#and then i have to be like no u dont fucking understand that i cant relax. i never relax. my life is a series of tasks and thinking abt
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POTES FINISHES KOTOR!
i planned on going to bed early tonight but the kotor brainworms made me finish the game and WHAT A GAME MAN!!! anyway sessions 10-12:
the t in ten stands for traumatised
i love how i was like omg i hope i find revan and theyre my best friend! but the second i found out i was revan i was screaming and running away like NOPE NO GET OUT OF HERE
just want it to be noted that in the hours between playing this morning and now ive repeatedly caught myself just staring into space w blank expression its all ive thought abt all day like what has this game DONE to me
i literally had to make a revan playlist earlier lmao i havent even finished the game
also i searched revan on my blog and turns out last year i got an ask where i discovered revan was a customisable protagonist and yet i still walked into this spoiler free, meaning i managed to outrun spoilers via stupidity or having a horrible memory or both. im the ultimate anti-spoiler machine
tbh it didnt help that i thought revan was a bloke for at least the first like, 6 hours
you know one of my first ideas when i first started the game was "this character is going to die and then i will play as revan" and after the first mission i was like "well surely there must be a segment where you play as revan where did i get the idea that you play as revan from" the mental gymnastics i did around the truth are impressive this game gaslit me SO hard
i know its been like 8 hours since i experienced it but if anyone calls me revan again i will start crying anyway lets find carth's son and get this star map
i still cant think of revan as myself it feels like shes some dead sister i never met that's not me i cant compute it
i get why one of the options earlier was "oh i understand bastila" but i did not pick that bc SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL THEY DID USE ME!!! LIKE!
anyway time to have one of my first times playing a party without b-dog ): ill get u back babygirl (hold out for me plz dont get darksided) ill bring murderbot or the child soldier for now
ah i love carth and mission arguing. carth has no people skills
im sorry we've had a spice shipment onboard this whole time??? i wouldve liked to have known that some hours ago substance abuse would definitely help my identity issues
aw carth n mission made up! [lie/persuade] i agree she's not just a kid we should tooootally have her in active combat situations
this sith academy is crazy wdym ppl r out here starving and dying to get in
i love that i said my companions were slaves
wtf theres only one bed. okay mission you can have the bed me and carth can sleep on the floor
onasi i recognise that sur-- DUSTIL?? SHIT CARTH ONASI OH MY GOD I FORGOR
well that went about as well as bastila's family reunion. it's okay tho cause the parental issue solver is on the case carth i will have this shit fixed asap
these tombs suck
i love that my party members have stopped following me this is useful and great i love having to manually move them everywhere 10/10 gaming
im avoiding the dark side options so hard rn idc if i'll get less prestige i CANNOT risk going evil IM NOT REVAN
ive had so many options to be like "well get fucked im darth revan" but i dont want to get laughed at or anything so im just gonna stay quiet
also i still havent accepted it and i think saying i was revan might make my character find the panic attack dialogue option
ok we got kidnapped and electrocuted by a kiddie fiddler and that seemed to fix the companions not following me problem
slay i just stole the master's ipad and that solved dusty's daddy issues. literally i could have fixed the original trilogy im so good at parental issues if i was born 4000 years later there wouldve been no star wars movies it'd be chill
sw fix-it au: revan is just There
aww theyre bonding <3 <3 <3 <3
yay i did enough stuff to enter the tomb <3 cool i'll do that later
hilarious that mr sith master was like ok fine i will declare u the victor when everyone else who applied is either dead or left the building
ELEVEN ALSO RHYMES WITH REVAN AND i'm still not over it man
god gives his toughest battles (my friend was having boyfriend problems) to his bravest soldiers (me who wanted to start playing kotor again immediately after dinner but had to be a good friend and help her)
anyway back to REAL problems. let's go get this starmap
i dislike seeing malak on the opening screen now. he literally tried to blow me up and he may have killed or kidnapped bastila i dont wanna see that bitch
can we use our force bond to like. message bastila and check she's ok bc im taking everything this game said as foreshadowing and she talked a LOT about how no jedi is immune to the dark side you know. can we make malak hasnt reverse-revan'd her
looked up a walkthrough for that pillar business cause its late and while i know it would feel satisfying to get it right, i can't be assed
pillar isn't a word anymore
oh i kinda thought if i sided w yuthara i'd be able to talk her into going lightside but wompwomp
oh yay a talk!
