#and then he let himself have more because Neil would never take more than andrew was willing to give.

[coffeeco001]

How often do you think Andrew considers Neil? And I don't mean considers his feelings or personality, I mean considers Neil's place in Andrew's life. This meticulous calculating man who keeps everyone at arms length, let a stranger into his life and in his arms. He let his Neil into doors that were not just locked shut, but barred and decorated with knives and fury.

How often do you think Andrew stares at Neil and thinks "What do I want from him, what do I need from him? How do I make him stay? What can I give him? What can he give me?"

Neil can't give Andrew everything. He can't give him the world on a silver platter and he can't give Andrew the answer to all his problems.

But he can give Andrew unshakeable trust, a safe place where one day, Andrew knows deep down, he can just be.

And that would be everything to Andrew. Someone he can rely on, someone he can let in that wouldn't hurt him. He'd have someone to wait with a light on for Andrew to come home.

Andrew's willing to create new rules for Neil, and open those barred doors. He's willing to consider Neil's place in his life and make adjustments to his rules set in stone, because Neil is an enigma in Andrew's life. A semantic error. Neil is something Andrew could never have calculated or prepared for. So he prepares with him instead. Andrew would give anything to keep that until the day Neil changes his mind.

[allfortheslay25]

Any sweet bonding moments between Neil and Milo?

Milo’s Future spoilers!

Have a crumb of one of my favorite Neil and Milo bonding moments :)

Chapter snippet/draft:

The drive to an abandoned lot shouldn’t have made Neil as nervous as he felt. Andrew had been cryptic about why he expected the two Jostens to meet him there, and this was the first alone time the two have had since their talk. Neil glanced over to Milo, silent and tense in the passenger. He kept his face pressed against the window, blond curls fluffing over his eyebrows as he stiffly folded his arms over his lap. Neil had been horribly surprised by the color change. Andrew and the rest of the Foxes tried to convince him to let it go. Milo was a teenager now and teens experimented all the time.

It’s his body. Andrew had told him. He won’t want you telling him he can’t do what he wants with it.

So Neil let the matter drop. Until a week later when he showed up home with pierced ears. Neil put his foot down and calmly—maybe slightly loudly—told Milo he wasn’t allowed to make any more of these ‘changes’ with his body. The conversation didn’t last long civilly. Some things were said and some people—not that Neil was naming Milo—broke a kitchen chair.

Neil sighed deeply. He didn’t know if he preferred Milo’s outbursts or his silence. When Milo went nonverbal, it was almost as if he was ceasing to exist. Neil never could tell if he was eating, doing his homework, volunteering at the cat shelter, or even breathing anymore. He was a ghost in their house.

Once the lot came into view, Neil parked and searched for his phone. He was checking the backseat when the car shook with the force of the slamming door. Neil sat up and furrowed his brow at Milo who leaned against the Mas in silence. Neil went back to searching when it began to ring and call out to him under his seat.

When the phone was in hand, Neil flipped it open and answered Andrew.

“We’re here.” Neil said, glancing at Milo. The boy had grown tall, standing at a good 5’9 without a means to stop there. Neil hoped this growth spurt would finalize before he was fifteen, he didn’t think he could take Milo gaining a couple inches more.

“I’m pulling up.” Andrew replied and clicked on him before Neil could ask what he meant.

The answer came to Neil when a steel gray Camaro came speeding into the lot. The car was brand new with features sharper than a knife. Neil knew nothing about cars other than what they looked like and which ones he had used to get away back in the day. One look from this car told Neil it was fast, probably faster than the Mas.

Milo was standing in front of it now in confusion, watching as Andrew got out, leaving it running. Neil couldn’t hear what they were saying when Andrew tossed Milo the keys, the boy beginning to grin ear to ear. Neil rolled the window down quickly just as Milo flung himself at Andrew and hugged him.

“You bought him a car!?” He exclaimed.

Milo was giddily checking out the inside of the Camaro now, adjusting the seat and mirrors to his liking. Andrew watched him with a nonchalant expression, but Neil knew Andrew by now to know he was avoiding him.

“Andrew.” Neil called.

The man faced him then. He held Neil’s eyes before clicking his tongue and shuffling over to him. Neil glared as he leaned against the window, trying to seem guiltless.

Andrew watched Neil before flicking him on the chin. “Don’t give me that look, Rabbit.” Neil was not giving him a look, Andrew was just being insufferable right now. “I taught him to drive.” He defended, putting his hand in his pocket.

Neil glanced at the hand, understanding Andrew’s childish expression of restraint. Neil wouldn’t let him try to soften him up anyway. He stared Andrew down until the blond lost the battle.

He admitted dryly, “He’s been in a mood.”

“That doesn’t mean you buy him a car.” Neil hissed.

“You bought me a car when I was in a mood.”

“I didn’t do it because you were in a mood—”

“Hey, Dad!” Milo called, pulling the Camaro in beside the Maserati so Andrew was sandwiched in the middle. His eyes shimmered with a fire that wasn’t his usual anger and bitterness but something all the more contagious.

The Camaro roared at the Mas and Neil felt the unspoken words boil the blood under his flesh. He gripped the steering wheel and felt a grin of his own pulling at his face.

“Drew,” Neil began, taking the Maserati out of park. Milo pressed on the gas, revving the engine in anticipation. “We’ll be back soon.”

Neil didn’t bother glancing at Andrew’s confused glance before he was speeding after Milo’s Camaro, a few steps ahead of the Maserati.

