#and then shit happened and I realised I had to broaden my horizons

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

The New Bartender

Mayans MC Masterlist

Contains: Smut, MFM threesome, fluff, friendly rivalries. No beta read, probably full of mistakes I can't see.

4K words

Out of desperation, Bishop hires a real bartender.

Thank you to @burningtacozombie for the gif.

You looked over the ad, "The pay's alright but I don't think I'm going to gel well here, the poster I picked up didn't exactly say I would be working at a biker clubhouse."

Bishop swallowed and shot a look at Hank; you were the most qualified person they had spoken to all week, and the drinks you had whipped up were to die for, "We realise not putting the location on the ad wasn't the best idea but we're desperate. We can't keep people long and well, we're bikers, we like to drink."

You nodded, "Yep and I've been there and done that, I'm not interested in spending my night being disrespected. At least in a bar, I can get the fucker kicked out."

Hank held up his hands, "If you wanna toss someone, you can. The girls that are left could really use a hand. I promise we're nicer than we look."

You sighed, "Fine, a two week trial, you do sound desperate. But I ain't putting up with any shit and don't think I'm not going to take someone's keys from them."

Bishop smiled and stuck out his hand, "Done, you're hired."

You shook it and sighed before shaking Hank's hand too, "I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting two weeks."

That was two months ago, and aside from a few growing pains and walking out with all the other women in the middle of a party after a particularly rude Mayan took it one step too far, things had been amazing.

"I'll get an old fashioned please." You mixed the drink in a flash and slid it across the bar to Bishop, "Thanks."

You smiled, "Don't mention it. I know I've asked you this before but have you considered broadening your horizons? Maybe try something a little different."

Bishop sighed, "What do you recommend?"

You ran a finger over the liquor bottles, "You ever had a dark and stormy?"

He shrugged, "Probably."

"Ok then, when that's drained, you can give it another go." Bishop walked away with his drink and Guero and Bottles filled the space.

Guero gave you his trademark smirk and you handed him a beer, "What do you want? I know that look."

He chuckled, "Who do you like more, me or Mr Magoo?"

The question seemed to roll off Bottles' back, "I'm not going to answer that."

Bottles smiled, "Nah, we want to know."

You shook your head, "No, and if you keep this up, I'm cutting you both off."

Guero looked you up and down, "That's what we like about you y/n, this take no prisoners attitude is very hot."

You huffed, "You've both made your attraction pretty clear and it's not happening, I'm not going to be your tool to show up the prospect."

"Maybe we're just going to ask you to have a drink with us." Bottles hadn't yet developed the charm that some of the patched members had and if it wasn't so cute, you might have felt sorry for him.

"Come on y/n, I wouldn't be showing him up, we'd be helping the poor boy. You see how shy he is." You rolled your eyes but Guero continued, "All this flirting we've been doing has to go somewhere, just say yes and we'll show you a good time."

There was no denying they were attractive, and if the rumours you heard around the clubhouse were true, they knew what they were doing, "I'm not going to have sex with Bottles because you wanna torment him about it, that's really gross dude."

Bottles smiled, "That's not what it is, he's got a big mouth and I want to prove him wrong."

You blinked, you had no idea where his sudden confidence came from, "What fucking cave did you two crawl out of?"

Guero raised a hand in placation, "It ain't like that, we like you and we want to show you a good time, if you'll let us."

You sighed, "Fine, but no fucking bullshit and this doesn't mean I'm getting passed around." You held up a finger as the smirk grew on Guero's face, "Any fuckin bullshit and I'm putting you both out on your asses, understand?" They both nodded aggressively, "Good, I'll see you at my place tomorrow at six and bring food."

****

You rubbed your face as they fought over the last spring roll, "I swear to shit, cut it in half or I'll eat it." They stopped like little boys caught in the middle of roughhousing and did as you asked, "Thank you."

Bottles shifted in his seat and pushed up his glasses, "Thank you for agreeing to this."

You smiled, "You're both very handsome and I'm hoping to have fun too, it's not a big ask."

The corner of Guero's lip ticked up, "Oh, you're going to have more than fun."

You rolled your eyes, "If you keep bragging, I'm going to think you're overcompensating for something."

"Oh trust me, I'm compensating just the right amount." Sometimes his smug tone made you want to punch him.

Bottles shook his head, "You don't need to worry about that with me, I'm secure."

"You know, it might serve you to be this confident all the time, I like this side of you." He positively beamed at your praise. Guero kicked him under the table and you slapped his chest, "None of that, be nice to him."

Bottles smiled, "Yeah, be nice to me."

Guero's jaw ticked, "You are so in for it Prospect."

You shook your head and stood up, "I'm going to fix up the bedroom, I expect my kitchen to be clean by the time I invite you into my bed." Guero would have taken the chance to make Bottles do it had you not stopped him, "Both of you. You don't want me thinking you're lazy would you?"

Guero shook his head, "I love cleaning."

"Sure you do, you got ten minutes." With that, you headed to the bedroom and left them to rile each other up for the upcoming fun.

At eight minutes, you walked out of the bedroom and back into the kitchen, looking around before smiling, "Great job, shall we?"

Guero slapped Bottles on the back and grinned, "We shall."

You followed them into the bedroom and Guero flopped himself on the chair by the bed while Bottles stood in the middle of the room, "You're not taking part?"

Guero's tongue darted out and licked his lower lip, "I'm alright with watching, I'll step in when he can't do the job right."

You ignored him and stepped closer to Bottles, taking his glasses off his face and handing them to Guero without looking at him. "Are you sure you're alright with this? I don't want you to do anything you're not one hundred percent into."

He laid hands on your cheeks and smiled, "I'm really alright with this, trust me." He leaned in closer and bumped your nose with his, "Can I kiss you?"

You nodded, "Yes, I would like that." His lips were gentle when he pressed them to yours, holding a quiet confidence that made your skin burst out into gooseflesh.

One hand left your face and made its way down your body to unbutton your top before sliding it off your shoulders, "Holy shit."

You could feel Guero eyes on your body as he took in your bare skin, and you broke the kiss, "It's just my back dude."

He chuckled, "Yeah, but I can tell you got a hot bra on, and the Prospect's too busy kissing you to appreciate it."

Sure enough, when you turned back, Bottle's eyes were stuck on your lace covered breast, "It is a nice bra."

You nodded, "Yeah, you wanna take it off me?"

Bottle's hands rushed to remove it as his lips found yours again, "Wow Prospect, I thought you were a virgin but the way that bra came off makes me think we might be alright yet."

You broke the kiss again and shot a look at Guero, "You did crawl out of a cave, virginity isn't real."

Guero chuckled, "Sorry, continue."

Bottles' lips moved to your neck when you turned back this time, that same quiet confidence coming through as his hand moved to your breast to play with your nipple. His hand went to your ribcage and pulled you close as the other moved down to the zipper of your jeans, "Can I?"

You nodded, "Yes please." The zipper came open and a warm hand slid inside before settling over your covered core to cup you through your panties.

"You gonna take her jeans off Prospect? It ain't fair that you're keeping her all of yourself." Again, there was something in Guero's tone that made you want to punch him, he was clearly enjoying the power.

Bottles pushed your panties aside and his fingers grazed your bare flesh, "How about you come over here and do it yourself, I'm busy."

Guero hopped up with a skip in his step and took two long strides over to the middle of the room. His hand were warm as he ran his knuckles up and down your sides, getting lower and lower with each pass before finally going low enough to pull your jeans down your legs, "Did you dress up for us?"

Bottles' calloused fingers finally making direct contact with your clit made it hard to reply, "I think she did, but unlike you, I'm grateful for it."

Guero went to reply, but you mustered your own, "I did it for me, I like nice lingerie. As far as you know, I could have been wearing something like this four nights a week."

Bottles swallowed and flicked his eyes to Guero who smirked, "Our bad, apologise Prospect."

Bottles didn't respond, and your panties went next while he gathered wetness from your entrance before sliding two of his thick fingers inside you. Guero stepped back, flopped on the bed, and pet the spot beside him, "You two wanna join me?"

You whimpered as Bottles pulled his fingers out and stepped backwards towards the bed, sitting on the edge as Bottles stepped between your legs, "You're both overdressed."

You reached out, pulled Bottles' belt free and yanked his jeans down while he removed his shirt and then a bare chest was being pressed against your back and Guero's lips grazing your neck, "Hey, fuck off, it's my turn."

Guero sat back, propped up on the headboard and smirked, "Sorry man, you were just taking forever."

You shook your head in disbelief, "Do I get a say in any of this you fucking troglodytes?"

Bottles suddenly looked very smug, "What do you want?"

You heard Guero's jeans coming off as they waited for your answer, "I want you to fuck me."

Bottles grinned and leaned over, forcing you to lie back, "I can do that."

You made your way up the bed and settled on the pillows and Guero bent over to take you into a kiss. His hand found your cheek and he pulled back while his thumb stroked your skin, "You want me to fuck you too or are you going to make me sit here and watch?"

Eyes got wide as you watched Guero's hand slide down his body to take his dick out, "Holy shit."

Guero chuckled, "That's not an answer."

You blinked, "That thing is fucking huge, what the fuck do you want me to do with it?"

Guero shrugged, "Whatever you want, I'm not fussed."

Bottles tapped your hip gently and drew your attention back to him, "Well you can decide later because I want to make you feel good, can I do that?"

You nodded, "Yes please."

Guero stroked his dick lazily, "So polite, who knew you had such great manners. Did you know about that Prospect?"

Bottles was looking at you like he wanted to eat you alive, "She's always sweet to me, it's not my fault you're an asshole."

"Can someone please do something before I have an aneurism?" No reply came from either of them as Bottles made his way all the way up the bed and hovered over you. His lips touched yours, the kissed deeper this time as his free hand rubbed your outer thigh and you placed one hand on his side and the other reached out to grab Guero's cock.

Bottles grabbed your wrist and shook his head, "Don't."

"But I want to." Your tone was far more desperate than you intended

Guero looked for you to Bottles and chuckled, "Yeah Prospect, she wants to. Are you going to deny such a beautiful woman?"

You could see the wheels turning to Bottles head before he let your hand go, "Alright, only because you've been so good."

Guero wrapped his hand over yours and placed it over his dick, moving in a barely there stroke, "Like that yeah?"

You nodded, "Ok." He smiled and leaned back, enjoying the sensation as he watched Bottles' lips return to your skin.

You slid your hand from Bottles' side and removed his boxers and his hard cock sprung free, "Well look at that, the Prospect's packing too. Who knew?"

Bottles chuckled, "Yeah, and unlike you, I know how to use it."

You huffed, "Can someone please fucking do something instead of just bickering, I could have gotten myself off five times by now."

Bottles smiled and nibbled your neck as he made his way to your breast, and Guero's hand wrapped over yours again as he tightened your grip slightly before pulling away once more. Bottles lips wrapped around your nipple as his hand came up to play with the other but Guero slapped it away, "You don't get to have all the fun, I've barely touched her."

Bottles took the chance to take to the hand that was on your breast and place it back between your legs, and you took in a breath as he went right back to where he was before, with his fingers sliding inside you.

Guero's finger moved in broad, teasing circles, his fingertips bearly touching your breasts as he moved closer to your nipple. Bottles, however, was kissing your flesh like it contained the answer to the universe. Before you could relax into the feeling, Bottles was pulling away and kissing down your body to your core.

Guero picked up the slack, his hands becoming more insistent as he had more room to work, and Bottles' fingertips crooked upwards to brush your G-spot as he used his other hand to lift your legs over his shoulders. He lifted his head and made eye contact with you before giving you a soft smile, "Can I?"

You nodded and wove your hand into his hair, "Please." His lips sealed around your clit and Guero shuffled down so he was lying next to you before taking your face in his hands and pulling you into a kiss. Guero swallowed your moans as Bottles worked you closer to the edge, all the teasing and stopping finally catching up with you as the orgasm rushed towards you like an oncoming train.

You bit down on Guero's pillowy lower lip and he let out a feral grunt as your hand tightened around his cock. You pushed Bottles head closer and ground yourself on his face as your clenched around his fingers and Guero broke the kiss to watch as pleasure overtook your body, "Fuck, that's so fucking hot."

Bottles pulled back and wiped his face with his palm and kissed back up your body, taking your chin in between his fingers and pulling your head away from Guero and towards him as he took you into a kiss. Guero's breath caught in his throat, but before you could act on it, Bottles grabbed both your wrists and pressed them into the pillow by your head, "Keep them there."

Guero was taken aback but recovered quickly, "I was going to complain but this might be better than the handjob."

Bottles removed his hands from your wrists and slid them down your body and bent your knees so he could slot himself in the space between them, "Condoms?"

"Top drawer." Guero twisted himself around and reached over, rifling through the drawer with a smile before pausing to look at something.

A smirk grew on his face as he pulled out a bullet vibe, "What's this?"

He and Bottles shared a look but you shook your head, "Next time."

"Alright, next time it is." Guero shot Bottles a pointed look and when he stayed quiet, the box of condoms was lobbed at his head, "You got something stuck in your throat? She's saying there's going to be a next time."

Bottles' brain caught up with his dick because he was grinning, "Hell yeah, I can't wait."

He picked the condoms up from where they had landed and pulled one out of the packet before opening it and sliding it over his cock. His hands ran up and down your legs as you threw them over his waist and he rubbed his cock up and down your slit and looked into your eyes in a request for permission, "Please."

He slid inside you slowly, biting back his moan as he bottomed out. Guero rested his hand on your cheek and turned your head towards him for another kiss as his hand returned to his dick. Bottles rocked his hips slowly, working up to a steady pace as he held himself above you on his elbows.

You pulled your hands off the pillow and wrapped them around his body, Bottles making no move to stop you as his hips picked up speed. Beside you, Guero tutted and slapped Bottles' shoulder before pushing him slightly, "Have you forgotten something man?"

Bottles hips barely slowed as he shook his head and Guero rearranged himself so he could slide his hand between your bodies to rub your clit, "The fucking basics man."

It took a few thrusts for them to get the rhythm but before long, the sensations overwhelmed you, "I didn't fucking forget man."

Guero smirked, "Ah I see, if you can't handle it I can take over."

"No, please don't stop." That only spurred Bottles on as he picked up speed, and then he was the one batting Guero's hand away as he took over. There was more light shoving as Guero pressed his lips to yours, and Bottles kissed your neck, giving you no time to warn with as the second orgasm swept over you.

Bottles' pace faltered, and they swapped places as he climbed his own high. Through the haze of pleasure, you were vaguely aware that Guero was nibbling bruises into your neck, but before you could protest, Bottles' breath shuddered, and he pulsed inside you.

Your hips twitched as Bottles pulled out and rolled off you with a chuckle, "Sorry."

Guero huffed, "He's not sorry, look at him." He rolled you over onto your side facing him and took your head in his hands, "Don't worry y/n, I'll be nicer to you."

Bottles settled behind you with his chest pressed against your back and ran his hands up and down your body while he pressed his lips to your upper back, "Do you believe him?"

Guero was brushing your sweat stuck hair from your face with a gentle smile, "I do."

There was a rush to find the condoms and Guero paused like he was deep in thought as he held the little square package, "What is it?"

He smiled, "I'm thinking about whether I should go down on you first, it's no fair that the Prospect gets all the fun."

You thought for a moment, "I think that might be a bit too much, my brain feels like it's swimming in maple syrup."

Guero smiled, "Maple syrup, are you a secret Canadian?"

You shook your head, "No, I was worried if I said chocolate syrup you'd leave us to get a hot fudge parfait."

Guero chuckled and pecked your cheek, "I wouldn't dream of it and that's alright, I'm happy to skip to the main event." He rolled the condom down his dick and lifted your leg over his hip before running his cock up and down your slit, "You wanna keep going? You don't need to say yes, we can do something else if you're done."

You smiled, "No, I want to keep going."

Bottles chuckled behind you and reached over to shove Guero lightly, "Who's denying the beautiful woman now?"

Guero snorted, "Hey, I'm being a gentleman." He sighed and his lips met yours as he began a slow, steady slide inside you. He paused for a moment, allowing you to adjust to his ample size before slowly rocking his hips, "You good?" His voice was tightly, clearly feeling the outcome of his own delayed pleasure.

You nodded, "Yep."

Bottles pulled you away from Guero and you twisted towards him like a pretzel so he could kiss you while Guero's hips picked up speed, "Aren't you forgetting something?"

Guero exhaled sharply, "You wanna say that again?" Guero's fingers found your clit in an instant and he flashed a grin at Bottles, "I don't forget." He rolled his hips into you and Bottles swallowed your gasp as Guero brushed your G-spot with each forceful stroke.

Your breath caught in your throat and Bottle's lips turned gentle on yours, the mix of rough and gentle intensifying the sensations even. Bottles didn't let you pull your lips away to warn Guero of your oncoming release and you swore you could hear something break in his brain as you clenched around him, "Fucking fuck."

Guero yanked you away from Bottles and pressed his lips to yours in a kiss that left your head spinning as he followed behind you, taking his hand from your clit and gripping your hip hard enough to leave bruises.

Guero rolled away from you and you flopped onto your back, unable to move much more without rolling onto Bottles, "Fuck that was amazing."

Guero chuckled, "You said it Prospect."

You sighed and pushed yourself up, "I really need to go have a shower, I'm all sweaty."

Bottles followed, looking helpful as always, "We can join you, I had a look at your shower and it will fit all three of us."

Guero shook his head, "What are you talking about Prospect, I'm going to help y/n clean up and you're going to change the sheets."

You crossed your arms over your chest, "Nope, I'm going to shower all by myself and you're both going to change the sheets, they're in the drawers under the bed and there are spare pillows in the cupboard." Guero glared at Bottles and you held up a finger, "No fighting or you'll be sleeping on the porch."

Bottles eyes went wide, "I wasn't fighting, it's all him."

You shook your head and turned on your heel, "Don't think I can't see how you rile him up. I'll be out in ten, that should be enough time."

Thankfully, when you came out of the bathroom, there were fresh sheets on the bed and they were getting along. They took turns in the bathroom and Bottles was thoughtful enough to bring you a glass of water while Guero glared at him.

You stretched and yawned then climbed into bed, Geruo and Bottles following after you, "So, who do you like more, me or Bottles?"

You shook your head, "I like you both equally now can I please get some sleep, I'm worn out."

Bottles chuckled, "That's my plan but I get the feeling that he's going to want to talk."

Guero reached over you and shoved him, "Do not, I know when to shut up, unlike you."

You huffed and climbed over Guero to turn off the lamp, "Goodnight, both of you."

They got the message because they arranged themselves so they could touch you, with all your legs entangled in a mess, while placing their arms strategically over you. Guero pressed his lips to your temple, "Goodnight y/n."

Bottles went next with his lips falling on your cheek, "Goodnight, thank you for tonight."

Guero kicked him softly, "Show off."

Fin

Y'all want this to become a thing? I'm not above making this a thing, where's there's I love yous and non sexual cuddling.

[elle-smells]

so....I got a letter of rejection today. Apparently my "achievements do not meet our admissions requirement" which I mean, sure but not for the specific program I applied for- sigh anygays like I wasn't planning on going but that was my dreams school for so long and I applied on a whim and idk I guess it hurts to be told you weren't good enough.

[slothspaghettiwrites]

If you're still doing the Soulmates thing, how about S for Jake Jensen x Reader?

s...ongbird (any songs a person sings will get stuck in their soulmate’s head for the duration they decide to sing it).

Look if you haven't watched this film, I at least suggest you watch this scene. It always puts a smile on my face. 😂 Drabble isn't about this scene in particular, but it's the vibes man! Also I've decided when your soulmate sings, it's them you hear singing, not the original song.

Wheel In The Sky

Warnings: none, pure fluff, you're eating pizza

It was really too early for your soulmate to be screeching this loud. Most of the time, they mumbled along to songs, you'd be able to pick up a tune and a few words of whatever 80's rock they were singing along to. It wasn't too bad, they're choice in music could have been worse. You'd heard of people who's soulmates were monks, constantly sings Gregorian chants, or worse they yodeled as a hobby.

Your soulmate was average. Their singing voice was okay, you certainly weren't topping the vocal charts by any means. You did your best to broaden their horizons though. There was more to life than the 80s.

The grip on your travel mug tightened as they reached the crescendo of Don't Stop Believin'. Your eyes closing as you tried to count to ten to calm down a little, focusing on what you needed to accomplish today. You could swear they were standing right next to you though. It was echoing around your skull and when you looked around at the lobby you spotted a delivery man dancing... And singing.

Oh god.

No. Absolutely not. This was not the morning to meet your soulmate. Sure fate could be funny or down right cruel, but not today. Maybe this wasn't the guy. He could just happen to sound similar to your soulmate. He definitely wasn't the guy who listened to you sob through For Good when you saw Wicked the first time. He definitely wasn't the guy who sang a phone number to you in 10th grade in hopes you'd call him, only to find out when you did, it was an overseas number and your parents grounded you for a month because of the charges. He definitely didn't look like the type of guy to murmur lullabies when he hoped you'd be turning in for the night, to help you get to sleep even if it was 11:30 in the morning.

He entered the elevator on the other side of the lobby and you tried to not think about it for the rest of the day, which was an absolute cluster fuck. Someone had cracked, or hacked, or whatever the IT people called it, the company database and stolen a load of information. It was only when you got home that evening that you thought about the delivery man again. Your soulmate had gone radio silent before you'd even exited the elevator.

As you cooked dinner, the music came back. More Journey, this time though he was mumbling again.

"Haven't been home in a year or more // I hope she holds on a little longer."

You smiled, this is a song that you kinda liked at least. He's changing the lyrics, though you realised when you stumble over the chorus.

"Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin' // I know where I'll be tomorrow."

