#and then i'll be at my parents' place which means probably not much alone time

[idontdrinkgatorade]

i feel so anxious rn

[pixiesndberries]

HOW DO I GET YOU ALONE?

— Logan Howlett ❞

𖦰 :: summary — remembering her first love after a long time of running away from it.

→ Logan Howlett, Fem!Reader, Jean Grey, Rogue, Kitty Pryde, and more.

♫ :: Alone - Heart (Bad Animals, 1987) — It Must've Been Love - Roxette (It Must've Been Love, 1990)

𖦰 .. warnings — angst; mentions of intimate moment together (18+ themes), strong words, lmk if I forgot something.

> I haven't double checked this, might contain grammatical errors and typos.

𖦰 author's note — LMK IF YOU WANT LOGAN'S POV GUYS 🙏 I kinda felt shitty and I wanted a heart clenching angst, I don't want them to be happy and all of that love story. Probably my longest work ever and I'll have my break for like a day or two (more like 2 years) anyways HAVE FUN POOKIES!

WORD COUNT — 3, 666k words

"Hey, take care of the kids and yourself too." the man mutters underneath his breath as he places his 'best dad in the world' coffee mug in the sink, quickly grabbing himself a napkin to wipe the left residue on his lips — it took her a quick moment to respond since her attention is too focused on putting her children's school lunch in their very own lunch boxes, "yeah, yeah you too." she nods as she wipes her hand in her colourful apron, giving him a glare.

"did you have everything? car keys? the lunch I made you?" she says with a worried yet hurried tone making sure her husband got everything in his hands before leaving the house — "yes, ma'am." he chuckles with a nod, before she could even say something back he walked up to her wrapping his arms around her, planting a kiss on her temples.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

he nodded and left pulls away, calling the kids to have their goodbyes before their father left for work — she turns around and sighs while wiping the bead of sweat forming in her forehead, she then closes the lunchboxes and place it inside the lunch bags.

for the last nine years, this is her daily routine — to be a responsible wife and mother towards her husband and children, to be her children's first teacher and to be her husband's helping hand.

just like her dream, to be wife to somebody.

to a certain someone.

"Mommy!" james yells from his room making her drop what she was doing in panic that something might've happen to her first born son, she rushed upstairs 'till his room just to see him being completely fine — "Mommy, we need to bring old photos of our parents to school for our family tree." he says slightly feeling scared that he might've freaked his mom out for yelling too loud and exaggerated.

she sighs closing her eyes, but then looks at the kid, again trying to be calm as possible not wanting to scold the child because the school bus is going to arrive in ten minutes and he just had the balls to tell her that right now. "Okay, give me a quick moment. Wait downstairs and watch Peter and Julien for me, is that okay?" she says calmly.

"okay, mommy." james nodded as he carries his backpack with him, she created a space so he could get out of his bedroom door — when she heard his foot steps coming from the stairs she closed his bedroom door and made her way to the attic wherein the old and useless stuff was placed.

she pulled the ladder string making the ladder fall on it's own, she then secured it making sure it's stable enough to step on. As soon as it was stable enough she climbed, her head peeking through the attic.

she then spend her last minutes searching for some old boxes with photos, she already obtained her husband's old photos, mainly the one from his school yearbook photos — on the other hand, she couldn't manage to look for hers. She didn't really had much of photos before except for some that are nowhere to be found, she didn't go to school either which means she does have yearbook photos to share.

she already wanted to give up and just hand out the photos that she had in her hands right now, but her eyes landed on this brown wooden box with her brain processing where it could be from, it looks familiar at the same time it doesn't.

she then crouched to grab the box, it was small and almost fragile considering how old it maybe is. She shook the box making sure it has something inside and it did sound like there are things inside but it feels like it's packed with so much things inside.

she already forgot about the ticking of the clock and how close the school bus might be already. She flick the button open, bringing her hand to open the lid.

letters

photographs

and a locket.

it made her stop breathing for a moment, it's like her soul jumped out of her body for a quick mini second as the realization of what this was — she blinked while her fingers lingered into the rough almost fragile papers that contains letters and the photos wherein the colors are slowly fading.

she exhales and attempted to push back the letters and photos all at once in the small box, she's rushing making it unable to push it all at once except if placed neatly, out of frustration she dropped the box making it scattered all around the floor with the other ones flying somewhere in the room — she sighs closing her eyes, only to see a photo of them lying in the floor with a letter behind it.

the poorly written words even brought those memories back too good yet it stings painfully than being tortured by an electrocuting machine — no, she wasn't supposed to sit here and see this all of these things that are supposed to be gone ever since she left that damn roof. She already left what she was many years ago and she's not planning to remember nor come back because she's already contended of what she have right now, this was her dream right?

she felt a bead of tear slowly runs down her cold cheeks as she stare at the photo with her hand holding into it, wanting to just tear it apart or maybe burn it until it's all nothing but ashes that she's soon going to throw away in the lake nearby her house.

hair was short, smile was wide, she's wearing his leather jacket, his hands wrapped around her waist and her lips was attached into his cheeks — the piece of paper crumbled into her hand as she lets out an exhausted sigh and her eyes' blinking trying to avoid wasting tears again.

the same face she had as they were talking that night, the night that absolutely ruined her.

before this whole him meeting jean thing, everything was way too different compared to what situation they're in after him meeting jean — they're almost entwined and it feels like they're the only one who understands each other wether it's about missions or just in general.

birds of a feather or two peas in a pod, that's what professor x calls them, they're almost inseparable — but as times goes by it's more than just friendship.

at some point the tension started being way too compacted that it's almost hard to resist the fact that he couldn't help but to look at her lips everytime she speaks or maybe she couldn't help but to look when he's just there standing topless while fixing something — everything was irresistible.

"I don't know, he just keeps coming at me or something." she shrugs with their bodies next to each other as stares at her drink, the tension was tight and somehow warm — and the fact that Logan is questioning about this random dude who came up to her basically checking her out, it's not helping.

he doesn't want to sound possessive.

she's not his.

she doesn't want to avoid the guy either.

it's not like he's going to get jealous.

he didn't mutter any response but the moment she looked at him, she can hear the mutters inside his head — she knows that she agreed to not read his mind but she couldn't help, her head got ears and it's hearing too well.

"I'm not going with him, not worth my time. Rather, I know someone's better at wasting my time." she mutters underneath her breath quickly looking back at her whiskey as he looks back — he clicked his tongue putting the glass down in the counter, she then looks back making their eyes locked at each other.

it was deep, it was something, what do you call that? mind fucking?

she's sure it's not her telepathy thing that is wanting to pull him into a kiss right now and let him do the things that he wanted to do to her, and Logan is also sure that's it's not only him who's been feeling this close and those gazes and touches didn't have any meaning.

"fuck." she mutters underneath her breath as she holds into the bathroom's towel rail for balance as Logan's teeth leaves marks on her neck — she can't help but to wince and moan lightly as he squeezes her glutes, feeling the tight pressure.

"Logan, it's going to be visible." she sighs as he pulls away with her free hand resting on the back of his head.

"can't find the problem."

fuck, literally.

she pulls him in a passionate kiss, feeling almost like high or euphoric just by this. It was an overwhelming gut rush that she couldn't explain, she can taste the bitterness of the liquor he just had mixing with hers and it's getting her almost feral — "fuck me, Logan." she groans in his ears, like that her request is what he fulfils.

it would be a lie if both of them say everything happened once or twice, it was more than that — they didn't shared just themselves, their body, a kiss but an intimacy that she knew she wouldn't have with anyone else except for Logan.

it wouldn't be the same if it's not Logan.

every night, as they lay together in bed with Logan next to her sleeping his ass off — she couldn't help but to think, what they really are.

sometimes she would just be there and imagine their future together, kids, a nice house, and them being together — a small house down town just perfectly enough for their family, she even promised herself that if they're going to have their first son, it's name is going to be James Howlett Jr.

she's never really been a vocal type of person since from the start, she prefers quiet over anything else in this world — she never once brought the words, "what are we?" or maybe ask him if they're more than just sharing naked bodies at one bed or crashing lips together as the world falls apart around them.

but then she just spends her whole night pondering when's the right time going to be to just ask him if,

if he feels more than just sexual tension or whatever was this.

like, it couldn't be so casual that he'd hug her from behind or be a worrywart everytime she's out of sight during missions — and most of all, friends don't say I love you during sex, right?

she'd always remember when a fortune teller told her that 'you wouldn't know when the universe is going to turn against you' she never believed it not until she came home from a mission along with kitty — as she walk in the halls, she could already hear the familiar voice; his voice.

and jean's voice?

when she was only few steps away from the room where all the noises of the room is coming from, she was fighting with herself wether to just stay and listen or just walk by the room so maybe he'll notice that she's there or maybe just mind her own business, they're just friends right?

she can hear Logan's chuckle as she teases him over something.

she couldn't help but to feel this weird ache in her stomach, she couldn't explain the feeling but it was slowly going up her chest until it reaches her throat — her chest rises she closed her eyes trying to take deep breaths and thinking to just walk away.

she opens her eyes and exhales heavily, almost audible — she walked pass by the room purposely making her steps audible, she didn't even know why she did that.

she walked quickly back to her room and closed the door behind her, then leaning her back into the door with a heavy sigh — why did I do that?

why do I feel like this?

why,

why,

and why's.

that's all she could think of all night, they're just friends right?

the kiss

the way he holds her hand

no, she pushed herself to calm down — Logan can be friends with anyone, what she witnessed is just a friendly conversation so where's the reason to be paranoid?

and they aren't even together.

each night she wasted her time pondering what to do because they are slowly drifting away from each other — as time passes Logan and Jean's relationship are getting tighter, closer, it's like they're sewn together and she's just there.

letting things be,

letting everything go it's way like nothing happened between them.

"are you seriously going to stand there and just watch them?" rogue scoffs while holding a cup of coffee, scooting herself next to her friend who seems to be swimming in her own thoughts — her mind was blank while leaning into the balcony as the stars shines bright, she's well aware of the company that rogue and kitty offered her.

"didn't know you're a masochist now." kitty teased making rogue let out a low chuckle as she sips her coffee — no reaction from her, she just breaths heavily.

the atmosphere was quiet for a moment, only the sound of crickets was audible but she broke it after seconds — "I don't know, if he wanted me in the first place it wouldn't be like this."

"I mean like, the real thing."

rogue and kitty exchanged glances feeling bad for their friend, rogue looked at her for a moment then let's out a heavy sigh.

"you should talk to him, you know, to have a closure of what you two did isn't just games."

"I wish it was that easy." she says looking back at rogue, "I've made numerous attempts but when it's the actual thing and he's there, it's so hard to speak."

rogue and kitty couldn't find the perfect words to help her put her hopes up, they haven't been in her place — she's not asking for it either, she's doing okay and she appreciated the time her friends are putting on her to help her with this.

"if you wouldn't try, you wouldn't know right?" kitty spoke

she understood both of her friends suggestion to what to do, it's easy when you think about it but when you're actually there the aching feeling that slowly crawls up to her throat was getting her,

but she couldn't just sit there and wait because at some point he'll probably never try because he's focused on someone else.

cinnamon girl, is that what she is right now?

he's addicted on something and couldn't bring himself to care about her, anymore?

she wouldn't say that he completely shut her off his life, sometimes when they would run against each other, they would exchange glances but never would say a thing — sometimes during dinner the whole team would talk, then Logan would agree to her words — after missions Logan would check up the other people and she's one of them, but then she'll just smile and nod.

he's there, but not completely there.

she hated how casual it is for him to just walk pass by her, stand next to her like nothing happened, talk to jean as if she wasn't there.

this wasn't them numerous days ago, she's longing for it and it hurts so bad.

she just wanted to run away from it, but with him and jean being in the same roof as hers — it's so hard to find an excuse.

during dinner, she was so quiet as she was eating this whatever food it was — she couldn't even think straight, all of the people that surrounds her are laughing and she's just there drowning herself in a pool filled thoughts.

"right, (y/n)?" rogue chuckles nudging her arms which made her quickly looked around the people in the table, almost feeling like she just woke up in from daydream which made everyone around the table confused and exchange glances.

"yeah, yeah." she nodded awkwardly chuckling looking back at her food, kitty and rogue exchanging looks as if they already know the reason behind her behavior right now.

to fill the awkward atmosphere gambit created a joke making the whole table laugh again as if nothing happened, there she was so low in her food.

she glared around the people making sure their attention wasn't on hers because honestly it was that embarrassing, but then her eyes landed on Logan who quickly looked back.

no shit.

she glared back at her food and continue to finish it off so she could finally leave the table and rest.

on the other hand, Logan looked confused yet seem to already be puzzling the reasons why her behaviors like that right now.

later that night after the dinner, rogue and kitty said their goodnights to her and made their way to their rooms — while she was walking in the hall she was still lost of what's happening around her, she couldn't help but to think, think, and think.

out of nowhere she had this urge to stop walking, and yeah right.

Logan was in the hall too,making his way somewhere she doesn't know.

Logan also stopped his tracks and looked at her, both of their faces blank.

What do I do?

Should I?

she's fighting with herself inside, wether to approach him and talk about it or just once let it go.

her chest was rising heavily, it's visible and the tension right now is almost compacted as if there's no air.

"Logan."

"(y/n)."

both of their names slipped from each's lips on the same time — is he aware?

"can we talk? please." she exhales feeling the aching torns building up her throat once again, almost choking her — Logan nodded, she gave the somewhere private look and he shrugged agreeing with her.

You don't know how long I have wanted, to touch your lips and hold you tight. — You don't know how long I have waited, and I was going to tell you tonight.

they are in the balcony, with the cold wind feeding the almost dry atmosphere — she can't really explain what she felt but it's almost like she's trapped in a box and she's slowly exploding, it's an overwhelming feeling having him here.

she doesn't know how to start and he's just standing there waiting for her to say the words he needed to hear, she gulps and looked at him with her eyes reflecting the bright colors of the stars and moon.

"it's, about us." she finally spoke, her voice almost cracking through the words — she's fighting the urge not to cry right now, her chest just feels so heavy.

she can see in her eyes how Logan reacted when the word us slips from her lips, he knows that what she's talking about and if she's in the right state she would've plucked her mind to get under his to read whatever he's thinking right now.

he didn't respond, "Logan, what am I to you? Are you really going to shut me off like I was someone who you didn't know." she says with her fist tightening into a ball and her voice raising a little — frustration and pain.

"Logan, are you really going to act like this forever, like I wasn't here?" she says with a firm tone.

"are you really going to forget about what we had?"

"those kisses, sweet nothings, touch, and whatever the fuck it is!"

"(y/n)."

"don't fucking call me now, Logan, I am so fucking hurt." she says pointing at his chest out of frustration, she felt like exploding right now.

beads of tears was already slipping in her cheeks, her chest rising continuously.

he was dumbfounded, not being able to find the right words to defend himself — because it was true, it all happened and he couldn't just pretend that it didn't happened.

"tell me, those fucking things that we had is nothing to you!"

"that's not true."

"then why!" she sobs trying her best to keep her voice down, "Logan, why?"

"I don't know."

"what do you mean you don't know?" she sobs again feeling so frustrated, "Logan, I'm sure those things are easy to forget shit."

"if it's just fucking, flirting, comforting to you. Logan to me it's the real fucking thing, what do you call that again? Love?"

she never once wanted to admit that she's in love, she hated love, they both hated love and all this time they both believed that what they did is just nothing, something they can easily forget — sorry for breaking it to him, she fooled herself for thinking it's love.

"I never learned to care until I met you."

"I never learned to love until I met you." she says almost choking from her own spit as tears continuously pouring.

again, Logan couldn't bring himself to speak — it's not like he doesn't care to what's happening right now, he just didn't know this is what she felt all this time. He thought she felt the way he does, all of this are nonsense.

"I thought it was all nothing." he says back, "I thought you and I agreed that we're doing that no strings attached."

