#and then my brain just fills it in with random crap from there

[jrueships]

........ wrow .

[meanwaffle]

Safety (Tsukishima x Reader)

Warning: alcohol, hu culture

Notes: college party moment

You sipped on your drink as you couldn’t take your eyes off the tall, handsome, blonde man across the room. He was chatting with some guys, but he had a bored expression you couldn’t take your eyes off of. He obviously wasn’t enjoying himself very much and it made you wonder why he’d come to a college party if he wasn’t someone who liked them. Maybe his friend made him come. Or he was trying to get laid. Who knows?

What a fucking jerk.

His name was Tsukishima. You sorta knew him already. It was a month or two ago when you both matched on tinder. Tinder was your best friend after all. It was an easy way to find hot and willing guys to keep you company on those lonely nights. The best part was there were usually no strings attached. You didn’t have to shield your heart from getting hurt, you just gotta have fun and spend your young adulthood partying and vibing. You didn’t have to worry about being vulnerable because it was a quick fuck and done.

Oddly enough when you matched with him and started talking to Tsukishima a bit… you got too vulnerable. It wasn't like you at all.

You found yourself blushing when he complimented you. His blunt charm offered a sense of relief. When he said you were beautiful, easy to talk to, how he felt comfortable with you, this bluntness made you truly believe he was being genuine. Over time, his messages started to become short and dull. When that would happen with other guys you’d just roll your eyes and move on to the next. Stupidly enough you kept sending him messages and continuing conversations or starting new ones. You would hold onto each convo starter like it was a life line.

“You look very pretty.” he told you once in response to a selfie you sent of him.

Ah… you wanted him to praise you more.

You wanted to meet him. You didn’t even care about getting laid, you just wanted to see him in person and maybe… hold his hand or something. Like they do in those romcoms! He was so tall after all, you’re so sure if he embraced you that you would melt into his touch.

“When are you free? Let’s go out to dinner.” You’d ask him. 

“I’m free on weekends! But if you have plans, my classes end at three!” You’d tell him.

“Shoot me a message whenever you’re available.” You’d messaged him.

Nothing.

After talking nonstop for two weeks, the moment you invited him out he changed. Shorter messages. He took longer to respond. Baseless excuses one after another about how he’s busy, that he’ll let you know the second he’s free. Responding to you obviously became less of a priority as you got left on delivered for hours and hours and hours, until finally you remembered why you originally were just sleeping around.

Men really suck.

You’re glad you remembered before you got too attached. 

Enough with all that. Sure it was only a little bit ago, but that was all in the past! Tonight was about having fun! You downed the rest of your drink and mingled in with the crowd once again. Striking conversations left and right, you danced a bit to the music, sang along to the popular songs that got everyone hype. You were having a good time and soon lost yourself in the fun. The alcohol was finally hitting and your confidence skyrocketed.

And there's nothing more powerful than a confident woman with a mission.

“Crap!” You blurted out as you felt yourself back up into someone. You quickly turned around to face whoever it was to apologize. “So sorry, I wasn’t watching where I was going.”

“Oh, that’s alright! No worries.” A fresh, freckled face greeted you. It was a guy, a cute guy. The dark and grayish hair of his went against your usual type, you had a soft spot for blondes, yet his vibe was so oddly kind. At first you wondered what a guy like this was doing at some random shit college party. Though, when his large eyes met yours paired together with a dorky smile all the reasonable thoughts washed away and only one idea filled your brain. 

He was your mission.

With a grin, you tilted your head to the side just a tiny bit to subtly emphasize your good side. You fluttered your eyes in that cute manner that's always gotten the guys to take interest. “I don’t think I’ve met you! Do you go to parties a lot?”

You heard him suck in a breath and held back a giggle. The cute eye technique still hasn’t failed you. He was nervous, huh? “Ah, no, I came with a friend just cuz… I don’t know where he is right now actually. Uh! But I’m Yamaguchi.” A tint of red glowed on his cheeks.

You introduced yourself back and quickly started up small talk. At first he was hesitant, fumbling over his words a bit and avoiding direct eye contact with you. Once you got him on the topic of his hobbies, however, he started to go on and on about volleyball. You had to hold back a cringe when the subject of volleyball took place. You had no problem with sports! But, icky enough, Tsukishima also danced on the topic a bunch of times. You were positive he mentioned how he was on the team at school, maybe Yamaguchi was too. Maybe they were teammates? If that's the case, part of you wants to just run away from this guy.

Hm, well…. Doesn’t matter. It’s just a hookup. Besides after geeking out a bit he got comfortable enough to just… let go. You both were swaying to the music and laughing, you felt up on his arm and stroked his ego as you showered him in compliments and praises. He denied them, of course, he was shy and humble. Following every praise of yours with something along the lines of “I’m not all that.” or “I bet you know much cooler guys.” 

After some time passed the party was still at full blast. Slowly, you intertwined your fingers with his and glanced up at him with big doey eyes. His expression turned to one of surprise and his entire face was heated. You could even see him biting his lip from nerves alone. “Hey…” you said with a breathy tone. “why don’t we go somewhere quieter?”

Yamaguchi flinched and you watched him nervously gulp. “I, um, l-like where? I mean… you know… my friend is still here and if I’m leaving I should let him know-”

With an air headed smile, you tugged at his arm in the direction of the stairs. “We won’t leave! I know the people who rent this place, we can just go up to her room for a bit. She won’t mind.”

“This isn’t your place t? Shouldn’t we uh, ask then?”

“It’s fine! I’ve done this before.” With that said and done, you made your way over to the stairs. Yamaguchi followed close behind, but as you both were climbing up you were so focused on your gleeful success in getting a cutie in bed that you didn’t hear his hesitant mutters, questioning what you meant by “done this before.”

You pulled him into an empty bedroom and didn’t waste any time. You attached your lips to his and passionately threw your arms around him, pulling him even closer so your tits pressed against him. Internally, he was panicking. He’s never had anyone interested in him in this sort of way, especially someone who would act on it so quickly. It was all happening so fast for him, however, he let himself fall into the moment. Yamaguchi’s thoughts were racing. He couldn’t believe a girl like you would want to be intimate with him. The heat in his cheeks got hotter. Your tongue’s dancing together.

Skillfully using some interesting angles, you managed to get both of you close enough to the bed for you to slowly push him onto the springy mattress. A cute yelp escaped his lips with a subtle panic as you climbed on top of him without detaching yourself from his rosy lips. However, instead of him continuing with the sexy thrill of fucking at a party, he pulled back. You were surprised he’d do that, but the concerned look on his face made you question if you were pushing him into something he didn’t actually want to do. “Are you okay?”

Yamaguchi chewed at his lip. Crazy enough, you’ve only known him for a couple hours and even you could tell he does that when he’s nervous. He wouldn’t make eye contact with you, which was another indicator. His body language told you enough. You rolled off him and sat up on the edge of the bed. You bent down forward and softly smiled in an attempt to ease the tension “Not in the mood?”

Like a lightning bolt, he shot up with a worried expression.” No! I mean yes, I mean, I’m nervous, that’s all. You’re really pretty and It’s just a lot-”

“He’s a virgin.”

Both of you two whipped your heads towards the doorway which was suddenly open with a tall figure leaning against the frame. Tall, blonde, glasses resting on the bridge of his nose, you couldn’t stop your mouth from opening a bit in shock as you witnessed none other than Tsukishma there with a sharp glare of disappointment.

“Oh god, Kei! How long have you been standing there?!” Yamaguchi, obviously very flustered, spoke first because you were still stupidly sitting on the end of the bed with your mouth still agape from a lack of knowledge to even know what to say to this guy.

With a glance over at you, then back to his friend, he spoke more. “First of all you should’ve locked the door if you’re going to mess around. And I have been standing here ever since you fumbled the whole making out part.” His eyebrow furrowed, which was odd to you. He seemed to be annoyed with his friend. Was he annoyed that his homie was getting laid and he wasn’t? You certainly couldn’t think of another reason. A logical one for sure.

“I was looking for you so we could finally leave, though I saw her chatting you up and then going up the stairs.” He shot another quick glance over at you. “I could connect the dots.” His tone was irritating to hear. It was like he was talking down to you.

You shoved down any desire to stay quiet and spoke up. “That’s so weird, Tsukishima! And what if we kept going. You were just gonna stand there and watch? You’re such a pervert-”

“Wait, do you two know each other?” Yamaguchi asked, surprised.

“You’re hooking up with someone you met a few hours ago.”

You threw your hands in the air. “It’s college! This is what we do!”

Both of you were huffing and pouting like the drunk idiots you were. 

Yamaguchi had no clue what to make of the situation. He was shifting his weight back and forth as he fiddled with his fingers. He kept trying to get a word in, but despite his efforts everything he said fell on deaf ears as both you and Tsukishima kept going back and forth. One petty thing after the other. Tsukishima finally let out a giant scoff and went to turn to his friend. “Let’s just go.” He was thrown back when he realized the friend he was talking to was no longer there. There was just an empty space “Huh? Where did he go?”

“He walked off maybe five minutes ago.”

His nose scrunched up. “And you didn’t think to say anything?”

“I thought the wave goodbye would’ve been enough but I guess I didn’t take into account your lack of awareness.” You responded with yet another eye roll. 

He sharply turned towards the door. “Whatever, I’m out of here.” 

“I bet, ghosting is your best talent.”

Tsukishima stopped dead in his tracks. His hawk eyes gleamed into you with an emotion you couldn’t quite describe. Even so, you could tell he was offended by what you said. “I didn’t ghost you, you ghosted me.”

Your mouth fell agape for the second time tonight. Was he trying to set a record of how many times can he make you gawk at him like this? Who did he think he was accusing you like that! “Are you being for real right now? You started taking hours to respond to me! Yet your snap score was still going up. You were ignoring me and stopped talking to me. That’s ghosting!”

He turned on his heel to face you again. “But I still responded! Every time! Even if it took me a while to get back to you. You were the one who unadded me out of nowhere!”

“That’s my point, it wasn’t out of nowhere! I had a reason. I wasn’t going to waste my time with a guy who didn’t prioritize me.” You crossed your arms. This was not how you wanted to spend your time at this party. You came here for mindless fun, not a confrontation with some ex situationship.

Unbeknownst to you, Tsukishima’s heart rate was increasing at those words. The idea that you wanted him to prioritize you plagued his thoughts. “I thought we were just going to hook up.”

“Huh, yeah, but…”

“But?” You both were maintaining eye contact. It was weird that the guy you thought was just another fail basically interrupted you from fucking another guy for meaningless sex. And now you were both standing here, facing off from each other. One sharp response to the next, even though Yamaguchi left you were still at each other's throat. Truly, one of you should just go separate ways. 

You huffed. “Nothing.”

“You wanted more than just sex?”

“No, geez, I said it was nothing.”

His hand snapped to yours, snatching it roughly enough for you to break eye contact and stumble backwards with a shy gasp. “If it’s nothing then lets hookup, right now.”

You visibly flinched at his words. “Huh? Are you drunk?

“We’re both drunk. That’s why we’re stumbling around.” His grip on you loosened. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s fool around. You were trying to get fucked weren’t you?”

“God, Tsukishima.” You pulled away from him and plopped yourself on the edge of the bed. Tilting your head as you looked at him. “It’d be weird to have sex with you after all this.”

Tsukishima’s mouth curled into a cocky grin. “It’s college, it’s what we do.” You couldn’t hold back an eye roll at his mocking tone. “It’s the time for casual sex. Didn’t you say that?” He leaned back and turned the lock on the door. “See, I can remember to lock the door at least.”

Tsukishima was so seductive and it made your tummy turn as he looked at you with lustful eyes. It felt like he could see through you to your very soul, knowing how at one point you craved for him to embrace you and kiss you gently. You’d fantasized about him inviting you over to his apartment, with a candle lit dinner and red wine poured into those cute fancy glass cups. Then, after you two were done eating, he’d scoop you into his arms and carry you to the bed. Stripping you and leaving trails of love marks to brand his romance into your very flesh. 

But, you didn’t care about that anymore. Yeah, there's no doubt that you are completely over that. You were completely fine with a casual hookup in some random bedroom. This was fine, so you have no reason to disagree with him. 

You exhaled and glanced over at him with your lips puckered. “Alright, it is a party…” a hint of embarrassment sparkled in your eyes “Let’s do it.”

Tsukishima didn’t hesitate. He climbed right on top of you and pushed you onto your back. His hands were placed on each side of your head. You could feel his body heat as he leaned down closer, his lips almost right against yours. “Can I get an enthusiastic yes?”

You were nervous and he could tell. A sheer crimson enveloped your cheeks and flowers bloomed in the depths of your core. You never felt like this with your other hookups, but for some reason the thought of him seeing you naked… even the thought of seeing him naked made your tummy twist and turn.

That’s why this was weird!

But you would sooner die than admit it. “...I want you to fuck me.”

The cocky blonde smiled at you. It was different however, the spiteful and argumentative man you were yelling at earlier was nowhere to be seen, replaced by someone much gentler. It was an emotion you’ve never seen on a man. Usually when you spread your legs for whoever will give you attention they look down on you. They treat each encounter as some sort of game. They were the players and you were a side quest for them to complete. It was a common misconception with most of the men you surrounded yourself with that the harder they fuck you, the better they are at sex. Even when it hurts and you want it to stop, you don’t say anything. After all, fucking you rough gave them power. If you took away their power they’d want nothing to do with you. Men thrived on the idea that they were the dominant one, they were the ones in charge, and you were mercy under their touch. In reality, your fake moaning and exaggerated expressions was nothing more than a manipulation tactic that a single man has yet to see through.

You were nothing but an object.  You let yourself become an object.

You’re so lonely.

Tsukishima’s smile didn’t host any intensity or wrath, because he didn’t perceive you as just something to fuck. Seeing you waiting for him to pleasure you, he wanted nothing more than to please you to the point you’d never sleep with another guy again. This was the only moment he might have to prove to you that he can earn your approval.

