc, then, we are presented with the fact that a legitimate society based on true friendship in achieving the good of all is not only possible but is worth the sacrifice of one’s life.

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

sweet like the thunder on my tongue

pairing: willex

word count: 2786

tw for light swearing

It tumbles out of his mouth before he could even think about it: “But I don’t have any powers.”

Caleb smirks. “And who told you that?”

or, in which willie realizes his true strength.

taglist is in the reblogs, fic is under the cut!

—————

“Willie?”

The skater’s head pops up, cutting off the conversation he was having to look over at his boss.

“Can I see you for a moment? In my office?” Caleb gestures toward the stairwell.

Wordlessly, Willie follows him, only growing concerned when they walk right past the office and towards another room at the end of the hall which he’d never paid any mind to before. Was that door even there before? “Caleb, what’s going on?”

Caleb opened the door to the room and ushered him inside-- well, more shoved, but who is Willie to talk back to him right now-- while all Willie could do was look around and wait for Caleb to say something. The room was dark-- pitch black, actually, and he couldn’t see anything inside. He could now barely see his own hands, if not for the single hanging light above Caleb’s head as he stood in the hallway still, blocking the doorframe. With a wave of his fingers, Caleb pushed Willie down into some kind of, apparently, vantablack chair, metal clamps fastening around his wrists as soon as he reached the seat. Caleb leaned against the doorframe, seemingly inspecting his nails. “You’ve betrayed me, William.”

Willie steels himself, squeezing his eyelids shut, and replies, “I, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” His efforts to cover his tracks were pitiful, to be completely honest. He wasn’t sure how much energy he had left at that point; before he’d met the band— before he’d met Alex— he thought that the best thing about the afterlife was that he could do what he wanted for as long as he wanted, day in and day out, as long as he came back to the club to do the shows. But now, his entire perspective has been shaken up, and he’s honestly gotten sick of doing the same things every single day. Why should he go see the same sights he’s seen since 1983 when he could be screaming in a museum, or stealing an entire fucking bus, or anything that can actually make a connection between him and another person?

Except, now he can’t even do that anymore. His connections are gone. They all crossed over (except for Julie, who never saw him in the first place), and he was left to his own devices, again. Willie isn’t sure what else there is for him to do, and in all transparency, if he hasn’t figured out his unfinished business yet, he doubts he ever will. Caleb putting him out of his misery now would probably just save him a lot of trouble.

“Don’t be coy,” Caleb jabs at him, standing up straight. “After all I’ve done for you? I gave you a place to stay, food to eat, things to do, and this is how you repay me? You help my recruits escape?”

Willie sighs, the helplessness beginning to overwhelm him. “What does it matter, anyway? They’ve crossed over, you don’t have competition anymore, right?”

“William, the boys are still out there. And they’ve lost their stamps.” Willie freezes. They lost their stamps? Alex is alive— or, at least, as alive as he can be? “Regardless, I have never been worried about competition. Those boys have power, power that could rival my own. I can’t just have that out there in the world, where it could fall into the wrong hands, now, can I?” Caleb sneers, a sickenly sweet smirk on his face.

Furrowing his brows, Willie rushes out in reply, “They’re playing in a pop rock band, they’re practically harmless, what could they even—”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Caleb interrupts, his icy eyes boring into Willie’s own.

Willie shuts his mouth and swallows his nerves. And maybe his pride.

Caleb leans forward, his hands gripping the arms of the chair. “I can’t have anyone’s power rival my own. That would steal away my precious audience, my empire that I’ve built over the last hundred years. Every ghost in my club would otherwise be a threat to me, had they not signed away their powers when they sold me their souls. With their powers under my possession, I have full reign over any paranormal capabilities that this world could possibly hold.” He stands back up. “I’ve kept my enemies close, you could say.”

It tumbles out of his mouth before he could even think about it: “But I don’t have any powers.”

Caleb smirks. “And who told you that?”

Willie was looking right at him. He feels no need to answer, and even if he wanted to, his mouth is going dry and there’s a lump in his throat preventing him from doing anything other than remaining still.

“Don’t get your hopes up about the boys still being here, William,” Caleb says after a moment. “They won’t be when you get out.” He slams the door, leaving Willie in the room, with nothing but dark, dark, dark, alone.

***

“Alright, where’s our first stop?” Luke asks as Julie shrugs her backpack over her shoulder and takes a sip from her water bottle. She and the boys were walking down Sunset Boulevard, her with Airpods in so she could talk to the boys without getting odd looks from others. Julie was planning a sleepover with Flynn for the following night, and the boys jumped at the chance to help her run errands, since hanging out in the studio was getting a little boring.

“Can we stop for pizza? I know we can’t eat it, but at least I can smell it!” Reggie pleads, using his puppy dog eyes.

“Reg, that face only works on Luke and Alex. You can smell it tomorrow night when she’s over, yeah?” Julie jokes. “I was thinking—”

A dark, purple smoke appears in front of them, causing them to stumble and still themselves, the boys’ faces all paling once they realize who’s in front of them.

Caleb smiles, sickeningly sweet. “Hello, boys. And you must be Julie.”

