#and then when my dad died like idk . i kinda wish he was still here

[kavehpilled]

moved into my moms house today and i couldnt feel any weirder about it

[carmenized-onions]

Do the Thing! | Toilet Repair

logline; Today's itinerary: Fix the toilet, catch up with Syd, try not to cry when everyone asks you where you've been.

series history; Previous Chapter

portion; 7.1k+ (this shit got away from me man, idk what to say)

possible allergies; Negative self-talk (It's the Bear, babe, everyone's sad). I did no research on plumbing and am truly making it the fuck up-- I know for a fact I'm not using any word correctly and I simply will not be fixing it. Reader eats meat!! Specifically pork!! Your 'name' is 100% just Tony now.

pairing; Carmen 'Carmy' Berzatto & Fem Reader (No pronouns, but 'handywoman' and 'Miss' are said. Plus a chest reference).

you ever start writing and you just cannot seem to find an end so you keep going forever? yeah.

“I think my name is just Tony now.”

You sip your overpriced orange juice. You really have to fucking savour it, now a days. That’s like 25 cents a sip, and Syd’s treating you to this breakfast outing, so it’s not even your own wallet on the line here.

“You lose all sense of identity, in a restaurant.” Syd straightens her back, mocking her very own mechanical movements of whenever she steps in a kitchen. “I am Chef.”

This diner isn’t more than two blocks down from The Bear. It was probably your second favourite spot in this neighbourhood. Probably still is. Sitting in the back corner booth (your favourite) with Syd is nice but distracting. She’s been updating you on everything since the catering scene and her botched credit, and you’re absorbing all of it, you swear, it’s just hard to not remember why this was your favourite booth.

Not because it’s seats are the least worn in, not because it’s got the right amount of sun through the window without blinding you, but because of the company you kept here. You’re trying to not notice your own name carved into the table. Especially since it’s not your handiwork.

You laugh at Syd’s joke on time, thank God. No awkward pause. “Yeah, you fuckin’ are. Head, right?”

She nods. “It’s cool. It’s like, vomit-worthy stressful but also…”

“You wish you were dead when you’re there, but you’d rather be dead than do anything else?”

“Yessir.” She nods again, digging further into her pancakes. “I really fucking owe you, by the way.”

“You’re paying me off through breakfast.” You wave her off. “Plus, I was available and it was like maaayybe 5 minutes of manual labour, it’s nothing.”

“Y’know what?” She hums, “I think actually, you owe me.”

“Yeah?” You grin.” Please, let me clear my debts, Syd?”

She smiles, pointing her fork at you. “You owe me the fuckin’ Beef background I’ve apparently not unlocked. Everyone was talking about you after.”

“Good things?”

“Vague things. Shit made me even more curious.”

You laugh. No shit they’d be vague. What can they say? “When my dad was running the repairmen gig, Cicero or Fak would call him in—”

“Oh fuck.” She snaps her fingers, seemingly in realization. “Your dad’s the connection!”

“The connection?”

“Fak said he had a connection for our fire safety test shit, and then said he didn’t—”

“Ah.” You nod knowingly. “Dad cut the cord on his business phone when it transferred to me, didn’t really keep people updated. Whoops.”

She nods, taking another bite of her pancakes, speaking mid-chew. “You could’ve saved our asses way faster, and I’ll-I'll never forgive you, but continue.”

Snickering, you continue, “Well, they’d call my dad in, and then my dad would call me in as his like, like his fuckin’ Sous of Repairs. And shit broke all the time at the Beef, as I’m sure you’re well aware, so I hung out around Mikey and everyone a lot.”

“Ah. N’ then…”

“He fuckin’ died.” You laugh, because there’s no way to say it smooth, so you might as well say it bad. You stretch out your arms and lean back in the booth. “I kinda took a step back, after that, so we didn’t manage to crossover ‘til now. S’ironic that you’re the one that brought me back instead of an oldie, honestly.”

She desperately wants to ask more about Mike, but she can tell now is not the time, so she just lets it lie and moves on. “You stopped being an EMT to take up the handyman shit, then?”

“Yessir.” You nod, finishing your straggling home fries. “Just kinda made sense to trade off, and I didn’t want to see the family bizz die. Do I have to occasionally pick up shifts bartending to make rent during slow months? Yes. But I also don’t watch people die anymore, so that’s a win.”

“In a way, you’re watching people die still, just slowly.”

You bite down hard to stifle any semblance of a smile or laughter, deadpanning, just to see her squirm in awkwardness for a moment. It works with flying colours, of course it does. It’s Syd. She’s still Syd. You speak at the same time.

“Cause of the alcohol?” “Cause—Cause of the alcohol.”

You both break into laughter, she throws her napkin at you. “Can’t stand you, oh my god. Let’s go clock in.”

She pays your bill before you can try to sneak your card in, which feels all too familiar, and you’re off.

Off to fix an exploded toilet.

“How the fuck do you fix an exploded toilet?”

Your hands rub over your face, lifting your safety goggles for a second. Too fucking foggy. Too fucking sweaty. Plumbing never really was your biggest strength. You’re staring at the bane of your existence, and it’s the latrine. How far we fall.

“You good, Cousin?” You hear from behind. You don’t need to turn to know it’s Richie in the doorway. It’s a fair question, you’re sitting criss-cross in front of a toilet, head in hands.

“Yeah, Cousin, I’m good.” Your words are muffled by your hands. Fully not cousins. For the record. You would argue you're not even that close, but he'd slap you upside the head. You turn to look at him over your shoulder. “Can you like, get me a pen and note pad? I need to like, strategize an attack.”

“It’s not that bad, Cousin—” “It’s that bad.” “Just tape the—” “Fuck off with the tape!”

You click your teeth, staring at the gurgling porcelain before you— At least it’s clean, it’s just fucked. “I shut the valve and it didn’t do shit. I think I have to remove it entirely so I can see what’s going on with the underground pipe.”

“Heard.” Richie and you both know that his hotfix handiwork has absolutely contributed to this penultimate mess you’re in now, but you’re both letting that go quietly for now. “You charge by hour or service?”

“Service flat rate and then after two hours it’s by hour.”

He hums, knocking his fist on the doorway a few times before walking away. “Pen and pad, Chef.”

“Not a Chef!”

“Term of Respect, Chef!”

You tap your leg incessantly, groaning like you’ve got an 80-year-old body as you stand to your feet. Richie’s grown a lot. He wears suits now. Hasn’t even poked at you for vanishing. Though you have a feeling it’s coming. If not from him, from someone.

You step out into the hall, leaned against the wall with your arms crossed as you wait for your pen and pad. And now you just have more time and a better view to take in how much has changed.

Gutted. A few walls gone. Makes sense, you told Mikey he was getting a mold problem. He never listened. Seats are new. The booths are the all-around style ones now. Ritzy. It’s too good for this neighbourhood. Is that a good thing? Yeah, right? Despite the fact that The Bear should feel out of place, you feel out of place being in it. Could you afford to eat here? Could the people who work here afford to eat here? Syd said she’s not getting paid for the next few months, so at the very least, the Head Chef can’t.

“Strange?” Tina sidles up to you on the wall, wiping her hands on her apron. Completely knocking you out of your dissociative fugue state.

“Yeah.” You nod, a little too quickly, that felt judgey, you correct, uncrossing your arms. “It’s daunting, I think; to see it all at once rather than slowly built in. Like, I know objectively this is very cool, but—”

Tina hums with understanding. “Feels gutted?”

“Was gutted.” You nod. “Doesn’t mean I don’t like it, it’s just, I dunno. Adjustment period, all that.”

“I needed a second too, but Jeff is good. Change has been good.” You nod like you know who Jeff is. “Carmen, I mean.” Your nod is now significantly more understanding. She smiles, you’re a little surprised to see Tina’s got a lot more insight than she used to. She pulled the thought of Carmen right out of your subconscious before you even detected it for yourself. “He’s good. You’ll see.”

You nod. You know the good she means is not Michelin Star Good. You already know that. He’s Mikey good. Person good. You clear your throat. “How’s Louis?”

“Good. Y’know, he’s getting to that age, getting in trouble. S’been a while since he’s had a good influence.” She nudges you. There it is. There’s the poke. The ‘where have you been?’ The ‘it’s been a year’. The— “Y’know, Chef didn’t come to the funeral neither.”

That one you didn’t expect, your head swivels to her hard. “Carmen didn’t go?”

His brother didn’t go? Oh, who the fuck are you to judge...

She nods, practically with her whole body, she looks more amused than anything. But like, mom amused. The worst amused. “You’re both the sensitive type.”

You cock your head at her, raising a brow. Smirking slightly. “Wow, Tina, I thought you changed too but you still talk your shit, eh?”

“I’m not talking shit!” She laughs, hands up in defence. “I’m just saying, you’re alike.” You hope that the laughter makes her forget the topic but it doesn’t.

“Where have you been?” She softens. She’s not asking to be mean, she’s asking out of concern. Why does that make it feel worse?

You tuck your hands in your pockets and retrain your eyes on hers, even if it feels bad. “Thought time and distance would heal all wounds.”

“Did they?”

Before you can answer, “Pen delivery, cousin!” Richie returns, triumphantly, with a pen and pad held high in the sky. He makes you jump for it. You elbow him in the gut, not hard. “Fuck off, Rich…” He keels over enough for you to grab it. “Thank you, chef.”

You turn back to Tina, who you now realize has spent half her smoke break on you. She nods to you, and then the bathroom door. “I’ll let you get back to it.” You nod in return. When she turns to walk away, you grab her shoulder.

“Tina.” She turns again. You should say something. Something vulnerable and thankful. Words of affirmation are not your thing. But maybe they could be, “If you end up with a dead plate—” Or maybe not.

She grins, and part of you is concerned by this, but she waves you off, giggling like she knows something you don’t. Already walking off. “You’re gonna be taken care of, Terry, don’t worry.”

This is a bad new nickname scheme. The fridge guy is just gonna end up being called ‘fridge guy’ if you take all his names.

It’s maybe three hours later. 11 am ish. You’ve finally put the toilet back in place, the pipes fixed underground— Which is a huge win of progress, the problem is, it’s just seemed to open the toilet’s ability to have other problems that need to be addressed. There’s a strong chance you’ll be here until you die. And even after that, this stupid toilet will still be gurgling, outliving you.

But you seriously have to eat something, so you scrub yourself clean, set your safety equipment down, and head out of the bathroom for a much-needed stretch of the legs— And to hopefully get a plate from Tina.

On your way to the kitchen, you’re stopped and walked backwards to a booth in the corner by Richie. “Hey, Miss, happy to serve you today, my name’s Richard but you can call me Richie, how’re you doin’ this fine morning?”

They’ve yet to open front of house, so you play along, taking your seat with a laugh. “I’m doing perfect, Richie, how are you?”

He nudges the air . “Ey, better now that you’re here, ah? Can I get a drink started for you?”

“Really gonna practice your set on me?”

He shrugs, still smiling. “If you don’t use it, you lose it.”

You hum, then rub your temples, the headache is setting in— Not cause of him, just been a tough morning. “Just your coldest fuckin’ glass of water, Rich.”

“Right away, Cousin.” He slips off into the kitchen.

When the door swings open again, it’s not Richie coming with your ice water, but Carmen— It’s your first time seeing him since the walk-in. When you came in this morning with Syd, it was Nat that gave you the quick briefing on the schedule and goals for today.

“Tony.” He hums, corners of his mouth just slightly upturned. The nickname has stuck. Goddamn. He sets the water down in front of you, along with a plate— Covered by a cloche—Or the silver lid thing, whatever.

“Carmy.” You only mean to mimic his tone, but then cringe. “Is Carmy fine?”

He pauses mid slide into the booth, sitting across from you. He seemed all cool and collected and is now suddenly extremely caught off guard. Already sweaty. “Y-yeah, I’m better, thank you—”

“No, I meant—” It is so difficult to hold back laughter. You deserve an Oscar.

You’re not doing great to be fair but like, still, Oscar worthy attempt.

“I meant like, like is the nickname okay?”

The horrors just keep piling on his face, and you can’t help but feel guilty. No shit he feels like he’s starting on a lower playing field here. You knew his dead brother, you know his Head Chef, your first time meeting him was at quite possibly his lowest moment and biggest mistake— Of which you had to coax him out of, and now he’s misunderstanding every innocent question you have for a inquiry into his psyche.

He clears his throat for objectively too long of a time. “Carmy is fine. Tony is fine?”

“I’m doing okay, yeah.”

Thank God, he laughs, awkward sure but objectively amused.

You nod down to the covered plate, smiling, “Fuck is this?”

He leans forward in his seat to get a hand over the lid. “I, uh. Made you a thing. As thanks or like, an— an apology.”

Ah. That’s why Tina was laughing about you getting taken care of.

He lifts the lid, and what is revealed, if you weren’t careful, would be enough to make you cry. Thankfully, the shock registers as uproarious laughter, one that Carmen cannot help but join.

“What the fuck?”

Pork brisket sandwich. Something that Mikey made for you, specifically. Because you said one time you were more of a pork fan than beef and he absolutely lost it. In a cute way, though. Said ‘Oh, I’ll make you fuckin’ pork, alright?’ You’re not sure if he won or lost the argument, because you did find it better.

“I, uh, we had some cuts left over that we weren’t gonna be able to fuckin’ use, and uh, Tina showed me this, this recipe card, last night.” He slides over the very same brisket recipe Mikey had written down. Little doodles of angry faces and Xs over pigs in the margins.

“He was so fuckin’ mad.” You snort, looking at it. “All I fuckin’ said was I had a preference!”

“In The Beef!”

“He asked!” You quickly defend, through laughter. “And it tastes fucking good. All he did was prove my fuckin’ point— And spent hours doing it. Were you here overnight for this, slowcooking?”

He shakes his head, though there’s a hesitation in it— So you’re not privy to completely believe him. He sniffs, swiping at his nose “I, uh, just came in early. Had to fix some shit anyways.”

He’s staring at the sandwich, then occasionally you, expectantly. You look at him with equal expectance.

“Well?” You start.

“Well?” He astutely adds.

You nod down at the dish. “Do the thing.”

“The thing?”

You pick up one half of the sandwich, but you’ve got no plans of eating until he satisfies this craving first.

“The thing Syd does where she explains why she’s proud of her dish and why I should care. I know it’s Mikey’s, but you clearly made changes.”

“Oh. Uh…” He was both expecting and not expecting this soap box. “So, followed the rub to a T— Well, with a salt bed, this time. Put it on brioche instead of the old shit. And I uh, added uhm—” He snaps his fingers, staring at the sandwich in your hand. “Added pickled red onion, for acid and sweet, and garlic confit. I’m—I’m happy with my spin on it.”

