#and then i really WILL get seriously injured from a fucked up fantasy of his

[psychoticwillgraham]

resisting the overwhelming urge to unblock my abuser and scream at him for an hour

[rinniereads123]

One-Shots

SOME OF THESE STORIES ARE MATURE! READ THE WARNINGS AND TAGS BEFORE YOU READ!

Last updated 10/29/2024

��� - personal favorites | masterlist | other recs

★blurred lines - @ellemj

When choosing a female agent to send back in time to gain young Sergeant Barnes's trust, everyone's in agreement that it should be Sharon. Until Bucky, the man that you barely get along with, speaks up and lets everyone know that it could only be you.

Shared desires - @veltana

You and Bucky decide to explore something new with Steve.

The Push and the Pull - @delaber

There’s nothing Bucky wants more than to be with you - and for that reason alone, he has to break both your hearts.

Little Bookworm - @heytheredelulu

Your boyfriend can’t think of anything more adorable than watching you read. One night while you’re in the shower he picks up the book you left on the nightstand: “Haunting Adeline by H.D. Carlton” and thumbs through it, very quickly realizing just what kind of books his sweet little bookworm is really into.

Anywhere Away With You - @thevillainswhore

Old ghosts from your past threaten to disturb the peace you’ve made with your new life. Will temptation steer you away?

★The Ties That Bind Us - @thevillainswhore

Even though Bucky is your ex-husband, you still have to see him often because of your shared son. But the heated tension, the spark that is still very much alive after your divorce, finally reaches its peak when you come home from your date.

Warrior/Worrier - @delaber

After a mission gone awry, Bucky finds himself on your doorstep in the middle of the night.

Pink in the Night - @d0wnb4df0rf1cm3n

Some interesting rumours have been circling around about Bucky. Little do you know, it's kinda your fault.

Love Hurts - @urdepressedslut

You and Bucky get into a heated argument, things are said and done and now he won’t speak to you. You don’t think you can handle him ignoring your existence.

in losing grip, on sinking ships (you showed up just in time) - @mellowsaturns

When the Avengers pick up unusual activity, they realize that not all of Hydra was destroyed. One unidentifiable face sends the team into a frenzy but Bucky knows it. He could recognize those eyes anywhere.

I Hate You - @ellemj

After ending up on SHIELD's radar, you're moved into the tower against your will. Of course, you can't stand the one man that you have the most in common with.

One More Night - @marvelouslizzie

You and Bucky Barnes are fuck buddies for a while. The problem is you have feelings for him but you don't think he reciprocates and it just makes it impossible to continue your relationship. Little did you know how much he wants you and how hard he's trying to keep it casual.

The Things We Carry With Us - @pellucid-constellations

You were injured on a mission and didn’t tell anyone, leaving your already rocky relationship with Bucky crumbling. Was it really hate he harbored for you, or was it something else? 

Control - @bucky-bucket-barnes

John Walker makes the dire mistake of messing with Bucky’s girl. This misstep causes a major fight to break out between the two, ending in nothing but blood and rage.

I Can Save You This Time - @pellucid-constellations

It’s the 4th of July and you’ve never been more sick. Turns out you aren’t the only one in the compound that stayed home from the celebration.

Shaken Up - @jamesbuchananxsteviegrant

Steve and Bucky find their girl passed out.

Under Pressure - @banditthewriter

Y/N hides a nasty injury from the team until they know everybody is safe, and then they collapse. Bucky worries about Y/N.

Injuries - @flowinglocksofbuck

you get injured on a mission and Bucky freaks out

Wicked - @str-spangled-banner

You were injured during a mission two weeks ago and put to much pressure on your healing wounds, doing more damage than you thought possible. Bucky fears he will lose you.

Necessary Evil - @bucky-bucky-bucky-bucky

Y/N gets seriously injured and Bucky takes care of her.

fingers fantasy fulfilled - @purple-babygirl

If Bucky's doll wanted his metal fingers then that was exactly what she was going to get.

Lavender - @wkemeup

Not every nightmare is the same and Bucky doesn’t always wake up as the man you know. 

Give Me A Sign - @lostgirlmuseum

Bucky asks the universe for a reason to live. The universe delivers you.

Fulfilled Fantasy - @sergeantbarnessdoll

Y/N admits to Bucky that she wants to have a threesome so he has Natasha help fulfill her fantasy.

Hottest Night of Your Life - @bossbtch1

Bucky and Steve joined you for a night out at the club, but things took a dark turn when a stranger spiked your drink. Bucky and Steve were more than willing to "take care" of you.

Sharing is Caring - @sad-not-glad

Soft Dom! Steve x Sub! Bucky x Dom! reader

My Queen - @adrinktostopyourthirst

The post-battle energy rush needs a release. Suddenly, there's a willing soldier at your disposal.

all the apple cider and no more haunted houses - @witchywithwhiskey

you and bucky barnes have a love-hate relationship—you love him and you believe he hates you—but when your friends insist on going to the scariest haunted house attraction in the area, the experience ends up forcing your real feelings for each other out into light

my everything - @mrsbarnesblog

The last thing that Bucky ever expected to see was the love of his life from the past trapped in one of the Hydra bunkers in the cryofreeze chamber. Yet here he was almost two days later, staring at your still unconscious body through the window at the medical wing, imagining the horror and disgust on your face when you found out that he was no longer the innocent and happy boy you knew before.

you were mine just yesterday - @notafunkiller

It's been a while since your break up with Bucky happened, but you're still not over him. You try to move on, go out, and have fun with your friend, Steve, but you end up in the same bar you two went to often. It also just happens that Bucky is there too, with Natasha by his side. It doesn't take long for you two to end up getting into old habits.

[saintsenara]

I’m curious why you loathe the implication that wizards are immune to muggle diseases. Is it because it reinforces the idea that they aren’t really the same species as muggles?

thank you very much for the ask, @urupotter!

and the answer is - yes, pretty much.

how the body is understood, how illness and disability are thought about, how the medical system works etc. are all questions that i am primed to obsess over in any piece of media - even when they're not actually significant parts of the story.

which is to say, i completely understand the reason why the harry potter series treats these topics in the way it does. magical medicine isn't one of the themes the story is designed to focus on - which means that its purpose is as incidental worldbuilding detail which reinforces the whimsical vibe of the earlier books and the darker vibe of the later ones, and which means that its treatment in the text makes sense within the setting and genre conventions of canon. harry being able to take a bludger - a cast-iron cannonball moving at speed - to the head and living to tell the tale is the same as john wick being able to fall from a great height, land on his back, and then get up and walk around: he's an action hero in a fantasy.

and so wizards being more physically durable than muggles - and also wizards having their own magical diseases, and being immune to muggle ones - all makes sense within the context of the books as literature. kids don't want to read about harry having a cold. they want to read about him being a wizard.

but when i'm deciding to enjoy myself by taking the question of just how fucked-up wizarding society is much more seriously than canon does... the implication that wizards are immune to muggle diseases and that they are broadly unaffected by physical trauma unless that trauma has a magical cause really bothers me. entirely - as you say - because it directly undermines the series' thesis that the purity of magical blood is irrelevant and that the wizarding world's dehumanisation of muggles and muggleborns by treating them as, essentially, separate, lower species is wrong.

the main canon example of this which i detest is dumbledore's suggestion in half-blood prince that merope gaunt could have survived childbirth if she'd simply "raised her wand to save her own life". after all, if a little bit of magic makes one immune to experiencing complications during childbirth [unlike thousands upon thousands of muggles throughout history, who would probably have very much liked to have lived to see their children grow up]... then voldemort is completely justified in thinking merope's death was a selfish, shameful, deliberate choice.

[i do understand that the idea merope chose to die is primarily included in the text so dumbledore can segue into saying that lily "had a choice too", contributing to the gradual reveal in half-blood prince and deathly hallows that she's the key to the whole mystery. but i still think that jkr could maybe have though a little bit harder about what she was suggesting with this than she evidently did...]

and so i think in fandom it's both fun and important not to accept the idea that wizards are automatically resistant to anything which might kill, injure, or disable a muggle - especially because it lets us really play with some of the big worldbuilding questions surrounding the conventions and institutions of wizarding society.

what do disability rights look like in a world which is so rabidly intolerant of difference, and which appears not to have any sort of welfare state? the nhs is a recent invention, created in a muggle britain which is culturally and institutionally separate from the wizarding one: so is treatment at st mungo's free - and, if not, what happens to those who can't pay? how is queerness understood in a society which appears to have views on sexual expression which are fairly conservative - and how does this mean the wizarding state responded to the aids crisis? what do reproductive rights look like in this kind of society? if the dementor's kiss results in - essentially - a vegetative state, what is done with the people the kiss has been performed on? what might it be like for your relative to develop dementia at 100... when you know they might live to 250? what impact do biases about blood status have on how muggleborn patients are treated?

i just think it's interesting!

[flastar13]

I have mixed feelings about Simón Newton, on the one hand he is an abuser of women with a gambling addiction, but on the other hand he is basically mentally raped by his ex so that he is complicit in the theft of a painting at his work, allied with criminals willing to torture him . I honestly believe that Elizabeth's revenge is disproportionate retribution, Simon hurt her very seriously, and he deserved to pay for his abuse of her, but why didn't he report it to the authorities? I think it was largely because he would have to confess that he had had an affair with his patient, breaking with his ethics. So Elizabeth chooses not to face the consequences of her decision to fuck her patient, if she decided to report Simon's abuse to the police. Instead, he violates her ethics even more by using hypnosis to erase Simon's memories of her. This doesn't sound too bad. Who wouldn't have the power to erase our existence from the mind of an abusive ex-boyfriend? But later it was revealed that she also ordered him to steal a painting and deliver it to her. At the scene of the robbery, we saw many people fleeing, several ended up falling to the ground and being stepped on by the other people who were trying to escape, they were probably injured at best. While Simon is suffering a mental breakdown thanks to Frank's brainwashing + beating, he mistakes a simple motorist for her ex-girlfriend, killing her. That poor woman about whom we know nothing, she was just lucky enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and tried to help a stranger she accidentally ran over, has just paid with her life for a love affair between two perfect strangers. We do not know if Simon was capable of committing murder before the brainwashing, he showed a clear inclination towards violence in his romantic relationship with Elizabeth and in his fantasies of murdering Frank and his gang. But he went from hitting his girlfriend and gambling, to having a body count of 4 or 5. Throughout the final scene he seemed to be in the middle of a mental breakdown, and when he is killed by Elizabeth, he doesn't seem to be in touch with reality. Did Simon really deserve to die or did he desperately need psychiatric help after being hypnotized and going through so much stress? Is Elizabeth just a mere victim who empowers herself by taking revenge on her abuser or an unethical therapist who, after her affair with her patient turned abusive, would seek not only escape but also revenge but not wanting to face any consequences for it? his bad decisions until the end? At the end of the movie Elizabeth gives Frank the choice of forgetting her or remembering her, it sounds good but it shows that she hasn't learned the lesson of not getting into people's heads because you can worsen her mental state, and hurt other innocent people.

[corgibardballads]

Foulques, man. He was my first taste of what FF14 was going to do to me.

Foulques. Holy shit. Foulques really changed my outlook of Final Fantasy 14. MMO stories usually play it pretty safe when it comes to characters. For story longevity you don’t really want to have to hard commit to big character decisions. So I was pretty shocked when, at only level 30, they committed to killing a character that felt like was being set up as a much bigger story. Really? At level 30? I guess the game is really gonna fuck around and find out with my emotions then. It set the tone of the story for me, I started going into every quest with the thought that no character other than my WoL was safe. But I’ll backup. I think most people can agree that the story quests for the initial classes are… uh… well they exist. I can hardly even remember most of them. Generally I only see people actively remembering two: Rogue and Lancer. The rogues’ guild was quirky, but I honestly didn’t think the actual story was great. It was more the theme and dialogue that made it memorable. The Lancers guild story was unique in that it felt more connected to real world problems than other guilds. Right outside the darn guild you see how Gridanians treat Duskwight elezen of darker skintones. Gelmorra is so destitute that Duskwights resort to thievery. Too proud to ask for help from those they feel abandoned by and too poor to try and turn it all around on their own. A stereotype. A bad reputation. And Foulques just embodies the result of that hatred. Now this is all just wild speculation and me replaying it 20 times and being sad. Foulques doesn't even seem to really know what he wants. He claims he wants control of the Lancer's Guild but he doesn't really have any endgame. He boasts and berates all to hide his fear. But you? You immediately embody what he wants to be. That fearlessness. A mere novice but even Ywain is starting to respect you. So he takes you as his most promising "student". It seemed like it had no purpose. So it always made me wonder if really he was begging you without asking to help him. Frantically trying to prove to you that Ywain and the guild were wrong and bad. The more he failed to do so the more he panicked. And in the end he failed you too, as a mentor. He froze in fear at the Lord of the Bramble Patch while you stood bravely in front of him. It seemed like something in him just broke. He had nothing to offer you and no way forward to convince you to his side. He just snaps. Getting a bunch of novices seriously injured is just the last straw. By the time you find him he's just mad with fear. Broken and humiliated. He's barely even making sense. But in between it all he tells you story of being poor and destitute in the Lancer's Guild. That when he and his mates stole and got caught they just turned on him. It's the Duskwight. It's always the Duskwight. He's abandoned and thrown away, no one cares about Foulques. So he nearly kills himself to be stronger and it wasn't enough.

