#and then they try to guilt trip loki about odin too

[galaxythreads]

oh and another thing! what was the point of having Loki develop friendships so that way he could "have a meaningful relationship for the first time in his life" when Thor was RIGHT THERE the whole time???

The movie saga:

The series, for some reason:

[fluffyfantasticducky]

Mistakes and regrets

☆ Pairing: Loki x Reader

☆ Synopsis: Loki is a prisoner that sees his way out through pretending to date you, but when he finds true love he doesn't know how to deal with the guilt of making a very similar damage to the one that had been done to him when he was used for what originally were selfish reasons.

☆ Word Count: 10.5k, I think that's my longest fic yet, and written in the shortest time lapse, not sure what that says about my mental stability rn.

☆ Notes: As I proofread I noticed this could be interpreted as generational trauma, sort of... given I made Loki sort of mirror what Odin did to him. But I wasn't trying to be deep, I just felt like shit during the week and used this to cope. The fic might be cringy as a result, I am honestly not sure.

☆ Warnings: Depression and guilt are the focus points of this storyline. Loki starts is kinda toxic his behavior here isn't meant to be romanticized or intended to be extrapolated to real life, I just wanted to explore a narrative surrounding poor decisions and the dealing of its consequences. The reader is kinda a Mary Sue of sweetness but I just wanted to hammer in Loki feeling bad and guilty. I don't know if this is a trigger but I touch the vault scene of Loki and Odin and Odin being forgiven is also handled, Idk if that's trigger warning worthy but I know most of the fandom hates him.

“You’re not making it any for me brother.” Thor spoke through the glass.

“I want my freedom, brother.” Loki sighed, sitting down on the uncomfortable bench. “Don’t think of me as ungrateful, but as much as I appreciate not being executed, I can’t exactly call this a life.”

“Director Fury insisted, I’ve tried explaining to him that New York was a complicated situation. But he wants to be sure you are not a threat to Earth– uh, Midgard.”

“You've surely adapted well to living here” Loki rolled his eyes. “Pathetic.”

“Cooperate with me, I brother” Thor begged. “I want to help you, but I need you to help me first.”

“I’m not sure what I am expected to do from here” Loki huffed annoyed.

Thor sighed and gave his little brother a sympathetic look. Loki was frustrated, and he couldn’t blame him. He would be too if he got brainwashed, had all his anger, sense of betrayal and resentment exploited to torture an innocent planet, and still be the one to pay for said crimes… Sure he wouldn’t be all jokes and laughs.

“I’ve been negotiating a way to test your stability and get your freedom” Thor smiled hoping to cheer up his brother. And he made Loki look up. “It’d be a bit uncomfortable at first. But I know you can prove yourself. You’d have to wear cuffs or a while, but you’d be free to walk around with me and the others on trips to the city.”

“Hooray…” Loki rolled his eyes.

“Please brother, I’m trying, I just need you to be patient.” Thor spoke sadly as he made his way out. “I hate this as much as you do.”

“Do you?” Loki said. “As far as I know, you’re not the one in a crystal cell.”

“Alright, almost as much as you do.” Thor joked softly and Loki did chuckle weakly.

He agreed that Thor had been furious. But it all happened so fast.

Thor had managed to land a fatal blow on Thanos’ chest and soon Steve, Natasha, and Bruce had arrived to back him up and retrieve the Infinity gauntlet. They opened a portal to bring back Tony, Doctor Strange, and the Spider Ling… And surprisingly a weird group of space travelers.

When Thor realized they could travel to anywhere in the universe they opened a portal to rescue the Asgardian ship. There were a lot of severe wounds but surprisingly Thanos had failed, he underestimated the strength of Asgard, and most people could be saved.

“Thor!” Valkyrie screamed and rushed to hug the king.

“Valkyrie! You are alright! Thank goodness!” Thor smiled in relief and hugged his friend.

“Thor you have to come quick!” Valkyrie urged him. “It’s Loki!”

Thor’s heart sank, his heart couldn’t stand burying the only family member he had left. Thor had lost his parents… he had seen his whole planet die. But not his baby brother. Not Loki. Not again.

“Please… not now… Let’s treat the wounded ones first…” Thor spoke with a knot on his throat. “I want to focus on saving lives first.”

“Thor, you don’t get it! He’s alive!” Valkyrie scolded him. “But he’s in a critical state! We need to take him to a safe place to treat him.”

A tear streamed down the new king’s face, and he felt as if he had finally put down a enormous boulder he had been holding onto. He didn’t lose Loki.

“Take me to him!” Thor urged them.

Valkyrie took Thor to a damaged room in the ship that had been used as an improvised infirmary. In the corner laid a figure Thor knew too well being treated by healers.

“Brother!” Thor said. “Oh Gods… You’re alive…”

“You can’t get rid of me that easily thunder brain… ugh…!” Loki joked weakly as he groaned in pain. The healers begged him not to move as they tried stabilizing his condition. His neck had been nearly obliterated.

It was a miracle Loki hadn’t died and that the healers had managed to find him on time.

“We couldn’t abandon him” one of the healers spoke politely to her king. “After all, it was because of you and prince Loki that Lady Valkyrie managed to evacuate the survivors. We apologize for not finding you, my king.”

“It’s no problem at all” Thor laughed in an uncharacteristically quiet manner. He was breathless. “Thank you for saving my brother’s life.”

The lady healer let out a sheepish giggle and bowed. Loki rolled his eyes, earning a lecture from the healers that were still treating him. King or not, Thor still had that charm that seemed to make most people swoon.

The reunion was interrupted by a group of soldiers that broke in with a logo on their uniforms that made Thor’s blood boil when they pointed their weapons at Loki. SHEILD.

They picked up the stretcher where Loki was laying in and took him away to lock him up.

Apparently, the news travel fast, but SHIELD travels faster, and hearing Loki was alive was enough to mobilize and capture the injured God and lock him in a crystal prison cell in a SHIELD base. If Loki had a coin for every time that happened… he’d have two.

He couldn’t say Thor didn’t do anything about it. He could hear the thunders and enraged screams from his brother, demanding for an explanation and Loki’s immediate liberation.

“I demand my brother is released immediately!” Thor yelled.

“You should consider yourself grateful we’re allowing your witches to go and heal that world-level threat! He would be better off dead!”

“Don’t you dare speak of my brother like that! Me and all of my people would’ve died if it wasn’t for him!”

Loki wasn’t sure if he was amused or if he felt bad.

It did stroke his ego being called “Asgard’s hero” in the middle of the yelling. It shouldn’t have surprised him that Nick Fury was just as loud as Thor when angry. He couldn’t complain much. It made it much easier to hear what was going on, which was good, he was too weakened to use his magic to spy on them.

The healers tending to his neck sure seemed awkward overhearing the fight. It must have been uncomfortable to be doing your job in a high security cell. So, he tried entertaining the healers as he could. Although all he got was a lecture when his magic drained his energy, and they needed him awake to monitor him.

Soon he got better, he but wasn’t allowed to be out of his cell. It was a bit nostalgic, in some dark and twisted way. It even made him want to fix his old horned helmet, even if Thor would call him a cow for wearing it.

And when things couldn’t get worse… he met you.

“It’s lunch time” a voice said in a weirdly friendly tone before you head popped by the entrance as you balanced a tray of food on your head in an attempt to amuse Loki. He wondered if there were buffoons in Midgard, but you always tried to draw a laugh from him… Tried.

“Tough crowd, eh?”

Loki couldn’t not be baffled by the way you talked to him. Although he couldn’t decide if that was because you surely knew his reputation as Midgard’s terrorist or because you always talked in a friendly and goofy tone in a maximum-security prison in a super-secret spy agency. You also seemed to be awfully young to be here, but you couldn’t be much older than the girl Barton took as his protégée.

“What’s on the menu today?” Loki asked in a more formal tone.

“Why the hurry?” you asked, “don’t tell me you got somewhere else to be.”

“You think you are a lot funnier than you really are” Loki rolled his eyes. “And it’s not very nice to make fun of someone’s disgrace.”

“I hear you think I’m at least a little bit funny” you smiled as you kept balancing the tray of food on your head.

“Please don’t drop my food, I’d like to have at least something to eat” he rolled his eyes.

You tripped on your feet, and he saw the tray falling down, you caught it last second with your shins, and gave him a little sheepish grin.

“Alright, alright, I’m impressed” Loki groaned. “Can I eat now please? Or is having you torment me part of some attempt to break me?”

“Why are you so moody?” you asked. “More than usual, I mean.”

“I’m starving, and you humans eat way too little” Loki finally admitted. “But that is still better than nothing… Please.”

You stopped playing around and you looked at him as you got the tray into his cell.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were eating so little.” You admitted.

“I barely have energy to cast small illusions, which would serve to entertain myself.” Loki complained as he sat to eat and you sat by the table and looked at him, you didn’t seem afraid, curious at most. You watched him eat and took his dirty plates by the end.

You weirded him out.

You always did something along the same lines; you came to bring him food, teased him a little and then left when you were gone. Although this time you had asked more questions about him. And you seemed more pensive while he ate.

And later that day he got a surprise. Usually, he just saw you to deal with you while he ate. But today you returned with a brown paper bag on your hands and a backpack, you never carried personal objects with you.

“What now?” he groaned.

You said nothing but opened the door to pass him food and slid the bag inside. Loki opened his end and grabbed the bag, it was warm, and it had a strong smell inside, he reached and pulled out a weird soft cushion with a white cover.

“Bur…ger? What this?” he asked as he read the yellow letters.

“It’s food” you smiled. “Cafeteria is closed until dinner, so I thought bringing you something else might boost your mood.”

“This looks like junk” he snarled, making you laugh.

“It’s something like that.”

Loki looked inside the bag and looked at you.

“There’s no fork.”

“You eat it with your hands” you smiled and pretended to grab a burger and bite it. “Like a sandwich.”

“What’s a sandwich?” Loki asked, making you laugh again.

Loki tried to take a bit, imitating your gesture, but you stopped with a squeaky laugh.

“Unwrap it first!” you laughed. “The white thing paper is not edible.”

Usually Loki would’ve argued more. But he had been really hungry, so he agreed.

“The taste is agreeable enough.”

“Try the fries!” you said eagerly.

“These yellow sticks?” he asked pulling out one fry from the bag, and you giggle once again, he was learning you were quite easy to amuse.

“Yes, the yellow sticks, they’re potatoes with salt and soaked in hot oil to cook them” you smiled.

“That sounds unhealthy” he said, but he surely didn’t pass up the extra meal, and while he’d never admit it, but it was tasty.

“It is on the long run” you agreed. “But you don’t eat these every day. It’s more like… something you eat when you particularly crave it. Like a treat.”

“What’s on your bag?” Loki asked, a lot more agreeable now with a full stomach.

“Ah, you said you didn’t have much to do” you said and passed him bag. “It’s a portable DVD player and old movies.”

“I understood the word portable from that whole sentence” Loki said in an obvious tone.

He wasn’t new to technology, but unlike Earth, Asgard only used technology for practical purposes like travel and fighting. Never for entertainment.

“You can watch recorded over produced plays on the screen” you said adapting to what Loki might be familiar with. “Fury said you can’t have access to internet, so I thought since I don’t use this anymore it’d keep you entertained while Thor negotiates your freedom. And if you need something else, I could surely get it for you.”

Loki was trying to process it all while he followed your instructions to set up the devices you brought him. Now he’d finally give some use to the electricity plugins on his cell.

“Why are you so nice to me?” Loki asked.

“I don’t know” you shrugged. “You seem like you could use some kindness.”

“I’m a charity case?” Loki asked, not sure if he was thankful or offended.

“You wish. If I was charitable, I would’ve brought a fancy brand of fast food, and you’re a good junkyard to bring my old stuff” you snarled, making Loki laugh, for real this time.

Your cheeks flushed and were soon surrounded in a clod of silver mist. And when it disappeared you had vanished already.

Now that… Loki didn’t see coming. He had heard of your kind when he took control of some of SHIELD agents, humans with supernatural abilities. You were a mutant, and for the looks of it, one with teleportation powers. Now it made sense why someone seemingly so ordinary was in a place like this, flirting with a prisoner.

Interesting.

The next few days you kept bringing him food as usual, but two things had changed. One, the portions were bigger now, Loki now got to eat to a point where he was satisfied. Two, you joked around a lot less, in fact, you simply brought the food and stayed nearby in silence, and Loki had caught you staring at him with rosy cheeks.

So, you did fancy him… Truly interesting. And quite flattering too, he at least had to agree you were quite appealing to stare at.

“I watched one of your… Dee Bee Dees…” Loki started the conversation while he ate. “The one with the funny doctor…”

“That… doesn’t narrow it down much” you finally spoke. “Sarcastic asshole with a wounded leg?”

“He is sarcastic, but he treats patients with joy and laughter and goes against the rules. Like the pair of legs at the entrance” Loki specified. “It was a sweet story… I did feel bad for him when he lost his… you know.”

“Ah, yeah…” you said sadly.

For a few more days, the routine kept like that, you seemed a lot shyer than before and now Loki was the one pursuing your attention and with an arsenal of movies you had watched he always had a way to start conversation.

When he was sure he had properly understood your interest in him, he made his move.

While Loki wasn’t as flashy as Thor, he never had much trouble swooning anyone of his interest, with years of etiquette lessons and nourishing his mind with the most exquisite novels and books Asgard had to offer he knew how to charm anyone he desired.

And soon enough he was courting you. He recited for you the collection of the most exquisite verses he had memorized and casted his illusions of roses and butterflies for you to enjoy a romantic set up.

Soon Fury had two people demanding for his liberation. And since Loki had been in his best behavior Fury didn’t have an excuse to keep Loki locked up and while he had a tracker on his ankle and Asgardian magic bracelets capable of suppressing his magic.

You were there when they let Loki out and he made sure to hug you first. The more in love he seemed, the sooner he’d be truly free. You melted against his embrace and wrapped your arms around him in a warm hug.

Loki felt a light tug on his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time someone out of his parents and Thor been so eager and happy to hug him.

“I had been dreaming of this…” you spoke softly. “And your hugs are even cozier than I imagined.”

That felt like a dagger to his heart. Why were you so sweet?

“Alright, Bambi, if you try something your little sweetheart will let us know right away, got it?” Tony warned him.

You wrapped your arms around Loki’s bicep pressing yourself against him.

“He’s gonna be perfect” you defended him. “And if I’m wrong you can lock me up as well for helping a criminal out.”

Second dagger. What kind of idiot were you trusting him so blindly? Could you really not see he just wanted his freedom?

Loki finally had a proper room, or something like that. He would be staying in the Avengers Compound when the Helicarrier landed… until then there was a room where he, Thor, and basically everyone stayed.

Your bed the one right above Loki’s. Loki sighed. Just a few more days. Loki laid down and saw you looking down at him, peeking from your bed with big sparkling eyes.

“Yes?” Loki said in his best sweet loving tone.

“S-Sorry…” you mumbled as your cheeks got red. “I’m just really happy you’re here.”

“Aww, young love…” Kate cooed.

“SHUT UP! I’M OLDER THAN YOU!” you screeched and threw a pillow right at her face, making Loki smiled softly.

“You’re both babies…” Yelena grinned.

“Shut up, you hag!” you and Kate argued.

“You’re all babies…” Bucky corrected.

“DON’T STICK YOUR NOSE, YOU FOSSIL!” the three of you argued.

“I’m… not gonna join this argument being 1,500 years old” Thor laughed and soon eased the mood in all laughter again.

Meanwhile Loki wouldn’t stop thinking what you said to him. “I’m happy you’re here.” Third stab… How could you be so happy and attached to him so easily and quickly?

The next few days he had resigned to adapt to train with you. He had been a warrior all his life, but being a soldier was too boring for him. It was a lot of training, gym workouts, more training, and meetings. He saw you nodding off during the latter. Where did you pull the energy to play and joke around with him when you went to bring food to him while he had been locked up?

You yawned and rested against his shoulder as you dozed off during lunch once. You were so warm and trusted him more than he deserved. You seemed awfully comfortable around him.

Every spare moment you had was dedicated to him, you were awfully cuddly and touchy. Loki wasn’t used to this in the slightest. At first playing along seemed impossible. But your kisses were so gentle and tender, more often than not he found his eyes fluttering close and his hands wrapping around your waist in a loving way. Even sharing a room with a lot of people seemed more fun if he got to study your reactions.

“Take that!” you screamed as you and Kate smacked each other with pillows, but when a stray pillow hit Natasha in the back of the head, it was war.

Everyone was throwing and hitting each other with pillows until someone pushed you to Loki’s arms who had stayed out of the war as just a bystander. No one seemed to be paying much attention to him, but now you were.

Your face was beet red, and you were blabbering apologies if you had hurt him, (which, you hadn’t). But Loki simply smiled and grabbed your sides and started squeezing them, causing you to squeal and burst out laughing.

Oh, of course you were ticklish, he should’ve known. Hel, you irradiated this aura that just screamed “tickle me!” And as the God of Mischief, he was drawn to ticklish little things such as yourself, to make sure he could exploit every ticklish little inch of your giggly body. It had always been a pretty harmless way to ease his need to cause mayhem.

Soon the entire room was in fits of laughter since Loki had unintentionally inspired a tickle war.

“H-Hohohohoney! Pleahahahahase!” you begged Loki, “thahahahahat tickles!”

“So? I hope it doesn’t bother you, my dear” Loki purred in your ear as his fingers traveled up and down your ribs, causing you to screech. “I think I’d like to play with my pretty little toy some more…”

“Nohohohoho! Please! Hehehehehe! S-Stop it!” you giggled until you had proofed to reappear at the top bunk bed, right by the time someone else had surrendered and called truce.

Thor. His stomach was sore from laughing and he needed a break. But the big Asgardian was confident enough to not be affected by being the one to surrender in such harmless play fight.

“I’m nostalgic” Thor laughed. “Reminds me of the sleep overs with Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun and Sif.”

“I wouldn’t know, I was never invited.” Loki said.

“WHAT?!” you gasped and threw a pillow at Thor’s head in Loki’s defense. “JERK! TO YOUR OWN BROTHER!”

“What do you mean?” Thor asked. “You rejected us every time.”

“What are you talking about? You never invited me, brother” Loki explained. “By the time I had found out, you were all locked in your chambers.”

“Sif and the guys always said you said no” Thor said. “That’s why I always made smaller sleepovers with just you and me. I thought you hated big groups.”

Loki never thought Thor had been clueless, if anything he thought it had been him who rejected him, it never occurred to him it was the rest that orchestrated Loki’s exclusion. It made sense in retrospect, they were more Thor’s friends, not Loki’s.

“I enjoy time to myself,” Loki agreed. “But I’ve never been against big events. I always thought it was you who didn’t want me near your friends…”

“Of course not, brother…”

“Don’t feel bad, Loki” Yelena said in a tone that eased the mood. “Nat used to have sleepover with friends and ban me from her room the whole night. But we’re sisters, adopted or not.”

“I said I was sorry, and I was 11 you resentful crybaby!” Natasha argued with a laugh.

You noticed that had hit a sensitive spot-on Loki and went to sit behind Loki to give him a hug from behind. And it was unexpectedly comforting, he sighed as you kissed his cheek. Growing more and more used to your doting affection, you were also rather good to read his mood by now.

It just made him feel more guilty, so he tried changing the subject.

“You poof around when tickled, hm?” Loki chuckled. “Noted.”

“Not just when I’m tickled, when I get worked up by almost anything…” you explained. “I can’t always control it.”

“I see… so, I get you all worked up…” Loki flirted, making you jolt and squeak with a red face. “Heh… I’m flattered.”

“What about you?” you asked when you calmed down, resting your chin on his shoulder. “Does something like that happen to you?”

“Mmm… my magic is also very tied to my feelings is mostly surges of magic when I’m pissed off.” Loki shrugged. “In a way, the source of my magic abilities come from my control of how I feel. Which is why Thor could never learn sorcery… he couldn’t ever keep calm and focus enough.”

It felt a bit of a cheap answer, his guilt told him you were always vulnerable with him. There was another thing…

Alright, now that no one was paying attention to you two.

“When I was little, I used to have a lot of nightmares, and my mother stayed with me and taught me this spell… it allows you to invite someone else to your dreams, to put it simply. She taught me that spell to help me with the bad dreams… And sometimes I still cast it involuntarily while I sleep. It’s… what’s the word? Automatic, at this point.”

“You haven’t used it since we met” you pointed out.

“There’s these preventing that” Loki wiggled the magic cuffs on his wrists, and you shrank sheepishly. “Maybe one day I’ll have you sleep visiting… who knows…”

You smiled too eagerly at the idea… it was painful to see the adoration in your eyes.

The next night you were chatting happily, you laid on the floor with your feet hanging on Loki’s bed. Surprisingly he didn’t mind too much, he found himself much more engaged on the conversation. He simply rested his hand on your shin, caressing it with his thumb.

But at some point during the chat his hand brushed by your ankle, something that should’ve caught his attention way sooner. A location tracker like his. He brushed his fingers along the band, and you jolted, quickly making a bad excuse before rushing out. A terrible liar dating the god of lies. How ironic.

“I didn’t know… I thought I was the only one with one of these…” Loki pointed to his tracker.

“All mutants and non-SHIELD affiliated have one” Tony explained with a yawn. “Basically, if you have superpowers, you have two options, be an agent or an avenger.”

“Or locked up” Loki concluded, and the way no one answered, confirming his suspicion.

“You’re gonna be joining us, right, brother?” Thor smiled.

“Do I have a choice?”

Loki chuckled, he had been thinking about this prior to this information, the fear of actually losing his brother when Thor was ready to leave him forever in Sakaar had been too great.

But what about you? You didn’t strike him the superhero style, a were a fragile and sensitive little thing, and he couldn’t picture you in the battlefield, but being a soldier was clearly taking a huge toll on you. You seemed perpetually exhausted living like this.

“Has my darling decided yet?” Loki asked, he didn’t plan on the pet names, but it felt weirdly natural as it rolled off his tongue. It felt right.

“Not before meeting you, we had tried, but I’d say with you two together… things have changed for the better.” Steve assured him. “It’s a relief though, you two would be great assets in the future, and the life at the compound is bit freer and more independent.”

For some reason, Loki smiled at the sound of that.

“It’s gonna be for the best” Bruce smiled. “Fury can be quite severe, and the soldier life isn’t for everyone…”

Loki couldn’t see you long term here, you’d be overworking yourself for a lifestyle too demanding and that you didn’t even like. It would be for the best to be an Avenger… at least that’d give you some more freedom.

By then, the mood had died down and everyone went to bed, turning off the lights way before you arrived. A few more minutes passed… and nothing. Loki considered going to find you when you opened the door, guiding your way with your phone’s flashlight. You had a messy damp ponytail, and baggy pajamas. You arrived and sat by Loki’s bed and immediately collapsed right beside him, invading his bed. He was ready to climb and use yours when you he felt a tug on his shirt.