You whistle as a form of praise, he flushes with a glow of pride and is desperately trying to not show it. He’s proud because it’s curated, personal. Ah, he is Mikey good. You nod and take a bite, trying to control your reaction. Worst part about having Artists as friends (especially chefs): They fucking stare so hard when you’re taking in their work. And they’re over analyzing every micro expression. He’s no different.

Fuck. It’s fucking good. Is it bad that it’s better than anything Mikey ever made? Nah, that’s how he’d want it.

“Ah fuck, that sucks—” Is the first thing you say, and his face falls, “Expensive food is worth it.” Right back up. Easy to please. “It’s really good, Chef. Thank you. Did you try it yet?”

He shakes his head, so you push the plate with the other half of the sandwich— It’s brisket, anyways. You’ll be full by the end of this one. Portions generous. He looks momentarily hesitant, which is cute, but inevitably leans forward and takes the sandwich. He nods with each chew.

He hums when he finishes chewing, pointing emphatically at you, though his voice is neutral. “You don’t like something, though.”

“What?”

“What’s wrong with it?” He stares at into the cross section of his bite. “Chewy? Texture?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it.” You’re quick to deny.

He shakes his head, hand over his mouth to hide the sauce on his mouth. “M’not gonna be hurt.”

“There’s nothing wrong with the dish, Carmen.” You take another bite to prove your point. Also you’re hungry. Two things can be true.

He zones in on the emphasis immediately. “It’s the plate, isn’t it? I told Syd—”

“Your tables aren’t bolted.” You interrupt, swiftly. Mouth semi-full.

“Huh?”

You put your sandwich down and swallow, taking your time with it. “Your booth tables.”

You knock on the pristine wood with the joints of your left hand. You swivel your body to look under the table, he follows suit, meeting you there. His left leg has been violently shaking, but he’s thought you wouldn’t notice it until now.

You put a hand on his knee to stop the shaking. He bristles, slightly, but you’re not even doing it on purpose. Your focus isn’t on him. It was making the table imperceptibly shift— Which, of course, you clocked. You tap your foot to the bottom of the table leg. No screws. “They aren’t bolted down.”

You lift yourself back up, moving your hand back to yourself in tandem. He stares at it for a little longer. How you noticed that, he will never know. Repairmen are a different breed…

“I just thought it was a weird choice. Nothing wrong with it, per say. Maybe you wanna test different layouts.” You shrug, taking another bite.

“The booths aren’t bolted either.” He adds, lifting his head up above the table, finally. “I don’t— we’re not gonna fuck with the layout, I don’t think.”

“Should get Fak on that, then.”

“Fak’s big-timing us.” You cock your brow, mid chew. He explains. “He’s focusing on hosting, f'now.”

You nod, swallowing, hand in front of your mouth so you can lick the sauce off your upper lip in non-humiliated peace. “This another job for me, then?”

“If you’ll take it.”

“If your fuckin’ toilet doesn’t kill me, I will.”

“How’s that going?”

You shake your hand so-so. “Ask me in two to three hours how it’s going.”

“Heard.” He sighs, leaning back in the booth. The stress is too apparent not to ask.

“How’s the second day open going?”

“I’m not in a fuckin’ freezer, so that’s a win.” Oh-ho, he’s acknowledging it. You were very comfortable forgetting that moment for his sake. “Thanks, uh, f’ that.”

You shake your head, shrugging off the thanks. You lift your last few bites of the sandwich to him. “You’re good. You’ve gifted me brisket. You relax since?”

“Not really.” He replies bluntly, taking a deep inhale. He pulls at his face from the top down, with both hands. Oof. Bad sign. “I think I’ll be good by tomorrow. Gonna get off early, tonight.”

“You don’t seem happy about that.”

“Ask me in two t’ three days if I’m happy about it.”

Back to work and this is taking so much fucking longer than it needs to take. Why is there tape there? Fucking Richie. Fucking Fak. Fucking Mikey. Godssake. Pipes are fixed. Water pressure is fixed. What the fuck is still wrong with it? What the fuck is wrong with you? Everyone is going to hate you if you can’t fix this. You’ve been here for like 5 hours and you can’t figure out what’s fucking wrong here? You’re nothing. You’re—

The toilet does you the favour of knocking you out of your episode by spraying you in the fucking face, soaking through the top of your jumpsuit. With a groan, you unzip the upper half and tie the wet sleeves around your waist. “Son-of-a-bitch.”

Maybe you just need a change in task for a second. Also, a new t-shirt, because your tank did not survive the waterworks either. This room isn’t the thing you need right now. You slip down the hall to the kitchen. “Who needs a coffee? Or water?”

There’s a chorus of orders, all of which sound like you’ve just asked ‘who wants a gift from God?’, which, you might as well have. This is what you like about being a handyman. The relief you bring. You just need a smidge of praise to get through the rest of this job. You’ve got this.

The small, but serviceable coffee machine in very back of the kitchen calls your name, but Richie sticks his arm out, blocking you from walking past expo up front.

“Hol’ up, Cousin, you look like a fuckin’ wet dog.”

“Well, what ‘ya gonna do about it?” You retort, despite the retort not honestly making any sense, you put your hands on your hips. “Do you want a fuckin’ coffee or not?”

He rolls his eyes, falling back onto the balls of his feet before walking off. “Ey, Sug, are those shirts still in the basement—”

You’ve won for now. You scrub your hands clean before getting to work. This is good. Oooh, Marcus has fresh coffee beans (that he’s willing to share!)— This is easy. You can already fix most broken things, but a machine that actually fucking works? Baby, you can make that sing.

Plus, the bartending gigs you’ve done don’t make you a barista by any means, but they certainly don’t hurt. Oooh, Marcus has syrups! Fuck it. Steamed and frothed milk. That toilet has you on your ass, you need to go above and beyond here. Make each cup personal. You need a win in the form of admiration.

You gather a tray of coffees (and a water for Sweeps, who is too fucking sweaty for a hot drink right now, so fair), all varying in milks, sugars, syrups, intensity. “Coffee run, I hand ‘em out, don’t just take! Corner!”

Ebra, to no one’s shock, likes his coffee black— But, and he’ll tell no one this, you just know it on instinct— He likes it a little too watery. “Good.” Who are you to judge? He likes what he likes.

Tina would take hers black for simplicity, if you let her, but of course you don’t. 2 sugars, foamed milk, chocolate and cinnamon syrup. “Too good to me.” It’s too worth it, when she says it like that and slaps your cheek. Balm of the soul.

Marcus, who watched you make these, did opt to let his imagination run too wild and added one of every syrup to his own cup, wanting to experiment with you. It doesn’t taste good. You switch it for a spiced coffee when he’s not looking. He’s silently very thankful.

After handing out a few more to the new cooks, you come up to Syd. “Take this one, take this one.” Then whisper, so no one knows you are displaying supreme favouritism. “It’s the one oat milk latte I made.”

She turns to you from her station, then darts looks over her shoulder like she’s making an under the table deal before grabbing it from you. She takes a delighted sip, eyes rolling just slightly in the relief of caffeine, she nods. “Fire, Chef.” Ah. This will get you through the day alone.

It also gets you through the willpower it takes to ignore Fak running by you to steal a coffee off your tray. Out of the corner of your eye, you point to the one meant for him— As if you didn’t make it for him, c’mon…

“How’s bathroom?” Syd asks, taking another long sip.

I’m going to fucking explode, not unlike your drainage pipe. “Needed a thinking break, but I’ve made a lot of progress. How’s kitchen?”

“Made a lot of progress. Auto-piloting through this prep.” She looks down at her cutting board, cracking back to it. “Latte helps, a lot, thank you. You should join for family, if you’re still here for it. Unless you don’t want more brisket.”

Fuck. She doesn’t think you’re so slow that you’re gonna be here until family, does she? “Yeah, maybe.” You look around, three coffees still on the tray. “...Where’s Carmen?”

She grimaces. Uh oh. The tension she glossed over at breakfast is still definitely there. She nods her head to the back door. “Smoke break. Or temper tantrum. I don’t fuckin’ know. Don’t tell him I said that.” You laugh, nodding. “You think a coffee would help—” “Please.”

“Corner!” Yells Richie, returning to you. He silently flicks out a shirt for you, holding it up proudly, ‘THE BERF’ stares back at you. You give it a solid five seconds to process before you say anything.

“Collector’s item...” You nod, tone sarcastically impressed. You pivot your shoulder for him to throw it over, hands too busy.

“That’s what I fuckin’ said!” He throws it over your shoulder. “No one fuckin’ listens, these days.”

You bite back laughter and nod, handing him his coffee. Hot. Dark. Two sugars. And, to his delighted surprise, a touch of cinnamon syrup. “Oh, fuck, missed your twists, Chip.”

You wince at what was a long-forgotten nickname, and so does Richie. Funny how remembering origins can do that to you. He’d just said it so instinctively, really. “My bad—”

“Chip is good.” You interrupt, rolling your shoulders back. And it is good, really. “It’s kinda—It’s kinda comforting.” It’s nice to not forget. He nods, and you give each other the ‘we are still so fucked, eh?’ smile before lovingly bumping shoulders as he returns to expo and you head to the back alley.

Carmen’s squatting, cigarette in one hand, creating a halo of smoke around him, and his phone in the other. He snaps out of his mental fog when the door opens, slipping his phone into the pocket of his apron like he’s got a secret to hide.

You hesitate at the doorway, maybe this is not the moment. “Sorry, Chef, I just wanted to offer a coffee? If you need air alone—”

“No, no, I’m good—” He’s quick to correct, then even quicker to correct himself. “I— I’ll take a coffee, I mean. You can stay, s’fine.”

He reaches for it when you sit next to him, but you pull the tray back to hand him the correct one. “Sorry, I—I like, did a thing, for yours. I dunno how you take your coffee, so I thought I’d do it weird.”

He takes the cup, eying it curiously. “Do it weird?”

“Do it like, like a Chef. Can’t make anything fuckin’ simple. The lot of you.”

He hums, amused, staring at the cup, then looks at you expectantly. “Well?”

“Well?”

“Do the thing.”

You snort, shaking your head. “Oh, fuck off.”

“C’mon, tell me why I should care.” He teases.

“Ah, fuck.” You sniff, oh to have your own words turned on you. Looking at the coffee in his hands, “I figured you’d like strong black coffee, but like, complex. So, it’s got like, cardamom and lavender n’ maple syrup. Shout out Marcus.” He smiles. “And then, I know I did just say black coffee but I wanted the aesthetic so I spooned foamed milk on top and sprinkled on some dried lavender.” You take your own cup in hand, putting the tray down. “If you hate it, we’ll trade.”

He pays close attention to your explanation. Man, his eye contact is simultaneously so soft and so scary. He takes a sip. Let’s it sit in his mouth for a second. “Excellent, Chef.”

Oh, if Syd’s ‘Fire’ could get you through the day, Carmen’s ‘Excellent’ will get you through the week to spare. You hide the way you beam by drinking your own coffee.

“How’re you doing?” It’s far too obvious that he’s had something heavy on his head all day, but you’re not going to say the quiet part loud, yet.

He takes a long time to respond. “I, uh…” And when he does, it’s weak. “I’m alright, yeah. I’m alright.”

You nod repeatedly, digesting the huge lie. “Ask me how I’m doing.”

He squints. “…How’re you—”

“Fuckin’ terrible, Carm.” You cut him off, putting your cup down next to him, standing up. You speak emphatically, gesturing with your whole body.

“I’m at my wits, Chef. Completely out of my depth. I fix the main pipe, I fix the water pressure, I triple check the tank, I fuckin’ power cycle the valve— I’m absolutely at a loss as to why it’s still gurgling— Why it shot water straight at my tits— Close your eyes, if you care, by the way.”

With barely any warning you peel off your tank top, you’ve got a bra, it’s fine. It’s very cute that he still looks away. You slip the new shirt over your head as you speak, muffling the words.

“—I’m wearing a shirt that says Berf, and the only way I can feel any semblance of not being utterly useless is by making coffees so good everyone has to praise me for them. And now I’m telling the fucking owner, my boss for the day all this.”

He nods, slowly. There is perhaps, not a single person in his life that has ever been this forthright. Someone he hasn’t had to over-analyze or dig into to figure out what’s actually going on. It is refreshing, terrifying, and for some reason, removing your walls have completely shattered his.

“So.” You lower your head to his level where he sits. “How are you doing, Chef?”

He takes a long sip of his coffee. Stews on the question before he spills his guts, calmly. “I’m sitting outside of the restaurant I started that I own, and my brother should be here, but he’s not and— And I was locked in a fuckin’ freezer on my opening night, which was my own fuckin’ fault— And the tape is wrong and the painting is stupid and that new hire did meth so now we’re down one.” He takes a deep breath.

“And we have Heinz instead of Frenchies, and it’s fine. That’s the fucked part— It’s fine. The ship did not sink without me— It went fine. Better, maybe. My problems aren’t fuckin’ problems. I’m just making it worse for myself— everyone. And I know Syd is mad at me, and I know my— My girlfriend? Is mad at me, and I know that I’m gonna break up with her tonight because I’m not meant to be— that.” He says the last part fast, more to himself than you, really. And then he finally looks back up at you.

“And I’m telling all of this to the person who saved me from hypothermia and a fuckin’—Fuckin’ meltdown, who probably thinks— knows that I’m a psycho.”

You take a beat before nodding, sitting next to him again, arms crossed. Silent. Contemplative. “I have thoughts.”

He nods, taking a drag. “Don’t pull punches.”

“Well, to start most honestly, we must remember, I love Syd. So, I’m not gonna mince about her.”

“Heard.”

You recall everything Sydney had told you at breakfast. The recap of how she got to this point. “Syd isn’t mad at you, she’s disappointed and distrustful.”

He grimaces. “That sounds worse.”

“It is.”

“Oh.”

“But in a way you can fix.”

“How?”

“Handle shit different. Actually show up to shit and make calls. Manage your priorities by urgency— Not by favourites. If I broke my fuckin’ arm and your ‘girlfriend’ had a runny nose, who are you taking to the hospital?”

“You can’t take yourself?”

“Bitch?”

“Kidding. Heard. What else?”

“You’re not gonna tell her I said this because she would rather die than tell someone she wants something.” You lean closer to him, peeking over your shoulder to make sure no one’s secretly come from the kitchen. You knock into his knees.

He takes another drag, short, choked. “Sure.”

“You were kind of a bitch about the menu.”