ok she left i got lightside points thats close enough
lets get out of here before anyone starts questioning why i came back alone from the tomb
omg lena from mission's brother's girlfriend… and shes not a bitch???? oh my god griff was the bitch lena sounds so nice lets go to tatooine
im realising ive probably missed out on a lot of sidequests by only taking b-dog and carth out for missions but uhhh
i understand that it's very important that we save the galaxy by finding this star forge but you know what i love more than saving the galaxy? drama. we're going to find mission's brother
MALAK WAS THE ORIGINAL MEATBAG
man the evil stuff sounds bad but come on revan-me had a good sense of humour. meatbag (:
fuck me sideways with a toothbrush we've got to go do walking simulator in the sand dunes again to find mission's brother
this game really makes you understand luke skywalker bc i too would be desperate to leave this planet if i spent more than a week here
oh my god so youre saying if i just walked around the full tusken base then i wouldve found mission's brother. this is what i get for not exploring every nook and cranny
im not giving griff shit. u just know in the modern day he'd have a podcast and constantly share those entrepreneur tips on instagram, thinking he was an alpha male when he has $2 and no bitches
my textures arent loading in this is so funny everything is yellow and white
ok heres the plan its very late i should be in bed but this is probably the final mission so im gonna get ready for bed and then come back to this and we're gonna pretend i make healthy life choices and that i'm not addicted to this game
session 12! yep!
and it's been so long it's definitely the morning now so theres a whole new session it's definitely not only been 10 minutes since the last bullet point and im definitely not gonna play this all night
i make healthy life decisions lets find this star forge babygirls
NOO GET AWAY FROM MY FRIEND BASTILA YOU EGGFUCKER GET AWAY
i hope the star forge has a bin i can toss malak into
christ on a bike thats a lot of ships
this secret star forge planet is lovelyyyyy. vacation planet
btw my save file is called 'tanalorr is mine' and this planet is… well its making me feel validated for calling it that
why do these ppl keep attacking me im just a chill guy
of course theres an energy shield. theres always some kind of energy shield
are u being fr? mandalorians?? get a job u guys.
omg the fish guys know im revan????
omg YOU CAN LEARN LANGUAGES W THE FORCE?? INCREDIBLE
well presumably i missed the nonlethal option to get the scout back cause i am killing this entire base rn
omg who cares im maxed out light side i have lightbeams behind me in the character menu
every time someone talks abt me n malak goin somewhere when we were besties makes me sad. like i get i was revan and evil then but still we were besties ): now we're enemies ):
great. the bad guys are gonna be inside waiting for me. this is so uncharted-core
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MALAK’s FACE HOW IS HE ALIVE THATS SO MUCH JAW GONE
is that--?? bastila queen why r u wearing black
NOO HER ASS GOT TRILLA'D!!
ok i think that convo went ok i got lightside points im gonna get her back
well aside from bastila and the murder of an entire village i think that went very well lets go sodomise a star forge
i really have got to stop using the english language in the way i do. we're gonna defeat the star forge how about that. thats better
MASTER TORTIMER SURVIVED
YAY MY GIZKA ARE BACK ONBOARD!!!!!!!!!
bringing HK cause i want him to call malak a meatbag again
love that malak's like the droids will defeat the jedi when i literally have the destroy droid ability. get fucked eggbitch
these fights are just getting annoying now where are these guys even coming from
you know what? i dont wanna fight these twats im just gonna walk away and head to where i wanna go without fighting
tf why cant i open
its rlly funny that im revans master when he called bastila a child and its implied we’re a similar age
B-DOG!! COME TO THE LIGHT
FAT W I REDEEMED BASTILA
wow we have to get off this space station before our allies blow it up, meanwhile i have to fight a bald guy with breathing problems who was responsible for a crazy reveal in the second act. deja vu…
the bastila boss fight was easy-as so i assume the malak one is gonna fucking suck
i worked out how to stop him turning the jedi into sundried tomatoes
malak is so much taller than me lmao
bit sad i didnt get to have hk call malak a meatbag again and also what happened to his face we never covered that
YEAHH WOOOOOOOOO
ooh an honour guard… a hero’s welcome
YAYYYYY MEDAL CEREMONY CLASSIC STAR WARS
taking screenshots of the gang together like a parent with their kids
IM GRINNING SO HARD RN
I DID IT I FINISHED THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT A GOOD GAME GODDAMN. GAME OF THE YEAR IDC IF IT CAME OUT 22 YEARS AGO oh my god me n this game r basically the same age wtf
and i did it in true potes-star-wars-games fashion bc its way past midnight as it was when i finished jfo and js <3
ANYWAY HOLY SHIT!! WHAT A GAME!!!!! that plot im going completely and utterly insane over that plot i see why revan is such an aggressive fan favourite its not a time of day (night) that i can come up w coherent thoughts but wow. wow!
definitely want to replay as a dark sider at some point (and maybe mod the shit out of the game too)
thankfully ive already bought the sequel (and been informed of the restored content thing) so thats ready to go whenever im ready to give up my entire life for a kotor addiction again! yippee!
what a good story. gameplay was fairly fun despite its often-awfulness until the ending where it got a bit tedious and i felt like a diabetic with how much i was injecting myself in the leg but like! THE STORY!!!! THE CHARACTERS!!! EBON HAWK CREW MY BESTEST FRIENDS
man!
