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#and then when I do try to.. get through it. then im still going to end up crying about it
dollarbils · 2 days
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my stalker | b.e.
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billie eilish x fem!reader
context. your stalker isn’t too happy about the police report you’d just filed.
warnings. stalker billie, harsh words, physical struggle
the drive back from the police station was nerve racking. every turn you took you felt like someone was watching you. like she was watching you. your paranoia had overtaken your life as you watched every step you took, constantly checking your surroundings and double locking the door. you were scared, and she loved it.
the buzz of your phone interrupted your hasty movements to get out of your car. you waited until you had gotten inside, double locking the door of course, before answering.
“hello?” you didn’t recognise the number but you’d assumed it was the guy you met last night at a party. you’d left him your number since he was hitting on you.
“well that wasn’t very nice of you, was it?” her voice was deep, somewhat angry. and it took everything in you not to scream and panic.
“stay the fuck away from me you psycho!” you yelled through the phone, not hanging up though, wanting to hear her response.
“it’s in your best interest to be kinder to me, baby. i’m not here to hurt you.” here. here. here?
“i’m going to call the police if i see you in my garden again.” you peeked out of the window, scanning the bushes.
“oh please, give me more credit.” this time, the voice didn’t come from your phone, it came from behind you and you spun around in a quick movement to dodge her arm that was reaching for you. however, you weren’t quick enough, as her other arm pulled you back towards her. she pushed you against the wall, her hands pinning you in place and her strength defeating you.
“what on earth do you want from me?” you held her eye contact, masking your ever growing fear. she seemed surprised. you couldn’t make out her features completely due to the darkness. her eyes however, were captivating all the same.
“i want you to stop reporting me to the police, it’s annoying.” she pressed into you, pinning your face in place with her hypnotising eyes.
“maybe don’t stalk me.” you suggested and she rolled her eyes.
“you’re scared of me. i can tell.”
“well what did you expect exactly? a hug and a kiss?” it seemed to be that pissing her off more was the strategy you were going with.
“don’t be afraid of me. i’m what you need.” she whispered on your cheek. “i can hear your heart beating. calm down baby.” you squirmed in her arms, trying to fight her grip but she only pushed you back harder. however soft her words were, her actions never matched. her face was still impossibly close to yours as she waited for a response.
“nothing to say?” she commented, teasing you for your sudden silence.
“fuck you.” you moved quickly, catching her by surprise and getting past her grip to reach for your phone. she was quicker however, grabbing it and shoving it in her back pocket.
“what the fuck.. stalker.” you contemplated on what you should call her. she simply chuckled at what you came up with.
“it’s billie.” she clarified her name.
“i don’t care, give me my phone.” she kept her distance, no longer making a move to reach for you.
“come and get it.” she challenged. “don’t be scared.” she added when you made no move to get your phone back.
“just tell me what you want and give me my phone back.” you moved away from her slowly but she just followed, keeping the exact same distance between you no matter how far back you traveled.
“i think you know what i want. and im not about to give you your phone back so that you can wait for your boy toy to text you.” her grin revealed the glistening metal on her teeth, even in the dark.
“how..?” you were at loss for words. a sick feeling rising to your stomach. no matter where you went she’d always know, she’d always be there too.
“hm?” she mocked you, waiting for you to continue.
“just leave me alone.” you pleaded her but she just chuckled.
“but you’re so fun to play with.” her smile was bright but her eyes were dark. she moved closer to you as you backed away but like always, she was much quicker.
“you’re sick.” you shook your head as her hands came up to your face. you didn’t bother stopping the action.
“i feel quite good.” her lips came down to yours, kissing the side of them, but missing them by a millimetre.
“what are you doing?” her hands caressed your neck as she moved her face to look at you.
“i know we’re meant to be.” her words were soft, contrasting most of what had transpired. you felt her hand on your ass for a second longer than it should’ve been. but when she closed the door behind her and you reached inside of your pocket, you found your phone, as if it had been untouched.
as she walked away from your house calmly, a smile was plastered on her face. she knew you’d be thinking about her for the rest of the week. and that’s all she wanted. for now.
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walk with me…
ftm reader who has been in love with logan for years but he thinks logan is straight and also logan like wont stop being in love with jean and is absolutely OBLIVIOUS that r likes him.. (literally all the other x men know) and honestly this can be like super angsty or just silly idc whatever the vibe u best think works
im gonna somehow go with mostly angst coz thats my fav so here goes
tw for gender dysphoria related to wanting to fit logan’s so called type
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BUT HE’S STRAIGHT?
Logan was staring at Jean again. This was like the fifth time just this staff meeting. You weren’t sure how much longer you could take this. Maybe Charles would let you go lay down if you faked a fever but maybe he’d do the whole psychic thing and realize you were fine.
You sat through the rest of the meeting and then left quickly, feeling like a loser. It’s been years and he still hasn’t noticed you. He’s always staring at Jean who’s literally been in love with Scott since they met. Why won’t he stare at you? How the fuck is he straight? But alas, he is.
You walked to your room, tugging at your shirt and wishing it would fit better. Maybe he’d have noticed you if you weren’t a boy, if you’d stayed what you’d been born as. Maybe if you were still her, he’d think you were cute. Maybe he’d look at you how he looked at Jean.
You slammed your door shut and clambered onto your bed, curling up into a ball. You stayed there, just thinking, until eventually you fell asleep.
In the morning, you got up and after showering and getting dressed, you threw on the jacket you’d stolen from Logan a few months ago, the one with the school’s logo. Maybe he wouldn’t notice. It’s not like he ever noticed you.
You went about your day, bumping into Scott who made a faux growl sound like Logan’s to tease you and then bumping into Hank who sniffed your jacket and then applauded you on managing to steal from Logan. Later in the day, you ran head first into Storm, when you were trying to avoid Logan, and she glanced at him and then meowed at you teasingly. You’d swear on someone’s grave that the only person who didn’t know about your years old crush was the man himself, Logan.
You managed to avoid Logan all day until… dinner. He was sitting opposite the spot you always sat in. He was sitting there. Why was he sitting there was a question you couldn’t answer. You tugged at your jumper while holding your plate with one hand and you walked over to him.
“Logan,” you said with a nod.
“Bub,” he said back before looking you over.
He didn’t say anything about the jacket. He just sat there and ate his dinner and then stood up. He walked around to your side and leaned down to whisper in your ear. “Nice jacket, bub.”
He then walked off, just like that.
What the fuck? What the actual fuck? He didn’t know though. He would know about your ridiculous crush if he was listening to your heartbeat right now. Oh my god, so he knew you’d stolen it but he couldn’t put the damn pieces together?
You finished your dinner and walked off. You were halfway to your room when someone grabbed your hand and pulled you into an empty classroom. The door was slammed and you were disoriented in the dark.
“You like me, bub?”
That was Logan’s voice. Wait, he knew? How? But…
“Come on, I ain’t got all day,” he said abruptly.
You nodded. You were quite sure he could see in the dark and the scoff he made seemed to say so. How could you have been so stupid? He was probably going to hate you now. He was straight. He’d always been straight and in love with Jean. He was oblivious. He’d always been oblivious. He could never like you. You weren’t a girl, no matter how hard you wanted to still be one so he’d like you. Your heart was racing and soon enough, you were hyperventilating.
His hands were on your shoulders and you were being pulled into a hug, a hug that smelt of wood and fuel. He was hugging you?
“It’s okay, I got you, bub,” he placed a light kiss on your forehead, “I swing both ways, you know.”
You’d always hated that he was still taller than you, one of the downsides of not getting on T until your 20’s and- wait, what? He swings both ways?
“You-you do?” You said once your breathing had slowed.
He nodded. You couldn’t see it but you could feel it. He could like you… as you, as a man? You didn’t have to be someone else? You could just be you.
“Yep, now let’s go. I think there’s two beers calling our names in the teacher’s lounge,” he said before opening the door and pulling you out of the classroom. “Jean mentioned your little crush and now I gotta hear all about how you’ve been pining for me for years.”
Curse you, Jean, but thanks, was all you could think as you just nodded and walked with him to the teachers lounge.
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sykoangels · 2 days
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Oh professor?
pairing: mutant!reader x professor!logan
warnings: age gap (everyone is 18+) slight dubcon , unprotected sex, degrading and praise, rough sex
notes: im surprised y’all liked the first part!! So since im nice i’m putting out part two! This is part one go read that first!!
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It’s been a couple of days since the incident in Professor Logan‘s classroom. Something that hadn’t left your mind for a couple of days now all you could think of was that intimate moment you shared with him, it felt wrong because he was your professor, but also right and away felt like he could take care of you and pleasure you nobody else could.
So you made the executive decision to avoid him at all costs not because you were afraid of him or anything but because you didn’t want to risk your reputation or his reputation to be tarnished over some sexual experience. Many of the girls in your class found him attractive. They always said very sexual jokes about him and within earshot of you trying to predict things about his body and what he would do to you in bed, but you can only laugh along, pretending like you didn’t try to make out with him while getting calculus help 
Unfortunately, you had to come to class due to the fact you’re having a final today and not other than Logan‘s class. And the back of your head like he planned final this on purpose, but you know you were just being overdramatic because all of your finals were today due to the curriculum standards taking your final towards the end of the semester. Logan stood at the front of the classroom, his eyes scanning the rows of students. The room was filled with the usual chatter and rustling of papers, but his focus was on one person in particular. Y/N sat in the middle row, her head slightly bowed as she scribbled notes. He could see the tension in her posture and the way her fingers gripped the pen tightly. His heart ached with a mixture of guilt and longing.