***

He has powers.

Willie has powers, and he hadn’t known this entire fucking time.

This guy, who was supposed to be Willie’s mentor for the past, who knows, thirty-ish years now, who he had once looked up to, who had taken him in has his own, who had given him a way to keep track of time again, who somehow knew he had powers that he couldn’t manage on his own, did all of it for his own advantage. He used him to gain more power and control, while making Willie think he cared. Thirty fucking years.

Right now, he’s trapped in this room, yeah, but Willie feels more suffocated by the hurt and confusion surrounding him more than anything else. He can’t stand that Alex and the boys are probably out there right now, about to be destroyed by Caleb, because of him, again. He hates that nearly all of his afterlife has just been a giant fucking lie. And with these stupid new-but-not-really powers, he doesn’t even know where to start. So, he does what he knows best.

Willie screams.

He cries a bit too, but mostly he screams until his voice grows hoarse.

Ever since he passed away, he’s always loved the feeling that grows in his chest when he screams, knowing that he can just take up so much space without anyone (or at least, anyone important) hearing. It hurts sometimes, obviously, but really it just feels like lightning forming in his veins, sparking against his the walls of his skin, ready to burst through.

He doesn’t notice until he takes a gasp for air that this time, it actually has.

Willie gasps again, this time in shock. It’s a bright, brilliant green, wires of light darting across his fingertips and palms. He doesn’t know what to do with it.

Willie squeezes his eyes shut and makes two fists, willing the stinging of the lightning to go away by distracting himself with the stinging of his own fingernails. He realizes then that he’s created light, that he’s given himself a way out, so he reopens his hands and holds them out, looking for the door that Caleb had previously slammed. He spots it and moves to get up, almost forgetting about his arm braces. He curses under his breath, and begins to rack his brain for a way out of them, the green still dancing around his arms.

He screams again.

***

They’d been cornered into an alleyway, which was probably best for any bystander’s sanity, anyway, but it meant that they were trapped by Caleb. Again.

“What do you want with us?” Luke had asked when Caleb first appeared, walking in front of Julie with a guarding arm.

Caleb had sighed in reply, taking a step forward, “Oh, I’ve decided I don’t need you three anymore. You’re not of any use to me, not without your lifer by your side. Without a life source, you’re about as powerful as any other regular ghost. I just need her.”

Luke stood fully in front of Julie then, Reggie and Alex flanking him to protect her. “You will never get to her,” Alex had chimed in, ice in his tone.

“Bold statement from someone who still chooses to hide behind his friends.” Alex had looked down at his shoes in shame, face turning red. “Oh, don’t worry, we all know you’re not brave enough to take me on by yourself,” Caleb chuckled to himself. “Besides, you boys seem to have forgotten how powerful I am— or can we do without the reminder?” Caleb added, lifting his hand as a wisp of purple smoke curled around it.

Now, after putting up a decent fight, they stand against the building as dark purple webs tangle over them, effectively pinning them down. Julie strains against them as they burn into her skin, pointedly not looking at Caleb who is inches away. Caleb puts a finger to her chin, causing her to look into his eyes. Julie sucks on her teeth, willing herself not to cry any more than she already has. “Quite a shame that such talent, such heart has to go to waste,” Caleb says, before his hand begins to glow in a manner that Julie knows could only lead to her demise.

He’s interrupted, however, by a slew of car alarms going off. Caleb swivels his head to look over at the main road, now realizing that it’s… empty?

Almost moving to walk over, Caleb hesitates just enough for the webs’ strength to weaken, and the boys poof out of their hold. They immediately begin trying to pull the web of magic off of Julie, succeeding in doing so once they notice that Caleb’s attention is no longer on them. He’s in the road now, staring down the horizon line.

“He’s distracted now, let’s poof to the studio to buy some time,” Reggie says, but Luke quickly counters, “Julie can’t poof. We would have to go back down the road, anyway.”

While Luke and Reggie are trying to figure out what to do, Julie’s eyes stray over to Alex, who is now peering around the corner of the building, eyebrows furrowed. He suddenly runs over to the road, and Julie calls after him. The three run to catch up to Alex and stand in terror just a few feet behind Caleb, who is still seemingly frozen in place.

They feel it before they can see it.

The hair on their arms and the backs of their necks begin to stand on end, a quiet humming in the atmosphere causing an adrenaline rush kind of energy around them. The humming thrums into a pulse, concentrating around what Caleb must’ve been looking at; a sharp, sparking green light floating in the air down the road. It grows bigger and bigger, until a silhouette suddenly appears in its place, looking at the ground. “Hey, Caleb!”

Alex’s heart stops when he realizes who it is.

Willie looks up from the ground and begins to make his way over, thunderous step by thunderous step. His eyes shine fully in bright green, almost like the lightning inside of him was leaking out. He reaches forward and a beam of crackling light shoots forward, splitting and clasping itself around Caleb’s wrists in constraint. With rumbling intensity, Willie continues, “You lied to me. You’ve been lying to me my entire afterlife, pretending to care. Every time you stamped someone, you told me it was because they would be dangerous otherwise, that you were just ‘protecting the ghost world’, and then you turn and do it to my friends. You’ve hurt me, you’ve hurt the people I care about, and it doesn’t even matter to you. I don’t even want to know the number of other ghosts you’ve screwed over like you have us.” Willie heaves in a breath, his arm beginning to shake as Caleb tries to overpower him with his own powers. “I can’t let you do this anymore.”

