#and then we get new guidelines for talking with The Public

[statisticalcats2]

Kind of funny side effect of Brookfield Zoo's Next Century Plan including keeping elephants again: got an email from my zoo (that I volunteer at) and they were like "ok so here's your playbook for what to say if guests start asking why we don't have elephants or if we plan on getting elephants"

[honeyhotteoks]

across stardust - two (j.yh); section one

summary: you and yunho have worked together for years, idol and makeup artist, but until today you’ve never touched him skin to skin. when the world tilts on its head from just a brush of his cheek, you realize he’s so much more than a crush, he’s your soulmate. one | two (*section one); (section two) | three | four | five 🔗read on ao3✨ across stardust pinterest board

note: i hope everyone enjoys this chapter. it's wildly fluffy and wildly romantic, and then deliciously smutty so i hope everyone enjoys.

tags/warnings: idol!yunho, makeup artist!reader, fem!reader, soulmates au, soulmate identifying marks, soulmate tattoos, tattoed!reader, suggestive language, allusions to a past ex who pressured her into things she wasn't ready for, anxiety etc., and finally the smut; heavy makeouts, grinding, oral f!receiving, convos about oral m!receiving, lots of fingering, lots of cock touching, earth shattering soulmate sex, rough sex, soft!dom/pleasure!dom yunho and wide eyed sub!reader, heavy on the dirty talk, HEAVY on the praise. we got a lot of good girls in this one, and good god tagging for gratuitous use of pet names from yunho. lots of missionary and missionary adjacent positions, spooning sex to idk he's on his back and she's on top but laying on him it's hard to describe but by god is it hot please enjoy

pairings: yunho x reader

genre: fantasy, romance, smut || soulmates au

word count: 28.1k

**this part was too long for tumblr's new word count guidelines! please check out the second half of this part, here!

The tour ends in Paris of all places. After weeks of concealing your growing relationship with Yunho from everyone, it feels like the universe is rubbing salt in the wound bringing you to the so-called city of love. 

For weeks as you hopped city to city, a whirlwind of language and culture and food, you found yourself living for the quiet, stolen moments with him. Quick visits to each other’s hotel rooms and even faster kisses, but never a full night. He hugged you briefly in Amsterdam, left a single rose on your station in Rome, bought you a cashmere scarf in London when the weather took a turn. You catalog these moments in your memory, and scribble down musings in your travel journal, and try not to judge yourself for saving every little scrap of your secret relationship down to the gift receipt in the bottom of the bag and one of the rose petals (pressed dry between the pages of your latest read). 

Paris feels different though. Everywhere you look there are couples snuggled close in the winter chill, and though you aren’t necessarily one for public displays of affection, seeing it like this makes your heart ache. You’d at least like the option. But despite his little gifts, you and Yunho have been doing your best to be subtle, mitigating even the smallest glances, and getting to know him over text. It wasn’t enough, but you could cope, until now. Until this city. You weren’t supposed to walk through a city this romantic alone, not when your soulmate was a few blocks away in a hotel room. You were supposed to be with him.

He feels your ache though, and you feel his. 

Besides, it’s almost, almost over. 

In Paris, you all have an extra two days to account for the end of the tour and flights home, and the electric energy of being almost finished and almost home has everyone buzzing. The members are jittery with anticipation but so is the staff, so close to being back home and in the arms of their loved ones and with a belly full of Korean food. 

On the last show, after soundcheck runs perfectly smoothly and the pre-show rituals have all been checked off without a hitch, it goes to shit. Venue delays, an issue outside getting the fans inside, leaving the stadium only half full at the call time. 

It’s not the first time this has happened of course, but it is the first time for this tour and to have it happen on the last day leaves everyone groaning. 

“They couldn’t tell us this twenty minutes ago?” Hongjoong asks one of your production team.

They had been moments away from starting the introduction lights and music, the boys had already gotten up onto their rising platforms when a member of the venue staff had jogged all the way backstage waving her arms and trying to explain in a mix of French and English that they had to wait. 

“They said thirty minutes,” The staff member replies, “we won’t have to make any cuts, but anything over an hour we’ll need to start,” 

“Fuck,” Hongjoong’s jaw tightens, “Sorry, I apologize,” 

The boys are gathered tightly around management and the production staff and you, Iseul, and the other members of makeup and hair step forwards to listen in. 

You can’t quite catch all of the conversation, but then there’s some nodding in the center circle and Sunhee, the head of tour production, turns and addresses everyone as they shuffle into a semi-circle around him, “Alright, we’re running on a thirty delay,” 

Everyone nods.

 “If we hit 60, we’re electing to cut Deja Vu, Silver Light, DLWB, and Eternal Sunshine,” He explains, “We’ll shift Wave into the 8th block behind Dreamy Day, yes?” 

Everyone nods again. 

“That’s a setup we’re already prepared for, correct?” He addresses the sound team who nods, and then looks to every other team who follows suit before he continues, “If we need to cut more, we need to be prepared for a lot of small changes. It’s possible we lose Win and Fireworks, and that’s not something we want to do. Everyone needs to be on strict standby until we get rolling, I don’t want to be looking for anyone in the bathroom or finding out someone stepped out for a smoke, clear?” 

There’s a chorus of responses. 

“If you need a break, do it in the next five. Every ten until lights, we’re right here.” He’s a clear, no nonsense leader, but everyone has their marching orders. 

The group breaks up after that, several staff hurrying off to the bathrooms now and a couple of the BB Trippin dancers slipping out the back access door for a cigarette. 

The members are talking amongst themselves in a tighter circle, planning choreography changes and ment changes to tighten up the time, and you try your best to not look at Yunho for more than a passing glance. His back is to you, and you ache to reach out and see how he’s doing, ease the bubble of stress you feel in your gut, but you can’t. 

Iseul bumps you gently with her hip and nods her head back towards your stations. Dahan and Eunji are back, thankfully, having gotten over Covid fairly quickly and started testing negative, and the four of you huddle up to do your own planning session. 

“This doesn’t change much for us except how fast we work,” Iseul says, “we can make some strategic cuts around the unit stages too, no added eye enhancements, keep the focus on skin, lips, and brows.” 

“Done,” Dahan nods and then settles back into the chair at her station, “I don’t think there’s much more we can do,” 

Iseul nods, “It’s not a makeup heavy set,” 

Eunji collapses into her own chair and pops open an energy drink, “That just means their foundation has to look better,” 

“They look good,” You assure her, “and lord knows we use enough setting spray,” 

Eunji laughs and takes a swig of her drink, her carefully manicured nails clicking against the aluminum can as drops it back down on the table, “Hmm,” her leg bounces nervously, “we should check them again,” 

“They’re fine,” Iseul says, “plus, wardrobe has them.” 

You look back up, and sure enough the wardrobe team is fluttering around them as they talk, taking every opportunity to re-steam a jacket or fix a pant hemline. 

You lean back against the long table of snacks and water bottles along the one white wall and watch the chaos, your fingers drumming restlessly along the lip of the table. 

“Hey!” One of the wardrobe staff leaps forwards and you look up, “Don’t sit on the couch, I’ll just have to press those pants again!”

Wooyoung leaps up from the couch and groans, “Sorry, sorry,” 

“Let me check you,” She inspects his pants with a sharp gaze, “these crease too easily,” 

Wooyoung cracks a joke you don’t hear, but everyone within earshot is laughing and you smile at the scene. You’ve all worked together for so long it really does feel a bit like family. 

Staff starts to gather back up, and Sunhee makes another clear announcement, “Still running on a thirty,” 

Everyone echoes back their understanding. 

Now there’s nothing to do but wait. Chewing the inside of your lip you fish your phone out of your brush belt pocket and idly scroll, flicking through photo after photo on Instagram and barely absorbing any of it. 

A body shifts in your periphery and you look up to see Yunho, leaning on the table next to you but leaving an appropriate amount of space between your bodies. His head is angled away from you, talking animatedly to San about something, and though you know he’s ignoring you on purpose you also know he sat here for a reason. 

Your chest warms, and so does his. 

Feeling him this close feels like you’re standing in a rising tide, the sensation of him filling the space around you so wholly and completely, and you know if you were to just surrender to it would carry you right out to sea. 

San’s eyes flick to yours, “What about you?” 

You blink, “Hmm?” You might have been looking in their direction but not a single word made it into your brain. 

San’s eyebrow quirks up in amusement, “That dance challenge with Bada, have you seen it?” 

“Oh,” You nod, realizing what trend they’re talking about on Tiktok, “yeah, for sure, it’s everywhere right now,” 

“I’m trying to get Yunho to do it with me,” He explains, “it’s cool right? I think we’d kill it,” 

Yunho swivels his head to look in your direction and your stomach flips and you fight to keep your face somewhat professional and neutral when you nod, “It’s definitely cool, a lot of idols are doing it, you should,” 

“Well,” He smiles, his expression warm, “I guess I’ll have to,” 

San snorts softly, and you wonder briefly if he involved you in the conversation because he knew Yunho would cave if you said something. 

The moment is short though, when Wooyoung cuts between San and Yunho, “Budge over I need a water,” 

Yunho slides to the side just a few inches, but it’s enough to feel the heat of his body from shoulder to thigh as he gets closer to you and your breath quickens. Even after a few weeks, his proximity still makes you feel a dizzy kind of elation and you swallow tightly to keep your own reactions under wraps. 

“You good?” Yunho’s focused on Wooyoung’s serious expression though. 

“My calf keeps cramping,” He complains, uncapping a water bottle and locating a packet of electrolytes to pour into it. 

“You need to stretch,” San says, “drink that and come here,” 

Wooyoung grumbles something and Yunho chuckles. 

“Yeah, yeah,” San rolls his eyes, “don’t complain when you know I’m right,” 

“Fine,” Wooyoung downs the water bottle, drinking half of it in three thirsty gulps and then spins on his heel to follow San to the far wall that’s empty. 

For a moment, Yunho doesn’t move. 

You stay frozen in place, unsure of exactly what to do, if you should move or if you should let him move, but he makes the decision for you. 

The back of his knuckles brush along yours for just a moment, and then he’s up again and walking towards his members. Your heart flutters, and you’re sure he can feel it with the way he looks at you, just one quick glance back before he starts stretching again with Wooyoung and San. 

You’ll have to add that one to your notes then, he brushed your hand in Paris. 

Blissfully, they announce again that the delay is only going to be thirty minutes. No cuts to the show, no panic. In ten minutes everything will start and you’ll be one step closer to home.

In the wings at the new call time, you prep them again with a final pat of powder, smoothing out any whisper of a pore. When they move past you, Yunho’s hand brushes yours again, and you wonder if he knows he’s doing it. It feels unconscious the way he gravitates towards you, and though he keeps the contact decidedly subtle, you can feel the way his nervousness eases with just a touch of your skin on his. 

You watch him as he jogs out to the stage risers, you can’t quite tear your eyes away. He’s so handsome, so commanding of the stage, so unlike the soft, gentle man you’ve come to know off screen. You’re starting to really love them both, or perhaps you already do, and quietly you send him as much warmth and confidence through the link as you can. 

His eyes flick over to the wings, a flash of a smile on his lips, but then he refocuses and adjusts his in-ears, and the risers lift into the roar of the crowd once again. 

Your eyes track him as he goes up, and sensation bursts through the link from his side, only this time it doesn’t take you down to your knees. You’ve gotten used to it the past few shows, and now it just rings in your body like background noise. 

A hand closes around your forearm and pulls, yanking you out of your dazed thoughts, and you whirl to catch Iseul’s serious expression.

“Come with me,” She murmurs lowly, “right now.” 

Your stomach twists but you keep the panic to a minimum, you can’t do this to him again. Following her to the backstage door, she grabs her coat and tugs it on and throws you yours. She tugs you outside before you can even properly get your arms through the sleeves and you yank your arm back, “What’s going on?” 

“You’re asking me?” She says quietly even though the stage door is shut tight and there’s no one in sight, “Are you kidding?” 

She shoves a hand into her pocket and fishes out a pack of cigarettes, ones that she usually only smokes after a few drinks, “I started to think in Amsterdam that it was one of them,” 

Your stomach sinks like a stone. 

She sparks the lighter and leans in to light the smoke, “You were watching them differently,” 

“Iseul,” 

“But, I guess it’s Yunho, isn’t it?” She takes a drag and levels you with a serious expression. 

“Please,” You don’t even know what you’re begging for, she’s your best friend, but the fear of the unknown still crushes your chest, “don’t,” 

“He watches you too,” She says, “I wasn’t sure at first, he’s always been friendly with us, but this is different,” 

“I don’t know what to say,” You manage. 

“How about you don’t lie to your best friend,” She takes another drag, “that would be a good start,” 

“It’s not what you think,” You step closer. 

“I don’t think you know what I think,” 

“Iseul,” You wrap your arms around yourself. 

“Fine,” She tips the ash off the end of the cigarette and pushes her pin straight hair back over her shoulder, “I’ll tell you what I think,” 

You stay silent, stomach tight. 

“You’ve been weird,” She says, “I’ve never seen you act like this over a guy, and I really doubt you just noticed him for the first time, so either you’re an excellent liar or you’re in love with him,” 

You blanch. 

“And if you’re in love with him,” She points out, “so suddenly after years, then there’s more to it. So I started paying attention,” 

She takes a long drag of her cigarette and sighs out the smoke. 

“You’ve been sneaking off,” She points out, “checking your phone constantly,” 

Your eyes flick down to the pavement. 

“But the weirdest part,” She says, “is that you’ve been changing in the bathroom and we’ve been friends for years. I’ve seen your tits like a hundred times,” 

Your head snaps up. 

“You’ve been too happy lately for it to be something bad,” She says, her voice softening a bit, “so it’s something good, something like your mark changing.” 

”Iseul,” Your voice comes out weakly. 

“Fuck,” She looks over your expression, “he’s your soulmate,” 

“We didn’t know,” You stumble through the words, “I swear, we didn’t,” 

“I believe you,” She nods, “I just want to know why you couldn’t tell me. I’m your best friend, I would have helped you, I wouldn’t… I would never tell anyone,” 

“I know,” You reach for her, “I know you wouldn’t do that.” 

“Then why?” She pulls her wrist from your touch and ashes her cigarette again, “Because it really hurts that you couldn’t trust me with this.” 

“It’s not that,” You press, and it pours out of you, “we don’t even know what we’re doing. It’s really overwhelming, everything I’m feeling and he’s feeling, and then there’s the contracts and the job and the fucking public, and I just… I don’t know what to do, we don’t know what to do. We decided to wait until we got back to Korea to figure it out properly,” 

She nods. 

“I was going to tell you as soon as I got the nerve up,” You promise, “I haven’t even called Hana,” 

Her eyes widen at the confession that you haven’t told your sister after weeks, “Babe,” 

“If you know,” You manage, “and she knows, then it’s happening, and I,” 

Iseul flicks her cigarette to the curb and throws her arms around you, tugging you close for a hug, “Oh, you nervous idiot,” 

“I promise,” You hug her back, “I was going to tell you,” 

“Don’t you want it to be real?” She murmurs the question, “It’s your soulmate,” 

“I do,” You nod, “I want him, it’s just,” 

She rubs your back as you sigh.

”It could be easier,” You finally admit, “if he wasn’t who he is, then it would be simple.” 

She nods and pulls back from the hug, giving you a final squeeze, “Simple’s for fairytales,” 

“I guess,” 

“We’ll work it out,” She nods, “I’ll help.”

“I should have told you weeks ago,” You confess. 

“Probably,” She nods, “I would have helped cover for you at least,” 

You smile, “Yeah?” 

“Totally,” She nods. 

You sigh into the cold air, your breath making a cloud of vapor. 

She pushes her hands into her coat pockets and then stops, “Who else knows?” 

“San, he saw it when we touched,” You tell her and her eyes widen, “and Seonghwa… he found us in bed that morning in Berlin,” 

“I’ll be mad about them knowing before me later,” Her nose crinkles, “but that’s good, let’s keep the circle small for now.” 

“Definitely,” You nod, “we want to tell people, but just not… it’s better at home,” 

She chews the inside of her lip, sighing and pulling out another cigarette, “You haven’t slept together?” 

“Not yet,” 

As she lights the second cigarette her eyebrow quirks up, “So you’re just tormenting yourselves for fun, or?” 

Iseul was, without a doubt, the biggest believer in soulmates you’ve ever met. Everyone in her family was lucky enough to have found their match young, from her parents to her siblings, but she’s been waiting. Out of anyone without a soulmate though, she knew exactly how difficult the time between initial touch and fulfillment of the bond was. 

“We nearly did,” 

“And?” She takes a drag.

“He wanted to do it right,” You explain, your cheeks heating.

She nods, “He seems like that type,” 

Your gut tightens and you exhale, “I was also a little terrified,” 

“You and relationships,” 

“This is different,” You cross your arms.

 Iseul smirks at your sudden defensiveness, “I know it is,” she says, “but it’s still freaking you out, obviously,” 

“It was,” You admit, “maybe it is, but not in the way you’re thinking.” The logistics have you stressed beyond belief, but him? Those fears have been fading fast since that first night.

 “So, you do love him,” She smiles, flicking away her half smoked cigarette.

All you can do is nod. 

Iseul softens at that, after so many years of friendship and watching each other try relationships on for size. Every almost match that withered into nothing, every missed connection, every late night wondering. 

“I’m happy for you both,” She says earnestly, reaching for the door and clearing her throat to shove away the emotion there, “but I swear if you lie to me again,” 

You laugh, “Got it.” 

She punches in the key code to the door and twists the handle when it goes green, but then she stops short, “Listen, we’ll talk about the rest later, but you’ve got to tone it down with him in there. No more longing looks, no more little touches, if I saw you someone else will too.” 

Your stomach twists, “Fuck,” 

“It’s fine,” She says, “I was looking for it, but eventually someone’s going to notice.” 

“Okay, you’re right” You nod. 

“Let’s get back in there,” She pulls the door back open and you stumble inside. 

Everyone is gathering up again for the first costume change, and you do your best to shake off the conversation. Iseul squeezes your shoulder once, and then slips back to her station like nothing ever happened. 

You don’t look at him again the rest of the show. 

Iseul’s warning lives in your mind and you try to keep some distance. You give him the same polite congratulations on the tour that you give to every member, ignoring the little crease between his brows when he realizes you’re being funny. 

At the team dinner, you keep to the far side of the table and keep the soju to a minimum. 

You ignore the buzzing phone in your pocket and his quick glances. 

Iseul keeps you busy, keeps you steady.

You don’t let yourself look at the text messages on your phone until you’re back in your hotel room and able to finally relax. A string of texts from him make your heart twist. 

everything alright?

you seem tense, did something happen during the show?

alright now i know you’re avoiding me….. jagi, what did i do? tell me so i can fix whatever it is

you look so beautiful tonight, i wish i was across the table from you. i wish we didn’t have to hide this. i wish you’d tell me what’s wrong so i can make it better. 

let me know you get to your room safely. 

“You good?” Iseul asks as she flops back on her bed, “You look freaked,” 

“Yunho,” You pass her the phone so she can see for herself. 

She skims the messages quietly, one eyebrow raising, “Girl,” she looks up at you, “I said be subtle, not emotionally terrify your new boyfriend,” 

Your cheeks heat, “He’s not my boyfriend,” 

“Yeah he is,” Iseul rolls her eyes and tosses your phone back, “and the sooner you accept that this is good for you, the sooner you can get a handle on this with him and actually make a plan,” 

Chewing the inside of your lip you sink down onto the edge of your own bed, “I keep fucking this up,” 

She shakes her head, “You’re fine, but you’re also wound so tight some strings are bound to break. Call him,” 

“He’s probably so pissed at me,” You breathe.

 “He’s probably worried,” She counters, “but babe, he’s not any of your shitty exes. At some point you have to stop being scared that every guy is going to break your heart, especially this one.” 

“Ouch,” You grimace at her words. 

“Am I wrong?” 

You sigh heavily and run a hand through your hair, of course she wasn’t wrong. Iseul had watched you couple up time and time again only for it to be another failed attempt at not being alone. That combined with your only significant relationship being littered with gaslighting, cheating, and a truly terrible sex life meant she wouldn’t let you settle, or let a good thing pass you by just because of your anxiety and less than stellar history with the opposite sex. 

“Call him,” She interrupts your thoughts again. 

You swallow tightly, but at her unwavering gaze you finally look down and press the call button next to his contact picture, pressing the phone to your ear, your fingers drumming nervously on your knee. 

Yunho picks up on the second ring, “Baby?” 

He doesn’t sound mad at all, all you hear is relief in his voice and your shoulders drop, “Hey,” 

“Are you okay? What’s going on?” You hear the rustle of sheets on his side as he sits up. 

“Nothing,” You let out the air trapped in your chest, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you worry,” 

He’s quiet for a second, but then he speaks up, “I can feel your stress, y/n,” 

You wonder how heavily it’s pouring out of you for him to feel it so clearly through the link. 

He takes a slow breath and then continues, “If it’s something I did, I’d like to know so we can talk about it. If it’s something else, I’m here,” 

There’s a brush of warmth against your mark, and all your tension starts to melt, “You didn’t do anything wrong, Yunho, I promise.”

“Okay,” He murmurs, letting you know he’s listening, waiting for more. 

You look up and meet Iseul’s gaze. She nods at you, waving her hand towards you in a ‘get on with it’ motion, silently pushing you through this. 

“Iseul knows about us,” You tell him in a nervous exhale, “she noticed we were being familiar, that there was something going on,” 

Sheets rustle again and Yunho clears his throat, “Oh,” he says, “I mean, you’re friends aren’t you? Is she upset?”

You open your mouth to say more, but Iseul groans and pushes herself off the bed, snatching the phone from your ear and taking over the call. You jump up to grab it back, but she holds you back with one arm outstretched and a growing smile on her face.

 “Yunho?” She says, “It’s Iseul,” 

You hear a short response from Yunho, but you can’t make out the individual words he says.

 “Of course I’m not upset,” Iseul says, “I’m honestly really, really happy for you both, even if I had to figure it out myself,” 

You watch as Iseul listens to his reply and she laughs sharply. 

“Yeah, you two giving each other puppy eyes for the last few weeks was not subtle, no,”

Another beat, and you nudge her side, whispering, “Iseul,” 

“No, no,” She shakes her head and steps away from you to keep talking to him, “I told y/n this, but I was looking for it. She was acting weird so I knew something was up, but I just wanted you both to be careful in front of everyone,” 

Yunho says something you can’t hear and Iseul nods to herself.

”She’s okay,” Iseul looks back to you, a soft expression in her eyes now, “you’ll learn this, but she’s a little skittish.” 

“Iseul!” 

She rolls her eyes at you, but listens to him and nods again, “Listen,” she finally says, “I’m going to give the phone back to your girl, but before I do I just want to remind you that she’s my best friend. I think you’re a good guy, Yunho, but if you so much as make her cry, I’ll kill you. Clear?” 

His reply is short and she laughs.

 “Good,” Iseul grins, “she deserves someone good, and I know you can be that person for her.”

You reach out your hand for the phone again, needing to talk to him and pull your best friend back from whatever emotional speech she might let loose next. 

“I’m glad,” Iseul says, “now let me put y/n back on, I think she’s about to have an aneurism.” 

You can hear Yunho’s laugh as she passes back the phone and you take it eagerly, “Hi, god, I’m so sorry about that,” 

Iseul laughs and walks towards the bathroom to wind down and do her skincare and give you a brief moment of privacy, and you spin and walk towards the far end of the room near the window. 

“It’s fine,” Yunho sounds warm and not at all upset, “I’m glad you have a friend like her,” 

“Still,” You curl up into the armchair, “I didn’t mean to act so weird today or to corner you like this after such a long show,” 

“Don’t apologize,” He soothes you, “I know this is a lot, and Iseul’s right, we need to be careful if we want to do this the right way,” 

“Yeah,” You sigh, “still, I could have texted you and told you. I just got nervous,” 

“I know,” He murmurs, “but in the future, you don’t have to be alone in that. I’m your guy.” 

A smile tugs at your lips, “You are?” 

“Mhm,” He says softly, “you don’t have to handle anything alone anymore, jagi.”

Tightness sinks into your throat and you nod, pushing back the telltale sign of tears, “I’d like that,” 

“Good,” He murmurs, “now are you up for doing me a favor?” 

“A favor?” Your brow furrows, “What’s wrong?” 

“Not wrong,” He sounds so relaxed, so comfortable, and it puts you at ease, “but get your coat and map yourself to the location I’m sending you,” 

“What?” You laugh, feeling your phone buzz as his text comes through. 

“We’ll keep our distance,” He assures you, “but sweetheart, it’s snowing, and I am not missing the first snow with my soulmate in Paris,” he emphasizes, “so bundle up and get out here.” 

You pull the curtain to the side, and sure enough there’s snow swirling in the air, falling in soft fluffy flakes.

“Oh, wow,” You breathe, taking in how a white blanket has already started to thicken up on the streets outside. 

“Call me back when you get there,” He says, “okay?” 

“Yeah,” You smile, soft warmth spreading through your body, “I’m on my way,” 

You’re a whirlwind as you tug your coat back on, lacing up your boots and searching your bag for a pair of gloves. Iseul gives you one look when she sees you getting ready, but she smiles, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” 

“I won’t be long, I’m sure,” 

She shrugs, “Be safe,” 

“I will,” 

She searches for something on the side table and tosses it to you, a small black piece of fabric, “Mask, don’t forget,” 

“Got it,” You nod, affixing the mask to your face. The likelihood of you being photographed in Paris during a snowstorm when you weren’t even going to be next to Yunho was close to zero, but the risk wouldn’t be worth it. 

“Go get your man,” She arches her brow suggestively and you groan, rolling your eyes and darting out of the hotel room before she can embarrass you anymore. 

As quickly as you can, you map yourself to the pinned spot he sent and start walking. It’s hard to tell from the map, but as you get closer to the spot a few streets up from your hotel on the far side of the Seine you realize this is all it is, a street corner by the edge of the bridge. 

There’s barely anyone around, especially with the weather, and you can’t see Yunho anywhere. 

