#and then this one cool guy that always comes in was here
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cosmosluckycharms · 3 days ago
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Bug Like Angel
pt4
See you soon
hey guys warning this chapter literally has none of the batfam here its highlighting reader being insterted into itsv-atsv
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It has been a year since you had gotten bitten.
You were now 14
Since then you've lost a couple of people.
Your Gwen Stacy, who was instead named [REDACTED], was killed while you were trying to stop the green goblin.
You lost an officer you were close to. He died while protecting a kid.
You lost someone you considered an uncle.
You were tired.
Since then you've been training yourself, secretly fighting crime to not be seen by your family, and getting stronger in general.
Every day was sortve the same. Wake up, get ready, go to school, come home, eat, fight crime, sleep, repeat.
It all changed one day.
You had just gotten back from patrol.
You stopped 3 muggings and saved a cat from a tree.It was a slow day, thankfully.
You were doing your homework peacefully.
You were almost done with your algebra homework when suddenly a portal popped up right next to you.
You couldn't process anything as the portal sucked you up and took you in.
The next thing you knew, you were stuck in an alternate universe with other versions of you.
And you had to get home soon ASAP no rocky if you didn't wanna die.
And that be all fine and dandy.
Except you didn't wanna get attached to anyone.
You didn't want them to exclude you and you to follow them around like a lost puppy like you did with your family.
And guess what?
You did get attached.
Peni, a small kid who was in a tiny robot fighting, was like a little sister to you.
Peter B. Parker, ham, and Noir were all like uncles to you.
gwen and Miles were your cool older siblings.
You loved them.
And you hated that.
Because you knew deep down, you wouldn't get to see each other again.
You all were destined to be apart, due to your separate universes.
You got attached.
You were attached to noir and how his coat smelled like cigarettes and milkshakes.
You were attached to Ham and how he always cracked jokes when things got tense and awkward.
You were attached to peter b and how he talked about his past experiences.
You got attached to Peni and how she would use stickers everywhere.
You got attached to Miles and how stupidly awkward he was with Gwen.
You got attached to Gwen and how she gave you the advice you always needed.
Fuck.
You didn't wanna go back to the manor.
This is the happiest you've been in a while.
This is home.
You can go on patrol here without worrying that your family might see you.
You are constantly smiling and laughing with the people here.
You're constantly wishing you could stay here forever.
Other than the constantly painful glitching, you're so happy and excited.
You never wanna leave.
You were so proud of Miles and how he got everyone home.
You cried as soon as you landed back in your room.
You sobbed into your pillow. You're gonna miss them.
No one even noticed you were gone for a week.
No one noticed how bruised up you were.
No one noticed how sad you looked.
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It's been 5 months since then.
You got invited to join the Spider Society.
Miguel saw you on patrol trying to fight an anomaly and failing miserably due to you never fully getting actual training.
You were trying! It's just that you didn't want your family to see you so its sort of hard to control a whole glitching green goblin...
Miguel took you into the spider society.
You saw peter b in Miguel's office and immediately tackled him into a hug and cried a little.
You learned that due to being a mix of two multiverses (Marvel and DC) your canon events were a tiny bit messed up.
Miguel explained everything, but everything was going through one ear and out the other.
You wondered if the others were here too.
You wondered if they missed you like you missed them.
Miguel could see how spaced out you were.
"What's wrong, Mija?"
"Are the others here? Like Gwen, Miles, ham, noir, and Peni? I know Peter's here, I saw him just now, but what about the others?"
He went on to explain how they hadn't been invited yet.
Later on, you begged him to at least invite Peni.
He couldn't resist your puppy dog eyes, so he said yes.
Since being introduced into society, you've slowly started getting used to just doing everything here.
You would go into Miguel's office for hours and hours just to be around him.
He was like the father you always wanted!
He would listen to you complain about your family, and he would always lend a shoulder to cry on.
On multiple occasions, he had to carry you back to your bed in your universe because you'd fall asleep in his office on the floor.
You both have gotten close.
Miguel was your emergency contact, always there when you needed him. Despite his intimidating appearance to others, he was never scary to you.
At one point you saw Gwen again, finally!
You were so happy! one step closer to getting everyone together again!
Slowly, you saw everyone again.
..Everyone except Miles.
You didn't understand, why not Miles?
You asked Miguel and he went on a tangent that did not make sense and went through one ear and out the other.
You did get to meet Pavitr and Hobie.
Pavitr was your twin! You guys had similar personalities and had twin telepathy.
You both were around the same age and everything!
Hobie is SO COOL!
He taught you how to play your guitar! You were finally getting a hang of it!
He was like the older brother you never had!
You wanted to be like him so bad!
When he and Gwen jokingly said they wanted to start a band, you wanted to!
A couple of months later, you saw miles again!
It wasn't in the best circumstances.
You had just gotten back from school. You were in your room scrolling on your phone, when suddenly your spidey senses tingled.
You saw Gwen hop out of a portal in the middle of your room.
"Hey! I kinda sort of need your help."
"what's going on?" you asked, tilting your head in curiosity.
Gwen went on to explain everything you missed.
From Gwen seeing miles to Miles tagging along onto Mamhatten in pavers universe, and then to Miguel's body slamming him into a train and calling everyone to chase him.
Jeez, you don't go to the society for one day and everything goes to shit.
You thought about it for a second, no one would notice you not being here for a couple of days, right?
"..alright, I've saved the multiverse once, I can do it again."
You sat up on your bed and grabbed your suit.
You grabbed Gwen's arm as she took you to a whole other universe.
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After a lot of fighting, you all managed to save Miles's dad.
Seeing their family be happy together made you tear up in happiness.
They deserved to be happy.
After a lot of apologies from all parties, everything was still pretty awkward.
You've probably apologized to Miles over a million times despite him insisting it wasn't your fault.
Sure, you didn't help the others chase him, but you still didn't tell him about society.
Hell, you should've been there to defend him.
You should yelled at Miguel from the beginning over him not letting Miles in his exclusive clubhouse.
Instead, you were scared Miguel was gonna bring you back to the manor and disown you, even if you knew he would never do that to you.
You should've stood by miles from the start.
It's never too late to make up for everything.
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oml this was kinda boring but i needed filler lol
honestly i might write a oneshot of all the spiderkids together
taglist (please tell me if i forgot to tag you!):
@bath1lda @mariadvorak @coralaura @tsxukikami @hjgdhghoe @coffeeaddictxd @cxcilla
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fr0stf4ll · 1 day ago
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A court of Shadows and Moonlight - Part 13
paring; Azriel x reader
summary; In the wake of looming war and changing traditions, a gifted healer returns to the Night Court after centuries of wandering the continents. Tasked with stepping into Madja’s legendary role, she must guide reluctant healers, soothe wounded warriors, and face the entrenched prejudice of Illyrian leaders. But as she mends torn wings and broken spirits, an unexpected bond awakens between her and the Night Court’s enigmatic Spymaster. With rivalries simmering and a dangerous threat looming on the horizon, she must reconcile duty and desire, learning that true healing can extend beyond flesh and bone—if she dares to embrace the light hidden among the shadows.
word count ; 10k
Trigger warning; violence & mention of death
notes; hello lovely people, here is the new chapter ! A bit longer than usual but let me tell you that this one is heavy (and I did cut some of it to put it in the next chapter because I was a bit scared that it would be too much for one chapter). Anyways I tried to do a fun chapter, well ... you guys will see with your own eyes that I always need to make things a bit dramatic (only a little °°333). I think it's really the chapter I enjoyed the most writing so far so I hope that you will enjoy reading it <3. See you all next week, love you <333
thank you again @ailoda for you post it made me freaking emotional <333
previous ✧
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The warm glow of the living room lights filled the townhouse, casting a cozy ambiance over the gathered Inner Circle. It was dinner day, and the entire group—Feyre, Rhysand, Cassian, Azriel, Amren, Nesta and Mor—had joined you for an evening of food and conversation. It had been a few days since you went back home after the incident and  Feyre had personally come to you that afternoon to invite you, her warm insistence leaving little room to decline. You were drowing in your work trying not to give a thought to the bond and the fact that you hadn’t seen Azriel since. 
You’d opted for a simple yet comfortable outfit: wide, high-waisted black pants paired with a loose, long-sleeved blue top with a high collar. The fabric was soft and warm, perfect for the cool night air.
The room was alive with chatter and laughter, and you found yourself caught up in it, smiling despite the exhaustion still lingering in your body. Cassian and Mor were on either side of you, bantering animatedly about Velaris nightlife.
“You mean to tell me you’ve never been to Rita's?” Cassian exclaimed, his eyes widening in mock horror.
“I think once when I was younger, but ever since never.” you replied, shrugging. “I’m too busy saving lives to hit up bars, apparently.”
“It’s not just a bar,” Mor interjected, her hands gesturing wildly as if to emphasize her point. “It’s the bar. Best drinks, best music, best people—it’s a Velaris institution.”
Cassian leaned forward, grinning. “Mor’s right. Even Amren’s been there. It’s practically a rite of passage.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” you said, smirking.
Mor wasn’t satisfied. She nudged your shoulder, her voice taking on a pleading tone. “Come on. We’ll go together when you’re better.”
You chuckled. “Alright, but I don’t know when I’ll have time.”
“When?” she pressed, her hazel eyes narrowing suspiciously.
“Next month, probably,” you answered, trying not to laugh at the look of disbelief on her face.
“Next month?” she repeated, incredulous. “Why next month?”
“Because next week, I’m going back to Windhaven,” you began, ticking the events off on your fingers. “Then I’ve got meetings with the priestesses, and then Starfall is coming, and after that—”
“Okay, okay!” Mor interrupted, throwing her hands up in mock surrender. “I’m going to have to kidnap you just to get you out for one night.”
You laughed openly this time, shaking your head. “Fine, I’ll pencil you in when I can.”
Feyre approached then, her soft voice cutting through the lively banter. “Y/N, do you think you could join me for a painting class on Friday afternoon? And don’t you dare tell me you’re too busy with work.”
You raised a hand, pretending to look wounded. “I wasn’t going to say that. But I can’t make it—not because of work, though.”
Feyre raised an eyebrow, clearly curious. “Then why?”
“It’s my weekly tea time with Madja,” you replied simply.
Cassian immediately perked up, his brows shooting up in interest. “Tea time with Madja?” he repeated, leaning forward with an amused grin. “That’s adorable. What do you two even talk about? Healer issues? New techniques?”
You swatted his arm lightly, shaking your head. “Hey! Just because I love my job doesn’t mean that’s all I talk about. We talk about... other things.”
“Like what?” Mor asked, smirking as she sipped her wine.
You tilted your head, feigning mystery. “That’s between me and Madja.”
Cassian let out a bark of laughter. “I’m picturing the two of you having a serious debate over tea about how to fix my dumbass when I inevitably crash into something.”
“Cassian,” Feyre interjected, rolling her eyes, “Y/N does far more important work than managing your antics.”
“Thank you,” you said to Feyre, giving Cassian a pointed look. “And for the record, Madja and I have very enlightening conversations. You’d be surprised how insightful she is about life in general.”
The group shared a laugh, and for the first time in what felt like ages, you let yourself relax. The lively chatter continued, shifting topics seamlessly as plates of food and glasses of wine were passed around. For once, you weren’t talking about healers’ matters or politics—you were just a part of the group, laughing and enjoying the moment. 
The peaceful hum of the room shifted the moment Elain entered, Lucien trailing just behind her. You were talking to Feyre and didn’t immediately notice the change in atmosphere until Rhysand’s voice broke through the casual chatter.
“Y/N,” Rhys said smoothly, gesturing toward the two newcomers, “allow me to introduce Lucien.”
You looked up, your eyes meeting Lucien’s in a moment of mutual surprise. “What are you doing here?” you blurted out before you could stop yourself. The corners of Lucien’s mouth twitched into a small, amused smile, and he stepped forward to give you a brief hug.
“Good to see you too, Y/N,” he replied lightly, though his voice carried an undercurrent of genuine warmth.
The room’s dynamic shifted again as Elain gravitated toward Azriel, who was leaning against the back of the couch. Lucien, perhaps instinctively or perhaps by choice, found his way to your side. The juxtaposition didn’t go unnoticed, though no one commented on it—at least not aloud.
You handed Nyx back to Feyre, who smiled gently at you, her expression tinged with curiosity as she glanced between you and Lucien.
“I take it you’ve met before?” Rhys prompted, his brow lifting slightly.
You nodded, still a little thrown by Lucien’s sudden presence. “Yes, we breafly met when I was in Autumn centuries ago.” you explained. “And then again in Spring—he arrived a few weeks before I left.”
“Small world,” Lucien said with a faint grin, though his sharp gaze flickered to Rhysand, ever aware of the High Lord’s looming presence.
The conversation meandered for a while, touching on casual topics. But then Lucien turned to you, his tone shifting slightly and quietly asked you. “I heard about the healer meeting in Dawn. Did you have a chance to speak with the head healer of Autumn?”
Your expression softened, though a shadow passed over your features. “I did,” you said, your voice quieter. “She’s doing better, don’t worry. But, very honestly, Lucien... she won’t be in her best shape if she stays in Autumn. It’s slowly killing her.”
The room stilled, the weight of your words settling heavily in the air. Rhysand’s eyebrow arched, and you felt an unfamiliar sensation—a gentle yet deliberate tug on your mind. It was the first time Rhys had ever used his abilities on you like this, and though it was unsettling, you allowed it, letting him in.
What was that about? his voice sounded in your mind, calm but edged with concern.
The High Lady of Autumn tried to kill herself, you replied, the words laced with quiet gravity. 
The thought landed heavily in Rhysand’s consciousness, and though his face betrayed nothing, you felt the ripple of shock that coursed through him.
Shit, he muttered in your mind, his tone uncharacteristically unsettled. Does Eris know?
Yes, you replied. He’s keeping it quiet, but it’s caused even more division within Autumn. The tension between him and Beron is... palpable.
Rhysand’s silence spoke volumes as he processed the information. You could feel his thoughts flickering through the implications, his strategic mind already piecing together the broader picture.
And what do you think? he finally asked, his tone quieter now.
I think she needs to leave Autumn. Rordan their head healer told me that Day might be an option. But it’s her decision to make, not ours.
Rhysand’s agreement hummed softly through your connection. Keep me updated on her situation—and anything else from Autumn.
You nodded slightly, breaking the mental link as Lucien’s voice drew your attention back to the room. “And do you think she’ll leave?” he asked, his expression unreadable.
You shook your head, offering him a faint, tired smile. “I don’t know. I hope so. But it’s her choice.”
Lucien sighed, his posture stiffening slightly. “It’s complicated,” he murmured, his tone heavy with unspoken thoughts.
