#and then staying asleep is another pain 🥲

[anadiasmount]

anything dad!jude pls we beg 🥲💕

safe and sound - jb blurb.

tiny insta au at the end 😉

“cranky, just like your mama,” jude baby talked as he shook the bottle, while his babygirl eva fussed and crinkled her nose upset. “here you go, let’s go sit on the bed with mommy.” jude made sure all the lights were off downstairs and doors were locked before gently going upstairs to your room.

“jude?” you called out, he yelled back a yeah seeing you finishing up your skincare routine by your vanity, pulling the covers down so he could sit with eva in his arms. “she’s so sleepy, i felt so bad waking her up,” jude whispered as you walked in now changed in your pjs and hair in a messy updo.

“i know but if we hadn’t she wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight,” you replied joining him sitting up on the bed. “but seeing her so excited and intrigued today, gosh i can’t believe she’s so big now. like you mean to tell me she was this small” jude pinched his fingers and squinted his eyes, “and now she’s almost one? where’d all the time go,” jude frowned, visibly upset that his babygirl is growing up so fast.

eva’s eyes were heavy, fluttering often as she drank her bottle and cuddled into her daddies embrace, the warmth and comfort helping her soothe so she could fall asleep quicker. jude traced her brows and the tiny birthmark on her cheek, kissing her forehead and giving her the most undeniably attention. “it feel like just yesterday where we found out we were expecting. the late night runs to the grocery store, the baby shower, i wish to do it all again,” jude said, kissing your temple as you leaned and laid on his chest.

“and we will, but we want to enjoy these special moments with her. for so long and give her the most happiest childhood. if we rush into having another kid i feel like we won’t get to experience and enjoy it. we have all the time in the world you know?” you said your hand coming up to trace eva’s cheek, where she was no fully asleep, lips pursed and brows pulled in. “she looks exactly like you when she’s asleep,” jude laughed.

“does she really?” you say confused, now noticing the probability of it.

“exactly like her momma,” jude leaned down and kissed you sweetly. “when you say do it all again… does that mean…” jude said unsure, feeling those similar jitters he once felt when you had surprised him with the unexpected news of your pregnancy. happy, scared, but overall thankful. thankful for the life he’s getting to build day by day along with you.

“i mean as in a few years maybe two or three we can try again for our second baby,” you whispered butting your lip as jude stared at you with adoration. “you make me the happiest man, you have no idea baby,” jude smirked, “don’t be getting any ideas now! just because i say that won’t mean we won’t have precautions,” jude pouted but shook his head understanding the boundaries you were setting.

while most of your pregnancy went smoothly, there was times where you felt just so stuck. the back pain, the headaches with no use of medication, the nausea and loss of appetite, being unable to sometimes keep your food in and throwing up. you felt useless but jude was there everytime to remind you to take it easy and that there was no rush, that both you and the baby mattered, as he held you close to him.

jude gently still rocked eva in his arm, making sure she was fully asleep before he went to leave her in her crib. the last thing he wanted was to stay up with a crying baby who refused to go to sleep. he had learned that back then when you had gone to a girls trip. the restless nights and getting a taste of what you dealt with when he wasn’t here.

“sometimes i can’t believe it’s real. that we made this tiny beautiful human,” jude sighed watching as eva slept peacefully. “im so incredibly happy, i just love you both so much,” and there he was again, despite you being with mixed hormones jude was always the sappy and emotional one during your pregnancy and after. “jude were not going anywhere,” you laughed, hugging him and pressing kisses on his cheeks as he cried.

“i know, i know, you know how i am,” you wiped his tears still giggling from the random outburst. “as long as you’re here next to me with eva, it’s all i need to be okay. to feel safe,” jude said kissing you feverishly. “i love you both so much, never forget that. i mean it,” he said seriously at the end. “if you ever decide to leave me just know-”

“jude im not going to leave you, quit it with that. do i have to remind you of this,” you flashed your engagement ring, “or this?” then grabbed the the pendent with his initials and eva’s on your necklace. “or this?” you said a bit louder, pointing to the tattoo dedicated to him. “that’s the best gift you could ever give me,” he smirked proudly, kissing the inside of your wrist where the ink was.

“i could always get it removed…”

“don’t!”

———————

judebellingham + ynusername

liked by: ynusername, vinijr, gioreyna, jobebellingham, andreamartinez, adidas, yourfriend, user129, and 996,390 others!

judebellingham: day out with mis dos amores 🤍

comments:

ynusername: ily hubby 😘

ynusername: MYY BABIESSS

ynusername: eva’s chunky legs im in love!! 😣😣

ynusername: ok stalker, catching me off guard 😒

jobebellingham: no invite? okay i see how it is 😒

vinijr: 🤍

gioreyna: sooo adorable! little eva is so big now! ❤️

comments are limited!

———————

ynusername added to their stories!

[roses-and-elixir]

.

[danikamariewrites]

Could you please write Manorian x Reader where the reader has period cramps and the two of them stay and take care of her?

Lay With Me?

Manorian x reader

A/n: I have been dying to write Manorian so writing them being soft and comforting as my first fic for them has me kicking my feet giggling. Also i just got my period the other day so im projecting bc i need them 🥲🫠

Warnings: period pains, comfort

Waking up was a chore this morning. You did your best to hide your cramps from Manon and Dorian. Of course they acted like they believed you, but they saw right through your little act. You never liked making a big deal about feeling unwell.

Attempting to eat breakfast almost made you vomit. Instead of getting dressed you made your way to the private dining room in comfy sleep clothes, wrapped up in Dorian’s black fluffy robe. Taking a whiff of the eggs and bacon waiting for you on the table had your stomach churning. Pouring a cup of steaming coffee you make your way back to bed.

A wave of cramps hits you as you lay down, forcing you to curl up into a ball. Hoping the pain would exhaust you enough that would just fall asleep.

As you tossed and turned for all of twenty minutes before you gave up on sleep. Dragging yourself into the bathroom you searched the cabinets for a tonic to help the pain. Letting out a frustrated groan after finding nothing you slam the cabinet. Another wave of cramps hits you, bringing a new numbness to your legs.

You quickly wobble to Dorian’s office, knowing you won’t make it all the way down to the healers on your own. Quietly pushing the door open you shyly poke your head in. Before saying anything you watched Dorian work for a bit. Watching his arms flex as he wrote was doing something to you. Gods your hormones are all over the place.

Making your way into his office you plop down in the arm chair across from him at his desk. Curling up into a ball you give him your best doe eyed look along with a sweet pout. Dorian put down his pen, giving you a matching pout. “What’s wrong, darling?” “Will you go to the healers and get me more pain tonic? We’re out and my cramps are really bad.”

Dorian wasted no time in scooping you into his arms, snuggling you close to his chest. “Why didn’t you say something earlier, darling?” He carries you back to the bedroom, placing you down gently. Kissing your forehead he whispers that he’ll be right back.

A few minutes later Dorian comes back with a pouch full of tonics and Manon following holding what you scented is a bag of sweets. Sitting up you licked your lips as the chocolate reached your nose. Manon smirked at you as she dropped the bag on your lap. Dorian hands you one of the tonics kissing your head again.

Settling into bed you dig into your snacks expecting to be left alone. You let out a cute little yelp as Manon sits next to you, pulling you to,lay against her chest. You notice she’s wearing Dorian’s comfy clothes. As you curious look at Dorian you find he pulling on a pair of threadbare pants.

Climbing into bed he lays between your legs on his stomach as he massages your numb thighs. “We want to stay with you. You need us right now, not work. And besides we’re covered.” You snuggle further into Manon’s chest as Dorian’s magical fingers relax you. Your eyes flutter as the pain melts away.

“And, I had the kitchen prepare your favorite dinner which will be up in a few hours. For now just relax darling, we got you.” You run your fingers through his soft raven locks. “You guys are the best,” you hum out before drifting off.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

hii, for comfort purposes; may i request female reader with tummy issues? the reason could be anything honestly because a sensitive stomach gets triggered by literally anything and everything 🥲🥲 characters would be Qin, Hades and Poseidon, separately btw and tysm for taking your time to write for all of us .

-Your stomach churned with pain as you were curled into a ball, a soft whine leaving your lips as you hid under your large blanket, trying to get any sort of relief you could.

-(Love) was getting your medicine, after you ate something you shouldn’t have, as you warned your friend that you couldn’t have specific things due to your digestive issues. They assured you that the food was fine at the party, but here you were, only about an hour later, at home, in intense pain.

-(Love) was furious, he had been since you doubled over in pain at the party, and your friend was shocked and horrified to see that you were telling the truth about your issues, as she had just thought you were faking it for attention.

-He wanted nothing more than to yell at your friend who was trying to apologize, trying to make things right, but his focus was on you and helping you feel better, hopefully without needing to take you to the infirmary again.

-You felt his hand smooth along your back over your blanket, “Here Y/N- I have your medicine.”

-You grimaced, hating your medicine, as it was so bitter tasting, but you slowly sat up, with him supporting you and you downed your medicine, gagging only once which he fought off a smile for, rubbing your back softly.

-He pulled your blanket back around you and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, “I’ll be back Y/N, stay here.”

-As he stood, he paused when he felt you grab his shirt and he turned, seeing you giving him puppy-dog eyes as you let out another soft whine.

-QSH- Immediately was back in bed with you, holding you softly, to not aggravate your tummy any more than it was, “I could never leave when you look so adorable!” You sighed in content, which made him smile as he stroked your hair, hoping the medicine would relieve your discomfort quickly as well as put you to sleep. He had business he needed to take care of.

-Hades- He was torn, and he almost left, wanting to do deal with your ‘friend’ who was the one who did this to you, but seeing you in so much pain, he couldn’t leave you, at least just yet. He sat back down, and you laid your head on his thigh, sighing softly as his nails scratched at your scalp, trying to soothe you, giving you a small smile. He would do anything for you.

-Poseidon- You were the only person who could ever change his mind once he had it set to something. He was going to go have a ‘word’ with your friend, as she did this to you, she put you in this state, this pain- but the moment he saw your bottom lip quiver he had you in his arms, holding you carefully, laying on the bed with you. He would stay with you, at least until you fell asleep.

[salty-autistic-writer]

For @bucktommyweek, June 5: "Bad Weather Days" Title: Healing Love

Summary: Or: One time Buck gets sick, one time Tommy gets sick plus one time they both get sick. (For Bucktommy / Tevan week Day: Bad Weather Days)

~

Buck doesn’t get sick often. 

Usually, his immune system shakes off any kind of bacteria or virus that tries to invade his body. But now, for the first time in years, he’s hit with a sickness like a truck. It might be the flu. Whatever it is, it seems to be the Queen bee of sickness, sending her worker-bacteria everywhere to shut down Buck’s immune system and force him to stay in bed the whole day.

It’s horrible. Ugly. Nasty. And it overwhelmed him in the middle of the night.

Buck’s nose won’t stop running. He can barely breathe. His eyes are red, swollen and itchy. There is a persistent scratching sensation in his throat that forces him to dry-cough every few seconds. His bed is surrounded by crumpled used tissues. He feels too hot in his own skin like he’s boiling from the inside.

Damnit. He can’t go anywhere like this. It’s his day off anyway. Of course, it is. But Tommy and he had a dinner night with a Star Wars marathon - and mind-blowing sex, obviously - planned, since Tommy doesn’t have to work either, which rarely ever happens. Great.

With a heavy heart, Buck pulls out his phone and writes a message to Tommy.

Sorry, we have to postpone movie night, I’m sick. 😷

Tommy answers almost immediately. How sick? 😨 You need a doctor? I can drive you.

Buck smiles through another terrible painful coughing fit. How can Tommy be that cute? He’s so … thoughtful, considerate and sweet. Buck doesn’t know how he deserved this. He’s really not that special. But Tommy looks at him like he is.

He types: Might be the flu. I think I just have to lay here and endure this.😞

Ok. I’ll come over and cuddle you.

Wait, what?! Buck hesitates, his fingers hovering above his phone. Tommy can’t mean that. Buck is one big living bacteria, coming here would surely make Tommy sick too.

But then you’ll get sick too!, he types, frowning.

I don’t care. You need endless cuddles. And tea. And food.

Buck has to bury his face in a pillow for a moment, like an embarrassed blushing teenager. 

Oh God. He is so in love, it’s ridiculous. His stomach is full of fluttering butterflies and his ears are burning and he feels dizzy in a good way. Right now, he wants nothing more but Tommy by his side, fussing over him and taking care of him, if he’s being honest.

Buck never had that. Not like this. 

He wants it. But there’s a persistent nagging voice in the back of his mind, admonishing him: Don’t be a burden, don’t ask for too much, don’t be too demanding, don’t be too much!