“Let me stay with you…” you mumbled with your eyes closed, it seemed you still had some consciousness.

Loki nodded and laid down beside you, wrapping his arm over you, and tucking you under the bedsheets. He had to keep appearances. Yeah… Of course.

He studied you for a while. Your hair was soft, and it smelled like wild berries, shampoo he had started using as well because it smelled so nice. Your skin was soft and smooth, it was addictive to trace his fingers along your body. He traced circles along your side.

“Nooo… thahahat tickles…” you giggled and shifted in your half-asleep state, making something stir within Loki. “You can tickle me all you want in the morning, okay baby…?”

“Ohoho! Is that so?” Loki chuckled. “That’s dangerous thing to offer to the God of Mischief don’t you think?”

“’s okay… I trust you…” you yawned snuggling against his chest.

“Y-You do…?”

“You’d never do anything to hurt me…” you assured him, even with your brain fighting with all it’s might to not succumb to exhaustion.

Once his eyes adapted to the darkness, he stared at your face. Your features were gentle, with a pureness that only a heart that hadn’t been corrupted with cruelness and malice would have. It made him feel weak.

“I love you” you mumbled, kissing his lips before finally falling asleep with the most peaceful smile he had ever seen on anyone that was this close to him.

“I… I love you too…” he whispered and kissed the top of your head.

Now Loki genuinely wanted to stab himself through the chest, he deserved nothing less.

The next morning was the last time he’d be in the Helicarrier for a long time if he could help it. Both of you got the trackers removed and he was officially free. The magic cuffs were taken off of Loki and he immediately summoned a huge illusion that had a radius of a few kilometers as he stretched and showed off.

A huge double rainbow, oh how he had missed using his magic like this. He noticed your eyes sparkling in admiration.

Thor helped him unpack and you two were assigned neighbor bedrooms so the lovey dovey couple could stay close. You seemed ecstatic, you set your room and invited him to see it.

It was very much what he expected from you. Cozy and cute, just being inside made him want to lay down on your bed and sleep. And of course you had a pile of stuffed animals. He laid back on your bed, sinking in the mattress and fluffy covers.

Adorable.

“Honey bunny, I’m gonna go to the city alone today… don’t follow me” you warned him and proofed away before reappearing for a second. “And don’t snoop around my stuff! Love ya!”

And you disappeared in a gust of silvery white mist. Loki napped on your bed for a while, but… he couldn’t resist, he was curious by nature. He walked by your desk and saw the mirror of had a bunch of photos of him stuck to the board, he wasn’t smiling in any of them, and most had been taken him by surprise. Loki would’ve thought it weird, but the two of you were dating. And you only did what was normal for someone in a relationship. He smiled softly at how purely infatuated you were.

“Loki!” you called for him, so you had returned. He went to find you.

You had smiled so brightly as you jumped to his arms and showered his face in loving smooches.

“I missed you!” you smiled between kisses.

“You just left an hour or so…” he chuckled.

“It’s still too much time away from you!” you snuggled with him. “I missed this pretty face.”

“Heh…” he chuckled.

“I bought us something.” You smiled and handed him a golden bracelet with a round item on the middle. You kept the silver one. “It’s a distance touch bracelet.”

You touched your bracelet, and he felt his buzzing. Oh. He knew this couldn’t have been cheap. And you still didn’t hesitate to get it for him.

“Now you can feel me close, even if I vanish, or if we can’t be with each other.” You giggled.

His heart fluttered. How could there be someone so overly sweet? To him, of all people.

“Thank you…” he smiled.

Days passed and Loki’s sanity was evaporating in thin air. Guilt was eating him alive.

You were in truly, madly, and hopelessly in love with him. You wanted nothing but the best for him and you always showered him with love, affection and the sweetest kisses he had ever tasted. And worst of it all, he was falling in love with you. He deserved no love from you, but he had it… And it filled his heart with a warmth he didn’t deserve. Oh, you poor lovely thing, if you only knew how cruel his intentions had been to start your relationship.

He did what you wanted now, trying to make up for it. He didn’t want you to feel like you did all the job in a relationship anymore. Soon the photos were more couple y, of kisses and hugs, Loki took photos of you more as well. He invited you to read and nap with him.

He tickled you lots, and making you giggle in his arms as he held you close. He hugged you tight, trying to squeeze in all the love he had develop for the kind soul that had been nothing but sweet to him. In a wordless pray for your forgiveness.

He did everything that occurred to him would make you happy.

“No way! You’re ticklish?!” you gasped with an ear-to-ear grin.

“Terribly so, I can’t stand being ticked in between my ribs” he smiled as he rested his chin on your head, with you sitting on his lap. “My magic acts up on its own if I get overwhelmed, like you.”

“Really?” you giggled and caressed his sides. “Can I try?”

“For a kiss…” he smiled and puckered his lips for a smooch, which you complied with a huge grin. “I adore you… Fine, you got one minute to tickle my ribs.”

“Just one minute?” you whined with that lovely smile of yours.

“Thirty seconds?” he smiled.

“Eh?!” you whined. “One minute!”

“See how convincing I am?” he grinned.

“Oh, you—” you said and turned around to start poking and prodding his ribs, Loki couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

“Ack! Hehehehe!” he whined, you were too good at this, he was laughing his heart out. “S-Stohohohop! Hehehehe! I-It’s been a minute! Hahaha! S-Stop!”

“I’m not done with you, you pretty tease!” you giggled and kept prodding between his ribs.

“Oh yeheheah?!” he laughed and skittered his fingers along your belly.

You were squealing and giggling in the blink of an eye. But you didn’t stop tickling him.

“Hehehehe! Hic! G-Give up!” you giggled and squirmed as you prodded his sides.

“You give up! Hahahahaha!” he giggled squeezed your tummy and skittered his fingers along your armpits.

“Ack! Noohohohoho!” you whine and squeezed above his kneecaps, making him jump and ergo you fell off his lap and onto the couch.

“You’re in trouble…” he grinned and his fingers, poked, drilled, kneaded and scratch over every sensitive spot on your body, and it didn’t matter if you gave up. He didn’t stop until you were breathless.

Only then he stopped and held you in his arms.

“Remind me to not tickle you again, you’re sadistic” you smiled.

“You know it, darling…” he smiled and kissed the top of your head. “Did you have fun?”

“Mhm…” you smiled and leaned against him. “I love you.”

You were beyond ecstatic. You melted under all of his affection and more time he spent with you, the more he couldn’t deny his feelings for you.

He did it everything he could to make you happy. But nothing he did alleviated his guilt. He could only imagine the amount of heartache you would feel if you found out he had only used you to try looking better adjusted and be free, and that he had pretended to fall in love.

He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep. He was going insane. He walked around the compound like a ghost during the night. He did a stop to throw up in the toilet.

“You’re awake,” you surprised him despite your gentle tone. “Is something bothering you?”

“N-No, love. I just wasn’t feeling very tired.” He assured you. “Don’t worry. Go back to sleep.”

You placed your hands on his hips and leaned closer to him the way you did whenever you were going to kiss him. But you took a little sniff—probably smelling his bad breath—you stopped and smiled at him with kindness.

“Mmm… Insomnia, hm?” you smiled and pulled him to the kitchen. “I know just the cure.”

You heated up water and prepared him a tea with honey. The warmth of the drink ran through him as the sweet drink got rid of the bad taste, and he sighed a tear streaming down his face.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, cupping his face.

“I’ve done so many awful things… And…” he spoke softly. “I don’t know how to fix them… I don’t deserve any forgiveness…”

“Oh Loki…” you hugged him. “No one blames you… you didn’t mean it… I’ve seen your pretty heart, and you deserve all the love in the world… Gosh, if I could take all the pain, you’re feeling for myself, I would.”

“Please don’t say that…” he begged. He couldn’t handle anymore guilt, but he didn’t know how to tell you the truth.

You gently guided him to your bedroom and tucked him in your bed, wrapping your arms around him in a protective way.

“Forgive me love... Please forgive me…” he begged between mutters. “I take it all back… please… Please don’t hate me… please…”

“Shh…” you whispered, running your fingers through his hair. “It’s all gonna be okay… I’m always gonna be here for you.”

               Between the warm tea, his exhaustion, the previous sleepless nights, your comfortable bed, and your loving touch… his body gave up on him and he fell asleep.

Everything was dark, and cold, covered in ice and a cruel wind. Loki had a good tolerance to cold, but he was freezing.

“Monster…” a voice echoed so loudly it made Loki’s ears ring. It was his own voice and it came from everywhere around him.

“Traitorous rat…”

“Murderer…”

“Beast…”

“Liar…”

“Frost giant…”

“Monster…”

“Manipulator…”

“Liar…”

“We finally had someone’s trust…”

“Of course, you just play around with others!”

Loki was completely surrounded by copies of himself, all at least twice his size, blue skin, Jotun attire, and eyes red like blood. True frost giants.

Loki simply took every blow and insult. He deserved them.

“Loki…?” a different voice called. “Is this what you meant by inviting someone to your dreams?”

No please… you couldn’t be here.

“Darling… wake up… please don’t be here…” Loki begged you. “Please…”

“I’m not leaving you here on your own…” you spoke and kneeled beside him.

Loki felt his body change, every muscle vanished leaving him as practically skin and bones. Small. Weak.

“Loki… what’s going on?! What’s happening to you?!”

Loki tried to shapeshift back to his natural look, but he had no control of his own body. At this point in life, he should be desensitized to nightmares where his magic didn’t obey him… but…

“Please… leave me here…” he spoke as he could, but he could barely hear himself.

“Don’t say that... What’s… what can I do for you?”

There was something about dreams, and especially Loki’s dreams, that always seemed to be extra dramatic. It must have been so confusing to be in one as an outsider.

Loki’s body changed again, he grew twice his usual size, and his body was blue and muscled. Exactly the body of a Jotun.

“STOP BEING SO GOOD TO ME! CAN’T YOU SEE I DON’T LOVE YOU?!”

“What?!”

What?! No! That wasn’t true…

Loki tried to take it back, but he was in autopilot. He was in the passenger seat of his own mind.

“I DON’T LOVE YOU! ARE YOU THAT GULLIBE TO THINK I’D FALL IN LOVE WITH A MORTAL?! I HAVE BEEN USING YOU!”

“No… no, you're not… You wouldn’t…”

“I JUST NEEDED A COVER, TO SEEM WELL ADJUSTED ENOUGH TO NOT BE A PRISONER! AND YOU WERE ANNOYING ENOUGH TO BARGE IN DEFENSE OF ME! I’V BEEN PLAYING WITH YOU FROM DAY ONE! DON’T YOU SEE YOU ARE JUST A TOY?! YOU’RE PATHETIC!”

The look on your face was heartbreaking. You looked crushed.

“I HAVE BEEN THINKING OF A WAY TO GET RID OF YOU! I CAN’T SLEEP AND I WANT TO THROW UP THINKING I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH YOU YET ANOTHER DAY!”

You curled up on the floor and Loki lifted you but your collar’s shirt.

“GET IT INSIDE YOUR HEAD! I COULD NEVER LOVE A MORTAL AS UNNERVING AS YOU!” Loki screamed at you before slamming you against the floor.

“NO!” Loki sat up with a gasp and his body drenched in sweat. He looked around and saw you curled up on the bed, your back facing him. “Love?! Thank goodness… I’m so— Love, w-what’s wrong…?”

You were stiff and you had a hand on the back of your head. Loki shifted and stretched a bit and saw your face. Your eyes were full of tears, yet he had never seen you with such a cold expression in your face.

“My love… and what’s wrong?” Loki placed a hand over your arm, and you slapped it.

“Why did you say that?” you asked him.

“I d-don’t know… I wasn’t… I didn’t…” Loki stuttered. “My dreams are like that…”

“No. I mean, what you said was really specific. Why…?”

“I don’t—I don’t know why I—”

“Tell me the truth, Loki.” You ordered him. “Did you, or did you not pretend to love me for your freedom?”

Loki stayed quiet. He didn’t have the courage to tell you the truth, but he didn’t have the heart to keep lying to you. With that confirmation tears started falling down your cheeks again.

“Y-Yes but I—that was before…”

“Get out…” you spoke.

“What? No, darling, listen… I…”

“I don’t want to hear you.”

“Please love… let me explain…” he tried holding you.

That made you snap. You started hitting him, being a human it was impossible for you to harm him, but not once in his life had he felt more pain.

“DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TALK TO ME!”

“Darling please…”

“I DON’T WANNA SEE YOU EVER AGAIN! GET OUT OF MY ROOM AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE!”

He had no strength to fight you, he was defenseless as you kicked him out of your room, slamming the door on his face.

There were a few faces popping out of their door to try seeing what had happened and that quickly retreated back to their rooms. Loki had no choice but to go inside of his own bedroom.

The next morning, he nearly tripped on his way out with a box by is door. It was full of books, quills, a coat, photos of you together. And… the silver bracelet that matched his own. It tore his heart to shreds. He didn’t feel as guilty anymore. But remorse and the memory of how brokenhearted you looked was even more sadistic. He heard you crying often from across the wall.

A few days later the others started giving him dirty looks. Knowing you and considering that this didn’t happen right away he assumed they had found out after heavy interrogation and now everyone knew he had used you. Even Thor seemed upset, not angry, but he had this… disappointment in his eyes.

“I hate dealing with moving companies” Tony sighed as they all sat for dinner. “But Fury wants to have our little Houdini enlisted by the end of the week. It’s a shame… The kiddos enjoyed being around each other.”

“Tell me about it” Clint sighed. “Kate is devastated.”

“Speaking of devastated…” Natasha said as she stood up, and Loki would’ve sworn she was shooting daggers at him with that glare. “See if I can be more convincing about eating something, otherwise Fury will have a corpse enlisting.”

You were moving out? To become a SHIELD agent? But you hated being a soldier. Had he hurt you so bad that you preferred that lifestyle and ruin your life forever… than being around him?

This all felt awfully familiar. Loki excused himself and went to his room and lock himself inside. He closed his eyes, and part of him wished that they’d never open again.

“Am I cursed?” Loki asked, choked up by the last bit of hope.

“No.” Odin responded the worst thing he could've said him. A curse would've been better.

Loki placed the casket down, weakly, it suddenly felt like a very... very heavy thing to carry. And the weight stayed there, right on his chest even after the casket had been placed back at the pedestal.

“Then what am I?” Loki asked softly, afraid of the answer.

“You're my son.” Odin answered, and Loki doubted his own magic since he couldn't detect dishonesty in his father's words.

Clearly that was a lie. So why didn’t his magic detect that? Loki felt rage spiral out of control like a boiling pot.

“What more than that?” Loki growled, still trying to keep his composure as he walked towards his father that was by the stairs at the other side of the corridor. “The Casket wasn't the only thing you took from Jotunheim that day, was it?”

Odin looked him in the eye. Unable to deny it any longer. It had been to many years with that secret. As Loki walked closer, Odin just started at him in silence as Loki reached the stairs.

“No.” Odin finally said. “In the aftermath of the battle, I went into the Temple, and I found a baby. Small for a giant's offspring— abandoned, suffering, left to die. Laufey's son.”

That felt like a dagger piercing the young prince’s heart. Out of all the things he was insecure about, it turned out he WAS an outsider. Out of all the things he could’ve been, he HAD to be a Jotun, a monster. Out of all the Jotun’s in existence, he was the son of the worst of them all. And out of all the reasons he could’ve been adopted for, was because even his own biological family didn’t want him… and his adopted family never told him any of this.

“Laufey's son...?” Loki finally managed to gasp out, he was choking up on his own tears. “Why? You were knee-deep in Jotun blood. Why would you take me?”

“You were an innocent child.” Odin said, sounding more exhausted by the second.

“No!” Loki begged his father, knowing that Odin was a strategic warrior. There was always a meaning behind his actions. “You took me for a purpose, what was it?”

But Odin didn’t answer. The physical toll of delaying his Odin sleep to prepare Thor to rule, preventing a war, the emotional toll of having to banish Thor and now… having his youngest child doubt his love for him because of his foolish decision of not telling him the truth earlier were overwhelming him.

The All-King saw with pain how the little child that once smiled at him with love when he picked him in his arms after the battle now saw him with fear, pain, and resentment.

“TELL ME!” Loki demanded loudly, no longer capable of remaining calm.

“I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, bring about an alliance, bring about a permanent peace... through you.” Odin confessed.

That was the final blow to Loki’s poor heart.

“What…?”

A tool. All he had been adopted for was as an instrument of peace between Asgard and a race that everyone saw as blood-thirsty monsters.

“But those plans no longer matter.” Odin clarified.

“So, I am no more than another stolen relic, locked up… here, until you might have use of me.” Loki inquired in pain.

“Why do you twist my words?” Odin asked softly.

“You could have told me what I was from the beginning.” Loki urged, desperate to makes sense of what easily was the worst day of his life. “Why didn't you?!”

“You are my son. I wanted only to protect you from the truth.” Odin said softly, in a fruitless attempt to calm his poor child’s heart.

“Wh— B-Because I-I-I am the monster parents tell their children about at night?!” Loki asked, flooded by all the scary stories about the frost giants growing up. All those times he and Thor played heroes as kids fighting those monsters.

“Don't...” Odin begged as his strength slowly abandoned him.

But Loki couldn’t listen anymore. The grief was too great, and the feeling of betrayal didn’t allow him to trust Odin anymore.

“It all makes sense now! Why you favored Thor all these years.” Loki yelled as he started walking up the stairs to yell at Odin as the All-Father slowly lost his strength and started passing out on the stairs. “Because no matter how much you claim to “love” me, you could never have a Frost Giant sitting on the Throne of Asgard!”

Odin kept trying until his last second of consciousness to beg his son for help, forgiveness… anything. But he had been too weakened to dedicate his young boy some kind of love or reassurance as he fell prey to the Odin sleep, he had delaying for so long.

Now Loki encountered a similar dilemma. He had been stupid, dishonest, and selfish to someone who offered him nothing but unconditional love. He betrayed your trust and there was no way now that Loki could prove that despite his original intentions his love wasn’t any less real.

He laid down on his bed, with his arm draped dramatically over his eyes.

“Troubled, my son?” a voice spoke making Loki sit up.

“Father” Loki smiled softly. “I ruined it. I had the most beautiful love in my life… and I was stupid and lost it because of my own selfishness.”

“That sounds familiar” Odin chuckled. “You truly are my son, after all.”

“You had always been will always be my father…” Loki said the words he had denied for several years. “I never understand your reasons. Cruel as they were…”

“Not holding back against your old father, hm?” Odin laughed.

“Sorry…” Loki smiled softly.

“My original reasons were foolish, selfish, and even cruel as you rightfully… but I always hoped to do what would be best for the 9 Realms” he spoke. “But that didn’t mean the love I had for you wasn’t any less real. You are my son, regardless of the kind of blood that coursed through your veins.”

Loki smiled softly; it was weird. He knew Odin would have never say all that. But now, after growing up so much, he understood it wasn’t because he didn’t feel it, he had always been too proud and formal, too much of a king. And while imperfect, it was still his father.

“That’s why you never caught me lying when I called you my son or said that I loved you.” Odin spoke. “In my heart, you’ve always been my son.”

“I know, father” Loki smiled. “I’m sorry it took me so long to understand it.”

“I’m sorry I never told you before… I feared you wouldn’t take it well…”

“Me? I would never” Loki joked softly.

“We always loved you as our own” a female voice added making Loki turned around.

“Mother.” Loki spoke breathless. “I know… I know… I knew, I was just too scared I could’ve been wrong, and you didn’t…”

“You were too much of a charming kid not to love you” Frigga said compassionately. “Your little human surely thinks so too.”

Ah… that… Loki wasn’t so sure.

“I ruined it, I deserve nothing but the hatred and disgust I’ve earned from my darling.” Loki huffed out. “I manipulated, lied, and destroyed the trust of my love.”

“Dear, there’s nothing final in these matters…” Frigga smiled softly. “If that loved blossomed once, you may rescue it and nourish it again. But first… you need to apologize.”

“I don’t think I’m wanted anywhere near hearing range.” Loki explained.

“Do you think the love between your mother, and I always had a perfect relationship?” Odin smiled.

“Your father was too temperamental for that” Frigga intervened with a smile and both parents looked at each other with love. “But when you truly love someone and you make a mistake, you swallow your pride and make up for your wrongdoings.”

Loki smiled softly, he remembered it well. When Odin’s temper got the best of him because of the stress of being a king, Odin made sure to make up for Frigga know how truly sorry he was, and Frigga who already knew her husband’s temper was an expert on not letting her affect her, knowing it was never personal. She had truly been blessed with infinite patience given she dealt with three men with bad tempers and yet her kindness and loving nature knew no end. It was not rare to see Odin gifting Frigga fancy gifts and spend long hours apologizing and dedicating the day to her. It wasn’t the perfect arrangement, but no relationship was.

Loki chuckled softly.

“Thanks…” he smiled and both parents tended a hand to him with a smile. “I know what I have to do.”

Ready to say goodbye, Loki placed his hands on top of Odin and Frigga’s, and with that, the figure of his parents faded under a green light as Loki’s palms stopped glowing. Loki let out a little laugh as he wiped his tears.

His illusions had never been so benevolent towards himself, they were either torturous or for a fake sense of gloating and dissociation. But your compassion had changed him forever. He could use them for closure and to guide him with the stuff he knew but needed to hear. And… you deserved that at least.

He got up and went outside and went to a trip. It took him around an hour to get to the city and a couple more hours to get his several stops get several gifts. A lovely white bouquet of flowers, a box of your favorite chocolates, a necklace with a cute silver heart shaped locket and got it printed with a small photo, a copy of a photo he had carried from one of your first “dates” you got where you were giving him a small kiss in the cheek and cupped the other one, a symbol of your shared love.

On his way back, Loki held the original photo close to his chest and sighed. He prayed this would work as he was on his way to see you. He knocked on your door and hid his gifts behind himself, not even remembering he could’ve concealed them with his magic from how nervous he was.

His chest tightened as you opened the door, your eyes and nose were red, and your cheeks were stained with tears. Oh Norns… He had hurt you really bad.

“Love… Please… let me explain” Loki spoke softly.

“What do you need to explain, Loki?” you asked and sniffled, practically murdering him when you called him Loki instead of one of your lovely cheesy pet names. “That I was just a toy for you to play with and pretend that you loved me, so you’d be a free man? I got that quite clearly.”

You were ready to slam the door on his face, but he reached his leg to stop you. He nearly dropped one of your gifts. You looked at him confused, eying him up and down before sighing in defeat, opening the door he walked inside of your little room. He saw the little night table covered with used tissues and the bed’s decorative cushions were all over the place. It broke his heart.