I was upset by the ending. It just seemed so wrong. Even in his last moments, he's reaching out to you. You may just be the only person who ever just listened to him. And it just sours your whole experience with the guild. Ywain may not literally be a bad guy but his dismissal of Foulques' issues then and now directly contributed to everything. A decent person can make shit decisions.  I remember thinking if the both of us had reached out to Foulques, just tried, it could have made all the difference. It just seemed to unfair. And that made it a great story and easily one of my favorite class/job quests. Of course it doesn't help that Foulques was one the few darker skinned Duskwights we even interact with. Considering what happens in the following Dragoon quests, I always secretly hold out hope he will one day come back.

[doveywovy]

izuna and tobirama are coworkers. Tobirama is aggressively devoted to keeping his work life and his private life separate- he doesn't go to work parties, he doesn't stay and drink after work, he doesn't respond to text messages off the clock. Having said all of that, he does consider Izuna his favorite coworker: the man is clever, good at his job, capable of handling clients (which Tobirama is decidedly not) and doesn't shove extra work on Tobirama's plate like most other coworkers do.

Izuna is obsessed with him. It's a slow build from Tobirama being his favorite coworker for similar reasons (They really do work great together), but Tobirama's complete refusal to give any outside socialization starts to get to him. Izuna gets fixated on the idea he needs Tobirama to partake in the post-work drinking culture at their company (Super common in japan, and let's say especially with the Uchiha family because they're traditionalists). as time goes on and Tobirama keeps avoiding it, Izuna's fixation gets more intense and angrier. It feels like a personal affront. Going out drinking is a sign of friendship and respect, if Tobirama keeps ducking out doesn't that mean he doesn't view Izuna as a friend or someone he respects? At a certain point the only thing that Izuna will accept is if Tobirama gets fucking wasted. He needs to see Tobirama vulnerable and embarrassed to make up for the perceived constant disrespect.

Tobirama gets strong-armed into starting to attend the post-work drinking sessions because Hashirama (the CEO) is finally back from an overseas work trip and is extremely disappointed to hear his little bro is not at these events, socializing. But it's too late at this point for it to be enough for Izuna that Tobirama's there; the man doesn't drink. He'll have half a beer, maybe, once a month. Otherwise he just drinks lukewarm water. He sits awkwardly in a corner, nods politely to anyone who talks to him, and leaves promptly half an hour in. It's driving Izuna insane. (he is already somewhat insane.) Three months pass and Tobirama stops attending altogether all over again.

Izuna snaps. if he can't get a wasted Tobirama in the natural fashion he'll just have to get a simulated version. He waits until the next big company party- Tobirama has to attend. Then he roofies Tobirama.

The end result is just about what he wanted: Tobirama acts sloshed. His coordination is shit, his speech is slurred, his mental facilities are clearly not all there. He nearly passes out in an embarrassingly public fashion, and Izuna gets to be his kind and mature friend and make sure he gets home safe.

Getting what he wanted obviously doesn't make Izuna go back to normal. He's riding a high. He's doing it again. every opportunity he gets- or can make- Izuna repeats the process.

I think it's important to note he's not fucking Tobirama when he does this, not out of ethical concerns but because it genuinely hasn't occurred to him. He does take hundreds of photos of Tobirama in his worst state, but besides that he's genuinely behaving like Tobirama's Good Friend because for him that's the fantasy. He's getting him home safe and getting his shoes off and getting him into bed. if he seems particularly bad he's sticking around to make sure he doesn't suffocate on vomit or otherwise get seriously injured. (The risks he's taking with Tobirama's health by repeatedly drugging him with something that can do serious fucking damage don't count, because they're not part of the fantasy. once he's completed the action he's ignoring it; Tobirama is just Very Drunk as far as he's concerned and willing to acknowledge.)

At this point, Tobirama's getting a reputation. Depending on who you ask he's either a loser who can't hold his liquor, or an alcoholic getting embarrassingly wasted at work events. It's starting to affect his work, certainly his interactions with his coworkers.

The rumors eventually reach Hashirama, who gets worried. Hashirama's immediate thought is that Tobirama's genetically predisposed for alcoholism (Butsuma) and his lack of exposure to liquor in the past is biting him in the ass now.

Tobirama's attempts to explain that he doesn't know what happened, that it looks like he got drunk but he didn't drink, that this keeps happening but he doesn't know what it is- it sounds like excuses. It sounds more than anything like proof that it is alcoholism, because if it wasn't, wouldn't he just say "Yeah, I'm still figuring out my reasonable limit, won't happen again"? or something like that? Hashirama's pretty sure he would. So he puts Tobirama on leave and tries to pressure him into some form of recovery treatment, not that he can make him.

So the thing is: Izuna feels kind of bad.

Not for the roofies! That went great. He loved that. But doing it at work events, he's realizing, was kind of bad of him. He didn't want to lose his favorite coworker, he just wanted to be friends with him, you know? (This is obviously Tobirama's fault for failing to socialize with him outside of work and giving him the opportunity to do it there, so he doesn't feel THAT guilty, but whatever.)

So he goes to Tobirama and he lies. Obviously he's not telling the truth, fuck no, but he's happy to go and say that he, at least, has a lot of suspicions about what was going with Tobirama. That unlike any of his other coworkers, (or his brother), he knows Tobirama well (BECAUSE THEY'RE FRIENDS) and he knows he doesn't like drinking and he never seemed to be drinking at these parties even though he seemingly got fucked up at them, and that he thinks that something else was happening.

and that he's here to support tobirama- because they're friends. right?

and honestly, right now, tobirama really needs a friend.

who wants my deeply unethical izuna office au

[rayshippouuchiha]

Bnha au idea where they have to actually write down who they would prefer to partner with should a "fuck or die" quirk incident happen, before resorting to professional intervention. Because look, quirks are already so fucking weird, and being a hero puts you in the path for some ridiculous shit. Redundant and hopefully unnecessary paperwork defining hypothetical situations like that makes SENSE!

(There's the random person with nurse training who has gone through extra training/psychological evaluations to be certified for medically necessary sex if the person doesn't have anyone on their list/no-one on their list agreed)

This would also be a situation where the quirk is more just "unreasonably boosting existing libido" so ace people can't be affected (or kids, cause no. But that DOES need to be clarified I think)

Anyways it kinda comes back to my enjoyment of the mutual pining where they aren't ever going to do anything unless actually pushed into it, but wanting actual consent to be a thing that happens.

Would be a fun AiDeku idea, just one of the two of them getting affecting by a fuck or die quirk and the reveal that they are the others first choice for a partner. Would be very fun if it was like, pro-hero Deku who got hit with it and the nursing staff is just like "who the FUCK is this Aizawa person?!?" And then Aizawa shows up a whole-ass exhausted hobo man who's a fucking mess and they are like "This is him? THIS!!! Deku get some STANDARDS PLEASE!!!"

Not gonna lie, I read the very first sentence of this and my mind immediately went AiDeku AU so it's nice to see we're on the same general wavelength. SO here we go again!:

The Emergency Intimacy Contact (EIC for short) has been a long-standing tradition in heroics. It was drafted into the official paperwork required by all heroes regardless of public standing since the villain Cupid had rained quirk-enhanced arrows down on the heroes of Tokyo a couple decades before.

(The fall out had seen the entire Heroes Wing of Tokyo General turned into what was, essentially, a giant orgy that had resulted in several divorces, the formation of a number of new couples and throuples, a handful of shotgun weddings, and the birth of two sets of very very spoiled twins the following year.)

Making sure one has their EIC filled out is a serious and important part of setting their affairs in order when embarking on such a dangerous career as professional heroics.

Which means, of course, that barely anyone takes it seriously these days.

Spouses and partners are, of course, commonly jotted down for heroes who are in committed relationships with no interest in straying. Others write down close and trusted friends.

But there's a rather large portion of modern heroes who use their EIC as a sort of "fantasy bid" or even as their "one exception" with a more serious aka realistic EIC written down as a backup.

And since consent has to be had from both parties whenever an EIC is enacted no one really bothers to police who is and isn't put down.

"Take it seriously," Toshinori had always warned Izuku. "If you don't choose wisely and you ever need it ,,, friendships have been ruined over less."

There's a wealth of things there that Toshinori had never fully explained but Izuku had been able to put the pieces together easily enough. All Might and Sir Nighteye's fall out had been rather famous after all and had actually started the year before Toshinori had been so grievously injured.

Izuku had debated over who to put down as his EIC when he'd first had to fill them out. At the time, freshly debuted as a pro and still pretty much alone, he'd had no real options no matter how unappealing the alternatives, sedation and/or a trained professional stepping in if necessary, had seemed.

But now, years later and with the form renewals having come around for the year, a part of him is thrilled that he might actually have choices these days.

It really is a wonder, the things that friends can come in handy for.

Getting arrested with Hitoshi that one time and then meeting and being rather forcefully adopted by the majority of his UA class really was one of the better things to ever happen to Izuku.

But still, choosing which of his friends to ask something like this from has been proving to be almost equally as difficult.

"Come on Zu," Hitoshi huffs from his places sprawled out on the floor, "it's not that difficult."

"Is too," Izuku refuses to admit he might whine just a bit.

"It's really not," Ochako chimes in from where she's nestled between Tenya and Tsu.

"People with two partners don't get to speak," Denki chimes in then.

"~Jeal~ous~," Ochako practically sings, expression smug.

"Just do what the rest of us single people are doing," Denki waves Ochako off with a rude hand gesture. "Put down whoever you think is the hottest hero you wouldn't mind getting hot and heavy with. I, for example, have put down our very own Enigma."

"Sucks to be you," Hitoshi pipes up then, "cause I put down Hawks."

"I'm at least your second choice right?" Denki practically pleads.

"Zu's my second choice," Hitoshi immediately shoots him down.

"Hitoshi!" Izuku sputters just a bit.

"Zu, broccoli boy, the sunshine of my dark life," Hitoshi rolls his head enough to look up at him, "if you're not the first or second choice of at least half the people in this room alone I'll eat my capture scarf."

There's suddenly a lot of people very pointedly not looking in Izuku's direction.

Izuku can't help but wish he'd taken an extra patrol like Shouto did if only to have escaped this conversation before it ever happened.

"Seriously though," Hitoshi continues. "Just pick. Pick a friend or, like Denki said, pick someone unrealistic but hot that you wouldn't mind getting railed by."

Teeth chewing at his bottom lip, Izuku bobs his head in acknowledgment and turns his attention back towards his paperwork.

In the end he ends up filling the three blanks that have been provided out backward. His third spot is taken by Shouto and his second by Hitoshi.

They're two of his closest friends these days and neither of them is in a relationship like Tenya, Ochako, and Tsu are. No matter how hard Denki keeps trying to change that where Hitoshi is concerned.

But when it comes to that number one spot ,,,

Well Izuku suddenly can't get Denki and Hitoshi's suggestion out of his head.

Someone hot. Someone sexy but generally unrealistic.

A fantasy pick.

When Izuku thinks about getting absolutely railed as Hitoshi put it, there's really only one name that comes to mind.

Izuku only hesitates for a few more seconds before he finally breaks and fills in the final blank.

Hopefully the occasion will never come where Izuku has to explain to his entire friend group that his fantasy pick is the infamous Demon-sensei that still haunts the majority of their nightmares.

Besides, it's not like the Eraserhead would ever actually agree to help him out if Izuku did have to call in his EIC.

