#and they told me that they can't in Good Conscience support me in the way i want them to

[scattered-winter]

sometimes I feel like a ghost in my own house and I also feel like a fucking casualty of my family's religious beliefs and tbh it would be really really great if I could. not feel like that.

[ao3cassandraic]

As far as they can

At the end of the Job minisode, Crowley inaugurates Their Side by proclaiming Aziraphale "an angel who goes along with Heaven... as far as he can," parallel to his own stated relationship with Hell.

Only it... doesn't actually work that way. Their exactlies are different exactlies.

Crowley defies and lies to Hell as often as he thinks he can get away with it. He never disabuses Downstairs of their misconceptions about his contributions to human atrocities. He cheerfully lies in his reports Downstairs, something Aziraphale briefly turns on his Baritone of Sarcastic Disapproval about in s1. Crowley even turns evil homeopathic in the latter part of the 20th century, likely in hopes that it will look good to head office while accomplishing essentially nothing. (This, of course, is another way he Crowleys himself, both with the London phone system and the M25.) After Eden, Crowley's default given an assignment from Hell is to see how he can subvert it.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, defies Her and Heaven as little as he possibly can. Sometimes, as with his sword giveaway, his compassion gets the better of his anxiety. Sometimes, as with Job's children in the destruction of the villa, he can try to stay within the letter of the law by leaving the defiance to Crowley.

His default, however, is "'m 'nangel. I can't dis- diso -- not do what 'm told." This comes out most often as respect for the Great/Divine Plan, which to him is sacrosanct. He sounds quite sincere in s1 when he says "Even if I wanted to help I couldn’t. I can’t interfere with the Divine Plan."

Aziraphale quite frequently Good Angels along by parroting Heaven's party line, whether it's "it'll all be rather lovely" or "I am good, you (I'm afraid) are evil" or droning on about evil containing the seeds of its own destruction, or condemning Elspeth's graverobbing as "wicked" (a stance he offers absolutely no reasoned support for, no logic, no "but She said," not a word -- that's very Heaven; most of Heaven's angels have the approximate brainpower of paramecia). Maestro Michael Sheen even has a particular voice cadence -- I think of it as Sententious Voice -- he uses when Aziraphale is thoughtlessly party-lining.

When the angel's conscience wars with his sense of Heaven's orthodoxy but (and this is an important but) he can't feasibly resist whatever's wrong, he offers strengthless party-line justifications he clearly doesn't agree with (as with the "rain bow" in Mesopotamia) or resorts to a Nuremberg defense: "I'm not consulted on policy decisions, Crowley!" Once or twice, he's even vocally aware of Heavenly hypocrisy: "Unless… [guns]'re in the right hands, where they give weight to a moral argument… I think." This isn't Sententious Voice. It's I-can't-disobey-and-I-hate-that voice.

But at base, the angel prefers obedience (not least because it's vastly safer), and he'd rather have someone else do his moral reasoning for him. Honestly? Pretty relatable. I know lots of people like this -- hell's bells, I've been this person, though I grew out of it somewhat -- and I daresay you do too. Moral reasoning is hard and often lonely (since it can be read as self-righteousness or even hypocrisy) and acting as it dictates can hurt. Nobody would need ethics codes if The Right Thing was also invariably The Convenient Thing.

Many GO fans find these Aziraphalean traits frustrating! Especially his repeated returns to parroting Heaven orthodoxy! Sometimes I do too! (Not least because I'm rather protective of my own integrity, and it's cost me quite a few times. I'm well-known in professional circles for picking up a rhetorical spear and tilting at the nearest iniquitous windmill. I often lose, but I sure do keep tilting. Every once in a blue moon I actually win one.)

The key, I think, to giving our angel a little grace on this (beyond honoring the gentle compassion that is pretty basic to his character) is noticing how often he can be induced to abandon an unconsidered Heavenish default stance. As irritating as his default is, and as consistently as he returns to it, it's not really that hard to talk him out of it. Crowley, of course, is tremendously good at knocking Aziraphale away from his default -- he's had to be. But Aziraphale even manages to talk himself away from his default once, in the form of the Ineffable Plan hairsplitting at the airbase!

I think the character-relevant point of the Resurrectionist minisode is making this breaking-the-Heavenish-default dynamic as clear as the contents of the pickled-herring barrel aren't. "That's lunatic!" Crowley exclaims, when Aziraphale Sententious Voicedly parrots Heaven's garbage about poverty providing extra opportunities for goodness. Aziraphale isn't quite ready to let go yet, replying "It's ineffable."

But Dalrymple (who, I think, parallels Heaven, perhaps even the Metatron -- there could be something decent there, but it's buried too deep under scorn and clueless privilege for any graverobber-of-souls to dig it out) manages to break Aziraphale's orthodoxy by explaining the child's tumor.

Once released from his orthodoxy, Aziraphale can't be trusted to handle moral reasoning well; his moral-reasoning ability is not-uncommonly (though not always) portrayed as vitiated. When he gives Elspeth the go-ahead to dig up more bodies, his excuses are just as vacuous as they were when he was convinced of her wickedness. He knows that he's crossed Heaven's line, too, and just as at Eden it's worrying him. That's why he has to talk to Crowley to nerve himself up to help Wee Morag... only he spends too much time talking, and it's too late.

But Crowley can then talk him into bankrolling Elspeth toward a better life. Aziraphale doesn't even put up any fight, both because he's compassionate and because Crowley is temporarily taking the place of Heaven (he's even Heaven-sized and staring down at them!) as the angel's moral compass.

S1 has an even worse example of Aziraphale's moral wavering, actually. Crowley yells "Shoot him, Aziraphale!" and Aziraphale sure does try to murder Adam. Again, he's adopting his morals from the nearest (and loudest) convenient source. Madame Tracy, thankfully, has enough of a moral backbone to save our angel from himself and Crowley.

(With my ersatz-ethicist hat on: this is a fight between utilitarianism and deontology. Crowley is the utilitarian, which is actually a bit of a departure for him, but he's admittedly desperate. Madame Tracy is the deontologist: One Doesn't Kill Children. Aziraphale is caught in the middle.)

I wouldn't be surprised if part of the reason we start s3 with Aziraphale and Crowley separated is so that Aziraphale finally has to do his own moral reasoning, without Crowley's nudges. I don't think it'll be easy for him. It will absolutely be lonely. And it may well hurt.

But I will watch for it, because it's how he will become his own angel, independent of Heaven and even of Crowley. And he must do that.

[scoobydoodean]

ELEANOR: The demon I could've handled, but when the angel stepped in, I - I told him, Bobby. They have enough to crack Purgatory wide open.

Cas pops in right after Elenor dies from the torture Crowley and Cas inflicted on her. Cas immediately shifts the blame onto Crowley even though Eleanor said he was the real terror.

CASTIEL: I'm sorry this had to happen. Crowley got carried away. BOBBY: Yeah, I bet it was all Crowley you son of a bitch!

Sam and Dean have to hold Bobby back. He and Eleanor had a romantic relationship in the past.

Dean again appeals to Cas's conscience (or rather, his lack of one):

DEAN: You don't even see it, do you? How totally off the rails you are!

This season, Dean has seen Cas torture a child. Cas has used Dean without permission as bait and for a spell. Cas knew Crowley was forcing Sam and Dean to work for him after a certain point and allowed it to continue until he couldn't anymore because they were going to kill each other. Cas killed Lenore simply because trying to convince her to just lay low for a while was too inconvenient. Last episode, Balthazar told Sam and Dean that Cas's plan relied on Cas being able to sustain the energy of all the souls he planned to consume, and there was a high likelihood he'd fail and blow up the world. Balathazar tells Cas this too, but Cas's only reponse is too demand Balthazar's loyalty without ever addressing his concern. He ignores it because it doesn't support his narrative of how this will all go—how Cas needs it to go. Cas has abandoned so many of his convictions at this point just to prove that he was right to go down this path to begin with. He just tortured someone to the point of death and he's about to do more.

CASTIEL: Enough! I don't care what you think.

And yet lying to them all season was explicitly because he did care what they thought. He knew they wouldn't like what he was up to. He knew Balthazar wouldn't like it either and lied to him too, and to Rachel and the other angels. All because he was ashamed.

CASTIEL: I've tried to make you understand. You won't listen.

This is code for "I told you how things would go and that there was no discussion to be had and you didn't fall in line". Now the threats:

CASTIEL: So let me make this simple. Please, go home and let me stop Raphael. I won't ask again. DEAN: Well, good, 'cause I think you already know the answer. CASTIEL: I wish it hadn't come to this.

No one is making him do this. What he's about to do is a choice he is making that no one is forcing him to make. Even if he wanted Sam and Dean out of his way, he could have done any number of things other than this. In fact, he could have done other things that were arguably much more effective. He only needed to delay them for 24 hours. He could have flown them to the other side of the world and left them there. He could have locked them in a prison. He could have knocked them unconscious. He could have even made them forget, which would have also been cruel, but it would have been more effective. But the path he chooses is breaking Sam's mind.

CASTIEL: Well rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam, but only if you stand down.