Tucking your coat closed around you, you find your phone and follow Yunho’s instructions. 

He picks up your call immediately, “You there?” he asks, his voice sounding a little muffled. 

“Yeah,” You breathe, looking around to see if you can spot him now, “Are you coming?” 

“I’m already here,” He says, “look up, across the river under the light by the steps,”

You step close to the stone railing at the edge of the river, and sure enough under the street lamp directly opposite your corner, Yunho stands unmistakably tall under the light. You can’t make out the details of him from this far away, the river is wide enough that he could be just about anyone at this distance, but then the figure waves. 

You can hear the smile in Yunho’s voice when he says, “Hi, baby,” 

“Hey,” You relax into the railing, your stomach flipping pleasantly. You’re still not used to the way he’s tender with you, his pet names and how easily he sunk into being soulmates, but you trust him. It doesn’t matter how fast or how hard you’re falling, despite those fluttering nerves, you know he’s going to catch you, you feel it. 

He hums pleasantly through the phone and you imagine him smiling, “Take a walk with me?” he asks brightly.

“Love to,” You murmur. 

“I have a surprise for you,” He says, “it’s just around the bend of the river,” 

“How did you have time to do anything? We just got to Paris last night,” The figure across the river starts to walk and so you follow, slowly making your way up the length of the river by the stone railing. 

“Don’t get too excited,” He laughs softly, “I didn’t do anything,” 

“Mhm,” The air is crisp and sharp, and you take in a deep breath, “I love snow,” 

“Me too,” 

“People always say I’m crazy, but I prefer winter over summer,” 

“I do too,” He says, and you can almost picture him smiling, “I hate the heat,” 

There’s a natural lull, a gentle pause in conversation, but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. You feel his presence with you as if he were walking right at your side, and it keeps you warmer than any scarf or padded coat. 

Finally, Yunho breaks the companionable silence, “I always try to take a long walk in a new city,” 

“Late night, like this?” You ask.

“It’s usually the only time I have,” He sighs, “I’m getting used to exploring places by street lamp,” 

“I’d like to actually explore here during the day,” You say, “I’ve always wanted to come here,” 

“Where else have you always wanted to go?” 

You step around a couple nestled close together near the wall and continue on, boots crunching on the layer of snow ahead of you, “Everywhere,” you admit, “but I don’t know, there’s more of America to see, and I’ve never been to Australia. Vietnam maybe, or, oh, Iceland, I’d like to see the northern lights.” 

“I’d love to take you there someday,” 

“Take another long walk in the snow,” You offer, glancing across the river. It takes you a moment to find him as you both pass through a busier spot, but you see him pass under another street lamp and your heart is back at ease. 

“y/n,” Yunho says after a beat, “are you sure you’re alright with Iseul knowing about us?” 

You swap your phone to your opposite hand, tucking your frozen fingers into your pocket and nod even though he can’t really see that from this far away, “I am, she’s my best friend, I should have just told her.” 

“I don’t think either one of us knows what we’re doing,” He reminds you, “and that’s okay.” 

“Mm,” You sigh, a heavy cloud of vapor blooming in the icy air, “I do know one thing,” 

“What’s that?” 

Your stomach flutters nervously, but you press on, “I haven’t felt this happy or this cared for in a long time,” 

He’s quiet for a moment, and then you hear his breath, “I feel the same way,” 

“I just want to be on the plane now,” You admit, “at least then we’d be almost home,” 

“Well,” He says, “don’t wish for it too soon,” 

“What do you,” You start to say but he swiftly cuts back in. 

“Look to your left, sweetheart,” He says warmly.

Your head snaps up, and you turn only to have the breath knocked out of you by this city yet again. There, across the river and beyond a large bridge in the distance is the Eiffel Tower, standing golden against the night sky. 

“Oh,” You breathe. 

“Wait for it,” He murmurs.

“What did you do?” You can’t stop yourself from grinning like a fool, but you expect that’s a common experience for tourists in love in this city. 

“I didn’t do anything,” He laughs, “I just got the timing right, just wait,” 

You step closer to the wide bridge, ornate with golden statues and arched to offer ferry boats passage underneath. All the while you keep your eyes locked to the tower, and blink away the dust of snow collecting on your eyelashes. 

“Yunho,” 

“Just,” He starts to say, his voice getting far away as if he moved the phone, “another minute,” 

You tuck your scarf up around your face and wait, and then it starts to glitter. Blocks away but still standing tall before you in the distance, the golden monument starts to sparkle with the fast flicker of silvery lights.

“Oh,” You breathe, “I didn’t think I’d see it,” 

“Mhm,” He murmurs, “you might have mentioned it in London,” 

“Did I?” You can’t tear your eyes away. 

“I’m sorry I can’t take you there properly,” He confesses, “or anywhere properly yet, but, someday I will,” 

The glittering stops and you finally look away to try and find him again across the bridge, only he’s closer now and walking directly along your side of the bridge towards you. Your feet are moving before you can convince yourself otherwise, a magnetic pull straight to him. 

The bridge is thankfully quiet, barely anyone on either side, and you both stop in the middle, both of your phones tucked into your respective pockets. 

“Hi,” His eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles beneath his mask. 

“Hey,” You sigh, “should we be doing this?” 

“No one’s here,” He says, stepping closer, “just one minute,” 

You nod, “One minute,” 

“Listen,” He says, his hand brushing against yours again, “I know you’re scared. I’m scared too,” 

Your heartbeat quickens.

“But we are almost home,” He says, “and once we’re there, we will make a plan. We will make this work, and I promise you, I’m more afraid of losing you than of losing all this,” he gestures towards the city around you. 

“There’s got to be a way, other people who have done this,” You nod. 

“We’ll find out,” He assures you, “just please, don’t pull away from me when things get hard or if you’re afraid. You can rely on me, you can trust me, I swear to you, y/n.” 

You can feel the nervous knot in his chest, and you step close, resting a hand where you know his soulmark loops on his chest. When you let yourself feel him, focus on him, it’s clear to you just how anxious about your growing relationship he’s been. Soulmates or not you still have to walk the path together, and of the two of you, you’ve been less clear. His gestures, his gifts, the way he’s tried his best over the past few weeks to show you his true feelings and intentions, but you haven’t given him enough back to soothe that knot in his chest. 

“Baby,” The endearment slips out and you feel him soften under your touch, “I’m here, I’m with you. I’m so fucking terrified, but not of you or of this.” 

Snow sticks to his lashes, swirls in the air around you, but his exhale of ragged breath isn’t the cold, it’s relief. 

“I’m worried I’m going to fuck it up somehow, of what will happen when people find out,” You confess, “and I’m so scared you’ll wake up one day and realize I wasn’t worth the mess,” 

“y/n,” He shakes his head, reaching for your cheek. 

“I know, I know,” You catch his hand against your face, press a fast kiss to his palm through the fabric of your mask, “it’s just a fear, I just want you to understand where my head has been,” 

He nods, a little crease between his brows. 

“But I do trust you,” You tell him, “more than anyone, and I’ve been alone a long time, so I’m learning how to let myself rely on you, but I’ve never doubted you. Not before and definitely not now,” 

“Come here,” He tucks your bodies together and tugs his mask down, “kiss me,” 

You pull yours away, and you press up on your tiptoes to meet his eager mouth.

His nose is cold, and his fingers are icy against your cheek, but his lips are warm and soft and his broad body blocks the gust of wind and snow. 

The knot of anxiety in his chest starts to ease, and you brush your fingers over his mark to seal your own promise back to him. 

“Sweetheart, I,” He sighs, kissing you once more, letting his words fade on his tongue, “thank you.” 

“I’m sorry I haven’t said it like that before,” You say, “but I’m here,” 

He nods, a soft smile on his mouth, and he leans over to kiss you once more in the snowy Paris street, the golden glow of the Eiffel tower still in your periphery. 

When he pulls back, he rights his mask and you follow his lead, “It’s cold, let’s get back inside,” he says. 

You can barely feel it, but you nod, “Okay,” 

“Call me again,” He squeezes your hand once and then lets it drop, “I’ll walk you back,” 

You smile, finding your phone and dialing him. 

Yunho pulls his phone out, and starts to walk back across the bridge, but then he picks up, “Hello?” 

“Hey, again,” You walk backwards slowly, watching him as he tucks the phone closer to his ear. 

“Hi,” He says warmly, and then he turns to catch sight of you when he says, “I just met the prettiest girl in Paris,” 

Butterflies roll through you, “Oh, yeah?” 

“Mhm,” He murmurs, “I think I’m falling for her,” 

Easy warmth spreads through your chest despite the chill, “That’s so funny,” you tell him as you turn to round the corner of the bridge again, “I just met this guy,” 

He laughs, and slowly you make your way back to the hotel. The conversation comes more easily now, the lingering threads of any tension dissipating with the wind. You talk about everything and nothing, how to tell the members and what you’re planning to have for coffee in the morning, and by the time you’re at the hotel the snow has slowed to a stop and the streets are empty except for you both, two long-distance lovers across the Seine. 

───────────────────────── ✧₊⁺───────────────────────

The final day in Paris passes by in a blur just like the plane home. It’s always like this after a tour, the absolute exhaustion after weeks of adrenaline and travel, but this time all you want is to be home and it feels like you’re doing the epitome of just going through the motions to get there. 

Yunho had texted you to sleep well on the flight, and you did, only to be shaken awake hours and hours later by Iseul when you were preparing to land. You had only woken up for one of the flight meals and a quick bathroom break, but now as you descend into Incheon you’re itching to get out of the seat more than you normally would be.

 Home. 

You can see it out the window, but you can feel it too.

Up until this moment, everything with you and Yunho had been on a delay, the reality of what you were to each other only something to fully reckon with after the tour, and now here you were. 

Your fingers start to nervously drum against your knee as you prepare for landing, your heart picking up as you touch down, your leg bouncing in anticipation while the plane takes its time taxing to the gate. 

Iseul gives your hand a squeeze when you finally make it off the plane and into the interior of the airport, only this time it’s not to calm your nerves, it's to remind you that you have a role to play. Today the crowd is thick, rows and rows of screaming, clawing girls and you feel your heart rate pick up immediately. They’re not here for you, they could honestly care less about you, but you still have to make your way through them as quickly and painlessly as possible. 

The support staff is always split, half in front of the boys and half behind, an extra layer of bodies between them and the hands that so badly want to touch them. Girls that want their one moment, a quick press of skin on skin, seeking a confirmation of the bond they’re so convinced exists between them and their bias. It’s never bothered you before, just a hazard of being famous, but now you can’t help but feel like they know. One look at you and they can see right through all the careful lies, they can see your tattoo and his, a string knotted from your ribs to his, and you think they might kill you for it. It wouldn’t be the first time a deranged fan took things too far, and your stomach churns with every step as you leave the relative safety of the main gate. 

Getting from the plane to the cars is a well oiled production. You’re used to sticking close to your team and a set of the support staff, head down, hat low, moving swiftly. There’s not much you can do about it unless you happen to be on a different flight, which has happened a time or two while you’ve been working with Ateez but it’s rare. 

For weeks since you first felt the link between you and Yunho, you’ve been able to feel some echo of his emotions through the connection, but as you file off the plane and group up to start working through the crowd, the sensation of him goes quiet. You’ve seen the members as they walk, a crafted persona of friendliness over the full disassociation, but you never expected to feel some shadow of that yourself. Your nerves are swirling, but you take a few slow and steadying breaths, and alongside Iseul and the rest of your coworkers, you start walking. 

It should be quick, it should be painless, but it isn’t. 

Halfway to the doors, a body breaks through the guards to your side, making a desperate beeline for one of the boys behind you, the girl’s face streaked with tears and hands outstretched, her shoulder checking yours hard as she pushes her way through into the interior circle. 

You stumble hard, footing unsure on the slick linoleum, your heart pounding suddenly in your chest. 

You make a tight noise of surprise, hand outstretched to brace your fall as you collapse hard onto your left knee. Bodies bump into you on all sides, stumbling to not knock you over and trample you, but you still struggle to get your feet under you. 

It’s loud in here, the sudden sound of fans and bodyguards, but you feel a spike of alarm shoot through your gut as he comes back online and reacts to your fall. You can’t turn around, but you feel him, and then all at once there’s hands hooking under your arms and you’re stumbling back up to your feet. 

Yunho’s several paces back behind you, layers of bodies away, but despite that he lurches forwards, forgetting himself in the fray. There’s no cameras, no crowd, no thought of familiarity in his mind, only the singular truth that his soulmark is hurt and the need to get to you is all encompassing. A hard hand locks down on his bicep, another on his opposite shoulder. He has half a mind to throw whoever has him off, and then reality clicks back into place.

He watches as Iseul and one of the other managers hauls you back up to your feet while the bodyguards close ranks and remove the cloying girl. 

San, his hand still locked around Yunho’s arm, leans in tight to his ear, “She’s fine, don’t.” 

“You don’t,” Yunho starts to say but Seonghwa claps him on the shoulder again, squeezing him and trying to silently remind him the stakes here. 

“Look,” San urges him as they keep moving, “she’s up, use your head.” 

He focuses, and he watches the way you walk. Iseul is still pinned to your side but you’re not injured, just keeping your head down. He takes a tight breath and focuses on the feeling of the link, searching for your emotions under the bubbling rush of his own. 

Seonghwa’s hand falls away as the group makes it closer to the door, but San stays steady bracing Yunho’s bicep.

Yunho blinks and focuses, and then he feels you. Your own heart is beating fast, a blanket of anxiety mixed with discomfort and blushing embarrassment. There’s no fear though, no pain, and he shudders a sigh in relief. 

This kind of connection with another person is so singular and so maddening. He’s always cared for you, he would have wanted to help even if you weren’t his soulmate, but knowing that you are and feeling it all has him ready to tear the world apart for your smallest needs. He can understand now with perfect clarity why companies are so protective of skin on skin contact with their artists, why there’s no room for exceptions until positions are far more established. A young man with a soulmarked bond would ruin every scrap of his own career if it meant he could touch her, hold her, have her for just a moment. 

“Breathe,” San bids him, “you’re staring,” 

Yunho rips his eyes away from your back and looks to San, “It’s too much,” 

San gives him a wide, idol smile and shakes his head, “Cameras, Yunho,” 

He blinks and refocuses, finding his own photogenic smile and nodding towards the crowd. He waves, he nods, he does all the things a good little idol would do. 

Warmth brushes over his chest, the feeling of your fingers along the loops of your tattoo and the tight fist around his heart loosens, breath finally filling his lungs the right way. Silently, you’ve told him you’re safe, you’re well. He can breathe. 

You’re in separate cars though, and as you climb into the SUV with the rest of the makeup and hair staff, your hands start to shake. 

“You okay?” Iseul finally asks as the doors close. 

“Mm,” You sigh, leaning back into the soft seat, “I hate those crowds,” 

She nods, “Security should have never let that girl get through,” 

“She just pushed me aside,” You rub your tired eyes, “I can’t even believe someone would be that unhinged,” 

“Mhm,” Iseul rolls her eyes, “well, when it’s her one chance to see if her precious Yunho-ya is her star crossed soulmate,” 

A flicker of jealous anger sparks in your gut, “Is that who she was after?”

“Yeah,” A look of disgust passes over her face, “as if fate would actually match up an idol and a saesang, get real.” 

You laugh, and someone else makes a comment about how cruel it would be if that actually happened, but you and Iseul are sharing a private look. Of course none of those girls are his soulmark, not when you’re sitting right here. 

You shiver, you can’t stop thinking about the girl’s tear streaked face as she shoved you to the side. What would a fan like that think about you being her bias’s soulmate? You don’t even want to know. 

The car pulls away, and you feel your phone start to buzz in your pocket. You fish it out and keep it close so no one next to you can see the screen. 

Your body melts at the message. 

Are you hurt, jagiya? 

You tap out a quick reply, needing to not keep him waiting - I’m alright, it just startled me. 

Bubbles pop up immediately as he types - I’ll have a talk with security, there’s no reason for staff to be that close to the fans like that. Too risky. 

You’re in love with him already, it’s impossible not to be when he talks like this. You smile and write back - Don’t, we shouldn’t draw any attention. But it means a lot that you were worried about me. 

Of course I worry - His first message flies in, and then another - I felt you fall, I nearly ran to get to you. 

I’m glad you didn’t. We really can’t give anyone a reason to question things. 

I know. But I wanted to, I never want anything to keep me from you when you need me. 

Jeong Yunho…. - You write back, butterflies in your belly at his words - Are you trying to make me like you?

I thought we covered this, you don’t already like me? - You feel his warmth through the bond and you know he’s teasing. 

You know I do. - If you said more you’d probably reveal how far in this you already are after a few weeks of a bond. 

It takes a moment for him to respond, but when he does your cheeks heat - I’ll have to work harder then, to make sure you feel as strongly as I do.

Your mark warms, a punctuated touch of his heart to yours. 

Before you can reply he sends another message - You promise you’re not hurt at all? 

Embarrassed mostly, and my knee hurts a little, but I promise it’s nothing serious, I wouldn’t lie to you. - You reply, touching your mark gently with your fingers to send back the same warmth, the same truth of your words. 

When can I see you? I don’t think I can go days until our next schedule. 

Tonight? You can’t help yourself. 

Where? 

Your stomach flutters at the thought of being alone with him again - My place? I live alone in Seongsu. It’s nothing special, but it’s private and it’s home. 

Text me the address, I’ll find a way over. 

You tap out your address and send it through - Please don’t get in trouble trying to come by.

I won’t - He replies instantly.

  Iseul’s hand gently touches your knee and you look back up at her, “What’s up?” 

“You want a ride home from the office?” She asks, eyes flicking down at your phone briefly. 

“You don’t mind?” You ask. 

She shakes her head, “You’re on the way,” 

You nod, pulling your phone back out to send him a message - Iseul’s driving me home when we get to the office. Are you going to your apartment now?

Yes - He replies - Yeosang keeps yawning, when our managers leave and he goes to bed I’ll come by.

Aren’t you tired too? - You ask him. 

I slept on the plane - He replies, and then another message comes through - If you’re tired you can sleep, I just need to be with you right now.

I slept too - You assure him - I’ll be up. Just message me when you’re close.

I will - He says. 

You send him one last bit of instruction, a little safer if he can let himself into your place just in case anyone sees him coming by - It’s apartment 26B, Door Code is 10824*

He sends a heart in reply, and you tuck your phone back into your lap. 

Soon, you’d finally be alone. After weeks and weeks of waiting, the ache in your chest would finally be soothed.  

Even after Iseul drops you off at home, it takes him hours. By the time you get a message that he’s on his way you’ve nervously cleaned your tiny apartment three times over and ordered far too much take out just to be sure he has something to eat if he hasn’t gotten anything already. 

When you hear him keying your door code in, your heart starts to beat double time. 

He slips in quietly, dressed in a dark gray long coat, black ball cap, and black face mask, and if you didn’t know him just from the cut of his shoulders you could have easily mistaken him for just about anyone in a crowd. 

“Hey,” You feel at ease immediately, and he looks up at the sound of your voice. 

Your apartment amounts to a double wide hallway, your lofted bed above the entryway and bathroom, a small galley kitchenette along one wall, built-in storage and a desk, and then an extremely modest living space. The sight of him in your apartment is strange, he’s so tall he seems to fill up the space of the entryway, a surreal sight now that you’re home and not in random hotel rooms. 

He kicks off his shoes to leave them by the door, and then he steps up into your apartment as he pulls his mask off, crossing the room in three easy strides to get to you. 

“Hey,” He replies, his cold hands cupping your cheeks as he gets close, “there you are,” 

“Here I am,” You smile, stepping closer to him and relaxing into his touch.

 “I,” He shakes his head and his words falter a little, “I know you said you’re fine, I just… it’s nice to see for myself, I couldn’t shake that feeling,” 

You soften at that, “Oh, Yunho, I’m okay,” 

“I know,” He sighs, “I’m sorry it took me so long,” 

“It’s alright,” You slide your hands into his jacket and rest your hands on his chest, “you’re here now,” 

He folds you into his chest, wrapping his arms around you properly and cupping the back of your head with his broad hand, “I’m so glad to be home,” 

Your heart flutters, “The tour felt like years,” you murmur, nuzzling into his chest. 

“Mm,” He sighs, his body melting around you, “our managers wanted to talk about the upcoming week, and Hongjoong had schedule changes, and then Yeosang wouldn’t go to bed, he kept sitting in the living room, I thought I was going to scream,” 

”It’s fine,” You smile against his sweater, “do you have a schedule tomorrow, then?” 

“No,” He unfolds himself from around you, pulling his cap free and running a hand through his messy locks, “I’m off, I don’t have anywhere to be.” 

Warmth fills you, “For how many days?” 

“Three,” He grins. 

“Me too,”  

“Any plans?” He drops his hat and mask down onto your side table where your own keys and gloves are and steps close again.

”None,” You murmur, “sleeping,” 

“Want some company?” He wraps his hand around yours. 

“For three days?” Your eyes widen, “There’s no way you can get away for that long,” 

“I worked it out,” He says, “waiting for Yeosang to get tired,” 

“Okay,” You don’t want to let yourself be excited too soon. 

“I’ll have to go back and pick up a few things,” He tells you, “but I told my manager that my brother might be coming up to town to see me after tour,” 

“Okay,” 

”And that I might drive down to Gwangju with him,” He smiles wider, “and that he could drop me back off before schedules pick back up.” 

“Really?” Your hand tightens on his.

”Really,” He nods, “if you want me here, I’m here.” 

For a split second you feel like you could cry, relief washing through you, and you dive forward to wrap your arms around his neck, “Stay, please, stay,” 

He bends to accommodate your height difference, and ends up wrapping his arms around your back and lifting you in the air, “Good,” he sighs, “I hoped you’d say that,” 

“Yunho, thank you,” You pull back enough to find his face, “god, I missed you,” 

“Me too,” He confesses, “seeing you everyday but not really seeing you, I don’t want to do that again,” 

“It’s so much harder than I thought it would be,” 

He nods and gives you a soft smile, “We made it, though,” 

“Yeah,” 

He dips in and presses his lips to yours, and the last threads of tension unravel, everything else forgotten with his body so close to yours. Yunho sighs pleasantly, pressing close lipped, familiar kisses to your lips, before setting you back down on your feet and straightening back up to his full height. 

Your hearts feel like they’re in sync. 

He smiles at you again, and then finally glances around to take in the space around him, “Oh,” he says as he takes it in, “I like your place,” 

“It’s small,” You shrug, “but it works for me,” 

“That view,” He nods towards your floor to ceiling glass window, truly the only selling point of the apartment, “that’s something.” 

You follow his eyes to the glittering city outside and nod, “It really is,” 

It’s quiet for a moment as he takes in the view, and then he sighs and looks back to you, “It feels nice to not have to rush away,” 

You nod, “I know,” 

You’re dancing around each other again, now that there’s no deadline hanging over your heads or threat that someone might walk by. You can simply exist. 

“I’ve got takeout,” You offer, making the first move, “if you’re hungry, but if not it’ll keep,” 

He smiles, “In a bit,” 

“Let me take your coat at least,” You stretch out a hand, “get comfortable,” 

He slides it off his shoulders and folds it as he hands it to you, “Thanks,” 

You find a home for his coat in the entryway nestled on a hook next to yours, his shoes already placed neatly side by side with your sneakers. It looks so right, your life against his, and you let your fingers skate down over the back of his coat as you take it in, a smile pulling at your lips. He belongs here, in every way, and for the next three days you’d pretend his presence in your apartment was permanent, solid and immutable in the way it feels in your heart. 

His coat, his shoes, and in a flash you see it all, flickers of a real life together. Toothbrushes, coffee cups, letters in the mail, his keys kissing yours in a dish by the door, books slotted together on the shelf, clothes tangled up in the laundry basket. 

Your chest aches with need, but he just walked into your apartment for the first time, so you shake off those thoughts and turn to him, “What did you have in mind for tonight?” 

“Honestly,” He grins, “being able to talk to you face to face is as far as I let myself get,” 

“Way better than texting,” You smile back, “you want a drink? Beer? Wine?” 

“Sure,” He nods, “Beer?” 

You nod and take the two steps into the kitchenette to locate glasses and two cans of beer, calling over your shoulder, “Make yourself comfortable, are you sure you’re not hungry?”

”I’m okay,” You hear him settle onto the couch and it occurs to you that you’ve never had a man in your apartment, at least in the sense of a romantic partner. For years you were going to their places, strangely protective of your own little haven between these four walls, and yet with Yunho you feel comfortable enough already not just to let him inside, but to give him your door code without a thought.  

You blink at the realization, almost letting his glass overflow onto the countertop as you pour. How strange the last few weeks have been, how different you already are. 

“How long have you lived here?” Yunho asks, and you let the thoughts about what it all means fade into the background as you turn towards him. 

“Um,” You do the math in your head, “a few years? Almost four now,” 

“It’s a great place,” He says again. 

You leave the two empty cans on the counter and cross the room towards him, “Yeah,” you nod, “It’s small, but it’s nice and accessible, and in this area anyways I really can’t beat the rent,” 

“Mm,” He nods, “I wish I could say I know what you mean, but idol life is strange.” 

“That’s right,” You nod, “you don’t pay for your place?” 

You settle onto the small couch next to him as he answers, “It’s part of our contract so it’s provided, but if we were to leave the group before contracts are up we’d owe the money back,” 

You grimace, “That’s terrible,” 

He nods but it’s with a slight shrug, “Some companies are worse, KQ being small has its benefits in other areas so that’s never been much of a concern for us,” 

“That’s good at least,” You nod, “and they treat us pretty well, all things considered.” 

“Did you ever work anywhere else?” Yunho takes a sip of beer and makes a noise of satisfaction at the flavor. 

You smile and tuck your legs under you, angling towards him on the couch, “After cosmetology school I worked at SM for about a year,” 

“And?” He asks. 

“Awful,” You groan, “The pay was terrible, and the schedules were worse. It felt like being an intern,” 

“And then you came to KQ?” 

You sip your beer, nodding as you do, “Iseul and I went to school together, she got me in as soon as a position opened up, really vouched for me considering I had a smaller portfolio than she did at the time,” 

“I’m glad she did,” He smiles warmly.

