#and then my dad didn’t even notice
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tag vent
#I haven’t fucking had one good day without it being ruined#today was amazing until everything went horribly wrong#i hate it#i hate being happy now because I know my day will be ruined before it’s over#i busted my knee because no one was fucking paying to the dog that is explicitly not mine but I always have to take care of#and then my dad didn’t even notice#he just kept watcHing a fucking basketball game#then he complains about me not doing enough#i can’t do anything right#i can’t get it right#i haven’t had a good day of my life that hasn’t been catastrophically ruined#happiness is now my worst anxiety#i can’t have a good day because it’ll end horribly#it’s better to have a bad day so I don’t get my soul crushed#i saw wicked I ate at my favorite place to eat I got ice cream and I was so happy and it all got ruined
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anyway. corishtola. have you heard of that
#i’ve been playing da all week but i miss them soooo bad#even tho i logged out early last night after raid night and immediately started playing da#i think the break is making me think about them more some how so this is good#i was walking and my coworker was smiling and nodding at me and i didn’t notice bc i was thinking about cori’s mom and shtola having brunch#in the breakup au#i need a text post tag#and also cori’s mom and dad holding hands on the beach bc i am nothing if not a romantic sap at my core!!!
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What do you think jose’s favourite chemical element would be….. mine’s berilium 🤔
The safe answer would be Gold and Hydrogen because he’s a fancy sailor and all that but the right answer is Boron because he’s a Baden and a moron (affectionately)
Also berilium looks really nice, what makes you particularly drawn to it? Is it edible? 👁️ 👁️ (Asking for a friend)
#har har har my garbage humour would get me vip spot under a guillotine a few centuries back#this isn’t even a dad pun this is just painful#I definitely know my periodic table by heart#identity v#jose baden#omg I just noticed I didn’t colour the green liquid entirely my life is ruined
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anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me
#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags#like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol#since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything#they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts#and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god#then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me#so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through#like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again?#and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence#it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’#to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’#and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’#WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’#and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win???#like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao#i leave end of the month#at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened#I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!!#I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are
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made a mistake at work today and i just want to kms tbh </3
#i know making mistakes is only human but not if it’s me you know??? 😭😭😭#had to try soooooo hard to hold back my tears at work but as soon as i was in my dad’s car on the way home i started crying 😔#i wish i wasn’t so hard on myself but i feel so embarrassed humiliated and stupid#and now i feel like my colleagues hate me which probably isn’t true i’m just an emotional cry baby 😭#but i seriously feel horrible and i would love to hide from the world for at least a week 🙈#i told my team leader about my mistake and even though she was nice and understanding i was so hurt and embarrassed it was awful#and of course she noticed the tears in my eyes and i think my crush did too bc he didn’t talk to me at all after that happened#they probably think i’m so childish 😭😭😭 i’m sorry i’m such an emotional bitch with no self esteem that takes everything too personal#it’s the capricorn in me… i’m too much of a perfectionist like everyone can make mistakes EXCEPT ME#that’s what happens when you measure your self worth based on your achievements everything comes crashing down after just one mistake#i feel so foolish 😔#on a good note my crush actually remembered my birthday and congratulated me belatedly bc he was sick for a week#he actually initiated some conversations today but after that situation happened he didn’t talk to me at all anymore 💔#he probably really thinks i’m a childish baby now 🥲#i don’t take criticism well bc my mom used to (and still does tbh) berate for every single little thing#so now i think that even constructive criticism (which is obviously good and needed!!!) is aimed at me as a person & always cry 🙃#god i wish i was normal#☁️
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r/regretfulparents is my hellscape. i know most of them are just going through hard times and venting and probably don't actually regret it but like. i genuinely think motherhood would be my most awful prison. the whole sub is like the scariest horror game the internet has to offer for me.