well. im not gonna shut up abt this for a while am i. look all im saying is i should probably drop a weather warning on u all cause the kotor fandom is not ready for the fanart tidal wave known as stealingpotatoes that about to hit them. batten down your fuckin hatches
KOTOR MY BEAUTIFUL BEST FRIEND MY WIFE I LOVE YOU MWAH GOOD NIGHT MY SWEET PRINCE
also to u, gentle reader, thank u for joining me on this journey <3 i hope u had as much fun as i did lmao
POTES SEMI-LIVEBLOGS KOTOR!
ive been writing my thoughts in the notes app but due to popular demand (one person asked for it) i'm posting my liveblogging DO NOT SAY/TAG/COMMENT SPOILERS PLEASE i read tags
warning im a yapper, im 10 hours in and theres a lot already (separated into sessions):
SESSION 1
whos this clown i thought i would be playing as revan
ive been too spoiled by dragon age origins this character creator sucks ass
only human???? ): fr?? ill just imagine her different in my brain or some shit
my life is being mansplained to me. is this bad writing or do i have amnesiacs
hes meta now??? hes talking abt the screen controls?????
omg a jedi and an evil jediii
omg their asses suckedddd they both died immediately
i <3 bringing a sword to a gun fight
WHY R THERE SO MANY SITH WHERE IS TJE RULE OF TWO
i clicked a workbench and it said lightsaber so either i get a lightsaber or i get a jedi friend whose lightsaber i can steal if im careful
I assume u play as revan in kotor2 so im gonna buy that now so i can play it when im done playing w this clown
i got light side points im getting a good grade in game morality which is something both normal to want and possible to achieve
everyone keeps saying revan is dead but thats my friend revan from tumblr hes clearly alive. or they???
my characters ass is distractingly present onscreen
huge fan of the way everyone collapsed drunk what the FUCK was in that wine
ok these sith ppl might be the bad guys but their armour is DRIPPY AS FUCK
ideologically i dont agree w the sith but they kinda went off w the fits
googling how to become a sith without being evil cause they have Drip
SESSION 2
i paid £1.19 to see revan he better show up in this game at some point
all these sith n i still cant find one revan….. stop faking ur death rn come out n talk to me babygirl this isnt like u….
why can i be light/dark side if im not a jedi. give me a laser sword
maybe this jedi gyal will know where revan is faking his death. or give me a fuckin lightsaber PLEASEEE
was just thinking 'does this game have romance' and then carth called me beautiful. i dont think im gonna romance anyone until i get this amnesia sorted
why is carth questioning me so much abt the crash im pretty sure i have amnesia
why tf did the jedi lady have me transferred to this ship are we in lesbians with each other???
carth's not wrong it is suspicious but i lowkey have amnesia so i coulda done that i coulda not
a lot of clone wars voice actors in this. was lucasfilm so broke in the 2000s that they could only afford the same 3 VAs for every project
mission is 14??????? we need to get my girl back in school
SESH 3
tale as old as time i fucking suck at racing games
ok i didnt realise you had to mash click i won
REVAN!!! REVAN!!!!!!!!!
why am i dreaming abt revan tho. real as hell but ?????
lmao cringe revan getting blown up. i thought the jedi beat rev-meister in a fight but no. accident
"such visions are often a sign of force sensitivity" COOL YAY GIVE ME A LIGHTSABER
BASTILLE LOST HER FUCKING LIGHTSABER??
CARTH IS RIGHT THATS LIKE DAY ONE JEDI SHIT. ok i still love her even tho shes a bit of a bitch and also doesnt have a saber
if we find a lightsaber im taking it first tho
whys carth getting weird abt me being weird that he doesnt trust me. i just wanna be friends mate
SESH IV: A NEW HOPE
'i mean no disrespect, but perhaps one of the male slaves could serve you better' i went in here to start a slave revolution and instead got called a lesbo
LMAO THERES A SPICE LAB???? WALTER WHITE WHERE ARE YOU
thats insaneee they blew up BILLIONS of people to get to one jedi?????? these sith arent fucking around theyre scary
UM THIS IS CRAZY GRAPHICS THE LIGHTING IS CLEARER/DARKER WHEN I COVER THE SUN W THE SHIP EDGE?? 2003 IS THE YEAR OF THE FUTURE
someone just called me padawan i kinda assumed i was in my late 20s do i just have baby vibes
all the jedi in the movies are so chill but every kotor jedi i've met so far has been a bit of a bitch
YO THEY HAVE A YODA!!! its not THE yoda but
cool so these guys are just the regional managers at best. your asses are not the council
why can everyone smell my force juju so strong
THATS STRAIGHT UP YODA'S CLONE WARS VA
why does fake yoda not blink both eyes at the same time. im calling him master tortimer he reminds me of the animal crossing mayor
bastila there was no need for such a fancy bow
malak is like evil aang
revan is so much shorter than malak omg
are me and bastila sharing dreams. are we both obsessed w revan
poor mission ):
WHAT WAS MASTER TORTIMER ABT TO SAY????????? EVER SINCE WHEN??? DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE MY AMNESIACS????? DID BASTILA TELL U SMTHN MORE WHEN I WASNT IN THE ROOM???
