#and then i started happy stimming really hard lol

[fitzfunnymoments]

Good morning everyone I happy stimmed so hard last night my bed just about fell over <3

[renae-the-turtle]

Oh,

I really, really love the Trolls movies, actually

[stormblessed95]

Watching Are You Sure?! EP 3

A reminder of how I do these reaction posts as I watch things. I just write my reactions and thoughts down literally they happen. Think more of a bullet point format. I'll include links when I can to videos, thanks to the people who twt who upload clips. And at the end, I'll do a better wrap up of all my opinions. I hope everyone enjoyed the show so far!!

It's Chuseok right after their trip, so they went and filmed this at the end of September 2023

JK was so sassy about Tae inviting himself along for their Jeju trip! Lol

Jikook singing along to Vs Slow Dancing 🥺🥺🥺

Not my baby Jimin already having a stomach ache 5 minutes into the episode! We just got here and it's already travel sickness round 2?! 😅😂

Jimin yelling at Taekook to go inside while he is still in the car. Just to turn around and claim abandonment lmfao. He is just like me for real. I hope the fresh air helped him feel a little better. And JK immediately ordering Pork Cutlets, one of Jimins favorites, as soon as he gets inside is just 🥺🥺

Jimin finally coming in and JK pulling a whole "oh my God, my crush is here" type of routine. Lmao boy, the hair tucking, the giant smile. Boy, stand-up!Istg they are perfect!

Caressing Jimin's thigh as soon as he sits down talking about the "view" being so beautiful 😍😏

And Tae just fawning over Jimin being cute as soon as he enters too? Lol Jimin really has these men wrapped around his finger!

Not Tae going oh we do this stuff all the time. And JK and Jimin going "bro then leave!!" Lmfao you chose to be here Tae! Enjoy your time with your besties!

Tae getting fish and Jimin asking if he should take the bones out for him 🥺😍 that's his baby! Lmfao and JKs immediate "no" 😂🤣 no one asked you Jungkook! I too, don't like de-boning anything, I need a friend like Jimin 😂

It was giving perilla leaf, not going to lie 😂😂 Jimin babying his best friend and Jimins boyfriend being like "that's a whole grown man, excuse me?!" Is the vibes being given here. And I love it 😂

Me being sat and riveted for Jimins de-boning lesson knowing I will never do this myself. Because I'm a #spoiledbitch

The way he just info dumps too 😂

JK just stimming and loving his food so hard! And I love how vmin just let him do his thing. Baby is so loved 🥰😍 it really makes my heart so happy

Jimin making a ssam for Tae just for him to leave and Jimin to chase him running and giggling down the street, even losing his shoes, to make him eat it 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 why are they like this? Lmao!!

JK just collecting his boyfriends shoes for him too. Lol and Tae coming back and eating as soon as Jimin tells him he doesn't have shoes. Lol he is so loved.

(x is so loved is clearly going to be the theme of my post here!)

Vmin driving in the car all leaned into each other. I love them. So freaking much. Them singing Seven and Arson too. BTS forever supporting BTS!

Jimin saying "let's take pictures together later" and Tae going "couple pictures?" Lmfao 🤣🤣🤣

Jimin having to talk Tae through how a drive through works 😂😂 my baby? How is this new to you? Lollll Jimin is suchhhh a caretaker 😍

And the way he makes sure JK stops and is hydrated too! He loves so hard!

"I'm fine!" "Im not!" That was so boyfriend, my god

"Jhope would've loved this. Ah, I miss him." God me too!

JK always going along with whatever skit or roleplay Jimin or Vmin start doing. Lmfao Jimin being like "oh, did you see his tattoos?!" Yeah, we get you 🤣

Jimin caring in JKs bag for him into the house 🥰

The 3 of them cuddling and laying on the floor together 🤣😂 before the cut to crazy head banging and Jimin having a stomach ache again 🤣 what a tonal shift lol

I'm obsessed with the pull back from touching that keeps happening. In all 3 episodes. One person on Twitter called it "controlling your habits" and I'm just ughhhhhh just hold hands 😭😭😭

Jimin singing 3D!

JK shooting Jimin in both the ass and the crotch with the water gun 😅🤣😂 the caption being an innocent 5 year old.... Lol not sure that was super innocent, but he was certainly giggly and having fun 😂 Tae also joining in and shooting Jimin, but only a few times in the ass, mostly on his back 😂 and the way Jimin just laid there and took it lmfao

The way JK watched over Jimin briefly while he was napping on the floor. That stare, those heart eyes 😍

Taekook being the absolute cutest puppies in the pool 🥰😍

Taekook drop the cuddly selca!!

JK jumping up to play as soon as he heard Jimin 😂 they are so cute! Why did they cut the entirety of Jikook playing upstairs? 👀😂

Followed by the mini wrestling match of taekook vs Jimin over the water guns and being shot again 😂

"you look pretty. You really look pretty" Jungkook please! My Jikook 🥺🥺

The distance Jungkook got with every skip in that parking lot man. Lol he is super human!

How many Jimin-ssi's did we hear in like 30 seconds when Jikook were climbing that wall together? Lmfaooo in that tone too? They like each other's muscles when watching each other climb. I get it 😂

"Jiminah, I'll show you I'm not the kid I used to be" "yeah, you are an adult now" 😂😂 Vmin lol I love Jimins dry sense of Humor too 😂😂

This whole climbing/go cart section felt very Run BTS esque lol bringing back those vibes for a moment here. Including JKs giant ass smile whenever Jimin starts messing with him or fake boxing him. That happened so often in Run

The way JK and Tae's faces immediately dropped as soon as they noticed Jimin was bleeding. There really is so much care there even when they are silly. JK saying that Jimin always gets hurt when they travel and breaks his heart 🥺🥺

"Going in order" with Jimin, Tae then JK on the go carts. I appreciate the editors acknowledging and feeding my Jimin is the hyung enjoyment 🥰

JK saying "how immature, all hung up on competing" boy you just feel left out! Lmfao because competition is at your core 😂

The way Jungkookie was looking at Jimin when Vmin were praising him 🥺🥰

Tae recording himself instead of Jimin being silly 🤣

I don't think anyone understands how much I love them and adore them.

Wrap up thoughts:

Hyung Jimin moments give me life and this episode had me well fed. He takes SUCH good care of the people he loves, and taekook in particular. He really has those men wrapped around his finger too. The love shared there is so so special and I'm so tickled anytime I get to witness it.

I also just wish for more peaceful episodes for Jimin! I'm curious how the next Jeju episode will go because after Connecticut, where they didn't have a choice but to talk about his stomach bug, they clearly were going to try and cut those moments out at first but it was so bad they couldn't. But it seemed like they are now low-key leaning into Jimins struggles as a bit with the cuts and edits now. Like it's part of the silliness of the show. Regardless, I do hope he feels better faster and doesn't get sick in Sapporo too! My poor baby 🥺😭🥰

Even with Jimin feeling sick, he still appeared to be at the center of that trio. Even when taekook were playing, they were doing so in a way that revolved around Jimin, constantly getting out to go annoy him. JK shooting him with the water gun to soak his pants in the dick and ass area was a special kind of stupid horny boy humor 😂 the way the editors covered it up (even sometimes with just camera angles) after his pants were soaked too, I know that outlines had to be on DISPLAY. Which I wouldn't be surprised if that was either one of the goals or just a nice reward for JK 😂 Poor Jimin. At least they let him nap in peace eventually!

We know Jimin did get in the pool with them at some point since they have promo shots in the water together. I'm looking forward to seeing that next episode! Or I'm going to be salty with Hybe for not giving us any of that footage! Lol

Jikook also had much larger suitcases than Tae did, who was also already there on vacation with his other friends. Did Jikook stay longer than Tae did or was it because we know they went to Busan shortly after to visit family too? It's really nice knowing that Jikook spent an extended trip together to their hometown also even if we didn't really get to know about it or see anything from it

The more hyungs that are around, the more maknae-esque our Jungkookie gets. Lol it was so cute. It IS an interesting aspect of Jikooks dynamic though, the inclusion of others and how that changes how they behave. It absolutely gives them an air of "us" at times. I know y'all know what I mean. It also highlights how much more they behave as equals, chingus, "them," when they are alone too. Because that is such an unusual dynamic and they've normalized it so much we barely blink at it anymore and some people don't even notice. He was very baby with his hyungs this episode whereas in USA, he took the lead with Jimin alot, which I did mention in my posts over those episodes.

He also was incredibly bratty and sassy in many moments of these episodes. Jimin even called him on it once 😂 this would've been the time that they had just applied for the buddy system together. And I think as much as they miss their members when they aren't there, JK also was looking forward to spending alone time with Jimin and the quick plan changes right before the trip happened put him in extra brat mode 😂😂 you could tell he was excited and happy to have Tae there though to play with. Those two had so much fun together and it was nice JK had a goof off buddy while Jimin wasn't feeling good. It also gave Jimin a much needed break I think from feeling pressure to entertain even when he wasn't feeling his best.

There were some soft and really cute moments in the first two episodes, but while there was so much chaotic energy in this episode, between Jikook, there was almost more softness. Like they save the bickering for home when they are out with others 😂 all the little touches and fondness killed me.

The cuts were horrendous this episode. Lol this was one example and there are a million more.

The episode timeline was cut all over the place. Lol so many conversations had music cut over them so we couldn't hear, so many continuity errors due to cuts. Like part of me gets it, but why was it so bad?!

Plus I'm sad we missed out on most of what was shaping us to be a Jikook wrestling match over the water guns. Oh the fanfic that'll inspire 😂 if they don't give it to us in the behinds, it's going to look incredibly suspicious 😂😂

It's also crazy to think about how this was Jikooks second trip to Jeju together. Think they went together before to scout out things they wanted to do together and enjoy the minor smaller vacation together sans cameras? Just like how they went back to the restaurant in NY alone before going back home. I really love that for them.

Sorry for only getting this post out like a week late! At least it's done before episode 4! Lol hope you all are loving AYS and having fun with it!

[moonsapprentice]

helllooooo !! you obviously don’t have to do this if you don’t want to do no pressure but i have autism + adhd and i was wondering if you could write headcanons for each of the boys x a reader with autism / adhd ( you dont have to do both you can just pick one if you want ^^; )

this was my first time requesting something so it was a little hard AHHH but if you do this tysm !! :) also thank you for trying to revive the tags bc this is a very big hyperfixation for me and it sucks to never see writing for it lol

Yess!! Omg ahhh this is my first ever request! I’d be happy to do it :)

⋆ ✶ ✷ 𝔐𝔞𝔦𝔫 𝔣𝔬𝔲𝔯 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔞 𝔰/𝔬 𝔴𝔦𝔱𝔥 𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔰𝔪/𝔞𝔡𝔥𝔡 ✷ ✶ ⋆

𝔈𝔡𝔡

✩ honestly he’s probably neurodivergent in some way himself

✩ definitely really understanding

✩ finds it adorable when you fidget, but also hates it when he’s drawing you and you keep moving 😭

“No, no, wait move back the way you were”

✩ SPEAKING of drawing, if you’re hyperfixating on something he’ll draw it for you

✩ he just wants to see you happy. 😞💚

✩ if you get overstimulated he’s probably the best out of the 4 to go to

✩ if it’s loud noises, he’ll help block it out by covering your ears, if it’s because a place is crowded he’ll keep you close to himself, etc

✩ helps you re-focus by nudging you lightly or saying your name quietly

✩ if you have a hyperfixation he 100% binges it so he knows everything about it

✩ lets you rant about anything with him

✩ if he’s out at the store and finds something relating to your fixation, he’ll show it to you all exited

✩ if you’re hyperactive, he tries to match your energy and be hyper with you

✩ however, if you need a moment of quiet to just recoup, he’ll be silent and wait until you’re ready

✩ if you’re having a panic attack or overstimulated he rubs your head and whispers comforting things. He’ll take you somewhere private until you’re okay

✩ if you like them, he’ll get you fidget toys

✩ if you stim by bouncing up and down or making repetitive noises he finds it the CUTEST THING EVER

✩ tries really hard not to baby you though

✩ if you go non-verbal, he’ll get those lil card things and try to figure out what you need

✩ for the most part, perfect

✩ but he’d probably get stressed out when you’re upset and he can’t figure out why

𝔐𝔞𝔱𝔱

✩ to be honest he wouldn’t really know what it is 😭

“…adhd..? What does that stand for? A dang hot dude? That’s me!”

✩ once you explain he still doesn’t really understand but he tries his best

✩ always asks you if you need anything

✩ if you go nonverbal he kinda panics, he frantically googles until he finds out what’s happening to you

✩ he kinda just hugs you until you’re okay

✩ same thing goes for panic attacks and stuff

✩ he’s perfect to be around if you’re hyper, because no matter what he’ll get hyper and match your energy too

✩ doesn’t really know what stimming is but he copies your movement/noises

✩ probably has his own collection of fidgets that he lets you borrow

✩ if you randomly start focusing on something unrelated to whatever you’re doing, he’d probably join in 😭

✩ my man is NOT neurotypical ‼️

✩ probably relates to you in a lot of ways if you have ADHD

✩ will definitely indulge in your hyperfixations

✩ super silly

𝔗𝔬𝔪

✩ theme park dad energy

“Don’t touch that. Or that. Y/n!”

✩ because of his temper he’d probably get frustrated easily

✩ but he’d try to hold it back because he cares about you

✩ he’s perfect if you just need some quiet time

✩ as I’ve said before, a great listener

✩ if you wanna rant about your hyperfixations, or you just wanna be silent, he’ll listen either way

✩ really good at reading you when you’re non-verbal

✩ if you keep getting off track, he nudges you until you listen

✩ lets out quiet chuckles when you stim

✩ not in a mean way, he can just find it amusing and cute

✩ if you’re bouncing your knee or something he’ll lay his hand on it and rub it

✩ I don’t really think he’s neurodivergent so it’s hard for him to relate to you

✩ but he’d do a ton of research so he’s prepared for any situation

✩ would never admit that though

✩ loves seeing your eyes light up when you see something relating to your hyperfixations

✩ If you’re overstimulated he holds you, letting you bury your face in the crook of his neck while he either covers your ears or strokes your back

✩ would not baby you

✩ he’d be comforting, but if something happens he’ll give you the truth on what he thinks you should do

✩ he’d be soft with his wording, but my guy does not sugarcoat

✩ likes to see you fidget with stuff, he finds it cute

𝔗𝔬𝔯𝔡

✩ might get confused at some of your habits

✩ after doing a little research he’d be super understanding though

✩ loves it when you fidget with his fingers or his hoodie strings

✩ finds your stimming adorable

✩ like, he can’t help the grin that crawls on his face when you bounce up and down or make repetitive noises

✩ the first time you stimmed infront of him he literally scooped you up and spun you around

✩ gets super protective if you’re overstimulated

✩ he does literally anything he can for you to feel okay

✩ murmurs sweet things into your ear if you’re panicking

✩ if you go nonverbal he internally panics, but he’s calm on the outside

✩ despite his slight panic, he can read you really well

✩ might accidentally baby you, but if it bothers you he tones it down

✩ loves talking to you about your hyperfixations

✩ just generally finds it adorable how you act

✩ likes to sit you on his lap and play with your hair, letting you rant about whatever the hell you want

✩ snickers when you loose focus on whatever you’re doing

“Love, c’mon. We can look at that later…”

✩ very sweet and understanding

TYSM for the request!!! I’m so sorry that it slowly gets worse my tumblr is lagging so bad it’s hell to write 😭 other than that this was super fun to write!!

- xoxo, Artemis

[daechwitatamic]

3. Libration || KSJ

(banner by @itaeewon)

Title: Amalthea (Masterpost) - Part 3: Libration

Rating: NSFW - minors go away i mean it Genre: best friend's older brother!au, angst smut fluff trifecta Pairing: Seokjin x female reader Beta team: @yoongiphoria, @here2bbtstrash, @kookstempo

Summary: You can count on two things in life. One: that your lifelong best friend Minji will always be there for you, in your corner, your brightest star. Two: that you'll never be free from her older brother Seokjin's orbit - the gravitational pull is just too strong.

Warnings: language, drinking, angst, kissing, implied protected s*x/ kind of the immediate aftermath to it, TIME JUMPS, boners lol, nip stim, groping, fingering, explicit protected s*x, multiple orgasms (f. receiving), dom reader but barely, reader on top WC: 14k

Part 3: Libration

Libration: (noun) A slight tilting of the Moon over time that brings parts of the Moon that are normally obscured into view

For his entire life, Seokjin’s fingers had begged to reach for you. If he was practiced at anything, a master of any skill, it was holding them still, tamping them down, busying them with game controls or swiping a screen to stop them on their pilgrimage towards yours.

