#and then you end up reading about repressed homosexuality

[tenrose]

Time to read about lovecraftian viscous little mass being adopted by a scavenger living off stuff found on a massive giant bear in a dystopian city.

Yes that's how Jeff Vandermeer's book Borne has been sold to me.

I'm sure it's gonna be clear and concise like mister Vandermeer's works always seems to be 🤭

I'm sure I'm not gonna end up irrationally attached to the eldritch horror and have an existential crisis...

[susansontag]

my guide to lesbian anime both canonic and subtextual

(won��t include every lesbian anime ever, this is a personal list)

the canonic-gay section:

revolutionary girl utena

nothing before or since has ever done it like this. trigger warnings for everything imaginable. loads of homosexuals in this one. gender commentary, fairytale allusions, a lot of kids who are having a hard time growing up and moving beyond their pasts. sword lesbians.

flip flappers

the problematic favourite, in that there’s at least one uncomfortable sexualised shot each episode (roughly speaking; some have none and one has even more, unfortunately), so be warned. but at its heart flipflap is about repressed cocona going on adventures with outgoing and expressive papika, and their exploration of various fantastical lands/inner worlds of people they meet. hugely inventive and pretty, and a core thread is cocona discovering she’s gay.

aoi hana (‘sweet blue flowers’)

the comfort lesbian show, with not a romantic relationship at its heart, but a friendship between two childhood friends who meet again, both of whom are gay (though only one realises this during the show’s run, as it’s based on a manga). one of them dates an upperclassman at her school, and there’s various gay and bi side characters. it’s just very wholesome, lovingly animated, sweet and sometimes painful stuff.

bloom into you

I controversially do not care that much for bloom into you, but as the best, high-production, non-skeevy yuri show in years - that is based on a manga by a woman - it’s worth mentioning. late-bloomer girl dreams of romance, though has never felt it, and finds affinity with a girl who similarly is disinclined to date. that is, until said girl says she fancies her. genuinely moving exploration of developing gay identity at times, only downside is my personal disinterest in the black haired girl. some weird ‘heightened’ moments that feel inauthentic and titillating do arise, but it’s very few - to the point where some would disagree with me on my reading of it, I’d imagine.

sailor moon

the bits which the lesbians are in, etc. it’s a classic. I haven’t watched all of it myself because I don’t care much nor do I have nostalgia for sailor moon, but it’s one of the most notable examples of a butch/masc lesbian in anime, so that’s nice.

o maidens in your savage season

nerdy teenage girls who are part of a literature club make it their quest to discover sex and dating, in various ways (unfortunately, not all of them dealt with well… teacher/student foolery that is fortunately abandoned before it gets worse but is nonetheless handled with mixed results, imo). mostly though it’s hilarious, sweet, silly, and there’s a gay girl in it, but I won’t spoil which one. adults predating on children is also handled much, much better in another of the show’s storylines, and I do appreciate it for trying to tackle that difficult subject matter.

oniisama e (‘dear brother’)

an oldie, based off a shoujo manga by one of the greatest (riyoko ikeda). there’s a central relationship to root for (better articulated in the manga), but it’s mostly just what if we were messy depressed lesbians at an all-girls school and we were also melodramatic and mean as hell.

revue starlight

what if we were at an all-girls dramatic arts school and engaged in utena-like duels to become the top performer? main implicitly gay couple with canonic side gay couples. it’s quite cute. also worth watching if you like takarazuka in any way (prestigious all-female japanese theatre troupe), because the main conceit of the school is very much based on that idea.

the gay-themes section:

sound! euphonium (season one)

in which director naoko yamada’s awesome legacy of writing lesbians and then saying “who’s to say though, ha ha” continued (she did it already with a side character in tamako market). this one is known as the gaybait to end all gaybait, but hear me out: the first, and best, season, is not only a fantastic self-contained story with many great characters and plot points, but it’s main character is undoubtedly lesbian-coded and even has a love interest you can argue about. frankly I think she’s gay-coded throughout the whole show (even when she dates a guy for two minutes), but this feels very “I wanted to focus on this compelling relationship between two female characters but the adaptation’s success meant we had to revert back to the source material in later seasons”. what we got from this is perhaps my favourite lesbian anime of all-time, following utena.

a place further than the universe

this show is about four girls who join an expedition to antarctica, and what if I told you they’re all great, believable dorky teenage characters, and they exist in a well-written and thematically satisfying show… and there’s nice lesbian implication between one of our adult female protagonists and her old (deceased; not a spoiler) friend who was the main teen girl’s mother. there’s some sad here, obviously.

puella magi madoka magica

the well-known, much beloved deconstruction of the magical girl genre is also pretty gay, as it happens (so gay in fact it started a trend of gay-coded pink+black magical girls). it’s not a particular favourite of mine, but it’s visually one of the most notable anime productions ever, so it’s well worth seeing just for that.

NANA

the 2000s manga+show about the two twenty-year-olds who meet on a train and discover they’re both called nana is also pretty gay! to the point where there are heated fandom debates about nana komatsu’s (pink one) possibly being a lesbian. they both have many relationships with guys, but it’s their bond that forms the heart of the show, and the bisexuality (or, who knows, homosexuality) of the leads is pretty undeniable. to the point where you’ll get blasted on the nana subreddit if you try and suggest otherwise.

the wild-card section:

keep your hands off eizouken!

this is a show about three oddball girls who start a club to create anime, but have to pose as the film club instead for various reasons. it’s not even subtextually gay, I just personally think that all three of the leads are gay and the whole thing feels like a very female-centred creative endeavour. hugely fun watch, and very high production values. you wouldn’t regret seeing it.

skip & loafer

these two you see here are side characters. this show is actually about mitsumi, the greatest female protagonist of this kind of shoujo-esque slice of life show, who moves from the countryside to tokyo for high school. here she meets many a misfit, including the pretty blonde and the nerd girl who have undeniable chemistry and form one of the most popular pairings in the show. it’s just a good time.

chihayafuru

I’d get in trouble for this, because the primary romance factor in the show is a famed heterosexual love triangle with chihaya at its centre and her two male childhood friends at the side. but go with me on this. chihaya is oblivious to romance and feminine socialisation, she is obsessed with a card game and with her equally dorky dark-haired rival… she’s anime’s greatest autistic lesbian lead. and you get more than what you pay for, because the two boys I mentioned? a lot of gay stuff going on there too.

the big-screen-cinematic section:

the adolescence of utena

revolutionary girl returns in the sequel of a lifetime, slightly older (sixteen, say) and gayer than ever, to escape this place with the love of her life. cue the impromptu dance sequence (with stars and rose petals)!

liz and the blue bird

the naoko yamada directed gay cinematic universe continues with a gorgeous film starring two of the side characters from sound! euphonium’s second season (not necessary to watch beforehand). that means it has plausible deniability whilst being so crazily gay it’s almost some kind of joke. this is a highly detailed, laser-focused character study of two girls in their high school band club and their ever more strained relationship. yamada never misses.

the summer

this is korean! it’s about two girls who meet at school and start dating in secret, what happens as they grow up and move to seoul, and how their relationship changes and strains when met with the conservatism of contemporary korean society. it was sweet and like aoi hana above for japanese girls, felt pretty frank to the experiences I’d imagine young korean lesbians might have.

puella magi madoka magica: rebellion

if you’re a fan of the show, you probably don’t talk about this movie. sure, it’s a visual feat, sure, it’s insanely entertaining, but it’s also frustrating and upsetting and potentially undermines the neatness of the original as a perfectly-crafted story. BUT. kyouko/sayaka becomes all but canon in it, and everything else aside, that’s all that really matters. but you should definitely watch the show beforehand.