Whereas in the previous episode, we can reasonably argue that Cas's words come out wrong and he doesn't actually mean to imply that he'll save Lisa only if Dean does as Cas tells him to do, in this case... we can't argue that. He is explicitly telling Dean that he's going to destroy Sam's mind, and that Sam's mind will remain broken even after all of this is over if Dean doesn't do as he's told.

Cas is trying—not as effectively as he knows how, but rather as cruelly as he knows how—to bring Dean to heel. He chooses this action even though it's arguably less effective than other things he could do because he wants to not just control but also punish Dean for disloyalty and disobedience. Dean returned Sam's soul behind Cas's back after Cas told him not to in 6.10 with ulterior motives. Breaking Sam's mind in this specific way is another way of proving that Cas is right and that Dean should have listened to him. Cas makes the thing he was worried would happen—happen to punish Dean for not listening to him. It's honestly incredible that their relationship recovered, especially with all the personal experiences Dean has with angels specifically trying to force him to comply with their demands via force and threats.

[thefandomlesbian]

37 + wilson for the ask game :)

OUCH we're going right for the throat, huh--

This is probably going to be utterly incomprehensible and I am not responsible for any ramifications that arise from answering this question. Allow the word-barf to commence!

#37: What they really think about themselves:

This is such a difficult question to answer because Wilson is a man shrouded in layers upon layers of hiding. This is someone who constantly begs the people around him to be vulnerable with him, to trust him, while simultaneously refusing to ever offer his own vulnerability. And he's good at it. He's good at passing himself off as being close to someone while they never know he has a brother.

House is all walls topped with barbed wire fences and he makes no claims otherwise. Wilson on the other hand is a shimmering oasis. He's fresh water in the desert with shade and fruit. He's nothing but a refreshing illusion. Wilson can be incredibly human while simultaneously more detached than anyone knows. This is aided by the fact that he's a social chameleon, matching whoever he's with, and a natural conscience mirror for the people around him. House calls him out on this multiple times in S5, specifically for being a chameleon who meets the environmental needs of everyone else socially; House asks him, "Who are you at your core?" and then goes on to assert that he thinks Wilson has no core, that his locus of identity has been completely erased in his desperation to meet the needs of others.

Even in S6 when House demands that Wilson choose something to place in their home that he likes... he picks something he knows House likes. "You asked me to tell you who I am, and I am someone who loves you. This is the only answer I know how to give." That's typically the fandom read, but it's important to recognize that this attitude is not unique to House coming from Wilson. He does the same thing with Amber, with Grace (the cancer patient he cares for), with Cuddy during the Rachel adoption arc, with Tucker, with Sam. His existence pivots on his service to other people.

His desperate need to be needed, as House calls it, has a flipside: Wilson can't need anything. From anyone, ever. He can't be vulnerable, which is why he hides himself so effectively. To unveil weaker parts of himself, it would require his loved ones to serve him, to help him, and Wilson cannot cope with the idea of inconveniencing the people in his life. I have written meta in the past on the whole cast's gross mistreatment of Wilson during the Tritter arc. He has no money, no car, living in a hotel that presumably expects weekly payments, no way to buy food or keep himself housed. Everyone attacks him when he finally folds, but none of those people were there to support him, even though his situation was exclusively caused by House lying to and manipulating him. But the thing is... Wilson wouldn't have let them help him. Think of his friendship with Cuddy, how she reveals that she treats him as a confidant (she told him and only him that she slept with her father's best friend) and trusts him not to repeat things to House--but when he arrives to work late from riding the bus, she didn't even know his car was impounded. That sort of friendship is the type you can call to come get you! You don't need to take the bus! Wilson would never dream of reciprocating the relationship she has with him. He's incapable of inconveniencing someone, even to ask for a ride to work or to spot him a five for a sandwich in the cafeteria, even from people he's very close to.

And this all comes to a head in the cancer arc. Wilson is incapable of being needy to the point that he's ready to undergo high dose chemotherapy alone in his own home in a nonsterile environment with no one to monitor him or check on him. In his words: "I am not going to die slowly in a hospital bed under fluorescent lighting with people stopping by to gawk and lie about how I look. Even a small chance of that happening is too big a chance for me." It's funny that later in this episode he says that he wanted a wife and children to care for him, when we know he wouldn't ever allow himself to be so weak in front of his loved ones. House acknowledges this in the same episode.

Wilson's need to serve and his fearful avoidance of being vulnerable all point to an incredibly abysmal sense of self-worth. He says that House doesn't like himself but admires himself, and I don't even think Wilson does that much--as he consistently tries to lie on the sword for everyone around him. RSL says Wilson is the saddest man in New Jersey, and I would agree with that. Wilson has deep-seated issues with his self-esteem. As a wise YA novel once said, we accept the love we think we deserve, and the only love Wilson ever accepts is House's. In S3 after House upends his entire life, it takes one genuine apology to buy him back, because House's love is the only one Wilson knows how to handle. It's the only one he can take without feeling unworthy. All coming to the S8 conclusion: House makes the ultimate sacrifice for Wilson, and Wilson (in spite of having just lambasted House publicly for ostensibly ditching him) argues against it. Wilson says he's not worth the sacrifice. He would rather die alone than have House give up his life for him.

(I could delve into a whole follow-up wrt Wilson's romantic relationships as a gay!Wilson truther, but I've already gone too far and made this unnecessarily long.)

so in short: I wouldn't say Wilson hates himself explicitly, he would consider that vain and self-centered, but he cannot exist outside of serving others. If his utility is gone, he is pointless. I already wrote a long meta on my take on Wilson's suicidality, but that line of thought follows here, too. Wilson thinks his value as a person stems from his ability to care for others and will die sooner than become someone who needs to be cared for.

[nerdygaymormon]

Hi, I'm a young queer mormon living in Utah who finished their first year of college and decided halfway through after lots of prompting that I should serve a mission. The choice brought so much joy into my life and reconnected me with the church, my family, my beliefs, and my self. I felt really lost and unfulfilled at school, and the decision to put my schooling on hold for the next two years or so and bring the joy I felt from the gospel to more of God's children has felt so right every step of the way. I've have my call since March now, and I leave in a couple weeks.

But this new church announcement (the transgender policies) has absolutely shaken me. Obviously from a young age I have struggled with the church's stance on queer identities, and many more aspects. But my heart always felt that Christ cared not about these things and wanted only for us to try and be better and accept his atonement into our life. I also felt like the community of a ward or a church was one of the best parts of the gospel, and so many people need it and could benefit from it even if they did not wish to or choose to carry out sacred ordinances or covenants.

But this handbook change has made me feel like that's not true anymore. How can I stand for and represent a church that is directly excluding and prejudiced against my transgender friends? How am I supposed to tell other families and individuals to come to church when I myself can't even seem to grapple with what it stands for right now? I'm really struggling, I don't know if I should cancel my mission or push through in the hopes that more understanding will come through acting in faith. While every step of this process has brought me closer to myself and my family and brought me a lot of clarity in a confusing time, I feel that right now God is giving me a choice. I listened to Him with full faith and put in my papers and put my school on hold, but now I feel like he's telling me to choose for myself what to do next. And I have no idea what to do.

I'm lucky enough to have parents who will support my decision either way and who are also furious at the handbook change, but that doesn't take away the issues that choosing not to serve a mission brings. All the ward members who will be informed about it, all the explaining I'll have to do. If I don't go, I wish to instead use my mission funds to pay for a humanitarian trip to a place near the mission I was called, so I can still dedicate my time to bringing help to God's children, but I'm already so far in my mission process and I know there is a reason I was prompted to do all of this. But I'm so stuck.

Any advice?

Thank you for sharing all this.

I was just telling a friend that I think God's way is to have us make our own choices, especially the bigger the decision. Sometimes there's times like where you got the prompting to serve a mission, but it's still your choice. Often those promptings are making us aware there is another path available to us, perhaps one we weren't aware might be a good choice for us. However, most of the time God doesn't prompt us what to do, we have to study it out and then pray about the choice we made and ask God to affirm.

I think this way we own the decision. If we marry someone, we have to put in the work to make it a successful relationship and not just assume it will all work out because God said to do it. And when things don't go perfectly, if God told us what to do then we would blame God when it's us who messed things up.

I can see that the prompting you received helped you take a step back from a situation you were in (college) that maybe wasn't the right time for you, and get closer to the Lord. This gave you a firmer spiritual foundation on which to stand when these Handbook changes were announced.

My advice is to not ignore your feelings. If something bothers your conscience, pay attention to that.

Another piece of advice is to think about how you want to serve. A humanitarian mission perhaps is the mission you were being prompted towards, you are in a position now to make that choice because of the decisions you made based on the prompting you received. You can make a list of pros & cons, and as you think about what these different experiences will be like, the proselyting mission or the humanitarian mission, pay attention to which one brings you a sense of peace?

The Spirit is accompanied by feelings, think about how you feel when you're getting a prompting or feel that something is the right direction to go. Keep in mind those feelings when you pray about whichever decision you make.

I admire your desire to serve and to stand for goodness, and I commiserate with you in regards to these steps our church has announced.