Buck swallows. He nervously chews on his lip and types: You’re sure???, while thinking: Please be sure …

Yeah.

Buck smiles and starts to feel a suspicious burning in his eyes. He tries to figure out how he can show Tommy through text what this means to him.  

What did I do to deserve you?🥲

Hmmmm. You booked a helicopter ride into a hurricane?

I did. Thank God, I did, Buck writes back, his heart jumping a loop in his chest.

Yes. Thank God, you did. See you soon, babe. Don’t die.

Buck’s laugh turns into a cough. I’ll try not to.  ~

Buck falls asleep while waiting for Tommy. Fortunately, they already exchanged keys. So he gets to wake up to the smell of tea and soup. And to Tommy, sitting on the edge of the bed, running his fingers through Buck’s sweat-soaked hair. Even though Buck’s head is swimming in fever-induced fog by now, he’s so happy to see Tommy, he smiles and tries to tell Tommy, only to break into a cough again.

“Hey,” Tommy says, worry filling his eyes. He puts the back of his hand against Buck’s forehead and frowns. “You’re too hot.”

Buck groans and leans into the touch. Tommy’s hand is so cool. It’s heaven … “No,” he says, his eyes snapping open, when he feels Tommy’s touch leave. “No. Please. Don’t.”

Tommy puts his hand back. “Jesus, Evan. I think we should get you to the hospital.”

“No. No hospital,” Buck groans, putting his own hand on Tommy’s. “Please. Can’t. I’m sick of it.”

“I get that. After everything you told me, I think they might have a bed with your name on it reserved for you,” Tommy says dryly. “Ok. No hospital. For now. But if the fever rises any higher, I’m going to carry you to my car and drive you to the ER. We clear?”

“Alright,” Buck grumbles. “M fine.”

“You’re really not,” Tommy sighs. “Anyway, we should get some fluids into you, ok? You’re sweating like crazy.”

Tommy is right. And it’s gross. Buck is gross. He grimaces. “Sorry …”

“You got nothing to apologize for, kid,” Tommy says, his fingers brushing Buck’s hair back from his forehead. “Now let me get you some tea and soup, alright?” ~

“Are you not scared of getting sick?” Buck croaks, his head resting on Tommy’s chest. They’re together in Buck’s bed now, after Tommy cleaned up and fed Buck soup and made him enough Chamomile tea to last a whole day. He also got Cough syrup and lozenges. Not to forget the month’s supply of Ibuprofen.

Buck feels better already. It’s so nice to be taken care of. He could get used to this. And he slowly reaches the point where he can actually allow himself to enjoy this. It feels like Tommy's care makes the bad intrusive thoughts fade away into an inaudible static noise. Drowned out by the heart-fluttering rhythm of I'm loved.

“No, I have a pretty strong immune system,” Tommy says with a chuckle. “Also I care more about you right now. You shouldn’t be alone like this.”

Buck feels like crying again. “Thank you for being here. I … I wish I could tell you how I feel about this, but, but, but -” He sneezes violently.

Tommy laughs and hands Buck a tissue. Then gives him a kiss on his head. “I know. It’s alright, love. Just focus on getting healthy again, alright? We can talk later, after you stop exploding.”

[alcinaslittlemaid]

🎈𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒆𝒕?🎈

Pennywise 17x Papawise 90! XFem!?Reader

HUGE TW⚠️

I’m depressed again so y’all know what that means?

Comfort and kisses!+Fluff! from the 7ft clown 🥲🎀🎈

Tw: Self harm mention, thoughts of Sewerslide, shitty mental health, medication mention, mental breakdowns, attempts of overdose! Emetephobia!!

The fluff begins in the second ———

Grab a cuppa tea or coffee and Enjoy! 🍷

—————————————————————

You curled up against the large plushies propped up against the wall of your bed, your whole body shaking, your eyes stung from constant tears that streamed down your soft cheeks. Your medication had not worked, causing you to stay up later than usual after pennywise tucked you into bed, before going on a hunt.

You cautiously got up, your mind blank, almost as if you were in a thoughtless trance, you began to make your way to the bathroom. Dried tear tracks coating your face, your pressed a sharp, metal blade into your arm deep, fresh tears dripped down your face, blood gushing out of your arm as you picked up a bottle of pills from the cabinet and began taking them all at once. Stood there staring into the mirror, the room began to spin violently, your throat filling with vomit and your motions becoming mindless and slurred, you became dizzy and suddenly everything went black as you numbly felt your body smack into the floor. ————————

You felt your body be lifted from the cold, hard bathroom floor, spit trailing from your lips causing a long line of drool behind your body.

“Is she alright?” A gruff voice echoed out in your unconscious state “she will be…” a raspy voice answered back as the sound of water sloshing filled your ears in an echoey way “what in the georgies dismembered arm happens to her arms?” The gruff voice sounded concerned “Long story, I’ll tell you don’t worry” the raspy voice replied. Suddenly, your lips were pressed against another pair, air filling your lungs “Come on Y/n” one of the voices puffed “

You sat bolt right up coughing and spluttering “fuck-“, you choked, vomit filling your throat as you puked into the murky water “Aughhhhh- Ayghhhh” you panted “Cough it up doll, it might be a gold watch” papa chuckled, happy that your alive “Now come here” you were suddenly dragged into a bear hug by pennywise, his soft, silk suit rubbing against you “Oh little lamb~ you scared me half to death, I thought you were a goner” You swear you could hear his voice breaking, his heart was racing in his chest

“Come here darlin” papa said pulling you into his arms, holding a fresh cup of water “here clear out your immune system a little” you nodded and almost downed the water immediately “Woah, Woah Woah doll face, slow down you’ll give yourself hiccups” he chuckled again before laying you down in penny’s nest pulling the blankets over you, penny dragging an anti bacterial wipe over your gushing arms “ARGH SHITT!” You snarled in agonising pain, papa smacked your head with a newspaper he was reading “language babydoll” he growled as he kneeled down by your arm, wrapping it in bandages and pinning them up “Shhhh it’s okay pet, shhh”

Finally, either clowns crawled in on either side of you snuggling into you with they’re arms snaking around as you all fall asleep, protected, snug and safe.

Penny’s hand snakes into your hair, drawing little circles on your scalp “Mine precious dolly” he purred drooling slightly on your chest❤️

—————————————

I’m sorry for this sob story but again my mental health has declined rapidly so it’s a bit personal 😅

I’ll try not to post as much upsetting stuff

Love you all ❤️❤️

[pricescigar]

Albert Wesker treating you when you're sick – HC's

Admin note: I know, I know I haven't done one of these in a long time. So please take this as forgivness? 🥲

Photo belobgs to me!

No gender specified, for everyone to enjoy ❤️

CW: being unwell, Mentions of vomiting, fluff, daddy kink

You being sick doesn't stop you from doing your day to day tasks, even if it is a little sniffle here and there or a chesty cough

But the one man you cannot fool is your beloved Albert, sure he is a mad scientist but he does know the basic functions of the human body.

He could tell from your tired eyes, sluggish movements and pale face... You're sick, you need to rest.

"You need to rest." The familair stern yet soft voice of Wesker could be heard

Of course as usual you protested as per usual, but it wasn't long before Wesker had scooped you up in his arms, taking you in his arms.

As much as you hated to rest, you knew Wesker wouldn't leave you alone. And so you gave in, allowing him to take you to bed... Helping you get into your pyjamas and putting the covers over your body.

You almost even fell asleep in his arms as he carried you to the stairs.

"Daddy will take care of you..." He would say planting a kiss on your cheek.

Wesker would watch you like a hawk, when you was resting. He knew how stubborn you was about resting.

He noticed how much of a temperature you had and do he got a damp cold flannel placing it on your head trying to get your temperature back to normal.

If you was feeling sick and wanting to throw up, he'd leave a bucket near or quickly help you to the bathroom.

Rubbing your back in comfort, getting you water to ease your stomach too.

During Lunch time he made you something light to ease your stomach, soup was light and would always make you feel better

He even watched movies with you, whatever you wanted to watch ... He'd put it on for you. Anything to make you feel better.

Even if you fell asleep on him he'd wrap his arm around you, keeping you close to his chest as you rested.

During dinner time it was prodiminately warm food, anything to get your body sweating. If you wanted to get better, you would have to sweat the sickness out of you.

No matter how much you whined if you was hot or cold, he'd put another blanket over you along with the bed covers.

"Do you want to get better? Then you need to sweat it out if you do." Wesker would grin at you a little, not once did he leave your side he always stayed with you.

Aside from Water, tea, he also gave you vitamin drinks every day. (Or Juice) He was pretty serious about your health, he was taking no chances.

Even during the night when you struggled to sleep, or your body was aching in pain. He was there to comfort you, holding you closely. Softly humming.

Sometimes he'd tell you a story, or talk about anything... The sound of his voice helped you sleep.

He wouldn't sleep until you fell asleep.

If it came to a situation where he would go to work in his office for a little bit in his home, he'd leave the stuffed bear he got you, putting his cologne on it. Making sure it smelt like him.

(You may have stolen one of Albert's shirts too to put it on the bear, and maybe his glasses as it works rest ontop of the bears head)

The whole week he never left your side helping you get better every step of the way, he hated seeing his little dove get sick.

When he noticed you was feeling much better the next week, he would smile in accomplishment knowing that you was okay now.

"I would always care for you..." Wesker whispered planting a few kisses down on your neck.

-

Apologies if it's so short! 🖤

[raspberrybesitos]

Space Cowboy | din djarin x f!reader

Main masterlist

Summary: Before Din became one of the most notorious bounty hunters in the galaxies, he was in love with you. The two of you shared a wonderful life together. However once he joined the Guild, things between you two shifted. Din became increasingly dedicated to hunting quarries, pushing you to the bottom of his priorities. Thus, leading you to make the hardest decision of your life. They say if you love something, set it free.

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Word count: ~4k

Warnings: kissing, probs inaccurate star wars lore, Din Djarin is referenced as Din in this and i’m not sorry, very little fluff, fools in love, no mention of hair type/skin color/body type, NO USE OF Y/N, desperate!Din, angst with no happy ending, flashbacks, POV switching, Din unintentionally shuts reader out, reader is neglected, this is just sad 🥲

A/N: This idea is loosely based off Space Cowboy by Kacey Musgraves. I was with my bff and we both agreed that whole album is extremely Din coded while we listened to it. She actually inspired the idea for this one shot! so full creds to my twizzy ily 👯��♀️ i cranked this out in 2 hours before falling asleep, Din has been rotting my brain as of lately. let me know what you think! please feel free to send me asks or leave your thoughts in the comments 🫶🏼 not beta’d, all mistakes are my own.

Divider by the lovely @saradika 🩵

“Din, my love,” you stir from your slumber, calling out to him in the Razor Crest. No answer, as usual. He’s been on this bounty for a week now when he said it’d take no longer than 4 days. Your comm link had broken, not having time to grab another before you two set off on this journey. Sighing, you rise to your feet and make the bed. Wandering through the ship, you open the door and watch the ramp descend. You begin your usual, mundane walk around the forest in which the ship is parked.

Since joining a year ago, Din has grown increasingly distant as he establishes himself in the Guild, set in his dedication to them. While you’re happy your partner has found a burning passion, you do miss him. Never really around and when he is, his mind is somewhere else - not with you.

Lost in thought, you don’t hear the rustling in the bushes. “Cyar’ika!” Din’s voice pierces the air, startling you. “Oh! My love! You’re back,” sighing, relieved to see him. “I told you to stay on the ship. We don’t know what’s out here,” he says, short and curt as he lugs the quarry to the ship.

Stealing a glance at the quarry, mindful not to use his real name. “Mando, you can’t possibly expect me to stay confined to that ship for days while you’re off doing stars knows what!” Anger courses through your veins, his words sending you into a fit of fury. He shoves the quarry up the ramp, you following in tow. “He not treating you right, pretty lady?” Din tightens his hold onto him, the quarry yelping in pain. “What?! I can’t ask a question?!” “No. You can’t,” Din grits as he tosses him into the cargo hold, freezing him. Din closes the ship door, bringing the ramp up.

“Din! Do you really expect me to stay inside the ship for days at a time?!” You shriek. “Yes! I do! I already have enough to worry about, I don’t need to add you to the list too,” he spits. “Your list? So I’m one of your quarries now?!” He scoffs at your words, grumbling as he ascends the ladder. “I don’t have time for this.”

“Of course you don’t. You never do,” you mutter as he walks away. He freezes, climbing down the steps. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Your chest heaves, words forming on your lips before you even realize. “You never have time for me anymore! I never see you! You’re constantly away on these hunts, while you stick me in here like I’m some sort of doll! And even when you are here, you ignore me half the time! It’s been a year, how long do you expect to me go on like this?!”