They pushed the cars as far as they could, Neil taking a few seconds to watch Milo as the boy laughed, but then he’d leave Neil in the dust again. The race had them dangerously navigating the streets as they bobbed and weaved through cars. Neil at one point drifted loudly through a gas station just to catch up, almost crashing into the steel Camaro before Milo swerved away, laughing loud into the wind. By the time they were driving back to the lot, Neil could tell he was truly beat. The Maserati was a decade too old to keep up and Milo drove like Andrew did; wild and unbothered by attention or danger.

They both came to a screeching end in the positions they had before they left. Andrew hadn’t moved from his spot and was staring at the two of them in disbelief.

“What the fuck?”

Neil glanced at Milo in time to laugh alongside him. Milo smiled wide, his face glowing as his pupils dilated from the high boost of adrenaline. If not for his hands stiffly glued to the wheel, he was sure he’d float away from the high he was riding right now.

Andrew leaned into the window. Neil grinned at the want burning in his lover’s eyes. Andrew looked close to kissing him right here and then. Instead, he pushed Neil’s face away.

“Don’t leave me behind next time, asshole.”

Neil couldn’t stop smiling. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Milo moved out of the Camaro to come by the two of them. “Well, Dad, I won. How does it feel to come in second place?”

“Sassy little shit.” Neil muttered.

Milo put a hand around his ear. “Sorry? I didn’t hear that. I think I’d have to stoop to your level to communicate.”

“You only won because your car is new.”

Milo smirked, as if waiting for Neil to say just that. He tossed his keys onto his lap.

“You’re about to eat those words.” Milo said.

Neil snatched them up, getting out of the Maserati and pulling Andrew alongside him into the Camaro. When both of them were situated, they stared the other down.

“Ready to be bested again?” Milo taunted.

“Focus on the road.” Neil replied. And then they were off.

They raced a total of 10 times. 6 - 4 Milo’s favor. Milo proceeded to race Andrew three more times afterward, getting his ass handed to him each time. He was incapable of matching Andrew’s reckless energy.

The end

[ninyard]

I would absolutely love to see something about Betsy and Andrew post Easthaven!

a lil snippet of bee and andrews first session after easthaven that i dont want to get long as hell but will probably end up that way anyway??? (tw drake/thanksgiving/easthaven you know the drill)

-

It was a Wednesday, as it had been a thousand times before, and at ten to the hour Betsy thought about her first session with Andrew.

She thought about his humourless laugh, and how he'd dramatically left the room less than twenty minutes into the session. She remembered how he smelled like stale tobacco and smoke, how he smiled at her, and pushed her limits.

Betsy thought about the second time she met Andrew, the third time, the fourth time. How he'd slowly started to crack himself open and let her in, how he'd allowed himself to trust again.

Betsy thought about their last session before the holidays.

Talking about his family had always been a sore spot for Andrew, uncharted territory most of the time, with far too many boundaries and ‘do-not-talk-about’s to be worth exploring further. They had dipped their toes in on a handful of occasions, tense discussions more often than not shut down as soon as Andrew felt the conversation becoming too close.

They’d made progress, that being said - they’d spent that last session before the holidays speaking about one of the last times Andrew had seen his cousin’s family in person. How interested he was in seeing how their dinner would pan out, about how he couldn’t wait to see the look on Neil’s face when he realised what he’d gotten them into.

(Betsy would not forget Neil’s face for quite some time; stoic, unbothered, with blood on his clothes and no emotions other than Andrew, Andrew, Andrew.)

At five minutes to the hour, Andrew swung open the door with a room-shaking bang. Betsy waited for him to sit down, but he stood there for a moment too long, watching her, and only when Betsy fixed her glasses did she see why.

Betsy had never met this Andrew before.

His eyes did not have much behind them, and it startled her to read his emotionless expression. This didn’t even look like him - it looked more like Aaron, the brother who did not speak, who did not sport the same medicated smile that Andrew had for over a year. It didn't take long for her to realise it was the absence of that medicated smile that made him look so wrong; it was as natural on Andrew's face as the clouds were in the sky. Him stepping into her office without it was as if he'd stepped through the door with a new hair colour, or piercing, or a bizarrely colourful outfit he'd never worn before.

“Andrew,” Betsy smiled. At her voice, he shut the door to her office behind him, and made his way over to the couch at the back end of the room. “We’re overdue a few formalities - happy New Year, for a start.”

He didn’t respond while she made their usual cocoas, and so she filled the silence with meaningless chatter, things that she knew he didn’t care about, but were words nonetheless. She got a better look at him as she placed his mug down, and caught his eyes, glued to her, waiting, watching. Perhaps the light was playing tricks on her, but he had subtle yellow marks on the skin of his face where bruises had faded to almost nothing.

“I don’t think it’s what you want to hear but I’ll ask it anyway,” Betsy checked her seat was clear before sitting down. “How are you feeling? It’s really great to see you.”

It was impossible to tell if the pause that followed was Andrew’s hesitation or reluctance. Was he not speaking because he had nothing to say, or because he didn’t know what to say at all? It was not Betsy’s place to fill that silence, either. If any session were important to hand him the reigns, this was it. He had to do this himself.

It was ten minutes, or an hour later before he spoke. “They shouldn’t have called you.”

“When?” Betsy asked after a pause. When he didn’t answer, she continued cautiously, “In Columbia?”

His lack of a response was response enough. His dead stare, his tired eyes emphasised by un-creased cheeks, his smile nothing more than a hard line across his lips.

“They had no choice,” she said, calm and measured. “You know they had to. You know why they had to."

"They shouldn't have."