Caleb grits through his teeth, “You don’t get much of a say, William, I own you.”

“Not anymore.” Willie screams again, causing the beam shooting out of his palm to reinforce itself, the sparks around Caleb’s wrists slowly crawling around his skin until it looked like his veins were filled with light. “You aren’t strong enough to beat me, William, I know you more than you know yourself. You can’t do this,” Caleb tries, but Willie just screams louder, drowning him out.

The screams nearly shake the air, causing Julie to lean on Luke for support, with Reggie resting a hand on her shoulder. Alex wants to reach out, to do something, but he knows there’s nothing he really can do to help. He knew Willie was one of a kind, it was obvious from every interaction they’d had up to that point, but he never expected him to be that powerful. It was terrifying, if he was being honest. And Alex didn’t want to be scared of him, especially while he was literally putting his life on the line for them, but it was almost as if Willie was losing control.

Wait.

A small, dwindling purple smoke emits from Caleb’s palms, encircling the cuffs on his wrists, and the green light inside of him dims. Willie is panting in between his screams, running out of energy. Inhaling sharply, Alex doesn’t think twice before bolting over to him, ignoring the protests from his friends.

Alex stands behind him and grips his hands onto Willie’s shoulders, focusing all of his energy into his fingertips, just like he had on that day in the museum. And, just like that day, he screams with Willie, hoping and praying to a god he no longer believes in that it helps, that it works.

It does.

The lightning bursts out at a rapid speed, nearly enveloping Caleb, almost as if it was tearing him apart, atom by atom. It grows brighter, and brighter, and brighter, until—

He’s gone. Small ashes lie in the spot where Caleb once stood, now dissipated into thin air.

Willie collapses to the ground in exhaustion and Alex grasps onto him, as if he’ll disappear himself if he lets go. After a brief moment, Willie takes a sharp breath, wincing in a burning, stinging type of pain, and lets out a breath of relief once it goes away. He knows exactly what that was, he could feel it; his soul was finally back in his body.

Willie looks down at his wrist. The familiar stamp from the Hollywood Ghost Club is still there, however it no longer has its signature purple sheen. It’s black and faded now, like a thirty-year-old tattoo he’s come to regret.

“Are you okay?” Alex asks, pulling away, his face the picture of worry. Willie notices then that Julie, Luke, and Reggie are knelt next to him, too, their own expressions almost as bad as Alex’s.

Willie smiles a sad smile. It’s a weak thing, but it’s genuine. “You’re still here.”

Recognition washes over Alex’s face, and he softly lifts his hand to Willie’s chin. “Of course I am. I told you, I’d follow you anywhere, yeah?”

Willie chuckles and ducks his head. “Yeah, well, somehow, you did.”

Alex lightly pulls on his chin so he can look him in the eye, a burning intensity present there that Willie hasn’t seen in, well, thirty years. “We can explain that later, okay? I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Willie does a small nod. “I will be.”

Alex pulls him back into a tight hug, and Willie sinks into his arms. He knows they’ll both ask questions later; all that matters right now is that they’re there, that they’ve got each other.

And now, they always will.

[paper-cuts-and-fresh-bruises]

So I held off posting anything because I really needed to compile my thoughts first and what I’ve concluded is um......AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH LOOK AT IT, LOOK AT THEM, IT’S HAPPENING, MY HEART, I SQUEALED WHEN I FIRST SAW IT, I’M SO GIDDY

This was literally me when I saw it:

Okay but for real, we love this. And with the twist at the end of 2x17, everything has been written immaculately and honestly I’m just so impressed with this show that they went that deep, they’ve really taken due care with the creation of the show in each and every detail. Just when I thought it couldn’t get better it did, and I’ll be honest I was getting worried when in regards to the Nace content slowing down but now I realise that not only was it deliberate but they were saving up for this (at least that’s how I see it).

Now one of the biggest questions on our minds as Nace shippers has obviously been as to whether or not this moment is going to be, as I’ll say, “real” but I’m gonna say that we shouldn’t worry either way as to whether this will be in Nancy’s mind or a real moment between her and Ace. Now, putting aside all complications for now in relation to Amanda and the as ever annoying Gil, as far as I see it it’s real either way; if this happens in Nancy’s mind then it means she’s finally all in on how she feels and it will be a real moment for herself, accepting what it is she feels for Ace, and if this is for real outside of her mind (which btw I would absolutely die of joy) then they’re both finally on the same page and they both take on the responsibility of navigating what they’ve been dancing around and what they feel goddammit. 