im intrigued i like this whole hidden jedi shtick its very compelling. so is whatever theyre hiding from me
kinda surprising no jedi found me before tho given my force juju is so strong
IM A LEGIT JEDI NOW??? SICK!!!
does revan rlly not have pronouns i thought that was a tumblr thing but they straight up are a nonbinary icon ive never heard a single pronoun used. revan's pronouns are revan/revan's
damn revan seems so cool in these stories (charismatic war hero that convinced their troops to join them as conqueror?? julius caesar) and yet all we've seen them do onscreen is get blown up and die by accident
A YEAR AGO? the way they were talking i assumed revan died like. a week before the game started
master uh i forgot his name he has martin scorcese vibes said revan was a paragon of the jedi so what im getting is that all jedi gifted kids turn evil
even if i didnt know revan as a tumblr darling id KNOW revan has to be alive somewhere they way everyone talks abt them is too cool for a character who exploded and died. i think. i hope. I PAID £1.19 TO MEET REVAN
'only you and bastila can stop malak' seriously????? just us two?? ive been a jedi for like, 6 minutes and you guys keep calling bastila young???? do you guys not wanna help??
omg im getting carth to traumadump! <3
HE WAS ON REVAN'S ARMY>??
i totally knew the jedi code and did not have to google it whatsoever
they rlly said fuck going to illum heres a crystal from the bin
he told me id be a great sentinel and i was like i know but i want blue cause i dont wanna be matchies with bastila
OGH!!! I HAVE A LIGHTSABER!!!! THIS IS GAME OF THE YEAR!!!!
omg i made my lightsaber perfectlyyy which is rare <3 getting a good grade in jedi
maybe i was a travelling lightsaber salesman before my amnesia
seriously though WHO was i everyone's kinda stopped acting like i have amnesia since the first mission BUT IVE PLAYED DRAGON AGE THAT GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES TO RP UR PAST. THIS DOESNT. EITHER THIS GAME IS BAD (but i love it so its not) OR I HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA
also everyone keeps being like "Oh ur force juju is so strong" AND NOBODY FOUND ME TIL NOW??? suspicious. did getting a really bad concussion activate the force in me
im too confused and amnesiac'd to think abt anything except the fact i have a glowing stick now
FSESH FIVE:
big fan of using aliens to avoid having to get VAs to read every line
oh so carth's boyfriend saul betrayed him and became leader of the sith fleet so he has trust issues
well he needs to calm down. i can't betray him cause i dont know what the fuck is happening
yooo i love the design differences on the mandalorians
oh my god this lady wanted to fuck her droid cause it was her husband's. and then it killed itself. wtf. game of the year tho
wtf they jebaited this juhani person into going dark side but then i talked her out of it. that seems a bit mean of them
i hope she can join my party she looks too unique to be a random npc
ive been thinking and I might be going crazy but there was a loading screen tip ages ago that said jedis could wipe ppl's mind and all i thought at the time was 'fuck the shitshow acolyte didnt make that up'. but what if one of them wiped MY memory and i used to be a jedi or smthn ????????
cause they keep being like ur weirdly good at this??? did bastila steal my memories??????????
I KNOW I HAVE AMNESIA!! EVEN IF EVERYONE DOESN'T BRING IT UP BC THEYRE PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE MY FEELINGS
if i dont have amnesia and im just deeping the fact the opening had my life being mansplained then im gonna look real stupid
anyway time 2 go to the fuckshit ruins cave where r-dog and malak went to
"it must be referring to revan. the dark lord and malak--" revan's pronouns are revan/thedarklord
bastila said theres no mention of the Builders in the archives. does she just know every text off by heart
THIS DROID IS 20K YEARS OLD ???
omg i can equip 2 lightsabers at once. game of the year
OK I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE AMNESIA BASTILA IS ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BACKGROUND THAT I CAN ANSWER. I REPEAT I DO NOT HAVE AMNESIA
ok i didnt get choices and i didnt really uh… say anything that i didnt already get told im still not ruling out amnesia
also booo i didnt get to find out how old i was
master tortimer rlly looks like the ultimate ketamine yoda
LMAO THERE WAS A DIALOGUE OPTION 2 CALL JUHANI A CATGIRL
omg kashyyk from jedi fallen order!!!