[charmwasjess]

It’s curious to me to see fans (and more importantly creators) talk about Jedi critical views as partly sourced from their own damaging experiences with religious institutions. I’ve been thinking a lot about this since The Acolyte, and asking myself why, as a person with a dump truck load of reeking religious trauma in my history, I have such good associations with the idea of the Jedi - specifically with them as a faith-based institution. 

Note: These are my reflections based on my experiences with my specific religious community in a time and a place. This is not an attack on faith groups more broadly, nor an argument people are wrong for not liking or liking the Jedi based on their own religious experiences. I’m just sharing about my life. 

My trauma, specifically, so be nice to me.

Until the age of 17, I was raised in a corrupt, fundamentalist evangelical institution which controlled every aspect of my development: church, my social life, and my education. When I say corrupt, I’m not throwing words around lightly. I mean leaders in my community ended up being prosecuted and my “school” got ultimately shut down. 

I’ve found it often easier to be funny about this period of my life, to tell sarcastic stories about the ridiculousness of my schooling: the weekly literal 9 hours of Bible classes, or later, my college friends needing to teach me basics so I wouldn’t fail rudimentary science courses because “the Bible was our science textbook” for my entire education. Easier to laugh than to acknowledge the fact that for most of my life, I was stuck in an abusive, evil cult that attempted to ingrain misogyny, xenophobia, and homophobia, and taught me lies about basic history and science.

During that time, the prequel films came out. I got into Star Wars, particularly the Jedi stories. Okay, I was obsessed, with a kind of frenzied desperation. I saw the Jedi Order as the antithesis of my own toxic community rather than a reflection of it. While I was living in a repressive, rule-based culture that sought to control every smallest detail of my life and my choices didn’t matter, I saw the Jedi Order as a route of imaginary escapism, partially because of the strong contrast between the depiction of Jedi faith and my own community.

I remember needing to read a few forbidden secular books (aka classic literature) for my senior year literature college prep course. (The AP test was used by colleges, not controlled by my school, so it had things on it I wasn't allowed to read.) I was only allowed access to Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment because a school board member had gone through every copy the school had and used a sharpie to mark out any word, or in fact, any idea that she found personally problematic to the faith. I read that book like a blackout poem. 

The difference between that kind of suppression and control, and Palpatine’s sneering implication of the Jedi Order keeping secrets, “It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you,” felt like night and day. 

Even the Jedi concept of chosen celibacy felt quite different from the enforced abstinence which would end only when my sexual autonomy would be turned over to a future husband for his use. Such depictions of chosen celibacy (and later, asexuality, though thankfully I was out of the community by the time they got ahold of that one) were condemned as a perversion of God’s intended purpose for the body, no different from the dreaded homosexuality or masturbation.

And let me tell you, contrary to sympathizing with a fictional depiction of a like-mindedly-restrictive faith group, the leaders in my church really hated the concept of the Jedi. Partially, this was part of a larger rejection of fantasy media - the decade of hyperpopular Harry Potter saturation and a growing perception among my religious authorities that normalizing magic and witchcraft and other gods, and engaging with such genre of fiction would offend the jealous real-life higher power we served. Those of you who knew me back then can go back to my old teen account and see me lowercasing the word to “force” lest I offend the one true God.

But I mean the theology of it, too. It’s hard to overstate how popular and culturally present the prequel trilogies were when I was growing up. I absolutely sat through sermons that critically referenced Star Wars as anti-Christian and documented the differences. I was preteen and teenager in this era - youth messages were targeted around media that my age group consumed. Star Wars was everywhere: on cereal covers, on pizza boxes, on the back of Pepsi cans. 

I think another thing that’s sometimes forgotten is how political the prequel trilogies were at the time. Attack of the Clones came out on the onset of the Iraq War and the Patriot act - Palpatine’s assumption of emergency powers in a time of orchestrated “crisis” felt deeply relevant and deliberate. My community was right-wing conservative, the evangelical base that would evolve into the Christofacist Trump alt-right. For that reason, it was also anathema.

I think most importantly, when my access to secular peers was entirely restricted, I was able to make friends online who also loved the Jedi Order. That was such a strong antidote for both the ignorance about the world that I was deliberately taught, and the teenage loneliness that my church-school institution weaponized. None of that has anything to do with the depictions of Jedi faith as restrictive or not, but it feels significant. It was the love of a story that brought me community, when the other story that might’ve brought me community came with a barbed wire fence around my personal autonomy and very identity.* 

I hope I don’t sound like I’m attacking people who DO have a gut reaction against the Jedi because of religious trauma. (Or indeed people who are Christian - obviously my community was an incredibly fucked up outlier.) Really, we’re the same people, dealing with the same issues in different ways. I’ve healed a lot since I was a miserable thirteen year old taking solace in my Star Wars books and fanfics, but there are still some religious-affiliated things I just need to avoid - I don’t enjoy documentaries about church cults ala Under the Banner of Heaven, or stories like The Handmaids Tale. I don’t judge anyone for taking a look at a series centering around a religious order and needing to nope out of that part. 

But I do wish Star Wars creators weren’t working through their own issues by using the Jedi Order as their avatar for all religious institutional evil, because to some of us, it was, and remains, a very healing space for exactly that kind of damage.

*Ironically, my cluelessness about what being queer actually meant really shielded me from a lot of the homophobia. I wasn’t one of those "evil gays"; I just, unrelatedly, wanted to fuck girls as well as guys.

[adnirod]

My first read for 2025 book bingo! I chose the "literary fiction" square to start, and read "Everything I Never Told You" (2014), Celeste Ng's debut novel. I'd never read anything of hers, so I was curious.

When I first picked it up, I was worried for a minute about whether it would count as "literary fiction", a mode that gets argued about a lot and carries class connotations with it, so I'm not always sure what it's supposed to include. But I went ahead, because I saw the "literary fiction" tag on various reviews and in the public library (along with things like "mystery").

But then I was reassured, and also cracked myself up, when I got into the story. Oh look, a repressed unhappy suburban family who absolutely cannot communicate, with a dad who's a professor who sleeps with one of his own pretty female students, and someone dies, and there is closeted homosexuality. Literary fiction bingo! It's even set in the 1970s--like, welcome back to "The Ice Storm".

Nothing wrong with heaps of common tropes, of course--hell, I love lots of tropes, I write & read fanfic. :D It's just funny how snobby some advocates of Literary Fiction can get, when it can be just as predictable as any other mode (in good ways and bad). And this is an enjoyable book, despite how much I may sprain my eyes at professor-student adultery-to-comfort-his-own-angst blegh (not a moral thing, I'm probably just at Bitch Eating Crackers level with its use in fiction, so I end up falling out of the story too much).

It's a good read in general, flew by, and juggles POVs and various pieces of information in interesting ways (who thinks what, who means what, who misinterprets what, who knows or doesn't know what) that kept me involved.

