#and they never even send a card for Christmas or call on her birthday … so there’s a lot of mixed emotions there for her and me by extension | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sp0o0kylights · 2 months ago

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Steve Harrington, who has a very “in name only” relationship with his parents, the people who claim they love him lots but have simply given him cash for his last six birthdays without bothering to send a card.

Steven Harrington, who lost his connection to the only adults in his life who actually parented him when he had his final fight with Tommy and Carol-- not that they ever really did that much. Having an adult put a bandaid on his knee and complimenting him for being tough was plenty enough.

Steve Harrington, who drove Dustin and co. to the Byers house that one Christmas and was told by Hopper not to come in; that Joyce was still mad at him about the ‘demodog in the fridge’ and figured his exclusion was fair--it wasn’t like Hopper actually liked him. Joyce certainly had no reason to. It wasn’t like he was doing anything for Christmas anyways.

Steve Harrington, who is fairly certain Robin’s parents have clocked her as queer but who still treats him in that careful way many parents do when he’s hanging around their daughter. There’s a barrier there, in the way of firm handshakes and “get her back safe”’s that keep things formal. (It’s never bothered him before, and he swears it doesn’t bother him now.)

Steve Harrington, whose relationships with adults are defined by words like “networking”, “proper connections”, “favors”, and “finances”, who has at best been treated like a miniature version of his father and at worst as a spoilt moron, who encounters Wayne Munson and has no idea what to do with the man.

Wayne Munson, who asks him actual questions about his life. Who asks him to watch the game with him. Who calls him “boy” and “son” in ways that sound affectionate and not frustrated. Wayne, who shoos him away from the dishes and compliments his cooking, who has invited Steve over when Eddie isn’t even home.

Steve Harrington, who keeps apologizing to Eddie because “I’m not trying to steal your Uncle man, I promise.” and doesn’t believe Eddie when the latter just laughs at him.

(“You can’t steal Wayne, Steve.” Eddie says with a snicker, when he finally figures out what Steve is apologizing for. The guy apologizes a lot for things that make no sense, it’s a bad habit Eddie’s working on him with. “Though I do believe he has been trying to steal you.”

“Oh.” This does not relieve Steve. In fact, this seems to make him more nervous looking, which Eddie does not want.

“I uh. I don’t want to come between you guys so I guess we can just hang at my house…?” The voice he trails off with is downright painful for Eddie to hear, and he’s already slashing his hand in the air in a wild ‘No’ before Steve can even finish speaking.

“Dude you’re fine. I’m glad you guys are getting along! Wayne needs someone to talk sportsball with and clearly so do you because you keep trying to talk about it to anyone who will listen.”

“I guess if you’re alright with it…”)

Steve Harrington, who allows himself to be adopted by the Munsons much in the way a feral cat lets itself become domesticated, and who starts looking at Wayne like the man hung the moon.

Wayne Munson, who is referred to by Steve as “Dad” exactly once, and feels so fucking happy about it he misses the panic attack Eddie has to talk Steve through.

He also misses that that is the moment when Steve accidentally confesses his feelings to Eddie in the Munson’s (new) cramped bathroom, on grounds that “I can’t date you and also call Wayne dad like that, that’s weird! Isn’t that weird!? It feels weird!”

(“Sweetheart,” Eddie says, trying not to smile and failing entirely. “I get what you’re saying, but I think in your panic you missed something kinda key, there.”)

Steve Harrington, who gets himself an entire family in the end (and gets to both call Wayne “dad” and Eddie as his boyfriend, without issue, because “we’re not related babe, you can call your inlaw whatever you want.”

“Now who's skipping steps? When did we get married?”

“The very second it’s legal, that’s when.”)

--and has never been happier in his life.

#I've been poking at small town rumors #trying to get Wayne to come through #fucking grumpy ass old men are so hard to write #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #0o0 fanfics #stranger things

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liberty-barnes · 2 months ago

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if there was no end

Arthur Leclerc x Female!Reader

Summary: Grieving someone who is not yet death was a special kind of suffering. One that Arthur wouldn't have wished on anyone, but especially not her.

Warnings: heavy heavy angst, mentions of dementia and the future death of a family member, mentions of Hervé's death, grief-induced mental breakdown, hurt/comfort

Word Count: 2k words

Estimated Reading Time: 8 minutes

A/N: fun fact this is actually a true story that is currently happening to me but the difference is that mid mental breakdown I just thought "oh wait this would be an awesome fic" and then this was born. coping through writing iktr (i'm fine promise, therapy's great y'all), anyways hope you enjoy

in happier news, i have officially started writing part 2 to you will not always want to shatter so keep an eye out for that everyone!

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None of it would be so sweet Or so important If there was no end. (Liam Xavier, Welcome to Hell and Other Poems About Adulthood)

Arthur opened the door to their flat and immediately knew something was wrong.

Her keys were in the shell-shaped bowl by the entryway, her shoes neatly lined up on the rack, and her coat hung in its rightful place. So she was home.

But the flat was silent.

No singing along to whatever songs she had on repeat, no voices from a movie or show she’d decided to watch, not even the sound of the shower running.

Just silence.

He toed off his shoes, hung up his coat, and made his way through the apartment. The living room was silent, as were the kitchen and the terrace. The spare room, converted half into her personal library and half into Arthur’s practice room for the piano, showed no signs of life. It was worse than he thought, then. The only time you could find (Y/n) silent in their bedroom in the middle of the day was when she was sick, or…

“Mon ange?”

He knocked on the half-open door, coming in slowly. She hummed absent-mindedly, eyes fixated on a card in her hands, dried tear tracks staining her cheeks. She was sat in the middle of the bed, face so void of emotion, you’d wonder if she’d ever even had any.