He goes through the rest of the song, telling you he'll be home in New Hampshire, what time he's gonna be there. You laughed as he switched songs again.

"You give me something I can hold on to // I know you'll think I'm like the others before // Who saw your name and number on the wall."

He was singing a phone number.

"Shit. Fuck. Who just does this? Jesus Christ."

You are just able to get the number down. Now, at least, you have the sense to look it up online before you start dialing. It's a cell phone number, the area code is where he says he'll be. Before you can chicken out you video call the number. You needed to know, was the guy from this morning your soulmate. While it rings, you can't help but fidget. This was really how you'd meet your soulmate for the first time and honestly you looked a bit exhausted. You rubbed your eyes.

"H-Hey," the person on the other end clears their throat, "hey, I uh didn't know if that would work."

It's his voice all right. You're looking right at the delivery guy from this morning. Seeing his face clearly now, you wondered how you got this lucky. He was gorgeous, about 30 maybe with the bluest eyes you'd ever seen framed by thin round glasses.

"I would have tried sooner, but my work has been really, really crazy. I won't bore you with details."

He smiled, a blush rising on his cheeks that made you feel heat rise in yours. His face was almost as pink as his shirt.

"Don't worry about it," you smiled back. "My works been crazy too."

"What time is it where you right now?"

Like clockwork, your oven timer went off. There's the quickest, cringiest tour of your kitchen as you pull out your dinner. You showed him your pizza and he grinned, twisting his whole phone around to show you his dinner. A cheeky grin spread across his face.

"So does this count as our first date?"

[randomoranges]

good god almighty. here is part 4. somehow longer than the other parts. somehow with more Emotions. i decided to not be vague and call the spades spades. this one is more nsfw because of things étienne mentions. 

again, minor character death and lots of introspection ha ha .

ive been working on the beast for like almost a month now. part 5 aint even done. im so glad i hacked it up in the end. 

PART IV

“The 60s were good with that – for forgetting and moving on. There was – or seemed to be this renewed sense of freedom, as if the people were finding their true purpose in the city. A great big curtain was being pulled back and we were given the opportunity to redefine ourselves. It felt like hope, in a way and with the distance put with the church, I felt I could breathe a little more and I was able to find myself. By the time Expo rolled around, it gave me purpose – something to do. The energy in the city was astounding. The projects people were coming up with – the possibilities they were unveiling – I had never felt something like that. I thought for sure this energy would see us through the next one hundred years; we’d be feeding off of it and returning to it for years to come. It would be our source of creation. Everyone seemed to be excited; the world was literally in our backyard and it felt good to bask in the attention.”

 It made sense for Étienne to have Expo, considering how good he was at catering to others – at giving them the good time they wanted. He thrived in giant crowds and lived for the attention. Plus, at the time, Montreal really did feel as though it was the center of Canada. It still felt like an other-worldly experience and there were still times when Edward wasn’t convinced Expo hadn’t been one massive hallucination. And he’d only been a small part of it, unlike Étienne who had lived every stage of it.

 “With the change of decade, going into the 70s, I expected much of the same – moving forward, the endless possibilities of the future and such. For the first time in a long time, I was actually looking forward to having more time – to being immortal and being able to experience every change. To make new connections. Expand and broaden the horizons and such.”

 “And then it all went to shit, starting with the October crisis. There was a lot that happened in the 70’s and not everything was bad, but for me, personally, it was a series of euphoric highs and devastating lows. In the same breath of the Crisis there would be a Cup win, then there was the Exodus, the language debacles and it never seemed to end. Up and down and up and down. One giant roller coaster that never gave me a chance to catch my breath. It was hard to feel anything let alone make it constant. It took a toll – added up and left me reeling in ways I had never thought possible. I couldn’t finish celebrating the Cup that I would get notified that something terrible had just happened. I would be relishing in disco and there’d be a murder. It was too fucking much. I couldn’t take it anymore. Everything I had worked so hard to build was slowly being torn from my hands and what was left didn’t seem to matter enough. The proverbial carpet had been yanked from under my feet and no matter how many times I tried to get up, I just kept falling and falling and falling... there was no end in sight.”

 Their correspondence at that time had petered off, somewhat. They’d both ended up in unpleasant situations and the last thing Edward had wanted to do was to take a pen and write to his friend to let him know how miserable he was. There’d been times when he’d wondered if his friend hadn’t found out about his fate and had left him for dead as well and it had only been later – much later – that he’d found out through Étienne exactly why he hadn’t written as often, if at all, for a few years.

 “I’m not exactly proud of what I ended up doing, but it seemed like the right solution at the time. I was a mess. I needed help but I didn’t realise it and I wasn’t sure there even was such help for such a lost cause. Working the streets and the clubs were as much self-punishment as they were the only place I felt I could succeed. It was easy to spread my legs to let some random guy fuck me in an alley. It was easy to pretend to be someone else. It was easy to get down on my knees and suck them off. It was easy to let others use me as they wanted and write it off as being unworthy of anything else. This was where I belonged – with the outcasts and the has beens.”

 There’s a shuddering breath that’s released and Edward has no idea if it’s his or Étienne’s. He’s astounded his boyfriend is willingly talking of this chapter of his life. It had taken years for Étienne to even speak of it to him and the confession had been a quiet halting thing that had taken him a while to piece together.

 Yet, despite finding out, it hadn’t changed Edward’s opinion of him. If anything, he had found Étienne brave and courageous for telling him about it and his heart had ached for him even more. Étienne was worthy. Étienne wasn’t a failure and he succeeded at so many other wonderful things. In his opinion, he was still as relevant as before and had never been an outcast or a has been. He was still a leader and trail blazer in his own right, even if Étienne himself didn’t always realise it.

 “When they gave me the Olympics,” Étienne goes on, once more showing that he is brave and more than the terrible things that he had gone through, “I hoped this would be the shot I needed – that it would be as wonderful as Expo had. If anything, it would be on a smaller scale than Expo. It would be a piece of cake, I figured. At least, they’d given me the Olympics in a timely way and not last minute. Therefore, there would be no excuses to fail. but for as much as Expo felt like a fever dream doused with magic, the Olympics were harder to get going. There were so many things that went wrong. So many strikes. So much corruption. The magic was gone. It was the opposite of what I needed and it just drove me further down my own spiral.

 “So I went for the drugs and the sex. One made me feel when I was numb, one numbed everything when I felt too much. And the sex was as much a means to an end as what seemed to be the only thing I could properly deliver. So I stuck to it. Went in and out of these phases. Went on the biggest of benders, woke up in places I had no recollection of going to and such. Drove Élyse nuts. But it didn’t matter to me; I’d still be alive, so who cared what I put myself through?”

 Edward wants to say that there were many who cared, but he knows that it would fall on deaf ears. He gets what Étienne means by it, but it still hurts him that his boyfriend had had to go through all of this. He gives his hand another squeeze and if anything, Étienne offers him a small smile, acknowledging the gesture.

 “I was all over the place and when I finally met Koffey, shortly after the Olympics, it was quite by accident and he took me by surprise.”

 “Everything about our relationship was different than the others I’d been in up until then. For starters, it didn’t happen the way the others had. It wasn’t the usual meet, sex and eventually develop feelings. He’d been living in the city for a few years when we met. He’d immigrated here, in search for a new adventure – ahead of the wave that would come later on. He’d decided to open up a restaurant, bringing us the local flavors of his own country. I stumbled there, quite by accident and I was most likely high and not even fully coherent. To be honest, I can’t even say I remember that day; he’s the one who told me later on.”

 “I ended up returning. Later. On a better day.  I think I was convinced it was my first time here, but Koffey was a little wary of seeing me again. Apparently, I had been a little rowdy on my first visit... Yet, he still gave me a chance and was still very polite while he served me, if a little guarded. I felt bad, so I returned and the more I went back, the more I was drawn – by him, his cuisine, and his quiet sense of humour and intelligence.”

 “He eventually realised I wasn’t a complete asshole and he’d start coming to talk to me when the restaurant was quiet. He was – a breath of fresh air, really and at the time the one good thing I had going on. It felt like being thrown a lifeboat – something to hang on to while I tried not to drown – by my thoughts, my life, the shit-show burning around me. A beacon of hope and light I clung to desperately.”

 “I honestly didn’t even think Koffey was interested in men. It surprised me, when one day, I hung around until the restaurant closed. I waited for him out in the back, not wanting to go home just yet. I also didn’t think going home just yet would be wise. I was still all over the place and I knew that if I went home I’d end up using or doing something even stupider. Having a friend helped keeping my thoughts on track. Koffey, without knowing what was going on in my head, helped keep my mind quiet. I wanted to know more about him and his life, so I focused on that. Anyways, it’d been a quiet night and we’d been having a grand old time chatting. I thought maybe we could walk around and bum out in a park. Summer was starting to settle in for good and it was a perfect night out. Warm and this side of humid, with a gentle breeze to make it pleasant.”

 Edward has his own thoughts and ideas about the description of the weather, but he schools his face in a neutral expression and listens on.

 “He was surprised to see me out back, but pleased and we picked up our conversation from where we’d left off. We ended up taking the long way back to his. I didn’t mind having to walk back to mine after and the extra detour would do me some good. However, he invited me in for a beer and I obviously said yes. He was my friend, after all and the thought of a cold beer to end the night sounded great.”

 “We must have spent a few more hours drinking beer and talking and somewhere along the line, he leaned in and kissed me. Completely unprompted. I was shocked and surprised and at first he thought I wasn’t interested, since I hadn’t kissed him back. He must have apologised at least a dozen times. It was quite funny, really. I’d keep trying to tell him that it was fine, but he wouldn’t listen. And the more he went on, the more afraid he was that I’d do something to him – which was quite sobering, let me tell you. I finally took matters in my own hands and kissed him myself. We’d been hanging around together for months, by then and had I known, I would have put a move on him sooner, maybe. The kiss finally got him to stop apologising and for a moment after that all we did was make-out on his couch like all the terrible clichés in movies.” He laughs at that, fond, as he twiddles with an unlit cigarette. “It was so different, though – soft and tender. Nicholas had been very forward with his kissing that first time. I knew we would end up in his bed the moment he kissed me, whereas with Koffey – it almost felt hesitant and cautious and I thought that was lovely.”

 “He still asked afterwards if I was that way, which I thought was both endearing and silly – considering I had just kissed him and wouldn’t have minded him kissing him some more. I assured him that I was and to prove my point, I kissed him again. I recall teasing him about it later, asking him if he needed another kiss to be sure I was into men. He thought I was being ridiculous, which was saying something.”

 There’s a gentle, soft smile that graces Étienne’s features, not for the first time during their talk, and Edward wonders what memories his boyfriend is reliving – what images his brain has conjured for him to revisit. He’s glad, though, that despite the heartache that Étienne still has fond memories of Koffey to go back to.

 “I wasn’t in love with him – not at that point, but I was certainly drawn to him. He was – beautiful. On the outside as much as on the inside; a gentle soul, really. I would have willingly gone to bed with him that night, but he insisted we wait a little and take things slow. This had never really happened and even though I was a little annoyed, I didn’t push the issue and floated back home after one last kiss.”

 “He actually – I swear, the next time I went to see him, he actually asked me out on a proper date. He was too much! And I couldn’t believe that a man like Koffey, sweet and gentle and kind, would want to date me who felt broken and used and soiled in so many ways. But he saw beyond that and insisted we go on a proper date before we went to bed together and so I said yes; because I did really want him and I loved his company.”

 “Our first date was nothing extraordinary, but it was nice – to be taken out – to feel as though I was worthy of someone’s attention and affection again. It was almost as good as a high. He took me out to dinner and then insisted we go to a movie and he was so gallant about the whole thing. He paid for the meal and for the ticket and don’t ask me how the movie ended, because halfway through we started making-out in the back and before the movie ended we left to go back to his.”

 “Koffey was – so very sweet to me. Our first time together felt like something out of a romance movie. There was no frenetic urgency to it. It wasn’t just sex because he wanted a fast way to get to his release. He made love to me. Me! It boggled my mind. He kissed and caressed every bit of me that felt broken and used. It was – wonderful and too much and I tried changing the pace to something that felt less consuming ‘cause I couldn’t handle so much love being given to me, but he kept on finding ways to make it less about the sex and more about us and I couldn’t take it. I eventually broke down in tears.”

 “And get this – he thought he, of all people, had done something wrong to me – that he’d hurt me in some way. I came clean to him. Told him everything. As much as I could. The drugs, the streets – the fall from grace. Every last ugly truth came out as he held me in his arms and made sure I understood I was someone worthy of love again. I felt stupid for breaking down and felt even worse for needing him to comfort me. And despite that, there were still things I couldn’t tell him. He tried asking about what was bothering me – because he could tell. Even when I lied – he could always tell when there was more – when everything in my head was too loud, but it was hard to explain. I couldn’t just say oh by the way, I’m semi-immortal and I represent a city. Yeah, fucked up I know, but I swear that’s not the acid talking.”

 “It wasn’t stupid,” Edward breaks. He knows Étienne is in a better place now, but he also knows his boyfriend is still prone to great bouts of self-doubt that do more harm than good to him. He’d hate to think that Étienne still feels that way.

 “I know,” Étienne responds quickly. Edward wonders if he isn’t deflecting, but he figures Étienne’s heart has been scorched raw enough for the day that he can let it slide for this time.

 “You’ve always been worthy of love,” He adds softly and Étienne stills for a moment.

 “I know.” He says again, but it sounds different this time around; a little more vulnerable and fragile. Edward wants to gather him in his own arms and hold him tightly, but instead he keeps hold of his hand and lets Étienne carry on with his story.

 “I made it up to him, later, once the storm had passed. I didn’t want him to think that I would be some emotional weight to him. He’d wanted sex so I made sure to deliver. He was still very sweet and loving with me and I tried to ignore it. I focused on making it good for him so that he wouldn’t toss me to the side and in my mind it worked. Yet, thinking back, there were still times when I felt like he was onto me. Like he knew when I was faking it for both our benefits, but he let me be.”

 “Still, for as much as Koffey was good for me and to me, he wasn’t a cure to all my problems. It would’ve been too easy. He helped – more than he probably ever realised, but I was still reckless and I still fluctuated. Bad days and worse days. On those, he’d simply hold me in his arms and let me cry in them.

Sometimes there’d be an okay day. He made it tolerable. To be alive. Made the sharp edges rounder. Made me feel like I could hang on another day. And there were those times when I felt like I genuinely wanted to be around – for him. I wanted to take him somewhere or kiss him again. I wanted to tell him some funny story I had heard or simply go to bed with him one more time. So I stuck it out and tried to survive.”

 “He was so kind and patient with me. He loved me, despite what I was and how I was. He loved me even when I couldn’t love myself. God, I never deserved him. He was too good for me and to me. And somehow, I repaid his kindness by making him sick and killing him!”

 “You don’t know that for sure.” Edward replies quickly, without thinking.

 He remembers the visit. Remembers finding out about the real significance of Koffey. Of going over to visit Étienne and finding him distraught and broken hearted. Of Étienne bringing him to the cemetery. The breakdown and the tears. The trembling murmured admissions of guilt. The dawning connection he’d made.

 Edward had been in his own headspace at the time and their correspondence had petered out, hence his grasp of Koffey’s role in Étienne’s life had been lacking in some regards. But standing by that grave, with his friend opening up about him and telling him what had happened had marked Edward.

 “I may as well have, Edward.” Étienne snaps. He lights up the cigarette he’d been previously playing with and takes a long drag from it. “He died and it was all my fault. I couldn’t even – I wasn’t even there when he died. I was too afraid. And ashamed. I was a coward. He’d chosen me and I may as well have tossed him out.” He flicks the ash with more force than necessary and when Edward spares him a glance, he sees the storm of hate and shame fight in Étienne’s eyes through his unshed tears. “He deserved better – after everything he did for me and I repaid his kindness by being a coward.”

 Edward knows that there’s no sense in telling Étienne that it’s not his fault. His boyfriend will keep berating himself until he runs out of steam and he supposes that it’s best to let him be and wait it out. Yet, it doesn’t sit well with him to have Étienne react this way. Sure, he could have been responsible for Koffey getting sick, but at the same time, there was no actual proof. He hates that it still eats Étienne alive and part of him wants to take him by the shoulders, shake him, and tell him to convince himself otherwise. Especially if it’ll help him move on. But – he’s known Étienne for too long and knows that such actions will do him no good.

 Instead, he waits and starts to itch for a cigarette of his own. He settles instead for a deep breath and then another. He thinks back to his own response to the crises. To the way he’d taken action. The misery and heartache he’d seen and lived. The friends he’d lost. The ones he’d buried. He thinks of running to Montreal to get away from it all and leaning on Étienne for a chance to forget and leave it all behind. There’s an irony here he still hasn’t fully grasped but it’s a reflection for a different day. There’s already enough that’s been looked over for one day.

 “I don’t think he would have wanted you to beat yourself over it,” He offers instead. Étienne sniffs loudly and doesn’t give him an answer. Instead, he remains quiet, fighting with his own demons.

 “You never did tell me why you called him Koffey,” Edward tries again, minutes later, when he feels that the mood has shifted once more and that Étienne has calmed down some. Perhaps this approach will work better, he thinks.

 Étienne sniffles and rubs at his eyes, “Oh,” He starts and a small smile deigns to make an appearance on his face, which Edward is thankful for. “Apparently, his regular customers used to call him that. He thought it was hysterical and he never really liked his own name. I never questioned it beyond that and it stuck.”

 Étienne grows silent after that and turns reflective. Even Mercury seems to sense the shift in mood and nuzzles her way up to his arms for cuddles. The distraction serves its purpose and Étienne focuses on her for a while, caressing her fur and scratching her behind the ears, which she seems to enjoy, if Edward is to judge by the wagging of her tail. He watches and lets them be for a while, glad the dog can help where he can’t.

 “You would’ve liked him,” Étienne quietly says after a while. He’s not looking at him, hands still buried deep in Mercury’s dark coat, but Edward doesn’t mind.

 “I’m sure I would have – he sounds like a great guy.”

 “The greatest.”

 Not for the first time, Edward wonders if Étienne’s feelings hadn’t become tainted with guilt over the years. He doesn’t question Étienne’s love for Koffey, but he wonders if the circumstances of his death haven’t left a lasting grip on him that wouldn’t have otherwise been there if the man had died of natural causes at a ripe old age. The wounds are still too raw and fresh to ask, so he lets the matter rest and figures that there will be other occasions to ask.

 They fall silent after that, both lost again in their own thoughts. He hears the occasional snuffle from Mercury and sends out a silent prayer of thanks to whatever higher power there might be out there for her presence in Étienne’s life. In the few years Étienne has had her, he already sees the difference and impact she’s made in his life.

 Eventually, Mercury settles back on Étienne’s side and his friend leaves a hand around her neck, absent-mindedly stroking her dark coat, while he reaches out for Edward’s own hand with his other. Edward is a little surprised, but he doesn’t mind and let’s Étienne play with his fingers. He traces the lines on his hand with the edge of a nail and draws loops with it afterwards. Edward watches the movement carefully with his eyes and finds it oddly grounding in a way. He hadn’t realised he’d felt a little unmoored by these tales and he wonders, not for the first time, just how attuned to him Étienne really is.

 They settle around each other, the breeze gently ruffling their hair and Edward takes a deep breath to process some of what he’s just heard.

 “And shortly after Koffey died, while I was still mourning him and hating myself for everything I had done, you came along at both the best and worst moment of my life.”

--

Part III Part V

[serpentsapple]

(This post includes major spoilers for The Grisha Trilogy and the Shades of Magic series.)

@dykeblight replied to our introductory post with the following:

alright bud since u decided to put this in the main tags of the books ur critiquing ur ready to hear my take on this. first of all the wording in this post is pretentious as hell and it bothered me all thru out reading it. second of all, let’s lay some shit down: the only books ive read discussed in this post are adsom and tgt, and while i agree that tgt isn’t the most radically feminist book series out there, i have to ask: why are u focused on women writing this? why is this post generalizing

horrible male authors but name dropping female ones? alinas journey was largely about her realizing that she could make her own choices. about her not needing to be queen or supreme ruler or some shit. about how she could literally settle down with the worlds most boring dude and still be happy. anyways, beyond that: adsom. first of all, whenever someone pulls the “not like other girls” card for lila, i have to pull the “she’s genderfluid” card. it wasn’t Explicitly stated in the series, and v

has expressed regret for that, so it’s probably going to be more obvious in the next series. also, adsom is very much a period piece. you couldn’t be a woman in the early nineteenth century doing what lila did without like, yknow, *not being a woman.* the threat she got on that first ship— a period piece! if it was a male author, then that’s gross. but it’s not, a woman wrote it! lila also proceeded to burn the whole goddamn ship down. sometimes authors don’t want to write traditionally feminine

characters!!! sometimes women want to write about what THEY can relate to! and ve schwab, as a queer woman, probably did that. so now we come back to the question of WHY are you calling out only female authors for this? you could have accomplished the same goal by just including books and authors that you deemed Respectable. not to be that bitch, but there was literally no reason for you to post this lmfao. i think we should first tackle the issue that is men having access to keyboards, and

maybe then we can broaden our horizons by critiquing everything women do thats decidedly not perfect.                            

We created this blog to discuss these topics, so we welcome other opinions and interpretations!

To reiterate our goal and perhaps clarify... male authors already receive enough publicity and analysis - to the point they eclipse, at times, their female peers, even when it comes to writing female characters. How wonderful of them to treat fictional women as fellow human beings! (How shameless of others to treat them as their personal sexual fantasy!) Yet we would like to hear what women have to say about themselves. It is why we focus exclusively on their works.

