#and then my dads side of the family are all batshit insane and i don’t have a relationship with anyone from his side

[su1cidoll]

my family making absolutely no effort to even connect with me is so heartbreaking. i feel orphaned

[blorbologist]

Being a scientist and science student irl, what are some tell tale science that Percy himself is a scientist (engineering?) and/or science major (if we're talking AUs)? What type of engineer/techie(?) do you think he would be irl?

Hi anon! 

I’m assuming you mean signs that he’s a scientist?

I’m coming to the table with my (still new) experience as a behavioral ecologist, my dad’s education as an engineer (not a scientist, but very Percy-ish, as you’ll see), and my grandfather’s as a physicist. 

TBH, every field of academia has its own quirks (and biases) and stressors and whatnot - I don’t think there’s any sort of generally applicable ‘scientist’ traits any more than there might be, say, pet owner traits. There’s just such a broad variety, especially given you have people in their respective fields for vastly different reasons (say, Ripley sorts who just want Power and Control, vs someone motivated by curiosity, or by wanting to change the world, or who enjoys academia). 

BUT.

Percy has such on point engineering major vibes. 

(Rest under the cut this got Long)

Engineering sort of… cultivates a certain type of batshit crazy with the insane workload, deadlines, late nights fuelled by caffeine. The better-than-you attitude fuelled by overcoming all those challenges and usually being at least a little bit smart, that drive and enthusiasm when they have An Idea that’s So Very Clever, and how the composure erodes either with exhaustion or delight when having fun and they reveal they’re a little nutty after it all. My father has several stories of hijinks he got up to while getting his degree that are very ‘sodium teakettle bomb’ type. I think Percy would fit right in.

However, with modern AUs, there is one hurdle: a big part of Percy’s backstory is the whole guns thing, and guns have been around for… a while. In some more historical AUs he can still be responsible for deadly firearm advancements (say, I have a WIP one set in the late 1600s where a pepperbox actually would be a fair leap forward, so he still gets that angst). 

But Percy, no matter how rich or smart, can’t really rival the military spending of the USA, lmao. It’s harder for him to have a big negative impact on the world in a way that’s believable. 

Like! Maybe he developed some new material with crazy military applications, or that's really Cool but also toxic (and he Knows the toxicity will be downplayed so it can be used to cut corners), or a new battery with risky potential. Really, so long as he can make something that's not *directly* a weapon, but can be used to cause great harm, I think you can pull it off. (Or don't, if you want a happier modern AU without juggling that aspect of his character.)

BUT. I've got a soft spot for one idea.

So recently I’ve actually picked up the idea that he’s less focused on the physical side of engineering (though he still enjoys metalworking and tinkering as a hobby, which he can afford to do because Rich Bastard) and more on computer engineering.

It hasn’t come up in Cat’s Cradle, and I don’t think it will be relevant, but in that AU I had Percy be a big programming nerd. So when the Briarwoods happened to his family, and Cass was missing presumed dead, and cops collectively shrugged… Percy wanted to try and identify them. 

So, in this modern AU, he’s responsible for one of the first facial recognition programs. Called 0RTHX. Or ORTHAX. Idk I haven’t thought why he named it that yet. Point being, he knew from the getgo that cops and other fascist entities would use it for ill, but he didn’t care so long as he found the Briarwoods and could hopefully, maybe, finally, get the justice he craved. 

Not sure how that worked out - well enough that Cass is pursuing a degree of her own, and he’s mostly freelancing thanks to his reputation (which is positive and praised, to his disgust) with the stability afforded by his inheritance. 

But! Yeah. Major engineering vibes, though what he does with that can be really up in the air. Definitely see him picking up a fair bit of coding experience, given it’s very useful in this world (hell, I’m a biologist and we’re expected to be competent in Spyder and R and JASP). Just because of family biases I’ma toss in physicist in the ring as a more out-there possibility, because I think Percy would make googly eyes at plasma physics or really want to make fusion (holy shit fusion with a net gain is a THING NOW) more practical. But that’s a lil harder to tie to his vengeance thing.

[mizunetzu]

can I request bakugou x male reader where femboyreader is smol, pretty quite and nice, and suprisingly are really ruthless on the battlefield and bakugou is just wondering where he got it from. Until next week bakugou meets his father's and brothers and all of them are tall and very manly men. But civil and nice. Hope you have a nice day,😊

LMAO THIS WAS SO FUN TO WRITE

——————

Bakugou x reader - My Cute Boyfriend and His Tough-Ass Family

⚠️warnings - femboy reader, if that’s a trigger?

Pronouns - male, he/him

——————

Bakugou didn’t know where it came from.

One minute he was small and weak, wearing a new, girly hair pin everyday and complimenting one of the girls on their newly painted nails. The next thing he knew, he was just as batshit crazy as him during hero practice.

“Eat shit and die!” Bakugou flung across the air, sending a big blast over to (Y/n’s) location. (Y/n) sped away, dodging it with his quirk. He growled.

“Go to fucking hell!”

“Like hell I would, shit-for-brains! Suck my dick!” Bakugou landed on the ground, softening the impact with a blast pointed towards the floor. He stood there, a few good feet away from (Y/n). They were both breathing heavily, glaring down each other like they wanted to absolutely murder the other.

(Y/n) let out a piercing battle cry, before charging head first towards Bakugou and bringing his arms out to tackle him. Bakugou followed suite, charging towards him like a bull with his arm outstretched to deck him in the face.

They got closer and closer, Bakugou’s flashy explosions igniting in the air while (Y/n’s) quirk began to power up. Closer, closer, until-

“Times up!”

All might yelled over the intercom, and both students skidded awkwardly to a stop. Bakugou tumbled over with an angry shout, and (Y/n) sputtered, tripping over Bakugou’s torso making him fall to the ground as well.

“Get offa’ me, crossdresser!”

“I’m not a crossdresser, spiky bitch!”

“Your hero costume is literally a fucking skirt-!”

“Alright alright, young men! The battle is over, no need to keep fighting!” All Might awkwardly chuckled from the intercom. (Y/n) pouted, and swept himself off of Bakugou. Bakugou scoffed aswell, not even looking at (Y/n) as they both walked towards the observation building.

——

“Aaah! Katsuki! I’m sorry for yelling at you during hero training today!”

(Y/n) jogged up to Bakugou, gently clutching his backpack straps and slowing down to a walk. Bakugou huffed. There he went again, that totally insane side of him that came from absolutely nowhere was gone.

“Like I care, shit-for-brains.”

“A-anyways,” (Y/n) cleared his throat. “Do you wanna study at my house today? Or just...y’know, hangout?”

(Y/n) blushed as he ended his question. Bakugou stared down at him. If he told someone this was the same person yelling insults and profanities on the battlefield while fucking shit up, they’d think he was lying.

“(Y/n’s) house?” Bakugou mumbled to himself. “I don’t think I’ve ever been there before...”

“Sorry, did you say something? You’re not really the type to mumb-“

“I didn’t say shit, shittyass! Go die!” Bakugou yelled. (Y/n) chuckled.

“Yeah, yeah, I don’t think you’ve ever been to my house either.” (Y/n) sighed. Bakugou scoffed and shoved his hands further down his pockets. “You better make a good impression on my family, or they probably won’t let me hang out with you anymore.”

His family was probably just as fragile and dainty as him, was what Bakugou thought. He already saw the hugs and kisses and the “Hello, Mrs. and Mr. (L/n)” he’d have to choke out. He rolled his eyes.

“Whatever.”

——

“I’m home!”

A woman’s voice echoed through the house as (Y/n) and Bakugou both took off their shoes.

“Welcome back!”

“I brought my boyfriend over mom! Bakugou Katsuki-the one I was telling you about!”

He heard his mom gasp and timper into the entrance of the house, wearing an apron and holding a wooden spoon. Bakugou was right. Dainty, fragile mother; dainty, fragile (Y/n).

Bakugou cleared his throat, suppressing the gag that was about to come out.

“P-pardon the intrusion.”

“...Ehhhh? (Y/n), don’t tell me you brought one of your little dress-up friends over.” A different voice came from behind both (Y/n) and Bakugou. A young, male voice. Bakugou whipped his head around.

“Haaah?!”

“Ooooh! Feisty!”

The boy, who couldn’t be older than a middle schooler, cracked his knuckles. There was something so familiar about the way he talked.

“What’d you say to me, you extra?!”

“K-katsuki...” (Y/n) whisper-yelled, wrapping his arms around Bakugou in attempts to hold him back. The boy laughed in his face.

Just as the boy was about to say something, an older boy chopped him in the back of the neck, effectively subduing the smaller one.

“Shut up! (Y/n) said he was bringing his boyfriend over! Don’t scare him away like we do all of his other friends.”

Bakugou looked up at the older one. He looked about his age, but damn was he tall. And muscular too. The boy from before may have been at least athletic-looking, but this guy just...

“W-who the hell-?!”

“Now, now boys. Don’t need to get so physical.” A deeper, throaty voice came from down the hallway, it’s heavy footsteps growing louder and louder as it came closer. A tall, well built man came through the hall, crossing his arms. You could clearly see his muscles bulge through his office shirt. “Did you all come back from school? Welcome back.”

All three boys chorused out a string of hellos. Bakugou looked from who he assumed was the dad, then the two boys, than (Y/n).

There was no way in hell they were related.

“Are-“ Bakugou croaked. “Are you adopted or something?!”

“Katsuki!”

His mother laughed, covering her mouth with her free hand. (Y/n’s) mother was the only one who Bakugou would assume was, well, his mother. But these...men?

“You’re probably the only person who didn’t go running once they saw these boys in our house, Katsuki. A lot of (Y/n’s) little friends go running because Natsu teases them too much or Kaito and his father scares them off.”

“This one’s different, mom!” (Y/n) intertwined his hands with Bakugou’s. “Sometimes I yell and get all bwaaah during training-but he doesn’t mind!”

“Oh, well that’s good,” (Y/n’s) father ran a hand through his hair. “That explains why he hasn’t ran off the moment we walked in.”

Bakugou blinked. (Y/n) leaned in close. “Trust me, it happened before.”

(Y/n) timpered off to greet his brothers. Bakugou looked between all 3 boys. Despite how built and tall these testosterone-soaked males were, the way they talked and carried themselves gave off the same energy (Y/n) did during hero training. Was that where he got it? From these...men?

(Y/n) was forced into a headlock, his brother laughing scrubbing at his forehead as (Y/n) groaned. He thrashed around, albeit laughing, and tried to pry off his brothers hands.

“Come on-I thought you were training to be a hero! Where’s your muscles, huh?”

“I could easily throw you into the sun, don’t start. You’re just jealous I look better in skirt than you do.”

“Bullshit! I’m sexy as fuck!” His grip was temporarily loosened, giving (Y/n) the opportunity to slip out. “It’s not my fault none of your skirts fit me!”

“...But you know who it would fit?” (Y/n’s) other brother, the middle schooler, turned mischievously towards Bakugou.

“Hell no.”

——

“I’m going to fucking murder you.”

“Hey, now. That’s not very hero-like.”

“Yeah Katsuki! Not very heroic of you.”

“Murder is no good. You’ll get (Y/n)-nii’s dress dirty.”

Bakugou shook with anger as he stood in (Y/n’s) room. He sported a pink, frilly, strawberry-pink dress, that had small strawberries littered around it and stopped below his knees. His muscles peeked through the soft thin material of the dress, and the way he stood with his legs spread apart angrily was hidden under the layers of pink.

“Oh! Oh! Wait!” (Y/n) stepped into his closet with an excited smile. After a few seconds of rustling and shoving away hangers, (Y/n) popped back out with a matching dress on. His dress, however, had a baby blue tint with small blueberries scattered across the fabric.

(Y/n) did a little twirl. “Don’t I look pretty, Katsuki?”

Bakugou, crossed his arms, doing whatever it took to suppress the blush growing on his face. “Sure...whatever.”

(Y/n) happily stood next to Bakugou, smoothing out the crinkles in his blueberry dress and grabbing hold of Bakugou’s hand. “Tada~! We match~”

“You guys look like the strawberry and blueberry milk boxes I buy from vending machines at school.”

“Haah?!” (Y/n) gripped Bakugou’s hand harder. “What’d you say?!”

Bakugou stole a glance at (Y/n’s) angry face. Not gonna lie, he thought it was a bit attractive when he looked like he was gonna beat up his own brother in a frilly blue dress. He pursed his lips.

These guys taught (Y/n) well. If (Y/n) wasn’t as intense as he was during hero work, he didn’t think he’d ever fall in love with him, not the same way he is right now, at least. He felt sorta glad his family wasn’t a soft, fragile family of extras. Bakugou closed his eyes, and smirked.

“Yeah! The fuck’d you say to us, you lil punks?!”

——————

[runolllo-fanboygirl]

Teba’s soft side

I’m here with the wholesome Teba content. Today I put aside all the jokes about reckless dumbass bird dad to talk to you about his honest and tender side.

I hope Breath of the Wild’s Sequel explores this side of him even further but let me highlight some of his cutest moments so far:

- Letting Tulin fly on his back (even though we’ve seen Rito kids his age are perfectly capable of flying on their own... all 5 of Kass’s daughters lol);

- Tulin very excitedly mentions that his dad plays with him regularly (and with Molli, Harth says their families spend a ot of time together).

- Teba asking Link to show Tulin his moves, and also asking him not to take offense if Tulin is too blunt or something because he knows his son takes after him in that regard lmao.

- Teba who, like most other Rito, is kinda harsh to strangers at first but quickly takes a liking to Link the moment he realizes Link matches him not only in combat skill but also in honesty and pure batshit crazy. And then proceeds to take a laser beam for Link.

- Teba promptly lets you know it’s thanks to Saki taking such good care of him that he’ll be walking again soon. He’s such a family man asdfasdf.

AGE OF CALAMITY SPOILERS:

- He has a big big heart, he helps so many people in his quests... there is even this one quest description saying something like “You could tell big stoic Teba was holding back a lil tear” after Teba helps one of his fellow Rito dads and his son... damn it broke my heart to learn how much Teba misses his family during the war.

- Teba again acting as decoy, this time to attract lasers away from Revali and doing his best to give the champion openings to attack. He’s such a team player and he’s so willing to protect others asdasdas.

- Some of Teba’s dialogues with Revali... for instance the whole “Don’t sell yourself short, master Revali” exchange when Revali says that Teba doesn’t even need his help at this point. Also Teba speaking Revali’s true feelings as in “Link, I think what he (Revali) means to say is THANK YOU”.

- Teba allowing Revali to soothe him, like when they are co-piloting Medoh and the Windblight keeps appearing and retreating and it’s driving Teba insane. The games often reminds us that’s actually hard to reason with Teba when he gets angry, the fact that Revali can so easily deal with him, in such a calm and confident way too, is kinda impressive and very cute and I love their dynamic.

- Also Teba going from “I’ll surpass the legendary Revali and kill Medoh if I need to” ........ to “Revali and Medoh are my partners now and I’ll protect them with my life”.

[foryoumyheroes]

Their S/O takes them to an Asian House Party

[Midoriya + Todoroki + Bakugou + Kaminari + Kirishima] 

A/N:  Hey here’s a niche that no one asked for. 

I know that Japanese is a type of Asian but I am a wildly different type of Asian 🤣🤣, so my headcanons are based entirely off of being this other racial group. 

I just want to say that most of the time older Asian relatives really step out of line with their comments and can be really hurtful. I absolutely hate that behavior and their mindset, but for the purposes of this let’s just say that they’re not being harmful at all and it’s mostly light teasing :) If they’re like that in real life :) screw them >:) Also P.S. if these sound familiar it’s because I’ve recycled a lot of ideas from my other blog where I wrote “Asian House Party” headcanons already! 

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, hints at underage drinking  

Midoriya Izuku: 

For the longest time it has only been him and his mom, so when he enters the house and sees it packed with people his brain just goes blank because this is a family party. 

These people are all related to you somehow?? 

He asks you how you guys are all related and you’re genuinely like, “I don’t know???” You just call everyone auntie and uncle and hope for the best.  

If you start taking him to parties before he becomes a Pro, he has enough of a baby face that your older relatives and grandparents give him a red envelope without thinking too hard about it. But he gets so embarrassed and feels so bad that he ends up giving it to your mom. 

At his first party he’s supperrr nervous and wants your family to like him. He’s stuttering nearly every other syllable. 

Never leaves your side. Trails behind you like a puppy the entire time. 

After he’s been to several parties with your family, they recognize his red Nike Air Forces in the pile of shoes outside the house enough to be like, “Hey, [Name]! Your boyfriend’s here!” 

Midoriya is kinda of a pushover during the beginning of the series, and Asian families have the tendency to tease without knowing how it might sound, so he becomes an easy target until you pull him aside and tell him to argue back. 

He’s like noooo I don’t want to be disrespectful :(. He says that he’s used to bullying so this is nothing which makes you kinda sad and angry. You’re like hahahaha no. 

You two eventually get your family to stop and that’s when he’s finally indoctrinated into your fam. 

He’s kind of the quintessential Asian boyfriend? He goes to a good school, is sweet and innocent, polite to elders, etc. When he goes to the party with you your aunties are going to your cousins and say, “Why can’t you get a boyfriend like [Name].” 

Your female relatives kinda baby him because every time they see him he’s always in a new cast with another broken bone, so when there’s no more space left on the couches or the folding stools they kick your cousins off to make room for him. 

When he later becomes Pro-Hero Deku, everyone’s in love with him. He becomes the talk of the party. Everyone brags about him saying that they practically saw him grow up when they only see him once or twice a year. 

He also becomes the “cool uncle” that offers to take your younger relatives out for boba. But you pay. You have to pay or else your mom will yell at you for making the guest spend money. 

Yes, you will polite fight your own boyfriend. 

No, he will not win, but he’s determined to win one time like the shonen protag he is. 

Always leaves the party with the large trays of leftovers for him and his mom. 

Even when he’s like in his late twenties he’s still sitting at the kid’s table. 

Todoroki Shouto: 

When you first invited him to a party with your family he’s just like, “Oh. Sure.” Most of the parties he’s been to is the rich people parties that his dad took him to for publicity, so he arrives to the house in a whole suit and tie. 

Your cousins and uncles are clowning him while the older women swoon. You’re in the background panicking because everyone else is in sweats or shorts while he looks like he’s going to prom?? 

[Your auntie says, “Oh my god, he’s making such a good first impression!” 

You: Hahahaha! Yea!〔´∇｀〕

Inner You: Oh god I forgot he���s clueless ⊙▽⊙] 

Brings an expensive pastry every time because Fuyumi said it was polite. From that everyone’s like, “Oh??? You’re invited to every party from now on!” 

Becomes the source of your mom’s humble brag. “Oh, your son goes to Stanford and is studying medicine? My kid and their boyfriend are both Heroes-in-training and he’s the son of the Number One Hero — “ 

Kinda just does whatever your aunties and mom tells him to do? 

