#and they can be friends w their cousins
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thinking paternal thoughts
#my cousin just had her baby and its just making me think!#but im an uncle now!!!!!!#and im daydreaming abt when im financially secure enough to have kids#and they can be friends w their cousins#im so buit for fatherhood you dont even know#and in thinking about like my relationship to my dad#and which bits if that id pass to my kid#and feeling very paternal bout my dog#what have i passed down to her??#she does take after me#as we lay on the couch in matching postions and i read a text message from my dad i can see it#dads#fathers#uncles#trans
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bro i never understood the want or impulse to woobify real serial killers or terrorists. "can a guy have a hobby" whatever happened to people having cool hobbies like crocheting or birdwatching and not making "adam lanza dogboy" stimboards or something
#(this is not really an exaggeration. though ive seen this with dylan klebold)#(yes that dylan klebold)#there were times where i thought a fictional killer they were woobifiying was real because there were no difference w/ they treated the two#ive noticed they also give more recent serial killers the “babygirl” treatment#(some they do that for committed their crimes not even a decade ago)#would it make be better they woobified jack the ripper ? not really ? but i cant say anyone is personally affected by him anymore#the families + friends of the victims can very likely see the shit ppl are talking about and they dont deserve anymore burden#im sure they'd be real chill seeing the person that killed their mother/brother/daughter/cousin/ect with hello kitty filters /sarc#[just me yapping]#f/o blog#ok to rb#school shooting tw#murder tw
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The patient needs weird paintings to live
#found at an anyique store I went to w friends this past Wednesday#*antique#didn’t get it then but went back with my cousin today and IT WAS STILL THERE YIPPEE!!!!#it was listed just for the frame but I absolutely got it just for the picture lmao#it was 8 bucks :3#that is a tortilla blanket btw#and that’s the tea#I have No Where to put this rn but I’m so happy I got it#my mom likes the frame and tbh the pic is a bit loose in it so I just might take it out and reframe it#and then my mom can keep the frame lmao
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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Guess which bitch now has room on its phone for instagram for the first time in like 3 years. This is only good bc now we can post art there again.
Not that instagram is nice to artists or anything. Just that our art tumblr is so very tiny and unused. Gonna probably have to clear it out somewhat when I finally get around to posting art.
#thank fuck for our silm special interest tho#we can finally get like traction on posts#which'll mean that when our fibro flare-up finally dies down (lmao it'll be ages bc our dad is Stressing The Fuck Outta Us)#we can get commissions done again#and through those. well.#money both for clothes to make us comfortable#(which will also last for years & be the right kinda clothing for when we move overseas)#and also for savings for WHEN we move overseas#like our grandma is nice & all &'ll probably help pay for us getting housing or whatever#but i dont want to have to Rely on her inheritance from her aunt(?)#and disability benifits are dodgy at best. and we'll have to survive somehow *before* we get them through#and i kinda dont want to have to rely on the generosity of an old school friend's mum. or a 10th cousin 4 times removed (or whatever)#who might well be dead before we move to ireland#bc he's like 95 rn#and idk if he'd even let us stay at his (scarily enormous) house At All#also. idk if we'd have the money without some kinda work to get HRT when we move out. dont wanna have to be reliant on parents or the gov.#for our HRT. i doubt we could get public healthcare to cover it. not immediately at least.#and i kinda dont want to have to go back on birth control. cause progesterone or w/ever its called has feminising effects iirc#and we're not sure if we want a hysterectomy yet. so.#it'd be a choice between periods (hell) and HRT (expensive)#fuck i hate being disabled sometimes#like actually if anyone calls chronically fatigued ppl “lazy”. i fucking WISH i was lazy.#like bitch please this flare-up is making it so that NONE of my meds get rid of the pain anywhere NEAR fully#and im low-key on the Good Shit™#also so annoyed that ireland hasnt legalised weed. bc. we're almost certainly gonna be doing it for pain#and getting an *illegal* product is so much more difficult#lmao i worked out commas#—Roquén#my fingies hurt so much rn lmao#anyway gonna go draw my source drowning in blood & despair. then im gonna work out what the fuck kinda pigments caranthir would use
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i think the reason ppl get so uppity about you calling a scam a scam rn is bc they feel so powerless about the situation in i/p that they'll take ANYTHING to feel like they're contributing. they dont want to be the bystanders who have no real sway that they are, they want to be the heroes of the story, and if they dont at least have the scams to rely on for their image, how will everyone know how good of a person they are and praise them for saving the day???????????????
