#and then i had to reassess wtf is going on with me

[bell-swamp-fitzjames]

trying to remind myself that its ok if i dont accomplish anything major for the rest of the day (aka tackling my big april task list bc im off work today) bc like... its been a big day. errands, chores, and i went in for a formality interview at my current job since ive been promoted.

[tobiasdrake]

Now that we have our new party member, it's time for another story time with Teaks.

This is the big one.

Okay what the fuck is this and why did my Captain's Quarters get wasted on it.

I would have been more than happy to let Hortence have the Captain's Quarters since she's been here the longest and has the most claim to this ship, crime notwithstanding.

I could deal with the fictional Captain Cliche having the Captain's Quarters despite Serai not even bothering to use that guise while she's here, thus resulting in an empty bedchamber.

But why does the new blood get it? I don't care if you're basically God, you fucking work your way up the ladder like the rest of us! >_< I'm so furious right now.

And yet you gave him the Captain's Quarters.

I mean. Okay, in fairness, Teaks did that. I don't know why she has the authority to do that, though.

No. I want to throttle you with my bare hands.

However, much like Garl, it is impossible for me to physically be angry with you for any length of time. So I just have all of this aggression and nowhere to put it. I just... I JUST FUCKING....

._. Will you please make me a sandwich I can drown my fury in, thank you very much.

Yes, the usual.

*sigh* Okay, Teaks. Now I want to hear a story. It's finally time to find out exactly who the Archivist/TIA and the Fleshmancer are.

Huh. I figured TIA was some kind of ungodly horror beneath those robes, but apparently he's just zombie-faced. Mm, I feel bad about telling him to go take a shower now. It would not help.

You guys should sit down and chat with Roro. She owns it. Has a whole undead style of her own.

Hold up, he's jealous of our ephemerality? He hates us 'cause we die? That's it? It's not, like, he hates us 'cause we're pretty or he longs to taste good food and not have to dress in rags or something? He's just pissy because he wants to be able to die too?

My dude, you don't have to unleash apocalyptic horrors upon mankind in order to fulfill that desire. If all you want is to be ephemeral, come hang out with me and Zale and we'll work on that. I'd be more than happy to experiment.

Ohhh, I get it. He doesn't have a heart anymore 'cause he used it for his experiments.

He's Disney evil.

You know, I thought you were going to tell me that Resh'an was responsible for Solstice magic but apparently it's just. Like. A thing that happened to also exist, and that trumps the Fleshmancer's stuff... because?

I may have to reassess my comprehension of the Fleshmancer and TIA. The Archivist's opening explanation of the lore made me think these guys were, like... primeval forces of good and evil or something, wreaking vast influence across some enormous multiverse.

Like. I figured they had terrestrial origins in some world somewhere. They had the vibe of ancient wizards who came from meager origins and ascended into godhood. In that regard, I suppose I had them pegged right.

But that seemed like a "Long time ago in a universe far, far away" type of origin, where they've been these ancient supreme beings of good and evil ever since. But Teaks is making this sound a lot more local.

They're just two more guys who accidentallied themselves into a horrifying curse. TIA has nothing to do with the source of Solstice magic. He doesn't even know what it is, really; Just that whatever we are, it sure does kick the shit out of whatever Aephorul's become.

He didn't create us; He found us and went "HOLY FUCK That's powerful! Let's use it!"

I've been shittalking him out of irreverence but. Like. Now, I think that we might be higher on the Hierarchy of WTF than TIA and the Fleshmancer are. Even if TIA is still, admittedly, higher on the Hierarchy of Knowing What The Fuck You're On About.

So if he founded the Solstice Warriors, does that mean TIA is the Great Eagle? Is he the guy I need to beat the shit out of for the unsettling horror of Mooncradle?

Because I can't do it until he tells us how to get onto Mesa Island. But I do want my Captain's Quarters back....

Or a longer window of Whenever We Goddamn Want if you have this fancy amulet. Which was just sitting abandoned in an ice block for how many decades/centuries?

Hey Resh'an? I don't want to tell you how to be the Immortal Alchemist but if you were that concerned with Solstice Warriors defeating Dwellers and you knew where this thing was all along, uh... what the hell, man?

When exactly did we lose track of this thing? Because absolutely none of the ancient Solstice lore I learned from Moraine suggests that it even exists somewhere to be found. We've been using these fancy time runes for day/night manipulation on a small scale while biding our time to strike at Dwellers on eclipse nights. Meanwhile our founder has had coordinates for Pocket Eclipse in his back pocket this whole time. I'm kind of angry about that.

Yeah, that's part of what had me thinking this was some kind of multiversal conflict. Obviously World Eaters must have, like... eaten some worlds in order to be a known thing, right? I assume we know about them from Resh'an; If he was our founder then our lore would be passed down from him. Though he didn't see fit to tell us about Pocket Eclipse so who knows?

Or maybe he did, and Moraine just didn't bother to tell me because I was kind of a shitty student.

Or maybe Moraine did tell me and I just wasn't paying attention. I was kind of a shitty student.

Hm.

In any case, to be known as World Eaters, one imagines they've eaten some worlds. And that this isn't one that they've eaten yet. So these guys can't be a purely terrestrial phenomenon, right?

Oh, so it's both. They are a terrestrial phenomenon but Resh'an created a multiverse through a grandiose gesture of magic.

That's...

That's kind of promising? Like. Metaphysically, that could mean that if circumstances conspire in such a way that we kill Aephorul in any one timeline or reality, fucker will be dead in all timelines and realities because there's only one of him.

This isn't an independent multiverse that Aephorul's invading and attacking. It's a multiverse of attempts to resist Aephorul. We only have to win once. Statistics are on our side.

Even if there's only 1 in 1000 chance of someone defeating Aephorul, if you roll 10,000 dice....

That's why he let us into his library even though we are clearly not the Chosen Ones. It's what he was trying to figure out at the start. We're a dice toss. ^_^

But that's also why he's being so KEEP ME OUT OF IT with regard to Aephorul. Because the same logic applies to him. Aephorul only has to kill him once. In a cosmic sense, we're all expendable compared to him, because there's millions of other versions of us. He can always go back to the drawing board and try something else. Maybe a different version of us, or maybe someone else who might actually be the Chosen Ones. But if anything happens to him, that's game over.

This makes way more sense when Teaks explains it than when TIA tried to. Probably because she's giving me the full story while he's a cryptic bastard. Resh'an is stuck navigating causality to try and find a chain of events that will lead to success against the impossible.

If the dude's so pissy about not being ephemeral, you'd think the sameyness of those realities might bother him a little. Wouldn't you eventually get bored conquering the same world over and over and over again?

These two are playing very different video games.

And that's what Resh'an was on about when he was like, "You don't understand; If Aephorul finds out that I'm here, he'll return."

It's not because he's hiding out from Aephorul. It's because he's violating the terms of the agreement. Resh'an is cheating right now, in a way that would give Aephorul tacit permission to do the same if caught.

Teaks, from now on, can we make this a rule? Can people tell you the lore dumps and then you can explain them to me? You're so good at this.

So now I'm starting to get more of an understanding of what Guardian Gods are too. Like, we knew it was the evolution of Solstice Warriors into some kind of deity. But, specifically, it's our counterpart to World Eaters; Guardian Gods because the pair become a force of Solstice magic that Aephorul can't pierce, on account of our magic being higher on the Hierarchy of WTF.

Uh, probably when he wins, I would say. No sense in doing it while Aephorul's still out there, right?

I adore you, Teaks, but sometimes you ask dumb questions.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

“It’s like the people have spoken and this is what America looks like,” said Smith, the Los Angeles-based founder of the advocacy social media agency, Get Social. “And there’s not too much more fighting that you’re going to be able to do without losing your own sanity.” [*screaming* WTF? YOU ARE AMERICA!]

This is it, huh? We're gonna roll all our identities into Harris's candidacy like a fucked-up burrito and consider ourselves rejected? Oh well, we lost. Good game. Sit down. You probably won't get imprisoned or killed by the new administration, but if you do - eh. What're you gonna do, am I right? What else IS there to do? *silence, the sound of several hundred million human imaginations rotting away in a vacuum*

And I agree with some of the sentiments expressed in this article. Of fucking COURSE you shouldn't martyr yourself if your country invites you to do so. Stay safe, stay alive, but what's the point of being alive if you're gonna roll over and let your country KILL you? It's trying! It's BEEN trying! It's not gonna stop!

The AP just levelled the playing field and made all methods and motivations for stepping back equal, including voting for Trump because you think he'll lower your grocery bills. The point is, Black women aren't going to be doing activism anymore, and if you happen to be a Black woman reading this article, you might consider performing your identity by joining them. Or, you know, if you were equally invested in Harris winning, or Trump losing. Same thing! Humans are pack animals, after all, we don't like to be out there all by ourselves. That's scary.

Fuck the pink hats. Nobody followed up on the pink hats with meaningful action; we just watched in horror as multiple systems failed over four years, then elected the only other option hoping he'd fix things, and watched again, in compounding horror and disbelief, as nothing got fixed for real and many things got MUCH WORSE.

We are parsing voting as prayer, aren't we? God, wearing the guise of the majority vote, said no. Whatever you imagined Harris was gonna do for you, nobody wants any of it. Don't you feel foolish? Ignore everything else about how every election and this one in particular have been utterly fucked. This process is still, somehow, legitimate enough to deserve authority over you. Hey, they asked who you wanted to continue the genocide and all associated abuses with new dictator-level immunity, and "you" ["America"] picked the bad guy. You could've had someone who told you to shut up about the genocide nicely, while smiling and saying she doesn't like it either. But that wasn't good enough!

There are ways of resisting other than spending all your energy supporting a candidate from a fake opposition party. I can't be out here issuing marching orders because you need to listen to your own community - and nobody fucking listens to me anyway. (I'm small and sick. Staying alive meant fleeing, and losing some of what little ability I had to stand up and be counted.)

Grieve, go ahead and grieve, get it out of the way, but this is not a dead human being who will never come back. This is a broken system that insists we must be willing to die to perpetuate it. Don't do that. You can't help fix anything if you're dead. Don't roll over and play dead for the next four years either! And then don't spring back to life solely for the purpose of perpetuating the system some more - don't you see what that gets you?

[skincareroutine]

it bothers me how many of yall have not had to question or reassess how much of ur world view is skewed by ur own imperialist government wtf do u honest to god think racism is built entirely on the color of peoples skin and not a tool of control for colonial power.

okay there was a post thats supposed to go under this but im gonna stop screenshooting ppls posts on this site bc ill blow my brains out if i do

[fangtastic-vampyra]

Reaaally hate how it seems I have to be "watched" by people from the system the whole rest of my life.

It's MKULTRA MILBAS targeted individual stuff. You know the people that they go after?

Those that would stick their neck out for somebody else.

You know. Yes. So. I have to do a Stinkin' re-assessment sometime next week, ish, Im like "Im in for a life sentence. Schizophrenia gets worse when you get older. Very few people "get better" [or whatever they think] whatever that means, not understanding why I keep having to do a reassessment." I mean, I really hate Drs, of all kinds, I can take care of my Fecking self, and I want them to Bugger off in general. It was creepy asf. What is so hard to understand, stop thinking shit in my head, voices, v2k, and then, making me feel like shit with uh military, weapons? thennn tormenting me in my sleep. LIEK IF I FELT BETTER, I WOULD BE BETTER. a poisoned, drug, prescription or otherwise, filled body, with emo. pain, and trauma, and not enough healthy meals, and shit, prolly aint going to be around very long. plus parasites and what have you. I CAN BE A SCREET DR. JKKK. Just a herbal supplement recommender. :] {been studying those since I was 16, got a lot of time behind me on that particular interest, yah, thats why got me all into trouble, rebelling against norms, well if Punch Line really is my ..mm.. hear voices saying dont go out with her buut...what could i get out of it? it will probably, if i dont try, end up like harley and me, im fubar.. F.U.B.A.R.} And that? Was Mr and Mrs Smith.