He’ll sit wherever they tell him to sit, even if it’s far away from you and he’ll even take the many family photos for you guys in the end. Even though he’s shit at photography. 

If they’re like, “Oh, you’re so skinny, you should eat some more!” He’ll just shrug and be like okay, and doesn’t stop them when they continue to put food on his plate even though he’s full and gets into a big food coma that knocks him out on the couch right away. 

Every time he appears, your aunties will just stop and say, “Oh, he’s so handsome!” 

He’s getting better at handling kids and it shows by the way he’s more willing to play with them then hang out with your cousins that are around your age. He’s in the room upstairs and is ;; just napping with them.   

The kids in the party call him Zuko.  

Before you brought him your aunts and uncles would be like, “Do you have a boyfriend?? Do you have a girlfriend??” and you would say, “Yeah, Todoroki Shouto.” And they would laugh in your face. 

NO ONE BELIEVED THAT HE WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND UNTIL YOU BROUGHT PROOF!! HERE HE IS !! IN THE FLESH!! 

I feel like he would have the most culture shock? You guys conduct yourself in such a different way than his own family and from everyone in 1-A. You guys go batshit insane. 

When you wake him up and offer to walk him to the train station to take him home, he offers to walk you back to your house as well and you say, “Oh, I’m going back to the party after this.” 

It’s almost midnight?? 

He asks you where are you going to sleep or if you’re going to sleep at all and you don’t know how to explain the concept of how you and all of your cousins and siblings are going to cram into one room upstairs and sleep on every blanket in the house on the floor while only three or four lucky relatives are able to get the bed. 

Older Asians have no filter so they will straight up say to his face that he looks nothing like his dad he’ll just go, “ :’) Thank you, that means a lot to me.” 

Before Endeavor’s redemption arc he’s prone to oversharing and one day he tells your mom that his dad is a piece of shit and his mom is in the hospital. 

Your mom, taking her sandal and holding it like a weapon: Oh? Where’s your father?? I just want to talk. Your mom is welcome to every [Surname] party from now on!! Haha! (◕ᴗ◕✿)

His brain is doing backflips trying to figure out how you’re related to everyone. 

The only guy that neatly puts his shoes off to the side at the front door. 

Bakugou Katsuki: 

At first you didn’t invite him to the party, he kinda just figures it out from how your relatives are all tagging you on social media and forces you to invite him. 

Not because you’re ashamed of him but because they’re somewhat overbearing ;; and Bakugou has no filter. 

For someone who’s so “badass” he’s super anal about the rules and punctuality. 

You tell him the party is at 18:00 and by 17:45 he goes into your house and finds you still napping with your PJs on. Even though you tell him that the party isn’t really starting at six he doesn’t listen. He forces you to get dressed and takes you to the party and whatdoyouknow no one is there yet. No one is going to be here until at least two hours after the designated time. 

He instead forces you to help the women in the kitchen prepare the food, aka he’s helping while you laze around in the living room. 

All of the women are like, “Wow! You can cook so well! [Name] you should be more like him!!” 

If this is the first time he meets your entire extended family, he’s inwardly hyping himself up to make a good first impression. If you are not Japanese, he manages to memorize several greetings in your language and the proper formalities when greeting an older relative. Then he goes in and everyone’s already drinking and screaming their throats out to karaoke. 

When he walks into the party with his black tank top and saggy pants everyone’s first thought is that he’s an Asian Baby Boy. Like he probably takes social media pictures in front of cars, is going to break your heart, goes to raves, is named Kevin Nguyen. 

Everyone is loud af at this party so they don’t really care that he’s screaming. They love teasing the shit out of him because his reactions are so fucking funny. 

When one of your uncles offers you alcohol he immediately snatches it away from you. No, you guys are underage, have an athletic lifestyle, and he’s so protective of you asdfg 

He’s been so focused on being a Hero that when your cousins play against him in video games or card games he loses horribly. He’ll just keep going, “One more round!” until he finally wins. 

Your mom forces you to do a convenience store run to get something that the party is running out of and when you come back Bakugou managed to find is way into the “women” side of the room where they’re all gossiping with him and playing poker together like they’ve been friends forever. 

Your mom honest-to-god acts like he’s more of her child than you are. 

When you guys finally get your families to meet, his mom and your female relatives are going to be so powerful together. 

Is trying his damned hardest to get through the entire party because it can go all night long and he sleeps at 8:30PM. 

Kaminari Denki: 

The KING of the Asian House Party.

Absolutely CRUSHES it at karaoke with your family. Even though he might not speak your language, he’s putting so much passion into it that no one cares anyway. 

Sings so loud that the neighbors complain. 

Your family loves him because he’s just so happy-go-lucky. The life of the party. 

He goes around eating all night and continually asks you, “Hey [Name], what’s this? What’s this one?” 

You can drop him off in the designated kids room and not see him for hours on end. He’s too busy playing video games with your cousins and siblings. 

But he’s such a sucker. Your uncles and older cousins pull him into any gambling game and he loses so bad, even if he’s gambling things like candy or food. 

Kinda gullible when your family teases him?? If you’re not Japanese they teach him an insult in your language but tell him it’s a complement or “It’s like saying, I love you more than words,” and they send him off to tell you it. 

And he acts super fucking cocky like the e-boy smirk while he’s rubbing his hands together, and biting his lip and shit. While you’re just sitting on the stool with a drink in your hand like, “Okay....” 

He tells you the insult and butchers the pronunciation already, but acts like you’re about to fall in his arms and you just ;; burst out laughing ;;; until you fall off your chair. 

Has the party time down pat. He won’t arrive until three hours later, and that’s when you tell him an earlier time than everyone else. 

Will drink anything your uncle offers up. He’s a lightweight. You end up half-carrying him half-dragging him back to his house. Nearly trips on the sea of shoes outside the front door and falls on you. 

You’re just lucky that he doesn’t discharge his Quirk randomly when he’s drunk.

Doesn’t get Asian glow.  

When your mom discovers you struggling outside she just tells him to sleep over and if this is his first party with you guys, you’re able to get the bed because he’s the guest 😌😌. If he’s been here several times before, yeah ;; you guys are going back to a pile of blankets on the floor.  

Kirishima Eijirou: 

The “big brother” figure of the party. 

The kids love him and he’s willingly playing “Heroes and Villains” with them for hours. 

Since he’s so broad they hang off of him like a limpet and he walks around with children draped around him. 

Ngl... He walks into the party dressed like all of your other male cousins. 

Basketball shorts, t-shirt, crew socks. 

He’s able to find his shoes super fast at the end of the party because he’s the only person that’s willing to wear crocs. 

Willing to go outside with your cousins to play basketball with them but he’s so out of practice that he fumbles so bad. 

After several games he gets the hang of it and isn’t deadweight to your team anymore. 

LOVES going to your family’s parties because he gets to eat whatever he wants without holding back. Eats several plates and when someone suggests going to get ice cream he’s like, /gasp/ “Ice cream???” 

They were offering the little kids, but okay, a teenager can come along too. 

You’re never too old for ice cream. 

For some reason he’s able to get along with everyone at the party?? He just has a personality that makes him easy to talk to, and by the end of the night or the next day, he’s saying goodbye to everyone by name. 

[“No, wait, [Name], I haven’t said goodbye to your cousin’s sister-in-law’s daughter yet. 

You do a double-take because even you have no idea who that is.] 

When he gets a little bit older and he’s finally allowed to move out of the kid’s table and eat with the older male relatives he’s so ;;; awkward. 

They’re just all in the garage eating, drinking, and smoking and he’s just sitting there having no idea what to do. 

Eventually he convinces you to join him in the garage because he wants your emotional support and is super shocked when you fit right in. He’ll just ;;; go back to the kid’s table. 

Can’t sing to save his life. 

You guys heard him do karaoke once and you never let him do it again. 

If one of your relatives teases him he’s able to laugh it off and not think too much about it, but if they say something that might be hurtful to you he’s so quick to shut it down. He doesn’t care that they’re blood related to you or not. 

Does not let up until they apologize. 

For some reason all of the ladies are confused af when they find out that he dyed his hair?? They’re like omg is he a secret delinquent. 

LOVES to hear your relatives talk about what you were like when you were a kid. 

It’s embarrassing af but he just laughs it off like, “It’s okay, babe! You sound like you were super cute as a kid!” 

[popculturebuffet]

The Not-So Secret Origins of Darkwing Duck!: The Secret Origin of Darkwing Duck: What IS This Episode

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to “The Secret Origins of Darkwing Duck” , my look at the many origin stories of the terror that flaps in the night. And today we’ve got one of the weirder darkwing epsidoes.. and given one’s i’ve covered have included drake being split into positive and negative stuff, going back in time to mentor his younger self to fight heyyyyy it’s the king, having to fight a sexy sorceresses pizza themed minons, and thinking Gizmoduck had super powers. 

It’s not unintentional mind you, this episode was clearly designed to be weird as balls and the bulk of it is a story that in unvierse is clearly being made as Drake tells it. But being intetionally weird dosen’t make it any less delightfully batshit Which i’ll admit takes talent: not everyone can do batshit insane intetionally and not have it come off as lol random. Only a select few such as Grant Morrision can harness that power. But they clearly did here so join me under the cut to unravel the madness. And no i’m not giving any of the plot away, i’ts best you experince this fresh. 

So we open in the distant future where future versions of Honker and Goslyn, Honkertron and Gosloid, are being told about Darkwing Duck, a legendary figure who had his own cartoon series. Now you’d expect this would be some kind of “Legion of Super Heroes” situatoin, where it’s a thousand years later, heroes have faded into what legends they still have. That sort of thing. They even mention they’ve evolved past humanity, so you know okay 3000 years, we have a new honker and gosalyn in Honkertron and Gosaloid who argue over darkwing being real, they get locked in a museum after ending up in darkwing’s chairs.  Then... we meet a janitor whose very clearly supposed to be Drake and the ending of the episode flat out CONFIRMS is him. So somehow in 70 years humanity has FORGOTTEN DARKWING ENTIRELY, AND EVOLVED INTO ANOTHER EPOCH OF EVOLUTION

Apparently marvel style mutants exist in this universe because that’s the only scenario that makes sense to me. And yes i’m trying to make sense out of an episode that’s supposed to be goofy as hell but they clearly WANTED you to think this was hundreds of years in the future, but said misdirect just raises so many questions it hurts. Where’s Gosalyn? Why didn’t her nor drake’s kids pick up the mantle? why isn’t there still a darkwing? Where’s launchpad? Wher’es Morgana? Where’s all his bad guys? I mean Liquidator should be functionally immortal at the very least. What just why just what just why just what just why| what just why

Whatever you say sexy scary british man. So yeah that’s our framing device: Drake finds out honker think’s he’s a myth and understandably takes offense to it

So he decides to tell them where Darkwing came from... by telling them superman’s origin story. Yeah out of all the superhero origins this is the one that gets lampooned the most, with batman being a very close second, and spider-man being a clean third. I don’t MIND it as  much as I do for the man himself.. seriously almost every superhero parody or deconscruction and only a handful like Perfect Man or Omni Man really tend to land for me. Most are just “look it’s superman but he’s dumb, or he’s evil, or he’s a douchebag or he’s all of these”. You have whole universes of characters to spoof, do them instead. 

But yeah in Drake’s story his parents were residents of Lipton.. until his evil uncle threatned to destroy the place... and Drake’s dad being drake’s dad sat on the detenator by accident. So now Drake-El is scrambling to save his son, sending him to Gribilfritz off in his rocket with only the family ommniblaster to keep him company. Because giving a baby a gun always works well. You coudlnt’ of given him a dog, or a cat, or a horse, or a monkey, or a snake?

ON the other side of the planet, we meet Negaducks parents... who naturally try taking the rocket for themselves before he takes it. Now this alone could prove this wasn’t real as we found out out Negaduck was from another dimension but A) The Superman Parody should’ve given it away and B) with this series airing order it’s a miracle that episode aired before this one so the joke could land as intended. 

So the two rockets collide and causes our hero to land on earth, specifically a monestary so we can get to our second spoof, this more generally of martial arts films and possibly the 70′s series Kung Fu, though I don’t know it well enough to honestly say one way or another. There’s only a small list of things I know about the 70′s tv series Kung Fu

1) It starred the VERY white David Caradine playing a mixed race chinese person for the sole purpose of having a white guy play the part instead of exploring how that effects him as a character 2) It’s responsible for both “Take this pebble from my hand” and the term “grasshopper” 3) It had a sequel my dad had once on dvd that I never saw much of which is how I even know the show exists.  4) This show is directly responsible for the marvel character Shang-Chi. No really: Marvel got the rights to do a licensed series based on Kung-Fu... but since the parent company who owned Kung Fu owned DC they naturally blocked it. How any of this happened in the first place is beyond me.  So marvel made their own phislophical chinese master of kung fu, and the rest is history and lead to a really great movie. 

My point is I don’t know much but the sequence is funny: Drake is named stinky due to .. well being a baby at the time, and we see him not really fit in at all at the monestary, but learn the martial arts. He’s eventually thrown out as an adult so he’ll stop freeloading...

And heads out into the desert because Drake thought this would be more dramatic. It’s there he meets a genie. 

Sadly no instead it’s Herb Muddlefoot but as a genie.... 

So Stinky ends up outwitting him and getting three wishes; a kooba cola, some new duds, his costume, and the ablitly to appear in a cloud of smoke. 

At that point Honkertron asks “Wait what about the cousin” so Drake makes him into a space pirate who abudcts Stinky and offers him a choice: work with him or die. Stinky ends up falling to earth and ends up crashing into the thunderwing... piloted by launchpad.. and gosalyn.. as a grizzled superheroine known as the masked avenger. 

So with that Masked Avenger takes drake under her wing, giving him his own mask and the name darkwing duck. When he asks her what that means she says “Who cares as long as it sounds cool”. It’s the first time this episode has made sense. 

So we find out back at Avenger Tower ,aka Darkwing’s Lair, that kooba cola is avengers biggest weakness. She dies if she drinks too much. Gee couldn’t you guys been a little more subtle, maybe hung a “DEAD MENTOR WALKING SIGN” around her neck. 

Our heroes go out ot confront negaduck who ends up blasting them into a Cola factory. 

Leading to avenger’s death, and Darkwing vowing to carry on. He storms his cousin’s airship and uses all the tricks he picked up, his entrance trick, the quack fu and the omni blaster to wreck Negaducks shit. The day si saved, a hero is born.. and our wraparound wakes up with Drake missing and the curator being kind of a dick to two children he didn’t bother looking for before now. LIke dude.. your fired when their parents find out. You know that right?. He finds out Drake left a souiviner.. Darkwing’s mask, which was missing from teh display, proving he was really darkwing wall along and proving Honker was kind of a dip for thinking he didn’t exist. 

Final Thoughts: 

This one was a bit shorter for obvious reasons.. but I still enjoyed it. While it was batshit insane that insanity makes it endearing and all the weird changes and stuff Drake pulled out of his ass for the story were charming, and it says something about the strength of Darkwing’s character when you can have an entire imaginary story FEEL like he wrote it. There’s also some telling bits: Gosalyn is written as the thing that got him to be a hero, fitting how she changed her life, she’s also written as dying meaning she might of died at some point though that ones reaching a bit, and his self is noticably not puffed up to all hell. Okay sure there’s SOME egotisim stil lthere: his origin involves a genie, a monestary where he became a world class martial artist, and him being one of the only surivivors of a doomed planet. He’s still Darkwing.. but Stinky really dosen’t become uber heroic and is’nt the super beat em all ultra hero Darkwing usually picutred himself as.It wouldn’ tbe a shock that Drake had grown in a few decades.

A solid episode all around honestly I just didn’t have much to say about it frankly. Worth a look for a fun, silly what if type episode. 

Next Time: We finish up with the original series episodes for this four parter as Darkwing battles his high school reunion, anothe rorigin story, and public embarassment. 

[svgurl410]

Hi, what is your opinion about Chloe Sullivan? it seems that some fans. especially Clark/Chloe shippers wanted Chloe to “become” Lois. That's insane!!!!

Thanks for the ask! As far as Chloe goes, my opinion on her has changed over the years. I had to put this under a cut because I got rambly- get ready for the essay you didn't ask for. Where I stand now is that I actually don't hate her but I also don't like her. I am just critical of her and her behavior.

I didn't watch Smallville when it first aired but I got into it during the first few seasons, and at first, I never had strong feelings on her one way or the other because I was mostly invested in Clark & Lex. And of course, Lois immediately after she appeared. I did start liking her in s5, because she had some sort of balance (fans refuse to acknowledge that she legit did nothing journalism wise in s6 and Grant was right to call out her lack of investment in s7) and used to really love her back in the day. I was very invested in the Chloe-Lois familial relationship and ended up shipping Chlollie a lot too. I am still not that heated about them ending up together, whatever my feelings are on her. It was rushed and Ollie's pining in s10 was annoying, but I preferred Ollie and Tess as friends and they didn't do a good enough job of getting me invested in SV Dinah unfortunately. And I liked her friendship with Clark, even if reflecting back, it wasn't all that healthy. I got caught up in the narrative though and I really wanted him to have a friend, since he was so lonely otherwise, and I wasn't a fan of Lana at all.

When I got getting active in fandom in early s6, I was actually surprised at how popular that ship was because as someone who read fic but was outside of it, just a viewer, it just never had an appeal. Mostly because even after the kiss in the s5 finale, I never thought it'd go anywhere and the feelings always felt unbalanced and stronger on her side. I did read fic for them because I read fic for anyone when I liked both characters involved but it wasn't my fave.

I think I got tired of her behavior around mid s8, though even when I liked her I was surprised at how annoying she could be in the early seasons when I rewatched. Her acting like she knew what was best for everyone and the way they dumbed down Clark a little to prop her up before that was frustrating and how she handled Davis/Doomsday was ridiculous. Also her demanding that she gets to use the Fortress to go back in time to save Jimmy and legit guilted him over it when she was there when Clark did the same thing and knew he lost his dad and probably was aware of how bad he felt over it? Awful. Her fans used to try to claim Clark was a bad friend who didn't deserve her, which was funny considering that if Clark hadn't been so forgiving, they wouldn't have been friends by that point in the first place. She literally hacked into his adoption records and worked with Lionel because he dared get together with the girl he actually liked. Plus some of her actions were grey and if she had been anyone else, she would have been on some sort of villain path. She put cameras in his house. You know who else did that? Lex. Honestly the only thing Clark did that was really questionable was erase her memory of his secret and that should've had more reaching consequences than it did- it would be one thing if he did it after s4 but after her life was tied up to his secret in many ways, I'm actually surprised she was able to be so happy go lucky and Oliver just brushed it off, since it would've affected her work with the League. Alas, not worth dwelling over, I guess.