Six months later and Izuku will look back on this moment and cringe.

[ronearoundblindly]

Do You Two...Fondue? (11)

Summary: Reader has a suspicion confirmed and a fantasy lived out. (Warning: smut. MINORS DNI.)

Man With A Plan, Part One (see previous or series)

You may be injured, but that’s not the only reason you stay holed up in Steve’s rooms for a few more days. Based on the messages you exchange with Gracie (once you finally rummage for your phone in the hurriedly repacked bag from the river), the bear-knuckle fight is still all the buzz of the rest of the compound.

A portion of the Team get sent out on a minor mission, and in Steve’s absence, there’s a knock on his door.

“Glad I caught you awake,” Tony Stark chirps, letting himself in once the door is open enough to slide through. “There’s, uh, something to discuss.”

“Would you like anything to drink?” It’s only polite to ask since you’re pretty sure what’s coming.

Tony thinks about that before refusing. Yeah, this is definitely about what you think it’s about. 

“No, thanks, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for what happened…and, this is probably not gonna make sense but—“

“You gave the footage to them, didn’t you?”

Stark blinks, words cut short by you skipping too far ahead in his script.

“Or should I say, your drones saw the whole thing, and I’m pretty sure Steve gave you permission to leak it?”

On the sat-phone in the hospital, Ro said “Steve had my blessing in all of this.” Your sibling would never presume to offer a blessing for you to simply date someone. They could only have meant Steve made a difficult decision he wasn’t entirely comfortable with and wanted Ro’s take.

“Spangler,” Tony starts weakly, “we thought it was an opportunity to turn the tide of…media. If it shut down stories and questions about whether or not you belong here—“ he opens his hands in the air, innocent and remorseful “—worth it. It was my idea, but Rogers agreed.”

Unfortunately, you’d also figured that much as well, panicked about the implications while locked in the bathroom shortly after leaving the hospital, but your anger wasn’t really directed at Steve. They hadn’t been wrong, and as awful as it was to see yourself on those glossy pages that way, you know Steve was attempting to make life easier for you to stay with him. He actually intends to keep you around. He wants to, and he’s willing to brave some wrath to do it.

“And the pony?”

Tony’s head snaps up. “Oh yeah, well, spur of the moment thing for Morgan.”

“Nope,” you call out his lie and purse your lips. “Which means…?”

“I designed it as a joke for the superlative party,” he admits, shoulders slumping. “It was gonna be your trophy till Pep talked me out of it.”

“Right, well, thank god for Pepper.”

“But wouldn’t it have been so great if you turned out to have stars tattooed on your ass?”

One look shuts him down. Tony holds up his hand as if you’ve preached gospel and shifts his gaze around the living room, clucking his tongue. “Not exactly big enough for two people, is it?”

“Get out.” You point to the door with an over-exaggerated look.

He does walk over and he does put his hand on the doorknob, but Tony stops short of opening it. “Seriously,” he mutters, “we are glad you’re here. You are doing okay, yeah? ‘Cause it’s not the same when us mere mortals get knocked down.” His brown eyes shine with sincerity. It’s the same knowing look that Steve wears so often.

“I have no fucking idea, Tony.” You flair out your arms to emphasize one is broken and you’re standing in a hundred-plus-year-old dude’s apartment in a compound for galactic superheroes. “Makes it weirder if I am ok, doesn’t it?”

He snorts. “Don’t tell Romanov, but you’re my favorite.” Tony opens the door before something else occurs to him. “Oh and if they aren’t back, you want to come for dinner up top with the fam?”

Your smile is genuine but fatigued. “Sounds nice.”

“Yeah, I can cut up all your food and help feed it to you—“

“Goodbye, Tony,” you boom, pushing to help close the door a little faster. You can’t hear his giggle but know it happened. Suddenly, you are left alone in the same room as before, but it feels different with confirmation.

Steve sees more than you thought. He must have recognized how much the press affected you. You don’t eat differently, but the fact that you hesitate about eating normally every time is probably noticeable. For you, it’s mentally punishing. Everyday, three to five times a day: should I eat this? Will they get a picture? Make it a story? Make a joke? No. That shit isn’t a good enough reason to care, but…you have to convince yourself of that every single time. You haven’t given in to the pressure; that doesn’t mean they haven’t reframed your whole thought process.

Of course, you’re angry and feel a little betrayed, maybe scared, too, but it’s not as if the story is made up. The photo isn’t doctored. Everyone really was ok, and you really did bitch-slap a bear with Cap’s shield. In no way are you denying pride in that feat, but did it have to be announced with your ass in a bikini?

The answer is yeah, it did have to be your ass in a bikini, because no one in their right mind would stage looking like that for fake news. Good god, at very least you would have untucked the one side from riding up your asscheek. No one can think you’d show that on purpose.

It takes you a long time to see what Steve meant; it’s not the worst picture. Your hair, wet from the river, is whipping around with the force of slamming the shield at the bear’s head. Your stance is firm and grounded, so it looks almost like you know what the hell you’re doing. The bikini is at least covering everything important, and if Steve likes how your hips look in this shot, then you’ll take that. The sideboob isn’t terrible either. All-in-all, it could have been much worse. You can practically feel Tony say “told ya so.”

It’s with that mindset that you continue your ‘recovery’ (boredom) and wait for Steve to return. You do go up to dine with the Starks, playing ponies with Morgan for a while before heading back to rest. Steve comes back to find you asleep on the couch, and he kisses your forehead as you make to sit up.

“Stay relaxed. I need to shower anyway.”

“No,” you pout, groggy but stubborn. You plant yourself upright and spread your legs wide, patting the seat between. “Come ‘ere.”

Steve looks exhausted, the distant, I’m-barely-here kind. He sighs, landing on the bouncy cushion as close to the edge as possible, his back to you. Your tsks and arms circling his waist—well, one circles and one pokes at an angle—pull him closer on the deep couch.

“Honey, I’m gonna crush you,” he mumbles.

“No, you won’t,” you shush in his ear. It’s only sudden, large movements that tweak at your ribs still, nothing that will hinder what you’re planning. “You weigh much less than a bear, and anyway, you owe me, Rogers.”

Steve seems to be settling, adjusting into the comfort of your hold, leaning his head into your neck. He must be really, really tired to fight so little. “I’m sorry I was gone so long.”

You snake your feet and shins over his thighs, pinning his legs open, but he doesn’t seem to care. “No worries, but that’s not what I mean. How long did you think it would take me to find out that you okayed the leak?”

Steve stiffens but makes no quick moves to get away. “I—“

“It’s fine. I’m not mad. Truly. Little taken aback. Little embarrassed, but I’m not…blind as to why you did it. Tony is nothing if not opportunistic.”

“He said,” Steve breaks the silence after, “he had to turn off the movement alert while the boys played so it didn’t regis—“

“Seriously,” you coo with a kiss to his cheek and one to his lips when he turns, “it’s done now, but you owe me.”

His bright blue eyes glitter in the low lamplight as he leans more of his weight into you. Dramatically sighing, Steve says, “what’s my punishment?”

You almost want to know what he thinks his punishment should be. What all would he do to make it up to you? It’s a tantalizing idea, but if you’re going to lull him into submission for even a moment, he needs to remain unsuspecting. Ease him into it, you see.

“You have to tell me what you would do if I weren’t here.”

He’s confused, laughs lightly, and pats your knee. “Sure. Ok. Well, like I said, I would shower.”

You scratch gently at his stomach where your hand rests. “Uh-huh.”

He shifts his head to look at the clock. “It’s a little late to call you, so I’d text to see if you’re awake. Ask how you’re day was.”

“And if I’m not awake?” You swish a larger circle over the abs of the tact suit. When Steve looks back over, you add, “you seem so tired. Can you fall asleep right after a shower on a long day? How do you wind down from a mission?”

Steve lets out a little laugh. “I talk to you,” he says cheekily, rubbing his thumb over your casted arm. You can tilt your eyes to see him pressing his lips into a teasing smile. He knows what you’re asking, but he can’t say the words. “Or I think of you.”

Bingo. Now you’re getting somewhere. “And what do you do when thinking?”

He doesn’t say anything, but you can hear his deliberate breaths and feel his little twitches to adjust on the couch. Your hand slides lower. Since the whole tact suit is a thin skin of armor around him, Steve likely cannot feel your fingers reach for the seam of his pants, but he knows. He has to by the way his eyes roll back and flutter closed. The low burr of the zipper drawing down cuts through a breathy silence.

“How long has it been, Cap? When was the last time you—” you peel back the sides of stiff, leathery material to reveal the pouch of his boxers, timing your words with your actions “—touched yourself?” 

Steve grips at your knee a little harder, his legs briefly struggling against yours. He’s hardening in your hand as you pull him free of the cotton. The more weight he leans into you, the more heat pools between your own legs, but he still hasn’t said anything.

Very softly, you whisper in his ear. “Is this ok?”

Steve breathes deep and licks his lips, eyes flickering open. “Yes. It’s…” The groan he lets rip from the back of his throat is soft as a whisper, too, but oh so dangerous. “Before…before the river.”

He stretches himself longer overtop you, his breath hitching. “Want…to touch you.”

You smile, but before you can speak, you release him and lift your hand. You’ve been letting saliva pool in your mouth while he stutters beneath you. He parts his lips when you slip your wet fingers down his length. Damn those lips. You can’t reach them without disturbing his—well, the good news is it looks like bliss—and settle for a few kisses along his jaw. His stubble from the last few days scratches.

“Let’s focus on you, Sketch.”

Steve squeezes his eyes shut harder and bends his neck back over the curve of your shoulder. His suit groans slightly in unison with his movements. You’ve slicked his cock completely and pump him with steady pressure before slowing.

“When before the river?” You nip his earlobe.

“Uh,” he moans, brows furrowing in thought, “morning. Before I picked you up. Knew you’d be—“ you’ve increased the rhythm to encourage his answers “—in, uh gah, a swimsuit.”

Your own breath comes heavier, and you bite your lip. Steve might not be able to talk dirty, but his honesty is pretty sexy on its own. He just needs the right motivation.

“And that’s what you thought about? Me in a bikini?”

His eyes slowly open but are so glazed over you doubt he sees anything. His long lashes shade what little light hits his face, a tiny sliver of blue visible around wide, black pupils. Steve’s hand drags up your thigh, jutting his elbow out to give you better range of motion.

One breathless word. “Stockings.”

It makes your heart flutter, his fantasy, his bruising grip on your hip, his little thrusts up into your hand. His highly-controlled breathing takes on an intense edge, and Steve reaches his arm that was draped over your cast up to grab your hair. It’s not a painful hold, but the way his fingers dig deeper and deeper into your locks warns you he’s close.

“That sounds fun,” you kiss each word into the tender skin of his neck, rewarded with a grunt that’s nothing short of unhinged excitement. Heat radiates up his skin. Low as you can pitch your voice, you tease, “do you need to come, Captain?”

Steve sucks air through his teeth so fast he nearly whistles. With a swift maneuver he’s locking his lips to yours while his one hand leaves your hip to cover yours as it strokes him. He grips you and himself harder than you would think comfortable. All noise has stopped from him, not even breathing. His mouth sits open against yours while he fiercely chases release. By the last few pulls, he’s too gone to guide you or his own hips.

He finally breathes when cum spills over both of your hands. Steve’s composure is shattered, but he stays silent. 

It occurs to you that time in the military and long stretches away on missions have trained Steve to handle his business as privately (and quietly) at possible. On top of all of his inhibitions, he needs to unlearn loneliness and seclusion as a default.

He lays warm and malleable in your arms, unlatching his fingers from your hair. The hand falls to pet as much of your leg as he can reach. His mouth swallows your effort to ask if he feels better.

You pull away to rest your foreheads together. “I love you.” They are the ghost of words, keeping you two enveloped in quiet that much longer.

Steve’s eyelashes tickle your nose as he takes in the sight of himself. “I’m sorry. I love you.”

You think he’s apologizing for the mess across your hand, but you’re elated that he let you touch him. It’s a huge step forward and has given you an infinitely better idea of what turns Steve on. He does think about you, and your body, and he gets excited by it. You’re not sure why it’s taking him so long to reveal these things, but at least you’re learning. Steve isn’t so much a puzzle as he is a Rubik’s cube: you can align certain parts but then mess up the row trying to match more. He’s gonna take a while to solve, but you’ve seen such glorious hints of how it can be between you.

