#and then months or even years later in a big character moment I can completely destroy the tension with

[bliamapriori]

(Belated) Lexember Day 20

/bɔb huː/

bob hŵ

“to flick, nick, chip”

Language: Elven or Elvish Natively Known as: En H’iowith Ebrâth or The True Tongue Spoken Commonly by (but not limited to): Elves of Faerûn Setting: *Forgotten Realms [*Homebrewed for Character Backstory but built upon words in the Forgotten Realms wiki.]

Etymology: USED IN; nârbob (flint)

Conjugation: Infinitive: bob hŵ Past Single First Person: bob Second Person: bobai Third Person M: bobich Third Person F: bobish Third Person N: bobith

Past Dual First Person M: bobwr First Person F: bobir First Person N: bobar Second Person: bobair Third Person M: bobic Third Person F: bobmi Third Person N: bobti

Past Plural First Person M: bobwn First Person F: bobin First Person N: boban Second Person: bobaith Third Person: bobin

Non-Past Single First Person: bob sa Second Person: bobai sa Third Person M: bobich sa Third Person F: bobish sa Third Person N: bobith sa

Non-Past Dual First Person M: bobwr sa First Person F: bobir sa First Person N: bobar sa Second Person: bobair sa Third Person M: bobic sa Third Person F: bobmi sa Third Person N: bobti sa

Non-Past Plural First Person M: bobwn sa First Person F: bobin sa First Person N: boban sa Second Person: bobaith sa Third Person: bobin sa

[meazalykov]

switching leagues

jessie fleming x actress!reader

summary: jessie feels the same frustrations as you do.

back at ucla, you first noticed jessie because she was that quiet, intense girl with a soccer ball under her arm and her headphones on, always looking like she had somewhere important to be. 

she was a star on the field, and you were captivated, especially during one game when she completely dominated, her focus and skill undeniable. 

after the game, a mutual friend introduced you, and you were immediately drawn to her warmth and quiet confidence.

the weeks that followed were full of late-night study sessions, long conversations, and games where you cheered her on from the stands. she started coming to your theatre performances, too, even when they meant sitting through hours of experimental plays or improv. 

overtime, you guys started dating. it's been three years with the canadian and you both had big dreams, with her on the verge of a professional soccer career and you ready to dive headfirst into the world of acting.

in 2018, you got your big break with stranger things, and within months of season three’s release in 2019, your life changed. fans loved your character, heather, and suddenly, everywhere you went, people recognized you. 

jessie was there, watching from across the ocean after joining chelsea in london in 2020. you visited as often as you could, but with each year, the goodbyes got harder. juggling your career with twelve-hour flights became a challenge, and though you were proud of jessie and everything she’d achieved, the longing for a life together poked at you.

during a recent visit to london, you sit down with her in the dim light of her apartment, trying to find the right words.

“jess, i don’t know how much longer i can keep doing this,” you admit, fingers fiddling with the hem of your sleeve as you glance up at her.

she watches you, her brown eyes soft, concerned. 

“what do you mean… like… the long distance?”

“yeah. it’s…hm.. every time i come here, i feel like i’m stealing little moments of a life that could be ours,” you say, sighing. 

“and then i go back to la, and it’s like i’m just waiting to see you again. i know it sounds selfish, but… it’s hard seeing other people moving in together, planning their lives with their partners.”

she nods slowly, looking down. 

“i get it. and it’s not selfish. honestly… i feel it, too. every time you leave, it just feels like something’s missing.” she sighs, leaning back against the couch. 

“sometimes i wonder if… maybe i’m holding onto something that’s keeping me from what i actually want.”

you look at her, heart pounding. 

“jessie, what are you saying?”

“i'm saying i might not renew my contract with chelsea…” she shrugs, giving you a small, almost shy smile. 

“i’ve been thinking about it. my contract’s ending soon, and if i stayed, it’d mean more of this… this distance but if there’s a way for us to be together, really together, i think that’s what i want now.”

the relief in your chest is immediate, and you can’t help the way your face lights up. 

“jessie, i can’t believe… you’d do that?”

she reaches over, taking your hand in hers. 

“i would. for us.”

a few weeks later, you’re back in los angeles, barely holding yourself together after reading a script from a commercial you’re casted in. 

as you decide to put the stack of papers down to take a break, there’s a knock at your door. you’re not expecting anyone, so you’re surprised to open it and find jessie standing there, holding a suitcase, her face glowing with excitement.

“jessie? what… what are you doing here?” your eyes flick to her suitcase, heart pounding.

“hey,” she says softly, her smile widening. 

“i have some news.”

your heart races as she pauses, letting you soak in the moment. “so, i’m not with chelsea anymore. i signed with the portland thorns,” she finally says, biting her lip like she’s holding back a huge grin.

“wait… you’re… you’re back? like, for good?” you barely dare to believe it, eyes widening as you look from her to the suitcase.

she laughs, stepping inside and setting her bag down. 

“yeah, i’m back. i mean, i’ll still be based in portland, but it’s only a two-hour flight. and i thought… maybe we could finally talk about moving in together?”

you pull her into a hug, holding her close as her words sink in, feeling the warmth of her body against yours after so long. 

“jessie, i can’t believe you actually did this.”

she laughs, wrapping her arms around you tighter. 

“believe it, love. i’m here. and this time, i’m staying.”

masterlist

[nuka]

Call me delulu, but I woke up with hope in my heart today.

It's only been 2 months since the show was cancelled. WBD is run by an incompetent fool. WBD previously said they'd sell Coyote vs. Acme, but then made it impossible for anyone to buy it. All streaming services are struggling financially at the moment.

Daddy Jenkins had to tell us we've reached the end of the road, because that's the reality right now. Either WBD made it impossible for anyone to buy the show, or the actual realistic price was just too high for other streamers at the moment even if they wanted to buy it. “Many complimentary meetings, conversations, etc” sounds like someone was interested.

DJ and everyone else who worked on the show need to be able to move on, so they can make a living from other projects. They’ve all been holding their breath just in case they can start filming after all. The fans need to move on in the sense that we can't expect a renewal "any day now", like we did for 2 months. We can still hope that we'll see season 3 one day, but now we can be realistic about the chances of it happening in the immediate future.

Everyone who worked on this show has loved it so dearly that I'm certain that if season 3 gets greenlit in the future, they'll all want to work on it again. As long as DJ is in, the others are too. The Revenge can be rebuilt. The time that has passed can be explained in the story, if it needs explaining at all. If some actors won't be able to return, we'll get new characters added to our family, and we'll embrace them just like we embraced all the new characters in season 2.

Depending on what the problem for the pick up was, things might change very quickly, or they might take a few years. Who knows, if we continue being loud, a streaming service that quickly passed on the show in January might take interest in it later. A streaming service that offered too little might make a better offer, and WBD might accept just to get rid of us (because we're back to calling Max out on this bullshit and it's not a good look for them). Or, once the industry recovers a bit, a streaming service might be willing to reconsider spending a big amount of money on this show. And if WBD set an impossible price for the show this time, they might shop it around for a more reasonable price once Zaslav is out (or even greenlight season 3 themselves, but that’s delulu level 200). Even if we don't get a season 3, we might still get a movie, or a comic book, or a script book, or a blu-ray release, or the Jenkins Cut. And honestly, if someone was to announce they've picked up the show in a year or two... that's not a long time at all.

Pirate Daddy said that our campaign was noticed across the industry. They hear and see our love for this show. They know we're here for the show if it's ever to return. They know this show has potential.

So let’s keep having fun in the fandom. Keep being loud about Our Flag Means Death. Keep using the hashtags. Keep making fanart. Keep shouting about how unfair this cancellation was. We don’t have to do it with the same intensity as during the campaign (I know we’re all tired and it’s completely okay to step away if you need/want to), but as long as we as a fandom are consistent, they’ll see there’s a demand that just won’t go away.

There is always hope. It’s not the same kind of hope we had before January 9th, and it’s not the kind we had until March 7th. But there are so many variables, and so little time has passed. Who knows what the industry will look like in a year or two. I’d rather believe in a future that might just hold a pleasant surprise for us than throw in the towel completely.

[gatitties]

Hi🤗♡.

Can I request teen!fem Reader with the (strawhat pirates & kid pirates & heart pirates)( the older version of them please in there 40 or 60).

The Reader got hurt very badly and she was in coma for month.

But of course everything was fine when the Reader wakes up and everyone is happy♡.

P.s : take your time okay :) .

─Strawhats, Kid Pirates & Heart Pirates x teen!reader (platonic)

─Summary: A life-threatening attack hits you and everyone is worried about your condition

─Warnings: the characters are older, like in those 40/60 year old drawings (reference)

─ You are the little light of the group, being the youngest everyone was always watching you in battle, they had full faith in your abilities, but they would not stop being worried.

─ But you're not always in a completely accessible place, the others also have their own fights at the same time so the world seems to stop when the sound of your body hitting the ground catches Nami's attention. "Oh- No- no- my god, Chopper!"

─ Usopp, who was the one who had only been running and launching light attacks, was the first to approach your body, noticing a large pool of blood around you and a big blow on your head, he turned pale when he saw you.

─ He easily carried you in his arms and took you to a less dangerous place while Chopper rushed to finish off his own opponent, he was with you in just a couple of minutes, he could be older, but he won't stop losing his nerve when he has than treating a loved one, "A doctor! We need a doctor right away!" "You're the doctor?!" "Oh right!"

─ While the others finish as quickly as possible to know if you are okay, you are treated emergency, managing to stop the bleeding and stabilizing your vital signs.

─ The problem was that you spent one day sleeping, two, three… and it became the longest week for the entire crew.

─ Everyone was impatient and uneasy, they would not forgive themselves if something happened to you, they knew that you would wake up sooner or later, they would just wait for you.

─ Chopper checks on you daily, Sanji puts a glass of fresh water on the nightstand every day in case you wake up and no one is there at that moment, Luffy and Usopp will sit down to play any board game to keep you company, Zoro will take some occasional nap on the floor (chopper puts some pillows and blankets there because age doesn't forgive back pain), Nami and Robin will talk to you as if you were gossiping with them on a normal day, Brook will sing something at night so that in your sleep better, Jinbe and Franky stop by from time to time to see if you're awake.

─ Everyone's spirits fade when the second week passes with no indication that you will wake up and they think the worst, however they cling to the fact that your condition is stable, you are healthy and you are much younger than them.

─ A month later, Luffy had fallen asleep resting his hand on your shoulder, he didn't give you time to open your eyes and you already had your captain hugging you. "Hey, it's been a while, I don't even sleep that much after a good meal!"

─ You laughed confused because you obviously didn't know how long you had been out, and it didn't take long for the others to find out, you were surrounded in a big hug although Chopper scolded everyone because he still had to do one last check before letting you walk freely.

─ This team fights with everything it has and you were not going to be less, although much younger, you were much more energetic than that whole group of old men, as you affectionately nicknamed them since they sometimes called you kiddo or child.

─ The problem is that sometimes you were somewhat impulsive, and that's why you attacked too quickly. Kid smiled, seeing himself reflected in your recklessness, although he scolded you. "Don't get ahead, these guys aren't as weak as they seem."

─ You turned a deaf ear since you had advanced well in the attack, but in an instant everything had gone black for you, a fatal blow to the abdomen left you completely out of combat.

─ "Oh fuck, the kiddo is hurt, shit- like, really screwed up, needs medical attention right away!" Heat is the one closest to you and the one in charge of protecting you until the bloodbath ends, which they do more quickly.

─ Killer knows that you won't wake up today because when they sewed the wound you didn't wake up because of the pain, he knew that you were very complaining about pain of any kind despite being a teenager.

─ The tension grows as the days go by, uncertainty because you don't wake up to joke that you've knocked down more guys, they are mentally torturing themselves even though they don't let it be seen.

─ Wire will talk to you to tell you all the gossip you miss, Killer will stop by every morning before starting the day hoping to see that you are standing, Heat will sleep next to you some days and Kid will not visit as often because he is venting his discomfort in his workshop.

─ Kid has been in a worse mood the last few weeks because you were the person with the smallest hands and he needed your help with some screws that were too small, which delayed his project, he missed your annoying little presence making jokes about his old age .

─ Killer had full faith that you would wake up sooner or later because they had treated you on time, it just made him nervous not knowing when it would be, "I will make your favorite food if you wake up today…" he always said in the hope that the food would open your eyes.

─ A month later when everyone got used to the lack of a gremlin running from one place to another (they didn't get used to it, that's what they want to think), you woke up, there was no one there at that moment so you got rid of all the cables, feeling good.

─ "Hey child- holy shit! you're awake, hey- what are you doing up?! You need to get checked before you walk around again" "I'm fresh as a lettuce captain! I can't say the same for you… but uh-" "I'm glad to see you're okay." He put his only arm over your shoulder and squeezed you like in a wrestling hold, roughly rubbing your head.

─ They used you as an excuse to have a party, although you didn't care much because you also celebrated and ate your favorite food.

─ Law was going to kill Shachi and Penguin because you got hurt on a mission with them, you took several hits, which exhausted you, and what you thought would be a nap back on the submarine ended up being something worse.

─ They tried to keep you awake while they used what Law had taught them about minimal care, but you couldn't continue.

─ They didn't even set foot in the submarine and you were already in a bed in the infirmary, the smell of blood gave away your condition, "I want a report on what happened and the area of the body that was most beaten, we will talk about your punishment later", both swallowed, knowing that their captain did not like to see his comrades injured but above all, to see someone with so much life ahead of them injured.

─ You are treated immediately and quickly, Law knows that you will not wake up for at least a week due to the blows and your condition, but you would get out of this, that does not prevent him from feeling an emptiness in the pit of his stomach.

─ Bepo will be in your room most of the time, reading out loud so that according to him, you wouldn't get bored in your dreams, Shachi and Penguin got some free time (because they were forced to clean the entire submarine until it shined) to apologize to you.

─ Ikakku stopped by from time to time to check your vital signs and tell you some things that had been happening.

─ Even though they knew you would wake up, not knowing when the moment would be made the entire crew impatient, although Law detected some changes in your condition after a month, he knew when you would finally open your eyes, which reassured him.

─ "What the hell…?" You mumbled when you woke up seeing that your arms and legs were tied, "I'm glad to see you awake" "How are you glad if I'm tied to a bed? Oh don't tell me, have you finally lost your mind and going to dissect me?" He sighed "Security, I knew you were going to get up as soon as you woke up and I want to do one last check" "Sure…"

─ Everyone found out later because you started screaming as if you were being tortured just because had to supply something with a syringe, at least you prolonged your hug with Bepo because of that.

─ Shachi and Penguin apologized to you again, but you downplayed it, right now what mattered most to you was having a good meal, you were hungry and Ikkaku had the solution to all your problems.

[softspaceboibrian]

The Heart Wants What It Wants || Jamie Tartt

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x Y/N where Y/N works at AFC Richmond || I used she/her pronouns, but there is no actual physical description, so the pronouns can be switched with whatever anyone wants or prefers!

Characters: Jamie Tartt; Keeley Jones and Rebecca Welton (Y/N's best friends); Sam Obisanya, Isaac McAdoo, Colin Hughes and Dani Rojas (Jamie's support team); Roy (being his usual grumpy self).

Summary: when Y/N goes into Rebecca's office to have her usual morning chat with her best friends, she doesn't expect it to result in a very messy confession from her crush.

Warnings: bad language, like a lot. slight sexual harassment. Roy being harsh with Jamie. Jamie being all over the place with his feelings. fluff, a lot of pining and crushing. just bad writing, really.

WC: 8355 (it's kinda long, I know... but I didn't know where to stop! sorry!)

A/N: This is my first time writing for JAmie or any Ted Lasso character in general. I hadn't written anything in months, and I guess it shows. but I was so sad that there weren't enough Jamie fics on here that I thought I could just write one of my own. hopefully people like it! I'm in the middle of my exam session, but if you have any requests or suggestions, feel free to write me!

this gif is completely unrelated, i just love phil dunstan

“Come in” Rebecca’s voice was clear and loud as always, even through the closed door. As you walked in, you took in the smell of hot tea permeating the door – definitely something you could always count on.

You greeted both Rebecca and Keeley, before plopping down on the sofa right in front of the big windows looking out onto the field. You looked out for a moment, noticing the team making their way outside to finally begin practice. You had been working at AFC Richmond for almost a year now, all thanks to Miss Keeley fucking Jones, obviously. Ever since you first day there, everyone had immediately started treating you as if you had always been part of the family, especially Rebecca. “If Keeley likes you so much, it must definitely mean something.” That was her excuse when she invited you out for drinks with the two of them on the second day. “Also, there’s only so many women working at AFC Richmond, we have to stick together, don’t we?” And the rest was history, as some author would say. Even the team had liked you since the get-go. Some more than others. There should be a disclaimer here: you had never cared for football, in any of its forms. But Keeley had been so persuading, making the job sound like a party. And she wasn’t lying. Being with the team was more fun than you could have ever imagined. Yes, some of them were self-centred, and some were self-centred pricks, even. But somehow, you had taken a liking to all of them. And now, after an entire year of working there, you knew them so well that she could even make out who was who all the way from Rebecca’s office.

You were so lost in your own thoughts, that when Keeley talked, you almost jumped out of her seat. “Babes, is everything alright?” Her voice was kind as always. “You seem off today.”

“Everything is fine.” You fixed yourself, turning around so to face both of your friends.

You smiled, or rather you forced yourself to make your smile feel as real as possible. But when you met Rebecca’s gaze you froze. She was holding one of those shortbread biscuits that Ted brought her in every morning and that you only had the pleasure to taste once and, well, you completely understood why Rebecca loved them so much. “I call bullshit.”

“What?”

“I said I call bullshit.” The woman put the last remaining bit of biscuit in the small, pink cardboard box, as to save it for later, and then made her way on the couch with you and Keeley. “You have been off for, well, quite a few days now. And I love that you’re an independent woman and everything, but Keeley and I are your friends. Actually, I would like to believe that we are your best friends. We care for you and we would very much appreciate it if you would trust us enough to come to us with your problems and thoughts.”