And she mentions the Govt program medicaid enforces it every 6 months. I'm like nooooo. Even though I know it's fake, and thats fake, I have too much rage, to not be on meds, but I don't think they're quite ready to let me only be on one anti-"psychotic" umm Vraylar and Seroquel, are my two, and we lol we -- are doing great.

Yes Im a plural, also. DID... MPD.

Anyway-- I think I "actually am" schizophrenic.. Not just a Fake illness.. But Idk maybe it's just damage from previous incarnations. Some lady read my palms and said I was reincarnated. Neat.

Meanwhile, I've gotten into some sick sort of reminescensing/revenge thing. Prolly the first male "plague rat" -- Waheyyy. Emilie Autumn fan. They want them young, to study, and observe, if ya know what Im saying. AND. They dont like to let folks go. Once they have ya. Since these bastards, think they are some type of Woman Inspector. I dont want Pig Ass Hybrids for my kids anyway, fuck off. I am no longer young, and a Cantankerous ass bitch, and One day, THOSE Fuckers, are going to compensate me, for all my TBC, and everything else. TBC/Thought Broad Casting.

WTF..!! THEY CRASHED MY BROWSER, I HAD TYPED LIKE FIVE MORE PARA. Yes. they got access to my puter. UGH!!

WELL HOW ABOUT THAT.. AND....GAWDDAMN.

Note to self/other authors, authoresses: WRITE IN WORDPAD.

Or something similiar.. There use to be one that had a black background. White makes me feel like I got a lined loose leaf paper with no.2 in a uncomfy plastic chair. YES. UNCREATIVE. Like. In a fecking institution.

Uhm what had I said... Mum also said people get sacrificed to the devil a bunch more than most think. She's kinda uh weird. yes. Used to be into goth, and horror, and metal, when she was Younger, and witch craft, lord knows umm, now shes just, Blonde hair, blue eyes. And everything else, normal, she wants to be Barbie. IDEK, this Family wsa NOT ready. She was just another Handler, my dumb ass thought fighting, was the answer. I want to SUE the pants off MKULTRA ( and associations/etc, off them.) If you know what I mean. Abuse. Trauma. Mum says it happens to boys just as much. OHHH WELL. IDK about that. Shes just another brainwashed handler. Tho.. pretty insightful if you can actually get her to say anything. Lol we're munsters, I got out the sun synchronization, or something ugh.

Im just nursing a wound. Not caring about anything else, but trying to stop the pain. I dont uh see any point in living this way? My head is aching like someones been smashing rocks against my skull for the past hour. "Okay ill stop" Like they harass and make fun of me as AFAB UNDESIRABLE. Fat and whatever, though they did it um. And call me a he/she, they did that to. And I just uh, want to punch something in the face that something is God, Idk, until it stops moving. yes. then i can be god. >.> IDK, like whyyyy me.

Why all of this. WHYYYY.

He says we are all equal, he says his thoughts are higher than our thoughts, he says the enemies are not flesh and blood, but spirits. Yes. SAYS humans are more close to him than angels, says this and that, that we have power as humans over the animals, and the demons. idk. somethings not adding up. i think he's a f*cking rapist. celebrating the black majick curses he places onto children. a pervert, a predator. yes. i try. to calculate what is going on here, i hadnt known what i know now, i rebuke the thoughts i had as a child, the gnashing of teeth, in hell, and that, i dont want to end up there. AND? I think he's a bully. There's always been a man.. sigh.. tiresome.. voice over my shoulder harassing me.

WHAT I WANT: To be the Court leader of the Neutral guise. Or herd or pack or whatever. *LOL.*

What should my name be? Circe.

brendan used the word "blessed" in association with the amount of food we have. Im used to high quality meals, this is like, yuck, sort of. I wish I could remember shit, I want to give up. There are no plans, Im jsut saying "i want to" im tired of hurting, im tired of suffering, tired of aloneness, tired of rejection, maybe showing vulnerability will help? Why are men attacking me? Idk, i think they are scared of me.. Tbh. I will get my one desire, to be my true self. And theres nothing they can do about it." If " they try to mess it up, I have my ways.

{Wow, have the inkling of intimacy / u might be a d00d, on ur page, I MEAN, AMAB, and got scammers messaging me "hot photos" and shit lololol. Im too lazy to remove. if they're not a native English speaker, some of the messages are pretty funny...}

[doubleddenden]

After my last post from 2019 started blowing up again, I think it's time to reassess the timeline in 2021 so far as of late September to see wtf is going on

Ahem

Nintendo is teaming up with the guys behind Despicable Me to make a Mario movie, and not only are casting Charles Matinet as every other character than the ones he voices, but casted Chris Pratt as Mario, Charlie Day as Luigi, Seth Rogan as Donkey Kong, and Jack Black as Bowser, and everyone hated it (with exception to Jack)

Sonic has another movie on the way after a decent success on the first one, Idris Elba is Knuckles, and everyone loves it

In pokemon, we have not just one Sinnoh Remake, but a remake and a prequel in the works. Both do not look how fans intended

Digimon had a live script reading for Tamers wherein they had to fight political correctness and cancel culture. The director of this critically aclaimed series apparently fell very deep into conspiracy theories and you can read his descent via his blog

Tobyfox gave us another chapter of Deltarune and it's either a chucklefest of explosions, gay, gamer, and *big shots*, or deeply disturbing on a level only this maniac can provide

There is consideration to release a new cut of TLoTR that lasts a WEEK

Taco bell has a chicken sandwich now. A chicken sandwich taco that is neither sandwich nor taco (but decent)

People are injecting themselves with horse medicine for parasites, and this medicine makes you shit yourself and can leave you impotent. This instead of taking free FDA approved vaccines to help prevent and/or weaken a virus that can kill you and/or make you impotent.

Nikki Minaj refuses the vaccine because her cousin's friend allegedly took it and their balls swelled up, because that couldn't be anything else that's been reported, like an STD

We still have assholes advocating for body autonomy when it comes to vaccines but in the same breath scream demands to take away abortion rights and they see no irony

Why the resistance still? They are afraid of being tracked with microchips and 5g. Yet find no irony in driver's licenses, social security numbers, passports, medical files, dental files, and tax records being available for everyone, let alone Facebook and other social media sites collecting and selling their personal data. They think that each of them are that important that the government would invest millions into tracking them personally when its already incredibly easy to

Batman has a webcomic about all the bats and Robins and such, and it is wholesome as shit

One of the best writers Doctor Who has ever had is coming back to the helm after being replaced for years

There was a literal 3d virtual concert for Pokemon starring Post Malone, who sang about cowboys making him cry and how he was "only in it for the sex" as a majestic Lugia flew by

21 Pilots had a virtual concert of their own in god damn ROBLOX

Speaking of virtual, there was a virtual museum to the Civil Rights Movement added to... *checks notes*... Fortnite.

Kirby is actually going to have a 3d game. Not just 2.5D, like Mario Odyssey 3d.

The first billionaire went to space after underpaying his employees and leaving them with terrible work environments, and bragged about it on live TV in a cowboy hat, and not only did he not break the atmosphere, he unfortunately came back

There's apparently a 3d MLP movie that talks about xenophobia, propaganda, and historical revisionism. Idk I just found out too

Rugrats is back and Stu is a gamer

iCarly is back and Carly and Freddie were propositioned for a threesome

Drake Bell was convicted of child endangerment

Josh Peck is Turner in a Turner and Hooch reboot and is thriving

Flip phones are back in a weird way

We had attempts to violently overthrow our government this year and the organizers are just out playing golf and planning sedition like it's just another Monday

Ted Cruz liked porn on his Twitter account publicly. Again.

Grimes and Musk split up, still no word on his plans for real life cat girls

Star Wars. Is anime now. Which is awesome

Samsung almost had a waifu and the internet did its thing

Scooby Doo and Courage the Cowardly Dog have a crossover

New Avatar stuff in the works. Nickelodeon or Blue people, you ask? The answer is yes

Yeah this may as well be accurate at this point

And it's still September

[ralfstrashcan]

Malec in late 2B

It's been *checks watch* three years and I've finally calmed down enough to try and untangle my feelings about the end of 2B in a coherent way.

1) Alec's decision not to tell Magnus about the Soul Sword. I've worked through my thoughts regarding that in this fic already where I go into Alec's reasoning for it. The tldr of which is that a) Alec consciously made the decision not to tell Magnus instead of running out of time to decide, b) he actually had good reasons for that and made that decision with Magnus's and the Downworld's best interests at heart and c) ultimately his love for Magnus was the very reason he didn't tell him because if he had cared about sparing Magnus's feelings a little less he would have told Magnus about the Soul Sword on condition that Magnus can't tell his people, damn the guilt Magnus will feel when warlocks die because they weren't forewarned.

2) Magnus's reaction to finding out. Magnus flips his shit, basically, lashes out, is deliberately hurtful and doesn't really listen to Alec's reasons for his decision. This is both an understandable and an ic reaction because Magnus is a very emotion-driven character and what he just learned is drastic. Could there have been a more graceful way to handle this revelation? Certainly. But it's nothing I would just expect from any given character. You'd have to be exceptionally level-headed to keep your cool in such a situation and I don't fault Magnus for not being that. His reaction was very human.

Alec gets points deduction for his line “Let's not make this personal” because dude, do you know your boyfriend at all? Have you realized that emotional compartmentalization isn't his strong forte? This line just angers Magnus more. (Alec also gets points deduction, with extreme prejudice, for trying to shush Magnus because what is wrong with you, man. I mean, this might just be a personal hang-up of mine but isn't that gesture patronizing as hell? Anyway.) On the other hand Alec gets some points for not going after Magnus. When I first watched that I thought it was very strange and kinda weird but in hindsight it is obviously the right choice. Magnus needed time and space to deal and Alec realized that trying to go after him and talk it out then was pointless and would have only angered Magnus more.

3) Magnus's reaction to Alec seeking him out because of Max. Admirable. Magnus puts all his (very understandable) anger aside to rush to the Lighwood family's aid. It doesn't matter that he can't help in the end, he is there as emotional support despite the frosty atmosphere between him and Alec. It is the decent thing to do but not everybody would have shown such kindness in his shoes. 10/10.

4) Magnus contemplating if he should take the Seelie Queen's offer aka sappy Malec flashbacks. I'm gonna place half the blame on show writers and half the blame on Magnus himself because, bro, this is not how you make a strategical decision for your people. Not even once is Magnus shown contemplating the repercussions of his decision for the warlocks or Valentine or the future of the Downworld. He only mopes about his boyfriend betraying his trust, basically. And I mean! I understand he's hurting a lot! And I understand people can't just turn off their emotions! But a good leader should be able to put his own emotions aside at least for a short time when an integral decision about his people has to be made, and quickly! And in that regard Magnus, uh, fails, apparently.

Again, I think half the blame lies with the show writers who wanted cute Malec flashbacks and generally fail at portraying inner Downworlder affairs if they don't serve the shadowhunter-centric plot. But I can't just yell “ooc behavior!!” and shrug it off because this isn't exactly ooc behavior for Magnus. Magnus is a very emotion-driven character who fails at separating personal and political matters. That's a theme. I point no further than the whole Camille-thing where he turned a blind eye to her bleeder dens because he felt personally indebted to her, and only stopped her when Raphael's life was at stake. So yeah... 0/10.