The issue of race, Chinese-American specificity, plus being set in a mixed-race family in a very white milieu, that's all very particular and interesting, as is the intersectional way it includes the issue of being a woman in male-dominated spaces and cultures (and resisting or not resisting certain modes of culturally-defined womanhood within socially feminized spaces too). It grounds those situations so well through character, the details of daily life, all of that. And as someone who was a child in the 1970s, the historical 70s-ness usually felt pretty spot-on.

I appreciated the tiny future glimpses at the very end, a comforting way to wrap up what had been a pretty sad story. It did make me wonder if that one line about touching the bump on Jack's nose is supposed to indicate eventual requiting! It would need to be unpacked, and actually struck me as a good basis for fanfic--so I went and looked, and of course there are like thirty-something Jack/Nath stories. :D

Anyway, I'm glad I read it, and appreciate the bingo square giving me the push. Thanks, @batmanisagatewaydrug !

[elizabeth-mitchells]

AAAAND I'M DONE WATCHING LOST! 🛩️🫶

here are some thoughts about the finale:

JULIET!!!! FINALLY!!!!! MY DEAD WIFE IS BACK!!!!!

i literally cheered when she showed up on the screen

kate shooting john was so hot. she should've done a lot more of that a lot more often

Juliet certified milf she's a mom now <3

Shannon!!!! Shannon is here!!!! babygirl!!!!!

JULIET IN THAT DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the height difference between juliet and claire has what it takes to drive me completely and absolutely insane. i need more of these two together immediately

no mention of Juliet's life and sister or anything else about her in the flash sideways universe? :( rude. i think her kid has her eyes though. and ngl i do want to know more about the relationship between her and her fake son

Kate and Claire soulmates in every universe confirmed!!!! Kate is always the father of her baby!!!! she came back to the island for her and she got her memories back with her!!!!

i got so excited about that ^ that i literally had to stop the show to explain to my dad how important it was that it was established that Kate came back to the island for Claire (not for Jack or Sawyer) and that she got her memories back with Claire (not with Jack). idc if i looked insane or gay

being a weird magical entity protector of a weird magical island is a thankless job what do you mean neither of them was immortal tf

jack and john getting their memories back with each other was kinda gay, good for them

jin going :) !!! when he saw sawyer was too funny

MAYBE YOU SHOULD READ THE MACHINE ITS RIGHTS

juliet baby i missed you so much!!! she's still a little shit with an angelical smile!!!!

must be soooo weird to remember exactly how you died wow

did jack and juliet spend years together, got married, had a kid, and never once remembered anything together? talk about being a repressed homosexual huh

kate and claire seriously best couple in the show btw

didn't hugo say just on the last episode he was glad he didn't have jacob's job? i'm not sure how good this is

didn't widmore say he put more explosives on that plane? but anyway i'm sooooo glad the plane got to leave <3 yay <3

libby was there :)

i wish ana lucia and charlotte had been there :(

penny was there :)

i'm suing them because i didn't get a hug between kate and juliet at the end >:(

literally not upset in the slightest about all of them being dead like. what did you expect? most of them were already dead? they had to die eventually?

if anything i'm glad the flash sideways stuff wasn't entirely real bc i would've been more upset if the stuff on the island got erased or if that had been a dream

(or did i get it all wrong? lmao)

overall pretty happy with the whole thing! surprisingly not upset at the ending? sure i didn't understand some stuff, i didn't like some stuff, but it was much much better than expected!! plus, i have my priorities, and my girls were always great <33

[rainbowsky]

GG and DD and queer representation

As some of you might be aware, Greece has finally legalized same sex marriage. This was very exciting news!

I had an ask related to the Greek marriage equality debate and had begun drafting a response but ended up getting sidetracked, and by the time I got back to this post marriage equality had already won.

I figured I'd finish this response because it covers some ground that newer turtles might find useful (and because I hate leaving things like this unfinished).

@rozanthi asked: Πιστεύετε πως οι χελώνες βοηθούν η δυσκολεύουν τους ggdd στην σημερινή πραγματικότητα;

Hi rozanthi!

Here's the rest of the ask(s) rozanthi sent.

rozanthi asked: Sorry l put my question in English and not in Greek by mistake. Do you thing that turtles benefit or harm ggdd in today's sircumstansies, reality. I apologize if in someway l offended you with my question about turtles and ggdd. Maybe that is the reason why you didn't answer. But you see, in my country(Greece) these few last months, a debate is going on in our parliament about voting to make political marriage between people of the same gentre legal. There has been a lot of fight and tension from our church and people with no manners or Shane minds. I asked you that question because l support ggdd as a couple in a relationship as barriors of a message as pioneers of something important for China to accept. And l wanted to know how much public support in the form of turtles help them along or make it more difficult. Here as more we support homo. homosexuality we bring thanter and more hate. In February we will know if we made a baby's step in out parliament. Support your ggdd in any way you see tat you really help them and not making it worse on them. They need support Ln the most gentle delicate way. Thank you for baring me.

First of all, it's OK to send me an ask in another language. Don't apologize for feeling better able to express yourself in your first language. I can always machine translate and ask for clarification when I feel I'm missing something (and the asker can clarify if I get anything wrong). Although I think you've done an adequate job of communicating your question here in English.

Second, as I've said many times, people should never read anything into whether I answer their ask or not. It's almost always just a result of me picking easier/quicker questions to answer.

Now, to address the ask.

Your question reflects some misconceptions/misunderstandings about GGDD's situation and about what turtles represent. Some of the topics you're discussing here are not directly related, and I'm going to try to break them down into their component parts for you.

The first and most important thing I can say to you is (and this is really, really key to understanding GGDD and understanding what turtles are in China):

GG and DD are not representatives of the queer community, and turtles are not a political movement.

Quite the contrary. I think it's fair and accurate to say that GG and DD, and by extension turtles, actively take steps to avoid being seen as part of a political movement, queer movement, protest movement or human rights movement.

(In fact, unfortunately many turtles are actually not particularly LGBTQ-friendly, don't support queer rights or gay marriage, and don't even consider GG and DD to be gay/queer. Many believe GG and DD are only 'gay' for each other, which is homophobic and a reflection of poor sex education).

It's essential for their own safety that GG and DD are not seen as political movement in China, or as figureheads of the queer rights movement. The Chinese government and even a sizable percentage of the public at large tend to take a very dim view of anyone who tries to organize and rally around subversive political causes.

Especially the current government, which is very repressive and has been rolling back LGBTQ rights and freedoms and cracking down on queer orgs, shutting down LGBTQ outreach organizations, etc. Pride events and large public gatherings are treated as disruptive protest movements, and have been banned.

There are queer male turtles in China who actively avoid openly identifying as turtles in order to protect the fandom from being seen as a queer rights movement.

Turtles are a fandom and are categorized and treated that way both by turtles and by passersby. Just a fandom of 'cute young girls' clowning over some handsome boys they ship together.

It's important that it stays that way. GG and DD cannot be seen as leading a movement, they cannot take on the role of leading a movement, and many turtles would likely not even support such a movement.

That's not because GGDD are queer, by the way - although under the current government queerness is becoming in some ways more restricted and frowned upon at least from an official perspective - it's because political movements are frowned upon*.