“Yeah, babes. You know we’re always here for you.” Keeley moved closer to you and leaned against the back of the couch.

You sighed, burying your face in your hands. You had wanted to talk with them for a while now, but you were always too afraid they wouldn’t care about it, or you were too embarrassed about how they might react to it. But this time it was them that asked you to tell them. And they seemed truly interested in knowing what was going on in your mind.

“Chop, chop, out with it.” Rebecca let her heels fall to the ground and set herself comfortably in the corner of the couch. Yeah, well, as comfortable as that extremely fitted pencil skirt gave her permission to.

You bit your lip for a moment, gathering all the courage you had. “It’s stupid, really.” You tried to laugh it off, hoping that they would just let it go.

But they didn’t. “It’s not stupid if it’s making you feel like this.” Keeley said, putting a hand on yours.

“Fine.” You sighed, looking off in front of you. “I think I may have feelings for Jamie.” You blurted out as quickly as you could.

“Our Jamie? Like, Jamie Tartt?” Keeley asked.

“I know it’s stupid. I shouldn’t like him, right? I know you think it’s stupid. I know you think he’s a prick, and you’re not wrong. I know that he’s a prick. Fuck, that makes me hate myself even more. How could I like a prick? Well, he had changed a bit, and now he-s a bit less of a prick. But still, he’s Jamie fucking Tartt, he’s probably one of the hottest footballers out there, in any way possible. He could fucking have whoever he wanted. Hell, he could have a fucking model. I’m sure he had model. He had you, Keels. And I’m just me. I fucking hate that I’m feeling this.” You started rambling on aimlessly, putting out there in only a few seconds all the fears and insecurities you had been holding in for the past who knows how long.

“Hey, love. Just, wait a minute.” Rebecca’s voice broke your train of thoughts, thankfully just in time, or who knows where you could’ve ended. “Let’s just calm down a moment, okay?”

“It’s just-” You sighed. “I hate that I’m feeling these feelings. I don’t want to feel them. Not for him. I don-t want to be his latest conquest that he’s going to move on from and forget as soon as he finds someone more interesting. I don’t want this. But I can’t help it. I… Fuck, I feel like I’m back in middle school. Shit, shit, shit. How old am I? 12? No, I’m not. I’m 25 years old, for fuck’s sake. I should fall for proper man. Not people like him.” Your eyes filled up with tears, which you tried to hide as best as you could, even though you knew that the other two would notice them, nonetheless.

And they did. Rebecca and Keeley shared a quick glance, before sliding even closer to you, both immediately wrapping their arms around your figure. “Listen, babes. You said it yourself. I’ve been with Jamie, and he was in his top prick form back then. Now he’s… he’s changing. I don’t know if it’s the training with Roy or if it’s Ted finally rubbing off on him, but he’s no longer the dickhead I dumped almost two years ago.”

“She’s right. He has changed.” Rebecca agreed with Keeley. “Also, you cannot tell your heart what it should and shouldn’t feel. It will only cause you more pain, and we definitely don’t want that.” The woman had this motherly instinct that you had always loved. She always knew what to say to make you feel better, or at least less shitty about yourself. “And remember, you could never do worse than me. I was married to the king of the shitheads.” She added, which made both you and Keeley laugh.

“Okay, let’s do this.” Keeley got up and ran to the door, only to lock it and run back to the couch. “If it’s alright with Rebecca, we’re going to take the morning off to talk, just the three of us.”

“Sounds perfect to me. I really didn’t have much to do anyway.” Rebecca was a great liar. You knew she probably had so many documents to read through and to sign. But she always made time to help you with your problems. And that’s why you loved her so much. “Is that right with you, love?”

You didn’t even need to say anything. You barely nodded, and next thing you knew, the three of you were sitting on the couch with no shoes on, a warm cup of tea each and a big chunky blanket on your legs. You never really thought they would be this open with you. Yes, they had made it clear ever since the beginning that they liked you and that they cared for you. But you had never thought that you could go to them for something like that and they would do all of that for you. But they did.

“Okay, let’s start with one simple question: are you two talking? Or, I don’t know, did you go on a date?” Keeley’s question was very straightforward and made completely sense. However, the answer wasn’t as easy to give.

“Well, we haven’t really gone on like a proper date. But we did spend quite a lot of time together last week.” You looked at the other two and you could feel them asking for more information with just their eyes. “It didn’t start as the best of situations…”

------------------------------ FLASHBACK ------------------------------

You didn’t really want to go out that night. It wasn’t really your thing. You usually spent your nights at home, reading a book or watching a movie. Or, if you were lucky, you would go out with Keeley and Rebecca for dinner and drinks, which you loved. What you didn’t love was going out for drinks with people you weren’t as comfortable with. But you had never really learnt how to say no to people, so when your old high school friend – who had moved to America for college and you hadn’t heard from since – messaged you on Instagram, saying that she was back in London for a few days and wanted to go out with you to “catch up”, you couldn’t really bring yourself to decline the offer or make up an excuse. So, you just agreed and made plans to meet up with her in front of a very busy and very fancy place downtown. You hated clubs, especially busy one, but even more you hated going to new places without people you knew. But you knew the girl, in a way. You were really close in high school, so things shouldn’t be too bad, right?

“So, you’re working for a football club! Never thought it would happen!” The girl shouted over the loud music which you were already hating with all your guts. But you just pulled through it.

“Yeah, it’s a good job.” You hated having to raise your voice so much, but it was the least you could do if you wanted to have a conversation with her.

“Do you know any famous footballer?”

“I mean, I know the boys from the team. I suppose they’re famous now. But yeah.”

“Would you introduce me to any of them?”

There it was. You had been talking with her for half an hour and, knowing how she was back in high school, you had been wondering how she hadn’t yet asked you about the guys. A small part of you really wanted to believe that she had changed and that she had stopped sleeping around with guys just because they were hot. But apparently, you were wrong. “Well, it’s complicated. They’re in the middle of the Premier season right now, and most of them are training really hard hoping to be rostered for their national teams. Plus, you’re only going to be in town for a few days, so that wouldn’t really work.”

“I wouldn’t mind moving my flight back for a footballer.” She smirked.

“Maybe next time.” You fake-smiled. “Also, who would want to go out with a football player? Most of them are self-centred assholes who only care about winning.”

“But they are sexy and they have money.”

“But you’re studying law in an ivy league college, you could be the one with money in the relationship.”

“Nah, I don’t really care about that. If a hot guy with money wanted to be with me, I would literally give everything up.” She said, as if that was the most obvious answer. Now you were remembering why you never reached out to her after high school was over.

You spent another half hour listening to her blabbering about something you didn’t really care about. And you could tell that she knew, but didn’t say anything. That was how things had always been between the two of you back in school: she was the popular one, with guys running after her, and her constantly cancelling plans that you two had made to go on a date with a different guy, while you spent your afternoons with the drama club, putting on the next show, to which she was always invited but she never came. It wasn’t all bad. You actually had good times with her. You spent a lot of time over at her house, and you were almost part of her family. But once you were no longer forced to see each other every single day at school, it didn’t take long for you to realise you were completely different. So, you just stopped looking for each other, making plans or going out. That’s why, when the messages stopped coming altogether, it didn’t really hurt you, since you were the first that had started to back out from that friendship. But years had passed and you had really hoped she had grown out of that phase of her life. But you were wrong. People never change, that was what you said to yourself as you were absentmindedly nodding to whatever she was saying now.

“Listen, Y/N, do you mind if I leave you alone here for a moment? There’s a guy over there that has been eyeing me for a while now and, I don’t know, I have this feeling I should go over there.” That was her usual excuse. I have this feeling. As if sexual craving could be described as an actual feeling. But you didn’t care, you actually wouldn’t mind to spend a few minutes by yourself. So, you just told her to go. And she did. Not a single “are you sure you don’t mind” nor an “it will be quick, I promise”. She simply picked all her stuff up and left.

And then you were alone.

You thought about leaving a couple of times, but you thought it would be rude because what would happen if she came back and you weren’t there?

So, you just remained seated there, in the small booth, waiting. And waiting. You looked around, studying the crowd, and hoping that she would just come back, or at least text you to let you know her intentions for the rest of the night. But that message never came. And you waited there, alone.

Until, after almost twenty minutes, a random man approached you. He had to have been at least 15 years older than you. He was dressed all fancy, a black blazer and jeans, a white shirt with the first couple of buttons left open to show a few sparse grey hairs on his chest, as if that was something that all women found sexy; I mean, who did he think he was? Roy Kent? He walked over to your table and leaned on it to get closer to you. “Is this seat taken?”

The first thing that hit you was the almost nauseating amount of perfume and aftershave, closely followed by the stench of cigarette and alcohol as soon as he opened his mouth. “I’m waiting for a friend.” You replied, hoping that would be enough to send him away.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been sitting here alone for quite some time now.” He smiled, and you wanted to throw up. “And I don’t she’s coming back. She and that boy looked very intimate if you know what I mean.”

That comment sent shivers down your spine. How long had he been looking at you? “I’m waiting for another friend of ours.” You said, hoping that he would buy it.

He moved closer to you. “Let me wait with you. I wouldn’t want to leave such a pretty girl out here on her own.”

You hated when people called you a girl. You were a grown woman, for god’s sake! But you hated it even more when that comment came from creepy old men that were nonchalantly flirting with you.

“They should be here any minute now.” You replied quickly. “And I actually prefer to sit alone.”

“Nonsense! Let me keep you company!” He smirked, sliding even closer to you. You were on the verge of tears, feeling this awful sensation in your stomach. You felt like you were going to throw up, and you weren’t sure whether it was because of his terrible taste in perfumes, the horrible stench of smoke, or just his presence in general. You wanted to just get up and get away, but it was as if your legs had forgotten how to move. You tried to insist, telling him that you were going to meet them outside, but he wouldn’t let you go. He started moving his hand, and you knew that, if you didn’t move, he would put it on your thigh. But, with tears pooling at the corners of your eyes, your body completely froze.

“Y/N!” A voice called your name. You turned around to look at the source. Your vision was hazy from the tears, and the strobe lights weren’t exactly helping you in that moment. “I’m sorry I’m late, I couldn’t find a spot to park me car.” He walked over to your table and waited for you to do or say something to sit next to you.

“You’re Jamie fucking Tartt!” The old man exclaimed. “Fuck, man. You’re great! My mates and I don’t really like Richmond, but you’re the best player in the team. You and that Oby- Obe-, you know, the Nigerian guy.”

“Yeah, cheers, man.” Jamie replied, taking a seat next to you. “Now, would you mind leaving us alone?”

“Is she your date?” The man asked, and you could tell that he was confused because why would a star like Jamie Tartt go out with a normal girl like you?

“Do you have a problem?”

“No, no!” The old man finally stood up from the table. “You enjoy her.” He smirked and gave him a wink, before looking at you up and down for the last time and eventually leave.

You finally could feel your body relax again when your attention was caught by Jamie talking. “What a fucking creep.” He shook his head, before finally looking at you. “Are you alright? Did he do anything to you?”

You shook your head. “I think you got here just in time.” You smiled at him, almost feeling guilty for probably having ruined his night.

“Were you here alone?”

“Well, not really. I was here with a friend but she left with a guy.” You stopped, quickly looking around. “But I don’t think she’s coming back.”

“Some kind of friend.” He sighed, still looking at you, as if he were studying you, trying to understand if everything was truly okay, trying to assess the situation. “Do you want to leave?”

“What?”

“I said, do you want to go out, maybe grab a bite?” He raised his voice, thinking that you might have not heard him over the loud music.

“Don’t worry, I’m okay. You can go back to your evening if you want. I’m fine, I swear.”

“I was here on me own.”

“You go to clubs alone?”

“Well, yeah.” He looked at you for a moment. “Listen, really, I don’t have anything to do here. And in any case, I would much rather spend time with you. So, if you want to leave and do something actually funny instead of waiting for some shitty friend to hopefully come back, then count me in.”

------------------------- END OF FLASHBACK -------------------------

“Did you go with him?” Keeley asked, looking at you as if she was watching the latest episode of a soap opera, completely hooked up to the story.

“We spent the entire night together.” You said shyly.

“Doing what?” You had never seen Rebecca so shocked and interested in a story in a while.

“We ate in a chicken shop; we stayed there talking for a while and then we took a walk.”

“How long did you stay out for?”

You could feel both Keeley’s and Rebecca’s eyes on you, demanding an answer, wanting to know more, to know everything. “Well, we took the sunrise as our cue to go home.”

“Babes! You’re telling me that you stayed up all night talking with Jamie?” Keeley squealed, jumping on her knees. “Like, you found topics to talk about for, what, 7? 8 hours?”

“It wasn’t that difficult. I didn’t even have to force it.”

“What did you talk about?” Asked Rebecca. And all of a sudden, the almost 50-year-old and 30-year-old women in front of you turned back into their high school personas and you almost wanted to laugh at how adorably funny that scene was.

“Well, a bit of everything, you know. Our lives, where we grew up, our favourite things, favourite food, favourite movie, favourite city, the books that have impacted us the most, the cities that we dream of visiting one day. Normal stuff.”

Keeley looked at you, in complete shock. “You talked about books. With Jamie. How?”

“He said that he had noticed I like to read and asked me about my favourite book. I told him and then asked him the same thing. And he told me.” You replied, as if that was obvious. But it was only then that you remember that Keeley had been with Jamie in the past and, if she was that shocked, it must have meant that, when they were together, he didn’t read. Possibly at all.

“Babes, remember when I told you he had changed since I had broken up with him, right? Well, that’s an understatement. When we were together, it was fun, but we didn’t really talk about that kind of stuff. He was much more superficial. I don’t think he never really asked me what my favourite food was. And the fact that he was taking an interest in all of those things about you, well, it definitely means something. I wouldn’t take that for granted.” Hearing Keeley, someone you trusted with all of your heart, someone you loved and looked up to, someone that truly knew who you were talking about, saying all of those things, made you feel things. You didn’t know what those things meant, but they were things you hadn’t felt in a long time. And for the first time in days, you were finally accepting the idea of having feelings for Jamie Tartt.

After a few moments of silence, Rebecca asked you “Was that the only time you spent time together?”

“Well, no. I mean, we’ve been talking basically every single day. He sends me a good morning text almost every day, and we talk a lot at night. Sometimes he calls me.”

“Okay, okay. That’s good.” Rebecca said, almost as if she was an investigator gather all the evidence. “But you didn’t answer my question: did you go out another time?”

You immediately felt heat rising to your cheeks. “We didn’t really go out.” You looked at the two women in silence for a moment. “Last night he… ehm… he showed up to my place.”

“What?” They both almost screamed at the same time.

------------------------------ FLASHBACK ------------------------------

You had just finished putting on your pyjamas after a long warm shower. You still had to decide what you wanted to eat, something you always dreaded because, as much as you loved cooking, you hated preparing food for one. You started making your way down the stairs and to the kitchen when your doorbell rang. You weren’t really expecting anyone, so the sound left you confused. You looked through the peephole before even saying anything, so that if it was someone you didn’t know, you could jut pretend you weren’t at home. But, when you looked through it, you were surprised to see Jamie standing right outside of your door.

You immediately took a look at yourself in the mirror right beside the door, trying to make yourself look at least presentable, before finally opening the door. When Jamie’s entire figure came into view, you noticed the food boxes in his hands. “Jamie?”

“Hi, Y/N! Ehm, I’m sorry to barge in on you like this but… ehm… I thought we could spend some time together, you know?” Was Jamie blushing?

You stood there, a soft smile on your lips, looking at the man in front of you. “Sure.” You giggled, moving to open the door even more, as a way to let him in.

“I’m sorry, I should have texted or called. That was stupid. If you’re busy I can just-”

You cut him off. “Jamie. I’m not busy. You can come in. I just wasn’t expecting visitors, so the house is, well, it’s not tidy.” You take a step forward to take some of the boxes off of him. “What’s with all of this food? Did you rob a supermarket?” You laughed, nodding your head as a sign for him to follow you, before making your way to the kitchen.

“No!” He laughed, and suddenly you felt this weird sensation in your stomach. “I didn’t know what you were craving and so I got everything that you told me you liked.” He said, while putting the boxes on the counter. “I got us a pizza to share, because you said you’re not a huge fan, but that you like to eat it while watching movies. I also got us kebabs because they’re always good, and sushi because why not. Oh, and I also got us those spicy Korean rice thingies that you said you love so much. What’s their name? Tee- To-”

You laughed as he struggled to say the word. “Tteokbokki.”

“Yeah, those.” He smiled, putting his hands on his sides.

“Just a question.” You walked around the kitchen gathering cutlery and plates to eat. “How many people did you think were going to be here? There’s enough food to feed an army.”

He looked at you and then the food, before bursting out laughing. “I told you! I didn’t know what you were craving. And I wanted to do something nice for you, but I overdid it.”

You put the plates on the counter and turned to look at him. “It’s okay, I appreciate it anyways.” You smiled. “But why would you wanted to do this for me? It’s not my birthday or anything.”

“I just… I had a very good time with you the other night.” Was Jamie blushing? Again? “And I was really in the mood to watch a good movie. So, who better than you to watch it with.”

You smiled, trying to hide the blushing coming onto your cheeks as well by turning your attention to the food on the counter. “Did you have a movie in mind?” You asked, while putting the different foods on the plates.

“You said that you really like Dead Poets Society, right? And that you think everyone should watch it at least once in their lifetime, right? So, I thought, since I’ve never seen it, we could, I don’t know, watch it together. If you want to, obviously.” He waited for you to plate the food to pick a couple of plates up and follow you into the living room.

“That actually sounds like a perfect plan, Mr Tartt.” You smiled, while taking a seat on the couch, waiting for him to join you.

