#and there was a break in on my block this week so everyone's been a little on edge.
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đđđđđđ | Joel Miller x reader x Tommy Miller
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summary | a moment of desperation and a kind gesture leads you down an inescapable path alongside two brothers and a town with a nasty secret
author's note | so. its been three months and a much needed break from this place, but i started this back in august with a fully fleshed out idea and then my motivation fell flat. i had a good chunk of this done and i love it too much to not post, even if just for myself. this will be two parts, this one and one coming in the near future. its so self-indulgent and not everyone's cup of tea. but an extra special thank you to the special and lovely people i talked about this with and that took a look at for me, i love you endlessly.
content warning | 18+ smut, dubious consent (relating to cannibalism), cannibalism, gore, mentions of violence, blood, demeaning language, joel is a hardass, high tension and angst, joel has weird kink relating to...you guessed it, this story is heavily joel leaning but tommy is a decent part of it, smut (oral), night swims, food/feeding tw, joel is a bit of creep here. please heed the warnings and pass if it's not your thing.
word count â14k
Long, desolate roads led you here. No telling how long you had until you would find the city skyline again, car running on fumes for the last ten miles, the sign at the end of the road pulling your attention up, eyes peering through the windshield as your car veered to the right and to a full stop.
Millerâs Farm, next right
Helped wanted, no experience needed
Hourly pay and lodging included
You had fifty bucks left in cash and half of that would go toward gas if you could find a gas station, your arms crossed over the steering wheel and blocked the blow to your forehead as you rested it against your forearms in frustration.The carâs AC was shotty at best, requiring you to hit it every half hour to keep it alive and even then it was a weak sputtering and a barely there chill that did nothing to quell the layer of sweat on your skin.
It takes several long, frustrating minutes before you decide that you donât have any other option.
You were stranded, this was it.
Maybe hospitality extended this far out into the country, that even this far from the city there were still a few good, decent people around. With a deep, heavy sigh you exit the car and shove your key into the door, locking it and pocketing the keys into the pack slung over your shoulder.
Itâs been weeks on the road, leaving pieces and pieces of you behind as you traveled. The lesser the weight, the lesser the burden. Were you running? You werenât sure. But, staying in one place for too long made you antsy. Town to town, taking odd jobs where they were offered, living off the kindness of others in hopes of making it somewhere seaside.
Start a new life, forget about your past.
Austin wasnât supposed to be your final stop, or even a detour, but the steps you took down the side of the road and toward the farm in the distance would be another place of temporary sanctuary. Hopefully.
Eventually the asphalt turns to dirt, kicking up gravel under your feet as you walk and covering your skin in a thin layer of fresh grime and sweat under the high noon sun. The barn, once a far-off dot, was now large and vibrant, that distinct red popping out amongst the rest of the dilapidated property, void of most color outside of dull brown. There was a house to the left, cluttered with a melody of things. Tools, furniture, plants, and things you couldnât even recognize.Â
You squint, hand over your brow like a makeshift visor as you look around and hope to see someone, anyoneâthis couldnât be the wrong place?
A truck under the hastily built carport and a trailer attached to the hitchâsomeone was home. You look around carefully, peering over your shoulder and finding nothing. There was no wind, no noise, and your breath caught in your throat.Â
Maybe this was the time to turn back and attempt your chances elsewhere.
The front door opening with a creak has your head whipping back over your shoulder to set sights on the person in front of youâa man, tanned skin and tall. He was stocky but lean, black hair tucked behind his ears and trimmed just above his shoulders. He looked clean, which was more than you could say for yourself. All clean-cut man, jeans and a casual shirt, boots tucked under his jeans as his hand curled around the front door of the house and half of his figure leaned out.
âCan I help you, darlinâ?â The twang flows out of his mouth naturally, taking a few steps out of the house before heâs closing the door behind him and following the small path of the front yard masked with clutter until heâs near you, a few feet away. âYou lost?â
âIâI saw the sign?â You implore, jutting your thumb over your shoulder in the direction of the road, âMy car ran out of gas, Iâm out of money and itâs hot. I was just hoping for some work to help get me back on my feet and out of your hair as quickly as possible.â
The man nods, readying to open his mouth before you continue.
âI donât mind the work, Iâm not picky. I donât have a resume or anything, but I promiseââ
âWoah, slow down,â You can hear the amusement, a smirk pulling at his face and you chew at your bottom lip nervously, fingers twisting around the straps of your backpack, âWeâre not lookinâ for some hoity toity types with degreesâyou comfortable gettinâ dirty?â
You glance down at your clothes, a few days without a shower and driving down sideroads with your windows down has made you look worse for wear, âAbsolutely. I just need the money and a bed, couch evenâyou wonât even know Iâm here if thatâs an issue for you. I can keep busy.â
You glazed over the we in his response, looking around curiously again.
He extends his hand unexpectedly, âIâm Tommy,â He introduces and you take his hand softly, feeling him squeeze firmly at your grip and the smirk in his face soften into a smile, âlistenâwe donât do the whole hirinâ process. I gotta run it by my brother Joel and thereâs a few cautionary steps we gotta take due to the work, but we can give it a test run? See how you feel?â
You felt inclined to ask what the work was, but you decided not to be picky.
And like a dinner bell had been rung, the other man appears out of the barn.
Joel, a stark difference to his brother in stature and cleanliness but the resemblance was uncanny in the way they carried themselves. A similar stride that felt intimidating, broad shoulders stretched out over taught muscle and a matching resting scowl on his face.
Something told you his expression was more permanent, though. His brow pulls together, eyes squinting as he looks you over. He was wiping at his dirtied hands with a rag, a sheen of maroon drying to brown that you could only assume was blood.Â
It was a farm. Animals. That meant slaughter.Â
The thought of it didnât make you vomit initially, so you considered that a good thing.
It takes one look and heâs giving a disparaging shake of his head, turning his head toward his brother to offer his opinion, âAinât worth the trouble.â
You instantly grimace, offering a less than subtle look of distaste at that man.
Stubbornness is what he notices immediately, but then your eyes are flicking back toward his brother who looks more confused now than when you had first approached the farm.
âYou said you were outta gas, right? Just needinâ some extra money?â He confirms and you answer with a simple nod of your head. He looks over at Joel, arms crossing over his chest, âSaid she doesnât mind gettinâ dirtyâwilling to help out wherever. Iâm sure we can find her some work, right?â
Joel looks you over slowly, a predatory gaze that makes you feel infinitely smaller. He was staring through you, seeing the deepest and darkest parts of your soul. His eyes were darker, nearly black and ringed with deep set under eyes from an obvious lack of sleepâwhereas Tommy, he was chipper and well-rested, eyes a warm amber and much more inviting.
âYou slaughter cattle before?â Joel asks, âCleaned up shit? Worked on a farm? Anything like that?â
You shake your head but quickly respond before he has a chance to speak, âI donât care what the work isâIâll do it. If I need to be taught, Iâm willing to learn. Iâm a quick learner too.â
Devotion is what he senses at a slower rate, the slow blink of your eyes as they flick between the two brothersâhe could give Tommy an ultimatum and turn you away, but something in his gut twists.Â
Sheâs useful, sheâs good. Good supply if it came down to that. Given you passed the tests.Â
But, there was something lingering in your gaze, yet to be discovered. Joel was curious.
âSend her to the doc, give her the guest room,â Joel tells Tommy after a moment of thought, sounding slightly irritated but it forces out the breath you hadnât realized you were holding, âYouâll start work when we know youâre cleared.â
You nod dutifully and Tommy returns a relaxed smile, âItâs a liability thing,â He promises, âand itâs heavy work, better to know if your body can handle it alright before we put you through the ringer.â
âWhatever I need to do,â You return the grin, tracking Joelâs departing figure as he re-entered the barn and disappears, âis he always that angry?â
âUsually,â Tommy replies, rusting around in his back pocket for a set of keys, âIâll give you a ride to the clinic and we can tow your car here tonightâto keep away anyone tryinâ to scalp it for parts. Sounds good?â
âSounds perfect,â You agree, wiping at the sweat on your brow with the back of your hand, âbutâdo you think I could take a quick shower first? Itâs just walking in the heat and itâs been a few days...â
âOh, yeah. Yeah,â Tommy stumbles over his words, but nods for you to follow him inside.
With trepidation, you take your first steps and follow.Â
And what youâre expecting is not what is revealed to you. It made sense that the disorganization would spill into the house, but it was nearly spotless. Pristine countertops and polished wooden furniture, a wall of file cabinets and a tucked away nook with a computer set up. It was like entering another dimension, your eyes tracking along the full expanse of the house before they land on Tommy, whoâs looking on with that same amusement as earlier.
âItâs a lot of work but I try to keep it clean here,â Tommy admits, âThe outside isâŚall Joel, mostly.â
You shake your head with indifference, holding your hands up in defense.
You werenât judging, it wasnât your place.
âThe shower is down that hall,â Tommy points toward the central hall, rooms lining each side, âfirst door on the rightâdid youâdo you have clothes?â
âOnly one clean pair left,â You confess, âbut Iâll make do.â
âWeâve got clothes, if you need them. Donât be afraid to ask.â
Thereâs a responsiveness to Tommy that intrigues youâapproachable, kind, a hard disjunction from his counterpart that was like a breath of fresh air. You donât allow yourself to linger either, making your way to the bathroom with quick footsteps and remaining blind to the rest of the house, hearing a sharp scuffle of a chair that you can only assume is Tommy as he sits and waits.
It was the easiest predicament you've dealt with in the last few months. But you werenât, not even for a moment, going to question it.
-
Itâs a small building near the edge of the town, only a half hour drive from the farm and sat in some silence, you find out a slow trickling of information that Tommy shares, his elbow propped against the open window and the other gripping tight around the steering wheel, his hair a wind-blown mess.
âItâs been in our family for years,â he tells you, traveling down the quiet road and the low hum of the radio mingling with his voice, âsâwhy it's a messâcanât be bothered to part with some of that junk.â
âIâm not judging.â
Tommy offers a look of skepticism, laced with a smile.
âIt is a lot of stuff,â you grin in response, a subtle quirk at the corner of your mouth.
âJoel is a little sentimental,â Tommy adds, âheâs always been like thatâharder for him to let shit go.â
You respond with a gentle nod as Tommy pulls into the parking lot of the clinic, exiting the truck with a swiftness before heâs at the passenger side and opening your own door, âOhâthat is really not necessaryââ
âMy momma would be rollinâ in her grave otherwise,â Tommy gripes playfully as his fingers curl around the open door, âso, just let me, alright?â
You donât argue, chivalry be damned.
There isnât much to be confused about as you step inside the clinic with Tommy in tow. He takes a seat near the door and the doctor, an old man with a limp and someone who refers to Tommy as sonâhe earns a casual nod in return and then youâre led beyond the door to the hall of other rooms.
It was a very typical line of questions, a general physical, and a blood draw that he promised would be pushed through quickly for the benefit of allowing you to work as soon as possible.
You try desperately to ignore the particular aura about the old man, thin-wired glasses perched on his sharp nose, age spots littering his face and bald headâbut the most glaring is the missing pinky fingers on both hands. It was so clean cut and well-healed that you assume it could be something he was born with, but the moment he spots you noticing, he seems to switch gears.
âYouâre all good here,â he tells you, âIf anything comes up Iâll give the Millerâs a callâyouâre lodging there, right?â
Your left eyebrow raises slightly, nodding hesitantly in response.
âGotten a few like you before,â he comments oddly, âIâm not passing any judgment, itâs just a question.â
âYeahâyeah I am. Staying there.âÂ
Increasingly creeped out as the seconds pass you breathe a sigh of relief as he allows you to leave, meeting Tommy at the front door with a less than comfortable expression. His eyes press a silent question but you shrug it off, hearing him bid a polite goodbye over your shoulder as you walk toward the truck.
Eventually, settled into the truck as Tommy turned over the ignition, he responds with comfort, âHe ainât the most approachable guy,â he admits, âbut heâs been helpinâ us for years.â
That was one way of putting it.
âHopefully I pass with flying colors then.â
Tommy shrugs, backing out of the parking lot with his arm thrown over the passenger seat, feeling the slight touch of his fingertips against the back of your neck through the headrest, âWe can figure somethinâ out anyways, seeing as youâre more than eager,â Tommy grins, teeth peeking through, âI like that.
â
Tommy gives you a proper tour when you arrive back, nothing extensive but he does walk you around the property. He shows you the animal pens; pigs, goats, a few cows wandering around the pasture. And the barn, but he doesnât enter. You note the lock hanging from the doors, clunky and rusted but securing the doors closed.
The inside of the house is less of a mystery, following Tommy as he lead you into the kitchen and showed off the expensive counter space and deep set sinkâif they didnât put a lot of effort into cooking then you didnât understand the reasoning for the size, but as the thought floods your mind, Tommy plucks it out and answers it.
âJoel is a better cook than me,â he admits, âanother bonus, home-cooked meals, a lot of our meats are ethically-sourcedââ The look you shoot his way is quizzical.
âGrass-fed and theyâre free to roam and forage for the most part, weâre not stuffinâ them full of grain feed to fatten âem up. We try to keep things humane. Joel deals with most of the dirty work and I stick to numbers and talkinâ,â he explains, âhe ain'tâ much for socializing.â
Joel enters at the mention of himself, grunting as he steps beyond the threshold. His coveralls hung around his waist, tied at the hips and the dirty undershirt stretched tight over his broad chest. He peeled off his boots at the door and Tommy leaned against the counter lazily, one foot crossed over the other as he folded his arms and looked over at you, eyes slowly dragging to his brother.Â
âShe cleared?â He asks briskly, âOr we sendinâ her on her merry way?â
âJoel,â Tommy chastises and Joel smirks, taking a quick glance over at you, âdoc said heâd call in the morning and let us know, we can spare a meal and a bed for a night.â
Almost as if you two werenât even there, he strips off his dirtied shirt and works at the tie around his hips with the hand free of the balled up cloth, âHope you like mess, girl.â
âIâm not picky,â You shrug, resting your hands loosely against your hips as he walks toward the same hallway you had traveled down earlier, âA little mud and grime wonât kill me.â
Joel chuckles softly at that, fully disparaging, âBlood make you squeamish?â
You shake your head, noting the caked bits of dried blood tucked in the crook of his arms and the creases of his neck, a faint pink tint from his chin down, âAs long as it isnât mine.âÂ
Tommy seems to tense at your wording, his arms flexing tight as he eyed his brother under a downturned gaze, staying quiet under the domineering energy his brother exuded.
âShe might just survive âround here,â he directs at his brother, a smarmy remark although more boastful than he had been since the first time he spoke, but the distaste for you still lingered, oozed right out of the disingenuous smirk crossing his face.
He ainât much for socializing.
It would only take a few weeks, you think. A few weeks and a couple cash payments and you could move onto the next place on your never-ending roadmap. You feel yourself breathing out a sigh of relief as Joel disappears, not realizing how long you had been holding it in.
âSâmuch as Iâd like to have nice home-cooked meal, I think itâd be better if I grab some dinner from the dinner down the road,â Tommy offers, keys clutched in his grip as he rocks on his heels, âIâm gonna pick up your car on the way back, like I promised.â
And then he smiles, again. But, thereâs a moment when it finally reaches his eyes and you canât help but return the gesture, âIâŚthink Iâll hide out in the guest room until you come back,â you admit, pointing toward the hallway, âno offense to your brother, butââ
âDonât take it personally,â Tommy assures, âdonât let âem intimidate you, either.â
Fight fire with fire.Â
It wasnât your forte, but you were hellbent on survival and you would adapt if you had to.
-
Youâve spent the last half hour sorting through a puzzle on your haphazardly made bed, chin tucked into your palm, eyes tracking over the pieces until you could find a suitable match and slotting it into place before repeating the process. The deft shift and click of a door being shut pulls your attention upright, assuming it was Tommy, you clamber out of bed.
What you arenât expecting is the solid chest that slams into your side, senses overwhelmed with the strong smell of aftershave and clean body washâit wasnât a particular scent, justâŚclean.
You look over, find Joel with a perturbed look on his face, a dinner plate hovering above your head and his expression turning more and more grim as time passes. âSorry,â you mumble, âthought you were Tommy.â
âI look like Tommy to you?â
You tilt your head, expression pinching together in annoyance.Â
Intimidation, just like Tommy had mentioned.
âYeah,â you respond coarsely, âbut at least heâs not acting like someone shit in his foodâdo you treat everyone like this who comes through here? Is that why you canât keep people around here?â
His arms drop then, strutting past you with heavy footsteps as he makes his way to the sink, dropping the dirty dishes and pressing his hands into the edge of the center island that sat opposite the line of cabinets and countertops.
âYou runninâ?â Joel asks curiously, ignoring your initial question. âCops gonna come lookinâ for you?â
You balk, offended by his asinine line of questioning.Â
âThatâs none of your business,â you respond to the first question before spitting out a venomous, âNoâwhat? Scared of a couple cops? Are you hiding something, Joel?â
That seems to strike a nerve decently enough that he rises, creeping around the edge of the island until heâs striding toward you, a hair's breadth away as you swallow hard.
You couldnât help itâhe was large, intense, intimidating without trying. He didnât have to speak, the image of him did the work itself. Even as he looked more approachable, clean clothes and a freshly shaven face down to a thin layer of stubble, almost normal in appearance. But, thereâs rage behind his eyes. It simmers slowly, a creeping boil that would come back to bite you if you allowed it.
âNo,â he responds truthfullyâat least, it seemed that way. His voice never wavered or faltered, he was strong and believable with his words, âbut two things you âoughta knowâone, donât go snooping around where your nose doesnât belong. Two, keep to yourself in this town.â
âAnd if I donât?â
âYou donât wanna find out,â he responds without hesitation, both of you snapping out of the intensity of the conversation as the front door slides open, a very focused Tommy stepping through the door with hands full of styrofoam containers full of greasy burgers and fries.
âNice,â Tommy notes humorously, âyou two didnât kill each other.â
Yet.
âGot us burgers for dinner,â he explains, holding up the bags, âthat alright?â
Joel clears his throat, hand wiping over his tired expression, âAlready ate,â he responds short, clipped. Tommy doesnât question it, but his eyes immediately catch on you, wondering what he had interrupted as he sees your body relax when Joel steps away. But, he shakes it off, offering a lazy grumble of a noise in response to his brother as he drops the food on the nearby dining table.
The dichotomy in the pairing is strange and you canât comprehend how theyâve managed to co-exist as roommates, let alone siblings. But, they were also strangers. You had nothing but assumptions racking your brain, so you pushed it away.
Eat, sleep, and face the next day with a different attitude. A fresh start.
â
The morning was met with a rustling of two other occupants as they moved about beyond the barrier of your room, voices muffled but constant as they carried on amidst your dreary haze, rubbing at your eyes tiredly. It had been weeks since youâve slept in a decent bed, not the backseat of your car or a mattress that felt like sleeping on a wall of bricks. You didnât have a reason to complain and given the circumstancesâa roof over your head, a space to yourself.
Youâd be stupid to argue otherwise.
Thereâs a quick whistle behind the closed door to your room, followed by a gentle knock.
âCome in,â you say groggily, muffling out the end with a yawn as you stretch your tight limbs and watch as Tommy peaks his head through the open door, already showered and primed up for the day, his gaze lingers on you for a while and watches quietly. It should make you feel uncomfortable, but it does quite the opposite as you offer a shy smile, ââis this the part where you tell me I have to leave?Â
Your hands slap the comforter as he widens the door, letting it thud silently against the wall as he leans against the doorframe, hip cocked into his right hand.
âNo, youâre all clear,â he tells you, nodding over his shoulder, âweâve got a few things for you to do this morning but I wanted to keep it light and let you get adjusted.â
You nod lazily and push yourself out of bed, rubbing at the goosebump chill that spreads over your arms as you feel the kick of cooled air spread through the room, âEnjoy it,â Tommy remarks, âainât gonna feel that good outside.â
Tommy departs with his trademark grin, albeit more subdued by his tired eyes as he knocks his fist against the doorframe. But, as youâre heading for the bathroom across the hall, Joel finds you again.Â
Heâs dressed for what you can only assume is a long day of work, thick pants paired with an even thicker shirt, skin covered from his neck to his feet and far too stuffy for the sticky humidity outsideâhis job couldnât be easy and you werenât faulting him for it, but the scowl on his face is getting under your skin and allowing its claws to find purchase within it.
He takes a sharp bite out of an apple you donât realize heâs holding until it is pressed against his lips, teeth digging into the skin, juices squirting out with the force of it.
âThereâs a full dresser of clothes for you in the corner,â He haphazardly points to the mahogany dresser tucked away in the corner, âdifferent sizes and shit, youâll have to find something. Since you donât have nothinâ.â
You eye him skeptical but donât argue, walking toward the dresser and pulling at the top drawer. It was a mix of new socks and underwear, all pressed and fresh in their packages. The next drawer, a mixture of different shirts varying in shades, sizes, designs. Your head turns on a swivel, watching as Joel takes another bite out of the apple, speaking around the food in his mouth.
âPeople come and go,â he explains vaguely, âalways leavinâ stuff behind, soââ
Again, he waves vaguely in your direction.Â
âGot it,â you answer curtly, turning your attention away from him.
You shake away the looming cloud of discomfort that Joel leaves in his departure and sift through the clothesâat least they were being hospitable. That was more than enough to allow you to push the uneasiness aside for the time being.
-
Tommy heaves the bucket of dirtied blades and utensils, cutting boards, and a collection of other tools that you werenât sure youâve ever seen in your life, all coated with dried, oxidized blood of varying animals, you assume. You didnât think to ask, didnât want to know.Â
Not yet, anyways.
Tommy rested his elbow against the edge of the bucket, having led you to the back of the houseâit was similar to a sunroom, an entire wall of windows that gave you a beautiful view to the fields behind the house. Miles and miles of land, undistributed by the hum of city traffic and noise. The other wall, a dead-on view of the barn that Joel barricaded himself in. Tommy looks over briefly as Joel makes his trek to the locked doors, a metal jug of water in hand, a meat cleaver in the other.
âWell, heâs a ball of sunshine,â you joke before picking through the bucket of items carefully, keeping your fingers clear of the sharp blades, âis this it?â
âMost of it,â Tommy admits, âfor now.â
You nod dutifully and watch as he explains things out in a few steps, rules to follow, a method of attack.
âSo, just rinse at first with some soap, disinfect with the alcohol, then repeat and lay it out to dry. Pretty simple, but they need to be clean,â he stresses, his teeth peeking out beyond his lips as he stresses the syllable on his tongue, âand always use gloves.âÂ
He grabs the rubber pair and offers it over before heâs speaking again, this time his words coming a little more hesitantly, âAlsoâI grabbed your car last night. I was gonna tell you over dinner, but I figured you needed a decent night of sleep.â
âAs long as you found it in one piece,â You joke, fitting your hands into the gloves, and the silence has your heart dropping into your gut, âyou did, right?â
âYeah,â his voice wavers with hesitation, eyes squinting slightly in a tell that he wasnât offering the full truth and you tilt your head, mouth turning down in frustration, âbutâit was pretty mangled.âÂ
âYouâre kidding meââ
âTires were slashed,â Tommy holds his hands up, palm out as he attempts to calm you, âthereâs some rowdy kids âround here always causing trouble. Weâll figure it out for you, alright?â
Your jaw tenses, teeth clenched behind a tight smile and you nod jerkily. A hard swallow and harsh breath later youâre looking at him with softer, kinder eyes.Â
âThank you, Tommy,â you tell him, âI feel like Iâm already causing too much trouble for the both of you, doesnât help that Joel would rather see me as roadkill thanââ
Tommy rubs a finger under your chin to pull your gaze to his, a fleeting touch that has you freezing in place but looking up aptly, eagerly. He scrunches his nose slightly and shakes his head, âDarlinâ, weâve dealt with plenty of trouble. You donât even come close.â
You laugh slightly, a grin pulling at the corner of your mouth.
Tommy claps his hands together gently before shoving them into his front pockets, looking over his shoulder briefly before his eyes are back on you, âIâm going to start on some paperwork,â he explains, âcome find me when youâre done?âÂ
You nod dutifully, turning to your task as Tommy leaves.
It isnât hard by any means. Itâs like washing dishes if you ignore the prudent smell and extra scrubbing to get the tools completely spotless before youâre running them through the steps that Tommy had listed off, attempting to ignore how weary your arms felt by the end of it.
Your eyes kept flickering toward the barn throughout, wondering if Joel would surfaceâtwo hours passed and there wasnât any sight of him. It was like he lived in there, a nocturnal animal that needed the seclusion and no direct sunlight. It couldnât be that enjoyable to be held up inside the barn all day.
When youâre finished you carry the bucket into the kitchen and place it on a nearby chair, tracking the back of Tommyâs head. Heâs tucked away in the corner at the desk heâd shown you the other day, typing away and sorting through a small stack of papers.
Curiosity kills, so you wander over.Â
Peeking over his shoulder, nothing really makes sense.
Itâs mostly numbers and an odd mixture of letters, a system that he must have come up with to track the intake of supplies and animals, some of them sorted by what looks like initials.Â
Tommy has a pen between his teeth and a calculator at his fingertips, typing away some numbers that add up to an amount that has your eyes bulging out, quickly realizing that this is none of your business.
He acknowledges your presence then, pulling the pen out of his mouth and looking over his shoulder with a curious expression, âFinished already?âÂ
âYeah,â you tell him, âIâsorryâŚif I was supposed to go slow.â
âOh no, youâre alright,â Tommy turns in his chair, computer screen fading to black behind him, âI still have some stuff to finish upâwhy donât you go check and see if Joel needs anything?â
âAre you sure thatâs a good idea?â
Tommy smirks but not in a way to tease or patronize, he understands the presence his brother gives off, all intimidating and mostly unwelcoming.
âJust give a knock on the door,â Tommy instructs, âdonât go inside, heâs really testy about that. If he needs something heâll answer.â
You compare it to something akin of facing the wrath of some beastly devil, gearing to attack.Â
Tommy offers an encouraging nod that you accept on less than enthusiastic legs, turning and heading out the front door with the surety that Joel would either ignore you or stir up some storm like he had the night prior.
He wasnât nice or cordial, not that he needed to beâbut it wasnât a wonder why they seemed to go through help around the farm, running people off with his hard stares and less than appropriate comments. If making you uncomfortable was his plan, he was succeeding.
-
Itâs quiet outside, morning slowly dissolving into afternoon. Itâs still hot, feeling the rush of hot air hit your face as you make your way toward the barn, noticing the unlatched lock but remembering Tommyâs words.
Donât go inside.
You knock, once with no answer. Again, notably drowned out by the rev of a chainsaw and then silence, a loud bang and rustling of dirt as footsteps come closer, instinctively you begin to step back, scampering away slightly as the door swings open just enough the Joel can fit his body between them, blocking you from peering inside over his large frame.
âYou need somethin?â Joel asks, his tone tight and his eyebrow arched slightly in question, his finger wrapped tight around the rusted handle of the barn door.
âTommy said to check if you needed help,â Joel seems to spot your curious eyes as you attempt to peek around his shoulder, his arm raising to curl around the side of the opposite, unopened door and pulling the open space tighter, his eyes peering down at you, âI finishedâinside.â
âAlready?â His voice is clipped but subtle with surprise, âYou're the first one in weeks that ainât emptied their stomach over that shit.â
It seemed extreme, but you knew that some people couldnât handle things like blood or guts or even the thought of slaughtering animals. But, to you, it wasnât that big of a deal. Sure, it was gross, but it wasnât going to kill you.