[noblechaton]

my father's gone. tw for uh. death, I guess

I say my father but like. he was my dad, for sure. a complex simple person, I'd say. he was blunt to a fault, kinda....constantly aloof, but he wore it well. he was a people person, light of the room, always the funny guy. I feel I get a lot of my humor from him, and I've always been quite proud of that. maybe he didn't know how to be personable all that well, said the wrong thing at the wrong time here and there, maybe he was bad at keeping secrets - one time he told the school I'd texted home when we weren't meant to even have phones lmao - and maybe he wasn't the best at showing how he cared

but he did care. I know he cared, my family knows it. there were rough patches, bickering and fights, and he had this indominable surface to him, never showed any sort of pain or fear or frustration unless it truly got to him. even with this latest incident, he'd insisted he was fine despite how obvious it was that he. wasn't. I find myself wishing I'd pressed more, been more convincing, as if somehow I could have gotten the stubborn old mule to relent sooner than he did, if maybe that'd made a difference

but I can't change what's happened, despite my own rage

and really, I feel I'm kinda....lucky, I guess, that I can't say much bad about him. he was so far from some horrible person. did he have his failings? sure. we all do. but he supported me no matter what, never put up any restrictions or stopped me from at least trying to pursue what I wanted to do, always encouraging no matter how gently. he was there for me when I needed strength or a laugh, was this independent rock that I - and everyone he knew - could lean on as they needed.

he wasn't great at expressing his feelings, or helping with the feelings of others, not the most sensual guy around, but he was there. always there with some quick joke or a funny face to lighten the mood, always willing to do whatever it took for anyone he knew, constantly sought out ways of helping others, total strangers, be it giving their cars a jump on the side of the road or simply picking something up for them. he instilled a lot more into me than I think he knew, I credit him a lot for both my sense of humor and my sense of conscience.

he had his issues, nobody's perfect, but he always tried to be as best as he could, and it almost always worked. he was just. a good man, who'd always help someone out when they asked, that was there even if he wasn't fully present, y'know? like, he'd sit with me and watch Power Rangers, or some silly drama show, not because he was invested in Heroes or whatever I'd wanted to watch, but just because I'd asked. and so effortlessly funny and warm hearted, always the brightest smile in any given room, so eager to make someone, anyone laugh. even when the joke was on him, it never felt like it

there's so much I find myself wishing I'd have done or said, both as if I could have changed this outcome and in general. we never really told each other we loved one another all that much, not verbally, but I feel we both knew it all the same. we loved to tease and joke with each other, I loved surprising him with oldies I'd play on the radio he felt I shouldn't know, and the games we'd play over him having me guess what movie he was watching. and when a miracle of a sort came through this past Summer, he accepted a hug for the first time in ages, and I held him as he showed just a glimmer behind his tough exterior, as he cried, just briefly, on my shoulder from joy

so. again. a complex yet simple man, I think that kinda fits him pretty perfectly. the exact kind of person you'd want in your corner, someone who was beside you no matter what. maybe he wasn't the most outward person, but he was very much outgoing, the heart of any given room he entered, so constantly supportive and understanding even when he didn't, couldn't truly understand, so dependable and devoted, so caring in his own ways

he was my friend, and he was my dad, and I think I'll always miss him

[fatum679]

Hi. I have a few questions and would like to hear your opinion.

What do you think of Aemond's actions at Rook's Rest? Do you see it as him intentionally wanting to get rid of Aegon or him simply not caring and primarily aiming at Meleys and Rhaenys, while also seeing Aegon as a collateral victim ? He sure gets a lot of hate for it now, especially from green fandom. Do you think he can be justified at all? Personally, I'm not happy with how the show depicted Aegon/Aemond dynamic cause it could have been very interesting and complex, but the way they resolved it in the show did seriously disappoint me, ngl.

Also, do you think that Helaena will know what happened? We know that Hel and Aemond share a scene in ep 5 in the throne room and I was wondering what her reaction could be (anger, indiferrence, sadness, another vague prophecy... )? I'm curios to see how are they going to depict their dynamic since it will be the first time they actually interact (I still can't believe that the showrunners missed the opportunity when Jaehaerys was killed).

Thanks in advance for your answers!

Hello!

I'll be clear, I don't like Aegon and I have no problem with Aegon and Aemond not having a loving brotherly relationship. Aegon is a terrible big brother, he taunted and bullied Aemond his whole life and wouldn't stop. "He's a twat." Aegon took the 13-year-old child for his birthday to a brothel. Aemond did not want this, he was brought there by force.

In season two he treated Aemond like his own weapon "My brother, at least, knows his plase. He's as loyal as a hound. I can set him ans his dragon on my foes at will".

I see that Aemond wants revenge and he wants justice.

But I am absolutely against what happened in Rook's Rest. I see that this was specifically written by the writers to take the blame off Rhaenys. Rhaenys killed a large number of people at the coronation and tg stans used this argument against tb stans. So I believe this was done intentionally. Rhaenys' crime was given to Aemond. We are sold the idea that there is a "good side" and a "bad side", a "Mary Sue" side and a "villainous villain" side.

That is why in episode 5 the residents of the capital are not happy about the victory over the Meleys. But why? This dragon has killed many innocents, it has left many children without parents and it has crippled many. This is propaganda. They are promoting to us that TB is concerned about people, but this is not true.

Rhaenys's crime was deliberately given to Aemond. Aegon was deliberately made stupider. I don’t believe that when he saw Meleys he didn’t think that “This dragon is bigger than mine, maybe it’s not worth attacking directly.” This battle was meant to unite Aegon and Aemond. This does not mean that they will respect and love each other, but for the same purpose they had to unite. “You may cuff him about as you wish at home, but in the world, we must defend our own”.

I was also expecting more fire in this battle.

I see Helaena's reaction as Aemond becoming something he never was. It's sadness I see. Helaena is the voice of conscience for Aemond.

Aemond really supported Aegon "I only wish to serve my king and my house" "We can't risk losing you" But AEGON DIDN'T CHANGE "My brother, at least, knows his plase. He's as loyal as a hound. I can set him ans his dragon on my foes at will" "What a fine, sweet thing, did you fuck her like a hound?" I doubt you would support a person who puts you down.

I understand Aemond's "betrayal", but it shouldn't have been the way it was portrayed on the show. Aemond would not deprive his party of a dragon. Perhaps we will be told more in other episodes.

I'll just describe Aemond with this quote, but I think he had a lot of bad days in his life: «All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day»

Unfortunately, in episode 5 we were only given crumbs, but in episodes 6-8 there should be more Helaemond scenes and according to the leaks, Aemond should realize that Helaemond is a dreamer and ask her for advice. The actors also talked a lot in interviews about their relationship and that they played Helaemond. I'm just waiting and hoping.

[rebelpapermaker]

Eddsworld bringing back Tord is such a weirdly infuriating thing to me. Feels like they're trying to buy back the audience they lost without actually addressing why they lost the audience.

You lost your adult audience, the audience who can buy your merch and support you most strongly, by:

ignoring allegations toward one of your producers, treating it like a cancelling attempt rather than providing the proof that exonerated the producer (if it existed; I am being charitable here)

making fun of and dismissing people who ship your characters, who happen to be most of your most dedicated fans typically

making fun of people with fictives of your characters

supporting tbatf, who called anyone who didn't agree with their view of canon "deddheads" (I am willing to believe you didn't see some of the tbatf team's actions, but this was still a factor)

dismissing fans who just wanted to hear that something was happening as far as the show, or that might want to know where the money being made is going- not accusatorily, but asking for information on what was being done when we can all see money is being made and in the past we were told where the money was donated and how much. Of course there are costs, and maybe there isn't profit to donate; you could tell us that.

You made it so extremely difficult to support the show in good conscience. I didn't want to leave, and neither did many others- we wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you just kept doubling down on distancing yourselves from us. Do you want us to watch your show or not? Are we lame, nosy, weird, or are we your audience? You can't have both, and this won't be enough to restore what you destroyed.

(This is in no way directed at anyone who works for Eddsworld!!! I'm actually super supportive of y'all getting employment, and none of these things were or are in your control. This is specifically about the choices the showrunners are making.)

[cakepoppresent]

I'm Just Worried About You

Finally! It's graduation time! The ceremony went smoothly. Vaughn did NOT invite his father but Grams, Brooklyn and Veronica were in attendance. Vaughn wasn't able to find time to speak with Veronica but he plans on pulling her aside today and clearing everything out

Hopefully

Su stands alone and proud. Graduation comes and goes, and no one stands in his corner to tell Su they are proud of him. Vaughn is there but he has his own family to show their support. The only redeeming factor today is Grayson

Finally, at the after party, it's filled with new graduates, business moguls and interested companies looking to poach new recruits to their side. Su stands off to the side eyes scanning the crowd for his little dude Spotted.

Su walks straight to Grayson his hands immediately around Grayson's waist and pulls him close "Took you long enough. You look good"

Grayson: Congrats Su!! You're free! No more assignments or projects. Must be nice

Su: It's very nice. Are you here alone?