“Go on like what?! You know I’m working my way up in the Guild, you knew this was going to be a big adjustment. I told you this when I joined.” You fight back tears that threaten to spill over, battling to keep your composure. “I know that, Din! I do! But I’m lonely, I miss you! Is that so hard to understand?” You plead. “I’m here with you when I’m not out on a hunt, how could you miss me?” He asks, oblivious to your pain, your needs.

“When you’re here, you stare out the window the majority of the time! Tracking your quarries, talking to Karga, finding who you need to pick up next, only ever acknowledging me when you return or before bed! You don’t even sit and have dinner with me anymore,” you explain exasperatedly. “So because I’m busy doing my job and not sharing a ration pack with you every night, you’re upset?”

It takes every fiber in your being to not let your tears fall. Blinking them back, you swallow them down. “That’s not what I mean, Din.” Your voice wobbled and hushed. “Then what do you mean, cyar’ika? I’m trying to provide a better life for you, for us. A life where you have all the things you deserve,” Din says. “I don’t care about any of that, Din. My life will always be better with you in it, no matter where we are or what we have, or lack.”

“You said you’d support me when I joined the Guild.” “And I do! It’s not that I don’t support you, Din, I-,”

“Then what is it?” “Please, stop twisting my words. We never argue like this. My love… please.” Despite not seeing his face, you know your words have gotten to him. He lets out a modulated sigh. The silence hangs heavy in the air until it’s interrupted by an incoming call from Karga on Din’s comm link. “I’ve gotta take this, cyar’ika.”

Fighting back tears is a losing battle. “Okay,” you whisper, pushing past him and into the refresher. Din sighs as you shut the door behind you. He doesn’t know what’s worse - the fact that you didn’t slam the door or that he wishes you did. As he ascends the ladder to take the call, he hears a sniffle from the refresher. Torn between you and the call, he continues his way up the ladder.

Silently sobbing into a towel on the floor, your body rattles as you attempt to control your breathing. It’s no use, he refuses to see why you’re upset. He used to be so empathetic with you, so open and tender. Now, it’s like you might as well be his colleague, one that he barely speaks to merely out of obligation. Your heart shatters at the thought, wondering if his love has also faded away along with the Din you once knew.

Picking yourself up, you splash water on your face - grateful for the icy chill to revive you. You open the door, tip toeing out into the ship. Peering around the corner, you check to see if Din has gone to bed. The bed is empty and made, seemingly untouched. A defeated sigh escapes your lips. You quietly ascend the ladder, peeking inside the cockpit. Din sits in the pilot seat, as the ship moves through hyperspace, the blue light reflecting off his armor.

Fighting an internal war, deciding if you should stay or give him space, you ultimately decide on the latter. You clear your throat before leaving. He whips around in his seat.

“Where are we going?” “Back to Nevarro. I’ve finished for now. Karga wants to meet with me for a special bounty.” Your chest aches. “Oh. Okay. How long until we get there?” “About 2 days.”

“Okay. I’m going to bed.” Thick, heavy silence ensues again. “Okay, cyar’ika. Good night.” You flash him a pained, small smile. “Good night, Din. I love you,” you say, voice unsteady. There’s a beat before he speaks. “I love you too.” It’s silly to even hope that he’ll join you, but hope is all you can hang onto to stay sane for the next 2 days.

You descend the ladder and climb into the small cot you two normally would’ve shared. It feels so big despite its size. Burying your face into his pillow, fat tears fall from your eyes again. Your chest on fire as your lungs burn from heaving. You tire yourself out from sobbing, falling into a deep sleep.

You wake after stars knows how long, eyes burning as you crack them open. Swollen and puffy, it hurts to keep them open. You stretch and climb out of bed, rubbing your head to soothe the intense ache. Climbing up the ladder, you see Din isn’t in the seat anymore and you’re no longer in hyperspace. Stepping down, you hear the refresher door hiss as it opens. Din steps out, adjusting his helmet. He smells clean, like his piney soap. He must’ve taken a shower. He freezes as he sees you standing in front of him.

“Cyar’ika,” he nearly whispers. “Din.” He winces at the use of his name, not used to it tumbling from your lips as you typically call him your ‘love.’

“How’d you sleep?” “Good. How long did I sleep for?” “About a day.” You’re taken aback a bit. You’ve never slept that long before. “Oh.” “I didn’t want to wake you. You looked peaceful.”

I definitely didn’t feel that way, you silently think. “I wish you had joined me,” you can’t help but admit. “You also know sitting in that chair isn’t good for your back.” He sighs at your words. “I know, cyar’ika, but I didn’t know if you wanted me there.” Your brows scrunch, lips turning into a frown. “I always want you next to me, Din. Even if we have a disagreement beforehand, I’ll always want you by my side.”

“I’ll always want you by my side too, cyar’ika. Which is why I need your support as I advance in the Guild,” he says. “Din, I do support you, I can’t stress that enough. I just wish you’d hear what I’m saying - see where I’m coming from,” you sigh. “This job that Karga wants me to take pays very well. It’ll greatly assist us in buying a house somewhere one day. A house where we can raise a family.”

“Din, what part of ‘I don’t care where we are just as long as we’re together’ do you not understand? A house doesn’t mean anything to me if you’re never going to be home. That’s no life for a family. You are my home. All I’m asking for is more time with you, my love. You haven’t kissed me in over a week,” you ramble.

“I need you, cyar’ika. I always will… but right now, I need to take this job. To set up our future for success. I’ll give you everything you ask for very soon, cyar’ika, I promise,” he says, completely disregarding everything you’ve just said.

“How soon, Din?!” You ask, your throat burning. “I don’t know, but soon!” Fat tears cascade down your cheeks, taking in a deep breath.

“Aren’t I enough, Din?” You hiccup, your cheeks soaked in sorrow. “Of course you are enough, cyar’ika! More than enough, why would you ask such a question?” He asks offendedly. “Then why do you keep making me compete with the Guild? Why is this job so important? Why won’t you listen to me? Why won’t you talk to me anymore?” You shout, through your tears, voice crackling.

“I’m not making you compete with the Guild. I’ve told you why this is important. It’s for us, for our future children,” he says, growing impatient. “No. This is for you. You’re trying to prove yourself for whatever reason you won’t tell me,” you grit. “I am not trying to prove myself to anyone. I’m the one who is trying to provide for us, trying to make sure we stay afloat. Someone has to. I’m sorry I don’t have time to play house. We need to have one of those first in order to do that,” he spits, frustration boiling over as he raises his voice.

You’re frozen in place, feet glued to the floor. He’s never raised his voice at you. He’s never talked at you before. Your tears pause, body going into shock at his reaction. He’s gone. The Din you fell in love with is gone, floating around in the stardust somewhere in one of the many galaxies you two have traveled through.

“Cyar’ika, I-,” you hold a hand up to him. “No. It’s fine,” you whisper as you walk past him. “Cyar’ika, I’m sorry, that’s not what I-,” You turn around to look at him. “It’s okay, Din. Really,” you whisper, stepping into the tiny chamber that contains your cot, shutting the door. You’ve never shut the door before, but you need to get away from him somehow as you’re confined to this small ship.

Tears drip from your eyes until there are no more, unable to cry anymore. You know what you have to do when you reach Nevarro. With nowhere else to go, you curl into a ball and desperately try to sleep. You drift off, grateful for the painful headache which forces you into sleep.

A knock on the door wakes you from your slumber. “Cyar’ika, we’re landing,” Din says, modulated voice muffled from the outside the door. You wait until you hear his footsteps climb up the ladder and into the cockpit. Opening the door, you grab your single bag and quickly pack what little belongings you have on the ship and hide it under the blanket on the cot.

You hurriedly climb up into the cockpit and situate yourself in the passenger seat, acting as if last night didn’t happen. Painful silence clings to the air. The ship descends and the two of you sit in silence in the process. As soon as the ship lands, you swiftly unbuckle your seatbelt and scurry down the ladder, desperate to get off this ship.

Din follows suit and opens the door, waiting for the ramp to descend. He goes to the cargo hold of the ship. While his back is turned, you grab your bag from under the blanket and hurry out the door and onto land.

Making your way to the cantina, you search for Greef Karga. Spotting him, you wave him down. He greets you with a smile. “Ah! Mando’s girl! How have you been? Where is Mando?” He kindly asks, oblivious to your hastiness. “Uh, he’s still on the ship. Unloading the quarry. Do you think you could help me with something?” He grows concerned at your question. “I’ll do my best. Is everything alright, young lady? Are you hurt?”

You wave him off. “No, no. I’m fine. I just, um. I just need a place to stay while Mando continues working,” you explain. Karga raises a brow at your statement. “He’s not… hurting you is he?” Your eyes pop out of your head at the accusation. “Stars, no! He would never do that! I just need some space to myself rather than stay confined to the ship.” “Okay, okay. I just wanted to be sure. We can arrange something, perhaps you can bunk with Cara. In the meanwhile, I have a spare room you can use as we figure something out.” You smile, relieved that you get to stay here.

“Thank you. Thank you so so much, Karga,” you say, shaking his hand. “Does Mando know you’ll be staying here?” You avoid the question, letting go of his hand. “Are you leaving Mando?” You swallow the lump in your throat. “I can’t do it anymore, Karga. I’m so lonely. It’s for the best,” you whisper, not wanting to air out all the details of your relationship. He frowns, “If you’re lonely, imagine how lonely Mando will be after you leave,” he says. “Please don’t. Don’t do that. I have to choose myself. I’ll choose me first if no one else will,” you say through your crackling voice. Karga just sympathetically nods.

He takes out a ring of keys and removes one, placing it in your hand. “The key to my house. You know which one it is, right?” He asks. You furiously nod. “Go ahead and let yourself in. Don’t forget to lock it after. Take your time,” he says. “Thank you,” you sigh as you firmly shake his hand one more time.

You exit the cantina, heading in the direction of Karga’s house. “Cyar’ika!” You stop walking, whipping your head around at the sound of his modulated voice. Din is running up to you, weapons clanging against his worn armor.

“Where did you go? You rushed off the ship so fast, I couldn’t ask where you went. I was worried,” he huffs. “I came to see Karga,” you say flatly. “For what?” Confusion lacing his voice. “I needed help with something.” “Something I couldn’t help you with?” “Yes, actually,” you explain. “Cyar’ika, what did you need that I couldn’t have helped you with?”

You glance away, unable to bear the sight of him despite his face being covered. Biting back tears, the words begin to form on your lips. “I’m staying here, Din,” you whisper, careful not to say his name too loudly.

“What? Cyar’ika, wait,” Din says. “I’m staying here, Din. There’s nothing that could change my mind. I’m so sorry, my love,” you tell him quietly. “No, no, cyar’ika. Don’t do this,” he pleads, scrambling to grab your hands. “I have to Din,” you quietly rasp through your tears. “No you don’t. Please, cyar’ika. Don’t leave me, I need you,” his voice trembles from behind the helmet. “And I need you too, Din, but until you get what you want out of the Guild, I’ll never have you.” You shake your hands out of his.

“Cyar’ika, please stay. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. I’ll change for you. Whatever it is. Don’t leave me please,” he begs, tears evident in his voice as he collapses to his knees and hugging your middle. A sob wracks your body as you look up to the dreary sky, searching for strength.

“I know you won’t decrease the amount of quarries you take. You’re too stubborn, and that’s part of why I love you. I never want to change you. I love you the way you are, even though we have our differences now. Din, we’ve simply outgrown each other’s needs. My place is no longer with you, at least for now it’s not,” you explain, shaking in the process.

“Your place will always be with me, cyar’ika. I love you, mesh’la,” Din sobs. “And I love you too, Din. I always will. But I need to let you go, let you finish what you need to do. I’ll be here on Nevarro so I’ll see you around whenever you drop by. My love for you will never fade. Who knows? Maybe one day, you’ll come back to me,” you choke. He embraces you even tighter, afraid you might disappear.

“This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, my love. I’m so sorry,” you whisper as you lean down to press a kiss to his helmet. You struggle to unwrap yourself from his grasp. His hands fall to his sides as he looks up at you. “I love you,” you whisper before running off.

Din kneels there for what feels like eternity. “Mando?” Karga’s voice pulls him out of his trance, causing him to rise to his knees. “You knew,” Din says. “I only found out today,” Karga says, clapping a hand on Din’s armor. He shakes it off as if he’d been shot. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t work with traitors,” Din huffs. “I’d be careful of the next words you choose if I were you,” Karga threatens. Din grumbles under his breath.

