#and then they end with some wild ominous shit sounding sweet and happy

[pampushky]

Creature (Both Haunted & Holy)

Vinsmoke Sanji/Reader - chapter 6 - 3k

Liberation has never been so sweet, or so complex.

Warning: This chapter does have descriptions of violence. Given the genocides that are now occurring, I ask you all to be careful with your mental state.

Furthermore, it cannot be said enough, but free Palestine, free Congo, free Sudan, and free Haiti. Wars and occupations should not be legal. The only one who should have control over your own body is you, no matter your identity.

ao3 | series masterlist | masterlist | next part

The water greets you as an old friend, comfortable in your skin once more as you spin under the surface, resting on the bottom, beside your former collar. It’s liberating, able to exist as yourself– truly yourself– for the first time in two years. You let out a happy rumble, listening to the sound echo in the pool. You turn to spin, circling to look at your back flippers as you do. Your form is much bigger than you remember, and much faster, the fur more sleek, when there had been soft, downy spots previously as you aged into adulthood. Some of the white fur still clings to you though, in large patches along your back.

You let out another low rumble, mourning the fact that your pod will never get to see you like this, and your cry makes the water tremble around you. Unknown to you, the ocean laps at the other entrance to the park, thrashing as heavy waves slam into the retaining wall. Those remaining members of Arlong’s crew watch in horror, as it, too, starts to give way, creaking ominously, threatening to let the ocean flow inward as you push yourself out of the water, appearing as though a geyser had shot you into the air, your seal form melting away as you land on your feet, water falling around you, and clinging to your skin as you look at the fishmen, utter sorrow, and rage in your eyes.

Your hair had long since fallen out of the ponytail Arlong loved, spilling over your shoulders and down your back in waves, as water dripped from the ends. Your skin appears smoother, scars silvered over as if they’ve had years to heal, and your pelt has taken a new shape in the form of a large, white fur coat, wrapped around your form, slipping off your shoulders as you take a step towards the center of the park, still holding it tight to yourself. The only scars that were still fresh, still red and bleeding, were those on your left cheek, two lines from how Arlong had rutted his sharp nose against your skin as you struggled against him, and the failed claiming bite on your right shoulder, still a tender, sore, and nearly inflamed. A bright, ugly sign of your rejection of him. 

The Straw Hats stood in shock, some stuck in the ground where they were. Sanji looked relieved, and it almost looked like he had been preparing to dive into the water after you. Zoro had a hand on his sword, his gaze hardened, and Usopp, well, looked like he was about to shit himself, which honestly, you couldn’t blame him for. You wanted to puke from how terrified you were.

You hear Zoro call your name, and even see the way that Sanji starts to smile as you come closer, starting to make your way over when the ground cracks in front of you, Chew letting out a cackle at the surprise on your face as you freeze, taking several steps back and putting yourself in a defensive stance.

Arlong looks furious, his eyes practically bulging out of his head as he watches your movements in an almost predatory manner, teeth bared, pushing himself up and gripping the rubble around him so hard it cracks. 

“Get. Them.” He growls at Hatchan, Chew, and Kuroobi. You freeze, like a deer in the headlights, letting out a low, warning rumble, as the fishmen step closer to you. They have not seen you like this, so unafraid of them, with a wildness in your eyes they had thought had been long-since beaten from you, stolen away and destroyed over the period of time you had been their captive. 

But you smile at them viciously, a wide, baring of teeth that shows your molars and canines, evolved to tear the very flesh from their bones with ease. Once upon a time, it had been the selkenfolk and fishmen who ruled the oceans. And once upon a time, your kind had been their equals, but only out of mercy. Oh, there had been bloody wars, between your kind, with shredded bodies and fearful tales told to pups and fishmen children alike, centered around the most dominant and terrifying of all selkie variations. 

The leopard seal. Quiet, quick, and lethal. With eyes that could see as clear as the day in even the darkest depths of the ocean. Skin as hard as armor, and teeth as sharp as razors as they pulled the very skin from the muscles of their prey. Claws that could be more dangerous than a sword, when they were at your throat, and a touch that could freeze whatever it touched, calling the water present in any living thing to turn to ice the moment it made contact. 

And these fishmen were staring one down, backed into a corner, that they had tortured. Hatchan swallowed, all six of his hands held in a fighting position, and you stayed still, breathing heavily, eyes darting between the three of them, before letting out a deafening roar that finally sent the ocean water over the retaining wall, the crash thunderous as you let the waves pour over you, unmoving as you transformed once again, head thrown back in a victorious cry.

Sanji watched this all happen, hoping that you took this as your chance to escape into the ocean, taking your life by the reins and living freely in the water, as selkies were meant to. He can only imagine how freeing it felt. 

Arlong let out a roar as you disappeared into the water, charging towards Luffy and ripping him from the ground, concrete still engulfing his feet as he pitched the captain into the water.

The sea embraced you as though you hadn’t been gone, the current created by the destruction of the retaining wall sweeping you out. And you let it, going along with the flower, basking in the cool touch of the waves along your body as you dive deeper, experimentally snapping at a silvery school of fish passing by you, watching them regroup and dart away as you hover. 

You looked down, letting your form shift a bit more so that you were a mix of the two, the normal shape that many Selkies took amongst each other, diving deeper until you came upon the floor, looking at the swirling forest of kelp around you that you hadn’t known was so close to the Conomi Islands. 

Carefully, you laid your head against the sand, curling into a fetal position and letting yourself mourn, low, baleful warbles and rumble filling the water around you. 

The kelp shifted beside you, and you looked up to see a harbor seal, staring at you in curiosity, before another popped out above it, twisting in the water before they came to float beside and in front of you, their whiskers almost touching your cheeks as they both observed you. They answered back, the water filled with high-pitched clicking, the two forms swirling around you. To these seals, you were a lost pup, crying out for their pod, and in a way, they aren't wrong.

How ironic the world could be. 

The first seal stopped in front of your face again, touching its nose to your forehead, before looking up at the surface of the water, blowing bubbles from its nose, as if to guide you upwards. 

The other let out a low, comforting rumble, one you recognized well. It was the same rumble your mothers had used to put you to sleep each night, calming your fears. And the same rumble that had been sounding from them as you were taken away. You sniffled, a snort of bubbles filling your vision and you huffed, before holding the seal in front of you close, hugging tightly. And it let you, almost seemed to be hugging you back, before nosing your hair, and pushing you to the surface, dark eyes watching you with a nearly-too-human sorrow. 

More seals had pushed their way through the kelp, soft noses and warm bodies helping you to the surface, surrounding you with familiar rumbles, warbles, and trills. When you breached, they did so with you, all eyes turned towards Arlong Park, as you let out a small chuff, diving under again, this time, to return, the first two seals watching you as you swam away.

Somewhere, you can hear your mothers’ laughter.

Kurobi seems intent on making sure Sanji doesn’t get an opening to help Luffy, even as he watches his captain flounder for breath, he knows he has to do something. There is no one else to help Luffy, or who can free him the way Sanji can. 

Even as he surfaces, just for a brief second, Kurobi is on him, pulling him down when he gasps for air. Sanji manages to land a blow, but his movements are slowed by the water. It’s pointless, it must be. Zoro is struggling as well, still injured from Mihawk, and Usopp has led Chew off on some wild goose chase. The villagers are no help, sent sprawling by Arlong, who is intent on blowing off steam by wreaking havoc around him. 

Sanji has come to terms with this being the end of his life, and his dreams not coming true. He still feels this way when he feels something shoot past him in the water, slamming Kurobi into the side of the pool, leaving the fishman stunned. Something grabs his back and forces him to surface, and as he coughs up water, Sanji’s eyes focus on the form above him, breathing heavily, with a mop of tumbling dark hair staring down at him, eyes wide, lips forming some words he can’t quite hear yet. He is vaguely aware that there is some sort of flipper curled around his lower half, as you check him for injuries, before meeting his eyes and diving back into the water to help Luffy, before diving in after you, a new energy in his veins. 

You’d returned. Even after being freed. You’d returned to help them. 

The captain of the Straw Hats has stopped thrashing, and you dart to the bottom of the pool, examining what is weighing him down as Sanji joins you. You look at him for just a moment, before motioning to the concrete encasing Luffy’s legs. Sanji taps you, motioning that he is going to kick, and you nod, looking over his shoulder at a shape in the water, pushing him out of the way just as Kurobi shoots into the spot where the cook had just been, this time striking you, separating you from Sanji, as your form turns fully seal.

The water trembles with your roar of pain, a burst of bubbles exploding from your mouth as you tackle Kurobi, teeth slashing across his torso, shaking him like a ragdoll. Sanji watches for a second, before focusing on Luffy. The plan was obvious, you had given him the opening he needed, and Sanji took it gratefully, able to charge up a kick and crack the very concrete of the pool's foundation, pushing off the bottom with ease, Luffy slung over his shoulder.