Full disclosure, I think there is a different way to read these scenes. Maybe Magnus wasn't just nursing his broken heart and missing the point. Maybe what he was actually contemplating was what he'd been fighting about with Luke before, namely if Alec can even be trusted as a person or if he's too much a shadowhunter to ever deserve their faith and cooperation because he will always treat Downworlders as lesser, because he's as racist as the Clave. In that case it would make sense for him to remember their private 1:1 interactions, to reassess Alec's character as a whole. But it would also mean that the conclusion he reached is that Alec is as corrupt as the rest of the Clave, and that would make them getting back together without ever talking about this... even more messed up than it already is! But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, needless to say that I don't interpret it this way.

5) Magnus breaking up with Alec. To me personally (and to Alec) the breakup makes no sense. Magnus and Alec have different stances on, like, the implications of their relationship (and I'm emotionally wired like Alec is, at least in that regard). What I mean is this: Why does Magnus feel the need to break up with Alec? He's not an idiot, he knows that just because he breaks up with Alec his feelings for Alec will not miraculously evaporate as well. He'll be as emotionally compromised as he was before. And yet he says, “The only thing holding me back from [making difficult decisions to ensure the survival of my people] is you.”

Here's the thing. When Alec decides not to tell Magnus about the Soul Sword he does so in his capacity as the Head of the Institute, taking (almost) no account of his role as Magnus's lover. He is able to do that because he can compartmentalize between these two roles in an extreme way and therefor his relationship status has no influence on his decision. (Sure, not being with Magnus wouldn't have provided extra incentive to tell him, but work with me here. What I mean is that if Alec had rationally decided to tell Magnus about the Soul Sword, he would have made that same decision whether he was with Magnus at that point or not.) What did influence his decision making process were his feelings for Magnus, and these remain unchanged regardless of their relationship status.

Magnus has an entirely different stance. To him being in a relationship implies a certain kind of loyalty that must be maintained at all times. If their roles had been reversed I don't doubt that Magnus would have told Alec about the Soul Sword immediately because of said loyalty, and he would have thought it through for exactly zero seconds beforehand. He expected the same thing from Alec and that's why he feels so betrayed when he realizes that Alec kept it from him. This is why Magnus feels the need to break up with Alec: to disengage from this loyalty that keeps him from making decisions with only the warlocks in mind. Magnus's decision making hinges on their relationship status and the loyalty it demands, not his feelings for Alec.

Alec doesn't understand this. That's why he tells Magnus that he can have both: Alec, and the freedom to make the best choices for the warlocks, to act like the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Alec wouldn't hold it against him if he made the best decisions for his people while they are together because Alec, too, did have Magnus and made decisions as the Head of the Institute. But Magnus works differently. He'd feel like he's betraying Alec if he makes High Warlock of Brooklyn decisions while still being with Alec. And that's why he breaks up with Alec, and that's why it makes sense for Magnus to break up with him.

6) Magnus's behavior afterwards. Oh my god where do I even start.

--- Magnus being a petty bitch? Hell yeah.

--- Magnus hiding behind the Seelie Queen and running after her like he's her lap dog? Hell no. Wtf did I just watch!! Even better, he leaves Raphael behind? And Raphael then tells Izzy that Magnus was his ride and he's effectively trapped at the Institute because the sun is shining brightly outside?? I'm sorry, what. The Downworld just divorced the shadowhunters with a side of “hmm maybe we'll stop caring about the Accords as well in the near future” and Magnus leaves his Raphael behind? This is unacceptable!! I don't even know what to say to that!!

--- This has surely been discussed before but it needs to be said. Magnus implementing an anti-portal ward around New York that incinerates any angel-blooded creature that tries to pass it and not telling Alec about it. They hear about it from Luke instead and since Jace's reaction is immediately telling the shadowhunter extra next to him to stop shadowhunter movement in and out of the city immediately it is heavily implied that some shadowhunters already died thanks to this ward – since there are apparently troop movements in and out of the city that need to be stopped. (Which was to be expected! Sure, they know Valentine won't leave the city before he's got his hands on what he believes to be the mortal mirror locked away at the Institute, but he could surely be regrouping outside the city. Sending patrols into the near vicinity is the sensible thing to do.) Shadowhunter casualties due to the ward are further implied by Jace then leaning heavily on the desk and half-whispering to himself “No more shadowhunters die today.” Which makes sense. The patrols in question would have just vanished with no chance to report back what happened to them so they were probably assumed dead by Valentine's hand.

The point: Wtf Magnus. He must have been aware this could and would happen. The way I see it there are only two possible explanations: Magnus deliberately did not tell the NY Institute shadowhunters a) because he thought word might get around to Valentine or b) out of pettiness. And considering that knowing about the ward doesn't magically un-trap you and only means you will not cross it and therefore remain alive but contained, a) doesn't really make sense. The ward wasn't designed to lure Valentine to his death. It was designed to keep Valentine in the city so the other Downworld factions could hunt him down, and the ward will continue to do so even after Valentine learns of its existence. There s no harm in him knowing about it while there is a lot of harm in the NY shadowhunters not knowing about it because they will just die, for nothing, while trying to find Valentine. Magnus willingly risking that on the off-chance that Valentine walks into the ward at random is not his style at all. This leaves pettiness as motivation and sure, Magnus is petty, but not at the cost of so many casualties. This is so painfully ooc that I just can't!!

7) Their “reconciliation.” As you might have already guessed from those quotation marks: Thanks, I hate it. That adequately sums up my feelings on the matter. Don't get me wrong, the scene itself is lovely, I guess. But, content! They have this huge issue and they just don't talk about it! Magnus never learns of Alec's (legit) reasons for not telling him about the Soul Sword. Alec apologizes for.. what exactly? Doing something he was convinced was the right thing? And they never realize their differences in decision making which is even worse! This whole drama stemmed from the fact that they view the obligations that come with being in a relationship differently where their responsibilities as leaders are concerned. This is bound to become a problem again in the future!! And they just! dont! talk about it! aaaahhhhhhhh!!!! how!!!!!! are you adults or what!!!!!!! *sigh* just... –ꝏ /10

8) Aftermath. Oh right, this will of course not become a problem again in the future because Magnus loses his job. How neat.

Leaving the salt aside though I have to admit that I.. actually think the warlocks weren't entirely in the wrong in sacking Magnus. And before you kill me, hear me out. The first thing to note is that neither Raphael nor Luke get sacked for their decision to side with the Seelie Queen. Why is that? Because vampires and werewolves are fundamentally differently organized than warlocks. Warlocks have an international infrastructure. There's the Council, the Spiral Labyrinth, and stuff. Vampires and werewolves have their local clans and packs, and nothing more. Magnus has superiors. Raphael and Luke do not. After the Seelie Queen makes that deal with Valentine she condemns every Downworlder, except those located in New York, to death. Raziel's wish will kill every Downworlder on earth and only those in the Seelie Realm are safe. And as Magnus says in early 2x19

If Valentine had succeeded then literally all the other warlocks in the world would have died! Yes, the fact that the Seelie Queen threw them all under the bus isn't Magnus's fault, but

it was to be expected. Luke and Raphael both warn Magnus not to trust the Seelie Queen, that she has her own agenda and it's to rule over the Downworld, and that's why both Luke and Raphael were hesitant to accept her deal.

So I think it's pretty understandable why the other warlocks kicked Magnus out on his ass. In their eyes he would have been semi-complicit in their collective demise if Valentine had succeeded, having sided with the one who betrayed the Downworld. It doesn't matter that Magnus's choice means the warlocks at least wouldn't have gone entirely extinct if Valentine had won. It doesn't matter that the Seelie Queen would have made that deal with Valentine whether the other Downworlder factions had sided with her or not. (She had Simon in her Realm who could create new vampires, she probably would have kept Maia for new werewolves, and warlocks can be made by uuhh unethical means. What better Downworld than one that's never known anything but the Seelie Queen's uncontested reign? Yes, she absolutely would have let them all die.) None of that matters to the warlocks. They feel like Magnus betrayed them as a community and that's why they sack him.

Okay, so now we know why it made (in-universe) sense for the warlocks to fire Magnus. Make no mistake though – I don't approve of this reasoning. It's short-sighted and not very practical, and also unfair. Better save some of your species than none, right? Fine, Magnus should have informed the Council and stuff about what was going on so they could make their own deals with the Seelie Queen if they want to.. but then, do we even know if he did or didn't inform them? No. Any further discussion on this point is just poking in the dark so let's move on.

I did say that I think the warlocks weren't entirely in the wrong in dismissing Magnus from his job, though. Let me explain.

a) Magnus's decision to side with the Seelie Queen or remain sided with the Institute would have not made a difference regarding the whole Valentine-thing, right? Things would have played out exactly the same: Warlocks create anti-portal ward, Val makes a deal with the Seelie Queen and gets to Alicante anyway. The survival of the Downworld depended on Clary stabbing Valentine to death before he made the wish, and that remains unchanged no matter Magnus's decision. What Magnus's decision would have influenced (if this goddamn show knew what continuity is, lol) is what came after. Where does siding with the trigger-happy Seelie Queen, who made no secret of gunning for war with the Clave, leave the warlocks? On the Clave's bad side, that's for sure. Especially if things had escalated between the seelies and the shadowhunters (which they do in the books!!). In the show.. things just go back to how they were before the Downworld's little fail-rebellion. Either because the Downworld and the Clave mutually decide to just pretend none of it ever happened (since the Consul was exposed as a Circle Member, which, awkward) or, which I believe is more likely, because 3A focuses on The Owl Mystery and not on foreign policy and this show just sucks when it comes to including anything not strictly-plot-relevant. In any case!! Magnus's decision to side with the Seelie Queen should have had severe repercussions for the warlocks and their standing with the Clave aka dramatically worsened it, and for nothing (since nothing came of the “rebellion” and it's honestly doubtful how many warlocks would have wanted a full-on war with the shadowhunters anyway. They seem pretty good at laying low and doing their own thing). So in the long term siding with the Seelie Queen wasn't / wouldn't have been a strategically good decision (if it wasn’t followed up by a war of independence, which it wasn’t) and a legit reason to get fired.

b) More importantly, in 3x09 Lorenzo says to Magnus, “I took this position because you couldn't handle it. You let your heart dictate your actions and that will be your downfall,” which I always took to mean – since Lorenzo was god knows where when all of 2B happened – that the gossip in the warlock community is strong, and has it that Magnus only sided with the Seelie Queen as revenge for Alec not telling him about the Soul Sword / something relating to their breakup. No matter how this opinion formed in the community... *glances at 4)* they're not wrong? And this is definitely a legit reason to get fired.

So where does this leave us? I don't approve of the Council firing Magnus for the reason they did because it was a dumb reason. When I look at Lorenzo – lazy, self-centered, unwilling to actually do anything when push comes to shove – I don't think Magnus should be fired because he's obviously the much better choice as High Warlock. And I don't even think that siding with the Seelie Queen was, per se, a wrong choice. But the way Magnus made that choice left much to be desired and was a clear lapse in leadership, one where a dismissal would have been justified. And this should have been addressed in a constructive way so he can learn from his mistake.

[sometimesrosy]

is it bad that part of the reason I want bellarke to happen is out of spite to the antis

nope.

join the club.

i mean of course i want bellarke to happen, i love this story and i love THEIR story. And I want to see it come to fruition and resolve in a way that’s satisfying and rounds out the entire story AND their relationship.

but those assholes have harassed us so much, me probably more than most people, but not just me. they have RUINED the show for us, and they never had to do it at all. 

no one has to tell someone the show or ship or character they love sucks and is doomed and is delusional or whatever they think is evil. WTF? i’m trying to enjoy a broadcast sff tv show over here, not right the wrongs of the world. and if i DID want to watch a show that was ethically progressive, this is actually not a bad show to watch. is it perfect? no of course not. nothing is. but at least this show ASKS the questions addressing the ills of the world, like tribalism and bigotry and abuse and tyranny and the cycle of violence and homophobia and colonialism and ecological disaster.

does it have all the answers? of course not. for some of these things there ARE no answers.

and is BELLARKE perfect? 

once again, of course not. but having flaws does not mean that a show or a ship or a character or a writer or a person is worth less. Is this a generational thing? that kids these days think people and content has to be PURE GOOD in order to be AT ALL good? My son thinks this way too, and it is INCREDIBLY damaging to the way he thinks about himself. 