 “What about you?” You ask, “Was KQ your first choice?” 

He turns towards you on the couch, his knees pressed against yours and he rests one arm on the back of your couch, “Not initially,” he admits, “but I had two other competing offers, and something just didn’t feel right about either. Then I met Hongjoong, and I guess you know, that’s it,” 

“A little bit of fate,” You smile. 

“Mm,” He nods, “fate, maybe luck, I don’t care what it was, I’m just happy to be with you now,” 

Your cheeks heat a little, and you look down at the popping bubbles on the surface of your drink.

”I just wish it happened sooner,” He admits, his hand sliding over the cushions to touch your forearm. 

You nod and look back up, “I know what you mean, but, maybe that’s another thing fate got right, maybe we’re finally ready for each other now.” 

He laughs, “What was the word Iseul used? Skittish?” 

You sigh, “Yeah, she’s not totally wrong. I used to have terrible taste in guys, or maybe I wasn’t comfortable opening up, I don’t know, but,” 

Yunho gives your arm a gentle squeeze, “I get it,” 

You cock your head, asking him a silent question. 

“I’ve dated a bit,” He explains, “and I always thought maybe it was me, but no matter how nice or compatible someone was on paper it was just…” 

“Dull?” You offer. 

He nods, “Like I was sleepwalking through it,” 

Your stomach bubbles with a nervous thrill, your chest constricting with anticipation, “And with me?” 

His mouth turns up in a small smile, eyes flicking from your eyes to your lips and back again, “I’m more than awake with you.” 

“Me too,” You confess.

It’s quiet for a moment, Yunho’s thumb sweeping a soft line over the veins in your wrist, and then he exhales and drops his glass off on the table.

“Yun?” 

He smiles at the abbreviation of his name and takes your glass away too, “As much as I want to talk all night, and I do, I think I might actually die if I’m not touching you after all these weeks,” 

He reaches for you, wrapping his arms around your waist and tugging you over to his half of the couch. You squeak in surprise, bracing yourself with a hand on his chest and another on the cushions, but you end up pressed up against him and almost laying across his chest. Your body relaxes into him instantly, and Yunho lets out a relieved sigh. This, this is what you had been waiting weeks and weeks to feel again, the sureness of his body under your fingertips, the way your heart seems to slow and soothe with every touch. 

 “Anyways,” His voice cracks a little, a soft smile on his face, “you were saying,” 

You’re nearly nose to nose, close enough to hear his breath, to feel the thump of his heart under your palm. His eyes flick over your face, his lips part, pupils dilating wider with every passing moment. 

You try to remember where you were in the conversation, but with him so close and his hot hands on you, it’s all like a distant memory and you laugh lightly, “I have no idea,” 

He grins, his hand brushing your face, the pad of his thumb tracing your cheekbone, and then without a single conscious thought you’re surging forwards to press your lips to his. 

Yunho groans, hands tightening on your back, and when he starts to kiss you back it’s like the catch of a match under your skin, a crackle of need through every nerve ending. He kisses you with unmasked urgency, pulling little pants and moans from your lips every time you break for a breath. 

His hands slide down, cupping your backside, and you hitch a leg over his as you push yourself higher on the couch, desperately seeking more of his hot mouth. 

“Baby,” He breathes between kisses, his tongue flicking against yours as your mouth opens to him.

 Your body rolls on instinct, pressing your clothed core against his thigh. 

He groans again, pulling your body tighter against him and shifting the position of his leg so that his foot is flat on the floor, providing a hard, stable straddle for you. 

You wish so badly in this moment you weren’t wearing jeans, uncomfortably stiff denim that doesn’t let you properly feel the heat of him, but that doesn’t stop you from rocking your body once, twice, and again as you pant against his mouth.

 His fingertips slip under the waistband of your jeans, resting on your lower back while his free hand wanders around to your front, sliding up to cup your breast, his thumb ghosting over your pebbled nipple. 

You feel dizzy, and you press back from his mouth to take a sharp inhale, “Ah, Yunho,” 

He shudders, cupping your neck and pulling you back to his mouth. Mumbled against your lips he offers, “We can talk more,” 

You shake your head, “You really want to talk, right now?” You smile, pushing yourself further onto his lap, nearly straddling him now as you dive back in for another heated kiss. 

He groans, his hands flexing as they find anchor points on your hips, and he tugs you right into place with your pelvis slotted right over his. One of his hands skims up the back of your shirt, hot skin on skin, and you moan pleasantly into his mouth. 

“Fuck, sweetheart,” He pants between wet kisses, “you’re killing me here,” 

“Yeah?” Your stomach flutters with butterflies. 

He hums a yes, tongue dipping into your mouth to catch on yours. 

You can’t stop the little whine that leaves your lips, “Oh,” you roll your hips, “Yunho,” 

His hips twitch under you, and you can feel the start of his erection as it hardens under your ass. 

“Please,” You kiss him again, pushing your hips down and clinging onto his shoulders. 

His hand snakes up higher under your shirt, and his fingers deftly close over the clasp of your bra. In a second he slides the fabric in just the right way to open the clasp, and you feel the support release as his hand slides up and down the bare expanse of your back. 

“Fuck,” He shudders, “I’m sorry, I should have asked,” 

“Shut up,” You dive back in, your fingers tugging at his sweater, “take this off,” 

He kisses you hard once more and then pulls back, and you lean away still perched on his lap while he awkwardly tugs off the sweater, tossing it to the other side of your couch. 

“Can I,” His hands slide under your shirt, circling your bare waist, his eyes tracking the way your shirt slides up, “Jesus, you’re gorgeous,” 

“Off,” You raise your arms and he slides his hands up, pushing the shirt up and over your head until he’s discarding it on the floor. 

When you look back down it nearly knocks the breath out of you. He’s staring at you like you’re a marvel, like you’re the eighth wonder of the world, and it draws your frantic pace to a blinding halt. He smiles softly, and his eyes skate down your body. Your bare neck, black bra straps loosely held on either shoulder, tattoos stretching down over your upper arms, over your elbows, stopping at mid forearm. The sheer mesh of your bra loosely cupping your breasts, nipples standing hard at attention through the fabric and the center of the underwire covering the top half of your red, looping soulmark. 

He reaches for you slowly this time, one hand sliding to the back of your neck while the other skims up and down your arm, “Can I?” He asks again, his fingers ghosting over the strap of your bra. 

You nod, breathless. 

He hooks his fingers under one side and pulls, letting the strap drop and the mesh cup falls slack. His adam's apple bobs as he swallows, and slowly he loosens the other strap, your bra falling away and landing in your laps. 

Your heart is hammering in your chest now, and your fingers tighten on the fabric of his crisp white t-shirt. 

“So beautiful, baby,” He sighs, looking back up to your eyes, “you’re so perfect,” 

You can’t find any words, the way he looks at you and touches you has you rooted to the spot. 

“Can I kiss you again?” He slides his hands over your skin, still stroking your back and sides. 

That snaps you back into reality, and you dip forwards to crash your mouth to his. 

His arms wrap around you as yours knot into his hair, both of you a panting mess as you cling to each other on your sofa. Your bodies move in sync, his hands pressing just right as you roll your hips, only this time you can feel the hot press of his cock on your cunt through layers of fabric and you both moan at the contact. 

“Yunho,” You exhale sharply, rocking again to try and catch more sensation. 

“Jesus,” He pants, his hands locking down harder. 

You shudder at the contact, and you’re about two seconds away from begging him to take you right here on the couch when he puts the brakes back on. 

His hand slides up to catch your cheek, pushing your hair back and drawing your face away from his so he can look up at you, “y/n,” he says, voice a little hoarse, “that time on the phone,” 

You nearly moan at the memory of your silent orgasm, his voice in your ear, but you manage to nod. 

“DId you,” He starts and then backtracks, “I mean, you didn’t mind, or I guess what I’m asking is you weren’t, you know, uncomfortable,” 

His cheeks are turning pink as he talks, and you have half a mind to let him muddle through the thought, but you want his mouth on yours again and you cut him off, “You mean the best orgasm I’ve had in years?” 

He blushes properly then, his ears a frighteningly dark shade of pink and he clears his throat, “So you liked it?” 

Warmth blooms in your chest and you smile, leaning closer to him, your fingers tangling into his hair again, “Yunho,” you murmur, “are you asking if you can boss me around a little?” 

You’re nose to nose again, and his eyes search yours, “A little,” he concedes. 

“Boss away,” You grin, pressing your lips back to his, but he shakes his head. 

“Slow down,” He catches your hands in his and closes them together, pulling you back from him. 

Your brow knits together, “I’m getting mixed messages,” you glance down at your bare chest.  

His eyes flick to your breasts and back up and he huffs a soft laugh, “Sorry,” he manages, “I just meant we should talk,” 

“So much talk with you,” You tease him lightly, “I think I liked the kissing,” 

“Think?” His eyebrow quirks but then he shakes his head, “You’re a flirt, you do a hell of a job distracting me,” 

“Distracting you from what?” 

He reaches up, brushing the pad of his thumb over your lips, “Stop pouting,” he says, “I’m trying to be respectful, here,” 

“I’m feeling pretty respected,” You slip one hand out of his grip and tug at his t-shirt, “kiss me again, let’s double check.” 

He laughs properly this time, shaking his head, “I don’t know if it’s a soulmate thing or a you thing, but God, you know all my buttons, already, don’t you?” 

“I’m confused,” You relax in his lap a little, arms folding over your chest to cover yourself, “we were making out and it was perfect and now,” 

He nods, “I know, let me explain,” 

You wait for him to say more, the soft silence his opening. 

“We know each other,” He finally says, “but I don’t know what you like in bed,” 

“Oh,” Your shoulders relax a little, “well, traditionally we would have sex and figure that out,”

He rolls his eyes at you a little, a smile still on his lips, “y/n,” 

“Sorry, sorry, go on,” 

His hands settle over your thighs, “Every time we touch it feels like a fire,” he confesses, “and I’m trying not to lose my mind before we have a chance to talk about any of the important things, I don’t want to cross a line, I don’t want you to feel rushed or uncomfortable with anything,” 

You sigh, about to say more but he shakes his head and continues. 

“Without talking I won’t know what you don’t want,” He says, “or even if you want tonight to be the night, if you’re on birth control or if we should use condoms,” 

The thought of that sparks a clarity in you like no other and you realize he’s right, you were both so close to losing yourselves you could have made a mistake of the whole night. You blink, nodding this time. 

“And I’m afraid if we keep going like this,” He continues, “if we go upstairs without talking, I don’t know if I’ll be strong enough to walk away without fucking you and making you mine tonight.” 

Your heart thumps in your chest. You’ve never been held like this, talked to like this, no one in your life has ever searched for your boundaries on their own quite like this, with sex or otherwise and you know suddenly with perfect truth what this night is going to be. 

You nod, and then you smile, “Can I talk now?” 

 “Please,” 

“I’m on birth control,” You start off with the easiest answer, “and I’ve been tested since my last partner, so as long as you have too we can go without condoms,” 

“I have,” He nods immediately, “it’s been a while and that’s part of our regular health screenings,” 

“Good,” You let your arms relax now, resting your hands on his shoulders as you keep going, “so that’s one thing cleared up,” 

He smiles. 

“As for the rest,” You hold his gaze, “I liked how you talked to me on the phone very much,” 

He swallows hard. 

“I’m pretty sure I know what you’re asking,” You let your thumb rub over the pulse point in his neck, “so let me be clear, I like that. I like that you want to take control, and I like that you want to tell me what to do. Very much.” 

He nods, “And,” 

“I’m not the type to do something I don’t want to,” You promise him, knowing it’s as much of a promise to yourself after everything you’ve experienced in past relationships, “if something isn’t right for me, I’ll say it.” 

His shoulders relax under your touch, “Good,” 

“My guess though,” You nudge him, “is that we’re pretty compatible if the universe thinks so too,” 

“I thought so,” He murmurs appreciatively. 

You lean a little closer to him, and his arms slide around your back to hold you as you muster up the courage for the next part of answers to his questions, “For what I like,” you start, “let’s figure out the details together.” 

He nods. 

“For what I don’t like,” You tell him softly, “um,” your voice cracks a little with nerves and discomfort, a tone you were hoping to conceal at least for tonight. 

He watches you fumble over the words, a little crease between his brows as he tries to parse out what’s behind your tone, his thumb dragging a comforting line over your vertebrae. 

You sigh heavily and tell him your boundaries in a rushed breath, “Don’t pull my hair too hard, and if I’m ever using my mouth on you, just tell me before you move, alright? We can figure the rest out as we go,” 

His expression smooths, and his eyes study yours with the start of a question. You didn’t want to go here, not for a while, but something about your connection with him or maybe even just his earnestness makes you tell him more than you ever normally would.

 Again, as he always seems to, he senses the sudden tension in your chest and simply nods before touching your cheek gently, “Anything else?” 

You shake your head. 

He watches you carefully, his touch soft, and then with easy comfort he finds a question, “Do you want to tell me?”

There’s no demand in it, no insistence, only the offer of an outstretched hand, a listening ear. The momentary tightness relaxes inside you and you shake your head, “Not tonight,” 

He wants to ask more, you can see it, but your past sexual experiences no matter how clumsy or good or borderline traumatic should have no space in your night here with him. He’s worried though, you can see that too. 

It’s quiet for a beat as you take that in, and he nudges you gently, “You okay?” 

“Mhm,” You nod, “I promise, but let’s not talk about it tonight,” 

“Alright,” He draws you close, a soft kiss to your lips. 

You return the kiss warmly, pressing the promise of later honesty into your intention and he nods, reading you with ease. 

“Yunho,” You murmur as you part, “I do want it to be tonight,” 

“You do?” He confirms, hand sliding up and down your bare back. 

“I want this,” You cup his cheek, “I want us, and I don’t want to wait anymore,” 

“Say that again,” He lets your words from a moment ago fade, focusing on what you’re telling him now. 

“I want this,” You pull at his t-shirt again, restless energy creeping its way back into your body. 

“Not that,” He dismisses, “the other thing,” 

You know just what he wants to hear, but you play dumb for just a moment, “I don’t want to wait anymore?” 

His hand tightens on your backside, “y/n,” 

“Us,” You smile, “I said I want us,” 

“That’s it,” He kisses your smile, “I like the sound of that,” 

“I want us.” You repeat for him, lips to his, “Now, please, will you take me to bed and make me yours? Or do I have to beg?” 

He groans, “Let’s go to bed,” 

“So easy,” You tease him, sliding off his lap and reaching for him. 

He pushes himself off the couch but slides his hand into yours and tugs you close again, “I’ll make you beg another time,” 

Your stomach flip flops, arousal spiking through you and he smirks at your dazed expression. 

“Cute,” He taps your nose and steps towards the stairs, “you’re sure?” 

You’re about to protest again, a heavy sigh brewing in your gut, but he clears his throat and continues. 

“On tour,” His eyes shift to the floor for a moment, “I know you were anxious about us, and we talked about waiting. I’ll… I know I want you, and I’m going to keep wanting you. I can wait if that’s what you need, we can date,” 

The one good thing about the tour and all your sleepless nights was how long you had to think about this, about him. Your initial panic and fear over logistics and what-ifs had faded in days. He’s here, standing in your apartment, so you trust your gut, and you trust fate, and decide for once in your life to let someone in. 

You step close and pull him towards you, “Yunho, I don’t want to date,” 

His eyes flick to yours, his irises dark, “You don’t,” 

“I said I want us,” You take his hands in yours and direct them to your hips, “I know what that means,” 

His eyes study yours for a moment, and then he sighs, “Good,” he pulls you up into his hold and crashes your lips together. 

This time there’s nothing between you, no schedules or secrets, no indecision or questions keeping you from letting go. With both eyes open you’re diving into each other, and nothing in the world could stop you from tying yourself to him tonight, body and soul. 

You feel him shift on the landing as you kiss, and you pant a single word against his mouth, “Bed,” 

He nods, stumbling up a few steps without breaking your lips apart, one of his hands secure on the railing to guide him upwards. 

You giggle as he tips to the side and rights himself, leaning back and looking down to see how far up he managed to get you both, “Let me down,” 

He eases you to your own step. 

“Get up here,” You tug his hand and take the familiar steps to your loft bed as quickly as you can, dragging him behind you the whole way. 

Once you hit the landing you take your hand back and start unbuttoning your jeans, but you stop at the sound of a soft thump and Yunho’s soft curse under his breath. 

Turning you realize the issue, he’s too tall for your landing’s slanted ceiling, and he must have bumped his head on the way up to your bedroom. You laugh sharply, covering your lips to stifle the sound, “Sorry,” you grin, “are you okay?” 

“Fine,” He rubs the spot, but shakes it off. 

You turn back to the bed and tug the downy comforter open, “You’re too tall, when we get our own place we’ll get high ceilings,”

Something warm floods your chest and then he’s on you again. Yunho spins you around and dips to kiss you, only this time there’s an edge to it, a neediness. He walks you back until your knees hit the edge of the mattress, and then he wraps his arms around you and pushes you down in one smooth motion. 

Yunho slots himself between your thighs, and you hitch your legs onto his hips as he presses you into the mattress with hungrier and hungrier kisses. 

His lips travel over your jaw, your throat, “You said when,” 

“Hmm?” Your brain feels cottony and light already and you turn your head just a little to hear him again. 

His hand drags down to the top of your jeans, tugging at the zipper, “You said when, not if,” 

“Yunho,” You smile, gasping as his teeth nip at your throat, “we’re about to tie ourselves together for life, did you think I haven’t thought about living with you?” 

He groans, “You’re perfect,” 

You thread your fingers through his hair, “So are you,” 

He tugs artlessly at the top of your pants and sighs, “Need these off,” 

“Take them off me,” You relax your legs, and he shifts back to stand, looping his thumbs in your belt loops so that when he tugs your jeans, they slide off in one smooth motion and drop to the floor. 

“Oh,” He says softly, getting a good look at your now bare legs and the lines of ink that cover so many inches of your skin, “wow,” 

You’ve never been self conscious about your tattoos before, not like this, and you find yourself letting your legs fall closed, “Oh?” 

”I didn’t realize you had more,” He comments but his expression softens into a smile, “they suit you,” 

“Yeah?” 

“Mm,” His hands slide up and down the plush curve of your thighs, “later you can tell me all about them,” 

Your stomach flips pleasantly. 

“Right now though,” He pushes your legs back open and drops back over you, slotting your bodies together and capturing your lips. 

You sigh pleasantly against his lips, wrapping your limbs around him and drawing him closer, and when his hips drop just enough for your core to press firmly against the front of his jeans you moan. 

Yunho groans, his hands wandering. 

You roll your hips, pressing yourself more firmly against the hard bulge of his clothed cock, “S-shirt off,” you pant, tugging at the fabric. 

He reaches back with one hand and grabs the back of his t-shirt and tugs, yanking it free with ease with only the briefest interruptions to your locked lips. When he presses closer to you this time, your bare chest is pressed against his. 

Your brain feels like dizzy stars, like someone picked you up and turned you around in endless circles until you couldn’t help but stagger in his direction, falling over yourself to hold onto him. His hips thrust gently, pushing his hardness insistently at your cunt and you moan into his mouth, your hot breath mingling together in panting sighs. 

“Yunho,” You whine, your core pulsating with need. 

“Yes, pretty girl?” He smiles against your lips, his hand skimming over the curve of your breast, down your side to anchor on your hip. 

You can’t wait anymore, if you do you might combust, and you reach between your bodies to tug at his belt buckle. 

He huffs a laugh, “Yeah?” 

“Please,” You work the leather loop free, “I’m way more naked than you,” 

“Patience,” He nips at your lip. 

His button is open with a frantic tug of your fingers, then his zipper, “I’ve been patient,” you push at his jeans, “baby, please, I need you,” 

“I need you too,” He balances himself on one hand braced on the bed, shimmying out of his pants, and you hook your fingers in the elastic of his boxer briefs to push at those too. 

“Please,” You find yourself begging so easily at the thought of this man pushing inside you. 

“Relax,” He kisses your forehead, tapping your hand out of the way so he can take off his own underwear, “I got it,” 

You ease back on the bed, but between the space of your bodies you watch him. Your mouth runs dry when he’s finally bare for you, and your heartbeat starts to pick up. 

The size of him is intimidating to say the least. He’s long, at least nine or ten inches if you were guessing, but what’s more is how thick he is. His cock is heavy, the kind you’d see in porn and wonder how the women on screen could take it. You can see every vein, the way it stands perfectly straight, the velvety mushroom head already dark pink and slick with the first few beads of precum. 

Yunho settles back above you, his hot, thick length resting on the top of your pubic mound, only the thin cotton of your panties keeping you from feeling him fully. 

”God,” You breathe, still taking him in, “I hope you’re good at foreplay,” 

He squeezes your hip, “We’ll take it slow,” 

You nod, still fixated on the sight of him between your legs, and you try not to think about how far up your stomach his cock comes and what that means for when he tries to put it inside you. Instead you focus on the fact that he’s yours, “We were made for each other right?” You joke softly, “I can take you,” 

He smooths your hair back and tilts your head up, finding your eyes, “We’ll go slow,” he reiterates, “have you ever been with someone my size? Or used any toys like that?” 

For all the sex you’ve had, his question makes you feel a bit like a blushing virgin and you shake your head. 

Something flashes in his eyes, and you feel the twitch of his cock against you. 

“You like that?” You bite the inside of your lip to keep from teasing him too much. 

He brushes past your question, “Let me warm you up,” 

Easy relief blooms in your chest, your muscles starting to relax, and he settles his body over you properly to take you right back into a tender kiss. You can feel him hard and present between you, but he distracts you with open mouthed kisses, his hands exploring you slowly until your hips are twitching on their own. 

You’re dripping wet, there’s no way you’re not soaking through the thin fabric of your panties, but his kisses continue like that’s the last thought in his mind. He makes his way across your jaw, sliding lower down your body as he lavishes attention on your neck, over the jut of your collarbones, across the smooth plane of your chest and tops of your breasts. 

“Oh, yes,” Your voice is breathy as he slides even lower in the bed between your thighs, his mouth skimming over the swell of your tits, ghosting past your nipples. 

“You’re so beautiful,” He murmurs, hands cupping your chest and drawing your breasts together, his teeth sink into his lower lip at the sight. 

“Y-yeah?” Your hips arch beneath him, “You like me?” 

A smile tugs at his lips, one hand sliding up to your cheek as he looks up, “I more than like you, y/n,” 

Your breath is caught in your throat, your heart quickening in your chest. 

Yunho smiles a little at that, feeling the echo of your emotions himself, and then he dips his face to kiss your chest again. This time his lips travel in a smooth, reverent line down your sternum until you feel his breath against your looped tattoo. 

Pleasure sparks inside you and you moan softly, one of your hands threading into the back of his hair. 

He hums pleasantly, and then kisses your mark. 

“Yunho,” You sigh, heat flooding your body. 

He kisses you again, pressing a peck to each of the four corners of the knotted diamond, before centering another again and pouring every ounce of his feeling into it through the link. This time, he murmurs what you already know against your skin, “I love you,” 

Tears gather in your eyes, the feeling spilling over into you so all encompassing that it fells you. You tremble in his arms, your eyes locked to the white ceiling above you as you try desperately to steady yourself in the wave of emotion and sensation. 

His kisses start to travel lower, and your fingers card through his hair, “Y-Yunho, I,” 

“Shh,” He shakes his head, lips moving down over your belly as he shifts lower, “just relax,” 

A little piece of you wants to protest, wants to tell him that you love him too, but he settles between your thighs and slides your legs open wider to accommodate his broad shoulders, and every coherent thought flutters right out of your brain. 

Yunho kisses your inner thigh, easing himself into the perfect position, and then he wraps his arms around your hips under your splayed thighs, one hand braced on your rib cage and the other closing over your abdomen. 

His nose gently, gently nuzzles against your clothed mound and you hear him breathe you in. 

You shudder, moaning softly, your hand finding his hair once again. 

“I’ll take good care of you,” He murmurs low, kissing your cunt, “I love you so much,” 

“Oh,” Your breath catches as he tastes you through the fabric of you underwear, “p-please,” 

His hand on your abdomen shifts, and he reaches between your thighs to tug your underwear to one side, hooking it under his thumb to hold it in place. You gasp as his warm breath caresses your slit, your hand sliding to brace his shoulder. 

“I got you,” He soothes you, his free hand sliding up and down on your ribs, “I promise,” 

A needy sound stutters from your throat. 

At the first swipe of his tongue through your slick folds, Yunho groans and you start to tremble properly in his hold. It feels like liquid fire, better than any touch you’ve ever felt, partner, toy, or or own fingers. Yunho’s lips, his tongue, each little brush of his fingers, every bit of him feels like it was divined for you, and you won’t last a minute. 

“Feel good?” He checks, sliding his tongue through your lower lips again. 

“Incredible,” You pant, your hips canting to try and catch more sensation, “I, I c-can’t,” 

He chuckles, the vibrations running straight up your body, “You taste like heaven, baby,” 

Moaning, you grip down on his shoulder. 

“Mm,” He dives in properly, nestling close and all but kissing your cunt, “god,” 

His tongue drives any coherent thoughts out of your head as he gets the feel for your body, the firm tip sliding over your clit and making you jolt under his hands. 

“Y-yes,” You manage, nodding into the pillows. 

“Here?” He breathes, flicking your swollen clit again. 

“Oh, yes, god,” You grip the sheets. 

He hums, his hands tightening on your skin, and then he closes his lips over your bud and sucks. 

“Oh!” You arch back, hand flying up to catch his head and brace yourself, “Fuck, fuck,” 

He stays steady this time, sucking and lapping at you in a perfect rhythm, holding you in place as he finds the perfect combination to have you scrambling in the sheets. 

“Baby,” You moan, the word turning into a heady whine. 

He groans against you, dragging you tighter to his mouth with a flex of his arms. Your head spins as you slide down the mattress, a bubble of taut pleasure building inside you fast and hot. 

“Please,” You moan, your back arching as he delivers a sharp suck. 