Also the theory was batshit. Journalism and that one throwaway line which was clearly intended to show that Lois Lane did exist in the universe really spawned some nonsense. Especially after they cast Lois. Everyone said that it wasn't happening (even Gough had interviews in the early seasons where they talked about bringing Lois in so it was literally never in the plan) and they clung on to their theory and actually acted betrayed when it didn't happen. Just really gross behavior, especially how they treated Lois and more importantly, Erica Durance.

I don't care if they have their faves and ship what you want- not my problem- but the theory existing will always piss me off and those theorists especially definitely acted like the characters = actors, and propped up AM as a feminist icon while bashing ED, and her looks, and insisting that the rest of the cast definitely hated her, etc. It was really gross behavior. Considering what happened with AM, and who she turned out to be, it didn't age well either.

Anyway, she had plenty of good moments but also really bad ones and it's a shame that AM's actions also colored my perception of this character, but if she had been held responsible for some of them rather than being made out to be the hero of the show, even over Clark at times, I think I would look back on it more kindly.

I hope that answered your question!

[vaguely-concerned]

Some more mass effect andromeda thinky thoughts as I run around heleus getting some achievements! 

- the murderous angaran ai is genuinely so fucking funny. “How are you feeling here on Aya?” “I hope you die” “Is there anything we could do to make you more comfortable?” “BURY THIS PLANET UNDER FIRE AND ASH” “o.oookay. Goodbye then.” “I HATE you.”

- I hope I never become irresistibly moved to write mass effect andromeda fic b/c there really is no other description for a good 70% of the expressions reyes makes than :> and how could one capture that in words

- as mentioned I’ve been doing a bit of achievement hunting and in the process I’ve been switching up a lot of gameplay stuff from how I handled it the first few times around and let me tell you it’s baller as fuuuuuuuuuck -- it just looks so awesome and is so satisfying between the maneuverability of the jetpack and biotic charge and the effects. special shoutout to what happens if you biotic charge a frozen victim enemy and the biotic pull/push combination. (throwing people around like ragdolls is actually so much fun I’ve kept doing it even after I unlocked the achievement lol)

- lol lol when you get meridian online there’s the montage of every planet coming back to life, right? well the one on kadara is from inside kralla’s song, with umi looking out at everything that’s happening. and all I can imagine is her jaded-ass voice going ‘what the fUCK did that asshole kid do now I only just cleaned up after the bar brawl he started with his krogan grandpa and now he’s rearranging the entire fucking planet right from under us goddess I need a drink’ 

- the implication that reyes ‘cards so close to my chest you won’t even know I’m playing’ vidal just does not shut up about how amazing ryder is to anyone who’ll listen gives me so much life. when you try to be mysterious and laidback but the human pathfinder is so fucking cute tho Y____Y (also go watch his scenes if you’re being standoffish with him the entire time -- he clearly wants ryder to like him so much right from the beginning, he’s doing so much work to no avail and I feel sort of bad for how funny I find it haha. interesting that it really does seem to be an emotional thing as well as y’know the practical/tactical benefits of having the pathfinder on his side. methinks the charlatan might be a bit lonely there behind all his masks lol) 

I think this is why I’m willing to give him some benefit of the doubt too, despite all the cloak and dagger stuff -- he’s so immediately drawn to ryder, who you can never make a bad person, really. something in him must respond to that, if potentially only in the ‘attracted to traits I do not possess myself’ way hahaha

- I love sam. so so much. some of the open world implementation is still grating (yes sam. yes I know I can mine this area for resources through my mining interface. we’ve been doing this for a hundred hours sam. you’ve been right here with me the entire time sam. please sam), but he’s SUCH a good and I’d argue underutilized concept (emotionally at least) and the best boy. the fact that he can get SARCASTIC on you fsdhfjsadh he’s growing and learning! he’s doing so from inside your brain which is kind of unsettling but also SO COOL! there’s something about that level of intimacy, of always knowing there will be someone there with you in your head that is super interesting and deserves to be examined more fully -- both how it could be comforting and how it’s  r e a l l y  not how people or ai are generally designed to work lol. 

he also gives us a unique link with our dad and I wonder if the writers would have explored that in more depth if there’d been more development time -- it practically SCREAMS out an invitation to get to play/see things from alec’s POV in short bursts, like the memories you unlock except you could go through playing it as him since sam is common to both of us. (see my ‘our dad comes back through either kett or remnant nonsense in the sequel and we need to find some way to connect with him’ idea. it would be. amazing. listen alec already looked at the ethical guidelines involved in creating ai and went ‘huh interesting ideas but not for me thanks!’, don’t tell me he wouldn’t have left some loophole in so this could happen)  

- reyes literally says ‘the cavalry’s here’ when we get to meridian and I for one love him more than words can express (he also asks us if we’re okay in sort of a sweet/worried way right before we get to the control room. aw buddy) 

- like we don’t think of them like that because we’re in control of them and see all the stumbles and awkwardness and how young they are all the time, but damn the ryder twins must look like something else to everyone in andromeda haha. they literally stride around like demigods restoring entire planets. on voeld spring non-metaphorically follows in their footsteps. shit dude if we’re talking realpolitik here the angara must feel  p r e t t y nervous about this -- there’s no one saying they can’t turn off the vaults as easily as they turned them on. I hope we get them somehow teaching the angara how to do it too, on a smaller scale at least, as a show of good faith or something in a sequel, because that power imbalance is disconcerting  

- I’m glad sam and I have such similar priorities whenever we’re on kadara. ‘maybe mr vidal would know. perhaps we should ask mr vidal about this. mr vidal said something relating to this pathfinder maybe we should speak to him’ . yeah sam i know the feeling, same (it does undeniably read as sam having a bit of a crush which is. hilarious?) 

- the fact that alec ryder thought ellen responded to his bad boy act in any way when what really charmed her was that he was a great big nerd <3 it’s kind of nice to see a fictional marriage that seems to have just been. nice and stable and chill? just two intellectual equals who like and respect each other very much and not a lot of drama until alec went full alec and started developing rogue ai instead of watching his wife die lol. again I would love for the sequel to involve ellen finally waking up and being like ‘death? trying to claim MY husband? I do not think so, I can die he can’t he’s not leaving me behind’ and helping out and you realize that the reason they were soulmates was that under the relatively rational and unemotional surface they’re both, at heart, batshit crazy mad scientists who are insanely devoted to each other. imagine it tho! the people of andromeda realize alec ryder is back from the dead somehow and doing some Shit out there, they put a ton of resources into curing ellen’s disease because their best shot is something to do with the implants she made, hey presto we’ve got all ryders on the board and in play. 

- just want to make it clear that I’m still sad about avitus rix and hope he’s having a good day

- do you think ryder ever asks sam to read something to him ‘aloud’ in his head if he’s anxious and can’t sleep. or just to talk at him about something boring until he nods off. again the possibilities inherent in the concept!!! he has someone who’s closer to him than any other person could be, what’s that like? 

- *me sticking to my sidewinder pistol the whole playthrough even though it’s laughably inefficient* I just wanna feel like a cowboy bioware please work with me here

- the male ryder voice actor has such amazing comedic timing, there’s a lot of reaction stuff out in the field he absolutely nails. I enjoy the female voice too and I like how much emotion she manages to convey towards the end of the game especially, but there’s a casual comedy in male ryder’s voice that can’t be beat. (well, it’s not hawke levels, but then nothing ever is, that’s too much to ask)

- I love vorn and kesh so much. nerd krogans unite & make out

- I still want to sit peebee down and have a long serious talk with her about emotional abuse, maybe give her a hug :( fuck kalinda 

- this game does not get enough credit for how stunningly beautiful it is, it all got buried under criticism about the animations and it’s a fucking shame. the last few vaults you go through are just mindboggling in scale and visual uh striking-ness. it makes me so sad to think there won’t be any more of it D: 

- I really like this mainly casual + logical dialogue options ryder I’ve found; it makes him sound like a younger and more irreverent version of his father, but also softer and less closed off and much more willing to show affection for his family especially. 

- i wonder if different people’s individual SAMs will take on a certain tone/unique pattern when they’ve coexisted long enough. have I mentioned. how much I want a sequel to this game 

- one last reyes note because don’t look at me okay -- I wonder how much we’re meant to read into ‘being honorable never got me anywhere’. on the one hand I’m fully prepared to believe he’s never even tried doing anything the honorable way in his entire life lol but on the other there’s also some interesting potential in the interplay of that sentence and ‘to be someone’. (there seems to be a deep fear in him both of powerlessness and of being truly seen/recognized -- he equates secrecy with safety pretty explicitly -- which seems... telling? of what I don’t know but telling all the same hahaha) like he might be saying he’s tried doing things the ‘right’ way and it didn’t work and the price was too high, so he just went for this instead with the ends low-key justifying the means. hmmm. :Ia (this is what happens when I get Attached to a character with like an hour of screentime my friends, and I’m already primed to give my entire heart away at the sound of nicholas boulton’s voice)

[justjessame]

The Deal Chapter 33

I managed to regain my composure, eventually. Negan had watched me, the entire time, just watching as though I were some type of entertainment for him. Seems an odd way to kill time when he had his harem on standby, but who am I to judge? Once I was back under control, at least more manageable control, I leaned back in my chair worn out. Fuck emotions.

“Feel better, Jessi?” He asked, and I could feel the smugness rolling off of him.

The urge to tell him to go fuck himself was overwhelming. Instead, I turned my face to the wall and thought about how to retort. “Why are you here?” If he could ask questions, why couldn’t I?

He snorted. “I run the damn place, princess.” I turned back to face him, seeing the fucking glee on his face.

“No,” I said, shaking my head and glancing between the two of us. “Why are you HERE?”

He squinted, confusion replacing his pleasure of his own power. “Here? In my fucking bedroom?”

I bit my lip, enjoying the turning of the tables. “Yes, here, in YOUR bedroom, with ME. Why are you HERE with me when you have-” I shot a thumb toward where I was sure his harem was waiting with bated breath, ready and far more willing to enjoy his company than me. Because I wanted a fucking break. I wanted to have a breather, a moment to just not.

It dawned on him, and he smirked, dimples showing. “Jessi, are you jealous, sweetheart?”

It was my turn to snort. Jealous? Of what? “Why would I be jealous?” I looked at him like he’d lost HIS fucking mind. How the hell did he think he was going to ‘help’ me if he was batshit insane himself?

His eyebrow quirked. Clearly he was a firm believer in his own attractiveness. Wow, that damn ego, how does he fit through the damn door? “Want to get rid of me?” I nodded, finally figured it out, didn’t you? He chuckled and it was a deep earthy sound. “Not happening, sweetheart. Not yet, anyway.” Fuck.

“I’m not suicidal.” I practically growled. “If I were, then why wouldn’t I have used MY gun or MY knife to kill myself?” I didn’t add that since he’d taken them and done fuck knew what with them it wasn’t like I had access to any other fucking implements of self destruction. What did he think, I was going to fashion a noose out of his sheets?

Negan was leaning back in his own chair, and we were like mirror images. “You keep saying that, but, let’s just say I’m not ready to trust it.” I had a sudden urge to roll my eyes. “Am I really that terrible company?”

I considered it. If he was quiet and I was sleeping, it wasn’t torture. If he was digging through my psyche, then yes, he sucked for company. “Depends.” Was the answer I settled on.

“On?” Damn him, fucking curiosity. I wanted him to go, to leave me or send me to this promised purpose. Not talk me to death.

“How quiet you are.” There, take that.

He laughed, full bodied, eyes sparkling, and dimples fully in show. “I bet you were fucking amazing before.” I knew what he meant, before I broke. Before I locked myself away inside of my own head. “I can almost see it, almost.” His eyes, I noticed, changed colors. Not like mine do, but still.

“Has my purpose here been decided?” I asked, anything to get space from him. Away. Alone.

He shook his head. “Like I said, princess, I don’t trust it.” He didn’t trust ME he meant. Didn’t trust me to keep this, my newly present self.

When night fell, I was still sitting with him. We’d eaten, he had food brought up for us, and he kept his word. I ate what he ate. And damn it if he didn’t eat too much. A trip to the bathroom to get ready for bed and I had a flash of wonder. Where had he been sleeping?

I came out of the bathroom and he was lying on the bed with his back against the headboard. No, he couldn't have. I would have known. Wouldn’t I? “You planning on sleeping in that fucking doorway?” He shot a look over at me and I knew my eyes were wide. What the fuck?

“If you toss me a blanket, I’ll take the sofa.” I said, walking toward it, suddenly aware of the fact that I was wearing only a damn t-shirt. The same one he’d given me to change into. I was thankful that he was taller, because it meant all my important parts were covered, but I was still very aware that I was bare from mid-thigh to feet.

He shook his head. “Get in the damn bed, Jessi.” I watched him roll his eyes. “When I said I wouldn’t ‘join you’, I mean I wouldn’t JOIN you.” Just, fuck. “You didn’t seem to fucking notice before.”

Of course I didn’t. I was escaping into my own fucking darkness, and YOU pulled me part way out of it. So it’s YOUR fault that I’m aware now. I was glaring at him. “Why can’t I sleep on the damn sofa?”

He got out of bed and walked over to where I was standing near the sofa. He took my hand and pulled me to his bed. HIS bed that I was now firmly aware I’d slept next to him in for two damn nights. “You aren’t sleeping on the fucking sofa because I’m a fucking gentleman.” He lifted me by the waist and put me to bed as though I was a testy toddler. “I’m not planning on groping you, for shit’s sake.” He tucked me in, blankets pulled up to my chin. “We’ve been sharing the damn bed, get the fuck over it.”

He crawled into the other side of the bed after he’d turned off the lights. Nearly complete darkness surrounded us and made me far too aware of him. We weren’t touching, there was probably enough space between us for a wife or two, but still I KNEW he was there. And the bed wasn’t comfortable. How had I fallen away before? Why wouldn’t the fucking darkness rise up and grab me again? Damn it.

I was still awake when the sun rose. Still lying on the damn bed, flat as a board, completely awake and aware. Negan had stolen it. He’d taken away my nowhere. My nothing. My mask. And he snores.

Once it was light in the room, I climbed out of bed. I hadn’t looked out of the window. I hadn’t explored. And I wanted to.

The view wasn’t spectacular, but it was something. I was leaning against the frame, and just looking, wondering what happens next. Negan would give me a job, I vaguely recalled him explaining some during the tour. I squinted through the sun light streaming through the glass, what had I seen and heard? What else had I missed?

I heard the rustle of sheets from behind me, alerting me that Negan was awake. I didn’t turn to face him. I wanted to enjoy my solitude for a bit longer. I felt raw and tired. I felt like I was more exposed than I was, still only in the t-shirt and panties that I’d worn to bed.

Negan must have gotten out of bed, because I heard the bathroom door shut. I gave him silent thanks for giving me time alone. I let my mind wander back to Alexandria. To Dad. To Carl. To Daryl. They were like sand through my fingers. I felt something, but it was fleeting and I couldn’t grasp it and hold on to it.

I heard him come out of the bathroom, and I still didn’t turn. I didn’t say a word. I was trying so hard to hold on to the little piece of peace I had left. I could tell that he’d sat in ‘his’ seat. Which meant he had a clear view of me, or the back of me anyway.

“You know, staring a hole in a person is pretty damn creepy.” I said to the window.

He chuckled. “I was wondering if you were planning on jumping.” I groaned. Although, if he were willing to joke about it, maybe-

I turned and found him reclining in his seat, feet on the table before him, his hands behind his head. He looked well rested. That made one of us. “Sleep well?” I asked with only a hint of the irritation that I was feeling. Ugh, feelings.

“Like a baby, chock full of mama’s milk. You?” I could feel my nose wrinkle. “You look pretty fuckin' tense."

Seriously, darkness, now would be a fabulous time to come rushing back playing Pied Piper for me. Then I wouldn’t have to acknowledge him or his mocking. “The bed wasn’t comfortable. It was like I was the princess in The Princess and the Pea.”

He laughed. “Never been called a goddamn pea before.” I guess not, since I’m sure you’ve been called things that would make a former sailor blush. “I stayed on my side of the bed, sweetheart, so why couldn’t you sleep?”

Of course he would think it was about him. I REALLY wanted my former numb self. Blowing through this bargain without having to FEEL anything would make it much easier. I closed my eyes, searching for the way back. My way back to nowhere.

“Jessi?” His voice wasn’t as clear. Was it working? “Jessica Grimes, open your damn eyes.” Ugh, just like my feelings for Dad and my family it slipped away.

My eyes snapped open into a glare. “Why?” I asked, hearing the pain in my own voice. “Why did you have to meddle in something that wasn’t your fucking business?” I didn’t wait for his answer, I walked to the bathroom and shut the door. And just in case he thought I’d mindlessly follow his damn orders, I flicked the lock on the door.

[camillemontespan]

love is blind [TRR gang]

Who’s been watching Love is Blind on Netflix? Who’s become obsessed?

I hate reality TV but this show really pulled me in. So, I was inspired to write a short fic that is inspired by the show.

The premise: In this experiment, people are on the show to meet their future wife/husband. The thing is, they will never actually see each other until after they get engaged. They spend a few days talking in these pods that are separated by a wall. In one pod is the guy, in the opposite pod is the woman. They talk over speakers and fall in love based on emotional connection.

It’s fucking batshit. 

I fancied writing this short thing. It’s not even finished, I don’t know if I’ll update this because tbh I’m so busy this weekend and then I’ll be away, but I just wanted to get this down. 

Sorry for the recent spamming of fics. I’m now unemployed. 

@loveellamae​ @emichelle​ @moonlightgem7​ @ibldw-main​ @burnsoslow​ @mskaneko​ @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore​ @pug-bitch​ @katedrakeohd​ @marshmallowsaremyfavorite​ @jovialyouthmusic​

****************************************************

DAY 1 OF EXPERIMENT

Question: why the contestant is taking part in this blind love experiment. Are they romantic?

*************************

Leo eyes the camera and chuckles to himself. ‘Me? Romantic?’ he asks. ‘Hell no. But hey, I like an adventure and this is definitely the craziest thing I’ve ever done in my life. And I gotta tell you.. I’ve done some crazy shit in my time.’

********************************

Liam grins happily and nods. ‘I am what you would call a hopeless romantic,’ he answers. ‘I love romance and big grand gestures. If this works, how amazing a story would this be to tell my grandchildren? Your grandmother and I got engaged before we even saw each other. What a story!’

*******************************

Maxwell enters the room and gives a twirl before settling down on the chair. He gives the camera a wave. ‘Am I romantic?’ he muses. ‘Definitely. I’m taking part in this because I want to meet someone who likes me for me. Loads of girls I know are quick to write me off as being a bit weird. They don’t make an effort to get to know me. So I’d like to find a girl who sees me, like really sees me, you know? That would make me so happy.’

*******************************

Drake enters the room and instantly locates the decanter of whiskey. He pours himself a glass and takes a long swig before sitting down to speak to the camera. ‘Why am I taking part?’ he asks. ‘I lost a bet.’