*That's not to say that Chinese people don't organize or protest around certain causes, but those causes tend to be more municipal or limited in scope. Broader political movements - especially ones that appear to stand against the policies of the current regime - are generally very quickly quashed.

That's also not to say that GG and DD aren't hugely inspiring to queer people all over the world, because they are.

GG and DD do not even present themselves as queer.

This is important to keep in mind. GG and DD are closeted, and are assumed by the public at large to be straight single men. 'Eligible bachelors'. This is a double-edged sword, but ultimately it protects them and protects their careers. Top stars are a lot more marketable if there's a perception of romantic availability, and relationships - even relationship rumors - can have a massively negative impact on a star's career.

Even straight married stars hide their relationship status and present themselves as single for this same reason, and straight married celebrity couples - even ones who are out as being married - who attend industry events will often pretend not to know each other in public (sound familiar?).

Coming out as (or being outed as) married or in a relationship is viewed as career suicide, and a star's numbers, opportunities and popularity will plummet. Not always, but usually. Producers and backers know what sells, and married stars just don't sell as much as hot singles do. Fans will pursue stars that appear to be single, and drop them when they marry or come out with a relationship.

Heteronormativity means the vast majority of people in China will assume GG and DD are straight, and GG and DD will not 'correct' them on that. Quite the opposite, they go along with and even at times might say or do things that help feed the perception that they're straight.

There are almost no LGBTQ public figures in China, and those who are out are not top stars.

As international fans, what we do and think doesn't matter much.

Things that happen in the international fandom are largely irrelevant to people in China, and are almost never going to have any impact whatsoever on GG and DD. What we think about them and what they represent to us is of little consequence to their careers.

For example, the ongoing i-fan debate about colored light banners is a bit of a wank because nobody in the international fandom is ever likely to be at an event where we would have to make decisions about what color of light banner to bring. Our thoughts about colored light banners are utterly irrelevant to the fandom in China.

It's really easy to lose sight of that as an international fan, and get so caught up in and wrapped up in our own ideas and arguments and debates that we forget that nothing we say do or think really has any relevance to GGDD's lives.

Our support for their projects and merchandise and brands, our subscriptions to platforms to view their dramas, our movie tickets, our fan support when they travel internationally... these things do have an impact on them and do matter, but the opinions and political ideas that we might discuss and debate here on Tumblr or even on Twitter are highly unlikely to ever reach their circle or directly impact them, whether positive or negative.

There are some notable exceptions to this. Making candy out of nationalistic posts - particularly posts about events of national mourning or major political significance - is unwise and could potentially backlash on them. More about that in this series of posts from Pie.

I talked about some of the other harmful things we should be avoiding in this post.

But the idea that anything international fans might do or say as turtles might negatively impact GG and DD is - for the most part - not a reflection of reality.

There are valid reasons to believe GG and DD value turtles and take strength from our support.

This fandom has been around for 6 years, and in all that time GG and DD have never sought to shut it down. Other dating rumors, CP, etc. have been shut down over the years, but turtles continue to be the top CP in China and the fandom is constantly growing.

GG and DD have been caught on camera many times reacting positively to turtle light banners.

LRLG rumors - which many turtles believe hold a lot of credibility - have repeatedly depicted GG and DD as enjoying our support, and have at times directly expressed GG and DD's appreciation and gratitude to turtles for our support.

Despite the fact that this fandom is hugely controversial among GG and DD's solo fans and even among some passersby, GG and DD and some of their associates continue to regularly feed us candy. This is something that simply would not happen if we didn't have GG and DD's support.

If we believe BJYXSZD, then it only follows that turtles would mean a lot to GG and DD.

There is a fine balancing act between GGDD and turtles, where we show our support and they feed us, and we all try to keep things light and fly somewhat under the radar.

But turtles aren't 'under the radar at all'. Turtles are an incredibly active, vibrant, loud fandom in China, with big events and public charity work and fan activities and banners and billboards, etc. etc. However, they manage to fly under the radar because they're 'just fans'. They're not a political movement and they're not troublemakers. They're just a bunch of fans having fun together.

They also fly under the radar by being seen as a crazy fringe group, a bunch of deluded clowns. They are underestimated and dismissed because of this, which protects GG and DD.

A lot of turtles wear that proudly because they know that they're acting as a shield for GG and DD. Turtles make it possible for GG and DD to get public support for their relationship without having their relationship outed. Turtles take all the hate and ridicule that's piled on them, so that they can show GG and DD they're loved and supported.

This is one of the things about turtles that is most beautiful and powerful. Turtles stick their necks out every day to support and protect GG and DD.

I talked about that in more detail in this post.

I hope this helps give some context about queer issues as they relate to GG and DD, and to the turtle fandom as a whole. While many people inside and outside China support GGDD and are inspired by them and view them as queer icons, the way they are framed and discussed will differ wildly between the Chinese and international fandoms, and what is said outside of China won't have much of an impact on GGDD. That's for the best.

For my thoughts on the politics of all this, please see this post.

[brokenbecquerel]

Do you think ted bundy is bisexual ? some article say he had homosexual tendencies.

great question. this is all gonna be my opinion and analysis based on anecdotes and conjecture. information about this is super sparse i've found.

first thing i would say is that there is no way Ted would've ever considered Himself anything but straight. the Man is repressed beyond belief sexually, and i don't think He could ever even begin to accept His homosexual urges, if He did have them. i personally kind of think the label "heteroflexible" fits Ted well. in terms of actual, real relationships, Ted was most certainly not shallow and cared much more about personality over appearance. i believe that could easily extend even to someone's gender or sex. you learn pretty quickly studying Ted that He is desperate beyond belief to be loved, and i think in that desperation He could overlook basically any caveats He might otherwise have with a person.

i think without either of Them realizing, Ted was on some level romantically infatuated with the fbi agent and His bff bill hagmaier, probably unrequited. nothing to back that up but vibes and the fact that a lot of people around them especially at the end of Ted's life thought They were almost weirdly close and affectionate with each other.

Ted generally expressed disdain for men as a group and as individuals, almost never making close male friends in His life. He also outright stated quite a few times that women were better than men. i interpret this misandry as a deep-seated fear of men generally, probably stemming from His childhood. if He ever did realize His feelings for men, i don't think He would've ever tried to consummate them unless He was extremely intoxicated perhaps, with His inhibitions stripped. Ted longed for an entirely passive sexual partner with no autonomy and no ability to leave Him, someone completely in His control, hence why He preyed on small young women who were easier to overpower and kill than the average man.

as for His opinions on homosexuality, there are some sparse anecdotes that Ted had positive feelings towards queer people. He had as far i've seen entirely progressive social politics regarding race, gender/sex, war, guns, abortion, etc. so i think it would follow easily that Ted was not at all opposed to queer folks.

there are some anecdotes i've read over the years of people assuming Ted was gay upon first meeting Him. one witness at lake sam said He had a "faggy" voice iirc in their statement. Ted did go to gay bars on a few occasions, seemingly mostly for entertainment, not looking for anything for Himself. multiple detectives were confused about Ted's sexuality especially when He was first caught in utah, and asked people who knew Him if He leaned a certain way. there's also uh this which is part of a detective's research on Him iirc (take this with a crunchy little grain of salt):

and then there is also an anecdote where Ted told this particular lawyer of His that He killed another boy His age when He was about 12 in the woods after having sex with each other. He only told that story to one person though and He was sobbing on the floor telling it so who fucking knows. anyway i hope this is. thorough enough. i'm probably forgetting so much shit, but i love this question.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Would the real Dr McKay please stand up?