I’ve got so many theories of what might lead up to this scene that we’re gonna get, because make no mistake they will kiss and it will be epic, but that’s for me to obsess over, besides words can’t do it justice right now. As far as what I’d like to see for them when they enter a proper relationship together, and yes I say when because there are no if’s at this point, and not to mention they’re definitely endgame; like how they’ve been slow burn, I want things to be subtle, little moments, very gradual, maintaining they’re investigative duo thing, maybe even not really telling anybody they’re together, having little nods with them holding hands and other stuff like that, and if you thought personal space was a thing of the past before then you won’t even remember it when they’re a thing. Oh Oh and maybe even having reminiscing moments where they remember times from past sleuthing’s to investigate or something, looking at each other with an affectionate gaze in their eyes even just for a split second, maybe even a “that’s when I knew I liked you” moment, or Nancy actually cuts her hand this time and Ace fixes her up, little touches that linger. Oh dear, see just like that I’m spiralling but anyways, yeah you get the gist, the list goes on. Small ones before big ones, and maybe the the odd big moment between the little ones at times of importance, yada yada.

Also, don’t think for one moment that in 2x18 it’s going to be without scenes of Ace being in fear of Nancy’s life, as this image below shows:

And if we look closer:

See me with them hands, because there’s no way he’s holding her like that if he’s not a) scared as hell for her or b) got feelings for her. That’s not just a supportive set of hand placements, that’s a “don’t you dare take her” and “I can’t lose her” kind of set of hands placements, specifically full on affectionate hand holding and hand on arm placement. You could say I’m reaching but I’m really not, this pic could easily have had everyone holding her or close in some way, but they chose just to have Ace doing this? that’s PLANNED. Which means that whilst Nancy’s coming to terms with what Ace means to her, Ace is definitely doing the same. Ace will definitely have his moments, looking at Nancy and most likely coming to some serious terms about what he feels. Even though they’re not necessarily, and most likely not, going to be boyfriend and girlfriend at the start of season 3, it’s end up like that at least, I’m sure.

Also on a quick note I was looking at this promo pic:

Nancy’s wrist is straight up cut wide open, and from the lack of blood the Wraith must really be doing a number on her at this point if it weren’t already apparent from the otherwise zombie-fied appearance she’s got going on.

Also this:

I bet they’re looking at Nancy, and from what I can tell the room matches up with the one in the previous pic, I’m guessing whatever contraption that box with the vials and stuff on it is has something to do with it or something.

Anyways, to say I’m excited would be an understatement. As much as I don’t want the season to be over yet, we’re definitely getting a feast, and with season 3 being a given I think we can handle it. Aside from the rising of Nace, Nancy Drew has and continues to be the one to raise the bar with every aspect, certainly I will remain intrigued with how they’ll progress everything going forward with everyone. Also, it’s most likely that season 3 will come sooner rather than later, at the earliest from what I’ve read it’ll likely be towards the latter end of this year that it’ll premier and at the latest is early next year. I mean any wait is torturous, but under the circumstances I think we’ll manage. Also, Nancy Drew is being moved to Fridays for next season so put that in your diaries, we are not letting this show go.

That’s my 2 cents anyways, anything any of you guys wanna add please do. What I’ll say for now is I am LIVING for this show, can’t wait to see what’s next. Keep up the good work! (oh and to all the haters of Nace in particular, keep it coming because in case you hadn’t noticed we’re winning and it just makes sense, I don’t need to explain to you why they’re perfect together, anything I say that’s for me and the rest of us to enjoy, I’m not doing it for you)

[raleighcarrera]

sucker punch

foreign affairs | m!blaine hayes x mc (kennedy monroe)

blaine and kennedy take their hot tub party inside. an extended scene from chapter 11.

catch up: knockout (E) / on the ropes (T) / outpoint (T) / parry (E) / pulling punches (T) / ringside (T) / saved by the bell (T)

tagging: @pixeljazzy ; @zigtheeortega ; @pixelsandkink ; @writinghereandthere ; @choicesarehard ; @dakotawinchester ; @blainehellyes ; @thefirstcourtesan 

~3.2k words | E (18+)

“you know,” kennedy murmurs, shivering as blaine continues to press a slow, sucking trail of kisses across her bare shoulder, “as nice as this has been... i’m starting to get cold.”

“well, that won’t do,” blaine answers, without lifting his head, “guess i’ll have to heat things up.”

despite the fact that they’ve been in the hot tub for what’s probably going on too long, and she’s starting to prune, her hips wiggle excitedly under the water. after the attention blaine’s given her tonight, she can’t help but to perk up curiously, his words piquing her interest. “again?”

this time, blaine does look up at her, grinning crookedly. “if you want.” beneath the water, his fingertips walk up the inside of her thigh. “but if you really are cold, we can take this into the shower.”

she glances back into blaine’s room over her shoulder. “peter’s still out?”

blaine snorts, lowering his head back to the crook of her neck. “he made sure to tell me he’d be at the bar with dionne all night. he even said he’d knock very, very loudly before he came in. you know him -- subtle as a brick.”

“i don’t think that’s the saying,” she breathes, struggling desperately to hold on to the braincells rapidly leaving her while blaine bites at her collarbone. “it has to be, like -- as subtle as a brick through a window.”

“like i care.” his hands slide slowly over the curve of her hips, pulling her in closer. “you must not understand how long i’ve been waiting for this.”