He is asked if he is romantic. He shakes his head. ‘I’m too cynical for that romantic crap. I’m genuinely wondering who all these people are who have willingly signed up for this. Why would you do this? Why would you agree to marry someone before ever setting eyes on them? Is love blind? No. This isn’t a fairytale. This is real life.’ He sips his whiskey again. ‘Gotta say though.. If I meet the girl of my dreams, and that’s a big if, then I’ll give up whiskey for life.’

*******************************

Bertrand clears his throat and arranges his suit jacket delicately, feeling self conscious about being on camera. ‘I’m taking part in this because my brother, Maxwell, is,’ he admits. ‘I want to look out for him here. If I happen to meet a beautiful lady who loves classical music, the opera and literature, then that is a bonus. But we’ll see.’ He smiles now, looking down at his feet. ‘I’m a romantic deep down. I’m yet to show my true colours.’

******************************

Olivia struts into the room and sits on the chair, crossing her legs with her back ramrod straight. She rolls her eyes. ‘I’m not romantic, no,’ she says dryly. ‘I don’t believe in love at first sight, never mind that love is blind.’

She is asked why she is taking part. She smirks. ‘I want to blow this experiment apart,’ she says. ‘It’s bullshit.’

Olivia stands up now and helps herself to a glass of champagne. She toasts the camera. ‘Cheers bitches.’

*********************************

Camille enters the room and sits down, giving the camera a warm smile. ‘I’m a real romantic, yeah. I really like talking about feelings, it annoys my friends so much but honestly, I love this idea! I love the fact that this is stripped back, down to the bare bones, focusing just on communication. I love the idea of getting to know someone for who they are deep down with no judgement. I’m excited.’

Does she think she’ll meet the one? Camille laughs. ‘I have no idea. Probably not. But I’m open to meeting him if he’s here.’

************************************

Hana sits down and tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. ‘I’m taking part because I never do crazy things like this,’ she says quietly. ‘I’m always really careful, really reserved. I also feel like nobody knows the real Hana Lee; nobody bothers to in the real world. So this is my chance. I want someone to see me for me. Am I romantic? Yes. Love is the best thing in the world.’

***********************************

Kiara enters the room and looks around, whispering in French. She sits down and nods at the camera. ‘I’m taking part because I would like to meet a man who knows what he wants in life,’ she says. ‘I’ve got ambitions and I’m yet to meet someone who can be at my level. I want to meet someone intelligent and kind. Am I romantic? Not really. But I’m realistic in who I will and won’t date.’

**********************************

Penelope enters the room and waves at the camera. ‘I joined this experiment because for so long, it’s just been me and my dogs,’ she says. ‘I want to meet someone who takes me seriously, who actually wants to spend time with me. I’m a really nice person and it hurts sometimes when guys treat me badly. Maybe I just make bad decisions? I’m hoping that being separated by a wall means that the guys I talk to won’t judge me quickly; they’ll take the time to get to know me.’

***********************************

Aurelia enters the room. ‘Alriiiight, alcohol!’ she cheers, making her way over to the drinks trolley to pour herself some wine. She then catches herself. ‘Shit, am I allowed to do this?’

She sits down and smiles at the camera. ‘I’m taking part in this experiment because I’m really curious to see if this works. I’d love it if it did, how wild would that be?! A story to tell the grandkids, right? I guess, also, in the age of tinder, I’m sick of the dating scene. It’s so harsh, it’s like the fucking Hunger Games. Let’s see if this works. I’m excited.’

********************************

Drake settled down on the plush sofa in the pod and sipped his glass of whiskey. This was his first ‘date’ of the show. He had no idea what to expect. In this pod, it was just him. On the other side of the wall was his date’s pod. A woman in the same situation as him. 

He wondered what they would talk about. How weird this was? Probably. 

‘Hello?’

Drake jumped at the female voice that sounded over the speakers in his pod. ‘Uhh, hi?’ he replied back. 

The voice giggled. ‘Oh my God, this is crazy.’

Drake smirked. ‘I know, right? Insane. So... ‘

‘Are you drinking right now?’ she asked him. 

‘How did you know?’ Drake asked, sipping his whiskey.

‘Because I’m eyeing up that drink trolley and wondering if it’s okay to have some wine. You know, to calm my nerves.’

Drake chuckled. ‘Go ahead.’

He could hear the sound of wine being poured. 

Finally, she spoke again. ‘Okay, I’m settled down. So, what’s your name?’

‘Drake Walker. You?’

‘Camille Montespan.’

Drake smiled despite himself. Pretty name. 

‘Cool,’ he said. He opened his notebook that had a list of questions he wanted to ask. ‘So, Camille, where you from, how old are you, yada yada?’

Camille laughed. ‘Yada yada?’ she asked. ‘Wow, big talker. Okay, I’m from New York and I’m 27. You?’

‘I’m from Texas,’ Drake replied. ‘I’m 28.’

‘Texas huh?’ she said. ‘Are you a cowboy?’

‘Ha, I wish!’ Drake laughed. ‘I do own a cowboy costume though.’

Why the fuck had he just admitted that?

‘You do?!’ Camille cried. ‘Oh my gosh, details please. Like a halloween costume or something for the bedroom?’

Drake smirked. ‘If I said it was for the bedroom, would you like that?’

Camille let out a throaty laugh that warmed Drake from inside. He liked her voice too. It was a warm voice that reminded him of caramel. 

‘You know, I really would,’ she said. ‘Is it for the bedroom?’

‘Nah, it’s a costume I had to wear for the county fair when I was 18,’ Drake admitted. ‘Not sexy.’

‘Hmmm, yeah, not sexy,’ Camille agreed. ‘What’s Texas like?’

Drake settled back into the chair and got comfortable. ‘It’s warm,’ he said. ‘My family have a ranch so I spent my childhood outdoors. Mucking out the stables, riding the horses, fishing.. We have a lake by the ranch. My dad used to host 4th July parties, he was like the king of 4th July.’

Why the fuck was he suddenly talking about his dad?

‘That sounds amazing,’ Camille said. ‘So what’s your dad like? Is he keen on you being part of this weird experiment?’

Drake’s jaw set. He clenched the glass in his hand and didn’t answer. 

‘Drake?’ Camille’s voice was concerned. ‘Drake, you alright?’

‘Yeah, yeah..’ he murmured. ‘Uhh, sorry. My dad.. My dad died when I was fourteen.’

He heard her take a sharp intake of breath. ‘Oh god. I’m so sorry,’ she said. 

‘It’s cool,’ Drake replied quickly. ‘I’m over it.’

There was a silence. Drake wondered if he had scared her off. Well, if he had, then fuck her. 

She cleared her throat. ‘You know, when I lost my own parents.. I’m still not over it, Drake. I was five.’

Drake’s eyes widened. He could feel his heart hammering against his chest. Did she understand? 

‘Your parents..’

‘My parents passed away, yes,’ Camille said, her voice cracking. ‘So I get it, Drake. You can act aloof about it all you want and like it doesn’t hurt but it’s a void in your heart that will never be filled. You just got to take it day by day and eventually, it gets easier.’

Her breath hitched. Drake could hear it in her voice that she was getting emotional. 

‘Camille, are you okay?’ he asked, his eyebrows knitting together. 

‘Y-yeah..’

She wasn’t. Her voice was thick now. He knew she was probably starting to cry. 

‘Don’t cry on me, Montespan..’ he murmured. ‘I’m not good with women crying. Makes me say awkward shit and I put my foot in it, which trust me, you really don’t want to hear..’

He let out a sigh of relief when he heard her laugh softly at this. ‘You’re such a guy, Drake,’ she said, sniffling. ‘I’m okay.’

Drake bit his lip. ‘You sure? Want me to kick this wall down and give you a pat on the back? I don’t really go for hugs to be honest..’

Camille giggled. ‘I’m fine, but thank you. Means a lot. I can tell you don’t usually talk about feelings and things. Sorry I freaked you out there.’

‘You didn’t,’ Drake told her, his voice steady. ‘I understand.’

There was another silence which Camille broke. ‘I understand you too.’ 

*********************************************

Camille faces the camera with red rimmed eyes and a tissue in her hand. ‘What the hell was that?!’ she cries. ‘Why did I start crying? Oh my god, he’ll think I’m crazy.. God that was powerful. I cried in a room, alone, with a stranger on the other side of the wall who was basically holding my hand without actually holding my hand. Jesus. I… I need a drink.’

She is asked if she liked her first date with Drake. Camille looks down at her hands, hiding the blush on her cheeks. 

‘Yeah, I did,’ she whispers. ‘I know I cried.. Oh god, I cried on a first date, that’s awkward. But he seems nice. A bit reserved.. Though he told me about his dad which I think he tends to keep to himself? So that was really nice to be trusted. I felt like he trusted me. But, I think he’s going to be a slow burn. Under that gruff exterior is a marshmallow. I could tell because he was super concerned when I got upset. I’m excited to talk to him again.’

***************************************

Drake downs a glass of whiskey and shakes his hand. ‘That was fucking insane,’ he says. ‘So she started crying and I got all protective? I really wanted to kick that wall down. I just.. I’ve never talked about my dad before either. I never talk about him. I have no idea what happened in that pod or if you guys are putting something in these drinks, but I swear to God, I have never been that open.’

He chuckles. ‘I’m gonna be on my guard from now on.’

[snkpolls]

SnK Chapter 118 Poll Results

The chapter 118  poll closed with 1,311 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated.

Rate the Chapter 1,217 responses

“Sneak Attack” is the second highest rated chapter this year with only 1.2% expressing extreme unhappiness with the chapter.  The overwhelming majority (93.7%) rated it a 4 or 5 on our 1-5 scale.

A chapter I finally enjoyed with a lot of developments other than just Titan bashing. It would've been perfect if we also got some answers about Levi/Hange and Historia but well we can't have everything I suppose.

Finally got some great character development that is amazing payoff after all these years! The Shiganshina vets, Paradis Commanders, and Marley crew all had great moments!

Impressive how so many of the many many plotlines in the air were allowed some great development in just one, insane chapter.

I loved this chapter. I feel like shingeki is really at it's best when we have character moments and plenty of dialogue.

the chapter was too wholesome, I'm scared for next chapter

Which of the following was your favorite moment? 1,263 responses

“Mikasa leaving her scarf behind” has the slight majority, but only a few percentage points separate the top  choices. “Falco’s confession” and “Armin rallying everyone to Eren’s side” follow in second and third.

Mikasa is best girl, she is no ones slave ! I just need ch 119 now!

Go Go Mikasa!!!

I'm so into Armin having some kind of game plan and Mikasa moving forward.

I love this chapter. It was an action chapter but damn there were so many touching, human moments it made me so emotional. Connie outburst about being constantly betrayed (pls give this boy a break, he lost so much), Mikasa leaving the scarf behind, Nile helping Falco and speaking about his daughters, Grice bros reunion hug, FALCO'S CONFESSION, Zeke and Pieck still caring about each other.....

I'm so glad to see I was right about Onyankopon lying to Yelena because he had no other choice and still be loyal to the 104th and Hanji!!!

Well, better late than never; I am truly happy to see Mikasa’s development, being more independent.

WOW JEAN MY SON YOU'RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE

Who was this chapter’s MVP? 1,245 responses

Armin managed to claim the title of MVP this chapter, and it’s no wonder. Not only did he show some much-needed optimism regarding Eren’s current state, but he also chose to believe in Onyankopon’s sincerity regarding his lack of any awareness of the wine plot.

Honorable mention to Nile, who doesn’t show up in these polls often - but when he does he makes sure to give Armin a worthy adversary for the title of MVP. Best dad? Best dad.

A little insulted Yelena isn't an option for MVP, she is literally the ONLY interesting character this chapter

I believe in Armin. He is the understanding character who's really trying to understand things about Eren.

I believe in his statement that Eren's hatred towards Mikasa is a lie.

I love Jean. He is surely honest that he can't let Eren die and is willing to help.

Finally Armin puts it together for everyone

I'd say everybody was the MVP in this chapter: Onyan for being honest with AMJC Jean radiating bi energy towards Eren Mikasa for dropping her scarf Connie for being done with betrayal Nile for being a family man Pixis for admitting he drank too much Falco for confessing to Gabi Gabi for letting go of her prejudice AND OF FUCKING COURSE GENERAL MAGATH AND PIECK FOR MAKING THEIR MONKEY HUNT SUCCESSFUL HAHAHAHAHAHA

How dare you not have Yelena in the options for MVP! LOL but seriously woman is batshit crazy, u guys should have a "who did better" question comparing her psycho face with Armin's and Jean.

Nile deserves to live and see his family

Each of the commanding officers had a big moment. Whose did you enjoy the most? 1,252 responses

Nile may have only come in second place for MVP of the chapter, but most (64.5%) respondents thought that he had the best moment of any commander who made an appearance this time - taking care of Falco and helping to reunite him with his family. Pixis was a distant-runner up (17.3%), with Magath and Shadis nearly tied for third place with about 9% of the vote each.

Nile is best dad

Magath’s shot might have been my favorite moment if he hadn’t missed. >.<

I'd fight a bear just to save Shadis :((((

Seriously though, who is Shadis trying to impress?

This is gonna be long but OOF I cannot express enough how much I loved the little Shadis panel. Bless him.

Has Armin convinced Yelena of his loyalty to her cause? 1,264 responses

Armin seems to be acting like he’s on Yelena’s side once again, and her first reaction to his comments was visceral to say the least, but then she seemed to warm up.  57.9% of you think she’s rebutted acting with acting and is only pretending to give Armin her blessing, whereas only 15.4% think Armin’s Oscar worthy performance won her over.  26.7% don’t have a clue about what this crazy girl is thinking.

Yelena and Armin are both playing each other.

Yelena is CRACKERS and I love her.

Yelena isn't suspicious of Armin, just yandere levels of jealous that he will get to see the Jaeger on Jaeger action up close and personal

Yelena is so out of her mind it actually makes me think if there's something more to her?

Yelena gave me nightmares tho.

Yelena's crazy face scared the shit out of me.

yelena looks like she eats the gum underneath desks

Would knowing Falco drank spinal fluid deter Zeke from screaming? 1,263 responses

Well… 8% of the people who took this poll have a level of optimism that is truly admirable. The other 92% have far less trust in Zeke’s compassion and empathy, most leaning towards the “Hell no” category - that Falco’s wine ingestion wouldn’t even be a consideration if it came to it. Press F for Falco.

After he’s told Falco has ingested his spinal fluid. He’ll give a cold look and say “ah... I see. *inhale* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

When he learns about Falco's confession and screams because he doesn't want any Grice-Braun baby on his watch

I scream, you scream, we all scream for- Oh shoot Falco's a titan

Zeke screams when Zeke wants to

Do you think Nile will live to see his family again? 1,262 responses

Commander Nile Dok is one of the many citizens to have ingested the spinal fluid wine.  If they get transformed into titans, Nile would never get to see his wife Marie and their daughters again.  62.3% of you think he won’t reunite with them, while only 14.2% think he’ll see them again.  23.5% don’t know what they think his fate will be.

Nile deserves to live and see his family

Well, at least Nile and Pixis are goners for sure, but I still think that even if they are titanized, it isn't necessarily their end, because the power of the founder can be used to change the molecular structure of Titans, so if they don't die immediately Eren theoretically could turn them back into humans

please let nile see his family he's so underrated and he deserves it thank you mr. isayama

Which character’s feelings toward Eren best align with your own? 1,257 responses

Close to half the fandom agree with Armin that Eren is only doing this because he has no choice. In second place, almost a third agree with Jean’s “He’s a bastard but he’s cool.” The remaining ¼ of the fandom are divided between Mr. Braus (“Can we just head on home yet”) and Connie’s “I’m sick of being betrayed.”

Connie's anger is valid (fuck Eren)

Jean is out of character for part of it and I really hope that Armin has a secret plan to subdue Eren/at least get angry at Eren for all the shit he's put them through. Connie's right; Eren has been completely shitty and betrayed them even if he does it because he thinks he's saving them or something.

I'm glad Connie hasn't lost his ability to speak his mind, and is sick and tired of everyone's shit.

Armin wonders if Eren will use the rumbling to wipe out the world. What do you think? 1,249 responses

In this chapter, Armin thought back to Eren’s monologue at the ocean about killing everyone in the outside world. 56.2% of you don’t think that’s Eren’s goal at the moment, but that he would be willing to do it if push came to rumble. 20.1% think his end goal is in fact to flatten the earth, whereas 15.8% don’t believe Eren would ever do that in 2000 years.

ern got sneky plan up his slev

I think Eren intends to use the rumbling to destroy the world, but have confidence that Armin will be able to show him it's not the only way

Isayama has been making it so its not clear one way or the other. There are arguments for and against all of the options. I am waiting for a different plan altogether, but I would be fine with either way really.  

Eren himself will never do that. But if he is influenced by the memories of so many Attack Titan holders and the will to always move forward and fight, he probably will.

Eren will use the rumbling to deter the world, not destroy it unless he has to.

He'll use it but for a purpose we don't know about yet. Possibly a way related to the S1 miner story and the walls going deeper underground.

I think that Eren's ideology of being born into this world as a free person is something that isn't just applied to Eldians.  We know that Eren learned that those across the ocean are the same as those behind the walls.  Despite the hatred that parts of the world may have, I don't think Eren wants to take away the freedom of those who never knew any better.

The slight pause in Armin's expression seems to tell me there's more to what he's thinking! Not just rumbling  

I imagine we'll follow the time-loop theory and Eren will use the rumbling to rewrite (and rewind) the world to be one without any existence or recollection of titans. Or some weird shit like that.

Eren will turn all Eldian women into anime cat girls. That’s what I would do.

Do you think Armin is being genuine in his optimism about Eren? 1,248 responses

With all of the opinions on Eren floating around at the moment, Armin tries to convince the others that their friend isn’t on the side of evil.  The majority, at about 60% believe that Armin’s not positive of what he’s saying, but is trying to be optimistic.  32.5% think Armin truly believes Eren’s had no choice in what side he’s on.   Only 6.2% think Armin’s lying and tricking Yelena in that way.

He is being naive and basing his thoughts on his own perception of Eren. Or, he knows that Eren is up to something but needs to convince the others to work with Eren.

I think he’s pretending to support Eren to trick both the 104th and Yelena. The emotion he had after Eren hurt Mikasa was real,  no way he’s just over that. But I think it stands true that without Eren, Pradise’s fight would be lost. After everything that happened, though, why would the 104th want to help Eren? Thus Armin knew he would have to manipulate them (and Yelena, for other reasons) for the greater good in the end.

I'm not sure. He wasn't against feeding Eren to someone else if he rejected the SC and now he seems to stand behind him? I think he wants to play along until he knows the truth for sure.

He's deluding himself. He knows Eren is going to destroy the world but doesn't want to believe it.

