#and then need to be a big girl and move on to focusing on grad school work/getting things ready for my students

[gigglesandfreckles-hp]

i'm completely knackered so i'll finish out prompts tomorrow! but you are all amazing and i 🫶🏼 each of you. sweet dreams darling humans!

[aurorawritestoescape]

Birthday Surprise

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader x Tommy Miller

Tw: 18+ mdni smut, mfm, power imbalance (boss/employee), ‘sir’ kink, praise kink, tiniest bit of degradation, oral (f/m receiving), cum eating, unprotected piv (wrap it up obv), creampie, rimming, multiple orgasms, butt slapping (light), voyeurism, swearing, no use of y/n

Word count: 3,2k

A/n: thank you @noxturnalpascal 💖 for an amazing idea to write fics based on this PROMPT: Pick a Pedge Daddy character - Joel Miller, Frankie Morales, Dave York, etc. (it can be Canon or Non-Canon/AU/No Outbreak).

PPCU Daddy is surprised - and excited - to learn that the grad/postgrad student he hires to watch his child sometimes also works as a: stripper/dancer/cam-girl/onlyfans-model/dating-or-escort-service (or straight-up SW)

I added Tommy to the mix cos what’s better than one Miller boy? Yeah, two Miller boys😝

Other fics based on the prompt: Room 301 @milla-frenchy Dancing is a dangerous game @noxturnalpascal Webcam for beginners @iamasaddie

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You’ve been doing stripping as a side job for a few months now. As a postgrad student you were broke and in debt. You needed money to help out with the tuition, which was unbearably high. On top of that your car broke down and you’ve been trying to save for a new one. One of your friends who’d done it told you that the money was good and the hours were flexible. So you decided to give it a shot.

The gig turned out to be great. You were often tipped generously and though the men were usually drunk and overly excited you’ve been lucky enough to be treated fairly well. They called you Diamond because of your sparkling silver costume and glittering boots.

Today you are shining at a birthday party. It’s a total sausage fest and everyone is excited about the headliner - you. The men are cheering you on as you’re giving your best lap dance to the man of the evening. The music is blaring while you are slowly taking off your sparking top before pushing your breasts together and swaying your hips seductively. You’re still wearing high silver boots and a tiny diamond-encrusted thong.

Everyone is already buzzed. Everyone except the birthday boy. He doesn’t seem to be drunk at all as his dark piercing eyes are sliding across your glitter-covered body with intent and hunger. Sometimes he gives his friends a little smile and laughs at their thirsty comments. But when his gaze returns to you his expression becomes focused and serious, one of a hunter whose unsuspecting prey is inching closer and closer, as he’s waiting for the right moment to strike. There is something hypnotizing about the man and you feel the magnetic pull every time your eyes meet.

You want him to want you. And judging by a big bulge in his jeans you’re doing great. You’re practically drooling over him as your hands are gliding over his broad shoulders, strong chest, running through his dark curly hair. After some time you see only him, and your heart flutters and core burns with desire.

You’re hovering over his lap, his face inches from your bouncing breasts as your hips move the way you’d ride him and your hands are holding onto his muscular shoulders. He wants to say something to you so you lean down bringing your ear to his plush lips. His breath tickles you and you giggle.

“Can I get a private dance?” he asks a little louder so you could hear him through the music. He tilts his head to the side to look into your eyes. He’s gorgeous. Older, just how you like them. A scent of whiskey and something sweet hits your nostrils and you feel yourself getting wet. Your pussy tingles and you both decide to give this guy whatever he wants tonight. You smile at him nodding your head, maybe a little too eager.

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That’s how you end up on your knees in the VIP room, fully naked between his spread legs, his cock deep in your throat. You’ve never done anything like that with a client but you just couldn’t help yourself. You would be fired in a second if anyone found out but you feel that he’s not the one to kiss and tell. His body, his eyes, his confidence drive any rational thought away from your mind.

When you were sitting on his lap having discarded your thong and boots and framing his legs with yours, your pussy was throbbing so much for him it hurt. You rested your head on his shoulder, turned to him and whispered in his ear, “You can touch me if you want”.

He chuckled and asked if he was allowed to but his fingers were already caressing your glistening seam. A few moments later he was fucking you with his thick digits, his tongue licking into your mouth. He knew his way around a pussy and you came hard, making a mess of his jeans.

Now you are sucking on his ball rolling it in your mouth with your tongue and slowly jerking his cock. His jeans are opened and tugged down his hips, your hand is splayed on his lower belly covered with soft hair. He’s watching you with a soft smile, half lidded eyes blown and hazy. You’re enjoying yourself so much you feel you might come untouched just from sucking him off.

That’s when HE barges into the room apologizing for being late. You hear the gravelly voice and your heart drops into your stomach. You freeze glancing up at the birthday boy with horror on your face. Fuckfuckfuckfuck!!!! Fuck! You recognise that voice immediately. You raise your head before glancing back. Of course it’s him! The father of the girl you’ve been babysitting for a few weeks. You always loved kids so babysitting seemed like a great idea. Well, until now when two of your clients met.

Joel Miller was always kind and respectful yet a little grumpy. You never blamed him, a single parent who worked very hard to provide his daughter with the best life. He was a great father judging by how well adjusted and happy Sarah was.

He doesn’t look grumpy now. With his mouth agape, he’s staring at the two of you and mumbles, “Fuck, Tommy.” He raises one brow and runs a hand through his dark hair in a nervous gesture. His black T-shirt rides up showing a slither of his soft stomach and a happy trail. Suddenly you remember all the times he would come home sweaty and hot from working outside all day and you bite your lip.

You’re used to being naked in front of strangers so it takes you a minute to realize you need to cover yourself up.

“Oh my god, Mr Miller. Fuck.. I’m so sorry,” you get up looking around for anything to put on. Of course there’s nothing except your tiny thong and the boots so you just place your hands awkwardly on your mound and breasts and stand between Mr Miller and ‘Tommy’, whose cock is still out and hard. He’s not putting it away, just sits there proudly. Your eyes are darting between the two men.

“You’re interrupting, bro,” Tommy says with a nonchalance in his voice. Now it’s your time to be surprised cos the man looks almost bored.

Joel visibly collects himself and comes up to you.

“I see that,” he says, looking you up and down and then turning to his brother, “Do you know that you’re getting blown by my babysitter?”

Joel looks back to you and brushes your arm with his big warm hand. You shiver at the touch.

“No shit! Babysitter?” Tommy sits up, finally expressing some interest. Joel hums and his brother chuckles and leans back again, holding his still hard cock in his hand, “Got yourself a new one?”

“Yeah… and I seemed to hit the jackpot,” Joel replies with a little smile but his eyes on you are darker, hungrier than you’ve ever seen him. Your skin erupts in goosebumps and you feel yourself like a bunny circled by hungry wolves.

“Mmm.. Mr Miller, I can explain,” you stutter nervously standing there like a school girl being scolded by a headmaster. You want to tell him that you don’t usually walk around sucking your clients off but Joel interrupts you, “No need to explain anything, sweetheart. Work is work. You did nothing wrong.”

His deep smooth voice makes your clit twitch and you almost gasp when he cups your cheek and lowers his face closer to yours, “I know you’re a good girl.”

“And full of surprises,” Tommy adds with a smirk looking at you almost differently, with more intrigue in the gaze and his cock twitches in his hand.

You glance up at Joel and his eyes slide to your lips and yours do the same. Your mouths are so close you’re breathing each other's air. His thumb is rubbing your cheek. Suddenly you jerk when Tommy coughs interrupting whatever is happening between you and your employer. Joel straightens up and his hand leaves your face.

“Ya know what,” he says walking to the chair across the room, placing it a couple meters away from you and taking a seat, “Don’t stop on my account.”

Your jaw drops and you freeze, hardly believing your own ears.

“You heard him, baby. We don’t need to stop,” Tommy repeats his brother's words as your shock is being replaced by excitement.

You hesitate at first but the idea of sucking a guy off when his brother is watching is so filthy that the burning in your core reignites again and you feel yourself gush.

You drop your arms exposing yourself to the men, come up to Tommy again and retake your previous position on your knees between his legs. You take his cock from him and turn your head back to Joel. His legs are spread, big hand resting on his inner thigh as he’s watching you.

You swallow loudly and turn back to Tommy. He must have read the anxiety on your face as he takes your chin between his fingers and gives you a warm smile.

“Don’t be shy, baby. My brother just wanna watch. Let’s give him something to remember when you come babysit for him next time.”

You blush, biting your lip and dropping your head. It can’t be happening. It feels like a weird wet dream. But you see this gorgeous weeping cock in your hand and your mouth salivates. And you would be lying if you said that you didn’t fantasize about Mr Miller bending you over his kitchen counter after your shift and fucking you senseless. So you bend down and kitten-lick Tommy’s fat tip. The man shamelessly moans and your pussy tingles at the sound.

You hear Joel’s groan as he must have a great view of your ass and pussy. The depravity of this situation makes your mind hazy and you arch your back wiggling your ass a little as you’re aching to be touched again. Your hand leaves Tommy’s balls which you were caressing and snakes down to your naked mound. You rub yourself there and then dip your fingers between your wet folds. A pathetic whimper escapes your lips muffled by Tommy’s cock and he twitches against your tongue stimulated by the vibrations.

“I think my naughty babysitter needs some attention, little brother,” Joel rumbles behind you and you hear a creak of the chair and his steps.

Parting from Tommy’s cock with a pop you turn your head and see Joel getting down on one knee next to you. You’re leaning on Tommys thighs, your elbows on his knees.

“You’ve been so good for my brother, sweetheart,” Joel says in a gentle voice, putting his hand on your back. You feel his calloused palm sliding down to your ass and then coming back up to your shoulder blades. “Has he made you come, baby?”

You nod your head staring up at him with slightly parted mouth. You still can’t believe you’re naked in front of the man you’re babysitting for and his brother. With the latter's precum on your lips.

“I’m a gentleman, Joel,” Tommy chimes in sounding offended. He glides his fingers along your neck, “Ladies always come first.”

Joel smirks and leans closer to your face not minding the stiff length of his brother just inches from you both and whispers in your ear, “Ya want another one?”

He presses his lips to your cheek and kisses you before traveling down to your jaw and neck. He grabs a fistful of your hair and holds you in place as he starts sucking a hickey into the delicate skin of your neck. You shut your eyes with a set of moans and tilt your head back for him.

“Don’t damage the goods, Joel”, Tommy jokes and the degrading remark sends you further into the depths of arousal.

“Please, make me come, Mr Miller,” you plead and both brothers seem to love it. Joel’s groaning against your neck while Tommy takes his cock from you and begins jerking his shaft.

Joel parts from you and you feel him gently pushing your head down. You follow his wordless command, lowering your face to his brother's crotch.

Joel guides you and when you open your lips he impales your mouth on Tommy’s cock.

“Yeah, just like that. Suck on it, sweetie, give my brother the best birthday present.”

Joel brushes the hair away from your face and watches you work Tommy’s cock for some time. His eyes are glued to your every move, every bob of your head, every swipe of your tongue around Tommy’s tip. The younger brother is holding your head on the other side and rhythmically raising his hips slowly fucking your mouth.

All this time Joel’s touch doesn’t leave you, he caresses your head, rubs your back and sides, until his hand snakes to your front and he grabs your breast and twitches your nipple. Your slick is dripping down your legs now and you can’t take it anymore.

With your lips still wrapped around Tommy’s cock you turn slightly to Joel and glance up at him. He’s panting and his half lidded eyes are clouded with arousal. He reads your expression and not being able to control himself any longer too, he orders, “Get up, sweetheart. But keep sucking.”

You do as you’re told placing your feet on the floor and standing up still keeping Tommy in your mouth. Joel gets up with a groan and walks behind you.

“Mr Miller’s gonna take good care of you, baby,” Tommy promises with a smirk and holds your arm to keep you steady in a new position. “Make sure she moans around my dick, bro,” he says louder and Joel hums in response.

“I know how to take care of a girl, little brother, don’t worry,” Joel quips, standing behind you as his clothed hard-on is pressed to your ass. You feel his fingers squeeze your cheeks and he gives you a light slap. You jerk and Tommy flinches, as your mouth moves on his cock a little too roughly. Joel chuckles and Tommy scolds him him,

“Be gentle, Joel, she’s got a mouth full of my cock.”

Joel laughs a little but his next movements are careful and soft. His big hands glide along your sides and down to your bottom again, rubbing your skin and making you clench around nothing. You wiggle your ass a little in invitation and he reads your signal.

“Look at her, Tommy. Can’t wait to be fucked by my fat cock while sucking on another dick… ahh..she’s gonna get a glowing recommendation from me.”

Both men laugh and you feel your pussy ache even more when they’re talking about you as if you’re not there and you place your feet further apart. “Ya wanna come on my cock, sweetheart, or my mouth?” Joel asks and you hastily part from Tommy and breathe out, “Cock, sir.”

“Fuck, baby,” Joel rumbles and you hear him unbuckling his belt and discarding it on the floor. You expect him to pierce you with his member any second now but you hear shuffling and then his warm lips kiss your pussy from behind. You gasp and Tommy smiles, gently pressing your head back down, “She’s like a little doe, so easy to spook.”

You lick the underside of the younger brother’s cock while Joel is behind you, peppering your pussy with open mouth kisses. Then his tongue slips between your folds and travels from your clit to your entrance. He spreads your pussy with his thumbs and your core burns with desire. You’re completely exposed, and you whine remembering that it’s Joel Miller who is about to make you fall apart while you’re blowing his brother. Joel’s movements are sure and effective and very soon your belly and thighs are trembling with an upcoming orgasm.

Mr Miller surprises you again when his tongue glides up to your asshole and he gives it a kiss after spreading your cheeks. You moan loudly not being afraid to be heard as the music is still blaring behind the closed door.

Tommy and Joel hear you well though and the oldest brother parts from your ass to lightly slap your cheek, getting your attention, “Ya like it, sweetheart? Will you let Mr Miller fuck your asshole with his tongue?”

“Yeah,” your whine, the sound muffled by cock. You roll your eyes in ecstasy and Tommy lifts your head by the hair a little to see the results of his brother’s actions on your face. Meanwhile Joel is licking your tight ring as his fingers rub circles on your throbbing clit. When he points his tongue at your little hole and starts poking it moving it deeper little by little you almost sob from the pleasure and lose your rhythm. You can’t concentrate on sucking any longer so Tommy pulls you off his cock.

“Hold it wide for me, baby” he commands, keeping you face above his red swollen tip and you do as you’re told, darting out your tongue. Your whimpers and moans fill the room accompanied by the squelching sounds of Tommy jerking his cock and Joel’s slurping on your tight hole.

Tommy’s eyebrows are furrowed and his gaze runs over your face, breasts and then your ass, being eaten out by his brother. The view takes him over the edge and he shoots his cum on your chin, lips and tongue. You close your mouth around his tip and drink everything he’s giving you. When Tommy pats your hand, you part from him and rest your head on his thigh, inches from his semi hard cock.

Joel gets up with a grunt and you finally feel his tip nudging at your dripping entrance. He impales you on his cock in one swift move and you scream when his tip hits your cervix. He’s big and your pussy aches trying to accommodate his thick length. You close your eyes and focus on the way his cock is gliding inside you, rubbing your sweet spot. A couple more thrusts and your whole body is shaking, ecstasy coursing through your veins, clit twitching and walls contracting. Your juices flow around Joel’s cock and he groans, “Yeah, good girl.. Fuck, squeeze Mr Miller’s cock.”

He begins thrusting into you vigorously and Tommy keeps you in place holding you tight while his brother starts pumping you full of his hot cum. Joel’s rough hands are gripping your hips leaving handprints on your skin while his cock is squirting seed deep into your pussy.

“Doing so good, baby,” Tommy coos at you, while you're nothing but a trembling shaking mess. He’s watching you both unravel and his cock twitches.

When your climax subsides and Joel stills and pulls out you fall on your knees between Tommys legs.

Both men help you up and Joel puts you like a rag doll on Tommy’s lap. You feel Joel’s cum leak out of you on his brother’s jeans.

You lean on the chest of the birthday boy resting your head on his broad shoulder, completely spent, drunk on endorphins and the depravity of what you’ve just done. Tommy lights up a cigarette as Joel gathers your clothes and boots and comes up to the two of you. He hands them to you and then caresses your cheek with a thumb giving you a warm smile,

“I’ll see you on Monday, sweetheart. Bring your costume.”

You smile back with a nod and he leaves.

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Thank you for reading!

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!💖

Tag list: @missannwinchester @harriedandharassed @bbyanarchist @nervousmumbling

I’d love to rec the fics that have been feeding my obsession with the Miller brothers combo! Check them out if you haven’t yet!♥️🥵

The Wrong Way @romana-after-dark

Leopard Print @toxicanonymity

Stuffing @toxicanonymity

At the Table @toxicanonymity

Liquid Gold @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Two Hands to Hold @gasolinerainbowpuddles

Too Depraved 4 TV @bonezone44

Smack My B*tch Up @milla-frenchy

[tyonfs]

lol is this a lil late n embarrassing buttt the road trip i was on was to houston and i visited an old friend that i reconnected with and honestly it was really refreshing. it made me and my mom really consider not moving away so 🤗im not moving! im staying in texas for the time being until i graduate then its off to grad school so two more years 🫡

that was the important news now to the bad news. my best friend recently got a boyfriend which is great good for her, i’m happy for her. but everytime she gets a bf she like.. flaunts him in front of me because she’s aware i’ve had my fair share of hookups and situationships and im ngl.. at some point i was a player! like she knows this and she’s always like bragging and it just makes me so uncomfortable. on top of that recently i’ve reconnected with a childhood friend that i didn’t know went to my school and you know it’s really great, her group of friends are amazing and they’re so sweet. because of that my best friend gets jealous of me hanging out with these girls like 😭😭 ?? it’s not high school girl..? it’s fucking college and if you want to act a certain way around me and hang out with people who talk shit about me then so be it!

recently i’ve been really bored so i did what any girl did and hopped back on hinge. tell me why some guy from HIGHSCHOOL hit me up and tried getting with me just to find out he has a gf like girl ?? 😭 get ur priorities straight speaking of men my friends are trying to set me up with this guy and make him my date to their sororities formal 😭😭. you know he is so fine and he’s my type 🙈 maybeeee

i feel like mentally im doing a lot better than i was in january, physically too like im just breezing living my life. again not that into kpop anymore lol i just haven’t listened to the music in like over 4 months i find that scary. i did read some fics last night tho, do not regret it one bit 🤗

how are you alice, any updates on that guy you said you were sorta taking to, that sounded exciting! how was your valentine’s day lovely! - 🎀

OMG YAY THATS SO NICE THAT YOU'RE NOT MOVING (i think this is a good thing right??) but shoutout to that friend you reconnected with for changing your mom's mind :') and here's to not having to pack Everything and take it to another house 🥳

oh that friend of yours..... :/ that's so icky of her ngl like yes let's be happy about the new relationship but no need to bring other ppl down bc of it !! and honestly .... i've met plenty of guys who have had plenty of hookups and situationships themselves but people only make a big deal out of it when a girl is that way :( don't think it's weird at all for a woman to know that she doesn't want to commit just yet like that's just you putting yourself first !! omg PLS her being mad about you hanging out with other friends gave me chilling high school flashbacks 😐 she does NOT get to be mad if she hangs out with people who talk shit about you like what?? (looking forward to karma coming her way cause!!)

WHYS HE ON HINGE WHEN HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND I HATEEE MEN OMG 😭 also i hope we get an update on this sorority formal guy 🤭 im glad you've been doing better now tho !! honestly i haven't been reading kpop fics (more in the hogwarts brainrot rn 😵‍💫) but it's so nostalgic sometimes even if you're not stanning groups atm

omg i self sabotaged 🏃‍♂️ focusing on myself!!! (i am terrified of commitment) but also this guy i Used to have a thing with hit me up a while ago (after literally leaving a store that we were both in after we locked eyes) and said he wants me back 💀 i was like LOL no and got back to my silly little pokemon game <3 also valentine's day was with the girls this year 🥰 it was really nice!! i also bought this cute heart-shaped top that i will be wearing exclusively for valentines >:)) how about you??

[spaceageloveblog]

Sometimes I reflect on my life, and my career especially, and wonder how I got to where I got. Why were my ambitions the way they were. That is, mediocre. Why didn't I dream bigger. I daydreamed, sure. But why no dreams that I pursued.

So I picture my life after having bigger ambitions as a teenager. Go to an elite college. Travel. Get an important job. Travel more. Go to an elite grad school. Get a more important job. Have a lot more money than I do now.

And then I watch this music video and remember why. I remember the person I was in August 1996. 17 years old. Working the minimal amount of hours at my dishwashing job so I didn't have to ask my parents for too much money. Bumming around most of the summer in our family's third car that I didn't pay for. About to start my senior year of high school, where I'd continue to get good grades, not try very hard, not do anything interesting academically or extracurricularly speaking. Never had a girlfriend. Never had sex. Never even made out with a girl. Biding my time until I'd head off to a mediocre state school a year later.