“Yes,” you agreed softly. “It is.”
Though the conversation shifted to lighter topics, the weight of what had been discussed lingered in your mind—and Rhysand’s—as an unspoken reminder of the cracks forming in Prythian’s foundation.
You turned to Lucien with a mischievous glint in your eyes. “Oh, by the way, Lila says hi.”
Lucien froze mid-sip of his drink, his eyes widening in a mix of panic and exasperation. “No. Not her again,” he muttered, setting his glass down with more force than necessary. “Why does she still talk about me?”
You burst out laughing at his visible distress, the kind of laughter that left you breathless. The others turned their attention to you, curiosity lighting up their faces. Cassian raised a brow, leaning forward. “What’s so funny?”
You wiped at your eyes, still giggling. “Oh, it’s just... let’s say that during the healer meeting at least the nights we spent talking with the girls, Lucien was a very… popular topic. Let’s just say Lila is quite taken with Lucien.”
“Taken?” Lucien interjected sharply, lifting his head to glare at you. “No, Y/N. Let’s call it what it is—obsessed. I am terrified of her.”
Rhysand, clearly amused, leaned back in his chair with a chuckle. “What does she look like?”
You smirked, ready for the volley of descriptions. “Well, she looks like Tamlin—”
“But with boobs,” Lucien interjected, deadpan, cutting you off.
“And she’s short, like Amren,” you added, grinning as you gestured downward.
Lucien groaned again. “Short, running everywhere, and screaming.  Always screaming.”
You burst into laughter again, shaking your head. “Don’t get me wrong—she’s an incredible healer. Honestly, one of my best students. But... she’s something, that’s for sure.”
“That’s putting it lightly,” Lucien muttered, rubbing his temples. “Do you know about the closet incident?”
“Oh gods, yes!” You exclaimed, grinning wide. “That was hilarious when she told us about it. The way we had to make her drink for her to be able to admit it, but don’t dramatise everything Lucien it was just her way to show her affection right?” you looked at him amused.
“She tried to lock me in a closet to stop me from leaving the Spring Court Y/N?” 
"Well that sounds oddly familiar?” said Feyre looking at the booth of you. 
Cassian’s laugh echoed through the room. “What is it with Spring Court and locking people ? First Tamlin, now this?”
You nodded, struggling to suppress your laughter. “Apparently, she thought it was the only way to get him to ‘listen.’”
You wiped tears of laughter from your eyes. 
Rhysand leaned back, still chuckling. “So, to sum it up: she’s like Tamlin, but with boobs, short like Amren, runs everywhere, and... locks people in closets.”
Cassian doubled over with laughter. “You’ve got to introduce me to this Lila. She sounds like a riot.”
Lucien glared at him. “You can take my place if you’re so curious, I’m sure she would love you.”
The room burst into laughter again, the lighthearted banter a welcome reprieve from the tensions that had been looming. Even Lucien couldn’t help but laugh, though his mortified expression lingered.
On the other side of the room, Azriel leaned against the couch, his shadows curling restlessly around him like dark, living whispers. His gaze lingered on you and Lucien, watching the way you laughed with an ease that felt almost foreign to him. You looked carefree, radiant even, as if the weight of the world had momentarily lifted from your shoulders. Lucien’s animated gestures and your bright laughter filled the air, a stark contrast to the tight knot of unease growing in Azriel’s chest.
He shouldn’t feel this way. He couldn’t feel this way.
Azriel shifted slightly, trying to quiet the tumult within him. Elain was seated beside him, her delicate fingers brushing against his thigh in a silent question. He turned to her, her soft gaze meeting his, and he forced a small nod. “I’m fine,” he murmured, though the words tasted like a lie on his tongue.
But he wasn’t fine. Not even close.
He had wanted to cross the room, to come and sit beside you, to feel that inexplicable comfort that always seemed to radiate from you when you were near. Now that he knew about the bond, everything felt more tangled, more painful. The knowledge weighed heavily on him, suffocating in its clarity. How could you sit there, so normal, so composed, when you had known about this bond for longer than he had?
The thought ate away at him. How had you managed to keep it hidden? How had you endured the ache of it, the pull, without letting it show?
Azriel’s gaze flicked to Elain briefly, guilt tugging at the edges of his thoughts. He shifted subtly away from her, a small, almost imperceptible movement. Out of respect for Lucien, yes. Not that he’d cared before—but now, now he understood. He understood the quiet agony of seeing someone he cared about so deeply sitting with another. It twisted his insides in a way he hadn’t expected.
But it wasn’t just about respect. It was about you.
His shadows coiled tighter around him, reflecting the storm in his mind. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to untangle the mess of emotions that had overtaken him since discovering the bond. And the hardest part was the longing—to be near you, to hear your voice, to feel that connection that had only deepened with the knowledge of what you truly were to him.
You were laughing again, the sound clear and unguarded. It was a sound he hadn’t realized he craved until now, and it only added to his torment. The way you leaned slightly toward Lucien, your smile bright, as if there was no weight of a bond tethering you to him. As if he didn’t even exist.
Azriel’s jaw tightened, his wings shifting slightly as he glanced at the floor. He needed a moment, a reprieve from the chaos in his chest. From the knowledge that while you laughed with Lucien, he was the one standing in the shadows, lost and unsure.
You had barely met Azriel’s gaze when Lucien raised an eyebrow at you, the corner of his mouth twitching with amusement. “Right, let’s not talk about the Spring Court, Y/N,” he said, his tone almost teasing.
“How much time did the two of you spend in the Spring Court together?” Feyre asked, her curiosity piqued.
Without missing a beat, you and Lucien answered in unison, “Three weeks.”
The synchronization caught everyone off guard, and a ripple of laughter swept through the room.
You rolled your eyes dramatically and added, “And that was far enough, if you want my opinion.”
Lucien smirked, leaning back in his chair. “Yes, far enough after nearly killing Tamlin, burning part of his estate, and getting proposed to by his last general.”
The room fell silent, and all eyes turned to you. You stared at Lucien in disbelief, your mouth opening and closing for a moment before crossing your legs and taking a deliberate sip of your wine. “That’s so fake,” you said finally, your tone nonchalant. “I didn’t light the fire. I was just there when it happened.”
Rhysand raised an eyebrow, his smirk growing as he leaned forward slightly. “And tell me, Y/N, just how many people have proposed to you?”
You nearly choked on your wine. “What do you mean, Rhysand? Please.”
He raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying himself. Everyone’s attention shifted to you, eyes wide with intrigue. You glanced at Azriel, who had been uncharacteristically quiet, and asked accusingly, “Did you tell him?”
Azriel shook his head immediately, his voice steady. “No, of course not.”
Cassian and Mor, ever the instigators, leaned closer. “Wait, wait,” Cassian said, grinning. “Who else proposed to her? Go on, Rhys. I feel like this is going to be good.”
Rhysand’s smirk widened, his violet eyes gleaming with mischief. “Well,” he began, drawing the word out dramatically, “our sweet head healer of the Night Court could have become the Lady of Dawn, if she had wanted to.”
The reaction was immediate. Mor screamed, her voice full of scandalized delight. “You were with Thesan? Y/N!”
You groaned, covering your face with your hands. “Yes,” you admitted reluctantly, “and that’s all you’re going to get to know. End of discussion.” You shot Rhysand a black look, though he only laughed, clearly pleased with himself.
“Well,” you said quickly, trying to change the subject, “it’s not to interrupt, but I’m pretty sure dinner is ready, right?”
Feyre crossed her arms, a knowing look on her face. “If you think you’re going to escape this conversation, Y/N, you’re wrong.”
You sighed dramatically, looking up as if to appeal to the Mother above. “Oh, for the love of the mother,” you muttered, but the room erupted into laughter, the tension giving way to warmth and camaraderie once more.
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During dinner, to everyone’s surprise, you found yourself seated next to Azriel. He had deliberately taken the seat beside you, leaving Lucien to sit next to Elain. The shift in seating arrangements caught more than a few curious glances. Elain’s worried look flickered toward Azriel, while Lucien, seated on her other side, raised an eyebrow at the change.
You tried to ignore the questions bubbling in your mind, though it was hard to brush aside the unexpected energy between you and Azriel. While you had resigned yourself to the fact that Azriel cared deeply for Elain, perhaps even loved her, this sudden change left you puzzled.
Amren’s sharp voice cut through the quiet hum of conversation, drawing everyone’s attention. “Is this a new table, Rhysand?” she asked, gesturing to the elegant woodwork beneath her plate.
Rhysand smirked, barely looking up from his plate. “Yes, it is. Y/N and Azriel broke the last one.”
You choked on your wine, coughing violently as heat crept up your neck. The room went silent for a heartbeat before Cassian burst out laughing, followed closely by Mor’s cackling. You covered your mouth, trying to recover as all eyes turned to you.
Amren’s silver eyes sparkled with amusement as she leaned forward slightly. “Well, girl, a High Lord, a General, and now a Spymaster. You’re going for all of them, aren’t you?”
Your jaw dropped as laughter erupted around the table. “Oh, please shut up,” you groaned, burying your face in your hands. You didn’t even dare to glance at Azriel, though you could feel the heat of his gaze lingering. The sharpness of Elain’s eyes, however, was impossible to miss. Her displeasure radiated from her in waves, her expression tightening as she glanced between you and Azriel.
“I’d like to point out,” Cassian added with a grin, “that I wasn’t the one who broke a table for once.”
“That’s not something to be proud of, Cassian,” Nesta muttered beside him, though a faint smirk tugged at her lips.
The table settled back into a hum of conversation, though you couldn’t shake the tension that simmered beneath the surface. Every now and then, you caught Azriel glancing your way, his expression unreadable. And while you tried to keep your focus on the food in front of you, you couldn’t help but feel that this dinner was only the beginning of something far more complicated.
The flow of the dinner had been pleasant enough, though Azriel sitting beside you brought an odd energy you couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t uncomfortable, not entirely—but it was different. When it was just the two of you—working, talking, sharing quieter moments—it felt natural, even easy. But tonight, the dynamic felt... forced. Questions swirled in your mind: Did he sit next to you to make her jealous? Why let her mate sit next to her, then? You brushed the thoughts aside, trying to focus on the lively conversations around you.
Dessert was served, and you were half-listening to Feyre and Nesta talk about some shared anecdote when Elain stood abruptly, excusing herself. The movement caught your attention. Lucien’s worried gaze followed her, and when you glanced at Azriel, you noticed the same concern etched into his features. That expression.
The unease it stirred in you was compounded when Elain began moving around the table. Her steps faltered slightly, her balance uneven. You frowned, your healer’s instincts kicking in.
“Elain?” Feyre’s voice held a note of alarm as her sister stumbled closer to where you were seated.
You turned in your chair just in time to see Elain falter entirely. Without thinking, you shot up and caught her as she collapsed, her weight sudden but manageable in your arms. Her head lolled against your shoulder, and a collective gasp rippled through the room. All conversation ceased.
“Elain!” Feyre and Nesta rushed to her side, their faces pale with worry. Lucien moved swiftly to her other side, his hand hovering uncertainly as if unsure whether to touch her. Azriel was right behind him, his shadows curling protectively around him, his expression a mix of alarm and dread.
“Elain, can you hear me?” Feyre’s voice was tight with fear as she knelt beside her sister.
And then it happened. Elain’s eyes snapped open, but they were no longer the soft brown you were accustomed to. They were white—bright, glowing, and unseeing. The sight knocked the breath from your lungs, your grip tightening reflexively as the unnatural glow emanated from her.
“Elain,” Nesta whispered, her voice breaking as she grasped her sister’s hand.
“What’s happening to her?” Lucien demanded, his tone panicked.
You steadied Elain in your arms, trying to process what was happening. Your mind raced as you scanned her for any immediate signs of injury or distress. There was none—nothing physical, at least—but the way her body trembled, her unfocused eyes, sent chills down your spine.
“She’s having a vision,” Azriel said, his voice low and tight. 
Feyre nodded grimly at your question about Elain’s visions. “Yes,” she said, her voice tight. “But... she’s never reacted like this before.”
Elain’s body began trembling more violently, her breathing escalating into rapid, shallow gasps. You quickly moved, lowering her to the ground into a safer position, your movements precise and practiced. “Everyone step back,” you said firmly, your voice cutting through the panic in the room. “Give me space.”
The others obeyed, though their worry was palpable. Feyre knelt near but didn’t interfere, her face pale with fear. Lucien and Azriel hovered nearby, their expressions equally stricken. Nesta stood frozen, her hands clenched into fists.
Elain’s trembling worsened, transitioning into full-body spasms. You glanced sharply at Feyre. “Does she usually react like this?”
Feyre shook her head quickly. “No—this has never happened before.”
Your jaw tightened as you assessed her condition. “Alright,” you murmured, more to yourself than anyone else. With a swift motion, you opened Elain’s mouth and carefully inserted two fingers to hold her tongue down, ensuring she wouldn’t swallow it during the convulsions. Then, your free hand hovered just above her head.
You closed your eyes, focusing your power as it began to flow from you. A faint glow radiated from your hand, and your hair lifted as if caught in an unseen breeze. A hush fell over the room, everyone holding their breath as the air grew heavy under the weight of your power. Azriel’s sharp gaze was fixed on you, his shadows coiling around him in tension.
Elain’s spasms began to subside as your power guided her, pulling her gently from the grip of the vision. The glow from your hand intensified briefly before dimming, and her breathing evened out. Slowly, her body stilled.
Elain’s spasms began to subside as your power guided her, pulling her gently from the grip of the vision. The glow from your hand intensified briefly before dimming, and her breathing evened out. Slowly, her body stilled. But as the connection between you and her held firm, something shifted—a thread of her vision snagged onto your mind.
It happened so quickly that you didn’t have time to prepare. One moment you were guiding her back to reality, and the next, you were pulled into the recesses of her mind. Shadows enveloped you, thick and suffocating, until the world reshaped itself into the fragments of her vision.
The ground beneath you was barren, cracked, and lifeless. The air smelled of ash and decay, and the sky above was a swirling void of darkness. There were no stars, no moon—only an oppressive, smothering emptiness. Fires burned in the distance, their flickering light revealing the skeletal remains of a once-thriving land. This place had been wiped clean of life, erased by a force too terrible to comprehend.
You turned, searching for Elain in the chaos. And then you saw her. She stood just ahead, motionless, her expression vacant and unseeing as if she were a mere observer in this apocalyptic scene. You tried to call out to her, to reach her, but your voice was swallowed by the void. She didn’t seem to register your presence, her eyes fixed on the horror unfolding around her.
Your chest tightened, and you were about to take a step toward her when something else caught your attention. Movement in the periphery—a figure in the shadows. It was... you.
