#and then the biggest fucking goober on earth the next

[thatgoddamngingerundercut]

‘Butter’ Jacket Shoot Sketch Day Three - Jin

[demonspawnshell]

The Evil Goobers Quotes

Alex and Phillip come from @alice-angel12x

—————————

Phillip, walking in with blueprints:Hey Boss I got a new— WHAT THE HELL?!

Alex, casually sitting on Phobus’ lap as Phobus sleeps: What? He said he couldn’t sleep alone.

He has no idea how it can be interpreted.

—————————

Phillip: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Phobus does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff?

Alex: If Phobus were to jump off a cliff, they would’ve done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Phobus jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Phillip:You jump off a cliff!

Alex: Gladly. Provided Phobus did first.

—————————

Phillip, walks into the kitchen to see Phobus: Phobus, it's 3 in the morning! Why on earth are you making chocolate pudding?

Phobus: Because I've lost control of my life...

—————————

Phobus: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

—————————

Phobus: How do you want your coffee?

Phillip: Black, like my soul.

Phobus:...

Phillip:...

Phobus: Phillip, your soul is a latte.

—————————

Phillip: I know one person who finds me funny!

Alex: Okay, who?... and you can't say yourself!

Phillip: Okay then I'm out.

—————————

Phillip: Capitalizing every word in a sentence is vomit inducing.

Phobus: Enjoy Your Trip To Puke Land, Boy!

—————————

Phillip: CHARACTER. FLAWS. ARE. FUCKING. IMPORTANT.

Phobus: Me when someone tells me to stop eating mayo packets like they’re gogurt tubes.

—————————

Phobus: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Alex: Sure!

Alex: Whats your favorite color?

Phobus, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

—————————

Phobus: You’re overthinking this.

Alex: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Phobus. What if I’m underthinking?

—————————

Phillip: I have a bad feeling about this...

Alex: What do you mean?

Phillip: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?

Alex: No?

Phobus: That actually explains so much

—————————

Phillip: Alex said its my turn with the brain cell.

Phobus: Square up.

—————————

Phillip: I feel like I can be myself around you.

Alex: You’re weird and quiet around me.

Phillip: Yes.

—————————

Phillip: Astrology is fun because i can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a Gemini and not symptoms of mental illness.

Phobus: Being a Gemini is a mental illness. That’s not hate it’s just a fact.

—————————

Phobus: I’m really glad “fight me” has replaced “sue me” in the common vernacular because I don’t have money, but I do have fists and I am always angry.

—————————

Phillip: Oh, here’s my award for the most rules broken!

Phobus: That’s not an award, it’s an angry letter from our boss.

Phillip, hanging it on their wall: Well, it has the word ‘most’ in it, so I’m calling it an award!

—————————

Phobus: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!

Alex: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time

—————————

Phillip: Well, needless to say. Uh-oh Spaghetti-os.

—————————

Phillip: Look, Phobus! It's the good Kush!

Phobus: It's the dollar store, how good can it be?

—————————

Phillip: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.

Phobus: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.

—————————

Alex: I hope you have an explanation for this.

Phillip: We have three, actually!

Phobus: Pick your favorite.

—————————

Alex: I like to play this game called nap roulette. I take a nap and don’t set an alarm. Will it be 20 min or 4 hours? Nobody knows. It’s risky and I like it.

—————————

Alex: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.

Phillip: "If"

Phobus: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

(Foreshadowing :0)

—————————

TBA; Most quotes came from

Others are from me :]

[forestwater87]

Hey! It's the one who wanted fanfiction writing advice and how to sorta join the fandom. So, I am currently writing a werewolf! au for Gwenvid, and I was wondering if I could ask you something (well, multiple somethings lol)? One, what are things you would like to see in a Gwenvid fic? Two, do you have any advice for writing a good first chapter? Mine is kind of short and not too good, but yours are super good. Three, how would Gwen react to becoming a werewolf? Scared or excited? Thanks!

Oooh, fun! I don’t know if I’m the best authority on this, but I think I have a couple followers who might also have some good insights. Let’s see . . .

Things I personally go feral for in Gwenvid fics:

That UST. Pining, longing, yearning -- whatever you wanna call it, all those little glances at each other then looking away when they get caught staring, getting distracted by a brush of skin against theirs or the other one looking amazing just out of nowhere, standing too close without realizing it and then awkwardly coughing and backing away . . . all of it. These two goobers in love with each other and completely oblivious is just . . . idk, it’s obviously personal preference, but that will-they-won’t-they dance is one of my favorite things about pre-established-relationship Gwenvid, and something I never get tired of. (Also, just saying: werewolf transformations have the distinct side effect of the werewolf waking up partially or completely naked in the forest. It’s a scenario ripe for awkward and/or hilarious situations.)