He never thought he ghosted you. Henever wanted to ghost you and to this day he remembers the devastation he had when he woke up and saw an X next to your username. He had to play it cool, after all he was on tinder for meaningless sex and a way to kill his boredom. You didn’t simply kill it, you cured it. Talking to you made him flushed. He wasn’t supposed to be like that. He likes to believe it was his pride that got in the way of you two actually working out, but in reality it was his undeniable shyness. When he saw you had sent him a message, an internal panic plagued his thoughts. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t admit he was shy around you, even to himself he never realized that he was just scared to meet up with you or that he’d say something stupid. If he made himself out to be a fool the facade he worked so hard to keep  up with would crumble and he’d be left with nothing.

That’s why his messages became dull and his response time plummeted. 

Tsukishima dove between your thighs. With a free hand, he flipped your skirt up and settled his face right in front of your clothed pussy. You gasped at the realization that he was going to give you oral. Usually, it was the other way around. You didn’t dislike sucking dick and in fact you think you're pretty good at it. “H-hey, you know, you don’t have to do that.” you whispered, a flash of heat filling your body.

Confused, he lifted himself out from beneath your skirt. “You don’t like being eaten out?”

“Well, of course I do, but we don’t have to do all this foreplay stuff. I know men say it can be a hassle-”

“Oh my god.” He huffed and for a split second you were about to snap back at him, yet a warmth spread across your cunt. You squealed, hips twitching. He was licking you over your underwear. No one has ever done that to you before. It was thrilling. You had no idea how something as simple as eating you out was able to make your core explode like fireworks in a dark sky, but Tsukishima was succeeding in it. Hollowing out his cheeks, he applied suction as the wet spot drenching your panties only grew. “Ask me to take off your panties and I will.”

Fuck.

“Take off my panties…”

You’ve never had to ask for anything during sex before. Previous men you have been with just do what they want. Even the shy guys, you give them head and they’re so eager to fuck you that they rush into slipping it in without a second thought of your desires. You couldn’t count the amount of times you had to shout out “Don’t cum inside me!” as the guy would groan in your ear that they were about to cum. Despite that, a good chunk would still cum inside.

You knew it. Tsukishima was different.

You’ve just been surrounding yourself with the wrong people.

You did not want to admit that right now, however. If you did, you’d probably start crying as you accepted that you have been using sex as a self harm tactic to combat the internal hatred you harbor for yourself. At this moment you just wanted to be held and cherished by the sharp witted man about to ravish you. You liked feeling special. He liked making you feel special more. He wanted to pleasure you in a way no man could ever live up to. Plague your mind so that even if you were swooped into the arms of another your thoughts would be full of him. 

Hooking his fingers under your panties, he slid them off. 

He teased you by swiping his tongue up your damp slit. The whimper that flew out only encouraged him to tease you more. A little on the rough side, he started to apply suction to your deprived clit. Electricity bolted up to your brain and then all the way back down to your toes. How does it feel so good? You were confused. Why did it feel so pleasurable? It wasn’t supposed to feel this good, was it?

Your thoughts were drowned out by the sound of your own moans.

Your voice fueled his desire to hear more. Out of nowhere, he began to attack your pussy like he was nothing more than a starved man in the wild. He pushed his tongue inside you which caused you to unintentionally grind your hips against his tongue. More, you wanted more. His tongue slithered around your walls, ripping another cry from your throat. You couldn’t believe you were making such embarrassing noises. You never knew you were capable of such whimpers.

His nose bumped into your clit as he tongue fucked you even deeper. The wetness of his saliva mixed with your slick. His mouth was devouring your pussy and you could tell he was quite experienced. Tsukishima succeeded in his goal, because no man will ever live up to the skill he had with his tongue. 

Tsukishima’s pace never slowed. Up until an intense feeling of ecstasy washed over your entire desperate body, he didn’t let up one bit. You didn’t realize that you were whimpering his name softly under your breath. His dick twitched at the sound and he couldn’t wait to be inside you. It was hard for him not to just take you there and then, but he had an personal obligation to make you cum with his tongue. Strings of curses escaped your lips and he had a front row seat to you cumming on his face.

Not only cumming, however, you were squirting.

Tsukishima lifted his head up from beneath your thighs. You stayed on your back, huffing with wide eyes.  “Was that good?” He asked, the desire for praise more than apparent enough.

You blinked a few times, processing that irresistible new feeling you just experienced. You could see Tsukishima staring at you with a perplexed eyebrow raise. Using your elbows to sit yourself up, you awkwardly smiled. “It was good, really good, I mean I’ve never done that before…”

“You’ve never cum before? Oh wow, you need to pick better gu-”

“No!” You interrupted his misconception. “I never squirted, like that, It’s embarrassing and geez, it’s all over your lips!”

Tsukishima placed his hand against his mouth and rubbed at it with little to no effort. “Oh.” He chuckled at himself, making you smile. “I had a suspicion maybe you liked virgins or something and that’s why you couldn’t cum. You tried to sleep with Yamaguchi afterall.”

“Nothing wrong with virgins.” You retorted. 

He raised his hands in defense. “Sorry, sorry, you fuck a lot of virgins or something?”

You pressed your lips into a thin line. “I fuck a lot of people in general.”

“Oh yeah?” He smirked, climbing back on top of you and hooking his arm under your leg. “What’s your body count?”

“Only polite of you to answer first.”

“It’s high.”

“Same.”

After some silence both of you started to smile, trying to hold back laughter. Tsukishima was the first one to break the quiet. “We’re both sluts then.”

Not the first time you’ve been called a slut and it probably won’t be the last, but somehow this charming man said it in a way that was able to turn you on. Happily, you wrapped your arm around his neck and pulled him closer to your blushed face. You scooted downwards just so he had a better angle to lift up your leg even more. “Fuck me like a slut then.”

You did not need to say that twice.

Desperately with his free hand, he tugged his zipper down and let his cock out into the open. You quickly peeked at it, long enough to get a good look at it but not too long for Tsukishima to notice you staring. You wanted to play it cool. 

It was thick. Precum oozed at the tip of his cockhead, twitching with excitement to sink itself into your wet cunt.

He positioned his cock right against your soaking wet hole. Your pretty pussy was fluttering at the anticipation of finally getting fucked by the one guy you had an attraction to outside just his dick. He sunk into you slowly, biting his lip while doing it. You threw your head back with a moan. Your pussy stretched around his hard member. He started to fuck you with a steady pace. He didn’t just start pounding into you, no, instead he kept a stable rhythm allowing you to get used to the thick cock inside you. 

Still, with every buck of his hips that amazing dick of his hit the sweet, spongy spot deep inside your velvet walls. You whimpered and moaned, embarrassingly still trying to keep quiet in case anyone was nearby to hear you. Your shirt was suddenly pulled upwards along with your bra. You looked up to see Tsukishima practically drooling at the sight of your bouncing boobs. It was a sexy sight, they bounced along with the rhythm of his thrusts. He kept a steady arm around your leg and began to speed up his pace. “What a sight.” He groaned, yet the compliment fell on deaf ears as the volume of your cries filled the air.

He rolled his hips, pushing his cock deeper inside you. His heavy balls slapped against you, only adding to the lewd noises your bodies were making. Your pussy was clenching around him. The burning sensation of delight warmed up your cunt and the nerves surrounding your puffy clit were sparkling. However, none of it compared to how intense the pleasure was in your core. His cock was filling you. The friction was nothing less than addicting. 

You let your arms fall from around his neck onto the blanket. You gripped the fabric into a tight fist. The pleasure he was giving you was purely euphoric and you didn’t know how to handle it. Every cry that was ripped from your throat couldn’t be stopped even if you wanted it to. Even now, when his thrusts were getting sloppier and his groans filled your ears. His cock was twitching against your wet walls and the words “I’m gonna cum.” repeated out of his mouth.

You were too into it that the thought of telling him not to finish inside you wasn’t a concern.

Truly, you wanted him to cum inside you.

Thick, hot semen was pumped into the depths of your delicates. Tsukishima’s head rolled back and he let your leg fall against the bed. Your cunt was milking him perfectly that he could swear up and down that his eyes rolled to the back of his head. After he finished cumming, you both took a moment to catch your breaths and process how that was the best sex either of you have ever had. Hoping that the other was thinking the same thing.

Tsukishima clicked his tongue. “Shit, is there a towel, oh crap, it got on the bed.” He looked around trying to find something suitable to clean up the cum leaking from your cunt. You half sat up, fixing your bra and shirt with one hand then pointed to a side drawer next to the bed. “There's a washcloth in the bedside table there.”

He listened to you and reached over, opening the drawer and taking out the washcloth you knew was there. “How did you know that?” He tossed it over to you and zipped his pants back up. You cleaned yourself and pulled your panties back into place. “I’m friends with the people who rent this house. I’ve fucked many guys on that bed.” Standing up, you patted the wrinkles in your skirt flat. 

Tsukishima wasn’t sure what to say.

You could tell you created an awkward moment, so quickly you added onto it. “And out of all those guys you were the best. So, you were right, it wasn’t that weird.”

He smiled. His smile was contagious and you found yourself grinning along with him. “Good to hear. Are you heading back to your dorm? Sounds like the party died down.”

You nodded. “Yep. Gotta sleep this drunk off.”

“I should walk you home. It’s dark.”

Your heart fluttered. You metaphorically slapped yourself and gulped air down your dry throat, desperately making sure to hide any excitement from him. “That would be the safe thing to do. We’ve both been drinking, maybe you should spend the night. You know, for safety, walking home alone in the dark drunk is dangerous for men too.”

Stars twinkled in Tsukishima’s chest. He began to approach you and at first you weren’t sure what he was doing exactly, though without another moment passing he intertwined his fingers with yours. Pulling you closer to his shoulder and squeezing your hand tightly. It made you feel safe just as he intended.

“You wanna hold my hand?” 

A hint of red tinted his cheeks which went against the demeanor he made sure to force all these years. Maybe both of your auras are attracted to each other. The fear of commitment and stubborn pride caused you both to push away, but in this moment reality felt raw. It made sense.

“Just to be safe, of course.”

[magicalberserk]

New version of my old and dumb Microwave Society quotes roleplay meme, now including more quotes from this video! Please check out the actual Microwave Society channel here!

"Lion King is just a Shakespeare play, but for furries."

"Engineering; creating solutions for problems that don't exist."

"I am not going to Ohio! In fact, I'm going the opposite direction!"

"You know what I wish I had in my hands right now? A gun! So I could shoot whoever made this!"

"Call him 'Arby's', 'cause he's got the meats!"

"I'm gonna murder two children tonight."

"You have problems with cream filled chocolate cake?"

"Someone's halls are getting decked!"

"This isn't just a movie, [name]. This is the movie."

"I have no friends, and I'm not gonna start now!"

"The only problem with that is the fact that I don't care."

"We're in a sports competition! Why did you bring grenades!?"

"It's Santa Clause!"

"Oh dear, it seems I've missed my turn..."

"Nothing personal, but you are the worst being I've ever encountered."

"We're not gonna feed [name] unless you buy a tee shirt."

"I'm gonna put my head in a guillotine."

"Nobody that works here is sad, 'cause if they are sad they're dead!"

"I will light you on fire."

"Snip snap, your opinion is crap!"

"If we barrel to our deaths, at least we'll be singing a really cool song!"

"Your parents didn't love you, and no one else will either."

"You're boiling my vibe! You're heating my vibe to 212°F, bro!"

"I will forever remember the sound of a dodge ball hitting you in the face. That's a sound that stays with you for life."

"Kill me, so I can stop watching this."

"Oh god, I forgot this was a musical! NOOOOO!"

"This is the beginning of my villain arc."

"You know I hate to break it to you, uh, but you're wrong..."

"Check out my new invention: gun!"

"Um... I have a civil war to reenact..."

"Why are we in Texas?"

"This is a call for help, I haven't eaten in days."

"As a pianist, you make me wanna tear my hair out."

"Merry Christmas!" *Explosion*

"Picture this: it's 7 AM. You just woke up. You eat your hypothetical eggs and bacon. You walk out to the bus and two minutes later, you're experiencing 15 Gs."

"Technically, pirate ships are just really big sailboats."

"Joke's on you, there was a landmine right there."

"Everyone clapped, Obama was there."

"With all due respect, sir... no."

"What's the return policy on human beings?"

"I will literally kill us all."

"I'm gonna lock myself in my room and not come out for another twenty years!"

"It's school, you're probably just staring at a wall thinking about something else entirely."

"Would you love me if I was a worm?"

"Nothing is illegal in Britain."

"You are a danger to society!"

"Is your bed made out of cardboard and sticks?"

"We've all been to an execution, right?"

"Oh no, the taxes! They're coming for me!"

"I don't wanna go to England! I don't wanna be British!"

"I really wanna plug a straightener into a random outlet in your house."

"I hate my wife so much that I don't communicate with her."

"[Name], I'm going to actually kill you."

"I wish movies were real."

"Musicians are the most pure people, I dunno what you're talking about."

"What bathroom door? I've never seen a bathroom in this house!"

"Are you on drugs right now?"

"It's standard procedure! We're gonna throw a kid off the train, and they're gonna get sucked under the wheel and die!"

"I'm so mature and everything, I objectify all women! Not just hot women!"

"Guys, I'm from Awesome Town, so I'm like, super awesome."

"If you didn't have curly hair, George Bush would come into your house and shoot you."

"You know how you feel bad? Well, I'm gonna make you feel worse."

"Don't fall into another dimension in middleschool, you'll be fine."

"Being thrown into a wall doesn't hurt, apparently."

"I want a house made of gummy bears..."

"Only the United States would make jaywalking a thing."

"Brains are so gross, I'm glad I don't have one."

"What ever, major loser."

"Aircraft carriers are just floaty airports."

"Let's walk out into the dark, shadowy part of the forest where no one can see you."

"I... haven't read any of them. Because I just... hate reading..."