âIâve got a strong stomach,â you argue, shrugging your shoulders nonchalantly as your gaze refocuses on him, âbesides, I told you blood doesnât make me squeamish. Did you think I was lying?âÂ
âDonât know you,â He shrugs simply, âdonât trust you. Is that what you wanna hear?â
You sigh softly, trying to keep the fraying edges of your temper under control, âIs there anything I can do?â
Joel pauses for a moment, seconds dwindling into a territory that brought you silent discomfort as he looked you over thoughtfully before peering over his shoulder.
âActually, I got some scraps for the pigs. Think you can handle that?â
You hear the disregard in his tone and take the opportunity while he isnât staring you down to roll your eyes, just in time as he turns his head to look at you.
âDo you?â
Joel laughs at that. A genuine laugh, though quiet and short, you hear it. It was proof that he had a legitimate emotion outside of the one built around pure disgruntlement.
He disappears for a moment, barn door slamming shut in your face and before you even have time to breathe, heâs back. It's a heavy metal bin full of minced meat and a faint coppery smell that has you turning your head and huffing under the weight as Joel trades the bin off.
He points around the corner, toward the corralled pigs snorting near the entrance to their pin, sending the impending meal you were holding.
âJust throw it in there,â He gestures vaguely at the trough inside the pin, âtheyâll eat it right up. Oh, clean up the pin while youâre at it, the tools are in the shed out back.â
You nod slowly, digesting the information and feeling the liquid from the bin seep into the front of your shirt, the sensation making you curl inward, gasping at the coldness of it.
âShit,â Joel curses, âshoulda gave you the apron, thatâs always a messy task.â
He sounds honest, but you stare daggers back in return.
âNext time,â He offers with a half smile that makes you sick, âdonât take too longâif you want dinner.â
âIf youâre cooking, Iâll pass.â
Again, Joel chuckles. Twice in the span of five minutes.
God, maybe you were winning him over.Â
âIâm a good cook,â he says confidently, though the snideness in his tone lingers but barely, âyouâll regret sayinâ that.â
You snort softly as you shake your head, turning on your heels and toward the pigs, hearing the soft thud of the barn door.
It takes you a half hour to finish the task, grimacing slightly as the pigs frenzy toward their food, leaving you mostly undisturbed as you clean up the pen, catching Joel with his overalls tied around his waist, sweat dripping down his neck and his hair matted to dirty skin.Â
He seemed normal like this, natural. Dirtied and grimy, a permanent grimace on his face as he traded places with his brother, who was headed toward their truck.
You catch his eye, a waved offer in return for your smile.
Another moment alone with Joel sounded dreadful and maybe sticking out in the remainder of the hot summer day didnât sound too horrible now.
But, the poignant smell of the pig pen was enough to turn anyoneâs stomach, so you choose dread.
-
You and Joel trade off showers silently, working around each other in a less than comfortable silence, mostly trying your best to avoid him entirely, but you can only bear the avoidance for so long.
Freshly showered and in a clean set of tattered lounge clothes, you round the corner into the kitchen and catch Joelâs back, a white shirt stretched over tight muscle as his back tenses when he reaches for the burner, adjusting the heat on the stove.
His keen hearing clues him in, turning briefly over his shoulder to spot you. His expression is softer, but still mostly guarded. With Tommy not around, he was a wildcard.
âWhereâs Tommy?âÂ
Joel stirs away at the pot full of food on the stove, answering with a casual tone, âFinishinâ up some business in townâyou sure you ainât hungry?â
As if he knows, your stomach growls.
You had managed a decent breakfast and light snacking throughout the day, but the rich aroma of spices makes the food hard to ignore.
You approach curiously, noting the emptied but bloodied casing for the meat he was cooking, cutting board with a few stray vegetable ends and Joelâs gaze flickers to you once, then twice.
âYou want a taste?â Joel asks, lifting a spoonful from the pot, his hand hovering under the utensil, spotting your weariness immediately.Â
As a show of trust, or just plain good faith, he takes a sip of the broth before shoving the spoonful into his mouth, a clear indication that it was safe to eat.
Not that you thought he would attempt to taint the food, but it did ease your worries and you were hungry despite your feelings toward him, so you nod.
Joel smirks slightly and dips a wooden spoon into the pot again, bringing the food to your lips and watching as you blow, the steam bellowing up in front of your face and you sip gingerly, invaded with a burst of flavorful notes.
It was an instant indication that maybe you had judged Joel too hard on his cooking skills, impressed by how savory the food was, stronger than youâre used to, but it was still pleasant.Â
Joelâs eyes are stuck on you, gauging your reaction and his lips twitching as your eyes light up, a gentle nod of approval in response. He plucks a piece of meat from the spoon and raises his eyebrows in question.
You find yourself nodding instinctively and Joel drops the spoon into the pot, guiding the chunk of meat to your lips and you open your mouth willingly, feel the soft press of the food against your tongue and the tenderness of it, like butter as your teeth grind into the meat, feeling the swipe of Joelâs finger as he cleans up dripping line of sauce that slides down your chin.
And it tastesâŚfine. You wouldnât dare give Joel the immediate satisfaction that you thought it was good, because it was. It was a perfect, home-cooked meal. Your stomach was craving it, mouth watering even more as you swallowed that first bite.
Joel brings his sauce covered finger to his own lips, pressing the digit inside of his mouth and sucking. He wasnât wasteful, clearlyâsavoring every last drop.
âSo,â Joel grins wider than he ever has, still sated but it was new, welcoming even, âchange your mind?âÂ
You shrug indifferently, but Joel senses your intrigue.
âIâll give it a try.â
Thatâs all Joel needs to hear.
-
Somewhere between your first bite and your last, minimal conversation as you sit and devour the bowl of stew without a single qualm, you fall asleep.
It was a mix of exhaustion and a full belly, slumped against the table and your eyes falling shut despite yourself. Joel cleans quietly, dishes clashing softly as he washes the dirtied ones and wipes them clean, stowing away the leftover stew as peeks over his shoulder.
Youâre still sound asleep, plush lips pulling together in a tight line as you sigh, breathing out through your nose.Â
Joel rubs his hands over the front of his jeans, ignoring the half-hard jut of his cock against the denim, knowing the moment your lips slipped around that spoon he was a goner.Â
Heâs never gone that far, heâs never tried. He and Tommy have always kept to themselves and while Tommy didnât stick to a strict diet of Joelâs preferred meat, he did dabble on occasion.
Joel preferred it, and like his brother, was raised on it.
But, like many of the people that have come and gone, always through the process of ending up as stock for the Miller farm, Joel has never forcibly tried to push their beliefs on anyone.
Unfortunately, Joel had never met someone as intriguing as you. Not nearly as squeamish as the others, even fully grown men shying away from the task of cleaning pig shit out of a penâyou were strong, but stubborn. Joel admired it, but he liked the challenge of breaking it out of you too.
Heâd wake you eventually, but for now he watches. Arms pressed against the central counter, keeping him hidden in the darkness as the soft glow of the overhead lamp above the dining table illuminated you.
Joelâs come to recognize thingsâgood bone structure, volume of meat and muscle, all the things that make certain humans the perfect piece of product.
And you were just that.Â
A pretty penny.
â
Sometime in the middle of your bleary haze youâd made it to bed, whether with assistance or not you find yourself waking with a turn of your stomach and rolling out of bed in hurried attempt, feeling the force of bile as it made its way up your throat, fumbling loudly with the doorknob until you managed to pry it open.
You make it to the bathroom across the hall just in time to spill the contents of that evening's dinner into the toilet, attempting desperately to keep your wits, arms clenched around your stomach as you heaved relentlessly.
The cold hands come a moment later, icing the back of your neck as they push the hair from your face and offer a soft reassurance.
âHey, itâs alright,â Tommyâs voice cooed, his cold palm pressing against your forehead as your head lifted to look at him, tears streaming down your face now, âyou with me?â
You nod weakly, hearing Joelâs heavy footsteps before you spot him, his stocky frame filling out the doorway.
âMusta been dinner,â Joel supplies to his younger brother, âsheâs probably ainât used to the stuff âround here. Less processed, harsher on the stomach when you ainât had it before.â
Tommyâs gaze lowers, focusing on his brother harshly. It was a look of words unspoken, threatening intention and one that had you holding your breath, wondering if youâd done something wrong. His hand slips down your back, rubbing at the base of your spine.Â
In any other circumstance you might find yourself shying away, but you lean into it. He glances over, touching your skin once more. Left cheek, right cheek. You were clammy, mouth suddenly dry and begging for anything to quench the thirst or rid yourself of the sour taste in your mouth.
âGet her some water,â Tommy instructs his brother harshly, âand somethinâ cold, sheâs sweating through her clothes.â
Joel doesnât argue, half-expecting him to put up a fight. He retreats, knowing his wrong-doing but not finding the guilt inside him to care. Youâd assimilate eventually, they all do. Him, Tommy, nearly all the townsfolk have learned to adjust to this lifestyle. Unspoken and secret amongst the outliers, it was the way of life around here.
He returns with a glass of water and cold rag, passing them off to his brother, âDonât run off,â Tommy bites, âwe need to talk.â
Joel grinds his teeth at the order, watching as you close your eyes to the glorious press of the cold, wet rag as Tommy squeezed it against your face, your neck, before bringing the glass of water to your lips. A few seconds and one generous gulp later you find yourself cracking a joke amongst the tension, pulling a soft laugh out of the younger brother.
âIf you wanted an excuse to feel me up, you couldâve just asked.â
âOh, pardon me, sweetheart,â Tommy remarks playfully, âIâll keep that in mind next time.â
Joel sniffles awkwardly, tongue pressing into his cheek as Tommy passes off the items and rises to his feet, nodding toward the hall and motioning for his brother to follow.Â
âYou need somethinâ you shout, alright?âÂ
You nod obediently, flushing the toilet weakly before resting your head in your hands, attempting slow breaths to calm your racing heart, waiting for the second wave of sickness to hit you but hoping it never came.
There's a muffled argument on the other side of the wall, the tell-tale sign of Joel's gruff voice, tone clipped and decisiveâit was the same way he had spoken to you during your first argument.
-
âWhatâs our one fucking rule, Joel?âÂ
Tommyâs voice bites, hushed enough that you wouldnât be able to hear him, nor Joel as they slowly moved toward the front of the house.
âYou're gonna tell me not to do it?â Joel retorts, âI already did. There ainât nothing to argue.â
There was one thing they both knew for sure.
You werenât like the others.
âSheâs gonna find out,â Tommy assures him, âSheâll find out and then youâll be the one thatâs gotta do the dirty work, not me.â
âAfraid of me choppinâ up your girlfriend into tiny little pieces for Robert and Stan down the road?â Joel asks, a vicious and cutthroat way to take a shot as his brother, who he knew better than anyone.
Heâs grown attached too quickly. Joel had suspected, assumed by the immediate likeness to you, but the moment of care shared in the bathroom moments prior had confirmed that if Tommy wanted you, he could have you. The smile you offered in return for his kind efforts was enough for Joel to know.
So, yeahâ feeding unknowing people human meat was the number one rule. But, growing attached was the unspoken one that the Miller brothers had always followed, without fail.
 Until now.
âSheâs smartâcould use that, ya know?â Joel suggests, which is a surprise to Tommy.
His brother, who only ever thought about himselfâhe was suggesting you stay, that you could help.
âWhen are you gonna tell her?â Tommy asks, eyebrows raised in question as his hands settle on his hips, pajama pants hanging low. âTomorrow?â
âI ainât,â Joel responds without hesitation, âLike I saidâsheâs smart, sheâll figure it out.â
âJoel, if you donât tell her I willââ
âNo, you wonât,â Joel bites at his brother, stepping closer in an attempt to intimidate, âyou tell her and sheâll run for the damn hillsâlet her figure it out and sheâll confront you. Then weâll see how good you are at coverinâ our asses.â
It was Tommyâs job, the forefront of their business. He made the sales, talked to distributors in town. He was the faceâa pretty face, more approachable. Joel was always sharper around the edges, harder to read.
Regardless, it didnât matter. Joel had dug the hole for both of them and there was no way out.
â
You wake with an ache in your muscles and the instant need for a shower, covered in a layer of sweat that makes you want to strip your clothes instantly. You remember Tommy helping you to bed the night prior, the faint memories of you hunched over the toilet as you discarded your stomach contents and Joel watching over, observing, but the rest was a blur.
Not trying to waste anymore time, you quickly shower and dress, meeting the two boys in the kitchen as they readied themselves for the day, picking over breakfast. You settle for a couple of slices of bread, toasting them to a near crisp and snagging a ripe fruit from the basket on the counter, watching curiously as Joel makes a cup of coffee. It was the most normal course of action youâve seen him takeâhe even took it with sugar, but obviously no cream.
Tommy already tore through breakfast and was sipping on his own cup of coffee, looking up at you occasionally over the newspaper he was reading, knowing that you were attempting to eat light after the night prior.
âFeelinâ better?â Tommy asks.
Your nod is noncommittal but Tommy doesnât press.
Without prompting, Joel speaks, âIt takes some gettinâ used to,â He explains, âit ainât like the shit you get in the city.â
It would explain why he was unaffected, that maybe your stomach was just too weak.
âSame business today,â Tommy cuts in, ignoring the long stare you and Joel were holding, chewing slowly at the now soggy toast in your mouth, âwe might have some stuff cominâ in tonight though and weâll all have to offer a hand in unloading it, can you handle yourself?â
You approach him casually, stripping the peel off your banana as you take a bite.
âI can handle myself just fine,â you assure him, eyes pulling up briefly to regard Joel who was already departing for the front door without a word, ââyou sure he isnât trying to poison me?â
Tommy snorts softly, watching as you chewed thoughtfully on the banana and your gaze followed Joel through the windows, tracking his movements until he hit the barn. You feel Tommyâs hand graze your bicep, pulling your attention back toward him.
âHeâs not,â If it was a lie, you couldnât tell, âit all takes some adjusting, he isnât lying.â
His hand still hadnât moved and you looked down, his thumb rubbing over the exposed skin of your arm, âYou know, I did say all you had to do was ask.â Tommyâs eyes crinkle with laughter, not expecting you to remember your words from last night, âOr, thatâs inappropriate becauseâŚyouâre technically my bossââ
âThere isnât rules out here, honey,â His voice is warm, invitingâbut heâs still trying to keep himself at a distance, not too fast or too hard all at once. Heâd set out the bait and wait for you to bite it, âweâre just here to help out and mind our business.â
âOkay,â Your response is soft, a gentle lilt to your voice that makes Tommy smile, âand...thank you for last night. I know it isnât the most pleasant thing to wake up to in the middle of the night.â
His hand drops slowly, fingers trailing until they find your wrist and offering a gentle squeeze before his fingers depart you entirely, âI lived on this farm my entire life. There isnât much that I havenât seen or dealt with before. I think I can handle a little throw up.â
Tommy offers up the remainder of his coffee, still warm as you bring it to your lips and savor the rich tasteâit was much more your style, full of cream and sugar to the point where it might rot your teeth out.
And the day proceeds without problem, moving through the motions of the tasks Tommy had assigned you yesterday, along with feeding some of the other animals littered around the farm. Horses, cows, goatsâit was a wonder how they kept up with it by themselves. They were capable, but it seemed like too much for just two people. Regardless, it was impressive.
By evening, Tommy was pulling in with a truck full of secured and banded boxes on the trailer and Joel resurfaces from the barn by then, reeking something awful. You turn your nose away and scatter to Tommyâs side, earning a chuckle from the younger brother.
âYou get used to it,â Tommy tells you, âlike everything else.â
You eye Joel wearily, who seems less than amused. He offers a low grunt of acknowledgement as he stacks the boxes two high and heaves them up and into his arms, ignoring any attempt at small talk with either of you.
You couldnât be bothered to care, knowing that Joelâs behavior was nothing if not peculiar.
âWhatâs in the boxes?â You ask when both of the men are reaching for boxes, sliding a smaller one into your own grip. They share a look, uncertainty. Who speaks first? Lie? Truth?
Joel huffs quietlyâfine, half-truth.
âItâs stuff for cleaninâ up the barn. All the mess and shit. Interesting enough for you?â
Your nose crinkles at his tone, turning on your heels and heading toward the barn with the men in tow, âYouâre snippy today,â you remark at Joel and Tommy hollers out a laugh from behind you, full-bellied and genuine, âwhen are you gonna give me a tour of it?â
âThe what? The barn?â Joel asks for clarification before immediately shutting you down, âNever.â
Tommy shakes his head as he places the box down amongst the others, watching as you two bicker with shared looks and a soft giggle coming from you when you realize just how frustrated Joel had become, âIâm gonna head insideâtry not to kill each other, alright?â
When Tommy is finally inside, you place the final box down. Joel was rearranging them silently, occupied with the task as you step backwards slowly, turning your head over your shoulder as you reach for the barn door.Â
The curiosity was likely to kill youâjust a peek, that was it.
The creak pulls Joelâs attention up and heâs on you within seconds, door slamming by your head as his hand pressing against the flat of your chest, fingers itching to squeeze around your throat. You gasp, a guttural noise forced out of you as he pressed you into the hard surface of wood, feeling the splinters dig into your skin.
âWhat did I fuckinâ say?â He asks. No response. It sets his eyes ablaze, âAnswer me, goddammit.â
âMindââ You gasp again, sharp as his hand presses into your throat now, forcing you to answer, âmind my business.â
âDoesnât seem like youâre doing much of that right now,â Joel points out, âseems like youâre enjoying pressing that nose into places it doesnât belong.â
It was a barn, for christ sake. What the hell was he hiding?
âHey,â you croak, weakly, âdonât kill me, remember? Your brother wonât be too happy about it.â
âThatâs only because he wants to fuck you, girl.â He assures you, âYou ainât the first and you wonât be the last.â
Your gaze softens, fingers clawing at his forearm. The disappointment in your eyes was obvious, but a sting to Joelâs ego. Tommy was always the more favored one of the pair, there wasnât much he could do about it. But, it didnât soften the blow.
His hold lessens slightly.
âDid you think you were the only little lady thatâs come through here that my brother hasnât tried to sink his teeth into?â Joel grins in amusement, tapping his fingers gently against the side of your cheek. It was patronizing and foolish, but he couldnât resist teasing you for the dejected look on your face. âI like my privacy, alright? Donât appreciate it when people invade it.â
You nod quietly, lips opening to offer a weak apology.
âDonât say sorry,â he tells you, ânot when you donât mean it.â
Instantly, your mouth snaps shut. Joel smirks, satisfied that he was right about that.
You werenât sorry. You didnât care. But, you were scared. Eyes still wide as saucers and boring into his own, all blacked out with rage but quickly fading back into their usual warm brown.
âYou hungry?â He quickly adverts the topic, pulling at the fabric of your shirt to adjust it back into place like nothing happened, âIâm fixinâ to cook up dinner.â
Two could play at that game.
âIs it gonna make me sick again?âÂ
Joel shrugs, âMight. Might not. You willinâ to take that risk?â
â
You luck out, for the most part. Aside from the dinner being nothing short of delicious, it makes you slightly queasy but it was easily qualmed by a glass of champagne, a nightcap to the work day as Joel has already wandered off to bed after cleaning up, leaving you and Tommy to perch on the stairs out front, a cigarette stuffed between his middle and pointer finger as he flicks off the ash, sipping from his own can of beer.Â
âI forgot to ask about pay, you know,â You laugh softly, âjustâŚslipped my mind.â
âWeekly,â Tommy answers simply, âevery Friday. So, tomorrow?â
You do the mental work in your head, feeling like the days have blurred together. Realistically, it had only been a few but you hadnât expected how overwhelming those days would be, finally feeling the exhaustion settling in your bones as you rested beside Tommy on the front steps of the Miller home.
âYou feelinâ okay?â Tommy asks curiously, beer tipped to his lips as he takes a sip and awaits your response.
âA little queasy?â Youâre unsure what to consider it, that unsettling feeling in your gut. You werenât even sure if it was the food making you feel that way, almost certain that even a single look from Joel would give you the same feeling.
âYouâre thinkinâ about it too much,â Tommy points out, âitâll make it worse.â
You gulp down the rest of the cheap champagne and press the flat stand of glass into the stair besides your bare feet before leaning back on your elbows. Tommy mirrored you, crunching the aluminum can in his hand and tossed it aside.
âOkay, soâdistract me,â you responded pointedly, a kind smile sent his way.
Tommy takes a deep puff before youâre plucking the nearly finished cigarette from his fingers and bringing it to your own lips, feeling the nicotine burn your throat. Tommy doesnât seem fazed at all, used to it.Â
Maybe Joel wasnât lying about all those women.Â
This was a normal routine for Tommy. You were another passerby willing to take the bait.
âYou wanna go for a swim?â
Your brow raises curiously, amused.
Tommy looks on, awaiting your response.Â
âOh, youâre serious?â You ask, stuttering at the unexpected proposition, âUh, yeahâsure. I meanâŚwhere?â
âItâs a walk, but thereâs a lake behind those trees,â Tommy points off to the west, a long and dense line of trees surrounding the edge of the Miller farm, âfeelinâ up to it?â
Your mouth waters unpleasantly as you continue to sit with your thoughts, yearning for distraction. You nod.
Tommy grins wide and takes your hand into his own.
-
He wasnât lying. Under the moonlight, it was a huge lake with eerily undisturbed water. Pitch black and despite the hot and sticky heat, the water was cool to the touch as you dipped your feet into the shallow edge. Tommy is already wrestling with his belt, shucking his jeans down hastily and it forces you to move, stripping your own clothes off in time with him.
Down to your underwear you edge toward the deeper waters, hissing as more of your skin becomes engulfed in the ice cold plunge, feeling Tommy hover around you as he dipped under the water for a moment of time before emerging in front of you, pushing his damp hair from his face.
The cold water has you frozen, paralyzed.
âCome on,â he jests, âdunk yourself, itâll help.â
You shake your head hesitantly, managing the inch by inch efforts as you move forward slowly.
âIâll do it with you.â Tommy suggests, his fingers wrapping around your wrists as he wades the waterâyou feel yourself rising on your tiptoes to give yourself a few lingering moments before you have to force yourself under.
Tommy doesnât force you, only waits for your reassuring nod after a long moment of indecisiveness before heâs doing a slow countdown and youâre both slipping under the water.
Moments later, you emerge with a gasp but it is full of elation. Tommy had pulled you out deeper, forcing you to swim until neither of you could touch and you clung to him instinctively, feeling the words that fall from his lips brush the back of your neck, âDistracted enough?â
It had, truthfully. You nod in response, feeling deft fingers at your hips as they turn you, your legs kicking in a melodic synchronicity. His touch lingers for a moment before heâs pushing away, using his arms to gain momentum and swim away, looking over his shoulder with a silent challenge.
Chase him.Â
You giggle to yourself before following, moving gracefully through the calm waters. It continues like that for a while, minutes passing away effortlessly. The monotone buzz of insects hovering over the lake water and the insistent chirp of the crickets hiding in the grass kept your mind busy. It was peaceful out here, like the rest of the farm.
âSo, you grew up here?âÂ
âAll my life,â Tommy answers easily, âit isnât exactly tourist worthy sights out here, but it has perks. Where are you from?â
âHere, thereââ you answer noncommittally and shrug, earning a dismissive laugh from Tommy, âeverywhere, honestly. I donât stick around places for very long.â
âWhich reminds me,â Tommy interjects, âyour car should be fixed up soonâbut, if you wanted to stick aroundââ
âI donât think Joel would appreciate that,â you respond, feeling the heat of his gaze on you despite the farmhouse being miles away, âbesidesâIâm just another mouth to feed.â
âMost people who pass through here donât last more than a day,â Tommy admits, âit may not seem like it, but heâs warminâ up to you.â
You reminisce on the heat of his palm against your throat.
If looks could killâŚ.
Joel would have maimed you at that moment.
âHeâs a dick, but he ainât immune to pretty girls,â Tommy teases and it makes your gut twist, âwe donât get many women through here anywaysâI think heâs just forgotten how to talk to âem.â
You think back on Joelâs words again and decide to poke the bear.Â
Swimming toward the shore you turn your head over your shoulder and speak, âYou know, he said this is a bit of a routine of yours,â you begin, âseducing helpless women who come asking for help.â
Tommy rolls his eyes lightheartedly, chuckling at the absurdity of your words.
âJoel told you that?â Tommy inquires, swimming toward you. You turn on your hands, slowly scooting your way upshore with your palms until your ass is pressed against a bed of rocks buried in the dirty, shallow water lapping at your shins. âHoney, itâs been nearly a year since any type of lady came across our farmâand the last one? It was some old lady needinâ a jump on her car.âÂ
Tommy is edging closer now, on his hands and knees as he works his way forward.
âPeople see the farm and they drive in the other direction,â Tommy admits, âbut, not you.â
You lean back slightly as he hovers over you. Your heart pounds in your chest, a salacious grin spreading across his face.Â
âHelpless, remember?â
Tommy shakes his head slowly, âAinât nothinâ helpless about you.â
You bite first, silencing him with a heated press of your lips against his own, your hand curling around the back of his neck and your blunt fingernails pinching at his skin. His hiss turns into a warm chuckle. He spreads his palm out over the inside of your thigh and beckons your legs apart until he can fit between them comfortably before it curls around the side and pulls you back in, your knees barricading his hips.Â
He coaxes you back, taking the balled up shirt on the shore and sandwiching it between the dirt and your head as he pulls back with a low sigh, eyes half-lidded and switching between your lips and your steady gaze, catching the way your tongue licks at your bottom lip.
âNeed a little more distraction?â Tommy asks softly, the fingers on his free hand toying with the waistband of your panties, awaiting the nod of confirmation. It comes without thinking and heâs peeling the fabric off gently, watching as it stuck and rolled against your skin, sopping wet from the lake water as they fall to the ground with a soft squelch.
His fingers curl around the back of your neck, pushing forward in a way that beckons your chin up, meeting his lips in another hot and messy exchange of tongue and sweet, soft sighs breathed into each otherâs mouths, feeling the tingly pulse at your core as his fingers drag through the center of your pussy. There was no mistaking the slick that had gathered there amongst your heated exchange, a low hum rumbling in his throat as he leaves you, sinking further and further down your body, eyes locked on your own.
âOpen up for me,â he commands gently, his hands curling around your thighs as he settles on his stomach, âfuckâthat, just like that. Goddamn girl, sheâs glisteninâ for me.â
He chuckles at your meek response, looking away with a subtle smile that made you want to crawl away from him, but he held you firm.
âNothinâ to be shy about,â he reassures you.
You exhale slowly, a calming breath that quickly melts away as he licks a broad line up your cunt with his tongue, through your folds and slurping up with sweet, sticky slick. You gasp, hands curling into fist helplessly, moaning out into the silent night. There was the softest wisp of a breeze that blew over your skin, prickling your skin. But, itâs beat out by the heat of Tommyâs touch as he pulls your hand to his scalp, silenting guiding you toward his long locks and hoping you get the idea. You curl your fingers into his hair and tug, pulling his motions up toward your clit and he sucks, sucks so hard you think you start to see white before he smooths the intensity out with the gentler licks of his tongue.Â
It doesnât take long before youâre coming with a loud moan, nearly uprooting yourself from the ground as he holds you still, the insistent wiggling of your hips from the overstimulation of his tongue enough to make you beg, plead even.