“The chaos menu? She said—”

“She fucking lied. She lied when she said it was fine, Carm, it does not take a psychic to read Syd’s mind.” You interrupt, taking a sip of your coffee. “She was so excited to get to build a menu, especially with—” you, “—a partner, and then you completely ditched her. And then you just made your own! Total control freak shit! Cut her out of the fun part of being head chef completely! You get to invent masterpieces and she picks out the best cheap plate? Fuck is that?”

He nods contemplatively, poking his inner cheek. “Yeah, that, that makes sense. That’s shitty.” He turns his gaze from looking ahead to face you, hand over the bottom half of his face. “What else?”

“You’re reactive.”

“No shit.”

“How long do you think you were locked in the walk-in for?”

He swallows, thinking. “Like… an hour?”

“It had been 23 minutes.”

“Oh.”

“You catastrophize, it’s a fancy therapy word,” You cannot help but be impressed by this white man writing down the word in his phone for later. “It means, basically, when something bad happens you blow it completely out of proportion into something it isn’t. Your opening night was definitely a bummer from being in a freezer— But be honest with yourself, would you have let yourself have a good night if you weren’t in there?”

“…No.”

“No. Which is also bad. Which brings me to my key point.”

He tenses up, preparing for you to rip into him further.

“You’re doing a good job, Carmy.”

He immediately swivels back to you, almost dropping his phone. Knee knocking into yours. “Fuck off.”

“I will not.”

“You just said I was a catastrophe.”

“Fully not what I said.”

“I read between the lines.”

“Carmen.”

You take a breath, putting your arms on your knees, bent over. “The restaurant is beautiful, your cooks are talented and they’re prepared— So prepared that they can handle 23 minutes without you. That’s a good thing. You’re threaded into The Bear— The ship didn’t sink, not because you weren’t there, but because you had been. Everyone had the tools they needed to succeed, even with Heinz, a Mid painting, and torn tape. And listen—” You take one last sip of your coffee. “You need to check your ego if you think you’re the first man I’ve coaxed through a panic attack while doing a repair.”

He laughs, half-heartedly. He scratches his nose. “Heard. Yeah, thank you, Chef.”

“I don’t know shit about the meth thing though, I really couldn’t tell you.” You smile when this coaxes a better laugh out of him. You’re considering a career in stand up exclusively for him because it feels like such a reward to hear it.

“And the girl?” He asks. Amusement tinging but leaving his voice.

You click your teeth, shrugging your shoulders at him. “Based purely on your hesitation to say girlfriend, I’d say yeah, probably not ready for a relationship.” You reach your hand out to his shoulder when he flops his head down. “But, just asking, is this your first relationship?”

He thinks for too long before nodding slightly. “First one.”

“First restaurant too?”

He nods again.

“Yeah.” You pat his shoulder before letting it go, opting to hold your cooling cup. “I know you’re a Michelin star fuckin’ big deal but like, me personally, I can’t name a thing I got perfect the first time I did it.”

There’s something in his eyes, when you say that. Something wistful, nostalgic, hurt? No. Something different.

“It’s not that I didn’t do perfect—”

“You’ll do better next time.”

He wrings his hands together between his knees. “Yeah.”

“You’re gonna be fine, Carm.”

“You’re good at that.” He sniffs, head down, scratching his nose.

“At what? Self-help?”

He exhales what just barely sounds like a laugh. “Kinda. S’just, when you say it, you say it in a way where I actually believe it.”

You’re getting the fuck out of here before they open for dinner. You’re not letting anyone down tonight motherfucker. The Berf shall prevail. Maybe a win here will feel like a win for Carmen, too.

You run the sink to wash your hands, as you’ve done before here— But since fixing the pipes and the pressure… Something’s… different. You pause your scrubbing, listening closely.

…

When the sink is running, the gurgling flow of water from the toilet stops. Huh. You stop and start the faucet a few times to verify this. Yeah. You stare for a long moment before connecting the dots, then punch the sink in realization.

“Fucking Mikey!”

“What’d he do this time?”

You twist around. Ah, other sibling. Natalie. Clipboard in hand, business ready. You take a beat before remembering to smile, nodding to the sink behind you. “He connected the tank flow to the toilet and the sink with one wire.”

She tilts her head, squinting. “Why would he do that?”

“I suspect to save water?” You spin around, kneeling down to look behind the sink. “I think the idea was to have the sink not function when the toilet is flushing. But, it uh, well, did the reverse, kinda. Toilet doesn’t function when the sink isn’t running.”

“Oh.”

“So uh,” You shut the valve under the sink. “Your water bill should go down a little after this, since it won’t be running into what is an essentially a second trap pipe.”

“Oh!” Did she get what you said? No. But she doesn't need to. She heard ‘bill should go down’ and that’s really all she needed. “Thank you!”

“Not a problem. S’my job.” You stand, shutting off the valve to the toilet as well. As you kneel down to work again, you feel her gaze burning into your back. You don’t turn to face her. “You have questions.”

“Oh, ah… Am I so obvious—?”

“Yes.” You’re too quick to answer, unbolting the wires where it attaches to the toilet and the ground. You sniff with a panicked, “Ah, uh, it’s endearing.”

She’s quiet, for a moment. She doesn’t ask you what she actually wants to ask you, and you know that. “Well, I’ll need to exchange info for your invoice.”

“Ah, don’t worry ‘bout that, your brother already covered it.” You stand once more, before going to the sink to undo it’s valve, you fish through the deep pocket of your jumpsuit, pulling out a crumpled business card and handing it to her.

“But it’s good to have my info on hand, for sure. It’s ah… Kinda old.” Kinda is an understatement. Your dad’s name is still on it, scribbled out in pen and replaced with yours. The dead business line is also scribbled out in exchange for your personal cell.

“It’s uh… I usually only work for friends and family, these days, so I’ve kinda stopped trying to keep up appearances.”

She smiles at it. Thank God, she finds it charming and not sloppy. She tucks it into the clasp of her clipboard. “That’s fine, we are friends and family.”

All you can do is nod, pivoting to the sink. There's a beat of peace.

“Didn’t see you at the funeral.”

Ah. There it is. For a Bear, she sure knows how to poke one. You stutter in unscrewing the bolt.

“Would’ve been nice to meet you, then.”

You clear your throat, it's strangled. “Yeah, I think I was trying to avoid introductions, honestly. Grief comes in different ways, eh?”

“Does it?”

“Mine does.” You swallow, unbolting the wire. With it free, you can just yank it out of the wall. God, forgive your brain, but Mikey was right, she does like to fight. Too bad you don’t.

She just hums in reply, watching you pull the wire from the wall. “You’re a real lifesaver.”

Fuck. Fuck. Lifesaver? Is she fucking with you?

“That toilet sprayed me right in the face, yesterday. And you saved Carmen.” There’s an amused lilt to her voice. She’s not fucking with you. “There’s something about a handywoman that Fak cannot match.”

You can hear a faint ‘Hey!’ through the walls. You laugh through an exhale.

“Again, s’my job. I do my best. Did uh, what was it, Terry come by for the walk-in? I wasn’t looking when I was there.”

You sort through your tools, deciding caulking the holes closed is probably the best option.

“He came over basically overnight to fix it, bless him, still don’t know his name.”

You laugh, it’s a little strangled. So Carmen did stay overnight. He must’ve. You smooth out the caulk with your thumb and a palette knife. Blending it into the grout as best as you can. “Good. Good.”

You dust yourself off. Standing. “Well. That’s uh. That’s my job done. Carmen asked me about—”

“Bolting down the booths?” She nods, checking the time on her watch. There’s not enough time before lunch to do it now. Plus you don’t have the screws. “You’re free to come by in the morning tomorrow—”

“But?” You interrupt, throwing your tool bag over your shoulder.

“But?”

“You said free like you’ve got a preference, what do you prefer?”

She chuckles, slightly. There is something about you that feels familiar. “If you could come after close tonight around 12, that would be nice—”

“It’s done. I’ll be there.”

“Lifesaver. I'll give you the code.”

Fuck.

Always gotta give the reader/mc some sort of mysterious background that even you don't have all the info on. Always.

Hehehehe, again, we're slowing this burn so much. Strangers to Friends to lovers but they're both so comfortable in friends it's hard to move !!

Forewarning, btw, if you've already sunk 10k worth of words into your brain for me (thank you!! I hope you've enjoyed!!), I've never written smut before and I feel like I probably will not build up the courage to do so by the end of this series, but I could prove myself wrong, I dunno. But warning in case that's your thing!! I might blue ball you babe!!

Pretty please tell me your thoughts or I'll eat my Berf shirt. Collector's value!! Thrown away!!

Next Part

[your-unfriendlyghost]

I have two things to ask:

1.-Can we be friends?

2.-Do you have any Outsiders headcanons (or any that you haven't submitted yet)?

I mean sure?? Idk who you are since you’re on anon, so not REALLY, but I’m always down to talk!

2. Yeah lol- tons. Too many. Here’s a few (okay like 25 oops) off the top of my head lol, some serious/angsty and some lighthearted/kinda stupid without any real order. (Lotta ‘em are about Steve tbh -there’s so little to him in canon that I have the freedom to hc pretty much whatever I want)

Steve Randle’s nearsighted and has no idea, which is why he’s literally always squinting. (I’ve had that one for like months but only recently mentioned it on here lol.) Steve thinks his vision is completely normal

Dally and Sylvia genuinely cared for each other, but they were both so horrible at having healthy emotions that they just made each other worse. In a bad way, not a fun way.

When Steve gets kicked out, sometimes he hangs with Johnny in the lot. They don’t really talk about anything important like their shared experiences of having lousy parents. Instead they talk about cars, girls, music, school…lighthearted stuff. Sometimes Johnny will find Steve crying, which he never mentions- he’ll just sit down as per usual, which Steve appreciates. Steve almost never finds Johnny crying though. Johnny doesn’t cry much.

Okay tangent- I love how Steve and Johnny are low-key foils. Like Steve always seems tough but then cries when pushed to his limit, while Johnny always seems skittish until he’s under a bunch of pressure- in which case he suddenly is confident. (Not necessarily thriving obviously, but confident yk? Like grinning while saving those kids in the fire.) I know SE Hinton probably didn’t intend that at all, but it’s just such an interesting detail to me. One of these days I’ll put it into words better

Johnny’s jeans-jacket is a hand-me-down from either Steve or Two-Bit. (I can’t decide which lol) (obviously Dally would make sense too, but honestly I think it’d add more depth to flesh out Johnny’s relationships with the other members of the gang)

After the events of the book, Two-Bit starts hanging around the Curtis’s place even more. At first the gang assumes he’s trying to lighten the mood. It’s only after he gets sent to the cooler for a month due to drunk driving that they realize he was actually hanging around so much because he was trying to keep his kid sister from seeing him so drunk…

Two-Bit likes to joke that he keeps failing junior year so that him and his sister can graduate together. Which is a very bad idea since his sister is a year younger than Ponyboy.

Sodapop often feels like he’s only good for looking pretty and not all that useful or interesting otherwise. He likes himself, but when he stops to think about it too much, he starts to wonder if he really has anything going for him at all

My H/C for Steve’s home life is that his Mom is sick w/ like cancer or something. Before she got sick, Steve’s life was pretty alright for an eastsider- he and his dad fought, but they always made up for the most part. They weren’t perfect, but they loved each other. But after she got sick, she wasn’t there to mediate between Steve and his Dad anymore, and the fighting got worse and worse. And then Steve’s dad started drinking more and it was pretty downhill from there. Steve’s Dad still loves him, but sometimes Steve wishes that he didn’t. If he didn’t, then he could hate him. But his dad does love him, so he can’t get himself to.

Steve and Dally taught Johnny to drive when they were all like fourteen-fifteen-ish. Johnny is a very reckless driver. He loves speeding.

Johnny also loves fast roller coasters and stuff.

Dally doesn't ‘cuz he’s low-key scared of heights- he likes riding broncos and rodeos, but put him at the top of a roller coaster and he’s convinced that it’s gonna break and he’s gonna die. He pretends he doesn’t mind. The only people who know he’s scared of them are Johnny, and before she died, Mrs. Curtis.

Steve has a napoleon complex. Johnny, who is shorter than him by a few inches, likes to bully him for it sometimes

Ponyboy and Cherry don’t interact much in the school year after the book, but in the summer after, they start to hang out. Eventually they become pretty close. They fangirl over Paul Newman together

Ponyboy still doesn’t let Cherry read his theme though until years later

Marcia and Two-Bit re-meet a few months after the book. (Two-Bit is really scared that she’s embarrassed to be dating him, and Marcia is really scared that he’s embarrassed to be dating her. Neither of them are embarrassed. They both adore each other.)

Two-Bit likes to watch Marcia barrel racing. One time while he’s there, he runs into Ponyboy watching Cherry barrel race and immediately tells everyone much to Pony’s chagrin

Evie knows a little bit about cars, and she sometimes helps out at the DX during summers. Steve is so whipped for her lol (and Soda too Steve has two hands)

Evie and Sylvia are besties, but Steve and Sylvia hate each other. They act civil in front of Evie, but as soon as her back is turned they’re growling at each other like dogs. (Well Steve is. Sylvia just acts condescending as hell. Sometimes it goes over his head, so Steve knows she’s insulting him but isn’t sure what the insult is/means. Which makes Steve kinda want to kill her.)

Steve and Soda are low-key co-dependent. (Steve more so- Soda has his family at least, while to Steve, Soda and Evie are his whole world pretty much) It’s probably not super healthy, and both of them are vaguely aware of that, but are trying not to think about it too hard rn

Ponyboy’s friend group in high school consists of Curly Shepard, Mark Jennings, Scout Jenkins (from the tv show), and eventually, in her senior year, Cherry Valance. (There’s others too but those are the main ones.)

Pony dates Cathy Carlson for a while too, idk if they’re good for each other or not- I kinda like the idea of them being a sweet couple tbh, but no one else on here seems to care about them so I haven’t really explored the idea much lol

In a Dally lives au, Mark Jennings and Dally end up spending a bit of time together through Pony, and at some point they realize that they’re half-brothers lol. Mark is a deeply obnoxious little brother to have, and he drives Dally nuts on purpose. Weirdly I think Dally’s a relatively good influence on him, as much as someone like Dally can be. And Dally does care for Mark, though not as much as he cares for Johnny- Mark is, in his head, not exactly his responsibility.

Well I have (so many) more, but I think that’s enough for now lol. Point is, even though I haven’t drawn in a minute, I love these characters and their romanticized version of 1960s Tulsa so much and I think about them way too often lol

(dw once i get more into the swing of school I’ll be doin more art!)