He’d almost told you so many times. Without fail, every single time, he’d chicken out. 

Like the morning his dad had driven him to campus for the first time, the car loaded up with everything he wanted to bring along. It was one of those late summer days, the whole season setting like the sun. It felt like endings. Seokjin had been really in his feelings about it, to be honest.

He’d leaned against the car, arms crossed, as you stood staring back at him. Waiting. Waiting to say goodbye.

Your whole lives, you’d never asked him for anything, just stayed constant and steady in his life. Not a lot of things felt steady in his life - hadn’t since he’d lost his mom back when Jungkook was a baby. But you did. You were unwavering, just there when he needed calm, consistency, dependability. Seokjin usually leaned into the chaos of his life, of his siblings, of his sometimes noisy and goofy personality. But when he needed it - the quiet retreat - somehow he always pictured you. Like you were his quiet place.

You were standing there, waiting for something before he left this small town for bigger and better things, and he was stalling. 

What could he say to you as a goodbye?

Would don’t forget me make him seem too pathetic? God, yeah, it sounded like he was dying. He was a nineteen year old moving away to college, not the ghost of a murder victim whispering avenge me into the wind. For fuck’s sake.

Come visit? That was less dramatic - more direct. It said what he wanted… for you to stay in his life, stay in his universe. That was good, that would work. 

He was just working up the courage to say it when you seemed to give up on him, shifting your weight and asking, “See you at Christmas?”

Disgusted with himself, he’d nodded mutely. You’re an idiot, Seokjin, he thought, watching you disappear into his father’s house.

Another opportunity wasted. Another trip around the sun - without you - stuttering to a start. 

–

It was hard to be around you. Maybe that was pitiful but it was Seokjin’s truth. 

Still, every time he came home from university and saw you again, it always felt the same. It surprised him every time, caught him off-guard. It felt like getting slammed with damn, I’m happy to see you again, damn, I didn’t realize how much I’d missed you, damn, you look good these days. 

And that’s where it crashed to a halt. It was a dead-end, just like the one you both grew up on. He couldn’t go there. Minji would destroy his life if he got entangled with her best friend, he was sure of it. Plus, you were in different cities for college, living separate lives. Your future paths weren’t meant to intersect. It just didn’t make sense to start something that could just end up ruining things between everyone, including you and Minji’s friendship. 

So, at your parents’ Christmas Eve dinner his senior year, when he was twenty-one and you were nineteen, he stayed holed up in the living room with Jungkook, avoiding you entirely. He stood at the side of the room, bored and wishing he were home with a game instead of avoiding eye contact with all the real adults around him. He sent Jungkook into the kitchen to get him a beer, knowing if he went in there himself he’d stay. Nothing good could come of it.

He still found himself staring at you through the doorway as you sat next to his sister in the kitchen, your laugh bouncing out to him. He wanted so badly to join you, to be the one making you laugh as he had almost his whole life. 

You were a supernova, exploding before his eyes, but he couldn’t look away. When you’d looked up and caught him staring, he felt himself flush from head to toe. 

He had to stay away from you; it was the only way to stay sane. 

The next morning he’d woken early, dehydration toying with him, sending him scavenging to the kitchen in search of water, or something caffeinated. 

The universe laughed at him long and loud, and placed you in his kitchen, in thin, pink and grey pajamas that barely covered your ass, did nothing to hide your tits. You’d crossed your arms self-consciously, and Seokjin hurried to face the sink, filling the kettle as a distraction, so that you wouldn’t spot his semi.

He could feel your eyes on him, the air between you rife with tension, and he dreaded whatever it was you were going to say, or ask him - dreaded the moment he’d have to turn around to answer you to avoid looking rude. 

Instead, you spared him, vanishing back down the hallway as silently as you’d come. He’d heaved a sigh, running a palm down his hardening dick for relief, and headed for the bathroom. It was cold shower o’clock, apparently.

–

He graduated the following May, moved back home. Prepared resumes and cover letters and started sending them out by the dozens. Prayed someone, anyone, would hire him.

His dad threw him a graduation party, even though Seokjin told him over and over again that he didn’t want or need it. The house full of people - all there to see him, to ask him what his plans were when he had none - stressed him out. 

He’d stuck to Jungkook all day, his safety blanket. It shouldn’t be like that - Jungkook was the baby, and an introvert, too. But having Jungkook as a buffer helped Jin feel less looked at, helped keep his neck from flushing deep red all day long. And Jungkook was a good brother - he understood, without them even talking about it. He stayed close, talked to all the relatives cheerfully, bunny nose scrunching as he smiled. Not like Minji, terrible sister, who abandoned him to die with all the aunts and uncles and cousins, disappearing into the house.

Even with the Jungkook buffer, he could only take so much. By nine o’clock, as the sky darkened slowly, the blues leaking away and turning inkier, his social battery was shot. A lot of the attendees had said their goodbyes by then, and he felt like it was safe for him to slip away. 

He retreated to his own room, flopping onto his bed and pulling up a webtoon that had updated the day before. He’d been saving it for a time of need. Like now. 

He wasn’t sure how he got clued into your presence in the hallway - you hadn’t made any noise. But he’d spotted you, called your name. His heart raced with possibility when you tentatively stepped into the dark of his room.

When you asked - voice small, unsure - if you could join him, he’d gone stupid, hadn’t even been able to think of the word “yes”. He’d had to answer by moving over to make room for you, hoping you’d understand.

You laying next to him, even with the space between you, felt amazing. Seokjin scrolled the webtoon every time you said “okay,” but he didn’t read a word of it. All he could focus on was stopping the words from tumbling from his mouth, stopping himself from throwing his phone across the room and rolling to cover your body with his own. 

He kept it in check until he heard your breathing deepen. He glanced down to confirm - you’d fallen asleep. He clicked his phone screen off, his arms aching from holding it aloft for so long. Then he lay there, taking in the silence, watching your face as you dreamed. Ever so softly, he’d reached out a tentative finger and brushed it along your cheek. He had let himself touch you so few times, even in small, innocent ways. This felt like a rich indulgence, like the treat of all treats.

Smiling, chest feeling so full something might crack, he’d closed his eyes, eventually falling asleep by matching his breathing to yours, inhale to inhale, exhale to exhale. 

He woke up sometime before dawn, jumping in his sleep. Something had alarmed him, told his brain there was danger. It was still very dark in his room, the only light coming from under his door from the hallway. You’d turned away from him in your sleep, your feet resting lightly on his shins, your legs curled.

Seokjin smiled, reached to brush your hair away from your face. When you didn’t stir, he got comfortable again, rolling to face your back, gingerly reaching an arm over you and letting his hand rest on the mattress near your stomach. In your sleep, you pressed back against him, shuffling into his embrace, then stilling again. He fell back to sleep breathing in the scent of your shampoo.

When he woke up for real, long after sunrise, you were gone, his bed empty. He checked his phone almost frantically, but you hadn’t texted. 

He spent all day agonizing over it - should he reach out? Did he need to apologize? Were you freaking out, did you need him to tell you to breathe, that it was okay? But in the end, he said nothing, afraid anything he sent would just make things worse.

–

Jin spent the eve of his twenty-third birthday at a bar. You and Minji (and Jungkook, that year) were away at school for a few more weeks before winter break would begin. It was loud and crowded, the walls adorned with street signs and sardonic posters, neon beer signs, a few backlit clocks that all read different times. He threw back shots, paid for none of them as the birthday boy, surrounded by friends from college and home. 

His phone buzzed at midnight on the dot, as the friends around him cheered and pounded him on the back. When he saw your name on his screen, everyone around him fell away, like they didn’t even exist. Ignored everyone around him, sat and blatantly texted you back, unashamed to be neglecting his own celebration.

Getting baja blasted with your sister, you’d sent him, and he had laughed out loud at the bar, pressing fingers to his eyes as if he could erase the mental picture, shoulders still shaking. 

“What’s wrong?” someone asked him, peering over his shoulder.

“Yah,” he’d said, still laughing. “Baja blasted, is that what the kids are calling it these days? Am I that old, already, one minute into my twenty-third year?”

They’d laughed, reading the text, ribbing him about Minji’s delinquent college behavior. One of his friends, a girl with shoulder-length dark red hair, had sent him a sideways look. “This girl is texting you at midnight for your birthday, huh?” she’d asked, lips pursing with amusement. “You know what that means.”

“What does that mean?” Jin echoed, turning to face her, and her smile had grown, a gotcha. 

“The only time I’ve ever done that in my life,” she told him, “is for my best friend, or for my boyfriends.”

They’d teased him about his red ears for the next hour and a half.

–

Back to avoiding, back to trying to bury it deep down. Back to failing miserably.

You and Minji lounged in the backyard, your conversation floating in low murmurs up through the open windows as Seokjin sat at the kitchen table, scrolling on his phone. 

He heard only snippets - I broke up with that guy, I just wasn’t feeling it. 

Immediately interested, he rose, drifting towards the open kitchen window, ears perked.

“No one sticks,” Minji said. “I worry about you.”

“None of them were right,” you told her. “Someone will be.”

“How will you know when it’s right?”

And then the door slammed open, causing Seokjin to jump in his skin.

You’d been pissed, eyes narrowed, voice tight as you accused him of listening in. But Seokjin could only think about what he’d heard, how he’d wondered the same thing over these years. 

Time to stop chickening out. “How come no one sticks?” he asked. 

“What?” 

He spoke slowly, deliberately. “Why haven’t any of the guys you’ve dated lasted?”

He needed to know. He needed to know - what was the reason? Were you both wasting time, revolving idly in place? Could it be possible that you, like him, hadn’t been willing to give someone else a chance if it meant jeopardizing this, even if “this” was practically nothing?

“What am I supposed to say to that? Jin, what do I say to that?” You’d looked absolutely shattered, and he couldn’t help but step closer, reach for your hand. It was cool in his, and he felt like he was holding something fragile - like his touch could cause it to crumble into dust if he wasn’t gentle enough. 

Say you want me, he wanted to say. 

Maybe you would have.

But Minji - terrible sister - had ruined his life, coming through the kitchen door, already talking at the top of her lungs. Jin had made his escape as soon as he could, vanishing down the hallway towards his room.

He moved out - far away, an airplane ride away to a new skyline and a new job - six months later.

–

Twenty-six hadn’t started great for Seokjin. Normally he was a fan of having his birthday in December, during the start of the Christmas season. When he was a kid, it had felt like all the lights and decorations were a bit for him. But since moving to his new city three years prior, working his new job, the holidays were more of a hassle. Amazing how airports can ruin a good thing.

Case in point - his flight got delayed because of a snowstorm. Only by two hours, and he didn’t have to make a connection, so all things considered it wasn’t the end of the world. But he did miss Christmas Eve dinner at your parents’ house.

He’d called Minji from the airport after he landed, as he waited at baggage claim. 

“Come anyway,” she’d begged him. “We never see you. Y/N’s parents have asked about you a hundred and fifty times.”

In retrospect, it might have been nice if Minji had mentioned that you had a boyfriend with you. Just as a little heads up. But Minji was a terrible sister. Or maybe the problem was that she had no idea Seokjin would even care. 

Either way, it had ended like this.

His taxi had pulled up outside his dad’s house. He’d dragged his suitcase up the walk and through the front door, leaving it unceremoniously next to the couch to wait for him. He’d checked his hair in the decorative mirror near the front door and slipped back outside, heading to the brightly lit house across the street.

He’d shaken his hands as he walked, trying to get the nerves to fly from his fingers. It’s like they knew you were close. 

He’d let himself into your parents’ house, instrumental Christmas music and loud conversations hitting him the second the door opened an inch.

Minji had cried, “Jinnie!” and he’d looked up from taking his boots off. His eyes had found you immediately, near the side of the crowded room. You were leaning comfortably against a man. 

A man. A man who took one look at Seokjin, then down at your face, and then reached an arm around your waist. He pulled you in, making you hop a little as you were pulled off-balance.

Seokjin’s stomach had twisted, and he’d felt almost like he would be sick, like he was suddenly hungover without drinking a drop.

He’d had to pull it together. He’d stepped inside, accepting Minji’s enthusiastic hug. Terrible sister, trying to hug him when he was having a meltdown. He’d given you a quick one-arm almost-hug, fingers hovering over your shoulder, not even daring to touch you. He’d smiled wide when you’d introduced “my boyfriend, Daniel”, shook the guy’s hand and tried not to squeeze it too aggressively. 

Boyfriend. He really did want to throw up. When he’d asked you why no one stuck, he hadn’t thought you’d take it as a dare. 

He’d extracted himself from the group and went to find his dad and your parents, to say hello. Then he’d hidden with Jungkook for the rest of the night. History repeats itself, and all that. 

It was a little funny, in hindsight. He’d been nearly sick over the boyfriend. But he’d met Chelsea less than two months later. 

–

He’d met Chelsea at work when he was twenty-six. She was contracted by the company for a job, short-term - not a coworker. She was pretty, competent. Seokjin had felt weird, for a second, when he caught himself watching her walk away from his desk one morning, her ponytail swinging behind her. But then he’d pictured Daniel’s arm around your waist at Christmas. 

What are you doing? he’d asked himself. All the years he’d spent just outside your reach seemed to hover before him like a planetary alignment. Where had it gotten either of you? Maybe you were the smarter one, the braver one. He was thinking of the time he’d asked why none of your boyfriends lasted - but at least you were out there trying. He couldn’t really say the same thing. He’d had his fun through college, certainly. But he’d known every time that his heart wasn’t in it.

Maybe it was time to try.

He’d caught her in the break room on her last day of the project. She’d blushed when he asked her out, her smile more surprised than anything else. Their first date had gone well. Their third date had gone even better. 

He didn’t go home that summer. Things with Chelsea fell into place - pieces clicking together the way they were supposed to in adult relationships. They’d agreed to start being exclusive. She’d called him her boyfriend on the phone with her best friend Lara, lounging on his couch one afternoon, and he’d looked up from the game he was playing, fingers frozen on the controls, eyes wide. 

After she’d hung up, she’d asked, “Was that not okay? We’ve been exclusive for months, it just… felt kind of natural.”

“No,” he’d assured her, reaching out and placing a hand on her knee. She’d covered it with her own, looking at him through her lashes, waiting for his answer. “It was okay. I was just surprised.”

She’d moved in before the leaves started to turn, half of his closet suddenly full of blouses and skirts, oat milk in his fridge where there used to be beer bottles, tampon boxes under his sink where there used to be cleaning supplies. 

Warm smiles when he’d make a stupid pun. Slender fingers in his during evening walks. Breathy whispers when they were tangled together in the dark.

Demands of “Why didn’t you answer your phone?” after long meetings at work. Silence from the other side of the couch over a slight he couldn’t even name. The scratchy material of the couch cushions after a night ejected from his own bed. 

The leaves turned. Fell. Blew away.

Soft murmurs of concern when he’d tell about a bad day. Bursting into laughter after saying the same thing at the same time, following it with, “We’re turning into each other.” Coming home to find his favorite snacks in the cabinets, his laundry folded on the end of the bed. 

A hollow feeling in the pit of Seokjin’s stomach the first time she whispered, “I think I’m in love with you.”

The taste of battery acid on his tongue when he lied to her face and told her he was, too.

They broke up three days before Christmas. It was too late to get a flight.

Seokjin spent the holidays alone.

Twenty-seven sucked worse than twenty-six.

She showed up three weeks into January, peering up at him through red-rimmed eyes. “Do you th-think…” she’d asked, voice wavering, after pouring out apology after apology, “maybe we could try again?”

Maybe I can love her, he’d thought. He’d hoped. 

They broke up again before the end of February. Got back together in April after Seokjin called her, drunk and lonely. Broke up again in July after she smashed one of his favorite coffee mugs on the kitchen floor and screamed at him that he was a liar. Made up in September and somehow managed to hang on through the fall. 

The night of Seokjin’s twenty-eighth birthday, he couldn’t sleep. He had lain there, awake in the dark, listening to her breathing beside him, slow and even. 

He’d reached out and smoothed her hair down, run a hand down her arm. She’d wiggled into his touch, her breathing taking a moment to even out again.

Feel something, he’d begged himself, suddenly on the verge of frustrated, furious tears. Feel something for her. Why couldn’t he? What was wrong with him? Was he broken, doomed? Was this all he’d get out of life - this push and pull of ocean tides, sometimes drowning and other times left to cook in the sun? Her need for his love like a black hole, pulling and pulling, taking and taking?

“I think we should take a break,” he’d told her in the morning, before his alarm even went off. “I think I need some time to figure things out.”

“Figure out what?” she’d asked, tears already rolling down her cheeks. “I thought we were fine, Seokjin. I thought this time we were fine.”