“believe me,” kennedy sighs, lifting her hand to push her fingers through blaine’s hair so he’ll lift his head and look at her again, smiling sadly when he catches her eye, “i do.” 

he leans in to kiss her, then, so thoroughly that she forgets, for a moment, who and where they are. she forgets that they’re not just any two adults, away from their real lives for the weekend at a resort where no one will find them. she forgets that she should be downstairs, cozying up to her fake boyfriend. she forgets that the fantastical peace blaine’s created for her up in his suite is due to disappear at midnight, back into a pumpkin she isn’t allowed to interact with when there’s others around.

blaine’s hips push up against hers, rocking forward so forcefully water sloshes up out of the hot tub and onto the deck. “shower,” he murmurs again, “i need a little more room for what i wanna do to you.”

kennedy shivers, glancing around cautiously before stepping out of the water, yelping as soon as the freezing air hits her skin, her body breaking out in goosebumps. “jesus!”

she can hear blaine laugh from behind her, but only has a moment to pout before he’s wrapping his body around hers, blanketing himself over her back and snaking strong arms snugly around her waist. “i’ve got you. come on.”

they walk together awkwardly through the sliding glass door from the balcony, though she makes no move to shrug him off as they head inside, their clothes forgotten on the deck. her eyes scan blaine’s room while he leads her to the bathroom, and when he finally lets her go so he can fiddle with the knobs in the shower, she plants her hands on her hips and asks, “how come you and peter got such a nice room? dionne and i were set up with twin beds.”

alexei and henri have a standard suite, too, not that she wants blaine to know she’s already seen it. she’s not eager to bring up anyone else’s name -- not now that they finally have some alone time. 

blaine ducks his head, grinning as he holds one hand under the spray, testing its warmth. “i pulled some strings,” he says, “you know -- in case i needed an excuse to get you up here.”

he holds a hand out to her, and she slips her fingers into blaine’s, letting him pull her through the glass door of the shower. “you don’t ever need an excuse.”

“i know,” blaine says, as steam starts to fill the room and water beats down onto his face, “but... i guess i wanted to do something nice for you. us. and this was the only way i could make things special while still keeping them private.”

she’s stunned. there’s something so touching about blaine trying to make magic for her even with the circumstances of their situation so firmly in their way. not for the first time, she marvels at the reveal of blaine’s hidden second side -- the sweeter, softer traits he seems to expose only to her, cultivating some of her most treasured possessions unknowingly. 

kennedy clears her throat to distract from the heaviness that’s suddenly weighing down on their conversation. “peter doesn’t care you basically upgraded his room to a honeymoon suite?”

blaine laughs, and she finds herself stepping closer until she’s under the water with him, too, compelled by the sound of his honest joy. “nah. he’s cool like that. plus, i think he could see on my face how desperate i was to get you alone.”

she makes a soft noise in the back of her throat, looping her arms around his neck. “sweet talker.”

he shrugs carelessly, flicking wet hair off his forehead. “it’s true. watching you with alexei is impossible.”

kennedy sighs, expression twisting into one of sympathy. “i’m sorry. you’re always so worried about how hard this must be for me, but... it can’t be easy for you, either.”

the way blaine looks away lets her know immediately she’s hit the nail on the head. he grimaces. “i can’t say i love it.” there’s a beat of silence before he lifts his hand to her face, stroking damp fingers across her cheek. “so -- will you at least give what i said some thought?”

her eyebrows arch high in question. “which part?”

“the letting-me-take-some-of-the-heat-off-you part.” as she studies him, she sees that the look in blaine’s eyes is serious, a far cry from the way he’d joked and vented with her about the paparazzi out on the deck. “i know you think it’d just make an even bigger mess, but... think about it, okay? i hate what this is doing to you.”

“i’ll think about it,” she promises, pushing up onto her tip-toes to steal a quick kiss from blaine, desperate to get the tortured look off his face.

except that the kiss he gives her back is a far cry from the brief peck she’d intended. blaine’s hands rest on her hips and he angles his head down to seal their mouths together firmly, kissing her as deeply as he can. with a gasp, she twists her fingers into his wet hair, swaying closer to his chest while the weak international water pressure continues to patter quietly down onto the shower floor around them.

blaine backs her into the wall, the tile cool against her skin. his grip on her tightens as he pulls away to take his kisses across her face again, nipping a path below her jaw. “tell me you don’t have anywhere else to be tonight.”

she stares up at the ceiling, the offers she’d had from tatum and ayna floating through her mind. at the very least, she should probably put on a show of spending a little more time with alexei, though the thought of leaving this shower to go sit at the bar and make small talk is -- 

kennedy shakes her head. “no.”

“good,” blaine murmurs lowly, pushing her wet hair back off her shoulders to give himself more room. “‘cause it’s gonna be awhile before i’m done with you.”

“promise?” she breathes, arching her back to try to get closer to him. if fooling around with blaine in the hot tub was meant to take the edge off, it’s had the opposite affect. she’s acutely aware of the fact that it’s been what feels like forever since they last slept together, before the scandal broke. her hands push insistently at his back to try to force him closer.