“Hey, baby…”

She hummed again, but he could tell she wasn’t really present. He slowly sat down on the bed next to her, legs crossed just like hers until his right knee and arm were touching her left ones.

“What’s wrong?”

She kept looking at the card in her hand. It had a little Christmas tree on it. There were dozens of others spread out on the bed, all with various designs and motifs.

“Did you know I was the first grandchild to be born on my dad’s side?”

Her voice was scratchy, but it never wavered.

“My grandmother and her older sister lived in houses next to each other. I never made the distinction between the two. It wasn’t Grandma’s house and Aunt Grace’s house. It was Grandma and Auntie’s house. For ten years, I was the only grandchild. And Aunt Grace always treated me like I was a blessing.”

He could see her eyes were starting to get red, and he sighed internally. This was going to be a bad one. Because it just hit for her.

Six months ago, her Aunt Grace had been diagnosed with dementia. Arthur was there when she learned the news. He was prepared for screaming, and crying, and having to hold her broken pieces together with his bare arms.

But all she did was smile and say, “it’s alright, no one lives forever, this was bound to happen at some point”.

Arthur had been waiting for the fallout ever since.

“After we moved to Monaco, she’d send me cards every year. For my birthday, Christmas, Easter, International Children’s Day… I was a kid but I knew I wanted to keep them all. And I did.”

He looked at the cards spread out in front of her.

“I called Grandma today to see if I could say hi to Auntie… See how she’s doing. I guess I must have caught her during a bad day cause… It took almost half an hour of us talking for her to remember me. I get it, you know? I’m far away, she doesn’t see me very often, her health’s deteriorating… of course it’s gonna get harder and harder to remember me but… It’s only ever taken a few minutes. It never took this long.”

She fiddled with the card in her hands, eyes full of tears.

“So, I thought… Since I was missing her, I could re-read the cards she sent me over the years. I mean sure, the last one she sent me was when I was fifteen and that was seven years ago, but… Still.”

She sniffed, voice starting to crack now.

“So I read them and… I forgot how she used to sign them… Every time, without fail…”

She opened the card and at the bottom were the nine words that made Arthur draw in a sharp breath.

“Love from your Aunt Grace, who never forgets you. I forgot she used to do this. It started off as a joke cause I was a five-year-old kid who was worried my aunt would forget to wish me happy birthday cause I was moving to a new country. But she kept doing it. Kept reminding me that no matter the distance, she’d always be there for me. Love from your Aunt Grace, who never forgets you.”

Her breath hitched as the first tear started to fall.

“What kind of— fucking sick and twisted— awful, awful shit— some kind of cosmic joke?”

She hiccuped her way through half-formed sentences, trying and failing to voice out what was in her head, and he just pulled her to him. He tucked her head into his chest, arms coming around her shoulder, one hand still firmly in the back of her hair.

“It’s alright, mon coeur, just let it all out.”

He’d heard her cry before, of course. (Y/n) was an emotional person, she cried at everything: movies, songs, those cheesy Christmas commercials. He was used to seeing her cry, to comforting her through it.

Never like this, though. Never these full-body sobs, or hiccuping, half-choked-off screams. Never felt her clutch at him with the full force of her body, like she was worried he’d disappear, knuckles turning white and nails digging into his flesh. Never felt her cry for ten, twenty, thirty minutes, until her body exhausted itself and she just fell asleep.

She was limp in his arms now, breaths still coming out unevenly, tears leaking out of her eyes for minutes more, still.

Arthur didn’t know what to do. What do you say to a person going through something like that? What can you say?

“Her suffering will end soon”? “At least she lived a full life”? “She doesn’t have to remember you to love you”?

What bullshit.

He didn’t know what to say. He was pretty sure (Y/n) didn’t even know what she wanted to hear. All he could do was hold her as she slept, wipe away her tears, and make sure she knew how much he loved her.

He laid her down on the bed, covered her up so she wouldn’t be cold, and put the letters on her nightstand.

He might not know what to say, but he could at least make her some soup for when she woke up.

—

“Thur?”

It was well past sunset when she came into the kitchen, dressed in his favourite hoodie and wearing her comfortable fuzzy pants. Her face was still puffy from all the crying, and her eyes had that vacant look in them, but she was there.

“Hey, mon ange, how are you feeling?”

She shrugged, staring at the pot he was stirring.

“What are you making?”

He turned off the hob and took out two bowls.

“Chicken noodle soup. Figured we could eat this while watching a Barbie movie, something to make you feel better.”

She nodded.

“Wanna get settled on the couch and put on the movie?”

She nodded again, still a bit absent, and he took the toasted garlic bread slices out of the oven. He put everything on the tray along with some chilled water, and made his way to the living room, where Barbie of Swan Lake was just beginning.

It took her the entirety of the movie to finish her food, but Arthur was just glad she did. She didn’t like to eat when she was sad, said it made her feel weird, so this was quite the accomplishment.

Neither of them moved, even as the end credits ran. He just sat there, holding her, as she stared blankly at the screen.

“Do you want me to get you a flight home?”

She straightened up.

“What?”

“To see your aunt, spend some time with her.”

She shook her head.

“No, no… I have uni, and my job, I can’t just leave.”

He kept his eyes on her.

“No one would fault you for taking a semester off. And I have more than enough money that your job shouldn’t be a concern, not when it’s about something like this.”

She sighed, coming back down to lay in his arms. He held her tightly, running his fingers through her hair.

“There’s a part of me that wants to, you know. But she’s only getting worse. Grandma said she spends most of her time just looking outside or completely zoned out, with only a few hours where she acts more or less normally. It’s like she’s there but at the same time…not.