"but you said I love you, and I'm sorry clinged to that but I hoped." she quickly responded, "my mouth hasn't shut up about you since you kissed it. The idea that you may like me the way that I do was stuck in my brain, which hasn't stopped thinking about you since." she says with her voice cracking mid sentence.

"I didn't mean to make you feel that way, but you know we both agreed right? that we don't have something."

"and that was my mistake, but you couldn't just say you love me like it was nothing."

she still remembers it perfect in her head, she can still hear how he said it during sex, while they're just together, kissing her forehead and mumbles I love you before mission — it was all nothing?

"I just wished you could've told me before you," she pauses wiping her tears, in fact she couldn't even bring herself to say her name.

"you could've told me that before meeting Jean, because I felt like I'm some kind of toy that you got sicked of playing."

it was nothing but quiet for a few seconds but Logan cutted the silence as he attempted to explain for himself.

"I was the first person Jean got closed with and during that time you were nowhere to be found, maybe you're there but so far."

"I thought you didn't want me anymore."

she did, she did spaced away from him thinking he doesn't her anymore — it's her mistake for not talking this out ever since she felt jealous.

"but that's not a reason to completely shut me off, you could've ended whatever we are doing in a good way so I wouldn't hope anymore that you would still be knocking at my door, to talk to me." she added

they're are both standing at their own points.

she already felt tired at this moment and just wanted to cry her eyes out in her room and Logan was completely lost right now, conflicted between Her and Jean.

she already know that he wouldn't at least try to explain that he once loved her like she did, she's so dumb for even thinking about it.

"then I'm sorry, if that's what you wanted to hear."

why is he making it sound like she's demanding for an apology? she doesn't want to see him anymore, she's so miserable right now.

she sighs, she doesn't even know what to say now everything is messing up with her head, she already said what she have to say to him and it made her chest lighter now — but there's still an open wound in her heart right now.

"I love her, but I appreciated you."

and when she heard those words it felt like the world came crashing to her and continuously slaps her on the face, Logan then turned back, having himself looking back at her before walking way.

as much as she wanted to stop him, she thought it's for the best to let him be — it already happened, it's clear that he didn't want her from the start.

So this is it?

That's it?

Should I be happy that he appreciated me?

Logan could still here muffles and cries that night, he was in his bed trying to shake off the feeling — this weird feeling, he knew that he should be sorry but in the first place he thought both of them doesn't believe in love, he clinged into that.

He'd be lying if he didn't admit he didn't mean to say those words, those sweet nothings, and those love gestures — he was conflicted between the forming feelings for her and the fact that she once admitted that she doesn't believe in love.

so he stopped himself and found Jean, Jean wasn't so scared of showing her love and the slow burning start of their romance — if he knew that they're both in love from the start maybe he wouldn't be here in this bed right now remembering the words she have said.

he was a jerk and he knows that, but he it'll make things tougher if he admitted that he also felt something for her — it would be useless now that him and jean had this thing now, it'll hurt her more.

Last minute regret, he's going to carry this forever.

"I have to find my myself professor, I think this is just not for me." she mutters underneath her breath while looking at the man in front of her, Professor Charles Xavier.

she professor was dumbfounded for her sudden departure with the reason of she felt like what she's doing wasn't really for her — as much as professor x wanted to disagree because of her helpful abilities that put the team together, it's almost like him and her are alike, he couldn't bring himself to stop her.

there's this energy that tells him that she is in agony, a sense of lost, as if she was in grief — he didn't bother to read her mind, it feels too wrong especially when she look like this.

"if that what makes you happy, I am delighted to fully support your decision, I just wanted you to know that the door is open when you wanted to come back, (y/n)." the professor said with a grin on his face, which somehow sent her a sense of comfort.

"I am holding into that." she smiles, but she remembered something before going.

"please don't tell them, the only people who are aware are rogue and kitty, please?"

"as you wish."

and that she traveled where she can, wherever her feet brings her finding the peace that she wanted — she wanted to leave who she was, wanting her old self dead and forgotten.

as much as it hurts her, she wanted to space away not wanting to drown herself once again — maybe she really love him that much that she reached this point.

Logan was her first love, and she knows it's going to take a long time forgetting that face.

she changed everything about her from head to toes, cut and dyed her hair, attempted to find a new style which she successfully did and to forget everything in the past leaving them where they belong.

she found herself in Switzerland, wherein she built a flower shop and when she's not busy she'll be a part time teacher in preschool — with that being said, that's the same place she met her husband.

he always buys flowers in her shop for his mother who was sick, there he learned his interest towards her — Long story short, they got married and shared three children; James, Julien, and Peter.

and ever since she met her husband she forgot about Logan, not even thinking's where he is, how is he doing, if he is still actually alive — she never once think of him, even the school and her friends.

"Mommy! The school bus is here!" when she heard a familiar voice coming from down the attic she quickly stuffed the box and what it contains somewhere that wouldn't be found by any of the people inside this house except her, she wiped her tears and took a deep breath.

"I'm done, hold on." she says before grabbing a random photograph with Logan and tearing it apart quickly making her way down the attic, handing it to James as fast as possible.

"kids!" she calls out as she walk fast guiding the kids out of the house with the big yellow bus waiting outside.

:: additional note — LMK IF YOU WANTED THIS BUT LOGAN'S POV CUZ LIKE I FELT I DID LOGAN DIRTY WITH THIS ONE 🙏 THIS IS MY LONGEST FIC SO FAR 😭 I'M TIRED BYE.

ᯓ★ pixiesndberries 2024 ! i don't allow my work to be share in any platforms without my permission — REBLOGS, LIKES, AND FOLLOW ARE APPRECIATED !

[cinnamonroll-anon]

Hello! If its okay to request, Could you do fnaf?

With Springtrap, Scraptrap (and Glitchtrap/Burntrap ) react to Reader as William Afton's daughter. With the reaction of them with ghost of Afton (or Afton's fatherly love or any alike) to his adult daughter, who's working in Fnaf location(s) and also the only living/surviving family member

Lost to Time: Springtrap x Daughter!Reader (Platonic)

A/n: Of course I'd do fnaf! It's literally like my favorite! I know you asked for different versions of Springtrap and to keep things from being confusing I'll spilt them into a timeline order. Sorry if this isn't what you requested have a nice day anon!

Warnings: Platonic Paring, Angst, Gendered Reader but i still used GN pronouns

You were the youngest of the Afton family, being around 3 when the incident at Fredbears Family Diner hospitalized and killed Evan. You were treasured in the family, but you couldn't understand what was happening around you. At first, Evan was gone, then your mother left, soon Elizabeth disappeared and last but not least your father was presumed dead. The remaining family member at the time was Michael, but he was barely a teen, he couldn't take care of you.

He had learned about everything that had happened, from the divorce of his parents, the tragic accident that killed Elizabeth and the eventual madness of his father. Michael was glad that you were left out of all this and felt both happy and heartbroken by how young you were, you wouldn't remember this. He gave you up for adoption and requested that your last name would be changed, hoping to spare you the burden of your real family, and to correct the sins of his father.

You grew up into a normal family, you had never once doubted the legitimacy of your relation, but you had odd dreams. Times of different faces and colorful birthdays, patterned walls and floors. In the end it all drifted away like a fever dream, one that felt so close and real. You eventually came across Fazbear's Fright, a horror attraction based on a long urban legend of the town you recently moved to. You had much fun reading through the documentaries, yet the mystery of the man behind the slaughter was still unsolved. He was presumed dead, and you hoped it stayed that way. You didn't want to end up on the victim list.

You remember the first day you came to work, how the man on the phone was ecstatic to have actually found one of the old animatronics. You flicked the cameras to look at it, or as much as you could in the dimly illuminated space it sat in. It was horrible to look at, it was rotten and was practically on the verge of decay, which made it perfect for the attraction. The room that you were in was stuffy, the constant need to check on the ventilation was tiresome throughout the night. You would check the camera's and look at the rabbit suit, you swore it wasn't looking at the camera when you got here. You brushed it off as a lack of oxygen or the animatronic glitching and moving. Yeah, it probably could do that.

The next night you knew you weren't crazy or delirious, that thing moved on it's own. The most uncanny part of it was it's movement, it was too fluid for a rusting robot. Eventually you figured out a way between handling your hallucinations of paranoia and redirecting the animatronic throughout the attraction. It was a frivolous task, and you weren't sure how long you'd make it, until eventually it was looking at you through the glass in front of you.

He wasn't sure how long he was stuck in that closet but he was sure glad he wasn't trapped again, that was until he realized he was in another building, one that imitated the old locations. It was like this place was taunting him, reminding him of his past, of the horrible choices that had sealed his fate. As he tried roaming around the building at night he realized he wasn't alone, someone was watching through the cameras. A twisted idea came to Springtrap's mind, if he couldn't get out of the building by his own means, he could hunt down the guard here for sport.

He continued with this plan, promising himself that he was only killing whoever was there for their keys, yet he knew that deep inside of him he just wanted to quench a crazed desire. On some night's, when he didn't turn to follow the taunting noises of children's laughter he would make it to the glass that separated you two. He would observe you, quick glances to intense stares. The glass was obviously dirty, it was hard to make out your face, bit something deep down told him you were familiar. Were you one of the old guards? Or perhaps someone he was aquatinted with? No. You looked too familiar, almost as if he could put a name to your face. As these nights continued he not only grew more reckless but also more desperate to figure out who you were. Who were you to remind him of the time he was alive?

One night you were falling behind on your tasks finding yourself, having to decide between running the chance of that thing getting inside of the office or having clean air. You survival instinct kicked in and you chose to run the ventilation, gasping for breath as you hungrily breathed in, trying to get rid of the lightheadedness that fogged your brain. It was his chance, he swiftly moved into the office, acquaintance or not he was done being trapped inside the forsaken place. That was until he got a good look at you.

It was as if his very heart felt a sudden pain, a newfound sense of dread washing over him as he froze in place, looming over you too closely. You were terrified of this thing in front of you and you both entered a long and painful stare down. You couldn't be, but you were. His child, his youngest. What he used to find the most precious in his life. It was complicated, he was used to being this, being Springtrap, but right now he could only feel the presence of William. He couldn't hurt you, old memories flooding his mind as he inspected you. He ended up retreating back into the furthest room and you were panicking at the close call of your certain demise.

He sat and contemplated, he would remember how gently he held you when you first came into the world. How your laughter would light up his heart, he would've done anything to make you smile. You were so young and now you were so much older. He couldn't believe it, how he had practically forgotten you, so driven by his bloodthirst. He wondered what became of you, of Michael. Michael? Where was he? Was he with you? Did you grow up without them? Had you cried when everyone had left? As he sat he could almost cry, he had abandoned you, he had acted so reckless that he had carelessly thrown away all of his life. All of your life. The life of his entire family.

It drove him insane thinking and spiraling in that room. He would dig his hands into the moldy and matted fur of his so called body. He wasn't that man anymore, he was something else. He had made peace with that, but a part of him, this old spirit of William Afton would come to haunt him. It brought a new sense of terror to his situation, a headache to deal with who he was. He was Springtrap not William, but there would always he a sliver of William in him.

The next nights were odd for you, he wasn't moving around much, neither did he appear hostile. He would go up to the window and stare at you before walking away mindlessly. In a sense you were still his beloved daughter, even if you were the last of what remained from the past. Then one night, things became more creepier to you because he'd begin to do something that normal animatronics could do... He began to talk. And not preprogrammed daiolgue, this thing was talking on it's own. You wondered what would've been more unerving, this thing spouting out jumbled speech or showing signs of actual sentience.

It had started once again where the glass separated the two of you, his voice came out pained and raspy, truly worthy of his appearance. "Who are you?"

He already knew the answer in his heart, but he felt this strange need to connect with you. Either that or the sheer isolation of god knows how long, he wanted to get to know you better. That's how you would spend the night, talking to this animatronic. As you got a better look at him you began to notice something alarming, he had organs, decaying organs.

"What about family? Any lost members or accidents?" He wanted to know if you remembered, if there was any hope you knew about him.

"No, just a normal family in the suburbs, well as normal as we can be. I've seen my sibling chug down a whole litter of soda in one sitting, though." He was amused by you, but he was quickly losing hope in you, about you actually knowing who he was.

"Really? No divorce or family issue?" You've had to remember his split with his wife, these things are what children tend to remember... right?

"No, my parents love each other to bits, the only time I've seen them fight was over who ate thier ice cream before movie night." You were beyond weirded out by his specific questions, but that morbid curiosity kept you answering them. Maybe it's because you also would've interrogated this thing, had you not been felt like a cornered animal. You were lucky that the night was coming to an end but you needed to figure out what this thing was before you left.

"What even are you?"

"You could say I'm what little remains of the man I used to be." He answered as he looked over his own body in contemplation.

"And who would that be?"

"I was once known as William, William Afton." You felt the way your fists tightened and the sense of terror that struck you. You were now in very real danger. Stuck in a building with a murder. A child murderer.

"Why? Why haven't you killed me yet then?" Possibly the worst thing to ask a six foot animatronic with a serial killer for a resident.

"You remind me of someone, my youngest child, but I'm afraid they were too young at the time." He mused to himself before leaning closer to the window, making eye contact with you. It was chilling, those glossy and clouded silver eyes, eyes of a decaying corpse.

"What utter nonsense, I'd never be related to a monster like you!"

"Is that so? Then have you ever bothered to ask if you're related to your so called parents?"

"Don't you dare bring them into this!" You practically barked out to the now smug animatronic.

"Upset much? Not that it matters, I know my own when I see them. You look so identical from when you did before." He responded almost fondly as his gaze softened for a fraction of a second. As soon as the clock hit six you bolted out of the building and into your car in disbelief.

He had left you with more questions than answers. He was William Afton, the infamous killer and co-creator of the Fazbear company. That and how much he was digging into your own past, like he knew something was off. You didn't want to believe him, that atrocity, but you had decided to confront your parents that night.

You felt as though your world came crashing down. What do you mean you were adopted?!

"Why didn't you tell me this before? Why did you keep this away from me? I'm old enough to know. It wouldn't have changed how I viewed you, but this has to do with my biological family!" You were beyond distressed, you felt mortified by these new findings.

"Trust us we wouldn't have kept this away from you had it not been by his wishes."

"Who's wishes?" Who else's say in the matter could be more important than you knowing the truth.

"Your brothers wishes. Listen, you came from a... complicated background, he wanted to save you from that burden. He requested to have your name changed so that you'd have a better chance at life than him." You could tell by their look in their eyes that it came from a place of sincerity, this wasn't done to cause you any strife.

"Please, I just want to know the truth... How was my life before the adoption? Please." Eventually they sat you down, before explaining to you your foreign past.

They first explained the death of your two middle siblings, Evan and Elizabeth, how your mother had divorced your father. And lastly that your father had died tragically as well. This story wouldn't have been so disturbing had they not explained why this happened. Because you were an Afton, the daughter of William Afton. They tried to explain to you all the sickening details of your past and how eventually it was just Micheal and you. You felt tears in your eyes as your parents comforted you. You couldn't believe you were related to William Afton, and it felt worse knowing that he was still alive in that bunny suit.

You had understood why your past was considered better buried, it was the connections to a tragic family and evidence to the murders. Your parents told you how Micheal had told them everything, it felt like a secret they needed to hide from you to give you the semblance of a normal life. You wondered if Michael was still out there somewhere. Was he alright? You couldn't really bother asking those what if's, especially because you'd have to return to work tomorrow. Back with him.