His broad hand slides up from its place anchored on your side to cup your breast, and you look down to watch him move. His fingers deftly find your nipple, twisting and pinching gently, and as he takes a breath between licks and sucks to your dripping cunt, his eyes flash up and meet yours. 

A smile flicks across his wet face, and your eyes roll as you collapse back into the bedding to let him work. 

“That’s it,” He huffs as he sucks in another breath, tongue diving back inside you, pulsing and thrusting. 

Your thighs start to shake, your body jerks on its own, and he finds the perfect tempo to take you through - his thumb swiping sharply over your nipple back and forth, his mouth working you up higher and higher with a sustained pressure. 

The bubble of pleasure arcs up your spine and then settles back down, low in your belly, and you gasp sharply, “God, oh, god,” 

He doesn’t say a word, doesn’t change a single thing, he stays steady and that brings you right up to the very edge. 

“I’m,” Your eyes snap shut, your body shuddering, “I’m, c-coming, Yunho, I’m… baby, I’m,” 

He moans through your babbled pleas, and then you break apart beneath him. Your orgasm crashes into you like a wall of heat, and your body wrenches up tight into fits and starts, legs snapping shut around his ears, fingers knotted in his hair, your free hand braced on the wall behind you as your body jerks itself in rolling grinds against his eager mouth. 

He eases you through it, transitioning from sucks to lazy licks with the flat of his tongue, until you’re boneless and melted under him, your legs falling slack open as your eyes stay unfocused on the ceiling. 

“Okay,” His low voice comes back to you, and you feel his hands smoothing over your trembling thighs, a kiss to your knee, “that’s it,” 

A shiver runs through you, your body suddenly cold at the lack of contact and you take in a sharp breath. 

“I got you,” He shifts over your legs, crawling up the bed so he can collapse along your one side, and he wraps you up in his arm. 

His cheeks are pleasantly pink, hair a chaotic haystack, his mouth is still glistening from your slick wetness, and he grins down at you breathlessly, “Hey,” 

“H-hi,” You sigh. 

“Feeling good?” He cups your face, thumb brushing over your cheekbone. 

You nod, relaxing into his touch, “Mhm,” 

“Good,” He presses a warm kiss to your forehead and draws you into him to let you recover. 

You melt into his touch, cheek to chest. 

Yunho brushes his fingers up and down your spine and gets his own breath back. 

After a few more moments, you sigh, shaking out the post-orgasm haze and kiss his skin, “I’d say I’m warmed up now,” 

He huffs a laugh into your hair, “Eager,” 

“Aren’t you?” Your hand slides over his bare side. 

“I am,” He squeezes you.

Feeling starts to come back into your body and you smile, wriggling in his arms until you’re in a better position and able to follow his earlier lead. You nip gently at his chest and pepper him with kisses, and you smile when you hear his contented sigh and pleased hum. His fingers slide up and down your back as you try to give him a taste of every sensation he gave to you. 

At his mark, you follow his kisses exactly, and you feel him twitch, his hard length pressing into your belly where you have his cock trapped between your bodies. 

You linger here a moment, “You feel that?” 

At your punctuated kiss against his soul mark he sighs, “I can feel you,” 

You nod, nuzzling into him, “You’re mine,” 

“Completely,” 

“I’m yours,” You murmur, promising him the same. 

“Mine,” He breathes. 

Your kisses travel lower as you work your way down the smooth plane of his abdomen, his muscles twitching under your lips, but as you settle yourself over his hips and work your mouth closer and closer to the base of his cock he shifts under you. 

“Hey,” He catches your hands, closing them in his own, “I’m fine,” 

“I want to,” You smile, a tender kiss to the underside of his shaft before you let your tongue trace up the seam of his thick member. 

He gasps, hips twitching, but he shakes his head, “Wait, wait,” 

You pull back immediately and look up, a swirl of feelings knotting in your gut, “What?” 

He swallows hard and slides his hands up your arms, hooking under your upper arms so he can tug you back up to lie next to him eye to eye, “Not tonight,” 

“I want to make you feel good,” Your hand snakes between you, searching for him. 

“You do,” He sighs as your hand closes around him, “you are, but after what you said,” 

It feels like a bucket of cold water and your hand falls away from his cock. You hate your ex so much for being anywhere near your head at this moment with this man, but he is. He never hurt you, but the way he pressured you and pushed you into things you weren’t ready for has been an ever present shadow in your sex life even now, years and multiple partners later. 

Yunho kisses your lips and tries to keep his tone light, “Another time,” he tells you, “I don’t want to hurt you,” 

“It’s not,” You fumble over your words again, “it’s not bad, I’m alright, I want to,” 

He smiles and shakes his head, “I’d be more comfortable,” 

That takes the wind right out of your sails, and you sink into him, “Oh,” 

“You want to make me feel good?” He asks. 

You nod. 

His hand slides down your arm, drawing your own hand to his aching cock, and he closes your fingers around it, “Touch me, then, we’ll have time for the rest later,” 

He’s hot in your hand and you take in the weight of him as you slide your fist up and down to explore him. 

He groans, “Again,” 

You pump your hand once more, base to tip, rolling your wrist experimentally this time as you work his tip. Leaving any thoughts of the past behind, you focus on him entirely. 

“You’re s-so good at this already,” He sighs, “just like that,” 

Your bodies shift to accommodate, he cuddles you closer with one arm wrapped around you and your legs tangled together, and slowly you start to learn his body too. The way he twitches as your fist drops down to the base and squeezes, his gasp when your knuckle brushes up over the seam of his cockhead. His eyes blow wide when your thumb collects a bead of precum to rub up and down his shaft, and he moans when your fingers tighten and release. 

His free hand snakes between your bodies, finding your slippery center again like he’s been touching you for years. 

“Oh, Yunho,” You part your thighs. 

He groans, eyes slipping closed for a moment, “You’re so wet,” 

You moan as he slides his fingers lower, teasing your entrance with his fingertips. 

“Needy,” He murmurs. 

You do your best to focus on him, but the pressure of his fingers at your wet opening has you jerking your hips. Your hand tightens on his shaft and he sucks in a sharp breath, nodding. His cock feels so right in your hand, thick and pulsing, and you shiver, “I should have known you’d be huge,” you giggle against his shoulder. 

He smirks, “Yeah?” 

“You’re tall,” You start. 

He pulls his fingers back away from your pussy, dragging the pads of his fingertips over your clit as he does and you moan, a whiny needy sound from the center of your throat. 

“Not all tall guys,” He starts to say but you pump your hand just right and he curses. 

“Mm,” You slide closer to him if at all possible, “but you’re big everywhere,” 

You punctuate your words with a gentle tease of his cockhead, the pad of your thumb rubbing a circle into the seam that made him pant before, and he twitches, his eyes rolling. 

He swallows tightly and smiles, “Am I?” 

“Mhm,” You nip his chest lightly with your teeth, pumping your hand again nice and slow, “big feet, big hands…” 

“Been thinking a lot about my hands, sweetheart?” He teases, dragging his nails lightly up and down your thigh. 

“Shut up,” You duck your face, planning to double down your efforts on his cock, but he pushes your hand away and rolls you smoothly onto your back. You drop back with a squeak, your eyes flying up to his. 

“You have,” He teases, sliding his palm down your body, a slow and torturous pace on the path to your cunt once again. 

“Maybe,” 

”Fantasizing about my fingers?” His voice is low, warm in his chest, and he slowly presses his middle finger over your clit. 

“Oh, fuck,” Your head drops back, eyes finding the ceiling once again only this time Yunho makes a soft noise, his tongue against his teeth and he shakes his head. 

“Don’t be embarrassed,” He murmurs, his fingers rocking gently over your swollen bud. 

You are a little, but there’s something in his tone that tells you he likes it and you think about the way his eyes flashed at the idea of being your first partner his size. With every little touch you’ve been figuring him out, and this suddenly feels like he’s allowing himself to want you in the way he needs. If he wasn’t so good at pressing all your buttons you’d try to tease him again, but when you meet his eyes and see the heat behind them, all you can do is melt. 

His next words leave you breathless, “I fantasize about you,” 

“Y-you do?” 

“All the time,” He nods, his hand between your thighs getting bolder as he explores your wet folds. 

“Please,” Your hips arch as the tips of his fingers pass over your entrance again. 

“Oh baby,” He groans, and you feel his hard cock twitch against your thigh, “you need it?” 

You nod, reaching down to find his wrist, tugging him to communicate while your head feels so full of fuzzy pleasure. 

“Fuck it,” He bites his lip as he looks down at you squirming in the sheets, “I’ll tease you later,” 

“Thank g-,” The words die on your lips, punched out of you when he slides two of his impossibly long fingers deep into your cunt in one push. 

He doesn’t wait for you to beg this time, with his eyes glued to your every expression, he reads your pleasure and starts to pulse his hand, pumping his fingers in and out of your fluttering core with strong, steady strokes. 

“Yes, yes,” Your legs widen, and you collapse into his shoulder, “oh my god,” 

His fingers feel thick and warm in your cunt, crooked just right to reach spots you could only hit with toys, and even then the feeling of those pale in comparison to him. 

“I knew you’d feel good,” He pushes your legs open wide with his free hand, “can’t wait to have you wrapped around my cock,” 

Pleasure arcs up your spine and you moan, your hand flying to his bicep and gripping down hard, “Fuck,” 

He presses a kiss to your shoulder as he adjusts his position and in torturously slow pumps of his hand, he starts to work you open. He scissors his fingers wide as draws them out, and when you feel him push in a third finger as deep as he can go, you shudder against the sheets. 

“So tight,” He murmurs, the words sounding like praise on his lips, “you’re squeezing my fingers, pretty girl,”

Your cunt clenches in response and he chuckles. 

“Exactly like that,” He smiles and thrusts his fingers in and out again, increasing his pace as your breath starts to quicken. 

“Y-Yunho,” You jerk against him, the bubble of a building orgasm once again gathering low in your gut and you scramble in the sheets until you’re legs are open as wide as possible, one leg hitched over his. You can’t stop watching him now, the lean muscle of his arm, the way the tendons in his forearm twitch with his movements. Pushing up on your forearms you catch sight of his index, middle, and ring fingers gathered tightly together, glistening with your wetness as they plunge in and out of your fluttering cunt. 

“So beautiful,” He groans, kissing your temple and wrapping his free arm around your back to adjust to the position change, giving his arm enough leverage that he can keep thrusting in and out. 

You moan at the heady sensation of his fingers at your g-spot, hips pushing down into his hand. 

“Want you to come again,” He says hotly against your hair.

 You nod, heels digging into the mattress as your body jerks, needily meeting each stroke of his fingers with your hips. 

“Tell me,” He says. 

“H-harder,” You beg him, sensation cascading through you, “harder, baby, please,” 

“God, yes,” He adjusts, and suddenly you’re pinned back to the mattress flat on your back, one of Yunho’s broad hands stretched wide on your sternum to pin you in place as he fucks you open with the other. 

Perfect, almost painful pleasure has your eyes slamming shut and a desperate whine on your lips, “Oh, oh, oh,” each push in of his fingers punches out a breathy moan, your pussy fluttering as he draws you up to the peak. 

“Tell me you’re close,” He pants, “I want to hear it,” 

Your nerve endings light up, your body arching under the hard press of his hand, “I’m so close, I’m so f-fucking close,” 

“Come for me, baby,” 

Your nails dig into his thigh, the pressure mounting inside you, “Again,” you manage, begging for more. 

His fingers curl, just a little more, “Come,” he says it again, only this time his tone is sharper, deeper and more direct. It’s not a question, not a wish or a hope, it’s a command. 

Your free hand claps over your mouth, stifling a moan and you bite down on the fleshy heel of your hand to keep from screaming. 

“Come,” He holds you steady, “that’s it, let go, let it all go, baby,” 

Your body erupts into ecstatic shakes, pleasure rolling through in wave after wave, but all you can do is let it. 

“Just like that,” He groans, “fuck yes,” 

This time, as your orgasm starts to abate, he doesn’t kiss you tenderly or wrap you up for a cuddle, this time he’s just as frantic as you are. 

“I need you,” He pants, his body over top of yours once again, “y/n, fuck,” 

You blink hard, still a trembling mess, and you see his own desperate expression. His cheeks are pink, brow slick with sweat, pupils dilated with desire as he opens your legs and crowds you with his body. 

“T-talk to me,” He manages, his hand directing his weeping cock to your throbbing entrance, “tell me you still want this,” 

“I want this,” You reach for him, wrapping your arms around his neck and tugging him closer, “I want you,” 

“God,” He’s shaking, his body taut like a rubber band about to snap, and somewhere inside you you can feel the amount of self control he’s exhibiting just to go slowly. 

You moan sharply when his tip drags over your throbbing clit. 

“You’re so wet,” He pants, watching between your bodies as he slicks the head of his cock between your folds. 

“For you,” You breathe, your head feeling cottony. 

“So pretty,” The head of his cock nudges against your entrance and you shiver. 

Need sparks through you, “Please,” you tug at his hip, just a little and he smiles. 

“Tell me if I need to stop,” He manages, his weight collapsing a little as he slowly starts to push his hips forwards. 

You gasp as you start to feel him, your cunt still swollen and pulsing from two back to back orgasms, and his eyes snap up. 

Yunho watches your face carefully as he moves, his body strung tight as he tries to hold onto a thread of composure. It feels normal at the start, but as he pushes in past the head, you feel yourself start to stretch wide in a way you’ve never experienced and your breath starts to quicken. 

“Oh, fuck,” You look between your bodies, watching his slow sink into your wet heat, and swallow tightly at just how much of him is left to take. 

“You okay?” He asks breathlessly.

“Uh-huh,” You manage, “I can feel everything, but god, don't stop,”

He hisses, gripping your thigh with his free hand, fingers still slick with your juices, fighting the urge to lose himself. His tongue darts out to wet his lips, his eyes flicking over the expression of tight pleasure on your face.  

“Don’t you dare pull out,” You grip down on his shoulders and roll your hips roll a bit, taking him in another inch, “you feel so good,” 

He lets out a heady breath, and moves in just a bit more, “Yeah?” 

“Never felt anything this good,” You moan as he pushes in further, your walls fluttering and clamping around his hot length. 

He rolls his hips this time, just a little experiment to drag himself in and out without fucking into you fully, and he moans when your muscles lock pleasantly around him, “God, you really were made for me,” 

“Yours,” You say it like a vow, and in a strange way somewhere in the back of your mind you know it is. A dizzy promise in an almost marriage bed as your bodies sink together. 

His breath hitches, cock shifting inside you, his head dropping so that you’re forehead to forehead, “And yours,” he agrees softly. 

Your body feels hot suddenly, hotter than before, everything a hazy glow in the dim lighting of your bedroom. You feel all at once like you’re in the moments before a wave, the sudden suck back of the water with all the sand slipping away from underneath your feet, leaving you unsteady and sinking into the earth. Your ears catch with a dull ring. 

Your breath is comes quickly now, warmth flushing your chest and cheeks, and your nails tighten on his skin, “Yunho,” 

He adjusts to meet your gaze, and you realize he’s feeling exactly what you are, the thrumming sensation of it all but swirling around you in the air. He blinks hard, “I’m.. I need,” 

You understand him without words, you know exactly what he needs because you need it too. Through the fog of sensation, you pull lightly on his shoulders and hitch your calves on his hips, drawing him in deeper, “Please,” 

His hips drop, seating himself just a little more and you moan at the stretching sensation. He’s holding himself back, clinging to the one clear thought that he promised he’d take care of you, but his resolve is crumbing apart before your eyes. 

“Yunho,” You cup his cheek, begging him with your expression to let go, “I need you,” 

He swallows hard, his chest flushed red, a bead of sweat rolling down his temple. 

The words flood out of you, a whispered confession just for him, “I love you, please,” 

He exhales in a rush, a wide smile breaking across his face, his eyes shining, and without any more hesitation he thrusts forwards and sinks his full length inside you. 

You moan sharply, wrapping your arms around him as he drops his body down on yours, sweat slick skin pressed flush together. The hot dizziness grows, and he finds your lips, moaning against your mouth as he kisses you hard. Your bodies start to move in sync, a tandem push and pull as he rolls into the cradle of your hips, your breath tangled together as you rock in the sheets. 

Yunho leans his forehead against yours, pumping his hips slow and firm, “I love you,” 

The sensation grows, filling the air around you and a chill rushes up your spine, the hair on your arms standing up at attention, the magnetic pull between your bodies so forceful you don’t think a single thing in the world could drag you away from him. Emotion rocks through the link, and then all at once you feel it snap into place. 

Your tattoo burns, the brand igniting just like when you touched his cheek for the first time, and you suck in a sharp breath. Yunho’s hips stutter in pace, sinking himself deep until your bodies are nestled together with every inch of him buried inside you. 

He’s breathing heavy, arms wrapped tight around you, hands trembling, “I can feel you,” he leans up an inch, smoothing your hair back from your face, “you’re,” 

His words die on his lips but he touches his chest and you nod, you feel him too. One single heartbeat, one breath. The link before was nothing, a mere echo of this, a blurry photograph now sharply in focus, and you reach up to brush your fingers along his cheek, his lips, a ghost of the sensation along your own face. 

“How is this real?” Tears prick at your eyes. You’ve seen the movies, read the books, you’ve talked to people who have found their soulmates before, but nothing could have prepared you for this. You feel him inside you as if he were a part of you, his skin your skin, his emotions, even the shape of his thoughts.  

You understand all at once why people say it’s possible to die of a broken heart. If you ever lost him, lost this… 

“I’m here,” He interrupts your internal spiral, dipping to press a kiss to your lips, “I’m not going anywhere,” 

“How did you,” You shake your head in strange awe of the feeling, “what is this?” 

“I don’t know,” He kisses you again, “I just knew, I felt it,” 

Tears spill over, snaking back into your hairline, and you press your palm to his chest, sliding down over his tattoo. Words fail you, all you can feel is the overwhelming breadth of your souls together. How could anyone live without this, how could anyone believe this isn’t real?

“Don’t cry,” He soothes, wiping the tears from your temples with his thumb. 

“I’m happy,” You manage, finding his eyes again, “Yunho, I’m so happy,” 

He grins, his breath catching in his throat as he lets his forehead rest on yours again and he nods, “Me too,” 

His love thrums through you, tangible and solid, a truth you didn’t know you could have. You’re grinning too now, an elated laugh on your lips as you wrap your arms around him, “Fuck,” you thread your fingers in his hair, nuzzling into him, “you love me,” 

“So much,” He confesses quietly, “I didn’t know I could love someone like this,” 

“Me too,” You press your lips to his, sighing into him, “I love you too,” 

The kisses feel like his love actualized, nothing more true than his mouth, his need, and yours reflected back in the mirror of his desire. You moan as another wave of heat floods through you, and Yunho shudders.

For a moment, there’s nothing more to say, tangled together in your bed in the middle of Seoul, time seemingly standing still just for you. Tightly locked together, you both start to move again. Each slow pump of his hips down is met with an upward roll of yours, his cock slowly stroking in and out of your pulsing center, your arms wrapped around each other as you pant and moan. 

You crumble apart together, still deep beneath the dizzy waves, his mouth hot against your ear as he releases inside you, your cunt fluttering and spasming around him, drawing him in, holding him inside.

**this part was too long for tumblr's new word count guidelines! please check out the second half of this part, here!

[captain-joongz]

Ssobin and public sex😩😩😩

ignore this if it makes u uncomfortable,,, I couldn’t find the guidelines

hello darling, don't worry, you definitely didn't make me uncomfortable. you don't have to be afraid to send in anything, if i don't feel comfortable writing it, i'll let you know and write something similar <3 you'll quickly find i'm open to maaaaany things ;))

but i don't mind writing public sex, plus i think Soobin is the type who would be into it haha. i wasn't sure how public you wanted it, so i hope you'll like this!

warnings: public sex, pervy Soob, unprotected sex, cum play

we all know that even though Soobin tries to seem like the unassuming innocent naive type, he's a little pervert. he likes to pretend, but no one is fooled by him, especially when he starts smirking up a storm or uttering double-meaning jokes with a mischievous glint in his eyes

that's why i can totally imagine boyfriend!Soobin taking you on a cute picnic date to the park, but quickly losing all his will faced with your cute little skirt. seeing you sitting on the blanket and squirming around because the clothing is so short you can't even sit comfortably without flashing your underwear, it's slowly driving him up the wall

originally it wouldn't even be a part of his plans - he definitely wasn't expecting to find himself willing away a boner because he was thinking about fucking in the middle of a public park while you happily chattered by his side, holding onto the blanket and gushing about how cute and romantic the date was going to be

but now he suddenly had a new goal - to find the most remote spot where the chances of other people coming up on you were almost zero, because he couldn't go through the whole day without at least slipping his fingers into you

at first you were oblivious to your boyfriend's plight, noting his squirming and his dark eyes, but he seemed completely normal, talking to you like always, and if it wasn't for the occasional glance to your exposed legs, you wouldn't even notice something was going on in that naughty brain of his. he only started pushing up on you after the food was all gone and you two had started to relax into the blanket

a finger or two, trailing up and down your naked thigh, nothing unusual. Soobin's hitching breath and excited eyes, also something you'd gotten used to over the time - the man seemed to be always fired up, especially around you. it was when the fingers smoothly slipped between your thighs and pressed against the seat of your panties your breath hitched and liquid fire started coursing through your veins

Soobin didn't expect you to give in so easily, didn't expect you to shyly look around to check you were still alone before spreading your legs for him, and it had such potent lust barreling through him he physically felt the front of his pants getting tighter. sinking those naughty fingers into was never easier, and he was getting tunnel vision, only thinking about making you cum right here, in the middle of a park. and you, it was to shameful to admit out loud, but you've never felt wetter, the anticipation and adrenaline stoking your arousal higher and higher

actually, you had to bite your lip to stop the embarrassingly loud moan from falling out your lips the moment Soobin fit his long boney fingers inside and started enthusiastically pumping them into you, immediately driving you closer towards the edge with how excited the both of you were

and Soobin thought that fingering you would be enough for him, but you were so good for him, accepting him so easily, and he was so hard. he needed you, he needed to slide inside that pretty tight cunt of yours, and he needed it now

you did panic a little when he suddenly pulled his hand away and pulled you until you were lying on your front, lying over you and pressing himself close. after all, hands in pants could easily be hidden, but now if someone wandered over here, there was no getting out of it - were you really about to risk that much?

yes, yes you were, and you loved it

arching your back and pushing your ass into his hardened crotch, Soobin got the memo to get on with it, quickly so the chances of someone finding you were even smaller. he didn't waste time and quickly undid his pants, sliding them down just enough to take out his cock, and pushing your panties to the side he started cramming himself into you

it went easier than you two anticipated, with how wet you were, and soon Soobin was quickly thrusting into you, fucking you into the blanket while you both attempted to maintain look out, but were spiralling into the all-consuming pleasure too hard

you heard the man's eager grunts in your neck as his pace spiralled out of control, just chasing both of your orgasms, and you were so close too, the public setting pushing into you the sense of wrongness and urgency that had you throbbing and clenching around Soobin's cock sooner than you'd care to admit

the orgasms hit you like a brick wall, and you barely managed to swallow that raspy desperate moan clawing its way out as Soobin's hands gripped your hips tighter and he barreled into you harder and faster, pressing you into the ground before you felt his throbbing cock jerk inside of you and he was cumming with a quiet drawn out whine

lying back on the blanket side by side and watching each other's red blushing cheeks and thrilled smiles had the pleasure burning through you longer, and you were only just settling back into your body after one of the fiercest orgasms you had in recent memory. and judging by Soobin's fucked out hazy eyes, it was quite similar for him

but he wasn't quite done yet - when he went to clean up, he just pushed your panties back into place, leaving his still warm load nice and deep inside your cunt.

"be good for me baby, and hold that nicely till we get home"

with a wink he was done, sitting back on his side like nothing happened

and when only a few minutes later a dog owner passed by, you were thanking god with blushing cheeks that you managed to have your sweet cake and eat it too

and we're back!!! second day of hard hours kicking off with this fun ask! hope you enjoyed yourself!

i'll be breathlessly awaiting more, i'm so curious about your fantasies guys <3

divider from @cafekitsune

[thestraybunny]

As long as I am with you||K.SY

Pairing: Choreographer!KwonSoonyoung x AFAB!reader WC: 8.5K Genre: Non-idol AU, Romance, established relationship Rating: M (18+, MDNI) Warning: Drinking, Smut, Fluff, Cute Hoshi, Cheesy Pet Names, funny, Sweet moment, oral (both receiving), protected sex, a little gagging, a little crushing between the thighs, cute, So in love it's stupid, dancing, snow, Hoshi just being amazingly adorable.

Summary: You two just fit together, six months together and you both are crazy for each other. Its the first snow, and Soonyoung wanted to share something special with you.

A/N: Part of my Seventeen K-Series and is written similar to Mingyu's. I had this idea since November, but didn't get to write this out until now. And really a week late too, but as I mentioned in my pinned post, I work full time and a mom. But it's finally out and I'm proud of it. I adore Hoshi, and wanted to write something cute for him but also something dirty. I think this is a good balance. *minors and no ages in bio will be blocked* Thank you to @gam3bo17 for beta reading and helping me with this.

Rules&Guidelines Series Masterlist Full Fic masterlist

When Soonyoung first started bringing you around, it was honestly a surprise to his friend group, treating your new presence like it was biggest event at the time. According to them all, mainly Seungkwan and Seokmin, he had been habitually single for a few years before you two had met. It wasn’t from the lack of trying on his part, he had protested, he was just shy around women. Especially romantically.

Though the two younger men, or anyone from the group for the matter, wouldn’t say it was completely that. He did well once he got to talking to them, able to get dates and even was able to get one to go home with him for the night sometimes. He was a great guy and treats the women he dates well, but they all chalked it up to his obsession with tigers since they couldn’t think of anything else. Or the belief that he is an actual tiger. While he said it was a joke, no one else was too convinced of this. Probably because they all had proof that would say otherwise too.

It tended to be the dealbreaker for many, but not you though.