[panic-in-the-multiverse]

Venom

Pairings: father Miguel O’Hara x gn!teen!venom!reader, Venom x teen!reader

Imagine: what it would be like to be Miguel’s son and a spider-man along with venom, spider-venom? Idk guys

Warnings: mention of death, mention of parent death, mention of injuries, father Miguel O’Hara, idk what else, not proofread

A/N keep in mind the first part of this is before Gabriella died. Second I am aware that Miguel has a son somewhere out there in the comics, third don’t mind me referencing Moon Knight in some parts, lastly this is actually based on one of my ocs, but I made this fic x reader instead :)

Side note: I did imagine reader to be male (like my oc is) but I made it gn!reader so that everyone can read it

You lived on earth-TRN1042 (is that the name, it was when I searched it up, might be wrong tho), with you father Miguel O’Hara and your sister Gabriella O’Hara

Your canon event as tragic as it is was to watch as your father died — which would eventually lead you to become Spider-Man

You’d been bitten a few days prior and was still adjusting to the whole power thing

But we are getting ahead of ourselves, Here’s the thing Miguel (earth-928) lost his family on his earth and when he found out a way to go into other earths he found your earth. The one where he still had a happy family

His original plan was to just watch from afar, but when your father died, Miguel made the rash decision to take your fathers place, which didn’t go as smoothly as he thought, after all you had watched your father die

At first you thought you were going crazy when you first saw Miguel, apparently he’d been with your sister all day. You didn’t trust him one but, you knew for a fact your father was dead so when you saw him playing with Gabriella and her dolls you were in shock, you’d told Gabriella to go to her room, once she did the interrogation started, you’d felt your father take his last breath so you sure as hell would find out who this imposter was.

“Who are you?”

“I’m your father”

“No, no, no, no, I watched my father die, who are you?”

Miguel knew you wouldn’t stop your interrogation until you knew what was going on, this led to him giving you a long explanation about different earths, his family and everything in between, how he got his powers and literally his whole life story, only to ensure that you would let him stay, he wouldn’t stay against your wishes

You let him stay, not only because you knew what loss felt like, but you hadn’t told Gabriella yet and you didn’t know how you could tell her that her actual father was dead, and it would prove to be good to have an adult raise your little sister with you, so you let Miguel stay, eventually you saw him as your father too, Gabrielle being none the wiser when it came to her fathers true identity.

The first time you called Miguel “dad” or something alike, he was overjoyed

Miguel didn’t really enjoy you going out to beat bad guys up but he never told you not to, he knew why you did it so he never stopped you, and he used to do it so it would be kinda hypocritical of him to force you to stop, instead he’d be at home, and every time you snuck in through your window you could find Miguel in the living room ready to patch you up, telling you of every time for being reckless and getting hurt so many times

Don’t be offended when he calls you an “reckless idiot” (he’d probably say it in Spanish though) when you get home nearly half dead (Miguel might of overreacted a bit)

It was around this time when you started to get memory gaps from time to time, some fights you didn’t even remember how you defeated the enemy, and some days you woke up in an alleyway, (kinda like Steven in episode one of moon knight)

Before it all went to shit I’d like to think that Miguel gave up on the spider-man part of him and was just a single dad with his two kids working a boring job — not at Alcehmax, he won’t do that mistake again

You all lived rather peacefully for the most part, you’d help Gabriella get better at football/soccer, going to an ice cream shop every time after one of Gabriella’s matches, loss or win didn’t matter there was always ice cream after a match.

And then in a single day it all got taken away from you, in just a couple of minutes all you had ever known was gone

Your whole earth started to disappear along with the people in it, you’d been out on your daily spider-man patrols when it happened, you saw your father/Miguel running with Gabriella and so instead of trying to stop whatever was happening — or more like knowing you couldn’t stop it as you had no clue what it was — you went into the direction of your family.

And when your sister disappeared you didn’t know what to do anymore, Miguel at least able to think somewhat took your hand and soon enough you were on earth-928, and from a screen you watched as your dimension disappeared into nothingness

This left many questions and problems but the question you were mostly focused on was the fact that you hadn’t disappeared

Turns out the spider that bit you had bonded (idk if this works but it does now) with a symbiote — Venom — who was from another earth, and when the spider bit you, you’d not only gained spider-powers but Venom transferred over to you and the two of you bonded, this changed your DNA and caused you to be able to coexist on your own earth along with the earth that Venom was from (does this make sense ain’t got a single clue)

Turns out Venom hadn’t made an appearance (to your knowledge and Miguel’s) because he protected you whenever you couldn’t yourself, and all those memory gaps that you had was the times that Venom had taken over (you know kinda like Jake with Steven and Marc in Moon Knight)

Fast forward a bit and you’d joined the spider-society

You had learned to coexist with Venom, it took some time but it worked out in the end, at first people would think you were crazy as you yelled at nothing (except for you you were talking to Venom who was speaking inside your mind), a lot of spider-people stayed away from you not wanting to be near Venom as he is supposed to be a villain, but when they realized you were one of the good guys they stopped avoiding you and Venom

Venom would deny it to his grave but he is extremely protective over you, if anyone hurt you he wouldn’t hesitate to hurt/kill/eat them

Miguel also became way more protective, after he lost Gabriella he only had you left and he would only send you out on the easy missions — that is until you snuck out on one of their worsts missions and got hurt because no one else new you were there — cue Miguel letting you go on dangerous missions so that you wouldn’t sneak out again and possibly die, at leas if he knew where you were he could make sure you didn’t die.

Not only did Miguel become more grumpy and strict with all the rules, you also become a lot more grumpy as you grieved your sister, and friends

And then all the shit with Miles happened but that’s for part 2,3 (part 2 siding with Miles, part 3 siding with Miguel idk which will come out first)

[roseworth]

Any thoughts on Bart and Rose?

MANY

they make me so goddamn emotional. first of all bart being genuinely interested in being friends with her in a period of her life where she felt like no one really wanted her around.. like the titans kinda had to look after her and the older titans saw her as an unstable child that had to be taken care of (which is correct. but she didnt like that). but BART just looked at her and thought she was cool and wanted to hang out with her <3

and him saying "its not like that" is sooo sweet bc he really just wanted to be friends with her 😭 ge*ff made their relationship sorta romantic but its so sweet that he saw her and said "idk how i feel about her but i just know i want to hang out with her <3"

also my fav thing ever is that he sees her screaming at donna and crying and goes "this is the perfect time to make my move 😎" its so fucking funny because then the NEXT time he sees her he does the exact same thing. she watched her foster parents get murdered in front of her and bart goes "hey rose! its me your friend!" ily bart. but he just keeps running into her at the absolute lowest points in her life and trying to be friends. like baby shes about to kill herself this is not the time to hang out...

and then. GOD. HELLO. tt03 #12 makes me lose my fucking mind btw

sobbing because hes the ONLY PERSON that ever reached out to her during this era. hes the only person that recognized there was something wrong and tried to help her. he knew her!!! he thought she was lying to slade because he couldnt believe she would do that. GOD.

it drives me insane that so many people who shouldve done something to help her just. didnt. but i understand that sometimes the story has to happen and they couldnt do it. thats FINE its FINE

ooouuuuggaaagahguhhohuguhhoyhuguhhughggaghahhguhhuogouhghhggagghhguhuahgguhhohooouuauauhghggaagahhuhguhooouguhaggahghgh. im fine.

"rose was there. trying not to be like her dad. trying to be something else." ACK. OUCH. ok im fine.

then. titans of tomorrow 🤮

scraps of what could've been....... i assume geoff had an arc in mind where the titans take rose back (they were at least kinda hinting at it in some of the stories) and i so badly want to know what would've happened. i like the renegade arc but i wish we got a story with the titans taking her back :((( i dont trust jeff geohns with anything but... in my imagination it would've been a great story with bart coming to get her and convincing her to leave her dad

and im still refusing to acknowledge the rest of the titans of tomorrow arc because that story is so goddamn stupid and boring. but theyre married or something in it idk

BUT. BUT BUT BUT. heres where i get insane

because ouuughhhh they could be besties but they just. keep missing each other. right person wrong time but platonically because oughhhh they first met when rose's life was just completely destroyed. then they meet again when rose's life was destroyed AGAIN. then!!!!!!!! when rose meets the team its right after bart leaves and later dies

throwing up and crying bc after rose dies we get so much of rose's favorite trauma response of suppressing it and pretending she doesnt care then trying to fuck someone

someone that she considered a friend but hadnt been able to talk to in years dies and she says "LOL that funeral is so boring! haha bart meant nothing to me. im fine. stop talking about feelings and lets skinny dip right now. bart who" go off queen <3 she does not want to let herself feel any emotion so she represses it as hard as she can forever

(btw. i have complicated feelings about this bc as much as its in character for her to repress all her feelings with sexualizing herself,,,, ew. idk if this is johns or mckeever but its one of their faults and i know it because despite defining all the important aspects of her character theyre both so gross about her sometimes. men 👎 but thats a completely different rant)

ARRHCHHGGHFAHN.... THEN. titans of tomorrow (🤮) again

bart spent this entire story saying she was awful and trying to murder her (they divorced i guess. stupid ass storyline i dont care) shes still sad to lose him again. this is literally the only time she lets herself mourn him and its right after hes been trying to kill her. there is so much wrong with her <3 <3 <3

also as i was looking for that panel i saw this one and i think its so silly:

thats my girl!!! take no responsibility for anything ever and always find someone else to blame for your actions 💞 and bonus points for hating men !

anyways. then later the krul run happens and theyre both vaguely out of character but they FINALLY get to be friends again!!!!!! theyre buddies!!!!!!!!!!!! theyre hanging out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

besties bullying a 12 year old together <3

also one of my favs because i know its supposed to be "haha barts being creepy to her XD isnt that so funny" but inside my head this moment is just bart getting so excited about being on a team with rose again that he refuses to let her miss any of the action. he grabs her hand and gets her into her costume and doesnt think anything of it because hes just so happy that he gets to hang out with his buddy <3 that wasnt the writers intention. but it is to me

if youre willing to exaggerate. they r so besties here. they are taking every opportunity to hang out because they finally get to be buddies :') we still get to see bart just genuinely liking her and once again he just thinks shes cool and wants to hang out with her <3333 theyre so much fun

and i cant keep looking for screenshots because reading the end of this book bums me out since the new52 happened and they couldnt finish any of the arcs they had planned. lili worth i miss you every day

anyways yeah to answer your question. i love bart & rose 👍 the way hes one of the only people that just. likes her. hes the first person (ish) that reaches out to her after her mom died when she was at a very low point in her life and he continues to just enjoy her company and like her as a person which doesnt happen a lot <///3 there are so few people that like her and want to spend time with her and just genuinely think shes a good person but bart always does!!!!! barring t*tans *f t*morrow bart always likes her and always thinks highly of her when no ones else does 💞💞💞 theyre so sweet and i want them to interact again

[k4shixe]

Prompt 4 with nanamiiiiiiii pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

BabySitter

CW; reader is 17, character is 28, age difference, strictly platonic, complements said to character, type of flirting (its teasing/joke tho), shouting at reader, kinda swearing

Pairings; rich!fem!reader x bodyguard!nanami (platonic)

Summary; After getting caught too many times, your father decided to get you a body guard. In an attempt to get rid of him, you go it the mall with your best friend.

Word count; 3k+

Prompt: “that’s enough.”

A/n; aaah here it is! Worked 2 days on this and ngl I never did watch the anime so he might be a little too formal. BUT I did enjoy writing this so please send any requests along! And I hope you enjoy! :)

12 minutes.It took them 12 minutes to find where you were. It’s worse that there are things that you shouldn’t be having at the party, especially at a party with teenagers. And you thought escaping to go to the party was easy. Oh how you knew you were going to get it. Your father stood in front of you with guards blocking the way out.

“Y/n I expected better. I told you that, you, explicitly, couldn’t go anywhere until we finish the meeting. You could’ve been kidnapped or worse”

“But dad I was bored! What was I meant to do wait?”

“That’s exactly what your meant to do! You leave me no choice but to take your credit card and get you a bodyguard”

“Okay fine my card is understandable but a bodyguard! That’s crazy! I don’t need to a baby sitter! I’m 17 for god sake!”

“It’s too late. My decision is final. Now go to your room, your grounded until you show me you can behave.”

You left for your room, sitting on your bed and sulking over the fact your going to have a babysitter. Or as your dad called it a “bodyguard”. You wished your mum was here, but tragically she died in a car accident when you were still a toddler so you knew how precious you were to your father. He loved you but you couldn’t blame him since you managed to get past everything he tried but that also didn’t change the predicament you got yourself into. You decided to texted your best friend telling her about what happened.

Bestie <33

I got caught ;(

Now my dad got me a babysitter

Oh cheer up,is it a guy or girl?

And are they hot?

Oh shut up.

And he didn’t even tell me so idk

Ok fine, how about

you just try getting rid of them?

Ooo, now your talking!

Just come to the mall tomorrow,

I need more outfits

Didn’t you buy some last week?

Yeah but I already wore those

Okay whatever you say

After chatting with your friend you started realising that you actually didn’t know who it was going to be. It could be some scary homeless dude your dad found on the street. You started praying it was atleast a girl, maybe you 2 could be friends. And with that you fell asleep.

“Honey wake up. Sweetie please get up” Your father shook you lightly.

“So early in the morning though” You slowly sat up on your bed,rubbing your eye to try get the tiredness out. You squinted your eyes seeing a tale, well-built man who was wearing a suit with blonde hair styled with a neat part next to your dad.

“Dad who’s this?“ you say visibly confused as you regained your eyesight.

“This is Mr Kento Nanami, he’s your new bodyguard.” Your dad sounded oddly proud for his accomplishment of finding such a well groomed bodyguard.

“But Dad he’s like 50! People are gonna think I’m dating this weirdo!”

“That’s no way to talk to your bodyguard y/n!”

“Im 17 I shouldn’t have some babysitter! I should be able to make my own decisions!”

“Sneaking out to go to a party at 3am shouldn’t be one of them!” He took a deep breath to calm himself down “Y/n, you are having him as a bodyguard and that’s final. Now if you need me I’ll be in my office” Your dad walks off leaving you and this “weirdo” in your room.

“So… your what now?”

“As your “dad” stated I’ll be your body guard. I’ll have to watch over you and make sure you don’t do anything reckless”

“Okay old man, I know my dad told you to do this but aren’t you annoyed you have to babysit me? You can just quit right now and blame it on me. I won’t mind.”