Furthermore, we believe these works as worthy of analysis as any text written by a man. And it is precisely because of this conviction - their books potentially as grandiose, as mediocre as any man’s - that we will not refrain from criticising them. To treat them differently would be implicitly agreeing with the notion they aren’t as intellectually engaging as men’s writings.

Moreover, we are not advocating for “feminist” books from women. In fact, we dislike this qualifier: too often misattributed, rarely useful, always commercial. We desire convincing female characters, as talented as they are flawed, as just as they can be immoral. Thus, while we have grown tired of uncreative, unnecessary sexism in fantasy, we are not expecting perfect little militants in every story. We expect to be moved and stunned, to be left inspired or reflecting on what we read.

I hope this has cleared up our intent with the blog. Now, for the specific series discussed...

While I could see this be Bardugo’s aim for Alina’s journey, I disagree with it being well executed. Narratively speaking, I do not think Alina was treated fairly and was able to make true choices. Throughout all three books, Alina remained unobservant and somewhat self-centered, never challenging the affirmations of others and instead regarding them as truth. Let’s take the example of the Darkling: she accepts his supposed initial good intentions and views him, to the very end, as some kind of lost and anguished “boy”. Yet that isn’t what the text shows - on the contrary, the Darkling is a hollow character that spent centuries sitting on his behind, doing nothing for his fellow Grisha. Alina is never given the chance to realise this and reevalute what happened to her.

Beyond this, I feel like Alina’s journey was contrived from the start. Bardugo does not allow her to see beyond the words of others, nor does she allow her to actually grow. Alina’s crush on Mal and her fixation on remaining with him - despite him disliking what she is! - stems from a child’s anxiety and solitude. Instead of becoming her own woman, making her own choices and yes, having to face losing relationships, Alina regresses to the safety of her childhood, powerless and normal, just like Mal. Let us remember that, to remain with him, she sealed her powers within herself, endangering her health! So symbolically, it is a slap in the face: just when she embraced her powers - meaning letting go of her fears, of Mal -, she loses it all and go back to square one.

This is why I don’t find Alina’s journey satisfying. Even if it hurts, I wish to see female characters confronted to their fears and their flaws, and grow from them*. That is not what we witnessed with Alina. And: why is it that female characters must be “depowered”? Why does the Darkling (and Ilya Morozova) get to keep his immense powers, must live with his guilt, yet Alina loses every and any scrap of magic? Why is she punished for her greed so much, when she hardly is the greediest? (This echoes also Genya’s “punishment”, so heavily tied to her being a beautiful woman and beauty being, in Bardugo’s world, a key quality for women. Nikolai’s monstruous transformation is cruel but never specifically targeted at his sex.)

Why is it female characters only whose “happy” ending involve going back to their boyfriend’s house, complete with potential children? In a fantasy world, is it the best we can offer to these characters? Why does “making her own choice” usually involve them being unambitious and - I am barely caricaturing - happy housewives? Where are the female characters being greedy, powerful to the point of madness, and fascinatingly ruthless? Where are the genius, the good but scheming inventors and princesses? Where are the female Darklings and the female Nikolais?

Yes, it may not be Alina’s story and that’s alright. But reading the story she received, I could not help wondering: is it truly her story, or is it her story in a narrative unfair to women?

As for Lila... what Schwab stated confusingly in interviews or twitter threads cannot be used to analyse the text itself, though it may help. In this case, it holds a very different perspective from what she may affirm outside of it, so let’s keep close to what she wrote.

I disagree that it is a period piece. Her series is firmly set in a fantasy version of our world, with four alternate but equally real Londons, and with interactions between them that differentiate her England from ours. She chose to keep this England similar to ours, so the departure from it could be obvious; she chose, again, to have Lila threatened with rape by sailors even in Red London, her full invention. She chose, still, to never mention the miserable reality of lots of poor women like Lila in our England - namely, prostitution. She picked what suited her, as authors do, yet could not come up with any other plot than sexual assault. That she is a woman does not excuse her utter lack of imagination on that front! I find the notion that female characters are condemned to sexual threats depressing, on top of insulting towards authors who still strive to be creative.

And this is all ignoring what Schwab forced her other female characters to endure, which is sexual slavery, somewhat coerced pregnancies and social isolation, plus being sexist caricatures and butchered so men could be sad about it. In that context, what is Schwab exactly saying about women, if even her heroine is misogynistic and desperately trying to escape this reality? If Lila isn’t a woman - which she is in the text, she never denies being one, she only affirms being different, meaning a full human being! -, does that mean women’s place is in caricature and distress and death? If she is, then must they reject their womanhood and deride other women to be in the spotlight?

And this is all, again, ignoring that Schwab who, yes, admitted wanting to write a female character she wished to see in fiction, that resembled her... had Lila’s whole development derailed in favour of male characters. Lila’s ambition and excessiveness vanished in a third book dedicated to temptation! Lila’s anger and recklessness receded in front of Holland, all so we could learn about his sad backstory. Which involved, as salt to the wound, the stereotypes of a greedy girlfriend and the ever failing mother Schwab is so fond of.

Our post never suggested that women should not write non traditionally feminine women. Rather, that would be quite refreshing! I would love to read about these women that we hardly see.

Is it what Schwab wrote, though? Lila indeed crossdresses and appears androgynous enough to sometimes pass as a man (not always, in a manner that is most convenient to the author). Yet: she constantly mocks other women for being vapid, gossiping, feminine, in a word weak. Yet: Schwab has her, in the second book, attend a ball dressed femininely and feeling insecure about it, all to state she is - quoting! - “not most girls” and have Kell, her love interest, compliments her. She has the happy tomboy reaffirmed as able to be feminine and beautiful that way! How is that not depressing for every woman and girl who never want to be feminine? Why did Schwab choose to have her in a dress instead of a suit, like Lila would probably have preferred? Why did Schwab choose to strictly divide women and men into two categories, dress-wearing and not-dress-wearing? Why is Lila alone in her plight as an androgynous woman? Why didn’t this fantasy world have women and men dressed in a way they felt comfortable with?

This isn’t a period piece. Schwab was free to make that choice... and she did not. I would add, too, that women in real life have always struggled and fought against misogyny. They were women and they were still complex human beings and they still tried to live as comfortably as they could. Sometimes they failed, yes, because society wouldn’t want them to. But women like Lila have existed, and behaved like her, and dressed like her, and dreamed as big as her. Why should not we expect as much of fiction, then?

Sidenote: I am especially critical of that awful “tomboy turns into a lady” trope that fandom will seize it and run. It is disheartening to see countless edits and fanarts of Lila depicting her as feminine instead of androgynous as she was written, and often in feminine clothing at that. So if even the narrative later ends up confirming it...

*Or perhaps spiral down, willingfully blind. Alina’s story isn’t supposed to be a tragedy, however, so this does not apply here.

(If you don’t mind, I would like to hear why you found the post’s wording pretentious?)

[gffa]

DO YOU WANT TO CRY about some STAR WARS characters and relationships and feelings? But you’re not quite sure specifically what you want to cry about today?  Not sure if you want to cry about what Anakin Skywalker could have been?  Want to cry about Vader and his kids?  Want to cry about EVERYTHING ABOUT OBI-WAN KENOBI’S LIFE?  Want to cry about Rex or Ahsoka?  Want to cry about time travel?  Want to cry about the Phoenix crew? BOY, CAN I HELP YOU OUT, FRIEND.  Because fandom brought theri A-game in just about every possible way this time! STAR WARS FIC RECS: PREQUELS RECS: ✦ untitled Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan fic by stonefreeak, anakin & ahsoka (& obi-wan) & cast, 1.8k    Anakin sits on the floor in his room, back against the bed and face buried in his knees. He didn’t bother to turn the lights on when he came back, the darkness too soothing, too comfortable to disrupt. ✦ untitled Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan fic by stonefreeak part one + part two, padme & cast, 2.6k    The Senate has a crisis meeting to react to the bombing of the Senate Office Building. Dun dun dunnnnnn… ✦ Suffer Not the Children by ambiguously, katooni & cast, 2k    “The Temple has fallen. We must go now.” ✦ we were born for better days by FireflysLove, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 3.6k wip    Obi-Wan attempts to save Vader from the Dark Side, but the Rebellion, especially Bail Organa and Ahsoka Tano, are not going to believe that after a decade of terrorizing the galaxy, Anakin Skywalker can possibly be saved. ✦ Free Agent by countessofbiscuit, ahsoka & boba & cast (& background rex/ahsoka), 9.5k    In which Ahsoka falls in with more misguided youth, drinks to forget (it doesn’t work), and wastes no time broadening her career horizons with her boyfriend’s delinquent kid brother. ✦ Don’t Go Gently Into This Darkness by ThatDamnKennedyKid, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cody & rex & cast, 5.6k wip    When Cody awoke, his General was sitting next to his bed, body still and stare distant. He was thinking, planning, readying. That meant a disaster was coming down the line, and when Kenobi got to it, it would not be pretty for whoever was on the other side. ✦ Captain and Commander by Elfpen, ahsoka & rex & cast, 3.2k    A look into the special camaraderie shared by Captain Rex and Ahsoka Tano, arcing from the issuance of Order 66 to past the end of Rebels. A story told in three parts. Rated for death and violence. ✦ Caught in the Tide by brinnanza, obi-wan & anakin, ~1k    He takes one look at the boy, his pale skin, the dark bags under his red-rimmed eyes, and breathes a soft sigh. “Oh, Anakin,” he says gently and steps aside to let his former padawan into the room. ✦ O Captain! by naberiie, rex, 1.5k    Rex is the last of Torrent Company. The ghosts of his brothers - their words - haunt him still. ✦ I Found You pt2 by KeeperofSeeds, obi-wan & shmi & cast, ~1k    She looks up and meets the eyes of Qui Gon Jinn. Her son’s grand Master. ✦ we found us a home by shiningjedi, shaak & adi & yaddle, 1k wip    Scenes showcasing the bonds of friendship and family between the Jedi of the Clone Wars and Prequel eras. ✦ In Time by Ripki, obi-wan & anakin, time travel, 18.8k wip    As the Clone Wars drags on and the secrets between them grow, Anakin and Obi-Wan have begun to drift apart. When a mysterious holocron sends them through time, they don’t only have to confront their past and future – but the present as well. (Or the Force, frustrated and tired with all their bullshit, sends the Team to an unconventional couple’s therapy.) ✦ Y'AIN’T SHIT, WITCH by subtropicalStenella, wolffe & kit & asajj & cast, 1.1k    The Clone Wars: Asajj/Wolffe/Kit Fisto, the fight which costs the Commander his eye. An Explicit Trash Talking No Holds Barred Brawl. ✦ Under a purple sun… by Perspicacia, obi-wan & ahsoka, ~1k    Ahsoka hadn’t been happy when Skyguy had left her with Master Kenobi for this mission, but it was still good to spend time with her Grand Master. ✦ Queen Under the Ocean by BloodyMary, padme, ~1k    Once upon a time, the people of Naboo had elected a queen. She had fought for her people, and she would not be forgotten. People like her did not die–they lived on in stories long after those who knew them had died. ✦ To tell you the truth, I’m relieved by Petra, obi-wan & anakin & death, discworld crossover, ~1k    When you die, you have to walk a desert. Obi-Wan and Anakin are dead, and they’ve been to deserts before. ✦ Rumour Has It by Ripki, obi-wan & anakin/padme & ahsoka & cast, 5.2k    Rumour has it that the distinguished Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi is seeking a new apprentice after successfully training the Chosen One into Knighthood. The whole Temple seems to be in a flutter of excitement; Anakin, less so. He sets himself the task of reviewing every single one of the hopeful Initiates. After all, it is not just anyone, who can survive being Obi-Wan’s Padawan. ✦ Fire by EwanMcGregorIsMyHomeboy12, obi-wan/satine, NSFW, 1.7k    Between the incident with Tal Merrick on the Coronet and the long ride back to Coruscant, there are plenty of things that a certain Jedi Master and Duchess can get into… ✦ Help Me by FireflyFish, obi-wan & anakin, 2.5k    All seemed lost, light, love, and hope. And then Anakin cried out for help… ✦ A Good Time by daily_nightly, obi-wan & anakin, 1.4k    A story about a padawan who always gets in trouble and needs his master to rescue him. Typical Anakin Skywalker and Obi-wan Kenobi. ✦ Hondo Kenobi by StarWarsSyl, obi-wan & hondo & cast, 2.6k    It’s not every day the pirate Hondo calls Obi-Wan in to give him a baby. ✦ Recovery by Perspicacia, obi-wan & ahsoka & cast, 1.8k    Ahsoka came back alive from her fight with Vader but not exactly in good shape. Bail Organa promptly sent her for some recovery time with one of his most mysterious contacts in the Outer Rim. ✦ Oft Falling by kylohen, obi-wan/padme, NSFW, 10.5k    Every few months, whenever he can, Obi-Wan sends flowers to the Coruscant apartments of Senator Padmé Amidala. There’s a reason for this that he can never explain, except to her. If anyone else knew, it would ruin him. ✦ To lay your heart and head upon by ambiguously, ahsoka/barriss, 1.5k    Ahsoka is on a mission when she runs into an old friend. OBI-WAN/ANAKIN RECS: ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan (sort of), d/s, 84.1k wip    During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. ✦ all spaces are liminal by Kierkegarden, obi-wan/anakin & sidious, & cast, nsfw, sith!obi-wan, 35.9k    Three years after the fall of the Republic, Obi-Wan Kenobi hasn’t come any closer to making peace with his new life. Three years after the fall of the Republic, Vader wants the gratification of forgiveness. Three years after the fall of the Republic, time doesn’t bend or break or alter. It simply rushes past those who cannot learn to embrace it. ✦ Return to the Point of No Return by cthene, obi-wan/anakin, time travel, touch starved, 26.7k    He turns around, his tunic soaked with blood, and holds the gorgon’s head up by its wispy hair. “Anakin, please-” “Don’t beg me, Master,” says the last of the Sith, tenderly reaching to cup Obi Wan’s hot cheek with a gore-stained hand. “Command me.” ✦ My Moon After the Tide by LemonTwister, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, some d/s, 38.8k    After being inflicted with a paralytic toxin, Anakin is unable to care for himself until he recovers. Obi-Wan promises to provide his Padawan with everything he needs. ✦ starbird by imaginarykat, obi-wan/anakin, 8.8k    As far as Anakin’s concerned, Obi-Wan is the picture of a perfect Jedi. ✦ To Lose My Mind and Find My Soul by Glare, obi-wan/anakin & cast, fairy tale au, 3.2k wip    Anakin Skywalker is not allowed past the boundaries of the village, is not allowed to walk the path through the wood that leads to the world beyond, but sometimes he finds himself slipping away anyways, inexplicably drawn to the forest and the monstrous creature that stalks it. ✦ Eyes Wide Like Cherry Pies by Darlings (FromDreamstoEmpires), FromDreamstoEmpires, obi-wan/anakin & padme & cast, NSFW, modern au, 6.7k wip    Anakin is a typical struggling college student studying art. Obi-Wan is a successful lawyer he meets one night through Padme and Staine. He doesn’t think he’ll ever see him again but neither of them can deny their attraction to each other. ✦ Last breath by Arctii, obi-wan/anakin & cast, 7.9k wip    Anakin leaves. Obi-Wan decides, reluctantly, knowing it’s probably not the smartest thing he has done, to try and track him down. That, surprisingly, proves to be a difficult task. Especially since there are so many realisations he doesn’t want to face, and since Anakin seemingly does everything he can to disappear. ✦ Star Birth by thatsakitkat, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, a/b/o, dark themes, 7k wip    "Am I going to die, Master?” Anakin asks. Obi-Wan looks at him sharply. “No. You will not die, Anakin.” “I’m burning,” Anakin says. He blinks slowly and strains to concentrate. “You set me on fire.” ✦ Tumblr Prompt Drabbles by Adelphrexia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, various themes, ~1k wip (sort of)    A collection of Obikin drabble requests originally posted on my Tumblr. Mostly smut, any warnings will be posted on the chapter they apply to. ✦ The Team by writegowrite, obi-wan/anakin, human au, mafia au, ~1k    Behind a warehouse long abandoned by everything but rats, beneath a blue sky smudged brown by pollution, a pristine black Mercedes sat idling like a wraith. ✦ Almost Lost by aphorisnt, obi-wan/anakin & kix, 3k    Anakin gets injured and Obi-Wan does not handle it well. ✦ i didn’t want this thing called living by dorenamryn, obi-wan/anakin, 4.8k wip (sort of)    Alternatively: Obi-wan’s heart is forever shattered, and Anakin always burns. (A collection of ficlets cataloguing the tragedy of two lives both before and after the fall that was never supposed to happen.) ✦ Tumblr Prompts by Darlings (FromDreamstoEmpires), obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 6.6k (each chapter is separate)    A collection of prompts that I’ve filled on Tumblr. ✦ WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE by anecdotalist, obi-wan/anakin & cast, 13k wip    War has broken out between the Republic and the Separatists. But that is of no concern to Ben, one of the best bounty hunters in the galaxy. All he’s focused on is his next target…until he’s invited to a tournament of hunters on Serenno. There, he meets a young Jedi Knight—the Hero With No Fear, Anakin Skywalker—who’s disguised as bounty hunter Rako Hardeen. ✦ My Anakin by DonkerRood, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, bondage, some d/s, 1.1k    Obi-Wan is back from a mission and realizes Anakin always gets what he wants. ORIGINAL TRILOGY RECS: ✦ Master and Padawan by Katharos, obi-wan & luke & cast, 15.5k wip    What if Luke was raised by Obi-Wan as his Padawan? ✦ Ritual by ambiguously, bail & breha & leia & luke & han, ~1k    Two funerals Leia attended. ✦ Ben Whitesun by Perspicacia, obi-wan/beru & cast, 6k    When Obi-Wan brought Luke to the Lars’ farm, he found only a struggling grieving widow and not the young, happy couple he hoped. This is how Ben Kenobi became a moisture farmer instead of a hermit… ✦ Carmine by AceQueenKing, anakin & leia, 2.7k    The Princess stirs, waking; her eyes catch him at her door and her face darkens, ready for a fight. ✦ Useful by igrockspock, leia & luke & han, 1.4k    To earn her place on the Falcon, Leia has to be useful, so she tries to learn everything she can. ✦ Paper Trails; A Triptych of Leia Organa by glorious_clio, leia & cast, 7.9k    By the time she was 19, Leia has three defined roles that she slots in and out of, some are more obvious to outsiders than others. But Leia Organa is also more than the sum of her parts. ✦ Entail by Domenika Marzione (domarzione), leia & luke & ahsoka & cast, 2.4k    Families of all sorts come with obligations. And baggage. ✦ The Trick is to Keep Breathing by AceQueenKing, anakin & leia, 3.3k    She’s older now, and so is he. Far older now. She wonders: will he have lost any power with his age? Will he be shorter, weaker? An old man on a ventilator? It’s hard to imagine that he won’t still be dangerous. But then, that’s exactly what she’s counting on. ✦ Minor Counterintelligence Operations by igrockspock, han/leia & ben, 2.5k    Ben Solo knows three things: he loves his parents, they are weird, and they have a lot of secrets. He intends to find them out. CROSSING THE GENERATIONS: ✦ GrandMasters & GrandPadawans by ShadeCrawler, ezra & mace, background time travel, 2.2k    AKA. Where Ezra Bridger and Mace Windu have a discussion over juice. ✦ Round Two by ambiguously, ahsoka/sabine & cast, time travel, 1.4k    Sabine and Ahsoka get stranded in the past together. ✦ How to Kill a Ghost by saiditallbefore, kylo & yoda, 1.6k    “Fuck. I’m being followed by a dead Jedi.” “Jedi master, I was,” he says, tapping Kylo with his cane again. ✦ Spectre by Magical_Destiny, anakin & kylo, 2.2k    In the aftermath of Crait, Kylo Ren finally meets his grandfather. ✦ another city (better than this one) by notbecauseofvictories, lando & ben solo, 5.8k    The kid is sitting cross-legged on a drum of tibanna gas, picking at a hole in his leggings despite the bulky stun-cuffs binding his wrists together. He keeps darting black looks at the patrolmen flanking him on either side, and scowling. REBELS RECS: ✦ Mating Rituals by Velvedere, zeb/kallus & sabine & cast, 4.7k    Zeb has been acting weird lately. Kallus vents to Sabine about it. ✦ Seven by ambiguously, kanan & jacen, time travel (sort of), 3.8k    Kanan asks the wolves a question. The wolves bring him someone with a different question. ✦ The Care and Keeping of Ex-Imperials Who Need Coffee, a Nap, and a Hug in That Order by akaparalian, kallus & phoenix crew (& some zeb/kallus), 8.8k    Five Ghost crew members who helped Alexsandr Kallus, and one who he helped in return. ✦ When we have peace by apocrypha73, zeb/kallus, 2.9k    After the Battle of Endor, Kallus and Zeb enjoy the celebration. ✦ The First Day of the Rest of Your Life by ambiguously, kanan/hera & ocs, 6.7k    Kanan and Hera, from point A to point B, and all the places between. ✦ Without, Inferno | Within, Peace by auraelys, kanan/hera & sabine & ezra & depa, ~1k    In that moment, Kanan knows the choice he has to make, no matter how much it hurts. ✦ In the Middle of the Night by bar2d2s, hera & kallus (background kanan/hera & zeb/kallus), 1.8k    When one member of your self-made family is pregnant, you’re all pregnant. ✦ A Moment to Breathe by Mirror and Image, kanan & kallus & hera & ezra & sabine & zeb & cast, 8.9k    Everyone struggles to come to terms with the Season 3 finale - Kallus most of all - and in their grief and defeat one blind man gives them a moment to breathe. ✦ And a Million Years Gone By by ambiguously, hera & jacen, 5.7k    Hera worries about Jacen a lot. ✦ Morning Light by SweetSinger2010, kanan/hera & sabine & ezra & zeb & cast, 8k    He’d long since figured out he was in bacta. He was able to orient himself to the sound of voices in the room, sometimes. When it was Hera speaking, always. And he could sense that little flicker of light and life she carried with her–their child. AU. full details + recs under the cut! 