Betsy had spent over a year trying to understand Andrew, to figure out whether his smile was genuine or chemically manufactured, trying to figure out what he meant when he spoke in riddles. They'd reached a point of understanding, a point in their therapeutic relationship where she could read him well enough to know what he needed her to say. This felt like square one again. This felt like trying to read a completely new patient.

"Why?" Betsy asked, and she tilted her head ever so gently when he looked her way. "What would you have preferred them to do?"

Andrew paused, and was slow to look away before he spoke.

"I don't know."

It was quiet, and there was something else in the room, something in his voice. Something that told Betsy he meant it. He didn't know. He didn't know what had really happened to him, he didn't know who he was anymore, he didn't know why he didn't want them to call the only person who truly understood, because all of it was far too real. Betsy being there only made it official.

"Talk to me," She said, careful not to change her tone, careful to avoid falling back into the typical therapist mode that Andrew had always despised. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Andrew stared at the wall for a moment before finally moving himself into a more comfortable position, taking off his shoes slower than he usually would, tucking them up beneath him on the couch. He shut his eyes for just a second, and then turned his gaze on Betsy.

"Why did you do it?" He asked, and Betsy felt her stomach bottom out. "Why Easthaven?"

"We agreed on it." She said slowly, trying to hide the defensiveness in her voice, trying to hide the fear that an unmedicated Andrew had started to regret his decision to come off them. "I told you why-"

"That's not what I'm asking." He interrupted with a gentle shake of his head.

When they'd spoken about it, it'd been a messy scrapbook page of pasted reasonings and a scribbled out pros and cons list. There were several different truths as to why Betsy pushed for it, a truth that had been hard for others to understand, but a truth that Neil seemed to understand the best.

"Tell me why." She offered. "Why is that something you want me to answer, when you already know?"

"Because I need to hear it without all the noise."

Easthaven had always been the plan - it was difficult to concisely explain the choice as to pull forward Andrew's timeline of events, but it was something Betsy had had to explain over and over again. To her superiors, to the boards in Easthaven, the courts and parole officers that didn't understand it at all. It had been almost hardest to explain it to Andrew himself, bruised and bloody after a night of retraumatisation and a concussion that left him barely able to focus, who's only coping mechanism was to make jokes to cover the fear that he hadn't even been allowed to feel.

Betsy took a deep breath and took off her glasses before saying, "Do you remember laughing?"

Andrew looked away as quickly as the words had left her mouth. She couldn't read his face well enough to tell if he was remembering, or if he couldn't remember at all. It was a silly question though, she thought, knowing how crystal clear Andrew's memory had always been, but perhaps she wondered whether between the haze of withdrawals and events of that night had led his reaction to become somehow buried amongst it all.

Andrew had kept his past a secret for so long, even to her, that he'd nearly given it his own statute of limitations in a way - nothing can be done about it now. Betsy had promised not to pursue any legal action, perhaps against the protocols she was required to follow, for the sake of his honesty way back in the beginning. For the sake of his openness, Betsy was willing to do anything. Andrew had allowed enough time and distance to pass before he handed over even the tiniest of details about the abuse he'd faced as a child. Enough time had passed that he felt as though they were nothing more than stories. Drake would never be in his life again, whether it be for justice or for some sort of closure, so, to him it felt safe to talk about. Any time he'd found his way into a conversation, the son of the mother that could've been, it was obvious how much it bothered Andrew to talk about it; the way his eyes glazed over recounting the details, the way even the mention of his name stilled him as if he were a mannequin on display. But Drake alone was far enough away from the Andrew that sat in her office months beforehand, and he felt like it was okay to divulge the truth.

But against all odds, Drake had come back.

He'd found Andrew, he'd put his hands on him, an adult now, more capable of fighting back, but still in Andrew's eyes he'd won again. It had been funny to him, the night of, that after so many years he'd finally, naively, stupidly allowed himself to feel safe. He had stopped looking over his shoulder each and every night before he got into bed. He had spoken Drake's name freely in a therapeutic setting without fear of repercussion. Yet he had looked him in the eyes again. Yet he'd felt like that child all over again, and years and years of progress were destroyed in an instant.

And Andrew laughed.

A terrible sound, a joke in the face of shock and trauma, a flick of his wrist as if the bruises that circled it were not enough to tell him that this was not to be brushed away. Betsy remembered sitting across from him that night as if it had been only the night before. She remembered the awful sound of his hoarse laugh as well as she remembered the painfully long drive from her sisters home to Columbia. She remembered it almost as well as the foggy conversation she'd had with Abby over the phone.

She looked across that room at him now, his demeanor that of a stranger, and sighed.

Why had she done it?

For him. Anything else was irrelevant - the season, the courts and their mandated recovery timeline, the opinions of anyone who thought they understood. All of it had been for him.

To keep him alive.

To keep him safe.

"I'll tell you," Betsy lifted up the cocoa she'd sat on the table between them, to rest her lips on the warm ceramic. Andrew watched her as she spoke, and she watched his chest rise and fall after a purposeful deep breath. "But Andrew, I need you to let me finish."

[deeppenguinstudent]

I don't think we talk about kevjean in the banquets enough

Kevin is soft with Jean's name in his mouth. Jean had to smile at Kevin to taunt him at the bequest of Riko, probably to show faux hatred towards Kevin for leaving the Ravens so no one catches on what exactly he felt for Kevin. Happiness he left Riko and could finally prove he was better but bitterness because he left Jean there in the Nest, knowing damn well what Riko would have done to him.