“Nice try but I already got paid so orders are orders until said otherwise. And I’m not your babysitter, I’m your bodyguard”

Man, this guy was going to be hard to convince. You thought as you looked at Nanami who was looking around the room, analysing it.

“Okay mr bento ninja could you leave my room?”

“It’s Mr Nanami to you, and I can’t just ‘leave’ I was ordered to stay”

“So what your going to watch me change then?” You say raising your eyebrows while starting at him awaiting his answer.

“Of course not, don’t be childish. I’ll leave if you had told me why.” He says as he left the room and closed the door behind him.

After getting changed into a sleek bodycon dress that really complemented your look, and with some makeup,heels plus a matching purse, you were all good to go. Now to only convince your dad. Shouldn’t be hard right? Walking down the staircase with Nananmi behind you (you couldn’t help be a little disgusted), you went to your fathers office and opening the door when hearing a “come in” by him.

“Dad could you please give me my credit card back? I promise I won’t spend much” you say with a pouting face and batting your eyes. You knew he couldn’t say no.

“Sorry sweetie but rules are rules. Until I can trust you again no credit card until then.” To say you were shocked was an understatement.

“But-“

“No buts,ifs or ands. Rules are rules.”

“Can I atleast go out with f/n?”

“You can but you must take Nanami with you. He must know anything and everything you are doing, and he can and will be able to check your phone if necessary. That’s the only other rule”

“Fine.” You groan and glare at Nanami who couldn’t care less and walked off, after he nodded to your dad he followed after you.

You pull out your phone, making a quick call to your driver when you heard Nanami clear his throat. “You do know your under my care, so I should be a able to do everything for you. Ms l/n.”

“Ugh don’t call me l/n, brings back memories. Just call me y/n. And I’m just calling my driver, I need a lift to the mall.” You have gotten your mother’s last name when you were born, since your parents felt like you’d like it more, especially when you’d become someone of more importance.

“If you insist Ms y/n, and you know I can drive.”

“Yeah…no thanks I’d rather take my own driver.”

“Very well. Whatever you want.”

The car ride to the mall was quiet. Too quiet. You wanted to listen to music but kind of over thinking that the music would be too loud and Nanami would judge you. He sat on the opposite side of the car, sitting still and quiet. Why are you overthinking something you would never think twice about? Is this bento dude that intimidating? I swear he’s staring at me from the side of his eye. Ugh snap out of it. You leaned your head back and let out a small groan. This was so nerve wracking. You pulled out your phone and just opened it to check the time. The lock screen showing a picture of your mother, father and you just a happy family. You stared at it with a small smile, the picture always made you calm and relaxed. Nanami noticed and decided some small talk would be better then silence.

“Is that your mother?”

You jumped a little at his words. First not expecting him to talk and second to ask that question. “Oh uh yeah…”

“Where is she? I never seen her around before”

The fact that sentence stung was a whole different type of pain. It felt like he was making fun of you just like the kids did to you when they found out in middle school. You tried putting a fake smile up but it hurt a little too much and an ich in your throat to cry came. You quickly tried wiping away the forming tears but just opted to looking the other direction when that wasn’t working.

“She uhh, died when I was younger”

And for the first time you got some emotion out of Nanami. Surprise and more of a regret for asking that question. “Oh, sorry I wasn’t aware.” He noticed the tear on the side of your face still visible to him and got a handkerchief from his suit pocket and handed to you.

For the rest of the car ride it was more awkward and silent then before. You managed to calm down but now you were thinking what Nanami thought of you. Some spoiled brat? Probably. I mean he isn’t wrong. You zoned out looking at him and didn’t even realised till he looked back at you. “Is everything alright”

“Oh sorry! I zoned out! I tend to do that a lot.” You looked back out the window blushing from embarrassment. He shook his head and went back to his seating position.

Finally you had made it to the mall and the drive opened the door for you with Nanami fixing his suit while walking up to you. You entered the mall looking for your friend and found her at the Gucci store shopping for some shoes.

“Hey! F/n!” You quickly walked over to her giving her a hug like always.

“Who’s the old guy?” She whispers to you looking behind you to exactly point him out.

“It’s the dumb babysitter my dad got me remember?”

“He is kinda hot though.” You hit her lightly.

“Shut up. Now let’s go to Sephora, I heard there selling a new makeup pallet!”

“Quickly then! We need to get it!” She grabbed your hand as you both rushed off with Nanami keeping an eye on you both, mainly and specifically just you. You reached the aisle with just a few pallets left when you realised.

“Crap, I wasn’t allowed to get my credit card. I can’t pay for it.” You say disappointedly.

“It’s fine just take my emergency one. It has a budget of like 50k though so just be a little mindful.”

“Omg did I ever tell you that your the best?”

“No but you should start” you and f/n laughed as you went to pay before

“Not so fast. Do you think your father would let you pay with your friends credit card? There is a reason he took yours away from you.”

“Yeah but this is different. So don’t try put your reason into this. Besides if he doesn’t know then who cares.” You say and your friend nodded her head in agreement.

“Fine. If you really don’t care, I’ll call him right now” He says getting his phone out his pocket.

“Hey! Wait! I won’t use her card” you mumble quietly as you put the make up pallet away upset about it.

“Let’s go to the restroom I got to tell you something.” F/n whispered and you nodded. You both began walking, Nanami close behind. When you reached the door you both quickly entered saying something to Nanami about fixing your make up and hurried in.

“That was easier then I thought.”

“Yeah but what would he do? Enter the girls bathroom?”

You both burst of laughing, Nanami could definitely hear you both from how echoey the bathroom was but you didn’t care right now.

“We need to get rid of your babysitter. Even though he is kinda hot at all”

“Agreed, except for the last part. But atleast we know we won’t be fighting over the same guy in the future.” You say as you both laugh.

“Ok we could go clothes shopping next and since we’re basically the same size just look for everything you want and pretend it’s for me.”

“Got it, now let’s try the make up pallet you got”

“Yess!” Let’s just say you guys spend at least half an hour in there just gossiping and doing each others makeup. F/n was telling you the juiciest gossip ever when it was interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Who would be knocking to enter a public restroom?”

“Beats me” you shrug.

“Are you ladies done in there?” Of course it was Nanami who was standing the whole time just waiting for you to leave.

“Would’ve thought security took him away for being a perv”

“Same!” You both burst out laughing again before another knock stopped you. “Well let’s just go clothes shopping!” You both get up and leave the restroom after packing up. Entering the first clothing store and looking for clothes, you both went to the swim suit aisle and poor Nanami had to stand there looking at the ground while you both giggled and tried them on. You swear you could see a tint of pink on his cheeks from the embarrassment. You smirked, your plans working. Now just a matter of time. I mean what would people think of some grown man following two girls trying on bathing suits. After picking out a few you headed to the dresses and picked out a few to try. Finding one you particularly liked but didn’t know if you should get, you decided to play a little joke on Nanami, and your friend encouraging it just built up your confidence.

“Oh mr Nanami~”

“Yes Ms y/n. What is it?.”

“Do you think this dress looks nice on me?” Expecting some sort of reaction, you can certainly say you were disappointed when he just nodded and looked back to where he was looking. You frowned and rolled your eyes, “whatever”. Your friend and you finish shopping and managed to get Nanami off your back about you trying on the clothes even though your not supposed to buy anything. “It’s just for fun! It’s not like we’re hurting anyone. Besides shes going to buy them anyways” your friend agreed with you.

Of course you guys went a little overboard and bought way too many clothes to hold them all. After a good 4 hours you waved your friend goodbye and she gave you half her bags insisting you “hold them” for her and she’ll pick them up next time. Your friend secretly handing you a credit card, not having as much but enough to get you a few extra things. Nanami still swift and quick to catch up with you, you decided to try something on him. With a little bit of a dramatic effect (thank god you took acting classes).

“Oh Mr Nanami sir. Could you please hold my bags? My arms are sooo tried, I don’t think I can hold them anymore” you say looking up at him with ‘puppy dog’ eyes.

“No. I’m your body guard, not a mall porter”

“Oh Pretty please~”

“Fine.”

“Thank you!” You say delightedly as you hand him your bags and quickly rush off to another store. Using the card your friend gave you managed to buy at least 3 more bags worth of clothes, 3 with shoes, 2 with purses and accessories and that was just the starting. You kept handing Nanami bags, and he was just silently taking them and holding each one. You could tell he was getting tired and fed up with you though. Slowly and surely you noticed him getting slower from carrying all those bags and the anger was just building up. The last straw was when you showed up with another 2 bags just hanging them on his arm when suddenly

“that’s enough.”

To say that didn’t scare your soul out of you was an understatement. You were mortified.

“Enough?…”

“Enough. You are going home this instance and you will carry your bags on your own.” He was practically death staring you, leaving you speechless.

“Yeah okay…” yeah okay? Why did I say that? I should’ve told him to shut it and listen to me. What am I doing? A little too scared to say anything back, you picked up as much bags as you could, struggling to pick up some as the weight of them was way more heavier then expected. Nanami sighed and picked up the rest, escorting you out of the mall. After following you for around 6 hours and having to go through the most embarrassing things ever. He still took your bags and watched over you, maybe because it was his job, but maybe, just maybe, he actually did care.

Nevertheless, the car ride back was silent like before, even being able to hear a pin drop was possible. You got your phone out and opened a food delivery app, scrolling through the food options. Yes, you did have a personal chef at home but you wanted to eat out today. Especially being forced to eat a models diet was tiering. You felt a little bad for Nanami so you sucked up your pride and turned your head to him.

“Uh Mr Nanami, would you like to eat something?” He looked over at you before shaking his head.

“thank you Ms y/n but no.” And with that the car when quiet again.

Getting home with all those bags was a trouble waiting to happen. You should of thought of it, oh how your brain was mentally screaming at you. But thanks to mr snitch, he called your dad beforehand telling him about everything. Your were no longer allowed to hang out with your friends, they could come over but that was it. After a shouting match with your dad, you slammed the door to your room with tears in your eyes. Your almost an adult and no freedom. What was the point? Nanami on the other hand, probably doesn’t know what a slammed door means and knocked on the door before opening the door. You quickly composed yourself, opting to just wash your make up off instead of looking like a clown you and went off to your bedroom’s bathroom. You had to push Nanami out of your room to change as he wasn’t believing you, thinking you’d run off. You began doing some homework, being homeschool was easy but the homework you got was something else. Struggling on one question in particular, you didn’t notice Nanami leaning over your chair looking at the question.

“No, your doing it wrong. Here.” He scribbled a few things on the paper which somehow made perfect sense to you. You mumbled and quiet thanks “Thanks…” which he simply acknowledged with a nod.

“Mr Nanami could I tell you something?” Nanami nodded his head for you to go on.

“I’m sorry about today, and thank you for watching over me. Even though it’s your job and everything but uhh…” Here comes your dumb phase! You were sure he though you were as stupid as you sounded.

“What I’m trying to say is thank you.” You keep your eyes on your homework, scared he’d just look at you with disappointment. But you looked up and you swear you saw a teny tiny smile on his face. You smiled back as you noticed he wasn’t mad at all. Maybe things with a body guard wouldn’t be horrible after all.

Request here ;)

[drbtinglecannon]

for the character ask: genshin asogi? 👀

Everything during canon happened because of the professor case... Heh, could say London really felt Genshin's Impact 🥁

How I feel about this character

Sorry Kazuma I have a lot of unholy thoughts about your dad

Haha but really I have a lot of conflicting hcs for him, like I imagine he was very serious and focused, but I also like imagining he was snarky and comedically strict about his opinions like Kazuma is (like why he wore the hackimaki in the first place or the over the top manner he talks about Karuma, etc). It's bittersweet when a character is soooo bare bones in canon, because sure I can imagine anything and it'll never be contradicted in canon! But also I want information!!! Tell me about them!!!!!

Anyway regardless of other traits I'm munching over, I always stick with he and Klint were genuinely extremely close, like Herlock&Yujin level, and they shared a joking mean humor in private like calling each other a twat over any little inconvenience

All the people I ship romantically with this character

His own wife haha, Klint, and Klint & Lady B

Kazuma has enough issues so his parents not really caring about each other doesn't do it for me. Legit tho it isn't compelling to me to think they were a loveless marriage, the only point to it I can remember being was she wasn't mentioned in his final letter, but there's bittersweetness to explaining that away as out of a sense of paranoia that it would be wishing ill on them so he had to stay quiet until he made his escape, which..we know how that went. I think them having a loving marriage also kinda ties up the original study students, with Genshin having a wife and child he's leaving, Yujin losing his wife but gaining a newborn he has to leave behind, and Jigoku not having a spouse or kids, and it mirroring each Londoner they attached to (Klint has a wife and a baby on the way by the end but loses both, Herlock loses Yujin but gains a newborn, and Stronghart never takes a family). Genshin can almost relate to Yujin too, their wives are no longer around and they have young kids back home, but he still was expected to be able to return to her one day, and his fate is so similar to Klint's, they both lose their wives and their kids end up losing their connection to the family & being taken in by someone else (iirc Kazuma is kind of cut off from the Asougi clan after they learn his dad died and was outted as "a killer"), those parallels work better if Genshin and his wife were mutual love.

Genklint had an insane unhinged yaoi ending like the homoeroticism of a duel to the death for the honor of your friend that fell so far but you still cared about him too much to leave him like that... when it would've been way smarter for them to team up and kill Stronghart then Genshin tell Klint "no more killing or istfg >:(" and that's that. I also love the mutual suffering that is Barok & Kazuma going back to the prosecutor's office after 2-5 and just staring into the room with the deepest eyebags and deadest expressions like "they definitely fucked in here"

Genklintville is just the ultimate version of genklint haha. It makes it all so much hotter AND tragic! And what more could we ask for from their canon endings

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Genshin & Yujin is a fun relationship I think about a lot. I wonder if they were both jealous of their respective British bestie for being able to get so much closer than they ever were with each other? Was Genshin the shoulder Yujin cried on during the boat trip to London and during the time before he met Herlock? Yujin went above and beyond to help Genshin when he was arrested, and maybe if Genshin listened to him on getting extradited he would've survived, but also Yujin cared so much for him to not only go to Lady B at his request but take Kazuma in once all the dust settled. Idk, I'm not sure I'd call them an OTP but they're a favorite non romantic dynamic for both characters

My unpopular opinion about this character

Ok so there was a post from a blog I love that used pixels from the games to determine character heights and deemed that Genshin was 6' tall based on that information, and I've seen a number of fics describe Genshin as very tall, and I vehemently disagree. Genshin was at most 5'10, taller than average and a tiny bit taller than Kazuma, but still noticeably shorter than Klint & Barok. I will die on this hill

One thing I wish would happen/ had happened with this character in canon

Lived haha but really I can't think of anything that wouldn't drastically change canon (him living, them killing Stronghart, him actually escaping, etc) that like is actually impactful for his role in the story. Not that I don't love AUs but I like leaving this all as my sandbox and not canon. I guess I wanna know his height so I can be correct that it's not 6' tall haha!