Grayson: My parents are somewhere

Pulling Grayson to a quiet hall Su stood in front of him with a worried look

Su: How much do you know about Gideon and how he handled his grandparents

Grayson: Hmmm, I'm not sure he said something about selling shares. We're supposed to meet today and talk about it

Talk to Gideon about it? That's not happening with Su around. Grayson just needs a push in the right direction and everything will fall into place.

Su: Are you sure? I don't want you hurt

Grayson: Why would I be hurt? Gideon wouldn't hurt me. It's just a talk

Su: I just worry for you. You can't trust Gideon. The people he's associating with are dangerous. What if you get hurt? or your family? Do you want that on your conscience?

Grayson: What the hell are you talking about? Gideon isn't dangerous

Su: Are you sure? The people he is working with now are dangerous

Grayson: I don't understand what you're saying. Gideon is working for someone dangerous? Who? How dangerous?

Su: I can't say but I know he is from Mt. Komorebi and they deal with shady businesses. It's not safe for you to be with Gideon. I'm worried for you Grayson. I won't be able to forgive myself if I don't let you know. Gideon isn't who he says. Think about how long he has been lying to you? Months? A year? Everything he's done has been a lie. You said it yourself you deserve better.

Gideon is literally the softest person he knows, there is no way Gideon is a killer.

Grayson: You can't just lie on him like that! This won't make me date you

Su: I don't need to lie about this. Gideon cannot be trusted, do you want to be with someone who kills with a command?

Grayson thinks back, did Gideon actually tell him what he was doing? He can't think of a time when Gideon explicitly told him his plans. He remembers late-night calls but Gideon always said it was nothing and he took it to heart. Grayson starts to get a headache

Su: Listen. Grayson if you don't believe me. Ask him yourself. I know for a fact all the men who work under Gideon's boss need to get a tattoo as a sign of loyalty. It should be on his back. Ask him. If it's not there then I won't say anything more and I'll leave you alone

Grayson: Fine! I'll ask Gideon you can't just lie on him like that!

Su: I'm just thinking about you

Grayson: DON'T touch me. I'm leaving

Watching Grayson leave, Su spots someone in the dashing into a stairwell. Interesting...everything is really working in his favour

Previous - Next

[many-sparrows]

hello! as a queer christian who’s just discovered your blog, you’re a little inspirational to me.

i’d like to ask, if you have time to answer - what can a non-american not-yet-legal-adult with about fifteen euros to their name do for palestine? all i could think of was to paint some badges, go to a local protest and pray, but i don’t know what meaningful action i could take to help the effort to stop this appalling genocide. what can i do?

thank you 🇵🇸🇷🇴

Heeheehee, hello! I'm sorry for leaving you in The Box for so long, I've had a very chaotic couple weeks.

I'm glad you're here!!

Painting badges and showing up and praying is a great place to start. You would be surprised how many people are incredibly and deeply moved by seeing Christians at actions. Maybe that's an america thing because so many Christians here are so particularly terrible, but my presence at the time of arrest and in jail and so on has helped so many people address religious trauma, and someone told me that my faith filled conviction helped her talk to her dad about all this and they prayed together for the first time. I'm so serious when I say THAT is what witnessing means.

As a not-yet-adult, I would caution you to please be careful. Don't risk arrest unless you have very supportive parents or a well developed set of contingency plans. I know very much what it feels like to want to do more, to think you're not doing enough, but there are people with the resources and experience to be able to make the call to put their bodies on the line-- and they need support from people who don't get arrested.

I don't have a good grasp on official European stances on Palestine outside of, like, Germany and Ireland, but that is also something to consider. Even if you're not a legal voter, you can definitely still contact political offices or raise awareness about what your country is or should be doing. Outside of direct economic ties, what manufacturers exist in your area? What companies ship what goods through your area? That might sound complicated to figure out, but once you start digging, the research falls into line.

I particularly like making fliers about the economic ties companies have to Israel and wheat pasting them up. That varies in legality so I can't, in good conscience, tell you to do that without at LEAST running a risk assessment. But you can always hand out fliers and tack em up on billboards and slip em between books at the library. I know making fliers can also have an economic barrier though.

Talk to the people you know. Honestly, this has been scarier to me than getting arrested, but if you can calmly grasp both scripture and the dignity of the Palestinian people, patiently walking other people through that can make a big difference.

Physical presence, at protests and the like, is important, and so is being vocal. Write to ceos, tweet your government officials, etc etc etc. Follow Palestinian Christians and churches and pray with and for them as they need.

Any and every action is important, even the small ones. I think about it this way: God doesn't call me to single handedly do anything. I cannot end this. And I'm not expected to. God just asks me to do what I can, with tenacity and determination. Sometimes that means just painting badges and showing up and praying, which can grow into something more.

[alipeeps]

Episode 30

Okay so the scene with the cloak was every bit as adorable as the gifsets suggested. And this. THIS!!

How is this anything other than a confession? He just literally said to her - don't get killed, I can't lose you.

And this whole scene, as they sit there and banter about staying single, and being therapeutic for each other, she is sitting there wearing his fucking clothes!!

I am even more confused by Yurong's situation/motivations. He literally made a deathbed promise to his dad to become a good and honest official and root out the corrupt ones - HOW did he end up on the side of the corrupt ones? He has been literally supporting schemes to embezzle money from the emperor to buy troops and horses for King Chen. This is treason. And he has killed for it. Killed the woman he loved. Howww does he square this in his conscience with his promise to his father?!! (Unless this is all some kind of verrrrrry long game to get the Princess etc to trust him to the point where he can expose/ruin all their schemes but if so then holy heck that is COLD (being willing to kill your beloved wife to achieve your aim?) and he would 1000% go down in flames with them. I'm not sure I believe he has that in him but... then again....)

And I'm sorry but really? In what reality would any bad guys/assassins be allowed to spy so closely on Su Guogong's private residence? They're on his fucking courtyard roof, your honour. My "always thinking 3 steps ahead" spymaster would never.

Wen Ji is a fucking idiot - but ngl the way he helped a drugged Shijie to lift his arm when he was trying to point indignantly - and then told him "You're welcome" - made me laugh.

Jiuyue: "Find Xiao Heng!" Throws antidote to paralysed Shijie.

Shijie: Watches antidote sail serenely past his paralysed arms and land on the ground

Jiuyue: "Why didn't you catch it?"

Shijie:

I died!! 😂😂

[bookishtheaterlover7]

You are a weirdo. GET MENTAL HELP. You are obsessed and stalking a man who DOESNT know you. //

HELLO anon, Megan and team, and most importantly CHRIS. Hi.

This is the hatred YOU all are pushing towards the only real fans CE has left.

People who believe your brainwash Narrative and support the racist duo, telling fans to get mental health help for seeing your shitshow for the reality it is.

IRONIC, considering one side of your couple used to be such an activist for anxiety and mental health. Guess nothing matters when money is involved, GOT IT. WE understand who he is now. Successful PR campaign.

How does it feel? That money in your pockets feel good right now? It will never be fuller than the guilt your consciences will give you for the way you've treated and forcibly INVOLVED a whole fandom of innocent people to YOUR OWN mental games, to SELL a fuckshit show, who are now being blamed for everything, being told they are mentally ill, and gaslighting what is the TRUTH anyway.

Y'all are NASTY. Beyond nasty. I hope all your businesses rot. I hope your projects fail. I hope none of you get recognized for anything other than the abusers you are.

I hope 2024, the year of Karma, treats you accordingly.

I'm sharing this one, because there are WAY too many blogs on here, calling every PR blog and Mod insane, because we choose to believe something different...

Okay, fine. Whatever. The thing is, I don't really care about what you have to say, anymore. I'm saying my part, the GP sees what y'all clearly don't, so I'll take that as a win.

I won't stoop as low as you all do, because honestly it's sad how you're all the same. Resorting to insulting words, using the same words everytime.

And one thing I learned in life, you can't change minds, or force your beliefs on anyone, so it's best for you to adjust instead. And that means not giving any fucks about those other blogs.

And P.S. you can call me all those vile things, because like I said, I've had way worse. And I've got a life outside of y'all, not that any of you care, since y'all see one post and then jump to the conclusion of us being insane 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 . And that's not something I need to prove.

Besides, I'm going to answer all the different asks that's against her, and by extension, him. Because one thing none of y'all could ever understand is the catharsis that comes with screaming and venting out frustrations, something I'm sick of explaining to you close minded people.

Anyway, respect to the person who's actually not a coward to hide behind anon, but respectfully, as I can to someone who supports and condones her actions. Get off my blog.

As for this An🫶n, they're so right. This Fandom is so fucked up over this. And Hate Anons don't bother sending in your hate messages, because so much energy is wasted on y'all. And if y'all are going to continue sending hate, maybe y'all should be the ones getting professional help 🤔

Until next time!

🫶Booky

P.P.S. I don't really care if you miss out on my fics. You're blocked, because I don't want to be drained by your toxicity. I've done that to evil Mods, and I will do it to children, who resort to school yard taunts, instead of growing a pair and acting like an adult. ❤️

[knights-of-the-glittery-table]

I'm 3 sessions into only 6 sessions of bereavement counselling and if you could be graded on it I'd be failing.