I CAN UPGRADE MY LIGHTSABER THIS IS JUST LIKE JFO
omg this ship is fun i wish everyone had personalised bunk spaces like hfw… a game which came out 19 years after this i should probably just take what we have
im gonna start w manaan cause im p sure thats what B-dog said n its the same language the droid was speakin
omg hyperspace from star wars
THE GUY THE BUILDING FELL ON???
am i having dreams abt revan bc bastila killed revan and im connected to her this is so roundabout
maybe i'd sleep better if my ponytail wasnt clipping into the pillow
[kiwi accent] six
carth needs a xanax every time i think we're friends he stops trusting me
also lmao he actually pointed out how wild it was that a day one padawan is being sent on this uber important mission and HES RIGHT IT IS WEIRD!! i thought it was main character logic but he's calling it out
i really really like the sense of unease that's setting in like at first i thought it was just cause im not used to 2003 games but no this is on purpose bc carth my friend carth keeps calling it out
THERE IS A CHILD ON MY SHIP ??????????????????
lmao the representative for menaan is roland wann. its like poetry it rhymes
there are no cameras in the sith hangar <3 rookie error i can commit crimes now
bastila's favourite hobby is getting shot and walking into my grenades
this isnt a combat system this is a missing system
I GOT ARRESTED???? IM JUST A GIRL
nvm i had a datapad that said the sith were evil so theyve let me go free and we're besties
why do i feel like ive just walked into an underwater horror mission
this suit waddles at the speed of a penguin on fentanyl
i tamed the beastie this is like how to train your dragon
MALAK FIRED ON REVAN?????? WERENT THEY BEST FRIENDS???????
but maybe revan escaped when bastila wasnt looking THEYRE FINE THEYRE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. I BELIEVE
so hopefully when we run into revan they'll be like agh i changed my ways cause of the being shot thing and they'll be my bestie
great news i successfully communicated w the ship child and gave her back to dantooine. my girl has shockingly good linguisitics skills
bastila is so dour "oh watch out for the dark side" GIRL I AM. I NEED TO GET THE BEST GRADE IN GAME MORALITY
ok OFF TO KASHYYK i hope cal kestis is there… thru the force i guess… bc he wont be born for another 4000 years but its whatever
omg you'll never guess what. another vision. wow its one of the thangs. cool this is a tomorrow me problem
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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saikis powers are a vital part of him so it makes sense that people who dont know about them cant truly understand his whole self, but its also very silly to me when people act like its the ONLY important part of him... people act like his friends that arent in the know are completely blind to who saiki is, but i feel like that kinda means you missed some major points... he cant keep his powers a secret forever and it DOES matter, but he can still be loved and KNOWN without knowing about them... hes still human, he still has a personality, he still has regular likes and dislikes, etcetc
his friends perspectives on him may have been wrong at first, but they CHANGED... they know him and love him, and theyll KEEP loving him the SAME once they know of his powers...
some people cough cough cough in this fandom like to reduce saiki to JUST his powers and its so obvious that you just. missed everything. you didnt absorb anything from the show, you just saw it and went "ha, everyone thinks hes just a guy when hes actually super cool and powerful" no no no, he IS cool and powerful but look a little closer and at his core he is still LITERALLY JUST A GUY 😭😭😭
hes such a guy.....
#idk this goes back to how i think its weird that people think how he treats toritsuka is 'his true personality coming out'#like ?? hes a dick to him because he deserves it. not because saiki is a dick.#'so sad how his other friends only know him as a boring introvert' hey idk how to tell you this but hes actually still that#he may be more fun and childish and silly than most of his friends know#but above all hes still an introvert who loves sitting in his house and doing nothing#his favorite hobbies besides that are video games and coffee jelly#i fear you may be the one who doesnt understand saiki if you think the two sides of him his different friends see cant coexist#hes still the same guy#even the people who are in the know see a limited side of saiki#i fear akechi is the only person who gets to see all of him#and even that has a limit. i guess i wouldnt say 'all' but both sides#'the mixer scene was just teruhashi showing she doesnt know anything abt him since she thinks he would just sit there' yk what. dont pmo.#that is quite literally just factually what he WOULD HAVE BEEN DOING#even around everyone who knows about his powers#what the fuck else would saiki be doing??? singing and doing standup ?????#no dude. hes fun and likes singing and is funny and likes showing off but not in that way and definitely not in that setting#if u genuinely believe saiki would be the life of the party at a mixer instead of just sitting there making the occasional sarcastic commen#then youve severely misjudged him😭#what version of saiki k did you even watch actually#'the awesome cool nonchalant life of saiki k'#sorry this is really just a rant above all else#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post#meownalysis
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hey i dont go here but jayce's speech about viktor in s2e9 isn't him saying 'u should never have tried to heal yourself, you were perfect the way u were x3' it was him saying that viktor's physical health never made him any less beautiful, never made him any less important, never made him any LESS, period. he wasn't saying viktor didn't need to pursue a cure for his ills like come on his motivation to invent hextech was to help people. to cure disease. viktor's first and foremost among them.
he said what he said because it was the thing viktor craved to hear most in his life, and that is why those were the words that punched through his defences even as the machine herald: jayce loved him wholly and unconditionally, healthy or ill, good or bad, human or inhuman. he would always be loved just the same.