#its all a self serving fantasy so you can larp as a revolutionary. w/o the scams you dont really have any reason to act this way#and to be so passionate and intense bc you cant even fucking do anything. and you know that. and you feel shame about being so intense#when you cant fucking do anything so you LATCH on to whatever you can- like the scams- to make it seem like you're actually doing something#instead of address that shame and live with it and accept it and apologize to people for spreading scams.#you're LITERALLY doing what conservatives do when theyre proven wrong about a conspiracy theory.#you have no real power here. you tried and still you couldnt sway things. people who are doing the real work are THERE.#there are israelis who are protesting on behalf of palestinians who are being SIGNIFICANTLY MORE IMPACTFUL because they're actually#THERE and can actually do things to sway things. you cant. you need to accept that.#this isnt me saying you dont have man power this is me saying you're essentially trying to involve yourself in a conflict that your friend#told you their cousins that you dont know at all are going through.#this couldnt concern you less and also you have no real power here. are you gonna demand your friend give you their cousins numbers#so you can say something to them? even though they dont speak english?#even if you did have a translator that worked super well- you are SO FAR REMOVED from this situation that you input is meaningless.#like when ppl go on reddit to ask if they're the asshole- yeah everyones gonna agree with you bc you're the only perspective#being share.d you're not showing the other side where other ppl call YOU unreasonable. no! so it doesnt rly matter if you think you know#whats right- your friend JUST told you about this with minor details and even a couple days of explaining still would never give you the#full picture enough to have any actually valuable input.#you AT LEAST have to be part of the family in some capacity.......................... *looks intensely at the complexion of all the#'antizionist not antisemitic' ppl* pinky.......
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i was literally crying more than my auntie at her only child’s wedding like ‘i never thought id live to see the day’ as if im fucking 75
#stream#she picked so well#we love steveeveeeee & i told them that 😭😭😭😭#weddings always due me in 😭😭😭😭😭😭#i will BAWL like a MESS omg#the CHILD even was fine but here i am just 😭😭😭😭😭#they’re sooo cute together i’m just so happy to see my cousin happy & he fits just RIGHT IN TO THR FAMILY#HES PERFECT#DOES HE UNDERSTAND WHAT PEOPLE SAY NO BUT HE TRIES & THATS THE POINT LIKE MY BROTHER CANT EVEN UNDERSTAND OUR UNCLE THAT HES KNOWN SINCE#BIRTH BUT THRYRR ECUT OF THR SANE CLOTH#good LORD i doubt my brother could understand chris#i missed the family so much i love us#ugh trinis 😭😭😭🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹#literally it was a clear divide between the islanders & steve’s family/friends 😭😭😭😭#literally cocoa pod bracelet vs none & that was it u could TELL#& steve’s friends fucking hated me but also i was drinking on an empty somtach & everybody fucking smoke golds like ridiculous#when can americans smoke REDS LIKE TRUE AMERICSND#FUCKING THEYRE 18$ W CONVERSION A P A C K#OBVS IM GETTING THEM IN DUTY FREE 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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why am i doing so much this weekend 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i should be playing video games til monday night
#babysitting tn til late. ended up saying i’d go camping w my friend tmr for the night????#and my cousin just texted asking if her and her bf can crash at my place sunday night bc her bf needs to get his passport renewed#and i’m like sure u can sleep in my living room where i keep my xbox…#also at some point i need to go to my brothers house and drop off a shitload of hand me downs for his baby one of my other cousins from#ontario brought down cjsndjd
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i'm pretty worn out from today. i might go to bed early.