PREQUELS RECS: ✦ untitled Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan fic by stonefreeak, anakin & ahsoka (& obi-wan) & cast, 1.8k    Anakin sits on the floor in his room, back against the bed and face buried in his knees. He didn’t bother to turn the lights on when he came back, the darkness too soothing, too comfortable to disrupt.    Note: This fic is part of a larger series that should probably be read in order by this point. This rec will contain some spoilers for earlier chapters at the very least. This is a gorgeous look at Anakin’s character after Obi-Wan has been injured, how deeply he feels things and how much of an absolute mess he is when he descends into a panic attack about it. There’s something so painful about it and makes me care all the more about Anakin’s suffering, how badly he handles things, and how he slips and slides around when trying to understand what people are saying to him, what they mean–when he has a choice in front of him, it’s so easy to be suspicious of the Jedi, because Anakin just doesn’t know how to trust, but when this universe gives them a chance to better communicate, when it gives them all the breathing room to have addressed some of these things, when it takes Palpatine’s influence to a better distance, we get to see just how they would handle it. And that’s what I love, why this fic is so beautifully characterized and really gets this universe, because it doesn’t magically make everything better, things still hurt, characters are still a mess, things aren’t easy, but it shows that their internal problems were surmountable, it was the external ones that really fucked them over. It’s gorgeous for illustrating that in such a comprelling, heart-wrenching way (oh, Anakin, I can’t read this and not want to wrap him up in the biggest hug ever, the panic attack he has is so beautifully done that it physically hurts me), but also being just so warm and good. Another of my favorite pieces for this story! ✦ untitled Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan fic by stonefreeak part one + part two, padme & cast, 2.6k    The Senate has a crisis meeting to react to the bombing of the Senate Office Building. Dun dun dunnnnnn…    Note: This fic is part of a larger series that should probably be read in order by this point. This rec will contain some spoilers for earlier chapters at the very least. Putting these two together, since they’re part of the same piece of the story and, oh, I really loved these as well, it’s another gorgeous illustration of the state of the galaxy as it was in canon, but with enough breathing room (and Palpatine’s influence at just enough of a distance) to allow characters better clarity and to change things just enough. It’s a great fic for Padme as a Senator, the little details of how she’s given the breathing room to put things together, the better space from which to observe just how corrupt and selfish the Senate really is, all of it is so satisfying as a way to show that internal problems were overcomable when the external problems are at just enough of a distance to let the characters breathe a little. But also seriously it’s a great Padme fic at the same time and it was such a treasure to read! Her horror at what was happening around her, her disbelief and shock at just how selfish people could be, was really impactful on a visceral level, I felt it with her. ✦ Suffer Not the Children by ambiguously, katooni & cast, 2k    “The Temple has fallen. We must go now.”    Oh, my god, this fic was heartbreaking but so gorgeously written and did a stunning job of driving home just how much Order 66 hurt and was mind-numbingly awful. The sheer amount of loss and danger these children face, that it’s just 2k of the worst day of their lives, but it left me feeling exhausted afterwards because it’s so beautifully told and shows what these kids face just because they were Jedi. Sometimes it can get to be a little OTT, what Order 66 meant, but here it’s told exactly how the author means it to come across and it’s horrifying for it, even as I became so invested in these kids and the sheer soul-hurting pain of what they had to suffer through and what they have to face next. Just the sheer amount of loss, isolation, uncertainty, and yet the bravery and innate goodness of these children. Oh, my heart. ✦ we were born for better days by FireflysLove, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka, 3.6k wip    Obi-Wan attempts to save Vader from the Dark Side, but the Rebellion, especially Bail Organa and Ahsoka Tano, are not going to believe that after a decade of terrorizing the galaxy, Anakin Skywalker can possibly be saved.    I’m a sucker for canon-divergent fics where Obi-Wan and Vader meet earlier and this one really got its hooks in me with the second chapter, where their confrontation happens in a way I didn’t expect. I love Anakin having to face up to the enormous truth, there’s something so satisfying about it, even as it breaks my heart for him (and for Obi-Wan and for Ahsoka and for Padme) all over again, so I’m hoping that the next chapter will continue on with that because I am here for it. There’s also some nice stuff between Obi-Wan & Ahsoka in the first chapter as well! I’m definitely ready to see where this one goes! ✦ Free Agent by countessofbiscuit, ahsoka & boba & cast (& background rex/ahsoka), 9.5k    In which Ahsoka falls in with more misguided youth, drinks to forget (it doesn’t work), and wastes no time broadening her career horizons with her boyfriend’s delinquent kid brother.    This was a fun, irreverent caper fic that was half about Ahsoka trying to figure out how to not be such a mess (not that she’s too much of a mess, just that she has some things to figure out and isn’t in a great place) while interacting with Boba, on a mission to go rescue someone they’re getting paid for. I wouldn’t say it’s light-hearted, but it is sarcastic and impudent in tone, it’s messy in all the ways it’s meant to be, and a fun romp to read! ✦ Don’t Go Gently Into This Darkness by ThatDamnKennedyKid, obi-wan & anakin & ahsoka & cody & rex & cast, 5.6k wip    When Cody awoke, his General was sitting next to his bed, body still and stare distant. He was thinking, planning, readying. It was a look generally reserved for when Skywalker or Tano were going to need defending in the Council. Insofar as he could recall, they’d been good. That meant a disaster was coming down the line, and when Kenobi got to it, it would not be pretty for whoever was on the other side.    This is a fic that’s definitely a WIP, not much has happened yet, but if you’re like me you’re absolutely here for Obi-Wan getting a heads up and starting to plan and that means people are going to be fucked, because Obi-Wan is actually pretty great when he has enough information to put the pieces together and formulate something, and it’s going to be super satisfying to read. It’s just the start of it for now, but there’s lots of fun little scenes, the ones with Obi-Wan & Anakin are a highlight, but also just the Jedi finding out about the chips in the clones’ heads and getting a chance to do something about it! HELL YEAH. ✦ Captain and Commander by Elfpen, ahsoka & rex & cast, 3.2k    A look into the special camaraderie shared by Captain Rex and Ahsoka Tano, arcing from the issuance of Order 66 to past the end of Rebels. A story told in three parts. Rated for death and violence.    A gorgeous look at Ahsoka and Rex during Order 66, based on what we know of what was planned for those moments. It’s good for both characters, it’s aching for what they’ve both been through and what they’re going to suffer in the future, like I have so many feelings about both of them separately here, but it’s also a great look at their friendship, too. It’s a heartachingly beautiful piece to read and really shows how much they both meant. ✦ Caught in the Tide by brinnanza, obi-wan & anakin, ~1k    He takes one look at the boy, his pale skin, the dark bags under his red-rimmed eyes, and breathes a soft sigh. “Oh, Anakin,” he says gently and steps aside to let his former padawan into the room.    A short but really solid piece that shows what a mess Anakin Skywalker is, but also how deeply Obi-Wan cares about him, how it balances Obi-Wan’s reactions (his own losses, how he’s truly lost people, while Anakin can still see those he cares about, the urge to be angry, one that he acknowledges and then lets go, the way that allows him to remain so balanced, so steady, while still being so human) with his being a Jedi, there’s just such a solidity to his character, a warmth to the iron foundations he has, and such deep care. That even when he’s out of his depth, you get why Anakin leans on him so much. I picked it up for the Obi-Wan & Anakin interaction (which is the highlight of it) but got some solid Obi-Wan characterization out of it as well. ✦ O Captain! by naberiie, rex, 1.5k    Rex is the last of Torrent Company. The ghosts of his brothers - their words - haunt him still.    This is a heartbreaking Rex piece, who has no idea just how brave he is to have lived through everything he has. It’s non-stop pain, but that’s pretty true to Star Wars in general and just gave me so many Rex feelings, because, wow, when you step back, that guy has Been Through Some Shit. A lovely piece for a character that deserved better! ✦ I Found You pt2 by KeeperofSeeds, obi-wan & shmi & cast, ~1k    She looks up and meets the eyes of Qui Gon Jinn. Her son’s grand Master.    You should probably read the rest of the series before this one, it won’t make much sense without it, and while this fic series doesn’t entirely work with canon, it’s one that’s really dear to me because Shmi and Obi-Wan and someday Anakin will get here and this is a really short piece, but IT HAS HUGS. I am always a sucker for more hugs! ✦ we found us a home by shiningjedi, shaak & adi & yaddle, 1k wip    Scenes showcasing the bonds of friendship and family between the Jedi of the Clone Wars and Prequel eras.    A series of short but lovely, warm (and sometimes bittersweet, as it’s set during the backdrop of the Clone Wars) interactions between various Jedi that aren’t always showcased front and center. I loved the kindness and care shown in these pieces, it fits so well with them, and I love the way each of them feels natural, like these characters would of course have these relationships, that Adi would comfort Shaak when she needs it, that Shaak would seek out Yaddle to connect with her, and I love that these two chapters happened to focus on women, but mostly just I LOVE THESE CHARACTERS AHHH. ✦ In Time by Ripki, obi-wan & anakin, time travel, 18.8k wip    As the Clone Wars drags on and the secrets between them grow, Anakin and Obi-Wan have begun to drift apart. When a mysterious holocron sends them through time, they don’t only have to confront their past and future – but the present as well. (Or the Force, frustrated and tired with all their bullshit, sends the Team to an unconventional couple’s therapy.)    Chapters 7-8: I’ve done a more generalized rec for this fic here, which I link because I really want people to read this fic with me, as well as because this will be an update rec and focus on the current chapters, rather than the fic as a whole. These two chapters continue what the fic is showing us (and doing a really great job of not just telling us, but instead really showing the reader and the characters) the things that they don’t really understand about the other person, especially Anakin seeing just how much Obi-Wan has been through, as that’s always something he’s had trouble understanding. It’s this really great combination of time-travel, protectiveness between the characters for the other, seeing things with fresh eyes, character whump, and to really illustrate how much these two care about each other, through their complicated, difficult relationship.    In chapter 7, Anakin sees what Obi-Wan went through on Zigoola from Wild Space, then in chapter 8 dropped them back into the same place again for awhile, as Obi-Wan is having much more difficulty with this whole time travel thing, which feeds my desire for whump AND comfort fic AND the further sense of building up of Anakin getting that Obi-Wan has Been Through Some Shit, which hasn’t hit the payoff yet, but is clearly building towards understanding that his Master hasn’t had an easy life (and this is why I don’t mind the borrowing from the Legends stuff that can’t work with canon, because it’s used really well here! delicious, delicious physical and emotional whump! in such kind-hearted ways towards the characters!) and yet has still managed to make peace with it. I’m eagerly rubbing my hands together with each chapter that comes out because it’s so satisfying on an iddy level, but also satisfying for something that’s legitimately being built up in a way that does the heavy lifting of getting Anakin to understand, that it shows how deeply entwined these characters are in each others’ lives, and really shows the epic span of these characters’ lives. It also hits a good place between being shippy and being gen, that you can read more into it or you can read it on a purely platonic or familial level, that it’s the relationship between these two that’s important (and gives me so many feelingsevery time they worry about each other or run into a piece of the other’s past, how clear it is that they love each other so much) no matter what form it takes. I love this fic a lot and look forward to every chapter! ✦ Y'AIN’T SHIT, WITCH by subtropicalStenella, wolffe & kit & asajj & cast, 1.1k    The Clone Wars: Asajj/Wolffe/Kit Fisto, the fight which costs the Commander his eye. An Explicit Trash Talking No Holds Barred Brawl.    This was a really fun, delightful piece about the clones’ reactions to some footage of a fight between Asajj and some of the brothers, that there’s this great sense of joking around and how of course they have reactions to the crazy shit they see constantly via Force users (and aren’t necessarily immune to it themselves!), just really FUN, hilarious reactions to the wildness of the stuff you see on just another regular day in the GFFA. ✦ Under a purple sun… by Perspicacia, obi-wan & ahsoka, ~1k    Ahsoka hadn’t been happy when Skyguy had left her with Master Kenobi for this mission, but it was still good to spend time with her Grand Master.    I really loved this piece, because Obi-Wan & Ahsoka scenes are always lovely, especially when the fic really does great at showing Ahsoka’s youth and restlessness (that is perfectly normal for her age, something she will grow out of as she ages) against Obi-Wan feeling much more settled, that he teaches her by being both teasing and warm, that there’s little touches of what a Jedi apprentice’s life is like, and it just really, really sparkles. I love the poetry elective, the way Ahsoka doesn’t really get it, until Obi-Wan illustrates something for her, like way to get a straight shot to my teacher!Obi-Wan feelings AND my worldbuilding feelings! ✦ Queen Under the Ocean by BloodyMary, padme, ~1k    Once upon a time, the people of Naboo had elected a queen. She had fought for her people, and she would not be forgotten. People like her did not die–they lived on in stories long after those who knew them had died.    One of the things I always want more of is Padme’s story as Padme’s story, that I want more of her connection to Naboo and how her people saw her. You mix that with a beautiful sense of myth or fairy tale, some lovely imagery, and the sadness of her death touched on just the right amount, and you have a gorgeous piece for her character. ✦ To tell you the truth, I’m relieved by Petra, obi-wan & anakin & death, discworld crossover, ~1k    When you die, you have to walk a desert. Obi-Wan and Anakin are dead, and they’ve been to deserts before.    I would definitely have read at least another 10k of this, of Obi-Wan being settled and focused, while Anakin is just a mess of all the shit he needs to work through (because he never did in life, and because he’s a Forever Mess, that’s just who he is), while the two of them walked across a desert as a way to untangle the knots of their lives and relationship. This is a brief glance at that, as they have a conversation with Death, as Obi-Wan is as good with words as ever, making it a lovely little read that I enjoyed a lot! ✦ Rumour Has It by Ripki, obi-wan & anakin/padme & ahsoka & cast, 5.2k    Rumour has it that the distinguished Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi is seeking a new apprentice after successfully training the Chosen One into Knighthood. The whole Temple seems to be in a flutter of excitement; Anakin, less so. He sets himself the task of reviewing every single one of the hopeful Initiates. After all, it is not just anyone, who can survive being Obi-Wan’s Padawan.    Oh, I loved this fic so very much, it’s so much fun and sharp and hilarious, all the things a premise like this should be, but it’s also warm and heartfelt and really kind of sweet in a “Anakin why are you like this” kind of way, which is exactly what I want. I love that Anakin is such a dweeb when it comes to Obi-Wan, that he’s torn between how Obi-Wan is the best ever and deserves the best Padawan again versus how there’s that underlying sense of how he’s absolutely not ready to let Obi-Wan’s attention move on from him. So he goes about it in the most Anakin way ever, by obsessing over it and kind of terrorizing the poor younglings, while everyone else around him is exasperated. It’s a fic that clearly loves all these characters, that makes me love Anakin Skywalker even more than I did before (because he’s a relatable kind of disaster, not over the top about it, just that he’s not exactly put together) and it has so many great details and a fun sense of timing and then finishes it all off with Obi-Wan finally making Anakin actually talk to him, so I got my Obi-Wan&Anakin feelings in there as well. Honestly, I smile just thinking about this one all over again! ✦ Fire by EwanMcGregorIsMyHomeboy12, obi-wan/satine, NSFW, 1.7k    Between the incident with Tal Merrick on the Coronet and the long ride back to Coruscant, there are plenty of things that a certain Jedi Master and Duchess can get into…    This was a lovely Obitine piece, which is mostly pwp, but in the way I like, that it’s a moment of dramatic intimacy, that it captures their voices and their relationship well, and it’s some satisfying kissing and sex! I really enjoyed the sense of history there between them, that there’s such a connection, while also that they’re not entirely entwined in each others’ lives, that they’re separate, even as they care deeply and share something special, because that’s exactly how I see them in canon, too. A very satisfying piece for a pairing I’m slowly starting to read more for! ✦ Help Me by FireflyFish, obi-wan & anakin, 2.5k    All seemed lost, light, love, and hope. And then Anakin cried out for help…    Oh, this fic gave me all the feelings, that it’s a canon divergence from the fight on Mustafar, where it almost goes like it did in canon, except here Anakin cried out for help and that changed everything. It’s just a few moments in this scene, it’s about this specific moment in time, but it does a beautiful job of showing how it completely changed the tracks of the future, this one tiny thing Anakin could do to change it all, because Obi-Wan could never resist Anakin asking him for help. And it’s gorgeously done in how it doesn’t sweep aside the weight of Anakin’s actions, the betrayal he committed, but it still shows that Obi-Wan loves him even through that, that it may take time, it won’t be easy, but of course he will eventually forgive Anakin in time. It’s a painful read, but in the exact, lovely way it’s supposed to be. ✦ A Good Time by daily_nightly, obi-wan & anakin, 1.4k    A story about a padawan who always gets in trouble and needs his master to rescue him. Typical Anakin Skywalker and Obi-wan Kenobi.    This was a cute little piece about Anakin getting himself captured and needing his Master to rescue him, who of course accomplishes this through the most flirtatious way possible and it’s just solidly fun and a great bite-sized fic to read when you want one! ✦ Hondo Kenobi by StarWarsSyl, obi-wan & hondo & cast, 2.6k    It’s not every day the pirate Hondo calls Obi-Wan in to give him a baby.    This was a cute piece where the highlight of it was JEDI WORLDBUILDING YAY, in which Obi-Wan is given a baby and delivers it to the Temple, trying to find the right place for it, the Force telling him each place wasn’t quite right. I liked the blend of the Force and more mundane ways of organizing things, the clan mothers that Obi-Wan meets along the way, the brief glimpses we get into how warm and adorable Jedi younglings are, it fit really well with what we’ve seen in canon and I’m always here for well done Jedi worldbuilding! ✦ Recovery by Perspicacia, obi-wan & ahsoka & cast, 1.8k    Ahsoka came back alive from her fight with Vader but not exactly in good shape. Bail Organa promptly sent her for some recovery time with one of his most mysterious contacts in the Outer Rim.    I’m very much a sucker for Obi-Wan & Ahsoka interaction in fic and I really liked Ahsoka having a chance to see Obi-Wan again after all that happened in the Jedi Purge, there’s something hopeful in amongst all the hurt that’s been piled onto them, which is what I was hoping for when I picked this one up. It’s a nice look at Ahsoka’s character, a nice look at their relationship, and the hints of how she might be introduced to Qui-Gon and maybe learn a few things, a potential way to pave a future path for her, also delighted me. ✦ Oft Falling by kylohen, obi-wan/padme, NSFW, 10.5k    Every few months, whenever he can, Obi-Wan sends flowers to the Coruscant apartments of Senator Padmé Amidala. There’s a reason for this that he can never explain, except to her. If anyone else knew, it would ruin him.    There’s something really lush and gorgeous about the writing of this piece, which is the real highlight of it. Obi-Wan isn’t really his sharp, focused canon self here (I’m chalking it up to this being set pre-AOTC, but even then I think he’s less focused than he should be) but the descriptions of Naboo, the way the writing gently touches on his connection to the Force and the sort of mystical feel he has as a character, as a psychic space wizard monk, is really lovely. The entire fic felt like a painting come to life in so many ways, that it doesn’t overdo the descriptions, but it’s also very much about those details, the clothes they wear and feel in their hands and the rain on their skin and the buildings they walk past and the food they eat, all of it contributes towards this really intimate, immediate feeling, that they’re the only two people in the world, connected as they are through these things they share. The writing is beautiful and the brief moments of sex, the physical attraction and the way Padme is described as he sees her in the garden in an intimate moment, are all also beautiful and really hot. I don’t often go for this pairing, but there’s something really entrancing about the way this was written, almost like a dream, and I really enjoyed it for that! ✦ To lay your heart and head upon by ambiguously, ahsoka/barriss, 1.5k    Ahsoka is on a mission when she runs into an old friend.    Oh, this was a lovely piece about Ahsoka and Barriss meeting again, just this one moment of the intersection of their lives and we can only guess where they go from here, but it’s that feeling of hope in the darkness again, that they’ve both suffered so much, and that, oh, my beautiful Ahsoka, she may not be a Jedi, but she certainly has the heart of one and it’s beautifully done here. OBI-WAN/ANAKIN RECS: ✦ Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, sith!obi-wan (sort of), d/s, 84.1k wip    During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone.    Chapter 17: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. Also, by this point there will be spoilers for the entire fic and likely this chapter as well! I have feelings and I need to talk about them! So, this is another chapter that sort of scrambled my thoughts because there’s so many little details I loved and for the ridiculously satisfying sex that happens and the big plot stuff that comes up, I hardly know where to begin! At the beginning, I suppose, which is a brief scene between Veris and Isten (after Anakin destroyed the datapads in a fit of pique), where it’s this quiet moment between them, where we get to see Isten’s jealousy, the brattiness that’s somehow so charming, one of those moments where it’s a little bit childish, but in a way that shows his vulnerability, so that I can see how much of Anakin Skywalker is still woven into the foundations of this character, but also how he’s different, like it’s not quite Anakin, but it’s definitely an Anakin, which just makes me fall in love with him all over again. When he’s rattled, he gets petulant, when he thinks he has to share Veris’ attention even for a moment, he gets sullen, when he’s uneasy about just how powerful the real Anakin is, even more than both him and Veris (which I love, by the way, because, yesss, nobody is ever as powerful as Anakin Skywalker), it’s so very easy to see Anakin’s face saying those things, to picture a version of Anakin being upset by these very things, and makes the contrast (or, well, frankly, comparison) against actual Anakin all the more intriguing for it, because they’re not that different in a lot of important ways–and that’s what this whole chapter is about, how much they both need reassurance and attention focused on them. And having that brief moment with Isten, as much as I enjoy it just for being charming, leads into what’s going on with Obi-Wan and Anakin as well.    We go from Isten and Veris curled up together to Anakin and Obi-Wan spending time in a little clearing, just laying together and talking (in conversations that aren’t terribly different to each other–but both are also adorable, Obi-Wan and Anakin’s banter is both sharp and adorable! I love the snappiness of the conversation about the bike, but that it’s also used to show that, yes, Obi-Wan does pay attention to him) in a quiet moment that’s just for them. For all that there’s a plot going on with this story, it’s also very much structured to be an intimate drama story, they’re isolated on this planet, it’s just them and themselves (of a sort), so these quiet moments between the characters are the journey, they’re what make the story worth reading. Also, they’re just really, really charming as all get out, as they go from sweet and teasing and content to the way they touch hands, that I can feel the shift in the air, as Obi-Wan gently touches his hands, contrasted against the memory of how brutal they can be in war. And the way the entire scene is sweet and kind and comforting, even while the building sex takes on some slightly rough edges (in ways that they both aim for) is perfect to what has been built between these characters–that’s the other appeal of the fic and I find that every time they come together physically, it really highlights how this relationship has been built in this fic, that they’ve spent time together, they’ve overcome obstacles together, that they keep revealing new pieces of themselves that the situation has brought up, that this sex scene couldn’t have taken place in a previous chapter, it couldn’t have been their first time, because it shows how much trust has been built, how much Anakin has been able to show the darker parts of himself and what he wants.    And, oh, the sex was beautiful, because it was the kind that pleased my id (I had no idea the spanking moments were coming, only that it would have some bondage, so that kind of sent me into happy orbit maybe kind of a lot) but also because this fic does such a gorgeous job of balancing the physical with the emotional. Yes, it’s super hot that Anakin kneels in the grass and has his hands bound behind his back and is bent over, taking whatever Obi-Wan will give him, but it’s also about how Anakin feels about this, how it’s very clear to both of them that this is what he wants every step of the way, that there’s something freeing for him in being able to give this trust to someone else, that he can get out of it any time he wants, but there’s a freedom in letting it go. There’s peace for Anakin here, someone who so very desperately needs it. And the fic doesn’t just immediately have him sink into submission, because that’s not who Anakin is, he has to work at it–the moments of Obi-Wan standing over him and watching him, noting the way Anakin’s gaze keeps flickering back up to him, the way he’s still very much Anakin working through something, that goes hand in hand with how wary Obi-Wan is about all of this, because he doesn’t want to hurt Anakin. That it shows Anakin wants this, rather than that it’s something alien stealing over him! Just let me lay here and breathe that in for awhile, as it’s beautifully perfect for both of them, because it shows how these characters would move towards this kind of dynamic, how they would have to work to get there, how thesecharacters would express their wariness and consent and desire about putting Anakin in this position. But every little happy sigh Anakin gives when Obi-Wan puts a hand in his hair or the way they can feel the rise and roil of Anakin’s lust when Obi-Wan binds his hands behind his back and how Anakin keeps asking for more and more, all of that shows that this is what he very much wants.    