#and then met that man in person again and made him kill his own comrades????

[grimalkinmessor]

Light's end has always bothered me for multiple reasons (the biggest of which is it not actually being his fault that he lost therefore robbing me of a greater poetic justice but you can't win 'em all), but I think one nobody really talks about is that,,,Light wasn't afraid to die.

Well—he WAS, at the beginning, but part of the reason I'm so obsessed with his relationship with Ryuk is because Ryuk's existence was a constant threat to Light's life. And yet Light never once seemed afraid of him, or tried to cozy up to him, or even attempted manipulate Ryuk into doing things for him. Sure, he bribed him sometimes into going along with his plans, but he was friends with Ryuk. Or—as close to friends as I assume a Light Yagami and a Shinigami can get.

But before Light meets Ryuk, he 100% believes that he's going to die. His frenzy those first few days can be attributed not to any moral righteousness, but to a desperate sort of resignation. Light thinks that he's sold his soul after killing those first two men, so instead of destroying the Death Note, he immediately sets out to make as big of an impact as possible. He wants to go out with a bang! He wants to be remembered! Light is afraid of death in those first days—but he also comes to terms with it somewhere between killing Otoharada and Ryuk showing up. He was ready to go with Ryuk quietly if he was there to take his life or his soul.

But then—he learns that he's not going to die.

The face of a boy excited and relieved.

Light learns that there are no consequences to using the Death Note.

THIS is when he starts getting cocky, when he starts to actually convince himself of all that moral stuff he spouts.

But he's still not afraid of death.

Oh he's afraid of being caught, for sure, and after L humiliated him on live television, he might've even been afraid of execution. Because he'd seen firsthand just how quickly L could turn the tables on him, how he could make Kira look foolish. And Light definitely does not want to be remembered as foolish.

I don't think Light was afraid of actually DYING though, because when Ryuk says "You know I could just kill you", Light laughs. Literally laughing in the face of death. Light KNOWS that Ryuk will eventually kill him, but as long as he goes down the way he wants—on HIS terms—it's fine. Ryuk claiming that he'd be the one to finally end Light might've even been a relief, considering how Light's mind works. A god can only be killed by another god, etc. etc. 'Killed By A Real-life Shinigami' sounds metal as FUCK. Top-tier way to die if you're as much of a gloryhound as Light.

And one thing that irks me is that—the five year gap kind of,,,,takes that, from Light. Light spends so long on top of the world with no real challenge that by the time that Near and Mello show up, he's far more arrogant than he was when he was up against L. Light is, once more, afraid of death. He's lost that tolerance he built up in those pivotal first few days, and he goes out, not in a blaze of glory like he wanted, but clawing and pleading to live like a dog.

Light lost his recklessness, his impatience, his acceptance of the inevitable because he believed that he could now change the inevitable—all somewhere in that five year time skip.

This makes him less likely to get caught, yes, but it also takes away that—that teenage dauntlessness that he had at the beginning. Pre-skip Light feared L and L alone. Only the idea of being caught by someone who could truly tear him down frightened him. Not even death compared.

And I suppose that Light's spiralling at the end is a sort of poetic justice in this case?? But it's not the one I wanted.

I wanted Light's recklessness to blow up in his face. I wanted his carefully curated plans ruined by his own impatient hand. I wanted him to go down much as he probably first intended—in a blaze of glory. I wanted his fall to be explosive and terrifying to the audience. A moral of the story that shoots you right in the chest and really makes you think.

Instead he was reduced to just,,,,another criminal, begging for his life.

Which, yes, I suppose, is also a message in and of itself (all evil figures throughout history have only ever been human, have only ever been men that bleed red at the end of the day, and nothing they've ever done or said will change that), but I also find that....exceedingly boring.

[nyarumie]

Ruined Flowers, Beautiful Flowers.

hoshina soshiro x f!reader — 3.6k words. Mentions of stabbing, reader had an outburst, attempt at angst, established friendship, extreme fluff at the end because i cant stand making my characters suffer. Not proofread!

Author's Note: It's my first time writing something involving drama, feedbacks are highly appreciated! I tried my best and got carried away with the length. 💔

Author's Reply: A request from anon here. Kinda hit way too close to home when you said reader is afraid of falling in love 😭 (also guys pls send me Narumi stuff too I want to make more content for my guy)

Ask box is open! Also cross-posted on ao3.

Cheers erupted from your platoon, exhausted strength from the fight seemingly replenished as you dealt the final blow to the Honju once again. Their eyes sparkled with victory, anticipation filling the air as they immediately chatter to plan another celebration for your win. Familiar words of praise reach your ears, but none of them truly reach your heart. What's there to praise about when you're just doing work as expected?

You offer a soft smile to your platoon who is now approaching you, finally engaging yourself in chatter. You were never one for loud occasions, but you have a reputation to keep. They went on about your elegant strikes in battle, your speed and agility that beats even the fastest of lightning, and the reputable “silent, but deadly” strides you have.

“Man, I sure would always keep my distance from our platoon leader! Might get caught up in her Kaiju kill with how silent she attacks, y'know?” one of them joked, a series of awed agreements emerging from the others.

That's right, keep your distance. Getting too close… might just kill anyone.

You close your eyes as you listen, basking in the enthusiasm exuding from your officers. To them, the hushed strides you've perfected in battle is nothing more than a technique. To you, it's just the one thing that keeps your peace, and no one will be able to understand it the way you do.

Except, there's this one person—too persistent for your liking, so much more than your comrades asking you to mentor them. Scratch that, he's not persistent; he's simply way too highly attentive, it scares you just how much about you he already had figured out.

From a distance stands Hoshina Soshiro, the esteemed Vice Captain of the division you belong to. His watchful eyes never miss anything. You fail to ignore his all too familiar peering gaze even as you try to indulge yourself in the antics of your platoon. You don't understand, you never will. Why does he desperately want to unravel you? Closing your eyes really was the best option. That way, you'll avoid making eye contact with him lest he sees through you again, as if he's starting to pick up the puzzle pieces bit by bit. Curiosity getting the best of you, you peeked one eye open to see what he's up to.

Ah, he's now making his way to you. Well, damn him.

Concluding that you have no escape from what's about to come, you sighed and bid your platoon a (short) farewell, leaving them the promise of a celebratory feast tonight. You walked and met him halfway.

Vice Captain Hoshina was already grinning from ear to ear when you neared him, as if he wasn't mentally piercing through your own mind moments ago. You pouted. In an instant, his arm is heavily draped over your shoulder, his other hand playfully ruffling your hair. 

A series of complaints were heard from you, only causing him to let out devilish laughs and made an even more mess of your hair. 

“Vice Captain! It took me almost an hour to fix and style my hair, and we have a celebration to attend later!” you complained, begging him to stop.

“Fine, fine! Ya did another excellent job today. No wonder Captain Ashiro always trusts you a hella bunch.” he said, satisfied with today's operation. “However…” 

And there he goes.

He stood too near you, still hearing clearly enough despite how hushed his voice became. “You're a lot worse today. Still not spillin' the beans? I'm your closest friend here, ya know?”

You looked away from him, finding a car ruined to smithereens apparently far more interesting than whatever this is right now. “Must be your imagination. The Honju just so happened to be tougher today.”

Lie. Today's Honju had a lower fortitude compared to last time. You both know that. And you both know there's no fooling him from what he saw.

You stood atop the Kaiju's corpse after neutralizing it. Back facing everyone, holding your head up high. To the rest of the Division, you were basking in your victory, trying to keep your breath steady after all the action that took place. But there was no fooling Soshiro's eyes.

His keen gaze traveled over your entire figure. Breath ragged, chest heaving as if deprived of oxygen, a clenched grip on your thin, sharp sword forged akin to that of a rapier—in contrast with your lax hand holding your pistol, careful to not fire a shot. You looked like you were in complete agony and exasperation. Soshiro knows that you were heavily sobbing. Silently. Alone. Exactly how you do things your way.

You were only snapped out of your unrest when cheers finally erupted from your platoon. The smile you offer, to a stranger's eyes, is soft and gentle. To him, it's sad—as if it was a struggle for you to smile wide without hesitancy. Your deadly silence in battle wasn't so silent today at all. He can hear it far too well, that each slash of your blade and each shot of your pistol is accompanied with restlessness, each attack heavier than the last.

The Honju has been reported to have no vitals detected, but you kept slashing and shooting, ‘just in case’. Outrageous. You were literally taking out whatever storm is in your head to the Honju's corpse. Not that he minded the Honju, but he cared for you. He is your friend, you can pour your heart and mind out on him instead of a corpse of a monster. Why won't you? Why is the inside of your mind much more different from what you show others? How do you do it?

He doesn't understand. Or maybe he does, but you won't let him in. He wants to be with you, even at your lowest. And he's already failing.

“I see. If the Honju is indeed tougher today,” he started, “then report to me later, Platoon Leader. Post-celebratory report will do. Take it easy for now.” 

Was he upset? He rarely addresses you by your position. You carefully turned your head back to him, afraid that he's finally fed up with your bullshit. You're insufferable. Maybe one day he'll ask you to serve another Division. But instead, you see him grace you with a real, soft smile. It makes you want to cry.

'Take it easy for now.' You wish you could unhear it. You hate how easy his words always go through you. How can you take it easy when you try so hard to not be a burden? You don't want him to know any more than he already does.

“...I've no need for rest. But thank you.” You finally feel the tiredness creeping its way through your system.

Post-neutralization banquets are rare, happening annually at most. Somehow, your platoon members managed to smooth talk their way in securing an approval for tonight's celebration. For what, you don't know.

Everyone had their eyes on you when you entered the hall, bright smiles and expectant faces greeting you. This unnerved you, knowing full well what they're requesting with their doe, puppy eyes.

“Ahem. If you're expecting a heartwarming speech, I'm not the person for the job. You all should wait for the Vice Captain for that.” you said, earning a handful of groans from your members.

A hand suddenly lightly ruffled your hair, an action you’ve grown quite accustomed to. “Wait no more! Allow me to handle things, then!” the Vice Captain cheerfully said. Taking this as your cue to sit down, you excused yourself from him, feeling his slightly disappointed gaze trailing you as you sit.

Cheers echoed from the team as he finished his short spiel, everyone’s hunger evident as they hurriedly fill their plates with food. Your tablemates are no different, they're rushing here and there to get the best pieces of meat and pour each other some drinks. You decided to wait, not wanting to contribute to the mess the hall has become.

A plate filled with juicy meat and a bowl of your favorite stew was placed in front of you. Now someone is also taking up your space? About to reprimand whoever placed them in your eating area, you looked up to see that it was just the Vice Captain.

“Eat up. Keep waitin’ for the chaos to calm down and ya will be left with nothin’ to munch on.” He sat beside you, carrying his own set of food.

“Thanks. But I can grab my own fill just fine.” That's what you said, but still started eating what he gave you.

“Mhm… Just accept it in earnest. You never happily accepted any help I offered ya.”

“That’s because no one can give me the help I need.” you absentmindedly said, almost mumbling to yourself. Soshiro remained silent, now looking at you instead of his food. Maybe you shouldn't have said that. “... Let's just eat.” 

As the end of the celebration approached, he wanted to test the waters; he got up and collected the plastic flowers adorning the tables, wrapping them around a ribbon he miraculously spotted somewhere—his own version of a small, makeshift bouquet. 

He sat down beside you again, earning your attention. You raised your brow at him upon seeing the makeshift bouquet in his hand, a silent question about what he's up to.

“Ta-da! They aren't the real deal, but I did a pretty good job, won't ya say? This one's yours, ya look good with it.” He made a gesture for you to take the flowers, which you did, studying it closely for a while.

“Vice Captain, you shouldn't be taking the establishment’s props.” you said, frowning. “We should get back to your office. Let's get today's report over with.” 

Internally sighing, he doesn't know if you're purposely acting dense or just straight up ignoring his subtle advances. Maybe he needs to tell you outright. You once told him that words and actions come hand-in-hand.

It's surprisingly cold tonight even through the heat of the celebrations. He went outside the hall, leaning against the corridor’s wall to wait for you. You told him you have unfinished business to take care of, which is scolding your far too drunk officers who took their drinking competition to another level. Groans and wails from the inside resounded through the door, probably from officers begging you to lighten their punishment. 

Finally, he saw you stepping out of the hall. No makeshift bouquet in hand spotted. “Where’d ya put it?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“Oh, the flowers? I told you we’re not supposed to take them. So I kinda dismantled the ribbon and put them back in place…” you said, looking away guiltily.

That surprisingly stung, despite knowing you didn't want to intentionally hurt him. He knows you’d leave it there, but dismantling them is another. He struggled putting it all together, after all.

“Makes sense. Let's get the report done.” he smiled, ruffling your hair again. This time, it's his way of saying ‘it’s okay, don't feel guilty about it’.

You threw him a look of concern, the playfulness absent from his smile. “I didn't—” 

“Are ya cold?” he suddenly asked. Before you can even answer, he removed his work jacket and draped it over your shoulders. “Please put the sleeves on. Yer hands are shakin’ so bad.”

Oh, you didn't even notice. Silently, you put them on as he asked. It's so… large. And oddly comforting. You hated it, somehow. The sleeves extend way beyond your hands and it would look like a mini dress if zipped up.

Satisfied with this, the Vice Captain started walking, pace slow. You followed suit, opting to walk behind him. You looked confused. You feel overwhelmed. Why is he always doing so much? You prefer your friendly banters, the idiotic laughter you share with each other after stupid musings; you dislike the foreign feeling and lingering intention in each action he does towards you. You don't understand.

He once gave you a poetry book about flowers, saying it was like a reflection of yourself. It wasn't. You told him to stop mocking you.

You never asked for company on boring work days, but he was somehow finding his way towards you, offering an invitation to train new recruits. He knew you loved helping others, imparting your knowledge and watching them grow. You turned him down, saying he's more than capable of mentoring them himself.

Once, you were feeling a bit too competitive. Your platoon urged you on, daring you to make a bet with the Vice Captain. The losing platoon must prepare a banquet according to the winning platoon’s wishes. He can hit you in your sword sparring as many times as he can, but hit him once in the given time limit and you win. But you just so happen to miraculously strike him at the last second. He lost on purpose. But you didn't attend the banquet.

Then a tragedy occured. A citizen hiding from the Honju was left undetected, causing you to accidentally inflict a fatal wound on them as you attacked the Honju. Had you known, you would've prioritized their safety. He didn't have to cover this up. He was there. He should be reprimanding you. You were at a loss then.

You bump into his figure, letting out a sound of surprise. You were already inside his office? Perhaps your mind has been too occupied all the way here, you don't even know if he said something on the way here or when he opened the door for you.

Soshiro looked too serious at the moment. You shouldn't have agreed to report to him, because the Honju being tougher today is bullshit. This leaves you with nothing to report, and god you want to miraculously vanish into thin air at this instant.

“What's goin’ on in that li’l head of yours? It's unlike ya to get so out of focus.” he asked, crossing his arms.

“Vice Captain. I’d like to proceed with the report, please.”

“But ya don't have anything to report. I saw it well with my own two eyes.”

He can barely hear you, your voice only a mere whisper. “...Then report to me instead, Soshiro.”

He walked closer to you, your breath almost stopping. Why is it like this?

"What do ya want to know? I'll give you everything." 

Your fists clenched in frustration at his words. He's doing this on purpose, saying something that totally means another.

“Why… Why do you insist on staying by my side? Why do you care so much? I don't understand. You're my friend, but you're doing so much for just a friend. Why do you do these things? The book—the poetry book you once gave me, saying it reminded you of me—it doesn't make sense! It's full of flowery words, it speaks of beauty, but none of those are me. You’ve seen what mess of a person I am. You say you’d give me everything, but I can't even give you a single thing, Soshiro!”

You grabbed the front of his shirt, lowering your head as you failed to stop the tears from flowing.

“You should've let me rot in bed when you found me in a sickly state. Should've reported me to the higher ups for making a careless mistake. Should've distanced yourself from me, I did nothing but unintentionally hurt you when all you wanted was to look out for me.” 

You bit your lip, not wanting to spill more than you should've. A warm pair of arms went around you, causing you to cry harder, your body relaxing against your wishes.

“I see. Do my actions confuse you?” he softly asked. 

“...I can't accept them.” 

“That doesn't answer my question.” 

Still sobbing, you answered, “I don't know. You confuse me. I don't want to rely on anyone. I don't know what to make of them. I hate the lingering, unspoken intentions. I hate not understanding. I hate pushing you away, but it feels overwhelming when you're too close. I hate the comforting feeling you give me. Please don't waste your energy on me. I’m filled with dirt, my hands are covered in more blood than you know about.”

You’ve never spilled this much before, Soshiro noted. He thinks that's a lot to unpack, but he has all the time in his hands to walk you through it. You were a ticking time bomb, the impending explosion only delayed by taking out your anguish on all the Kaiju you’ve slayed. 

Soshiro caressed the back of your head, speaking. “Then I’ll help ya understand. I like you and I like bein’ with ya, even if you think otherwise. If you don't wanna rely on me, then don't. But I’ll be here when ya need me. I’ll walk you through everythin’ slowly if you’ll allow me. And I still think you're as beautiful as the flowers I keep tellin’ you about.” 

He tried holding your hand. You pulled it away when you felt his, but he insisted. “And these bloodied hands ya speak of, tell me more, please? The stains might be impossible for you to wash away, but I’ll gladly hold ‘em still.” 

He isn't the type to deliberately fool others, even if he humors himself with being a menace to others. You looked at him and was met with surprise as you were met with the soft pair of red eyes and gentle smile you’ve deniably always found comfort in. Were you deserving of this, even after unintentionally turning him away?

You let out a shaky breath, bracing yourself to recall a scenario that has haunted your mind for years. 

“A Kaiju attack. Was a yonju. It was small, but I can tell it's dangerous. Grabbed anything sharp, anything heavy I can get my hands on. I closed my eyes and kept swaying my makeshift weapon around, in hopes of defending myself. I know my sister was hiding somewhere, but it all happened too fast. I heard a piercing scream right in front of me. The yonju had found her somewhere and used her as its shield. I didn't know that even a yonju could think of that. I… accidentally stabbed my sister. She died. I should’ve kept my eyes open. I was weak and was only 14 then. Today's neutralization location is the exact same spot where it happened.”

Tears filled your eyes again. “The day… when I accidentally hit a hiding civilian. I felt my mind shut down. The same scenario replayed over and over again. Had it not been for you, both I and the civilian would've been long gone now. I was only able to take a breath when they got stabilized by the medical team.”

“I’m sorry. I understand if you don't want to involve yourself with me anymore. But thank you for… being my friend.” 

Instead of letting you go, you felt his arm wrap even tighter. “I told ya, didn't I? I’ll walk with ya through everythin'. What happened then doesn't make you any less of a person in my eyes. You’ve saved more lives than any of us can count. I’m sure yer sister will be immensely proud of ya.” 

"And! I haven't kept my end of the deal for our bet. Ya didn't attend the banquet for it." 

How persistent. But he's always been like this. It comforts you, how he's still being Soshiro even after your heavy outburst.

You cleared your throat. “You said you like me.”

“Mhm? And what about it?” 

“...I’m sorry for unintentionally pushing you away, or if I was rude sometimes. I didn't know how to handle it.” 

He let out a laugh of relief. “Dear, that was nothin’ at all! Ya don't have to reciprocate, I only wanted to do what I can for ya. That won't change anytime soon.”

Back to his playful self, he let you go and squished your tear-stained cheeks. “I’ll go with ya anywhere, even if it's straight to hell.” 

What a fast turnaround of mood. You don't mind it, though. There's no use drowning in your anguish. You wanted to get better.

You frowned. “Don't want you to go to hell, ‘Shiro.” 

“Was kiddin’. Get some rest?” 

You tiredly nodded at him, eyes heavy. “Vice Captain. I’m officially giving you a chance. At the same time, I’ll start getting better.”

He shot you an incredulous look. “My title? Really now? Fine then, Platoon Leader, as a reward for taking your first step, let me bestow this upon ya. Close your eyes.”

What is he up to now? You’ll punch him with no hesitation if he kisses you on your lips.

You felt something cold wrap around your wrist, his own hand gripping the back of yours.

“Open up.” He held up your hand to your face level. It's a floral bracelet. He always loves associating you with flowers. You don't understand why, but someday you know you will.

“Perfect match, ain’t it? Now, for the cherry on top…”

His next move took you by surprise. With no hesitation, he kissed your palm. “There. I hope that wasn't too much?”

Receiving no reply, his eyes snapped to your face, worried if he overstepped his newly established boundary.

The sight that greeted him was something to behold. You were looking at anything but him, unable to control the redness of your face. Ah, so that was quite the shot to your heart then?

“Hello? Earth to you?”

“I’m fine! It's okay! Just… not used to it. Do give me a warning next time for my sake, please. And we're not yet in a relationship, mind you.” you said, shyness still evident.

He heartily laughed, still not letting go of your hand. “I’ll walk ya back to your room now. The princess needs her long needed quality sleep.”

And sure enough, it was indeed the most peaceful night you’ve ever had.

[the-monkey-ruler]

how is china characterizing 6em these days?

From what I can tell, it’s been a lot of them have either been brothers, old comrades that once knew each other, clones, or even complete strangers.

2016 A Chinese Odyssey Part Three 大话西游3 - this one they never really met at all just that they happened to look like each other. He does sleep around a lot in this one. Deadbeat dad.

2017 Journey to the West The Legend of the Merman 西游鲛人传 - killed by Wukong, wants him dead and tries to pretend to be him to break him up with his girlfriend. Pissed-offed villain.

2020 The Real vs. Fake Monkey King 真假美猴王之大圣无双 - strangers but that Six Ears was promised his wife would be healed if he took on Wukong's memories and lost his own so that evil lady can kill Wukong. Loyal husband who lost his identity.

2019 The Monkey King: The True Sun Wukong 美猴王之真假孙悟空 - this one they grew up as brothers but had a falling out over a girl. Jealous brother.

2020 Monkey King 大圣 - made from Wukong's qi and used as a tool to gain Wukong's trust while he is forced into a fighting battle. Lab Rat turned good I think?

2021 Monkey King: The One and Only 大圣无双 - this one the guy is actually just a hair clone that gained too much sentience. Hair Clone.

2021 Six-Eared Monkey 六耳猕猴 - this one they kinda knew each other but moreso Wukong knew the guy was a shit and always trying to fight him? Also, Six Ears adopts Wukong as his son. Some jerk turned dad?

2021 Marvel Monkey 六耳猕猴之妖王重生 - Six Ears is dead and it's about his next life as a human. Dead.

2021 The Monkey King: True and False Monkey King 齐天大圣之真假美猴王 - not actually sure, prettying sure it's about Six Ears trying to get Wukong to fight heaven again. Friends? Brothers?

2022 Journey to the West: True and False Monkey King 西游记 之真假美猴王 - Six Ears and Wukong are brothers and Wukong took the fall for Six Ears and pays the price to go on the pilgrimage while Six Ears wants revenge. Brother.

2022 King of Confusion: The Rise of the Great Sage / Four Monkeys in Confusion 混世之王：混世四猴 /混世之王之大圣崛起 - this is like Wukong meeting all the spiritual primates so I'm not too sure if they are all meeting at once but it sounds like they never met beforehand as Wukong is meeting them all on the journey. Clan member?

2023 I'm Not a Great Sage 我不是大圣 - Six Ears trying to be a villain but accidentally becomes a hero in his own right. Pretty sure he was just some guy in this but still a cute idea. Wannabe Villain.

2030 True and False Monkey King / Dare to Ask the Way: Apprentice Chapter 西游记之真假美猴王/西游记真假美猴王 - this one is like Six Ears is dead but Wukong takes on Six Ear's apprentice as his own I think? Dead.

So yeah there are a lot of different takes in the past decade or so with Chinese media when it comes to characterizing the Six-Eared Macauque. A lot of directors often use their own spin either making him cartoonishly evil which is always enjoyable. Some make him just straight-up evil while others make him a tragic character that is either an abomination or a man that has been pushed too far and needs to be put down. At least two just leave him dead. And then some that make him a confidant in Wukong that has betrayed him and we watch his descent into his own downfall from one thing to another. There are a lot of different directors doing a lot of different things and I think it’s great that people can have their own creative liberties when it comes to the character and can’t wait to see where more people take him.

But these are just the ones I know about. There could be more I haven't stumbled across yet but I have to say but is spilt between Wukong knowing him before the journey or him just being a guy that Wukong happens to become his obsession. Lots of variations of the character that I think anyone could find themselves being drawn to depending on what a person is interested in or looking for. I think directors have a lot of fun with Six Ears as not only a character but as a concept because everyone loves a good doppelgänger sometimes. He isn’t as popular as like DBK or Iron Fan when it comes to like movies or such but he is still well-known enough for him to have a lot of interpretation

[lurkinglurkerwholurks]

Breathing

First posted: May 28, 2018

Focuses on: Jason (and his family)

My favorite bookmark: "Jason Todd is sassy monster and Bruce has PTSD from this asshole dying. 🥺🤣"

My second favorite bookmark: "I CANT STOP CRYIIINNNG WTFFFU"

Tier: Pretty middle of the road in terms of metrics, but one of my personal favorites.