“Come on. Let’s go talk about that special bounty. Don’t let her departure be for nothing,” he says, holding a hand out to Din. Begrudgingly shaking it, the two men walk off to the cantina to discuss the quarry at hand.

Back on the ship, Din inputs the coordinates for the most-wanted quarry in all the galaxies. His heart shattered into dust, chest feeling hollow in your absence. The ship roars to life as it ascends, Din navigating through the galaxies. Once on track to Arvala-7 and at a steady pace, Din puts the Razor Crest into hyperspace.

He descends the ladder. He’s never felt so empty before. Not since before he met you. Removing his helmet, he trudges into the refresher splashing ice cold water on his face. Stepping back into the ship, he rounds the corner and plops himself onto the cot. A deep sigh rumbles from deep within his soul. He attempts to get comfortable until he feels something hard underneath the pillow. Lifting his head, he reaches under the pillow and feels around for whatever is poking him. Grasping a hold of something, he yanks it from underneath.

His heart stops and his ears ring, deep silence pierces the ship. It’s a note with something enfolded inside. “My love” the front of the note reads. He opens it, a gasp shuddering from his lips. It’s the bracelet he gifted to you after capturing his very first quarry on your first hunt together, the one you wore daily since then. The two of you, younger and more spry. So in love, you looked like a pair of fools. He unfolds the note.

“I love you, Din. I always will. Please don’t ever forget that. This bracelet is a reminder of the moment I knew I loved you. The day we said it aloud. I love you forever. -Your cyar’ika.” He can’t contain the sob that rattles in his soul. Call him selfish, but he hopes he can come back to you one day - hopes he can make you his forever. He lost you once, he won’t lose you twice. Clutching the bracelet, he recalls the sweet memory.

“Cyar’ika?” Din called out to you, your sweet humming rings through the ship and out into the open air, penetrating the barren planet. You insisted on keeping the ramp open, the scorching heat of the planet you stayed on growing overwhelming in the sealed ship.

“In here, my love!” You call out to him from within the Razor Crest. Grunting catches your attention, making you drop the ration pack you were just about to open. Din lugs a quarry up the ramp and into the cargo hold, freezing it in carbonite.

A smile plasters your face as you praise him. “Your first quarry! I’m so proud of you, my love!” You cheer, applauding him. His modulated laugh is like music to your ears. “Thank you, mesh’la,” he says, wiping his gloves on his flight-suit before walking over to you.

He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you flushed against his rusted armor. “I couldn’t have done it without you, my cyar’ika,” he says huskily in your ear. Your smile grows even wider. “I’ll always be here to cheer you on, my love,” you say, toothy smile adorning your face. He brushes a gloved hand against your cheek.

“Close your eyes,” he whispers. You quickly do so, excitedly puckering your lips for what typically comes next. You feel him shift around a bit, fiddling with his sides, making your brows and nose scrunch in confusion. “Open them, cyar’ika.”

You crack them open, confused as to why he didn’t kiss you until you see what he’s holding in his hand. A silver bracelet, a small single charm dangling from it. You gasp as you realize what the charm symbolizes, tears welling in your eyes. It’s Din’s signet - a mudhorn. “Where did you get this? How did you get this? This must’ve cost a fortune, Din,” you whisper through your tears as you gently caress the bracelet in your hand.

“I’ve had it for a while, cyar’ika. And don’t worry about the cost, I’d buy you every galaxy if I could. It’s what you deserve,” he tells you. “What did I ever do to deserve this, my love?” He caresses your cheek once more. “You put up with me.” Your lips pull into a frown. “I don’t put up with you, Din. I love you.” The words leave you before you realize you’re saying them.

Stunned silence punches the air. “Close your eyes,” Din says. “I-,” He cuts you off. “Close your eyes, cyar’ika,” he says more firmly. You do as he asks. The hissing of his helmet rings in your ears. Suddenly, you feel a familiar pressure on your lips, the one you’d waited for earlier.

Din crashes his lips onto yours, capturing them in a hungry, ferocious kiss. You gasp as this one feels different than the rest. His tongue slips inside your mouth, moaning into him. Your knees buckle, but Din catches you before you can fall. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him in closer, desperate to be consumed by him. His large, thick gloved hands roam your back, sending chills up your spine.

You pull back, chest heaving as you gasp for air as you keep your eyes closed. He presses his warm, sweaty forehead against yours. “I love you too,” he whispers. You can hear the smile in his voice, giggling at his words.

“Say it again,” you ask. “I love you,” he says, pressing a peck to your cheek. “Again,” you giggle. “I love you,” pecking your other cheek. “Again.” “I love you,” pecking your nose. “Again,” you laugh louder this time. He muffles it with a firm kiss to your lips.

“I love you, cyar’ika,” he says, pulling away and scooping you up, spinning you around in his arms. You squeal with laughter as you throw your head back, holding onto his head and eyes remaining closed. He laughs with you before setting you down.

“I love you, Din Djarin. Forever, my love,” you sigh. “Forever, my cyar’ika.”

this was my first time writing angst with no happy ending and omg, as a hopeless romantic, it hurt! 😭 but i did enjoy writing this! i’m super proud of it 🥹

i do have a happy din djarin one shot in the works, i promise! it’s a slow burn full of fluff and mutual pining 🤭

should i write a part 2 for these two? perhaps a reunion and they live happily ever after… or another sad ending? 🫣 wondering how Cyar’ika would react when she sees Din has adopted a son… hmmm… 💭

thanks for reading! 🫶🏼

tag list: @gracieheartsspedro @undrthelights @jenispunk @nostalxgic @mandoisapunk @amanitacowboy @bastardmandennis @party-hearses @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @tinygarbage

[lagunapoint]

hey, my friend. it's me again. today I've come to you with sorrow. may I just lay my head on your lap in silence?

warning: 🥲

A freezing shiver ran through him to his bones, and he closed his eyes.

I beg you, forget us. You must be free, you must be happy. Don’t torment yourself with thoughts of us. Of me. I let you go so you could fly. I couldn’t give you anything but suffering. And without me, you must shine.

You are so beautiful. Beautiful in your perfection, in your thoughts, your actions. Always. I couldn’t wish for more than what you gave me. Our time, the time we had, my only real life, real feelings. For you. Forever.

I will never forget it.

Your soft lips, kissing mine either gently or recklessly. Your cozy breath on my cheek. Your warm touches, when you took my hand in yours. I allowed us to hide from prying eyes for a few moments. Could I deny you anything? You are my home. Forever. A home I don’t have. A home I couldn’t give you.

That’s why you must move on.

You were so innocent in your thoughts and dreamed of more. You stole me into your dreams without noticing. You showed me so much that you couldn’t say. And you didn’t know you shared that part with me. Your past, your hopes for a future for us. I couldn’t give it to you. I so much… And I couldn’t deceive you. I wish you would hate me for it. Anger. Rage. Pain. You would have made it through. You made it through everything.

Please, use the freedom I gave you. Show me your happiness. Your smile. Again and again. Love. Not me. Another man. Be with him. I am no longer the one you remember. And I release you over. You deserve to be happy.

But why are you still not flying?

I see your tears in your eyes, and it drives me mad. Why do you stubbornly choose to follow in my footsteps again and again, my heart?

You were always stubborn. Stubbornly tested my patience, asked for more. Your unspoken words curled around your tongue when you stubbornly conveyed them to me through your kisses. You breathed your stubborn desires into my lungs. You stubbornly revealed your graceful neck in an elegant hairstyle. How could I not kiss you that same evening, holding you from behind?

I’m deceiving myself.

I hate anyone to whom you might give your kisses. Give our dreams. But if it makes you happy… I decided that I would no longer come into your dreams when I see you have found solace.

But still, after so many years, you are afraid to fall asleep without a lit candle, in a cold bed, alone. You don’t close the windows. You still paint. You’re freezing. You rub your earlobe between your fingers when you’re anxious. You remember my kisses on your sharp ear, which made you laugh. Do you keep the best of us?

Var lath vir suledin

But I won’t be able to come anymore, and you will find the strength to take a step.

You are free, but I will never let myself go from you. I will accept your anger and that you may not come. Haven’t I made you suffer enough?

But let me, in the end, have one last selfishness. Let me remember you forever, vhenan. To paint you in my dreams, so that I don’t completely lose my mind.

And he opened his eyes. Alone. In the dark.

[kkcauseway]

Life- Joel's POV

Pairing: Joel Miller & f!reader Summary: Life from Joel's perspective. Content/warnings: TW-depictions of childbirth/sickness, lots of family fluff, like so fucking much...Joel Miller is just the most doting husband and father in the entire world! Protective!Joel, no use of Y/N, no outbreak. Characters: Joel Miller, Sarah Miller, Ellie Williams, Tommy Miller, Maria Miller & You Author note: I’m so in love with this I can’t 🥲 hope you enjoy x

Read Life here I Series Masterlist I Main Masterlist

Joel’s day starts off pretty good, for once they get the right size for the headers and so work can be done instantly rather than the usual delays they always seem to encounter on a job.

You weren’t awake when Joel got up for work this morning as you’d spent most of the night tossing and turning, and so when you finally do wake it's not too long before you call him. His phone rings and your name pops up on his screen, so he takes his gloves off and removes himself from the noise.

“Hey Baby, you okay how’d you sleep?”

‘I’ve been sick again, like a lot, I actually feel really bad this morning, but I did sleep for a few hours, I think… hope.’

“Oh Baby…” He sighs “you’ve definitely slept at least for a little cus you were dead to the world when I woke up. Do y’need me to come home?”

‘No no I’ll be okay, I just need to get some food and chill which is exactly what I’m gonna do.’

“Y’Sure you don’t need me, cus fuck work I’ll come?” he laughs.

‘Joel it’s fine, Sarah's still asleep, when she gets up, I’ll tell her we are having a movie day and she can pick, she’ll be happy. I know we don’t usually let her sleep in this late but it’s just easier like this. And I couldn’t face taking her to school today I know that’s bad but-’

“Y’aint gotta explain yourself to me Baby, I know you’re doin’ what’s best f’you. N'that girls smart enough, she can miss a day.” He interrupts.

‘Yeah, she’s our smart girl’ sniff ‘how’s work today?’ you end it with a yawn.

“Pretty good actually, they actually gave us the RIGHT size for the headers! So, we’ve been able to crack on!”

‘WOW! That’s a once in a blue moon occurrence. Today is obviously gonna be a good day!’ you laugh.

“Forever the optimist aren’t you Baby. I hope you’re right!”

‘Ugh hold that thought, I’m definitely gonna be sick again, I’ll speak to you later, kay?’

“Baby I hate you bein' like this, but okay y'look after yourself, and let me know if y’need me to come home. I love you”.

-

When he stops for lunch him and Tommy go to a local café and he texts you to check up on you, the baby had you up basically all of last night and with this bout of sickness hitting you on top, he knows you’re miserable even if you try to stay positive.

“Better check in with the Mrs” he utters to Tommy as he gets his phone out of his pocket.

“Sure, I’ll get these.” Tommy responds with a smile, walking to the counter whilst Joel sits down on a nearby table.

How you feelin Darlin?

He texts you and puts his phone back on the table as Tommy walks over with two BLT’S.

“How’s she doin?” Tommy asks taking a bite of his sandwich as he nods towards the phone.

“Mmm she’s not sleepin’ too good now, think she’s just ready for the baby to be here. I quite frankly am shittin’ myself at the prospect. And she’s been throwin’ up this mornin’ apparently, which is her worst fear. She hates bein' sick especially when m’not there”.

“Sounds like she’s havin’ a time of it, but she’s strong, plus, the dads are supposed t’shit themselves.” Tommy takes another bite. “Dads are supposed to be useless” he says mouth full, before swallowing “but y’all have done this once before so you know what to expect.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” he sighs.

His phone pings then, lighting up with your reply:

Not too bad, having a few pains, nothing like labour though don’t worry, just these fucking Braxton hicks givin me a run for my money on top of all the rest. We’re watching Cinderella so just chilling.

Awh my girls, and as long as you’re okay baby?

He looks to Tommy again. “She says she’s been havin’ pains, but not labour pains. Shit Tommy my heart just at that feels like it’s gonna beat out my fuckin’ chest” he chuckles nervously.

“Ahhh, you’ve got this big brother, no need for you t'shit yourself.”

He takes a big breath then. Looking down at your reply.

I’m okay, feeling no more tired or shitty than I have been. x

I’ll try my best to be home on time Baby. You just keep relaxing today, don’t let me find out you’ve been on your feet doing chores!

Yes sir, I promise. Love you. x

Love you too Darlin, see you tonight x

Joel gets home from work at 5pm, which is the first time in a long time he’s managed to keep good time. He actually makes it home before dinner is even cooking. As he walks in the door Sarah runs to him.