It was an awkward meeting but he felt delighted to see you again. You talked with him cautiously, I mean he was now a rotting corpse and a killer. You ended up learning that as much as this was your father he had also changed, like his spirit lived on but not who he used to be. He talked about how he lamented not taking care of you, ignoring everything for his ultimate goal and eventually giving into his sinister desire. But in a bittersweet way he way glad you never got involved, unlike Michael, he still remembers how terrified Micheal was of him. You granted him some grace to get to know you, and deep down in his un-beating heart he was greatful, for a part of him still recognized you as his beloved child. He was not only more gentle towards you, but even caring about your life outside of this attraction. You'd end up telling him that it made sense why this attraction was so distant and familiar to you, it used to remind you of the old diner and birthday parties you had seen. Glimpses of your old life.

He found it odd how he cared for you even going as far as holding you close in his embrace. It brought small tears to his eyes when he did, when was the last time he held you or anyone in the past thirty years. He allowed his parental love for you to shine through and you allowed it to reciprocate, when you felt comfortable enough.

One day this little routine of yours changed, you were swapped with another night guard and given the day shift. It was odd, it's not like you saw him as your father, you knew he couldn't be that to you anymore, not after what he did, but still you wanted to know him. Like the small bit of your past you could talk to, the closest thing to your old family. As semi disappointed as you were you continued the week working, hoping to maybe sneak around to talk to springtrap, but to your horror the attraction was burned down. When you had arrived in the morning, there were police and firefighters. The attraction was burned to the ground only ashes and some old structure remained, charred and on the verge of collapse.

You went home with a sense of dread and grief in the pit of your stomach. The man you could've called your father could now be gone forever. You waited restlessly for any news, hoping that he was still alive somehow. You got an email letting you know that you were let off, nothing was salvageable, only small objects and that the original fazbear suit was gone, presumably burnt to nothing. You felt yourself swallow a lump at your throat, it wasn't fair, you had just found out the truth only to have it stripped from you again, your family stripped from you again.

Time would go on until you found another job at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza Place. You were honestly trying to cope with everything, the death of your father, the guilt of what he had done and not being able to find your brother Michael. You were hired as well as another man, he was a bit older than you and looked sickly, but you never commented on it. He would often wear a mask to hide his face, probably to hide whatever condition did that damage to him. You both would scavenge and build up the pizzeria, bringing old animatronics in. The one that caught your eye was a familiar bunny costume, a run down green one you never thought you were going to see again.

When you brought him in at first he wouldn't recognize you. It stung in your heart as he would become another one if the mindless animatronics thirsting for blood and vengeance. You stayed longer after your shift with your coworker, telling him that you just needed a couple of minutes before you left. You'd end up confronting him, or what he calls himself now, Scraptrap. It took some back and forth between you and this version of him.

"You can't just go ahead and ruin their lives, my life, and not possibly remember. Here I thought you actually changed, but you've showed me that the old William Afton didn't give up on his despicable goals!" That voice, he knew it, like a nagging feeling in his gut before he heard that name. William. William Afton. That's who he was. Nobody else knew, unless. He called you out by your name, too apologetically, stunned as he inspected you.

You turned and faced the estranged face of Scraptrap, he looked at you more softly, gently raising his hand before gently cupping your face. How could this be? Could fate really have been this cruel to merge your paths again? You couldn't help the tears, after all he's done he was still your father, and he wasn't dead.

You'd both would spend some time again with each other, making sure your coworker didn't catch the two of you talking. It would've been one really awkward conversation. You lamented Scraptrap, his mind was deteriorating, getting corrupted by his twisted impulses. You feared the little remnant of your father would fade into nothing and you'd be stuck with a deranged killer in his place. Scraptrap could feel that strange sense in his chest again, that desire to protect you, to show you compassion and care. Could he even be capable of that at this point? He felt like he was in too deep to back down now.

It was soon the end of the week, you were so proud of how far you and your coworker were able to get this place up and running. That was until the animatronics, or one of them began to talk, Scrap Baby. She carried an ominous and erie message, almost like the cards were in her favor until the communication cut off and another man began to talk, Henry. He had revealed in the message that Scrap Baby was Elizabeth, you swore you almost entered a breakdown again. Elizabeth? Elizabeth Afton? Your sister?

Both you and your coworker had collected all the possessed animatronics, with Henry wishing to set them free and to end William for once and for all. You could feel the way the building grew more hotter by the second and the escape route was mentioned and you began to panic. You tugged on the sleeve of your coworker, trying to get him to leave with you.

"We need to leave, now! I know this all seems crazy but we can still escape, come on!"

"I'm not going anywhere, I've made my peace with this."

"What are you even talking about?! We need to go now!" You could feel the way the fire was slowly approaching your office, you could hear the terrible noises those creatures made. It was agonizing, especially knowing that Scraptrap was one of them, but you couldn't afford to save him, not when you could barely save yourself.

"I want to stay here and let this whole tragedy end, I'm right where i need to be. There's nothing out there for me."

"You can't just say that!" You could practically taste the smoke, a sheer miracle you haven't started coughing.

"You don't understand! I'm William's son! I'm that monsters family, I've been working to undo the damage he's caused, to right his wrongs. I've been following his trail for all of my life and now... I just want to rest..." He said as he finally drew his face mask off. He looked horrible, his skin an unnatural color, down to his bones.

"Michael?" You felt the smoke begin to prick your eyes, this sudden revelation only adding fuel to your watering eyes. He looked at you in entire disbelief, he had used many different names, leaving this one behind, you couldn't have known.

"How? How do you know my name?" He asked hesitantly, looking you up and down, trying to see if he might recognize you from anywhere. Any hint to know how you knew his name.

"Micheal, I'm your sibling... An Afton." The way his eyes widened and tears began to spill from his eyes made your own cascade down your cheeks.

"No, no, this can't be you're not supposed to be here! You can't be here! You need to leave!" He urged as he looked around in fear, the fire was just outside the doors, illuminating the small room you were in.

"Hey! Wait! You need to get them out please! Show them the way out, please! I'm begging you!" Micheal cried out desperately, hugging you close, as he tried to protect you from the fire himself. There were too many emotions in this hug, from a ruinting hug to a comforting hug. He held you tightly, hand cradling the back of your head protectively. Guess big brother instincts always kick in.

"If you wish to get out... you need to get through the ventilation system, there will be a locked panel at the end of it, use the key in the desk to open it. Hurry, you don't have much time. I'm nearby." Henry's voice came in softly, and Micheal quickly rummage through the desk and handed you the key with shakey hands.

"You heard what he said, now go." He said through his tears, you couldn't help the sob that creeped through your throat.

"No please, Micheal I can't lose you too." He gently held your face in his hands, you could barely make him out through your watering eyes.

"Go now, I'll be okay... you were the only good thing that came out of all of this." He said with a somber smile, before leading you to a nearby vent. The fire had eaten up most of the building stability, you could hear the loud snapping and crashing throughout the building. You said your final goodbye to your brother before beginning to crawl through the tight space. It was too hot in here, the metal had heated up and the air was heavy. You were heaving as you made your way throughout the vents, you were on the verge of a coughing fit, being this high up where all the smoke was.

Your watery sight made it hard to distinguish turns, having to feel the burning metal to know where to go. Soon you were met with a vent that was locked, you could feel the cool night breeze from the outside and you fumbled with the keys and lock. You sighed desperately as you heard the lock click and fall before hastily shoving the damn thing open.

You fell down into some bushes, gasping heavily as clean air filtered through your lungs. Before you could process anything else you felt something pick you up by your arms, guiding you away from the blazing building. Henry walked you carefully until you reached a car and he sat you down inside the passenger seat. He did his best to comfort you through all of this, as you practically sobbed into his shoulder.

After a while sirens could be heard and as police arrived on the scene Henry began to talk to them. You were talked to by the police, looked at by paramedics and interviewed by a local news channel. It was obvious Henry was here only to put up a front that this was an accident and not planned. After a long while the police and emergency crew let you off by Henrys request. Now you were in your apartment looking at the interview that they did with Henry.

"This accident is an unfortunate one, everything in that building was reduced to nothing. I'm happy to say that one of our employees made it out safely and no other critical damage were sustained. Unfortunately, one employee remained stuck in that building. We have suffered a tragic loss at Fazbear Entertainment..." You watched apathetically having already been through your breakdown with Henry. You swore you told him everything yet it wouldn't be enough to calm that guilt and restlessness in your heart. He hopped that with everything gone, you'd eventually find peace and that the past could finally be put to rest.

It had been years, you just about made peace with what had happened. Yet like you always do, you always found yourself looking for things of the past. "Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizzaplex", your new job. You had worked here for a little over a year, having seen the development of animatronics. You were a security guard, you were quickly introduced to the animatronics, getting to know them. Their ai was convincing, they almost perfectly simulated being alive. This was a much better alternative than the horrible option of possession from the past.

You used to work the night shift, until she got more involved... Vanessa. She was the reason you were swapped from the night shift to the day shift. There were a handful of sketchy findings during the night shift and she had managed to pin the blame on you. Luckily you had the animatronics and fellow staff vouch for you, so instead your shift changed. Better than getting entirely fired, but your boss wanted to revoke your security acess. You had aready gotten a bad feeling about this place. The disapearances and strict security, you had managed to climb your way to the highest security access and you weren't about to let it go to waste. So instead of handing it over you made up an excuse, wether it was that you had accedienly left the card in your uniform as it was washing or having simply lost it, they seemed to have believed it, not prying anymore.

It was helpful to have it at hand, usually if you accidentally left something at work, you could always come back during the night shift to collect it. Vanessa hasn't caught you once, and the animatronics don't seem to question your access or the fact that you're there. You were grateful, until one night you had forgotten your storage keys while on your day shift. You had recently moved from your old apartment to your first house, had you been working the night shift you could easily get work out of the way while also having all day to unpacking. But seeing that this isn't how life was for you, you lost track of those keys to a rented storage unit. You had dressed up in you uniform before taking your security pass and shoving it into your pocket.

You slowly parked your car in the vacant parking lot of the Pizzaplex, god, it was so dark and eerie. The front doors had already been closed for a while, luckily there was always staff entries. You thank the heavens that they didn't confiscate your pass as the locked door unlocked with an audible click before you made your way inside the building. You could take a guess why Vanessa hasn't caught you, first off this place was huge, but you wondered if any staff actually looked over the security footage. You also had quite footsteps, years of experience from moving around your family home at night. What could you say, you needed those midnight snacks. It took a while before you had arrived at your office, sighing in relief as you aquired your keys, that was until you heard a noise approaching the office. You guessed it to be Moon, he'd always got a kick out of scaring you whenever you came in, even before the dayshift change.

"Okay okay, look I heard you from a mile away. So why don't you put your hands in the air mister?" You called out into the hallway seeing a figure... but that didn't look like moon. And correct you were, it was Roxy, but she was torn down. You were in such a state of shock as you saw her, that you almost didn't duck out of the way as she dashed at you. She sounded furious as she chased you, until you were able to baricade one of the doors. Taking in desperate breaths as you jogged away from the door, the sounds of her banging and crying muffleing with the noises of the Pizzaplex. The animatronics weren't supposed to be roaming around at all. What the hell was actually going on tonight?

This is how you'd spend the night, ducking away from the animatronics as you ran into them. They kept calling out for a kid, was there a boy stuck here? You had to get out, but more than anything, you wanted to figure out what was exactly going on. That was until you heard quick footsteps approach you, heavy ones. As you turned to look at the incoming animatronic, you gasped as Freddy came to a hault in front of you. He didn't look any better but he wasn't acting strange like the others.

"Officer! I didn't think I'd run into you tonight!"

"God! You scared me! And trust me when i say this wasn't planned at all. Anyway, can you mind explaining what the hell is going on? No ones supposed to be out of thier rooms, and whats all this I'm hearing about some kid?" You aksed as you looked up at the animatronic, hands on your hips as if you were interrogating a child.

"Officer, I'd love to tell you but... you're not working with Vanessa, are you?" He ased almost nervously before you heard what you believed was tapping in his chest. You brushed it off as something broken or any other logical explanation.

"No Freddy, I'm not. I don't like her, not since she got me booted off of the night shift, that and I'm not exactly supposed to be here either."

He seemed to be relaxed by your words before he had a sense of urgency. "Come with me to parts and service and I'll explain everything", he spoke as he already began to walk away, before starting to run.

You quickly followed after, making your way with him to the stage before descending to part's and service. As you both arrived there you looked over at him while catching your breath.

"So, why did we need to come down here for?"

"Just promise me you won't freak out..." You only blinked up at him before nodding hesitantly before his chest cavity opened, AND WAS THAT A CHILD IN THERE?! You've seen Freddy fit all kinds of cakes in there, but not a full kid. It took some coaching from Freddy for the kid to talk.

"Gregory, it's alright. You can trust this guard, I've known them for quiet some time. They'll help us!"

The kid introduced himself as Gregory, before he explained his situation and everything that's been happening throughout the night. How he was evading Vanessa and some strange white rabbit lady, that and that he's been upgrading Freddy. Oh, that explains the state of the others... and Freddy's purple hands....

You'd end up tagging along with the both of them until finally 6AM. God you were ready to just run out and get Gregory as far as you could from this place until he realized, Freddy couldn't come with. So you both stayed inside the Pizzaplex, trying to solve any other hidden mystery hidden in this place. After giving Freddy his final upgrade and much exploring you were all able to find an old elevator, with only one trip left in it. As you all descended, deeper down, with the music distorting, you couldn't help but feel that similar sense of dread building at the pit of your stomach.

You weren't sure what you'd run into while down there, but you most certainly didn't expect a wastland of inferstucture. As you and Gregory worked around trashed endos, you were finally able to get the generators up and running again, making your way over to what seemed to be a room with tables and a stage. Like a private showroom of shorts. Not only that but there was a gaping whole in the floor, that led to god knows where. Soon Gregory hopped inside of Freddy, a sight you were sure you'd never get used to, and began climbing your way down into this unknown. Freddy soon recalled that this place was familar to him, that she had brought him here, Vanessa. The more you heard of her, the more she left a horrible taste in your mouth.

The worst part was yet to come, you swore you could hear gushes of wind, but as you made your way down to the bottom, it wasn't just a broken vent. It was breathing. Large and monstrous inhales and exhales. Almost like a low rumble, on the verge of a growl. Like that thing was dormant. You weren't even sure what you were looking up at, it was nothing short of an atrocity. A mess of metal and wires, with the occasional Freddy Mask littered over its meshed body. And whatever Freddy was saying was definitely not helping. Soon the wooden planks underneath you began to tremble and crack, giving in to the additional weight as you all tumbled down into a different floor. As you got up from your rough landing, your ears ringing from the sudden noise and adrenaline, you shook yourself up and looked around... Another security office?

As you all apprached the desk, you say something moving throgh the cameras. Something getting out of a recharge station. As you took in its withered shape and remaining organs you gasped in horror at the sight before you. No, it couldn't be... He couldn't have survived. But he did, and the proof of that was his jagged movements on the cameras. William Afton had lived. You weren't wrong with your initial guess of his ever deteriorating mind, slowly slipping into madness. You could barely even recognize him as springtrap, less your father. No, this thing that stood before you wasn't your father, it was the furthest thing from him.

As you were frozen in place, just watching that thing move, Gregory made quick work of the other animatronics, shutting the doors on them or hiding from them. You noticed how Burntrap was rummaging through different rooms and different buttons were near their respective cameras. You preseed the button, and flames soon enveloped the room. You swore it was just out of curiosity the first time, but now you knew what you needed to do. You kept at it for as long as you could, that horrible creature from before slowly making its way into the room. Eventually the fires that were set off didn't go out, instead setting the Pizzaplex on fire. As Freddy and Gregory began to dash out of the Pizzaplex you couldn't help but look back one last time, seeing Burntrap reach out uselessly before getting taken away by that thing.

You could strangely still pitty him, before you turned on your heel and began to catch up to Freddy and Gregory, escaping the collapsing Pizzaplex. You had all made it out safely, albeit dirty. You managed to fit them both in your car, before speeding away from the location. The sky was slowly illuminating, signs that it was clearly morning.