This is my "behind the scenes" series where I indulge myself frightfully by annotating my fics. Link to the fic itself above. Thoughts below the cut.

This fic was dedicated to @starknjarvis27 because she came up with the idea on one of our many BatFam discussions, and being a Megan Whalen Turner superfan, I couldn't not take on the idea.

For those unaware, this fic lifts the bones of an absolutely wonderful scene in The King of Attolia, the third (and best) book in the Queen's Thief series. I made sure you didn't need to know the series at all to enjoy "Breathing," but the girlies who know shriek more.

Jason was still breathing when Bruce found him.

Most of my fics, I may not totally know where they're going, but I know my first line. No exception here.

The voice of this one doesn't feel fully Bruce to me, which makes sense because it's so early on in my written works. Also I'm telling myself that's just young Bruce not sounding quite like his more mature self. Ah, the tales we tell ourselves sometimes. 💀

Jason’s chest, or what was left of it, rose again, the cavity of smashed ribs deepening as his lungs fought to work.

I don't know enough medical things to comfortably get too detailed on Jason's injuries (and I wasn't friends yet with Audrey to ask), but since this was Bruce's POV, I worked to make it adequately gruesome.

If those panicked, roving blue eyes with their black-blown pupils could see anything beyond his own fear.

And sometimes I make up words for fun.

He wanted to hold him. Wanted to scoop that broken body into his arms and shelter it with his own until the miracle he was praying for arrived. Bruce wanted to hold his boy. But his stupid, awful, useless brain hissed warnings of spinal injuries and paralysis, of the harm he could cause by giving into sentiment at just the wrong time.

Apparently I also knew how I wanted this section to end because I was deliberately writing toward

And, at last, Bruce held his son.

This.

Trying to figure out the setting of the second half was tough because I didn't care about where they were coming from. I wanted it to be vaguely comic cliche and hopefully not racist or otherwise offensive but that's all.

Also, ugh, staging. Staging. I hate staging. Trying to mark where everyone is and why and keep them all straight as they start to move. Bah.

Of course, now, looking back, hewing more closely to the original scenario where the main figure (Attolis, Jason) turns and smiles at the narrator just before disaster, that sure would have been something, wouldn't it.

But Jason. The odd man out. The wild card, for good or ill. The unpredictable ace up their sleeve. Their magnet for trouble, collector of odd experiences. Too cynical to be Dick, too rash to be Tim, too undisciplined to be Damian. Raised on the streets. Trained by a Bat and a Flying Grayson. Raised again by assassins. Comrade of drug dealers, mercenaries, and thieves. Their family stories always seemed to twist on a “but Jason.”

I like this bit a lot, personally.

He had never seen Jason kill like this. It was the blinding flash of blades, the blur of a tan leather jacket and dark curls, the splatter of red blood on grey stone. And then it was done.

BAMF JASON TODD!!!

At the weight of three sets of eyes landing on him, Jason turned only his head and met Dick’s gaze. His face was pale, almost green, and splattered with a fine mist of blood. It took Dick a moment to piece his coloring together with the slant of his jaw and the blaze in his eyes. He was angry. No, he was furious. But when his eyes met Dick’s, he smiled. All teeth. “Let’s not keep Daddy Dearest waiting, boys.”

Jason is scary and I love him. I think if I could pick an audio narrator for him, especially the way I wrote him in the beginning, I'd pick the guy who does the Raven Boys audiobook, specifically in the voice he uses for Ronan.

“I could use a hand on this next part,” Jason admitted, voice steady and cool. 

And my brain recites, oh gods, stairs.

“I’m dying, Dickie. My insides are on my outsides."

Direct. Hecking. Quote.

“I probably won’t even make it to the Batplane,” Jason moaned. “You’ll have to leave me here. They’ll make me a trail marker. Reach the skeleton with the sweet jacket and you’re halfway to the temple of doom.”

A nice little trail marker. So like a thief in a ditch, one might say.

Jason lay still on the narrow cot, conscious but boneless. Even the furious greenish tint of his skin had faded away into a bloodless pale. Alfred had pulled up his shirt to reveal the truth. Jason’s grip down the mountain hadn’t been only to stanch the bleeding, but to hold himself together. At some point in the blurred fight, a blade had snuck under his defenses and slit open his abdomen, nearly from hip to hip. The blood that had trickled through his shirt and over his hand had been nothing compared to the steady flow that had soaked unseen into his pants. Over Alfred’s shoulder, Jason opened his eyes and met Dick’s.

This is full-scale lifting, my obscene apologies to Megan Whalen Turner, I love your work.

Alfred’s back blocked most of Jason’s body from view. Dick could see Jason’s face and upper torso. Bruce, being taller, could probably see a little more. Damian and Tim, being shorter, could probably see a little less. Both boys stood further back as well, Tim just behind Bruce and Damian behind Dick.

friggin blocking, my foe. Just lining up the stupid little dominoes so they fall right in a minute.

Six people breathing. Five people breathing.

I'm a genius. Good job, me.

Jason erupted like a tiger caught in a snare. He clawed at the cot, trying to push himself up. Alfred cried out, warning of wounds and fresh blood and popped stitches as he tried to force Jason back down. Dick sprang forward and tried to grab his brother, but got a fist to the face for his troubles. He staggered back.

Againnnnnnnnnn I'm so sorry Megan Whalen Turner

Dick slowly unclenched his fingers, first releasing Jason’s hair, then his wrist. Violent red streaks branded Jason’s skin like a cuff

I am a clever little clog with my symbolism and because these fics are for me, I can be smug about it

At least a couple people have said this fic have pushed them to read Megan Whalen Turner which is all I could ever want or hope for.

[axl-ul]

The Flight of the Western Crane: Chapter Six

(A reupload/repost of my fic/dark retellingof Journey tot he West because the whole AO3 site, where I originally posted this, got taken down for now)

(General info about this fic/wip/retelling is here)

****

The leader slithered further into the light,“Thought you were a bit strange, at first. That you’re too smart. Lowkey old-fashioned, you see, old man.“

Wukong, who was the person of the rogue’s interest, stretched out declaring,“I was starting to miss you, as well. Especially after you blinded me in a completely fair fight.“ The simian sneakily readied his cudgel, his rough knuckles turning white, and stood in front of the witch to cover her frame with a majority of his own body. Although the dining hall was spacious enough for her to dodge, an unfamiliar feeling nudged him on to protect her. Even if it made him sick from the stomach, he decided to listen to the strange inner poking. “Then again, what else should I expect from a snake who had no remorse after killing his own comrade.“

“He knew what he was getting into,“ the mountain ruler barked back.

Meanwhile, Márgerdra saw her chance to speak up and seized it,“Just like those who hired you?“

“Shut it, woman. You better prepare for a serious talk after I’m done with that pipsqueak.“

“Want me to peck you on the left cheek as well for goodnight so you don’t feel lonely, darling?“ Márgerdra winked at him. Her compassionate facade disintegrated soon enough. Big eyes hid behind narrowed eyelids, cherry lips twisted into a furious grimace. Strands of hair wet from the underground humidity stuck to the vest and formed wild spirals similar to a bristled animal's back which gave Márgerdra a resemblance of a mad wolf. “Look, we know you’re a treacherous scoundrel. It can still pay out if you tell us who’s the puppeteer behind all of these schemes.“

The fiend didn’t seem to listen. His gaze lingered on Wukong. The stillness of Golden Viper’s expression made it impossible to estimate his future actions. Echos of the breeze sliding beside the enemies enlivened blood in their veins which rushed inside like an eagle coming down on its prey. The countdown for the whirlwind of cold metal rang against their innards.

Before they knew it, the fiend threw sharp darts and leapt to the side. Márgerdra and Wukong barely dodged it, one of the darts even penetrated the monkey’s loose sleeve. In return, Wukong leapt forward, his feet carrying the lean figure as if he were gliding through space. Gruff yells drummed against the walls and several stones fell down from the ceiling in a menacing response. Ruyi Jingu Bang’s golden blaze flooded the hall, causing Golden Wind Viper to stumble out of his cover. The cudgel tripped his legs up and sent the rogue down his nose to meet the limestone floor. Unhesitatingly and through the dull pain, the snake swiftly rolled sideways when the end of the Sage’s staff impacted next to the elongated head several times. As the Monkey King prepared himself to deliver a final blow to shatter his opponent’s skull, venomous saliva dashed in his direction. Wukong jumped back immediately before the spittle crashed and harmed the monkey man, which gave Golden Viper the opportunity to regain his fighting stance. Márgerdra used the small pause and replaced Wukong as the attacker. Her spear inflicted cuts on the rogue’s torso and abdomen. Alas, it was never enough for crossing him out of the list. Her feet in soft embroidered shoes brushed against the colourful paved strip of floor. Fluent turnabouts took turns with slight retreats only for the fiend to be met with a new set of stabs. A large bowl with nuts and apples, kicked by the woman, crashed against Golden Viper, breaking into thousands of pieces. Distraction that was much needed enabled the Wolf Witch to tackle the snake to the ground. The plan didn’t succeed, unfortunately. Even though the witch had a fair share of experience with sparring, the viper’s hidden knife cut the witch’s side. In an effort to save herself from further wounds she had no other option than to retreat thus letting Golden Viper throw her onto the nearby table. The loud crash rang down the cavern’s long throat far into its never-ending depths. Splinters found their way under her skin and painfully stayed to reside under it, agonising her every move. The idea he finally got rid of the hostile foreigner filled Golden Wind Viper with an indescribable joy. Knees straightened as thin legs carried the lanky body towards his second target. Curved knives peeked out from the leather belt.

Three swishes, three attempts to wound Wukong’s shin but none could penetrate through Wukong’s prompt staff spinning. Well aware that Golden Wind Viper’s knives went after his side knee ligaments the monkey man saw the enemy’s slyness so he undertook a risky step. Never stopping his staff spinning, the monkey pushed forward instead of further retreat and slowly drove Golden Wind to the wall. Fumes escaped their nostrils as the rage burnt their lungs and new grunts were born from the back of their throats. Chilling hostility and emerging bruises on their blazing skins covered with sweat followed their clash until two fighters met the steep wall with a hanging moss. Another set of rocks fell down, the dust followed their every step as the cavern angrily began to wake up from its long slumber. The giant may soon roar in doom and chaos.

Clenching the dark metal, Wukong’s hands brought down his cudgel to wedge the snake into the rock formation. Instead of reaching his goal the ear-piercing clangour filled the whole cave the moment when fast blades met the cudgel. Pushing against the much hated opponent, the snake demon yelled in anticipation of finally slashing the curved knife with a large turquoise gemstone through the monkey’s ribs. Yet, none of his expectations lived long enough to see the daylight.

Wukong had been around far longer than Golden Wind Viper. Despite his cudgel possessing several fatal flaws he never once thought of getting rid of Ruyi Jingu Bang. Quite the opposite, in fact. Downsides became his benefits. While the blades were still pushing against the black of the staff the Great Sage rose fingers on his left arm, gently leaned to the side and let the blades alongside with Golden Viper slide down thus gaining the upper hand once more. Once on the floor, Wukong finished his agile twirl and pinned the reptile chest to the cold stone. He raised his leg high and brought it down as quickly and hard as he was capable of. Cold wind surrounding him was set ablaze by Wukong’s gaze as pupils turned bright red. Slippery Golden Wind Viper stopped the monkey’s foot at the last second. His poisonous teeth stroke to sink into Wukong’s ankle until another hard kick from the side stopped the bald head. A tip of a spear appeared dangerously close to the snake’s bare throat. Márgerdra’s distant look chilled both men and even sent shivers down the simian’s spine until he felt his long tail reacting as well.

“Let go of him. Or I’ll make sure nobody is going to recognise your corpse ever again.“

Golden Viper gulped and stammered out,“Didn’t you need me to rat on somebody? ‘Cause in that case I’m much more valuable alive than dead, gorgeous.“

“Poor choice of words,“ Wukong uttered under his nose once he heard the nickname but decided to let the scene unfold itself in the natural flow.

Before Golden Wind Viper could’ve found more bold words Márgerdra had already lowered her heel deep into the snake’s crotch, her spear never leaving the presence of his neck. “You got some nerves to call me like that after forcing yourself on me and an innocent young lady.“ Ignoring his eyes bulging out of his skull and painful moans, she pressed further. “Secondly, who said I can’t dig up information even after your death?“ The viper froze. His breathless form seemed to have merged with the mountain itself.

Wukong raised his brows, the scar above his left eye twitched slightly,“That’s forbidden, blondie.“

“What about his behaviour? Do you see it as unproblematic, perhaps?“ she barked while her attention never turned away from the snake.

“Look, I’m down for all sorts of shenanigans and crazy tricks in magic. But reanimating the dead isn’t the best option.“

“Suddenly, a conscience is waking up inside you. Please, go on.“ Her voice carried a tired undertone.

“Back to this stuff? Alright. I was starting to miss your heartfelt comments.“

“Do not, I repeat,“ one of her hands let go of the long handle with a raised index finger, her tone remaining calm,“do not try to play this game with me.“

“Why not? Are you afraid to lose?“

“Of course not! But we have a business here, don’t we, imbecile?“

Golden Viper watched them for a while. His eyes flickered from one to another, surprised to see two demons to be so stubborn. He let out a confused whimper. Immediately, Golden Viper regretted it. First of all, he could’ve seized the chance for his escape. To add more salt into the wound, Wukong and Márgerdra snapped their heads toward the lying snake demon, disturbing looks making a nest on his shoulders. Now, he truly has to speak what’s on his mind so as not to get either eaten up by the tall beauty or be beaten to death by the impish macaque. “Can you simply decide what you wanna do to me? You’re like those humans after living for a whole lifetime together.“

Most probably, the remark hit the right nerve because Márgerdra spoke a simple yet unsettling command,“Tie him up, monkey.“

“Finally getting to find out where Shifu is?“

“Exactly, honey.“ Wukong couldn’t tell exactly whether the temperature truly dropped down or it was only his mind playing tricks on him upon witnessing the stillness of the woman’s porcelain face.

All three of them froze in place. Out of the blue, the southern wall began to crumble. 

****

“Shifu!!! Stay back!“

“Brother Bajie! I think I can’t keep them away any longer!“ Wujing felt the strength leaving his body.

“Wujing, we can do this! Just hold on!“ Mei and Bajie yelled at struggling Wujing while their grazed hands were throwing the dirt from the tiny buried passage Sanzang’d noticed.

“I can’t!!!“ Sandy yelled out when one of the better armed demons forced to the front row and nearly stabbed the long spear through Friar Sand’s thigh. Wujing cried out but he never let go of the barred door.

Sanzang almost ran up to help his youngest disciple. Soon, the young princess stopped him. A bone-chilling howl reached everyone’s ears alongside the unmistakable shaking of the ceiling above their heads. The time seemed to have stopped for a brief while. An unsettling feeling washed over Mei. Despite the ever-present fear she chose to follow her guts. Her fingers curled into a hardened fist and punched through the remaining blockade. Quickly grabbing the young monk by the collar she commanded Bajie and Wujing to follow through. As they hoped, the short tunnel led them out into an open space. To add to the prisoners’ little joy a picture of the Lady Wolf Witch and the Monkey King standing above the disarmed gang leader came into view. Nearly yelling out in their small victory, they ran up to the duo nearly tackling them down.

“Wukong! We found you, my disciple!“

“Shifu! Are you alright?“

“Yes! Yes, I am. Thank you for your concern. We barely escaped the guards-“ That was it. The guards. All of the snakes could’ve easily sneaked through the tiny hole. Yet no-one except for them arrived.

“Shifu? Big Brother?“ Ol’s Sha stuttered the only words he was able to dig from the back of his mind. Slowly raising his index finger, the fish-like demon pointed at the trembling wall.

Everyone gasped including the viper leader who in the meanwhile sneaked away from the distracted monkey and the witch. When Wukong noticed the figure crawling away, his stretched out hand clutched Golden Viper under his neck, the life soon escaping from the parted lips. In the meanwhile, dark eyes found the witch’s whip hanging by the viper’s belt from the deer skin. Wukong didn’t contain his bubbling emotions anymore and yelled out not realising his voice became the last drop for the wall to collapse. So did the ceiling and the floor under them.

Screaming and grabbing anything in sight, the group protected not only their own lives but also the lives of their comrades. As soon as Sanzang saw Golden Wind Viper struggling on the sliding rock he yelled at him through deafening noise,“Come on! Take my hand!“ The frightened fiend tried to do as he was told. However, the exhaustion from his previous fight prevented his legs from bouncing off correctly. The ruler of the Mysterious White Cloud Cave fell down with many of his stolen riches.

Wukong hesitated no longer and punched a new way out with his staff. Acting first and questioning later, his Master was thrown in first, His younger disciples and the princess following him closely behind. Márgerdra with Wukong were the last to leave the room.

A victorious smirk formed on the monkey’s face only for the demon to be cooled down by the terrifying discovery. The group was at last out of the cave. Instead of the flat platform a steep treeless downhill welcomed them alongside the burning sunshine.

Hairy legs gave up and he rolled down the cliff just like the rest of his companions. Mixture of screams and swearing filled up the whole valley, making its inhabitants look over the highest peak with a peculiar cloud of dust around.

Sharp mind swiftly regained the lost control over the muscles, the Monkey King’s eyes burst into flames. He somersaulted in the air and landed on all four, diving down the mountain side. The flexible spine curled in the manner of wild waves belonging to the Dragon King of the Eastern Sea, the gale got under the loosened tunic, lightly brushing his fur and hair. His tail helped him keep the balance as he caught up to Sanzang.

“Jindou Yu!“

A cloud with a golden hew formed under their feet and let themselves carry further without the deadly danger.

“Wukong! The others!“ Tripitaka pointed down, terror in his watered eyes.

“On my way, Shifu.“ The old monkey leapt down once more, now catching and forming a cloud with his juniors and Mei aboard who thanked him profoundly just before he was out of their sight.

His sharp gaze never turned away even if the branches from the newly emerging vegetation whipped him harshly. The hair-raising dash was coming to an end. Dwarf pines became shrubs of lively mahonias and hollies and those grew either into fragile cherries or majestic trunks of firs and maples. No matter what plant Wukong encountered, it certainly posed a deadly obstacle. At last, he saw Márgerdra’s body still falling through the air. The blonde was desperately stretching out arms and legs in hopes of hooking on a branch. He was fed up with wasting time anymore. The Sage summoned his somersault cloud for the third tie. Legs wrapped only in footwraps bent, the simian body hunched forward thus allowing the Monkey King to reach beyond his limits. A ground appeared in the view. The blood rushed into his head. He could feel the pressure increasing inside his skull, cornering his hopes for saving the woman. Márgerdra’s yells now clearly reached his ears. He crouched even more. The clutch around his chest made him hold a breath.

Márgerdra hugged tightly to the tiger skin, tugging it close to her chin. She survived plagues, she outlived many kings, she witnessed the downfall of her family. Faith in reconciliation burnt in her heart until now. This was it? One miserable fall? Never bringing Mei home because she slipped all too early? She grew up in the mountains. She was the mountain. This can’t be her end. She refuses to die like a scoundrel.

Only her shallow breaths remained. It’s just a dream. Nothing more. Only a bad dream. When she opens her eyes she’ll be in her quarters, warm blankets around her. The palace, all that comfort, Mei. Safety. Home. Just don’t cry. She should be better than that.

She closed her eyes.

“Márgerdra!“

Before she knew it, a familiar warmth surrounded her. The smell of bitter herbs and salty sweat reached her nose. The witch noticed she was falling no more. Instead, her body floated at a much more casual rate. A strangely soft thing brushed against the bare of her legs. Márgerdra couldn’t put a finger on what in particular it could be as she hadn’t dared to open her eyes, yet. She only snuggled into the lean chest.

“Don’t worry. I got you. Alright?“ Wukong’s hoarse voice repeated the same sentence over and over again. “I got you.“

Trickles of sweat made his face markings shine in the hot and humid space of the forest. He was hugging the witch with all his strength, his presence calming her down as she was finally assured to be sound and safe. Carefully, he peaked over the edge of his cloud. He caught the falling woman just in time. Had he been a second late, she wouldn’t have survived their escape.

The second the golden cloud put them down Márgerdra looked up to Wukong. He saw her intense gaze, her eyes retained their different shades of blue. “You’re a madman, Sun Wukong.“

He didn’t reply, neither did his face twist in anger. The monkey reached behind. “This is yours.“ He was holding the old whip with a dark red handle. Márgerdra’s eyes brightened up. Before she took it back, she offered her own hands with the yellow tunic and kilt from the tiger skin. “You, too, forgot something.“

“How did you get my stuff?“ Wukong asked while exchanging the items.

“When I was falling down I managed to grip onto your tunic stuck in between the ruins. Then, it all collapsed. But I couldn’t let go of it. I don’t know why, though.“

As if a poisonous dart paralysed her, when she realised the pressure of his palms against the nape. “Don’t touch my hair, please.“ The witch recoiled, the constant action Wukong couldn’t stop thinking about.

“Big Brother! Lady Wolf Witch!“

“Wukong!“

“Márgerdra!“

Two remaining clouds with their eager passengers flew down. Four people ran toward their beloved companions to greet them, shouting, crying out in pure joy and forming a circle around them, everybody hugging their friends until they were ready to stand up and do what was needed. To resume their search and to find a safe place.

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Taglist (let me know if you'd like to be added): @vanessaroades-author @rubywrite @aohendo @rbbess110 @jgmartin @outpost51

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List of chapters:

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-one

Chapter Twenty-two

Chapter Twenty-three

Chapter Twenty-four

Chapter Twenty-five

Chapter Twenty-six

Chapter Twenty-seven

Epilogue

[lacheri]

when you can’t sleep at night // wake me (sequel)

pairing: captain!Levi x cadet!fem bodied reader

content: angst, canonverse, mentions and talks of death/portrayals of death, depictions of violence, blood, overall dark themes, unestablished relationship, fingering, mutual loss of virginities, overstimulation, takes place sometime before the 57th expedition (didn't follow an exact timeline), there is a lot of talks about dying in this, levi asks a lot of intrusive questions, minors DNI.

summary: levi finds he holds an affection to a certain cadet of his. you find that maybe the comfort of your captain can quiet the thoughts plaguing your mind, even if just for one night.

wc: 10.7k

The clouds were so fluffy, so white and pure as you longingly watched them swirl above you. Your entire body was numb, back flat against the dirt with all your limbs stretched out. Your brain felt fuzzy, and for a fleeting moment you were flying in the clouds. You could feel the water vapor skim past your fingertips, the air whooshing against you as you soared. You looked down at the earth beneath your form, all the trees and even the walls looked so tiny from this height. This peaceful daydream was pulled from you with a start, your chest heaving with coughs.

“I’m so sorry!” you heard a voice call out, your line of vision intruded by the hazy form of a person leering over you. “I didn’t mean to hit you like that!”

“‘S okay,” you choked out, the numbness fading into aches all over your body. “I’ve gotten you good a couple of times too, Eren.”

“You know what, on second thought,” Eren’s lips spread into a smirk as he extended a hand down. “Consider this payback for beating my ass all those times in the Training Corps.”

“Good on you for finally landing a hit,” you chuckled, wincing as he hauled you to your feet. “Only took you three years.”

You rocked on your ankles, steadying yourself quickly before your legs gave out on you. Eren had gotten you good, roundhouse kicking you in your chest to lay you out on your ass. His training sessions had begun to pay off, used to the reverse happening when the two of you sparred. Mikasa would look on intently, a small smile on her lips when you’d punch Eren’s smug face with a sharp hook. You and 104th cadets were a friendly, strong group, bonded over the horrors of the titans, especially after what happened in Trost.

“What are you brats doing out here?”

Your heads whipped in the direction of the strong voice, meeting the steely hard set eyes of Levi, your captain and soon to be squad leader. His arms were crossed, and you gulped upon taking notice of how his biceps strained under the grey linen of his button up. You quickly flickered your focus back to his eyes before he caught you eyeing him up.

“Just sparring,” Eren hadn’t released the grip on your hand, nor had he noticed he was still holding onto your palm as he addressed the superior. “Prepping for the mission tomorrow.”

Levi frowned, “And who told you it was okay to do so when I gave you cadets instruction to clean the headquarters from top to bottom?”

You pulled your hand from Eren’s as you responded, “Sorry, Captain Levi. We’ll get on it right away.”

Levi only let out a displeased ‘tch’ as he turned on his heels, walking away without further commentary. Eren shot you an eye roll, and you held back a snicker as the pair of you followed shortly after the ravenette. Maybe the two of you had snuck away to leave the rest of your comrades to attack the former Survey Corps headquarters with dusters and cleaning rags, not wanting to participate in your weekly assigned duties. Eren had been adamant in the cobwebbed hallway on the second floor that he had to practice his hand to hand combat, just in case your squads ran into some problems on tomorrow’s mission. You had eagerly agreed, wanting to be as far away from the unsettled dust that assaulted your nostrils, itching at your allergies.