When Sanji surfaces, he cannot see into the water, with how rough it is, and he has other things to worry about, namely, his captain, and resuscitating him. Water slips past Luffy’s lips the moment he presses on the boy’s chest, eyes fluttering open, before he outright pukes the water onto the ground, gasping for air as he does so. Sanji has enough faith in you to know that you would not go down without a fight, not after what you have been through. 

A minute passes, before you shoot out of the water, landing beside Sanji with a thud, your form melting into your full human one as Kurobi pulls himself from the pool on your other side, furious, and you growl back at him, despite your injured state, pushing yourself up on your elbows. 

An ugly, deep gash has turned his side red, along with a dazed look in his eyes. He looks worse than you, and it’s a wonder he has managed to outlast you. But, Kurobi is a trained warrior, who has feasted and slept and drank as he pleased for the past two years. You were kept prisoner, and hardly given what you needed to live in that same time. The odds were never in your favor, and you know that. 

But, you think, as you watch Luffy pull himself up, stalking towards Arlong, eyes burning for a fight, I managed to hold him off long enough for Luffy to break free. 

You waited for the final blow, only to find it never came, Sanji blocking the hit with his foot, glowering at the fishman.

“ I think you’ve done quite enough harm to my friend here,” Sanji’s voice is low, before he looks back at you offering a gentle smile, “Thank you for the help, dear.”

You only nodded, letting out a tired rumble as you rested your head on the ground and let exhaustion roll over you, met by a dreamless sleep.

You wake up to Nami’s face hovering over yours and head-butt each other as you scream in partial shock and fear. Nami clutches her head, and you clutch your own, growling at the pain, and then in confusion with how your movement feels constricted in your arms, and the odd patch on your cheek. 

Bandages. You realize, looking down at your hands and forearms, blinking in wonder. Not only are they clean, but they’re fresh— like they’d been changed within the last hour, not soaked through with blood yet. You tilt your head down, jaw slack as you twist and turn, examining the wrappings on your arm, head pain forgotten. Nami, however, is not as impressed by bandages and is rather annoyed that you head-butted her, glaring at you as you throw the top sheet off your body, looking down at your legs, before crying out, slapping around the bed until you find your pelt, still not entirely used to it’s new shape.

“It’s here,” you hold it up to your face as if to hide in it, before you go silent for a few seconds as if you’re buffering through the events of the past day. “Wait…”

And despite all that you two have suffered, both together and separately, Nami can’t help but break out into laughter, so contagious and joyous that you also start to laugh, head thrown back, trilling from how ridiculous it all seems— yet it happened! You were freed, by random strangers, following Nami after she had stolen their boat. 

“You’re an idiot,” Nami laughs into her hands, and you shoot a playful glare her way. “Oh my gods, you’re an idiot.”

“Not as stupid as you,” you flop down on the cot, wincing in pain a bit. “Y'know, I thought I’d cry more.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like… being free. Thought I’d cry more,” you lift up your hand, examining the back of it as you reach for the ceiling. What isn’t covered with bandages, you can see small pinpricks of scars. Silvered lines and dots on your skin, nearly blending in with the natural speckles you have as a selkie. It almost looked like someone had splattered foundation across your skin, albeit several shades too light to blend in properly. “Guess I’m just too tough to cry.”

“As if,” Nami can’t help but smile at you, taking both of your hands into hers. “But I guess you’re right. I never thought about what it would be like after, just focused on getting there.”

“We can do whatever we want now,” Your voice is giddy as you say it, and Nami can’t help but laugh again.

You both sit in a comfortable silence, loosely holding hands, reveling in your freedom until Luffy comes barging in, equally as bandaged, and seemingly freshly awake, shrieking at both of you, until he looks straight into your eyes, flopping onto your cot.

“Oh. You’re joining my crew, right?” 

“What?”

“Well, you make water move, and that’s gonna be pretty important for navigation,” Luffy moves his arms in a wave-like fashion, wobbling himself as he attempts to imitate the ocean, “Plus, you’re super cool looking.”

“That’s what you look for in your crew?” You ask dryly, raising an eyebrow. “Nami, how did you get roped into this?”

“I didn’t!” Nami crossed her arms, “But… I guess, I did in a way, and she leaned back in her chair, a thoughtful look on her face. “It’s not like there is much left for either of us here.”

“Or left for me in general,” You murmured. “Arlong destroyed my village and my pod. I don’t really have anything to return to, in all honesty.”

“So you’re coming?” Luffy grinned for a split second, as Nami struck down on his head, the smile turning into a cringe as he held a growing lump, wailing as Nami scowled at him.

“Don’t be so insensitive! ” 

 “I’ll… think about it.” You put your chin in your hands, closing your eyes as if you’re in deep thought, and Nami makes Luffy leave, shooing him into a curtained-off area where Zoro was sleeping, apparently. 

What do you do? Luffy, however blunt, is absolutely right. You don’t exactly have other options. You had, at maximum, a year and a half of healer’s training under your belt before you were taken, learning only the basics of pushing and pulling energy through purified water, in order to make wounds heal slightly faster, along with how to properly dress and care for most minor injuries and illnesses. 

Quite honestly, what you were most skilled in was your ability to navigate and sense subtle changes in the water, and you remember how you had just started training to become a bosun a month before your capture. You had enjoyed your time learning how to care for the ship, taking stock of supplies and what would be needed on your next docking. It helped that you could also cure the wood, able to make it stronger and more flexible, imbuing the fibers with some of the qualities of water. 

Nami watches you think and sits beside you. Offering at least some support as you debate your choices.

[spkyscry-a]

@dyavol​ asked: 💭 + The Natural Order (@ Rhok'zan)

A hum, consideration, as she thought it over. Sitting on what can only be called two trees that decided ‘yes, we should create a place to rest between us’, as they twisted around, intermingled into a smooth flat surface, then departed like it had never happened back to a more standard climb upwards. Eyes do not even open initially, before the lower pair peek open just so, appearing ready at last to speak.

“Natural, yes, I suppose that is the word to be more thoroughly pinned into, is it not? For what is natural to one is woefully alien to another. Many sapient creatures have deemed their own definitions of this to be correct and, ah, are rather firm that it’s a them vs. us debacle. Some would even be insistent that is not the case and, yet, it is merely hiding behind a different name. To respect and be respected. Ebb and flow. Live and die. Heal and hurt. When things become the fundamental, suddenly they must be contested. Must be shown that, why yes, we are superior to such trifling things. It’s... vexing. 

The natural order exists for a reason, of course, and it’s something to be respected. Yet, I cannot blame any who choose to not do so. It’s a frightening thing, when you view it less as your ever-present friend and instead the terrifying looming presence you cannot escape. True, things will come and go. Many will even forget that it was even there. Yet their passing will spark new life. No one thing ends that does not spark many beginnings from it.” 

A pause, hands that were resting on her lap moving to pat the tree that she was resting on. 

“This did not sprout from nothing, after all. Each and every step taken is one something has taken their last on. Yet, we do not drown in the mourning of them. We partake in the nourishing life that was made from their end. We continue on, knowing that their loss will allow something else to carry on. It’s a wonderful thing. I merely wish it was seen for what it was by more people.”

The Outer Goddess, something made long before and many would argue was the farthest thing from ‘Natural’ you could get, smiled. Serene. 

“But of course, those that do not will one day be forced to learn, unfortunately for them. Even if I do understand and can sympathize... Order will return, once the chaos subsides. It always does; no matter how long one pushes it back for.”

[ghosty-schnibibit]

new taz graduation ep liveblog! ^u^

i haven't seen any spoilers but i did see a tweet from travis  about how he's excited for us to hear this ep because a lot of stuff happens and i am hyped!!!

i have never heard bursar pronounced with that hard an “a”

wait do they not... get to keep their items??? jesus that sucks 

fitz my sweet boy

ilu firbolg buddy

play in this space with us justin

fitz is so done and i am as well

literally no one has ever said this firbolg

am i the only one who is getting mad evil vibes off this guy

"snippers, honey-" he loves this dear sweet crab

"i set him on my lap" snippers ilu

HOLY SHIT this is big! go fitzroy :D

ooooh shit, on no, oh my poor boy

this music is ominous and i am worried as hell

are you sure villian doesn't fit you fitroy because wow

i was not assuming the dynamics were going to change this much only six episodes in, hot damn

...huh. this is because of what happened last episode isn't it. hieronymus is giving him a promotion in order to keep him from suspecting anything's wrong with the school. i am very concerned about this

i would very much love to learn about trees from bud

firblog and argo's friendship makes me so happy

i legit thought he said "throat"

"now here is a hungry boy for bark" justin you've killed me

argo what the fuck

he was trolling him the entire time oh my god

oh fun we're doing argo's scene first

OH SHIT, it's the water and stone thing from the second ep

well that's not great :|

never mind, back to bud

how much time has passed exactly??? because with all this talk of new semesters and the baby pegasus having grown so much it sounds like it's been months since the first ep. i like having concrete timelines for things, idk if that's important or not but it feels like it

aww, buddies :')

this background noise is wonderful

i'm gonna cry, firblog my baby

"breeze through the willow" pretty

i cannot overstate how much i love firbolg’s emotional intelligence

demons??? how the heck do demons work in dnd, i need to look this up

this music is so beautiful but i am so worried

travis you are destroying me emotionally

"scarred and beautiful" t r a v i s

aaand theres the ad break! yes it is great so far travis, i am loving this!