[babbletaels]

For some reason I'm kinda obsessed with Wish so here's some theories for you guys.

Magnifico didn't think that Ashas grandfathers wish was dangerous, nor did he not want to grant it due to it not benefitting him. It's a possibility that Magnifico actually just can't grant it.

Every single wish that Magnifico grants in Wish is a wish that has to do with a talent. I know we see a guy with super long hair and Asha sings about going to space and stuff, but I don't think Magnifico can actually grant wishes.

I think Magnifico can give people talents.

This is why he asks Asha about her talent with drawing, and it's why he suggests to her "imagine if someone would wish to be the best apprentice ever" (or whatever, I watched it in my language not english) because he can give her magical powers so she could be his apprentice. He didn't grant someones wish to be the best seamstress, he just gave her the talent to sow. And he gave Simon talents that a knight would have, to grant his wish to be a knight. At the same time he most probably employed both of them in their dream professions.

Since Ashas grandpa didn't wish to be good at something, he didn't wish to be good at playing the guitar but rather he wished he could do something to inspire the next generation, that means magnifico can't grant it. Magnifico can't just poof you wherever you want to be, he can only give you a talent. Think of it like this: what's your dream? Maybe your dream is to be an artist full time, but you're poor and can barely afford to buy paint so you have to work instead. If someone gave you a shitload of money, you would be able to stop working and focus entirely on your dream. That's kinda equal to what magnifico is doing, except everyone in Rosas lives there for free (he doesn't even charge them rent, you guys) so it's more like you have a dream to be idk a great singer but you don't want to go to singing lessons so he can give you a great singing voice. He can give you a talent or enhance your talent. But also he doesn't want you to know this, because then people wouldn't actually wish what they actually desired deep in their heart. A shallow wish isn't as good as your hearts deepest wish obviously.

Kinda lame to only be able to enhance someones already inherent talent though, right? Well you forgot something. Maybe that's why everyone who gives Magnifico their wish forgets what the wish even was. Now they can't pursue the dream on their own, maybe he even took their talent altogether. Now you can't sing or paint anymore. If we say you're an aspiring artist but you can't afford paint, and you get a job but you still can't afford paint or a computer or anything at all, that is actually kinda like society stealing your talent from you. Maybe you even give up on your dream and forget it was ever there, and just hope that one day you will magically feel fulfilled in life. That's kind of like how the people of Rosas feel, they have no ability to actually pursue their dreams other than sitting around and hoping Magnifico will grant their wish one day.

Something that bothered me in the movie is that Asha doesn't actually have a wish, she doesn't seem that into the idea of magic and the only thing we see her doing is obsess over her grandfathers wish being granted. But I have another theory for you!

Ashas wish was for her father to get better, to not be sick anymore. But he died, so her wish was crushed. Ever since then, she has been obsessed with helping others make their dreams come true, that's why she thinks it's unfair that not everyone can get their wish granted, because hers wasn't. That's why she especially wants her grandfathers wish to be granted, because he reminds her of her dad.

So when Asha sings "I want something more for us than this", her great wish that is granted by a star... What she is actually wishing is that everyones wishes could be granted. She wants something more for them than this is a really bad way of phrasing it and extremely vague, and maybe they could've shown why Asha is so disturbed by the wishes not being granted before showing us her wish that is so great that a star comes down from the sky. Her wish is vague because maybe she doesn't really know what she wants either since her true wish was crushed.

See, this movie is starting to make a little bit more sense now, isn't it?

Okay one last theory. This one is a bit more speculative. But on the topic of crushing someones dreams..

Magnificos wish was to get his family back.

Maybe once upon a time, Magnifico saw someone who claimed they had gotten a wish granted by wishing at a star. Magnifico wasn't a magician when he was younger. Then his family died, and Magnifico wished at the stars to get them back, and it didn't work. He was still just a kid, an orphan, and he started learning magic in order to grant his own wish, not realizing that it was impossible to grant such a wish. His dreams/wish was crushed when he realized, but he realized he could grant other peoples wishes, and then realized that something about having another persons wish made him feel.. more whole? Maybe that's why he started hoarding peoples wishes. And he IS keeping them safe from being crushed.. and he IS taking peoples worries away. Imagine your greatest wish, your dream in life, being something that actually can't ever be fulfilled, like maybe your big dream that makes you who you are is that, like Asha, your father was still alive. That would hurt. And Magnifico can make you forget about that being your wish. Magnifico likes having control over the wishes because he didn't have control over his own wish.

So the conflict in this movie is between two people who went through the same thing, but have different opinions on how to fix the situation. Magnifico wants to keep the wishes safe and the people happy in blissful ignorance because he couldn't grant his own wish of getting his family back, while Asha's loss of her father caused her to want everyone to have a chance to get their wishes granted. Wait let me make it clearer. Magnifico thinks it's better if people don't experience grief at all, even if it means they will never achieve their dream. Asha believes grief is worth it just to have a chance at achieving your dreams.

Idk. Anyway that's all I had for you today

No wait.

Let's talk about you being a star... What does that even mean? Well, you wish upon a star and your dreams come true. You're a star means you can make your dreams come true. Only a star can fulfill your wish and you are one. It's entirely a metaphor. Though it is a metaphor with.... very dire consequences for the lore. Like so is everyone born from a wish? Did someone wish to have a child and a star had to come down to earth and be born as a child, and that's how people became stars? I don't know. What if.. A star that stays on earth for too long simply turns into a human? Idk this metaphor should've kinda stayed a metaphor but it didn't so here we are....

Wait if only a star can grant wishes does that mean Magnifico is a star? When you take a wish away from a human does that turn them into fully a human? if you're a star so you can fulfill your own wish, why did a star respond when Asha wished? Is Asha not a star anymore because her wish was destroyed?

Ok now I'm done.

Wait also if everyones deepest wish is a star that's why when people die in disney movies they become stars, that's pretty neat

Ok I'm gonna stop now

[bra1nw0rmz]

*pokes you in the eyes in a very nice and kind way.* Person that made you plushie god here. (Can I have my children back? You stole dem, gimmy em back ples.) Ur pav biker au thingy I am hyperfictioning on it too much, ty for making me get the sillies from dat. Biker pav awsom. ANND BIKER LEVI ALSO IS COOL, I couldn't leave out my soggy dog core buddy.

Owwwe …… my eye

ALSO HI UM…… using this as an excuse to infodump about my biker au…………. I’m a slight nerd abt motorbikes and It’s pavlevi centred so it’s mostly about them

Levi

- Ok realistically he’d have an A1 licence due to being 18 in Europe which restricts the bikes you can ride which is LAMEEEE!!

- In Czech you have to be 24 to get an A licence, meaning you can ride whatever. But idk that feels like too much of an age jump when everyone else is the same age

- Most other places make it so you have to be 21, so I’ll just use that instead. Levi can be 21 in this au

- I mean honestly I could just get rid of the motorcycle licence tier thing all together

- It’s a modern au but cmonnnn Funger universe does not give a fuck about its youth… but eh it’s whatever

- Prefers bikes around 600-800 cc. Fast !! But not exactly death wish fast…….. I mean kinda but still

- He just likes being able to accelerate fast, he doesn’t speed too much

- The top speed he’ll go is 150-170 km/h but Pav coaxes him in races to go faster

- The type of biker that prefers to go on long drives for hourssssss

- He just likes to go on rides to clear his head :3

- Id say he’d have a Yamaha XJ900 Diversion. But I did think of a Yamaha XJ6 Diversion F too

- either way, a Yamaha fan

- I’m going with the XJ900 tho… but hey, maybe it was his first bike, got an older model for cheap and then after a while of dating Pav he got a XJ6 after persistent bugging to get a faster bike

- XJ6 is still comfy for long rides but lighter and faster… more sporty than touring (They are both sport touring bikes)

- I mean XJ6 is only like 10 km/h faster so still staying with the XJ900

- Coz the XJ900 is FAST, 900cc, a very all around good bike. XJ6 is 600cc but faster due to being lighter and more built for speed.

- And realistically he’d only have the XJ900 bc bro cannot afford 2 bikes!

- He is not made out of money and he is not selling his XJ900 !!!! it’s sentimental !!!!

- got sent to military school as a kid by his bitch ass father, so he’s a little fucked up still

- Lived in a community housing place for a while after military school as he found out his mother died and refused to move back in with his dad

- Lives in a small apartment building now

- It’s really small and Pav keeps coming over for long periods so he’s thinking of moving into a bigger place for the both of them

- Has definitely dabbled into drugs(heroin mainly) before but trying to get clean… the long rides help clear his head

- Works at a gun/hunting shop owned by August

Pav

- All his bikes are 1000cc or more bc he’s actually crazy

- Ofc only owns sport bikes, gives them all names too

- While he does go through a lot of bikes, because he crashes all the time and somehow never gets severely hurt, his go-tos are Honda or Kawasaki bikes

- His favourite and longest owned bike is the Kawasaki Ninja ZX-10R… because she was the fastest Pav owned and he has a death wish

- He named her виктория (viktoria)

- She got into a crash so she’s been sitting in Abella’s shop while Pav saves up to fix her

- Takes his side mirrors off to lane split better

- Was a squid before Levi came around (squids are people who don’t wear protective gear) but still only wears heavy protective wear on night rides when he goes super fast

- During these night rides he so takes his license plate off lmaoooo

- Averages 200-300 km/h on the rides 💀

- Does a lotta bike tricks for fun too

- Served in the military for almost a decade and a half before having to retire for an unknown reason but still getting paid (ooooo mysterious)

- Does odd jobs here and there for extra cash

- But um don’t ask where he gets all the money for his bikes !!!!! He’s super cheap in every other aspect of his life

- He’s milking randoms for their money for alcohol, food, fuel, etc lollll

- Pav has gotten kicked out of apartments a few times in which he would sleep on Daan’s couch at his bar

- the type to stare down cops and purposely speed in front of them so they chase him, always leaves them in the dust bc he drives like a maniac

- Got caught once because he didn’t realise a cop was following him and he stopped for gas

- Got out of the speeding charge by giving the cop a blowjob bc I think that’s hilarious 

- Anything to get outta spending money ig 🔥🔥🔥

- All his bikes struggle to not go over the speed limit so he has to backpack Levi when cruising around town

- Pav complains abt Levi being slow and Levi tells him to shut up lol

- purposely makes his exhausts louder than necessary because he’s definitely compensating for something

Daan

- owns a bar that motorcycle gangs frequent a ton

- It’s not even branded as a biker bar, nor is he a biker, it just naturally became one bc Daan doesn’t give a fuck about appearances and treats everyone the same

- Pav flirts with him constantly purely to try and get free drinks. Daan knows this and ignores him

- Marcoh works as the bouncer there (also a biker)

Abella

- local mechanic !!!! Pav’s go to when he can’t fix his bikes himself

- Pav will drop a completely totalled bike in her workshop and tell her to fix it and Abella will tell him to get the fuck out of her shop

- She also rides a motorcycle, I’m thinking a dirt bike of some kind?

- Definitely owns atleast a few different motorbikes though

- She’s an off road girlie at heart

Karin

- Pav smashed her side window clean off in a drive by after she didn’t let him pass her the road so she’s been trying to track him down for a while now

- just wanted to say her road rage is fucking terrible, you are scared for yours and other people’s lives if she’s behind the wheel

- still a journalist, still has anger issues

O’saa

- Owns an occult shop and rips people off with stupid card readings

- magic and stuff still exists btw, albeit heavily faded, he just overprices everything

- Marina works at the shop

- O’saa hardly even runs the shop tbh, it’s mainly Marina doing it

- He’s off doing fuck knows what

Other thoughts;

Pav has a really good poker face. And Levi is autistic so he just believes everything he says, not a single shred of doubt… and Pav is like… in awe……. He knows he’s good at lying but he’s just… Confused at how fast Levi believes him.

“Can I have a 20, I ran out of money and I need gas, I’ll pay you back.”

“ok”

“…….. this is the 6th time I’ve said that.”

“You said you’ll pay me back”

Pav feels guilty for the first time in his life so he actually does pay Levi back

Pav going on and on abt how much he hates cops (he got a speeding fine) and Daan is getting sick of it so he pulls out a photo of Pav in the military. Pav turns his head and refuses to look at it. He is like totally silent and Daan keeps on trying to get him to look at it and he just turns away more and more… Don’t ask how Daan has that photo

This is how Levi finds out Pav was in the military because Pav never says anything ever abt his life

ANYWAY THERES MORE BUT I FEEL LIKE I LOOK CRAZY RANTING ABT THIS AU SO ILL STOP

[makigorogoro]

disorganized thoughts on fionna and cake eps 5 and 6

(Spoilers!!)

ok ive only seen the eps once each and im going off of memory so a lot of this is probably gonna be paraphrased and mixed up but whatever . also this post is really fucking long lol sorry

-OK FIRST OFF THESE WERE SO GOOD RAAAAAH

-obviously we are in the farmworld, not surprised but very happy!!!

-also not very surprised fionna and cake immediately went along with simon’s plan

-the whole time they were talking about where to find a crown i was like lol. simon don’t look behind you

-cake bringing fionna a dead rat was really funny

-the versucci gag or whatever was also really good

-but what made me die was fionna talking abt how she’s played a lot of post apocalyptic rpgs and then it pans over to “man who has actually lived through the apocalypse”

-was really cool to see how the farmworld has developed after what happened with ice finn, i think it’s interesting how they’re more technologically advanced since the first time an ice age happened in this world they pretty much reverted to medieval times (does that make sense. you know what i mean)

-i was SO convinced jay was farmworld finn’s little sibling so when he said dad my heart stopped

-the name jay didn’t immediately click until bonnie was revealed to be one of his other kid’s name and i was like HOLY SHIT PUHOY???

-veeeery interesting since assumingely golb destroyed/erased the pillow world

-i guess you could just chalk it up to finn would have named his kids the same thing in any universe?

-but i mean speaking of his kids GOD he got busy with huntress wizard

-i mean it has to be huntress wizard. one of them looks just like human hunter wizard

-sucks that she died though

-simon’s ship of theseus thing was so fucking funny oh my god he’s just like me fr (i started talking about the ship of theseus in one of my assignments a few days ago and i was like. is this too nerdy.)