As the three of you entered the building, Levi abruptly turned to the two of you trailing behind him, you and Eren jumping in fright, “Eren, go to the dining hall, you’re going to wipe down underneath all the tables. As for you, brat, you get the honor of cleaning my room.”

Eren shot you a sympathetic look discreetly, nodding to your captain as he hightailed it to the hall.

You swallowed a lump in your throat, alone now with the captain. He studied you for a brief moment, gesturing with his head for you to follow him. Your feet moved before your mind could will you, and the soft thuds of your footsteps across the wooden planks of the floor was all that was heard. You snuck glances at the man before you, taking notice that his undercut was slightly grown in, his longer hair uncharacteristically out of place. Levi looked disheveled in a way, his tan leather jacket creased.

You opened your mouth to make a comment, but decided against it in the end. You were going to offer your assistance, to help freshen up his fade and to do his laundry, but figured Levi was a grown man who could take care of himself. You had a soft spot for the man, humanity’s strongest soldier. You knew a title like that came with a weight you could not fathom, especially after the horrors you had seen at Trost when the titans broke through the walls. You could remember everything so clearly, almost as if it was happening right now. You had nearly died that day.

Your older age amongst your fellow cadets was not one of gain you found out. After learning about the tragedy of Wall Maria, the wall closest to your village, it inspired you to join the Survey Corps in order to help the world. Humanity was dying, almost completely obliterated. Distant family members had died in Shiganshina that day, and the reality of the titans weighed heavily on you. How could you sit idly by as the world you knew was being destroyed before your very eyes? What would’ve happened had that attack been on your small village instead of the Shiganshina district? How would you have protected your own?

So with those thoughts in mind, you joined the training corps. Your parents had disagreed with broken hearts, knowing the likely fate of your choices. Your mother had insisted that you were of ripe marrying age, and that they had no other children to carry your family name. They begged and pleaded for you to settle down and find a husband, to help humanity in a different way by bearing children. You knew this was just a fantasy, and you knew it would be entirely possible that if you were to follow their wishes, the family you would create would be devoured and destroyed. This was the only way you could help, no matter your age or being in your reproductive prime. You needed to slaughter the titans, one by one until none remained. You kissed your beloved family goodbye the day you left for training, and you frequently sent them letters to let them know you were well and alive. One day, they all were returned back to you as you sat in the barracks, and one of the captains informed you that your village was destroyed, your parents and friends from home all dead.

You thought of them as you sliced through a five meter titan’s nape in Trost, your first kill. The citizens of the district ran stampeding in retreat, and caught up in the heat of it all, you had failed to account for the seven meter barreling behind you. When it’s burning fingers wrapped around your body, you sobbed, preparing to meet your family in the afterlife, whatever that would look like. You could feel the hot spats of drool hit your cheeks as the titan opened its mouth, bearing teeth and a cruel grin, and then suddenly, you were flying, caught in the arms of a savior. You stared in disbelief at the cut off fingers on the graveled stone of the street, to only be brought out of this state as Mikasa held you close and questioned if you were alright.

After the dust settled and the casualties were counted, you could feel a fire blazing deep within you. You never wanted to be vulnerable like that ever again, you wanted to be strong like Mikasa. Then, you met Captain Levi. You didn’t know much about him, but his reputation spoke volumes. You wanted the strength of the Ackermans whom you so deeply admired. You begged Commander Erwin to be assigned to Levi’s squad, and your wish was granted. You had been in the top rankings of your class, and you had a solo kill under your belt, aside from the near fatal clutch of another titan. Most of all, you had survived, a bigger feat than most of your comrades.

“Oi, you done daydreaming?” Levi’s cool voice brought you out of your train of thoughts as you arrived outside a wooden door, presumably his temporary living space.

“Sorry, just thinking,” you mumbled as he opened the door.

“Didn’t think you were capable of that. All the supplies are in the box on my desk, I want this room spotless, I don’t care how long it takes,” your captain grumbled as he made strides to his desk in the center of the room.

The room was fairly large, a double bed pressed against the left wall and the dark wooden desk was littered in paperwork. Half filled bookshelves lined the right wall, some mismatched couches and chairs filled the empty space. Honestly, the space was nearly perfect, even the bed was made. You knew better than to point this out to your superior though, so you had simply nodded and began to sort through the various cleaning supplies.

The scratch of Levi’s pen filled the hour long silence as you worked, dusting every surface and wiping it down with disinfectant spray and an old rag. After sweeping thoroughly, you flickered your eyes to the single window in the entire room, surprised completely as the sun had nearly set. The two of you were probably going to miss dinner, you realized as Levi poked his head up from the pile of papers he was concentrated on, a clear look of distaste on his features.

“This is what you call clean?” he spat, running a hand through his bangs. “Mop the floors, cadet.”

You sighed, feeling the subtle growl of hunger in the pit of your stomach. The mop laid in the left corner by the bedroom door, where you had found the broom. You swapped the two, picking up a bucket on the floor. You filled the wooden container with disinfectant, not seeing any polish in the box Levi had provided. He only rolled his eyes at seeing this, but said nothing. At least the floor would be clean.

Levi had lit a few lamps around the room to provide lighting as the sun dipped lower in the sky, swallowing the room in darkness. The floor was sparkling as you finished the last spot, a feeling of satisfaction filling your chest.

“Better?” you interrupted his concentration. He gazed around the room silently, face blank.

“Much,” Levi finally spoke. “That’ll be all, cadet.”

You smiled, setting the cleaning supplies back to their original locations, “Do you want me to bring you anything? I’m going down to grab dinner.”

Levi’s eyes widened at the question, not expecting your offer, “Some tea would be fine. Don’t fuck it up either, brat.”

You nodded as he dismissed you, and you treaded down the stairwell from the second floor to the kitchens. Some of the other cadets littered the dining hall as you passed, seeing some of your comrades laughing at a table, but you paid them no mind. In the kitchen there was hardly any leftover food from the dinner, scraps of potatoes sat in a large bowl on one of the counterspaces. You sighed, scarfing down whatever was available while you set a rusted kettle to a flame. The water was boiled within minutes, and you poured it over tea leaves in two teacups. You cleaned up your mess, and made your way back to Levi’s room.

You knocked twice on the door, hearing his grunt to signal you to enter. Levi was still positioned in his chair at his desk, head in his hands as he scanned over his documents. You placed his cup down silently, ready to leave the man to his work.

“Why are you here, cadet?” your captain called out as you went to open the door.

You turned your head to look at him, his eyes never leaving the words of his papers, “What do you mean, captain?”

“The Survey Corps,” he clarified, finally making eye contact. “Why?”

“To save humanity, sir?” you didn’t mean to speak as if you were questioning him, but your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

He scoffed, setting his paperwork aside, “Humanity, huh? You’re a bit too old to be in the graduating class you’re currently in. Why join now?”

“I’m sorry, but I’m confused,” your body was facing his entirely now. “Why are you asking me these questions?”

“Because it doesn’t make sense,” he more so mumbled to himself. “You shouldn’t be here. You should be pregnant with your first born, with a husband. Instead, you’re here, trying to fight titans.”

“With all due respect, Captain,” your voice was laced with controlled anger. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

“Aren’t you scared?” Levi continued, ignoring your question. “You could’ve picked the easy way.”

“It would’ve been in vain. My village was wiped out shortly after Wall Maria fell.”

He hummed, his hands coming down to rest on the wooden notches of his desk, papers forgotten, “You were in the top ranks. You could’ve joined the military police.”

“And hear how my comrades died instead of helping them?” you gawked.

“It’s a lot better than watching.”

You shut your mouth then, lips pressing tightly together. You didn’t understand why your captain was questioning you like this.

“I see the way you are with them,” his tone softened, not looking you in the eyes as he spoke. “How you all are.”

“Just because I’m friendly doesn’t mean I’ll forget the purpose of the scouts,” you said defensively, crossing your arms. “I have my own ass to account for.”

Levi pushed off his chair suddenly, scraping the just mopped floor and jolting up to his legs, “You have no idea what it’s like out there. Your friends are going to die, cadet. There’ll be nothing you can do to save them. Are you prepared for that? Collecting their bodies, or whatever’s left of them to take home to their families?”

Your mouth went dry, jaw slacking, “Captain, I know what loss feels like. My family is dead, some of my so called ‘friends’ died in Trost. I know what I signed up for.”

He scoffed, circling around his desk to stand a few feet away from you, “Haven’t you seen enough?”

“Are you trying to get me to quit the Survey Corps?” you asked incredulously.

“Yes. You don’t belong here,” his tone was rough as he spat at you. “Go find a husband. Get the fuck out of the military.”

“I don’t want to,” your anger simmered as you stared down at your boots. “I don’t have a home to go back to. I can’t leave. I know the other cadets aren’t my friends. I’m just trying to make the best out of my life before I die. I know I’m going to die. What’s so wrong about trying to find comfort in others?”

“You are a fool,” he seethed, teeth clenched. “You want to die?”

You shook your head, not bothering to keep the conversation going, “I’m going to bed, Captain. I’ll see you tomorrow for the mission.”

“I didn’t dismiss you, cadet,” Levi towered over you now as your hand wrapped around the doorknob.

You brought your fist up to your chest in a salute as you began to exit, “With absolutely no disrespect, I’m exhausted. Have a good night, Captain.”

You pushed the door shut in front of you as you stood in the hallway. You knew you would be getting an ear full from Levi in the morning, but honestly, the conversation was beginning to stir up feelings you’d rather not address. Intrusive thoughts filled your mind as you made your way to the first floor where your temporary bedroom resided.

You couldn’t answer Levi’s question because in a way, in a very selfish train of thought, you didn’t want to be a part of the titan’s world anymore, whether that meant death or something else. How easy it would be for you to greedily pack your things and leave the military and take refuge in some random village to live out the rest of your days, however long they would be. Or to just simply become fodder for the titans in your quest to rid the world of their reign.

Your uniform was folded on your bedside table, a cotton shirt and shorts on your body as you sat on your bed over the covers. You could hear the soft snores of Christa as she slumbered peacefully in the bed across the room, and you gazed over her body under her covers. You knew the people you trained with, fought with, grew fond of, were not your friends. How could they be? It’d only make things harder in the end. Like Levi had said, you might be the one collecting their deceased bodies after a battle. How could you ever grow close to someone that you knew their days were numbered?

The 104th cadets were your comrades, not your makeshift family. You had to remind yourself of that every time Sasha would ask for your leftovers, batting her big eyes at you. When Eren would spar with you, telling you how strong you were and commending you on how far you had come since the first day of the Training Corps. How Mikasa literally saved your life, and how you had admired her ever since. Armin’s unmatched potential and growth. Jean’s relentless taunting, giving you the nickname of gram because of your age. Connie, well frankly, just being Connie. Reiner and Bertholdt’s strong will and passion. Annie’s unwavering willpower and prowess. All the other cadets who you’d gotten to know so well, you had to constantly imagine their corpses as they smiled at you and tried to get to know you. So, you stayed back, opting to be alone at any opportunity, so their deaths would be easier to swallow when the time came.

You squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head to try and rid yourself of your thoughts. It was of no use, and with a sigh you pushed yourself out of your bed. You deemed it would be yet again another sleepless night, and you realized sadly you had left your tea cup in Levi’s office completely untouched. You didn’t bother to entertain the thought of going back to retrieve it, instead you slinked through your bedroom door and out of the headquarters.

The night air was chilly, and you felt regret for not grabbing your jacket on your way out. The moon was gone, a completely black night, and you could see the stars crystal clear. The sky was your favorite sight, especially on nights like this.

You found a nice patch of soft grass, and laid on your back to gaze up at the sky. This was always your comfort, even as a child, to go outside and watch the sky, day or night. Your mother would warn you that your eyes would fall out of your head if you stared too long at the sun, at the moon. You didn’t care, because in those moments you felt so free. Free of the walls that caged you inside, of the world around you. You were the clouds, the stars, the wind as it rolled past. Maybe you were never meant to be human, you mused. You were meant to be nature, never to experience the trials and tribulations of sentinel living. You were supposed to be free, all knowing and ignorant at the same time, existing without the weight of consciousness.

“Thought you were going to bed, cadet?”

You were startled by the boom of a familiar voice behind you, collecting yourself and clearing your throat, “I couldn’t sleep.”

Levi’s head bobbed into your field of vision, “Thought too hard today?”

You rolled your eyes, feeling guilty as you caught the action afterwards and hoped your captain wouldn’t find it as a disrespect, “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Why are you out here of all places, without a jacket?” out of the corner of your eye you watched as Levi brought himself down to sit next to you.

“I like watching the sky,” you put simply, trying not to make eye contact. “Makes me feel better.”

“About dying?” he said, and you knew that he wouldn’t let your previous conversation go. You decided to humor him, if only to get these thoughts out of your mind.

“Yes.”

“Like what?” he almost sounded uninterested, but from his line of questioning you knew he was anything but.

“I don’t want to die,” you admitted, digging your fingernails into the grass by your waist. “I don’t want to watch anyone die. I never wanted to join the military. I felt like I had no choice.”

“We always have a choice,” he leaned his back to see whatever had your attention draw above you.

“Either fight the titans or get eaten alive when they attack the walls?” you snorted. “What a hard decision to make.”

“Why’d you join the Survey Corps?” he asked once again.

“I didn’t want my family’s death to be in vain. I had cousins, aunts and uncles in Shiganshina.”

“What about your death?”

“I hope it’ll mean something,” you breathed, feeling your chest get tight. “I hope this all will mean something.”

Levi looked at you then, a glimmer of something you couldn’t identify in his eyes, “You sound like Erwin when you talk like that.”

You made eye contact, a small smile on your lips, “The Commander’s an amazing man. I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

Levi scoffed, “Take it as you will.”

“What else could I do? I’m trying so hard to make a difference, to make life easier for others so they don’t have to suffer this fate. Isn’t that why we all joined the Survey Corps?” you continued your train of thought. “Maybe we all have a death wish. Fuck, I know I have one. It all just fucking hurts, Captain. I can’t help but think of others all the time, of all the loss and the grief they've gone through, what I’ve been through. At what will keep happening until all the titans are gone for good.”

“Why the sky?” he changed the subject, seemingly bored of your repetitive narrative.

“Because there’s no titans up there,” you joked without humor. “There’s no walls, no boundaries, no rules. It’s never ending. Where are the stars? How does day and night occur? Where does the moon go when the sun’s out? It amazes me, that’s all. Makes me think of how big the world is, of what’s out there besides this.”

“You think too much for a brainless brat,” Levi grumbled, laying on his back and joining you.

“I know,” you chuckled, turning your body to face him. “Wish I could turn off all my thoughts, it would probably make life a whole lot more livable.”

He hummed, eyes drawn in to your face, “I understand. What you said earlier, too, about finding comfort in others.”

“What do you mean?” you propped your head on your hand and you positioned your elbow to support you.

“I guess I never thought about it before tonight,” he blinked, expression unreadable. “Life as a soldier isn’t a comforting one. I guess that’s what I was trying to tell you about.”

You read between the lines of his words, recognizing it as his form of an apology, “I know. But it’s still the life I chose. At least I’m trying to make a difference, we all are.”

“Y’know, I’ve been paying attention to you for some time now. I didn’t understand when Erwin came to me and told me you had asked to be put on my squad. I took a look in your file, and I saw you after the attack on Trost, and I still didn’t understand,” Levi spoke slowly. “I don’t think I get you at all, even now.”

“I don’t think I understand myself,” you laughed dryly, returning your attention to the sky.

“You should get some sleep, cadet,” he advised softly, pushing himself off the ground. “And for fuck’s sake do it soon, I won’t be taking care of your ass if you get a cold.”

Levi stalked off before you could utter a response. You sighed, and decided his words were wise enough to follow. A few moments after your captain had left you, you followed his pathway back to the entrance of the former headquarters. You entered, making a hasty retreat back to your room where Christa was still knocked out cold.

Under your covers, you replayed your conversations with Levi. You still couldn’t figure out why he had questioned you like he had, why he even cared in the first place. Maybe it was his own gnawing curiosity, trying to understand why some random twenty-something year old girl insisted on being in his squad like you had. Maybe, you thought egotistically, you had your own reputation. You inwardly snorted, probably not.

Images of your captain under the moonlight played beneath your eyelids as you finally managed to drift off into a dreamless sleep.

The mission had gone horribly wrong. At least for you, to be honest you had no idea where the rest of your comrades were as you raced on your horse, desperately searching the sky for flares. You hadn’t seen a single one in a while now, at least ten minutes, and your heart was thudding hard as thoughts that the entire fleet of soldiers you had joined had been decimated. You were completely alone, the walls distant behind you. All you knew is that you couldn’t stop, couldn’t turn around or else you’d really be lost.

The 104th had stayed behind at the former headquarters, this having been a smaller expedition to clear out some titans before the planned 57th expedition in a few weeks. Levi, Oluo, Petra, and Gunther, as well as a few other squads accompanying you, were in a near perfect formation when an abnormal titan had broken through, killing a few unnamed soldiers at your side that you had never met before today.

In the far left distance, you could see a large forest full of trees. Your jaw slacked open, relief running through your veins when you caught sight of some men on horses heading that direction. Green flares shot up high in the sky, and you pulled the reins of your mare to follow. Your plan was brought to a screeching halt though, as you heard the thunderous footsteps shake your horse, and your body. You threw a glance behind your shoulder, a ten meter titan running straight towards you. You reached to your side quickly, shooting a red flare above you to warn any close by comrades.

The titan was gaining speed, about a dozen yards now behind you. You really wanted to avoid confrontation was much as possible, but as those yards closed between you and the titan, you growled and prepared yourself. You gave your horse a soft pat on her neck, and heaved yourself to stand on the saddle. You gaged your surroundings, seeing complete flat plains all around you, not an ideal situation for fighting at all.

Your odm gear shot you straight to the titan’s legs, a plan instilled in your head on the best way to take it down. It was fairly thin and muscular, but you decided it was just a plain titan as it dumbly stared at you with its wicked grin. Your dual blades locked in your hands now, you swung behind the titan and sliced through its ankles. The ten meter fell swiftly, giving you the perfect opportunity to land on its nape and kill it. It stilled completely beneath you after your swift cuts, and you ran as fast as your body willed you to rejoin your mare.

You placed your fingers to your lips, whistling as loud as you could. Your horse, at least 100 feet away, perked its ears and turned at a rapid speed straight back to you. She neighed as she reached your form, and you hauled yourself back on her saddle, kicking your legs for her to break into a full gallop to where the green flares still lingered in the air.

You didn’t bother to signal another flare in the air, seeing no other flares around you. As you neared closer to the forest, you felt incredibly relieved at the sight of your squad, now able to make out their faces. Petra waved her hands high in the air, about 20 feet away now. You saw Oluo, Gunther, and Levi, unharmed, as you got closer, bringing your horse down to a slightly slower gait, seeing no titans around.

“Are you okay?” Petra shouted at you once you reached the group. “Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m okay!” you spoke as fast as you could. “The other cadets I was with were killed by an abnormal, I got split up from them.”

“What was that red flare?” Oluo questioned, worry riddled in his eyes.

“It’s fine, I killed it,” you breathed shakily. “Where are the others?”

“Retreating back to the walls,” Levi answered, voice hard and commanding. “We’re out of blades, and there've been too many casualties. The others have the deceased’s bodies.”

You and your squad nodded, and with no further delay, you broke your horses into a full sprint back to the walls. The sun hung low in the sky, sunset merely a few hours away. Now in a formation in the clear open plains, you noticed out of the corner of your eye some movement.

“Abnormal titan to the right!” you screamed, turning your head to watch the titan’s arms flail, running in an irregular pattern.

“Holy fuck,” Gunther’s eyes widened in horror, shooting a black flare into the sky. “That’s got to be a 15 meter!”

“Don’t engage!” Levi barked, eyes trained straight ahead at the walls. “Keep an eye on it!”

“Sir!” the four of you quipped.

It seemed the abnormal titan had other plans as it caught sight of the five of you, its pace changing with intentions.

“It’s heading straight towards us!” Petra called out, flickering her eyes between the running titan and your captain. “Orders, Captain?”

Levi kept silent, much to your horrors. It was only a few yards away now, speed not slowing. Levi’s attention was completely ahead, the walls almost in full view. You were so close, not close enough though and the abnormal titan’s legs moved faster.

“Captain Levi!” Oluo shouted, eyebrows shot into his hairline.

The titan was less than three yards away when Levi finally spoke, “Petra, Oluo, make it fast!”

You shot off your horse before Levi’s lips opened, his commands unheard by you. Your odm ropes attached right into the titan’s ankles, just like how you had done before. There’s a reason they called it an abnormal titan though you discovered as its fingers closed around the wiring of your gear, yanking the ropes out of its skin and hauling your body up.

You squirmed, mashing your buttons desperately to get your hooks out of its fist as you were brought to the titan’s mouth. It was an ugly son of a bitch, teeth on full display in its evil smile. You couldn’t believe how badly you had fucked up again, the titan’s other hand gaining momentum as it lifted to wrap its disgusting meaty fingers around you. You watched as the fingers were sliced off before they could reach you, and suddenly you were free falling as the hand holding your odm ropes fell from its arm. You redirected yourself back to its ankles, back to your original plan of taking out the nerves to allow the titan to fall, your nerves entirely shot, your adrenaline in full control.

Levi had both his swords drawn as he met you at the back of the 15 meter’s legs, “Are you trying to get yourself fucking killed? You should’ve let the others handle it!”

“I thought I had it, Captain!” you curtly shouted, cutting through the tendons and getting sprayed with steaming blood. The titan did not falter though, but thankfully you and Levi had created a useful diversion as Petra, and Oluo took out the titan’s nape. You and your group shot back to your horses as the titan fell from its height, dead on impact.

The opening of the gate of Wall Rose was a fucking blessing, and your squad couldn’t have ran through it any faster. You heard the roaring of the gate as it closed behind you, and you were choking on shallow breaths as you slowed your mare’s gait.

None of you spoke a single word as you returned to the former headquarters, exhausted after the adrenaline of your mission wore off. You returned your horses to the stables, where feed and water awaited them. Your squad practically ran off, and you were confused until you saw the pissed off look of your superior aimed directly at you. Gulping down spit, you turned on your heel, ready to take off.

Levi’s arm shot out around your bicep, harshly tugging you to stop your escape, “Are you a fucking idiot, cadet? What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I thought I could take out the titan by its ankles!” you defended quickly, gritting your teeth as his fingers dug into your clothed arm. “It’s how I took out the other titan I killed, Captain!”

“You better learn quickly that all titans are not the same! Or did you not learn that in training?” Levi growled out between clenched teeth.

“I thought I could take it out,” you grumbled, ripping your arm out of his grip.

“You betrayed my orders. You listen to me and my commands, cadet,” he spat out, his eyebrows furrowed, his eyes burning holes into yours. “Remember your place.”

You pivoted yourself away from your captain, trotting ahead to head inside the headquarters, voice laced with malice as you grumbled, “I’ll do as I see fit.”

This would be the second time Levi hadn’t dismissed you before leaving him behind, you realized as you arrived at the communal bathroom. You sighed heavily, leaning back against the closed door, completely alone. Thankfully, it was very late in the evening, and if your comrades weren’t in bed already, they would be heading to sleep soon. You were so relieved to get some much needed alone time, especially now that you had such a terrible day.

You changed out of your blood soaked uniform, not bothering to fold it as you laid the clothes on the floor. Stark naked, you began to fill the bathtub basin with running water, a very rare luxury due to the previous care when the headquarters was up and running. With the porcelain half filled, the water steaming, you sunk your aching body into the scalding bath. The water turned a deep pink as you scrubbed your skin with a rag that had been resting over the rim. You untied your hair and dipped your head back, threading your fingers through your knots after generously coating the strands with soap. You drained the dirty water, refilling it back up now that most of the dirt and blood had been washed away. The tub held a pastel pink hue now, but you felt much cleaner and you sunk back in the tub, stretching out as much as you could.

You didn’t dare close your eyes for too long, picturing the events of today. You didn’t try to reflect on the lives that had been lost on today’s mission, the strangers you never had the pleasure, or perhaps displeasure, of getting to know. It made it easier in a sense to forget, to keep pushing forward. Still, the gore and the cruelty of what being a part of the scouts was truly about haunted the corners of your mind as you absentmindedly rubbed soap along your limbs. Maybe you were trying to wash away these memories, too.

Half an hour later, you decided it was time to dry off and get into comfortable clothing as the water cooled and your skin had pruned. You unplugged the drain, standing and reaching for a towel. Wrapping the fabric around your chest, you stepped out of the tub, feet leaving wet prints on the floor as you treaded to your bedroom, soiled clothes in hand.

An oversized white long sleeve hung off your frame, accompanied by your favorite cotton shorts as you sat on your bed, completely alone. Christa had briefly mentioned before your mission this morning that she’d be spending the night with Ymir, to which you were inwardly grateful for the promise of solidarity. As you sat hunched over, you found yourself longing for the comforting presence of someone, anyone, to distract you from the images that plagued your mind, no matter how hard you tried to push them away.

You jerked with a start as you pictured the angry face of your captain, feeling immense guilt pool in your gut. You had never spoken so much with Levi before yesterday, realizing the weight of your words and actions, reckless and undermining his authority. Maybe you owed him an apology, for if nothing else to at least calm your mind enough for sleep.