All I wanted was to be the sort of person that girls would be interested in, have normal situations, young person drama, girlfriend arguments, pregnancy scares, breakups. I wanted to party and be the kind of person cool people and girls wanted to be with. I really wasn't focused on doing anything interesting, doing anything that would warrant cool people and girls wanting to hang out with me. I was funny, that was my saving grace. People like hanging around with funny people. But I wasn't the kind of funny that got me girls. I just wanted to be in the game. I was game-adjacent, but I wasn't in the game.

The day after writing everything above, I heard Van Lathan on a podcast, giving advice to a guy wanting to lose weight, and he said the shame is what kills you. You need to let go of that. You can't wallow in that. You need to move forward. Focus on incremental steps toward where you want to go.

I never thought about the shame aspect. I grew up in a mediocre town. I was a little bit smart, a little bit funny, a little bit athletically inclined. But I sailed under the radar with a few Bs to end up ranked 4th in my class. Never leveraged my sense of humor to seriously pursue anything creative. Gave up on sports when I didn't make the high school baseball team. Just applied to mediocre state schools and went to the one that gave me the most scholarship money in a another mediocre city in my mediocre state. And I wonder why my career and my body are where they are now--good not great.

And I feel shame about that. Wasted potential or something. Just need to call it what it is and move forward.

I'm on a win streak healthwise--running, not drinking, stringing together a few weeks of reasonably healthy eating. Just keep adding steps.

And career wise, I finally made it to the interview stage of the next level job at my company, a big step. You usually don't get hired for the first one of these jobs you apply for, but I've been invited to the show. Regardless of how this goes, I need to keep the momentum going.

So that's what I need to focus. Not why 17-year-old me in August 1996 didn't choose the optimal trajectory according to the hindsight of 44-year old me in August 2023. I just need to take incremental steps in the right direction now.

But I do love that album though.

[sopxhiea]

Lush

Alfie Solomons X Reader

Summary: A month passes by: a month filled with her around his office, with her lingering touches and flirty looks and Alfie begins to realize that he has taken the devil herself out of her cage.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

“Bite your lip once more, I dare you.”

“Get in line, sweetheart.”

He had made his decision. And made it quick.

The room is quiet, nothing but the sound of cold wind seeping through the open windows. The inside of the apartment is scarcely decorated but there is flowers everywhere, some roses resting on the floor and some on the small table next to the lavish couch. The date and the occasion checks out while nothing moves inside.

It’s your place.

The you a month ago is a foolish girl, you realize. Someone who had hope for good things and perhaps miracles but not anymore. Although you think that maybe the way you had gotten a job and your own place had been a long-time wish granted. You don’t think much of it, just act and react to get through the days.

He’ll be here soon.

Without a cane in hand, you notice lately. He seems younger, acts like it too. He smiles more but you ignore the thought. He’s tough around the said bakery, shouts too much and is always angry but never with you. His eyes are softer, a little more merciful when you grace him with your presence, although it’s less often than he’d like.

The boarding school is in the other end of town, a bit too far to walk but his driver takes you sometimes. You find out his name is Ishmael, has a nice smile but he’s not a smooth flirt. You don’t comment on it, seeing as Alfie has done you a big favor and you find some sense in being good for a while.

But only for a while.

The game is still on, you’re sure it has never stopped, not when you and him are alone. You see it in his gaze, the hunger and the need to have you but you’re his employee now, someone under his wing and he’s not quite sure where that puts him. You know for a fact that he doesn’t give a single damn about employee and boss policy but it also has to do with the fact that you’re subdued around people since appearing out of thin air.

He doesn’t hate it.

Not exactly. He knows you have the upper hand behind closed doors, so much so that he’s ready to give you his life if you ask but around his employees, you act like there’s nothing between you and him. Little do you realize, the men don’t flirt too much and avert their gazes when you’re walking by and so you conclude that he has already spoken to them about not sparing a glance at you.

It doesn’t bother you as much anymore.

You still go to clubs but you don’t have to sneak out anymore, seeing as you have your own place. Men around are still hesitant, due to you being called ‘his girl’, although you’re sure that it’s the other way around since you’re the one who has him wrapped around your pinkie.

The horn outside is loud, so loud that it makes you want to scream but the neighbors don’t dare complain when they see the big black car with the scary boss in it. Far too scared to utter something as you get into the car and shoot him a smile.

The inside of the bakery is quiet, it’s a bit too early but you know he’s giving you day off tomorrow so you don’t complain. He settles in his office, sleeves rolled and the golden chain of his glasses reside around his neck. He smells all power and musk, some vanilla in his scent as Cyril walks around.

You still haven’t slept with him.

You came to close, too close last week when he had his hands under your skirt and was about to fuck you against the desk but gathered himself. You revel in the fact that it has been months and months of knowing you and yet, he still wants to be proper. You find yourself wanting him, just let him have you in the back alley of somewhere but you’ve perfected the art of covering up what you truly feel so he’s clueless.

Annabelle comes to visit every now and then, to see if you’re safe and checks your chest for bruises or possible hickeys but finds nothing other than small splinters on your hands. When she leaves, Alfie calls you over and carefully takes them out one by one, with a gentleness that seems foreign to him.

You clear your throat, wanting him to talk as you stand in his office, right in front of the door. You’re wearing a tight dress today and it makes him gulp when you take your coat off. His eyes don’t leave the paper for a solid minute, too afraid he’ll slip up and have you right there in his office in the early hours of the morning so he takes his sweet time composing himself and discarding his thoughts.

“Do you need anything?” you speak, a bit informal now that you see him on a daily basis. He’s still Mr. Solomons in front of the employees excluding Ollie, he’s Alfie in private.

Your Alfie.

You don’t grow attached, you repeat to yourself each night when you’re in the bath and the thoughts of his lips against yours find you. He’s a good kisser, you know that from first hand experience but it doesn’t surprise you anyway. He knows what he’s doing, as you find just how much he values your pleasure whenever he’s kissing you like there’s no tomorrow. 

But it takes him longer to pull himself together.

He’s getting more careless each time, greedier and certainly a lot more hungrier. His touches get deeper, his kisses turn into bites after a while and he’s panting, actually losing his breath, when he feels your naked skin against his each time you let him kiss your neck and collarbones.

You bite your lip while waiting for him to talk and at that same moment, he finds enough courage in his poor heart to look up to meet your eyes but the sight feels like a bullet wound and he falls short of breath, in the very early hours of the morning.

He’s fucked.

Ollie knows this, sometimes even mutters it under his breath and finds it far too amusing for his own good. The lad is not blind and he knows Alfie well enough to point out certain things.

Things like how his mood shifts in the best way possible when you’re around, or how he fights a smile each time you enter his office. It takes Ollie a while to realize these since he’d thought of Alfie as a lone soul but he realizes, soon enough, that Alfie no longer wants to keep that status.

Alfie gulps and realizes you’re not even biting your lips as a seductive act but it’s too late. You catch his gaze and immediately catch on, far too smart for your own good, Alfie thinks. You offer him a slow raise of your eyebrows and you lick your lips once more, although he’s too focused on the entire image of you.

He clears his throat and you bite your lip, too aware of the effect you have on him.

“Bite your lip once more, lass.. I fuckin’ dare you.” he speaks without measuring his own words but you don’t care. You’re used to the burly old man speaking to you this way.

A gentle smile graces your lips and he knows, he knows, you have already ruined him in many ways. He has been with his share of women but after you, he’ll be ruined for life. You’ve ruined the others for him, he thinks, there’ll not be another one for him.

You shake your head and speak in a gentler tone, far too gentle for him in this soft morning as he watches your lips move. “I asked you if you need anything from me. If not, I’ll go to my office, sir.” The words left your mouth as you emphasized the last part and watched his eyes darken.

Ollie knocked on the door once and didn’t wait for the answer to come in.

The tension hung in the air, thick enough to go through it with a blade but the lad was already in. He looked at Alfie’s sitting form and you before repeating the motion again. Opening his mouth, he knew his boss was about to give him a load.

“Alfie, there’s a man who wants to talk to you.” he said, no apology for intruding as this was how men did things, with no manners.

You held the stack of papers against your chest as Ollie spoke and licked your lips, looking at Alfie the whole time. His eyes didn’t leave yours while Ollie spoke, only when he was done speaking did he direct his eyes to the lad. You thought he was either going to shout or go off on the lad but he did neither. He just spoke with a calm yet annoyed voice.

“That why you fuckin’ barged in ‘ere, aye?” he spoke, voice gruff as he sat behind his desk. 

Ollie was used to this, far too used to the harsh talk coming from his boss so it didn’t faze him nor you.

“He says he wants to speak about the shipment to the East side. He has lads with him, Alfie.” Ollie spoke, all in one breath and it was easy to see the glints of fear in his features. He was good at hiding it but after being around him for some time, certain things became recognizable.

Alfie looked at you first and then the lad. It was far too amusing, knowing he was afraid of something happening to you. You knew how to defend yourself and use a gun, a good one at that but the big boss was still adamant on protecting his pretty little secretary.

Before he could speak, a shout came from the corridor. A loud one that made Alfie reach for his gun and one that made Ollie close the doors to Alfie’s office but it made you laugh.

“Alfie Solomons!” the shout echoed, loud and clear.

It was much more than a shout after that, so many more loud noises that filled the bakery. The rest was quick, the way Ollie grabbed your arm and tried to grad you to the back side only to be stopped by Alfie.

There was another shout after that, much more vile and vulgar and it only made you smile. Men were animals when they were angry. The shout echoed through the now empty corridors and you listened, eyes on Alfie the whole time.

“Fuck you!”

You chuckled, a bit too taken back by the clearness of the message and uttered something under your breath, something that was accidentally audible for the rest of the room as you spoke. “Get in line, sweetheart.”

Ollie ignored the glint in Alfie’s eyes as you said but his eyes never left yours anyway. He reveled in the fact, would repeat the words to himself for the next month or so but he needed to take care of the animal outside of his office now, even though he’d make sure to bring your point up.

You offered Alfie a small smile in the midst of all of it and he would get back to you on it, just needed to deal with something beforehand. Ollie took you to the back side of the said bakery where there were more guns and better safety and told you to stay out.

And seeing as you wanted to stay alive, you did just that.

---------

There’s no blood on his shirt this time.

He looks angry, stale almost as he walks through the empty corridors. Something is bothering him, something that managed to actually hit a nerve. You stayed in the small back room, shoulder against the door frame as he walked towards you. 

The nerve had hit you.

You straightened as he walked, not stopping even he was too close into your personal space. His steps only altered when his nose almost pressed against yours. Contrary to what it looked like from the outside, this wasn’t a sign of affection.

He was livid.

Breathing through his nose, Alfie looked down at you while his breath hit your face. Ollie was on guard, he knew Alfie wouldn’t hit you but he wasn’t sure of anything at that exact moment.

“Who the fuck is Henry, lass?” he asked, voice calm as opposed to his flaring nostrils. 

He watched you panic, lose your calm all in one second right before his eyes.

Henry was not a nice man.

You had played this game with Henry too, somewhere along the line when you were much younger. He was one of those men who became obsessed with one thing: having you. He had hurt you, the scar on your inner thigh would vouch for that and soon after, he’d been arrested due to your uncle’s complaints. He never listened, though. You knew he was bound to show up but this was the worst possible time.

“He was....he was here?” you spoke, voice breaking in the middle of the sentence which said everything that needed to be said. Alfie took a step away from you, no longer in your personal space while he looked at you.

This fucker was about to get a beating.

He needed to know who he was and why he had been screaming around his damn bakery first, so he spoke. “Yeah, he was. Fuckin’ shoutin’ your name and everythin’.”  he said, still cautious.

“I thought he was dead.” you spoke with a hesitant voice and did not meet his eyes.

Ollie watched the whole thing, fully knowing he would meet this lad to end his life soon.

“He fuckin’ will be.” Alfie spoke and your eyes met his at last. 

This was a bad idea.

The games were all fun and all but you didn’t want someone to die because of you. Henry was a good choice but the most you’d done was a kick in the crotch and knowing he would be on the other side of the soil very soon because of you didn’t sit right with you. And you didn’t want extra blood on Alfie’s hands because of you, knowing he had plenty of it.

Ollie was long gone so you felt yourself walk a step closer to Alfie with attempts to calm down.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” you spoke, hand reaching for his upper arm and residing there. The touch was natural at this point, just another reminder he had dangling right in front of his face.

“What did he do to ya’?” he asked, and started placing things together.

You knew how to stitch wounds back together and did exceptionally well in situations that had immense amounts of blood and panic so it only made him think that you had suffered those things yourself and your calmness came from experience. 

You shook your head, more than ready to dismiss the whole thing now that he had asked that question. Your voice shook in the slightest as you spoke.

“Nothing...not too much I mean just-” He placed his finger under your chin and tilted your head so you had to look directly at his face as he stared down at you and spoke with a firm voice.

“Tell me, lass.” he spoke, his embrace magnetic as you stood close to the man.

Your eyes flickered between his own, a gulp present on your throat as you looked at him. You wouldn’t tell him now and he understood that soon afterwards. It was something that needed to be talked about later on, not now.

“Alright.” he said, getting the hint after you looked at him with nothing but a soft plea in your eyes. His hands clasped against the air and he spoke once again, Ollie also appearing around the corner of your eye.

“Up you go then.” Alfie said, climbing the stairs to his office behind you.

------

His hands were on you, quick too as they caressed your back. They would surely end up on your ass, squeezing and lightly slapping soon but you took your time while kissing him so he would remember the feel when you’d leave. His shin was right under yours as you straddled him on his big chair, you were sure Ollie had tried to come in a few times but realized what was going on.

This was the first time you were kissing him in his office this way.

You had earned the workers’ trust first and made friends with them, then you moved on to the next step which was screwing their boss. You had remained perfectly proper until now but they had all known that this was coming the first time you’d walked in as his little guest.

You broke the kiss but his hands didn’t let go of you, only recoiled around your arms and waist even tighter than before. You chuckled at the action, the protective big boss reluctant to let go of a thing half his size. You looked at his eyes as you spoke, lipstick no longer on your lips but more around his.

“You can kill him.” you said, out of breath and it took him a minute to snap back.

“What?” he said, gathering himself a little but his hand was still holding you in place by your waist. Your finger caressed his cheek, finding a napkin to get some of the lipstick off of him.

“Henry, I mean.” you said, face impossibly close to his and he realized that he was often finding himself inches away from your lips.

And for good reason.

“Lass, I’ve been fuckin’ kissin’ you for the past half an hour and that’s what you’ve been thi-” he spoke but you cut him off, still trying to wipe off some of the make up on his face as your hands held his head in place.

“No. Only for the last minute or so.” you said and watched his laugh which only made you smile in return but you kept speaking, you had been thinking of the terrible lad and you wanted justice to have its way.

“I’m just saying that you might even gain something from killing the bastard.” you spoke, as a matter of factly.

Alfie was a businessman and he was good to make deals with, so that was what you were doing.

You knew Henry had been disturbing some of the girls from your old school lately, Annabelle had told you so and a smaller girl had confirmed it. You had Alfie wrapped around your finger and so far, it had been proving to be very useful. The job and your own place were the first fruits of the harvest but this was bigger, this would impact other people’s lives for the better.

He raised his eyebrows at you and spoke, voice gruff as you sat on top of him. “How’s that, pet?”

“Get rid of him and you can ask one thing from me.” you spoke, getting up from his lap since he was distracted enough for you to be able to do that.

This was an in, an in you were giving Alfie and you’d never done that before, not with anyone and certainly not a gangster. It was usually the other way around, men owed things to you but the situation was different and you had grown slightly used to being around this man, so might as well give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Anythin’?” he asked almost immediately and you smiled, fixing your skirt and opening a window even though it was cold.

“Anything.” you said, too soft for his poor heart and he smiled at your words.

Wheels turned in his head, a small smirk apparent on his plump lips as he watched you close the door to his office after walking out. He knew you’d be the death of him but at this point, he couldn’t find it in himself to care in the slightest. He enjoyed the old game of push and pull and screamed for Ollie the minute you were out the door.

He wouldn’t ask for sex, he knew that had its time.

He’d ask for something much better but first, he had to get rid of the poor bastard.

----- 

Tagging: @clairecrive  @parkbearum @sourirez  @vetseras @mollybegger-blog @babylooneytoonz @peakascum @fuseburner @r-rose08 @innerpaperexpertcloud @caffinated-tree @cathartichaoss  @ihavefandomsssss @thatchickwiththecamera @sugarcoated-lame @alainabooks143​ @enrapturedbythemoon​

a/n: I hope you like this one!! I think i’ll have a few more chapters out and see how things go but do let me know what you thought of it <3

[carlosxhook]

The Law Of Total Madness ~ H.H

Pairing: Harry Hook x Reader (yes I wrote Got7 into this sue me) + (please don’t I’m broke 🤦‍♀️)

Y/N’s P.O.V

Being Chad Charming’s twin sister was an interesting occurrence, Ben being your best friend for your whole life and growing up around Chad expectation of the perfect sister was exhausting this was where you found your love for singing and dancing thanks to Ben. He also introduced you to your other best friend prince Yugyeom originally from Jypnation and 6 other his friends who made music together the 8 of you were always glued together, you stuck together and turns out it was good for you to get away from Chad he may of been your brother and yes you loved him but god was he unbearable! Even better the 8 of you talk in korean to confuse anyone trying to ease drop Princess love to be some nosey bitches, you were a hip hop dancing, princess role breaking rebellious free soul and Chad HATED that. Perhaps the icing on the cake was that you were secretly dating a Scottish pirate, the only son of Captain Hook, the love of your life Harry Hook. It happened when you and Ben were kidnapped with Ben after convincing him you should go with him for “protection” when really you just wanted to wag chemistry class they kept you and Ben seperate and you and Harry ended up in a long make out session about 15 minutes before the most epic battle you’d ever witnessed, Ben announced that after 6 months since Dizzy, The Twins and Celia came to auradon that 3 more vks would be coming over! Hoping it would be Harry, Uma and Gil you talked to Gil while ‘kidnapped’ you two were close it was nice he seemed genuinely like a good guy, it was nice that he’s loyal to his crew and today was the day they were to arrive. Ben, Chad, Mal, Carlos, Jay, Evie, Doug and I were all gathered around waiting for them to show them around and such, the limo pulls up and all three vks get out my chest gets tight thinking about seeing him again yeah we starting “being a thing” very quickly but I liked him a lot I knew that much “Welcome to Auradon” Ben smiles “Try not to break anything” Chad snarls and I smack him over the head earning a deep chuckle from Harry as he smirks at me “it’s very colourful here” Gil smiles he’s too pure omg “well I would love too stay and help but I promised NaNa I’d be at practice 10 minutes ago, it was lovely too see you all again.” I wave before running off towards the school dance hall and quickly issuing magic to get changed into a red crop top and some high waisted black shorts with black converse, damn I was too cute for my own good sometimes, poor Chad never got any magic my parents had me enchanted when I was little so I could protect myself.

Harry’s P.O.V

“I apologise for Princess Y/N’s departure she’s preparing for a very important event and competition as a representative for Auradon, if any of you need her she’s typically in the dance hall!” Ben hints looking towards me it’s not like her and I were seriously anyways, yeah I liked her, a lot but I’d barely say I thought about her. That’s a lie everyday that stupidly gorgeous girl plagued my mind and she just runs off before I can have her in my arms again, how selfish? Does she even still care about me, about us, we had a connection fuck I knew feelings and l..l...lov that l word made you weak, how pathetic I thought I had a happily ever after.

We go through the entire of auadorn and finally reach the Dance Hall we hear loud music coming from within and I peek in seeing Y/N practicing “let’s watch!” Ben opens the door and we stand at the back my eyes fixated on the gorgeous girl dancing her heart out, “she’s gonna win” Chad laughs at Gils proud statement “please who does she think she is this isn’t the isle she should be in a castle or locked in a tower” Chad snorts “I’m sorry say that again Princey” I growl “cool it” I hear Uma whisper “you wanna get found out huh” she follows. “He’s an ass” I mutter focusing back on the events in front of me Y/N walking towards us with a big smile “what did you think?” She asks as her sparkling eyes meet mine before Chad can even open his mouth I reply “Ye did very good indeed” winking at the now blushing princess “anyways” she chirps “we need 3 more female dancers to back up Yugyeom and I’s duo for the competition, because as much as I’d love too see Jackson, Mark and BamBam in skirts with wigs and heels... I don’t wanna frighten the audience” she giggles looking behind her at the 7 boys now making their way over once they reach us the throw Y/N a questioning look before speaking in what I can only assume in another fucking language.

Y/N’s P.O.V

I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss Harry I did and as much as I wanted to run into his arms and breathe in his scent and glory I know I can’t, I lean over to Uma to get closer to Harry “Hey Uma, I don’t know if ben told you but we are sharing a room, I’m barely ever in my dorm so don’t worry I won’t bother you!” I smile and she just scoffs she’s not the biggest fan of me I mean she did kidnap Ben and I after all, I couldn’t blame her though the Isle was shocking I would wanna get out too I am kinda thankful cause of it I found Harry. That was if he still even liked me, I heard from Mal he’s a player and no good that he flirted with anything that moved I mean one of the old exchange students Nana did that too, and he was harmless I was just hoping Harry’s flirting was too.