âTommy, pleaseâstop, sâtoo much. Too much.â You breath out in a hurry and eventually, a few greedy seconds later, he relents.
He rises with a sated smile sometimes later, watching as you desperately try to catch your breath. Whatever uneasiness you were feeling in your stomach earlier was long, but it didnât snuff out the mental feeling of it. Fear, worryâlike you were being watched.
-
The weeks beyond that pass with ease, falling into a steady routine.
Your car still sat untouched, but you couldnât find it in you to be a pest about itâthings were going well, a steady paycheck and roof over your head. You could bother them about it eventually, but not now. Not while things were good.
By October, the air is cooler and the work is easier to handle. Sometimes you help Tommy on the administrative end, filing away paperwork with information that doesnât make much sense to you, as much as you try to piece it together. But, you do know theyâre bringing in money. And lots of it. Absurd amount, actually. You donât press Tommy on it either, worried that it would pop the pristine bubble around you both.
He was smitten, kindâsometimes he would sneak into your room at night instead of the latter for you, tiptoeing around Joel in the chances he might have something, anything to say. Heâd lied to you about Tommy for his own benefitâbut why? You tried not to dwell on it.
But, eventually you find yourself around Joel more often than not. Or, attending to him.Â
He still barricades himself in the barn most days, only popping his head out as he calls for thingsâbut thereâs one particular evening where things, usually calm, fly off the rails.Â
Mentally, at least.
And it isnât the most auspicious way to let you in on their secret, but Joel canât seem to rid himself of you. Youâre always there, lingering, and even if you werenât certain of things, suspicion had been raised long ago.
You werenât even sure what you were trying to confirm, or if Joelâs unsettling nature was just a ploy to scare you into behaving, but you could feel it. Something was up.
Heâs tasked you with feeding the pigs a number of timesâitâs always gross and messy and not a favorable task by any means, fortunately youâre used to it. But, a large, stray rock buried in the dirt robs you of normality and the bin of bloodied scraps spills out as you land on your hands and knees, the skin scraping off your shins against the rough ground and a loud hiss slips beyond clenched teeth as you scramble to get back on your feet, looking around in desperation and hoping that neither of the brothers had witnessed your misstep.
Your nose scrunches up in disgust as you hold back a gag, scooping the discarded scraps back into the bin, the meat like mush beneath your fingertips and you reach for a bigger chunk, immediately startled by the more solid texture of it.Â
Joel usually grinded up the meat, making it easier for the pigs to consume. But this, it was a whole and solid chunk. You push the bin away gently and swipe away the chunks of congealed blood and fat and rub your thumb over the texture of it. Thick, solid. The color was dull and pale but there was no mistaking it. It was skin, but more notably amongst that was the tattoo. It clearly wasnât the full piece, a couple letters surrounded by an intricate design where it was precisely sliced.
Youâve heard of people using pig skin for tattooing, wondering if Joel was taking up a side hobby amongst the already interesting career path he had taken, but something doesnât sit well.Â
Five pigs, that was how many youâd seen since you arrived. You push the bin weakly toward the pin on your hands and knees until you can find the strength to dump it into the trough, allowing the metal to clatter to the ground carelessly as the pigs flood to their food. One, two, threeâŚand two stragglers trotting over leisurely. Five pigs, not a single one missing.
The creak from the barn has you peering quickly over your shoulder, eyes landing on Joel as he leaned around the door, a perturbed look on his face. You thought it was worry for a split second and as he came closerâcurious and cautious over the loud noises he had heard when his saw cut deadâit was.Â
He spots the blood on the ground first, a mess you had made. His eyes follow the trail of blood to the pin before they travel over you, covered in the rest of what didnât make it inside the trough and then your legsâyou donât feel the sting until he kneels, his fingers running over your knees, tiny bits of dirt and gravel buried in the wound as his fingers continue down your shin. His eyes scan the expanse of the property before theyâre locked back on you.
âGet inside,â It was a cold demand, detached and emotionless but you canât move, frozen with a fear that didnât hit you until Joelâs fingers touched your skin, âgo onâyou can walk, canât you?â
Vehemently, you swallow down the lump in your throat. Human skin, not pig skin. You werenât feeding the pigs scraps of other animalsâit was humans. Weeks of clueless wandering, the itching feeling of uneasiness was confirmed for you in seconds. The bile in your stomach was threatening to escape as you walked on wobbly legs to the house, falling down into a chair tucked under the dining table, flexing shaky fingers into fists over and over, slowly in an effort to calm yourself alongside your practiced breaths.
Tommy wasnât here. He wouldâve come running otherwiseâyou vaguely remember the truck missing as you made your way inside, wondering how distracted you had to be to not realize he left. You hear Joel clearing his throat as he approaches the door, swinging it open harshly as it nearly pops off its hinges.
You make the effort to move, but Joel is quick to snap at you.
âStay put,â He commands, eyes washing over your stoic expression.
You mustâve been a sight, wide-eyed and disturbed, following Joelâs every move. You were covered in a mix of your own blood and someone elseâsâmaybe not even one, it could be multiple. Joel seems to sense your stomach turning and lunges toward the trash bin in the kitchen and quickly shoves it in front of you, barely catching the vomit that spills from your throat as you retch your breakfast up forcefully.
Joel moves quietly amongst your sickened state, grabbing a few supplies that he slides onto the table beside you and waits, kneeled down at near eye level as you peer up, wiping the string of spit from your mouth and he looks enthralled, wondering what had caused such a chaotic string of events to unfold.
âYouâre upset,â He notes, ripping open a package of cotton balls and pouring a handful onto the table, popping open the cap of isopropyl alcohol, dosing the cotton before he was pressing it into your leg without warning, earning a sharp whine of pain from you.
Was he expecting a different reaction?
âFuck!â You shout, shoving the trash can aside as your fingers dig tightly into Joelâs shoulder, earning a fiery look from the manâbut if he wasnât willing to give you sympathy, you werenât going to return the favor, ââyou are too, are we pointing out the obvious?â
His fingers drag along the back of your calf, position your heel against his hips as allows no relief, haphazardly pouring a small amount of alcohol against the wound and you grip the wood of the chair so hard you swear you hear it crack.
âJesus, ease up,â you snap at him, âI fell, I fucked up. Iâm sorry, is that what you wanted to hear?â
âWhatâre you apologizinâ for?â
Thereâs a distinct rip of tape as you watch Joel smooth the gauze over your shin, securing the bandage over the wound before he works carefully at your knee, cleaning the cut before leaving it alone and moving to the opposite leg.
âAre you not mad at me?â
Joel chuckles dismissively, eyes flicking up toward you briefly, âNot everything is about you, girl.â
Fed up and simmering with your pain, you donât think and the words slip from your lips before you can stop them, âIs it about Tommy then?â
Joelâs hands still, stopping the slow dragging lotion down your wound as he tilts his head up at you curiously, âYou think Iâm jealous of that little thing you got going on with my brother?â Joel shakes his head in amusement, his teeth peeking out beyond his grin, âI donât get jealous. If I want somethinâ, Iâll take it.â
The words pierce your chest, knowing there was deeper meaning beyond those words but you look away carelessly, feeling his less than gentle press into your skin as he continues.Â
âBusiness is slow, I donât like it.â Joel admits, hearing the hesitancy in his voice as he admits it, but it seems harmless. In his mind, you have no clue of the nefarious nature behind their work.
Except, you do. Or at least you think you do.Â
âIs there any way to fix that?â
Joel shrugs, âTommyâs workinâ the people around town, doing all the talking. Weâll see if it works.â
You have two choices.
Admit what you found or bide your time, poke around and see what you can findâyou know that wonât go over well with Joel, or Tommy, even. So, you call his bluff.
Because somethingâbe it Joel or that sinking feeling in your chest, tells you that whichever path you take would lead down the same road. You werenât leaving here without a fight.
âDoes the body reject it the first few times?â
You ignore the way your voice shakes, the recognition sitting with you, knowing that they had fed you the meat without your consent. Tommy, too. Heâd sat there at the dinner table and tore into the meals all the same, less intrigued as his counterpart, but he was still an accomplice.Â
Joelâs expression changes, like switch flips. Bandaging up the opposite leg he rises, answering with a clipped, âYeah.â
Silence amongst the clattering of items as Joel piled them into his arms and stored them away, another question slips past your lips.
âWas it on purpose?â
Joelâs brow raises, but he doesnât answer.Â
âThe tattoo,â You explain, âdid you want me to find it? Or did you fuck up?â
At those words, he lunges. His hands grip the table behind you, pinning you against the chair as you lean back and look up, feeling the deep rumble in his chest.
âI donât fuck up,â Joel retorts and your eyes stray from his hardened gaze, âNoâlook at me. Now.â
Your teeth dig into your bottom lip harshly, but you listen.
âYou knew,â Joel challenges, âlong before that, Iâm sure. You couldâve ran if you wanted, granted youâve got that busted car out front, but you couldâve ran. Hell, you could have while you were outside just nowâbut you listened to me.â
You know what angle heâs pushing, backing you into a corner and you feel it, that tingling feeling of guilt in your gut. He was right, you could have.
âWhat are you hidinâ in there?â He presses, eyes narrowing as his pointer finger taps gently at the center of your forehead, âIâm telling you weâre murderers, cannibals, and you havenât screamed or shed a tear. You arenât scared of me, are you?â
You shake your head and Joel speaks again, âScared of dying though, right? Whatâs stoppinâ me from killing you? Tommy ainât here.â
The finger on your forehead follows down the center of your face until Joel can reach your chin, tilting it upwards.
âYou like it here, donât you?â
There was no nod, but the subtle twitch in your cheek as you bite down hard on the inside of it was enough of an answer for Joel. Donât give him those words, donât give him the satisfaction.
âYou killed before?â
Another question that goes unanswered, but your actions give you away.
You twist away, desperate to flee his touch. Joel isnât done with you yet, one hand pressed against his knee as he leans down to your level and the other grabbing for your face, forcing you to look at him.
Admittedly, they werenât all bad men. Some of them had tried to attack you on the road and ended up at the wrong end of a blade, but othersâthe few with bad timing and things you neededâŚit was collateral, in your eyes. Seven of them that you can remember, all unsuspecting men with an eye for the meek and defenseless.Â
You snarl slightly, fighting against his hold but Joel is stronger, much stronger.Â
âKnew youâd be useful,â Joel admits, âsâwhy I let you stick around. You got thatâŚlook about you.â
Your brow furrows in a mix of disgust and confusion and you catch the way Joel spaces out for a moment, admiring your expression and you twist, shoving him hard with both hands in an attempt to send him stumbling back. It only forces him off-balance and your attempt to flee is stopped by his large, bear-like grip on your forearm as he throws you against the wall, knocking the air from your lungs.
âNuh uh,â Joel mocks, âcanât letcha go that easy, sugar.â
Joel's grip on your wrist is deadlocked, crossing your arms over your chest tight, pressing himself against you. Under this light, this closeness, you notice the small scars, years of healing left it fading into the skin and Joel notices you admiring for a brief momentâincredibly brief as your teeth clamp down around the side of his hand. Hard. It breaks through the skin and forces blood to spill from his hand and pool into your mouth before he pulls the wounded hand back and balls it into a fist, freezing as you spit his blood back into his face, an instant chuckle ripping from his throat.
âThere you are, ya little killer,â He goaded, his eyes ticking up at the sound of a car door slamming outside and a wide grin spreading across his face, âwell, isnât that some fine timing.â
The door swings open a second later and Joel has already pushed away from you, nursing his flesh wound with a dry, clean kitchen towel, leaving Tommy to examine you both with a less than auspicious gaze, blood ringing your mouth and a smug expression on his brother's face.
You approach Tommy hesitantly, reaching for the door with a worried gaze but his hand comes up too, slamming against the flimsy frame and preventing you from roaming further.
âCanât let you out, honey,â he apologizes, his voice more sincere than youâve ever heard it to be before his head turns up toward his brother, waving around a white envelope addressed out to the both of them, âwe gotta figure somethinâ out.â
He tosses the letter on the dining table and slides his hand down your forearm, a softer grip than his counterpart but it didnât leave room for argument, jostling you around until he could get the front door locked, dead-bolted, and secured.
âThis is home now, baby.â Tommy soothes.
Because really, where else did you have to go?
#joel miller x reader#tommy miller x reader#joel x reader x tommy#joel miller smut#tommy miller smut#joel miller x you#tommy miller x you#joel miller x y/n#tommy miller x y/n#the last of us fic#the last of us#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller fanfic#cannibalism tw#my writing#wouldn't be me without a fucked up concept
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Peach! Mrs. Pasta here...checking in for the second time in a few days!
Normally I just lurk in and smile to myself when I see your posts and banters with your followers. But tonight I just couldn't resist...
Ramen, bless him, is getting really good at the non-specific, vague-turnaround, deflective answers to personal questions! I'm impressed.
Also...Nobody keeps their hands more to themselves than Ramen does when he's around a lot of salty things. Is he on a low-sodium diet? Is that why he exercises such great self-control when it comes to these things? TBF, he's very gentlemanly when it comes to being around women, especially costars/colleagues.
I can see (most) people on here are either tired, upset, tired, over it, or a combination of both. I can understand that, especially for the mods that run these blogs. I notice that for a lot of people, separation of professional and personal for their favorite celebrity can be a difficult task. I don't blame anyone for feeling that way, it can be hard to "not think about THAT" when you just want to enjoy "THIS". I will say this though.
Something I have found time and again to be true, is that IF something/someone/someplace is meant for you, things will fall into place. If something is NOT meant for you, no matter what you do, things tend to fall apart. You can try and put it back together, but then something else falls. This has happened to me personally recently, where I was in a situation where I wanted to make something work because I thought I had no other choice and I didn't really want to rock the boat further and go searching for something else. Unfortunately, the more I tried, the more I compromised and kept on staying, the worse it got. I'd fix one thing, another would break. I'd get over one hurdle, another inconvenience would pop up. Finally, I decided to take matters in my own hands and started actually listening to what the universe was trying to guide me towards. It was very hard for me to do this, as I'm more of a logical/rational person, than a spiritual one (I don't really like reading signs or feeling energies to tell me what to do)...But I tried a different approach, and started asking the universe, "If this isn't right, what should I do?" And I would listen and wait, and then tangible things would happen, and then I started making different decisions and taking different approaches. Almost immediately, things started changing for the better. I'm in a much better place now (figuratively and literally).
Just some food for thought: Let things play out. They will. And hindsight is always 20/20. Think about it. I believe Anne's blog has a library that can be helpful for those interested. If all else fails, keep coming to Jen's blog where she posts stories, baking, and general hilarity to keep everyone's spirits up. You are truly a beautiful soul, Miss GeorgiaPeach! <3
Mrs. Pasta! Welcome back. Clearly, your presence has been much needed this past week. Which I do say that there is a reason one shouldnât consume too much sodium. I suppose were all bloated, and now need to fast.
Ramen is quite smart. Heâs playing it coy and vague, non-definite answers. Heâs doing good, despite a quick facial change with some questions. Itâs funny to watch.
For someone that is quite a gentleman and claims to love PDA his hands do seem quite to himself. But it is a family movie after all, wouldnât want to be too obvious, I suppose.
I think a lot of people are tired, and more so tired of ongoing arguments that suck the life out of the fandom, much like an overly salted diet. So maybe itâs just the influx of salt that has everyone red in the face? But this is why I implore anyone to curate the space that you want. Filter tags, block blogs, unfollow blogs, create the space that you watch to see with personalities that jive well with your own.
The universe is quite a tricky lady. She usually makes way for things that are for you. Usually when you try to fit a square peg in a round hole, youâre met with resistance. You can sit there, and smile youâre doing it, but others around you will eventually be able to see that you are in fact creating a bigger problem with an impossible task. Iâm glad you were able to get to a better place once you listened, and were aware that what youâre forcing isnât for you.
I do think that hindsight is 20/20. There always seems to be something poking around that pops up at the last minute. Eventually things either fall into place, or youâve created a big mess. @anneslibrary is a great well of information. And of course @annislittleshopofhorrors herself is a peach in her own right. You are a beautiful soul from the inside out as well, Mrs. Pasta. Take care, and never feel afraid to pop on by when you can.
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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damn i kinda dont like it here anymore
#will still post when i get back to skyblock but i've been on break for like a week now and Do Not wanna go back yet#and on the mcyt side... ew#keep getting gut-wrenching feelings every time i look at my notes and have to see your guys' icons#i take back what i said initially seeing wilbur makes me ill i want nothing to do with him#reblogs old posts etc NOTHING. im not mass deleting bc again archive or whatever but he will NOT be back here as of now#so like. yall with the c!wilbur icons. cut that shit out. please consider how it makes other people feel lmao#none of that separating the character and creator shit I Dont Want To See Him. ANY of him. i dont care if ''it's not him''#goes for other nasty ppl but sbi-adjacent ppl are more likely to be the ones interacting with me. so more relevant#you're free to do whatever YOU want im not saying you HAVE to change your icon. but you'll probably get blocked at least by me lol#idk how everyone else is taking it bc i follow like 2 mcyt accounts nowadays but that's how i feel. i dont want him here anymore#it's like this stuff keeps following me around it feels impossible to avoid while i run this account#ugh#maybe one day this account will finally get set to private and TRULY be Just An Archive
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#sorry for being so afk recently#it probably won't change#i haven't had a calm moment since mid-December and it's starting to gnaw at my brain#and now the only irl place where I felt somewhat happy is falling apart bc of in-group-politics#it's so annoying#can't we just all breathe for a second?#can't everyone stop being passive aggressive assholes to each other for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES?#i don't want to pick sides#i don't want this stupid group to break apart#something has been feeling off since October and last week my friend and I finally put our finger on it#and BOY figuring it out has.not.helped.#meanwhile all I've been doing has been watching old races from the 90s#bc the only thing that makes my brain shut up at the moment is cars going vroom in a circle for 1.5hrs apparently#every irl interaction atm feels like walking on egg shells#and the only thing that's stopping me from crying every time i get home is just keeping myself busy and not thinking abt my life ever#anyway my insurance has blocked me from therapy for the next 3 years so that's great#.....i don't want to come on here and just complain but nothing has been going right recently.#maybe i'll be back to normal eventually but not at the moment#not for a while
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like đ god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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I hate it when my brother orders food & not only refuses to answer the door himself but also neglects to tell anyone a delivery person is coming like..Not only is it super disrespectful to leave the delivery person hanging if no one else can answer the door, but it's potentially dangerous for them to come at night in the dark, especially when it's below freezing like tonight.
Also in related news, I just got jump scared by someone at my front door with a flashlight.
#and there was a break in on my block this week so everyone's been a little on edge.#I hope he tips the driver too. I have a bad feeling it's the reason why he doesn't answer the door.#It pisses me off bc if I'm upstairs it takes my disabled ass a bit to get down there & in that time he could have answered it himself#he does this almost daily BTW#in OTHER related news his wife may have heard me complaining about him stomping left over bar soap into the drain like a toddler#so she bought him one of those 100% FOR MEN!!!!! EXTREME!! body washes shaped like a vintage motor oil can.#bc I know he refused to use any of her vast collection of body washes for being ToO gIrLY. Why are men like this.#Also yes I am absolutely dragging him today. Mind you he's the older sibling..#bla bla bla#about my day#end rant
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Iâve come to the conclusion no one should dorm with someone whose name ends in âaceâ
#like okay#my roommate is named ace and they been absolutely Horrific for the past TWO YEARS#theyâre getting ghosted the second I move out on Friday (unfortunately theyâre staying here all week so I have to Actually deal with them)#but thereâs. too much to unpack there for the tags#my bestie is rooming with a Grace and sheâs also soft blocking her as soon as she moves out#cause apparently Grace comes back to the dorm at godawful hours of the night WITH OTHERS and ends up waking my friend up every time#additionally she talks shit about my friend like 24/7 for like. her fashion taste? and the fact she tells thing like she sees it?#like one of the things is Grace is pissed that my friend told her âhey getting blackout drunk every night ainât good maybe. stopâ#AND my little sister was rooming with a DIFFERENT Grace#and she was bad enough my little sister had to MOVE OUT HALFWAY THROUGH HER FIRST SEMESTER#Again a little too much to unpack there for tags but. use your imagination ig#and all three of them break almost Every dorm rule but none of us can report them for it#cause like. the rule for if alcohol is found in your dorm is EVERYONE goes down for it#and in my sister and Iâd cases our roommates started smoking in the room (Ace was weed Grace was vape)#but my sister and I are both. super sensitive to that stuff?#like for me smoke and the smell of that is a migraine trigger that will end with me in the er#and ace knew this. and still smoked ON MY COUCH. AND THEN LIED TO MY FACE ABOUT IT. AND DID IT REPEATEDLY.#they didnât even wash anything on the couch to get the smell out but considering they fucked on the blankets on it and then just. left them#for me to deal with Iâm not suprised. at all#meanwhile my sister has really bad asthma and canât have people vape around her or she starts having an asthma attack#but the rules in our dorms for that are the same as alcohol and neither of us wanna risk going down for it#my sister lucked out on having others she could move in with but all of my friends had roommates that werenât going anywhere#so Iâve been stuck with ace the whole time#but still!!#anyways Iâm sure most -ace names are lovely people but itâs an interesting trend Iâve noticed#Friday cannot come soon enough I stg
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having one of those stupid days where everything is stupid
#went on break like 20 minutes late bc everyone fucking orders stuff right as i'm trying to leave and i get outside and it's fucking pouring#and i got stopped at a red light THREEE times on the way to pick up my food even tho it's basically across the street#and also apparently everyone forgot how to fucking drive cause everyone on the road was acting stupid#and THEN when i got back someone fucking took the door block out so i had to walk around the building to the side entrance to bring#my coworkers their sandwiches in the the rain#so now i'm fucking soaked and overstimulated and agitated and when i have to go back in i'll still have 6 fucking hours before i can go home#and i've been consistently busy out the ass every weekend for the past 3 weeks and ALSOOO our stupid fucking owners#are doing this valentines promotion where i have to put a fucking heart shaped ding dong on EVERY SINGLE SHAKE#whether the flavor makes sense or not and it's literally so much extra work for me#like i am literally at my limit fuck my stupid baka life fuck this gay earth and GOOD DAY SIR!!!#kyra's ramblings
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I COULD PLAY THE DOCTOR (I CAN CURE YOUR DISEASE)
pair: logan howlett x fem!reader
wc: 4.1k
contains: 18+ SMUT MDNI, swearing, established relationship, logan's pov, written with origins!logan in mind, nat veering dangerously closer to a/b/o territory with every passing day, rut cycles, oral sex (fem!receiving), fingering (fem!receiving), multiple orgasms, gratuitous amounts of dirty talk, p in v, rough sex, biting, hair pulling, size kink, belly bulging, pussy pronouns, one (1) single use of the word daddy, scent kink, pain kink, breeding kink ofc, knotting (donât look at meâŚ), squirting, porn w/ plot, no use of y/n.
natâs note: donât look at meâŚi donât know how many times i swore up and down iâd never write something like this but iâm a confirmed liar apparently soâŚhere. i mean i just figured i'm in a rut artistically so therefore the only answer is writing logan in a rut physically...i can do what i want and i don't need to explain myself or my horny thoughts. also, i debated posting this in the wake of everything that's gone down over the past two days that is still escalating and will continue to escalate in the coming weeks, but i think everyone could use a little escape from how scary things may seem right now. take a break from all the terrifying news sites and read about logan wanting to breed you :) kisses!
divider by angel @saradika-graphics!
it's been another six months, and logan needs your help...
The burn starts on the walk home from work, a pulse of heat deep in Logan's gut that grows with every step.
It spreads slowly, sinking into his muscles and seeping up his spine as he rounds the last corner, your place less than a block away now.
It caught him off guard this time, an itch burying itself under his skin earlier in the day only to get worse and worse as he worked.
He usually knew the signs well enough to feel them start creeping in, and he was dead sure it wasn't for another few weeks.
Apparently, he was wrong.
Loganâs jaw clenches as he picks up his pace, every nerve ending in his body straining to break into a full blown sprint at the thought of you, all alone and waiting for him.
His fingers curl into tight fists, nails pressing into his palms to ground himself, though itâs hardly enough. The faint scent of you drifts up from his shirt, not even a long day at the lumberyard enough to drown it out.
By the time he reaches your door, his heartbeat is a heavy thud in his ears, syncing with the building ache of desire wracking through his body like the earth rattling boom of a raging thunder storm.
He fumbles through getting his key into the lock, hands unsteady as he tugs the door open with a little more force than necessary and finally steps inside.
The second he closes the door behind him, the heat surges, thrumming through his veins and flooding his chest. Your scent fills the air completely, stronger now, wrapping around him so thick and sweet.
"Darlin'?" His voice comes out rougher than he intends, but he's beyond caring.
Your voice floats from the other room, casual, warm enough to send a jolt through him. Logan drops his axe from his shoulder, leaning it against the door as he starts down the familiar path to your bedroom.
You're spread out on his side of the bedâoblivious, curled up with a book, wrapped in one of the flannels he must have left the last time he stayed over.
Just the sight of you does something to him, like a match dragged against a strike pad, damned on setting everything ablaze.
You glance up, and the soft smile on your lips falters as you catch sight of him.
Logan knows what he must look like, his eyes all dark and predatory, chest heaving as he rakes his hungry gaze over you like a wolf watches a lamb grazing too close to its den.
He doesnât say anything at first, just stalks toward you with a purpose thatâs as undeniable as the heat pouring off him in waves.
The book slips from your fingers, forgotten, as you lean back, the small sound of your breath hitching under the weight of his gaze is music to his ears.
Logan pauses at the edge of the bed, towering over you, letting himself drink in the way you look. So soft and serene, like some kind of invitation that begs him closer. His flannel draped loosely over your shouldersâshrouding you in his scent.Â
The urge to pounce on you fights against his normal instinct to savor every second, to draw it out until the heat pooling in his gut becomes downright unbearable.
âBeen thinkinâ about you all damn day,â he mutters, voice thick and dark as molasses, rough from restraint heâs quickly losing. His knuckles brush against your thigh, then tighten, holding you in place as he leans down, his breath hot against your neck. âThinkinâ about what I was gonna when I finally got my hands on you.â
Your skin blooms with warmth beneath his touch, and he grins against your neck, the edge of his teeth grazing you just enough to make you squirm. He growls low in his throat, that itch heâs been fighting nearly all day clawing its way up to the surface with a vengeance.
The primal urge inside of him screaming to claim claim claim take take take mate mate mate breed breed breed.
You tilt your head to the side with a soft sigh, freeing up more space for him to nose along your skin. âIs it time?â
Logan's breath catches as your question hangs in the air, thick with anticipation. The soft simplicity of it ignites the wildfire burning in his gut, every ounce of restraint slipping away like sand through his fingers.
âYeah, baby,â he growls, slipping his fingers under the worn cotton of your shorts, feeling the bare skin beneath. âItâs time.â
You shift, hands going to the buttons of his flannel like youâre going to take it off. Logan stops you, taking your wrists in his free hand.
âDonât,â he breathes, shaking his head hard enough that his hair flows with it. âLeave it on.â
The thought of you covered in his scent, of his scent mixing with yours to claim you on a level only he can discern sends his mind buzzing.