#jayvik#arcane#like i said i dont go here but u cant slander my boy or that moment i wont stand for it#and yes as someone who is chronically ill i would know if it was ableist LOL (yes yes media is subjective but come the fuck on ppl i beg)#viktor's reaction to seeing inside jayce's mind really cinches it#he had fully given up on ever being loved in that way#romantic or platonic or some secret third thing whatever he had written it ALL off#so he is visibly shaken when he realizes that jayce LOVES (capital italicized underlined bold font) him and everything he is and ever was#jayce's love for viktor literally saves the entire world (also ekko W)#anyway if u wanted my onion i would say viktor didn't allow himself to consciously love jayce in return until that moment#like his need to have jayce be near him and work with him and approve of his actions even AFTER he loses his humanity is very telling#but i do think a lot of that was sort of his subconscious acting out deeply repressed desires#then when jayce confesses he finally understands (it was always about them)#anyway idk when we'll see another relationship like this in media again!!! holy shit!!!!!!!!!!
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i love when ppl draw bumblebee like the happy little creachure he is but also i love when people draw bumblebee like he's had 500 beers in the last 1 hour and still the pain won't even ebb
#bonus when they do both by making him just utterly psychotic but he smiles so no one notices#i am a shameful idw bee enjoyer but like in the tired af ppl pleasing libra girl who needs a therapist so fking bad but#has 700000 billion duties and 900000000 billion expectations and mean bitches in his ear telling him hes stupid#sense#and not the he feels like an officer sense like no my queen is just a teachers pet doing her best which is her worst im afraid#anyways i love bee hes very indignant and a bitch but also im gonna stand beside her sorry#u do not understand how powerful it was to give him a cane . a literal crutch to hold onto to feel stronger even when ratchet says he doesnt#have to anymore but yet bee still insists bcs he doesnt have time for the repairs itll take when others cannot survive#and 2 it comforts him with support and also power and so he cradles it close with the idea of him being weak & needing smthing else#to make him strong#even tho at this point it's rlly just for comfort but he cant afford to allow himself to have comfort when others cant#or dont need it in his heroism ideals (specifically optimus being seen as so much stronger than him)#optimus also had bee tho. had him. but bee is so self conscious he just sees all his failures surrounding optimus & views himself not a#crutch to lean on but a crutch to optimus' character#he rlly needed rodimus and his fiery upbeat persona so they could fake it till they made it together and he left & fucking exploded#(in bees eyes)#like idk im just obsessed with this little tryhard loser#he islike a sad little clingy mother who refuses to think herself as human. she is just mother. lives off evrryones accomplishments#never her own#idk like hes so interesting tonme i want to kill him teehee#chew on him like sponge cak#bumblebee#transformers#tf bumblebee#tf idw#idw#tf#????#maccadam#i hate not knowing waht tag to use
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shipping yhk not in a romantic or platonic way but a secret third way (⬛️⬛️)
#domo rambles#its like. u cant put a label on whatever the fuck is going on between those 3 they make me a little insane#their dynamic is just so insane in the context of the story. but i also need them in a low-stakes high school au#something very cyclical about them. you meet someone and you cant help but love them so much that youd do anything to save them#so you doom the universe and kickstart all the events that brought so much misery and suffering to others just to keep that 1 person alive#bc thats how important they are to you. you pour your soul into writing this story even as you slowly disappear#in the hopes they stay alive. bc they have to survive and you will ensure that#and to do that you create someone who will try again and again to survive at all costs. someone who doesnt givr up#and so the character is born. and you have little recollection of your life before adulthood#but one thing youre sure about is that you will see the end of the scenarios#and then you meet someone who somehow understands what you went thru in a way youve never experienced before#and they shine so brightly likr a star in the night sky you cant help but love them#and so you chase them across worldlines to keep them alive. bc they have to survive. you almost feel like thats your purpose#that you were created for the sole purpose of loving this person and ensuring their survival#and youd doom yourself to keep repeating this life just for the chance to meet that person once more#and then at the center of all this. you see the universe someone created for you and you cant help but love it with your entire being#this was what kept you alive all these years and what kept you from giving up. you dont deserve this salvation#you are rhe reason for the pain and suffering of so many including the one thats kept you alive all these years#you are the reason someone doomed the universe and created something by chipping away at themselves for years#and so to atone for this you would doom yourself to an eternity of loneliness in order to sustain this universe someone created for you#i created this universe for your survival. i was created so you would survive. this universe will survive and i'll doom myself to ensure it#sorry i ended up writing an essay. can you tell im insane about them#orv#orv spoilers#yoohankim#if you read all this im kissing u on the mouth
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..
#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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annoying conversations happening on twitter this week about dazai and his canonical whoreness .... very ableist delivery of people treating him like a tiny 22 yr old minor who clearly doesn't know what sex is and its getting weeeeeiirrrrd ...........