“oh, you can count on it.” one of blaine’s hands slips between her legs with purpose, his fingers hardly pausing to tease before they brush against her clit, effortlessly falling into a rhythm that makes her shiver. 

kennedy’s head tips back against the side of the shower and she sighs, exhaling a hitching moan of blaine’s name when he pauses to suck deliberately on the sensitive patch of skin behind her ear she’d made the mistake of groaning loudly at one too many times, whenever his teeth got near it. now it was a weak point he constantly exploited. “blaine. god.”

“this is what i want to do out there,” he explains, free hand trailing from her thigh around to her ass and back again. “on the slope -- in the lodge -- anywhere. everywhere.”

“blaine,” she says again, more urgently this time, “i --”

his own hips rock forward in a slow grind, cutting her off effortlessly. “of course i want people to know,” he continues, through a moan, “look at you. jesus christ, kennedy.”

her whole body feels hot, burning up in a way that has nothing to do with the steam from the shower. she squeezes her eyes shut and focuses only on blaine and the wrecked sound of his voice, each desperate slide of their bare skin, and how his fingers know just what to do to push her right to the edge, until she’s shaking and her thighs are trembling where they’re trapped, pinned wide by the breadth of blaine’s body between them.

“you’re so gorgeous,” blaine sighs, just before he kisses her again, swallowing each of the moans that spill into his mouth, the wordless sounds of pleasure she can’t hold back fortunately muffled by the heavy shower doors and the space between them -- tucked away in blaine’s bathroom -- and the rest of the resort.

“please,” she begs, eyes blinking open slowly to focus on his face, “i need...” 

she trails off, captivated by the oddly serious look he’s wearing again, his eyes blazing and intent where they’re fixated on her expression. “what? you have all of me.”

the words are uncomfortably comforting, so soothing it takes everything she has to remain upright, her legs wobbly where her feet are slipping on the wet floor. “blaine.”

“yeah.” his hand stills so he can instead shift his grip to her thighs, encouraging her up the wall. blaine tilts his shoulders, and then he’s able to lift her up easily, her legs locking around his waist while the muscles in his arms flex in a way that makes her mouth dry. “i’m right here,” he promises, fingertips trailing softly across her hips like the rivulets of water following his touch, “let me make you feel good.”

“please,” kennedy gasps again, already nodding before blaine’s even had the chance to push his hips forward. 

“christ,” blaine mutters, as soon as their bodies are pressed flush and the stretch of his cock has her groaning even more loudly, her head tipped back against the tile, “i could fuck you all day.”

the sound that escapes her is unintelligible, embarrassing enough to force her eyes shut. it’s affirmative, at least, and the way it makes blaine chuckle against her throat sends a shiver down her spine, her hold on his shoulders tightening. 

his head dips so he can set his teeth on the space between her breasts, biting a bruise into her skin that no one will see but blaine. while his thrusts chase her up the wall, she clings to him, relishing the chance to get the alone time she’d been desperate for and aching for it to never end at the same time. if dinner with her friends had been enough to make her forget her fake relationship, being with blaine could drive every last thought out of her mind, so that the stress of school and her relationship with her mother and the tabloid drama that followed her like a storm cloud evaporated into nothing, leaving her feeling light as air.

she might’ve even floated away, had blaine not been there to anchor her. fortunately for kennedy, he is, keeping her grounded and steady, making sure her head doesn’t run wild overthinking and second-guessing their every interaction; the blazing look in his eyes and the firm pressure of his hands, his mouth and his hips keep her rooted to the moment, so her head isn’t anywhere but in the shower with him.

as blaine lifts his head, and their eyes lock, she realizes that there’s no where in the world she’d rather be. there’s nothing -- no amount of peace with her mom, no chances to go back in time and have a better childhood or more time with her friends or the space to take the risks she’d never allowed herself to dare try -- that she would trade this for, nothing that could compare.

there’s only her, and blaine, and the leap into the unknown she’d taken when she first let him lead her through campus by the hand at the start of the semester, the chance that had already paid off tenfold. the chance that had changed her life.

she hadn’t looked back then, and she doesn’t want to, now.

“god, blaine,” she moans, pressing their lips together in a sloppy, imprecise kiss. it’s hard to do anything when it’s taking all of her coordination just to meet his thrusts, her hips rocking back against his while the shower continues to run luxuriously hot around them. “that feels so good.”

“yeah,” he returns, voice as tight as his bruising grip on her thighs, “you do, you just -- fuck, kennedy.”

she swivels her hips, gratified by the shudder blaine gives, and then his hand shifts between her legs again and she’s left leaning back against the wall, only held up by blaine’s strength and the force of his hips driving forward, his pace growing faster and arrhythmic, sloppy and eager.

her toes curl against his back and her eyes squeeze shut tight and it only takes a few more clumsy swipes of his thumb before she’s sobbing out a moan that’d be too loud for either of their dorms at vancross, with their thin walls and nosy classmates, but that feels perfectly fitting for the resort, nothing but the snowy mountaintops beyond blaine’s balcony winking back at them.

everything is a blur after that.

she’s dimly aware of the gentle way blaine sets her carefully back down on her feet, how her legs threaten to give out but he helps her stay upright long enough to kiss her tenderly, fond warmth in his eyes and his smile a mile wide on his face. somehow, her hair gets washed, and while kennedy knows she’s just about useless in the process, eventually she and blaine wind up on the sofa in the suite’s living room in fluffy bathrobes plucked from the closet, curled up together in front of the fire.

burrowed into the warmth of blaine’s arms, she’s certain she could probably fall asleep just then, and stay out for about a thousand years, she’s so exhausted. 