The fact that both of them stared at each other with nothing to say. Kevin and Jean, who used to never have enough time to finish conversations and never sat in silence in the Nest when they were alone, turned into strangers overnight. They had to wait until Riko was away to actually indulge in meaningful conversation that was so rare yet grounding for both of them in the Nest.

Jean was probably forcing himself to tear his eyes away from Kevin as he spoke to Neil and let his eyes roam when Riko was distracted in antagonising the Foxes.

This was probably something he was forced to say. Do you think Riko made Jean do the talking first because he maybe knew that Kevin had a soft spot for him? The You won't stay might be referring to how Kevin wouldn't stay with the Foxes, but I like that it also implies that Jean maybe still has some hope that Kevin would come back to them, to him. It sounds like most of his words are straight from Riko, but you can see the underlying plea in Jean's words.

He antagonizes Andrew mainly because he doesn't understand why Kevin would leave him for Andrew. He doesn't understand their relationship, and it gnaws at him that maybe Kevin meant much more to him than he ever did to Kevin. He's reminded of how Kevin used French against him and wonders whether their little tryst was nothing but a closed off street at Kevin's end. Spiralling, Jean allows himself to unfold and spit out his venom and jealousy to the Foxes; particularly the one that stole Kevin away from him.

This is arguably my favourite scene in the second banquet. Although it's short, it really puts into perspective their entire relationship within like 2 paragraphs. (That's reaching but you get what I mean.)

First off, let's talk about how Jean doesn't register Riko's words at first. He doesn't respond to 'Take Kevin and leave us'. I believe this is because previously, Riko would rather tear his own hand off than allow Jean and Kevin to be in the same room alone without Riko. So this comes as a shock for him. It's a fleeting moment, and he thinks he probably just imagined Riko's words.

Seized is a strong word, and I believe it speaks a lot at how desperate Jean was to even converse with Kevin in the banquet at all. Perhaps he gave a wide berth because he half expected Riko to strike him down for even attempting to seize Kevin and take him away. Seized literally means he forcibly pulled Kevin's arm towards him, and Kevin did not budge. He didn't complain, grunt out, or even do anything as he let Jean grab his arm. (I can just imagine Jean with his chest pressed against Kevin's arm speedwalking away, and I find it so adorably heartbreaking)

Jean also moves as fast as he can, showing that he wants to get away as soon as possible with Riko far, far behind them. He wants alone time with Kevin. He just wants to talk to him without the Ravens or Foxes breathing down his neck.

I genuinely wonder what Kevin would be thinking at this moment. What would he feel as the boy he left behind the Nest is taking him by the arm and pulling away from his abuser; this time, when he leaves, Jean was with him. Does he think about how easy it is to just leave with Jean beside him? Does he also want to grab onto Jean and not let go of fear of what Riko would do to him when Kevin is not there? Can he feel Jean's body heat as a stupid reminder that he's still alive and not bleeding out from Riko's scars?

Jean, going still at Dan and Matt's approach, could also signify that he fully expected to be punished for even latching himself onto Kevin, like Kevin was a sin he was foolish enough to be addicted to. I just want to know Dan and Matt's expression as they see Jean grasping onto Kevin so tightly, like, what do they see? Do they see Riko's dog doing it's masters bidding, or do they see Jean for who he is; a boy irrevocably in love with someone he can never ever have. A boy so desperate that even few seconds in the banquet keeps him going for a few days after.

Jean grasping onto Kevin could honestly mean a multitude of things, but I like to see it as Jean finally understanding that Kevin is not meant to be in evermore, isn't meant to be a comforting solace patching up his wounds when his thumbs were broken and unable to stitch himself up. But Jean still wanted to be selfish. He wanted to be in Kevin's life. He wanted Kevin to see him as Jean Moreau, a hopeless boy in love with the only person that ever gave him care. Not Jean Moreau of Perfect Court, number 3 the country's greatest backliner because Kevin only saw him on the court after he left evermore. So he stubbornly clung onto Kevin as his past as his future, aka the Foxes, came to collect his due from Jean; essentially handing over the one thing that kept him going throughout the Nest.

And I find it cute that Matt and Dan didn't shoo Jean off. They let him stay with Kevin. Maybe because they could see the tragedy in his eyes or the way Kevin was calm and placcid beside him, which was weird because Kevin gets anxious literally around EVERY Raven.

[jamiesshelves]

Parts of TSC I can't stop thinking about (after my first read)

Jean having a few minutes before Riko got to him and using it to text Renee a warning. NOT asking her to help him. But warning her. Probably to protect Kevin and Neil more than himself.

Jean viewing himself as a captive with Wymack and Abby

Jean calling Neil Nathaniel until that sudden switch (just like when Neil thought of himself as Nathaniel)

Jean being the same age as Neil, so one of the youngest characters we know

Jean worshipping Thea and her calling him Paris

Jean throwing out Andrew's candy

Jean roasting Aaron for being unimportant even with a murder investigation going on

Renee giving Jean forehead kisses

"Right person, wrong time"

Jean taking Renee's picture and it being the only picture he has

The way the world perceives Riko as a martyr after his death

The way the world brushes aside that he almost killed Neil on live TV

"The only one close enough was andrew"

Jean reaching towards the TV as if he could save Neil and wanting him and Andrew to run

Jeremy being brunette through the events of TFC

The Trojans being okay with their plan for the foxes game because they knew they'd lose to the ravens eventually anyway

Jeremy living at home and having an estranged family situation

Jeremy having a butler he loves and trusts more than his family

BarkBark

Jean's promise to Kevin

Jean calling Kevin a "beautiful boy"