i still haven't listened to the live candlenights ep, i need to do that 

yes give me your thought process griffin i want to know the inner thoughts of my boy, give me that emotional complexity

what the fuck is this scene even

i love the idea that fitzroy got told specifically "hey maybe don't tell anybody about this" and he immediately decided to turn around and tell his friends 

TURTLE BUDDY :D

aww poor clint, feel better soon :(

"always" ilu firbolg

a quasit??? the fuck

i was halfway to google already there trav

YEAH THAT'S NOT GREAT

oooh that's some interesting lore there, filing that away for later

firbolg has a better record for remembering library books than i do lmao

i love this so much

"i give you permission to speak as justin" pfffff

i love you agro, also clint you're murdering me here

wait didn't hieronymus say they were coming together

oh dang, good to know there’s less of a hench/sidekick split

i'm glad on a narrative standpoint that fitzroy is sharing the fact that he has misgivings about being villian typecast with argo, and i'm also nervous that argo is so worried about being a villian

justin what the flying fuck are you talking about

i can hear justin trying not to laugh

thunderman of the sea

what the fuck is even going on with this, i have no goddamn idea

"it's what i do best!" so gary is a bug essentially

griffin what the fuck has been the last 10 minutes of this podcast

oh yay, the raccoon :D

oh fun, ranier's birthday :D

why does fitzroy have jellybeans, i want to know this

how would a perception check in a dream go, that's wild

oh what the fuck that is creepy

there's only like ten minutes left in this ep and i am worried for argo

that's a good ol' merle roll lmao

oh god i forgot how much i hate the jackal voice holy shit

is it just me or are some of the mics cutting off at the end and going quiet in places, clint's and travis’s in particular

i just had flashbacks to that one fucking scene in amnesty where the shifter took boyd's voice mid sentence and i'm really not a fan of that

so mom is shebry and the ship is the mariah

what happened, i want to know so bad

what the fuck is going on holy shit i am so intrigued

blood and bone, rain and stone

so his mom is gone, and she wanted him to eventually get him to join, and jackal is involved... oh i cannot wait to see how this goes

i am so worried for all of my sons

well that was a significantly funnier post credits scene lmao

so a lot of things happened in this episode! dang!!! only six episodes into the new season and we’ve already hit some major shakeups in terms of the boy’s situations at the school, it seems like the plot is really starting to gain some steam and i’m still super excited to see where it goes from here

see you all next right thursday! 

[littleplebe]

Caution - Weirdness ahead. Read at your own risk.

Inspired by this post and based on @glynnisi's insane prompt. If you want to blame anyone for the following piece of crack, blame her. I know I do.

For as long as he could remember, Steve had been attracted to Darcy. She was smart and plucky, open to new friendships and remarkably accepting of all the madness that surrounded their lives in the tower. He had met her by accident, having ventured into the labs for the first time in search of Bruce only to stumble upon her instead, standing on a table and trying to get into the vent above. (“CLINT! You give me back my taser or I’ll fucking end you!”) One look at her and Steve knew he would fall hard. There was just something about her, something freeing, that made him want to take her hand and run away, regrets and responsibilities be damned.

And that’s exactly why he couldn’t tell her how he felt about her. Bucky was out there somewhere, alone and fending for himself, struggling with his memories and the things he had done. Finding him had to take precedent over everything, even Darcy. Steve told himself that he would do something about his crush after he found his best friend. Yet he couldn’t help himself from obsessing over the very real possibility of Darcy meeting someone else while he was gone, thus destroying his chance with her forever.

Thankfully, his fears remained unfounded and when, months later, he returned to the tower with Bucky by his side, Darcy was there waiting for him, her eyes shining and hands spread wide in welcome. It felt good to fall into her arms again. Comfortable and safe, she looked and smelled like home. Bucky was all right, the Soldier was under control. So, maybe Steve could finally make his move, make Darcy his like he had always wanted.

He found himself sitting alone in the common room one day, unseeing gaze fixed on the blank television screen, when the object of his desires hopped onto the couch beside him.

“Hi,” said Darcy, leaning in to kiss his cheek. She sat back and smiled at him, unaware of the butterflies doing the conga in his stomach. “What are you thinking about?”

“Food,” he fibbed quickly before mentally kicking himself. He could have told her the truth, could have responded with a smoldering ‘You’ and went from there. Too bad Steve wasn’t the smoldering type. Bucky was better at that kind of thing.

Darcy laughed. “Want me to whip up something for you? Something sweet?”

Oh, how well she knew him.

He shook his head. This was his chance. He could suggest going out, turn it into a date, grab her hair and ravish her at the end of it…

“Or we could go out,” she offered in a small, hopeful voice, stealing words right from his mouth.

His thoughts went wild with possibilities and he had to bite his lip hard to keep a wide and uncharacteristically dopey smile from being unleashed. But before he could respond, Natasha strode in followed closely by Bucky. The latter took in the sight before him, his eyes sweeping from Darcy to Steve and back, before he thrust his hands in his pockets and slouched in reluctantly.

“Sorry for the interruption,” said Natasha. Her unapologetic gaze landed on Darcy and she gave the brunette a once over. “Steve and I are going out. Keep this loser company, will you?” She jerked her thumb at Bucky, who blinked and looked at Darcy, shaking his head hard. Steve was doing the same thing.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” Bucky growled at the same time that Steve said, “Why can’t they come with us?”

“We have an op to discuss,” responded Natasha curtly. “It’s classified.”

“Can’t it wait?”

“No.”

Steve groaned. And just when he was about to make some sort of headway with Darcy…

She shrugged when he apologized to her about leaving her there. “Pfft. Don’t worry. Barnes and I are going to be great pals.”

Steve smiled. “Okay.” He slapped Bucky on the shoulder affectionately before walking out of the door with Natasha. “Be nice to her.”

It wasn’t until later when Natasha casually mentioned Darcy being a perfect potential anchor for Bucky that Steve realized what a friendship between his best friend and his best girl would mean.

Darcy’s parting words rang ominously in his ears. Barnes and I are going to be great pals.

No. No, that was impossible. Steve had known Bucky his whole life. His tastes were different. They had never fallen for the same girl. Never.

---

He was wrong.

Because Darcy was special.

---

He had been avoiding her.

He had been avoiding Bucky as well.

Darcy’s constant presence was instrumental in Bucky’s recovery and Steve saw more and more of the old Bucky emerging each day. He couldn’t be happier about it, but with that happiness, came a certain sense of sacrifice and emptiness. Because he knew, Steve knew that Bucky had fallen for her as well. It had been a quick transition, from strangers to ‘I wanna be with her all the fucking time’, the same cycle that Steve had gone through after he had met Darcy.

It was painful to watch.

Bucky and Darcy watching T.V. in the common room, Bucky lounging on the spot that was once Steve’s.

Bucky and Darcy in the kitchen, talking over each other as she taught him how to cook, something she had never done with Steve.

Bucky beating Darcy at board games.

Bucky gently grasping her wrist when she tried to feel his hair, offering to cut it for him.

His gut twisted at the sight and he choked, spinning around and hurrying out of the room. Bucky deserved this, he deserved to be happy, and if Darcy was the one that made him happy, well then Steve would step aside. Because friendship with him was more important than anything Steve would ever have with Darcy.

The thought left a bitter taste in his mouth but it was the right thing to do. And that’s what Steve Rogers was all about, wasn’t he? Someone who would always do right by others.

---

Darcy caught up with him one lazy Saturday morning, her face red and eyes spouting fire. She came to a stop an inch away from his chest and glared up at him.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

Steve stared at her, caught off-guard by her anger and proximity. “What? Darcy… I…”

“I barely get to see you, I haven’t talked to you properly in weeks.” She growled and shoved him angrily. “What the fuck is your deal?”

He caught her hand when she made to shove him again. “Darce…”

“Did I wear you down? Do you not want to be friends anymore?” Her chin trembled worryingly and his resolve to stay away crumbled. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed her to his front. She came willingly. She always did, no matter how angry she was with him or anyone else. Steve had always been able to comfort her.

“You didn’t wear me down, okay? I’ve just been busy,” he lied smoothly, running his fingers through her hair and trying not to revel in the feel of her clinging so desperately to him.

She sniffed and buried her face in his collar. “I miss you, Steve. It’s not the same without you.”

“You have Bucky,” he reminded her gently, grudgingly.

“Bucky’s not you,” she said immediately.

His heart jumped at her words. Surely she didn’t mean what he thought she meant.

“I thought you liked Bucky.”