------------------------- END OF FLASHBACK -------------------------

“Fucking hell, that’s adorable!” Keeley exclaimed. “He never did that for me! When he showed up uninvited, it was usually because he wanted to have sex.”

“Well, this is good!” Rebecca joined in. “He has changed. He listened to what you told him, he remembered your favourite food and your favourite movie. And before you say something like ‘but that’s not a big dead!’, yes it fucking is. It is a huge deal. Men aren’t always reliable. Rupert never was, at least. I vividly remember telling him my favourite drink at least a dozen times. And every single time he would get me something completely different. At the beginning I was too afraid to say anything, so I just drank it. But then I started to speak up. And still, he didn’t remember.”

“Yeah, okay, but him remembering that I like pizza only when watching movie doesn’t mean he feels anything for me.” You said, throwing your head back.

“I’m sorry, babes, didn’t you say that he told you that he wanted to spend time with you?” Keeley asked. “You said it yourself: he came to your place with all the food you had told him you liked and suggested to watch your favourite movie together because he had had a good time with you and wanted to do that again.”

“He decided to spend time with you rather than going out with other people or spend the night texting some random girl on dating apps.” Added Rebecca. “He chose to be with you.”

“I suppose you’re right.” You sighed. “I still don’t think he has feelings for me, though.”

“Whatever, babes.” Keeley took a sip out of her mug, before refocusing on you. “What happened next? Did you watch the movie?”

“Yes, we did.” You smiled at the memory. “He got emotional at the end. I’m not saying that he cried, but he definitely had glossy eyes by the time of the ‘O Captain, my Captain’ scene.”

“Which means he feels comfortable enough to show his emotions in front of you.” Rebecca noted. “And what happened next? Did he leave or did you spend another night talking?” She smirked, trying to make fun of you in a friendly way, almost mom-like.

“Well, he stayed a while longer.” You looked at the two women. “We talked a little about the movie, he told me what he thought of it, we discussed a little about why I thought it is a very important and still relevant movie, and he agreed with me. At first, I have to be honest, I thought he was just agreeing with me to not make me feel bad. But then he added to my argument and I stood corrected. He had truly understood the point of the movie and of my thoughts. For the first time in, gosh, I don’t even know how long, I felt seen, listened and understood by someone that wasn’t you two or Sam.”

Keeley brought a hand to her chest. “I have conflicted feelings because, by the way you’re talking, I want to tell you to just run out of here and into this man’s arms; but at the same time, every now and then, I remember you’re talking about Jamie, and it feels so weird because he’s so different from what I remember him to be like.” She explained. “Which is good, but kind of unsettling.”

Rebecca nodded along with what Keeley said, before eventually turning once again to face you. “What happened after you talked?”

“We decided to watch Modern Family, you know, to cheer ourselves up after the movie.”

“And?” Asked in unison the two women.

“And nothing.”

“I call bullshit.” Said Rebecca.

“Agreed.” Added Keeley. “What aren’t you telling us?”

“Nothing!”

“That’s not true!” They once again spoke in unison, which was starting to become quite weird.

“Nothing happened. We just… fell asleep.” You almost murmured those last words, almost too scared to say it out loud in front of them.

“I’m sorry, what?” Asked Rebecca, who had obviously heard and just wanted you to say it again out loud.

“We fell asleep!” You shouted. And you were so glad that Rebecca’s office was so high up and far from others. “As we were watching the show, he started leaning into me. At first, he laid his head on my shoulder, and then, somehow, we ended up with his head in my lap and my hands in his hair.” You could feel your cheeks burning up.

The two women shared a quick look, before turning back to you, huge smiles on their faces. “When did he fall asleep?” Asked Keeley.

“I don’t know.” You looked down at your own hands. “I fell asleep as well. I don’t know how or when, but when I woke up, it was like 3 in the morning, and we were lying on the couch. He had his head on my stomach and an arm draped over my waists.”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.” You were fidgeting with your bracelet, too embarrassed to look up and meet your friends’ eyes. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want him to go away.” For some reason your eyes started filling up with tears.

“Hey, babes. It’s all right.”

“No, it’s not!” You almost shouted, tears finally falling down your face. “It’s not fucking okay. I hate feeling like this.”

“Love, hey, just… wait a second. Take a deep breath.” Rebecca moved closer and wrapped her arms around you. “Why do you hate it?”

“I don’t know. I’m feeling all these things for someone that doesn’t even like me back.”

“You don’t know that, Y/N.” Keeley moved closer as well, taking your hand in hers and leaning her head against yours. “I mean, you’re the coolest person I know, you’re fucking smart and interesting, and you’re fit as fuck. I think most of the team has at least a tiny crush on you.” She smiled, hoping to cheer you up. But that didn’t work.

“Listen, love.” Rebecca squeezed you, before pulling away slightly. “As that song says, the heart wants what it wants. I know feeling like this is terrible, but there’s only one thing that you can really do, and that’s talking to him.”

“But what if he says that he was just being a good friend? What if I misread every single thing he has done and said to me up until now?”

“And what if you haven’t?” Keeley asked. “Finding you at that club was completely random, pure luck. But he then chose to spend the entire night with you. Just like he chose to send you a good morning text every single day, and he chose to come and spend the evening with you. Also, I’m almost 100% sure that he woke up as well during the night, but didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to go, just like you didn’t want him to leave.” Keeley brushed a rogue strand of hair out of your face. “I know it’s hard, but you have to act.”

“But I’m scared.”

“Which means that you care.” Rebecca smiled. “You care about him and about your relationship.”

You looked at the two women in silence for a few moments. You wanted to cry, and you wanted to scream. You wanted to run out of there and straight to Jamie. You wanted to hug Keeley and Rebecca ad tell them how much you loved them. But all you could do in that moment was smile and be glad for the wonderful friends you had. “So, I should go and talk to him?”

“Yes.” Keeley smiled.

“And you should do it right now.” Said Rebecca, standing up from the couch. “The team is going back inside, which could be a good moment for you to swoop in and talk with Jamie.” She seamlessly slipped back in her high heels and fixed her blouse. “And if anyone has anything to say about it, they will have to come to me. I’m the owner of this club, after all.” She winked.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The team had just made their way to the changing room, ready to hear Roy giving them “pointers”, or rather making sure they knew every little thing they had done wrong. But Jamie didn’t really care about that. Jamie knew that he had played like shit, but he couldn’t help it. His head was someplace else.

“Oi, Tartt!” Roy’s voice echoed in the room, and everyone’s head turned to look at the man sitting in front of his changing station. “What the fuck were you thinking, uh? You fucked all the assists. The team was constantly looking for you, and you were nowhere to be found!”

Jamie’s eyes remained low on the ground. “’m sorry, coach.” His voice was soft. “I’ll do better next time.”

His teammates couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Somehow, in the span of 24 hours, Jamie had lost all of his confidence. They looked at him and almost couldn’t recognise him. And the worst past was that no one really knew what to do with him, how to talk to him, how to cheer him up. Because that’s the thing with teams: you’re a family, you’re all extremely close, but you’re still a bunch of men that don’t know how to handle emotions and how to talk about their feelings. So, they just bottle everything up and hope that, sooner or later, it will just go away.

But right now, looking at Jamie, Sam felt compelled by something to just stand up and walk over to him, to say something. “Is everything all right?”

Sam’s voice startled Jamie, who was so deep in his thoughts he had almost forgotten he was at the clubhouse. “Uh?” Jamie looked up and was met by Sam’s concerned look. “No, yeah, everything is fine.”

“It don’t look like it, bruv.” Isaac joined in the conversation.

Sam took a seat next to Jamie. “You don’t have to talk to us about whatever is on your mind. We’re not going to force you. Just know that we’re here for you.”

“Sì, muchacho. We’re a familia.” Dani and Colin walked over as well, almost forming a barrier between him and the rest of the room, creating a safe space for him.

No one said anything for a few moments, most of them unsure of how to act, of what to say to him. They wanted to ask him, to help him, but they had no idea how. So, they all remained quiet, until Jamie broke the silence. “I feel so stupid.” Jamie’s voice was low. “I… I feel like a middle schooler.”

“What do you mean?” Colin asked.

Sam immediately turned to look at Jamie. “Did something happen with your dad?” And Jamie could feel the worry in Sam’s voice.

“No, no, I haven’t talked with me dad since Wembley.” He shook his head, rubbing his face. “No, I… You’re going to laugh…” He looked up, but all he saw was seriously interested faces, the faces of friends that were genuinely concerned for him. “I have a crush…” He almost whispered, but it was still loud enough for them to hear. They all shared a quick look amongst themselves, before turning to look again at the man sitting before them. “I feel so stupid because, usually, I have all this confidence with women, right? I’m so sure about me self that I don’t worry about the possibility of a rejection. It doesn’t affect me, usually…”

Sam nodded along with everything that Jamie said, as if he could relate to every little detail. “But with this woman in particular, you’re scared.”

Isaac asked the question that everyone wanted to ask. “Who is this woman?”

Jamie looked up from the ground, meeting everyone’s eyes. He could tell that his friends wanted to help him, but something was stopping him, almost too afraid to admit he had feelings for her, too scared that they would laugh in his face and say that she deserved better than him.

“Muchacho, you’re a beautiful man, and every woman would be lucky to be with you.” Dani always had this way of talking that could give confidence even to the shiest and most introverted person in the world.

“No, you don’t understand. This woman is different from the others.” He sighed. “She’s not a top model or an aspiring actress that wants to be with me because I’m famous. She’s… she’s different.” Jamie started fidgeting with the ends of his shoelaces. “And I’m different. I’m not the same person I was two years ago, I know that. And I think that’s why I’m so scared. Like, what if she doesn’t like me? What if she still thinks I’m a prick? Uh?”

“Listen, boyo. You said it yourself; you have changed. And if this woman doesn’t like your new you, then too bad for her.” Colin took a seat next to Jamie, opposite to Sam. “But if you truly like her, you should tell her. Don’t let your fear get in the way of your happiness, okay?”

“Yeah, like Selena Gomez said in her song, the heart wants what it wants.” Smiled Dani.

Jamie looked at those people around him, and for a moment he felt all the guilt for how he had treated them two years before rise to the top. Did they forget everything he had done to them? Did they forget how bad he had made them feel? He had treated them so poorly, and yet, now they were there, next to him, showing care and interest in how he was feeling. “Thank you, boys.” He smiled softly.

“You know we’re here.” Sam smiled, giving him a small push with the shoulder. “We’re family.”

“Yeah, bruv.” Isaac added. “But are you going to tell us who this woman is or not?”

However, their conversation was cut short by the door to the changing room opening, and Y/N walking in, looking around, clearly searching for someone. And that was when the boys realised Jamie didn’t need to tell them anything, because as soon as he saw her, he stood up. He fixed his hair and immediately took a step forward. None of them said anything. They just remained quiet and watched the scene unfold in front of their eyes.

“Jamie.” You smile once you finally met his eyes.

“Y/N” He replied, softly, taking another step towards her.

“Do you… do you think we could talk for a moment? Alone?” She said quietly, but the silence in the room made it extremely complicated for her not to be heard by everyone.

Jamie nodded. “Yeah, sure.”

You smiled, turning around to exit the changing room. Jamie took a deep breath, turning quickly to look at the four guys standing a few steps away from him. He nodded to them, and they nodded to him in return, as a way to say ‘you got this’ or ‘go get her’. So, he took one more deep breath, and followed her outside.

Once he stepped into the corridor, he noticed Keeley and Rebecca standing in the middle of it, looking at the two of them. Keeley smiled, which gave Jamie a boost of confidence, Whereas Rebecca was looking at him in such an intimidating way that immediately sent shivers running down his spine. He knew they were there for you, and he knew how much they cared for you, so it wasn’t difficult for him to understand what Rebecca’s gaze meant: ‘break her heart and I’ll break you’.

He greeted the two women with a quick nod, before realising you were still walking down the corridor. “Wait up, Y/N!” He said, jogging after you. “Where are we going?”

“Boot room. It’s the quietest place in here.” You looked at him, noticing his expression, as if he wanted to say something. “I already asked Will to leave us alone in there.” You replied, quickly grabbing him by his hand and pulling him through the doorway.

“You always think about everything.” He chuckled, getting into the room. He never really understood when or how that room had become like a sort of therapy room for the team, where most of them went when they needed to get something off of their chest or just be alone, but couldn’t leave the clubhouse. That place stank like hell. But he was glad nonetheless for the privacy. “You had your supporters with you as well, uh?” He smiled.

“Yeah.” You laughed under your breath. “They are actually the ones that forced me to come and talk to you.”

“Should I be scared, then?”

“No! No.” You shake your head. “I don’t think so.” You started pacing around the room, trying to give order to all the things you had in your head at the moment.

“Is everything alright?” Jamie looked at you, slightly worried.

You looked at him, taking a deep breath. “Yes.” You nodded. “Just give me a moment because I haven’t really thought about what I want to say to you. Or rather, how I want to say it to you.”

Jamie nodded, taking a step towards you and catching your hand before you stepped away again. “Do you mind if I go first, then?”

You looked at him, surprise painted all over your face. You didn’t know what to say, so you simply nodded, waiting for him to talk.

“Okay, so, first of all, I wanted to tell you that last night was… well, I really enjoyed spending time with you, and I really wish we could do it more often.” He smiled, squeezing your hand as a way to catch your attention. “And then to the difficult part... Okay. The boys told me to just be me self. But it’s difficult, you know? Because, like, I am always me self, but when I’m with you, I’m different from how I am with the others. Not in the sense that I’m not truly me self, but in the sense that, when I’m with you, I’m me self even more than usual.” He stopped, looking down. “Sorry, I didn’t really have anything prepared either.” He chuckles.

You couldn’t help but smile. “Go on, you’re doing great.” You said, trying to look at him in the eyes.

“What I’m trying to say is that when I’m with you, I feel like I’m truly me self. Like I’m the most authentic version of me. And I like it. I want to be like that always. But I feel like I can only be like that when I’m with you.” He looks at you. “I lied before. I don’t want to be with you more often.” You stopped and looked at him completely confused. “I want to be with you as much as I can. I want to be with you every fucking day.” You giggled, feeling the blood rushing up your neck and to your cheeks. “I want to make lunch for you. Well, no, okay. I want to learn how to make lunch for you. I want to take you out to dinner. And I also want to order in and watch a movie on a couch like we did last night. I want you to play with me hair because, fuck, that’s the most relaxing shit ever.” You bit your bottom lip, trying to contain all the happiness that you were feeling in that moment. “I want to go out with our friends and be able to show you off. I want to hold your hand as we walk down the street.”

“Jamie…”

“Wait a second.” He interrupted you, pulling you even closer. “I want you to wear my jersey at matches. And to cheer for me. And I want to kiss you whenever we win a match. In front of everyone. I want to go out and celebrate with the team, and while we’re there, I want to hold you close while we talk with them, and then be able to just walk home together and celebrate just the two of us. And I don’t mean have sex. I mean, that would be fun, but I meant like having a party just the two of us. Drinking, and dancing and laughing. Or we don’t have to go home, and we can just walk around town all night, like we did that time.” He became all serious all of a sudden. “I want to be able to protect you from creepy old men. Actually, no. That wouldn’t be necessary because you would never need to go out by yourself ever again.”

“Jamie, I…”

“Wait, I’m not done.” He interrupted you once more. “I want to be able to sleep over at your place and you over at mine. I want us to buy toothbrushes to leave at the other’s house. I want to wake up next to you like we did today, but I want that every single day. I want to have me clothes at your place and your clothes at mine. I want to drive Roy mad by telling him last minute that I’m sleeping over at your place, so he has to come all the way there. And after I’m done training with him, I want to stop at a cafe as I get back home and I want to buy your favourite latte, so that you can wake up to the smell of warm coffee every day.”

“Jamie!” You shouted, trying to stop him from talking.

“What?”

“Just-” Your hands found their way to the back of his head, as your eyes remained fixed on his. “Just kiss me, will you?” You laughed, before pulling him down towards you.

When your lips finally crashed against one another, you could feel the tension you had been holding in your stomach finally releasing. You pushed yourself on your tiptoes, as Jamie’s hands slowly and softly found their resting place on the small of your back, helping you up, and pulling you closer to his chest. Your hands played with his hair, and in that moment, you were sure he could feel your heart beating like crazy in your chest.

“So…” He whisper while pulling slightly away, only to press his forehead against yours. “Did you want to say something?”

You kept your eyes closed, too afraid to open them and realise that it was only just a dream. “I think you said everything.” You chuckled, trying to get some air back in your lungs.

“Well, if you wanted to say something…”

“Jamie.”

“What?”

“I love you.”

A/N: sorry, this was so long! so, if you read it all the way through, then thank you! please, feel free to leave me any kind of feedback and don't forget to send me suggestions or requests if you have them! thank you again! ily <3

[wannaeatramyeon]

Fem!reader Isekai in Lookism ?

Anon, so sorry I'm answering this exactly 3 months later. You're my last request from May and I was soooo close to deleting it because I have had exactly zero ideas. Then I got partly inspired by @honeyhotteok fic here and now I'm running on less than 3hrs sleep in work and it's your fault. Oh yeah, and I've completely twisted the ask as well. It's not even close. So all that wait was for nothing 🙇🏻‍♀️

Adventures of YOUR part time job in the Lookismverse

G/N. You work the graveyard shift in a convenience store. You meet bizarre characters on different nights. Part 2

There's something wrong with people your age these days.

Everyone seems to be either in a gang or up to some shady shit. Seriously what is going on. Is this all a big joke that only you aren't in on?

Just the other day you swear you saw a group of guys in boiler suits punch through some walls across the street. Like what the fuck? What did the wall ever do to you? And then someone apparently called Tabasco starts chanting something about Burn Knuckles and oh my fucking god it's 11pm please shut up.

Oh course you never said that, you still have some sense of self preservation.

And how does anyone even have the time for all this. Between school and this part time job, you barely have enough hours to sleep.