#like idk and idc about other peoples perceptions but to me dazai fucks#its in the source material regarding the fact that hes a DOG and nobody understands how he manages to charm women#women send him love notes to the office bcs he doesnt give out his address......uses sex as a tool and people can infer what they want#but i dont have it has having any nefarious meaning other than he knows himself well and how to get what he wants#and (in MY mind) enjoys it :p#he says he appreciates ALLLL women#women being official the source content but to me he's a man with no preference :p#what i find ableist is the notion that someone with clear though unstated mental illnesses must be “protected” and “he doesnt know what#sex is" like come on. we read the same stuff#youre saying it because you think it gets in the way of ur fav ships that he whores around#well guess what!!!!! he does!!!!!#so what!!!!!! live with it!!!!!! everyone else has to!!!!!#women cry in the source content and i infer that to be bcs he just straight up ghosts them after#maybe he sees a couple of people a few times but for the most part#he dips </3#but we dont need to pretend hes innocent and like#sex - afraid#im tirrredddd of these takes they stink and theyre not fun to read#tldr: my dazai fucks (and WANTS TO!!!!!!!! SEEKS IT OUT!!!! ENJOYS IT!!!! SKILLED LOVER THAT U CANT HAVE!!!!)#(unless u get him.....then hes devoted teehee<3)#enuff said i think#ACTUALLY FURTHER POINT. hes a flirt and a whore. PROUD!!!!!!!!!#he gives u the eyes and he'll have u wrapped around his fingerrrr anyway. thats it now
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man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
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chrome was like "aw.... ublock origin doesnt work anymore.... aint that so sad..."
im stubborn but i saw the utterly unusable vanilla internet for all of 1 minute before i moved all my bookmarks to firefox and resumed there. go fuck yourself ♥
#jennilargh#im so fucking mad theyre really going down this road haha i am not looking forward to learning new things suddenly#like i noticed i cant chromecast for obvious reasons and to get that working seems to be a whole process i dont understand yet#but liike haha im not gonna watch 2 ads every 3 minutes on youtube hahahahahahaha no <3#love my content creators but youtube is just gonna have to deal bc the way their ads run now is COMPLETELY over the line#my mind cannot be changed. 2 ads every 3 minutes on a 40 min long video on top of sponsored segments..#loud ass ads interrupting calming sleepytime videos... cant watch passively bc you have to be READY to hit the skip buttons..#dont even get me started if u just want to have a video on in the background while you are not physically able to hit skip#lord help you if you get an ad thats several minutes long and your hands are covered in dough or something#or even if youre just enjoying a more information-heavy video and an ad interrupts mid sentence and youre like “wait im lost now”#thats not even touching the malicious ads from every other website on this hell of an internet#we live in the stupid timeline
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Oh my adhd having students, I mean this in the most "I'm trying to help u pass this class" way possible: what the fuck am I supposed to do with you? And I mean that as an earnest question. If u have advice pls let me know.
#bc the thing is. u have to be in attendance to get credit for labs and u have to turn in assignments to get credit#and i dont kno how to make those things happen for you. so like???#and u can have flexible attendance but u dont get credit if u arent there and we cant do makeups for all the labs#bc that infringes on our lab manager's time in a way that doesn't work#and u can have flexible deadlines but like if u dont turn things in there's no credit to be given. so again???#i dont know how to help and i dont kno how much of this is im a dumb 18yo who is used to arrangements being made for me. bc i get that#from students who dont have learning disabilities vs how much is a genuine inability to keep things on task#and like how much am i expected to give? im just a graduate TA. i cant hold ur hand thru everything. im not paid to do that#but i want to help however i can. so like??? i dont kno what to do and i understand the frustration#as someone with a learning disability that isnt really helped by the accommodations i have access to#but is it a case of: u need to try harder or even trying ur hardest it's nnot possible. i dont kno. i cant kno#and what the fuck am i supposed to do if its the latter? it just sucks#unrelated
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maybe its just me but i cant stand when people are like "it just doesn't sit right with me how teruhashi thought about aiura 🥺" like yes... its not supposed to ??? because her thinking badly of other girls and prioritizing male validation over everything is one of her main flaws ??? can we talk about that WITHOUT making it seem like shes not allowed to have a single actual flaw without suddenly becoming an awful person? nobody can handle complex female characters at all and its so fucking annoying
#you guys all missed the point of her development AND her and saiki's relationship development#like did you miss the parts where the only times he genuinely seems to not like something she does is when shes mean to other girls#and he still understands that she isnt a bad person for having bad thoughts in the private comfort of her mind#and besides... in this case she was literally just being a dramatic and insecure teenage girl LMAO#like dont fucking lie to me and tell me when you were her age you didnt have similar thoughts#youre worse than her if you lie about it while judging her for it#sorryyyy#she shouldve been MORE unhinged youre all just cowards#AND ALSO ? how can something even be 'mean' if its just a thought#thats like if u opened ur friends private diary without permission and then unfriended them over something they said in a random upset vent#and in this specific situation if u found out ur friend called someone a bitch because they liked the same person as her ??#LIKE THATS ?? its bad but its not as crazy as you guys make it out to be#shes allowed to be angry and insecure in the privacy of HER OWN MIND#idk if this makes sense but i just feel that her thoughts are more of a concern about her wellbeing than anything else#like she canonically is extremely kind to others even when she doesnt want to be so why are we worried about how she treats others.#theyre fine. im worried about HER.#and WHY her mindset is so negative... but u guys dont give a shit because u cant handle even a spec of complexity#sorry ive said all this before i just like to rant#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#teruhashi kokomi#meows post