My grief cannot be separated from my mental health, they were sewn together with ugly red stitches many years ago and to try and cleanly put the two into different piles would be a fool's errand.

I've been a wounded animal limping along with a trail of blood following my every step for nearly half of my years on this Earth and to try and concentrate on the loss of family suffered just opens a hundred other doors on things that need to be said, to be shared.

I lost my granddad at 14, grandma at 15, dad at 16 and mum at 20 and then have had 13 years of trauma on top of the familial losses and I know like in my session today and the two previous that I can't work through what I've been through and go through every day in six sessions.

It is in no way my feeling on the world at large because I can't bear to think that way but genuinely through personal experience I have been taught again and again that kindness is conditional. People will offer me help or say 'get in touch if you need to' or 'if you need anything just call or text' but it's only ever as long as it doesn't interfere with what they are up, if it's on a weekday within business hours or often something they just said to appease their own conscience when being faced with someone severely mentally ill and alone. (i.e. 'well I said they could ask me if they needed something so I am a good person')

I understand it but it doesn't make it any easier. Last week when I wasa very unwell I rang the GP just for some support and reassurance and they said 'If I felt worse to call back' and two days later I did call back only to have unfortunately called at midday on what was a half day for the surgery and the doctor had already left. The receptionist told me on the call if the GP had left I'd get a call the next day instead then five minutes after I rang off I got a text message to say the doctor had in fact left for the day but they'd call me on the already arranged appointment made when I first spoke to them which was unfortunately 5 days away. A long time to wait.

And that's how life is for me.

Every person from all these organisations, charities, volunteers and staff at the GP surgery that I have ever had a good relationship have all left at some point. Either they're changing jobs, their amount of time with me is at an end, funding runs out, I'm too ill for what their resources can do- I can't gain a meaningful attachment to a person because everyone in my life dies or leaves, either in an abrupt fashion or their help fizzles out to nothing.

It's demoralising and does nothing to help me feel as if I matter no matter how many times I hear the words from mental health crisis nurses on the phone or read the phrase on cute posters.

And this is the people who have shown a kindness and just as important, an understanding of what I've been through and mental illness as a whole even if they aren't medically qualified. It's unfortunate but the people who have let me down, been outright cruel, ignorant, unbelievably lacking in empathy or common sense half the time far outweigh the good. The amount of times I've been in tears from words coming from the mouths of supposed medical professionals including mental health fields, volunteers for mental health organisations and a lot of charities outside of that niche, family members, friends of my family, strangers like taxi drivers or workers at the DWP (department of works and pensions), it's baffling.

Five off the top of my head:

Woman whose job was literally to deal with patients with mental illness and be a go between the patient and the doctor (finding support for them also like charities and therapies) who when I had to inform her I didn't have any one local at all said 'Aw, well that's bad isn't it because when you're really suffering you want someone there, don't you?' - 13 years alone has taught me that reassurance and support are the most important thing for me and in those 13 years I've never had anyone there to physically be here so it was pretty much like shoving a knife into my flesh on top of it just being wildly insensitive and obvious. (This was this year, around May. The woman also got very defensive when I told her how her previous remarks including the above hurt me and said 'Well you come in here saying I hurt your feelings well you could be hurting mine by saying that to me')

Volunteer at a charity who was a befriender, I was cutting crosses into the bottom of brussel sprouts in her kitchen and she went to leave to go do something in another room and said to me in a jovial jokey tone 'Don't go using that knife on your wrists now!'

Head of pychiatrics at the hospital who blatantly talked over me as I was explaining what I was going through to say 'You're telling me what you can't do, tell me what you CAN do' then gave the advice of practice waiting at bus stops to help my agoraphobia.

Woman who was supposed to be a wellness coach that got fed up of my being full of grief as our sessions fell in the November/December period and actually ended our time together a good 4 or 5 sessions early and cited how she couldn't set goals for me or get stuck into the plan she'd created because she had had to go easy on me and just let me talk and do some self care things instead. This especially hurt as I thought we'd been getting along well.

My aunt who emails me and is the only one in the entire family who keeps in touch (as sporadically as it is) decided to tell me in a very long email a week before christmas two years ago that my mum had known she was going to die but told everyone not to tell me. All my mum ever did even when she was very poorly was worry about me and want to look after me, I feel no anger, confusion or any negative emotion towards her for that decision. What I do feel anger about is the fact my aunt never had to tell me this, it would not change a single thing or make my life better. What it did was alleviate her of the guilt of having kept that piece of info back for so many years. And of course there is no good time to tell someone that but 7 days before christmas? Bravo. Well done. Full points.

I have 13 years of constant interactions like these. I have no real positive interactions, no trust gained and kept. Nothing. I genuinely have no idea why or how I keep going, I just am.

It's just so wild that I watched the four people I was around the most decline dramatically, suffer indignity and be treated awfully and die in pain then immediately be catapulted into neglect, mistreatment and complete ignorance all while being polite and acting as if I'm doing fine because if you show one sliver of your illness people go silent and don't know what to do or fuck off entirely. You learn to flick a switch, I did it this morning at the end of the session.

Just delving into all this shit and then the guy said time was nearly up and I immediately quell my tears, straighten my tone and fall into a pleasing receptionist voice saying 'That's OK. Yes next week is fine, I hope you have a nice afternoon.' and he laughed clearly surprised and I said 'Sorry, I flipped the switch.' and he said 'I have to admit you're very professional with it.'

I mentioned to him how also most of the time I'd hope people who go through talking therapy of any kind, after tearing open all these wounds they have people there, loved ones be it friends or family to help them through it be it just being there, a hug or maybe taking them out for a walk or making them a meal.

I don't have that, after every session of general talking therapy and this bereavement counselling I am left entirely alone in my home, just me and the wounds I've torn open. Just sitting there with them bleeding freely again, no-one to help bandage me up and too deep to bury again quickly when it took a decade of festering and healing not quite right at all in ugly zig zag lines to at least get by and pretend for the sake of the outside world that I can be talked to and dealt with without suddenly bursting into tears or acting mentally ill and putting them off.

Feeling very jaded and despondent, I don't think anyone could be surprised by it.

It isn't the horrifying anxiety drowning where I NEED someone here, some reassurance (again, never had that in 13 years) but it's just the heavy weight of being through so much and doing 'everything correctly' with nothing to show for it.

November 11th was the day mum passed away, here at home in her bed in utter agony and high off morphine to try and manage the pain so entirely out of it and the day I was left alone in so many ways even though there were other people like nurses and a doctor in the room and my aunt out on the landing so it's the worst day of the year for me. It's even worse than December 25th.

Mum's birthday was a very rough one this year (8th Oct) and all I can do is hope November doesn't tear me to pieces like the 8th did because I promise you I don't know how much more surviving I have left in me before I lose it for good.

[jozzysabbath]

OZZY OSBOURNE announces his retirement from the stage

February 1, 2023

Two years ago, the iconic Ozzy Osbourne told the British newspaper Daily Mirror that he would never retire. "Do you know the time when I will retire? When I can hear them closing the lid on my coffin! Then, fuck it. I'll do an encore!" he emphasized. "I am the Prince of Darkness," he added at the time. However, unfortunately the Madman was forced to change his plans due to the current conditions of his health. In the early hours of this Wednesday (01), through his social networks, Ozzy announced his retirement from the stage:

"This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to share with my loyal fans," Ozzy lamented in the caption of his announcement, which reads:

"As you all may know, four years ago this (same) month, I had a major accident where I damaged my spine.

My only purpose during that time was to get back on stage. My singing voice is fine. However, after three operations, stem cell treatments, endless physical therapy sessions, and most recently the innovative Cybernetic Treatment (HAL), my body is still physically weak.

Honestly, I am humbled by the way you have patiently held your tickets for all this time, but in good conscience, I now realize that I am not physically able to make my upcoming European/British tour dates, as I know I could not handle the necessary travel. Believe me when I say that the thought of disappointing my fans really fucks me up more than you will ever know.

I never would have imagined that my touring days would have ended this way. My team is currently getting ideas of where I can perform without having to travel from city to city and country to country.

I want to thank my family, my band, my staff, my longtime friends, Judas Priest, and of course my fans for their endless dedication, loyalty and support, and for giving me the life I never dreamed I would have. I love you all.

Recently, Ozzy spoke in an interview on SiriusXM Ozzy's Boneyard about how terrible it has been living with the pain in his spine: "It's really horrible what's happening. It's a nightmare. Sometimes I forget. I'm lying on the couch, I go to get up and I can't. My sense of balance is all over the place. My sense of balance is all over the place. I have physical therapy and am trying to do things on my own. The progress is... Fucking hell, you have no idea," lamented the Madman, who currently walks by leaning on a cane. "The thing is, my head is fine, my creativity is fine, my singing is fine, but I just can't walk much right now," he said. "But I'm determined to be back on stage, even if I'm nailing it to a board with wheels on it.