You didn’t remember the walk when you had arrived outside the captain’s door, or could recall if you had knocked before it swung open, revealing Levi’s surprised expression.

“I’m sorry,” you blurted out, nervously tugging at your sleeves as you avoided eye contact. “I’ve been disrespectful, Captain, and I’m sorry.”

“Cadet,” his teeth clenched tightly. “Do you understand what time it is?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” you whimpered, legs ready for a moment's notice of a retreat. “I’m sorry, I’ll leave—“

Levi’s hand shot out to circle your wrist, and you finally looked up into his charcoal eyes, “Don’t, come in.”

You couldn’t protest as you guided you into his room, shutting the door behind you after you passed the entry. Levi was dressed casually, beige cotton shirt hanging off his torso, plain grey pants on his lower half. The bags under his eyes told you he had also not been able to fall asleep. He led you to sit on his neatly made bed, towering over you with his arms tightly crossed.

“I was on my way to check on you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “What?”

“You didn’t knock,” Levi clarified, looking anywhere but at you. “I was already at the door. You’d seen a lot today. I don’t need my soldiers having breakdowns after every mission.”

He was worried about you, your breath halted in your throat.

“Oh,” you dumbly said.

“Seems like you did me a favor by coming here,” he mused, sighing as he ran a hand through his bangs. “Why can’t you sleep?”

“Thinking, again, about everything,” you crossed your thighs, body language signally how uncomfortable you were upon talking about these feelings.

“Your brain is going to cause you more grief if you don’t stop,” Levi’s spare hand grasped your chin gently, bringing your head up so you could look him in the eyes. “Why do you insist on being alone with these thoughts?”

“Captain, weren’t you just saying it’s a bad idea to have friends?” you could feel the pounding of your heart in your chest at his gesture, unsure of his intentions.

“Weren't you just talking about finding comfort in others?” Levi leaned down, you felt his breath against your lips as he spoke. “I’ve been paying attention to you for awhile, cadet.”

“You looked in my file, you told me already,” you whispered, unsure that if you spoke at full volume your voice wouldn’t quiver.

“No, I’ve been watching you. You’re not exactly quiet when you sneak out at night, y’know. I’ve seen you,” he hesitated briefly before continuing. “I’ve watched you cry all alone, how you try to distance yourself from the others. I was testing you yesterday, brat. I think I understand now, though.”

Your captain crouched down to meet you at eye level, fingertips never straying from your chin, and you felt your lip quiver as he rasped, “I understand, because I get it. You’ve always felt alone, haven't you?”

You nodded, scared to voice the truth, he continued, “I’m not going to explain myself to you, and if I hear a single word spoken about any of our conversations, I will personally sign your extermination paperwork. You’re different, you’re not like the others. You know what grief is, what pain and loss feels like. Your mission, your goals, it keeps driving you forward. Who couldn’t notice that?”

Levi scoffed, and you managed out a tiny, “Captain Levi.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you telling me this?” you could feel the harsh prick of tears try to escape your eyes, blinking furiously to not allow them to fall.

“Because,” he brushed back your hair behind your ear with his spare hand. “We’re exactly the same, and I can’t allow you to continue living like this, knowing where you’ll end up. Are you a virgin, cadet?”

“Yes,” you stuttered, thoroughly embarrassed.

“I am too,” Levi confessed, his eyes baring his soul. “I’m in my thirties, and I’ve never taken a woman to bed. All because of my mission.”

“My parents raised me to save myself for marriage,” your lips hung open. “But, they’re dead now, and I’ll probably never be married.”

“Cadet?” Levi’s hand came up from your chin to rest his palm against your cheek. “You talk about choices, you told me about how you never followed the path set for you. Why don’t you allow yourself some peace, some comfort? If not for yourself, for others, for your fellow comrades?”

“Are you asking to fuck me, sir?” your body felt heavy, uncomfortably numb but you couldn’t will yourself to move an inch, your mind was frazzled.

“I’m asking for permission to comfort you, both of us. I’m tired of being alone, aren’t you?” his face had fallen completely, and you were in awe of how open and raw Levi was.

You didn’t answer him, instead pushing his hands off of your face to capture his cheeks in your own hands, forcing your lips together. Fuck the world, fuck the titans, fuck every single thing that dared to bother you and your existence. You were tired, tired of denying yourself pleasures and comfort and basic human interaction. Who cared if you all died? Would it be for naught that you had never gotten to know your comrades? What would be the point in dying for your military if you didn’t have a motivation, a passion driving you? You were so fucking lonely, and Levi was too as he crashed his lips against yours, wrapping his long arms around your back to hold you closer.

You felt the older ravenette pull away for a moment, tugging his shirt over his head to reveal his scarred and muscular chest. You ran your fingers over his middle slowly, taking in every dip and every flex of his body. Levi was beautiful, and you felt honored that you were here in this moment, with a man who had heard more of your thoughts and feelings than any person before. He stopped your hands as they came to his pecks, pushing your arms high to remove your own shirt.

Your nipples hardened meeting the cold air, exposed now in the dim candle light. You didn’t dare cover yourself, nor did Levi let you get the chance. His hands were all over your chest within an instant, caressing and groping as his lips met yours once again. You hadn’t bothered to tell Levi that he was your first kiss, the first man to see you naked, the first man who had shown genuine interest in you and your body. Maybe you’d tell him later, but for now, you just wanted to quell the thoughts swarming your mind.

You stood quickly, maneuvering your lips to the side of his exposed neck. Your kisses were sweet, innocent and pure as Levi began to pull your shorts off, your panties accompanying the fabric. You kicked out of them as Levi grabbed the back of your head, groaning as he slammed your mouths together once more in an open kiss.

Your hands were everywhere on his skin, trying desperately to remember every single detail, knowing that this would most likely be a one time thing. You knew the risks of becoming entangled in a romantic relationship in the military, more so the scouts. Levi or you, or anyone, could die at any moment. This only motivated you further in your desire, ripping down his pants, mildly surprised to see your captain not wearing any underpants.

Levi breathily mumbled as he grasped your waist and led you flat on your back atop his bed, “I thought you were dead today.”

“I’m not, and neither are you,” you hushed his spoken thoughts with another passionate kiss. He tasted minty from his tea, smelled of woodsy musk from his obvious earlier shower, his touch so soft as he grazed your body up and down.

You felt his knees between your legs as he loomed over you, pushing apart your thighs at the force. His right hand stroked your cheek as his tongue prodded past your willing lips, swollen from his attention. His left hand ventured south, resting upon the curve of your hip, digging his fingers to feel the supple flesh.

“You’re quite beautiful, y’know,” he mirrored your earlier ministrations, placing sloppy kisses down your jaw and neck. “One of the reasons I was so fascinated by you, I couldn’t understand how you weren’t married.”

“Maybe in another life,” you simply put, attention drawn to how sinful his lips felt against your flushed skin. He sucked on a particularly sensitive spot, and a whimper left your lips at the contact. You could feel your center slicken, cold air consuming all of your exposed skin. Levi’s hand dared closer and closer to your desire, and you made out the distinguished poke of his manhood against your lower stomach.

When his fingertips nudged against your folds, Levi let out a groan of pleasure, “You’re so wet, cadet. I’ve barely touched you.”

“Captain, I need this,” you begged, your hands wrapping around his neck to pull him flush against you. “Please, distract me, make me forget.”

Levi felt no need to answer your pleads, instead allowing his fingers to familiarize himself with your most intimate of parts. His eyes stayed trained on yours, taking in every expression you made, one catching his focus immediately as his pointer finger circled the top of your folds. It felt like a button, and you started moaning desperately as he continued his circling.

“Feels good?” your captain asked, insecurity in the back of his mind.

“Yes,” you took your right hand away from Levi’s neck, grabbing his wrist that was in between your legs, dipping his fingers to your dripping entrance. “Need you here.”

He plunged his pointer and middle fingers in, and your velveteen walls clenched around him. You had pleasured yourself many times just like this, but the heightened pleasure of someone else’s knuckles deep inside you was incredible. No one had ever touched you like this before, looked at you so lovingly and so lustfully. His fingers scissored inside you, and you knew your patience would soon snap.

When Levi’s fingers curled upwards, you thought you were going to pass out. Your eyes screwed shut as loud mewls left your lips, Levi’s free hand covering your mouth. Your hips bucked upwards in his touch, hips rolling fast as your clit caught the fat of his palm. You could feel the familiar bubble of your climax, threatening to spill over as you arched your back.

Levi pulled his fingers from your weeping cunt then, so agonizingly slowly, “No, cadet. Not yet.”

You whined, pressure settling down in your abdomen as Levi took his soaking hand to his hard cock. You couldn’t believe that you hadn’t paid attention to his girth before, he was gorgeous. All the hard work and all the violence had sculpted your captain as if he were a statue. His length stood at full attention, pressed against his belly, his balls hanging in the free space between his thick thighs. You moaned at the sight of Levi stroking himself, seeing the glisten of your arousal coat him. He let out a strangled groan, before letting himself go, falling unceremoniously to capture your lips once again.

“You ready?” Levi asked permission, his kiss so sweet and tender, and you realized then the weight of all of this. You were about to lose your virginities to each other, he would forever hold a mark on you.

You smiled, so full of adoration, there wasn’t anyone else you’d rather be with right now as you spoke, “Yes, sir.”

Levi gripped the base of his dick, bumping the engorged head against your sensitive clit and through your folds as he coated himself more in your essence. You both knew this was going to hurt you, and had either of you not been in such a hurry, you’d take the time to mutually pleasure each other until your bodies were truly ready for this intimate act. There were no coherent thoughts in this moment, only pure passion and animalistic desire.

His tip sunk in, and you felt like you were going to be split in half. Your hands shot up to his arms, nails leaving half crescents on his biceps, your ankles hooking together on his ass as you tensed up at the pain.

“Relax,” he kissed your jaw with a groan. “Gonna’ take care of you.”

You nodded, focusing on his words instead of the pain. Your pelvic floor relaxed, and Levi was able to push himself deeper into your cavern.

“There’s no blood?” Levi questioned you curiously as he glanced down to where your bodies met, not moving even a centimeter to allow you to adjust.

The pain was quickly fading as you mumbled, “Probably broke my hymen on a goddamn horse.”

You both let out a breathy laugh, and Levi’s right hand came to stroke your cheek, pushing back your hair out of your face, “I’ll have to kill that horse then.”

You were rattling your brain for a witty response to your captain when Levi shifted, stroking his length backwards as your walls fluttered around him. Your face was no longer scrunched in pain, your eyebrows unfurrowed and your mouth hung open, feeling nothing but pleasure as his left hand shot to your pulsing pussy, thumbing your clit with the lightest of touches.

“Captain,” you stuttered, eyes rolling to the back of your head. “Feels good.”

“Yeah,” he pushed his forehead to yours, his own eyes closing as he pushed his cock back into your depths, so slowly.

You placed a gentle kiss to his lips for a brief moment, neck craning off the pillow under your head. You felt a cramp as he kissed you back, so gently and so softly. You moved your mouth to his jaw, peppering kisses along any exposed skin you reach.

His right hand stayed positioned to your face, his grey colored orbs opened, focusing on your face. You looked up then, and felt your heart hammering in your chest. Levi was so handsome, his eyebrows furrowed, eyes softened without the weight of reality crashing down on him.

“I’m glad it’s you,” your arms were still wrapped around his neck as you rubbed soft circles along the ridge of his undercut. His hips held such a passionate, steady rhythm as he continued plunging into you.

Levi didn’t respond, his hand angling your face to his again. Although unspoken, you could see in his face that he appreciated your words, his thrusts faster in pace now. You couldn’t stop the moans from exiting your throat, volume increasing as his thumb worked you with more pressure. He swallowed your noises with his lips, not even kissing, the two of you just breathing into one another’s mouth.

Suddenly the distance wasn’t close enough, Levi’s hand left the curve of your cheek to wrap his arm around the middle of your back, forcing your body completely against his sweating one. His lips began to work against yours, sloppy and messy as you kissed the man back with the same fever.

Levi’s pace was solid, deep and without error. Your hips tried desperately to meet his thrusts, his wrist in between your centers blocking you from doing so. Your captain didn’t even so much as warn you to stop, his thumb rolling faster against your now swollen clit, that same heat in your stomach rebuilding rapidly. The two of you were so lost in each other, your arms leaving his neck to wrap around his shoulders and forcing his head down to your neck where he lapped and peppered kisses to conceal his own moans. You did the same, lips attached to the curve where his muscular shoulder met his neck.

His touch was unrelenting, but you felt the unmistakable shutter as he plunged right to your cervix, goosebumps rising on his skin under your fingertips. You let out a muffled moan, your nails clawing at his back, your legs somehow tighter around his backside.

Levi’s thumb rubbed harder, so much faster now than his thrusts. Your pussy was fluttering rapidly now, clenching and unclenching around his girth, you were so close. You had a feeling your captain was as well, his pace increasing even faster.

“I’m cumming,” you pulled away from his shoulder to warn Levi, sucking the sensitive area of his neck.

Levi moaned in pleasure, bucking his hips hard into you, and this was what sent you over the edge. Levi couldn’t move even if he wanted to as your cunt gripped him so tightly, contracting so hard around his length. You could hear a string of curses and ‘ah’s from his lips as your hips bucked wildly into his hand, rubbing your clit along his stilled thumb. You’d had plenty of self given orgasms before, but feeling completely filled as your walls fluttered around something was a pleasure you knew you’d be seeking again.

Your teeth were sunk into his neck, and Levi was finally able to continue his strokes as your orgasm slowed, your body limping. His thumb started once more, and you were whimpering at the overstimulation, your contractions not even done. He was pounding into you now, growling into your neck, you could feel the sharp clench of his jaw dig into your shoulder. It didn’t take you more than a minute to build up another orgasm, and as the new waves of pleasure slammed into you, Levi was pulling out.

You came around nothing as Levi rutted into your stomach, feeling the smear of hot cum rub against your middles. He was bucking desperately, moaning and whimpering. The sounds he made paired with the nonstop movement of his thumb only heightened your pleasure, your left hand coming to caress the back of his head.

He removed his touch from you, taking his dripping hand to your waist as his thrusts against your stomach slowed. It crawled under your back to meet his other arm, and he placed sensual, slow kisses to your neck. You did the same, thanking him non verbally. His head lifted, eyes half lidded as he placed his lips to yours, locking them in a saccharine embrace. He pulled away after a few moments, sliding off of your sticky body and out of the bed. Your arms fell to your sides, and he slipped his pants on, avoiding the area of his lower stomach where his cum was drying quickly. He rushed to his dresser, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping himself down quickly, returning back to your body to clean your middle as well.

“You’ll probably need to shower,” Levi broke the silence as he pulled the rag away, his empty hand roaming the curve of your side.

“Probably,” you mumbled in bliss, enjoying his light touch. “I’ll get up in just a minute.”

“You could stay,” Levi offered awkwardly, halting his movements.

“It’s okay, I think I want to be alone,” you smiled, your brain foggy. “Also don’t need rumors to start up if anyone sees me leaving your room in the morning.”

Levi only hummed as you pulled your naked body to a full stand, reaching for your discarded clothes. You pulled your long sleeve over your head first, the edges brushing against the tops of your thighs, stepping into your panties and shorts quickly. The silence was almost overwhelming, neither of you sure of what exactly to say.

“Captain Levi,” you finally spoke, ready to depart. “Thank you.”

He grabbed your wrist, pulling your body to his with no real force, kissing you passionately. You kissed him back hungrily, and had you been more experienced, you would’ve felt the flicker of sparks deep within your stomach, a signal of unconscious feelings sprouting within you.

You pulled away from him, a smile playing at your lips as he spoke raspily, “You know where to go if you don’t want to be alone.”

You threaded your fingers through his open palm, bringing his knuckles to your lips as you placed a soft peck to the back of his hand, “I will, Captain. Goodnight.”

The heat of the sun beat harshly on your back, your body in a full ache as you dodged a punch from Eren. You went to lift your leg into a kick, a yelp leaving your lips at the feeling that you were going to rip in half, and quickly shifted your hips to plan a new attack. Thankfully, your fake out worked, seeing Eren prepare himself for your leg, not for your first to go flying into his gut.

With a loud groan of pain, Eren laid flat on his back in the dirt. Your chests heaved, sweat dripping down your skin, and you extended your palm to the younger boy. You had won this spar, and Eren huffed as he smacked his hand away playfully.

“I had you last time! I can’t believe I lost again!” he complained, eyebrows furrowed as he screwed his eyes shut in a fit.

You laughed then, crossing your arms over your chest, “You got lucky, Jaeger.”

Around the two of you, all the cadets were still in their own sparring matches. Even in your weary state, you had been the first match finished, and you feel a swell of pride. You were getting stronger, more fit to survive the harsh reality of this world.

“Cadets,” Captain Levi made himself known then, stepping forward from the row of squad leaders, unbeknownst to you and Eren he had been watching with a trained eye the entire fight.

“Captain!” you saluted, Eren lazily following along silently.

Levi’s eyes lingered over you for a minute, before shifting his attention to Eren before scoffing, ��Pathetic, Jaeger. You need to work on your form.”

You tried desperately to hide a smirk, eyes lit up in amusement as Eren frowned deeply, sighing, trying not to lash out on your superior. Levi continued, “Cadet, good job.”

“Thank you, Captain,” you smiled brightly, now trying to conceal the oncoming heat of your blush flaming up your neck, licking the tips of your ears.

“However, never let your guard down after you think you’ve won.”

The sound of your skull cracking into the ground beneath you sent your vision in a dizzy frenzy. Levi hovered over you, and you could make out the lingering feeling of his boot hitting your stomach, causing you to lay flat on your back. The sun was high in the sky today, not a single cloud in view or whisk of wind felt.

“Ow,” you heaved, bringing yourself into a seated position, hunched over. “What was that for?”

“You can’t always predict what a titan’s next move is going to be,” Levi cooly explained, crouching down to meet your eye level. “This is how you fucked up, both times, with an abnormal. You have to pay attention. You can’t let yourself get caught up in a victory. Understood, brat?”

You nodded, feeling your ears grow hot as multiple sets of eyes watched on in curiosity, “Yes, sir.”

“I’ll see you in my office after dinner for your punishment,” his eyes twinkled, a hint of a smirk on the corner of his lips. “Cockiness is not befitting for a brat like you.”

You groaned, biting your tongue to hold back words you knew would come across as disrespectful. You didn’t see what you did to deserve a punishment, but you huffed as Levi strolled away, yelling at Eren about something. Probably about his smirk when he watched you fall on your ass.

Turns out your punishment was anything but, instead a much rougher fucking left your body nearly in shambles. This became a routine, instead of traveling outside to stare at the stars and lose yourself in your thoughts, Levi’s body became your comfort, your relief. He felt the same, pouring his loneliness into your willing body as he claimed you night after night, week after week.

He’d tell you sometimes in the afterglow of your orgasms that this was strengthening the squad, this was for the betterment of the scouts. Because what better way was there to build trust? You’d listen half heartedly, knowing this was all an excuse to rationalize why you continued seeking each other’s comfort.

Levi was soon fiercely protective of you, and you unconsciously him. This was reinforced after the 57th expedition failed horribly, the faces of your deceased squad members haunting your dreams every night. Levi would hold you as you sobbed through the nightmares. It hurt, so fucking much. Levi would whisper to you that you just had to keep moving forward. You would nod your head and listen. Your captain knew best, and you were finding it harder every passing day to pretend that he didn’t.

You didn’t try to make sense of your relationship, just letting it exist. Some days you’d push him away, others you’d pull the ravenette closer to your body. Caught between wanting to leave the man you’d realized you’d fallen in love with, or go into hiding away from the military with Levi and marry the son of a bitch. You liked to think he felt the same, his words few, but his acts spoke volumes of his feelings.

And when you laid limp on the battlefield, titan corpses steaming around you, your breaths shallow as your tired body began to prepare to shut down, you smiled. Everything all at once came flooding to you as you stared up at the sky, completely alone.

You blinked at the clouds, painted so pretty in pinks and oranges at the setting sun. You could hear your name being screamed somewhere in the distance, the voice vaguely familiar. You felt relief wash over you as the large open wound on your stomach gushed an unbelievable amount of blood. Full of shock, your adrenaline keeping your pain at bay, you thought humorously that you had no idea you had that much blood running through your body.

Raven hair and charcoal eyes entered your hazy vision, and you kept that smile on your face. Your fingers reached up, reaching Levi’s soaking cheek, not being able to tell if it was because of blood, or tears. You smoothed your thumb under his eye, and you were being lifted. You couldn’t hear his words, only the dullness of sound as the world continued to slow around you.

You stared at the clouds, completely at peace. You had conquered your biggest fear, growing close to another, just to lose them. Images of Levi flashes before your eyes, his stoic expression, his commanding leadership, his sensual caresses, his passionate kisses as he poured all of his feelings out for you. You loved him, you realized. You were so happy that you got to experience this in this lifetime.

The colors of the sky blurred together, and you could feel the wind whisk around you as Levi shot off on his odm gear. You were finally flying in the clouds.

LACHERI © 2021: all writing content belongs to LACHERI. I do not allow reposts or translations. this is my only account.

[brittanyslibrary]

Small Victories ➤ Levi Ackerman

Summary: The special training course you opted into was fast paced, exhausting, and downright brutal. Even so, you were determined to become a sorely needed field medic for the Survey Corps, knowing it would most likely lead to your demise.

You couldn’t lie, a part of you also just wanted to prove to Captain Levi that you were far more than just Titan bait…

You knew, going into this, you’d be on the front lines. Commander Erwin had informed you the day he went over your file that you would be stationed close to the Special Ops squad; where you were needed most.

You knew that, and yet, as you watched a soldier’s flailing legs disappear into the 10 meter’s mouth, heard his deafening screams piercing the humid air, smelled the irony scent of blood, you couldn’t help but feel like you’d been in over your head.

Perhaps Captain Levi had been right about you.

“All you medic types are the same,” he’d told you the first time he’d ever met you. “Self sacrificial, stubborn, and fucking stupid”

It was then that you decided you would prove him wrong.

You leaned over a fallen comrade, clinging to life despite the gaping chunk taken out of his thigh. He couldn’t have been older than seventeen, openly weeping for his mother as his body trembled.

I can’t leave him, I can’t leave him, I can’t leave him.

The rumbling of titan footsteps shook the ground beneath you, but you knew you’d lose your nerve if you turned to look at them ambling towards you. So, you opted to keep your face set as your hands worked on instinct.

His eyes were wide and pleading as he searched your immediate surroundings for any sign of the Special Ops Squad. You’d been separated from them when you saw the kid, amidst all the chaos, nearly lose his entire leg to a four meter titan.

You were grateful they’d taught you how to slay the ugly bastards, but you could hardly perform your medical duties while killing the titans that were heading straight for you.

And if you didn’t stop the bleeding soon….

“You’re alright, you’re gonna be fine,” your assurances left your lips like a mantra while you wound thick, cotton bandages over his thigh.

“They’re coming…they’re coming straight for us,” he wailed.

“Let them come, but I’ll be damned if you’re gonna give up when we’ve still got a fighting chance” you snapped, tying the bandage as tight as you could. “You’re gonna have to lean on me and use your other leg. I can’t carry you to the cart like this” you informed him.

By now, both of your clothes were soaked in his blood. As he hobbled to the abandoned cart, where your horse was waiting to pull it, you could practically feel the titans on top of you.

You could picture their smiling faces, eager to devour you.

The boy, who’s name you learned to be Asmund, scooted as far back onto the cart as he could with his busted leg. Hope bloomed in your chest as you tossed your supply bag beside him.

You were going to make it.

He was screaming again, but not for the sorry state of his leg. He was screaming your name, urging you to hurry because there was a titan directly behind you and if you didn’t get your ass onto the horse it was going to-

You felt its fingers wind themselves around your shoulders, upper arms and torso. It squeezed you in its palm, causing your eyes to bulge and silencing the scream that sat poised on your tongue.

You were done for, you knew that much. All that was left to do was close your eyes and think of him, the man who would, no doubt, blame himself for the loss of your life.

The first time you’d offered to help the Captain with his paperwork, he’d scoffed at the notion and told you to leave him alone.

You brought tea the next time, and he finally allowed you the allotted space in his office, giving you your own personal stack of papers to date and check.

“Your lack of sleep is going to catch up with you, Captain” you’d told him as you dipped your pen in the ink well. “You’re pushing your body too far when you only allow it a few hours’ rest. I’m surprised you’ve made it this long without fainting, truthfully”

You worried for him the way a spouse would worry after their partner, but you never wanted to admit that to yourself.

“Yeah? So what?” he paused his furious pen strokes to level you with a glare.

“You should take better care of yourself,” you murmured gently.

“You should mind your own damn business” was his curt reply.

You weren’t certain if it was the reflection of the candle flame or the shadows on his face playing tricks, but you could have sworn you saw a blush rise to his cheeks.

“Nice work!” Petra commended you with a slap on the back and a grin on her face. Out of Levi’s Squad, she was by far the most welcoming.