The bell rang, signaling the start of class, and the room fell silent. Logan cleared his throat, his voice steady as he began passing out the test. But his mind was elsewhere, replaying the events of the previous day. The near-kiss, the knock at the door, the aching need that still lingered like an unfulfilled promise. He couldn't let it go on like this. He had to confront her, especially since he noticed the effect on himself and her. As the class progressed, Logan found himself glancing at Y/N more often than he should. Each time their eyes met, she quickly looked away, her cheeks flushing a deep shade of pink. It was clear she was just as affected by their encounter as he was. By the time the lecture was halfway through, he knew he couldn't wait any longer.
"Y/N," he called out, his voice cutting through the silence. "Could you come up here for a moment?" The room fell into an uneasy hush as all eyes turned to her. Y/N hesitated, her breath catching in her throat, before slowly standing and making her way to the front. Logan watched her approach, noting the way her skirt swayed with each step, the subtle curve of her hips drawing his gaze. When she reached him, he could feel the heat radiating from her body, the scent of her perfume intoxicating." Is something wrong, Professor?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Logan shook his head, his eyes locked on hers. " I need to talk to you. After class.”
He looked at her up and down noticing the cute pleated skirt she was wearing with a black t-shirt with a lace ribbon hem with you pulled into a slick black ponytail that was curled tightly. He had thoughts of just fucking you senselessly on his desk for the whole world to see but he keeps himself composed giving Y/N a cold and husky look as he motions for her to sit down. Y/N’s mind was bustling with several different thoughts. Logan was so vague about what he had to talk to her about, but she had a feeling it was about to kiss they almost shared a couple of days ago. She swallowed hard, trying to focus on the lecture, but her thoughts kept drifting back to that moment.
The bell rang, signaling the end of class. Students began packing up their things, chatting amongst themselves as they left the room. Y/N stayed seated, her hands trembling slightly as she waited for Logan to dismiss her. When the last student had exited, Logan closed the door behind them and turned to face her. "Come here," he said, his voice low and commanding.
Y/N hesitated for a moment before standing up and walking towards him. As she approached, Logan's eyes roamed over her body, taking in every detail. He could feel the heat rising within him, the desire building in his chest. He wanted her, and he wasn't going to waste any time. "Sit," he ordered, pointing to the edge of his desk. Y/N obeyed, her legs brushing against the cool surface as she perched on the edge. Logan moved closer, his hands resting on either side of her hips. He could smell the faint scent of her perfume, a mix of vanilla and something else that drove him wild. He leaned in, his breath hot against her ear.
"Do you know why I called you here?" he asked, his voice thick with lust. Y/N shook her head, her eyes wide with anticipation. "No, Professor," Logan smirked, his fingers tracing the curve of her waist. "I think you do doll.” Y/N looked up at Logan feeling her heart beat out of her chest. Logan held Y/N’s chin looking into their eyes before speaking. “I know you stare at me darling and that little stunt you pulled a few days ago. I was perplexed why my star student would need help with something as easy as my calculus homework. You just wanted private attention but couldn’t admit it.” Y/N nodded, her cheeks flushed with arousal and embarrassment. "Yes, Professor. I shouldn’t attempted to “
Before she could finish her statement, his lips were on hers, pressing hard against her mouth. Y/N gasped, her hands flying to his shoulders as he kissed her deeply, his tongue exploring her mouth with a hunger that left her breathless. She could feel his hardness pressing against her thigh, and she moaned into his mouth, her body responding to his touch. “Stop talking. Let me give you that private lesson you have been wanting” Logan said caressing her cheek. His hands moved to cup her breasts through her shirt. He squeezed gently, his thumbs brushing over her nipples, causing them to harden instantly. Y/N arched her back, pressing herself closer to him, her breath coming in short gasps. Logan's hands moved lower, slipping under her skirt to find the lace of her panties. He traced the edge of the fabric with his fingers, teasing her sensitive skin. "I barely touched you and you are already soaked. I didn’t know you were such a whore." he murmured, his voice filled with satisfaction.
Y/N whimpered, her hips bucking against his hand. "Please, Professor..." Logan grinned, his fingers dipping beneath the lace to stroke her clit. “What do you want darling? Come on tell me what you want with that pretty mouth of yours”. She bit her lip, her eyes pleading with him. "I want you...inside me.”
Logan's cock twitched at her words, and he quickly unzipped his pants, freeing his throbbing erection. He positioned himself between her thighs, his tip pressing against her entrance. Y/N gasped, her hands gripping his arms as he slowly pushed inside her. The sensation was overwhelming, her tightness gripping him like a vice. "Oh God," she whispered, her nails digging into his skin. Logan grunted, his hips thrusting forward as he buried himself deep inside her. He held still for a moment, savoring the feel of her around him, before pulling out and thrusting back in with more force. Y/N cried out, her body shuddering with pleasure as he pounded into her, his pace relentless.
"You like that, don't you doll ?" he growled, his voice rough with exertion. Y/N nodded, her eyes half-lidded with ecstasy. "Yes, Professor...so good..." Logan's hands gripped her hips, lifting her slightly as he continued to fuck her with abandon. He could feel his own release building, the pressure in his balls growing with each thrust. He wanted to make this last, to draw out her pleasure as long as possible, but the sight of her writhing beneath him, her cries of passion filling the room, was too much to resist.
“Come on my cock doll! I know a good girl like you can" he commanded, his voice hoarse with desire. Y/N cried out, her body tensing as she came hard around his cock. Logan followed immediately, his own orgasm ripping through him as he spilled deep inside her. He collapsed against her, his breathing heavy as he struggled to regain control. Y/N lay there, her body trembling with aftershocks, her mind reeling from the intensity of the experience. Logan pulled out slowly, his eyes never leaving hers. He reached down, wiping away the evidence of their encounter with his thumb before licking it clean.
"That was just the beginning," he said, his voice low and dangerous.
Y/N shivered, her heart pounding in her chest. "What do you mean?"
Logan smiled, a dark glint in his eyes. "I have plans for you, Y/N. My precious star student. Why don’t you run along now. You have combat training in an hour go get cleaned up and I will see you in tomorrow bright and early dollface.”
Y/N quickly readjusted her clothes and got her stuff before scurrying out of Logan’s class with a slight limp from taking him. Logan let out a faint chuckle before putting on his readers and adjusting them before grading some papers.
🏷️ @shoyofroyoyoyo @seasonofthenerd @fictionalmen-dilflover @g0ldenstarr
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onskepa · 3 days
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Could you do a human x sulys reacting to her tattoo. It could be a medusa one but if you have a better idea for a tattoo, use that!
Okie, I searched far and wide and I found a good one! Enjoy!
P.S: I will try to not be super specific on where the tattoo is placed, I leave that to your imagination
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Slukx
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It was a hot day in the forest, seasons are not normal in Pandora but what they are going through can be somewhat called ‘summer’. It was also a wonderful time where the water in lakes, rivers, ponds, lagoons all are nice and cool. Perfect to beat the heat. So that is where the sully family had an idea. The children invited their close friends to join in as well. 
Neytiri knew the perfect spot where it was spacious for everyone, safe and had a beautiful view of the waterfalls. Even fish if they get hungry. It was going to be a fun day that everyone looked forward to. 
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“CANONBAAAAAAAAALL!!” Jake shouts out as he jumps into the water, causing a massive splash. His kids all laugh happily and start to splash him. Neytiri makes sure all the items are set before joining in with her family. 
She looks back, beckoning the family friend.  
“Slukx, come, the water is clear and very refreshing” she says. 
Slukx nods as she starts to take off her outer clothes, leaving only her swimming outfit.
“I'm going, i'm going” she replies, making sure she is set, she climbs up from where Jake launched himself and jumps into the water as well. Swimming to where everyone was at, slukx reamurges up for air. 
“Wow, this is nice,” she compliments. 
“What is that???” tuk asks, her eyes wide. Everyone else all staring at the same spot. Slukx looks at them confused. 
“What is what?” she asks. 
“That” kiri points to a certain area of her body. 
“Is that a tattoo?” Jake asks. 
“Oh, yeah, it's a tattoo” slukx replies simply, not seeing a big deal about it. She tries to swim away but gets dragged back. 
“How come we have never seen this tattoo before?” Jake asks as he holds slukx. 
“I don't see the big issue” she replies. 
“Nonsense, tattoos are sacred here. Is it the same for sky people? Making a mark of achievement in the form of ink?” Neytiri asks. Slukx and Jake share a look. 
“Something like that, yeah” Jake answers. 
The kids get closer to observe the tattoo in great detail. 
“Its so cool!” 
“Weird patterns” 
“Why that shape?” 
“They look like fangs!” 
“Does it have meaning?” 
The kids wouldn't stop asking, needing to know. Slukx chuckles as she gently silences them. “Look, I get you all want to know, but for now I just want to swim around. We came here to enjoy ourselves. So let's do that, yeah? Later I promise to explain the meaning behind my tattoo”. 
Everyone seemed to agree and continue on with their swimming. However, from time to time the kids can't help but get closer to stare at the ink itched on her skin. 
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Night came, after fishing everyone was having their fill. Enjoying good roasted fish with berries and clean water. Sharing funny moments anyone can recall, Jake and Neytiri sharing their stories of their younger years and so on. 
Fire was light, bringing warmth and light to their small area. Overall the fun is still going until they pass out. 
Until then, slukx was enjoying her meal when she couldnt ignore 5 sets of oogling eyes. 
“Yes? Do you need something?” she asks without needing to turn her head. 
“Soooo….about the tattoo” spider drags his words a bit. 
“You promised you would tell us!” tuk pushes a bit as she crawls close to see the tattoo again. 
“Alright, I did promise” slukx gives in. The children cheer and gather in front of her, jake and Neytiri doing the same. All eyes and ears on her. So, clearing her throat, she begins to explain the reasoning and meaning behind her tattoo.