At first, you thought it might be a trick of the vision, a warped reflection, but the figure stepped into the light, and there was no mistaking it. It was you, yet not. This version of you was eerily calm, detached. You looked the same, but your expression held an unsettling stillness.
Then the change began. Blood trickled from your nose, then your ears, your eyes, and your mouth. The crimson streaks contrasted sharply against your pale skin, but you didn’t flinch or react. Instead, a faint smile curved your lips, haunting in its serenity.
Elain, still oblivious to your presence, stood frozen, her hand lifting to her mouth in silent horror as she watched the scene unfold.
And then, the darkness took shape. A hand, inky and unnatural, emerged from the shadows, its long, clawed fingers reaching toward the chest of the vision-you. The smile on your face remained as the hand struck in one swift motion, plunging into where your heart should have been.
You felt it. The phantom pain. The void. The absence.
You crumpled to the ground, lifeless, and the darkness seeped into the cracks of the earth, spreading like a disease. Elain whimpered softly in the vision, her form trembling as she stared at your fallen figure. 
The pull of the vision began to loosen, dragging you back to the present. You blinked, gasping for breath as you returned to your body, the sensation of your heart still pounding in your chest grounding you. Elain stirred beneath you, her breathing shaky as her eyes fluttered open.
Your mind reeled, the memory of what you had seen burning fresh in your mind. You didn’t know what the vision meant, but the chilling image of yourself—bleeding, smiling, heartless—was not something you would soon forget.
You exhaled, opening your eyes to see Elain staring up at you. Relief flickered in the room—until, without warning, her hand lashed out and slapped you hard across the face.
The shock reverberated through the room as everyone froze. You blinked, stunned by the sharp sting on your cheek. Slowly, you stood up, gripping the back of the chair nearest to you as if to steady yourself, your knuckles tightening against the wood. But your face remained calm, your expression carefully composed.
“Well,” you said dryly, your voice steady despite the racing of your heart, “that’s a new one.”
Feyre and Nesta immediately moved to Elain’s side, helping her sit up as she began to regain full awareness. “Elain, are you okay?” Feyre asked, her voice soft but worried.
Lucien stepped forward, his golden eye flashing with unease. “What happened? Why did she—”
“I don’t think she knew what she was doing,” you interrupted, your tone calm and measured, giving nothing away. You flexed your fingers subtly against the chair, grounding yourself as you continued. “It’s normal for someone to act unpredictably when coming out of a vision that strong.”
Feyre and Nesta gently guided Elain toward the stairs, murmuring reassurances as they helped her to her room. Lucien followed close behind, his expression tight with worry. Azriel, however, didn’t move. His gaze remained locked on you, golden eyes scanning your face with quiet intensity.
Slowly, you let go of the chair, shaking out the tension in your fingers. Your cheek still stung faintly, but it was nothing compared to the weight pressing heavily against your chest.
You sighed softly, glancing at the mess of plates and half-eaten desserts left on the table. It felt like the room itself had absorbed the tension of the evening, the air heavy and stifling.
Mother above, what a night. You straightened, smoothing down your sleeves as you regained your composure. 
Azriel crossed the room in a few swift strides, his shadows curling low around his feet. His hand lifted slowly, hesitating for the briefest of moments before his fingers brushed against your arm—light as a whisper but enough to make your breath catch.
“Are you okay?” His voice was low, almost a murmur, his thumb grazing your sleeve in a subtle, grounding motion.
You blinked, surprised by the question, by the weight in his tone. “I’m—” Your words faltered, the concern in his eyes throwing you off balance. “I’m fine.”
Cassian, ever the mood breaker, smirked. “Great catch, Y/N,” he said with a chuckle.
Azriel’s head turned slightly, casting Cassian a sharp side-eye that practically dripped with unspoken warning. His shadows flared briefly, wrapping tighter around his boots. Cassian raised a brow, but wisely said nothing more.
You tried to smile at Cassian, though it barely reached your eyes. “Thanks, Cassian” you said softly.
Azriel’s fingers tightened briefly on your arm before releasing you. His touch lingered like a ghost, the warmth of it seeping into your skin. His golden gaze remained locked on yours, searching, as though trying to read something written just beneath the surface.
“I’m fine,” you repeated, softer this time, more for him than for anyone else.
He studied you for a second longer, his shadows curling and unfurling around him. His thumb brushed the back of your hand in a fleeting gesture that felt more like a promise than a reassurance.
“Good,” he said quietly, his voice steady but thick with something you couldn’t quite place. “Let me know if… you need anything.”
For a moment, it felt like you were the only two people in the room, the air between you charged and warm. Then Azriel stepped back, his eyes lingering on you for a heartbeat longer before turning toward the others.
You turned to Rhysand, your voice calm but serious. “How do her visions usually go?”
Rhysand leaned against the edge of the table, his brow furrowed. “Not like that,” he admitted. “She usually comes back to herself without shaking or... whatever that was tonight.”
You nodded, thoughtful. “You’ll need to monitor her closely if this keeps happening. What happened tonight—especially the shaking—is essentially her brain short-circuiting, going on and off repeatedly. I stuck my fingers in her mouth not for pleasure but to prevent her from swallowing her tongue.”
Cassian let out a startled laugh at your bluntness, but you continued without pause. “I helped her out of the vision, but it could be the content of this particular one was too violent, causing her to react that way.”
Lucien, standing stiffly in the doorway, finally spoke. “And if it’s not controlled next time? What happens then?”
You met his gaze evenly, your tone steady but grave. “Asking me that is like asking what would happen if you put a soldier in a war field. There are options, but death is one of them. She could stay in the shaking state without being able to come back to herself or choke—but those are worst-case scenarios.”
The room was quiet as you continued, your voice calm but firm. “It could also completely be a one-time thing. But this is why it has to be monitored carefully.”
Amren leaned back in her chair, her sharp eyes on you. “Well, at least that was clear.”
You smirked faintly at her dry remark. “Clarity is what I aim for.”
Azriel’s eyes lingered on you, his shadows curling faintly around his shoulders as he listened intently.
“I could examine her further,” you added after a moment, “to see if there’s anything else that might explain what happened tonight. But I’d wait until she’s less shaken by it all. Right now, forcing her into anything might make things worse.”
Rhysand nodded, his expression thoughtful. “We’ll keep an eye on her and call for you if it happens again. For now, let’s give her some space to recover.”
Everyone seemed to agree with that plan, though Lucien still looked troubled. The room slowly eased out of its earlier tension, though the weight of what had just occurred lingered in the back of everyone’s minds.
Azriel’s gaze lingered on you, his golden eyes dark with worry. As the room shifted its attention to Feyre and Nesta returning, he leaned closer, his hand brushing lightly against your arm. The touch sent a ripple of awareness through you.
“Are you sure you are okay?” His voice was low, barely audible over the quiet murmurs of the others.
You blinked, caught off guard by the genuine concern in his tone. Was Azriel truly worried about you?
A soft smile tugged at your lips, and you shook your head lightly. “Don’t worry. A little slap isn’t going to kill me,” you said, throwing in a wink to lighten the mood.
Azriel’s lips quirked ever so slightly, but the tension in his shoulders didn’t ease entirely.
Feyre’s voice broke through the moment. “Elain’s sleeping now,” she said, her tone carrying both relief and exhaustion.
Lucien exhaled audibly, a wave of relief washing over his features. Feyre turned to you, her expression warm with gratitude. “Thank you for your help, Y/N. I don’t know what we’d have done without you.”
You nodded, brushing it off lightly. “I’m just glad I was here when it happened.”
Rhysand’s eyes flicked between Feyre and Nesta, his expression sharpening. “Did she tell you anything about her vision?”
The two sisters exchanged a weighted look, Feyre biting her lip before she finally spoke. “Yes,” she said hesitantly, glancing at Nesta for confirmation.
“It’s not good,” Nesta added, her voice steadier but no less grim.
The room fell silent again, everyone waiting for Feyre or Nesta to elaborate. The weight of whatever Elain had seen hung heavy in the air, and you couldn’t help but feel the knot of tension coiling tighter in your chest. Azriel’s hand lingered on your arm for a moment longer before he pulled it away, his expression hardening as he braced for whatever was coming next. 
Feyre exchanged a tense glance with Nesta, the silence thick and suffocating. Then, with a heavy sigh, Feyre began to explain, her voice trembling slightly.
“She told us about what she saw… about death, war, and darkness sweeping over everything. But the most terrifying part was…” Feyre’s voice broke, and she looked at Nesta to continue.
Nesta, ever composed, took over. “She saw you, Y/N. In the middle of it all. And…” She hesitated, her steel facade cracking for just a moment before she forced herself to say it. “She saw you...”
The room fell deathly silent, everyone frozen in place. Azriel, standing beside you, visibly tensed, his golden eyes narrowing as he processed the words.
You straightened, your expression unreadable. The weight of their words wasn’t new to you. You had already seen it yourself in Elain’s vision, and now, hearing it spoken aloud, it only cemented what you had felt.
“I know,” you said quietly, your voice steady but filled with an edge of resignation.
Every head in the room turned to you, confusion and shock flashing across their faces.
“You know?” Feyre asked, her voice almost a whisper.
You nodded slowly. “I saw it too. I’m not sure how, but when I guided Elain out of her vision, pieces of it came to me. I saw what she saw.”
Azriel’s voice cut through the stunned silence, sharp and filled with tension. “Saw what? What exactly did you see?”
You turned to face him, your gaze unwavering, though the effort to maintain your composure was immense. “I saw the moment I die, Azriel.”
The breath seemed to leave the room all at once. Even Amren, ever-unflappable, looked taken aback. Cassian, wide-eyed, shifted uneasily in his seat. Feyre and Nesta exchanged another tense glance, while Rhysand’s expression hardened, his jaw tightening.
“What do you mean, you saw yourself die?” Azriel pressed, his voice low and strained, his shadows coiling around him like a living entity. His hand hovered near your arm again, as though he wanted to hold on to you, to ground himself in your presence.
You gave a bitter smile, the weight of the truth pressing down on you. “Exactly what it sounds like. She saw me die, and so did I. What do you want me to say? It’s not a matter of if, but when.”
Azriel’s jaw tightened, and the raw emotion in his eyes was almost unbearable to look at. “You can’t just… accept that,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, yet filled with an edge of desperation. “There has to be something we can do. We can stop it—”
“You think I haven’t thought of that?” you interrupted, your tone sharp but not unkind. “I’ve lived long enough to know that sometimes, no matter what you do, fate has its way.”
Rhysand’s voice broke through, calm but commanding. “What exactly did you see, Y/N?”
You hesitated, the image flashing in your mind. The darkness, the war, and that final moment when everything stopped, and you fell. “I saw the world in chaos—death everywhere. And then I saw myself... my blood, my heart—gone. I felt it as much as I saw it.”
Azriel took a step closer to you, his shadows curling protectively around him. His golden eyes were locked onto yours, filled with something you couldn’t quite place. “I don’t accept that,” he said firmly. “We’ll find a way to stop it. Whatever it takes.”
For a moment, the room was quiet, everyone digesting the gravity of the revelation. Then Amren, leaning back in her chair, spoke up, her voice cool but filled with an edge of challenge. “If fate has marked you, Y/N, then the question is not if we can stop it, but what it will cost.”
Her words hung heavily in the air, a reminder of the uncertain path ahead. You swallowed hard, the weight of the vision and its implications pressing down on you. But even as the room seemed to drown in its tension, you squared your shoulders, lifting your chin.
“Whatever happens,” you said softly, “it doesn’t change what I need to do now. We have time—maybe not much, but enough to prepare.”
As the heavy silence settled in the room, you could feel the weight of everyone’s gaze on you. Rhysand’s sharp violet eyes held yours for a long moment before he finally spoke, his voice steady but laced with an undertone of unease. “Y/N,” he began, “would you allow me to see it? The vision?”
You hesitated, the thought of someone else witnessing what you had seen unsettling, but you nodded nonetheless. “Go ahead,” you said softly, standing your ground. Rhysand approached you carefully, his movements deliberate, as though he didn’t want to startle you.
His mental touch was gentle, like a soft whisper brushing against your thoughts. You let him in, showing him the fractured, haunting glimpses of the vision—darkness, war, your bloodied form crumbling to the ground.
When he pulled back, his expression was tight, his jaw clenched. A faint twitch betrayed his composed demeanor.
“Don’t pity me, Rhysand,” you said, your tone firm, though there was a flicker of something softer beneath it. “I died once. I’ve been blessed by the Mother, and I’ve accepted that one day, that favor will need to be returned.”
The words hung in the air, heavy and final. Azriel’s golden eyes locked onto you, his shadows coiling tightly around him. His expression was unreadable, but the look in his eyes was anything but. It was a mix of disbelief, worry, and something else you couldn’t quite place—something that made your chest tighten.
The tension in the room shifted, the atmosphere changing as people slowly began to disperse, their expressions ranging from solemn to thoughtful. Conversations were hushed, and one by one, the Inner Circle left to retreat to their rooms or find solace in other parts of the house.
You needed air. The weight of the vision, the discussions, and the gazes filled with unspoken questions were too much. Slipping out quietly, you made your way to the garden of the townhouse. The cool night air brushed against your skin, soothing in its simplicity. The stars above were bright, scattered across the inky sky like a promise of something eternal.
You found a bench near the center of the garden and sank onto it, tilting your head back to take in the view. The stars twinkled softly, distant and untouchable, yet strangely comforting. For a moment, you let yourself breathe, the crisp air filling your lungs as you tried to untangle the storm of emotions swirling inside you.
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The quiet of the garden wrapped around you like a comforting blanket. After some time, you felt a presence approach—a familiar one—and moments later, a warmer jacket was draped over your shoulders. You turned your head slightly to see Azriel sitting down beside you, his movements careful and deliberate. He didn’t speak, didn’t try to fill the silence, and instead, he leaned back to look up at the sky, mirroring your own posture.
For a while, the two of you simply sat there, the stars above a quiet audience to the unspoken words lingering between you. Eventually, unable to bear the weight of the silence any longer, you turned to him and asked, “Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m doing here?”
Still gazing upward, Azriel’s voice was low, steady. “Once, someone told me that sometimes no words need to be spoken. But if you want to talk…” Finally, he turned his head to look at you, his golden eyes catching the faint moonlight. “I’m here.”
A small laugh escaped you, soft but genuine. “Are you actually quoting me?” you teased, raising an eyebrow.
Azriel’s lips twitched into the barest hint of a smile. “Maybe.”
Your laughter faded into the cool night air, replaced by a quieter moment as the gravity of everything settled back in. After a moment, Azriel’s voice broke through the stillness, softer this time. “How?”
You turned to him, your brow furrowing slightly. “How what?”
“How can you accept what you saw so easily?” he asked, his gaze dropping to the ground as though the question was too heavy to lift.