It’s a damaging way to think in general.

And these antis are thinking it all the time. Bellarke is [fill in the blank] so it’s trash. The 100 is not [fill in the blank] so it’s trash. JR is [fill in the blank] so he’s evil. Bob is [fill in the blank] so he should be reviled. Eliza is [fill in the blank] so she’s trash. Bellarkers are [fill in the blank] so they should die.

I mean. Really? Like we’re not allowed to be imperfect, any of us, because it means we are trash and should be thrown out and cancelled. IN WHAT WORLD IS THAT A FUNCTIONING WAY TO EXIST? No one is perfect. And when people repress anything they think is a flaw, it tends to come out in uncontrolled ways. Violence. Abuse. Sordid secrets. Hypocrisy. Harassment. Self hate. 

TBH, IF bellarke doesn’t end up as endgame, I will be disappointed in the show and in JR. I still think it’s in the narrative and leading towards bellarke endgame, although i’m not as sure about a HAPPY bellarke endgame. I am even MORE sure that it will be confirmed as canon, (which basically means a kiss, a confession of love with the word love, and/or sex,) because I believe it already IS canon with development towards all three over the last (especially) three seasons, in dialogue, action, narrative, cinematography, direction, acting, symbolism etc. i know a lot of people who don’t know as much about film, literature, fiction or storytelling don’t see it, but that’s not my problem and it doesn’t mean it’s not happening. it means it’s going on over their heads, like the dirty jokes in old kids cartoons.

BUT if it doesn’t end up canon, endgame or bittersweet happily ever after, I can get over it. It’s just a tv show and I don’t define myself by whether a show gives me my OTP or ends the way I want it to. And I also do not base my self esteem on being right or this theory or that theory. If i’m wrong, I take it as a learning opportunity and reevaluate my interpretation. I might decide that the writer/s betrayed their story and weren’t up to the challenge of bringing it all together, like GOT, or I might decide I interpreted it wrong and go back and try and see how it all fits. Or I might drop it and move on. Or I might reassess and decide that even if the story didn’t end up how I thought it would, it’s still a satisfying ending that wraps up the story. I mean, Buffy wasn’t good for shipping, but I still loved the end.

So for the story itself, I REALLY want a bellarke canon and marperly ever after ending.

But for all their bad behavior and bullying and harassment and jackassery I want it to shove it in their faces.

I honestly believe it’s going to be canon bellarke at least,  but if it isn’t, I KNOW all the antis will come at me to shove it in my face, even though I never practiced bad behavior, bullying, harassment or jackassery, I just  minded my own business and enjoyed my ship and. So it’s not like I’ll have a choice in that matter. I’ll probably have to take a break from this place if it does. Just because I figure it will be relentless, even though I’ve blocked so MANY people over the years.

Truth is, I won’t shove it in anyone’s faces, either. I’ll just stay in my lane and be happy about bellarke and feel vindicated.

I know it’s too much to expect the antis to do the same if it doesn’t work out in our favor.

[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 28-29, 2019 // the bonny scot

posting this a day later than normal because this is one of the rare episodes that shows a passage of time from one day to the next yayy love that for them

-wonder what filming these beginning sexy scenes is like for them in real life

-sooooo can lucy see nancys sexy dream? is she judging? does this mean she likes nancy with owen or nick more? or is she trying to tell nancy that her sex dreams are irrelevant to the mystery at hand and she needs to focus?

-seeing people in the ✨prison chair✨: gomber, carson, karen (voting for josh s3 just saying)

-completely ignores carson's question about herself typical nance

-"or maybe i did stumble across a knife" its like hes trying to make the case against him look plausible while attempting to maintain innocence. this is a slippery slope for carson to try and encourage her to keep her pacified + hide the truth while also trying to keep her from getting involved bc hudsons

-"genetics gets you in the door" aaaaand then she walks in to everetts office to meet him and crashes their family dinner

-ok who tf is dawn and why is she in charge here

-this guidance counselor of nicks is my favorite person

-"i admire your allergy to pleasantries" bess and nancy both have reveals to big families but nancy does not have the graceful, accepting reveal to her rich family like bess does at this lunch. nancys reveal is messy, cold, bloodstained and sticky-fingered, not nice in any way whatsoever. and this little chat with everett (bit of a parallel to lucy's) just highlights how nancy is always bad at bargaining with her grandparents*- always trying to fight on their level but giving up her equal hand bc she doesnt know how to hide it when they bring up something she doesnt know. like confronting celia at the masque: she was so confident with her theory and what she knew, but then we got a "what does that mean?" like. the instant you say that, you lose. and she walked right into the "yes i do have someone, hes in jail" 🤦🏼‍♀️ even in the car with ryan at the end of s1, he literally just fucking leaves her there. like 🤷🏼‍♀️ what did u think was gonna happen sis?? for all she can predict how past things lead to present circumstances shes fucking awful at seeing the direct future *(grandparents except for patrice bc her dementia makes her inaccessable)

-lmaooooo this awko ass portrait...i get the empty space is for nance but who on earth thought this was a good pic??

-LISBETH 🥺💙

-"will u help the claw for me?" george struggles financially to keep her livelihood while nancy is somehow shown as being taken care of even when her parent is incarcerated; both nancy and george live in single parent homes now with mention of both medical debt and george being breadwinner yet nancy has no struggles while george does. (i wonder if ryan had been able to help george here how the story would have changed)

-"when it comes to following people around without their knowledge or consent i am somewhat of a repeat offender" 😂😂😂

-"he wasnt endgame after all" BESS lmaoooo

-"...okay." lmaoooo i fuckin love owen

-i was hoping the girls' faces would be more shocked like with a glance to owen but they just....werent

-"we're the good guys" <---- this statement is soooo interesting in terms of how they structure the show and how the characters see themselves (its an interesting contrast with the more definitive good vs evil with things that are both clearly good and clearly evil but theres also a lot of moral grey area here, the show is kinda swamped in it. are nancy and crew the good guys? are they the bad guys in someone else's story? concerns.)

-"i'd call it more than just stuff" like why did u concede that??? and then the shit about oof that didnt sound like a compliment lmaoooooo why does she suck at arguing?? she and owen wouldnt work long term bc theyre so similar (as mentioned later on)

-i LOVE george slowly falling in love with nick here- hence how upset she gets when nick bails on her for nancy later (which is totally justified!!!)

-i am LIVING for the little nod this driver guy gives bess when she turns back around all nervous 😂

-"i do like buying things" i would so say that too tbh

-"you'd have plenty to talk about" LMFAOOOOOOO SHE KNOWS "marvins dont marry drivers" so diana is totally fine with the gay its just the poor she has a problem with 😂💙fuckin love that

-love how nancy just casually ruins everything for nick/george lmaooo

-"i have seen you at your best, nancy, and there is nothing like it." 🥴😳 i love this still-in-love look nancy gives him thats so strong he had to change the subject

-so is haunting time 11 pm? from that clock of bashiir's?

-how do NO neighbors notice this fucking water and shit

-these are TOTALLY AWFUL fake screams from the bonny scot crew 😭

-"i know well enough not to get involved when he's in play" both carson and ryan avoid engaging with everett even though nancy is willing to do so armed with less info and more balls/ but "could i trust him" and ryan says yes lmaooooo NO honey + that makes ryan 0/2 for helping the girls when they ask this ep

-"find a project of your own" and he does, with his youth center 🙏🏻💙 what s2 foreshadowing!

-"god i wish i still drank" 😂😂😂

-"she is darling." 💙👌🏻

-okay wtf is mirror bay??

-i really wonder about the extent of celia x sebastians relationship here. did she truly care about him or was it just secret and exciting sex? also would love more hints of diana vs celia moments like these. celia doesnt even look upset. i mean shes had time to deal but like wtf. and who exactly is sebastian to diana? not her husband? like damn what if he was. somehow i doubt she'd talk about him diddling celia if diana was disrespected also

-i wonder if celia being so invested in dna testing nancy was bc everrett dna tested ryan to make sure he was his bc of sebastian / other men (which would be totally valid on his part!! but wouldnt it be funny as fuck if ryan wasnt his 😂)

-what a neat hiding place in this frame lmaooo who put that in for them tho? like how do u go about ordering that

-"you certainly are your fathers daughter" this quote is doubly ironic and foreshadowy bc theyre referencing carson here as being a useful hudson attaché but nancy is playing everett just like ryan played celia about putting his house up (but TRIPLY ironic bc carson pulls off the long con of hiding nancy from the hudsons right under their noses this whole time!) the one time nancy is successful against them

-that bess/lisbeth look while lisbeth does something badass (+diana reassessing now that lisbeth has been revealed to be useful)

-"almost as fun as a real fight" why do i believe him? lmaoooo a bit weird that he would enjoy a fight w a partner, but i also think this is an acknowledgement of nancy being an "opponent" who exists at his level. but i also love the "let me take you out" as a direct mirror of her relationship with nick, where she avoids the public acknowledgment/"going out" but prefers the more subtle/hidden arrangements of staying in. but as shown with later eps, owen is way more capable of meeting nancy where shes at, which is so important to her + the only way of getting close to nancy. (the only foil is ace who somehow is able to do both)

-"not always about a guy" <---- this could have been such a powerful statement if the show had thought having nancy end up alone/choose herself instead of pitting her between love interests (nick, owen, gil, even potentially ace, in only 2 seasons) was a more worthy stance to take ; as an aro/ace person i cant tell you how much i would kill to see just one female protag choose herself over a man. and its more realistic to end up alone than have a happy ending anyway, for all that these shows try to be as "real" and gritty grimdark as possible

-"is that what you want?" this is an interesting question to his mother- like maybe he senses her unhappiness? combined with his issues with his father- still trying to look out for his mom? either way it's sweet. (it could also potentially work as foreshadowing of something happening to her, but i think that was played with but then diverted when it was revealed who really killed her) "i think its time i steer this ship" still kind of patriarchal tho. i get that its him coming into his own as a dad technically but still. i also like how he calls her "mother" and not mom

-love that old white people thumbs up at george asking about his clams 👍🏻

-okay fuck dawn tho lmfaoooo

-"stressful dinner huh?" 😂 i fucking love lisbeth so much why didnt they bring her back (wouldnt it be Fucking Hilarious if they brought lisbeth back to bounce bess on her expired visa since the marvins kicked her out and didnt fix it lmaoooooo)

-BESS IS A TOP lmaooooooo i fuckin knew it

-nick says "you can pay me back" wonder if thats gonna come back in s3 considering their "marital problems" (also, those bonds are sosus lmfaoooo if any single person cashing those was looked at sideways they'd confess in 2 seconds that some random guy is handing out bearer bonds they dont even make anymore with absolutely zero proof as to how he got them)

-"you wanna finish what you started?" 👀 (dont mind if i do)

-"i need my dad back" parallels s2 when she asks him to come home

-parent politics: "you are taking your life in your hands / no, i'm putting it in yours" vs "i know well enough not to get involved when hes in play" both carson and ryan try to dissuade nancy from pursuing her pulling this con on everett but go about it different ways: carson is wildly concerned with nancys physical wellbeing but ryan appears to be leaning more towards weighing the odds for her/ like a "you cant win so cut your losses/dont try" scenario which interestingly might have more weight with nancy; its easy for her to brush aside carson's worrying like second nature but nancy has been established to be a determined winner, and ryan speaks to her here like shes a beginners luck prodigy at a blackjack table by encouraging her to keep her record clean by not dealing in this next round. of course she herself admits shes incapable of not dealing in ie "you know me better than that" but i have lots more thoughts on how effective ryans approaches to nancy can be sometimes (saving for the reveal ep 🙏🏻)

-wonder what all carson knows about the hudsons? + that look on his face when he hangs up... wonder if he was just lying to her about knowing anything or just ashamed at having to admit bad things hes done for them

-love nick & bashiir waiting together 🙏🏻💙+ nicks very strong and pointed "good night" as a means of ending his convo w nancy on his terms (gotta reinforce those boundaries man!)

and lastly

-celia + that gossip girl moment when she just throws the whole phone away 😂(wonder if she was just talking to "gus" or whoever that guy was. keep forgetting the bobbseys' dad is in prison too, wonder if he'll feature in s3)

[like-the-wings-of-butterflies]

This Moment In Time (Racetrack Higgins x Reader)

Summary: Upon moving into your first apartment with Race, you’re reminded of the moments that led you to where you are

Warnings: Some mild angst quickly followed by sweet sweet fluff because I’m an absolute sucker for it

Word Count: 2,244 (this is longer then any of my usual stuff wtf)

A/N: I KNOW I’M A QUEEN BLOG BUT I NEEDED TO WRITE THIS AND DIDN’T FEEL LIKE SETTING UP ANOTHER BLOG TO POST IT SO ENJOY SOME OF MY OTHER FANDOM NONSENSE

A.K.A - I rewatched Newsies for the upteenth time (god bless you disney +) and it sparked an idea which is only a tiny little bit self indulgent

Feedback and comments are always appreciated! ♡

“So this is it.” You breathed into the darkened room, a smile dancing on your lips.