While this is a record of John Sheppard's bisexuality, let's start from the beginning.

Rodney McKay was introduced in the main series, Stargate SG-1. In it, he is presented as a sexist and abrasive character who is later revealed to harbour a hurt little boy within. He claims to have a predilection for "dumb blondes", which is to say, beautiful and brilliant women way out of his league.

He aggressively, blatantly hits on Samantha Carter. In fact, his behaviour is so over-the-top that one has to wonder whether it is (consciously or subconsciously) designed for failure. Hitting on women you know will turn you down, in a way that will inevitably lead to them turning you down, both protects one's ego and keeps one from winding up in an actual relationship with an actual human being.

That is, for reasons of inadequacy, poor self-esteem, repressed homosexuality, pick your poison, he a) approaches only women he knows he can't get, b) approaches them in a sleazy over-the-top way that will inevitably lead to him being turned down and c) he does all of this extremely publicly, not hiding and in fact encouraging his reputation was a womanizer. A+, very heterosexual.

Only, this is lampshaded in the two-part 8th season finale of SG-1, Moebius.

In the episode we are once more presented with an alternative reality. This is a divergence from our reality whose main difference is that the stargate was never found at Giza. In the episode, we follow Samantha Carter and Daniel Jackson who are essentially themselves but whose lives took different courses. That is, their characters were not changed, only their circumstances. And it follows that the same is true for all the other characters.

In this reality, Dr. Rodney McKay is the lead scientist at Cheyenne Mountain. The fact that he is similar to the Rodney in our reality is lampshaded later in the second part of the episode where McKay tells Gen. Hammond: "It's a ship that goes through the Gate -- it's a Gateship!"

This parallels his words in Rising (S01E01) where he says the same thing to Dr. Weir, defending his naming of the shuttle as Gateship: "It's a ship; it goes through the Gate, I, I… Fine -- Puddle Jumper, you are clear for launch."

We are meant to understand that this is the same Rodney, only that circumstances have altered the course of his life.

Why is this important?

His introduction in the episode is curious.

At the end of Moebius, we are shown a rare kiss between Carter and O'Neill who never get to consummate their unresolved sexual tension in the main text of the show. The kiss was preceded by Carter lying to O'Neill about his attraction to Daniel Jackson instead of O'Neill. Earlier on, O'Neill had wondered whether Carter and Jackson were in fact a couple -- which they both vehemently denied. Before their kiss, O'Neill tells Carter: "It's just, you know… first impressions, I kinda thought he was… Never mind."

He waves his hand in the universal sign for "bent".

Jack O'Neill thought that Daniel Jackson was, upon first impression, a gay man. Even though he met him along with an attractive woman, the first impression one got from Daniel Jackson was that he was a gay man. This has nothing to do with what Daniel's orientation is or was, in this reality or the other, just that in this one he gave off the vibe that he was gay. At least on initial meeting, an impression that might later be rectified, Daniel Jackson came off as a gay man.

So why does this matter?

When we first meet Dr. Rodney McKay, it is also the first time he meets Daniel Jackson. He gets, that is, a first impression of Daniel. Rodney barges in with the very suggestive: "Don't touch anything, please! Leave the touching to the experts."

McKay looks at Daniel from top to bottom, openly checking him out, gaze lingering on Daniel's dick. After this, he looks at Major Davis. To confirm the reading of his gaydar? To check whether the major noticed him checking the guy out? Acknowledging the hot officer in his personal space? Who can tell!

Turning his attention to Sam, McKay subsequently completely ignores Jackson to the point of rudeness.

Note that Major Davis is, in this reality, sporting the gayest moustache that ever moustached. He is ripped straight out of a Village People album cover. If we are meant to think that Daniel in this reality comes across as gay, what are we supposed to think regarding the man with the gayest moustache this side of Tom of Finland?

After McKay checks out Daniel, whose first impression is that he is a gay man, Rodney quickly glances at major Davis and then his entire demeanor changes. He is very curt towards the major. They continue their exchange, Rodney antagonistic toward Jackson and now aggressively hitting on Sam, even going so far as to obviously and crassly grab her ass:

McKay: I'm sorry -- what are your areas of expertise? Carter: Astrophysics. Jackson: Archaeology. McKay: And I would listen to you because…? Carter: We're on the tape. McKay: Now you -- you I would listen to if you were reading the phone book. You see, I love this whole sexy librarian thing. Look, why don't I take you to lunch, get you up to speed.

On his initial meeting with Daniel Jackson, the man who comes off as gay, Dr. Rodney McKay reflexively checks him out and then starts immediately performing the most odious kind of heteronormative masculinity

We get another lampshade in his line to Carter: "I hear it's lemon chicken today -- it's my favourite, hmm?" This Rodney claims openly to like Lemon chicken which he is allergic to in our reality. There is something else he is performing here that he is allergic to in our reality: his preference for chicks.

In the Pegasus galaxy, McKay is either completely oblivious to the advances of women ("You don't know what to do?"), engages in performative over-the-top womanizing ("I disgust myself sometimes"), or uses women to perform masculinity and to make himself seem more desirable to other men ("They think I'm a shut-in. So I was thinking that if I was to, say, show up with a woman -- a beautiful woman -- that they would maybe not think that I was like, a complete loser"). He expresses jealousy when other men receive attention from beautiful women while seeming to have no interest whatsoever in these women themselves. Hot women are objects to him, he barely sees them as people (literally, in The Game).

This is textbook. This is a closet so deep in Narnia the audience gets second-hand frost bite.

Note that while in Moebius we are shown a superficial difference between this Rodney and our Rodney with regards to lemon, later on we are shown that they are essentially the same. The Rodney McKay of this reality is the epitome of a closeted gay man performing over-the-top heterosexuality in a military environment where, although as a Canadian civilian contractor he is not himself in jeopardy, he has to protect the identities of gay soldiers, like major Davis, whose careers are on the line.

Oblivious or not, Rodney McKay does not like women. He does not respect them, sees little use for them, can barely tolerate to have them around. This much seems to be true of him in every reality.

[thecomet-and-themeteor]

Cedric the Sorcerer for character opinion bingo!

I've only rewatched the first 22 episodes of the first season so far

What if I told you that the reason I'm on this Sofia the First but specifically Cedric the Sorcerer reblog spree is because I've been hyperfixating on Descendants and have an OC that's the son of Hans and ended up reading the novelization of the first Frozen movie to learn more about Hans, almost immediately decided that he needs to be redeemed and worked that into my Descendants version of him, only to realize I want a love interest for him, and since me and my friend @wonderlandandotherplaces thought it'd be funny if he was a wildly repressed homosexual, I started looking for pre-existing characters obviously that makes it even funnier, and ultimately decided Cedric would be the best option after quickly skimming through the Disney fandom wiki on him, and now I'm rewatching Sofia the First in order to learn more about his character, first-hand.

Tl;dr: I'm here because I have unironically started shipping Cedric with Hans of the Southern Isles from Frozen.