If they’re in an established relationship already, it’s all about those little domestic things. I mean, there can be domestic things even before they’re dating, because they live together for like 3-4 months out of the year so they have a routine going, but things like one of them keeping the light on for the other without thinking, making coffee/tea and leaving everything laid out just the way the other one likes it, communicating (or even arguing) with just a look, all the casual lil touches of two people so comfortable with each other that it’s automatic at this point. It’s an essential part of fluff that I sometimes feel is overlooked in favor of more dramatic hurt/comfort (which is also excellent, to be clear).

BANTER! It’s not so much a canon thing as a fanon one, but the artist formerly known as Ciphernetics basically established flirty teasing and back-and-forth as a staple of Gwenvid’s charm in their earth-shatteringly beautiful fanfiction (that I can’t link because tumblr softblocks posts with links, but if you look at my blog for like 10 seconds you’ll be able to figure out what I’m talking about), and I think everyone’s writing, including my own, needs more banter. They’re so different, after all; why not have them butt heads in a fun way?

Please please please don’t do NSFW if you’re uncomfortable with it, but there is nowhere near enough of it in Gwenvid-land. Just because we’re wholesome doesn’t mean we can’t also be kinky! (Oh man, I just realized I have no idea how old you are. Uhhhh if you’re not an adult just skip this one on by! Or if you are an adult and this ain’t it. It’s like it wasn’t ever here! Poof! I should probably just delete this, but maybe it’ll awaken a spark of inspiration in someone. Lord knows I haven’t been driving the smut train for a while, so I’m just hoping someone else will do my job for me. Plus Gwen would want me to include this suggestion, especially if there are werewolves involved.)

You know, there’s not a lot of action-hero Gwenvid out there, is there? Most of it’s relationship melodrama and domestic fluff, which I love -- obviously, I write it literally all the time -- but with a werewolf AU you have the opportunity for gratuitous violence, and both David and Gwen have proven they can kick a whole lot of ass and deal out (or take) a lot of pain. If you need two people fighting monsters -- or fighting as monsters -- you could do a lot worse than those two. It’d be a fun change of pace that’d work well with their character dynamic.

Writing a first chapter:

I don’t have a ton of advice here that isn’t pretty common, but the biggest thing is to start in the middle of action. This can range in terms of drama: a camp activity going horribly wrong, a nightmare, maybe even David discovering Gwen’s a werewolf. Your story doesn’t have to go in chronological order, after all, so if you have to backtrack in later scenes or chapters that’s not a bad thing in the slightest! 

It’s much better to start with a really exciting, gripping situation and then backfill in the information that matters than starting off with all that boring worldbuilding and exposition. Don’t get me wrong, that worldbuilding and exposition are necessary, but they’re also like . . . I dunno, salt. It’s essential to the recipe, but no one would say it’s their favorite part of a meal, and having to eat a whole pile of it before they get to the good stuff wouldn’t be enjoyable at all. It’s better sprinkled throughout to add flavor to your story as needed.

I like that metaphor! It’s kinda cliche, but I think it still gets the job done.

So yeah, start with something exciting and know it’s okay for your readers to go, “wait, what the fuck’s going on?” That’s kind of a great thing, actually; it establishes mystery and introduces higher stakes, and just gets your readers going. It’s also more fun to write, which is good! (For example, I just read a really great book call The Chill, which opened with a woman tying a bag over her head, weighting herself down with chains, and throwing herself into a river to “join the work.” Who is this person? What work? Did she know she was going to die -- it definitely doesn’t feel like a suicide, but what else did she think was going to happen?? I’m instantly on board, even if the next few scenes were focused on establishing exposition and actually kinda boring. It’s all about that hook.)

To be fair: I don’t do this all that often in my own fics. For every “starting the story with a botched assassination attempt,” we have “starting the story with waking up.” It’s important to have a first chapter that matches and sets the tone of your story; if it’s going to be a rip-roaring action/horror adventure, you’re going to want to start things off with all that stuff I mentioned before. If you’re writing cute fluff, there’s nothing wrong with your in media res chapter opening being an adorable fluffy scene. Compelling doesn’t have to mean scary or action-packed, but more serve as a teaser for what the rest of the story is going to bring. I’ve been leaning on action or thriller stuff because a werewolf AU implies some level of creature-feature monster spookiness, but any tone works as the start of a fic, as long as it’s not “here’s a laundry list of the universe’s rules,” because that’s boring and you can weave that into the rest of your story later. 

