#and then yeah yeah they makes sense. but id forget it so quick its just simpler to she her

[edwardscissorfeet]

not trans and also dont even have the boobs for it but i think top surgery would save me. honest

[mxtantrights]

the shopping incident

this is a snippet from the famous dc! au that started with The Greatest Hits [read here] you don't have to read it but a lot of things would make sense if you do!

The whole pap thing started happening after there was buzz about the video with you and Jason. You know that Jason said his brother handled it as best he could online but these things have a way of rearing its ugly head anyways.

Which is why you can't leave the thrift store you are in now because there is a small swarm of paparazzi outside waiting and biding their time. They wanna ask you about the video, they wanna ask you about Jason. They wanna take a picture of you when they do so they can say they caught you off guard.

You don't know what else to do besides not leave. Leaving means facing the wrath of camera lenses and mics and hidden mics and raunchy questions and baseball capped people trying to make a living off your privacy.

So, with not know what to do you call the only person you know who can help you. You tap away on your phone until you get to his contact and then you send him a text.

you: tips on how to deal with paps?

Three ellipses show up hurriedly. You're not sure what Jason's up to these days but he's probably busy. It makes you feel guilty for even reaching out to him. You want to unsend the text but you can't, he's already seen it.

Jason: are you okay?

you: yeah yeah, just wondering how I can get from this store to my car without doing anything stupid.

Jason: just don't answer anything. are you alone?

you: yeah I just wanted to look in this store for a moment but I forgot I wasn't exactly a browse-in-the-store normal person.

Jason: happens to the best of us

you: including you?

Jason: well with a face like this I kinda can't forget I'm not normal

you: how do you walk around with a head that large?

You laugh at his joke. And when you pick your head up you are face to face with a man. A regular looking man, about your height. He's got a smile on his face.

"Sorry I'm not here to intrude or anything, I just wanted to know if you are gonna buy something?" he asks.

That's when you look down at his shirt. More specifically the tag on his shirt that reads: Manager and his name underneath the title, Ron.

You take a deep breath, "You know what, I really was looking around and I saw some things that I liked but the group outside is really getting to me."

He nods his head as if he understands. In your mind you think, maybe he does. This is California, he's most likely had this shop for a while now. He has to know what it's like. Yeah.

"Well you're free to wait them out however long you want, I just don't have a back-door option at the moment since construction is happening in the next building over." he explains.

Well, there goes any plan of sneaking out of here. You choke down a sigh and smile anyways.

"Thanks Ron. I think I should shop anyways, why let them get the best of me?" you rhetorically ask.

He gives you a thumbs up and then he's walking away to assist another customer. You look back down at your phone. Its on silent meaning you didn't see all the texts coming through from Jason.

Jason: learned from my father

Jason: you should ask the owner if theres a backdoor.

Jason: I promise it's not a big deal hun

Jason: hey?

Jason: Did something happen??

Jason: Hello??

You are quick to reply back, worried that you made him sick with his own worry.

you: Sorry was talking with the owner. no back door.

Jason: that's okay. do you wanna wait it out?

you: honestly no. I'm hungry and I have food at home waiting for me

Jason: okay pick up the phone

You're confused why he says that. Then that confusion is met with realization when his caller ID pops up on your phone. You hit accept faster than you have before and raise your phone to your ear.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" he asks.

You snicker, "Oh I'm feeling like I'm in a gilded cage. How's your afternoon?"

"Well I was stuck in a meeting for this role I didn't want so thanks for getting me out of that." he answers.

With the phone tucked into your ear by your shoulder you can look around the store now. Its filled with things that you like. Trinkets that couldn't be explained in your home, shoes that you have no business wearing. Things like that.

"You keep calling me when you're busy and people are gonna think I'm the bad guy." you speak.

On the other end you can hear him laugh. A sound you like to hear, a sound you miss not being on set with him for a while now. That's soon to change with pre-production ending in the coming weeks and filming set to start in a month after if all goes well.

In front of you is an assortment of things. Your hand reaches for a motorcycle helmet first. It's a cherry red color. And it's a bit scraped up but you think that adds to the velour of it all. It's funky looking. You have no use for this other than it would look bad ass in your home.

"Too bad. Anyways, when do you plan on leaving?" he asks.

You pick up the helmet and examine it with both hands now. It's not shiny, but you can see your reflection in it nonetheless. Pretty cool.

"As soon as I finish what I came here to do, which is shop." you answer.

"Do tell, is this the sexy time kind of shopping or is this groceries?"

You laugh and place the helmet back carefully. Your hand reaches for the next thing. A green book that looks worn out a bit but still in good condition. You read the spine and your eyes go wide.

Oh this is gonna be good.

"I'm not buying anything you can think dirty thoughts about you creep. Besides I think groceries can be sexy." you reply.

"Very sexy hun." he retorts.

You grab the book with your hand and walk over to the register. This was it. You needed something to say that you weren't unnerved by the paps outside, that they didn't manage to derail your plans. And you needed also to get the hell out of here.

So you slide the book onto the cashier table.

"Hey are you still free two weeks from now?" you ask.

"Yeah, I thought we had plans." he answers.

"We do, we do. But maybe we just move them to somewhere private." you speak.

"Of course, we can. Your place or mine?" He asks now.

You realize how you might answer in the privacy of your own home is a bit scandalous for the public setting you're in right now. So you erase the joke you have for him in your head and go for something appropriate.

"Mine." you say simply.

You sigh out your wallet from your bag. The cashier prompts you for your card and you give it to them. A quick swipe and then your book is getting wrapped and put into a regular brown back.

"Good. Tell me when you're about to leave." he says.

"I'm checking out at the register now." you answer.

The cashier gives you your card back first. You put it back into your wallet and drop it into your bag. Then you are handed the shopping bag.

"Okay stay on the phone with me when you walk out." Jason says.

You mumble a thank you to the cashier. And then you gussy up the courage to walk out the front door. You opt to hold your phone up to your ear, giving your shoulder a break.

"Walking out now." you say as you push open the glass door.

As soon as the California air hits you, the cameras do too. The questions are shouted. Yelled. Thrown at you. You keep your head down a bit. Where you parked your car is at the forefront of your mind.

So much so that you don't fully register what Jason is saying to you on the other end of the phone. You just hum along until you are finally at your car. Then you unlock your doors, set the bag down in the passenger seat and get inside.

The car door closes and you let out a breath. The paps are still outside but they are immediately less loud. And they can't come in here. Some seem to back off a bit.

"Okay?" you finally hear Jason ask.

"Yeah yeah, I'm in my car now. I'm good." you speak.

"Good. Good. Okay. Do you want me to let you go now?" he asks.

You put your phone on speaker and put it into the cup holder. Silently you let out a ragged breath. It's rough and you sit back into your seat.

"Yeah, I think I'll be fine." you answer.

"Text me if you're not. And text me when you get home." Jason says.

"I will. Thanks again Jay."

"No problem. Gotta go."

"Alright, bye."

Your phone buzzes. Call disconnected. Your mind is able to calm down now being in the vehicle of transportation to get you away from the madness. And after hearing Jason-wait a minute.

That's when it hits you. Jason. Jason, on the phone. As you were walking out to your car in the flurry of paps, questions and snapping cameras, he called you something.

He called you baby.

[astroismypassion]

heyyyyy how r you ? 🤍 girll help me like im really curious about this guy and mes synastry chart so i was was wondering if you could take a look real quick and see if the PULL and ATTRACTION i feel is mutual 😭 do you see anything good happening in the future 4 us ? 😭 ofcourse you can skip this ask, id really appreciate it if you can help but if not then its completely alright too !! hope ure having a good year so far 💗 take care byee 🌟

im the red one, 'A' and blue is 'D'

If you already know this person 1+ years, I would more suggest Composite chart. Because there you will see the real push and pull. Synastry energies are so interchanging and one day you can be doing it, but they the other person can.

But if you are ready for an unsolicited opinion and outlook on this particular synastry...I think this person is a WILD card for you. Like this reminds me of that one person when you meet really young and you kinda have a crush on them, because they seem so confident and charming..and just...so sure of themselves. Honestly I feel you will quickly forget about this person later and not even look back with any regret. I also kind of feel like you idealize them. And that this is very physical attraction on your end.

I don't know, I have to ask now, because I'm sensing it more and more based on looking at the chart, are you still both in high school or even elementary school? I swear, this is giving off that energy. Venus conjunct Mars, I get lust-y feeling, like young love based just on physical attraction, but beyond that, you might just lack mutual interests and overall compatibility. Like you could realize you don't even have that much in common in the end.

That Pluto on the 7th also, are you perhaps a bit older than this person? I sense age difference somewhere here, like it could be just 1, 2 or 3 years and not more. Yeah...Pluto over the 7th in synastry, thanks god it's not closely to Descendant, but yeah, again if you are young, like below 20 in early 20s, I would suggest staying away from these sort of connections, because partnership might largely be based on power struggles and power plays. And this person the blue one can actually see you the red on as highly controlling at some point. Like you are constantly try to influence their decisions. But you just have to accept that this person is highly freedom loving, even free spirited, much more than you, who is more grounded, humble, reserved and cautious. But you can't really change the person for wanting freedom so much, you just need to find someone who as equally appreciates being cautious as you do. So it would be like you are trying to tame them before they fully develop their identity and just overall try to make them more like you are. Not to mention Mars in the 7th in the synastry as well, your connection if a partnership, could burn out too quickly. Or there could be some challanges even getting partnership off the ground to start with. The courting phase can be really prolonged here with Venus in the 7th as well. I think Pluto or just Mars in the 7th is enough on its own, but BOTH being in the 7th, it just doesn't give a good vibe long-term. But you probably really allow a lot of space one another. But if the person has too much freedom, you start to control them. I also feel that you might be attracted to this person due to their bad boy type of attitude and persona. Like they seem so reassured, laid back and naturally charming and confident, that you might just be into that a lot. So the future of this synastry chart doesn't appeal as bright to me, more like relationship of growth or lesson due to Sun in the 9th house and Sun in the 10th house, could be even karmic a bit. Ohh, did you meet in university perhaps now that I see 9th house Sun? I still feel like your identities are developing and keep sensing both being young. Maybe Composite chart looks more stable, but I seriously doubt this would work for a long long time. Be more prepared for a short-term connection, but if you are into serious committment, this might not be it. It's fun and exciting, yet not as sustainable it's how I see it.

But yeah on a side note, I really really like YOUR own natal placements. You seem like a very caring, pleasant, hard-working person with great emotional depth.

Take care and have a relaxing afternoon,

@astroismypassion

[s0lar-ch3ri]

actually feeling so proud of me

i think because ive grown up where it felt like peoples main goal was to scare me away from the uncontrollable (growing up) ive just like, not hated it out of spite in a sense

it feels so freeing when i can look at how people on purpose try to make themselves (and/or others) feel old like a bad thing and go "wtf is that all about"

do not look back on your childhood and think its gone too quick because the bounds of childhood are determined by us! look back on the years and ignore the time passed, but remember each detailed moment like it took hours for a second to pass and enjoy life knowing youll have more of that fun shit someday (or make your own today)

"time is too short" "life is so long" time and life are as long as you fucking need! i didnt want to start watching jrwi because of attention issues, thinking id never focus enough to catch up, and here i am! im on ep 91, only a couple more to go, and thats with breaks when i just needed to step away from the show or when i forget to listen!

i think we genuinely shouldnt be scaring kids about like becoming an adult because thats kinda an asshole move but hey what do i know i nly was scared for years about growing up and whne i wasnt feeling well mentally considered death as a way to not grow up so yeah

BE EXCITED FOR ADULTHOOD AND LIFE WILL FEEL BETTER! DO NOT LET HUMANITY'S IDEALS OF TIME BAR YOU DOWN!

[clouditae]

First Love | 18

Yoongi x reader | 18+ | college au | tattoo artist au | angst | fluff | swearing

Word: 3.8k

Beta reader: jinned

You first saw him in the multi-purpose room. Later learn his name, and on your third year, as he becomes your neighbor, you discover his lifestyle. Knowing your crush on him was nothing but that, you wanted to find the courage to look for love. Asking your friend for help, you’re pointed in the direction of the expert. Your neighbor, Min Yoongi

Chapter Index

You lie in bed, staring up at the ceiling as the hum of the air conditioner fills the silence. The scenes play in your head over and over again. The first time you tried to say those three words to Hanbin. The second time you tried. The third time. Groaning, you turn to your side to face the wall. No matter how many times you try to say it, the words never leave past your lips. It’s like there’s glue in your throat, and the words can’t make it past the substance. It sucks and you’ve never felt so confused. Why can’t you say it? Do you not feel it yet?

Maybe you should wait until you know, but when do you know? When do you know that Hanbin is the love of your life? How does all this work?

You ponder for a while before giving up on trying to nap, so you get out of bed and make your way towards your desk, pulling out your textbook and notebook to work on your homework. Even as you try and focus on the question in front of you, your thoughts refuse to concentrate on anything but the lingering question you don’t want to think about. You groan, shaking your head as you try and bring your attention back to the question you haven’t answered after staring at it for ten minutes. 

“Focus, Y/N. Now is not the time to question your feelings,” you mumble to yourself, adjusting in your seat. Those thoughts don’t leave. It lingers and pesters, hovering at the back of your mind like a pest. You don’t hear the lock to the door unlocking, or Ari walk in and begin to talk when you toss your pencil in frustration and cry out, “I can’t say it.”

“Can’t say what?” Ari asks as the door closes behind her, the sound of her footsteps making its way across the room towards her desk. 

“I can’t say ”I love you“ to Hanbin,” you confess, resting your forehead against the cool surface in front of you, homework long forgotten. 

Ari’s quiet for a moment, taking in what you had just told her. “Maybe you don’t feel it yet?” 

“That’s the thing,” you begin, sitting up and looking towards her, “I don’t think I’m ever going to love Hanbin like I hope I will.” 

She frowns in confusion, cocking her head slightly to the side. “What do you mean?”

You avert your eyes as you reply, “No matter how hard I try and forget him, I can’t.” 

“Y/N…”

“What I feel for Hanbin doesn’t compare to what I feel for Yoongi.” You finally look up to meet her somber expression. “And I hate that. I hate the fact that I can’t forget him.” 

“What are you going to do?” she questions. 

“What do you mean?”

She adjusts in her seat, draping one leg over the other. “If Yoongi stood in front of you right now, could you tell him what you can’t tell Hanbin?”

You open your mouth to give your response, but you say nothing. What you want to tell her doesn’t feel right, but what you really feel should not be what you’re feeling. You need to follow your head not your heart. However, your heart is louder than your thoughts, and as you open your mouth to answer, you feel at ease wanting to say it. “I–”

A knock at the door interrupts your answer. The knocks are quick and loud, desperate for someone to open the door so that the person behind the door can see you. Making your way towards the door, you grab the handle, twist and pull the door open. Hanbin stands on the other side, hair disheveled and out of breath. 

“Hey,” he says, voice wheezy as his chest heaves. 

“Are you okay?” you ask him, seeing drops of sweat fall from his temples. 

“Let’s go on a walk?”

“A walk?” you ask with a frown. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

He nods, waving your question off with his hand. “You up for a walk? I gotta tell you something.” 

You bite the inside of your cheeks before nodding. “Let me grab my phone and then we’ll go.” He nods, looking relieved that you agreed to go on this walk with him. Letting the door go as he holds it open, you walk towards your desk to grab your phone and bag containing your wallet and ID. You look to Ari. “I’ll be back,” you tell her. She nods in response as you turn back around and make your way out of your room, following Hanbin down the hall and towards the side exit. “Is everything okay?” you question again, leaving the building and making your way down the stairs. 

When the two of you reach the ground floor, he takes your hand in his delicately as the two of you begin your walk out of the dorm parking lot and onto the sidewalk, down the slope and along the route the bus and shuttle takes heading towards campus. “Yeah, I just…” You feel him grip your hand. “I need to tell you something before you find out and you think of something different.” 

You stop, forcing him to stop and face you. “What do you mean?” He looks at you with soft, confused eyes. “What happened?” you ask.

“Lynn transferred here,” he confesses, looking away in shame.

“Your ex?” He nods. You know Hanbin, and you know he would never cheat on you, but you know that Lynn is his first love–the girl he was torn about when they ended their relationship because doing long distance was hard. They didn’t end on bad terms. “How do you feel?”

“If I’m going to be honest… I’m confused.” He meets your gaze again. “I thought that since she’s on the other side of the world, I’d be fine and move on. I meet you and I feel like I can move on.” He hangs his head. “But then she shows up and it’s like those feelings never left, and the worst part is I’m fighting something I wish I wasn’t.” 

You take his other hand in your free one, swallowing a lump in your throat. “If Lynn,” you begin, taking in a deep breath, “were standing here right now, would things make more sense?”

His eyes look hurt when you ask that. “Y/N–” 

“That day at the bus stop,” you interrupt, shifting the weight in your legs, heart racing, “I was going to tell you something, but I couldn’t.” 

“What was it?” he asks, voice soft and comforting. 

You want to cry, and you almost do when your voice cracks as you say, “I wanted to tell you that I love you, but I couldn’t.” You attempt to clear your throat. “I don’t think I can say it.” You can’t stop the sob escaping past your lips, or the tears rolling down your cheeks. “I’m sorry, Hanbin,” you cry, releasing his hands as you wipe the tears away. “I’m trying so hard, but I can’t.” He takes you in his arms, holding you tight and close. “I’m sorry–I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay, Y/N,” he comforts, rubbing his hand up and down your back. 

You shake your head. “It’s not fine. I want to love you, but I can't,” you sob into his shoulder. “You’re perfect and everything someone could ever want, but I don’t feel that way–I keep thinking maybe if I wait longer, I’ll feel it, but I don’t want to drag you along if I never feel it.” 

“Y/N,” he begins, holding you tighter, “I feel the same way.” You separate yourself from him just a bit, your eyes meeting. “I care for you, and I have feelings for you, but”–he releases his grip around you and cups your cheeks–“I don’t want to drag you either.” 

“You’re still in love with Lynn,” you whisper.

You can see in his eyes that he looks hurt and conflicted. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’ve tried so hard to not fall back in love, but when I heard she was coming back the feelings lingered. Then when I saw her and it’s like those feelings never left.” 

You shake your head, brushing your hand along his cheek as he let’s yours go. “She has your heart, and it’s not fair to stop you.” 

His eyes glisten. “Who has your heart?” You’re quiet, afraid to answer because you’re not fully sure if he does. “Yoongi?”

Your eyes widen. “How…”

“The way you look at him and how you try so hard to avoid him, I figured he has yours in some way,” he replies, giving a small, sad smile. A smile you've never seen before. A smile that hurts you to look at. “Do you love him?”

It’s your turn to look away, head hanging. “I don’t know. I-I’ve had feelings for him for years, but I don’t know if it’s love.” 

He lifts your head with his finger under your chin. “Well if he was right here, could you say it?”

There it is. The question asked for the second time today. When Ari asked you, you were sure of your answer. Now you’re confused–conflicted because you don’t know. You’re comparing Yoongi and Hanbin–comparing their personalities, attitudes and the little things they do differently. Hanbin is winning by a landslide, but you can’t say those three words to him. Can you say it to Yoongi?

“I-” You don’t know. 

“Tell him how you feel, Y/N. Even if you don’t love him, it’s best to tell him what you feel because you’ll regret it if you don’t,” he tells you.

You can’t help but ask, “What does that mean for us?”

He smiles. This smile makes you cry. “You’ve made me so happy and I’m glad to have gotten to know you. You’re an amazing person, Y/N, and if Yoongi doesn’t see it, then he’s not worth it. Always know that you are beautiful and worth everything you don’t think you deserve. I hope you find your happiness.” 

You choke back a sob as you reply, “I hope you find happiness, too. Lynn is a lucky person to have your heart.”

He chuckles. “I just hope something rekindles.” 

You nod. “It will. She loves you, and I’m sure she’s waiting for you to go back to her.” 

He wraps his arms around you once more and holds you tight as you cry in his arms. It’s after a few minutes that you finally stop crying and he releases you. “Want me to walk you back?”

You nod, taking his hand as you walk the short walk back to your dorm one last time. You can’t believe it’s over. This relationship that almost made it to one year is ending because your hearts don’t belong to each other. Why is life cruel? Why can’t you love him like you want to? Why are your feelings stronger for Yoongi? His heart doesn’t belong to you–he loves Sam. That cheater holds him close to her and you hate it. You hate feeling this way and not loving Hanbin. 

This is crap.

The two of you stop at the gate of the dorms, holding each other’s hand tightly. “I love you, Y/N. I wish I could love you the way I want to.” He smiles, brushing his thumb along your skin. 

You smile back. “I love you, too.” The two of you lean forward and press your lips against each other for the last time. Taking in the feeling and warmth he gives before the two of you separate. 

“I’ll always be here if you need me,” he tells you, releasing your hand. You nod, watching him walk the way you two came from. 

You want to cry, but you won’t. Instead you take in a deep breath and head towards your dorm. Out of everything you’ve experienced from this relationship, you’ll care and learn from it. Whatever happens next, you won’t let it be less than what you had with Hanbin. You won’t let anything push you around and make you feel small and scared. 

When you unlock your door and enter the room, Ari is working at her desk, her body turning around to face you. She can see the red in your eyes as the door closes behind you. She gets to her feet and walks over towards you. “What happened?”

You smile as best you can. “We broke up.”

Her eyes widened in shock. Just like you, she isn’t expecting that. “What? What happened within those thirty minutes?”

You shake your head. “I’ll explain later, but for now”–You stand straight–“is Hoseok in his room?”

“Yeah,” she answers. “Why?”

“I need to talk to Yoongi.” Turning around, you exit the room and walk across the hall where Yoongi and Hoseok’s room is. 

“Holy shit, Y/N. Are you sure?” Ari asks, holding the door open as she stands in the doorway. 

You knock on the door, heart racing. “It’s now or never.” You two wait for a few seconds in silence when the door opens to reveal Hoseok. 

“Y/N,” he begins, smiling wide until it fades, “are you okay?”

You ignore his question, asking, “Is Yoongi here?”

Hoseok shakes his head, glancing at Ari behind you. “He’s in the studio in the Music Building on campus,” he informs. 

You give a simple nod, clutching your bag, double checking in your thoughts to make sure you have everything you need before running down the hall and out the building. “Good luck!” you can hear Ari call as the door closes and you jog down the steps, careful not to trip. 

Reaching the ground floor, you see off into the distance the shuttle taking off. “No,” you groan, picking up your speed until you reach the sidewalk. Looking to your left, you notice a familiar bus parked by a restaurant and bus stop. You walk to the bus stop a bit away to your right. You suppose you’ll have to wait for the bus driver to get off break and head to the stop you’re waiting at. 

You take your phone out of your bag and pull up a map of the campus. Where is this building located? Is it close to the buildings you’re familiar with? Is it on the lower side of campus? After a minute of searching, you find the building’s location, just as the bus pulls to a stop in front of you. You pull out your bus card, climb in, and press your card to the scanner. When you hear the beeping sound, you take the first seat available. 

You’re scared. You’re scared as the bus drives closer and closer to the campus, taking no stops to pick anyone up. Your heart is racing and your palms are beginning to sweat as you clutch your phone tightly. You can’t do this–this is so dumb. Yoongi will think you’re stupid and you’ll look like a complete idiot for telling him something you’re confused about. 

What do you do? Do you go to him and do it anyway? Do you get off the bus and wait for the next one to take you back to your dorms? What are you going to do?

The bus comes to a stop at the second bus stop on campus. When did you get here so quickly? You stand up and wait for some of the students to find their seat before walking off. This is the stop closest to where his building is. Right now, after you cross the street, you can either continue down the path that’ll lead you to the lower level of campus, or wait for the shuttle or bus to take you back. 

What are you going to do?

Go forward? Wait here?

What are you doing? 

Pick. Pick, Y/N. 