"I just want a restaurant to make me a cheeseburger that doesn't look like they slapped it face down."

"Back in my day, we went out back and watched someone get hanged."

"None of these people are ugly enough to be musicians. If you think a musician's attractive, someone else wrote their songs."

"My frontal lobe does not associate dopamine to anything, Ever."

"If you spend time with your family, you're fired! Because capitalism!"

"Can we stop having cinematic universes?"

"End my life right now."

"God, not England! Gross! Ew!"

"Let's put lighter fluid inside the turkey."

"He should be dead. I want him to be dead. I want to execute him. He doesn't have a punchable face, he has a shootable face. Let's kill him."

"It's a good time, no alcohol required!"

"Haha, I'm trespassing!"

"You have the mental capacity of a toe!"

"I hope everyone here dies of disease."

"I would fly like that if I was a superhero, just T-pose the entire way."

"I don't think labor laws existed in Bible days..."

[oldeubagel]

(This is copy pasted from a post on Deviantart, so please go check that post as well.)

God, I cannot believe that I'm having to do a post like this but here we go.

Stop talking about Olympanic to me, I beg you all to stop talking about Olympanic to me and begging for I to continue the story.

If you follow me on other social medias (specially tumblr) you already know about this type of annoyance I've been dealing with for the past weeks. A user on tumblr (who I will not reveal the name so they don't get harassed) made various posts about me and olympanic, saying how much they want olympanic back, telling peoples to "block and report" me for deleting my sport mascot related artworks from tumblr and even saying that "Do Gods fight?" A project that I'm working on with friends of mine, is a "rip off" of Olympanic.

I will first of all say that I would never know about this situation if a tumblr anonymous on my inbox didn't say it, and I thought that that after expressing my annoyance with this situation and various peoples coming to give a tap on that users shoulders, telling him to stop and respect my decisions, they would just hear them and stop that tantrum of theirs, aparently not really. Some days later when I posted some reef sheets of my ocs, they started to comment EVERY DAY about Olympanic and how much they wanted the fancomic back, that lasted 3 days since I was already so tured of that bullshit I just blocked them in the third day. And again, I thought it would end on that, I thought that peoples would have the decency and the maturity to leave that piece of crap of a fancomic alone. Guess I was wrong, again.

Yesterday a complete different user (who will also not have their name revealed) came into my profile and on the last Olympanic page posted, saying that peoples should finish olympanic "line by line", after a couple of replies they just said "Are you uwilling to give this cliffhanger of a story to people who are more passionate thab you with the sole purpose of finishing it? Wasn't that a win-win?" I answer them "No. And I'm tired of hearing about Olympanic", two minutes later the user replied "I'll take it as a 'yes but as long as you don't spam me about this or I'll block you. Laters!' Done deal and here we go!" When №1 I never consented to them to do that and №2 I literally answered them "no".

Then when I right fully answered them asking what did they mean with that, they said they would just fille the story with AI (which if you ask me, it goes alot against with what that user said about passion for the project, if your really passioned about something, you wouldn't be lazy and use generative ai) and also started comparing my fancomic to the artwork "Unfinished painting" by Keith Haring saying, hell they even made a youtube community post, A FUCKING YOUTUBE COMMUNITY POST and sended me the link of that, saying "it's not like someone took Keith Haring's unfinished work and just filling it with AI, right?", I don't even have words to explain how fucking annoyed I am honestly.

I'm getting genuinely tired, it's not even funny anymore, I stopped Olympanic for a reason, one of them was that it wasn't no longer fun working on that shit, amd I wish peoples could comprehend that. It's so annoying opening my notifications and seeing peoples whine and beg about that fancomic, I'm so tired and I feel like losing my mind for good.

About giving Olympanic to someone else to work on, it would only be someone I already knewd and trusted, and not some random DA user who seens to (no offense) have maggots eating their brain since they cannot comprehend a "No" and take it as a yes "Yes".

I'm angry, I'm tired and I want peoples to leave me alone with this shit.

Have a horrible weekend, I don't care.

[cadybear420]

Holy shit it's already been 4 years since I first discovered Choices. Excuse me while I try to keep my brain from exploding

On February 2, 2021, I found the app while idly searching random shit on the Google Play store. I downloaded it expecting it to be as trashy as the ads portrayed those kinds of games as. So I planned to spend my time mocking the game and its ridiculousness that I expected from it, and then delete it once I had my fill.

One hour later, in my bed at 5:30 AM, I was playing TRR Book 1 and already at the end of chapter 1, I was swooning over Prince Liam because he was just the sweetest, and thinking to myself that this game probably has some substance.

Then after I completed TRR 1 chapter 1 I noticed TNA Book 1. That cover looked exactly like the normative kind of stuff I'd love to mock. I started playing it and it had a lot of normative mock-worthy things but it was also kind of fun in a way. It's exactly what it was on the cover and it was interesting, and it did have some genuine positives.

A couple of weeks later, later in February, TNA 1 would be the first Choices book I ever completed. Again, mock-worthy but fun and interesting. I think I either tried out Foreign Affairs or Open Heart next, though I didn't really binge through those because they felt more low-key compared to the insanity wild ride that was TNA.

I don't remember when exactly I started HSS. My earliest screenshot is from Book 1 Ch 6 and goes back to March 11, 2021 but I know I started it earlier than that. And believe you me, I was fully expecting it to be a very corny Disney Channel high school style story. Instead I got the motherfucking demon child that would rework my entire brain chemistry for the next four years and almost certainly counting.

HSS was definitely playing on some tropes and very larger than life yet at the same time, it still felt real and it played up the tropes well. I was definitely invested after the first 2-3 chapters, and I think by chapter 5 after that premium scene where you can listen to Aiden playing piano I was full-on hooked. That's when I knew for sure I was never getting rid of this app. No matter how much bullshit AI crap or whatever PB is doing nowadays, they can't take HSS away from me.

It also helped that I was feeling like utter shit early in February, partly due to my older fandom RWBY being a shitshow (do not ask). Choices and HSS was one of quite a handful of good, refreshing things that came along and gave me a sort of a fresh start.

I'm not going to go over my nostalgia for all the books because as fond as those memories are, if I did that we'd be here forever so maybe another time. But I will say that I spent the first year and a half on Choices Reddit and a couple of Discords and had some fun times there. Then sometime in June 2022 I made my blog. I was unsure about the Tumblr fandom so I joined to mainly just reblog Aiden-related stuff and mind my own business not really talking to people much.

Eventually I decided to start posting some of the edits I'd been working on in my spare time but not really sharing them much. My first ever edit I posted was the first version of Aiden's swimsuit redesign. I was really nervous about sharing it at first.

Later on I started posting a few more edits, HSS incorrect quotes and also getting involved in some of the critical discourse because it was making my brain run at 5000000 mph.

For the following year and a half I would be more active but still mostly reblogging stuff with the occasional discourse post of my own or edit. I was still very nervous about some things like more suggestive HSS headcanons and I've witnessed a couple of the arguably worse sides of the Choices fandom. Social anxiety is a bitch.

It wasn't until around October 2023 ish... or maybe July 2023 ish actually, that I started getting more immersed into more of the community. Around that point I did kind of want to start actually sharing my creations with people and not just dumping them onto my blog. I was still a bit anxious but I also hated being lonely.

And then by December 2023, I participated in my first ever Secret Pal Exchange and I greatly enjoyed it. From there, I began gradually meeting new people, new amazing friends and creators, and I began feeling more comfortable sharing ideas and things I liked.

Heh, who knew that me idly searching random shit on Google play out of boredom and feeling forlorn would lead to all this. So in honor of me having been invested in this game for four years, I want to say thank you to each and every one of you who I have met in the fandom for being a wonderful friend, for supporting my art and my edits and my fics and my headcanons and my MCs and all the rest, for creating such amazing works and MCs and headcanons of your own, and for creating such a welcoming community. I am certainly looking forward to continuing these amazing memories.

Long live the Choices fandom, HSS, and Aiden Zhou with all his class, sass, and ass.

[suusoh]

I love this blog sm cause the johan/monster obsession hit me out of nowhere a few months ago and i had no one to talk to abt it. I got my fill from older stuff and @riewritten’s work (god bless) but NOW i can just think of random crap and send it here???? And idec if you don’t respond cause i know you’ll read it and consider it so someone will know the crap im thinking???? Until you get sick of writing or talking abt this im gonna turn your asks into my little Johan diary. The only reason im asking anonymously is cause my little cousin for some god forsaken reason has a tumblr and found mine but im like super close to opening one just so i can openly obsess over this

And i just love your whole thing with Anna. Absolutely amazing, can’t believe it’s the first time i’ve stumbled upon this idea. I loveeee unhinged women, you’re honestly giving me so much i hope your life is wonderful and happy and interesting in only the good ways

(...Continuing this from my last ask cause it got too rambly. I just wanted to say, if you’re struggling with writing or ever considering if people care about your stuff or if anyone will read it or if it’s good, know that i care, and i will read it, and baby i don’t give a shit if the writing is good. I already love the little ways your brain is working with all these ideas and, while i believe it’ll be good, even if the writing leaves to be desired i’m gonna munch munch, chomp chomp, gobble gobble, gulp)

oh my goodness anon thank you so much!!!!! I will say that I was being a greedy little gremlin and not answering this ask for awhile because I wanted to lovingly keep it in my inbox and just gaze upon it whenever I feel down.

BUT THANK YOUUUU!!!! ;O;!! <3 <3 <3 <3

And yes! I'm so happy people are getting into anna more! It's hard to spread the word because well... technically she's not a real character in monster </3 she only exists now in our minds. But I absolutely love expaning more and more on her! I actually have like... almost the whole au in my mind of the reverse monster thing where anna is the monster and not johan fhkjlahfjds.

Also I know you already follow rie nonnie but please please stay in tune for her anna works! Me and rie have been rotating anna in our minds like rotiserrie chicken.

[feeling-foxy]

Neil Josten and The Conundrum of π%

When they exchange vows (like written on paper, love letter type shit) because fuck it they deserve this, they want this. Andrews are just π% and Neil (bless ‘em) is standing there going over everything he knows about pi that could possibly pertain to this, and is completely floundering when all he can come up with are “pi percent?” “3.14%” “3.1415926535897932384264338327950288419716939937510. Percent?” And he just cannot get it. This is a math —Andrew— problem he doesn’t understand. Is Andrew taking back his love hate, no fuck it love (at least he’s fairly sure that Andrew loves him), for Neil just to keep it at the never ending span of 3.14 with random fucking numbers following, percent? That’s Bullshit.

But he doesn’t have time to think more, he has a small reception their family friends put together as a midway point to let them celebrate with Andrew and him but also giving them the privacy they wanted by not being there when the damn “ceremony” happened, sans Bee, Wymack and fucking Kevin because “without him it would’ve never happened” quote en quote, he almost punched him for that because if anything he tried to prevent it so fuck him, but he’s there and—now you couldn’t pay Neil any sum of money to admit this out loud— Neil is grateful that he is. So once all the fanfare is done and they’re all at the house they’ve rented because they didn’t want all the cliche romantic getaway crap they just wanted to be with the people who love them and they love in return. [“Andrew shut up we’ve long admitted they’re family”] And it’s only once they’re alone on their room’s balcony for a break and some alone time does Neil finally turn to Andrew and ask “what the hell does “pi percent” mean? What the fuck do you mean by that?” and Andrew? Well Andrew just stares at him before he bursts out laughing, of course in the Andrew way of bursting out laughing. And just says, the asshole, “what happened to “I’ll still solve you” junky” and Neil is completely caught off guard, because he is confused, and he doesn’t understand and understanding Andrew is something he has always excelled at, so he is completely out of his depth here.

So finally at some point Andrew starts talking, explaining, and the answer? well it completely takes Neil by surprise. Because Andrew, the asshole, whom he loves with all he is capable is saying things that Neil longed to hear from him and never thought he would, and he was okay with that genuinely he was. But this? This is so much better.

“Pi is never ending.” “Well duh.” That got Neil a glare shot at him. “Shut up and just let me talk” and he promptly listens.

“Pi is endless. eternal. It’s a number that encompasses the word infinitely in a way that makes sense to your Exy filled brain. But pi, for how eternal —infinite— it is, is irrational it follows no rules, no pattern, it acts however it wants no matter how hard you try and get it to do what you want and it will always win out.”

And holy shit. That’s one of the longest times Neil has heard Andrew speak consecutively, but he still does. Not. Get. It. He doesn’t understand, everything just said was basic knowledge. But Andrew isn’t done.

“When I first started falling for you,” and holy shit number two that’s the first time Andrew has gotten so close to the actual word “love” when talking to Neil. “I tried to push it away, make it conform to what I wanted it to be, and it didn’t work. And since I stopped trying to it hasn’t, and it never will.” And Andrew finally pauses and takes a deep breath and Neil? Neil feels in his bones that this is going to be something big. And his suspicion is furthered when Andrew turns holds eye contact with him.

“Vows are usually a rephrasing of how much one loves their to-be spouse and I always thought it was bullshit. Until I was writing mine to you. So. Neil Abram Josten. When I wrote pi percent on that paper I was writing about how my Love for you is endless, eternal. Infinite. And I was writing about how that love, coupled with infatuation is completely irrational. And will always withstand no matter what force tries to change it.”

“I love you. And that love is equivalent pi. Infinite and unchangeable.”

And Neil gets it now, and Neil is so glad this was one time he couldn’t understand something math —Andrew— related because knowing that for certain would be so much. But hearing Andrew say it to him. Hearing Andrew admit that to him is more than he could’ve ever imagined to Neil. And Andrew, well to Neil Andrew is…

“You’re my everything.”