“Hi Daddy!”

“Hey babygirl, y’had a good day?”

“Yeah, it was sooo fun, Mama said I didn’t have to go to school, and I made you both a picture, she put it up in the kitchen!” she says bouncing on her feet.

“Did she now? Well, m’gonna have to go and check that out now aren’t I! Where’s your Mom at?”

“She’s sleeping; she told me to tell you to wake her up when you got home” she points to the living room.

“Okay thank you Baby, now why don’t you go run and get that picture from the kitchen an’ I’ll go check on your Momma?”

“Okay!” she runs into the kitchen.

Joel quietly moves through the house to find you without disturbing you. He find you so at peace wrapped in a blanket asleep. He sits next to you and just watches. God, he loves you so much. And boy is he thankful that you’ve finally managed to get some rest. It makes him smile.

Sarah runs back towards him then, with the picture in tow. “Look daddy!” she shouts as she jumps onto his lap shoving the picture in his face.

“Shhh baby, we’re gonna let Mama sleep some more, so we gotta be quiet okay, but lemme see” he takes it from her with one hand as the other cuddles round her waist.

“It’s you and Mama and me and the new baby!” she whispers as she points to the different people in the picture.

“Oh yeah wow! So, this is our first family portrait as a family of four huh? It’s beautiful I love it!” He kisses the top of her head.

“Thank you, Daddy, it made Mama cry when I showed her and then I felt sad, because she was sad!” She pouts.

“Oh, babygirl m’sure she wasn’t sad, m’sure she was happy, and it just made her a bit emotional.”

“Yeahhh, that’s what she said” she sighs “she said sometimes the baby makes her mind a little crazy.” That makes Joel laugh “So, I spoke to the baby and told them to stop, cus I don’t like it when Mama’s sad.”

He smiles at her, as the picture of you receiving that drawing from Sarah and how it would’ve made you tear up in an instant runs through his mind. You’d have been crying instantly unable to stop the tears, he had the same reaction; instantly watery eyed, but your emotions being so all over the place would’ve made it almost impossible to hide it, he was able to hide it; thank god. He can also imagine Sarah telling the baby off and it makes him chuckle.

“You’re such a good girl aren’t you. Thank you for looking after Mama for me today” he kisses the top of her head. “Now, how about you and I go and get some Chinese takeout for dinner, because we don’t want her cookin’ when she’s so tired do we? And we can leave her to sleep for longer in the quiet then?”

“Okay Daddy, I like that plan, I’ll go get my shoes! I’m gonna get my ones with the laces and try and do them myself again, but I’ll need your help daddy if I can’t.”

“Okay Baby” he whispers back to her laughing lightly.

Sarah jumps down from his lap and runs to get her shoes; he finds a piece of paper and writes a note to let you know where they’ve gone, in case you wake before he’s back. Leaving it next to where you’re sleeping. He tucks your blanket even tighter around you, before lightly kissing your head, you hum in your sleep, in response.

-

It’s whilst they’re waiting on the food that his phone pings again.

Baby needs spring rolls and lots of em please x

😂 I figured after last time don’t worry spring rolls secured x

God I love you x

-

They’re back within half an hour, Sarah instantly running to the kitchen to carefully get plates after she demanded she be the one to get them now she’s ‘a big girl who does her laces herself’. So Joel walks into the room finding you slowly moving your body as you exhale, a hand on the underside of your belly. Shit.

He puts the food on the coffee table.

“Baby what’s wrong?”

“Just another one of them stupid fake pains, I’m okay don’t worry.”

Joel feels himself getting nervous, thankfully the food helps that feeling to die back down.

At 8pm Joel puts Sarah to bed, as he’s tucking her in and goes to give her a kiss on her head, her very sleepy face is replaced with a quizzical look. He can see the cogs whirring in her mind at a sleepy pace.

“Daddy when’s the baby gonna come?” she questions following it by a yawn.

He squats next to her bed so he’s eye level as he talks to her “soon babygirl, any day now.”

“Mm, I had a dream last night the baby was already born and when I woke up and it wasn’t true, I was sad.”

“Soon baby you won’t need to feel sad about that, when the baby is here, we will have them forever, that’s excitin’ ain’t it?”

“Yeah! I can’t wait!”

“Now the sooner you go to sleep babygirl the closer we get to meetin’ the baby, time goes very fast when you sleep doesn’t it that’s what you always say? So shut those beautiful eyes and before you know it the baby will be born”.

“Okay Daddy, I can't wait! Night night.”

“Night babygirl, I love you” he says as he stands, bending to kiss her head.

“Love you too Daddy.”

After softly shutting her door- but not all the way because she doesn’t like her door shut- he’s quick to return to you. He can tell somethings off. Once he’s made his way back downstairs you’re eagerly sat up waiting for him.

“She wasn’t too sad I didn’t come up to say goodnight, was she? I just can’t handle the stairs right now; my body is so tired.” You whine as you look to him.

“No baby of course not, I’m sorry you feel so shit” he responds as he comes to sit next to you, rubbing a hand over your thigh.

“Fuckkk” you suddenly utter sucking in a breath.

“Another one already, really?” he jumps forward a little.

You just nod as you let out a little moan.

Fuck. -and this isn’t even the real thing yet, he’s gonna be a mess.

This continues for the whole night in the most random of sequence. Until he feels enough is enough “Baby I know we are timin’ these as best we can, but they’re all over the place, I think we should just stop with this now and try to relax you? It’s obviously not labour.”

“Yeah, I’m just stressing myself out even more. They aren’t coming, I'd know if they were, although” you look down to your stomach prodding at it as you add “I do not appreciate this, thank you very much.” You sigh whilst he laughs at you telling off your unborn child. You then add “let’s just put something on tv and relax. God my body is so tired though, I hope it’s not long till it’s over.”

“I know darlin’, they’ll be here soon, and then you can relax. Not long baby” he cuddles you close.

You settle back down then trying your best to get comfortable.

-

A sudden wince within the quiet of the room as the tv plays softly makes Joel jump. He looks to find you rubbing just under your ribs.

“You havin’ another one baby?”

“No, just kicking my ribs, bloody rascal… here” you take Joel’s hand positioning it where you had just felt the foot? Of course, nothing happens, typical. The baby will kick and kick but when there’s an audience eagerly awaiting the show they stop. Thankfully all it takes is you pushing his fingers into the spot for the baby to respond.

Joel feels his heart melt, and he becomes overwhelmed with emotion. He’s so excited to be a dad once more even if he is petrified. “My perfect baby” he whispers as he strokes the spot.

About half eleven, your head is droopy on Joel’s shoulder, you feel super tired, and you think it best to take advantage of the moment, going up to bed now in hope that when your head hits the pillow, you’ll be able to sleep. Joel is close behind, watching as you carefully get yourself comfortable in the bed. He can see how much you’re aching, how difficult it is for you to move at all, but you still do it so gracefully, so beautifully. You’re just this ultimate beauty that he adores.

“Think I’m gonna have a bath in the morning if I still feel like this, maybe that will help?” It’s more of a question than a statement.

“Sounds like a good idea baby, now you go try and sleep I’m just gonna use the bathroom then I’ll snuggle up next to you.”

“Okay, night cowboy”

“Night beautiful, I love you” he bends to kiss your lips.

“Love you too.”

Joel stops off at the nearby storage cupboard before entering the bathroom, getting out one of the fluffy towels he knows you love so much. He places it onto the toilet seat lid ready for your morning bath if you decide on it. Then he makes his way back to you, the room is dark, he listens to your breathing for a second and by some miracle, you are in fact asleep.

He climbs in carefully next to you. “Sleep well baby” he whispers to you before placing a soft kiss to your shoulder as he snuggles up to your back, pulling you closer to him. He drifts off within seconds so happy and warm snuggled up to you.

🩷

He’s awoken in the middle of the night to a shout; he’s unable to make out what's said but it definitely gets his attention. It's only when he hears it again ‘Joeeel!’ and it’s clear it’s your voice that he lifts his body up and looks to his side, your side of the bed is empty and cold to the touch, you’ve been gone a while. He jumps up shouting “I’m coming baby!”

He shoves the bathroom door open and is met with you, red faced on your knees in the bath, gripping the side so hard your knuckles are white; gritting your teeth as you scream your way through what is an obvious actual contraction.

Fuck

He looks to you and you look back at him. Fuck you look like you’re in so much pain and he hates it. “Joel” you whisper to him. His heart is fucking racing and he runs over to you then, not a care in the world that he’s naked. “It’s okay shhhh, baby breathe” Joel strokes at your lower back. His voice laced with fear and worry even through he’s trying so hard to mask it.

When you manage to catch your breath back you look to him in fear “Fuck Joel, that one hurt” you groan as you lower yourself back onto your heels in the tub. Joel moves with you coming to squat besides the bath as he faces you.

“It’s okay, you’re doing amazing baby” he kisses your forehead before asking the question he’s dreading but already knows the answer to, “s’it time?” He rubs your arms as he looks into your eyes.

“I- yeah, I’m pretty sure it is” you whine as a tear runs down your cheek.

Fuck why didn’t you wake him earlier is all he can think. You chose to suffer for this long alone, but he won’t dwell on it, you look broken, your eyes full of tears. He wipes them from your eyes like he’s done so many times before, and he notices that gleam he fell in love with reappear in them, slightly. God you’re gorgeous. He stays in that thought till you have the audacity to apologise for waking him. You act like you’ve committed a crime “don’t you dare say sorry, y'aint got nothin’ t’be sorry for.”

He can see you getting more and more uncomfortable as time goes on and so he’s straight to your aid when you ask for help getting out. He grabs the fluffy towel from behind him and wraps you up in it to keep you warm as he holds you tight in his arms. He wants to keep you as calm as possible, and God does he love you, he hates seeing you like this . You snuggle into his chest; feeling as you physically relax.

“Y’know I knew second babies were faster, but this seems super-fast” it’s muffled as you say it into his chest. He hums in response, only allowing himself to internally panic. You look up at him then “Can we go back into the bedroom? I wanna go sit on the bed; my back’s killing”.

He kisses the top of your head then “Course Baby, come on let’s get you comfy.”

He walks you into the bedroom and helps you sit on the bed. He then proceeds to help you to dry off and put on an oversized lounge set. He notices your bare feet; he can imagine you’re already feeling uncomfortable with them exposed like usual. So, he gets up, grabs some pink fluffy socks out of the drawer and puts them on your feet; knowing how cold your toes get. You like to torture him with them at night, pressing them against his warm legs.

“Thank you for always being so good to me cowboy” you smile at him.

Cowboy, you know how much he hates you calling him that: he’ll let it slide all things considered. Fuck he loves you so much. He takes your free hand in between his; “baby I love you so much, and the fact that I have this amazin’ life and I share it with you, and you’ve given me Sarah, now this baby too, I am so so grateful to you...”

He eventually goes and grabs some clothes for himself. He hears as you struggle through another pain whilst he’s preoccupied. Fuck this is really happening. It makes him get dressed all the faster.

When he’s finally dressed, he’s absolutely petrified, his heart is racing to the point it’s almost painful and he can’t help but break out in a sweat, but he tries his best to keep it all to himself. He feels like a first-time parent all over again. Completely clueless and out of control. Remembering how Sarah’s birth was quite traumatic, and that you were in a lot of pain doesn’t help the situation. You were constantly crying out for him, and he’s never felt as awful as he did when he couldn’t take the pain away from you.

Especially considering he strives through life making sure you’re happy and healthy, this is the only situation ever, that he’s felt helpless in, and it scares him that he’s going to witness it once more. He’s pacing back and forth till he can’t physically stand it anymore. He checks all the bags are packed ready and places them ready to go by the front door, with everything present and correct he then proceeds to call Tommy.

The phone begins ringing and with every ring Joel feels worse and worse, he hates thinking that he’s waking them up. Although this was the plan, if it happened no matter when no matter where. He calls Tommy and lets him know. They will then come and stay as long as is needed with Sarah.

After five rings Tommy finally picks up.

“Hello” he answers with a sleepy groan.

‘Tommy, hey bud sorry it’s late, we need you to come over’-

“Oh, shit so she was in labour?” he interrupts, his voice suddenly perking up and he can hear how he shoots up in bed.

-‘yeah, it’s time’-

“Oh my god labour!” Joel can hear Maria shout in the background before Tommy adds “If you can’t tell, Maria’s real excited, aren’t you sugar?”

“Hell yeah!” it’s distant again and she sounds out of breath like she’s running around the bedroom getting ready already.

Joel laughs.

“I’m excited too big brother” Tommy eventually adds. “Give us 20 minutes and we'll be there. Maria’s already dressed haha. Now you go look after your girl."