Both Jean and Jeremy trusting Kevin whole heartedly

Kevin giving truths about the nest to Jeremy

Kevin admitting to sticking to Andrew like glue because he didn't know how to be by himself after the nest

The coaches concern as they realize the way raven coaches treated Jean

The rumors about Jean and that Neil never thought of them

Jean being confirmed a bi king and simping over everyone except canon beautiful Neil

Jean probably not simping after Neil because he's the partner that could've been, aka a brother/safe space he never got

Jean not realizing why top surgery scars, and his abuse scars, would be seen differently

Jean not understanding why Trojans can pick their own clothes, food, majors, etc

Andrew letting Neil go to the FBI in California without him because he trusts his runaway to come back

Neil's immediate response to hearing about Greyson is hiring a hitman

Neil sassing the FBI

"I guess Drake wasn't a biter"

Neil telling Jean he can lock his door if it makes him feel safe but he doesn't have to worry anymore

Cat wanting to teach Jean to ride a motorcycle

"Kevin has earned the right to be"

Jean being afraid to ever teach anyone French again

Jeremy hiding from the police

Elodie

"That's putting it mildly." WHAT THE FUCK STUART.

Jean's list.

Jean still texting Renee

The reason the Trojans stay so positive

"I'm not safe with you anymore"

The parallels between Jean and Neil

Jean thinking he never got anything he didn't deserve

Jean only having a carry on bag like Neil

Wymack giving Jean money and his note

The Trojans giving Jean forehead kisses

Jeremy being into Jean but wanting to allow Jean to be able to heal first

Honestly more but this is enough for now lol

[film-in-my-soul]

Sweet Enough to Eat | 3,160 | Fortheloveofexy / @fortheloveofexy

Summary: Neil is cute and Andrew has a crisis. That's it, thats the fic.

A different kind of attack | 3,351 | amidsthechaos

Summary: Neil teaches a secret self-defense class and Andrew shows up one day, never expecting to learn a thing and much less feel a thing.

Falling | 3,517 | Fortheloveofexy / @fortheloveofexy

Summary: He'd known all along that Andrew didn't care about him. It was part of the allure, what made Andrew a safe choice to experiment with. Andrew's apathy would protect him from getting hurt, and Neil's own feelings were little more than an afterthought. He wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of getting attached once he was dead, after all. Except, here he is. Not dead, and thoroughly, undeniably attached. He needs to tell Andrew. 

head case (what to do with you) | 4,007 | Major_816

Summary: It bolsters him now. Because Andrew’s in the hospital and this medical fuck with an incompetency problem won’t let Neil in to see him. Andrew gets hurt and Neil...handles it.

(see more recommendations below!)

One Hundred | 4,553 | TheRainbowElectric / @agreatperhaps12

Summary: The most shocking thing about the sight of Neil is how still he is. Andrew has seen Neil bloodied and bruised before. But even beaten to a pulp and beyond exhausted, Neil talks and twitches and kicks in his sleep, restless fucker. Now, Neil’s only signs of life are the shallow rise and fall of his chest and the steady beep of the heart monitor beside his bed. That’s all Andrew has to hold onto as he drags a chair from beside the window to the gap between Neil’s bed and the door and sits down.

lucid prayers | 4,914 | andreil

Summary: Neil makes it out of Baltimore alive. Unfortunately, so does his father.

backstage (the world is yours) | 5,011 | Major_816

Summary: The best part about the light room is that it’s dark. Andrew likes it that way. It’s also far the fuck away from the bullshit of the actual stage. It doesn’t hurt that the only person with a direct line to him—ignoring the times when Aaron actually shows up to run sound or when Jean’s done haunting the second stage where the seniors are rehearsing—is Neil.  It’s always Neil, isn’t it?

Blood Spilled (But None Wasted) | 19,531 | Detective4

Summary: Neil licked his lips and Andrew’s gaze tracked the movement with the efficiency of a predator. Neil glanced at the fangs again, then down to his bare forearm, then to the fuzzy carpet that laid under the coffee table. “Neil,” Andrew’s voice was firm, demanding complete attention. Neil met his eyes once again, encapsulated, “You can say no.” Neil shook his head lightly. Took a deep breath. “I want to,” And he was surprised that he wasn’t lying.

Follow You Through The Dark | 22,461 | sambutwithbooks

Summary: “Don’t say no-” “No.” “Andrew-” Aaron shakes the paper a little in frustration before composing himself. “It’s a quiz bowl. Basic trivia. It runs for five consecutive weekends and there’s a prize at the end. I need you and your sponge brain to help me win.” His brother has asked him for many things since Bee had pulled Andrew aside to tell him he had a doppelganger wandering around San Jose, California causing trouble but this might be the dumbest thing Aaron has ever asked him to do.

that one flower shop au by moody_lesbian

2 Part Series | Rated G | Total Words: 2,794

Part 1 Summary: “I brought you this.” Andrew continued to stare at him for another moment until his eyes slid from Neil’s and to the slightly crushed daisy in Neil’s hand. “What is it?” Nervously, Neil itched to take his hand back. ��A promise.”

the foxhole - coffee shop au by jaylocked

2 Part Series | Rated T | Total Words: 7,003

Part 1 Summary: Neil collects the cup a moment later, almost absently, as he thinks back to the nightmare that had started his day. He takes a sip, planning to turn away, and is almost assaulted by the sheer quantity of sugar in his drink. Who knew coffee could taste that sweet? It’s disgusting. Neil looks back to Andrew, who is once more leveling a blank gaze at him, hazel eyes deeply unimpressed. Neil quirks an eyebrow, confused. It’s definitely not worth it to say anything. After all, it’s been engrained in him not to draw attention to himself, to order whatever is blandest and least interesting, to get in and out best he can. He can feel the weight of Andrew’s gaze on his back as he leaves the cafe, but he tries to ignore it.