“What do you want, Loki?” you asked tiredly as you sat on the bed, placing a cushion on your lap and against your chest.

“My darling, I was the biggest, most cruel and inconsiderate imbecile of all 9 Realms” he said, kneeling before you as he handed you the bouquet of flowers. You gently placed the flowers on your lap, still looking at him.

“It is true, that I was looking to just find a relationship to pretend I had adapted to living on earth” he spoke. “It was a selfish, shallow, and dishonest reason to make you mine… But I did it. It was heartless and there’s no excuse or reason for you to forgive that. But I beg of you to stay here… never speak to me again if you need, but don’t settle to a life of misery just to avoid me. I will happily accept being locked up in a dungeon for a hundred years, so you don’t see the likes of me again…”

He handed you the chocolate, and your gaze softened for a second as you saw the chocolate, he remembered which ones you liked the most. You opened your mouth to speak, but a gentle squeeze to your hands let you know Loki still wanted to speak.

He had caused all of this for not telling you the truth, and now he wanted to fully bare his soul to you now.

“You offered me boundless kindness, patience despite my flaws, understanding to my pain and sins of the past, laughter like I hadn’t enjoyed before, you fed with the most delicious and warm foods I had ever eaten, you showed me the concept of dates and you bared me completely vulnerable to your touch and heart and you bared yourself completely to me without fear of me…” Loki continued, as tears streamed down his face, drowning in regret. “And all I did was play with you and betray the trust your selfless heart gave me without asking for anything in return.”

He placed his forehead on your knees and sobbed, completely ashamed of what he had done to you. He didn’t deserve your forgiveness, but he felt like he’d die without you. And he’ deserve it.

“I don’t care” you finally spoke, and he looked up, he saw the tears streaming down your face. “You’re the God of Mischief and Lies, there are countless stories of how you lied and manipulated to get away with anything you wanted… I should’ve expected I’d be just that.”

“No— No, darling!” Loki held your hands and pressed his lips against your knuckles. “No, my sweet, you— I was selfish. I wanted a cover up, yes, but what I found was love, I found the butterflies in my stomach you always speak of. I found the warm of your hands lingering on my skin after our dates. I found myself awake during the night sighing over those lovely eyes I’ve now so cruelly filled with tears…” Loki spoke softly.

You were shaking in your place as you did your best not to cry and interrupt him. He brushed his finger along your cheek as in appreciation of your effort.

“None of what you heard that night was true in my heart…” he assured you “I never felt so disgusted I wanted to vomit; it was guilt that was killing me from the inside… knowing I was hurting such a beautiful flower.”

He handed you the heart locket and you opened it, seeing the photo made you sob as silently as you could.

“I was selfish and a liar. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me and want nothing to do with me again. But please know that my heart beats for and because of you only.” He spoke. “I fell hopelessly and irredeemably in love with you. I swear that on my life.”

You looked at him and smiled, as you wrapped your arms around his neck and sobbed now freely and unrestrained. Time seemed to stop for Loki as he hugged you back, taking in your scent and caressing you. Tears fell down his face and he held you, afraid you’d disappear if he let go of you.

You forgave him. He didn’t think he’d ever be so lucky to find a kind soul that would forgive even his worst mistake. But he found it, you were kind enough to do so. Your wrapped your arms around him in a warm hug and Loki was able to let all the pain and guilt go… He couldn’t undo his mistakes, but he could be better, and he wanted to be his best self for you.

“Thank you… Norns, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” he repeated over and over between whispers and tears as he held you tight.

You sat up straight and cupped his face and laughed softly as you still cried happy tears.

“You’re gonna have to buy me a new box of tissues, you booger” you joked softly with a sniffle, and pressed your forehead to his and grabbed a tissue to blow your nose.

“I’ll give you the entire world if you so desire, my love” he spoke with a gentle smile. “Just say the word.”

“I don’t need the world” you smiled and kissed his cheek. “I have everything I need right here.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” he chuckled softly as he grabbed a tissue to wipe his tears and blow his nose. “I’m a disaster and somehow I still found the most precious little dove all for myself.”

You held him tightly in a hug… in silence for a few minutes before you spoke again.

“Did you think I was annoying when we first met?” you asked with a stern look on your face. “I want the truth.”

“Truthfully… you were a nightmare…” Loki admitted in a soft playful tone.

“HEY!” you whined and dug your fingers into the crevices of his ribs making him burst out laughing. “I said honest, not mean!”

“Ehehehe! Lohohohohove, let me finish!” he giggled, letting you have this, it was the least he could do. “P-Please, s-stohohohop that! Not there!”

You smiled and went to tickle his belly. Oh, you had really not liked that.

“Plehehehehehease, dahahaharling! I surrender!” he laughed and did his best to not squirm.

“Fine… what is it?” you asked, as you sat sideways on his lap, already happily cuddling with him.

Thank whatever superior force that was out there… Oh, you’re a wonderful blessing.

“You’re a nightmare turned into a dream” he clarified and he didn’t even bother fighting the urge to squeeze you tightly.

“You have 3 seconds to explain how that’s a compliment o I’ll tickle you until you puncture a lung.”

“Ihihi— I mean like, when you start having a bad dream… but it turns around as the most wonderful of dreams, those that you still think about after waking up.” Loki said, and as those words he was sure he had fried his brain because he didn’t make any sense.

But that was enough for you.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” You grumbled.

“C’mon… don’t be mad at me for being foolish and wrong” he smiled as he squeezed you tight. “Surely you thought I was insufferable at first as well, we’re so different after all.”

You smiled and shook your head.

“I love my pretty prince” you smiled and picked a tissue yourself to clean your face. “Flaws, differences, and all.”

“Do you, now?” he grinned cheekily. “I sure am a lucky one to be called yours.”

“A Loki one” you giggled, and Loki made a scowl of disgust. “Sorry! I thought it too late when I said it and— hehehe!”

“Oh, that was awful— C’mere… you!”

“W-What?! NO! NOHOHOHOHO! LOHOHOHOKI, STOP IHIHIHIT!”

As he made you laugh and held you against him, he couldn’t doubt how fortunate he was to be so undoubtedly yours.

| MASTERPOST |

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Mailbox open! Parcel delivery!

The "Army Dreamers" trend came up a lot on Tik Tok where the creators are face to face with their Oc on a carousel, and I had an idea.

Then the gods (The Greek pantheon; the 3 Olympian brothers and the Norse one with Odin, Thor and Loki separately) exterminated a race because...because they are gods and they can, they don't think about it because for them that was nothing.

Years later they meet a curious little creature on one of their trips, who sticks to them because she is a girl and alone; Over time he grows fond of her and takes her under his protection.

He takes her with him to his pantheon so he can live in peace, one day she tells him while they are playing on the carousel about her life before being alone in the world; and reveals to him that a cruel God killed his people, a minor and peaceful race who were just unlucky to encounter him.

Finishing the context, reactions of these gods? The little girl they love so much, who is like a daughter to them and who they care for so much, is the only survivor of a civilization that they disappeared, they are that cruel god, will they keep the secret?

PS: Nice day!

-Nobody really knew where you came from, you just showed up one day in Valhalla. You looked so unique compared to those around you- so unlike anything they had ever seen.

-However, there was a sense of something familiar about you- something from the distant past, one they couldn’t seem to place exactly.

-You were a total sweetheart, clinging to (Favorite) and following him like a duckling, something that he did grow to love, finding it amusing.

-You were so curious about the world around you, asking him so many questions, trying to learn everything you could. He had to wonder, early on, if you were a newborn goddess, as it had been so long since the last one, but this wasn’t the case.

-He came to adore you, and he even put up with the teasing from others, who would poke fun of him, seeing him holding you in his arms, that he wasn’t as scary as he looked.

-You were confused, looking up at him, your little hands coming up to cup his cheeks softly, “You’re not scary at all (Favorite)!” he couldn’t help but melt at your words, you were so sweet.

-After a few weeks, he couldn’t seem to shake that feeling that there was something familiar with you, and taking you out for the day, going to a quiet corner of Valhalla, he asked you about your past.

-You were quiet for a long moment before you spoke, looking up at the fluffy clouds floating by, “It was a long time ago- I lived in a big city with my mama and papa- and there were so many people around.”

-You told him of your people, your past, and as you spoke, the puzzle pieces seemed to be clicking together, and his eyes widened, realizing that you were from a long-forgotten race of people, one of the first races the gods created, and destroyed.

-The gods made your people too smart and strong, and it wasn’t long until your race was deemed a threat to the power of the gods- and because of it, your race was eradicated.

-Or at least that’s what he thought, seeing you there. You were just a child- curious about the world around you, with nobody else like you to be with- which is why you stayed with him, as he felt safe to you.

-He was not safe- he was one of the ones who did this to you- he helped kill your family- your people- destroyed your home- he helped take everything from you.

-He could tell that you didn’t know this, you didn’t know that he helped do all this- and he didn’t want you to know.

-You were so sweet and gentle, you were so innocent- he couldn’t believe that you were a survivor, somehow, of the massacre of your people. How did you survive? Why are you only just now showing up when it happened millions of years ago? Each questions seemed to birth another- and with no answers to be had, he felt anguish and guilt eating him from the inside out.

-Became your guardian, your protector- nobody was going to hurt you ever again- he wouldn’t let them. If someone wanted you, they had to go through him first. He seemed more solemn after you told him of your past and you didn’t understand why he was so sad now. Feeling you there in his arms, hugging him, smiling up at him, your little hands on his cheeks were the small things that told him that you were there, you were alive- and that comforted him, knowing that you were safe.

            -Hades, Loki, and Apollo

-He was powerful, he knew this, he had strength and power, but that power was the thing that hurt you all those years ago. He felt guilty for having this power and using it to destroy what had been your whole life. Power is something that is used to protect others, protecting those who needed it most- he realized that now, even if it was too late. You were going to be protected and happy now. Nobody was going to be able to hurt you ever again- he was going to use his power correctly this time, to keep you safe, no matter what.

-Poseidon, Odin, Thor, Ares, Zeus

[colifower]

Still thinking of that thor is the jotun one au.

Odin is having A Manly Mental Breakdown™ about lokis death. Hes being suuuuuper paranoid about his special weapons (and weapons in general) and how theyve gotta hide them bc what if thor or frigga touch them and instadie too??

The w3 will stage treason bc their king is trying to get rid of their military **while on the brink of war**

Frigga somehow convinces Odin to give back the casket. Odin just. He feels soo guilty about lokis death that actually invites laufey to sign the peace treaty & get the casket back. War prevented 👍 except... Laufeys oldest has stayed bc he wants to be a protocol instructor and what better chance to be well off than work on the aesir-jotun relationships? Welp he kind of notices the MASSIVE commotion that is lokis funeral. And tells on his dad. Jotunheim declares war.

Meanwhile thor is having A Mental Breakdown too :D since he has no powers he looks like a jotun. He does get found by jane and co and they keep him at their place bc wtf thats an alien they are smart enough not to put them through the medical system and get him got by the government.

Somehow he is convinced he needs to seduce jane w his "new body" (not really, hes just too self concious about it -always has been- and has watched beauty and the beast back on asgard and thinks it is a valid reason "to break the spell" -there is no spell-). He learns of his hammer over the local radio/podcast/tv and thinks his hammer will "break the curse" (it does not)

The us gov is already onto him bc they live in a fucking desert, how come jane&co start bulk buying parkas off amazon all of a sudden??

Events of thor happen, but this time is Frigga the one that goes to meet him. She tells him that Odin has died and Loki is king. The jotuns have had him perma-banned from asgard. Thor cries. Frigga disappears. Thor starts getting experimented on the moment she leaves.

W3 are planning to go rescue thor when whoops a full jotun invasion is going on. Odin tries to send them to the dungeons, but since the guards do not have any weapons the w3 kiiiind of get them off quickly.

Frigga tries to stop them through a MASSIVE guilt trip. Bc wow they are kind of actually deserting the army during an actual invasion. Heimdal is here to help tho, so he freezes her over. Turns out heimdal is half jotun. In fact, he is odins half brother on the jotun side. Frigga... Kind of dies? So they gotta keep moving.

They get sent to earth through a cool battle sequence and heimdal fills them in the jotun!Thor situation... Which now they know they HAVE to get in order to calm laufey down (who doesnt know how """his son loki""" has died so he is also kind of grieving his "dead son" yet again)

Now they get into some spy shit. Heimdal is a great help btw he can see where thor is, and he is smart enough to have stolen gungir before leaving asgard. He saw odin having a mental breakdown about the spear and took it after he left.

Idk i am inspired i may write some more in the afternoon 👍

[glcriouspvrpose]

"I can't remember," he replied. Because he couldn't. As much as he tried sometimes, there were large expanses of time shrouded in black. Loki wasn't sure if that was Frigga's doing or his own mind trying to protect him from the six months he was with Thanos. "It's probably for the best that I can't," was what he followed-up with, gaze coming back to meet Clint's since he'd zoned out a little.

He walked with Clint after he joined him, snorting, despite the topic of conversation, at the comment about the mead. "Just for emergencies, my ass." Loki smirked, but that's how he found himself at Clint's. He ran his hand over the top of Lucky's head, reaching for the glass Clint was handing him with his free hand. "Mostly," he repeated, brow raised, though there was still a hint of a smirk there. They didn't say anything for a moment after taking the first drink from their glasses. Loki distracted himself with Lucky, who seemed content and in no way about to move from the spot on his lap. But then Clint spoke again, bringing his attention back to what they needed to finally get out. "Yeah," he replied, taking another sip. Loki nodded as he lowered the glass from his lips, "Raised markings. Like birthmarks, I suppose." He thought over Clint's question for a moment, before answering. "Magic. Different spells. Some that required heat. I thought it'd counteract it." Because Clint vaguely knew what Loki was, despite not having gone into too much detail. He knew between being around him and his brother, the other man had picked up on it. "I wasn't in a good headspace after Odin told me. Obviously. He'd brought Thor and I up to hate them. Told us they were monsters. That's what set met off." Loki tore his gaze away from the dog and looked up to meet Clint's again. "So when we fought on the bridge, Odin dismissed it." And he let go, which was there without being said. "But when I woke up, I'd ended up on Thanos's ship. He already had the scepter. I thought I was in control after that, but I wasn't. Not completely, at least." He paused, knowing what Clint's unspoken question had been. He had an idea, at least. "Thor doesn't know I tried to get them off, if that's what you were wondering. I never told him at least, so if he knows, it's not from me. You know the guilt trip he'd send himself into."

Sometimes, observation was about noticing what wasn't there. Like a witty reply that didn't come. Like the ice that was there and then not there on Loki's water bottle. Like the emotion in his best friend's voice, pushed away so it wouldn't... make things complicated.

But their whole lives were complicated. A tangled mess of mistakes and memories. And they had at least one knot in common, tied together so tightly that it would either snap or bind them together for a long damn time. So far it was the latter, and Clint was glad it had worked out that way. Because otherwise he would've had to try to explain this feeling to someone else, and some things... Some things couldn't be explained. They were just experienced.

"I didn't know if he was letting you or not," Clint replied, shrugging. He had never asked for clarification, didn't need to know exactly what Thanos had or hadn't ordered. As far as he was concerned, they had come out of the trenches together, and neither of them had chosen to be there. And Loki had been there a hell of a lot longer.

He didn't deny the assumption -- and didn't question Loki's own denials that the scars weren't from that. They had no reason to lie to each other, not about this. He nodded in understanding. Wondered if Thor knew, and decided not to ask. They were already opening up old wounds, they didn't need to throw salt inside. Not that anyone would've guessed that, from the way Loki said things so matter-of-factly. Clint opened his mouth to reply, but before he could, Loki started off, gesturing for him to follow.

"I was going to say the same thing," he said, falling into step beside him. "I've got a bottle of that Asgardian stuff stashed at my place. For emergencies." This counts went unsaid. A lot went unsaid, until they were settled on Clint's couch. Lucky had his head in Loki's lap when Clint walked in with two bottles. "Regular whiskey for me," he explained, passing over the mead. He clinked the bottles together and sat down. "Since my own death wish is mostly under control," he quipped, smirking wryly before taking a sip.

He was quiet for a moment. A thick, uncomfortable quiet, the kind that came before. "So... markings, huh?" he murmured. "What'd you do to try to get rid of them?"

[lestwritewhilewaitingforajobcall]

The Odd Rumble of Thunder - Thor x Reader

(A/N)

Hey guys! I wanted to personally thank you all for the kind comments and messages, they really inspire me to continue writing more and the support truly means a lot! Also, I just found out how to access post replies, I apologize I haven’t gotten to reading them since my first story, I’m still trying to figure out the gist of things here on Tumblr! Anyways, recently I’d only been posting more on Poseidon, so here’s a special one for our Norse god of thunder (aka the god I simp for the most). This idea came to me while out on a camping trip, I hope you guys enjoy it! Feedback would really be welcomed and appreciated!

This is for entertainment only. Record of Ragnarok belongs to Shinya Umemura, Takumi Fukui and Ajichika. I also do not own you, the reader.

The Odd Rumble of Thunder

Thor x Reader

Even before the news spread like wildfire, Thor had become under the tyranny of a good habit to bringing his wife with him wherever he may go. It stood to reason that he would never be so careless to invite you over to danger, hence why, at a god’s ephemeral notice, he had stopped seeking direction for his combative side, but when, at last, he had to venture, he made much quicker work of it than when he would have otherwise.

Inarguably, if you’d wanted to lay down and rest instead, it was a surety you’d receive your meals in bed, unbothered. But for Thor there was no guarantee he’d ever have to worry about you, so the whole of Asgard knew by now he’d drop whatever he was doing to accompany you, uncaring about diplomacy in the first place.

Not that Odin nor Loki minded either; especially since the Allfather knew more about the concerns of a father expecting their first child. Moreover, Loki enjoyed shapeshifting into his cousin during days he was absent. It was much more fun to cause mischief legally, as he would say.

Today, Thor stood by his wife who sat comfortably in her rocking chair on the porch, allowing a full view of the hills that sloped gently down to the grand gardens. You were seven months along, approaching the eight month, the swell of your stomach now far more prominent.

At the very moment you had begun to show, you had a companion of whom would almost never leave your side, your husband’s absence in the kingdom gradually becoming more frequent, more lengthened, till at last his presence among his people became an exception. Despite your constant reassurances that you would be fine, Thor insisted on staying, casually sweeping aside your thoughts regarding his habitual sense of duty.

“I would only be gone for nine months to tend to my wife and child, they should fare well on their own lest they are more incompetent than I would’ve thought.” Thor had told you once before, and you’d decided not to question him further on that. You understood your husband’s concerns, to be truthful, you had a few of your own as well, so having Thor assist you alleviated some of the stress and worry concerning your child’s safety.

Especially now that you were nearing your due date. For instance, you were having the toughest time moving, suffering primarily from the weight in your belly and pains in your back and legs that made walking and even standing difficult. What made the physical strain worse too was your child’s eagerness to know you and Thor both, unable to stay long in one position, much like their father’s enthusiasm for battle.

“How are you feeling?” Thor’s question rested upon a rather precise calculation of the last time he had asked the same only a short moment before. It was quite visible in his actions that he did not want to cause any negative feelings if he could help it, though desiring you to avoid stress as much as possible.

You smiled. “Come close. You’ve been standing there for ages just ogling at me.” You opened your arms out wide. “Are you not tired?”

Truth be told, despite Thor’s constant need to remain close to his wife, he felt a real, undeniable fear of touching you, specifically, your abdomen. He closed the distance between until he was right in front of you, staring down at you with hard eyes. Longing leaped like a flame reaching out in his celestial yellow orbs.

“Love, I am always grateful for your concern for me. And I am feeling much better just knowing you’re beside me.” You raised yourself up, pushing against the chair to try to stand. Thor rushed forward, held you then put his hands under your arms to lift you up. Your child was growing fast. “But how about you? How are you feeling?”

You inched closer, your fingers playing with the locks of his hair that you could reach. “Aside from the stress of waiting, I’ve noticed that you have something else weighing on your mind.

“Tell me, what is it?”

At the sight of you through his warworn eyes, his mind was filled with bliss. For that loving glance of yours, he felt a divine presence and holy atmosphere that seemed to pervade everything around you. Having an inkling of what you were hinting at though, he broke your gaze, in an attempt to avert the guilt you conferred on him.

“Please. We’re in this together, I would want nothing more than to help you back as much as you’ve helped me.” Thor felt you shift in his arms, get more comfortable. He felt the bulk of your child across his legs, the weight no doubt pulling you down. Seeing you in pain like that, was sad and unbearable, and the gnawing feeling grew stronger. And since he knew you were always so full of strength and determination, always unrelenting in your attempts to make him feel better, he began,

“I am afraid.” Red eyebrows drew together.

“Afraid of what?”

“That I might accidentally hurt you and our child,” Thor took a deep breath in then let it out in a sigh while taking a step back. “I do not want that to happen, even if I want to be at your side at all times. And this frustrates me to no end.”

Thor did himself a favor by giving attention to anything other than his wife, refusing to be a witness on the sadness and any he may have caused. Dealing with his own disappointment was nothing new, but he had trouble dealing with the fact that he was the cause of yourpain. He wished he could take his troubles which escaped, hanging in the air, and all the bad feelings on himself and let things continue as they were, but he knew it didn’t work that way. You needed to know that he only wanted you and your child safe and protected, even from himself.

He could not understand how the cosmos could play such a cruel joke on the both of you: you, bore so much pain because of one of the greatest affairs of life, and him, the strongest deity in the Pantheon, was powerless against the natural laws of existence.

Strong shoulders slumped, head bowing as stray strands of red hair fell over Thor’s brow. Not again. He did not wish to be reminded of the cautious sympathy his father and cousin had approached him with. His stomach lurched whenever the subject of your frailty came up. Dread and a terrifying fear overwhelmed his soul for the first time, the thought of losing you−

“Hey,” Your voice which lingered on the gentle breeze brushed against Thor’s face, pulling him out of his stupor. He refocused, turning his gaze onto your sweet face.

How were you able to hold yourself up well despite your obvious pain and suffering? Did you not bear the same nervousness as he did? The answer was obvious, practically screaming in Thor’s ears but became deaf following his guilt and clouded instincts. For a long time since you’d first told him about the news, he bore these worries in silence; but when at length he’d been perplexed by your introspection−or seeming lack of it. Why, in fact, did you concern yourself with him at all? Compared to you, there was hardly any threat to his own life posed. Why had you always done more to make him feel better when you were the one who needed it most?