Race placed the burning candle in the centre of the one room apartment before rising to his feet again and grasping hold of your hand. The gentle flickering glow revealed that the small apartment. It was neglected to say the least, paint peeling from the walls, dust-encased windows and the odd squeaking floorboard; certainly a step up from the lodging house however. “I know it ain’t what we were dreamin’ of, not even close, but it’s-“

“It’s got a roof and it’s got you,” You finished for him, squeezing his hand in assurance with an honest smile despite him barely being able to see through the darkness. “It’s perfect. Nothin’ a bit of cleanin’ won’t fix.”

Truly, you couldn’t help but fall for the mess that was Racetrack Higgins. When you first showed up on the doorstep of the lodging house at the age of 13, it was Race that volunteered to take you under his wing and teach you the fine art that was selling newspapers. Staying as his selling partner permanently wasn’t exactly part of the plan, either was becoming one another’s best friend, but the pair of you couldn’t imagine selling with anyone else; having grown too accustomed to each other’s company.

He’d always flirt with you - as he would with every other person who’d give him the time of day— flattering you with compliments and cheesy pick up lines at every opportunity. You’d flirt back of course, not being able to resist the handsome blonde’s charm, but at the cost of catching feelings; no matter how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise, a childhood crush steadily emerged, turning the heads of the other newsboys.

But as the years progressed, you both matured into young adults. Your experiences bringing you closer together as you grew fonder of one another day by day.

Never in your entire life did you think you’d be living anywhere else but the crumbling walls of the lodging house or in one of New York’s damp alleyways. Yet here you were, hand-in-hand with your fiancé, settling into your first home together. Many were shocked that you were engaged at such a young age, but neither of you could truly see yourselves without the other in your life. Now too old to live in the lodging house, Race ironically managed to find work operating printing presses, and you as a server at Jacobi’s. In a unlikely twist of fate, you managed to earn enough money to move into the small apartment and support yourselves, all while keeping a close eye on the other Newsies.

“Should we check out the penthouse?” Race grinned ear to ear, running to the window upon your nod. He wrestled with the frame for moment before it opened with a satisfying ‘crack’ that echoed through the apartment, before stepping out onto the fire escape.

“M’lady~“ Race offered his outstretched hand with a charming smile, helping you step onto the raised surface. Your breath hitched as you saw the landscape in your surrounds. You were about four floors up which made the view expansive, and you suddenly became keenly aware of how many beautiful sunrises you’d be able to watch from your current position. You’d been in Jack’s penthouse on a couple occasions, but never just to sit and admire the view.

“How the hell did we make it here Racer?” You breathed in awe as you watched lights and lampposts decorate the otherwise dull streets of New York, like little stars in a blackened sky.

Race wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into a sweet embrace, your back pressed against his chest and his head resting on your shoulder, “I was just the prettiest Newsie you’s had ever seen and you’s couldn’t help but fall for me,” He teased, pressing a long kiss against the side of your neck as he giggled lightly to himself.

“You don’t think growin’ up or working together our whole lives had anythin’ to do with it?” You jested back, reaching a hand behind you to fiddle with the curls upon his head as you closed your eyes and leaned into his embrace.

“Absolutely not. But the strike?” He mused thoughtfully, “That’s when I realised I loved you.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It was no surprise waking up to Race sitting on the cold floorboards beside your bunk the night after the strike had been announced. Your beds weren’t too far from one another and Race always slept lightly, often being the call of comfort whenever anyone was having nightmares. He gently shook you awake while brushing away the tears that stained your face, smiling lightly once your eyes opened.

“What’s goin’ on Doll?,” He whispered out, careful not to wake the others, “Why you’s havin’ nightmares?”

“I’m scared what we’re doin’ is gonna get us all hurt,” You croaked out into the darkness, doing your best to hold back a sob. “That we’s gonna end up in the Refuge.” Nobody was oblivious to the chances of the strike ending in violence, the stakes were high; you were only a group of kids fighting against one of the most powerful men in New York after all.

Race’s hand stilled on the side of your face, his warm palm flat against your cheek grounding you and bringing you a sense of comfort. He could see in your eyes just how scared you were.

“I’m scared too,” He admitted before pausing, seemingly collecting his thoughts, “But we’s gonna be okay. Jack and Davey are smart, they’s know what they’re doin’.” He vowed, taking hold of one of your hands and rubbing his thumb against your knuckles.

You both sat in silence for quite some time, both too distracted by your thoughts swirling around your heads. As you felt your eyelids growing heavy, you lightly tugged on Race’s arm who brought his eyes up to meet yours.

“Stay with me?” You queried, eyes hopeful.

Without so much as a second thought, he lifted the thin sheet covering your body before sliding into the small bed, his chest pressed against your back, “Anythin’ for you (Y/N).”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A few days later, when the bulls attacked, you were an absolute mess; much like the others. In such a short amount of time, your entire world had flipped upside down and everything was shrouded in a new sense of seriousness.

Of the entire group, Davey, Mush, Albert and yourself had come out relatively unscathed - save for a couple bruises - meaning you’d been tasked with patching up the others who weren’t as lucky. You’d just finished tying up Les’ arm into a sling, only as a temporary measure however, just to stop the energetic boy from exercising it too much until he got home. You bargained on the fact that Mrs Jacobs would have a far better fix to his seemingly broken arm, knowing that if worst came to worst, the family could afford a doctor.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.” You grinned softly as you walked towards Race in the back corner of the lodging house, shrouding himself in the shadows of the late afternoon sun.

“Ha ha.” He imitated, his usual playful attitude absent as he refused to look in your direction.

Something wasn’t right.

With your bodies facing each other, his legs hung over the edge of the table he was perched on as you remained standing. After a few moments of unmoving silence, you lightly tapped his knee, asking him to move so you could stand between his legs. He complied, but kept his eyes secured to the wall on your right. Slowly, you reached out to cup his jaw with a gentle hand, tilting his face to meet yours. You face fell the instant you saw the extent of his injuries.

His left eye was swollen shut, with hints of black already forming on the delicate skin. His chin was tinged an unforgivable red from where he’d wiped away the blood from his busted lip and damp trails ran from his watery right eye.

He’d been crying.

Your own tears welled up when he looked you in the eye, and you found yourself biting your lip to stop any from falling.

With your other hand, you grasped hold of the brim of his worn hat and placed it on the table beside him, letting the mess of curls fall lose against his face.

“Are you okay?”

He nodded solemnly, bringing a hand up to wipe away at his own tears before resting his head against your chest and wrapping his arms around your back, “You?”

“Just shaken up.” You stated, wasting no time in wrapping your arms around his shoulders and placing your chin upon his head. The pair of you stayed like that for an extended period of time, without anyone questioning you. It was a hard day for everyone, no one needed to make it any harder. After some time, the sun had set and the lodging house was quieter then ever before. You longed to sit down and fall asleep yourself, your legs sore and aching. But you couldn’t bring yourself to disturb the heavy sleeping form of your best friend. The years of denial on your behalf, stating that you hadn’t caught feeling for Race were long forgotten now.

The things you’d do to make that moment last forever.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A few days later, you and the other Manhattan Newsies had recovered for the most part. Physically, everyone were well on their way to healing, but emotionally there was still a fair way to go. Crutchie was still in the Refuge and Jack was still missing but everyone had managed to rest up while Davey reassessed the group’s future movements.

While the others sat glumly in Jacobi’s, you’d decided to go for a long stroll around New York to clear your head, musing the thought of visiting Crutchie in the Refuge. He was one of your closest friends, so sweet and so caring with an equally as vibrant personality, the thought of him in such a wretched place brought tears to your eyes.

You’d helped Jack smuggle food and blankets on too many occasions to count; how difficult could it be without him?

Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the shout of your name from a long way down the busy street. Race’s figure came into view quickly, his chest was heaving as he sprinted down the cobblestone footpath towards you. Immediately, you panicked, thinking Race had been caught stealing cigars again and the cops were on their way but much to your surprise, he slowed as he neared you. Rather then desperation being painted across his features, his face held joy. Pure, unadulterated joy.

“We’s in the papes (Y/N)!” He gasped out, bending to place his hands on his knees as he caught his breath.

“What are you talkin’ about Race?”

“Katherine got us in the paper!,” He heaved, sweat glistening on his forehead. He pulled the rolled up newspaper from underneath a strap of his suspenders, before unrolling it to the front page and holding it out to you, “Look! That’s us!” He beamed, pointing a finger at the image underneath the headline: ‘NEWSIES STOP THE WORLD’.

In your slight state of shock, you glossed over the story and mentally took note to personally thank Katherine later on.

You actually made it into the papes.

“You’s know what this means?” You queried, your smile transforming into a bright grin as you grabbed hold on Race’s hands, tucking the paper under your arm.

“We’re famous.” He finished for you, his grin matching yours.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Newsies of New York City.” Jack addressed from the top of Newsies Square, Joseph Pulitzer at one side and governor Theodore Roosevelt at the other. It was nice to see him back where he truly belonged, the so-called ‘King of Manhattan’. You could feel your heart beating painfully in your ears as you awaited the news, the anticipation making every second feel longer then what it actually was. Race’s hand was tight in your grasp as you sucked in a final breath, “We won!”

The chorus of cheers that sounded was deafening. It was finally over. After two ruthless and unforgiving weeks of striking, and everything had finally come to a close.

You let out a breath you hadn’t realise you were holding and turned towards Race. Race grabbed your shoulders and pulled you into his chest, laughing and chorusing while you were grinning ear to ear yet entirely speechless.

When he pulled away, you were slightly disappointed with the loss of contact, but when his arms around your body were replaced by his lips against yours, the world melted away. Slow and soft yet fiery and passionate the same time, as unpredictable as Race himself. His hand moved to cup your jaw and draw you closer, your arms finding their way to wrap around his neck.

When you pulled apart, there was stars in both of your eyes.

“I love you (Y/N).”

“I love you too Racetrack.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You sighed lightly at the fond memories, feeling incredibly grateful for all that had happened in order to bring you to where you were.

“We’s really made it huh?”