[vestrabishops]

Random things that came from being a sheltered child with enough introspection to come to hilarious conclusions:

My mom was pretty strict about TV shows I could watch when I was little, but I managed to watch a LOT of That 70s Show reruns behind her back. I didn’t risk this with any other show I wasn’t allowed to watch aside from the occasional episode of Billy and Mandy when I knew she wouldn’t come in, but I was willing to risk it all for this one because my 9 year old brain was (as my 24 year old brain is) crazy hyperfixated on the 70s, and seeing references to Gerald Ford and disco on TV gave me unparelled levels of dopamine. Despite this, I did not at the time, know what weed was. I don’t know when I finally made the connection that the circle was them getting high as shit, but I spent years as a child thinking that a main aspect of the show was just sometimes they would sit in a circle and be really silly and people in the 70s just did that. When I told my bf this story he asked what I thought all the smoke was and 1) both my parents smoke so I didn’t really associate it with Drugs™️ and also 2) there were so many getting crap past the radar references to smoke filled hippie vans in kids cartoons I honestly just thought fog machines where really popular in that time period.

My mom used to watch The Oprah Winfrey Show every single day, so when I didn’t have school, I would help my mom clean the living room and watch Oprah with her. One episode she had on a doctor who quizzed the audience on how much people knew about health. There was one part where she brought up sexual health and my mom fastforwarded through it and told me not to look. The only thing I saw was the phrase “how often should you have sex” and I racked my brain trying to figure out what it meant. The only thing I knew was that sex meant if you were a boy or a girl, so I eventually came to the conclusion that “having sex” meant changing from a boy to a girl or vice versa like certain fish could do. I was slightly confused that humans could do this and no one ever told me, but I assumed it was something you only learned when you’re older and my mom would tell me when she thought I was ready. Anyways I’m nonbinary now, and I blame Oprah.

My parents are both against organized religion due to their own religious trauma, but my grandma is a very devout biblical scholar, so they decided when we visited her for the holidays, I should go to the Christmas service with her to make her happy. This of course, lead to me being talked at for hours as if I knew anything about Christianity beyond vague cultural osmosis. Honestly I didn’t find it overly confusing, but I did assume that when the priest said Jesus was born in Bethlehem, that they where talking about Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and came to the conclusion that my grandma loved Jesus so much because he was born so close to where she lived and felt a connection to him because of it. Also I had zero frame of reference for when Jesus was born, and when the angel told Mary and Joseph to follow the north star, I thought that he got the idea from the underground railroad.

[wh-da-backup]

here are the lyrics scraps and other random crap i had saved on my phone because it's taking up a lot of space and i almost lost it once so let's get this over with

even most of the lyrics are pretty bad but there are a few decent ones also some of them are out of order but most have dates on them

2012

12.23 one razor at a time earning mother's love

12.31 nothing's shiny anymore

11.12 swallow the key solder the locks shut my face in a plastic box

11.16 staring at the sky in the dark as you wait for the movie to start

11.12 drip your drops of old amusement

10.25 take back the throne, take back what's mine i'll take back the blood you filled with my wine

10.26 the lesser of evils will lead us

12.17 i can't pinpoint the last time i held you before you changed

[no date] "summer"

i can't wait until summer. it's warm and we have no school and it has the perfect amounts of daytime and nighttime. the bad thing about summer is i always make a lot of plans but they never come to fruition, at least not as i had hoped. i hope a lot of things for summer. i think summer is better as a hope than as a reality. still, i can't wait for summer because i dislike homework and waking up early. though next summer i will probably have all that. so all i'm left with is missing my friends cause i can't see them everyday. maybe i'm better off abandoning summer. maybe i'm just jaded and annoyed in all seasons. maybe i just miss being a child when summer and winter and all the seasons meant something and i knew hot to play outside and i had an imagination. this has been an essay by me.

4.10 and we used to be broken together i've been so alone ever since you got better

4.16 thoughts of old ambitions i would if things were different slowly losing interest i'm nicer when i'm drunk

i miss what we had i'm not getting it back

6.13 i left the fan on all night it chopped my dreams, tangled

2.19 gettin lies from a girl but he chooses to believe her gettin music in his head from a radio receiver falls right in love with every pretty face he sees this boy is 96 degrees but he thinks he has a fever

6.19 did you whisper to her "hit me in the head again"

i try to tie myself together arms going seismic i threaten to explode

go on avoiding wear her like a fire it's fuel for my furnace and i am the pyre

6.22 some things rot and some things rust 6.20 you wasted my time and you wasted my trust

6.23 and i don't get mad when mosquito bites start to itch when i was a parasite at least i had a niche

6.22 the air feels just like summer sticky humidity thick as my stupidity

6.23 you spend 2012 with another girl we weren't even friends til the end of the world

6.24 nothing seems to beautiful and i keep wishing i were drunk what do you want me to say i'm stupid sober anyway

6.25 ever notice how we parody our own existence laughter is medicine and we're all junkies

6.26 my brain's got an itch i stopped hating myself and i turned into a bitch it's bad the way it all went down i may be a bitch but i keep my promises call me again if rogue wave's in town

7.4 other people's midnight is my 3am

7.4 our bodies grow up around us

7.5 what gave it away? was it my heavy breathing or was it the fact that i explicitly said you look just like the monsters that live in my head?

7.5 it's normal for her to be weird and it's weird for her to be normal she's innocent she makes no sense she's just like my dreams…

7.6 i hope your life is full of bliss i hope it's all parades and circuses

7.5-6 someday you'll find a girl who will write you an even better lovesong than i did, and when you do, invite me to the wedding.

7.11 disguise the limit

7.13 i mourn my heart and everything else that died in your hands

7.14 i had my words laid out across my lips you just kinda punched them off

7.15 you're my piece of poison cake

7.19 candy apple heart's delight i'll have you in pieces by the end of the night

7.24 the radio buzzing a perpetual fart

7.29 media re writing mirrors vomit tears and blood will river out the door from shudder shivers camera chimera feeding on your fears

8.1 the air was still i had to fix it

8.3 thoughts attempt to escape my head i'm trying to sleep i start punching the bed you've fallen before you know it's a war

8.3 i talk too much today about the feelings i had once i plan my conversations days in advance

(the origin of this one was me thinking, hmm… what rhymes in british english but not american english?)

8.10 nothing's changed since the revolution and everyone still thinks it's revolutionary

8.10 ugly jugular juggernaut 7.18 summer is my time to rot

8.13 it's the eyes that justify the suffering

8.17 "dictionary"

a heart is a chaos machine and life is a struggle to be ok

8.17 putting on placebo scars

8.18 we are not the highest tier it seems our humility fermented to fear

and so we run… small racetracks laced with pain we run… our safety drills in vain we run… from anything we know might help us heaven help us

8.18 like swallowing that sip of red wine just half a second too soon

8.25 symptoms of adulthood

8.29 desire to recreate the times you liked it's hard to ask for things you can't describe

8.29 ask me what i planned to do today guess what didn't happen today

8.30 apathy in a bottle

9.3 say something flattering love you are maddening something is shattering breaking and battering

9.5 turn to stone and feel no more turn to flesh and die

9.5 i would comfortably say to your face what i've been saying behind your back

9.5 let me out of this dusty skull

9.7 sleep little one spend your childhood dreaming this all can be taken away and it will

sleep old one sleep waste your final breath dreaming your life can be taken away and it will

9.12 crumble down like bowling pins deadly seven deadly seven deadly seven -ten split sins

9.13 i am a sound nothing to profound component of the echo underground

9.13 and stupid with bad kisses

9.18 that's when i knew it was over for sure you became the cause instead of the cure and i don't need to hurt myself anymore

9.19 most lives occur within a caffeine blur what's so much worse about a heroin haze

9.23 some things you can learn from research, some things you can learn from practice, but some things you just have to learn by being stupid

9.26 all that is mine is my discretion i am not your fight i am not your weapon

10.1 done with pronouns get your own nouns

10.2 even after you were better i just kept trying to fix you til i broke down

you think i hate you, dumbfuck? why hate a stranger? just remember who you clung to when you bore the scars of your own danger

10.4 you'll make it ok, you'll get there in time everyone has their shit to deal with wade through the shit and you'll rinse off and shine

10.9 embryonic generation

10.10 so many fake replies but when you greet me it's a natural hi

10.11 i've never been the type to know my own wants and i'm a different person every six months

10.16 i'll gladly give you everything just tell me who i am

10.18 but no word has meaning until it is consummated with the death of a tree

10.19 it's better that it's your fault i couldn't take the guilt and you can't comprehend just what you've done

10.22 our fragile civilization has fallen to its knees cause we reject what help we get we'd rather have our thieves

10.22 i give myself these nightmares an early funeral gift

10.24 and now i burn my flag to save it from those who don't deserve to wave it

we deserve the guilt for the world our fathers' fathers built this pain we can't forget for the victims' children's children feel it yet

we have not won yet we act as though the battle's dead and done we are not one bleeding from the seams for centuries torn

11.1 vulnerable we exposed our opened skin

gifts of music and inspiration you took me to the cities you built on paper you told me your dreams, your movies

your secrets

and i wrote lyrics of my thoughts drawings of my fears

time passes

minds clear, or at least change music gets old, i guess skin heals up and presence just isn't enough

11.4 the light in the bathroom's on we know that the fires burn out by dawn

11.19 it's not my conscience that's givin me guilt

11.26 you learned to play the rules or else you smoldered with the century

every house marked with a happy green sign like a video game neighborhood set up with a click overnight

steady commercial airline flatlining my pulse in the sky

11.26 cut by feathers cut from apathy cut tomorrow and last night from me count to zero count for everything arrow arrow don't let go of me

dealer breaker fake as everything

11.30 maybe we're just mad because it hurt us when we fell or maybe we're just angels who once dipped a hand in hell

12.2 brewing a storm inside my stomach

12.2 waking up with scars after the anger's gone

12.2 i wanna get so old it doesn't hurt anymore

12.1-2 write me my obitchuary i'm a woman now

12.3 i have no place in time or space

12.7 red my lips before the show

12.9 your body was there but you weren't the one making it breathe

12.9 wishing you would stop but also wishing i still did the same

12.9 i have no idea what you're talking about you must think i'm a fool

baby things aren't the way they were in school

12.10 if i were only a few years older maybe i wouldn't have missed so much

12.14 i fucking miss the person you used to be

12.14 a year ago i wish i'd told you how i felt and how i wanted to kiss you

10.9 at a certain point, you'll realize you're surrounded by gasoline. you don't have to drown. burn it off, little by little. you'll have light, you'll have heat. thrive on what would have killed you until there's not a trace of it left.

and i'll keep writing songs until i've all but forgotten your name

9.19 dark horizon but i won't let it turn my memories to poison

there's no taking back the barriers you've risen

2013

2.24 i always feel like i'm out of the loop out of the infinite loop

2011

[no date] i tripped the alarm and it fell on its face

[illusionsofdreaming]

Notes: Some random headcanons that have been floating around my mind for the longest time and they need to get out so that I can focus on writing these imagines smh-

Ft: NPC Fatui Agents

Pyro Agent

Severe tsundere syndrome

wants to be a loner but everyone drags him into their shenanigans

doesn’t know how to deal with affection and would either: scowl and be snappy about it or turn invisible and escape like a coward

hates being vulnerable and showing weakness

wears his ‘villainous’ persona diligently as a way to scare others away

quick to temper and say the wrong things in the heat of anger, when he cools he is also quick to regret 

bad at apologising, but give him some time, he’ll get to it - eventually

touch-starved

surprisingly does not have high alcohol tolerance

Anemoboxer

friendly big brother everyone wants in their lives

fist bumps YAY

tanker of the team and takes it upon himself to protect everyone

a bit of a himbo

is probably an older brother himself with tons of younger siblings back home

breaks up fights within the group

bakes. the. best. cakes.

all brawn no brain

the hugs this man gives is to die for - it’s those full-body, wrap you in warmth and thick arms, pillowed in nice pecs- *cough* I mean. Great. Amazing. Hugs. Yeah.

is a bit oblivious to signs - getting into a serious relationship with this guy is rollercoaster ride filled with plenty of misunderstandings (incredibly entertaining or frustrating for others to watch)

Pyroslinger

the life of the party

easygoing and a terminal flirt

gets punched a lot due to being a flirt

cheesiest lines that will make your toes curl with second-hand embarrassment

thrives with attention

easygoing, laidback because commitment scares him

thinks he’ll never ever settle down for one until he does- ohshit

a damn sap and loyal fool to his s/o

loves kids

unfortunately terrible at cooking despite his proficiency in handling pyro

Geochanter

The youngest in the group

is actually the strategist in the group and is incredibly good at it - although he does not see this himself 

a bit too humble to the point his self esteem is actually crap

wishes he can be of more help in a fight

is babied and protected by the rest of the group

soft and gentle temperament

affection makes him weak in the knees

quick to blush making him an easy target to tease

highest alcohol tolerance

Electrohammer Vanguard

tired af of watching over the team

migraines 24/7 from dealing with group shenanigans

no-nonsense, kind of stick-in-the-mud guy which unfortunately only makes the mischievous ones want to irritate him more

handling the team feels like being in charge of daycare

wants to retire

seems irritated by his teammates all the time but will send you to hell if you hurt them

noticeably soft against Cryo Cicin Mage

big hands that envelop yours in a very comfortable, safe way

startled by physical affection and is a bit awkward in receiving them but will reciprocate hesitantly

Hydrogunner 

a man of little words but incredibly skilled in his arts

tinkers with his tools when he has time hoping to improve the healing capabilities of his weapons

at down time he just wants to watch sunsets and sip tea

little critters are drawn to him when he’s alone

pets the little critters when he thinks no one is watching

takes care of the team in quiet, unnoticeable ways

little is known of his background

Cryogunner

sashimi > cooked food

fashionista - which is why the Fatui gear given to him is breaking his heart

absolutely hates the design and unwieldiness of it-

sent in many redesigns to HQ but received no response yet

this close to quitting if they don’t give him nicer gear

ripped from head to toe from carrying the heavy ass gear

bear hugs

Cryo Cicin Mage

second baby of the group

incredibly shy and always hides her face under the shadow of her cloak and shields

quick to scare - and quick to attack when scared

admires Mirror Maiden a lot and aspires to be as graceful and elegant as her

hopes she can grow taller soon

lover of pets

very scared of pain

any affection shown towards her makes her blush all the way down to her toes

sheds tears easily as well

cuddles - lots of them

physical contact reassures her - will always have her arm linked with yours or her tiny hand laced with yours

Electro Cicin Mage

alongside Pyroslinger they’re the pranksters of the group

she’s tries to incite Cryo Cicin Mage to be more daring - and sometimes goes a bit overboard in teasing

too much energy

bubbly and loves teasing those around her

snaps when those precious to her are hurt

only the touch of her s/o and closest friends will be able to snap her out of her bloodlust

Mirror Maiden

is the big sister of the group

graceful and mysterious and knows how to use it to her advantage

finds Electro Cicin Mage and Cryo Cicin Mage adorable and helps them in handling their elements

gets along best with Electrohammer Vanguard

always has a practiced smile on her face that makes her hard to read

her real smile could actually stop hearts

so used to caring for others, is a bit surprised when she’s on the receiving end

is the only one who can deal with Pyro Agent when he’s being an insufferable brat

[jujutsubabe]

“This is so pathetic”

Synopsis: In which you and Megumi get really touch starved after not seeing each other for too long 😌

Word count: 1.8k

A/n: reposting this cause the last one got super blocked! It got no likes at all omg

————

You laid in Megumi’s bed squinting up at a textbook you were supposed to be taking notes on. As you stared all the words blurred together the longer you went over them and Itadori’s mumbling as he read aloud made you lose focus.