“As much as I want to spend all my time with her, I don’t want to remember her as a barely functioning human. I want to keep the good memories. And I know she’d never forgive me if she knew I was neglecting my studies because of her.”

She paused, but he didn’t speak, knowing more was coming.

“I feel like a horrible person, though. And selfish. Like, she’s dying and I’m pissed at her for forgetting me. And my whole family’s pitching in to keep her company but I don’t wanna see her outside of facetimes on her good hours cause I don’t want that image of her to overtake the good memories. She’s always been such a beacon of light and happiness, and now I can’t bring myself to be around her when she’s weak. I’m a horrible person.”

He shook his head and tightened his hold on her.

“No, you’re not.”

“I am, though. I’m supposed to be helping her. To call every day, regardless of her mood so I can still see her.”

He sighed.

“Baby… Look, I know you feel guilty, but you can’t sacrifice your own mental health for anyone. Not even her.”

He felt her tears start to dampen her shirt, and simply held her tighter.

“I just… I don’t know how to deal with this. I knew she’d be gone eventually but I never thought she’d go so soon, let alone like this…”

Arthur couldn’t help but think back to his father. He never wanted anyone else to have to go through what he did, mourning someone who wasn’t yet gone, let alone her.

“Have you thought about therapy? Or, well, grief counselling?”

She didn’t answer.

“I went to it about three months into Papa’s diagnosis. Kept going for a few years after. I still have Dr Claire’s number.”

There was a long pause in which he didn’t dare speak. He just stared at the pendulum wall clock (Y/n) found at a flea market when they first moved in, watching the brass circle go back and forth.

“Did it help?”

She sounded hesitant, quiet. So unlike herself.

“It did. She’s great, honestly, helped me understand a bunch of things and deal with the pain of losing my father, the drawn-out mourning of someone who wasn’t even gone yet. The weekly sessions were a big help.”

She was silent for a little while longer.

“Okay…”

—

She was staring at the pale yellow house like it would eat her alive. The whole drive there, she hadn’t stopped fidgeting.

“Hey, bébé…”

He squeezed her hand to get her attention, and she turned her frightened eyes back to him.

“I’m proud of you. It’s hard to ask for help, and I’m so so proud you did. I’ll be waiting for you right here, and we can go get ice cream right after the session, okay?”

She bit her lips nervously.

“Promise?”

“Promise. Je t’aime.”

She leaned in for a kiss and he felt her relax the longer it went on.

“I love you too.”

And as he saw her enter Dr Claire’s office, he could only hope the pain would become more manageable. But either way, he’d be there for her. No matter what.

before i sign off, i just wanted to say that if you're going through something like this, or if you're in a bad spot and you just wanna talk, my asks and dms are always open for you guys. anyway that's enough feelings out of me for today.

don't forget to comment and reblog, and keep your eye out for more stuff coming soon!

-Love, Miah <3

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#arthur leclerc #arthur leclerc x reader #arthur leclerc imagine #formula one imagine #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #if there was no end

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inkandarsenic · 1 year ago

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Mav’s Daughter fic idea that I’ve been bullet pointing out in my notes app:

- 28 year old Naval Aviator Lieutenant Anna “Impulse” Mitchell is the product of a brief summer fling Mav had between deployments

- Her mom and Mav broke up when Mav deployed again, and her mom found out she was pregnant not long after.

- Mav did know about Anna and tried to be in her life for the first few years, but ultimately ended up putting all of his focus on Bradley and the Navy, and by the time she’s five, Anna just sort falls to the wayside. Mav sends Christmas and birthday cards for a few years after that but by the time she’s ten those stop too

- Anna’s mother moves them to Hawaii when Anna is seven because she gets a job at the Pearl Harbor base. Anna grows up surfing and sailing and learning to pilot, her first real job is at a helicopter tour company.

- After college, Anna follows her dad’s footsteps into the Navy’s aviation program, against her mother’s wishes.

- Her mom thinks Anna is chasing after the love and attention of a father who cares more for his job and another kid, and she thinks Anna is just going to get hurt

- Anna definitely takes after Mav in that she is a natural in the sky. She is referred to Top Gun by Cyclone, who was one of her instructors in the academy and sort of took on a fatherly role in her life. He knows she’s Mav’s kid and makes sure to let her know that Mav is teaching at Top Gun.

- Actually met Cyclone when she was 14 and her mom finally let her start learning to fly. Cyclone was stationed in Pearl Harbor and was kind of sweet on her mom so he offered to teach Anna how to pilot

- It irritates Mav to no end that someone else taught his kid how to fly and that Anna credits Cyclone for her ability to fly. He has no one to blame but himself.

- Maverick is not aware that his daughter is even in the navy, let alone top gun.

- He finds out when he and the Daggers are given the line up for the new top gun class.

- Rooster never met Anna and only knew that her mother had moved them to Hawaii and Mav didn’t get to see her very much

- Mav tries to talk to her about their relationship after classes one day, but it’s been 18 years since Anna’s even heard from him, so she shuts that shit down by only calling him captain Mitchell and telling him that she has no interest in anything but a professional work relationship

- She also doesn’t like Bradley much. She knows it’s not his fault but she feels like it’s unfair that he got Mav all to himself and feels however irrationally that he took her dad from her

- She gets along great with Phoenix and Bob and she and Payback bond over being from Hawaii.

- Her phones lockscreen is a picture of her, her mother, and cyclone at her college graduation. Mav sees it once and doesn’t know how to feel about it. (Or maybe it’s a picture she has in her jet? I don’t know for certain if that’s a thing)

- At the annual Navy gala, Cyclone asks Jake to accompany Anna, because her asshole ex-fiancée is going to be there and Cyclone doesn’t want her to be there alone

That’s kinda as far as I’ve gotten, but the Navy gala is like the beginning of Jake and Anna getting closer and eventually getting together.