Yes I believe so. Armin felt like he did not understand Eren anymore because his actions didn’t make sense. That was until Yelena expelled their plan to him in prison. I think that was the missing piece that solved Armin’s puzzle. He may not be certain about the exact plan Eren has but he has enough to go on that Eren would never agree to euthanise people.

I don't think he fully trusts Eren, but he knows that right now, whatever plan Eren has, keeping him alive will be best for Paradise's side. I think he definitely wants to see the good in Eren, but he also realises there might be darker motives in him, though he won't tell the others that in order to rally them properly.

He’s half trying to convince others that Eren is a liar, and half trying to convince himself. Armin just wants to understand, and I relate him.

*clenches fist* A C T I N G

Mikasa is leaving her scarf behind as she heads out for battle. How do you feel about that? 1,251 responses

The scarf coming off is a big moment for Mikasa, and most of us (59.7%) are optimistic that this is the beginning of some great development for her. For others (17.5%) the heartache is just too real. There was quite a bit of hopefulness in the write ins though!

MIKASAAAAAA <3 ok but... she's asking all the right questions!! putting away the scarf!!! thats my baby!!!

I was really excited about the scarf choice! I am not so much a fan of people misinterpreting what the scarf means though... Take a shot everytime you see someone say 'finally some development for mikasa'."

It keeps pushing along the development she has been receiving since the Time Skip. After her conversation with Eren, she more than likely associates it with the Ackerman Bond.  Her going out without is a statement that she's truly doing things by own will. Will it be the last time she wears it? I don't think so.

The scarf is her sanctuary and her cage. Leaving it behind is bittersweet and I think the next time she wears it (if she does so) it'll symbolize something totally new.

I want to see Eren's reaction to noticing Mikasa without her scarf

I'm glad that Mikasa decided to leave the scarf behind. She needs to live her life and become strong, independent, smart, mature woman. Being attached to Eren was only stopping her from her own growth. It doesn't matter if Eren was honest while saying about hating her. Mikasa is now opening her eyes and I hope that she will keep moving forward.

Mikasa removing her scarf leads into a perfect segway for Eren wrapping it around her again, as he promised in chapter 50. So I am actually quite excited for that as an Eremika fan, rather than worried.

Chekhov's scarf incoming.

I am more concerned about whatever the hell's going on inside Louise's head as she stares at that scarf.

Louise will take it for one reason or another.

The Marleyan's have new anti-titan rifles. Who will they be used on first? 1,239 responses

The anti-titan guns will no doubt be useful fighting the shifters but a slight majority of the fandom (36.7%) thinks the wine drinkers will be the first victims. 36.4% think they’ll be targeting one of the shifters first.

It’s taken 27 chapters, but Gabi has finally realized the people of Paradis are not devils. How do you feel about her character development? 1,257 responses

Gabi’s been in the story for quite a while now, and has finally come around to the idea that not all the walldians are evil devils.  Despite criticism of Gabi being a common sight, the majority of fans, at 37.8%, loved her development and are excited to see what she does next.  27.1% weren’t fans at first but have enjoyed her development, and 23.2% still don’t love her but she’s grown on them. Only 11.9% haven’t enjoyed anything Gabi’s had to offer the narrative.

Feeling validated in my love for Gabi, I'm so glad she finally reached this realisation!!

Granted, Gabi isn't nearly as bad as she was when she started, but her realization came way too late for me to feel anything for her. The damage at this point is already done, so I can't feel anything but complete disdain for her and could care less whether she lives or dies (though it seems like even now a lot of people are still rooting for the latter)

Gabi is best girl.

As expected from Gabi, so obvious and predictible "development " she is the proof that isayama isnt god, becouse everyone do mistakes. Worst manga character

I loved Gabi’s character development. I hope that she’ll do something useful in the next chapters.

I couldn't possibly care less about Gabi's "development". My interest/investment in this series died when Gabi killed Sasha and Isayama started painting the SC as "the bad guys". I didn't sign on for this BS.

I'm glad that Gabi had her moment of realization. It's easy to forget that she's just a child, brought up to believe certain things, and it's coming to that realization that matters the most.

Loved gabi’s character development so so much which i was waiting for. I’d call this chap kind of a heartwarming one in many ways. can’t wait for ch119.

How cute was Falco’s confession? 1,251 responses

In the midst of battle, Falco confesses his feelings to the girl of his dreams, one Gabi Braun.  Over half of you (52.1%) gave this confession a 5/5 on the cuteness scale.  25.6% rated 4 cute blushes out of 5, 14.1% were right in the middle at 3, and only 8.3% rated it negatively.

Falco is so pure.... WHAT A GOOD BOY.

Gabi and Falco's scene this chapter really hit me. So much beauty and heart. I feel like the story would miss something without them, aside from their relevance to the plot.

The Gabi-Falco moment wasn't that important to me since I literally just don't feel any particular attachment to the characters, but it WAS important to the story and it needed it happen.

Falco's confession was too cute and pure... oh my god I AM WEAK FOR YOUNG LOVE.

I loved Falco's confession and how him and Gabi were staring at each other at the end of the chapter. They were just so fucking cute.

Wow, for once I found myself having fun with this chapter instead of stressing out. Also, I DIED when Falco confessed to Gabi, that was the cutest scene I've witnessed since 108 and I couldn't have asked for a better birthday chapter. Thanks, Isayama!

Gabi and Falco are getting too much attention but their moments were cute nonetheless.

Falco is sooo cute! Loved that confession scene.

IM OFFICIALLY A GABI STAN, FALCO IS A CUTIE

Is there a chance Falco and Gabi will get married and live happily ever after? 1,260 responses

In a series as upbeat and cheerful as this, a happy ending for a young couple is certain!  Right?  RIGHT? 45.2% know the series they’re reading and are bracing for the worst form Isayama, and another 36.6% doubt it will end up all rainbows and smiles for this blossoming romance. 14.8% are holding out hope that it’s possible, and only 3.3% don’t think those little snots deserve a shot at happiness.

As cute as Falco's confession was, how is he going to marry Gabi and give her a happy life if he's going to inherit the Armored and then die in 13 years anyway?

Falco's confession was like a drop of purity and innocence in this cruel world. I wish they could live happily. That would be beginning of something new and hopeful.

Now when I say "they don't deserve a happy ending", I'm really just referring to Gabi. Falco deserves nothing but the best.

I'm also glad Gabi is finally awake, idk how I feel about Falco being some weird scapegoat shield foil for her (taking the hits every single time she gets herself into trouble), but I don't think her character development has peaked yet. She's too much of a parallel to Eren to be done already.

Bless Falco, he is just too pure for this cruel world... or maybe he is just what this cruel world needs.

Romances never end well in this series but somehow I hope that this one can come to fruition. I’ll be hurt if Falco actually dies. Maybe that’s what it means to suffer as a braun.

Can't wait for next chapter. PROTECT FALCO, COLT AND GABI AT ALL COST.

When will Zeke scream? 1,246 responses

A solid 35% of the fandom believe Zeke will only scream if he’s totally cornered by enemy troops. Following behind that at 26.4%, respondents feel that he will be doing it immediately in the next chapter. 20.5% think it will happen if and when he is torn out of his titan by an enemy soldier. A small sliver of respondents don’t think it will actually happen.

As soon as he steps on that Lego

Once he notices the people with balck arm bands who are gathered in the front line as pixis ordered, it will be his only salvation... again.

Depends on how bad the interference gets between him and Eren. He panics whenever things don’t go his way and that would be enough of a distraction to reach Eren. Although once they titanise they will also try to eat any surrounding shifters excluding Eren because of Zeke’s influence. It’s a reliable last resort for him.

If Eren gets to him and does his own plan. Once Zeke realizes Eren didn't uphold to the euthanasia plan, he'll scream

The only way he won’t scream is if Armin transforms and turns the tide of the battle. It seems that Zeke is only going to scream as a last resort, but if the battle doesn’t shift back in his favor soon, then he will for sure. I think it’s on Armin at this point.

Not if Eren has a say in it. For all he knows the 104th are still in the building, along with anyone infected that he cares about. If Zeke tries to scream, I feel that Eren will somehow stop him.

Will the Rumbling be activated in this battle? 1,244 responses

66.6% of respondents (is this an omen?) feel that we will at least see a partial rumbling during this battle. 23.4% feel solid about Eren not activated it at all, and the remaining 10% of respondents feel sure that Eren is going to unleash the big guns.

Destroying the world would be too simple. Eren might try to use the wake up call and make people to see that everyone is the same.

I'm still unsure whether this battle will lead to a full or partial rumbling. There are characters who are still missing the call: Kiyomi, Historia, Hitch, Annie…

I don't think Eren is going to activate the rumbling when he touches Zeke. I think he has something else up his sleeve.

Is it wrong that I WANT the Yeagerbros to use the Rumbling? It will basically wipe out the rest of the outside world that has done nothing but persecute Eldians and try to exterminate the protagonists. I see nothing wrong with this 'genocide' plan of theirs.

Eren using the rumbling to destroy the rest of the world makes no sense, especially after what he told Reiner and the fact that it’s what everyone assumes he wants to do.

Zeke is now close enough to titanize those infected by the wine. Do you think he'll do it? 1,251 responses

Reflective of the earlier question about when Zeke will scream (we may not have realized we got a little redundant, oops!), the majority of the fandom believe that Zeke will definitely titanize the wine infected Eldians in the area. A small 11% have faith that he won’t do it.

Zeke stop being such a retard already and let's get to the good stuff! The rumbling the scream! Come on dude!

I both want Zeke to scream for cool storytelling but I don’t because I love the people who would be affected

Zeke screaming is too predictable, same with falco becoming a titan shifter, I will be a little disappointed if isayama does that

Is this the final battle? 1,252 responses

While a third feel that this is climactic enough to constitute the finale, a clear majority (68.1%) feel certain that there is still more to come after this battle

This can’t be the final arc because it doesn’t really feel like the strongest arc. Isayama would make the final arc amazing

We're in the endgame now

If this is really the final battle I worry it'll be rushed. Mikasa only just started her development to "get free" from Eren and Armin still hasn't lived up to Erwin's legacy. Then there's Hange and Levi, who I still hope to see in action again. Same for Annie. If we don't get to see female titan in action one last time, I'll be disappointed. Not sure how can that happen, since she's still back in Wall Sheena (and I hoped Armin would see her wake up), but please...

Prediction time! Death flags are everywhere, who do you think will die in this battle?

Unlike the other groups in this section of the poll, a few hundred people chose not to make any selections for the Survey Corps, expressing confidence that they will all survive this battle.

When we look at combined results, the death flags are waving most prominently for Floch (741 votes), the senior military (650), Reiner (598), Connie (594), Porco (588), and Yelena (583).

Senior Military 1,196 responses

When Nile waved goodbye at Falco, it wasn't just meant for him. It was also meant for us. This chapter really felt like this is the last we will see of Nile as a human. The next time we see him, he will be a Titan for sure.

My heart breaks for Keith. He also drank from the wine, so he´s a goner? What do you guys think?

Survey Corps 916 responses

As much as I love Jean, it really hurts  me that I chose him and Connie as the next characters in the Survey Corps that will die, because it feels like they will.  I really hope I'm wrong.

Connie will die soon, mark my words.

I didn't really catch any death flags for the survey corps? Maybe hange or levi but that's it

Jaegerists/Volunteer 1,133 responses

if floch dies next chapter many extremely manly tears may be shed for that lovable nutter

Can Zeke just die? It's been 3 times he survived from death. It makes it predictable

I don't want Zeke to die, I don't want Zeke to be betrayed by Eren. Eren, please... My heart is breaking.

Marleyans 1,150 responses

I have huge soft spots for both Nile and Falco and am in denial about their eventual fate :(

pieck must never die

I hope Reiner doesn't join Berthold just yet

reiner must die

It’s really great seeing Pieck get more spotlight, now all I need is her last name, and I can accept her probable death

If my boi Reiner were to die I'd drop the manga

Which titan power do you think Falco will inherit? 1,204 responses

Will all of Falco’s warrior training pay off now that he’s in a situation where he might become a titan?  The most popular option at 55.4% is that he’ll inherit Reiner’s armored titan.  26.7% don’t think he’ll end up becoming a shifter at all. The Jaw and Beast were the next most popular choices, at 7.9% and 6.9% respectively.

The stage is set for Falco to inherit Reiner's titan.

I know the prevailing theory is that Falco will eat Reiner and get his power (and it'll probably happen too) but something about letting a kid inherit Ymir's curse all over again doesn't quite sit right with me. Like what Eren said: Falcon deserves a long life too. But I guess it's better than being titanized by Zeke's scream and shot by one of those guns.

No Colossus option? C'mon.

What would you most like to see next chapter? 1,219 responses

Levi and Hange top the wish list with just over one fourth of the fandom (21.7%) hoping for an update on their condition. Eren and Zeke touching is second (17.6%) and Eren noticing his friends in the fray is third (16.2%).

Annie will reappear, DRINKS ON ME

I fucking hope Eren and Zeke touch bc damn this chapter seemed to be so short and we’ve been eating for so long.

Glad to see Jean mentioning Levi & Hange, makes me expect (and fear) that they will be included in the next chapter.

Hange and Levi plz

I hope we can get a glimpse of Eren's thought. I need his perspective more, more than anyone else's. And last but not least, Levi's condition.

I'm excited to see the gang join the battle

I'm genuinely at a point where this whole 'mystery MC motives' thing is making me want to drop the series for a while. Please just rip the bandaid off if Eren is going to be a legit ~villain~ or whatever, stop dragging this out for so long.

With this being the last chapter of the current volume now would be a perfect time to check in on levi and hange's conditions and perhaps could pace the way for some good angsty chapters that eventually lead to them two coming into this battle with a brilliant game changing fighting strategy (maybe some hange backstory too if we are lucky enough like cmon its the final arc and hanges the only main cast that hasnt had any hint of a background)

Eren and Zeke touching lol phrasing

At this point, around which chapter do expect the manga will conclude? 1,163 responses

Not a whole lot has changed here since last month, but we had a slight increase in the percentage of respondents that think 130 or 134 will be the final chapter of the manga. The percentage of people who believe the manga will continue to chapter 138 or beyond has stayed about the same. Similarly, the people who think the manga will end at chapter 122 or 126 are hanging in there - and it doesn’t seem like they have been convinced otherwise.

Where do you primarily discuss the series? 1,141 responses

While Reddit and Tumblr hold steady, Facebook has been making tiny gains in recent months. Thank you again to everyone who participated, regardless of what platform you are on! If you are on an underrepresented platform, please feel free to share the poll there.

Additional thoughts on the chapter?

Some of you have never been brainwashed by an evil regime and it shows.

I ache for Nile, we misjudged him, he is such a sweetheart with his three little girls! <3 I have a bad feeling he'll die, but I really, really hope he survives this, because from *his* original trio, he's the only one left. Mike and Erwin are gone. :(

A lot of people think Armin only function in this arc is just to blow up and follow Eren's game but I think he is going to become the third option in this conflict, as soon he confirms his fears about Eren true intentions with rumbling.

As for the titan serum wine victims, maybe they won't be affected if they don't hear Zeke's scream if they cover their ears hard enough

AVENGE YOUR SISTER, KAYA! DESTROY THE HATED ONE!

Eren is a shit. Who puts his friends and family of dead friend into a prison together with potential titans? If someone from Sasha's family dies because they were locked in Shingashina, Eren will be officially the worst person ever and I will root for his terrible and painful death.

Eren looked so pretty in that last panel

EREN PLEASE- DO SOMETHING. SAVE THE KIDDOS.

Finally the story is starting to progress again after months of nothing really happening that builds the story. Finally we are getting answers without getting anymore questions. This is a lot less infuriating than previous chapters have been.

i feel like there is going to be a lot of deaths tho since we are in for a large scale battle, mainly with all the people that consumed the wine.  but i still think  Hizuru will come into play here and in a dangerous way.  

I just hope a happy ending for everyone (or most of them) but knowing isayama, I will read happy endings only in fanfiction

I like Gabi now

I hope Mikasa realizes she’s NOT a slave and Eren’s Ackerman talk was bullshit. Ackermans are the most free ppl in this series

I wish for Eren not to turn like a villain, I want him to keep his same goals from the very beginning and save his friends, the Eldians, and unite them with Marley all together. I hope he can team up with Reiner and defeat Zeke. Most of all, I would like Mikasa to break her bonds she has with Eren and live for herself. And for Armin, to free Annie with the help of the Survey Corps and Reiner with Porco together so that Annie could fight on the right side for once, then return home peacefully.

If Armin isn't lying I'll eat one (1) entire issue of Bessatsu Shounen Magazine.

It didn’t focus as much on the fights as last time, focusing more on how the characters are being affected by the fight

It was amazing and it felt a bit more hopeful than the other chapters. But since it is supposed to be the last arc, something big will happen for sure and i am not ready XD!

Mikasa does not wear the protective shields. Foreshadowing? My Eekstinct tells me she is going to be injured in this battle and then Kiyomi makes a move that shock everyone, drags Mikasa away and keeps her promise of protecting her.    And then Hizuru arc begins EEEEEEEEK

Needs more Annie and Historia but still a 10/10. Should be 11/10 though.

One of the greatest cliffhangers ever. It created such a conflicting feeling in me. If Zeke doesn't die asap, he is going to scream. If he does, Eren won't be able to activate the rumbling to defeat Marley. It's two terrible results.

People could use some pointers from Yelena and stop looking at Eren as this messiah-like figure who is here to bring world peace or balance or any of that stuff. Eren doesn't fight for the world, he never did. He fights for the freedom of him and his people and if flattening the earth gets him that then so be it. After all, he will keep moving forward, until his enemies are destroyed.

Probably my favorite chapter out of the last year! I thought it was going to be more action heavy but there were so many touching character moments and I absolutely loved it for taking its time to touch on almost everyone

This is like the 4th time in 5 chapters that Zeke is on the brink of death and my poor heart can only take so much ;-;

Unpopular Opinion (don't kill me), I feel that Pieck is such a Mary Sue.  I get that she is highly skilled among the Warriors, but she has seriously only had one "mistake" since her introduction (Panzer Unit explosion).  Other Warriors such as Reiner, Bortolo Colon, even Zeke have suffered multiple beat downs throughout the story.  I just want her to not feel as invincible at times, as it seems she's always one step ahead.

We’ve heard little to nothing about Eren’s philosophy and state of mind since after the time jump (and even after the RTS arc ended), I think we’re in for some info soon enough

Yelena is the representation of all the creepy fangirls who just wanna protecc their otp change my mind

Well, if I wasn't right about anything else, I was right in that shit has completely gone down. Probably one of my favorite chapters in the whole manga.

With so many airships this month cant we just rename Attack on Titan to Attack on Airships ? :D

[dtissagirl]

I fought the war but the war won

Warning: all the spoilers for Avengers: Endgame.