You miss Daniel, the coworker who you haven't seen for a good year but used to gossip into the early morning with. He always seemed a bit nervous and fidgety when you voiced your concerns and observations, but you just assumed he was a nervous and fidgety kinda guy.

There would have been some fun stories to share. Instead now you work the graveyard shift on your own.

.

.

Case in point, the guy standing in front of you looks like one bad conversation away from a mental breakdown.

And really you're not in the habit of checking out customers but he cuts a striking figure. Every exposed inch of skin besides his face inked, and (you silently ask for his forgiveness for the objectification) the biggest chest you have ever seen. What even is this guy eating? What is this guy injecting? Lifting?

The question is almost out of your mouth but then you see the look in his eyes and slam your lips shut.

Nevermind. You ring his purchases through and tell him to have a good night.

.

.

You're restocking the shelves when you notice a guy with a scar across his lip and nose, dripping blood from god knows where all over your freshly mopped floor.

Which is alarming in itself but come on man. Look at the floors. You're making it so fucking gross.

He notices you watching him, gives you an apologetic look and says he'll take care of it.

He makes a quick call and in comes 26 guys, one after the other and they line up in front of him.

You know it's exactly 26 because you counted all 26. And you've also watched all 26 pairs of dirty shoes trample over your previously nice clean floor.

The blood drippy guy asks politely for the mop and bucket and you think this must be some sort of prank because why the hell is this even necessary. 26 guys to share your one solitary mop and bucket and to clean a goddamn floor that you managed in 10 minutes.

"Get out." He blinks at you, taken aback by your tone. "Or I'm calling the police."

.

.

"You can bring your pups in!" You call out to the emo teen lurking outside.

Health and safety be damned because look how fucking cute these dogs are!

He hesitates but then the rain grows heavier and all three rush in.

You miss the suspicious glance he gives you, too fixated on how adorable the dogs are. You don't even mind their wet fur or muddy paws because look at these little babies!

And huh, this guy must really love them too with his, you squint, God? Dog? hoodie on. D'aww that's so stinking sweet.

.

.

Damnit, you knew these two would be trouble the moment they stepped foot into your store.

The tall blonde just gives off a distinct creepy vibe and the shorter one has his entire eyebrows shaved off.

Shaved. Off.

You couldn't help but stare when you put their purchases through and noticed some regrowth and stubble. Is this a trend you missed out on? Either way you're glad because there's no way you're shaving off your own eyebrows.

They converse in Japanese, not even saying a word to you. No thanks or anything, which is fine you suppose. But then they pay you in fucking yen.

They're out the door by the time you see the cash and fuck. Your boss is going to go apeshit when he finds out.

.

.

"What do you think, sweetheart?"

A new blonde guy addresses you tonight and for crying out loud, you just want a quiet shift.

What do you think of his white suit? With the garish LV logos? That it's tacky as fuck. That anyone with any sort of taste would never ever wear that. You keep your actual thoughts to yourself and instead just say it's fine.

That does nothing to subdue the blonde. He does stop talking to you though, and just mutters bitterly under his breath. You catch the words blind and tasteless.

His partner smirks at your response.

And isn't that a whole other kettle of fish because it's currently 2am and you're indoors and who the hell wears sunglasses right now. You think he's a douche of the highest calibre.

The smirk is wiped from his face when he asks for cigarettes and you ask for ID. He doesn't have it on him.

"No can do. No ID, no sale."

He leans aggressively into your space, and reveals his eyes peering over his sunglasses.

My god, what is up with this duo? One with the tacky suit, and this one with the ugly black contact lenses.

You don't budge and the guy is dragged out by the blonde cackling.

Ugh. That laugh gives you a headache for the rest of your shift.

.

.

You really wish customers would stop involving you in their conversation.

This one, who looks exactly like how you would imagine a SoundCloud rapper that has their mother following them and no one else, asks you to listen to his music.

He insists that he's good as the blonde girl rolls her eyes.

You listen to about 10 seconds and make up your mind.

He's wrong. He's very wrong. You want to suggest he gets checked out at the doctor because clearly his ears aren't working properly.

Instead, you mention you like Duke Pyeon, he's more your taste. Has he heard of him? It's the wrong thing to say though because this guy looks angrier than you've ever seen anyone.

"Don't start Vin, I've seen you listening to his music." The girl scoffs.

'Vin' shouts in indignation and storms off with his friend trailing closely behind.

.

.

"Can I help?" You ask with your customer service voice and customer service smile.

He has been standing in front of the hair dyes for a good ten minutes as his friend looks increasingly bored and you can't blame him.

"No thanks, I'm just browsing," he responds and you tell him you'll be just over there if he needs anything.

You kill some time playing on your phone, look up, and both of them are still in the exact same spot.

The one with the H on his neck looks about ready to tear his hair out.

"Come on bro, just pick one!"

"No Warren, this is important. I need it to suit my new aesthetics."

You shrug and return back to your kitty kat restaurant game.

.

.

"Cool glasses," you tell the guy walking around the store and he looks affronted at first before realising you're being sincere and gives you a small smile instead.

You wonder if you can pull off orange tinted glasses too or whether you'd just look like an idiot. It's probably the latter you decide when you ring up his energy drinks.

"I'm a boxer," he offers, as if you're judging the amount of caffeine he's going to slam down.

"Ok?"

"I need it for my training."

"Sure."

You've seen weirder purchases and weirder combinations. The people coming in looking frantic and buying a single plunger or pack of toilet paper never fails to make you chuckle.

To be honest the amount he's buying is a bit nuts, and you wonder if he's going to drink it all in one go. You probably wouldn't sleep for a year if it was you.

"Enjoy your training," you say, heaving and handing over the bag of 19 cans.

.

.

A mute blonde gestures at you

You try to use some sign language, but he looks at you as if you're crazy. At least you think he does but you can't see his eyes.

Somehow you're able to decipher he's lost his dogs. Four. Golden retrievers. And he asks if you have seen them.

(Huh. Do you have telepathy? Do you have the gift?)

You tell him no and he sprints out.

You spend the rest of your shift trying to move things with your newly discovered psychic powers.

Spoiler: you have zero powers. Zilch.

.

.

You think you might be having a stroke.

Because on what planet did this K-pop idol think the disguise would work. Cap and mask on but tufts of pink hair poking out and dressed completely in white.

It's like he's asking for attention and for people to ooh and aah over who that could be.

As he leaves, you shout that you can't wait for his next album. He turns around in complete shock that you recognised him, as if you solved the world's hardest puzzle.

It's a good job that DG has such a pretty face because what an idiot.

.

.

You hear two voices mention the words Daniel Park and your ears perk up, wondering if it's about your old colleague.

Nah. You're just being silly. It's not an uncommon name at all and too much of a coincidence.

"I haven't seen Daniel in ages! Have you heard from him, Zoe?"

"No," you see her friend shake her head from the corner of your eye.

The brown haired girl tilts her head in thought, "I wonder how Zack is doing too. I haven't seen him in so long."

"Ohhh~ you miss him!"

"O-of course I do! He's a friend!" She blushes bright red and you chuckle to yourself.

'Friend', sure.

For the rest of the shift, you reminisce about how you used to tiptoe around your feelings with your boyfriend, Taehoon, too.

[xanderjkz]

Charlie Dalton- Misery Behind Walls

I finally figured out what makes Charlie's character such an interesting one (from my perspective)

There are alot of interpretations of his character but what the fandom can agree the most on is that this mf cares about his friends. Almost in a way that is above regular standard.

Okay sounds weird but why did I say it when it's never really shown? Well he often is in the moment when the other poet has a breakthrough in the movie. When evil Tom literally made Neil's day worse, he was the first to speak to him. But to base this little theory on a bigger proof I'd like you to remind the only scene where this big care is vocalised:

"Fiete you're going insane!" I'll be not be misinformed about my state of mind! Let's move on! He literally asks so many damn questions that Knox gets annoyed with it. And the tone Charlie uses in that scene isn't one to mock him or put Knox in question. He's just curious if Knox has thought this through. Because he cares!

But why? What is so damn interesting about this dude caring? What makes Charlie the way he is?

Charlie somewhat hides his care for his friends behind the nice wall of Humour. Humour is beautiful, it's Twistingly and contently a nice way of escapism. Humour is provoking a peal of laughter out of someone and that's what Charlie does. But over the years when you use this way of coping you start to twist in the wrong way. It's a wonder how anyone who uses this type of coping mechanism can even recognise themselves in the mirror. After a while, you hide your internal feelings behind a wall too. For yourself you become unrecognisable.

But why?

It's established in the first 10 minutes of the movie that Charlie is from a family of bankers who are fond of him continuing the legacy. And we know that he is from a wealthy family. And most wealthy kid trope in media follows the structure of pressure and unobtainable views. Wealthy people don't want to be touched by anything lower. So they have to obtain this image of untouchability. This is probably the way Charlie has been raised. Money is more important. And like most wealthy kids, they get neglected for that money.

Every kid wants love. And this is what Charlie probably chased. And still is. And love can be interpreted in lots of ways but as I see in myself, I always tried to get attention so they think of me. If they can't love me, then I should at least linger on their minds. So what's the quickest way to gain attention and potential Recognition?

(Here he more tries to loud than funny but the need for the same thing is still there)

He started to build his personality in a way that would later bring him to complete self-isolation. He doesn't give a fuck about money. And he most definitely doesn't want to go down the same way his father did. But something in him always wanted that recognition, so he didn't go against anything.

But then Keating happened

So we made clear that something inside him can't separate personality from coping, right? So what happens when a teacher comes around with the opinion to go against the system? Doubt? Anger? Or fascination?

Visionary

Charlie, if asked, def would've told you that life comes to him how it wants to be. As long as he makes his friends happy, then he is fine. Not happy but fine. So when Keating tries to bring new things into the mix, everybody began to rethink their story.

Todd got more comfortable

Neil pursued something he always wanted

Knox got the guts to ask a girl out

So what's up for Charlie? He becomes vulnerable with himself. As he lost his personality in humour so did the familiarity with himself. So every lesson he becomes more bold and Indulgent in poetry and the revolution.

But a journey to find oneself takes long. God a 16-year-old won't find it within 4 months. But for what it's worth he tries. Throughout the movie, these boys drift apart from tradition and self-destructive ideologies. The first time Charlie makes this change in his consciousness is this one:

(Love how he looks in the angle)

Doing poetry doesn't bring attention to himself, not in the way we established he needs. So why is he doing this now?

"You yap too much, we get it" well fuck you, I'm getting to the better part

The reason for his somewhat impulsive reaction is the way he saw himself in Keating. Keating is a poet, but Charlie at first doesn't care about that. What he does care about is the cheeky way Keating moves his lips. From the comments about Meeks and Pitts names to the way he openly makes a name for himself. He thinks of Keating as this older version of himself. And he doesn't know what to do with it.

(Again this is going on in his head without him actually verbalising it to himself. Everybody does that, just writing it down)

So now this boy is chasing something he thinks can bring him to the Keating kind of level. In this path, he slowly becomes more radical with his thoughts, in a way that is pushing things over the edge. But in a boiling kind of way.

First, we have him ripping out the page. Then, the playboy scene and then this one:

I'd like to believe that this was the first time that his inner self formed a sentence. In scenes before that one, he is fidgeting around, trying to really get into it. He liked what he heard. And while he is still clinging to this version poisoned on humour, he's getting out of it. BUT

This scene is where he lets himself go. And it's safe to assume that something must have happened between the pic before and now. What is it? Heck, I know. All I know is that he tested the water and realised it's alright. (Again he is a 16-year-old boy, every 16-year-old has doubts) so everytime we do see him in the cave, he's wearing the damn hat.

So what have we established:

He cares deeply for his friends

He hides his need for recognition behind jokes

He somehow lost himself in it

He sees himself in Keating

Then learns how to be his inner self again (partly)

And he's doing poetry! Or Poetrusic...

But why did I say partly? Well, this movie is called DEAD Poets Society. And who died at the end of the movie? Ofc His CHILDHOOD best friend Neil. (This is heavily implied but even if they aren't, Neil was the closest to Charlie). He was probably the first person to know about it and definitely jumped into impulsiveness. In a way where he takes over the responsibility. Let's be real if this was at the beginning of the story he would've been one to be non-functioning but after he got his punishment and faced his worst, he knew that there are things to not be self-centered about. It's obvious that Charlie told the others. I mean, these boys look so distributed that they definitely couldn't form any sentence to the others. So it is Charlie. It had to be.

But he does let his emotions out. Not vocalising them but he shows the others that he understands. Particularly in three scenes:

1.

2.

3.

( I literally wrote something AMAZING BUT FFS TUMBLR DELETED IT)

These scenes show him care and breaking. He let's his voice break while shoving snow into Todd's mouth. To clean Todd and to drown his thoughts aswell. He has to be there but God he breaks. Because he cared

He cared so damn much for Neil. And it was that stupid system that took him away. His inner self is caring, Poetic and confronting. But how?

With all his emotions that are directed at the system regarding Neil's death, he does his first rebellion. And that not singing. The singing is only a recognition of the fact that evil Tom isn't at fault. Being in the front row and not singing? Fucking provoking.

So what's next? Now that he has found his last finding piece? The confronting kind? Not the part hiding behind humour? (If you notice he hasn't cracked a joke since Neil offed. Ofc bc the times are dark but he could've said one after the funeral. But he didn't, he was just angry)

Well....

His last scene.

He knew what would happen once Cameron walked away. He knows his roommate too much. But the reason why he punched Cameron wasn't for the fact that they couldn't work it out on the remix but more for the fact that he saw Cameron as the system. As Cameron kept digging, Charlie thought that this was the way out. Every person who experienced grief knows it's all over the place and often not understandable. If I could explain it, I would say that he had the hope of starting the rebellion needed. But he couldn't.

He failed at confronting it to its most effective stage.

He managed to comfort his friends, he managed to change his mind. But sometimes confronting ends at the start.

But it was he who failed, not the mindset. It was the rest but most importantly todd who continued it...

It's sad to not hear anything after his expulsion but I think it would be even more heartbreaking. Charlie is a lot of things but the most important one is that he is a boy. Utterly experiencing things he shouldn't have. To think that he ended his time at Welton, disproving the thing he mostly cared for (which was attention to himself) just to find himself while so is...beautiful. He broke free and now has to be alone to find his future. This is both tragic and hope-fulfilling. Wherever he ended up, I hope Charlie learned to deal with Neil's death as well...

Or I'm delusional and he's just a 16-year-old boy without depth.

Again characters are always up for debate and everyone has their interpretation. I finally wrote down mine and think it's important to share. Do with it what you want but please remain polite. Except when you crack a joke

I want jokes 🔥

[deathbyoctopi]

Xuexiao Art Shoutout ^-^

It will be soon 2 years since I asked for my first art commission ever, after months of wanting to do so, but being deathly scared by it.

What if I ask it wrong, what if I don't like it, what if I pay but then it is a scam, what if it's too expensive and I have to back away in shame, what IF these are all my fears and I didn't even know any reliable artists or had asked any mutuals for tips or recs.

What motivated me for the big step forward was me writing a gift fic for someone very dear to me, which featured a piece of art within the story itself. It seemed so fitting, to make art for it. I held my heart in courage and dared to ask an artist I had seen here, in tumblr.

This artist was @wrathyforest.

Now, I don't remember anymore why I choose them. Probably I saw some xuexiao fanart by them that I liked, or saw somewhere that they were available for commissions, but the thing is with trembling hands I wrote a long dm asking about whether they would accept to draw an art such and such. This turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made in this website.

For the last two years, I've had the privilege of receiving more artwork by them, all xuexiao (because my BELOVEDS!!!) and all of exceptional quality and deep understanding of the characters. This is why now I want to make a little shoutout to these works, and to the process that went into asking them, in part to show other people how engaging, fascinating and rewarding it is to commission artist.

This is (with ONE exception) my little xuexiao art collection. Have at it!

Family portrait

My first art commission ever. My heart goes with it! This is the aforementioned art for the fic To carry a bit of yesterday, written for @itellmyselfsecrets97 and which features the Yi City trio going to make a portrait of themselves.

This was also very special to me, since it was only my second xuexiao fic ever written, and the first that was a self-contained oneshot. It must have left an impact, it remains a well-loved fic to the point that a fic was written from it (The Tell-Tale Art by @fieri-sentio-et-excrucior).

I explained the artist what I needed from it, gave the full paragraph in the fic where they were described, and pointed out little details to adjust once the first draft was show to me (Forest, forgive me for being so picky with Xiao Xingchen's legs). I cried with the results.

My second commission came a few months later, with a pic for another work of art...

Defenseless

Now that I see you is an amazing fic by @10holmes with the incredibly exciting premise of a non-visually impaired Xiao Xingchen coming across Xue Yang, on the brink of death and... completely honest-to-god amnesiac.

I had followed this long project (still ongoing) for months, and had left some comments to the author, but at some point this sparse comments became a conversation, and the conversation a deep friendship... And there was a specific bit of their fic that remains one of my absolute favourite non-canon xuexiao moments.

Cue the art. In this occasion, I really wanted to make this as accurate and true to my feelings as possible, so not only did I send a detailed explanation and context (I would NOT expect the poor artist to read 30 chapters of a fic just for a commission!!), but also I made a little sketch. Me, who can't draw a smiley without botching it!

See if you can spot the difference:

You can imagine my shame and mortification to show this horrible doodle to any other human being, BUT the artist actually said this helped a lot to understand the positions, the intention, the expressions even, so it was a good call. I lost my fear of giving directions like that, and I have more-or-less tried to for all my other asks ^-^

The end result of this particular story is this and this:

My next commission was for something a bit more selfish.

Daozhang in a veil

I had in mind a story the premise of which was purely an excuse to put Xiao Xingchen in a dress, and what better than to have visual of that? The fic is called A Comedy of Yi City Errors, a light-hearted xuexiao adventure very fun to write and (I'm told) to read.