You hesitated, unsure how to answer, then sighed. “I don’t know, Azriel. I really don’t.”
He exhaled softly, the sound tinged with frustration, and his voice was almost a whisper when he spoke again. “Don’t behave like your death won’t affect other people.”
Your breath caught at his words, and when you turned to look at him, his hand slowly reached out, his fingers brushing against yours before curling gently around your hand. His touch was warm, grounding.
“Like it won’t affect me,” he added, his voice barely audible now, but the weight of his words settled heavily between you.
Your eyes widened slightly, your heart stumbling over itself as you processed the raw honesty in his voice. You turned your gaze back to the sky, swallowing hard against the lump in your throat. After a long pause, you found the courage to ask, “When did you figure it out?”
Azriel’s grip on your hand tightened just slightly, as though he was anchoring himself to you. “Figure what out?” he asked, his tone cautious, even though you both knew exactly what you meant.
The bond hummed faintly between you, a quiet rhythm you’d learned to live with but had never fully embraced. You turned back to him, meeting his gaze directly, and whispered, “That I’m your mate.”
The moment stretched between you, heavy with emotions you had never allowed yourself to fully feel. Azriel's words hung in the air like an unanswered prayer, and when he finally spoke again, his voice was soft but resolute.
"The moment we nearly died on our way back from Dawn," he said, his gaze unwavering.
“Oh,” was all you could manage, your voice barely above a whisper. After a pause, he tilted his head slightly and asked, “And you? When did you know?”
Your throat tightened as you glanced away, searching for the courage to speak the truth. “When I saved your life at the House of Wind,” you admitted softly.
He was quiet for a moment, his golden eyes fixed on you. “Oh,” was his only response.
And then the question you had been dreading fell from his lips. “Why? Why haven’t you said anything?”
You turned sharply, your face a mask of incredulity. “Are you seriously asking me this now, Azriel? Look at you—with Elain.” Your voice broke slightly, but you steadied yourself. “I barely knew you at the time. What would you have wanted from me then? You loved her—or at least you thought you did. What would you have done if you were in my place?”
“I don’t love her,” he said firmly, cutting through your spiraling thoughts.
You shot him a sidelong glance, disbelief clouding your features. “Azriel, this—this is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. I don’t want this to be forced.” You took a shaky breath, your voice trembling. “You deserve someone better, much better than me. And definitely not someone who’s... who’s destined to die soon.”
He tried to interrupt, his expression pained, but you raised a hand to stop him. “No, please. You’re one of the kindest, most selfless people I’ve ever met. You’ve dedicated your life to protecting others, to doing what’s right. And I—I just can’t, Azriel. I can’t give you what you deserve.”
You turned fully to him now, your eyes shimmering with unshed tears. The heaviness in your chest felt unbearable, as if the weight of your fears and regrets were finally demanding release. “I work with death every day,” you began, your voice trembling but growing stronger with each word. “Every single day, I watch it take and take and take. I’ve seen families shattered into pieces—mothers begging me to save their children, lovers screaming for someone to bring their person back.”
Azriel’s gaze softened as he took in the storm of emotions pouring from you, his golden eyes following every movement as you began to pace. “I’ve had fathers collapse in my arms because I couldn’t save their wives. Sisters sobbing, clutching me like I was the only thing keeping them tethered to this world. And I...” You paused, pressing a trembling hand to your chest, the lump in your throat growing unbearable. “I can’t—I won’t—be the reason someone else ends up in that position because of me.”
The words tumbled from you, raw and unfiltered, as though they’d been waiting for this moment to escape. “Do you know what that’s like? To carry that? Every mistake, every failure—it haunts you. It lives inside you. And knowing that one day, I’ll be the one taken... that I could leave someone behind, someone I care about... I can’t do that to anyone, Azriel. I just can’t.”
Your steps faltered as the rawness of your confession left you breathless, your arms wrapped tightly around yourself as if you could hold yourself together through sheer will. Azriel remained silent, his eyes following you with an intensity that made your skin prickle. His shadows stirred softly at his feet, as though they wanted to reach out to you but were unsure how.
“Why do you think I’ve always left?” you demanded, turning toward him suddenly, your voice rising. “Why do you think I’ve never stayed anywhere for long? Why do you think I’ve never let anyone get close, too close to me? Why do you think I’ve never been able to have something... someone real?”
Your voice cracked on the last word, and you could feel yourself unraveling. “I’m terrified, Azriel. I’m terrified of death—of what it takes, of what it leaves behind. It’s not just the pain or the loss... it’s the emptiness it leaves in its wake. And I can’t bear the thought of someone else feeling that emptiness because of me.”
Snow began to fall softly around you, the first flakes catching in your hair and melting against your flushed cheeks. You barely noticed, your heart hammering in your chest as the emotions you’d kept buried for so long spilled out in a torrent. The cold air stung your lungs, but you welcomed it, letting it ground you.
Your knees buckled, and you sank to the ground as though the weight of your confession had finally crushed you. The snow gathered in the folds of your clothes, a stark contrast to the heat burning behind your eyes. “And I’m just so, so sorry that I’m your mate,” you choked out, your voice cracking as tears spilled freely down your face.
Azriel knelt beside you without hesitation, his movements slow and deliberate as though he were approaching something fragile. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you into the warmth and steadiness of his chest as your sobs wracked your body. You clung to him, the snowfall around you a quiet witness to the storm raging inside you.
“I’m so sorry, Azriel,” you whispered again, your voice muffled against his shoulder. “I’m sorry I’m your mate. I’m sorry I can’t be what you deserve. I’m sorry for... for all of it.”
His arms tightened around you, his shadows curling protectively, almost soothingly. His voice was low and soft when he finally spoke, the words barely audible over the sound of your own broken breathing. “Don’t you dare apologize for being you,” he murmured, his tone steady, even as his own emotions threatened to break through.
The snow continued to fall, blanketing the garden in a quiet stillness that seemed to echo the rawness of the moment. Azriel’s warmth surrounded you, his presence grounding you even as the storm inside you raged on.
Azriel froze for a moment, his golden eyes locking onto yours, filled with something you couldn’t quite name—something that made your chest tighten. Slowly, almost reverently, his hands rose to gently cup your face, his calloused thumbs brushing away the tears streaking your cheeks. The tenderness in his touch made your breath catch, your heart thundering in your chest.
He tilted your head up, his shadows curling softly around your shoulders, as though they were trying to reassure you in their own way. “Look at me,” he murmured, his voice steady but laced with raw emotion. The words were both a command and a plea, grounding you in the storm of your thoughts. “Just... look at me.”
For a heartbeat, everything else fell away—the snow, the cold, the pain. It was just him, his golden eyes burning with an intensity that made your knees tremble even though you were already on the ground.
And then, without warning, his lips were on yours.
It wasn’t just a kiss; it was a lifeline. Gentle at first, as if he were afraid you’d shatter under his touch, but then deeper, insistent, grounding. A warmth spread through you, chasing away the chill of the snow, as if his very being was pulling you back from the edge. Your eyes widened in shock, your mind struggling to process what was happening. But then, as the bond between you pulsed like a drumbeat in your veins, you melted into him, your hands clutching at the fabric of his tunic as if letting go would undo you completely.
The bond roared to life, the connection between you blazing with an intensity that stole your breath. You felt it in every fiber of your being—a tether that had always been there, humming quietly in the background, now surging forward with undeniable force. His shadows wrapped around you, cocooning you in their embrace, a silent promise of safety and devotion.
The kiss broke, leaving both of you gasping for air, your foreheads pressed together. His hands didn’t leave your face, his thumbs still brushing against your skin, as though anchoring you to the moment. The bond pulsed between you, vibrant and alive, and you swore you could feel his heartbeat echoing in time with yours.
Azriel’s voice, when he finally spoke, was a low murmur, trembling with a quiet intensity that sent shivers down your spine. “Are you done?” he asked, his lips quirking into a faint, almost teasing smile. “Because it’s my turn to talk now.”
His words hung in the air between you, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you felt something other than fear—hope.
Azriel’s gaze pierced through you, deep and unwavering, as though he was stripping away every wall you had ever built, leaving you bare before him. The snow continued to fall around you, cold and relentless, yet you barely noticed it. The world seemed to shrink to just the two of you, kneeling in the snow, your breaths mingling in the frosty air.
“Y/N,” Azriel began, his voice low but filled with a vulnerability you’d never heard from him before. “You are the person who’s made me see the world differently.” He paused, his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard. “The first moment I laid eyes on you, I felt... something. It was like I was drawn to you, like there was this force pulling me toward you, even though I didn’t understand it.”
His words were heavy, laden with emotion. You couldn’t look away, caught in the raw honesty of his confession.
“It took me months to figure out why,” he continued, his shadows curling faintly around him as though reflecting his inner turmoil. “Why I felt like I could tell you things I’ve never even told my brothers. Why, when I was with you, I didn’t feel like I had to hide the parts of me I’ve spent centuries locking away. It was as if you could see me—truly see me—and not turn away.”
Your heart ached at his words, your chest tightening with the weight of his emotions.
“I didn’t understand it at first,” he said, his voice softening. “Why I ended up at the clinic that night of the solstice. Why I fell asleep so easily in your space, a place that felt more like home than anywhere else has in years. Why, in Dawn, every moment I spent away from you felt wrong, like I was missing something vital. And then...” He hesitated, his jaw tightening. “When I saw you with Thesan, I felt this rage, this jealousy that I couldn’t explain. And that night, when the storm came, I accepted that I would die—because being with you in that moment, even if it was the end, felt right.”
His voice cracked, and you felt your breath hitch as his words pressed against the tender parts of your heart.
“And then you saved us,” Azriel whispered, his shadows curling around you both now, a silent embrace. “And the bond snapped into place, and everything suddenly made sense. And gods, I’ve hated myself every day since for talking to you about Elain—for putting you through that pain without even knowing it.”
You couldn’t stop the tears that slipped down your cheeks, and you reached up, placing your hand on his face. His golden eyes closed briefly at your touch, leaning into your palm as though it grounded him.
“And tonight,” he went on, his voice trembling with emotion, “when I saw you with Lucien, I felt it again. That jealousy. The way you smiled, the way you laughed with him... I wanted to be in his place so badly it hurt.”
His voice dropped to a whisper, thick with self-loathing. “And I know I don’t deserve you. Gods, I’ve been the worst to you. But, Y/N, you are everything I didn’t know I needed. You are smart, strong, considerate. You light up the room just by being in it. You make everyone around you better, just by existing. It is so, so easy to fall in love with you.”
Your breath caught in your throat, his words wrapping around you like a balm to your battered soul.
“And even if it’s for a year, or a month, or a single day,” Azriel said, his voice breaking, “I want to spend it with you. I want to be close to you, to be by your side, for however long we have.”
He reached out then, his hands trembling as they cupped your face, his thumbs brushing away your tears. His gaze burned into yours, his bond thrumming with a quiet, steady pulse that matched your own. “Please, Y/N. Let me be with you.”
You let out a small, shaky laugh, the sound soft and almost disbelieving as it fell between your lips. Your head dropped forward, resting gently against Azriel’s chest, his shirt dampening slightly with your tears. The both of you had shifted completely onto the ground, no longer kneeling but sitting in the snow. You were nearly in his lap, his arms instinctively wrapping around you, pulling you closer as though he feared you might disappear.
“I-I just don’t want you to feel obligated because of what happened tonight,” you murmured against his chest, your voice trembling. “I don’t want this to be out of pity.”
Azriel stilled for a moment, and then his hands cupped your face with such gentleness it made your breath hitch. He tilted your head upward, his golden eyes meeting yours, before leaning down and kissing you again—deeper this time, the connection searing into your very soul. It wasn’t hurried or desperate but deliberate, a kiss that held every unspoken word, every ounce of feeling he hadn’t yet been able to say.
When he pulled back, his forehead rested lightly against yours, and his hand moved to your shoulder, grounding himself in your presence as his scent wrapped around you. His shadows curled around the both of you like a protective cocoon, their touch faint and reassuring.
“Never, Y/N,” he murmured, his voice raw and barely above a whisper. “Never out of pity. I’ve long made up my mind about how I feel about you. Even if everything feels like a mess—if everything is wrong—I will never fall in love with you out of pity.”
The last words were so quiet, they were almost inaudible, but you heard them. And they wrapped around your heart, filling the cracks you hadn’t even realized were there.
Your hands moved on instinct, slipping inside his jacket as you hugged him closer, seeking his warmth and steadiness. Your palm pressed gently against his back, and your fingers began tracing soft circles at the base of his wings. Whether it was to reassure yourself that this moment was real or to offer him comfort, you didn’t know. Maybe it was both.
Azriel let out a quiet sigh, his chin resting lightly against your head as he held you. The snow continued to fall around you, the icy flakes melting against the shared heat between you. Neither of you spoke for a long time, the silence filled with the steady rhythm of your breathing, the faint pulse of the bond humming quietly between you.
For the first time in a long time, you felt something you hadn’t allowed yourself to feel in years: safe. And in Azriel’s arms, with his shadows weaving around you, it felt like you’d finally found the place where you belonged.
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153 notes · View notes
billiesbabygirleilish · 2 days ago
Note
Billie and the reader have been friends since childhood and Billie has a huge Crush on the reader but the reader has a boyfriend her boyfriend is like super possessive and abusive like won’t really let the reader go anywhere without him and doesn’t like when the reader hangs out with Billie because he know that Billie likes the reader
Billie and her family/friends know that the reader is being abused but every time that try to talk to the reader she always brush it off and tells that they are over reacting and she’s fine one day the reader is hanging out with Billie while her boyfriend is out boyfriend come home and see Billie after Billie leaves the reader and her boyfriend get into a fight the reader the reader ends up going to Billie
I don’t know how to end this but Billie and the reader end up together
Fractured Love
⚠️Mentions of abuse/abusive relationship. Please don’t interact with this post if these themes make you uncomfortable⚠️
╭.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*╮
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╰.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*╯ The scent of lavender and old books always calmed you. Billie’s childhood bedroom, with its mismatched posters and overflowing bookshelves, was your safe haven. You stretched out on her bed, absently tracing the pattern on the worn quilt while Billie fiddled with her ukulele in the corner. 
“He’s out of town for the weekend,” you said, trying to sound casual, but the tightness in your chest betrayed you. “Said he had to… help his dad with something.”
Billie strummed a discordant chord. "Right. ‘Help his dad.’ Like he ever does anything remotely helpful." She didn’t look up, but you knew what she was thinking. You knew everyone knew. The strained smiles, the subtle glances, the way Maggie hovered a little too close whenever Liam, your boyfriend, was around – it was all a silent testament to what they saw happening to you.