“I suppose,” you whisper into his ear, “you may go shower now.”

(Next part)

Tags: @im-a-slut-for-fluff

[foryoumyheroes]

Otaku

[Bakugou + Todoroki] are in love with the anime character [Name]. 

A/N:  Gender-neutral reader  Crackish?? 

Bakugou Katsuki: 

He’s sort of picky with the genre, be it fantasy, horror, shonen, but his favorite character has to be a super cool, super powerful one. No excuses. 

You know, the type of anime character that’s probably introduced through a silhouette of them posing dramatically with their notorious group whose image is teased throughout the first few episodes/seasons. 

He goes pretty hard for All Might, and he’s definitely the same for your character. 

Reads the manga (but he buys it super secretly, like in a hoodie at night and the cashier probably thinks that they’re being robbed until he brings the entire [Series] collection to the register). Watches the anime the moment it’s broadcasted, reads metas and watches youtube videos that talk about conspiracies/analyses of your character. 

NO ONE CAN KNOW THOUGH. 

He’s taking his anime phase to the grave. 

For some reason gets super aggressive when you’re being flirty or being shipped with another character?? He hates all the scenes that tease any potential romance between you and other characters. asdfgj He’s like, “No one is good enough for [Name]!!! Except for me.” 

He even tries to think up ways he can legitimately square up with them LMAO. Like he wonders how he could defeat your potential S/Os in a fight but y’all are like ,,, anime characters SO WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER LOL 

“Three-sword style?? Tch, I’d fucking blow that bastard to bits.” 

“Who’s this Gaara of the Sand looking ass and why is the author getting so bold.” 

He even tries to think of how well your abilities match up with his own Quirk, this dork. 

THE LENGTHS HE WOULD GO FOR YOU.

If you were a real life person and your dislikes are lets say spicy food or loud, overbearing people, Bakugou would be like, “Tch I’m right, they’re wrong. Shut the fuck up!!!” But if his ultimate wifu/husbando has those dislikes he would be like, “Omg...😳😳 opposites attract...👉👈” 

He honestly tries to be a low-key fan (as in, not be a fan at all to outsiders), but if one day during class Kaminari ends up saying that in [Series], you’re the weakest character in your group/squad, Bakugou would get super angry. 

“Hey, Dunceface!! It’s so fucking obvious that you’re an anime-only fake fan, so don’t talk as if you know shit!” 

Bakugou is those “um actually” ;; fans 

Bakugou is a manga reader, so by the time your introduction scene or Ultimate Attack scene is being aired he becomes super OOC. He’s hyped for it for days, incredibly nervous at how the animators handle the scene. 

By the time he watches it?? 

THE ANIMATION!! THE VOICE ACTING!! YOUR COOLNESS!!! PLS ORA ORA HIM IN THE CHEST!! HE’S BEGGING YOU! IF YOU’RE GOING TO UNISON RAID WITH ANYONE PLS LET IT BE HIM!! 

He’s legitimately sweating buckets by the time the episode is over. A whole-ass fire hazard. 

Probably knows how to play your character theme on the drums. 

Omg but if your character dies/is hinted toward dying/or the most recent chapters ends with a cliffhanger where you’re fatally injured he will become legitimately depressed. 

Like holes himself in his dorm room for a whole day without contacting anyone and with the blinds drawn type of depressed. 

When he comes to class the next day with eye-bags and is slouching and his classmates think that something horrible has happened, it’s probably only Izuku who knows what’s going on. 

He’ll say, “You’re upset about the most recent chapter of [Series], right? I know it must be hard for you right now.” He’ll give Bakugou an officially licensed rubber strap of your character and Bakugou will just ;; cradle it in his hands softly. 

In complete seriousness, your character is probably someone who is strong physically, but publicly rallies for things like, “Failure is fine.” Your character arc would probably explore what it’s like being not good enough or feeling constantly disappointed, so he feels comfort in your character. 

Todoroki Shoto: 

In comparison to Bakugou, he’s probably a more low-key fan unintentionally, but goes just as hard. 

Buys all of the merch, limited-edition or not, has your picture set as his phone lockscreen and homescreen, has a little acrylic charm of you on his phone, follows several fanartists that draw your character on social media. He buys enough merch that his room looks like a glorified shrine. 

It’s canon that he reads manga, but I headcanon that he’s even less picky with his genres and willingly reads things like slice-of-life or shojo all the way to shonen or adult fantasy, so your anime could come from any possible story. 

Your character is probably someone who is sweet and kind but has a traumatic character backstory. 

He probably ends up thinking stuff like, “If [Name] was with me, I would never let them get treated like that.” asdhj he’s a dork too. 

Unironically dramatically quotes you during battle and thinks that it’s still badass because he’s a teenage boy in his anime phase. 

Doesn’t get into debates with people who don’t like your character. He’s like, “Everyone is entitled to their own opinion :)) even though they’re wrong. >:(.” 

If you’re from a sports/competition anime he’ll try to learn all of the rules, and even try it out for himself (if it’s not fighting) but he finds out that he’s... not very good at it. That doesn’t make him any less amazed though! 

If your character is from a different culture with different customs and traditions, he’ll even learn more about them outside of your anime! 

Forces his siblings to watch the anime with him. They don’t necessarily have to, but the Todoroki household has one big TV and he hogs it all the time watching your anime over and over. 

Natsuo is begging him to watch something else and Shoto will just pout angrily from the other side of the couch.( ￣＾￣)

It’s so jarring because he doesn't look or appear like a hardcore anime fan, but sometimes he’ll just butt into conversations randomly and talk about you. 

Like you know those tumblr Naruto posts that talk about it as if it’s some sort of Renaissance literature. That’s Todoroki. 

[”Man, they’re so hot--!” 

“You want to see someone hot?” Todoroki asks with a perfectly straight face, and he’ll just... turn his phone around and show them a picture of an anime character.] 

When his dad tries to set him up with someone else: “You think they’re my type? Do they watch [Series]? Do they know what true friendship is?? Do they understand pining and love the way [Name] does?” 

Endeavor: who the FUCK is [Name]. 

Gets into fanfiction because of your character and series. He’ll just be reading on his phone during break times at school and everyone thinks that he’s being so well-read but he’s just reading pure smut with a straight face. 

Doesn’t mind when you’re shipped with other characters necessarily but he is super picky. If your character is hinted toward a potential romance with another character that’s pretty crass and doesn’t necessarily treat you well but you’re sticking together through the power of friendship, he won’t ship it. 

He’s just like “[Name] would be so much happier with someone else like me.” ://// 

And if your character goes through something traumatic or terrible during the series he’ll be so sad, like soooo sad. :((( Deku would probably be comforting him on the couch in the common room and everyone is concerned because he looks like he’s mourning a lost pet, but it turns out to be over some anime character pshhhsdfh. 

Deku would just be patting his shoulder trying to console him and Todoroki’s just sitting there with a big frown on his face going, [“But they’ve been through so much throughout the anime already...” 

“I know, Todoroki-kun, I know...” 

“The author can’t do that to them... It’s just not fair.”

“I get it,” Midoriya says mournfully.]  

Plot twist: They like the same anime character 

They’ll probably find out when they have to retake the license exam together. 

Todoroki will just take his phone out during off times and Bakugou’s eyes looks over because it’s drawn by the noise but then his head just snaps to the side when he realizes its a little charm of you, like, he’s going to get whiplash from that. 

“What the -- is that [Surname] [Name]?!” 

Like they have never really hung out together before this, so when they both first realize that their favorite character of all time is [Name] they’re left ,, just standing there ,,, pointing at each other like the spiderman meme.

At first they’re both inwardly excited because FINALLY someone cultured and with taste. They spend the entire time talking about your stats, your attacks, your post-timeskip character design, and your personality, and then they delve a little bit deeper and then they realize ,,, oh. 

Bakugou says that you don’t belong with the dumb protagonist, you should be shipped with someone strong, confident and loud, but Todoroki is like noooooo they deserve to be with someone that treats them gently. 

They connect the dots. 

[“Bakugou, you aren’t compatible with [Name]. It says so in their trivia page.” 

“Says you! They won’t want some bland-ass pretty boy! They would want a real man!”] 

They’re such fanboys ;;; they do realize that you aren’t real, right asdfghj?

One day Kaminari and Sero separately invite them to an anime convention, but they both say no and that they have plans or “something better to do” that day. 

Then Bakugou and Todoroki both turn up to the convention at the same place because they both reach for the last limited edition [Name] figure and they just stare at each other wide-eyed (ʘoʘ╬) like that. 

They start verbally fighting each other over the last figure and then physically fighting each other andddd then they get kicked out of the convention. 

Izuku ends up swooping in and getting the last box. 

[mangodestroyer]

Yeah, Aziraphale can easily bench press at least fifty more pounds than Gabriel can. Maybe even more than that. Gabriel fucking hates it. He works so hard to be stronger and Azi out does him with such little effort. It doesn't help that people gather around to see Azi out do GABRIEL so easily. Telling him about how strong his cousin is and how impressed they are. That Azi should consider joining a competition.

And what makes Gabriel even more jealous is just how lovestruck Crowley looks when Aziraphale casually bench presses 300 pounds, like it's just his normal work out routine. That beautiful man, going after his cousin and not HIM? How ridiculous! So what if his cousin is a little bit stronger? He's fucking Gabriel! Everyone loves him. Everyone thinks he's hot shit! And yet, most the time, he'll just watch this happen with a strained smile. Azi knows it makes him seethe, so the bastard in him pushes him to show off a little. Try even MORE weights (but of course, not enough to injure himself). Crowley finding it attractive is just a nice bonus. He loves how much it puts the handsome young man into a trance. He loves that he has a chance with him because he finds Crowley so lovely. Not just for how he looks, but for who he is as an individual. Also, it's a much needed ego boost for his appearance. Feeling desired like that. He's too used to Gabriel making off-handed comments about they way he looks.

All the other members see the chemistry between Aziraphale and Crowley. They got the vibe that neither of them were straight when they first entered the gym, and this just confirms it. And a lot of people wouldn't be surprised if they ended up getting together. And they just want them to kiss already. A couple people started giggling over how Crowley watches Aziraphale like a hawk, with that lovestruck expression on his face. Many find it very cute. Especially since they see Azi helping Crowley through a lot of work outs. And how that normally grumpy, ornery redhead will sometimes act like a bashful school girl around Aziraphale. Again, they just want them to kiss already or become official.

Aziraphale has very reasonable expectations when it comes to dieting. He figures it's just better to substitute healthier ingredients here and there and find tasty options with less calories. He knows going straight to something like keto is hard for people to stick with, and not always the best for you. Crowley is in for a real treat. Not only is Aziraphale the strong, teddy bear man of his fantasies, but he's also an amazing cook. He probably pulled together a healthy weight gain and blood pressure diet that Crowley actually ends up indulging in and enjoying a lot. He easily gained ten pounds when he started dating Aziraphale.

Yeah, speaking from experience, I'm a little appalled by what jobs ask for. And for such little pay! Nowadays, $15 an hour is just a poverty wage if you're living on your own. $20 is just a glorified "making bank" wage when it's still just a "barely poverty" wage. $25 would be a little more comfortable, but still not great. $30 is what people should really be aiming for, and yet that's just... not offered all that often? It just blows my mind that some food service and retail jobs pay between $15-20 an hour (and employers act like this is gold when it's really not). And then I see listings for jobs that require certifications and degrees that sometimes pay as little as $14 an hour... Like, seriously? That is so fucking offensive! No one should have to feel so undervalued after putting in the work to gain skills. Trust me, I'm a little peeved finding out, halfway through my schooling, that this bs even happens with STEM degrees. I'm getting myself a degree in mathematics, after years of being told how useful STEM degrees will be in the future (and also because of passion). And yet... there are tons of people with very useful degrees not getting hired? Wasn't there supposed to be a big technological boom? Weren't there supposed to be more revolutionary findings in math and science? You mean to tell me that was all a lie and the world is really only about making money for a few individuals over frivolous services and items?