"Hey... is it okay if we can stop to watch the sunrise?" Gregory asked after much of the drive being in silence. You looked over at him, after all you've been through, this was all he wanted? It was simple but endearing, you nodded before driving off to a park, it was huge, so there would be no problem bringing Freddy out woth you. Speaking of Freddy, he was beyond excited to see the world outside the Pizzaplex.

After a while of walking your little group made it to a hill with a single tree. You didn't realize how tired you were until you finally sat down on the grass. You heaved out a tried sigh, letting your hands feel the dewy grass. You looked over next to you, seeing Freddy and Gregory talking happily before they both quickly hushed as the first beams of the sun began to rise from the horizon.

It was breathtaking. It truly had been to long since you've appreciated such a small yet meaningful thing in your life. You finally allowed your mind to process what had happened, and you began to cry... had it been out of relief, happiness or grief was a mystery to you, but you felt odly at peace... maybe this could all finally be put to rest. Maybe this would be the end. You knew you'd still have to take care of Gregory and Freddy, that and look for a new job, but it all felt like it would be alright in the end.

back

[jessefandomunited]

Alone for Christmas

It's Christmas Eve and you realize that there is no way you'll be able to see your parents this year on such short notice. Luckily it seems like someone else dosent have plans either and it may just be someone you've had a crush on for a while.

Spencer x GN reader - no smut just probably some snuggles and kisses

Christmas had come too quickly this year, and while working at the BAU was rewarding it was ridiculously hard , especially during this time of year. I called my parents a few times and told them that unfortunately the case we were on was running long and I couldn't get a flight out in time. They told me that we would just have to have Christmas whenever I could make it over, which made me smile.

" hey did you hear ," Penelope asked as I slowly came back to reality. " Hu...oh uh no sorry I was spaced out," I said nervously. "Well they got him! They'll be home by Christmas Eve," she cheered . I smiled ," that's great but I literally have nothing to do now," I sighed leaning back in my chair. She thought a moment," well... I mean... Spencer is probably free." I could feel heat creeping up my neck, " so." She rolled her eyes," SOOOOO ask him out come on you have movie nights all the time what's so different about this?" " it's CHRISTMAS EVE that's the difference, I maybe will ask him to hang out but the last thing I want is for this to be a day where I lost my best friend due to a little crush," I insisted. She nodded," okay fiiine, me and my guy can drop by and give you some of the dinner I cooked , I always make too much anyway." I smiled," sure that would be great."

Everyone was back and I was drumming nervously on the strap of my back pack. I didn't think he would say no but my mind always jumped to the worst case scenario. " welcome back guys," Garcia greeted causing me to almost jump out of my skin. I looked up and locked eyes with Spencer. I forced a smile and waved. " relax," I heard Garcia whispering as she gently nudged me towards him. I walked over and said ," hey, how was the trip." " it was great we made better time than most trips, I thought we would be snowed in. You know the clouds are the best indicator a storm is coming" I was once again in the Spencer trance. While most people told him to hurry up or get to the point I was stuck enraptured by his words. His voice his passion everything, he was wonderful. " so do you have plans for Christmas," he asked. The question threw me off and I almost didn't answer, I didn't expect that he would bring it up. " oh.. no I wasn't able to get tickets in time," I said beginning to massage my hands to ease my anxiety. He looked a little surprised," oh... well you know I don't have any plans either so we could have a Christmas movie night, I still havnt given you your Christmas present so it'll be perfect." My head was swirling and I felt like I ascended to cloud nine," yes , yeah that would be fun, you know Garcia said she would bring over some food too." " great it's settled I'll go home and grab some clothes and I'll meet you at your place in an hour 35 most likely ," he said scooping up his satchel," see you then" I waved then slumped into an unattended chair, he actually said yes.

I got home and decided to quickly make some of the tub chocolate chip cookies I have in my fridge as something to snack on while we watched a Christmas movie or two. I also stressed out way more than I should have deciding what pair of pjs to wear. I had a limited option but what combo of old shirt and pj pant truly said I'm secretly in love with you. After that I brought out a blanket for the couch and started to heat up milk on the stove to make hot chocolate. Even if there was no dramatic confession I was excited to spend time with him.

Almost exactly as he predicted I hear a light knock at the door one hour and 35 minutes after we had left the BAU. He had an overnight bag and a huge grocery bag as well. " wow what's all this I said helping him with his things. " well I thought we could decorate gingerbread house while we were watching Christmas movies ," he said beaming. My heart almost melted , he brought a secondary activity. " oooOo cookies and hot chocolate," he said excitedly, " perfect! Have you decided which movie we're watching first?" I nodded," it's kind of embarrassing but I havnt watched white Christmas yet and I really love it." He nodded," that's a great choice I love those old musicals. If you want to start it up I'll get the gingerbread houses sorted." I agreed and put on the movie.

Soon enough we were annoyingly singing the songs while we made our houses and drank our filll of hot coco. I tried my best to make the house as good as possible but it still ended up pretty sloppy. After we migrated over to the couch and settled in. We watched the muppet la Christmas carol which Spencer insisted was a must , then home alone, and then we were both fast asleep.

I woke up to the smell of bacon wafting through the air and Christmas music was playing on the radio. I smiled and checked my phone before fully waking up. Garcia sent a text that said " merry Christmas I'll be over at about 11 TELL HIM" I said merry Christmas to her and maybe. As I sat up I noticed there was a plate of half eaten cookies by the small tree I had that now had two presents beneath it. I chuckled, " looks like Santa came aye?" He glanced over ," would you look at that he did!" " thanks for making breakfast," I said stretching. " no problem at all, Thankyou for offering your home to me," he said smiling . I took a cup and poured some coffee in before sitting at the table and gazing outside at the sparkling snow covering the roads, everything seemed so still. And I felt like I did need to tell Spencer, today, now. " hey uh Spence," I asked looking over . He had two plates that he picked up and plopped in front of each of us, " yes?" I poked at my eggs and took a deep breath before saying, " if I say this can you promise our friendship we will be there." He got a worried look on his face as he said , " it depends but I believe so." I swallowed, " ever since i met you I think .... I liked you, like .. maybe even loved. I've had some issues in the past so I didn't think you would like me back. So I hid it. But it's eating me up inside and I'm fine if you don't like me back we can still be friends but I had to tell you." He didn't answer and I risked a glance up at him. He was shocked and his face was beat red, " really?" I nodded anticipating a smooth rejection. " I thought ... you only liked me as a friend too, I ... feel the same way," he stumbled over his words but it seemed to be from excitement. My eyes widened," is .. is that a yes... are we like together?" He laughed, " yes please." We both got up and embraced eachother, I felt tears come out as we stayed there. We both pulled back a bit and kissed. It was better than I thought it would be. He was more forceful than I expected his hands pulling me closer to him, we probably would have stayed like that longer if it wasn't for a kick at the door. It was 11, garcia had impeccable timing. I walked over and opened the door to an overjoyed Garcia who hugged me immediately," did you do it." I nodded and her eyes lit up she looked from me to Spencer , " are you guys?" Spencer tried to hide a smile but also just sheepishly nodded. She squealed in delight and ran over to hug him to, her boyfriend trailing behind her with food and gifts.

The rest of the day was wonderfully lazy. We ate with Garcia and her boyfriend who left quickly after to see his parents. Then we made out a bit more before remembering our presents. We sat underneath the tree and exchanged our presents. I had clumsily attempted to make him some crocheted socks (mismatched of course) but I also got him a first addition copy of " the blind banker" which he was ecstatic about. For me he had remembered how much I loved his 4th doctor scarf and made me one too. I was over the moon and gave him the tightest hug I could.

The rest of the evening we put on various Christmas movies and cuddled and talked. It was wonderful. I was overjoyed at how well this turned out. I honestly could not have been happier than I was now



[jentasticart]

ok but I'm actually starting to get pissed off and annoyed with this weird family dynamic stuff they're doing in mk1 just to try to stop the gay ships that's been around for a while now.

like subscorp (Kuai x Hanzo), bitomas, subsmoke (Kuai x Tomas. I'm not too much of a fan of this ship but I'll mention it anyway) and shaoko, idk if there's anything else but lmk if I missed anything I guess.

but Imma mainly talk about my main ship here; bitomas.

I would like to add that I'm not a proshipper in any way cus fuck that shit. so don't frame me as one.

this is the only recent game where they're both in it together but they make them step bros yet I've seen people make mk1 subscorp and no one is really complaining about it and it gets a bunch of likes, which is WORSE than mk1 bitomas because it's ACTUAL incest. mk1 bitomas isn't incest, they're not related to each other in any way. they're not even the same race.

but yk what's not fucking fair? THAT THE SUBSMOKE SHIP IS MORE ACCEPTED THAN BITOMAS THAT THE ACTUAL VOICE ACTORS SHIP IT FFS

BI FUCKING DISMISSES IT, HE DOESN'T SEE HIM AS A DAMN BROTHER

BUT IN SUBSMOKE THEY ACTUALLY DO ADDRESS EACH OTHER AS BROTHERS, HOW CAN ONE BE ACCEPTED MORE THAN THE OTHER WHEN IT'S THE SAME DAMN THING

this is literally how I'm feeling rn about this

two people who ARE NOT related to each other in any damn way is NOT incest, doesn't matter if they grew up together or not.

so if two people were dating before and their parents got together and married, then those two people shouldn't be together anymore cus they would be step siblings? that's fucking stupid and you guys know it.

in a way they're doing the stupid thing like how some people think liulao is, yk the whole "they're cousins/brothers" but they're not, it was confirmed they're not but people don't wanna do their damn research.

all nrs cares about is the straight pairings and lesbian ones cus they don't get as much backlash as two men being together.

===.._ _..===.._ _..===

so I got a little hc/story for y'all:

sometime after the brothers' dad takes Tomas in, Tomas falls for Bi and his whole idolization for Bi is a coverup to try to hide his crush on him from Bi and Kuai. yes he gets close with Kuai as in best friends but he feels this is something he should keep to himself for now.

Bi wasn't actually always mean to Tomas, at some points he might have been cold to him sometimes but that's just Bi, just cus he was cold to him, doesn't mean he didn't care for him.

but then at some point Bi-Han fell for Tomas, probably starting in his teen years, but since he didn't know how to express it or deal with it, he acts how he acts towards him like how he does in mk1. it's because he never felt this way before towards anyone, let alone a guy. so he pretty much acts kinda like a tsundere in a way. keep in mind, even before this, Bi still didn't see Tomas as his brother and Tomas obviously didn't see him that way either cus of his crush on him.

all those years their feelings for each other got stronger and stronger, which made Bi more cold to Tomas, which was the time he told him that line in that one scene in mk1 about him not being brothers or Lin Kuei.

but after the betrayal of Bi-Han, while Kuai and Tomas were making the Shirai Ryu, Tomas snuck back to the Lin Kuei at night to see Bi-Han.

they fought because Bi started it, he did think Tomas was there to kill him or was there for some revenge but all Tomas wanted to do was talk. after the fight, Tomas managed to get Bi to stop.

they talked for awhile, Tomas asking the question as to why Bi-Han did all of this in the first place, why he was cold to him, why he got so much colder after all the years. Bi was hesitant to tell him, especially now since he thinks its too late to let him know the truth, he probably ruined all chances he had with him now.

but he did tell him anyway, he told him the truth, everything. from the very beginning to now. Tomas wasn't expecting this, he didn't think Bi felt the same way towards him but was he really telling the truth about the other stuff?

Bi-Han backed away after he told him, he understood that he might not believe his words anymore. Tomas stayed silent on Bi's bed, thinking, before he spoke and told him that he should tell Kuai this truth even if Kuai might not believe it.

he paused for a moment before he spoke, agreeing with Tomas. he then called him to Bi's bed, Bi was hesitant because he wasn't sure of it, he didn't know if he should.

after a few minutes, Bi joined him in bed and Tomas held him, confessing his love to him too, even after everything, he still has the same love for him like the first time he fell for him.

they wind up being together in secret for months as Tomas helped Kuai with the clan. during that time, Bi did told the truth to Kuai too and apologized for it. Kuai is a bit hesitant to forgive him right now but he will consider it. he will still work on his own clan as it still feels like the right thing to do.

===.._ _..===.._ _..===

so ye if you don't like it, plz just block me, cus Imma ship them since others are shipping mk1 subsmoke with little problems, I'm starting to not care at this point because of it but I will put tags you can block in those posts to not see it

[katakosmos]

i’m begging you to make a post with all the bartydora thoughts in one place PLEASE. I NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

so, i see them in a very specific context, where evan, pandora and regulus are a really close friendgroup, and barty is the last to arrive. this works in my fic (cause, yk, it's the whole plot), but it could also work at hogwarts: evan and pandora are sorted in two different houses and, since they're inseparable and even a little arrogant, they don't have any friends except regulus, and they have known him since childhood.

barty, on the other hand, is a popular guy. even if he's a ravenclaw like pandora, they spoke to each other probably three times in four years. he also, like the twins, has no friends: he just knows people. and many.

he has never been interested in regulus, evan and pandora, but when the first rumors start to spread at hogwarts ("that rosier almost killed a kid!", "look! he came back without an eye!"), he finds himself completely fascinated by them.

somehow, he makes his way within the group. he's different from all of them: he's smart, but he doesn't care about having good grades if he has to work hard to get them; he goes to parties; he has an horrible family too, but he never seems to think about his parents, he doesn't even miss them. he says he doesn't have a family, that he's alone but happy.

so pandora sees barty, and she realizes that her life can be different. that she can be free from the obsessive control evan has over her (cause yk how my evan is: violent, control freak, obsessed with pandora in an unhealthy way; he can't stay away from her even for a second, they sleep in the same bed, he believes that every boy who talks to pandora wants to take her away from him).

and so she thinks barty is a sign, and that he came to save her. she could absolutely get rid of evan on her own (and in fact she will, much later), but after years of control, during which evan organized everything in her life, she doesn't even know what it means to be free to choose and decide. so she needs barty. he's the key.

she thinks "if i make him fall in love with me, we'll marry and i'll be free".

the first time pandora shows who she really is to someone, that someone is barty. and he doesn't get it. doesn't get her. because barty is sure he already knows the real pandora, but he doesn't really see beyond what pandora wants people to see: a beautiful girl who always smiles, a doll, kind and gentle.

and also, we could say he doesn't really care. he just finds it reassuring to have a source of positivity at his side, and he's not interested in understanding who pandora really is. so while she desperately tries to be saved (do you see how absurd this is?), barty is completely obsessed with evan, he has fallen right into his trap. because evan isn't stupid, he understood very well what pandora was doing, and he took away her last escape route too.

(and evan then – poor boy, he didn't expect it – falls into his own trap, because he discovers he can't resist barty, and that wasn't his plan).

and barty turns out to be just another version of evan, so imagine pandora's disappointment.

this is what happens "behind the scenes" i would say, but in reality barty and pandora adore each other. he is completely devoted to the twins, and he treats pandora like a goddess. he loves her and he tries in every way to make her happy. pandora finds him very cute and funny; barty introduces her to parties (and also to xenophilius), and barty is actually one of the first people to treat pandora for who she is: a completely separate individual from evan, a girl with a different personality and different interests.

their relationship is not sexual. they kissed a couple of times, but laughing and joking, so they both knew it was not serious. is it just a friendship then? no, because they feel some sort of desire towards each other. barty would have sex with her, sometimes he dreams of it, but only because he knows it can never happen.

pandora is unattainable and this excites him.

(adding a pinterest board)

[blackbutlerfandomnerddomain]

Theory: Joker and Beast killed Doll's parents and Doll was born into a noble family

Okay yeah this was a weird thing to start with but I'll explain! Starters I mentioned this in a PM to @midnight-in-town about this theory but decided to finally write about it, this is a theory/headcanon I personally have you are free to not enjoy it or believe it cause this is my mind

So in Book of Circus episode 5-6 (I forget the actual number) when Sebastian seduces Beast is where this started. In the scene building up the two going back to Beast's tent when Sebastian said along the lines, "Why must you be with a man who only brings you pain?" and instantly it flashes to this scene which I took screenshots for this research;

This stuck with me.