Excerpts From The Rooftop by loveandwarandmagick

2 Part Series | Unrated + Rated G | Total Words: 9,012

Part 1 Summary: Andrew is an English major coming down from his drugs, spending his nights on the rooftop while everyone's asleep. What he suspected was a hallucination, a side-effect, follows him up there, and doesn't disappear even after he gets sober. This is troubling. It's even more troubling that Neil wants to listen to him. The worst part is probably that Andrew finds himself wanting - the truth, to give his own, to see if Neil wants more than that. Or, the non-mafia au where the only impending doom is the height of the roof, and the fact that talking to Neil makes him feel like he's standing at the edge of the drop.

no love without teeth by moonsock

2 Part Series | Rated M+E | Total Words: 9,508

Part 1 Summary: Neil’s legs kick a little faster. “What better way to avoid being outed as a vampire than to join a vampire slaying agency?” Andrew actually stops chewing at that. “You get stupider every day.”

New Tricks by likearecord

2 Part Series | Rated T & M | Total Words: 27,784

Part 1 Summary: Kevin, Neil, and Allison are grad students, roommates, and obviously best friends. One fortuitous day, Kevin meets a short, knife-wielding blond guy in the library and brings him home to meet the short, knife-wielding redhead he lives with. If only Neil knew what having a crush felt like before this happened.

High School Science by fuzzballsheltiepants / @fuzzballsheltiepants

4 Part Series | Rated T+E | Total Words: 29,926

Part 1 Summary: Andrew's unfairly hot chemistry lab partner needs a date for the prom to appease his uncle. Andrew agrees...for a fee.

Inside Your Mind by moonix / @annawrites

2 Part Series | Rated E | Total Words: 42,414

Part 1 Summary: Andrew and Neil switching phones by accident brings them closer together than either of them anticipated.

TFC High School AU by moonix / @annawrites

4 Part Series | Rated T + M | Total Words: 50,786

Part 1 Summary: After his mother's death Neil Josten just needs to keep his head down until graduation, then he's going to leave this town and identity behind like all the others and start over somewhere new. There's a small hitch in his plans though: his deal to protect Andrew from bullies in exchange for some quiet company.

Tales From Foxhole Aquarium by Fortheloveofexy / @fortheloveofexy

3* Part Series | Rated E | Total Words: 88,897

Part 1 Summary: Neil Josten stares at the large building in front of him, his mouth twisted into a small frown. Yesterday, Browning had handed him a manila folder containing his new name, his new life. Included in that file had been a note, the same slightly crumpled note he’s holding in his hand now, with the name of his new employer. Foxhole Aquarium. Ask for David Wymack.

*Part 3 incomplete

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[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 34

PREV

Sometimes when you have bad anxiety it’s hard to judge how scary something actually is.

FF breaks into a cold sweat practicing his order in line at fast food places. FF shakes with nerves at the prospect of asking about where a certain building was on campus from a stranger. FF’s stomach twisted into knots when he thought Andrew was leading him to his death in the basement of Eden’s. It’s hard when everything in life feels like the scariest and most impossible thing you’ll ever have to deal with.

Still, FF had felt like he had been getting braver. Had felt like he might be getting just a bit better in regard to confronting his fears.

He’d been getting better.

He managed to laugh with the cashier when he ordered combo number two-teen instead of twelve before break. He had asked for directions to the nearest bathroom from a stranger when one of Kevin’s shakes had gone straight through him. He had even gone down into the basement with Andrew and realized he had friends.

Looking at Daniel makes that progress feel far away.

His stepbrother’s name tastes like ash in his mouth.

“I just want to talk.” Daniel says raising his hands up placatingly. “We’re family.” Daniel says pointing between himself and FF.

“We’re not family and I don’t want to talk.” FF says because they aren’t, and he doesn’t. Daniel is one of the top two people in the entire world he doesn’t want to talk to ever.

“There’s your answer, now leave.” Captain Neil dismisses Daniel who still has his hands up.

“C’mon talk to me. We’re brothers John.” Daniel says and FF feels his entire body tense at the name.

“John?” Nicky looks back at him in confusion.

“That’s not my name.” FF hears himself say more than he consciously says it. “It was never my name.” he swallows tart cherry flavored bile. It really was one of Kevin’s better smoothies and FF would feel terrible if he puked it up. The world sways as he tries to breathe through the nausea of hearing Daniel call him by that name again.

He changed it the second he turned 18 last March. He’d signed his contract as a Smith not a Stanton. He would never let someone take it from him again even if hearing his first name still made his heart ache.

He feels Kevin’s hand on the center of his back steadying him and maybe he is swaying and not the world. Kevin takes the smoothie out of his hands before he can drop it.

Nicky must see something too because his friend abandoned the front line to steady him with an arm around his shoulders. He thinks he sees Captain Neil take his place.

“Of course, it was! It’s the name our dad gave you.” Daniel says and FF’s stomach cramps at the thought. “He’s still hurt that you changed it and that you haven’t reached out. Do you know what it’s like to find out your brother was hurt during a press conference?” Daniel asks and FF can see how he’s going for the sympathy card here looking at the others.

It’s his usual tactic.