Crowley probably thought he got a useful degree himself. Busted his ass for it, getting good grades and everything. Even did some internships. And yet... he ends up with this shitty job doing something that's hardly related to his degree. He works the job of three people on a good day. Four or five on a bad day. He feels so numb most of the time. He goes home so exhausted, not even feeling like a human. He kills time either staring tiredly at a wall, or scrolling through YouTube shorts and not processing anything that's on the screen. The only things in his apartment that aren't neglected are his houseplants, which he sometimes gets so frustrated over when things don't work out for them (one of them gets a spot or whatever). He lost touch with all his friends because he'd been so busy in his college years, and now he's too tired to make more. He feels so lonely and unfulfilled and, not to get dark, but living like this makes him wonder why he's even doing it sometimes. Why he keeps going on, if this is all adulthood is ever going to be? Killing yourself over a full-time job, and then contemplating getting a side gig if he ever wants to be able to save up for anything. Dealing with grumpy roommates because they already work two or three jobs just to get by. Poor guy probably cries himself to sleep some nights.

Not sure what Aziraphale does for a living in this scenario, but Crowley would probably be better off rooming with him later on. Maybe he can get help finding a better job too and getting out of that toxic work environment. Get himself a job that pays better and doesn't work him to literal death. Maybe Aziraphale finds it relatable. Maybe he used to work some shitty jobs too and so tries to help Crowley work through the stress of that and get out of that situation. And yeah, Crowley doesn't want to admit it, but he has a fucking anxiety disorder after being in that office for so long. Aziraphale can just tell by how impatient and panicked he gets when little things go wrong. How tense or grumpy he sometimes gets. Has probably witnessed him breaking down into tears over something as simple as filling out paper work. Again, he does what he can to help rescue those telomeres.

Gabriel did nothing for Crowley's already deteriorating mental health. He was so ready to give up after dealing with him for a few sessions. Felt like even more of a failure for not being able to take care of himself and keep up with a "simple" work out routine. Aziraphale probably caught him looking pretty down on himself. Was a literal angel that day and helped Crowley get motivated again. Just by making sure he was alright and agreeing to meet with him so he could show him how to use some of the equipment and teach him a routine that might work better for him. Not whatever some glorified influencer thinks is best for him.

For some reason, I can actually imagine human Azi being conscientious about his health.

Now, don't get me wrong, he wouldn't be a total health nut. For one, he seems the type who was naturally built to be a little more stout. He wouldn't beat himself up too much over being overweight (but he feels bad when people pick on him for it, and unfortunately, body insecurities are just too common with how ruthlessly society picks on appearance). He just tries to keep off whatever isn't normal for him. He'll still indulge in desserts and all that too.

He just also makes sure that he has healthy, fresh meals. And they're fucking delicious. He can easily inspire human Crowley to actually eat well/work on his eating habits (Crowley is definitely the skinny person who spends long periods of time not eating, or eating very little, and then scarfs down a bunch of junk food). Aziraphale probably tries to encourage Crowley to live a healthier lifestyle in general because lets face it, human Crowley would just not be very kind to his mortal body.

Gabriel, on the other hand, he's the obnoxious gym rat. The fatphobic POS who picks of Azi's weight, even when he's exercising. He tells Azi to do more even though he's already going on walks, doing his stretches, and lifting weights. In other words, he's more of a nuisance rather than a help. He'd probably pick on human Crowley too for being too slender.

[troquantary]

Edward Cullen: That Boy Ain’t Right

So I was doing a reread of @therealvinelle 's collection of Twilight metas, as one does, and in "Edward, Denial, and a Human Girlfriend" she mentions that she doesn't believe Edward is sane. I thought, "ha, yeah, he's definitely not," and also, "but wait, what does that mean exactly, please say more about that." But since she's already inundated with asks, I've decided to use my own head-muscle and explore this idea. (TL;DR: I start out more or less organized, synthesize some points Vinelle has made across several posts (and have hopefully linked to them all where relevant but please tell me if not), touch a little on narcissism, then take a hard left into the negative effects of being a telepath.)

Just a couple things to note at the outset, though. Theses have been written already (probably) about Edward as an abuser. Edward being insane doesn't negate that at all; he's definitely an asshole and just...a disaster of a human being. (I find it more funny than anything, but YMMV.) I'm also going to try to avoid talking specifically about mental illness and how it relates (or doesn't relate) to abusive behavior -- that's territory I'm not really equipped to discuss, like at all. My starting point is "Edward has a deeply warped perception of reality," not "Edward has X disorder."

So: deeply warped perception of reality. The evidence? Goes behind a cut, because my one character trait is Verbose.

Vinelle provides a great example of it in the post linked above, which I'll just quote because she does words good: "[Edward] keeps acting like his romance with Bella is a romantic tragedy, and all the cast of Twilight are actors on a stage making it as sublime as possible." Edward's the one to pursue Bella, but he does so with the full belief, from the very beginning, that it will never last; Bella will "outgrow" him, go on her human way, and he can spend the rest of eternity brooding magnificently over his too-short romantic bliss. [Insert premature ejaculation joke.] Turning her is never an option, even though Alice, Noted Psychic, says that romancing Bella will either end with her dead (exsanguinated) or dead (vampire).

This framing, where he's a dark anti-hero in love with -- but never tainting! -- the pure maiden and eventually leaving her in a grand, tragic sacrifice to preserve her soul? It's fucking bonkers. Bella isn't a person to him in this scenario. As Vinelle points out, Bella's never really a person to him at all; he falls in love with his own mental construct, cherry-picking from what he observes of her behavior and her responses to his 20 (thousand) Questions to convince himself that she is the ideal woman.

Bella's not the only one who gets the projection/cardboard-cutout treatment. Edward sees everything and everyone through a highly particular, personalized lens. He filters his entire reality, which we all do to an extent, but the thing with Edward is that he starts with his conclusions and then only pays attention to the evidence that supports those conclusions. Often that evidence consists of what he admits in New Moon are only "surface" thoughts -- but recognizing that limitation doesn't keep him from taking those thoughts as representative of what people are. Edward then becomes absolutely convinced by his own "reasoning" and won't be swayed from what he has decided is Objectively True. It's obvious with Bella; it's also painfully obvious with Rosalie. (Vinelle explains this and brings up Edward's raging Madonna/Whore complex in the same post, so refer to that again -- she's right.)

He also catastrophizes. Everything. Bella's just vibing in her room, rereading Wuthering Heights for the 87th time? She's gonna be hit by a meteor, better sneak into her room while she sleeps. Bella's going to the beach with the filthy mundanes their human classmates? She's gonna fall in the ocean. Jasper's cannibal pals are stopping by for a visit, but know not to hunt in the area? DISASTER, DEFCON 1, ALSO FUCK YOU JASPER FOR EVEN EXISTING IN MY AND BELLA'S SPHERE YOU UNSPEAKABLE BURDEN. Edward must believe that Bella is vulnerable and in near-constant peril, to support the reality he has created in which he is the villain turned protector and maybe?? hero??? (!!!) for his beloved. So when the actual, James-shaped danger arrives, he goes berserk, snarling and flipping his shit and generally not helping the situation. His fantasy demands that Bella remain human, so instead of doing the very thing Alice, Noted Psychic, assures him will neutralize the threat (and not just a threat to Bella, either, but to Bella's family and any other human James might decide to include in the "game"), he vetoes it immediately, no discussion. Bella Must Not Turn, and he sticks to those guns despite James nearly reducing her to ground beef, despite leaving Bella catatonic with depression (but human! success!) in New Moon, despite Aro's order and his family's vote and, let's not forget, Bella's clearly and repeatedly stated desire to be a vampire. It's going to happen. But he doesn't accept it until Renesmee busts out of Bella like the Kool-Aid man and the poor girl's heart finally, unequivocally stops.

Sane people don't behave this way. I don't want to slap labels on Edward, but I can't help but note that he comes across as highly narcissistic. He's the only real person in his universe, the lone player among us NPCs. That probably has a lot to do with him being frozen in the mindset and maturity of a seventeen-year-old boy, but I think it's also just...him, on some fundamental level. His failure to connect with others and recognize them as full, independent beings with their own wants and priorities isn't like Bella's failure -- she's badly depressed. Edward is...something else, and I get the sense that his sanity has been steadily deteriorating over time. And a cursory google of narcissistic traits turns up some familiar-looking stuff. He's self-loathing, yes, but also grandiose; he hates himself for the monster he is (and hates most vampires besides Esme and Carlisle for their monstrosity, too) but still feels superior to humans, to the extent that he felt entitled to human blood and resented Carlisle for depriving him of his "proper" diet. He eventually returns to Carlisle, but he's far from content -- the beginning of Midnight Sun finds him in a state of ennui, bored and dismissive of (if not outright disgusted by) everyone around him, that has apparently persisted for years and years. He doesn't play the piano, he doesn't compose, he doesn't enjoy anything...at least until Bella comes along and then he becomes obsessed to a disturbing degree with her and his new, romantic tragedy spin on reality.

[Next-day edit: I’m not sure where else to fit this in, but the way Edward casually contemplates violence against people who have, at best, mildly annoyed him is...chilling. I have a hard time writing off his strategizing how to murder the entire Biology class as a result of bloodlust -- it’s so calculated, nothing like the blackout state of thirst Emmett describes when he encountered his own “singer,” and that is probably the default for when a vampire is extremely thirsty. But even ignoring the Biology class incident, Edward still does things like consider, with disturbing frequency, how he might grievously injure or kill Mike Newton, all because...Edward considers him his romantic rival (despite Bella barely giving the kid the time of day). He thinks about slapping Mike through a wall, which might be an amusing slapstick image, except as a vampire Edward’s actually capable of turning this boy’s skeleton to a fine powder. So it’s, y’know, kind of sick when you think about it.

But even worse than that, when Bella tells Edward about how she flirted with Jacob to get at that sweet, sweet vampire lore, Edward chuckles and then, after dropping Bella home, flippantly observes that now that the treaty’s broken, why not genocide? I’m not even kidding, it’s right there in Midnight Sun; he seriously thinks about the fact that he’d be technically justified now in wiping out the entire tribe because a teenager tried to impress a girl with a spooky story. That is fucked. Remember, Edward was there with Carlisle when the treaty was first established. He knows how remarkable it is that they even came to a truce in the first place, that it was only ever possible because Carlisle is...well, Carlisle, and that it marks a pretty significant moment in supernatural history. He doesn’t care; he doesn’t respect it, or he’d never think something like “Ha ha, if I went and killed them all, I wouldn’t even be wrong. I mean, I won’t do it, but I’m just saying, I wouldn’t be wrong.”

Again: not the thought process or behavior of a sane person. (Or a person that respects life in general -- sorry Carlisle, big L.)]

Finally, whether he's a narcissist or not, I think the fact that Edward has constant, unavoidable access to everyone's thoughts is a powerful contributing factor to his instability. He can tune out the mental noise to an extent, but he can't stop it -- so he comes to rely on it like another sense. This causes issues with disconnect and lack of empathy, of course, but there's another facet to this shit diamond: he's basically experiencing a ceaseless flow of intrusive thoughts. His narration in Midnight Sun suggests that he "hears" the words people think, can "see" what they visualize in their mind's eye, and can sense the emotional "tone" and intensity of their thoughts. Therefore, perceiving Jasper's thirst through his thoughts makes Edward more aware of his own, "doubling" the discomfort. This would be a lot to deal with even from just his immediate coven members, but Edward gets all of this pouring into his head like a firehose on a day-to-day basis because the Cullens live right alongside humans. I know Meyerpires have galaxy brains or whatever, but that's a ton to process.

Besides the compounding effect on his own thirst when he "feels" the thirst of others, Meyer never suggests that Edward has difficulty separating his own thoughts from other people's; even when he was newly turned, he recognized Carlisle's "voice" in his head as Carlisle's. That would create a whole different host of issues around identity, but it looks like Edward's escaped that particular torment. However, I can easily imagine that what he does experience is just shy of unbearable nonetheless, with an eroding effect on his sanity over decades. He can't sleep to escape it; he's on a dishwater diet and probably (like the rest of his family) experiencing a perpetual, low-grade physical discomfort due to his thirst never being fully satisfied; and he's around far more people than is the norm for vampires -- even discounting all the humans, his own coven is unusually large -- meaning more noise.

Honestly, it would be weirder if he were all there, considering.

And even though I feel like I lost a sense of structure around where I started ranting about telepathy, I've written like 1.5k words about Edward fucking Cullen and I think that's enough for one post.