You sighed before reaching over the bed to tap his head. “Itadori can you please read in your head.”

Nobora clicked her tongue from across the room, “You’re almost an adult and you still can’t read in your head!?”

“I can’t help it, it helps me focus better.” He whined.

“Well if you could, could you just,” you pinched your fingers, “quiet down a little more, I’d love that.”

“If you could read in your head I’d love that.” Nobora grinned.

As Itadori pouted you moved the text book up and down, trying to see if a change in movement would do you better. You squinted, glared, flipped pages, whatever, no matter what the words continued to jumble.

You dropped the book and looked over to Megumi, he sat at his desk effortlessly writing away. It looked as though he did this daily, skimming his eyes over the pages and flipping within seconds. He had filled notes piled all over his desk in messy, but organized stacks.

You turned your head to the few sheets of notes you took, with margins full of doodles. You had to write so much more information.

If only you, Nobora and Itadori hadn’t slacked off all day watching movies, you would be at the same level as him. Or better yet, finished!

You popped some candy Itadori bought into your mouth. You had all been studying for hours, you figured it could be time for a bit of movement.

You hopped over Itadori’s legs to the door, “I’m gonna get a drink from the vending machine, anyone wanna come?”

Nobora shook her head, “I’m good, can you bring two sodas for me though?” She fluttered her eyelashes until you rolled your eyes and held your hand out. She squealed before placing some quarters in your palm. “You can keep the change!”

“Thanks.” With what she gave you, you’d have enough change leftover to throw one penny at someone's car. “Anyone else?”

Megumi stood from his chair while Itadori looked up from his game, “I'll go.” They said at once.

They turned to each other, Itadori’s face full of interest while Megumi’s was full of anything but that. You didn’t like being around people for a long period of time, but he really didn’t like it. Especially when they were in his space for this long.

He did tell them to “go somewhere” but like usual you all didn’t listen and procrastinated all day. Leaving a loud group of teens within Megumi’s quiet space was torture, you swore if you squinted you could see him twitching every time anyone talked.

You looked between the boys, Megumi probably needed an excuse to go outside. You hoped Itadori would somehow get that.

Itadori cocked his head, not reading the room. “Nice! It’ll be the three of us the—”

Before he could finish Megumi already slipped out and slid the door shut, leaving Itadori hanging with his mouth open. Nobora laughed at him.

———————

The two of you walked in silence, Megumi thinking and you in your own little world. The sounds of your footsteps echoed as you walked along the pavement.

He wondered what you were thinking about as you hummed and blew on your hands. Your sweater didn’t have any pockets so you kept pulling your sleeves over them.

“Are you cold?” Megumi asked.

You nodded but continued to rub your hands together, “But we might get caught if we hold hands.”

The two of you were dating. Very secretly, only being romantic whenever you had definite private places to kiss and hold hands. If it was in public it would be you giving a quick peck to his cheek or his hand slipping into yours.

You two wanted it to be a quiet relationship, at least until your friends and teacher happened to catch you guys, which you were both very careful to avoid. He figured as soon as the group found out it would be full of so much chatter and teasing, something you both weren’t too interested in dealing with at the moment.

He flicked his eyes around the building then held his hand out, “No ones here.”

“Are you sure…? What if Gojo comes out of nowhere?” You checked your surroundings as you whispered.

The two of you silently listened for any rustling or footsteps of some kind. He continued to glance at you while your eyebrows pushed together, when you were focused on something he thought you had the sweetest expressions.

Even you looking frustrated made him feel soft, like today when you struggled with that book. It was cute and he couldn’t help but look at you every so often, whenever someone looked back at him he would turn and start writing something random down. He had a few piles of paper with random crap all over it… he really hoped Nobora or Itadori didn’t check his notes while he was gone.

He looked down at the hands by your sides, at this point he didn’t care if the relationship got exposed to everyone.

“Please.” He mumbled.

You pulled on your ears, leaning forward to hear him again. “Huh, what’d you say?”

He squirmed the longer you looked at him. “I didn’t say anything...” he looked away the closer you got to his face.

“You didn’t? I thought I heard you say something.” You backed down, teetering on your toes.

“I…” his tongue tied as he tried to spit out what he wanted to say. It felt like he was confessing to you all over again. He internally groaned as he lost courage to say the words that he felt were too embarrassing to share. “This is so pathetic…”

You grinned, “What are you trying to say? Is it that bad?”

He shook his head, covering his mouth as he circled his brain about how to say his thoughts. Get it together! You two are dating. This shouldn’t be that hard to express, why was he struggling so bad with this?

He glanced down at your hands, flickering his eyes between your face and them. You were shivering and he wanted to do something nice, and he also kind of didn’t see you all day. So he didn’t understand why it was so embarrassing to admit it.

You followed his gaze down before twisting your hand around. “Are you trying to ask if you can hold my hand?”

He frowned, it was even more embarrassing for you to catch onto him...

“So that’s what it was?” You pulled his hand away from his mouth, pulling it up to your lips. “That’s not bad, it’s cute.”

You gave a quick peck to his knuckles, making him let out a flustered noise he tried to eat up with a cough. His brows knitted together as he tried his best to look away, he must have felt overwhelmed or something, your hands were cold but so much warmth spread through his arm.

You two hadn’t held hands in so long, it was like that first sip of drinking cold water on a hot day. You were refreshing, well needed company after a long day.

He intertwined your hands correctly, fingers wrapped up in each other, held inbetween the center of you both.

“I missed you.” He whispered.

You grinned as you squeezed his hand, “I missed you too.”

He let out a sigh, letting the corners of his mouth twitch into a smile as you two stared at each other. The crickets cooed and the wind wisped soundly against the grass, if you listened closer you could hear the whirring of cars on the main roads.

You turned your head closer to his, looking up to him as you cupped his cheek. Your eyes danced over every feature of his face as he looked down at you with his glossy, painted like eyes.

He leaned down, fluttering his pretty lashes shut as you pulled him in closer. Up until your lips touched, a light butterfly kiss that felt like a small cloud graced your face. You could feel him smiling the second your lips touched, his hands moved to your waist, pulling you in just a tad bit deeper.

Your lips were soft, pushing onto his with a gentle squish. He was a little too excited for this. But who could blame him? With the way you touched him it made him warm on the inside, you had him wrapped around your finger with every smooch.

You grazed his cheek with your hands pressing kisses all over his face. He felt himself go weak under your fingertips, every press of your lips against his face made his heart rise into his throat.

How did he get someone like you?

This felt right to him, pulling you away from friends for a night time kiss felt needed. You pulled away, tapping his cheeks while he blinked his eyes open.

His eyes glided over your features, the moon highlighting every lovely aspect of your face. He ran his thumb over your cheek, making space, about to give you one more kiss before he heard a gasp.

“Fushiguro you creep! What are you doing!?”

The two of you flipped around to see Nobora with Itadori trailing right behind her. Itadori’s face dropped open while Nobora’s face twisted into itself.

“Yeah Fushiguro, get it!” Itadori pumped his fist up and down.

You were blinking and taking in your surroundings, one second you were being romantic with your boyfriend, the next you were caught by your friends. You looked between the two wondering where they even came from.

“Why are you guys out here?”

“I didn’t tell you what sida to get and you two were taking a long time!” Nobora pinched your cheek until you apologized.

You rubbed the side of your face as you checked your pocket for change, you forgot she sent you out here. You were too caught up in this quiet boy’s eyes to realize people could have gotten suspicious if you didn’t hurry.

You sighed, nothing you could do now, Itadori was already embarrassing Megumi and you couldn’t help but giggle. As hectic as this situation was, at least now you two could show a tad more affection in public. Nothing more than holding hands, but this reaction from the two wasn’t bad.

You cocked your head, though sweet, this situation felt a little too calm… you looked around as you thought of something that was missing in this situation, like an almost full puzzle piece with one left to fill.

Itadori sighed, “I can’t believe Fushiguro started dating before us…”

“Right it’s not fair…” Nobora nodded solemnly.

Megumi scoffed as the two moped. Scolding them for ‘not minding their business’ as you laughed at them. It was so cute seeing your friends like this over your secret relationship, you couldn’t help but feel a tad bit happy your secret was released.

That was until you heard shuffling from around the corner. You all turned your heads until you heard a voice.

“Did I hear Megumi and dating in the same sentence?” Gojo slipped from the deep dark shadows below, a goofy smile wrapped around his cheeks.

Ah there it is, the missing piece.

[maskyartist]

Just some random thoughts while I try n make this a thing, gotta put em on paper to see if they make sense yknow?

Okay now m thinkin of the implications so-

The thing about my Roman Lives AU is that Neo is also still alive. Roman never saw her body so he never assumed her dead, never count your bodies n all that. He had hope, a reason to keep going, a will to live in her potentially being alive.

That’s why he works with Ruby. That’s why he’s so willing to try at this good guy crap. For just a chance at finding her. It’s a low chance, but it’s something and that’s better then nothing.

But if Neo dies…all bets are off. Because that is Ruby’s fault. And Cinder’s. Cinder for letting them play pawns, and Ruby for pulling the trigger.

Now it’s just revenge that fuels him. A need to get back at those who hurt the only light he had in this shitty world. His star was snuffed out and he won’t let the world forget it.

He keeps Neo’s necklaces, along with keeping Hush on his person. He can duel wield with the best of em just fine, and a shield is always welcome.

Tbh I don’t think he ends up really picking a side, or at least he doesn’t fully assign himself to Cinder’s team. But he does work with her. Tries to take her down from the inside because lord knows he can’t defeat her with those Maiden powers of hers. She at least fills him in on what the goal here is now, and that’s all Roman needs to know.

Stealing relics? Starting an endless war? He doesn’t give a shit. If it gets him closer to that stupid brat who took away his spark he’ll do whatever.

He’s still the kingpin we know and love. His connections spread far in Remnant, he even had contacts in Atlas and Vacuo. They’re not entirely safe no matter where they go.

Roman and Neo are similar enough that I fully believe he’d go down that revenge path just like her, with just that same, If not more narrowed in, tunnel vision

In Ever After I like to think Roman’s semblance does evolve like Neo’s did, but in a different way. Instead of creating illusions, he can speak things into life and command people. Similar to Sherbet’s semblance, he just doesn’t need to mention how he sees them. Simply says it and it’ll be there.

All he has to do is say “Oh, Neo?” And she’ll be right by his side, smiling oh so sweetly at him.

And with his commands, it’s less like Marrow’s “stay” and more whatever he says, as long as he’s focused on one person, they must obey. Their bodies will follow his command and if it’s a mental thing, their brains will shift to make it make sense. His semblance is strong in Ever After. He’s so powerful there. He can finally get what he wants.

…he just wishes it didn’t all feel so damn empty.

why didn’t I think about an AU where Neo dies n Roman lives instead?

[the-cult-of-russo]

gotta know how u think billy would be as a dad with his kids :D

I had so many requests for Dad!Billy headcanons 😭

I hope you're ready for this chaotic ramble.

Please remember this is my Billy I'm writing

-

You know those parents who take like a million pictures of their kid and show them to everyone? The kind that talks about their kid nonstop to anyone who'll listen? Their family, friends, the poor random old lady at the store that just wants to buy some damn milk.

That's Billy.

He's such an unbelievably proud parent, his pride for his kids knows no bounds. It doesn't even need to be some kind of milestone worth celebrating, everything his kid does makes him proud. You better believe when his baby has an explosive crap and ruins their clothes, he's boasting about it the next day to Frank and the guys at Anvil.

-

He's incredibly protective. Murder is a possibility if his kids in danger. He wants nothing more than to keep his kids safe. If they're being bullied, it takes all of his willpower to stop himself from kicking the kids ass for doing that to his kid. He's not above picking a fight with the bullies dad though if they don't get their little shit head in check and also making it known to the principle that this shit won't fly with him.

~

"Mr Russo, I don't think you understand how serious this is. Your son broke a kids nose," the principle mutters with a glare.

Billy tilts his head, regarding the teacher with those unsettling eyes that has the old man squirming in his seat.

"You’re damn right he did," Billy replies seriously, a proud tone to his voice. His dark eyes cut to his left where his son is, practically his double. As Billy smirks, unable to help himself, his son wears the same one although he's lowering his head to hide his amusement.

"We don't tolerate that behaviour here, Mr Russo," the principle huffs. Billy's eyes harden then as his eyes narrow, sitting forward in his chair just the right amount to be imposing. The second the man leans back he knows it worked.