Now I personally believe the additional scenes/scene changes, big or small, mean something from Yana to us. Like the added scenes of Doll and Ciel like Doll's conversation with Ciel once they got their tent for example. So in other words I don't feel like this was shown just for randoms.

Yet why do I think this scene is meant to be Joker killing Doll's parents? Cause he clearly loves her!

In the side story in the manga he tells the story of Doll's first loose tooth and how he was the one who suggested to look for work and then proceed to work for hours straight for one coin so Doll could believe the Tooth Fairy came.

He named Doll "Doll" cause to him he's precious

He clearly trusted Ciel enough to share a tent with her despite not knowing, same as Doll clearly trust him so much

Conclusion: Joker loves Doll. Probably much more than the rest of the circus group.

So this is the set up I have made up: Joker tracked down and killed Doll's biological family since compared to the others Doll went through worst. While everyone who was abandoned or wound up there was born with some sort of deformation or ailment, Doll was abused and horribly disfigured by her own family and then abandoned and she the youngest of the group so of course if they care for her they would probably kill them if they knew who they were... This could add some blackmail on Baron Kelvin on Joker. Cause Beast was right, they can easily run and if there were kids in the Workhouse they could just get them, not like Victorian orphanages had security, but Joker was very much firm to stay by Baron Kelvin most and even said "there's no turning back", maybe Baron Kelvin caught wind of the murder and promised to never tell a soul if he behaved.

Now the only evidence of this theory being the time period of the early circus years is the cloting

Joker's outfit reminds me of Joker's outfit in the official art-

But it also helps me pinpoint it takes place when Baron Kelvin went crazy-

See the ruffle collar?

The only difference is the hair, but I can argue this was still taken in early circus years.

Not to mention he looks rather... content/happy in this scene. I would assume his eyes would be wide or manic cause panic of being caught, not a soft look and a hint of a smile.

This theory alone was enough for me.

It was simple, it was easy.

Case close.

But then I looked at the background more to see why it feels... iffy...

This is when the second theory came in: Doll's backstory into weath.

First evidence, the painting:

I actually wanted to figure out if I can find the painting's possible inspiration or look alike but it's so blurry I can't even figure out what it is.

But anyways-

I did some research to see if owning a painting was a sigh of wealth then and turns out I may be right!

Okay so I can't trust the results but still-

So paintings are a lot of money, which still is a thing today, but there was art thieves in the Victorian Era so one can argue the ones in this home stole art. But I highly doubt someone was so stupid to hang their stolen piece of art up for the world to see.

Now onto the fireplace evidence-

It's rather large with even some engraving details if you enhance the image.

Okay, so in this time period there was pretty much fireplaces in every home, BUT the only those in the middle class and upper class had ones in a larger scale with some form of ornament or art on it!

Source

This became my official name in my coffin. This was the final say of this house is wealthy or middle class at best.

So then... what would this mean?

Well, I mentioned this theory with @freckledfenrir and a bit with @deadlystarchart in our PM chats before and in those logs I've mentioned (I tried to go through so if either of you lovelies can screenshot where I said this so I can add it later it'll be helpful!) a possible picture;

You see back then there were more cases of missing kids/kids who were seen and never mentioned again then we assume. Ciel and Sebastian only got wind of the circus kidnapping shit because someone noticed a pattern and Queen Victoria was sad. Hell even Scotland Yard had problems in this case too! Back then families can easily abandoned, kill, or simply hide away a child and no one could bat an eye. Especially when money is involved. (You thought the rich vs the legal system was corrupt now?) So in theory Doll was probably born with either a upper class or middle class family, but someone with lots of money. She was abused, this is sadly still canon, but sometime after burning her, her family abandoned her in the East End.

You know a crazy fact I wasn't going to know if not for this theory? Rich people actually lived in the East End!

So that means it would make it easy for the family to abandoned a poor wounded little child without suspicious people around. But to also add a tragic/fucked up layer they stayed in the area to constantly eye and maybe even mock the poor living conditions of their child.

This also gives Joker a easy access to see someone who either reminds him of Doll or maybe even see Doll react to a couple walking down the street, follow them home, remember that home, and when the night is perfectly still he alongside the rest of the circus troop, or just Beast, he broke in to make sure those people will feel the pain his precious sister felt and will never forget...

[gemini-sensei]

Alpha!Hawk x Omega!LaRusso!Reader Blurb

Fem!Pregnant!Reader ○ a/b/o au ○ @sensei-venus

CW: pregnancy, nothing more than that. (unedited)

After finding out about the pups, Hawk hardly ever left Reader's side. He never went home after that, just basically moved into Reader's room so they could be together even more of the time. After a few days, his parents called and asked where he was, to which he told them where and that they should come over because he's not coming home, and that he's not sorry about it. They'd understand if they came to the LaRusso's.

So they do, if only to try and bring their son home, but as soon as the door opened and they were welcome in by Amanda, the overwhelming scent of a pregnant omega hit their senses. The house was practically bathed in it. When they walked into the living room, that was where they found Hawk and Reader, as he fawned and fussed over her belly. It was pretty obvious to them what the ordeal was at that point.

He introduced them to Reader properly and the his dad took him aside to ask of he was sure about this, sure about anything. Hawk was firm in his response, eager to tell him even, that he loves Reader and their pups.

"Sure, we're young, but I know the most important thing right now is her and those pups."

They had a little more of that serious father-son talk while Mrs. Moskowitz and Reader were gushing over the pups. She had a little ultrasound photo showing off the three little dots she had growing in her belly, holding her belly with her other hand the entire time. It was no wonder she'd begun to show so early, triplets needed a lot of space and soon.

However, midway through her conversation with Hawk's mom, Reader grew needy. She looked around and chirped for her mate, hearing his voice somewhere in the house but unsure of where he was. He came to her with a rushed excuse me to his father, urgently needing to be by her side immediately.

When he asked her what was wrong, she just opened her arms and he smiled. The worry melted away and he sat on her other side and let her cuddle up to him. All was well. For the couple at least.

Hawk's parents were still a little started by the whole situation and his father was worried. Daniel ended up approaching him and they talked, talked about everything.

"I'm sorry he's been here this whole time, I'll play you back for it," his father said, taking a glance back at Hawk and Reader on the couch. The pair were gushing about the pups with his wife, who found the bright side of any given situation. "We had no idea about most of this. I mean, we knew he'd found a mate, but we didn't know they were this serious this soon."

"That would be the result of a synced mating cycle they somehow found themselves a part of," Daniel huffed. He had his arms crossed over his chest sternly, but as he watched the young mated pair from the next room over, it loosened. "I didn't like him for that. I still don't like him very much."

"It must be different to have omega children," Mr. Moskowitz mused.

Daniel appreciated the other alpha's attempt to see it from his perspective. "As their father, you try to do everything to protect them. You forget that at some point that job goes to their partner...

"Don't worry about paying us back. I'd rather them be here than trying to find their own place."

Mr. Moskowitz let out a sort of scoff, something between disbelief and astonishment. "I couldn't imagine sending them out into the world yet. Sure, they're not kids anymore, but they just graduated. They're still so young... they wouldn't know what to do in a place of their own yet, let alone with pups..."

"I know," Daniel sighed. He stared at Reader, watched the way she smiled and laughed. It was the happiest he'd seen her in a long time, probably since she first presented as an omega, and it was all because she was laying in Hawk's arms. "Part of me just wants to keep her close, the other part..."

"Might actually realize my son isn't as bad as you first thought he was?"

"Eli's not a bad kid... sure, he had some misguidance along the way, but he's a fine young man."

Mr. Moskowitz smiled proudly as he turned to watch the young couple for a moment. "I worked a lot, so maybe I let him stray away a bit, but he found himself. I couldn't have given him that. And now he's here, with your daughter, the happiest I've ever seen him."

"You know, I didn't ship him out of this country just because of that smile on her face, right?"

Moskowitz laughed. "I'm glad I never had an omega pup. I don't know if I could've handled the extra stress suitors give."

"I have two," Daniel signed. He turned his eye to Sam, who was helping her mother prepare dinner. "Funnily enough, she's the one I thought I'd have to worry about."

They shared a laugh though the atmosphere around them and their hearts were tense. All of the omegas and Hawk were happy, but the alpha fathers were stressed. They just hit it well.

The happy couple on the couch were blissfully unaware of what they were in for. It was going to be hard, especially for a pair so young. Three pups on the way. No home of their own. There was going to be a lot they were going to learn, but in that moment they enjoyed it all. Everyone around them were there for them, though they didn't say it out loud. Reader and Hawk had a lot of support around them.

[the-words-we-sung]

Thoughts and pictures - S3E3

The great rewatch of season 3 continues! And we're halfway through with episode 3. As usual, it's probably gonna get a bit long so proceed with caution 😁

And we're starting off with some big big pressure on Wilhelm, for a change... "I don't know if I can handle it" => ma'am, you're the queen, you're an adult, you're his mother. Get a fucking grip!!

How can she put so much pressure on her son's shoulders? I understand that she's unwell, she hasn't grieved Erik's death properly in season 2 so this break down was bound to happen I guess, but how can she (and Ludwig) just abandon Wilhelm like that? And not so long after his speech (and the "trial" with August). Did either of them talk to him about it? About this huge coming out he just did? About how brave he was? One day I'll write a post just about Wilhelm and his parents because I have A LOT of feelings.

And I don't know a lot about how a monarchy works but would Wilhelm really have to step up and replace his mother if she was suddenly unfit to lead, despite being 16? That doesn't make a lot of sense, does it? Especially in this case when Wilhelm has been Crown Prince for very little time (and even needs a special Crown Prince school during summer to learn his duties).

"You wouldn't have been able to handle it. That I can fuck up too" => oh Simon, my sweet sweet boy... I have to say that I really like his scenes with his mother this season, I really needed to see Linda actually act like a mom, and Simon to become more "real" with her. So I love their scenes and dynamic this season!

Is Wilhelm still seeing Boris? Or is he really all alone in dealing with his mother's health and everything else? My boy needs help...

I'm sorry but Simon with helmet hair is just the cutest thing!

But gosh their communication is just so awful this season... On one hand Simon frustrates me a tiny bit because I didn't think he would be so "naive". I mean, of course it must feel truly awful to receive to many hate comments, but he's a teenager who knows how to use social media so I would have expected him to know that these people are trolls and responding to them would lead nowhere? The people writing these are not interested in knowing him or the truth or anything, just in being nasty because it's easy to do so anonymously. But also I guess he's 16. He's super young, I'm probably expecting too much maturity here and not being super fair ><

And on the other hand, Wilhelm also frustrates me because he barely stops to listen and to actually see what Simon is going through. And yeah, he's got the crazy pressure from his family and his mother being unwell but still, he's being very selfish. And he has always had a tendency to be, but it's 10x worst this season ><

(Also why did he not say anything to these mean girls mocking Simon's song when they entered the music room together??)

I'm realizing now that truly, these Boris sessions with Wilhelm and August are really fucked up: the sessions with Boris helped Wilhelm so much last season, he felt safe enough to talk there, to be honest, and he was able to work through the hard stuff in his life. And now they put August there? The person who made him feel unsafe, who recorded him and leaked the video online. They put that person here in his safe place with him? Which might explain why there's no more therapy sessions for Wilhelm this season (outside of the ones with August). It's so fucked up...

Wilhelm is feeling so cornered...

And Simon is breaking my heart... Omar is such a good actor, he portrays sadness way too well, I wanted to cry almost every time I saw Simon in this episode. He's so depressed, thinking everyone hates him, it's hard to watch... Why did season 3 have to be so cruel to him?

It's hard to enjoy the sweet moments between them (this scene for example, which I forgot was gonna happen there :p) when we just had a sad Simon, bad communication between them, Wilhelm being mean to him... It makes it hard (for me) to enjoy the cute scenes because it just feels like a small band-aid put on a gaping wound ><

I really liked that we got to see Felice's dad again, and this scene is so important! I love Felice's decision to go without her dad and to be honest in the end. I still think she should have had a stronger storyline throughout the whole show. She's a great character and she deserved more!!

Sara and Micke singing in the car: 💛 "I'd rather have a papa with bad spells than no papa at all" => I don't know August... I guess it's the eternal dilemma..

Just because he looks so incredibly beautiful here 💜

This Sara and Micke conversation was so important and needed! I really liked that we finally got a bit more information about Micke and what happened to their family.

And another scene that I forgot was happening in this episode ^^' I got too used to seeing the cute (and hot) scenes from this season with gifs here that I know them without the context around :p

Why is it that every time something good happens to Simon this season, it backfires immediately and Wilhem makes him sad about it? 😩

3 more episodes to go, wish me luck >< This season is even more depressing than I remembered ^^'

[mrsparrasblog]

Highscool AU CoD Pt1

1 September 1990

Pt2

SIMON'S POV

"Your son will never be anything proper if he keeps going to that snob school," my father screamed at my mother as usual. It wasn’t like I wanted to go to that damn boarding school anyway; I didn't want to leave Tommy alone with my dad.

"He's got a full ride scholarship. Do you know how much money we're saving?" No costs for food for me, no hockey equipment, nothing; it was all paid for just so I could play hockey at this damn school.

"He's still with all these trust fund brats. These kids grow up with a silver spoon in their lives, he gets messed up and thinks he can study and do other crap."

"Jim, fuck off. Your son is going to be a hockey player, for fuck's sake."

I left the kitchen, walking back to my room, packing the last things I needed before taking the train to Exeter. The uniform mom bought me was two sizes too big. She said I would fit into it soon, but it wouldn't help my case that no one in this school wanted to talk to the scholarship boy. I just wanted to go to a normal school in Manchester, hang out with my mates, watch football with them, and not do hockey. I didn't want to become a professional ice hockey player, but I also didn’t want to disappoint mom, so hockey it is.

----------------------------------------

The train would leave in 10 minutes. My family and I already stood at the rail.

"I'm going to write you, Tommy, and I'll come back most weekends." Tommy clung to my legs, desperate for me not to leave again like last time. I knew dad would probably beat Tommy up again for being so emotional.

"Dad."

"Son."

We only nodded at each other, and then mom hugged me tight, not wanting to let go of me. I walked inside the train, searching for an empty compartment. Hopefully, there was no one from my school on this train. I needed this time to prepare myself for the hell I would endure for the next year.

----------------------------------------

I arrived at Exeter. The bus took me to my home for the next year: Northbridge Academy.

Around the gate stood all sorts of cars. Most students got driven here instead of taking the train like I did. Their cars would make dad fuss again about how posh this place is. Ferraris, Porsches, and Bugattis were the cars of the poorer students. They would probably laugh about Dad's Honda Civic.

My stomach growled. I knew it wouldn’t get food until the evening today in the mess hall. It was like a sort of ritual welcoming the first years, introducing them, mostly telling what their parents did for a living and which sport they would do in this school. I remembered last year when I was introduced: "Simon Riley. Mom's a nurse, and Dad's unemployed. He will join the ice hockey team."

At that point, I knew I would get bullied after hearing all the things about the other students in my year. There was one scholarship boy too, Johnny. I thought we would be friends, but because of him being the goalie of our football team, everyone loved him despite his parents only being farmers. Of course, he befriended Kyle, the most popular guy around. He was filthy rich and posh. The girls all fancied him. He played as a striker, and rumors said that he would, after graduating his A levels, play for Arsenal.

"Sod off, Riley. Go back to where you belong, mud," Tiffany said as she spat on me. Tiffany was the most popular girl, but rather than Kyle, she wasn’t nice. She was mean and hated my guts, always telling me their family worked hard to achieve this place at Northbridge Academy, while I got it gifted. So she made me deserve it in other ways by bullying me with her little girls squad. But who cared?