When the signal turns green for you to cross the small road, your feet are running. You’re running down the pathway and towards Yoongi. If you stop–if you let yourself think, you’ll back down. You’ll give up and go back never knowing what he’ll say. Even when it’s a denial, at least you know how he feels rather than guessing and being left in the dark. 

Right?

When you finally find the building, your heart is racing. You wonder if it’s from running or because you’re scared. You can’t think about it. If you do, you’ll quit and leave, and you don’t want to go back not knowing. After asking for directions, you take the elevator to the fourth floor. You feel like you’re going to throw up as the doors open to the fourth floor, an opening before you were chairs and desks line the walls with a few students sitting and studying in silence. Taking in a deep breath as you step out of the elevator, you look left and right down the halls, both lined with doors of what you assumed are studio rooms. 

You don’t know which side he’s on, so you start right and begin to read all the names currently occupying the room. Left and right you don’t find his name, and the closer you get to down the hall, the more you feel yourself wanting to give up. You’re going to take the fact that you went right instead of left as fate telling you not to do this. And so as you get closer to the end of the hall, you’re accepting destiny faster than you thought you would. As the last two doors appear, you check both of them.

You almost trip from trying to turn around when you see his name. You really thought he wasn’t going to be down this hall, yet there’s his name. His name written in his handwriting plastered on the whiteboard next to the black door. You curse under your breath. He’s here. He’s on the other side of this door, waiting for you to spill your guts about everything. 

You breathe, “Don’t think just go. Don’t think, just go.” Shaking off your nerves, you walk towards the door, twist the knob open and enter the room. You really didn’t think before entering. You didn’t think about who could possibly be in here–if he’s alone. You didn’t think. But to your luck it’s just Yoongi who is currently standing at a table of equipment you don’t know well enough. 

He’s looking at you as the door closes behind you, your breath uneven as you try and calm yourself. You can do this. You got this. “Oh good,” he begins, standing straight before gesturing to the window in front of him with his thumb, “I can’t tell if the mic in there is working. You mind going in there and testing it out for me?” You’re completely caught off guard, unsure as to what you should do. “Well?”

You jump a bit and walk down the small hall next to his desk and open the door to the small room where only a mic and stool is placed. Yoongi’s voice booms in the room you’re in, “Just go ahead and talk into the mic when I say.” You walk up to the microphone, moving the stool out of the way. Watching Yoongi as he works the equipment in front of him, you bring your hands together in fear and take in deep breaths. You don’t have to tell him–he doesn’t need to know the real reason you’re here. You can just come up with an excuse. Yoongi interrupts your thoughts, “Okay. Just start talking–”

“I love you.” Oh shit you said it. You can’t go back now, but you can’t meet his eyes either. You can do this. “I’m in love with you. I-I’ve been in love with you since we first met, and I know that love at first sight isn’t real, but it hit me so hard when I met you. I thought it was just a crush, but the longer I felt it, the bigger it grew. Then you agreed to help me, and it just grew bigger–I couldn’t even tell Hanbin I love him because I don’t. I hate myself for dragging him along when you were always on my mind, but through those months of being together, it made me realize how much I’m in love with you.” You take in a deep breath. “I love you, Yoongi, and I don’t expect anything out of this, but I just had to tell you because if I didn’t, it would eat me alive for not telling you.” 

Your breath is shaky as you finally muster up the courage to look past the microphone and at him. He’s staring at you with a blank expression. You don’t know what he’s thinking and it scares you. You said you just wanted to tell him, and that’s all you need, but you can’t help but feel saddened by his expression. You watch as his hand goes to the buttons in front of him. “I couldn’t hear you,” he begins over the speaker, “guess it’s broken. You can come out now.” There’s a click and the speakers are silent. Your heart drops and you want to cry so badly. You just spilled your guts and the speakers decide not to work? What kind of fate is this? 

You exit the small room and walk into the open space where Yoongi messes with the gears. “What were you saying in there?” he asks, never looking up to look at you as he continues to push buttons and twist knobs. 

You open your mouth, the words catching in your mouth. “Nothing,” you finally answer, voice low and quiet. 

He hums. “Okay. Well I have work to do so you can leave.” 

You can feel the tears prick the corner of your eyes as you give a small nod and turn to leave. Twisting the knob, you open the door and leave his room. You told him how you felt, and although he didn’t hear you, that counts as something right? You confessed and you know the answer. You can go back to your dorm and live your life happily. 

Halfway down the hall, you spin on your heels and make your way back towards his room. You burst through the door again. Yoongi, with his hands resting on the table and head down, looks up and meets your gaze. The door closes behind you, again, and you speak, “I love you.” He rises slowly. “That’s what I said.” He’s silent and you’re not sure what to do, so you begin to repeat everything. “I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you since we first met–”

“Shut up,” he says, tone gravelly. “What did you say?”

You swallow the lump in your throat as you repeat, “I love you.” 

He looks away, eyes looking conflicted for the first time as he runs a hand through his hair. “Dammit,” he mutters before walking over to you with quick strides. You’re scared as he gets closer, and you’re taken aback when he cups your cheeks and crashes his lips to yours.

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Irresistible Danger - Part 59

Synopsis:  After being caught outside the compound on your own, Negan decides to punish you in the best way possible ;)

Words: 4,078

Warnings: nsfw, smut, swearing

ID Masterlist can be found HERE

Masterlist of all my fics can be found HERE

*HIATUS WARNING*

This will be my last chapter update until the end of July or very beginning of August, due to me joining Camp Nano. If people are interested, I can link my nano page HERE if you want to see what progress I make. I haven’t created a Camp project goal yet, but I’ll be adding it soon. 

Clearing the Board

You stared at Negan in shock for a long moment, your brain’s frantic whirring grinding to a screeching halt as the subconscious watched with mouth so agape that the gum it had been chewing fell unnoticed to the floor. 

Had he been thinking the same questions as you the entire dinner? Part of you wanted to bolt, terrified to know what was on his mind. Was this where he pulled the rug out from under you and said things were getting too cozy, that he wanted to back track? Did he want to go back to his wives? Or maybe he wanted to try and make you into another one of them? 

Breathe. Just breathe and see what he has to say, before you start hyperventilating. 

Clearing your throat and licking suddenly dry lips, you hoarsely said, “Uh...yeah...we do.” 

As if this was the permission he was waiting for, he gave a curt nod and started talking. He was so focused and straight to the point that you wondered if he had rehearsed this prior to you showing up. If so, he had done a much better job of preparing than you had. 

“I wanted to apologize for last night. Not just for the way I attacked you, though I do fucking apologize for that, but for how I acted after.”

At this, he paused and ran a hand slowly down over his mouth and beard, and you realized how difficult this conversation was for him, how much he still struggled to be open and honest and sincere with another human when he’d had to learn the hard way to be tough and mean and impenetrable. It made you feel validated regarding your own struggles, as well as grateful that both of you were stepping outside your comfort zones and trying to communicate. 

“Doll, there’s just some shit that I don’t like to fucking relive. It has to happen, whether I fucking want it to or not, and once it’s done, it’s done. I don’t always want to rehash events, or talk about how I feel, because the answer is probably that I feel like fucking horse shit. It’s nothing personal against you, it’s just me wanting to fucking move on. The same way you told me the other night that I gotta trust you not to always give me all the fucking details? Well, same goes when the shoe’s on the other fucking foot.”

You sat there and took this in, brain having pulled out a tablet to take frantic notes, and subconscious still staring in shock with its foot unknowingly stepping right in the middle of the dropped gum wad. Of all the ways for tonight’s conversation to go, no part of you had expected Negan to not only take the lead, but go in the correct direction needed to pulverize one of the newly-created questions you had thrown into the padlocked box. 

Once he said the words out loud, it did make a lot of sense. You had seen it as wanting to connect with him and support him, if he would just explain what had happened on the run to upset him. However, some things might be better left unsaid, so as not to make the person relive the events and the emotions tied to them. What you had seen as him shutting you down was actually him trying to move on from unsavory events (and actions he’d had to complete in his role as leader). Add to that his comparison to your conversation the other night, where you had expected him to be okay with you not giving all details about certain events, and you couldn’t believe how much you had blown his recent actions out of proportion.

You had been quiet for a few long moments, during which he was watching you closely. He tried to make his expression neutral, but the unnatural stillness of his tensed body and the focused intensity of his hazel gaze gave away how much weight he was putting on what your response might be.

 Picking your words carefully, you broke the silence. “Thank you for explaining that, because I did wonder why you turned down my offer to talk last night. I respect your right to not tell me everything about what you have to do in order to keep control of the Sanctuary and other communities. However,” you held his gaze, making sure he saw your sincerity. “I want you to know that I’m always here for when and if you do want to talk about it. Any of it.” 

He was unresponsive for a few seconds, as if the tables had turned and now he was the one a bit surprised at how calm and clearly you had voiced your agreement. Then, a soft smile broke across his face, and he said, “I know you are, doll.”

You gave a small smile, beyond relieved to have that topic discussed and out of the way. Your brain was proud of the two of you for talking it out, while the subconscious was preoccupied with cursing and hopping around on one foot while frantically trying to use a stick to scrape the smeared gum off the bottom of its shoe. Like it, you now flailed about for how to move on to other concerns. The door of communication had been opened, and you didn’t want him to slam it shut now that the thing he’d wanted to get off his chest was done. 

“There’s some other things I think we need to talk about,” you said. When his eyebrows raised in a nonverbal for you to continue, you started nervously fidgeting with your dinner napkin.

Shit, where did you even start? How to accurately say what you were thinking and feeling about this relationship with him. He had obviously noticed you pulling back that day in the woods, and while you had been quick to start blurting your feelings when in a post-orgasmic haze, the words now stuck in your throat and refused to come out. 

That ball of self-doubt was creeping in, telling you to shut the box back up and get out of there. It whispered how maybe now that Negan had fucked you, the “game” was almost over and he wouldn’t be as interested. That the moment you started placing expectations on the two of you, he’d tell you to leave his rooms and not come back. 

Looking down at the napkin, which was now twisted and crumpled from anxious hands, you tossed it down on the table and abruptly stood up, unable to continue the farce of sitting still. You pushed the chair into the table and stood there for a few seconds before giving a frustrated groan and pacing over to his armoire and back. 

It was quite the role reversal, you pacing back and forth while he sat there, silently watching. Your hands gestured wildly in front of you, as if trying to act out what you couldn’t say. You started to talk a few times, but it came out as a sputter of nothingness, causing you to pace back and forth yet again. After a couple rounds of this, you finally stopped behind the dinner chair, hands gripping the back of it until your knuckles turned white. The two of you stared at one another, his forehead furrowed in concern at your mini meltdown.

“Doll,” he said, voice low and calming. “Tell me.” 

Just say it. Tell him you’ve fallen for him. 

But you couldn’t. The emotions were right there, but it didn’t feel right to just blurt them out. Three little words that some people tossed around like pennies, and you couldn’t say them when it mattered. 

You looked at him desperately, willing him to throw a lifeline and take back over the conversation, to tell you to forget it and act like this moment had never happened. Instead, he finally moved into action, standing from his own chair and rounding the small table to stand in front of you. 

He didn’t reach out, didn’t try to hold you, as if he knew that the slightest touch would cause your taut as a bowstring form to burst into a million pieces. His hands instead clenched at his sides in a nonverbal show of restraint. He knew that whatever you were struggling with was important, while at the same time realizing he couldn’t force it, and that the direction of the conversation depended entirely on you. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” 

There was more authority to his tone this time, but it was the slight hint of worry making it go up in pitch at the end that propelled your own voice to finally get its shit together and start working. 

“There’s nothing wrong, I just…I don’t know how to say it.”

“Fucking say what? You’re killing me here, doll.” 

You looked at him, took in this strong and seemingly impenetrable, yet surprisingly caring and passionate man who had shattered all of the emotional defenses you had strategically built in order to keep yourself safe. And suddenly, you knew exactly how to tell him in a way that he, and only he, would understand. 

“Remember when you said that the game is over when the king is captured?”

Surprise flickered in his gaze, as he obviously wasn’t expecting that to come out of your mouth. However, he quickly caught up, giving a curt nod. 

“I know technically the queen is expendable, and the game can continue on without her, but-” voice cracking a bit, you paused to take a deep breath before continuing. “What the hell does one do when the opposite happens?” 

You saw the moment the realization hit, making him go completely still. Saw the moment he pieced everything together but still held back, as if afraid maybe he was misinterpreting it. 

His face looked wrecked when he husked, “What are you saying, doll?”

Emotion welled in your eyes as you verbally let go, whispering the confession that had been held in for long enough. 

“The king’s captured me.”

He broke the physical distance then, his eyes bright with emotion as he wrapped one arm around your waist and cupped your face with a warm palm. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on your lips that was so soft and gentle you almost wanted to cry. When he lifted his head, you felt overwhelmed by the adoration in his gaze, but that was nothing compared to the words he then spoke.

“Well doll, I’d say that’s only fucking fair, since the queen’s captured me too.”

Shock coursed through you, followed by a rush of emotion so strong it would’ve knocked you on your ass if he wasn’t there to clutch onto. 

He feels the same! Holy fuck, not only did he understand, but he also feels the same!

The two of you kissed again, long and slow, until your surroundings faded away and there was only him. It could’ve been mere moments or long minutes before your lips parted from his, as time currently had no meaning outside the count of his breaths on your face and beat of his heart under your palm flattened on his chest. 

You felt dizzyingly happy, and the padlocked box was tons of pounds lighter. However, there were still a few spiky balls of questions sitting in the bottom of it, and it was time to empty them out. All of them. 

“So,” you said, fingers tracing up over his exposed collarbone and strong throat. “What happens next, after the king and queen capture each other?”

Giving a much softer version of his usual devilish smirk, he replied, “They lay down their weapons, recall their fucking armies, and rule the board together.” 

Grinning like a fool at that, you wound your arms up around his neck and murmured hesitantly, “So what does that mean for the others? What does the king do with the five of them?”

Once again, the metaphor was not lost on him, and you felt the slightest stiffening of his body against yours as he pulled his lips from where they had been tracing along your ear lobe and looked down at you. 

Shit, did you go too far? Maybe you should’ve just stopped while you were ahead and not crossed into that topic of conversation just yet…

“What do you want me to do with them, doll?” 

You definitely weren’t expecting that as a response, as shown by your staring blankly up at him for a few seconds before saying, “Isn’t that your choice?”

He gave an amused tsk of disapproval. “No, that’s not how it works when we both rule the board. Each partner gets a say, and then we figure it out together.”

Did he just...call you… “Is that what I am?” you asked, heart inflating like a bubble at the possibility. 

“I mean, we can stick with just calling you my queen, if that’s what you want, but I think partner also has a nice fucking ring to it.” 

His partner. Not his wife, or girlfriend. Partner. 

Stretching up to give him a kiss of approval, you said, “Partner is perfect.” 

Deciding to go all in, you added, “And I only want you, no one else. I want you to be the person I snuggle up against each night, and the one whose bed I wake up in each morning knowing that I belong there. I want to walk proudly beside you and know that you’re mine, as much as I’m yours.” You hesitated, a small dart of worry at the brutally honest words making you feel the need to ask, “But what do you want?”

The playful light was back in his eyes, that sinful tongue running over his bottom lip. “I thought I already made that fucking obvious, doll. But if I didn’t, then listen very closely.” 

His lips traced over your face, leaving butterfly kisses on your cheeks and nose and forehead as he spoke the words. “I want you. Fucking simple as that. I’ve wanted you, and only you, since the day you fucking kicked my ass at chess.” 

This was technically information you already knew, thanks to Trixie, but hearing it from him made it that much more real. It was as if even though all the signs were there, you still didn’t want to fully believe you were the reason for his change in behavior with the wives, not until he confirmed it himself. 

Trying to add a bit of lightness, you hummed in pleasure at his lips kissing the sensitive spot on the curve of your neck and quipped, “Who knew all it would take was a game of chess for me to stand out.”

Giving a huffed laugh, he said against your skin, “If you think that’s the only way you fucking stand out, you’re even more oblivious then I fucking thought.” 

“Hey! Are you telling me I’m weird or something?” you laughed, playfully tugging at his hair so that he raised his head to look at you. 

“Wellllll…” he joked, smiling broadly before his expression got a bit more serious. “In all honesty, doll, I’ve respected the hell out of you since the moment you arrived here.”

Eyebrows raising, you said, “Oh? Do go on.”

His eyes danced with mirth, but his words were uncharacteristically sincere. “Despite being scared shitless when my men first found your little group, you never fully submitted or lost your fight. You marched right into the Sanctuary like you were gonna own the whole fucking place, or at least own the kitchen, which you did in a ridiculously short amount of fucking time, I might add. I felt like a fool for asking you to be another wife and expecting you’d be happy just sitting around looking pretty.”

You gave a haughty grin, but let him continue, knowing that confessions such as this were few and far between with Negan. And you were going to soak in every affectionate word like a desert does the rain, because as much as the actions and nonverbals fed your heart, his words were what now fed your soul. 

“I knew you’d be trouble the the first time I walked in the kitchen to check on things and you refused to fucking kneel with the others, staring me down in a way that said you were demanding to be treated at my equal, and just daring me to try and fucking do something about it. It was that same daring each time we were alone that drew me in like fucking catnip, and while the smart thing would’ve been to stay away, when I found you out in the fucking woods about to be walker chow and totally going against my orders, it gave me the perfect opportunity to force you closer. I knew I should stop sending for you, stop finding reasons to visit the kitchen or order you to bring me trays, but damn doll, you were too fucking exciting to walk away from.

“The day you beat me at chess, you were so fucking proud of yourself, and I realized that instead of being pissed, I was proud of you too. I knew I had a spitfire on my hands, and damn if that didn’t make my dick hard.” His voice lowered a bit, so that you held your breath in order not to miss a single word. “But it wasn’t until that first outing together in the woods, when you killed that walker and saved my fucking hide, that I realized I was done for. That I might as well throw down my crown because the king had been captured, and the game was over.”

You thought back to that day, to the kiss and the look in his eyes afterward. Had you known back then? Possibly, but you never would’ve admitted it to yourself, not at that point. You felt a lump start to form in your throat, eyes blinking rapidly in an effort not to tear up. And you would have succeeded, damn it, if not for his next words.

“I tried to fight it, to fight you. Hell I almost got you fucking killed by chasing you out of here, and all because of my own fucking stubborn pride. I’d never hated myself as much as I did in that moment, when we found you lying injured in the fucking woods. I’ve loved and lost, more than any man should, but...the thought of losing you was what almost ruined me.”

Tears trickled down your cheeks in cool rivulets. “Why didn’t you tell me?” you whispered. Hell, if you had known all of this a bit earlier, maybe you wouldn’t have hesitated to talk things out. Wouldn’t have held back as much as you did. 

Giving a self-deprecating smile, he said, “Because I’m a fucking idiot. But also because every time I considered it, you’d fucking pull away. I would’ve claimed you publicly as mine weeks ago, but you about had a god damn heart attack anytime there was a chance someone might see us getting fucking cozy together. I could practically hear the fears and doubts whirring around in your head the last few days, so I took the coward’s way out and tried to halt those thoughts by repeatedly fucking you any chance I got, until you were too exhausted to overthink.” 

He had meant the words to make you laugh, but instead you suddenly felt overwhelmed. Your stupid eyes wouldn’t stop watering, and if you weren’t careful your nose would start clogging up too. You had always been jealous as hell of women who could cry prettily, because you definitely weren’t one of them. 

You tried to school your features, tried to put on at least a thin mask of “I’m fine, totally fine” but more tears followed by a hiccuped sob escaping your lips said otherwise. You unwrapped your arms from his neck in order to press a hand to your mouth in an effort to try and stifle the emotions leaking out. 

“No,” he said, stern enough to jolt you out of the overanalyzing spiral your brain wanted to jump down. 

Pulling your hand away from your mouth with a gentle but firm grip, he clasped it between his own hands. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” you asked. 

Lifting one hand, he used his thumb to brush away the tear sitting stubbornly on the middle of your cheek. “Don’t do what you did last time. Don’t hide from me again.” 

Sighing, you nodded in agreement. “Fine, but it would be nice if one of these times it was you crying and not me.” 

Humor was a mask of its own, one both of you used to cover up emotions. However, since you were standing there with red-rimmed eyes and he had just verbally confessed his emotions more in the last few minutes than he probably had during the rest of the apocalypse combined, you both deserved a bit of humor. 

“The day that happens, I might as well just chop off my dick and fucking hand that over as well,” he joked back, causing you to smile and shove at him playfully. 

Giving an exasperated sigh, you said “I can’t believe I’ve been so dumb about all of this, thinking...well, assuming totally incorrect things. Guess that’s what I get for not trying to just talk it out.” 

He gave you a mock-stern expression and said, “Well, then let this be a fucking lesson.” He used two fingers to point at your eyes and then at his own, and back to yours. “Partners, remember.”

God, you loved the way that word rolled off his tongue. It was exactly what you had always secretly hoped to find with a man: an equal partnership. Sure, Negan was still the leader of the Sanctuary and had the role of badass motherfucker to uphold, but at the heart of things you stood on equal ground, and your thoughts and feelings and opinions mattered just as much as his own. Not to mention, you would dare him to deny that you were the leader of the kitchen staff. And hey, there was a lot of power in being the one in charge of making sure the entire community was fed. And the fact that he didn’t want to take any of that away from you, that he was proud of your accomplishments, made you fall for him even more. 

“Partners,” you agreed with a nod, running a hand up over his chest. Fingers traced his strong, masculine features before running up into his hair to map the streaks of salt among the pepper. 

Eyes brightening with desire, he stared with laser focus down at your mouth, his nostrils flaring as he watched your teeth subconsciously nibble on your lower lip as you took in this handsome man who was yours. All yours. Seeing the intent in his gaze and knowing where this was about to go by the sudden tensing of his muscles for action, you pressed your other hand against his chest lightly and said, “Wait, one more thing. I have a request.”

“Name it,” he said without hesitation.

“Um...this might seem a bit random, but is there any way you could bump Simon up to having a single room?” When Negan looked at you in slight bewilderment, you continued, “That way Ben can visit whenever he wants.”

His brows lowered, and you were afraid he was going to dismiss the issue as not important, so you pressed on. “In all honesty, it was Ben’s insistence that I be honest and talk things out with you that helped push me to say what I did tonight. I kinda owe him.”

The unspoken words were that Negan kinda owed him too, and his scowl said that he heard them loud and clear. With a slight huff, he grumbled, “I’ll see what I can fucking do.”

Giving a wide smile, you stood up on tiptoe and planted a very grateful kiss on his lips, with tongue included. Pulling back a bit, you whispered against his mouth, “I’d love to see what you can fucking do.”

At that, he scooped you up into his arms with a growl and strode into the bedroom, where he then proceeded to spend a good portion of the night showing you just how thoroughly captured the king really was.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Extra Author’s Note: Holy crap, was I nervous af to post this chapter. I feel like so much has been building to this conversation between You and Negan, and I wasn’t sure how readers were going to feel about it. I know some people were expecting more drama and angst, especially since this is about the time that romance novels usually throw in the so-called “third act conflict”. However, I personally find it pretty annoying when that conflict is some form of unneeded miscommunication or lack of communication, followed by the characters being apart for a period of time and then coming back together in one grand gesture before bam, an abrupt ending where you’re to expect them to live happily ever after with no more issues. 

Instead, I had You and Negan do that earlier in the fic, with the “Confrontation” chapter where they royally fucked up and had to stumble their way back together, followed later by the pregnancy test argument where they started to fuck up but then both broke their unhealthy fight cycle (You did this by walking away and Negan did it by going after her and deciding to actually listen). And now, with this chapter I wanted to showcase their growth and how they’ve learned enough from past mistakes to move forward. Some people might see this chapter as too fluffy, but I saw it as a way to show two grown ass adults finally laying down their emotional shields and communicating in an open and healthy manner. At this point, I thought Negan and You deserved that, and I hope y’all agree. 