#im just already exhausted of being a mother and i dont even have kids 😭#(i do. hes fifteen and dyslexic and ADHD and my little brother)#(yes mom i did take care of him a shit ton i am not exaggerating it)#(there is a reason he tells people i basically raised him and he asks ME for things before asking our father who is your coparent)#(there is a reason you sigh in relief when i come home from break and ask me to 'whip [my dad and brother] into shape')#(there is a reason i spent my thanksgiving day being bitched at to do everything)#(even though you have a husband!)#(and another grown adult kid!)#(who's actually older than me but hasn't lifted a finger to help the family)#(she always said she'd be like fiona gallagher if anything happened to our mom"#(NEWS FLASH. YOU WOULDN'T BE. YOU DISAPPEARED. I STAYED.)#(even before you disappeared you weren’t allowed to be a caretaker)#(you couldn’t care for him. you were banned for being violent)#(I shouldn’t have been putting someone else’s kid to bed most nights of the week)#(then when quarantine hits and my mom has the time to be a mom again)#(she gets mad at ME for being overly involved and acting out of pocket)#(girl. this is how things work around here you just didn’t notice)#(whenever I come home from school now she completely checks out)#(she makes comments about how she’s glad I’m home so she doesn’t have to make all the decisions anymore)#(because im so bossy! and then I get made fun of for being bossy! you made me like this! you want me like this!)#(I am not your partner I am your daughter)#(my dad is more of a dad and husband in recent years but it quite honestly didn’t seem like it happened until I moved out)#(because he didn’t have to step up and do that shit it was just dumped onto me)#(and no I don’t want to have a kid to be better or something. im done raising kids. im going to be better for myself)#(I know I could do a hell of a lot better. but. im. not. going. to.)#(my childhood was for them. my adulthood is for me.)#(my students will be the only kids I have and that’s for damn certain.)#mattie gets personal
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finally accepting i am a gay man rather than whatever i thought i was is explaining a lot about everything to the point it’s actually making me angry. like man. man i guess it was very fucking obvious to everyone except me huh
#ftm#trans guy#trans gay man#like OHHH that wasn’t a weird mix of hatred and excitement#it was literally desire#i just process every strong emotion i have as anger#and i wasn’t a butch lesbian#i just felt most like a man when i could be the more masculine partner#even if i couldn’t pass for a cis man#which made me not even want to try#and then obviously i’d not want to be GAY as a man on top of that because then i might STILL be the feminine partner#and idk i just was less affected by lesbophobia because lesbians tend to be mocked by portraying them as manly#which obviously i didn’t mind#but the internalized homophobia ON TOP of the internalized transphobia is too much for me#im a coward and i like living in the comfort of ignoring my problems#despite all that i feel happier than i have ever been though#it’s like i finally slipped into my own skin#just wish gay transmascs would talk about the denial and shame more because then i might’ve realized sooner#but online algorithms kept feeding me only lesbians doing so#and i kept liking it because i was like#‘i relate to SOMETHING in what you’re saying but im not so sure what it is’#because i’m blind#actually come to think of it i might not have noticed if trans men spoke of this more often#because i would have covered my ears#anyway#whatever i guess i figured it out now#if only transition weren’t so expensive#at least i look like my dad already anyway
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just had the worst time at graduation dinner w my family and my roommate’s family :/
#nothing to do w my roommate and her family rly like they were lovely#but like#this is the first time our families are meeting after us having been friends for all of uni#bc we’re both from out of state#and like#i know my parents esp my dad can sometimes be a bit tactless during social situations#which like fine fair enough i get it it be like that sometimes#and ik it’s not on purpose or w any ill will#but like so i kinda gave them a heads up beforehand like hey just so u kno#rmr not to do/say xyz#anyways in short#they committed enough social etiquette faux pas and one huge one that just left me feeling so embarrassed#and like what’s worse is i was already worried smth like this would happen which is why i gave them a heads up and reminder#and yet while it was in the midst of happening they didn’t listen to my hints to like Fucking Stop and kept going making it worse#and like my roommate’s parents were very gracious and acted like nothing happened but i know they noticed#and it all just left me feeling so embarrassed and sad that this is what came out of a dinner between our two families#who are finally meeting after 5 years#and like afterwards my parents realized they were wrong and apologized to me#for doing all that and not listening to me#but it just sucks so bad it even happened#it was so frustrating#like my younger brother put it#it was like i was watching all my anxieties abt what could go wrong unfold in front of me#and go wrong in even worse ways than i anticipated#and it all could’ve been prevented if they listened to me#很丟臉很沒有場面：/#it’s 1:15am and i need to sleep#bc i need to be up at 7:45 to get ready for the actual ceremony tmr morning#gn 晚安 and ty for reading my vent <3#ennuitxt