A giant approached me, giving me a handkerchief and speaking in the most broken English I've ever heard. "Are you okay, little one?"

"Yes, it's okay, mate." He only nodded and went away.

--------------------------------------------------------

I sat back in my class and listened to Ms. Lawson, our class teacher, telling us all about this year's classes.

"Let me introduce you to a new girl in the class. Come on, Ms. König," she smiled at a girl who shyly walked in front of the whole class with a batch of red velvet cookies in her hand.

She is incredibly beautiful, but she is a trust fund baby like everyone else. I could already see it; she wore a Chanel bow wrapped inside her blonde curly hair. She was taller than me by several inches; she was at least 5'3" while I only reached 4'11". But I'll be tall like my Dad someday, hopefully. She was a bit different than the other rich girls, though.

She wasn’t as skinny as them; she was a bit chubby. I never saw the problem in being chubby, but my classmates always made fun of chubby girls. Poor girl won't survive a second in this hell. The teacher told us that her Dad was the founder and CEO of Kortac. I didn’t know what this was, but judging by the way my classmates gasped, she must be filthy rich.

"Hello, I'm Elisabeth. Um, I moved to Cardiff with my brother and my mom. I was born in Vienna, Austria. I do ballet, gymnastics, and I like to bake," she smiled.

"Well, we see that she likes baking," Tiffany whispered to Laurie, both of the girls giggling.

"You should probably be nice to her, Tiff. Mom told me about Kortac," Jilian said, and Tiffany nodded. I didn’t know what Kortac was, but it sounded like something not good.

Elisabeth walked towards the back of the class, sitting at the table next to me. What just happened? She smiled at me, reaching out with her hands towards me. It took two minutes till I grabbed it and shook it. "I'm Simon."

"I'm Elisabeth. Do you want a cookie?" She smiled and almost stuffed the red velvet cookie in my mouth. It was delicious, like an explosion in my mouth. This was so nice from her; she probably didn’t know that it would be her social ruin being friends with me. Slow fantasies about having a friend in this school crept up inside my head. It was unrealistic, but a nice thought; even if she was a girl, better than nothing, right? She was nice, and her cookies were good.

"Thank you for the cookies."

"I'll always feed everyone."

"You should never feed a stray dog," I joked. If she only knew her cookie was the first thing I ate in two days.

"Hm, but I like collecting stray dogs," she laughed. A friend. I had a friend. I couldn’t mess this up.

The girls' squad approached us; they probably would humiliate me, and then she starts to laugh at me.

"König? You should probably reconsider your taste in friends; this mutt here is on a scholarship basis here." God, how I hated Tiffany.

"Oh, I think I'll have great taste in friends. I mean, I'm not friends with you," Elisabeth smiled. She looked so sweet, and now she was protecting me in front of Tiffany. My new friend was a feisty one.

"He is poor, don’t you understand?" Tiffany scoffed, disgusted.

"What do your parents do, Tiffany?" and for a second, I was afraid she is now influenced by the 5'5 tall skinny Louis Vuitton-wearing cunt.

"My father is a plastic surgeon, and my mother is a lawyer," Tiffany chimed proudly, only earning a laugh from Elisabeth.

"This explains why you can only afford Louis Vuitton. So, Tiffany, my Dad is richer four times than your family, so I'm more than rich enough for Simon and me together. So please leave before I punch your smug face." Her eyelashes fluttered, and a mischievous grin spread across her face. While Tiffany walked away furious, earning us the glances of Kyle's squad.

"Sorry about that. I'm normally nicer; I just don’t like bullies."

"Don’t apologize; that was bloody brilliant."

"So, Simon, which sport do you do?"

"Ice hockey."

"Wow, I loved ice skating as a kid."

"Why ballet then and not figure skating?" I asked her, curious. She would make a great figure skater; she walks so elegantly and doesn’t slop.

"School provides only partner figure skating, and I'm a bit too heavy for that," I didn’t want to agree with her; I would probably struggle picking her up. But I couldn’t even carry 25 pounds. Coach told me I need to work on my strength this month, before I could react and try to say something nice, something weird happened.

"Awright, I'm John Mactavish, mah loue," John never associated with me, and now he comes to my table to speak with my new friend.

"I'm sorry, John; my English, I don’t understand you," she looks at him with apologetic puppy eyes.

"Ah, sorry, I'm Scottish, but if you’d like some tutoring, I'd be available, Ellie?"

“Don’t listen to MacTavish; he almost failed English last year,” I remarked snarky. Normally, I tried to down my sarcasm at this school, make myself as small as possible, but alone, her laugh was worth making myself noticeable.

"Shut up, mate, you're destroying my chances with Ellie."

"I hate nicknames," she grumbled.

"We'll see about that, Bonnie."

"Elisabeth, not Bonnie."

Sure, here's the corrected version:

"You're funny, hen," he laughed before walking away.

"Is everyone so intense here?"

"Yes."

"You don’t talk much, do you?"

"Not really."

"So, I think we will have a great friendship," she smiled at me, and maybe this year won't be hell after all.

"How come you can call me 'Si' but don’t allow nicknames?"

"Because I'm pretty and funny, Si," she pointed her tongue at me playfully.

"Pretty, yes, funny, no, Lizzie," she blushed as I called her pretty; the pink on her cheeks looked cute. Wait, what am I thinking?

"Really, Lizzie?"

"Yes, Lizzie."

After the feast and for the first time in this school not sitting alone eating, I went to the male dorms. Last year, I shared my dorm with a bunch of older guys from the team; this year, I got new dorm partners. I walked into dorm 13B and read the paper on top of it.

Garrick - Perfect. Kyle the jock was in the room.

MacTavish - Even worse than Kyle.

Riley

Volkov

König- Wait, isn’t that Lizzy's last name? But she is a girl, right? She looked like a girl, at least.

Price - He once punched a bully in the face, so he was nice, I guess.

I walked inside the room, seeing that everyone was already unpacking their stuff in the bunk.

Kyle's corner was full of his football trophy and posters of Arsenal London; he took the most place in the closet he shared with Johnny. Of course, he was one of the wealthiest kids in this school; his parents owned several newspapers, shops, and his mother was the heiress of British Petroleum.

Johnny's corner was messy, the wall full of little doodles. I never knew he'd like to draw so much; most of his normal clothes were full of paint stains. It kinda made him more sympathetic.

Nik and Price shared a bunk, like I'd thought; their side was full of posters from Nirvana, Guns N' Roses, and Metallica. Nik's father was the CEO of Aeroflot, so the little plane model didn’t surprise me. John's parents were a curse; his father was on the way to becoming the Prime Minister of England, making the press watch every move of him.

I decorated my room with some ice hockey posters and a picture of me and Tommy; I needed to write him a letter, or else he thinks I've forgotten him. The door opened, and the nice giant from earlier walked inside; this must have been Lizzy's brother and my bunkmate now.

"Hallo," he said awkwardly, ducking his head under the frame. He must be over 6ft tall; I wondered how old he is.

"That's König, mates. He isn’t very good with his English, so fuck off if you complain about his accent," Price commanded; he was like his dad, a natural leader.

"Man, how tall are you?" Johnny asked, curious and, of course, he didn’t know any social clues, idiot.

"1.88 meters."

"That's 6'2" Nikolai explained, knowing the metric system because of his Russian heritage.

I just closed my eyes, ignoring the banter of my roommates, finally falling asleep in that uncomfortable bed.

I woke up in the middle of the night by a cry from under me; that's awkward. I never knew how to react in this situation, especially if a 6'2" guy cries.

"Shh, Elli, es ist nur ein Traum. Ich passe auf dich auf. Sie finden dich nicht; du bist sicher, okay?" (It's just a dream; I'll protect you. They won't find you; you're safe.) It wasn’t his cry; it was Lizzy's. That made it only worse; I didn’t know if I could say or do anything, so I only listened to her sobs, like the weak boy I was. Dad was right; I am useless. I have a friend for one day, but when she is upset, I'm hiding in my bed, listening to her cry like a bloody coward.

The next morning, I went to the mess hall, sitting down next to Lizzie. I had a table now; I was finally inside of it.

"Ach du scheiße—what are you eating?"

"Uh, beans with toast and hash browns."

"That's disgusting," she sniffed.

"Did you even try it?"

"No."

"So why do you think it's disgusting?"

"It looks funky, and breakfast should be a hot roll with some homemade jam or maybe a butter pretzel."

"That sounds German."

"Austrian."

"So why are you eating cereal then?"

"They looked funny," she gestured at her fruit loops and smiled at the bright colors, giving me the spoon so I could taste it. It was an unfamiliar gesture, and she kinda behaved differently than the other rich girls; she behaved carelessly.

"Aye, scoot over, Simon," Johnny sat down at our table with his tray full of sausages and eggs, taking Kyle with him. Both sat down next to us; I felt like I was stuck in a parallel universe.

It got even worse when König, Nik, and John joined the table, making our table completely full. I didn’t like the new size of our friend group. Yesterday, I had only Lizzie, and now I'm stuck with five blokes.

"I'm John Price, by the way," he took Lizzie's hand and gave her a handkiss, making her blush and giggle, while König gave him a death glare. "No touching my sister."

"So, König, which football club do you like?" Kyle asked.

"FC Bayern München, you?" the giant answered.

"Arsenal will play for it someday," Kyle said proudly.

"Manchester United."

"Aye, Celtic FC."

"Of course, a Scottish club," I muttered.

"They're great."

"Tottenham Hotspur," John said proudly, and everyone besides Lizzie started to laugh.

"Mate, no, that's embarrassing."

"Shut it, Garrick."

"If I play for Arsenal, I'll beat Tottenham every day."

"You sure will," John rolled his eyes.

"Elli? Do you fancy a club?"

"I don’t like football."

"What the fuck?" everyone shouted at once.

"It's not hard; it's boring. Try gymnastics or ballet; that's a real sport, and not something where you whine because someone crossed you, stealing your ball," Johnny's and Kyle's faces fell down; how dare she insult their precious sport. It was actually funny how she had all her opinions and was never afraid to spit them out.

"You can come and watch my next rugby game; that's a real sport," John winked at her.

"No flirting with my sister, no touching my sister, no dating my sister until 18," König looked at John with his intimidating facial expression, ready to tower over all of us.

"Eighteen is a bit too early. Oh no, I never date at all; I'll grow old with a bunch of kittens," she smiled while fiddling with her bow in her hand.

"That's a loss for me, hen," poor Johnny will probably get beaten up by the end of the year if he doesn’t stop flirting.

"Why is your bow not in your hair, Lizzie?"

"Tiffany made fun of it, and she was right; it's childish."

"Du liebst deine Schleife?" (You love your bow?) Without a word, I stood up and took her bow and placed it on top of her head. This bow was probably more worth than my mom's paycheck, but still. She is my friend, so I need to be there for her like she protected me yesterday.

"Tiffany is a cunt; you want that bow, you wear that bow." The table agreed with my comment and enjoyed their food.

"What's your next subject, Si?"

"Chemistry."

"Me too," she said and grabbed my hand, pulling me with her to the next class.

[panfluidme]

Taken Away Forever

Martin squeezed his eyes shut as he gripped his bleeding stomach. The knife in his side really caused pain to course through every inch of his body and made his face pale and his forehead sweat. He knew he couldn't remove it so he didn't bleed out as fast as he would if it was taken out.

He hated that he was alone. He had always been afraid of dying alone, and that seemed that was going to be the case. Which was absolutely terrifying. He wasn't supposed to die until he and Chris were much older. Not at twenty-four. He still had so much things to do...

Despite the fact they had stabbed him, Martin couldn't bring himself to hate them. He knew that sometimes, desperate people did something they didn't want to do to keep themselves fed, sheltered, or having clothes on their back. Sometimes even to do those things for someone else, usually their child. 

That didn't mean he wasn't scared, because he was so scared. He was so scared of leaving Chris and the rest of the crew. He was scared that he would never get to make things up to Chris, that he wouldn't get to hold his brother again. He was scared that he would never creature adventure again; there were still so many creatures he hadn't seen yet. He was scared that he would never get to see his parents again, never get to tell him that he loved them.

Martin shifted— he didn't know why he did it— and gasped out in pain. Every inch of him just exploded in more pain. Tears welled up in his eyes, but he tried to keep them down. If anyone found him, regardless of who they were, he didn't want to be seen crying over something so... unimportant.

"Fuck, this hurts." Martin wasn't usually one to swear, but it slipped out. It made him feel dirty when he swore, so he had a dislike for it. He didn't care when other people swore (though, he did tease Chris and tell him not to swear whenever he did). 

He reached for his communicator, but found that it was missing from where he normally kept it. He felt around to see if he could find it, to see if it was put somewhere new in the rush of him leaving to get fresh air in the city. But Martin couldn't find it.

Fear built up inside of him. It swirled with anger at the person and himself for the briefest moments before being replaced with regret. He wouldn't get to finish his animal life list. Martin wouldn't get to tell his brother that he loved him one last time.

Martin slowly opened his eyes, the street light blinding him. He has always been more sensitive to light than most people, but it was only amplified by his pain. Sure, the sensitivity was annoying at times, but he had ways to deal with it and it was what it was.

He tensed up when he heard footsteps approaching. He turned his head away and shut his shut, scared that whoever it was would finish him off. That or hurting him more then leave him to die when they saw that he didn't have a wallet or any money on him anymore. He probably did have expensive equipment on him, but the person wouldn't know that.

They put their hand on his chest, a familiar, yet unfamiliar smell coming from them. It was surprisingly comforting. "Deep breaths, hun," the stranger spoke softly. "I'll call an ambulance here soon, just keep breathing. You're doing great."

Martin slowly opened his eyes again. "Who are you?"

"My name is Martha Zacks." She looked familiar somehow, like she could've been related to someone he knew, but he couldn't place it through the pain. "What's your name?"

"Ma-Martin Kratt."

She nodded with a comforting smile. "How long ago were you stabbed, Martin?"

"Ten min-minutes ago."

Martha nodded again and called 911. She answered every question they asked calmly, keeping her jeweled hand on his chest to feel his heart beat. It was slowing, but it was still there. That was all that mattered to her.

"They'll be here in five minutes," she informed after hanging up. "They'd be here sooner, but the hospital isn't very close. Your job is to stay awake and keep breathing. Do you think you can do that for me, hun?"

Martin hesitated before nodding. "I think so..."

He hoped so. There way no way in hell he was going to leave Chris and the Crew like this. Especially without saying any kind of goodbye. They all deserved to have one if he really was coming to his end.

The blond didn't want Chris' last memory of his older brother to be of them fighting. It had been a really nasty one that ended with Chris loudly making the false claim of hating Martin, a statement that Martin knew wasn't true, but still stung to the core. Martin ran off to get some fresh air and cool down.

Which led to this situation. Stabbed and bleeding out in a city, and Martin hated cities, much preferring small towns or  the wilderness. There was a stranger there, so Martin wasn't truly alone, but he still felt alone. Martin wanted his baby brother, to hold Chris close and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

He saw a blinding light at the top of his vision while the rest darkened. Martin was vaguely aware of Martha swearing and saying something else, but his mind blocked it out. He was so very tired...

Chris was reading in his room to help himself calm down. Thirty minutes ago, he and Martin had gotten into an argument over something that really didn't matter. But things had been getting tense around the Tortuga since they had to quarantine while everyone was sick. Martin and him had been stuck in the same room for just over a week. So just the want for the only copy of a power disk caused an explosive fight.

Someone knocked on the door, bringing the brunet out of his book. He scoffed and stomped over to the door, swinging it open. "Not now, Martin," he growled angrily, not bothering to look at who it was.

"I'm not Martin," Aviva said softly. Tears rolled down her cheeks, but for once, Chris was too angry at everything to really care. "Can I come in? It's important."