You look up at him with those wide, trusting eyes, and something in him cracks wide open. The tenderness of your gaze pulls at him, like a tether pulling him back from the edge, but that heat still smolders in his blood, fierce and unyielding.
Logan runs his thumb along the racing pulse of your wrist before he drops them. His hands venture lower, fingers pressing against the inside of your thigh, tracing a deliberate path that makes your body tremble under his touch.
You let out a shuddering breath, the scent of your arousal swirling through the air is enough to make him crave more.
In one rough tug, Logan yanks you towards the edge of the bed as he falls to his knees. Your hips held tight in his hands as he lurches forward, burying his nose in the soft junction where your leg and inner thigh meet.
He inhales deep, greedy lungfuls of your scent. A guttural growl rumbles through his chest, his eyes screwing shut at the sheer amount of too much that courses through him. He feels dizzy with it, high on the pheromones pumping from you in waves.
Youâre soaked already, the wet fabric of your shorts melded to the shape of your cunt. He canât help but run his nose along the slick seam of you, reveling in the way your legs twitch on either side of his head, in the short gasp you let out.
âLogan.â Your voice is nothing but a mewl, pleading and desperate.
âMissed you,â he rasps, his voice rough, almost unrecognizable. The edge of need in him makes his hands shake, sliding up your thighs, urging them even further apart as he settles between them.
Loganâs fingers dig into your skin, he lets his thumbs brush up, hooking them into the waistband of your shorts to tug them down your legs in one sharp yank. He groans at the sight of you completely bare, no underwear.
âFuck, look at you,â he grates, his thumb coming down to slip through your dripping cunt. Your hole flutters desperately around him, needy little clenches like itâs trying to suck him in. âSheâs all ready for me, huh? Been waiting for me to come home and give her some attention?â
âPlease,â you whimper, your voice thick with longing, the sound going straight to his head, clouding his thoughts.Â
Loganâs pulse races as he watches your body arch instinctively toward his touch, the desperate need in your eyes igniting the raw urges coursing through him.
He canât deny you; he never could. Youâre a feast laid out before him, and heâs starving.
Logan leans closer, letting his tongue flick out to taste you like heâs wanted to since he left for work this morning.Â
âFuck,â he breathes, closing his eyes and losing himself in the moment. He licks a broad stripe from your entrance to your clit, savoring the way your body responds, the way your legs tremble and your hips twitch against his mouth, seeking more. âTastes like fuckinâ heaven, sweetheart.â
The taste of you is intoxicatingâsweet and tangy, flooding his senses with every drag and swirl of his tongue.
Logan canât help but moan against you, the sound vibrating through your body as he dives deeper, his nose nudging against your slick entrance as he shakes his head back and forth like an animalârubbing the plush skin of your inner thighs red and raw with each rough drag of his coarse beard.
Every flick of his tongue sends a shockwave through you, and he revels in the sounds you makeâeach whimper, each moan, a sirenâs call urging him deeper. He laves his tongue around your clit, sucking it gently, pulling at it with his lips as you writhe beneath him, begging for more.Â
He keeps your thighs spread wide, two strong hands pinning them to the mattress so he can devour you just the way you deserve, the sharp dig of your heels into his shoulders only spurs him on.
Your hands bury themselves in his hair, tugging him closer, and he groans into you, letting his tongue delve deeper, seeking out every bit of sweetness he can coax from you.Â
Itâs pure sin, each sound you make, each shiver that runs through you as he takes his time, drinking you down like a man starved.Â
The ache in him intensifies, his own need growing, pulsing. Heâs hard, has been hard since he walked through the front door.
His cock strains against the zipper of his jeans, need pulsing in time with each pump of his blood through his shaft, circling around the base, threatening to expand even without the tight grip of your pussy surrounding him. His hips jerk up on their own volition, desperate for any friction.
âJust like that, Logan,â you gasp, voice breathy and trembling with pleasure.Â
The way you say his nameâraw, desperateâmakes his blood run hotter. He grips your thighs tighter, anchoring you to the bed as he drinks you in, wanting to lose himself in you completely.
Logan pulls away just long enough to catch his breath, looking up at you with lust-drunk eyes, drinking in the sight of your sweaty cheeks, your heavy-lidded gaze, the way your chest rises and falls with each shuddering breath.
The pulse of his cock intensifies, urging him to speed things along. The base desire of his own instincts is getting harder and harder to ignore under your adoring stare.
He feeds his fingers into your clenching hole with no warning, a satisfied smirk tugging his lips up at your sharp gasp. He runs his tongue along his bottom lip, the entire lower half of his face still shining with your essence.
Your cunt swallows him, two thick fingers sinking into the velvety heat like itâs nothing.
Logan groans as he feels you clench around him, your walls fluttering and drawing him in deeper. âThatâs it, baby,â he mutters, his voice hoarse with need. âSo fuckinâ ready for me, so ready for daddyâs fingers in your pussy.â
Your mouth drops open in another devastatingly desperate noise, your hands twist his hair roughly, soft breasts rising and falling each time you gasp for air. The dim light of the sunset filters in through the blinds, highlighting the curves of your body, slick and shining with a thin sheen of sweat.
Every clench of your walls around his fingers shoots a thrill straight to his cock, making him ache with the urge to bury himself inside you. The overwhelming need to take you completely, to mark you and fill you, pulses through his veins until he feels like he might explode.
But heâs not done tasting you yet. Not until youâre practically dripping onto the sheets.
He lowers his mouth back to your core, sucking your clit into his mouth as his fingers pump faster. The sudden intensity makes your thighs shake around his head, and he grins against you. He wants to see you fall apartâwants to feel it.
âLoganâplease, IâŚâ You can barely get the words out, voice breaking as your whole body strains against him, desperate and needy.
The wet slap of his palm against your spit soaked cunt is loud in the quiet of your bedroom, blending with the loud keens that fall from your parted lips. He crooks his fingers, rubbing at that soft, spongy spot inside of you.
âCome on,â he mutters, slick lips brushing against your clit as he speaks. âGive it to me, baby. Show me you're ready for my cock."
He drags the sharp edge of his canine against your pulsing clit with barely any pressure, and you're coming.
Your whole body tenses, back bowing off the mattress as you let out a broken cry of his name. The bite of your nails digging into his scalp feels harsh enough to draw blood, a feeble attempt at grounding yourself against the onslaught of pleasure.Â
Your trembling thighs tighten around his shoulders, gripping him like a vice as your shaking cunt gushes around his fingers. Logan groans at the feeling, eyes slipping shut as you drench his wrist and chin in your juices.
Even then, he doesnât let up, fingers pumping relentlessly as he draws out every pulse, every aftershock of your climax, every tiny spray of your release splashing against his wrist.Â
Heâs lost in the feel of youâslick and trembling under his hands, the scent of your release filling his lungs, thick and intoxicating.
You slump back against the bed, body limp and spent. His own need is a driving, aching force now, clawing at his insides, demanding more.
He slips his fingers free from your dripping heat, dragging them through the wetness coating his chin as he licks them clean with a growl, savoring every taste.
âGood girl,â he purrs, voice thick with pride and satisfaction as he pulls back, leaving your thighs twitching in the wake of his touch. But he still isnât finished. Not even close.
You barely have time to catch your breath before Logan crawls up the bed, his eyes locked on you, pupils blown with need. He looms over you, hands planting on either side of your head. His cock grinds against you through the rough denim, and you can feel just how thick and hard he is, throbbing through the fabric, demanding to be freed.
With a low groan, he shifts his hips, dragging his bulge along your soaked cunt, sending another jolt of pleasure racing through you. His hands are all over you, gripping your waist, hot and possessive.
âFeel that?â he asks, pressing his lips the wild flutter of your pulse, the need to sink his teeth in the soft skin of your neck raises the hair on the back of his neck. âThatâs what you do to me baby. Got me hard as a fuckinâ rock, just aching to be inside you.â
Your arms circle his shoulders, clawing at the fabric off his shirt. âNeed you inside me, Logan. Please, want it so bad.â
The pure need lacing your words, your scent calling out to him, the way he can feel the front of his jeans getting soaked through with the slick pouring from your cunt all pull him deeper into the recesses of his hind-brain.Â
The mounting desperation to stuff you full of his cock finally reaches a fever pitch.
With a deep growl, Logan rears back as far as he can bear, just enough to tear his shirt over his head before he fumbles with the heavy buckle of his belt to free his aching cock.
He shoves his jeans down, boxers quickly following until thereâs nothing separating him from the cool air of your bedroom. His cock springs free, hot and flushed an angry red color, drooling from the tip enough that it drips down to stain the pretty floral sheets of your bed.
Your eyes zero in on him, mouth dropping open at the sight. His cock so heavy it doesnât curve upward to slap against his stomach, instead it hangs down to sway between his thighs as he moves closer.Â
Your legs spread as he nears, slick covered thighs parting to make room for him to slot between them. So obedient, so good, so well trained.
Logan takes himself in his hand, nearly wincing at the blazing temperature of his skin. He secures his hand around the base, squeezing where his knot threatens to pop before heâs even got in you.
He slips the angry head through the folds of your cunt, slapping it against your clit with a wet âthwackâ sound. He can feel the way it twitches and shakes, just as desperate as him.
âLook at that,â he mutters darkly, eyes glued to where heâs laid his cock flat against your stomach, leaking pre-come all over your soft skin. âHowâs it gonna fit, baby?â He shifts his hips, sawing his length back and forth to see just how deep in you heâll be.
Your glassy eyes drop, a broken moan passing through your slack lips when you take in the sight. Your hips rise off the bed, grinding your cunt along the seam of his heavy balls, along the prominent vein trailing up the underside.
âDonât worry, baby,â Logan grits out, eyes hooded and dark as he watches you grind against him. âYouâre gonna take it all. Gonna make you feel every last fuckinâ bit of me.â
He groans, gritting his teeth as he presses in further, each inch a battle against the tight, molten heat that grips him like a vice. Your body shudders as he fills you, your slick warmth pulling him deeper and deeper, and he sinks down until heâs fully seated, his hips flush with yours.Â
The pressure is mind-numbing, your walls clenching around him in rhythmic pulses that make his vision blur. He stills for just a second, savoring the way your body stretches around him, hugging him in a way that feels like it was made for him alone.
Logan watches your face as you adjust to the stretch, your brows pinched together, each breath coming fast and shallow, your eyes glazed with pleasure.
Then, your hands come to his shoulders, nails digging little crescent moons into his skin as you nod your head, ready.
Itâs all the confirmation he needs. His hips pull back before he slams in again, the force of it jolting your whole body. He presses his forehead to your shoulder, teeth bared as he muffles a snarl against your skin.
Logan thrusts again, and again, and again, hips setting a merciless pace as he watches the way your breasts bounce with each thrust, each little shudder.
His mouth waters with the need to taste, to sink his teeth into your supple skin hard enough to pierce clean through, hard enough to scar.
Sweat drips down the length of his spine, across his brow. It mats down the hair scattered over his chest, his dog tags slick with it when they bounce off his skin with each thrust. The grip of his hands tightens on your hips, itâs taking everything in him to hold back and yet he knows youâll still bruise tomorrow.Â
Pretty hues of dark purples and yellows in the shape of his fingers, ones heâll catch you admiring in the bathroom mirror, pressing your own fingertips into them to feel the dull acheâto remember this moment.
âMade for this, arenât you?â he rasps, his voice dark and possessive. âMade to take me, to be mine.â
The words barely leave his mouth before heâs bending down to capture your lips in a searing kiss, swallowing your cries as he drives into you, pushing you both closer to that sweet edge.
âFuck, Logan,â you gasp, breaking the kiss as your body trembles under him. âCanâah!âcan feel you in my stomachâŚâ
Your hand drops from his shoulder, slipping between your bodies to rest over the sweaty expanse of your belly. Loganâs eyes follow your path, a feral growl bursting from his chest before he can stop it.
Heâs transfixed by it, sure that if he pressed his hand to the soft skin of your lower stomach right over your own, that heâd feel it. Feel the way his cock punches up against your insides, so deep it's like heâs rearranging your guts to make room.
âFuck.â His voice is nothing but a gravelly rumble, hoarse and dark as midnight. His hips speed up impossibly faster, chasing the feeling of your clenching walls choking the length of his cock so tight he thinks it might snap off at the base.
The flimsy headboard of your bed slams against the wall, creaky mattress springs screaming under his ministrations.
You feel like salvation, like the first rays of light after too many years spent in the dark.
He feels it with each kiss of his cock against your cervix, in the way your lips fit in the junction of his neck, in the red welts your nails leave on the skin of his back. He feels alive, truly alive, for the first time in decades.
âSay my name,â he grates, his hand cupping the back of your neck, coaxing you to look up at him, lips close enough to taste the heat radiating from his skin. âTell me who you belong to.â
"Logan," you gasp, your voice breathy, edged with desperation as he pushes you closer to the brink. "Yours. Only yours."
A broken, shaky noise falls from his lips as he buries his face in your neck. He mouths at your skin desperately, presses his nose to where your scent is the strongest.Â
Flashes of his release spraying your insides play behind his closed eyes, thoughts of drenching you so thoroughly that it has to take only forcing his hips to slam against the rippling muscle of your ass like you have your own magnetic pull. He feels it building, the slow swell of his knot presses against your folds, ready to burst.
âCome on, honey,â he begs, thumb coming down to rub slow circles over your slick clit. âCome with me, soak my cock. Show me how much you love it, how much you love me.â
Pathetic little uh uh uhâs fall from you with every thrust, broken up only by the breathy whines of his name as he pounds into you hard enough to push your body higher up the mattress. Finally, with a loud roar, he stuffs his growing knot inside of your cunt.Â
Loganâs teeth sink into your neck before he can even think twice about it, the thick spray of his come filling you as his hands pull your hips down even further over his cock. He needs to be as deep in you as possible, to press forward until he canât anymore, until his aching balls are flush with your gushing cunt.
He watches with rapt attention as you come with a loud wail, just from the feeling of his knot slotting into place. The clamp of your thighs over his hips is nearly as tight as the way your cunt seizes around him like itâs scared heâll leave.
He groans at the over stimulation of your cunt milking his cock. Your slick leaks around the base of him, your shaking hole plugged so full it can only slip along the creamy ring to splash weakly against his thighs and hips.
Logan licks along the spot where his teeth pierced your skin, planting one last kiss before heâs taking you in his arms and rolling onto his back atop the mattress. The plush comforter sticks to his skin, your own sweaty body slipping against his as he tries his best to not jostle you too much while keeping you stuffed full of his cock.
He holds you to his chest until your breathing evens out, until your body stops trembling on top of his, until youâre nosing along the column of his neck.
âLogan?â Your voice is tiny, hoarse and scratchy. He feels your hand drawing absent minded shapes along the skin of his stomach. A circle, a star, a figure eight, a heart.
âYeah baby?â he says, pressing his lips to the crown of your head, eyes slipping shut at the content feeling that spreads through him.
âLove you,â you murmur, voice soft but sure, the words slipping out without hesitation.
Itâs the first time youâve said it today, and hearing those three words from you sends warmth flooding through him.
Logan shifts slightly, pulling you even closer, his hand moving to the back of your head, cradling you with a kind of tenderness he used to think heâd never be capable of. âI love you too, darlinâ. More than you know.â
Your body relaxes against him, the lingering effects of your shared intimacy still buzzing through your limbs, but now thereâs a sense of peace, of safety, and a deeper connection.
He can feel the way your fingers curl lightly against his skin, the quiet smile that must be tugging at your lips as you press a kiss to the side of his neck.
And in that moment, with everything settled around him, Logan knows that this, right here, is everything.
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#â đŻđ˘đľđ˘đđŞđ˘ đ¸đłđŞđľđŚđ´ âĄ#áŻâ
đ§đđ'đŹ đŠđđŤđŹđ¨đ§đđĽ đĽđ¨đ đđ§ đĄđ¨đ°đĽđđđ!#natalia cant write anything under 1.000 words#DON'T LOOK AT ME#maybe i'm starting my period soon#idfk#match my freak y'all#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlett fic#logan howlett imagine#logan howlett smut#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#wolverine fic#wolverine imagine#wolverine smut#x men x reader#x men smut#marvel x reader#marvel smut#mcu x reader#mcu smut
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No one as sweet as you - Mafia!Stucky/Reader
⌠Pairing: Stucky/Reader ⌠Word count: ~9,4k ⌠Rating: Explicit ⌠Warnings: Mafia AU, best friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, angst, fluff, protective!stucky, TW: reader is verbally and physically abused by john walker, idiots in love, sharing a bed, poly relationship, piv sex, dirty talk, cunnilingus, praise kink, pet names (Sweets), unprotected sex, creampie. ⌠Summary: When youâre hurt by your boyfriend you go to the two people you can depend on for anything, Steve and Bucky, your best friends. ⌠Note: This is a fic that was previously posted on AO3, at the beginning of the year. But since I'm stuck in writer's block right now I thought I would post this in case you haven't read it. It's one of my favorites. There are some short prequel fics to this also posted on AO3, about when they were living together in college. I'll post those too in the following weeks.
Series masterlist
Masterlist | AO3
The bouncer gives you one glance before he opens the door for you and the line of people you pass shout angrily but you donât even spare them a glance, your thoughts elsewhere. The music in the club usually invigorates you but tonight it passes through without leaving a trace.
Making your way to Monica at the bar, the people you pass shoot you weird glances and you know you must look a mess. When she sees you she comes right over, the music is too loud to talk so you share a squeeze of the forearm in place of a hug before she pours you your favorite wine, with a pitying smile at your smeared mascara. You throw a kiss at her before making your way to the back and once again the big man at the door opens it for you after a quick look.
The music is muted as you make your way to the stairs at the back that take you up to their private room. When your heels land at the top and you meet Bucky's eyes he lifts the girl currently on his lap off and declares "Everyone out."
Steve shoots him an irritated look before his eyes follow Bucky's and sees you. You stand perfectly still while the women and men who were enjoying a private party with two of the biggest mobsters in New York mill past you down the stairs, some even shoot you dirty looks.
When the last person has passed, you take a step towards them, but before you're two steps in, Bucky has taken the glass from your hand and Steve has lifted you into his arms. You cling to him, hands grasping his shirts, and finally, you know youâre safe.
Steve sits down with you in his lap, cradling your head to lean it against him, the other arm holding you tight at your waist. Bucky's palms are gentle when he rubs your back soothingly. None of them say anything at first but the tears running down your face speak for themselves. You made it all the way without breaking down but with them, you can be vulnerable. For the last seven years, theyâve been the rock, the shelter, and your haven.
"Talk to us, Sweets," Bucky's voice is only that soft with you, maybe sometimes with Steve too, âWhatâs going on?â You try to take a deep breath, but it just stutters. After a few more tries itâs better but youâre not sure where to begin. They give you time, and don't press you on information, like they otherwise do in their line of work.
Finally, you release Steve's shirt and instead, you find the hand he has wrapped around your waist, twisting the rings on his fingers as you try to speak. You don't want to look at them, the shame and the anxiety is running high in your body but you want to tell them, you just have to find the right words.
"You know the guy I've been seeing," you start and feel Steve's arms tighten around you. Before you can say more Bucky mutters "I'm gonna kill him." Steve is calmer and asks, "What about John, Sweets?" He speaks into your hair, his voice is gentle but it has a hard edge. "He's been so sweet since we started going out, but he's been having a rough time at work lately," you squeeze your eyes shut, not wanting to remember, your heart beating like crazy. The memories bring forth the panic and the fear again and your breath gets shallow.
"It's alright Sweets, you're here with us, nothing can hurt you," Bucky's low voice is comforting, together with their touch, and you know heâs telling you the truth. Itâs the reason you came here instead of going home.
You take a few more breaths and continue "So I thought I'd do something nice for him. We had a spa day and while he soaked in the tub I made dinner and dressed up for him." Frowning hard, your fingers spin the rings on Steve's hand faster and faster the more your anxiety builds, knowing whatâs coming.
"And everything was great until I poured the wine and spilled some on the tablecloth." Your mouth opens and closes a few times and the tears start to fall again but Bucky is there with his thumbs, cradling your face and brushing them away, while Steve rocks you gently in his embrace.
"He was furious," you cry. "Said I ruined everything! He threw the wine in my face, then the bottle across the room. He tried to grab me but I ran out of there." There is a long silence when you finish, itâs just your sobs and the music from the other side of the wall. Then Steve says "I'm gonna fucking kill him," his voice laced with rage, and he hugs you even closer.
"I took a cab here, I didnât know where else to go, I didnât wanna go home." With the last words out you feel a small relief. Youâve told them. Youâve told someone. The scene still plays in your head, seeing John's eyes turn black with rage when the drops of rosĂŠ landed on the white linen, feeling the fear when he started screaming.
"Thank you for telling us, Sweets. Youâre an incredible person," Steve says and moves you out of his lap and over to Bucky's. They treat you with the utmost care, moving slowly, giving you time to protest if you want, or detangle yourself if that's what you desire. But you let them manipulate your body how they like because sometimes they know what you need more than you do.
"You did nothing wrong," he goes on to say, holding onto your hands, letting his thumbs caress the skin. "John is an absolute fucking asshole and no one should be treated like that.â You meet his green-blue eyes that are only soft for you, and Bucky. Right now, Steve isnât the feared mobster that people avert their eyes from when he enters a room, scared theyâre going to end up in a ditch because they looked at him wrong. No, this Steve is your best friend.
"I don't want to be scared, and I don't want to go home in case he comes there," you confess. "You'll stay with us," Bucky decides, voice finite. "Letâs go home so you can take a shower and change clothes." You nod and are about to stand up but Bucky is quicker, changing his grip and holding you close as he gets up. He carries you to the car and doesn't let go of you until you're in their mansion, in the room you have there.
When he puts you down your feet are a little unsteady and they both look at you with concern, but you give them a weak smile âItâs okay.â "We'll be right outside, shout if you need anything," Steve tells you and when you nod they both step out and close the door softly behind them.
For a moment you stand still, trying to make sense of the last hours, wondering how everything went to shit. Then you finally get a good look at yourself in the tall mirror and see the black rivulets of mascara and eyeliner smudged down your cheeks, the foundation almost gone.
The dress is ruined by the wine and even if it was expensive and you can get it dry cleaned you donât want it anymore. You pull it off and throw it into the trash can, quickly followed by the heels. The lingerie is one of your favorite sets but you're unsure if you will ever be able to enjoy it again without remembering how you chose it especially for John. After a moment it goes into the trash, and the earrings too, feeling like you need everything from the night to be gone.
The only thing you keep on your body is the necklace that was a gift from Bucky and Steve years ago and you havenât taken it off since. It's custom-made with three delicate chains in gold, silver, and black twisted together. You loved it the moment you saw it, knowing that the chains were the three of you, twisted together through the rest of your lives. When you touch it with your fingers it makes you feel better, because you can feel them with you.
The shower feels more than just bodily cleansing and when you remove the last pieces of your smeared makeup, smoothing eye cream over your puffy eyes, the feeling of fear and panic is distant.
In the closet are a bunch of your clothes, probably more than you like to admit, but the best part is the drawer with their old t-shirts. You pull one out, not sure which of them it used to belong to, but itâs worn and soft against your skin. For a moment you press it against your nose, breathing in the detergent that reminds you of this place and all the wonderful memories that you have with them, before you find your pajama pants.
Out in your room you sit on the bed and look around at the muted colors. Bucky and Steve insisted that the room was yours, not just a guest room, and it makes you smile a little when you think about how much fun you had decorating it.
After taking a deep breath you open the door and find them just a few steps away. The look in Bucky's eyes is murderous and Steve's fists are clenched by his side, but when they turn to you they go back to being your best friends that you met in college all those years ago. "How are you feeling?" Bucky steps up to you and pulls you into a soft hug, tucking your head underneath his chin as you wrap your arms around his waist, breathing in the smell of him. Steve comes up behind you, placing his palms on your shoulders, rubbing the muscles carefully. "Better now," you answer. "But I never had dinner so I'm a bit hungry."
Bucky pulls away from you, cradling your face, tilting it up until you're looking right into his light blue eyes. "Let's go raid the kitchen," he smiles and holds your gaze for a few seconds more and there is so much love in those eyes it's almost scary. You know he would burn down the city if it made you happy, they both would, and that intensity is one of the many things that have kept you from finding out what it would be like to be theirs. You're not sure you'd be able to handle it.
When Bucky lets go of you, Steve's arm goes around your waist and he pulls you into him, Bucky takes your hand, lacing your fingers together, and you walk to the kitchen. You sit down at the kitchen island while they open the fridge.
"The chef made mac'nâcheese," Steve says and pulls out an oven pan, covered in tin foil with a post-it note on top with instructions for heating it. Bucky turns on the oven and says, "Want something to drink Sweets?"
"Soda?" you ask and Steve pulls a can out of the fridge before settling down beside you, handing it to you. You hand it right back "Please? I don't wanna fuck up my nails." That makes him chuckle as he opens it and the sound makes you warm on the inside so you lean your head against his shoulder.
"Thank you," you sigh. "For always being here for me. I'm sorry I ruined your party." "You didn't ruin shit," Bucky spits out, glaring at you from where he is standing by the oven. Steve and you chuckle at his harsh tone but then he leans forward, over the counter towards you, resting his large arms against the surface.
"I mean it, Sweets, don't you ever think you ruin anything by showing up, for any reason," his voice is stern but you know it comes from a place of love. "Thank you, Bucky, it means a lot," you smile.
When the oven is warm Bucky puts the tray in and pulls out plates. It only takes a few minutes and your tummy rumbles as the kitchen fills with the smell of cheese. Bucky and Steve make small talk about work things and you're grateful for them filling the silence while you finally get some food.
But it isn't the nice chicken that you cooked for John that you looked forward to eating and your eyes begin to burn. Even though you try to force the tears back they come anyway and run down your cheeks as you eat. Neither Bucky nor Steve notice until you reach for a paper towel and sniffle loudly. Not a second later you're wrapped up in Steve's embrace, crying into his shirt again while Bucky caresses your hair and nape. They mumble sweet things to you and tell you that you're safe and that nothing is ever going to hurt you again.
After a few minutes, the tears run dry. "I'm okay," you say and Steve loosens his hold, his eyes filled with concern for you. "You sure?" "Yeah, but I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Should probably try to get some sleep.â "We're sleeping in my room," Bucky decides and you nod, Steve too.
It's not unusual for the three of you to share a bed when one of you has had a rough time. The first time it happened was after finals and you all fell asleep in Steve's bed, totally exhausted, and slept better than you'd had in weeks.
Then it was after break-ups, yours, Steve's, Bucky's, somehow you all ended up in a bed together every time and it wasn't sexual at any point, just friends being there for each other and it continued through the years. The only time it was out of the question was when one of you was in a relationship, then it just felt weird, and from previous experience, it wasn't something that partners were all that accepting of.
You retrieve your pillows and cover from your room before settling in Buckyâs huge bed, your feet twisted up with Steve's, and Bucky is holding your hand. It's nice, it's familiar and you drift off knowing you're safe with them.
The room is dark when their soft voices wake you, but that might be because of the black-out curtains and not because it's still night. Theyâve moved close enough to you that you can feel the warmth from their bodies on either side of you, and Buckyâs chest is right in front of your eyes when you open them slightly to peek. They don't notice you're awake and you don't feel like announcing it either, curious what theyâre talking about.
"We let her decide." Even if Steve's tone is hushed it's still hard. "She is too sweet, you know she would never hurt a fly, she's going to say no," Bucky protests harshly in a whisper. This is interesting, you think.