[kylo-wrecked]

𝕊𝔼𝕏, 𝔾𝔼ℕ𝔻𝔼ℝ, & 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼 ℍ𝔼𝔸𝔻ℂ𝔸ℕ𝕆ℕ𝕊

Note from original creator of meme, and key this is for lgbtqia+ muses if your muse is cishet this isn’t the dash game for you it was created by a queer mun for queer muses. bold: always, italic: situational, strikethrough: never.

♡ GENDER IDENTITY: cisgender (man) / intersex / gender-nonconforming / transmasc / transfemme / transman / transwoman / nonbinary / gender-fluid / genderqueer / agender / demi-girl / demi-boy / bigender / pangender / omnigender / two-spirit

♡ SEXUALITY: queer / gay / lesbian / bisexual / pansexual / omnisexual / asexual / androsexual / demisexual / fluid / non-labelled / graysexual / gynesexual / homosexual / monosexual / polysexual

Each version of this muse is still figuring things out. Some try harder than others. Observe—

*summons a list with a snap like fucking mary poppins ✨*

Modern!Ben: horrified by his attraction to men/does not explore/interrogate this sense of attraction/horror.

Music!Ben: more certain in his sexuality but weirdly hard on cis women due to some unconscious, repressed attachment to mom.

Ex-Con!Ben: could be demi. sadly, doesn't identify with any label he hasn't already been given on legal papers.

Smuggler!Ben: not human/near-human discriminate~

Murder!Kylo: never thinks about it.

Ren: are you powerful? Do you have the ability to make him suffer the ending of one thousand galaxies? Can you pull his crushed soul through... oh, that's too bad. *swipes left*

♡ DATING PREFERENCES: monogamous / ethically nonmonogamous / monogamish / relationship anarchy / open relationships / polyamorous / doesn’t date / dates casually

Ren is Ren.

Ex-Con!Ben and Modern!Ben are strictly monogamous.

Music!Ben could be closeted poly, but he doesn't want to put the honest emotional effort into maintaining multiple authentic relationships, doesn't love one partner to know about another, doesn't like the idea of hierarchy, amatonormativity, etc. So, la-di-da.

♡ ATTACHMENT STYLE: secure / anxious-preoccupied / dismissive-avoidant / fearful-avoidant

♡ SEXUAL INCLINATIONS: sex favourable / sex adverse (particularly Ren/Ex-Con!Ben) / sex indifferent / hypersexual / sex-repulsed / bottom / top / versatile / vers bottom / vers top / service top / power bottom / stone top / pillow princess / submissive / dominant / switch / brat / baby girl/boy / soft dom / pleasure dom / caregiver

Ren: soft violence, the erotica of pulling molecules apart- you're not dead now; you're different. <333

♡ LOVE LANGUAGES: words of affirmation / quality time / acts of service / receiving gifts / physical touch / activity / appreciation / emotional / financial / intellectual / practical

Murder!Kylo: are you going to help me complete my Project or not? :/

♡ PHYSICAL ACTS OF INTIMACY: holding hands / kissing / cuddling / massages / bathing together / washing partner’s hair / skin on skin contact / forehead kisses / playing under the table (e.g. hand on thigh, footsy etc) / playing with partner’s hair / playful tickling / seeking them out in bed to hold / eye contact / reading to your partner / being read to / napping together / couch cuddles while doing separate activities (head in lap etc)

No shower/fresher sex with short people.

♡ KINKS & TURN ONS: dirty talk / quiet in bed / loud in bed / having hands pinned / pinning partners hands / having hair pulled / pulling partners hair / being watched / watching their partner / voyeurism / receiving oral sex / giving oral sex / receiving penetration / giving penetration / praise kink (he could not handle this) / biting / marking up your partner / being marked up / impact play / edge play / teasing / being teased / using toys on partner / having toys used on them / choking / being choked / being restrained (good luck) / restraining their partner / shibari / breeding kink / worshiping their partner / being worshiped / humiliating / being humiliated / degrading / being degraded /pegging / being pegged / frotting / face sitting / dom/sub dynamics / DDLG dynamics / aftercare / anal / bdsm / light bondage / outdoor sex / sensory deprivation / roleplay / rough sex / threesomes / wax play / sensory play (eg. pinwheels etc) / knife play / blood play / caging / cbt / sounding / collars / exhibitionism / rimming / fisting / pet play / dressing up for partner / partner dressing up for them / daddy kink / mommy kink / master/slave dynamics

Ren: inducting [partner] into the Knights of Ren. big turn on.

*Ex-Con!Ben's sexual experience is quite limited. Also, do not degrade him. He's not comfortable with blood play either.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

tagged by:// last sinday leveling a revolver at my brain

tagging:// *sets revolver on table* take it or leave it

[spooky-something]

What allegories (alcoholism, classism, social pressure/repression etc) do you prefer reading into The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde and what are your personal headcanons?

MAJOR SPOILERS TO ANYONE WHO HAS YET TO READ THE NOVELLA (Even though it's old as hell 💀💔)

When reading it, initially, definitely got a LOT of strong allegories for drug/substance use/abuse, which was definitely something fascinating, as we've seen it happen around us a lot of our life, and based on what we know, it really did fit a lot on how Jekyll acted during the story

However, the take of it being about things such as being transgender/homosexual, or social norms, or even the stigma on how neurotypical allistic people perceive neurodivergent (this is including everything besides ADHD, too, as I think people tend to forget any mental illness is part of neurodivergence, and not just ADHD) autistic people as "bad" or "savage" or all of these ableist stereotypes is a fascinating take we adore too, as it resonates with us a lot harder than substance use and addiction

Yet, I do truly believe the strongest and most accurate of the themes in the novella are in fact the ones referencing the aforementioned substance use/addiction/abuse, solely for the fact that Jekyll is able to recognize that this would be something he can control (unlike the other things we've mentioned) had he not began this, and that this thing he'd placed upon himself had actually caused severe damaged to all around him (not to mention himself)

Yet, since it snow balled so far that he has, essentially lost all control, it results, in the end, with him commiting suicide via overdose in hopes of preventing more damage (this could also be seen as him desperately needing a high that he ends up killing himself, although, that would be far different from what the text actually says)

To us, it just makes more sense this is the message than the other ones, though they're all fascinating takes

As for headcanons, I personally headcanon Jekyll as Aroace spec and gay, Hyde as Aroace entirely, Utterson as gay, and Lanyon and Poole as either either token straights or bisexuals

Honestly, kinda forgot the rest of the cast 💀

One thing that we don't really consider a headcanon, since it's not the message of the text at all, though something we just like, because it gives us comfort and a fraction of representation we don't have, is that Jekyll/Hyde are part of an OSDD-1B sys, and that the drug never really did anything, besides trigger out Hyde (and allow alternation of his body), who'd been there the entire time, and Jekyll just had no idea, because he had no memory of any sort of vivid trauma (courtesy of Hyde)

Also like to think Hyde isn't evil, because let's be honest... And old man and a young girl??? Those are like... The two most annoying types of people to deal with... Probably deserved it, dude /sat

I'd stamp them near or to death, too, dude... /J

But, yeah, would never truly say that they ARE an OSDD-1B system, since it's just not canon, but in my personal AU or whatever you wanna call it, they're a good representation system

Oh, also, Hyde is definitely a cry baby, that dude cries himself to sleep after losing anything ever, or dealing with the slightest insult, dude has a GLASS ego...