In this interview Ozzy still seemed excited and confident about the possibility of getting back on stage: "I still have a full tank. I'm determined to get back on stage again. I'm still recovering and I have a goal. And my goal is to get back on stage. It is the driving force in me. I miss my audience. I miss doing shows. I miss my crew. I miss my band. I miss the whole thing," he added. "My family has been very good. I'm the man of the house, but I've never been so bedridden in my life," he concluded.

As is well known, Ozzy is living with Parkinson's Disease, but in addition he has been dealing with problems with his vertebrae, something that forced him to undergo a series of surgeries in the second half of 2022. According to Sharon Osbourne, his wife and manager, the surgery would determine "what his life will be like from now on. Ozzy Osbourne's health has been in trouble since 2003, when the legendary original Black Sabbath singer crashed his quad while touring his mansion in London.

Unfortunately, by greater forces, we are witnessing the end of an era. The closing of one of the most important and pioneering chapters in the history of heavy metal. One of the fathers of heavy music, Ozzy Osbourne gave us the gift of his work with Black Sabbath and continued with a beautiful solo career. Like the warrior that he is, he still worked hard to release two last studio albums, Ordinary Man (2020) and Patient Number 9 (2022). Although it is clear that the Madman is no longer able to travel, we hope that he will at least be able, if possible, to continue releasing new music, because it will be hard to live with his absence from the music scene. However, if Patient Number 9 was really the last album of the Prince of Darkness, we can only thank and applaud him for all his contributions to heavy metal. Thanks for everything Ozzy...❤

[amnotaqueen]

Reaching Out For Help From The Congregation

I can't speak for everyone or every case. I can only give my experience and honest personal perception. Other Jehovah's Witnesses may have received the help, assistance, support they needed or that helped them in some way even if not alleviating their problems.

I don't have a sufficient support system. My emotional and psychological state is being ravaged everyday. The stress is taking a massive toll. There isn't anyone (besides my mom who knows the truth of my situation) I am close to who could or would support me. I actually had come into contact with a spiritual sister who I explained my situation to. She happened to know a sister who was married to a narcissist. I thought getting in contact with someone who could actually understand and sympathize with me might be good as we could offer emotional support for each other. After all, most other women in the congregation have husbands capable of loving them so they don't have a clue what to do or say to help, and would barely believe it if I told them. Well, this sister also married to a narc didn't even want to reach out to me. She is a full time minister or pioneer. I think it was at the urging of the other sister that she even agreed to speak to me. We talked briefly. She was, I guess, just trying to move on with her life and ministry, no time to comfort someone in need or be a friend to someone who needed a friend. She had my number but never called me again. I had called her first because the other sister gave me her number. Sensing that she was not interested in being a friend to me through my narc abuse, I did not call her again. Neither did the sister who arranged our speaking together ever call me back just to check in.

I did speak to an older sister, an elders wife and full time minister. At least she did allow me to talk to her at length. She had some compassion, some empathy especially in regard to my son. She herself is an independent woman, she said, and she would not be able to tolerate his abusiveness. I feel like a bother to keep talking to her about things that come up because, like she said, the solution is to not tolerate abuse. I'm currently not in a position to leave.

Sisters don't seem to like neediness. I guess that's understandable, however, who else should you help if not those who NEED it? As Jehovah's Witnesses, we regularly try to help others to learn the Bible and understand its truths. We go uninvited to people's homes and chat them up on the streets to help them. They haven't even asked for help. Some of them don't even want our help. We are commanded to help others in this way by Jesus. We are also commanded to love and help one another. But it seems like maybe there is more glory or satisfaction in finding people to study the Bible with than in helping an already baptized sister in need.

I told another sister in the congregation I was in about having marriage troubles. This sister had a son with special needs as well, so I thought we had at least some common ground to build a friendship upon even if she herself had a loving marriage. After I told her, she really started avoiding me. I had reached out to her by text to tell her she gave a good talk one time, so it wasn't like all I ever said to her was complaining about my marriage. She never texted me or called me. I got the message and also stopped trying to reach out to her at the meetings or by phone. After a while, a few weeks if not months, she did come up to hug me one day at the meeting. Probably after a Watchtower lesson had stirred her conscience. She didn't ask me anything or express concern. It kind of felt like she knew she had dismissed me and was trying to maybe make herself feel better about it. I didn't know how to take it. I had accepted already that she did not wish to engage in friendship with someone with my issues, and that was her prerogative. I left it at that.

I texted a different sister to see if she could help me. I told her how my husband was unloving and unkind to me. I said maybe if she could invite him for dinner with her and her husband, he could get a chance to sit and see how a loving married couple interacts with each other, no put downs, no insults, saying things that build the other up. First, she texted back that she was flattered by my finding her worthy to assist. She said she would check with her husband. I texted that if they couldn't, I understood. So I waited for her to get back to me and tell me if she and her husband were willing to help out. She never got back to me. Didn't respond again by text, nor in person. She avoided me at the Kingdom Hall. Her husband, though, would come up to me smiling to shake my hand and ask me how I was doing. That's it. He had to know already that I wasn't doing great based on the request I had made of his wife. They didn't want to help in the way I suggested and didn't offer any of their own ideas about how they could offer support. The least she could have done was to get back to me after speaking with her husband.

So, for the most part, the sisters want to mind their own business, in my case. There is no friend 'sticking closer than a brother 'for me. There was the time I was in a particularly sad state due to my marriage stress and the elders were aware. One day, one of the elder's wives came to me as I was sitting in my vehicle outside the kingdom hall. She gave me a nice bouquet of flowers in a vase. I smiled and asked her what it was for. She told me it was because I was her friend. Well, I thought, we have been in the same congregation for years and she had not given me flowers before or talked to me. Why were we all of a sudden friends so that she would bring me flowers? The reason she was making an effort was because her husband, the elder, asked her to do. Sister so and so is having a hard time, doesn't have any friends it seems. Can you maybe reach out to her? That's fine, a good thing to do. However, sometimes efforts like that fail when the interest seems contrived and doesn't come off as a genuine desire to be close to someone. It was like a perfunctory act of service, her elder husband asked her to do it.

Other sisters have minimized what I'm telling them is going on. They try to explain it away based on their own marriage experience with their own husbands. I told One sister how my husband doesn't assist me with anything and doesn't want to help me with anything. This sister was like, yeah sometimes I feel like I have to do everything myself. My husband doesn't even know I need help because I don't even ask him for help when I could. She was saying her husband doesn't help her either because she doesn't ask for help. I thought to myself, well my husband knows I need help and chooses not to help, I ask all the time. I quickly realized that trying to explain to a sister who can't fathom the reality of the neglect I face in my marriage at the hands of my husband was pointless. It would always be my fault or just some misunderstanding on my part because it couldn't possibly be as bad as I'm making it out to be. The sisters like to tell you your dress is pretty, and ask you how you're doing, but not many want to really know how you are doing if you have to tell them about the narcissistic abuse you suffer from a believing brother. I dread people asking me how I'm doing. I can't tell the truth, they will just avoid me. I'm not supposed to lie either, but I end up saying that I'm ok even though I'm not close to being ok. The sisters will invite you in service and on a Bible study. Not many take into account that years of psychological, emotional abuse and stress leaves a person in diminished mental capacity, ie they are not as sharp as you might think and therefore may be embarrassed and hesitant for others to see their diminished state in the ministry. Keep in mind that I have a special needs son and caring for him is added stress. I cringed at the idea of trying to join them in field service while I had my son. And it was difficult to try to fit service in with them while my son was in school, hoping the school didn't call me to pick him up.

The elders are interested in preserving the marriage, getting folks to stay married. They are not about protecting a victim. They sometimes don't come across compassionate towards a victims suffering. And it seems like, if there is no physical abuse, then there isn't any real damage being done. The elders actually came to speak to my husband and I today. Shepherding call. I felt bad after the shepherding call. I know they intend to help. They all say they love me as well as my husband. However, they didn't want to let me speak much so that they can get a clear idea of what is going on.

They asked my husband if he loved me. Do you think my husband answered honestly and said no? Do you think he would say to them that he actually married me just to get US citizenship? They assumed that he was answering truthfully. They believe both parties in a marriage are 50/50 percent responsible for a marriage failing. They said that my marriage was failing because both I and my husband were not willing to apply Bible principles. I disagreed. I said it only takes one spouse to refuse to follow Bible principles to ruin a marriage. I said it is my husband alone who is not willing to follow Bible principles. On their visits, he fakes like he wants to apply but later in his dealings nothing changes, or it may change for short period so brothers think he is doing right and until I reach out again, no one even knows about our marriage issues. And I can sense that they don't like it when I reach out to them. I've been begging the entire 10 years of our marriage for my husband to work with me in applying Bible principles.

They can't take sides. They don't care who the victim may be. The victim should suck it up and stay in the marriage, continue to put up with anything (outside of adultery) and apply Bible principles. When accusations that were made against me were false, I was discouraged from telling the truth in defense of myself. My emphatic, passionate tone, and elevated voice was read by them as not having Holy Spirit. I said, generally I'm not loud. My voice was elevated because of the extreme distress I have been under and frustration at not being able to get all the facts out.