[omg-just-peachy]

24 from the asks?🌸

24: favorite fic you read this year

ahhh there were so many good ones, i'm going to list a few and do a mini end of the year rec list!

the love spell by annie d (stevetony)

Tony wakes up in love with Steve. This is an alarming turn of events, because he wasn’t in love with Steve when he fell asleep the night before. That said, it’s sort of nice? To be in love? He’s enjoying it, anyway.

how to win affection without really trying by annie d (stevetony)

Tony almost dies saving Steve’s life, but that’s just part of being an Avenger. It’s no reason for Steve to get all weird and intense around him afterward.

black and blue by festiveferret (stevetony)

When things at home with Brock go downhill, Steve takes refuge in the job he loves, as Tony Stark's PA.

comfortable by festiveferret (stevetony)

After the events of The Winter Solider, Tony comes to the hospital to take Steve home.

i'll turn hours into gardens by nanasekei (stevetony) (a many times over re-read but always worth mentioning because it's amazing)

Every week, a plant arrives.

make me warm (hold by hand) by holistic_alcoholic (winteriron)

But it was a fantasy, a shameful fantasy Bucky had, that he cherished in the silence of his mind, for Tony would never — not like that. Acting on it would mean betraying their friendship, betraying every kind thing Tony did for him. So no, Bucky wasn’t thinking about it, Bucky did not want it, Bucky wasn’t planning to talk about it.

Or: Bucky pines and complains about the cold. Tony makes everything better.

keep the ashes from my heart (and walk away) by coffeeinallcaps (sambucky)

(In which Sam starts dating someone who is not Bucky, and Bucky pines, gets seriously injured, and proves himself wrong.)

mind of stone by capnwinghead (sambucky)

Sam is staying with Bucky temporarily when Zemo breaks out of the Raft. Instead of laying low, he invites Sam to dinner.

i wanna be the place you call your home by notcaycepollard (sambucky)

Sam is pretty sure he’s gonna die.

He’s been fucking sick with this fucking cold for two fucking weeks now, and he’s reasonably goddamn certain this is how he’s gonna go.

It’s not the cold that’s going to kill him. Bucky’s looked after him so well he’s in no danger of dying on that front. Honestly, Bucky’s the best nurse Sam’s ever had, which is nice and all, of course it’s nice, but he’s still fairly sure he’s gonna die right now, or at least soon, because he is so sexually frustrated he’s just gonna go up in flames.

double or nothing by writtenechoes (sambucky)

The fic where they're fuck buddies and play pick-up basketball every Sunday. Maybe they're in love, everyone else thinks they're already together, they're both just a little slow on the uptake it seems.

the house/wilson first fuck radiology betting pool (housewilson) (in case anyone else would like a house md rec, i have many many many)

House/Wilson, hospital gossip, sex. Oh yes, and the bet belongs to Evil Nurse Brenda.

end of the year fanfic asks

[etherealdizzle]

DBD Yandere Trickster x Dom Female Reader

Trigger Warnings: Violence, Death, Blood

This new world was different for him. There were no rules, no consequences, and no playing fair. It was the fantasy that Ji-Woon Hak had dreamed of. He was allowed to kill as he pleased, with no worry of capture. No fear of having to stop because he was caught. He could do whatever he wanted and he was praised for it.

The survivors all looked at him with fear. He craved it. He was flashy, even more so once the entity brought him to this world. He was allowed to show off, to laugh in their faces as he saw the blood-curdling fear and desperation in their eyes. All of them feared him; all except one.

She had been here a long time and had seen the killers grow in numbers. A clown, a cowboy, a nurse, a pair of twins. All of them brought new dangers. But she adapted to the new threats and overcame her fears. She got tired of being scared a long time ago. There was no escape from this world. She tried desperately to leave. She tried to kill one of the killers, Trapper, but failed. They couldn’t be injured. They didn’t feel pain. All of her plans and attempts failed. So, she dealt with it.

Maybe that is what drew the Trickster to her in the first place. When he first saw her, she sighed. Like she was tired, like she didn’t care. It made him angry. He wanted her to fear him. But she didn’t. After he sacrificed her, he thought that would make him happier. But it didn’t. It angered him in a way. But in another, it impressed him.

As time went on, he understood her. She fought well, ran him around as gens popped left and right. The frustration made him more psychotic, more angry, but she still wasn’t afraid. She was too strong for it. Perhaps that is why the entity brought her here. To remind the killers that they aren’t gods, but people and things that still bowed down to the entity.

Sometimes he saw the entity in her eyes. Not like it was controlling her, but like she was controlling it. However, the look faded once the Trickster swung his bat, sending her to the ground with a scream and a thud. The Trickster giggled, dark and giddy, always happy to catch her. It was like a treat, catching someone so rare and enchanting. A well deserved reward for his work.

As she was on the floor, she grunted and cried quietly in pain Ji-Woon watched, frozen in place. She turned to him, her back to the ground and looked up at him. She frowned, waiting for a moment as all he did was stare. “Well?” She said, impatiently.

The Trickster raised his eyebrows. He had never heard her speak before. In fact, he never heard anyone speak. He didn’t even know they could. Her voice wasn’t soft, but powerful and fierce. He kneeled down next to her, hands outstretched to pick her up. But for some reason, his hands stopped. They were shaking, like he was nervous.

She huffed, rolling her eyes at him. “What are you doing? Let’s just get this over with already,” She complained. He obeyed her command. Her voice was beautiful, and he couldn’t help but comply with her wish. He grabbed her, grunting as he did with everyone. The entity might have given him strength, but it still made him work for some things. He hoisted her over his shoulder, and he felt her immediately trying to break away. He admired her. The thought flashed across his mind and he knew it was true. He threw her on a hook, her screams filling the air. Everyone was dead. No one was there to save her. She snarled her teeth at him as the entity stabbed her, taking her soul away. He watched her float up, always curious where they go. A new trial began. And another. And a few more.

He hadn’t seen her in a while. He grew impatient. Each trial without her only made him miss her more and more. He grew angry. Each time he saw someone that wasn’t her, he killed them as quickly as he could. The sooner he was out of here, the sooner he was to see her. The entity praised him for his work. But he simply didn’t care. He wanted her with him. He couldn’t exactly say why, because even himself didn’t have an answer. To prove himself? To admire her? Whatever it was, the anxiety and anger grew until he was nearly unstoppable. The entity noticed this, and put a stop to it. Killers that got too powerful were weakened.

When he entered into the next trial, the first thing he noticed was the snow. He couldn’t feel it, exactly. He could feel it land gently onto his skin, but the effect of the cold was lost to him. He had noticed the survivors shivering once, so he knew they were affected. He liked Ormond. It was open, which gave him a good chance of hitting his blades. He also liked the fog the snow gave off, allowing him to get a little closer before the survivors noticed.

As he wandered, he heard the sound of a generator being worked on.The progress was quicker than normal. There were a couple of people on it. He grinned to himself. Time to put on a show. He raised his knives, ready. He headed over there, but stopped dead in his tracks. He heard you. Laughing.

It was so beautiful. He could barely see you, the snow affecting his vision as he was still a little ways away. You were smiling, laughing at something. Who… who was making you laugh!? Ji-Woon frowned and clutched his bat tightly. No one else was supposed to make you laugh! Only him. Only he was allowed. He moved his gaze off you to the culprit. Felix.

Felix was relatively new to this world. He was inexperienced at loops and struggled to make the right decisions. It was easy to kill the new ones. It would be so easy to kill him now. The Trickster crept closer, and the two survivors looked around. Ji-Woon quickly hid behind a wall, suddenly afraid to let you see him. Why was he so nervous? Why was his heart pounding?

“You hear that? Sounds like the Trickster,” You said to Felix. Ji-Woon felt a warmth come to his face. You recognized his music. You were paying attention to his sound. That had to mean something, right? Even if it didn’t mean anything to her, it meant a lot to the Trickster.

Felix chuckled. “If he was coming for us, we’d know. That man loves showing off.” Felix sounded rude, snobby. Trickster felt his anger seeping into him.

“Like you can say anything,” You shot back. You were defending Trickster! Almost. Ji-Woon was breathing hard, like he couldn’t hold in his excitement.

“Come on, you love it! You like modest guys, right? That’s why you like me.”

“Ehh… what?”

“Really. You and me, I feel a connection between us. Seriously, I think we should-” Felix didn’t get to finish his sentence.

The Trickster rushed him, yelling as he ran, hitting Felix with his bat. The first hit made Trickster’s heart race, a smile and a laugh rose to his lips that he couldn’t even try to stop. He wanted to kill him. How DARE he hit on her! He hit him again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and-

“STOP!”

The Trickster immediately did as he was told. He lifted the bat, putting it at his side. He admired his work for a moment. Felix was dead. He didn’t get a chance. He didn’t deserve one. Ji-Woon was panting, breathing heavily as he looked to the one who ordered him to stop.

You. You stood there, anger filling your face as you looked Ji-Woon dead in the eyes. Your eyes weren’t filled with fear. Not even now. Not even when you glanced at the remains of Felix. The Trickster scanned your eyes, trying to figure out what you were feeling. “What are you- I mean what the fuck are you- ugh! What were you thinking!” You raised your hands in the air, making fists as you felt frustrated.

Ji-Woon felt the blood dripping down his face and his clothes. The blood from the bat dripped. Plip-plop. Plip-plop. He could hear his own heartbeat and nervousness as he tried to speak. “He… He was flirting with you…”

Your look now turned to confusion. You stepped closer to him, meeting his gaze. “So why did you do that?” You said, almost gently. Almost, but not quite. Still firm, and demanding an answer.

Trickster was silent. He was trying to figure out how to respond.

“Well?”

Ji-Woon looked down at his bat. Anything but your gaze. “I couldn’t let that happen to you. You’re not his.” He said. He knew now what to say. “You’re mine.” He looked you in the eyes, finally able to admit to himself why he felt this way.

He was in love with you. He admired you, he loved your courage, he loved your skill. He loved that you weren’t afraid of him. He loved you.

Your eyes widened, your mouth open in shock. You didn’t say anything, just looked at him, then walked closer until you were against his chest. You put your hands on his chest, resting your head on him. The Trickster froze for a moment, unsure what you were doing. But he understood. He dropped his bat, something he didn’t even know he could do. He wrapped his arms around you, one around your waist, and the other holding gently onto your head. He now knew what emotion was in your eyes. It was the same one that was in his.

[ernmark]

One Possible Read of The Green Knight

I say one possible, because this is the story as I understood it as I was watching the film. When I mentioned it to my partner, he didn't take that away. I'm not saying my take on it is right or wrong (I think it's hard to say that about most reads for a movie like this), but I submit it for your consideration.

(Spoilers and a fairly thorough plot summary under the cut)

(Holy moly this got long)

A brief caveat:

Caveat the First: I'm basing this off a pre-existing understanding of medieval stories, which don't necessarily follow the same narrative structures as modern ones. The world they lived in was weird, so sometimes weird shit just happened for no reason, often very conveniently. (If anything, I think this movie did less of that than existed in typical medieval stories.) They also heavily relied on archetypes rather than distinct characters with backstories, as well as a pre-established understanding of the story you're listening to. Like the puppet show that shows up in the story, the kids in the audience had already heard the story enough times that they could follow it without any actual words. On that note, I've also read a version of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

Caveat the Second: I immediately distrust anybody who talks about any story older than three centuries or so having an "original" version. There are some stories that have distinct authors, but often these stories were retold and rewritten to suit the tastes of their latest audience. So I refer to the version I read, not "the original". I take my reading of that story into my interpretation of what I saw. I'll note the details from the version I read where it's relevant.

The Story

We start with Gawain, King Arthur's nephew, waking up in a brothel with his sex worker lady friend. She sends him on his way back home to Camelot where his mother greets him and kindly asks him where he's been all night. Oh, off at Christmas Mass, naturally, is what he tells her. She counters that clearly he's been drinking all the communion wine, because she can smell it on his breath.

She tells him she's not feeling well, so he should go to the Christmas celebration without her and tell her all about it afterward.

[I don't recall hearing her name in the movie, but in the version I read, the Green Knight is sent by Morgana. Between his mother being described in dialogue as Arthur's sister and a known witch, I'm gonna run with that assumption and call her that.]

This is where my reading diverges: I take all of this as being almost entirely Morgana's story. And from her perspective, it's kind of hilarious. Because this isn't the story of Gawain's journey into Manhood, but of a very frustrated mother's attempts to save her beloved (if disappointing) son.