Race briefly chuckled into your shoulder, before raising his head and placing another long kiss against your neck, “We’s really made it.”

[roses-are-blue16]

Prompts-Hannibal #2

(Just throwing out random ideas in the universe since I don't have the skills to write them. Not all elements need to be used, up to writer preference.)

Main Idea: After shooting Gideon, Will decides you know what b4 he goes out of total control, he’s going to take control. He decides to check himself in a  Psychiatric hospital and reassess what’s happening.

My extra little ideas:

Will would still have Encephalitis so if he seizes it would be found out what is really wrong with him

Hannibal’s surprise would be hilarious-like no that wasn’t where I had planned this going. <-You cant predict Will Graham 

 This would probably have Will reassess and analyzing everything that is happening which can be easier knowing although he hates these places the environment is now controlled and he can focus on himself and figure wtf is going on

Featuring: Hannigram mind games

If he checks himself in-would he have more control over what they do and if he wants to leave? He would leave anyways probs when they find the Encephalitis 

Freddie would probably have a blast writing the headline when finding out he checked himself in

 Would be funny if that’s how Jack, Alana and Hannibal found out

(Send me any links to fics like this if you see it or if this little prompt sparked any idea you may have had even if it has nothing to do with the prompt. I would love to read it)

[ellastar1980]

Charmed mid season thoughts

I’m very conflicted right now.

I simultaneously like and hate the current eight episodes of s2.

It’s leading me well but not necessarily where I feel curious or happy to follow. I have to understand the network functionality and how they want to present their shows and that there must be conflict, angst and drama in relationships. It doesn’t stop me hoping for the promise of a genuine, healthy one but needs must to generate an audience.

There are too many other characters to focus on any one more than five seconds. They intrigue but are thrown away just as easily.

Abigael is not one of them. An interesting potential villain ruined by daddy issues, sexual manipulation for the male gaze, the need to explain her actions and her power being given to her after she ‘proves’ herself rather than her taking it. Her ‘rebellion’ against the patriarchy still relies on and is fuelled by men. She hides her witch side for fear of being cast out. Her insertion into a triangle/square/potential pentagram of a ‘love problem’ is typical and leaves a bad taste. It’s emotional manipulation that a fandom has six weeks to ruminate over with no psychological comfort at all.

Jordan has been utilised to a degree and has roots of a story in his own right, a lot of questions at this point and good potential.

Kat is gone. Wtf? Why? Is this a trick? Was this all so Mel could get her shop? Seriously?

Mel you’re coming into your own so beautifully, you have handled every situation with courage and tenacity. No powers? No problem! If you can’t find a way, no one can. This new life has shown your adaptability and problem solving capabilities and they are magnificent.

Maggie, you’ve grown so much. Stepping up to get a job and promotion (with a little magic help), finding your power again first, sacrificing your future just to get somewhere solid in your effort to protect and save witches. It’s been excellent for you. You have been rewarded with heartbreak, I truly hope you find peace to move on.

Macy - you’ve had it hardest. Only active power, giving up your dream job, sleep deprivation and shame for the reason for sleep deprivation, taking all the guilt and responsibility when you lose a witch, searching for any kind of stability in this new life, having to trust someone who’s tried to kill you and is provoking you... the list goes on. My hope is you now get the chance to clear your head, find your focus (and science again), concentrate on you. The others have powers, the pressure must ease.

Harry, you’re lost. You’ve been broken literally, forced into blindly following those who have controlled you, have a darklighter who makes you feel less than nothing, feelings that you’re trying to hide, a purpose you can’t find, manipulated. It’s time to step back and reassess where you’re heading. Keep everyone at arms length. (I doubt that’ll happen but I can always hope!)

New additions aside, I think there needs to be a rebalance between the s1 and s2. While s1 was in depth, s2 feels lacking in direction a little. There are so many aspects that can be mixed for the perfect remaining season with sincere hope for a season 3.

Sisterly bond - the dynamic was always going to be different thanks to Macy growing up away from Maggie and Mel. There’s very little shared history or memories to bond over.

PO3 - they still seem to retain magical abilities however not the power of three. I’m not sure if their insinuating there is no PO3 without them having their powers back but it feels that way. It’d be nice if this wasn’t the case, that they could still connect and have control together, powers or no powers.

Ethnic backgrounds - there needs to be much more explored when it comes to their origins. Otherwise they’re just generic females that can be replaced by any other girl. There were small tasters and references in season 1 but there should be a way to organically incorporate issues and traditions into the narrative and educate the audience in diverse culture. If it’s just to draw in an ethnic audience with empty promises, it definitely harms its future.

I do however totally 100% support the show in its direction, aim to be supportive and positive about its future, learn to trust and accept all I can.

[mittensmorgul]

So I feel like this season has something to do with touches, a very hand thing. And I directly paid more attention to sam and rowena. I feel like 15x03 was a direct parallel to 10x19. Specially cause in 10x19 Ro said they were mortal enemies and that they'd tried to kill each other and on 15x03 she said they'd grown quite fond of each other. Both ep contrasted a lot, even scenes from the same angle and, HANDS TOUCHING. Also hands 'barely' touching again when they reunited on 15x08. Thoughts?

Okay, okay… this is something I think I wrote about in my very, very long post about Rowena. The relevant bit:

Rowena got a surprise at the end of 10.18, though. A surprise and a gift in the form of Sam Winchester asking for her help and presenting her one of the greatest magical treasures she’d ever laid her hands on– The Book of the Damned. The terms of their deal would be hashed out in 10.19, where Sam agreed to kill Crowley in exchange for her help in translating the book and removing the Mark of Cain from Dean. Sam had no problem agreeing to her terms– killing Crowley who had been sometimes an ally and sometimes an enemy, but he would struggle to actually complete the mission. The main plot of 10.19, though, is fascinating to me in terms of overall themes. And this was, again, Bobo writing Rowena.

The Werther Project. Sam calls Rowena for help when he finds the location of the codex she needs to decipher the Book of the Damned, held in a long-abandoned Men of Letters chapter house that had seen tragedy befall it after it was eventually bought by a family who didn’t know of the danger buried behind a wall in their basement. This horrific power– placed there by a man who wanted to use the power the MoL had amassed (particularly in this case a codex stolen from a witch of the Grand Coven) for their own purposes– was broken open by a young woman lashing out in anger against her own unfair treatment by her family (her brother enjoyed privileges she did not, while she was expected to do chores and relinquish her own entertainment for her brother’s comfort).

Sam goes to free this codex– once the product and property of women, from the box that required the death of a Man of Letters (apparently) in order to unlock it. But the box contained a different lock, another layer of protection, as well, in the form of a spell that would compel the people present when it was activated into committing suicide by their own hallucinations. Dean hallucinated himself trapped in Purgatory again where a manifestation of Benny encouraged him to stay, to end it all, and not put the burden of killing him onto Sam and Cas. The woman who’d originally unleashed the curse on her own family had stayed in the house for more than 40 years ensuring that nobody ever fell victim to it again. Her hallucination had been to watch her family kill themselves all over again. At first, Sam hallucinated this woman pushing him to end it, but then Rowena mysteriously arrived and promised to help guide him to the codex.

I had to explain all of this, because Rowena… was Sam’s hallucination. Only instead of just guiding him to kill himself to no purpose– the way Susie and then Dean were being persuaded to– she (as a manifestation of Sam’s own subconscious and knowledge of what they were actually there to retrieve) guided him through opening the box. But Dean broke free of his own hallucination and found Sam bleeding out for the spell, and took over offering his own blood in addition. That was the key, that only two men working together could unlock the box and live, and it was Rowena (or a hallucination of her) that guided him to the solution.

She might not know about it, but this was how Sam saw her even then– as nothing more than the potential solution to his problem. At that time, he was using her just like every other man, which he proved to her when he shackled her in iron and forced her to get to work deciphering the spell to save Dean. BOY HOW THINGS CHANGED by the time Sam would willingly give her the spell to unlock her own bound power, right? 2 ½ seasons of growth, in fact, for both of them.

and a link to the whole thing, on ao3 because it’s way too long for tumblr:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21641770

Season 10 was a wild ride, culminating in a massive wtf switcheroo of plot, and this episode fell right in the middle of what feels like a narrative wrestling match, where half the writers jumped on board with the shift in thematic meaning and burning down the narrative structure to accommodate and entirely different resolution for the Mark of Cain that completely took Dean and his own internal darkness out of the equation. But in doing that, in Freeing The Divine Feminine, they also gave Rowena a chance, just like Sam would eventually, and just like Rowena herself would eventually ASK for herself in 13.19.

And it started right here:

Hands and handprints have long been a recurring symbol and theme on Supernatural. But at this point in the story, back in 10.19? They’re about to thematically explode all over the place. S11… was super handsy.

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/tagged/this%20season’s%20getting%20handsy/chrono

And that handprint imagery really started ramping up toward the end of s10– not only with this, but also with Dean in 10.22:

I wrote this back in December:

https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/189794971800/whats-your-take-on-all-the-shots-focusing-on-hands

But like back in s11, I’ve also been remembering how these scenes also focus around “transfers of power.” Or perhaps… the balance of power. In s11, these hands all culminated in Chuck and Amara reuniting, by clasping hands. Talk about a power balance.

But before this, what shook Amara? Was that her touch killed. She ran her hand through the flowers, and they withered and died. She was afraid to accept the kindness of an old woman and feed the pigeons for fear of killing them, too.

And isn’t this EXACTLY Rowena’s story? through everything she’s confessed even going back to s11 (heck, all of this is in my long post linked at the top of this), and wasn’t she directly paralleled AGAINST Amara in 11.18, even though she truly believed herself to be similarly aligned WITH Amara? I think that was the moment Rowena began to truly reassess what she ACTUALLY wanted, by seeing the true depths of The Darkness for herself.

Rowena didn’t exactly know HOW to get this for herself, this redemption, this balance of power, and instead ran the complete opposite direction in s12, abandoning her drive for power and seeking purely human security and protection, but she didn’t exactly have marketable skills aside from manipulating men into providing for her, because of her deeper underlying issues with love, the fear of love, and abandonment and abuse.

It’s literally taken opening up about her darkest fears to Sam to help give her the power, the belief and trust in herself, to find another way, to believe she might be able to change her fate. But as of 15.03, and confirmed in 15.08, she was not enough, she couldn’t redeem herself, even by sacrificing herself to save the world. Horrific, right?

In Chuck’s story, the feminine is sacrificed for the sake of creation.

(to quote Dagon from 12.17 when she informed Kelly of her fate for carrying Jack to term: birthing a nephilim is fatal. always. it’s like Chuck’s story, his creation, can’t abide feminine creation, in any way…and Rowena was punished for her magic just as Mary was murdered TWICE to serve Chuck’s narrative, and Jess was killed to push Sam back into the story, and Eileen has been killed once for daring to interfere with the story and Chuck had planned to kill her again if she hadn’t walked away, and all because he’d had to lock up Amara to start the process of creation in the first place. All of creation has literally been “his story, not hers.” And now Amara has found balance within herself, and is able to walk out of Chuck’s story herself. The only one who hasn’t found balance, redemption, or peace… is Rowena. Well, and Billie, who stepped up to fill the shoes of Death, and who Chuck doesn’t like because she meddles…)

(and omg I went looking for that pic of chuck and amara’s hands clasped at the end of 11.23, I ran across this from the beginning of 11.23, and I’m crylaughing over Chuck in Sam’s arms like that with the “wrong shoulder” grip)

I confess at this point I’ve totally lost the thread of what you were talking about in your first message, aside from the fact it had to do with Sam and Rowena’s relationship as expressed through hands, and honestly… this is the level of the story that the parallel fits.