I was told I was a right fighter. I just wanted to be right, when I wanted to reply to accusations made against me that were inaccurate. I've stayed in a marriage with a man who didn't care that I didn't want any more children, who insisted that despite my older age and our marriage problems that he wanted more kids. I begged and pleaded with him to be reasonable. He demanded I get off birth control, shrugged his shoulders at my fears and tears, and didn't care that I didn't have health insurance. I agreed to get off birth control, to keep him happy, thinking maybe it would save our marriage. Maybe he would see the sacrifice I was making and would be more kind to me. I allowed myself to be denied to save our marriage ( and this was even after he had a girlfriend). So the implication that I just want to be right and just want to end my marriage, and am not trying cut me to the core. They don't know how many years I have been in intense despair and full blown grief just thinking about how my marriage was crumbling and I couldn't save it because my husband refuses to work with me to save it. They don't know, because I was hardly allowed to speak, that I have literally begged my husband to work with me, to stop hurting me to no avail. They don't know he has laughed at my attempts to stay with him. I was made to feel like I should be ashamed of myself for not being able or willing to endure the emotional torture I'm going through. Maybe they are right. I don't have holy spirit and that is why I can't endure it any longer. It's been 10 years. I've spoken with the elders before many times and I really had no interest in talking to them again for these very reasons. I'm in a room with 3 men. Two are trying to help. One is married to me and only cares about how he looks. None of them are particularly caring about my emotional state in the moment.

Basically, in this marriage, I expect to die. If I don't get out, assuming my husband doesn't change,( which experts on narcissism say it's 99.99 % likely that no change will happen) then Im going to die. I'm becoming more and more accepting of it everyday. The injuries caused to me are minimized. If you are not punched or beaten to have broken bones, then they don't see it as extreme abuse. Extreme abuse is being punched with a fist. I don't know how much longer my body and brain will function under this type of long term stress. My immune system and cognitive abilities are diminishing. How can I function as an effective minister with failing cognitive abilities? How can I work to earn sufficient income with failing cognitive abilities, decreased ability to focus. Decreased memory. How much longer can I be a good mom with failing cognitive abilities?I was told that I must think my husband is apostate. I told them I think he is a false Christian. Sometimes speaking truth hurts you. The fire continues to burn. Let it burn. I can't control that.

All day, everyday in our home for years my voice doesn't count and has been silenced. My feelings squashed. My hopes demolished. I'm not heard. My husband doesn't want to hear me. The elders don't want to hear me out fully. Most of the sisters don't want to hear me. This platform lets me speak. As you can see, I have a lot to say but no one to say it to. I could tell a therapist in one hour blocks, but how would I pay for that?

[sharonisthebettercarter]

*WARNING*/*potential SCAMMER*

hey y'all, i just want to take a moment to talk about this because it's pretty absurd.

while i have promoted and praised this person in the past, i feel it's important/responsible to amend that with a proper *disclaimer* because i *think* they might be a scammer/trying to scam people.

i'm gonna start by saying i *have* bought from them successfully before. 3 times in fact (i think all together something like 70ish dollars spent? it was from some things they have/had available on boosty) and i still think they're a good artist, so if you do like them and want to support them *safely*, their boosty *should* be fine for that.

however, the problem came from when i *tried* to actually commission them full on. i just can't in good conscience recommend anyone commission them with the way they behaved about it as they either don't understand what commissions are/what appropriate professional behavior/etiquette is for them or are trying to scam people. i'd like to think it's the former rather than the latter, but the experience was unpleasant to say the least--keep in mind, i've also had artists just not respond to me when they don't want my business and i'd honestly prefer that to whatever the hell this was.

i reached out to check in on how they were doing, update them on the progress i had regarding the fic inspired by their work (nothing big since they've left the fandom, just a mention that it was progressing well) and because i finally had some commission ideas (i had mentioned in passing before that i wanted to commission them but didn't have any solid ideas for it/i can be very indecisive).

i also specified my situation--which included exactly when i would have the money ready for the commission (i'm disabled, so this is a bit strict for me but very regular and i specified this *at least* 3 times. maybe a mistake to reach out sooner to begin with, but i figured we were so close to the date and wanted to get the details of the commission out/understood/agreed upon/solid first so that i would know the exact price i'd be paying and what i'd be getting. i do know this is supposed to take time and effort on both parties.)

they responded nicely at first, but a little strangely/venting. some commission things discussed which gave me more to think about/ideas. the venting part didn't seem like a big deal at the time to me (we had a bit of an informal sorta friendship thing from the time i reached out to them with the gift fic) so i responded like i normally do. trying to be nice and understanding/supportive.

since they did give me a lot to think about with the original commission idea (first plan was a really big one--would need to be split up, done in parts/saved up for over several months--i would update when i was ready--they even told me i had time to think about it but we did manage to discuss that one a bit, if it being a little weird) i decided to set that idea aside as i got a newer/much simpler idea.

nothing big. just courage the cowardly dog.

i wanted him smiling while holding up a portrait frame, like he was getting a portrait painted. so very simple, fits in their TOS and everything (at least at the time). i relayed that idea in full and asked them what they thought. i even did the math myself for the price and also reiterated when i'd have the money ready to send.

however, the response i got was... weird.

they did more light venting, which okay. rough days, everyone has those and they had the habit, i was there, y'know? it's a bit of pressure/triggering on me but no big deal. i bore with that. this one was especially hard for me because they put in a 'joke' about taking their own life. (i was pretty triggered by this but responded with as much compassion and care as i could give because that is extreme/took priority to me, we'll def come back to their response to me about this)

but they also... completely ignored the courage idea.

me being a dumbass thought, 'oh okay, no big deal, i'm sure they just missed it/forgot' so i ask again.

this is just *part* of their response (verbatim/copy pasted):

"Sorry ofc I can't tell you what to do as a customer but damn I don't want to draw that small nervous dog it gives me unpleasant feelings… I have to get people on my side with certain tastes and such drawings like this most often attract some pretty weirdos lmao. I really have seen such examples and I don't want that. I need comms more "sexy" if you get what I mean. On the spooky season you can choose a lot of other things for example xeno stuff or cool dudes/girls from horror movies."

so... they basically admitted to completely ignoring me and attempting to veer the convo so they could *manipulate* me to pay for something *they* wanted to draw--to build a 'brand' so to speak. instead of just being honest and saying 'no thanks'? this was also the same response they claimed they were 'just joking' about literally hurting themself.

i don't take issue with artists being upfront about not liking or being uncomfortable with drawing something, even if it's not in the TOS because sometimes things get missed. that much is fair. if you don't want to draw what i want to buy, oh well. we can't reach an agreement and that's that, we move on.

however, i do take issue with artists not being transparent with their TOS/trying to use customers to springboard a specific 'brand' by manipulating/coercing them into buying shit they don't actually want. that is incredibly abusive and gross, customers don't *owe* you their business (this is coming from someone who generally takes the artists side/wants to believe in art but artists are people too and there are def a lot of scummy/unprofessional ones out there)

i especially take issue with being called a 'weirdo' for liking things like 'courage the cowardly dog' and getting my ideas disrespected to the point where they aren't even worth you *telling* me you don't want to do them--until i bring it up again. (and to give more context, we had actually discussed courage long before and they told me they *liked* him! i didn't even ask for him 'nervous' or scared which just proves they weren't reading shit of what i wrote about the commissions)

let's be clear here, we're all 'weirdos' on this hellsite.

but another thing to note.

'commissions' are not a 'self gratification' job where you take a donation, pump out whatever and expect the customer to be 'honored' with it. they are a discussed and agreed upon *fair exchange* that is *supposed* to benefit and satisfy both parties.

for commissions and anything made to order--an artist's 'power' over their customers starts and *ends* with the TOS. after that, your customer becomes your 'boss' because you are providing them with a *service*. commissions and custom orders *are customer service jobs*. disregarding your customer means you run the risk of getting into *legal trouble*, coercing someone into paying for something they don't actually want is extortion. if you think business isn't going to run smoothly or you don't want to do the job or even just don't think you'll do it very well, *don't take the commission*--but don't ever try to *manipulate* your customer or act *entitled* to their money/business.

now granted, you (the artist) can back out at any time if you aren't happy with the way a customer treats you or any other reason, *but so can the customer*. and this is only *before* payments are made--post payment can be more complicated. (*luckily* i did not get this far cause jesus christ...)

if you aren't good with customer service/communication, the recommendation then is to hire a liaison/middle man who *is* (if it can be afforded, otherwise expect to have to adapt/lose a lot of customers)

i'm not including everything here (i do have copies of our full conversation for anyone who wants to verify in case you were thinking about commissioning them, i'm not saying it can't be done, but just be warned given my experience. maybe i'm a one off because they just secretly hated me or something but it's worth noting i think.)

they also specified they didn't want to talk about life stuff anymore, just the commissions--which okay, no problem, right? there was an element to this that was weird and i'll get to that in a moment.

i went a *single* day without responding.