“He just gets… jealous,” you mumbled, twisting a stray thread on the quilt. “He just cares about me.”
Billie’s head snapped up, her blue eyes flashing. “Caring doesn’t look like telling you who you can and can’t see, who you can and can't talk to. Caring doesn't look like…” she trailed off, her jaw clenched.
You rushed to fill the uncomfortable silence. "It's not that bad, Billie. You guys are just overreacting." You forced a laugh, though your voice wobbled. “I’m fine.”
Billie slammed the ukulele down on the floor, the sound reverberating through the small room. "God, why do you do this? We just want you safe! He’s isolating you, (Your name), are you blind?"
You flinched. “Don’t yell,” you whispered, your voice catching.
Billie’s anger deflated, replaced by a deep, aching worry. She sat beside you on the bed, her hand hovering over yours. She didn't touch you. Not anymore. Not since Liam had made his feelings about your friendship with Billie crystal clear, with words that still echoed in your head.
"I'm sorry," she said softly. "Just… I hate seeing him control you like this. You’re not fine. You haven’t been fine for months." Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a small, smooth stone, a piece of sea glass she'd found on the beach. "I… I brought this for you. Said it reminded me of your eyes."
You took the sea glass, its cool surface soothing against your palm. "Thank you, Billie."
Later that afternoon, Billie walked you to your door. As you were unlocking it, Liam’s car pulled up to the curb. He’d come home early.
“Hey,” he said, his voice clipped. He glared at Billie as he approached. “What’s she doing here?”
“Just… hanging out,” you stammered.
“She knows you’re busy. She knows you’re with me.” His eyes narrowed. “Does she even have any respect?”
Billie’s jaw tightened. "I was just leaving," she said, her voice even, but you could see the tension in her shoulders.
As Billie turned and walked away, Liam grabbed your arm, yanking you inside the apartment. The door slammed shut behind you. It wasn't the first time you had been dragged inside. It wasn't the only form of abuse you had endured from him.
The argument started small, a simmering resentment bubbling to the surface. But it quickly escalated, his words sharp and cruel, his grip on your arm painful. You tried to reason with him, to appease him, but nothing worked. He accused you of lying, of flirting, of… who knew what else. Your voice rose as you fought back, tears streaming down your face.
"Just leave me alone!" you finally screamed, pushing him away.
He recoiled, his face contorted with a rage that frightened you. "You think anyone else will want you? You think Billie gives a damn about you? She's just… using you. Playing you for a fool."
The words cut deep, even though you knew they weren't true. The anger drained out of you, leaving you hollow and trembling. You couldn't breathe.
"I'm going to be sick," you choked out, pushing past him.
He let you go, and you stumbled out of the apartment, running blindly until you reached the familiar haven of Billie’s house.
You pounded on the door, tears streaming down your face. Maggie opened it, her expression immediately softening when she saw you.
"Oh, honey," she murmured, drawing you into a hug. "Come in, come in."
She led you to the living room, where Billie, Patrick, Finneas, and Claudia sat, their faces etched with concern. You collapsed on the couch, sobbing uncontrollably.
Billie knelt beside you, her hand finally finding yours. Her touch was grounding, a lifeline in the storm. "What happened?" she asked softly, her voice laced with worry.
You told them everything. The possessive control, the constant criticism, the outbursts, the fear that had become your constant companion. You spoke through sobs, the words tumbling out in a torrent of pain and relief.
When you were finally done, the room was silent. Finneas squeezed Claudia's hand, his face dark. Patrick just nodded, his eyes filled with a quiet fury. Maggie sat beside you, stroking your hair.
Billie’s grip on your hand tightened. “You don’t have to go back there, you know.”
You looked at her, your eyes red and swollen. “But… where else would I go?”
Billie hesitated for a moment, then met your gaze with unwavering intensity. "You can stay here. With us. We'll protect you."
The offer hung in the air, a glimmer of hope in the darkness. It was terrifying and exhilarating all at once. Leaving Liam meant stepping into the unknown, but staying meant… more of the same.
"Okay," you whispered, your voice barely audible. "Okay, I'll stay."
The next few weeks were a blur of healing. Maggie’s gentle care, Patrick’s quiet strength, Finneas and Claudia’s unwavering support – they all helped you piece yourself back together. You started therapy, learning to recognize the signs of abuse and to rebuild your shattered self-esteem.
But it was Billie who made the biggest difference. She was there for you, always, a constant presence in your life. Late-night talks under the stars, walks along the beach, quiet moments spent reading together in her room – she created a safe space for you to be yourself, to laugh, to cry, to simply exist without fear.
One evening, as you sat on Billie’s bed, listening to her strum a new song on her ukulele, you realized something had shifted. The fear was still there, a lingering shadow, but it was no longer the defining force in your life. You were starting to see yourself again, to remember the person you were before Liam had chipped away at your spirit.
Billie finished the song, a soft melody with heartfelt lyrics about resilience and hope. She looked at you, her blue eyes filled with something that made your heart skip a beat.
"Do you… do you feel safe here?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
You nodded, tears welling up in your eyes. "More than I've ever felt."
She reached out, gently cupping your cheek. "Me too," she whispered, her gaze locked on yours.
And then, she leaned in and kissed you. It was a soft, tentative kiss at first, but it quickly deepened, a rush of long-suppressed feelings finally breaking free. It was a kiss of comfort, of safety, of longing, of hope.
When you finally broke apart, breathless and trembling, you looked at Billie, and for the first time in a long time, you saw a future. A future free from fear, a future filled with love, a future where you could be yourself, completely and unapologetically.
It wasn’t a fairytale ending. There would still be challenges, still be healing to do. But you knew, with a certainty that settled deep in your soul, that you weren't alone anymore. You had Billie, her family, her friends - a whole world of love and support to guide you. And you knew, with equal certainty, that you were finally on the path to a life that was truly your own.
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lovekawaas · 2 days ago
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picnic date w/ college boyfr! choso
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cw: smut (MDNI), public sex, sub! choso, blowjob, facesetting, 69, unprotected sex, p in v, afab reader
wc: 2k words
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spring semester was halfway done. and your boyfriend decided that you deserved a treat for all of the hard work that you had been putting in these past few months.
the weather couldn't have been more perfect, with bright blue skies and the sun's beating rays ever present. a cool breeze blew your sundress up and you tightly grasp the handle of your picnic basket clutching it close to your chest, hoping it'll anchor you so you don't blow away.
choso, just a few steps ahead, finds what he deems to be the perfect spot to set up. with a swift throw, he lays the blanket down right under a tall tree atop a hill giving you guys a mixture of shade and sun. he turns to see you further off in the distance.
"sweetheart do you need any help?"
"i'm right behind you cho!"
and with that, you make your trek up the hill, watching for cracks in the dirt so as not to slip and fall. upon reaching the top, you gazed out at the view of the field. total seclusion. far far away from the whirlwind of univeristy life. no professors, no exams, no term papers. spring was in full bloom and it was beautiful. the wind brushing through the tall grass making it sway back and forth. it's almost like it was moving. like the field was alive.
a soft palm places itself on your shoulder, drawing you out of your thoughts. you quickly turn your head to see that it's only choso. he smiles softly at you, his kind eyes causing your cheeks to pull the corners of your lips up as well. a chaste kiss is pressed to your lips.
"i'm so happy to be here with you right now"
and another kiss makes its way to your cheek. your face flushes with heat. he always knows exactly how to make you swoon. and without even trying. that's just choso. his soft gestures and gentle care melts your heart time and time again. however, you know how you can make him swoon harder.
"are you ready to eat?" he asks as his hands head for the basket. but you grab his wrist before he can open it. "sorry cho, but i think that i'm hungry for something else". small hands grasp at the knitted material of his sweater, yanking it towards you to pull him in. you don't kiss him. instead, you lick a long slow stripe against his neck drawing out the sweetest whines from him.
choso is stunned. "y/n..." he quietly exhales. so soft you almost don't even catch it. "y/n, we're in public someone could see us". "there's no one around choso". how could you be so bold? surprising him once by drawing him close with such swiftness. and then again by the touch of your tongue.
he shudders beneath you, turning red in the face and hot all over. but he knows that you're not done with him yet. you're pressing soft lips from the collar of his sweater, working your way up to the top of his neck right beneath his jawline. "and if anyone comes by—
let them watch".
dropping his sweater, choso stumbles back from you dazed from just your lips. nimble fingers intertwining with his, you pull him down onto the blanket with you. basket set aside, you press your palm to his chest feeling his toned body protrude through the layers of his clothes.
pushing him down until his back hits the ground resting gently on the fabric placed earlier. eyes connect to his belt buckle, almost blinding you as it glints in the sun. you reach forward to undo it, unzipping his pants, pulling the waistband of his boxers down just enough to let his cock spring free.
"y/n" choso breathes out feeling the cool spring air hit him.
but you don't acknowledge him. instead, you look at the little beads of pre cum dribble down from the tip of his dick. the way the light hits them makes it look almost like pearls. and you can't help but want to get a taste.
tucking your hair behind your ears, you lean forward to suckle the substance off the tip. a little salty but that's okay with you. you tug his boxers further down to have full access. your lips press a soft kiss to the tip. and that's the only notice you give choso before going all in.
cheeks hollowing and teeth hidden behind your lips, you swallow him whole. not even daring to breathe, immediately gagging at the intrusion as he hits the back of your throat. feeling the clenching of your passage he can't help but writhe beneath you. you pull your mouth off of him gasping for air. coughing and sputtering. but it doesn't stop you.
no.
you go back in again. bobbing your head up and down. drooling on his cock like a dog letting any escaped saliva pool down on the exposed skin of his thighs. his whimpers like warm honey, entering your ears moving all the way down to your cunt. thighs clenched together beneath the skirt of your dress. rocking your hips backing and forth on your heels for any sense of friction to aid the throbbing you feel. your cunt clenching around nothing from just his whines.
meanwhile, choso is a mess.
your lips are just so tight. sucking him so well. warm throat engulfing him whole. choso thinks this is it. this is how he dies. with his beautiful girlfriend sucking his dick in a field. or maybe he isn't gonna die. but he's definitely going to cum.
he's thrusting back now surprising you as his tip rams into the back of your throat. "fuck y/n...ngh...i can't....i'm gonna...i'm gonna", but before he can finish his sentence, you remove your lips not wanting to please him just yet.
"y..y..y/n?", choso utters.
wordlessly, you crawl closer to choso's face. you kiss him fervently, passionately, mixing both of your salivas with the salty taste of his cum left in your mouth. you drink up his moans like it's water. breaking from the kiss, you sit back on your haunches. rising up to your knees, you grabs the ends of your skirt and lift it up to your waist letting the breeze wash over your bare skin. his jaw drops.
"no panties y/n?"
and you smirk. he had finally started to piece together your plan. you swing your left leg over his head facing towards his cock and sit down, muffling any protests he might have with your cunt. you rock your hips back and forth hoping to relieve yourself on his mouth. and who would choso be if he didn't help his girlfriend pleasure herself.
his thick arms clamp around your plush thighs to sturdy yourself on his face. his tongue jolts out of his mouth to lap up at your cunt, slurping up all of your slick. you're breathless, eyes rolling back at the sensation. cunt weeping down his chin. you decide now is the perfect time to repay your doting boyfriend.
you lean forward, softly grabbing choso's still hard cock and press your tongue to the bottom of his shaft dragging it all the way to his tip. the almost cries he releases reverberates into your pussy, vibrating, bringing you bliss. you suck him off, pulling him off every few bobs to tap his cockhead against your tongue. fondling his balls, you can feel the throbs and twitches of his penis in your mouth.
he's close.
and so are you.
tears creep up at the corners of your eyes as choso refuses to let up. he laps at your cunt like he had traveled through the desert and just found fresh water. dragging your pussy lips across his face. nibbling at your clit, pinching it the smallest bit with his teeth zapping you with a pain that was just delectable. the two of you chase your highs in each other, choso invetibly beating you to the finish line but you not far behind.
he cums into your mouth. one sharp thrust. and then another. and then another blowing load after load into the back of your mouth until you feel his body go slack beneath you. but choso is no selfish lover. despite you taking all of him, he continues his attack on your clit.
pursing his lips to create a suction, suckling your sweet nub until you crack. and you cum. hard. back arching as all of your muscles tense up. head whipping back as you practically scream. and then you go limp against his thighs, panting as you try to catch your breath.
you roll off of him, flipping around to lay next to him. you turn your head to face him and see the light sheen covering his face dripping down his neck staining the blanket beneath his head. you squirted. right into choso's mouth. and he doesn't even mind. he just looks back you with loopy, pussy drunk eyes and lazily smiles. "y/n, thank you".
and all you can do is smirk back at him because you're not done. you use the remaning bit of your strength to sit up and move to hover over his hips. you take one hand and bunch up your dress. your other moving to align his cock with your hole, giving it a pump or two letting it harden again.
you slam yourself down his cock. the two of you moaning in unison at the intrusion. your pussy already well lubricated from the work his mouth did earlier. his cock well coated from your tongue. the stretch so delicious as he penetrates you.
"fuck y/n...ngh...fuck....its....it's too much!!"
"don't you wanna make me proud? we just got to dessert cho".
you begin to bounce on his dick. thighs quickly growing tired, you start to ride him using all of the power that you can muster up. you roll your hips against him, clit bumping against his pubic bone. moaning uncontrollably letting his penis fill you whole.
one of his hands reach out to grab your waist, guiding you as you rock back and forth. the other reaching for the top of your dress to pop a tit. you audibly gasp at his bold gesture. and once he's pulled it out, he pulls you into him so he can suckle on the breast he's just revealed.
"fuck y/n", he breathes out. "it's too....ah...ahh...fuck...it's too much!"
all you can do is respond with your own moans. the feeling of his tongue swirling around your perky nipple. the way his cock fills you up. you swear you can feel it pounding into your tummy. your eyes rolling back into your head as you breathe through him fucking you.
the new angle of you leaning forward hitting spots that hadn't been reached before. and then, choso bends his knees, planting his feet into the ground to fuck up into you. jackhammering his hips into your hole, hitting the special spot in your pussy over and over and over.
"cho please....ah....please baby...come with me".
and it breaks you both. his hips stuttering as he wails out to you. "FUCK Y/N...AH...FUCK!". his cock twitches, straining to pump out another load into you. and you clench choso's cock as tight as you think you ever have. tightening up so hard until you feel like you can't anymore. your climax hitting you like a train. eyes closed, you fall against his chest, mouth slack as you try to catch your breath. cum seeping slowly out of your pussy.
while his dick begins to soften in you, you feel a large hand brush your dress down to cover your behind. soft lips press a gentle kiss to your head. the two of you lay there. choso's arms coming to wrap around you, gently soothing your muscles as he rubs against your back.
with no words, you both let the sun beat down on you. of course, a soft wind passes through to cool you guys down. catching your breath, you close your eyes and melt into choso. it's perfect. this is the perfect spring day.