“Let’s talk after the holidays,” he’d suggested. “I’ll go spend some time with my dad and my siblings… let’s see how we feel.”

“See how we feel?” she’d echoed hollowly. “I know how I feel. You’re the giant question mark here.”

It had felt less like a slap and more like a fact. Seokjin couldn’t even fault her for it when it was so true. 

So, at twenty-eight, he’d gone home for Christmas, alone, on a “break”. 

When you showed up on New Year’s Eve, it felt like you were sent specifically to torture him. To test him.

And he had really, spectacularly flunked the test. 

But seeing you again, for the first time in two years, had given him every right answer. You’d stood next to Minji, helping her slice lemons, and Seokjin had sat at the kitchen table nursing a beer and listening to you two rib each other. He’d felt it - peace, calm, his quiet place. That happiness that rose up in him every time you returned to his life, or he returned to yours. That overwhelming something that had always been there, hovering in the background, whenever he was around you. The desire to make you laugh, to find little ways to touch you, the need to feel your eyes on him now. 

It was overwhelming. It was too much. It was too many feelings, all at once.

He’d never felt this for Chelsea. Not even a fraction of it. But he’d felt like this about you his whole life and had never had something to hold up next to it for comparison. 

He loved you. That was the answer. 

He’d tried to keep his distance anyway that night - for all the old reasons. Minji. Different lives in different cities. His uncertainty about how you felt.

And Chelsea, blowing up his phone in real time, asking him when he was flying home and if she could see him right away when he did.

He left her on read. He followed you out on the back deck. He’d called you beautiful and watched the last pane of glass keeping you from him shatter into pieces and fall to the ground, leaving his feet bloody and his heart singing as he finally, finally got to hold you in his arms the right way, as he’d finally, finally gotten to press his mouth to yours, taste you, feel you, have you. 

Everything was beyond his wildest fantasies - and he’d imagined this plenty over the last seven years. Every bit of skin he got to slide his fingers over, every sigh and gasp you made against his mouth, the feel of your slick heat wrapped around his fingers, the feel of your spasming cunt milking every last drop from him. The look in your eyes as he set you down again, made sure your legs were steady - like he’d hung the moon for you.

Guilt and nausea rocked through him. Sure, they were on a break, but Chelsea was waiting for an answer from him, was at that exact moment trying to talk to him about their relationship. His phone burned a hole in his pocket as it buzzed incessantly against his still-quivering thigh. He should have waited - he should have handled his shit first. You deserved better. 

You deserved better than every part of this.

Outside, hurried, in the freezing cold, against the side of his house? That was wrong. You should have had a first time together where he could take his time, worship every part of you, relax and communicate about what you like. 

And in secret? Minji was still inside, a problem unsolved. If this was starting, if Seokjin was getting his chance with you, then he needed to deal with that problem first. Minji needed to be set straight. And, at the same time, she deserved to find out the right way, too. 

And… what did you want? He should have talked to you, he should have told you he liked you before sleeping with you, he should have asked what you wanted this to be before either of you could get their feelings twisted.

He’d fucked this up. He’d done it all wrong. You deserved so much better than whatever childish bullshit this situation was. He needed to deal with Chelsea. He needed to tell Minji that his business was his business. He needed to talk to you about your feelings.

But one problem at a time. Starting right then.

“You probably shouldn’t come in right after me,” he’d told you, and hurried away, already fishing his phone from his pocket. Inside, he’d slipped into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. He’d dialed Chelsea’s number before the latch even clicked.

“Jin?” she’d answered, sounding tearful already. He felt that squeeze of guilt again - she’d been home, crying, wanting to work it out with him. And he’d been buried in you. What kind of asshole does that? “Where are you?”

“My dad’s house, like I said I’d be,” he’d said, more coldly than he’d meant. He took a breath, pinched the bridge of his nose. It wasn’t her fault - none of it was. It wasn’t her fault he couldn’t love her, it wasn’t her fault she wasn’t you, it wasn’t her fault he’d been too hasty and messed things up with you. “Listen. I know we said we’d talk when I came home but… a few days isn’t going to make the difference. I’m done, Chels. I’m sorry. I’m done for real, this time.”

Her silence stretched so long that Seokjin pulled the phone away from his face to check the screen, to make sure the call hadn’t dropped. 

Finally, after a shuddering breath, she’d managed, “But why?”

Seokjin had pressed his cool knuckles to his burning forehead and closed his eyes. “Because. If I was going to love you, I’d know by now. I know how it should feel and it just… doesn’t. It just doesn’t.”

When he’d returned to the party, he’d scanned the rooms at a clip, eyes roving the crowd for your familiar form. He passed through the kitchen, the living room, even tried Minji’s room and the basement. You were nowhere to be found. 

He typed over a dozen texts to you - where did you go, are you okay, come talk to me, did you leave, i have something i need to tell you. He deleted all of them. His thumb hovered over your picture in his contacts, as he tried to imagine what he’d say if you actually answered. 

In the end, he fell asleep at the kitchen table, his phone in his hand. He woke up late, hungover, unprepared for his flight. He’d barely made it - Mr. Kim had sped the whole way to the airport, and they’d been calling his name over the loudspeaker when Seokjin jogged up to his gate. 

He checked his phone desperately when the plane landed, hoping to see your name on his screen. 

No luck. 

Eventually, enough time passed that Seokjin felt… well, stupid even bringing it up. If you’d wanted to talk about it, you could have, right? It must have been just a hook-up to you, just a bit of fun at a party. 

Seokjin lied to himself, told himself it didn’t matter, told himself he didn’t care. He spent the night of a full moon boxing up Chelsea’s shit and sent it in the mail.

–

It’s something Seokjin tries hard to hide about himself. He laughs loud, makes dumb jokes, wrestles Jungkook in public, tries to control the narrative. Tries to keep anyone from looking too closely. 

He doesn’t want them to know he’s so afraid, that his fear is often the boss of him. 

It’s fear that kept him from calling you after that night, fear that kept him from reaching out when he was twenty-one and you fell asleep in his bed, fear that kept him from telling you the truth when he was eighteen and graduating high school.

He’d sat at the end of his dad’s driveway in the dark, his party carrying on inside without him, wishing he could run - from his future, from his life stretching out ahead of him like a thin path through a sea of fog. He wanted to hit pause, wanted to stay here, wanted everything to stay just the same. He wanted to wake up in his father’s house, bicker with Minji and Jungkook over meals, hear the familiar sound of your voice calling hello from the front door. 

Instead, he was about to walk away from all of that. 

“Are you scared?” you’d asked him, appearing out of the dark like a damn apparition. 

Seokjin had laughed to hide how very dead-on you were. “Me?” he asked, as if it were ridiculous. As if he weren’t always scared, but doing what he was supposed to do in spite of it. “Never.”

And you had smiled at him indulgently, like you knew better. “About what? What’s the biggest thing?”

Losing you.

Losing you.

Losing you.

He doesn’t even know what bullshit answer he gave you. Whatever it was, it wasn’t the truth.

Seokjin stands in the middle of the street watching your tail lights disappear, cast in red and shadows and regret.

All that… it doesn’t matter now…

It didn’t mean anything…

I never got to tell you to your face that you’re an asshole…

You were out of your head… to make a mistake like me…

I can’t do this again… I think it’ll kill me if I do…

He doesn’t even bother to tell his family he’s going somewhere. He gets into his car, the stereo blaring to life as it connects to his phone, then takes off across town. 

Towards the swanky apartments.

–

Your phone rings, and rings, and rings, and rings. 

You know you could just turn it off - a normal person would just turn it off. 

You’re home again, on your couch with a blanket wrapped around you, lights down low, feeling sorry for yourself. Your phone screen lights up on the coffee table before you, then goes dark as the call goes to voicemail. 

Then it lights up again, rattling as it vibrates. Goes dark. Lights up again.

You snap on the ninth call.

“Oh my God, what?” you demand. “I don’t want to talk to you!”

“Which one’s yours?” Jin asks, his voice small against your ear. 

“What?”

“Which apartment’s yours?”

“Fuck off, Seokjin,” you tell him firmly. “I said I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I’ll start ringing doorbells,” he threatens. “I have a lot of time to spare.”

You fall silent, considering this. He would ring every doorbell in the whole damn complex if it helped him win. 

“How’d you even know where to go?” you ask instead. 

“You told me it was the one we used to trick-or-treat at,” he explains. 

This deflates you a little bit. With a sigh, you tell him your apartment number.

“See you in a minute,” he tells you, and hangs up.

“But I don’t want to talk to you,” you whisper, defeated, at no one. It’s only moments later that he pounds on your door. Resigned, you shuffle to the door, the blanket still wrapped around you like armor. 

“What do you want, Seokjin?” you ask flatly. “I told you, I can’t do this.”

“Define this,” he says, and there’s something gentle in the request. 

“Make the same mistakes over and over,” you clarify. “Get nowhere. Gain nothing. Hurt.”

“You keep saying mistake,” he murmurs. He lifts his eyes to meet yours, and you take a step away when they do, knocked physically backwards by how broken he looks. “Can we talk?” he asks. “Can I come in?”

You purse your lips but step aside, letting him inside, letting the door close behind him. “We can talk,” you allow, mostly because he’d looked so devastated, and you feel guilty about it. “But you’d better keep your hands to yourself.”

You settle back down on the couch, and Jin perches at the edge of a wingback chair on the opposite side. 

You look at each other silently for a minute. Then, you grumble, “You can get more comfortable than that.”

He scoots back less than an inch, looking at you expectantly.

“What?” You snap - again. You’re so on edge you think you might shatter. “You wanted to talk, so what are you looking at me for? Talk!”

He looks at his hands, then back at you. “I apologized without explaining,” he says slowly. “But I think you really need both.”

“You explained plenty,” you say, biting the words off before they can hurt you. “You were in a bad place -.”

“I didn’t mean that,” he cuts you off firmly. “What I meant is - I mean - that wasn’t the right way to say it. I didn’t mean… I wasn’t saying my head wasn’t in the right place. I wasn’t trying to imply that I was… fucked up, or upset, or anything like that. I made the choices I made with you that night because I wanted to, and I don’t regret them.”

You look at him, frozen. You feel too frozen to even breathe. “...Then?”

“It’s killing me,” he says, and has to stop and clear his throat as his voice breaks. He heaves a heavy breath and tries again. You wait him out, heart thudding, palms sweating. “It’s killing me to hear you keep calling it a mistake. Because it wasn’t, to me.”

All you can do is stare. You feel like you understand nothing. 

“But,” you try. “What? You never - we didn’t talk, after? After - after - you just left, you disappeared and left me outside in the dark, alone.” 

You didn’t mean the words to come out like an accusation, but they hit Seokjin like a slap. You watch him actually recoil, grimacing like he feels the sting across his cheek. 

You watch as a cloud of shame settles over his features. 

“I know I messed it up,” he admits. “I knew it that night. I should have talked to you first. But I… at the time, I felt like I had… loose ends that I needed to tie up first.”

Your eyes narrow, suspicious. “Loose ends like what?”

His eyes drop to the floor and he whispers, “I had to break up with my ex-girlfriend.”

“Kim Seokjin!” you exclaim in horror, a hand coming to cover your mouth. “Did you cheat on somebody with me?” 

“No, no!” he says quickly, hands coming up defensively. “I promise, it wasn’t like that. My ex and I… we had agreed to take a break before I came home that Christmas. But I still felt like… I felt like I did something really wrong. And then I didn’t want to talk to you about it - about what’s next or anything - until I’d told her that I was out… really out.”

“I don’t understand,” you tell him. Your head is spinning, trying desperately to make sense of what he’s telling you. 

Seokjin sighs, rubs a hand over his face. “I shouldn’t have just walked away from you,” he says, and there’s something almost pleading in his voice - just barely. “I thought I could go deal with her and then talk to you - but you were gone.”

“You could have called. You could have texted. You could have walked the twenty feet across the fucking street, Seokjin -.”

“I know!” he bursts out, leaning forward, his eyes on your face, desperate. “I know I should have! I was just - I wasn’t thinking straight, I was spiraling -.”

“Sure,” you interrupt flatly. “Toeing the line with infidelity will do that to a person -.”

“It wasn’t from that,” he snaps. He stands, walks to your balcony door, seems to stare down his own reflection. His ears are red - frustration, this time. 

When he turns around, he’s calmer again. “It wasn’t because of that,” he repeats more quietly. “It was because you walked into my dad’s house that night and I was suddenly face-to-face with the fact that for the first time in my life, I had a name for what I feel for you.”

Silence crashes between you. You find yourself also standing, the blanket you were wrapped in falling half on the couch and half on the floor. You stare at him wildly, hands shaking at your sides. It takes everything in you to not just utter, “Huh?”

Instead, you whisper, “I think I need you to explain.”

He throws his hands up in exasperation, stalks closer to you, looms over you. “I love you,” he says plainly, and the room swings around you. “I think I always have - but I didn’t know until that night. And I didn’t want to tell you until I’d dealt with her.

“I know I messed everything up that night,” he says, eyebrows furrowed, “and I’m sorry.”

“Seokjin,” you manage, the word coming out like a gasp. “You what?”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats.

You shake your head vehemently. “Before that.”

He steps closer, close enough to step on the blanket you’d dropped, close enough that you can feel his warmth, close enough that you could touch him if you were stupid enough to -

“I love you,” he murmurs, hovering ever closer. The words sound musical dripping from his mouth.

“How did you not know until then?” you whisper, looking up at him. “I knew when I was sixteen.”

He lets out a breath like a laugh. Your hand hesitates somewhere near his stomach. “I’m an idiot,” he explains. Then, voice deepening, he asks, “Do I still have to keep my hands to myself?”

“You’d better not,” you manage to say, and then you can’t say anything because he’s kissing you firmly, one hand on your face and the other pressing you closer by the small of your back. 

It feels different to kiss him now than the first two times. The first time, two years ago, had been desperate, fast and frantic from the onset. Tonight, an hour ago, it had been laced with regret. This time feels somehow freeing. It feels like flying. 

You loop your arms around his neck and try to lift yourself closer, pressing your body against his. He runs a hand down the back of your head, skims it down your spine, grips you by the waist and pulls you in tight with a deep but barely audible grunt. 

You bring your hands to cup his face, pulling away from the heated kiss. “You don’t have a sort-of girlfriend I should know about this time, right?”

He huffs a laugh, nose bumping yours as he tries to get your mouth back. “Shut up,” he laughs, starting to walk you backwards towards your open bedroom door, his clever fingers finding the hem of your shirt and pulling it up over your head as you walk. You do the same, tugging his t-shirt free and tossing it on your bedroom floor. 

He drinks in the sight of you, eyes burning paths along every newly bared inch of skin. His hands skim up your stomach, glide over your ribs, caress your shoulders, before finding the clasp of your bra. His eyes find yours, silently asking.

You give him a nod, your own hands tracing the lightly defined muscles along his stomach, making him shiver. He pinches the clasp, guides the straps down your goosebump covered arms, looks at you with nothing less than wonder. Then, gently, he covers your tits with both large hands, thumbs stroking the soft skin they find before moving to lightly roll each nipple once. 

You close your eyes and keen a little, just a tiny noise, and let him explore you. You hadn’t taken off your top last time - it had been so quick, desperate. 

But thinking about last time has you needy as you remember just how fucking good Jin’s cock had felt, how perfect the stretch was, how every drag of him made your eyes roll back. You kiss him again, feverish, as he continues to toy with you. A tiny part of you thrills at the forbidden aspect of this - this is Jin with his hand on your tit, Jin tugging you closer by your waistband, Jin pressing himself hot and hard against your leggings, Jin groaning into your mouth when you pop the button on his jeans and slip your hand into his boxers, stroking him to full length. You hadn’t touched him, last time – not like this. He’s hot and heavy and thick, velvet soft against your palm as you work him base to tip again and again, delighting in the low grunts and catches in his breath your fingers elicit.

You finally whine, throbbing and tingling and desperate for more, and he laughs against your neck and hooks his thumbs under your waistband and peels off your leggings, using the opportunity to back you up until you’re sitting on your bed with a bounce. He lets his own jeans drop to the floor and crawls over you; your hands come to his jaw as he kisses you ferociously, like he can’t think of anything else - not food, not water, not air - just your mouth.

Then he moves his mouth to your neck, sucking lightly and then soothing over the spots with gentle kisses. “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” he whispers. “It feels kind of surreal.”

“What about -,” you breathe.

“Last time doesn’t count,” he growls, and slides his hand over your mound, fingers skimming over your clothed clit and pressing your panties against your opening. You squirm against him, trying to increase the pressure, wanting him inside more than you want anything.