Chris moved to the side, rolling his eyes. He assumed that she was hear to talk about the fight. "I'm not talking to Martin, nor am I apologizing to him."

Aviva softened and sighed. "Chris... Martin's dead."

His heart stopped beating for a moment, sinking down to his stomach in dread. "He's what?"

"He died ten minutes ago. Martin had been mugged and stabbed. A woman called an ambulance that arrived right after his death. They tried everything they could do to bring him back."

"No. He can't be dead," Chris denied. "He was fine an hour ago! Martin ca-can't be gone." He hid his face in his hands as a sob shook his body. It was such a heartbreaking scene. Not even a minute ago, Chris was so angry, he wanted nothing to do with Martin. Now he was crying and trying to deny his brother's death.

No matter how upset with Martin he was, Chris never wanted him to die. They were best friends. They rarely argued, and when they died, they would take some time to cool off and then talk about things. Which always had cookies and hot chocolate or chocolate milk. That can't be gone forever, it can't have been taken away forever. 

Aviva put her hand on his shoulder. "I know, Chris. I know it hurts. I know you don't want to accept it, but you deserve to know that he's gone. I know he loved you more than anything."

"The last thing I told him was 'I hate you'. I didn't think he was going to die, and I-I didn't mean it. He died thinking I hate him, but I've never ha-hated him."

"I know you didn't." She looked at him in concern then opened her arms. "Do you need a hug?"

He nodded and fell into her arms. He broke down, allowing himself to sob without holding anything back. His role model, his best friend, was made all because he needed to get fresh air after an argument. After an argument with Chris. How was he supposed to ever forgive himself?

Chris felt so foolish and upset at himself. He let a creature power disk that he had wanted take his brother away for the rest of his life.

Part Two

[turrondeluxe]

Hey ik on that "equally distribute the horrors" post, a lot of people were talking about Mikey needing horrors (tbh he deserves some, they all need equal rights to the horrors.), but I've never seen anyone even talk about the horrors for Raph? Maybe that's just me and my web experience tho. (If you have any examples of Raph dealing with the horrors pls list them, my cousin ((who also says Mikey needs more horrors, at least)) and I are desperate)

ah that's probably because i specified mikey in the tags because im a mikey enjoyer who is followed principally by more mikey enjoyers teeheee

but huh

i guess i understand what you mean

in terms of Raph Horrors™ we have

mmmm i unfortunately won't include every single horror from every single tmnt iteration out there. there's too many for me to remember all the specific raph horrors from each of them rn so i'll just list some random ones off the top of my head 😺

Feel free to add more to the raph horrors list! lol

Mirage

- Raphael gets progressively demutated and basically reverts to a normal turtle for a while

(the panels of when this was happening were actually very emotive and made me cry) he does say this when he's back to normal which i find very funny tho

90's movies

- Raph gets beaten the fuck up and then gets thrown trough a skylight. He's then placed in a bath tub while he heals (Leo is the one who never leaves his side on this iteration)

2003

- Nearly injures Mikey greatly with a metal tube because of anger (He feels really bad about this and i def think this moment never truly left his brain ever)

- Getting kidnapped by footbots, getting interrogated by Hun

- All the fights with shredder or karai/all the injuries gotten in all the fights with shredder or karai

- Same As It Never Was Raph

- Watching his injured older brother get thrown to a window and watch said older brother heal from his wounds

- Seeing himself as the shredder/ thinking himself as the shredder

- Got his home raided countless times

- Getting separated from his younger brothers + dad in one of said times and waiting alone in the surface without knowing if his family even made it out alive

- Witnessed dad get disintegrated

- Brainwashed (actually getting infected with a digital virus but eh). Him and his brothers are foot ninjas for an unspecified amount of time (maybe days). During this, shredder sends the brothers to the most mortal/difficult missions in hopes that they die under his command.

- Getting thrown into the future (Raph is the one brother who hates this event the most lmao)

2007

- Witnesses older brother get kidnapped and blames himself for it

2011 IDW

- Raph gets separated from his family before mutating. Spends years homeless and by himself before his brothers find him again (this forever makes raph feel that even if he's with his family. he somehow doesn't belong)

- Right after getting mutated he spent some time being cared by Buck (blind homeless guy that is the first person ever/parent figure that's nice to Raph). Watches Buck get beaten to death. (Possibly. Buck did survive but i can't remember if he did die because of his injuries. still. traumatizing to raph that was still fairly new to the world)

- Forced to be family warrior/protector (he doesn't want this, he just wants to be a farmer man 😔👊)

- Witnessed shredder stab Casey (Raph's bestie/first ever friend that he relates to)

- Had to fight against brainwashed brother (Foot Leo)

- Witnessed Donnie's corpse (would def fuck u up if you feel like the protection of your family is your responsibility)

- Gets kidnapped and experimented with/tortured

- Dad dies, rip 🕊️

2012

- Losing Spike (he literally stayed 15 years underground with only his family for company. spike meant so much to him)

- Watching mikey get hurt because of his bad leadership literally made him freeze up and not know what to do at all

- The whole scene of splinter letting his brothers insult him. what the hell 💀

- Fighting his (brainwashed/hypnotized?) dad

- Cockroach mutant

- THE FUCKED UP SQUIRRELS

- Watching his older brother get thrown trough a window (the sequel). And watching said older brother be extremely injured.

- Leo 3 month coma

- GETTING TURNED INTO A PLANT?

- Brainwashed via worm that ate all the way through his skull and into his brain

- Dad dies, rip 🕊️ the sequel (this happens quite a bit in the series) and hil being in the front row of how splinter gets mortally wounded and then thrown off the roof

- Fighting his family while brainwashed

- kidnapped and being put into an oven to die (and would have died if leo didn't go ham and destroyed his enclosure)

- Witnessed someone kill himself while he was actively trying to prevent it

- Witnessing the death of both two little brothers

- Witnessing older brother nearly die. Again (Again. this happens quite a bit in the series)

- the whole mutant bomb apocalypse holy shit

theres def more that im forgetting mb

Bayverse

- Home gets raided, the sequel

- All brothers get kidnapped except for him

- BROKEN SHELL BECAUSE OF SHREDDER AND HE JUST KEEPS GOING???? please..............take one second to rest THATS YOUR SPINE

Rise

- Eldest sister syndrome

- The fucking bunny plushie that I've forgotten the name of (his siblings were so mean for no reason at all that ep 😭)

- Rise shredder

- Having to forcefully remove his family from deathly situation even if it meant leaving a beloved family member behind (he prob blames himself about karai ....augh)

- Kidnapped/taken hostage (?)

- Kraang Brainwashed

- Having to fight younger brother while brainwashed

- Apocalyptic Kraang Future

The last ronin

- Died for literally no reason at all . fly high king 🕊️

Mutant mayhem

- Getting kidnapped (quite violently too)

- Milking Machine

- Getting shell cracked from being squished too hard

[draco-dormiens]

THE STRANGEST OF PLACES - Chapter Six

draco x fem!ravenclaw reader / postwar au series

warnings: nothing really :)

wc: 3068

masterlist

pls let me know if you want to be tagged!! tags below:

@slyth3rin-princess @lovesanimals0000 @cappgyuccino @lightning1ce @onlygetaway @honeyyypeach @namelesslosers @ghostyv @mikadorbs @redactedhimbo​ @morganadpl @scarecrowscaresthomas @camille-1019 @valkyrie418 @animeloverfreak310 @budugu @marplest

Chapter Six - Slughorn's Verdict

Platform 9 ¾ was as busy as ever, familiar faces and those you had never seen before bustling about. Your mother was beside you, going over and over the list of things you needed. Draco had told you not to worry about the potions, he would bring them along with his things if you took care of the notes, which were stashed away safety in your suitcase.

"Right, you have all your books, yes?" your mother asks for the umpteenth time, "I wouldn't like to buy them again, Y/N, they cost an arm and a leg."

You were listening, or maybe you were subconsciously listening, because your eyes were everywhere but your mother. Since your last visit to the manor, you hadn't heard a thing from Draco, but then again you weren't sure why you had expected to. Just because you had buried the hatchet and started to get along didn't mean he had to contact you, even if you did reach out. Suppose that somewhere deep down, you were just really hoping he would respond.

"Y/N?" your mother repeated, wafting her list in your face, and you blinked out of your trance.

"Oh, sorry, mum," you say, "yes, I have everything, I swear."

She gives you an unimpressed look, and then from the corner of your eye you spot him, both of his parents standing nearby. He seemed to be looking over the new timetable, which you had all received by owl a few days earlier. There didn't seem to be much conversation between them. Your mother follows to where you're looking, and clocked the white-haired boy, a smile curling at her lips.

"That's your potion partner, am I right?" she asks, looking back at you with a glint in her eye. You turn your attention back to her and start to feel exposed under her gaze.

"Yes, and?" you say, taking the list from her hand to distract yourself and cover the tinge on your cheeks. Your mother chuckles gleefully, which only makes you feel worse.

"And nothing," she said airily, but you could hear the teasing smile on her face, "I was just saying."

You lower the list to look back over at him. His mother was pressing a kiss to his cheek whilst his father stood sour faced beside her. He places a hand on Draco's arm, and Draco nods in return, before taking his suitcase and boarding the nearby carriage.

"I should probably get on," you suddenly say, and your mother snaps her head your direction, "don't want to miss a good spot."

"With your friend, you mean?" she looks at you knowingly.

"What? No, I just don't want to end up standing. Stop, mother. You're embarrassing."

She only laughs, pressing a kiss to your face before cupping your cheek softly.

"Have a good term, my love," she tells you, "Make sure to write."

The train was packed as usual, and with the extra seventh year students it was even more so. You boarded at the same carriage he did, hoping to casually walk past and have him spot you. Merlin, you felt like a child who wanted to sit by their crush on the school bus. It was almost embarrassing how much you wanted him to notice you. Searching the carriage, you eventually seek him out, sitting alone in an empty compartment and a book his hands. He seemed focused, and you hesitated in knocking on the window, but your hand reached out before you could think. Draco lifts his head at the sound, and upon seeing you waving through the glass, he smiles, shutting his book and gesturing for you to enter. Sliding the door open, you drag your suitcase in and stand before him.

"Hi," you say breathlessly, and he stands.

"Hi," he returns, reaching around you to grab your suitcase, "I'll put this up here for you."

He swings the suitcase up onto the top shelf above the seats, and then plonks back down, expecting you to follow. You sat opposite, thanking him, and took off your coat.

"How have you been?" you ask, and he shuffles in his seat to lean forwards.

"Fine," he says with a faint smile, "how about you? Good New Year?"

"It was alright," you shrug, swinging your legs slightly, "tad boring, but hey ho. What about yours?"

His mind flickers back to that night, how utterly miserable he felt as Pansy pulled him to the dance floor and swung her arms around his neck. He thought about the wine, and how it suddenly tasted bitter, and how Pansy's lips pressed against his cheek in farewell. Then lastly, how he confronted his mother about inviting Pansy with no notice, which only led to an argument before bed. He shudders.

"Uh, yeah," he says, scratching his neck again, "just the same as every year, really."

You nod and look down to your hands, fiddling fingers. There was so much you wanted to say, but now that he was in front of you it had all slipped away. He leans back in his seat and takes his book in his hands again, turning to the page he left off at. You take that as a signal he was done talking for now, so relax back into the cushioned seat and watch as the train pulls out of King Cross. The train speeds by fields of green, lines of trees becoming a blur and tunnels blocking out the beautiful countryside each time it passed through one. Draco peers up from his book to see you had fallen asleep, and a smile curls at the corner of his mouth. You looked peaceful, a ray of sun across your rested features and head resting against your hand. In fact, you looked rather sweet when you slept, long eyelashes fluttering against your cheeks and the little sigh each time you moved slightly. He found himself looking at you for some time, enough time to make himself feel weird about it, so he stopped and tried to go back to his book. You make a noise, and he looks over to see you've bought your knees up to your chest, so now you were curled up against the seat. He laughs through his nose at how unaware of your actions you were, comfortable enough in his presence to fall asleep without worry or hesitation. If it made his heart swell, he'd never tell you. Soon enough the sweets trolley rolled around, and even the woman's voice didn't wake you. Draco reaches into his pocket to buy a box of cauldron cakes, passing the money over and taking the treat, but not without noticing some rather delicious looking fudge flies. He looks back at your sleeping form and pulls some more change out of his pocket.

"And the fudge flies, please," he says, smiling thinly as the lady passes them over. He slides the door shut and pops the fudge flies into the pocket of your coat, before sitting down to enjoy the entire tray of cakes to himself.

—————————-

You were woken by a gentle nudge, opening your eyes to see Draco standing above you.

"We're at Hogsmeade," he tells you, "I already got your trunk down."

Stretching, you yawn into your hand and collect yourself, realising this was the second time you had fallen asleep in front of Draco.

"Sorry," you mumble sleepily, "thanks for that. What a boring carriage buddy, huh?"

He chuckles softly.

"Not at all," he smiles, and you share a long moment looking at one another when Hagrid's bellow from outside the window causes you to break it. Draco slides the door open as you gather your coat and trunk, wheeling it down the corridor and out onto the platform. Just as you step foot on the concrete, you hear someone calling your name from amongst the crowd. It was Hermione.

"Y/N!" She calls, and your face lights up at the sight of her, rushing towards you and abandoning her trunk to pull you into a hug, "it's so good to see you."

You embrace her back, swaying from side to side and smiling from ear to ear.

"It's so good to see you too," you tell her, pulling away, "seems like forever since I saw you last."

"I was going to sit with you on the train, but I couldn't find you," she says, picking up her suitcase and wheeling it alongside yours. Just up ahead, you spot a blond head of hair mixing in the crowd, and a sudden feeling of guilt sets in.

"So, how was your break?" Hermione asks as you walk together, your eyes searching but never finding him ahead. The frost is still fresh on the ground, the leaves and twigs crunching under your feet and the wheels of your suitcases. The forest air is fresh, icy, and you can feel it in your lungs when you breath in, along with the scent of pine tickling your noses.

"It was quite good," you laugh, "considering."

"Malfoy didn't cause you too much trouble then?" she laughed along with you, and you purse your lips together and shook your head.

"He wasn't anything like I imagined him to be," you say, looking across at Hermione and smiling, "I think we'll get a good grade."

She returns the smile, and then someone ahead announces the castle in the distance, and you both look ahead to see the magnificent building emerging through the trees. It was odd, but whenever Hogwarts was in sight it felt like coming home. Hermione seemed to feel that way too because her eyes began to sparkle upon seeing it. You put your hand in your coat pocket, feeling something inside, and pull it out to see the box of fudge flies. You bite your lower lip to avoid the grin that was threatening to spread across your face.

__________________________

Inside the Great Hall was warm, with the fire blazing and the sconces flickering. Professor McGonagall gave a speech to welcome the students back, as well as some announcements before the glorious feast appeared along the tables. A piping hot roast is just what you needed after such a cold walk there, and then a huge dollop of chocolate gateau for afterwards. Hermione was sitting with Ginny on the Gryffindor table, chatting, and giggling amongst themselves, whilst you sat with some familiar Ravenclaw students making small talk. Across the hall sat Draco, who had noticed you some time ago, but you were too interested in the gateau. As soon as Hermione caught your attention, he knew you'd much rather walk with her and took his leave. He was foolish to forget that you had a life here, unlike himself, and of course, that's where you would rather be. Like he normally does, he pokes around at the food on his plate, sitting at the farthest end of the table, alone.