“Yeah, you almost beat my time. Too bad I’m far more skilled than anyone here” Oluo smirked from his seat against a tree trunk.

You’d done well for yourself in training, only having two years to complete your cadet training rather than the usual four granted to everyone else. You were much older than them, as well, and stuck out like a sore thumb. So, admiring your handy work in the form of slain titan dummies, you were rather proud.

“You used too much gas,” Levi drawled, coming up to kick at one of your near empty canisters.

His eyes were narrowed as he glared at you, waiting for a proper response.

“I’m sorry Captain, I..I guess I hadn’t realized how much I’d been using” you winced as his glare sharpened.

“You didn’t realize, huh,” he circled you like a predator, eyeing your taut form as he did so. “Perhaps you’ll realize it when you’re halfway down a disgusting titan’s gullet. Perhaps you’ll realize when you’re stranded in the middle of an open plain and crushed under one of their feet”

He stopped, suddenly, directly in front of you. He was so close you could make out the dark circles under his eyes and the lines at his brow.

“A stupid mistake, I can always count on that from you” he spoke your name as if it were an insult. All the while, his face showed no sign of anything but irritation.

You hated that you cared so much about what he thought of you.

“I’ll do better next time” you whispered, voice hoarse.

“Outside the walls, there won’t be a next time!” his volume had grown steadily, as he was all but shouting now. “You get careless and then you’re dead. You get yourself killed out there, and we lose you, and then that’s another fucking life…wasted”

The others had enough sense to ditch this situation when it first began, which had left you and Levi by yourselves between the trees.

He quickly turned away, crossing the grounds swiftly enough that you barely had time to analyze what the hell he’d just come out with.

The Captain cared about all his soldiers, you assured yourself to quell the pounding in your chest.

It probably meant nothing.

You heard your name again, this time from a completely different direction.

.. The titan’s jaws were just below you as you dangled from its grasp. You couldn’t move, you couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t even think of anything besides the smell of the gaping mouth you were about to be shoved into.

And Levi, your Captain, a man who was so gentle if you could just break through the tough outer shell he hid behind.

He was calling out to you, desperation you’d never heard from him before apparent in his shouts.

You caught a glimpse of him, swords drawn and determination set in his grey eyes. He was fast, but you knew he wouldn’t be fast enough.

You accepted this as the hot tears fell slowly down your cheeks.

.. “I enjoy your company, Captain Levi” you confessed to him from your seat at the other side of his desk. The paperwork lay abandoned in front of you, as you had far better things to look at than the ink on those pages.

Levi coughed and nearly dropped his pen at your sudden proclamation. His eyes had grown wider than usual, and he outright refused to look at you, acknowledge what you’d said.

“You don’t have to say anything, I understand” you spoke slowly, solemnly. “It’s just..you aren’t like anyone I’ve met before. You try so hard to shut people out with your harsh words and constant glaring, but you care far more than you let on. I think, I think you’re the first person in this damn regiment that actually gave a shit about me”

You noticed his knuckles had turned white with the force that he was gripping his pen.

The expedition was tomorrow; you might never get a chance to tell him this.

“Maybe in another life, maybe if we had more time, maybe….we could have loved each other” you pushed the seat out from under you, standing straight as a pin.

Once the words had left your lips to hang tensely in the air between you two, you were unable to gather enough nerve to look at him.

“I just wanted you to know that, in case something happens to me when we-“

“Nothing’s gonna happen to you” he rasped, head bowed over the page, pen still gripped in his hand.

“How can you be so sure?” you smiled sadly.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to you, because I….because I won’t let it”

The conviction laced in his words left no room for you to doubt him.

You’d done your duty, left with no regret about stopping to help that young cadet that had an entire life ahead of him.

But you did regret leaving behind the Captain, leaving him with your awkward confession and never, ever getting to find out what his lips tasted like.

As you fell into the titan’s mouth, you thought Levi probably tasted like the tea he drank.

Everything ached and burned when you came to. Your eyes blinked heavily at a dark ceiling, your lips parting slightly as the warmth from the sunlight streaming in soaked into your cold skin.

You must have been back home, back inside the walls. The thin, white sheets and itchy cot you were laying on was enough to know that. How could you have possibly made it back?

The titan ate you, didn’t it?

“I told you,” you jumped at the figure beside you, groaning as your body protested the sudden movement.

You turned your head slowly, shocked and incredibly relieved to see none other than the Captain himself sitting on a wooden chair beside your bed.

His body was hunched forward, arms folded over his knees and shoulders pulled forward. His eyes immediately softened when you smiled at him, and he let out a ragged breath.

“How?” was all you could manage to choke out. The familiar stirring in your chest had become an erratic rhythm of pounding and fluttering.

“I almost didn’t make it in time,” his gaze fell to his lap. “You were in its mouth by the time I made it to you. If I’d sliced its jaw open a moment later, you would have been down its throat” he squeezed his eyes shut, as if the memory was replaying before him.

You sucked in a breath, wondering just how far he’d gone to ensure your safety.

“You saved me….when anyone else would have thought it to be a lost cause. You didn’t give up on me..” you trailed off as your vision began to blur with unshed tears.

The silence that followed was deafening.

Just when you thought he’d take his leave, he spoke again.

“I don’t know what love feels like, but I know that I don’t want to fucking lose you”

All that brutal training, all those insults when you’d made careless mistakes, all those nights spent filling out paperwork at the same desk, they all finally had meaning.

How could you not have read the signs before? How could you have not noticed the subtle way he cared for you?

You reached a shaky hand forward, grasping his calloused one in a gentle caress.

“You don’t have to,” the promise in your eyes when he finally spared you a glance grounded him.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he stuttered, a fierce blush over his pale face. “I’ve never been good at this bullshit” he muttered.

“We can learn together..if you’d like to move forward with this” you bit at your lower lip, face hot and heart lodged in your throat.

Levi’s lips curved up into the tiniest smile you’d ever seen, but it was a smile nonetheless. A small victory.

“Fine, just…don’t tell Hange. They placed a bet with Erwin, and I don’t wanna give them the satisfaction of winning….”

** did tumblr always have this stupid word block limit bc that's whack. I tried to make this as gender neutral as possible without being vague, hope y'all enjoyed !! **

[ohworm-writes]

#00 - Tape Zero | series masterlist

⮞ Beta Reader - @jschllatt​ ! thank you so much for proofreading this for me !

⮞ Pairing - Monster!Technoblade x Monster-Hunter!Reader ⮞ Summary - Everyone here seemed to hate everything you were. The way you walked, the way you talked, the way you breathed. Maybe your new assignment could change their minds about you.  ⮞ Rating - Mature (SFW) ⮞ Warnings - cursing ⮞ Word Count - 2.6k ⮞ Taglist - Open! Send an Ask or DM to be added

@ohworm-writes​​ copyright 2021 | do not repost

In the abandoned casino you call home, everything smelt of lost hope. The pipes rusting, water leaking from their cracks and causing the surrounding mold to spread across the carpet beneath it. The graves of your allies were spread out across the perimeter of the building, their corpses either nowhere to be found or dug up and eaten by the beasts that had killed them. Whispers and mumbles echo from the people you could have come to call friends in another life, but their backs were turned towards you, shunning you from that sliver of a chance at a ‘normal’ life.

The sun peeked through the large windows of the building when you make your way downstairs towards the assembly hall. You yawn, mouth agape as you try to rub the remaining sleepiness out of your eyes. Waking up early was something you had to become accustomed to here, whether you liked it or not. Your hands found their way to your sides, clutching at the fabric of your shirt and pulling it close. You felt as though a single breath out of place would make these people hate you just the littlest bit more.

You knew you were the center of this minor dilemma you found yourself in. Outcasted, a funny thing, wasn’t it? To be rejected by the group you could call, what, a family? That was absurd, and yet, you long for it. They had a fair reason not to take kindly towards you. A stranger, someone nobody had ever heard of, not even a name on the side of a coffee cup, rose to the top of the hunters in their little group. You could barely hold your own before, so how come now you could kill monsters so efficiently with an arrow through the skull? 

The top. Here, it meant you were the best hunter. Other social statuses didn’t matter, apart from one person, but what mattered most is that you could hold your own and protect your allies. That and that alone amounted to your worth. You and one other person had been graced with being at the top of the chain. Punz. Oh, oh he didn’t like you. No, not one bit.

You rose to your current position as one of Las Nevadas’ best hunters in a little under a week. He knew you were a skilled hunter. Hell, they assigned him to keep tabs on you when the group’s so-called ‘leader’ gained interest. But so much as this? It was frustrating, bordering infuriating. He fought for his position, bloodshed with the scars to prove it. And you? You. You went in right under his nose. You fought hard, you knew that. You put in the effort to make it to where you were in a group of strangers. Punz didn’t see it that way. Nobody in the damn place did.

The other hunters saw you as a problem, a pest. Someone as bad as the monsters they dealt with on a daily. Every time you went out on a mission, it came directly from them. Time and time again they gave you missions with the most deadly monsters, ready to celebrate the day you never came back. Hoping that one evening these solo missions would turn into your downfall. Waiting for that oh-so-sweet pager message to tell them you were gone, never to be heard from again.

As far as they knew, that message was yet to come. 

With a jump off the last step, your feet collide with the carpeted flooring of the lobby. Or, as most here called it, the assembly hall. The room was filled, not completely, but as far as you knew, every member of the little ragtag group was here. You made your way to one of the adjacent walls, earning a few scowls and glares from your comrades. You brush it off; you have to, or else they’d feed off of your reaction like it was a starving man being graced with a meal. Your footsteps fall heavy as you walked, people around moving out of the way like you were the plague. That, or bumping into you, cursing at your clumsiness. It’s tiring, and yet you have to deal with it to survive.  

When you finally make your way across, you lean with your back against the wall with a small sigh of relief. You note how the wood caves slightly under your weight, almost asking you to add more pressure and break through. You push the thought aside, instead of letting your eyes scan the room, taking in everything and everyone you can see. Every single person there talked within a group. Whether it was only one other person or 10 strangers you had yet to know the names of, they all have someone to share their thoughts with. Where did that leave you? Your eyes cast towards the ceiling above you, a chandelier hanging down. The golden rods allowed for the pieces of glass to hang down, reflecting the sunlight that had peeked through. 

That chandelier was always something you look forward to seeing during these assembly meetings. It was your only constant. The sun shining through the windows, casting onto the glass and gold, painting little rainbows on the surrounding area. Maybe you admire it because you never saw one up in person before, maybe you like how it was high out of your reach. Maybe you would never know why you like it, but you still did. 

“People!” A familiar voice shouts from your far left, the voices of everyone around you diminishing into silence, looking with awe at the man who spoke. They all knew, of course, so did you. You turn your attention towards him, the man everyone calls their leader.

Quackity.

Who would have thought the shorty that ran the recruitment center would be the leader? You squint your eyes, trying to see him better from the distance you stood at. He wore the same thing every day, a white button-up, rolled to his elbows, black slacks, and suspenders. He didn’t look intimidating; he didn’t look important, and yet everyone here treated him like a god. It was annoying, but you’d have to continue dealing with it. You didn’t want to lose your tongue for speaking out of place, now did you?

Next to him stood Punz. That bastard was like a personal plaything for Quackity. When he’s bored? Call the man to entertain him. When he’s threatened? Order him to kill the offender. When he’s on his last breath? Take everything from him and leave him to rot. What could he do, argue? That was laughable. Quackity ruled over the casino. There was no question about it. He ruled over Las Nevadas. He. Ruled.

Both of their eyes met yours, Punz’s glare more intense towards you than usual, and Quackity’s smile widening, the scar through his lip making it more menacing. They were a full story above you, peering off of the balcony at you. As quick as their glances met yours, they left, turning to the others in the crowd. Punz stood a foot behind Quackity, the man in question leaning over the railing with his arms spread out wide. 

“My people! Another beautiful day in our home, wouldn’t you say?” His rhetorical question was met with cheers and joyful cries. You notice how it seems to only fuel his ego. How sad. His hands meet his head, readjusting his dark blue beanie, moving a piece of dark hair that had escaped underneath it. “I’m sure you’re bored with me saying the same thing every day.” He says, voice loud as it echoes through the open room. Nobody spoke. You knew he liked it like that. All the attention on him. 

He stands up straight, laughing lightheartedly whilst backing away from the railing and instead of walking along the side of it. “No, I’m sure you all have no problem with it.” A few scattered cheers voice their agreement, you notice how Quackity visibly stiffens. Poor bastards, you think, they wouldn’t make it tomorrow with that interruption. He clears his throat once more, the room quiet again. “We have a busy day today! We have leaks on the second floor that need fixing, a few easy pests that need to be taken care of in the garden, and our hunters have new assignments.” You perk up at the talk of assignments, your attention set on him more than before. “Hunters, you know the drill.”

You did. You push off of the wall, walking towards the front. A few people surrounding you decide to move out of your way now, all of them. The crowd parts like the Red Sea, letting you and the hunters around walk past without trouble. Two hunters on your left, three to your right, four behind. There were ten of your total, which wasn’t too bad, but it just added to the number of people that didn’t take a liking to you. You keep your pace quick, walking up to the fold-out table that sat below Quackity’s balcony. 

A woman and a man stand behind it, both dressed in yellow vests. The table has ten manilla folders on it, names written in marker to indicate whose is whose. The hunters around you rush forward, some pushing into you as they pass by. You sigh, bringing one of your hands to your neck to rub it. They did this every day. Quackity’s voice booms above you as he speaks. “Everyone else is welcome to breakfast now. Let’s make this day productive, people!” The crowd behind you cheers as you reach the empty table, taking the folder in your empty hand. Your eyes scan the folder, your name written neatly like the rest. 

The two across from you at the table stay quiet as they watch you, both glaring, but the man’s softer. You look up from it at them, sending them a nod as you make your way to your room. You hold it with two hands now, seeing how the folder is thicker than the others you had previously received. As you go to flip open the top, a hand finds itself on your shoulder.

“Ayyy, Y/n.” You groan internally as the hand pats you twice before retreating. You turn around to face Quackity, giving him a forced smile. “Quackity. A pleasure to see you.” He was always a pain to deal with in person. “8-Ball today? What happened to the prosthetic Mr. Andrews found last week?” His lips quirk up into a grin, the white circle of the 8-Ball in his right eye looking straight through you. It was… unnerving. He chuckled, bringing his hand up to motion for you to follow him as he turns around. 

You’re hot on his heels as you walk behind him, walking towards his office. “It was irritating, I’ll be honest. This one has some kinda... intimidating aura to it, don’t you think?” You hum at him, folder pressed to your chest as you walk. Your footsteps are out of sync with him, you notice. You subconsciously try to match them. “You know, talk more with the people here” He tries to tease, looking over his shoulder at you, watching you roll your eyes.

“You know more than anyone they don’t take kindly to me.” You comment, feeling his eyes on you as you look up at him. He sighs exasperatedly, looking ahead as he reaches a metal red door, his pace slowing. You stop behind him as he pulls out a chain with numerous keys on it, a loud clinking coming from it as he looks through them. There had to be over twenty keys on it, if that. He noticed your eyes on it, of course he did. “There are so many damn keys to this place, it’s nuts.” 

You hum again, watching as he unlocks the door and clips the chain to his belt once more. He pushes it open with both of his hands, walking in as it begins to shut on you. You hurry and push it open, looking around his office as you step in, closing it behind you. It was pretty minimal, with a few bookshelves, a desk, and a little lounge area in the back. “Nice office.” You comment, following him, bringing the hand holding the folder to your side. 

“Yeah, I’ll cut the shit now. That good for you?” That was different, but not surprising. “Yeah, sure.” He stops at his desk, turning and sitting on the ledge, his hands on his knees as he sits up straight. “Pass the folder here, let me show you what you’re dealing with.” You oblige with him, passing him the folder. You look at his hands, his fingers scarred and rough. Interesting. 

He flips it open and sets it onto the wooden desk, letting the contents spread across the length of the desk. Several sheets of paper were spread out, pages upon pages of info, the text smaller as to fit more words in the pages. What caught your eye the most, though, was the first sheet of paper. A photograph was clipped to the corner, a semi-blurry image of a pig-like creature. “The… Blade?”

“Bastard is what he is.” Quackity comments, stepping back to let you look down at the papers. He sits on the corner of the desk, hands now placed behind his as he looks over his shoulder at the papers. You take two steps forward, fingers drifting from one page to another. “There seems to be a lot about this one.” You remark, taking a random page in your hands as you read its contents under your breath.

“Upon further inspection, it seems the beast relates to that of a Piglin creature. While they are moderate-level monsters, this one seems to be an evolved breed of them. Its reflexes are quick, and it’s undoubtedly strong. Previous notes about the breed tell that they are very territorial and are naturally aggressive to those who aren’t their breed.”

You can feel Quackity tense beside you, so you call him out on it. “What’s on your mind?” He sighs, but you don’t look at him, eyes still trained on the papers. He’s quiet for a moment, and you almost don’t think he’s going to answer you. But he does. “That asshole was the one who gave me this scar.” 

Now that, that surprised you. Your brows raised, then furrowed as you came across a note over the top of one paper. “Says here nobody has survived facing him.” He almost growls at you, you hear the rumble in his throat, but he ends up sighing again. “I was lucky, wasn’t I.”

That’s for damn sure. If what these papers were saying was true, this was the most difficult monster that the group has faced to date. “So, it’s a suicide mission.” You say, swiping the papers back into the folder. They were trying to kill you. He laughs at that. Not his normal, unsettling chuckle, but a hearty laugh. “No no no, you got it all wrong. I think you are the only one that can kill him.” 

You stop everything. Your hands come to a halt. Your breathing stops. You stop. “What?” “I said.” He replies, pushing off the desk and leaning close to you, feeling his breath on the shell of your ear. “You are the only person here that can kill him.” Your eye twitches. “Why not Punz? Or, a group of the other hunters? Why am I the one that can kill him?” He smiled, this time it was soft, sincere. 

“Because you’re you.”

⮞ Previous Tape      ⮞⮞⮞      ⮞ Next Tape

⮞ Technoblade Route Taglist - @mega-trash-cringe​ @jaciahbabes​ @ura-writes​ @sunshinebutnorainbows @dominickle​ @valkyrieidunn

⮞ Author’s Note - With that, we begin. Buckle up for the ride of a lifetime folks, it’s going to be bumpy.

[jirouing]

★ ·.·˙··˙·.· MOONLIGHT SHOWERS !

➫ pairings ;; armin arlert x m!reader.

➫ wordcount ;; 1,299

➫ synopsis ;; while on a stake-out, armin sits down to join you for a night to sky watch.

➫ authors%note ;; fluff / my first aot fic ? fosho fosho

"Make the rounds again, be sure there are no other survey ships coming from the north."

A chorus of affirmations followed the commander's orders. The soldiers all split up and coddled into their own groups to keep watch, all except one Y/N. He remained in his spot on the lukewarm sand, the grains hugging his feet as he moved around to avoid the shivering pokes of the waves coming upon the shore.

In the midst of the splashes of water, he picked up the light sound of footsteps coming his way. Silently, he took up his boots and swapped sides to make room for the person, who plopped down so close to his side, the warmth from their body radiating. One glance out of the corner of his eye found Armin as his comrade. For a moment Y/N caught himself starting, his eye subtly watching the blond man gaze up at the sky. But subtle didn't last too long as Armin's eyes shot towards his, those ocean blue eyes were unbelievably bright and warming as they settled on him.

They crinkled just the slightest bit when his pink lips curved into a soft smile that was reserved special just for him.

Armin bumped shoulders with him, tipping the other over. He managed to scoot closer to Y/N and their thighs grazed each others. Even through the rough material of their pants, Y/N still felt that shock.

"The moon is really beautiful. It reflects so nicely onto the sea, don't you think?" 

A sigh left those lips and Armin wove his hands underneath his legs as he brought them to his chest. Y/N felt inclined to agree - he means, the night sky was something he's always adored. Getting to sky watch was hell inside the walls; they were always annoyingly tall and he could never see the stars in all of their glory. His folks never didn't want him out too late either so this was his only opportunity to fully appreciate it.

Y/N leaned back on his palms and huffed out a little laugh. "Yeah I could think of about a bazillion things I like about it." That sparked Armin's interest as he shifted to face him, a giddy smile ready. "Oh really? Name one off the top of your head."

"I love the way it's rays bathe you in it."

They were both fully facing each other now and Y/N has never felt so lucky that his heated face has gone unnoticed. Damn him and his mouth to hell.

Armin looked shell shocked at the answer but stuttered out a fit of chuckles. "You know that's one thing you love, I thought we were talking about things we liked."

"But it's true," the brother man sucked at his teeth. "You've always been a looker but the moonlight just makes it even better. It just...it just makes everything that I thought couldn't get better just pop!" Y/N spoke with his hands, Armin followed with sheepishness. He didn't know where this burst of confidence came from but it was too late to just backtrack.

"Come on, you're just saying that. I'm nothing special, not with everyone else here." The blond tried to play it off as a joke, a strained laugh and all, but his voice faded into a soft whisper and it frustrated the other to no end. Y/N shifted to his knees and stopped Armin's hands from rubbing at his neck. He molded their hands together, squishing the milky hands in between his own for a stark contrast.

"Armin...you're one of the smartest guys I know. But you gotta be the most ignorant one when it comes to love." Y/N was exasperated. The blond blinked at him with furrowed eyebrows, "I- excuse me?"

He took a breather, listening to the waves once again, they got close and almost washed away the mess they had made in the sand. "There's so many things about you that I can just never get enough of," shining blue eyes egged him on; just begging him to continue. "Your wise mind and determined soul from the moment you stepped into the corps. You inspired me from the beginning. Learning to be your comrade, your friend is something I've cherished--"

"--The only thing I would want more is to have your heart."

Hands twitched in between his before he was engulfed into a hug from the now tearful blond. "Y/N...that was the sweetest thing ever! ... I can't fathom why you keep it to yourself all these years." Not once did he move an inch and Y/N savored the feeling of his arms slithering around him, getting tighter and tighter. The man shrugged the best he could, slumping down into his embrace. "I don't know man. It just never felt like the right time to me. The whole titan-killing and now Marley, I was more afraid that I would end up never telling you."

Armin shakily exhaled and it fanned the crook of his neck. "Yeah. I get it. But even if it's the end of the world as we know it, I'd tell you that I love you in a heartbeat." Y/N closed his eyes and smiled to himself, he was so glad to hear it.

They both sat there in silence, over the waves were their comrades hushed voices as they continued on with the commander. Neither dared to pull away, only getting more comfortable in each other's arms.

"Hey, Y/N?" Armin was the first to speak again.

"Yeah Armin?" he opened his eyes.

A short pause and then came, "can I kiss you?"

The man could've sworn that his mind was playing tricks on him, but just to confirm everything, he breathed out a "s-sure." Armin then leaned back and caught his eyes, he couldn't stop smiling and it was all too contagious that Y/N felt the giddiness creeping up on him. A hand gripped his waist and a hand latched to the crook of his neck. As the blond was slowly leaning into him, Y/N thanked the moon for shining down on them in this moment.

It was like time stopped when lips met his, his heart pounding hard against his chest. The only thing he could focus on was how soft the blond's lips felt and how everything about him just invaded all his senses. If he still thought this was a dirty trick, he ought to be a fool.

Their lips moved sweetly against each other, and neither could get enough. Armin was shifting closer to Y/N, the raw emotion dripping onto the other, their limbs becoming entangled by the second while the night sky washed over them.

Suddenly they both felt pain in their heads, wincing and looking up to find a cheeky-eyed Connie with a thunderspear in his right hand.

"Times up, love birds. You both need to get back into position, captain's orders-" but his grin grew and he twirled the spear to tease. "Or do you guys need a little more 'alone time'?"

Y/N groaned and put his head in his hands while Armin jumped off the sand to tell Connie to quit it, which led into a little playful chase between the two along the shore.

How embarrassing, the lonesome man thought. But he still smiled as he watched a beet red Armin shout after Connie's cackling ass.

Maybe they'll get another time like this. Y/N looked up to the sky and hummed. Another wave crashed in and almost took his boots with it. He stood up and gathered them and made his way back, yelling at both of his friends to hightail it.

Next time, he thought, they just have to do this again.

[damn-stark]

I missed you

Reiner Braun x reader

Requested by anon “Are you asking for Reiner's request? I have one! How about a NSFW and hurt/comfort drabble about S4 Reiner x female reader where he’s depressed and thinks like he’s undeserving of any sort of kindness or affection but reader comforts him? Reader was Reiner's former partner in the scouts and one of his best friends before he reveals himself as a titan shifter. She no longer hates him. Reiner being a sub. If you don't want to do it NSFW, just do it fluff. Fluff is fine too! Add some angst. Thanks!”

A/N- sorry if this wasn’t the smut you, but since what they talk about is serious, I wanted to keep it serious

Warning- Angst, slight sexual intentions but nothing to grande, talk of death and low

———-

“Come on,” you whisper as you take Reiners hand and pull him with you deeper into the woods.

“I guess old habits don’t die. You still like sneaking around, huh?”