Some could even say that of a scientist's... /J /ref

[boilbluedenim]

Mac and Dennis's relationship after season 12 is so insanely subtextually homosexual. more so dennis repressing his homosexuality because, once again, dennis is scared of monogamous relationships. he literally got divorced like a day after he got married and the reason he's so uncomfortable now that mac is out is because he's been with him for SO LONG and he's confused as to why he's been with him for so long. He realizes that mac being out infringes on their sort of ‘weird’ friendship. Dennis knows that when hes with mac he's himself, and that makes him uncomfortable because he cant justify it normally. A lot of people say "well dennis hates mac" and i genuinely understand why people think that but also their minds are too feeble to grasp the concept of subtext. dennis knowing that mac is sexually attracted to men and just HIM IN GENERAL and still not exploiting him is so telling for example in season 14 ‘the gang chokes’ 14/4. The whole episode is centered around frank choking in a restaurant. the subplot(s) of TGchokes is number 1 dennis and mac being extremely one sided (mac asking dennis for approval constantly and dennis being uncomfortable with being heavily depended on.) and dee just basically almost killing herself multiple times. The episode sort of leaves you with this conclusion that's.... not exactly resolving the underlying issues that the gang is currently facing, which tbh is common but basically at the end mac comes up with this plan to save frank from dying to win dennis back. dee ends up drinking a lethal powder and at the end there's a back and forth between mac and dennis where mac says something along the lines of "Ok i'm going to listen to myself now and not depend on you, Dennis." and Dennis is like "what!!!l! please save dee with the EpiPen" and mac refuses. The ending with Mac agreeing to stop being such a suck up to Dennis isn't resolving anything in their relationship. 

If anything the symbolism in TGescapes is insane.  they are left with a heart lock and charlie and frank have the heart key setting up this funny split up dumb-and-dumber group dynamic and maybe i'm reading too far into this but this whole episode shows how mac is sort of over sucking up to dennis but at the same time praises him calling him the "obvious choice for a group leader" AND KEEP IN MIND. mac has always praised and depended on dennis it's only after season 13 that dennis is outwardly uncomfortable and i really need them to have a talk about him being scared that mac is only with him for sex because it's SO CLEAR that that's how he feels. He feels idolized for a bad reason because his lifelong friend finally came out, and now he's scared that he's winning him back only to sleep with him and then leave him. Dennis is so vain but he actually just wants to be loved. Dennis cares SO MUCH, he literally just cant show it.

[toxifoxx]

how would you describe william’s aesthetic?

before freddy’s, what were his interests as a kid (besides rabbits and robots obviously /silly)

did anyone find out he was trans without his knowledge? how did it impact his influence on others? maybe the kids’ perception of their father??

what are the ways does he stim? is he like a rabbit in terms of his mannerisms?

how likely is it that i could yap with him about rabbits? /silly

what kind of music does he like (do you have a playlist,,)?

what nicknames does he have for his kids (direct to each one && referring to them all)?

uhm umm … blinks . that’s all i got in me :3c

uhmmm good question! i've recieved one like this before actually and the answer was kind of uhhh i dont know. i know about four different aesthetics and none of them are particularly similar to what william has going on. and it also depends if you mean clothes-wise or… decor-wise? whatever 'deeply repressed homosexual father who used to be a theatre kid' looks like

i suppose drawing and reading! he loved sci-fi books in particular, which eventually end up being the reason why the sister location Looks Like That. and he likes drawing but never particularly becomes a professional at it, even into adulthood.

next questions got long so readmore

i think william tried to present himself as a boy in school but most kids caught onto the fact he was trans, adding another thing onto the pile of reasons to bully him for. perhaps its the reason why he had a violent outburst, leading to his parents also finding out he's trans through the school informing them. through college, most people aren't aware he's trans because he plays it off so well. even the people he's sleeping with (he insists the lights be off, and usually both him and his partner are drunk). i kinda imagine it like that one dude who had like multiple wives and they all didn't realize he was trans (i forgor his name :[…(NEVERMIND I FOUND IT IT WAS BILLY TIPTON)). as for his kids it seems likely they might find out. lizzie might have been too young to remember william being pregnant with evan and evan wouldn't have ever seen him as such, so most likely only michael knows. and he was probably taught that it was a normal, unremarkable thing that he should not bother to tell anyone about. another notable case would be medical staff with william giving birth + the springlock injury. i think clara and henry were very set on keeping things quiet there and ensured it didn't get out. actually sorry i went off the rails a bit i just realized this says wqithout his knowledge Ermmm just ignore the stuff he'd know about

YES. he does have rabbit mannerisms. i think he thumps his foot sometimes, jumps around a bit/binkies, i suppose sprawling out counts (motherfucker takes up the whole couch/desk just because he wants to be annoying). and as for stimminggg this one also counts for rabbit mannerisms but he likes chewing things i think. taps his fingers. used to do hand flapping but he essentially forced himself to stop doing it.

very likely. he loves rabbits and could talk about them for hours. and he would be quite excited for someone to share that passion i think! its not hard to prompt him into infodumping about them

i do Not have a playlist mostly because i have very few songs that are that old. however i do think he enjoys classic rock music. and i mentioned a few artists i think he might like before but id have to look for that ask. i think if it has a guitar he likes it

michael: mikey, mike elizabeth: lizzie, liz evan: doesn't really have a nickname all of them: i think he'd call them his baby bunnies in a joking manner. but also somewhat seriously. yaknow?

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK ^_^ this was very fun to answer yippee!!!!

[oc-tournaments]

ROUND ONE - MATCH 10

DALO vs ANDREW MCCARTHY/HERO

DALO: @genericswordsmaiden

ANDREW MCCARTHY/HERO: @the-real-uranus

VOTE BASED ON THE INFORMATION BELOW CUT!!

Propaganda Content Warnings: Suicide, assault, internalised homophobia, animal death, dismemberment, alcoholism for DALO. Parental death for ANDREW. Please read with care.

DALO:

PROPAGANDA: Dalo is a ghost, she died by suicide at the age of 27, and in the world of the dead where she now resides, which is actually a purgatory of sorts, she has to endure loneliness because suicides can get corrupted - change form and become aggressive spirits - and are therefore ostracized by other ghosts. Born in an abusive family, starved during her childhood and bullied at school, Dalo develops trust issues growing up, her only friend being a pen pal, Luka, and her mentor, a man whom she only remembers as Professor. Dalo is not her real name, but a nickname that eventually erased her original name. At age 16, she gets physically assaulted by a group of guys and survives, but gets big ugly scars on her back that she tries to hide in every way she can. When she gets the chance, she travels to the city of Providence, renting an apartment with Luka.

They form a band with two other characters, Mary and Sam, but soon tensions arise, mainly because they all love Sam in some way, and this puts Dalo in an uncomfortable situation because she doesn't really know how to deal with feelings. She ultimately decides to put them aside and think about how to help Luka deal with his homosexuality instead. In this period of time, which lasts about three months, another tragedy occurs: Dalo and Luka's cat, whom they treated as a son, is found killed one evening. This brings the two even closer, grief shutting them out of the world for a while. As if that wasn't enough, Sam, thinking that Luka and Dalo became a couple, marries Mary instead, breaking two hearts at once. Just when it seems like everything is slowly flowing normally again, Luka has a breakdown and asks Dalo if God can accept him as he is. The choice of words in her answer to such a cryptic question is crucial and will forever change her life, as well as ultimately end his, since he goes missing from that evening, until his body is found in a bag a week later, chopped up into pieces.