#top gun maverick fanfiction #top gun maverick #pete maverick mitchell #bradley rooster bradshaw #beau cyclone simpson #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin x oc #fic outline #bullet point fic

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hyperactivewhore · 1 year ago

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One of my biggest pet peeves is when people claim that it’s Marcel’s fault that Klaus was missing from Hope’s life. First of all, Klaus deserved everything he got after all the suffering and trauma he put Marcel through. Marcel is a saint compared to Klaus, who has done unspeakable things not only to Marcel but to thousands of others as well. If Marcel had kept Klaus locked up in a sewer until the world ended he would be more than justified.

Secondly, absolutely no one stopped Klaus from picking up his phone and calling his daughter. No one stopped him from sending birthday cards or Christmas gifts to his daughter. In fact, many people encouraged him to talk to Hope, including Hayley, Caroline, and Hope herself. He was the one who decided not to call Hope. He was the one who decided to cut off all contact with his daughter. He was the one who thought that the best course of action was to go no contact with Hope. But while he had no problem practically abandoning Hope (who was only a child at the time), he continued to seek out his brother knowing that being in close proximity to Elijah could hurt Hope.

So many people try to say Klaus wasn’t a bad father by blaming Marcel, Hayley, Hope, and everyone else in the entire show. But the reality is, Klaus was a bad father because of his actions alone.

And even to the every end of his life, he continued to be a bad father. He chose to flirt with Caroline when Hayley (Hope’s mother - practically Hope’s only parent) was missing and was in grave danger. He chose to spend his last remaining days showing Caroline around New Orleans as if he didn’t have a heartbroken, devastated daughter back at home who was grieving the loss of her mom and preparing for the loss of her dad. This man, who willingly chose not to contact his daughter for years, decided to spend his last remaining hours with his one night stand instead of Hope - and people have that audacity to say that it’s Marcel’s fault that Klaus was missing from Hope’s life?

Don’t get me wrong, I love Klaus. He’s a very interesting character. But I hate it when people justify his actions - especially because they will occasionally vilify Marcel to do so. Marcel and Hope deserved a better father. Marcel and Hope simply deserved better.

I'll never understand why people are surprised Klaus was a shitty father.

Loving your kids is the bare minimum and treating them right is like the least thing you can do, yet Klaus already failed miserably step two with Marcel. Klaus never respected Marcel as a person and let alone as his son, I don't care what people think. He liteally brought Marcel to that bridge in season three to remind him of his slavery, mocked his whip wounds, laid his hands on him in season one, and didn't even care to have a special goodbye with him when he was gonna die.

He literally told Hope she was meant to be broken by him, constantly jeopardized her safety when she was a baby, practically ghosted her most of her life, probably told Hope that Elijah didn't save Hayley, purposefully leaving out he was whoring around with Caroline, and was ignoring her the day he was gonna die choosing to spend his last hours with that same woman, and literally left Hope all in her own after losing her mother like the week before because he couldn't live without his brother.

Marcel had every single right to take revenge against the Mikaelson, and so does Hope. Their supposed family never gave any damn about them and yet people blame everyone but Klaus simply because they think Joseph Morgan is hot.

#klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #hope mikaelson #marcel gerard #the originals #the vampire diaries #tvd #to #hayley marshall #rebekah mikaelson #joseph morgan

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br1ghtestlight · 1 year ago

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Hi friend :) rewatching Father Of the bob and it made me wonder about the kids' and Big Bob's relationship. Do you got any headcanons and the like about that? (Sorry if you've already talked about it)

I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT BIG BOB AND HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE KIDS i have peppered them throughout my posts and fanfics but i will expand on them a bit here >:)

i don't think bob ever went fully no contact with big bob but there was definitely a decade or two where they didn't live together and almost Never spoke except for big bob occasionally calling him to say happy birthday or whatever. when tina was born I think bob realized that he did want his dad to be in his kids lives in some way (yes they had linda's parents as their other set of grandparents but even back then i think bob KNEW they were shitty people and would be bad gransparents) he wanted them to have a good grandpa so he kinda introduced him into the kids lives

big bob was definitely nervous about being around these small and easily influenced humans even if he didn't outwardly express that. tina was the sweetest little baby so getting along w/ her was easy but gene and louise were definitely more stressful. and bcuz big bob was still busy with work he barely ever saw them anyway. but he did TRY to be a good grandpa by sending them birthday & christmas presents and giving them money every time they visited. trying to be a grandpa in the only way he knew how :(

could explore in another post how al and gloria are the WORST grandparents and how it's strongly implied that tina gene and louise don't actually like them (if you compare how they interact with linda's parents vs big bob its clear that they are tolerating al and gloria at most while they genuinely look forward to spending time with big bob and WANT to see him. can't even say it's because of bob influencing them to dislike linda's parents bcuz he openly hates his dad too lmao) but in comparison to them big bob really does correct so many of the mistakes he made w/ bob when it comes to his grandkids (to quote alice talking about gertie "she's a better grandmother than a mother you gotta trust me")

he's physically affectionate with them and he spoils them!!! he actually pays attention to their individual interests (watching gene's music performance and looking at louise's display of burobu cards, and seemingly getting her gifts specifically related to her interest in them for her birthday and christmas) and talks to them. compare that with al and gloria who literally got the kids a regifted book about staying active in retirement for christmas one year (with a whole chapter about sex with Actual pictures and examples which is fucked up) they're literally the worst ugh

and big bob's efforts with the kids seem to pay off bcuz they look forward to spending time with him :) they're always excited and I genuinely think it isn't only because he gives them money when they see him. they just like spending time with him!! "He's a good grandpa" and he bakes them cookies and worries about them and their futures <3 THEY'RE THE REASON HE BELIEVES THAT THE WORLD WILL BE OKAY. HE THINKS THEY'LL BE ABLE TO FIX THINGS?????