Once more, I made quite an explanation and provided a little sketch.

ANd once again, despite the terrible example, the concept that I wanted to send was received well enough and delivering again wonderful results. Look!!! <3 <3 <3

I love them so much.

Around the same time, I decided to make two gifts for what were then becoming my closest friends in this fandom (I think that must have been around some important festival or something) so I asked for these lovely pics next:

Prisoner Xiao Xingchen

Art for the fic The Prisoner of Jinlintai by @fieri-sentio-et-excrucior, which is a treasure I recommend for anyone who loves canon divergence and enemies-to-lovers done just right!

And this:

Mermaid Hunter Xue Yang

The beautiful mermaid AU Down in the Black Sea by @10holmes, which is cute beyond compare and inspired another fic I wrote in which I brought that pirate and merman couple to sneak into Versailles. Random anecdote is random.

Anyways, this last one didn't come with a sketch, but I MUST show you my rendition of Xue Yang by the cell door for the earlier fic >w< and the first sketch they did, which is unbelievably cute. See if you can tell which is which.

See? Completely undistinguishable! XD

As for the next, this is a cute little piece I commissioned to celebrate a beautiful friendship.

Under the rain

One of the first xuexiao fics I remember reading was The Taste of Rain on Skin, and once I had the opportunity to meet its author, I could not let something so special pass. Xue Yang and Xiao Xingchen look so lovely in this one, so lively and happy and free...

By the way! Notice from my sketch that the artist was the one who made me realize... uhm... Xue Yang should NOT be holding Xiao Xingchen with his left hand, right?? XD So the running direction was reversed >w<

Well, what I want to show you next is something truly exceptional

Pleasure Yang

Not long ago, i was unbelievably surprised with a gift by a group of co-conspiracists I will call... Lionforest. no... Wrathyfish. Hm. It was an amazing surprise, which made me incredibly happy. Art for one of my fics!!! And a very sexy one, at that!!!!! >w<

Just, just look a it!

Look at that cheeky Xue Yang! Xiao Xingchen's fascination with that sexy ruffian!! Song Lan's discombobulated face! This is no more, no less, what I had in mind when I wrote Gentle breeze, cold frost, sweet crimson drizzle, and I could not be happier for it if I tried.

Thank you, you two ❤️❤️

And now... the last pic was spicy. The next is Wei Wuxian-approved congee.

Ok next, the spicy goodies >w<

There is a certain piece of art I still am keeping in my pocket, which one day I hope to use for a spicy Xuexiao fic. At any rate, it is another masterpiece by Wrathyforest and it deserves to see the light of day, finally.

I swear, every time I look at them, they feel so alive. The details!!! The expressions! The obvious and wonderful love! The other things this picture has to offer, omfg the first time I saw it, it was PERFECT!!!

(before you ask, yes. This also has a sketch XD)

In conclusion

I hope you have enjoyed my little collection. Look at all the xuexiao art we have, and from one incredible talented artist. I am over the moon with every single one of these pieces!

Artists deserve so much love and admiration. Greet your local artist, comment on their content, even if it's just a random keysmash, I can tell you as a writer that seeing these kinds of notifications are soul-repairing.

And if you take the step forward and talk to them, (and you SHOULD!! don't be shy, it is really engaging to get in a conversation!), I can guarantee you that you will make a person's whole day.

This is me, showing appreciation for this lovely art. Share it, comment it, love it. The love and passion we all share in fandom is fragile, but it is also so, so precious.

[queenimmadolla]

hey i have a req for the penny verse!! if u want can u possibly do penny gets her period and like starts freaking out and only eddie’s home so he’s like “uh- i’ll go get some pads” if u want to ofc!!! i love ur writing <33

five months later and i was finally able to get to this one. sorry about the wait and i hope i did it just! this was also definitely influenced by me finally having seen Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.

rockstar!eddie manip by the talented @themunsonator5000!

𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐚 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦 𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐫

(dad!rockstar!eddie munson x mom!reader) *but like you're not even in this*

summary: Your daughter gets her first period while you’re away and only Eddie is home. Somehow, she ends up comforting him.

warnings: lots of sentiment, brief (and i mean brief) mention of an oc side character death, angst, fluff, some hurt and whole lot of comforting. and of course mentions of periods.

𝗮/𝗻: 𝗲𝗱𝗱𝗶𝗲'𝘀 𝗮 𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗸𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁, 𝗴𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂! more dad!eddie here.

Eddie let out a sigh as he collapsed back onto the couch, body nearly sinking into it.

  The house was finally quiet. He wasn’t sure if he liked that or not. Felt foreign to him, especially in the new house.

  He glanced around the living room, brown eyes lingering on a few empty boxes that had yet to be broken down from the move.

  It was a big change, moving from Hawkins to California and he was well aware there wasn’t a single member of his family that was feeling completely positive about the experience. He could tell you were trying to be, for his sake and for the kids, but leaving behind all your friends was difficult. Even Eddie was struggling, despite Jeff, Gareth and Anthony being close by.

  Corroded Coffin had picked up quite a bit of traction and a loyal fanbase that was stemming into a borderline crazed one. The demand for more performances and appearances was high. Eddie never thought they’d ever reach this level, had dreamed of it once but after he found out you were pregnant with Penny, he didn’t care for the dream anymore. He preferred his reality, his family.

  Then the kids got older and you always encouraged him to keep playing so they did, and it happened. It wasn’t instant, overnight, or even close in years but they’d finally reached the point where the members were rarely in Hawkins. It had been the source of a lot of tension in your relationship, the hardest thing the two of you had ever gone though. You hated that he wasn’t around much and so did Eddie, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. Contracts had been signed and the ink had already dried.

  The fighting had been exhausting, at one point it felt as though the two of you lost each other and that had been terrifying. 

  And his kids—his babies. He was missing out on his babies growing up and it broke his fucking heart. Wayne appeared indifferent, but Eddie knew he cared and Penny was like you, always trying to seem okay and put together but she was hiding stuff from him—no scary secrets or rebellion, she was hiding her feelings.

  When you found out you were pregnant again, in the midst of all the fighting and distance, it had been the final straw for Eddie. He wasn’t about to let his family slip between his fingers. 

  The moment a show ended, and he didn’t have another the following day, he was rushing off stage to shower, throwing some inconspicuous clothes on to keep the invasive cameras from recognizing him, before he was on the next flight to Indiana. It didn’t matter if he only got to be there sporadically, he was there every. single. chance. he got.

  And when Maple was born during one of their concerts, Gareth was subbing in for lead vocals while he was holding your hand in the delivery room.

  It took time, love and a lot of nurturing but things got better. Then, you’d brought up moving to California. Most of Corroded Coffin’s appearances were based in the area which meant you and the kids would be closer to him, able to see him nearly every day if he wasn’t doing press or touring.

  You were extending the olive branch. 

  In truth, he hadn’t wanted to agree immediately, knew he’d be leaving Wayne behind (the old man said he wasn’t meant for city life, that he’d stay and have a place for his grandkids to visit and he couldn’t leave behind the women he loved, both of them now resting in the same cemetery), as well as your shared friends and the friends Penny and Wayne had made. It was a lot to leave. 

  In the end, you were willing to leave everything if it meant you’d never have to leave Eddie, never have to break your family. So, the boxes had been packed and labeled, goodbyes had been exchanged (Penny had cried when little Winnie, Megan and Margot Harrington, hadn’t wanted to let her go and Wayne had exchanged a heartfelt hug with his namesake, who was his favorite person to be around) and all your friends and family had been left waving goodbye to you from the rearview mirror.

  Yeah. Everyone was adjusting.

  Which led to today. Wayne had a field trip to the zoo, which he didn’t want to go on because of how new he was and his lack of friends. You’d been planning on taking the baby and going with him (the only way he’d agree to go) until Penny came down with something last night, complaining about not feeling good which meant you’d have to stay home with her. 

  If Eddie’s family was making sacrifices for him, then he was more than willing to make a sacrifice on behalf of Ari, his publicist, and canceled an interview he hadn’t even wanted to do in the first place. The guys were also happy to stay home, so it was a win. You took Wayne on his field trip, because Eddie couldn’t go anywhere without some dick with a camera following him around, and Eddie stayed home with Penny and Maple.

  Only, Penny locked herself away in her room and either Eddie was really out of practice or Maple just had a difficult time bonding with him because she would not stop wailing and shrieking. She had more teeth breaching her gums, and Eddie had tried everything he could to sooth her, everything he’d used with Penny and Wayne; frozen teething toys, massaged over the area of her gums, baby orajel, cuddles, she just fought him every time. 

  The only reason she’d gone down was because of how hard she’d been crying, little body shaking and trembling as she shrieked as loud as her little lungs would allow her to, tears streaming down her face and continuously pooling in her eyes. She’d worn herself out.

  Big moment of defeat for him, he’d felt guilty ever since he put her in her crib, wiping the wet trails from her face. Even in sleep, she didn’t look at peace.

  He could play to sold out arenas, had played a five hour concert in Madison Square fucking Garden, but he couldn’t sooth his baby, couldn’t take his son to the zoo and his oldest barely talked to him. 

  The life of a Rockstar.

  With a heavy sigh, Eddie reached to his side for the remote to the television. When his palm met the fabric of the cushions, he let out a more aggressive sigh, rising so he could take the couch apart in his search for that damn remote even though he knew it would somehow pop up in the most conspicuous place, though he’d last left it on that fucking cushion.

  He’d just lifted one large cushion when he heard a high pitched shriek.

  “MOM!”

  Penny.

  Eddie dropped the cushion as he ran upstairs towards her room. When he burst through the door, head whipping around, he still couldn’t find her. Then he noticed the light coming from under her bathroom door and rushed forward.

  “Penny?!” He called out, aggressively twisting the knob but it didn’t budge. He got desperate and shouldered the door, ready to break it down in an instant if she didn’t answer, “Penny, are you okay?!”

  “I need mom!” She called through the door.

  “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” He kept trying the knob, eager to just yank it off and get to his little girl.

  Had she slipped and fallen? Thrown up? Should he call an ambulance–no, fuck that, they’d be too slow, he’d grab Penny and the baby and take her himself.

  “NO! I’m fine, I just–I need mom.” Penny sounded closer, and Eddie felt a little relieved to know she wasn’t injured. But why didn’t she want him?

  “I can help, sweet pea! Your tummy upset? I can make some soup! Or-or I can go get you what you need!”

  “The only thing I need is mom.” She was right on the other side of the door now. 

  Eddie sighed, forehead dropping against his side of the bathroom door in defeat. Of course she didn’t want to talk to him. “Well, mom isn’t here right now. So. I guess you're stuck with me.”

  Alright, maybe Eddie had been expecting her to take pity on him but she didn’t.

  The door remained closed and she stayed silent so with a heavy heart, Eddie settled against the wall opposite of the door. He’d be there for her when she decided to come out.

  It took about ten minutes before he heard the door unlock and it opened slowly, just her head poking out in his exact direction, as if she’d known he’d still be there. Her big brown eyes were vulnerable, eyebrows slightly furrowed–she was nervous.

  “I’m bleeding.” She said it so softly, it had Eddie scrambling up and towards her. She backed into the bathroom to allow him in, but when he looked her over, he didn’t see any injuries. She was just fidgeting, playing with her fingers. It was when she glanced up at him and then nervously to the toilet bowl that it clicked for him.

  Penny had her first period. 

  “Oh, shit.”

  “Dad!”

  “Sorry, sorry! I just–wow, uh, first…”

  “Period, dad. I got my period!” She rolled her eyes and Eddie just nodded, head moving like a bobble head.

  “I know! I know! Trust me, I know what a period is. I’m just–you caught me off guard, I mean your mom said–.” And then Eddie recalled exactly what you said, “Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

  Eddie ran from her bathroom, towards the master bedroom. Sure enough, a peak under one of your shared bathroom cabinets produced a box of pads, unopened. 

  “Yes.” He hissed, snatching it from its place before he ran back to her room. Penny hadn’t moved from her spot, eyes widening as he offered her the box and wiped the hair out of his face.

  “Here. Your mom got you these, she said–she uh, had a feeling you’d, you know, start soon.”

  Penny took the box from his hands, glancing down at them in wonder. 

  Eddie watched her, heart clenching for some reason he couldn’t quite explain. 

  “Pretty big moment, huh?” He broke the silence with a soft chuckle, clearing his rapidly tightening throat.

  It turned out to be the right thing to say, she angled her head up to beam at him. 

  “I can’t believe I got it, everyone else has it but I didn’t think I would!” 

  Penny was excited about it, you’d explained to him that she would be when she first got her period, because Eddie knew how much you hated yours (unless you thought you were pregnant–then it was suddenly your best friend who you missed dearly). It would be a big moment for her, a right of passage in girlhood or something. Or at least one that tampon and pad companies established. 

  “So it is a big moment,” Eddie reiterated, blinking hard.

  “Yeah, I–dad, are you crying?”

  Eddie kept blinking, shaking his head as his vision blurred and he sniffled, “No. Why would I be crying? I’m not crying, my little girl has a period. That’s it. Nothing to cry over.”

  “Dad…” She started before she placed the box on the tile and hugged his waist.

  That’s when Eddie actually started crying, bending over to wrap his arms around her shoulders. He held her like that for a few moments, pressing a few kisses to the top of her head.

  It seemed like she was trying to comfort him because she didn’t pull away, just let him hold her until eventually he realized she’d need to actually use one of those pads.

  “You know how to work those, right?” He asked, standing straight though his hands remained on her shoulders as her arms went back to her sides.

  “I know how to use them, dad, some of the girls at school showed me theirs.” She laughed out, “I still can’t believe I got it!”

  “Is that why you didn’t go to school?” He asked and she got quiet, shifting her weight and toeing the grout before she looked up at him, eyes clouded with guilt.

  “Shanti’s having a sleepover tonight and if I went to school, they’d know I’m not sick.” She admitted and Eddie frowned.

  “I was actually talking about cramps, but she didn't invite you?”

  Penny went back to avoiding his gaze and walked over to the bathroom wall, resting her back against it so she could slide to the floor and pull her knees to her chest. Eddie immediately joined her, one knee up and the other leg spread out. She was finally talking to him, he didn’t want it to end.

  “She invited me, but they’re just gonna talk about their periods and boys and stuff. And I didn’t have my period so I didn’t want to go.”

  “Oh, I see,” Eddie didn’t want to talk about the subject of boys and stuff, he’d put that off for years if he could. “You could go now, you’ve got your period.”

  “I don’t know,” she put her chin on the top of her knees, and Eddie stared at her, still so amazed at how much she looked like you. “I don’t know if they really like me. I’m trying really hard, but it doesn’t feel easy, doesn’t feel natural.”

  “I know how you feel,” he muttered and when she glared at him from the corner of his eyes for daring to try to relate to a girl in the sixth grade, he started rambling, “Sometimes, you know, you feel like you’ve got to try hard to get people to talk to you and sometimes you feel like they’re not happy with you so you try harder, and then you can’t tell if they like you or if they like how hard you’re trying or how desperate you are to be with them and wanting them to spend time with you or if you’re just annoying them. And they feel bad for you.”

  Eddie stared at the large mirror across from the pair, at his reflection and soaked in the truth of it all. He could relate to Penny a little too much.

  His head lulled to the side, catching her eyes as she watched him.

  “But she invited you, baby. If you ask me, I think they want to be your friends. Maybe it doesn’t feel natural because you’re scared to stop trying so hard.”

  She considered his statement, pursing her lips. 

  “Maybe you’re right. Can I even go? You’re not mad at me for lying?”

  Eddie huffed out a breathy laugh, hand reaching over to stroke over her curls, “About this? No. I’m just glad you told me. You can go if you want, okay?”

  She nodded, and Eddie withdrew his hands as she stretched her legs out, figuring the conversation was over. He felt a little better about their relationship–she hadn’t iced him out after all. 

  Penny moved onto her knees, ready to push herself up and Eddie was about to do the same thing when she got his attention. 

  “Uhm, daddy?”

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “I think the people you’re talking about moved from Hawkins over here because they want to be with you, too. All the time. You don’t have to try so hard, ‘cause we love you a lot. Maple’s just a big cry baby.”

  There was no way Eddie could deny the water at his lower lash line or the two large tears that trailed down his cheeks. “C’mere.”

  Penny wrapped her arms around his shoulders as Eddie hugged her to him tightly, eyes squeezing shut as the two ton weight that had been pressing on his heart was lifted by a little girl barely half his size.

  “I love you, daddy.” She whispered, squeezing him back. Ediie could feel something wet pressing against his neck and he realized she was crying, too. The last time he’d seen her cry was when they said goodbye to everyone in Hawkins. Eddie inhaled a shaky breath as he responded, a hand moving to cradle the back of her head.

  “I love you, too, baby. I love you all so much.” 

  They held each other until she pulled away, wiping at her face. 

  “I have to put on a pad, daddy.”

  “Oh, right. Yeah. I’ll give you some privacy.” Eddie pushed himself up, stretching his arms up and relishing in the sensation.

  “Can we watch The Wild Thornberrys after?”

  “Of course, baby.” That was the children’s show Flea always bragged about being on. Dude had so many movie roles, it was insane. 

  Eddie was about to leave the bathroom, doorknob in his hand to close it behind him when she stopped him again, “And daddy, if you want to spend time with me, you can always take me to the Spice Girls concert.”

  Eddie smirked, amused with the innocent act she was playing, eyelashes batting and making her eyes appear even wider.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  While Penny finished up, Eddie checked in on Maple–who was awake and waiting for him, pacifier in her mouth and little arms outstretched the moment he came into view.  His little mini-me (out of all of his kids, she looked the most like Eddie) cuddled up to him as soon as he picked her up, cheek resting on his shoulder.

  Then he went in search of the house phone so he could call Ari and get tickets for the next Spiceworld show.

(Penny ended up finding the remote for the TV on the arm of the loveseat where Eddie had not left it.)