Whether you loved it, hated it, didn’t care, all of the above, etc, please feel free to let me know. I’m so so curious to hear what people thought of this chapter, and if what I was hoping to showcase came across in a satisfying way. Thanks for reading! I’ll be back with more updates after Camp Nano! <3

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 12]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, overstimulation, tiniest mentions of daddy!kink, a lil bit of a filler chapter!, this is the most btsvt chapter that it’ll ever get so i’m sorry if you dont like that!! 😭😭, a bit of a lighthearted chapter too tbh to ease everyone back into cherry bomb! 💕 I know its been like two fuckin weeks since the last update which is honestly insane to me! I almost couldnt remember where we even left off lmao kdjfhds 😩💕💕 Thank you for being so patient with me and waiting it out while we had two weeks of Monster Mash! Starting Monday, I’m gonna be going back to my normal posting schedule! 💕 have a great rest of the weekend, yall! 🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - ?

“Wait, seriously? You want to work here? But--but I thought you were from out of town?”

Jun’s eyes light up with excitement; fingertips crushing the resume you passed to him moments prior. “Um, well, there was a change of plans… and I’d really like to work somewhere where I have a friend! If you guys are still hiring, that is...” You reply back meekly.

It’d taken you all morning to write up a resume, blushing a little when you realize most of your income had been from camming. It’d also made you pause for a moment when you realized that it meant Jun would also know your real name too; as well as everyone who came through the diner and all of your coworkers.

“Yeah, of course! I, um, just give me a second to pass this to my manager, okay? I’ll be sure to put in a good word!” Jun shoots you a wink before he turns to leave.

You take the opportunity to sit down at a nearby booth, fishing for your phone to text Seungcheol.

‘I think I might be getting the job!!’

cheollie ✨: oh? Not that I doubted you, but is it confirmed already?

‘Mm… Jun is trying to put in a word for me! But I’m confident!’

cheollie ✨: thats my baby ;)

You hear someone call your name hesitantly, only to find Jun standing a few feet away looking at you sheepishly. “Um, sorry, your name’s on the resume so I figured…”

“Oh! Yeah, it’s fine!” You awkwardly giggle. “I figured writing ‘Cherry’ as my name wouldn’t be too smart when you need to cross-reference my ID if I get the job.” Jun laughs as he takes the seat across from you in the booth, papers in hand.

“Well, I convinced my manager to let me interview you. Told him that if we’d be workin’ together that I’d want to scope you out for myself! He bought it, can you believe it!?” Grinning, he sets your crumpled resume down next to a small stack of papers. “I don’t doubt you’d pull your weight around here but I do have to ask… Why here of all places? I thought your, uh, other job was enough? Or I guess I assumed...” You bite your lip, flip-flopping on whether or not you wanted to let him know exactly what happened that led to your sudden decision.

“Um… There were just some big life changes I had to make on the fly and I’ll be living around here now! I’m trying out some new things… I also figured if I worked with you, then you’d know my schedule the best too! And you seem like a really nice and cool guy.”

Jun nods, smiling back at you.

“You got that right!”

“You’re seriously going to start working there?” Jeongguk raises a brow, cables in hand as he sets up the extra PC in his streaming room. “And the guy working there knows you? That doesn’t bother you?”

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, “Yeah and he knows me now too. And knows I’d kick his ass if he tried anything.” You pout from your place in the expensive gaming chair; eyes focused on Jeongguk who shimmies under the desk to start plugging in the cables.

“Well, yeah he does know me, but he’s also one of my regulars and knows the schedules I’ll need, so I think we can trust him!” They both nod and Seungcheol is quick to cross the small room until he’s right behind you.

“He seems like a nice guy though, I don’t think we have to worry.”

Jeongguk slides out from underneath the desk, dusting off his pants as he stands. “And if he does end up being a weirdo, there’s always a place for you at the roller rink!”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes, hands gripping onto the backrest of the chair.

“No.”

“Hey guys, welcome back to Golden Closet Gaming! I’m JK, your regular host! Today, we have a suuuper special guest! Why don’t you introduce yourself, pretty lady~”

You take a deep breath as you lean in close to the mic; somewhat nervous and a little out of your usual element. “Hi everyone~ I’m Cherry! Some of you may know me from, um, the other side of the streaming-sphere but I’m joining my friend today in hopes of boosting our channels together and having a ‘lil bit of fun!!”

Seungcheol sits at the side as he watches the two of you; a small smile painted on his lips at the way the two of you seem to fall into your characters easily despite the somewhat different platforms and influx of different viewers.

The sound of donations and comments pour in a lot quicker than Jeongguk, himself, is used to; eyes wide and eyebrows raised as he pauses to watch them flood the screen.

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

xcaliburDK has donated $100

sleepy_wonu: never thought i’d be donating here but here we are

xcaliburDK: i was always a silent watcher but u kno i had to donate for my favorite girl!

seokGENIE: i feel like i’m entitled to something for taking your shift so i wont be donating, sorry pretty girl

j__min: can’t believe this kid got a collab with you before i did :(

j__min has donated $200

dtsug__a: i dont normally watch streams either but im curious

Jeongguk laughs, still in disbelief as the donations continue to pour in from a combination of your viewers and his. He always made a decent amount from his viewers but he couldn’t deny the pull you had from your viewers as well. “Wow, um okay, my donations are adding up a lot quicker than they usually do. That’s… Hey, whaddya say to streaming with me regularly?” He jokes. 

A shy laugh bubbles up your throat; ears and cheeks burning hot at the idea. You had never collabed with any other streamer before and despite your initial hesitance and unsureness, you too, were shocked to find how well the two of you were doing without your usual content.

“Erm, I’m not very good at gaming though… I don’t think your viewers would like it very much...”

seokGENIE: thats ok jk sucks at gaming too, it wouldnt be too different

j__min: lmao fkjdhf

dtsug__a: does he get roasted often on this channel? If so i’ll be tuning in more often

dtsug__a has donated $100

dtsug__a: for your troubles, pretty gal

“On second thought, let’s let this be a special occasion, huh? Maybe collabs for the holiday, Cherry?” Jeongguk grumbles and Seungcheol has to bite his lip to keep in his laughs from his side of the small room. You start to feel more and more comfortable at the lighthearted atmosphere; tucking a stray hair behind your ear before you lean in towards the mic again.

“Ah! Speaking of, don’t forget to tune into my camshow tomorrow~! JK and I will be gaming on there as well but… with some added fun to match my channel~! 21 and over only~” You blink at the computer screen, still a little unused to the idea that you weren’t technically being filmed. Although, it was a nice change for once; not needing to be all done up for a show and simply just talking to your viewers and reading comments.

sleepy_wonu: is dom daddy gonna be on the show too?

“Dom daddy? Oh you mean Se---”

“Yes! Kind of!” You cut off, laughing nervously. Nobody knew Seungcheol’s name except for Jun and you were trying to keep as much of him private as possible, until he was ready. “In a sense, he’ll be there! You guys will just have to tune in to find out!”

Jeongguk laughs into his own mic, scooting in closer to his desk as he loads up the game.

“I think that’s enough chatting for now, huh? Let’s get started! Tonight we’ll be playing Phasmophobia! We’ll be playing something more lighthearted on Cherry’s channel, as she requested. So tonight we’ll be playing something I picked out. You ready, baby?”

Seungcheol narrows his eyes, quietly taking a sip of his water.

“Ready when you are!”

“I gotta say, sweetheart, for someone who doesn’t play video games too often, you’re not too bad.” Seungcheol comments, nodding his head in amazement as the three of you exit Jeongguk’s PC room. He’d had a hard time keeping in his laughs as he watched from the side and he had to admit, you were even cuter when you were outside of your usual element.

“I have to agree with hyung, but maybe it was also the adrenaline and screaming that kept you goin’.”

The two males share a laugh as you pout and plop down onto Jeongguk’s living room sofa. “Hey, how were the numbers for tonight, by the way?” You ask quietly.

“Honestly? I think we made almost triple of what my channel usually sees. I know I don’t really make a ton off of my streams since I don’t really do anything, like, crazy but shit… Even I’m shocked at how much we made.”

Seungcheol’s lip ease into a smirk; Jeongguk really had no idea how much the two of you had made off of a couple videos alone.

“We still have one more stream to do and then we can just pool up the money and split it down the middle!”  

Jeongguk nods, stretching as he sits himself down onto the other end of the sofa. “I’ll bring my spare PC stuff so we can set up a little early tomorrow, if that’s cool with you two? Maybe have some food before we get started too ‘cause god knows I’m gonna be starving.” You look to Seungcheol who nods and checks his phone for the time.

“Yeah, we need to set up the cameras and lighting a little differently too so we’ll probably start earlier. Just text me before you drive over so we know when to expect you.”

You yawn next to Jeongguk; adrenaline having worn off as the tiredness finally sets in. “It’s so weird, usually I’m only just starting my stream right around this time but I’m so exhausted now...” Seungcheol’s eyes from cute crescents as he smiles down at you, stepping closer as he goes in to smooth down your hair.

“You really were screaming a lot, to be fair. How about we head home and you can sleep in the car?”

“Okay~”

Seungcheol lets you sleep in on Saturday morning, watching as your chest rises and falls with soft breaths.

He takes a moment to think over the last few weeks of his life and he can’t help the disbelieving expression that crosses his features when he realizes just how much had changed over the course of just weeks.

When the two of you had met, he wasn’t expecting much. He expected the two of you to hang out for a few days before you went home and forgot he even existed outside of your camshows and the comments section. But now that so much had happened between the two of you, Seungcheol felt a deeper connection to you and felt the need to protect you even moreso than ever.

He sees you shift slightly, sleepy eyes blinking open as you peer up at him. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

“Mm… g’morning ‘cheol…”

You grimace sleepily at how hoarse your voice sounds, “Ew, I sound so… gross.”

Seungcheol moves to get out of bed, leaning in to kiss your forehead before he shuffles towards the bathroom. “I’m going to wash up but you can stay in bed if you like. I’ll make you some tea for your throat, okay? We have a long day ahead of us and I don’t think you wanna sound like that later tonight.”

Nodding sleepily, you lay back down as you yawn and let the sleep take over once again.

“Are you really sure ‘bout this?” Jeongguk takes a bite of his pizza as he watches Seungcheol pull the desk closer to the bed.

“What do you mean?” You ask; readjusting the light that was closest to the younger male. “Like, I dunno, I’ve never been on a cam show like this so… I mean do I have to do anything different?” You laugh lightly as you go in to pat Jeongguk on the shoulder.

“No, just be you. And we went over it already earlier, the only thing that’s different is going to be me! No weird tricks or anything, I promise.”

Seungcheol places another monitor on the tabletop, grunting as he goes. “Yeah, and in all honesty, I would hate to have to watch you get off, ‘Guk.”

“Oh shut up, hyung. You say that like I don’t know what you’re packin’ under those sweats. I think it’d only be fair! Just two bros getting to know each other.” Seungcheol pretends to gag just as you double over in laughter. “No, absolutely not, ‘Guk. And also, nobody told you to watch those videos!”

Jeongguk pauses, lips pressing into a firm line. “You right, you right…”

You leave to get changed just as Jeongguk starts to help Seungcheol set up the last few bits of equipment. He leans in close to the older male, eyes glancing around the space to make sure you were completely out of earshot. “Hey, hyung, honest question.”

“Sure.”

“Are you really okay with all this?” Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as he raises an eyebrow at the younger male. “What’s ‘this’ exactly, ‘Guk?”

“Y’know, her living here and you camming all of a sudden, among everything else really… And the question if you’re in love with her which, by the way, we still all know that you are.”

A blush coats Seungcheol’s skin, fingertips almost losing grip of the camera he was about to mount to the desktop. “Listen, yes, okay, I do… like her a lot. But she’s going through a lot right now too and I don’t want to freak her out either. There’s a lot of life changes we’re going through so I’m just going to ...wait.”

“You’re a good man, hyung.”

“Hi everyone!”

You wave to the camera, winking and blowing a kiss to the camera propped up between the two monitors on the table. “I know, this setup is a little wild and not my normal but this is part two of my collaboration with Golden Closet Gaming! Do you want to introduce yourself to those who missed our other stream?” You turn to Jeongguk who nods; this time a little nervous as he stares directly into the camera.

He’d said he was okay with being filmed since he wasn’t actually part of any sexual acts, but he still found himself a little camerashy now that the two of you were live.

Seungcheol sat directly behind the monitors and cameras; his phone open to your cam show to watch from a different angle.

“Ah, hello! I’m JK of Golden Closet Gaming! I’m a friend of Cherry’s and no we won’t be fuckin’.” Jeongguk ends with an innocent smile that has you holding back your laughter.

therealchan99: i dont think dom.cheol would like that very much anyway

universe_WZ has donated $100

universe_WZ: unless he’s into watching

dom.cheol: no

alphagyu97: oh shit hes back

angelhan: huh, so hes not there?

“Oh, he is! He’s behind the camera~” You gesture beyond the camera to where Seungcheol sits and he leans over to quickly wave upside down in front of the camera to prove his existence.

j__min: ah, of course~ we know your daddy would never let you play with anyone else~

j__min: he likes you too much ;)

emerald.tae: oh? also hi new watcher!!!

emerald.tae: ur videos were great!!

emerald.tae has donated $200

therealchan99: im gonna need to start fighting ppl for ur attention i swear

gentleman_josh95: implying u had it

chwenon: yooooooo lmao

“You guuuuys, be nice! Just for that, I’m gonna be sending you a special private pic, okay ‘therealchan99’? You guys pick on him too much!” You pout.

therealchan99: hahaahhAHhhahaHAAHAA FUCKIN LOSERS SUCK ON THAT

tangerine_kwan: bruh

chwenon: damn guess we should can it

You respond to a few more comments as Jeongguk sits by and watches the way you interact with your viewers. He also takes note that you had a donation minimum before you started actually doing anything on your channel and that you’d already hit it pretty quickly.

“Okay! I think we should start now, huh? Oh, I should explain what’s going on!” You giggle cutely, settling into your space on the bed. “So JK and I will be playing this stilt man game! We have to get our character to the finish line without falling or the level restarts! JK has to get to level 30 and I have to get to level 20 and whoever reaches their goal first, wins!”

“I have a higher level to reach ‘cause our skillsets are different and we all know I’d smoke her if we both had to reach the same level.” Jeongguk grins.

seokGENIE: sure

seokGENIE has donated $69

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $100

“And the reason why ‘dom.cheol’ is behind the camera is because...” You pause, eyes twinkling with playfulness as you stare directly into the lens. “In order to get me to do my best, he’ll be controlling a special toy I’m wearing~ Hehe, if my character falls, he’ll raise the vibration setting each time as punishment and leave it on until I cum…”

“Which we are assuming will be a lot. Unfortunately, no medic on standby.” Jeongguk jokes. Seungcheol rolls his eyes as he laughs from behind the camera.

“We have a safeword, don’t we, sweetheart?” You nod in response, “Mmhmm!”

“Let’s get it!”

It takes all of four stages before your character falls for the first time.

Seungcheol turns the vibrating panties on and you immediately jolt as you try to keep your character upright on screen. “Oh, f-fuck!”

kitty_junjun: uh ohhhh it begins

artist8hao: i don’t think she’s gonna last.. babygirl is so sensitive, she’ll probably cum soon

xcaliburDK: i’m giving it until level 6 before she cums

emerald.tae: oh are we placing bets

“Noooo~ Don’t place bets on me, I’m weak!” You whine; already squirming as the vibrations attack your clit. Seungcheol grins from in front of you as Jeongguk laughs from your side, already on level 7 on his own screen.

You had to admit, it was a little weird for someone else to be in the room with you while Seungcheol basically used a toy on you, but the younger male seemed to not care about it at all. Although, he had already seen most of you and Seungcheol at this point.

Your fingertips are shaky on the keyboard and computer mouse; already fearing the way Seungcheol’s eyes almost become darker the longer you struggle.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Is the game too hard?”

“A-ah, n--no, it’s not that b-bad…” Squirming, you grind down a little harder onto the bed just as your character falls on screen and Seungcheol raises the setting to the second highest in the blink of an eye. “Ngh, fuh---fuck!”

“Uh oh~ Should I slow down to let you catch up?” Jeongguk teases.

“N-no, I can beat y-you!”

The donations and comments pour in as you struggle to keep your calm and get your character to the finish line; letting out a sigh of relief as you finally enter the fifth level. You let out a choked sob as you already feel your panties starting to stick to you like a second skin from how wet you were getting and Seungcheol can’t help but chuckle.

“You know, you’re technically allowed to cum whenever you want. It’ll just… slow you down, is all.” Grinning, he watches as you look beyond the camera towards him as you pout.

“But I--I wanna win!” You cry; palms clammy as you try to rush through the fifth stage, only for your character to fall almost immediately. “Nooo~”

Seungcheol clicks the vibrator to its highest setting and your body goes rigid as the vibrations wreck your body. You start to grind against the toy as you chase your orgasm and forget about the game almost completely. In a perfect world, Seungcheol would have his cock snug between your walls, but instead you clench around emptiness as you crave his cock.

artist8hao: ah shes already cumming lol

seokGENIE: on level 5? Fuck

universe_WZ: her cute lil cunt cant take it, poor babygirl

seokGENIE has donated $50

emerald.tae has donated $75

alphagyu97: cum baby, u kno u wanna

alphagyu97 has donated $75

A small choked whine is all you can manage before you do cum; eyes clamped shut and fingers wrapped tight around the computer mouse as the waves of pleasure crash down onto your body. Donations and comments flood the side of the screen from a combination of your viewers and Jeongguk’s as they watch your face contort in pleasure.

“Ah, sweetheart, you’re really falling behind~ JK is going through the stages so quickly while you’re sitting there cumming~” Seungcheol teases. He licks his lips, simultaneously wishing you were sitting on his cock while you played your game.

That’d have to be for another time, he thinks.

It takes a second for Seungcheol to turn the toy off and your body immediately slumps forward as you catch your breath. “Ngh, d-damn it…” You grimace when you re-adjust yourself and find your panties soaking wet.

“I’m already on level 17, babe. You gotta catch up!”

You can only groan in response, flexing your clammy fingers before you try to focus on your own screen again.

kitty_junjun: oho looks like our princess is focused now

tangerine_kwan: u got this baby

j__min: show ‘em who’s boss, babygirl

You tune out the sounds of the comments and donations as you manage to get yourself to level eight without falling, but level nine proves to be just a little too hard as your character falls and Seungcheol turns the vibrator back on to its lowest setting again.

“Be careful, baby. Wouldn’t want to fall behind again would you?”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his sweats as he watches you bite your lip. And for the first time all night, he wishes that Jeongguk would just win and go home so that he could have his own private time with you.

“I’m on level 22 already. D’you think she can even catch up?” Jeongguk teases. He spares you a side glance, taking in your form slumped closer to the table as you try to fight the vibrations.

Your body was already extremely sensitive from your first orgasm and you quickly losing your confidence as you struggled to keep your character upright. If you came even just one more time, there was no way that you’d be able to beat Jeongguk with how quickly he was going through the stages.

therealchan99: she’s cumming just as quickly as JK is getting thru the stages hfdsf

gentleman_josh95: shes so cute when she cums tho

angelhan has donated $50

angelhan: thats the real prize angel

“T-thank you…” You whimper out, fingertips twitching against the keyboard and mouse as you focus your attention to the game to the best of your ability. 

You manage to get to level ten with no more issues just as Jeongguk gets to level 25 and you let out an exasperated sigh as your character falls over again. “Uh oh~ I think I’m gonna win!” Jeongguk cheers; giddiness washing over him as he works to get to the end. 

“Nooo~ That’s n-not, ah, fair!” Whining, you grip the mouse tighter as Seungcheol raises the setting on the toy again, watching as you rub your thighs together at the feeling. 

hoshi_tiger_xx: sadly nothings fair in the gaming world babe

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

dtsug__a has donated $50

dtsug__a: cute for thinkin so tho 

“I don’t th--think I can, hah, c-catch up...” You moan. Your character on screen falls over one more time and all you hear is Seungcheol’s small ‘tsk’ under his breath as he sets the vibrator to the highest setting and leaves it there. 

It doesn’t take long before the vibrations prove to be too much for you and you let go of the keyboard and computer mouse as your hands ball up into fists on top of the table. 

The pleasure washes over you in sharp pin pricks; small whines and whimpers falling from your lips as your eyes completely clamp shut. 

Jeongguk lets out a surprised noise at the way the donations and comments almost make the screen lag and for the first time, his character on screen falls over at his split second loss of focus. 

“Ah, fuh--fuck!” You start to squirm once the pleasure starts to bleed into overstimulation and Seungcheol is quick to respond, “You’re gonna cum one more time as punishment for giving up, sweetheart.” 

alphagyu97: ooo she's in troubleeee

gentleman_josh95: ahhh daddy still has to punish you after all 

seokGENIE: damn is this what this channels abt? this is hot 

artist8hao: babygirl always misbehaves

chwenon: she seems to like it too much 😏

dtsug__a: hooooo shit, thats hot 

“It’s n-not my f-fault, hah, JK is j-just good at g-gaming...” You mumble. 

Jeongguk manages to get to level 30 within the time you sit and grind against the toy; small noises of excitement falling from his lips as he cheers for himself!

“Aww, poor baby. Maybe you’ll focus a bit better next time, hmm?” 

You nod frantically as a small tear slips down your cheek and your lips part in a breathy moan. “God, I--I’m c--cumming!” 

Your body locks up, ears ringing as you cum one more time. Seungcheol wishes he could work you through it; hands massaging your skin as you take your pleasure or thrusting his cock into you as he chased his high with you. 

Instead he watches from across you as your body twitches as your face contorts in unadulterated bliss, licking his lips the entire time with images of what could’ve been dancing behind his eyelids. 

Jeongguk watches as the donations far surpass what the two of you made on his channel; brows disappearing into his poofy head of hair. “Wow, uh, y’all seem to really like it when she gets punished, huh?” He mutters under his breath. 

“Don’t you?” Seungcheol teases. 

“Truuuuue.” 

A garbled moan has both of their attention on you as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit. “Ah, ‘m too sen--sensitive now...” You cry. 

Seungcheol turns the toy off completely as your chest heaves in deep breaths; pouting at the fact he wasn’t able to enter the camera frame to take care of you. 

Jeongguk grimaces slightly at the way your body sways in tiredness next to him, unsure of what to do next now that he’d won. 

“Haha, um, medic?” 

[mylifeisactuallyamess]

Vampire!Hux x Stackhouse!Female Reader

A/N: So this is something I’ve been working on for a long time. It’s a Star Wars, True Blood mash up and I mean mash up. Like I smushed the two together, rubbing them between my hands making fanfiction breadcrumbs. We have Vampire!Hux 🤓 Shapeshifter!Poe and Werewolf!Kylo further down the line. Reader is the sister of Jason but trust me she’s not as annoying as Sookie (I couldn’t think of anyone to replace Jason because he’s the bomb so reader had to be a Stackhouse!) Bill doesn’t exist, because he too was annoying. I am posting this first chapter in celebration of @clydesducktape milestone celebration! Congrats Thia! I hope this is enjoyed.

Warnings: Not much for now, maybe some stalkerish behaviour from Hux. Mention of drinking, telepathic abilities. It will be a Darkfic and NSFW 18+

Word count: 4078

He’ll never forget the first time he saw you, the way your lips curved into a smile, how your eyes danced in the dim light of the club, the shape of your body, the sway of your hips as you walked and the fall of your hair with every movement of your head. He swore he could hear the strands as they settled softly. No, he’ll never forget the first time he saw you or the way your scent drifted over to him, carried on the rush of air when the club door opened. It was divine, he had to use all his self control not to rush over and steal you from your group of friends and have you in the office. His pupils dilated in a rush, if his heart beat it would be pounding in his chest, instead he heard yours; loud and clear, a steady beat in his ears drowning out all other sound. His nose flared sucking in as much of you as possible. Your blood sang to him, making you a beacon amongst the crowd; you smelled like sunshine, fresh flowers and grass, so earthy and light….you smelled like daylight. And he had to have you.