“Please,” you murmur. 

“Please what?” he asks, pushing himself up to look down at you, his eyes sparkling with mischief. 

“Need more,” you gasp, still pushing back against his fingers. Even over your panties, they slide along your slickness. “Need to feel you.”

All his breath leaves him in a rush when you say this, and you lift up a little to help him slide your panties down your legs. You try to reach for him, fingers glancing along the fabric of his boxers, but your brain loses all sense of purpose as Seokjin sinks two fingers into you, pumping them casually a few times before crooking them and rubbing them firmly against your front wall. 

The sound you make comes from deep within you, a low groan echoing around you as your eyes flutter closed. 

He’s lying alongside you and you bury your face in his chest as he works you open. Sounds fall from your mouth, sharp and desperate, as the pressure in your lower belly tightens and tightens, as sparks flash behind your eyelids, as your toes curl and feet press into the mattress frantically. You can feel him pressing insistently against your leg as he brings you closer and closer to the edge, and it’s this fact that sends you spiraling, uttering his name through gritted teeth as every muscle goes impossibly tight. 

He kisses you sweetly as you come down from it, slowly pulling his fingers from you and reaching around to grab a handful of your ass as the kiss naturally deepens, as he falls into it, head first. 

You’re still half floating when he removes himself, and you hear the shuffle of fabric as he digs through his pants, and then a telltale thump as he tosses his wallet back into the clothing pile. He returns, kisses you again, tweaking a nipple and eliciting a whine from you. 

“You good?” he breathes, lips barely centimeters from yours. 

“‘M good,” you manage, gripping his forearms in preparation for the stretch, for the burn, for the deluge of sensation. 

He pushes into you slowly, sheathing himself completely with a deep groan from within his chest. 

“You feel so good,” he tells you, punctuating this with a quick nip on your jaw, before starting to roll his hips. You moan once, loud, head flopping back as his cock drags against your already-sensitive, still-fluttering walls. 

Everything’s different this time. It feels like leisure, it feels like luxury - to get to reach up and kiss him, his lips firm and grounding as the slide of him sends you floating. Luxury, to get to run your hands along the bare skin of his arms, shoulders, and back. Luxury to dig your nails in just a little bit when his angle shifts, to hear his breathing hitch when you do. Luxury to lean back and meet his eyes, burning on yours, fire and love and happiness and passion swimming in them, beneath his furrowed brow, knit in concentration.

You feel so full of him, it’s like he’s touching everywhere, all of you all at once. He brushes a hand down the side of your face, so gently, then slides it under your ass to adjust the angle again. 

“Fuck, oh my god,” you utter, shifting to take him even deeper. “What the fuck.” 

“Good,” he whispers, slowing his pace and pushing into you purposefully, pausing each time he’s buried as far as he can be, feeling you clench around him before dragging out again, steady.

You’re temple to temple, his breath huffs and gasps near your ear. You cling to him tightly, white-knuckled as you try to take everything he gives you. You groan in mingled unison when he speeds up again, pushing himself up onto his knees and grabbing your waist as leverage, pulling you to meet every thrust. 

“Oh -,” you gasp, surprised by the intensity, surprised by how quickly you can feel yourself unraveling a second time, “- god, Jin, fuck, holy shit -.”

“That’s right,” he coaxes, voice deep and honeyed, an entirely new sound to him. “Tell me. What is it, beautiful?”

“I - I can’t,” you gasp, eyes screwing shut, fingers gripping the blanket beneath you so hard that an absent part of your brain worries it’ll tear. “I’m gonna come again - Jin -.”

“Yes you can,” he soothes, and his thumb suddenly on your clit almost has you shooting off the bed, a scream caught in your throat. “Give me another one.”

The pressure is blinding, your muscles so tight that you know you’ll be sore, and though you can’t see anything but bursts of color through your tightly closed eyes, you can hear Seokjin swear fiercely before a low, wordless moan is tugged from him as he tries to hold on through your orgasm. 

As you blink your way back to reality, Jin lowers his forehead to yours and doubles his pace, hips slapping your ass, uttering sounds that are increasingly desperate and broken - half-formed syllables of your name, something that might be please, ragged groans that cut off mid-way as gasps, only to begin again on his exhale. His arms cage you in and you feel yourself floating higher with him surrounding you, keeping everything else at bay.

His arms tighten around you when he comes, breathing out a loud, strangled, “ahhhhh -” as he empties himself inside you, his fingers twitching and pace faltering. He slows, his heart hammering inches from yours, then flops next to you, breathing heavily. He pats your thigh fondly, as if to say, good work, then scans the room. Finding what he was looking for - a small wastebasket under your desk - he staggers over to handle the condom before dropping heavily next to you again, eyes closed as he catches his breath.

“Seokjin,” you murmur, fingers finding his and lacing them together. “Don’t leave again. Okay? Don’t leave me, now.”

He rolls to face you, his hand coming to tug you closer, into his embrace.

“Never,” he promises, lips against your hair, his arms around your back, his heart racing yours towards a finish line neither of you can clearly see. “I swear. Never again.”

–

He does leave, a few hours later, apologizing over and over again. 

“Dad’s doing pretty well during the day now,” he explains as he gets dressed gingerly. “But at night he has trouble - after sleeping he gets stiff and has trouble getting up without some help. Or, his ice bag melts and he can’t get downstairs to change it out. I texted him that I’d be back, but that was hours ago.”

“Go,” you tell him. “I understand.” 

You do - of course you do. But it doesn’t stop you from being a little nervous when he slips out your front door, leaving you alone in the silence of your apartment. You’re too hyped up to sleep. You strip the bed, throwing the sheets in a hamper and putting on new ones, and go to shower. When you emerge, warm and finally sleepy, you get into bed and turn off your lamp, grabbing your phone to scroll until your eyes are heavy. 

[12:14 AM] Jin 😎: home. dad’s fine. let’s talk tmrw?

You smile, typing an answer, illuminated by your phone screen.

[12:36 AM] You: glad to hear it. yeah, sounds good

You’re not sure how to leave it. Would a heart be too much? He’d said he loved you… but what is this now? Where do you go from here? What are the boundaries, what are the rules?

You fall asleep without answers. 

In the morning, your alarm ringing feels like your own personal torture in hell. You’re sore from head to toe, like you knew you would be. You take a longer, hotter shower than normal, hoping the hot water will soothe your aching muscles. It helps, but only a little. 

You’re absent-minded at work all morning, messing up multiple times and yawning so loudly that Dale actually asks you if you want him to go grab you some coffee from the break room. 

“No,” you say sheepishly. “Sorry. I didn’t sleep well.” 

Salvation comes in the form of a text message, about an hour before your lunch break.

[11:27 AM] Jin 😎: good morningggg [11:27 AM] You: i mean, barely [11:27 AM] You: it’s almost noon, sir [11:28 AM] Jin 😎: excuse you [11:28 AM] Jin 😎: some of us need our beauty sleep

You laugh out loud, Dale shooting you another look over his shoulder. 

[11:28 AM] Jin 😎: come over tonight [11:29 AM] Jin 😎: i want to cook you dinner [11:29 AM] Jin 😎: my dad will be up but we can be normal… he’ll go to bed by 9 anyway [11:29 AM] You: my parents will see my car outside [11:30 AM] Jin 😎: i’ll come get you then. be there at 6?

You agree, and manage to actually do a few productive things with your afternoon, now that there’s a solid plan for later, now that you aren’t wondering if Seokjin will manage to vanish from your life for another two years.

You feel guilty for worrying about it, but you can’t help yourself. You’d meant what you’d told him last night, at your car, before he’d come to your place. Having him and losing him the first time had been earth-shattering. You couldn’t do it twice.

–

Jin picks you up right when he said he would, his car idling outside your building right at six o’clock. You slide into the passenger seat and he pulls away, music playing low through the car’s speaker system. 

“How was your day?” he asks, glancing over at you. 

“Couldn’t focus for shit,” you admit. “I think I pissed off my teammate.”

He chuckles. “Tomorrow’s a chance to do better.”

“Don’t distract me so much tomorrow, then.”

He grins at you, obviously not sorry in the slightest. “I distracted you? We barely talked.”

You purse your lips at him playfully. “I had a lot on my mind, and all of it’s your fault.” You say it teasingly, but he goes serious. 

“Let’s talk tonight,” he suggests. “After my dad goes to bed.” He reaches out, smoothes a hand down your leg, leaves it resting on your knee. 

“That’s probably a good idea,” you murmur, your eyes on his hand. You’re wondering how just that - just his hand resting on your knee - can cause goosebumps to rise up and down your arms. 

When Seokjin leads you into the house, Mr. Kim is awake, watching television in the living room. He seems surprised to see you, but greets you warmly.

“To what do we owe the pleasure?” he asks, more polite than what are you doing here, which is probably what he wants to ask. 

“Minji’s busy tonight and I needed a hand with dinner and everything,” Seokjin lies easily, slipping his shoes off. “Y/N’s doing me a huge favor. Are you good, Dad? Do you need anything?”

“New ice pack,” you answer for him, eyeing the bag of mostly water that rests on Mr. Kim’s propped-up knee. “Can I help with that?”

You change out the ice pack and rejoin Seokjin in the kitchen, where he has something simmering on the stovetop and is busy chopping something else. You sit at the table, nursing the beer he offered you, watching him work. You chat casually with him - discussing what shows you’ve been watching, gossiping about Minji’s last boyfriend, getting updates on what Jungkook is up to out west. When the meal is ready you both eat in the living room with Mr. Kim, where he peppers you with questions about your job (it’s boring), how your parents are (same ol’, same ol’), if you’re keeping Minji in line (as if anyone could). 

Seokjin turns out to be right - Mr. Kim requests to go upstairs to bed before nine. Seokjin helps him up the stairs, gets him settled, and returns downstairs to find you up to your elbows in suds at the kitchen sink.

“I was going to do that,” he scolds.

You shrug. “No reason I can’t help. Dinner was delicious, by the way. I forgot how well you cook.”

“How could you forget?” he protests, moving to the fridge to get himself a beer. “I take offense to that.”

“Don’t go so long without cooking for me next time, then,” you counter playfully, wiping your hands down with a dish towel and moving to sit across the table from him.

“Live closer to my city, then,” he gives it right back.

“No, no, no,” you shake your head firmly. “You moved far. You don’t get to put that on me.”

He crosses his arms and leans back in his chair. You’re tempted to crawl onto his lap and you have to squash the urge down. You’re here to talk, not to kiss.

You settle into quiet as you consider this, consider all the fears and misgivings you’d been plagued with last night and all morning. 

Seokjin reaches under the table with his leg and gently kicks at your knee. “Talk to me,” he says. “Tell me what’s happening up there.” He points with the top of his beer bottle in the general direction of your head. 

It makes you smile, in spite of everything.

You consider, for a second, playing it off. But you and Seokjin have circled each other for damn near a decade. Isn’t it time for some honesty? When will you ever have an open invitation like this again?

“I’m scared this is just going to be like before,” you admit. “Even if you don’t - I mean… even if you do everything right, the truth is you still have to get on a plane in less than two weeks. I just don’t see an ending here that isn’t you leaving me behind again.”

Jin lets out a long breath, his eyes on the table. “I should have asked you this a long time ago,” he says slowly, raising his eyes to meet your gaze again. “But… what do you want?”

You don’t answer. You can’t answer. You’ve never in your life, not even in your head, put words to it before. The want, the wish, it’s too much to ask for. It’s the thing you’ve spun around for your whole life, the thing whose gravitational pull keeps you in orbit, and it’s too much to look at directly. 

He nudges you with his foot beneath the table again, gently. You look at your beer, condensation gathering around your fingers on the glass. He says your name softly. 

“If you can’t tell me,” he points out, “then we’re really stalled out. And I don’t think that’s what either of us wants.”

It’s the encouragement you need. 

“I want to be with you,” you whisper, still unable to look at him. “But I know that’s not…” Not possible. “I mean, you live so far, we both have jobs…”

He leans forward, reaching out and peeling your hand away from your glass bottle, holding your fingers tenderly. He says your name, waits until you finally look up at him. 

“I’m willing to try and figure it out,” he says seriously, and you feel something inside your ribs crack and shift. Hope that you’d kept caged for your entire adult life springs to life, starts throwing itself bodily against its confines, the cracks beginning to splinter, an escape imminent. 

He is? He wants that? What would that even look like? Would you be long distance? Would one of you have to move? What about Minji?

He says your name again, and you snap your eyes back up. “Let’s just…” he starts, then sighs. “I’m here for another ten days. Let’s make the most of them and see what we think closer to the end.”

It feels like delaying an execution, you think. But how do you say no? He’s offering you ten days of what you’ve always wanted - even if there’s an expiration date flashing before you, how can you possibly turn it down? 

“What about Minji?” you ask, the one question you have to voice. 

Across the table, his face goes tight. He withdraws his hand, picks absently at the sticker on his beer bottle. “Let’s keep her out of it until we decide what we want,” he says. Each we flies through you like lightning. “Does that seem fair? Let’s let this be about you and me, first.”

That’s fair - and it sounds good, honestly - but part of you is aware and anxious knowing this means you’ll be lying to Minji, having to hide things.

“Okay,” you say uneasily. “I guess you’re right.”

He looks over at you silently for a second. “C’mere,” he finally murmurs, scoots his chair back.

“We’ll break the chair,” you protest, even though you’re already moving, settling on his lap and reveling in the feeling of his strong arms around you, holding you closer.

“Then we break the chair,” he says easily, then kisses you deeply. 

You loop your arms around his neck and turn, lifting a leg over his lap to straddle him. He holds you up by your back at first, but it isn’t long before he’s got one hand tangled in your hair and one on your ass, groaning quietly into your mouth as you grind down on the growing bulge you feel beneath you. It’s been less than twenty-four hours since you had him last, but you can’t hold it back. You want him again. 

He settles both hands on your waist, pulling you down harder onto his clothed erection, helping you set a rhythm as you move against him, your mouth traveling down the column of his neck. 

“What if your dad wakes up?” you manage to whisper, your hands slipping under his shirt and brushing along the muscles they find there. 

“He can’t get downstairs without help,” Jin answers, biting off a groan as you lift his shirt up over his head, placing it on the chair next to you. He kisses you feverishly, leaning you back against the edge of the kitchen table, which scoots a little from the force of it. 

“Want you,” you murmur, and Jin tightens his hand on your ass in reply, then wraps his other arm around your back again and stands. You squeal as he lifts you, and he shushes you through a quiet laugh.

“Where are we going?” you hiss, clinging tight to him with both arms and legs as he moves through the kitchen.

“My wallet’s in my room,” he tells you. “And as much as I’d love to bend you over the kitchen table someday, I didn’t want to stop touching you long enough to go deal with that.”

Your pussy throbs at the words and you let out a disbelieving laugh. “Jesus,” you say.

“Seokjin,” he corrects. 

You smack his shoulder, laughing, as he enters his darkened bedroom, closing and locking the door behind you.

“We do have to be a little quiet,” he warns you. “He can’t come down here without my help, but if he wakes up, this house isn’t super sound-proof.”

“I remember,” you say dryly, remembering being scolded dozens of times for laughing and talking too loudly with Minji on sleepovers. “I can be quiet. It’s you I’m worried about.”

“I wasn’t the one screaming last night,” he growls, close to your ear. You smack his shoulder a second time and he laughs, setting you down and turning to dig through his wallet, tossing the foil packet onto his nightstand before turning his attention back to you.

“Ready now?” you ask, arching an eyebrow sassily. 

He laughs again, low and disbelieving, like you’re playing a dangerous game. Another thrill runs through you. You step forward, closing the distance between you, chest to chest with him. You want to run your hands over his stomach, over his pecs, over his shoulders and down his arms. Instead, you press your fingers into his chest and push. He lets you, falling backwards onto his bed and looking up at you, eyes suddenly hooded with desire. 

You pull your shirt over your head and toss it on the floor. Your bra follows, and you stand there, looking him up and down as he runs a hand over the front of his jeans, watching you eagerly. 

“Jeans off,” you tell him. “Actually, scratch that - all of it off.”

He hurries to comply, radiating just happy to be here energy, and by the time you’ve pulled off your own slacks and panties he’s back to laying on his back, legs hanging off the end of the bed, one hand wrapped invitingly around the base of his dick as he pumps it languidly, his eyes on your tits.

“Condom,” you say, and his brow furrows.

“Want to touch you first,” he complains, sitting up a little. 

“Condom,” you repeat firmly.

He reaches for the foil. You wait patiently, thrilling at this game, excited to see what else will unfold. 