Cutting through the haze he found himself in was the shape of you, or maybe your hair billowing in the wind, a wisp of it across your face, and then suddenly the feel of your skin, the sense of your head on his chest. Even if it were fleeting, that alone brought him the possibilities of comfort that he’d so needed. Oh, how he missed this; you cupped his big callously marble hands around yours, caressing them so tenderly, as if he were fragile and might break, so short it could never be pulled back.

As he relished the warmth of the blaze you gave him for the winter of unease, he’d realized much sooner that the coldness that inched its icy fingers up his spine still threatened to battle your kind words, you, his very own wife, and he detested himself for being unsure whether or not it was of his own doing; was he pushing you away when you’d only wanted to offer your help?

Thor’s immediate impulse was to pull back from you, abruptly halted by your fingers which slipped between his now splayed hand. You wrinkled your nose in a delightfully unguarded manner that caused his breath to hitch in his throat.

“Do you remember the first time we said our vows?” If only you knew the way Thor perceived you: in his eyes, your radiant smile reflected the morning sunlight of Valhalla, for a split second picturing the moment you’d walked down the aisle, that headpiece on your head instantiating the paradox of mystery that once lifted revealed your beautiful face, marking it the best day of his long life. Something warm bloomed in his chest once again and spread its heat out through every vein in his body. He remembered the smooth feel of the veil against his cheek after sealing your promise with a kiss, his lips parting with a breathless sigh.

“Your hands caressed my fit of nerves with light, tender touches and then inspired me with hard, passionate embraces,” With effortless ease, you lifted your intertwined hands to your mouth and kissed his knuckle. Thor watched with great admiration your every move, the desire to distance himself was now but an afterthought. Nothing would ever separate him from you when all you’d ever done was pull him closer than ever.

Then, you sought out his hand, kissing his palm as he stroked your face. You clung onto his arms, gripped at his chest as if you were searching for warmth, as if you needed his touch, and much like him, couldn’t bear to be even an inch away. His mind was still slowing its racing to let him mutter something in response, so he allowed himself to be entranced by how smooth and sure of yourself you were, with nothing to mar the calm serenity of your features. Your smile seemed to be a natural adornment, the utter gentleness in your eyes, reminded him of every morning when he woke up, he would see you by his side, as well as your sleeping snoring face. Right at that moment, the silly scream finally made it to the deaf god’s ears:

He was your haven,

The place you called home and went to find peace.

As Thor immersed himself in your smell, your sparkling eyes, he felt the excruciating cold all melt away in your warmth. No more seeds of doubt with which to sow and seek his destiny. Slowly, he began to see his surroundings from a keener point of view, realizing, then appraising them: from the passing wind your hair messed which he pushed aside, tucking it behind your ear, to how his sash seemed to fit him better indeed, rather than cling onto his skin even tighter as brutally as it had done before. He noticed the minute changes since he’d last taken a good look at you months ago: a little flusher on your skin, lines around the eyes a little deeper, a little increase in body temperature.

He pulled you closer, his actions not arising from calculation instead led by instinct. You let him take more of your weight, your belly pressed against his stomach as you sighed, his fingers working wonders on massaging the muscles that had been much abused in carrying the baby’s weight. A sudden wrenching through his sash struck Thor’s heart and had him holding his breath.

The baby had moved, and he’d felt it.

Bending down, he buried his nose in your hair, closing his eyes as he drank in your scent. Your arms wrapped around his back as he connected in this loving embrace, feeling his heart beat in rhythm with your own.

“Our child would no doubt love to be enveloped in their father’s safe arms,” With a light, gentle touch, your fingers ran through Thor’s hair, making him shiver with delight.

On that day, only the beautiful gardens of Asgard became privy to nothing more than a moment in which husband and wife reached for the same comfort and their concerns met. These gardens were simultaneously the very same place where Thor had first avoided the problems that plagued his mind, but also became exactly the same place where he’d find solace in the arms of his lovely wife.

Resting his hand on where his child was, he recognized that familiar feeling turning up, but upon realizing the bittersweet irony of and within these gardens, the revelation came to him: happiness could also come from the very object of fear.

And as you had an unmovable trust in him, there was an unspoken mutual understanding that he too, should put his trust in you.

[inglorious-purpose]

Loki has a heart

I find it baffling when people claim that Loki “learned to care about others” in the show, or that he suddenly developed a heart and conscience after sidekicking with Mobius and Sylvie. I mean, even if you forget everything from Thor1 -- in which his whole deal is trying to prove his loyalty and love to Odin and Frigga, while simultaneously having a breakdown over the realization that he belongs to a species that his brother has sworn to exterminate -- even if you forget all this, there is plenty of indication within the show itself that Loki cares about others. His speedy character development in episode 1 is predicated on the notion that he cares dearly about his family. He’s shattered when he watches Frigga die, because he cares about her. Mobius is able to give him the world’s biggest guilt trip -- “you lead them right to her!” (a goddam lie) -- precisely because Loki has a conscience. He’s touched when he sees Odin and Thor express their love for his future self, because he cares about them. He cries when he reads about Ragnarok because he cares about Asgard. He fucking cares, ok? He cared from the beginning. Caring is not a new thing for Loki.

Furthermore, even if we were to assume that Loki starts out as a cold-hearted brute, it’s hard to imagine how he could possibly learn compassion from Mobius and Sylvie, neither of whom is exactly a paragon of loving-kindness. Mobius may be nice at times, but he’s a pragmatic, ends-justify-the-means kind of guy. We do see his mushy side, e.g. when he chides a TVA agent for being too rough with the refugees in Roxxcart, but he doesn’t seem to have any qualms about tossing Loki into a time-loop torture chamber. As for Sylvie, she doesn’t say a single kind word to Loki, although she does give him A Look on occasion, and she touched his arm gently at one point, so there’s that.

What Loki does learn is how to let himself be vulnerable in front of others, to let down his guard and reveal the softness underneath his crusty, prickly exterior. After the revelation in Thor1 that he’s been lied to his entire life, he’s finally learning to trust again and forge connections with other people. (One may question whether Mobius and Sylvie deserve his trust, but let’s not open that particular can of worms right now.) He calls Mobius a friend and gives him a hug; he cries in front of Sylvie while begging her to consider the consequences of her actions. One might think that the physical and emotional humiliation Loki has endured throughout the show would have forced him deeper into his protective shell, but instead Loki does the opposite, opening himself sincerely to the people he cares for. In fact, he’s so eager for affection, so relentlessly forgiving, that he seems to be in danger of regressing back to his needy younger self, desperately seeking validation and approval from others. He’s still defining his worthiness in terms of other people’s expectations, instead of drawing on his own internal strength to figure out who he wants to be. In a sense, he’s back to square one, and we may wonder what he’s really gained from his trials.

So when Sylvie rejects him and blasts him through the time door (since when is she able to use magic anyway?), and Mobius doesn’t recognize him, his profound loss seems especially cruel. Loki’s always had a heart; it’s just been broken too many times.

[imagine-that]

White horse

Pairing: Loki x reader

Warnings: maybe angst? Kind of mentions of kidnapping ig?

AN: this one may or may not have more than one part coming 🤫🤭😉 also it’s too the song White Horse by Taylor Swift and I’ve linked it so you can listen while you read or after or before if you’d like!

——————————————————————————

Say you’re sorry, that face of an Angel

Comes out just when you need it to

“Loki get back here! We aren’t done talking about this!” You cry, chasing after the green cloaked god.

“There is simply nothing to talk about. You think leaving is a good idea, I think it is not. Therefore, you are forbidden to leave.” He says bitterly, storming away, back towards the palace.

“Oh for the love of Odin- you’re being ridiculous! You cannot forbid me from doing anything Loki! I am my own person, or am I not now my love?” You ask angrily, picking up your pace to even try and match his.

“Stop! Stop calling me that, stop trying to make it better. I am no longer your love y/n, I am no longer your anything it would seem. But no need to worry, I will be sure to think the same of you and nothing more.” He says coldly, the smirk you so despised playing on his lips.

You groan, smacking his arm. “Would you just listen to me for five minutes?! I-I don’t want to lose you Loki. But I have to get away from here, I don’t want to be contained to only this one place all my life, it’s not enough for me!” You cry, taking his cold, bony hand in your own and holding it tight. “I want to be with you, please.” You beg, your eyes filling with tears.

“Y/n, if Asgard isn’t enough for you, surely I am not either.” He says coldly.

“That’s not true! Do you know how long it took me to finally make this decision for myself? To decide leaving is what’s best?” You ask and he says nothing. “I cried for days at the thought of leaving you. I paced all the time. You’re not the only one having trouble with this choice. Loki- you’re my everything. I can’t bear the thought of losing you forever.” You promise him, squeezing his hand reassuringly.

As I paced back and forth all this time

Cause I honestly believed in you

“Then do not leave. Stay with me, become my princess. We can spend our days by the lake and reading books from the royal library.” Loki argues, taking his other hand and wrapping it around yours.

Suddenly he’s getting down on a knee, pulling out a ring box. You shake your head rapidly, not believing what you’re watching.

“Y/n, you are my princess, my soulmate and my other half. This kingdom would be unbearable without you, it would be the most boring place in the galaxy. I see colors brighter, feel things more clearly and feel like a better man than I am when you are around me. Please, do me the greatest of honors and marry me.” He gives his little speech, smiling up at you with the look of lust and love in his eyes.

“No.” You breathe, staring down at him.

“W-what?” Loki asks, a frown etched on his face.

“I said no! You cannot... guilt trip me into staying here, nor can you just propose to me to prove a point or to distract me for my choices. You... you can’t just tie me down like this. I’m not going to give up on my hopes, nor on my dreams to suit you.” You scoff, stepping back from him.

“You have to! You have to because I say so and as I am crowned prince of Asgard, you must obey!” He cries angrily, getting up off the ground quickly and moving closer to you.

You stare at him with pure disgust and disbelief in your eyes. “You may be the crowned prince but you cannot force me to obey you by any means!” You shout back in his face, breathing heavy with fury. “If you insist I must then you’ll have to throw me in the dungeons because I’d rather rot down there for the rest of my life than marry the man I’m seeing before me right now!” You snark again, tears burning your eyes.

His face contorts into a sickly grin, one that sends horrible goosebumps up your spine.

Holdin’ on, the days drag on

Stupid girl, I should’ve know, I should’ve known

“You truly mean that, do you? You would rather die without a smidge of dignity, stripped down to nothing but a caged animal in the deepest part of Asgard’s darkest, coldest dungeons than marry your beloved?” He asks, inching closer to you.

“You are not my beloved. It would seem you have killed whatever’s left of him.” You growl coldly, turning your back to him.

He laughs a cold and hollow laugh. “You do not get to walk away from me!” He bellows and you remember exactly where his temper came from.

“Yes I do and I will.” You say calmly, your stubborn nature kicking in.

“Trust you to act like a coward in a time of need for bravery.” He sneers.

You swerve back around, snapping your head in his direction.

“Continuing this useless argument with you has nothing to do with bravery Loki. It’s stupidity. And you are being irrational. I can’t talk to you like this. So yes, I’m walking away. But believe me when I say that that is the brave choice in this situation.” You explain, staring straight into his steely grey eyes.

“You said you loved me! You said we were meant to be! You said we were soulmates the universe and the gods decided were meant for each other and only each other. Did you mean one word of it?” He asks, a sad and desperate smile on his lips.

“I- of course I did Loki. I meant every word of what I’ve said to you.” You promise, tears streaming down your own features. His slender and delicate fingers gently reach up, brushing them away with his thumb, his fingers lingering on your cheek.

“Then why are you insisting on leaving me?” He asks, his voice more broken than you’d ever thought possible.

“I don’t belong here Loki. I’m destined for other things and meant to be or not, I cannot truly commit myself to being your princess, to being your forever if it means not exploring that destiny.” You say softly, resting your forehead on his chest longingly.

It’s taking all of your strength to fight the urge to wrap your arms tightly around him and agree to what he’s asking just to see his smile return but you manage.

You know this relationship could never be healthy if you couldn’t commit to it with all of your heart and soul. And if it couldn’t be healthy, you didn’t want to put either of you through that. You couldn’t handle that pain.

That I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale

I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell

“Loki. You have to let me go my own way.” You sigh, glancing up at him.

He says nothing, turning himself away from you.

“I cannot do that. I literally cannot bring myself to do that. Either you stay or I am merely nothing to you. That is how it will be.” He states after taking a shaky breath.

“Loki you can’t possibly expect me to make that decision!” You cry out, mouth agape in shock.

“It is the decision that must be made. If I mean anything to you at all, you would stay and rule by my side.” He says.

“It isn’t that simple Loki! I can’t just choose you because I love you.” You groan, throwing your hands up in frustration.

“And why not? Because it is easier to run away from me, run from what it is we have than to be with me? I am fully aware of that fact y/n, it has burdened me all my life!” He bursts out, his eyes glazed over with unshed tears.

“No! You do not get to play the left as a baby card right now Loki because you know it is not like that at all! You know I harbour nothing but love for you! It is not a simple choice I’m making right now!” You argue, shaking your head.

“What did you expect me to say exactly y/n? I am not going to stand here and blatantly lie to your face and say I agree with your choice in departure nor that I am ok with it!” He shouts louder. “I refuse to let you leave! I refuse it, ok? You cannot leave Asgard, I will forbid Heimdall from allowing you to go if that is what I must do but you will not leave me like this!” He snaps, his face one of rage and possessiveness as he makes his way to the doorway and out towards the bridge to the gate to the realms.

“You can’t do that to me!” You cry, racing after him to stop him. You scramble to get in front of him, laying your palms against his chest to keep him from moving any further.

“Remove yourself from my path darling.” He warns, staring you down. Still, you remain in your spot.

“Not a chance dearest.” You growl back mockingly.

This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

He picks you up carefully by the arms, moving you behind him effortlessly.

“If you do this I will never forgive you! I will not only leave you, I will never speak to you again. Not even if you hold one of your swords to my throat to force the words out yourself.” You shout after him, your voice void of any emotions other than pure, white, hot rage.

He pauses in the middle of the bifrost, looking at you, testing the truth behind your words as he analyzes your stance.

He meets your eyes, your big y/e/c showcasing every bit of vulnerability within you in that moment for him to see. He had a knack for that it seemed, seeing everything about you no matter how much you tried to hide it.

He knew you like the back of his hand. Normally, you felt safe and protected with that.

Now you just felt hatred for the eyes baring into your soul.

“You will forgive me someday. I am sure of it.” He says quietly, smiling softly at you.

He leaves you there on the bridge, falling to your knees with a small sob.

Deep down you knew he was just scared. Scared you would somehow be hurt or taken or used as a weapon of some sort and he wouldn’t be there to come to your rescue.

But that didn’t matter. You didn’t want your knight in shining armour. You only wanted to be free.

Now it’s too late for you and your white horse

To come around

————————————————————

A few nights later...

You couldn’t take it anymore. You had paced back and forth in your room, biting down your nails out of stress and anger and the need to concentrate. Your hair was a mess, you refused to change into any of the clothes you were given, staying stubbornly in your outfit from the few nights ago instead.

Since your meltdown on the Bifrost, Loki had brought you back to the palace, stroked your hair as he tried to talk you down, calm you. It had worked, much to your dismay. You’d woken up in a foreign room and upon an attempt to leave, you found that you were being kept there.

Loki was treating you like a prisoner. He was being true to the Midgardian fairytale Rapunzel he’d once read to you in the gardens, you’d thought to yourself the first day.

“Loki, let me out of here!” You screamed desperately that day, pounding on the door until your fists ached. Crying and shrieking in hopes someone would help you.

He again, came and talked you down, holding you as you sobbed. You were a wreck, you couldn’t comprehend how your sweet, kind eyed Loki had become this monster who kept you like a toy or trophy rather than his equal, his true love.

Somehow though, you believed he was in there, crying to get out and be the one to hold you in his arms and let you go. You imagined staring into his eyes, kissing him, promising you’d be there for him no matter how far you were. It was driving you crazy, trying to flip between the Loki you’d known all this time and the one you were with now.

Maybe I was naive,

Got lost in your eyes

You’d managed to calm yourself most of the time, you’d managed to talk him out of the crazy idea of keeping you under lock and key. Even this new Loki seemed to realize it was too much, too inhuman and cruel. He apologized for having done it in the first place and you merely nodded, staying true to your promise to him. You weren’t speaking to him anytime soon, if at all.

You instead stayed in his room, staying by his side when he wasn’t taking care of his duties.

You knew he was wrong. You knew he was being awful and possessive and downright toxic but still, you couldn’t imagine not being with him. You couldn’t imagine it but you knew it was a terrible idea to willingly stay. It wasn’t what was right for you.

You stayed in bed most of the day, trying not to feel the ache for his touch in your chest the way you were now. And when you weren’t, you were standing on the balcony, watching out at Asgard. You may not love living there but you still believed it was beautiful regardless.

That was how Loki found you that evening, in a robe on the balcony, staring down at the city.

“It is beautiful with the sunset is it not?” He says calmly from the doorway, leaning against the doorframe.

You nod a bit, not bothering to turn around to face him.

You hear him moving closer but you pay no attention, crossing your arms over your chest.

“You are truly not going to talk to me?” He asks with a sigh.

You shake your head, resting your chin in your palm as you watched the sky become as golden as the palace itself as the sunset.

He sighs, running a hand through his hair from what you can see in the corner of your eyes.

You were taking your time, balancing your options on the invisible scale in your mind. You wanted to be held by him and trust him again but you couldn’t bring yourself to let him have it all. Not after what he’d done. You silently decided that letting him struggle, torturing him with your silence was your best play.

And never really had a chance

My mistake, I didn’t know to be in love

You had to fight to have the upper hand

Your long term plan for yourself was yet to be determined. Loki’s kindness and love for you was blinding you, making it impossible to concentrate on your thoughts, much less make them coherent.

You brush past him, ignoring his begging gaze as you go into the bathroom and shut the door behind you, getting in the shower. You let the water run down your hair, getting it wet while your mind starts to clear up a bit and you finally know exactly what you have to do for your sake.

You finish, getting redressed before going back into the room, ignoring the princes longing eyes as you climb into the bed, facing away from him.

“Alright, that is enough already y/n.” He sighs, pulling the blankets off of you. You jump up in shock, staring at him blankly. “I know you are mad at me however I only did this for us, my love!” He insists.

You scoff, abandoning your former decision completely. “You did absolutely NOTHING for us here Loki. You did this for you. You did this because you’re scared.” You argue back, your days of pent up anger at him thankful for a release.

“I did not! I did it to protect you, to keep us from falling apart!” He shouts.

“Please! Loki I am begging you to at least admit to yourself that you did none of this for my protection!” You cry, staring him right in the eye.

His breathing is heavy and jagged, he’s panicking, this much you knew. “I-I would never do anything regarding you for my own selfish gain.” He says calmly.

“But you did Loki. You did everything to do with this for YOUR gain.” You sob, tears covering your cheeks.

“I-I love you Loki. I truly, painfully do. But I cannot be with anyone who would regard me as some sort of trophy. I will not do it.” You continue, your lip trembling as you speak.

“I never- I never meant for it to get this far... I merely wanted to keep the one thing I’ve truly loved in my life safe. I wanted us to spend forever together, side by side.” He says, his voice so low and quiet you have to strain to hear it properly.

“I-I know.” You stammer, gulping in a breath between tearful gasps. And you did know. He was your other half, there was no way you didn’t think of the future with him in the same way he did. You just didn’t always treat it the same.

I had so many dreams

About you and me

“Please- please forgive me darling. I cannot apologize enough for the chaos and- and the harm and trauma I put you through these past few days. I was no better than my father himself. I was truly a monster.” He says, his eyes once again filled with unshed tears.

You nod lightly. “Okay.” You say quietly, meeting his eyes.

“W-what?” He asks, his eyes wide in disbelief.

“You heard me. Okay. I forgive you.” You say simply.

“J-just like that?” He says, still not convinced.

You force a laugh, continuing with your small charade. “Yes just like that. You’re my true love, I could never stay mad at you for too long Loki.” You say with a small smile.

He smiles back, pulling you into a hug. “Oh my darling you have no idea how grateful I am for your forgiveness.” He murmurs into your ear. You hesitantly hug back, wrapping your arms tightly around him.

“Always.” You promise quietly. “As much as I love sharing a room with you though Loki, I think I’d like to sleep in my own bed tonight if that’s alright.” You ask, blinking at him innocently.

He nods repeatedly in agreement. “Of course my love. Whatever you wish.” He promises, standing and offering you a hand. You take it in your own, getting to your feet yourself.

The two of you walk around talking for a few hours, making you glad for the fresh air and mind numbingly silent atmosphere. He holds your hand tight, almost as if he’s scared you’ll disappear if he lets go.

“I think I need some sleep my love. I’m feeling kind of tired.” You say with a small yawn. Without hesitation he walks you to your room, making sure you’re good for the night and that everything is to your likings.

“Loki, everything is fine. Go. I’ll be fine.” You groan exhaustedly. He sighs in defeat, standing in the doorway.

“Ok but I will be here in the morning in case you need me. Goodnight my love.” He says, pressing a gentle kiss on your cheek.

You nod with a tiny smile, knowing that by morning you wouldn’t be there for him to help.

Once he’s finally gone, you change into something more comfortable and a little more inconspicuous, grabbing a few of your things and tossing them into a bag. You scramble to write a quick note to your family so they aren’t left entirely in the dark with all that’s happening and you ensure that the door is locked to buy yourself more time.

You climb out the window, gulping as you feel yourself dangling from so high up but making your climb down to the ground floor of the castle.

You felt guilt for leaving Loki so quickly and hastily but you knew it was for the best. You weren’t meant for any kind of fairytale life and staying with him while he was so controlling and had become so dark wasn’t a valid option for you. You wanted to live life, not struggle through it.

And so, you made a small jump to the ground and ran down the shimmering bifrost, running to the gates and off into the night alone.

Happy endings

Now I know...

[opinions-of-loki]

Loki - Episode One, Summary bullet points in form of an unnecessarily detailed opinion

- What I found sort of funny was Loki, who immediately hit the dessert and immediately hurried to the next higher stone, as if this were the pedestal that was his equal, only to be able to explain / present himself to the Mongolian inhabitants, only that they did not understand him and asked again who he is. It kinda gave me Hela vibes. Black haired Odin children have a tough time getting heard.

ALSO! THE SASS! Yet staying polite despite him being confused of what is going to happen to him - Trying to be all intimidating, but nobody takes him serious, as always! You can’t scare the time space cops my boy :/ Finding out how the company works and being all confused was honestly a very sweet and funny moment

- What’s up with the soundtracks??? Someone give this dude a raise who composed these Blade Runner-que music for the TVA followed with those cool bagpipes traditionally used for Scandinavian folk music? FUCK YES! Also the end credits music, it’s just excellent!