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violettavonviolet · 3 days ago
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Spideytorch fic rec list
hey guys, as promised spideytorch is next! Those two idiots are very dear to my heart and I think I've found some gems! Do send the authors some love if you end up reading some <3. All fics are complete, the word count goes up as you scroll and mind the tags before you read!
Caught on Candid Camera
Traincat
Summary:
“You have ten seconds to tell me what’s wrong,” Peter said, picking up the strangely bubbling beaker. His spider-sense stayed silent, thankfully, but his science-sense was giving him a headache. 
“Aren’t you around kids?” Johnny said. “I shouldn’t be telling you this if you’re around kids.”
“Six… five... four…” Peter said.
“It’s just,” Johnny said breathlessly, “did you know that there are webcams on the Statue of Liberty now?”
Peter dropped the beaker.
5k, mature
teenager in love
orangejoose
Summary:
Johnny groaned exaggeratedly. Then he leaned in close to Spidey, narrowing his eyes. “Are you like super ugly or something? Oh my god! You actually have eight eyes! Or fangs?? You have fangs! Or… no nose! Like Voldemort! No, wait… that's a snake thing.”
Spidey laughed, and Johnny’s heart leaped at the sound, but he quickly kicked himself internally. Nope. No. Johnny was sixteen, and he had no idea how old Spidey was. Early twenties at the youngest, but no. No way. That could not happen.
6k secret identity, gen
Kind, Sober, and Fully Dressed
Traincat
Summary:
"Pete, my man, my completely platonic best bro," he muttered to himself in the voice he reserved solely for mocking Johnny Storm. "Come over and watch my maybe sex tape! Fun times! Just two guys hanging out -" he slammed the bathroom door maybe a little harder than necessary "- watching the one guy's celebrity sex tape! Good clean fun!"
Mrs. Moretti downstairs banged on her ceiling with a broom.
Everything was coming up Parker tonight.
--
Or, in which Peter proves himself tragically unable to take a hint. Post-Amazing Spider-Man Digital #17, aka the time Johnny asked Peter to watch his sex tape.
8k miscommunication, mature
stranger danger
animosities
Summary:
pete
is this a bad time to ask who this is??
Hothead
Is this not Grindr Peter?
pete
nope
Hothead
Ahhh fuck
Sorry for the unsolicited dick pic
pete
that’s alright, ive seen worse
--
In which Johnny gets a username wrong, Peter gets a dick pic, and MJ gets a headache just thinking about the situation.
10k no powers teen
All That We Were
paramountie
Summary:
“What do you think the deal is anyway?” Peter asks. “My money’s on dreamscape.”
“Twenty bucks says it’s an alternate universe.”
“Nuh-uh, pal. It’s a dream for sure. Or a nightmare.”
10k alternate universe, gen
Better in Picture
weekend_conspiracy_theorist
Summary:
In which Peter Parker has no interest in sleeping with Matt Murdock, no matter what anyone seems to think.
12k teen and up
Weaving Spiders Come Not Here
Mizzy
Summary:
People are treating Peter oddly. Really oddly.
It turns out they're being nice to him because they think his boyfriend cheated on him.
…with Spider-Man.
It's honestly quite tiring pretending to be jealous of yourself.
13k secret identity, teen
Always Glad You Came
aloneintherain
Summary:
Spider-Man is a relatively new, controversial vigilante, and Johnny has a crush the size of the Empire Building. The Four - operating under the assumption that Spidey is an adult - do not approve.
“I just happen to think Spider-Man's cool,” Johnny says, matter-of-factly. “A hero can think another hero is cool without making it weird. I admire his aloofness. And his badass-ness.”
“His aloofness,” Ben repeats, chuckling into his mug of beer. It’s roughly the size of Johnny’s head. “Yeah, sure, I bet that’s all your admire, right?”
13k secret identity teen
Six of Swords
Traincat
Summary:
“I’m sorry, Peter,” Reed said. “From what I’m seeing currently -- I’m afraid the condition might be permanent.”
“Hm,” Peter said. He drummed his fingers – six hands’ worth of them – on the table top, considering Reed’s words carefully. “Nah.”
“Excuse me?” Reed said.
“No,” Peter said. “Because see, I’ve done this whole rodeo before, and this? This is not permanent.”
“You’ve had six arms before,” Reed said, slowly, as if that was the weirdest thing he’d ever heard in their business. As if Peter hadn’t passed Doctor Doom out in the hallway walking in here.
“He did,” Johnny filled in helpfully. “In college. Or anyway that’s what he told me this one time when we were looking for vampires.”
--
Peter is transformed back into a six-armed Spider-Man. Johnny sticks around.
14k six armed spidey, teen and up
Tied to the Wait and Sees
Mizzy
Summary:
Johnny Storm's in love. With Spider-man. Except no one seems to even believe Johnny when he tells them. Everyone thinks he's totally joking. What a buzzkill. Even his bff doesn't react supportively, which is rude, disrespectful, and completely awkward when Johnny walks into a time anomaly and wakes up in the future married not to his beloved Spider-man, but to Peter Parker.
Huh, no wonder Parker reacted so badly to the news.
14k, Time travel, teen
Eight Arms to Hold You
metaphoracle
Summary:
When Spider-Man’s best friend Johnny Storm asks him for help in tactfully declining a marriage proposal from the King of Atlantis, Namor the Sub-Mariner, the only solution is for him to volunteer Daily Bugle photographer Peter Parker to pretend to be dating Johnny at the Engagement Banquet in Atlantis. Sure, it’s technically lying to his best friend about who Peter Parker is, but the important thing is that Johnny won’t have to marry Namor, and if Peter gets some photographs of Atlantis to sell, what’s the harm? Peter thought the most difficult thing about this scenario was going to be making sure Johnny didn’t figure out Peter is actually Spider-Man. Having to pretend he wasn’t actually falling in love with his best friend never crossed his mind. 
Featuring fake relationships, forced (almost) marriages, identity porn, traditional Atlantean clothing, and amorous cephalopods.
15k fake relationship, teen and up
Say You Will, Say You Won't
Traincat
Summary:
Johnny Storm found him on a Friday afternoon, wearing the kind of beseeching look that filled Peter with dread.
“I need to ask you a favor,” he said.
“No,” Peter said, swinging away.
__
Peter and Johnny get married, really-not-really.
15k, pretend relationship, part of a series!!
My Gigantic Crush
lamujerarana
Summary:
Peter Parker has a problem. He's in love with his best friend, Johnny Storm. Well, he should really say Spider-Man's best friend, given that Johnny has no idea they're the same person.
16k identity porn, teen
New York Minute
Traincat
Summary:
“It’s just that, when whatever happened, happened, it’s like my senses have been dialed to eleven. There’s – there’s way too much input, so they just kind of help me focus.”
--
Johnny Storm, impossibly, helps Peter focus.
16k hurt/comfort, teen
No Dating Here!
lamujerarana
Summary:
Johnny has no idea what Reed, Ben, and Sue keep going on about. He doesn't have feelings for Spidey at all. He doesn't even know what the guy looks like. And he definitely would never date him.
Or, what starts off as everyone wrongly thinking Johnny's dating Spidey eventually leads to Johnny actually dating Spidey but pretending he isn't because he doesn't want to give his family the satisfaction of knowing they were right.
***
“You really aren’t going to admit that you’re dating him, are you?” Sue says incredulously. She taps her finger against that very incriminating photo in the tabloid. “You’re kissing him, baby brother, right here.”
“Kissing? Spidey? Me? I would never,” Johnny scoffs, right as he finishes making a date to meet Spidey later that night. “Not in a million years. I am way out of his league. I’m so far above him he can’t even see me.”
Spidey’s going to see plenty of Johnny later tonight, but Sue doesn’t need to know anything about that.
18k identity porn & secret relationship, teen
Tales From The Back Pages
Traincat
Summary:
Peter Parker was born with his words. Johnny Storm's been sure his will be said sarcastically since he was a child. Everything else more or less happens according to plan.
19k soulmates teen
Lightning in a Bottle
Gruoch
Summary:
Peter takes the tablet and looks down at the screen, where a picture of Spider-Man intimately entangled in a passionate embrace with Johnny Storm is displayed across the majority of the Daily Bugle’s home page. TORCH CAUGHT IN SPIDER-MAN’S WEB, the headline reads, bracketed by spider and flame emojis.
Peter looks back up at Tony, who is still staring at him completely stone-faced. 
Tony reaches across the island and taps the screen. “So. What do you have to say about that?”
“Well. For one, I’m a little disappointed with the headline,” Peter offers.
Tony lets his chin drop against his chest, momentarily defeated, before taking a deep breath and once more skewering Peter with a hard look. “You could have at least given me some warning that the two of you are...I mean, I had my suspicions, but—”
“You’re misconstruing the situation. Spider-Man and the Torch are dating,” Peter explains. “Johnny and I are just friends.”
“Boy, you’re really leaning hard into this whole alter ego thing, aren’t you?” Tony deadpans. “How’s that working out for you?”
20k idiots in love, teen
Black Magic, Love, and Other Unexplainable Sensations
gleesquid
Summary:
Once upon a time, a handsome prince needed a fearsome warrior's help to save the entire kingdom. Peter Parker is not entirely sure how he fits into this.
21k fairytale not rated
Play Pretend
Fernandidilly_yo
Summary:
When the city dubs the new vigilant with the name 'Spider-Man' no one questions it. Really it just leads to a lot of speculation of who the man underneath the mask is. 
Nobody would ever guess it's really a fifteen-year-old girl.
26k, fem peter, pre-relationship, gen
Five Times The Human Torch And Spider-Man Failed At Being Incognito, And The One Time They Didn't Even Try
Ademimo
Summary:
There is no better bonding experience than sneaking around together (or, alternatively, around each other) and utterly failing at it. 
In which Peter Parker and Johnny Storm :
- are not that talented at infiltration ;
- really need to sharpen their acting skills ;
- should not be categorized as subtle heroes ;
- should not be considered as talented at social interaction, either, for that matter ;
- and most importantly, see their relationship evolve over the years (it's not romantic, they're friends. Not that they don't wish for more, but the other just doesn't feel that way, okay ?)
OR : Five times the Human Torch and Spider-Man failed at being incognito, and the one time they didn't even try
28k friends to lovers, identity reveal, teen
Lost Without You
lamujerarana
Summary:
Johnny and Peter fall into a wormhole and are sent careening across the universe together. With no hope of rescue, they end up having to figure out their own way home, which isn't as easy as it sounds.
To make matters worse, Johnny's been in love with Peter for a long, long, long time. Nothing's happened ever because Peter doesn't seem too interested, but now Johnny's stuck alone in space with the guy of his dreams and a whole lot of feelings that just won't go away. 
***
Dammit. Johnny just wanted Peter to kiss him. Was it really too much to ask after years of selflessly saving the planet? Johnny deserved that much, universe.
Really he deserved all of the hot guys, gals, aliens, and so on kissing him that he wanted, and he only wanted Peter. He was being reasonable, universe, and yet you still couldn’t come through for him, could you?
Johnny found the universe very disappointing. He ranked it right near the top of his list of the most disappointing things he’d ever come across. Somewhere near The Matrix sequels and that pair of skinny jeans that had made him look anything but.
49k humor teen and up
Peter Parker's Guide to Secret Identities
coocoocachu
Summary:
“Oh wow, it’s the Human Torch, Johnny Storm.” MJ whispered to Peter. Peter just hummed back. Maybe it was a little childish to be upset but he totally had that thing with the weird mutant moth under control last night. Peter leaned against the wall while MJ milled around talking to people trying to figure out what the big scoop was here. ‘There always has to be a reason for an exclusive, Peter!’ she had said. Yeah, Peter thought, and the reason is Johnny Storm loves the attention. Peter fiddled with his camera. Action shots were more his thing, particularly somehow managing to take action selfies of himself as Spider-Man or a few of his supercharged enemies. Pictures of egotistical superhero’s shirtless? Not really his area.
94k identity reveal, teen and up
34 notes · View notes
dreamsy990 · 2 days ago
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heres my designs for all the important gods (I FORGOT HEPHAESTUS SORRY) in epic
thoughts/explanations behind the designs + sketches under the cut
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general notes: my biggest headcanon for the gods designs is that they can be just about anything because they (within some limits) choose how they appear. so a god can look like just about anything, but its almost always mostly human. the only real rules to that i think are that 1) their design should usually try to incorporate their main symbols/domain in some way (in some way allows for a lot of range though, so athena for example is very much a bird creature since shes very associated with owls, but aphrodite has just some roses and shells in her hair, and 2) things like scars and such cant be hidden. this rule mostly only matters for athena. i realize i incorporated gold into almost all of their designs but that wasnt intentional lol. anyways let meee talk about the specific gods now. also for fun, no god has normal eyes. theyre either shadowed out entirely, weird shapes, or have no pupils. or all three! i think weird eyes is what distinguishes a god in my designs. i havent done this in my circe or calypso designs but since theyre not quite gods but adjacent i might give them similarly weird eye shapes but also pupils. idk we'll see!
aeolus: so my aeolus design is originally from a sketch i did in class. i was trying to draw telemachus with long hair based on a friends fic and then i was like "oh this looks like how i imagine aeolus would" and the next thing i drew is pretty much Just this final design. i drew aeolus very loosely, he has a clear shape but he should never be fully defined if that makes sense? so when coloring it i decided fuck it he looks like a weird mass of clouds now. its fun! i might change that but idk. also its subtly trans colors because i believe in transmasc aeolus supremacy. i imagine him moving around very freely and seeming to appear and disappear out of nowhere
apollo: so i think apollo is actually the oldest design here? which is to say that i drew apollo ONCE in my sketchbook at the start of my epic hyperfixation and got really into this specific design. i sort of wanted to color him similarly to uh, if you know ginjaninja their design for their oc kynthia? but i ended up going with more just white and gold to keep it simple. i LOVE tiny color palettes lol. the original outfit i believeee was inspired by gigi's hermes actually? but i havent looked at that design in a while so its probably changed. he has a halo that originally looked more like the sun but ive simplified it a bit. why? its cool. also i mightve stolen that from somebody else but i literally CANNOT remember. anyways one fact about this design is that the first time i drew it i labelled it WHORE. you can see i did that in the sketch here too. in his honor.