He waits, too, one side of his mouth lifted as he watches you. You crawl over him, pressing your mouth to his determinedly. He leans up into the kiss, one hand coming up to roll a nipple between thumb and forefinger before switching to the other. You groan quietly, then reach behind you to line him up. It’ll be a challenge without any stretching first and you know it, but tonight you don’t care. 

You sink down on him slowly, lifting up and dropping back down in intervals to slick him up. He grits his teeth to keep quiet, large hands spanning your hips as he helps guide you. 

For a long time he lets you lead, lifting up and dropping down, leaning forward so he’ll hit that spot each time, rocking back and forth when your legs need a break. He moans so prettily below you, eyes squeezed shut, it eggs you on. You slow your pace, lifting up over him until you’ve almost come off completely, then working your hips back down, clenching over him as you drop again. As you repeat this motion you hear the change in his tone almost instantly - he goes whiney, high-pitched ah - ah - ah-s falling from him until he pulls a pillow around over his face to muffle the sound. 

Finally, he snaps, unable to take your torture any longer. He grips the back of your neck with one hand, holds you tightly in place with his arm across your back with the other, flattens his feet against the floor and begins to piston into you, merciless. 

You cry out once before hiding your face in the crook of his neck as he continues the onslaught, those whiney sounds settling back into deep grunts of effort. 

Your orgasm slams out of nowhere; you were so overcome with the sensation of him fucking in and out of you so roughly that you didn’t even feel the build-up - all the feelings muddled together in a cacophony of sparks and shudders. You wail into his neck, trying hard to keep the sound as low as you can manage, as you feel yourself tighten around him like a vice grip. He cries out, too, his pumps going erratic, and then he stills beneath you, his hands still clutching your hips for dear life.

“Shit,” he breathes finally, giving you a light tap so you’ll lift up and let him handle the mess. You roll to his side and watch him affectionately as he ties up the condom and buries it beneath some papers in his wastebasket. 

“Don’t let me forget to deal with that in the morning,” he requests, flopping next to you.

“I’ll try my best,” you tell him seriously, wrapping an arm around his middle and snuggling in. He rests his arm over your back. 

“Was all of that… okay?” you ask, just to be sure. 

He shakes his head, lips pursing. “Hated it,” he teases. 

You growl in frustration, and he laughs again, reaching to smooth down your hair. “Will you stay tonight?”

You consider this. “I don’t think I can,” you say sadly. “I have work in the morning, I’d have to get up and go back there at like four in order to shower and everything.”

He sighs heavily. “That means I have to get up and drive you back.”

“Poor baby,” you deadpan. 

He nods, agreeing with this. “Do you need to go back now?” he asks, lifting his phone to eye the time. “Can I take you in a little bit?”

“Yeah,” you agree, snuggling in tighter to his side. “We can wait a little. I don’t want to move. Not yet.”

--

Your workday is interrupted the next morning by a flower delivery. The secretary at your office walks the vase back to your cubicle, a look between confusion and irritation on her face. 

“Thanks,” you tell her hollowly, eyeing the bouquet carefully. There’s a tiny card amongst the greenery, but instead of a signature there’s simply a smiley face. The flowers are pretty - you turn the vase carefully so you can look from all sides. Not roses, but a variety of types and colors. You smile, remembering ranting to Minji in his basement as a teenager that roses were boring and overdone.

Behind you, Dale sneezes violently once, twice, three times.

“Sorry,” you say sheepishly. “I’ll take them home with me tonight.”

You text Seokjin a picture of the flowers on your desk.

[10:39 AM] You: what are you doing??? [10:39 AM] Jin 😎: trying to make up for past seokjin [10:39 AM] Jin 😎: that guy was an idiot [10:42 AM] Jin 😎: …is it working?

You smile despite yourself. 

[10:42 AM] You: it’s certainly not hurting anything [10:43 AM] You: they’re really pretty [10:43 AM] You: thank you [10:44 AM] You: i’m having dinner with my parents tonight… i’ll text you when we’re done and see what you’re up to? [10:45 AM] Jin 😎: i know what i’ll be up to [10:45 AM] Jin 😎: waiting for my girl

–

You slip across the street after telling your parents goodnight. Seokjin lets you in the front door. Mr. Kim is still up, his leg on a stack of pillows on the couch. He greets you warmly and you sit and talk with them both. It isn’t long before you hear the familiar beep from outside - Minji’s car.

You look at Seokjin in alarm. You knew you’d have to play pretend in front of her eventually… you hadn’t expected it to be so soon.

“Hey!” Minji greets, coming through the front door in a tornado of sounds and bags and shoes. “What are you doing here?”

“I was at my parents’,” you say, hoping it sounds natural. “I just thought I’d come say hello for a minute.”

She narrows her eyes at you, that Minji look. Then she drops her bag on the floor and saunters towards the kitchen.

“Is there food?” she asks.

“I cooked,” Jin tells her. You shoot him a desperate save me look and follow her into the kitchen.

She busies herself in the fridge and you sit, trying to figure out how to get out there without raising her suspicions even further. 

“So,” she says breezily, without even turning to look at you. “You got laid. Want to spill?”

“Minji!” you cry, horrified.

“What?” she laughs. “It must’ve been good, too. You’ve got that glow.”

Out in the living room, you hear Seokjin choke, erupting into a fit of coughing. You try to look like you don’t even notice.

“Minji,” you complain. “Don’t be gross!”

She grins at you. “Please. I’m jealous. And it’s been a long time for you. So, spill! Who’s the guy?”

Seokjin does save you, then, coming into the kitchen and swatting at Minji’s elbow. “If you’re going to be crass, could you lower your voice? Dad doesn’t need to hear all that.”

She sticks her tongue out at him, then goes back to making her plates. “I’m right though,” she grumbles, definitely at a lower volume. “Look at her. The glow doesn’t lie.”

–

The next night you spend the golden evening hours wrapped up with Jin on your couch. 

“Who’s making dinner for your dad?” you ask, rolling lazily on your back and looking up at him.

“I asked Minji to handle dinner tonight,” he tells you. “I told her I was grabbing dinner with some friends.”

“I don’t love the lying,” you admit, “but this is really nice.” You sigh happily and he pulls you in for a hug, kissing the top of your head.

“It is nice,” he echoes, a little sadly. 

You think you must both be thinking about how he’s going home in eight more days. 

“Jin?”

“Hm?”

“How come you never told me?”

He shifts so he can look down at you. “What?”

“If you knew you…” Loved me. “...had feelings for me… why didn’t you say anything?”

He makes a face you can’t read; it’s cousins with a grimace but not quite the same. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he counters.

“I can actually answer that,” you tease, poking him in the ribs. He squirms, whining. “It was because I had zero inkling that you’d be interested. The first time I ever thought you could be was… that night… and then I got the idea that you weren’t into it after all.”

You look at him expectantly, as if saying, okay, your turn. 

His ears are red.  “You’re gonna make me say it, huh?” he asks flatly, avoiding your gaze. 

“I am curious,” you murmur, running a hand up his arm. 

He holds you tighter, rolling on his side to get his arms all the way around you.  With you tucked safely in his embrace, he doesn’t have to look at you when he says, “I guess I was scared. The whole time.”

“Of what?” you ask, your voice muffled by his shirt.

You can feel him shrug. “Of fucking it up. Of pissing off Minji to the point it hurt your friendship. Of it not being as good as I built it up in my head. Of not being… enough to make you happy.”

“Hey,” you say sharply. “That could never be true.” You wiggle a little, sitting up a bit so you can look at him again. “Don’t put so much pressure on it,” you tell him gently. “It doesn’t need to be perfect or nothing, you know? We can just… be.”

He rests his head on yours, fingers tracing patterns on your upper arms. “I like the sound of that,” he admits. 

On the coffee table, your phone rings - several long buzzes, the sound even louder in the quiet room. Jin reaches over your shoulder and picks it up, handing it to you.

“It’s my sister,” he tells you.

“Do you want to come have dinner at my dad’s?” Minji asks when you answer. “Jin went out with some friends so I’m here by myself and I am bored.”

“Oh, sorry Minji… I can’t tonight. I’m actually still at the office,” you lie, and Seokjin’s eyebrows shoot up in amusement. 

She groans. “Fine, leave me here to suffer,” she laments.

“You’re all so dramatic,” you tell her. “Jungkook is the only normal one.” Seokjin kicks your shin gently, pretending to scowl in offense.

“Speaking of Jungkook,” Minji says, clearly perking up, “what about tomorrow night? My dad invited over his golf buddy’s whole family, and he wants all of us there to make him look good. Even Jungkook is coming.”

“I fail to see how I fit into this equation,” you tell her flatly. 

She makes a loud noise of frustration, and you pull the phone away from your ear briefly. Seokjin’s eyebrows inch even higher. “It’s just gonna suck,” she whines. “I have to dress up and act like a real adult, and they’re gonna ask me questions about work and if I’m dating and I would just really appreciate it if you were there to make me feel less pathetic.”

“Because I, too, am a disgrace to adulthood?” you clarify.

She cackles. “Because we can roll our eyes at each other and talk shit about them later? Doesn’t that sound nice?”

“Not as nice as staying in my own home in my sweatpants,” you say, even though you already know you’ll be going. It’s a chance to spend the night with Jin, one week before he flies home again. “Your dad won’t care that he has an extra child all of a sudden?”

“Nah,” she says easily, happy that you’ve consented. “He won’t care at all. Right, Dad?”

When you hang up, Seokjin is looking at you expectantly, waiting for the explanation. 

“I guess I’m attending your dad’s fancy dinner party tomorrow,” you tell him. Then, frowning, you ask, “How’s he hosting that when he can barely get around?”

Jin rolls his eyes. “You get three guesses who’s doing all the cooking, and the first two don’t count.”

You giggle. “Well,” you say happily, “now I get to see you tomorrow night, too!”

–

You are a fool. You know it the second Mr. Kim’s guests come through the front door. The Parks seem nice enough - a married couple near Mr. Kim’s age, both greying and soft-spoken. The problem is the Trojan Horse they bring with them - their daughter, Sumin. She’s around your age, pretty, and you know instantly that this dinner is a set-up.

The whole evening is unbearable - because it goes well. Seokjin, clueless, is so charming that you think even Mr. Park falls in love with him before dessert. 

Around the dinner table, Mr. Kim introduces each of his children. You notice, even if no one else does, that he gives more details about Jin’s university achievements and current career than he does for Minji or Jungkook. Quite a sales pitch, actually. 

You notice, even if no one else does, how Mr. and Mrs. Park cling to every word, their smiles growing when they hear that Seokjin is smart, has a respectable and stable job with solid income. You notice, even if no one else does, how Sumin toys nervously with the bangles on her wrist, looking sideways at Seokjin and blushing prettily. 

Your stomach turns.

“And my daughter’s best friend,” Mr. Kim introduces you, even though no one cares, certainly not the Parks, “who grew up in this house with them. I consider her a second daughter.”

The Parks don’t let Sumin speak for herself, either - they handle the sales pitch the same way Mr. Kim had for Seokjin. Fact for fact - university background, current job, philanthropic efforts, extracurriculars. You’re tempted to text Minji, “Well, I’d HIRE her if nothing else.” 

You largely tune the rest of the conversation out. You’re too busy watching how Seokjin doesn’t even look at her, keeps his eyes on his plate when they’re not on you. You exist on the edge, peripherally involved at best.

That is, until you hear Mr. Park laugh, “And what are the odds that you two would end up in the same city? Is it really so far? Yah, we ask her to come home more often and you’d think we were asking her to get a medical procedure done!”

“The flights are a bit of a hassle,” Sumin says with an apologetic smile. 

“She’s right,” Jin adds, unable to help himself; he had a personal vendetta against the airline that had brought him home this time. “And there are no train lines that make sense. It is a hassle.”

“It’ll be nice for Sumin to have another good friend in the city,” Mrs. Park says with a gracious smile, nodding to Seokjin. “Many of her university friends ended up abroad for work.”

No one notices that Minji and Jungkook are taking turns making faces across the table from each other. No one notices that you’ve gone silent as the grave.

Except Seokjin, who spends all of dinner shooting you looks that you can’t decipher. 

You sigh in blessed relief when they finish the round of cocktails and say their goodbyes, smiles bright, Sumin’s eyes lingering on Seokjin as she follows her parents towards the front door. You’re unsettled as you station yourself at the kitchen sink, eager for a task to keep you busy. It’s clear to you that the Parks - all three - were sold. How easy would it be for Jin to accept this path? It feels like watching someone step into the place in his life that you’d wanted for as long as you can remember, and fit perfectly. More perfectly than you, who seem to barely fit at all. It feels like watching someone else get everything you ever wanted, without even having to work for it. 

Seokjin passes behind where you’re standing and goes through the kitchen door, out to the wooden porch. A minute later, Mr. Kim limps through the room, following after him. It’s not long before you can hear their voices floating through the open kitchen window.

You shouldn’t listen. Behind you, further in the house, you can hear Minji and Jungkook bickering. You grab a dish towel and start wiping down some of the plates you’ve already cleaned.

“Explain to me what the problem was,” Mr. Kim says sternly. You feel your stomach flip again.

“There wasn’t a problem,” Seokjin answers flatly. 

“You were rude,” Mr. Kim admonishes.

“I wasn’t rude,” Jin counters calmly. “I’m just not interested.”

There’s a thump, like Mr. Kim has slapped the porch railing in frustration. “And why not? She’s beautiful, educated, she’s got a good personality, comes from a good family. How could you not be interested? You’re thirty, for the love of God -.”

“I appreciate your concern,” Jin says, and it makes your chest clench how icy he sounds, “but like I said… I’m not interested.”

The silence goes on so long that you think maybe they moved where you can’t hear them anymore. Then, Mr. Kim’s voice floats through the window, quieter than before.

“Is it because of her?”

“Dad -.”

“For the love of God, Seokjin, how many more years do you plan to lose?” Mr. Kim demands, his voice loud again. “When will you figure out that you’re wasting your time?”

You drop the dish towel, manage to cling to the plate you’re holding. You feel nauseated. Is that what this is? A waste of his time? Are you fools for even pretending you could try? 

Minji comes up behind you, silent as a jungle cat. “What are they fighting about?” she whispers.

You push the plate into her hands blindly. “I have to go,” you say, brushing past her and heading through the house, out the front door, and across the yard. 

You’re halfway to your parents’ house when you hear Seokjin yell your name behind you.

“Hey!” he shouts when you don’t stop. You keep walking, but you can hear his footsteps jog to catch you. He catches your arm, gives it a tug to whirl you around.

“What?” you demand.

“Why are you upset?” he asks, eyes scanning your face, as if he’ll find answers. “What’s wrong?”

You laugh bitterly. “Your dad is right,” you say flatly. “You’re wasting your time. I’ve wasted your time for almost ten fucking years. What are we doing? Where is this going? In six days you’re getting on a plane again and we’ll be right where we were before. You’ve got a great option right in front of you - the least selfish choice for me here is to let you take it. The least selfish thing for me to do is to let you go, let you move on.”

You’re not sure when in this little speech you started crying; you aren’t even aware that it’s happening until Seokjin’s thumbs brush your cheeks and then swipe once more at your waterline, flicking away a fresh wave of tears. 

He looks so confused that you almost feel sorry for him. “What?” he asks. “Y/N, I’m obviously not interested in Sumin.”

“Why not?” you shoot back, anger rising - not at him, you don’t think. “Why not be interested in her? She’s perfect - gorgeous, more educated than me, from a richer family. God, she even lives in your city!” You sniff roughly, steeling yourself, feeling something inside you harden like cooling lava into rock. “You should call her,” you tell him firmly. “She’s the better option for you.”

“Why are you talking like this is ending?” he asks, his voice a whisper. “We’re not ending, we’re just starting.”

“I don’t know,” you cry, feeling stupid and a little like you're overreacting, but now that you’ve started you can’t stop. “Why are you picking the harder option? Why choose this? What happy ending can we possibly have?”

“Pick,” he repeats, putting a bit of a laugh into the word. “Who picked? I fell in love with you. There’s no choice about it. You’re the one I want. You’re the one I love. That’s all there is to it.”

This makes you cry harder, and he pulls you into his arms, resting his chin on top of your head. You bury your face in his shirt, let yourself be selfish for just one more minute.

It’s there, under the streetlight, hiding in Jin’s solid embrace, that Minji finds you.

She steps into the circle of orange glow that the streetlight creates, appearing out of the darkness without a sound. You and Jin both freeze, caught, no time to leap apart. When she speaks, you expect the sound to echo loudly in the quiet. Instead, her voice comes out hushed and shaking as she asks, “What… is going on here?”

&lt;- Prev || Next ->

oop!!!!!!!!!! >:) we have officially reached the point of the outline that read "Minji becomes the Problem" hehehe

thank you so so so much for reading!!!! Part 4: Perilune will post next Friday, June 23rd.