"You know what I don't tolerate? My kid bein' bullied. You assholes won't do shit to stop it, so I say let the little fucker get a taste of his own medicine. Serves him right for messin' with a Russo," he smirks wickedly.

~

He teaches them self defence, wanting them to be able to look after themselves if it ever came down to it. Naturally, for their 16th birthday, they're gifted with a big ass knife.

-

Billy as a dad is so stupidly soft.

We all remember the scene from the show, right? Where he's in the hospital with his mom and he says;

"Maybe you did me a solid, you know? I mean, the way I see it, you want weak kids, give 'em everything. But if you... if you want 'em strong... treat 'em hard."

When he has a kid of his own he realises just what utter garbage this is. The idea of all the shit he's been through making him into the tough son of a bitch he is today is born from trauma that he still hasn't dealt with. The way his brain tries to rationalise what he went though. To make it make sense instead of it being so goddamn senseless.

But if he's honest, more than he'd like to admit, he finds himself wondering just what his life would have been like if he grew up in a loving home. What it would be like to feel wanted and cared for. To rise to the top being helped and cheered on by others instead of clawing his way there with bloodied and dirty fingers, the weight of the world bearing down on him as he's beat down at every turn.

He never wants his kids to feel that way. Not even a fraction of how unloved and unwanted he felt. He does everything in his power to make sure they know just how much he cares about them. There's literally nothing he wouldn't do for his kids. They could turn up at home one day and confess to a murder and Billy wouldn't hesitate to ask where the body is so he can handle it for them.

-

Billy is ridiculously sentimental when it comes to his kids. Drawings go up on the fridge and when a new one takes its place, the old one goes into a box of many others that he can't seem to ever throw away. He has multiple pictures of his kids at his office, even some framed cute drawings they did for him. He's kept all the mementos from the pregnancy, birth and onwards. They're his little treasures.

-

Billy is super supportive of everything his kids do. He makes sure they get a good education but he never pushes them to do something they don't want to do. Despite the large college fund he's got for them, if they choose not to go to college, he doesn't pressure them. Instead, whatever hopes and dreams they have, he does everything in his power to support and help them. Whether that's moral and emotional support, money or even breaking a few jaws of people standing in their way.

-

Let's look a little bit at how he is throughout some of the ages of his kid.

Billy with a baby is a sight to behold. No one has ever seen Lieutenant William Russo so goddamn soft. Once he's got hold of his baby, you've got no chance of getting them back off him. You'd have to fight him. He adores holding his little one close, soaking them in. He's constantly holding them no matter what he's doing and baby carriers and wraps are a godsend to him. You'd heard about them from a friend and told Billy and you better believe by the time the baby's born that he's an expert on all things baby wearing. He's a perfectionist and carrying a baby wrong can be dangerous. He makes sure he knows how to do it right.

Just as he has little affectionate touches for you, he has the same for his baby. His large hand stroking their tiny head and little hair. His finger stroking their chubby little cheek. He's a tactile person and touch is grounding for him. It soothes him to do so with his baby and reassures him they're really there and that they're okay.

He's super attentive. Of course he works a lot but as soon as he becomes a dad, he doesn't stay late anymore and makes sure to have days off. The second he comes home, he's making a beeline for his baby, scooping them up with a grin. He loves to read to them, something that continues as they grow up. His weekends used to be restful or if he was feeling like a masochist, he'd work from home. But now weekends are his time to shine. By the time you wake up on a Saturday morning, he's already up with the baby, making you breakfast as he's got the baby attached to him via baby carrier.

As his baby grows into a toddler, each milestone makes him tearful and full of pride. He kisses any booboos that happen and he's constantly playing with his child. He has a pretty silly side to him that most don't get to see. Making his kid laugh and smile brings him the greatest joy.

He loves taking his toddler to the office with him. Everyone dotes on his kid and treats them like royalty.

When they turn into a small child, he watches with a proud smile and amusement as his kid wants to fight with his men, watching them 'beat' the shit out of them. The guys at Anvil are more than happy to very dramatically go down, and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when the tiny Russo grins smugly at their 'win'.

Their first day at school and Billy's a mess. It's such a turning point and he doesn't know how to deal with how fast their growing up. But every achievement at school, even minor ones, and he's showering them with praise.

He encourages them to work hard and as soft as he might be, he is still the boss. He makes sure they do their homework and don't fall behind on their studies.

One thing Billy loves is teaching his kids stuff. Whether that's mundane stuff to help with school or teaching them shit he knows like survivalist things, because you can never be too prepared, right? He loves helping them with school projects and answering any questions they might have about one of the many things he's knowledgeable about.

When his kids moves onto those hard teenage years, the ones where everything feels so dramatic and world ending, he's a little tougher when it calls for it. Billy is no novice to rebellion, he has a rebellious streak of his own and marches to the beat of his own drum half the time. He respects that. What he doesn't respect or tolerate is behaviour that's going to fuck his kid over in the long run or self sabotage. He will be firm and a hard ass if he needs to be to keep his kids on a path where they don't get hurt or ruin their life.

Billy has a zero tolerance policy on drugs. After the shit with his mother, he won't budge on this. If he finds out his kid is dabbling in drugs, they're grounded until they're old enough to move out.

-

No matter what age his kids are, Billy loves them immensely. He wants to be the father he wished he'd had growing up and he pours all of his anguish and pain from his upbringing into it. Channeling it into the purest form of love for his kids. To break the curse that had hold of him. He won't perpetuate the cycle.

Being a father brings him a sense of completeness and peace he didn't think was possible for him to achieve. It fills the void that's been eating away at his soul from his lack of love as a child and he loves every second of being a parent. Even the hard moments.

-

Bonus:

The Russo's and the Castle's go on monthly camping trips together. Billy loves the outdoors, the mild survivalist feelings he gets from it without the real danger. He loves taking his kids there, teaching them everything. In his role as dad and uncle, he sits around the camp fire at night, the light of the flames dancing along his face as he very theatrically tells the kids a spooky story.

You and his kids are his immediate family but the Castle's are his family too. So he really loves it when you all get to spend time together like that.

[pineappleoracle]

can i hear more about hybrids n stuff? i love these and i’m keeping all the links to them in a folder so i can come back to them :D

I THOUGHT I ALREADY POSTED THIS I JUST DISCOVERED IT IN MY DRAFT IM SO SORRY ANON

holy crap its been AGES i hope whoever sent that ask still sees this

lets talk about my ideas for hybrids n stuff :D this time with some illustrations!

as i mentioned in those End hcs, "hybrid" refers to two wildly different things: mob hybrids and actual hybrids in the real sense of the word

but first to explain both of those, i'll have to explain how new players even... happen

because sure, there's the way we are used to, two people with compatible reproductive organs love each other very very much, but then since this is still minecraft and the universe still works like a really weird game, there's also the second option: spawning

Spawning: It can happen that players, just like mobs, simply... spawn into existence. It's quite rare in modern times, since there seems to be a "player cap" which means spawning can only happen in areas with very few to no other players. They don't spawn in as newborn babies of course, that'd severely limit survival chances. Spawned players seem to appear at ages between 10 and 20 years on average, but never too young (or too old) to be completely unable to fend for themself. They know how to speak and have at least basic reading skills from the start, along with enough general knowledge of the world to survive. It's pretty much seen as a fact that the ancestors of at least all modern player species were spawned players, created by the universe to fill the suddenly so empty world again. (if the ancient civilizations spawned or somehow evolved from mobs is hotly debated)

Spawned players are the origin of the Mob Hybrids. Their distant ancestors simply spawned into the world with their player code mixed with that of a mob and then evolution took over from there. (Suggesting somebody is a mob hybrid due to having a human and a mob parent is in fact seen as a huge insult, if not worse) What kind of mob traits mob hybrids have can differ by a lot, but more on that later.

"True Hybrids", as they're sometimes called, are on the other hand always the result of two different player species having a child together. The more different the species of the parents are, the less likely they are to have a child who is a hybrid with an equal amount of traits from both. (Basically, if the real world animal counterparts can have hybrid kids, a minecraft hybrid player is almost 100% guaranteed to happen too)

But why are true hybrids so relatively rare? What happens when the child doesn't turn out to be a mix of their parents?

- Depending on the specific species situation, it's very likely the child will simply default to the species of one parent with maybe a few minor traits of the other (these minor traits then only have a very low chance of being passed on further, and the chance decreases even more with every following generation)

- The code gets overwhelmed with all the different species information and corrupts. This gets exponentially more likely the more different species are mixed together, which is why hybrids of more than two species are EXTREMELY rare. Now corrupted species code sounds incredibly serious, but player code as a whole is a very robust thing. In the case of hybrid code corruption? The code still knows the player is supposed to be a hybrid of some sort, but what kind is lost, so it simply... hits the randomizer. The child can physically be any possible species of mob hybrid, completely unrelated to the parents in that regard. (Instincts can still be a bit scrambled, brains are very complex things)

Here now are a few graphs on this stuff:

^Animal species closely related, hybrid child very likely

^Possible results of two very different species having a child

^Example family:The child of two wildly different hybrids with no species in common is basically guaranteed to result in code corruption and a randomized species

Now then, with all of this established, lets talk about some more Hybrid things!

First of all: While yes, player code is very robust, that doesn't mean its extremely resistant to corruption happening in the first place - rather, its really good at fixing any corruption. But fixing doesn't always mean returning things to their previous state. And magic, if used right - or completely wrong - can corrupt player code in really specific ways. If species code corruption happens to a player after birth, this can lead to completely random changes to their appearance (though completely changing species is almost impossible), but whether those changes can be passed on to descendants varies on a case to case basis. This is how curses that full-on alter a player's appearance function! Another thing intentional code corruption through magic can do is force dormant species traits to manifest in hybrids that otherwise wouldn't have, as these corruptions do not follow what's natural at all (which can lead to interesting things like extra limbs/eyes/mouths).

There is a completely natural and much more mild version of “code corruption” too, which occurs so frequently its not even seen as a glitch and is instead called “unlocking”! Magic is an extremely common thing in the world, being basically energy capable of altering the code of reality, but there’s both hotspots and places with almost none. Servers, since they are created with magic, are always hotspots, while the bigger and older a player settlement in the greater minecraft world the more likely it is to be a magic desert - that’s because players, no matter the species, absorb tiny bits of magic over time. If someone from a big city (or anywhere outside the servers and not near a different type of magic hotspot, if they’re young enough) moves to living on a server, it then very commonly happens that they suddenly develop hybrid traits after some time, despite previously appearing to not be a hybrid at all (they don’t have to appear to be human, though that’s most common). Their bodies suddenly have magic to absorb, and that magic ends up being just enough to bring out dormant code, and suddenly they wake up one day with dog ears or sheep legs that they “unlocked” over night. (Compared to forceful code corruption, which is comparable to torture and treated as such, the unlocking process is almost without any discomfort and often happens unnoticed while the player is asleep)

A few more things about code corruption:

Shapeshifting is a result of species code being permanently glitched. (Is it a bug or a feature? Yes.) There are many different types of shapeshifters, some being independent species capable of passing their abilities on to their children and others the rare glitch resulting from hybrid parents. (Or mad scientists or evil corporations attempting to recreate the shapeshifting ability artificially to use for their own gain.) As a general rule, the stronger the shapeshifting ability, the more unhealthy it is, as it raises the risk of corrupting the player code further (like a rubber band, it can’t be stretched indefinitely and will eventually snap)

Void Walkers are the prime example of the rare case where hybridization somehow results in a separate, “stable” species. (Void Walkers started as hybrids of End Avians, Endermen and Shulker Hybrids.) This does not happen often and for some reason seems most common with End-related species, possibly due to how weirdly the Void affects code. Due to this origin, Void Walker hybrids are very rare, since they still somewhat count as hybrids as well. (And its the origin of their shapeshifting abilities!) This rule applies to all other species of hybrid origin too of course (for example, all other shapeshifter species).

While there’s many horror stories about laboratories full of terrible experiments attempting to find a reliable and controlled way of code corruption, The Watchers are the only ones besides powerful gods said to be capable of intentionally altering a player’s code to their whims. It’s said this is how they forcefully keep their dying kind alive, kidnapping players and making them one of their own.

And now, back to more general hybrid things!

Having the instincts of their mob counterpart(s) is usually the case for a hybrid, but unless in high stress situations, those instincts are easy enough to control or completely ignore.

Hybrid discrimination can occasionally happen in some places, but overall doesn’t, because hybrids are just so common its extremely rare for a place to just not have many. Getting kidnapped by someone wanting to do weird experiments however is more common, but is usually not because someone is a hybrid in general but because of what kind of hybrid they are. Shapeshifters living outside of servers especially have to worry about that sort of thing, since they’re such an unusual rarity.

When it comes to a specific classification, hybrids as a whole kind of count as one big species (like how “avian” is a blanket term for all the different avian species), but at the same time the different types of hybrids are usually identified by what mob(s) they’re hybrids of, since that of course leads to drastic differences in their biology. A dog hybrid and a creeper hybrid are both under the “hybrid” umbrella, but physically so different that considering them the same because of that would be silly.

Speaking of creeper hybrids, they’re a good example of Centaurism, called that because the origin of the word was simply calling horse and cow hybrids that had the four-legged lower body of the respective mobs “Centaurs”. Inspired by that, more and more words were invented for other passive mob hybrids with the same four-legged body shape, like deer hybrid centaurs being called cervitaurs, and so on. At some point “centaur” became an umbrella term for hybrids with the four-legged lower body of a mob because all those individual names were too many and too unintuitive over time. And some more time after that, scientists researching hybrids with unusually many limbs decided that “centaurism” should be the term to refer to a hybrid that has either four (or more) legs or four (or more) arms due to their mob side. (The unofficial term for the very rare hybrids with a code mutation that gives them both extra arms and extra legs, doubling the amount they should have is “octotaurs” (spider hybrids with four arms and four legs don’t count for example, as that still adds up to the amount of limbs that’s normal for them to have)). Creeper hybrids are often used as the main example for centaurism, as either variant of it is likely to happen for them, be it because creepers are facultative bipeds (quadrupeds that can also walk on only two legs and use their forelimbs like arms and hands when foraging) or because they are classified as a result of glitched code.