OF COURSE I have no doubt Natasha would sacrifice herself for the world in a heartbeat.

And between her and Clint, it's obvious her thinking is he can have a future with his ~family~, and she's obviously been insanely isolated these last five years, and filled with regret, and sacrificing herself for her found family [and saving the universe in the process] is worth it for her.

But my problem is I don't acknowledge the existence of Clint's family because that's a dumbass story idea from the worst movie ever GO AWAY LINDA CARDELLINI.

And watching Nat and Clint back together made my heart ache because those two belong together -- romantically if you prefer it so, but mainly together as in partners that work insanely well together in a fictional narrative. They have had this lived-in chemistry from the first Avengers, and I didn't realize how much I had missed it until this movie.

[Fuck Joss Whedon with a cactus forever.]

[Someone make me that Black Widow movie and show me Budapest. I DESERVE IT.]

...

And then the scene with all the dudes in the lake angry-mourning Nat looks REALLY REALLY BAD because the only thing that emotionally rings out of that scene is HOLY SHIT THEY FUCKING KILLED THE ONLY WOMAN OH MY GOD PLEASE END ALL MEN WRITING SUPERHERO STORIES BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HORRIBLE THE OPTICS ARE WHEN THEY FUCKING KILL THE ONLY ORIGINAL WOMAN AVENGER IN THE FIRST HALF OF THE MOVIE THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CELEBRATE THEIR LEGACY. HOLY FUCK.

...

Holy motherfucking shitballs what they did to Thor was a supreme case of extreme fatphobia. So fucking embarrassing. And they could have done the exact same depression/PTSD shit without a fat suit. Fatness is NOT a character flaw, and for this movie to think it's okay to portray it as such, and for most people in the audience to not even realize how horrible this is... well, that's the fatphobic world we live in everyday wherein thin people don't realize how fucking horrible they are about fatness ALL THE TIME. Ugh.

And hey, I think Hemsworth is a comedic genius at this point, and I'm super glad Hollywood at large has realized he can run circles of funny and comic timing around everybody else [THANKS, GHOSTBUSTERS!], but the fat suit soured it forever in this movie.

...

Look, I know at this point Goop is a hazardous danger to women's health at large, and call me a hypocrite for separating actor and character this particular time when I usually don't, but I love and adore and cherish Pepper Potts with all my heart.

SHE is the reason I'm so connected to the MCU. My hook wasn't any of the superheroes, it was Pepper in the first Iron Man movie. She's the glue that has made me engage with this universe so deeply for the last ten years. All the fanart, all the fic, all the fanworks ever I've created or consumed in the last decade, it has been all about how much I adore Pepper.

And to see her in the Rescue armor in the final battle, I just. I wasn't expecting it. I hadn't even thought it was ever gonna happen, but THIS was the true culmination of the past ten years for me. From now on, I can say it without a doubt every single time someone asks me who's my favorite Avenger. It's Pepper Potts.

[I also kept thinking about my friend S. She would have been so fucking ecstatic about this. It hit me right in the face when Pepper showed up in battle -- I so dearly wish S were here to see this.]

...

Okay, so, disclaimer: I don't have a horse in the Steve Rogers 'shipping infinity wars. I crack 'ship Steve with Maria Hill forever and ever because they would make the prettiest babies on the planet and I don't even like babies. The only part of Ultron that I acknowledge is Maria wearing Steve's jacket at the party. It's the ONLY thing that happened in that movie, NOTHING ELSE DID.

And I don't even blame Steve in any of this mess, to be honest.

The problem here is structural. The narrative went OUT OF THIS WAY to establish HOW time-travel works in this universe. They even got all gloat-y about how every movie ever made was wrong about the ~quantum physics~ of it. They even had bald Tilda Swinton MAKE A POWER POINT PRESENTATION about the rules of time travel.

They set up ONE very specific rule -- changing the past doesn't alter one's own future, it creates a separate timeline of events. O-kay. Pretty simple rule.

...And then Old!Cap who looks scarily like Joe Biden broke that one rule.

Because he did. He went back in time and put all the stones in their proper place in the timeline[1]... and *after that* he went back to the 40s to live happily ever after with Peggy[2], THUS ***CHANGING THE PAST*** and *****CREATING AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE*****.

So there's no. fucking. possible. way. he could have grown old in the original timeline.

And like. They could have fixed that by having Joe Biden Old!Cap legit come back IN THE TIME TRAVEL SUIT IN THE QUANTUM PLATFORM. THAT WOULD HAVE FIXED THIS PROBLEM. But they didn't, so they broke their own story.

And the consequence of this fuck up is... Steve a horrible person. [And even writing that makes me sad because he isn't? He wouldn't ever?] But by breaking their story and their own time-travel rules, it fucks up Steve so badly I wanna cry. So what, he lived a whole life in this same timeline, and did nothing to change anything? Did he marry the future DIRECTOR OF SHIELD and never told her about Hydra? About Bucky? Did he open a newspaper one day and read that Howard and Maria Stark died in a car accident and went, oops? Did he pretend he was sick when his wife told him she was going to the funeral of her lifelong friend?

Do you see how badly it looks? It's bad. The Steve I know and love doesn't deserve this. Please go punch the Russos in the face, Cap.

Notes:

[1] HOW did Steve even put the stones in jewel form back in their proper places in the timeline when they stole the Tesseract in cube form, the mind stone with the scepter, the whatever stone that was they got from Star Lord that was inside an orb... HOW do you even put the soul stone back, like, does Cap go to Vormir and goes, oh hey, RED SKULL MY OLD BUDDY, MY OLE TIME FELLA, here's your soul stone back? Does he get Natasha back for the stone? Isn't it a soul for a soul? Does it work in reverse too?

[2] Hey, so if Steve lived happily ever after with Peggy in this timeline did he erase her future kids? This is Barry Allen levels of fuckupdness, Steve. Gah. And also -- I would pay actual monies to watch time-traveler Steve explain to Peggy that after he went to her funeral he kissed her niece. This is why I 'ship Steve with Maria Hill, man. No complications. Only pretty.

Also: STEVE ROGERS ERASED THE ENTIRETY OF THE AGENT CARTER TV SHOW. That's pretty unforgivable, man. They even had TV show Jarvis right there in this movie driving Tony's dad around in the 70s to make THIS BETRAYAL hurt more.

...

Four hours after I watched the movie I remembered Tony died and started ugly crying again. I'm glad he had those five years of a good life, I'm so glad he had a kid -- that kid, so obviously HIS kid it hurt, I'm so glad Pepper and Rhodey and Peter were there with him in his last moments. I'm glad he got the proper hero death. It still hurts like a son of a bitch.

...

Professor Hulk is a forever delight and he and I need to become besties so we can talk about quantum physics and eat hulkish amounts of breakfast foods every day.

...

I find Thanos to be a complete bore, so every time he sat and started monologuing I stopped paying attention because I DESERVE TO NOT have to listen to giant purple incels pretending they ~know best~ about anything.

But I did appreciate that there was a difference in tone. This was 2014 Thanos, before he went full on cray cray with the monologuing, so he spoke less [bless], and he went full nihilist I AM GOING TO DESTROY THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE instead of only half of it ~for balance~ or whatever. Because Infinity Wars tried to make it like Thanos wanting to kill 50% of the universe had some sort of ~logic~ behind it, and that was way too close to ~both sides~ shit, and, no, son. Him wanting to destroy EVERYTHING put him in the right proper category of batshit crazy bananapants deranged, and that's where he should have been ALL ALONG, no ~he has a point~ arguments ever valid, he doesn't, he never did, shut the fuck up.

...

I actually really really enjoyed the pacing of this movie. Granted, I'm not stupid and I took a muscle relaxant beforehand so that I could sit still for one hundred and eighty two fucking minutes, but I honestly didn't feel it drag at all at any time [and I felt all the other Avengers movies drag at some point or another].

I appreciated it so much that the set up for the final battle took waaaaay longer than the final battle. [I know people go ga-ga for battle scenes, but eh. I prefer my superheroes as pretty people who talk really fast, and battles make them stop talking.]

My favorite sequence was the revisiting of the previous movies. I loved every single piece of it, and I know in my heart that I'm gonna rewatch those sequences over and over and over again for the rest of forever. THE CAP 2 ELEVATOR SCENE REENACTMENT BUT NOT REALLY OH MY GOD THAT WAS GLORIOUS.

Also Loki stealing the Tesseract [again!] was aces. Sure it was to set up extra time-travel shenanigans, but still. Loki and the Tesseract belong together. Please let this be the premise of the Disney+ series.

...

Even though battle sequences aren't really my thing, I would like to express my DEEP ABIDING LOVE for the part when all the women got together to help Peter move the Big Glove of Kitsch towards the van. My packed theater clapped so hard. I cried.

...

HOW DOES PETER PARKER GO BACK TO SCHOOL FIVE YEARS LATER AND HIS BUDDY IS STILL THERE DID HIS BUDDY FLUNK HIGH SCHOOL FIVE YEARS IN A ROW? WHAT?

...

Also Cap and the Hammer, the actual true love story of this movie. Thor's little "I knew it". I knew it too, buddy.

...

I'm gonna need Marvel to release the behind the scenes footage of the filming of Tony's funeral. I hope the cast had an actual party right there, all somberly dressed in black and everything.

...

After a full season of 22 episodes of television in a movie screen, this was a pretty great finale. Congrats on making the most expensive tv show of all time, Marvel. Excelsior!

[skruffie]

modern warrior tiktok BS

(HEAVY SIGH)

throwing this under a cut because a lot of this is more trying to unpack my feelings rather than offer a summary essay on what’s been going on this week

Alright, so if you’re on Tiktok you may have seen this guy on there that will call racists out with “Hey colonizer”. There was a huge scandal happening a few months ago that... if I have to be honest I could barely follow what was going on. Womblands?? It happened, people moved on, etc.

Recently, Lance (Modern Warrior) posted a video with his partner where they’re saying “if you identify as white passing or white presenting, you’re white” and literally EVERYONE DISLIKED THAT, ACROSS THE GLOBE

there is a lot that we can unpack about the concept of whiteness but what I understand of it is that it can sometimes be conditional. Someone who looks white to one person may not look white to someone else. This is where a lot of my feelings about this whole... thing just kind of spill out everywhere.

A few years ago when I had broken through the brick wall in my dad’s family tree and found out we’re Métis, it pried open so many generational wounds. A lot of things made more sense about my dad and my family that didn’t quite make sense before, and it also led me to taking my Yurok heritage on my mom’s side more seriously. Different epiphanies started coming up for me that I never gave much weight to my whole life until I started seeing pictures of relatives in this day and age--like... this is going to sound completely batshit insane because you can literally go see pictures of me and see how connected to whiteness I am but I had privately confessed to my mom that I don’t really get white people. She doesn’t either. When she was a lot younger, she had a lot of friends of color who told her “you’re not white” pointing to features about her like her dark hair and eyes, because to them white is like.. blonde WASPy types, but she still walks through this world and is treated as a white woman otherwise. She received settlement money from the state of California for the genocide, for fuck’s sake. That’s how close we are to this.

I think about how when I was a kid I looked at my nose and I quietly wondered why it didn’t look like other white peoples’ noses. When I started seeing parts of my facial features in Indigenous relatives, it started falling into place. I look at photos of cousins and then look at my maternal grandma for example and I had this startling revelation that my grandma was white passing. I don’t think she ever used the term herself, but you can look at her compared to her brother--who is darker skinned--and she has the same smile and nose shape of our Yurok relatives. She also had blue eyes.

I feel like if we had all grown up connected to Métis culture or Yurok culture, I probably would feel different than I do now. The place that I reached finally in how I would self identify is like... if someone points and me and goes “you’re white” I’m not going to disagree. If someone points at me if I’m participating in Métis or Yurok culture, or if I’m talking about Native issues, and they say “you’re white” to mean that I can’t be doing that, then I would tell them to fuck off. At the same time, I would not call myself a person of color because it feels wildly inappropriate to do so.

So we have Lance. We have the response from the Indigenous community all over the globe. Every single person on here is like “no, fuck this guy, you’re erasing BIPOC people and perpetuating colonization”  and I have no idea how to feel about this personally. I am white, I am Métis, I am Yurok, I’m all of these things all at the same time. I would be the letter I in BIPOC but I feel like also I would be laughed out of any room if I tried to be like “yes hello I have a voice in this as a person of color”. That thought makes me intensely uncomfortable! I don’t know how to sit with that, I don’t know how to talk about it, I don’t know WHO to talk about it with because it just feels like... centering whiteness still.

One of the responses to Lance’s tiktok was someone saying how people who are white passing witness racism at the macro level. When you have only white people in a room, white people will sometimes say the most heinous racist shit you can think of if they think there isn’t a person of color around. It didn’t even occur to me to think of that as experiencing racism until they pointed it out. I just think about this woman I saw at a Native festival pre-covid--I was wearing my sash and went up to her booth and was like “how are you” and she was looking up at the Tlingit dancers up on the stage, and in this incredibly glazed-over slow voice she was like “I sure do love watching those Indians” LIKE WHAT???  HUH? ARE YOU ON EARTH RIGHT NOW LADY

JUST

I was so comfortable just kind of existing in this liminal space and all of the discourse has set me adrift again.

Once I sat down with an old BQ chart and tried to calculate precisely where I would fall, and the end result? Does not matter. Depending on the document I could have three or four different degrees of blood if I ever get a CBID. The experience was dehumanizing. I can’t just... look at the names of my ancestors, where they were born, their faces (for those I have photos of) and then try to just assign them a fucking fraction on a chart. I can’t do that to them and I can’t do that to myself. It was a terrible feeling. Métis don’t even do BQ anyway and my Yurok cousins will still share cultural knowledge with me no matter how white I am anyway.

[they-know-not-what]

The Winchester Recital

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part 5

Part Six - Eating

They don’t eat. (Trigger warning for EDNOS/poor self-image/poor self-esteem - please don’t read if you don’t want to)

They don’t eat.

Not like normal people do. Some days there are no worries, they order pizza, they bake cookies, they pick up sandwiches on the way back from lectures.

Other days are different.

It’s not that he doesn’t know that his body needs fuel to function. That’s how he has to think of it sometimes, as fuel, a purely mechanical process. He’s lost count of the amount meals he had chewed and swallowed down without tasting. But he’d been able to do it; whilst hunting. There were set amounts of protein and carbohydrates that he made sure to consume. He rationalised it as keeping his family safe. Sometimes he had blips, but Dad was never around to notice, and Dean seemed to think it was normal behaviour for him.               Sam has always been a health “freak”, as Dean would say. Often forgoing the greasy diner food that was all that they had the money for. John had no time to coddle kids who wouldn’t eat the food in front of them. Dean was not so easy to convince. Weedling Sam with fries until Sam would put away a portion just to make him happy, hustling pool when they were staying in town in order to stack their fridge with “rabbit food” as he put it.

Other times he had been less sympathetic.

               “For god’s sake, Sam! Stop being such a diva and eat the damn burger!” Sam would stubbornly purse his lips shut and push the plate away. “Fine, see if I care!”                Sam was stubborn, but he had learnt that stubbornness from Dean, and the burger would always make it back to the motel room, wrapped up to go by the underpaid waitress.                “You’re being selfish” Dean hissed before jamming his headphones over his head and blasting Metallica from his busted up cassette player, before crossing his arms and shutting his eyes, as if he even couldn’t bear to look at Sam at that moment.                This had been after a particularly stressful day of travelling and arguing between all three of the Winchesters, which John had promptly escaped after dinner by heading off to the nearest bar after tossing Dean the keys. Sam had been in no mood to acquiesce to any requests made of him, and had promptly dropped the wrapped up burger in the bin, making sure that Dean had seen.                Now though, the guilt was compacting in his chest, and he walked back over to the bin and picked it out, glad that in his strop he hadn’t unwrapped it. The burger was cold, which was obviously his fault, and unappetising which was just standard for cheap burgers, but he ate every bite – ignoring the way it made his stomach roll.                Later on, when Dean comes around, he finds the empty burger wrapper on the side table between the two beds with something scribbled on it in black biro.

“Sorry, Dean”

When Sam wakes up on the lumpy sofa, covered in the comforter from Dean’s bed. The smell of the godforsaken burger is too strong. He wrinkles his nose and realises the wrapper is right next to his face.

“Sorry bitch”

Sam smiles and mutters “jerk” to the darkened room.

So yeah, Sam has blips.

Jess is different.

She is a product of a society of which Sam has barely been a part. She’s spent her whole life being told that she has to be pretty, funny, smart. Thin but curvy in the right places, she shouldn’t diet but should somehow maintain a perfect figure, exercise with a face full of un-smudged make up and styled hair. And she does it without a second thought. Sam can’t help but admire her ability to adjust at whatever’s thrown at her. Sometimes he doesn’t understand how she’s so well adjusted.

Sometimes she isn’t.

Jess was meant to meet Sam twenty minutes ago, there was a party going on downstairs that she had been so excited about and so he had reluctantly agreed to go. What the hell, Sam isn’t much of a drinker, but it could be fun.                He doesn’t want to rush her, he figures the hair and the makeup and that cool thing she does with her eyeliner must take time. He also doesn’t want to seem crazy. His hunter instincts are screaming at him that something awful must be happening, but Brandy told him to “chill out, chicks take their time.” Sam makes it another five minutes before he’s leaving the party as quickly as is socially acceptable – and even that gets him a few strange looks. As soon as he’s out of eyeshot he sprints to her room, banging on the door with urgency. Yeah, he doesn’t have a weapon, but he’ll use a lamp of a chair or whatever as long as she’s safe and-

               “Sam?”                “Jess?” he’s in her room as soon as she opens the door, holding her close, looking around for the danger. It takes him a second to realise she’s crying. Well, she was crying. Shock at his arrival and apparent impending insanity has rendered her quiet, but her face is still wet, eyelashes fused together with smeared makeup and tears. “Jess, what’s wrong? Are you hurt? What’s happened?” he holds her at arms’ length and inspects her from head to toe. She uses the distance to break out of his hold, and turns away from him, wiping her face as she does so. It doesn’t have the desired effect, and she seems to only succeed in smearing it worse.                “I’m not going to the party Sam, I don’t feel like it.” Her voice softened “You should go back and have fun. I’m sorry.” She walks away from him and shuts the door behind her, hiding herself in the separate area that houses her bed.

Well done Sam, you had a girlfriend for a whole six months before she realised you were batshit crazy. Good job.