anyway some specific headcanons about his dynamics with each of the kids:

he definitely gets along the most easily with tina. they're similar people in the way that bob and tina are similar (except that tina is more positive than either of them lol) and they enjoy doing more lowkey activities together compared to louise or gene. they might enjoy baking cookies or doing puzzles together :) definitely a good thing that she was his first grandchild bcuz she was always kind and quiet and easy to get along with and it made him more confident in his abilities. Whenever he sees a horse themed item at a thrift store or whatever he buys it and gives it to tina the next time she visits!! that's how she got quite a few of her porcelain horses when she was younger (even if maybe decorative porcelain horses were not the best idea ever for a seven year old tina took very good care of them u_u gene and louise not so much. rip)

gene is probably the grandchild that he finds it the hardest to relate to just because they're such DIFFERENT people. gene is so effeminate and unashamed of himself and his emotions which is pretty much the opposite of how big bob was taught to be as a kid and how he raised bob. he never had daughters so its easier for him to relate to tina and louise bcuz they're almost like a blank slate?? he sees so much of what he did wrong with parenting bob when it comes to gene :( But they eventually find some common ground with gene's love of music and performing. big bob will tell gene about his favorite songs and records from when he was younger & he'll listen to all of gene's performances when he visits

louise is the most.... complicated for big bob? she reminds him SO MUCH of lily in everything from her personality to her pink hat. it definitely took him a few years to get over that and begin to see louise as her own person and stop projecting that trauma onto her (not intentionally but its just hard when you lose someone and then suddenly they're There again and they're your grandaughter) luckily louise is easy to love and her bold personality makes herself VERY known. he could not ignore her. he loves how spunky she is and how unashamed she is of herself (all his grandkids really) and he definitely thinks she's gonna grow up to do something great in the world. they don't have that much to bond over tbh he just let's louise take the lead and he does whatever she wants him to do. he just likes spending time with his granddaughter <3

definitely think that the kids have started seeing big bob more since his relationship with bob has been repaired a bit so i can imagine that connection will only grow stronger!!!!

#sorry for writing a literal english essay in response to your ask BUT I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON THIS. OKAY #big bob on my mind 24/7 #ask #bob's burgers #headcanons

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mbrainspaz · 3 months ago

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Over christmas I found out that that former best friend who slowly drifted out of touch in the years after I came out has been going around to our mutual friends and my estranged family and asking them if they think I've 'changed.' lol.

Yeah, I did, and you would've seen that change happen if you'd ever texted back or returned my calls. If you'd picked up while I was losing my home and my job. Any of the times I was so lonely it felt like there was a vortex of pain inside my head. When I got the horse of my dreams and nearly lost him a few times. When I started publishing my comic. When I had to cut contact with my transphobic mom. When I finally had the free time and money to travel and hang out again.

She wrote me a hand written letter that she had my transphobic mom deliver to me at christmas. It was more of the same 'I invested more in this friendship than you did but I still care about you' bs. I texted her back 'you do you, and if I ever see you again I'll be glad,' and of course got no reply.

I didn't ask why she bothered to send the letter because it's obvious she's done all this work just to frame the end of our friendship as my fault in her head. I thought about asking our mutual friends not to pass along any more information about me, but I don't even care that much. I can't stop my transphobic mom from yapping anyway, and she only knows about my life because I can't stop my grandma from yapping to her. It's actually so bizarre that my ex friend reduced herself to getting grapevine rumors about me when she had my number the whole time, and I never missed her calls. What's even funnier is I still get rumors traveling back the other way, even though I didn't ask. My grandma loves to give me unsolicited updates on my ex friend's life. I still ignore most of it because my family have always done this weird thing where they try to convince me all my friends will betray me. Whack.

I sure would've loved to know more about her life than the tidbits I got from 3 calls in as many years. Twice when she was going through a crisis and once for my birthday. I hate that I wasn't able to be there for her and see her change too, but she didn't let me. All I know is that she started making more money, bought a house in Oregon, had some stuff stolen, and broke her leg. Oh, and that she still calls my transphobic mom to chat on the regular.

In one of our last communications she played the 'we can still friends even if we haven't heard from each other in years' card. That's totally a thing, but you still have to actually pick up the phone. Summer before last I got a call from a friend I hadn't seen and had barely talked to in years and she said, 'I just broke up and I need a buddy to jump out of a plane with me in Vegas,' and I bought the tickets.

#ex friends #personal problems #sunday musings #journal type post #friendship

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but-ur-beautiful-to-me · 2 years ago

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tonight i am thinking about my parents and how i often don’t believe they are right for each other. they fight. argue. a lot. too much. as long as i can remember, multiple times every day of my life, there’s always something, and as soon as it’s resolved, there’s always more somethings. they get annoyed with each other constantly, my mother more than my father. my father never wanted my sister and i to grow up while my mother wanted us to mentally mature quickly while slowly shifting from girls to women.

tonight i am thinking about my parents and how i sometimes believe they are right for each other. my father is a hopeless romantic who passed his penchant for lovely gestures onto me. he puts thought into the gifts he gets for my mother. he takes time to write beautiful love letters in her birthday, christmas, and valentine’s day cards. he gets her flowers on each of those holidays as well. he has proposed to her three or more times, simply because he wanted to (although, she has lost a ring or two). he rubs her feet when they ache. he turns the tv volume down when she falls asleep before him, a nightly occurence. my mother, on the other hand, is a little less outwardly affectionate, but she never forgets to tell my father how much she loves him. she logistically explains her feelings in all of his cards, in tiny font he always jokes about needing a microscope to read. she always remembers to phone him if she misses a call, and if he doesn’t pick up she will send him a text message. she knows he doesn’t like onions, so she makes sure none of the chicken thighs she cooks for dinner have pieces of onion on them when she serves his plate. she drove two hours to work and back for forty-eight months so my father, my sister, and i wouldn’t have to move for the third time in as many years.