-‘Okay perfect I’ll let her know, see y’soon, thanks Tommy.’

He puts his phone back in his pocket before making his way back over to you on the bed, sitting at your side. “He says they’ll be twenty minutes max, should’ve heard the squeal Maria let out.”

“Anyone would think it’s her baby” you giggle “but amazing thank you”. God how he admires your ability to still be funny at any given moment. He loves how you find the positives in everything.

When the decision is made to wake Sarah to let her know, it freaks him out even more, it’s getting so real now. “You know what; I still can’t get over that we are doing this again” he smiles before kissing your forehead. “I love you Baby” it’s about the fiftieth time he’s told you tonight, but boy does he mean it. He’s never ever loved you more.

🩷

Joel helps you to waddle across the hall to Sarah’s door, his hand resting softly on your lower back. He only leaves you then, in order to knock, before slowly pushing it open. Sarah is fast asleep, her nightlight highlighting her gorgeous features. She begins to rouse as he steps a foot into the room. “Daddy?” she rouses confused, he quickly looks back to you, just as another contraction washes over you. He goes to stop but you nod for Joel to continue in, so he turns back to focus on his daughter.

“Hey baby girl!” it’s an excited whisper.

Sarah looks to the window and notices it’s still dark. Rubbing her eyes, she looks back to him. “Daddy, it’s not morning.”

“No baby, I know, listen, me and Mama have somethin’ to tell you” he takes a seat on her bed, still unable to get over the fact she’s going to be a big sister.

She yawns as she sits up straighter in her bed, intrigued. “Where is Mama, was she shouting?” the concern evident in her voice which melts his heart.

He strokes her head “She will be in, in a minute baby. Now listen, your new little brother or sister wants to say hello, so we need to go to the hospital, Uncle Tommy and Aunt Maria are on the way to come and stay with you, whilst we’re gone okay.”

“The baby’s comin’?” a smile grows on her face.

“Yeah babygirl, the baby’s comin’.”

“Yay, okay!” it’s an excited squeal, one that reiterates the adoration and love she has for her unborn sibling already.

He strokes her hair as he stares at her, never having loved someone as much as he loves her.

“Mama!” she bounces in her place on the bed eyes lighting up as she looks to the space behind him.

“Hi my pretty girl!” he hears you reply behind him, sounding tired.

He’s quick to turn to look at you asking, “you okay?”

“Fine, honestly” you smile in response.

He nods.

“Can you come and sit with me Mama?” Sarah taps the place on her bed next to her as she shuffles over slightly.

He moves to be sat near to Sarah’s feet, giving you and Sarah more room to stretch out. He sits and stares at his two favourite girl as they converse with one another. When their conversation ends and they’re cuddling, Joel continuously smiling at you, he then taps Sarah foot “hey Sarah, last time to put your bet in, what’s it gonna be a boy or a girl?”

“It’s a sister I know it, she told me” certainty on her tongue.

“Oh yeah, and when did ‘she’ apparently tell you this?” you reply making Joel chuckle.

“When me and her were talking one day, you know we like to talk”.

“Well, we will soon see, me and Daddy think it’s a boy” he chuckles as you boop her nose.

“But I don’t want a - Oh- Mama? Are you okay?”

He watches as your body tenses, and you begin to close in on yourself. Squeezing your eyes shut as you begin to breathe your way through it.

“Mama’s okay baby” he’s quick to reassure when he notices the fear within her eyes. All the while he strokes a hand up and down your leg “This is just your baby brother or sister tryin’ t’get out”. Smiling at her for reassurance, she seems to relax slightly then, he then adds looking back to you “Breathe Mama”.

“Oh” Sarah moves slightly in your arms, opting to rub some hair out of your face and behind your ear. Joel can’t believe what he’s seeing. Sarah then proceeds to kiss your check once she has done it adding her own “breathe Mama.”

Joel watches, his heart pounding with adoration and pride as you and Sarah show each other love. With the contraction over, Sarah moves to bring her mouth to your belly. She lifts up your top to expose it and whispers against the skin; “Don’t hurt Mama please baby sister” she kisses your tummy and adds “I can’t wait to meet you.” He tears up at that, instantly, but tries to hold it back because if caring Sarah decides to start hugging him too that will be it. The tears would start flowing and he wouldn’t be able to stop them.

Eventually there is a distant knock drawing all three of your attention’s. Joel is quick to stand up and is out of the room in the same breath. He races down the stairs to open the front door letting an excited Maria and Tommy in.

“How is she?” Maria questions excitement laced in her voice.

“Pains are gettin’ worse, but she’s okay.”

“Good” Maria smiles as she kicks off her shoes.

“And how’re you doin’ big brother?” Tommy looks to his brother.

“Shittin’ myself” he laughs letting out a big breath.

“Ahh you’ve got this” he reassures tapping a hand onto his shoulder.

“Hope you’re right” he laughs.

“Where are they?”

“They’re in Sarah’s room.”

He then proceeds to lead Tommy and Maria up.

“Hey stinker!” Tommy shouts to his niece as they enter the room.

“Hey Uncle Tommy, hi Maria!”

Joel looks to you in an instant, noticing that you’re crying and is straight to your side “You, okay?” he then reaches to Sarah’s bedside table to get you a tissue.

“I’m fine, I promise, Sarah was being Sarah, and now I’m crying. You know how it goes” you laugh wetly.

“Oh, I do. Jesus, you scared me for a second” he turns to Sarah then, stroking her cheek “You’re the best aren’t you babygirl” she giggles in response.

He then looks back to you “Right baby, y’ready to go?”

“Yeah” you smile and take a deep breath “let’s go have a baby!”

Fuck- another baby.

Joel holds out both his hands to you and he helps you to swing your legs back over the side of the bed. He then helps to pull you up with a groan. You take a second to catch your bearings, now you are back on your feet. Joel helps to walk you slightly to the middle of the room, so Tommy and Maria are able to position themselves on the bed by Sarah.

Maria sits herself next to Sarah and he can’t help but smile. Just as he notices you do. It’s so lovely to know she’s in amazing hands whilst you’ll be gone.

He’s holding your hand as you begin your usual routine which makes him laugh. Telling Sarah to be good, do as she’s told, all that jazz. He’s so used to the routine that he isn’t fully paying attention but when he hears “ugh” his full attention is in that moment, watching as you place your free hand under your stomach. Joel grabs hold of you tighter then- it’s when you shout “f-fuck!” that he gets scared. When in labour with Sarah, you only started swearing when it got bad. He feels as you grip onto his arm like it’s a lifeline and move back to face him. He shushes you as he offers you his other arm too, so you can hold onto him properly and sway. You push your forehead into his shoulder. You can’t help but be vocal this time, in too much pain to be able to control the moans that come out of your mouth. “You got this baby” Joel whispers into your hair. His heart pounding, and he’s kicking himself that he can’t really help. He holds you as long as is necessary.

You and Joel look into each other’s eyes when the pain is gone, it makes him even more nervous when he can see you’re already beginning to feel deflated. Yet he also can’t help but smile at the fact you swore in front of Sarah. It’s this smile that causes you to remember what you had just said. You stand up tall again and turn back to look at Sarah. “Mama is sorry for saying that baby, I didn’t mean it, be good for Tommy and Maria, listen to what they say okay? I love you.”

As Joel helps you to begin walking out of the bedroom Joel turns to look back at the three of them; “Tommy, I’ll be in touch, thank you again for havin’ her. See you soon babygirl, be good, love you”!

“Love you too Daddy, make sure to look after Mama”.

“I will, I promise!” he laughs.

Tommy and Maria both shout good luck and you make your way downstairs, grabbing the hospital bags that you left by the door, and then you’re on your way.

🩷🩵🩷

After what felt like an eternity in the room alone. Joel feeling terrorised as he watches you suffer through the pains. The hospital room door opens, he raises his head on the click of the door.

“Hi, I’m Sally your midwife, how are we both doing?”

Joel nods “good” in reply as you add “good thanks, but definitely progressing much faster than I expected.”

“Well, there’s never really been a time scale for these thing, your baby must just be super eager to make an appearance! Are you okay if I check you, just to see how far along you are?”

Joel moves to support you through the examination knowing that its going to be awful but stops as you begin crying out in pain again. Moving instead to rub your lower back, ‘counterpressure’ he remembers the midwife at Sarah’s birth called it. He doesn’t remember your cries being this bad last time. It makes him angry that he can’t stop it. Once the pain ends, he helps you to shift in the bed, so you’re able to get into a suitable position for the examination. Knowing it’s going to be uncomfortable; he remembers from last time; he’s already offered you his hand.

He stands impatiently from beside you looking as the midwifes head disappears below the blanket. He feels you grip his hand tighter once the midwife begins the exam. Eventually her head pops back up.

“Okay, six centimetres, coming right along, well done! Won’t be too much longer now hopefully” she snaps her gloves off.

“Oh, thank god” you groan.

“Now am I right in thinking it’s in your birth plan to have a water birth, if we have a room with a pool free? Is that still what you want?”

“I would love that! I really regret not having a water birth with Sarah.”

“Okay, no problem, I’ll get onto the case and find out if we have a room, I’ll be back with the verdict asap, in the meantime, I’ll be right outside if you need me, okay? That red button to your right, press it if you need me, I’ll come running, literally, especially if your water breaks okay, shout me!”

“Will do, thank you, nurse” he responds she smiles before leaving the room. Leaving the pair of you alone, listening in tune to your babies heart beat.

“She’s nice” you murmur as you turn to him and smile.

“Yeah, I like her” Joel agrees. She seems like a caring midwife of which he’s glad, the midwife at Sarah’s birth just kept getting mad at you and he’s really hoping that won’t happen again. He got really angry with her, but didn’t act on it as he needed to be there to support you. He was sure to put in a hefty complaint afterwards though. Eventually you snap him out of his thoughts.

“Hey not too much longer baby and we will be a family of four, how crazy is that!”

“I can’t wait” and he really can’t, just the idea alone of his family expanding makes his heart feel so full. “D’you think Sarah is right about it being a girl?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I know she really wants a sister, so I would love to give her one. But either way she will be the best big sister, I know that much.”

You’re right of course, she’s such a special little girl. “Oh, she most definitely will, I have to agree with you there Darlin'.”

Joel moves his hand out of the grasp of yours and begins to caress your belly. Making gentle work of it, as he knows just about any pressure on it right now is painful. You let out a pleasurable moan in response. His palms tickling your belly in a really relaxing way. His baby kicking in response every so often. And it seriously makes him tear up. He’s going to be meeting his baby soon.

“God, I really hope I can have a water birth.”

“I’m prayin’ for you baby” he replies leaning down to kiss your stomach.

🩷🩵🩷

Two hours later, again, your breathing begins to speed up as another pain takes over you whilst you lie on your side in the hospital bed. You’ve been checked multiple times and it seems this baby is in no rush to make an appearance. You grab onto Joel’s arm as you moan with the pain. You lean into him, curling your body tight. He uses the arm you don’t have a hold of, to rub up and down your back. She’s getting bad is all he can think. Struggling so much to keep your composure. He can't believe it’s dragged out this long. Time is just going on and on and this baby seems no closer to coming.

“Y’got this baby, m’so proud of you” he reassures softly.

“Ugh, it really hurts” your voice breaks and you can’t help the tears that begin to fall. “I can’t do it anymore!”

Shit “You can baby, you can. You’ve got this, you’ve done it all before with Sarah. Just think of how amazin’ life is now because you brought her safely into the world. You did that! Endured all that pain t’bring her into the world, and now you’re gonna do the same again with this baby. We are all so lucky to have you. You’re so strong. So beautiful n’so strong.” He kisses your sweat soaked forehead. Fuck he hates that he can’t do more.

When the pain eventually subsides, you have the ability to sit up straighter. Joel moves out of your way so you’re able to sort yourself out, however you wish to. Rather than sitting against the pillows, you bring your legs over the side of the bed, so you can sit directly facing Joel. You hold your hands out on either side of the bed to help you stabilise.

He stares at how small you look, dropping to kneel in front of you, allowing you to put your arms around his neck, in an effort to hold him closer. He’s your safe space. You pull each other into an embrace, and you rest your head on his shoulder as you cry.

“Shhh baby, you’re okay, you got this” he kisses you softly.

You don’t say anything, you just continue to hug him as you shake and cry. Joel brushes his hands up and down your back. After giving you a moment:

“Hey Darlin', look at me” he whispers to you as you stay snuggled into his neck. You don’t move, just shake your head no into his shoulder. “Baby” he pulls away a little “please, look at me” this time it’s much sterner, but still drowned in concern.