You smirk and look at him over your shoulder, “I do remember you would follow me...like now.” You return your eyes to your designated path ahead and you make sure not to get seen by the soldiers keeping watch from the trees above. “Plus it’s okay to—”

“Have a little fun.” Reiner finishes for you. “Yeah you would say that too,” he finishes with a soft chuckle.

You express a lighthearted scoff and quietly continue manuerving to the place you had intended taking him, making it to the last obstacle in your way and having to push away some branches, and going through some tall bushes to finally make it to the cliff that overlooked a big beautiful lake that reflected the moon in the sky.

You pull your hand from Reiners grip and walk to the edge, crouching down to pick up a small stone and throwing it as far as you could over the cliff. “I really do wish we were by the ocean,” you groan as you sit down on the edge and admire the view nonetheless. “The world is so big and we were blind and naive before, hidden from it all.” You slide your eyes to the side to see Reiner sit at your side, looking at you instead of looking out at the glimmering lake. “And let’s not talk about the food,” you muse with a happy smile on your lips. “It’s all so good, I could cry right now.” You fall back to rest your head on his shoulder. “You truly were hiding all of it.”

“I…” he begins to stammer, losing that happy spark in his eyes.

“Reiner, I was just teasing.” You chuckle while you pull away and turn slightly to be able to face him, moving your hand to cup his cheek and let your eyes wonder his face as your smile widened. “Don't worry about it.”

Even before, when you had seen him for the first time after four years, you instantly took notice that he had grown taller, that he had let his beard grow on his face, that he had lost weight and his cheeks were now slightly more hallowed in; you noticed that he was also more handsome. The only thing that was the same, was his pretty gold eyes.

“Reiner,” you finally mutter with a smirk, “you know, I really like your beard, I think it suits you very well.” You begin to gently caress his cheek and notice the smile slowly tugging on his lips.

“You think so?” He asks almost unsurely.

“Mhmm,” you lean closer and see him swallow thickly, see as his eyes like yours drift down to each other’s lips. You don’t hesitate to close the gap slowly, pressing a gentle kiss on his lips, and then moving to press a kiss on his cheek to then whisper by his ear. “You know, I missed you.” You move and swing your legs over either side of his lap and slide your hands over his biceps and slide them to his shoulders to then wrap them around his neck. “So much.”

Reiner carefully places his hands on your hips and he presses a kiss on your jaw.

“After all this time?” He queried, “even after all I did?”

You move to meet his gaze and you sigh out slowly, “I’ve had four years to be mad at you, I wanted to hate you, but I couldn’t. Reiner…” you pause and offer him a soft smile, seeing his eyes gleam and reflect the moonlight behind you and your face as you stay before him. “I love you, and I have since before you left.”

Reiner smiles and he lifts his hands to cup your cheeks, leaning in and pulling you in for a deep, yet short kiss that he began to slowly pull away from to then whisper his own comment by your lips, glancing repeatedly from your lips and to your eyes. “Im...in love with you too.”

A grin slowly spreads on your lips and you once again close the small gap left between you too to kiss him, sliding your hands to the back of his head to knot your fingers in his hair, feeling how soft it felt in between your fingers. Reiner proceeds to slowly skim his fingers down your body, creating chills all over your body yet not making you falter. Instead you proceeded to part his lips as you slide your tongue over his bottom lip, the sensation of your tongue over his lip making him shiver and causing him to express a soft moan in the back of his throat.

You smirk and pull away to start leaving warm and wet kisses on his jaw and down to his neck, you pause and let your lips brush over a part of his skin, pressing small kisses on that piece of skin and beginning to whisper what you had already told him, but what you couldn’t hold back. “I missed you. I missed talking to you and I missed kissing you.”

Reiner lets out a shaky breath and his fingers dig into your hips, he keeps quiet and let’s you continue kissing his skin, let’s you take the piece of his skin in between your teeth to gently suck on it and make him express another moan.

You slide your hands down to the button of his shirt to rip his shirt apart, pulling your head away and meeting his gaze to offer him a sweet mile, but before you could remove his shirt his hand cupped your cheeks and he tilted your head so your eyes met his once again. A smile decorates his features, but it slowly falls and made your breathing calm and your own smile falter.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do this.”

You pull away from his hold and your lips drop to form a frown. “What...what are you talking about?”

Reiner raises his hands and tries to again get a hold of your face so you’d listen, but they just hovered over your cheeks as he shook his head and began to explain himself in a shaky voice. “I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve you, or the kindness and love you give me.” He inhaled deeply and shakily exhaled, showing tears well in his eyes whilst he pulled back and got on his knees instead. “I don’t deserve to live after what I did, I-I’m a despicable human being.”

“Reiner,” you interject softly, dropping the anger that had begun to boil and replacing it with deep concern. “Reiner don’t say that—”

“But it’s true,” he raises his voice as more tears stream down his face and he falls on his hands and knees. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, not after the pain I caused you. Not after the pain I caused our comrades.” He cries out, digging his fingers into the ground while his body trembled. “I love you, but I can’t let you love me. I can’t do this, just kill me!”

You hesitate for a moment, remain speechless and with your head full of racing thoughts; tears sting your eyes and you can’t find what to do or say to him to comfort him. All you could piece together was the whisper of his name, “Reiner…”

Reiner sobbed to the ground and made your own tears roll down the curve of your cheeks, you didn’t agree with anything he said, it upset you deeply that he would say that about himself. Actually the way he expressed himself left you in disbelief.

What you start to do is crawl closer to him, placing a hand on the back of his head and tilting your head down to try and see his face and eyes. But failing to do so as he kept his head down.

“Reiner,” you whisper, “please look at me.”

Said man doesn’t listen and keeps himself down and cries more softly than before.

“Look at me.” You say in a more strict tone, slowly earning what you demanded and seeing his gold eyes look up at you. “Yes, what you may have done was bad, but I know why you did it, I know why you left, I knew why you did everything past that. It’s not because you’re a bad person, it’s because you were just doing what you thought was right, we were both raised differently, and after spending time undercover where you were raised I understand why you did it, I would’ve done it too. You don’t deserve to die, and you do deserve all the love in the world.” You cup his cheeks and offer him a gentle and assuring smile. “Don’t blame yourself, all that matters is that you’re doing what’s right now.”

Reiner gets on his knees and you proceed to wipe the tears off his cheeks to continue. “You’re a good man, I see the way you’re with your cousin and I notice the way she admires you. You go out of your way to help and protect people, you’re trying to save humanity and I admire that. You have to live to see the peace your efforts will cause.” You laugh softly and press your forehead against his, “you’re important Reiner. Not only to me, but to your cousin, that little boy that came with her, the rest of your family and to humanity.”

Reiner cups your hands and you notice that he calms down, his breathing is shaky and his eyes are still glossy, but he isn’t crying anymore. His lips are formed into a sad frown, but you notice relief in his eyes.

“I love you,” you whisper, “and I always have and I always will.”

A soft and small smile tugs on his lips and he gently squeezes your hands. “Thank you. I love you.” He whispers. “Thank you.”

You pull away and move to sit beside him, interlacing your hand with his and resting your head on his shoulder. “Why don’t we stay here for another little while before we go back, yeah?”

“Sounds good.” He assures you.

[kojinnie]

The Impossible Request | Levi Ackerman

Based on the request by a lovely anon here. As always, I apologize for putting a little bit of angst into what was supposed to be a full-on fluff :(

levi ackerman x reader; fluff/angst; 2032 words

Captain Levi Ackerman left you with an impossible request during your last ride to the forest with him.

Throughout the whole journey Levi kept looking at you, throwing worried glances frequently at the strange way you rode your horse through the forest. A moment ago, you were about to ride yourself and your horse to a certain death offered by a cliff by the side of the trail. If it wasn’t for your horse’s trained instinct, you’d be a tragic story of a silly death by now.

Admittedly, your focus was not on the trail of the forest hill, nor was it on the hurdles of vines and fallen branches splayed all over your pathway. Levi had to keep screaming at you to keep you from bringing your horse to an accident. Your focus was somewhere else, a distant place that a soldier must not dwell within too long. The unfamiliarity of this place caught you off-guard and as evident by the harrowing way you ride the horse, it has come to ensnare you.

As the thickness of the forest started to dissipate to an open field that overlooked the castle where Survey Corps was stationed at, Levi abruptly changed his direction and stopped your way. Your horse squealed in shock and reared up in effect, almost throwing you to the ground.

The Captain immediately jumped off the horse and darted a piercing stare at you, “Get off. Now.” The way he commanded you sent a shiver down your spine, that tone – his battlefield sternness returned, something far different than the somewhat casual Levi that you have grown to be close with during your off-duty season in the castle with him and the Corps.

It was a scarce occurrence to hear him used that tone far from the warfare. You knew he was enraged. You whimpered almost inaudibly, trying to calm your own racing heartbeat as well as to calm your horse down by patting her cheek, before climbing off of her. The Captain immediately yanked your arms and brought you to the side, under the aid of a huge willow tree whose leaves were yellowing with the arrival of Autumn.

The anger was palpable on his pale face, “Are you—” he was immediately dismayed by the surprising hike in his own tone, something that was almost unprecedented of him. The captain knew that he couldn’t let his rage overcome him. He sighed out of annoyance as he came to maintain his composure, “Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“I’m sorry, Captain.”

“You were riding like you’ve got a stick up your ass.”

“I know. Sorry—I—”

“If you want to die, then just tell me. Hange can use you up for experiments.”

“Captain, I—”

There was a momentary silence looming over the two of you. Levi waited for your response but he scoffed and walked away to the edge of the hill when another second passed with your inability to bring any form of coherence in your words. Your heart sunk in disappointment.

Levi squatted and looked afar to the castle. You could see his torso heaved; it was obvious that he was trying to pace his breath from the suppressed anger. You couldn’t bring yourself to admit of what made you so distraught. The idea that a mere emotional disappointment had led you, a trained soldier, to almost kill yourself for not being able to ride your horse right, is of something preposterous. You were ashamed and girded by guilt. As a soldier, you had let emotion distraught your aptitude.

“Tell me or don’t tell me – whatever,” Levi finally broke the silence without looking at you. Your only view of him was his heaving back, “I already knew.”

You knew of it already, but his reiteration shriveled the last hope you had that the Deployment Letter you received this morning was still bound to change, “You can’t do anything to change it?”

“No. I’m a soldier, and it’s my duty to obey,” Levi spoke. You wished you could feel even the tiniest bit of an upset in his words, but there was little to none, “you have been asked for the Garrison. Effective tomorrow. You shall no longer be here when Eren Jaeger arrives. Erwin’s decision, signed by Commander Pyxis.”

It had been three years since you were assigned to the elite Levi Squad by his own choice. Within those years as well, you had seen yourself grown seasoned by the battles alongside your entrusted Captain, as you fought the mouth of deaths countless times together. Naturally, parting apart alive would be hard for you.

People of the Walls knew him as the humanity’s strongest soldier, would they gape in knowing that humanity’s hope needed to stay humane in order to be their beacon of strength? And that was your duty for him – keeping him humane. Even if it was just to learn his meticulous way of brewing his own tea, so when he was injured and bed-ridden, he would still be aided with the warmth of his favorite drink. Even if it was just helping him tying his cravat when his hand was occupied with paper works. Even if it’s just a sleepless night with him at the library as he learned the offense strategy for the upcoming expedition. You’d done all that with no words spoken of how fond you were of him. Even when your smile arose when he finally let you massaged his strained back, or when your fingers touched the bare skin on his back when you were tending his battle scars, you were adamant to let the feelings simmer in painful silence.

In keeping him humane, you must set aside what you want of him. Your childish imagination and desire to settle with him. After all, Levi was a man unbounded, and in certain liberty shall he thrive for humanity. So, you never spoke how much your heart fluttered when he rode in full-speed to save you from the monstrous titan holding you in their grasp. The way he stayed awake, sitting by your bedside all night after a near-death incident that left you barely conscious for a week. You had sworn to bring this truth to death, but you were conscious when, out of desperation, he ran his calloused fingers through the mess of your hair, stroking your temple soft with the coarseness of his fingers as he whispered in prayer, “Please stay alive, please stay alive…” and then Levi spoke of your name, calling out to what was left of you after a bloody expedition. He called for you, not in the stern command the Captain would utter in the battlefield, but with tenderness of a man bound by grievance.

Had you grown a space in your heart to love me? Was the question that hung in your throat when you finally gained consciousness after the injury, where Petra shrieked in relief and happiness, calling out for the others, and then she said, “Welcome back. We miss you terribly. The Captain has been gaunt without you.”

The question throbbed again with simple little things he did. When he shoved more mashed potato to your empty plate, “Eat more,” he would say with more of a grunt rather than a warm suggestion; The tender pat on the back when you successfully cleared your final task; The palpable look of agitation when you returned from an impromptu hunting trip with Eld in the forest that led him wary of your whereabout for two nights – in all those moments, you wished you had the courage to ask him the question: Had you grown a space in your heart to love me? Or were you just being a good leader to your comrades?

The sun was beginning to set on the horizon. The wind breezed through the forest, blowing the yellowed leaves off of its branches, drenching the two of you in the solemn noise of Autumn. Couple of hours ago, Levi had taken you to ride to the forest to collect firewood for supplies, but even then you knew that wasn’t what you rode here for. Levi sat on the dirty ground and sighed, “Come here.” He looked at you, and softly pat the ground by his side.

Levi knew that he assumed a great deal of obligation. He wasn’t daft, he’d grown aware of the murmurs that people left on his path, ‘Look, it’s the humanity’s strongest soldier – Captain Levi Ackerman!’ then when he wasn’t so well-guarded, he’d catch the way those children look up to him with earnest amazement. Those wondrous eyes. The innocence of faultless children is the thing he had sworn to protect when he braced another expedition beyond the wall, at the expense of everything that made him humane – delicacy, tenderness, warmth, and love. But then Levi met you, and since then he began to wonder: ‘What if? What if? What if?’

Levi knew the feeling he had grown to have for you was starting to cloud his judgment when he almost broke the formation to save you from the mouth of a titan. He remembered the awful feeling of riding back to the camp, with your bloodied form on his lap, to be greeted by the discerning look of disappointment from his own comrades. Later that night, as much as the expedition was a success with minimum casualty, Erwin sat him down and bludgeoned him with the fact that negated every virtue Levi had ever stood for, “You compromised the whole formation with your rash action.”

Compromised. Rash action.

The words that had brought Levi to a prolonged regret. Who he was with you, was not the person Levi devoted his heart for. Levi knew he needed to stop. His allegiance was to humanity, to Commander Erwin Smith – and not to you.

As you sat down by his side, he finally looked at you, and smiled. So scarce of the captain, but when he did, you could feel it was genuine.

“I am going to ask you a question,” Levi said, his grey eyes darkened underneath the warm dusk, “and you don’t have to answer it right now.”

You nodded obediently.

“Do you think all this will end? To live in constant fear of death, and,” there was a momentary pause in his sentence. Uncharacteristic of him, as if he was trying to fight his own fright that was starting to nestle deep in his mind, “have ourselves carrying the last bits of humanity’s hope?”

You remained silent as he carried on, “If no, then understand that your re-assignment is a necessity. For the greater good. But if yes, that you believe that this monstrosity will all end eventually, then, I hope…”

“Yes, Captain?”

Levi looked down at the soil where your hands and his were laying side by side. There was a somber smile beginning to rise from his face. He dragged his finger to tangle with yours rather cautiously. You greeted the awkward gesture with open heart, as you slithered your fingers into his grip.

“I hope, you will have the heart to welcome me home…”

“…to you.”

The words drowned you into a deafening silence, no matter that the Autumn breeze was starting to grow stronger as the sun succumbed into the night, no matter that your heart was thumping in all kinds of inexplicable agony – all you could hear was the void of nothingness, in which no matter how close you were to him, you could feel Levi drifting away from you.

Deep down, you knew that none of this walking nightmare they called life was ever going to end. You knew that each one of you was cursed to live the life in wretched reality. You always thought that he had known of it all along, out of so many people, you thought Levi would be the one to never look forward to a future of peace, for peace was an absurd concept as long as humanity was still trapped within the Walls.

And it broke your heart to gain understanding that Levi still had hopes for it. For the unattainable peace. With you.

He had believed in a future that you thought was impossible, and with it you realized that so would be your future with him.

As the sun finally slid to its resting peace, you brought your body closer to his embrace. He brought your face closer to him, he smiled before landing a kiss on your forehead. The genuine kind, of innocence that was so strange in the world of horrors. The kind of warmth he had longed for so many nights with the thought of you. And finally, you smiled at his words, “Yes, I will.” nodding at the impossible request.

[bakugohoex]

congrats on 1k!! may i request angst #10 with levi ackerman? <3

“goodbye my love”

pairing: levi ackerman x gender neutral reader

cw: angst, blood, kissing, death, flashbacks in italics 

word count: 1700+

a/n: i feel sad now and i have to write some nsfw next whoops hehe, but hope you guys like this and enjoy the angst i guess

playlist: please check out these songs from @marchsbakery dying in levi’s arms, here’s the spotify link as well, i had no idea she was making it but it coincided with me posting this so of course i had to add the playlist. 

summary: in which in your final moments, you relive all your memories with levi until saying your last words to your love

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The sound of your screams and the tears that flooded from your eyes was the last thing Levi saw when a titan had collided right into you. It had been quick, carefully thought out even, the way the horse was flung to the side and you almost looked ethereal in the sky. But it wasn’t some scene in a play where you would look magnificent, your blood curdling scream was what made everybody turn to look at you.

Turn and see a superior flung to the side, with blood seeping through your clothes. Your stomach churning at the impact, ready to be eaten. Levi saw it all, quickly slashing the neck of a titan before running to the titan, it gripped your body as your legs kicked and your mouth screamed. Tears mixed with blood dampened your skin, this was it for you. This was what everything had come down to, the titans mouth opened wide, you could almost see the other humans in its stomach. You closed your eyes ready for the tear of your legs, but it never came.

Instead the crushing of your bones, the excruciating pain you went through as the titan may have been slashed by Levi, may have begun toppling to the ground. But in its last-ditch attempt to kill you, it squeezed your body, bones crushing and moving out of place, blood trickling down your mouth. If it couldn’t have you neither could Levi.

“Y/n, you…” Levi was about to ask about your condition, but the way you were sprayed onto the palm of the titan, blood coughing from your mouth, bruises forming and pain searing through you. He knew something was wrong, you both were so close to having killed the titans, there had only been a couple left. You could survive this, get the treatment you needed, but as he ran up to you, grabbing your body he could almost feel your pain.

“L…Levi.” You coughed out more blood, he hated seeing you like this, in his arms vulnerable, he was vulnerable. What could he do, other than hold his love.

He shifted your body from the titans palm, you both in a safe area away from the others. “You’re going to be fine.” There wasn’t a question about it, you’d survive, you’d be fit and ready to go on the next expedition, he didn’t care.

“I’m d…dying.” You could barely form words, but if this was your last moments you were glad it was with your love rather than inside a Titans gullet.

Levi watched as tears fell down your numb body, he took a deep breath, he knew it was hard for him to express emotions. Express himself to you, but he looked up in the sky, suppressing any forming tears that could come out, he wanted to be strong for you. “No, yo…you won’t.”

“Tell me our story.” You were going in and out of your own mind, you didn’t want to fight over your death, you wanted to hear your story. The story of Y/n and Levi and how they were supposed to rule the world, fight titans and finally gain the peace that they deserved.

He saw how you shut your eyes just wanting to hear any story, there was no time to help you. He had to give you your last wish, explain your story if it was the last thing he did. “Okay.” He held you in his arms, kissing your forehead with warmth. “We met a couple months after you joined the scouts, you were so confident, remember…

“Is this the famous Captain Levi, I’ve heard so much about.” Levi eyes you up and down at how easily you made yourself at home with him, he raised an eyebrow as he folded his arm.

You stared at the man a smirk as you tilted your head waiting for a reply, “if you’re going to act like you don’t know who I am, then I have no business with you.” He was ready to walk away but you grabbed his arm, making him stop in his tracks. “What brat?”

“So rude, you’re the one who asked for me to join your squad.” Levi was the one to be confused as he looked at you with a puzzled look, “you asked for the girl who got first in the scouts, that’s me.”

“You?” He looked at you with no emotion.

“Don’t need to be so mean, I’m really am quite good.” You spoke highly of yourself, Levi hated those who had no actual experience to back them up.

He tapped his food in thought before replying, “we’ll see, get ready, you’ll be right next to me.”

“Gosh not even an apology.” He glared as you shrugged leaving him to tut in disgust, he’d have to sort that attitude out for sure. You had thought that joining a squad so easily and especially Levi’s squad would be an honour. But after his words it felt more like a low blow at how he didn’t recognise your talent, he looked down at you and you already had a will to prove him wrong.

“…God, you really hated me back then didn’t you.” Levi looked down at your nimble self, blood spewing down your mouth. You nodded trying to put out a laugh but could barely even lift your eyelids back up.

“Te…Tell me more.” Your words were short and breathless, he saw tears continue to trickle down, he didn’t know how long you had left, he witnessed more titans collide to the ground. Even if he had brought you back to the scouts, they couldn’t do anything until all the titans were defeated. You’d be another corpse on the long list, he’d give you these minutes, these moments to die without having a line in your name.

“You pestered me afterwards, on the expedition you showed off all those tricks and killed so many titans, but I never told, but I admired it my love, admired the way you did everything for humanity you didn’t fear death, I fell in love with you because you weren’t selfish like the others…

Levi had asked for you to come by his office after coming back from town, it had been a couple months since the expedition, and you had grown fond of the boy. He may have given you snide remarks, but the small upwards twitch of his mouth proved that he didn’t hate you as much as he let on. You knocked on the wooden door as you heard a come in, easily slipping between the cracks.

You couldn’t lie and say you hadn’t become infatuated with the man either, the way he killed titans and swung through the air always felt like your own private show. Even now here, with his watchful eyes at your movement towards his desk, he gave no emotion, but his eyes spoke differently, inviting you in almost. “What can I do for you, Captain?”

“Sit down.” He was stern with his words which you easily followed as you crossed your legs staring at him. “You’ve been working with Mike a lot lately.”

It wasn’t something you had expected, and you almost laughed at his accusations, “what about it?”

“I prefer my squad to work together rather than separately.” His sentence was filled with mystery as if he wanted to say more.

You felt confident in what you believed him to be saying, it had been Hanje who planted the idea that Levi preferred you more than he did other humans. But preferred was a stretch of the word that you had thought of, could he possibly like you, the way you liked him. “Captain, this isn’t about working together is it, are you jealous?”

“No.” He was blunt about it but refused to meet your gaze, you stood up moving closer to his seat, you leaned against his desk, eyes on his form as he looked at the papers in front. Rather than the side where your watchful eyes were.

“You don’t need to lie to me Levi, but if you really don’t, I was just about to go spend some time with Mik…” Levi grabbed your wrists stopping your words, he finally looked up at you. He moved his chair to be in front of you, his body between your legs, before grabbing your jaw.

“You leave this room and I’ll make you regret it.” Your chest felt heavy as you leant down to meet his mouth, his mouth feeling warm against your own as you both moved in sync with one another.

“…I fell in for you from that moment Y/n.” He looked back down at you, your body feeling heavy on his thighs.

You looked up at him, finally being able to open your eyes as you looked at him wanting to speak and tell him how much you loved him. “I…I…” You began coughing again, worry radiating off of Levi, “you told me…on our first date that we’d be toge…together forever.”

“We will.” Levi lied to make himself feel better, to make himself believe that this was all a dream. He had lost too many people, his mother, his friends and comrades he couldn’t, he couldn’t lose his one love. The one person he had sworn to protect, to save from this disgusting world.

“For…forever wasn’t long enough...” You whispered feeling empty inside, tears soared out as you looked through the dampness right up at Levi. He looked down and for the first time you witnessed the tears, how he tried to hide them with an emotionless face. But they were there.

He brought his head down to meet your own, forehead resting against your own, “we’ll get our happiness next time…I promise my love.”

You felt his tears fall onto your own skin, feeling your body begin to shut down, your eyes feeling heavy as Levi bent down to your lips to give you one last kiss. To give himself one last kiss, you were always going to be it for him, nobody would ever replace you.

And as he finally parted from your damp lips he heard the last words, he had never wanted to hear, never wanted to imagine coming from your lips. Your arm falling to the grass, body heavy and eyes shut as you whispered the words that brought about the end, “goodbye my love.”

Tears pricked down Levi’s face; he hadn’t expected it from himself. He thought he could stay emotionless but as he held your corpse in his arms, bringing you closer to his body, he remembered every second he had spent with you, loving you and how he was never going to get that ever again.

i’d really appreciate if you guys could leave a like, reblog or comment, thanks x

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[sup-hoes-its-me]

Skinny Love II (Kakashi x Reader)

A/N: second part to skinny love. This is all angst. Very sad. I just watched the pain arc again and had to write something about Kakashi and what happens. Im guessing this could be tagged for spoilers but Naruto is old soooo. 

Word count: 5000

“I’m just saying, maybe the second novel is better than the first. You’re free to have your own opinion, that’s just what I think.”