hermes: little freak guy!! theres honestly not THAT much to say here about hermes. i drew him with a little messenger bag once and i cant NOT draw him with it now i think its cute. i draw odysseus, ctimene, and telemachus all with a gaptooth, and i've never drawn anticlea but i've had the conscious thought that id give it to her too, so fuck it! hermes gets it. it comes from him. the family gaptooth is from him i hope youre happy hermes erfgfrefgfr. color scheme wise i wanted to keep it mostly simple again, i always pictured hermes with silver/white hair for some reason idk why but thats here! and he has rainbow. because is it even hermes without rainbow. i might darken this palette a bit but i am pretty happy with him.
athena: so my athena design ive drawn a ton and shes changed a lot over time. i didnt originally want her to look tooooo birdlike? and then i committed to owlthena because its just FUN man. anyways her silhouette is meant to look very closed off, her "cloak" covers most of her body, just generally shes supposed to seem sort of unapproachable. (note: hes not here but i do this with odysseus too! both because i wanted a similar kind of closed off look for him, and that i wanted him and athena to have visual parallels). her cloak is actually just her wings though! i doodled them unfolded so you can see her without them, as well as without her helmet. her helmet covers one of her eyes with a shadow (again to make her look like shes sort of hiding something), which was a design choice i made BEFORE we found out she lost an eye to zeus, so! coincidentally its good for hiding that scar :]. i doodled her with long black hair ONE WHOLE TIME and its stuck in my mind since so i have to keep that design element forever now. sorry official brunette athena youre not real to me. her color scheme was a STRUGGLE for me though. i knew i wanted to fit blue in there somewhere, but i wasnt really sure how? i eventually caved and made her mostly black and silver with a bit of blue in there. the blue and black gives more magpie energy to her than owl, but i dont know, i like it. i might mess with it more, but yeah! athena! shes really fun to draw lol. i imagine shed be animated in a very constrained sort of way most of the time like her design sort of implies. she doesnt really make big gestures or unnecessary movements she would be sort of uncanny in how still she is most of the time i think.
aries: ive had an aries design for a while so i was basically just finalizing it here. he was supposed to look both very similar to athena and very opposite of her. so they have nearly identical outfits, they both have a helmet shadowing their eyes (but it shadows both of aries' here), theyve both got a lot of animal features (although aries is less visible here, he's a bit dog inspired. you can see his tail eheh), etc. the main difference is that aries is meant to look a lot less, for lack of a better word restrained? his scarf (because its really more of a scarf than a cloak like athena has) only covers part of his face and absolutely none of his body, so it think it gives him a look more like hes ready to fight at any second than athena. i also wanted him to look very scarred/like his armor is scratched up. he and athena are both war gods, but aries is much more likely to throw himself into things and get hurt, while athena plans things in such a way where shes almost never actually hit. brute force vs strategy and whatnot. i sort of wish id made his scars golden too, to look a bit more like athena though. originally the black was red, but it looked really bad, which SUCKS because i wanted the red to contrast with athenas blue. but he just has red eyes here.
aphrodite: very little thought behind this one because my first sketch of her was like two days ago and very inspired by gigis. i sort of wanted her to look doll-like and have a cupids bow lip, but otherwise i got NOTHING girl. shes got pearls and shells in her hair to allude to her connection with the sea though. also roses because i wanted to put in one more symbol and that was a nice way to get a bit more red in there.
hera: im the least happy with this design, almost entirely because of the coloring. i sketched it being more purple, but then i realized that 1) peacocks are a lot more green and 2) IM STEALING FROM JUNE AGAIN!!! THATS HOW JUNE DREW THEIR OC IN A MIRACULOUS AU GODDAMNIT. so the colors are traditional peacock and im NOT happy with them at all. the design is also still basically stolen from june once again i am SO sorry their work is just so integrated into my mind that its a part of me now i do it without thinking. very little notes here otherwise unfortunately,,,,
zeus: weirdly enough i think this is my favorite design? which is WILD because i basically thought of it on the spot like two or three days ago for a shitpost based on a silly manwhore au-adjacent fic i read. the design over all is inspired by neal's? but honestly i think ive done my own thing with it a bit. i didnt really want to do clouds in his hair because id associated that with aeolus in my head, but then i thought of it fading into a dark grey like stormclouds, and having his scarf like lightning? and then he appeared fully formed in front of me. bro is BARELY dressed dude put a shirt on. also his eyebrows are cloud shaped like ursaluna. i fucking hate this dude but im happy with this design
poseidon: OKAY SO POSEIDON IS THE MOST OUT THERE DESIGN HERE I THINK. hes definitely the most inhuman looking one despite us having literally a bird right there, but that was somewhat intentional? and also somewhat because i had a very clear vision of him and needed to make it real exactly as i first thought sorry. anyways, for some characterization, i think with my idea of the gods choosing their appearances and poseidon being a lot more monstrous, you could say he CHOOSES to look unnerving. side note, this is very personal to me but i really like the idea of athena looking more like poseidon than any of her other family. i dont know WHY i just got really attached to that idea. so they have the same hair and somewhat similar faces i think. the resemblance isnt major but it is THERE for sure.
and thaaaats all the gods! i hope you like them :] im going to go review for a test i have tomorrow now
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hannahssimblr · 21 hours ago
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Christmas day is white and razor sharp. A blanket of cloud extends far over the fjord, the sky so bright it stings the eye. We walk together, the Larsens and me, on a path, unsheltered from a biting wind that slices over the inlet, head on, roaring in my ears, sending tears streaming from my eyes. Astrid’s gloved hand is warm in mine, humming a tuneless melody as she gazes out over the water, her hair billowing behind like a white flag. 
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We trail behind the others. Gitte and Mia, hiking purposefully in suitable shoes, and Pernille, Felix in a sling on her back, his fat little limbs hanging there, insulated in his thick, puffy winter suit. They’re all talking, not bothering with English now as we’ve fallen out of earshot, but it’s pleasant anyway, just to hear the joyful peaks of their voices rising over the bluster. Pointing out seabirds to Felix, who does not care, then bursting in to simultaneous laughter about something. It echoes, carrying far out over the tattered land around us.
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“It’s fairly great here,” I say, and Astrid, distracted, turns her head. “Hm?”
“Like, I like it here. Your house, and your family and all.”
“Oh, yes. It’s fine.”
“If this was my home, I’d be here the whole time. I’d come back to visit every chance I could.”
“Easy to say that, I think, but it was a boring place to grow up.”
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The ground is uneven, pockmarked with puddle-filled divots from this morning’s rainfall. Around us is a wild landscape with silver headed wild grasses shimmering in the wind. When I run my hands over them, they hiss through my fingers.
“I think that’d be okay.”
She laughs. “It would not be okay. You, of all people, loathe being bored. Imagine being stuck here,” gesturing around us, a palette of grey, bare trees, orange roofs standing out like beacons. “You would want to die.”
“It seems okay for your mother. And for Pernille.” 
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“Oh, yes, Pernille,” she rolls her eyes. “Who didn’t know she had the option to leave, and now it’s too late.” 
“Well, she seems happy. I know things with her boyfriend didn’t work out and all, but she’s got a nice quiet life at home with your mom and Felix. There are worse things.”
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Astrid scoffs, as though happiness in these circumstances is inconceivable. “She could have gone to college, travelled the world, dated a man who wasn’t a known failure. She’s twenty-seven, and this is it? In her hometown with a baby, living again with her mother? At weekends she goes for coffee with the women she knows from school, and they are all the same as her. She–” she breaks off, catching sight of my expression. “I don’t mean to speak harshly of her, obviously. Maybe she is happy. I don’t know, but I find it all frightening.”
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This makes me laugh. “Frightening?”
“Yes! See?” throwing a hand toward her sister, I look, and see nothing to be horrified of. A woman carrying a baby, is all. Heavy winter coat, woollen hat, nose red from the wind. “Pernille was cool, once. Always going to parties and things, wearing fashionable clothing, smoking weed all the time… the pregnancy did horrendous things to her body, too. Her hair was falling out, and she swelled up so much her clothes never fit anymore. Oh, and the birth.” She shudders in horror. “I’m glad I will never do it.”
“Give birth?”
“Of course. I would never. And what would I do with an infant? What would we talk about? It’s an outrageous concept.”
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“Oh, c’mon. I know there are downsides, but don’t you ever look at Felix and think he’s such a cool little guy? I think it’d be fun. You could put the baby in one of those sling things and bring them around the place. Give them a set of keys to look at for an hour. They think everything is amazing.”
“You are naïve.” 
“I just don’t think babies are horrible.”
“Well, me neither. They are fine. But I don’t plan to have one.”
“Never? Like, not a chance?”
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“No,” her mouth curls up. Comical. And indeed, Astrid. Pregnant. Astrid with a baby in her arms. It’d never occurred to me to envisage such things before, as being responsible for a pregnancy was never my agenda, but it’s a near alien idea. She wouldn’t do it. She’s not the type of woman to subject herself to it. The blood and tears and sick of it all. 
She looks at me. “Would you?”
I hesitate. “Well, I don’t know. I suppose not.”
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Ahead, the others are stopping to greet a woman who has come down the path in the opposite direction. In her fifties, wrapped up for the weather, greeting Gitte with a hug.
Astrid swears under her breath and turns herself away. I frown. “Who’s that?” Behind me are greetings, “Hej, Pernille, Mia!” Wishing each other a happy Christmas, chattering happily. 
“Oh, she’s a friend of my mothers. Very boring. One of those women that just goes on and on forever. I don’t want to talk to her today.”
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“Hej, Astrid!” The woman calls out, adding something else I cannot understand. Astrid turns slowly with a grimace, like the action is painful. “Hej,” she mutters. “Glædelig jul.”
She addresses me, then. A barrage of words I cannot even begin to understand. “Eh,” I say. “Jeg kan ikke tale dansk.” I cannot speak Danish. One of the few phrases I know. My pronunciation was diabolical, I can tell by her sympathetic expression, but it gets the point across. She addresses Gitte instead, while I stand there smiling, being discussed without the luxury of understanding. Having to assume what is being said is both flattering and factual. 
“Ahh!” the woman says, fascinated. Yes, yes, very interesting. Your friend’s daughter’s Irish boyfriend is here. There he is, now. Have a good look at him while you have the chance.  
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“Oh, let’s just go home,” Astrid mutters. “It’s cold.”
“Hm?”
“Let’s go home. They will talk forever.”
“Are you sure? Looks like it isn’t too far to the end of the walk. We could finish it.”
“No,” she says. “I’d rather go. I want to be by the fire.”
She doesn’t seem herself. The body language of a small, insecure person. Shoulders hunched, face turned defensively away, and this frown upon her face, brows pulled together. She wipes her running nose with the back of her glove. 
“Uh, yeah, okay then,” I say. “Are you all good?”
“Yes, of course, I just would prefer to be home now.”
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“Okay, yeah, fine then.” We turn to leave, but Gitte calls for us. “Astrid? Jude?”
“Yeah, we’re just cold. We’re gonna head back,” I say. 
“Helle has invited us for gløgg at her home. We are going, but if you don’t want to…?”
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I look to Astrid, already marching ten feet ahead. I scratch my brow. “Uh, I don’t think so, Gitte. We just want to get home, but enjoy yourself. Nice to… tell Helle it was nice to meet her.”
I meet Mia’s gaze for one moment, smirking to herself, before turning away. 
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I hurry after my girlfriend and take her hand again, unsteady feet on the terrain, dodging the puddles, but the wind is at our backs this time, propelling us toward home. 
Beginning // Prev // Next
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sturniololuvz · 2 days ago
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little sister sees chris drinking/smoking underage and goes to rat him out
lol ! okayyy
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“Catching Chris”
Sturniolos x sister
Warnings : drinking
Y/N had always looked up to her older brothers, the Sturniolo Triplets. They were funny, protective, and (most of the time) pretty cool. But being the youngest at 13 meant she often got left out of their teenage adventures.
Tonight, though? She had accidentally walked into one.
The Discovery
Y/N had been searching for her hoodie, convinced one of her brothers had stolen it, when she heard a clink from the kitchen. It was late—way past the time when any of them should have been downstairs.
Curious, she tiptoed toward the sound.
That’s when she saw him.
Chris was leaning against the counter, a red plastic cup in his hand. At first, she didn’t think much of it—until she saw the bottle next to him.
Her eyes widened.
“Chris?”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, fumbling with the cup before turning to face her. “Y/N?! What are you doing down here?”
“I was looking for my hoodie,” she said, crossing her arms. “What are you doing?”
Chris hesitated for a second before sighing. “Look, it’s just one drink. No big deal.”
Y/N’s mouth fell open. “Are you serious? You’re not even 21! Does Matt and Nick know you’re doing this?”
Chris groaned. “No, and you’re not gonna tell them.”
Y/N tilted her head. “Oh, I so am.”
Chris’s eyes widened. “Dude. No. Come on, it’s not like I do this all the time.”
“Don’t care,” she said, already turning on her heel. “You’re so busted.”
The Aftermath
It took Y/N exactly 30 seconds to wake Matt and Nick.
“Guys!” she hissed, shaking Matt awake first.
“What?” he mumbled sleepily.
“Chris is drinking in the kitchen!”
That woke him up.
“What?!” Matt shot up as Nick groaned.
“You better not be messing with us,” Nick grumbled.
“I swear!” Y/N insisted. “Come see for yourself!”
The three of them marched down to the kitchen, where Chris was still standing, guilty as ever.
“Bro, really?” Matt said, crossing his arms.
Chris groaned. “Y/N, you snitched?”
“Obviously.” She smirked.
Nick grabbed the cup from Chris’s hand, sniffed it, and wrinkled his nose. “Dude, this is nasty. Why would you even want to drink this?”
Chris ran a hand through his hair. “I wasn’t gonna get, like, drunk or anything. I was just trying it.”
Matt sighed. “That’s still dumb, man.”
Nick dumped the drink into the sink. “If Mom and Dad find out—”
“They won’t,” Chris cut in. “Because we’re not telling them. Right, Y/N?”
She grinned. “Hmm. Maybe I should tell them, just in case.”
“Y/N!” Chris whined.
Matt chuckled, ruffling her hair. “Nah, I think she did her job already.”
Chris groaned. “Great. Now I have three parents.”
Y/N smirked. “Yep. And don’t you forget it.”
And just like that, Chris learned the hard way—when you have a little sister, nothing stays a secret.