[jesterofcringe]

HAI would you ever do cg!lottie and little!nat (perhaps like babyspace) (sorry i love them too much)

Baby Bat

Caregiver!Lottie and Little!Natalie

paci Nat edit creds goes to @thedreemer-artrequestsopen it's literally their pfp lmao

[dako I love ur blog it's super cute btw]

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

★Due to both of their childhoods, they make a really good duo. Lottie loves being able to care for someone the way she wished she was when she was a kid, and Nat needs to drop the tough guy demeanor from time to time for her own sake. Slipping into little space/caregiver mind respectively works perfect for the both of them.

★Natalie for the most part can mask when she accidentally slips into little space, but Lottie can see right through her. It's all in the little things- rocking back and forth, mumbling, biting the pad of her thumbs- the signs are all there. Lottie is good about not making a big deal about it either, she just pulls Nat to the side and asks if she wants to go home,, most of the time the answer is yes.

★Its not uncommon for Lottie's clothes to just. Vanish. Mostly her sweatshirts and hoodies- Because of their height difference Lot's clothes run a bit big on Nat and Natalie loves the way she feels small in Lottie's stuff while in little space.

★Lottie is so gentle as a caregiver and it's super healing for Natalie. She's so used to being met with anger when she makes the smallest mistake, and Lottie's patience is something so new for her it makes her emotional every time.

"What happened? Are you alright?" Natalie is shaking and doesn't have the courage to answer as Lottie glances behind her to spot the spilled cereal on the floor as tears start to bubble in the corner of Natalie's eyes, "Oh, it was an accident, don't get upset I know it wasn't your fault. C'mon, we'll clean that together :)"

★Nat is also the type of little to always need something in her mouth. Lottie got her a real nice paci at some point but Nat is a certified paci destroyer and probably chewed it to bits,,, they stick to teethers for the most part but it's not uncommon for Nat to suck on the webs of her fingers or her thumbs. Nat will sometimes take Lottie's hand and use hers, which Lottie is ok with, and just fall asleep like that. Which normally is fine until Natalie instinctively bites down. Hard.

[Lottie has to remind Nat not to chew on the insides of her cheeks all the time btw]

★To add to this, Natalie isn't a very chatty little. Even when she has nothing in her mouth she mostly communicates in one or two worded answers or mumbles. Despite this, Lottie is AMAZING at figuring what Nat is trying to say even when given very little to work with.

[I will say Nat definitely vocal stims and Lottie probably vocal stims back. Like, Nat will make a random sound and Lottie will mimic it. They communicate like Pokemon lol]

★Lottie will often times "enforce" silly rules because little Nat is obviously a trouble maker and loves feeling rebellious- it's just easier for Lottie to keep tabs on Natalie's rule bending if it's artificial.

"You can have two candies after you eat all of your food," Natalie would then shake her head and hold up five fingers, "You want five?" this would be met with a quick head nod and a mischievous grin from Natalie, "Hmm.. only if you finish your dinner."

★Spontaneous games of hide and seek all the time,,, Natalie will suddenly run away from Lot and jump behind a large piece of furniture. There's only so many places to hide so Lottie is able to track her down almost immediately but she always takes her sweet time because Natalie always gets super excited at the idea of outsmarting her.

★"No Bubba we can't watch Nightmare on Elm Street, you're too little for that. How about Ghostbusters instead?"

">:P"

"...Alrighty then-"

★One of Lottie's biggest love languages is gift giving- she loves getting little toys and things she knows Nat would like. Natalie doesn't need much to be happy, but will never turn down a new hot wheels or some other trinket.

★Speaking of, Nat isn't really a stuffed animal enjoyer. She has a spiderman action figure that she's dragged to hell and back and it terrifies the hell out of Lottie because he's constantly covered in soot and she knows for a fact Nat puts him in her mouth but she can't prove it,,

[Natalie does have a deer plushie that she really likes because it reminds her of Lottie but she's never admit that]

★Lottie tapes up all of Natalie's little drawings on her walls. It could be a basic scribble and Lot would still put it up. She loves staring at them when she's home alone and struggling to fall asleep.

★Nat accidentally called Lottie some variant of Mom once. She got super embarrassed and apologized profusely but Lottie insisted that it was ok and Nat will now call her little things like that. Lottie always gets super excited hearing Natalie's little "Ma?" whenever she needs something

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I DEADASS FORGOT ABOUT THE BABY SPACE THING BUT IT'S ONE IN THE MORNING AND IM RLY TIRED SORRY DUDE HOPE THIS IS OK 😭

[skythealmighty]

Maximo "Lucky" Jonronero is extremely ADHD coded. in this essay i will

edit: someone asked for the essay, and since im not just about to sleep now, I can be coherent. lets start with the most damning evidence:

1. What he says to Miner during 5-X

Lucky: "I know...it's just... I was never much of anyone as a kid. Bad grades, couldn't ever focus, mom and dad yellin' at me... But on the field, everything was different. Without baseball...I feel like I'll just be that useless kid again."

this is, easily, already a common story among athletes with ADHD! not only that, but if he had no access to the right medication- and since i don't think he knows, he doesn't- it would be extremely hard to do schoolwork, much less homework, paired with all that pressure.

this also means, of course, his mom and dad likely also have undiagnosed ADHD, and possibly are projecting onto him! so yeah parent issues

2. His mannerisms at the start

at first this doesnt seem like that damning of evidence, but as a person with ADHD, his remarks resemble me. a lot.

one effect of having ADHD is this little bitch called emotional dysregulation, in which you can't- not "it's hard to", you can't- control your emotions to a degree, and they tend to get out of hand. from personal experience, it sucks ass, and especially if you dont know what it is, you get mad at your emotions for making you look like a child.

Lucky is mad. a lot. he also seems to bottle up as much as he can, a common pattern with myself. he also seems to understand that his overreactions are stupid, but he really just can't stop himself- if this is a pattern, it partially explains why he had a quicker turnaround than most would think to apologize to Paige. he KNOWS his constant anger is fucking dumb, but he can't stop it. he literally, biologically, has no power to stop it, as a person with adhd off meds.

3. The way he acts, in general

he gets distracted halfway through conversations. this also parallels with just how fast he was able to zone out in 5-3. this isn't very hard evidence, but it further perpetuates the "lack of focus" bit, which is also something he hates about himself! without knowing he has ADHD, that's not an uncommon jump of emotions

he doesn't seem to have any other interest than playing baseball at the moment (though it doesnt seem like that was always the case), but even then it seems to be dwindling out despite his best attempts (a common pattern with hyperfixations). he also seems to immediately latch onto coaching!

he moves around, a lot. we don't see him happy stim, but that jumping animation is likely an angry stim, which yes, also happens. he seems to hate staying still, which is emphasized by the fact that he needs to. for long periods of time. hence him sneaking out to the gym as much as he can. AND A GOOD ADD-ON BY @kittyfirest0rm - THE GUM. THE FUCKING GUM. HE CHEWS GUM WHILE PLAYING BASEBALL!!

he's quick to emphasize, when he's not angry. he's not very keen on some social cues, but he definitely seems to get emotions. in 5-3 he's probably surprised at Miner's easy admitting that he was injured and would stay willingly, but he also seems to get it when Miner talks about overworking himself and his emotions. (he zones out though during the explanations. classic.)

there's more i could add, but the post is getting long, so here come get your juice lol

[darl1ngd3ar3st]

Hey there! Can you do some Cole and Seth crushing headcanons pls? (If you don't want that's okay :])

I don't have the seth bundle so unfortunately I don't know a thing abt him and I don't wanna write your pookie wrong cuz I know how infuriating that can be but I'd be happy to write abt cole!! (I'm mentally ill)

falling for you hcs w some of my fav boyz (cole, reece, and cashew)

cole

he falls fast and he falls HARD. scraped his knee and everything.

he will do anything for you

like literally anything

your shoes untied? he ties em for you. oh you need a ride to work? say no more. you're hungry? let bro cook.

also he is mentally ill. I think he has bpd but I could be wrong

you are easily his favorite person. he is obsessed with you. he gets jealous and upset when you're not around him for too long because he worries you'll forget about him and the other person will steal you away.

he wants to devote his life to you and you only. nothing else matters. no one else matters (lol yandere sim reference)

anyways he's constantly trying to do things for you

helping you run errands, making sure you're eating and drinking enough water, getting you trinkets and doohickies he thinks you'll like, just overall being your number one supporter and your biggest fan

it's implied he has an actual shrine of the player in his closet somewhere in the game so. if you wanna interpret that as him being so fr go ahead

all in all, you are his everything and there's nothing he wouldn't do to make you happy and to hopefully get you to feel the same.

reece

mrrp meow mrrrp mrrp mrow

I love autism representation that doesn't involve harmful stereotypes

anyways. reece is a hopelessly romantic lovebug I think

he doesn't know how to flirt like at all so he just. meows at you and hopes you meow back

and he gets really excited when you do

he doesn't mean to, but he often shows affection by infodumping about his hyperfixations and special interests and then gets really embarrassed and apologizes a bunch later

please reassure his silly ass

also he forgets to drink water and do basic things for himself so if you remind him he's gonna fall head over heels all over again

also if you're neurodivergent he really loves hearing you talk abt your hyperfixations and special interests!!!!!! he loves it a lot!!!!!!!!

he tries to remember all of the little things but he forgets some stuff

but like if you mention that you think you wanna go to italy on a whim one (1, singular) time he's like "okay so we're going to italy" like a day later

also takes you to the renaissance era cuz it's pretty

and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if he confessed to you on the titanic

he unintentionally starts picking up stuff you say or do like if you have a stim where you say "yipee!!" like the autism creature he starts doing that

or like if you walk a certain way he starts walking like that without meaning to

long story short his main flirting tactic is being autistic and meowing at you

cashew

HES CANONICALLY DEMISEXUAL/DEMIROMANTIC ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

anyways so you're friends. you are friends

and one day you're in the library helping him pick out a book and your hand brushes against his while you're walking back to the car

except he brushes it off in his head cuz i mean come on. you're best friends.

and then like a day later he finds out the book you guys picked was an erotica or whatever it's called so he gets an absolutely jumpscare when the guy in the story pulls his dick out

like this was his exact reaction

BAHAHAHAH ANYWAYS

anyways in his head he's imagining one of the characters is you. like without even realizing it he's just like "oh yeah they've got h/c hair and e/c eyes and oh wait"

and when he realizes he's thinking of you he starts to panic like "WHAT THE FUCK IM IN LOVE WITH THEM. ok" and he comes to terms with it in like 15 minutes

but he starts doing a bunch more favors for you like carrying your stuff for you and offering you his coat

he is not subtle at all

like its so painfully obvious by the way he looks at you that he's head over heels

he doesn't know how to flirt honestly

it doesn't take long for him to just tell you how he feels

sorry this was so short lmfaoo thank you for the request!!!!! <33

[horror-beeings-artandwriting]

May I ask for Royal margarine x autistic female hcs plz?

Optional bonus: Maybe they met one time Royal margarine was in town and y/n, being a BIG fan of wyverns,, I can imagine just runs up super excited like "pretty wyvern! Pretty wyvern!" Lmao! And very happy stims too lol!

Prompt: Headcanons, romantic Pronouns: She/her for reader Characters: Royal margarine

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When he first met you, he thought he had met a true princess. you were kind, beautiful and my divines you loved buttercream, his darling wyvern! Safe to say he was smitten pretty hard. When you told him you were autistic, he listened to you talk, explain things, he was a little confused, he thought you were perfect, how did this matter? Until you told him you had certin....texture issues, hyperfixations(One being wyverns which totally made sense to him) and a few other things. He became very, overprotective after that. He never infantilized you, and if someone did he'd sick buttercream on them. I personally head canon him also to be autistic, he just. doesn't know. so If/when you start pointing out his symptoms. he is really confused. "What do you mean that's not normal my love?" you teach him so much, and he loves you for it, hell you know more about wyverns then he does! Gosh he loves you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoy!

[hecateisalesbian]

The Pride of- July?: A Final Thank You

WOW! I believe we did it! 30 Whole Days, an entire month, full of Pride! I’m honestly astounded that we were able to complete this! And I’m even more flabbergasted with how many people liked it! When i started this i thought only my mutuals and maybe one other would see this but no! This gained almost 200 notes and so many people participated in this! And I’d like to thank them all! And some even gave a few final words and talks. About Pride and Disability!

@outmaww

Thank you to Outmaww for being part of this and participating for the Lesbian Flag Day! You kicked off this project by being our first representative and I just wanna say thank you so much! 🩷

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@theosb0rnway

Thanks Oz for being there last minute when I was trying to find a representative for the Gay Flag! You pulled through and I’m very grateful for that! And for representing the Agender Flag too! Keep being awesome 🩵 💚

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@haystarlight

Thanks Sofi, I couldn’t have done this without you being an amazing bisexual disaster! And also being able to keep me in contact with Human! You are an amazing person and I hope you continue to be amazing 💜

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@solstakao

Let me start by saying that you are the best trans girl ever! 🏳️‍⚧️ I hope you get the boobs you desire lol. Thank you for representing the trans flag and being so funny! Thank you Jasmine ❤️

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@winter-socks

Not only did you represent the Trans flag, you also represented the Androsexual AND the Grayace flag! Thank you for that! And Puff even had a final closing statement about him and his disability!

“Being androsexual is a big part of my identity and what I find attractive. Androsexual means to be attracted to masculinity or just men in general, my LGBTQ+ identity has been all over the place, past few years. But I’ve found myself, I remember looking at pictures on Google that showed masculine people and I feel very attracted to them. Just something about masculine people makes me swoon over them !

I also have autism, self diagnosed. I’ve recently figured this out and have made connections between my experiences and autism through research. I have always been depressed, it seems from what my mom has told me, my family has a history of anxiety. I stim in different ways, experience noise sensitivity, have a hard time with boundaries, and more things that contribute to my autism. I hyperfixate on things for months to years, these things make me happy and people have said I’m obsessed. Which I am lol !! But it’s just how my brain works and I’m happy to have figured myself out, it all makes sense now. :)

Having autism is hard though, I can take stuff the wrong way, especially in real life where I have a hard time finding tone in people’s voices. So I end up taking them seriously. This is why tone indicators are a big thing for me and many others, we need people to use these so we don’t take them the wrong way. And I can get upset over the smallest things such as a noise I don’t like, it’s really hard. I always bring my headphones with me just in case it gets too loud. :)”

So thank you to Puff! You are a gem :) 🩵 💜 🤎

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@iridescentdiscord

Omnisexual AND DemiKING! You are amazing and supported me from the beginning! I’m very grateful you did this and for your kindness! Thank you 💙 🩵

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@mouse-in-a-piping-bag

Kat, my fellow Genderfluid, I am very glad you participated! You represented Omnisexual, Demisexual, and Genderfluid, and even created this amazing art!

Thank you Kat :} 💙 💜 🩶

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@rainbowangel110

What words can describe how amazing you are? You are one of my best and favorite mutuals and you are incredibly talented! I mean, just look at this lovely asexual art you made!

Thank you Rainbow 🌈 🩶

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@imhumanguysiswear

My first Mutual and an asexual king! I hope you can return soon to Tumblr! We all miss you! Thank you for doing this :) 🩶

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@dreamondelphinus

I Hope that you and your friend Bella have a wonderful life. Asexuals and Aromantics don’t deserve hate and definitely don’t need to be ‘fixed’. Keep being you :) 🩶

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@boilinghotsoupandcrackers

Your blog is super funny and I love seeing your posts on my dash! Thank you for representing Aroace and genderqueer! You are so cool! Thank you :) 🩶 💚 💜

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@zedleaked

You went very above and beyond with art and talking about your experience with being Aromantic! Your art looked beautiful

“To break the professional language for a sec, figuring out whether you are aromantic or not is hard, especially if you are not asexual as well. When I was figuring myself out I often found that I never really developed crushes on others and that made me feel weird since romance is so mainstream and talked about and for some reason I don’t feel these weird butterflies in my stomach or something? I guess I’m just weirdo! Sure, I can find people attractive and cute but I didn’t feel that romantic feeling. As a kid I would try and just scan other kids in my class to try and figure out if they’d be a good partner. I didn’t know that there had to be some kind of feeling to get in a relationship with someone. I just thought people would go ‘hey this person is nice and cute, I will be their partner!’ but that’s definitely not how it works. I would find it hard to differentiate romantic and platonic love because I mean… love is love…? I mean some would say romantic love is doing stuff like cuddling, holding hands, kissing, hugging… but you can also do that platonically, right? There’s just that extra step in romantic love that I just can’t see because I can’t experience that extra step. There are moments where I think I feel love but I realise that at the time I was just really eager to be their friend as I get very excited when meeting someone like me but if I really thought about if I would be in a romantic relationship with that person… the answer would probably be no. Some aromantics can feel lonely as they can’t feel romantic love and they don’t have the desire to devote their life to a person, but remember that you still have those platonic relationships and they can be just as strong if not stronger than romantic ones, nothing is better than hanging out with a really awesome friend. If you believe you’re on the aromantic spectrum but are unsure, try doing some research for yourself as there are many terms under the umbrella that may fit you! Demiromantic for example is when you only feel romantic love when close to someone or grey-romantic is when you feel fluctuating levels of romantic love but as a whole barely experience it”

Thank you Zed :) 💚

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@artkittycatty

Genderfluid Partner in Crime and Pansexual! I adore your art and your chaotic and optimistic energy! You truly brighten my blog and im very thankful for your contribution to this project! I mean, just look at how cute this art is!