“Fred is not my dad. You, Lucas, and Greg are not my brothers.” FF can feel a headache coming on along with the stomach cramps. He wishes that Aaron had let him restock on Pepto because the tart cherries maybe aren’t the best thing at the moment.

Daniel has always been the worst part of his stepfamily.

Greg had been a physical bully. Lucas had always followed Greg’s lead. Fred hadn’t looked at him more than he had to from the very moment that FF had made it clear that he did not appreciate the 13th birthday gift of ‘a new name’ and still intended to spend time with his grandmother. His mother had been distant for ages, but he always felt her watchful gaze making sure he did not step out of line, did not give her an excuse to put him back on the medication that left him as a zombie.

Daniel was different.

Daniel wanted things to be a certain way, but he wasn’t like his father or his brothers. He didn’t force FF to change, didn’t bully him into accepting a name that he had never wanted, and never let on to the fact that he was watching.

They’re the same age. Daniel had come to him like he could be a friend something he had been in short supply of after his two years of being little more than a medicated zombie. Daniel had gotten close; Daniel had pretended to actually care and acted like he only wanted what was best for FF.

It might have even worked.

If FF wasn’t such a loyal grandson.

Daniel had tried to poison the well between him and Gran, had tried to tell him that he needed to leave her behind and be happy in his new family.

FF had been stalwart.

Then Daniel had gone after his Gran and FF dislocated his thumb punching him.

“You don’t touch her.” He had said seeing Daniel for what he was for the first time. He saw a monster where a friend used to be but he had told this monster all of his secrets, all of his weaknesses, and had given him ammo.

Daniel came off as sweet and caring. He was athletic. He was a good friend. He was smart.

He was just also evil and made sure that FF suffered every single day they lived together because FF saw that evil in him when no one else had.

More than anything FF had been happy to bid him farewell when he’d signed his legal name on the contract to Palmetto State University’s Exy Team.

Just the sight of him brought up bad memories.

“No brother here to talk to it seems.” Captain Neil says.

“Bye Daniel. Kevin and Aaron, you two can walk back.” Andrew says and FF feels hands on his shoulders and found himself being steered towards the Maserati and FF stiffened instantly at the sight of it. “Smith?” Andrew questions.

FF had been doing better.

Screaming and pointing.

A hand reaching.

A sharp swerve.

Blood in his eyes and smoke in his lungs.

“I’m scared.”

Tiny hands in his.

“It’s going to be okay; I promise.”

Waking up to his grandma holding his hand in the hospital.

He’d been getting better.

“See, you’re still upset over what that guy did. Why are you clinging to the last name of the guy that did this to you?” Daniel asks from behind him, “He almost killed mom and you. He did kill our two-“

“Stop.” FF hears himself say and he turns to Daniel. “Jay and Robin weren’t your little siblings, they were mine. I’m not your family, I never was and never will be. I’m not scared of cars anymore.” A lie mixed in with multiple truths.

Maybe it’ll make Daniel happy to see that FF still knows how to play all of his favorite games.

He turns to Andrew who is staring at him patiently, “I’m not feeling well.” He says.

Andrew looks at him and FF figures he probably looks as shitty as he feels, “Someone will have to sit on someone’s lap.” He says.

“Smithy, sit on my lap.” Nicky says and FF can’t help the way he leans into Nicky’s warmth as his friend guides him to around the car keeping himself between Daniel and FF. Nicky gets in first and FF doesn’t hesitate to crawl onto Nicky’s lap.

He thinks he hears Daniel start to say something, but Andrew slams the door shut on his way to the driver’s side. Andrew doesn’t move from the passenger door, blocking it with his body.

Nicky guides his face into his neck, “Can we buckle-up?” he asks, and Nicky almost dislodges him he’s so quick in his compliance.

“Of course.” Nicky says and there’s the feeling of the seatbelt and the click of it locking into place. Nicky’s hand was in his hair.

FF doesn’t know if it just took a while or if he was just drifting in his thoughts as Nicky stroked his hair. “Are you scared of cars?” he asks voice quiet.

“Yes.” FF answers because it’s Nicky. “I was in an accident.” He explains just as quietly as Nicky had asked.

“Siblings?” Nicky asks voice choking with emotion.

FF pressed his face into Nicky’s neck further and hopes the pressure will stop his eyes from watering. “Yes.” He says. “Younger.” He manages.

Nicky holds him tighter, and FF is glad Nicky doesn’t tell him it’ll be okay.

FF doesn’t know if he drifts or if the others are listening to Daniel’s poison and falling for it. He’s glad that at least he’ll still have Nicky.

Eventually, the doors open, and he thinks he hears Daniel’s voice, but all three doors shut quickly.

“What an asshole.” Aaron spits.

“That doesn’t necessarily disqualify him.” Kevin says.

“We’re not talking about this right now.” Captain Neil hisses, “Smith, we’re going to get you to Abby’s, okay?” he says but FF doesn’t really have the energy to do anything more than a thumbs up.

The car ride is smoother than usual. It’s also quiet other than Kevin reminding him that he’d sleep better if they’d stop by the store to grab more smoothie supplies, Aaron smacking him upside the head, and Andrew threatening to kill both of them if they got tart cherry and avocado smoothie on his interior.

By the time they’re at Abby’s FF is almost asleep in Nicky’s lap but he forces himself to wake up and climb out of the car when Andrew opens the passenger door for them. He finds it hard to look at any of them at the moment.

“Sorry about all of that.” He manages looking down at his feet. “You shouldn’t have had to see that.”