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if i see one more person characterize dally as someone unable to love im actually going to go batshit insane
#LEARN HIS CHARACTER PLEASE.#unstable relationships and not being able to love are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS#and even then#i still think its possible for him to have a stable relationship#its just more 'rare'#and takes more work and whatnot#what about his character do you guys gen not understand#tough does not equal being a bitch to everyone#HE CAN BE SOFT SOMETIMES.#HE DOESNT HAVE TO BE TOUGH ALL. THE. TIME.#did you guys like#forget those times during the book where he let that facade drop orrrr???#cause i thought it was pretty obvious#i have a lot to say about the hcs ive seen on dally but yk. ill keep opinions to myself#i dont openly hate on hcs unless i see ts#dni people who say dally cant love fuck u guys🩷#dallas winston#dally winston#dolirants
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the thing that gets me abt religious ppl is they'll demand u respect their religion & that religion hating your existence but they won't respect ur right to be like yea my belief says god isn't real so thats a dumb reason for hating other people or ye ok then ur god is homophobic thats kinda shitty they go APESHIT like. it goes both ways? like they can say i hate gay ppl bc of my religion but when a gay person says well i dont respect that religion bc it doesnt respect me its ww3. I'm not walking on eggshells for people who are too quick to condemn me to hell
#likeeee. ppl have been homophobic to me bc 'their religion condemns it' but i cant be like ok well then fuck ur religion?#but they can say okay fuck you and be hateful and intolerant like that?#why do i tolerate u if u wont tolerate me? im just#like to me as an atheist/agnostic im like. hearing that something i dont even think is real is why u hate me as a person is so insane#like 'its unnatural and wrong bc my religion says so' like ok. why does that have to affect me as someone who doesnt follow said religion#jusr wish more religious ppl were as understanding and non judgemental as they claim they are??#like ur gna say that shit to me? u think god likes that ur speaking for him rn? u rly see urself on the same level as god?#u think YOU can judge others? embarrassing#*smacks own ass* this baby can fit so much religious trauma#i love religion sm for some ppl but then other aspects of it im like why cant yall just modify this as society progresses#them books old as hell them writers didn't even know electricity but ur talking their word abt an entire group of ppl being wrong & evil?#i like when religious ppl apply the teachings to modern society & take into account how shit has changed#when ppl take the good parts of religion and focus on them and bring that religious warmth w them where they go is so nice#(my friends<333)#like they live by them teachings and are good ppl but dc abt divorce or abortion or gays bc society has changed & ppl ultimately deserve#control of their own bodies and shouldnt have to be trapped in bad partnerships#& girls who love other women and dont agree w the typical 'woman serve men' that a lot of religious old folk got goin on#if u can modify some stuff in the religious books whats stopping u extending that grace to literal people just being who they are
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I believe Kamala- despite every word she has ever spoken on the matters- is actually deeply pro-Palestine, pro-trans & overall a progressive hero, because I understand that when democrats say repugnant reactionary things while campaigning they are actually lying! which is good & normal for so-called democratic elections!!!!! if you listen to the gnomes who live inside my walls you'll understand her real values, which she'll totally pinky promise act upon once you reward her lies & elect her! you dumb third party voters would understand this if u payed attention in civics class 💅💅💅
#do you votescold blue no matter whos even hear yourselves#like i say this from the glass house of mental illness i too live in but yall are fucking clinically deranged#'u see the good guys will lie to us to seem like bad guys until the season 4 finale when plot twist reveals thay r good!' LUNACY!!!#santa clause is more real than a promise out of the mouth of a democrat i am BEGGING liberals to understand (and give a shit about) this#sorry i guess unlike the 'injustice sensitivity' many american neurospicies love using as a shield for when they do racist things i just#have boring I Dont Like Being Lied To autism which uh is preventing me from (well a lot!) getting on the imperialism train that many#of you are twisting yourselves into pretzels of cognitive dissonance & ahistorical nonsense in order to cope with!#vote if you want idgaf but stop posting electoral cope!!! stop seeking absolution for the crimes youre cosigning!! you cant have it all!!!!#i'll see you in another 4 years when nothing has been done about climate catastrophe or genocide or lgbtq rights or reproductive rights#bc if- and its still a huge if- kamala wins i know for FACT the usual suspects are already cooking up excuses as to why she cant follow thr#through on any of the crumbs of progressive policy she claims to stand by. its already the senates or SC fault right 🙄#ugh anyway now im just going down the 'every easily identifiable lie of the dems that I'M somehow the bad guy for noticing' rabbit hole#and that leads to nowhere but madness and an afternoon wasted 😤
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