tonight i am thinking about my parents and how badly i want a love that is so similar, yet so different than theirs. i want someone who buys me flowers for every major holiday, and every once in a while when they feel like it. i don’t want explosive anger. i want someone who knows and accepts that i am not the world’s best vocalist, but smiles when i make attempts to serenade them with song. i don’t want to feel like an annoyance. i want someone who will massage my back when i over-exert myself, and stroke my hair when i’ve had a stressful day. i want someone who will gladly shout their love for me from the highest rooftop in a city. i want someone who would try to sing my favorite song atop a restaurant table before i pull them down, laughing. i don’t want to be shrugged off when obviously upset. i want someone who will sneak out with me during parties to look at the moon and talk about the universe. i want someone who is sure about marrying me before they even ask my friends for help in proposing to me. i want someone willing to raise two beautiful children into kind and good adults with me; some animals are included in there. i want someone to record adventures around the globe with me. i want to know someone’s soul like we came from the same star, and for them to know mine like we were fed the same constellations.

tonight i am thinking about my parents and supernovas and love and calla lilies and relationships and sour candy and a white dress and horror movies and honeymoon phases and rock songs and eight-letter phrases and me and you.

~ L.G. | would you say i’m worthy?

#poem #poets on tumblr #poetblr #original poem #love #i love him #buturbeautifultome #parents #my parents #i want love #would you say i’m worthy?#i hope this works out #i’m not religious but i pray it works out

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tittyinfinity · 2 years ago

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Venting, just having the words in front of me helps me process my own thoughts better.

Dylan and I might have just lost all our progress on house hunting again because of his dad.

His dad is the reason he's stuck in Texas in the first place. Offered a job at his dad's work, but then his dad took an entire YEAR to finally agree to it, all while telling Dylan that his family wouldn't help him get to work if he got a different job (and he made sure to tell his siblings and mom that they weren't allowed to take him either) even tho they're a 30 minute drive away from the nearest business and they're in the middle of nowhere. He also said that he and his mom weren't going to babysit, so he had to find a babysitter somehow with no money and no one to contact in the first place bc he doesn't fucking know anyone down there. And once Dylan got his car working again, HIS DAD STOLE HIS KEYS, ID, AND DEBIT CARD FOR 2 MONTHS. He found it in his DRAWER. Only reason he's working now is because his mom is charging him $800 A MONTH to watch her own grandchildren. AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN DO IT! Dylan's siblings do! His mom locks herself in her room and doesn't come out all day! SHE SAID OUT LOUD "What if I don't like my grandchildren?" "I'm not doing anything for the kids' birthdays or Christmas because it wouldn't be fair since my kids never got to do that" "your kids better leave me alone"

Dylan's dad is one of those super "alpha males" who has to control every aspect of everyone's life, and he makes sure NOT to let his kids (specifically, his sons) succeed at anything because it makes him feel inferior. I'm not kidding. He has done this every time Dylan has made progress.

Lemme tell you about just how abusive this man is.

He trapped Dylan's mom. He forced her into pregnancy back-to-back, told her she wasn't allowed to take birth control, told her no one else would ever want her because of her mom body, wouldn't let her drive until a couple of years ago and only allows her to do it with his permission and another person going with her to track her, doesn't allow her to have any friends at all, doesn't allow her to work or have her own money, etc. There's a lot worse things he does to her that I won't go into detail.

They had 9 kids. Nine. Most of them only a year apart. They didn't send any of them to school. They didn't homeschool them. They were specifically just farmhands. Literal slaves. He would stand and watch his kids do all the farming and then go kick them any time they stopped. They never had new clothes. They never had birthdays. Never had any holidays, actually. They had fake homeschooling stuff just in case cps stopped by. They weren't allowed to go to school or have friends because "he didn't want them going and saying bad stuff about him" (because he knew he'd go to fucking prison over it).

He makes sure he has control over everything. If dylans mom makes him mad, he says she better stop arguing before he hurts the kids. He will hurt and ground ALL the children if ONE person makes him mad. He uses that against them. So no one dares to mess up because everyone will get punished. Dylan is the only person who stands up to him because he's no longer afraid of him, but his family tries to tell him not to stand up to him at all out of fear.

And then with Dylan specifically.... he's the oldest son. For some reason, his dad thinks he's in constant competition with him. To the point that any time dylans mom showed him attention, his dad would tell her "well why don't you talk to DYLAN about it since he's so much better than me." Dylan wasn't allowed to succeed at anything at all, and if he tried, his dad would physically destroy his progress in order to keep him under his control.

Any time he stood up to his dad, he would beat the shit out of him (starting as a toddler), spit in his face, and call him a stupid faggot.

Dylan and his dad stay in motels during the week since their house is a 2-3 hour drive from work and they go in begween 3am-5am. Three nights ago, Dylan accidentally fell asleep in his dad's hotel bed instead of his own. He didn't know which bed was his. His dad yanked him out of bed from a dead sleep and Dylan pushed him off of him. His dad then punched him in the face and said that he assaulted him. Dylan went outside and his dad called the police. He had to drive 3 hours out of town with no cell service, trying to find his family's house in the middle of nowhere by memory only. He had to call in for two days in a row. He's not sure if his dad is going to try/be able to sabotage his job.