You shivered slightly looking at the gaudy neon sign on the side of the squat brick building. The night sky had begun to finally darken overhead and your excitement rose making you feel fidgety as you hopped from one foot to the other. You were surrounded by a group of friends who were all chatting excitedly about visiting the new vamp bar in Shreveport. You were intrigued, you’d never met a vampire before and now they were out of the coffin everyone wanted to meet one.

“You cold?” Shaking your head you looked up into the deep brown eyes of your friend Poe.

“I’m ok, just wish they’d let us in, you know?” He grimaced slightly.

“Not sure I’d wish for that.” You looped your arm through his and pulled him close, enjoying his warmth, Poe was always so hot, he was like your own personal radiator.

“Come on, we’re just here to scope out the competition, I’m sure these vamps have got nothing on us. I mean,” you gestured at the sign. “Look at it.” Poe smiled and dipped his head slightly causing his curls to cascade over his brow.

“Yeah maybe.” You shook his arm in an effort to get him to loosen up.

“What’s up? You were all for this earlier?” You asked, a hint of concern in your voice. He pulled his hand out of his pocket and gave his stubble a quick scratch and he wrinkled his nose.

“Ah, you know me, I aim to keep everyone happy.” You rolled your eyes, he was too much of a softy, a real push over.

“You don’t have to keep us happy! I can always report back if you don’t want to come in?” His eyes widened slightly and you could see the clench in his jaw as he pressed his teeth together.

“You’re not going in without me,” he rumbled. Your eyebrow rose at the gruff commanding tone in his voice, one you hadn’t heard before in all the years you’d known him.

“Yes boss!” Just then the door opened and a cheer rose up from the crowd outside. Jannah turned to beam at you as the line shuffled forward and you smiled back. You noticed Poe’s arm tense against yours and gave him a reassuring squeeze, his sense of unease was coming across to you the longer you had contact with him. Your barriers were lowering, whispers edged your mind and you tried harder to block them out. People streamed into the loud club, a tall blonde woman stood by the door watching everyone with a bored expression on her face until you reached the door. Her arm stretched out to stop you both entering, her eyes were bright as she scanned you both.

“ID,” she drawled, holding out a perfectly manicured hand, her fangs flashed when she spoke and you let out a giggle.

“Oh! You’re my first vampire!” You gushed as you dug out your ID. She pursed her lips and looked down at the card, cocking an immaculate eyebrow. “I haven’t been ID’d in such a long time! It’s so nice to meet you.” She sighed slightly and handed back the card.

“I can’t tell human ages anymore. You bloodbags all look the same to me.” Her blue eyes slid over to Poe when she spoke, a hint of smirk playing on her lips. “Go on in,” she drawled.

“Thank you!” Smiling broadly you dragged Poe in after your friends, it was dark all blacks and reds but you just assumed that was the commercial vampire aesthetic. The bar spread along the right hand side, the bartenders performing inhuman tricks and serving at superhuman speed. The middle of the club was made up of space to dance, punctuated by tables to stand around, a couple of poles flanked a stage and you couldn’t draw your eyes away from the scantily clad woman climbing up and down them with ease. Your gaze finally settled on the stage, a vampire, you assumed, was reclining in a deep red leather and gold chair. He had a shock of red hair that flopped over his brow giving him a soft appearance. His pale skin almost glowed from the spotlight that shone on him, his long fingers rested delicately on his lips while he surveyed the area before him, his bright eyes settled on you and it felt like all the hairs on your body rose at once making you shiver again. He lounged comfortably like a ruler regarding his kingdom in a dark suit, with a white shirt and a suit jacket in only what you could describe was a throne the longer you stared.

“If you’re not comfortable we can go,” said Poe and he moved to block the vampire from your view.

“Are you kidding? This is great!” You exclaimed. “Nothing like your bar though Poe, I’m sure these guys have got nothing on us, I bet they don’t even serve food,” you said leaning into him and whispering in his ear. He chuckled and placed a hand on your back.

“No, I don’t think food is a vampire’s, thing.” Your eyes widened and you covered your mouth with a hand to stifle a giggle.

“I didn’t think that through, did I? Anyway, let's get a drink.” The music wasn’t too loud and you were able to hold a conversation with your group of friends, Poe hovered closely by your shoulder as protective as always. He had his reservations about the vamps coming out to mainstream, he didn’t think they should have but you just thought it was exciting and brave of them to do so. You sipped your drink gazing around the club and tapping your foot to the music, until you found yourself looking at the stage again. The vampire’s eyes were trained on you with an intensity you’d never experienced before making your breath hitch in your throat.

It’s said that vamps have heightened hearing and you wondered if he could hear the increase in your heart beat, the rush of each pound as your blood coursed through your veins. You played with your bottom lip out of habit and he leaned forward in his chair, his blazing gaze never leaving you. Your lips parted and dragged in a sharp breath, your skin began to tingle, your heart fluttering erratically. It was so hot in here all of a sudden and you shifted under his intense attention trying to release some of the tension that had gathered in your body. Your eyes flickered as he stood up suddenly, your body seemed to cease functioning more and more the closer he got, your group of friends trailing off their sentences in awe. He drew level with you, his gaze still trained on you like you were his prey and he was stalking you. Not even Poe’s protective hand on your waist could break the spell you were falling under and everything dropped away the closer the vamp got. You reached out instinctively only to find his mind was empty, blank, silent and you felt your interest grow, the heat under your skin reached a fever pitch and you vaguely remembered to breathe. Your head swivelled to track his movement as he walked past you, finally pulling his bright gaze away from yours at the last moment and the noise of the club returned in a rush.

“Ok,” said Jannah. “What was that?” You frowned and shrugged.

“I can’t hear him,” you looked around, letting your barriers drop slightly. “I can’t hear any of them.” Poe frowned.

“You mean your….” you nodded, a relieved smile breaking over your face at the thought that if you were surrounded by vampires you wouldn’t have to exhaust yourself all the time by blocking out their thoughts. This was something you needed to explore.

The temperatures had soared today, after all the rain it was a relief to finally have some sun. You reclined in the chair baring as much skin as you could without being indecent, you couldn't explain it but the sunlight seemed to rejuvenate you, it warmed your entire body from the top of your scalp to the very tips of your toes, the heat curling around you, basking your skin in its vibrant heat. If you could lay here for the rest of your life you would, being outside, in the sun was the only real pleasure you got these days and you wouldn't give it up for anyone. The sound of large tyres broke your calm but you were used to it, you could sense his annoyance as he got out of the truck and you slowly placed your barriers back up, your brother's mind was one place you didn’t want to be. He called your name curtly and you sighed lightly.

“What’s this I hear you went to that fucking vamp bar in Shreveport?” He demanded loudly, making you sit up in annoyance.

“Would you keep your voice down? I don’t want Gran to hear!” You hissed. He looked around quickly before crouching down next to you, his short blonde hair seemed golden in the light, his eyes tracking over your body making you stick your tongue out at him. “You think I’d be sitting out here like this if I had vampire marks all over me?” You asked haughtily and he frowned.

“Stay out of my head!”

“I’m not in your head, moron. I know you.” He hummed in irritation and you settled back into your chair. “Is that all you came to say? To try and police me by making comments on what I do with my free time?” He said your name in defeat as he settled down in the short grass.

“You’re my baby sister, I just want you to be safe.” You looked over at him through the lenses of your sunglasses.

“I was safe, Jason. I promise, Poe came with me, and Jannah, Finn and Kaydel.”

“See, I wasn’t fucking told that. Why wasn’t I invited?” He whined.

“No, you just assumed I’d be stupid enough to go by myself, you weren’t invited because we went to scope out the competition.”

“Jason!” You both looked over at your Gran standing on the porch. “Get out of the sun kids, you’ll burn to a crisp. Come and have some lemonade.”

“You got any food Gran?” Your brother asked hopefully as he dusted himself off.

“I always got food for my growing boy, come on.” You slowly sat up, you didn’t want to go in just yet but you also knew your Gran would hound you until you had a drink and something to eat at least. You grabbed the dress that was hanging on the back of the chair and slipped it over your bikini before making your way indoors. You had a light lunch with Jason and your Gran before making your way upstairs to get ready for work. The water from the shower was cool on your sun heated skin, you took your time making sure you were fresh and all the dust from the dry ground had been washed off. You dried your hair and you pulled on your uniform for the bar thinking about how busy your shift was going to be tonight.

“I’m off to work Gran!” You said loudly as you grabbed your bag off the banister at the bottom of the stairs, dusk had fallen outside and your shift started really soon.

“Bye sweetheart! Say hi to Poe for me. I really wish you’d bring him here for dinner one night.” You leaned down and gave her a kiss on the cheek while rolling your eyes.

“Bye Gran,” you glossed over her comment with a knowing tone to your voice. “Don’t wait up for me.” You locked the door behind you and stepped down the porch steps to head to your car, your feet faltering before you came to a stop. Someone was standing in your driveway, blocking your route to the car.

“Excuse me? Can I help you?”

“I don’t know. Can you?” His voice was clipped with a heavy British accent, he had a large black overcoat on and his hands were clasped behind his back.

“Well I don’t know you’re just standing there,” you replied with annoyance. He turned slightly and the light from the porch fell on his face, you recognised him immediately as the red haired vamp from the bar. “How did you know where I live?”

“Phasma looked at your ID.” Right.

“Surely she can’t just hand out my information like that?” You could feel panic rising in your chest and you looked up at the house worried for your Gran’s safety.

“Don’t worry,” you shrieked loudly and backed up a few steps because he was suddenly before you looking down at you, curiosity marking his high cheek boned face. “I can’t get in without an invitation.” He stated, his red hair falling across his brow.

“So that’s true then!” You gasped, your hand clutching your top as your heart raced. He didn’t move, his light green eyes suggestively making their way down your body. “Stop looking at me like that,” you snapped.

“Why?” He didn’t sound like he was teasing, he was genuinely asking.

“Because it’s making me uncomfortable and you’re making me late for work.” You walked round him in a wide circle but he just followed your movements with peaked interest.

“He makes you wear that to work? Isn’t it a bit revealing?” He asked. You scoffed, shoving your key into your car door.

“Unlike what the women were wearing last night at your place,” you murmured to yourself.

“You noticed then.” You screamed again, he was so close, his voice bleeding smoothly into your ear as he leaned over your shoulder. You recoiled when he sniffed your hair, his eyes fluttering closed slightly. “What are you?” He whispered.

“I’m a waitress, who’s late for work. Now if you’ll excuse me…” you wrenched the car door open feeling relieved when he made no moves to stop you, the wheels kicking up gravel and dust as you pulled hastily away.

“You’re late!”

“I’m sorry Poe!” You threw an apologetic smile his way, rushing past the bar.

“Took your time,” said Jess as she winked at you. You stuffed your bag in your locker and hastily tied your apron before heading out into the diner. It was busy which for the business was great, but for your mind it wasn’t. It didn’t take long for your concentration to slip, you began rattling off orders before the customers had even opened their mouths making them eye you nervously. You plastered a big smile on your face and each time you did it felt like you were losing a piece of yourself. It was so tiring, blocking this many people’s thoughts from entering your mind all at once. Your break finally came around and you disappeared out the back door leaning heavily against the building.

“You taking a moment babe?” Asked Finn lightly as he stepped through the back door.

I knew Poe shouldn’t have taken her last night. She’s too pure for that vamp club.

“Yeah Finn, just having a breather, so loud in there tonight,” you said pointing with your thumb over your shoulder.

It’s not loud for me, you’re the one with crazy weirdness going on… Finn smiled and it was moments like this where you hated being a telepath. You hated not being able to completely block out your friends thoughts because it changed the way you looked at them in that moment. Other people’s thoughts aren’t meant to be heard. He threw some rubbish in the bin slamming the lid back down.

“I’ll see you back in there biatch,” he waggled his eyebrows, dragging a slight giggle from you before he disappeared back inside. You scuffed the dirt with your trainer wishing you didn’t have to go back in and face the stares and unheard comments of everyone around you. It was lonely being different, maybe that’s why you admired the vamps so much but then there were a lot more of them and everyone could see they were vampires. You told people you were telepathic and they recoiled like you had a deadly disease, because sucking blood was much better, you thought with a loud sigh.

Thankfully most of the diner had emptied by the time you went back in, you rolled your shoulders to try and ease the tension in your neck. Poe popped his head out of the office when you were refilling the salt pots and softly called your name with a jerk of his head.

“You looked tired.” He commented while closing the door.

“Yeah, I’m sorry I was late, the vamp from the bar turned up at my house,” you finished with a laugh turning to your cubby. “Not sure what he wanted, he didn’t even tell me his name. He seems a bit stuck up if you ask me….” Poe said your name with a hint of panic, his hands gripping you tightly as he spun you round.

“What do you mean the fanger was at your house? Which one?”

“Don’t call them fangers, and it was the red haired one never gave me his name.” He gripped you even tighter and you frowned. “Poe, you’re beginning to pinch…” he released you to run a hand through his messy dark curls.

“Damn! I knew we shouldn’t have gone! You, definitely not.” He muttered angrily and began to pace in front of you.

“Poe calm down, what’s the matter?” You asked, watching him walk up and down, you tried to get a read on him but Poe had always been one of those people who’s thoughts seemed to be fuzzy, out of focus almost. More images and feelings rather than words themselves.

“This is bad, what did he say to you?” You crossed your arms wondering why Poe suddenly made you feel like you’d done something wrong.

“I don’t know, we chatted.” Poe huffed, his hand rubbing over his face, he looked as drained and tired as you felt.

“That’s Hux, and if he’s shown an interest in you this is bad,” he explained.

“Well he can’t get in my house and he can’t bother me during the day so I think I’ll be just fine. I can look after myself.” You snapped, turning back to your cubby and grabbing your stuff. You hated how everyone thought you were some poor helpless girl that needed looking after and right now you could feel that rolling off Poe in waves. “I take it, can I go?” He nodded miserably and moved to the side letting you pass him, you caught the image of his truck just at the edges of your mind. “No, I don’t need a ride home!” You shouted as you left his office.

You sighed heavily and rested your head on the back of your seat, you weren’t sure why today had been far more exhausting than usual, maybe the unexpected visit from a vampire of all people had put you on the back foot. You turned the car on and headed home, when you pulled into the driveway you cast all your senses around but you couldn’t hear or see anything. Not that you would.

“Ok, he’s not here, just get out of the car.” You muttered, psyching yourself up to make the journey to your front door. You grabbed your bag and made it to the porch when a voice rang out behind you.

“What are you?” You turned slowly to see him standing at the bottom of the stairs, you saw he had a smart suit on under his overcoat, his hands still clasped behind his back, his head cocked to the side.

“Why don’t you go home?” You insisted. He had a confident air about him as he began to slowly climb the steps towards you, a smirk splitting his face. Again you couldn’t get a read on him, nothing in his mind, no words, emotions, images and you found yourself relaxing in someone else’s presence for the first time ever. He stopped a few paces from you when he reached the top step, his piercing eyes looking over you like he’d never seen you before.

“I could go home, but something draws me here.” He turned and faced the garden meaning you got a good look at his profile. Not being able to know what he was thinking or feeling you found out, put you at a disadvantage and even though it was relaxing you weren’t sure you liked it. He took a few steps along the porch, turning his back to you to look up at the sky.

“Well if that’s all you’re gonna say I’ll be heading to bed,” you told him.

“Humans….” he murmured. “Such basic creatures.”

“And you’re not?” You asked boldly, stepping forward. “From what I heard all you do is sleep during the day and drink blood.” He regarded you over his shoulder, the breeze sweeping in and ruffling his flame red hair slightly. You blinked and he moved, appearing before you like he’d teleported. You stumbled backwards and he followed you step for step, his eyes boring deep into yours until he had backed you up against the wall. “What do you want from me?!” you asked in a rush. He bent forward slightly so his nose just ghosted over your hair and you could hear him breathing deeply. He straightened, flexing his shoulders in a fluid movement, his pupils blown wide almost making his eyes appear black, his mouth opened and you jumped as the fangs seemed to erupt out of nowhere.

“You smell like sunshine…..” he groaned and placed a hand on the wall next to you, leaning into your space. Your heart rate rocketed, you scrunched up your face and turned away from him thinking this was it, this was the moment you were going to die. He was going to drain you and leave you here for your Gran to find in the morning. You felt his fingers on your chin and you gasped at how cold they were, leeching the very heat from your skin. Your eyes flew open to gaze into his, you felt like a rabbit caught in a pair of bright, intense headlights, although now he was only millimetres from your face you could see his eyes were a rich green grey colour and they were mesmerising.

“Your eyes…” you murmured without thinking and he stilled. He could have been a statue, his chest didn’t even rise and fall as if he didn’t need to breathe. The silence hung between you like a living thing, loud in the motionless of you both. You flinched when his fangs retracted, but he didn’t remove his hand from the wall or his fingers from your chin for a few more beats. Your hair ruffled in the wake of his sudden movement and you looked up and down the porch, finding yourself so very alone.

“What the hell….” you muttered, giving yourself a mental shake. Whatever this was, whatever was happening you didn’t want to be a part of it.

[syalmazhafira17]

Ever Since New York

A/N: Hello! This is my first HS fanfiction for the Playlist Fic Challenge hosted by @harrystylescherry. I didn’t specified any Harry era, you could imagine any Harry era you want to! I think this is also a reader insert fanfic, but well, hopefully it does. The pronoun I use here is she/her. I know this is not the real meaning of the song, but the actual meaning of the song triggered me myself, I didn't like to write about it, I'm sorry. If there’s any mistakes, please let me know because English wasn’t my first language. And if you’d like to give me reviews or talk to me, you could absolutely do it! Happy reading! XOXO, Syalma

Word Count: 5.1k

TW: car accident

“I’ve been praying ever since New York” – Ever Since New York

Things started in a place. And for Harry, it was New York.

New York City might not be the most romantic city in general public, but for the Harry Edward Styles, the city is a gift for him. The sweetest memory started here, in the city. When every now and then the city was always busy, but he found comfort in the middle of it. Something he previously never thought to find about in this city.

///

He was just shuffling through the crowd in Times Square. It was at night in the busy hour. He was wrapped in a thick jacket and sunglasses, and everything was so packed, even people, and anyone barely notices him. Which he was thankful about, because it was already a tiring day for him in the studio. It’s already late in his opinion and all he wants is jump on his bed right away. Or maybe a cuddle, even, only if he has someone to cuddle.

The thought stuck in his head, and that night, God given him what he wishes quietly. He bumped into a girl in the Metro. The girl turned around, rising her eyebrow in confusion. When she saw him, she started to freak out. Her head already in a negative view. She step aside a little, giving a space between him and her. He wanted to mumble an apology, before realizing the girl already stepping away from him.

She looks like she’s a college student, he thought. And before he knew it, she snapped her eyes at him alarmingly. He knew she can’t see his eyes staring at her like a lost puppy found its owner, but it surely already makes way to her instinct.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and turned away, locking his eyes at the ceiling of the Metro track.

He didn’t know, that ever since that day, she will be stuck in his daydreams, and out of the blue, making way to his songs and writings.

Ever since the metro, she’s all he thinks about.

///

Their faith tied together again. It’s lunch time and they both met again in the restaurant.

She was looking around the place to find one single unoccupied chair. Her eyes fell on two, one in front of a smoking men and one in front of the curly-headed men. She hates the smoke, and for the sake of it, she makes her way through the table.

“Hello, I’m so sorry to disturb your lunch, may I sit here by any chance?” she asked. The men turned around. He looks right back at her, with bright green eyes and hazelnut curls on top of his head. A moment of silence as Harry regains back his memory of the Metro girl he bumped into.

“I’m so sorry, if you didn’t want to. I’ll find another seat,” she brought her tray away, walking to the opposite direction from the table.

“Hey, um, I didn’t mean to. You can- you can seat here,” he nodded, chewing his lips. He has been thinking about her for some times, once he already got the girl, he messed it up by just looking at her.

“Oh— thank you so much!” she smiled brightly as she turns back to the table and set down her food tray.

They ate in silence for a few minutes, before he speaks up after a war with his gut.

But she did it first.

“I’m sorry, but you look familiar, have I met you before?” she asked.

His mind glued at her until he forget to answer it until she cleared her throat in a code to snap him back to reality.

“Eh, sorry, sorry. Yeah, we’ve met before. In the Metro, the men bumping at you at busy hour,” he scratches the back of his neck, like he always do when he was nervous.

“New York is really a city of possibility. Who knows I bumped into Harry Styles on a Metro?” she laughed. Harry’s smile makes its way back to his face. There’s something about this girl he was very fond of.

“You know…me?” he asked in disbelief.

“Of course I do. Like everyone else. I’ve been a fan,” she nodded.

“You didn’t, don’t get me wrong, look like one,” he stared at her. He wanted to hear her way of saying ‘I do’ in front of their families and kissed in front of everyone. With him.

“Well, I am. Not all fangirl looks like they are a fan, aren’t we? But yeah, I’m a fan. Dying to get a quick snap of you, but I figured you will quickly find my phone’s camera lens as soon as I snap it, considering your sixth sense of it and me sitting only separated by a table, so that might not be a good idea. And yeah, maybe I look calm outside, don’t be tricked by it. I freaked out inside,” she laughed. There’s something about the way she talks that makes him mesmerized by it. He gulped down.

“Do you want a snap?” he offers. Her eyes look back at him in shock. She slowly nodded. She offers her phone, but he already pulled out his.

He snap their picture quickly before he sends it.

“Do you have an Apple product phone? So, it will airdrop?” he asked.

“Eh, no, I have an Android, but I have my iPad with me. Give me a sec,” she pulled out a device from her backpack. She turned it on and Harry sends the picture to it. He glances at the name of her device. y/n’s iPad. y/n. A name he will remembers.

Looking at him glancing at the name of her iPad, she suddenly realized.

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I’m y/n,” she offered her hand.

“Nice to meet you, y/n. I’m Harry,” he giggled.

“Hi Harry,” she said, in a soft tone, that makes him wanted to listen to it for the rest of his life. They both laughed and continued their food.

Ever since the restaurant, he wonders if their faith will collide once again.

///

“Hello, um, no, that’s…probably not a good tone, you have to use the perfect charming tone. Not too low, not too high, not too fast, not too slow. Hey. That’s too informal,” he chippers in front of his bathroom’s mirror.

He didn’t know how much luck he could get right now. He got her phone number, for some weird connection only God knows exist. She was one of his mates’ old friend. Her contact was buried beneath his’ phone for ages and he managed to pull that out of his contact and have the courage to save the number in his phone and gave the girl he met by coincidence a call in one fine Saturday night. And managed to croak out a question in the middle of his nervous state on that simple call.

And fast forward a week, here he is standing in front of the mirror, practicing his line over and over while his nervousness ripping him off little by little. He doesn’t know how he have this whole luck of her.

His phone suddenly rang, snapping him out of his thought and sprinting to his phone as quick as possible. He pulls up the green button after glancing at the caller’s ID.

“Hey, Harry,” she greeted. Her voice ran down his spine and gave him a comfort he never felt before with anyone else.

“Hello,” he said. A dead silence for a moment before she continued speaking.

“Um, I don’t know if I disturb you, I’m so sorry if I do, but I’ve been waiting for about 45 minutes, and I wonder if you will go on the date or cancel it? Because if you want to cancel it, then it’s okay. I’m just checking.”

Harry looking up at the clock on the wall. The clock showed him the time that felt like a slap at his face. And her soft voice asking him in concern make him regret his own feeling. He was supposed to be where she is now an hour ago, he planned on coming earlier than her to make a good impression, but now he’s late, like really late. There will be no way she’s going to forgive him nor agree to go on the second date with him.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry, I– I just lost track of time, I’ll be there in a sec,” he stuttered. He push his phone to his pocket, ran to his keys, and flung himself to his Range Rover and hit the road as fast as the law allowed him to sped up.