“Jess?” he knocks on the door before opening it, taking the fact that she hadn’t locked it as a good sign. She’s curled up on her bed, hiding her face in her knees. The room, which is normally fairly neat with only a sweater or so on the floor, is so covered in clothes, Sam can barely see the carpet.                “Go away, Sam.” There’s no malice in it, she just sounds small, and tired. He takes a single step into the room and lowers his voice.                “I will, I will go if that’s what you want. But please Jess, tell me what’s wrong with you. How can I help?” She mumbles something into her knees that he can’t catch. “Sorry?” she looks up suddenly, eyes still filled with tears, muscles tensed.                “I said I’m ugly! Sam!”                “Ugly… ? What-?”                “Yes I’m ugly, and hideous and- and – fat!!” she spits the word, and she’s grabbing at her arms and legs now, slightly hysterical pinching every ounce of skin she can get her hands on as if this somehow proves what she’s saying.                “Jess, if there’s one thing I know it’s that none of that is true.” He says gently.

               “Then you clearly don’t know very much!” she rolls over onto her side, turning away from him. He takes a chance, and sits down on the other side of the bed, keeping out of her personal space.

               “Actually, I think you’ll find I’m very smart” he quips and grins cheekily. It’s a grin that just last week she had described as ‘adorable’, now she looks as though she’s considering slapping it off his face. He holds up his hands in placation as she rolls over, but instead of going for him she grabs her own stomach, squeezing again.

               “Then why do I look like this?!” she demands angrily, until after a second, when all the fight seems to go out of her again and she sags into the bed, chest heaving with silent sobs. And Sam feels a momentary rush of anger that to see Jess look so defeated.

She should never look that.

He takes her hands gently, turns them over as if examining them, pecks kisses on each short but carefully painted nail.

               “You look like this, because I’ve seen these hands play the most beautiful piano I’ve ever heard, and make the most amazing cookies I’ve ever tasted.” He strokes up and down her arms, over her shoulders and neck.

Gently, always gentle with Jess.

“I’ve seen you carry fundraising buckets for entire weekends which are always full of change because no-one can say no to you.” His right thumb rests on her lips as his left one caresses her cheek. “I’ve heard this mouth tell the most

wicked

jokes and speak somewhat-passable French.” She taps his arm lightly, in mock annoyance. “You look like this, because at some point a couple of stars must have fallen from the sky to become your eyes. You look like this, because my girlfriend is the most beautiful, funny and talented woman in the world.” He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “So please don’t make her cry by saying mean things about her, because I love her more than anything in the world. She’s the axis my universe revolves around.”

               “Good answer, Sam Winchester.” She murmurs.

               “I told you I was smart.”

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Christmas Episodes!

Merry Christmas Eve Everybody! We’ve reached the end of my christmas reivews and what not on this blog. 

But as a wise barrel chested canadian man once said, I fucking love christmas, So if i’m finishing up the holiday on my blog I want to go big and stay home. So in honor of the holiday, my memories of it and just how GREAT it makes me feel i’m counting down my top 12 christmas specials! After last year’s worst of list I really wanted to do the oppsiite.. but it was naturally a lot harder. Shows usually put a LOT of effort into their christmas outings, even the ones who do so once a year, so the good FAR FAR OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. To show the contrast I could only find like.. 8 I was comfortable with putting on the worst list and even some of them aren’t that bad just not good. With the best of list? I had over 60 considered and even once I started narrowing down.. it was still around 30 or 40 REALLY GOOD specials I had to work down into this list. It took a lot of work and up to the last one it was really HARD to cut it down this far. But this is the best of the best of the best of the best of the.. you get the bit. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover and this review was already supposed to come out on christmas eve, so, since I won’t be able to use this for another year...

Er. Top 12 Christmas Specials.

12. Merry Christmas Johnny Rose (Schitt’s Creek) So I finally watched all of Schitt’s Creek this year.. and i’m kicking myself for not powering through it’s terrible starting decent ending first season earlier because the show is easly one of the best comedies of the last decade and rightly earned it’s emmy sweep this year. Heartfelt, hilarious, and starring some of the best names old and new in comedy, the show is really great and I recommend checking it out.. just again be aware the first few episodes are not very good and if it wasn’t vital to the rest of the show story wise, i’d just recommend skippping season 1. While the characters minus patriach Johnny are insuferable at first... it’s their growing from self absorbed assholes to still self abosrbed but really good and decent people that is the beating heart of the show. And no where more is this heart on the show’s sleve than at christmas time as this episode is baked in just how far our cast have come.

The episode centers on Johnny Rose, played by Eugene Freaking Levy who co created the show with his equally talented son Dan who desrves the lion’s share of the credit for the show’s upturn in quality. Since the Roses used to have big lavish christmas parties once a year, Johnny decides to throw the equilvent of what they can do on a budget at the Motel they all live in. But his family all has other plans with daughter Alexis, now happily with Ted again, meeting his friends for the first time, son David, played by Dan Levy, busy at his store with his partner, in both senses, patrick and his wife Moira having a performance with her acapella group. At first it just comes off as something typical of johnny: Something well meaning and what not but ultimatley just not something his family is into or that he planend well for.

It’s only when Johnny finds himself alone at the local diner with Moira coming to see him we find out why he’s REALLY doing this: the old lavish parties, which we see one of at the start.. ultimately ended up with him alone, sad and everyone off to their own corners. WIth the family having actually come together over the past 4 seasons, Johny simply wanted to celebrate that and says such in one of the best moments in the entire show and with one hell of a line.

"I just thought, in spite of all the hardship, we found ourselves coming together, the kids, you and me, as a family. And it just seemed like the perfect day to celebrate that. The perfect day for a Rose Family Christmas Party." But Moira has already taken care of it and thus takes JOhnny home to find all their friends and the rest of the family gathered, wtih the Jazzagals serandading eveyrone with a beautiful rendition of silent night. It’s just a warm, well done character piece that really fits the holiday while also really cementing what the show had become: a show not afraid to make dirty jokes or humilatie it’s cast but one that has a true sweetness to it. It’s only that the first half’s jokes don’t quite pop all that well and feel a bit at johnny’s expense that holds it back. Otherwise this is one i’ll be coming back to every year.

11. Father of the Bob (Bob’s Burgers) Bob’s Burgers is a damn great show i’m season’s behind on. Warm, charming, weird and with an expansive side cast played by a whos who of whose in comedy today. It’s a damn fine show and i’m happy it seems to have manatained it’s quality long after the simpsons and family guy lost theirs. And the show really loves christmas.. and halloween.. and valentine’s day.. and thanksgiving. Oh god does it love thanksgiving. Point is, the shows good at holiday episodes and loves doin em and has produced some stellar ones and I had a lot to pick from here.. but I ended up going with my gut and my personal faviorite. It’s not the most christmasy despite the trappings, but the character work is just too good to leave it out in the cold.  It’s Christmas Eve and the Belcher’s are visiting Bob’s Dad. As you can tell by the fact the most we’ve seen of him is a picture of his restraunt, big bob’s diner in the belcher’s living room and a flashback where he told bob to work instead of play as a kid that set off an episode’s plot, they don’t have the best relationship. Bob has a firm rule about not spending more than 15 minutes with his dad, as that’s the point they run out of things to talk about and his dad starts getting overcrytical and making jabs at bob’s life and restraunt. Linda, being Linda, decides to meddle and when she finds out Big Bob’s short order cook is missing, has our Bob fill in.  But as we see in flash backs it’s not THAT easy to repair things, as there’s a long, bitter history between the two: When a youngbob made his first unique burger and served it to a customer, his dad threw it out without even letting anyone taste it. He then offered bob a partnership when bob was a young man but Bob snapped at Big Bob in front of his friends and left to make burgers his own way, leading to where we are now. And honestly i’ts the perfect origin story for Bob and adds a lot of shades to his character. He’s obessed with the restraunt not just because he genuinely loves cooking but because it’s HIS. His place, to create creative burgers, his family and his regulars. It’s his corner of the sky. It makes the restraunt’s existance and surivvial that much more heartwarming to know the meaning behind it.

Naturally things end up blowing up with Bob pointedly serving the burger to make a point and Big bob walking out angrily and sadly. It takes bob’s gift from the kids, who had their own neat subplot of making gifts for bob in the basement, a snowglobe wrapped in newspaper.. to find out hsi dad kept the newspaper with the review of his first restraunt and kept ALL reviews of Bob’s Burgers. Despite being a stone faced critical ass on the outside, Big BOb STILl cared.. and bob relizes he needs to make amends and actually make an effort instead of just avoiding his dad or gettin gback at him. And through the power of gay club next door line dancing, and nick offerman whose a wonderful guest star here, the two reconcile with Bob admitting he shouldn’t of humilatied his dad even if he had to go his own way, and Big Bob admitting he’s hard to work with, the loss of his wife hit him hard, and he was a bit too much. The two hug, and it’s genuinely just a good, well done story of father and son that somehow gives even more dimension to Bob, an already pretty damn fleshed out character. Just a really great episode whose holiday timing makes it better.. though not being AS much a holiday episode as a really good bob’s burgers that’s enhanced by it is why this one’s so low. Next!

10. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (MST3K) I”m honestly surpised i’ts taken me THIS long to get to something MST3K related. I’ve loved the show since high school, first exposed to it thanks to a dvd from the library and continuing from there to present day. I love the show’s combination of riff’s on perfectly cheesy movie and fun skits with really good puppets especially for the budget. It’s just good comfort food in show form and no where is comfort food more welcome than christmas, and each era of MST3K, so far hopefully the show will come back again eventually, has had i’ts own damn good christmas special, with this being my faviorite out of the three. 

The other two are good: ironically I have a poster for the santa claus over my computer, or rather crow and tom as santa and pitch aka satan respectively. Yes really, that’s the premise. IT is as awesome and batshit insane as it sounds. Point is I like that one and year without a santa claus, this one just has more personal warmth to me. I jus tlove the holiday feeling of joel and the bots readying for christmas in the host segments. It just feels like christmas and it’s wonderful to see the bots act like kids.  That being said.. it’s still also fucking hilaroius, with the mad’s hilariously petty wish squisher, a device that turns good gifts into socks and other unwanted presents, the best Crow T Robot quote of all time as he gives joel his santa wish

And of course, one of the best and most patently insane christmas songs ever: Have Yourself a Patrick Swayze christmas, which has become oddly sweet after his death and got me to watch road house for the first time last year... and it’s as awesome and wonderfully rediclous as this song inspiried by it and even better once you get the refrences

But while the host segments are what push this film into the list, the movie is still a delightful bit of 60′s cheese as, to restore their children to being children, a couple of martians kidnap santa to bring christmas to mars. Fights iwth robots, an asshole martian and an obnoxious sidekick named droppo, yes really, insue. IT’s just some fun cheese for the holiday and a staple of my holidays. 

9. The Three Wise Men (Letterkenny)  It’s no secret Letterkenny has quickly become one of my faviorite shows. After watching it last January, it’s become part of my being and one of my go too feel good shows, a funny as hell, uniquely weird slice of life show set in rural canada. While like it’s fellow recent legend of canadian television Schitt’s creek it’s first season CAN be a bit rough.. but it’s not as rough and getting through it is worht it as the show immiedatly picked up and became one of the funniest things to ever exist. It’s also uniquely tied to christmas as every year a season of the show has dropped on that day on it’s home streamer Crave TV in canada, and on boxing day here in the us. So it’s only fitting the show also has a REALLY great christmas special. 

It’s Christmas eve and our heroes the hicks, are having a christmas party. For the uniniated the hick’s aren’t really all that “hick” ish just hardworking farmers who still accept everybody and work damn hard. Leading man, terse talker and certified badass Wayne is suprisingly really into christmas, as he spent pretty much every holiday spouting out inacuracies about it but this day? He genuienly enjoys, even insiting on awful holiday drinks only and a midnight toast, the titular three wiseman (Canadian, irish and American Whiskeys, one shot of each). “It’s tradition”.  And thanks to tradition we get the main gag of the episode: most of the episode is wayne calling in various members of the town, most of whom he dosen’t like very much and some who deeply annoy him, to give them presents. And  while i’ve admitted to being a guy who dosen’t like a plot that basically repeats itslef.. it works here.. mostly because while the setup is the same, each member provides something new and hilarious: while it starts innocently enough with Bonnie Mcmurray, local fanservice, nice lady and fangirl of wayne, getting a camera and offering to be an elf, an offer wayne is forced to take up, it soon becomes a parade of weirdness and bullshit Wayne really dosen’t want to put up with and that really makes me laugh hard: Local loveable sex maniac and bar owner Gail goes on for a good minute about her sexual antics with Wayne’s beloved departed uncle eddie after Wayne gives him a picture of the guy, Glenn, another of wayn’es unwanted admirers and local pastor, obsesses over a christmas themed digeredoo, local druggies and emos the skids intitally refuse to open their gift out of prinicpal until wayne simply asks “What if theres drugs in it” (It’s insted vitamin d), the local hockey coach sings a hilarious and gloriously cringe song about having sex with his wife when they were alive and the hockey players make wayne uncomfortable both by crying a bit. Also tanis gets an apron. 

But even if the reactions horrify or piss off our hero into needing his elf’s help, the heart is in the fact that despite hating most of these people, he still got them a gift and one that’s hearfelt and well meaning. And naturally the sweetest is saved for his family of choice with the hicks: Squirrely Dan gets a pencil case for his oft talked about women’s studies class, Dary gets some clonge since he wears his barn clothes everywhere, and Katy gets an obscure korean christmas movie since her subplot that episode had been spent trying to get a christmas movie going, only for everyone to pick it apart: from the racisim of santa and co towards rudolph to pointing out how profoundly fucked up the premise of the santa claus is (including the fact various serial killers could’ve gotten the suit), which I agree with, it’s just a sweet gesture that shows how well he knows his friend. Overall it’s just a fun hangout of an episode that feels like a real christmas party and in these troubling times we could all use that. Now let’s all have a spit.

8. The Feast of Alvis (Sealab 2021) Another Christmas staple for me.. and a gloriously strange one at that. This time we’re checking under the sea with Sealab 2021, one of the earliest adult swim shows and the blueprint for the abriged series format, it took a dry hannah barbara show about an underwater research station and remixed it into the antics of a bunch of idiots and lunatatics throughuly unequipped for the task. Except Dr. Quinn, the only sane person aboard.. most of the time. It was comedy gold courtsey of Adam Reed, creator of the later Frisky Dingo, a throughly underated show, and Archer, which is like Frisky Dingo but refined into it’s truest and most sucessful form. It was magical and just talking about it makes me want to talk about it again at some point, probably in a best of list.  So naturally this madcap energy was perfect for the holidays. Originally the crew planned to use ACTUAL religions for this, but were forced by network to change it.. which ended up being one of those cases where the network ended up actually making the right call as the creators instead created thinly veiled substute for the various religions... and centered it around Alavanism, which is christianity.. but if christ was instead born in the us at some point, and instead of being a pacifist, was a drunken beligernt gun loving redneck who shot a guy in the face, has “vengance is mine” as one of his quotes (from said face shooting) and still had pomp and circumstance as part of his holiday.  Helping this though is our Alvian for the evening is Captain Murphy, the series best character and often the center of it’s best moments, played by the wonderful and sadly late Harry Goz, a half crazed half chidlish cloud cuckoolander who often comes off like a demanding child in an old man’s body. So naturally this holiday is for him and even more naturally he’s holding a massive alvis day cermeony that’s as batshit as he and his religion are in the main deck: he’s got buffalo, a buffet that’s deeply unsanitary, and a hallogen light mimickign the alvistide star that he wants to plop a baby under.  Naturally no one else is happy about this. Well Stormy, local hilarious dumbass, is as the only other alvian on board for this, and a general sucker for dumb shenanigans but he’s so plastared he’s even less coherent than usual and can mostly muster the desire to kick something’s ass or a weak “shut up” Most of all Quinn and his girlfriend debbie, who point out religious tolerance is a part of the sealab charter and that this kind of grotesuqe celebration really isn’t in season. I’ts also a nice dig at “War on Christmas Assholes”, long before that was as big a problem with Muprhy very much being the asshole and his cleebration rapidly crumbling. He also attempts to fire Sparks for being a wiccan stand in so yeah he deserves it. It’s all capped in Muprhy getting visted by a drunken halucination of his lord. All in all easily one of the best and most insane christmas specials ever put to film. If you have HBO Max watch it today or tommorow you will NOT regret it. 

7. Arnold’s Christmas (Hey Arnold)  A classic of my childhood, Hey Arnold is one of the best animated shows period. It’s something i’m not shy about saying, I bleivie I said it in my thanksgiving list and i’ll say it quite a bit. It’s not PERFECT, it has it’s flaws.. but it’s still damn good and the golden standard for slice of life shows. 

This episode naturally is one of it’s best and, while I didn’t catch as a kid the signifigance or what this was about, touches on of all things the vietnam war and the children who were helicoptered out. In a heart destroying story, Mr. Winn, one of Arnold’s boardinghousemates, reveals he has a daughter he has no idea where she is as to give her a better life, he made sure she got on one of those helicopters as an infant. While he was able to immigrate later, he never found her. Arnold being our own personal jesus, refuses to let this stand and goes out of his way to figure it out and goes on a quest that seemingly ends in failure. It falls on Helga to save the day as Helga actually gets what she wanted from her parents, a pair of nice boots, and gets the rare moment where they actually acknoledge her.. but loving arnold and seeing the noblility in his quest.. she gives it up. Just to make someone elses’ dream come true. He may never know who did it and tha’ts okay. An utterly heartwarming and heartbreaking episode. Nuff said. 

6. Santa Claus is Comin To Town  Speaking of classics this is how you do a santa origin story. Not the first or last i’d see, and we’ll get to one of those in a moment. While i’m not a huge fan of Rankin Bass’ other big hit with Rudolph, this one really hits the spot for me and is only this low because it’s pacing is really slow at points. Otherwise this special is near flawless, looks good and holds up today.  As I said this is a good Year One for santa establishing how he became immortal, how he met the elves, he was raised by them, how he started giving out toys, how he met mrs claus you know all the stuff you’d ask about.  To me what really sells it the best though is Mickey Rooney as Santa. While I had no idea who played him till literally writing this article in my mind his earnesness, kindness and genuine nature just.. fit the old elf to me even as a young man and everything from his humble beginings to his wanting to help children just out of kindness to his teaching an old man to dance to his romance just feels.. genuine and warm like christmas should. It just makes me feel good and like others on this list.. FEELS like christmas if that makes any sense. Not a lot else to say. Burger Meister Meisterburger isn’t the best vilian, but it was the early 70′s and we weren’t quite to diamond levels of complex interesting villians just yet so fair enough. Baiscally I don’t have a TON to say about this special in short, I may review it next year, we’ll see, but  it’s really good, really fun and sometimes simple just works I guess? Speaking of stop motion..

5. Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas (Community) I love a good sitcom. I haven’t shared that love enough on here, I should try and change that at some point, but I do, as a fourth of this list should make crystal clear. So while sadly some of my faviorites like Brooklyn Nine Nine, Parks and Rec and Roseanne didn’t make the cut, Community thankfully did. Community is a show that’s really damn good and had THREE awesome Christmas episodes. All three, all winners and all in contention for some time. Regional Holiday music just barely didn’t make the cut. But ultimately I went with the best of the best, the most creative, most character driven, and most intresting. And the one that in Community’s traditional style, decided to take a spin on an old genre.  In this case Abed, the study groups resident pop culture junkie, guy who thinks in tropes and future Huey Duck, is seeing everything in stop motion and may get thrown out of school as a result. With his friends deeply worried, they turn to Greendale’s local psychologist and british areshole Professor Duncan, played by my spirtual father John Oliver. ALL HAIL THIS MAN

Duncan takes the two into Abed’s fantasy and thus into a rankin bass special where Abed slowly weeds out his friends and tries to get rid of Duncan, whose naturally only intrested in proving a case. It’s a fun, chaotic ride including christmas pterodactyls, and the cast all in bizzare forms based on what Abed thinks of htem. it’s really damn creative and beauitfully animated at that.  Naturally like most of these what clinches it is the heart and soul. We find out towards the end WHy this happened: Abed’s mom is spending christmas with her new family instead of him and it’s broken him to not be able to watch specials like they do> Thus the group rally behind their friend, beat duncan in a wonderful christmas number and watch specials with their buddy, as the weird ass family some of whom have or will make out, they are. 

4. A Charlie Brown Christmas With my love of comic strips and sentiment, it should suprise absolutely no one this is on here. I love peanuts and have only grown to love it more over hte years for it’s mealancholy, finely constructed cast and weird bits people forget about like Snoopy’s disco phase, that really damn good arc where his house burned down, his brother stealing his fiance only to have her stolen from him, the fact Lucy threw Linus out once, that peppermint patty was once held back a grade and her snores took her place at her desk, the fact there was a character named 5, Charlie Brown and Linus’ friend roy who introduced peppermint patty to the cast, the fact a character named crybaby boobie exists, the fact there are specials devoted to a pastiche of call of the wild, a friend of linus’ getting cancer, and Flashbeagle. Just flashbeagle. 

It is glorious. And I really need to add that to my review queue.. maybe for late january. Seriously, tis glorious. And I OWN this one. So yeah. What were we talking about? Oh yes the special that made all the specials, especially flashbeagle, possible: A Charlie Brown Christmas This one has always been part of my life, but even beyond it’s signifigance to me, having grown up with it and grafted it to my soul, it’s just .. good. It has some good commentary on the consumrisim of the holiday with Charlie Brown rightly a bit upset about it and ending up roped into directing a christmas play. Great gags, and charlie brown trying to stick up for a scragly tree no one enlse likes insue. Oh and scripture as this is probably the only overtly religious special on the list. Not that ther’es anything wrong with not being religious and celebrating christmas: i’m not anymore but I still do and while I respect people who celebrate the holiday int he spirit of christ I have none for people who bash anyone who dosen’t just see it religiously and whose over zealous about it. Your just as bad as war on christmas people and you should feel bad.  But yeah overal it’s just an inconic special whose clunkyness in production and audio just adds some charm to it. It shows it’s age.. but only in the animation and production values, which is just.. charming. It’s message is timeless, it’s characterization is perfect as you’d expect from peanuts in it’s prime, and i’ts ending is truly heartmelting. If you’ve never seen this one.. just go do that. I can wait. 

3. How Santa Stole Christmas! (Ducktales)  I”ll be brief on this one as, since it only aired a few weeks ago, i’ve already done a full review on it. But I will justify why such a recent special is this high up: because it’s just that good. It may of JUST been aired, but it’s as good as anything else here and age dosen’t matter. Quality does. There will likely be future specials worth this list i’m sure but for this moment in time this one earns it. It has Santa perfectly charactrized and tells an utterly heartrending story of friendship that ends up ending simply because the two are moving in opposite directions and of Scrooge learning the meaning of christmas. Not thorugh the ghosts, they already brilliantly messed with that one. It’s just really fantastic, gets the christmas spriit perfectly and uses the characters just as flawlessly. I will defintely be watching this one every year. Just a warm, creative, funny as hell special. 

2. Comfort and Joy (Justice League) Speaking of reviews I held off reviews of my final two so I could save more thoughts here. I probably still will review them eventually, especially this one, I just felt i’d be repeating myself or have to be brief like the last one. But yeah this one slaps. The Justice League cartoon is easily one of the best superhero cartoons, if not superhero properties, period. Taking the base already built in from the previous three dcau cartoons, this one builds out the world and expands it , and introduced a young me to my lifelong loves of Martian Manhunter, The Flash and especailly the green lanterns with John Stewarts badass reciting of the oath easily etched in my brain. The only reason he isn’t my faviorite lantern is because mogo exists.. aka the lantern that is a living planet. 

You can see why. But yeah Jon stuck in my mind. So it’s probably no suprise that the christmas special heavily featuring all three. It’s Christmas Time and after the league stops it’s usual disaster, they head off for their usual holiday activities. Batman and Wonder Woman are missing, but it’s fine. While I love both, especailly DCAU Batman, the episode is probably better off not trying to shove them in there just for the sake of it. One of the show’s greatest strength’s was character ballance, not forcing EVERY member of the big 7 into every episode and just using whose needed and shuffling them in and out FAR BETTER than say, Ducktales. Point is this, much like being loved by anyone, was not unusual and it makes the episode tighter. Even more so since this is the ONLY half hour episode in the first two seasons, the rest are basically hour long episodes split into two parters, though still paced for being two episodes so it’s good.. and three movie length three parters for the premire, and the season finales. Fun Fact: As a kid I missed starcrossed and thus had to find out second hand, and barely at that, why hawkgirl was gone at the start of unlimited. I still have not seen it. I will correct this eventually. It was a diffrent time. 

So yeah this episode not only has a main character cast of 6, with 3 other major supporting characters, but is handily split into three amazing plot lines. The first has Green Lantern try to teach Hawkgirl how to have christmas fun by playing on a snowy world, while Hawkgirl takes him to a bar to show how she celebrates.. i.e. getting hammered and starting a fight. Nanananana, she’s gonna start a fight. It’s a fun really sweet segment, and some nice ship tease between the two.  The other two though are what make this special.. not that the first one is bad these two are just really inspiried for the characters involved: For the Flash, who in this series is both Wally and a bit of a smug quipster.. we see beneath the ego and flirting he’s really a sweet, caring guy and spends his christmas finding a toy for the orphans in this case a rapping duck. 

Not QUITE as embarassing btu close. He runs into the Ultra Humanite whose destroying the toys because he hates the comercialism and how it dumbs things down for the kids. Have I mentioned that I love the Ultra Humanite? Because I do.. the animated version. The comics version is REALLY fucking creepy but this version? He’s fucking great, an intellectual whose a formidable threat.. and honestly sympathetic. His motive here, while misguided, is well meaning and his price for selling out the injustice gang and going back to jail quitely? one of the best gags in human history. Getting PBS to say “This program was supported by viewers like you.. and the ultra humanite” He’s just awesome and i’ts a shame he never returned for unlimited. His comic version, while not BAD is just.. not NEARLY as intresting or deep and I wish the comics would have him take after this version.  And that depth shows as once he learns what was going on, he willingly helps flash and simply reprograms the duck to recite the nutcracker. It’s a really nice gesture, that flash returns by giving his foe a christmas tree. Really good stuff.  And I saved the best for last. Heading home for the holidays, Clark takes Jonn with him since otherwise he’d be stuck at the watchtower and batman was apparnetly “Begging” for duty. Granted one wonders what his surrogate dad and adopted sons think but odds are alfred would just drag them up there anyway no mater how much Dick protested. And of course Alfred has watchtower clearance, he’s alfred: he’s the only one besides Diana looking out for bruce.. and no I don’t buy the bullshit from the batman beyond comics that never happened. And Clark too, this is true... but it takes a village to get bruce to go the fuck to sleep and most of that villiage is alfred. And if your wondering “wait won’t he be in danger”... the only thing that can kill this man is apparently bane. He’s survivied earthquakes, poisonings, turning into a supervillian via radaition induced crazies, yes really, apparently dying leading to the supervillian thing, being stabbed, being shot at, having to help raise damien... my point is the guy’s been through a lot in comics, I doubt the dcau version is any less resilent and god damn I miss this old man. Salute alfred, salute.  Where was I oh yeah, Clark insists on taking John home. And it’s stuff like this why I freaking love superman. Many dismiss him as corny, unrelaistic or boring.. all untrue. Sure he’s a boyscout, but he’s meant ot resprsent the best in mankind, what we can truly be powers or no, what we can achieve and the kind of moral, kind person we can be. He’s an inspiration for us all. And this kind of act is what shows that: his response to one of his friends having nowhere to go on christmas and not having been around the holiday? Take him to his house to share in the warmth and love.  And Clark’s parents here show WHY he’s the hero he is and why I freaking love them in all flavors.. except Zack Snyder flavor and even then tha’ts only for Pa “Letting people die is the right thing to do now i’m going to throw myself into a tornado to prove that” kent. But it’s christmas so i’m not here to bitch about zack snyder and if you want that in full, you can pay for it.  My point is they show, as they should how he became the moral paragon he is: they meet a man from mars, who they’ve never met and their son just invited.. and welcmoe him without a thought. While this isnt’ their first alien obviously, and they say so, it’s still really sweet they just warmly welcome the man in and give him their surrogate daughter/their sons’ biological cousin’s room while sh’es away. Oh Kara’s away conveniently skiing with barbra. Also she lives with them in this continuity. Also maybe that’s where dick is. I dunno, but I hope so. Dickbabs for life.. depending on the continuity. I”m still dick and star for life in the titans cartoon.  Point is we get nice of sweet, and hilaroius, holiday stuff: Jonn is suprised to see this side of clark: while he’s always warm and inviting as Clark.. he can also be relaxed, enjoy the holiday and get real spirited. For one day he dosen’t have to be superman. He can just be clark. Evne superman can take a day off.. and he’s superman, he desrves one. Let Bruce and Diana take care of it after they finish marathon sex and Diana finshes with Cheetaah and Maxwell lord.  But yeah as I was saying hilarious as we find out clark used to peak and they had to, and still do, line it with lead foil to make sure he can’t peak, and Martha gives John a sweater, saying his company is all they need for a gift and when it’s a bit big he charmingly grows into it. Jonn also walks among the humans a bit and we get a great little bit of him sneaking down a chimney after hearing the thorughts of a girl whose worried santa isn’t real. It’s just all great stuff that cumilates in Jonn joyfully singing a song in his native tounge while stroking Kara’s cat Streaky.. who sadly does not have a cape or super powers in this universe. Yet. Just a really good superhero story, a damn fine christmas story and one of the best episodes of a stellar show that thankfully is still remembered in this new age of heroes. 

1. It’s Christmas You Dorks (Harvey Beaks) Yup not probably a lot of people’s first choice but fuck it. I’ve loved this one since i saw it a few years ago shorlty after the series ended, having grown far behind and caught up just as it was ending... and regretted it as Harvey Beaks is easily one of my faviorite shows from the wall to wall hit parade that was the 2010′s. It’s charming, hilaroius, heartfelt, and creative.. and really weird if not as weird as CH Greenblaht’s previous show chowder.. but still weird enough.Thankfully Big City Greens is carying the banner for this kind of show, as is Craig of the Creek, so the kind of gentle, slice of life stuff hasn’t gone away, but this show was still it’s own thing and i’m sad it’s gone.  But while it was here it was spectacular and this is one of the best of em if not the best. And naturally for a show like this it has a neat approach: The episode is dialouge free, only having some singing in the last act and that’s diagetic, the characters singing a christmas song. We’ll get to that. This isn’t the FIRST silent christmas special i’ve seen, Courage the Cowardly dog did it’s own take on the nutcracker, but it’s still the best. And given Courage the Cowardly Dog is one of my faviorite shows, that’s high praise. Each segment is charming, unique, and well done. 

As for what each are: The wraparound is a gorgeously animated bit of stop motion or something like it where the spirit of winter goes around and turns fall to winter or helps the kid with winter fun. It’s a bunch of really adorable stuff. The first proper one is the kids having a snowball fight when a bunch of asshole adults interupt, and hte kids end up getting even by hiding in some snowmen. Again just some really fun, really well done stuff.  But the first one that really makes it follows Technobear, local wannabe ladies man in training who has a crush on Harvey’s mom and fantasies about giving her some lovely read shoes and skating with her. His hopes are dashed when instead her daughter michelle, the horrifing baby child pictured above, takes them instead. But not only is it heartwarming to see the stone faced future rule of the world crack a smile, Techno instnatly realizes whats’ improtant and takes the bby ice skating.  The next segment is just some goofy googus with the squirrels, the local crooks who are also squirreels, but it’s still pretty good. We then get Jeremy trying to be santa which is both funny but genuinely heartwarming and finally the best bit as Dade, local killjoy, gets annoyed at everyone singing a popular new christmas song instead of the old standard he likes and being a dick about it before softening a bit when Harvey genuinely offers him camradere. It’s just.. good stuff that’s hard to put into words, and given putting it into words is my thing, it really speaks to just hwo good this special is. it just, makes me feel nice, and really gets the spirit of the holiday in all it’s forms. It’s gorgeously aniamted, well paced, and never stops being entertaining and that’s why it’s both my faviorite and why every year.. i’ll be coming back to little bark. And if nothing else.. it’ll keep this warm, great show alive in my heart.  So with that I end this list. If you didn’t like it tha’ts fine, this is my opinon. But I wanted to share my faviorites with you and hope you’ll check them out this or next chirstmas. Until we meet again... Merry Christmas to all,and to all a good night. 

[cookinguptales]

As an addendum to that last post, my parents are pretty okay, but while I was growing up, they were trying to unlearn a lot of that stuff themselves. They grew up in an environment even more batshit insane than mine. Honestly, sometimes they still say things that absolutely take my breath away when it comes to being judgmental over sex and sexuality, but they definitely try hard, especially my mom. My life would be much more difficult if they were like the rest of our family. I don’t want to make it seem like everyone was completely awful, even though my parents were definitely uh. Not always supportive or progressive in their statements while I was younger.

Their parents, though, jesus christ. And all my aunts and uncles... Most of my cousins... 

(cut for some uh. some shit.)

Like the family’s largely from, like, Virginia/Carolinas/Tennessee/Maryland, I grew up in rural Ohio, North Carolina, and then lower central Florida (which is very old and conservative)... They’re very conservative areas. I honestly don’t think I even met an openly queer person until I was in like 8th grade, when I started going to an art school and started meeting the “artsier” people. No one talked about it when I was little, except for vaguely disparaging terms I didn’t understand. The best you’d get is basically, like, “well, people shouldn’t hurt them, but why do they have to be so loud about their weird relationships and their ‘rights’, isn’t not being attacked enough?” And the worst was uh. A lot worse.

(My grandfather was a comic book artist who went viral online because he was so fucking homophobic. It’s bad when he makes my grandmother look mild by comparison -- like, this is the lady who boycotted Disney because they hire gay people.)

Growing up where I did, it’s not like... It’s not like oh, everyone’s talking about how all gays should die 24/7. It’s just this ever-present background hum of religion and disparaging of “liberal political correctness” and talking about queer people in hushed tones like their existence is a dirty word. It’s being told that they’re very progressive compared to the rest of their congregation! They love the sinner, but hate the sin! They just keep going to all the gay people they know and telling them they should be asexual or try conversion therapy because they love them and it’d be such a shame if they rotted in Hell for eternity. It’s not like they want gay people dead like their friends do. They’re so progressive.

It’s just this absolutely oppressive knowledge in the back of your head. And the worst part is that for so much of my life, I believed them. When you grow up in an environment with fairly limited internet and media intake and everyone has very similar political beliefs, well. They tell you something is true and you believe them. I didn’t get my own laptop until I was about 18 years old. I wasn’t allowed to use my parents’ computer without extensive blocks until I was like 13 or 14, and even then, it’s not like I knew what to search for. My science teacher taught us to be critical of climate change research, for god’s sake. So I believed them.

Funny story. You know how I collect tarot decks now, right? lmao I was taught to be so scared of them when I was a kid. Not just by the uber religious ones, either! Even the moderate ones! Straight-up “this is witchcraft, you’re playing with dangerous forces, you’re letting Satan in”, etc. My first semester of college, my roommate pulled out her tarot deck to play with her friends and I LEFT THE ROOM. Like this was a thing. And then I kind of accidentally fell into all the religion and witchcraft classes and the rest is history. (I’d been interested in ancient religions before then, and also historical magic, and my parents were kind of :/ about that sometimes. Myths were fine as long as I knew they were False Stories, but the occult stuff, hmmm. They were a lot more :/ when I came home like Hard Agnostic lmao. They let me keep doing it, though, bless them.)

College was great because I finally got alternative history and politics and I learned how much bullshit I’d been taught, but I mean. It’s not like it was perfect. Before my classes even started, I tried to make friends with some lesbians who were already active in our school’s LGBT house and they were talking the usual biphobic shit. You know, you can’t trust them, they’ll cheat on you, they’re only interested in men, they only experiment in college and then marry the nearest dick, etc. So I guess. That was kind of a wake-up call. I always assumed that as soon as I got away from my family and Florida, everything would be fine and I could find a group where everyone would accept me. Easier said than done, I guess. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that all the letters of whatever word salad we’re using today all shit on each other all the time. And that’s exhausting.

Anyway, I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again. The hardest part about growing up religious is even figuring out what to ask about once you get out. Once you realize that you’ve been lied to, like... What else was a lie? How deep does this go? What should I even be questioning? This natural history thing was wrong, what about this other thing? Was this historical fact a lie? Holy shit, there was an entire civil rights movement for PWD? Like how do you even google Stonewall if you’ve never heard the name?

idk. I mostly started this post bc I realized I made it sound like my entire family was All Homophobia And Sexphobia All The Time, but like. I guess it was (and still is) like that with my extended family, but it wasn’t always like that with my parents. Don’t get me wrong, they were super clear that they did not want me to be gay and they didn’t believe gay people deserved the same rights as straight people, but they also told me that I didn’t have to be as freaked out about sex as my grandmother. (They told me that I should enjoy sex -- but only after I was married! To a man! I’d dated a long time! To have any other sex is to devalue it and disrespect myself and I’d get divorced and probably die in a ditch or something. Of AIDS. The fun is a pleasant side effect of making babies, okay?? So in other words, they were like 1000% better than my grandmother!!!) I think dad had a gay friend when I was little, but he never talked about her to me until I was an adult. So again. 1000% better than my grandmother.

They’ve uh. They’ve improved. They don’t tell me that I need to beware of bisexual people anymore, which is uh. Great. They are all in favor of marriage equality now. They have come around to me being queer. Mom especially is really, really trying, which I appreciate. She just grew up in a radically Christian environment (like as in she had to listen to Donny Osmond in secret bc her mom said it was devil music) and she had to do a lot of unlearning herself for her own mental health.

....seriously tho guys I have family members who like. think it’s ungodly to cut their hair and wear makeup. I GOT THOSE.