- Loki questioning if he’s a robot or not! I mean, he was told to believe he was an Aesir but in the end wasn’t. So who knew if Odin adopted a robot son? Better check on this one - I kinda got cute vibes from Mobius and Renslayer, they seem to perhaps have a closer connection towards another, especially after he greeted her with a formal Hi and talking to her on a somehow personal level - Mobius at first seemed like a very kind man and being patient with Loki, even supportive, but he is an experienced cop and knows how to handle complicated people, especially Loki variants. Mobius gives off a vibe of an older Blade Runner who takes his job very serious. But in the middle I kind of started to hate him a little

- The story of why Loki is an American crime legend D.B. Cooper just because he lost a bet to Thor when they were younger! Hilarious! Most of the most legendary pranks ever! I would have been more happy about the details of why Thor demanded this, or if it went like ” Loki! Cause some chaos on Midgard. Humans are easy to impress.” ” Say no more, Brother!” - Though Mobius seemed like the only person ever who had the ability to call out Loki to his actions: That he isn’t a God of mischief, because he confronted Loki about if killing innocent people is part of his fun, if it brings enjoyment to him to torture people who had nothing to do about Loki’s past. Loki denying that it’s not true, Mobius harshly confronts him about his earlier maniac like expression when removing someone’s eyeballs, if this is still harmless mischief-making. - BUT! Where is it mentioned he was controlled by the mind stone and the thriving fear of Thanos to get killed??? Loki was under pressure, to get killed by the Mad Titan, and he wasn’t thinking rationally when he invaded New York? For someone who studied Loki’s life so well, Mobius sucks to get a point to this one, or it will be mentioned in the future, I better hope so - Loki doesn’t trust easily, because “Trust is for children and dogs.” Gave me Natasha vibes. Because she and him were sharing a quite similar conversation a few hours earlier.

- SEEING FRIGGA’S DEATH! Loki giving great speeches about wanting to free everyone, being a ruler of the Nine Realms to hide away what he truly desired and that nobody would understand his thoughts and emotions, but seeing 2012 Loki seeing that HE gave the coordinates to the Dark Elves, unknowing Frigga would be on this very wing, you can see how hurt he was and panicked! He completely lost all trails of thoughts, asking where she is, if the TVA also kept her, if she is okay! He wanted to save her so badly, he doesn’t want to become the version who will kill her once again. - Mobius saying that there is nothing he can change and that Frigga HAS to die to get back in the flow of time, OUCH! - I get more TTDW vibes when everything that has been explained to Loki, that he will only bring death and chaos no matter what he does, that not only Frigga is destined to die, but Loki is about to die at some point, it made me think of Odin’s words:

Mobius said the same things, Loki’s destiny is to bring death or to ultimately die himself, no matter if he goes the bad or good path. It left me with weird vibes about Mobius being like Odin, just less of an abusive father mentor thing. He was made to cause pain, death and suffering. It hurt. Knowing those weren’t Loki’s goals, he came to the realization that Mobius is right, but doesn’t want to admit it, or at least denies it, but agreed in the end in a very subtle way - MOBIUS AND LOKI FIGHTING!! ” Do you enjoy killing?” “I will kill you!” “Like you did to your mother?” MOBIUS! FUCK YOU! At this point, he lost any sympathy from me towards him. He was guilt-tripping Loki, perhaps even gaslighting him. But this is also part of his job. He isn’t supposed to be Loki’s friend, he is a cop after all. Loki is an emotional and vulnerable being, so hitting him at the worst spot to get out more of him probably wasn’t the kindest thing to do, but probably the most effective for Mobius. Loki likes to pressure other people, but doesn’t like to be the pressured one. - Loki’s purpose is to bring those together he ultimately tried to remove according to Mobius, Loki brought together a team of legendary superheroes together that barely knew each other, and they grew strong together thanks to Loki’s wrongdoings. It somehow hurt a lot, but in the end, Mobius was speaking the harsh truth -  "I will gut you out like a fish!” “What's a fish?!” BLESS CASEY!

- Endless Infinity Stones! I am in love with this idea! I don’t know why I saw people getting confused by it because even though the Stones are what hold the universe together, the TVA doesn’t live in that very universe, they are beyond that very space and time we don’t know and can’t grasp, they visit timelines after timelines, so of course it happens they find stones and keep them, either knowing or not knowing what they are, or they simply don’t care, because they have no purpose in the TVA. Perhaps these stones are variants too and don’t belong to a certain timeline and needed to be removed, such as Loki’s Tesseract

- What got me the most, and we all know what I mean, Loki crying privately when he once again viewed the life of his alternative self, viewing the loss of his family, the loss of his own life. I don’t really know if he mourned over Odin too, but in this series, Odin never threatened to kill or imprison Loki which perhaps didn’t cause any damage towards his anger. Though he was aware that Odin took the other Loki in a cell, but it was a destiny he could avoid now that he knew how things will turn out when he returns to Asgard. He will never get arrested, Frigga probably wouldn’t die because of him, though I get a feeling the Dark Elves will come nevertheless, but this time, it shall be Thor’s problem not to screw it up. Though it was a relief to see him smile soon after when he realized Thor was the only one believing in him, even though their relationships always has been kinda weird, as Loki always was jealous of him being everyone’s first choice, but in the end, Thor was alive, everything that was left, and Thor didn’t hate him - End of File - I don’t know why, but reading this, Loki himself reading this, the very end of his life, it made me shiver. He saw his memories of what could be, what MUST happen to him, and that there are more happy memories. But in the end, there are no memories anymore - end of file. That’s it. That was his life. - I can’t imagine how many thoughts must have been go through his head to see Thanos again, Loki’s try to kill him, just to see his neck and wind pipe getting cracked. He currently recovers from the effects of a full year of torture, both mentally and physically, just the same he would treat his ‘Children’. I can imagine Thanos promised him the world, something small to rule over to expand over more realms. Thanos triggered Loki’s fear and anger, who had to deal with the information he never belonged to Asgard in the first place. Whenever Loki would try to flee or play games with Thanos, I can imagine Loki got punished for it, he never even spoke sassy with Thanos during Infinity War.  Loki is terrified of him for good reasons. I imagine this young man, feared, terrified, trapped on a rock with daily mental manipulation and pain. Loki became obedient and would have done anything for Thanos, whatever he ordered, including an exchange of power. Even if Thanos never fully was on his side and used Loki as a puppet with power and sorcery, being useful, I get a feeling Loki clung to his words and promises to rule over Earth as a savior and liberator, which completely went wrong - His laughter following after could have many reasons, relief, stress or disbelief. He was still crying between those laughs, which could be taken as desperation about no matter what he does, his actions will lead to harsh consequences. Disbelief of what he just saw, as if it felt so unreal to even believe what he had just witnessed, that it was all real, a destiny that was meant to him. But what else did Loki do during serious situations? He avoids them, he doesn’t want to acknowledge problems and shoving them away with a sassy comment or a smile to cope with it - which could mean this laughter could be part of his coping mechanism

- Him opening up, addressing why Loki hurts people, was honestly the best scene to me. He spoke about his inferior complex, his fear of not being strong enough to survive, building up a facade, a fake personality to survive also with the help of his magic. He thought he can be superior to anyone if he could scare everyone, gaining respect and love in form of war and destruction, as he perhaps thought of Odin being a former warlord, he would prefer a son who is able to conquer, being merciless. He doesn’t want to get hurt, he doesn’t trust anyone easily, that’s why he has to hurt people, to avoid of getting hurt or betrayed in the end. He became a double-edged sword I’m open for opinions and private chatting if you guys want to add something ! :DD

[margridarnauds]

So, I’m trying to articulate my thoughts on Valhalla and gender, which is sparked by the fact that, while Lagertha is prominently mentioned as the mother of the Ragnarssons (and you can find her axe), we never hear so much as a word about Aslaug/Thora, who is pretty much the real protagonist of Ragnar’s saga. 

On one hand: Lagertha is pretty much at a high of popularity right now, courtesy of Vikings (derogatory). On the other hand: Aslaug is in Vikings (derogatory) too. We see her AS THE MOTHER of most of Ragnar’s sons. There’s no reason for her NOT to be recognizable enough to be included. (Lagertha’s inclusion is also problematic - Instead of being able to divorce Ragnar and have her own life, they went the cheap route by having her being shot by a Finnish arrow.) But, at the end of the day.....it feels like, while Valhalla DOES include a diverse range of women (including our protagonist), ultimately there is....some sort of hierarchy involved, where women who fight, or at least wield weapons are automatically seen as better? 

Of our two longterm romantic interests, neither one wears a dress, both of them in traditionally masculine clothing, likewise for Ciara in WOTD. With Randvi, we’re first really invited to pity her/consider her as a really viable romantic option when we hear that she COULD have been a Jomsviking....had she not been married off to Sigurd. We see her taking down bandits, drinking ale, and we’re supposed to think, at that point, that she’s a worthy love interest. 

There’s this rather confusing line from the artbook, which says: 

“As a strategist, Randvi does not dress in a warrior’s outfit, but neither does she wear the typical women’s clothing of her time.” 

Which...seems to imply that being a strategist (a role that primarily involves her being behind a table), is automatically at odds with wearing a dress. Even if 9th century Scandinavian clothing was restrictive (it isn’t - We’re well, well before the days of tightlacing here, and women had to be able to go about their daily chores, and even IN the days of tightlacing as the peak of fashion, plenty of women didn’t, or went about their daily chores), she’s not doing anything that involves intense manual labor. Putting her in pants is simply a way of saying “Look! Look at Randvi! Look at how independent she is!” which....actually doesn’t work, when almost EVERY OTHER major female NPC is ALSO in pants. Including Valka who, as a völva, ergo a non-combatant role that mostly involves eating shrooms in her huts, has no practical need for pants, even if, once again, the clothing was impractical. If I didn’t know What A 9th Century Norsewoman Should Look Like, I would just assume that this was something that all noblewomen did. 

It’s very rare to see women actively weaving, as I’ve discussed before, with Eivor only weaving as one of the disguises that she can take to blend in. As a shieldmaiden who’s up and about constantly, I honestly wouldn’t expect Eivor to devote that much time to weaving, but it is a little jarring when the women who are constantly at the settlement don’t so much as mention it, since this was a great opportunity for women to get together, share gossip, tell tales, talk shit about the men, etc. in their own spaces. And there was a bit of an anxiety around it, because, while this was a necessary function for the creation of clothing (which, in the game, seems to just materialize in chests over the game world), it also was tightly associated with magic and sorcery. (Hence why there was a stigma against men practicing magic....unless you’re Odin, in which case Loki will talk shit about you but is anyone else? No. Because you’re Odin.) I want to emphasize that my issue here isn’t “STAY IN THE KITCHEN AND BE A PROPER WOMAN, EIVOR”, it’s more....erasing what the vast majority of women in the Viking Age DID. 

The closest we get to more traditional, more conventional women would be in the form of the religious women, but, from the Anchoress to the one murderous nun in the mysteries event to Frideswid in the Lunden Arc to Acha in the Lincolnscire arc, they tend to be portrayed as either zealous and evil or confused and easily manipulated, which ignores the reality for many medieval women, which is that, for many women who didn’t want marriage for one reason or another (whether it was that they were facing the possibility of a forced marriage, or they had no dowry, or they were lesbians, or they were ace, or they were any combination of those things), it was their one chance at a life of their own. I’m not saying that it was IDEAL, or that the medieval church was ideal, but it did give them options (that, incidentally, in the pre-Christian times....you didn’t have. Which is why I don’t attach any real sense of horror to Christianity coming to Ireland, at LEAST from the standpoint of women’s rights. There are other aspects to that, but we’re here, in 9th century England, so I won’t go into it.) No, it has to come from some moral defect, otherwise, they would be independent, like Eivor, like Randvi, like Petra, like Eadwyn, like Valdis, or even like Fulke, who is a religious figure referenced, extensively, as mad and heretical, but who makes a large impact on the plot and at least earns some level of respect, as opposed to the others who make relatively brief appearances.

Now, when discussing women warriors, there tends to be some moral value attached to it: “Women warriors DIDN’T EXIST, and if you argue that they DID, you just want women to be men, ignoring that non-femme women might find comfort in the knowledge that they aren’t alone”, often with a sense of moral guilt-tripping over “Erasing women’s suffering” (which also falls into the trap of assuming that being a woman = suffering, or that that’s the defining experience of being a woman) VS “Women warriors EXISTED and they were #NotLikeOtherGirls and that’s ALL we’re going to talk about as far as women at the time, as well as ignoring any potential evidence for trans or otherwise nonbinary identities”. Both options have the potential to erase or diminish what either option can mean to people. I hate both options equally, and I find that the way they’re brought in is incredibly manipulative. I’m not interested in saying that putting an axe in a woman’s hand = setting back feminism for twenty years. I’m not interested in saying that having essentially no more conventional women in the main cast = feminism. Both are bad, but what I’m concerned about is the lack of nuance in Valhalla and how it seems to assume that there’s ONLY ONE WAY to have power. (I’d hoped that Lady Eadwyn would be cool, and she is....even though we only see her in armor, she’s kind of what I would expect from a medieval woman, in the sense that her husband was Ealdorman and now she’s following in his footsteps, defending her rights as his widow, but then we replace her with a dude.)

As someone whose relationship to gender is Weird, I actually really, really enjoy playing a female character who has the kind of independence that Eivor has - I enjoy getting to jump around, killing things in a gloriously rendered historical environment. I enjoy that, with the exception of Dag, no one really questions it (though I would have been down for a more in-depth examination of gender in the Viking Age). I enjoy that Eivor is compassionate, clever, and aggressive, and that she’s able to have romances with both sexes. I’m not trying to nuke her via historical accuracy here (especially since the historical reality of shieldmaidens is SUCH a hot topic, I feel like wading into either end of the historical accuracy pool is a recipe for disaster) because I actually really, really like her as a character. There are relatively few times where I really, really identify with and love a main female video game character, especially since, so often, even into the present, when things are supposed to be better, I can still TELL that they were made by and for straight men, and this is one. What I AM saying is that I hate that it comes at the expense of basically every woman who ISN’T a warrior or otherwise “independent” by the game’s standards. You do have merchant women, the tattoo artist in camp, Valka, as mentioned before, but it all goes back to that point - We never really see a prominent woman running the household, managing the money, giving orders, which was an immensely important, powerful job, and as a result, it always feels kind of halfway done, that we’re over-representing one relationship to gender at the expense of another. 

[rezdogsyonder]

Similar circumstances

I’ve stolen a prompt from @mcudarklibrary, here is the list here. All credit goes to them, and this was in no way my idea, but I did want to write using these prompts. No one notices the reader missing from the party + Reader has to stay quiet in the library.

Also I put two dresses, so you can visualise the look I’m going for and length I have in mind, I don’t mention any colors or any specific size of woman. (Besides height) But I think a dark colored dress is best suited yenno?

Pairing: Loki x Tall!Reader

Summary: There is a new member in the Avengers, everyone seems to hate him but maybe you will like him as much as he likes you.

Warnings: Dark!Loki, non/dub-con(more dub than non but she did explicitly say no), unprotected sex, superserum!reader, Loki using his powers, choking, manipulation? (It feels like manipulation to me, like guilt tripping), double penetration, oral male and female receiving, mentions a cockwarming

**********

“Are you ready yet?” Nat asked from the your bed.

“Just another coat of mascara.” Holding your mouth open while you brush your eyelashes. A weird habit that everyone seemed to have. Taking a step back to look at yourself you’re pleased with what you see.

Your dress fitting you well, your make up being so close to perfect you wonder how you managed to do it. Bold lips, and some eyeshadow to make your eyes pop, tying your entire look together.

“Let’s go, we’re getting close to fashionably late.” She stood up after finishing strapping her heals. Even with her stilettos she wasn’t even up to your shoulder, she might have if you hadn’t worn heels as well. You like heels and you aren’t going to cater to any men to make them feel comfortable.

The only exception would be Tony or Bruce, but they are mature and secure with themselves so they would never ask anyways.

Tony’s party tonight is to celebrate the welcoming of a new Avenger. He’s not particularly fond of the new addition, but he is always looking for a reason to have a “small” gathering.

You don’t know about him yet, but you know you want to form your own opinion about him. It wasn’t his fault, he was being controlled by Thanos, manipulated by the fact that he felt unwelcome in his own family. Asgardian technology or magic or whatever showed evidence of mind control. But being raised to believe he’s a monster didn’t help anything either. Your heart went out to him. He didn’t even seem to feel comfortable in his true form.

Hoping you’ll get a chance to talk to him tonight, you pull yourself out of your thoughts. Time to focus on the party, you and Steve will most likely be the ones dragging everyone back to their rooms when they’re too drunk to walk.

Getting into the elevator, you ask Friday to take you to the top floor. It was a short ride and when the doors opened it revealed a green and gold color scheme.

“Well the party is for Loki, but don’t you think they went a little overboard?” She mumbled over to you.

“Huh, yeah maybe a little bit.” You smiled and held your finger and thumb mm’s apart. “Just a smidge.”

Natasha grabbed your arm and wrapped it in hers, “Lets get some drinks, come on, I’ll make you one that I know you’ll like.” Weaving through the large crowd.

**********

I saw you walk in, I’ve seen you many times before as well. Not allowed to talk to you or the other members of the team outside of Thor or Stark. I’ve seen you covered in blood, in sweatpants with sleep still in your eyes, but I haven’t seen you like this before. You were breath-taking.

I had hidden my fondness with you so far, but with everyone else’s unwillingness to talk to me, I’ve decided not to approach you first, hoping you would come to me. I don’t want to feel your rejection, which would most definitely happen if I just walk up to you.

Besides, the red head you were with would most definitely verbally rip my throat out if I got anywhere near. Thor brought Asgardian mead the last time he went through the bifrost, and plenty of it.

Sipping on my ale, I try to gain the courage I need to be able to just be here. Even if you only say my name in disgust it will be enough because I know that one day, you will be saying it with adoration.

Just as the way I have always said your name.

**********

“Nat I don’t know why you waste the alcohol on me, it’s not like I can get drunk.”

“This,” she held up a glass bottle that looks to be an antique, “is no regular alcohol. Now quit complaining and try... this.” She finished pouring a pink fruity smelling liquid and pushed the glass your way.

You bring the glass up to your lips and it tasted like a very sweet berry lemonade. You doubted this had any alcohol in it. It tasted just like juice, and you can’t smell anything bad about it.

“Are you trying to trick me or something,” you smiled, teasing her and held out your hand, “can I see the bottle?”

She handed it over with a smirk, and you smelt it, and god it is the worst thing you have ever smelt. Rotting honey and yeast, or maybe it’s more like apple cider vinegar. You quickly hand it back, coughing a little as if it’ll get that rancid smell out of your nose.

“What is that?” You’re about to gag, so you take a drink of the lemonade.

“Asgardian Mead. Who knew even literal gods like to party?” She laughed a little looking at the bottle with wonder before setting it back down underneath the counter. “So what do you think?” She gestured to your cup.

“You actually put that in there? You can’t even tell, how?” You’re drinking it again, genuinely wondering how she did it because she’s an absolute miracle worker.

“Strawberry banana purée, miracle whip, berry inclusions, vanilla extract, and a lemonade that had a lot of sugar. Like enough to make it into a syrup.”

“I can’t even taste banana! You’re magic I swear, can you show me?” You chugged the last of it and got behind the bar with her. You don’t want to bother her for more drinks later tonight because you know that you will want many more.

She shows you through the steps and still are in disbelief when you see the mead being poured in, she used more than you thought she would. Meaning that it is stronger than you gave credit for.

You start feeling a bit tipsy as she finishes it up, “Thank you so much, you are honestly the best.”

“No problem, but you should be thanking Thor, he brought it.” She pointed behind you with a flip of her hair she was walking towards Bruce who was talking to Clint at the other end of the bar.

You look in the direction she gave and through the large crowd you see him in the back corner, surrounded by Steve, Bucky, Sam, and Loki. The man of the hour. Might as well congratulate him while you’re over there.

Hopefully you won’t make a fool of yourself.

**********

“Heyy.” Drawing out the word way longer than it needs to, you go to sit in the space between Loki and Thor. Plopping down in an uncoordinated fashion, but careful not to spill your drink.

“Lady Y/N, how wonderful it is for you to join us. Tell us, are you enjoying tonight’s festivities?” He is his usual joyful self as he brings his arm around your shoulder pulling you close.

“Yes actually, thank you for bringing the drinks, I really appreciate it.”

“Ah, it is nothing. I have heard of your problems with the earthly ale, and I thought I could be of service. To the captain and soldier as well!” He raised his cup, to which you cheered.

“Actually what is mead? ‘Cause I smelt some of it and jesus it smells so bad.”

“It is honey, water, and sugar, fermented for hundreds of years, sometimes thousands. I believe it is a 100 percent alcohol by volume in Midgard terms. The magical properties however make it stronger.” Loki answered the question, after seeing Thor’s unknowing expression. You turn to him, not realizing how close you were sitting to the two of them. You shift in your seat to face him a little better.

“Whoa... what is the regular alcohol by volume percent?” You take another drink, his eyes trained on you.

“10-12 percent for the average wine.”

“How is it that you’re not even from here, but you know more about the alcohol here than me?” You teased, your feeling more comfortable with the liquid courage running through you.

He gave a small smile, “I just enjoy reading.”

“Well, mister bookworm, congratulations on becoming an avenger. I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced.” You held your hand out for a handshake.

“Ah yes of course, I am Loki Laufeyson, son of Odin and Freya.” He grabbed your fingers, twisting your hand so he may kiss your knuckles. His hand and lips were cold, and you feel a burn in your cheeks. Was he making you blush?

“Y/N L/N,” You said breathlessly.

“Y/N. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” Your face felt on fire as you couldn’t suppress a small giggle. He smiled once more, rubbing his thumb over you fingers before letting it rest on your thigh.

“So what were you guys talking about?” You scooch into your seat a little more, the action bringing you closer to the man on your right. Which did not go unnoticed by Loki.

He couldn’t focus on anything but you, the conversation going on without him. Not that he minded. It was unbelievable that you’re were acting this way to him. Had you truly seen through his past transgressions?

**********

The rest of the night you spent talking to the group and sneaking glimpses of Loki. He has been awfully quiet, seeming to prefer listening over talking.

“Hey, are you not enjoying the party?” You half whispered over to him. Unable to fully be quiet.

“I am enjoying your company, and that is enough.”

“You said you like books right?” You reach past him to set your now empty glass on the table behind him, making you face to face, noses almost touching.

“I believe I have said that,” he nodded and licked his lips.

“Meet me at the elevator in 5 minutes?” You sat back, hand on his thigh ready to stand up.

“Of course, but the party?”

“It’s not like anybody will notice I’m gone, and I’ve got something to show you.” You stood up and made your way to the bar once more to make yourself a drink to take with you. Using a tall glass this time.