“Yugyeom, can we finish I wanna show em to the dorms?” I smile to the fluffy haired boy sweat dripping down his white shirt making it slightly see through “only this once ya, usually I’m the one to try cut practice shorty” he laughs “sweet, don’t forget we go all day tomorrow with the boys!” I point to our 6 other friends and wave shooting them a wink before turning around seeing everyone but the pirates had left “well I’ll shall show you to your rooms I guess” I lead the way to the dorms it’s a bit awkward and the silence burns.

“So Y/N” Gil cuts the air “what’s this competition?” He smiles coming and placing an arm around me I hear Harry growl but I just let Gil rest his arm on me “well it’s a multi-kingdom performance competition, we must sing and dance and the winner’s kingdom hosts a massive party and a heap of important musical performers come for all necks of the woods too play and come watch!” I smile getting excited just thinking about it “Yugyeom and I have a duo, I have a solo and so does he, then a boy group performance and then a girl group performance if we win 3/5 of the categories Auradon will host its first ever K fest, it’ll be amazing!” I stop abruptly “our duo performance is gonna be the best we’ve ever done, and we’ve done a lot” I chuckle “anyways this is the boys dorm 701 Gil and Harry are here and then just down the all at 690 is where Uma will be if y’all need her. Your belongings will be inside for you if you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask” I turn around and walk to my room Uma in tow “so Y/N, been a while huh?” She laughs “indeed it has, how’re you feeling about all this?” I ask pointing around “it’s where I’ve always wanted to get my crew, I got Gil and Harry here, now I need to work on the rest” I see a glint of sadness in her eyes “I’m only really here because I care about those boys and they don’t deserve to rot on an island, yeah they’re dicks and trouble but they’re loyal to me so I am loyal to them, they fight for me so I fight for them. Always!” I was shocked Uma was really caring I didn’t expect this side of her “I’m only telling you this because I know you and Harry are a thing” she pays my back “wait we still are?” I ask hopeful “yeah, the moment he gets you alone he’ll be all over you like a hungry wolf, watch ya back” she laughs I take a deep breath “thank you Uma I wasn’t sure he even still knew me” I lay on my bed and my stomach grubmles “girl you’re so busy dancing you don’t eat” Uma scolds “come on” she grads my hand “were getting you some food!” Running out the door she takes me too the kitchen and starts making food “I used to have make chips all the time at the shop, so hopefully Auradon sir makes them taste better than the grubby isle ones” she scoffs “Uma, can I ask something?” I nervously fiddle “sure princess what’s up?” She says cutting up potatos “Did Harry’s father ever abuse him?” She seems taken aback “it’s just I remember telling Harry I’d stay behind he just had to pretend he had me at sword point, and he said he’d never even pretend to do such a thing because he wasn’t his father.” I wipe a few tears I was confused was Harry harmful “Harry gets his father’s temper or therefore lack of, he had outbursts, I’m sure he’ll still have them, yes to put it shortly his father before he was in the crew would often abuse him. But it wasn’t uncommon, not in the isle love is a weakness.” “Then am I weak for loving him no matter what Uma” why was I even opening up to her “no because I think you could be good for him, just don’t turn him” she jokes “or I’ll use this” she holds her shell out “yes captain!” We laugh. “Maybe finally having a roommate won’t be so bad aye” I smile as she cooks Uma might actually be a really great friend and she knows more about Harry than anyone else maybe Hook and I could work.

*The Next Day*

“Those boys I swear are always late” I mutter to no one in particular “now what’s a gorgeous girl like you doing standing ‘ere all alone?” My heart jumps hearing his voice again “Hi Harry” I turn around smiling “ye know isle got boring without a princess to kiss” she smirks “is that so, awe Harry did you miss me” I joke about he moves closer “believe me or not love, I actually did. Let’s say you left a bit of a mark on me so to speak” I giggle “now come here babe” I pull him in for a long and heated kiss “Lovely doing business with ye princess” he smirks spinning around and walking out. What the actual fuck was that, what is he playing at I’m not just some toy, I turn on the music and start dancing to Bonnie & Clyde by Dean nothing can distract me not even Harry.

Harry’s P.O.V

I fucked it up I panicked and played fuck boy player again the confident fascade is what I’m know by I must keep it up, show no emotion, no weakness. Sorry princess. It’s just how I am.

I walk to uma’s room and knock on the door “yeah what” I hear her shout “it’s me” and like that the door flies open “Where’s Gil?” She questions “running round with Jay apparently they’re besties or whatever I’m just letting the dog loose” I plop myself down on the princess’ bed “geez Auradon beds are comfy” I sigh “I don’t think your little girlfriend would appreciate your smelly leather and metal scent over her sheets” Uma jokes “not me girlfriend” I point out “I’d watch it if I were you then, she gushed on about that Yugyeom boy for a very long time, of she ain’t yours surely she’ll be his I mean they’re never not together.” As if on cue in walks Y/N “Hey Uma did you see where I put my tablets, the ones with the orange jar, I’ve got a massive headache.” She rubs her head still unaware I’m laying on her bed “yeah left hand side of the bathroom counter top” she smiles did I miss something what are they all of a sudden so... friendly...

“Thank you so much oh and by the way I’ll be back late tonight so don’t wait up I’ll sneak in, Yugyeom and I have to rehearse til late cause Ben wants to come watch us and make sure it’s all good” I watch as she leaves then I close my eyes and drift off too sleep surprisingly.

“Harry wake up omg” I hear as I open my eyes too see Uma standing above me “what?” I ask rubbing me eyes then picking up me hook “get off of Y/N’s bed and wake up she’s gonna be here soon” she scoffs “surely she wouldn’t mind a handsome looking lad in her bed waiting for ‘er” I laugh.

Y/N’s P.O.V

“Ben I don’t really understand?” I question “you want us... to kiss?” I point between Yugyeom and I “yes the chemistry is there I’m telling you it’s the winning touch, the performance is so dynamic it just needs the big ending, it’ll leave everyone shocked, stunned and more importantly it shows how well you work together.” The king smiles “are you sure this is a good idea?” He’s gone crazy completely mad oh this is not going to end well “let’s call it a day you two need to eat and back again tomorrow for more practice” Ben smiles holding the door open for us both, “he’s not serious right Y/N” Yugyeom whispers “I hope he’s not, but something tells me he is, it’s fine gyu we are the best this is nothing!” I smile placing a hand on his shoulder “what about that boy?” He asks in a small voice “we aren’t dating he made that very clear, who cares this is our dream we are so close!” I smile side hugging him and briefly laying my head on his “fighting!!” I smile before grabbing his hand and walking to my dorm he always walks me to the door of my room when we practice late “Thanks Yugyeom!” I smile “let’s work hard tomorrow!” I hug him really tightly saying goodbye and open the door to find Uma working on something and Harry asleep on my bed “I don’t remember ordering a strange man in my bed, Uma I think this ones for you.” I point to the pirate passed out on my bed “he’s been like that for hours, I don’t think he’s sleeping at night” Uma shrugs “I’ll be back I have to go try round up Gil watch the scot” I laugh before going to change clothes in the bathroom I walk out no more than 10 minutes later and he’s still there snoring away. “Harry I told you if you were struggling to come find me” I play with his hair and carefully remove the hook placing it right next to my bed I grab the spare blanket from the cupboard and put it over him and when I go to walk away I hear “Please, just stay with me love” he says almost way too soft “I’ll explain later just please” I notice he’s shaking must be nightmares or ptsd “it’s okay Harry I’m right here, I’m always gonna be okay” I smile placing a soft kiss on his forehead and jumping into the free slither of bed he’s left much for my surprise he moves and pulls me close with his arm around my stomach before I know it I’m fast asleep.

Harry’s P.O.V

I woke up and there she was in my arms and it felt right, it felt like nothing could ruin this moment until once again I panicked I’m not used to feeling this I grab my hook and leave her all alone, pangs if guilt hit me but I ignore them I’m a pirate the best one I don’t need feelings they make you weak and I will never be weak. I will make my father proud he will call me his son and I’ll finally have a family, I don’t need some stupid princess to distract me.

Y/N’s P.O.V

I woke up alone in my bed with nothing left but the memory and slight scent of metal and the ocean, or was it leather? Doesn’t matter now he used me again and I let him, I need to watch myself no distractions that would discredit all of Yugyeom and I’d hard work I’m letting Harry ruin this for me. That being said another day another practice T-minus 1 week until we gotta rock this competition he’s obviously gotta work himself else I ain’t here for his amusement ugh, today there’s a big school meeting where we perform some songs as a taster for the school and our sister school (team) Ateez High are sending over their recruits to perform, I can’t wait we have had these prepared forever so we got this in the bag.

{Might do a series on this one, kinda proud my first imagine for Harry Hook x Y/N reader I had to add something kpop okay just bear with me! Got a few requests so I’ll be getting right into them⚡️🤍}

[fycarmensandiego]

A chat with author Melissa Wiley

In 1996, HarperCollins published six Carmen Sandiego chapter books, featuring VILE villains from the then-current "Deluxe"/"CD-ROM"/"Classic" generation of computer games and a new lineup of Acme agents, headed by a Black female Chief (Lynne Thigpen ha impact), and focusing on kid detectives Maya and Ben.

The series included two books each by two writing teams and one solo act, Melissa Peterson. I got in touch with Melissa, who now uses the pen name Melissa Wiley, and she graciously answered some questions about writing the Carmen books and beyond.

To get you caught up to my knowledge before the interview, here's Melissa's website, and here's her bio as printed in the two Carmen books (accompanied by the caricature above):

Melissa Peterson is the author of several books for young readers. Born in Alamogordo, New Mexico, she has lived in eight different states and visited Germany and France. She has never ridden a dolphin, but she did eat a great deal of sour cherry ice cream outside the cathedral in Cologne. [Note: These are both references to plot points in Hasta la Vista, Blarney.] Her research for Hasta la Vista, Blarney included many hours playing Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? An official ACME Master Detective, she lives in New York City with her husband and young daughter.

FYCS: Thanks so much for agreeing to this interview.

Melissa Wiley: What a fun blast from the past! The Carmen books were my first professional writing gig and I had so much fun working on them.

That's so exciting to hear! With that being the case, how did you get involved with the books?

I was an assistant editor at HarperCollins, working for the wonderful Stephanie Spinner. I started out as her editorial assistant at Random House right after grad school and moved to Harper with her a year later, shortly after [my husband] Scott and I got married. Stephanie knew that I wanted to be a writer, and she often sent in-house writing assignments my way (lots of cover copy). When I left Harper in 1995 to have a baby, Stephanie recommended me for several book assignments, including the two Carmen Sandiego novels. That project had been underway for several months—Harper was doing a tie-in with the game and TV show. There were six books in total; two were assigned to me and four went to other writing teams [Ellen Weiss and Mel Friedman, and Bonnie Bader and Tracey West]. I often joke that I got my first modem, my first baby, and my first book deal in the same month!

I loved working with my Carmen Sandiego editor, Kris Gilson. The two books were a blast to write and a great learning opportunity for me. Ellen Weiss remains a good friend of mine. She's a true gem of a person!

Have your experiences writing the Carmen books influenced your work since then?

With Carmen, I discovered how much I love writing humor. Before that (in grad school), my poems and stories were on the serious side. I had so much fun with the playful, sometimes goofy tone of the Carmen Sandiego books that I definitely shifted afterward to more of a focus on humor in my books. I still find writing from a place of playfulness to be my most satisfying kind of work.

Were you familiar with Carmen Sandiego before writing the books?

I loved the computer game! I'd seen several episodes of the show—it's all a bit blurry now and hard to say which I encountered first—and really enjoyed it, but I especially loved the game. Instant classic!

How much guidance did you receive from HarperCollins / Brøderbund? Were the plots your own, or were you given plot outlines?

We were given the basic descriptions for the two kid detectives, and I had a couple of meetings with the editors and the other writers to flesh out the characters a bit more—give them personalities. I don't think Mel was in the meetings, but Ellen was there, and Tracey and Bonnie.

Then I wrote outlines for my two books and the other writers outlined theirs. I was assigned one "Where in the World" mystery and one "Where in Time" mystery. I think I submitted several plot ideas for each—the big challenge was thinking up interesting objects for Carmen and her henchmen to steal. The Blarney Stone and cocoa beans were my favorite ideas and I was thrilled that they got picked!

How did you research the books?

Those were AOL days, and the web wasn't yet a place for intensive research, so I spent a lot of time in the library. For The Cocoa Commotion, I conducted phone interviews with staff members at the Hershey chocolate factory—lots of fun. But I never did get to visit the Blarney Stone!

What was your favorite part of working on the books?

Researching the history of chocolate! Naturally I had to do a lot of sampling in order to describe it properly. ;)

Your author bio in the books mentions that the scene in which Maya and Ben eat sour cherry ice cream in Cologne, Germany was inspired by an actual experience of yours. Did any other experiences of yours make it into the books? Have you had any other travel experiences that notable? (Note: I'm originally from Northern Michigan, so travel experiences involving tart cherries are a high bar to clear for me.)

Ohhh, that sour cherry ice cream! I hope I get to taste it again someday. Apart from eating a lot of chocolate, I can't remember any other personal experiences that informed the books. If I were to write one today, I'd make sure to set a scene in Barcelona. My husband and I spent a week there in 2008 and it was an incredible trip. The paella! The Gaudí buildings! Art on every corner! I'd love to go back someday.

The bio also features a caricature of you with your baby daughter...

That drawing was made by the brilliant comic book artist Rick Burchett, who was working with Scott on Batman comics at the time. Scott was an editor at DC Comics and Rick was one of his favorite artists to work with. When I needed a bio illustration for the Carmen Sandiego books, we commissioned Rick to draw it. I love that piece so much! The baby is my oldest, Kate, who was born right around the time I started working on the books. We still have the original art!

You've written over 20 children's books for a variety of ages, in a variety of genres. Do you have any favorites among them?

That's so hard to say—I'm fond of all of them and I dearly loved creating worlds and adventures for Charlotte and Martha in my Little House prequels—but The Prairie Thief and The Nerviest Girl in the World are extra-special to me. I grew up in Aurora, Colorado and had a summer job at a wildlife refuge on the prairie, a landscape that served as the setting for Prairie Thief. I loved getting to weave secrets into the prairie setting that means so much to me.

Your most recent book, The Nerviest Girl in the World, was published last August. Can you tell us a bit about why you wrote it?

I lived for 11 years in La Mesa, California, a small town just outside San Diego. While I was there, I learned that in the very early days of silent film, there had been a film studio in town. Eventually the studio moved to Santa Barbara, but it was exciting to discover that before Hollywood was the center of the American film industry, little old La Mesa was a moviemaking place. I began reading everything I could find about the studio, and when I learned that many of the cowboys in those early Westerns were real cowboys and ranchers, an idea for a book began to take shape—the story of an adventurous girl who stumbled into work as a daredevil film actress along with her cowboy brothers.

Of course, I'm legally compelled to ask the question that literally every interview currently includes: how has the pandemic changed your job?

LOL! Yes, it's the question right now, isn't it! Well, I've worked at home since the Carmen Sandiego days, and I homeschool my kids, so in the biggest ways our lives weren't hugely affected by the shutdown. But I used to do a lot of my writing in cafés, and I miss that like crazy! I had to think up all sorts of new strategies for staying focused at home this past year. I'm hoping to get back to the coffee shops this summer!

Something I found really interesting is that you have a Patreon, which you explain you started to help pay for medical bills. How has that experience affected your work as an author?

I've played with lots of kinds of content on Patreon and really enjoy having a space to share behind-the-scenes stories. It's a more intimate and personal space than social media, so I feel free to let my hair down and be really frank.

Thanks so much for these fantastic questions! I had so much fun reminiscing about the Carmen Sandiego adventure!

[laynemorgan]

I'm sure you've already provided it, but I'd be curious to hear your road to becoming a staffed writer. What first got you interested in it? Does it go back to school days?

Man it goes back far. I mean, I guess in some ways it doesn't. Since you asked more about what got me interested in where it goes back to, I'll give you the lest technical and more biographicl explanatin. My first goal was just to become a writer. I've been writing since I was a really little kid. I actually recently found journals from like the elementary and middle school days just filled with them. And it was never small scale, I'd always be planning out the whole fucking setting, how all the characters were connected, full universes. I made a fake fantasy. land in my backyard because my parents live on a lot of land. I called it Teleterania. I remember very little about it besides that that was the name hahah but I did do it!!! Everything I read only made me want to write. Everything I watched made me want to write.

Sometime around late middle school and early high school, I started watching more TV. I found soap operas and was OBSESSSED with their flare for drama. I found BTVS, Charmed, Smallville, Veronica Mars, OTH, etc. And all of those shows really got me actually looking at TV in a way I had never before. I got obsessed with their worlds and into their fandoms. I became the liek TV guy in my high school. There was even a group of girls I never got to really hang out with that would always call me over to their table to ask about what I knew about OTH stuff hahaha and 17 year old me thought that was awesome. Before my sister passed away, she and I took a road trip down to North Carolina to tour the One Tree Hill set. OTH was like the one thing that she and I agreed on. And it was so awesome. For me it was a first look at what the industry actually looked like, to see the sets and what went into it and all of that.

But I don't think my eyes really opened to actually WORKING in tv until college. I went to school for English Lit and Creative Writing in New Hampshire. My school had a great writing program and I was right at home there. i still credit my first writing professor who was only a grad student for really teaching me what I know about writing and editing and reading my own work for error and she passed me on to her favorite professor which was a hugely flattering moment for me. AND THEN -- I fell in love with PLL. And for me, that was really where shit started. I didn't realize it at the time and it wasn't even the show that did it it was what the show showed me. Through my tumblr at the time which had very little to do with fandom, I actually wound up running into Patrick Adams and Troian Bellisario. We all were always sharing each other's posts and at the time I was working for a journalist covering random TV out of a shitty free magazine in Boston doing work for peanuts. But I was going out to LA to meet up with a friend and we all decided to meet for lunch and they let me interview them for my magazine and stayed really rad people. They also helped boost my PLL photo recaps which I was doing at the time and those got the attention of the Director, Normal Buckley who asked me out to coffee and talked to me about my goals and what I was doing. He was the person who first really helped me understand that there's an approachability to the TV world that to me had always been this like magical hollywood bubble I didn't understand.

I went home THRILLED about LA, dropped out of college and set out to go to film school. From there, I hated film school because it was too technical adjacent, dropped out again, spent all the money I had on that move twice, and went home to boston broke and lost. I spent two years after that maybe more saving money, working in fandom, and waitressing while I went back to college online. That era wasn't super writing focused but it's where I found myself. I realized I was queer, I came out, I got into tumblr rpg, I met my fandom friends, I found tumblr fandom in a way I hadn't before. And then a couple years later I found tl100.

From there, the rest is kind of wonky. I had a big fan blog for the show and talked a lot about it on my twitter which lead me to many interactions with the writers who then invited me to dinner at comic con one year. I had a long talk with Shumway abut my goals and what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I wanted to be in TV somehow. I knew I wanted to be in writing somehow but I couldn't figure out how those two things aligned. I was doing a lot of journalism and critic stuff because that felt like the clsoest way to be both a fan and workin in the world I loved but it was really Kim and Shawna that opened my eyes to the ability to just .... be a TV writer. Film school had made me terrified of the wrtiing side but I think it was because film school was so much more about writing for film which I learned isn't my thing. But TV is a writers' medium, unlike film which is more fo a directors medium and suddenly I was like -- MIND BLOWN. It was everything I wanted in a career and married all of the things I loved. It was something that had previously felt like unattainable but they made it seem human and approachable.

They helped me get my first WPA job, I saved up 3 grand working and with the help of some friends and moved to LA to start that. And suddenly I was in a whirlwind of catching up on everything I felt like I had missed. I was reading scripts, learning what the process looked like, doing everything I coudl to figure out what being a TV writer looked like. After that job, I got another WPA job at Millar Gough on Into the Badlands and later Shannara.

THEN I got hired on Daybreak which I can fully credit with being a huge stepping stone for me and changing my life in a lot of ways. Aron was the best showrunner. He was educational and he taught us shit, he let us in the room, he let us write stuff, he let us pitch and try and fall on our faces and never judged us for it. My second season there he moved me up to writers assitant and patiently walked me through all the stuff I didn't know yet because he had faith in me and my voice and my ideas. He let me writ e afreelance episode that year and pitch it in the room and do all the things that real w riters get to do.

So after Daybreak season 2 got cancelled I was pretty ready to spend my next year or two just writing, finding an agent and moving forawrd. And then I got an email to go and work for Moira Walley Beckett. She was looking for an assistant with serious room experience to help develop something in a small room and stay on with her later. I took the job becuase she's MOIRA and I was stoked to learn from her and work for a woman for once. I ernded up very fortunate becuase a month later we were all surprised by the covid mess and I was fully employed that whole year while many people weren't which was a huge help. Moira was a STELLAR boss. I had thought I was ready and what she taught me was that ther's always so much more to learn. She walked me through the process of applying notes and taking notes and changing draft after draft of your story. SHe walked me through breaking a whole season of television. We had a great partnership for the year and I'm so grateful. And then that project didn't end up seeing hte light of day and we our separate ways as well.