"Even if you and I are fine with getting blood on our hands, maybe she doesn't want to live with that, maybe she wants to press charges." Steve has always been the more level-headed of the two, good with looking at things from all angles and keeping his cool. Bucky huffs and you want to giggle. His emotions always get him in trouble, even if he doesnât want to admit it. When Bucky is angry he sees red and when he loves he does it with his whole soul and being. One time you asked Steve how he isnât dead yet since his poker face seems to suck, but Steve explained that when theyâre doing business he is usually calm and collected. When his emotions finally break through, people know they should probably run.
"Fine.â You can tell Bucky is not happy but he lowers his voice even more, and now itâs tinged with something else. âBut I'm never letting her go again." His words together with his gentle tone make your heart skip. There was a time when you seriously thought about asking them to see if the three of you could work it out, and be more than just friends. But what you have with them is so precious that if it fails in the end, and you lose your best friends, you're not sure how you're going to go on.
"And you think I will?" Steve mutters. "We should have said something a long time ago." "Well, we can't go back in time. All I know is that I love her and I can't see her with anyone else ever again," Bucky's voice sounds like it's going to crack. He never cries but that is as close as it gets.
Steve reaches over you towards him, you can't see what he does but you know how Steve's comforting hands look on Bucky, you've seen it before. Sometimes they're even sweeter with each other than they are with you, when they think no one can see them, not even you. It's so clear that they love each other deeply, honestly it's surprising that they don't just date each other.
You hear Bucky hum in contentment and Steve gives a small soft laugh. It feels like a good time as any to pretend to wake up. You file away their words for another day, not ready to deal with them now in the wake of whatâs happened. First, you need to heal the broken heart you're already nursing before thinking about giving it away again.
With a groan you turn from your side to your back, stretching and blinking your eyes open. They're lying on their sides, both resting their heads on their hands. "What time is it?" you mumble, rubbing your eyes. "Just past nine," Bucky informs you and brushes a few strands of hair out of your face. "And you two are still here?" "Just for you," Steve says softly and finds your hand, twisting your fingers together.
Both of them are early risers and you hate mornings, something they tease you for endlessly. "Honestly though, have you already, like, gone for a run, had breakfast, and then sealed some important deal?" "Nope." Bucky slides his arm in under your neck, placing the other hand on your hip, and pulls you closer to him. "We didn't want to leave in case you woke up." Steve shuffles closer, his chest pressing into your shoulder. "Didn't want you to think we left you all by yourself."
You hum and decide to ask "Would it be okay if I stay here a few days?" "Sweets, stay as long as you want. It's your home as much as ours,â Steve answers. "No,â you correct. âMy name is definitely not on any papers for this house." "We can fix that if that's what you want. Just move here." Bucky is serious but you decide to laugh it off. "You'd like that wouldn't you?" "Like old times." he smiles.
"Except I have no desire to listen to the people you bring home scream and moan, got enough of that in college,â tumbles out of your mouth without really thinking of it. They exchange a look but before they can say anything you hastily continue. "Do you think I need to break up with John, or do you think he got the message when I left?"
An uneasy silence falls and Bucky breaks it. "I'm gonna be honest with you Sweets, I really wanna fucking kill him, and make it as painful and as horrifying for him as possible. Death will feel like a blessing in the end." Steve speaks next. "But it's your decision, and if you wanna press charges against him, we'll make our lawyers available."
Itâs a lot to take in at that moment. "I don't know,â you answer truthfully. âIt still hurts, I'm still scared but I'm not sure what will make it better." "When you've decided you let us know and we'll do whatever you want." Steve bends down to kiss the top of your head.
"If I see him on the street or something though I'm gonna punch him," Bucky says casually before letting go of you and getting out of bed. When his warmth leaves you, you whine and that makes him chuckle. He kneels on the bed and kisses your forehead. "Steve will keep you company while I make breakfast." "You mean go get what the chef has already prepared?" you joke. Bucky shoots you a look before leaving the bedroom.
"We should be glad he isn't actually cooking. Remember when he tried to make pancakes for his girlfriend and almost burned down the apartment," Steve notes. "That's because he got distracted. I mean, I'm glad I came out of my room when I did but the image of Bucky and her on the kitchen table still haunts me," you chuckle.
"You weren't exactly innocent back in those days either," Steve points out with a laugh. "But I never did it on the communal surfaces," you defend with a huff. "No, all we got was listening to you trying to stifle every sound and failing miserably." "Well, at least I didn't break a wall while fucking someone." "It was a shitty wall, never have that problem here." "See that's why I don't wanna move here." "We can soundproof your room?" "Or I can just live in my apartment?"
Bucky comes back with a breakfast tray and places it on the bedside table before pulling out your phone from his pants. "It's been buzzing nonstop since I got down," he explains and hands it to you right as the screen lights up with an incoming call.
"It's John," you tell them, and your chest floods with anxiety as you stare at the screen and sit up against the headboard. "Answer it," Steve sits up beside you, his shoulder brushing yours. Bucky is pressed against you much the same on your other side. "On speaker," he instructs and takes out his own phone to record the call.
Your hands shake as you swipe to answer. "H-hello." Your voice is wavering. "Baby! I'm sorry for yesterday, I'm sorry I got mad. I've been calling since you left, I've been so worried. I checked your place but you weren't home. Where are you?" John says in a worried voice. "I'm at a friend's house," you reply.
The feelings in your chest are conflicted, on one hand you never want to see him again but hearing his voice makes you remember that when he is good he is great, amazing even, and you would be lying if you said you didn't miss him. For the last few months, you gave it your all and you were even prepared to tell him you love him.
"I'll come and pick you up and let me apologize properly," he sounds pained like he is actually sorry for what he did. Fuck, it's so tempting to go back but you know better. You know that this is just the tip of the iceberg, and getting wine thrown in your face is probably not the worst that can happen.
"No, John." You try to sound confident but you're not sure it comes across. "I don't think it's going to work out between us." The moment you say the words the tears well up and Steve starts rubbing your shoulder." You're doing great," he whispers right by your ear so John doesn't hear.
"Are you-" John sounds shocked. "Are you breaking up with me⌠over the phone?" "Yeah, sorry." You cringe, you shouldn't be sorry. "You scared me yesterday and I feel like I don't know you anymore."
"Babe you don't need to be scared of me, I would never hurt you I swear," he sounds like he is about to cry and a part of you wants to comfort him. "You threw wine in my face and said some really mean things," you point out.
"I didn't mean any of that, I promise. You know I've had a lot on my plate lately and I didn't mean to take it out on you." There is some part of you that desperately wants to believe him. "That's not an excuse," you go on. "I'm not an object for you to take out your frustration on. It's not going to work John."
There is a long silence before he speaks again and now his voice is laced with rage instead. "Then you can come get your fucking things right now." "John, please don't-" you start but he cuts you off.
"You fucking bitch, you lead me on for months and then you break up with me over the phone, because what? You think Iâm gonna hit you or something?" "Yeah, maybe," you answer truthfully. "You're such a dumb bitch, I would never lay a hand on a woman I care about."
Both Steve and Bucky stir beside you. When you shoot them a glance they are both staring at the screen with murder in their eyes. "Calling me names won't change my mind, John," it hurts when he says them, like an actual stab in the heart and it brings out more tears.
Bucky leans over and taps the mute button. "There is no way you're going over there, we'll send Sam and Vis." You nod and unmute while John is raging on about how dumb and useless you are and how he wishes he'd never wasted his time on you. "I'm going to send some friends to pick up my things."
"Oh, so you won't even face me yourself?â his voice is unrecognizable now. âYou know what? I'm glad for what I did, I'm not sorry anymore, you're obviously a fucking coward and not worth a second of my time." Every ounce of fight is gone from you, you're just tired and want it to be over. You donât want to listen to the hurtful words anymore so you simply say "Goodbye John," and don't even wait for a response before hanging up. You drop the phone into the sheets and bury your face in your hands, your body jerking with sobs.
Steve and Buckyâs arms go around you but you hardly notice, everything is just excruciating pain, your heart smashed into a million pieces. Twenty-four hours ago you were happy with a man you thought you knew, and loved, but now everything is broken and you're not sure what youâre going to do next.
It takes a long time for you to stop crying and when it finally ends you're exhausted, again. The coffee Bucky brought has gone cold but Steve holds a glass of juice to your lips and makes you take a few sips before coaxing some yogurt into your mouth. "Steve is going to stay with you while I take care of a few things. If you need me, you tell him and I'll be right back," Bucky promises when he leaves the bed again, taking the tray with him out of the bedroom.
"Is he going to kill him?" you ask softly as you sink down under the covers. Steve puts his arm around your waist and pulls you into his chest until your face is squished against it. "No," his voice is soft. "Not without me." "SteveâŚ" "Can you blame us, Sweets? John was lucky it was over the phone or else we would have beaten him into a pulp for saying those things."
"He never acted like that before," you whisper. "I'm just happy you got out before he put his hands on you," Steve whispers back. "If you had shown up with bruises yesterday I might have lost it." "I love you," you tell him and he kisses the top of your head. "I love you too, Sweets, and I know Bucky feels just the same." You hum and let the exhaustion take over.
They have switched when you wake the next time, you're in Bucky's arms and he is carding his fingers through your hair speaking quietly to you. "Wake up Sweets, it's time for dinner."
Even if youâve slept right through lunch you shake your head and swing your leg over his hip, clinging to him. "Don't wanna get up," you whine. "If you eat dinner, we can watch a movie on the couch afterward." He knows just how to tempt you and you need something to try and take your mind off everything.
"Candy?" you pull back. Even if the light in the room is dim you can still see the blue in his eyes, and the crinkles at the corners when he smiles. "You know we keep stock of everything you like, there is always something sweet for our Sweets."
You hug him hard. "I love you Bucky, you know that right?" "I love you too, Sweets." He kisses the top of your head, much like Steve did earlier. "And I know Steve feels just the same." That makes you giggle "Steve said the same thing." "Well he is a smart man," he shrugs.
Bucky all but pulls you out of bed but he doesn't force you to change out of your pajamas. He leads you to the kitchen where Steve is plating the food and your stomach grumbles when you smell it. They have set the table with candles and it looks lovely but it also reminds you of your last candle-lit dinner. Bucky sees the look on your face turns you away from it and tilts your chin up with his fingertips, "ItâsâŚâ he begins, hesitating, trying to find the right words. âWe want to replace every bad memory, but if itâs too much too soon weâll throw it all out.â
The scary thing is that he is serious. If you said the word they would throw everything out, but you don't want that, you want a nice dinner with them and try to get past what happened. Maybe it will help, maybe it wonât but you wonât know until youâve tried. And if there is one thing you know for sure, it is that you are safe with them.
âItâs fine, Iâll try,â you promise with a smile before turning around to sit down at the table. Steve serves the food and Bucky pours you a glass of wine. After a few bites, Bucky brings up some stupid shit the three of you did a long time ago and through dinner, you reminisce about old times.
Since meeting John you haven't seen them as much because you learned early on that partners were weirded out or even jealous of what you had with them. Right now you canât fathom why you would ever do that, because these two people are the best thing in your life.
You fold your napkin into your lap and look at them. "I'm sorry for, like, ghosting you the last few months," you swallow hard. "I've been a shitty friend but you always take care of me when I need you, and Iâm so thankful for that. I promise Iâll do better."
"It's okay sweets," Steve smiles and reaches over the table to grasp your hand. Bucky takes the other and his thumb caresses your knuckles. "Don't apologize, there is no need." The lump in your throat is from love and not from sadness this time and you don't try to speak, just nod, squeezing their hands back.
Afterward, you cuddle up on the couch to watch a movie but ten minutes in you're already nodding off. When Steve and Bucky notice you're asleep they turn the TV off and Steve carries you up to Bucky's bedroom. "She has work tomorrow," Bucky whispers and pulls the cover up over your body. "Fuck, should we wake her?" Steve asks back. "No, let her sleep, she starts at nine so if we let her sleep til seven it should be fine."
Fortunately, the alarm on your phone goes off as usual but when you turn to snooze it, you instead roll into a warm chest. Steve grumbles and reaches for your phone, handing it to you before seizing you around the waist, and burying his face in your neck.
âHey, I have to get up,â you mutter. It feels like your eyes are filled with sand and your head is pounding but you have to go to work nonetheless. âYou donât have to work,â he speaks into your skin and it makes a tingling feeling travel through you.
âDonât be silly, let go of me,â you chuckle and detangle yourself. The other side of the bed is empty, Bucky already up. You drag yourself over to your room to shower before getting ready and eating breakfast. Steve insists on driving you to work and Bucky comes and sees you off with a long hug and a kiss on your hair. âIâve put Clint and Peter to watch your apartment and Sam and Vis are going to be outside your work all day, Sweets.â âThank you, Bucky.â
When Steve drops you off he points out the car. "If you see John or you for any other reason feel unsafe you can go to them right away, or call us,â he tucks a strand of hair in behind your ear. âDonât hesitate. You mean everything to us and we want to keep you safe, Sweets,â You nod. âThank you, Steve,â you whisper, leaning over the console to kiss his cheek before heading to work.
What you told yourself would only be a few days, turns into a few weeks and now itâs almost two months. Despite your initial refusal, youâre enjoying living with them again. A few times after the break-up, John tried to contact you and every time the phone started buzzing and your anxiety spiked you found one of them and they helped you through it.
You havenât slept in your room once and neither has Steve, it's always the three of you sleeping in Bucky's bed. It could be because Bucky has an expensive bed that you sleep so soundly, but in the back of your head, you know itâs because their presence calms you.
If Bucky or Steve can't drive you to work, someone else does, your own car is still parked on the street by your apartment and you donât have any desire to go get it. But you do miss some of your clothes, and toiletries, so maybe you should take it as a sign that you need to go back.
After getting home from work that day you walk up to their office, a little apprehensive. Both of them are leaning over the desk when you poke your head in, their cuffs rolled up, exposing their underarms. Itâs enough to make your stomach flip, they look too good. Steve sees you first and a smile splits his face. âHey Sweets, have a good day at work?â
Bucky turns and opens his arms towards you when you step into the room. His hug is warm and comforting and you answer Steveâs question with a yes, before taking a step back from them. "I know I said I was only going to stay a few days but it's been way more than that now, so I think I'll go back to my place after work tomorrow." You try to sound as neutral as possible, neither sad nor happy, just stating a fact.
"No," Bucky breathes, fists tightening at his sides. "I agree with Bucky, don't leave," Steve's voice is calm and his face doesnât give much away but his eyes are betraying him, theyâre too glossy, too wide, and too filled with fear to miss.
The other reason you need to go back home is the way they are treating you and touching you. Itâs making your feelings run wild and you can't have that, you canât risk losing them too. And if that wasn't enough they've invaded your dreams with their touches and words, making you wake up aching for them in a way that is totally inappropriate.
"I can't stay, you know that," you sigh. "No, I don't." Bucky is frustrated, staring at you. "I really fucking don't know why you can't stay. We love having you here and you seem to love being here. Just stay."
His mood is making you defensive, you don't want to explain that you're obviously catching feelings soon after getting out of something traumatic. You need to think, and every time you wake up drenched, tucked in between them you are seconds away from ruining everything by confessing or honestly just taking one of their hands and pushing it in between your legs, hoping they will help you get off.
"I need my own space, Bucky," you cross your arms and glare at him. "You have your own room," he states and takes a step closer. "That I don't use anyway," you reply and take a step back. "Because you don't want to!" His raised voice silences you not because you're scared but because he's right. Bucky isnât stupid and he's not the type to sugarcoat things when he's upset.
Your heart is hammering. "No I don't want to," you confess with a breath. "But I need to." Then you turn to go but only get a step from the desk before Steve grabs your wrist. He spins you into his chest, Bucky coming up behind you, boxing you in between them. Bucky's head falls on your shoulder. "I can't let you go again, Sweets, I can't do it."
Your mind flashes back to the morning when you pretended to sleep and heard them talking. The breath in your chest hitches as you look up into Steve's blue-green eyes. âIâm with him, Sweets,â he says in a low voice and cups your cheek with his large hand. âYou belong here, with us.â
Your mouth opens and you try to protest but it dies on your tongue and Steve takes the opportunity to continue. "We love you, more than anything, we want you to be ours, more than just our best friend. Live with us, be with us in every sense of the word. All three of us, together," his voice wavers at the end.
The words sink in slowly. Be with them. Be theirs. Stay. Your body is aching to say yes and your heart is about to beat its way out of your chest. âButâŚâ âAll I know is that I feel incomplete without you, like a part of my soul is somewhere else, and the only time I'm at peace is when I'm with you two. I can't keep living like a part of me is missing. So I'm asking you, please stay, please help us figure this out and be with us." Buckyâs arms wrap around your waist. "Every time I see you with someone else my heart gets ripped out of my chest and I've tried to be with other people, we both have, but in the end, theyâre not you."
Their confessions break down your defenses as their words ring true. In all your relationships over the years, there's always been something missing but you've never been able to figure out what. There's been passion and there's been love but it's always lacking something and now you think you get it. It has lacked them and the deep connection you share through years and years of friendship. Feeling stupid about wanting to leave and thinking you werenât ready to be with them makes tears well in your eyes. Whatever it is you three can figure it out, it may not be traditional but it beats being unhappy.
"Don't cry, Sweets." Steve runs his thumb over your cheek. You lean your head into his chest, nodding against it. "I'll stay," you sniffle. The arms around your waist tighten and Bucky speaks into your shoulder. "Really Sweets?" he sounds like heâs worried that maybe you're joking.
"Really Bucky," you promise, wrapping your arms around Steve and hugging him close. For a moment itâs just the three of you enveloped in your shared love but then Bucky rights himself and you look up at him over your shoulder, matching his silly smile.
He leans in like he is about to kiss you but he stops himself, his eyes searching yours for something, and it's scary. If you take the plunge everything will change, or maybe it won't, but it feels like an earthquake is rolling through your life, upsetting everything and if you let him kiss you it will be real. But that's what you want.
"Please?" you ask him and his whole face lights up before he closes the distance and presses his lips to yours. It could be described as fireworks, an erupting volcano, or maybe feeling the first rays of sunlight on your skin after years in darkness, but nothing will come close to the feeling of being kissed by Bucky.
It's a chaste kiss with just his lips moving carefully against yours. It's over quicker than you want but in his place is Steve, turning your head back towards him and descending on you. His fingers run through your hair and he opens your mouth to let his tongue play with yours, the feeling once again indescribable, it's just the feeling of right. Everything about it feels right.
Even if the kiss is slow when he pulls back your breathing is labored and you're clutching his shirt. "I-" you begin but canât find any words. That kiss ignited something inside you, it's like you're seeing color for the first time, everything is clearer and sharper. What even was your life before?
"Are doing okay Sweets?" Bucky asks next to your ear and you nod in response. When his soft lips caress the side of your neck you whimper and lean your head to give him better access, he chuckles against your skin, nipping it and making you gasp. "I wanna eat you up, find out what you taste like everywhere."
Itâs a badly kept secret that Bucky has a marking kink. Youâve seen his exes, you know he's possessive and likes to leave marks. You can't wait to have them on you so you whisper, "Mark me.â
Steve chuckles above you. "She knows you, Bucky," he says with a smile. "You too, Steve, please?" Youâre almost begging, but not quite, just asking nicely. "You want me to give you a hickey?" he asks with a crooked smile but those eyes are too easy to read. He craves you. "Or a bruise, or a bite mark, something, anything," "FuckâŚ" His face changes to match his dark eyes. "You want everyone to know you belong to us, Sweets?" he asks with a hoarse voice and you feel the large bulge in his pants press against your stomach.
You nod, biting your lip. "Show me how you do it, Bucky.â They spin you around and Bucky grabs at the collar of your blouse, pulling harshly, sending the buttons flying over the office. âHey-â you begin but he pulls the fabric aside exposing the juncture between your shoulder and neck. First, he sinks his teeth in, hard enough for you to hiss but not breaking the skin, then he closes his lips and sucks.
It's painful but the act in itself makes you throb. When he pulls back you release your breath but Steve is quick to pull the neckline on the other side and do the exact same thing. He is gentler but when he's done there is still a purple bruise on your skin. "Fuck me," you whimper against Bucky.
"Yes, Sweets, we will. Long and hard until you can't take it anymore. We're going to ruin you." Steve promises before he grabs you and lifts you up, spinning you so you can wrap your legs around him as he starts walking to the bedroom, Bucky right behind you. You reach your hand out towards him and he grabs it, kissing your palm and knuckles. "We're going to take care of you Sweets, you'll never want for anything," he promises with a wicked smirk.
Steve places you on the edge of the bed and stands up, looking down at you. Bucky comes up beside him, resting his forearm on Steve's shoulder. "Look at our sweets, can you believe it?" Bucky asks. Steve turns to him with a smile. "Yes." Then he places two fingers under Bucky's chin, turning his head before kissing him. It's heated, filthy and it's the hottest thing you've ever seen. You squeeze your legs together to alleviate some of the pressure you're feeling in your cunt. Their kiss shows that it's nothing new, they've obviously done it before and you're a little mad that they have withheld this from you.
When Steve starts pulling on Bucky's clothes you can't keep the moan from slipping out. They both break away and turn to you and you feel small in the best way possible. "Did you like that?" Bucky asks before leaning down and kissing you.
The knowledge that his tongue was just in Steve's mouth and is now sliding against yours makes you moan again. You start undoing the buttons on his shirt and he pulls on your top. When you separate, he pulls it off and youâre left in just your bralette. Steve makes a sound in the back of his throat at the sight and starts taking off his own clothes.
Bucky kneels in front of you on the floor, unbuttoning your pants and pulling them off, while you stare at Steve as more and more skin is revealed. He holds your gaze the whole time and you bite your lip when he starts at his pants. His chest and forearms are huge, covered in tattoos but in no way hiding the muscle underneath. It makes your mouth water and your cunt clench.
Bucky starts kissing up your bare leg, beginning at your ankles and slowly working his way up your calve and the inside of your thigh. When you're still staring at Steve he nips your skin. "I know he's gorgeous but when I eat your pussy I want your eyes on me, Sweets." He tries to look offended but his pupils are blown wide with lust.
Just the thought of him between your legs makes a shiver run through you and your cunt impossibly wetter. Nodding at him you caress the side of his face and watch him, the closer he gets, the more you start to tremble with need. No one had ever made you feel so needy and horny.
Bucky kisses your cunt through your underwear, making you gasp. "Please Bucky, I need you." "I know, I can smell how fucking wet you are Sweets." He twists your panties out of the way. "Fuck, Steve, look at her, she's dripping."
Steve, in just his underwear now, slides his fingers gently through the mess, making you tremble and moan, before bringing the fingers to his mouth and holding your gaze as he licks them clean. Then Bucky's mouth is on you, his tongue licking from your core up to your clit.
"Fuck-fuck-fuck-" you cry and grab the sheets under you, bucking up into his touch. Steve chuckles and gets behind you on the bed. "He looks like he's in heaven, Sweets. He has wanted you for so long." You feel his fingers undo the clasp of your bra and then slide it off. His hands cup your tits a second later, making more sounds spill out of your mouth. His fingers rub, caress, and pull on your nipples while Bucky is hurdling you toward your climax.
"I'm- I'm gonna-" Your legs shake and you grab Steve's arm with one hand, the other going to Bucky's head, grabbing his short hair. Every muscle in your body tenses right before the coil snaps, making you scream out your release, riding Bucky's face and feeling the pleasure-filled waves travel through your body.
You slump against Steve's and he holds you. Bucky pulls back with a shit-eating grin, wiping his face with the back of his hand, saying "Fuck Sweets," before he stands up and starts taking off his clothes.
You already feel amazing, high off your orgasm but you want more and Steve's hard-on is pressing into your back. You turn around on the bed. "Move up," you tell him and his smirk is knowing but he does as you say and moves to sit against the headboard.
You rid yourself of your drenched panties before grabbing his boxers and pulling them off. "Eager Sweets?" he chuckles and fists his cock as soon as it's free. It's thick and long as him and you can't fucking wait. You bite your lip before asking "Condom?"
"I know we should but I want to feel you raw Sweets,â he confesses. âAre you on birth control?" "Sure, and I got tested the week afterâŚ" you trail off not wanting the bad memories to ruin the moment. Bucky's heat is suddenly behind you, grabbing your hair and forcing your head back to kiss you deeply. When he lets go he says, "Steve and I got tested like a week before you moved in and I've not even looked another person's way since then." Steve laughs "And I haven't fucked anyone either so get over here and ride my cock Sweets."
To say you scramble is an accurate description, quickly shuffling over to him and straddling his hips. You hold onto his shoulders as he swipes the head of his cock through your mess, holding it still for you to sink down on.
All three of you moan in unison as his dick disappears into your tight hot channel. The grip Steve has on your hips is almost bruising and the look on his face is painful. âF-fuck. Sweets. Damn.â Is all he gets out. You lean in, kissing his cheeks and chin and lips, and start to move, slowly, the feeling is amazing, he's filling you up to the brim perfectly.
"Feels so good," you stutter and then drop down hard. "I'm never watching porn again," Bucky says from behind you and you watch him over your shoulder, kneeling on the bed and jerking his cock. You whine in the back of your throat, you want him too, so you reach for him as you bounce on Steve's cock, making him spill the most delicious sounds.
Bucky shuffles over and you grab his dick in your hand, he's big enough that it doesn't fit all the way around. His hand lands on Steve's shoulder to steady himself and Steve reaches out to place a hand on his hip.
The sounds the three of you make fill the room. It's moans, groans, and whimpers, the sound of slapping skin and squelching wetness. Your clit is steadily rubbing against Steve, getting you closer and closer. Bucky is panting heavily, Steve is too.
"Sweets, I can feel you. Are you gonna come on my cock?" Steve is trying to sound unaffected and failing miserably, but he continues to spill filth that rushes you toward the edge. "When I've filled you up, Bucky is gonna fuck my cum right back into you, aren't you Buck?" "Fuck yes," he groans before leaning in and kissing you deeply. âI wanna see you come on his cock Sweets.â
"Next time I wanna feel both of you come in me at the same time," you whimper. "Sweets, you goddamn slut." Steve groans with a laugh and bucks up into you harder. "Tell us more! Please! I want to hear every filthy little thought hidden inside that mind."
You turn to look at Bucky. "I want both of you in every hole. I want you to use me like I'm a toy and worship me like a queen," you tell him, then turn to Steve. "Put my name on the house and celebrate it by fucking in every room, on every surface, show me all of your kinks, give me everything."
Steve's eyes are screwed shut and he's let go of Bucky to grab your hips, pulling you down onto his big cock. "Keep going," you urge him, your release just a few thrusts away. But he's too close and before you can get there he suddenly sits up to wrap his arms around your waist, crushing you against his chest, thrusting up hard, and comes with a loud moan of your name.
You feel wild, right on the edge of ecstasy but left dangling in mid-air. With pleading eyes and a whine you look at Bucky who smirks at you before pulling you away from Steve and laying you on your back. A second later he fills you up, the sound of his cock pushing through Steve's mess is as sweet as it's nasty.
"Please, Bucky, please," you beg. "Yeah I know, don't worry, not gonna blow my load early," he taunts over his shoulder at Steve who just gives him the finger. "Understand him though, youâre so tight and warm Sweets. Makes me a bit crazy. I just want to fill you up over and over again," he confesses.