^An example illustration of the three most common body types for creeper hybrids (excluding the rare octotaurs): One with four limbs (two arms, two legs), one with six limbs (two arms, four legs) and another with six limbs (four arms, two legs).

And finally: In some cases it gets very hard to tell what’s a hybrid and what’s an independent species, especially in the case of Avians vs. bird hybrids. Some researchers even say there are no real bird hybrids because they all mixed with End Avians when some of those first came to the Overworld a long long time ago, while others argue that according to the rules of player spawning, there logically must be bird hybrids just like with every other mob. Similar heated debates are happening about merfolk and fish hybrids. Minecraft taxodermy taxonomy is an absolute mess.

[hxneekyuu]

accidental kiss || tsukishima kei, ennoshita chikara, miya atsumu, lev haiba

request :  Hey Can I request a headcanon or one shot with Haikyuu characters (any of your choices) having an accidental kiss with their crush, you know, the cliché romance scene in drama's where the girl fell and male catches her and end ups kissing, or something when the girl turn around not noticing the close distance between the male, and their lips touches. Anything that is accidental

warnings : miya atsumu, Suna Gets a Haircut

a/n : so i did one of those random hq generator things bc i could only decide on one boi and that was tsukki,,, the results made me laugh so here you go -- btw these are all gonna be pre-dating bc thats just wonderful we love that

tsukishima kei

this is definitely all tsukkis fault

you two are at your house just vibing and at some point you head into the kitchen to make food

and hes leaning against the counter right in front of the cabinet you need to get to

but he has the audacity not to move the fuck outta the way when you tell him you need to get past 

so youre like ok fuck it and just reach around him to open it 

but the bowl you need is pretty high up so youre like on your tippy toes tryna get the damn thing and hes just sitting there watching you struggle 

instead of helping you like he isnt damn near 6′3″

but riiiiight as youve got the bowl, you end up grabbing it a little too forcefully and you bring like a million dishes down with it 

so ofc even though he definitely deserves it, youre not trying to concuss the poor guy with literal ceramic dishes raining down on him 

so you kinda lunge forward to stop them all from falling 

and, hearing the crash of dishes over his head, he naturally ducks because he doesnt want to die

honestly,,,, its more of a crash of your noses and foreheads but theres such chaos of like,,, trying not to die?? 

that at some point you just feel his mouth on yours and it deadass just stays there while you both are figuring out what the hell is happening 

eventually he kinda pulls back but only a little bc he knows youre struggling to hold onto the dishes and he doesnt wanna screw that up

and he doesnt even say anything he just reaches up awkwardly and helps you set the dishes back on the shelf

and then he grabs the bowl youd been trying the get the entire time and hands it to you with a completely blank face 

its a very awkward dinner im not gonna lie

mostly bc at some point he just starts cracking jokes about it and refuses to acknowledge it seriously bc he sucks

ennoshita chikara

ennoshita’s taking a break from studying with the second years on the team

mostly bc he never gets any studying done with them 

so youre studying together for a test at his house

and its just been many many hours of studying so ofc youre both exhausted

so its not surprising to him when you just pass out on your notes

but the thing is,,, your heads right on top of a sheet that he needs

and for a while he just kinda studies without it

he studies other stuff and tries to remember it on his own so he can fill in the gap in his notes

but eventually hes like fuck i really need these notes

so he just,,, tries to slide it out from under your head really carefully

and it involves a lot of him getting really close and trying to lift your head and a bunch of really soft cute things that would be super embarrassing for him to be caught doing

like,,, if you happened to wake up

which of course, you do

and youre really confused bc you can feel his breath fanning over your face and his eyes are really close but not focused on you, theyre focused on smth under your face

so you lift your head to see what hes doing

but he freaks out and moves his face when he notices youre awake

and its just a litto brush of your lips over his as your faces are passing each other

but the poor bub jumps back like you just shocked the crap out of him

and then he apologizes for like the next ten minutes and its impossible to get back to studying bc youre both just panicking internally

miya atsumu

this literally happens like it does in the movies

it all starts with a chase scene

that really you should never have been a part of

youre just minding your business walking down the hall after school on your way to get your stuff

and its pretty empty bc you had a club thing so its late afternoon and no ones around

and you just hear it

men screaming

and then he appears, barreling around the corner like his life depends on it

and youre like

this cant be good

and when he sees you hes yelling out for you like HELP ME 

but you somehow always manage to get caught in the miya twin antics so youre like

fuck no im out

but apparently youre not out bc atsumus grabbing your arm and dragging you behind him yelling smth about scissors and a haircut

and when you look back you just see suna rounding the corner, half of his little triangle haircut chopped off so he looks like a sad half onigiri,,,

but you know it was atsumu and that this man is definitely dead when suna catches him

so youre like okay fuck it i guess im helping him AGAIN 

and you get outside to a section of the school where theres still sports teams practicing and lots of people around so you hide in a corner together

but the Suna Energy is approaching so atsumu fuckin freaks and does that cheesy movie thing where he ducks his head down so he wont be seen 

but theres like a group of guys passing by and one of them just bumps into atsumus back and that shit just sends him right into you

and all he can think is “oops”

he only has one brain cell give him a break

but he just stalls completely and forgets about the whole suna thing

but ofc his hair is fucking piss yellow and suna has not forgotten

he ends up totally getting his ass beat  but after that little smooch atsumus definitely a bit keen to see you more often 

lev haiba

i fucking love this gif look at the litto shoyou go

this tall babie does not know the meaning of personal space he has no functional understanding of a Bubble

honestly he probably gets dangerously close to kissing you on a regular basis, considering you’re seatmates in class

he’s just ALWAYS in your space

at first he’s probably shy bc he doesn’t know you

but once you become friends he’s like THIS IS NOT YOUR DESK THIS IS JUST MY SECOND DESK

so every day there’s always one thing that’s super dangerous

last week it was him looking over your shoulder while you did work silently

yesterday it was him reaching across you to open the window on your left side

today he just really wants a bite of the bread you bought and are currently already eating

and when he wants smth, he gets Very Whiny

he’s so clingy and adorable that you can’t ever get mad

he’s like a little puppy how can you resist him

so when you’re finally like okay fine you can have a bite he’s like

MONCH

he doesn’t even wait for you to tear off a piece he just leans in for a bite

but you had said yes while in the middle of biting it so he essentially does that thing where you’re both biting it at the same time

but, again, he doesn’t know what personal space means

so he also doesn’t have the ability to gauge distances well

so he straight up just meets you halfway and presses his mouth to yours while he’s biting down

the boi probably doesn’t even notice

he just pulls back quickly once he has his bite and goes about his life

you literally are going to have to tell him he just kissed you

and after that he’s a total fucking mess

he doesn’t know what to do he never knows what to do

he’s just going to keep causing Chaos while he panics

[ererokii]

Line without a Hook || E. Jaeger & J. Kirstein

➳ Jean Kirsten x Fem Reader x Eren Jaeger

Word count: 4,517 Warnings: angst, fluff, unrequited love, cursing ➳ note: this is based off the song Line Without a Hook by Ricky Montgomery! I’ve been thinking this for a long time and I’m super excited by how it came out! Also big thanks to @reddriot​ for betaing!

➳ Synopsis: is love really worth it? Let me say, it’s not always worth it.

You can hold my hand if no one’s home.

Do you like it when I’m away?

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

It starts out simple really. A boy and a girl. Childhood friends, to be precise. Those two are inseparable. Nothing can tear the friends apart, besides their parents, of course. Like two peas in a pod. 

Jean says he knows you like the back of his hand. He truly means that. He knows your favorite boy bands from when you were younger, how many terrible phases you’ve gone through, favorite foods, and places. If he wrote a novel about the things you told him, he would be a renowned author. 

Since kindergarten to now, in the middle of your junior year, you and Jean have been side by side. You told him everything. From random vents and gossiping about the rude girls in your class to how horrible your period cramps were— even though Jean hated hearing about the last, he stuck through it for you.

Only you. 

The pavement that followed the street your house was on is memorable. Jean can recall the amount of times you’ve had races, chalk scribbles covering the grey that would be washed away by the angry neighbors. 

He listens to you as you talk about a kid getting in trouble in your Calculus class, watches how lively your motions are as you speak. Jean can’t help but smile when a laugh slips past your lips and you glance at him. There’s an unknown sparkle in his eyes, one filled with love. 

You haven’t changed one bit, he thinks as he faces back forward, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. His mind begins to wander as you both continue down the pavement, part of your routine when school ends. 

Your houses are right next to each other. You’ve been with him since you were in diapers. He was there when your first tooth came out, congratulating you, and you were there for him when he finally learned to ride his bike with two wheels instead of three. 

The bubbly lovable five-year-old back then is the same as you are now. 

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Oh all my emotions

Feel like explosions when you are around

A sigh of disappointment leaves Jean’s lips when he listens to Connie talk about something he has learned over the weekend (something completely stupid— he just doesn’t care). Currently, the students are at lunch, the cafeteria full with loud shouts and random noises. 

“Connie, shut up,” Sasha groans, placing her water bottle on the table, wiping her crumbs off. “No one cares that you finally figured out how to stick a spoon to your nose.”

“What do you mean?! You were the one who showed me!”

The brunette gasps and looks over his way, cream cheeks tinted with an adorable shade of pink, pointing a finger at him. The bickering between the two commence as Jean listens, slightly amused. 

As much as he indulges in their argument, he can't help but wonder where you are. 

It’s not like you to skip lunch, especially without at least letting him know. Did you stay behind to talk to a friend? A teacher? Maybe you went to the bathroom.

But it’s at least 15 minutes in. 

“Sasha,” he speaks up, slicking back his hair. The sound of her name catches her attention, making her look at him. “Have you seen Y/N?”

“Y/N?” she asks in a whisper before her lips curl in a grin, already knowing why he asked. “Do you miss her?”

“Just answer my goddamn question!”

“Wait, what’s going on?” Connie asks, looking between his friends before stopping his gaze on Jean. “Why do you need Y/N?”

“Oh, you know! He lik-”

“Shut up!” Jean shouts, catching the attention of nearby students, his face heating up as his cheeks turn a darker pigment. “Just answer me!”

“If you must know,” she taunts him, twirling a strand of hair from her loose ponytail. “I saw her talking to someone in the hallway. Must be important, she’s been there for quite some time. Might want to be her knight in shining armor and saving her, huh?” she cocks her head to the side, staring at one of the windows in the room, watching as the branches of trees sway from the harsh winds. 

The atmosphere outside was cold, breezes rushing down on anyone who was not inside. The sun was hidden by the thick grey blankets filled with rainwater, waiting to shower the world. The temperature recently has been dropping, mid 50’s at least. The weather was a shock, to say the least. 

“I didn’t know Jean likes her!”

“What do you mean?!” Sasha gasps, turning her body to face her small-minded friend. “It’s only obvious! You must be really stupid then!”

“Well, how could you tell?!”

Before Jean has a chance to interrupt Sasha, she begins to rant. He prefers to stay silent, clasping his hands together in his lap as he lowers his head, finding interest in the marbled tiles of the floor his feet rest on. 

The words that slip past Sasha’s lips reach his ear and out the other. 

It’s easy to tell, Connie. Have you noticed the way he looks at her? Can’t you see the love in his eyes? The way he will actually go out of his way to help her with anything? Here you guys are, two close friends, I thought you would have known about his crush. I’m surprised you didn’t catch on every time he ditched plans with us to go hang out with her. He’s whipped, and you’re too stupid to know it. 

His cheeks turn a shade of pink as his eyes squeeze shut, her words replaying in his head like a broken record player. Each sentence is like a knife stabbing away at his brain, causing the slightest ache to form in his frontal region. 

She’s right. Anything she just said five minutes ago, is completely and utterly correct. 

He can still hear her talking about it to Connie, but he can only focus on three sentences that stick to him like glue. 

Have you noticed the way he looks at her? Can’t you see the love in his eyes? The way he will actually go out of his way to help her with anything?

Memories of him helping you in any possible way come to mind. He can’t recall how many times he has entered class two minutes late because you had so much to carry. 

He stares at you like you’re the only thing worth looking at. It reminds him of those cliche animated movies with hearts in the character's eyes. He’s blinded by his love for you, that he never noticed any signs that you don’t feel the same way about him. His heart races miles per hour when you’re around. Sometimes he worries for himself that maybe, his heart might explode within him. 

“Anyway, lunch has about 20 minutes left...where is she?” Connie mutters, scratching the top of his head.

“I don’t know, but,” Sasha grows quiet, listening to the ongoing thunder from the outside. The lights flicker for a second, a couple of yelps emitting from other students, slightly afraid that the power might go off while school is in session. “The storm is almost here.”

“Y/N!” Connie suddenly yells, pointing in the direction of the door, your body jogging closer to the table. “Where have you been?!”

“Sorry!” you laugh, out of breath as you drop your things on the bench, taking a seat beside Jean. “I got caught up in a conversation with someone! I guess I lost track of time for a bit.”

“I messaged you like four times,” Jean mutters, glancing over at you before looking at the table, playing with the plastic straw that he used to drink out of.

“You did?” you ask, pulling your phone out from your pocket, lips puckering when indeed he did so. “I’m sorry, Jean. I didn’t even feel my phone vibrate.”

“Oh, whatever, who cares! Eat! Or I’ll eat your food!” Sasha yells, pointing a finger at you, a smile gracing her features. 

You laugh along with her as you converse with your peers, the conversation you had replaying in the back of your mind. Jean chooses not to intervene, instead would rather listen. 

The roaring thunder plays in the background, everyone paying no mind to it. What he doesn’t know is that the storm is much closer than Jean could have thought. 