That doesn’t make it perfect, he’s still anxious, he still slams the bond shut when sending over a secret desire, still feels like he might be judged for what how helpless he is–and the fic is beautifully clear (without having to say it, you just feel it in every moment, every word they both say or think) that it’s Anakin’s own fears that he’s working through here, his own demons that he’s struggling to let go of, that it’s not about whether or not he has been rejected by Obi-Wan before, but that he still fears it, even now. Because that’s something that will stay with him for a long time and I love that it’s woven into this scene as well, not in a way that feels like a retread of what’s already happened, but that it’s something to be slowly chipped away at, which is exactly how that kind of thing works. That each time they come together like this, Anakin lets go of a sliver more of it, that Obi-Wan makes him be patient, that turning more of himself over to Obi-Wan lets the rest of the world fade into the background, there’s just this moment in his head, and it’s almost blissful for me to read how settled he is right here. Which is all the more satisfying for how it’s not a smooth, straight line–Anakin comes and goes with that peace. He starts to sink into that haze, to trust everything of himself to Obi-Wan, but then has a moment of being too worried or too honest about how he’s coming across, pulled back into that sharp anxiety, until Obi-Wan accepts him and continues to adore him. So when Anakin’s secret, hidden desire almost surfaces, he tries to hide it, but Obi-Wan sharply tells him to say it, and it’s that he wants to be punished, wants to have his Master’s attention on him and his disobedience forgiven by having it spanked out of him? Oh, shit, that was hot and got me right in the feelings place.    All of the sex was like that, having Anakin in this position was satisfying on a physical level, but when Obi-Wan says to tell him what he’s done to deserve this, it’s this moment of Anakin’s scrambled thoughts just pouring out all that stuff that he feels so guilty about, that he doesn’t listen, that he’s selfish and arrogant, that he doesn’t deserve Obi-Wan, all these things that haunt him even when he tries to deny that they exist. This moment is purging them out of Anakin, this moment is Obi-Wan truly seeing Anakin and accepting him, desiring him, and moving in sync with him, his hand coming sharply down on Anakin again and again, no judgement, just acknowlegement and a desire rising between them. That, yes, this is a lot about Anakin’s issues (because he’s the one that has so many of them) but that Obi-Wan isn’t just a passive presence here, he worries about how this will affect Anakin, he wants to put down these boundaries and structure and punishment/absolution for Anakin, he hungers for this beautiful man who is bent over and turned up against Obi-Wan’s hand, who has shown him this vulnerability and is the most precious person Obi-Wan has ever known. I almost didn’t even need the rest of the sex (that’s a lie, I absolutely did need it!), because the emotional buildup was so delicious, but when Obi-Wan finally pushes into him, how much Obi-Wan was possessive of this man who had given himself in such a vulnerable way (because one of the hills I will die on is that Obi-Wan’s Type is about those who are vulnerable underneath their bluster, the kind that he wants to help protect, to give them what would help them and make them feel safe and happy), it’s so good. It’s been built up over the last 80k, it’s been stoked from hidden embers into a fire, how much Obi-Wan has him, that Anakin is his, just as much as Anakin wants Obi-Wan in return. It’s not jumped into immediately, it took time to get there, but when Obi-Wan is finally buried into that pretty heat of Anakin’s and thinks how much his boy is his? This fic earned it.    And I’m still only just past the halfway mark on the chapter! (I know, I know, but NSFW chapters of this fic really bring out the verbosity in me and I like to run with that.) Because there’s a lovely, sweet scene afterwards, such care from Obi-Wan, who wants to make sure that Anakin is all right, because there’s not precisely guilt here but always a wariness (a deserved one, given that this is Anakin) and a recognition that, while Anakin is balanced in this moment (that he’s been able to acknowledge and let go of so much that he held inside! of course it would come via Obi-Wan giving him these boundaries and structure) it won’t last, it never does with him, but that makes it no less wonderful in this moment or no less absolutely amazing that they’ve gotten here in the first place. And I love that, I love that it took 80k of them being stranded in the middle of nowhere, their Sith versions (of a sort) there to stir up things they normally wouldn’t have time to look at, no war to pull them away from dealing with these things, and this is where they get. This is what I love about them–their problems are both internal and external, but I firmly believe that it was the external problems that kept them from dealing with the internal ones, so seeing a novel-length fic about getting them to where they have the space to deal with the internal ones and they do? Yes, no wonder I’ve practically written half a novel in response to the fic. (There’s a moment in the next scene, where Anakin thinks, Nothing ever changes here. The same forest. Same weather. Same stars. and I side-eye it as part of whatever Ugly is doing to this place, but it also fits with how I have seen this fic from the beginning–it’s a place almost out of time, which allows for all those external problems to fade into the background and thus let them focus on the internal problems that they are capable of clearing away. That the two–like so very many things in this fic do–go hand in hand together!)    There’s still more, of course, and the chapter ends on a killer cliffhanger (ONLY ONE CHAPTER LEFT HOW AM I GOING TO DEAL WITH THE END OF IT??) and I love the little details of the bigger world intruding with Rex’s call–that Anakin is more settled now that he has more proof of the depth of Obi-Wan’s feelings, that Isten still isn’t happy about being parted from Veris and turns into his embrace to hide from it, that part of Obi-Wan would still like to just be rid of the Sith duo, but he holds himself to better standards because they’ve done nothing to deserve that. That it’s this complicated knot of his own personal morals versus his discomfort with them, made all the worse by how he doesn’t think he could strike down someone with Anakin’s face. Which is truly about Anakin, but also makes me think of Obi-Wan and Isten’s moments together, that even when they’re different versions, there’s still something of Obi-Wan and Anakin in their interactions. The way both duos sleep curled up against each other (which I love purely for iddy reasons in addition to the more narrative reasons) really highlights that, too.    And then the ending. Anakin with his dream (oh, Anakin, of course you fall asleep because you think nothing can get past you and your ridiculous power levels) that’s this beautiful, dark, gothic dream about flowers and the desert and a voice calling for him, and a garden of bones that he can’t quite seem to find to matter. All of which is really creepy, dreamy imagery that works so well for this fic (there really is a rich, lush feeling to the imagery used, the fic is really good at knowing when and how to use it! I love the use of the heavy flowers that I can practically feel the soft yet weighty feel of in my hand, the rich color of them against the black backdrop, it makes for beautiful pictures in my head) and you know exactly what some of those things mean and are left wondering and puzzling over others (in the way you’re supposed to be left wondering) and I lovethat, too. And while I cannot wait for the next chapter (THAT CLIFFHANGER, which comes out of nowhere for Anakin, except it really doesn’t, something has always been waiting, and, oh, it was so creepy to have his dream and the mansion come back up again, the little details, like with the descriptions of the relief on the wall, make it shivery and terrible, that sense of something almost elegant about the darkness that was waiting for him) I’m also really satisfied by this chapter and just very, very much in love with this fic. ✦ all spaces are liminal by Kierkegarden, obi-wan/anakin & sidious, & cast, nsfw, sith!obi-wan, 35.9k    Three years after the fall of the Republic, Obi-Wan Kenobi hasn’t come any closer to making peace with his new life. Three years after the fall of the Republic, Vader wants the gratification of forgiveness. Three years after the fall of the Republic, time doesn’t bend or break or alter. It simply rushes past those who cannot learn to embrace it.    I read this fic in just about two or three sittings because I really could not put it down, it just swept me up in it and carried me along and wouldn’t let me go until I was finished with it! It’s an AU where Vader finds Obi-Wan on Tatooine five years after ROTS and decides he wants to try to make his former Master Fall, but of course it doesn’t go as he plans. And it’s a fic that’s exactly the right length for what it is, that there’s a balance between the intimate drama (where it might as well be just the two of them in the entire galaxy, that nothing else really exists in their little bubble) and the looming events of the bigger plot (Sidious lurking in the background, the Rebellion that they eventually make their way to), so it satisfied both my want for something with plot and my desire to just read about these two characters who are trying so hard to put everything to rest just enough to give them some breathing room. And I love that it never really goes away, that even when Obi-Wan loves Anakin, he cannot forget what’s happened, that there’s no going back, only forwards. That even when they find balance, even when they are intertwined again, those bad things can never be fully banished.    Which is also what makes the thread of Anakin redemption work so well here, that he’s really trying, that it’s also balanced between Anakin still being a mess, wanting redemption only for halfway the right reason (because it’s a lot about Obi-Wan, just as much as it is an internal want), and that it’s not something so easily granted. It’s complicated and can never be wiped away. But also! Anakin Skywalker: Wants An Emperor To Follow, the way he can be so stubborn and aggressive, but it’s layered over this lifelong desperate desire to have someone to follow, to lead the path to taming the galaxy, that he can be guided by, that when you strip away the things Anakin tries to make himself be or the swirling storm of rage that takes over his brain sometimes, what he really wants is his Master back, both because he loves Obi-Wan and because he wants to follow him. It’s threaded underneath the plot of the story, which made it so satisfying for me to read.    And I didn’t realize that, going into this fic, it was going to be Sith!Obi-Wan (apparently I skimmed the tags, so that’s on me XD) but I did really enjoy it here, because the only way I can ever be convinced that Obi-Wan might possibly fall, is if it’s for Anakin, that he would be walking toward something, not breaking from the loss. Because that’s exactly how this fic sees Obi-Wan, that when he’s Anakin’s captive, he’s resolute and iron willed, but when something bad happens to Anakin, that’s when he steps over the line, when that rage and fear are focused on this person that he loves so much. It worked for me, Obi-Wan going from this person who is so good, this person who has unbreakable morals, to this version of a Fallen!Obi-Wan, that it’s probably kinda Soft Sith (which you will pry from my cold, dead hands!) and that works the best.    It also has a lot of things that worked really well within the story–a satisfying confrontation with Sidious about all of this, a fun plot where they join the Rebellion for awhile, a lovely sex scene where Anakin is just starved for Obi-Wan’s touch, no matter how much it hurts his partially burned body, he will take anything to have his Master touch him, no matter the pain, until Obi-Wan turns him over onto his hands and knees and steadily fucks into him that way, that it’s not just the physical part (though, that was very nice, Anakin getting that contact, getting that noise pushed out of his head because he’s filled with other things), but that it was wound together with the emotional beats, that it was used to show that quiet intimate drama between them, to show the state of their relationship, made it all the better.    I really enjoyed this fic, it was one of those that was this lovely experiencereading it, there was something very emotional about it (not over the top dramatic emotional, but an underlying quiet emotional way that was ever-present, that it was a mix of mutual pining, but also mutual “not being sure how to be with this person anymore” and mutual “I love him so much that being parted from him one more time is impossible to live without, I cannot do it again”, all of this without being hammered home with words, but instead shown through their actions, the tension between them, but also the way they stayed near each other, the way they looked at each other, the way they touched each other). It was exactly the kind of read I wanted from this fandom! ✦ Return to the Point of No Return by cthene, obi-wan/anakin, time travel, touch starved, 26.7k    He turns around, his tunic soaked with blood, and holds the gorgon’s head up by its wispy hair. “Anakin, please-” “Don’t beg me, Master,” says the last of the Sith, tenderly reaching to cup Obi Wan’s hot cheek with a gore-stained hand. “Command me.”    I cannot talk about this fic without some vague spoilers, to talk about the bit of a twist the concept of the fic has, so while I think it’s still totally a readable rec to someone who hasn’t read it yet, I do want to warn for that! Okay! There are a couple of caveats to this fic, in that it writes the Jedi as celibate and chaste and "no love allowed at all” in a way that directly contradicts canon, as well as I will never believe that Obi-Wan doesn’t know exactly when he’s flirting and that he was handsome as hell, but if you can roll with those things (and it’s pretty warm-hearted about them!) you’ll get a fic that’s super engaging and fun to read and satisfying. Because this fic just kind of lit up my brain in the way that I wanted to give it a high five, where Anakin comes back and he’s really more Vader than he is Anakin, but Vader is Anakin, and I really felt that in the story, that his issues stem from taking Anakin Skywalker’s issues up to a hundred, then dumping him into touch starvation mode and further dialing up his desperation to have someone to follow, someone to devote himself to, someone to tell him what to do, someone to take care of him, in all his murderous fury and unfair ragings.    The thing that was so great is that it didn’t ignore just how volatile and powerful and dangerous that Vader is here, but it also understood where that volalitly came from, that Anakin Skywalker is a giant walking bottomless pit of need and hunger, that he’ll sacrifice anything, no matter how much he wants to be part of the bigger galactic events, no matter how much he wants to just do what he wants to do, he’ll throw it all away for the touch of the person he loves, for them to fill him up with love. And he finally knows that about himself. Well, half-knows it. Knows it enough to tell Obi-Wan that he needs someone with a stronger hand than what he’s been given so far, someone who will commandhim and love him at the same time. That was so goddamned satisfying. And Obi-Wan reacts to this in a very understandable way, there’s something there that pulls at him, but also he has a bigger galaxy to think of and that informs his choices, that he’s lived his life once and he’ll do again what needs to be done (whatever that might be) but that it’s complicated.    And so when the fic is really ultimately about Anakin being locked away, that the greater theme of this fic (both before that and after) is about how these two characters feel like the only ones left in the world, that the time travel has isolated them from anyone but each other, that even literally they are the only two people they can feel in the Force, that’s just super well done and so satisfying. Anakin being willing to give up even his bigger plans for Obi-Wan to touch him again (because it’s such a marvel, it’s something he can’t believe he’d forgotten about, that perhaps he’d been made to forget, but also that the wayObi-Wan touches him is incredible), to desperately wrap arms and legs around Obi-Wan, not even necessarily wanting sex, just wanting to feel his Master’s touch, wanting to be consumed by feelings, it’s really well balanced with how intense and unbalanced he is, but that there’s something charismatic and magnetic about him, even when he’s really kind of so, so awful.    The whole fic is like this low-key d/s scenario and these characters flinging themselves into co-dependency because they do keep each other grounded and it’s the most important relationship in either of their lives, which makes it super satisfying to ship, because it hits all those iddy places (Anakin recognizing that he’s Anakin again, when he throws fits that are this close to being tantrums, when the power level he has is genuinely terrifying, when he wants so badly for Obi-Wan to just hold him down and be his Master again, even has he fights against it, so much conflict wrapped up in that stellar, brilliant idiot) but also plays on traits that Anakin has, that explores his character really well. Anakin was the highlight of this fic for me, it just got me right back into everything I felt about this idiot who has more power and anger than he knows what to do with, but also a praise kink and undercurrent of a sub kink a mile wide, it got me right in the feelings place every time he would wrap arms and legs around his Master to try to keep him there, would just settle any time Obi-Wan would grab his hair or kiss him. Yes, make the murder boy happy, okay!! ✦ My Moon After the Tide by LemonTwister, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, some d/s, 38.8k    After being inflicted with a paralytic toxin, Anakin is unable to care for himself until he recovers. Obi-Wan promises to provide his Padawan with everything he needs.    This is another fic that I just could not put down because it hit my iddy wants just so very nicely! I do have a couple of caveats–it veers briefly into “Jedi aren’t allowed feelings” territory (though, it’s very brief and contradicted by how there’s a very thorough point being made about how attachments are dangerous because of exactly what’s happening with them, as well as they show their feelings right from the beginning) and Mace is more antagonistic than he is in canon, but they’re small moments in an otherwise solidly long fic that is exactlywhat it aims to be: A fun story about mutual pining even while they’re together and some goddamned fantastic sex. This is a story that whole-heartedly embraces that sort of nostalgic feeling I have for why I first started reading fic in the first place, that feeling that gets straight at my feelings being ramped up to eleventy over these characters and how much I want them to be together and the embracing of the tropes that keep them apart (that Anakin is his student–though, he’s 19 or 20 here, so he’s very much an adult–that there’s so much internal drama over the emotions, that they have to slog through their misunderstandings of where the other person stands, etc.) and it’s so much fun.    This fic really had a way of keeping me sailing right along, so that it hardly felt like an almost 40k fic, because it did so well with exploring the central roadblocks between Obi-Wan and Anakin getting together, it was one of those that was just easy to slide right into again every time I picked it up because it had such a charm to the writing of it, it was smooth and solid and easy. And it was stuff I loved! Anakin being paralyzed from poison, so he can’t move and needs someone to take care of him! That they both kind of revel in it, even when there are thornier issues that come up because of it, what they both want from it and why they do/don’t hold back. And, oh, the undercurrent of this fic, where Obi-Wan tries so hard to respect Anakin’s agency, because he’s trying to be so very aware of not putting Anakin under his thumb, not just ordering him around, that there’s this tension because Anakin does want his Master to just take him already, to do what he’s going to do, to take firm hold of Anakin and fuck him already. To the point that he gets frustrated and a little angry when Obi-Wan won’t just do it, because Obi-Wan keeps asking him what he wants. And that’s what I’m here for, I’m here for Anakin Skywalker not really knowing how to express that he wants this specific thing, that he wants to be loved and cherished and touched and guided. He wants Obi-Wan to tell him what to do, to put him where Obi-Wan wants him, wants to be filled up with him instead of his own annoying, buzzing thoughts. And it’s never really directly remarked on too much, instead it’s just there, it’s shown through frustration and understated words and satisfaction when Anakin finally gets what he wants.    Because, oh, the sex in this fic is fantastic for me, where the first time Obi-Wan opens Anakin up with his fingers, asking if this is what Anakin did to himself, how many did he usually fit in, while questing inside of Anakin, it was ridiculously smoking hot. Because Anakin got off on being held in place, having his Master’s hand inside him, having those fingers rubbing the right spot and undoing his thoughts and asking him these personal questions while just prying him open, emotionally and physically. He craved that kind of closeness. Or the next time when Obi-Wan pushes his legs back so he’s up in the air and rims the hell out of him, that sense of being held still, having to just take what his Master gives him, because that’s what he’s always wanted, to be taken apart like that! Or when Obi-Wan finally, finally fucks into him, when they’re finally joined in that manner, Anakin is this giant mess of emotions and wants and desires, that this is everything he wanted! I am here for that again and again, because it’s never enough for this needy idiot that I love so much.    So this is one of those fics for when you’re in the mood for something to really please you, something that will walk right up to your id and embrace it, something when you want a fun romp with a ton of charisma! It has some plot to it, it has a really lovely OC Jedi who fits right in with the Jedi of canon, it’s incredibly warm-hearted (and really ultimately nicely kind to nearly everyone!), and is nearly 40k of Obi-Wan and Anakin being ridiculously in love with each other and wading through those feelings in a way they both needed to work through, until they get where they need to be, making the whole fic just one of the most satisfying I’ve read in awhile. I think that’s the feeling I keep walking away with, that made me write like four paragraphs for a rec–I was so satisfiedby this fic, which I cannot thank it enough for. ✦ starbird by imaginarykat, obi-wan/anakin, 8.8k    As far as Anakin’s concerned, Obi-Wan is the picture of a perfect Jedi.    I’m pretty sure I’ve recommended this fic before, but I wanted to do a reread of it because I remember it being one of my favorite portrayals of the Obi-Wan/Anakin dynamic, that it really spoke to me and sung for me, so I wanted to see if it held up. And it very much does, I still think this is one of the best intro-to-Obikin fics I could suggest. There’s a lot of great stuff that’s going on under the surface here, that it’s how these characters work, that Anakin really has no chill, so Obi-Wan tries to chill him out and poke at him in understated ways, how he’s direct in all the right moments and indirect in all the other right moments. There’s a strength and focus to Obi-Wan’s character that is spot on to the canon, there’s such fondness for Anakin in everything he says and does, in that way you feel down to your bones, even if it’s just from a smile or a teasing comment. And what really gets me with Anakin–aside from how there’s this sense of how his anxieties and fears and doubts just cling to him, like a cloak settled over his shoulders–is that he’s absolutely boggled by Obi-Wan’s actions sometimes, despite that they’re perfectly in character for him, that there’s the undercurrent of how Anakin sometimes gets lost in his own perceptions of the galaxy that aren’t quite true. This is why the dinner scene is probably my favorite, the one I always think of first when I think of this fic. That there’s such a great, flirty dynamic between them that fits with how they are in canon, how it could almost be gen for how well it fits, and yet there’s still something more. There’s just a slight change in the undercurrent, the way Anakin thinks about Obi-Wan and looks at him (though, I would argue could fit with the canon), that makes this piece really shine, gives it a sharpness that makes my favorite of the author’s, even over the more famous fic. It’s just gorgeously written and hits my id just right and illustrates why I ship these two so hard and how there’s that solidity to these characters, especially Obi-Wan, that’s so genuinely good. ✦ To Lose My Mind and Find My Soul by Glare, obi-wan/anakin & cast, fairy tale au, 3.2k wip    Anakin Skywalker was born and raised in Jedha, and has not known anything of the world beyond the superstitions of his isolated village. He is not allowed past the boundaries of the village, is not allowed to walk the path through the wood that leads to the world beyond, but sometimes he finds himself slipping away anyways, inexplicably drawn to the forest and the monstrous creature that stalks it.    I love fairy tale themed AUs! And while this one is only the first chapter so far, I’m already delighted by it and would love to see more of it, that it really captures a sense of mysterious woods and a monster who haunts them, a sense of the supernatural with a beautiful backdrop. Honestly, as I was reading it, I couldn’t stop thinking about something like the woods from anime series like Mononoke or Mushishi, something otherworldly living right next to the human world, something old and not quite understood, maybe friendly, maybe dangerous, you can never quite tell. It’s a lovely start and I’m looking forward to more of it! ✦ Eyes Wide Like Cherry Pies by Darlings (FromDreamstoEmpires), FromDreamstoEmpires, obi-wan/anakin & padme & cast, NSFW, modern au, 6.7k wip    Anakin is a typical struggling college student studying art. Obi-Wan is a successful lawyer he meets one night through Padme and Staine. He doesn’t think he’ll ever see him again but neither of them can deny their attraction to each other.    Chapter 2: This is an update rec and will focus on this chapter, rather than the fic as a whole. This is another chapter in this fic that just goes straight for what I want–the start of a sugar baby AU where Anakin is a mess and Ben is charmed by this adorable guy and then flirt some more, there’s some lap-sitting, and then they go home and fuck for a second time, where Ben nicely rims him for awhile and denies him the chance to come (edging Anakin to teach him patience and really help along that shorting out of his anxious thoughts! gimme that for always!) until finally he fucks into Anakin, like they’ve both been wanting. It’s one of those fics that appeals to what I want from it, that sometimes I just want to read some fluff in a modern AU where they can just bang it out until I feel better, and this fic happily does that for me, it just whole-heartedly embraces all the tropes I enjoy (Anakin being greedy and desperate for more, Obi-Wan adoring him but making him wait so that it shorts out his awful thoughts, the mild d/s undercurrents to their interactions, Anakin’s cock being left untouched because he’d come too quickly if it was, Anakin tightening around him as he comes, all things I love) and just satisfies me. This chapter was such a treat for me and it just made me happy and I need all the fic I can get that will make me happy! ✦ Last breath by Arctii, obi-wan/anakin & cast, 7.9k wip    Anakin leaves. Obi-Wan decides, reluctantly, knowing it’s probably not the smartest thing he has done, to try and track him down. That, surprisingly, proves to be a difficult task. Especially since there are so many realisations he doesn’t want to face, and since Anakin seemingly does everything he can to disappear.    I’m often wary of picking up fic like this, where Obi-Wan or Anakin decide to leave the Jedi, because it’s hard to get that right and keep them in character, but I wound up sucked into this one and really enjoyed the five chapters that are here, because it knows exactly what to focus on–that mutual pining that’s delicous and the most fun to read about! Anakin just disappearing without notice, then Obi-Wan just unable to stop thinking about him, and the near misses they have when they almost meet up again, both of them wanting to see the other, Anakin being an absolute mess, while Obi-Wan is reasonably well put together but misses him? Yes, that’s what I’m here for. I’m really enjoying Anakin’s grief and how much of a disaster he is, because of course he is, and the fic definitely knows how to keep me interested even while making me wait for them to finally find each other again. Well, for Obi-Wan to finally pin that little shit down, but same difference! ✦ Star Birth by thatsakitkat, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, a/b/o, dark themes, 7k wip    “Am I going to die, Master?” Anakin asks. Obi-Wan looks at him sharply. “No. You will not die, Anakin.” “I’m burning,” Anakin says. He blinks slowly and strains to concentrate. “You set me on fire.”    You should definitely read the warnings on this fic, it’s a darker look at the characters and the trope of a/b/o in fic, which I find has to be done carefully for my personal tastes, but I read this one and am definitely greatly intrigued by it. One of the things that helped me is that it notes right upfront that the Jedi here aren’t like they are in canon, which allowed that voice in the back of my head to just shut up about how this isn’t how the Jedi actually are and just roll with them being more awful here (though, if you’re sensitive to that like me, heads up that it will likely play more of a role as the fic goes on!) and instead I focused on what the story was actually about. Because it’s a fic about omega!Anakin burning up with his first heat, that it’s actually a legit terrifying thing for someone who has such a strong connection to the Force and so much power and so little control of himself normally, much less when he’s in the middle of a fever this intense. It was this really satisfying dive into Anakin being just out of it, this sense of how worrying that really was, how much he was suffering through this, and how very much Obi-Wan cared about him, how much he felt the pull towards him, how intensely protective of Anakin he was, and how this is really worrying and unsettling and dangerous.    