"I need to-" you begin but he cuts you off. "Rub your clit for me. Come on my cock," he demands but you know something that is even better than your own fingers and you reach out your arm.
"Steve," you plead and he crawls over to you and lays down beside you, pushing his hand in between your bodies, finding your clit. You arch off the bed with his touch, hands clutching Bucky's arms as he rams into you. The dual sensation is amazing and with how close you were seconds ago the end approaches quickly. Your moans get louder the closer you get and both Bucky and Steve praise you the whole way through.
"You sound so fucking pretty."
"I can barely move you gripping me so tight."
"You're so good at taking cock, Sweets. First mine and now Bucky's, it's like you were made for us."
You nod at the last thing and the pressure in your body is breaking, making your muscles convulse, almost pushing Bucky out with how hard you're coming, screaming their names as you do.
"Fuck! Yes, Sweets!" Buckyâs laugh is a little manic as he works you through it. "I'm going to fill our sweet little cunt with more cum." His hips stutter against you before he groans out your name and collapses on top of you. You run your fingers over his sweaty back and kiss his cheek. Then you turn to Steve, smiling at him beside you. "He's heavy," you complain.
Both of them laugh and Bucky rolls off before they move until you're squeezed in between them, their cum running down your legs, making a mess on the bed. Fortunately, you have at least two other beds to sleep in.
For a few months, you're walking on air. In a throuple with your two best friends, amazing sex, luxury beyond what you could have ever imagined. They constantly spoil you and they've tried to convince you to quit your job since you don't need to work when you're with them.
Tonight you're in another fancy restaurant. Bucky is trying to feed you chocolate cake because it's romantic but you tell him over and over again that you can eat by yourself. Suddenly Steve stiffens beside you and since he isn't known to have tells, you immediately get worried and follow his gaze.
John is standing at the door with a pretty girl on his arm, talking to the waiter and then being shown to a table. Next to yours.
When your eyes meet he stops for a second and his date shoots confused looks between the two of you, before you nod and he nods back, then moves again and sits down.
Steve asks for the check and you're out of your seat and outside the restaurant in no time. Bucky holds your coat as you put it on and a moment later Steve comes out too. His eyes are black with hate and when you're finally in the car you realize that you can't live like this.
"I think-" you begin, swallowing then clearing your throat, "I think I'm going to need those lawyers."
#bucky barnes x reader#steve rogers x reader#steve rogers x bucky barnes x reader#stucky x reader#mafia!bucky barnes#mafia!steve rogers#protective!bucky barnes#protective!steve rogers#best friends to lovers#best friend!bucky#best friend!steve#veltana writes#mob!stucky x reader#mob!steve rogers#mob!bucky barnes#mob!steve x reader#mob!bucky x reader#steve rogers#bucky barnes#stucky#steve rogers fanfiction#bucky barnes fanfiction#steve rogers fic#bucky barnes fic
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KINKTOBER 2024
Âť svt menu | skz menu | atz menu | txt menu | the rose menu | soloist menu ÂŤ
⎠monster!idol (svt, atz, skz, txt, woosung, + dpr ian) Ă fem!Reader wc: â (TBD) summary: a collection of timestamps for the spookiest month of the year genres/themes/au: angst, fluff, smut; supernatural, horror, thriller; non idol au, monster idol au warnings: adult dialogue, female reader, mentions of: food/alcohol consumption, supernatural & horror themes; sexual content (18+ mdni), see each part for further warnings. â ď¸Â taglist will be in the reblogs join my taglists: main | special kinktober taglist closed! Strikethrough means I cannot tag you. MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. AGELESS BLOGS WILL ALSO BE BLOCKED.
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â ă10:01ă WORK OF ART ⎠half-dragon!Minghao Ă fem!Reader kinks: mirror sex + sex photos prompt: ââ Donât cover your mouth, I want everyone to know how good I make you feel. ââ summary: After inheriting an estate deep in the Bavarian Alps from his maternal grandfather, Minghao arrives to find the estate has survived the war unscathed and that deep underground is a vault full of historic and old art dating back to the 8th century. He decides to hire an appraiser to inspect the collection but becomes enamored with her. wc: 7.3k READ NOW!
â ă10:02ă PRIMAL INSTINCT ⎠werehyena!Mingi Ă fem!Reader kinks: facesitting + mommy kink prompt: ââ Sit on my face. ââ summary: Y/N hasnât been intimate with her boyfriend but not by choice. Every time she tries, he always ends up pushing her away and it's starting to affect her confidence. After an argument, Mingi finally blurts out just why he's been pushing her away this whole time. wc: 4k READ NOW!
â ă10:03ă WRONG TURN ⎠bunyip!Chris Ă fem!Reader Ă bunyip!Chris kinks: threesome + pool/water sex prompt: ââ Make Me. ââ + ââ God, youâre so beautiful when youâre fucked out under me/us/him. ââ summary: Y/N is convinced her map is wrong when she finds herself utterly lost on what was supposed to be a short hike from her camp. When she comes upon a small river and stops to fill her canteen, she finds more than water waiting for her. wc: 6.6k READ NOW!
â ă10:04ă SPEED DATING AN ONI FOR DUMMIES ⎠oni!Jeonghan Ă fem!Reader kinks: bulge kink + deepthroating prompt: ââ I havenât even touched you yet and youâre already wet. ââ summary: Speed dating never was Y/Nâs thing but lucky for her, she just so happened to meet someone worthwhile. He asked her on a proper date & has been a perfect gentleman throughout the night. Even if he is an oni. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:05ă GUEST RELATIONS ⎠centaur!Mingyu Ă fem!Reader kinks: premature ejaculation + degradation prompt: ââ Good boys get rewarded, so behave. ââ summary: Y/N owns an inn in the countryside, left to her by her grandparents. She gets all sorts of visitors but her favorites are the unusual and monstrous ones. When a centaur named Mingyu arrives, she gives him the best horse-size room she has and goes above and beyond to make sure his stay is memorable and welcoming. wc: â READ NOW! â will be late
â ă10:06ă BAD DOG, GOOD BOY ⎠werewolf!Woosung Ă fem!Reader kinks: knotting + creampie prompt: ââ Is that my shirt? ââ summary: All you wanted was a quiet, relaxing night to yourself after a tough week at work. One night to relax and unwind. With your clothes in the wash, you decide to borrow one of your roommateâs shirts. Something he notices when you walk back into the living room while heâs taking a break from gaming. wc: â READ NOW! â will be late
â ă10:07ă ONLY MINE ⎠werefox!Hongjoong Ă fem!Reader kinks: possessive sex + marking prompt: ââ Iâm not jealous! Itâs just⌠youâre mine. ââ summary: Hongjoong is possessive by nature and when people get too close to his mate, he has to remind her who she actually belongs to. wc: â READ NOW! â will be late
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â ă10:08ă GAME OF RIDDLES ⎠kumiho!Beomgyu Ă fem!Reader (feat. Yeonjun & Soobin) kinks: dacryphilia + CNC prompt: ââ I love it when you cry. ââ + ââ What do you mean youâve never cum from sex? ââ + ââ Your panties are soaked already. ââ summary: When Y/Nâs best friends Yeonjun and Soobin dared her to explore an old mine shaft on the edge of town, she never expected to find anything but rock so when she stumbles across an extremely gorgeous man with bright orange glowing eyes, to say she was shocked was an understatement. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:09ă FALLEN ⎠fallen angel!Seungmin Ă fem!Reader kinks: impact play + begging prompt: ââ Oh no. Not until you beg. ââ summary: His fall from grace had been due to his hard headedness and Seungminâs status as a fallen one never really crossed his mind. At least until he met Y/N. Heâd been dejected and grown disillusioned with life but upon meeting her, he started to see some meaning to life again. To put it simply -- Y/N made him feel alive. wc: 4.5k READ NOW!
â ă10:10ă DONâT HOLD BACK ⎠wereleopard!Yunho Ă fem!Reader kinks: size kink + praise prompt: ââ Try to stay quiet for me, kitten. Can you do that? ââ summary: Yunho hadnât been on a date in ages when he managed to land a date with his cute coworker, Y/N. Cue one awkward first date and a handful of other successful ones, Yunho feels like heâs starting to settle into his growing relationship. The only thing holding him back is that his girlfriend is so small and it drives him mad with the desire to pin her down and unleash his inner beast. He finally comes clean when Y/N asks him why they arenât more intimate. wc: 3.3k READ NOW!
â ă10:11ă THE MONSTER UNDER YOUR BED ⎠bogeyman!Vernon Ă fem!Reader kinks: tentacles + virgin sex prompt: ââ Iâm waiting for your permission to let me have my way with you. ââ summary: The monster under Y/Nâs bed has been hearing her touch herself for the last few years & is starting to get jealous. Why does she touch herself when heâs right there? wc: 3.9k READ NOW!
â ă10:12ă BUMP IN THE NIGHT ⎠incubus!Jongho Ă fem!Reader kinks: somnophilia + mind break prompt: ââ Iâm going to have you screaming by the end of the night. ââ summary: To pass his final incubus test, Jongho must visit the human world and seduce a sleeping person. wc: 2.5k READ NOW!
â ă10:13ă HEY, CHECK THIS OUT ⎠shapeshifter!Junhui Ă fem!Reader kinks: mutual masturbation + voyeurism prompt: ââ Lay back and touch yourself, Iâm going to watch. ââ summary: Jun is a witch and has been practicing his shapeshifting. Heâs excited to show Y/N his new trick which has an unintended reaction. wc: 3k READ NOW!
â ă10:14ă BLOODLUST ⎠vampire!Wonwoo Ă fem!Reader kinks: bloodplay + period sex prompt: ââ Aw darling, I almost believe you. ââ summary: Y/N has always avoided sex during her period in the past. Not because she found it gross but because her partners did. Wonwoo is different. Wonwoo loves it. Wonwoo also happens to be a vampire so he might be a bit biased. wc: 3.8k READ NOW!
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â ă10:15ă A QUIET MORNING ⎠kitsune!Jeongin Ă fem kumiho!Reader kinks: dry humping + morning sex prompt: ââ Do you really think youâre in a position to give orders? ââ summary: A year after setting off to find his mother, Jeongin returned to Y/N, finding she had given birth to his daughter. Time skip to another two years later and Jeongin often wakes up to his three year old daughter and one year old son jumping on the bed, shaking him and Y/N awake. Itâs not often he gets to spend the morning with his wife so when Clover offers to watch the kits so Jeongin and Y/N can have a weekend away, he jumps at the chance. wc: 2.9k READ NOW!
â ă10:16ă BEWARE OF BEARS ⎠werebear!Changbin Ă fem!Reader kinks: outdoor sex + strength kink prompt: ââ I cannot possibly focus with your damn hand in my- ââ summary: Changbin just wanted to have a nice camping trip with his girlfriend but she has other ideas. wc: 4.1k READ NOW!
â ă10:17ă THE RITUAL ⎠demon!Chan Ă fem witch!Reader kinks: lingerie + facefucking prompt: ââ You look so good on your knees. ââ summary: Y/N has been practicing her summoning, hoping to finally summon a demon. Imagine her surprise when she not only succeeds in summoning a demon but heâs insanely gorgeous and wants to make a deal. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:18ă GOD OF DEATH ⎠shinigami!Hyunjin Ă fem!Reader kinks: rope play + dubcon prompt: ââ I promise Iâll be gentle. ââ summary: As a god of death, Hyunjin spent most of his days in the underworld but after deciding to visit the human world, he finds himself drawn to a particular human and even conspires to drop his very own death note, hoping for her to pick it up. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:19ă SEASIDE RETREAT ⎠merman!Seungcheol Ă fem!Reader kinks: daddy kink + choking prompt: ââ Baby, I asked you a question, so if you know whatâs good for you, youâd better answer me.ââ summary: Itâs been a few weeks since Y/N last came to the small seaside town where her boyfriend resides and suffice it to say, heâs missed her greatly. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:20ă THE SIRENâS SONG ⎠siren!Wooyoung Ă fem!Reader kinks: thigh fucking + brat-taming prompt: ââ Yell at me again and Iâll give you a reason to scream. ââ summary: Y/Nâs been having a rough season. The fish have almost all but disappeared and each catch is smaller and smaller. While doing some overnight fishing, sheâs woken from her slumber by a beautiful singing and finds that the one doing the singing is even more beautiful. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:21ă MADE OF STONE ⎠gargoyle!Seokmin Ă fem!Reader kinks: thigh riding + orgasm control prompt: ââ Come here. Iâll show you how to make yourself feel good. ââ summary: Nights are the only time Seokmin can truly live as he spends his days frozen in the glow of the sun. Night was also the time when his human girlfriend would come to pay him a visit. wc: â READ NOW!
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â ă10:22ă BOREDOM ⎠naga!Seonghwa Ă fem!Reader kinks: table/counter sex + double penetration prompt: ââ Iâm bored. Letâs fuck. ââ summary: Y/Nâs naga roommate is still trying to get used to the hustle and bustle of life in the city. He finds it difficult to go out and socialize as monsters arenât socially accepted yet. So he tends to go a little stir crazy and get bored often. Lunchtime is no different when he suggests they do something fun. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:23ă CHEATING DEATH ⎠reaper!Yeosang Ă fem!Reader kinks: corruption kink + cock worship prompt: ââ Have you never been touched like this before? ââ summary: When an aneurysm in her brain ruptures, killing Y/N, she is faced with a reaper who has come to collect her soul but she might have just discovered a way to cheat death. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:24ă CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT ⎠yuki-otoko!Jihoon Ă fem!Reader kinks: temperature play + spitting prompt: ââ What? Does that feel good? ââ summary: As a snow demon, Jihoon canât stand the heat and takes to staying in his apartment he shares with his roommate, Y/N. When the AC breaks down, Jihoon asks Y/N for help in keeping him cool. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:25ă APHRODISIA ⎠alien!Minho Ă fem!Reader kinks: sex pollen + breeding prompt: ââ Baby⌠you need me that badly? ââ summary: After Minhoâs return to Earth, Y/N has spent the last year traveling the galaxy with her alien boyfriend. While exploring a tropical moon orbiting a massive planet in a binary star system, Y/N accidentally disturbs a cluster of bulbous purple luminescent flowers that release a glowing purple dust that sticks to her clothes and skin. She returns to Minhoâs ship hoping that the dust isnât toxic and will wash off but as she soon finds out, the dust is a very sparkly and potent aphrodisiac and it has a profound effect on not only her, but on Minho as well. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:26ă ROCK THE BOAT ⎠samebito!Jisung Ă fem!Reader kinks: body worship + dirty talk prompt: ââ Tell me you love me. ââ summary: Y/Nâs work has been taking her away from the ocean and keeping her in the office, making her samebito boyfriend, Jisung, very lonely and putting a wedge between them. One night after Y/N doesnât show up to his underwater cave, Jisung makes a simple little wish that he could go on shore for once to go see her instead of waiting for her to come to him. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:27ă GO INSANE ⎠werepanther!Christian Ă fem!Reader kinks: public sex + cockwarming prompt: ââ We canât do this here! What if someone sees? ââ summary: a nice visit to the Japanese countryside was in store for Y/N and her fiancĂŠ. What she hadnât planned on was how insatiable the werepanther was and his animalistic urge to be inside her while she sits on his lap on a crowded bus. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:28ă HEAT CYCLES ⎠weretiger!Soonyoung Ă fem!Reader kinks: heat cycles + rough sex prompt: ââ You heard me. Take. It. Off. Now. ââ summary: Normally during his heat, Soonyoung stays as far away from his girlfriend as he can for fear of scaring her away but he canât help himself when she comes by to drop some soup off seeing as he told her heâs sick. wc: â READ NOW!
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â ă10:29ă THRILL OF THE CHASE ⎠werecoyote!San Ă fem chipmunk hybrid!Reader kinks: predator/prey + hybrids prompt: ââ Why are you shaking? Youâre not scared of me are you? ââ summary: Sanâs favorite thing about his roommate is that as a hybrid, she triggers his prey drive which makes him want to chase her around their apartment, and even if itâs not her favorite thing ever, she doesnât mind indulging him. It usually ends with her pinned on the couch or wall before San will playfully nip at her and let her go but this time, it ends with her pinned against his bed, triggering more than just his predator drive. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:30ă ALMOST HUMAN ⎠gorgon!Seungkwan Ă fem!Reader kinks: shower sex + drunk sex prompt: ââ Weâre not just friends and you fucking know it. ââ summary: Seungkwan is the youngest of three siblings and the only male gorgon in his family. Probably due to his half-human heritage on his fatherâs side. Heâs lucky that his appearance is much more human than his sistersâ. Although he looks mostly normal there are still some things that arenât quite⌠human. His inhuman strength and other snake-like features set him apart from the rest, so why his best friend and roommate likes him so much, he doesnât know why. All he knows is that heâs madly in love with Y/N. wc: â READ NOW!
â ă10:31ă MIDDAY HIKE ⎠näcken!Joshua Ă fem!Reader kinks: overstimulation + sensory deprivation prompt: ââ Donât act so innocent. I heard you. ââ summary: Trekking through the forest has brought Y/N nothing but joy but now sheâs hearing a mysterious violin playing in the distance and follows the sound to find the source. wc: â READ NOW!
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PAIRING ⊠heeseung x reader
SUMMARY ⊠Four years after he disappeared from your life your childhood friend and love returns back to town completely changed.
WARNINGS ⊠Heeseung is an addict and not a super amazing person, broken people with bad communication skills, rough smut, like quick hate sex basically. Super angst but I hope itâs still a good read lol⌠based in the late 90s early 2000s
WC ⊠11k
AUTHORS NOTE ⊠A bit nervous to be posting here again after five months since Iâm pretty rusty but hopefully youâll take it easy on me lol. No part two for this and itâs an open ending (my favorite) so infer what youâd like but feel free to ask me anything about the story or the characters! Hope itâs okay and I missed you guys. NOT PROOFREAD
Summer was pretty much the constant season where you grew up outside of the few weeks the sun disappeared and the rain turned the beaches grey.
You appreciated the break every year considering it just made the heat coming back feel ten times better, that first day being able to run into the ocean again always feeling like your towns personal version of new year.
Let the salt water wash away your sins and the tears that had long dried on your sun kissed cheeks.
Your town had been spared from tourist for most of your childhood even though itâs definitely gained traction during more recent years if the alarming amount of people outside the local diners said anything.
The locals didnât mind as long as they cleaned up their empty bottles of sunscreen from the public beaches and didnât interfere with the abundance of native wild life.
You definitely didnât mind considering you were on your sixth year working at the smoothie shop just a block away from the most popular beach and you enjoyed suckering large families out of large tips by giving them basic fun facts about the area they could use for their vacation.
It was the least you could do as somebody who lived in a permanent one.
This years version of those rainy few weeks came in the suddenly deliverance of news youâd never even imagined hearing let alone prepared yourself to deal with.
âHey.â Jake sounded out of breath as he crashed through the flimsy door of the smoothie shop, hair wet from either just leaving the beach where he worked as a lifeguard or from the slight drizzle that had started to pick up.
âHey, donât get my floor wet. Assuming youâre off this week?â You were folding cleaning rags in preparation for closing up the shop for the next few days due to the news channel continuously warning the locals of a storm coming.
Jake rolled his eyes at your light scolding but you noticed that he did avoid sitting on the stools or touching anything he could get his wetness on.
âOh so itâs your floor now?â He was cocking an eyebrow up as he looked at you and now it was your turn to roll your eyes, a light smile on your face at the teasing.
Youâd know Jake the same amount of time you had known pretty much anybody living in the town which was basically the entire sum of your life. All the kids went to the same small school district and everyoneâs parents knew each other to some capacity so thereâd never been a time you didnât know him and your other friends.
âSoâŚâ Your extensive knowledge of him made it even more obvious that he was about to tell you something you didnât want to hear, his tone changing to the same one he used whenever he had to let the beach goers know the waters werenât safe. âHeâs back in town.â
The mood in the small shop changed immediately and you tensed up from where you were still folding the rags, placing the one you were working on back down onto the counter and squeezing it with your hand.
You noticed the rain picking up outside and it was almost ironic how it seemed to match your mood.
âOh.â That was all you could manage to say and Jake dropped his shoulders in defeat at your dull reaction. âNo Jakey thanks for telling me thatâs.. itâs nice to have a heads up.â
Neither one of you spoke for a few seconds and you let the sound of the wind whipping around the thin metal panels of the roof distract you just enough to stop you from immediately bombarding him with questions. You didnât need him to know how much you cared even though you knew he already did.
âDid- did you see him?â
âSaw his mom at the market on my lunch break.â He was watching you so intensely that it was starting to annoy you. He looked like he was waiting for you to explode and you were considering giving him what he wanted just so heâd stop staring like that. âTheyâre like.. well heâs back in the old house so Iâm assuming that means⌠yeah.â
He was awkward in his delivery but you understood exactly what he meant, your old friend wasnât just back in town for a vacation or a trip down memory lane but instead he was back for at least the near future.
Your head hung low as you tried your best to not react outwardly but the humorless scoff left your mouth before you could stop it and you heard Jake sigh near the door.
Luck was at least in your favor considering the news was right and the rain didnât stop for another four days meaning you and the boys didnât have work and there was no chance of you running into the exact person you wanted to avoid.
You spent your days at Sunghoonâs house which was on the other side of town from where you and the rest of your friends lived.
Sunghoon had been the last person to join your small group and he almost hadnât been accepted considering he didnât go to the same school and actually didnât live there at all. His father was beyond wealthy and owned a nice property up on the hill, a place you and your friends used to sit on the beach and stare at while daydreaming about living there.
He came down every winter from the city so him and his dad could escape the cold and icy roads and then heâd leave again once the temperature picked up.
Naturally this made him a bit of an outcast compared to the rest of you who grew up together and spent nearly every single day hanging out and playing on the beaches but you liked him nonetheless.
He wasnât as spoiled as you figured he probably could have been and if anything he was actually pretty sheepish whenever someone mentioned how much money he constantly had at his disposal.
Youâd all tease him until he bought you snacks and ice cream in bulk just to get you off his back, a silent peace offering.
An even more silent âIâm sorry youâre poor and Iâm notâ.
Once you all got older and his dad got too tired to continue the travel back and forth just to avoid some snow, Sunghoon would come by himself just to see you all and you imagined it was any day now before he decided to stay for good.
The image from their hillside property was breathtaking even through the storm, floor to ceiling windows that youâd perch yourself on while the others slept. It had a perfect view of the biggest beach and the mountains behind it and despite growing up with it as your backdrop, you never got used to it.
âCanât sleep?â Rikiâs voice was echoing through the nearly empty living room, a feat of Sunghoonâs dad practically moving out.
You turned your head to see him shuffling towards you in his pajamas with an open bottle of wine in his hands. He was taking a swig before nudging your leg with his hand so you would move it and he could sit down beside you with a groan.
His back was against the other side of the windowsill and your legs were crossing over his in a mirror image but he looked just as exhausted as you figured you did and it was sort of comforting to know you werenât the only one handling this bad.
âWhen do I ever sleep?â Your hand was sticking out as you spoke and he took one more sip of the wine before handing the bottle over to you.
Your face pulled into a grimace at the sour taste and he laughed softly at the reaction before leaning forward to snatch it back and keep it away from you. You looked back out the window but you could feel him staring at you now and you sighed.
Riki had been around just as long as Jake had but he was also your neighbor which added another layer of familiarity. There was no hiding your family issues with him like you attempted with the others because he was one window away and often the person you ran to when things got too hard.
âSaw him in town you know, before we headed up here.â He was starting off in a whisper like he was testing the waters and you were getting sick of people treating you like a loose canon when it came to this. âHe looks different.â
âObviously. He was a kid last time we saw him and heâs what, 20 now?â You phrased it like you werenât too sure but both of you were aware that you knew his exact age. Youâd never forgotten his birthday and your mood soured every year on that day for the past four times it cycled past.
â21.â Riki clarified anyways and you appreciated that you both pretended youâd be able to make that mistake. âAnd I donât just mean he grew up I mean he looks terrible.â
Your stomach turned uncomfortably as graphic images made their way into your mind and you squeezed your eyes tight at the thought of him and what he could possibly look like now.
âWhy are you telling me this Riki?â You sounded hurt and lost and you felt his leg nudging yours again like he was either trying to comfort you or snap you out of the tense state youâd fallen into. You opened your eyes and stared at him and the way the moonlight highlighted the side of his face.
âI told him Iâd meet him for lunch once the storm cleared up.â He said it slowly and that made it that much easier for you to hear the overwhelming guilt in his voice. âIâd like for you to be there. Iâm asking you to be there.â
Your face fell flat but he didnât stop looking at you as he dropped the bomb and you almost wanted to shy away from the intense gaze just waiting for you to show that you cared.
âYou canât ask me that.â It came out as a whisper and you hated how weak you sounded at just the idea of seeing him.
âBut I am.â
â
Two days later the clouds were gone like theyâd never been there and the unrelenting heat was building back up at full force. You all returned down from the hillside property with raging hangovers and a suffocating promise.
You tried to ignore your phone ringing on the wall because you knew who it was, or at least could guess out of three names but it was pointless considering Riki was right next door and the ringing soon turned to knocks at your window.
So you told yourself you agreed to the lunch because you were sick of being harassed about it and it was not because you needed to see him for yourself.
If anything this was your chance to prove you didnât care about him and you just had never felt that level of loss before. It wouldnât kill you to hear his voice and listen to the way itâs changed over the lost time and youâd be able to get through the meal with a few awkward conversations before getting to go back to your regular life.
You were immediately proven wrong the second you pushed into the restaurant and you would have stopped in your tracks if it wasnât for Rikiâs guiding hand on your lower back.
He worked at this restaurant and it was directly on the shore of the beach so despite it being busy post storm he was easily maneuvering you through it towards the table.
You stayed back a few feet as the boy stood up and went to greet your other friends, a few awkward seconds passing like they didnât know wether to shake hands or hug before Jake was moving forward and pulling the older boy into a tight embrace.
Sunghoon was doing the same and rubbing the back of his head comfortably before Riki gave him a familiar pat on the shoulder due to the fact theyâd already gone through the first encounter nerves.
The three boys immediately climbed into the booth and started to flip through the menus to give you some privacy even though you all knew theyâd eaten the same things here since they were kids and knew every dish like the back of their hand.
You still appreciated the gesture considering the second he looked at you your heart clenched painfully and you suddenly felt like you were 17 again.
âHey y/n.â His voice was low as he spoke but you could still hear it enough to notice you barely recognized it. It had dropped a few octaves and it was painfully raspy.
âYou look like shit Hee.â Your blunt words and the use of the familiar nickname made him scoff out a laugh and he nodded his head in agreement to your insult.
He truly did even though you were just trying to tease him and loosen the atmosphere. He was ten shades paler than the rest of you but you had a feeling it wasnât due to him not being around the sun all the time anymore. He looked nearly sickly and your stomach turned the more you saw the signs of that being true.
His eyes looked tired and sad but what was the worst change was how skinny he was. Heâd always been thin but now he was towering over you and still looking like a strong wave could take him out.
He sniffed uncomfortably because of your intense gaze and your eyes honed in on his prominent wrist bone and the way he flicked at his nostril.
Your eyebrows furrowed at the action and he immediately lowered his arm like heâd just been caught doing something, confirming your belief.