It actually was something you found endearing, and it didn’t at all take from the sweet man that swept you off your feet. It just made you adore him more, and made you feel a little better about your own two little obsessions. Like your love of leopards and the color purple.

Ones he also found endearing, adorable, and didn’t stop him from becoming so enamored by you. Simply because Kwon Soonyoung adored you and everything about you.

You were his little leopard, as he was your tiger.

This relationship the balance you both needed.

“You two are so adorable, it’s sickening,” Wonwoo’s girlfriend spoke up, her words nothing but a sweet tease by her giggling, and nothing negative. She had been leaning against her boyfriend’s chest in their seats, watching at the two of you went off into your own little world for a moment. Giggling over something he had whispered in your ear, and kept sneaking kisses, as if you haven’t been sitting at a table full of other couples. Taking a sip of her water, she cast a glance toward her glasses wielding boyfriend. “Why aren’t we like that?”

“Anyone want another round of BBQ?” Wonwoo didn’t miss a beat, looking around the table of the remaining couples, playfully pushing her head to the side in the process. This earned a round of laughter, even from his girlfriend herself, and he made sure to kiss her on her temple. His way of showing public affection.

“They’re still in the honeymoon stage of their relationship.” Kaiya, Jihoon’s girlfriend, answered with a bored tone. Her attention was mainly on whatever she was doing on her phone, while Jihoon’s hand just rested on the back of her chair, with his attention actually on the group. “Just wait, they’ll be out of it in no time just like the rest of us.”

“We’re still very much in our honeymoon stage, trust me,” Wonwoo answered, everyone but Kaiya could see the sharp look he shot her, even though his voice didn’t give away his annoyance with her. His girlfriend nodded in agreement with him, “I’m just not the type that displays it publicly.”

“You guys are just as adorable,” You return her compliment with a smile, your hand reaching across the table to give her wrist a small squeeze. Choosing to ignore Kaiya’s cynical attitude. Your shoulder then shot up when Soonyoung had decided this was a good moment to nip at your ear with a growl. “Soonyoung!”

“Let’s get out of here,” He murmurs into your ear, maneuvering so he still was able to get to your ear to nip at it again. It was only loud enough so you could hear, “I wanna get you home and in bed.”

“We’re going to have to pass on that next round. I have an early morning, and I need my tiger to escort me safely,” You were the one to announce your departure, covering your mouth while feigning a yawn. Though it wasn’t very convincing since Soonyoung was eagerly poking you to leave quicker, giving away the real reason the two of you were leaving.

“I really hope that you both don’t actually roleplay as animals in the bedroom.” Mingyu said from behind his pint of beer, him and his own girlfriend sitting in a similar manner as Wonwoo and his.

“We wear costumes too. Wanna see mine sometime? It’s a tiger striped thong with ears.” Soonyoung shot back while the two of you stood to leave, putting on your jackets to face the cold air. You desperately shook your head toward the youngest of the couples. Refuting your boyfriend’s claim as his hand latched onto yours. You could feel your skin burning as there was a few chuckles over the table.

“I don’t need that visual,” Jihoon shook his head, closing his eyes to press his fingers into the corners.

“I can give you more than just a mental visual baby,” Soonyoung puckered his lips out in a kiss and wink toward his friend, and the shorter man made a gagging sound.

“You guys should stay a little longer, at least to see if those two finally kill each other or not,” Mingyu gestured his head toward a couple arguing on the other side of the restaurant window. Seungcheol and his fiancé had to excuse themselves and appeared to now be having an intense argument. Your table wasn’t that close to the window, so their raised voices only seemed to come through like mumbles. “It’s going to amaze me if they actually make it to their wedding day.”

“I am sure it’s just wedding planning stress. They’ll be fine after the wedding,” Gemma, Mingyu’s girlfriend, shrugged.

“If I didn’t know how shitty Meg and their relationship is, I would agree with you.” He argued, and then had a thoughtful look, “Maybe I should start taking bets.”

“We’ll be staying for another round, Woo.” Gemma chose to ignore the taller man, looking to their best friend.

“Excellent.” Wonwoo raised his hand to let someone know they wanted another round of meat and side dishes.

“If you are taking bets, let me know, I’ll throw in,” Soonyoung turning his attention to Jihoon, who had pulled out his phone to not take part in the current conversation, “We still on for the gym tomorrow afternoon, or should I text you in the morning?”

“I don’t know if I can. I got a last minute recording session with an artist, apparently tomorrow is the only day that works before he is back on tour. So I am not sure what time I will be done,” Jihoon gave his friend an apologetic smile, and Soonyoung gave a nod in understanding. He was in same business as his friend, just a choreographer instead of producer, so he understood the last minute scheduling all too well. “I’ll text you once I know more.”

“Doesn’t matter the time, just text me. If not, I can drag one of these guys to the gym with me.” You both were quick to give your last goodbyes before he was whisking you out of the restaurant and out into the cold November night. The sharp cold nearly took your breath away after being sitting in warmth for the last few hours.

On one side of the restaurant front, there was Seungcheol and his fiancé, Meg, still arguing. You didn’t bother listening into what they were saying since Soonyoung’s arm wrapped around your waist to pull you to his side. His warm lips pressing against your cheek.

“You guys heading out?” Seungcheol called out, ignoring the dirty look coming from Meg for cutting her off, his attention now on the two of you.

“Yeah, this pretty lady has an early morning, and I gotta make sure she is home and tucked safely into bed,” Soonyoung answered, not making any moves toward to oldest of his friend group for a hug. Not like he normally would, mostly out fear of Meg and her anger issues.

“Alright! You guys have a good night! Text me when you get home,” Seungcheol was able to wave before his attention was pulled back to the angry woman in front of him.

“Let’s get out of here before Meg has a reason to include us,” Soonyoung whispered, as if the wind was magically change directions and his words would filter toward the arguing couple, pulling you toward the small parking lot next to the restaurant.

“Okay,” You giggle, leaning into his thick jacket to bring a little extra warmth to you, while trying to readjust the scarf around your neck. Completely ready to get back to the warmth of your place and spend the rest of your night with just your boyfriend.

“Do you really have an early morning? You didn’t tell me you did,” Soonyoung asked, leading you right to his car, briefly removing his warmth from you to open the passenger door for you. The two of you had opted out of drinking that night, Soonyoung being the one driving and you just didn’t feel like it. Neither of you were really drinkers anyways, with you less then him, so it had been easy for you both to pass up the offer.

“Not that early of a morning, I don’t work until ten. I was just trying to not make it obvious the real reason we left, but you were making it obvious.” You tell him when he was in the driver’s seat, making sure that he saw the glint in your eyes and the way your tongue touched your bottom lip. Doing all this while saying with the very serious tone, “To get you in that tiger thong of yours.”

“Knew you couldn’t risk the tiger thong,” He laughed as you reached out to stroke his hair before running the tips of your fingers down his neck, “Maybe we can try that tail plug tonight too..”

“Not tonight,” You tell him, and a pout graced his features, “You know sitting here pouting like that prolongs us getting back to my apartment, and that also prolongs something very important.”

“What’s that?” Soonyoung asked with a little confusion, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“On how fast you can get me naked to fuck me,” You tell him like it was obvious, your attention now on taking off your gloves. When you looked at him again, the excited smile was so wide that you were sure every tooth was on display and his eyes seem to completely disappear cause of his cheeks. “While I am in love with that smile, you should stop because you need to see to drive.”

“You watch it. I am not above marking you where everyone can see.” He told you with a tease, trying to relax his cheeks. Even if you told him to stop smiling like that, you were disappointed to see it go away. He then makes a growling sound to back up his threat.

“You do that, and I will give your tiger plushie you leave at my house to Latte the next time I see her.” This earned a fake gasp from your boyfriend, turning on the car to get the heater going at least, and you burst out laughing.

“How dare you say something like that,” He whispered, his face was in another pout, but his tone showed he was holding back his own laughter. “My Latte would never do that to me, anyway. Nice try.”

“Wanna test the theory again?” You raised a brow, trying to put on your best try me face at the empty threat, but your own smile couldn’t be held back. It was impossible for you to not smile around him.

“Let’s go,” He reaches for your hand to kiss before letting it go to focus on driving, his smile not as big, but still very much present. Both of you fell into a comfortable silence during the drive, Soonyoung focusing on the road as you looked out the passenger side window. Taking in the buildings, cars, and people walking around as you pass by.

Every so often, Soonyoung’s hand would brush over your thigh before giving it an affectionate squeeze; mostly when he would stop at a light. Softly humming along to the song playing over the car speakers. You were starting to close your eyes for a moment when you caught a glimpse of something falling from the sky.

“It’s… it’s snowing,” You say out loud once you realized that it was in fact snowing.

“Holy shit, it is!” Soonyoung exclaimed, with sudden excitement to his voice and another wide smile started to spread across his face. You sit up in your seat, out of the slouched position you found yourself in, to get a better look out your window to admire the snow.

Not taking notice that he had changed directions, driving toward a new destination, but became very aware of the way that one of his hands had reached out to grab yours to hold. His palm warm against your own. It wasn’t until the scenery started change, the familiar buildings that lead to your apartment changed for ones that were more spaced out, that you realized he was driving somewhere else.

Soon the buildings were gone, giving way to small fields and clusters of trees before you turned your attention toward Soonyoung.

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere that I been wanting to show you, but was waiting for the right moment,” He confessed, giving you an apologetic glance, “I know I am springing this on you, but this was the moment I was waiting for.”

“For it to snow?” You ask, and he nods. You had started dating earlier that year, just hitting six months earlier that month, so this was your first winter together. And that made this your first snow together.

“Yup!” He confirmed, pulling off the main road and onto a small dirt road that lead to a secluded clearing that overlooked part of Seoul. Where he had parked his car, it gave you a perfect view of the city below you.

“Wow…” You gasped, looking out over the lit city as the snow started to fall heavier as Soonyoung was quick to cut the engine. Undoing his seatbelt, he then reached for yours to undo it as well.

“Come on,” He orders you, opening his door to get out while you turn to give him a look of surprise.

“Wait, we’re getting out of the car?”

“Duh, that’s why I said come on,” It was his turn to roll his eyes, getting out of the car. Before you knew it, he had made his way around the front of his car to open the door for you. With an outreached hand, he offers you another dazzlingly wide smile, “Come on my sweet little leopard, humor your tiger.”

You didn’t need him to call you by your little nickname, you were going to get out of the car anyways, but it still filled you with a giddy feeling. Slipping from the car, you made sure your beanie (purple and leopard printed) was pulled comfortably over your ears for warmth. Pulling your thick jacket tighter around you, you looked up toward the sky to watch the snow falling from it.

Slowly closing your eyes, feeling the cold flakes hit your still warm skin from the car heater, not noticing that Soonyoung was just watching you. His phone out to open his music app but instead switching to his camera so he didn’t lost his moment before him. You all bundled up, the snow falling gently onto your face, and it was more breathtaking to him then the city being covered with the first snow.

Something he never wanted to forget.

“Come on, let’s dance,” He then said, turning on a song to play, and this was when you finally opened your eyes. You watch with a little confusion as he slips his phone into a shallow pocket, the speaker sticking out, and a melody of a song started to fill the snowy air.

With a small bow Soonyoung stretched out his gloved covered hand for you to take. This movement made you made you giggle before taking his hand again.

You were then pulled into his arms, Soonyoung making the first few moves a little exaggerated, twirling you around and dipping you dramatically, before moving to a slow waltz. One hand resting firmly at the small of your back while the other kept holding onto your hand tight, his eyes gazing into yours. There was no words exchanged between either of you, he just lead the dance, and you followed his lead. He was the expert after all, and you were lucky that you could put two steps together.

If felt like a scene right out of a romance.

The song changed, still keeping to the soft slow melody to continue your slow waltz, your body flushed against as he kept you in his arms. Neither of your gazes breaking from the other, and you ignored the way your finger started to get cold, since you didn’t think to grab your own gloves. You didn’t want to stop dancing, you didn’t want him to stop looking at you like you were the answer to everything he was looking for and more.

“Where did you find this place?” You were the first to break the quiet moment, cutting through the music but not unwelcoming. It brought a soft breathy laugh from him.

“I had just caught my last girlfriend cheating on me, idiot left her phone open and to his messages. It was like a punch to the gut, but instead of sending the SOS to the group chat, I just drove around. I wasn’t ready to face them, because I felt embarrassed.” He started breaking his gaze up to the sky, the snow now hitting his face. “I found it when I needed to pull off somewhere just to scream. I was filled with so much frustration, but being out here, it was like…it was healing.

I ignored all calls from the guys, turned off my location, and sat out here for hours. Eventually I had to go back because Kwan threatened to use Hansol’s drone to find me. I didn’t want them to find this place, it kind of felt like my own hidden paradise. Where I can go and escape to just enjoy the silence and the beauty.”

“Your last girlfriend was three years ago?” You mused, the words meaning to be more of an inner thought that left your lips instead. That had been the last relationship he had been in, and not from the lack of trying on his part. He had his share of one night stands, maybe dated someone for a few weeks but would fizzled out before a title could be put on it. You had been the first one since that had stuck around.

“Yeah…”

“I’m surprise you were able to keep this to yourself that long.”

“Hey, I can keep a secret. I’m keeping what’s going on with Magnetic a secret. Chan has been up my ass for the details.” He retorts back, a fake look of offence playing over his face, making you giggle more. You didn’t have the heart to tell him that the Magnetic thing wasn’t a good example, since you knew about it too. “I thought about showing it to one of the guys. Any of them would appreciate this view, but I wanted to share it with someone special. At first, it was to show myself that I was over her and with someone new who wouldn’t hurt me like that, but then the reason changed. It went from wanting to show I’m over her to…”

“Let that someone special in on something that means something to you.” You finish his statement for him, and he nods. You then leaned in to kiss him. “Something that’s special to you.”

“I wanted to bring you sooner, but it wasn’t the right time.” He whispered, capturing your lips again in another kiss, slow and sweet before finally pulling back. His face and ears turning red from the cold.

“What’s better than the first snow of the season.” You thoughtfully, and he nods. “And the dancing?”

“Another thing I imagined doing here, not necessarily in the snow. It’s just a paid actor really.”

“A paid actor, huh?” Raising a brow at him.

“Totally. I just had to sacrifice Kwan and Chan at payment. It was hard but for you, it had to be done.”

“I think you got away cheap,” You both stopped dancing as laughter started to take over, Soonyoung pulling you into a tight hug in the process. “You think we can take a small pause on dancing so I can grab my gloves? My hands feel like they are about to fall off they’re so cold.”

“Oh, shit, of course.”

After you grab your gloves, Soonyoung spends a few minutes pressing your hands between his gloved ones to help warm them up some before you slipped the gloves on. He had given you an apologetic look, but you waved him off with a kiss. Not wanting him to fuss over you anymore.

Your gloves were barely on when he was sweeping you back into his arms to continue to dance, even with the snow falling thicker onto the ground. Your feet leaving imprints as you move. Your breath coming out in small clouds, and neither of you were exactly dressed for snow, your skin pricking from the cold. Neither of you seemed to care though, lost in laughing and talking softly with each other as you continued to dance.

“Soonyoung,” You voiced after you both slipped back into another comfortable silence, the soft melodies of the music now the only thing you can hear. Truthfully, you didn’t know how long you were out there, but the snow was finally started to get you.

“Yeah?” He responded, leaning his forehead against yours.

“I’m freezing,” That was all you needed to tell him, and Soonyoung had pulled back to look at you. Nodding in agreement, he caught your lips into one more slow kiss. Both your lips cold, near freezing, but you felt instant warmth spreading through as they moved against each other.

“Let’s get you out of the cold then.” Pulling you toward the car, Soonyoung opened the passenger door for you before rushing around to the driver’s side to get the vehicle turned on. Hot air blasted through the vents as you both shivered, both of you a lot colder than you thought. “Maybe we should have dressed better.”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly expecting it to snow tonight, or that we were going to take a detour out here. I think it’s my lack of having foresight that’s to be blamed.” You tease shivering, as he leans over to brush the snow off your beanie.

“Damn, you need to get on that. Can’t catch you lacking.” He laughs, though his face did look a little guilty. “Maybe I should have planned better.”

“I don’t know if this is something that can really be planned.” You shrug.

“I actually could have been prepared, because unlike you, I actually check the weather. I just didn’t know it would snow sooner than they predicted.”

“Now it’s you who is lacking.”

“You watch it, little leopard.” He warns you, and you stick your tongue out at him. This made him lunge playfully across the center console to pull you as close as he could. The console stopping him from just pulling you into his lap.

“No, you watch it.” You smile before connecting your lips with his for one more kiss, this one deeper, “But in all seriousness, thank you for showing me this place or that you feel I am special enough to show me it.”

“You’ve been special since day one.” The comment made your heart swell and flutter, feeling truth behind his words that was backed up by one last kiss. A long lingering one that left you breathless and wanting him to kiss you again like that. “Let’s get you home and all warmed up.”

The drive back to your apartment was not as silent as the trip to his secret spot, both of you just finding yourself creating chatter over different topics. Some that you talk about all the time, some topics that were randomly thought of, and Soonyoung was even making sure you were still wanting him to stay or not. He was able to pick up from the way you sleepily stared at the window that you were growing tired.

“Even if I am tired, what makes you think that I wouldn’t want you to stay with me?” You asked him, which earned a chuckle and a nod, “Cuddling my body pillow is great and all, or even TamTam, but I much rather be cuddling into my boyfriend instead.”

“Okay, Okay, I get it.” He shot you a quick smile, this time his hand reaching across the console to take yours and didn’t let go until you were at your apartment, and you refused to climb over the console, so you didn’t have to let go. Nor did you let him either. It didn’t take long until you were in your small one bedroom apartment, and he was fussing over you. “Are you still cold? Would a nice warm shower help?”

“I am fine,” You roll your tired eyes, removing your scarf and jacket on the coat rack, and kicked off your snow covered shoes, with Soonyoung following suit. “I am not as cold as I was earlier, and the heater is on. Let’s just get ready for bed.”

It wasn’t long after the two of you started dating that Soonyoung had his own drawer and a toothbrush in your bathroom, so he didn’t have to worry about wearing the same thing the next day or needing to remember an overnight bag. The same had gone for you at his place, you had a drawer and a toothbrush. Not enough to be like you were moving in, neither of you nowhere near that, but enough that if neither of you wanted to go home, there was a change of clothes and at least a toothbrush.  

The original idea of getting to your place was now just a thought in the back of both your minds, both tired and focused on getting changed and into the warmth of your bed.

“Mine,” Soonyoung announced to no one as soon as you slid under the blankets, his arms wrapping around your waist to pull you against his body, burying his face between your shirt covered breast; throwing a leg over you as well to latch onto you like a koala. Making sure you weren’t moving. “All mine.”

“Me or my breast?” You laugh when he starts to make a motorboat sound into them, though it was muffled from your shirt.

“All mine,” He repeated, looking up from your breasts with furrowed brows and a small pout. Sitting up onto his side, he leans forward to kiss the top of your head before trailing kisses down your body, “From head to…”

“I swear Soonyoung if you try to kiss my toes,” You start to laugh when he reaches your waist, not caring that he was kissing more clothes then your skin. Popping his head up, he gave you a teasing smirk with his dark eyes shining with mischief. “Soonyoung…”

He didn’t do what you thought though, which was grab your ankle to act like he was going to kiss your toes, instead he moved to kiss your lips instead. His mouth warm pressed against yours with a cool hand touching your cheek, already starting to warm against your skin. Heat starting to spread like a wildfire over your body, his hand tilting your head to have better access of your mouth, your body remembering that you were wanting him to not just sleep next to you. You wanted him to do so much more, leave you panting and desperate for more. Both of you whining for more.

“All mine,” He repeated with a growl, the words muffled and nearly lost in your mouth, adjusting so you were now under him. His hips slotted against your thighs, while his other hand held him up.

“Only yours.” You whimper when he moved to pepper your jawline and neck with kisses, your hips pushing up against his. His cock already hard and pressing against the fabric of his underwear and sweats, begging to be freed. Your own hands now moving over his back, pulling at his shirt to reveal the body that was underneath so you could trace the clear cut muscles over his torso. To trace each dip, follow the familiar paths the tips of your fingers had visited so many times in the last six months. “Only mine.”

“Say it again.” The groan that left his lips was music to your ears, desperate and needy for not just your body but your words. You both gluttons for these words of claim, words that always lead to you both tangled up somehow. “Please, say it again.”

“Only mine,” You have no issue telling him that again, and it only lead him to capture your lips in a near bruising kiss. The warm pajamas you were wearing were no longer on you, tossed over your boyfriends shoulder with his mouth leaving faint red bite marks over your body.

“We need to stop wearing clothes to bed,” He complained, after your underwear were gone and so was his shirt. Even with the heat going, there was still a small chill through the apartment making him shiver and leaving goosebumps over both your skin. Reminding him why you were clothed in the first place. “Fuck, it’s cold.”

“That’s why,” You giggle at him before that giggle turned into a loud moan, Soonyoung not wasting time to find his place between your thighs. His tongue already dipping into your soaked folds to taste you, leaving your whole body buzzing. Your hands reached for his hair, your eyes already rolling back when a finger joined the way his tongue teased you. His middle finger teasing your entrance while his tongue rolled over your clit. The deep groans leaving him at your taste vibrating against you. “Soon…”

“Hmmm,” was the only sound you would get from him as a response, the middle finger that was teasing you dipping in, your inner walls clenching around it eagerly. This reaction from you earned a second finger quickly, his middle and ring finger now moving inside you while his tongue started to expertly work your needy cunt.

Your hands were in fists in his hair, your eyes slightly rolling, mouth falling open with a waterfall of whimpers, moans, and sighs. Body already burning up from desire and pleasure, with the knot starting to tighten deep in your core. Each flick of his tongue, each gentle suck, each curl of his fingers to hit the sensitive nerves, and the hungry sounds that were sending extra vibrations through you all brought you closer to your first release.

“Soon…Soonyoung… I…please…” You didn’t know why you were asking for his permission to cum, knowing full well by the way he was enthusiastically licking up your arousal that was seeping out quicker from his fingers fucking into you that you didn’t need to. He wanted it, he was working to bring it out of you. Needing to watch you come apart from just this before, before doing it all over again with his cock.

Soonyoung didn’t bother answering you, knowing perfectly well that you were just speaking nonsense at how quick he had gotten you to the edge. Instead his small sharp eyes shines when his mouth latched over your clit, suckling at it as his fingers moved so quickly that you could hear the echoes of the wetness that surrounded them. Your legs that were bent at the knee, with your feet planted on the mattress were now wrapped around his head. Your thighs pressing his head between them, pushing his face more into your cunt almost suffocatingly.

Through your heavy lids, you could see the way his eyes rolled at the feeling of your thighs against his head, the suckling starting to become harder sucks, and it was enough to cause explosions behind your eyes. The knot that was rapidly tightening snapped, and your vision almost went white. Your legs shaking and squeezing his head, all while the he lapped up your gushing release as much as he could. Not caring that he could suffocate from this, instead moaning and pushing for another orgasm with his mouth.

“Too much, too much!” You gasped out, your legs untangling from around him and your hands pulling at his hair to detach his mouth from you. You had it in you for another orgasm before he fucked you, but it didn’t stop your body from becoming almost too sensitive. Also you didn’t want to be the only one to have something before that. Knowing full well he was rutting against the mattress as desperately as his hands and mouth moved.

This earned a whine from Soonyoung, who was still working his fingers inside you even if his mouth wasn’t on you. Your inner muscles clenching around the slick digits.

“But you taste so good, my little leopard. I can eat you all night and be satisfied.” He told you trying to move to run his tongue over you, but your hold was firm. “Come on, you can cum again. Let me make you cum.”

“You can make me cum again on your cock, right now I need you down my throat.” You managed to pant out, and it was almost comical how fast he was pushing his pajamas and boxers down; the fabric now resting at his knees. Freeing his already hard aching cock, thick, heavy, and already dripping. Ready for your eager mouth, and soon your cunt.

Just the sight of him sent another wave arousal through you and wanted to just pounce on him. His blonde hair sticking up in several directions and mused from your fingers, with his skin flushed from the heat radiating off you both and the cool air of the bedroom. Dark eyes blown out and black, with nearly his entire bottom half of his face shining from your release, his beautiful plump bottom lip between his teeth. His body was something of another world. Muscles cut annoyingly perfect, defined showing off the hours he spent dancing and at the gym with one of his friends. Muscles that gave you a perfect map to trace with your fingertips and tongue to where you want to go. Even after a night full of BBQ didn’t take away from the perfectly sculpted frame.

Kwon Soonyoung was built like the Greek Gods wished they were.

You made quick movements, sitting up and moving so you were resting on your own knees, unable to stop yourself from pulling him into a kiss. Tasting you off his lips and leaving a faint layer over your own, teasing each other’s tongues. He pulls you closer to him, pressing your naked body against his, one arm around your waist while the other gripping the back of your hair.

“You are so fucking perfect,” His voice was soft when you separated, and it caused you to faulter your quick decision to start trailing your lips down his throat. He has told you this so many times, but this time it felt different, laced with deeper meanings than ever before. Neither of you had actually said those words yet, neither of you ready to say them, but it was clear that you were in love. You both may be gluttons for words, some words were not ready to be uttered, but that didn’t mean that the feeling wasn’t there.

The words will come in time, and that moment will be worth the wait.

“I think it’s you who’s the perfect one.” You challenge back, your voice just as soft, your hands were still trailing down his body to grasp his cock. Earning a soft hiss from him at your touch. “Perfect for me.”

“And you are for me,” He breathes out, your hand providing a few soft gentle jerks before returning to your original task. Your mouth trailing over his skin with ease, leaving similar marks like he had done to you and tongue trailing the dips between his muscles. Soft sounds coming from him, until he watched as your ass lifted slightly so you could lean forward.