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“This symbol is called ‘Odin’s three horns’. It is from an old legend, like a thousand year old legend. From an era called ‘the iron age’” slukx begins to explain. 
“Vikings, just say vikings” jakes slightly interrupts her with a none impressed expression. Neytiri lightly hit his head as she hissed, “silent, let her talk”. 
“Thank you neytiri, now as I was saying. Yes, Vikings were the ones who created this symbol” slukx goes on. 
“What are vikings??” Kiri asks. 
Slukx boops her nose, “that's for another time” 
“Anyways, the Odin’s three horns have a very unique meaning. One that I believe I reflect myself upon” she goes on. 
Neteyam gets closer, “what does it mean?” he asks. 
Slukx points to each horn, “pursuit of knowledge, wisdom, and inspiration. I have come a long way net. To learn, to grow, and to find new paths. Much like all of you”. 
“Beautiful…” Neytiri was sort of awe struck. The symbol was odd, but the meaning is amazing. 
“There is also a story behind it too” 
“Yes! Story time!!” tuk cheers as she snuggles up next to slukx. Everyone gets into a much more comfortable position to hear the story. Clearing her throat, slukx begins to tell. 
“The myth says that the triple horn was once real, and it contained a source that if consumed, those who drink it will have…”
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I might, might not link this story to a future fic! But! I hope you are ok with the symbol I chose, I thought it would fit more with the story. Hopefully you enjoyed it! Until next time! See ya!
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Slukx = Horn of animal
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echantedtoon · 2 days
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A Lovers' Circle (Poly Haishira x Reader) Ch10 A Scarred Heart P3
(Warnings for mentioning of harassment from last chapter, and Sanemi roughing Jake up. 
I dunno anything about health classes really do I'm just making something up for Y/n's interactions with Giyuu so bare with me on that part....Also yes. Giyuu's next to be romanced.
Also important to note that I'm mostly basing how everyone falls for Y/n based on the old post I made here.
Taglist: @shadyd3ar @jcrml @tengensangel
@miniverse-zen @mysteri0uz @jjamsbangtan
@the-unknown-fandom @lavenderdropp
@mimisweetz. @purplesoulsapphire
@kksmush @denkpanda18 @whomisi
@lessthanimperfect
Remember if you want to be added to the taglist lemme know
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Your day was officially ruined.
You weren't covered in mud, food, makeup, and rain this time but the memories and actions of Jake made you angry and shell shocked. All you could do was go outside and angry cry. But you weren't alone this time. Kanae was gently rubbing your back and seemed to be frazzled herself. Not that you blamed her. Gyomei had been informed about what happened by her. The usual gentle giant went from shocked to a rare angry you've never seen before.
At the moment said boyfriend was inside apologizing to the owner for what happened and paying for the food. It was Sanemi who was standing by you both acting like a bodyguard and giving worried looks to you both. 
"We're going to be alright," she assured you as you wiped your face. "Just take some deep breaths and try to calm yourself."
Eventually Gyomei did come out, lightly ducking his head to avoid hitting his head and immediately made his way over to you three. "Im sorry for taking so long. The owner was very understanding of the situation. Apparently he was not the first person who caused a fight at the bar." 
You continued to finish up wiping at your eyes face still red from crying and anger. Blinking before turning to toss the napkin in a nearby trashcan. This day was a disaster. It started out great but ended up being just a mess. You scowled at nothing but blinked when two large hands suddenly cupped your cheeks and tilted you up to the concerned look of Gyomei.
"Are you alright?"
You blinked before nodding. "Y-Yes. I'm ok. *sniff*" Although you did sigh and lean into the comforting touch of his hands.
"I'm sorry. I should've been there. This is the second time I wasn't there when he was around."
"I-It wasn't your fault."
"No. I should've been there. I have no excuses."
"Listen to her, Mei." A hand plopping onto his side had Gyomei turning towards Sanemi. "You were talking to your MOM. Sides you think a bastard like that cares about anyone else but himself? It's no one's dam fault but his and if he has at least one working braincell-" SMACK! He quickly smacked a fist into his palm. A strained smile on his face. "-he'll stay away. If not I have no problem knocking some more sense into 'em."
"I-I appreciate that."
"Tch. No one touches my girls and gets away with it."
... Gyomei turned his head with a brow raised to him. "'My girls'?"
"OUR girls!," Sanemi quickly corrected looking at him. "Kanae shouldn't have gone through that neither did your girlfriend! I'm not wrong!"
Gyomei raised a brow higher with a hum as Sanemi sweated under him. 
"Hey. The day's almost over so why don't we just settle down." Kanae quickly redirected the topic away from them. "My house isn't too far from here. Would you two like to come over and watch a movie? We can get pizza or something."
"T-That's really nice of you to offer, but I think I just want to go home." You politely declined to Kanae who understood. 
"Then I'll walk you home. I'm so sorry our night had to turn out like this."
"N-No. Sanemi's right. It's no one's fault but Jake's. Let's just get back." You took a few steps towards the way back home before stopping and suddenly turning back to Sanemi. "Oh I almost forgot. Sanemi."
"Hm?" Said man froze as two hands grabbed him by the face and a second later a smooch was pressed into his cheek very quickly.
You instantly let go giving him a grateful smile. "Thanks for saving me. I really appreciate it. I owe you one I swear. See you tomorrow at campus. Bye, Kanae. It was nice seeing you again too."
"Bye, Y/n. See you tomorrow, Mei!" Kanae waved at them both as Gyomei wrapped an arm protectively around your shoulders and began walking you home. When they were both down the street, she turned to her frozen boyfriend and giggled at his expression. "Are you ok, Honey? You seem to be blushing."
"I'M NOT BLUSHING!!" 
The walk home was only silent with you leaning again your boyfriend who still placed a protective hold on your shoulders and every so often still uttered  apologies but you told him it was alright. For now you just found comfort in the presence of your large boyfriend. By the time you both DID get home it was getting a little late.
"Do you want to stay for dinner? You really didn't get to finish lunch and I don't mind cooking ?"
"I don't want you to feel like you have to do anything for me after today..but we could order something if that works for you?"
"Sure. I was going to cook something for someone tomorrow anyways! Come on in and I'll put in a movie."
A pair of legs quickly walked through the crowds and pushed past people in his way. A loud giggling came from the toddler resting on his shoulders and clinging to his big brother's head. There was an urgency as he walked in order to get to the daycare before his classes started and he'd be late. He pushed on further and further into the crowds of people not caring if they gave him dirty looks. He just kept a firm grip on his giggling brother who giggled out and made full speed ahead towards the building in front of him. Making it as he threw the door open and meeting a familiar sight.
"Hi, Sanemi!," you greeted him as he walked up to the counter. "Good morning!"
"Hey. How are ya? Gotta go!," he quickly spoke out lifting his giggling brother off his shoulders, over his head, and into your awaiting arms as you placed him on your hip. He then slung the extra bag off his shoulders. "Here's his clothes and stuff. I gotta go."
"Oh. Before you go I did get you something." He paused briefly blinking as you reached under the counter and pulled out a small box about as big as a small coffee cake. "It's some more ohagi!" You smiled brightly at him. "I made you some as thanks for yesterday. I hope you like it."
Said scarred man opened his mouth-.. Before his face turned a bright pink and he snatched it from your hands sputtering. "Yeahthanksgottagobye-" He quickly threw out at you before swiftly leaving as you waved.
Hm. He seemed in a hurry. Must've been late for his classes. Speaking of which you'd better also get ready for your health class. You still had to turn in the paper from your last project and then take notes for today. But first you'd better drop off Koto with Gyomei and grab your things.
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"Class, turn to page one hundred and thirty two. Today we'll be reviewing the lesson from last week you based your projects on before-"
The sounds of many pages turning in the large room as at least fifty students turned to the appropriate places in their textbooks. Others took out note books lined with lots of notes from previous lessons with room for future ones. Pencils and erasers at the ready for the task ahead of taking down important information. Highlighters in bright yellow ready to highlight any very important details hidden in the professor's speeches. Lights dim as the first slides showed in time with the words the professor spoke.
"Now this here is the example of a former student I showed you of. Your task was to pick a famous medical discovery or sickly disaster from history and write a report on how that discovery or disaster affects modern health experts and research today-"
The current slide showed up a picture of an old painting taken at the city's local museum. It's old pain chipping away but still held together enough to show the picture of a man in his late fifties in an old hospital uniform. The professor looked up at the slide before adjusting his glasses and looking back at the younger crowd. 
"Who here can tell me who this man was?" Murmurs and coughs were circulated around until one hand raised up in the very back row. He pointed at it after a moment of straining his eyes to see around the dimly lit room. "Yes. You, Y/n!"
"The reigning monarchy during that time was lead by King Cedric Roland Jackson Snider the Forth and his wife Queen Stacia Emily Snider." Your hand slowly lowered after your answer and the professor nodded in approval.
"Excellent! Yes! Both King and Queen during that time funded their exhibition out to the area where our town would first be established. Who can tell me what the original purpose of the exhibition was?" Again unsure looks were given around until once more your hand raised in answer. "Miss Y/n?"
"John MacVicar!"
"Right you are! Yes! He was part of a research team of doctors, engineers, and designers who helped to create the first medical ultrasound. The student who did the project on this man included references to some of those people in their paper. Now can anyone tell me one way we use medical ultrasounds today?" You waited to see if someone else would raise their hand and someone else did. A boy in the very front row. "Yes, Charlie!"
You didn't bother interrupting and only listened to the professor continue his lesson and turn to the next slide which was a picture of some old relics from the same time as the founding of the town. You busied yourself by writing down words in the notebook you always took with you during these classes. The words forever being inscribed upon the surface of the paper with ink- Something poked your arm making you pause.