It’s a difficult situation because Anakin can so very, very easily hurt other people around him, but also taking him out of a structured environment can hurt him as well, that Obi-Wan has to try to balance what’s best for Anakin versus what’s best for everyone, that the two don’t always overlap, and that this is not an easy problem with a simple solution. It’s a much harsher world for the a/b/o dynamics, but there’s something really super engaging about the set-up here, the way Obi-Wan and Anakin interact with each other. Part of it is my iddy enjoyment of the trope and their co-depending dynamic, but part of it is also that there’s something surprisingly warm here even when they’re suffering, even when terrible things are done. ✦ Tumblr Prompt Drabbles by Adelphrexia, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, various themes, ~1k wip (sort of)    A collection of Obikin drabble requests originally posted on my Tumblr. Mostly smut, any warnings will be posted on the chapter they apply to.    Pretty much exactly what it says on the tin, this is a nice little collection of porny snippets, for when you’re in the mood for some resolution! With all the gen or low-rated fic I’ve been reading lately, sometimes I just really need some “getting straight to the point” sex snippets and these gave me some ridiculously hot imagery and thus satisfying for exactly what I wanted from it! ✦ The Team by writegowrite, obi-wan/anakin, human au, mafia au, ~1k    Behind a warehouse long abandoned by everything but rats, beneath a blue sky smudged brown by pollution, a pristine black Mercedes sat idling like a wraith.    I really love the idea of Mafia AUs (as the author’s notes say, it’s basically a Sith AU with three piece suits!) and there’s some gorgeous imagery here (“a pristine black Mercedes sat idling like a wraith” is one of my favorite pieces of description I’ve read in awhile!) and this really lovely intimate moment of Obi-Wan thinking about Anakin, as he’s off doing some dirty work. It’s a neat way to map Anakin’s desire to be the Knight to someone else’s leader, to work in all those monstrous things he’s capable of, while also keeping Obi-Wan’s refined point of view. I like that it doesn’t need to be more than what it is, even though I’d have read another 50k or more of it, and it ends on a really lovely image as well, which says so much about who Anakin Skywalker is, with just a few words. ✦ Almost Lost by aphorisnt, obi-wan/anakin & kix, 3k    Anakin gets injured and Obi-Wan does not handle it well.    This was a very nice piece of Anakin whump and Obi-Wan actually handles it reasonably well, just not for Obi-Wan because, you know, it’s Anakin. I really enjoyed that this was just whole-heartedly embracing the hurt/comfort trope, that Anakin gets hurt, Obi-Wan’s thoughts get scrambled because he cares so much about this person, so there’s a lot of waiting and restlessness, and then everything breaks open from there. It was one of those fics that just really scratched an itch I had for this kind of thing, it was just so solidly satisfying for that! ✦ i didn’t want this thing called living by dorenamryn, obi-wan/anakin, 4.8k wip (sort of)    Alternatively: Obi-wan’s heart is forever shattered, and Anakin always burns. (A collection of ficlets cataloguing the tragedy of two lives both before and after the fall that was never supposed to happen.)    This is a collection of various ficlets, set at different points in their lives, sometimes when they’re fighting during the Clone War, sometimes after Mustafar has happened, sometimes things are a mix of bittersweet and hopeful, sometimes things are just sad, and it’s a lovely set of pieces that gave me a lot of feelings about how much was ruined between them, how much it hurts because it was good once upon a time. Another fic of “please stop punching me in the feelings (no, don’t, it’s really good)”! ✦ Tumblr Prompts by Darlings (FromDreamstoEmpires), obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, d/s, 6.6k (each chapter is separate)    A collection of prompts that I’ve filled on Tumblr.    I think I may have recommended this collection before? But I wanted to make a special rec for Chapter 4: He Hurt Me (And It Felt Like True Love), because it’s 2.7k by itself and because it was based on a prompt of mine and, boy, is it one of those fics that I enjoyed because it just gleefully embraces the tropes and iddiness of it, that it just goes right for Emperor!Sith!Obi-Wan who binds Anakin and fucks the noise out of his head, like it knows what I want from fic when I need some resolution after all the other non-shippy fic/novels I’ve been reading. It’s nicely satisfying sex, it’s Obi-Wan teaching Anakin patience through sex and making him wait to come and domming the hell out of him before finally fucking into him and blanking out Anakin’s mind. Listen. Listen, I am always here for that, okay. And this one was just fun and hit me exactly as it was supposed to! ✦ WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE by anecdotalist, obi-wan/anakin & cast, 13k wip    War has broken out between the Republic and the Separatists. But that is of no concern to Ben, one of the best bounty hunters in the galaxy. All he’s focused on is his next target…until he’s invited to a tournament of hunters on Serenno. There, he meets a young Jedi Knight—the Hero With No Fear, Anakin Skywalker—who’s disguised as bounty hunter Rako Hardeen.    Chapters 3-4: I keep meaning to let this fic build up for a bit more (because every time I read it, I get to the end of the chapter and desperately want more!) but I can never resist, I have to read it pretty much right away, because it’s so goddamned charming, there’s such a charisma to the interactions between Ben and Anakin here, you can feel the chemistry they have with each other! I’m enjoying the set-up, I really like the way these characters’ lives are different in this universe, that Ben has so many elements of Obi-Wan (that sharpness and focus and presence especially!) and that Anakin has so many elements of his canon self (kind of a mess, leads with his feelings, so much talent with his skills!), so that the instant connection between them makes perfect sense to me, they just somehow vibe on each other, that all versions of them always will.    It helps that the writing is really sharp, that the attraction between them (even while they know they should be wary, Anakin especially just can’t help being wildly attracted to Ben and WITH GOOD REASON) and that Ben is an incredible bounty-hunter, I love that I’m sure the underlying meaning is that he’s Force-sensitive and lightly tapping into those abilities without knowing it, but it’s still really hot when he’s sniping targets from so far away or leading the other bounty hunters in an obstacle course or refusing to back down in front of Dooku, but without being a hot head about it. No wonder Anakin is all hot and bothered, it’s clear that he’s brilliant himself but Ben is just really, really hot and really, really good at what he does, and so it makes their natural chemistry work. And I lovethat Anakin continues to be absolute shit at flirting, if Obi-Wan Kenobi couldn’t teach him that in canon, no one could. Seeing Obi-Wan all cool and collected, while Anakin is a mess? Yes, gimme that combination always, it never gets old! I love that there’s also a plot going on, I’m genuinely intrigued by it, the mission they’re assigned to, whatever happened in the past with Qui-Gon, what’s going on with Palpatine, all of that, but also the charm of these two is so well done that I can’t help it, I want more of them in this universe! ✦ My Anakin by DonkerRood, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, bondage, some d/s, 1.1k    Obi-Wan is back from a mission and realizes Anakin always gets what he wants.    This was a lovely piece that I picked up for the sexy times and the tying Anakin up, but wound up enjoying it just as much for the “fuck the noise out of Anakin Skywalker’s head” aspect, that it was about Obi-Wan trying to find the balance of their relationship, because Anakin is so needy, that it’s next to impossible to resist him when he’s begging Obi-Wan for more. That it’s about getting Anakin to a better headspace, that this helps settle and calm him, just as much as it’s about the soft touches and comfort Anakin gets from being tied up and loved, that it’s about Obi-Wan teaching Anakin a bit of patience before finallyfucking him properly and I’m just so very here for that. ORIGINAL TRILOGY RECS: ✦ Master and Padawan by Katharos, obi-wan & luke & cast, 15.5k wip    What if Luke was raised by Obi-Wan as his Padawan?    This was a fic written post-TPM, but pre-AOTC or ROTS, so a lot of stuff is going to be different here, but it doesn’t really matter that much, because it’s a story about Obi-Wan raising Luke, halfway as his son and halfway as his apprentice, in a story that’s just CUTENESS ALL THE WAY AROUND. I really loved tearing through it and I don’t mind that it’s a wip that hasn’t been updated in ~15 years because it’s not one that’s about resolution, it’s about the slice of life dynamic between these characters as Luke (who is a ball of sunshine, of course, even as he’s also a little shit sometimes) grows up and Obi-Wan adores him and loves him. That it’s a heartwarming fic set on Tatooine, with Luke making friends with Biggs and they go to see a podrace with Obi-Wan as the exasperated dad chasing after energetic kids, with teaching Luke to be patient and let go of his anger and frustration, all of it was just really sweet and a nice read. ✦ Ritual by ambiguously, bail & breha & leia & luke & han, ~1k    Two funerals Leia attended.    This was a short but lovely piece that’s a look at Leia’s character, the way she approaches mourning, the impact it’s had on her life, as seen through two scenes of loss–one as a child that she doesn’t really feel that connected to, the other as a young adult that’s too massive for her to wrap her head around at once. All the while showing her resilience and strength. ✦ Carmine by AceQueenKing, anakin & leia, 2.7k    The Princess stirs, waking; her eyes catch him at her door and her face darkens, ready for a fight.    Another gorgeous look at Vader and Leia, that the fire and steel in her veins teases at something in the back of his mind, but also just simply that he recognizes someone it would be a shame to waste, someone who would be so much more valuable put to better uses. I love the strength of Leia’s character here, that she’s human and nineteen, but also that she’s so sharp she’s very nearly cutting just to look at her. The deft characterization and the way they interact with each other is spot on and it’s a really aching, hard piece to read, but also graceful and fascinating. ✦ Useful by igrockspock, leia & luke & han, 1.4k    To earn her place on the Falcon, Leia has to be useful, so she tries to learn everything she can.    Another lovely look at Leia’s character, during her time on the Falcon and how hard she pushes herself, the kind of impossible standards she holds herself to. It makes me ache a little for her, she’s so very hard on herself, always pushing more and more, but also so tremendously happy for her that she has Luke and Han, who are there for her. ✦ Paper Trails; A Triptych of Leia Organa by glorious_clio, leia & cast, 7.9k    By the time she was 19, Leia has three defined roles that she slots in and out of, some are more obvious to outsiders than others. But Leia Organa is also more than the sum of her parts.    Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be able to read such an endless parade of Leia fics, that eventually character pieces should feel like they’ve covered all the ground of her, but I never seem to get tired of them, not when fic like this exists that are such a lovely look at the larger span of her life, the fire she has and the losses she suffers and just how much there is to her, all told through so many little scenes and little details given to flesh her out. It’s a really fantastic read if you’re interested in her character and her life! ✦ Entail by Domenika Marzione (domarzione), leia & luke & ahsoka & cast, 2.4k    Families of all sorts come with obligations. And baggage.    Another lovely look at Leia’s character (which I will never get tired of!) with a highlight on the Skywalker family and the Jedi and how it’s this really kind, goodexploration of what those things mean. I especially adored the conversation between Leia and Ahsoka, the introspection Ahsoka has clearly done over the years about what happened to her former Master, her part in all of it, and how it really gets how these characters related to each other and how things were beyond them sometimes. That Anakin maybe wasn’t meant to be a Jedi, but that didn’t mean anything bad about him in an inherent way or that the Jedi were bad, either, and that was perfect, that it understood and that this is how these characters actually would feel and realize things. It’s a story about Leia struggling to find her way through the Skywalker legacy and her connection to the Force, the connections her loved ones have, and how the past came to be, and it’s kind-hearted and charming, all while being sad and heartbreaking. I enjoyed this a lot! ✦ The Trick is to Keep Breathing by AceQueenKing, anakin & leia, 3.3k    She’s older now, and so is he. Far older now. She wonders: will he have lost any power with his age? Will he be shorter, weaker? An old man on a ventilator? It’s hard to imagine that he won’t still be dangerous. But then, that’s exactly what she’s counting on.    Oh, this fic was wrenching. There’s something so incredibly sharp and aching about this piece, one that’s exactly the length it needed to be (though, I would read an entire novel’s worth set in this story) and does an incredible, painful job of capturing Leia’s character, as she goes to see her biological father after the events of TLJ. There’s so many gorgeous details here (the life he lives, wherehe lives, how he lives, the people around him, the way he spends his time, the people in his sketchbook, the clothes) that I loved, but also just the sheer “please stop punching me in the feelings (no, please keep going)” feeling of it. It’s the most gorgeous Vader & Leia fic I’ve read in awhile, it really gets both these characters and how they would be in this situation, how there’s an undeniable connection there, but without removing Leia’s anger or her connection to her real parents. All of it is incredibly painful, especially Anakin, with his hope and his eagerness and his world-weariness all in equal measure, like, yes, that is Anakin Skywalker right there. I practically felt physically sore after reading this, just exactly as I was supposed to feel. ✦ Minor Counterintelligence Operations by igrockspock, han/leia & ben, 2.5k    Ben Solo knows three things: he loves his parents, they are weird, and they have a lot of secrets. He intends to find them out.    Oh, this was so adorable! Young Ben asking his parents about stuff kids ask about, except they’re not quite a normal family, so there’s a lot in Han and Leia’s past that has to be delicately approached, but they do such a sharp, charming job of it, even as you can see kidlet Ben getting a little too focused on them. The fic does a great job of not going too far in any one direction, but instead there’s all this hope and light and joy in their family, it’s genuinely darling and charismatic in how cute the kid is, while also being legitimately hilarious in moments. The comedic timing of the dialogue is really great and it just absolutely charmed the pants off me. CROSSING THE GENERATIONS: ✦ GrandMasters & GrandPadawans by ShadeCrawler, ezra & mace, background time travel, 2.2k    AKA. Where Ezra Bridger and Mace Windu have a discussion over juice.    I had a moment of wondering how these two characters would be thrown together in the same time and place, but then realized it was a time travel fic where Ezra gets to go back and meet this legendary Jedi of his lineage and, oh, I didn’t know how much I needed it until I had it. It’s so good, it’s a beautiful look at a quiet conversation between them (of course Ezra has a million questions, he’s definitely Kanan’s padawan in that) and Mace’s answers are spot on for him, that this is a fic that really gets the Jedi and the actual balance they strive for, Mace’s answer about attachment was perfect. I could have cried happy tears over how warm-hearted and good this fic was, but it’s also one that gave me a tremendous amount of feelings because EZRA GETTING TO SEE THE GOLDEN DAYS OF THE JEDI, I didn’t know how much that was going to mean to me. ✦ Round Two by ambiguously, ahsoka/sabine & cast, time travel, 1.4k    Sabine and Ahsoka get stranded in the past together.    This is a fic that drops you into the middle of the story and it’s not really aboutthe time travel, it’s about the more intimate personal dynamic between Ahsoka and Sabine, that they’ve been set outside of time, in a sense, and it’s a glimpse into how they deal with that, just moments of them stepping outside their own lives. I don’t know that I necessarily shipped it before this, but I found it to be a lovely piece and I could definitely see it here, and it was just a cool, neat read! ✦ How to Kill a Ghost by saiditallbefore, kylo & yoda, 1.6k    “Fuck. I’m being followed by a dead Jedi.” “Jedi master, I was,” he says, tapping Kylo with his cane again.    I would read at least a dozen fics of Yoda as a Force Ghost haunting Kylo Ren, basically annoying him into turning at least somewhat back to the light. I love the little touches in the fic, none are too heavy handed, but the loss of the Jedi, the hurt of everything with Anakin Skywalker, the passage of time, all of it is really nicely done, this isn’t just a crack fic, it has moments of genuine sadness and bittersweetness. But it’s also entirely hilarious and I would read the galaxy’s most fuck-awful road trip with these two for AT LEAST an entire novel’s worth! ✦ Spectre by Magical_Destiny, anakin & kylo, 2.2k    In the aftermath of Crait, Kylo Ren finally meets his grandfather.    This was a really great post-TLJ fic that hit all the notes just right for me, it wasn’t too over the top, it wasn’t too understated, it was just the right amount of Skywalker Drama with Anakin also still trying here and having achieved something better in death, more clarity that allows him to see better. And the fic doesn’t try to swing the characters too far one way or the other, while still allowing them reactions, and so it just kind of sucker-punched me in a way that felt perfect to the movies and where the characters are at this point in time. The conversation between them is satisfying for the brief moments they’ve given and thisssss is what I want from Force Ghost Anakin, yes. ✦ another city (better than this one) by notbecauseofvictories, lando & ben solo, 5.8k    The kid is sitting cross-legged on a drum of tibanna gas, picking at a hole in his leggings despite the bulky stun-cuffs binding his wrists together. He keeps darting black looks at the patrolmen flanking him on either side, and scowling.    I really loved the conflicted feelings this fic gave me, that it was easy to see the bad path Ben was on here, that Lando had to put the safety of others first, but also he handled it really kind of badly when he just shut Ben down the first time something (admittedly something really huge) happened, despite that he saw that Ben didn’t do it out of malice. And yet that this was a problem farbeyond Lando and he did the right thing. It’s a crappy situation all the way around and it was perfectly done for that! It is a fic that doesn’t really fit with canon but that doesn’t matter because it’s illustrating how Ben Solo could have gone so wrong, how he was loved and how he wasn’t just an evil chariacture, how a person can feel for him and be deeply disturbed by him, that it’s not just his power that’s frightening, but the morality behind it, the lack of understanding of how he uses it and how it hurts people. It really was a fascinating read! REBELS RECS: ✦ Mating Rituals by Velvedere, zeb/kallus & sabine & cast, 4.7k    Zeb has been acting weird lately. Kallus vents to Sabine about it.    With the brief exception of Kallus’ name, this fic could easily fit into the later parts of Rebels (which is one of the big hesitations I have with reading Kalluzeb fic, because I love that ending and want stuff that’s compatible with it!) and, even more importantly, it’s delightful as all get out. The writing is really sharp, it’s funny in that sort of understated, not directly a joke, just a hilarious circumstance kind of way, just the way Sabine is so dry about Kallus’ awkwardness, but not mean about it, is so her. And the dynamic between Zeb and Kallus is really charming and sharp, it’s a scream to read for the hilarity, but also because I ship those two so hard and it just really sparkled off the page here. An absolute scream of a fic! ✦ Seven by ambiguously, kanan & jacen, time travel (sort of), 3.8k    Kanan asks the wolves a question. The wolves bring him someone with a different question.    Another fic that I never knew I needed, this one just punched me right in the feelings with how it was absolutely perfect and so, so fitting with Star Wars and these characters’ relationship with each other. It’s perfect for Kanan, I have no trouble believing this fits into his story, just as much as it fits perfectly into what I would love to see for Jacen, it makes everything feel all the more settled, it provides a bit of resolution/closure in exactly the way it intends, it’s painful but in a cathartic way, and it works so, so well as something understated and meaningful without trying too hard. That it’s a brief few moments in time only increases it’s importance, that it doesn’t need confessions, they just get it, is so incredibly true to the characters that I could have cried a little at how much it made me feel. Gorgeous and everything I wanted from Kanan & Jacen fic. ✦ Ben Whitesun by Perspicacia, obi-wan/beru & cast, 6k    When Obi-Wan brought Luke to the Lars’ farm, he found only a struggling grieving widow and not the young, happy couple he hoped. This is how Ben Kenobi became a moisture farmer instead of a hermit…    This is really more of a Beru piece than anything, Obi-Wan is just kind of there and lacks the focus of his character, but I loved it for being an alternate storyline, for being such a great Beru piece. That Owen died and so Obi-Wan’s path became a little different, that their relationship isn’t this grand, passionate thing for either of them, they’re both too much about other things, too grounded and down to earth, but it is something comforting and solid and real, the fic balances that really well and made me care about them and really able to see that this could have happened for them. It’s a lovely picture of what life on Tatooine is like as well, that it’s hard and exhausting and dangerous, but there’s life and love and warmth there as well, that both of these people heal around each other, because of each other and Luke. It really charmed me to read this story! ✦ The Care and Keeping of Ex-Imperials Who Need Coffee, a Nap, and a Hug in That Order by akaparalian, kallus & phoenix crew (& some zeb/kallus), 8.8k    Five Ghost crew members who helped Alexsandr Kallus, and one who he helped in return.    This is a really satisfying piece about the Phoenix crew and Kallus and his slow adjustment to being part of them, a really great look at Alexandr Kallus as a character and where he’s at with all of them. That he holds himself back in ways that really fit with the character, that aren’t trying too hard or over the top about it, but instead that are pretty understandable and reasonable ways, that the fic is about the crew slowly warming up to him and him slowly learning to trust that he can tease back or admit to when he needs food or medical attention or even just trust that this is all real. I love the voices for the characters (Chopper just chucking food at him in frustration is a highlight, but also the back and forth with Ezra is probably my favorite), each one of them is different and sharp and true to who they are. It’s just exactly the kind of fic I really wanted to read! ✦ When we have peace by apocrypha73, zeb/kallus, 2.9k    After the Battle of Endor, Kallus and Zeb enjoy the celebration.    This was just a nice, solid piece of post-Rebels fic where Zeb and Kallus outlast the war, having these little moments along the way, whether discussing bigger events (like the hotshot pilot who destroyed the Death Star) or more personal, quieter and intimate moments (like discussing their lives) and it just helped satisfy that itch I had for more of them! Sweet and very nice to read. ✦ The First Day of the Rest of Your Life by ambiguously, kanan/hera & ocs, 6.7k    Kanan and Hera, from point A to point B, and all the places between.    This is the other Kanan/Hera fic I didn’t know I needed until I had it in my hands and was swept away into it. It’s the perfect length for a sort of slice-of-life (that spans a fair amount of time) post-A New Dawn and pre-series, as Kanan and Hera start to settle into this new friendship (and something more) of theirs, but I also could have read another 50k of it, because it’s so sharp and sparkling and charming. It fits them both so well for this time in their lives and really gets their ridiculous amount of chemistry down and even has original characters that I adored, who were perfectly used as they needed to be for this story. It’s a great read whether you’re full on diehard OTP for these or just more casually interested in them, I really loved it a lot. ✦ Without, Inferno | Within, Peace by auraelys, kanan/hera & sabine & ezra & depa, ~1k    In that moment, Kanan knows the choice he has to make, no matter how much it hurts.    This is a really gorgeous look at Kanan’s point of view from Jedi Night and really nails his thoughts and what he was going through and the connective web of his entire life and the path he walked. The sense of peace, the purpose just struck me really hard, they’re perfectly done and beautifully written. ✦ In the Middle of the Night by bar2d2s, hera & kallus (background kanan/hera & zeb/kallus), 1.8k    When one member of your self-made family is pregnant, you’re all pregnant.    A lovely post-series look at Kallus still trying to fit in with the Phoenix crew, as he interacts with Hera in a slightly awkward (but getting less awkward) run-in during the middle of the night. It’s sort of a Kallus-focused piece, but it’s also a family-focused piece, with the right amounts of cute and bittersweet woven together. ✦ A Moment to Breathe by Mirror and Image, kanan & kallus & hera & ezra & sabine & zeb & cast, 8.9k    Everyone struggles to come to terms with the Season 3 finale - Kallus most of all - and in their grief and defeat one blind man gives them a moment to breathe.    This was a lovely post-season 3 finale fic where Kanan wanders around and gently nudges various Phoenix crew and Rebels into feeling better, that he’s so Jedi about it, that he’s so Kanan about it, that it’s these wonderful moments of connection between all these different characters at a difficult moment in their lives, the moments of breathing room they get after everything that’s happened. I love that it fits with how a Jedi is someone who can create these moments to help others, that they get a little breathing room because of him, but I love it even more for being a piece about family, for being a piece about Kanan finding his path in life. The scene with Kallus at the end is probably definitely my favorite, but I really loved all of them, it was a lovely read. ✦ And a Million Years Gone By by ambiguously, hera & jacen, 5.7k    Hera worries about Jacen a lot.    Oh, I loved this fic, it was such a great piece for Jacen growing up and being a little strange and what that means and how Hera deals with it. It’s a series of scenes across the early years of his life, as Hera balances raising him with still fighting in the rebellion, as Jacen gets into the occasional situation here and there. That it can’t be an easy life, growing up in the midst of all that fighting and not many other kids his age around, but he’s no less loved by the people around him for it, that this is a piece about the family they’ve forged and chosen for themselves, and the ending brought that misty-eyed, “my chest is having those feelings things again” feel to me, it was beautiful for all these moments from Hera, who loves her son but worries about him, especially after she’s lost both the Jedi in her life already for a higher purpose, that the war has strained everything in her life. This is the fic I wanted to read about these moments in Hera and Jacen’s lives. ✦ Morning Light by SweetSinger2010, kanan/hera & sabine & ezra & zeb & cast, 8k    He’d long since figured out he was in bacta. He was able to orient himself to the sound of voices in the room, sometimes. When it was Hera speaking, always. And he could sense that little flicker of light and life she carried with her–their child. AU.    I am at peace with the way Rebels’ story went, it was obviously built up from a very long time ago, and the sacrifice Kanan made was a good one. That said, apparently I needed just the one AU where he lives and this one scratched that itch absolutely perfectly. The writing is lovely and the characterization is really solid, it has just the right amounts of both Hera being stubborn and reckless with how much heart and care she has, that once things settle she can put aside things and be soft again, too. It’s definitely a softer, kinder AU, but it’s not sugary sweet and I really appreciated that blend as well, because it takes Kanan time to recover, there’s a lot of shit going down in the background with the Rebellion, there’s a lot of worry about Hera pushing herself too far, etc. It hit the right notes of “I can see this fitting the Rebels canon” and “just fix everything already and give me the soft Kanera ending!!!”, which I greatly appreciated.