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probably the funniest thing about me that ppl online don’t know about me is that i conduct when i’m nervous. i’m damn near always listening to music when i’m in public to block out other sounds so if you see my right hand moving oddly but in a pattern. yeah. im conducting something you can’t hear
#i didn’t really notice this abt myself until i caught someone staring at me bc of it#i don’t hum under my breath and i don’t sing along to stuff bc i would get in trouble for it as a kid#(unless i was with my bio dad bc he liked the sound of my voice and would even ask me to sing sometimes)#but with my mom and stepdad? i was repeatedly told that it wasn’t a good thing to hum or to sing in the shower or the car#not even humming in my own room was allowed really#so ig i just learned to either tap out rhythms with my fingers (bc foot tapping was also a no) or conduct#michi.txt
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the sheer and raw embarrassment of becoming hyperfixated and getting Piet Piraat in your July top deezer songs
#this will probably only make sense to a select few people#belgiumposting#piet piraat#joeys doodles#digital art#comic#belgian#belgium#almost all of my top songs are pirate related and unfortunately that includes piet piraat#you haven’t known fear until you accidentally blast ‘piet piraat is verliefd’ in front of your dad and two of his friends#luckily it was just the first few seconds and they didn’t even notice#but Jesus Christ my heart stopped#wowee two dutch posts in a row
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my mum forgot about my existence and left me out in the rain (literally) earlier tonight and then she got mad at me for being upset about it? like girl what
#so i was walking home earlier (it was dark already and it was raining go figure)#and i got a call from my mum and she was like#‘where tf are you?? we ate dinner without you because you refused to leave your room when we called you!!!!’#and i was like. “mother. i’m not at home??”#and she was just like “oh really? we didn’t notice! there should be some dinner left over for you!”#LIKE WHAT??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDNT NOTICE???#I NEVER COME HOME LATE THAT SHOULVE AT LEAST RAISED SOME ALARMS????#BUT YOU DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO CALL ME UNTIL YOU DECIDED MY ABSENCE WAS INCONVENIENCING YOU????#this never would’ve happened if my dad were at home#papa come back from your stupid business trip i miss you#someone in our town died under mysterious circumstances a few weeks ago#and you didn’t think it’s a big deal that i was wandering around on my own after dark??#this isn’t the first time she’s forgotten me somewhere but it’s really getting to me rn#maybe it’s because i had a bad pain day so this is just insult to injury#anyway rant over lol
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THE RICE KRISPY CURSE HAS FINALLY ENDED IM FREE MAYBE HAPPINESS DOES EXIST
#shitpost#FUCKING FINSLLY!!!#like several months ago my dad bought a different kind of Rice Krispies#instead of the basic ones#and they sucked real bad#no one liked them but we didn’t want them to go to waste#(he got the Costco size </3)#so I have spent. the last several months steadily eating my way through shitty Rice Krispy treats#because only me and my dad will eat them and I moreso than him#and as time went on the remaining got more stale and even worse#BUT I JUST STE THE LAST ONE!! I AM FREE!!#THE CURSE IS BROKEN!!#never again will we buy those they sucked#(the chocolate drizzle chocolate and rainbow pack)#chocolate drizzle was best but still meh#rainbow sucked ASS#but honestly are this point I’m desensitized I don’t even notice anymore#im immune
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Mild rant incoming:
My dad just misgendered me multiple times in front of my brand new friend who’s only ever known me as a guy. Like I met her only a few months ago after being on T for years, so as far as she’s concerned I’m a guy, I look and sound like a dude. It’s chill. (Testosterone is fantastic 10/10 everyone should try it)
And then my dad comes in like “she this” and “her that” and he’s laughing and joking with my new friend and she looks super uncomfortable and I just want to disappear. And the worst part is I don’t even think he realised he’d done it. like it was a super brief interaction before he walked off and no one said anything about it. He’d just done it by accident. So I feel like I can’t be mad at him, like if I brought it up he’d probably be like “I hadn’t noticed I’d done that, I feel really bad about it” or whatever, and then I’d feel bad for even mentioning it. But it was devastating.