"Psst. Hey, Bud. I gotta tell you something."
Your  f/c eyes deadpanned looked at the dark eyes of the man sitting next to you as he again poked your upper arm.
"What, Murata?," you whisper hissed back to him voice low to avoid drawing attention. "I'm trying to take notes here. You should be taking notes too! You have no idea if this'll be on the finals!"
Murata didn't seemed phased by your words in the slightest and only whispered back. "We need to talk. It's important!"
"I'm taking notes. Wait til after class."
"WHAT?! BUT THAT'S STILL HOURS AWAY-"
"Mr. Murata." The professor gave a look of silent disapproval as the lesson paused. A good few heads also turned to stare at the seemingly frozen man next to you suddenly in the spotlight. "Is there something so important that you have to disrupt my lesson? If so please share it with the class."
In an instant Murata's face went an embarrassed red and he shook his head no. "N-NO! I was just-...Uh. A-Asking to borrow a pencil! Yeah!"
The professor narrowed his heads. "Well then next time ask quietly or better. Next time actually come prepared and not disrupt the class. Now then. " He turned back to the board. "As I was saying, notice how they didn't list their sources on where they got the information? Don't do this. Whether it's from a book, website, or interview with a professional. ALWAYS list reliable resources for where you got your information."
Murata gave a sigh of relief as the faces of their classmates turned away from them and focused back onto the lesson the professor was giving.
"I told you. Just wait until all our classes are finished and we'll talk after. Ok?" You looked back to the notebook after giving Murata a quick reassuring pat on the hand.
His huffed annoyed before he pulled his hands back and looked away. "Fine. But don't take too long."
You wondered briefly about what he wanted that was so important to interrupt class but brushed it off to refocus on the lesson before you. Your paper had been about smallpox and how the man who invented the vaccine was able to make a cure for the epidemic of it. You just hoped the professor liked it enough. The professor continued sighting mistakes to avoid in the future when writing a report before looking back to the class. 
"Now then. Your assignments will be graded and be given back to you this Friday. Until then you'll be doing another project with a partner. It'll be the last major project before winter break so be sure to work hard on it." The professor clicked a button and the projector. On the slide it had two different pictures. One of a brain and one of a silhouette of a man running. "Your project is going to be based on mental and physical health. You and your partner will chose one of the topics and base your project on how one thing can impact either, either in a negative or positive way. Again that topic is up to you to decide but you must take notes and have proof of your results. You may now chose your partner but just know whoever you pick will be your partner for the duration of the project."
The lights turned back on above everyone and the mumbling started up again as the professor switched off the projector. Blinking at the sudden change in lightage, you shook your head before turning to Murata and stopped as you realized he was gone. F/c eyes blinked before your head swiveled around but you still didn't see him. You even stood up for a better peek but still didn't see him through the crowds. Where did he go? He was right here just a second ago..He must've moved and you didn't notice too busy paying attention to the professor. Rats. You were gonna ask him to be your partner. 
Already some people were getting up and moving around at towards their desired partners and not one of them was your friend. Rats again. Outside of Murata you didn't really know anyone else in the class.
Or at least that's what you thought at first.
You had settled yourself into just picking a random person and asking them, however when you looked up towards the very back you caught sight of a familiar face. There up in the top row of seats sitting all by himself was a man. A man with long dark black hair tied in a ponytail, and a large baggy hoodie. Blue eyes didn't look up from the notebook he was still writing in. Just continuing to work away on whatever he was doing. All alone with empty seats all around him.
So maybe that's why when a lady smiled at him from rows below and gathered up her backpack,he didn't notice. Nor did he notice when she bounded up the stairs towards him until a shadow fell over him. Those dark blue eyes blinked confused before looking up and jumping lightly at the sight of your pretty face smiling at him.
"Hi, Giyuu! You remember me right?"
Wait. DID he know her? He furrowed his brows in thought looking at her up and down wracking his brain. Oh wait. This was the lady Gyomei was seeing now wasn't it? Yes. He saw her twice but he remembered who she was now.
So he nodded at her. "Yes. How are you?"
"I'm great thanks! I remembered that we took the same health class." She spoke so excitedly it reminded him a bit of Mitsuri- "Do you wanna be my partner?"
A record scratch sound went off.
...Giyuu blinked. Staring at her wide eyed before turning around to look around him really quick just to be sure there wasn't another Giyuu she was asking before slowly looking back to her and pointing at himself. "Me?"
"Of course! You're like the only person here who I remotely know."
His eyes widened more. "You w-w-want to be my partner?" You nodded. "Do the project with me?"
"Of course! I'd love to! Do you wanna be my partner?" He slowly nodded as if not entirely sure this was happening himself. "Great! Class is almost over. We can get some food at the cafeteria and discuss what you want to do for the project if you'd like." Still bewildered he nodded and was even more surprised when you flopped down next to him with a smile and leaned towards him. "So how have you been? I haven't seen you since the onsen incident. I'm really sorry btw."
"I-I.." He swallowed thickly. "I've been fine. And it's fine."
"I'm glad you're not angry with me. Gyomei was right about you."
"Huh?" He rose a brow at you once more confused. Gyomei mentioned him? When? What did he say?
You smiled largely at him. "You're very understanding and kind."
"EH?!"  You still smiled as his face went a confused pink. However you just opened your notebook.
"I think we should do a physical health project. With your studies in wanting to be a p.e. teacher it might make it easier for us to work with the subject with your smarts."
"You..think I'm smart?"
"Obviously. Do you want to do the physical health subject?"
He didn't answer at first still staring in awe at you before his face returned to his normal stoic expression and his face slowly slipped back to its normal color. "*ahem* ...Yes. Let's do that. We can discuss what we both want to do for the project later when we get dinner." 
You nodded in enthusiasm. "Great! There's a cafe on campus if you want to go there and talk. I'll just call Gyomei after class and let him know where I am."
"That's fine."
You smiled at him and continued to try and make small talk until the bell rang signalling the end of class. Giyuu stood up first politely waiting for you to gather your things before filing out the door with him and down the halls amongst the throngs of people. You pulled out your phone to call Gyomei but stopped as you say a familiar sight. Murata was coming down the hall towards you as you waved to him but your friend stopped seeing Giyuu giving you a gaze... before he frowned, turned, and disappeared into the crowd again. ..Huh. That was weird. What was that all about? Oh well. You shrugged it off before continuing to call Gyomei.
Your boyfriend was surprised to hear you were hanging out with Giyuu but was very understanding of your project and wished you both luck on coming up with a way to tackle said project. With that out of the way you happily turned back to Giyuu who again blink as you happily grabbed him by the hand and tugged him out of the building and towards the on campus cafe. 
He stared wide eyed in awe at where she grabbed a hold of hand then slowly back to her as she smiled and slowly took the man all the way back to the cafe. As the door chimes on the door above you, another familiar face lit up as she spotted you both.
"GIYUU!! Y/N!!," Mitsuri called before giving a full armed wave at you both from behind the cash register.
"Hi, Mitsuri! Can I get two of those really delicious milkshakes and a couple fruit sandwiches please?" You turned back to Giyuu who was still mesmerized with where you had grabbed his hand and was staring at you. "Do you like milkshakes and fruit sandwiches?" He slowly nodded at you. "Ok. Then we'll have some my treat!" You then turned back to Mitsuri who was still smiling and blinking. "Hey..Are you wearing a new eyeshadow?"
"YES! Obi got it for me! Isn't he the sweetest?", she gushed out.
"Absolutely! You look beautiful in green!"
"KYYAAA!!~" She gushed a bright pink as you complimented her. "Oh my gosh! You're so sweet! I could kiss you right now-"
"Oi! Quits making a racket out there and send us the orders!," another female voice called out from the back.
"Oh right! You guys go sit down and I'll bring it to you when it's done!"
You smiled wider at the blushing woman. "Thanks, Mitsuri. C'mon, Giyuu."
Giyuu continued to stare at you before you walked towards a nearby empty table. He watched you before looking at Mitsuri who only smiled back wider at one of her partners holding her own cheeks.
"I know! Perfect isn't she?!"
He opened his mouth-.. before deciding to just close it and quickly follow you to the table. You were already sat down and opening your notebook to today's lesson. He slowly sat down across from you and you spoke.
"So I know we chose physical health but what are we doing? The professor said that we have to chose an aspect that either affects a person negatively or positively and gather evidence on it. Any ideas?" You looked at him.
His eyes gazed over to the side.. before nodding. "I came up with something while writing."
"I'd love to hear it!"
Again he looked surprised by your words. "You.. actually want to hear what I have to say?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"I usually do projects alone. I'm not really a person that most people choose to be around."
"Well that's just mean." He again blinked as you pointed at him. "I think they just don't bother to try and talk to you but that's their loss. They just won't know how much of a unique person you really are." His eyes widened as you gestured to him. "So what was the idea for the project?"
"..Huh?"
"The project idea, Giyuu."
"O-Oh." He cleared his throat. "They say that moving around continuesly for at least one hour a day can be very good for your health. I was planning on measuring my strength and muscle mass and then proceeding to record myself exercising for one hour a day. It's mid October now and the project isn't due until the last day of November so the day before I turn it in, I'd measure my muscle build again and see if there was any change in strength or stamina."
Your eyes were wide in awe. "Giyuu, that's ingenious!" You smiled brightly! "Also that's a great idea! Let's do it!"
"Really?! You really think it's good?" You nodded. "In that case,  would you be alright with doing the project with me? I think two people doing the project might make make it more credible if there's more than one person with the result."
"Good idea! I'm busy with work and classes though so we'll have to do our hour exercises at noon except on the weekends. I'll give you my number and address. Tomorrow we can start after work. Sounds good?"