The weight of the event is too much for her to bear, the guilt and pain make her turn to alcoholism. Her last choice was cold and calculated, she saw no value in a life like hers, so after months of suffering she took her own life. As a ghost, this choice hunts her, also because it made her directly linked to the main antagonist of the book, but this is a lore-heavy detail and I don't really want to delve into it. Her other big character trait is the fact that, with a life like that, she has tons of repressed anger, which all comes crashing out of her (literally) at some point in the story. Her power as a ghost is summoning chains, which symbolise both her guilt and the desperate need to be "chained to someone", to have some kind of bond with another person.

THEME SONG:

ANDREW MCCARTHY/HERO:

PROPAGANDA: When he was just eight years old, he witnessed his parents being brutally beaten to death by a vigilante. His parents were thieves, and he knew this, but he was shocked that it caused a vigilante to kill them. He began to cry, but people would only apologise because 'they must've been horrible to you!' From then on, Drew decided to become the one to wipe out all vigilantes and self-proclaimed heroes, he was going to rid this world of the murder of those who don't deserve it, he was going to the the one true HERO. When he turned eighteen, he snuck into a laboratory and injected himself with chemicals that gave him superhuman abilities.

He was bribed into joining a criminal organisation with the promise that it'd attract vigilantes for him to kill and is made to kidnap, torture and sometimes kill innocent citizens.

Nobody seems to understand his hatred for vigilantes. Nobody understands him, anyway.

Also, not a "god's favourite punching bag" thing, but I wanna share this because it makes me happy, he's autistic like me and his special interest is street magic!

THEME SONG:

[lilja4ever]

disorganized thoughts on life is strange under cut, warning for spoilers and mention of sexual assault. after this I have to write my essay so if you see my online just kill me

so I obviously haven't played lis in a really long time however it has held up way better than I expected. It fit really well into the 2010s online gay people culture so I was shocked to see it still have a pretty strong effect on me. like yeah the dialogue is ass and the game does not look so awesome now (that remaster looks cool though!) but it is a genuinely captivating story especially episodes 4 and 5.

I think Nathan is such a compelling character and I wish there was more about him that the player could interact with, I'm still thinking about his "Rachel in the dark room" drawing. obviously he has some strong issues with his parents that mr Jefferson used against him but the idea of him being at mr Jefferson's bidding for validation is so scary and so interesting. there is so much darkness in his character from the surface level we get and yet I find myself thinking about him still! I'm happy he survives when you choose to save the town. he reads as repressed homosexual as well but I'm also reading into it. Victoria too but I also want her

obviously mr Jefferson is the most interesting part of lis (in tandem with Rachel amber), his character exploration in the last two episodes was so scary and so well thought out. however I found it kind of funky that he only ever drugs and photographs women yet he's just not a rapist? when you look at the newspaper towards the end of the game it says something like "professor drugs women but doesn't sexually assault them" like you would think that would be a pretty big factor of his character? and the fact that it's implied that Kate is assaulted at the party (yet again the dialogue is something vague like "she was making out with a ton of people!") and Nathan buys GHB from the dealer guy... but only for photography reasons? idk how to actually articulate myself without sounding crazy but that seems like an obvious choice to make him more violent in that sense. even in the last of us David is fixated on Ellie as an object of sexual conquest and its made obvious that it's what he wants from her. like if you're going to do this big misogynistic villain maybe dont just be like "he's not THAT bad" lol

I also wish there were more allusions to twin peaks but the fire walk with me in the mirror at the diner made me smile so big. Kate marsh is my sweet angel

[dag-hammarskjold]

I cannot believe it, I found the Hammarskjold movie

I really enjoyed it, it is about everything I would ask for

Thoughts under the read more, will include spoilers

I really like the direction, the dichotomy between Hammarskjold the Secretary-General and Dag the person. I see why some wanted more focus on the crisis itself, but I actually think the crisis is not that relevant to him, as the subject of the movie. And given the almost 2 hour run time already, I think it was the right decision.

I cannot talk about the dichotomy between Secretary-General and man without talking about Peter. I remember reading that the director added Peter as a stand-in for him, as a voice to which he said what he wanted to Dag. I definitely see that, but his sub-plot with Dag was so good it is barely noticeable. (And I respect the rpf self insert shipping 😂)

In the movie, Dag and Peter knew each other since University, but were estranged after Peter tried to kiss him on a camping trip. It’s almost like a romcom setup - the love interest reappears into the protagonist’s life in a time of turmoil and uncertainty, reigniting feelings the protagonist long repressed. In the past, Peter even gave him a gift - a statue of a unicorn - something Dag would later use in Markings to describe himself.

The conflict within Dag is so palpable. When Dag was told Peter had previously been found guilty of homosexuality in Sweden, the first thing he asked was if anyone else knew. When he rejected Peter for the second time, Greenback his pet monkey and sole companion died almost simultaneously… the parallel writes itself doesn’t it?

The Congo crisis itself was probably the weaker part of the movie, and I am fine with it. It quietly builds up in the background, and ends almost just as unsatisfyingly quiet. Because there is no fight at the climax, this is not a 3-arc narrative where everything is resolved, not even like the more well-known crises in the Cold War where everything ended generally better than it started, the crisis continued on for years, if not till modern day. Hammarskjold died, and the movie ends with him. I would suggest watching a different movie if you want to focus on the events of the crisis.

It somewhat reminds me of reading about the crisis in real life: you know what it is from the start, there is no gallant fight, you watch them walk away less hurt than the good people, you watch them win using all the dirty tricks, you know it doesn’t matter that the pilot who shot his plane down had tears in his eyes, you know how it ends.

Most other characters are relatively one-note, and I think it fits. Dag was a lonely, perhaps very repressed man. I think on some level he was afraid of being known so intimately, the way Peter did, and thus he keeps most people (that he didn’t know prior to being at the UN) at arm’s length.

The use of quotes from Markings were also well-chosen and well-timed. I could almost recite them by heart, and they fit very well into the plot. The movie does a really good job making you want to see Dag happy - in a cottage near his friends, back home in Sweden, no stressful job, and perhaps love. When Peter sent him a letter telling Dag that he had a right to be happy too, and Dag replied that Peter would be welcome when his term ended, it hurts ever more knowing it was too late.

I previously said this movie was my Oppenheimer, but that isn’t entirely accurate now, I suppose. Oppenheimer was a deeply polarising individual - the father of the atomic bomb - the movie must balance between his point of view and addressing the reality/horrors of him and his creation.

But Hammarskjold does not have this baggage - he is still by a wide margin considered the best Secretary-General of the UN, remembered universally positively. For once, Hammarskjold didn’t have to be the image of an impossibly perfect Secretary-General, he can be Dag. And I think he has more than earned it.

If this movie is all that the world will ever learn about Dag Hammarskjold, I would be satisfied. I would rank this a 10/10, but I am very easily satisfied by movies.

(If I got anything wrong, it’s probably because the version I watched had a dub in a language I do not speak, and subtitles that were not in sync with the movie)