[etching-bones-moved]

Episode four: V

The time was 22:39, and Carthy was knocking on Viridity’s door.

It was a maintenance check, of course. The girl couldn’t be allowed to just fall apart, not when Carthy had gone to such efforts to keep her alive and mostly intact. Not when Carthy was staying in part to keep an eye on her. No, the girl needed checking on. The girl needed offered support, even if it was just from her beat up, half drunk, probably-dead-meat neighbour.

Sighing, Carthy touched a hand to her cheek. It throbbed. All of her throbbed.

Her neck was a column stained dark blue, her face a tactile journey of newly raised bumps and nicks. There was a deep laceration creeping down from her hairline from that first hit with the metal piping, sitting dark and oozing on the backdrop of a bruise.  There were a dozen shallow scratches from glass she’d rolled into, then some half-moon gouges from when her scrabbling hands had slipped, and her nails had broken her own skin. It wasn’t an understatement to say she looked like shit.

It wasn’t a surprise that Viridity’s first reaction to Carthy was horror, either.

“Hello.” Carthy said, then stopped, giving Viridity time to move past her involuntary gasp, the rock back of the heels, the worry that rolled so distinctly across her features. On her part, Carthy shifted her weight, rolled her shoulders. Don’t ask, said her nonchalance. I’m not interested in talking about it.

Gradually, Vir pushed her questions from her eyes, and Carthy spoke again.

“I was wondering how you were doing. I haven’t heard any violin today.”

Stupid, was how that sounded, but the line of Viridity’s lip softened, and her face shifted further towards a tender kind of worry. She’s touched, Carthy surmised, watching how Vir’s knuckles became slightly less white. That wasn’t something she’d expected Carthy to notice.

“I’ve been okay.” Vir replied, hugging the side of the door. Her eyeliner was faultless, but it did nothing to detract from the ugly bruises on her face. The observation resounded in Carthy’s stomach as well as her head.

“Drew a little, went on a walk. Got some books out from the library. Do you wanna come in, by the way? You never usually knock, so I... is this a house visit? It doesn’t have to be a house visit.”

“Do you want it to be?”

Vir bit her lip, soft skin dimpling under the press of her teeth.

“Please. I could use company.”

“Then it’s a house visit. Just as well, because I brought banana bread.” said Carthy, holding up the brown bag she’d wrapped it in. Viridity blinked at her, momentarily baffled, then slowly began to smile.

“I didn’t know you baked.” she said a wiggle and unlatching of the door chain later, letting Carthy inside. Vir’s apartment smelled overwhelmingly of paint, and was strewn with various items of clothing. Flung over her sofa, bundled on the floor, Carthy imagined Viridity fussing for hours over the perfect combination. Trying to work out how best to hide from the world how badly she’d been shaken.

So this is your armour, then, Carthy thought, glancing over Viridity from head to toe. Skater skirt, chunky boots and that blasted bomber jacket.

“I don’t bake well.” Carthy clarified, “Or often. But banana bread I can do.”

“It smells delicious. And it… it really means a lot. You don’t have to do any of this.”

Didn’t she though? Now more than ever it was important Carthy knew Viridity was safe, lest she end up with her dead body on her conscience.

“It’s no problem.” was all she said, looking again at the paintings on Vir’s easels, “Just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Viridity had drifted over to the kitchen counter in search of plates, but could not quite keep her eyes from Carthy’s face. Every moment or so they darted back, and the smile on her face grew ever halting.

“I have to ask.” she said, after the quiet grew between them for too long, “You don’t have to answer.”

Carthy sighed.

“I was an idiot.” she said, “I was too drunk, in the wrong place at the wrong time, and a fight broke out. That’s all.”

“That’s all? No repeats on the horizon?”

“Not that I know of.” Carthy shrugged, taking a seat at the piano stall. Absently, she ran her hands along the keys. It had been a while since she’d played, but the sheet music opened on the stand still sounded with surety inside her head.

Viridity must have caught her scrutiny.

“Do you play?” she asked, setting one plate of banana bread down near Carthy, and curling up on the sofa with the other and a well-worn blanket.

No, was Carthy’s instinctual response.

“I used to.” she said instead, rolling out her shoulders once more. She wanted to be casual, approachable, “But I don’t own a piano anymore.”

“Oh really? What happened to your old one?”

“I left home, moved away.” Carthy replied, starting on the food, “Never found a replacement.”

“Use mine.” Vir offered immediately, before devouring half her food in one gulp, with great sounds of enthusiasm. Carthy watched, quite amused, as she licked crumbs off her lips, “I need a teacher, anyway. If you want to teach, that is. Obviously, you don’t have to.”

“I don’t even know if I want to play.” Carthy said frankly, pressing a key a half-centimetre down. It didn’t sound, “It was just something I did as a kid.”

Viridity made a long noise of understanding.

“Ahhh I see. The parentally pushed activity?”

One corner of Carthy’s mouth lifted.

“That’s the one.” she agreed, “We all have them.”

Viridity made a loud humming noise at this, and nodded vigorously.

“Mine were violin, which I actually enjoyed, and languages. French and Italian.” Her grin broadened, her voice bled through with laughter. The sound was mesmerising, “Mum said it was for my benefit but really she just wanted a translator, so she could move to Italy. I guess I got pretty good.”

“Can you still speak them?” asked Carthy setting her plate down so that her hands could prop up her face instead.

“Speak them?” Vir considered this, electric eyes pointed upwards as she thought, “Not well. I could still read them though, I think. Can you still play?”

“I’d be rusty, but the memories are there.”

“I can’t play at all.” Vir said longingly, “I’ve been trying to teach myself and its really not going well.”

“That’s because you’ve decided to start with Beethoven.” Carthy pointed out with the beginnings of a grin, indicating to the music on the stand, “Were you expecting anything less?”

Viridity lit up in beautiful indignation.

“Hey, you’ve heard my violin! I can do music, I’m not so used to- these different mechanics.”

She finished with a weak hand gesture, looking ever so slightly embarrassed.

“Start simpler. Get a beginners book. Hire a teacher.”

“Are you offering?”

“Viridity.” Carthy said, almost laughing as she remembered where her mind had gone the last time Vir had asked her that question, “I don’t even know if I can play myself.”

“So, you won’t be my bodyguard, and you won’t be my piano teacher... What exactly are you here for, Carthy?”

Oh, sweetheart, Carthy thought distantly, abdomen bit through with sudden heat. Was that a challenge?

“Well, I figure we’ve reached at least the level of occasional drinking buddies.”

Vir grinned, coyly, a smirk that stretched right up to her blue-spark eyes.

“This I can get behind.” she said, eyebrow raising, “Day after tomorrow, how about we hit the town? You, me, maybe one of my mates-”

“Hit the town?”

“Let me live, Carthy.” Viridity said, body rising as her words did, an unconscious betrayal of her nerves. Not for an instance had she stopped grinning, though, and not for an instance had the colour left her cheeks.

Carthy found herself... thankful.

“Sure, Vir. Day after tomorrow I’ll take you drinking.”

“And tonight, will you play for me?”

No, went Carthy’s gut again, and this time she did not struggle against it. Instead she looked to Vir, and found her eyes were uplifted at the corners, her eyelashes ever so slightly ginger. She found her face impish, her lips drawn wry and poised to part. She found her eyes overwhelmingly... earnest.

“You don’t have to.” Viridity added, gentle, gentle. It struck Carthy then, that Viridity was a good person. She wanted, she did not take. She felt, she did not impose.

“What’s your surname?” Carthy asked, and Viridity shot her a strange look.

“Rheyes. Why?”

Viridity Rheyes was a good person.

“No reason.” Carthy murmured, “What would you like me to play?”

Vir splayed her fingers.

“Anything.” she said, looking ever so slightly giddy, “Something that makes you feel.”

“Alright.” said Carthy, turning to face the music stand. Her hands hovered over the keys as she considered where to lay them to rest, her fingers a study of continual vibration. Something that made her feel. Something that made her feel.

She had nothing.

“I’m so lonely in this city.” came Vir’s voice from behind her. Low and dreamy, Carthy was all at once hit, “You help, so much, but I barely know a thing about you.”

Lips pressed together, Viridity’s words thumped through Carthy’s chest.

“You’re not missing much.” she managed.

“I don’t believe that for a second. You’re full of secrets.”

Carthy exhaled, roughly.

“Probably.” she agreed, stretching out her hands once more, flexing them, “But they are mine to keep.”

“I know.” said Vir, a soft sigh of sound, and Carthy found herself caught.

I’m lonely too, she realised, and it was as obvious as it was laughable. Of course, she was lonely, she’d spoken to nobody but clients for the past three years. And of course, Vir dizzied her head, she was bright and laughing and warm.

Suddenly sure of what to do, Carthy brought her hands down and played. Viridity listened in silence, and when Carthy finally turned tears had streaked down her neighbour’s face. Beautiful, was what she said. Carthy’s mind repeated the word, over and over and over.

Hours later, she lay awake staring at her ceiling.

They’d watched a movie. Had coffee, which had quickly devolved into spirits, which had quickly led to putting a very giggly Viridity to bed. She’d been babbling throughout about how she couldn’t get Carthy’s face right, and so Carthy had asked- why must you get my face right? - to which Vir had responded it would be a crime not to, and that was enough for Carthy to know.

Vir liked her. Vir was definitely flirting with her. Should Carthy give the go ahead, Vir would probably do a whole lot more than flirt with her, and Carthy didn’t really know what to do with that information. Nothing could happen between them. Not usually and especially not now.

What was Carthy supposed to do? Ignore it? Tell Viridity she had no hope, outright?

Rolling over, she let out a disgruntled huff. She felt like a teenager, agonising over her first crush. She felt hot and prickly and… embarrassed. She could not stop fidgeting. Her senses would not shut off.

That’s when she heard the click.

All her doors had new hinges and latches, all her doors sounded with marked percussion. Listening close now, Carthy heard one sound from her hallway, accompanied by the near silent groan of a floorboard. She heard the wind, a rumble of traffic that had not been there before. Whoever this new attacker was, they’d gone through her back door again.

Predictable, then.

Fingers wrapped around the piping Marcas had left her, Carthy got out of bed.

Wattpad // Fictionpress // 22:39 tag // Other writing

[londontoseoularchive]

i'm sorry you're having a bad experience :( are you studying in coimbra? - cause like the hazing is wayyy worse, although i don't think anyone ever died, there (tbh i had the best hazing experience and i was pretty scared cause i was going into a school full of dudes right after the summer where 4 or 5 students died - it rly depends where you're studying tbh) and about the sexism/racism, it's still so obvious how racist this country is (cont.)