The silence was awkward but luckily one of Rikiâs coworkers was approaching to get your drinks and you scooted past the tall boy so you could slide in the booth besides Sunghoon.
It was unusual for you to be nearly silent and not engaging in the conversation but you couldnât really handle trying to fumble your way through acting like everything was normal like the others were.
You started to wonder if they really did think it was just a normal meal while catching up with a childhood friend.
It blew your mind to consider that maybe they didnât see the way Heeseung was constantly bouncing his knee and picking apart his napkin or the fact heâd barely taken a bite of food the entire time. Did they not see his fidgeting eyes and the fact he looked sick every glance he took towards your direction.
The boys did their best to fill the silence without bringing up anything that would let Heeseung know how much heâd missed out on and soon enough everyone was having to go back to work.
Youâd gotten the day off since the storm had drastically killed off the tourist that make up 90% of your daily customers and you could tell the boy across from you felt a bit lost when everyone stated their plans for the rest of the day.
âDid you maybe want to go to the beach with me?â You had no idea why you were inviting him but by the time you noticed the shocked look on your friends faces, it was too late and the offer was hanging heavily in the air.
He looked around like he wasnât quite sure you were talking to him and his eyes were a little more alert when he finally turned back to face you.
âUh yeah sure.â
Riki gave you a cautious look as you left and Sunghoon parted you with a swift kiss on the cheek and another firm hug for Heeseung. Jake was heading to the same place as you for his shift as a lifeguard so it made the walk down the street a little less awkward.
The roles reversed from lunch and now it was Heeseungâs turn to fall silent while you and Jake softly joked and made casual commentary on the damage the storm had did. You would have forgotten he was there at all if not for his constantly sniffling and the fact his presence shifted your entire atmosphere.
âBe safe yeah?â You werenât sure if it was meant to have a double meaning but Jake made your stomach turn as he left your side to head to the watch tower.
Heeseung was clearing his throat beside you but you ignored him in favor of finding an umbrella to sit near, not quite under so you could still feel the sun on your skin. He opted for sitting directly under the shade and you were brought back to when you were kids and he was always the last one inside.
He was impossible to tame and get out of the water even long after the sun set and the parents began to call you all home but he couldnât be more different now.
Memories of his freckled tan face smiling at you, eyes squinted against the bright sky with his hand above his eyebrows to try and block it so he could see you better. His laugh always the loudest sound over the crashing waves and the way it felt when heâd wrap his arms around you to throw you into the water.
Now he was practically curling in on himself to avoid the rays and he looked almost pained at the sounds of the kids playing and splashing around.
It was hard to believe this was the same boy who had you convinced there was salt water in his veins.
âSince when are you getting high?â
You didnât sound at all accusatory in your question, just plainly asking for an answer to the obvious but he immediately tensed up and sent a glare that would have you believing youâd gotten it wrong if it wasnât for the embarrassment in his eyes.
He took a few seconds to answer but you extended your thin patience towards him and waited.
âIâm not anymore.â He had a funny tone to his that almost sounded like he was saying an inside joke, something you clearly didnât understand and your face furrowed. âThatâs why Iâm here actually.â
Your mouth was parting in realization and you couldnât help the bitter laugh that slipped out of you. You felt overwhelmingly stupid in that moment but it wasnât necessarily your fault for not assuming the worst about his intentions.
âHere I thought you were back because you actually missed us. Didnât realize this was your rehab.â He didnât look amused anymore and you were struck by how much you wanted to see him smile at you again.
He nodded and looked away from you and that was enough for you to realize the conversation was over.
â
four years ago
Youâd never been anywhere else but you had a hard time believing any other place could measure up to what you were experiencing now.
The sounds of your lifelong friends splashing each other and laughing as they took unexpected blows from the waves, bodies crashing through the surface of the water and pushing back through with groans of playful annoyance.
You knew the sun was setting soon which meant the head lifeguard (who happened to be jakeâs older brother) was going to usher you all back home and away from the water but you would have given anything for the moment to freeze.
Even if your butt was damp from the wet sand you were sitting on and you were starting to shiver from the lack of clothes paired with the disappearing heat.
You watched as another head popped out of the water before standing to his full height and glancing around like he was searching for something. His gaze stopped on you and a bright smile broke out on his face at the sight of you sitting on the beach and observing the scene.
It made you feel warm to see him brush off your friends and push through the water so he could get over to you, shaking his head to semi dry his hair and laughing when you squealed at the sudden wetness hitting you.
âYou cold?â He was flopping down onto the sand next to you and his cold skin brushed yours for a second before you flinched away and groaned.
âYeah but I think Jaeyunâs brother is gonna make us leave any second anyways.â You were scrunching your nose up as you looked over at him and he smiled up at you.
Heeseung always seemed to be smiling but especially in your direction.
You werenât an idiot and you didnât at all miss the fact that he was extra attached to you. You had a deeper bond than anybody else in the group and even though you werenât exactly sure when the transition into something deeper happened, you were sure you both could feel it constantly bubbling under the surface.
It wasnât something you felt like you needed to confess or say out loud officially because you had all the time in the world here with him.
âCome swim with us.â He was watching you as your hand reached over to swipe the drying sand off his forehead.
âNot happening Hee sorry.â You smiled when he groaned and rolled over onto his back, knowing you had made up your mind by the tone in your voice. âWe can always swim tomorrow.â
â
Tomorrow never came because the next morning you were racing down to the Lee house with a plate of cinnamon rolls Rikiâs mom had made and finding it almost completely empty.
Your heart had dropped into your stomach but you still slowly approached the familiar door and knocked against it softly.
Typically you didnât even bother knocking considering you were there more than your own house but something was off and you suddenly felt like an intruder.
The sight of his grandma opening the door and giving you a pained expression when she saw it was you almost fully killed you and if that didnât do it then the fact she softly whispered to you that he wasnât going to be coming back anytime soon definitely did.
It was hard not to grab her by the shoulders and demand she tell you where he had gone and it was even harder to hold in your sobs as you ran all the way back to the house next to yours, bursting into Rikiâs living room and climbing into his bed to cry while you waited for him to get off work.
Heâd barely understood you through your blubbering sobs and when he did he was joining you in the bed and falling into a hurt silence.
The hurt rippled through you for months until you gathered the courage to ask his grandma for his address so you could write him a letter.
She was clearly reluctant but she gave it to you anyways and you spent all week writing it and expressing to him how you felt, both for him and about the fact he had left without saying goodbye. You wished sheâd turned you down when it got sent right back unopened and the same thing happened for the next twenty after that.
You kept writing them for two years even though theyâd always make their way back to the post office and at the end of that summer, you finally put the pen down.
At some point during the third year youâd gotten a postcard that had no writing on it or even a signature. It was just a blank card with a photo of some cartoonish cherry blossoms and a small river.
You somehow knew it was from him without any confirmation and you wept like a baby in the middle of all the mailboxes, hugging it to your chest and swearing youâd never let yourself feel like that again. You almost sent it back to him like heâd done to you for so long but instead you stuffed it under your pillow and tried to not feel itâs weight every night you slept.
Now four years later he was suddenly everywhere again.
Heâd started to work at the surfboard rental shop across from your own place and he was practically at every single hangout like nothing had changed.
Except everything had changed and he was such a jarringly different person that you almost felt like you were hanging out with the corpse of your old friend.
âWeâve gotta get you some sun man.â Jake was disguising his concerns with some light teasing one of the days you all made your way up to Sunghoonâs place but you all knew Heeseung and his current state was the constant elephant in the room.
âYeah.â His noncommittal low mumbling was about the most you got out of him these days and you sighed from where you were laying on the couch.
His empty gaze landed on you when you were standing up and pushing Sunghoonâs legs off of you (much to his annoyance). You approached him and stuck your hand out in his direction just to be met with a raised eyebrow and no movement.
âCmon letâs go.â You were firm in your words and shaking your hand slightly to urge him to take it in his before you got too impatient. He sighed at you but did exactly that and you pushed aside the warmth that spread you in favor of pulling him up so he was standing.
You were slightly thrown off by how close he ended up next to you so you took a step back while raking over his tall frame and clearing your throat.
âIâm sick of your moping.â You didnât expect him to continue holding your hand after you pulled him up but you took advantage of the opportunity and started to tug him behind you as you walked towards the doors.
Heeseung stayed silent as you dragged him outside and down the long sandy steps that led down the hillside and onto the small private beach that the park family owned. You never hung out there much as kids considering you werenât allowed to surf here and you preferred the large waves and active community of the public one but it would do for now.
âWhat are we doing?â He was finally speaking once you dropped his hand and turned to look at him.
âGoing swimming obviously.â You were pulling your shirt over your head the second you finished speaking so you just barely saw his reaction to your hands grabbing the bottom hem.
It was long enough that you managed to watch his eyes widen and drop down to the sudden skin showing but he somehow was able to have a blank expression again by the time you got it off and tossed it onto the sand carelessly.
Youâd turned to walk closer to the water but you stopped and looked over your shoulder when you realized he wasnât following you anymore.
âCmon.â Your thumbs pushed down the hem of your shorts to showcase the rest of your bikini and now you heard him scoff a laugh as the water touched your ankles.
The water was unusually cold from the few cloudy days youâd had but you were determined now to get him to have some fun and open up a little bit before he really started to bum the rest of you out.
You fought your smile when you heard light splashing behind you and when you finally turned around you were thrown off by the amount of pale skin you were seeing. Obviously you knew heâd have to take off his shirt to get in the water but you were mainly stuck on the changes to his body.
Heâd clearly filled out, something you could have guessed from the height, and now he looked surprisingly strong unlike his lanky frame he had when you were younger. Outfit of his ribs slightly showing, he definitely had some muscle definition that you looked away from immediately.
Your eyes landed on what was even more jarring and he surprisingly didnât shy away when you scanned over the bruising covering his stomach and sides.
You met his gaze for just a second and he just stood there with the light ripples hitting his belly button.
âGet into some trouble?â Your question was light and almost teasing so he had room to ignore you. You didnât want to bombard him for answers especially since it wasnât really your place anymore.
If this had been four years ago, you would have wrapped him up in your arms and demanded to know who possibly could have hurt him but that boy wasnât here anymore. He definitely wasnât the cold one standing in front of you.
âSomething like that.â His response was as uncharacteristic as you expected it to be and you simply nodded your head before waiting for him to catch up to you.
He was up to his chest now in the water and you were starting to struggle to stay afloat which seemed to amuse him if the quirk of his lips told you anything.
âIsnât this nice?â Your voice was quieter now and you almost face palmed at how nervous and unnatural you sounded.
Heeseung was just watching you like you were the one who had changed but there was something heavy in his eyes now. You almost flinched at the feeling of his warm leg brushing yours under the water once he was finally starting to relax and float a little but you managed to collect yourself.
He hummed in agreement but you could tell he was just doing it to give you the answer he knew you wanted to hear.
You wondered if the cold water felt good on his bruises or if you were just making him feel worse by trying to help.
âSurprised you didnât bring the others.â He was talking again surprisingly and now he was fully floating on his back with his gaze set on the sky and the colors of the setting sun. âSince you and Sunghoon are so close now.â
The jealous tone of his voice was not something you were used to and you didnât realize he could sound even less like himself until he proved you wrong.
Heeseung and you had always been each others number ones and heâd never had to doubt his position in your life before but it made you blood boiling mad that he had such an accusatory tone now like youâd done something wrong.
Did he expect you to sit around and mope forever, holding out hope that heâd maybe decide to return one day despite not even knowing where heâd gone?
âWeâve always been close Heeseung. We all are.â Your voice was stable despite how the opposite you felt and something unsaid was being heard loudly in your choice of words.
For the first time since he came back, you were blatantly excluding him from the group. None of you were teenagers anymore and youâd been through a decade of stories and experiences just in the last few years as you transitioned into adults.
Maybe the sight of him now, grown up and empty, wouldnât have hurt so bad if you watched it happen slowly instead of all at once. Maybe it wouldnât have happened this way at all and he would have been a totally different person with your influence.
You immediately felt guilty and gross for giving yourself that much credit.
âItâs different now though.â He seemed set in his idea that you and Sunghoon had some secret deeper bond and you didnât even try to argue with him this time.
âYouâre different.â The response you settled with was pretty petty and he seemed to agree judging by the way he scoffed but he was sitting up and moving a tad closer to you in the water.
âYeah well youâre exactly the same.â He said it so simply that you couldnât tell if it was meant to be an insult, compliment or simply just an observation. He was either calling you immature or making a callback to how your relationship used to be.
You figured it was the latter when his hand was brushing against your waist under the water.
âNot all of me.â Your voice had gotten lower now as you realized the mood was shifting to something youâd not experienced with him before.
Youâd always found Heeseung attractive obviously but he was so young and you werenât exactly the age either where you were thinking about him in this way. Sure, heâd been touchy back then with his hand in yours or an arm around your waist as you walked together but never with this look in his eye.
It felt wrong to have him shifting even closer to you, bare chest and his wet hair almost covering his eyes as he stared down due to your newfound height difference.
Mainly the wrong feeling came due to the fact that you barely knew him now and you didnât want to get to know him like this. You wished it had happened naturally, your friendship had returned when he did and so did your comfortability and maybe eventually the love buried deep in your chest.
But you were so desperate to feel something from him, anything that might indicate he had once cared about you. So you didnât push him away when he leaned down to kiss you.
His mouth was hot against yours and suddenly all of the teasing touches and heavy glances made a lot more sense.
He had a desperation you didnât expect and your head was spinning by the time he was pulling you even closer by your waist and slotting his knee in between your legs under the water.
âHee.â You breathed out his name as he licked into your mouth and he shushed you impatiently, not wanting to give you the chance to stop him before heâd even gotten to really have you.
You werenât going to and your hips were rolling against his leg, the water hitting higher up on your stomach and making you gasp from the cold and how it splashed over your covered chest.
He seemed to notice considering he was impatiently pulling the fabric of your bikini top away from your skin and you moaned when his mouth was leaving yours in favor of hungrily connecting with your hard nipples. The warmth of his mouth made you spin and you held the back of his head against your chest.
His knee was rocking under you and you kept grinding yourself down on it, free hand wrapping around his back and feeling the muscles clench everytime he moved himself towards you.
âHee.â you gasped out his name again and this time he atleast hummed in acknowledgement, big hands gripping your waist and forcing you to keep moving against him.
âCmon y/n, stop fucking talking.â His mouth was back on yours and this time it was you who immediately licked into his closed lips, the sound of his low voice spurring you on even more.
He was lifting you out of the water and your legs wrapped around his waist so you wouldnât fall. You didnât even realize heâd be strong enough to lift you but he seemed to have no problem as he started walking towards the shore and you rolled your hips into his hard on that you could now feel pressing against you.
Your mouth parted when you felt how hard he was already and he laid you gently down onto the sand before climbing ontop of you and kissing you again.
This time his body was covering you and you whined when his hips lowered down on yours.
He was sitting up for only a second so he could finish untying your bathing suit and tugging it off of you and you watched as his eyes locked hungrily on your bare chest while you panted heavily.
Your eyes were big and wanting as you stared up at him and the sight was almost too much so he went back to kissing you deeply.
His body was still just as wet as yours and the feeling of his hot skin warming up what the water had cooled was almost as addicting as the way he rolled his hips down slowly.
âFuck y/n.â He was groaning into your neck and you inhaled at the way he was biting the skin and definitely leaving marks on you. âUsed to be mine remember?â
You were shaking your head in disagreement but the way you were rocking your hips and holding onto the back of his head was very telling, you might as well have had his name carved on you.
âGonna make you mine again.â
Heeseung was pushing your bathing suit bottoms to the side and playing with the waistband of his before impatiently shoving them down onto his thighs. You were both hurt by his impatience and extremely turned on by the fact he was about to take you on the beach without even fully undressing you.
âTell me you want it.â His tongue licked up to your ear and you gasped at the feeling of his thick head pressing against your wetness, your legs spreading automatically for him.
âWant it. Want it Hee.â You were breathing heavily and trying to fuck yourself down on him even though it was pointless considering how strong his grip on your waist was, pinning you down against the sand and feeling the way you arched up into him when he started to push himself inside.
The slide was easy and your cry was loud enough that you almost worried the other boys would be able to hear you.
âFucking tight.â His voice was strained as he spat the words through gritted teeth and you clenched around him at the praise, wanting to make him feel as good as he was so easily doing to you. âPerfect pussy for me, sliding right in. So wet y/n.â
His constant use of your name made you feel even more insane and you whined louder when he bottomed out inside you. Heeseung didnât waste any time before he was starting to roughly fuck into you and it was exactly what you needed after years of pent of anger and emotions.
âFuck me hard Hee.â You begged him through your cries and he gladly delivered exactly what you needed, slamming his hips against yours so fast it was painful. âFucking hate you.â
âHate you so much.â His rebuttal was quick and he caught your mouth in a rough kiss as he spoke, teeth hitting yours making you wince in pain.
âShow me. Fuck me like you hate me.â
He was doing what you asked without any question and you almost broke from how much you could feel it radiating off of him, hate and anger stemming from something you didnât even understand.
Then it was over before you even processed it started and you were both left panting on the sand as the sun finished setting and the sand underneath you dried.
Heeseung was rolling away from you to land on his back with a grunt and your entire body shivered when you felt his arm pressing against yours and giving you a little bit of warmth that barely made up for how cold you felt all over.
Everything surrounding you was cold now and him not saying a single world just made it ten times worse.
You were hit with shame and guilt tenfold and tears were springing to yours eyes before you could stop them. You vaguely heard him shifting next to you and sniffing loudly, your head turning to him.
Your eyes grew in size when you saw heâd dug something out of his discarded shirts pocket and was sitting up with his head turned away from you like it would make what he was doing any less obvious.
âAre you fucking kidding me right now?â Your voice was low and venomous and your hands uncomfortably went to cover your chest as you sat up and scooted away from him. âYouâre getting high?â
He didnât even look over at you as he cleared his burning throat and shoved whatever the small capsule was back into his crumbled up shirt. The sight of him rolling his eyes like you were annoying him almost made you just sink into the ocean and disappear.
âGet dressed before they come down here and find you like that.â He was standing up as he spoke again and you hated that the tears were fully falling now, hot on your flushed cheeks.
Your shaking hands did their best to tie up your bikini top and he finally looked down at where you were still sitting on the sand and sobbing. You werenât sure he could see the tears considering how dark it was now but when he turned his face away with a cold expression you knew that he had.
Heeseung was pulling his shift over his head and hesitating for just a few seconds while looking at the stairs back up to the house, almost like he was considering leaving you there.
âWho even are you?â You werenât sure how you managed to speak so strongly through your cries but he clearly felt the impact of it as he tensed up and his jaw locked.
âDoes it matter?â
ââ
After youâd gotten dressed you had stormed past him up the steps only after slamming your shoulder into his side and steeling your expression. He gave you a few seconds before he was following you up but he didnât come inside when you got up there.
Youâd gone up to Riki and quietly asked him if he could take you home, cold hands shaking as they gripped his wrist and eyes still swollen.
The other boys were silent when they saw the state of you and you just hoped they couldnât guess what had happened, shame hitting you hard at even the idea of them finding out how youâd just been used and discarded so easily.
You sat there the entire car ride back to town with your head half out the window and the warm summer air doing itâs best to stop the tears from rolling down your face.
Riki didnât ask you any questions and you were grateful when he pulled into his own driveway and not yours, not even realizing how much you didnât want to go home until you saw your front door and felt the nausea building.
It was unspoken that he let you rot in the bed in the spare room for the first few days and by day three Jake was rubbing your back softly and trying to get you to eat something.
Sunghoon came and went constantly and you spent most nights with him laying beside you, not touching or speaking but just having him there. You werenât sure if theyâd figured it out or if Heeseung told them but something in you knew that they knew what happened.
You started to feel slightly better after a week of moping and letting yourself finally feel the heartbreak thatâd be been building for so many years and after two weeks you were back to work.
If you spent more your shift looking out the window to try to get a glimpse of him in the shop across the street then that was your own personal secret.
He was still somebody you cared about as frustrating as that was but it still made you sick that you started to worry when you hadnât seen him for a few weeks.
It had been almost a month since that night on the beach and you no longer could assume he was just avoiding you. The town was too small and you would have run into by now regardless if you wanted that or not so heâd either been completely isolating himself or he was gone again and you werenât sure which one of those hurt you more.
âHeâs still here.â Sunghoonâs voice was low next to your ear as you laid in his bed this time, giving Riki and his family a break even though he insisted they didnât need or want one.
You still wanted to come up here with Sunghoon even though it was a bit hard considering what had happened last time but you figured it was hard for him to be in such a big house all by himself now that his dad wasnât coming anymore.
âDid you talk to him?â You were rolling onto your stomach and looking at him with wide eyes and he sighed softly as he studied the hope on your face.
âNot really.â He was mumbling now and the pout your lips formed almost made him feel sick. âJust for a second. I was skating past his place.â
You were nodding in understanding but you felt weirdly settled that he hadnât gone anywhere and he was seemingly here to stay despite how it always felt like he was trying his hardest to get away from you all. You should have get the times worse that he was around and you had a change to run into him sooner than later but you were an idiot at heart.
âHe doesnât deserve you being sad for him, you know that right?â Your hair was being pushed behind your ear by Sunghoonâs hand and you watched him as he stared.
He looked vulnerable and it made sense considering he was not the type of person to say things like that to anybody, especially not to you. Your heart hurt hearing it from somebody else but you gave a soft nod anyways despite not at all agreeing with what he was saying.
âI mean it. Youâre like⌠the best thing any of us could even begin to imagine and he acts like youâre going to stay no matter how he treats you. Heâs always been like that, you just didnât want to see it.â
Your face fell as he kept talking and getting more and more upset. Youâd had no idea he felt this way or even noticed things like that and you hated that you started to think about what Heeseung had insinuated before on the beach.
It made you feel overly warm to consider that Sunghoon might have some type of feelings towards you and yet here he was, laying in bed with you for days and comforting you after you let some asshole break your heart for the thousandth time.
âIâm not going to let him do that to me anymore Hoon.â You heard your voice as it came out and heard how obvious the lie was, knowing he did too when he was just blankly staring at you.
âYou love him.â His response was curt but it hit you full force and you tried your best not to let any visible reaction show. âYou chose him a long time ago.â
You werenât sure if he was talking about you choosing Heeseung over yourself and your own well-being or if he was once again saying what you think he might have been.
The guilt coursed through you when you were laying your head down on his chest and listening to how fast his heartbeat started to pulse but you couldnât look at his honest face anymore and the conversation needed to end before it was all too much.
It was only building more when the next morning you were writing him a note letting him know youâd be back soon before hitching a ride back into town.
You spent the entire hour it took getting to Heeseungâs house both trying to gather the courage to go through with your idea and also trying to talk yourself out of it, reaching a peak of panic when you were knocking softly on his door.
He took a long time to open and just as you were about to turn around and leave, there he was.
Standing in the doorway that youâd seen him in close to a thousands times but looking so different that it felt brand new. He didnât look surprised to see you on his porch and that made you feel even shittier.
âYou okay?â He surprised you with the question and how genuine it sounded but you kept your face flat.
âAre you okay?â You emphasized the word and shifted uncomfortably in place until he was stepping aside and letting you in the small house. âThe boys are worried about you.â
If he knew you were lying than he didnât mention it and you took a second to glance around the living room.
Not much had changed about it besides the numerous boxes that were either still unpacked or in the process of being put back away. You didnât want to ask him and when you met his eyes again you could tell he didnât want to answer.
âWell Iâm fine.â His answer finally came and he was biting the inside of his cheek like he was trying not to say something.
He was such a mystery to you that it was genuinely started to get under your skin. He looked at you like youâd done something so terrible to him and you had absolutely no idea what was bothering him so much, especially since he was the one who had left you.
âYouâre fine?â Your voice was flat and bitter and he nodded stiffly to which you scoffed and rubbed your face in annoyance. âSo you donât want to talk about it? You donât think we should?â
âGo talk to Sunghoon if you want someone to talk emotions with.â His gaze was fiery on you and you almost flinched away from it like it really could have burned you.
You stared at him dumbfounded for a few breaths and the air in the living room was so tense you worried the walls would collapse from it. He actually looked slightly regretful after he said it which shocked you but it didnât really matter since it was already in your head now.
Heeseung was taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair before looking at you one more time.
âIâll get dressed and we can go.â You didnât respond to him and your hurt stare was clearly making him uncomfortable. âIs that okay?â
You waited just a few more seconds before you were giving him a curt nod and covering your mouth from the shock of the entire conversation and whatever was happening between the two of you.
He was turning to walk down the hallway to his room but stopping midway and giving you a glance over his shoulder like he was making sure you hadnât left.
Your shoulders lost all tension the second he was out of sight and you leaned against the wall to help hold you up, proud of yourself for not running out or embarrassingly tearing up again.
It was quiet for a long time and you didnât even want to begin to imagine what was taking him so long to throw on a simple outfit but youâd begun to wander around the house while you waited, ending up in the kitchen.
âOh y/n.â
The soft voice calling out for you had your head turning swiftly and your eyes widened when you saw his mom standing in the doorway of the kitchen.
âMs Lee.â You sounded astonished and you hoped she wasnât too offended by the fact you were standing in her house with your sandals still covered in sand. âI didnât know you were home. Iâm sorry to barge in.â
âAlways such a sweet girl.â She waved her hands at you like you were ridiculous for apologizing for such a small thing and your heart warmed when she crossed the room to hold your face gently. âYouâre friends with my son again? Iâll take that as a good sign.â
You smiled lightly and just nodded at her, not having the nerve to tell her you werenât exactly friends and he definitely wasnât doing as well as the hope in her voice led you to believe she thought he was.
âYou were always so good for him. He worried so much about you never forgiving him for leaving but you must understand it wasnât his fault.â Her hands were warm on your face and you felt a lot of guilt as she spoke.
You werenât exactly sure you were supposed to be hearing this so you didnât ask her any questions or pry.
Heeseung mustâve heard his moms voice because he looked flustered by the time he came out of his room, barely pulling his shirt over his head as he crossed into the kitchen and looked between the two of you.
âMa, what are you doing back?â His voice sounded overly similar to how it used to as he comfortably addressed her and the difference shocked you.
âDonât make me sound like such a bother.â She was lightly scolding him before letting go of your face and you immediately missed the warmth of her hands and gaze. âI was just telling y/n how happy I am you two are together again.â
Your eyes widened at the same time his did and your face flushed bright red at the implication that she thought you and Heeseung were dating now, along with how she apparently had thought youâd been dating beforehand too.
âOh relax you two. I just mean together as in the same space.â She laughed and waved her hands in dismissal again but you definitely didnât relax. âWhere is he taking you?â
It took you a few seconds to realize she was addressing you and your mouth parted in silence, fumbling for an answer since you didnât actually know where he was planning for the two of you to go.
âItâs a surprise Ma.â His voice was gentle and so was the kiss he laid on the side of her head, her eyes shutting happily as he kissed her teeth and rubbed him on his shoulder. âBut weâve gotta get going.â
She was shooing you away without another word and giving you a heavy glance that you didnât really understand, following behind Heeseung as he led you out back through the side entrance that came out onto their driveway.
âOh holy shit. You still have this thing?â You were curling your nose up at the sight of the old beat up pickup truck that his grandpa used to drive you all around in.
You always got the luxury of sitting on one of the other two seats inside since you were the only girl but all the boys had a blast everytime they had to pile into the bed and feel the wind drying them off as you drove home from the beaches and waterfalls.