Dylan looked at a house a few days ago, but he may be homeless soon because his dad isn't going to allow him to go back to his family's house and that means his kids get kicked out too and he has no babysitter again.

WHY. WHY. Every time we make any progress, something outside of our control ruins it. All year I've been trying to move. All year everything has been working against me. I'm getting sicker and sicker staying at my mom's house.

I just want to give up, but I can't. It's hard to want to try when it only ends in failure and heartbreak.

#.bdo

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stellylee · 2 years ago

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TASK #11 WRITE A LETTER

triggering / sensitive content: abandonment, cheating.

I hesitate to address this as 'dear dad' because you haven't been for a while. Unless you count the occasional text, or the cards at Christmas time. I'm not even really sure that you remembered my birthday this year, but it wasn't like I was waiting for you to call. I had a good time with Mandy and my friends.

And I know that I'll never actually send you this letter, because what would either of us get out of it? I don't need to guilt trip you into feeling bad about not being in my life, because I've got a great life despite your absence, and I don't see that changing any time soon. I'm happy. I guess I'm just writing it all down because I have the opportunity to, and why not?

At this point, I'm done being mad at you. Which took a long, long time to realize. Because when mom closed my bedroom door and told me that she needed to talk, I knew that it wasn't going to be an easy conversation. I was only twelve years old, and she told me that we were going to move. Not to another apartment, or another area, another part of the city... or even somewhere else in the state. No, we were moving up the coast, to Maine, of all places, and you weren't coming with us. She never actually told me that you cheated, you know that? I think because she wanted me to have a good, solid relationship with you, which maybe makes it harder that you didn't want that with me. I think it took me a long time to reconcile that feeling and realize that it wasn't all my fault. But, regardless, we moved to Maine and I was absolutely miserable. I hated how remote everything was, how quiet. I was also a pre-teen slash teenager who hated life in general, coming into my own and making decisions about my identity in a brand new place, which I guess was okay. Because I got to be Stelly in my own way. So, hey, I guess thanks for knocking up that chick. Helped me find myself?

Mom fell in love, which at first pissed me off (not just because it made me get a step brother, but just because she moved on), but now I an see that he's really good to and for her. She's happy, which is more than I can say about those last few years in New Orleans. I slowly learned how to not hate Maine. I got into photography, and I waitressed after school while I went to college, and eventually took some bartending classes. Now, I'm lead bartender at a sports bar and I kick some serious ass. I got a job with the local paper, photographing events and taking assignments when they need me, and I'm friends with journalists and editors and all the higher ups. I live in a downtown home that I share with some friends, it needs some work, but it feels like a place that's mine. And I have some really good friends who love me for who I am. And a dog.

And Mandy.

I lied, because sometimes I am a little bit mad at you, knowing that you'll never know how cool she is, or how she makes my heart skip a beat when she kisses my cheek. The way she likes my black jeans and ripped tanks, and the way she doesn't mind that it clashes with her pink hair or the bubblegum way she smiles. The thing is, I definitely gave up on the idea of love and relationships when I found out what you did and how much you hurt mom, but then Mandy stopped by Touchback more and more and I realized it was for me, to see me, to spend time with me... and I realized that maybe humans aren't always so awful to each other. Maybe you can genuinely, really care about a person.

The whole point of this was to let you know in my own fucked up way that... I'm okay without you. That I reached that point where life goes on and everything doesn't feel heavy, and I think about New Orleans with fondness in my heart, instead of the bitterness you planted there. But I could be okay with you, too. A part of me hopes that someday, you call instead of text. Just so I know that you sometimes still think about us, too.