“we should do this more often,” blaine suggests quietly, breaking the comfortable silence that’s blanketing them. she can only barely hear him over the crackling log in the fireplace.

kennedy snuggles closer in towards his chest, cheek pressed to the plush material stretched over his skin. “it is kinda romantic,” she agrees, jaw stretching wide with an involuntary yawn. “i still can’t believe you set all this up for me.”

blaine’s broad palm rubs slowly up and down her arm. “all i want,” he says, “is to give you a little bit of normalcy. just -- regular dates, whenever we can get ‘em. you deserve that.”

again, she’s amazed. none of the people she’s ever dated or even thought about dating had seemed as concerned with what she wanted as blaine is, now. the thoughtfulness feels foreign and she’s sure she’s undeserving of it -- she’s selfish and reckless and a walking disaster, isn’t she? why is he so worried about making her happy when she’s done nothing but cause trouble?

before she can stop herself, kennedy hears her voice ask, “do you think you’ll still like me, when all of this is over?” there’s a heavy silence that she rushes to fill with an explanation. “you know -- when it’s not such a risk, anymore.”

she thinks about how in his element he’d seemed, earlier today, speeding away from the paparazzi and stealing kisses from her on the slope. how excited blaine had been when he called her dangerous -- her, kennedy monroe. professional wet blanket, twenty-three years in the making.

“what,” blaine laughs, still rubbing his hands all over her, “you mean when the thrill wears off?”

her heart sinks. that’s exactly what she’d meant. “yeah.”

blaine’s hand pauses, then lifts to her chin to tilt her face up and back so she’s forced to meet his eyes. kennedy blinks as she sees the sincerity in his expression, out in the open for anyone to read. the look on blaine’s face is a mix of so many things she’s seen him cast in her direction before -- protectiveness and worry, fondness and exasperation, affection and awe and wonder with just a touch of disbelief. when their eyes lock, her heart stutters to a stop and then picks back up in frantic double-time.

“duh,” he snorts, as though she’s just said the single most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. “i’m obviously not doing this just because i’m into sneaking around. this blows. i wish you’d fuckin’ out me.”

she relaxes against him, feeling a little silly in the face of blaine’s honesty. in all the time they’ve been together, he’s hardly given her a reason to doubt him. 

“look, i told you i’m all in, and i meant that, okay?” his thumb slides across her jaw and then his hand brushes her hair back behind her ear, sweeping the wet stands off her cheek. “this whole thing is weird and stupid but it’s awesome at the same time, because no matter what happens, i still get to do shit like this with you. and i’ll do anything to make these moments for us. i don’t care what it takes.”

“okay,” kennedy sighs finally, when his intensity makes her stomach start to squirm, “enough, i don’t know how much more i can take. it’s like you’re trying to make me fall head over heels for you.”

the joke is meant to cover up her genuine reaction, which is that she’s touched, blaine’s words prodding at a soft spot of vulnerability deep within her. fortunately, he takes the bait -- probably sensing her desperation for an out and being as wonderfully accommodating as always. a familiar smirk pulls across his face. “is it working?”

she playfully swats at his shoulder, ducking out of reach of the pillow he reflexively lifts to swing back at her. they grapple on the couch until blaine tumbles down onto his back, pulling her with him, and kennedy stretches out happily over his form, leaning down until they’re nose-to-nose. 

it’s embarrassing, how much she likes him. embarrassing how much he knows. but when he grins at her like that, she can’t do much more than shrug and sheepishly admit, “it kind of is,” a matching smile spread out blissfully on her own flushed face.

[marcspectrr]

A word or two on Kiara's mental health...

Before I attempt to summarize the 39 page slideshow living rent free in my brain, a preface! This will include spoilers for s2, as well as a few mentions of suicidal thoughts! Also. I love Kiara Carrera with all of my heart so if you're not a fan of her, you might wanna keep scrolling. If you don't vibe with her that's perfectly fine, but this post is heavy with Kiara appreciation, be warned, my respect for her runs deep. The choice is yours, of course, just understand that I'm writing this bc @yellowlaboratory among others have encouraged me to get it out there because it's all I've been thinking about since I watched s2. This is not to start anything.

(This is also not me hating on Pope because I genuinely like his character, he's just made some very questionable choices throughout the show, some I can forgive and some that still don't sit right with me.)

Deep breath, here we go.

It's no secret Kiara has been poorly handled by the writers and therefore the characters at times. We got little development in s1 compared to other main male characters, leaving us to fill in the gaps as far as her ambitions, motivations, family, overall interest in the boys, etc. While I do keep this in mind, I could rant about it for days so for this I'm going off of what we have as well as what's been implied.