**********

You had your drink and you were walking to the elevator trying to seem as inconspicuous as possible. Probably failing at that since you were a little past tipsy but not quite drunk. It’s a wonder how you are still walking in heels.

Mission completed, you were at the elevator and nobody stopped you and nobody too close noticed you were leaving. With the guest of honor too.

“How punctual,” you tease once you’re in the elevator, you push the button for floor 84. 9 floors below the two of you.

“I would hate to keep a lady waiting. Now where are we going, might I ask?” You look at him and realize just how handsome he is, his black suit fitting him well, really well, and he is also a little bit taller than you with your heels.

“It’s a surprise, you’ll just have to wait and see.” You smiled, feeling butterflies in your stomach. You’re actually feeling excited for the first time in a while. While also hoping you made a new friend.

“Ok, close your eyes.” You stand in front of his and put your hand over both eyes. His hands brushed yours before putting his arms down.

“As you wish.” The elevator doors opened with a little ding.

“Ok walk forward and I’ll lead you.” You giggled, you took your hand from his face but you took his hand in yours, he followed your directions around the tables until he was in the middle of the room.

“Open.” You weren’t even trying to hide you smile anymore. You wondered what he thought of the library. “It’s a replica of the library in Amsterdam, ours is just bigger though.”

“It is indeed very impressive.” He looked around for a few seconds and let out a sigh, “why... why are you doing this?” He leans over grabbing the top of the chair next to him, he looked to you, but you’re speechless.

“...What do you mean?” You take a sip of your drink before setting it on the table beside you.

“I should have to earn your trust, you shouldn’t just give it blindly. Why aren’t you like the rest of your team?” He straightened his posture and rubbed his face; covering his mouth waiting for your answer.

“I..uh. I just thought that I could relate, being controlled, having no freewill. I just thought of what I wanted when everyone refused to talk to me, I just wanted someone to talk to. Someone who would be nice.” It makes your chest hurt hearing his voice sound so sad, broken. “And I am like the rest of my team, we know what it’s like to feel like you do right now. We just don’t know how to deal, you know?”

“You mean there was a point when you couldn’t control yourself?” He looked you in the eyes, and they were glazed over, as if they’ll start watering soon.

“Yeah, they didn’t have you go through everyone’s files when you got here?”

He shook his head, and looked away.

“Well maybe you should talk to them about their pasts, but I can tell you that I know exactly how you feel. 3 years ago I escaped from Hydra, I was their weapon along side Bucky. He escaped first, so I was left to pick up the slack on missions, some of which involved killing very important people.” You turn away. “Including good people. They took my free will away, even now if you were to say a string of words I would have no choice but to comply. I even thought I was a lost cause but the team helped me through it. I can’t even see that person as myself anymore, it was so long ago. The invasion was what? 8 years ago? That person isn’t you.”

“Y/N. I had no idea, I apologize for taking your kindness for granted. I’m sorry for upsetting you, it seems I just have a skewed image of how others perceive me.” He takes a few steps towards you, grabbing your arm. “Please don’t think any less of me than you already do.”

You hug him, burying your face in his neck, “I won’t ever think of you as less than. I mean, you are an actual god.” You chuckle trying to ease the tension.

It grows silent in the room, you stay in his embrace but lean back to look at him. His gaze growing darker. You look at his lips and it doesn’t go unnoticed as he leans closer. You can’t help but feel a pull and you begin to close your eyes. As your lips are just a sliver apart, you pull away.

“I’m sorry, it’s against the rules. We can’t.” You try to pull away but his hands are firm around your waist.

“Rules are meant to be broken,” one hand came up to cradle your cheek. “What is the meaning for such a rule if it keeps people apart.”

“The team lost a member for a couple years because of it. Fury made the rule so that we won’t lose any more..” you can’t help but look at his lips but you shake your head. “No I’m not doing this right now... but shouldn’t we at least talk to him about it?”

“No time,” and with that his lips were on yours, devouring you. You moan as he licks your lip asking for entrance, and you oblige. His other hand comes up and he’s holding both sides of your face. You pull his waist closer to you.

You want so badly to continue, but you both were drunk, and you two can get in a lot of trouble with Fury. Actually you don’t remember seeing him drink all that much. Your hands travel up his sides to his shoulders and you try to push him away, but he won’t budge. You stop responding, your lungs feel like they’re gonna burst and you push harder. He finally relented, and you’re left breathing heavily. You were able to push him away as soon as the kiss breaks

You don’t have a chance to say anything before the door opens, revealing Thor, Sif, and the Warrior Three. Loki waves a hand in their direction and it’s as if you two don’t exist.

“They can’t see us but they will hear us if we get too loud. Or I should say if you get too loud.” He whispered in your ear. Which will probably be hard seeing as they all are basically shouting at each other through their conversation.

“Loki we are not doing this, I’m going to talk Fury first thing in the morning when we’re sober, maybe you won’t even want me in the morning. This is probably the alchohol talking,” you try to reason with him and you feel yourself quickly sobering up as this conversation progresses.

You back away from him but each step you take is matched with a step of his own until you bump into the table behind you. The table made a small sound as it skidded less than 6 inches, and your glass spilling over the side.

All five of them look your way and Loki clamps his hand over your mouth. Thor’s eyes darting all over the place.

“Who goes there?”

Loki has you sat upon the table now and he’s still looking around, and you’re too busy staring at him, hoping that he won’t see you, you don’t feel Loki’s other hand slipping down to your clothed heat. Once you did realize you tried pushing his hand away. Squeezing your thighs together.

You feel another pair of hands and you jerk, trying to free your arms. You look back and see another Loki, with the same dark look as the first. He pulls you to lay you down on the table. Keeping your hands firmly in place, while also still covering your mouth. He spread your legs despite your efforts, and stepped between them.

This never happened, you were a super soldier, how is he overpowering you like this? You know Thor has this godlike strength that is almost a match for the Hulk, but does that extend to Loki? Are Jotunns just as strong as Asgardians?

“Do you wish to be caught by my brother, Y/N? What would Fury think? You don’t want to be caught breaking the rules now, do you?” He leaned down to kiss your neck, peppering little pecks everywhere. You shake your head.

“Good girl.” The Loki holding your arms said, he uncovered you mouth and released your hands before he pulled his hard cock out of his pants. “Open up my sweets.” You reluctantly opened your mouth to have his slide his cock between your lips. You close your eyes, focusing on breathing through your nose as he keeps going deeper with each thrust. He’s holding your hands down again.

Loki’s hand is under your dress, rubbing you through your underwear. A small moan escaped you, muffled by his dick, and you can tell he felt it by the way his breath hitches. He is rubbing small tight circles in such the perfect rhythm, you begin to feel yourself slowing tensing up and he stops. You almost growl as he denied you even the climb, not letting anything build.

He brought his fingers to his lips, wetting them with his spit before he begins to lower himself to your sex, pulling down your panties as well.

You’re not disgusted with his behavior, though you should be. You were more ashamed of yourself, for letting this happen, for leading him on, for every action you made tonight that led to this, even for the fact that you are breaking the number 1 rule that was instilled by Bruce and Nat. But most of all because you are enjoying this. A cock in your mouth and a face between your thighs.

It is getting easier, but he is fucking your face with no mind to if you can handle it. Thrusting slow enough that the table won’t rock, but fast enough that your choking every second. He pushes all the way in holding you there for a couple seconds before he pulls out to let you breath. The action causing your eyes to water up until the tears begin to fall, ruining your mascara.

The first Loki kisses up your thighs slowly, so slow that it is torture and you feel a small heartbeat in your pussy with each kiss that’s climbing higher and higher. You’re holding in every noise that you can, for fear that you will be discovered. You’re only about 10 feet away from Thor for god’s sake. But you thank god that he has gone back to talking with his friends instead of investigating in your spilt drink.

You feel his cool breath breath over your cunt and you’re writhing beneath him, absolutely soaked. He places an open mouthed kiss on your clit, swirling his tongue over it in such a delicious way. Sucking and licking in all the right places, he lets go of your left thigh to insert a single finger into your heat, curling it just enough to hit that spot no one else can seem to find. The difference in temperature making everything just a little more unbearable.

Your legs are over his shoulders and you use them to pull him closer. He receives the message and uses more pressure on your clit, sucking it into his mouth harshly, causing you to arch your back and bucking your hips.

You moan, and it is loud, even through the other Loki’s cock in your throat. You feel the clones hand tightening around your wrists, he thrust deeper causing you to gag silently. You freeze and he doubles his efforts, as if he’s trying to get you two caught. He lets go of your hands and you grab the edge of the table. Needing some sort of stability. The second Loki’s hands going around your throat. Feeling his dick enter your throat, making it bulge with each thrust.

Their speech slowed for a few moments as if they’ll hear it again if they quiet down. Your grip on the edge of the table making it groan, so they are now completely silent listening for anything else. Looking in your general direction.

Loki inserts another finger and he is rubbing that spot with such expertise that it has you seeing stars. He’s sucking on your clit, and you don’t even see the edge before your tumbling over. You can’t control your moan this time, your grip on the table edge tightening so much that you hear cracking until two pieces come off. You’re too blissed out to care about the other people in the room.

“Reveal yourself!” Thor bellows, now angry at the fact someone is toying with him. He is storming towards the table; you drop the splintered wood on the ground, Loki’s clone is gone and you are now able to breath. He picks you up princess style and is swiftly taking you out of the room before Thor reaches the table you have just defiled. Phasing through the door so that you won’t be followed.

Your vision had already returned and there was a slight ringing in your ears when he sets you down to stand. Outside your room it would seem, as you’re now able to take in your surroundings. You can’t get a word in before he is pushing you against the wall, grinding into you, ravishing your neck and chest. You are a mess and your muscles feel like jello.

“Wait... wait! Loki stop!” You were getting your bearings again. Knowing well enough how much trouble you are getting into right now. You normally wouldn’t be a stickler for rules but Fury scares the shit out of you, and you’re kind of angry that Loki didn’t listen to you in the first place.

“Darling, I know how much you want me,” he grabbed your pussy roughly. He lets out a low groan that goes straight to your pussy, the need evident. “Gods, you are soaking. I doubt you want me stopping now, especially when just seconds ago you were mewling and writhing in pleasure.” Each word he’s saying is making you more wet by the second, and it’s because you know he’s right.

He’s now grabbing both of your legs and supporting you on the wall. You can clearly feel the bulge in his pants twitch. He is still leaving you breathless.

“Beg for me, beg for my cock in that sweet little cunt.” You can feel the pressure rising once more as the fabric feels so good against your bare pussy.

“Please, Loki, I need you.” He raises an eyebrow at you, “I need— I need your cock in my pussy. P-please” you let out a groan as you are so close to cumming again.

“That’s my good girl,” he kisses you as he barges into your room. Locking the door behind him. He sits in the bed with you in his lap and his arms snake up to the collar in the back, ripping it off of you, not paying any mind to the zipper he just broke. Your left in nothing but your bra and he rips that off of you as well. You would be mad, but you simply can’t think.

You begin pushing his blazer over his shoulders, but with a snap he is fully nude, and painfully hard and prodding your ass. You would get down to your knees, but he flips you when you tried shifting your weight. He has you pinned beneath him and he is rubbing your entrance with his cock.

“We’re you a good girl? Do you deserve my cock?”

“Yes. Yes, I’m a good girl, please. I need your cock” you’re writhing in pleasure and all you can think of is him. He has completely taken you over.

“Good girl.” He thrusts into to the hilt, giving you no time to adjust as he’s already started a steady speed. The pain adding to the pleasure, making your eyes water. You’re sure you looked wrecked.

He fondled your breasts, bringing his mouth down to your nipple as he tweaks the other. You take your nails down his back and he arches, grabbing your wrists and pinning them down with one hand, the other going to your throat again, giving a light squeeze before going to run your clit. The stimulation has you cumming in seconds, tightening around his dick. To which he growls, thrusting harder and overstimulating you. “Oh gods you are tight, such a responsive little thing.”

The feeling has your toes curling, he’s rutting into you much faster now, and he’s still rubbing small circles into your little bundle of nerves and it has you crying out once more as you cum again. You’re sure you’re screaming now, and you’re glad for the soundproofing Tony put in.

He situated the two of you so that you were on top, and you’re trying to ride him, needing him to just move, when you feel something cold on your asshole.

“No, Loki, I can’t.” You exhaled in a breathy moan as he inserts one finger slowly. Another clone has appeared since the one in front of you is tweaking your nipples and sucking hickeys onto your chest.

“Yes you can darling.” He over the blissed our look on your face. “Ah, beautiful.”

One finger becomes two, scissoring inside you, stretching you out. It feels so good, but you need more. Your clawing your fingers down his back once more and you receive a spank in return as the Loki you’re holding arches his back.

“Are you going to be a good girl and cum for me once more? Do you want my seed? You want me to fill you up?” He inserted a third finger and is thrusting them into you faster, one hand going to rub your clit.

“Please... plea-“ you can’t get out a full sentence, just blubbering nonsense.

“What was that?” He smirked, slowing down and grabbing a handful of your hair to pull your head back a little bit.

His actions pulled a sob from you, “plea... please, cum in me.. fill me up please, I’ll be a good girl, please.”

“Such a good little slut, begging for her holes to be filled.” He removed his fingers and slapped your ass then spreading your cheeks apart, making you moan for him. He pushes his cock in inch by inch, and it is torture. You feel so deliciously full, he let you adjust this time before both slowly beginning to thrust in and out of you. Never leaving you empty, they build a rhythm.

You feel the tension inside you you getting tighter as they rut into you. You can’t hold back any moans, not even as the second Loki brings his hand around to choke you, pulling you back till your head is resting on his shoulder. Your breasts jiggling with each thrust. He’s placing open mouthed kisses over your shoulder and neck before turning your head and kissing your lips successfully silencing you. The steady slap of skin now being the only sound in the room.

His tongue expertly invading your mouth, your tongue not even put up a fight for domination. He bites your lip tugging on it before resuming the kiss. Your hands clawing at his forearms.

They start going faster, and you can’t take it anymore when you cum again. They both slow down giving you a chance to collect yourself.

“Do not cum again until I say so.” He reaches one arm around you to rub your clit again. By then you are so sensitive are so close to cumming, but you hold back. “I expect us to cum together.” The one in front of you says.

You moan loudly, “please... I can’t. I can’t hold it.”

“Yes you can love,” he pulled your hair again, “and you will.”

You feel a mouth at your nipple again, tongue swirling around the peak before a small graze of the teeth. Fingers expertly tweaking the other nipple. Then he switches sides after the process.

The second Loki slaps your ass once.. twice.. three times, before holding your hips to keep the rhythm steady. The pleasure becoming too much and you think you’re about to explode. You’re holding onto him as if he’s your lifeline. Your hands traveling up his arms, around his neck and into his hair. You give it a small tug and it is met with a growl. His hips are stuttering though, so you hold out just a little bit longer. Their grunts and moans sound like heaven. His grip on your hips are for sure going to make bruises.

“Cum for me darling, now.” He practically growled, but you could barely hear it, already falling over the edge once more. He bites your neck as the other sucks on your sweet spot just above your collarbone, the pain mingling with the pleasure, cumming so hard that your vision goes black in the corners, your eyes filling back so hard it’s about to give you a headache. Feeling his warmth spill into your ass and pussy, creating aftershocks that have you twitching.

You collapse onto the first Loki and you know that you will feel everything tomorrow. Loki slowly pulls himself out of your ass, causing you to whimper. He stands up and goes to your bathroom, coming back with a warm wet wash cloth to clean you up with.

He winces as he wipes between your legs, which has you writhing. He also had a makeup wipe, washing away the mascara from your cheeks and the remnants of your makeup from earlier. He kissed your nose when your face is clean. The clone disposed of the wipe and rag and evaporated into the air.

“I apologize my sweets, I should have been gentler with our first time.” He gathers you up in his arms bringing you to lay down properly in the bed, under the covers.

Loki climbs in with you cuddling you close to his chest. You are still on top of him. Your eyes are weak, you are exhausted. His heartbeat lulling you to sleep. You realize his cock is still in you, you lift your hips but he shoves you back down harshly. Sending a jolt through you as you moan again.

“I want to be in you,” he pushed your ass down, causing him to go deeper and drawing a whimper from you. “All night.”

You nodded, nuzzling your face into his neck. Leaving one small peck before letting your eyes drift close. His hands rubbing up and down your back in a soothing gesture before coming to rest at your ass.

“We are so fucked.” You managed. He chuckled.

“Don’t you worry about Fury, my love. All is taken care of.” He kisses your forehead.

You snuggled further into him, getting comfortable, before you’re out like a light.

“You’re mine, and I’m not letting you go. Fury won’t take away what is mine.” Kissing your forehead reassuringly.

[lightneverfades]

Frostiron Holiday Wishes Challenge ❆ 🎅🎄Master Post! 

Thank you to all those who’ve submitted a prompt/wish and lovely artwork/fics for these wishes! Here is a compiled list of all the prompt fills received! :D <3 

Requester: @kimmycup Wish (Prompt/Idea): Invasion fic where Tony figures out Loki was mind controlled before Loki does: "But I WAS in control. Thanos didn't control me like I did Clint." "Yeah sure. And if you wanted to take over the world, what would you do?" Loki spluttered, fully aware that plan was dumb. Still, he would KNOW if he were controlled... Right? "But I wasn't mind controlled! It was me!"

❆ Fill: By @worstloki Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638613717830008832/

-

Requester: @brianadoesart Wish (Prompt/Idea): Cupcake shop au!!!  One of our boys owns a cupcake shop and the other one is a FREQUENT visitor to said coffee shop. Lots of people think its because they have a sweet tooth, but they're just hopelessly in love with whichever one owns the shop.

❆ Fill: By @worstloki Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638613402351239168/

-

Requester: @snarkyship Wish (Prompt/Idea): Human/no powers AU. Sort-of-enemies to friends to lovers.Tony rents this house/bungalow by the sea for the summer, with a kind of private beach where there is also a cute gazebo. Only that the gazebo is exactly halfway with the other property (by some mistake?). And the tenant of the neighbour bungalow is Loki, who's not so keen on sharing. So Loki&Tony will start a "war" to gain possession of the gazebo, doing their worst using the excuse of "this is my half, I can use it as I want". ((Optional: there is a table right in the middle, so at the beginning they sit at their own side glaring at each other, before starting deploying more convoluted tactics)).Mischief after mischief, they will start to know each other and of course everything will end with one of them inviting the other to their half for a romantic dinner and they'll end up sharing more than the gazebo <3((I hope it's enough clear and but also not too detailed??))

❆ Fill: By @worstloki Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638612819398606848/

-

Requester: @loufeysson​​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): Hi! my prompt is teenage Tony and android Loki in a futuristic universe (in the style of Black Mirror, maybe?) 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 Thank you!

❆ Fill: By @lightneverfades (yours truly haha!) Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638487122698010624/

-

Requester: @lightneverfades​  Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki is a yoga instructor and one day Tony goes to one of his classes and finds out the best positions to ‘relax’ - body, mind and soul >:D. (I love puns, so go crazy hahaha!) 

❆ Fill: By @snarkyship​  Link: https://snarkyship.tumblr.com/post/638415118181580800/

-

Requester: @martiszcz​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): Someone is trying to break them up by making Loki jealous, mentioning Tony's playboy years, talking about the time they slept with Tony, talking about how much time he spends with some friend (Pepper, Rhodey, I don't care who) but Loki doesn't react - they trust each other.

❆ Fill: By @snarkyship​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638434199159865344/

-

Requester: Nivael * Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki and Tony are in an established relationship. Things go great, but Loki is still unaccepting of his Jotun heritage and body. While Tony is completely fascinated by it, partly because Loki tries to hide it so hard. So he gets a fancy magical gadget from Strange (amulet, bracelet,...?) to be able to avoid frostbite so he can touch Loki even when he's in his Jotun form. Then there will be smut! :D

❆ Fill: By @snarkyship​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638434042873872384

-

Requester: @loufeysson​​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): Hi! my prompt is teenage Tony and android Loki in a futuristic universe (in the style of Black Mirror, maybe?) 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 Thank you!

❆ Fill: By @snarkyship​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638433959345274880/

-

Requester: @arandomsewer​   Wish (Prompt/Idea): I just want him to live on and being supported by his Friends and his brother recognizing him, that's basically the prompt. Tho here's the details of the Idea I had: Loki is living at the tower with the others (of course) too proud to say out loud how much he likes life on earth... The usual.Something happens and suddenly the magic that made him look Asgardian is just not working anymore. Understandably, he freaks out. Im talking hides in his room, crying, anger, hate, on himself and others... The whole lot, he just throws a major fit.The others know him and kind of understand and are patient... But it’s not getting fixed. Days pass, and he's stuck like this. After a while Tony snaps him out of It, and he slowly calms down and starts learning to accept this side of himself. It’s specially strange to him how he can just walk in a room and no one treats him different. How the others are even fascinated by this form. I expect Thor being shocked and curious and snapped at and reminded how he (and his people on general) have been unfair to Loki... And of course, there's the romance with Tony, Who loves him in all his forms (and they fit together 'cause he's kinky and Loki a shapeshifter)Also imagine Loki being terrified of touching Tony and then finding out he's cold to the touch but not actually dangerous (my headcanon: he's the son of Hella. Half giant and half Asgardian, and the actual heir... But that's for another fic)

❆ Fill: By @snarkyship​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638433872244326400/

-

Requester: @kimmycup​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki in Tony's MIT sweatshirt.

❆ Fill: By @snarkyship​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638403067804598272/

-

Requester: @worstloki​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): Tony and Loki both having panic attacks at the same time. just make it wild. whatever the reasons are, maybe it's the same reason? maybe they have shared triggers? maybe it's separate reasons? maybe the other avengers are around and don't realize the incoming attacks and keep bringing up bad memories? maybe one of them notices the other is freaking out and defends them? maybe drags them away only to also start having a panic attack? whatever. they're both freaking out and just kinda do that. they then bond over it. (this can be crack or angsty I don't mind)

❆ Fill: By @snarkyship​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638402945408499712/

-

Requester: @shinindragon​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): The Avengers + Loki fight a villain. Loki uses a lot of his magic, eventually almost draining his energy completely when he protects Tony from getting hurt. When the battle is over, they return to the tower, all of them exhausted. Tony notices Loki doesn't look well, he asks if he's okay. Loki barely gets a word out before he collapses into Tony's arms, unconscious. Thor carries Loki to Tony's and his bedroom, explaining to Tony that he'll be alright, it's just exhaustion from an excessive use of magic. Tony stays with Loki, taking care of him. Fluff and with a sprinkle of angst. 