Due to his reputation, the younger students avoided him, and those that he knew had decided against talking to him this year. Sometimes the sister of his old classmate Daphne Greengrass would speak to him, but only because she was a favourite of his mother's and a feature in her long list of suitable women. Astoria had the poise and grace of a queen, and she was undeniably beautiful, but Draco didn't have a romantic interest in her to his mother's utter displeasure. He glances down the table to see she's looking at him, and Astoria waves with a smile. Draco gives a small wave, before going back to pushing the peas around his plate and sparing glances to where you were sitting. If only he had the courage, he could go over and sit with you, but that would mean others would see and start talking. Draco hated people talking. It was all anyone ever did when it came to him, and then he saw Hermione plop down next to you and the look of pure happiness on your face upon her arrival. He takes his napkin and throws it on top of the uneaten food, taking a blueberry muffin from the centre for later and putting it in his pocket. He was calling it a night and left the hall before anyone else. From the corner of your eye, you see him leave, and your eyes stay on the door, even after he's long gone.

The next afternoon you had Slughorn, and it was time to hand in your winter break projects. It might have been a little sad, but all morning you had been looking forward to talking to Draco once again, as he hadn't said one word to you since the train pulled into Hogsmeade. You walked happily along the dungeon corridors with Hermione, turning into the potions classroom to see him sitting at the back as he usually does, and beside him is the little box he kept your concoctions in. Inside you feel elated to see him, even if he always looks like someone stole his lunch money. He happens to lookup as you enter, and he shares a small smile with you.

"Hey, 'Mione," you say as Hermione heads for your usual spot, "I think I'm going to sit with Malfoy, seeming as we have to present the potions today."

She looks surprised for a moment, but then agrees it's probably a good idea, and then makes her way to the seat beside her partner, Neville. You walk over and place your bag on the desk, grabbing his attention as you hop onto the stool next to him.

"Hey," you say cheerily, getting out the notes you were keeping safe, "I thought it was best for us to sit together today."

"Oh, right, yeah," he said, making some room for you as his stuff was spread out. No one ever sat near him, so he'd gotten used to using the whole desk, "how was your first night back?"

"Great," you beam, "the food was good, and I'd forgotten how much I miss some people."

He nods stiffly, and you realise that perhaps wasn't the best thing to say. You want to say something else, but Slughorn enters with his usual bellowing voice.

"Good afternoon returning seventh years," he says with open arms, "splendid to see you all here, I trust you all had a fantastic Christmas?"

There was a mixture of nods and unamused grunts, but Slughorn usually looks over any negativity and continues being the only excitement in the room.

"Stupendous," he exclaims happily, "now, today I shall be looking at the wonderful potions you have been brewing over the break. You will be called up pair by pair to present them. Let's begin."

Hermione and Neville were up first. Of course, with Hermione as a partner, they were bound to succeed. Slughorn takes each vial and places them close to his eye, and then proceeds to sniff each one and shake it vigorously. Hermione was eager to explain what each one was and did so despite Neville not speaking a word.

"Very good," Slughorn says, "an E for the both of you, Exceeds Expectations!"

Hermione didn't look overly pleased, but Neville sat down with a huge grin on his face. She went to argue the case, but Slughorn interrupts.

"Thank you, miss Granger, that'll be all," he announces, and Hermione takes her wounded pride back to her seat as Slughorn calls up the next pair. You offer her a thumbs up, but she just gives you a look like a kicked puppy. A few more pairs go up, a couple of them ending with a Poor and one getting a Troll before he finally calls you and Draco.

"Miss Y/L/N and Mr Malfoy," he gestures for you to join him, and you rush to gather your notes, Hermione giving you a reassuring smile as you pass by. Draco places the three vials before Slughorn, and he makes a rather pleased noise.

"Um, these are Amortentia, Felix Felicis and Draught of the Living Dead, sir," you tell him nervously, and Draco nudges you and mouths it's okay. Hermione notices.

"Marvellous," Slughorn mutters, sniffing, prodding, and shaking the vials, "simply marvellous. I say, miss Y/L/N, Mr Malfoy, this Draught of the Living Dead is very good. I reckon you could sleep through the next millennia if you were to take it."

You smile triumphantly, and Draco sees how happy you look from the corner of his eye. It makes him feel good, to see you so pleased. Slughorn places the three vials back down and looks up at you both.

"O, for Outstanding, to the both of you."

Your mouth drops open, and Draco begins to smile at your expression. Slughorn dismisses you back to your desk, Hermione clapping quietly as you pass by grinning. Back at the desk Draco leans in and whispers, "told you it was okay."

When the class is over, you immediately rush over to Hermione, who is ecstatic for you but miserable for herself. Draco watches as you go on and on about how amazed you were, and even though it made him happy to see you that way, he sort of wished you were celebrating with him. You catch a glimpse of him leaving, and excuse yourself from Hermione to chase after him down the corridor.

"Draco," you call, and he turns at the sound of your voice, "wait up."

You run over to him, and when you're close enough, you wrap your arms around his torso and squeeze. For a moment he was frozen, but then he's pulling you closer, and his heart starts racing as you nuzzle against him. His arms cross over your shoulders, and just like before, it feels like you fit against him.

"Thank you," you mumble into his uniform, "I've never gotten an O before," you pull away, but you're close, your arms still around his waist, "and the fudge flies were delicious."

He's looking down at you, his eyes flickering all over your features as you're smiling at him with such genuine joy. He chuckles quietly.

"You don't need to thank me," he tells you, moving backwards, "and so were the cauldron cakes."

He turns to walk away, but suddenly you don't want him to leave you there, and you go to call him back, maybe even run after him when Hermione's voice travels down the corridor.

"Y/N," she shouts, and you spin to see her outside the classroom, "come on, we'll be late for Transfiguration."

For a second you worry if she'd seen you hugging Draco with such enthusiasm, but when the bell rings, being late for McGonagall becomes your newest worry. Hermione rushes off, beckoning you to follow her, which you do after one more glance back.

He was long gone.

disclaimer: i do not own hp or any of the characters in this story

dividers from: @firefly-graphics & @happy-ash-edits​

[sebastianswallows]

LOL I definitely didn’t read the prompt right i’m so sorry🤦‍♀️ but how about 🧠 and more headcanons for seb

Pffft that's ok!! I was exactly the same when I read it I was like "...wait" 🤣 Had to think for a sec wtf the question meant.

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them.

Seb <3 My bby, my sweetest boy.

I have so many headcanons for him, but if I had to choose one favourite... it's that he's actually very awkward around girls, romantically I mean.

He's such a nerdy little boy, first of all. He reads a lot, he literally says he reads practically every book he finds. This is not really a social activity. Which means he probably spends a lot of time alone, indoors (or maybe outdoors, but who are we kidding).

And before MC arrived, his best friends were Ominis and his sister.

And his idea of a ✨fun night out🎉 is sneaking into the library 🤦‍♀️

There's also the fact that his parents died when he was young, and so much of how we learn to interact with others comes from our parents. All he had was grumpy Uncle Solomon, a bachelor, until he went to Hogwarts at 11.

Seb seems to have very good self esteem and confidence in certain interactions, like duelling or discussing spells and other academic activities, but I think if he were placed in a situation that was more "social" (aka normie), he wouldn't really know what to do. Remember how he's at first secretive and suspicious when you first approach him in the Slytherin Common room. Not exactly a social guy.

I think he's one of those people that learns to compartmentalise his feelings and can pick and choose his reactions in a deliberate way so as not to embarrass himself or put himself into a situation that's outside of his comfort zone, but it would be a conscious effort for the sake of saving face.

Thank you for the ask, my dear! I loved answering this one 💚

→ Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask

[goldenpinof]

Idk if any of your anons needs to hear that BUT

First: I relate to everyone who feels awkward, not sure etc don't think they will communicate with anyone. Like I got into them in early 2020 when I moved to another country alone, pandemic etc I had suddenly found a new hyper fixation which helped me to get through the rough times. I mean everybody know the following years were even worse. So now I want to go, but I was lurking for so long and I'm not sure that I can be considered a fan? (even tho I'd consider myself one). Like I feel kinda guilty for taking someone's place? Don't ask, I'll leave this discussion for my therapist. But at the same time I want to experience it cuz I'm not sure if there will ever be a chance? So meet the second part of my ramble:

Second: I'm hugely experienced with going "on tour", I mean following someone on tour. Like with the certain band/musician from this band who's got multiple projects, I'm very deep in the fandom for almost 20 years (gosh I'm old. Oh btw there's another fear, I'll be 36 by the time of the tour and that's why I stick by Tumblr not Twitter, at least I don't feel like I'm close to the age of someone's parents), that I just know the first 200 people who queue for the this person's/band's gigs from the 4 am and I feel so at home there that meeting someone new have never been a problem. So it's like not something alien to me, but still too many new people and I can't even discuss it with anyone irl. So yeah

But this is there my thought was actually going: why are people so surprised that someone want to go to a few dates?! Like from the gigs experience I just know every single one feels different and I'm sure every single show will feel unique too. And it's the people yeah.

So I apologise Kate for using your box as my cancelled therapy session and talking SO MUCH.

i thought you were referring to the Antwerp/Frankfurt anon. you had me in the first half, not gonna lie!

you're not taking someone else's place. like, there are gonna be hunger games, but probably only for VIP, and only because we're a bit crazy. i really hope we don't break any website, and AXS isn't gonna decide to repeat the wad taping situation. ultimately, we're in the same position no matter how much people like to threaten each other because some left the phandom and then returned 😂

anyway, yeah! i'm turning 30 in the middle of the tour. so if everything goes well, i'm gonna see them when i'm 29 and then 30. speaking of old, that's fucking devastating!

each show is different, and travelling is cool. so, i very much get people who go to multiple shows. like, enjoy life while you can, you know 🫶

[neko-naruto]

from hero to the hunted

Summary: a brief glance into the ways John Dory coped with the isolation, and how the hell a Pop Troll managed to survive for twenty years in the mountains

Warnings: gutting a massive fish (it gets a bit gross), grieving, check Ao3 port for full tags

Authors Note: I've been thinking of how in the fuck he survived out there in isolation since I saw the movie, now I've written about it so I can sleep easy at night. anyways! hope ya'll enjoy and if you do consider dropping a reblog or checkin the ao3 port, it really means a lot

"It's just me and my armadillo now, I guess," John Dory said, out loud, too himself, even though no one else existed in this empty forest. It was just him and his armadillo, which he was going to kill for meat, but chose against it when he realized she was sort of... Hollow.

She didn't have any meat, she was just an exterior, why she was like that he didn't know. And he would've left her alone, forever, but she decided to nuzzle up against his leg and chirp at him and he couldn't deny that. Only a monster would deny that, so he picks her up and starts on his way to carry her through the woods so she doesn't step on anything sharp.

It's kind of stupid, adopting an armadillo for no reason other than 'she looked at me and made sound' but he's a big brother. He's the oldest brother, he's spent his entire life before leaving being the caretaker. Their parents just paid attention to each of them equally and it didn't feel like enough, so he decided to start taking care of his little brothers too. Packing lunches, doing laundry, just being as good a brother as he could be before the band started.

And now it's been four years since he left, he's twenty one and he's probably going a little bit crazy with the isolation. Just a little bit nutty, a minuscule amount of absurd with how much he hasn't interacted with anyone or anything in years. Maybe that's why he's picking up this little creature and carrying her around like she's his little sister. He needs a placeholder to fill that void of a little creature in his life, that'll fend off the depression if nothing else.

"I'm gonna call you Rhonda," John stated as he placed her down on a log and started on foraging on some small twigs and slightly larger rocks for a fire pit.

Rhonda just chirps in response.

-/-/-/-

"I think it's a big one!" There's a laugh on his voice as reels in dinner for the night. It fights, thrashing and kicking up a massive splash of water every which way.

Rhonda is quick to amble over and bite the back of his vest tugging him just a bit whenever he lurches forward. Step by step she slowly pulls him back while keeping the cord from snapping with the tautness of it.

"Thanks girl, I'll save you the liver," John promises, it elicits a purring chirrup from Rhonda. He yanks the rod one last time and the fish is in the air, falling down to the ground in seconds, "Hold it down for me."

The armadillo does as told, pressing one paw on the tail fin to keep it down despite it's writhing. She bats it once or twice with her other paw while John grabs his knife, although it's more of a cutlass compared to the size of his body. He drives it through the eye and holds it until the fish stops moving, Rhonda steps back, resting on hind legs as John works.

He works smoothly really, digging the tip of the knife into the tender underbelly of the fish and running it up to the base of the jaw. Blood is minimal, but it still drips from the frayed flesh as he pops on his goggles. He takes a deep breath before diving into the complete and utter darkness. It's dripping with whatever rests inside of a fish's organ cavity and it used to make him feel like vomiting, but that was a long time ago, back when he could still carry Rhonda in his arms.

It's a pulsing and oozing mess, but he persists, cutting the cords and just hauling them out like they're anything but organs. He takes extra care with the liver and tosses it to Rhonda specifically before sliding out and moving onto cutting off the head.

"I hope you like that liver, this guy was living offa swamp scum," John commented as he lopped off the head, severing the spine with a practiced ease to his motions.

He's twenty seven now, ten years into his isolated life in the mountains and the forests and the swamps. He doesn't know how much longer he's gonna stay out there for either, he's probably a freak to the average Troll society now. He's happy here anyways. He has Rhonda, he has his sword, he has a group photo of him and his brothers before everything went wrong.

He's absolutely odd these days, positively so, talking a shocking amount of thoughts that enter his head. Eating whatever plants don't look poisonous and having Rhonda hit him with those defibrillator paws if he passes out from said plant. Cutting open giant fish and other assorted creatures that he comes across. He can store most of his stuff inside of Rhonda anyways, he could sleep in her if he wanted too, but the nights are never cold enough he has to leave her alone at night.

"Hey girl, can you get a fire going for me?" He asked rather loudly as he worked on trying to wedge some of the bones from delicate fish flesh. It was a tedious process but he'd rather do so than risk Rhonda choking on some bones.

There's a loud rumbling purr before Rhonda walks off to get some sticks.

-/-/-/-

It's a bad night, age thirty and he's spending another night laying awake thinking of his brothers and he left them. He thought he dropped this habit on his sweet, sweet twenty sixth birthday where he found an abandoned barrel of lager. He drank himself into a waking coma that night and came too about a week later, semi naked and covered in tinsel and hay. He still shudders to learn where that tinsel came from, but even more so about where the fuck the hay came from.

He's sleeping inside of Rhonda that night, the cold bite of winter air too much for him to bear. He's stuck staring at the ceiling with his few mementos of what his brothers were lay beside him plastered to a wall. He knows they've changed by now, for fucks sake, he's changed, albeit, probably for the worse considering how feral he is. He eats meat, he's always on the run from some monster, he talks to his armadillo van, he definitely wouldn't be able to just assimilate back into society.

John heaves a sigh, tears are hot on his face and his body shudders as he exhales. He misses his brothers. He misses the nights he'd spend falling asleep nestled against Spruce cause he stressed too hard over the song line ups, or he worried too much about his brothers in one way or another. He misses having Floyd there to try and calm down, he regrets not listening to his younger brothers worries and soothing words. He misses all the jokes and the choreography that Clay would carefully craft for them, he misses their secret handshake. He misses Spruce, he misses Floyd, he misses Clay, he (somewhat) misses Branch.

He doubts they miss him, he broke the one law of eldest sibling: never leave you baby brothers. He shattered it, he ran off to the mountains and he's been in said mountain for thirteen years hiding and scavenging. He left, he abandoned them to go be 'brolone' and he's experiencing a intense wave of regret again when he was sure he was over it.

"This is fucking stupid,"

He's an idiot, he thought he'd be fine alone. He adopted an armadillo, he killed her parents, her siblings, he killed all of them and took her in to replace his brothers. He can't go alone, he's not built like that. There's no more stress to keep all of his pieces together, he's gotten so comfortable in the mountains the wilderness fear has gone down too much to act as a substitute.

John just rolls onto his side, away from where his few memorabilia of his brothers exist. Out of side out of mind. He's crying because he lost his favorite vest to the woods, not because he lost his brothers due to his own hubris. Definitely not, and maybe if he tells himself that lie enough times he'll believe it.