He resting on his knees on the bed, and you resting low on one arm, so you were level to his cock. It was rock hard under your touch, twitching and tip leaking. With a ginger flick of your tongue, you also didn’t waste any time taking his tip into your mouth. Tasting him with eyes flashing up toward his face; meeting his eyes. He was fighting the urge to drop his head back at the sensation of your mouth, but he kept his gaze trained on you. The hand that was originally gripping your hair back to holding it tight in his fist. The angle you had him at giving him a way to fuck down your throat with a simple thrust forward.

Soonyoung doesn’t do that either, able to fight that urge as well, but his hand didn’t let go of you. It stayed firm while you moved your mouth over his length, taking more of him with every movement. You tongue pressed up against the underneath of his cock, against a sensitive vein of his, stroking what you didn’t take yet.

“Yes, baby, yes. Fuck. You look so pretty like that,” Words were falling from his lips with every moan, both hands now holding your hair back, his hips jutting forward. Nose nearly pressed against his abdomen, gagging slightly.

Dropping your hand to his thigh, you hollow your cheeks to give a generous suck, and it earned a whole string of curses from Soonyoung. Then you relaxed your jaw and throat, your eyes shining with a silent begging and letting him know that he had full control over how he used your mouth. The groan that left his mouth sounded more like a growl when the realization hit, finally dropping his head back for a moment.

When he looked back at you, his bottom lip between his teeth, keeping you in place with his hold Soonyoung thrusted forward in. Pushing him as far down your throat as he could go, your nose pressed against his body, cutting off your air. He pulls your head back the same time he does his hips, letting you take a few breaths before returning his cock down your throat.

Using your throat as his own personal toy, Soonyoung watched with a glazed expression the way your drool started to drip from the corners of your mouth. Coating you both with it, and the way your lids were fluttering gave away that you were not just enjoying him fucking your throat but that you had also snaked one of your hands between your thighs to touch yourself. The sight was enough to make him want to coat your throat with his cum.

“I need to fuck you, or I am cumming down your throat.” Soonyoung panted out with one more thrust to your throat before releasing his hold on you, taking in how you were looking to him. Resting on your arm with your ass in the air, perfect for him to slip behind and fuck you senseless. Or push you flat onto the bed and take you that way. His mind racing in all the positions he could throw you in as he got off the bed to retrieve the condom and finish removing his pants while he made his decision. With the foil package in his hand, Soonyoung pushed away the pillows to climb onto the bed behind you. “Move a little forward.”

You did as you were told, moving your body so you were where he wanted you, but went to move to lift your upper body when you felt his hand press against you back. Stopping you from moving, and you just rested your cheek against your bedsheet. You could hear the foil tearing from behind you, and he made quick movements to slip the condom over his cock. It was disappointing to say the least, but he was going to be deep in you no matter what, and it wasn’t going to take away from how good he fucked you.

His hands then moved to run up your thighs and over your ass, gripping at the meaty muscles, and you were expecting to feel the head of his cock pressing against your ready hole but instead you felt the flat of his tongue. Leaving you suddenly gasping, his tongue dipping into you from this angle only briefly, because if he didn’t, he would keep going until you were trembling again.

“So pretty,” He started repeating, having straightened up to position himself. The thick head of his cock slipping between your folds, before pushing forward. Stretching you in a tantalizing way, keeping hold of your hips to stop you from pushing back eagerly to pull him in further. Taking his time to bottom himself out, making sure you feel every inch of him.

“Soonyoung… please…” There was a whine to your voice, not wanting him to take his time, needing him to completely fill you with him.

“Please, what?” He urged, stopping only halfway in, his grip on your hips only tightening to keep you still when you started trying to wiggle your hips back.

“Don’t tease me please…” You whisper out, your knuckles going white as you clung to your sheets, suddenly being full of him. Normally he would tease more, but he had also found himself impatient to be in you. With his hips flushed against you, he leaned his chest against your back.

“Is this what you wanted?” Soonyoung’s tone was a breathless husk, grinding his hips into you as a moan left his own lips. One that was almost louder than you, you nod against the bed turning your head enough to be able to catch him watching you. “Is it? Or is it this?”

You barely were able to register him pulling out of you before his hips were snapping forward, nearly flattening you against the mattress, but one of his arms had wrapped around your waist to keep you up. You mouth fell open to moans and cries with each thrust into you, maneuvering just right to find the bundle of nerves. The fabric of the sheets rough against your sensitive nipples, sending more jolts through you.

Soonyoung’s forehead pressed between your shoulder blades, his breathing coming out in pants and loud moans of his own. The only other sounds other than your voices is the sound of skin hitting skin and the lewd sounds coming from it.

“Made just for me,” He panted into your skin, feeling his teeth starting to graze your skin. “Mine. All mine.”

“Only yours,” It was the first words you managed to get out since he stopped teasing you, your voice hoarse and gasping. Your eyes slightly rolled, and a hand found its way into your hair. Controlling how he turned your head when he pulled it back, so you were looking at him.

Skin flushed and wet from sweat, his eyes completely black and blown out, and hair a complete mess. With his lips looking inviting and you wanted to press yours against them. Letting his mouth swallow your breathless gasps and yours swallow his throaty moans. It would be enough to push the pressure building inside you closer to snapping, muscles clenching greedily with each of his thrusts.

“That’s right,” Instead of catching your mouth, he pressed a kiss against your jaw, relishing the heat radiating off your skin and how close he could see your fucked out face with each of his thrusts. “Mine and only mine. Like I am only yours.”

“Fuck…” You gasp out, the words did what that kiss you wanted did, and more. Catapulting you off the edge, with your body shaking from the pressure bursting. Inner walls spasming and clenching around him, and your legs shaking. There was his own string of curses that fell from his lips, and you suddenly felt empty as he removes himself from your body. Leaving you to wither in this orgasm without him, but not for long.

Soonyoung rolled you over onto your back, finding his place back between your legs. Pushing his cock back into you, groaning how even though your muscles grasp tight around him, but slid in with so much ease. Your body snug around him like a glove. With his knees bent and pressing against your hips, your legs moving to wrap around his waist, Soonyoung rested his upper half on his forearms. Now hovering over you to take the way you looked better, to take in the way your body couldn’t stop shaking from the orgasm he pulled from you. Or the way your eyes fluttered and your mouth begging to be kissed by his.

Which he couldn’t resist doing, your lips just as addicting as every part of you. Still slightly swollen and a tongue that he loved to tease with his own. Swallowing any sounds that left your lips. Your body hot and covered in a sheen of sweat, mixing with his own, as your bodies moved and pressed up against each other. The new angle had it so he could get deeper, the soundless gasps and moans starting to turn into higher pitch whines, another orgasm quickly washing over you.

Each muscle tense, locking your legs around him by your ankles, arms around him so you were clinging to him. Every moan and high pitch whine mixed and lost with his own, and you could tell by the way his thrusts were started to become a little sloppy, and harder into you, that he was close. That he was trying to hold back, long enough to maybe pull another one, but he wasn’t going to last that long. He was too close to his own release to hold back any longer.

“Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,” Soonyoung started repeating, between pressing his forehead against yours and kissing you. “Cumming…”

“Soonyoung,” You whimper his name, over stimulation started to set in when he hips falter. Coating the inside of the condom with stripes of his cum. You both stayed there, allowing him time to empty himself and you stop spasming. Soonyoung wouldn’t stop placing soft kisses over your skin, making sure not leaving a single spot on your face untouched by his lips. With eyes shut, you relish in the feel of his body still pressing against you and the way his lips brushed over your sweat soaked skin. Then he runs the flat of his tongue over your temple causing you to smack his arm. “Soonyoung!”

His laughter rang through the bedroom, pulling himself from your swollen and well fucked cunt to discard the condom and get you both cleaned up. He tries to insist to let him clean you up, but you also needed to pee, so you waved off this offer. The two of you both cleaned up together, changing into a fresh pair of clothes, and after sex munchies started to set in.

“I’m hunnngggrrryyyy,” Soonyoung’s whine made your eyes roll, dropping the ramen into the pot before moving to cut the extra ingredients to add to it. Were you really going through this trouble at near two thirty in the morning to make him a nice meal after fucking you into the mattress? Yes, because he deserved it, and he would do the same in a heart beat.

“Gotta let it cook first.” You tell him before letting out a small squeal when you feel his arms snake around your waist and his mouth pressing against right behind your ear. You started squirming when he nuzzled his nose into your skin. “Kwon Soonyoung, you were the one who wanted this and now you aren’t going to let me cook?”

“I want to kiss on you more instead,” He murmured against your skin, pushing back the strands that were trying to fall back into place.

“Then you shouldn’t have asked for this,” You tell him, when his hand reaches out and stops you from cutting up pieces of kimchi to add to the ramen. He gently nudges the knife free to drop onto the cutting board, to turn you toward him. Not giving a single shit that your hands were covered in the red.

“You are just as hungry as I am,” He retorts, his hands grasping the counter sides, pinning you between him and the counter. You go to roll your eyes when you stop at the sudden serious look on his face.

“What?”

“I love you.” It was like time stopped and you stared at him, trying to read anywhere on his beautiful features that he wasn’t being serious.

There was a rush through you, a mixture of emotions. Shock, excitement, worry, but most of all love for him that took over everything else. You thought he was going to wait longer, that he wasn’t ready to utter the words that you both obviously felt, but here he was telling you with no issue. With so much seriousness, to make sure what you didn’t think he was trying to be silly or funny.

Kwon Soonyoung never has, would never, or will ever joke about those feelings for you. He loved you more than the phrase could justify, and he couldn’t hold it any longer. Especially after that night.

“I love you,” Soonyoung repeated, your name falling from his lips after, making sure the words sunk in. Allowing you the time to process his words. But what he wasn’t expecting was you to fling yourself at him, your arms wrapping around his neck and your lips smashed against his. He was quick to melt into your kiss, his hands resting on your hips.

“I love you, too.” You tell him breaking away from his kiss to say it, “I love you.”

It took everything in you to pull away from your boyfriend after that, to finish making food, which proved difficult with him clinging to your back, kissing your neck and repeating those three words in your ear. Neither of you able to stop smiling as you giggled and fed each other ramen, not able to go to sleep until the sun started to peak over the horizon.

These two will be back! You'll see them in the other fics, and I have another fic planned for him. I hope you enjoyed!

[spoonfulofmilo]

Hi! i wanted to request lando x fem!reader where dhe studies in the US and is dating lando and talks about him all the time but all of her friends thinks she is joking because she has no proof (she cant post anything yet because lando hasnt said anything abt a gf to the public). and y/n crys to lando because no matter how much convincing she does they think shes just messing with them. (she literally drives his spare mclaren and they still dont beleive her.) so lando decides to suprise her in class and then posts her on insta and all of her friends feel really bad

woohoo!

my masterlist can be accessed here

my masterlist can be accessed here

Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.

also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better

and if you want to be added to my taglist lmk :)

lando norris x reader

---

Y/N picks up her laptop and some pens with her notebook. She’s got another study date with her friends. She likes them, sure she does, but sometimes they get a little irritating. 

For one, they don’t believe that her boyfriend is THE Lando Norris. They think she’s either got some unemployed schmuck who she is afraid to tell them about due to his poorness (the stuck up snobs) or they think she’s got some old sugar daddy that she doesn’t want them to meet because he’s so old.

So Y/N is taking less than ideal measures. Like today. Lando recently acquired a new McLaren from his work, some customised Spider that came out a couple of years ago. So now that he has his new car, he shipped his old one out to America, so Y/N would have something nice to drive around. His old McLaren GT, not necessarily old, it still cost about $210k, but not Lando’s current favourite, so Y/N could drive it around a bit.

And drive it, she would. Maybe this would finally convince her friends. Once and for all, that Lando Norris was interested in her and was dating her. She grabbed the keys off the table, double checked she had everything and then got into the car, driving the 10 minutes to the coffee shop.

Okay, maybe pulling up outside a coffee shop entirely inhabited by uni students in a custom McLaren wasn’t the best idea, but it was the best one she had. She got out of the car, locking it and headed in, almost immediately spotting her friends.

“Hello! I’ll just grab a coffee and then we can get to it!” She smiled at them, but she could see their faces

“How about you get us all a coffee with your sugar daddy money, Y/N.”

Y/N put her head down and ordered a hot chocolate and a cookie before returning to the table.

“So, how’s Lucas, Gabrielle?”

“Oh come on, no one wants to hear about my boyfriend, Y/N, we all just want to hear about your sugar daddy.”

“As I’ve told you before, I do not have a sugar daddy. I have Lando, who is my boyfriend, not my sugar daddy. And he is good, excited for the Las Vegas Grand Prix, and then excited to be coming home at the end of the season.”

“Yeah right, just cause you’re sending nudes to some old guy, doesn’t mean you can’t tell your best friends… come on, cut the charade Y/N.”

“I-” YN could feel tears welling up in her eyes, so she grabbed her stuff, and her hot chocolate before getting into the McLaren and driving off. 

Thank god it was only a 5 minute drive, else Y/N may not have made it back due to the tears welling up in her eyes. Maybe if she had, she would’ve seen the other McLaren in the driveway, but instead she walked into the house and locked herself in the bathroom, sitting down and beginning to cry.

Lando outside quickly froze. He honestly had no idea what to do. He was planning on surprising his girlfriend when she got home from her study date with her friends, but she arrived 2 minutes after he got home and had immediately walked into the bathroom without even saying hello. Leaning against the door, Lando could hear shaky breaths and sobs through the door, as he leaned his whole weight onto it, he quickly realised that she had not in fact locked the door, as he fell through it, landing on the cold tile floor.

The sobs stopped, as the hiccups continued. “L-lando, are you, okay? Wait, hang on, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in the factory in England?” The confusion in her voice was evident.

“Yeah, well I had some spare time, and I decided to come over, and the door wasn’t locked properly, but what happened? Why are you in here crying pretty girl?”

“It’s nothing, I promise, just me getting upset over nothing.”

“It’s clearly not nothing darling when you’re sitting here on the bathroom crying, huh?”

“Just… well, people don’t think we’re dating. They think I’m lying about it to try and cover for some 80 year old sugar daddy, and they think i’m being delusional.”

“Why, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Didn’t want to worry you…”

“You’re my girlfriend, Y/N of course I worry about you. Let’s forget about your shitty friends, and let’s go get a takeout dinner and a movie.”

“Love Actually?”

“Yes, if you want.”

---

Y/N dashed into the classroom, running slightly late as she sat down, and pulled open her laptop. Cursing herself for oversleeping, and not having the time to grab a coffee on the way, she sat down and began to take notes.

Halfway through the lecture, Y/N heard the door at the back of the room open again. ‘Well at least I’m not the last one.’ She heard whispers and gasps and tried to focus on the lecture until she felt a presence standing next to her and looked up into her boyfriend’s brown eyes.

In his hands was a starbucks cup, a classic ice chocolate based on the label on the cup. Lando placed the cup on the table, before pressing a kiss to Y/N’s head and half jogging out of the room to avoid the fangirls.

Y/N could feel the judgemental looks at the back of her head, but all she could do was smile.

Lando Norris 

200k likes

Lando.norris love you baby 🙂

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[phneltwrites]

On Smut Writing

hey if you're a young royals writer and you struggle to write smut but you want to, I'm happy to chat. We can talk through your idea and discuss strategies. (ofc if you never want to then that's fine too!)

Otherwise also big recommend on this very old essay (like so old it both uses and defines the word slash): here

Also, here is a brief summary of my personal method. These tips also work for: action scenes, dance scenes, and dream sequences

figure out my zing (what is zing? read the essay)

put that at the centre of a mindmap

get mindmapping, build out the branches until I feel like I have a good sense of the major components of what makes that particular zing work

Give the characters a goal or need that must be met by the scene

unlearn shame and embrace joy. If time does not permit to unlearn shame and embrace joy, you can substitute by covering your screen while you write or playing music really loudly

write. Whenever the fic gets stuck, go back to the mindmap and pick a new branch. Put your zing at the centre of every paragraph

for tips on the writing, also refer to essay above

General smut writing tips:

focus on the sensation, not the choreography

give the scene structure. build towards something and then have a denouement

characters gotta want something at the beginning of the scene that is not an orgasm. At the end of the scene they should have it or be on the path to it

Drive plot through action. Remove dialogue and discussion and show those elements through touch

pick your terminology set and don't be afraid of repeating those words

Example below with nsfw text (though please don't be reading this at work I'm not responsible for that)

ok here's an example of how I put that into action for my fic 'I didn't just come here to dance' wherein Simon wears a plug to the club

my zing is sex toys worn under clothing

my mindmap

sorry this is terrible to read my handwriting is and has always been awful.

But here there's a few things that are on the mindmap. I've got public, sensation, discovery, denial, comeplay, and play, with their little branches off of them. Some of this is written as I go, some of it is omitted and included in the writing depending. It's a guideline

4. ok gonna be real this scene has less of a clear goal cause it's written to prompt, but here Simon has a goal of driving Wille out of his mind and Wille has the goal of showing Simon how much his mind was blown. So that's trust and partnership and communication.

But fr. ex in a longer fic I wrote, I put in a scene scene to show that Simon is feeling disconnected and frustrated and trying to distract himself from his uncomfortable feelings (not about Wille) through sex. So Simon has a goal and Wilhelm has a goal of taking care of Simon and they both can't get exactly what they want.

5. we keep working on this one! Sometimes I stare out the window at the mountains while I'm writing a smut scene so I don't see what my fingers are doing

6. but now I've got: a scene about trust and communication where there's a sex toy. Denial is a key component so they're in a situation where they can't just leave. But they're also going to be distracted so it needs to be a situation where they aren't focused on something else. So now they're at the club with a promise to a friend to stick it out. Voila! A fic.

[redtsundere-writes]

Out Of My League | Kayn Shieda / Rhaast

Heartsteel!Kayn Shieda / Rhaast x f!reader

Part 2: Shotcalling.

Part 1. Part 3. Part 4.

Sypnosis: A chronically online girl trying to get out of the friendzone. Contents: Modern AU, High school AU. Friends to lovers. Fluff and some angst. No warnings. Word count: 6982 words. Author's Note: So... I wasn't going to post a second part but the guys in AO3 asked for it so here it is as well lol.

Two months ago, you discovered that your weird online friend, Rhaast, was the famous Kayn Shieda, one of the most popular boys in school. Luckily, this dynamic change just strengthened your friendship. Now, both talked every time you ran into each other in the hallway and played League at night while criticizing people from school on call. You were lucky to have his attention, even if it meant that your jealous classmates glared at you every time you talked too much to him. You loved this new phase, but you knew it would end soon. 

The school year was a month away and that meant two things. The first one was that the famous annual talent show was approaching. It was a farewell event your school organized for the students. It was an important event attended by students and the general public. At first, it was meant to be a one-time event, but thanks to the great reception it became a tradition. Your math teacher liked to encourage students to participate, so he always gave extra credits to those who did. Credits that you urgently needed if you didn't want to take summer classes. 

So here you were, meticulously searching for a simple song that you could play and sing at the same time on Spotify. You weren't the best singer but at least it would be better than just boringly playing guitar. You were lying on a bench in the music room. That oasis where you met Kayn. That embarrassing memory had transformed into a nostalgic one. You were still an introvert and shy, but not with Kayn. 

"Found you," you heard Kayn as he entered the room with his characteristic velvety voice. 

Your heart skipped a beat mercilessly on your chest like the first day. Your hands started to sweat, so you quickly wiped them on your pants. Your lungs were feeling out of breath with every step he took towards you, but you quickly regained your composure. 

"What are you doing here?" You asked while putting your phone aside, pretending that his presence was no big deal. Kayn threw a soda can at you which you skillfully caught. 

"I didn't see you in the cafeteria, so I thought you'd be here," he said. Kayn quickly noticed your guitar. 

He was an observant man, he almost knew your routine by just watching your behavior. The guitar caught his attention because you almost never brought it to school, unless you participated in class and you didn't have music class that day. 

"Are you going to perform at the talent show?" You nodded and sat properly on the bench to drink the soda comfortably. 

"I have to do it if I want to pass math. I'll just play an easy song," you explained before taking a sip. 

"Heartsteel will also perform. That means we are rivals now," Kayn joked as he sat down next to you. You rolled your eyes. 

"It's not fair, you guys have practically have the contest on the bag," you said while frowning. He laughed at how cute you looked when you did that. 

"Do you already have a song in mind?" Kayn asked curiously. He had never heard you sing, so this new side caught his attention. 

"Yes, it goes something like this…" You replied before picking up your guitar again. Your fingers delicately positioned on the strings and you began to play a couple of chords to create a simple melody. 

"Two sides to a story, but never tell my side. Never been the kinda guy to stay inside the guidelines..." You rapped like Kayn did in Paranoia. He laughed when he heard you. Not to mock you, he just wasn't expecting you to know the lyrics. He couldn't stop smiling as you recited his part perfectly.  

"No one can replace me, baby," he commented sarcastically while applauding at your brief presentation. 

"I know, but I am a close second," you said pretending that your ego was as high as his. 

He watched you closely as you mocked his narcissistic personality. He liked that he could be himself when you were around, but he still couldn't let himself go like he wished. 

"What will you do without me?" He suddenly asked in a serious tone, completely changing the fun atmosphere you had created. 

"We've been online friends for 2 years, I'll be fine," you responded with the same tone as you noticed his concern. Kayn shook his head at the response. 

"You know it won't be like before. When I graduate, I will dedicate myself fully to my musical career and I won't have as much time to play or talk with you as we used to," he explained with a melancholic tone. 

The school year was a month away and that meant two things. The second thing was that Kayn, a senior student, would be graduating soon. You would no longer see him singing in the hallways, eating with his friends or playing basketball. Also, he had recently debuted with his band, Heartsteel, and they had recently released their first single. That would mean he would be busier with rehearsals, fan meetings and concerts. Just thinking about it saddens you, but you knew that he was fulfilling his dream and you had to support him. You still had a month left so you had to make the most of it. 

"You worry about nothing," you told him before nudging his arm so he stopped being so tense. 

"You know that I will always be available for you," you smiled at him so he would stop thinking about the future so could focus on the present. 

It was true that you always wanted to be by his side, but he was a star and you had to give him space to shine. If Kayn was happy, you would be. Even if it meant that your delicate heart would be sad in the mornings when you couldn't see him in the sky. 

The school day ended and you were heading back to the music room to retrieve your guitar. You grabbed the sheet music you had written during the break once Kayn went back to his friends, put the notebook in your bag and hung the guitar on your back. You left the room and looked out the window at a scene you hadn't seen in a while. 

Kayn was in front of a beautiful girl. You recognized her easily given her good reputation as the captain of the school’s volleyball team. With just a glance, it was obvious how good they looked together. Did you look like that next to him? Most likely you looked like one of his eager fans. 

She handed him an envelope decorated with hearts and kisses. She was confessing her love to him and he was receiving it. One after another, Rhaast used to tell you that he dated a new girl every week because “there's Rhaast for everyone,” or that's what he always used to say on call. You had already gotten used to seeing that scene in the distance many times when it came to the out of league Kayn, but this time it was different. Because you were close to him, you now felt like you had a chance to confess your feelings with ease and that's why you were jealous of the captain. Now you understood your jealous classmates, you had become one of them. 

If your time with Kayn was limited, you had to make the most of it. You had to confess no matter the outcome. Sure, you were afraid that he would cruelly reject your feelings but you didn't care. You wanted to tell Kayn everything your heart had been locking up since you first saw him. 

If you were going to confess, you were going to do it in Kayn's style. You were going to give him the best confession he had ever seen in his life, so you could stand out among your pretty rivals. You were going to write him a song and perform it in front of the whole school at the talent show. Did you know how to write a song? No. Were you ready to sing your feelings in front of a large audience? Also no, but that would be a problem for the future you. You had to do it to make the most out of the opportunity. 

You watched tutorials on YouTube on how to compose music, you researched how to write romantic lyrics, and you asked your friends on Discord what they thought of how the song was turning out. Some showed their support while others made fun of you, but that didn't matter to you in the slightest. Your confidence was the highest it has ever been and no one could take away your motivation. 

You decided to write a song about how Kayn made you feel every time you saw him, how you couldn't take your eyes off him even if you wanted to, and how you wanted him to look at you like you were the prettiest girl in the room. You wrote him a song to show him how bad you wanted him compared to the other girls. 

One night, Kayn sent you a message while you were focused on writing. You ignored your computer because you were repeating a verse that didn't convince you how it sounded with the beat. 

Kayn was in his dark messy room. The glow of his computer dimly illuminated his pale body. He frowned when he noticed that you didn't answer him as quickly as you usually did. He sent another message to get your attention, but this one was also ignored. “She better be showering or else,” he thought, annoyed. Minutes passed by and you showed no signs of life. Kayn had no choice but to send another message... which you didn't answer. This was really rare in you. “Is she mad at me?” he thought before starting to analyze everything he had said or done to find out the reason for your strange attitude towards him. 

“Damn, what did I do?” he asked himself, starting to worry. He got up from his gaming chair to walk anxious from side to side through the gloomy room. “Maybe she's talking to someone else,” he thought, looking at your Discord chat. Out of nowhere, a shirtless K'Sante walked into the room. 

"Hey, Kayn, can I borrow some of your shampoo? I ran out of mine," he asked with a towel hanging over his broad shoulder. 

"Do you think she hates me?" Kayn asked without taking his eyes off the unread messages. “What this have to do with shampoo?” K'Sante thought, confused. 

"Why would she hate you?" he asked, unsure if he wanted to participate in the conversation. 

Kayn trusted K'Sante when it came to talking about girls because he was the one who gave the best advice out of all the members of Heartsteel. 

"I don't know! I already sent her three texts and she doesn't answer me!" Kayn cried, desperate for attention. K'Sante sighed as he shook his head. 

"You're overreacting," he said, getting fed up with his friend's nonsense before closing the door. Kayn huffed and settled back down in front of his computer. 

Eventually you were able to rewrite the verse that bothered you so much and thus you finished writing the lyrics of the song. You checked your phone and were surprised to see Rhaast's messages. 

@Rhaast: League or what? (10:30 pm)

@Rhaast: Heeeyyyyy (10:38 pm)

@Rhaast: YOU CAN'T BE BUSY, I'M YOUR ONLY FRIEND!! 😞 (10:45 PM)

You didn't hesitate to call him as soon as you read those messages. Rhaast answered you almost immediately. 