“Well, you’re wrong.”

“Whatever you say,” Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes at the masked man sitting in front of her. She was sipping on a hot bowl of broth after coming home from her most recent mission. It was a nice day out, and she thought it would be a good idea to go out and get something to eat with her favorite shinobi. He was dangerously possessive over his romance novels, and felt immense embarrassment when Y/N decided to pick them up as well. 

For a week after finishing the series, she mocked him for liking the gushy, mushy romance that lied on the pages, not to mention the more inappropriate chapters that left nothing to the imagination. Master Jiraiya wasn’t kidding when he said he was doing “research” at the bath house.

“We should go out more often,” he commented, “It’s nice to relax with all this Akatsuki business going on.”

“Definitely. We used to go out like this all the time before you started training those kids,” she hummed. It was true. They had normal outings at that point in time, as the only thing they did was go on missions and then chill at home until the next outing. After Naruto and Sasuke revealed their unique personalities, and got themselves into some sticky situations, the times changed and they spent much more time apart than before. “Not to mention going out with you gives me an excuse to eat whatever I want.”

He nodded in reply, his eyes trailing down to his novel once again which he was skimming over. She didn’t mind him reading at the table. What was he supposed to do? Eat? There was no way he would take off the mask. He was content just giving her company. 

His reading gave Y/N an excuse to admire him. Her eyes would lift from the table every time he looked down at the pages, and she would take in all his features. She swore, he was one of the most handsome men she’d ever met, even with the mask. Without a mask, he probably resembled a god. It was nice to just watch as he relaxed into his novel, enjoying himself without any cares in the world. 

She liked to talk to him even more. He always knew the right thing to say to make her feel important and wanted, even on her worst of days, he was there to make it better. He was brave and strong, but kind and gentle when need be. His soft words in the late nights they hung out, or his concern when she injured herself, or the happiness the times she made him laugh. Each moment meant so much more to her than he realized. 

It was evident to everyone that she had an attachment to him. What kind exactly was the complicated part. While they had been friends for quite a long time, she felt like he was more than just a normal friend or even a best friend. He felt more like a partner than anything, whether it be partner-in-crime or partner-in-love. She loved him with every bone in her body, more than she loved her comrades or her friends, she cared for him like she would a lover.

Maybe it was because she was so shy that she couldn’t tell him how she felt after all this time. Maybe it was fear of rejection. Maybe it was fear of death. She wasn’t sure what held her back from confessing her love to him, spilling all those words she kept under lock and key. She wanted there to be something more, but he’d never let on that he cared for her that way, and surely he would have said something if he did feel that way. It just seemed impossible.

But not to the ordinary person. 

People had mentioned in passing to Kakashi that he acted like a lovesick teenager when he was around the woman. She was just so perfect, how could he do anything but adore her. To him, she was one of the only people that truly mattered as more than a fellow shinobi or comrade.

There was no reason to rush it though. If she truly wanted a relationship with him, she would tell him eventually. He wasn’t one to go around throwing out love confessions first. He would wait until she was comfortable and ready. Until then, he would admire her from a distance, through friendly touches and smiles, and dreamy looks when the other wasn’t watching. To him, that was enough. 

This lunch outing was the perfect time to waste some hours with her just talking and reading in the others company. The day almost felt too good to be true. 

And it was.

First there was the explosion, followed by the screams. Oh, those screams would haunt Y/N’s dreams. Villagers who she’d known growing up screaming in pain. Quickly, she jumped to her feet as did the copy nin.  Their eyes frantically looked through the doorway of the restaurant, but there wasn’t anything on their particular street, just dust from the explosion floating down in thick clouds. 

“Someone’s attacked the village. Shit,” he cursed under her breath. 

They would have to go out there and fight, they both knew that very well. Fight who, they didn’t know, but Y/N could sense that the same foreign chakra signature was coming at her from multiple directions in the village. That couldn’t be good. It was probably that Akatsuki member that everyone was talking about. Pain. Pain with the rinnegan. How could the leaf compete against something as strong as that dojutsu?

“Everybody out! You know the evacuation route,” Y/N called out to the civilians in the restaurant, as she swallowed her panic. She made a move to usher the people from the store so they could run in the direction of refuge.

This wasn’t a normal battle. These intruders were a completely different breed than the ones they were used to fighting. She could feel the impending doom start to blanket around her body, and she took a deep breath. How could this happen? Was Pain here to take Naruto? Naruto wasn’t even in the village, how could that be? Was it the Akatsuki making a big statement attacking one of the five great villages?

There was just something off. She could feel it. Today was going to be one of the worst days, worse than anything else they’d experienced.

“Y/N, let’s go.”

“Kakashi…” she trailed off, not taking a step forward just yet. Was there something she needed to get off her chest before they rushed into a battle with an outcome unknown? As she met his frantic, panicked eyes with her own, she wondered if she should just confess her feelings right then and there, just so he could know before they put their lives on the line. 

Never in her life did she think that her or Kakashi might die. It was never a thought that crossed her mind. She assumed she had all the time in the world to gather the courage to tell him. Now it felt like she had run out of time, and they might never get the chance to see each other again. The chakra signatures around them were just too strong to guarantee they would live against their blows. It felt like this was her final chance. 

She started again, “Kakashi, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?” he asked, wanting to hurry this along. She could see plainly that this wasn’t the right time. He wasn’t in the right mind to hear her words, or comprehend the meaning behind them. Instead, she lowered her head and sighed. 

And so she kept that secret tightly bound deep in her heart. 

“Nevermind, it’s not important. Just be safe out there. Make it back to me in one piece, okay?”

“You know I can’t promise that,” he replied, and her heart sank in her chest. He was right. If he died, he died. If she died, she died. Nothing could stop fate from doing its dirty work.

“Just promise me. Give me some confidence before we jump into this mess. I-I can’t do this without you promising me you’ll live!” She cried, passion and fear dripping off her words. She had her eyes shut tightly at this point, just trying to keep herself from letting the potential tears gather in her eyes. Her fists clenched by her side as well. “Just say something!”

He nodded, thinking of the right words to say. “I promise I’ll make it back to you, Y/N. Now promise you’ll live. For me,” he demanded, lifting her head to face him. His fingers were strong against her cheek, firm when faced with danger. He wanted her to live, but knowing that Pain killed Jiraiya was enough to make him worry and plan for the worst. 

Why was he even asking? He knew that words meant nothing. That most promises were just bound to be empty. 

Just this one time, he prayed that she’d keep it.

“I promise.”

“Now let’s go. I’ll take this side, and you go that way. Sounds like explosions came from both directions.”

“Got it.”

There was no room for goodbyes.

After that, they went their separate ways. Y/N had to keep herself from losing control. Everything was going to be okay. She was worrying far too much. Kakashi was strong. Stronger than anyone else she knew really. He couldn’t be taken down by some terrorists. It wasn’t an option.

As long as she could sense his chakra lingering in the distance, she would know. 

__________

It was painful, the wound that tore through her thigh. Blood dripped thickly from the cut, but she continued to fight. In this situation, there was nothing else to do, nothing more to fight for than the safety of the village and the people within it. Y/N has never seen a villain this bad, someone so dead set on killing and tormenting that it brought the shinobi of the village to their knees. Yet, here he was, this orange haired creature who popped up at multiple points of their city, each with a different signature move yet a similar chakra pattern.

Y/N knew she couldn’t break down just yet, not after seeing comrade after comrade fall to the ground and lose their lives to the cause. She had to keep going for them. For her friends and her family who died. She was never the most talented at fighting, she was more of a sensory type, stay on the inside and study type of kunoichi. But not today. No one had that luxury today.

Constantly, she could feel the loss of the ninja alongside her, their chakra signatures melting into nothing as blasts continued to ravage their village. The fire within their bodies burned for the last time, disappearing into the ashes.

It wasn’t until she was on her knees, face buried in the dirt and rubble did she really feel the pain this man was so desperate to bestow upon the villagers. Kakashi’s chakra had burned out. It was as if her body gave up after that. She couldn’t move, her bones were broken and she couldn’t afford to stand and fall back down once again, believe it that she tried over and over again. Nothing mattered at this point. How could it? She couldn’t feel her best friend’s chakra signature any longer. He was dead.

Her crying into the dirt was the only thing that signalled another shinobi to come and help her to the infirmary. Someone she barely knew had picked her up by the arm and hoisted it over his shoulder, dragging her by his side to the hospital where the medical nin were no doubt working harder than ever. Her whole body felt like it was caked in bloody crimson mud, dust up her nose and muk between her teeth. 

Everything just made her cry harder and harder until she felt she was gasping to breathe. 

The harsh lights in the building did nothing but sting her eyes, and the dozens of medical nin rushing around those lying on the floor overwhelmed her. 

Sakura stood at the front of all the mess, and her eyes immediately caught onto Y/N and her rescuer. “Y/N-sensei, what happened to you?” she cried, rushing over with her frantic hands hovering over the state of the broken woman as she scanned for the wounds. This only caused more sobbing.

“One second she was fine, the next she was lying in the dirt screaming. I don’t know,” the man said, handing her off to the pink haired girl. “She’s got broken legs, I know that.”

“Thank you for bringing her,” she mumbled as she brought her sensei over to an empty cot, sitting her down on the cloth and beginning the healing process on the worst part of her leg where the bone was exposed. She was shaking so badly it was almost hard to concentrate on her work. She’d never seen Y/N so hopeless and lost. She was strong, she never faltered in the face of danger. It worried Sakura, no doubt.

“Sensei, what happened?”

“It’s Kakashi,” the woman croaked between her harsh breaths. “I-I can’t feel his chakra anymore.” Tears ran down her cheeks furiously, dripping from her chin into her lap. She felt the hopelessness overtake her entire person, the only thing left being complete and utter fear. Her chest heaved, desperate for the next gulp of air into her lungs. 

Sakura nearly faltered at the words. Kakashi sensei, dead? How could that be? He was one of the strongest shinobi they knew. He would never fall victim to a villain, would he? From the sounds of Y/N’s heartbroken cries, the medical nin knew that it was over. That another life had been stolen from them. 

Kakashi was Y/N’s heart and soul. She loved him for years and planned to love him for many more. Everyone knew that. Kakashi and her may have never acknowledged their feelings before his death, but the skinny love lingered in the air every time they were around each other. 

The longing looks when they passed each other in the street. The pain they felt when the other was hurt. The smiles they shared when something good happened in their no-good shinobi lives. They were more than willing to lay their lives on the line for the other, more than just a comrade, more than a friend. 

Her passion for Kakashi was the only good thing she had to come home to after missions. His face was the one thing she wanted to see after a bad day. His stupid face as he read his perverted novels, that grin that she positively adored.

All of that was gone, and her heart couldn’t take it. The pain from her injuries sat in the back of her mind, the only thing she could focus on was the loss. Knowing she would never see him again, never hear his voice. If only she could hear him laugh one more time. It was impossible, but she wished to the heavens above for mercy.

Sadly, no one was there to listen. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” Sakura whispered, not knowing what else to say. What could she say? 

“I need him. I can’t do this without him,” she sobbed, her hands shaking by her side, having to clench her fists just to stop the tremors. “Sakura, it’s been 15 years. I...I don’t know a life without him.”

Her heart broke at the words. It was true. She didn’t know life anymore without Kakashi. They’d been friends and comrades for so long that it seemed like that was all she knew. How can you come back from that? Sakura didn’t know. She might be able to heal the woman’s legs, but there was no way she could begin to heal such a broken heart. 

“It’s okay. You have plenty of others. You have Gai and Kurenai and-”

“Fuck everyone else. You know they can’t replace him,” she snapped. “No one can replace him.”

Sakura could only nod solemnly. They could lie all day and pretend that Gai would somehow swoop in and make up for that gaping hole in her heart. They could lie and say that Kurenai and her child would fill Y/N with a happiness she felt with Kakashi. Yes, they could certainly lie about it all. 

At the end of the day though, her pain would be unrivalled. Losing the one man you’ve loved from the moon and back. It would take an entire army and then some to combat such a struggle. 

When Sakura was done healing the woman, she handed her a roll of bandages from her pocket. “I’ve got to tend to others. Wrap this around your calf and then stay here to rest. Please, just rest yourself, sensei. You’ll heal faster that way.” Y/N took the bandages and nodded her head weakly, shaky hands going to wrap her bare and burned calf with the medical bandages.

Her mind still centered around Kakashi. She found herself curling up into a ball on the little bench she was sat at, hugging her knees close to her chest. She just cried. Right now, she couldn’t do anything else. 

Just cry.

________

The village was in complete and utter ruin. Y/N lay painfully utop a mountain of rubble, blood oozing from the back of her head and from her already injured leg. Pain’s final attack, one that completely demolished the village...it spared her life.

How could things get any fucking worse? 

She felt like the Gods were being especially cruel to her on this day. Especially cruel to every single person in the village, but they kept Y/N alive for their own personal amusement, laughing at her loss and her pain and her  frustration. 

Despite Lady Tsunade sending out Katsuyu to protect the villagers, Y/N only seemed to be in worse shape than before. She could feel the slug on her shoulder slowly healing her, but it wasn’t much compared to the pain and the numerous injuries.

Y/N rolled onto her side and groaned, pain shooting up her spine and giving her a brain-shattering headache. When she went to cough on something thick and slimy in her throat, what splattered on the ground was red. Maybe she was just meant to die slow and painfully. 

It was better this way, she decided. Nothing could make this day worth it. Nothing. The pain was unbearable.

“Y/N? Is that you?” a feminine voice called from a little while away, and the woman cursed, spitting up more blood as she did so. Sakura climbed through some of the rubble to approach her. Her hands hovered over the woman’s broken body, scanning over all her wounds. 

Naruto was down there fighting Pain. Everything was going to be okay as long as they had faith in the Uzumaki. Sakura could focus a bit of her energy on healing her sensei. There was nothing else to do except watch the fight below them, in the center of the wasteland that used to be the Hidden Leaf.

She began the healing process, medical chakra flowing into the woman’s chest wounds, the most critical of all. “Sakura…”

“What is it, Y/N?”

“What’s happening? Is everyone dead?”

“No, everyone is alive. Lady Tsunade sent out Katsuyu to protect everyone. It seems that you were injured before your healing slug could get to you. Thankfully, you have both of us to fix you up,” she muttered. Y/N would have been blind to not notice the way Sakura stared past her deeper into the wreckage as she spoke. 

“What do you see?” she asked quietly, as loud as her body could muster.

“It’s Naruto. He’s out there fighting Pain alone,” she said, “He-he’s gotten so much stronger.”

The older woman smiled through her pain, shutting her eyes and letting a soft sigh leave her lips. She hadn’t anticipated Naruto to come saving the day, in fact, it seemed more likely that Pain would kill everyone and leave the village in ruin. Fortunately, Kakashi’s student, the one that people had underestimated for so long, was out there doing what the rest of them couldn’t. 

A hero. No matter if he won or not, these are the actions of a hero.

“It’s his destiny: to save this village,” she whispered. “Jiraiya once said so.”

“Let’s hope he was right.”

Together they lay there in the middle of ruin while Naruto battled Pain. They watched as the two men launched themselves away from the village into the woods, the nine tailed fox coming to life far away from where they huddled together. The village was safe from direct harm at this point and the two women let down their guard just a little bit. Down in the middle of the pit some of the students started to gather, including a heavily injured Hinata.

“Help me down there, Sakura. I need to see Gai,” she said, louder than before. After all that time healing, she found herself strong enough to prop up on her elbows and gaze into the destruction. 

Once down there, Sakura was quick to start healing Hinata, fearing that the girl had taken too much damage to handle. After all, she charged against Pain, the supposedly leader of this terrorist attack. All of that to help out young Naruto. Y/N felt like she was staring at an image of herself for a moment. A young woman ready to sacrifice it all for the sake of the man she loved. 

As her eyes moved around the area, she caught onto the bright green outfit of her long time friend. His eyes caught hers for a moment and quickly, he rushed over to her side. She collapsed onto her knees, wincing at the pain that ran through her body as she did so. She found herself still a bit too weak to stand. 

“Y/N, you’re alive,” he gasped. He knelt on the ground beside her and placed a firm hand on her shoulder, steadying her shaky form. “Your injuries-”

“Forget about that, Gai,” she mumbled. “Something terrible has happened.” He couldn’t imagine what she had to say could be any worse than the destruction of the entire village. But he nodded and sat there listening as she spoke her words carefully, painfully with each syllable that left her lips. “Kakashi is dead.”

He felt his heart drop in his chest. As he looked at the woman before him, he knew that she wanted nothing more to cry, yet there were no tears. He assumed that she had already cried her fill earlier and could only mourn at this point. He didn’t ask before wrapping her smaller form up in his arms and tugging her to his chest, burying his nose in her hair. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face into his shoulder, dry sobs causing her entire form to quiver.

In a moment like this one, he just remained still for her. Sit there and be there through this pain. He felt crushed at the thought of his best friend dead, his eternal rival somewhere out there in all that rubble fatally injured. Gai had lost a brother that day, and Y/N had lost her one and only lover.

He listened as she hopelessly bawled in the comfort of his arms, feeling every bit of her pain sink into his form. They had gone through battles together before, they grew up teammates and friends, how could they not. They had seen death and pain all their lives. This was on another level, incomprehensible to either of them. 

Pure misery. Every emotion seemed to burn in her chest. She wanted to curl up and die herself.

________

It felt like hours went by before the lives were returned. She hadn’t thought much of it when the elderly Toad woke up from his eternal slumber. For a moment, she thought it was just a fluke. That he had never really died in the first place, they just thought he did. But then, she watched as people above the trench started to stand from their resting places on the ground and in the rubble. 

That is when she realized that somehow, someway, the lives lost during this terrible battle had been reclaimed. It was only a matter of time before she found out if Kakashi had come back to life as well. She sat there, focusing all her energy into sensing nearby chakra, sorting through hundreds of people for the one she wanted. 

Gai had left to help out some of the others, so she just sat there waiting. Waiting for Kakashi to come back to her. Just like he promised.

After all this chaos, she couldn’t imagine keeping her love a secret from him any longer. He needed to know. She wouldn’t let this opportunity go wasted. Y/N was given a second chance at finding love in her friend, and she would be damned if she let that go to waste. 

After a while, she began to feel his chakra. At first it was very faint, like he was a mile away hidden underneath rocks and everything else you could imagine. But then it got stronger. 

He was alive.

When she saw his form climb down into the pit with the rest of them, his mask torn and only the bottom layer of his clothes still intact, she nearly cried once again. For hours before this, she was prepared to never see him alive again, never see that masked face look down upon hers once more. She had mourned the loss of Kakashi Hatake, only for him to be returned. 

It was as if the God’s had listened to her prayers.

“Kakashi!” she exclaimed as she struggled to get herself up from the ground. She knelt on one knee, pushing herself up with the other, desperate to walk over to him. Her body failed her of course, and she fell back onto her butt. He noticed her though, her tiny figure in the crowd of hundreds. She was the one person he wanted to find all along. 

He fell onto his knees beside her, his hands coming up to grasp her cheeks with his dusty, calloused hands. She relaxed into his rough fingers, sinking into the warmth that he was sharing. His thumbs slid along her lips and chin, trying to rub away the dirt that was caked in some places. She was a mess, messier than he was. He could only imagine the suffering that she went through as well, to have survived all of that without death as a retreat in the middle.

“Y/N, what happened to you?”

“Pain’s final blow caused some pretty bad wounds, but it’s fine. Sakura healed me enough that I’ll make it through,” she told him. Softly, she lifted her hands to place them over top his, her fingers slowly wrapping around his. “Kakashi, you broke your promise to me.”

“I know.”

She found that the words came out faster than she anticipated. Emotions and feelings being laid out in the open for him to see/ “I-I completely lost myself when I couldn’t feel your chakra anymore. I thought I’d lost you. I couldn’t stop crying, and I was angry at you for breaking your promise to me,” she rambled, “I didn’t know what I was gonna do without you.”

“It’s alright. I’m here now. Whatever Naruto has done saved my life,” he soothed, letting their hands fall into her lap. She wouldn’t let go of his hands even if he wanted them to himself. She was afraid. Afraid that if she let him go once more that he would be gone forever. “And I’m sorry I lied to you. I really shouldn’t have died like that. So irresponsible of me.”

There he was cracking a fucking joke about his own death. She wanted to smack him for being so dimwitted in a moment of vulnerability. Just the thought of being with him again made tears spring up in her eyes, and she shut her eyes to keep them from falling. Happy tears or not, she wasn’t going to cry again.

 “I need to tell you what I was too afraid to say before. What I wanted to say before we went our separate ways,” she confessed, her breaths coming out harsh and rushed. Once again, she gripped his hands tighter in hers. 

After taking a couple breaths, she lifted her eyes to meet his, mouth just agape. He really was all she could ever need. This moment wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t ideal, but it was just right for what she needed to say. “I’ve always loved you, Kakashi.”

“Y/N-”

“Listen, I know it’s not exactly an appropriate time to be confessing my love to you and all, but I couldn’t risk another day going by without telling you.”

“I love you, too.”

And silence. 

There wasn’t anything else to say. The love was mutual, it had been all this time. They just took their time getting around to admitting it, to just hear those words leave the other’s lips for the first time. There were no butterflies in her stomach nor did her heart race in her chest at his confession. 

She could only feel comfort in the umbrella they’d created for themselves, the outside world lost to the both of them. 

In a flash, she lurched forward to wrap her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face deep into his neck. “Don’t die ever again, Hatake, or I’ll kick your ass,” she laughed, the sound of her laugh reaching his ear. He held her to his chest and sighed. 

“No promises.”

Despite what happened that day, he felt comfortable. For the first time, in a very long time, he felt relief wash over him. Everything was going to be okay.

“Kakashi!”

Requests Are Open!

[wesimpforxiao]

Say My Name and I’ll Be There:  5.2

Author’s Note:  I saw this on pinterest and thought it applied to Xiao XD  P.S.  Do you readers like that the story is in 2nd POV, or should I change it to 3rd person?  My thinking is this POV allows me to get away without mentioning appearances or a chosen name so ya’ll could be put in OC’s shoes?

..............................

Is it just me, or is he looking my way?  You caught Childe in the act while you and your team retreated into the opposite tree line after Aether had taken the dragon tooth.  Something didn't feel right.  The trees seemed to close in on you like tunnel vision.  Was he planning on attacking you with the skirmishers at his side? Was he going to show his true colors now?  Is it time to face death?

He dismissed the soldiers and retreated from the direction you had all spotted the skirmishers in the first place.  He made a point to cast a meaningful glance your way.

I can't let it happen now, you looked to each of your teammates as you all ran through the snowy woods.  If he brought all of those Fatui agents on board with taking you out, the entire group would be overwhelmed.  The sheer cold puts us at a disadvantage.  Bennett could get hurt.  Xiao can't fight with his full strength.  When was the last time Aether and Childe sparred?  I can't rely on those results to protect me either.  

No one was paying attention; you could slip away and try to strike a deal with the Harbinger.  Bargain for Xiao's freedom and safety. You were hypersensitive to the weight of your coat on your shoulders, and the crunching of snow beneath your boots.  He can't hurt us now...not now!

You peeled away from the group and they continued to run towards a cave several hundred yards from their current position.  No one had heard you.  When you finally reached the first firepit, you found Childe waiting next to it.

"Oh there you are, ojou-chan!  Did you get the tooth? Where are the others?  They didn't run into trouble, did they?"  He greeted you with his signature friendly stature.

"Drop the act, Childe." You came to a halt maybe ten feet from him, with your back to the firepit.  It warmed your body significantly and you could finally feel your fingers and toes again.  He was on the far end of the open area.

"Whatever do you mean, ojou-chan?"  The mask didn't crack.

"We're alone now.  Is that what you wanted?"

Childe stared at you for a moment before breaking out into a loud fit of laughter.  "Oh ojou-chan, you know me so well〰"  He took a couple steps toward you.  "You should know I've been meaning to talk to you."

"That's close enough."  He stopped.  "I know what you're after."

"Oh?"  A dangerous glint sparked in his eyes, one that you've never seen before.  "Enlighten me then."

"I don't want Xiao dragged into whatever mess you brought upon us.  Whatever your plan entails, it ends with me."

"A noble sacrifice for a man that will not love you," he smirked.  "Why do you try to protect him when he can clearly fight for himself?"

"He's been through enough already," your hands closed into fists as you recalled his horrific past.  "I'll go with you, but only if you give me your word you won't take him too."

"Ha!  I feel no need to fight you, ojou-chan."  The sincerity in his voice attracted your gaze back to him.  "I don't wish to hurt you."

"Huh..?"  That's out of character.  Is this some sort of trap?

"I...have other goals in mind.  They require your cooperation, of course.  And your cutting of ties with the adeptus."

"Cutting ties?  Why would I do that?"  Your brows furrowed.

"My loyalty lies with the Tsaritsa, but I have a special interest with this mission after meeting you, ojou-chan," he made his way closer, and you stood in total confusion.  "I will personally see to it that you will not get harmed at all in Snezhnaya.  It all depends on your answer."