Again he nodded looking off to the side and rubbing at his neck. "S-Sure. Sounds..pretty....P-Pretty good." He added quickly at the end with his still blunt tone. "I-I'll talk to Shinobu about it tonight."
"I'll be sure to let Gyomei know too. For now let's get some food in us before we become skeletons."
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zer0brainc3lls · 2 days
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Dps yap session about how Todd’s relationship with Neil and Mr Keating (mainly Neil) grew his character because I’ll never stop thinking about it (spoilers for the book)
In the movie we all know Todd has issues with public speaking but in the book, it’s not just public speaking. It’s speaking to almost anyone in general. He stutters and pauses between sentences, even being unable to finish what he’s trying to say.
“I… would…. Prefer…. Rowing….. sir,” - Todd “rowing? Did he say rowing? But here it says you played soccer at Balincrest?” - Mr Nolan “I…. Did…. But….” - Todd
The dots are not exaggerated if you haven’t read the book. That’s how it’s shown. Now he doesn’t speak to everyone like this, mainly if he’s asked about an opinion or something of that nature, despite this he speaks softly almost all the time in the start of the book.
But as time goes on and he becomes closer to the dead poets + Mr Keating he opens up, he may not speak much in meetings and in classes doing anything publicly still scared him but he opens up more nonetheless.
Towards the halfway/end of the book he watches Neil find his own voice through acting, standing up to his father and watching Neil grow confident in himself he too becomes more confident. Even putting a lamp shade over his head just for fun, in front of people, being silly. (The lamp shade part is never talked about omg.)
When Neil is performing he even mouthes the lines to himself, even though he knows Neil needed no help. And at the end of the play TODD starts the standing ovation (I think? He’s definitely one of the first.) with a smile on his face, no embarrassment, no shame. Just happy for his best friend for standing up and finally being himself.
This was never shown in the movies but after the play he reaches out for Neil, trying to tell him how well he did and when Mr Perry’s car drives off he screams Neil’s name. In front of a crowd of people.
After the car scene they go back to the cave, not just the dead poets, Chris is there to (someone Todd barely knows!!!) and you know what Todd does? He expresses his anger. In full.
“Todd suddenly jumped up and pounded the walls with his fists. ‘Next time I see Neil's father I'm gonna smash him. I don't care what happens to me!’ ” after this, HE RECITES A POEM IN FRONT OF ALL HIS FRIENDS, MR KEATING AND CHRIS. (THIS WHOLE CAVE SCENE WAS SUCH A PIVOTAL MOMENT FOR TODDS CHARACTER IM SO MAD THEY FUCKING CUT IT)
Todd gained his own voice watching Neil and the dead poets gain theirs.
Then Neil died.
After Neil died? Todd lost his voice. Almost. He almost went back to stumbling his words, he almost went back to speaking softly. But whenever someone tried to speak ill of Neil or Mr Keating? HE WAS ON THEIR CASE.
“You don’t seriously think his father…” -knox “not with the gun! Damn it even if the bastard didn’t pull the trigger he..” - Todd
“ ‘Who else do you think, dumbo? The administration? Mr. Perry? Keating put us up to all this, didn't he? If it wasn't for him, Neil would be cozied up in his room right now, studying his chemistry and dreaming of being called doctor.’ - Cameron ‘That's not true! Mr. Keating tell Neil what to do. Neil loved acting.’ - Todd
And in the books he took a large punishment instead of signing the note to get Mr Keating fired and of course we cannot forget the desk scene at the end of the movie. Todd may never be the same as when Neil was alive and Mr Keating was still his teacher but he grew a confidence from them, even them no longer being apart of his life could take away the impact they had on him.
Idk if this yap session is a “yeah no shit” kind of thing but thanks for coming to my ted talk yall
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thefaiao · 4 hours
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seeing your clowns made me go feral since my fixation is cringe and clown flavored
Who let you cook like that who let you cook AUTHHFFH UR ART IS SO COOL IM BEING DRAGGED AWAY
You’re hatching is so fucking inspiring since it’s soMETHING I try to do in my own work I LOVE UR ART
would it be fine to ask what brushes you use? I love ur values also, you’re so so good at shapes and form WAAAA I LOVE UR STUFF. I did dig up an old ask you made iirc, but I’m not sure if it’s changed
Hey! Thank you very much. I'll go through the brushes I use for each program: Drawpile
From what I understand most of these are MyPaint brushes... but I only know them as drawpile brushes because that's what I use. Main ones I've used lately is Irregular Ink and a default brush for coloring
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I don't really change the size of irregular ink much and the pressure doesn't matter that much. It has high stabilization which I haven't changed, but I'm sure you could get away with lowering it. For the other brush I'm pretty sure it's a default one that I slightly tweaked (drawpile is a bit bad about communicating what brush exactly you are using to you.) I quite like it because it feels like playing with clay, makes it easy to map out the volume. I use it for those lineless pieces I do from time to time too. I change its size a lot while drawing. I've also used these two, one of the pencil brushes and a second one I stole from Jokioro that I have no idea what is called
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I used the first one for the D'arce I did a while ago and the recent VTMB piece. It's great at emulating sketchy graphite pencils, I like layering it to do multi-colored hatching rendering. The second one I don't know how to use super well yet but it's probably my fourth most used as of late. It works very weirdly so if you wanna figure out how to make it work I recommend looking at how Jokioro draws. Clip Studio I bounce around a lot with all the brushes, but I use a loooot of stuff from the Frenden pack. Mainly Meeko Leako for lining and even coloring, it has a great texture to it, very fun
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This has been my most used brush for years. It's great for super straight lines and produces a great difference in value between quick lines and thick lines. I haven't used it as much since I picked up drawpile more recently, but it's amazing! Other than that I use the default G-pen when I just want simple lines without much texture
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It's a bit ugly at a glance but I think if you lock in it's great for super clean lines, just trying to get the point across without much noise. I also like coloring with it at times, when I'm going lineless. SAI Binary pen. Use the binary pen. It's the best brush ever made
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It just feels super right to draw with it, it's so simple but it makes your lines look super slick, and it's just a binary pen. I guess they just got the behavior down perfect for it. But yeah, love this brush. IRL I've always used these archival ink pens in different sizes for basically everything I've done traditionally, and of course just a simple number 2 pencil for sketching and such. I've used a bit of charcoal recently, and been wanting to deep into darker pencils for detail, but this is still the default. I also will probably try out dip pens sometime
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That's all I can think of immediately, but I always like to mess around to try and find another great brush, and you should do the same even if you end up using these a lot.
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wazzappp · 1 day
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@rokhal okay so you see heres the problem. You asked too many good questions so I opened a google doc to answer them and then things just got going and then I ended up with an entire summary of the story I have so far.
ALSO thank you @moosemonstrous for helping me puzzle through my fugnking ramblings
Also it is IMPORTANT that you know I had this song on repeat the entire time I was plotting my nefarious schemes
OKAY SO. I’m thinking Robbie is some sort of specialized stealth unit. He was originally designed for high level infiltration but was repurposed by the human resistance in the future. He has skin with a metal endoskeleton just like the usual terminators but he ALSO has those nanobots that allow him to heal at the same pace as a normal human. They also would help with repairing any damage to internal systems like wiring. They could also be what repurposes food to grow his metal endoskeleton. I’m debating on whether he can manually speed that up for an accelerated healing process because that would require a level of control over his machinery that I’m not sure it would make sense for him to have right after figuring out he’s a machine. Maybe with some practice he could do it. OHHHHH OR IF HES IN SOME SORT OF ‘EMERGENCY DEFENSE’ MODE IT ACCELERATES AUTOMATICALLY THAT COULD BE FUN!!! 
Also I really like the idea of him being able to heal with those nanobots but like. SPECIFICALLY for Gabe. They’re programmed to create synthetic flesh and skin but only for certain genomes. His and Gabes are similar enough that they can help repair tissue if he’s injured. Like being a blood donor for matching blood types.
STORY WISE HERE’S WHAT IM THINKING: Eli still exists in this universe and he’s still a massive shithead. Still pushes Mama Reyes down a flight of stairs while pregnant with Gabe (their soon to be first child), still a serial killer and still involved with the mob. But shortly after Gabe is born, Eli is caught and sentenced to prison for life. The mob figures he told his brother’s family so that makes them a liability. They kill Alberto and Julianna, but leave Gabe alone in his crib. This happens when he’s about 6 months old.
While this is happening, Robbie is time traveled into the back yard of their house. He goes inside and puts on whatever clothes he can find. When police show up to check after getting a noise complaint from the neighbors, they find what looks to be a 5 year old boy soothing a crying baby and a massive burned hole in the backyard they think is just some sort of already detonated explosive. Everyone just assumes this kid is his brother and they try to get him out of the house without letting him see his dead ‘parents’. He doesn't talk much but does answer that his name is Robbie when asked. 
Things get REALLY weird when they go to the police station and find… absolutely nothing about him. No birth certificate, no social security number, no history of schooling, not even their notoriously nosy neighbors know anything about him. The Reyes’s had not marked down a dependent on their tax forms until Gabe.  Even when they look at the possibility of him being an undocumented immigrant; NOTHING. Half the guys think he’s an illegal alien that slipped through the cracks of.. EVERY country and the other half think he’s an ACTUAL alien For all intents and purposes the kid in front of them does not exist. Eli isn’t much help when asked, he just assumes ‘that bitch of his turned him against me didn’t even tell me that I had a nephew already here god DAMN her’. 
They quickly start questioning whether they're actually brothers, but genetic tests determine that they are. That, and the absolute INSISTENCE of the boy that ‘This is my brother. I HAVE to keep him safe’.