While Gawain is partying with the sickly King Arthur and the knights of the Round Table, Morgana joins three of her fellow witches and they enact a spell, summoning the Green Knight and a very specifically worded challenge. The Green Knight presents a game: any one person in attendance may injure him and get his badass axe as a prize, but in a year exactly he'll have to go to the Green Knight's chapel and allow the Green Knight to return the exact same blow to him.

Arthur says he wants to do it, but acknowledges he's too sickly to do so. Gawain, already embarrassed once at this party, jumps up and volunteers to be his champion. And when he steps into the ring with the Green Knight, he cuts off his opponent's head. He'd think that was the end of it, but the Green Knight just picks up his severed head, reminds him of the deal to bring the axe back and let himself get beheaded in a year, and leaves.

[In the version I read, this was a ploy on Morgana's part just to freak out Guinevere. Seriously, that was the entirety of it. Just fucking with her rival/sister-in-law.]

In the movie, I got the vibe that Gawain was never meant to be in the line of fire. I suspect that either Arthur or one of his knights was meant to be the Green Knight's opponent, who would die after a year to get his affairs in order. Given that Gawain was Arthur's next-of-kin, that would have given him plenty of time to pass the crown to Morgana's beloved son. Unfortunately, Gawain stepping up messed up her whole plan.

During the intervening year, we see Morgana and the other witches working together to weave the Girdle of Invulnerability. As the name suggests, it's laden with magic to protect him from all harm and all blows from anyone. So long as he wears it, she explains, he'll make it home in one piece.

[In the version I read, the girdle is given to him by another woman later on at a weirdly convenient time. More on that later.]

Gawain barely makes it out when he asks directions from a young man looting the corpses on a recent battlefield. Being the idiot that he is, Gawain takes the young man's directions straight into a trap, where the young man and several other bandits are lying in wait. Despite his mother's assurances that he's invulnerable, he stands down immediately, allowing the bandits to take the Green Knight's axe, his Magic Girdle, all his money, all his supplies, etc.

During all this, three things happen: first, we see A Fox. Second, when the bandit takes the axe he goes all weird and runs off on the horse, forcing the other bandits to chase after him and leaving Gawain unobserved. Third, we get a weird vision of the future where Gawain remains where he is, tied up, until he rots away and he's left nothing but a skeleton.

My read is that The Fox is either Morgana or one of the other witches shapeshifted to keep an eye on him (alternatively, the fox is Reynard or a similar magical creature employed by them for the same purpose.) The Fox then enchants the bandit into running off with the Girdle and the Axe, leaving Gawain relatively safe. And when he fails to do anything with this spectacular opportunity, the Fox gives him the vision of what's gonna happen to him if he just waits around to be rescued.

Prompted to action, Gawain manages to free himself and continues his quest on foot. Eventually he comes across an abandoned manor. Inside, he meets a ghost who asks him to retrieve her severed head, which was thrown into the nearby spring. After some hemming and hawing, he does. When he returns to the surface with the woman's skull, the ghost is gone, but the Fox is watching him.

My take is that the ghost disappeared. They do that. The Fox, being sent to watch him, saw him actually step up and do a brave and selfless thing for once. This is what cements to the Fox that Gawain isn't a perennial fuckup, he's able to grow and mature if he's given the chance.

Gawain returns the skull to the rest of the ghost's skeleton, and he's rewarded by regaining his lost axe. (The axe placed there by the Fox, who took it from the enchanted bandit.)

So this is great, right? Gawain's fuck-upery has been cured and he's doing the responsible thing. Yay, right?

Except he's a fuckup who spends more time drinking and hanging out in brothels than doing Knightly stuff, so he doesn't know basics. Like how to start a fire or get food. Offscreen, Morgana must have been bashing her head into a wall, because her beloved son is going to get himself killed.

The Fox appears to him, and after his initial attempt to drive it off, Gawain lets it stay with him. From this point forward it stays by his side, not-so-subtly giving him directions and keeping him generally safe.

Later we meet some giants, because sometimes there are just giants. We don't question these things in Arthurian fantasy. Gawain asks them to give him a ride to his destination, but when one agrees to help him, he freaks out at the last second and refuses. The Fox speaks to the giant, quite possibly apologizing for its very rude human friend, and the giants go on their way without him.

Gawain is most of the way there by now, but it's late December in Wales, he's super cold and hasn't eaten anything but trippy mushrooms, he can't build a fire, he's been walking for days. He collapses, but the Fox urges him to go a little further and leads him to another manor house. Fortunately for him, this manor has living people in it, who clean him up, put him in a warm bed, and give him food.

We get a dreamy scene where he's being tended by his mother before he wakes up in the care of the manor. My read on it was that this manor and the people in it were sent directly by Morgana to save him. I don't think the manor was even there ten seconds before he collapsed the first time. Because Morgana loves her son, but he is REALLY bad at this.

Notably, it seems that the only people here are the Lord and Lady of the manor, as well as a blind old woman who seems to be the lady's maidservant and/or mother? Hard to tell.

Some flirting happens between Gawain and the Lord and Lady. The Lord of the manor explains that conveniently, Gawain's destination is only one day's walk away and he's several days early, so why not take some time to rest and gather his strength. The Lady shows off her library and her fancy daguerreotype-like mechanism, etc. The Lord suggests another game (mirroring the game presented by the Green Knight) : the Lord will go hunting the next day and give Gawain whatever he catches. Gawain will in return give the Lord whatever he gains throughout the day.

[In the version I read, this happens over the course of three days. Each day the Lord leaves, the Lady tries to seduce Gawain but he refuses, only accepting a kiss from her on the first two days; when the Lord returns with a hunted animal each day, Gawain gives him the kiss that the Lady gave him. On the third day, the Lady also gives Gawain a previously-unmentioned enchanted Girdle of Invincibility, which he neglects to pass along to the Lord, opting just to kiss him instead.]

In the movie, this is condensed into only one day. Gawain wakes up with the Lady creepily watching him sleep, wearing the Girdle of Invincibility that Morgana made for him. She invites him into bed and offers him the Girdle, reminding him that it can render him invincible. The scene gets a bit weird after that-- sex acts of some sort ensue, and the Lady walks away, leaving Gawain with post-coital shame and the Girdle.

Upset, Gawain grabs his stuff and makes to leave. Along the way he runs into the Lord in the middle of his hunt, and he declares that he's going to meet the Green Knight a day early. Citing their game, the Lord presents Gawain with The Fox (who is alive despite having been caught by a hunter, hmmm) and requests Gawain's "winnings" in return-- which he claims by stealing a kiss. I dunno about you, but it seemed to me that Gawain was Into It, at least before he remembers to be freaked out and runs off.

He's nearly at the place where he's to meet the Green Knight when the fox stops him. Now it starts talking, its voice shifting from masculine to feminine. It tells him that he's done a great job, and he can turn back right now and go home and nobody will know but the two of them. He doesn't have to go through with this. But Gawain, determined to fulfil his quest, drives the Fox off once again and goes the last bit alone.

Here he meets the Green Knight in the ruins of an old chapel, though because he's early the Green Knight is little more than a statue, awake but unmoving until the appointed Christmas Day. All the while Gawain just has to sit there and stew in the knowledge that he's gonna die. Finally the Green Knight stirs, asks Gawain if he's ready to die, and readies the axe that Gawain returned to him.

Throughout this, the light hits the Green Knight differently, making him look an awful lot like the Lord of the manor. After Gawain flinches away from the axe the first time, he speaks gently to him, almost tenderly.

[In the version I read, the Green Knight and the Lord of the manor are the same person, and the Lord/Knight is aware of Gawain's magic Girdle, because this was all an elaborate ruse. Because of Gawain's invincibility, the Green Knight only scratches his neck, permanently scarring him as punishment for lying about it and cheating in both their games, but doesn't hold it against him. Gawain then returns to Camelot and they keep the Girdle at the round table as a symbol that all of them have their failings.]

In the movie, Gawain flinches one more time. We then get a second very lengthy vision of an alternate future: Gawain flees the Green Knight and returns home, where he's welcomed back without external consequences. However, he's haunted by his own cowardice, giving up a difficult love in favor of living up to expectation, only to lose everything in the end anyway. His life following the cowardly route was longer, but it wasn't a better life.

He stops the Green Knight one last time, only to remove the Girdle and set it aside before declaring himself ready. The Green Knight is genuinely pleased by this, and he leans in and simply traces a finger over Gawain's throat, before happily saying. "Off with your head."

The movie ends there. Whether the Green Knight leaves him alive or kills him is up for interpretation. But even if the Green Knight wasn't on Morgana's payroll, I feel like he's way too fond of Gawain to do him real harm at this point.

And so Gawain has grown up-- he's brave, he's honorable, he's learned to keep his word and face the consequences of his actions. And Morgana, after some major struggles and a lot of called-in favors, has managed to keep her son from dying on his quest. Victory all around.

There's also an after-credits scene: just a little girl playing with Arthur/Gawain's crown. Notably, this little girl is neither of the children Gawain had in his vision of the cowardly future, so I interpreted it as a new future with a new child with potential all their own.

But that's just my take.

[chalkrevelations]

SO, Episode 28 of Word of Honor was a roller-coaster ride.

(Spoilers, as ever, so scroll away and come back later if you want to see it unspoiled.)

They managed two entirely separate scenes in this one that had me going “Did … did that just happen? Is this really happening?” Let’s get this one out of the way first: The scene of Zhao Jing in his serial killer lair with the altar and memorial tablets and his serial killer trophies. Y’all. I swear, scene opens with a shot from behind of drunk Awful Yifu in his Fantasy Ancient China underwear staggering through a set of doors into a room with candles and draperies, and before I was able to register the rest of the set design, my brain gave a terrified squeak and started rabbiting around like, “Oh my god, please do not let this be Xie’er’s bedroom. Oh my god, they wouldn’t actually go there, not even hinted, surely that would be too far!” Then my eyeballs caught up and registered the set, so I thought I was safe, but that didn’t even turn out to be the moment in the scene that had me going “Is this really happening?” (Although I do think the fact my brain immediately jumped to that scenario speaks to the creepy vibe the show has managed to build between Awful Yifu and Xie Wang). So, Zhao Jing is a sloppy drunk and absolutely shitfaced, stumbling around and yelling at his dead brothers, and I’m sitting here watching him, feeling like I need a shower, with my skin a little bit trying to crawl off my body, and then he picks up Rong Xuan’s memorial tablet and pours an entire stream of alcohol out of the pitcher all over it, and I say, out loud, to the screen, “Oh my god, they just had him figuratively piss on that tablet.” Only, no, they didn’t, because there was no need to have him do it figuratively because then, he literally whips it out of his pants and takes a piss on the tablet, complete with sound effects, and I’m open-mouthed, thinking “Is this really happening?” As some background, I grew up in mainstream U.S. culture where ancestor veneration isn’t formally practiced - although it isn’t an entirely absent part of our cultural mythos, it’s just that now when I when I offer cultus to the Patres Patriae, it’s deliberate and intentional – but I’ve been doing ancestor work in my particular flavor of polytheism for long enough, and intensely enough, that I had a visceral reaction of disgust and horror to this. Hand literally clapped over my mouth in shock, even after watching all of his ranting at his dead brothers and spitting at his dead shifu and just generally being a disrespectful asshole with delusions of grandeur building up to it. So, yes, show, you have indeed convinced me that Awful Yifu is the worst, even in an episode that also devoted that much screentime to Prince Jin.

Fortunately, the other “Is this really happening?” moment was at the other end of the spectrum, somewhere in the face of how married Zhou Zishu and Wen Kexing are, which I cannot believe passed censorship. I know I keep saying that, but every time I think I’ve adjusted to how far they’re going to go, the show laughs gay-ly as it pushes the envelope another mile down the road. Truly, this show is the gift that keeps on giving where these two are concerned, and not just because of Zhang Zhehan’s face. I realize I had to spend 50 episodes deciphering Lan Wangji’s smallest microexpression (not that I’m complaining), but I can’t believe how expressive both Zhang Zhehan and Gong Jun are in these roles, with Gong Jun’s little sadness eyebrows when WKX wants ZZS to humor him, and how soft Zhang Zhehan’s face gets when ZZS looks at WKX, and how great they both are at making all this look like a pair of adults who are in an established relationship and confident of each other. I’d be as weak as Wen Kexing if Zhou Zishu pouted at me the way he does when he tells Chengling that he can’t do anything to help decorate the Manor except observe and direct because he’s oh, so injured and frail, poor him. Wen Kexing can laugh at Zhou Zishu when ZZS pokes at him by saying the papercrafter was such a beauty! (Compare this to his reaction back in the day, when ZZS deftly manipulated him out of bringing A-Xiang along on their honeymoon adventures by calling her a beauty and implying she might draw attention away from WKX!) Wen Kexing waves kitchen knives at Zhou Zishu in (somewhat fond) exasperation! Zhou Zishu now accepts Wen Kexing piling his plate with food at the table as perfectly normal! There’s no crying in Spring Festival! They send their kid outside to watch the fireworks so they can have sex some alone time! (Merciless killers. How the fuck so adorable?) Someone must have backed up an entire truckful of money to the house of someone very important to get this aired, because what is the heterosexual explanation for … any of this?