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pixie77x2001 · 1 day ago
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Here are my answers :D
Giacomo: Giacomo isn’t only my favorite character but also my comfort character Giacomo has helped me mentally when I was having a difficult time of my life due to personal reasons (won’t explain it btw) but if I could speak to Giacomo personally like ever I would thank him for making my days a lot brighter when I was going through a lot and since 2023 back in November I started simping for him since he makes me so happy
Giacomo: (yes again lol) I liked him the first time I saw him and I know his first battle with him is quick but I always enjoyed seeing him and pretty much the same reason why I favorite him as my favorite team star member
Teal Mask DLC: i honestly enjoyed the area and the music too I find it very relaxing yet fun to play and do on there and also got to meet Kieran for the first time and yes my all time favorite character from the DLC
Drayton: I would say Drayton not only he immediately became my all time favorite elite four member but also straight up hilarious and I love his lay back vibe and honestly I don’t see him as a “Jerk” to me he’s just a chill guy after all
Here’s my opinion on the area zero crew: (note: don’t hate on me for my humble opinion) (Penny: I really love her character a lot and I honestly see my younger self in her and yet she reminds me so much of myself probably the most relatable character I relate to my favorite poke girl by far) (Nemona: I do like her character too I especially love her love for Pokémon battles and especially her bubbly personality not my most favorite character but I like her better then other characters) (Arven: I’m not crazy about Arven I do like him quite funny and all but one thing that makes me angry that he literally spams the “rock polish” a while I’m doing all the heavy work like it always makes me so angry I know defensive is good but it can’t completely save you but other then that I do like him not enough to be a love or be a favorite though)
Here’s my opinion on the sibling relationship between Kieran & Carmine: honestly I prefer Kieran over Carmine because not only she treats him horribly and was horrible to him in general but make us lie to Kieran! I won’t ever forgive Carmine for that and no one can make me like her like at all
Here’s my opinion on the BB league members: I find them a fun yet relatable friend group and I love each and every one of them sm
Slither Wing: my god what a cutie I love how fluffy it is and it’s probably my all time favorite and I may use it sometime whenever I replay the game :O
Revavroom: I would say Revavroom not only it’s a cool Pokémon and it’s both my favorite steel and poison type it honestly has the best shiny form I ever seen like a GOLDEN CAR like come on! You can’t tell me that isn’t one of the most prettiest shinys ever and true story I also lost a shiny Revavroom that disappeared before I could get to it I was is upset and still am :’/
Starfall Street: I love the story behind team star and the quest itself not only because I get to see my two favorites Giacomo and Atticus But the story of team star had my attention the most in the game i love coming up with theories about them as for team star’s bullies…whoever they were I’m not forgiving them especially when they hurt my boi Giacomo (may do a post of my theories on team star’s bullies in the future) was such a emotional yet heart warming story and overall probably the most relatable back story because I was bullied as well back in school so if I knew Team star’s sooner I could give them a call lol
Here are my thoughts: I do hope to see a sequel because not only I wanna see who team star bullies were since there off screen characters at the moment but to see flashbacks that we didn’t get to see like see team star’s bullies from there view and figure out where they been all that time after leaving the academy and also see what team star from is up too but like I said I will make a future post on my theory on them soon so stay tuned for that)
Please don’t hate on my opinion on the things I listed
Pokemon Scarvio themed reblog/tag game!
-- ❤️: Favorite character?
-- ⭐️: Favorite Team Star member?
-- 0️⃣: Favorite DLC character?
-- 💥: Favorite Gym leader/Elite four?
-- 📝: Opinion on each of the Zero Crew? (Arven, Penny, Nemona)
-- 🌲: Opinion on the Kitakami siblings?
-- 🫐: Opinion on the BB league members?
-- ⏱️: Favorite Paradox Pokemon?
-- 💛: Favorite Paldean Pokemon?
-- 📖: Favorite storyline? (Ex: Mochi mayhem, Starfall street)
-- 🗣️: Anything you want to say about Scarvio? (Infodump, a rant, or just other thoughts)
Feel free to infodump alongside your answers! Anyone is allowed to reblog :3
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meownotgood · 11 months ago
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i need pictures of aki today before I get overwhelmed and burst into tears
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brofightiscancelled · 2 months ago
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okay ill bite why do u hate kaoru sakuraba sidem aside from the fact that they went from hokuto as a main blue to downgrade to kaoru. to make it less awkward that I’m asking abt sidem on ur osomatsu side blog, what sidem idols would u assign to each matsu ?
i think sideM should collab w osomatsu-san and put them all in Beit so they can all get JOBS!!!!!!
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anyways i hate kaoru from idolmaster sideM. i need all my osomatsu-san side blog followers to know that i hate this man. "i need a lot of money fast to pursue an extremely niche medical research track, which is why i quit my stable and high paying job as a surgeon to become an idol while having no soft skills, physical strength or stamina, or interest in getting along with people" are you Stupid??
he's not even using his idol clout to spread awareness of the rare disease he's trying to cure (like SEM does) so it can secure funding, he sees it 100% as a job and refuses to have fun, he is actively unpleasant and uncooperative in every interaction with his coworkers because he's trying to "rise to the top". it seems like the only thing he has going for him are his looks and that he kind of liked to sing when he was a kid. why not become a model at that point when you have the personality of a wet tree trunk. or better yet why not STAY A FUCKING DOCTOR!!!!!
also, i don't like meganes, so write that down.
#context for oomfiematsus: idolmaster sideM's gimmick is that all the idols were other things before becoming idols#Beit is the unit whose gimmick is that all their members have part time jobs (baito)#others are like. lawyer -> idol; pilot -> idol; pianist -> idol; rakugoka -> idol; etc#finding out the backstories/previous lives of these idols is like the main appeal of this branch#a lot of times it's like trauma and stuff that causes them to switch careers. like there's a pair of twins who were former soccer pros#but one suffers a career-ending injury and it's sad. and theyre like well we were pretty good at PR and stuff though so let's be idols#(the other twin follows him because yknow twinsies <3 cant be apart)#and this guy is in the main unit so you meet him and he's just a fucking dick the whole time and he just seems to fucking hate being an ido#so the whole time youre like what's this guy's deal#(note i experienced this through the anime cuz all the games are EOS lol)#and then like 3/4ths into the anime in you finally get his backstory#and it's that his sister died of a very rare disease so he needs money to fund research to find the cure but no one will fund it#but instead of staying a doctor he decides the best way to do this is to BECOME AN IDOL?!!!?!?#like sure i bet the top idols do make more than an average surgeon? but it's like do you want a .01% chance to make a $2 million salary#or an 100% chance to make a $300k salary BECAUSE YOURE ALREADY A SURGEON!!!!#and it'd be another thing if he was like. kinda having fun with it. kinda being jovial#like there's literally another guy in the teacher unit who became an idol for the exact same reason (heard it was lucrative)#but then after he finds out being an idol actually isnt all that much cash#so he just decides to have fun being an idol instead!!!!#this guy NEVER GETS THERE. he's always a SERIOUS RUDE STICK IN THE MUD who is NEVER FUN TO BE AROUND BECAUSE HE'S LIKE#I'm Here For Work. I'm Here To Be The Best Idol. I Don't Want To Make Friends#LIKE GET REEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL DUDE YOUR COWORKERS ARE 10 YEAR OLDS IN ANIMAL COSTUMES AND 30 YEAR OLD MEN IN PINK TIGHTS.#anyways everyone likes him i guess he's supposed to be the “cold guy eventually opens his heart” kind of guy but he has always just come of#as very annoying to me. and also DUMB AS FUCK i cannot stress enough how STUPID OF A CAREER CHOICE THIS WAS#so i cant take him seriously when they try to play him up as this cool all-knowing guy when he's the STUPIDEST PERSON AT THIS COMPANY#INCLUDING THE 9 YEAR OLDS
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al-luviec · 4 months ago
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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confusionism · 15 hours ago
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"Hey," he replies, his shoulders almost shaking from suppressed mirth, "my eyes are up here." Turning the tables, because he can only imagine the number of times she’s said the same, albeit seriously. Minus the bashfulness, however, Aiden would never actually complain about Anna’s ogling. What gives him pause now is more of their surroundings. The murmur of the crowd, that’s gotten just a little bit louder. “I’m gonna stop.” Fuel for him to put the slightest, barely-noticeable distance between them, “—‘Cause I will start a commotion if you let me keep me going about, you know—” his gaze slides down her smooth curves before returning back up, “—you being down under.”
But it’s definitely a high-issue topic to revisit later. It always is.
For the moment, he refocuses on her curiosity, and it seems like he’s back to his usual self, questioning the world and its dramatic oddities with the faintest quirk in his brow. “About Chelsea, but you know something— I think that dude’s usually got a thing for animals? He did that one movie last year, about a scientist who made friends with an octopus while studying a kelp forest?” He’s suddenly serious when he adds, “—Before that, I think it was about endangered birds.” The history’s pretty interesting. Animals are cool. He just can’t understand the connection between staunch environmentalism and… Sports. Whether it’s the reality of football attracting a more vocal, more viral crowd, or just another example of how people can have a strange mix of interests, he shakes his head. “Hope he’s not saying Chelsea’s going extinct or something.”
Whatever the reasoning for the offer the, he doesn’t truly care what that guy thinks; Aiden’s not about to let some folks with deep pockets make a circus out of his guys. They’re fools, but his fools. Leave it to him to embarrass them. So maybe it’s a little funny, a little odd, a little out of place when he answers,
“I don’t have any friends.” Plain and simple. Aiden knows people — gets paid a hefty sum to know them like the back of his hand — and yet nobody really knows him. It takes about ten seconds for him to think, ‘Well, shit,’ because he doesn’t want this to turn into a pity party. “—Or, like— I’m not like that.” Obviously. “I don’t really have anyone specific I go reaching out to for company.” Background mentality. If they want him there, they’ll ask, and he’ll see if his brain is ready to deal with all of the extra noise. There’s nothing in his posture, his expression, or in his words that indicates even the slightest bit of dissatisfaction.
There’s no sort of judgment or excessive pushiness coming out of Anna, either, yet there’s something… Aiden can’t really describe it. Anna Ricci (the person) magic. The weird stuff that’s got him adding to his ‘a game’ playlist, its energetic name masking the collection R&B jams and other cheesy shit he’s picked out because the vibes remind him of her. “I prefer watching games alone.” His brain’s usually loud enough to fill up the gaps then. “—But I’ll tell you what. Next time I get the invite,” to some gallery opening courtesy of some artistic acquaintance, or even just a lowkey dig hosted by a friendly face, “I’ll take you along.” No questions asked (other than confirming her interest), no hesitations. Even when he tilts his head and asks, “Or is that your way of saying you wanna host at our place?”
Whichever one she’d pick, for she’s built her fair share of new furnishings and filled out the spaces well enough to really make them both homes. Soft warmth courses through his veins at the mere thought, along with the never-ending urge to remind her, “I wanna make it completely clear, though: you’re my MVP.” His first choice for a single call— the only one outside of work he regularly calls, and he’s more than content with that. And just like that, he’s even closer to her, with his hand squeezing back. “I’m not subbing you any time soon.”
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"Tony fights anyone who gets between him and the season finale of Love is Blind." Sure, he did it for Anna, for her ever-abundance of loyalty for Aiden. But there's also the reality that Tony's now at Vauxhall, downing shots everytime someone says they're on the island for the "right reasons." Two things can be true. "I didn't start a commotion." Anna lowers her head, like a little girl caught red-handed. No, Aiden's not telling her off. He's echoing her commitment, but still reminding her - there's some things one ought not to do. Getting arrested, or causing a commotion, for one. "And if I did..." By sprinting down the airport, throwing a hundred quid at a kid whose drink she knocked over, and then pouting at an officer...
"I know you'd be there to bail me out." Because Anna may have acted the fairy godmother of the evening. But in every other sense, it's Aiden who sweeps in to save her. Or better yet, show her the way out. The proof is in every new thing she learns to do with him. This is just one of many ways she gives it back, coming closer to brush the nice fabric of his suit. "Or use the nail file on your Swiss army knife and get us both free." Heroes or bandits? The jury's out. Regardless, it's clear now; they only look the part of posh and proper.
Because when Aiden leans in, smelling heavenly and with that look in his eye. With the sort of joke that makes her laugh second, because first, her eyes drop down to the area between his legs. "Fuck me." Anna whispers, eyes wide and brightly scandalized. "And here I thought I just got outta down under." Now, however, her mind's firmly down there...
Which makes her take a half-second longer to register Aiden's answer. "Like, about snow leopards? Or about you and Chelsea?" Documentaries go either way. "I can see that. Like, catching up with Chelsea?" Really, she does it just to tease. Because Aiden can do anything... Except be on a reality TV show.
"Glad you didn't sub in another plus one." Her hand finds his, giving it a small squeeze. "Like Bailey. Or --" Come to think of it, Anna tilts her head; "I should meet some of your friends." Because in the storm of Anna's extroversion, it's assumed she would have met anyone of importance. Yet that's her, not him, and even some need a push.
"You know, friends to watch the game with--" Like Aiden doesn't do that everyday. "Keep you company when I'm away." He's more than capable of taking care of himself. The better one of the pair of them, candidly. And yet, a part of her worries about the long nights spent apart, the dinners eaten alone. "I wanna meet them." Or find them, she thinks. Though, unlikely to find them here.
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 year ago
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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.
you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.
so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.
you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.
you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.
you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.
you know you broke the rule by interacting.
but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.
#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even#though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism#2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them#3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have#encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in#nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally#about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces#and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided#tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla#6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl#i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this#nyarla dni#<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks#adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like#the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously#and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it#but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia#namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always#distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever#i just thought me writing “*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post#i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys 🫶
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sleepvines · 5 months ago
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no hate but I'm annoyed seeing somebody get called a "nonbinary gremlin" again
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iheartbookbran · 4 months ago
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I feel like with this whole Liam Payne situation and the resurgence of 1D content (which I’ll be lying if I said I haven’t been enjoying) it’s easy to forget what a real tragedy this is—because obviously I don’t know any of these men personally nor will I ever, but the 5 of them where still incredibly important to me in a very dark and yet very formative period of my life, and they deserve that recognition on my part at least. Growing up I very rarely thought about how the 1D members were very close in age with me, only a couple of years older, yet while I was living the last years of my childhood protected by my parents, they were literally plucked from their homes, overworked to the bone and thrown to the wolves.
Liam became an abuser and an addict, there’s no denying that, but it’s very hard for me to think that the boy I used to eagerly watch videos of everyday when I was a teen started off that way—and this isn’t me trying to put my nostalgia above the pain of his victims at all, I’m just pointing out how the cycle of abuse perpetuated by the industry can only end up ruining lives. Liam’s life absolutely did not have to end the way it did. Ultimately Maya Henry and the rest of his victims don’t deserve to be blamed for this, they should receive nothing but compassion and empathy from us, and so should Liam’s family, especially his son.
I think I will, bearing that in mind, allow myself to mourn Liam, and the girl I used to be and that he was such a huge part of. I can never be that girl again, I’ve lost and gained too much over the years to ever be her again.
I will also allow myself to mourn the rest of the 1D boys too, because while I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to them, they aren’t those boys anymore, the pedestal they used to occupy no longer exists in my heart, but a part of my love for them will always be there.
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