Cut to a few months ago, I was still at home in Boston, post-covid, having been sick for most of january. My friend Rachel dared me to write a spec in a weekend for the Warner Bros fellowship deadline. So I did. It was a Legacies Spec. Given that we didn't have access to the WGA library because of the pandemic, Legacies was an easy and obvious choice. I had already seen it inside and out and didn't need as much access to learning a show from scratch. So I wrote what I loved, wrote a season 2 legacies spec that embraced my favorite things about legacies: the high school soap of one tree hill, Lizzie doing wild dialogue, buffy-esque monsters, and themes of grief and humanity.

AND THE REST you know.

Here we are. I'm still lost as fuck. I'm still running full speed through a world I don't always feel like I"m ready for. I'm still a perfectionist and an obsessive overworker. I still take notes I don't need to take and do work at 10pm and come in early and stare at the story boards. There's a whole journey in all of this about representation and coming to find myself and queer media and wanting to make more of it but that's one I don't feel like I can fully get into until I'm decades out of it and the world is truly made better. But I'm here. And it feels like the end of a journey and liek I'm standing at the edge of a brand new clif because I've only just started.

[homeformyheart]

the perfect gift (part 2) - noah harris x mc (mtfl)

author’s note: part 2 in the sequel/follow-up to first choice. there are mentions of the crimson veil, the club owned by priya lacroix from bloodbound, danni from it lives beneath and justin mercado from save the date as a friends/classmates of emma’s.

copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. song lyrics belong to their respective artists. series/pairing: my two first loves - noah harris x mc (emma price) cross-series references: danni asturias (it lives beneath); justin mercado (save the date); the crimson veil (bloodbound) rating/warnings: 18+; smut between 🔥⚡ and ❄💧 icons word count: 6.3k based on/prompt: club scene visuals inspired by the songs “jealous” by nick jonas and “shape of you” by ed sheeran summary: emma spent months carefully planning noah’s 21st birthday gift and drove up to surprise him at hartfeld for the weekend, but things go south after a big fight makes them both reevaluate their relationship after three years together. 

read first choice to learn how they got together in the first place.

read part 1.

the perfect gift (part 2)

emma rubbed her eyes sleepily as she fumbled around her nightstand for her phone so she could turn off the blaring alarm. she got in late the night before after driving all night from hartfeld and collapsed on the bed, grateful that she was at least so physically exhausted that she fell asleep right away instead of being kept up by the emotional rollercoaster of that night. she turned off the alarm and checked the time. it was already noon and she did not want to spend all day in bed feeling sorry for herself. she also noticed she still had no new messages or missed phone calls from noah, but he was likely still sleeping off all the alcohol he drank the night before.

after a very long shower, emma stood in front of her bathroom mirror, taking stock of how puffy her eyes looked. her phone started ringing from the room and she hurried out to answer it. she felt a slight twinge of disappointment when she saw that it was her friend and photography grad student danni and not noah, but she answered it. she had forgotten they agreed to grab lunch after she told her about what happened as she was heading back from hartfeld. she was going to have to rush if she was going to make it to the restaurant in time.

emma plopped into the booth across from danni and gave her friend a tired smile. danni gave her a sympathetic smile. “you look like crap.”

“thanks,” emma replied sarcastically, quickly scanning the menu and putting her order in. “i’m just annoyed with myself. i have every right to be upset with him and i should be mad. but instead i just feel…” she bit her lip. “worried.”

danni took a bite of her burger and chewed thoughtfully. “that makes sense. you still care about him and love him. one fight isn’t going to change that overnight. but haven’t you guys argued about this before? maybe you need to reconsider the long-distance thing. i don’t like seeing what this does to you.”

emma nodded, forcing herself to eat the food in front of her. “yeah, but something feels different this time. usually he texts or calls right away but i haven’t heard from him. i just don’t know if he meant what he said last night or not. and whether it’s over and even worth talking about.”

“look, emma, i get that he’s your high school sweetheart and you guys have been together for a long time. but what he did last night was uncalled for and you should definitely not reach out to him first. he needs to own up to what he did first,” danni said with a sigh.

“you’re right. i know you’re right, but… it’s his 21st birthday today,” emma said softly, looking at her phone longingly at the photo of her and noah on her lockscreen.

danni snatched up emma’s phone from the table. “okay, here’s the plan. you get to send him one happy birthday text. just one. then you’re blocking his number for the rest of the day and going out with me tonight. we’ll go shopping for the perfect club outfit and we are going to be single ladies living it up tonight, just leave it all to me.”

emma knew better than to protest when danni doled out orders like that and she was too physically and emotionally exhausted to care. so when danni gave her the phone back, she sent a simple happy birthday text and blocked noah’s number. she could assume they were broken up for tonight, right?

* * * * * after buying the “perfect clubbing outfit,” grabbing a quick bite, and taking a long nap, emma stood in front of her reflection in the bathroom mirror, taking note of the dark circles under her eyes that she would need to cover up. she carefully applied gold on top of the violet shadow on her eyelids before lining both with a subtle smoky eye. the gold and violet would bring out the warmth of her form-fitting, dark red, off-the-shoulder, short-sleeve dress had a sweetheart neckline and fitted corset that definitely accentuated her curves. the dress went to her mid-thigh but had a wide slit up her left thigh. she pulled on her black leather stiletto boots, a pair of dangling leaf-shaped gold earrings, and swiped on a coat of matte red lipstick. she carefully styled her long, balayage dyed hair into a side fishtail braid.

even she had to admit, this look was perfect. she hoped she wouldn’t have to be outside for too long in the not-quite-winter autumn night chill since she wasn’t about to bring a coat to a club.

her phone buzzed with text notifications from danni:

[danni: hey, you ready yet? justin says he can sneak us in without IDs but only if we get there by 9:30!]

emma typed out a quick reply before double-checking she had what she needed in her wristlet. she took one last look in the mirror, her gaze falling on the small heart and “N” pendant nestled on a silver chain that she always wore around her neck. noah had given it to her as a birthday gift two years ago. without giving it a second thought, emma unclasped the necklace and left it on her nightstand before locking the door behind her as she headed out.

* * * * * noah pulled up in the visitor parking lot, which happened to sit between the drop-off roundabout and emma’s dorm building, and took off his helmet. the drive took a couple hours longer than usual, between the usual rest stops and extra stops he needed to make whenever he felt too nauseous or sleepy. it was already dark by the time he arrived and he ached all over. he took out his phone and tried to call emma to let her know he was here but the call went immediately to voicemail again. he sighed.

even though it was all he could think about when he wasn’t actively focused on how exhausted he was, he still wasn’t sure what he was going to say to emma. somehow, an apology alone didn’t seem like it would be enough. they had had these fights in the past where he would let out his bottled up insecurities after a night of drinking and he had promised to do better each time they reconciled. he was pretty sure he would need to own up to that.

“emma, come on, the dryve is here and i already texted justin a picture of your outfit so he’s definitely excited to see you!” noah perked up at emma’s name and looked up to see two figures walking across the quad toward the drop-off roundabout. even in the dark and from a distance, noah could tell which one was emma and the boots she was wearing was just enough for his imagination to start running south.

“slow down, i can’t run in these boots! also, why would you text justin that?” noah felt his heart ache when he heard emma’s voice. he really missed her and didn’t register right away that his feet had already started walking toward her.

“duh, because he’s had a crush on you since last year and i told him you were single.” noah froze. single? this had to be a joke, right? or maybe he was having a nightmare, some sort of hallucination from lack of sleep?

“danni, what the hell? i’m not… i mean, i haven’t,” emma stammered, frustrated.

danni just shrugged. “no one’s saying you have to do anything with justin. let him buy you drinks and then just blow him off by saying you’re not ready to move on yet. problem solved, now let’s go or we’re going to miss our chance to get into the crimson veil!”

emma sighed and let her friend drag her to the dryve waiting by the curb. as danni leaned in to double-check the driver’s identity, emma let her gaze wander across campus until she noticed a white motorcycle in the visitors’ lot that looked awfully familiar. she took a couple steps closer to get a clearer vantage point when she felt a hand on her wrist yank her back.

“what are you doing? come on!” she climbed into the car after danni but couldn’t help look out the window at the parking lot.

“that looks like noah’s bike,” she said softly, too soft for danni to hear.

noah watched as the car drove away. he desperately wanted to feel more like himself and then maybe he’d be able to come up with a game plan. it wouldn’t be easy to talk his way into the crimson veil, one of the most exclusive clubs in manhattan but he needed to get in before this “justin” person tried to make a move on emma. he looked back at emma’s dorm building with hesitation; he did have a copy of her room key and could let himself in to take a shower and change. it would show that he was serious about working things out with her, even if she got upset that he let himself into her room without her knowledge. he started walking quickly toward the building before he could talk himself out of it. he needed to look and feel his best if he was going to show up to that club and win back his girl.

* * * * * it didn’t take long for them to arrive at the club, and just like danni said, their names were on the list and the bouncer barely glanced at them as he let them in. emma followed danni toward the bar as her eyes adjusted to the dim club, accented by gaudy chandeliers and soft neon lights accenting the booths and dancefloor.

“this place is awesome! what do you want to drink?”

emma skimmed the drinks menu. “i want to take it easy with the drinks, you know my rule about emotional drinking. a gin and tonic is fine.”

danni rolled her eyes. “boring! as long as you do at least one tequila shot with me,” she turned away to relay their orders when emma felt the warmth of someone’s chest against her back. she shifted so she could see behind her and found herself looking up at justin mercado, his dark brown hair styled to the side. they had worked on a project together last year for their business communications class (she was double majoring in photography and media management with a minor in communications), but emma kept her distance and shut down any flirting immediately. tonight, however, emma was taken aback by how attractive he looked with his sharp, stubble-lined jaw and black dress shirt that highlighted his toned muscles.

“hey there,” he said with a smirk, reaching past her to hand his credit card to the bartender. “this round’s on me, ladies.”

“thanks justin!” danni beamed, handing him and emma a tequila shot and lime. hoping he hadn’t caught her checking him out, emma turned away to throw back the shot, cringing at the burn from the tequila.

justin led them to a corner booth in the back of the main floor once they got their drinks, far enough from the dance floor that they could somewhat hear each other over the music. danni pulled her hand as they climbed into the booth and emma knew she intentionally made it so justin would climb in after her, leaving emma sandwiched between the two. she inwardly rolled her eyes and tried to maintain a façade of interest in whatever justin had to say, while being aware of the distance between their bodies’ and the location of justin’s arm casually behind her on the back of the booth.

danni squealed as the opening lyrics of “shape of you” by ed sheeran started blasting from the club speakers, “the club isn’t the best place to find a lover; so the bar is where i go; me and my friends at the table doing shots; drinking fast and then we talk slow, emma, let’s dance!”

without waiting to see if emma would follow, danni got up and disappeared into the crowd. justin stood up next and held a hand out to her. “wanna dance?” he yelled over the music. emma hesitated and stared at his outstretched hand before looking up to give him a firm nod, letting him pull her up out of the booth. he held her hand firmly as he led them to the middle of the dancefloor.

girl, you know i want your love your love was handmade for somebody like me come on now, follow my lead i may be crazy, don't mind me say, boy, let's not talk too much grab on my waist and put that body on me come on now, follow my lead come, come on now, follow my lead

emma turned around and let justin place his hands on her hips. she put her hands over his to hold them in place as she swayed her hips from side to side; she didn’t want to lead him on, but they could still dance and have fun, right? she tried to stay aware of how close justin was dancing and avoid any unintentional grinding on her part while keeping up with the beat. she closed her eyes and allowed the warm buzz from the alcohol guide her movements to the music.

i’m in love with the shape of you we push and pull like a magnet do although my heart is falling too i’m in love with your body and last night you were in my room and now my bedsheets smell like you every day discovering something brand new i’m in love with your body

it took sweet talking a group of girls near the front of the line and bribing the bouncer, but noah finally made it into the club. given how difficult it was to get into, he wasn’t surprised to see that it wasn’t overcrowded like most clubs in the city. there were enough people to make the atmosphere fun but not so many that the only way someone could navigate the room is if they either squeezed through people or elbowed them hard enough to start a domino effect, which although comical in retrospect, would definitely result in getting kicked out.

he quickly made his way to the side of the bar furthest from the entrance, looking over his shoulder once to make sure the group of girls he snuck in with didn’t notice him sneak away. in case emma noticed him first, he’d rather not be surrounded by a group of girls in outfits that screamed “we’re competing for who can reveal the most skin and not get in trouble for public nudity.” he ordered his favorite drink and out of habit, briefly did a scan across the room to note the layout of the room, location of the bathrooms, security cameras, and all potential exits. once he got a lay of the land, so to speak, he leaned against the counter, sipping his whiskey. he started looking around more casually until his gaze landed on the woman who still took his breath away, dancing in a sexy dress he definitely hadn’t seen her in before.

noah’s eyes traced the way her dress left her shoulders and collarbone exposed, hugging her curves down to her swaying hips before he noticed that there were a pair of hands intertwined with hers. he frowned and lifted his gaze to the tall, dark-haired, handsome-looking man (he didn’t see anything wrong with acknowledging that men could look attractive without him being attracted to them) with a definite toned build dancing against her. they weren’t grinding even though they were dancing close; as far as he could tell, it looked like emma was keeping him at a distance, holding the guy’s hands in place, although it could also be wishful thinking on his part.

i don’t like the way he’s looking at you i’m starting to think you want him too am i crazy? have i lost ya even though i know you love me, can’t help it

noah realized he was clenching his jaw and rubbed his temples to try to loosen up the tension and anxiety he was feeling. now was not the time for what emma called his “jealous-and-overprotective boyfriend” mode. most of the time she found it endearing but letting it take over in this situation would result in him making unfair and hurtful accusations and noah already had enough to apologize for from last night. he quickly finished off his drink, took a deep breath, and started walking toward the dancefloor.

emma was definitely the first to notice the leather jacket-clad, brooding brunette with broad shoulders and sculpted arms that came with playing football heading determinedly toward them. she looked up and drew in a sharp breath once she realized it was noah. each stride was filled with a quiet confidence, his gaze never leaving hers, and his eyes smoldering with something she couldn’t quite name - desire, jealousy, anger, maybe all of the above.

‘cause you’re too sexy beautiful and everybody want to taste, that’s why i still get jealous ‘cause you're too sexy beautiful and everybody want to taste, that’s why i still get jealous

she released justin’s hands from her hips and turned to face him. “hey justin, i had a really great time tonight but i’m going to have to head out early. can you make sure danni’s okay?”

justin looked at her quizzically. “does this have something to do with the guy walking toward us that looks like he wants to murder me?”

emma winced and nodded. “yeah, he’s technically still my boyfriend, i think. i know danni told you otherwise.”

he shrugged and smiled. “seriously, don’t worry about it. i had fun. call me if things change with you,” he said, with a wink.

emma watched justin walk away and took a deep breath. she felt noah’s chest against her back, his fingers hovering at her sides, and his warm breath tickling her ear as he asked, “mind if i cut in?” she squeezed her eyes shut as though it would keep the memories from trickling into her mind - the last time she heard him say that was back in high school.

and i’m puffing my chest i’m getting ready to face you can call me obsessed it's not your fault that they hover i mean no disrespect it’s my right to be hellish i still get jealous

emma couldn’t bring herself to turn around and face him. the brief respite she had while dancing with justin was gone but she wanted to try to enjoy herself for a few more minutes before facing reality and having to listen to noah’s excuses. she could feel her resolve weakening as his cologne filled her senses and his breath cooled the heat of her skin from the crowded club.

he knew she was probably debating with herself inwardly and wished she would talk to him or at least look at him. noah felt disappointment creep in and started pulling himself away. emma reached behind and grabbed his arms, sliding her hands down until she looped her fingers with his, pulling him forward. he let out a breath of relief and gripped her hips tightly, pulling her as close to him as he could, falling into rhythm with her hips swaying to the beat. he lowered his head toward the crook of her shoulder as they grinded to the music, leaving loving kisses along her shoulder and neck. emma tilted her head to the side to give him better access to her neck and noah felt the weight in his heart lift a little at the gesture.

‘cause you’re too sexy beautiful and everybody want to taste, that’s why i still get jealous

i wish you didn’t have to post it all i wish you’d save a little bit just for me protective or possessive? girl call it passive or aggressive?

the rest of the song faded into the background as emma released his hands to wrap hers around his neck. emma felt a sudden urge to see him and see what he was feeling in that moment. without losing the beat, she turned in his arms until she was grinding her hips into his, using the arms wrapped around his neck to bring herself closer to him. she forced herself to look up and into his eyes, keeping her face passive, searching for a truth. what truth exactly she thought she could see, she wasn’t sure, but she did see a lot of fear and genuine regret.

noah felt like he could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears as he looked deeply in emma’s eyes. he felt like she could see into his soul and in that moment, he wished she could, so that she could know the unabashed truth of how much she meant to him and how much he regret hurting her. his gaze dropped to her lips; he wanted to kiss her so badly but knew that he needed to tread carefully. it was a delicate, albeit often frustrating, dance to figure out when he needed to let her take the lead and when she wanted him to take initiative. the anxiety he felt in his stomach warned him to follow her lead this time. his fingers dug into her hips as if he was afraid she would slip out and run away from him at any moment.

emma dropped her gaze and leaned in to rest her forehead against his, closing her eyes. she slowed her movements so her hips were swaying gently against his in time to the music, relishing the feel of being in his arms. she closed the rest of the gap between their bodies, resting her chin on his shoulder, breathing in his musky, leathery scent. she had missed him, missed this, moments like these where it felt like the rest of the world didn’t exist and it was just them. when the song ended, she stood on her tip toes so she could murmur in noah’s ear, “want to get out of here? we should probably talk.” she noticed him swallow and nod, letting go of her hips so he could grab her hand and lead her out of the club.

* * * * * emma quietly looked out the window in the back of the dryve the entire way back to campus. noah kept stealing glances over to see if he could gauge how she was feeling, but she didn’t turn to look at him once during the entire drive. he grabbed her hand and laced his fingers with hers both out of habit and a need to touch her. she resisted half-heartedly once but he held tight and couldn’t help the small smile on his face when she didn’t resist again. he tapped his finger against his thigh nervously, trying not to feel too hopeful that she would forgive him, but he certainly felt better about the likelihood of it after dancing at the club.

once they were inside her room, emma suddenly felt a pit form in her stomach. she really didn’t want to have this conversation with him but knew she couldn’t avoid it anymore. she motioned to noah to make himself comfortable while she stepped into the bathroom to wipe off her makeup and take off her boots and jewelry. she didn’t want to change into one of his old football shirts that she usually slept in quite yet and give noah the impression that things were back to normal.

while emma was in the bathroom, noah sat himself down on one end of her loveseat and looked around the room. he noticed the necklace on the nightstand as the “N” initial necklace he had gifted her on their first anniversary and his heart sank as he realized she had taken it off. he couldn’t remember a time when she wasn’t wearing it, so this definitely wasn’t a good sign. when the bathroom door opened he stood up reflexively. he thought he saw a ghost of a smile on her face as she approached the loveseat and sat down on the opposite end, tucking her legs under her.

he was debating whether or not to speak up first but she beat him to it. “i was not expecting you to drive down here today, much less show up at the club. how did you know where i’d be?”

“when i got here i saw you and your friend leaving the building. i overheard her say you were going to the crimson veil but before i could come up to you, she basically dragged you into the car,” he said, shifting in his seat. “i’m sorry, emma. for everything.”

emma maintained a neutral facial expression and gave him a long look. only her eyes betrayed how fast her mind was processing information and weighing the repercussions of different responses. finally, she said, “what exactly are you sorry for? do you remember everything from last night?”

noah bit his lip and nodded. “yeah, i remember most of it. i felt like we were growing apart over the last few weeks; i know we were both busy but it felt like our relationship was taking a backseat. so when you told me you couldn’t make it up to see me on my birthday… i was more upset than i thought i’d be. i drank way more than i should’ve last night and let my frustrations and doubts fester until it exploded like that. i really am sorry.”

emma sighed and looked away. “i know you’re sorry, and i know you feel really bad. but you’ve done this before and we’ve talked about this. it feels like you’re taking for granted that i’ll forgive you and i’m just so tired of doing this with you. you need to bring up your doubts and concerns with me instead of letting them build up and definitely not drink when you’re upset.”

“i know. i promise i’ll do better,” noah said, scooting closer to her so he could grab both her hands in his. “i love you, baby. can you forgive me?”

emma already knew what her answer was before he even asked. she loved him too much and she knew he was much harder on himself than anyone else and probably had been beating himself up over this all day. “i forgive you. i still feel upset, but i’ll get over it soon. i love you.”

“thank you, baby.” noah was thrilled. he leaned in without hesitation to wrap her up in his arms. emma let herself relax and enjoy the familiarity and warmth of his body against hers. noah shifted so he could pull her into his lap and emma cupped his face in her hands, leaning forward to give him a deep kiss. she pulled back and saw that he was looking up at her with pure adoration, and her breath caught with emotion – she loved this man so damn much.

noah’s eyebrow furrowed with concern. “what’s wrong, baby?” she was always surprised at how well he could read her. emma could feel tears prickling the back of her eyes.