-i haven’t really talked about farmworld finn yet. a little sad he turned out so cold (pun not intended oops 😭) because of what happened to him when he was younger

-good on him for saying simon was a damn fool or whatever for wanting to put the crown on lol

-i wish they actually had a talk though

-cake saying fionna should kiss him while knowing he’s just an alternate version of her??????? girl

-also farmworld jake still being alive was crazy

-so it did turn out the crown was destroyed in this world, i honestly wasn’t sure since the crown from the main world survived direct contact with a comet lol

-the romeo and juliet style romance going on between finn’s kid and big destiny’s kid was really good

-finn showing up with bartram lmao!!!!!

-dude i love bartram, the bit in finn the human where finn’s mom says that they have to sell the mule and then bartram’s head peaks out from the bed in the corner is unironically one of my favorite jokes in adventure time

-i kinda forgot what happens between here and the end

-so did farmworld finn fucking die????

-idk what happened there i sure hope not

-i really don’t know if we’re going to revisit these worlds in any capacity considering the amount of time left but i hope we do now!! i feel like we need to see what happens lmao

-now for ep 6

-wasn’t really expecting it to open on “fionna world” as they started calling it

-i was wondering how they were gonna balance gumball and marshall yaoi with what’s going on with the main trio

-they did it really well though i think

-i also wasn’t really expecting to be introduced to winter king right away once we got back to the main plot

-he definitely gave me weird vibes right from the start im gonna be honest lol

-blaah i don’t really remember what happens between that and the winter wonder world sequence

-so ill just talk about that. holy fuck

-every review i read before the show came out was really hyping this scene up and i get why now

-was really cool to see the beyond the grotto animation again and the song was so good it’s still stuck in my head

-but the moment the winter king said he overcame the crown with sheer will i was like. um. im calling bs

-i was just thinking however it did happen though i have a bad feeling about! felt really bad for simon and when he said that he sucked i was like. oh no ☹️ dude

-the moment i saw little ice marcy pretty much cemented it for me i was like oh no something fucked up is happening here. tbh i still can’t really figure out what happened with that but given what the winter king said about making an ice betty. uhhhhhhhhhh

-OH YEAH cake once again saying simon and the winter king should kiss . GIRL WHAT ARE YOU ON

-i looooved crazy pb

-i remember when people were saying she was a marcy pb child lmao.

-simon saying that he wanted to “fix her” while the winter king just wanted to kill her was really interesting. im trying to figure out what it means lol. like we know that simon wants to be the ice king again but also now knowing he would want to fix and save someone from that madness…idk

-her song was really good

-her playing those ominous notes on her keyboard made me laugh

-i haven’t really talked about gumball (im not calling him gary im sorry) and marshall. i thought they were really cute!!! could definitely see marcy and pb meeting in a similar way

-the juxtaposition between gumball talking about his creations to fionna fighting the fucked up versions of them was really cool

-i hope gumball doesn’t take what the lemoncarbs said to heart . they’re just like that

-ok so. I was honestly more shocked that fionna kissed (a version of) simon than him disintegrating seconds after lmaooooo

-i have to wonder why he immediately died here when in betty (the episode) he was dying relatively slowly without the crown’s magic

-ive been writing down a bunch of crack theories and the first thing ive gotten right was the winter king transferring his craziness to pb lol lets goooo

-i was thinking that simon might’ve transferred it himself but then i was like nooo he wouldn’t do that….apparently he would do that

-idk despite how he seemed i think the winter king was still a little insane in the membrane.

-maybe the crown was still influencing him in some way? and that’s the message here? idk

-i can’t believe bi fionna is real

-back to gumball and marshall. gumball describing slumber party panic……oh my jod 🥺🥺🥺

-the baby world was so cute

-“and i’ll be cursed the right way” simon do you fucking hear yourself

Ok that’s definitely not all i have to say but this post is long enough lmao ,, god this show is SO GOOD i can’t believe it’s real. ok that’s all

[reilleclan-blog]

I'm not sure if this is a thing but I did look up something similar(dissociative amnesia), so basically my memory sucks and I at times forget family members I hadn't seen in a while I'd forget ppls' names ages. At times I would give myself shit for it but it is what it is. I can't remember. And if ppl forget shit about me I don't take it to heart but yeah. And I looked up maybe it has something to do with derealization or dissociation or possibly all of them.

At times I constantly struggle with recognizing myself like I feel like myself but I'd catch myself laughing at something but question why it's funny (idk that probably sounds weird) or I don't really like to look in mirrors and look at myself but at times I force myself to look at myself. I don't feel like I belong I think that's mostly what it is. But as me I have to do certain things to live here. Idk I can't place it

It's the depression the autism the abuse the dissociation lol it's all of it. Where do I put it. Recently I've been trying to capture the "feeling" of dissociation. Or "unrecognized" vibes. Even with this lil vid. But yeah idk I'm still here still growing still trying to understand this place.

Also um I asked this streamer I've been watching recently(she actually followed me back we are kinda mutuals) and she's pretty known. But I asked her if she was doing something for "Mother's Day" and I actually didn't hear her response b/c my internet was cutting out but later on she made a post saying not to ask about her mom cuz she died years ago. And I felt bad but I didn't know I'm sorry but I didn't make myself feel bad for asking cuz I didn't know. And idk ppl die yeah it's sad but ppl die. I doubt I'd be nonchalant about my mom dying but that's life. And she constantly talked about her dad on her streams I'd get kinda jealous cuz my parents suck but now I'm thinking about it more she probably talks about her dad so much cus she's grateful she still has a parent. And possibly cause their relationship is healthier than it was in the past. Not like I'm not happy for her I just wish I could talk so positively about my dad but at times it feels like I don't even have one. But yeah

I guess I've been feeling jealous a lot more lately it's kinda annoying cause ig I'm the type that "lives in her own world" (ppl have described me as that again I think it's cause of the tism) but I hate how jealous I've been feeling. I just want and want but can't have it. I thought I was fine being like this but I crave love and I'm jealous of ppl who have it and I'm scared of it. The idea of loving a person the idea someone could love me. Idk

I feel like Ennis stupid ass when he's all old but missing his gay lover that was killed yeah that's how I feel. Idk life goes on with or without u

[historixally-accurate]

falls through the ceiling and lands in your inbox...hey gold. thanks for the concern, i appreciate it </3 life unfortunately hasnt gotten easier lately, im still mad busy and slated to be even busier until like late november. god get me out of here i just want to draw minecraft men!!!!!!!!! [insert my school's name here] you are NOT skibidi for this. rolls comically into a table in my despair. hope you survived math tuition and it wasnt too bad. again i hope my little ezsay can make you smile :) lets get started !

i did see the fulham stream you were talking about, but i was busy and couldnt pop in T_T i would love to talk but im still relatively new to the mcsr fandom, and im really self conscious, haha. i agree with you, fulham's chat seems really nice! although i dont really have anything to compare it to, other than mr hax's chat...ive only recently started to talk outside of posting my art, and my twitch account is uh. a few days old. i was a youtube viewer before this, and i made a twitch account just to watch mr 21mustard u_u my friends joke about how im an old person because im borderline social media allergic. this is NOT TRUE. JUST BECAUSE I HAVE NO TIKTOK TWITTER OR INSTA INSTALLED DOESNT MEAN I AM GERIATRIC!!!! madge. the best thing thats come out of this is the joke that my favourite social media is google classroom. (it is not. i swear on my apple pencil its not.)

i agree that the change from the T score system to the A level system was a huge one and aftually i still dont know if i agree with that. ill send my best wishes to the next batch of juniors too. godspeed midgets😍

love that ur picking up slang from fein and fulham. i also believe theyre explodable. and may i also suggest "weird" as a replacement word. idk man... speaking of speech patterns beong affected, i think i can be deadpan sometimes. a result of watching too much content of my deadpan content creators, i guess. COUGH zylenox COUGH gamerboy80. 80 specifically, lol.

its so good to finally have someone to relate to about never being awake for content drops/streams. before this i was kinda resigned to forever being behind on infodrops. so when i was still in a largely western fandom i would just wake up every day, open up tumblr and quietly observe whatever shitshow had happened last night. mcsr gives me hope. it really does. im not joking when i say i was a grade A lurker >_> i didnt have a proper mutual until this year when i joined mcsr :)

god you mentioning your emerald design reminds me i DO STILL NEED TO GET TO KNOW EMERALD... i still know next to nothing about him help. dyou have any recommendations on where to start :D? AND I AM AN AVID FUNNY WATCHER AS WELL. im terminally down bad for alisster compliations and funny channels. using the word baby sensory is crazy😭😭its lowkey true though. personally a funny clip to me is from the vid "minecraft speedrunners with above average IQ". its the clip where anjou spills his yoghurt and screams in deapair. yes i know theres something wrong with me.

my mom gave up on saying gen alpha slang, but my dad uses it at all the wrong moments. nightmare flashback to when he said "sigma" in the larger family GC when wishing someone a happy birthday💀i nearly died of second hand embarrassemnt. HAPPY TO HEAR THAT OUR HUMOUR IS SIMILIAR!!! my humour is always described as degenerate by some of my friends jokingly. in my defense my sense of humour hasnt developed past p4 humour. skibidiest griddy is crazy btw i hope you know i broke out into the widest smile when i saw that.

about fein and mime, upon further reflection, theyre the same person in different flavours. okay but they both have the same snark even though they express it in different ways. maybe im not making sense here ill stop rambling. and i think your emerald design is really cool man. call you ramsey cause my man is COOKING STRAIGHT GAS💥💥💥LIGHT IT UP

finally another milk before cereal perosn😭😭😭i thought this day would never come. https://youtu.be/MyWGw1x26NU?si=lojmAq_b2NCMSNcB please watch this. literally all of hbg pours cereal first with the exception of my goat ninjabrain. i use my spoon to meaure the amount of milk to pour in the bowl every time (i pour till the level of milk reaches the spoon handle etc), so i just vary the amount of cereal i put in. people who get so heated up discussing these sorts of things are so funny. i love casually dropping my milk first fact into IRL conversations when i first meet people to see if i can get em riled up. its probably gives them a horrible impression. just wait until i reveal i can do a split with my stomach on the floor. freaky.

giving a whole gastronomic analysis of pineapple on pizza is absolutely Wild but go off king! when you say chips my brain goes to potato chips. do you actually mean you eat potato chips with tomato sauce...wtf. what taste buds.... but thats still not the worst ive heard, i guess??? the weirdest combination ive heard is ranch suace with WATERMELON. WATERMELON. LITERALLY WHAT IS THAT. whats the wierdest youve heard of??

food rewards in return for good grades wow. i dont think ive ever heard that one before. where do you find that shit in SG??? i swear no place serves that. unless im dumb help.

I SEE YOUVE ALSO WATCHED THE DRUNK SILVARRUNS FUNNY VID. tahts shit was so funny bro i swear its the goddamn drunk ahh finger waggle that gets me every time. and the insistent "redlime. REDLIME BAN __" . and the fact that fein literally had time to get elytra and loiter aroundthe end long enough to build an I heart U while silver was struggling drunk. then he proceeded to snatch the win from silver literally what is wrong with them.

you deserve all the compliments btw your mime art mever misses. i loved the latest talkingmime thumbnail art btw. thumbnail game banging.

have a gyattastic day and a rizzful night! dead tired but hey the grind never stops (i literally still have lessons tomorrow. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY SCHOOL.) hope youre alright :D

see you soon, sgmcsr anon

p.s. I RECENTLY SMASHED MY PB IN MINESWEEPER. i can now clear a medium in under a minute smile. next goal is a sub 50 u_u best of luck for your own speedrunning shenanigans :>

oh my god anon I'm so sorry I too have been so busy I just. haven't built the energy to respond 😭😭😭 IM SORRY but I'm on a bus to amath tuition so I have time <3

nonnie if you have time. you have to hop into the fulham stream.. it's awesome. tilted ranked queuing by yours truly (mr fulham) and so many nice chat members... I've never talked in hax or mustard chat ever... but I do miss hax hackingnoisess..... where is he. ALSO I WAS LIKE. YESTERDAY YEARS OLD WHEN I FOUND OUT HAX WAS FROM HONG KONG????? insane. I didn't know?!?! and MONGEY LIVES IN AUSTRALIA.. absolutely wild 😭 and fyroahs from Vietnam... the Asian mcsr community is GROWING. this is such a dub.

don't worry about not having social media because although I have Instagram, I don't have tiktok (thank god). YouTube shorts and Instagram reels have already cocked up my brain so. no more tiktok <3 I think it's walright to not have social medias, I deleted twitter 2 weeks back and I have never felt so much peace ever.. wonderful... no politics... wonderful mongey life..

I TRULY WISH THE P6s WHO GOT THEIR PSLE SCORES A VERY HAPPY GOOD LUCK AND IT ISNT THE END OF THE WORLD.. godspeed to all the brainrotted midgets... near, far and wide.... santa is calling for his elves..

apart from the stuff I've picked up from fein and fulham, I've picked up shit like "unlucky" or "insane" from desktopfolder and other mcsrs ^_^ "HOOOOOLLLYYY" from couriway, or "RIGHT..." from every other mcsr that streams. I'd say my personality is now just a mix of fruitberries and everything else. I don't know. please don't judge me... I watch fulham, mime, and mongey the most in terms of streams, but i dont think I've picked up anything from them :') also about the grade a lurker? most of my subjects before EOY were subpar. after finding mcsr I got 4/7 As for my subjects :3 mcsr saves lives on god

sadly emerald doesn't have any funny channels, he only has his twitch highlights </3 they're all equally as funny. gen alpha speech has RUINED ME.

(update it is 3 25 pm I got cooked)

continuing on, I cannot go one sentence without the word skibidi. feinberg as polluted my speech. help. svae me. I need to be. normal. I hope I am funny. I hope. I just hope. people say I'm funny but guys I don't know!

YOURE SO RIGHT ABOUT MIME AND FEIN BEING THE SAME PEOPLE IN DIFFERENT FONTS. I love them oh so dearly. I would die for the mime and fein duo. save me... save me..... I don't think my art is that good 😭 there's stuff I can definitely improve in, I don't know why people hype it up so much 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but thank you nonetheless <3

I watched that video. I am absolutely appalled that none of them put milk before cereal. EXCEPT MY GOAT MR NINJABRAIN. bless his soul 😭 for me, the amount of milk depends on the amount of cereal I put. so if I put half a bowl of cereal, I do a quarter bowl of milk so it soaks enough ^_^ it makes it taste nicer. I don't really gaf about how people eat their cereal, I just like the expression people make when I tell them I say one or the other way LMAOOOOOOOOO awesome. they are so shocked.

listen buddy I will defend pineapples on pizza with my LIFE. it's one of my favourite foods ever, I'm sorry Italians :') okay if I explain that ketchup and tomato chips are like chips with salsa would thst make it sound more appealing?? because that's the case for me 😭 I SWEAR I AM NOT THAT WEIRD PELASE.. ranch and watermelon is fucking RANCID what the hell. I don't like ranch unless it's the wingstop ranch, DONT MIX BOTH. THATS FUCKING REVOLTING.

idt there's any places in SG that do that, but some tuition centres give you free snacks sometimes (like mine) . yay. free snack.