Thank you 💜 💛

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@your-bigender-big-brother

Thank you for being apart of this and being educational to everyone! You even made my post even better by explaining even more about being bi-gender!

“If you'd like some further information on the bigender identity, I have a Gender of the Day post here! I also have a bigender masterpost here on my main blog.

Additionally, here are some other bigender flags! One of the most common ones currently being used by the community is the upper left one!

Want some bigender blogs to follow?

@talking-bigender @bigendering @bigender-culture-is

And as a little bonus, I have my own bigender flag down below, called the sunrise/sunset bigender flag.

- Your Bigender Big Brother 💙💚”

Thank You 🙏 💚

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@msmoon-and-the-cyberdemon

Thank you for being so enthusiastic about this and being wonderful! I hope your future is bright aswell 💚

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@loud-whistling-yes

Thank you for representing Demigirl and for just being proud!

“Hey guys! 👋 I'm the guest for today's pride of june! If you guys have any questions about demigirl as a gender identity, or any questions about it in general, I'm more than happy to give you my part of the answer! Do remember that everyone sees gender differently, and while there's no "right" or "wrong" answer to gender, I hope my answers might help anyone with whatever they're looking for. Happy pride everyone!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜”

Thank you Ah Wei 🩷

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@demigender-culture-is

Demigender Culture is YOU! Thank you for being in this and representing the demigender flag :) And you even made this!

Thank you! 💛

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@honeymilkhijinks

A polyamorous pansexual! And a non-binary! Thank you for participating in this and being you! 💜 💛 ❤️

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@jd-leifdeloos

thank you for being part of the Polyamorous flag day. It’s hard being accepted but you being there was very cool! Thank you so much ❤️

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@just-one-more-utmv-fan

Thank you for sharing light to the very unknown sexuality Gynesexual. You even made this!

You are helping more people learn about it just by reblogging all of this project :) 🤎

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@that-one-enby-ranger

Thank you for representing Abrosexual, a sexuality that I feel a lot of people forget about! You are amazing 💚

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@dejimonkaizaa

You were amazing for this project and you even decided to talk about your life as an intersex person!

“I have a condition called simple-virilizing congenital adrenal hyperplasia, or what’s usually called “classic CAH.” I was born with XX chromosomes and assigned female at birth, and I also have ambiguous genitalia and a hormone profile of typical estrogen and atypical testosterone called hyperandrogenism. This means I have one of the dozens of variations that can make a person what we call intersex. In many ways, I love my intersex body and identity, but much like any other person could, I do not feel my assigned sex is my gender. Being intersex is part of me, but I am also an intersex man. I am a transgender man, but I might fall better into a category called utltergender—while I will transition to be more masculine, I was already born with many of these features. What I would like for perisex (not-intersex) people to understand about being intersex is that you won’t always understand, and that’s okay. We will have bodies you don’t understand. We will have transition patterns you don’t understand. We will have identities you don’t understand. We are not born male or female in a world where everyone must be, and even when we identify ourselves within the binary, we are never truly accepted into it. Yet, to this end, you must advocate for us, because we are not enough to win fights on our own. We do not have communities like every other queer identity—most intersex people don’t know any other intersex people in real life. We don’t have clubs, we don’t have bars, we don’t even have representation at pride events much of the time—we are invisible. Make space for us. If you want to put I in the acronym, know why you do. Know who and what we are and why we are important beyond a quick gotcha against the binary.”

Thank you for being so open! 💜

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@askatrigenderlgbt

“Hey everyone, this post is going to be a bit different. Pride month is nearing an end and I was ask to make a special something for this project I'm in.

I want to talk about my journey with discovering my sexuality and gender identity, along with my battle with my disability battle with ADHD.

I was around 15 or 16 when I started to question my identity. I didn't understand what or why I was different from everyone else around me. I didn't understand why I faked being in love with boys or found myself only falling in love with fictional boys but not real guys. Then I began to think harder. I realized that maybe I wasn't so straight.

As I was finding my way I explored different labels, explored my gender, and eventually finally admitted that I needed therapy for my health.

At first I thought I was bisexual and nonbinary. At the time it felt correct, but time past and I realized it didn't make sense or feel right. I needed to keep looking. Then I identified as lesbian and demigirl, but once again later down the line they didn't feel like me.

Finding your identity takes time, trying things out for a time and seeing what makes you feel you. There is no rush, no impending doom waiting around the next second.

I finally found my gender when I was looking online about different genders in the trans and nonbinary umbrella: trigender.

Trigender is a gender similar to gender fluid. One identifies as three genders, whether all at once- like a mix of colors- or flux between the three- like colors melting into another.

Trigender was the labe that felt right, where I felt myself click into place. I felt like a woman, a man, but in between- nonbinary. It made sense and felt just right for me.

As for my sexuality? I am still into women, but I now use Gynosexual as my label. It is a gender neutral way to say that a person is attracted to women identifying genders or feminine traits. Which I am.

I also figured out I am ageosexual. Ageosexual is a sexuality on the asexual spectrum. Ageosexual is a sexuality where one isn't disgusted seeing anything sexual in nature, able to watch 'adult fun' without being uncomfortable, but still having no desire for sexual intercourse of any kind.

I can handle a sex scene or joke in media, but even the thought of actually having sex makes me uncomfortable and nauseous. I don't like even the thought of anyone I may date in the future see me naked, god forbid touch me. I will hold hands, kiss on the cheek, peck on the mouth, cuddle, hug, but anything else is a no. Just no.

So after finding the labels that fit me and have found myself comfortable with them, I settled on my pronouns next: they/them. I didn't like being referred to as just she/her, just female. I liked the more neutral they/them as it feels better and more like me. It felt right. But everyone around is still having to get used to my pronouns and using them. Learning is still going on, my family no used to my pronouns as they spent years with my old ones.

But my mental health during this? I went to see a therapist at 16, working on my depression and anxiety first. I was prescribed medication to help deal with my issues and given tools to help manage what the medication can't. Medicine isn't a cure for mental health, it just helps manage the issues one has.

After I was given the starting tools I worked on myself and tried hard in high school. I was more energetic, I felt less tired, and I had more motivation. It didn't last however. I began to have issues with attention, I kept getting distracted easily, forgot things constantly, was restless, overall a mess without knowing why.

Then my doctor prescribed me with a medication I recognized my mother taking. It was one she took for her bipolar. So I thought for a while I had bipolar, stupid I know but hey I wasn't thinking clearly. But soon I was diagnosed with ADHD, given medication and tools I needed to manage things, and found myself more relaxed- and given confirmation that I do not have bipolar. I could sleep longer than four hours. I could finally have my thoughts slow down. I even could focus better.

But the struggle wasn't done. You see, during one summer on a boiling hot day, I tried to end my life by heat stroke. I had turned my heater on full blare on the hotest day that week. Then I took a nap, hoping to anyone listening that I wouldn't wake up. I woke up, drenched in sweat, realizing what I nearly done. I turned off the heater and quickly tried to cool myself down. I only confessed about till six to seven months after that happened. This was when I was around 19, probably 20. I had dropped high school before this, the stress of dealing with family problems, moving, and the pandemic just beginning. I wasn't great mentally.

I have also experienced cutting before, something common sadly with people dealing with depression and constant stress. It wasn't a good feeling. The pain of cutting was not what I enjoyed ever, but I am ashamed to say this, but I did like how it made me numb to everything.

In the present day I am much better, not perfect but not a mess, I'm simply okay. I've been through so much and have many years to go hopefully. To end this post as it is long enough as it is I will say this:

Your journey will not be like anyone else's, it's your life and you will find the pieces of yourself in time. You just have to find what feels right and what is comfortable. You may have a hard time with your disabilities, mental or physical, but you have support around you ready to help. There are people who want to help you get better, you'll find them. I know it. Just be kind to yourself, allow time to feel out what it is you need. And allow yourself to make mistakes.

The worst thing I ever did was try to be perfect, to be strong. In actually, it's okay to be weak and to be imperfect. We all need to learn by making mistakes, grow from them. And sometimes we need to let out emotions, to stop trying to hold everything inside.

It's okay to be yourself.”

Thank you :) 🩷

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@notsofunsenpai

Thank you for participating and being a representative of the Pansexual Flag! You are wonderful 💛

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@bloggingboutburgers and their partner @civiart

You guys did so much! Not a lot of people know about QPRs and you did not shy away from the task of educating! You made this amazing art

And this amazing explanation

“What it's like to be in a QPR? Well, at the very least the QPR I'm in is very comfortable I'll say far most! It's hard to define in exact words to describe the relationship. It's the closeness and comfortable vulnerability of being with someone that you see as your life partner. The more meme-esque way I like describing it is Akhts is my ride or die!! Life is crazy and so unpredictable! It throws hands at ya in anyway it wants to and you just have to figure out how to roll with the punches and face it! It gets hard to face it on your own, so it's nice to build a dynamic with someone where you can share the messiness of life. There's that element of closeness you have with them that's just really comforting and fills your heart in a special way. It's always an honor being able to spend time together with a beloved and feel that solidarity confidence in one another. It's like the dynamic and development for this relationship just lead up to it naturally without the mix of romance and sexual attraction. It's definitely a relationship of what feels right to each individual. At least for mine, I'm really happy being in a QPR with Akhts! The dear really gives me a lot of comfort, company, and honestly sharing the braincell too. I'm honored to have her company and will absolutely prance my adoration for her! Life feels so much more fuller with her!"

Thank you both! I wish you the best of lives! 🩷

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And finally, I’d like to thank my mutual and friend @bloodied-dagger, who made this wonderful musical piece to end off pride month

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Wow! This got long haha! In all seriousness though, thank you all! You all did such a wonderful job and really helped me on this project. But now Pride Month is Over. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be prideful though. The US Supreme Court made a ruling on June 30th saying businesses had the right to deny service to queer people. This is devastating to the queer community and is ranking us equivalent to a second class. We should be recognized as human beings and shouldn’t be made to feel guilty, dirty, or sinful for being who we are.

Now that July is here lots of queers are joking about Gay Wrath Month, but July already has its pride. July is about Disability. Disability is still rarely accommodated even in 2023 and we need to draw attention to that. People with disabilities shouldn’t be looked upon as if they were lower than those without. So this month mine and your challenge is to help those with disabilities. Donate to funds or just simply don’t be a jerk or make ableist jokes. Be kind this month.

All of my Art will be posted in a big post on my art blog @accidentally-drank-paintwater if anyone wishes to see all of them together. Happy Pride!

[heroictoonz]

So, I finished Red vs Blue. Just now like not even a few seconds ago as of writing this post. It was, well to say it bluntly it wasn’t great. I didn’t agree with pretty much most of the endings for these characters and I wish the final season had been longer than less than an hour an a half. Most movies are longer than that these days. But, I will say, that I cried. I cried and sobbed and am still crying writing this because even if I didn’t like how it ended it didn’t end horribly and I can tell it ended in love. All the characters, the ones they had in the season at least, got their emotional 15 minutes of fame. Maybe Tucker didn’t get much at all but, I dunno. As the guy whose only personality trait is liking Tucker RvB I weirdly didn’t mind all too much. Donut wasn’t in it either but he did great in season 17 so I also don’t mind that too terribly.

I will say, I don’t think there was any hope of RvB having an ending that I, personally, would think was ‘good’ or ‘satisfying’. Not perfectly at least. And I don’t say this to be mean. But, this was clearly the kind of show that was meant to run on till it was forced to die. They probably weren’t planning on ending it when they did and it took the company getting taken to pasture for it to be over. With as much random bullshit that they crammed into this show I never much expected for it all to be focused on or tied up in the finale. And this show didn’t start as something that took itself very seriously, but the ending was clearly taken with so much heart and care in mind and that’s all I can ask for from this show, I think.

They ended the show where it began. In a box canyon. They ended the story with Allison and Leonard. The people who unknowingly started all of this in the first place. They did what they could to tie in other loose ends and bring in some really cool ideas to make the ending interesting and still it’s own fun story. It made me sad to watch, honestly. Most the characters I have spent so many years loving just didn’t get the best endings. And I was always afraid of that but, hey maybe I’ll write a fic to give them a better one. Maybe it’s the endings that the RT team thought was most fitting for all of them, and I can understand why. I just, personally, enjoy happy endings. This one wasn’t as happy. But, it had hope in it. Especially Carolina and Wash’s last part. I hate the idea of some of these characters being dead and never coming back. I hate the idea of Grif leaving and never seeing any of the others again. But I get it, I understand the ending and I’m content with it. As weird as that might seem, honestly.

Whenever I finish something I’m always reminded of this Doctor Who episode I watched as a kid where he talks about how much he hates endings. How he will tear the last page from books he reads so they never have to end. It’s funny that without fail I think of that episode, that scene. Because in that episode the Doctor is forced to face an ending. One he doesn’t want but accepts anyways. This is me rambling but, I think every time I finish something I love this much and have loved for this long, whether the ending it good or bad, I think I understand that random Doctor Who episode more and more each time.

Did I like the ending season of Red vs Blue? Not fully. The ideas were cool but as with most of this show the execution wasn’t the best in my opinion. But, maybe I’m just a hard ass lol. But the ending did make me laugh, it made me cry, it made me smile and stim and feel. The ending made me feel. And it was a pretty good send off to a pretty great show. And hell, they got an ending. That’s harder to come by these days. Maybe that’s all I can ask for from it. Maybe that’s why even in my tears I’m content more than any other emotion.

But, it’s also weird. Like a really long chapter of my life is closing. I think this is also where I have to officially accept what happened to RT. As someone who’s followed RWBY, RvB, and Camp Camp for a really long time not to mention the lives and their gaming channel and all of that, it feels weird? Kinda bad, honestly, to see it end. I’ve, admittedly, been avoiding it. Avoiding talking or thinking about it. And I doubt the guys told all the stories they had for this show, but I’m glad they got to end it. I’m glad they got at least that much.

It’s 2am and I have work in about 14 hours. I think I’m gonna go read fanfiction.

[cidandy]

mmm......chips stimming headcanons........headcanons for how i think some of the chips would stiiimmm

bert is an avid vocal stimmer i think. he makes little noises & stuff & says random phrases...based on his twitter because of how many times he just. tweets out his own name. bro stims like a pokemon /silly. also playing with the zipper on his jacket & stuufff also the fidget cube!!! hell yeah!!!

for dandy i think he doesn't really...stim very outwardly. but i think he probably plays with/pulls at his own hair & clothes & stuff. maybe the little dangling bits from the part that's tied to his arm. also the kind of guy to unbutton & rebutton the same button on his shirt a bunch of times. i don't know if that's just a thing that i do but i hope you know what i mean.

dee meows. i think they meow when they're excited :^3c i also think they knead random stuff like a cat. just subconsciously kneading at stuff with nice textures. i think they like feeling soft stuff.

i think spencer would like. this is hard to explain but he would move his shapes around & stuff...like he can change his form & stuff so. i also think he gets extra glow-y when excited or happy :^) probably makes his own stim toys out of little holograms LOL

vosim...where do u even start with vosim. i mean the whole spoon thing is literally just him stimming. like when he clinks them together & stuff. also i think he does the classic hand flapping & rocking back & forth. also i think he makes noises too, like a vvvvmmmm sound y'know. because he's a crunchy synthy voice :^3c also stares at bath bombs for hours at a time.

cider masks super hard most of the time. but he paces so much. SOOO MUCH PACING. like all the time. can't stand in one place for too long without getting antsy. also a hand flapper. i mean- how could you not be with 4 hands. also i think he messes with the wires that dangle from the extra arm things. i think he's the kind of dork to jump up & down when something makes him happy.

i'm pretty sure rotten "canonically" vocal stims by making those little clicky sounds. he's probably also pretty discreet with his stimming so he can seem all cool & tough. i think he also does a good amount of rocking, but a lot slower than vosim does. just a subtle thing. i also think he'd mess around with the collar of his jacket.

for saaaam :^D he would mostly just fidget with the cord on those headphones. & maybe the scarf too...

voder literally communicates through hissing noises. does that count as stimming? i dunno. i'll say it does.