“i just love you so much. and you pushing me away last night really hurt,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

noah raised his chin to give her a soft kiss. “i’m so sorry for hurting you like that. i’m going to make it up to you.” he left a trail of kisses across her jaw and down her neck, stopping to give a teasing kiss on her collarbone. “i’m going to worship you like the goddess you are. you are so goddamn gorgeous, emma. it took every ounce of restraint i had not to carry you out of the club when i saw you dancing,” noah murmured, kissing along her shoulder and down to the top of her breasts.

🔥⚡ 🔥⚡ 

emma shifted so she was straddling him and ran her hands through his soft hair. “were you jealous?”

noah paused and pulled back to look at her again. his hands roamed up and down her back until they settled on her ass. “you’re damn right i was jealous. i can’t stand the thought of you looking this sexy for another man.” his grip tightened and emma bit her lip to keep from moaning as she started grinding slowly on his lap, eliciting a soft grunt from noah.

“so what are you going to do about it?” she whispered in his ear, grinding up and down slowly, enjoying the feel of how much she was turning him on.

noah growled and stood up, gripping her tightly against him. emma wrapped her legs and arms tightly around him instinctively. “i’m going to make sure i’m the only man for you, starting by making you scream my name.”

he reverently laid her on the bed, kissing and touching her everywhere. emma felt warmth bloom from each spot he kissed and touched, as one hand massaged her breast while the other traced a finger up and down her thigh. she put her hands on his chest and gently pushed him back. “if i’m a goddess, then prove it. strip.”

noah smirked. he could take orders from her all day. he slowly pulled his shirt over his head, slowly revealing his abs before unbuckling his belt. he unzipped his pants and let them fall, stepping out of them and taking a step toward the bed. emma held up a hand and moved forward until she was sitting on the edge of the bed. she gave him the most smoldering look she could muster as she reached under her dress to pull down her panties before slowly spreading her legs apart. “worship me.”

emma watched noah’s eyes darken and he swallowed visibly. she let her eyes wander down his broad shoulders, sculpted abs, and very erect member, enjoying how it twitched when she gave orders. she laid back against the bed, stretching her arms overhead as noah started kissing up her thigh. she reached forward to weave her fingers in his hair and pulled his head gently back to look at her. “no teasing. worship me, now.”

noah surged forward, licking up her folds until he reached her clit. he alternated sucking and swirling his tongue over her sensitive spot, listening for her gasps and moans that would cue his movements. emma felt her hips rise and start moving involuntarily, his breath leaving a tingling feeling everywhere he touched with his tongue. he was incredibly adept at figuring out exactly what would get her off and it was all she could do not to squeeze her thighs around his neck to get closer. he pulled back slightly and emma whimpered at the sudden loss of warmth, although the contrast from the cooler air in the room gave her goosebumps. she felt him stroke her with a finger and resume his tongue ministrations and emma threw her head back, arching her back. she was getting close and noah knew it. he added a second finger and sped up his strokes, making sure his tongue swirled clockwise and then counterclockwise until he could feel her thighs start to shake.

“god, noah, i’m close— don’t stop, yes!” emma gasped, closing her eyes as he brought her over to the edge and continued to stroke and lick her so she could ride out her orgasm. she felt noah slow down and eventually stop as she tried to catch her breath. he hovered over her and emma opened her eyes just as he leaned down to give her a passionate kiss. she licked her lips as he pulled away, tasting herself.

she wanted more. “take my clothes off. now,” she ordered, watching with amusement as noah silently reached under her until he found the zipper, pulling it down and slowly taking the dress with it.

“this might be my new favorite dress of yours. although i definitely prefer you out of it more,” he murmured, leaving featherlight kisses on each her most sensitive spots as he freed them from the fabric. kisses on the top of her breasts, swirling his tongue over her nipples before continuing to kiss down her stomach and her hips. he let the dress fall to the floor and emma scooted higher on the bed so that he could lean over her more comfortably. he nudged her legs apart again with his knees as he hovered over her, kissing her passionately until emma literally didn’t think she could breathe.

noah pulled back, prompting emma to look up at him. “tell me what you want, baby,” he said breathlessly. emma reached up to trail her fingers down his back until she reached his ass and gave it a squeeze, eliciting a low moan.

“i want all of you, noah,” she murmured back. noah lined himself up and entered her slowly.

once he was buried to the hilt, noah stilled, looking at her to make sure she was okay. she loved the feeling of him being inside her and wrapped her legs around the back of his thighs to hold him tightly against her. she lifted her hips upward and started moving and he followed her lead; they fell into a familiar rhythm, grabbing, touching, and kissing each other everywhere they could.

her back arched and noah held her tightly as she felt pressure start to build in her abdomen again; she tilted her head back and noah kissed her neck and swirled his hips just the way she liked it. all she could manage was a gasp before crying out as the pressure peaked and cascaded over, drowning all her senses with pleasure. noah continued to thrust his hips to help her ride out her orgasm before he followed with a grunt, crying out her name as his seed filled her up. emma was too dazed to respond and wanted to enjoy the bliss before she came down from her high.

“god, that was definitely the best sex we’ve ever had,” emma breathed, placing a hand on her chest to try to calm her beating heart. “thank god i’m on birth control.”

“well, they say make up sex is the best kind,” noah replied, lifting his head from the crook of her shoulder. his breath was ragged and he wasn’t quite ready to leave the warmth of her body yet even though they were both spent.

❄💧❄💧

emma gave him a piercing look. “don’t go getting any ideas. i do not like being mad at you.”

“don’t worry, i hate it when you’re mad at me,” he said without a hint of his usual snark. if emma had any lingering doubts about noah’s feelings for her, which she didn’t, they would have immediately disappeared at the amount of heartwrenching love she could see in his eyes.

“well, i’m not mad at you anymore. lucky for you, since it’s your birthday for another,” she said with a smirk, quickly glancing at the clock before continuing, “four minutes. before i forget to ask, did you like your gift?”

“i loved it and i want to talk to you about it tomorrow, but this right now is the most perfect gift i could ask for,” noah murmured, resting his forehead on hers and trying to get his breathing back under control. emma’s chest was heaving up and down beneath his, her face flushed where it lay framed by his forearms.

emma opened her eyes and smirked up at him, lightly dragging her fingernails up and down his back. “what, sex? you’re really setting a low bar for future presents, casanova. although i will say this fits nicely within my budget,” she teased.

noah let out a low, husky laugh and emma could feel her body immediately flush underneath his. he was so damn sexy. he lifted his head to look her in the eyes before punctuating each point with a kiss. “no, this.” he kissed her forehead. “us.” her nose. “you.” her cheek. “here.” he worked his way down her face and left a few feathery kisses along her jaw. “with me.”

emma’s eyes fluttered closed as noah left a sweet kiss in the hollow of her collarbone and started working his way back up. “knowing i haven’t lost you.” he kissed the skin just beneath her earlobe and whispered, “knowing you still love me.” he resumed kissing a trail from her ear to her lips. “knowing you’ll still let me love you.” he hovered a hair’s breadth away from her lips when he murmured the word love, his eyes full of longing and adoration. she closed the gap between them, bringing her hands up to cup his face.

“i love you, emma. so much,” he said, giving her a lingering kiss before shifting his weight off her to lay on his back. emma curled her body into his and lay her head on his chest. his arm wrapped around her shoulders in an attempt to pull her even closer.

emma reached over to cup his cheek and turn his face toward her. “i love you too, baby. happy birthday.” she tilted her head up and gave him a soft kiss before sighing happily and letting the sound of his steady heartbeat lull her to sleep.

“goodnight, babe,” noah whispered as he pulled the comforter up around her shoulders. he closed his eyes and let himself fall asleep to the sound of her even breathing and the feel of her in his arms, feeling ever grateful for the love he had in his life.

* * * * * mentions: @khoicesbyk​; @nyastarlight​; @chetachisblog; @robintora​;​ @shows-simp-card​; @brycesgirl​;

[solitvdcs]

* sofia carson, cis female + she/her | you know raquel morales, right? they’re twenty-five, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, most of her life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to go your own way by fleetwood mac like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole leather jacket and stiletto boots, red painted lips, alphabetized record collection thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is september 20, so they’re a virgo, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

trigger warning: death, drugs, alcohol

basic info

full name: raquel morales giraldo

birth date: september 20, 1995

pronouns: she/her

hometown: irving, north carolina

sexuality: bisexual

height: 5′5″

eye color: hazel

hair color: dark brown

build: slim

tattoos: the letters “crel” along the inside of her middle finger (the initials of each morales sister, including herself), an eighth note behind her ear, blooming flowers going up her left thigh

piercings: many, many ear piercings, formerly pierced nose but the hole has closed up

style: if you see her around and she’s not wearing a leather jacket, that’s not her

favorite color: black

favorite food: torta negra

zodiac: virgo sun, leo moon, scorpio rising

mbti: istj

hogwarts house: slytherin

enneagram: type 3 wing 4

temperament: choleric-melancholy

alignment: true neutral

rocky was born the second oldest out of four sisters, though her younger sisters weren’t that much younger. one of a set of identical triplets, rocky always felt herself taking on the “big sister” role when it came to ellie and lisa, even if they were only a couple hours younger than her. their oldest sister, cassidy, was already ten when the triplets were born, so by the time they were able to remember, cassidy was already off living her own life. there was a distinct separation between the triplets and cassidy, but the triplets were so close knit that none of them really minded.

each triplet seemed to be a prodigy in their own way. ellie moved her way through the ranks of her ballet company faster than any other kid in the studio’s history, lisa could charm just about anyone and was a natural actress, and rocky gravitated towards music. she could pick up just about any instrument and play it, and music became her escape. she shared a face and so much else with two other girls, but music was the thing that was solely hers. but, being the most logical out of the three, she saw music as more of a hobby than a career. when the time came for university, she planned on majoring in business. but - as a nod to her true passion - her concentration was on the music industry.

during undergrad, she met her boys. the four were music majors with different concentrations who’d decided to form a band, but unfortunately were short a guitarist. they held auditions, rocky showed up on a whim, and was promptly welcomed into the band. it was odd, at first, being the only girl when she’d grown up in a household of mainly girls, but she acclimated quickly. it was the first time she’d felt at home since she’d left her sisters back in irving. they became popular on and around campus, and eventually a few other local universities started booking them. after graduation, they got a record deal - rocky led the negotiations, of course - and after that, syndicate took off.

syndicate’s fanbase consisted of people mostly interested in her bandmates, and it didn’t bother her until the fans started targeting her on social media. there were rumors going around that she and the lead singer were “more than friends” (which at the time was not true), and his most extreme fangirls bullied her until she had no choice but to delete her social media accounts. after that she focused on the music and nothing else, until one night at an afterparty, the lead singer made a move. sure, they’d had a weird, jealous flirtationship for most of the time they’d known each other, but nothing had ever happened. they started dating in secret, nobody knowing except the other guys in the band. after a while, rocky reactivated her social media accounts, and hoped the lead singer would have her back now that they were actually together.

long story short, he didn’t.

DRUGS, ALCOHOL, DEATH TW. they started fighting. a lot. and the more they fought, the harder rocky partied. she fell deep into the underground music party scene and started mixing progressively harder drugs with alcohol, until one day she overdosed. she wasn’t supposed to survive, but someone was looking out for her that night. she found out too late that her youngest sister, lisa, had died that same night. she flew home just for the funeral before discreetly checking herself into rehab, though nothing could fix the fact that one whole third of herself was now missing.

after rehab, she made the decision to leave not only syndicate, but the music industry altogether. music had become a gateway drug instead of an escape, and she couldn’t let all of her hard work in rehab go to waste, not to mention it felt like a slap to the face to her dead sister. instead she enrolled in grad school back home, and ultimately syndicate broke up without her. nobody outside of the band and her family know about her rehab stint, nor do they realize that she was the instigator behind the band’s breakup. she carries the guilt around with her still, though.

added bc i c/ped the intro from when i played her before: rocky dated isaac hensely in high school for a couple years, and she started thinking that maybe he was it for her. she’d planned on going to the same school as him instead of her dream school, and when she told him, he broke up with her (right before prom, too). she wasn’t going to go after that, but ellie and lisa convinced her to. she stayed until she saw isaac there with another girl, and promptly left. she didn’t even stay for long enough to see him and his date crowned prom king and queen.

wanted connections (yes these are also c/ped from when i played her before lol)

anybody wanna apply to be one of the band members????

someone who went to rehab with her and knows

a confidant for when she doesn’t have her sisters to talk to

friends i guess??

flirty frenemies?????? that’s clearly her type lol

a fwb thing that’s not serious but just when they both need to blow off some steam

someone who tempts her back into music (slowburn lol)

i am so bad at wanted connections i’m so sorry

[ramblingthoughtsofayoungadult]

Reality Check-Euphoria Imagine

Requested: No Warnings: mentions of trauma and a scene of an attempted sexual assault

A/N: I’m back from a super long break! I am so sorry I have not been able to update this blog since I started grad school but I have a bit of a break to write a bit. I just finished Euphoria so after this imagine, I’ll get started on the requests.

I own nothing from Euphoria and do not claim to own anything

Gif is from:geek-ramblings

Everything in italics in the story is Rue’s narration

Y/N Y/L/N wanted to be a princess for as long as she could remember. It didn’t hurt that every Disney movie and other piece of media designed for little girls endorsed this dream. One of those movies was the 1997 Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella starring Whitney Houston, Brandi, Whoopi Goldberg, and Victor Garber. It was the first time Y/N saw a princess who looked like her and it solidified that her dreams were possible. She watched that movie every day for three years and knows the soundtrack by heart. When her older cousin, McKay, irritated her, she would belt “Impossible/It’s Possible” at the top of her lungs in retaliation. While McKay was pushed to his limits on the football field, Y/N would twirl around in her living room during the ballroom sequence, pretending as though she had a dashing partner who would whisk her away. Her parents didn’t mind this dream since it suggested that she was as “normal” as a little girl could be. Eventually, Y/N’s mother put her in dance classes so that she could learn how to be graceful and dance with real people. Y/N fell in love with dancing since it gave her a way to express herself without speaking. Y/N was one of the sweetest people ever, but she was so shy and nervous, and I didn’t get it. Once she got comfortable, she actually had some things to say and a decent sense of humor. What she rarely let anyone know was she still dreamed of finding her prince, even though East Highland was overrun with frogs. In middle school, Y/N focused on studying and dancing while everyone else was practice dating (ie talking for a few hours on Facebook Messenger and avoiding eye contact in the hallway save a few nervous glances). She was hopeful that she would meet her prince in high school since that’s how it worked in the movies and what her older cousins had her believe. Y/N learned quickly that high was not like the movies and did not entertain herself with frivolous things, something Maddy called her out on at lunch one day.

  “I’m right so don’t even try to fight me about it,” Maddy affirmed from across the table.

  The cafeteria was busy and smelled of semi-fresh food and bubblegum. Y/N, Maddy, Cassie, BB, and Kat sat at their usual table. Y/N paused mid-bite into her cucumber sandwich and closed her mouth as soon as she realized it was hanging open.

  “What?”

  “You don’t do anything outside of school and dance team unless we drag you out and that needs to change,” Maddy insisted.

  “I do other things,” Y/N said hesitantly.

 “Yeah, like what? And it can’t be anything that you would use for college!”

   Y/N racked her brain for a few moments. “Well, I watch movies and I read----”

  “Fun things!” Maddy interrupted.

  “Like gettin’  d-ck,” BB added.

  Y/N’s face warmed up and she looked away from BB. “B, why’d you have to say it like that?”

  “Well, at the end of the day, all that romance sh-t you’re into is just a pretty form of foreplay.”

  “No, it’s not, they’re displays of affection and they’re beautiful. I know you all think romance is dead but I can’t and I don’t want to settle for that.” Y/N nodded her head in the direction of a table of guys who were concocting potions by mixing up the lunch of day with milk.

  Cassie grabbed Y/N’s hand. “No one would expect you of all people to settle, but you haven’t dated anyone and there are some good guys in this town if not in this school. We just want to see you happy.”

 Y/N could tell that Cassie was being sincere by the look in her eyes, all her friends were, but they also knew why Y/N behaved a certain way. The summer before eighth grade, Y/N saw the texts on her mom’s phone between her and a man that was not Y/N’s dad. It sickened her to her core, and she had no idea how to process it. Suddenly, her parents’ nightly arguments coupled with her mother’s late returns from nights out with “a friend” made more sense. She did not tell either of them that she knew and kept quiet about it. If she did not acknowledge it, she thought it would go away. She threw herself into dancing and studying, which did not raise any eyebrows. One night, Y/N, Maddy, Cassie, Lexi, and I went to the movies to see a Twilight movie. When she stepped out to get a popcorn refill, she saw her mother standing on the other side of the theater, smiling and flirting with a man who had to be in his seventies. Y/N managed to keep it together until we got back to Cassie and Lexie’s, where she broke down and told us everything. We hugged her and tried to calm her down, but there was nothing we could say that would repair her heart. Y/N’s mom officially stopped cheating when Y/N was fifteen but by then, the damage was already done. Her parents wanted to work on their marriage but neglected their child’s emotional and mental wellbeing since Y/N was so good and pretending she was fine. Her grades were excellent, she was the youngest co-captain of East Highland High’s dance team, and she stayed out of trouble. But if you really look at her, you can see the heartbreak in her big, coffee-colored eyes. Despite this, Y/N was convinced that there was a great guy out there for her, but she was extremely reluctant to date. She prayed that college would be better than high school and she would find the courage to date then.

  “I love and appreciate your guys’ concern so much, but I am not about to give up my,” Y/N paused and glanced around the cafeteria before whispering, “virginity just to fit in, no offense.”

  “Come on, Y/N, you may look and act all pure but you have to be dying to know what good d-ck feels like,” Maddy whined.

  She had been, Y/N was human and not a total saint after all.

  “I can wait, really.”

  “So, have you just not been interested in any guys? I know plenty who are interested in you,” Cassie added.

 “What?” Y/N was baffled by the loaded statement.

 “Come on, Y/N, you know you’re hot,” Kat said.

  “Your legs go up to your neck, Sis,” BB blurted as she nibbled on a Twizzler.

 “Your face is basically perfectly symmetrical, it disgusts me,” Maddy said, emphasizing her statement with hand gestures.

  Y/N chuckled nervously under the attention. “Thanks, guys.”

  “But, is there anyone that interests you?”

  Y/N glanced down at the tops of her metallic rose gold sandals. “No, not really.”

  That was a total f-cking lie. Since fourth grade, Y/N harbored a crush on Nate that was fueled by when he shoved Caleb Parker after Caleb shoved Y/N during a game of tag in gym class. When Nate helped her stand on her feet, he was basically her knight in shining armor. Nate fit Y/N’s type perfectly: tall, dark hair, dark eyes, killer smile, and kind. Y/N never said anything, but anyone could tell just by observing the way she looked at him and the fact that she could never string together a decent sentence around him. This did not stop her from daydreaming about him and watching him from afar. She thought that maybe she could impress him with her dancing, and he would be forced to make a move. Y/N paid close attention to what Nate liked and disliked about girls, leading to religious mani-pedis and waxing. I tried to talk her out of it freshman year, but I can’t blame her for ignoring a junkie’s advice. When Maddy and Nate started dating, Y/N tried to cut off her attraction to Nate because she loved Maddy like a sister. She stopped pining after him but wished that she had a tenth of the confidence Maddy had.

  “That’s it, we’re going to a party on Friday and you are going to meet a guy,” Maddy demanded.

  “What?”

  “Relax, you don’t have to sleep with him…unless you want to.” BB wiggled her eyebrows and Maddy, Cassie, and Kat burst into giggles.

 “I think I can start off with kissing.”

 “Have you even kissed a guy?” BB shot back.

 “Yes, I have.”

 In second grade, Travis Williams was double-dared to kiss Y/N on the playground. She knew that he wasn’t her prince charming since he produced too much saliva, and he was dared to do it. It gave her a weird complex about how attractive she was since no one really approached her. Sure, there were guys at parties but they just wanted something warm to slide into, not a real relationship.

 After practice, Y/N and Maddy sat across from each other with their legs spread out, pulling each other back and forth to stretch.

 “You really went in with this number, my legs are still killing me,” Maddy moaned as Y/N tugged her hands.

  “Well, Alia wants to do something super impressive for homecoming; it’s not my fault she was so inspired by Homecoming.” Y/N relaxed her back while Maddy gently pulled Y/N’s arms towards her.

   She relished in the stretch as her muscles released. Alia had tasked her with working on the homecoming choreography a month ago and the only requirement was it had to be set to Beyoncé’s “Diva/Everybody Mad” mix. It was tricky choreography, complete with acrobatics and lifts, but it would be entertaining.

  “Well, we better do Beyonce well because she deserves nothing but the best.” Maddy’s expression dropped.

  “What’s wrong?” Y/N turned and saw Nate heading towards them. He was so gorgeous even though he was in a black t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. His hair looked perfect for finger-combing and Y/N could just see his muscles flexing with every step he took.

  Y/N could never relax around Nate, even though she tried everything----slowing her breathing, counting backwards from twenty, and imagining him with food poisoning since no one looks good with that. But nothing worked, nothing ever worked, and she was forced to do whatever she could think of in the moment.

   “Hey, Y/N,” Nate greeted.

   “Hi,” Y/N breathed.