He arrived in the span of 15 minutes from her phone call, panting and sweating, as well as nervous and panicking, scared to look at her face once she pulled up to the passenger’s side of his car. She raised an eyebrow before touching his bicep softly to distract him from his thoughts.

“Harry?” she asked. “Are you alright?”

“Uh- yeah, I’m okay,” he nodded quickly.

“You look pale and sweating,” she examined his face.

“I’m great, that’s just…my natural features,” he tumbled over his words. “Shall we go?”

“It’s okay if you’re not feeling good, I could just go home,” she looks at him with a concerned face.

There will be no way he will let her let out of his grasp. He was already in the edge of not getting her by forgetting the time, he won’t let her go home alone this time.

“I’m perfectly fine, we’ll go to one of my favorite restaurant,” he stated, the thought simply giving him a new pump of confidence.

“Oh, alright, we’ll go then,” she relaxed to the seat and buckled herself. He drives through the night glow of New York with Brooklyn Bridge and Miss. Liberty watching him. Watching quietly as Harry Styles trying his best to get the girl he dreamed of by picking up the rest of the pieces left about him in her that he already broke. And this city being the quiet paparazzi recording every step of him got the love of his life.

Ever since the date, he knew he will do anything to be with her.

///

He shifted in his sleep, making himself a little more comfortable, while scooting further to her arms. She wrapped her arms around his wide form graciously, mumbling something before inhaling his scent to soothe herself to go back to sleep.

They tangled together in her bed, sheets crumpling beneath their bodies. They didn’t need it anymore; each other’s warm presence was more than enough to keep them safe and sound in the summer night.

They have been official for a couple months now, 7 months to be precise, after him, being a nervous wreck having the courage to ask her to be his and his only. He was nervous, sweat covering his palm, and his voice trembling as he asks her. He doesn’t know how he did it, but he did end up driving home with her hand in his and a thin layer of her lipstick left on his lips. And when he got back to his own place, he screamed from the balcony to the busy road beneath, doesn’t even spare a glance at pedestrians looking up at him weirdly, or the fans started to clicking their cameras up secretly, or paparazzi recording him. In his mind, the world was just him and her.

His eyes flicker open, looking up to her, who sleeps peacefully. He stays there and just watching her breathing rhythm. He loves it when she got into peace like this, with no crease between her brows or an upset face painted on her beautiful face.

“Are you going to creepy stare at me forever or tell me what time it is?” she asked, her eyes still closed.

“Both, it’s around 1 in the morning darling,” he said sweetly, kissing her shoulder.

“Great! Now tell me everything you wanted to ramble on,” she said jokingly.

He knows she was joking, but he did anyways. He spoke up.

“I want babies, to cuddle! To squish their little chubby cheeks. How cute would that be? They will have green eyes and curly hair like I do, and they’ll have tiny smile that looks like yours! And we’ll squish their tiny faces and kiss them and we’ll spoil them with so much love and—and—and—Gucci!” he giggled after the word came out. Of course, Harry’s staple, Gucci, will be on the list of his babies.

“And we’ll put them in bear onesies I saw on Pinterest the other day! And we’ll paint the walls soft yellow, and we’ll get to cuddle them in our arms at night, and they will squirm in our arms, and when they wake up hungry in the middle of the night, I’ll come to them so you’ll sleep. And I can stop my work while they were little, could almost be packed in the suitcase I brought on tour! And when they got old enough, we’ll go around the world and they’ll meet a lot of people, will see the world in real life. And then…they’ll grow up,” he ended his ramble about babies in a sad face, realizing babies could grow up too, and they will not be so little anymore.

“And then, you’ll make more,” she ended the whole story for him.

“You? Why not— oh yeah, I’m sorry,” he looked down like a sad kitten. “We never talk about this before.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. We’ll be a little family, with babies like you want, yeah? Their little faces and cheeks, want to squish and kiss them already,” she fixed her words. He looked up at her again excitedly.

“And we’ll have kittens! Cute little fur balls in the couch!” he continued on.

He continues to talk about kittens. How cute they were, how many will they have, and how he will fed them.

“I love cats lots, but not as much as I love—” his eyes widen after he realized what he just said.

“I love…?” she didn’t have a single clue what he was about to say. And he was thankful for it. “Babies?” she guesses.

“No,” he shook his head.

“So…what?” she furrowed her eyebrows. “Working in the bakery?”

“You, I love you,” he finally decided to risk it all and said the three words that have been stuck in his mouth for the past months.

“I…Harry,” she said sternly.

“Yes?” he looked up at her like a scared kitten.

“Are you sure about those words?”

“With my whole heart, darling.”

“Like sure, sure?”

He nodded quietly.

“I love you, too,” she whispers right to his ears and kissed his pink lips.

His cheek and his nose flushed red. He couldn’t believe that he just did it.

Ever since that night, he knows he wants to spend evermore with her.

///

He was in LA again. Not staying in New York. It’s the fifth time he did it, with no preparation call, but just a quick text once he arrived. Leaving her confused for a moment before processing her boyfriend’s quick news. She was already living in his New York apartment he purchased for both of them, but he was barely there. At bright days, he spent it with his guitars, music, and studios, and at night he conquers the music industry concert. At weekends, he was busy to move around the world, too busy to text his girlfriend about his plan and whereabouts.

Today, she had enough of it. She stormed out of her class with angry fingers pressing the buttons of his number. Those all because he already sent the text ‘In LA babe, don’t wait x’. But who wants to wait for a week before he came back to NY, gave her a proper talk about his plan, and if he remembered about him having a girlfriend, plan on a date afterwards?

First call, doesn’t get answered. Second call, to voicemail after a few ringing. Third call, straight up to voicemail.

She grumbled beneath her breath, cursing, before trying again. On the last ring, he finally picks up.

“Hello, babe, have you gotten my text?” he asked.

“No, you come home tonight, or I’ll leave,” she said sternly. She doesn’t want to look scary by the people she met in the hallway, but her eyes says otherwise. But she didn’t care much. She cares about the fact that her lover just left her with a short text.

“Hey? What’s wrong with you?” his voice turned from bouncy and happy to a stern confused one.

“You’re the one that needed to be asked that way,” she scolded.

“Darling, I’m not going to be in the joke right now, I have some big stuff to do,” he frowned.

“OH, your girlfriend you just left in New York wasn’t a big stuff? Okay, don’t expect me to wait a week alone in that bloody apartment,” she huffed before hanging up as quick as possible, making sure she did it as he speak up explaining his problem.

He cursed underneath his breath when the call line got cut off. Jeff, reading his face, looked over.

“You okay, Harry?” he asked.

“Yeah, yeah, just…y/n acting up,” he mumbled.

Jeff didn’t answer, he just nodded before speaking to someone on the other end of his own phone call. While Harry tried his best to not thinking about his upset (and alone) lover back in New York, he just…failed miserably. At the time the clock strikes midnight, he gave up to his feelings and book a ticket back to New York.

He got into the plane at 3 AM, bouncy and a nervous wreck. He was scared of what might y/n does. Breaking up? Almost a bit dramatic, but doesn’t make it zero possibility. Mad at him? She does now. No need to wonder. Leave the house? She probably plan to right now. Driving at midnight and blasting sad songs in her car? Not Harry’s type, but hey, y/n is y/n. She could be doing that at this very moment. Getting drunk in a dive bar with her college friends? She was barely past drinking age, and she doesn’t like alcohol much, but everyone seeks comfort when they fight with their significant others right? Stress eating on McDonald’s drive thru or eating a tub of ice cream, crying over a random TV Show? It’s nothing bad compared to other possibilities, but he doesn’t want to know it was because of him. Because in each possibility, he imagined her crying and mad at the same time.

And when he dropped his bag at their apartment, the first view he saw wasn’t a crying y/n, an empty house, a drunk version of his girl, or a girl crying with an ice cream tub or McDonald’s packaging. Instead, she curled up into a ball in the sofa, must have been fallen asleep at some point at night, blanket messily covering her figures, and the TV playing a random bad TV Show. He went immediately soft by the sight in front of him, but he quickly remembered about his problem.

He didn’t want to wake her up and as bad as he wanted to curl up in the sofa and scooping her in his chest (because he know she won’t even think twice to push away whoever cuddle her without her knowing) so he went to the bathroom and cleaning up himself a little before moving to kitchen and made some coffee.

She woke up 30 minutes later, squinting at the light before fully aware of other people existence in the apartment. Her hazy mind translates it as a stranger, but once he dropped a pan and cursing, she knew it was Harry.

She pushed her feet against the carpet and walked towards the kitchen.

“Oh sorry, sweetheart, did I wake you?” he asked.

“Care to come home, Styles?” she didn’t even bother to say hi or answer his question.

“Love…I’m sorry,” he plead.

“No, no, that’s okay. I’m pretty fine alone here, with no company, and with my non-existence physically boyfriend,” she said sarcastically. “He was busy being a company to everyone until he forgot to be a company for his own girlfriend.”

“I wasn’t…I’m sorry, can’t you forgive me? I texted you, I let you know where I am,” he argued.

“That’s okay if you don’t,” she said before taking out her cup and filled it with water carelessly. “I’ve had enough of you anyway.”

It hits Harry harder than he thought it intended to be, so he grabbed her wrist and forced her to look at him, even with a disgusted expression.

And that night, they ended up cuddling on the couch and watching The Notebook with a huge tub of Haagen-Dazs in the middle of them. Half finished, with two scoops stuck out.

Ever since that day, he knew and promised he didn’t want to hurt her in anyway.

///

“Are you Mr. Harry…?” someone at the other end of his phone called.

“Who are you? What are you doing with her phone?” he asked aggressively. He felt sick since he woke up this morning, all he wanted was her to cuddle up against his chest.

“I’m Doctor Alex, and I’m from Brooklyn Hospital Center, are you Harry, sir?” he asked once more.

“What happened to her?” his heart sinks. He didn’t even confirm his name.

“I need you to calm down, sir,” the doctor finally gave up, assuming by himself who he was talking to was really the Harry in the girl’s emergency contact.

“What happened to my y/n?” he asked, rushing out of his bed, threw the comforter off his body.

“I’m sorry to inform you this, but you are the emergency contact in this phone. The girl, the owner of this phone, has been in an effective car crash. No relatives or friends with her during the accident,” the doctor explained briefly. “She’s in coma.”

Harry didn’t answer. His heart sinks, his soul felt like just left his body, his stomach dropped, he froze in place, he couldn’t believe the news, he didn’t want to. He wanted to wake up. Maybe this is just a bad dream, and when he woke up he still has her safely tucked in his arm, and smiling at him. And she will kiss his stubble as he stirs from sleeping, and they will stay like that for 15 minutes before the band called him and yelling from the other line about ‘discipline’ and ‘you lovebirds should’ve kept a clock to see the time’.

He hung up his phone as quick as he could and threw himself to his car.

He drove through New York City street in full speed. He doesn’t care about the laws he broke, how many tickets he will get once a police officer caught him. His mind got clouded by the doctor’s words. This time, Brooklyn Bridge and Lady Liberty watch him, not aiming for a girl’s love, but to aim a hope she will be his forever, not with a tie of marriage, but…he doesn’t even want to think about it anymore.

He parked his car messily and sprint to the front table.

“I’m Harry. Harry Styles. I’m…the girl in the car crash, I want to see her,” his mind can’t even form a perfect sentence.

“Sorry sir, who are you to her?” she asked.

“I’m her…her…boy-husband!” he almost yelled. The nurse knew he wasn’t even her fiancé, but from the panic in his voice, trembling frame, and a mess he is, she finally let him.

When he met her, she was inside a glass room, he wasn’t even get to be in the same room as her. He just watched her breathing heavily with an oxygen tank, the only thing that kept him believing she is alive is the beeping loud noise of machines stuck on her body. She looks miserable, bruises all over her body, casts on her arm, bandages, she looks so…fragile. He just wanted to scoop her up into a hug and kiss her, tell her she’s going to be okay, they’re going to have babies like they always dreamed of. They will have their first house, they will watch their babies grew up as much as he hated the fact that babies will get older one day, they will be old people in their 70s, but she will be the most beautiful girl he has ever seen in her 20s. But he can’t right now, and he felt helpless.

It has been almost 7 hours since he arrived and he doesn’t even spend a second take his eyes off of his girl. Nothing progresses much, but he knew she has to survive. So they could pursue their dreams together, just like they always talk about. At this point, all he wanted was for her to flicker her eyes open and look at him. And he will do the rest, he will pick her up whenever she wanted, he will kiss her, he will give her all the affection he has, he will give her all the love he has even until his heart bleed, he will hold her so tight so she will be always safe no matter the circumstances. He will do anything for her to just open her pretty eyes and look at him.

“If you aren’t going to eat something, you won’t be able to take care of her, um, later,” one of the nurses tap his shoulder. The crack of her end of sentence made Harry gulp down a lump in his throat. She knew her condition better than him. And he knew it, the crack on her word of ‘later’ doesn’t got missed by him. He nodded, the nurse’s words are true, she needed him to be okay.

So he took his time to go to the bathroom and wash his face, looking at the tiredness in his eyes, and he took some time to grab something from the cafeteria, a weird looking bread, looks like have been behind the glass display for ages, but he couldn’t care less. He shoves the bread to his mouth while running to get to her place.

“Sir, are you Harry?” a doctor rushing to his side. Suddenly he felt so empty. The panic in the doctor’s voice, his pale face, Harry doesn’t want to imagine what had happened to his girl.

“You might want to talk to her, she is going to be rolled to the operation room,” the doctor said.

Suddenly Harry felt weak in his knees. The bread feels like its going to threw itself out. He took masks and some weird gown the nurse handed him, and he rushed to her side. The beeping noises louder now he’s inside the room, but the only sound he could hear right now is her troubled heavy small breathing.

“Hi, darling,” he walked towards her with shaky limbs. “They- they said I could talk to you right now, I have weird feelings about it, but you are going to be fine. I- I will propose and we’ll have cute babies like we always talk about. I won’t leave your side again. We- we’ll have our happy ending.”

He kissed her cold fingers. It’s like the world were just the two of them again. No one around her. No weird beeping noise from the computer. No Harry Styles the popstar or y/n y/l/n the college girl. Suddenly they are just Harry and y/n again. Just both of them. In the room. y/n fighting for her life, and Harry, as helpless as he look like, helping her subconsciously.

“y/n, sweetheart, I don’t know if you could hear it, but I’ll be with you. I’ll be here, I’ll be by your side, you don’t have to be afraid, because your Harry will be here, honey. No matter how deep you fall, how hard the challenges, how hurt I will got, I’ll always be there for you. Your Harry will protect you, if it’s cold or hot, if it’s dark or bright, I’ll be by your side, kiss every single tears and cuts it will cause, and you don’t have to be afraid nor alone anymore. Because your Harry will be there for you. Always.”

And then he rolled out of the room. Out of Harry’s grasp, no matter how hard he tried to keep her close. She had gone to the room where her life will be on the thin border.

And Harry, with tired eyes and shaky breath, ran to the empty room outside the glass room and cried. Cried like he never did before. Cried until his tears dried. He dropped to his trembling knees.

“God, I-I know I barely talk to You. But this time…I beg You, please don’t let her taken away from me. I know she will be in no more pain, but I’m too selfish for it, I can’t live without her. I can’t function properly without her. I know I didn’t treat her the best before, but give me a second chance to take care of her. To smell her scent again, to kiss her hairline, brush her hair, give her all I could give, give her all the comfort she needed, give her all my love until my heart bleed. Just…give me one more chance, and I will treat her better,” his shaky voice somehow formed a proper sentence. His cheek wet with stained tears. His breath hitched. His chest felt heavy. He doesn’t even know who he is, when his girl still in the room. “Let me take one more chance to call her mine,” he let out a hitched scream.

After a long waiting and more tears spilled, when the clock told him it was 9 PM, she rolled out of the operating room. He jolted up. Indistinct chatter makes his head felt dizzy. But his main focus was her on the bed.

“Is she okay? What happened?” he could hear his voice yelling those to the medical workers, but he doesn’t even remember saying that.

“Sir, you need to calm down,” a voice called.

“No, no, I don’t need to calm down. I need to know if she’s okay!” he screamed.

“Sir, you have to,” the voice called again.

“Tell me what happened to her, tell me if she’s okay!” he yelled once more.

“Sir, take a deep breath and you’ll get to meet her,” the sentence made him stopped and slowly turned around. His eyes begging for explanation.

“Tell me how she is,” he whispered brokenly.

“She’s…you might want to see her, she might want you to talk to her,” the lady doesn’t even told him how she’s doing. And he knew it. He has only a few percent chance to have her wrapped back in his arms. And only God will gave him it.

The lady (soon he realized she is a nurse), lead him into a room. Not a glass room like she used to be placed, but a more private room, but it doesn’t make him feel any better because she was limp on the bed.

He walked in with shaking legs. The door closed behind him, and his knees gave up. He dropped to the cold floor of the hospital and cried for God knows how many times he had cried. His voice cracked. “Give me one more chance to love her again.”

[teeth-and-tea]

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

[whosaskingwrites]

Forget You (Kuroo x Reader)

A/N: This one is told entirely from Kuroos pov except for the very beginning. Because, Reader's pov wouldn't have been sad. As she doesn't remember him by the time they see eachother again. Edit: Y'all deadass let me not have the theme in here since the 24th. The theme has been added as of the 29th.

WARNINGS: None really? Angst Kuroo is a sad boy. Tooth rotting fluff from Bokuto i guess if that counts as a warning. Kuroo yells at you in the beginning.

Date: Saturday October 24th, 2020

Details: 5.5 pages 2,040 words

Theme: Stranger- when you get heartbroken you have the option of forgetting the person who caused the heart break as long as you say the word stranger with enough conviction while thinking about the person you want to forget.

Angst masterlist

“I can’t fucking stand you! Why are you so Goddamn annoying!” I took a step back as I looked at Kuroo “All I asked was to meet your friends! Since you talk about them all the time!” I yelled back. I didn’t know what had made him so mad we had been dating for six months having been roommates previously.

“And I told you no so why didn’t you accept that?” I shook my head “Actually you just started yelling at me-" “God see! You always have to be fucking right about everything!” I flinched as his voice raised more “You know what? Get the fuck out,” I looked up at him “w-what?” I voiced “Get your shit and get out I don’t wanna see you again. I’m breaking up with you,” My other roommate Kenma had finally come out of his room at that “Hey Kuroo-" I held up my hand to stop Kenma “No…its okay i-i'll leave but I’m leaving my stuff here until I have a new place. Kenma I leave it in your care,” my voice was shaky as I turned.

“Y/n…,” I shook my head at Kenma “I…I’ll see you later Kenma. Kuroo,” I turned a glare on him to see he was already glaring at me “I hope I never fucking see you again,” I turned on my heel leaving the apartment with heavy footsteps. It was sunset and my feet carried me to the trains I took a random one and let my feet carry me as I ended up at park. I had no idea where I was but I couldn’t find myself to care as I cried.

I wiped my tears slightly thinking about Kuroo and I knew then I didn’t want him to occupy my thoughts anymore. I looked at the sunset and focused before saying the word with as much conviction and venom as I could muster. “Stranger,” I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes.

More tears leaked out of my eyes when I recalled my roommate Kenma had kicked me out of our apartment. “Where am I?” I whispered sighing as I realized my phone was dead.

“Excuse me…Are you okay?” I turned my head looking at a guy who stood next to the bench. He had what appeared to be silver and black hair his head tilted slightly to the side casting half his face in the dying sunlight. I vaguely noticed that his eyes were gold and seemed to glow despite no light being cast on them. “I…I think so?” I voiced as I looked back at him.

“You think so? Why are you crying in the park then?” He got closer and sat on the other side of the bench. “My roommate kicked me out of our apartment and my phone is dead so…,” I looked away as he hummed “Um…You could stay at my place,” I turned back to look at him with wide eyes. “I don’t even know your name and you’re asking me to stay at your place? Do you know that makes you sound like a serial killer?” He laughed suddenly eyes crinkling in mirth.

“Sorry I’ve been told I’m too nice by my teammates. Im Bokuto Koutarou,” He held out a hand giving me a smile. I took his hand and mirrored the smile “Y/n L/n. You’re on a sports team?” His smile widened suddenly and in his excitement he pulled me closer still holding onto my hand “Yeah! Volleyball I play for the MSBY Black Jackals,” he puffed his chest with a sense of pride causing me to laugh.

“Volleyball huh? Sounds like fun,” He nodded rapidly “It is! You should come to one of my games- ah sorry! I’ve been talking about me when you’re the one who’s sad,” I shook my head with a smile as he let go of my hands eyes wide in panic “Its okay. I’m not sad anymore but I think I will take you up on that offer as long as you promise not to hurt me,” I held up my pinky towards him giggling lightly.

He smiled widely hooking his pinky with my own “I promise. This will be the best adventure of your life,” I nodded at him “I’ll hold you too that Bokuto,” He chuckled at me

“Deal Y/n,”

Two years.

It had been two years since I’d seen the love of my life. I regretted it everyday since our argument and Kenma never made me feel better about it. “No she never talks about you or asks. And I don’t bring you up,” was the last thing he told me when I asked about her. I never meant to yell or kick her out and I’d never forgiven myself for it. She had blocked my number fairly quickly and Kenma never told me where she was.

“Hey Kuroo pay attention to the game,” Kenma voiced causing me to zone back in and stop thinking about Y/n. I sighed “Why are we even here?” I asked watching Bokuto preform a cross-shot that had the audience screaming. “Bokuto said he wanted to say something and he wanted all of us there,” I shrugged “He’s probably just gonna tell us that he’s got a spot on the Japanese Olympics team,” I sighed out while Kenma clicked his tounge. “Sure…,” I looked at him “Kenma do you know something I don’t?” Before he could answer the whistle blew announcing the Black Jackals as the winners of the match.

Kenma stood “Let’s go congratulate them,” I stood with him as he walked off “Hey you didn’t answer the question!” He kept a quick pace ahead of me while I followed. We stepped onto the court Kenma immediately going to Hinata I couldn’t see Bokuto but my eyes caught sight of a familiar face standing by the Miya twins. She laughed at something Atsumu said and laughed harder when Osamu added something that caused Atsumu to glare at him.

I gasped as I looked at her she looked just as beautiful as she did the last time I saw her. H/l h/c hair cascaded down her back her e/c eyes sparkled brightly like gems she wore a Black Jackals jersey and a pair of jeans both of which hugged her figure in just the right way. I let my feet carry me towards her knowing I needed to apologize. I didn’t know why she was here but Kenma probably invited her so I could see her.

“Y/n!” I called when I was close enough she turned her eyes meeting mine. I expected many emotions to pass her face in all the times I pictured seeing her again. Anger, sadness, happiness, etc. But confusion was never one that crossed my mind. “I’m sorry…Do I know you?” she asked causing my eyes to widen in shock. “No…You couldn’t have…,” I voiced quietly. She stared at me offering a slight smile but nowhere in her expression did I see any form of recognition. And I knew then she had forgotten me entirely.

I smiled back realizing I could start over with her “Sorry I’m Kuroo Tetsuro…You’re very beautiful,” her face turned pink slightly and the Miya twins laughed. Suddenly I saw familiarity light up her eyes and I smiled thinking she remembered me. “Oh! I know you! You’re the friend that Kou always wants me to meet! He gets so sad everytime you blow him off,” she frowned slightly at the end. Causing me to frown as I realized she really didn’t remember. But I also frowned at the name it was vaguely familiar though I couldn’t place where. “Kou?” I mumbled quietly to myself.

“Excuse me! Can I have everyone’s attention?” the gym quieted down everyone knew Bokuto was announcing something so most of the audience had stayed to listen. We all turned to the source of the voice and I noted that he looked beyond nervous for whatever he planned to say.

“I’d like for my beautiful girlfriend to come here,” The twins suddenly shoved Y/n forward causing her to stumble a bit but she walked forward anyway. I froze as the name connected in my mind on why its so familiar 'Kou…Koutarou' 'She calls me Kou and its so cute!' I saw her stop next to him and they smiled at each other “Oh fuck,” I whispered to myself as Kenma slid over. Bokuto was fidgeting slightly and rocking on the balls of his feet a telling sign that he was anxious.