She pulled back, frowning a little. “Oh, I like him. I like him a lot. But I want to hang out with you, too. It’s like… you don’t even care about us anymore. You’re off doing your own thing.”

Steve sighed. The problem was, he cared a little too much for them. But how could he explain it to Darcy in a way that didn’t make him sound like a complete ass?

“That’s enough moping,” Darcy commanded suddenly, breaking into his morbid thoughts. “You don’t need to explain anything to me. Just… you know, be around. I like seeing your pretty face every day.”

He gulped and nodded.

“And be ready. We’re going out tonight.”

His arm instinctively tightened around her. “You and me?”

“No, silly.” She giggled. “Bucky will be there, too. Can’t leave him behind now, can we?”

“Of course,” he said heavily, stepping away from her. She stood up on her tiptoes and pressed a noisy kiss to his cheek.

“See you at seven. Don’t be late.”

He watched her go, hair bouncing around her shoulders and eyes twinkling as she turned to give him one last wave. How could one person make his heart beat faster and break it into a million pieces at the same time?

“Touching.”

Steve whipped around to see Bucky emerge from the shadows, arms crossed and eyebrows raised.

“Eavesdropping on people is rude, Buck.”

“Not when I’m the topic of conversation.”

Steve shook his head and turned to leave. He was in no mood for games.

“Hey,” Bucky said, catching his arm and forcing Steve to meet his gaze. “What is your problem?”

“Leave me alone, Buck. I’m not in the mood to talk.”

“That’s news to me,” Bucky said sarcastically, metal fingers firmly clutching Steve’s arm. “You’re never in the mood to talk these days.”

Steve clenched his jaw and glared at him in stubborn silence.

“This is about Darcy, isn’t it?”

He slapped a hand to Bucky’s metal fingers and tried to pry them off.

“You’re in love with her.”

He still wouldn’t say anything.

“Dammit, Steve, talk to me!”

“What?” Steve exploded, throwing his hand up in the air. “What do you want me to say? Yes, I’m in love with Darcy. No, I’m not going to do anything about it.” Ignoring the stunned expression on Bucky’s face, he continued stonily, “You’re welcome to have her all to yourself, Buck. Just leave me out of it.”

“What the hell!” His grip on Steve’s arm tightened and he winced. “I’ve done nothing to warrant such behavior, Steve! I’ve not laid a single finger on Darcy till now.”

Steve scoffed. “But you want to!”

“It doesn’t matter if I want to or not. I’m not the one she wants!”

“Neither am I,” snapped Steve, finally freeing himself from his grip.

Bucky gaped at him. “You’re joking, right? Have you seen the way she looks at you?”

“Yeah, and she looks at Thor the same way. And Jane. And you…”

“You idiot, she talks about you all the time and acts like you hang the damn moon!”

She talked about him all the time? Well if that wasn’t flattering as shit, and really good for his ego. He stood there, temporarily speechless, wondering how he had been so fucking stupid about making his move when she thought so highly of him.

But then he looked at the resignation on Bucky’s face and thought of all the times he had seen Darcy and Bucky together, and his stomach fell. “You’re wrong, Buck. The last time I saw her, she kept going on and on about how much progress you’ve made as an amateur cook.”

“That’s ‘cause I have!” Bucky said indignantly, completely missing the point.

Steve sighed and shook his head. “I can’t do what you’re asking me. You deserve to be happy more than I do.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Such a martyr.”

“This isn’t right,” Steve continued resolutely.

“I’ve honestly lost count of the times you’ve spouted utter nonsense in my presence.”

“I’m serious, Buck.”

“So am I,” said Bucky firmly. “Let’s just forget everything and go to dinner tonight. If neither of us is going to act on our feelings, then we’ll leave the decision up to Darcy.”

Steve didn’t like the idea at all. He wanted Darcy all to himself. He was allowed to be selfish for once in his damned life! He was just human after all.

But he knew he couldn’t do that to Bucky. Hell, he couldn’t do that to any of his friends. This was as good a plan as any. So, he sighed in defeat and nodded. “Yeah. Let Darcy decide.”

Bucky snorted at the hopelessness in his voice. “Trust me when I say you’ve nothing to worry about.”

If only Steve could believe him…

---

The dinner never happened. There was a call to assemble and Steve only had enough time to message Darcy telling her he’d make it up to her later before they were all suiting up and piling into the quinjet.

A man, supposedly a wizard, was wreaking havoc on Times Square. By the time the Avengers got there, another wizard (this one sporting a red cape) had joined the first and they were engaged in a fierce battle of strength and sorcery. At first, the Avengers didn’t understand what was happening or if they were even needed there. These men were magicians! How could you defeat a magician without magic?

“The Avengers are here! Fashionably late as always,” the wizard with the red cape greeted, even as his hands produced some sort of orange energy to zap the enemy. “I’m Dr. Strange. And this is my friend Mordo. He’s acting a little crazy right now but he’s really a good guy deep inside.”

Steve exchanged unsure glances with Thor and Tony. What the actual fuck?

In retaliation to Dr. Strange’s words, Mordo did something crazier. It seemed like he possessed the power to conjure some sort of demon monsters and soon Steve and the others found themselves surrounded.

“Well, here goes nothing,” deadpanned Clint, before releasing his first arrow.

And the fight began.

Steve regretted not bringing Bruce with them. The area was already badly destroyed; the Hulk would have just worsened it. However, even with Natasha leaping from one demon to another, Clint pelting arrow after arrow, Thor’s electricity blowing several demons into smithereens and Tony wildly blasting his repulsors, it still wasn’t enough. Mordo just kept conjuring more demons to keep the Avengers from joining in the real fight.

He was extremely powerful and Steve could see the strain on Strange’s face as they fought. He threw his shield at a demon creeping up behind Natasha and turned to Bucky.

“We need to get behind him,” he panted, catching his shield when it whizzed back to him. “He uses his hands to do magic. If we can… I dunno…”

Bucky considered it. “I get it. If it doesn’t do the trick, we’ll at least have tried.”

“We might get zapped.”

“Or worse, turned into demons.” Bucky grinned. “Let’s do this.”

“Thor, Tony,” Steve spoke into the comm. “We’re going in. Cover us.”

“On your mark, Cap,” said Tony, flying over them and keeping the demons at bay with well-aimed repulsor blasts while both super soldiers ran toward Mordo.

Later, if you asked the Avengers what happened next, none of them would be able to tell you for sure. Not because whatever happened, happened so fast that no one caught it. Also not because a strange glow surrounded Steve and Bucky the moment they jumped on Mordo and twisted both his hands behind his back, thus taking the brunt of his power into their super souped-up systems.

Mostly. Mostly, it was because what happened… didn’t make any fucking sense at all.

Mordo was defeated because of Steve and Bucky’s heroics but when Dr. Strange sent him and his demons backpacking through a portal and after the glow faded, there was only one body lying prone on the ground where there should have been two. Alarmed, Tony zoomed over to see if one of the super soldiers had accidentally been sucked into the portal.

He hovered over the unconscious body, unsure.

“Uh, Thor,” he said quietly into the comm. “Guys. You might want to see this.”

“Is Steve all right?” Natasha asked, running over, while Thor flew down from above.

“Jesus!” gasped Clint, when he saw what they were all staring at.

“Weren’t there two men here?” Dr. Strange politely inquired, appearing beside them and looking very satisfied with himself about the victory.

“You,” Tony snapped, spinning to face the sorcerer. “You’re coming with us. Now!”

---

There was a strange weight on his left shoulder, a certain sense of physical imbalance focused more on his left side that made him feel like he had grown an extra limb there. He groaned and cracked his eyes open, blearily taking in his surroundings. He was in the med bay of the Tower. His head felt heavy and his entire body ached. What the hell had happened?

The last thing he remembered was getting ready for dinner.

Darcy, a voice in his head reminded him and the memory of what had happened at Times Square slowly filtered into his mind. He closed his eyes, listening to the heart monitor beeping steadily to his left. He was alive. He was okay. He was going to be f— wait, was he thinking in Romanian?

“I don’t know Romanian,” he croaked.

The beeping of the heart monitor sped up as he panicked. What on earth was happening? The door to the room opened and Bruce and Helen rushed in. Helen hastened to the heart monitor and switched it off. Bruce came to stand by the bed, a pen and doctor’s pad in his hands. He had never seen Dr. Banner look so unsure in his life. He almost looked afraid.

“Who are you?”

That was a weird question to ask. Bruce knew him. They had fought together. Bruce made him tea every morning.

“Steve Ro…” he trailed away. There was a voice inside his head insisting he was someone else. “Bucky Barnes… no.”

“No?”

Why didn’t he know his own name? Was he Steve or Bucky? Was he—he blinked—was he thinking in Romanian again?

“I’m not sure,” he mumbled in puzzlement.

Bruce and Helen exchanged significant looks. Something wasn’t right.

“Where’s Darcy?” he asked instead.

“She’s at the lab,” Helen informed him kindly. “She doesn’t know you’re here.”

“Can I see her?”