i was dealing with medical issues (again, disabled), having a very bad day, and didn't want to take it out on them or put it into the response, so i gave myself a day or two to cool off and prevent that (trying to be more conscious of emotional responses/have better self control).

a single (1) day.

common sense alone should tell you *a lot* can happen in a single day.

but they responded again (before i could)

this time with an *accusation* that i had 'never planned to commission them' and that i just wanted to waste their time with 'chit chat', and that if i wanted to the commission, i would have *already* sent them the money.

bear in mind they literally have zero proof to even suggest this (i was supposed to be their first client *allegedly* so no prior experience with anything like that, just pure impatience and assumption--unless they have scared away customers before?), and i'm going to take a moment to debunk the claim but let's get it straight first.

they:

rejected my (courage) idea without telling me (at first)

tried to ignore it and manipulate me into choosing something else (twice)

refused to discuss or finalize any finer details of the commission, such as what the piece is (subject, coloring, props, background, etc. as per their own TOS) price, etc. so we could have a clear understanding of *what* i was even paying for and *how much*--so keep in mind, this was *not* clarified (but the money needed to be in their account for them to start already, what?)

refused to answer any questions or concerns i had about the commission (honestly, i'm just convinced they didn't read any of it)

are now accusing me of not actually wanting the commission and just 'wasting their time'.

and demanding a nondisclosed amount of my money for a nondisclosed commission (*literally* as in they would not confirm a price or what they were planning on drawing--they even *changed* prices mid-talk and didn't want to give me time to recalculate/decide what i want. and again, i specified the exact date i would have the money available--if you think this much was my mistake, fair enough, but it 100% proves they didn't bother actually reading much of what i wrote because i mentioned this *multiple* times.)

after a *single* day of no response.

WOW.

so let me start by addressing the 'i just wanted someone to talk to claim' because it's unfathomably *narcissistic*. (excuse me for getting triggered again, survivor of narcissistic abuse here--shit is too recognizable for me now)

it not only completely disregards that i *literally* have bought from them before (multiple times, i was a repeat customer at this point), it also seems to *center* them in my life and assume i literally have *no one else* to talk to?? like WHAT?? i'm sorry? i spent *MONTHS* not talking to them (and talking to *other* people (that i adore<3) in my life that can fulfill my social needs plenty fine, thank you very much), why *out of the blue* would i *suddenly* 'want to waste their time'???

i'm going to share something i haven't with them. i *debated* reaching out to them at all because our last conversations left a very nasty taste in my mouth.

the fic (original post of this rb) inspired by the pic they made was one we had discussed at length, and i gave a lot of leniency with what they wanted since it was inspired by them/i wanted to push/challenge myself to tackle some themes i knew i might not otherwise.

they *begged* me not to abandon this fic. as of yet, i have no plans to. i'm having fun and i'm being reminded of how much i loved writing.

but then they abandoned the fandom, like the whole thing--and i don't and *still* don't blame them for that. i understand how bad fandoms and fandom fatigue can get, but boy was the feeling of being given direction for an *entire ass fic* and then being told essentially 'i'm bored of this' incredibly *offputting*.

but i thought, 'fuck it', these things happen, bit the bullet. wanted to commission them and reached out. they also kept reiterating 'only commission' 'only commission' after, idk, the heat got too hot/personable on life stuff?? (this is also why i'm not sharing all this stuff here out in the open) *but then they literally ignored me multiple times about commission stuff and wouldn't finalize anything*

after the accusation, it became pretty clear they were just using me or *trying* to, as a means to get a quick buck for whatever the fuck they wanted to draw on a whim, and as a *trauma/drama dump*.

this was the response *i* had to their accusation btw (again, copy paste verbatim):

"wow. that's a random accusation that makes no sense. no actually, i was dealing with medical issues. but you don't want to hear about that. so. what commission are you talking about? what price or details did we actually discuss or finalize? you kept brushing off *any* actual discussion about the commission and ignoring anything i tried to bring up, including what i wanted in favor of your own ideas. what do you plan to draw cause i sure as hell don't know, and i have no plans to pay for a random mystery commission of your choosing. you told me 'no, i don't want to do courage'. and also straight up insulted me and called me a 'weirdo' for wanting him. now you're accusing me. you also kept trying to debate and manipulate me to just pay for something *you* want to draw. which i'm sorry? but no thank you. i don't want anything 'sexy' right now. that's also not how commissions work and feels incredibly scammy. it's a customer *service* job in which you listen to what i want and acknowledge me as another human--not 'convince me to fund your brand building and random drawing whims and demand my money' job you've made it perfectly clear you aren't interested in my business which just means i have to look somewhere else--oh well. but i don't think you're actually interested in doing commissions at all. this is not professional or 'serious business' behavior, you literally threw a tantrum because i didn't respond for a day/do what you wanted. :/ i've supported you in the past but i can't support you trying to scam people. you aren't entitled to my or anyone's money and i will absolutely warn people about you if i have to."

to which of course, they did the classic *double down* instead of take any accountability for their own actions, blame/accuse me again, and blocked me (i guess they thought i was bluffing when i said i'd warn people?? but no, def not. i take shit like this pretty seriously and always think it's important for people to be as informed as possible.)

sure, maybe i could have been a little nicer but i thought i was clear, concise, and to the point (unlike that disaster of an attempt at discussing commissions with them.)

y'all, don't go out of your way to vilify or harass anyone. never do that. i think it's pretty obvious here that they were wildly unprofessional (the trauma dumping and then blaming me for it/trying to disregard it especially, i'll come back to that 'joke' in a moment cause that was... :() about this but i still do want to give them the benefit of the doubt while letting people know my experience with this attempt i guess.

i reached out to them out of kindness, and things didn't work out, but they're still a person. at best, maybe one who's still a little too immature for this/maybe with some toxic habits--but they can (ideally/hopefully) grow out of it.

at worst, they're a scammer who would have *tried* to take my money and run--i'd like to think the stuff i've bought before is evidence to the contrary, but the truth is that i don't know them that well and there *are* artists out there who also turn out to be scammers--the two are unfortunately, not mutually exclusive. i thought we hit it off and became fast friends when i first made the gift fic but i guess the feeling wasn't mutual.

i thought i was being compassionate and nice but i'm realizing i was probably just enabling them trauma dumping on me, so my bad on that front.

and regarding the trauma dumping and 'joke'. it's one thing because we were a little bit more familiar with one another due to the whole gift fic/chats we had prior. i myself am a fan of morbid and self deprecating humor.

but it is *not* appropriate or fair to the other person (much less a potential client) to drop not so subtle hints or bombshell 'jokes' regarding mental health (much less about *unaliving* yourself), and then try to brush them off when they show you concern/empathy or just try to treat you as a human being. that is *literally* just trauma dumping, and it's not funny--much less for someone who could get *triggered* by it (and you never know with clientele/strangers on the internet, this is literally what trigger warnings/tags are for)

artists? don't ever try to pull this shit. any of it. just don't. make sure everything is clear and concise, give your customer a voice and make them feel welcome. have things written out, fully decided and *agreed* on *before* payment is sent (this includes estimates for how long it will take, subject matter of work, references if needed, details, price, etc. literally everything.) and keep your clients *updated* on both the pic(send wips)/situations if they come up (like if files get lost).

potential customers of artists? don't tolerate bullshit like this. no trauma dumping, no manipulation, no entitlement. don't ever let an artist bully you into buying from them, i don't care what the circumstance, that's not and never will be okay. if you can't come to an agreement or feel pressured--walk away. it's your money, *you* decide how you spend it.

for commissions, the artist's job is to *earn* it.

TL;DR: artist didn't want to do my commission idea--but still wanted my money/kept trying to coerce/manipulate me for it.

i will be going ahead and adding links to this where i think it's appropriate to warn people (like on my fic). it was still a gift and i'll stand by that, but idk. i guess i don't want to regret my own kindness, even if it was to a shitty person/possible scammer because i can't control other people, y'know?

*but i can def warn people.*

stay safe out there, please<3

UMMMMMMMM...

so... i wrote another thing.

inspired by this beautiful amazing incredible wonderful awesome gorgeous lovely terrific fantastic fabulous super cool masterful art piece linked below~<3<3<3

by @darunyama

go like the pic and support this lovely amazing beautiful wonderful incredible awesome terrific gorgeous fantastic fabulous super cool masterful artist<3

they say a picture's worth a thousand words... WHOLLY DISAGREE--

these were worth SO MUCH fucking MOAR~<3

;)))))))))))))))))))))));))));)))))))))))))))));))))))))));))))))))))))))))))))));)));));)))))))))))))))));)));))))))))))))));))))))))));))))));)))))))));))))))))))))))))))))))))));)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))));)))))))));)));)));))))))))))))))))))));))));))))))))))))))))));)))))))))));)))))))))))))));))))));))))))));)));)))));))));)))))))));)))))))))))))))));)))))))))))));)))))));)))))))))))))))))));))))

lmao i'm so sorry boo, i just could not for the life of me get this one outta my head, so after much internal struggle and mild laziness~ my hands just got to work and birthed the monstrosity above (do hope you at least like it tho<3)

thanks so SO much for arting~<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3