As for your other comment, short isn’t bad at all; in fact, if you want to make your first chapter a really short, compelling scene, that can be a great way to draw people in. But I also am a proponent of writing until it’s done, and couldn’t stick to a page or word count to save my life. My chapters are all over the place, and sometimes I’ll randomly chop them up if I feel like it’s going too long but usually I don’t bother. The more you write, the more you develop a feel for when the story, chapter, or scene needs to end, but as you’re starting out you might wanna snag a beta to help you find that stopping place.

Wow, this is long! Awkward! Sorry about that! I’ll make this last one short:

Gwen the werewolf:

I can’t imagine any universe in which she isn’t psyched as hell. I think she desperately wants to be more special and important than she is, and having a sexy monster superpower would only be a good thing to her, regardless of whatever its drawbacks may be. She might get tired of certain aspects of being a werewolf as the honeymoon phase wears off, but in the beginning I think she’d be excited and maybe even relieved.

Anyway, I hope that helps! It’s a lot of rambling, but I imagine you’re used to that by now. :)

[utopianparadoxist]

Dirk Strider is made out of love, prince of my heart, i love him so much.

You didnt ask for this but you put Dirk and love in the same sentence and this is what i’ve been thinking about so lets goIm gonna ramble about how much Dirk would love John Egbert and Jade Harley like, instantly, he did conceptually before he even met them but the instant they meet Dirk is permanently owned and has that many more people he’d happily die for because: Dirk loves Jane and Jake more than life itself, and John and Jade are…their kids basically. And early on Dirk cannot unsee that. The biggest treason this fandom has ever committed to my person is ignoring the fact that Dirk Strider would fucking melt himself to death even looking at John Egbert or Jade Harley and deconstructing all the little ways they’re like Jake and Jane and thinking about his typical self-loathing shit like “god those two would’ve been so happy together I’m such an ass for getting in the way look at them their kids are perfect they’re so good–”  

before Jake like puts his arm around Dirk’s shoulders and all thoughts immediately stop if they’re dating again, it’s probably a source of great angst for Dirk before they are and one of the bigger reasons he stays away. Maybe Jake and Jane will get the idea and be happy together. Someone write this for me thanks. 

Anyway that got too sad so back to Dirk’s relationship with the ectokids. Early on in Earth C John gets the impression Dirk hates him early on and pranks him pretty hard and often but while it kind of annoys Dirk when all his meticulously set up horsecam figurines get their heads swapped (and john breaks some of them in the process) he’s mostly just reminded that things with him and Jane are still awkward enough that he hasn’t gotten this from HER and he’s a torn up bag of “Fuck I miss her” and “Fuck I can’t believe how much I care about her goober ecto-son already” and NONE of this gets across his stoic demeanor so all john gets is that poker face. It takes them fucking forever to be actual friends and I’m not sure what does it but its probably the formidable teamwork of Jake and Dave who get sick of the awkwardness eventually. Meanwhile Dirk is 100% in awe of and terrified of disappointing Jade Harley who he A) cannot stop thinking about as JAKE’S GRANDMA and “OH GOD WHAT IF SHE DISSAPROVES WHAT IF I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH WHAT IF-”- and B) Cannot stop thinking about as SO MUCH like Jane it kills him. She’s so no-nonsense and down to business and whenever he starts rambling too much about philosophy or some bullshit she just looks at him like … and he’s like “Ok I’ll shut up.”  The way Jade moves in a science lab is EXACTLY like Jane moves in a kitchen (or later, a business meeting) and Dirk knows because he learned the ins and outs of that movement by heart across so many video cam sessions growing up. Everything about Jade Harley destroys Dirk and he thinks she’s the fucking coolest and there’s basically no part of him that didn’t love her from the word go Dirk manages to work up the will to keep everyone else (but Jake) out of his private garage but not Jade, Dirk’s got all this futuretech practice and as SOON as Jade catches wind of this she’s like “Hey dirk! Alt!Callie handed me the secrets of the universe and basically i need a bigger workshop and better science can you help me out” and that’s basically his main project for the next two years is catching Jade up on 400 years of scientific progress (Jake tags along) and having to work on his weirdo animatronic shit that he was GOING to use his garage for originally in like, one of the cramped floors of Jake’s jungle globe insteadBut it’s fine cause it makes Jade happy and getting to be helpful to Jade is like a dream come fucking true and Jake is so happy whenever he and Jade get to talking about some interesting intersection of philosophy and science or furries or whatever. The first time Jade gives him a friendly smack on the back Dirk jumps so hard he hits the roof.

Give Dirk Strider love thanks