“Not yet, St—soldier.” Bruce fumbled with his doctor’s pad. “Do you… feel any different?”

“Aside from the fact that I’m thinking in Romanian, not really.” He laughed nervously. “My left arm does feel a little weird.”

He wiggled his fingers experimentally and brought his arm up to study it. Oh good, his metal arm was intact.

His metal arm.

His metal…

“Jesus, fuck!” he exclaimed, scrambling into a sitting position and shoving at the arm with his right hand. “What the hell? Bruce! Why do I have a metal arm? BRUCE!” he roared, his panic reaching phenomenal levels in a matter of seconds. “Ce se întâmplă cu mine? Ce se întâmplă?!”

“His heart rate’s increasing again,” Helen shouted.

“I got it.”

The last thing he remembered was Bruce producing a needle and Helen holding him down as best as she could.

---

When he woke up again, he wasn’t alone. Natasha and Clint were sitting on either side of his bed, playing ball.

“Darcy,” he moaned, voice hoarse with sleep. He was pretty sure he had been dreaming about her. “I want… where’s Darcy?”

“Interesting,” mused Natasha.

“What’s interesting?” Clint wanted to know.

“Bruce said their thoughts clash. Darcy is the only constant in their mind. It’s interesting.”

“Shut up, Natalia. Your voice grates on my ear drums.”

She sat up straight, missing the ball Clint threw at her. “Bucky?”

He shook his head. “Steve.”

She raised a brow. “Then, why did you call me Natalia instead of Natasha?”

“I don’t know,” he replied, grimacing slightly. His brain confused him.

“This is so weird,” said Clint, looking spooked. “Should I call the doctors?”

Natasha nodded and the archer quickly left.

“Just tell me what’s wrong with me.”

“I don’t… I don’t know how to…” He hadn’t thought he would ever see the Black Widow fumble for words. She was always so precise and her calm businesslike manner in difficult situations was an inspiration to them all.

“Spit it out, Nat.”

“We think Steve and Bucky are no longer two different people,” she said hurriedly, watching him closely for a reaction.

He looked at his left hand, his metal hand, and paled.

“Shit!”

“Strange says Mordo’s magic merged you two together… somehow.”

There was a shuffle outside the door and the other Avengers plus Helen Cho filed in.

“How do you feel, soldier?” Helen asked him.

It was weird to be called soldier instead of his name. But what was his name? Was it Steve or Bucky?

“Can you fix us?” he demanded.

“I… uh… we’re working on it.”

“Come on, Cho,” Tony piped up seriously. “Don’t lie to the man. We don’t know how to separate you, soldier.”

Everyone’s eyes went to Thor next but he, too, had nothing to offer. “Asgard knows not how to aid you with this dilemma. I’m sorry, my friend.”

His face fell. His first instinct was to rage at them, to throw things, use his metal arm to get shit done, but that was Bucky. The Steve inside him forced him to remain calm, to think about this rationally with little to no violence involved.

“None of us have ever seen anything like this before,” said Bruce, rubbing the back of his neck uncertainly. “We don’t know how to deal with this.”

“Can’t Dr. Strange do anything? Magic bound us. Magic can unbound us.”

“Strange left to find a cure… but Steve,” Tony paused and shook his head at his slip of tongue. “It might take some time.”

“Or more time,” Clint muttered under his breath.

Man, he was totally and completely screwed this time.

---

The first thing he did after he was discharged from the med bay was find a mirror and look at himself. It was surreal. The man staring back at him looked familiar and new at the same time. He had Steve’s eyes, Steve’s neat mop of hair and Steve’s lips. But the hair was darker like Bucky’s, there was stubble on his face, his jaw was more pronounced and then there was the fucking metal arm that they both shared. It didn’t feel heavy anymore. After a week in the hospital and some helpful physiotherapy sessions, he was used to it.

What he wasn’t used to was the sorry state of his mind, which was constantly at war with itself. Steve and Bucky may have been best friends but they were very different people with different tastes and contrasting emotional responses to situations. When Bucky wanted Cheerios, Steve craved cake. When Steve wanted to watch television, Bucky wanted to play board games. Bucky liked to jog, Steve wanted to race. Steve was nothing without his shield, Bucky was all about knives. The worst part of it was that his physical health and fighting ability was also being affected by this. He lost sparring matches to Tony for Christ’s sake who wasn’t even a skilled combatant.

“Why did you make that jump?” demanded Natasha from her seat by the mat while Tony helped him up.

“I think I was going to go for the high jump and sweep kick.”

“That would have been effective. Then, why did you fall?”

“I don’t know. My body decided that the duck and side punch would be a better move.”

Natasha pursed her lips and thought about it. “You have two different voices inside your head telling you what to do,” she stated bluntly. “You can’t fight like this. Until Strange can find a solution, you need to learn to control your mind.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get that. But what do you mean I can’t fight like this?”

“It means you’re officially relieved of your world saving duties till we say so.”

“Fuck you, Natalia!”

“Language,” Tony said mildly.

“I’m your leader!”

“Not anymore,” Natasha said, brilliantly veiling her reluctance at having to say these words. “Thor will take your place until you can figure your shit out. In the meantime, we’re all here to help you as best as we can.”

“I won’t listen to this!” He turned and stomped out, kicking at the nearest dumbbell as he went. First, they wouldn’t let him leave the Avengers block, then they wouldn’t let him meet Darcy and now they were pulling him off superhero duty as well.

How much worse could his life get?

This is your fault, Buck.

It was your idea to jump on Mordo, punk.

---

He was sitting in his in-suite kitchen, staring at a box of untouched pizza, when he heard faint scraping in the vents. He pricked his ears and listened closely for a second or two before shrugging and going back to his brooding. He hadn’t seen or talked to Darcy in two weeks. JARVIS has been keeping tabs on her for him but not seeing her was making him restless. Tony thought Darcy (and probably everyone who knew the super soldiers) would freak the hell out at the sight of him. But he couldn’t see how confining him to the upper floors of the tower was an apt solution.

Besides, if the Avengers were doing well enough handling the new him, so could Darcy. She was a strong dame.

The scraping noise returned, closer this time, and he stood up suspiciously, blue gaze swiveling up to see a mane of dark hair hanging out of the open vent.

“What the…!” he uttered in surprise before there was a feminine shriek and the next second, he had his arms full of— “Darcy?”

Her cheeks were flushed and she was breathing hard. He glanced up at the hole in his ceiling. Had she really just crawled out of a fucking vent? His immediate instinct to reprimand her for her carelessness flew out of the window when he noticed the way she was looking at him, eyes wide and lips parted in utter awe as she studied him unabashedly.

“Look at you,” she whispered, raising her hand to trace the sharp line of his jaw.

His pulse jumped at her light touch and his mouth went dry as he drank her in hungrily. Her skin was as smooth as ever, lips as lush and pink as he remembered, she was wearing the Mjolnir printed tank top that she loved and, God, but she was absolutely breathtaking! It felt like he was seeing her after years and couldn’t stop staring at her.

She squirmed uncomfortably in his arms and he carefully placed her on the kitchen island, pushing closer to stand between her legs because hell if he was going to let her out of his reach again.

“Thor told me but I couldn’t believe him,” she said softly, thumb absently swiping over the scruff on his chin. “This… you… shit! You look so different.”

He didn’t know if she was talking about Steve or Bucky but he didn’t care, not when she was touching him the way she was, light fingers running over his shoulders, tracing lines on his metal arm, reaching up to flick a piece of hair from his forehead… it was innocent exploration, he knew, but it was turning him on. He boldly placed his hands on her waist and squeezed.

“This doesn’t freak you out?”

Her eyes swept over his face again before she replied, “A little.”

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“I missed you.”

“Who?”

“Both of you.”

His heart skipped a beat and when she shifted closer expectantly, he gave in and let her draw him into a hug. She was warm and soft just the way he remembered, her ample curves fitting perfectly into the hard ridges of his body. He closed his eyes and buried his face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the familiar scent of jasmine mixed with sandalwood. Now that he had her in his arms, he couldn’t comprehend how he had survived without her for two weeks, without seeing the undying twinkle in her eye, without the impish curve of her lips, without those tiny moments of weightlessness when she kissed his cheek or rumpled his hair or smacked his arm when he won at scrabble.

“I missed you, too,” he told her, reluctantly pulling away.

“Good.” She grinned. “Because I’m here to stay.”

---

She wasn’t kidding when she said she was there to stay. They made quick work of the pizza while commiserating about him being under house arrest and Darcy being forbidden to see him.

“Tony actually had JARVIS change my clearance level so that I couldn’t get up here,” she told him incredulously. “Well, joke’s on him ‘cause I’ve learnt to use the vents now.”

Later, they retreated to his bedroom, where Darcy leapt shamelessly on the bed and he sat on the floor, leaning his head back onto the mattress. A second later, she crawled across the bed to lay her head next to his, her dark waves tumbling over the edge like a waterfall. He turned his face to see her watching him speculatively.