“I’ve got something to say and I’ve thought about it for awhile,” he sent a reassuring smile at her when he noticed she looked nervous. He took a deep breath before continuing “Two years ago I found you crying in a park. I remember you told me that your roommate kicked you out and you called me a serial killer,” she turned red as he and others laughed.

I realized then that the day they met was the same day we broke up. “I took a leap of faith that day and told you that you could stay with me even though I had no reason to,” He chucked lightly at the pink dusting her cheeks “At the time I never would predicted that by the six month mark I would have fallen in love with you,” I frowned at the collective aw leaving the audiences mouths. 'That should be me' I thought as I watched the two of them.

“And after a year and a half I’ve decided that I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I want to wake up with you next to me, I want to laugh at everything and nothing with you, I want to spend nights with you wrapped in my arms as we talk about whatever comes to mind,” a pink flush had taken over his face and from behind me I heard a sniffle.

“Tsumu are you crying?” I heard “Shut the fuck up Samu,” Kenma snorted next to me at the twins. “I want these things because I’m so completely and Irrevocably in love with you so…,” I watched Bokutos eyes flicker to Akaashi who nodded at him. He dropped to one knee and everything became a buzz as I zoned in on Y/n the audience gasping was barely audible to me as I watched her cover her mouth with her hand her eyes were bright and glassy and every fiber of my being screamed at me to stop this. ‘Get her back! Stop him!’ my mind screamed. I couldn’t move though I was frozen on the spot feeling like id just been doused with freezing cold water.

“Will you do me the honor of continuing this adventure and marry me?” I could hear Bokuto but it sounded so distant to me. ‘No! Say no!’ My mind screamed louder but I felt my heart crack as she nodded in response. He got back up to wrap his arms around her picking her up he spun her around a few times and buried his face in the crook of her neck pressing light kisses to her shoulder.

‘Get away from her!’ I shook my head as I watched him slip a silver band on her finger. I caught sight of the f/c gem attached to it. It was surrounded by small yellow gems that matched Bokuto's eyes. He kissed her cheek as everyone cheered and congratulated them. She pulled back pulling out a small envelope and pressing it into his hands. He looked at her and opened it before his eyes lit up even more. He whispered something to her to which she nodded at. His excitement couldn’t be contained as he picked her up again “I’m gonna be a dad!” He didn’t need the mic this time plenty loud enough without it but it reignited the audience’s excitement as they screamed again.

He placed her down wrapping an arm around her waist and finally I watched my entire world shatter and heart crumble as the love of my life kissed her fiancé and father of her children.

‘That should have been me'

————————————————————————

TAGLIST: @wonhomarshmallow

[yuulina-vre]

Gifting you a new life

Trouble

Pairing: Steve x Bucky, Reader insert

Warnings: Mild angst

word count: 2388 words

Part: Five

Summery: Y/N get’s a letter that is upsetting and bringing up some part of her life she rather forget. Steve get’s to know Bucky.

Masterlist

* * *

Y/N stands in the kitchen, envelops and newspaper in hand, sorting them. Steve’s looking through the shelves, probably hunting for some snack before Bucky will arrive in two hours or so. It’s quiet, content. A truly normal, but peaceful Saturday evening. It takes her a minute until she has sorted the envelopes for bills, Steve’s, and her own letters. Then she dins it. The envelope in her hand is yellow, not the ordinary white. The address is scribbled per hand with crooked and smeared lines. Handwritten. She can’t shake the feeling of knowing this handwriting but there’s no picture to it. She just knows that it’s familiar. And it's not the first this week. She rips it open and reads it over, stopping shortly and frowning before reading it again and again. Suddenly she feels confused, unsure, and maybe a little bit angry. It only makes her angrier the longer she reads the words, sees the handwriting and the name on the end. She makes a noise between a sigh and a grunt which makes Steve turn away from the cereals and faces her. “What are you looking at?” She startles, looks up at him, and folds the paper to shove it back in the envelope. “Just a letter from my Mom. Nothing important.” It’s a lie. The letters not from her mom or dad, not from any of her friends. But if she tells Steve who’s letter it is then he will get worried. She doesn’t want him to worry, not today. Never if possible. Especially not when he’s going to finally get to know a potential love interest, maybe even getting himself a ate and something from his dad back. Steve frowns at her and comes closer. “And that makes you sigh like you want to punch the wall and cry at the same time.” Y/N cringes a bit and quickly searches for a new excuse. “Wasn’t a really good letter.”

“Is your dad okay? He was sick, right?”

“Yeah, he’s fine. Out of hospital and refusing to rest like always.” She smiles at him and stuffs the envelope in her bag. “What are you doing here anyway? We're supposed to eat dinner in two hours.” Steve raises his eyebrows and looks at the clock on the wall. “It’s half-past four. I’m starving now and Bucky won’t be here before six.” Bucky and Steve had texted on and off yesterday after the grocery store. Steve finally able to talk to him after having met him properly. Bucky had told him when he’s going to come over and that he will bring beer for the game. Also asking a lot of questions relating to dinner, bringing something else and all that. Y/N found it endearing but slightly annoying the Steve didn’t even listen to her rambling about Tony’s plans for the next school year. “Right.” Steve shrugs at her but studies her face. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” She curses herself lightly. The answer was way too rushed, maybe even a bit too fast. “I mean… I – I didn’t decide on what to make for dessert, yet. And I have to call Tony because of next year’s schedule and my classes. We didn’t get everything finished yesterday.”

“Can’t it wait until Monday?”

“I- I rather have it sorted out today. I’ll be quick, I promise.” It’s not all true but true enough. He had met Tony yesterday between classes, talked to him about peter and some of her classes for the next year, and listened to his ideas. She had some lingering questions but nothing that can’t wait until Monday. She somehow feels pressured to lie to Steve, when in reality there’s no real reason to do so. “Okay.” Steve stretches the last letter, not quite believing her, his eyes falling on the letter in her hand again. It’s clear to see that Steve wants to say something else but holds himself back, probably sensing that she won’t answer him anyway. Y/N sighs and puts the letter down, looking at Steve. “I’m alright. I promise. How about, instead of filling your stomach with things that won’t do anything for your hunger, you go upstairs and find something to wear?”

“Why?”

“Are you really going to meet Bucky in your paint speckled shirt and dirty sweatpants?” She scoffs a little, looking him up and down with a frown. Steve looks down on himself. “Right, Not really… nice.”

“Not really, no.”

“Okay, okay. I’m going to shower and redress. Call me if you need help.”

“With what? I can’t really have the kitchen burning because you tried to boil water.”

“That was one time and the kitchen didn’t burn!”

“It almost did!” She laughs at Steve’s red face and watches him grumbling leave the kitchen. She looks after Steve for a moment longer before her gaze switches back to the letter on the table. “When will you finally leave me alone?” She walks into the living room and to her smartphone on the coffee table, picking it up and looking through her contact until she finds the Stark-Potts contact and pressing on the calling button. It rings a few times, time enough for Y/N to get a little lost on her thoughts. Her nerves are almost frayed with fear. She doesn’t want to think back at her relationship with Rumlow. It was one of her worst mistakes she ever made and apparently, he has not forgotten about her. He keeps popping up in her life, mostly when she believes she finally left him behind her. In her old life. As if he wants to remind her that he’s still there and still waiting for her to realize that she belongs to him and forever will.

“Stark-Potts. Here is Pepper.” Pepper's words rip her out of her memories of an old life, almost making her flinch. “Oh Pepper, here’s Y/N. Is Tony there? And right now?” Who knows which business the rich man tends to in his free time. “He has a video conference in ten minutes, when you make it wick then I can fetch him for you.”

“Please.” She nods despite Pepper not being able to see it and sits down on the couch, fussing with her free hand on one of the pillows Steve brought in a thrift shop. She hates the thing and still suspects that Steve brought it to annoy her. But he seems to genuinely like it so she allowed the ugly piece of brown fabric to stay. “Are you okay? You sound upset.” She can hear Pepper walking through their house. “He’s back, Pepper.” Her voice is dry, hoarse. Empty. “Who?”

“Brock.”

“Oh my god. Alright. I make sure you two have time talking.” Y/N nods and turns around to make sure Steve’s still upstairs and won’t catch a word of what she’s going to discuss with Tony. She doesn’t have to wait long. She hears some muffled voices, some rustling, and then there’s Tony’s voice, playful and quirky as always. “Y/N! My favorite person in the whole world, after Pepper, of course. You’re saving me from one of the most boring calls I have to witness this week.” She can practically see the grin plastered on his face and if she wouldn’t feel so bad it would infect her just right now and she would laugh or snort, send a remark back and make a joke or something. But right now, it just makes her feel sick. “Tony.” Her throat feels dry. She has the feeling that a lump has embedded itself in her windpipe, catching the air she needs and forcing it back out. The letter, still lying on the dining table seems to bore itself in her head. Would it be a person, its eyes would send glares at her, boring her with deep red and evil eyes, a devilish grin on its lips, and a mocking look all over its face. “What’s wrong? Fighting with Steve?” Y/N takes a deep breath. Her eyes gliding back to the offending piece of paper on the table in the kitchen. She can see the writing in her inner eye, doesn’t even need to look at it. It’s as if it burned the words in her brain. “Y/N? Pepper’s looking worried so I assume she knows what’s up. Do we need to come over?” 

“No! No. I…” She sighs, frustrated with herself for letting a letter, or several over the past week, get herself lose control “I got a letter.”

“Okay.”

“From… him.” There’s silence for a second before she hears a sound that could be a groan, a scoff, or something entirely different. “Brock Rumlow again. I didn’t expect him to come back so soon.” Knowing that several expressions run over his face right now she sighs and falls back on the couch. Anger is probably the most dominant emotion for tony right now and she knows, if Steve knew, he would be furious right now. Not at her for hiding it but for Brock to even trying to get back in contact with her. “What do I do now?” Y/N’s voice is filled with fear and she knows it trembles. “What if he comes?” 

“Does he know where you work?”

“I-I don’t know. But Tony! He knows where I live. I move d four times and he still found me. How difficult can it be to find out where I work?” Y/N shakes her head. “He never went to this house with me. If he didn’t follow me then he shouldn’t know about it and now that he does…. I don’t feel safe, Tony.”

“Does Steve know?”

“No! Dear god, Tony. I can’t tell him. He’s finally getting on his feet, even found someone to flirt with. I-I can’t bring him up. Not now.”

“Okay.” Y/N can hear Tony pace around his office. He’s mumbling some things she can understand. Then she hears him talking silently to someone. “Happy. Take Jarvis and Pietro on Monday and secure the gate. No strangers are allowed to enter coming next week. No, that’s not a joke. Students have to show their Student ID, otherwise, they won’t enter… Who? When?” Y/N starts nibbling on her lower lip and startle a little as she hears the stairs behind her creak. She turns around to see Steve enter the living room with a smile, turning to show off his beige khakis and his light blue button-up. He raises an eyebrow as if to ask if he looks better and Y/N just nods. The Steve mouths ‘Still Tony?’ And she nods again while Steve rolls his eyes and walks into the kitchen. “Y/N? You still there?” She twitches a little and stumbles over her own words. “Y-yeah. I-I’m here.”

“Do you know a brunette man with long hair and silver hand?”

“I-I don’t think so. Why?”

“There was someone in school on Thursday, asking for Steve.” A silent ‘o’ forms on her mouth, thinking of the only person that might have been asking for the blonde. Wait, he has a metal arm? “That- That could have been James Barnes. Pepper might remember him. He’s from the military. He has something from Steve’s dad.” She hears Tony asking pepper and her answering, though, she can’t really make out any words. “He was okay, Happy. Though, don’t let anyone in without informing me. I send you a picture of a man who’s not even allowed to be near the school. Make sure we don’t even catch a glimpse of him.” Steve comes back in, toast in his mouth and crackers in hand, flopping down beside her and holding the crackers up. Y/N shakes her head at the offer, watching him shrug. There’s an itch in her body to lean over, lie her head on his shoulder and cry for the rest of the day, bathing in her misery. “Okay, Y/N, Happy’s taking care of the school. Do you need something else?”

“No, I-I guess not.” There’s silence in the line for a moment before she hears Tony sigh. “Y/N. You know I would never let him near you. Not at school anyway. I will do everything I can. I can’t protect you at home but you know you can call me if somethings up, no matter how late. And you have Steve there, too. Think about telling him. It might be good to have him know. Rumlow is an asshole and Steve hates him more than I do. You should tell him because we both know he would want to know.” Y/N shakes her head with a deep breath. “Alright.” The air leaves her body and she finally leans over to Steve, resting her head on his shoulder with closed eyes. She can feel the man shift a little, draping his arm around her shoulders, planting a kiss to her temple before going back to his toast and crackers. “Pep’s getting pepper spray for you. Though, I could give her to you. She’s better than any spray available.” Y/N snorts a small smile before she shakes her head. “No, I think I’m good for the moment. Thank you, Tony.”

“No problem, but remember to tell me if somethings up. And better don’t go home alone. Let Steve drive you or something.”

“I will.” She smiles again and then says goodbye, putting the phone down in her lap and listening to Steve’s munching. She’s not sure if she will be alright, though. She really doesn’t want to see Brock again and certainly not at her workplace. She doesn’t really pay attention to what’s going on and just as Steve moves does she look over to him. He has turned a little to face her. His face is filled with concern, maybe shock, too, and his hands are hovering over her, crackers abandoned on the coffee table. “Everything good? You’re crying.” Startled she lifts her hand to her cheek, making a surprised noise. Is brock already making her that out of her mind that she doesn’t even notice when she’s crying?

“Y-yeah, don’t know why.” She laughs a little, feeling like crying even more now. “Let’s get this dinner ready, yeah?” She whips her eyes once more and lifts herself from the couch, matching into the kitchen, successfully ending the conversation and escaping any questions that would come for the moment.

Previous Part / Next Part

[xserpentlife]

Care *Smut*

Requested: Kinda, mentioned this yesterday, started as a request but when elsewhere. Orig Request here: Hey hun ease can I have a ddlg little girl smut imagine with sweetpea or fp jones not bothered which where I have been a brat all day and he punishes me thanks so much xx.

A/N: This was created and I accidently went somewhere other than the request, I am also using this as one of the bingo spots on my card: Aftercare. 

Warnings: Smut

Word Count: 2339

There was something off with you today and Sweet Pea could tell from the start. First it was waking you up, you didn’t want to, which was not much different than usual, however, this time you actually cried and Pea didn’t know what to do. You weren’t in pain, you weren’t going through anything really. He just held you while you cried and then eventually got you dressed and to school.

Finally at school when pulling in the drive you began to calm down.

“Wanna tell me what that was about?”

“I dunno, Daddy.”

Another odd thing to add to the list for the day. You were his little girl, mostly only in bed though, and once in a while after play when you slipped into little space. It was very, very odd and concerned him that you were calling him daddy in a non sexual manner while at school. You were often a brat in public, using daddy to turn him on, but this was entirely different.

“Baby girl talk to me”

“Gotta school daddy”

“Be a good girl in class and don’t say anything okay, I’ll see you during free hour”

“Okay daddy” you kissed him on the cheek something you always did while in little space

He was afraid you’d get found out, your kink and little space would be exposed and it would put you in even more of a rut. See no one really knew of yours and Peas' relationship except one or two people. You keep it secret, it is deeply personal. You went through a lot of trauma, falling into little space is your way of dealing with stress and hard times, he could usually make it better pretty quick but this time he had no idea why you fell into little space so hard and so quick. I mean you had both been busy the past few days. Not seeing much of each other than in passing and at night when falling asleep, but you never hid anything from him, and you hadn’t mentioned anything bad at all, so the fact you slipped without him knowing or detecting it made him so upset with himself. He knew he shouldn’t have sent you into class, but you had a test you absolutely could not miss and he was hoping you’d be okay alone. He has learned that when in little space you cling to him like a bear. Turning to your little side is your safe space, but without Pea there would be none of that at all. He is like the base to your tower.

The class could not have ended faster for him, he needed to see you and make sure you were all right. He always waited for you by the lockers. He watched and waited but hadn’t found you. He walked to your classroom and saw the teacher yelling at you. He walked in, not caring about anything in the world, plus he didn’t have this teacher for math. But saw you crying eyes watering red and puffy.

“What the fuck is going on”

“None of your business son, you can’t just barge in my classroom like that”

“I can damn well barge in here when your yelling and up in a girls face for no goddamn reason sir, plus no one fucking talks to my girlfriend like that I don’t care if you’re her teacher or not. You can speak to her on monday” Pea dragged you out of the room, grabbing your hand in the process. Tears still streaming down your face he brought you to a corner in the rec room, thankfully no one was in there, because your friends are usually the only ones there and they were all in class except fangs, but he was with Kevin. All you did was cry as he sat you down, no words coming out of your mouth. He loved you so goddamn much and seeing you cry was always a struggle for him.

“Princess you gotta talk to me or I can’t fix it or at least try to make it better” You shook your head pouting up at him

“Baby c’mon please whyd id he yell at you”

“Said… said i was bad at math and, and then he...” you started balling again.

“He got bad at me cause I got done early and it was so bad, but he, he got mad also cause I got done early and drew on my paper. I don’t get it daddy you always say I can draw!”

“Baby you didn’t do anything wrong”

“He… he yelled yes I did daddy he got mad. Was my drawing not good daddy”

“Im sure it was perfect aby, but sometimes there are things we just can’t draw on”

“Wanted to color but no pages, thought I could make a pretty picture but…” You cried one again Fangs walking into the room Pea glancing back at him.

Fangs found out you had a little space when he had walked into the trailer one day completely beat up and you were coloring on the floor while pea ran to the store.

*Flashback*

“Pea I need… Y/N?” HE saw you sitting on the floor onesie on coloring away on a giant page.

“Hi Fangsy, come color, Fangsy color, pleaseeeeeee”

“Y/N I need you to patch me up”

“I, Uh… fangsy hurt?

“Yeah, can you get me ice and a bandage?”

“Mhm, '' you nodded walking over to the freezer, grabbing the ice before heading to the bathroom and bringing it all back over to fangs. You leaned down pacci hanging from your shirt.

Pea walked in then starting fangs down when he walked through the door.

“What the fuck Fangs!”

“Sorry bro im hurt, I just walked in I didn’t”

“Don't yell daddy! Fangsy hurts”

“Sorry baby girl, can you go into the bedroom and i'll be in, in a minuted”

“You nodded kissing him before walking off to the bedroom” That was the night Fangs learned about your little space. It only made sense he would find out. Him and Pea were always together, so that means you are always there too. SOmetimes you were good at suppressing it, and hiding it but other times it wasn’t so easy. Fangs didn’t necessarily get it at least not at first, neither did pea, but they both supported and were there for you entirely . Fangs was a good support system and closest to Pea, meaning when Pea couldn’t be there, he was.

*end flashback*

“Aww pretty lady why you crying” If pea couldn't calm you down, fangs would come in making you laugh and forget about it.

“Bruce didn’t like my picture”

“Well that means an old man is just an ass hat, I bet your picture was absolutely stunning. Just like its creator, a true artist”

“I not that good”

“Mhm you sure are, i think you should draw me a picture for my apartment, could you do that?”

“Mhm” you nodded your head smiling. Fangs got you distracted long enough to stop crying and calm down some.

“Baby girl yo okay now” you nodded your head slightly still clinging onto him “baby we gotta get to class…”

“Wanna go home”

“Baby we..”

“Want home Pea, need you… please, wanna forget” he knew exactly what it meant. Sometimes you wanted to color, have food made for you, a bath run with pea in it, and other times you wanted him and only him, not just cuddling you want more.

“Okay, let’s go...” He didn’t hesitate, he knew what you needed. In that moment he knew everything.

He tried letting you go to stand up but you didn’t want to. You clung onto him like a bear in the wild. You loved Pea, you needed Pea in more ways than you could even explain. Fangs grabbed the keys from his pocked and unlocked the truck as Pea placed you in.

“Thanks bro”

“She gonna be okay”

“Mhm she’ll be fine just needs some time today to decompress”

“Okay, I know you got her but call if you need anything, and i'll cover for you in class”

“Always bro, and thanks again”

You got to his trailer as he led you to the bedroom sitting you down slowly. He grabbed the silk ties from the bottom drawer slowly kissing along you wrists as he tied them together.

“Baby are you sure”

“Yes daddy want you”

“Okay Princess but you know your safe word right?”

“Mhm..”

“Can you tell me?”

“Avacadoooo” He chuckled to himself lightly remembering back ot the time that you created the safeword. You thought it was so funny because the first time you used it he wasn’t hurting you at all, but you were so overpleasured you couldn’t go on, out you screamed avacadooooo as both you and him simalteanosly ignished. Its one of his funnies and best memories of the two of you.

By now, the amount of times you had been together he could read you like a book. The emaming of every movement the change in tone of every breath sound, he knew ever bit and piece of you, and your life and you wouldn’t have it any other way”

“Good girl” he began tying your hands to the bedpost.

“Want you to fuck me hard daddy, wnat to hurt, want to forget” when you were so subby that you slipped into little space forhours you wouldn’t always know what you needed or wanted. Pea knew you didn’t need to be fucked you needed love.

“You ready baby”

“Yes daddy”

You felt his body press lightly onto your own, he began kissing you, heading up to your neck, probably one of your weakest spots.

“Daddy not fair, you have your clothes on”

“Wanna take them off princess” You pouted up at him, you couldn’t you were tied.

“Well guess they stay on” You began to whimper eyes filling slightly

“Hey hey princess no crying tonight okay, want you happy”

“Always happy with you daddy” He took of his clothes bringing his body to yours once again. His cock already hard. You atche dhim come up to you, his lips ghosting over your own. HIs tip tickled over your entrance as you whimpered for more. He began thrusting slow short at first, then deeper as he went. The quicker they got the more you moaned. His hand found its way up to your neck, a firm grip, your breath halting for a moment. The feeling arousing you to no end. You felt your orgasm building.

“You like that princess”

“Yes daddy” he untied your wrists with a pull, your arms making there way around his neck as he thrusted into you . Head in the crook of his neck you moaned out.

“Daddy I can’t”

“Gonna cum for me princess”

“Mhm, yes fuck daddy”

“Fuck.” He cried out. CUmming  as you came, eyes rolling back into your head he watched you come undone. YOu let out a loud moan of his name, as you felt his hand tighten by accident a second wave of pleasure passed through the both of you. He kissed you on the lips as he laid down next to you, pulling you to his chest. Your breathing remained heavy, your orgasm being one of the stronger ones you've had with pea.

“I didn’t hurt you did I?” Worry overcame him. He never wanted to hurt you. He never wanted to be that guy. He always made sure to protect you, always made sure to make sure that you were okay.

“No you didn’t daddy” you smiled, your eyes fluttering shut as his lips pressed to your forehead.

“I’m gonna run your bath and get you water okay” being with someone for so long helped you realize what they needed after certain things. For you water was number one. A bath always comes second due to the ties and your skin. Luckli silk helped you not get hurt, but it still could leave marks especially with how hard you pull to get away.

He came back and moved the blanket off you watching his release drip out of you. He picked you up placing you in the warm water, before slipping in behind you. You whimpered as you felt him lean you back against him, your hands touching the water and the little marks stinging. It was not a pain you didn’t like. It was nothing that Pea did, everything he did was perfect, but it always made him upset.

“Baby i’m”

“No… don’t apologize, I needed it, thankyou” He leaned down kissing your shoulder blade. You both sat in the water till it became colder. Your eyes began to get heavy. He stepped out watching you shiver from the cold air, as his body heat was removed from your skin. He helped you stand up legs still weak from the session. He grabbed your lotion and helped you over to the bed to lay you down and apply it to you.