   “Maddy,” he looked at her and Maddy rolled her eyes.

   “What?”

   “Are you done stretching? I’m giving you a ride and we can’t be late, remember?”

   “Well, it doesn’t really matter since I always take too f-cking long to get ready.”

   Nate sighed. “Maddy, I didn’t mean it…”

   “I can go,” Y/N volunteered meekly, suddenly very aware that she was still sweaty from practice and needed to shower.

   “No, Y/N, stay,” Maddy said, “stay so you can hear the bullsh-t he comes up with.”

   They argued for about five minutes, all of which Y/N used to make herself as small as possible. She knew they had a dysfunctional relationship and that was the last thing Y/N wanted, she’d seen how they worked. If the couple weren’t arguing with each other, they would rant about the other person to a friend. Maddy did it all the time, but she was nowhere near as bad as Y/N’s dad. Her dad spoke explicitly about Y/N’s mother’s activities when things were really bad. It was always late at night and Y/N was not always sleeping over at someone’s house. Her father would rant for hours and force Y/N to sit there and listen. Whenever she tried to ask him to stop, he would say, “Tell your mother to stop, she did this. I didn’t do anything!”. Y/N cried a lot more than she would let anyone know. She wanted so badly to be whisked away from East Highland, preferably by a tall, handsome prince who would take care of all of her worries. She would be comfortable around him and feel loved. After Maddy and Nate’s argument, Y/N was able to slip away and go home.

  Y/N stepped out of a relaxing shower when she heard the low rumbling that started before every argument. The walls of her room felt closer than usual and she could easily run her hands over the lavender and white checked wallpaper. Everything felt so far away and she felt much smaller than five-foot-nine. Y/N slowly curled into a ball on her bed and shook as the rumbling grew higher.

  “Please stop,” she whispered.

  It persisted.

  “Please, please stop,” she repeated.

  Y/N kept repeating herself for so long that she did not know how long it took before her parents burst into her room. Her mother wrapped her up in arms and rocked her while her dad tried to get her to talk.

  “What’s the problem?” he asked.

  “The fighting, it’s loud,” she whispered.

  “Well, you can’t react like this every time we have an argument, Y/N. You’ll fall apart as an adult,” Mr. Y/L/N affirmed.

   “Dinner is almost ready,” Mrs. Y/L/N said and kissed her forehead.  

  When they left the room, Y/N felt dejected and uninterested in food. Just as she was about to start lotioning, her phone dinged. It was Maddy.

   Maddy: Football party’s on Friday. UR GOING.

 It wasn’t a difficult decision for Y/N to make. Her parents gave her a generous curfew since Y/N wouldn’t go out every weekend. But her parents didn’t care how she felt so they shouldn’t care about what she did for once. And if they didn’t care, then why should she? It wasn’t like she going to engage in an orgy or something.

   Y/N: You had me at football.

   Scott Callahan’s giant house was filled with smoke and strobing lights on Friday night. People were dancing and drinking half-naked in his front lawn and inside was another kind of pandemonium. There was every kind of expensive alcohol one could imagine scattered throughout the house, marijuana, Percocet, molly, and cocaine. Travis Scott’s “Sicko Mode” was blasting through the surround-sound speakers and people were either dancing, grinding, or making out to it. Y/N arrived at the party with Jules and Rue. Hours prior, Y/N gave Jules free reign to do whatever she wanted with her makeup.

 “Ugh, I have been waiting ever since we met for this moment. No, maybe even before then,” Jules said as she swiped silver glitter around Y/N’s eyes.

  Cassie, Maddy, BB, and Kat already helped Y/N pick out an outfit a day before via Facetime: a shiny silver mini dress with platforms. Y/N had been nervous as Jules helped her do her makeup and put some waves in her shoulder-length dark hair. But the finished product made her look like a totally different person.

  “Is that me?” Y/N had whispered as she stared at herself in the mirror.

  Jules rest her chin on Y/N’s shoulder. “Yes, it is, the shinier version.”

  “You look good, Y/N,” Rue complimented.

  “Thanks, Rue. Are you sure you’re okay with me drinking tonight? I feel so weird and guilty.”

  “Yes, it’s fine,” Rue had insisted. “I just got out of rehab and I don’t wanna go back.”

  “And I don’t want you to, either,” Jules added.

  Y/N agreed.

  Y/N still felt weird about drinking around Rue once they arrived at the party,  but Rue insisted that Y/N and Jules have fun. Several guys stared as Y/N walked past, but that could have been attributed to Jules’ neon green corset dress with matching hair or Rue’s tie-dye ensemble. When they reached the kitchen, they found Kat and BB doing tequila shots. Their eyes lit up at the trio.

  “Finally, you’re here!” Kat hugged Rue, Jules, and Y/N.

 “Did you miss us?” Jules teased.

  “Little bit. You guys want a shot?”

  “I’m DD-ing, or DR-ing since it’s a bike,” Rue said.

  “Or DB-ing, for bicycling,” Y/N added.

  BB poured Jules and Y/N shots and handed them over. They cheered before downing the alcohol. The tequila burned down Y/N’s throat and Y/N fought the urge to cough. She’d had alcohol before but she did not drink as often as her friends. Y/N immediately felt the liquid courage coursing through her as she slid her shot glass towards BB.

  “Another one?” BB arched an eyebrow.

 “Are you complaining?”

 “Not at all, you look hot by the way.”

 “Thanks.”

  “I did her makeup,” Jules said.

 Y/N laughed and continued drinking.

  I watched as her third shot became her fifth, and then Jules made them both screwdrivers and she made them strong. I’d only seen Y/N drunk once and that was at freshman winter formal. Maddy convinced her that Gatorade and Everclear were a good mix. She was tripping over herself for most of the night, so there was no telling what she might do.

 “Crap, I forgot to tell you, Maddy and Nate broke up again,” Kat said.

 “Why?” Y/N asked.

 “Stupid same old bullsh-t, probably,” Rue said.

“Where is Maddy, anyway?”

 “Last I knew, she was outside with Cassie,” BB said.

 Y/N finished her screwdriver. “Let’s go, then.”

 Y/N was surprisingly agile as she weaved her way through the crowd and lead the way outside. Maddy and Cassie were easy to spot since they were standing by the lounge chairs and rolling their eyes at every guy who tried to talk to them.

 “Maddy, Cassie!” Y/N announced.

 They both looked up and smiled at her.

 “Y/N, you look amazing,” Cassie said.

 “Thanks, and you look great as per usual.”

 “You’ve been drinking,” Cassie said.

 Y/N nodded.

 Cassie and Maddy greeted Rue, Jules, Kat, and BB.

 “Hey, I’m sorry about Nate,” Y/N said.

  “It’s fine, I don’t need him and I could get any guy here I want. Besides, it gives me the chance to focus more on getting you a guy,” Maddy said.

  “Oh, Maddy, don’t worry about me.”

  “No, that’s why we’re here. Now, let’s do some shots and scope!”

  The shots were easy but finding a good guy was not. Y/N was officially drunk and giggled a lot whenever the guys Maddy or Cassie found spoke to her. Y/N would push the guys she didn’t like away, which was the majority of them.

 “Alright, you rejected eight dudes, why?” Maddy asked over City Girls’ “Act Up”.

  “Well, one had horrible halitsosissss and another kept talking about how he had never been with a black girl before.”

  “Which one said the last thing?” Cassie asked.

  Y/N shrugged and drank more beer. “Seriously, do not worry about me, guys, I’m fine, I just wanna have fun.”

 “Yes, fun!” an equally inebriated Jules commented.

 At that moment, Lizzo’s “Truth Hurts” started playing and Jules and Y/N screamed in unison.

 “I love this song!” Y/N exclaimed.

 “Me too!” Jules said.

 “Let’s dance!” Y/N turned to the rest of the girls and extended her hand. “You have to join us, it’s Lizzo, it’s basically law.”

 “Yeah, basically law,” Jules echoed.

 The others couldn’t argue, and they all moved to the dancefloor, which was really the living room. Jules twirled Rue around even though Rue was reluctant, and BB started grinding on some basketball player. Meanwhile, Maddy, Cassie, and Y/N alternated between shouting the lyrics and moving their hips to the beat.

 Dance truly set Y/N free, but the song also helped. There was something about Lizzo’s voice and choice of beat that made Y/N want to dance and never stop. She would move her arms and hands and feel more fluid than water. For once, she wasn’t calculating each step and making sure she was on beat, she was simply reacting to the music.

 Towards the end of the song, Y/N muttered that she was going outside to Cassie and slipped away from the circle. Y/N found herself enjoying the fresh air and giggled to herself when she saw a couple going to second base by the pool.

 “Y/N, I didn’t think you was into watchin’ people,” Fez teased.

 He was sitting on a beach chair in a corner a few yards away from the back door. He was wearing a navy, yellow, and red Coogi sweater with jeans. He was fully reclined in his chair and smoking a joint.

 “You don’t know a lot of things about me,” Y/N shot back as she walked towards him.

 She plopped down on the seat across from him and tried to steady herself.

 “You good, Y/N?”

 “Yeah, just drank a lot more than usual.” Y/N eyed Fez’s joint. “You know, in all this time I’ve known you, you’ve never offered me drugs.”

 “No disrespect, I just didn’t think you’d be into it, didn’t seem like the type.”

 “Oh yeah? Then what do I seem like?” Y/N leaned towards Fez and arched her back a little.

 Fez blew some smoke away from Y/N and tried not to stare at her. “You…you look like the type to stay away from this stuff and even me.”

  Y/N laughed and shooed the thought away. “How could I stay away from you, Fez? You have the best snacks at the gas station. Plus, I like talking to you.”

 “Really?”

 “Yeah, you have an interesting but simple way of looking at things.”

 Fez looked as though he was thinking for a long moment as he smoked his joint. “I knew I liked you for a reason. You act all quiet and nervous usually but you got a lot to say and say it in a good way.” He extended the joint towards Y/N. “Be careful.”

 Y/N focused as hard as she could to grab the joint with two fingers. She’d only smoked once with Rue and Rue was the one to drag her over to Fezco to get the weed. Y/N remembered coughing a lot, but she knew how to avoid that. She took two long drags before handing the joint back to Fez.

 “Thanks, Fez. We should talk more later.”

 “Sure, if you feelin’ up to it. I’m here all night.”

 Y/N stumbled back into the house, her full intentions to find her friends. Then, she heard the beginning strains of Kanye West’s “Father Stretch My Hands Pt. 1” and she smiled to herself. She started spinning around in time to the music, twisting her arms up and down as she did. Her hips began to sway gently to the rhythm. She ran her hands through her hair and exhaled.

 Y/N was lost again and wrapped up in the beat. She usually did not drop low outside of the comfort of her bedroom, but the alcohol mixed with the weed mixed with the great music made her think differently. She was free and everyone else around her was free. There was nothing to worry about and she could let go of her inhibitions. It didn’t matter that none of the guys at the party were her type nor really interested her, she was having too much fun. But little did Y/N know that someone had their eye on her since she started dancing to “Truth Hurts”.

 Y/N felt someone push up against her from behind, followed by hands slink around her hips. Her eyes fluttered open and she covered the large hands with her own. “Sorry, I don’t----" She stopped when she made eye contact with Nate. “I’m high,” she muttered.

 “I don’t know about that, but you’ve definitely been drinking.”

 Y/N tried to ignore the way his gravelly voice made her stomach drop to her heels or how she felt like everything was throbbing. She shook her head and backed away from him. “I can’t…you just broke up with Maddy.”

 “Y/N, please don’t.” Nate looked worried as he took cautious steps towards her.

 Unbeknownst to Y/N, and everyone else, Nate had a fascination with her that bordered on obsession. He noticed her in fourth grade and how much she got excited about reading and history lessons. Even then, Nate thought Y/N was innocent and so quiet. He was curious about her but never really approached her until that day in gym. That day was a godsend so that he could show off how strong he was and get her to talk. All he got was a “Thanks” and “I’m okay”. Nate was disappointed, but he didn’t stop looking out for her. He made sure none of the football players went after her, which McKay appreciated but he thought Nate was doing it as a friend. No, Nate was doing it because he knew that football players were animals and Y/N was high above them. Maddy was too but Maddy was different .She was so much more confident and bold than Y/N was, and she was a virgin when Nate asked her out. But Maddy liked to fight with him and test him and Y/N wouldn’t do that----she was too sweet and would most likely want to resolve everything as quickly as possible. So, she was unofficially his and Y/N had no idea.

 Y/N kept shaking her head as tears welled up in her eyes. “I can’t do this, Maddy’s like a sister to me.”

“Y/N, breathe, please.” Nate took another step and when Y/N didn’t move, he got close enough to grab her forearms and rub them soothingly. “You’re allowed to dance with me, all we did was dance.”

 “That was not dancing, I’m a dancer, I would know.” Y/N tilted her head back to will the tears away.

 “You look beautiful, seriously. Don’t cry.” He tried to touch her face, but Y/N backed away.

 “Thank you, but I think we should stop talking.”

 “You always look beautiful, especially when your hair is down, it frames your face nicely.” He brushed some hair off her shoulder.

 “Nate, stop.” A tear rolled down her cheek.

 “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

 “I know you’re doing this to make Maddy jealous, it’s what you always do, it’s the same game!” Y/N cried, but it was masked by the music. “I’m…I’m not going to be your pawn in this weird game, Nate. I deserve better than that.”

 Nate reached out and cupped the side of her face in one hand. “Oh, Y/N, you would never be a pawn and I’m not playing with you. Maddy’s not gonna care if you dance with me, she’s not even here.”

 Y/N glanced around the room and didn’t see Maddy anywhere. She suddenly got a sinking feeling and looked back at Nate. “I’m just not comfortable with doing anything with you, she’s my friend.”

 “And I would never want to ruin that and I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable; I just wanted a chance to dance with the prettiest girl at the party.”  

 Y/N snapped her eyes to him. “You think I’m the prettiest girl here?”

 Nate nodded. “But if you don’t want to dance with me…”

 “Fine, one dance.” Y/N held up her pointer finger for emphasis. “And we’re done.”

 “Deal.”

 “Good.”

 The song changed to “One Dance” and Y/N was stiff for a moment. She never really did partner dancing and was lost. Nate sensed this, grabbed one of her hands, and spun her around. She laughed and swiveled her hips to the beat. Nate continued twirling her around and watched Y/N move to the music. When he spun her out again, Nate pulled her back in and held her close. Y/N did everything in her power to fight to gnawing desire to melt into his embrace. He felt so strong and protective. Y/N stared at the collar of his t-shirt to avoid eye contact and kept her hands on his chest.

  “This isn’t fair,” she whispered.

  “What isn’t fair?”   “I’ve had a crush on you since elementary school and the time you decide you want me, it’s just after your break up with one of my best friends.” Y/N buried her head in her hands. “I’m such a bad friend, I should go.”

 Nate held her there and stared her down. “Go and do what?”

 “Um, find my friends.”

“And then what?”

“Dance?”

“Just like you’re dancing with me?”

 “No, not this close and you know that.” Y/N stepped back. “We should stop.”

 “But, you said you’ve liked me for a long time.”

 “I did, but I want to be a good friend. I’m sorry, Nate.”

Y/N really didn’t want to, but she pulled away from Nate. She couldn’t believe she’d spent a whole song dancing so close with her friend’s ex. Maddy would kill her if she found out. Maybe if Y/N told her first, things would not be as bad.

“If we can’t dance, can we at least talk?”

Y/N hesitated but nodded slowly.

Nate grabbed her hand and led her upstairs. A few coked out people and couples pushed past them and Y/N felt more and more nervous. They found an empty bedroom and Nate closed the door behind them. The room was dark and Y/N found a light.

 “So, what did you want to talk about?” she made herself comfortable on the bed.

Nate sat next to her and clasped his hands together. “Things with Maddy and me have always been f-ckin’ crazy and they will always be. She always wants to fight when there shouldn’t be a fight.”

“If you wanted to complain to someone about your ex, you could have found someone who wasn’t her friend.”

 “Stop, what I’m saying is I don’t like it, it’s exhausting, and…and we bring out the worst in each other. But you, I don’t think you would do that to me.” He glanced down at Y/N’s hands. “You’re kind and you want the best for everyone.”

 “I try.”

“You would never want to hurt anyone on purpose and you listen, you really listen, and I feel like I could tell you anything.”

 Y/N nodded.

 “The truth is, I’ve liked you since fourth grade too, but I never asked you out because you seemed disinterested.”

 “How’d you get that?”

 “Whenever I tried to talk to you, you wouldn’t talk and I thought that meant you didn’t like me. So, I started going out with Maddy because she was clear about that, but now, I think we could be something.”

 “Just like that? But what about my friends? Maddy and I have the same friends and I don’t want to hurt Maddy.”

“You can make new friends and you’ll have me.” Nate leaned closer to Y/N. “C’mon, Y/N, you know you want this. You’re always thinking of other people, be selfish for once.”

 In that strange bedroom, with the guy she had been crushing on for so long begging her to do something to him, Y/N was at an impasse. She loved Maddy like a sister and didn’t want to divide the group, but Nate was making so many good points. The only reason she did well in school was to please her parents and the only reason she would go out was to please her friends. She didn’t do anything to please herself and this was her chance.

Nate leaned closer to Y/N and looked up at her for confirmation. Y/N closed her eyes and relished in the feeling of Nate’s lips against hers. They were slightly chapped but he knew how to use them, applying pressure in the right places at the right times. His hands went to her waist and Y/N wrapped hers around his neck. He slid her into his lap and Y/N gasped.

 “Did I scare you?” he whispered.

 “A little,” Y/N murmured.

 He rubbed her sides and kept kissing her, adding tongue. Y/N shyly tapped her tongue against his and he smirked into it. He rolled his hips underneath her and Y/N gasped at the shocking feeling, pulling away.

 “Does it feel good?”

 Y/N nodded.

 “Say it.”

 “Yes.”

 “Yes, what?”

 “Yes, it feels good.”

 Nate nipped at her neck and Y/N moaned out, grinding down on him. Nate’s hands tensed around her hips. “You’re so hot,” he whispered in her ear.

 Y/N laughed.

 “Seriously, I’ve thought about what this would be like, what we would be like.”

 “And?”

 “And, so far, it’s better than I thought.” He kissed down to her collarbone and palmed her chest. “I’ve thought about these.”  “Really? But they’re so small.”

 “No, they’re just right.” He bit the base of her neck and Y/N hissed. “I’ve also thought about your legs, how they distract me during practice when you guys are outside. They’re so soft but firm.”

  Nate kissed her again and pinned her on the bed. Y/N gasped as she felt one of Nate’s hands trail up her dress. Her mind was jumbled up and she didn’t know what to think. Everything he did felt so good, he knew just where to kiss and nip. He looked at her with full-blown lust in his eyes. Maybe Y/N had finally found the prince she’d been waiting for, but he was always there.

 Then, his hand went a little too high. She squirmed and shook her head.

 “Nate, that’s a little too much.”

 “What?”

 “I said it’s a little too much,” she repeated louder.

 “I thought you liked it, don’t you want this? Isn’t this what you’ve always thought about?” Nate tangled his hand in her underwear.

 “Nate, stop, I don’t want to do this.”

 “You weren’t acting that way earlier.”

 “Nate, please, stop.”

 “You don’t want me to stop.”

 “Yes, I do, please!”

  Y/N tried to push him away but Nate pinned her down. He rolled his hips into hers and Y/N turned away, tears falling down her cheeks.

 “Do you feel how much I want you? I’d do just about anything to have you.”

 “Nate, stop!”

 “Shut up!” Nate growled.

 One of his hands let go of her wrist and wrapped around her neck. He had a death grip on her neck and Y/N started gasping for air.

 “Don’t pretend like you didn’t want this? Like you weren’t dancing on me, begging for it? You were jealous that Maddy got me whenever she wanted. You wanted me all for yourself just like I want you.”

  Y/N wanted to scream at him, tell him he was wrong about everything, but was he? When Maddy talked about sex with him, Y/N would feel pangs of guilt and jealousy for wanting to trade places with her. Most of all, she wanted Nate to get off her. She wanted Nate to leave her alone forever. When she looked at him, the sweet fourth grade boy was gone and replaced by a full grown monster. Why was she getting monsters when she wanted princes? What did she do to deserve this?

  Nate unzipped his jeans and tears kept flowing down Y/N’s face, ruining Jules’ masterpiece. He kept his eyes trained on her and Y/N was losing oxygen, she couldn’t think to move any of her muscles. Just as he was about to push in her, someone banged on the door.

 “Occupied!” Nate yelled over his shoulder.

 “Whatever.”

 Nate turned back and looked down at Y/N, shaking and crying. He leaned down and whispered, “Don’t make a sound.”  He released his grasp on her neck and pinned her wrists again. Y/N’s throat felt numb and she couldn’t do anything. She inhaled through her nose and before Nate could thrust, she took gathered all her strength to knee him. Nate groaned and rolled onto his side, releasing her wrists. Y/N scrambled to her feet, unlocked the door, and ran outside. People in the hallway looked at her bewildered. Y/N nearly fell down the stairs and ran into Rue.

 “Y/N, what happened?” she asked.