❆ Fill: By @snarkyship​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638402848705675264

-

Requester: @blancoluna​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): Basically Friga wonders where she went wrong, asks the Oracle and goes on a guilt trip realizing she messed up to Valhalla and back. The idea is, being a queen-godess of family, she should be able to do something about it, maybe traveling in time or something... And Loki's gonna need powerful allies and Friends, like the Avengers, for example Now the same, but with detail. This is the way I imagined It. Perhaps it’s too much drama? I just don't know how to tackle It or how to go from here:After everything that happened, Frigga wonders where she went wrong, not just with Loki, but with Thor who didn't appreciate his brother, Odín, who treated him unfairly and even the servants, Who didn't respect him.She wonders if she could have done anything, and the guilt wont let her sleep until she goes to the well of wisdom, the Oracle, to seek answers.She is warned the truth may be even more painful. She may not like the answer... But she goes in.It is way worse than she thought: in one second she is reminded of all the times she should have acted, and chose not to, and she sees how It affected her family.She could and should have done something, and she had plenty of time, but at every chance she chose not to. And its perhaps worse than what Odin did because she knew It was wrong but chose to do nothing about It.But even more: It is confirmed to her that not only Odín never gave Loki a chance: he didn't find him. He stole him from the temple where he was guarded. He is not just the son of Louffey, but also of Hella, and thus, the actual heir to the throne of Asgard.She was supposed to be the godess of family, and here she was, consumed by guilt and shame, by having followed blindly a King Who abused her children and betrayed his own heir, aside from many other crimes.But Frigga can't just spend the test of eternity crying. She must do something. She was raised by witches!!Will she manage to get her hands on the time Stone? Or Will she just travel to another dimension to warn a younger version of herself? Will this be the beginning of a new multiverse? The possibilities are endless, when the godess of family must avenge her child...But first: for him to have a better Life he would need support, allies... Friends. (Enter the Avengers)

Add-on: Frigga having this vision was just meant to be a one shot that would connect many different alternative stories, all with the 'what if Frigga did something for Loki' as a common base. All of them would be Frostiron 'cause I honestly believe they are just meant for one another! It is just so open to so many possibilities... That I never got to writing any of them.

One of the first ideas I had following this concept was of Frigga introducing Tony and Loki early on somehow: as kids they would be like 'imaginary friends' then Tony manages to contact him and they are webcam buds... As young adults, they would help each other go a different path than they did in other lives.... and when Loki needed help, he had allies to back him. (The Avengers, whom Tony may have introduced to him earlier)

❆ Fill: By @snarkyship​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638402661807521793

-

Requester: @brianadoesart​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): A.... Among Us au.......  Impostor Loki protecting his crewmate friend Tony from the other impostors.... I..... Tony and Loki as Among Us beans...

❆ Fill: By @snarkyship​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638403011653353472/

-

Requester: @kimmycup​  Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki in Tony's MIT sweatshirt.

❆ Fill: By @shinindragon​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638390052569907200

-

Requester: @brianadoesart​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): A.... Among Us au.......  Impostor Loki protecting his crewmate friend Tony from the other impostors.... I..... Tony and Loki as Among Us beans...

❆ Fill: By @kimmycup​ Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638390059063803904

-

Requester: @brianadoesart​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): MERMAIDS. I like mermaids. Either a fic or art, but I just want more content of mer-Loki or mer-Tony.   I always enjoy versions where Loki is an underwater prince who falls in love with a stupid human inventor by the name of Tony. He's never been 100% happy in the palace with Thor and the others, so he often would go to the shore to watch the humans. He sees Tony working on the beach one day and becomes interested in him from there on. Basically a little mermaid type thing... I am easy to please. I just like mermaids.

❆ Fill: By @lightneverfades (yours truly haha!) Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638511932186525696/

-

Requester: @snarkyship​​ Wish (Prompt/Idea): Finally Tony has managed to locate Loki's whereabouts. And it turns out the godling lives in a pretty loft in Manhattan, with all the comforts and the most advanced midgardian technology ((lighting, temperature and everything controlled by a tablet - the Stark latest model!- , appliances linked to the wifi, and has that roomba a knife??)).Tony decides to have a little fun: who said Loki is the only one who can do a little mischief?? So he takes control over Loki's apartment hacking its system; he starts with some flickering lights, the roomba changing suddenly trajectory to stab him, then blasting music in the middle of the night and so on.And Loki would be so frustrated: at the beginning he thinks about some failure in the inferior midgardian technology, then he'll think to be under attack, but he can't feel any magic signature!! Maybe he'll freak out a little, because there is some kind of unknown entity??? ((And while he may be using all the technology without problems, it doesn't mean he fully understands its working)).Tony will have fun, but he also will discover some cute aspects of Loki's personality, like he sings to his plants and he likes to wear fuzzy socks ((ok it sounds voyeuristic, but Tony would respect part Loki's privacy, maybe he'll spy on him only when in the living room or kitchen)).((And maybe he would help Loki as well? Like, the godling had a nightmare after falling asleep on the couch, and Tony would gently woke him up with music))Loki will eventually understand that Stark, the most clever midgardian, was behind all of this, and well, he's the God of Mischief, he can appreciate a well planned trick. Time to return the favor ;)

❆ Fill: By @lightneverfades (yours truly haha!) Link: https://lightneverfades.tumblr.com/post/638390071764074496/

[samthemarvelfan]

Graveyard: Chapter 2

-Coming Up Empty-

Summary: How could someone who once held your heart, be so heartless?

Pairing: Loki Odinson x OFC

Warnings: Sexual language, innuendos, threatening, Loki is a dick. Degradation.

A/N: Flashbacks are italicized. This chapter gives a brief look into why our reader is feeling the way she is. Enjoy! <3

After your much-needed, albeit not exactly relaxing bath, you felt 1000 times better. The grime and filth that had cemented into your hair and under your nails was gone, and you began to feel like yourself again.

Loki had given you privacy to get ready for dinner with the Grandmaster which, in turn, kept you from punching him in the face.

You’re still shaken. Shaken from both this place and the God with whom you’re stuck. It’s like he’s erased you from his memory. All the time you’d spent together, the memories...it means nothing to him. He’d kill you, you know he would, if you got in his way.

You’d have to survive. Survive just long enough to get back to Asgard and help your people. Then you would strike, when the time was right.

The dress he’d created for you was stunning, and it fit you like a glove. The silk felt like a mother’s hug around your body. It’s deep emerald complimented your skin tone beautifully, there was a very, very high slit over your left leg, and a sweetheart neckline to enhance your bosom perfectly.

Compliments of the God of Lies, no doubt.

After doing what you managed to call styling your hair, you’d found a toiletries bag hidden in a cupboard. Comb, toothbrush, deodorant, perfume and a few other bits and bobs.

For a nutjob he’s pretty hospitable to his guests.

“I’m ready, let’s get this trip to hell over with.” You gripe, stepping out into his room with your hands on your hips.

Loki is stood by the door, and when scans your body, he smirks.

“And what, may I ask, is so funny?”

Loki simply grabs his cloak and throws it on. “Nothing. You look like the perfect little wench. Let’s go, we shouldn’t be late—I watched this man melt his cousin.”

After quickly gagging at that sentence, you pressed on.

The walk to the banquet hall is silent, as you’d expect. What in Odin’s name were you suppose to say? So, how are things since you murdered your father? Cast any fun spells as of late? Does my home—our home lay in ruin?

It was hard to believe there was a time when you’d have done anything for Loki. The memories make you retreat into yourself, to a time when you weren’t one of the fiercest warriors in all of Asgard...

...but to a time when you were his.

“If you even think about trying that move on me, Loki Odinson, I can assure you I’ll be more than happy to cut off your favorite horn.” You threaten, holding up a dagger.

Loki laughed, “Why would I want to do anything that might scar that pretty face of yours, Ellaria?”

You feel the heat rise to your cheeks. “Stop using my full name—you know I hate that.”

His daggers vanish into his sleeves, and stalks towards you slowly, keeping your gaze the entire time. When he reaches you, you look down and cross your arms, using the gesture like a shield from him.

Loki thumbs your cheek, “...and you know I think it’s a beautiful name, for a beautiful woman.”

The butterflies soar in your stomach. “Loki...” you warn meekly.

“Yes, darling...what is it?” He whispers, and cups your face with both hands.

“What if someone sees?” The words are barely audible, but they don’t have to be—they’re only for him.

He smiles softly, “Let them. One day, I will be King, and anyone who dares interfere with my heart will be for the sword.”

“Your Father—“

“My Father...” Loki starts hatefully, but he calms, and lets his hands fall from your cheeks to hold your own, “Even he cannot stop my love for you. No one can.”

The sound of a whistle brings you back to reality.

“Ooo-hoo! Someone certainly looks like they’ve been worn out.” It’s the Grandmaster—mere inches from your face.

When did we get here? And why the hell is this guy so theatrical?

Loki’s arm snakes around your waist, “Indeed. I’ve decided I’d like to keep this one, Grandmaster. If that’s acceptable. I quite enjoy having a pet around”

The sickening grin on his face is enough to make you wretch.

“Of course! It’s so rare that you find the perfect consort to satisfy. And she’s so put together, not used like all of mine. What a shame I didn’t get to her first. Topaz, isn’t it a shame?”

The surly beast of a woman is once again stood by his side. “Mmm.” She grunts.

An incredibly painful silence falls between the group of you, before Grandmaster speaks. “Where are my manners? Dinner is served, please take a seat anywhere.”

Loki grips your arm yet again, and you wince. He either doesn’t know his own strength, or he’d doing it purposefully because it hurts much more than it before.

“Sit.” He commands, pointing at a seat. Ever the gentleman, he pulls out his own, but not yours.

Asshole. You think loudly, and his gaze returns to you.

“I thought you’d be grateful, pet. Not many masters allow their whores to dine with them. Isn’t that right, Grandmaster?” Loki’s asks, not breaking your eye contact.

Ouch.

The insults flowing from his mouth are coming far too easily, almost as though to make them clear he means them.

He probably does mean them. You think.

The GM—your new nickname for him, is at the head of the table. “No way. In fact, most of my ‘pleasure providers’ eat off of the floor in the corner. I can have a server bring her—“

“No, no.” Loki assures, “I only mean to condition her, so she knows just how fortunate she is to have been found by such a benevolent God.”

Taking you’re seat, you feel everyone’s eyes on you. Why are you so bothered? You’re a warrior, tougher than half the men on Asgard. But right now you’ve been reduced to nothing; simply a whore in a nice dress.

The ravenous appetite you’ve had your entire stay on Sakaar vanishes. All the while Loki is seemingly basking in the adoration he received for being a ‘king’. No matter what degradation or humiliation was tossed your way, he simply smiled and agreed with them.

How could you? You think loudly, but you know you’d never get an answer. This Loki felt nothing; no remorse, guilt, or love—he’s empty.

The strain in your throat made your bottom lip quiver. No, Ella. You curse yourself. Not here, you will not be made to feel this way. Not by him.

The evening dragged on, and on...and on. You were starving by the end of it, regretting not eating earlier, but you refused to let anyone know that. Besides, would they care? You’re just a pet to them after all.

“So, will you and yours be joining us on the pleasure vessel? I hate to brag, but my orgies are known far and wide to be absolutely wild.” The GM says giddily.

Loki’s smile is one of obligation, “I’m afraid not. I have high standards, and she doesn’t meet them yet. I wouldn’t want her embarrassing me.”

That one knocked the wind out if you. You felt your eyes watering and had to bite back the tears. He doesn’t remember...or he doesn’t care too.

You want to go home. Back to the warmth of your bed. Where your people were, your friends...you want the life you once had back.

You want Loki to be Loki again.

Once back in Loki’s chambers, you head straight for the bathing room, ignoring his protests and snide commentary.

The overwhelming severity of everything hits you suddenly. Your hand flies to your mouth, muffling the sob trying so hard to escape your lungs.

You slide down onto the floor and weep. How long has it been since your cried like this? You couldn’t remember. Your body racked with grief as you attempt to come to grips with your new normal.

The Loki you knew is dead. The memories you have from all those life times ago mean nothing. You mean nothing—not to him.

The sound of footsteps getting closer to the door silent your sobs. You stand quickly, attempting to wipe away any evidence of your cry-fest.

Loki barges in, dressed in black silk nightwear. “Here, I had the servants bring you something to sleep in.”

You still haven’t spoken, or looked at him. Holding a hand out, you clear your throat. “Fine.”

He tuts, “Perhaps a ‘thank you, my liege’ is in order.” He’s jesting, you know he is. There’s no mistaking that tone.

But you don’t care, not right now. You look up at him with swollen, red eyes. “Thank you, sire. Would you like me to fawn at your feet? Perhaps do all of the unspeakable things you’ve allowed that psycho to presume I’ve been doing, hm?”

Loki is almost taken aback by the state you’re in. “Ellaria,” he says in a tone you hadn’t heard in years. Warning, but not threatening.

You cry out. “I’m not your whore! You’ve known me our whole lives, and yet you degrade me and humiliate for sport. You allow these people to believe you’d have no problem discarding my body once you’ve gotten all you can get out of it.”

His face is unreadable as always. His emotions are in complete control, as is his tone. “You are all of those things here,” He says harshly. “It would do you well to remember that.”

Your heart, along with whatever scrap of care or hope you had for him, breaks.

 Loki—your Loki, is truly gone.

“Dress. You need to sleep.” He mumbles, leaving you to it.

The tears return, if only for a moment. You let out a long sigh, and will your self the strength to get through this hell.

Once dressed in your sleepwear—a black, silk nightgown, you exit the bathing room to see Loki laid up in his bed. Content as ever.

You’d searched the room and spotted a chair across from the windows. That’ll have to do. You lay across it as best you can, not fitting entirely, but enough so only your lower legs hung off.

Still better than a cell floor.

“What are you doing?” Loki calls, his eyes still closed.

You ignore him, and shut your eyes as well.

“Answer me. I don’t like repeating myself.”

You sigh, “I’m going to sleep. Leave me alone.”

You twist on the chair, attempting to find some kind of comfortable relief, but there isn’t any. You both know it.

“Come here. Now. Do not test my patience again.” He commands.

You stand, walking to the foot of his bed. “What now? What could you possibly have left to say to me?”

Loki’s nostrils flair, “You may join me.” He gestures to the bed.

You scoff. “No thanks, I’d rather take the floor.”

You spin around, about to settle into the carpet, when you’re suddenly scooped up and thrown onto the bed.

“Loki! Stop it!” You shout.

He ignores you, and get in as well. You scoot as far away as you can go.

“Sleep. You need your rest.” He says quietly, throwing an arm over his eyes.

You wish you could hide the content sigh that escaped you, but this bed was heaven. Soft, warm, and so big. You could spend days here just recovering on all the sleepless nights you’d had.

“Next time food is presented to you, you will eat.” Loki warns, “I don’t need you withering away to nothing...not when I need you.”

Damn curiosity got to you. “What do you need me for, Loki?” It comes out like a whisper, but you couldn’t have mustered more strength if you tried.

He chuckled lightly, “You, my dear pet, are going to help me get back my crown.”

tagging:

@jessiejunebug @babyboybucky

[lokihzra]

My Heart’s On Fire For Your Love

Chapter 6: one word and it’s over

Summary: Only a lucky few happen to find their soulmates. It was so rare that it became a myth. So why did Tony find an L on his wrist a couple hours after Loki threw him out a window and why did he agree to Loki and Thor moving in the tower?

May 17th, 2012

Tony woke up with a jolt of pain shooting through his back and ending in his head and legs. He shot up in bed, heaving from the blinding pain leaving his legs slightly numb. He groans as he swings his legs over the bed, the tingling becoming like little needles as his feet hit the floor. He powers through it and pushes himself up, grabbing his phone off of the nightstand and managing to make it to the bathroom without his knees giving out.

It wasn’t bad, he’s experienced worse but it was more annoying, the tingling in his legs and back, the numbness was annoying. He leans back against the counter and pulls the back of his shirt over his head, he doesn’t look as he opens his camera on his phone and quickly takes a picture of his back in the mirror.

It was probably only a bruise from Loki and Thors fight, maybe really bad bruises. Maybe when Thor pushed Loki back into the floor he broke skin?

It could’ve been a lot of things, he expected maybe a broken bone but when he looked at the picture the only thing that stopped him from throwing up right there was his hand slapping over his mouth as he turned around and heaved into the sink. 

He was completely numb as he puked and puked for what felt like hours. It was like a bad hangover, the hangovers that made him consider going to the hospital. The ones where he couldn’t sleep, eat or even drink anything, he would do nothing but throw up, shake and sweat to attempt to get the alcohol from his body. And just like the bad hangovers he was praying to every god he could think of to make this stop.

A couple minutes later it did.

He quickly washes down his mess, making sure not to look at it, afraid to make himself sick again and he notices his phone isn’t in his hand. He lets out a shaky sigh as he steps back from the counter, ignoring his shaking knees as he spots his phone by the counter and his knees almost give out as he picks it up. He swallows down the fear pulling at his organs as he turns the phone back on, not even caring about a new crack in the screen as he stares down at the picture.

It was bad, so fucking bad. Red, yellow, blue and purple on tan skin. It was like a fucking rainbow, Red scabs, pink irritated skin, yellow surrounding the gashes, blue and purple mixing together making his back look like the night sky. An ugly night sky.

He couldn’t do this, he could barely look at Loki’s scars everyday and pretend it was fine, this, this he can not fucking do. He needs to know, who did this and why Loki won’t fucking tell anyone about it. Sometimes Tony hates being so fucking nice, thus why he was an asshole all the time but shit like this, he can’t stand by and do nothing.

“Let’s hope god is on our side for once” is the first thing Loki hears as he enters the common floor and he can’t help but say “there is no god”. His face falls slack as he stares at the Avengers, expecting ridicule.

Unsurprisingly Tony says “you may be my new best friend” with a smirk “hey how do you feel about the government?”

Loki frowns as he grabs a cup from the thing called a dishwasher, Midgardians baffle him with their laziness. “The people that thought they could keep me in a prison made for mortals?” he asks as he turns around goes to the coffee pot

“Yeah them”

“Arrogant, annoying, think way too highly of themselves” Loki deadpans as he pours creamer in his coffee

“That’s called a god complex” Natasha states, making the brothers frown.

“Okay” Loki deadpans as he continues making his coffee “we need to go to Asgard today Thor”

Immediately Thor protests “no, we talked about this yesterday” he says sternly and Loki glares “Father would not hesitate-”

“You think I can’t protect myself from him?’

“Speaking of-” Tony interrupts as he gets and pulls Loki along with him to the balcony “-I need to talk to you”

Loki rips his arm from Tonys grip but follows him out anyways “Pardon me but what the fuck?” he asks harshly as they get outside “I told you to stop this”

“Don’t swear it doesn’t match you”

“Beiskaldir” Loki retorts and Tony ignores his breath hitch.

He quickly shakes it off “I woke up this morning from pain shooting through my back” Tony states and he sees Loki’s jaw tighten just slightly “who was it from?”

Loki glares before turning around “none of your business” he growls and despite that Tony still grabs his arm and spins him back around.

“I hate you, I really fucking do but that doesn’t mean I can just sit by and do nothing”

Loki’s glare fades into something unreadable, something that makes guilt tug ans twist Tonys organs “what did I tell you before Stark?”

“I know what you told me and I don’t care. I care about who did this to you and why?”

Loki sighs and turns back around saying "Let me heal it and I will tell you”

“Won’t it heal if you heal?”

Loki keeps walking, “you have my bruise” he states, giving Tony a shrug before going back inside and Tony can’t help but touch his cheek where Loki is sporting a reddish bruise before heading back in and he regrets not jumping off the damn balcony. “how long have you guys even been bonded?” Steve asks with a frown, Tony who stops in his tracks nearly yells as he snarls “eight fucking days now quit interrogating me”

Steve huffs before saying “this is soulmates, you guys are bonded-“

“yeah I know Steve you keep fucking reminding me” Tony interrupts harshly as heads to the bar, not acknowledging Loki as he stands beside him and makes a drink, he felt awkward, having Loki’s wounds on him but he ignores it and asks “this is why you wanted to go to Asgard?”

“yes” Loki deadpans as he pours sugar in his coffee, he quickly grew a liking to it and considered taking some home. If he ever could go home.

Thor butts in from his spot beside Steve “I can ask mother and father to-“

“no” Loki says sternly, “do not tell him, mother yes, father no. Got it?” Odin would surely kill them both if he knew, probably Thor as well for not telling him but Thor is his favourite and Loki doesn’t know Odin as well as he thought.

Thor cowers away with a quiet “okay” going back to shoving pancakes down his throat.

“How are you the older brother?” Clint asks with a laugh

Loki can’t help but spit “and how are you so useless?”

Clint glares at him, unknowingly satisfying Loki while he retorts “how are you so fucking annoying?”

“how are you so weak?”

“how are you so self-destructive?”

Loki scoffs “you have not seen self-destructive Barton”

“Loki” Thor says lowly, telling Loki not to go there. He couldn’t take it, not after getting Loki back.

Loki goes back to his coffee, dumping a bit too much creamer in as he says “told you Barton I’ll always win” Loki sees Tony from the corner of his eyes, hiding his smirk in his cup as he takes a sip and goes to sit back down.

“you did not win that” Barton says immediately and Loki has to resist laughing at the desperation in his tone.

“I got the last word” Loki informs him “I won so don’t even start again” Loki demands as he sees Barton open his mouth to say something but quickly snaps it shut but he quickly says “you’re an asshole” Clint hisses as Loki sits in an armchair near his brother and Steve. Loki sighs, taking a sip of his coffee while he thinks.

You do need their trust.

“I didn’t want to do anything that I did, that doesn’t justify it or make up for it I’m very aware of that but I’m also aware that you despise me and I don’t blame you Barton” Loki admits, swallowing down his pride before continuing “I’m saying this with complete sincerity, I am sorry for controlling you and for making you endure my pain and I respect you for staying sane through it all” Loki resists the urge to smirk at Bartons frozen form.

“You never apologize” Thor accuses.

Loki rolls his eyes as he looks over at his brother “then it should prove something, should it not?”

Thor hums before changing the subject “any requests?” he asks “any specific questions you want answers to? Belongings? I’ll get them, anything you want” Thor says quickly making Loki frown but he doesn’t question it as he conjures up paper and a quill, knowing Thor will forget everything he requests.

“a feather and ink” Natasha hums

“real space vikings” Tony finishes and Loki ignores them as he continues writing.

“what do you guys use to write? other than computers?” Thor asks, or more so challenges them.

“pens” Bruce says “like normal people”

“okay” Loki scoffs as the quill vanishes with a single thought and he folds up the paper into what Midgardians call a paper airplane and throws it at Thor, “read that and I will burn you” Loki threatens as the paper flies inches from Thor's head and he doesn’t even flinch.