“What does it feel like?” she asked. “Do you hate it? Is it confusing?”

“A bit.”

“Have your memories merged as well?”

“Hmm. I remember flying the plane into the arctic and I also remember being tortured by HYDRA. It’s weird.”

“That’s terrible,” she said with a frown. “How do you deal with it?”

He shrugged. “I have dealt with it, before the merge. So it’s not that bad. I get combined nightmares sometimes but that’s not as worrisome as frequently wanting to do different things. Be it in combat or movie preferences or my work out schedule, it’s like… one side of my brain is in constant conflict with the other.”

“Listen to the dominant side,” she suggested instantly.

“Both are equally dominant.”

“Ooh,” she said cheekily. “I bet they are.”

“Behave,” he scolded, fixing a mock glare on her.

She giggled. “So, what are you going to do?”

“Dunno. Wait for Strange to fix me, I guess.”

“What if he can’t?” she asked anxiously.

He winced and looked away from her, not knowing how to respond. If the Sorcerer Supreme couldn’t figure out a solution to this mess, he didn’t know who could. His adam’s apple bobbed heavily as he stared at the ceiling, vainly trying to control his riotous thoughts. He was thinking in Romanian again but it was broken, as English randomly seeped through. Everything still made sense because he was fluent in both languages but the opposing directions his thoughts sometimes ran in was frustrating.

Darcy shifted closer and circled an arm around his head to cup his throat protectively. Her hair tickled his shoulder and she nuzzled close to speak fiercely into his ear, “I won’t let anything happen to you. We’ll figure this out, okay?”

“Okay.”

---

She woke up with a plan next day and told him to stay put in his suite while she went to get some things. She returned with people, not things.

“What’s going on?” he asked when Thor and Clint followed her in half an hour later.

“Simple exercise,” Darcy chirped happily. “Clint, take your place at the table. You two are going to arm wrestle.”

He looked at both men dubiously. Arm wrestling? “What’s that going to achieve?”

“Just do as she says, buddy,” advised Clint. “She’s got it all mapped out.”

“Had a dream about it,” said Darcy proudly. “Now wrestle.”

They clasped hands and Clint mouthed, “1, 2, 3, go.”

It wasn’t a fair fight. Clint was strong but not stronger than two super soldiers put together. To his credit, he lasted a good minute before admitting defeat.

Thor was a different matter entirely. He was a demigod and Clint yawned loudly in the background while they wrestled for long minutes. In the end, Thor got tired of holding himself back and swiftly slammed their clasped hands down on the table.

“Forgive me, my friend,” he said unapologetically, grinning wide.

All three looked at Darcy, who was watching them hopefully, as if expecting them to have figured out what this all meant. When no one said anything, she rolled her eyes and explained, “One, now you know your strength. Two, what did you just do while you were wrestling?”

“Tried to win?”

“Exactly! Your mind was focused on one thing – winning.”

He frowned at her, completely nonplussed, before realization dawned and his eyes widened comically. “So, if I can do it once, I can do it again. Focus on one thing.”

“Right. You don’t need to listen to a dominant side. You need to come to a common ground. Compromise the best you can or else try new things that you haven’t tried before.”

“I like this idea,” Clint chimed in. “You can try new fighting techniques, mate.”

“And you need to start meditating,” continued Darcy, bouncing eagerly on her toes. “It helps calm the mind and improves focus.”

“Bruce can help with that,” agreed Thor.

“I’m going to get Nat and Tony in on this,” said Clint, all businesslike. “They can help.”

“This might just work, Steve,” smiled Thor before following Clint out of the door.

He huffed irritably. “Why do people keep calling me Steve?”

“It’s the eyes,” said Darcy, smiling softly. “You have Steve’s eyes. It’s the first thing people notice when they look at you and it reminds them of Steve.”

He nodded slowly. Suppose that made sense.

What do you think? Is it okay if people call us Steve?

What’s in a name?

---

Everyone had to admit Darcy’s plan was genius. A month into it and he was already showing signs of progress. He had set a simple routine for himself: meditate with Bruce every morning (meditation really put a lot of things into perspective), spar with Natasha and Clint after that. It was demotivating, not to mention maddening, taking continuous hits at first, unable to make up his mind about which move to use in the split second that Natasha took to attack him again. But he liked to think that he was slowly getting better at it.

Tony was responsible for knowledge distribution. Steve was interested in technology and its use while Bucky was fascinated with the science of it all. So, he was learning to indulge in both. Knowing more not only made him feel intelligent, it also helped simplify his decision making process. Thor kept telling him to think like one man, not two. Because that’s who he was now – a new man, stronger, faster, smarter. Thor’s advice wasn’t impossible but it was easier said than done.

Meanwhile, Darcy’s job was to take care of the little things, like categorize his movie and food preferences, encourage him to do better each day, calm him down whenever he got aggravated with his unique situation, and just in general her job was to exist. Her existence made everything better. She was his sole anchor, the only person capable of making him laugh these days. When he was with her, his thoughts were in perfect sync. Because she was the only thing in the world that both Steve and Bucky wanted…

There were still times when he caught her off-guard and she would spend an inappropriate amount of time staring at his face in wonder while he tried his damnedest not to be affected by it.

“Darcy,” he said the third time it happened, snapping his fingers in front of her face.

She jumped and looked away. “Sorry… sorry.”

“What are you thinking,” he asked curiously, “when you look at me like that?”

“I don’t… know,” she replied, avoiding his gaze. “Nothing in particular.”

He saw right through her. “Liar.”

She flushed prettily. “I can’t help it. You’re different… but same. And hotter.”

“Woah.” He sat up straight, suddenly very interested. “You don’t think I was hot before?”

“You were,” she hastened to reply. “But now, it’s like… more. You know?”

He shook his head innocently. He really wanted to hear her say this.

She huffed and continued, “It’s like… a combination of blue eyes, warmth, righteousness, charm, mystery and… the murder strut.”

He was amused. “The what?”

“Oh, you know,” she said, waving her hands helplessly. “The way Bucky walks.”

“I see.” He leaned forward, resting his chin on his fist. “What else?”

She glared at him, realizing what he was trying to do. “Eat your fucking soup.”

He barked out a laugh and happily returned to his dinner, occasionally stealing glances at Darcy, who was steadfastly avoiding looking at him. He was seeing this side of her for the first time. It was endearing, not to mention gratifying, to see her fumble in his presence. He couldn’t deny her recent behavior toward him gave him hope.

But once she left, doubts began to creep into his head. What he was doing, flirting with her? He was supposed to exercise control when it came to her, at least until Strange could find a way to fix him. It had been his own decision, before the merge, to let Darcy choose between Steve and Bucky.

Some would say the situation had sorted itself. There was no question of choice between two people anymore, it was just him now and the merge made him want Darcy more than ever; but what would happen when he went back to normal? Moving ahead with her now would unnecessarily complicate things later. So maybe he should stay away.

The only problem with that plan was, as time passed and his thoughts slowly started to sync, he got used to this body, to the new memories, new personality traits and the new way of looking at everything. The two conflicting voices in his head had all but faded and anything that remained… well, those were his own thoughts, emotions and decisions. His. Singular.

He was starting to believe that he was one person. Not two trapped in one.

---

Natasha deemed him field ready one fine Monday morning after he had pinned her to the mat no less than three times in one session.

“Let’s see,” said Clint, checking things off a list. “Master tactician, excellent Frisbee thrower, great with knives, expert marksman, skilled at hand-to-hand combat… damn, you’re the whole package, Sergeant Justice.”

“What did you just call me?”

“You’ll need a new name, of course,” explained Clint, grinning. “Nat and I have thought of a few. Nomad, Sergeant Justice, The Shadow…”

“The Shadow?”

“It’s cool.”

He rolled his eyes. “Why can’t I be the Winter Soldier?”

Natasha quirked a brow. “You don’t mind?”

“Why would I mind? I am the Winter Soldier.”

“But you’re also Captain America.”

He shrugged. “Captain America is a known entity, a public face. No one has seen the Winter Soldier. Plus, I have the metal arm to prove it.”

Clint and Natasha exchanged looks, then Natasha smirked and announced, “Fair enough. Welcome back to the team, Winter Soldier.”

He snorted. “Don’t be cheesy.”

---

“How are you guys going to explain Captain America’s absence?” Darcy’s muffled voice carried through the closed bathroom door.

“I don’t know,” he called, toweling himself lazily. “He probably fell into a volcano or something.”

“You better be joking!”

He snickered. “Maybe he died protecting a fellow Avenger. Pretty heroic, eh?”

Wrapping the towel around his hips, he opened the door and stepped out, eyes sweeping the room for Darcy. To his left, the door to his closet was open and her tiny feet peeked out from below.

“Leave the room, Darce,” he ordered gently.

“Wait.” And then her feet disappeared.

What the hell was she doing clambering up his closet?