Other thoughts:

We continue to get small things that maintain the parallels between Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishou and Gu Xiang/Cao Weining, including the mirrored theme of finding a home with a welcoming family, shown through family dinner, and expressed through WKX’s description of his former self as a “lonely ghost,” echoing A-Xiang’s self-description (to Shen Shen in an earlier ep) the same way.

HAN YING! Listen, I am stupidly attached to this bit player, and not just because he’s a familiar face (because half of Wen Xu’s screentime in The Untamed was just a disembodied head hanging at the entrance to the Unclean Realm, so it’s not like there was time to get … attached). And I say stupidly attached because ever since we first saw the way he looked at ZZS with big puppy heart-eyes, I knew he was going to be a goner. I just know they’re gonna fridge him for the next step in ZZS’s journey, because something has to pry ZZS out of Four Seasons Manor, as much as I, personally, would like nothing better than to see 8 more episodes of wedded bliss for two gay dads and their son. (OK, one thing I would like better would be if their daughter and son-in-law came to live with them, too.) At least it looks like Han Ying will get to die taking a figurative bullet for ZZS, which will make him happy and might prevent him from finding out the Glazed Armor he’s so proud of bringing is actually pointless, because don’t think that didn’t hurt to know while I watched him being so proud of managing to get his hands on it. But I’d prefer he didn’t die at all, show. Also, why on earth are there only two (completed) stories under the ZZS/Han Ying label on AO3? Because yes, I have looked. I have the search open in another tab right now. Why haven’t more people taken advantage of this guy’s utter devotion for ZZS? How are people looking at the way Han Ying reverently brushes his fingers over the single white blossom on the wall mural in ZZS’s rooms back in Prince Jin’s palace and not falling all over that?

Xie’er, oh, Xie’er. You’re killing me, here. I need someone to rescue you, you desperate affection-starved little sociopath. So, to recap, last time we met, your Awful Yifu finally let it slip that he was never ever going to acknowledge your existence in public. So now, you’re being a very clever boy, setting up a scheme to manipulate him into having to publicly acknowledge you if he’s going to claim credit for your successes (because I’m sure you can’t even contemplate failure) in service to Prince Jin. So clever, but I hate to tell you, you’re clever at everything except learning from your mistakes when it comes to your Awful Yifu. You really learned nothing from Beauty Ghost, did you? Ugh, your sad little face as you watch your hot mess of an Awful Yifu while you wait for the maids to make tea – it hurts me. Please tell me you’re playing some kind of long game, and you’re just a really great actor. Because he’s sloppy drunk, and right now, watching your face journey, I think maybe you think that makes what he’s saying true – that he’s not guarding his words, and he means it when he tells you that of course he loves you and would never leave you. “Are you still angry with me?” Awful Yifu literally asks. “Alright, I’ll apologize. I was just mad. It didn’t mean anything. We’re together in this. I’ll always stand by you.” Xie’er, you have got to stop believing gaslighting abusive men who shovel that BS. This is what they call the honeymoon period in the cycle of abuse. Seriously. This is textbook. Please stop making the same mistakes over and over again. Maybe think about the fact that your Awful Yifu is, single-handedly, the reason the Department of the Unfaithful actually exists in the first place. He is THAT AWFUL. I would like to think actually seeing his serial killer trophy room will make a difference, now that you have some confirmation of what Tragicomic Ghost told you and not the ability to wave it off as part of some he-said, she-said situation where how could we ever possibly know the truth, despite the fact that Zhao Jing has shown he’ll stab anyone in the back in his quest for power? But, then, I also thought maybe learning last ep that he never planned to publicly acknowledge you would make some kind of difference. Are you going to roll the dice again, gambler? Because I’ll tell you right now, the house always wins. (Not that you’d listen to me anymore than you listened to Beauty Ghost.)

(Also, wait wait waitwaitwait. Waitaminit. This is pure speculation and probably way too out there to be true (oh, but, someone’s going to write this AU for me, right?) Hot-mess drunk yifu tells Xie’er that they’ve been depending on each other “ever since I picked you up and brought you back home.” I can’t remember if we know anything about Xie Wang’s background at this point, but it does sound like Zhao Jing might have literally yoinked him off the street to raise him. He … he doesn’t think Xie’er is actually Yan’er, does he? Only he kidnapped the wrong orphaned urchin by mistake? I’m just sayin’, thinking back to Shen Shen’s reaction to finding out Zhen Yan was still alive, it would be exactly the kind of thing Zhao Jing would do, to keep this kid that his brother(s) wanted to find hidden right under their noses.)

Chengling and the chicken. I can’t, y’all. And Zhou Zishu’s face as soon as he realizes what Wen Kexing is telling Chengling to do – he knows this is going to be a show.

Prince Jin, you are almost as bad as Xie’r and his awful Yifu combined:

Prince Jin: Zhou Zishu, you mastermind, your super-secret spy network continues to spread everywhere, including into my very own palace. Oh, the things you must be plotting against me!

Zhou Zishu, chillin’ at Plum Blossom Manor, day-drinking, dressing up in pretty festive robes, taking advantage of his disciple’s unpaid labor so he doesn’t have to raise a finger for himself, and providing his husband with sex so incredible he is never required to actually cook: “OK, my gay husband and our son-with-two-dads, how about we just stay here together forever and be happy?”

Also Prince Jin: *Creeps on Zhou Zishu like a gaslighting m’fker*

Anyway, if Prince Jin always knew what Han Ying was up to all along, is the letter about ZZS’s father a plant, with false info? It was just kind of suspiciously hanging out in the open on Prince Jin’s desk.

[skold]

alright time to roast chris’s astrological chart

let’s fuckin go

read more for length

sun in libra - your sun sign is basically your outward personality. ur sense of self. libra suns value fairness and balance and harmony over most other things. tend to put a lot of thought into the things they do. sincere, honest, decent. intolerant of general asshole behavior and those who treat others like shit. a STRONG sense of aesthetic and artistry, prone to becoming artists of some sort.

moon in aries - moon is more yr internal self. a lot of folks relate more to their moon sign bc it’s how we feel about ourselves. aries moons can be hotheaded and impulsive. they rush through things and hate uncertainty. can give off just really intense energy in general, but most fire moons do.

mercury in scorpio - mercury rules communication and interpersonal interaction and oooooh lord does scorpio in mercury want revenge. they’re emotional and unstable in their communication. tend to like art and mysticism and psychology. can see right the fuck through people. you cannot bullshit a scorpio mercury. 

venus in scorpio - venus is basically yr love language planet. rules love and sex and also generally what you find pleasurable in life. venus in scorpio people have intense sexual energy and are generally expressive of their sexuality. they’re often the “impossible to resist” type. they love desperately and deeply. good at getting others to do what they want. have a deep sense for other folks emotions and desires.

mars in aquarius - mars is the planet of action. it’s about energy and drive - any kind of drive, be it sex drive or ambition or goal setting or work ethic. mars in aquarius folks want to be fuckin weirdos. they’re the type of people who stand out both in appearance and their energy. care a lot about enacting societal change and fighting some sort of “system”, be it society or a repressive family or certain stereotypes.

jupiter in pisces - jupiter is about growth and expansion. how we self actualize. it’s also sometimes associated with luck and fortune. jupiter in pisces natives are super friendly. hospitable and charitable types. want to look after other people. super sensitive and intuitive. good at “reading the room” so to say. often distrustful and suspicious of the motivations of others.

saturn in sagittarius - big daddy saturn is an asshole. rules over restriction and order and also ones growth over time. saturn will hurt your feelings to teach you a goddamn lesson if you fuck around. these people tend to reject organized religion and form their own set of morals. they worry about problems too much to the point of inaction. they lack the sort of trust that others love and care for and value them, and will basically always go through life feeling unsupported and like they can only rely on themselves.

uranus in sagittarius - uranus is such a slow planet to orbit it doesn’t move sign alignments very often and remains in the same sign for years and influences an entire generation. rules individuality and revolution. uranus in sag folks crave progress and accomplishment. they see others as equals and fight against xenophobia and general bigotry. generally optimistic.

neptune in capricorn - neptune is also a super slow planet so it influences an entire generation. it rules spirituality and fantasy/imagination. this placement often means a strong determination to meet goals and they have a desire for perfection.

pluto in scorpio - the slowest of planets and the ruler of power and transformation. if you’re reading this you likely have this placement!! most millennials do. these natives have the ability to reinvent themselves. prolific and capable. often into the occult. use their sexuality as a source of personal power.

so that’s the planets, now here’s some other astrological points

north node in aries, south node in libra - the nodes are mathematical points opposite each other in the chart. south node indicates your comfort zone and north node indicates what somebody wants out of life and has to go out of said comfort zone for. these folks have a lot of internal conflict. they have trouble balancing things in their life and have basically zero concept of moderation. tend to bend over backwards for others and suck at setting boundaries.

lilith in gemini - lilith is a fictional point opposite the actual moon. in mythology, lilith refused to submit to adam, rejected the world of adam & eve and decided to go chill with satan instead. and if you ask me lilith did nothing wrong, but that’s a whole other post. lilith in gemini folks are constantly searching for their sense of self. they’re constantly changing and can feel like they don’t know themselves. they do not take things seriously because they feel other things and people can change as easily as they can, which is fundamentally untrue, but difficult for them to understand. make friends easily and like to meet people from other places. ymmv but some folks believe lilith placement can indicate what health issues someone may have, and gemini lilith people are believed to be particularly vulnerable to respiratory infections and injuries to the arms/hands.

chiron in gemini - chiron is an asteroid btwn saturn and uranus. in mythology, chiron was an immortal centaur who was a healer and a teacher. he was injured by a poisonous arrow by heracles and it should have killed him but due to his immortality, he was suffering in excruciating pain but couldn’t die. he gave his immortality for prometheus and upon being sent to the underworld, zeus showed mercy on him and raised him up into the heavens as a celestial body. chiron symbolizes unhealable trauma but can also indicate how one can accept their suffering and move forward. these people feel that they are constantly being misunderstood. they either feel that nobody listens to them, or that people misunderstand what they meant, or even that no one wants to understand them. but the more a chiron in gemini placement tries to correct this misunderstanding, the more it may hurt them.

now here’s some of his aspects, which is just how certain planets align in the chart and interact with each other. there’s gonna be specific astrology words here that i simply do not have the brain to explain right now, but it’s not important really, just there for the folks who do know astrology and want to know what some of his aspects are. i’m not going to include all of them cuz that’d take forever but here’s some notable ones

sun opposite moon - emotions and feelings of the moon are the opposites of the ego and individuality of the sun. this can occasionally cause conflicts, especially in relationships between close family members - parents and children or with significant others.

sun sextile uranus - brings conventionality and independence. creative dynamics and independent creativity. they like to work on projects that benefit their society. idealistic, progressive, intuitive, original. they have the need to be different and they want to show their uniqueness. 

moon trine uranus - need for considerable emotional independence and freedom. often lead unconventional lives and they do not like to yield to the will of others. feel separated from society. often experience stormy emotions and mood swings.

mercury conjunction uranus - good manners and mental balance. can express themselves well and are convincing. their views are also well balanced. their thinking is often so rational that they are not able to express their feelings too openly. 

mars sextile saturn - can work without getting tired. careful and consistent. excellent organizational skills. they like stability and security, and they do not like to take risks. can easily deal with challenges and obstacles.

mars square pluto - this aspect is challenging because these people are stubborn and determined, so they often hurt other people´s feelings with their sharp judgment and their decisiveness can often lead to big life changes

and anyway chris continues to be the person most loudly Their Chart out of all the folks whom i have ever read their charts.