"What did I do to deserve your coldness?" he asked, annoyed at you. “What's up with him?” you asked yourself. 

"Nothing, I was just busy," You said as you searched in your room for an excuse to give him other than “I was writing a love song for you.” 

"I was doing homework, Mr. Smith left us so many problems to solve," you said as seriously as possible to lie the best you could. 

"You better, you said you would always be available for me," Kayn refuted, less angry this time. 

"I'm sorry I have a life outside of you," you responded sarcastically. 

"I will always be part of your life!" he barked. Kayn was grateful that you couldn't see his cheeks slightly blushing for saying that so boldly. You smiled and shook your head. 

"Yeah, yeah... Are we going to play or are you going to keep yapping?" You mocked him before opening the game. Kayn sighed in relief after realizing you weren't upset with him. 

The talent show was two weeks away. You were practicing the song you had written in the music room. It was 5 pm. There were almost no students in school, so you felt comfortable practicing without interruptions. Your fingers slid along the strings to play the melody that you had worked so hard to compose. You sang what your heart wanted to say to Kayn but was too of a coward to do so. You were in your element.

"It doesn't sound bad,'' a voice said behind you out of nowhere. You screamed in shock and turned around quickly to see Kayn's friend, Yone, standing in the doorway. You were relieved that at least he wasn't your crush. 

You didn't know much about Yone. He was one of the popular kids in school thanks to his height, handsome appearance, and his piano skills. He was also a very important member of Heartsteel because he was the main producer and songwriter. You only knew that because Kayn talks about him from time to time to complain about how uptight and serious he could be.

"I'm s-sorry, I was-sn't expecting anyone here," you stubbornly said when you saw the handsome boy with white hair and red highlights, a perfectly sculpted face and a great presence enter the room. He approached you while analyzing you from head to toe. 

"Did you compose that?" He asked skeptically before taking your sheet music notebook. 

"Ah y-yes, it's the firs-st one I w-write," you responded, avoiding his intense gaze as he flipped through your sheet music and notes. 

Yone knew perfectly well who you were. You were Kayn's closest friend, which is already a pretty impressive title considering Kayn has no friends. He might have many acquaintances, but he could count his true friends with one hand. He knew you were nice, funny, good at playing League and liked to play guitar. Yone didn't really care, but Kayn couldn't stop talking about you. He was surprised at your apparent interest in writing music since his friend had never mentioned it. 

"Is it for Kayn?" He asked directly about the song. Your eyes widened at how quickly he deciphered the lyrics.

"What?! Of course not!" You blurted out blushing. Yone gave you a dubious look as he handed your notebook back. 

"By the color of your face, I can determine that you are lying" Your head fell in defeat. 

"Please don't tell Kayn. It's a surprise," You begged. Yone nodded in camaraderie. As a songwriter, he understood that songs are sacred and confidential until one wishes to share them. 

"Your song has potential, is it the one you will perform in the talent show?" he inquired. You just nodded. His serious expression did not allow you to decipher his true intentions. 

"Do you think Kayn will like it?" You asked him with a light blush running down your cheeks in awkwardness. Yone thought about his answer. 

"I've never seen Kayn listening to a romantic ballad, that sounds more like Ezreal's style," Yone answered as he approached one of the storage lockers in the room. The reason he was there was to get back some amplifiers he had lent to a classmate.  

"But I can help you produce something he will like," he offered before stuffing the amps into his backpack. 

"Will you really help me?" You asked excitedly. 

"I like supporting new artists and I think I can polish the rough diamond you have in your hands," he explained, pointing to the music sheet. You smiled and thanked his kind offer. 

And like that, the days went by. Yone would invite you to his production room from time to time to work on the song. Together began to change some verses so that the lyrics flowed better. Yone changed your acoustic guitar for an electric one. You recorded your voice while he worked on uniting all the sounds to create a song so you could proclaim your love. 

Both were listening to the final version of the song. It was direct and fierce. The sound of the guitar next to the drums was made to catch anyone's attention, but it would definitely catch Kayn's. When it finished, you applauded the wonderful job Yone had done. 

"It's such a bop!" You shouted excitedly, unable to believe that you were the one singing. 

"Kayn won't know what hit him when I perform this bad boy!" You said enthusiastically. Yone smiled softly seeing you with so much energy, something that was unusual in you. 

"Can I ask you something?" Yone said. You looked at him curiously.

"Why don't you just tell him this in private? Why composing  and singing a song in front of everyone? Doesn't sound like something you'd do," Yone asked.

"Because I want him to look at me the way I look at him when he's on stage. I want him to see that I understand him and that I'm cool as well so that he wants to be with me," you explained with a smile plastered on your face thinking about his reaction. Yone nodded before saving the song file to his computer. You got up from your seat to grab your things. 

"You have something else to do?" You asked him. Yone said no. 

"I'll treat you to a coffee, it's the least I can do after tolerating me these couple weeks," You invited. Yone giggled. 

"Believe me, Kayn and the guys are lucky they're talented." He said tiredly. You just limited yourself to laugh. 

Both arrived at a coffee shop near Yone's apartment and ordered delicious drinks. You sat on a comfortable couch to enjoy your coffees while bossa nova covers played in the background. You liked Yone, he could be serious and a little bitter, but he was very kind. It was like you were hanging out with a cat. 

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" Yone asked while shaking his cold brew so that the ice would cool the coffee he was about to drink. 

Tomorrow was the talent show. Your nervous body was shaking but your mind was excited to finally show Kayn what you've been working on for him. 

"Yes, I'll practice all night and put on a nice outfit," you answered confidently. Yone sipped his drink as he watched you excitedly talking about your outfit choices. “I hope Kayn doesn't ruin it” he thought as he focused on seeing you smile. 

The bell that indicated the entry of new customers into the cafe rang. To both of your surprise, it was the other members of Heartsteel, Kayn among them. Your body froze and you looked at Yone worried but he was as calm as always. You tried telepathically telling him not to say anything about the song, but he already knew that. Sett became aware of your presence as soon as he entered. 

"Hey, Yone. I thought you said you'd be busy," Sett said as he approached you and the other members followed him. 

Kayn didn't know what to say as soon as he saw you sitting so closely to Yone. "What's going on here?" he wondered as his gaze bounced between you and his friend. You looked nervous, like you had been caught red-handed. 

"I was busy," Yone answered, pointing in your direction. 

"Doing what exactly?" Kayn questioned, placing himself in front of both of you. You were going to answer but Yone beat you to it. 

"I'm helping her with her performance for the talent show," Yone explained calmly. 

"That's true?" Kayn asked you directly with a grim expression. 

"Yes, he has helped me a lot," you responded nervously, which Kayn obviously noticed. 

He knew you were lying. You were a terrible liar. Kayn needed to know what was really going on. 

"Really? Because it seems like you lovey doveys are on a date," Ezreal stirred the pot without knowing. Aphelios whack him for saying such thing. 

Date. That was the word that broke Kayn. “Are they really on a date?” He thought as if he couldn't understand the situation when it was so obvious. Yone and you being alone, him suddenly being busy the last two weeks without telling anyone what he was doing, and that time where you took a while to answer his messages. It was as if Kayn had finally put the whole puzzle together but he was forcing pieces into the incorrect places. “They're dating” he convinced himself that what was in front of him was reality. 

"I have to go," Kayn said suddenly before quickly leaving the premises. No lame excuses, he just left. 

You noticed that something wasn't right when Kayn slammed the door of the establishment, so you got up and left after him without apologizing to anyone. You went out into the street and looked for Kayn to see which way he had taken. To your surprise, he was nowhere to be seen. “He's fast,” you thought before heading to the right… when Kayn had gone left. 

After not being able to find him, you sent him a Discord message to make sure everything was okay but he didn't reply. You decided to leave him alone and see him at the talent show. “Maybe he's just jealous that I became friends with someone else” you thought, trying to find the logic in Kayn's illogical behavior. 

The day of the long-awaited talent show had finally arrived. The school auditorium was filled with students, family members and journalists waiting to see an incredible show. Your nervousness and anxiety increased as soon as you entered backstage. Beautiful girls in pretty leotards, guys going over their lines and clowns bombarded your field of vision and you didn't know who to see. You held tightly the strap of the electric guitar case that Yone had lent you for the performance. You took a deep breath and entered the place. 

You ran into the Heartsteel members among all the contestants. Everyone was there except Kayn. “That's weird” you thought. Ezreal and K'Sante complimented your black dress when they saw you, you thanked them while stuttering because you hardly knew them. Yone asked you how you felt and you told him that you would do your best. 

"We'll go bowling after the contest, do you wanna come?" Ezreal asked excitedly. You looked around wondering if Kayn was coming. 

"Kayn is going," Yone commented to reassure you. In that case, you accepted. 

Just then, you heard Kayn's voice behind you... along with the laughter of a girl. He entered backstage holding the volleyball captain by the waist. They looked good together. Too good. Your breathing hitched and your heart broke when you saw them so close together. 

"See you later, beautiful." Kayn said goodbye to her as he released her so she could go with the girls in her group. 

Their gazes met. Kayn's heart sped up when he saw you in that pretty dress that allowed him to see your nice legs while yours felt like it was fading little by little. He approached you to look at you closely, trying not to say anything flirty.  

"First time I see you in a dress, good for you," Kayn commented, pretending he didn't care about your glow up. "That's all?" you asked yourself, remembering how indecisive you were picking out an outfit the night before. So much effort and all for nothing. At that unenthusiastic reaction, you only thanked in a whisper. 

"Hey, Kayn. You’re going bowling with us, right?" Sett asked. Kayn held his forehead dramatically. 

"Oh man! I forgot about it! I just invited a super hot chick on a date," he flexed. You couldn't keep listening to him. You needed to get out of there. 

"I'll go deliver my sound," you said before quickly leaving. You could feel everyone's eyes on you as you walked away, causing the anxiety to take over you. 

The Heartsteel members glared at Kayn. Everyone was confused by his asshole attitude. It wasn't new of him, but they had never seen him act like that with you. Yone was the one who was the most pissed off. 

"What are you doing?" Yone asked as he crossed his arms. 

“Nothing, I just said that I won't be able to go bowling tonight,” Kayn answered obviously as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. 

"Don't act oblivious." Yone scoffed, approaching him suddenly. K’Sante stepped between them to prevent the situation getting physical. 

"Guys, we just signed a contract, we can't fight now." K'Sante said trying to lighten the situation. 

"I didn’t do anything. I don't know why you care so much," Kayn said, ignoring his friend's comment.

"It's obvious you tried to hurt her," Yone said, pointing out his clear intentions. 

"Good for you. This way you'll have another excuse to go out with her," Kayn barked. Aphelios rolled his eyes when he discovered the reason for his attitude. 

"I knew it was about that," Yone said, walking away from K'Sante to make it clear that he had no intention of fighting. 

"If I had known you would act like an idiot, I wouldn't have helped her," he said seriously. Kayn was surprised to hear that. 

"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked, calmer, but still tense. 

"You'll have to listen to it yourself." Yone said before heading to one of the sound booths with Aphelios. Kayn just watched them in disbelief, still processing the information he had just heard. 

"Kayn, you must set your pride aside or it will eat you alive," K'Sante advised him before patting him on the shoulder a couple of times. Kayn felt lost. He didn't even know what he was doing or why he was doing it. 

Your mind was a mess. You hadn't stepped foot into the ring and you had already been knocked out. How had you gotten to this point? A few months ago, Kayn was just another cute boy and it was enough for you to just see him from time to time at school. Now you were here, holding back the urge to cry to avoid ruining the makeup you had done for him and that he didn't even appreciate. You were waiting for your turn to perform while you were tempted by the idea of ​​going home. “I'll just play and leave” you thought as you prepared the guitar. 

"You look nervous," someone next to you commented. It was Kayn. You dodged his gaze so he wouldn't see you sad. 

"I'm fine," you lied. He realized. “Now she is really upset?” he thought worried. You weren't just upset, you were disappointed in yourself. How could you be so stupid to think you had a chance just because you were talking to him now? 

"I like to think that I am in a place that I really like when I perform. Just think that you are practicing there and you will be fine," He advised you as he patted your head. 

Given the intimate move, you decided to take a peek at him. Kayn was smiling at you. This time it wasn't a mocking or flirtatious smile, it was a genuine and calm one. He was proud of you. Now you remembered why you had worked so hard on the performance. You wanted to see that look he was giving you in that precise moment. “Please never stop looking at me like that” you thought. 

The host brought you back to reality. Your turn had finally arrived. You took a deep breath and walked onto the stage. The applause of the audience received you warmly as you positioned yourself in the center with your guitar. You glanced at Kayn, who looked at you expectantly. “A place that I really like…” you quoted, thinking about the music room. You imagined yourself sitting on the bench with Kayn in front of you, waiting for you to play the first note. 

♫ This is the last chance. The only one where my soul overflows. ♫

Your fingers trembled as soon as you started, but you tried to maintain your composure. The drums sounded behind you so that your guitar was the center of attention and the piano accompanied your voice. The beating of your heart agitated you but the memories with Kayn calmed you. 

♫ Want to look you in the eyes. You are the lust that never managed to satisfy. ♫

Kayn watched you from the side, not believing what his ears were listening to. His eyes went up and down observing your anatomy. He wanted to tattoo your image in his mind so that he would never forget it. Kayn was speechless, but he didn't want to say anything because he just wanted to listen to you. 

 ♫ My engine revs when you're around. You set me on fire and I consume myself again. ♫

"She worked really hard on it," Yone mentioned approaching Kayn as music exploded from the speakers. Kayn looked at him stunned. 

"You knew," He said, finally completing the entire puzzle with the pieces in the correct places. 

"She composed it herself. I just helped with the instrumentalization," Yone explained without taking his eyes off you like a proud teacher. 

"We never went on a date. She's crazy for you," he continued. Kayn just smiled at that.  

♫ Give me a kiss, I’m only asking for one, my love. ♫

You sang from your heart. You no longer cared if Kayn stopped talking to you and left with the captain. You finally felt free. More than singing, you proclaimed each verse you had written with a passion that you didn't know you had inside. You loved Kayn, you loved him very much and you wouldn't stop loving him until he gave you a good reason to do so. You wanted to be always with him even if you were just friends.

♫ Stop my suffering. Stay with me. ♫

You played the last note and the applause rained down on you, but there was only one that truly mattered. You looked at Kayn applauding you, not caring if his hands were hurt from the impact. A sigh of relief escaped from your lips when you saw that he liked it.

You returned backstage to more applause coming from your classmates and Heartsteel. You smiled shyly as you placed the guitar on your back. 

"Wow, you really know how to rock!" Sett exclaimed, fascinated. 

"Thank you, I wouldn't have done it without Yone," you acknowledged him before looking at Kayn, making it clear to him that there was nothing between you. 

"You looked amazing, I knew you would do great," Kayn said before ruffling your hair in a friendly manner. You couldn't help but smile at the attention he was giving you. 

"Finally, what everyone has been waiting for! Let's welcome Heartsteel to the stage!" The host announced. 

"It's our turn!" Sett said excitedly as the members walked out onto the fierce stage. Kayn stayed back for a second.

"I want you to look at me," Kayn requested seriously before following them. You could only nod obediently. 

♫ Two sides to a story, but they never tell my side. Never been the kinda guy to stay inside the guidelines. ♫

The iconic melody began to play. The audience went crazy and people were singing excitedly. Several of your classmates crowded next to you to watch the performance. “Kayn looks great as always” you thought as you watched him rap with his cool flow. 

"I love you, Kayn!" A girl next to you shouted that you didn't see before because you were stunned by Kayn's performance. 

It was the captain. Kayn's girl. “Here we go again…” you thought before the avalanche of insecurities took over your body again. While listening to Paranoia, you realized something. “I already did what I had to do, now I can go home” you thought as you turned around and disappeared among the tsunami of students. 

♫ They prayin' for the death of the rockstar. ♫ 

The song ended. The members' ears were greeted by the roar of the public. Everyone was happy, even Kayn... until he realized that you weren't among the people applauding. You had abandoned him. A panic sensation took over his body and he needed to act immediately. He didn't hesitate to run off the stage to go after you. 

“You're so dumb, it's like you've never dealt with a woman before!” he thought, annoyed with himself before leaving the auditorium. His eyes searched for you in panic. If he let you go, he would lose you. He ran all over campus looking for you. He was grateful to have an athletic body so he could run at full speed after an energetic performance. 

He finally left campus and saw you sitting on a bench waiting for the bus that would take you home. You looked sad, as if you were holding back tears. Kayn ran over to you and pulled you out of your seat so you would get up. 

"I told you... to look… at me!" He said angrily with his voice cracking from fatigue. You were so shocked by the state he was in that you forgot you were about to cry. He was bathed in sweat, his hair was messy, and he had lost one of his piercings. 

"But I did see you, you did great," You said, confused. His hands wrapped around your wrists tightly carefully so he wouldn’t hurt you. It was like he was afraid you would run away again.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, catching his breath. 

"I'm going home. What are you doing here? The captain must be waiting for you," You asked, still confused. Kayn took a deep breath and looked into your eyes. He was ready to confess his crimes. 

"I lied. I don't have a date tonight. I was just jealous of Yone and wanted to make you feel the same. I'm sorry," He confessed heavily, feeling guilty for his actions. 

"What?" Your eyes widened at that unexpected revelation. 

"The girl is from my class and is a Heartsteel fan. She wanted help getting closer to Yone," he sounded like he regretted his actions, as if he were about to cry as well. You couldn't believe what you were hearing. 

"You look so hot. You have no idea how much I wanted to tell you," he said with a mischievous smile as if that was going to fix something when you were still more lost than a child alone in a busy mall on Christmas. 

"What?" You repeated, not knowing what to say. Kayn took your hand and pulled you to him. 

"Let's go somewhere more private." He said as he guided you. 

The school was empty because everyone was in the auditorium. Kayn ended up leading you to the music room. It was becoming a habit for both to meet there from time to time. A custom that, unfortunately, would last only a little longer. You left your guitar in the entryway as you watched Kayn trying to find the best words to start the conversation. 

"Do you know why my relationships don't last?" He asked, embarrassed. 

“Don't say it, don't say it '' you repeated to yourself in your mind. You knew perfectly well the reason. His girlfriends didn't last long because he had a mad personality. You had listened to Rhaast complain about his countless girlfriends for over two years, thinking how lucky you were to not fall into his charisma. Oh, how the tables turn, huh?

"Because you are... an idiot?" You finally responded. “Shit, I said it!” You scolded yourself. Kayn let out a malicious chuckle. 

"An idiot you wrote a song for," He finished off and destroyed you. You felt like your soul detached from your body and it didn't know how to get back. Your head hang in surrender. 

"Did Yone tell you?" You asked with a thin voice. 

"In the end, I was right. You're crazy for me," he said, still smiling to himself, but his serious expression returned when he remembered why he had brought you in the first place. It wasn't time to flirt. 

"But you're right, I'm an asshole. That's why everyone cuts me off when they realize. I'm not patient, I'm rude, I hate a lot of people, I drive like a maniac, I don't like being bombarded with attention but I also don't like not being given attention, and well, you know, a lot of other things..." He explained, still embarrassed. This caused him to recap in his mind every girlfriend he had in the past. 

"Most girls approach me because of how cool I look and am, but they break up with me when they realize who I really am," he explained. 

He also explained that this not only happened with girls, but also with ex friends. He told you that he used to be in another band before Heartsteel and that they kicked him out because he was a “troublemaker.” It was the first time you saw Kayn open up in such a way. He finally felt comfortable enough to vent to you. 

"Then I met you. We've been talking for two years and you never judged me when I thought I could never change who I am. Today you showed me that I can. I just needed motivation to do so, and that's you," he said before reaching out to take your hands. It was something he had done before, but this time felt different. It's like he was finally holding a valuable and fragile object. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, it's just that I couldn't bear losing you like the others. You are the most important person in my life," he said as he tenderly caressed your knuckles with his thumbs. 

The information was still being processed in your mind. You didn't know how to react, you still couldn't believe that Kayn thought that way about you. You were relieved that you at least had a special place in Kayn's mind, in his heart you didn't know, but in his mind it was obvious. 

His hands cupped your flushed cheeks. Kayn looked into your eyes, then lowered his gaze for a second to your lips and then brought it back up again. His thumbs caressed your skin with a tenderness you didn't think he was capable of. 

"I want you to be by my side forever," He whispered so that you were the only person in the world who could hear him. Your heart began to jump with joy upon hearing that your most precious wish was being granted to you. 

His touch felt like a dream, his eyes gave you warmth and his words were full of hope. You whispered his name, letting him know that you wanted the same thing. Kayn bravely reduced the distance between you. His lips brushed against yours and you felt like your feet were no longer touching the ground. 

Kissing Kayn was like sailing through a storm. His kisses were fierce and volatile but his hands running along your waist gave you security so you could enjoy the adrenaline. You hugged him by the neck to get closer to him, melting into each other. Kayn deepened the kiss, causing you to step back until your back hit the wall behind you. 

Even though he already had experience with other girls, Kayn was enjoying every second as if it were his first time. Their lips moved in sync as if you had done this before. He didn't hesitate to stick his tongue inside your mouth which caught you off guard because you didn't have much experience, but you trusted him and just let yourself go. 

Kayn ran his hands over your body without any shame. He didn't care at all if anyone saw you, he wanted to enjoy that first kiss to the fullest. The fingers of his right hand tickled your hips while the other one grabbed your butt tightly. It was the first time Kayn felt so grateful with the gods to be with someone as cool and patient as you. 

"Kayn, don't do that... Ouch!" You scolded him as soon as he bit your neck. He coldly planned to leave you a deep purple hickey for everyone to see. You tried to stop him but the vampire didn't want to leave your neck alone. He only stopped because his phone started ringing. He reluctantly moved away from your neck to answer. It was Ezreal. 

"Hey, Kayn! Where are you?! We won the cont-!" Kayn hung up on him because he had more important matters to attend to. 

"Kayn! Don't give me a hickey! My mom can see it!" You scolded him as he looked at you tenderly. He couldn't take you seriously when your face looked like a tomato. He silenced you with another kiss that you gladly received. 

Finally, he was all yours. You have achieved it, how? You still didn't know exactly how but you were happy with the result even though you thought he was out of your league. 

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Masterlist.

[writing-with-olive]

Doing activism when you can't leave your home

A lot of times when we think of activism, we think of marches and irl community events and stuff like that. But what can you do if you can't leave your home and don't have a ton of extra cash on hand? (Note that these are ideas to get you thinking, not an exhaustive list. Feel free to send me an ask if you want more in-depth info)

Important: it's really hard to keep up activism if you're burnt out or physically exhausted. If you're stuck at home because you are recently injured or are actively sick, or anything else that requires you to take care of yourself first, do that. Same for chronic illness; mind your flare-ups and play the long game. There will always be more activism for you to do when you've got the resources for it.

Outreach Options

Call your representatives. This can be at any level: city, state, federal, etc. A lot of decisions can be influenced if a lot of people call on a major thing, saying "hey you gotta pass this" or "absolutely do not vote for it." Similarly, if there's a more niche bill happening, fewer voices can also have an outsized impact. If you wanna combine your efforts with the efforts of other people, consider getting on the newsletter of organizations like Indivisible, who can help you stay up-to-date and provide resources for staying involved.

Build call scripts. For a lot of people, calling can be really scary, either because they don't know what to say, or because talking on the phone just isn't their thing. If you're in the latter, group, you can still help people in the former. If there's a bill or issue that a representative is going to be voting on in the future that you want to make your voice heard about, you can use a template like this one and post it so that other people can use it.

Send emails to your city council. City councils generally have a public comment date each month with the option to submit a written comment if you can't be there in person. If there is an issue you want to see addressed in your city, reach out that way.

Write an op-ed. If you have a local paper that has options available for this, consider writing a piece as it relates to whatever cause you're championing. Guidelines can differ by paper, but it can be a good way to get an idea out.

Use social media to talk about an issue. Generally this works better if you have something to add or are staying with a particular topic, rather than simply waving around all the issues under the sun, because the latter can cause your posts to get lost in the noise. For example, while I talk about an abundance of problems on my blog, my focus is activism education and helping people see ways that they can get engaged personally, and posts like that tend to get the most traction.

Research Options

Get involved in citizen science. You can check out sites like Zooniverse to find ways that you can help. In a lot of disciplines, multiple (the number varies by discipline) random people processing data can be about as accurate as one trained person, because the duplicity helps to balance out the errors one person will make. Lots of projects in climate science, archival work, linguistics, cosmology, and a bunch of others need help analyzing the large amounts of data they've collected, so you can be a part of the work that's trying to address world problems.

Keep an eye on local or organizational goings-on. This one pairs with outreach, as it's really only helpful insofar as you're able to do something with the information you gather, but lots of news isn't going to really focus on a city-level committee or something unless they take particularly flashy action. If there's local politics that live-stream their meetings, you can tune in. Lots of patterns are slow to arise and take multiple meetings to notice, but once you've got your bearings you can talk to other people about taking action in response. For example, I once noticed a previous mayor was more likely to shut down conversation during meetings if she was talking to an individual than she was if she was talking to a business rep. That small detail was a large contributing factor to the way my locality was getting gentrified, and once I noticed it, I was able to draw attention to it.

Help teach others. This isn't so much research on your end, but rather helping others get the skills for it. There may be other platforms that are useful for this, but the one I've got experience with is Upchieve, which is volunteer text-based tutoring for low income students who otherwise wouldn't have access to out-of-class help. It's a "whenever you feel like it" model, and will pair you with students who are on at the same time you are and need help in something you're prepared to help them with.

IRL Local Organizing Options

Host organizing meetings. Obviously this is going to depend a lot on your situation, but if you want to be a part of meetings but can't leave your home, you might still be able to invite people over, and make some of the work happen where you're at.

Help out with prep work for events. Maybe you can't help with the public facing side of an event, but if a whole bunch of envelopes need to be stuffed beforehand, or baking needs to happen for a sale, or supplies need to be sorted into boxes, or other similar assembly needs to happen, you can ask another member of your organization to drop the components off at your place, and let them know when it's set to get picked up again.