"You...I don't get what you mean.  What answer?  What exactly are you asking of me?"  Whatever it was, you sure as hell weren't going to agree with it.  But as soon as the questions left your lips, you knew.

He does like you.

Childe took note of the realization--and the fear--on your face and continued. "Surrender is a valid option, I promise I'll be gentle.  This is a simple route that avoids all the fighting and pain.  All you need to do is allow me to love you, and I won't harm your friends.  You have my word."

"L-love me?"  The words left a terrible taste in your mouth.  "I...I could never!  I could never love you, either!  You killed my Granny...you stole her house from her frail hands.  You...You!" Your sword made a metallic sound as it was unsheathed.

Childe inhaled and manifested his bow.  He nocked an arrow onto his finger and drew the string to his cheek.  "A most expected answer, ojou-chan.  Thank you for strengthening my resolve.  This will be much more enjoyable now."  Whatever turmoil that shone in his eyes was long gone  and replaced with pure malice.  "Let's make this a fair fight."  The arrow shot into the fire and extinguished it.

"Tch." You ran toward him as fast as you could in the snow, and crossed sword with lance.

"Not bad," your opponent grinned with satisfaction.  "Where'd you learn this technique from?"  You somehow managed to keep up with his unrelenting blows thanks to the muscle memory that belonged to Xiao.  "I don't recall the adeptus ever training you."

"Ngh!"  He landed a kick to your stomach and you fell into the snow.  Childe let you get back up, completely high on the thrill of fighting you and more than intent on dragging it out so he could watch your fighting spirit diminish.  I may be keeping up with him, but I can't land a solid blow like this.  You slowly removed your two remaining jackets and tossed them into the snow next to the extinguished firepit.  If I can somehow finish the fight quickly...You knew it was a hopeless battle.  A fight between a non-vision wielder and a harbinger that wields both vision and delusion? Complete and utter self-annihilation will ensue.

"I admire your tenacity, comrade," he watched the jackets fall.  "But now that I have my answer, there's no reason to wait any longer."  He shoved his lance towards you when your guard was down.

"I won't let you hurt him!"   You swung your blade to parry, and a sudden blast of material sent the two of you flying backwards into the snow.  Your vision was suddenly looking into the tree canopy.  "Ugh, wha--?"  You sat up to find ice shards scattered across the snow.  Something cool and metallic sat in your free hand.  You opened your palm to reveal what you least expected.

A vision.

You stared at your hand with bewilderment while Childe rose to his feet with a mixture of shock, admiration, and annoyance.  "I see.  An unexpected development," he remarked with cold eyes.  "It's a shame you won't have the chance to wield it properly against me.  He drew his bow and aimed for your chest.  Another block of ice manifested before the arrow could pierce you.

You placed the artifact into your jean pocket, and you rose to your feet with a newfound confidence.  Maybe you could beat him here and now.  Images of Xiao's fights involuntarily crossed your mind, and a lance of ice materialized in your hand.  You held it so that the tip pointed directly at Childe.

Another clashing of blades, this time converting Childe's into an ice sculpture.  But not before you had managed to freeze his leg into the snow for a hot second.  You ducked at his swings, parried his attacks, and followed through with a sequence of your own--or rather Xiao's--attacks.  It looked like you were gaining the upper hand until Childe caught your blade in his gloved palm.

"Thank you for the entertainment, ojou-chan," he growled.  "But this is where it ends for you."  Did you really think he hadn't studied your newfound techniques during your previous fighting session?  So naïve of you, ojou-chan.  You can't use the same tricks twice.

You retracted your weapon and lay waste another blow.  He easily parried it.  You engaged in a combo before swiping your feet at his legs; he leapt away before you could knock him down.  You were frustrated now, your movements becoming sloppier with each passing movement.

There's the real you, he mused.  His frozen blade dug into your dominant shoulder with such force that he had you pinned to a tree.  He felt nothing but sadistic pleasure course through his veins at the sight of you squirming in pain.

"Gah!" A shriek escaped your lips and your lance dropped from your hand.  You tried to claw the spear out of your body as he stalked ever closer to you.

"I don't even need Foul Legacy to kill you. You could never defeat me, not even in your wildest dreams," Childe stalked towards you as he twirled a new hydro polearm behind his body, stopping once its blade pressed against your neck.  He could kill you in an instant, and he would if he wasn't required to bring you alive.

You were seething with anger and hatred. It was stupid of you to go after him on your own, to seek a peaceful resolution to this conflict when you knew all along that there wouldn't be one. It didn't matter now. Your anger subsided, shoulders releasing themselves from the tension in your muscles once you thought of an idea. Even the pain in your dominant shoulder seemed to subside a bit.  Your sudden change in demeanor made Childe's grip loosen for a moment as he questioned the newfound peace emanating from you.

Your eyes closed and your lips curled into a smile. Adeptus Xiao, you called to him in your heart.Please hear me and answer my prayer for protection.

A sudden gust of wind blew against your back, and Childe faltered. He looked to you for an explanation, and you met his gaze through his mask. "I know, but he can."

Xiao burst into Childe at an incredible speed, knocking him square into another tree. The trunk splintered in half from the force.  He conjured his polearm and held its blade at Childe's throat. "Why the sudden politeness in your prayers?" He called out over his shoulder without taking his eye off the Harbinger.  I'm cursed with hearing her rambling whenever I'm gone, and only now she speaks politely to an illuminated adeptus?  Despite that thought, he actually loved hearing your voice reach his ears.

"I-I don't know.." WAIT, he COULD hear me all this time?!  Blush further tinted your pink cheeks that were red from the sheer cold.

"Tsk," Childe spit blood onto the snow and glared at the yaksha.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't decapitate you here."

Childe wasn't going to give him a reason and debated on conjuring his polearm instead.  Here he was, about to die at the hands of the damned yaksha, and all because he had decided to give you a chance to 'escape' a portion of the hardship that awaited you.  Signora would lose what respect she had for him if she ever found out.  Oh well.

"Ngh," you writhed against the tree.  Your feet were just inches from solid ground, making this injury all the more painful as you hung from the lance.  You couldn't move your dominant arm anymore.  Xiao let go of Childe's collar and moved to your aid.  He slipped your other arm over his shoulder so he could relieve the pressure off of your injury, then yanked the spear out without warning.  Your shout of pain scared the nearby foxes away.

Xiao gave the Harbinger one last glare before he lifted you in his arms and took off at an incredible speed.  It was only a matter of seconds before the two of you caught up with the rest of the group, who were waiting just inside a small cave that held mysterious lab equipment.

"Be careful,"  the yaksha set you on your feet but refused to remove your arm from around him.

"There you are!  W-where'd Childe go?"  Bennett paled when he saw your injury.  "Here, let me see that."  Aether, Paimon, and Xiao exchanged knowing looks while Bennett examined your shoulder.  "You should sit down.  This isn't anything I can't fix!"

"What happened? Did Childe...?" Aether trailed off once he returned with a bowl of water from a boiling pot.  

"Mn," you winced when Bennett peeled your shirt off of your bloody skin.  "I thought he was conspiring with those agents when we were making a run for it, so I followed him."

"A foolish decision," Xiao grumbled.  He took the water from Aether and held it to your lips.

"Were you at least able to find anything else out about his plans? Or Signora?"  Paimon spoke up.  "It's not worth getting hurt over if you just throw yourself in harm's way like that."

"I thought he was going to..." your eyes flicked to Xiao's for a split second before they fell to the ground.  '--Hurt you,' you wanted to say.  But the yaksha would not hear of it if you said something so foolishly naïve.  You were just a measly human after all, with little knowledge of fighting and a large heart that wanted to protect those around her.  A big heart could only go so far; it proved useless in your battle today.  Or did it?  You nearly jumped up when you remembered, "I have something! I got something from this!"  Your loud yelp scared the daylights out of Bennett, and he nearly yanked the stitch out that he had just put into your skin.  You dug into your pocket and pulled out the artifact.

"Is that--?!"  Paimon and Aether sprung to their feet simultaneously.

"A vision?"  Xiao's eyes widened slightly.  And a cryo one, at that.

"So cool!" Paimon spun around with excitement.  "You're officially one of us now! Er, not that you weren't to begin with--"

"Congrats,"  Aether nodded and flashed you a toothy grin.  

"Yeah, congrats!"  Bennett also flashed you a bright smile and observed the trinket in your palm.  "Wow, we're like, polar opposites!"

"Heh, yeah," you nodded with a faint smile.  Your eyes found Xiao's, which were locked onto your vision.  "Xiao?"

"You received a blessing from the very god that's hunting you.  Do you not find that odd?"  His lack of enthusiasm made your chest ache in disappointment.  

Was he not proud of such an accomplishment?

"Yeah now that you mention it," Paimon held her chin and thought.  "It is really weird.  Why would she make her target more powerful? Wouldn't that just make it more difficult for her to capture you?"

"Did Childe say anything about it?"  Aether prompted.

"No," you shook your head slightly and pursed your lips.  "He seemed as surprised as I was."

To be blessed with the cryo vision, one must commit an act that revolves around love, Xiao's brows furrowed.  Had she done something on the behalf of her grandmother, or is this all in the Cryo Archon's plan?  It never crossed his mind that you had gotten it on his behalf.

[cosmicjoke]

I want to talk a little bit about Levi’s relationship with Erwin, and why Levi, for most of the story of Attack on Titan, was dedicated to and so trusting of Erwin’s judgment.

I see a lot of people say it’s because Erwin gave Levi a “purpose” in life.  That it’s because before he met Erwin, Levi had no direction, no goal, etc...  That might be part of it.  But I think, more than giving Levi a purpose, I think what Erwin gave Levi was hope.  

Levi’s big, character defining moment, the one that influences and impacts all of Levi’s choices throughout the story, and indeed, influences his very life philosophy, comes with the deaths of Furlan and Isabel.  I don’t think the importance of these two characters in Levi’s life gets nearly enough attention.  They’re often written off because they’re “side characters”, not actually invented by Isayama himself, and so their import to Levi is often overlooked.  But if we’re being honest, and not viewing Levi’s relationships through the lens of shipping goggles, I think, out of everyone, it’s Furlan and Isabel who were probably closer to Levi than any other character in the series.  I don’t say that to offend anyone, so please don’t take it that way.  But both Furlan and Isabel come from the same world as Levi.  They, presumably, both grew up in the Underground, the same as Levi, both experienced poverty, deprivation, and the same struggle to survive from day to day that Levi did.  That, alone, would give them a connection to Levi that no other character in SnK has.  No one else that we know of in the Survey Corps came from the Underground, no one else in the Survey Corps experienced that particular kind of disenfranchisement or alienation from proper society, or truly experienced what it meant to be treated as second class citizens, the way those who came from the Underground did.  The people of the Underground are there largely because, for whatever reasons, they’ve been deemed pariah’s of society, unwanted, unneeded, driven there, in the case of Levi’s mother, by persecution, others likely for having fallen in bad with the law, somehow, or because their own, impoverished circumstances left them with no place else to go.  Likely a large portion of the Underground population was born there, born into poverty and deprivation and labeled, through no fault or action of their own, as the “dregs” of society.  I think it’s even stated at some point in the manga that the people of the Underground don’t have legal citizenship up on the surface.  Meaning they’re literally treated as illegal aliens, and if they’re caught up above on the surface, they’ll be deported back down.  In this sort of environment, in which the population has been cast off from regular society and deemed unfit and undesired, cut off from the typical benefits and privileges one garners from being a part of a working and ordered society, like regular food, regular work, safe and reliable shelters, an education, health care, opportunity for advancement, all the sorts of rights one enjoys from having citizenship of any society, circumstances of desperation come into play, a constant, frantic struggle to acquire the basic necessities of living day to day, of simply surviving from one day to the next.  This of course breeds an environment of crime.  Engaging in illegal activities just to manage day to day life.  This is all stuff that Levi was born into, this kind of deprived life where he could rely on no one and nothing to help him get by.  No sorts of state implemented programs, no sort of educational system to help him learn a trade, no sort of regular job opportunities or income, no access to health care, no legal or human rights, no legal path to gaining citizenry up top, no  safety net of any kind to help him, essentially.  This is what it truly means to struggle to survive.  When there isn’t any time to think of banal or frivolous pleasures, when one can’t afford to indulge in fantasies or dreams, or hope.  All Levi would have known, for the first 25 years of his life, was the desperate struggle to not die, to make it to the next day.  Truly the definition of existing, not living.

Furlan and Isabel, we can surmise, shared this same experience with him, underwent and experienced similar struggles and desperation and deprivation.  That shared experience, then, must have bonded them in a way impossible for Levi to find with anyone else, no matter how close he grew to his comrades in the SC.  None of them could ever have understood the experience of growing up totally deprived, as Levi did, the way Furlan and Isabel could have.  And I think, because of that, to Levi, Furlan and Isabel were the closest thing to family he probably ever had.  They found each other in the most desperate of circumstances, and bonded through the shared struggle of their existence.  They found comfort and love and friendship in one another in an otherwise brutally harsh, unforgiving, cruel, uncaring, isolated and forgotten world.  A world literally shunned by the light of the sun, and by the acceptance of society above.

Well, how this all relates back to Erwin and Levi’s relationship with him, comes down to what Erwin says to Levi after Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths.  Levi is drowning and blinded, in the moments following their deaths, by pure grief and rage.  He can’t understand what’s just happened.  He’s lost the only two friends he’s ever had in the whole world.  The two people who he found in the darkest, most difficult and most desperate time of his life, the two people who shared in and understood that hardship better than anyone else ever could.  He’s just watched the both of them being eaten alive by Titans, torn apart and killed in one of the most horrific and terrifying ways a person can die, and found himself unable to save them, helpless to stop this horrible thing from happening to the only two people in his life he could, up to that point, regard as family.  He was alone.  Utterly alone, then.  Likely transported back to the days before he met them, after Kenny had abandoned him on the streets, left completely on his own to survive in, again, one of the harshest, most unforgiving environments imaginable.  Levi’s life, before he met Furlan and Isabel, must have been one of suffocating loneliness and isolation.  A life filled with no real human connection, no real warmth, or love or friendship.  He found those things when he found them.  And then he had to sit there and watch as those things were torn violently away from him once more.  The pain must have been incomprehensible, the fear and disbelief and grief so deep, he couldn’t think past it.  He sees Erwin in that moment, then, and it all comes crashing down on him, all of that rage, pain and despair, and the only means for him to keep it from destroying him then and there, to keep it from consuming him, is to direct it at the man he sees a responsible for their deaths.  So he attacks Erwin, fully intent on killing him.  And then, Erwin tells him not to let Furlan and Isabel have died in vain.  He tells Levi not to regret his choice to come with them to the surface, not to regret having chosen to come out on expedition with the SC, not to regret choosing to leave them behind with the rest of their squad and go out on his own after Erwin, not to let them die without MEANING.  This entire exchange forms what comes to be the crux of Levi’s life philosophy later on.  Erwin tells Levi that he can’t let Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths be meaningless, he can’t let them have died for no reason.  He tells Levi that humanity needs his strength, and that if he lends that strength to their cause, then Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths will gain purpose, that, in spite of it’s horrific tragedy, their sacrifices will matter, because they will have brought Levi to the cause of humanity’s salvation.  

Essentially, Erwin plants in Levi the idea that people don’t have to die meaningless deaths.  Levi, who grew up in a world where doubtless he saw, day after day, people dying for no reason at all, succumbing to things like disease and starvation and depression and violence, Levi, who grew up doubtless SURROUNDED by meaningless death, is told by this man, whom Levi had meant to kill in his own, misguided attempt to make the lives of his family better, that death doesn’t have to be meaningless at all.  That people can die in ways that will make the world a better place for everyone else, that people can die for a cause that makes not just their deaths, but their very existence, meaningful, valuable, important.  Erwin plants this idea in Levi’s head, that no matter how ugly, or awful, or cruel, or painful, or seemingly pointless life can be, no matter how unfair or unjust the deaths of those we care for may seem, we can, even if only a little, redeem that cruelty and unfairness and that pain, by making their suffering and their sacrifices count towards something better.  Even if that something better is a distant hope, or an unreachable dream, to simply fight for it in the name of those who have endured hardship and lost their lives, is enough to save them from the indignity, shame and hopeless despair of having died forgotten and purposeless.  To Levi, who grew up surrounded by meaningless struggle and death, the thought that what we endure and what we suffer doesn’t have to be for nothing must have been a revelation.

This is why I think Levi is so devoted to Erwin, why he follows Erwin with such loyalty and trust.  It isn’t because of some silly bond due to his bloodline, or because he’s “in love” with Erwin.  It’s because Erwin made Levi believe that life, and death, could both hold something better than the desperate suffering of his childhood.  It’s why Levi thinks of Erwin as someone with a great, far reaching vision that Levi himself could never grasp.  Because he considered this thing that Levi himself never had, that a person’s life and death, both, could be given meaning through the continued actions those still living take in their name.  That WE can give their lives and deaths meaning.  Erwin’s ability to see that made Levi believe in him, and his ability to lead humanity to salvation.  Erwin’s words to Levi that day essentially rescued him from the depressing and brutal darkness of his own life experiences.  They made everything Levi had suffered up to then gain meaning.  No longer did Levi feel he’d lived such a hard and painful life for no reason other than his own misery.  No longer did Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths have to have meant nothing and gained nothing.  Levi could take all of that, could take all of the pain and grief and sadness, and make it into something which would give it reason.  He could use it to form something which could have value for others.  Erwin’s words help pull Levi up from an existence of pure suffering and loss, and instead tell Levi that those things he’s gone through, those losses he’s experienced, those trials he’s endured, weren’t for nothing.

We see Levi apply this philosophy to almost everything he does throughout SnK thereafter, in which he tries with uncompromising determination to make sure every loss suffered, every sacrifice made, every action taken, is done so with meaning, with purpose, with reason.  Whether that be the lives of his comrades being lost in the fight for humanity’s freedom, or Historia needing to step up and take her rightful place as Queen, or his squad having to take the lives of other people to survive, or the numerous lives given to protect Eren, all of it is only tolerable to Levi so long as he believes there is MEANING behind it all, that there is a greater good to be achieved, that it will all lead to a better life for humanity all around.  For someone like Levi, who grew up in such utter depravation and abject poverty, in a world of ruthless and uncaring violence, where his own life was deemed by society to have no worth or value at all, the import of being able to believe in something better, in a better world, where all that suffering didn’t have to happen for nothing, can’t be overstated.  It was like his one, shining light to be found in an otherwise pitch black world, and when he saw it, Levi grasped it with both hands and never let it go.

It speaks too to Levi’s own, inherent idealism, I believe, that he was ABLE to believe the words coming from Erwin’s mouth, when everything in his life up to that point should have crushed any sort of idealistic fancy from him.  Levi wanted to believe it.  His own, innate kindness is what allowed him to.  I don’t think Levi ever fully believed life to be hopeless, or pointless, even before he met Erwin.  It’s why he was able to form bonds with people like Furlan and Isabel, why he did everything he could to help them, to make their lives better, to take care of them, and to help other orphans and delinquents in the Underground.  That he was able to open his heart up to the possibility of friendship and family, and have in him the desire to help those in need, even as it was already a struggle just to keep himself alive, is proof of Levi’s always pure and giving heart.  I think Levi has always desired to make the lives of others better, to do all he could to help others, to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves, and to give value to the lives of those deemed worthless by society.  I think Levi’s always held that kind of compassion and caring and kindness in him, that he’s always just been naturally inclined towards helping others, and wanting to improve their circumstances.  I think where Levi probably struggled was in believing he could achieve those things on his own, or at all.  In believing the plausibility of those dreams, or the value in even harboring such secret desires for something so idealistic.  In believing even in the possibility.  Life, after all, had shown him nothing but the opposite.  What Erwin did for Levi was make him believe in the possibility of his own power to make a difference, and validate his hope as something more than just fancy, turning it to something tangible, something he could work towards and achieve with his own, two hands.  Surrounded by so much pain and suffering without purpose, Erwin gave Levi the realization that, even if he had power in nothing else, he had the power to give the sacrifices and suffering of others meaning.  He had the power to make sure the lives of others were worth something more.   Erwin didn’t make Levi a better person.  Levi was ALWAYS a good person.  What Erwin did was give Levi the ability to believe himself capable of making the difference he always wanted to make.  He gave Levi the ability to genuinely, truly hope.  

[yandere-romanticaa]

I'm shook that my Akame ga Kill! works got notes, especially the ones about Run... So, I'm gonna write for him again because I can! This is totally NOT self indulgent, nope, that does not exist here, noooope!

𝕋𝕠𝕠 𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕝𝕖, 𝕥𝕠𝕠 𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕖.

The bitter cold of the forest did nothing to deter the young man's determination to return to the capital safe and sound. Clutching a small ring box in his left hand Run couldn't help but to smile as he looked up at the night sky. He felt unstoppable at that moment, it felt as though the moon itself had just blessed him and that the stars were cheering him on, to finally pop the question. He was certain that his love would say yes, he was certain that the moment this horrid empire fell into ruin that he could finally find true happiness and peace.

And it would all start with the one who owned his heart. Through the day and even deeper into the night would his heart soar at the thought of his darling little dove waiting for him back home.

Home.

That word used to feel unfamiliar on his lips but once his they found their place on those of his love, only then did he feel his world stop. Only then, and only then, could he call himself a free man, free from his dark past, free from the vengeance he so desperately craved, free from the endless river of blood that was on his hands. Even with his imperial arms that granted him the ability to fly high up into the sky like a mighty hawk, he was still a predator. He would hunt and claw down his enemies, following the instructions of his commander like a good soldier ought to. Run was a good man, even with the blood of the world's greatest scum on his hands. That was precisely why he has to protect his love, that was why he had to fight so hard. He had to stay alive, if not for himself then for his love who waited for him to return. Who knows how many hours of sleep they had lost waiting for him to return, how much blood, sweat and tears they spilt just to see him in the palace. Run felt awful for putting his beloved through this kind of torture but it was all going to be so worth it in the end. The day in which they could finally be together was so close, he could feel it.

Soft footsteps rang quietly throughout the quiet street, starkly contrasting the furious pats that followed closely behind Run. With a cheerful smile on his face his golden eyes softened even more at the sight of his comrades approaching him. He had asked Wave and Kurome earlier to keep and eye out for (y/n) and to report back to him immediately when he came back from his mission. Thinking that was the case he called out to them as he raised his arm into the air in order to greet them properly. He just could not help himself anymore, the pure joy that was consuming his heart was too much to handle. It felt like sparks were going off in his chest, a whole new feeling of adoration was consuming him like the sweetest drug there ever was. As the pair came closer and closer towards him, Run began to notice a few odd details. The distressed look on Kurome's face, the angry tears that were flowing down Wave's face, his distressed and heavy breathing impossible ignore on this otherwise tranquil night. His choked sobs made Run's eyes go wild as he scanned them both, finally spotting the dry and crusty blood on their clothing. Finally face to face, the trio went deadly silent as Wave continued to shed tears like a heartbroken child.

"What's the matter Wave, what is going on? Where is everyone, why do you have blood on you?!" Run broke the short lived silence as he asked various questions that plauged him at the moment. Reaching out towards his friends shoulder, Run tried to comfort him. He was instead met with a harsh slap with Wave's hand, his gaze focused on the ground beneath him as he bit his lips in order to contain his screams of regret. Distressed, Run looked at Kurome's blank face but there was a glint of sorrow and sympathy in those ebony eyes of hers. In her left hand she held a small hair tie, a tie Run had given to his darling mere days ago before his trip. Said tie was covered from bottom to top with dried up blood, a few strands of hair still clinging desperately on it as the wind suddenly picked up the pace. Quiet apologies and choked out crie scould be heard from Wave as he continued to stare at his boots, the blood from his chewed up lips coating his skin like crimson paint. Taking a deep breath, Kurome finally explained the situation to Run in the calmest manner she possibly could at that moment.

There was a sudden breach in the palace, it was either Night Raid or some bandits they were searching for, they weren't quite sure. The scuffle soon turned out into a fullscale battle and there was a high number of casualties. She showed the hair tie into Run's hands, indicating everything.

His heart stopped beating but for all the wrong reasons this time.

The clear sky was now grey, the dark clouds murking his vision. He couldn't tell whether or not it was the rain itself or his own tears, he really couldn't. Growing weak in his knees, Run tried to hard to keep his composure and his pain at bay. It felt as though he was being covered in ice at that exact moment, the excruciating pain overflowing his soul as his lips silently quivered.

He broke his own promise.

The one person he needed the most in the world was gone, just like that.

He wondered if the gods themselves were mourning along with him at that exact moment. The harsh rain seemed to be proof of that. Closing his eyes, he had finally realized that he could never be happy. Such a thing was not possible for a man like him, a man who had done so much, and yet so little. He was going to keep one end of his promise though - he was going to live for his revenge. If he cannot have his love then so be it. He was going to do what he set out to do to begin with.

That stone cold determination did little to soothe his aching heart at that moment but it was his best possible option for him.

Live, love, die. That was the law of the land. It was a law that he despised with his very being. What a pity that the land did not care for his feelings at that moment. It took what it wanted, whenever it wanted. And as retaliation, he was going to steal fire back everything tine times stronger than before.