Heeseungâs grandpa had died when you were about twelve and the truck sat in the driveway for many years until his grandma was giving him the keys for his 16th birthday, a wink and a swift warning before sending him off to pick you all up.
âI still remember you outside my house blaring on the horn.â You were smiling to yourself as you went around the front so you could climb into the passenger side, feeling the rough leather.
He was getting in a second after you and you tried your best to stare as he situated himself and cleared his throat before putting the truck into drive.
Your gaze on him made him glance your way as he was backing out but it barely lasted a blink before he was looking away.
You waited an hour before you were speaking again, spending the entire time with the windows down and the sound of the loud wind filling up whatever silence the old radio left. It was playing some tape his grandpa had left behind and his hands were tapping the steering wheel in time with it.
It felt the most like your old times with him than anything else had so far and you had to remind yourself that things were still different.
You may have taken this drive with him a dozen times but things had changed. His hand wasnât on your knee drawing shapes and your eyes werenât bright and filled with love as you laughed and yelled over the music together.
That picture was a lot warmer than what reality was and you glanced over at him again.
The mountains were stretching behind his side profile now that you were farther away from town than you usually went and he looked so relaxed and calm that you almost felt bad for ruining the silence.
âAre you going to tell me where weâre going anytime soon?â You were turning your body so your back was against the car door and your legs were curled into the middle seat, a few inches from the side of his thigh.
He didnât answer you right away and you scoffed in annoyance at his audacity to just ignore you straight to your face like he hadnât been the one to invite you here. You crossed your arms over your chest and looked away from him in upset but he was pulling onto the side of the road and parking the car before you could get really mad.
You sat there for a few seconds while he gripped the steering wheel and you took the time to glance around the area.
It was a long dirt road with a lot of thick trees and bushy areas, no other cars or parking lots in site. You were beyond confused and if it was anyone else with you then youâd even feel a little scared but despite Heeseung feeling like a stranger, he wasnât one.
âAre you okay with walking a bit?â His voice was low when he finally spoke and you noticed he sounded similar to how he did while talking to his mom earlier, your heart tugging at how casual he was being towards you after weeks of hearing him sound so angry and empty.
âY-yeah.â Your eyes widened at the sudden question and you felt embarrassed for stuttering even though he didnât seem to care considering he was nodding and getting out of the truck. âNot a problem.â You mumbled to yourself before following him.
He was disappearing into the tree line and you would have been more confused if you didnât see the faintest evidence of an old trail that had clearly been overgrown.
Heeseung was confident in his steps and every turn he took seemed like it was practiced so you quickly gathered that he knew exactly where he was and you wondered when he would have come out here enough to be this knowledgeable about it.
You were together pretty much all the time as kids and as far as you knew he hadnât gone anywhere since coming back to town so his mystery was just growing even more to you.
Youâd been walking for about twenty minutes with just the sounds of snapping sticks and the wind rustling the trees before it was opening up to reveal a small waterfall and a pond amongst the trees.
The bank was completely made up of rocks and fallen tree logs, something completely different than the sandy shores you were used to. You could tell right away this wasnât a place for swimming but you just kept following him as he hopped onto the large boulders before eventually sitting on one.
You watched the side of his face as you waited for him to explain and he just watched the view with a slightly pained expression.
âCan you⌠can you not look at me.â His first words hit you hard and you flinched at the rough tone heâd taken on again. âPlease it just will make this easier.â
Although confused, you nodded and opted for instead staring at the way your feet were dangling over the open water. Your thighs were burning from the rough edge of the boulder and the height you were sat at was slightly intimidating but you willed yourself to not look at him no matter how much you wanted to.
âI came here the day that I left. Stole the truck and ran out of the house even though my mom was practically tripping over herself in the driveway trying to get me to stop. I think she thought if I went I wouldnât come back.â He took a break for you to process what he was telling you and the last sentence hit you hard.
You knew he loved his mom and hearing about her fear and what actually went down the day they moved away was almost too much and you considered asking him to stop talking.
Instead you clenched your hand onto the cold boulders surface and waited for him to keep going.
âIt was a world of things that donât matter anymore, never fucking matter but I need you to understand how much I regret it.â You could feel him looking at you now.
âI should have said goodbye to you and I shouldâve answered your letters but I knew Iâd come back the second I heard a single word from you and I couldnât leave her alone. She needed me and I figured youâd be okay with the others. Youâd hate me but youâd be okay.â
His voice was getting shakier and you couldnât resist looking at him anymore although he didnât look upset that you had done so, his hand stretching the distance between you so he could grip your hand that was practically clawing at the stone.
You squeezed his warm hand tight in yours as you sniffled and the tears built up quickly when you saw how nervous he looked.
âAnd Iâm so fucking sorry for what I did to you at Sunghoonâs.â He grit his teeth as he said it like it pained him to remember and your stomach turned uncomfortably, almost feeling sick at the memory of how shut off he had been now. Especially comparing it to the way he was looking at you now. âI was angry at myself and took it out on you. It was fucking disgusting.â
A sob hit you at that and you donât know if him scooting closer made you feel better or worse but you leaned into him anyways and felt your heart calm at the way he wrapped his arms around you.
âY/n I donât regret it okay? Just the way that it happened but you know⌠I-I hope you know that Iâve always-â He sighed and stopped talking like he couldnât find the words and you wiped your face quickly.
You leaned away from him just enough to get a good look at his face and he looked panicked like he didnât know how you were going to respond.
âYouâre not high right now right?â
His face fell in hurt at your question before it was turning into understanding and guilty, the shake of his head not doing nearly enough to lessen your worries which he quickly seemed to notice because he was leaning closer and making sure you could see him when he spoke.
âIâm not high I promise you. I havenât been since that night on the beach.â He sounded genuine and you would have believed him before but you didnât know him now and he easily couldâve been lying to you. âHow can I help you know that?â
The desperation in his question and expression made him look so much younger and another sob hit you as you started to see him for who he was.
Not some corpse like imposter who had moved back to town and taken the identity of your old friend and lover but just a lost and confused Heeseung who had clearly gone through something you didnât understand yet.
So when you kissed him it wasnât for any other reason this time, it wasnât because you just wanted to feel that he was actually there or because you thought there was no other way to be close to him again but it was because you wanted him to know that you believed him and you were patient.
Youâd been patient and youâd continue to be because Sunghoon had been right when he said you always loved Heeseung and youâd constantly choose him.
Something in you told you that this time heâd do his best to choose you too, his hands holding your face so gently and his thumbs swiping soothingly over your cheeks to rid you of the constant stream of tears despite his own wetting his face too.
You werenât even really sure what you were crying for.
If it was for the pain heâd put you through or the pain he was dealing with himself. Maybe it was because of the lost time and the years you couldâve spent together or the relief at not having to experience his absence again, something beautiful in the way you were holding each other and sharing the grief of what could have been.
You could only hope that what will be would be worth every tear in the end.
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Knight In Shining Armour : ĚĚâ Carlos Sainz
summary: youâre all for carlos protecting you, but the extent that carlos will go to do so even leaves you feeling slightly fearful of what heâs truly capable of
Your eyes went wide in horror as Carlos turned away from you, holding on tightly to his hand. Drops of blood were already hitting the floor as Carlos shielded himself from you momentarily, refusing to let you see just how much it hurt. You rushed over to him regardless, resting your hand against his back as you tried to hide the frustration that was on your face.Â
âWhat were you thinking?â You scolded, head shaking in disbelief as Carlos smiled weakly back at you.Â
He bit down on his bottom lip as he tried his best to mask the pain, âhe gave me no choice, what was I supposed to do?âÂ
âNot hit him,â you shouted, throwing your arms up in the air. You went to speak again but you were interrupted by a member of Ferrari staff bringing across a medical kit to help you sort Carlos out.Â
âHeâs been flirting with you for weeks, I bet he probably doesnât even work here,â Carlos tried to explain, âI can only stand back for so long.âÂ
You took a hold of Carlosâ hand, brushing your fingertips over it gently, âif thatâs what he was doing, which I donât think he was, this isnât the answer to fixing it.âÂ
Carlos understood your frustration, but he was desperate to stand up for you and your relationship. His apologetic eyes watched as you wiped over the wound, making sure that it was clean, despite Carlos hissing in pain.Â
âI appreciate that you care,â you softly spoke, breaking the slight tension between you both, âbut you donât always have to be my knight in shining armour.âÂ
Carlos glanced across at you, âI do, Iâm your boyfriend.âÂ
âAnd look where thatâs got you today,â you huffed, pointing back at his hand, âyouâll be lucky if you can still drive this weekend with this.âÂ
The realisation finally seemed to hit Carlos as he sunk back in his seat. âIt would still be worth it, knowing that I was able to protect you.âÂ
You couldnât help but feel guilty as Carlos seemed to throw away his career with his words, confidently assuring you that you were the priority. He really would do anything to keep you safe, no matter the cost.Â
Carlos could tell you were worrying as you remained silent, âIâm fine, really.âÂ
You wanted to believe him, but you just couldnât. As much as you adored Carlos, you were scared by how much he loved you and the extent to which he would go to protect you and keep you safe.Â
âI donât want to be the reason you hurt yourself,â you admitted, closing up the medical kit. Your voice was the softest it had been since Carlos took a swing, making him look back across at you. Your heart was racing as you spoke, unable to block out the fear as to what might have happened if Carlos wasnât pulled away by members of the Ferrari garage.Â
Carlos understood how you were feeling, his reaction had surprised himself too. It was a situation he never found himself in before, heâd never felt threatened, but when he did, instinct kicked in. It was almost as if he just saw red, trying his best to find the quickest thing to do in order to fix the situation.Â
Only Carlos hadnât quite fixed the situation, because now he had you beside him wondering where that side of your boyfriend even came from.Â
You knew that Carlos had all good intentions, but knowing that he hit someone, for you especially, left a sour taste in his mouth. He was one of the golden boys of F1, charming, kind, considerate to everyone, but that persona that everyone loved seemed to disappear so quickly when trouble arose.Â
After a few moments of silence, Carlos stood himself up from where he sat, soon realising that you had nothing left to say to him, deciding to give you a bit of space to think instead.Â
It wasnât quite the reaction that Carlos was expecting though.Â
Whilst he didnât imagine you throwing yourself into his arms, he had hoped youâd be a bit more understanding. He did it for you, even if it didnât seem that way, a way that you certainly werenât appreciative of right now.Â
You found yourself back in Carlosâ drivers' room after taking a walk around the paddock, feeling as if everyoneâs eyes were on you. You werenât actively avoiding Carlos, but not bumping into him was a bit of a relief.Â
The room was untouched from how you both had left it earlier in the day, random bits of merch were scattered around, the sofa at the back of the room still draped with blankets, one of which you wrapped around your frame.Â
With the four walls surrounding you, you finally allowed yourself to take a moment. A tear fell down your cheek, which you quickly wiped away, throwing your head back.Â
You lost count of how long you were in the room, waves of fear, pride, nerves washing over you. Your mind was spiralling out of control as you tried to piece together the various pieces of the emotional jigsaw you were fixing.Â
The only thing that brought you back was Carlos creeping into the room, smiling weakly as he greeted you. His hand looked a lot better, bandage around it to try and protect the wound, hiding the faint colours of purple that youâd already noticed earlier.Â
âHi,â you whispered as Carlos tentatively took a seat beside you.Â
There was still a slight tension as Carlos turned to face you. âI thought you might be in here, do you want me to leave you alone?âÂ
âNo,â you spoke, resting your head in your hands, âthis is your room more than it is mine.âÂ
âIâm sorry,â Carlos spoke as soon as you fell silent.Â
âYouâre an idiot,â you scolded, but Carlos already knew that. âI donât even know what you were thinking doing that today.âÂ
Carlos shrugged back across at you, âit was stupid, but at that moment it felt like the right thing to do in order to protect you.âÂ
âI donât always need protecting,â you reminded him, your voice getting louder with every word you spoke. âI especially donât need protecting if thatâs the way that youâre going to do it.âÂ
Carlos understood your frustrations, he knew you felt let down by his actions, but now he was scared too. âIâm sorry that I let you down, but I was scared too love. I was terrified that this guy was going to start getting involved with you, and then I just wouldnât have known what to do.âÂ
Your brows knitted together, âdo you really think if anyone else was interested in me that I would pay them any attention when Iâve got you here with me?âÂ
âI know, and thatâs on me,â Carlos whispered, running his hands over his face. âMaybe itâs me, maybe Iâm the one that needs to stop watching over their shoulder all the time.âÂ
You shifted your body so that you were facing Carlos too, making sure that your full attention was on him as he began to open up to you.Â
âEveryone thinks that Iâve got it all, the career, the partner, the supportive family, but that doesnât mean that I donât worry too,â Carlos confessed, his voice a little shaky. âI still worry most days that something is going to give, that something is going to get taken away from me, and the thing that Iâd hate to get taken the most is definitely you.âÂ
You nodded, taking in every word that Carlos said to you. âI never imagined youâd feel like that, I guess I was one of those people that was under the illusion that you were living the dream too. Do you really worry that someoneâs going to come and take me away from you?âÂ
âEveryday.âÂ
âOh, Carlos,â you whispered, feeling your heart break. You moved closer towards him, taking a hold of his unbandaged hand.Â
âI know it sounds stupid, but it scares me sometimes how in love I am with you, and I worry that someday all of this is going to be taken away from me. Iâve never been happier than I am with you,â Carlos told you, tightening his grip on your hand.Â
You smiled weakly as his tearful eyes looked across at you. âIf thatâs ever how you feel, youâve just got to come and tell me, donât act like this. I didnât recognise you earlier when you hit him, thatâs not the Carlos that I know and love, it was like watching a stranger.Â
It was something that Carlos knew heâd have to spend a long time making up to you, knowing that his actions left you frightened earlier was a guilt that he wouldnât be able to get rid of for a while. He knew heâd let his own insecurities eat away at him for too long, unable to hold it back today and finally letting them tip over the edge and get him into trouble.Â
You could see it too, seeing him silently scold himself as he let the voices in his head get the better of him.Â
âI love that you love me and want to protect me, but I only ever want you to do that when youâre safe,â you asked of him, ânot getting yourself into a situation like this.âÂ
Carlos nodded at your request, âI donât ever want to end up like this again, my hand hurts more now than it does after a crash.âÂ
Your eyes rolled as a snigger came from Carlos. âYouâre going to be feeling the effects of that for a while, luckily for you, youâve got a partner who knows a thing or two about helping you through injuries.âÂ
Carlosâ head came down to rest against your shoulder, âI think Iâm just lucky that Iâve got you, in whatever situation we find ourselves.âÂ
Your eyes were drawn to the bandage on Carlosâ hand, placing your free hand gently over it. Knowing that was underneath was done for you hurt, knowing Carlos had put himself through that just for you left a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.Â
âPromise me that youâll talk to me,â you asked him, wanting to hear it one final time from him, âtell me things, thatâll still make you my knight in shining armour.âÂ
Carlos nodded back at you straight away, âI promise Iâll tell you anything, no matter how stupid it might be.âÂ
âNothing is stupid if it keeps you safe,â you reminded him, leaning your head back to press a kiss against the top of his, âthatâs all I want for you.âÂ
âI know, and thatâs all that I want for you too.âÂ
ËËË đđđđđđđđđđ ! ´ËË
#f1#f1 imagine#formula 1#carlos sainz#carlos sainz imagine#formula 1 x reader#f1 x reader#formula 1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 reaction#formula 1 x you#formula 1 fanfic#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz x reader#formula one x you#formula one x reader#formula one imagine#formula 1 fic#formula one#f1 drabble#f1 fluff#f1 x you#f1 fic
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healing a heart i didn't break. LH44. MV1. SMAU. part one.
cheater! lewis hamilton x reader. max verstappen x reader.
when your boyfriend of three years fumbles, his rival is there to put the pieces of your heart back together bit by bit.
warnings: 14 year age gap with lewis. cursing. cheating. mentions of the anniversary of a family member's death.
author's note: in this reader is 25 years old. lewis is a jerk but just for the plot. this first chapter is just the cheating. max will show up in the next chapters.
part two
faceclaim: camilla morrone
y/ninsta
liked by alexandrasaintmleux, lewishamilton, y/bffinsta and 678,901 others
tagged lewishamilton and y/bffinsta
y/ninsta: the best summer break with my favourite people
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alexandrasaintmleux: looking forward to seeing you all in the netherlands
y/ninsta: i can't wait to see you alex !
lewishamilton: i think this was the best summer break out of them all
y/ninsta: we keep bettering ourselves every single year
y/bffinsta: thank you for letting me tag along
y/ninsta: wdym he was obviously third wheeling us
user 12: i love the friendship between lewis, y/n and y/bff it is so wholesome
lewishamilton posted a story tagging y/ninsta
written: last beach day with y/n before back to work
y/ninsta posted a story
written: back at it
y/ninsta
liked by lewishamilton, carmenmundt, y/bffinsta and 560,982 others
written: forever the proudest girlfriend. last slide is me and y/bff hardly working while my boyfriend secures p2.
tagged lewishamilton and y/bffinsta
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lewishamilton: the luckiest of lucky charms
y/ninsta: that was all skill baby
y/bffinsta: we do our best
y/ninsta: that we do
carmenmundt: gonna miss you in the merc garage next week honey
user19: i'm new to the y/n fandom. how come she won't be there next week.
y/nfan: her father died on the 31st of august five years ago. she has a family tradition to go home and let go of balloons, so she is never at the race that week.
y/bffinsta posted a story
y/ninsta replied to your story: i didn't know you were going
y/bffinsta: yeah lew had a paddock ticket reserved and as you are busy he gave to me
y/ninsta: oh. have a good time, wish him good luck from me
y/ninsta
liked by alexandrasaintmleux, carmenmundt, max verstappen and 320,982 others
y/ninsta: oh dad, i have a love hate relationship with day. i love it because i get to sit down with everyone and talk about my favourite memories of you. but i hate it because it reminds me that you are really gone. i hope you are proud of me and the woman that i have become. i know you are looking down on us.
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carmenmundt: thinking of you darling
y/ninsta: thank you carmen
mercedesamgf1: we love you y/n
y/ninsta: i love you admin
alexandrasaintmleux: forever in my thoughts
user32: guys wtf is going on. every year y/n posts a similar thing and lewis and y/bff are always the first people to like and comment on it. this has been up all day and all the other wags have liked it and even max fucking verstappen has but not a peep from y/bff or lewis. something is going on.
user12: shit open twitter
f1updates
liked by user23, f1fan12, user22 and 120,987 others
f1updates: the internet is in shambles after pictures of lewis hamilton and y/bff were posted by papparazzi. y/bff is best friends with lewis' long term girlfriend y/n. y/n was not in italy this weekend as she was at home honoring her late father. admin doesn't tend to like to take sides but this is awful behaviour from lewis and y/bff and we hope that y/n is okay.
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user23: this is awful. y/n is grieving her father and her two favourite people betray her.
f1fan12: lewis hamilton i am in your walls
user22: there is no innocent explanation to this. this is cheating.
y/ninsta posted a close friends story
written: and they both blocked me with no explanation. like i'm in the wrong
alexandrasaintmleux replied to your story: where are you
y/ninsta: my childhood home
alexandrasaintmleux: i'm coming
#f1 x reader#f1#f1 fanfic#formula 1 smau#formula one smau#f1 smau#f1 fandom#f1 fic#lh44#lh44 x reader#lewis hamilton smau#lewis hamilton#sir lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton x you#max verstappen smau#max verstappen#max verstappen x reader#max verstappen x you#mv1#mv1 x reader#mv1 fic
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ctrl-alt-del | jjk (teaser)
summary⢠you graduated bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, but, to your extreme disappointment, your big girl job isn't turning out to be nearly as exciting as you thought it would be. still, you're holding out hope that your talents will soon be recognized and your coworkers will stop trying to include you in their gossip sessions. enter jungkook, the quiet IT guy who's gradually making your days more bearable. (and if you find him easy on the eyes, that's nobody's business but yours.) pairing⢠jungkook/reader teaser word count⢠1.4k genre⢠smut | humor | office!au warningsâ˘Â nothing too bad for this teaser! just a mention of oral
a/nâ˘this fic has literally been sitting in my wips for YEARS lmao. i feel like it's finally time to set it free đď¸â¨ it's looking like it's gonna lean more towards pwp, but there's definitely still enough plot in there to keep it interesting. not sure when it will be up, but wanted to share a snippet to get your thoughts and get myself excited to finish the last leg--fingers crossed for the next month or so đ¤đžđđžđ
When you graduated top of your class with a marketing degree and a job already lined up, you werenât big-headed to assume you would be given a lot in the beginning. No, you knew that you were the new kid on the block and needed to prove yourself first, needed to work your way up from the bottom. But what you definitely didnât anticipate was working up from thefigurative trenches, almost exclusively doing busyworkâconstantly making coffee runs, catering business lunches, printing out endless spreadsheets.
Eighty-thousand dollars in debt, and you are a glorified intern.
Youâre positively itching to hit the ground running and get your hands dirty, your job isnât too bad. The people there are all nice and welcoming, the complimentary coffee in the break room is decent enough for your dwindling bank account, and every couple of weeks, the company sponsors an employee barbecue were everyone can fraternize and enjoy free food.
âApparently it fosters unity and teamwork,â your coworker Joy informs you as you both stand in the food line. âSeokjinâthatâs our CEOâis really big on unity and teamwork.â
Joy is also a member of your marketing team. Though as sweet as can be, she has no filter, and thus always has a lot to say about everythingâwhich has helped you when it comes to learning the ropes about the company, but has also had you clutching your imaginary pearls in some situations where you found it inappropriate. Despite only being a year older than you, her title of Marketing Associate (instead of your measly Assistant)means that she technically outranks you, though she doesnât usually enforce that fact (unless there was something that needed to be copied or filed, of course). Still, she immediately took you under her wing when you first started, and she is the closest person to a friend you have at work (even though her daily coffee order is always so ridiculous, you are convinced that she has to be fucking with youâor at least engaging in some form of mild hazing.).
âI think itâs nice,â you reply. âIâll never say no to free food, and they let us out early and everything.â
âI mean, pretty sure you can get the hotdogs twelve in a pack at the dollar store,â Joy quips, raising her eyebrows at you pointedly. âBut sometimes the boys from Sales take their shirts off and play soccer, so thereâs that.â
Your eyes dart to said Sales boys against your will, gaze drawn to Jung Hoseok as he chats animatedly with his teammates by the tables. Youâve only spoken to him once or twice, but his fiery red hair and even brighter smile caught your attention immediately, your heart rate accelerating at the sight of him in hallways mere days into starting your new position. Who better to have a mild work crush on than a sweet-talking salesman who winks at you sometimes in passing?
An appreciative noise has you turning back around, embarrassed at being caught ogling how shapely Hoseokâs butt looks in his dress pants today, but itâs just Wendy from accounting, Joyâs best friend and thus a harmless, familiar face. Wendy has cut in front of a few editors to join you and Joy, and the way that she smiles at you lets you know sheâs up to no good. âHeâs cute, huh?â she asks, leaning towards you conspiratorially. âI would definitely give him the good olâ suck behind the dumpsters over there, if you catch my drift.â
âErrâŚyeah, I do,â you reply awkwardly. She had been explicitly clearâkeyword explicitâso there definitely isnât any room for misunderstandings. Is this truly appropriate work function conversation? From the way the editors behind you are politely clearing their throats, you think not.
âBehind the dumpster?â Joy asks curiously. âHeâs standing right next to some sturdy tables that I, for one, would take great advantage ofââ
âIâm gonna go get us some drinks,â you announce loudly, your neck heating up. âCan you grab me a hot dog, Joy?â
âSure,â she says dismissively, already distracted by her sudden debate with Wendy about the most convenient place to suck off salesman Jung.
The whole conversation is making you uncomfortable. You are not a prudeâfar from itâbut there is a time and place for everything, and your coworkersâ blasĂŠ attitude towards speaking about inappropriate topics at company functions on company time rattles you a bit. So instead of engaging in the risquĂŠ discussion further, you make your way to the cluster of brightly-colored coolers that presumably hold beverages, sidling up to the only other person lingering the area.
âAnything good?â you ask cordially, making your coworker, who had apparently been deep in thought while considering his beverage options, startle a bit.
Heâs tall, his large frame covered in the appropriate business casual attire of nice jeans and a powder-blue buttonup. When he turns his head to look at you, youâre met with large, dark eyes blinking in surprise from behind wire-rimmed glasses. Said eyes dart around for a moment before determining that you were, in fact, speaking to him.
The man clears his throat. âJust the usual,â he says, voice soft. Timid.
âThe usual?â you repeat. There are little hoops dangling from his earlobes, and you brush off your surprise at seeing them, returning your gaze to the coolers. Water, a clear soda, a cola. âThe basics, you mean. Well, canât really complain, right? Seeing as itâs all free. I think itâs really nice of them.â
Your companion seems surprised at your words. âIt is,â he agrees softly, eyes meeting yours for a second before dropping back down to the cooler. âUm, are you...are you new?â
âDamn, I guess my coverâs blown.â You shoot him a wry smile. âYeah, I just started a couple of weeks ago. What gave it away?â
âItâs justâno one else here really cares about these barbecues anymore,â he admits, looking at you, but not quite. More like, in your direction. âEveryone has forgotten to appreciate the little things.â
âNothing is a given,â you shrug. âSo you need to appreciate things when you can. And besides, those lots of little things can really add up without you realizing it.â
He finally seems to look at you properly, and the weight of his large, gentle brown eyes throws you off for a second. âThey can,â he agrees, lips slowly drifting up.Â
âWhat do we have over here?â a loud voice interrupts, a hand falling to your shoulder. You look up, and are met with the brightness of salesman Jung.
âAh,â Hoseok says with a wink, reaching into the cooler. âI love Sprite.â
âMe too,â you reply automatically, and then immediately want to smack yourself. Because you donâtâcarbonated beverages make you break out. But your mouth had formed the lie without your permission.
Embarrassed, you reach into the cooler, grabbing three water bottles. âSee you later,â you squeak, avoiding eye contact as you make your escape.
Joy and Wendy are already watching you when you return to where they have procured a table, and when you hand them their waters, Joy raises an eyebrow. âI was wondering how long you were going to talk to that IT guy.â
âYeah, and why did you leave when Hoseok showed up?â Wendy pouted. â_____, the universe is only going to give you so many opportunities. If you donât want the ball, then pass it to me! Goddamn.â
âIT guy?â you ask, hoping to slide past that last remark.
âYeah. His name is Jungkook, I think? Mostly works with the printers, started a couple months ago.â Joy shrugs, obviously disinterested by the topic. She reaches for the ketchup bottle in the center of the table and squirts some on her hot dog. âThis is the first time Iâve seen him at a barbecue, though. Honestly, Iâm surprised he even came out, because the IT dudes generally keep to themselves. The rarely leave their little tower,â she adds with a dismissive wave.
Wendy scoffs. âWho cares about Jeremy! Hurry up and eat, Iâm sure Sales is gonna start their soccer game soon.â
âSoccer game?â you ask.
âThe sales department likes to play soccer during these things,â Joy informs you. Her expression brightens. âHey, maybe Hoseok will take his shirt off again! Let us pray.â
To your coworkersâ disappointment, Hoseok did not take his shirt off. But they certainly had a good time watching him run back and forth across the grass.
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