(cont.) most portuguese people however will say we aren't racist at all somehow... but yeah -- about the sexism idk how it is in the uk but here it's still.... a lot; being in engineering school, there's always that casual layer of sexism that goes from jokes in class up to having the electrotechnic dudes all screaming no means yes yes means anal behind you at a party

i am in coimbra. some of the things that i saw them doing were somewhat typical and some new, but none which i thought were extreme, until i was at the stairs leading up to the praca dom dinis where because a dude’s phone went off, it was literally thrown down the stairs. i thought ‘wow... okay then’ that was the beginning and then it got abusive, verbally and physically, and thought nah fam im not getting involved.

with the racism, my mum and godmother have tried to tell me ‘os portuguese sao assim’ in the sense that they make racist remarks but either don’t realise the complications of it or mean it well. i have absolutely no idea how calling me ‘ a negra de cabo verde’ (which is what i was always referred to, not even by my onw name) by a white african studies professor, it really boggled me. his excuse of ‘eu gosto de provocar os meus alunos’ is also absolute bullshit because there’s many other ways of you doing that.

never mind the education system here, that’s a whole other conversation, but i came here with the purpose of having an experience outside of the uk to broaden my horizons. technically, i was already born here, i come to portugal almost every summer, i don’t know how much more i could learn about portuguese culture, but i guess the pure ignorance and denial of ‘nos nao somos racistas’ is what, not so much irritated me, but really confused the shit out me? an empire that lasted almost 600 years spanning across almost every single continent in the world, and the lack of awareness is that engraved in society? i get that the liberation only happened in 1974, but come on now.

a disclaimer though. i’m still proud to be portuguese, i do love the country, lisbon will always be home to me, but there’s definitely room for improvement.

[liberifatalis]

Hey! Loved reading your headcanons and because I rarely find much content for my FFVII OTP I was wondering if you could please write headcanons for Cid & Shera? Would love angsty stuff relating to Shera contracting the geostigma and their time together between the end of FFVII through Advent Children if that's cool... thank you!! Happy to see another FF writing blog. :)

Aw, I’m glad you enjoyed my headcanons! 

I was initially going to make this blog reader-inserts only, but this ask has kinda broadened my horizons a tiny bit! I really enjoy making headcanons for ships, so thanks for sending this request in. This blog will be mainly focused on reader-inserts but I don’t mind doing the occasional ship request. 

Anyway, here’s some SFW headcanons for Cid/Shera. The angsty stuff is more towards the end, and just a warning, it is quite a long post! I hope you enjoy them ♥

Cid still beats himself up every now and then for the way he used to treat Shera before. He still feels a bit guilty. And by all means, he definitely should, but it’s been years since then, and he should be over it by now—because Shera is.

She reassures him whenever she notices he’s feeling like shit because of it. She’ll walk up to him while he’s spaced out and wrap her arms across his waist and rest her chin on his shoulder. 

He isn’t really good with all the emotional or sappy stuff, but he really does appreciate all the times that Shera reassures him. She’ll try lightening the mood or changing the subject by talking about mechanical or science-y stuff.

They didn’t really plan on getting “together”, if you know what I mean. After he forgave her for ruining his dream (because, you know, he did end up going to space after all), their relationship develops from its original professional origin, and what we see throughout the main game.

Shera still lives with him afterwards, and she really didn’t expect that. She assumed he’d ask her to move out, since the conflict between them was resolved, but he doesn’t. 

For a few months, he’s really awkward around her…well, Cid’s own type of awkward. Shera kept making tea for the both of them every morning after they woke up, and he couldn’t help but feel like the biggest asshole. Even when she’d smile genuinely at him and hand him his tea just the way he likes it, in his favourite mug, he couldn’t stop the tremendous feeling of guilt washing over him.

“Jesus, woman, there ain’t no guests over. You don’t need to make me tea anymore!” 

It kind of blows him off his feet when he realises he really, really enjoys playing house with her. He loves the warm feeling he gets when they’re in the kitchen/dining room in the morning, eating breakfast and drinking tea together and not saying a word. Basically, he enjoys all the boring and simple stuff. 

And then it hits him one day that he doesn’t just want to play house. He wants it to be real. Official. He’s cursing at himself in his mind because 1) He’s an asshole who lacks any charm and manners and what the hell is a smart woman like Shera gonna find appealing in him, and 2) What if she likes playing house, and just playing house? What if she doesn’t want anything serious and still resents him for the things he said?

He ends up spilling the beans, though, in the most Cid way possible. He was almost going to keep it all in, since he never really pictured himself settling down, and although he is a tough and macho man (kinda, he definitely seems himself as more macho than he really is), he’s afraid Shera’s gonna reject him—and then he’ll not only lose his assistant, but a close friend whom he has a lot of history with. 

He told her to sit her ass down, shut up, and hear him out. Even made the both of them some tea. He asked her what she thought of the idea of them sharing a bed. Excellent wording, Cid. Her reaction to his “confession” was surprisingly calm, and she just laughed at him for a bit. Maybe laughing wasn’t the best way to go, though, because she saw how his eyes saddened a bit—him obviously assuming she was rejecting him. But she placed her hand over his and smiled, “I would love to.” 

There is a catch though. He’s gotta take her out to dinner first. No way in hell is she going to share a bed with a guy she’s never even been on a date on! It was a bit weird, especially since Cid hasn’t been on a date in years, and like I mentioned before, he lacks charm and manners, and he has absolutely no clue where to take Shera. 

Shera ends up choosing where to go, and even though Cid was a fumbling, cursing fool for most of the time, they both really enjoyed themselves. Shera, according to Cid, looked damn fine. He was surprised to find out that the ‘things’ he was feeling for months and months while living with her actually reciprocated. 

They didn’t play house after this anymore, and of course, they ended up sharing a bed. 

His marriage proposal wouldn’t seem like an actual genuine proposal to anyone else, but Shera understood. When she found out he named his airship after her, it was more than enough for her to understand what he was getting at. She found an engagement ring on her pillow after that. There was a very big grin on his face after he saw her walk out into the kitchen with the ring he picked out on her finger.

When Shera was infected with Geostigma, Cid was absolutely heartbroken. He was in absolute disbelief. He felt like an even bigger asshole, too, because he should have protected her somehow—even though there was nothing he could have done.

Their relationship kind of grows stale and distant after that, and it’s because Shera is purposely distancing herself from Cid. She only has Geostigma in her hand, so she knows he’ll be a big idiot and not give a damn about touching her and being around her, and she’s just so scared to give it to him (even though it isn’t contagious, but it’s widely believed to be).

Cid knows why she’s doing it, but he really isn’t scared at all, and he hates how he can’t convince her to just let him be around her. She doesn’t sleep in their bed anymore, doesn’t let him be close to her, touch her, kiss her, et cetera. 

They both don’t give up on the relationship because they love each other and they’re stronger than that, but they’re both almost at breaking point because it’s like they’re not even married anymore.

They argue quite a bit. There’s no screaming or anything, but there’s shouting, and there’s tears. Cid has managed to reassure her sometimes that it’s alright for him to touch her, hold her, kiss her, but it’s still rarely happens as it ends up making Shera uncomfortable and terribly afraid. She wants to believe in him, in his faith in her, but she can’t risk it.

Cid’s really irritated around this time, even though he understands why Shera does it. If he had Geostigma, he wouldn’t allow her to be anywhere near him for her own safety.

This time period was by far the lowest point of their relationship. To the both of them, it felt like they’d never recover from it and their marriage would just be a lost cause after a while.

But then things start to light up again after the Geostigma is healed, and even though Cid is a man of science, he can’t help but see this as some sort of blessing.

Things don’t automatically bounce back to how they were before, though. It takes a bit of time for things to return to usual. Shera’s still cautious around Cid, still flinches sometimes whenever his hand passes over hers, or when he rests an arm over her while they’re sleeping.

But they don’t mind, and they’re not in any rush. The both of them are really thankful for each other, and after things eventually start going back to the way they were, their relationship is the strongest it’s ever been. 

[green78]

I’m probably gonna lose followers for this...

I’m also probably going to regret this in the morning.

So someone just messaged me to read this big long rant about the harmfulness of g!p and trans and ABO fics and shit like that. I read and write and support a lot of g!p and trans and ABO fics, so I was a little irked. And I realised that this was ONE PERSON talking, and that not all people feel that way. But hey, you know what? I’m on the flipside of the argument, and I can be that one person, too, so I’ma tell my crazy-ass story. *cracks knuckles*

I used to be terrified by the very thought of a penis. This is probably because I was sexually assaulted more than once, and at a young age. So I had this mentality of “penis = man = bad.” Yes, I am VERY aware of how transphobic that is, even if I didn’t intend it to be, and I still cringe when I think about how I was the very person I promised myself I’d never be, even if I didn’t realise it. So while I was super supportive of trans women and absolutely considered them women, I couldn’t honestly answer the question of whether or not I would date one, because my trauma brain still equated penis with male and badness.

Then I discovered magic!cock and g!p fics.

At first I was like, “Do I REALLY want to go down this Rabbit Hole?” but thankfully, I ended up finding some really quality g!p fic. So then I broadened my horizons from “because magic” to “fic with actual trans women in it.” ABO took a little longer to get into, but that’s because there’s a whole lot more to it than g!p (for real, y’all - the first tag I saw next to ABO was “mpreg”). Anyway, the more I read, the more I realised that a penis is not inherently male. It’s just a body part. And some women have them, the same way some men have vaginas. And women who have penises - whether they be trans or intersex - are just as amazing and gorgeous as women with vaginas. Because they’re women, and I really love women.

So reading g!p led to: 1) Me not solely associating penises with men anymore, which in turn led to: 2) Me not being afraid of penises, so that’s a PTSD hurdle jumped 3) Me realising how gorgeous trans women are and how tacitly and unknowingly transphobic I had been before (yes, I cringed SO HARD and I STILL cringe at how tacitly transphobic I was). 4) Me changing my answer to “I would absolutely date a trans woman because women are women are women and yo, Jamie Clayton from Sense 8? Hot damn!

Now, here is where I’m sure a lot of you will jump in and accuse me of fetishizing women with penises and that “it’s not all like the fics” (ffs, EVERYONE knows it’s not all like the fics - or they should) and that sort of thing. I am well aware of that fetishization risk. Which is why, when I set out to write a series with a trans woman character, I didn’t just go in blind. I went to the main MtF reddit forum, introduced myself, explained that I was writing a story with a trans woman in it and I wanted to be sure I did her justice, and asked if they would be comfortable sharing their stories and answering my questions. To my delight, the trans women of reddit were more than happy to chat with me and link me to some awesome resources.

As an off-topic side note, I think the best conversation I saw was a separate thread where they discussed whether or not standing up to pee made them dysphoric or not. One woman cheerfully said, “hey, if I’ve got the advantage, I might as well use it.” I wasn’t the only one to get a giggle out of that.

Now, are some g!p, trans, and ABO fics harmful and perpetuate incorrect stereotypes? Absolutely. I’ve come across them. They disgusted me. This is where more of you are going to jump in and accuse my works of being just as toxic because of a scene in What I’m (Not) Born to Be, even though I’ve written explanations AND companion pieces explaining that yes, I KNOW it’s toxic - I wrote that part SPECIFICALLY TO POINT THAT OUT. Apparently writing something means you agree with it, though. (eyeroll) ANYWAY, yes, some of the works can be harmful. But isn’t that the case with almost everything? Just because a fic is g!p or trans or ABO doesn’t make it automatically harmful, the same way a fic about two cis women doesn’t automatically make it NOT harmful (jfc, have I stumbled across some seriously harmful lesbian fic). By putting all those fics and their authors under a blanket statement, aren’t we doing the same thing we DON’T want people doing to us?

YOU CANNOT JUDGE THE ENTIRETY BASED ON THE ACTIONS/CONTENT OF A FEW. That’s not how it works.

TL;DR: - A Girl Who Was Scared of Penises Started Reading G!P Fic. You’ll Never Guess What Happened Next! - #NotAllABO 

[tidbitsofsadness]

Looking back at old convos and texts and I’m just like... wow

For one, when I had the ‘power’ aka the other person was more invested than I was, I was such an indecisive little shit

I was preaching about not having labels, not dating, not being committed and spewing all that bullshit

But I kept stringing them along, and that was such a horrible thing to do.

When someone shows more interest in you, it makes you feel good about yourself. Like wow my worth is reaffirmed by this person’s want to date me

And when the tables turned, and I was the more invested one...

Wow

People are cruel. I honestly don’t think any of them meant to be that cruel but you don’t realize it when the person doesn’t matter to you.

I’ve had that happen to me 3 times now.

3 times.

And I still haven’t learned.

I was so besotted with the person that I didn’t even care. Even if they showed just a tiny bit of interest in me, i thrived on it.

How pathetic lol.

I let stupid shit happen to me because I wanted someone that I couldn’t have. Who didn’t like me but went along with it anyway cause why the hell not.

And I’d stay for months. Completely cut off any other guys because I was so fixated on getting that one person who didn’t even like me.

That’s how... insecure I am. That in itself is an understatement.

The weird thing is, I didn’t even have genuine feelings for them. Yeah, I was heavily infatuated but that’s about it.

Now they don’t even mean shit to me. And the fact that I stayed for so long and put in so much effort is laughable.

It sucks honestly. But I’m no saint, I did that to others too and I feel terrible about it :(

Regardless of how shitty or immature some people can be, you don’t wanna treat someone like that.

It reflects badly on you.

And now, I’ve been alone for a few months. I’m itching to go out on dates and meet new people but

I’m scared.

Scared of either leading people on or being screwed over again.

Maybe I should just freaking chill.

I’m 21. I’m hella young.

I need to figure out what I want to do.

What kind of life I want to live

Before I can fully invest myself in someone and work towards having a future together.

It just sucks that some things didn’t work out.

One dude, I really did like talking to him. Felt like our personalities just clicked. Similar sense of humour. I told him I had a crush on him and he didn’t reciprocate, which is fine and expected. But goddamn it boy, why did you keep saying things that made me feel so confused and gave me the slightest bit of hope? I was completely fine with you not liking me but I really wished we could have been friends. Such a pity you didn’t feel the same.

And the most recent one... wow. I really learned a lot about being open minded with you. From the things you’ve told me to what you’ve done, it really challenged me to broaden my horizons and open my mind. You made me realise that being religious doesn’t make you have good morals. Until now, I still don’t know why I stayed with you when you obviously weren’t into it at all. I just wish... I don’t know. I tried man. I really did. At that point, I really did like you. God knows why lol but I did. And it’s fine that you didn’t feel the same way. But why, did you agree to date someone you didn’t even see in a romantic light is beyond me. And stupid me for assuming that you felt the same way. Damn. I’m still a little bitter about that lol.

I’m just gonna... chill. And follow my gut. If I’m gonna ask someone out, I will.

But I have no expectations whatsoever.

[theonewhostories-blog]

THE ONE I MET IN REAL LIFE

This one is my most recent nightmare, sorry, I mean date.  You’ve probably already spotted the unusual element in this story - I met him in real life. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t even know that happened any more.

So here’s how it went. My mate organised a pub crawl and about three glasses of prosecco in, her lodger turns up. He’s not my normal type but he’s quite cute and catches my eye. Plus my friends go on at me all the time about how my ‘type’ doesn't work out  for me and that I shouldn’t be so fussy, so I’m trying to broaden my horizons.  We chat a bit, he seems quite cool, so I check with my mate to see if he’s single. And what do you know, he is. Well knock me down with a feather.

The night goes on quite late and when the pubs shut we end up back and my friend’s (and by default his) house. Back at the house we get chatting (and flirting) properly and it seems like the feeling is mutual. Towards the end of the night we end up snogging in the kitchen like teenagers whilst everyone stops what they're doing and stares. Slightly awkward.

Next day I get a few texts from him, but it becomes clear quite quickly he isn't a big texter (or at least not with me). Over the next week or so we exchange a few texts but it’s quite hard work. I’m on the verge of sacking it off when he asks me if I want to go for drink. Talk about taking your time buddy.

Fast forward to the big day. It’s a Sunday so we arrange to meet for a drink at 6pm. He’s quite touchy feely from the get-go and we’ve barely touched our first drink when he asks if I want to go for dinner. Why not, eh? So off to dinner we go, get on well, fairly decent convo and all that jazz. We finish dinner and he doesn’t let me go halves on the bill and insists of paying (seems keen right?).  

We then head off to the pub for one last drink before going home. As soon as we get there he steps up the touchy-feeliness and starts playing with my hand when we sit down. A little while later we have a bit of a smooch, after which he starts looking at me funny. ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’, I ask. Legitimate question when you’re being looked at like you’re a unicorn. ‘I’m just trying to work you out’, comes his answer. Now here is the thing. I’m a very straightforward kind of person and what you see is what you get, so this kind of interrogating is completely pointless. I tell him as such. He continues with that weird look. ‘Stop it, it’s kinda off-putting’, I think. Then there are some more smooches, before he starts sending mixed messages. One minute, he’s saying 2017 is the year he wants to buy a house and find a girlfriend, then the next, he’s ‘not sure where his head at’. Now, I learnt my lesson a while ago about trusting my instincts (see my previous post - https://tinyurl.com/zu5vpoz), so alarm bells are sounding telling me he’s just not that into it. And for once I’m listening to them.

We finish our drinks and he walks me to the bus stop, and waits with me for my bus (his mum brought him up fairly well). To kill the time we swap snogging like teenagers in the kitchen for snogging like teenagers at a bus stop.  A few minutes later I jump on the bus and give a quick wave goodbye, not entirely knowing how the night went.  I decide there and then to wait for him to text, as I’m not 100% sure I’m bothered either, but I’d probably go on another date to decide if he asked.

Now before I continue and tell you what happened next, I need to tell you a bit about my type. I didn't realise I had a type up until The One Who Started It All (see https://tinyurl.com/j9yurbm) unceremoniously threw our life together out the window and I had to enter the land of dating for the first time nearly eight years. Actually, it was probably longer than that, as I had to get all the crying out of the way first… Internet dating was new then and it quickly became apparent to all of my friends (and me) that I only ever liked/swiped/poked handsome men with dark hair and beards. And they had to be tall. Not giants, as I’m a mere five foot one and a very important quarter, but taller enough than me so we wouldn't look like a hobbit couple.  The One I Met In Real Life couldn’t have been further from this. For starters he was short. And I mean really short. With fairly small heels on (me not him) he was basically the same height as me.  Now that is short. That’s dwarf couple short.  Yeah he was cute-ish, but not up to my normal standards - he didn't have beard for starters. Just really spikey, uncomfortable stubble. And to make him a real catch, it transpired throughout the course of the date that he was deaf. With hearing aids and everything. That he had to fiddle with every now and again and thought I didn't notice. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being deaf, but it does make for quite a funny addition to the story.

So, after that diversion, I’ll continue the story. Three days go by, nothing. My mate who he lives with tries to find out what he’s thinking about it, but he gives nothing away. Fibs in fact and says that nothing had happened on the date. Then on the Thursday, my mate tries to hassle me into going to her house as another good friend is also going over for dinner. I resist quite strongly at first because (A) it’s a bit weird as it’s so soon after the date and (B) I have other plans to meet a friend.  The eve goes on and my two mates keep going on at me to come over, so when I finish up with dinner fairly early, I decide to sod it and just go over. Only he’s come home. He’s meant to be out all night but is back early. Dammit, what do to? I’m a bit pissed at this point so I think fuck it, I’ll just text him and tell him that I hope it’s not too weird but that they’ve been going on at me about coming over all week and I’m coming over to see them on my way home (subtext, I’m not coming to see you so don’t flatter yourself). Only before I pressed send I should have read my mate’s last text. The one that said he’d not come home on his own. The one that said he was with a lady friend. Awks.

Bollocks I think. Why the fuck didn't I read her text properly? And what on earth am I going to do now?!  I obviously can’t go over, that really would be weird, so I’m going to have to recover from that text. I decide to go with a breezy ‘ Ah I should have read [my mate’s name]’s latest text. Don't worry I won’t intrude!’. Swallow me up world. In my drunken state I’m also very annoyed that I can’t go and hang out with my friends, as I’ve got to that point in the night where I really want another drink rather than to go home. So I do what any self respecting single girl would do and ring my gay best friend who duly meets me for a couple more G&Ts. God love him.

Now, as I said before, I’m not overly fussed about this guy, but the situ is a bit awkward given he lives with my friend. And since I’m good friends with his landlady, you’d expect he wouldn't want to shit where he eats and that he might reply, if not that night but the next day, with an ‘I’m sorry about that, bit awkward!’. So does he? Of course he doesn’t.

Two and a half weeks go by without a peep, and to be honest I haven’t thought twice about it for two of those weeks, when yesterday all of a sudden, out of the blue, and against zero context, I get this little gem:

‘Thanks [insert my name] for being considerate. Sorry if I wasn’t clear but life is a bit mad for me at the mo. I do hope you find someone to share all those trips with and have a great time.��

What the actual fuck?

At first it takes me a minute to work out who on earth it’s from and what it’s about, as I’d deleted his number the night of the unfortunate texts. ‘Thanks for being considerate’. Obviously he really meant ‘sorry for being a dickhead’.  As for ‘not being clear’, no, you weren’t, but neither was I sitting at home pining for you.  All it takes is a little text to say ‘I had a nice time but I’m not sure we’re right for each other’, to which I would most likely agree. Like grown ups.  And don't get me started on ‘I do hope you find someone to share all those trips with’. Was he not listening to anything I said? Travelling solo for five months was the most empowering thing I’ve ever done. There is absolutely no need to feel sorry for me and ‘hope’ I find someone to tag along. I don’t need one person, when I travel I end up making countless new friends and can do exactly as I please without compromising for some fucker that doesn’t want to go and see the thing I want to. So The One I Met In Real Life, take your pity and shove it up your (rather short) arse.

Needless to say, I didn't reply.  I have no idea why he felt the need to send me that message. But what did this one teach me? It taught me not to go against my type and what I find truly attractive about a person, because they’re most likely going to end up being a dickhead anyway. So they might as well be a smoking hot dickhead.

And for the record having a type isn’t fussy. It’s called having standards.