“I will stab you” Thor replies immediately

“try it Thumb” Loki snarls with a smirk, seeing that glint in Thors eyes as he leans forward and spits back with just as much venom as Loki “no problem Lucky”

Natasha interrupts them “weren’t you guys just fighting the other day?”

Loki raises a brow and decides to take a trip down memory lane “he incapacitated me for weeks and hours after he came to see me asking if I wanted to go ride the horses and cried when I said I couldn-“

“I did not cry” Thor cries

“yes you did”

“Ah brotherly moments” Tony hums “beautiful” he finishes with a smile and a clap of his hands.

“you cried when I broke my leg” Thor deadpans.

Loki quickly complains “I wasn’t even 250 years yet” he says, knowing it’s completely normal for a child that age to cry for their older brother.

“how fucking long is that?” Tony asks loudly.

“here I would’ve been four” Loki says quickly, turning back to Thor only for Clint to ask “how old are you guys now?” Loki sighs loudly, hating questions and Thor thankfully, knows it and answers for him.

“twenty-six and twenty-two I think?” Thor looks to Loki for confirmation and he nods instantly “our birthdays are in October and December”

“how do you know?” Natasha asks “I thought Asgards time works differently?”

“years ago our father would gift us of going with him on his travels around the nine realms”

“as a birthday present?” Natasha asks and Thor nods “damn my birthday presents were weapons”

Loki blurts “we got those as well”

“I still have my first dagger” Thor says proudly “and my first hammer it’s tiny-“

“Thor” Loki interrupts, dead serious as he says “no one cares”

“Is it just-”

Tony fucking snaps “jesus fucking christ Rogers can you shut the fuck up?” Tony roars, his veins burning with anger and he doesn’t even care that Bruce is sitting right beside him “all you fucking do is talk about this soulmate bullshit and I’m fucking sick of it”

Steve gulps before saying “I’m worried about you”

“Well stop!” Tony yells again “stop caring about me, stop worrying about me. Just fucking stop”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make things harder”

Tony scoffs, but it wasn’t bitter like usual “Oh I know you don’t” he says lowly “because you help people, you try to make things better -god my dad would not stop talking about you” Steve frowns at that but doesn’t say anything, making Tony let out a bitter scoff followed by a laugh “you may think you’re trying to help me but really you’re just fucking annoying me”

“I’m so-“

“stop” Tony yells again “stop apologizing, stop being so fucking nice to me” he says quickly before getting up and heading to the elevator “jesus fucking christ take me now”

“You’re intoxicated” Loki states with a raise of his brows as Tony stumbles in his room.

“Not as drunk as I should be” Tony slurs slightly as he leans against the dresser “you said you’d tell me if I let you try and heal it”

Loki nods, looking back down at his book “yes I remember”

Tony frowns, just by the tone of his voice Tony knew Loki was fucking around “tell me first and then I’ll let you heal it”

Loki looks at him, putting down his book and sitting up properly now “we don’t know if it will heal” Loki states “so I’m not telling you until after I try”

Tony presses his lips together and turning around, he pulls the back of his shirt up and flinches slightly when he feels that same warmth he felt when Loki was healing his cuts and he knows it’s working, he doesn’t have to ask because the uncomfortable pain is gone, the tight skin that felt like the scabs were ripping open with every move, gone.

Loki hums as he steps back “it worked”

Tony instantly drops his shirt “what about yours?” he asks as he turns around and in reply Loki reaches behind himself and a second later he nods.

“Gone” he says happily as he drops his hand.

Tony can’t help but smirk and Loki’s happiness instantly fades “Who did this to you? Or us-you?” Loki doesn’t say anything for a moment and it makes Tonys heartbeat pick up, he still says “you promised you’d tell me”

Loki sighs harshly, not taking his eyes off of Tony as he finally blurts.

“Odin”

[justjessame]

Glorious, Before the Burden - The Mourning ~ 12

When I was very small, and had first come to live under Frigga’s careful eye and maternal wing, when the rooms I was given felt all wrong and the garden called to me no matter where I was within the walls of Odin’s grand kingdom - I had a playmate.  

I’d been in the hall, where feasts were held and where we dined when there were too many to use the more intimate rooms that allowed for quieter conversations.  The weather was too bad for me to wander in the garden and Frigga had given me freedom to find my own recreation while she attended to queenly matters that my small self would find far too boring.  The library held no inspiration, my rooms the same nothingness, and so I found myself in the hall.  

There she was - a tad larger than me, but around the same age, perhaps.  Her long hair was dark, and her eyes were snapping and intelligent.  Her smile was warm and she looked as though she were waiting just for me.  

“There you are,” she said, and I bit my lip, shy and a bit frightened.  “Well come along, Sigyn, I haven’t all day.”    

“How do you know my name?” My head had tilted, much like the hunting hounds when they were confused by something one of their masters commanded.  “I’ve never seen you before.”  

Her smile grew, knowingly and not at all surprised by my confusion or my caution.  “I’m Sylvie, and we’re going to be the very best of friends.”  

I jerked awake, having fallen asleep at the table that I was using as my desk, the laptop coming alive as I woke up.  The memory was so vivid, so clear that I yearned to crawl back into my dream and live in it a while longer.  

Sylvie - I hadn’t thought of her in so long that I’d almost convinced myself I’d imagined her.  How clever and mischievous she’d been, how quick to disappear when we’d hear anyone coming - a small gadget in her hand and she’d hold her finger to her lips and with a quiet giggle she’d vanish.  

She taught me how to sneak out of my rooms and get to the gardens after dark - so I could have the peace I craved so desperately.  And I showed her what Frigga taught us about magic. She was so thirsty for it that I asked her why she didn’t join our classes, but she would just tell me that she preferred my company over others.  

Play and companionship entwined so easily, and it went on and on.  No one else seemed to see her or know her.  And I felt so special for that.  Sylvie had chosen ME over all others.  And I had her for my very own.  

Until she stopped coming.  Days turned into weeks, which turned into months, then years - and then Frigga gave me my trip to Midgard with Loki and the rest -  

I never forgot Sylvie, I simply thought she was nothing more than a childhood dream - an imaginary friend for a very unhappy child.  

What if she wasn’t?  

If I was learning anything from the knowledge of who and what I truly was, it was that my dreams were not simply dreams.  My memories were not simply memories.  Everything was pointing to - what was Sylvie pointing to?  

Tempting though it was to sit at the laptop and keep trying to find a path forward, a bath and my bed were both calling to me.  And if I’d learned nothing else, LISTENING to what my body and mind wanted was something that I most definitely needed to do.  Turning off the lights as I went through the cottage, I thought of the moments I spent with Sylvie -

“But HOW does it work?” She’d ask me, as we sat face to face with our legs crossed under us in my hidden spot in the garden.  “When you want to change the colors of the blossoms, they just CHANGE, Sigyn.”  Her brow was furrowed and her face had taken an elfin tint.  

Biting my lip, I considered how Frigga would explain it.  I took a deep breath and opened my hand, palm up.  “If you want to change something,” she was focused on my face, not my hand, so I glanced at it and smiled when she rolled her eyes and focused on my palm with a sigh.  “As I was saying, if you wish to change something, you have to focus on not only the thing you wish to change, but also what aspect you want to change about it.”  While I spoke a tiny flower blossomed in the center of my hand, pure white and slowly forming, I waited until it filled my hand.  “What’s your favorite color?” 

“Green,” it came fast and I giggled.  “What?”  

“You want me to turn a flower green?” Her eyes locked on mine and she arched an eyebrow with such careful and perfect precision that I was both impressed and jealous.  “It’s just that normally the leaves are green -” I held out my other hand to her.  “Take my hand, please.”  Sylvie took it as easily as she gave her favorite color, without hesitation.  “Ready?” She nodded.  “Alright, focus on the flower AND on the color, put all that focus on into your will and then I’ll help you push it forward, alright?”  

“Will I -” her nose wrinkled as she considered her question.  “Will I be able to FEEL it?”  

“Yes,” at least I hoped she would.  “Ready?”  Another nod and then her eyes left mine to focus on the flower.  “Focus.  And breathe.”  She’d gone so still I wasn’t sure she was inhaling, and passing out wouldn’t get the job done either.  As she focused, I could see it, the color and the flower, as she saw it - the green wasn’t as dark as the leaves or grass we sat on.  It was light, familiar, but - I could feel her trying to push it and I helped her - when she gasped I knew it worked.  “See?”

Her smile was so bright that I felt incredibly powerful for the very first time, powerful and as if perhaps I was worthy of my place in Frigga’s regard AND as Sylvie’s friend.  

My baths weren’t nearly as decadent as they once were, and it wasn’t because Midgard was lacking or even because my small abode was somehow too quaint to offer me the amenities to allow for it.  I couldn’t take a bath that reminded me of home, not when I didn’t need help remembering the slightest hint of my life before.  There would be no lavender or chamomile added, no mint or -  I could be brought low by a whiff of any of the ingredients that combined to make the unique scent that told me my husband was close by, not when he was so far out of my reach.  

I made due with honeysuckle and rose scents, sweet and light with no threat of tugging me back into my past - with no reminder of my failures. 

Soaking and relaxing, I wondered where Sylvie had gone.  I’d touched her, so she had to be real.  Witch or not, I couldn’t manifest a completely imaginary being from thin air.  She’d always pulled a small pad, not far removed from the cell phones that everyone here seemed so attached to, and then she’d walk through a sort of door before anyone could see her.  

She wouldn’t entertain any questions about where she went, only assuring me that she was Agardian - a fact I knew to be true given her garments and well - she just WAS.  And she felt so familiar to me, as if I was supposed to know her.  

Where was she now?  Had she met some terrible fate or had she learned all she could from me and found the path to whatever she was trying to find?  

Going to bed was still something of a game of chance.  

I could fall into a dream that would give me memories of a better time - loving Loki, playing and teasing - or simply reading while we sat together, finding contentment in just being with one another.  

Or I could be tortured by what came later - when we stopped seeing each other and communicating the same way - or even more terrible, another visit to his prison, where he’d see the wraith that I had to assume the cell was magicked for him to see me as should I somehow find my way through to him.  Impotent to get past his pain and guilt at a suicide that didn’t happen, he wouldn’t HEAR me, not when his eyes were seeing the nightmare they were forced to see - a form of torture devised to make such visits unbearable for both of us.  

Reading delayed the inevitable, but with the amount of time I spent on the laptop and my bath, it didn’t quite delay it long enough.  The lamp was off, and as I drifted to sleep I hoped that perhaps I wouldn’t have to see the bad, that I could force only the good to surface.  

Loki drenched and wearing an outfit that I’d never seen him in - surrounded by, were they soldiers - outside in a terrible storm.  Tall and even in the heart of what appeared to be a storm of epic proportions, he looked unfazed.  Inside a building, and with a flick of his head he was dry as a bone, hands in his pockets and so sure that I could have giggled.  

“What the hell was that?” A large woman, looking vaguely unnerved by his quick dry trick asked.

“That was me, using magic to dry my clothes.” Looking like he was bleeding patience, I felt rather proud of him.  “So I don’t announce myself with every squeaky footstep like the rest of you.” 

Who were these people? Why was my husband with them?  I watched as they discussed things that made no sense, words that I understood the meaning of, but not the context in which they were being used.  Variant, prune, and on and on.  I watched the scenes unfold, working to make sense of them -

Were these people being possessed?  Loki talking to someone as Loki? Confusion reigned as he fought a man, then the woman soldier, then on and on and on.  But then, as I felt like I was losing the threads and completely baffled, SHE arrived.  Taller, older, with shorter, lighter hair, but her eyes were the same - Sylvie?  

“This isn’t about you.” She was looking at Loki - and I had a feeling he wasn’t MY Loki - but it felt like she was staring at me.  

Then she stepped through the glowing doorway, just like she had when we were children - she disappeared and Loki -this version anyway - took a look behind him at the people he’d arrived at this stormy place and followed her through. 

[heartbreak-of-a-marauder]

Through the Rabbit Hole (2)

Part Two: The Trickster

Pairing: Loki x fem!reader

Summary: You give Loki a piece of your mind for New York and its fall out, but things aren’t as you thought.

Word: 2,335

Notes: Angst +++ Weirdly had a lot of fun writing this part... y/n = your name, y/h/c = your hair colour, y/e/c = your eye colour, b/f/n = best friends name. If you haven’t read part one STOP NOW and go do that:

<- 2 ->

~*~*~*~*~

New York, 2012

It was the penultimate day of your week-long holiday in New York and after days of sightseeing and shopping, you were glad to finally have a rest day. The restaurant you and your best friend picked today had a fresh but quirky vibe and your window seat gave you a fantastic view of the New York skyline. You chatted happily with b/f/n as you waited for your food to be served.

“Will you take a picture of me y/n?” b/f/n asked, both of you had saved for this trip for so long, at every opportunity you were taking pictures to remember these moments forever.

“Sure,” you pull out your phone and aim the lens at b/f/n. “Move slightly to the left, you’ll have Stark Tower in the back then.”

B/F/N followed your instruction and scooted over slightly. You grin as the camera focuses on your friend, you just knew they’d be bragging about for weeks. You snap a couple of shots before repositioning the phone for a different view, your thumb hovers over the button as you see a beam of blue light shoot into the sky from Stark Tower.

“What the heck?” you say absently, lowering the phone to stare out of the window, your friend turns as well to see what you’re looking at.

Other patrons in the restaurant also begin to notice just as an ink-black cloud begins to brew, expanding with supernatural speed; distorting the sky. Your frown deepens as when dark specks begin to fly out of it at speed. Some break off, heading in different directions in small arrow-shaped formations. Some specks explode as the descend, others are firing purple beams of light, you rise out of your seat not 100% sure that what your seeing is real.

You are so close to the window that your breath frosts the. One of the purple beams makes contact with a space a few floors above you. The glass shudders violently while the building moans in protest.

“What the fuck is that!” b/f/n shouts. Your stagger back thinking the same thing.

“Get away from the window!” you shout, panic rising in your chest as more shots connect with the building.

A woman behind you screams as a serpent-like creature descends from the cloud, its shrill shriek makes you cringe.

“We need to get out now,” b/f/n turns back to look at you, their face frozen in fear. You nod robotically, your eyes never leaving the window.

The world around you seemed to slow as the specks got closer, firing shots at random. You look back at b/f/n, screaming their name, reaching out for them just as the glass behind them shatters spraying the room with shards. The force of the blast throws you backwards. You crash onto your back hitting your head against the concrete, the force of the impact knocks the breath from your lungs as your vision swims. Dizziness and nausea assault you as you try to move, looking desperately for b/f/n. Dark spots dance across your vision when you finally locate their face. Their eyes are wide, and unblinking, a red puddle slowly expanding around their head.

“B/F/N?” you whisper just as everything goes black.

Today

You had woken up in the hospital a day or so later to learn that not only was your best friend dead but that Loki had led the attack. You had always wondered why he had attacked. What had happened to the gentleman you had known to become so twisted and spiteful that he was prepared to rain hellfire down on humanity.

But now, here you were, six years later, stood in the same courtyard you had first met Loki all those years ago. It hadn’t changed in the slightest, except this time there was no one waiting for you. The quiet made you feel out of place and unsure of yourself.

Now you were here you didn’t know what to do. Loki was probably incarcerated deep in the heart of the palace.

‘Good. Lock him up and throw away the key.’ You thought

It had taken a lot of courage to go back through that portal but now you were here you knew it was somewhat of a wasted journey. If you were discovered you knew you would likely end up in the dungeons too, after all, no mortal was supposed to be able to travel to Asgard.

Determination settled deep in your bones, you knew it was unlikely that you could give Loki a piece of your mind but that didn’t mean you couldn’t give it to someone else. Someone higher. His father perhaps.

You made your way out of the courtyard retracing your steps from memory, everything you passed looked the same as when you had last seen it. Loki had only taken you to certain parts of the castle, always making sure to keep you out of sight of other Asgardians. You stopped in the middle of a crossroads of hallways with no idea where you were supposed to be going.

If you were to be caught by Palace guards they might take you to the Allfather.

Turning around you went back the way you came until you found yourself with your nose nearly touching the doors to one of Loki's favourite places; the library. You tentatively place your palms on the ornate doors, there was bound to be some decrepit old librarian lurking about in there. But you made no effort to open them.

You struggled against the memories that began to seep into your mind, happy memories of the hours you and Loki spent in this room as he read to you.

"Y/n?" A voice whispers incredulously from behind, making you jump out of your skin.

You stand frozen for a moment, the sound of his velvety voice bringing back long-buried feelings. Remembering why you came you let your anger and grief swallow them up.

Turning slowly you face Loki. His hair had grown but he looked the same as last time you saw him. His porcelain skin and chiselled features hadn’t changed, but his chest seemed broader and his carefree demeanour was gone.

‘Of course, it’s gone, he’s a megalomaniac’

He wasn’t the same man you had fallen in love with, you had wondered if he had ever been that man or if it was just one of his tricks.

“Loki.” Your voice is cold and distant.

“You came back,” disbelief echoed in his voice. “I never thought you- it’s been years, I thought I would never see you again.” He admitted shyly, sounding almost hopeful.

You kept the anger and upset you felt in the forefront of your mind and let it bloom hotly in your chest. It would help with what would come next, you couldn’t allow yourself to feel anything different, you owed it to b/f/n not to forget.

“Yes, well, New York nearly made sure that I would never see anyone again.”

He baulked at you. Guilt and shame gnawed at his insides and a slight sadness took over his once optimistic expression. He had endured anger from Odin and disappointment from his mother with relative ease, but seeing the hurt he had caused in you very nearly broke his heart. The venom in your voice began to poison the hopes and daydreams he had conjured of you during your absence.

“You were in New York?” he asked quietly avoiding your eyes.

“Along with someone I loved very dearly.” You snap, emphasising every word.

“I had no way of knowing-“

“Bullshit!” you hiss.

“You never came back. I had no idea where you had gone.” His expression was stoic as he defended himself.

“You led an invasion party against us! Conquering New York would’ve just been the beginning and you know it!” You shout incredulously and watch Loki cringe as he understands your original meaning.

“The attack was a mistake I shall never stop paying for…” He admits quietly after a while. The sincerity in his voice was unprecedented. “… Forgive me Y/N, never in my wildest dreams had I imagined you would be hurt because of my foolishness.” He had taken a careful step towards you.

Hot tears burned your eyes and blurred your vision. You blinked quickly willing them away, he did not get to make you feel guilty for your words. You had come back to Asgard with a plan. You didn’t have time to be overcome by silly teenage emotions.

Yet there you were feeling overwhelmed by the man stood in front of you, the speech you had prepared was being forgotten with each passing moment.

“Keep your lies and excuses for someone who actually cares Loki.”

“Silver-tongued I may be, but I have never lied to you Y/N.” His stance shifted to one of defence, he had been stung by your words.

“How can I believe you? Why would I believe you! You set out to destroy my world, you murdered hundreds of innocents in the process.” Your breath comes out harder as you go on. “You should be rotting away in a cell for what you did, not walking around like some dandy, but I suppose because you’re royalty it's okay because daddy’s there to defend you.” You say spitefully.

“Why did you do it? You’re a fucking Prince, you had the world on a silver platter! What? Did you get bored, is that it?” you ask rhetorically. “Did mummy and daddy not pay you enough attention?” your intentions are cruel as you aim to hit a nerve.

Your thoughtless comments and accusations raise Loki’s hackles and in two long strides, he was toe to toe with you. So close you could smell him.

“I had my orders.” His voice was harsh but strained, your brows knit together as you process what he had just said.

Orders? Someone had sent him to attack earth? Why?

“So what! If someone tells you to stick your hand in a fire pit, you do it?” You try to regain the upper hand in the conversation knowing that if you let him speak, you would listen. “What backwards fucking logic is that?!”

“The kind that keeps you alive.” He hisses down at you.

There it was; the crack in his beautiful façade. He sighs heavily and just like a deflated balloon his shoulders sag and he drops his head. His forehead just a hairsbreadth away from yours.

“They threatened to kill you if you didn’t go through with it?” Your previous vehemence was gone, an unknown expression flashes across his face

“I have paid for my treachery.”

“Loki, who-“ Your press.

“‘Who’ does not matter anymore little one” he diverts.

“Of course it does, what if they try again, we-we need to be prepared.” You speak hurriedly, remembering the terror you felt in New York, you drive your hands through your hair, pulling it at the root.

“No.” There’s a tone of finality in his voice.

“What do you mean ‘no’? Loki, who sent that army? If you’re here you can’t know that they won’t try again!” the muscle in his jaw ticks.

“Your precious avengers have proved themselves ready and worthy of dealing with him, you do not need to worry little one.”

“Stop changing the subject!” you cry exasperated. “I was there Loki! I saw those things and what they did.” You place your hands on his chest willing him to pay attention to what you were saying.

“You don’t need to worry-“

“Loki,” you start, preparing to launch into another rant but he cuts you off.

“Enough y/n! Please…” his voice sounds broken as he begs.

“What did they do to you?” You ask softly.

When he doesn’t reply you begin to remove your hands from his person when he reaches up and captures your wrist, holding it against his chest. His grasp sends heat through your veins inviting your teenage fantasies in. You knew that deep down you still harboured feelings for the God, and all of these revelations had your defences crumbling.

“You don’t need to know little one.” His tone is as soft as yours had been and his smile sad.

The sound of footsteps and metallic clinking bursts your little bubble as you both remember where you are stood. Keeping a hold on your wrist he begins to drag you through the Palace, you glance around and realise you’ve never seen these parts before. You have to jog a little to keep up with his pace.

“Loki, where are we going?” you ask breathlessly, pulling against him trying to slow his pace.

“Somewhere a little more private little one,” for the first time you frown at his old pet name for you.

“No.” you state resolutely, pulling your arm out of his grasp.

“y/n now is not the time nor place for this.”

“Either you start talking or I start shouting again.” He glowers silently at you. “I came here for answers Loki, not for a friendly little visit for old times sake. I’m not some hormonal little girl that’ll eat up everything you say.” You cross your arms over your chest.

“There was a time you would’ve done anything I asked y/n.” You feel heat begin to creep up your neck and settle in your cheeks.

“Yes, well, you made your feelings about that quite clear though, didn’t you.” You deflect, desperate for him to not see how his comments affected you.

This time he took hold of your hand, linking his fingers with your own. When he pulled you into motion it was slower this time, allowing you to walk beside him and not have to fight to keep up.

“I always thought you were going to come back.” He admitted after a while.

You shrug in response.

“I missed you.” He adds quietly like he’s afraid the words will make you disappear.

You had come back, he didn’t much care for why anymore. He simply knew he would do anything to make this moment last.

~*~*~*~*~

TAGLIST: @jessiejunebug @seventieshead-modernlover @kinghiddlestonanddixon @danielle101370