#friday chats#i'll probably wake up at like 3am and be unable to fall back asleep so if that happens i'll probably pop back up on here#or i'll try to do some writing#but in the meantime i'm just tired#my cousin's visit went well i think. she was nice#but between her + her family + my family i really felt like the odd one out#it was pretty jarring#like i know i'm weird and i like being weird but not so much when i'm the only weird guy in the room#made me feel a bit like a different species. which is dumb but like yknow what i mean?#it usually happens when i'm at any gathering with my extended family#but that's usually grandparents/family friends so i can pretend it's bc they're from a different generation and whatnot#i just felt uncomfortably out of place the whole time#which makes it sound like it was a really bad time; it wasn't too terrible. i liked her. i'd be willing to hang out w/her occasionally.#it was just the ratio of normal people : me was. something. i didn't like it#so here's hoping my roommates are at least a little bit strange too
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You fantasize about kissing or dating or having sex with them, I fantasize about them giving me head pats while I'm purring. We are not the same
#this isnt about anyone or any character in specific#just in general#though i may or may not have caught myself imagining that happening with my cousins cute friend#that i may see today#cause i am at my cousin's for the weekend#and hes supposed to visit this evening#maybe probably#cousin said that he can be flaky sometimes with like hanging out plans#flaky was that the word?#but!!!! a few days ago he texted me asking if he could join us the next time i visit my cousin and her bf sooo#also minutes earlier he tagged me in our group chat w everyone that was at the bday party when we met#saying that i was in his dream and i even gave him a lil kiss in it#so like. yeah i think he will be coming over today#anyway what was the post about#yeah right im a kittye :3#therian#bee buzz
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do i want her or want to BE her
#yall dont even get it shes literally just the better version of me#we're the TWO nepalis at our school w the same immigration stories but SHE can actually speak nepali#and shes like way prettier and funnier and her friends are so cool and like her#and shes SO authentically herself like oml#i get nervous and weird around her so we arent FRIENDS but we're friendly acquaintances ykk#sorry yall. its the jealousy !!! crazy#cause SHE wouldntve been at a party longingly staring at her cousin and his friends wishing she could have ppl like that. too#sorry !!! i need attention ive been mindless all day#post#summer solace#dont even go by that name no more but its fine#delete later
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I wish I could forget about being trans. It surrounds me everywhere and that used to be comforting but it's getting claustrophobic and limiting and i want to be more than this.
#can i just be a normal guy.#i want to date and hang out w my friends and not talk abt transphobia and gender or be reminded of everything#disclaimer im v lucky i can hold this position etc. my opinions are my own. i would love to assimilate fully and after uni when i inevitably#move away i can imagine going full stealth. new place new friends unfortunately but im not good at staying in contact.#itll be lonelier but it always is. most of my friends are dating and i want to be too. i feel like im running out of time. my cousin has a#kid. a girl from school is getting married. theres only one person ive ever considered marrying and that was years ago#fleabag quote i want to wash mugs and watch my wife drink from them in the morning#think im deeply sad guys. whatever
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best original screenplay best original score best original song best actress best actor best actor best sound design best cinematography best directing best picture. are my predictions.
#im seeing it again on weds w my cousin and my best friend and my cousin's friend bc its my birthday but i dont know if i can go five days#without seeing it again. bc you see it is the most important movie ever made
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she stayed till almost 10 I think it went well :)
#Was nice#I’ll probably be anxious and over analyzing it tonight/tomorrow but that’s okay#also her other friend was supposed to come but was busy so she told her to invite me to this thing Saturday#which is so sweet like we’ve barely had a conversation together n she told her to invite me#I would’ve said yes but I’ve got plans w my cousin sat#First social interaction in a month I think I did good 👍#although she did say a few things that had me :/#like some food related stuff that made me uncomfortable#and something mildly ableist towards schizophrenics#But it’s okay i can educate her#Screaming
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btw i have a tattoo on my ankle that says fuck
it’s in cursive font
#i can point to it and say sorry this is my last fuck to give and as you can see i really can’t give it away#i’ve debating adding wings to it so it can be my flying fuck#i just really felt like sharing this#i have 4 tattoos and this is my favourite one#also fun fact i’ve gotten every single one of my tattoos with another person#my first i got with my dad (ew) when i was 18 and it’s a butterfly i designed#the next was a semi colon i got impulsively when i went with a friend to a flash tattoo sale and it was $13#then the fuck tattoo was /supposed/ to be a matching tattoo w my cousin#but we saw the artists flash tattoos and loved those more so i got fuck and she got a rooster saying cock#(we love them)#and then i got an R squared tattoo w my friend bc we have the same name#and i kinda love that about all my tattoos#anyways#personal rambles#tattoos#not stargate
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its really just one thing after another in this family (entertained)
#like literally just this week: my mums husbands ex-wife died and my sister has to go to the city for our dads court hearing#and all of this is happening while we keep up w our uncles cheating bc none of us unfriended him on facebook#i have to choose between two friends birthdays bc theyre within a month of each other and i can only afford to go up once#my cousins bank details got stolen while shes in another hemisphere sp she had to cancel her card and shit#AND the kitchen drawer is still broken#<- not as dramatic but it is annoying#captain speaks#thats not everything thats just this past 2 weeks
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