*restrains self from typing something >.>*

*instead types this* Nice angle on that shot there…

eta, when I came back to tag this after posting, the fact their fingers don’t meet, their hands don’t connect in 15.08 was exactly paralleled to Dean and Cas’s fingers not meeting when Cas healed Dean’s hand, and then when they put their hands next to one another but not touching on the spell bowl immediately before going to Hell and finding Rowena there... there’s disconnects all around!

Lol as I was typing most of this, I had Practical Magic on in the background, wherein two sisters break a centuries-old curse on their family that the men they loved would be doomed to an early death… and they did it, they broke the curse, freed themselves to be able to freely fall in love, by clasping hands.

So please just try and tell me this isn’t imagery directly connected to these themes of love and loss and connection and balance and power.

[yellowmagicalgirl]

Canon AU (cough Unbecoming cough) + Under Stress Confession? ;3

Like it says choose a universe and trope and I shall try to do it :3

So, I know that by canon au you probably meant Jim’s Unbecoming (and probably a different sort of under stress confession), but I think this is the perfect time to talk about my Determinant AU. It’s an AU where three major changes have been made to the universe:

Jim is a butch lesbian named Jennifer “Jen” Lake, and also half changeling because Barbara defected from the Janus Order. Originally she was also going to be the trollhunter bc this had a lot more sapphic starcrossed lovers, but I decided to change this. Well, it’s still sapphic, but less starcrossed.

Claire was kidnapped by Gladys Groe when she was eight years old; her memories were blocked by magic and she was raised as Morgana’s nameless apprentice, until she gained the name Fontaine de Morgan because she was sent back to Arcadia Oaks to spy on the first human trollhunter, otherwise known as...

The name called by the amulet after Kanjigaar’s death is Darci Scott, who eventually becomes known as Darci the Determined, or maybe Darci the Determinator.

In the Determinant AU, Darci’s Unbecoming results in the same thing as Jim’s did in the canon, with the added horror of nameless!Fontaine killing Mary, the latter of whom has Toby’s role in the story. However, there is a variant AU to my AU that I call the De Morgan’s Law AU. In this variant AU, Morgana senses that Merlin sent his human trollhunter back in time, and she names Fontaine and sends her to intercept and kill the human trollhunter. However, Merlin realizes what’s going on and has the amulet call out for Claire Maria Nuñez.

Darci is extremely suspicious of Fontaine, and tries to figure out just who the human (or half-human; she considers Jen) trollhunter is. She doesn’t suspect that Fontaine is

Fontaine tells Strickler she’ll look for Claire and try to kill her, but she used magic to convince the trolls that she was the trollhunter (even though she feels like she’s betraying Morgana by saying the incantation) since they already thought she was Claire. However, Fontaine doubts her own lie because she’s beginning to have flashbacks to having been in Arcadia as a child, having parents and having been friends with Mary (who is kept in the dark by both Darci and Fontaine). Eventually, her lack of loyalty begins to drive a wedge between herself and Trollmarket, but it does lead her to team up with Jen and Barbara.

Flash forward to the second Battle of Killahead Bridge. It occurs at the same time as before, and Darci has been practicing her swordplay and martial arts skills despite not wanting to be the trollhunter. Darci sneaks in, planning to hide until she was desperately needed or the battle is over, and go back to being a normal human with no connection to trolls if she could. She realizes that Mary is being used as bait. She sees Fontaine approach, smirking. Darci clenches her fists; Fontaine didn’t show up to the battle in the Determinant timeline. And then Darci has to keep herself from gasping, or else she’d give away her position. Mary does gasp.

“Well, you see, my real name is Claire Maria Nuñez, and Daylight is mine to command!”

Claire fights, relying on her training under Morgana and blasting Mary down with a bolt of magic. That goes about as well as you’d think, except when the amulet is forced into Killahead Bridge, Darci screams out the incantation, summoning the amulet to herself and causing the bridge to crumble.

Claire: Why do you have my armor?

Darci: Why didn’t you bring backup?

Claire: I brought a cavalry, waiting outside.

Mary: WTF is going on, I can’t even look this up on my phone because our monstrous history teacher broke it.

The cavalry is Jen on a bike. She hasn’t gotten a vespa because she doesn’t have anything close to a good relationship with Blinky between being half-changeling and Fontaine Claire not having a great relationship with him. Jen realizes that there’s more people than she was expecting, transforms into her half-changeling (immune to sunlight!) form, and runs alongside the others as they go to the cannals, because apparently Bular is headed there according to Darci. Darci is correct, and with the help of her friends she defeats Bular for the second time. She’s quickly reassessing how to do damage control, because she still doesn’t want to be the trollhunter. While Claire does need to work on her social skills (living in a cave with an abusive mentor and the once-a-year visits with supplies from changelings means she doesn’t know how to interact with people), Darci believes that Claire is a better choice.

Mary demands explanations. Why does Darci have armor and know how to command the others in battle? What the hell is Jen, and the other stone monsters for that matter? And most importantly, where has Claire been for the past eight years?

Claire starts to panic. She announced her real name to the changelings, and since they know that she knows, her family might be in danger. The same goes for Jen and Barbara. Her best option is to disappear, since the real trollhunter finally showed up.

Darci realizes just what’s going through Claire’s head, and realizes that she’s going to have to be the trollhunter no matter what. However, once she started working with them Fontaine was an important ally back in the Determinant timeline, and if she doesn’t give Claire a reason to stay, the fight is going to be much harder. And yes, here is your under stress confession.

“You don’t want me as your trollhunter, and you definitely don’t want me to do this alone, because I did that already in another timeline. There, I released Gunmar.”

Nevermind that Gunmar will still be released in the De Morgan’s Law AU

[winstonhcomedy]

“Dope A-F” - 1/28-1/30- “I Think I’m Going to Lose It”

What’s up baybees!?!? I’ve got a lot of shows to cover in a short amount of time. We’ve got a couple good ones, but for the most part this week has been a struggle. Definitely some super trying times, and I don’t know exactly what to do. I figured it’s time to share with you some of you laydees! So let’s get to it.

1/28

We had a twofer Monday night. I was super excited about it. For a lot of reasons. I had a spot on the showcase at Bottom’s Up pizza hosted by Patrick Buhse, and then I was going to go do a set at Jkogi’s open mic run by five comics (Brittany Andersen, Mu Cuzzo, Rick Williams, Beau Troxclair, and Kate Carroll).

So the Bottom’s Up showcase is going to be interesting. It will be the first show there in like 6 months. It used to be an open mic every single Monday hosted by a comic who is no longer a part of the scene. He lost the room after some accusations came out about some misconduct. I am not going to comment too much on it because I know there are some court proceedings going on/about to start going on.

Needless to say most people thought comedy would never happen there again. Thankfully Patrick Buhse got the room, and he booked a pretty dope lineup for the first showcase. I invited some people from work, and made sure to share the event info quite a bit. I thought this was going to be a dope show, and people would be excited for comedy to be back.

I get to the show a couple hours early and try to get some writing done. As we get closer to the show there is only two audience members. I am starting to get worried. I always do. Which is dumb, and I need to work on it. I just freak out about attendance for every show I am at. It is a dumb fear, but for right now I can not help it.

Jesse Jarvis shows up and sets up the PA. He and I start to move the tables and get the room set up. Buhse, James Muñoz, Kate Carroll also show up. After a while some people start to filter in. I have about three people from work come out (thankfully they haven’t seen a lot of my comedy so at least it will be new to them).  We keep pushing the show back waiting for a crowd. It never happens. We have 8 audience members who aren’t comedians. They are all spread out, and usually this means the show is not going to be fun.

Buhse goes up and has a good hosting set. The people there are actually laughing. I realize they all have good energy and this is actually going to be pretty dope. After his set he brings up Jesse Jarvis who keeps the train rolling with a. strong set. Kate Carroll followed him and we get more of the same. The energy in the room is great for such few people. During her set Francesca Lyn comes in and we have the full lineup there.

It is my turn. I go up and I see a lady in the front row. I ask her name, and after she tells me I say, “ok cool now I officially know everyone in this room.” That gets a good laugh and I go into my material. I do about ten minutes featuring bits I have been working on for a bit. I feel like this chunk is taking longer to get finished than most. I think I’ve been lazy which is on me. Also the topics are a little more sensitive (race, gay conversion therapy, politics) so that also makes them tougher to sell. The set goes really well. Honestly I’d give it a solid B. I felt really good about it.

Afterwards Francesca goes up and has a dope set, and James closes it out with a hot one. He had manic energy while he read off a huge list of jokes. he was like a human Twitter stream. Everybody had a good set, and the show was fun. it was fun enough that I hope Buhse can start to pack it out and turn it into something awesome.

I hop in my car and drive to do a spot at Jkogi. There is a pretty good crowd, but they don’t seem super into it. I walk in and the PA sounds pretty busted. It keeps cutting in and out. I walk in during a dude bombing and see my buddy Alex there. We talk for a bit and then he goes up. He has an amazing set. He caught some lightning in a bottle. All of his riffs on the PA not working killed. His jokes worked as well. It was definitely the best set I saw of the night. He did so well he made it really tough for Jameson who had to follow him. He didn’t have the energy to really follow the type of set Alex had. You really had to grab the dingy and ride the wave.  

Jameson bails early and I find out I am on stage next. I don’t even have time to grab my notebook so I just go up and do my set. I don’t even remember what I did. I am a little out of it and that’s to my detriment. Some of my jokes do ok, but I never really capture the audience the way I want to. I get a couple pops but thats about it. It is also distracting because to my left Jameson is just talking about how his set went. It wasn’t loud enough to distract the crowd, but he was close enough to the stage that I could hear it so it just felt like voices in my head. It is also weird when a show has multiple hosts, because most of them are lighting so I have to acknowledge like 3 different lights. I’m like I GET IT I’M BOMBING! I’d give this set a D+ or C-. Idk it was fine, but I didn’t love it.

I go outside and talk to Alex, and Mike Engle for a bit. We get a good riff session in and Alex walks me to my car. We talk about bombing, and how his set went. Alex also tells me that even though he doesn’t read it he is proud I am keeping up with the blog. Which is as nice and honest a compliment you can give someone. It was a good talk. I hop in my car and head home.  

1/29

So this is where it starts to get juicy. This is one of those rare nights in Richmond where you have the opportunity to get up not once, not twice, but three times!!!

I pick up Alex Castagne and we go grab a bite to eat before the shows. I take my goPro in and we make a video. I came up with my new video series called the Lunch Boiyz. We went to Golden Corral and Beau Troxclair joins us. We end up shooting a super funny video, and have a really great time.

After this we head back to Alex’s place and meet up with Paige. We all head down to Mojo’s to find out where we are in the lineup. We were going to do Mojos, City Dogs, and then end at Fallout. We talk to Buhse and find out that won’t work so we reassess and head to City Dogs first.

We get there and the host Benjamin Braman is setting up. There is like 4 audience members, and only like 5 comics total on the list. Kenn Edwards and Liz Carr show up, and we make up the 5 comics.

Braman goes up and does a short hosting set before bringing up Paige. Paige is working out a new chunk of trans material and he has ben nervous to. try it in RVA. It goes ok. Not a bad set. I go up next and honestly have a really hot one. All of my stuff is really hitting and the four audience members are super into it. I am able to riff some new lines which feels really good. I’d give this set a B. Honestly I don’t know if I could have done better with my material in that room.

After me Alex goes up and has a good one. He does a bunch of crowd work and works out his new shit as well. They dig it and a few more people walk in during his set. I wish more people did this room. It is a humongous shame that people have a chance to get a lot of stage time and refuse to do it. A lot of people talk about grinding and trying to make it but I think only the three of us ended up doing all three open mics. They also aren’t even that far apart and the timing is perfect to do all three.