 Y/N gasped for a moment before burying her face in Rue’s shoulder and crying, full-on, heaving, shoulder-shaking crying. Rue held her close and ran her hands through her hair. “Nate,” was the only word she managed to get out.

 Before Rue could only see Red, Fez approached them. “Hey, I’m about to head out if you wanted a ride. What’s up?”

 “I think Nate tried to do something to Y/N,” Rue whispered. “Y/N, could you look at me?”

 Y/N straightened up and Rue and Fezco saw the handprints around her neck. Both of their expressions hardened.

 “Where’s Maddy, Cassie, and Jules?” Rue asked.

 “Right here,” Maddy said as they approached. Her eyes widened at Y/N. “Y/N, what the f-ck happened?”

 Y/N swallowed but winced at the feeling. “Nate tried to rape me,” she rasped out.

 In an instant, Fez and Rue handed Y/N over to Cassie, Maddy, and Jules. Y/N collapsed in their arms and continued crying.

 “Honey, it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay,” Cassie said.

 “Breathe, Y/N, you need to breathe,” Jules muttered.

  “I’m so sorry, Maddy, I’m so sorry,” Y/N said.

  “No, don’t apologize,” Maddy insisted, stroking Y/N’s hair.

  They cleared a couch for Y/N to rest and they continued trying to comfort her. A few seconds later, Nate came tumbling down the stairs, with Rue and Fezco on his heels. Rue was cursing at him while Fezco laid more punches on him. Nate’s face was already bruised and scratched up.

 “It’s not my fault!” Nate spat out. “I told you, she came onto me, she’s been in love with me since fourth grade, she wanted this! Maddy, Y/N’s a bad friend, that’s not my fault.”

 “Don’t even talk to me right now or I swear, Rue and Fezco will have to keep me from killing you,” Maddy hissed.  

 “I’m a bad friend,” Y/N whimpered.

 “No, you’re not,” Maddy, Cassie, and Jules said.

 “I liked him a lot, even when you dated, I liked him and then he…he came onto me, maybe I deserved it.”

 “Y/N, no one deserves to get raped, no one, you did not ask for this,” Jules assured her.

  Y/N turned to lay face up. “Why does everything hurt so much? I just wanted someone to like me since loving me is asking for too much.”

  “No, it’s not,” Cassie hushed.

  “And we love you,” Maddy said.

  “I love you the most,” Jules said.

 Y/N smiled slightly. “But you know what I mean.”

 Y/N loved her friends and appreciated their love, but she wanted the fairytale. She’d convinced herself that maybe she would get some idea of that with Nate but she was so wrong. She wanted the dream and got a nightmare. It was a terrible f-cking way to learn how real life works, but it had to happen. Besides, we’re in high school and the love Y/N truly wanted was impossible to find in high school, especially East Highland. Y/N ended up pressing charges on Nate and that encouraged Maddy to open up about stuff he’d done to her during their relationship. Everything is different with Y/N now, I can see it in her eyes, they aren’t as bright as they used to be. Before the stuff with her mom, they would shimmer and after that, some glints remained. Now, it was like looking in a dark hole and I could guess what she was feeling since I’ve been in that place too----in fact, I’m still in it. I think the saddest part is she always had so much optimism and now it’s gone before she’s twenty and I don’t think she’ll get it back.

[sharks833]

Sad Face

Well, my relationship of over a year has come to a very sudden end. I am very saddened by this but to be honest it makes as much sense as the rest of the relationship. We meet here on Tumblr, we became partners for a writing/art event. I had been a reader for this event before and this year I wanted to be a writer. Iv passively been a part of the community around the event for a while now and wanted to try and become active in the community. I enjoy reading and have always wanted to try my hand at writing on the count that I have a very vivid imagination and would like to try and get some of my thoughts down. I thought doing so on Tumblr would be a good idea both because I could give back to a wonderful community and people would be more understanding of my dyslexia which I use editing software to try and correct but sometimes even they don’t understand what I’m trying to spell (which spell check never does). To be honest, I was also looking for a more intimate relationship, but never really expected anything to come from it. I was very fortunate to get a wonderful partner but was too shy to ask them if they were a girl until I accidentally called them him for my big post and quickly edited it (a point that I got a lot of much deserved teasing for once we started dating). We kept talking after the event though and slowly after talking to each other every day we became closer and closer until I asked them if they wanted to start dating. Originally they said no, to which I was surprised and disappointed but understood that they were wary of dating after past experiences which I was made aware of. I thought they deserved a wonderful boyfriend and always hated when people said that and yet were themselves unwilling to be that person, so I offered myself. It wasn't long after that however when they confessed their own love for me and would love to date with an understanding of the things they would be uncomfortable with given their past. I was happy to be able to just talk to them and was more than happy to make any concession that would make them happy. A year passes and it’s both one of the best and worst years of my life.

(This is the complaining paragraph and if anyone reads this feel free to skip)

I quit my awful part-time job and moved out of my apartment I share with a roommate to try and live with my aunt and cousin in DC to try and go to CU in DC or find a job that I don't hate. Unfortunately the week I get there covid hits DC and we have quarantine. After about two months it's very clear things aren't going to work out and I go back home. Sadly my mother passed suddenly a few years ago and my father didn’t waste time finding remarrying, selling our family home, and moving in with her across the state line. At this time my twin brother gets recalled from the peace corps and now we are both in this strange house with this woman that we barely know who retired the moment she married my father much to his dismay. Were both forced to very quickly get any job and I find myself in hell on a tugboat for two months. Living in that hell for two weeks at a time working six hours, sleeping six hours. Once off the boat I get two weeks off and get to try and hide in a room that’s not mine from the monster that is my fathers’ wife. All while studying for the GRE and joining my brother in an online class to learn all the math. After two months I quit that hell much to the horror of my father. I’m quickly forced, and I mean forced as much as one can without putting a weapon against my skin, to work five hours of labor at FedEx throwing boxes in the back of semi-trucks. After another month the monster has had enough and me and my twin are moved into an apartment we didn’t get to choose but still pay everything for. The apartment isn't so bad as I'm away from my father and his wife and me and my twin took the GRE and will now be attending grad school in August through housing and such still need to be acquired.

Through this time though I've had the wonderful experience of being in a loving relationship. Every day I talked to my love and she talked to me. We went on dates and skyped with each other and I honestly loved Them more than I have loved anyone before. I want to fill a page full of all the wonderful things that we did and how happy I truly was at the time but those moments were between us and I like to keep the details of my love life private. My very first relationship was a long-distance one and it was a wonderful six months before it quickly became one-sided. For the next two years that we were dating, I was miserable because I didn't understand that people with more experience in dating get bored of relationships. After that, I never wanted to be in a one-sided relationship again. Sadly that's exactly where I found myself the moment they came home from the end of the semester. I always knew they were close to their family, and didn't and don’t mind being second or third to family, but I wasn't even last on the list. We went from talking every moment of the day to, from waking up to falling asleep, to never at all. I for my part tried to text her and keep a lively conversation, but she was never interested. After a week I figured she needed some time for herself but it became clear after another week if I wasn't talking to her then I'd never hear from her again. I tried to talk to her about this, and every time she apologized and said she felt awful about not talking and she would in the next few days but she never did. I talked about my past relationship with her and how I didn't want to be in another one-sided relationship again, and just as I had made concessions for the sake of our relationship she would too. I didn't think a single hello sent to me in the span of a month would be a deal-breaker to our relationship but here we are.

We first met in September of 2019 and for almost two years I felt like, for the first time in my life, there was somebody that actually cared if I was around. Iv always had a problem with saying no to people and giving more the is proportionate and as a result, always felt used or taken advantage of. I struggle with knowing how much to contribute to any kind of relationship and it has hindered my ability to be in healthy relationships whatever form they take. For the first time in my life though I found someone who gave to me just as much as I gave to them. Unsurprisingly however they admitted to me that they suffer from that same problem and that they never focus on themselves. I don't have too many friends so I'm normally focusing on myself and it was nice to be there for someone else. However, they have a family and others to focus on and as a result, almost never get to focus on themselves. Now that they are home however they would like to focus on themselves and no longer want anything to do with me. I get that though I don’t know why you can’t focus on yourself and still send me a hello, I don't want them to talk to me because they feel pressured to. If they have decided they no longer want me in their life suddenly then all I can do is hope they are able to achieve their goal and move on. I will always love and respect them for the kindness they have shown me.

As a moral philosopher who has studied the nature of virtue, I truly believe this person to be so virtuous as to be one of the greatest people, I have ever met. An observation I came to make shortly after meeting them, and I am very grateful I had their compassion for even a short time. I thought if I could lead them down the path of some philosophical school they would be able to find the answer to the problems they had but I never knew how to do it and now it's too late. My only regret is that I couldn’t help them with the problems more. In the entirety of our relationship from the first meeting to the end we never even got into one argument. Technically we did have somewhat of a fight when she decided to tell me she could no longer be in a relationship with me and work on herself but she ended the relationship the moment she left her dorm, she just forgot to let me know. I am again deeply saddened by this but I always knew in the back of my mind she too would get bored of me and move on. It's been the thread through all my relationships dating back to that first one and I knew it would appear again, I just wish my head had told my heart. I know in every relationship you tell each other you want to spend the rest of your life with the other one but for some reason I really believed it this time, making this loss all the more crushing. I know they won’t read this as I suspect only two people ever will and that for the best, I doubt she is saddened by this whole affair but on the off chance she is I don't want them to feel bad. I have always wanted them to be happy from the start and even know that it's over. That's all I want, it's all I ever wanted truly. Plato says happiness is what happens when all three parts of the soul are doing their work well, each part representing a virtue. I’ve always been good at knowing what to do (desire) and I'm alright at knowing how to do it (reason), but I've always been horrible at doing it (courage). She led me to courage though, both for her and myself. And for those moments when the three came together through her and for her, I can truly say to have been happy. I don’t know if I ever inspired anything in her that led her to happiness but I hope she can find someone that does, and that I can come to know the courage she showed me I had myself.

[viasatellite]

title: Lost in a dream summary: "You were young, you had dreams, and I wasn't part of any of it." Maybe love isn't all there is, after all. SasuSaku and LDR. Oneshot.  notes:   this is my late Valentine's fic (another LDR fic) and i was listening to Lady Antebellum's Big Love in a Small Town the whole time! That really set the mood for this one.

-------

She doesn't count a lot of things.

She doesn't count how many hours of sleep she loses trying to save lives and forgetting to feed herself, not the number of times she's received emergency calls from the hospital, the times she's had to cancel on her dinner dates with Ino and the girls, and definitely not the attempts her memories have made at cleaving their way through her.

But it's been seven years, and the scent of roses intrudes into her rather perfunctory sense of smell of washed up, sanitized corridors. It's the hospital; it's all a routine until someone falls and hangs in a critical balance between life and death.

But even death becomes familiar after a while.

It's been five years, she counts, since her fantastic romance blew up into shreds and tatters. But they were young – there was, expectedly, a lot of passion and thrill, but no direction.

"We're young and we have our dreams. My dream is not here. Yours is. I have no need of such complication."

Sakura finds herself choking up as she recalls how easy it was for him to take her heart and for her to ransom herself with his promises that eventually amounted to nothing.

"But Sasuke, three years is too long. You can't just throw that away. We can make this work if we do it together. We'll find a way," she coaxed, reaching for his hand.

Her hand never reached his as he turned his back, not mincing his words. Sakura closes his eyes, blocking him from resounding in her head.

The sound of her phone snaps her out of her gloomy daze, and she can't be more thankful.

"Ino . . . Oh, alright. Yes, I understand. I'm fine! No worries, darling. Have fun okay? And tell me about it later? Great then talk to you later."

They were supposed to finally have their long-awaited date especially now that the season calls for it, but Ino actually got herself a "real" Valentine's date, and Sakura isn't about to take that chance away from her.

If she were to be honest, she didn't feel like going out on this day anyway. It's heavily laden with societal expectations and laced with her personal memories from the past, and she doesn't want to relive any of it.

"Haruno-sensei!"

It's one of the nurses, and she's carrying two paper bags as she rushes to meet Sakura.

"I made chocolates for everyone. Here's one for you. Hope you'll like it. Happy Valentine's!"

She's gone before Sakura can even say thank you. She looks at what she's just been given, and the sudden familiarity of it all floods her.

"I know you don't like chocolates, especially MY chocolates, but I made this for you anyway."

He took her offering and looked at her for a while. She blushed under the severity of his gaze.

"You can throw it if you want to but don't do it now, not in front of me, okay!"

He smirked and opened the box before finally taking a piece into his mouth. Sakura had her mouth opened the whole time.

"I never said I didn't like your chocolates. You're five years too late though. I've been expecting this since high school."

Sakura pouted. "What do you mean? If I had so much showed you a tinge of interest, you would've turned me away like you did with all those fans! And . . . and we have been friends since we were babies, I didn't know how to not make it feel . . . incestuous."

Sasuke made a step toward her and she visibly took a step back.

"Sakura, I never saw you as a fan. You're a friend – "

"Exactly my point!"

"And special. You are special."

"Oh."

She smiled at him, her heart all of a pitter and a patter.

"Then I guess I'm lucky?" she chuckled.

He closed the distance and pulled her against him, pressing a kiss on her forehead.

"Maybe you are. Make me some more chocolates?" he teased, waiting for her reaction.

"You meanie. That's not fair. You gotta make me chocolates too!"

She was supposed to throw him a mildly annoyed look but it all melted away when he leaned in and captured her lips. She felt him tightening his hold against her and she couldn't help but wound her hand in his hair, desperately kissing him back.

She was breathless when he finally stopped. "Do you still need me to make you chocolates?"

She laughed and shook her head before reaching for another kiss.

Sakura finally makes it inside her car, wondering who to call, or if she should just head straight home especially since this is a rare opportunity for rest. But her feelings do not go unquiet and she needs some mighty dose of comfort. Maybe she could drop by her favorite bar? Drink herself to oblivion? But what if duty calls, she can't be that irresponsible. She just needs to drown out the offending memories. She should be fine with some company, have some space from herself. She doesn't know where to go, but she starts the car, hoping she'll figure it out sooner than the memories, more of them, catching up to her.

Sakura thought they could just continue forever. She never considered the distinct possibility that things come to an end, even what they had. They would have minor fights about the silliest of things like how Sasuke would sometimes take forever to respond to her texts, how Sakura would sometimes show up late for their study sessions, or how sometimes they were just both too busy to even see or spend time with each other even though they lived in the same city.

Sasuke wasn't usually bothered by it. It was mostly Sakura who couldn't take it sometimes, demanding more time to be together yet at the same time wholeheartedly understanding that on top of attending different universities, both of them had other things they needed to be focusing on aside from their relationship. Sakura was studying to be a doctor, and Sasuke training to be the future CEO of their company, although with his brother being around, that wasn't really a possibility unless his brother stepped down from the position.

But Sasuke had a dream of starting his own company and he had always told Sakura that he couldn't do that in their city as it would require having a large network of connections and a move elsewhere. He was also looking at going to grad school in another country.

Sakura knew all this, but she had been deeply caught up in this swift moving dream of being together with Sasuke that she didn't realize they were rapidly headed for a steep descent.

A few days before what was supposed to be their third anniversary and a celebratory date for their graduation, Sasuke broke the news that he got accepted into a university in Europe and would be away for at least two years.

"I'm so so happy for you, Sasuke-kun! Congratulations!"

Sakura jumped up to hug him. She stayed like that for a while but with no sign of Sasuke returning the gesture.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Sakura, I don't think we can continue doing this."

"What do you mean, can't continue?"

"You have a life here and will soon become a doctor. But I can't stay here."

Sakura bit her lip, trying to keep her tears at bay, as she realized where this conversation was going. She saw it necessary to reason with Sasuke with logic and she didn't want to show how emotional she was getting.

"Look. I know you can't stay, Sasuke-kun. You've been telling me. So you go study wherever you want to and no matter how long you want to. And I'll just be here waiting."

She tried convincing him with a smile but even she herself was finding it hard to stay optimistic.

"I don't want you to wait. I don't want either of us to wait."

Hinata is calling, and Sakura delightfully welcomes a much-needed distraction from her aggravating memories. Tears are threatening to fall again, but it has been seven long years, and she still feels the pain as if it was just carved yesterday.

She calms herself down before answering the call.

"Hinata?"

"Sakura! So glad you answered the call. Where are you? Do you have a date?"

"Oh, I . . . it was cancelled."

She's been playing this little game of pretend with herself and everyone else. She feels guilty but she's not about to show her friends that after seven years, she's still stuck in the same spot where he left her.

"Great! Are you free right now? Naruto and I didn't want to go out and just decided to cook together. We'd like you to judge who did better. . ."

Sakura can hear Naruto screaming "Me of course!" in the background. She chuckles lightly.

"Oh god, you two are as adorable as ever. Count me in. I'm on my way!"

"See you, Sakura-chan!"

Filled with newfound cheerfulness and excitement, she then wipes her tears away before speeding up and making a sharp turn at the end of the street. Suddenly, it isn't a cheerless road anymore, and the sadness that seemed impenetrable has now been cast away. It might be only temporary, but she needs to breathe and her best friends are just what she needs to accomplish that.

She's holding a box of chocolates as she opens the door stoked to see the two lovebirds and the mess they have made in the kitchen.

But instead she sees him seated at the table, eyes in her direction, as if already expecting her to show up behind the door.

She almost drops the chocolates and accusingly glares at Naruto who has just come out from the kitchen. She doesn't say anything but demands an answer silently.

Naruto tries to say something when Hinata comes and runs to her."

"Oh Sakura, you're finally here! Come, come, and we have a lot of food for you to taste!"

Hinata picks up the box from her hands and practically drags her to the table. Sakura has no choice but to be seated in front of Sasuke who she hasn't seen for ages and she wishes she didn't have to see him again. Having painful memories of him has been more than enough.

"Hello, Sakura."

His voice has become fuller but still icy. She sends a wry smile his way without directly looking his way. Oh, how she wants to continue faking it, pretending she's been okay, but not like this. She isn't prepared for any of this. Pain does find you in unlikely places, and she just wants the dinner to be over soon.

She can tell how hard the couple is trying to make the atmosphere less tense, throwing questions around for anyone to answer. But she doesn't want to engage in any of it. She's just been focused on tasting different dishes, dryly commenting her evaluations every now and then.

"Teme, I didn't expect you'd even be back here. Thought you would stay in Europe forever!" Naruto begins as he starts chomping down on his plates of food.

"I planned to but we're expanding and thought it best to have our first branch here."

"Awesome! Does that mean you'll be staying here for a while?"

"Maybe. But I'll have to go back there as soon as I can."

"Oh, you haven't been actively responding to our chat. So . . . are we missing something here? Do you have a fiancée now that you can't leave?" he teases.

Naruto stops as soon as he says it, and Sakura sees Hinata slapping at his arm. But Naruto coughs and continues.

"Sakura has been dating around, too, right, Saku-chan? Tell us about your recent conquest!"

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata warns, slapping a hand over her partner's mouth.

Sakura lets out a weak laugh.

"No, I have no conquests. I don't have the time and energy needed to be in a relationship. And . . ." she scoffs, "it's pointless anyway."

.

.

"But Sasuke, three years is too long.

You can't just throw that away.

We can make this work if we do it together.

We'll find a way."

"No need to. It won't work. It's all pointless anyway."

.

.

Sakura abruptly rises from her seat.

"I . . . I need to go. I have to go back to the hospital."

She hastily gives Hinata a hug. "As always, you did better than him," she smiles at Hinata as she glares at Naruto.

She then rushes out of the door, quickly fumbling for her key inside her bag as she takes deep breaths, keeping her emotions in check.

"Sakura."

She feels herself whirled around, and she breaks down at the sight of him.

"Why the hell are you here? Why did you even come back. . ." she looks at him straight, furious tears marring her vision.

"I . . . I don't know. Maybe I wanted to see you and apologize for what I did," he says softly, looking down.

"But what for, Sasuke! You. . . you just threw it all away! Didn't even give it a chance, left without saying goodbye and suddenly after 7 fucking years, you want to say sorry? For what exactly? For hurting me? For not loving me at all?"

Sasuke looks at her firmly. "You know that's not true. It's not true that I didn't love you."

"Everything that you did that day told me what you truly felt, Sasuke, and I don't need your sorry. I don't need any explanation from you. Just let me . . . let me be, I can't – "

"Sakura, I was scared. The distance would've hurt you more, the waiting would've killed you."

Sakura smiles sadly and shakes her head. "You killed me the moment you walked away. I would've done anything to keep us. But I guess you just weren't ready. You were young, you had dreams, and I wasn't part of any of it."

"I'm sorry, Sakura. I'm sorry for hurting you. I wish I could take it all back. In the end, those dreams meant nothing."

She remembers touching his face before smoothing out the creases and stroking away the sadness and exhaustion. She remembers how it was all so simple back then and wishes she could just take everything back, too.

Before she even notices what she's doing, her hand is already a mere inch from his cheek, ready to touch him again, to do all of that for him again. But when she realizes, she smiles tearfully and drops her hand.

"I wish you happiness, Sasuke-kun."

She loved him so much that walking away from him was something she would have never trusted herself to do. But they were young, they had dreams, and somehow, they lost each other.

There's no looking back.

...

Fin.