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Listen close, it’s a no

The wind is a pounding on my back

And I found hope in a heart attack

Oh at last, it is past

Now I’ve got it, and you can’t have it

Another evening, another study session, another day of bottling up his feelings until he can no longer hold them inside.

The storm made its way to shore, raining pouring down and even some hail; not what anyone was expecting. 

Jean mindlessly flips through the pages of his English book, not even paying attention to the words as he checks how many pages are in chapter five. 

“This seems pointless,” he adds with a sigh, tossing the book on your bed along with his highlighter he uses to annotate with. “I should just find a summary online or something, I don’t want to read this.”

“And why is that?” you ask, looking up from your book, placing the hardcover against your thighs. “Is it boring to you?”

“No,” he mutters, rolling onto his back. “It’s stupid. This love crap.”

“Well...it is a romance story, the teacher told us when we got the book. But why do you think it’s dumb?”

“He writes letters for her, and in the end, she ends up rejecting him. I don’t think that’s romantic.”

“And? It’s beautiful on his part,” you close your eyes as you stretch your arms over your head, letting out a grunt. “It’s the fact that he wrote to her every day. It’s like he poured his soul into every word. The words he uses are..literally everything. It makes me swoon over him, and he’s not real. Makes me wonder if someone would do that for me.”

Jean’s head perks up at your words, one of his eyebrows raised in curiosity when he notices the bashful look on your face, eyes averted to the comforter on your bed. “Why do you have that dopey look on your face?”

“Huh?!” your eyes are blown open as you look over at him. “What are you talking about?!”

“I’m talking about that, idiot,” he points at your face, watching your eyes cross faintly to stare at his finger. “You’re acting about that guy in the book.”

The patter of the rain is the only noise that fills the void called silence in your room. His warm eyes don’t leave your face at all, waiting for your answer. You’ve been acting weird ever since you were late to lunch this past week. 

He watches your mouth open as if you’ll say something but close it right away, like you were concealing anything you had to hide.

“...well? Y/N? Are you there?”

“Yeah!” you cough into your elbow, running a hand down your face. “I-- you can’t tell anyone.”

“You know I never tell anyone what we talk about.”

You’re silent, a bit too quiet than usual. You fiddle with your fingers before blurting the words that have been eating away at you. 

Jean’s heart stops for a moment, eyes wide in shock when he processes it. His blood runs cold as he’s unable to move, frozen like a statue. The signals in his brain begged him to respond, but he couldn’t. He could hear the faintest sound of bells ringing in his ears; all noise surrounding him was now drowned out by his thoughts. 

One second.

Two seconds.

Three seconds. 

“You like someone?” he asks in a whisper, barely audible to your ears, but you heard as you nod shyly, biting down on your lip. “Well... who is it?”

“That’s...I can’t say it.”

“Why can’t you?”

“I’m afraid to say it out loud because I don’t want to ruin my friendship with him.”

Friendship? That could be anyone at this point.

I have to figure out who, he thinks as he draws random patterns into the sheets. “Well, tell me about him then. Is he in our grade?” he asks.

“Yeah, he is. He’s in four of my classes.”

Jean was in four of your classes. Math, English, Foreign Language, and Science. 

“That’s it?”

You huff, rolling your eyes. “Can I finish before you interrupt? Thank you.”

You pause momentarily before speaking again.

“He’s stubborn. I’ve noticed that his demeanor changes when it depends on who he is with. He seems like a hardass and looks like he doesn’t want to be bothered, but he seems like a total softie when he’s with people he loves. Not to mention he’s hot...and tall. He’s blunt and straight to the point. He doesn’t bullshit at all. He’s really sweet as well, to me. He always goes out of his way to make sure I’m okay and how my day was. He just..he seems to care for me, and I feel the same way about him.”

Jean takes every word you say into consideration. He’s stubborn, it seems that he doesn’t like to be around people he doesn’t know but loves those he does know. He knows he’s hot. Practically every day he looks at himself in the mirror and thinks about how good he looks.

He’s blunt and straight to the point. He doesn’t bullshit at all. He’s really sweet as well, to me. He always goes out of his way to make sure I’m okay and how my day was. He just..he really seems to care for me, and I feel the same way about him.

Jean can feel his doubt and worry turn into happiness and confidence as you keep on ranting, to which he’s not fully paying attention anymore. He knows it's him. It has always been him.

No one else.

Jean likes you.

And you like Jean, that’s all there is to it. 

“Do you want to tell him?”

“Yeah...” you trail off, scratching the nape of your neck. “I want to tell him on Friday after school. Do you think he’ll like me back?”

“I think he would. How could he not? He would be a total idiot to reject you.”

You hum at his reassurance, placing your hand on his, squeezing gently.

“Thanks, Jean.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

Darling when I’m fast asleep

I've seen this person watching me

Saying, “Is it worth it? Is it worth it?”

Tell me, is it worth it?

Friday comes, and Jean can hardly wait for school to end. He’s not paying attention, his eyes constantly staring from the whiteboard in the front to the clock that tauntingly ticks slower than usual. 

He bites down on the pink end of his pencil in anticipation, tapping his foot repeatedly on the floor, the noise resonating through the classroom. 

Maybe I should just keep my eyes off the clock, he thinks, lowering his head back to the worksheet their teacher gave the class.

Econ class was a drag. He could care less about the differences in macro and microeconomics, the same with Communism and Capitalism. It’s just a bunch of words that don’t make sense to his brain. 

This was one of the classes he didn’t have with you, the last class. 

Instead of doing his worksheet (luckily, the teacher said it would be for homework if it wasn’t finished), Jean proceeded to think about ways he could tell you his feelings.

He could be old fashioned, tell you how much he adores you and how happy you make him feel when you’re around. How his heart can be heard from the outside of his body, how his hands got warm and clammy, maybe sweaty when he became too nervous.

Or

He could ask you out on a date. Take you somewhere, one of the places you’ve told him in the past that would make a great date for you. He smiles when he thinks about taking you downtown at night, looking at the soft lights that would brighten the streets; loving the sparkle in your orbs as you look around in awe. 

He hums, pleased with himself when he figures out what he’ll do, scratching the back of his ear. 

He wonders if you’re thinking the same thing.

-

You glance at your table partner, looking at his piece of paper before looking down at yours, displeased how his is able to look better than yours. You pick up your eraser, gently wiping the shadings away from your drawing, careful not to crease your paper.

“It’s not that hard you know, you just don’t know how to shade.”

“I know how to shade, Eren,” you reply with a huff, placing your eraser back down. “It’s just...this is a bit harder than usual.”

“All you have to do is follow the markings,” he presses the edge of his drawing pencil against the reference photo both of you are using, tracing the shape of it. “You could honestly just copy the photo, I doubt this woman would even notice.”

You chuckle at his choice of words, shifting in your seat to get comfortable. “I don’t think she would anyway. She just stares at it and calls it an A. I bet for our expressive project, she wouldn’t notice if we copied each other.”

He shakes his head with a smile, the loose strands of his hair swaying with his head movement. “No, she wouldn’t,” he rolls the sleeves of his hoodie to his elbows, grabbing his pencil again. “Then again, we are working on it with each other.”

“Speaking of that, what should we do?”

“Up to you, Y/N. I don’t mind. I’m just trying to pass this stupid class anyway.”

You relish in the silence between you as you gaze at him from your peripheral. You take notice how his hair frames his face effortlessly to the dip in his nose. It’s perfect how it forms to his cupid’s bow to his lips; not too big nor too small either. Just right. 

You clear your throat, scratching at the nape of your neck. “Why not do...stages of love?”

That catches his interest.

“Stages of love?” he asks, moving in his chair to face you, a hand propping his head up. “Elaborate?”

“Like you know...how we gain a crush on someone. We like how they make us feel, and soon we think about them some more. Maybe make little scenarios in our head. Then we gain the crush and want to be around them. You know what I mean, right?”

He’s silent, hues that represent the blue of rivers, boring into your own. At first, you think he hates your idea, but then the corner of his lips curls into his infamous grin. “Yeah, I like that. Did you have anything else in mind?”

“Maybe...rejection?”

“Rejection?” he repeats, a bit shocked at how romantic your words were, to something filled with sadness. “And why would you want to do rejection?”

“W-Well,” you stutter, unsure how you should put it. “Everyone always talks about the good in love but never the bad. And I think it could be done good, you know?”

He hums, scratching away at his chin before nodding. “Yeah, alright. That sounds oddly specific, but I like it. We can honestly get started soon, that way, we can finish faster and not worry about it.”

His smile throws you for a loop, your face heating up as you pick up your pencil, trying to distract yourself. 

“Say, Y/N?”

“Yes, Eren?” you reply a bit too quickly, cursing yourself out internally for sounding too desperate. 

“Can we talk?” his cheeks are a shade of pink, his eyes averted as he plays with one of the strings of his hood, reminding you how a child would distract themselves. The tips of his shoe nudge against yours, barely kicking gently.

“Aren’t we talking right now?”

“No, I mean after school.”

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

And in my eyes, there is a tiny dancer

Watching over me, he’s singing, 

Jean storms out of his Econ class with a grin, hands gripping onto the straps of his backpack as he looks down one end of the hallway before going down the other direction. The art room was three classes down his. Usually, Jean will wait right there by the door for you since you take ages to finally leave the classroom. 

When Jean finally reaches the room, he sees that the doors are locked, and the lights inside are off.

Huh, that’s weird, you’re always one of the last to leave, nor are you ever this early. 

He stands there for a few more seconds, peering in through the small glass, and sees nothing before taking a step back and quickly continues to walk down the hall. His legs are quicker, going down the two flights of stairs. 

His eyes frantically search for the yellow shirt you wore, unable to find you anywhere. 

“Sasha!” he calls out once he reaches the end of the stairs, running towards the girl and their friend, who was at the lockers, pulling things she needed to take home for the weekend. 

The brunette looks over her shoulder, stopping her conversation with Connie as she shuts her locker. “Yeah, Jean?”

He pants, leaning on his knees before letting out a deep breath and standing straight up. “Have you seen Y/N?”

She ponders for a while before shaking her head, looking over at Connie, who shakes his head, shrugging. “We haven’t seen her since Art class.”

“You didn’t see where she went at all?”

The events before class ending play in her mind before she gasps, snapping her fingers, pointing up at Jean. “Yeah, I know where she went!”

“...are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to guess?!”

She mocks him for a second before pulling her phone out. “I could have seen her leave with Eren. I think they went to the bench in the back. You know the one I’m talking about?”

He’s taken aback for a moment before shaking his head, retaining the information. “Alright, thanks.”

Why would you even be with Eren right now? You never meet with him after-

“Are we still on for this weekend?!” Connie yells when Jean is making his way down the corridor.

“Yeah, we are!” Jean's voice travels through the air, reaching both of his friends, hands clammy as they’re shoved in the front pocket of his pants. 

The walk to the back courtyard was tiresome. His feet seemed to drag behind him, an aching feeling forming in his gut. Thoughts pounded against his skull repeatedly, trying to force him to stop. He wants to stop, but he has to go.

He has to tell you he loves you. 

He can’t help but smile when you describe the boy you like this week. In his mind and most certainly his heart, he was the king of the world sitting on his high horse as he screamed in victory, letting the whole world know that the person he likes, feels the same way about him. 

The fresh air from the outside meets his nostrils as he deeply inhales, allowing it to enter his body before exiting. The sun is the first thing he meets with as he exits the building, bringing a hand up to shield his eyes away from the harsh light. He mutters something under his breath as he looks around for a second. 

“She’s a,

She’s a lady and I’m just a boy”

His honey orbs finally stop on a bench where you and Eren are seated, that’s not too far away, but his body is hidden from your view. He lets out a sigh of relief, leaves crunching underneath his feet as he walks, not taking long strides, rather walking slow to rethink what he’ll say.

“Y/N, I’ve liked you for a long...no,” he mutters, stopping in his tracks as he looks down at the green grass and leaves, kicking away at them. “I’ve loved- no, that sounds a bit aggressive, goddammit,” he groans, tugging at the roots of his hairs. “Why is this so fucking hard?!” he growls underneath his breath, leaning against the brick wall. 

He never was anything else but honest with you. How could he say it?

What if this ruins your relationship?

...what if you liked Eren?

His breath hitches in his throat when realization dawns on him. His lips part, a soft exhale releasing from within him. His fingers curl around nothing, as if he was holding the air’s hand. The tips of his fingers shake, his whole body stiffening as he stares hard at nothing. 

How could he be so stupid?

It all made sense now. How you stayed behind during lunch that one time without saying anything; in the back of his mind that day, he knew that someone had to be a boy, maybe a girl. Even then, you would always let him know. 

Jean should have known from the beginning that you only saw him as a brother. 

His chest aches as his vision goes blurry, biting down on the inside of his lip to the point where he can taste the bitter metallic on his tongue. He squeezes his eyes shut before opening, wishing he hadn’t at that moment. 

He’s singing

“She’s a, she’s a lady and I am just a line without a hook.”

His heart breaks, stomach-dropping when he sees Eren’s hand brings you closer to his body, lips pressed up against yours; your hand placed on his cheek, cradling his face. Even from where he stands, he can sense the urgency in the kiss, how your bodies move together as one, how your fingers grip onto him like he’ll leave any moment. 

His lower lip quivers for a second, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, clearing his throat. Jean cranes his neck upward, looking at the sky, muttering the words, “Why him?” over and over like a mantra, no other words coming to mind. 

When he closes his eyes, all he can see is you. Not Eren, just you. Those moments where you laugh, cry, or stay silent, those are the moments that flash in his head.

Did he do something to you? Was it something he said?

Did you ever like him at all?

“It’s pointless,” he whispers, pushing himself off the brick wall, immediately making a beeline for the doors. He swallows harshly, legs moving faster than ever, wanting to get out of this hell hole called reality. 

Like every day, you’ll walk down the same pavement you’ve been walking on for years.

Only this time, he’s walking alone. 

Oh, and if I could take it all back

I swear that I would pull you from the tide. 

☽✧ ✦ ✧☾

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