Before Kenn goes up I head over with Paige to Fallout. We talk in the car and head inside. Beau is there and so is Kate. Kat Malone is hosting and she gets us a good spot so we can also make Mojos.

Alex goes up after the same comic who did a street joke at Hof Garden two weeks ago. The PA is absolutely garbage for Alex tonight. Every time he moves he gets crazy feedback. Then he riffs on the bad PA and this time unlike Jkogi it doesn’t work. So he gets some laughs but all in all it is a rough set. Paige then goes up and he tries some stuff and gets some laughs. He works on his trans chunk again (I'm proud of him for doing it in RVA). After his set I go up and proceed to eat a fat one. I can’t connect. Some stuff does ok, but most of it falls flat. It’s like idk wtf I'm doing anymore. I’d give this set a D. I needed more energy and needed to sell it more.

We finally head over to Mojos. The hang is fun. I am up in like 8 comics but I really am exhausted so Paige and I switch and I get to go up a few comics earlier. Alex goes up and is getting nothing. We watch a few more comics bomb. The crowd was kind of dead. They were all in the back of the room and either comics or just people that don’t give af about comedy. I tell myself I am just going to do my material.

I go up and bomb harder than I did at Fallout. I did my set and kept working on the wording, but it felt awful. Legit it felt like I was just like staring into the eyes of 30 people who have just started comedy looking at me thinking, “how the hell does this guy get booked on anything.” It sucks. I’d rate this a D or D- as well. Maybe one thing worked, and it wasn’t what I really wanted to work. I mopily walk to my car and drive home.

1/30

I have a solid day of work. I get to go to the Science Museum which was super dope. I am trying to destress after a rough night of comedy. I edit together my Lunch Boiyz video and I am crazy happy about it. 

After work I do some relaxing with friends, and then grab dinner with Alex. We go to this Philly Cheesesteak place next to Garden Grove in Cary town. It is pretty good. I show him the LB video and he loves it.  

There is two shows tonight. Home Sweet Home hosted by Jacob McFadden and then Nuevo Mexico hosted by Moe Singleton. HSH is a pretty fun hang. Tons of new comics, but also some of my buddies show up. The show starts and I’m going second. Jacob starts us off and there is an ok sized crowd upstairs. So I am anticipating having an ok set. I’ve got about five new minutes on teaching that I want to work on. 

Jacob always does a joke intro for people. They’re always funny, and can put you in a weird spot on stage because the audience has no idea that it is a joke. He really got me this night. It was a perfect aligning of the stars. I get brought up to, “this next comic used to do this super offensive character where he pretended to teach autistic kids, but thankfully he stopped Winston Hodges.” So now all my teaching stuff is out the window and I just work out other material.

I BOMB SO HARD HERE. Like according to Alex I did better than I think, but I felt like legit nothing was working. There was a dude there who was doing comedy for the first time as a punishment for fantasy football, and he came up during my set and he is just talking. I can’t shit on him because he brought the crowd, but I truly feel like I am floundering. I feel like nothing is working and I want to bail early. I do my time, but do not feel good about it. I’d give this set an F. Alex goes up and has a hot one. Gets lots of laughs, and everything at least hits a little bit. It is dope to see. 

I walk outside with Alex after and I am furious. Like legit am having a breakdown. I feel like all of the newer comics hate me, they think I’m unfunny, and they’re just staring at me because I’m a hack. This kills me. The bombing hurts so bad. I feel like all of my jokes are trash and I legit feel like I can’t remember what a good set feels like or how to do crowd work. I don’t see the point in continuing to work out new material. We have a nice talk. I am in my feels, and am devastated. I decide I am not going to Nuevo Mexico. I can’t do it. I am defeated. Alex says let’s go inside and say bye to Jacob. He goes in and I sit down to talk to Beswick and wait for Alex. 

Beswick and I have a good talk. He understands where I am coming from. He gets what is going on, and he knows it is tough. He reaffirms what I already know. That I have to keep doing new, because that is how you get good in the first place. Him and Alex both remind me we don’t need to impress anyone, this is all about working on our acts.

It has been like 15 minutes and I don’t see Alex. I assume he is upstairs. He calls me and then texts me asking where I am. I tell him I’m driving. I figured it’d be a good gag because I’m his ride. He’d rush downstairs and we’d leave.

 So like another twenty minutes goes by and I go upstairs to watch Brown Frown the Clown ( a character portrayed by Mike Shea). It is insane. It has ballads about poop, jokes about rimming, and Brown Frown eats shit on stage (literally). It is nuts. Mike does a lot of characters. They are always insane sets that change the energy in a room. I respect what he does a lot. I could never do it. It is so different from what I do on stage it is kind of astounding to watch. Audiences are always trying to figure out what is going on and that is the beauty of it. Super funny and fun set. 

I finally text Alex did you leave? He says yes. I go outside and we talk on the phone. Apparently it was a miscommunication. He was outside waiting at my car when he texted and called. He thought me saying I was driving was me telling him to screw off so he got a ride to Nuevo Mexico. I am pretty furious. Not at him but at the situation. I wouldn’t have sat in the room where I bombed so hard I wanted to die in for an additional 40 minutes if I had known he left. 

I say screw it. I get in my car and drive to Nuevo. I don’t care if I bomb again. I legit refuse to let comedy beat me. I get to Nuevo and as I walk in Alex told me he was texting me it was good I didn’t come there. Super light and drunk crowd. Super talkative. Alex said he did pretty well with crowd work but you really had to work it. 

Ben Oliver, Nathan Carlson, John Marg, Rebecca Hyman and Moe were all there. I get to see John and Ben go up. There are some moments in each set that are dope. Marg had a strong set. First time I’ve ever seen him do crowd work and he weaved his jokes in and out. Definitely a good thing to see. Ben did some as well. He is still working on being comfortable on stage, but I love that he isn’t afraid to do the tough rooms to try to figure that shit out. 

The it is my turn. Even more people have left at this point. I look at Alex and we both share a side eye. The look that this might not go well. We start laughing. I see Moe has a shit on that he made that says “embrace the bomb”. So I decide to just go up and do my thing. 

I have an incredibly hot set all things considered. I do about fifteen minutes. Most of it is crowd work with some rowdy hecklers. I really go in on this guy and he loves it. I get a few applause breaks (weird with only 7 people) and some super good pops. I feel so good during this set I don’t want to stop. I do about three actual jokes and they both kill. I ended on an applause break. I know this might mean nothing to most people but this was one of the most validating sets I’ve had in a long time. I’d give myself a B+ or A-. It was a reminder of what I can do when I am not in my own head. Bombing is part of the process, and always will be. I just have to keep working on accepting it and accepting that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about my act other than myself/audience. 

I stay and watch Rebecca’s set. She closes on her song and I dance and sing every word to the delight of Alex. It is super catchy and I memorized it fast. I had a blast. I give Alex a ride home and then drive back to my place late and pass out. I needed this week. This feels like a big moment for my growth comedically. 

So that’s it folks. We are all caught up finally. WOOO HOOOO. Yall’re the kindest laydees who have ever lived and I love you so much. Check out the Lunch Boiyz on Youtube! XOXO love you

[doubleddenden]

I posted 12,082 times in 2021

3427 posts created (28%)

8655 posts reblogged (72%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.5 posts.

I added 5,724 tags in 2021

#toonami - 3368 posts

#food wars - 472 posts

#black clover - 422 posts

#nart - 369 posts

#mha - 258 posts

#fire force - 216 posts

#fena: pirate princess - 167 posts

#yashahime - 161 posts

#harley quinn - 147 posts

#demon slayer - 144 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#idk i'll like write your thesis or be the pretend boyfriend or honorary big brother that gives advice in exchange for some health insurance

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

"God hasn't been part of the world of science for 10 billion years"

12 year old Edward Elric has a rival for cocky edgy anime angsty atheist

122 notes • Posted 2021-05-16 05:19:52 GMT

#4

A legendary Japanese sword???

El Dorado?

Joan of Arc?

Eden???

German accents?

This show is literally going everywhere

147 notes • Posted 2021-09-12 04:11:24 GMT

#3

I've seen some dead bodies in anime, but that was somehow one of the deadest bodies I've seen in a long time

158 notes • Posted 2021-09-19 04:19:56 GMT

#2

"I thought you three are close?"

Bakugo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Todoroki: We're best friends

Bakugo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

328 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 04:37:49 GMT

#1

After my last post from 2019 started blowing up again, I think it's time to reassess the timeline in 2021 so far as of late September to see wtf is going on

Ahem

Nintendo is teaming up with the guys behind Despicable Me to make a Mario movie, and not only are casting Charles Matinet as every other character than the ones he voices, but casted Chris Pratt as Mario, Charlie Day as Luigi, Seth Rogan as Donkey Kong, and Jack Black as Bowser, and everyone hated it (with exception to Jack)

Sonic has another movie on the way after a decent success on the first one, Idris Elba is Knuckles, and everyone loves it

In pokemon, we have not just one Sinnoh Remake, but a remake and a prequel in the works. Both do not look how fans intended

Digimon had a live script reading for Tamers wherein they had to fight political correctness and cancel culture. The director of this critically aclaimed series apparently fell very deep into conspiracy theories and you can read his descent via his blog

Tobyfox gave us another chapter of Deltarune and it's either a chucklefest of explosions, gay, gamer, and *big shots*, or deeply disturbing on a level only this maniac can provide

There is consideration to release a new cut of TLoTR that lasts a WEEK

Taco bell has a chicken sandwich now. A chicken sandwich taco that is neither sandwich nor taco (but decent)

People are injecting themselves with horse medicine for parasites, and this medicine makes you shit yourself and can leave you impotent. This instead of taking free FDA approved vaccines to help prevent and/or weaken a virus that can kill you and/or make you impotent.

Nikki Minaj refuses the vaccine because her cousin's friend allegedly took it and their balls swelled up, because that couldn't be anything else that's been reported, like an STD

We still have assholes advocating for body autonomy when it comes to vaccines but in the same breath scream demands to take away abortion rights and they see no irony

Why the resistance still? They are afraid of being tracked with microchips and 5g. Yet find no irony in driver's licenses, social security numbers, passports, medical files, dental files, and tax records being available for everyone, let alone Facebook and other social media sites collecting and selling their personal data. They think that each of them are that important that the government would invest millions into tracking them personally when its already incredibly easy to

Batman has a webcomic about all the bats and Robins and such, and it is wholesome as shit

One of the best writers Doctor Who has ever had is coming back to the helm after being replaced for years

There was a literal 3d virtual concert for Pokemon starring Post Malone, who sang about cowboys making him cry and how he was "only in it for the sex" as a majestic Lugia flew by

21 Pilots had a virtual concert of their own in god damn ROBLOX

Speaking of virtual, there was a virtual museum to the Civil Rights Movement added to... *checks notes*... Fortnite.

Kirby is actually going to have a 3d game. Not just 2.5D, like Mario Odyssey 3d.

The first billionaire went to space after underpaying his employees and leaving them with terrible work environments, and bragged about it on live TV in a cowboy hat, and not only did he not break the atmosphere, he unfortunately came back

There's apparently a 3d MLP movie that talks about xenophobia, propaganda, and historical revisionism. Idk I just found out too

Rugrats is back and Stu is a gamer

iCarly is back and Carly and Freddie were propositioned for a threesome

Drake Bell was convicted of child endangerment

Josh Peck is Turner in a Turner and Hooch reboot and is thriving

Flip phones are back in a weird way

We had attempts to violently overthrow our government this year and the organizers are just out playing golf and planning sedition like it's just another Monday

Ted Cruz liked porn on his Twitter account publicly. Again.

Grimes and Musk split up, still no word on his plans for real life cat girls

Star Wars. Is anime now. Which is awesome

See the full post

496 notes • Posted 2021-09-27 22:53:39 GMT

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