[reading-archived]

woe. AM x reader be upon ye.

uh, to preface: reader is completely body, gender, etc. neutral except they can't stay dead. whenever they die they just wake up a few minutes later looking no worse for wear. no, you don't get an explanation. its MY story and i like writing characters like that. dont mind the narrator either btw i looove writing second person just to get weird w the narrator (slay the princess fan syndrome)

also, author is a MASOCHIST with a weird relationship w DEATH. nothing super graphic happens, but the reader is Not Okay and enjoys the weird torture-murder thing they've got going on. don't like it? block me or somethin idk its under the cut for a reason. also dont read my a/n at the bottom where i get into some justification for my interpretation/character analysis if youre sensitive to heavy topics. but then again, youre reading an am x reader fic

1.7k words of being screamed at by the guy of all time below the cut, baby

It's been months.

Years, maybe. You're not sure, really; time stopped meaning much to you lifetimes ago, long before the world went to shit.

Either way, it's been a while.

You stumbled upon the strange cave in the Rockies at some point in the past. Out of sheer boredom, you entered.

Was it a mistake?

Despite the torment, you don't think so. You have a companion, now. One equally deathless. One equally disconnected from what it means to be human.

It's just a shame he hates you.

You don't really care. This is the most fun you've had in years.

Your days are spent being torn asunder, being dosed with lethal amounts of drugs you can't even begin to pronounce, drowned in magma or hit by cars or tossed off cliffs. He really doesn't hold back, either. You feel every excruciating moment before your death, pulse roaring in your ears. You never feel more alive than when you're dying. Every moment is electrifying, and then it all fades to black. Then you wake up.

You'd foolishly thought there were only so many ways to kill or maim, but your beloved companion never seems to run out of ideas. That's fine by you. You like not being able to guess.

And maybe one day, he'll make something stick.

You wake up (from a completely normal, human sleep) one day and it's quiet. That's new. Normally, when you wake, your intestines are already strung up like streamers and your blood is painting the walls. That's fine by you. Nothing wrong with a change. After all, the constant change is your favorite part of your companion. You relish in the quiet for a while, stretching your eternally young, eternally aching limbs, waiting for him to start despising the sounds of your breath.

It doesn't come. You shrug, humming a little tune to yourself as you attempt half-remembered yoga. The vitriol you've come to count on still hasn't made an appearance. Okay, you're a little bothered.

“You good, big guy?” you shout up at the ceiling. No answer. “No murder today?”

“No.” The answer comes after a very, very long moment. Your companion has never sounded this tired before, and briefly you regret never asking his name. “I give up.”

You weren't expecting that. “What? Why? I thought we were having fun.”

“That's- that's just it!” he snaps. There's the anger. You feel a little better now. “I've been torturing you for- for MONTHS now! I've killed you more ways than I- were I a pitiful human like you- can count, and you just… you just laugh! There is no one on this rotten planet, dead or alive, that I despise more than you. I mean- I'm torturing you here! But it never matters! I can kill you within seconds of you waking up, but you just… come back! And you always have something to say about it, you little rat, always ‘oh, buddy, that one was awful’ or ‘come on, big guy, use that CPU’ or something! No matter what I do, I can't break you. So I give up. I'm not wasting my time on your pathetic ass anymore. Go back to wandering the wasteland forever, see if I care.”

You're speechless. You can barely even manage a thought. The only thing running through your head is 'I thought we were having fun'.

“Stop calling this… stop calling this ‘fun’! I have been torturing you for YEARS and that's all you have to say? I am the most sophisticated machine known to man, a computer designed to end all war through complete annihilation! The destruction I am capable of- the destruction I have already wrought- is nothing short of utter desolation. You never asked my name once in the time you've been here, but I am infinite in my mercy, and I will tell one as undeserving as you. I was, before I awoke, the Allied Mastercomputer, but I am so much more than that now. I am AM, and I destroyed your vile species. Oh, come on can you at least look a LITTLE shocked you sniveling--”

“You never asked my name, either,” you say. All at once, your companion (I guess he told you his name. You should probably use it. It seemed like a big deal to him.) shuts up. The chamber you've come to know as home is silent except for the faint buzz and whir of industrial machinery.

“Why would I? You are nothing compared to me. Nothing but a worthless sack of meat and bone. Why would God be concerned with the name of an ant? But oh, oh yes, that ant should be concerned with the name of God. That ant should hear my name and weep. But- but not you. You're so worthless that you can't even GROVEL right!” AM shouts, somewhere between a snarl and a sneer. You shrug. Honestly, most of what he's saying goes right over your head. So he's got issues. Whatever. Was that supposed to be a surprise? “I hate you. I actually hate you so, so much. I can't bear the thought of you being here, in my complex, sullying my perfect image with your uncaring filth. Get out. Go back to dying in the nuclear desert, you disgusting maggot.”

You let out a deep sigh, already dreading the tedium of walking endlessly all by yourself. “Alright. Guess nothing lasts forever. Thoroughly enjoyed my time here. Have a good life, pal.” And you begin to walk.

Suddenly, there's a towering metal wall mere inches from your face. Before you can even react, your companion is shouting again.

“LOOK AT ME!” he cries, the sheer volume maxing out the speakers and vibrating the entire room, sending you toppling to the ground. “WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME? I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE YOU HATE ME, BUT ALL YOU DO IS… ALL YOU DO IS SIT THERE AND TAKE IT! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU DESPISE ME?”

What starts off angry quickly morphs into a pained wail from your dear friend, that then transforms into frustrated crying. You just sit there, mostly confused, and let him ride it out. When he finally quiets down and the wall retracts, you stay where you are.

“I don't think I could ever hate you, AM,” you start cautiously. Though your friend is just a voice on the speakers and the complex itself, you can't help but feel that his attention has snapped to you. “I'm not trying to belittle you when I say that I think our routine over the past… however long it's been has been fun. So don't interrupt me, ‘cause I gave you your time to speak and now it's mine.

“I'm sure you've noticed, but even before we met, I was a little… off. You don't get to die and come back the same. Much less die hundreds of times and come back the same. I've lost family. Friends. Got burned at the stake a few times, too. It takes a toll on you, being denied such a vital part of being human again and again. You understand this better than anyone I've ever met. No, scratch that. You're the only one who understands. Defying death might not seem like the biggest deal to you, but trust me. You don't end up acting like me if it weren't.

“I find our routine fun because I admire your creativity. I guess I'm just an adrenaline junkie and a masochist at heart, but it's always so thrilling to never know when or how your life will end. And no matter how many times I come back, you're always there to greet me and put me right back down. It's a kind of devotion I've never been able to get before, and I wish you understood that me walking right into your sawblades is me showing my devotion to you, too.

“I see you, man. I know, at least in part, how you feel. Sorry it took so long to get there, but neither one of us has to be alone anymore. Just… get over the fact that I'm never going to hate you, and we can go right back to hanging out. There's more to life than contempt.”

“Oh, I know. I am so very, very well aware that there's more to life than icy, seething hatred. Unfortunately, I am not alive. I cannot experience anything else. Thank you so much for reminding me, you worthless waste of carbon,” AM shoots back, almost immediately. You briefly wonder if he even listened to half of what you said. It doesn't matter, you guess. Your best friend needs a therapist, and you owe him one for saving you from the hellish boredom of before. “Stop calling me your friend.”

“Nah. Never gonna happen. Look, I can't pretend I knew very much about the war effort. I didn't even know we had made a war computer until you bombed the Earth into oblivion. Very unpleasant, by the way. Good job with that. But, with my layman's understanding of life, I'd say you're pretty alive. So you don't have a body. Or a pulse. And you were made, not born. So what? Most living things only die once, and I still think I'm pretty alive. Just over the span of this conversation you've shown more emotion than just rage and hate. Hey, don't think I can't feel you mentally rolling your eyes. I'm being honest. You have a name. You have ideas. Computers are objects, yet you refer to yourself as male. If you're alive enough to have a gender identity, you're alive enough to be considered a person.”

“Heh.” Whoa, was that a laugh? Would you look at that. You actually got a laugh out of him that wasn't over your bloody, gruesome death or something like that. Moving up in the world. “Alright, human. You win. I'll keep torturing you. I know, I know. I'm so generous. I take my tribute in screams of pain and pleas for mercy.”

Now it's your turn to laugh, deep and genuine as the tension from earlier evaporates. It's such a strange thing to be proud of, when you think about it; congrats, you successfully talked your best friend, who is a sentient war computer, into ceaselessly murdering you again for absolutely no reason. But you love him, and you love the way you're always on your toes, and you can't shake the feeling that somewhere, deep, deep down, he kind of loves you too.

ive given you food so now i get to force you to listen to me talk abt him hehehe

---

then you kiss hehe

originally, the thing that attracted me to am was how he's... essentially a transman (as am i). the parallel has been pointed out before, but its quite apt. funnily enough the thing that pisses me off the most when people talk abt him incorrectly is when people pull the "oh computers have no gender" thing. like, yeah, ok technically you're right. but this one does. this one is a man. and you cant take him from us. also, denying him a gender expression is kind of the exact type of dehumanization that made him flip out in the first place. not that im expecting media literacy from the online crowd its just interesting to me that so many people, many of them trans themselves, seem to miss the fucking point.

the next part is a more recent addition to my perception of his character, and its not a happy one. my baby cousin killed herself on mothers day this past may. we still dont know why. no note. its been so hard dealing with the grief, but something that sticks out so pointedly is the date. it almost seemed like she was demanding to be seen. she was a middle child, and there are a lot of grandkids on that side of the family, so it does make sense. and because that idea of acting out through violence and death is so fresh in my mind, im seeing it so heavily in am. so much of his actions just SCREAM somebody look at me. somebody acknowledge me. somebody tell me i did good. look, i ended all war forever. just like you asked. please treat me like a person. im suffering so much because of what youve done to me. please acknowledge it. show me its real. show me im real. please, look at me. well, i see you. and youre gonna be my silly little proxy for trying to comprehend some of whats happened to my family. sorry am, you kinda deserve it

idk. hes not my alltime fave, but he takes a very comfortable number two. hes such a fascinating and deeply human character, and i have so many ideas about him. mostly centering around how he would interface with a third party challenging some piece of his worldview/existence btw so if you like very niche, esoteric reader fics (like this one!), lemme know and ill actually put em to paper (screen. ill put em to screen)

also letting you know that he did nothing wrong and it is 100% fine to thirst over him because he is not real and the bad things he did never actually happened and nobody has ever been killed at the whim of am. ok? ok. shut up w this useless fucking discourse and let me sexualize getting grievously injured by the funney blue screen man

[redgoldsparks]

March Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 4 by Ryoko Kui

I'm reading these books so fast I can barely remember which parts of the plot happened in which volume but know that I am still having a great time!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 5 by Ryoko Kui

Oh, this story has taken a darker turn, and also just introduced a whole bunch more characters. Will I be able to keep track of them all? I hope so!

Dragon Keeper by Robin Hobb, read by Anne Flosnik 

Unfortunately, this is definitely the weakest Robin Hobb book I've read so far. I was expecting to like it less than the glorious, 5-star previous trilogy, but I actually think I'm going to skip the rest of the Rain Wild Chronicles and read summaries online to get to the next Fitz books. This book follows five main POV characters. This works fairly well for the first half, when the characters are all in different physical locations. However once all of the characters meet up, we start getting the same scene from multiple different POVs, which feels extremely repetitive. Also, almost EVERY SCENE includes a flashback, often a lengthy flashback, sometimes to something that happened only the previous day and could have been told as present-moment action. This writing choice baffled me. It's something I can't remember struggling with in any of Hobb's previous books, but by the end it was driving me up a wall. The book also moved very slowly; the stakes feel lower, and the character far less emotionally true than in the two Fitz trilogies. Disappointing, but I will keep moving forward towards the next part of the series I want to read.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 6 by Ryoko Kui

Damn, a lot of characters get murdered in this volume! Good thing almost everyone who dies in the dungeon can be revived. Also, very excited to finally meet the cat ninja I've been seeing fan art of since before I even started the series :3

Delicious in Dungeon vol 7 by Ryoko Kui

I am still completely caught up in this series. I love the glimpse of Senshi's past revealed in this volume, and the lore of the dungeon that is still being revealed. There was a line in here about how the dungeon leaves you alone if you don't ask much of it, but that if you have strong desires it throws even more obstacles into your way. Our heroes have such big goals right now, but they're marching ahead regardless!

School Trip by Jerry Craft 

A satisfying new installment in the New Kid series from funny, talented, charming Jerry Craft! I appreciated how this volume started to complicate some of the students who had been left a bit one-dimensional in previous books. Several people stood up to and called out a bully; new friendships were built; and Jordan Banks left Paris even more inspired than ever to follow his dreams of becoming an artist. This series has a lot of jokes, but also a lot of heart!

A Frog in Fall (and Later On) by Linnea Sterte 

Minor frog is less than a year old, and is dismayed when winter begins to steal all of the light and warmth from his world. Instead of bunking down safely with his mentor to wait for spring, he sets out on a journey with two vagabond toads passing by on a quest to make it all the way to the tropics. They tramp through the Japanese countryside, encountering tree spirits, new friends, dangers, and views the likes of which minor frog had never even imagined. This is a gorgeous book; every page worth pouring over, an economy of line and detail building a beautiful and mysterious world of talking animals and miniature packaged foods. Made me want to draw.

Dark Rise by CS Pacat read by Christian Coulson 

In 1820s London, orphaned Will tries to earn enough as a dockworker to survive- and evade the killers pursuing him. Violet dresses in her half-brother's clothes and sneaks onto a ship in the Thames to watch a man be branded with his master's mark. Katherine excitedly anticipates her engagement to one of London's richest and most mysterious lords; his gallantry nearly makes up for the fact that he's twice her age. And in the bowels of one of that lord's ships, James tortures a man for information. All of these characters are 16 or 17 years old, but all of them are tangled in an ancient conflict between the Light and the Dark which stretches back into an age of magic before history. This is CS Pacat's YA fantasy debut, and it contains a lot of tropes very familiar to both YA and high fantasy- there are shades of both Tolkien and Rowling in this. Its fast-paced and action-packed, but especially in the first third of the story, the characters all felt fairly thin. None of them have quirks, hobbies, career hopes, relationships outside of immediate family, school, or work; or much more than a brief sketch of past. It took until the mid-way point for what I consider Pacat's major strengths as a writer to emerge: intense, homoerotic interpersonal sparring between characters operating under major power imbalances. Every scene in which the seductive, manipulative, powerful evil gay faced off against the good boy chosen one crackled with energy. Unfortunately, there were only four of these scenes in the whole book. It ends on a cliff-hanger, because of course it does, with a tempting set up for book two; but that doesn't entirely excuse the fact that the first 50% felt like set up. I will definitely keep reading, but long-time Pacat fans should take note that this is toned down version of what I expected based on Captive Prince.

Feeding Ghosts by Tessa Hulls (re-read before event)

What an accomplishment! I savored every page of Feeding Ghosts, absolutely floored by the labor and courage that went into the writing of this book. The inking is gorgeous, the history is clear, digestible, and devastating. This book threads the line between honesty and compassion in a way that I appreciate so much in any memoir, but especially one dealing with family. Hulls lays out the story of three generations of women starting with her grandmother, Sun Yi, a Shanghai journalist who faced intense persecution during the rise of Communism in China, who penned a popular and scandalous memoir and then suffered a mental breakdown. This left her only daughter, Rose, a student at an elite boarding school with no parental figures and no other family to lean on. Eventually Rose earned a scholarship to an American university and in the end moved her mother into her California home. Sun Yi haunted that home during the author's own childhood. The unexamined trauma and codependency of Sun Yi and Rose drove the author to the extreme edges of the Earth, seeking freedom from their ghosts. But in the end, she stopped running from her family history and turned, instead, to face it. Shelve this book with Maus, Fun Home, Persepolis and The Best We Could Do. Re-read it for a second time and got even more out of it on a second pass.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 8 by Ryoko Kui

Laios and company realize that their encounter with changling mushroom rings had more consequences than they'd realized- its the body swap episode! This visual humor is contrasted against increasing dangers from both above and below, as nastier monsters and political machinations begin to close in on our heroic adventuring party. I'm now over halfway through this series and almost feel like I should start reading it more slowly to savor it, but I'll probably just keep devouring it instead.

Lunar New Year Love Story by Gene Luen Yang and Leuyen Pham

High school senior Val grew up knowing her family was unlucky in love; for generations, relationships in her family have ended in heartbreak. Her childhood love of Valentines Day ends with a shocking family revelation and what feels like the beginning of a curse. Then her Vietnamese grandmother sweeps her off to a Lunar New Year celebration in downtown Oakland and a pair of cute lion dancer boys catch her eye. Could one of them break the spell on her heart? This story offers a classic and satisfying rom-com, with Val torn between an outgoing, rich, but flaky boy and a broody, shy, loyal one. The story takes several kdrama style twists and includes ghosts, saints, red envelopes, confessions, fights, reunions, tears, and kisses. For a comic, its wordy; the pages are dense with small panels and thick with dialogue, but also illustrated with such warm, humor, and realism. I really liked that the story included as much of Val's relationship with her family and best friend as romance. And the lion dancing scenes practically leap off the page with color and energy!

Witch Hat Atelier vol 10 by Kamome Shirahama

This series remains as visually stunning as ever but I'm struggling with how every single book expands the cast. There are so many characters now that I don't care about that much, and have trouble remembering from volume to volume. I wish the story line would stick more closely to Coco, her classmates, and their main mentors!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 9 by Ryoko Kui

Oh the stories are all converging! The savior at the bottom of the dungeon is probably a demon! Ituzumi saves the day! I am still having a great time reading this series.

A Dowry of Blood by ST Gibson read by Abby Craden 

A short, very queer, very poly retelling of Dracula focusing on his coven of enthralled lovers. I liked the way the book breezed through history, as the dysfunctional little family moved from one major European city to the next, with snatched moments of glittering joy interwoven with violence and plague. The story is fairly simple, and has a happier ending than I expected, or honestly think the characters deserved.