“Wanna sleep”

“No baby, not yet or at least lay down so I can cover you in your lotion okay” You laid down, as his hands casted their way over your skin you began to fall asleep, him talking as you closed your eyes. The blanket soon made its way over you, his body coming to touch your back, “I love you” You felt a kiss to your head before you fell into a sweet darkness. Waking up the next day you were better than you had been a while. You thanked him with morning kisses, getting dressed and ready for the day as you both went to Pops for breakfast. He was your rock, your night, the light in the darkness you felt, and he’d always be there.

[tangledstarlight]

julie’s ready for a year away from home, studying and trying to refind the magic in music. luke’s about to start on a summer tour around europe opening for a band. they meet one night, sparks fly and emotions run hight. now they’ve just got to try and see if they can maintain a long distance friendship.

days go by and seasons change (lets try again next winter)

trigger warnings!! alcohol and swearing and mentions of blood via food

also on ao3 –– [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | extras 1 & 2 ]

spring

“I still can’t believe you didn’t kiss him,” Flynn’s voice echoes through her phone where it’s propped against a book of Shakespeare’s poems and being stopped from sliding down her desk by her half eaten sandwich. Which hadn't been her best plan, because she was starving and now her sandwich was employed elsewhere.

“I’m not just going to kiss a random guy a met once,” she can see Flynn opening her mouth with a retort so jumps in to add, “I like him, yes, but I’d rather have him as a friend then an awkward one night stand situation that’s made even more awkward when I eventually run into him again because one of his bandmates is Carrie’s cousin.”

It all seems perfectly logical to her. Luke was cute, yes. And sure, she’d wanted to kiss him, but if it came down to one kiss or a new friendship? She was going to choose friendship. They’d connected more in one night then she’d connected with anyone in years. They got each other.

(What Julie hadn’t told Flynn or Carrie or anyone, was about the deal they had made. About how if by December, when she was wrapping up her year in England and they were finishing with their album and they were still talking, still felt the same, they’d try.

Julie didn’t mention it to anyone, barely even liked to think about it herself because she didn’t want to jinx it, didn’t want to spend time wondering what might happen when they tried. What trying even meant.)

“So you’re going to be friends?”

It’s pretty impressive, Julie thinks, how Flynn can convey her utter disbelief and amusement via a single eyebrow raise on a slightly blurry and pixelated facetime call. Maybe it’s the years of friendship that means Julie knows what she’s not saying or maybe it’s just Flynn’s power. Either way it has her pushing her laptop away with a sigh and picking up her phone. Scooping her sandwich up with her other hand. 

“Yes, we’re going to be friends. We can be friends. Do you not think we can be friends?” Julie furrows her brows, both in concern and how many times she’s said the word ‘friends’ in one breath.

“Of course I think you can be friends! He’d be lucky to be your friend, you’re amazing,” Flynn is quick with her reassurance, but Julie can tell there’s a ‘but’ coming and braces herself for impact. “But. The two of you spent practically the whole night together and have spent pretty much every day since talking. Plus, you’d have to be pretty blind to miss the way he was looking at you in the least friend way possible.”

Julie really hoped that the wifi connection was bad enough to hide the blush she could feel heating her cheeks at the reminder of the way Luke had looked at her. She had never really understood what books meant by ‘intensity of their stare’ before, but she was pretty sure it was whatever Luke was doing with his face and his eyes, somehow he could even do it through a facetime call. Personally, she thinks it should be illegal. His whole face. Banned. Fined every time he looked like he looked.

“Yeah, well,” Julie swallowed, tucking hair behind her ear for something to do while she tried to gather her thoughts and control her face. “We’re still going to be friends. And anyway, we’ll probably slowly stop talking before we ever meet again and he’ll find some extremely pretty girl on tour and fall madly in love and forget all about me.”

As long as she was telling herself that it meant she couldn’t be too disappointed when it came true. No point getting her hopes up.

“If you say so,” Flynn didn’t sound convinced and Julie rolled her eyes at her friend, sticking her tongue out childishly, to be rewarded with Flynn laughing.

“Now come on, enough about me and my awful love life. Tell me about this thing you're working on!”

// 

//

“Ow, crap.”

It’s not really the first thing you want to hear when you accept a phone call at 8am. Julie blinks at her phone as she pulls it away from her ear to double check the caller id and that she hadn’t imagined it ringing. But there’s Luke’s name and his slightly blurry photo staring back at her.

“Luke?” She asks, hears the sounds of a scuffle on the other end like someone juggling too many objects at once.

“Julie! Hey! Sorry, just spilt one of my coffees. Is black pudding made with blood?” Luke’s question catches her off guard. Her mind is still trying to process the mention of multiple coffees that it takes her a moment to register what he’s asking her. And it just causes more confusion to her half asleep mind.

“Are you really calling me at 8am to ask about black pudding? Why are you even awake?” She groans, collapsing back against her pillows and pulling the covers back up to her chin. It was Friday, she didn’t have class until 1pm, she was supposed to get to sleep late and he’d woken her up.

To talk about black pudding. Idly, she wondered if it was too early in their friendship to just hang up without it seeming too rude.

“Last night Reg said it was like haggis, but that doesn’t make sense, does it? Because I swear haggis is like, sheep. And you’d think blood pudding would be, y’know, blood. Given its name.” He kept talking away, apparently not at all discouraged by her lack of response.

Julie let her eyes fall shut as she listened to him talk, to his voice and not really what he was saying. He had a very nice voice, it was kind of soothing, letting his excitement and enthusiasm wash over her. How could someone be so enthused about a random food at 8am? Julie struggles to follow his train of thought and why she was his chosen person to call about the matter. But she doesn't think he really wants her input anyway. Just an excuse to call her.

She’d been guilty of a similar thing. Calling him for no real reason other than the fact she’d wanted to talk to him. At least when she’d called it had been at a reasonable hour and about something more interesting than a weird food dish.

“How long have you been up?” Julie cuts through his rant on weird British dishes, stifling a yawn against her covers.

“Er…” there’s a pause, phone line crackling as he seems to think, “Like an hour? I went out to get the boys coffee, because I’m super nice like that, but they were still asleep when I got back and I tried to wake ‘em up but Alex threatened to throw my guitar out the window so I wandered around the hotel for a while, drank my coffee, then I drank Alex’s as revenge, and then I got bored of walking around so now I’m sat in a park and talking to you. And drinking Reggie’s coffee. It’s the worst one. I hate oat milk.”

Julie can almost picture him, sitting on a random bench in a random park somewhere in Edinburgh, notebook and tangled headphones and three empty coffee cups next to him, all jittery caffeinated energy. It makes her smile and huff out a small laugh.

“You’re going to be so insufferable after all that coffee. They might kick you out of the band, abandon you somewhere in the highlands,” she teases.

“I’d just keep showing back up. Every time they tried to lose me I’d just show up again at the next venue with no explanation,” there’s a smile in his voice and Julie takes a moment to appreciate that she can tell. That they’ve talked enough now that she knows what he sounds like when he’s smiling, when he’s joking.

“Luke?”

“Yeah?”

“Go eat something with your fourth coffee please. I’m going back to sleep.”

“Shit, did I wake you up again? I thought you had a 9am on Thursdays.” He sounds so genuinely confused and concerned that Julie tries really hard not to laugh.

“I do. But it’s actually Friday, not Thursday.”

There’s a silence on the other end of the line and for a moment Julie thinks that maybe he’s hung up on her, but then he’s letting out a breathy laugh and she relaxes back against her mattress.

“Well fuck. That explains why they guys are still asleep and got pissed when I tried to wake ‘em up then.”

“Tour life is really messing with your days of the week, huh?”

“You’ve no idea,” There’s another pause and she hears rustling and footsteps and then, “I’ll let you go back to sleep. Talk later?”

There’s a note of hesitation in his voice and it makes Julie want to smile, so she does. “Yeah, talk later. Bye Luke.”

//

Julie spins around and around underneath a streetlight, her eyes locked above her as she watches the streams of light turn with her and make stars dance across her vision. A slight breeze blows her hair around her face and Julie lets out a laugh, light and airy like how she pictures all the bubbles in the drinks she's had tonight. 

She closes her eyes against a wave of dizziness and tries to imagine the stars.

There’s too many clouds in the sky for her to see the actual stars when she opens her eyes and it makes her pout, just a little. She likes to see the stars, to try and find constellations, and when she couldn’t do that, to make up her own.

Her phone makes a chiming sound in her hands and she whips her head down to look at it, Luke’s face filling her screen with a small frown, his eyebrows drawn together and a hair sticking up. A wide smile breaks out across her face and Julie raises her phone so it’s level with her face, even as she still spins around.

“Luke! Why are you on my phone?” Distantly, Julie knows she must be almost shouting, but she’s too happy and too drunk to really care.

“Er, you called me?” Luke sounds confused, but as Julie blows hair out of her face a small understanding smile tugs at Luke’s lips and Julie’s momentarily distracted by watching as the smile spreads across his face, reaching his eyes, one of his hands appearing in frame to push his hair out of his face. She stumbles to a stop, feeling a little dizzy from all her spinning and pounding heart.

“I did?” She doesn’t remember doing that, for a moment Julie frowns, lips pulling to the side as her eyes look at the ground before she blows out a breath and shrugs, looking back at Luke’s face on her phone. “Well, hi! We went out for drinks!"

Julie watches as Luke sits up in his bed, a light flicking on next to him and lighting up the room.

(In the morning, when she remembers this, she’ll probably feel bad about waking him, knowing his sleep schedule is already a mess. But right now, standing in the street halfway back to her dorm, two of her friends chatting a short distance away and a cute guy looking at her from her phone, she can’t really find it in her to feel bad. Just a giddy type of happiness.)

“You having a good night?” His voice is a little rough with sleep she notices, adds a gravely note to it that’s not normally there. Julie really wishes she could hear him talk like this all the time, first thing in the morning, in the middle of the night when one of them wakes up, after a nap in the middle of the day.

“The best! It would be more fun if you were here, though,” the words stumble past her lips without her even realising what she’s said. And she doesn’t notice the way Luke’s breath seems to catch through the speaker or the way his eyes widen a fraction or the way his smile turns more into a smirk. Whatever he’s about to respond with is cut off by Julie’s mind returning to her original disappointment of the night.

“You can’t see the stars here.”

Luke frowns a little and Julie tilts her phone so the camera is facing up and only the top of her head and her curls are in frame.

“See? No stars, only streetlights.” She pouts, tilting the phone back towards her with an exaggerated pout on her face that makes Luke laugh and Julie pout more. “Why are you laughing!? That’s mean! I miss the stars and you’re laughing!”

“Jules, it’s not like you can really see the stars all that much back home either,” he says it gently, but there’s still that teasing tone in his voice and hearing him call her ‘Jules’ makes butterflies form in her stomach.

“I still miss them.” She mutters, blowing out a breath and conceding the point. She’s honestly too drunk to even fight it and for a moment she sways slightly in place, her eyes staring just above her phone as she gets lost in her thoughts.

About stars and cute boys with calloused fingers and her friends who made her laugh and her mom who had taught her about constellations and how tired she suddenly feels.

“When we’re both back in LA I’ll take you somewhere you can see all the stars,” Luke says softly, so softly she almost misses it, but her eyes flicker down to the screen and lets a soft smile pull at her lips.

“I’d like that.”

[ginnympotter]

uhm this is kind of a vague prompt but harry and ginny going on a date in the muggle world doing the things he always wanted to do as a kid but wasn't allowed? x

LOVE ITTT. OK anyone who actually lives in London reading this, I apologize. I know nothing and admit to this. Also this ended up much longer than intended I’m sorry lol. Hope you like it!

“Ginny, I already told you-”

She groaned, closing the front door of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place behind them. “And I’ve already told you that I don’t give a damn.” She took the invisibility cloak from the crook of his arm and threw it over them. “Now, I’m going to need you to apparate us so please concentrate and stop being a humble git.”

Harry sighed, recognizing defeat. “Where to, then?”

“Westminster Bridge Road,” she informed him.

He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Muggle London? What for?”

She rolled her eyes and grabbed on to his hand. “If you would exert some patience, please, you will find out shortly.”

He conceded, securing her hand in his. “Hold tight.”

He spun on the spot, and Ginny felt herself being squeezed into nothing, suffocating, and then suddenly her feet landed firmly on pavement, the rush of traffic ringing in her ears. Her hand still firmly locked in Harry’s, she dragged them into an ally and took off the cloak, handing it back to its owner. “Put it in your pocket.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he responded, doing just so. They both put their wands in their pockets as well, and then Ginny dragged them back to the sidewalk. 

People walked around them in haste, and Ginny looked at the street signs on both sides of them. “This way,” she determined, tugging Harry’s hand and navigating them to the right. Ginny strode down the street excitedly, Harry by her side, chuckling. 

“Are you going to tell me what we’re doing now?”

She chanced a glance at him, and his face held both suspicion and amusement. “Listen,” she began. “I know you don’t care much about making a deal of your birthday, but you should. I mean, need I remind you, it was only about 3 months ago that you almost died.”

“I remember,” he mumbled.

“And so the fact that you made it to 18 is something to be celebrated! And I wanted to do something special, since all I gave you last year for your birthday was an interrupted snog and an overbearing brother,” she smiled. 

He laughed at that, squeezing her hand. “Fair enough.”

“But I knew going out in any Wizarding areas would be too stressful. We don’t need anyone hounding you, and I suppose we could’ve taken Polyjuice Potion but I’d prefer to see your handsome face.”

“Not sick of it yet?”

“Never.” She stopped abruptly, pulled him to her, and kissed him firmly on the mouth. Then remembered herself and kept them moving as to not cause any further pedestrian traffic. Harry had a lopsided smirk on his face as she resumed to steer them towards their destination. “Anyway,” she continued, “we should be pretty safe here. It’s crowded and not many wizards come roaming about Muggle London, except my dad, maybe.”

“I hope you’re right, but I wouldn’t underestimate Rita Skeeter’s determination.”

“Good thing I’m not afraid of beetles,” she quipped back, shooting him a smile. “So now that you’re of age in both the Wizarding and Muggle world, I thought we’d exercise those freedoms in the most optimal way possible- aha!” She spotted the place and made a sharp turn down the block, Harry still holding her hand but tailing her, and stopped short at the entrance. “Ta-da!” 

Harry took a moment to catch his breath, then looked up at the sign above the door. Namco Funscape.

“No...way...” Harry gaped breathlessly. “No way.”

Ginny felt triumph beating in her chest. “Last month, you told me about all the things your aunt and uncle would take Dudley to do, or allow him to do at the house, all of which you were deprived...and I wanted to make that up to you and take you myself. But as an adult, it’s all up to you what we do. And you can even have a Muggle drink now that you got an ID last week.”

Harry continued to stare at the building front, then turned his shocked expression to Ginny, which quickly melted into the kind of warm smile that left Ginny immobile, like the one he had given her when they first exchanged ‘I love you’s, or when they played one-on-one Quidditch two weeks ago and she caught the Snitch right under his nose. He let go of her hand and closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her, fitting her snugly into his chest. She closed her eyes, content to just stay like that for the rest of the day if he wanted. But she was a good gift-giver, and she knew how eager he was to go in. “I will always be grateful for gifted snogs, interrupted or otherwise, but this is...really...” He released her from his grip and kissed her once hard, the second time more softly. “You’re the best. The best.”

“I am pretty amazing, aren’t I,” she joked, the look on his face making her heart flutter even more rapidly. 

“You are,” he confirmed, his smile widening. “Now c’mon, let me introduce you to all the fun Muggle activities I wish I could do as a kid that you will surely kick my arse in.”

She could hardly contain her own excitement seeing Harry display his own so openly, swinging the door open and striding through into the massive arcade and entertainment center. Harry explained to her the concept of tokens, and before he could pay for them to have any Ginny took out the stash of Muggle money she brought. She handed the clerk the bills before Harry could get a full objection out. “Ginny, let me-”

“It’s your birthday,” she stated simply. “Stop. Let me take care of it. You can waste all the money you’d like to pamper me in eleven days.”

“Fine,” he replied resentfully but seemed to get over it quick enough as the clerk handed him the cup of tokens. He took her through the rows of video games, and it was some of the most fun she ever had, having Harry teach her how to play and, as predicted, quickly dominating him in almost every game he taught her. The only one Harry continued to beat her in (though only marginally) was Pacman, but she demolished him in Skee-Ball on the first round, and the four others that followed. “Should’ve seen that one coming,” he snorted, trying and failing to hide the gleam in his eye he’d get when turned on by Ginny’s unexpected prowess as she successfully sunk her final ball into the top goal. “Bloody Chasers.”

“How could you forget, when my Quidditch Captain badge arrived just yesterday?” she beamed at him, bending down to collect her plethora of tickets. 

“You’re a usurper, is what you are,” Harry shook his head.

Ginny gasped dramatically as she pulled the last of her tickets up and shoved them into Harry’s hand. “Not usurper, rightful successor!” Harry laughed as he took the tickets and put them in their bucket. “You know, jealousy doesn’t look so good on you.”

Harry pulled her toward him and put both hands on her cheeks. “I’m only jealous of everyone who’s going to be there to watch you shine.”

Ginny felt her heart sink slightly. She knew it was a difficult decision for Harry to forgo the rest of his education, to not return to the Quidditch team for one final season, and most of all, to spend the better part of ten months apart from her after finally getting back together. But they both knew it was what made the most sense, and that they would be okay. He offered her a small smile before leaning in to kiss her. 

She sighed, his lips gone too quick. He chuckled, throwing an arm around her and leading them to another area of the arcade. They tried the jackpot machine game multiple times, and on the sixth attempt, Ginny hit the jackpot, which was 550 tickets. Harry and Ginny decided they had enough accumulated to go claim a prize, and Harry convinced Ginny to get something called a skateboard, which she was able to pick up rather quickly before they were reprimanded for riding it inside. Then Harry taught her ping-pong, which took her a bit longer to pick up, but by the end of it won two matches. All the playing left them famished, and so they went to the bar and got pizza, and Ginny convinced him to try Muggle beer. He eyed it skeptically, took a sip, swallowed, and made a face of disgust.

Ginny laughed heartily. “That bad?”

“Yes,” he confirmed, pushing it away. “I can’t believe anyone would drink this when butterbeer tastes so much better.”

She tugged at his collar and pulled his face close to hers. “Let me have a taste.”

“You’re not of age,” he said, looking at her curiously.

“Not that way,” she informed him, the suggestive grin forming on his lips stunted by Ginny’s crushing against them, prodding his mouth open, sweeping her tongue over his. She pulled away briefly, told him, “I can bear it,” then continued to kiss him.

She only got to have her fun for about thirty seconds, however, as they were interrupted by a loud and recognizable “Oi! You’re in public!”

They broke apart, and Ginny could see the blush spreading across Harry’s cheeks. “I thought interrupted snogs and overbearing brothers were gifts of the past,” he whispered quickly.

“I thought you were grateful for them, anyway?”

“The snog bit, yeah-”

Hermione’s voice cut in. “Sorry,” she winced, then glared at Ron. “Somebody still needs to learn manners.”

“Yeah, them!” he retorted, gesturing towards his sister and best friend. 

Hermione rolled her eyes, then walked forward to hug Harry. “Happy birthday, Harry! We didn’t mean to interrupt-”

“It’s okay, Hermione,” Harry told her as she let go. “I didn’t know you two were coming!”

“I meant to mention it,” said Ginny. “But I lost track of time. I wanted to try that bowling thing, and I thought it’d be fun to have them join us for a bit before we head back home for dinner with everyone.”

“We’re bowling?” Harry shouted in excitement. “Oh, man is this going to be fun. I’ve always wanted to bowl. I got to watch Dudley once but wasn’t allowed to play.”

Ron threw his arm around Hermione, pulling her to his side. “Alright, Hermione, we’re ready to learn.”

After three matches, the first as individuals (Harry just winning, all scores rather close), the second as boys versus girls (girls demolishing), and the third as a couple match-up (Harry and Ginny victorious), their arms were sore and they were ready to apparate back to Ottery St. Catchpole for Harry’s birthday. 

Ginny’s mother made an elaborate dinner and cake that, seeing Fred’s empty seat, Ginny could tell he did not quite feel he deserved but expressed his gratitude all the same. Most everyone he loved was there, including little Teddy, whose hair and eyes matched Harry’s throughout most of the meal, which made Ginny’s heart swell. As her mother insisted Harry stay the night, she helped him bring up all his presents to Ron’s room before turning in for the night herself, although not before making sure Ginny was in her own room with Hermione. And although Ron still could not hold back his disgust, he knew there was something to be gained for himself in having Harry and Hermione swap places once they were sure it was safe. Hermione quietly left, and a minute later, there was a light rap of knuckles against her door.

She flicked her wand and the door opened. Harry, his face lit in his own wand light, wearing his pajamas, stepped in quietly and closed the door behind him, clicking the lock. He walked over to Ginny’s bed, whispered ‘Nox,’ put his wand and glasses on her bedside table, and crawled into her small bed. 

“Hello,” he whispered, and she could see his smile in the dark as she pulled him closer to her. 

“Mm,” she sighed happily, intertwining her legs with his, firmly planting her face in the crook of his neck. “Good birthday?”

He wrapped his arms around her. “The best, I think. Today was...” he paused, and Ginny knew he struggled to verbalize his feelings sometimes, so when he uttered out a loving, “thank you,” and kissed the top of her head, she knew he was happy, and so her goal was achieved.

“So it surpasses last year’s gift, then?” she asked playfully.

“Well, I did receive the same gift this year too, earlier before bowling, didn’t I?”

“I suppose.”

Harry readjusted them and put a hand on her face, causing her to look up at him. “And as incredible as today was, I was hoping for that present in an uninterrupted format if you’d be so willing.”

Ginny laughed, melting at his touch, feeling pierced by the sparkle in his eyes, made brighter by the contrast of the dark. “How could I deny you such a gift?”

Harry grinned widely as Ginny drew her face closer to his. Their lips impossibly close, she whispered against his, “Happy birthday, Harry.”

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-12-25

I’m not going to spend time BLOGGING an upd8 on Christmas morning!

...yes I am who the fuck am I kidding.  (Bonus stuff and Hiveswap are still well on hold though.)

So are we gonna follow up on the main ship?  Probably not, right, with that perfect Karkat point to cut away, right?  We’re just going to leave Roxy’s question hanging, as well as makeouts etiquette, and leave while having seen a COUPLE FRAMES of non-possessed canon Jade with only whatever fun fanart was inspired across the internet by the moment to tide us over????

Yeah, probably.

Ugh, more Dirk.  I guess it’s overdue.  :(

> CHAPTER 16. Welcome to my Secret Lair

Oh huh, I guess not?  So... Jane’s, or Rose and Kanaya’s?

Karkat stays for longer than John thought he would. They talk a bit, but mostly they are quiet. Eventually, Karkat gets called away on yet more important war business, leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had.

Pretty much, yeah.  Can’t blame either of them.

When Karkat is finally gone, John still doesn’t move. It isn’t as though he has nowhere else to go, since there are quite a few places he might attempt to make himself useful, for better or for worse.

You’re still abandoning the task that was explicitly yours to protect your literal kid and his friends, but, oh well.  Low-point.  Dave dead, house dead, broke news, I get it.

He just doesn’t feel ready for that yet. The remnants of his house are still smoldering, and he can’t stop staring at them. It would make sense, he thinks, to want to root around through the rubble for anything that’s still intact; some half-charred keepsake to claim as the last thing left that’s still his. But he doesn’t want to do it, and he doesn’t want to think about it. And he still can’t move.

Can’t move.  No Breath huh?  What’s going to get him to, then?

> (==>)

Oh boy, that might help.  XD  She’s pretty good at that.

> (==>)

Still with the waistline gap.  And was his phone always yellow like his God-Tier shoes?

ROXY: hey john can u do me a quick solid ROXY: actly idk how quick itll be but its definitely solid ROXY: harry anderson says i just missed u being here but could u skip back on over?

Nice, huh!  No judgment, just a hey-any-chance-you-could-swing-back.  He sort of needs to be needed right now, in a simple, almost everyday non-judgmental way I guess.  (That’s what he NEEDED anyway-- whether he deserved it though is up for debate.)