It just reminded me that it doesn’t matter if everyone who meets me reads me as male (which they do) they’ll always be some people who just think of me as “she” no matter what. I could have the most luscious beard and the deepest voice and my family will still call me “she” in front of people who I don’t want to think of me like that. It’s Inescapable.
And my family are accepting, they’re trying, as I said I’m convinced dad hadn’t even noticed he’d done it, but you can’t force people to forget who you were, you can’t force people to move on even if you have.
#I don’t know if I should bring it up? like with my friend or with my dad#like what would I even say?#’’hi new friend. you may have noticed my dad misgendering me yesterday. that was an accident. I’m sorry you had to hear it.’’?!#or ‘’btw dad. I didn’t sleep last night cos I kept replying you misgendering me in front of my friend over and over’’??#so he might say sorry but would that actually make me feel better? probably not#I can’t stress how much I Don’t Look Like A Girl. everyone at work thinks I’m a man#which is also awkward cos I’m not but I’ve rather that then the alternative#I’m mean I’m not stealth. Friend in Question knows I’m trans. but still#ugh maybe I’m just getting upset over nothing#but you know there comes a point where you think you’re past getting misgendered#and then when it happens it’s like an out of nowhere punch in the gut#sorry. I know a lot of other trans people have it much worse. it just really hurt and I needed to complain online about it
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also while i was with my brother today he was like ‘oh you should listen to judas priest. the lead singer is gay.’ and thankful for the music rec though i may be, am i really faggy enough that my very estranged brother can tell?
#i want him to know im a man so so soo much because hes the kind of man i want to be. our masculinity is very close. so yknow.#he has however slept in my room that has two trans flags in it (not my fault my dads he didnt take em down even though i told him to)#so maybe he saw that and went. ah. okay. or maybe he didn’t notice#not that he would care but well yknow how it be#anyways! lets hear it for music recs i guess#tales
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😳 so um bc of my parents I’ve actually been to multiple calls bc they are first responders and a few of them have actually been to dead bodies so I can actually answer this in a weird way but I don’t have any reaction at all. like I’ve seen things most people normally would never see like overdoses,self inflicted gun shots, car accidents, burns. I saw brain matter for the first time in like 2018(?) it’s a weird ass consistency tbh it’s also not the color you’d expect.
we still get immediately shoved out of our immersion in tv shows or films when The Girl find a dead body and immediately shrieks - we just don't find it realistic because we're pretty confident most people would gasp rather than shriek (i.e. sharp inhale rather than sharp exhale) and it also feels unnecessarily (and predictably) misogynistic too, as men encountering corpses almost never do the same on screen
also of course please do tell us if you've actually encountered a corpse unexpectedly, because tumblr is absolutely a place where some people have done this thing and we love a good anecdote
suddenly imagining "burst into song" as a potential response
#recently my parents were out of town and I happened to hear there was a call for our next door neighbors and I went to check on them bc#I know the female that lives there is pregnant and I wanted to make sure she was ok and their friend was actually dead on the couch and they#were panicking really bad so I stayed to help them/calm them and I was the one who pulled them to the side and gently told them that he was#gone and I held their baby so they could have a moment to themselves cause she was shaking really bad cause of all the emotions#I don’t know how he passed I just know that he was long gone before they even found him#so yeah in a weird way I have an answer and it’s that I really don’t have any reaction to it but it’s cause of how I grew up#also i personally think that house is cursed bc when we moved here the original couple that lived there the wife died in her sleep and the#husband didn’t notice for hours somehow. idk I just remember me and one of the cops taking their multiple kids outside so they didn’t have#to see their mom like that and then their dad have the breakdown that he had#there’s been alot of people on my street that have died since we moved here tbh it’s fucking weird
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