So they do what just about anyone might do. Decide this weird magically appearing child is someone else’s problem, and put them into foster care. From there the story stays about the same for a while. They know Eli exists but they honestly couldn't give less of a shit about him. That guy is never getting out on parole lmao. Robbie catches up with social development and for the most part fits in pretty good (he never gets sick. Like ever. Never gets so injured he has to go to the doctor for emergencies. Just regular checkups, which he passes through with a few raised eyebrows but still good). He’s still a GENIUS with cars and works at Canelos. He understands them in a way that usually takes years of experience way beyond what Robbie has. Things are going.. Not GREAT but they’re okay. And then AMADEUS FUCKIGN SHOWS UP.
Skynet of the future has sent back a Terminator to kill Gabe. No one is really sure WHY but they figure if skynet is going to such lengths to kill this kid then he must be worth protecting. So the human resistance sends back Amadeus to find Gabe and keep him safe from this Terminator. 
He steals some clothes, a gun and a car(not like hes really planning on settling down here anyway who cares about a few broken laws)  shows up at the Reyes residence, meets Gabe.. and basically all his plans blow up. This is absolutely NOT the type of person he was expecting and he sure as shit doesn't want to go anywhere with this random stranger. So naturally he kidnaps Gabe and starts getting the fuck out of the city (while also starting work on an electromagnetic field reader that he thinks can help detect terminators).
Robbie shows up back home after grocery shopping and uhhhhh Gabes NOT THERE theres BROKEN SHIT IN HIS HOUSE and the neighbors keep talking about a STOLEN CAR and some maniac who stole from a GUN SHOP. So he does the only reasonable thing he can think of, checks Life 360 hoping that Gabe still has his phone on him (he does) gets into his car and starts hunting them down. Between his crazy driving skills and freakish persistence, Amadeus can only conclude that Robbie is the terminator sent to kill Gabe.
When Robbie finally heads them off at an abandoned warehouse Amadeus tries to pull Gabe along with him and run away. But when Robbie steps out of his car, Gabe recognizes him and starts trying to get there. Amadeus is panicked, pointing his gun at Robbie to try and keep him away and, at this point, VERY confused. Because he’s pulled out his EMF reader and is getting some absolutely WACK readings off Robbie but hes also very much so being deterred by the gun (terminators couldnt gibe two shits about guns thlse metal fuckheads eat bullets for breakfast). The readings shortly get even more wack when the ACTUAL Terminator sent to kill Gabe shows up. Amadeus fires a couple of shots into the Terminator to confirm what he already knew (subsequently freaking both Robbie and Gabe out sufficiently enough to confirm that at least Amadeus isn’t entirely crazy). They pile into the Reyes-mobile and peel off shortly before the terminator gets into Amadeus’ abandoned stolen car and starts going after them.
Robbie is doing his best to ask what the FUCK is actually going on while getting away but Amadeus is still double checking his EMF readings because Robbie is DEFINETLY not human but also clearly isn’t here to kill Gabe. Quickly puts two and two together that for SOME reason SOMEhow Robbie is here to PROTECT Gabe from this other Terminator. Amadeus is. A little distracted because of this and keeps asking Robbie about his ‘Programming’ (sort of a “WOW your programming must be good you REALLY think he’s your brother and thats WHY you have to protect him!” “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHO WAS THAT GUY HOW DID HE KEEP WALKING AFTER YOU SHOT HIM” “It was a terminator keep up. Hey did you even TRY to call the police or did you just start coming after me because you knew it would be faster? Cause damnnnnn again. PROGRAMMING!”)
After finally losing the terminator that’s been on their tail, they find the police are not too happy about their reckless driving, arrest them and take them to the station to keep in a holding cell. While Robbie is in said holding cell with Amadeus (Gabe is presently being asked questions) there’s a police officer who recognizes him as that weird little kid who just appeared out of nowhere.
“Yeah we had absolutely NOTHING on you. It was like you hadn't existed until the day we found you!” So Robbie has to sit and listen to this while Amadeus is just confirming in his head what he already figured out. Being stuck in that cell trying to stay in denial with the guy whose favorite thing to say in the world is ‘I Told You So’ is not great. (un)Fortunately this is when the actual terminator shows up again.
This time, being faced with both the Terminator AND police trying to stop him from leaving, Robbies defense systems activate. He goes absolutely HAM on everyone in his way. He’s extremely default Terminator-like (Emotionless, distant, empty, quiet) in this state because all of his infiltration protocols have been halted. He even manages to fight off the other terminator decently well, but not before getting blasted in the arm with a shotgun shell. It goes deep enough that his metal endoskeleton is revealed. I also had this idea of like. His arm getting caught in something and he just stares at whoever trapped it there. Looks them dead in the eyes as he degloves his entire hand then beats the shit out of whoever got in his way with his metal fist. He stays in this state until they steal ANOTHER car, and he finally snaps out of it. And sees his hands covered in blood. And glimmers of his metal skeleton. And his brother looking at him in fear.
AND THATS WHAT IVE GOT RN I CAN'T WRITE LIKE YALL CAN I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR IT I HAVE TO GET ALL OF THIS OUT LIKE RIGHT NOW SO YEAH UHHHHHHH ENJOY
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hikakuriyyu · 2 days
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Tension. (part 5)
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⁎ warnings: romantic slasher ? neglect, mentions of murder, manipulation, female!reader.
⁎ summary: you fell for him. hard. the murders started, and you knew it was him. billy lured you into his dark and twisted intentions. it was so wrong. but it doesn't feel wrong... there was something stopping you. or someone.
⁎ author note: hii. im so grateful for all the notes and followers i got for this series :) sorry for taking so long i caught the flu :( this ones a little short :p
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Living with Billy felt like a dream at first. The two of you, no more hiding, no more masks—just you and him. It was everything you’d always wanted. Billy as your boyfriend was something you never thought would happen, not like this. The thrill of being with him, knowing you were the one he chose, made it all worth it.
But lately… something was off.
At first, it was little things. He’d stay out late without saying where he was going, or he’d brush you off when you asked about it. Then he started getting quieter, not the same smirking, charming Billy you knew. You couldn’t shake the feeling that he was pulling away. Like he was already tired of the life you’d built together.
You tried to ignore it, but every time you looked at him, there was this distance that wasn’t there before. And the worst part? You didn’t know why.
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01:34 AM: Billy's house:
You are sitting on Billy’s couch, the dim light of the living room casting shadows on the walls. You have been waiting for him all night, your thoughts racing with doubt and anxiety. The clock on the wall ticks loudly in the silence. It’s well past midnight when the door finally creaks open, and Billy walks in, looking casual but distant. You stood up as soon as he entered, your heart pounding. "Where were you ? I’ve been waiting for hours… again." You said, with a hint of neglect and sadness in your eyes. You HAD to ask him what was going on, you were already suspicious of him.
"Had some things to take care of. Why ? Got a problem with that ?" Billy answered, barely looking up as he tosses his jacket onto a chair, his tone indifferent. You feel your chest tighten. This isn’t the same Billy who used to hang on your every word. There’s a coldness now, like you've become an afterthought. ''You've been doing this every night. Ignoring me. Avoiding me. What's going on ?'' You ask with a shaky voice, trying to keep it together. You were genuinely hurt. What if this was a mistake ?
Billy looked at you and sighed, stepping closer to you. ''C'mere babe.'' he said, opening his arms. You wanted to refuse, but you couldn't. You stepped in his arms and engulfed him in a hug. ''I miss the way things used to be. I miss us.'' you said, tearing up. You were overthinking the entire thing. What if you never agreed to start the killings with him ? What if you never ran away with him ? What if you never fell in love ?
''Don't cry. I'm still here...'' he said before suddenly pulling you tighter towards him, a little too tight. ''I'm the reason you have somewhere to stay. Don't forget that.'' he whispered coldly before letting go of you, walking upstairs. You look at him with shock and hurt, tears flowing down your cheeks. You decide to brush it off by assuming he was in a bad mood, even though this wasn't the first time.
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Later on, you were in Billy's kitchen. His earlier coldness was still lingering in your mind. You couldn't sleep after he said what he said. You were starting to second guess the choice of being with him. Billy, having noticed your lingering frustration, decides it's time to charm his way back into your good graces. He approaches you with a gentle, almost too-sweet smile, his tone soft and sorry.
''Hey,'' he said as he wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, giving you a soft peck on your cheek. ''I'm sorry about earlier, I'm going through alot right now.'' he murmured. You sigh, not quite believing him anymore. He noticed your hesitation and sighed. ''C'mon, i said i was sorry. You could atleast forgive me.'' He looks into your eyes, his gaze tender, filled with a fake sincerity that almost makes you forget the earlier neglect.
"You’re the most important person in my life, we’re so close to having the life we’ve always dreamed of. But there’s one last thing we need to do, and I need your help..." he said. Your heart skips a beat at the mention of a new task. You're wary but hopeful that this will be the moment they can finally leave Woodsboro behind and start over.
Billy looks at you before gently squeezing your hand. "Look, I need you to trust me. This is the final step." he said before moving closer, brushing a stray lock of hair behind your ear with a feather-light touch. His voice is a soft murmur, almost hypnotic. ''I need you to kill Gale.''
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You freeze. Kill... Gale...? You slowly turn to him with a shocked look on your face, shaking your head. ''Billy... you promised. You promised me we wouldn't hurt any more people ! We already did enough !'' you exclaimed. You did not want to go back to your old ways, his old ways. You were good with what was going on now. Billy's eyes darkened before stepping closer. ''I'm just saying; you kill Gale, take her money, we leave Woodsboro. You won't get caught.'' he murmured. ''Do it for me. For us. I love you.''
You couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth inside you. He barely ever told you that he loved you. But he did. Your eyes softened before thinking about it. If you killed Gale and took her money, you and Billy would have enough money to buy another house. But killing Gale would just be so cruel. Billy waited for your answer, staring into your eyes. ''Can't you figure out another way to earn money ?'' you asked him quietly. ''No. I can't apply for a job that would be inconvenient... please.'' Billy pleaded softly, also with a hint of impatience in his voice. You sighed and looked at the ground, considering this decision. What's next ?
To Be Continued...
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mika-meowz · 2 days
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Lodgersona Masterpost
That's right, you all (one person so far) indulged me, now you gotta deal with me
So, right off the bat, this thing doesn't have a name. Nor can I seem to find their reference? But I have drawings. So stay tuned to see those
I haven't actually figured out how to squirm them into the story by any means so haha. WHOOPS
But I can tell you the ideas so far
I wanted their role to sort of be something in between Jasper and Rachel? Basically being a "ends up being seen as a protoge for both Jekyll and Hyde for different reasons"
While initially a little too innocent-seeming for Hyde's trouble-making, they eventually find a much-needed freedom if they somehow convince him to bring them along
On the other hand, they like Jekyll, but they find his way of speaking to be *too* rehearsed, and eventually can't tell if he's just Like That or if he's keeping them at arms length
I like to think they'd get closer to him by convincing him to be a bit more laid back (when possible) through a very gutting sequence where he sees them starting to mirror him and thinks he's made a good influence on them,
But through conversations with Hyde, they mention that while they do look up to him, they're actually just copying Jekyll's more posh demeanor because they feel *ashamed* of being more rough around the edges when he's there
So Jekyll starts to ease up so that they see him as less of a cold-hearted-ever-shaming asshole (exaggeration, of course. Maybe Hyde's words)
Now. If that wasn't self-indulgent enough for ya, STRAP IN, because this is where even I get a little embarrassed sharing it because of how much it is
At some point or another, I like the idea of Hyde going into a sort of spiral?
Because instead of trying to stop his chaos for safety's sake, like Rachel, or trying to stop him for goodness' (and also safety's) sake, like Jekyll,
They don't try to stop him *at all.* Yet, still don't entirely agree with the amount of trouble he causes.
And something something, this contradiction perplexes him so strongly he starts to go into a sort of "if IM darkness eternal then what is that thing. Why is it so nice. How can it be so nice while not being evil with me. Is it an angel or some shit" and goes a little mad while Jekyll desperately pleads for him to take a breath
Alright art
I present to you One Drawing That's Actually The Book-Jekyll-And-Hyde Version of this OC, two instances of Hey I Discovered Scottish Dancing, and one of Oops Jekyll's A Dad (doubles as a style study of the comic via photobashing for the lineart/sketch, and a lot of shading layers)
Almost all of these were from when I was VERY early into the comic so if it looks silly.. pretend you don't see it
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Also Hyde on his little streak of madness
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gumbootillustrations · 16 hours
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i can fix him your honour *smacks him with the oc-ification hammer*
anyway. enjoy the babygirl-ification of aaron lycan. more stuff below the cut.
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i love the idea of aaron. like, some guy whos hellbent on revenge learning to live and love outside of it?? and he finds not only love but a new home in someone else searching for the same thing after they've both lost so much??? UGH ITS SO GOOD. and then jesson fucking. fumbled it. SO BAD. im still mad abt it almost like. ten yrs later (how tf is diaries this old i swear it was still airing like last yr). so uh. ive tried to go in n fix him. i swear. but in the process a Lot of his backstory n stuff has been overhauled and im sorry to all the canon aaron truthers but the way that jesson handled his arc n stuff was God Awful and i hate it. so uh. yeah.
aaron shows up in ashes, ashes way earlier than he does in canon diaries - hes following the high priest's trail, and when he catches wind of him travelling to phoenix drop to officiate a wedding and track down his supposedly dead brother, he follows the rumours and shows up right after alexis is cursed. he forms a sort of truce with aph (although garroth is hesitant to trust him, given that he wants to murder his younger brother n garroth still believes that zane can be saved) and fucks off again until they meet up again when aph n co are snooping around pikoro trying to find lord luke so that she can sign a trade deal with him - aaron's (rightfully) convinced that zane has something to do with luke's disappearance, and once all that tomfoolery is settled, he decides to return to phoenix drop with aphmau, believing that the impending war will offer the best opportunity for him to finally kill zane.
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as we all know, though, this... really doesn't go to plan. they get trapped in irene's cathedral - which is more of a labyrinth with religious imagery plastered everywhere - and it isn't aaron who lands the killing blow on his mortal enemy, but rather garroth, who gets possessed by esmund's relic. then, when they manage to escape thanks to zoey, ten years have passed and the cathedra of irene (the religious organisation that zane was in charge of as high priest) has all but collapsed. up until this point, all aaron has really been living for is destroying the cathedra, and with his job already done for him by the passage of time, he's now sort of... lost, is the best way i can really describe it. he decides to stick around in phoenix drop - although he doesn't really want to admit it, the people are nice, he's become friends with garroth and katelyn, and it's a safe place for him to stay while he figures out his next moves. it also doesn't help that aph keeps roping him into her adventures (although he secretly enjoys having something to do).
it's through these new connections that he learns to start opening up about his past; how he was raised as the heir to the lordship of a hunting town up north named falconclaw, how the cathedra ordered its destruction and the murder of all its people due to them allegedly being descended from shad, the destroyer, how he came back from a hunting trip to find all his family and friends dead, how the grief manifested in a long-dormant magick that causes anything he lays eyes on to disintegrate, only to be controlled by an enchanted blindfold given to him by a passing elf who took pity on him. over time, he learns to control his magick, leading to him starting to leave his blindfold off - a sort of symbol of his willingness to trust in others, and to trust himself around others. most of this is me wanting his fuckass bandanna to have some sort of meaning behind it outside of "uwu edgy man with edgy outfit" but uh yeah. idk.
anyway, after a while he decides to stick around permanently right before the gang heads to gal'ruk to track down carin valkrum, an ex-juror who went missing decades prior, who katelyn is convinced knows of the whereabouts of the keeper's relic.
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which means an outfit change. i tried to make his second winter outfit noticeably lighter than his first one, but still incorporating his trademark reds and browns. there isn't too much else to say abt this outfit? i dont think?? like there isnt a ton of lore stuff tied up in it except "oh hes going to a cold place lol". uhh i guess i could mention that he has a fucked up knee from a hunting accident when he was younger, hence the wrapped up knee?? idk. also he has a lil brooch w a falcon claw on it as a sort of homage to falconclaw. and his fucked up eyes r a reference to his eyes being fucked up in mys. yeah. idk.
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uhh casual outfit. i like to think that he asked laurance for help w finding something to wear that wasnt super casual for more formal events (like the monthly potluck dinners that phoenix drop holds for everyone to celebrate the new moon) bc garroth is fucking useless when it comes to clothes n katelyn isnt that much better so laurance, having grown up in meteli surrounded by pirates, threw a billowy white button down at him n told him to go ham. i think laurance also lowkey influences aaron to get the falcon tattoo at some point - i dont think he loses the brooch, but since its so obviously a reference to his birthplace in ru'aun and could potentially get him and the rest of the gang hurt or even killed once they decide to travel to tu'la, he decides to get the kārearea tattooed over his heart as an homage to his family. anyway, it's in tu'la where he learns that he isn't the only survivor of falconclaw as he had previously thought: the werewolf pack that he'd grown up alongside (blaze, dottie, maria, rylan, and daniel) are still alive and well, as is melissa, although she's been cursed w what will later become known as the "ultima" curse due to her striking a deal with the demon warlock in an attempt to restore falconclaw. anyway, it's pretty emotional, esp since both sides have long thought the other to be suuuper dead. the scars on aaron's forearm are from when he n blaze got into a tussle as kids.
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and finally, his destroyer form! after katelyn finally kills ivy n recovers shad's relic, there's a lot of debate as to what to do with it; some folks think its best to find it a host, others want to try and destroy it, and others want to simply lock it away in a pocket dimensino or something to keep it safe. eventually, aaron decides that, in order to protect the family he's created and the family he's rediscovered, it's probably best for him to take on the mantle of the destroyer of the second war of the magi, especially once it's revealed that the aaron of the first war (shad) cleaved his soul in two once he began to get corrupted by the influence of the void - the half that was corrupted would become the shadow lord, whereas the uncorrupted half would go onto reincarnate like the other souls of the divine warriors (excluding irene). i'm still fiddling around w how the second war of the magi ends, but my thinking as of right now is that the first war ended with irene burning away her first physical form to seal the shadow lord in the nether, the second war (mcd) ending w the restoration n reunification of shads soul n the divine warriors sealing away most magicks as a temporary stopgap against the spread of the void, and the third war (mys) being the war in which the void is finally defeated.
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and finally some headshots. i personally headcanon aaron as being autistic as fuck n being the kind of autistic where he isn't super expressive (sorta like garroth), although a little less stern. speaking of, i really wanted him n garroth to be sort of foils for each other: namely, where aaron was raised to only ever see lordship as a privilege, garroth was raised in an environment that led him to believe that lordship was only ever a burden. anyway, they're best mates n i will die on this hill. yeah i know that in the first war esmund n shad didnt like each other that much (as an understatement) but something something healing the wrongs of the past with each reincarnation cycle something something they're best friends now and you can't stop me. also he and aph do end up together but it takes sooo fucking long, like those two are the most awkward motherfuckers this side of ru'aun and it takes longer for them to confess than it does for garroth and laurance to confess and thats Saying Something. like. c'mon. it was stupidly out of character for this wet noodle of a man to hook up w aph in the middle of s2. tell me that u don't know how to write ur characters without telling me that u don't know how to write ur characters n all that jazz.
anyway. gumboot rambles once again. its 2am at the time of posting this n i need to go sleep so uh. yeah. dante or travis is up next mostly bc aph has like thirteen outfit changes before s3 n im dreading drawing them all so yeah.
feel free to ask any questions or anything!! :D
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haunted-xander · 2 months
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Who's the "real" me?