He went to stand behind her. She was unsuccessfully trying to reach the top shelf. “Where’s the blue shirt you wore last Thursday?” Her voice was strained and, in spite of his amusement at her antics, he took pity on her and reached up to swipe said blue shirt from the pile.

“This one?” he asked, holding it before her eyes as she jumped down.

“Yes!” She snatched it from his hand and turned around with a smile that faded the second her eyes landed on him. “Oh.” Pink tinged her cheeks and she stood rooted in place, blinking rapidly at the low slung towel around his waist.

She was making him feel hot, too. “Darcy. Out. Now,” he said, resting a protective hand on the knot of his towel.

“Right. Yes,” she mumbled, looking a bit dazed. “I’m going.”

She elbowed the closet door shut as she went but stopped a few paces ahead, having remembered she was still holding his shirt. “Wear this,” she said eagerly, backtracking to give it back to him. Her knuckles were white from clutching the fabric a little too tightly. “You look nice in it.”

He tried not to be flattered by the effect he was clearly having on her, for it wasn’t because of him. Was it? It was because he wasn’t clothed. It was a natural reaction. It was probably embarrassment…

Darcy cleared his doubts the next second when she surged up and pressed her lips to his. He froze, shirt slipping from his fingers and eyes going wide. What?

She pulled away quickly and eyed him nervously. “I… sorry. Shouldn’t have done that…”

He gaped at her, heart pounding wildly and lips tingling from her touch, before his instincts kicked in and he yanked her into his arms. She let out a surprised squeak and braced her hands on his chest, peering up at him with big hopeful eyes. He let his gaze drop to her mouth and dipped his head experimentally. She immediately tilted her face up, her eyelids fluttering heavily and pink lips parting in silent invitation.

A helpless groan escaped him at the sight and to hell with it he decided before sinking his metal hand into her hair and sealing her mouth with his in a rough kiss. She gasped at his intensity, her nails scraping over his pectoral muscles in a way that made him shudder and push her back until she was pressed against the wall. He couldn’t be gentle with her, not when he had waited so long to hold her, taste her, not when she was so soft and pliant in his arms, his to devour and possess if he so wished.

She let him crush her body to his, let him be demanding. Her breathy moans filled the air around them as he hungrily kissed down her neck, nipping and licking until she snapped her hips into his, begging for more. He was breathing hard when he pulled away, his wayward hand slipping out of her blouse and coming to rest on her hips.

“We should stop,” he panted, even as his fingers stroked and kneaded her flesh, unable to let go of her completely.

She opened her eyes to reveal pupils blown wide with lust. “Wha… no!”

“I can’t. I can’t do this.” He waited for the haze in her eyes to clear and made sure she was listening before he continued, “Being with you now will only complicate things when I… when…”

“When you what?” she challenged, her voice hitching due to breathlessness. “Not five minutes ago you were talking about killing off Captain America. You know things are never going to go back to the way they were.”

“But Strange—”

“Would have found a cure by now if there was one.”

He shook his head miserably. “It isn’t fair to you.”

In response, she launched up on her tiptoes and kissed him hard. “Now you listen to me, Mr. Nobility,” she ordered calmly after pulling away. “You don’t have to be so torn up about this. Sure, Steve and Bucky are a part of you. They made you. But you’re a person and you’re allowed to do stuff and want stuff. Plus, you say you’re better, right? You’re you. And I want you.” She paused and raised her eyebrows at him. “Got it?”

Her words both stunned and thrilled him. She was right. He was better now, in so many ways than one. And he may never go back to being who he was before. This was his life now and he was surprisingly happy, especially now that he knew Darcy wanted him.

“Are you done or do you want to brood some more?” she teased, wrapping her arms around his waist and bouncing up to press a kiss to his shoulder.

He huffed out a laugh and closed his eyes, letting her explore his skin with her lips. “I’m done.”

“Good. Now drop that pesky towel.”

---

6 months later

They were in the Avengers kitchen, stealing sweet lingering kisses over breakfast, when Tony walked in, followed by Dr. Strange.

“Heya, lovebirds,” the billionaire greeted cheerfully. “Look who’s back with news!”

“I think I may have found a spell to reverse—,” Dr. Strange began proudly only to be interrupted by two loud voices telling him to,

“Fuck off!”

[deadgwen]

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*

[ismael37olson]

A Big Muck Breakfast

I know there are people who think musicals don't require "real" acting -- and believe me, they're not shy about telling me that -- and they're full of actual shit. The opposite is true. The real challenge, the real tightrope, is the kind of truthful, honest, but highly stylized acting called for in musicals like Bat Boy, Urinetown, Little Shop, Cry-Baby, Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson, and many other shows of this new Golden Age. These are shows that seem to hold us at a Brechtian arm's length, while they sneak up on us and get us emotionally engaged before we realize what's happening. It's a mantra I quote constantly, coined by Keythe Farley, co-author and original director of Bat Boy: "the depth of sincerity, the height of expression." I remember when we produced Bat Boy (in 2003 and 2006), we had the audience laughing out loud much of the evening, but also crying real tears at the tragic climax of the story. That's some skillful writing, and it requires skillful acting and directing. It means taking the acting, the characters and relationships, as seriously as we would if we were doing Virginia Woolf or True West. As with many of our shows, the wonderful but bizarre premise of Yeast Nation makes that harder, although the excellent writing takes us right where we need to go. Kotis and Hollmann have been working on this show for a number of years, and they've been honing it all that time. This newest version we're working on is lean, taut, suspenseful storytelling -- even as it's also patently absurd and ridiculous. That's that tightrope I'm talking about. Neither side dominates -- the ridiculous is perfectly balanced by real emotional honesty. It's hard for actors (and directors) to pull that off, but when they do, it makes for genuinely thrilling theatre. As Greg Kotis writes in his Author's Notes on Yeast Nation:

Yeast Nation (the triumph of life) is a comedy, but what kind of comedy? There aren’t too many jokes, and it’s not all that witty. The script and score actually seem to take themselves rather seriously -- which is actually the key to how to attack the show. For the comedy (and therefore, the show) to succeed, the production must commit whole-heartedly to the grim, ominous, brutal, terrifying reality of the world of the play.

So as we work on Yeast Nation, I've asked my actors to think about their big arcs in terms of three questions. When does love infect you? When do you first eat muck? All the characters either fear or hunger for change -- which side are you on? As I wrote about in my last blog post, the one central through-line in our story is the destructive power of Love. Each of the main characters gets corrupted -- infected? -- by Love, as it spreads like a deadly virus through this community, bringing tragic endings to several of them. You can actually chart the spread of the virus through the story. All the problems our Yeasts face in our story come from outside forces. First, Love is introduced to their world, but as single-celled organisms, they're not really equipped for Love. Then, when Jan-the-Second-Oldest ventures up to the surface to find a new source of food, he discovers Muck, a much richer, more nutritious food source that plays havoc with the Yeasts' biology (or lack thereof). In the script, Kotis writes in his Notes:

The Muck is another important mechanism of the story. In practical/real-time terms, The Muck is like speed, or meth, or ecstasy, or Red Bull, or any of the powerful, mood altering drugs that temporarily fills people with energy and purpose and delusions of grandeur while also allowing the user to remain lucid and present.

So we have two powerful, mood-altering drugs playing havoc with our Yeasts -- Love and Muck -- and they have no experience with either. The other major theme running through our story is Change. Every character either fears Change or hungers for Change. Jan-the-Second-Oldest and Jan-the-Wretched want Change to save their community. Jan-the-Sly and Jan-the-Wise want Change because they want power. Jan-the-Eldest fears Change -- exactly like today's Trump voters. Change is scary, but sometimes the inability to change can be tragic or deadly. That's the central point of Fiddler on the Roof.

Though Yeast Nation's first production was in 2007, the story is now an obvious metaphor for our freaky, fucked-up politics today. Jan-the-Eldest (the king) stands in for older (though not always), more conservative Americans, who fear Change, who fear The Other, who want to return to the safety of a time past, which wasn't really all that "safe." Even in the face of crisis, these folks resist Change. Jan-the-Second-Oldest stands in for the progressive movement -- which frequently takes huge missteps. The conspirators, Jan-the-Sly and Jan-the-Wise stand in for the cynical politicians who care nothing for the well-being of the country, only for their own accumulation of wealth and power. And maybe The Muck stands in for social media, an intoxicating super-charger of all our worst impulses and emotions. Like Muck, one could argue that social media is as necessary to our lives as it is destructive.

Or maybe we can see The Muck as Fake News -- it satisfies the immediate hunger for relentless bias confirmation, and it makes you feel GREAT -- vindicated, reinforced, reassured -- even though it totally fucks up your morality and analytical abilities. Watching people gleefully spew vicious lies about political figures on Facebook doesn't feel that different to me from the meth-like reaction our Yeasts experience when they ingest The Muck. Look at this conversation between Second (intoxicated by Muck) and Sweet. It almost sounds like they're talking about cocaine...