PEDRO WOULD BITE SHIT. ALL SORTS OF STUFF. maybe even their own arm, which the others would have to remind them that it's not...safe to do that. they could probably use one of those chewy necklaces or something. probably also paces but it's less pacing & more like running around in circles.

[nerdyenby]

DRS2 reactions (spoilers)

Ep 1

Ras at the shadow dojo???????? Who woulda thunk

New intro?!?!!!?!! Idk why I wasn’t expecting that, actually

The public including Pix with the missing ninja my beloved

Gosh, big Riyu will take some getting used to

Wait… is that a curious george reference??

I don’t know if I’ve heard someone outright say something isn’t good for their friend’s mental health in a cartoon before, it’s really refreshing

Casual Frohicky and Sora/Arin interactions my beloved <3

Omg Kai explaining Shang to Zane is such season one vibes

Lloyd having open and honest conversations with his students about both his and their wellbeing is so important to me

Ok, hear me out: au where baby Wu didn’t age back at an enhanced rate and gets lost at somepoint and Arin is teenage Wu

Dang it, Cinder’s kinda funny

Ep 2

I legit started happy stimming so hard at that opening shot, I’m really invested in Euphrasia’s story already and nothing’s even happened yet lol

Percival out here making the gen z solarpunk dream a reality!!!!

Lloyd calling it what it is — a panic attack — soothes something in me

Sora did really bad graffiti of cats when she was young, that’s adorable and kinda tells you everything you need to know about her

MY GIRL!!!!!!!

Euphrasia using a cane!!!! Hell yeah mobility aids!!!! (Even though it’ll probably be gone in two episodes lol)

I kid you not, I was 100% expecting Suetonius to say “resurrect… the Great Devourer” lmao

I love that the gang is (mostly) all together, but it’s a bit too many characters for a conversation, I get why they like to split them into groups

Nya grounding Lloyd :(( /pos

Kai boasting about a fight that he won a decade ago when Cinder probably doesn’t even know Ash is endlessly amusing to me

Ras is so dramatic I can’t really take him seriously

Damn, they’re letting characters get hurt, it’s kinda refreshing but it’s scary

Ep 3

Wait I didn’t see Euphrasia get captured :((

WHAT THE HELL?!???? /vpos

Strength, motion, energy, and life?!??!!??

AYOOOOOO?!?!????

Kai comforting Wyldfyre <333

We know this takes place after the mech shorts, so why hasn’t anyone mentioned Cole? He was also seen in public, so why did that conspiracy guy say he’s still missing?

Why do they keep leaving Zane behind?? He’s in his housewife era fr

Kai making sure Wyldfyre’s taken care of :((

This show is so unserious, I love it

I wasn’t feeling people calling Kai Wyldfyre’s dad after season one but…

No… Sora took Arin’s thing from him… she didn’t mean to, but he feels like he’s not special anymore :(

I’m going to pretend that was a believable amount of parts to make a mech that big

Kai getting moments with Arin and Sora my beloved

Kai’s “hey kid, nice of you to drop by” is giving the same energy as when Lloyd and Arin first met during the merge

THE WALLS ARE MOVING, REPEAT: THE WALLS ARE MOVING

These nightmare sequences are going so hard

Nya being the first one to realize it isn’t real when her nightmare is reality, I’m screaming

Riyu comforting Wyldfyre <333

Nya best sister award when

Ep 4

My boys!!!!!

THE found family of all time

IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO MY CHILDREN I WILL RIOT

Seeing Kai and Nya fight so smoothly together is so special after how much they and Lloyd were tripping over each other when they first reunited

Basketball?!??!!??!!!

Autistic Arin real and true

I love Bonzle so much

Geo is such a lil bastard actually /pos, makes more sense why he and Cole are a thing, knowing Cole’s taste in men

COLE!!!!!!

Cole will never stop being overpowered, it seems, he deserves it tbh

Censorship pog /hj

“Not funny, Wyldfyre” “Not joking, Sora” the sheer cousin vibes in this interaction are too much to handle

Lloyd PLEASE just mention being 1/4 dragon, it will almost certainly get Egalt on board, I am begging

Glacier reunion!!!!!!!

Ep 5

I wanted a more emotional reunion, but they’ve probably seen each other off screen (or I’m just forgetting a scene from the shorts)

Zane, why are you still carrying that doll like it’s your child??

Bonzle my beloved, she’s says that so deadpan I don’t actually have any questions

Wyldfyre my beloved

I would die for Bonzle

Cole and Geo holding hands 😭😭😭😭😭

Is Egalt the motion source dragon?? Probably not tbh but I’d believe it

Man’s spitting facts, flatearthers are going to lose their shit

“Little fire man” IM DYING OH MY GOD

Wait when does this take place? My first instinct is while the ninja were in the Never Realm but idk if we’ll actually find out

“Friends can become like family?” “Definitely” IM SOBBING ON THE FLOOR

Letting Arin be angry is so important

Cole shutting down Bonzle’s suicidal thoughts without hesitation “no, you are loved and needed. We will find a way to protect you” <333

The physical affection in DR is so dear to me

Human sacrifices???? In MY lego show?????

Ep 6

Wyldfyre struggling with her body’s limits is really relatable as a young disabled person

FOREHEAD TOUCH :((

Plot twist: where the other ninja are right now is Mysterium and they have that tua meme of two cars passing each other moment

Damn, that exchange hit hard as a former gifted kid. Sometimes having someone believe in you hurts. You’re not just letting yourself down, but them, too

Nya just fucking bodyslamming Kai, Egalt didn’t know what he was getting into pitting the world’s most competitive siblings against each other

“The Finders are like my family” *looks at Zane* “My other family” screaming, crying, sobbing on the floor

Oh no

Wait yeah, why are they thirsty if Zane can just make ice for them to chew on? At least Cole and Jiro, idk if Bonzle needs water

The nonbinary pirate!!!

Cole CANNOT escape the performing arts fr fr

Ep 7

Bonzle is giving transgender

That is the most Jay and Cole thing I’ve ever heard it, it’s so in character it almost feels out of character

Arin and Sora going through the exact same thing and trying and failing to not take it out on each other :( it’s ok tho, the real ones are the ones you can be snippy with and love regardless

Wyldfyre referring to the ninja as “Kai’s friends” honey, they’re your friends too, I promise

Anyone who calls Wyldfyre dumb can fuck off, she’s so perceptive and intelligent and is really good at connecting others when she truly wants to

Bonzle’s mom <33333

Bonzle’s smile when her mom compliments her name <3333

Who you calling stolen equipment bitch?????

Lil Kai and Nya!!!!!!

Nya’s so proud of him!!!!! I could cry

Kai being the first to achieve it because fire is an element under motion’s domain methinks

Oh you bigoted son of a bitch

Zane why are you considering it????? Honey

What the fuck did you do to Jiro??!?!!!

JAY?!?!!???

Ep 8

NOOOO 😭😭😭

There’s literally a nindroid agent right there????

The og musical cue playing when Jay comes back <3

Jay on his Euphrasia arc, this is highkey breaking my heart though

I’m counting this as a fakeout death and you can’t stop me

Are you kidding me???!!!? How many times is Jay going to be one room away from the ninja

Lloyd SHUT UP /aff

“And cursed!!” She says cheerfully, this lady is an icon

The subtitles keep calling Cole Kai, what is this, season one??

Ep 9

Aww, baby Ras (trying desperately to not care about him)

Oh ok, he’s making my job easier

Poor Wyldfyre :(

I love this trio so much, their banter is so good

Lloyd honey, fighting it is making it worse

Nya holding him through his panic attack :((

I was expecting Cole to deny that it was him, the earth is going through it

The disco toaster!!!!!

Heck yeah Riyu!!!

I love them so much it’s not even funny

“What’s your elemental power, imperviousness to sarcasm?” She just called him autistic in 13 languages (I’m autistic, dw guys)

“First time driving?” “Believe it or not, no” Bonzle and Arin my beloved

I’m a touch disappointed Wyldfyre’s perfectly fine now as someone with chronic pain, but I’m glad it was handled as well as it was and it’s a really important lesson for younger audiences that pushing your body while it’s in pain only makes it worse

The silent exchange of Cole suggesting Zane takes the parrot potion is endlessly funny but also sad considering it’s probably the closest well get to talking about the Falcon

Cole turning into a puppy who cheered?!???

“At least you’re adorable” “I’m always adorable” get a room /aff

Tournament of elements flashbacks

The workplace gossip omg, Cinder really out here beefing with a 16 year old

Don’t you even fucking dare

MY BABIESSSSSS

Ep 10

Arin mistaking Lloyd and Nya for his parents hurts :(

Oh no… I mean, it was obviously coming but it’s still very bad

WYLDFYRE POPPING OFF!!!!! THIS GIRL NEEDED HER ENRICHMENT

Let Euphrasia do stuff 2024

Wyldfyre jumping in front of Kai and protecting him

The basketball practice coming in handy lol

The fight cinematography in DR is fucking superb

KAI D: (he’ll be fine, I believe)

Nya!!!!!

BONZLE MVP!!!!

I was prepared for Rontu and Egalt to stay dead, the breath I let out when the stone cracked was unparalleled

Are we legit not getting Kai back????

Cole and Lloyd hug!!!!!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Oh no… that lie is going to hurt when it comes out

Kai and Bonzle!!!!

Not like Master Wu says, like Lloyd says ;-; /pos

[bonesandthebees]

hello bee!! Had a tiiiiiny, baby-size depressive episode + panic attack over the weekend. But GREAT news, I created an infinity cube out of Lego while in the trenches. Autism win.

I did have to upgrade my little stim-toy carrying case, since. If you remember me, I’m the anon who mentioned ordering a pinned moth and set of magnet stims when the whole Wilbur situation started overflowing. So my Altoids tin of fidgets got too small after I suddenly had two new ones within a few days, lol. Found a good zipper-container for them. Little spinny-ring, Lego infinity cube, and a set of stick magnets, nice and portable now.

My moth is still on the way :) I’m excited for him to come home.

I started writing on a few of my wips again. It’s been slow going, especially with university. But it’s nice going back to the stories I’ve been working on. I still have to build my stamina up again, I am finding it difficult to sit and write for hours at a time, utilizing his character for as long as I used to. But I’m getting better :)

Just have to give it time, work on it slowly. And it still IS fun. The character is different than he is, and while it’s a bit rattling, it’s just part of the process.

It’s not really an ask. Just an update. But I do feel better than I did a a few weeks ago :) I have some tea. My fidgets. A moth on the way. A haircut appointment in a few days. Found a couple new video-essay channels to watch.

Remember to take care of yourself, too, Bee <3 thank you for looking after all of us and our thoughts. So excited to see more of your writing. I think I’ve gone back and reread this year’s Halloween-special fic six times or so. It’s been a big inspiration for a horror-y SBI writing project of my own :) the suspenseful writing is just so fun.

I'm gonna be so honest I read the phrase "I created an infinity cube out of Lego autism win" and laughed so hard. I love that for you so much /gen

hooray for having so many stim toys you need a bigger container for them!! sounds like you have a great collection going. very excited for you to get your moth!!

yes, just give it time. it's great that you've already started trying to work on your wips again, but don't feel like you have to rush it. while I mostly feel settled about things, I'm still waiting to go back to trying to write any of my wips. take it slow and just be mindful of how you're feeling and all that.

sounds like you have a lot of nice little things going for you right now and I'm so happy about that :)

I'm doing my best to take care of myself. got myself to write some qsmp stuff today so hoping to start posting this wip soon.

also picture me as one of those crying cat emojis rn because I'm so happy you reread that halloween fic. it's literally one of my favorite things I've written and I hold it so near and dear to my heart I'm so glad you enjoyed it <33

[ezradogteeth]

heyo james, I've got a question for ya :) (pls feel free to not answer if it's too personal!)

So, I've finally started making calls to get top surgery, and I was really excited! like wow this thing I've been looking forward to for years is finally gonna happen, i'll get to wear shirts without having to constantly think about how i look, etc.

but then I started thinking more about it (i guess because its becoming more Real?), and I'm more conflicted about getting rid of my chest. like, hairy tits go kinda hard actually, and like sensory wise they are fun for stimming. plus i feel INFINITE BUTCH SWAG with them. if it was just me by myself forever, I feel like I could be happy with them, but I also find myself yearning for like, being able to be shirtless in public and also having a smooth surface to run my hands down. stuff like that. (also especially the "not worrying about how I look when i put on a t-shirt thing)

so here's my question: I remember you making a comic about how happy you were to have had top surgery, even if u still missed your old chest sometimes, or felt conflicted about it. what do u miss about your old chest? do you ever feel dyphoric with ur current chest? if u have any other insights or things to say, pls do

(p.s. i am considering non-flat surgery, but i don't know how i feel abt that yet because currently I think it'd be the worst of both worlds for me. i don't think the results would be what i actually want: flat chest that's just slightly rounded across the whole thing so it's soft and kinda andro looking)

hi moth yayyy so exciting!! ty for ur question!! longish answer so its under the cut

first i wanted to say that when i first decided to look into having top surgery, after my consultation, i got wigged out and decided to hold off on it for a while. talking to the surgeon made me Really understand that it is a major surgery and everything that entails. a lot of it freaked me out and i ended up deciding to go for it almost a year after that, and i'm glad i took that time to reconsider.

second, i totally relate to the butch swag thing and sensory thing. since having top surgery i've seen a lot more art and photos and people irl who are transmasc/genderqueer with boobs, much more than i did pre-op, and it makes me feel very happy and i wish i saw more of it back then bc it wouldve made me feel a lot better.

i do think that inherently, i would have been able to make peace with my body as is and not had surgery. i was never super dysphoric about my chest and i liked having partners who found it attractive. like you said, if it was just me by myself, or if i was only ever around people who wouldn't see me having boobs as contradictory to me passing as male, i wouldn'tve minded as much.

but unfortunately it doesn't exist in a vacuum like that. the body is a public form, it's how you engage with the world. similar to what you said, i wanted to be able to be shirtless, not wear a binder, be able to pass sometimes, etc. i also wanted the sensory experience of like, laying down flat on my chest, or running without breasts moving which was always uncomfortable for me esp since i hated wearing bras.

i don't feel dysphoric about my current chest, it's more like a passing wistfulness for how my chest used to be or would've been now if i hadn't had surgery. sometimes it's just the feeling of absentmindedly holding my own boob i miss lol. since i had surgery pretty young there's things i feel like i might've missed out on. i live in a wayyy more transsexual ass place now where it's way more normal for a man to have, and show off, breasts, and for it to be attractive, and not negate his identity at all. and i think i would've slayyed like that. alas! on the day to day though, i've also been working more physical jobs where i want to pass as male, so binding would have been very uncomfortable and i'm glad i don't have to do it. and i get a ton of euphoria from being flat chested, and i'm lucky to be around people who find post-op transmasc chests cool and attractive. as much as i liked having partners be attracted to my chest pre-op, i've also learned that there Are people out there who find flat chests just as attractive, and i love having partners who are attracted to the masculinity of my body, because previously i'd often felt like i had to be feminine to be attractive

and re: a non-flat surgery option, i do think it's something to look into! i never really considered it cuz for me it wasn't really the size of my chest that mattered, more like entirely having breasts or not, and i didn't want to go thru the whole ordeal of surgery just to be dysphoric again or end up wanting to get a flat chest later on - though many people do get a reduction/semi-flat surgery and later have full top surgery and it's totally cool!!!

feel free to send a follow up if i didn't answer something in particular or you want me to elaborate on anything ^_^

[fennthetalkingdog]

I don't know if I'm in the minority on this, but I love writing essays. The feeling of choosing something that seems fun, getting to research it, organizing what you've learned in a neat and tidy way, and now having a random pocket of knowledge that stays with you for the rest of your life is something that I can hardly ever replicate elsewise. Some of my favorite hyperfixations have come from essays and other research projects that I had to do for school (like when I learned about LSD for a biology project on cell communication, or when I wrote a speech on neopronouns for a public speaking class)! And I miss so much having a class where I can just... do what I love, for credit! I haven't had a research class since my first semester and I'm feeling it 😔 One of my friends asked me for advice about choosing a topic and I got so excited at just the mention of a research paper that I started happy stimming hard, lol. I really should just write a paper on my own time, but then I'd need some executives to function for once, *sigh*.