Kiara didn't have the same upbringing as the boys but it's clear the Carrera's had/have their struggles. She's got her foot in both worlds, not quite 'rich' but not entirely 'poor', inevitably giving her a fragile sense of belonging and identity. 16 is a hard age even without societal pressures and growing up in a classist environment, but here is where we're assuming the boys come in. They give her a place to feel comfortable in her own skin, with shared interests and accepting her for who she is, which we know the kooks don't provide. Just being around them helps ease those deep insecurities, helps her form meaningful bonds. We weren't given an explicit scene where this was shown but over the course of the two seasons it's clear how she feels about them and what they do for her mentally.

Her relationship with the pogues, however, puts a rift between her and her parents. Mike and Anna clearly want what's best for Kie but it's also obvious they've struggled with her even before the pogues. Anna wants Kiara to have the things she never got growing up, breeding a disconnect since Kiara doesn't share in her mother's interests. This leads into my biggest problem with Kiara's arc in s2, which was how Anna and Mike were written. 

Yes, Kiara didn't/doesn't treat them the best but it went both ways -- they all failed at communicating. Instead of finding a common ground and compensating for the things Kiara cares about, Anna shuts her down and ignores her, leaving her to feel like a problem rather than a person, further perpetuating even less healthy communication. Kiara even says in s2 that's why she doesn't like going home, because it always means walking into an argument and not feeling accepted.

I sorta expected a little more understanding from Anna considering her own background with pogues but instead it backfired. And Mike...he didn't contribute much at all. They could've all done better and need some work. Kiara could be more grateful and Anna and Mike are the parents, the adults, they need to make the space feel safe to talk. Kie didn't just wake up one day and decide to act out and keep her parents in the dark all the time, that stems from not feeling listened to when she does try and open up.

Expanding on this with...the whole Blue Ridge plot. Moment of silence for the show neglecting to acknowledge the academy,  even though it clearly had a big impact on Kiara's life. In s1 we got a brief look into how her 'kook year' affected her and it was not good. More isolation, blurred identity, insecurity and this time suicidal thoughts, with no one to turn to for support, assuming she was not on good terms with her parents then either. I'm assuming this because for them to send her to the academy, hoping to give her better opportunities only for it to end with her wanting to cut her wrists, to then thinking the best option is to send her away again? At this point I hope they didn’t know how badly the academy affected her because sending her away a second time with that knowledge is such a hurtful and oblivious move.

Kiara already thinks her parents see her as a burden, hurting her sense of worth as is. I really wanted to like the Carrera's and I still feel like they genuinely love and care for Kie, I just need to see more communication maybe. And if they choose to include the Blue Ridge plot, which I'm leaning towards yes on that one, I hope it's handled somewhat well, preferably not a tool to create drama even though I know a lot of people want to see it be used that way. I'm very particular, I'm sorry I'm this way.

Things I've seen her being criticized for in s2 is her behavior. The thing that people have to remember is that she's 16 and teenagers are just not the best with navigating their emotions. She made questionable choices (the 'murderer' thing and 'abusing' Pope) but these are both things that fit the plot and her character. She was by no means the only one grieving so I don't know why she's being targeted for it (although I'm not surprised, the fandom treats her horribly). Some of her core characteristics are her high moral integrity as well as her headstrong belief in people and causes. She's never been one to make herself palatable for people and s2 shows a lot of this (calling out the Cameron's, going off in front of the court, etc). Even if it caused them problems and even if they are flaws, that doesn't make her an inherently intolerable character, it makes her realistic. She was not in a good place emotionally and it would've been wrong to shy away from depicting it any other way, especially in a show where the teenage experience is decently represented.

Now with the Pope thing. I think it was handled as well as it could've been considering the circumstances. It really should've never happened but to justify it, emotions are messy, relationships even messier and they were both spiraling at the end of s1. I don't agree with the way it started (why give Kie the line of literally telling him she wanted something different only to show them together next episode, I'm forever confused) but I'm not mad about how it ended. They were both in the wrong at times so only bringing up Kie's faults is just unfair.

I believe they both tried their best and even wanted to feel the right things but learned quickly that's not exactly how it works, which was how it was supposed to be shown. Not as this romanticized, idealistic healthy relationship but as one that has its bumps and was bred out of all the wrong things. All of their body language pointed towards this. Pope didn't deserve to be hurt but Kie clearly didn't intend for things to turn out how they did. She wasn't mentally comfortable enough for a relationship and I can appreciate them showing this in the ways the writers framed it. Even the conversation with Kie describing their night on the beach, I think it was perfect. It was awkward but it was honest, which is so important.

Overall, I think Kiara's gone through a lot mentally that the show could be better at exploring. It doesn't have to be big, obvious lingering shots, they can be subtle and still mean so much to people who relate to her. Seeing someone on screen grapple with real life struggles (even if the show walks a painfully fine line as far as realism), it means a lot. Especially when mental health (more prominent than ever) is so rarely portrayed to translate in any significant way in media now. It's definitely something I would love to see get more time and effort so until then, just know I'll be manifesting the screen time Kiara Carrera deserves.