SWEET: And...how is this stuff supposed to save us, exactly? SECOND-OLDEST: (Euphorically insistent) Taste of it and you shall know! SWEET: Taste of it? SECOND-OLDEST: That’s right! Do so, you’ll be happy you did! SWEET: No, I don't think so. SECOND-OLDEST: You're frightened. Don't be. SWEET: I have but a primitive digestive system! SECOND-OLDEST: Not as primitive as you think! SWEET: Please, Second One, I don't want to- ! SECOND-OLDEST: You will taste of it! (Second catches her and forces her to eat.)

Maybe any story that really gets at the truth of human behavior and emotion can act as a metaphor for nearly any time and place. The show seems so particularly relevant to our politics and culture right now, but maybe the same will be true forty years now... All we need to know is that this story, despite its inherent wackiness, tells the truth about us, and our job is to make sure we communicate that truth as clearly as we possibly can. If we trust the writers and the material, we just have to go where they lead us. It's a hell of a wild, funny, creepy, silly, ridiculous, wonderful ride. I hope you'll come join us. Long Live the Musical! Scott Click Here to Buy Tickets! from The Bad Boy of Musical Theatre http://newlinetheatre.blogspot.com/2018/05/a-big-muck-breakfast.html

[mistermike1967]

Nintendo Switch Presentation Livestream Reaction Log

Hot off the press, here are my thoughts on the Switch Stream!

9:50 - Began writing. 10:00 - Finally found the stream. The first thing that popped up was streams by ya boy Etika, Rich of ReviewTechUSA, etc. 10:01 - My ass is ready. 10:06 - I have now come to the realization that I'm gonna have to find something to do for about an hour. 10:07 - Guess I'll just post some hopes for the stream then. I really hope the new Mario game is more open like Super Mario 64 was, 'cos as much as I love Super Mario 3D World, I really miss being able to travel through parallel universes. 10:09 - I caught a shiny Mimikyu today. Cute as fuck but has a Calm nature, which lowers it's attack. Thankfully this doesn't mean much when it's attack is +4. 10:28 - There's music playing now. I did not expect this. 10:32 - I HEAR HORSES NOW. Oh wait, it's just the Switch tariler. 10:34 - God this song is fuckin' good. "I need you like bacon needs eggs." 10:40 - 20 Minutes. God this is taking FOREVER. 10:44 - OH SHIT IT'S A STAGE. Neon lights and everything, man this won't give me seizures. 10:45 - Nice trance(?) music. Too bad it can't calm me down from this hypegasm. (Did I really just fucking say "hypegasm"? The fuck is wrong with me?) 10:50 - 10 Minutes...! The anticipation is murdering me... 10:51 - If this is all just the fucking console I'm gonna be... mildly dissapointed. Seriously, they'd better show off some games for this thing. Not ports or remakes, GAMES. 10:55 - 5 Minuets! Alsmost there...! 10:57 - Shit seems to be quieting down a tad. 10:58 - The overlay is gone now. We're nearly there... 10:59 - Here we go. 11:00 - IT'S STARTING!! Oh shit there's a countdown! 10:01 - Thirty seconds! 10:02 - IT BEGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINS!! 10:03 - President dude is out. Kimishima is here. Talkin' 'bout that Switch. 10:04 - Launch date and price! March 3rd SHIT THAT'S SO CLOSE!! And the price is... 29,980 Yen, $299.99 NIGGAS IT'S PRETTY CHEAP SORTA! You can do online shit with smart devices. Sounds good. 10:05 -  Paid online service?! WTF?! NO REGION LOCKING AWW SHIT YES!! 10:06 - Another dude is comin' up on stage. 10:07 - Just goin' over the previous consoles and controllers. NINTENDO CONSOLES LEND SWITCH YOUR ENEGRY!! 10:08 - Switch Trailer. Shit we already know. Where are the games? 10:09 - Play styles. MK8 Switch gameplay shown. Looks pretty sweet. NEW BATTLE MODE STUFF! 2.5 Hrs to 6 Hrs of battery life. Meh. 8 controllers can connect at once. 11:12 - Game stuff imcoming! Detailed look at the controllers. Looks nice. He's stripping the controllers! Damn, that's lewd. Going over controlls. NFC in the right Joycon. 11:13 - Dedicated screenshot button. It's pretty much just all the other consoles merged together. 11:14 - "Sharing the Joy." (LENNY) 11:15 - Red and Blue Joycons! Joycon straps! Tennis time my dudes! 11:16 - Sensors in the Joycon. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WIZARDRY?! REALISTIC ICE CUBE SENSORS CONFIRMED!! 11:17 - NEW GAMES YESSSSSS!! Cowboy game...? Jesus christ this is so cheesy. 11:19 - What is this shit? Fucking western duels and and wizardly? Huh. Not really my thing. 11:20 - 1, 2, Switch? I have no idea what to think about this. Video games without screens. What the fuck. Okay, this is just fucking stupid. 11:21 - This coybow and cowgirl image needs a JoJo edit. Fucking party games, man. 11:22 - Released alongside Switch launch. New game. What is this. Oh god is it fucking sumo? Japanese are weird. 11:23 - Is this... a boxing game? Okay, now i'm confused. Oh shit, the protags looks cute. 11:24 - New IP. Looks fucking lit. Porn is already being drawn. 11:25 - ARMS. God this looks like fun. This is fucking crazy. Little Mac confirmed? 11:26 - Battle showcase. Let's go. Spring Man vs. Ribbon Girl. Wait, Ribbon GIRL?! FUCKING TRIGGERED! 11:27 - "Oh, Spring Man won." Misogyny won lol. Online confired. Spring 2017. 11:28 - A weapon to surpass Splatoon?! No wait here's Splatoon. 11:29 - Looks good! Dark Souls rolling confirmed? 11:30 - New weapons. God this looks INSANE! Splatoon 2! Voiceover guy is very enthused I can assure you. 11:31 - Splat Duelies. I'm already giggling heartily. Missle Launchers. 11:32 - Splatoon 2 coming this summer! 11:33 - "What Squid you think?" 11:34 - Splatoon Mobile game? New Mario game! Oh shit Mario is wrecking this up in New York. OH SHIT SM64-like MARIO!! 11:35 - Mario can toss his FUCKIN CAP?! LIKE A WEAPON?! God this looks so fucking EPIC!! 11:36 - Super Mario Odessey. HIS CAP IS ALIVE WHAT THE FUCK! OH MY GOD I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY! 11:37 - Mario Sight-seeing Simulator. Christmas 2017 WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?! 11:39 - Monolithsoft game. New Xenoblade game? Looks anime as fuck. 11:40 - Xenoblade 2. Looks neat I guess. New Fire Emblem game? Oh shit it is. Fire Emblem. Yeah, that's Fire Emblem alright. 11:41 - Fire Emblem Warriors? Huh, sounds neat. MORE GAMES! Dragon Quest 10 and 11 on Switch. Dragon Quest Heroes. 11:42 - Atlus has a new game. Looks ominous. Is it Persona? 11:43 - Yep, it's Persona. Not really my thing. Another game, this time by Square Enix. Cute pixel art. 11:44 - Project Octopath Traveler? Neat. Oh, and that wasn't Persona I guess. It's Shin Megami Tensei. 11:45 - Dude from SEGA talking now. 11:46 - Dude from SEGS not talking anymore. Todd Howard reveals Skyrim. Nobody is shocked by this. 11:47 - Toddie jerking off the Switch like a pro. Suda51 guy screams like a weirdo. Wonder what he's offering. 11:48 - No More Heroes 3? Cool! I've heard that game is pretty good. 11:49 - And now he's gone. By Suda guy! 11:50 - OH BOY HERE WE GO IT'S (((EA))). FIFA shit. Whatever, don't care. Bill Trinnen doing a bang-up job at translating. 11:51 - You can almost see the truth buried under all his lies. 11:53 - Alright, next person. Sizzle reel time! 11:55 - Sizzle reel end! Lots of games. 11:56 - Talking about what's included in the purchase. Can't wait for the memes and YouTube Poops. 11:57 - Two versions, only difference is the Joycon colours. 11:58 - OH GOD THE ENGRISH!! Events kicking off for Europe. More events later. Nice. 11:59 - REGGIE TIME! *Insert standard reference* Reggie knows that we meme. 12:00 - "Man, WHAT GAMES." Breath of the Wild. Where is it? 12:01 - Reggie snitching on Miyamoto. No bitch niggas, no snitch niggas. This sketch boy. 12:02 - Breath of the Wild release date is... AWW MORE TALKING. Support earned. One more thing! 12:03 - Breath of the Wild trailer. Looks gorgeous! Master Sword confirmed! 12:04 - God this looks awesome! SAND BOSS! Water Arrows? 12:05 - NAKED ZELDA?! Damn! Red-Haired cutie confirmed. GOGONS CONFIRMED!! OH DAMN THERE'S TOO MUCH SHIT! 12:06 - Release date? MARCH 3RD BABY IT'S A LAUNCH TITLE!! 12:07 - Stream is over. Pretty good. 7/10 perfectly satisfying.