#merrocktask

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tameblog · 11 days ago

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This Salted Caramel & Bourbon Milkshake is a specialty at Ted’s Montana Grill…and now you can make it at home! Vanilla ice cream, bourbon and caramel; it’s amazing! I am occasionally the lucky recipient of an invitation to visit a local restaurant and try some of their menu items, and most recently a visit included this amazing Salted Caramel & Bourbon Milkshake. Obviously not at all in the same way a food critic would sample dishes but as a guest. Their hopes are that I will enjoy a meal and share it with my readers and my sincere hope is that I will too. It does seem the cards in the deck are stacked in their favor, after all they know why I am there so of course they pull out all the stops; does make you wonder if it’s a fair representation of what a diner could expect right? Want to save this recipe? Enter your email & I’ll send it to your inbox. Plus, get great new recipes from me every week! My most recent invitation was to visit one of Ted Turner’s restaurants aptly named Ted’s Montana Grill which has several locations in the Denver metro area. This would be fun and easy…my kids took me there for my birthday and we loved it! While the memory of the Canyon Creek Burger had me over the moon, I knew as soon as I took a sip of dessert that it would be the one recipe I would beg the establishment for. I decry the use of the word swoon used so often by people that it has lost any meaning but in this case, this simple dessert was absolutely swoon-worthy. Exactly how I felt when I first sipped this Salted Caramel & Bourbon Milkshake! I fondly remember that first time I went to a Ted’s Montana Grill. They had just recently opened their establishment on Larimer Square in downtown Denver. My girls wanted to take me there so it was a big night out for us. Larimer Square is a charming, bustling block in the heart of Denver; the ever present overhead twinkling lights add an extra element of gaiety and the fact that my birthday is two weeks before Christmas meant things were really popping. Funny I don’t recall what I had that night but I will never forget what my daughter Lauren ordered and is still her favorite, the Kitchen Sink burger which includes American cheese, ham, bacon, grilled onions, mushrooms and a fried egg. The name is clearly perfect. Since that night, they have opened a couple of other locations and I chose to go to one closer to me in my old stomping grounds of Greenwood Village in the Landmark Shopping Center. Good call…loved the proprietor and staff. I had invited a friend to join me and Rajean decided to order the St. Phillip’s Island Crab Cakes which boasted a Southwestern seasoning, guacamole, roasted asparagus and kale salad. I am a big fan of seafood and was sorely tempted to follow her lead. I had a certain ping of envy but that was silly; we’re all about sharing! I remembered Lauren’s love of their burger so I went that direction and chose one that was a bit unique and seriously the PERFECT choice for me. The Canyon Creek Burger includes Cheddar cheese, bacon, jalapeno, blackberry jam and a fried egg. I buy a local jam that is blackberry with serrano peppers and I simply love that sweet/hot combination so felt good with this choice and I was not wrong. The burger I enjoyed on my birthday was bison, so this time around I opted for beef. Juicy enough that I had to remain watchful and not embarrass myself with rivers of deliciousness running down my shirt and a flavor combination that was everything I had hoped for. I thought this was really the Kitchen Sink and more. So much more that I could barely make it through half even after sharing some with Rajean. The proprietor at this location was great. Not just attentive but warm and friendly too. He shared some of his personal path towards ending up at Ted’s and his enthusiasm for the company was palpable. He told us how involved Mr. Turner is with the business and that ‘Aunt Fannie’s’ Squash Casserole is really and truly his aunt’s dish. Rajean wasn’t sure she had ever had a squash casserole before and within minutes a sample appeared for her to try. A short story about how they hand cut and make all of their onion rings daily and again, magically, a plate appeared for us to try. My kind of rings; onions tender enough to bite through and a crispy seasoned crust to die for. Dipped in some of their horseradish sauce? Heaven. We were full and content and I believe I might have even inquired about a cot when Kyle asked if we would like some dessert. Oh how I love dessert but we were so full we couldn’t so of course we did. You know just not to be rude. 🙂 Highly recommended was their Strawberry Shortcake, delivered in a tall stack with house made drop biscuits, vanilla ice cream, fresh strawberry sauce and whipped cream. It reminded me of what I make for my family with the drop biscuits and the truth is it was enough for a family on that one plate! Loved it. It really was enough for a crowd and we were full so…oh shoot who am I kidding? We ate it all. Good thing we were sharing BUT, but, but…nothing prepared me for the Salted Caramel & Bourbon Milkshake listed under ‘Adult Shakes.’ Oh my. Simple too…which is why I requested (OK, begged) for the recipe. Please, please, please??? No secret I love using bourbon in desserts but often there is just the slight hint. This was no hint. This was a for real bourbon kick. Rajean and I are adults but I think there might have been a bit of ‘no it’s MINE’ going on…it really was heavenly. I had already imagined including this Salted Caramel & Bourbon Milkshake in these pages and have been anxious to share but well, the Kentucky Derby really does require a Mint Julep so patience was required. Now the day is here, the Derby will be run in a couple of hours and I can publish this amazingly delicious mixture of simple ingredients. Easy to make too. OK, maybe you won’t have your own milkshake machine (yay for garage sales!) but a blender will do nicely. While I did make my own caramel sauce (and added 2 tablespoons of bourbon to it) you do not have to and sometimes I don’t either. Just buy a good brand at the grocery store; I’ve used this Ghirardelli Salted Caramel Sauce and it’s good! Do try making your whipped cream using brown sugar; it’s great with the bourbon. Ted’s Salted Caramel & Bourbon Milkshake features Jack Daniel’s whiskey but I used my favorite everyday bourbon, Makers Mark. As long as you include some good vanilla bean ice cream and caramel the spirit is up to you. Still, the real bottom line? You must try this. I saved some for Amy, my neighbor across the street. She of the, ‘not sure I love bourbon’ type? Well in less than a week I’ve got her loving Mint Juleps and this shake….how do you like bourbon now my dear?? If you’re in Denver and close to the Tech Center? Make your reservation now to visit Ted’s Montana Grill; while I love re-creating some of their favorites at home, there is nothing quite like visiting them for a special experience. More of Our Favorite Ice Cream Treats Boozy Favorites Beer Float and Milkshakes Favorite Ice Creams Sauces/Toppings PIN IT! ‘Salted Caramel & Bourbon Milkshake’ Salted Caramel & Bourbon Milkshake Barb A delicious twist on a Salted Caramel Shake…this adult version with Bourbon is seriously the bomb. Careful, the Salted Caramel & Bourbon Milkshake is addictive! Prep Time 10 minutes minsTotal Time 10 minutes mins Course Bourbon, Ice CreamCuisine American Servings 1 ServingCalories 709 kcal 8 ounces vanilla ice cream½ ounces half and half2 ounces caramel sauce I added a touch of bourbon to it too1 ½ ounces bourbon⅛ teaspoon pinch Kosher saltFor Garnish:whipped cream try using brown sugar instead of granulated for this; works great with the bourboncaramel saucecherries Chill a tall glass in the freezer.Mix the ice cream, half and half, caramel sauce, bourbon and salt in a milkshake machine or blender.Pour mixture into chilled glass. Top with whipped cream, drizzle with a bit of caramel sauce and top with a cherry. Serve with a tall spoon and a straw. Nutrition FactsSalted Caramel & Bourbon MilkshakeAmount per Serving% Daily Value** Percent Daily Values are based on a 2000 calorie diet. Keyword bourbon, dessert, milkshake, salted caramel, Ted’s Source link

#KITCHEN_AND_DINING #BOOZE #BOOZY #BOURBON #CARAMEL #DESSERT #ICE_CREAM #MILKSHAKE #SALTED #SHAKE #TEDS_MONTANA_GRILL

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ramestoryworld · 11 days ago

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