(might actually continue here)

[ladyloveandjustice]

Summer 2019 Anime Overview: Given

While the rest of my reviews are gonna be quick takes, I love Given so much that this ended up being something close to a proper review. Gotta love on the stuff that deserves it!

Given

Given is definitely going to be in the top five anime of the year for me. I say that with complete confidence even through the year isn’t over yet. That’s how good it is.

This is a story that combines band and music drama with high school boy romance drama and even throws in some grad school guy love drama for good measure. But it’s also an incredibly moving, well-executed story about coping with grief and survivor’s guilt. It can be very funny, very adorable and is often heartwrenchingly emotional.

I adore the two leads and their relationship. Ritsuka is endearing from the second he bursts into the scene- He’s a dork who’s instinctively kind and helpful even as he blusters about it and complains dramatically. He can be bad at communicating but he really does try his best, bless him. He’s just a complete mess constantly overwhelmed by the feels he gets from this weird guy he’s crushing on. 

Mafuyu is equally wonderful- Ritsuka describes him as a “lost puppy” when he first meets him and, well, that’s not inaccurate.The kid is little awkward and taciturn, yet his strong emotions and high enthusiasm shine through all the time. Mafuyu is also a lot more complex than he initially appears. He has a TON of baggage and intense turmoil he’s going through underneath his sweet, spacey-seeming exterior.

Unlike a lot of characters in the BL genre (and teen romance in general lbr), Mafuyu has a romantic past, he’s well aware he’s gay and his ex isn’t some one dimensional evil caricature either. It’s also later revealed Mafuyu IS aware of how he comes off and gets sad about not being able to express emotions and socialize like “normal people” do. He’s a very resonant and well-thought-out character, and his journey is nuanced, fantastic and tugs on the heartstrings.

Then there’s the two grad school guys, Haruki and Akihiko. They’re fun,interesting characters who’ve got some thorny romantic tension going between them. They both seem, realistic for their age. I mean, Haruki is  constantly burying his face in his hands and internally screaming, which is extremely relatable and absolutely accurate to my grad school existence at least. Their different relationships with their sexuality and feelings also have a touch of realism and nuance. One of this pair has been in relationships with plenty of guys and girls alike and is pretty comfortable with his sexuality-but he clings to some of his past in what might be an unhealthy way. On the opposite spectrum, the other man accepted his feelings long ago, yet never acts of them, seemingly deciding it’s hopeless.

When they’re not busy being disasters themselves, these two act as mentors and sorta big bros to our disaster teens. This honestly rules. As I said in my Bloom into You review, it’s my favorite thing when media reflects how different generations of people in the lgbtq+ community can help and support each other.

In fact, there’s a really touching and realistic conversation where Ritsuka talks about his insecurities over his emerging crush with one of the older guys and shares a bit of his own experience to reassure Ritsuka. He lets Ritsuka know, no, there’s nothing wrong with him and  there are people who’ve been there and who understand. The whole thing is just really well done. It’s also great because it feels like the show is really trying to warmly reassure any viewers who might be struggling. It shouldn’t be a rare thing to feel like a story about queer romance is truly keeping the queer audience in mind, yet it is RARE. So it makes me happy to see this story reach out.

Given is on point with it humor, characters, romance, exploration of grief and deals well with issues- but it’s got even more going for it than that! It’s a really well directed anime. The pace is slow and contemplative, with an absorbing atmosphere that really draws the viewer in and makes them feel like they’re living day-to-day with the characters. The dramatic moments, the funny moments, the sweet moments- they all hit just perfectly. The care taken in telling this story really comes through. 

The animation budget was clearly not super high, but the story makes the most of it, and the characters are really expressive when they need to be. The music is also very nice and generally well integrated, with one song in particular guaranteed to break your heart right in half. The season also stops at a good point. Though the manga is still ongoing, these eleven episodes tell a pretty complete, lovely little story that still leaves the door open for more, with stuff that has yet to be resolved lingering in the background for a sequel to pick up on (and it will be picked up on-a sequel movie focusing on the grad school guys has already been announced).

The anime is tasteful, so my content warnings have more to do with themes of the story rather than any gaffes.

(I try to keep it vague but there are slight spoilers in the following paragraphs. You’ve been warned).

Suicide and depression are discussed and referenced heavily throughout the story, but dealt with sensitively and no graphic content is present. As mentioned, the story explores grief and survivor’s guilt, so if that hits too close to home, be aware. 

As far as consent issues go, there is a surprise kiss at one point, but the character who initiated it was so emotionally overwhelmed at the time it takes him a while to even remember he did that, and when he does, he’s mortified and freaks out. There’s also a small gag with one of the guys wanting to take a picture his crush sleeping after said crush barges into his house and crashes on his couch. And finally, there are hints that there’s something kinda shady going on with one of the grad school guys, but it doesn’t come to fruition in this part of the anime- stuff might go down in the movie though! But overall, the main romance in this series is just super wholesome, adorable AND emotionally gripping!

(spoilz end)

By the way, there are actually girls in this series, though they play pretty minor role. Ritsuka’s sister is great, she really speaks her mind and she and her brother have a fun, somewhat combative, but still clearly loving relationship. There’s also a girl who has a crush on one of our guys, and while she does do some questionable things, she’s has a bit more self-awareness and is treated with more sympathy than her archetype usually gets.

If I haven’t already made it clear, 10/10 anime, would recommend. Do yourself a favor and check it out.

[starryrogue]

So some people said they wanted my extended Blathers/Tom Nook story. 

I haven't written anything like this in years. But it was a nice exercise.(its pretty rough)

So blow the cut an Idea Blather/Tom Nook, childhood friends to???

When they were boys they would stay up into the night dreaming of the opportunities of city life. The success and sophistication. The chance to grow where the same festivals happened season after season, where weeds popped up more than people. Tom Nook knew he could get out here no sweat. He’d been hacking as long as he could remember. Taking food from the unsuspecting and odd jobs where he could just to get by. Blathers never worried about that with his family but he never seemed to worry about what was in front of him. He was either focused on the tiniest of details on a hermit crab or the vastness of history behind, never on how to act on day to day. It was the most annoying quality to someone who used all his energy to survive and to plan, but it was also the most admiring. Tom could give him something as simple as an interesting rock and it was like giving his friend the universe. He would sit back and lose himself in the facts and figures that would gush out after and pretend he could be part of that universe forever. 

The one thing Blathers could never get right was astronomy, but when they lay in his back yard, Tom could weave stories in the spaces between. Quick thinking and connections. He’d always been envious of that cleverness. But what did it matter when it belonged to someone so close. He could sit back and learn about how Tom saw the world too. The knowledge way just as valuable 

Tom knew he couldn’t bear to stay in the town any longer and soon left. He was sure Blather’s who saw entire worlds in everyday life could be fine, even happy despite being. For someone as detailed oriented as Blather’s it wasn’t hard to spot when a large absence appears where your best friend used to be.

Life with Redd was exciting. It was everything Tom Nook thought he wanted. Making big money. Scamming fools for profit. Succeeding in the big city. Parties and Clubs and Fun. Art heists, back alley dealings, con after scam after ruse and bells…lots and lots of bells... And the charming devil may care fox he could spend the thrills of thievery and the late nights of drinking and partying with. A rush of a man who would help him with any of his desires in life, form the finical, to the late night personal. After a youth in poverty in a small backwater town, the money was what mattered.

Not for everyone. Blathers who prized intellect over success. Who valued passion, over profit. Who spent all night studying everything from history to entomology (the stuff of nightmares, but at least it kept him awake into the early hours). Knowledge and experience has value that bells couldn’t buy. Teaching a little sister the stars. Helping his friend start a small coffee shop. Applying over and over for universities, and grants and materials. And despite the rejection, and there were many, the study of life itself could outweigh any small inconveniences  

When Tom ever needed to get away from the hustle and bustle, or away from an unsatisfied “customer” he would always make a point to drop in on old friends. And he knew just who would want to hear his storied and who he could turn to for peace of mind. Hand him a gift and let the words wash over you and it will be like you never left. However when he went to visit Blather he could only see everything he’d run away from. The cramped apartment he shared with his sister, 2 cots separated by a wall of shared book. His closet of an office acted as a second wardrobe and workspace and sometimes a bedroom after late nights of research. The underfunded museum’s café was more often his kitchen than not, not that the barista minded the company or the small impromptu lectures on archelogy and anthropology. 

Tom thought Blathers deserved so much better. Who could live like this? Scraping by in a town whose population dwindled each year, where the donations had stopped coming in. Blathers was so smart and clever, he could be working anywhere he wanted. why stay here? He hoped his gift of a Wistful Painting would be a consolation and an invitation. A glimpse at the wealth he could have. He deserved the world. A proper library instead of a stack of second hand torn textbooks. Proper equipment and an assistant to take care of those nasty bugs, to have the bags disappear from under his deep intelligent eyes. To rest, to be rich, to be happy. 

The night before he was set to return to the city, Blather was waiting in his office by his request. It was hard to move between the clutter, the extra person and the painting.  This had been a hard one to acquire and the reason behind his latest trip from the city. The danger even leading him to flee from his safe house and split with Redd, taking his prize to safest place he knew, where no one would look and with the person he trusted most. 

Pressed up next to his friend, he watched closely for the excitement and happiness upon the opening of his gift. And while it started with the bright eyes excitement Tom had grown to admire, it swiftly shifted to confusion, to realization, to the kind of sweating fidgeting horror as if Blathers was face to face with a tarantula. 

What was supposed to be a sweet moment, a gift for a dear friend turned into an interrogation. “Where did you get this? It’s been all over the news?!” A pause and a conclusion drawn “Was it you?” More an accusation than a question.  Tom tried to justify himself, not even getting to invite Blathers into his world of wealth while on the defensive. It became clear he had not brought a prize to share, but crossed a line. He couldn’t lie to the face of his most honest friend admitting to what he had done to steal and take, how great it was to have wealth and room to grow and to be far away from this dying village in the middle of nowhere. 

Those large eyes studied him as if he were an ant, a mix of fear and curiosity instead of the enthusiastic awe tom had hoped for. Blather was unable to look away at this puzzle he needed to solvee. His eyes shifted back to the stolen goods where he found another curiosity more interesting than his dear friend turned thief.

“This isn’t even the real one.” 

“…What?”

“Does that look like a Pearl Earring to you?”

It wasn’t possible. He had removed it from the gallery wall himself. Had it stashed with him for the last week under his old bed in his childhood home (more like a shack) and no one here was bold enough to leave town, let alone steal. Only one other person knew where the painting was. Redd

He left that night, leaving Blathers with the fake painting and unanswered questions. Back at the safe house, it was clear he lost more than one painting. The place had been emptied out. Every fake watch and ID, the tools of the trade but also the things that had made this a home. The furniture gone, the silverware filched, each poster and cushion and every scrap of food disappeared. All that was left was his stripped bed, half of his clothes, a half empty bell bag and a single gingko leaf resting on the bare mattress. 

The Museum had long since closed. Paintings had been moved or sold to private bidders, the specimens had been relocated. The fossils had been the most painful. It had taken so long to finish the exhibit and it had only taken a week to take it all down. Brewster had helped him make ends meet when he wasn’t subbing a class. Blathers tried to make learning fun, but students weren’t like the patrons who had volunteered to learn. The kids would just sit and not even pretend to listen over their worksheets. Between looking for a more permanent job and the long hours at the café, there had been no time to further his studies. On the upside, this was the most sleep he had gotten in years, but it was never restful. Celeste had left for college and now grad school and so he had more space to spread out, but it just felt empty even with the piles of unread books filling the leftover space.  Behind the stacks propped on the wall, the girl with the …Star earing stared at him. He hadn’t been able to let it go but didn’t want such an insult to art looming over his home. 

Flipping through his mail of would-be bookmarks and bills, a hand written letter. His name scribbled on the top by childish hand. An invitation and brochure? The note offered him a spot as curator and surveyor of an island, a chance to run a museum of his own on a tropical get away! This was too good to be true but it made his heart flutter none the less. A place to put his specific degree and interest to the test. The whole letter smattered with personal details about his life only ignited his curiosity. Signed at the bottom T&t&t N. The enigmatic initials only another mystery to be solved then he turned to the more professional looking brochure, for a tropical getaway. A beautiful view stamped with a name that he thought he’d buried behind, but like the portrait squirreled away behind his book, he knew it was always there  

What a beautiful scam. A promise at a new start. A blank slate for those who could help build a new community. A low price in exchange for free labor? On the back, an older version of a thief, who looked as if he’d gotten away and grown fat and happy. No doubt at someone’s expense... He almost dismissed the whole thing out of hand but looking further down showed two mini versions of himself on either side. Family? Children? And further still surrounded by a smattering of smiling faces, all looking a little burnt, and a smidge filthy, with dirt under their nails and wrinkles in their clothes, but beaming ear to ear. The mark of honest fulfilling work. 

His buzzing phone pulled him out of his curiosity. 

“Hello, who may I ask is calling?”

A boy’s well practiced voice

“Hello Mr. Blather sir..sir. We are calling on behalf of Nook Inc…Inc”

A brochure. A promise of a new life. A call. A promise at a fresh start. There are no such thing but what did blathers have left to lose. At the very least it would be a nice vacation with a chance to study the local wildlife. And maybe fill that absence that always lingered in his collection of knowledge. “What happened to him?”

When he arrived, Tom saw, under years of stress, and the bags under his eyes heavier than the ones in his hands, an old friend and a chance to make amends. Blathers could see the work a former thief who was clearly trying in to right wrongs. That was clear as the pilot saluted as he left the vigor that those twins to his bag  A tent has been set up with all his equipment, right next to the amenities provided by resident services. 

As Blathers unpacked, the sun sunk low over the horizon. The cool night air breeze alerting him to someone entering. Tom, with two mason jars full of something tart with cherries and something strong to help with the vacation. A small toast, to fresh starts and new arrivals. Blathers no longer saw the thief he had given up on but a leader and a friend, who needed forgiveness. More from himself than from his friend. If he was being honest, Blather’s had stayed mad b/c it made the distance easier to bear if he could justify it. But as he was handed another drink and single. No a few. No a dozen! Specimens including a fossil.  He knew his friend has come home. 

They sat side by side on the brand new cot (only the best for the new arrival). Blather’s went on and on about each cage and tank, Tom nook felt the same wave wash over him in the pouring of word’s he hadn’t heard in years. And with each drop of knowledge that came, more of that anger leaked out of Blathers. Before he knew it he was ready to sleep, the earliest he’d felt in a while, it couldn’t be past midnight, but travel and drink and forgiveness can really where a person out. What was more pressing was the warm mass pressed into his shoulder. Tom had drifted off somewhere between the sea angel and the squid. He probably should wake him up, but resident services was all the way a few yards over, and besides, it had been years since they slept side by side under the stars. Before closing his tent for the night, he looked up at a new sky and couldn’t recognize the consolations. It was ok, they could make some up together tomorrow.

[vivfm]

            taps  toes   ...   well  hello  i’m  tam  and  i’m  shakin’  in  my  boots  here  ngl  but nonetheless  very  excited  to  be  joinin’  u  guys  here  today  with  elle  woods’  reincarnate,  𝖛𝖎𝖛𝖎𝖆𝖓  “  𝖛𝖎𝖛  ”  𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗𝖘  .  this  broad  radiates  dumb  bitch  energy  but  i  stg  she  has  a  big  brain,  and  can  hold  her  own  so  underestimate her   ...   i  dare  u   ...   moving  on   !   i  am  from  the  est  area  but  am  currently  orbiting  on  a  schedule  of  1pm   -   3am  and  i  spend  my  days  dissecting  texts  from  the  stupidest  boys  on  the  planet  so  if  u’d  like  to  plot  and  show  either  me  or  this  poor  lil  rich  girl  some  attention  feel  free  to  HMU  or  LIKE  this  and  i’ll  come  to  u   !

           *  𝐡𝐚𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐠𝐨𝐬  here  and  do  i  have  the  tea  for  you  .  vivian  is  back  in  bridgehampton  for  the  summer  ,  living  off  the anders'  family  $678  million  net  worth  .  must  be  nice  to  come  back  home  to  the  hamptons  ,  i  wonder  what  her fellow  class  of  2017  grads  think  of  her  return  .  you  know  ,  she was  known  around  town  as  the  pristine  and  for  bhs  senior  superlatives  she  was  crowned  as  most  likely  to  win  an  argument  .  i  wonder  if  that  still  holds  true  today  ,  a  lot  can  change  when  you  go  off  to  yale  and  study  global  affairs  .  either  way  ,  i  bet  she  is  still  very  effulgent  ,  placid  ,  dogmatic  and  reticent  .  hopefully  this  time  next  year  the  plans  to  begin  her  law  degree  at  harvard  come  true  .  in  the  meantime  ,  i  look  forward  to  seeing  pronouns  someone  tell  the  boys  -  samia  at  every  hamptons  function  .  it’s  going  to  be  a  wild  summer  home  ,  welcome  back  .

name   -   vivian  cordelia  anders

birthday   -   july  10th   (   cancer   )

gender  /  pronouns   -   cisfemale,  she/her

family   -   peter  anders   (   father   ),   celeste  anders   (   mother   )

similar  characters   -   elle woods   (   legally  blonde   ),  cordelia  chase   (   buffy  the  vampire  slayer   ),  jackie  burkhart   (   that  70′s  show   ),  charlotte  york   (   sex  and  the  city   ),  rachel  zane   (   suits   ),  noora   (   skam   ),  megara   (   hercules   ),  aimee  gibbs   (   sex  education   )

moral  alignment   -   lawful good

myers  briggs  type   -   esfj-a

aesthetics   -   the  feeling  of  silk  on  fingertips,  gentle  rain  on  with  the  sun  still  shining,  a  phone  call  going  on  to  its  third  hour,  the  smell  of  fresh  baked  bread,  bare  feet  on  fresh  mowed  grass,  a  sigh  of  relief  after  receiving  a  good  grade,  fingernails  buried  into  palms  to  dissuade  feelings  of  anger,  chandelier  earrings,  soft  forehead  kisses

history   -

vivian  anders  was  born  to  peter  and  celeste  anders  in  a  year  where  their  business  had  just  taken  off,  and  the  revenue  grew  as she  did.  the  first  few  years  of  her  life  were  cautious,  not  that  she could  remember  them  anyway,  her parents  refused  to  be  frivolous.  however,  as  their  influence  grew and  their  finances  flourished  they found  themselves  more  grounded  in  the  life  they  had  always  wanted.  this  was  particularly  true  of  celeste,  who  saw  her  growing  baby  girl  as  the  opportunity  to  live  out  the  dreams  she  couldn’t  in  her  youth.

so  as  they  settled  into  their  new  roles,  vivian  became  the  embodiment  of  her  mother’s  expectation.  she  was  polite,  she  kept  her  grades  up,  she  clung  to  popularity,  and  she  let  her  mother  exist  through  her.  she  was  to  be  the  daughter  every  mother  wish  she  had,  no  matter  how  hard  the  ideals  seemed  to  impress  upon  her  own  interests  and  desires.  

being  such  a  paper  doll  proved  to  work  in  her  favor  on  several  occasions  as  well.  she  was  underestimated  at  every  turn,  people  had  trouble  believing  the  girl  with  such  dulcet  tones,  walking  in  tandem  to  her  mother  could  carry  an  intelligent  conversation,  let  alone  working  her  way  into  one  of  the  top  ivy  league  universities.  she  worked  hard  to  make  this  surprising  as  well,  the  only  evidence  found  in  her  name  embossed  on  the  honor  roll  year  after  year,  and  her  top  position  on  the  school’s  debate  team.

so  focused  on  maintaining  her  reputation,  viv  was  often  labeled  as  the  good  girl.  she  always  knew  when  to  stop  drinking  at  parties,  she  was  the  type  to  stay  back  and  help  you  fix  your  mess,  and  she  was  outwardly  a  follower  in  high school

things  took  a  major  shift  in  her  freshman  year  of  university.  without  her  mother  monitoring  her  every  move  she  was  able  to  become  her  own  person,  more  well rounded,  more  outspoken.  it’s  also  brought  about  a  shift  from  leader  to  follower  energy,  she  no  longer  has  interest  in  being  anyone’s  pawn

personality   -

   “   what  like  it’s  hard   ?   ”  personified,  viv  is  modern  day  elle  woods.  she  lights  up  a  room,  is  saturated  in  kindness,  and  uses  logic  and  prose  to  work  through  her  anger  due  to  her  lowkey  (  lowkey  )  mommy  issues,  also  practically  gets  off  on  people  underestimating  her

tries  her  best  to  be  easygoing,  but  definitely  has  control  issues,  likes   to  plan  everything  and  is  extremely  detail  oriented.  doesn’t  love  arguing  but  she’s  good  at  it  and  she  loves  being  right  so   ...   fight  at  ur  own  risk

little  bit  of  a  mom  friend,  can’t  help  it  she  just  feels  as  though  she  has  a  responsibility  to  be  like  that  and  she  also  worries  she  has  nothing  else  to  bring  to  the  picture  so

doesn’t  just  try  her  best,  she  succeeds  baby   !

very  soft,  ngl  she  likes  to  spend  her  money,  sweet  baby  doll  esque  with  a  real  bite  to  her  if  need  be