You slowly lift your head up; your hair falls in front of your face as you do so. Your face red and shiny with tears. You looks exhausted and defeated. Joel brushes the hair behind your ears and smiles at you. He then wipes your wet cheeks to free them of your tears. “Hi” he smiles “there’s my girl, see you’re so strong. So much stronger than I could ever be. I promise you, you’ve got this”.

“I don’t” you whimper.

“Baby” he laughs “you do! Look at you, you’re literally doin’ it as we speak!”

“I don’t feel strong”.

“But you are, come on take a deep breath. S’all gonna be worth it”.

You take a deep breath in before exhaling, keeping eye contact with Joel as you do. You bring a hand to your lower back with a wince.

“Can you help me up please? I wana walk for a little?”

“Course baby, whatever y’need”.

He takes hold of both of your hands and pulls as you begin to lift yourself off the hospital bed with a groan. You then proceed to pace; breathing deeply as you rub your belly. Joel watches from the side lines chewing on one of his nails. What the fuck can he do to help you? He thinks and thinks till a great idea comes into his head.

He looks at you as you pace “You up for some music? We can dance for a bit, will that help?”.

He stops you in your tracs and you look up at him. One hand still holding your belly. “Aww Joel, you cutie you still wana dance with me? Even when I look like this.”

“I always wana dance with you darlin'." They’re the truest words he’s ever spoke.

He makes quick work of grabbing his phone and puts on a random playlist of slower songs. He takes you into his arms and cuddles you close swaying with you. He loves feeling you so close and calm. Content to be in his arms. You stop with each contraction that hits you, and he rubs your lower back. He kisses the top of your head every so often. You continue to do this for a while, seemingly more relaxed until:

“Shit, wait Joel stop, I feel weird.”

He immediately stops swaying with you but continues to hold you. His heart suddenly pounding once more.

“What d’you mean?”

“I- I, it feels weird down there, I don’t know.” He watches as you grab the underneath of your stomach.

“What can I do?” he can’t help the fear evident in his eyes.

You begin to stand straighter in his arms. “I- I just need to move, just need t-"

You’re interrupted by a gush of water, falling from between your legs. Soaking your bare feet, and Joels boots.

Shit.

He blanks out for a second, staring into empty space, unable to do anything, but is brought back when you keel over with another pain. Placing your palms onto the hospital bed as you sway and moan.

Joel rushes to push the red button, then races right back to your side to help you through it. The nurse is in the room within a couple of seconds.

“Hey, I was just on my way back to you guys, what’s going on?”

Joel notices you’re still getting over your pain, and that he is going to need to respond on your behalf.

“Erm, her waters went”.

“Oh goodie! Progressing as we should and to top it off, we have a room free. We will take you there when you’re ready sweetie” she rubs your shoulder in concern.

🩷🩵🩷

The short walk to the delivery suite brings Joel out in a sweat. He’s walking behind you in the wheelchair, being pushed by Sally, carrying the bags. Fuck it's really happening. When you enter the suite, he gulps. This is where it’s going to happen, when he next leaves this room, he’s going to be the dad of two. Completely responsible for two lives. Sally begins filling the pool at once. He helps you to stand out of the wheelchair and fishes out your bikini top from the bag. He helps you to put it on and ties your hair off your shoulders. Finally helping you to climb into the water once it's ready. Sally instantly handing you the gas and air.

Joel has a newfound energy now. Coaxing you exceptionally through the pains you have and the next hour of contracting in the water, comes and goes in what feels like five minutes. Now, you’re sat leaning against the side of the tub, a flannel over your forehead as Joel is rubbing your shoulders. Your body so tense and achy. He feels your shoulders tense telling him another pain is starting. This pain is excruciating. There’s something much more primal about this scream that Joel notices instantly. He watches as you sit up taller in the pool, pulling a face as you try to move to get more comfortable, which is just impossible.

He moves into your view “You okay baby?” alarm bells instantly ringing when he sees the distress on your face.

“There’s so much pressure down there I think-  I feel like- like I need to push.” You take a second to get a proper feel for what it is you’re feeling eyes bugging as you look to him again, “yeah, I do- I need to push Joel!”

Shit.

He’s quick to jump up, pressing the red button and it takes all of ten seconds for Sally to return.

“How we doing?” she asks genuinely, but it’s obvious she knows the answer she’s about to get.

“I need to push!” you utter before a contraction takes over you that has you screaming in pain. You turn in the tub to face Joel and put your arms over his shoulders. He hugs you close.

Okay it’s happening, it’s official. He remembers the screams; this baby is coming and it’s coming now.

“You’re okay baby, you’re doin’ so good” he reassures.

“Okay, when this pain is over, I’m going to check you, whatever you do, do not push, okay?” Sally shouts in a rushed tone.

You nod into Joel’s shoulder in response and it takes every fibre of your being not to push. You don’t move whilst she examines you, continuing to cuddle into Joel as you try to suppress the urge to push.

“Okay it’s go time angel; babies head is right there I can see it.”

“Oh, thank God” it comes out like a cry.

He lets out a massive sigh of relief. “Y’hear that baby you can push” he softly whispers.

“You can start pushing as soon as you’re ready angel, how do you want to do this? You happy in the position you’re in or do you want to move?”

“No, I want to stay like this” you say determined but exhausted.

“That’s absolutely fine. Now on the next contraction, I want you to push with everything you’ve got, okay, I’m going to count to ten and I need you to push that whole ten seconds, okay? You’re no quitter, so I don’t want any giving up.”

“Yeah, okay” it’s about all you can manage response wise.

It doesn’t take long till the next contraction happens, they’re basically on top of each other by this point. You bare down as you grip onto Joel, and you give it all you’ve got. He feels as you bare down and squeeze into his body as you ensure all of your energy is being used to push into your bum. You hold your breath squeezing.

“Good!” the midwife shouts “keep going that’s it, 8, 9, 10!”

You stop pushing with a gasp.

Joel gasps too, that was the longest ten seconds of his life.

“You did so good baby” Joel whispers in your ear. He knows reassurance is key right now. The last thing he wants is for you to start feeling as though you can’t do it.

“Ready to go again?” the midwife asks, and you nod before baring down for another ten. It takes a few more pushes before the head is completely out.

“Okay good the head is out! Well done! Take some deep breaths for me. Just a few more pushes and your beautiful baby will be here!”

“The heads out?” he hears you cry into his shoulder.

“Yes, it’s out!”.

“Can I feel?”

“Yeah, course go for it” the midwife adds. You move out of Joel’s grip slightly, bringing one of your arms back to feel the head between your legs.

He watches as her hand disappears between her legs. Face lighting up before looking him dead in the eye. “Oh, Joel, I can feel them, wow they have a lot of hair”.

“Yeah? Lotta hair, just like Sarah?” he asks. Feeling so much love for this baby already. His new baby has loads of hair just like his gorgeous daughter did. He could cry.

“Oh yeah beautiful full head of hair I can see it” the midwife adds in looking over your body to look to Joel briefly. They smile at each other.

“Good, hey almost there now baby” he kisses your head as you lean back into him. He couldn’t be any prouder of you if he tried.

The room is filled with pants as you all wait for the next pain. Joel feels as your entire body heaves. He can feel how tired you are becoming; more than glad you’re now at the final stretch.

“Give us a really big push on this next contraction, okay?”

“I can’t” you shake your head into Joel’s shoulder.

“Baby you can, what do you mean you can’t?”

“I can’t do it anymore, I can’t!” you cry.

This hurts him. It cuts deep. You’re absolutely deflated. “Baby, you’ve been doing so well and you’re so near the end now”. You don’t reply or give him any indication that your listening, so he quickly adds “hey look at me.”

You lift your head slowly from his neck to look at him.

“You’re so strong you’ve got this, okay? You push, give it everythin’ you’ve got and lets meet this baby of ours, okay?”

“Y-Yeah, okay”

“Good girl” Joel replies kissing your forehead. His smile reappearing once he sees some of your sparkle reappear.

The pain begins to wash over you and you push until you can’t anymore. Joel and Sally coaching you through every second of the push.

“Few more pushes and baby is out” the midwife adds.

“Good you can do this baby come on!” Joel shouts enthusiastically.

You scream as you bare down gripping onto Joel’s shoulders. It takes three more pushes to get the baby out. The midwife is there to catch and when the baby is finally free from your body you immediately sit back releasing Joel, taking the baby from her.

Oh god, he’s so overwhelmed watching you cry as your new baby is passed to you. He’s in shock.

“It’s a girl!” the midwife announces as she places your screaming daughter in your arms.

“Another girl Joel!” you cry at him, and he comes over to kiss you on the head before placing a hand on the back of his new screaming daughters head.

He’s now the dad to two girls. He has two girls to protect now.

“She’s so beautiful” he finds himself choking back tears.

“Sarah was right” you laugh, “she got the sister she always wanted”.

“Look at all of her hair!” he’s genuinely shocked, he strokes it with his large, calloused fingertips, it’s so much more than Sarah had, and he though that amount was crazy.

“She gets that from her daddy” you chuckle.

You had said the exact same thing to him when Sarah was born, he remembers it clearly. Fuck he loves you he can’t help the tears that begin to fall.

You’re crying, Joel’s crying, the baby is crying. You all just stay like that for a minute.

“Dad do you wana cut the cord?” Sally asks Joel, bringing you both out of your new baby bliss bubble.

“Y- yeah” he replies. His first responsibility to his new daughter. Freeing her. Making her, her own person. An individual. HIS beautiful individual.

He grabs the scissors from Sally watching as you move the baby to be cradled in your arms, he reaches down to cut the clamped cord. The midwife then takes the baby and gives her to a nurse to clean her off whilst you deliver the placenta.

Joel feels useless as the nurses work round him preparing you to go to the postnatal ward. But when you allow him the honour of carrying your daughter up to the new room he jumps at the chance. Walking at a snails pace along the corridor to the lift. Petrified of anything and everything in his surroundings.

🩷🤍🩷

An hour later all three of you are settled in the postnatal ward. Joel sits on the chair next to the bed watching your newborn daughter sleep against your chest. She makes little purr like noises as she does. He could cry as he rests his palm against her head. She’s so small.

He stares at her for who knows how long. Time non-existent in his new daddy bubble. “What should we call her?” he eventually asks. Knowing you’ll have come to a decision having now seen her face.

You turn your head to the side to look at him briefly, whispering back “I think she looks like an Ellie.”

“Ellie?” he looks to her squished, pouty face then. Studying her as a grin grows and grows on his face. Ellie, HIS ELLIE. “S’perfect” he leans to kiss her tiny head.

As if she hears herself being talked about, she stirs awake and lets out a little grouchy cry. That quickly turns into a pleading scream.

“Oh, Baby Ellie, you’re hungry again huh?” you ask her.

Moving, Joel quickly grabs Ellie from you, as it's much easier to undress yourself ready to feed her that way. When your breasts are freed and you’re propped up comfy enough on the cushions, Joel helps to position her at your breast, knowing it still really hurts when you move. Her tiny head fishes around for the nipple; quickly finding it, she latches almost instantly. Joel leaves you both to it then. Retreating back to his chair to admire your amazing body and what it does to keep your daughter alive.

“You’re so special baby” he murmurs to you quietly, not wanting to disturb a very content and hungry Ellie.

“Joel don’t you’ll make me cry” you reply wetly with a soft laugh.

“I mean it, I don’t think I could love you any more than I do right this second” he smiles at you.

“I love you so much too, I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“That was all on you baby, nothin’ to do with me.”

“Joel, shut up, you were there when I needed you, you kept me calm. You’re my hero, now get your ass over here and kiss me because I can’t move” you laugh.

He’s quick to laugh back rising from his chair and coming to sit on the bed next to you. He’s delicate as he touches your cheeks, curling his fingers round the back of your head, he pulls your face towards his connecting your lips. It’s a deep, sensual kiss. Long awaited, much needed. Full of love.

He eventually retreats back to his chair, but not before stopping off at his bag, and getting out his camera. He sits himself back down and turns the camera on, pointing it right at you. You looks gorgeous right now, he needs to keep this memory forever.

“Babe, stoppp I bet I look a mess”.

“You look gorgeous Baby.”

This birth had been much less traumatic than Sarah’s and you’re raring to go home. Thankfully you get the all clear to go, Ellie was born six hours ago; she had fed easily and is going to the toilet normally. And you got the all clear on your health too, so home time it is. Joel dresses Ellie in her going home outfit, you brought a blue and a pink one with you. He makes sure she’s wrapped up incredibly warm as he places her into the car seat. Leaving you with enough time to give Sarah a call like you promised.

The walk to the car feels so long. Him taking every single step extra carefully. You make him stop at the entrance so you can take a photo of him carrying your daughter out in the car seat, just as was done with Sarah.