Do some of the logistics work. It's not sexy, but activism groups live or die based on how well they can keep track of their resources, who's doing what, and what upcoming plans are. If you can manage a spreadsheet or keep internal communications going, that can be vital. Maybe you can't be in person, but if you are providing operations information to the people who can, you'll still be invaluable.

[mariacallous]

The tragedy of New York Mayor Eric Adams, who’s facing a dizzying number of investigations targeting him and his inner circle, was foreseeable. Indeed, it was foreseen. 

“We all know you’ve been investigated for corruption everywhere you’ve gone,” a rival candidate said to the then-Brooklyn borough president during a mayoral debate in 2021. “You’ve achieved the rare trifecta of corruption investigations.”

That didn’t deter Democratic voters, and Adams — an ex-cop and native son of the city who ran on his biography and a promise to restore public safety after crime rates and fears shot up during the pandemic — eked out a victory in the party’s closed primary, which made him a sure thing to be the city’s 110th mayor and just its second Black one. 

nce that was official, Adams proclaimed himself the “future” and the “face of the new Democratic Party.” He also started publicly partying all night at clubs, sometimes with felonious friends, when he wasn’t talking about how God had told him 30 years ago he’d be the mayor in 2022 and should share that good news with the world — something he’d never publicly mentioned before winning the election. 

The new mayor immediately brought in a crew of cronies with sullied records, including a deputy mayor for public safety overseeing the NYPD, Phil Banks, who’d abruptly retired as the chief of department in 2014. 

Banks left that post about a year before it came out that he’d been an unindicted co-conspirator in a case involving two guys who went to prison for bribing the previous mayor. One of them testified they’d treated the police chief to plane trips around the world and the services of a prostitute when they weren’t smoking cigars and storing their diamonds in the chief’s office at One Police Plaza. 

Banks, who’s denied any wrongdoing but says he regrets the association, had his home hit and his phones seized in the FBI’s synchronized early-morning raids last week. Again, he said through an attorney he’s done nothing wrong. 

Those raids, though, are a sign that this new probe is far enough along for prosecutors to go public with it — and get a federal judge to sign off on their concerns that the deputy mayor for public safety and the police commissioner might destroy evidence if given the opportunity. 

Last week’s raids were reportedly distinct from earlier raids of top Adams allies in two previously reported probes being conducted by two different federal prosecutors, who both needed sign-off from Justice Department bosses in Washington, D.C., to go after the mayor of America’s biggest city. 

There’s the ongoing investigation into Adams’ travel and ties to Turkey, along with campaign cash that appears tied to the Turkish government. And the ongoing investigation into Adams’ travels and ties to China, along with campaign cash given through secret donors. The mayor had his cellphone seized by FBI agents last year as part of that case. 

And now two new investigations that appear to be about influence schemes involving Adams’ appointees at the highest levels of his police department and administration steering public money to family members.

In just three years, Adams has bested his old corruption probe trifecta: There are now four separate, though possibly overlapping, federal investigations targeting his inner circle and the mayor himself.

No one has been charged with any wrongdoing in those investigations, and Adams says he always follows the law while asking the public to respect the process and withhold judgment. 

New Yorkers might know more soon, as the feds have already impaneled at least one grand jury. With the city’s primary next June, prosecutors are up against long-standing Justice Department guidelines about not having cases interfere with elections.

But New Yorkers are already rendering a verdict in the court of public opinion. Adams at the end of last year hit the lowest approval rating ever recorded for a New York mayor as voters have been choking on all this smoke, also including the corruption trial of his former buildings commissioner, the guilty pleas from members of a crew including another ex-cop and old friend of the mayor’s for their own straw-donor scheme involving his campaign, and the guilty plea of a Chinese billionaire who also sneaked money into his campaign, as well as those of other American politicians. 

Tim Pearson, another ex-cop and old friend of Adams’ who now runs a shadowy new mayoral oversight agency, also had his phones seized by the FBI last week. Pearson has been accused in multiple civil suits of ruining the career of a police officer who wouldn’t sleep with him and the supervisors who tried to protect her while hunting for “crumbs” of his own from city contracts. Taxpayers are covering his legal bills at the mayor’s behest and over the objections of the city’s former top lawyer, who was then pushed out. 

So many of Adams’ problems seem to involve the gap between his mantra of “stay focused and grind” and his need to swagger and test limits. 

Polling shows New Yorkers still like much of his agenda but don’t like him or how he’s executing it. He keeps repeating “crime is down” but not saying down from when or how much, and the data is mixed and most New Yorkers don’t really believe him. 

It hasn’t helped that Adams’ police department is increasingly unhinged in its public communications, with one reporter at the cop-friendly New York Post getting attacked this week as a “f---ing scumbag” and the official NYPD account even giving me the wannabe Trump-y nickname “Harry ‘Deceitful’ Siegel” earlier this year. 

No wonder Democratic challengers are lining up to take on Adams next year, assuming he’s still there, in what would be the first contested primary against a Democratic incumbent since David Dinkins upset Ed Koch in 1989. 

Asked at a news conference Tuesday what he would do if he were indicted, Adams said he intended to remain as mayor and run for re-election before adding that he wouldn’t engage with hypotheticals.

The tragedy of Eric Adams is that he’s done this to himself.

[mistysgardenn]

i was randomly thinking. what would the ushers be like on your birthday (imagine you’re their friend or s/o or something)

perry: sorry you’re getting a designated orgy. he means well and at least he would try to be sweet…! he’d probably end up getting distracted by the party though. i’d like to think he’d make extra time for you on your birthday of all days but it’s a 50/50 chance i fear. he’d definitely apologize and try to make it up to you. if he does remember, he’d invite you over to his apartment for dinner and tv with some friends

camille: this woman is not acknowledging it at all. however, when you go to your desk, there’s a cute little cake and a gift she picked out for you (it was something you’d mentioned wanting in passing; she remembered). when you go to ask her about it and thank her, she threatens to sue you for breaching some random clause on some random nda. as you leave the room you catch a glimpse of her smiling though… she’s a softie deep down and i’m dying on that hill

leo: i can see him being thoughtful and caring when the day comes around. he understands what it’s like to be overlooked so he’d make sure to throw a huge party for you and make you the star of the show. i already know he’s inviting all your friends and family. the only downside to all this is that there would be a ton of drugs, which is on brand for him. he’d probably get hella stoned but hey at least it’ll be a fun party!

victorine: she’s too busy at work to do anything really special. i can see her maybe calling to wish you happy birthday; she’d definitely get you a gift and a cake, though. after she gets off work you two might have a nice dinner but she’d mostly talk about her day and complain about clinical trial guidelines, but you’re used to it by now…

tamerlane: surprisingly, she’d be really sweet about it. yes she’d be intense, but her usual energy would translate perfectly into a passion for making sure you have a great birthday. you’d do a variety of activities together and she’d probably show you off to anyone she could find. still, she’d be extremely sharp-tongued with anyone who gets in the way of your birthday dinner (those poor waiters…)

frederick: there’s a lot to unpack here. we know he cared a lot for his family before everything went downhill, so honestly he’d probably devote a lot of time to your birthday festivities. he’d get you a super fancy cake and decorate his (insanely big) house with a lot of decorations! honestly he’s a really sweet guy who got corrupted by… a lot of things. but he does care as long as you don’t betray his trust

madeline: i think she would be fairly normal. you’d get a call or text wishing you well, and you’d find a cake and gift delivered to your home. she’d invite you out for a nice, private candlelit dinner, but that’s the extent of the festivities. i can’t see her wanting to do anything flashy; she’d like you to herself and to make sure everything around the two of you is under her control

roderick: the bare minimum. the only reason he’d go out of his way to give you a cake or anything is to make himself look good in the public eye… if it’d make a good news story, expect the most expensive cake money can buy. otherwise you’d get a text if you’re lucky. a birthday dinner is stretching it but maybe if he’s in a good mood he’d take you somewhere nice

not technically an usher but i love her too much to exclude her so here’s a bonus

verna: a birthday spent with verna would undoubtedly be the best you’ve ever had. like… she’s been everywhere and done everything. she’d know exactly what you’d like and make sure to tailor it to your preferences. quite literally, the sky is the limit. but, at the end of the day, you’d get to spend some quality time with her doing whatever you enjoy—maybe a cozy dinner or something along those lines

[beardedmrbean]

I heard we are now at the cusp of chlamydia being untreatable via antibiotics, fun times

In United States, drug-resistant gonorrhea is a public health problem of national concern. But untreatable gonorrhea isn’t the only STD that has health officials worried.

Earlier this week, the World Health Organization released new treatment guidelines for three common sexually transmitted diseases — chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis— in response to increasing antibiotic resistance.

Gonorrhea has developed the strongest resistance to drugs, but the worries about untreatable syphilis and chlamydia come at a time when rates for the three STDs are rising rapidly in the U.S, especially among young people ages 20 to 24. According to data published by the CDC in 2014, the most recent year available: cases of chlamydia have increased 2.5 percent; gonorrhea 5.1 percent; and syphilis 15.1 percent. This is the first increase in the United States since 2006.

How worried should we be?

“STDs are hidden epidemics of enormous health and economic consequence in the United States,” according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

In the US, STDs are most frequent among college-age women, the highest prevalence being among women, ages 20 to 24.

According to the CDC, there are about 820,000 new gonorrhea infections each year in the United States. In fact, gonorrhea is the second most commonly reported infectious disease, after chlamydia.

In the past, gonorrhea was successful treated by several classes of antibiotics, including the ubiquitous penicillin. Over time, however, gonorrhea has developed resistance to many of them, and now, we are down to one recommended effective class of antibiotics to treat it.

The problem doesn’t end there. Gonorrhea is even starting to show decreased susceptibility to this “last line” treatment option. This makes this bacterium a multidrug-resistant organism, which are often called “superbugs”.

As for chlamydia and syphilis, drug resistant strains have not become common in the US yet, but the WHO report warns that this is a growing problem in many parts of the world.

How can untreatable STDs be prevented?

Anyone who is sexually active can get an STD.

That said, STDs are preventable and there are steps you can take to keep yourself and your partner healthy. Remember that protecting your health is your responsibility:

Condoms: Use them correctly every time you have sex.

Have fewer partners: Ideally, agree to only have sex with one person who agrees to only have sex with you.

Talk with your partner: Talk with your sex partner about STDs and staying safe before having sex.

Get tested: Make sure you both get tested to know for sure that neither of you has an STD.

Get vaccinated: Safe and highly effective vaccines are available for two STDs: hepatitis B and HPV. HPV is in fact the most common STD. There are specific recommendations for routine and catch up vaccinations for these two STDs. ____________________

This is from 2016 and I cut a bunch out of the middle.

2nd bullet point there probably gonna make some people grumpy, something about suggesting monogamy makes people mad.

[tanthamore-events]

Tanthamore Week May 2023 Info (updated)

What is Tanthamore Week?

Tanthamore Week 2023 is a week-long fanwork creation celebration for the pairing Jade Claymore/Kit Tanthalos from the TV show Willow (2022), running from May 22-28, 2023. The theme is “Season 2”!

How does it work?

You create fan content aligning with one of the prompts and post it during the week! You can use the tags and AO3 collection to organise, and we will reblog/post some of the creations.

There are seven prompts, one for each day – they are general and then we have provided specific ideas for each of them. You don’t have to use any of the specific ones.

You don’t have to create something for every day! You don’t have to adhere strictly to the prompts! This is meant to be as inclusive and accessible as possible. There are no word minimums or maximums, no requirements for art size or approach, etc. You can write a long fic that hits each of the prompts, or a drabble for only one prompt – anything is welcome.

All types of fan content are welcome: art, fic, vids, fan mixes, rec lists, etc. If it’s transformative, it’s welcome!

You can add your work to the collection on AO3 here if you would like (use the "Post to Collection" button).

All content should be in some way related to Tanthamore, and to the overall theme of “Season 2”, but other than that, feel free to interpret the prompts and guidelines however you like. We are not going to police your work!

All ratings and content warnings are welcome, but please tag it appropriately (on AO3, using the Archive warnings and rating system as you please, and on Tumblr, with tags that communicate the content in a manner similar to the archive warnings.

Any questions can be asked using our ask box or emailed to us at tanthamoreweek@gmail.com.

Prompts

Day 1: A World of Fantasy

Everything Bavmorda

Tanthalos family history/family tree

Crone backstory

Who is Lili?

Blood of the Six

The history of Kael and/or the Bone Reavers

Who are the Mothers?

Fairies, mermaids, minotaurs, fantasy creatures of all kinds

The Wyrm / the Wyrmworld

Day 2: The Darkness Within

Character goes to the dark side / is evil

Jade gets corrupted by the Crone

Graydon emerges from the Immemorial City

Kit gets taken instead of Airk

Bavmorda corrupts the twins

Madmartigan comes back evil

Day 3: The Journey Home

Return to the Wildwood

Scorpia’s successful mission to free the slaves from Skellin

Vale of Boobs

Revisiting Ballantine's grave

How do they get back up the waterfall at the end of the world?

Return to Nockmaar

Rescuing Graydon

Sneaky kisses

Public kisses

Getting teased

Day 4: Preparing for the Long War

Drawing lines in the sand

Gathering allies

Training Arcs

Galladoorn and the Shining Legion become enemies of Tir Asleen

New allies

Day 5: Haunted

Haunted by decisions made in the past

Nightmares/bad dreams or memories

Supernatural spookiness

Characters are forced to face their fears

Madmartigan returns, and how Kit, Airk, and Sorsha respond

Finally talking about past events

Angst

Day 6: Countdown

Racing against time

Flashbacks

Time jumps

Characters have to be somewhere by a certain time/date

Day 7: Lessons learned

What was gained/what was lost

The Cuirass

Rediscoveries

Processing past events

Consequences of past actions

Understanding past mistakes

Training together

Really excited to see what everyone creates! Please spread the word to your Tanthamore-loving friends <3.

[girderednerve]

okay i said that i watch a lot of youtube & sadly this is true. i want to write about youtuber drama

okay the thing i am actually referring to is whatever weird thing is going on with gamers nexus & linus tech tips. the background summary is that linus (of tech tips) is a guy who managed to get pretty big on youtube talking about various computer-y topics, many of them gaming-focused, & parlayed this success into owning a company based in vancouver that employs more than 70 people to make videos & merchandise & so on; steve, of gamers nexus, is a guy who has done pretty well on youtube talking about various computer-y topics, mostly related to gaming, & now has like four employees in north carolina. linus tech tips does videos about a bunch of stuff; he has a boring podcast, & the channel does a bunch of product reviews & bad idea youtube bait videos (we got the biggest tv! kind of stuff), & so on. steve gamersnexus mostly does tech news & product reviews, but they really do well when some company messes up & then he can do outraged coverage about how consumers have been taken advantage of; he would really like to be thought of as a journalist who covers consumers' issues. last year he got mad at linus techtips because of how he handled a review product from a small company & also the warranty on one of the backpacks that linus sells; linus tech tips went into crisis mode last year, made some structural changes & adjusted some things, & apologized (clearly with the assistance of a crisis comms firm, lol). steve gamersnexus doubled down on being mad, then realized he sounded like a jerk & pulled that video, and then all was quiet.

until this year! there's a big stupid scandal going on about honey, a browser extension owned by paypal, that a lot of youtube influencers shilled for; honey is supposed to automatically find discount codes when you're online shopping, but it only looks at discount codes that merchants have shared with it (so not necessarily the best ones, or any at all) & also enters paypal as the affiliate referrer, which means that whatever youtuber affiliate link you might've clicked to buy whatever you're buying, that youtuber gets $0 & paypal gets the commission instead. linus techtips noticed that this was happening years ago & stopped shilling for honey, but didn't generously inform the whole community about it, so now steve gamersnexus is mad at him for that.

i don't care about these details in particular & i mostly find the whole 'creator'/'influencer' economy like, distasteful. everything is marketing now & i guess i read culturejammers stuff at a formative age but i don't like it. the thing i think is interesting is that these two people are in a public fight about what they're doing here on youtube; what are the community rules & expectations? what job are they doing? this is related to what i thought about the long hbomberguy youtube plagiarism callout video, too. is steve gamersnexus doing journalism? what does that entail? if you're a journalist, you're obliged to interact with your sources in a certain way, following a well-established set of ethical guidelines. linus techtips points this out & says that steve gamersnexus didn't operate that way, which appears to be true; steve gamersnexus has a long list of ethical principles on his website, but he's more or less written them from personal conviction (perhaps, less generously, what he thinks will play well), not derived them from j-school curricula. i'm not standing here saying, oh legacy journalism had this all figured out, i don't think that, but there was a generally agreed upon model for how to behave as a journalist. it's interesting to me because i think the 'big youtuber' or 'content creator' or 'influencer' or whatever is a fundamentally different job that leaves you with different audience expectations & personal pressures than working for like, a newspaper, and nobody has actually arrived at a consistent or articulable idea about what ethical behavior there looks like. youtubers copy each other, but then most of them are amateurs; does it matter? journalists shouldn't get into online slapfights, but journalists also usually don't have to shill t-shirts with zingy one-liners they said last week on them.

one major, obvious point here is that gamersnexus does better when there is some kind of thing to be mad about. this isn't unique at all, that's why there's a whole genre of youtube drama that is clearly designed to do well with audiences, because individual videos are monetized. but if you want to be a serious journalist, then you can't operate that way, right? you're not supposed to churn out SEO clickbait, because that's exactly the kind of shit that is easy to produce with an LLM, it contributes very little of value to anyone except advertisers. at the same time, you're running a business, more or less on your online persona, your face. journalists, actors, & so on all rely on professional reputation to have a career to some degree, but that's not the same thing; you don't need people to imagine that the wall street journal is their friend who speaks up for the little guy. so there are competing pressures & we can't decide what the right thing to do is, what exactly our responsibilities to one another are.

all this to say my favorite moment in linus techtips' latest crisis comms monologue is when he calls steve gamersnexus an influencer, because this isn't strictly an insult but is surely meant & received as one, despite being, i think, true. there's just a weird churning cultural problem around what media production should look like & who gets to be taken seriously & how, and i think it's a charged, usually unproductive conversation. relevant also that linus techtips has never claimed to be doing journalism, & has a different, vaguer model of integrity, which involves not lying in product reviews & being transparent about sponsored content. i think this is probably the way the wind blows, but it's easier to pick & choose when you're already doing well, & again this whole approach is pretty loose.

[coopzine]

hi! I’ve been following this blog for a while and tbh I think it’d be really fun to organize my own version of a free printable zine, but I’m not sure where I’d start lol. Any advice from what yall have learned?

Honestly, just start! Put together a little website or homebase, and make sure you have the essentials like submission guidelines, a bit about you as the editor, and explanation for what the zine is and why it exists, what you're hoping it will become. Figure out how you will take submissions (email? google form?) and put that in an easy to find location on your home base, and then see if you can get enough submissions to make your first zine! I find it's useful to be transparent about how/when you plan to communicate with any submitters.

It took us several months for our first edition that was open to the public to reach enough submissions to publish, and even then it was pretty slim. But we made our presence known both on social media and on Chill Subs which is where the majority of our literature submissions come from. In order to build a base of folks that submit, we connected with people who are involved in the chicken community. We talk about it in our personal lives to whoever will listen (I've gotten about half a dozen of my irl acquaintances to either submit or promise to submit in the future). I put COOP in my bio when I submit my stuff to other publications.

And then when we have enough submissions, I put them all in a little publication, using a template that I made once and didn't really have to make again (although I may have to when Microsoft Publisher dies in like 2 years or something 😭) I already felt confident in my document design and formatting abilities so that part was pretty easy.

Then we publish it to the site and let everyone know they should read it!

Each part felt like its own project:

- coming up with central idea

- building website and submission form (and maintaining them)

- establishing social media

- continuing to be active on it, or at least on tumblr. this is probably what takes up the most of my time

- going through submissions

-sending acceptance and rejection letters

- formatting and editing the document

- publishing and announcing the edition

- building a newsletter and using it to make announcements

-each special edition or special feature is its own little (or big) project

and we're always thinking of new things to try in each of these categories. we'll never be perfect which means there's always room for improvement (like when we transferred from a free site to our own domain, for example)!

I hope this helps!! Let me know if you have more specific questions! I'm always happy to talk about this stuff.

-Rook

[aichi-division]

𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚'𝐬 𝐌𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐢𝐫𝐬

Narrated by Shouta Takeda

Part 1: The beginning

Talking about my past is something I'm not used to. I don't think it's really an interesting topic, I mean, I don't think talking about a guy who was always abused by his family and never had a shred of luck in years is something entertaining for the public... shit, I'm sounding like a victim again.

Anyway, maybe this is an opportunity to express what I always tend to hide. I think my colleagues and friends deserve some kind of explanation as to why I am the way I am.

I lived most of my childhood in the downtown area of Tokyo. My family owns a major home appliance company, so you understand, they shit money. Having a lot of money necessarily implies complying with certain guidelines and standards. A bad management of the family economy implies a bad image to the public and my parents were very aware of this issue.

Yes, now you may wonder how someone like me could live such a luxurious life and end up a bum. The answer is quite simple, I broke the rules. Breaking things is something I've always been good at, honestly. My sin was to choose a path that my family despises. My mother, especially, could never look me in the eye after I confessed to her my interest in the arts.

"We raised you to be a Takeda, to be a future leader of our companies. You're so fucking ungrateful."

My parents and siblings have a very simple way to solve this type of problem. It's like when they serve you a menu you don't like at the restaurant. You just throw it away, stand up and walk away. Clearly I was able to pursue a career in the arts, but the cost was losing my entire family.

I was discarded as a piece of trash with no future and with the money I was entitled to by inheritance, I paid for my studies, lodging and any other stupid expenses that came my way. What I didn't see coming was my own inability to excel at the one thing I loved in this life.

Competing against a host of artists who clearly had greater talent and capabilities was something I had never considered. It was like a direct punch in the face. Honestly, it didn't hurt to lose my family, but it did hurt to give them the reason and satisfaction of my failure.

It is an indescribable rage, as if there were fire in my veins and I could not breathe without feeling like breaking everything. From there, everything began to fall into a hole, infinite, dark, impossible to get out of.

In all that chaos, I made several friends with the same bad luck as me, although they were burdened with something I didn't have at the time: addictions. I started with soft drugs, weed, nicotine…. But within a few months I was relying on methamphetamines, cocaine and starting on a path to heroin.

It's not something I'm proud to talk about. It was a hard time, where many times I behaved like a maniac. I convinced myself that the only way to be happy was through those syringes. It took me a long time to realize that reality was far from the mental construction I had of myself.

There was a time when things, our society, the norm had changed quite a bit. Women in power, competition, a new order of which I could understand little, as I was too stoned to realize it. I was living in a haze, in slow motion, living one second at a time, while everything was going to shit.

And it was there that I met the people to whom I owe my life: Issey and Eiji.

They found me in the Aichi district, who knows how, sitting on the sidewalk, humming some song while going through the worst hangover of my life. When they approached me, I really thought they would be one of those punk kids with their urge to beat up bums, pure Clockwork Orange style. What a surprise I got when I realized that they actually wanted to talk to me and recruit me in some so-called rap battles and I don't know what the fuck.

"I like your voice, do you know how to rap? It's not very difficult, you just have to have a good use of words and use a mic to…" Issey kept talking, so energetic and genuine that he sounded like a walking sunshine that would burn any bitter person like me.

“I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, kid.” I said, trying to decipher something that made sense out of all that monologue.

I think in the meantime, Eiji whispered something about me being a drug addict and that they shouldn't come near me, but Issey was very persistent. I actually smile every time I remember that moment. Things have changed a lot since that day.

Issey and Eiji became what I could really call a family. Being older, I had to take responsibility for their well-being and that forced me to change many aspects of myself, starting with rehabilitation.

The light of those two children made me realize a completely different path from what I had proposed and, above all, an opportunity to be a better version of me. I really hope that if Issey and Eiji read this, they know that I love them dearly and that I am very grateful and proud to be able to be their leader.

...ugh, I got sentimental again.

Anyway, I started living life again, starting all over again. I met a lot of people, started and ended relationships, fought a guy for a condom…. I think I'm at my peak.

I know this is the first part of a series of memoirs I should write later, but I think this pretty much sums up the road I've traveled to be who I am now. I'm not a cool guy, far from it.

But I am grateful for what I have.

[spoonfulofmilo]

ARTHUR X MALE VERSTAPPEN READER BLUB PRETTY PLEASE

alright here y'all go

my masterlist can be accessed here

Please keep requesting - y'all have awesome ideas we agree on a lot of stuff :) - my guidelines are here, and if you want some prompts, they are here.

also feel free to come in and start chatting to me in my asks, would love to get to know y'all better

and if you want to be added to my taglist lmk :)

i have an arthur leclerc x verstappen!male!reader mafia au coming soon, so stay tuned for that :)

So i think Y/N would’ve been born in 1999, and would’ve started formula 1 in 2017 at toro rosso (sorry brendon hartley)

Called up to red bull in 2019 (sorry pierre and alex)

(see that’s the one thing i hate about driver characters and readers, you have to screw other people over to give them seats)

And he’s still there (not sorry sergio)

Probably met arthur during 2020

Maybe some streams with him or in the paddock

They start chatting

And then y/n spends summer in monaco

And then christmas

And all of a sudden y/n gives arthur a good luck kiss before an f2 race 

And now they’re public

He never meets Jos, because Max and Y/N kick him out after 2022 season

Y/N wins the 2023 world championship

Honestly can you imagine the chaos of having a verstappen brother title fight 

Christian is the new dad now

Gives Arthur the dad talk and everything

Also Charles and Lorenzo briefly kidnap Y/N to give him the big brother talk

Arthur would be an amazing boyfie

Cause let’s be honest both max and y/n would be traumatised from jos

The chaos of a verstappen-horner-leclerc christmas day

y/n proposes after he wins the wdc and arthur wins the f2 championship in 2024 (shut up i’m in denial)

taglist: @leosxrealm