THE SILVERR MODS FINGER WAGGLE AND SHOO SHOO AWAY ACTION IS HILARIOUS AND HAS BECOME A DAILY PRACTICE. I DO IT EVERY HOUR. IT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. shoutout my AA goat feinberg aa minecraft for still oblitersting him despite getting the elytra and writing a whole ass message out of blocks for him 😭😭😭😭 drunkenruns my spirit animal.

THANK YOU... SHOUTOUT TALKINGMIMEFUNNY FOR COMMING ME.. I had fun. the video was so awesome. I'm happy people like the thumbnail as much as I do :'3 YEAH

anyway, that's enough gold yapping, have yet another mongeyful pyun pyun kawaii night or day ahead, I'm going to go grind out my feinberg cosplay lmao.

(ps THATS FUCKING SICK. good job anon... I want to really pick up minesweeper. so cool. so cool.)

obligatory mime doodle. doodle. doodle.

[princepsfianna]

probably the most depressing (for me at least) poem i've wrote to date which isn't "i want to kill everyone" over and over again so content warning about some.. heavy sort of things so uhh ill use these images as dividers or something idk

I like this, though I was in total tears writing it out. I guess I've became incredibly disconnected from basically anything before I was 14/15. I can't even remember really anything from before those times. Or even since then I just kinda.. forget a lot that I am indeed a human being with a real physical form and not a creature which exists outside time and space and has been roaming the land since for eons. Being reminded and taken out that escapist fantasy is deeply saddening and I was pulled from it earlier tonight which is why I think I am so miserable. I had some vision of a woman wearing perhaps 12th century garb looking at me like I was evil. I stared back at her for what was just a moment or two but felt like hours and she just walked away. I guess I feel so different but so similar it's what drives me to this state. I want to be like them, staunch, tall and beautiful yet I fall so very short. I dislike how everyone views me and perceives me and yet I can not change that because its 2024 and I am an adult man and not, sadly, a medieval knight who died with his blood strewn about the ground in battle for the lions rampant or Eirinns harp. Bleh! Sad!

"It was when the lads became the lads, When things got real, when some became dads. Yet still here I can't quite recall a thing, Those I knew, those memories were string.

But where are they now? Like dust they are gone, Will they return? I know it not, perhaps they'll spawn. All I recall is that I was not of them, the unusual one. I still remember that there was nothing to like, none.

The one who, at eight, knew how to tie tight a noose. The one who, at nine, had developed a love of misuse. Whatever might have been, those dreams that boy share. Now though, to that dead one, it's but a cold nightmare.

I ponder what that boy now thinks of me, Is he in awe? Or is he in disgust with he? Can he still recognise that creature in his place? That thing to whom is vile and repulsive in its face?

Whatever might have been, his hopes and his dreams. Of friends, of love and of joy, now though it's not as it seems. Now he lies a bleeding, alone in the cold wintry highlands. I look down at him, the young boy is bleeding with red hands.

No one to hear his cries, his eyes get wearier and wearier. He cries for pity, his days they seem so tragic yet ulterior. And still, I can not care, for this young boy. For he was nothing to me, he was just a foy.

Though he calls to me, Mister, Mister! I turn my back upon his whisper. Though chained to him, I am. To his blood, like but a lamb.

And yet still, I do not care for it. I do not care for myself nor the kit. The little boy will soon go quick. There'll be no salvation from the sick.

There'll jusy be evil joy in the soul, The vultures and the scum shall control. His beauty faded from his hate, Ah what terrible is his poor fate?

Exhausted body in his own tears, As around rages in him at his hours. He'll die without love, only I know he has died. He'll die without care, Mother and Father not beside.

He's fell silent now, the smile of hope goes out. He's now in his last, eternal dream, rest well noble scout. May your tired eyes carry softly to that sleep, Be calm and be at peace in the deep.

Be in the embrace of the moonlight, I'm sorry! That I wans't there for your bright. But still, know my sorrow is my grief too. You were loved more than you knew.

I wish trouble was far from your mind, And I hope, though dead, you forgive my blind. I loved you, I miss you, I loved you, I miss you. And I'm sorry that now you shine a darker hue.

But maybe your dreams be sweet, May you be safe on cloudsbed, soft as a treat. And may they be cursed by their progeny, Those that, to you, watched potently.

ANd yet did nothing, like felons. They stood and watched, the heavens. Oh what a pitiful end, oh little boy! I'm sorry, I'm sorry you were but a toy..

A miserable one, i'm sorry. You loved like was charlie. But you were abandoned with perfidy. I'm sorry that now I arise, cursedly."

[snowandnilio]

[Idk if this is rly a vent or js me Ranting 'bout shit again]

About an hour ago I told my mom that I'm trans, and she accepted me-

I js can't tell my dad yet-

But yeah, she accepts for who I am :) Boy or girl it don't matter :3

I went to a party too- I cried cuz it was kinda to loud for me :^

Ma told me that That's how parties are, rn their at a dudes house partying, he's a fucked up partyer, that's my ma told me :^

The one we were at was a wild one, that bitch was talking a Lil too loud about raising children, I get how it is cuz I have 3 niece's here.

I ain't raising em, my parents are, jk, my sis js kinda fucking off with the baby and a homeless fuck. But she's coming here tmr, js gotta get her truck fixed up and then she'll pick up the 2nd youngest kid, the other are okay with us here,

I kinda wish they didn't go that dudes house, hope their okay :(

Atleast I told ma to stay safe, cuz when I say that it works :D

I shouldn't have said to my "bsf" z tho, btw ava unfriended me yesterday, no big deal, not like anyone died or anything. She's js mad that I ain't online 24/7 and texting HER 24/7.

Like. Gurl. I lost motiv to talk to anyone, only when I'm bored then I js bother one person on here or on yt for awhile while I'm bored💅

Anyway🥱

I wanna get some sleep but i gotta stay up so I can open the noor for my ma :)

It was fun tho! We left her slingshot shaped stick at the bridge tho 😔

But we got a bigger one that makes it easier to whack bad ppl👍

I'm still alive and well, js gonna drink some water and force myself to stay up for ma and then maybe vent ta my fav person<3

[nathank77]

4/19/24

4:56 p.m Edited/Added to 5:05 p.m

I just woke up. I had a very hard time falling asleep again. I closed my eyes at 7:06 a.m, opened them at 7:42. Took a second 25mg Hydroxyzine. Took my first 25mg Benadryl. Closed my eyes until 8:12 still wasn't asleep... ate a think bar and then closed my eyes again.

I must have fallen asleep in 20 minutes or so after that. I've been getting weird tactile hallucinations that are associated with my mental pictures like before with psychosis... and sounds that are associated with my mental pictures at least I think for that one... cause it's like I hear a ting and imagine a can... it could be From my show... with the mental picture right after the sound.

The tactiles are like I grab a can or something and my hand feels like it moves to grab it or it actually moves..... or i can feel the can......I've had a lot of those recently.. I'm wondering if it's real xanax but based on other nights with the same bottle I fell asleep fast despite getting these.

The other day I was in the shower and I was kinda freaked out bc of my ocd and I closed my eyes and had a mental image of the shower and my arm almost touching the wall so like rather than it being visual when I was smoking pot it prob was all mental images...

Anyways I accidently started posting on dopaminergicaddictions again.. I reblogged everything here. But I accidently deleted one of my posts an important one. I'm mad cause I can't re-write it. It's just gone. I wish there was a recent garbage can...

Anyways I'm about to go see my mom but my uncle died today and my dad wanted me to call him.. so I called him.

He was like a stone wall. He expects me to go the funeral. I said I'd only go out of respect for him. I said i have 3 reasons I don't want to go:

1) time i need to sleep- he said the wake would be at like 330 or 4... but not the funeral so he expects me to go to the wake..

2) clothes I have no nice clothes. He said I have money I need to buy something nice. I DONT HAVE THE MONEY TO BUY SOMETHING TO SEE THAT SHIT BAG. HE NEVER ACCEPTED ME. THE CLOTHES YOU NEED ARE EXPENSIVE. DRESS PANTS, A BUTTON UP.

I said I don't really have the money and he was like well you're on disability and I said yes but only ssi and I only get a little over 900$ a month I'm not on ssdi like you. I mentioned the disability appts and them saying he isn't on it. He didn't make a comment. So idk. I didnt push past that..

But I don't have the money to buy something nice to wear to Mark's wake.

3) then I said well psychosis is more than hearing a voice. I get mental pictures and I don't want to see a dead person. Cause of that. I said it would depend on the person but ingeneral atm It's not healthy for me to see a dead body.

- he was like well they may cremate him and if they don't you don't have to go up and see him.

He said something like I know you don't respect him and maybe me and I jumped in and said I do respect you dad you're the only reason I'd go! And he brought up that I didn't see my grandmother or my aunt the two times they came down..

He is like a stone wall he fully expects me to go. I don't have anything to wear i don't want to be around people crying. It's not healthy for me.....and mark isn't worth it! He didn't mean anything to me!

I didn't bring up reason 4: mark never accepts me. He talkes massive shit about me to my face and to my mother and sister and everyone. I was a freakshow to mark.

I might as well have been in the freakshow at a circus to him. He didn't respect my gender at all.

I don't care for Melissa- his daughter she posted this thing on fb about not knowing if women are really women nowadays and having to look for an Adam's apple....made a joke about it.

I don't care for Bryan his son- he constantly talks to me like mark did, man up if you want to be a man so badly. Etc. He outed me to my sisters ex boyfriend during the move. He is an asshole.

Marks wife eddy... I do like but I mean I'm sure she's on board with all the transphobia..... I mean she just didn't say it. Beyond that Mark raped her multiple times. He was a hot head who would break your jaw for saying the wrong thing.

Oh yea he was a drug dealer too...

I mean I truly hated mark and I would not regret not going. Cause to me he didn't exist. He wasn't my family. He used to be my favorite uncle and then I transitioned and he lost all respect for me and I snipped him the fuck out.

He died to me when I started my transition.

So idk what to do cause the whole respect for my father thing should have been enough... like i respect you but XYZ and they are good reasons... and you know he said your uncle may not have respected you but you got to be there for the family..

No I really don't... you never talked to mark. You thought he was shit too... and despite some of my family accepting me the primary people who this affected- eddy, Bryan and Melissa mean nothing to me. And I mean absolutely nothing.

So idk what to do. I'm stressed about seeing my mother. I'm stressed cause if I don't go to marks wake then I've disrespected my father.

I'm stressed cause I lost an important post bc I accidently started posting on dopaminergicaddictions again and I deleted one where I got a lot of feelings out.

I'm stressed that I didn't sleep well.. I woke up at 3:30..

I'm stressed that I'm having the wierd tactile hallucinations with my mental images.

I don't want to buy clothes and go to see mark. He didn't respect me. I was a girl to him.

He wasn't my fucking family. And everytime I try to imagine glasses I see him partially dead already very unclear but his face and part of his glasses ... cause he wore them... so I mean yea I prob shouldn't go..

This isn't about getting off this is just psychosis being a cunt and already fucking with the mental pictures. If I see him there I will see the mental picture of him for months.

[mcrmadness]

I saw the weirdest damn stress dream in a while. I woke up so exhausted by it wtf.

I was on my way to somewhere and I was going there by plane. I was sitting in the front seat, but the plane looked more like a bus. I kept forgetting all kinds of things, such as the seatbelt, and I was trying to put on my sunglasses.

The plane was still driving on the runway, and some woman in the plane started talking to the pilot/driver and asked him about plane accidents. He said most of the accidents happen on the runway and demostrated what kind of driving leads to them often. Which was scary since he was driving in order to get the plane into air...

At some point the plane stopped somewhere. It was like a really tiny souvenir shop but it was just candies everywhere. I was looking at the candies and trying to find something I could buy for myself, but didn't find anything I'd have wanted to eat so I left, because I was the last one and others were still waiting for me in the plane. I went back and sat on the front again. It also started snowing outside despite it being summer, and I was wondering whether it'd cause problems for the plane.

At some point the plane was "driving" in a forest, towards a slightly steep hill where there were also a part with a vertical side. Other were cheering for the pilot that he can do it, he can drive the plane up that hill and get it flying. Then I realized that I was actually outside the plane, I was sliding forward and floating in the air. It was like the plane would have glitched like a video game, the plane was going uphill but I continued forwards so I went "through" the plane's walls and was sliding towards the wall slowly. I think I tried to yell at them that they, I'm not in the plane anymore!

I think I then walked on top of that hill (it was probably just about 3-4 meters high wall) and I looked at the sky where the plane was flying. But it glitched, again. Part of it just came apart like bad graphics, everything from wings to turbines, and it fell and crashed. There was some sort of an airport underneath, but it fell next to it. I started running towards the airport and I guess I kinda just teleported there because next thing I knew was that I was inside that building. There were already people investigating the crash and trying to save the people that were in the plane. I found some cops there, I think we were in Austria actually, and I started talking to them in English and they took me seriously until I started explaining I was also in that plane but somehow glitched out of it, which is when the cops just started smiling and giggling at me because it sounded so stupid. So I decided to walk away and look for people who would believe me instead.

Next I found a hospital room and there were women that apparently were on the plane too, but they were all fine. All of them had their boyfriend in the room too, they had been in the plane crash as well and they were much worse injured but still more of had bruises etc. But they were doing worse then the girlfriends. Afaik everyone in that plane did survive.

Then it got more intense when there was some adult man, who was just. Insane. He was very violent and he was threatening and following his father around, he was saying so horrible things and his dad was just running away and trying to tell him that they're related, they cannot possibly do anything like that. There were also snow piles somewhere but idk why. I also remember hiding in a room that was actually a room in my parents' house, and I was scared of that man and I wished he wouldn't do anything to people he doesn't know. So I tried to stay hidden as I didn't really want to know what he'd do if he saw me.

I think I woke up somewhere here. The weirdest part of this dream was definitely that where I glitched and floated through the plane. I do remember thinking about, tho, that I was also extremely lucky because I could have died in that plane crash if I didn't glitch like that.