ROXY: i need help w/smth and yr darling boy is holed up in his room working on some fuckin craft project or other and cant be bothered

YES SEW JOHN A BETTER FITTING FUCKING OUTFIT

ROXY: and now that me and u are freshly on speakin terms again i might as well take advantage of that olive branch and put u to work ROXY: assumin you havent died in an air raid, that is ROXY: which id also be interested in knowin about so if u wld be so kind as to reply instead of leavin me hangin

Heheheh.  Gosh Roxy is always the best.

JOHN: yea yea sorry im here. JOHN: i just had a hard time getting my phone out of these fucking tiny pants.

Hah.

JOHN: and also my house is bombed out so i'm kinda grappling with that. JOHN: but i honestly am not sure how much longer i need to sit around staring at it. trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so JOHN: short version is no i’m not dead, and yeah i can come back over there and help you out. ROXY: oh sweet yr alive and down to do manual labor its a win/win JOHN: see you soon.

Yep!  Pulled away from all the metaphorical, ultra-meaningful bullshit, back to some brass tacks with some easy humor.  Definitely something Roxy can do well.~

> (==>)

EXCUSE ME.  What is that outfit and pose.  Did you--

ROXY: sup ROXY: follow me ROXY: well were just going to my room so i guess technically u know the way JOHN: haha ok.

Did you invite him over for the manual labor of banging you while your son is sewing in the other room

Or maybe the labor is making him a new sibling.  JFC

Is this plan part of why we got the sudden content warning that was mocked or was that mainly for Hiveswap 

John follows, trying to shake the ominous feeling he got from what she’d just said. He’d been in and out of this house a lot in the past few days. Why should this be any different?

I DUNNO JOHN DOES THIS SEEM DIFFERENT TO YOU

> (==>)

Yea this seems like a fucc room.

JOHN: it’s not like i could forget! ROXY: ya i guess u only really saw the living room when you were here the other day but i have changed some stuff up ROXY: done a lil redecoratin here n there

So it’s MORE of a fucc room than previously >__>”

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out ROXY: but so far so good

Ah geez.

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Well, that’ll buff out easy.

ROXY: can i get u anything? ROXY: just made some coffee JOHN: no, uh, i’m good.

Of course she has a fancy handled winecoffeeglass  (and the handle does look ridiculous but it’d be too hot to hold otherwise)

Roxy shrugs and swirls her own coffee around in her novelty mug. John looks around. A lot about the room is the same. The family photos, the rug. There’s a lot more cat stuff in there now, though. The bed is new. John feels like he’s about to take a test he hasn’t studied for. He makes himself focus on what she’s saying.

That would be the feeling.

> (==>)

MY GOD.  Roxy is so fucking good at this holy shit

She KNOWS she’s making him squirm and she loves it

JOHN: so uh anyway. JOHN: what was this favor? ROXY: yo why dont u just come rest yr tush for a bit ROXY: take a lil relax next 2 me here JOHN: haha uh. JOHN: roxy i uh. JOHN: im flattered, but i don’t know if that’s really the right step right now. JOHN: don’t get me wrong, everything seems so fucked up right now that when i try to think about what might actually BE the right step, it feels like a huge cartoon question mark might physically manifest over my head. JOHN: but I’m not sure if um rekindling our physical relationship is really the best--

So is Roxy trolling him, about to reveal she wasn’t thinking of sex and was just making things seem sultry?  Or just had “lol jk” as an option-select, maybe.

> (==>)

ROXY: r u kiddin me rn egbert JOHN: i’m not? unless you were, in which case yeah lets say i was also kidding. JOHN: oh my god, i’m sorry, i don’t know why this making me freak out.

OH NOOO NOT THE DISDAAAAIN - CRITICAL HIT D:

ROXY: i remember our past boot knockin with fondness but that is a situation im not interested in revisiting

boot knockin XD

ROXY: look john ROXY: i was trying to be polite about it ROXY: offering u sustenance n rest n all ROXY: but you look like shit ROXY: i just wanted to catch up on the whole heinous war situation were in and maybe check in on e/o before leaping strait to the real n actual nonsexual manual labor favor i have in mind for u JOHN: oh.

Hey, she can’t help looking sexy she’s too good at it.

Is the manual labor moving the crashed cars?  Can’t Roxy pull that off on her own, or... banish the cars to the void or something?  (Oh, but WOULD she want to do it on her own when she can rope in John and bring him down to earth by giving him a useful task?  And admittedly his strength and wallet would make things easier.)

John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced?

Probably some gender stuff mixed up in there too, June.

He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.

Just put your feet up yeah

> (==>)

WHAT A CUTE IMAGE

JOHN: sorry. like i said, my "how to react to stuff" meter is completely fucked right now. ROXY: thats fair bud

she’s used to being patient with you don’t worry otherwise you never would’ve gotten this far

ROXY: real fast i do need to do a quick takeback of all that shit i said last time we talked about janey not being literally the most evil person we knew or whatever ROXY: i guess i was hopped up on arguin or somethin since that was before we hit our conversational vibe bc of course u were right and i shoulda listened

Ouch.  Yeah, we saw just lately just how far off the deep end she was.  (Where was that funny upd8 reaction art summarizing the bit where Kanaya was holding Tavros hostage and Jane was transparently debating “hmm do I let my son die?” and Kanaya and Tavros were just looking at each-other flat-mouthed nervous?  I REALLY wanted to share that but I don’t usually want to reblog or put most stuff HS^2 not under a read-more, for spoiler purposes, usually.)

ROXY: im just glad ur ok ROXY: or like alive JOHN: yeah, jury's still out on "ok" but, you know. ROXY: ya ROXY: u said ur house is gone?? JOHN: yep. JOHN: completely. ROXY: jeez ROXY: i would ask how ur feelin but like the answer 2 that has got 2b "prtty bad"

Talk it ouuuut~~  get those feels out there and articulated john

JOHN: yeah. JOHN: i mean. JOHN: no? JOHN: it’s weird. JOHN: it feels like it should be a bigger deal, I guess? JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE. JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house? JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self? JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know? JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something? JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames. JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it. JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late? JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison. JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good. JOHN: but that’s just bullshit. JOHN: it DID feel good. JOHN: i DO feel free. JOHN: sorry.

I was kind of saying some Breath/Blood stuff at the time of him losing his last tie to his stubborn sticking-to-his-kid-self bit?  Except now we’re mixing it in with June Egbert and his gender-identity questions too.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Oh shit

ROXY: well no i just meant like i did some sharing ROXY: like referrin 2 the topic i brought up when we chatted last ROXY: but like now that u mention it ROXY: *meaningful pause* JOHN: … JOHN: i JOHN: ROXY: lol well we can move on 2 the favor part if youd rather ROXY: stick a lil pin in that topic n come back 2 it when u have had sleep

Are you just INCREDIBLY incisive Roxy or have you and John talked about this before?

ROXY: like i said the other day its not like this shits figureoutable in 1 sitting anyways JOHN: yeah... ROXY: sooooooo ROXY: movin on

It’s just fine for Roxy to slow-roll this yeah, if she’s going to pry open that door a little

ROXY: dont be mad but theres a part of the house u didnt know abt the whole time u lived here JOHN: what? ROXY: yea ROXY: i got a secret lair ROXY: for my sciences

OH FUCK YES SCIENCE LAB, of COURSE Roxy would want a cool science lab basement because she always wants a cool science lab basement

ROXY: and i get to it via a transportalizer underneath our bed ROXY: which is 2 heavy 2 move by my lonesome so i just needed to borrow some o your aforementioned powers of wind

Okay no.  Wait.  What the fuck?

First of all, as funny and MSPaintAdventures-y as furniture being in the way of things is, why would you block it with a bed too heavy to move, but,

Second of all, more importantly, how is a GOD-TIER ROXY not strong enough to lift a heavy bed?!?!?!?  Either she’s lying to get John involved in things or this is a gendered cop-out because these characters are superheroes at the TOP of their echeladders, given obnoxiously powerful video-game strength and athletics only to then have ascended into DEITIES.  God-Tier Roxy could probably have lifted a bed like that when she was SEVENTEEN!  And now she’s an ADULT, out-of-shape or otherwise!  If this were a whole CAR I might be willing to handwave it, but just a heavy BED?!?  And none of the GUYS are going to have this much trouble lifting a bed like this, are they??  This just feels like following classic cartoony gender tropes in the complete absence of these characters’ super powers, what the fuck, and also Roxy if you didn’t make it Transportalizer-only access you could have given it an entrance you could phase through with your fancy powers to get to.  FUCK.

This feels stupid.

ROXY: so if u dont mind woosh away JOHN: uh ok, well... JOHN: a secret science lair, sure, i can deal with that. JOHN: why not! JOHN: it doesn’t work out great when i do the windy thing indoors, though. ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

You’re already THIS sensitive about gendertalk?

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push ROXY: we both got sick muscles ROXY: no other adjectives necessary JOHN: yeah ok. ROXY: on 3?

Please, please reinforce the idea that they both have sick strength, because they fucking do and the idea that Roxy actually a hundred percent NEEDED John to do this is BS.

> (==>)

JOHN: holy shit? ROXY: sorry to lop yet another huge scoop onto ur lil brains ice cream revelation sundae JOHN: so wait, if this thing's always been under the bed, how’d you get down here before without me? ROXY: well thats neither here nor there john JOHN: i mean it is kinda. Here. ROXY: fine ok checkmate ROXY: i dont ACTUALLY need ur nerdgrit for this escapade ROXY: like im sorry but i said it ROXY: i mostly just wanted to see you and show u wats down here

THANK FUCKING CHRIST.

If that wasn’t actually just a lie to get him involved I was going to stay SO mad.  Of COURSE Roxy can move a fucking BED no matter how heavy it is.  OF COURSE.

ROXY: and also uve been ~sent for~ JOHN: ok but like ROXY: john i am inviting u 2 my inner sanctum ROXY: i am literally bringing out the word "sanctum" in case u werent already clued in 2 how cool this is ROXY: so do u wanna go into my secret lair or wat JOHN: yeah!? JOHN: yes? i guess? ROXY: aight good

Yes John of course you want to stop fighting it

ROXY: then as they told me in the hospital before lil h a was born ROXY: just push

eyeroll, but yeah, of course

> (==>)

Oh cool, sprite form version of her loungewear.

> (==>)

Sorry for my compulsion to post every full-frame image of Roxy in this awesome outfi-WERE YOU KEEPING CALLIOPE UNDER YOUR BED THIS WHOLE TIME?!?????

That’s like... almost a fucking metaphor isn’t it????  For the relationship you preferred in the other timeline and possibly THIS one TOO or

ROXY: hey callieee i got him ROXY: o damn john sorry i shoulda also told u callies here weve been hangin out again ROXY: 1 more freak for ur bean

Oh huh, so this isn’t an always thing.  And these two can get close in more than one timeline where it would’ve worked out nicely.  :)

JOHN: oh it's ok, my bean feels pretty well adjusted to freakage at this point so keep them coming if you like! ROXY: k cool i will JOHN: do i get to know what that big thing under the sheet is? ROXY: hmmmmmm no JOHN: oh ok. JOHN: are you sure? i mean, it seems like a pretty prominent feature of the room. JOHN: space. JOHN: wherever we are. ROXY: and a totally mysterious n COMPLETELY inconspicuous feature it will have to remain for now ROXY: we r kinda in a hurry here fyi ROXY: and by that i mean ROXY: we are in precisely the amount of hurry that means im excused from having to a that specific q rn JOHN: right, sorry. JOHN: i will pay no attention to the object behind the curtain. ROXY: u catch on fast egbert ROXY: anyway theres more cool info coming so just follow me

I don’t have any big theories.  Is it just the Hiveswap device or something?  If Calliope helped with it it’d help explain the Cherubic theme.

> (==>)

JOHN: so... this is all downstairs? JOHN: it seems like you had a lot of work done. ROXY: well no not x actly ROXY: were in the old meteor JOHN: under the house??? ROXY: ok so ROXY: in hindsight it may have been a bit misleading 2 say like ROXY: "downstairs" ROXY: in reference to a place which is hells of buried underground and may not actually be literally under the house ROXY: but there is no time to explain all that rn john so instead im going to refer u to my adorable little green friend here CALLIOPE: #U_U# ROXY: (hehe) CALLIOPE: *AHEM* CALLIOPE: hi john! CALLIOPE: long time no see. ^u^

Cherubs just really like dark cavelike places full of weird tech don’t they.

> (==>)

THEY’RE SO CUTE

JOHN: oh, uh. hey callie! JOHN: it sure has been a while huh. JOHN: now that i think about it, the last time the three of us hung out like this... CALLIOPE: was when i was aggressively third wheeling yoUr prenUptial coUrtship? CALLIOPE: if yoU dont mind, john, i'd rather not rehash that period of oUr lives. CALLIOPE: it was more than a little painfUl for me. JOHN: oh. JOHN: god, jeez, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-- CALLIOPE: hee hee john i am only pUlling yoUr leg, don't worry. CALLIOPE: if anything i was personally a little thrilled with how things shook oUt in that respect. CALLIOPE: imagine, if yoU will, a yoUng cherUb raised in solitUde, whose only solace was the convolUted and tUmUltUoUs romantic schemata she projected onto her only friends from another Universe. CALLIOPE: and then fUrther imagine that this yoUng cherUb, throUgh varioUs even *more* convolUted contrivances, ended Up in the company of those selfsafe friends as an eqUal participant in their sphere of social discoUrse! CALLIOPE: it is a joy the like of which yoU possibly cannot fathom. u_u

Reinforcing that things turning out this way was in fact the FANTASY that Calliope was writing over in the Canon timeline.  Just, heavily, HEAVILY implied that the Candy timeline is -- or at least originated as -- Calliope’s fanfiction as a Muse of Space, and its competition for audience interest with canon is the essential conflict between alt!Calliope and Dirk (or Dirk and Andrew Hussie).

CALLIOPE: so to pUt it simply, getting to experience sUch emotional drama myself was an impossibly enriching experience. CALLIOPE: possibly a first for my species! CALLIOPE: it's actUally qUite interesting, if yoU ROXY: *nudge* CALLIOPE: oh, right. yes. i'm getting a little carried away, haha. CALLIOPE: argh, i'm sorry, this is not how i planned to begin this vital conversation.

Vital conversation?  What sorta truth-bombs are coming?

CALLIOPE: but to sUmmarise, what i was trying to say is: CALLIOPE: don't beat yourself Up aboUt it john. CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr. CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point. JOHN: hahaha!!! JOHN: okay, well that's good to know! CALLIOPE: ^u^

Holy SHIT that was savage!  And we’ll NEVER know whether or not she really intended it so savagely, either.~

JOHN: so um... JOHN: i hear that there's this big secret thing you wanna tell me about? CALLIOPE: oh right, yes of course! CALLIOPE: let me jUst say first of all how thrilled i am that yoU're on board. CALLIOPE: i wasn't sUre if yoUr natUral inclinations woUld have preclUded yoUr coming to such a place as this, and yet here yoU are. CALLIOPE: this whole endeavoUr will be *so* mUch easier with yoUr help.

Uh oh.

Hopefully babies aren’t involved.

JOHN: oh! well, shucks. JOHN: not really sure what that means but i'm just glad to be of use somewhere, haha. JOHN: which, speaking of somewhere, CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are. CALLIOPE: how much do yoU know aboUt black holes? JOHN: um... like, the big space things? CALLIOPE: they aren't always big actUally, and in fact their relative smallness is practically their defining qUality. JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: bUt okay i think we are on the same page. CALLIOPE: so, what if i told yoU that we are inside of a black hole right now.

Oh dear, we’re getting into the canon/noncanon divide?

JOHN: um... JOHN: like, HERE? JOHN: we just transportalized into a black hole? CALLIOPE: no, i mean, what if oUr whole WORLD was inside a black hole. JOHN: ok.

Yeah, that’s gonna be John’s reaction.  “ok.”  Pretty much inevitable.

CALLIOPE: earth c, or at least oUr version of it, has, from the moment we crossed the victory threshold, been inside a black hole. JOHN: ok. CALLIOPE: and not just any black hole, bUt the very black hole in which the green sUn Ultimately met its demise, allowing oUr victory in the first instance! JOHN: huh! ROXY: ("huh!") ROXY: (rofl my fucking ao egbert) JOHN: (shhhh!)

And Roxy enjoys his non-reaction reactions as much as we do, hehe.

CALLIOPE: bUt, paradoxically, the critical moment which determined its capture within the black hole happened *after* that point. CALLIOPE: i refer of coUrse to yoUr decision not to retUrn to the mediUm and fight my brother. JOHN: wait, wait. JOHN: you mean, the meat and candy thing? JOHN: oh my god. JOHN: you mean i actually DID make a mistake that day. CALLIOPE: well, that's not exactly what that-- JOHN: ugh, i fucking KNEW it! JOHN: i'm so sorry. JOHN: i'm so sorry that i put the earth inside a black hole everyone. ): ROXY: john ROXY: listen ROXY: u have got to get out of this mindset i am begging you JOHN: ):

Yeah shake him out of this shit.

ROXY: your choice literally didnt matter ROXY: the whole thing was symbolic in the first place ROXY: literally symbolic in the case of the picnic i mean come on ROXY: it was just some steak and a plate of candy suckers JOHN: oh. CALLIOPE: i mean, i wouldn't go so far as to say that the meal we shared was unimportant, given the sacred significance of the two options i presented. CALLIOPE: but yes, yoUr choice of snack was infinitely less important than the choice which it presaged. CALLIOPE: and even then, calling it a choice woUld be sorely misleading. CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip. CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads". CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads. JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are". JOHN: o...kay... CALLIOPE: u_u

Yeah, it’s going to take a bit more than that to convince him he didn’t make the “wrong decision”.

CALLIOPE: i realise that this may be a lot to process. CALLIOPE: it's easy to forget that this wasn't obvioUs to everyone from the beginning. CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity. JOHN: oh, wow. JOHN: um. JOHN: ok so, sorry if this is a dumb question to ask suddenly, but what does being inside of a black hole actually... mean for us? JOHN: is that bad? JOHN: is it like in movie, um, JOHN: shoot. JOHN: roxy what was that matthew mcconaughey movie from your earth that we watched? ROXY: u mean interstellar JOHN: RIGHT. JOHN: the one with the organ. JOHN: man. i cried at that movie so much. ROXY: lol u can say that again ROXY: iirc at least part of y u got so weepy was the fact that u couldnt believe a version of earth existed where ppl got 2 watch more mcconaughey films than you JOHN: listen. JOHN: i simply don't think you all appreciated the gift you were given. CALLIOPE: i don't believe i'm familiar with this particular film ^u^;; ROXY: oh dont worry cal you didnt miss much JOHN: (gasp)

This is all gold

ROXY: but the important point is that no its not really an interstellar type situation here egbert ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love JOHN: aw.

Dammit, now we have to be on the lookout for that possibility.  Or it did sort of already happen more than once to John.  ...Whatever.

CALLIOPE: to go back to your original question, john. CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them. CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish. CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart! CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been. CALLIOPE: in everyday, practical terms, being inside of a black hole has very little bearing on Us. CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary. CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence. CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon. CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

No?  So this doesn’t have to do with the divide?

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal. CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific. JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that. CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley. CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u= CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

What the heck?  Calliope SAW all this?  Is this her Muse powers at work, letting her observe these things, or was she there?  And John certainly did NOT see ANY of what Calliope just said happen.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So we’re going to find that out if we haven’t already.  Maybe something to do with the way Vrissy just conks out narcoleptically?

JOHN: ...right. JOHN: so... let me just get this straight. JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything? JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal? CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not. CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm. JOHN: oh.

Um, what?

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval. CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality. CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

No plot-armor for your entire timeline, I guess, yep.  Outside of canon, we can imagine and write about ANYTHING happening to the characters, or just drop their existence entirely, much like a doomed offshoot timeline.  It’s a plot stability that depended heavily on the threat of Lord English and being trapped in a story, and without it things are bound to see a BIT chaotic (or “degrading” if you view it as subjected to the whims of fanfic writers, certainly).

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth. CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher. ROXY: its total bs is what it is CALLIOPE: right, yes. CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite. CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Ah fuck.  You’re going to regulate non-canon?  “Canonize” it?  Is the fact that you eventually succeed at whatever it is you’re trying to do part of why we have the story presented to us in this bifurcated structure?

ROXY: this is finally where u come in jegbert ROXY: we gots quests for yous CALLIOPE: hee hee, yes. CALLIOPE: or *a* quest, to be specific. JOHN: oh boy! ROXY: (this fkin nerd i s2g)

Roxy and Calliope setting him on this quest as a Rogue of Void and a Muse of Space feels fitting.

JOHN: i'm not sure how i can go about freeing us from a hellish space prison, but i'm up for giving it a try i guess? JOHN: i have... literally nothing better to be doing at this point. except for maybe hanging out with harry anderson. ROXY: nice save lol

YEAH WE’RE STILL GLOSSING OVER HOW YOU LEFT HIM UNPROTECTED, JERK

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix JOHN: oh. JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then. ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity. ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan. CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak. CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself? CALLIOPE: ... CALLIOPE: phew. okay, i'm finished. CALLIOPE: CALLIOPE: sorry, that took longer than i expected to go throUgh.

..............................

OOooooh, kay.

Whatever this is, it’s going to be really weird and PROBABLY infuriating and/or shippy, and I’m probably not going to like it.  Plus it seems like it’s some sort of inverse belated canonization of some other black-hole-rescue theories I went on about at some point.  Although, related to that link, “aspect of freedom” if anyone wasn’t paying attention!  That’s a (sorta-)canon mention of the purpose of it!

They’re going to attention-wh-- attention-hog themselves out of the black hole so that they’re “considered canon” too, or close enough.  Huh.

ROXY: what r u talking about cals that was great ROXY: i could listen 2 u plotsplain for years CALLIOPE: oh you >u< ROXY: fyi this was why i wanted u to get a move on eggbread ROXY: so callie could have more time 2 infodump ROXY: thats love bitchhhhhh JOHN: hahaha. JOHN: ok, well, i think i understood all that?

Love with who? Callie, John, both?

In reality, John isn’t sure what most of this means. But on balance, it feels okay? He’s gone back and forth about a hundred times in the last week about where his place in everything is, so he might as well ride this out. Plus, the last time a Lalonde kind of told him to do something, he thinks that he chose not to, and look where that got him. And it’s not like he has other plans. He may as well do this! It’s at least going to get him involved in things again, if nothing else. He turns to go, and then hears a sound. It’s the sound of feet and knocking on doors, echoed through stone and digital static.

Oh shit.  Is Andrew trapped behind some fourth walls behind the curtains.

> (==>)

Oh RIGHT also that DEVICE is where they want to bring Vriska.  Are they going to overturn part of canon itself with a super-retcon thus making this timeline unbelievably relevant or--?  Maybe make all the PESTERQUESTS canon or something?!  I don’t know.  Maybe they’re INTENTIONALLY starting the game like Vriska wanted to??????

Guh, this is something so big that I don’t WANT to theorize about it, do I.

JOHN: did you hear that? ROXY: wha ROXY: oh yeah uh ROXY: i may have messaged rose and kan and jade to check on them too ROXY: so its prob onea them showin up ROXY: they don’t need to know bout all this tho ROXY: we got time to chat with them b4 u go get vriska

No, even if it’s a knock at the somehow-top-level-house-even-under-buried-- oh, right, maybe it’s covering in part a monitoring system that looks up there.  But still, part of that sound was DOUBTLESS these two hiding something, all standing in front of the curtain like that.

JOHN: i’ll go stall em. ROXY: thx babe ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine. ROXY: oh good ok see u up there soon!

How is calling your significant other “babe” not cool REGARDLESS of gender?!  Like wasn’t that always cool? --Oh wait is it because they’re not together or... but... guh, I don’t know.

Anyway, see y’all after the holidays at least.