He's shitting himself for the drive home, and with you and Ellie safe and secure in the back he gives himself an internal pep talk, telling himself to calm the fuck down and then you’re off. Driving into the night. Going home to make your family of four a reality.

🩷🩵🩷

There’s a welcome home sign on the front door, clearly made by Sarah, when you make it back home. Joel quickly rushes out of the car to open your door for you, helping you out of the car. “Do you wana get her or do you want me to?” He questions. “You get her babe” you reply to him.

He nods making his way into the back to get Ellie out who’s sleeping soundly once more- definitely his daughter. You then walk up to the front door together; Joel quickly unlocks it before moving back to allow you to enter first. Him close behind you with Ellie in tow.

You walk into the living room and Sarah runs straight to you. Jumping up and down in front of you. “MAMA!”

Sarah’s voice makes his heart so happy.

“Hi beautiful girl!” you say as you gently crouch down to hug her. “You wana meet someone special?” You mumble to her as you cradle her body close to yours.

She nods as you break away, her eyes fixed behind you, watching as he walks into the room, baby carrier in tow.

“Babygirl, this is Ellie, your baby sister” he announces excitedly.

“Sister? It’s a girl! See I told you!”

“Yeah, you were right baby, now if you go and sit nicely on the couch, you can hold her if you want?”

“Yes, yes pleaseeee!”

Sarah runs hurriedly over to it sitting nicely, kicking her legs with excitement. You come to sit next to her and put an arm around her. He delicately places the carrier down onto the floor and bends to carefully unclip Ellie to get her out. Maria and Tommy both coo from the other couch when her tiny body is lifted out of the seat. Joel wants to cry at the sight of her miniature body scrunching in on itself as he lifts her out. He walks over to Sarah, keeping Ellie in one arm as he uses the other to help Sarah to position her arms in order to hold her new sister correctly. Sarah’s one arm is moved to be propped against a pillow to further help her in supporting her baby sister. He then carefully places Ellie into her arms, eventually releasing her altogether.

“Hi Ellie, I’m your big sister. She’s so tiny wow” she strokes her cheek gently.

“She is huh?” He adds crouching next to her. “She’s gonna get so much bigger though, one day she will be as big as you.” And boy does she look big holding her dot of a sister.

“She’s so beautiful” as if on cue, Ellie opens her eyes then and looks straight up to her big sister in curiosity.

“Look Sarah she recognises you; she remembers her big sister’s voice from all those times you spoke to her when she was in my tummy. God, you look so big holding her baby girl” you bend her head towards you gently then to kiss her.

Joel reaches into his bag and gets his camera out once more. Needing to capture this moment of his three girls forever.

He quickly turns it on “girls look up, let’s get a picture of the three of you.”

You and Sarah both look up at once, you quickly wipe the now drying tears from your face. He ensures he takes lots and lots of pictures. So completely happy in this moment he never wants it to end.

“Right daddy I think it’s time you got in too, don’t you?” Maria asks from behind him, placing her hand delicately on his shoulder, he quickly passes her the camera and sits the other side of Sarah, you all smile once more at the camera, and Maria also take one of the three of you looking down at Ellie as she makes her tiny little noises.

"Okay now enough you lot, think it's time Uncle Tommy had a cuddle, don't you?" Tommy asks “c’mon shift, stop hoggin’ my niece!” He jokes.

You all can’t help but laugh at him.

This is family, this is love, this is the life you’d spent your whole life dreaming of. And here you are finally living it, and it’s so much better than you could’ve ever, ever imagined.

LIFE I Series Masterlist I Main Masterlist

[creamyching]

20230215-20230217

Shortly after Valentine’s Day, my water bag broke when I was lying on my bed.

Finally the time has come. I wasn’t very prepared and you seemed joyed. Standing in from of the A&E counter in the midnight, the water kept dripping in between my legs. After the PCR test I was sent to 4th floor, you joined me shortly after your PCR was done. The nurse checked me, and we were informed I was only 1cm dilated …

Rested that night I was trying to feel the contraction, there’re some uncomfortable feeling but they come in irregular intervals. As I tried to timed it I fell asleep most of the time … That’s how the first night ended :)

The next day was another long day, as I was unable to dilate and stays at 1cm. Doctor asked if I would like to induced the baby I said I chose to wait, just hoping my precious one can arrive as natural as possible … 1cm remains all day and the contraction is getting stronger. You said you had a secret wish that baby would come out on 16 Feb as it would be the last day for her to be an Aquarius. The contractions were real, I took another jab for pain killer to stay through the night as it wouldn’t dilate much.

Early next morning, the dilation became 5cm and I have to be pushed into the labour room. I begged for the epidural but the anaesthetist hasn’t arrived yet. Waited and bearer with the pain from 6am to 9am, I finally got a bit of breather from the epidural. At 1pm it is decided that it has to be induced because the dilation were too slow … With 10 super strong pushes, our beloved Olive arrived at 2:44pm 🥲

From now on, we are three :)

[andysbubba]

i love you so

request | hi can you do a songfic about "I love you so" by the walters? any cevans character would do 🥲

an | this wasn't proofread and honestly i think this was so sloppily written and i just wanted to end it's misery because it's been rotting in my drafts 😐😐😐

summary | ransom is ransom : how can one– who's never been loved, love someone?

"Are you fucking crazy?" His jaw's clenched and even though you're turned away from him, his glare still feels heavy on your back. "You can't just leave me!"

His statement makes you scoff as you throw the final piece of your clothing from your closet into your suitcase. You shake your head and chuckle to yourself as you close the bag shut and zip it up.

"You still think this is gonna go your way, Hugh?" You turn around to face him. It's the first you've looked him in the eye since the fight started. "You really think I'll still pick you even after everything you've done to me? Tonight—" You had to take a deep breath before you continued your words. It pains every inch of your soul to do this but you know you had to. "Tonight was the last straw, Ran."

It breaks you to even think of the words you'll say next.

"We're done."

"No." Ransom curls his fingers around your wrist, forcefully pulling you to him before you could even walk away.

You've never thought this is what breaking up with the infamous Ransom Drysdale would be like. Hell, you never even thought you'd get deep enough with him to even consider getting a break up. But you certainly weren't expecting this.

Definitely not him asking you to stay and definitely not the tears welling up in his eyes.

I just need someone in my life to give it structure To handle all the selfish ways I'd spend my time without her You're everything I want, but I can't deal with all your lovers You're saying I'm the one, but it's your actions that speak louder Giving me love when you are down and need another I've gotta get away and let you go, I've gotta get over

"You think I want this, huh?" You bark out a laugh. "I fucking love you, Ransom-"

"Then don't leave me!"

And you hate how he makes it sound so easy.

"I don't have a choice, Ransom!"

"You- you always have a fucking choice." The crack in his voice makes your heart break. And you knew if you stayed any longer, you'd eventually end up staying for good.

But I love you so I love you so I love you so I love you so

"It's late, Ran. Where the hell have you been?"

Out.

He could have said that. It would've been better than just keeping quiet and pretending as if he didn't see you asleep on the couch when he walked in the front door at 3.26 in the morning.

He's been hanging around in bars– getting drunk on vintage bourbon and scotch until he forgets. Forgets about who's waiting for him. Forgets that he has someone that he loves. Forgets that there's someone who actually loves him.

All his life, he's never had someone who cares. Everything has been about how thick his wallet is or where he bought his new designer sweater. Nothing about how his day has been or what he ate for lunch.

Until you came along.

Deep down, he knows you care.

But even deeper down in his stupid heart, Ransom Drysdale knows he doesn't deserve you.

You— the angel that ignored all of his red flags, the angel that stood by him, the angel that gave him a chance when no one would, the angel that treated him like a human.

But Ransom keeps doing what he does best.

He fucks up. And he fucks up. Again, again, and again. He ruins everything good he has in his life— you.

And he does it because he's a miserable asshole who can't love or be loved and he should suffer the rest of his life alone and lonely.

I'm gonna pack my things and leave you behind This feeling's old and I know that I've made up my mind I hope you feel what I felt when you shattered my soul 'Cause you were cool and I'm a fool So please let me go

"I'm tired, Ransom."

It makes him feel guilty just how heavy your sigh was.

"Tell me what I did wrong." He takes a heavy breath. "I promise you, Y/n. I'll fix it. I'll be better, I swear. Just— don't leave me."

"I hate this, Ransom. I hate that you tell me you love me one day and the next you push me away and treat me like shit and—"

He takes ahold of your fingers and bring your hands up to his lips, pressing a kiss on your knuckles. "I won't— I'll stop. I promise. Please— just stay."

"You say that all the time, Ransom—"

"Y/n, please. I mean it this time. I can't– I can't just lose you."

You sigh again, lifting your palm up to his cheek and cradling the side of his face as you sniffle. "This can't keep happening, Ransom."

Ransom knows this was bound to happen. He was meant to lose you. He was meant to hurt you someday and you'd leave him.

He doesn't know why it's so hard to let you go even when all he has done is hurt you.

But I love you so (please let me go) I love you so (please let me go) I love you so (please let me go) I love you so

Ransom loves you, but god, he does not know how to love. No one's showed him the tiniest sample of love until you came along. And he's tried to keep up, treating you as best as he could but he simply doesn't know how.

And he ends up ruining everything.

And he knows that it's better to let you go and let you find someone who'll love you better than he ever did but he cannot.

Not when there's that little hope in his heart that's been kept away for years– the one that yearns to love. That little part knows that he hasn't tried his best to love you and it wants to keep trying to love you.

As you walk away with your suitcase, you carried a piece of Ransom's heart. And as a tear fell from his eye, Ransom swears he'd fight to have you back.

Because watching you leave is ten times harder than learning to love you.

---

an | tell me what you think!?!?!?! i'm so out of practice please 🔫🔫🔫

taglist | @milea @ajeff855 @justile @christowhore @amelia-song-pond @melissad1974 @thegirlwiththeimpala @searchforthemagic @bval-1 @suchababie @ephemeralfics @franzliszts-wife @tenaciousperfectionunknown @hallecarey1 @perfect-peter @coffeebooksandfandom @mansaaay @jessicaxlorena @evansxchalamet @fangirling-galore @severewobblerlightdragon @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @kthynes @mogaruke @gitasor @jessicaxlorena @arithegemini @imjustace @thegirlwiththeimpala @humongousmakerplaidhound @moonshooter @worksby-d

[thirstybtsthoughts]

ok i need to send this in before i forget but after 8363829282 years i finally had another dream with bangtan 😭 i didn't know where we were exactly but it seemed like it was a resort of some sort and i was one of their staffs and i had a huge crush on yoongi (WHO DOES NOT??? have u seen his gq/vogue photos bunny i'm about to die, anyways) so i really try to get his attention but he didn't seem to notice 🥲 then it moved to night time and there was a knock on my door and when i opened it, it was jungkook. i asked him if he needed any help as i let him inside the room and then he was like, "i'm really getting tired of you not paying me any attention, noona" AND IM JUST 😳 i don't know the proper term for what he was wearing that time but i guess it was a muscle tee?? i just know it was sleeveless top so his tattoos were exposed and he got the look from the gq/vogue photoshoots. anyways, i asked him what he meant by that and [screaming] he said, "why do you push yourself at yoongi hyung when he's clearly not interested and i am, noona?" (AND THE WEIRDEST THING ABOUT THIS IS THAT I AM TWO YEARS YOUNGER THAN HIM) then he walked towards me and cupped my face, staring intently down at me and said, "don't you want me too?" BUT BEFORE ANY NSFW THING CAN HAPPEN, i woke up because there was a loud ass thunderstorm so @ god, you had one job and you ruined it

Omg the wonderful dream and then the pain of it ending there 😩😩. That seems to happen a lot 😂, maybe our bodies recognise the excitement building up in us for the sex part and just can’t stay asleep when that happens because there’s too much active brain function 🤷🏽‍♀️😂

[eericross]

Another update 🥺, I have literally slept my life away since the transfusion lastnight which lasted four hours without moving my arm which was a pain..

i got to eat some ice 🤣🤣.. & when the transfusion was over I felt super tired, everytime I tried to play my switch, I literally decorate with a few items on acnh and I’m ready to fall asleep again 🥺 but they got me back to being healthy so I got discharged today at noon and I been asleep till about 6 pm 💀 so I honestly just woke up not long ago, I’m still tired 🥱 🥲 but I’m gonna try to stay awake and do some actual work on my island!

I’m quite sad 🙁,

I’m going to the hospital today because

this is the second time I’ve passed out uncontrollably,

I have a bag and my switch packed in case they decide to keep me overnight.. I’m just really scared as to what they are going to tell me 🥺