+ some references for the Rise-related things I included <3
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#im reaaaally happy with this one hehe i had fun putting the stuff from different things shes had/worn#i feel like ppl overlook the massive identity crisis & the accompanying depression & internal conflict rise is going through during the gam#like shes trying to figure out who she is seperate from her idol image (which she constantly still clings to despite her insistance that sh#s done with it bc she does still crave that recognition and attention she got from that position. she literally breaks down crying when her#manager tells her kanami has taken her acting role and is more-or-less set to take her spot now)#and then she also struggles with finding what she wants to do with herself now that she doesnt have showbiz to worry about#i think she kinda unintentionally uses the investigation as an anchor for her to hold onto#something to keep her busy in the absence of the hustling idol life#and then she also like. again she keeps clinging to the idol image and the associated bubbly-ness and bold flirtation#because thats the ''her'' ppl liked#i dont think the way she acts during the game is ENTIRELY an act theres definitely a lot of her true self in it too#but she does have a lot of moments where she leans more heavily into the bubbly & flirty cutie act#her sl shows that for all that she wanted to retire from showbiz she isnt really ready just yet#bc she did actually enjoy being an idol. she did enjoy being able to reach out to people in this way & to finally have ppl like & accept he#the problem is she doesnt know who ''she'' is at this point#im rambling but u get my point. yeah. yeah#rise..............#rise kujikawa#persona#persona 4#p4#art#my art#xanders art#digital art#fan art
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tacagen · 3 months
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one of the things that fascinate me about thawne: yes, he CAN be normal with kids! surprisingly normal!
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((not at all times, though. his mental illness still spills through and as usual he, in trying to manipulate or hurt others, spits out at them the exact stuff that would hurt him (or have in his childhood/barry's rejection interpretation) the most in the first place lmao))
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but at the same time. his like second instinct when doing his bullshit is FUCK THEM (as) KIDS
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(and, well. whatever this classifies as)
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#whats wrong with him. seriously. he loves picking fights with literal children So Much#AND NONE OF THEM WITH WALLY ON THE MATTER OF BEING THE BIGGEST FLASH FAN. HOW DID THAT NEVER HAPPEN#about the middle page. honestly i DIDNT remember he is a Jerk in that way too until i checked his interactions with bart for this post#this man officially should not be allowed near children as a mentor.#just straight up drops ALL his insecurities on a poor kid in trying to make him feel ashamed. NO breaking the abuse cycle for this bad boy#the only thing he doesnt say is the direct 'you are a disappointment' altho the message is still the same 💀💀💀💀💀💀#AND I BET HES HELLA PROUD OF THAT. I MEAN CONSIDERING THIS FACT IG HE DOES TRY TO BE BETTER THAN HIS PARENTS. SOMEWHAT.#and omg he formulates his point like in problem based learning (leading the child to making the correct conclusion themselves)#im dying. professor to the fucking core.#and the way he feels the need to bring up flash facts in his appeal?? EO YOURE SO HOPELESS. THIS IS 100% HOW BART SAW HIM THROUGH#and god knows what he told thad promising to get him out of the speed force if he fought barry there and whether he was going to fulfill it#and do you even IMAGINE how FUCKED barry's mental condition would be growing up if thawne fulfilled his button threat#and i really REALLY wonder about the tornado twins and their relationship with 'uncle eobard' but that will be a separate post#he doesnt know any other way tho. and he might be actually mad at bart for not supporting his every action as The Flash#like. he tries to play family but the second they question he just goes WHATEVER. I DONT NEED IT. FLASH OF MY VISION RUNS ALONE#his problem is that he just wants attention. he doesnt see family/heroing for what 'its really about' or downsides that may come with them#everything is so idealized in his head. and the moment he faces reality with its complications the concept immediately gets antagonized.#and then he reconsiders and changes the conditions but fails each time never realizing the problem is his mindset and not everything else#black white at its finest yall#and man. RELATABLE.#also WHY is he standing LIKE A STATUE when appearing in front of bart????😭😭😭😭#poor museum rat has no idea what heroes in real life stand like#eobard thawne#professor zoom#reverse flash#the reverse flash#bart allen#the flash#dc
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haemosexuality · 8 months
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i just heard someone on youtube (T B Skyen) say that silco loved jinx but didnt quite know how to love powder, while vi loves powder but doesnt know how to love jinx. and oooof oof ouch yeah
also it got me thinking and obviously jinx and powder arent two different people shes just going by a different name now but its also not baseless to analyze them as different "characters", or what traits of jinx are part of powder, etc. like the animators literally have a trick where they change her facial structure how they animate jinx to show when shes behaving more like powder. shes completely changed who she is, its jinx now powder fell down a well, sat on the jinx chair embraces who she is etc etc
#powder is like jinxs inner child#while jinx is- or was before the chair scene- the persona she puts on where she loves Violence and Chaos and shes Crazy HaHaHaHaHa#so when someone says like. ''jinx is being more powder in this scene'' it means shes regressing into being more childlike because of her#trauma or maybe shes so distressed and emotional that her persona fell apart for a second and the sad child underneath showed through#''silco loves jinx but doesnt know how to love powder'' means he loves and supports her being confident and smart in her inventions and#trying to accept and move on from her past. but hes teeeeerrible at that bc he doesnt want to let powder heal#he just wants her to bury that part of herself#and vi loves and cares for her baby sister so so much but shes terrified and doesnt want to accept the reality of what shes become#i do think vi had a point before tho. powder Was in there and while that doesnt negate jinx she could still reach her#and maybe help her out#idk how true that is after shimmer and silco dying tho. again. chair scene. the persona has fully become who jinx is theres no going back#powder fell down a well#arcane#jinx arcane#powder arcane#ignore me im just brainstorming ive been thinking about this show CONSTANTLY for the past few weeks i have so many thoughts on everyone#im sure this is a conclusion people reached years ago immediately after the show came out but im slow#theres a point between the child powder and the crazy terrorist jinx where the real true her lies#and that point has been getting closer and closer to the jinx side
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erodingsinner · 3 months
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Arrow if Slade and Oliver had a fucked up toxic romantic thing going
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alluralater · 4 months
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hey everyone, i won’t be as active for a while. got home last night super late after being on the road for 20 some odd hours. dealing with some family things and as an older sister, my priority of taking care of my siblings comes first before anything else. being on here is amazing for me but i don’t think i’ll have much time for it. reminder to please treat those in your life who are battling addiction with patience and care. i lost my older brother (sweetest person i’ve ever known and he remained that way up until his last night) to suicide and alcoholism, trauma and ptsd, depression and his feelings of hopelessness. talk with the people you care about. another of my siblings is dealing with the same and i refuse to let it escalate to such a terrifying end twice in less than a fucking year. remind the people you care about that there are beautiful things to live for. show them kindness and love. there is all kinds of misinformation out there but know this, you can make a difference for someone. don’t let them suffer in silence.
#if you have me on snap then you saw the super gorgeous views and such on my way to idaho but what you did not see was me picking#up my little sister. propping her body up with pillows in a hotel room to make sure she didn’t aspirate on her own vomit in her sleep.#pouring out her water bottle of white claw and talking to her about drug use.#i never make her feel as though she has disappointed me or that she should feel ashamed. shame helps nothing. love helps everything.#i’m going to get her back into treatment soon- i just need her to know she has a home when she’s out. detoxing here first and being#positively reinforced for every single step of the process is so fucking important. it was terrifying to learn that if i had not gone to ge#her when i did that she probably would have died there in the next few weeks.#my fear of death for her is not what guides me though and there’s a huge difference between that and doing something out of love. being#there in dire moments is important yes- but being there through the mundanity of recovery is JUST as vital. it’s a process and it’s hard.#she’s moving in with me for awhile so i can help her through this sensitive time in her recovery.#she’s trying so hard and being recognized for that has literally been making her sob. knowing she has people who truly care for her is#everything. now that my stepdad is away from her like across the country i can actually finally help her. she’s starting to understand and#without me saying anything- she is starting to see what he’s done to her and our family. she needs love and support and stability. she need#reasons to live. sorry im kinda rambling a lot in these tags but i just… i can’t lose another one. the love i carry for my siblings is#unlike any other. i’ve treated them like my children since i was a child and those are my own issues but our mother is gone now too so it i#up to me.#losing my brother last september and my mom the year before that- grief has just been back to back.#in the hotel room i couldn’t sleep. she fell asleep so quickly and all i could do was watch her and think about all of the things i want to#do to make her feel like her life has value and worth enough to stay here and not go. my little sister is forever four years old in my mind#yes she’s an adult of 23 but she is a baby to me. she’s so young and she has so much ahead of her. she deserves a happy and fulfilled life.#our lives have been… very hard. 4 out of 5 of us are still standing and i plan on keeping it that way.#this is not the pain olympics or whatever but listen- if i put an adult in any of the situations we were in as children they would not#survive. we only did because there was no other choice. now there are escapes and we are old enough to try them all- every single one of us#has searched for some escape. it spirals and escalates and it doesn’t help but it is an escape. giving her love and affection and getting#her the help she needs and doing it the RIGHT way- it lessens the need for escape. there is nothing wrong with being an addict.#addiction ends one of two ways. life or death. unfortunately there is no in between. she’s going to feel everything- bad and good. i want#her to know there is so much good. that she is good. every move i make right now matters so i don’t think i’ll have time for tumblr or#much socializing.#just a heads up yk. thank you for your patience in advance <3
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