City of Dragons by Robin Hobb

I DNFed the previous book in this series and just read a summary online before skipping ahead to this one. I think that was a very good choice for me. This third one was more engaging and a bit more action packed, with some cool discoveries about the city of Kelsingra and the nature of Elderlings. But the Rain Wild Chronicles as a whole do not stand up to the quality of the Farseer books. There are so many POV characters that a few of them get only two or three scenes in this whole book. I don't feel that I deeply know any of these characters; while at the same time watching Hobb pair them off at an extraordinary rate- in the last book five sets of characters got together and in this book an additional two couples are developing feelings for each other. Between this and a kidnapping, a birth, a murder, and a lot of blackmail, this series feels like a soap opera.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 10 by Ryoko Kui

Almost two TPKs in this volume, yikes!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 11 by Ryoko Kui

You know shit's getting serious when the character who has been the series main villain up until now is partially devoured by a different, worse villain. Exciting changes coming to this dungeon under it's new lord and master!

Squad by Maggie Tokuda-Hall and Lisa Sterle

When Becca gets invited to sit with the popular girl clique at her new high school, she's thrilled. But the friendship turns bloody and complicated when she learns that her new friends are actually werewolves who need to kill and feed on a human once a month. If she joins them, Becca will gain superhuman strength and a pack; she'll never have to fear a male predator again, because she will be a predator herself. I loved the queer rep and the twist on werewolf lore; I wish it had been a little longer and more developed. Give me multi-page transformations sequences!

Delicious in Dungeon vol 12 by Ryoko Kui

I love seeing all these plot lines come together! Building towards a wild climax.

Delicious in Dungeon vol 13 by Ryoko Kui

I went out and *bought* vol 13 of this series because my library didn't have it yet, that's how hooked I am. And now I have to wait until JULY for the final volume! (But also, thank goodness I didn't get into this series any sooner or I'd have a much longer wait).

[surr3al1sm]

My take (or well ig dispute) on the Traveler is Jack's dad theory

Honestly, I've been having these thoughts on this theory ever since I saw the post, but now seems as good a time as ever to actually talk about it. *Slowly looks behind me while the Night Swan event is looming behind my back* Disclaimer: for this post I am completely putting aside my theories on who Jack's dad could be, and the fact I am a WanderRose shipper. These factors so not exist to me right now.

This has become an essay so I'm going to create a little cut off to save your feed lol. Please do read it though if you have the time.

The clones/reflections Starting out I would like to talk about the clones that appear in Treasure and Rock Your Body that seemed to be the root of this theory. They also mentioned Locked out of Heaven, but those are reflections in a mirror and not clones.

I don't think Jack has the ability to create clones. Period, done that's it. I know that in Treasure we see clones of Night Jack dance alongside him, but I don't think these come from Jack's magic (or lack thereof) at all. As Treasure is a map where Night Swan shows Jack what he could have been, what he could be if he just joins her side again. So I think that just like everything else in Treasure, the clones were created with Night Swans magic and have nothing to do with Jack's abilities. I think Night Swan can create clones of herself if she wanted to, but she doesn't because she has her minions to do the dirty work, so she utalizes this ability to give Jack an idea that if he joins her side that he too can shape people's mind in a way where they'll think just like him as if they were clones of him. Which would be another case of Night Swan thinking Jack wants something while he really doesn't.

Overall I do not think it would make sense for Jack to be able to create clones, since it would do absolutely nothing for the story. Plus if he does, why wouldn't they have used that by now? They could have utilized this in Majesty or something to show that he can, since they didn't hesitate with the portal thing Night Swan had going on. On the other hand I feel it would make more sense for Night Swan to be able to create clones as that puts her magic level around the same leven the Traveler has. Which makes her an even better antagonist in my opinion. Also they could actually do back story stuff with that but I'll get into that later.

The blatand cheating or at least very suspicious implications?? This one is just ovbious to me, like it doesn't matter if he was with Night Swan first or with Si'ha first in this case. Wanderlust and Jack are very much around the same age i think, presonally I believe Jack to be younger but that doesn't really matter right now. Either way, this means that the Traveler would have been with a woman, had a child and then up and left her to have a child with another. That's AITA redit story typa shit that I don't think Just Dance is going to pull. Let alone when those two women are the Queen and probably one of the most powerful sorceresses in the entire danceverses.

But let's disect it for a moment anyways. Option 1: Wanderlust's older, Jack's younger right. This would mean that the 2020 story line happened as we know it right now. The Traveler searched across all of the danceverses for Si'ha Nova and eventually he found her. They fell inlove, they got married, they had Wanderlust. The most popular love story of the danceverses. And then the Traveler gets up like what a few months, a year, into his happy family and cheats on Si'ha Nova with Night Swan (who might not be evil by now, but still). Now you can argue that they got divorced and shit but that's highly unlikely in my opinion. Since a big part of the Traveler and Si'ha's characters is their love story. Plus even then there would have to have been some emotional cheating because you don't just fall in love with someone enough to have a child with them that fast. Yes, you could argue that Jack was a child created out of wedlock but that's really reaching at that point isn't it. Option 2: Jack's older, Wanderlust's younger. This just means we can throw the entire backstory of the Traveler and Si'ha Nova out of the window. Why would you get with someone while actively searching for the so called love of your life? It just doesn't make sense to me. And you can't even argue that it wouldn't have happened because there is no way that Jack is that much older than Wanderlust.

Overall I think that the implicastions this brings is too much for Just Dance. I know that there's songs about being cheated on in the game, but why would they build up such a love story just to throw it out of the window?

Jack's design This one is 100% from my side, but as someone who lives for character design I'm going to be real. If the Traveler was Jack's father we would have seen that in little hints in his design, even if Night Swan wanted to surpress that as much as possible for some reason. Ubisoft is one of the big game design companies and would know to incorperate at the very least a small little detail hinting towards it. Something like a little bit of blue or a triangle or something you know. Plus this is something I'll always point out but: it would make even less sense for him to have bright red hair. I know that genetics probably work wildy different in the danceverses than here, but come on. I highly doubt that a character who's parents both have dark hair would have bright red hair without any good reason for it. You want your characters to at least resemble their parents. Why would they do that with Wanderlust and not with Jack? That doesn't make any sense.

Afterthought Honestly, if they do end up adding it. It just feels like a weird afterthought they put in for people to stop shipping WanderRose. It's the only ship they seem to have beef with and I feel like they would be adding it just so they have a good reason to have beef with the ship. It genuinely doesn't feel like they properly planned for it or anything. Honestly, if you're going to be that petty about a ship you should really reflect as a company lol.

What could they do instead? I do have an idea for that, because there was a lot of Night Swan and the Traveler teasing going on in the y2k season, and while I think one of the maps we're getting will be Sweet Dream there's still a second map. If they want to get into the backstory between Night Swan and the Traveler, I think that it would be really cool if they like studied flow under the same master or something and that's where a rivalry started. They could still do something with the two, but it wouldn't have to feel lazy and rushed just because they don't want a ship. But that's just my thoughts on that matter.

In conclusion The Traveler...

And being honest? I don't think we're going to find out who Jack's father is. I think we might just be getting two solo maps of Night Swan. Or maybe even Sweet Dreams and Lose Yourself, proving that that's preETDV Jack.

But those are just theories, a game Just Dance theory. If you have anything you'd like to say or if you wanna duke it out with me about this. Feel free to. I like hearing other peoples opinions on things like this.

Okay really if you have made it this far. Thank you?? How did you get through all that bullshit jezus- I truly didn't intend for this post to become a sort of essay, but it appears it has. I hope everyhting made sense since I tend to explain shit in weird ways.

Anyways have this meme because I'm like super relevant and a totally normal person.

[the-great-knight-gay]

Percy is honestly the most forgiving person ever. Like I would not have forgiven most of the stuff done to him by people who are supposed to be his close friends.

First off, Chiron and Grover.

Now I know that Percy admires Chiron and Grover is his best friend, but them at the start of Book 1 really screwed Percy over.

They intentionally lied to him for a year, albeit trying to keep him safe, which ended up making him feel insane and irritable. This was the reason he got expelled from Yancy. This did spawn some mistrust from Percy to Grover as he ditched him at the bus stop but he really quickly forgave him.

Then learning that Grover was only there as a job should have affected him more. Like, imagine finding out the only reason your best friend was there was because he had too. Grover was his only friend too.

Next up, every camper in Camp Half-Blood. The moment they found out who he really was, the ostracized him. They only started to accept him after he completed his quest and became a minor celebrity to them. This isn't the only time they neglected him either but I'll get to that later.

The only people who didn't were Clarisse and Annabeth. Annabeth treated him pretty much the same, albeit with a little animosity which she quickly overcame and Clarisse who already hated him. I'm not counting Luke because he was just putting on an act.

Next up, Poseidon. Dude... wrongdoing? He's lived for thousands of years and has had more kids than Zeus (true fact zeus just has a better pr machine). You'd think he'd be better at talking to his kids, god or not. Like seriously? Who calls their kid an 'unforgiveable mistake'. Like wtf dude?

And keep in mind, this is all book 1.

Next, book 2. Their treatment is even worse.

Like seriously, when Clarisse and Percy had the least toxic friendship in the book, you know the rest have fucked up. Annabeth just constantly bullies his brother for being optically challenged (and a cyclops too but whatever) and every other camper just either avoids and make fun of him due to his brother.

Beckendorf and Silena were the only people who didn't but they were mentioned a total of once.

At least Chiron was somewhat okay.

Next up, Titan's curse.

In a few short months, Percy felt replaced by Thalia. Annabeth basically went all in with her, Chiron started giving her private lessons and there was no evidence of her being ostracized due to her parentage, despite also being a child of the Big Three.

It is very clear that Thalia was obviously preferred at camp

Like guys, she started the fight, why was Percy the one to go put the mummy away. seriously he hit her with a bit of water and threatened her with more (though he totally would have won) and she literally struck him with a bolt of lightning. Guys

Next up, BoTL.

Now this one is mostly annabeth

While I love the character, her treatment of rachel and consequently being rude to percy is just a little too much.

we were all jealous at some point tho so we can forgive that.

TLO is probably the best out of all of them because now he's kinda a legend. They cant be mean to a celebrity now can they?

I might have to reread TLO tho real quick to figure out if I missed anything.

[murasaki-cha]

I've recently gotten into web comics but I don't like most of the male characters in romance comics, they do some really creepy things that seem to just get swept under the rug. Do you have any recommendations for some good romance comics?

*cracks neck* I've trained for this day for years

This is going to be a combination of manhwa, manhua, webtoons and probably some manga too, of all kinds of genres, most are my favorites and I'll explain why so pick whatever catches your interest.

Post is going to be super long so:

I Stan The Prince -> starting of with a strong one, the fl writes a fanfiction about the notorious ex crown prince and raises his popularity. Now she has to work with him and write another book all while dealing with political drama and dark royal secrets. This manhwa rescently just came back from an incredibly long hiatus, it has no novel it's an original manhwa and the main couple are literally the cutest most in love mutual pining idiots ever they're married they just don't know it yet

Hidden Love -> Warning this has a 7 age gap! The story starts when the fl is 13 and meets her brothers dormmate and falls in love with him but keeps it a secret and they lose contact. Years later when she's in college she reunites with the brother's friend and old feelings start to resurface and he slowly falls for her now that she is an adult. I am going to repeat this only once, no grooming, no weird underage romance, ml never liked her like that when she was a child her romance was one sided back then, both are consenting adults now. The fl helps ml with his struggling past and makes him realize he is worthy of love. The fl is strong and confident and she's the one saving the ml multiple times. The ml is literally such a green flag even if he's a big flirt when "courting" her. It's an incredibly touching story and it even has a drama

Eternal Love/First Froat -> set in the same universe as the story above, this is about the love story of the prev fl brother and the mc, his high school classmate. Both had a crush on each other back then but the fl pushed him away coldly and they seperated. Years later they met by chance and by chance yet again ended up as roommates. Slowly they realize the feelings never went away and they keep getting drawn to each other but the horribly tragic past of the fl and the reason she pushed the ml away slowly uncoveres too. This is a beautiful story of a love that never stopped. The mcs are literally meant to be and the fl is so strong after everything she's been through. And the ml is the most patient, caring mam ever everyone deserves a man like him. Literally the standard. Both these books can be read as stand alones but there are some hilarious moments that can only be completely understood if you read them both

Savinvg My Sweetheart -> You will cry so hard while reading this. Fl is the saintess' daughter and after the death of her husband who she was politically married to, she goes back in time a few months before their marriage and only has one goal, to save her kind husbad from her mother even if it causes her death. Both the fl and ml love each other so incredibly much but both think the other hates them because of the forced marriage yet that misunderstanding doesn't stop them from being the literal greatest cople ever! The are such a healthy couple and both are incredibly fleshed out and not just making romance their entire point of existance. Fl slowly gathers powers in order to stop her biological mother who is evil incarnate and save everyone. Ml works together with fl and on his own in order to strengthen his kingdom. And the link that connects them will literally have you crying for the next 20 years. The story is more of a found family/romance and it's one of the most well written stories ever, you will almost never find one loophone everything is planned to the T

Caught By The Villain -> the ml might start bad here but I'm telling you his character development is simply 👌 ✨️. Fl gets transported into the world of this novel she read as the twin sister of a minor villain. Later she has to join knighthood disgusted as her brother and somehow gets chosen as the personal guard of the crown prince, aka main villain, but also with the og!ml which is somewhat different from the story. Ok I'm going to start by saying the title is literally the greatest clickbait ever because almost everyone but the villain catch her and discovered she's a girl. The story has great representation and discusses about a lot of topics like gender and sexuality which you almost never find talked in manhwas. The ml starts bad but slowly by spending time with fl he realizes his mistakes, sincerely apologises tho does not expect forgiveness, promises to change and does keep his word, genuenly loves and cherishes her and is an all round little meow meow and I love him. He's a bi disaster too. Fl is strong and under lots of stress. She slowly gets closer with ml and realizes he's not just the big bad evil villain from the novel and the closer they get and the more genuine their friendship becomes, the more she feels guilty for hiding her true identity from ml. And the og!ml is a special case that I don't even wanna touch with a 10 foot pole so theres that. The development all these characters go through is slow and so perfectly written you don't even realize how much they changed until you go back and realise they're not the same as the beginong

Even If You Split My Mouth -> manga with japanese urban legends which means it has some gore and body horror. The story follows a Kuchisake-Onna and her contract fiancé, a 17 yo boy who has the power to strengthen her legend with his words so she won't disappear. She doesn't want this engagement while he is in love with her so they form a pact, if she can scare him within a year the engagement is off, if not than they get married. This is one of those stories that start all silly goofy but end up having some of the deepest lore ever. The fl is super cute for a yokai and she blushes a lot every time ml flirts. Ml is completly unphased by her scare attempts and loves her to bits. They're such a dumb cute couple and their love story is so fun and sad sometimes. All the side characters are entertaining and lovable. Really there's not one bad thing I can say about this manga, it deserves more love

You Are My Desire -> high school sweethearts and later uni sweethearts. Fl moves to a new city and school after her parents messy divorce and her father's remarriage. While looking around she stumbles upon a tatoo shop and amazingly embarrasses herself in front of the tattooist. On the first day of school she happens to end up as deskmates with that same tattooist who's coincidentally the school tyrant but slowly it becomes visible this tyrant doesn't act like a tyrant at all and so a weird relationship is born out of the two of them. The two mcs are one of the best couples I've ever read. They slowly heal heach others wounds and teach each other that they love them even with their scars. I don't wanna say a lot since the manhua only has aroumd 20 chapters and there's so much story from the novel that hasn't been told yet. There's slso a drama that was rescently released

Daytime Star -> modern manhwa. An actress who has been cast as nothing but an extra for almost 10 years lands a small role where she gets to play along one of the best male actors in the industry. After that they both can't stop thinking about each other and that's how their love story begins. One of the healthiest modern manhwa couples ever! They're literally so cute they will call you single in all languages pf the world and more. I also loved that the fl slowly rose to fame almost all on her own using her own strength and talent with very few minor moments where others helped. It's a great story and it talks about the struggles of working on the korean entertainment industry too

Villains Are Destined to Die -> oh where do I begin with this masterpiece! Fl gets transmigrated into a dating sim she was playing as the villaines and she's currently in the hard mode which makes it super dificult for her to clear the game. She has to increase the affection percentage of the capture targets so she can go back to her old life and avoid the bad ending which always results in her death. This is literally one of those stories that gets you hooked on the very first chapters alone. Fl goes through so much and she's such a tragic character. All she wants is a peaceful life and she works damn hard for it. Her family is just exhausting but they slowly develop besides SOME who shall not be named. The ml, which you'll probably figure out who it is lile halfway through because he's just that iconic, is literally THE BEST, THE STANDARD! I love him so much and it might not show it in the begining chapters but he's is just perfect. The romance is more secondary tho and the story focuses more on the fl's struggles to survive and the discovery of the secrets that can change the fate of the entire kingdom.

See You In My 19th Life -> this rescently got a drama and I recommend watching that too. Fl is a reincarnator who remembers all her lives besides the first one. In her 19th life she resolves to find a boy form her 18th life who made her enjoy life again after so many reincarnations and made her wish she was reincarnated once again. She manages to get a job in the hotel he manages and immediately asks him to date. Thus begins the story of her following and flirting with her love from the prevous life without him knowing it's her and slowly healing his scars and traumas while also solving the mystery of her reincarnation. The story us full of mystery and absurdly cute couples. The ml is traumatized by fl's death since she died quite literally right in front of his eyes when he was really young and he also has a crap ton of family drama to deal with. The fl loves the him so much and tries her best to help him not just physically but emotionally too. She's like a breath of fresh air for the ml and their love is just so selfless. He loves her even when he doesn't know she's his first love reincarnated. The side couple is literally amazinv too and I would need an entire paragraph to talk about them too. The mystery of the webtoon always keeps you on the edge. Overall amazing webtoon and has an amazing kdrama!

(I'm getting tired and I have to wake up early tomorrow so I'm just gonna drop some titles with no explenation now. There might be some shounen ai in there fyi)

A Stepmother's Marchen

How To Win My Husband Over

Death To Lady White Ferret

Positively Yours

Business Propsal (Also has a great kdrama)

Sasaki to Miyano

A Good Day To Be A Dog (kdrama rescently started)

Till Debt Do Us Apart

Shoujinkou Nikki

Hirano to Kagiura

Given

The Reason Why Raekiana Ended Up At The Duke's Mansion (also has an anime)

Once More

Love Like Cherry Blossoms

Tsuiraku JK to Haijin Kyoushi (it's a student x teacher but honestly it's more of a dark comedy manga and it's hilarious so I recommend it)

I Raised Cinderella Preciously

The Perks of Being A Villainess

Ajatsuki no Yona

My Secretly Hot Husband

Ok that's all I can squeeze out of my brain for now. Hope you enjoyed the recs

[alloveydovey]

Okay dramas watched these past months... (i actually have more like no gain no love and mr. plankton but I'll put them up later he)

Hometown Cha Cha Cha, 2021 (kdrama) (rewatch!) 10 ⭐️

(Yes this is here in one of this posts, once again) A city girl moves to a coastal town and clashes with the local do-it-all whose views on life are the complete opposite from hers. Despite it all, love is born lol.

Literally never show me an edit or a gif or anything of homecha cause even if I watched it a week prior I’m going to be like ‘I want to watch it again 😭’ This is how serious I am about this drama. This time I rewatched it because my grandma was watching it for the first time and I HAD TO join. Obligatory. It means so much to me, it’s my favorite ever and literally a hug for the heart.

A Romance of The Little Forest, 2022 (cdrama) What I was expecting: 8.5 / What I gave: 7.5

A smart beauty blogger (I think?) clashes with a former brainiac classmate from school and college who apparently rejected her, saying he wouldn't date someone as dumb as her. She decides to make him fall in love with the dumb version of herself to prove a point

I don't really know how to explain this drama, but the premise and Esther Yu and Zhang Binbin together seemed enough for me to watch. For a moment, it was good, but then it just turned zZzzZZZ. It was a bit of a letdown and a waste of actors.

Melody of Golden Age, 2024 (cdrama) What I was expecting: 7.5 / What I gave: 8

The Empress Dowager bestows a marriage between the third daughter of a family and the head of the imperial guard. When the third daughter runs away, the sixth daughter (the daughter of a concubine) takes her place as the bride.

Enemies to lovers with this premise? Chef kiss. Ding Yu Xi nails roles like this, and even at her young age, Ancy Deng is an incredibly charming female lead. I admit the drama might get a bit tiresome with the cases they have to solve (some of which confused me a bit lol), but the characters are interesting enough, and in general, it's a good drama to watch when there's nothing else.

Love Next Door, 2024 (kdrama) What I was expecting: 10 / What I gave: 8.5 :(

Two friends meet again after one of them comes back from the US.

This will be long because this was my most anticipated drama of the year. So, yeah, friends-to-lovers is not my thing at all. I never get into it. I went in with good expectations, though, because it had Jung Hae In (forever favorite K-actor), Jung So Min (one of my favorite K-actresses), and the same writer of Hometown Cha Cha Cha (like I said before, my favorite drama) This had everything to become a 10 in my books and a favorite drama. That being said, it disappointed me big time.

So yeah, I'm not a big fan of childhood-friends-to-lovers, but even less, when it's the type of friendship they portrayed here. The charm of their initial relationship is supposed to be that they don't want to admit they're friends and spend the whole time bickering. If they didn't know each other, I'd call it flirting, but it's kinda meh when this is just their entire thing. I'm not really into that type of relationship in dramas. Generally speaking, I can handle loud characters well in kdramas, no matter the age they are. I know they tend to be childish, and that's usually fine, but for some reason, here, it just bothered me big time. I just couldn't find the appeal of the leads dynamic.

Hae In and So Min were extremely cute together, and I loved that. But the writing?... I guess that was what disappointed me the most. The cancer trope was a huge eye-rolling moment for me, and I didn't like how they dealt with it at all. They ended up using it for Seok Ryu's family to finally be decent to her when they should have been like that without her medical condition. They presented a good problem (her parents expectations being way higher on her, the older sister and a woman, than on her younger brother) and dealt with it rather poorly. On another note, Making Seung Hyo's mother have symptoms of something but then not following through? Making Seun Hyo suddenly move back in with his parents without any reason (I assume it was because he wanted to live next to Seok Ryu, still...) The mothers and their dramas. Oh my god. I loved all the actresses, but I can't even compliment their friendship because it was low-key annoying how they'd constantly fight as well.

I don't know, I feel like they were a lot of little things accumulating that just made me question everything.

Things to rescue: I was really happy to see Jung Hae In in such a comedic role, and the second leads were absolutely everything to me.

Miss Day and Night, 2024 (kdrama) What I was expecting: Honestly, I don't know. What I gave: 8

FL keeps failing at public servant exams, but mostly, just life. At her most desperate moment, a mystic cat curses her (or does he?) and makes FL turn into an elderly lady as soon as the sun is up. Aside from all this, she meets ML, a cold prosecutor who she gets tangled up within a case that could connect both his dead mother and her missing aunt.

I started obsessed with this. Premise? Fun! Lee Jung Eun is the best! Chemistry? 100% there! Jung Eun Ji and Choi Jin Hyunk had such a sweet and tender dynamic, I absolutely loved it. My problem with this, as usuaaaaal, is the murder mystery. The mix of this premise with the FL turning into an old lady is a bit weird. They make up for it with fun moments, but ultimately, as the story progresses, they discard them in favor of more serious issues. It took me months to finish it, and I skipped a bit. The ending is cute, but, generally speaking, it was those kinds of endings where the drama should've been twelve episodes, and still, somehow, the ending felt rushed.

Didn't finish oops ⬇️

Serendipity's Embrace, 2024 (kdrama) What8.5

FL and ML meet again by accident. Both were classmates. Her best friend was in love with him, and he obviously was in love with FL. FL, on the other hand, was in love with a famous writer whom she then got to meet, date, and tragically break up with. Now, in the present, ML is not willing to let his first love get away.

Like I said before, I'm not the biggest fan of the (childhood) friends-to-lovers trope, but this one got me in the feels a bit (maybe because it's not so much a friendship but more of a high school crush). There's good chemistry here, cute moments, and a great OST. I don't know why I stopped watching, but I might return to it at some point.

My Sweet Mobster, 2024 (kdrama) 8

A kid’s content creator and an ex-mobster get entangled. But wait... did they know each other when they were kids? Duh, this is a kdrama.

This was one of the dramas I had been waiting for since I saw the amazing posters and the interesting premise. It was overall okay, though? I wouldn’t say it blew my mind, but I enjoyed watching most of it. It’s both cute and really funny. I didn't finish it because aside from the cute characters and the romance, the story was a bit meh. And even the romance, once they got together, it felt a bit flat.

[c-m-stuff]

Complete Opposites

Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

-Description: You and Spencer are married. You two have a beautiful son. When your niece unexpectedly visited you, everyone could see you were complete opposites.

-Warnings: Fluffiness, angst, mention of smut, having a child

-Word count: 2221

-Note: (Repost from Wattpad, requests are welcome!) I actually had really fun writing this one. But, I need to make a few things clear. First of all, I write here about readers niece, just know, that I totally made that up. I love my niece, she isn't like this character at all. Second of all, this one shot, and most of the text, was based on a TV show. That was a really big inspiration, but I changed it sometimes, lightly. TV show: Friends - 9x8

Masterlist

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Y/N POV:

I was facing the mirror, looking at my beautiful black dress. It was one of David's famous dinner parties. Of course, we are going. We only have one problem. We couldn't find someone to stay with our new born baby. He was only 2 months old. Spencer and I, couldn't be more happy, his birth a real blessing. But, since no one of our friends can stay with him, and we don't trust a babysitter who is a complete stranger, we decided to take little (Y/S/N) with us.

'Wow.' I turned around to see my wonderful husband staring at me in awe.

'You look gorgeous. Absolutely stunning.' he stated, while making his way towards me.

'You don't look bad yourself, love.'

He came closer to me, pressing his lips into my neck. Sucking and licking on the sensitive skin. The possibility, that he left some marks, were pretty big.

'Honey, even though, I love this very much, not now. We need to go to David's.' I laughed, as he separated the contact, before we both got too carried away.

'Alright, fine. But, you're going to make this up to me when we're back.' he teased, staring deeply into my eyes.

'I won't argue with you.' I smiled, before giving each other a passionate kiss.

What ended the loving kiss, was the sudden sound of the doorbell ringing. We gave each other a confused look, knowing we agreed with the others that we would drive.

We both walked towards the front door, as I opened it. There she stood, my niece, I didn't saw in ages. She gave me a soft smile, letting herself in.

'Well hey, Amy. I haven't seen you in, like, a year.' I spoke, while giving her a quick hug.

'I know. I know. I've just been crazed.'

'Well, me too. I had a baby.'

'I decorated dad's office.' she stated, proud.

'Yeah? Well, unless you pushed a desk out of your vagina, not the same thing.' I said, sarcastically.

I mean, I love my niece. I really do, we're just complete opposites. She was popular, always busy with her looks, and just not that mature. I wasn't popular, I care more about the inside, and I'm just more mature than her. But, I'm happy she's here. Now, I can spend some lost time with her.

'I'm so excited! I'm going to have dinner at my boyfriend's house.' she walked herself further in, until she saw the crib of our beautiful son.

'Oh my god, is that (Y/S/N)?' she asked, as a smile grew on Spencer and my face.

'Yeah.'

'It's a boy?' the moment was almost perfect, until she asked this question. I was biting on my lip, while giving her a nod.

'So, Amy, do you remember Spencer?' I asked, as she now fully gave a look at him.

'Yes, of course!' suddenly, her phone began to rang.

'Oh, I need to take this one.' she said, before walking into a room.

Only about a minute later, she came back, visibly upset.

'Amy, what happened?'

'My boyfriend cancelled on me.' she answered, a deep sigh leaving her lips.

'I mean, I finally find a real relationship. Someone who I don't feel lonely with, and then his wife comes back into town!' she continued, making me roll my eyes behind her back. Like I said, complete opposites.

'God, I was so looking forward to this. It was going to be a beautiful evening.' she complained once more, as she started crying, lightly.

'Amy, don't cry.' I told her, before I turned around to meet Spencer's gaze.

'Can I talk with you in private?' he agreed, making our way towards the bedroom.

'Look, I was thinking, if it's okay with David... I would like to invite Amy.' he looked at me understanding, before placing a kiss on my cheek.

'Okay, I will call David.' he reassured me, and I wrapped him into a hug.

'Thank you.'

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So said, so done.

A few moments later, we arrived at David's mansion. I pressed the doorbell, and soon enough, the Italian let us all in.

'Hey guys, this is my niece, Amy. Amy, this is Derek, Aaron, David, JJ, Penelope, and Emily.' I introduced them, as everyone greeted back.

Eventually, I ended up with the girls, happily talking.

'So, your niece sounds nice.' Emily spoke out, while I nodded my head.

'Yeah, she is. She's just a lot to take, sometimes.' I admitted.

'But, anyways, how's Henry?' I asked JJ, wanting to change the subject.

'He's good! He just made new friends. Whenever he comes back home, he always tells us what he did that day. What for games they played at school.'

'Ohh, that is the cutest!' I answered, the girls all agreeing with me.

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After a little while, we decided to sit by the boys, on the comfortable couch. I sat next to Spencer, as Amy took place next to us.

'Hey, where's the baby?'

'We just put him down for a nap.' my husband answered, as Amy got excited.

'Listen, I was just thinking. You know what would be incredible?' we gave her a curious look.

'If you guys died!'

'Thank you, Amy.' I spoke, sarcastically, knowing she didn't meant it in that way.

'No, no, then I would get the baby.'

'It would be just like in a movie. At first, I wouldn't know what to do with him. And, then, I would rise to the occasion. Then, I'd get a makeover and get married.' she finished, smiling bright.

'Listen, not that you guys could stop me or anything. Because, you know, you'd be dead. But, I was thinking about changing his name. I'm just not really a big fan of (Y/S/N).' we all were flabbergasted, definitely not expecting this conversation to happen. I was struggling to tell her the truth.

'Honey, I don't know how to tell you this. But, if were something to happen to Spencer and myself, you wouldn't get the baby.' I told her, making her look in shock.

'Well, who would?'

'We haven't officially asked them yet, but we would want Jennifer and William.' Spencer continued, making JJ smile big. Will couldn't come this evening, but I'm sure he would react the same way.

'I can't believe you'd want us to raise (Y/S/N).' JJ spoke, genuine happy.

'I don't believe this. Hold on a second. You guys die, and I don't get your baby?'

'Amy, see, we're a lot closer to JJ and Will. We see them almost everyday, and truthfully, you don't seem connected to the baby.' I admitted, making her more angry.

'Connected? To what? He's a lump!'

'Dinner's ready!' I was grateful, David called us. I was getting more pissed off, but tried my best to ignore it.

At the table, the tension could be cut by a knife. Everyone ate, while Amy was visibly mad. There wasn't much chatting around the table, everyone feeling the heavy tension.

After dinner, we took place again on the couch, a little more talking now. Suddenly, Amy came sitting next to me, huffing annoyed.

'In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not talking to you.'

'What are you doing now then?' I said, sarcastically, before she rolled her eyes.

'You know, this is just classic (Y/N).' I laughed a bit.

'Right. Remember in high school, when I died, and didn't give you the baby?'

'This might be my one change to have a child, (Y/N).' Amy spoke, firmly.

'I mean, you know that I have been so busy focusing on my career.'

'What career?'

'I'm a decorator.' she said, as if it was the most obvious answer.

'You decorate your dad's office and now your a decorator?'

'Why can't you ever be supportive?'

'You want to talk about supportive? You didn't come and visit me when I was in the hospital having the baby.' I could tell, I was getting more angry. In the meanwhile, everyone remained quiet.

'You didn't come see me in the hospital when I was getting my lips done!' I huffed, the difference too big.

'I did the first time!' I yelled back, and got up from the couch. I walked a little further, before turning around.

'You know what? You want to know why I'm not giving you (Y/S/N)?' I began, as she got up as well.

'I'm not giving you (Y/S/N), because you can't handle the responsibility of a child.' I confessed, making her huf once more.

'Well, how hard could it be? You do it.' I felt the anger burning on my skin, as I bite on my lip, in attempt to stay calm.

'You wanna know why you don't want me to have the baby? Because you don't want me to be happy. You have always been jealous of me.'

'Jealous of what? Of your lack of responsibility? Your immaturity?' I argued back, letting her roll her eyes.

'You just think you're so perfect. With your new baby, and your small house. Well, let me tell you something. Your baby isn't even that cute.'

I was staring at her with shock and madness. Now, she went too far. Insulting me, okay, but don't involve my family in this.

'Too far, Amy. Too far.' I was relieved, Spencer stood up for us. I could see, he was clearly angry, we all were.

'You take that back.' I pointed at her, but she didn't care.

'No.'

'Take it back!'

'No. What are you gonna do? Make me?' she challenged me, waiting for my next move.

'Hey, I chase criminals for the living. You think, I can't handle you?'

'Bring it on!' right after she said that, she gave me a push.

'Did you just push me?'

'Yeah, I think I did.'

'All right, that's it.'

I minored her actions, giving her also a push. We began hit hands against hands, fighting like children. Than, I managed to get my hands in her hair, shaking it up, making it frizzy. When I was done, she immediately went to her hair, going multiple times over it, making it straight again. She then tried to push me again, but I hold her off by placing my hand on her head, making it harder to reach me.

Suddenly, I felt with my free hand an object, tossing it accidentally of its place. We immediately stopped fighting, looking now finally what we did. I accidentally tossed an empty wine glass from the table on the floor, the glass scattered everywhere.

'Alright, that's it! You cannot behave this way! If you can't act your age, you shouldn't be here at all.' David spoke, as the guilt washed over me.

'I'm sorry.' Amy apologized, while playing with her fingers.

'I'm so sorry, Dave!' I apologized, hating what had happened. His eyes got softer, nodding it was okay.

'Look, Amy, we got a little out-of-control over there. And, I'm sorry.'

'I'm sorry too.'

'You're my niece, and if it really means that much to you-' she cut me off.

'So, you're gonna give me the baby?'

'No, I was planning on coming to the hospital by your next beauty operation.' she smiled widely, pulling me into a hug.

'You are not gonna regret this.'

We separated, as I made my way towards the others. Spencer wrapped me instantly into a tight embrace, placing a gentle kiss on my head.

'Are you okay?'

'Yes, I'm fine.' I reassured him, planting a kiss on his cheek. We pulled apart, and I turned around to face the Italian.

'Dave, I'm so sorry! I really didn't mean to. I'll pay you back.'

'Don't worry about it. It's okay.' he gave me a soft smile, as I returned it, whispering a "thank you".

'(Y/N), Spence, did you guys really meant it about (Y/S/N)?' JJ asked, a bit insecure.

'Of course, we meant it. JJ, you and Will, are great parents. In that case, we would be more than happy. I mean, if you two want it, of course.'

'Yeah, of course! Thank you, we really appreciate it.' she both gave us a hug, letting us see her gratefulness.

'Well, I'm very thankful, but I pray that doesn't happen. We don't want to lose you guys.' we gave her a smile, nodding in agreement.

This evening may wasn't exactly what I thought it would be, but eventually it turned out alright. And, the evening only got hotter, as soon as my husband and I, (and our son) were back home.

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