“Smith,” Captain Neil’s hand rests on his shoulder and FF startles slightly as he looks down into the blue eyes of his Captain, “if we got what we deserved, we wouldn’t be Foxes.” He says as FF takes a long and steadying breath. “You have a past and that’s what brought you here.” Captain Neil squeezes his shoulder.

“You’re one of us and we take care of our own.” Andrew says before pushing him towards Nicky, “Get him to bed.” He says.

Nicky didn’t need to be told twice. Abby and Grandma Smith were out checking out a restaurant after the game, the two having become good friends during their stay. FF was glad his Gran was somewhere else and didn’t have to see him like this. FF was even more glad for his friend’s help as Nicky dragged him through his bedtime routine. “Don’t expect this when we’re roomies.” Nicky teased as he helped FF change.

It was hardly five minutes between pulling up and Nicky tucking FF into bed. “We’ll be by tomorrow, call me if that asshole shows up, okay?” Nicky says pointing at him.

FF, still to tired, just gave a thumbs up and closed his eyes.

He just hoped he drank enough of the smoothie that he wouldn’t dream.

***

Nicky left Abby’s house and made sure to lock the door behind him after he had checked a grand total of three times that FF was asleep in the guest bedroom, he’d taken up residency in.

Siblings.

Nicky’s heart ached.

He found the rest of the Monsters loitering outside by the Maserati with Aaron pacing, Kevin wiping his tongue on his shirt, as Andrew and Neil sat on the hood sharing a cigarette.

“He’s asleep?” Andrew asks.

“Out like a light.” He looks over to Kevin, “What’s going on with Kevin?” he asks.

“He tried some of what was left of the Smoothie he gave to Smith.” Neil says with an amused laugh. “He didn’t like it.” He says.

“I’ve been aiming for nutritional, not delicious.” Kevin argues, “Smiths hasn’t complained.”

“Smith is a little too nice for his own good.” Aaron rolls his eyes, “Which is why we’re not letting that asshole get his way!” Aaron adds.

“Being an asshole doesn’t stop you from being good at Exy.” Kevin crosses his arms.

“Obviously!” Aaron returns gesturing at Neil, Andrew, and Kevin.

“I resent that.” Kevin and Neil said at the same time as Andrew just shrugged.

“Hey, what the hell are you guys talking about?” Nicky asks hating feeling locked out of the loop. He didn’t regret climbing in the car to hold FF but there’d been too much time between when he’d sat in the Maserati to when the rest had joined for there to have not been a conversation.

“You didn’t hear?” Aaron asks incredulous.

“I was busy.” Nicky hisses and at least Aaron has the good grace to blush.

“Daniel Stanton wants to try out for the open spot on our roster since Lisa decided to stay home.” Neil says through gritted teeth, “The University already approved that he can try out.” He adds.

“That asshole wants to be a Fox.” Andrew says.

There were many noise disturbance calls from the usually quiet neighborhood that night as Nicky Hemmick let his opinion on this be known to the world.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

[capcavan]

🗣️ (also sorry this got long, turns out i have thoughts) so like riko is one of the weirdest fandom cases i've ever seen. i've been in fandoms where characters who commit actual war crimes and genocide are badass babes or uwu soft bois, and even spoiled mafia brats who commit terrible crimes against the heroes for daddy's attention that get love and redemption. it's so weird to see just how isolated from all that riko is to me.

i do think it's partly how aftg is written, and that's also partly because niel's pov is not at all forgiving of riko, while is entirely forgiving of people like andrew. but i also think it's because of how riko himself is written. he's one of these characters that's better on paper than he is in the book to me. because he's never presented as smart enough to fall into the magnificent bastard trope where everyone applauds how devious his plans are, but he's not outright hammy enough to just be a fun read, he doesn't even get the same stupidly dramatic flare as andrew. and while we're told he's powerful and doing dangerous stuff, he's presented on page, more often than not, as a petulant child that neil is just done with or a guy who likes to torture people who neil is also done with. neil is never actually scared of riko, or even particularly threatened by him, and i think that hurts him and makes his position in the narrative weaker. especially when nora is trying to play him as a villain and a threat in a mafia story rather than a good old fashioned rival in a sports drama. for example, his first impression on the kathy show should live up to the hype of this imposing charismatic villain who broke kevin's hand, but instead loses him temper, forgets all of his media training and lets a nobody like neil goad him into losing control of the interview, and then his payback, things like shoving neil around and seth's death, are basically brushed off because neil doesn't really care that much. it's not given the weight to be a seriously omg this guys a threat first impression. and this isn't uncommon, lots of media hamstrings their villains at the start by making sure we know the main character is too sassy for them and can humiliate them, without thinking about how weak that can make the villain seem. it feels sometimes like nora wanted riko to be this chess master villain or tragic child who's lashing out at the world, without committing to it fully to either, or was just not an experienced enough writer to have known how to write either of those things in the pov of someone who hates riko's guts, which is understandable, writing is hard and that sort of nuance takes practice, especially if you just go by the books and not the extra content, and i do wonder how differently nora would have portrayed riko if she rewrote the main trilogy now with presumably a lot more practice under her belt. in the end riko ends up in this weird grey area to me where i understand why he's not popular, given he has none of the usual obvious traits that fans like to latch onto when redeeming a villainous character, and even the ones that are there are glossed over pretty quickly because of neil's pov, and a lot of his more interesting pieces are on paper not actively presented in the book, and not everyone reads super deep, but i also don't understand the amount of hate. i have literally never seen a character in any other fandom i've been in have this much fandom wide hatred.

See I have nothing to add here because you single handedly dropped the best analysis of Riko's character in the series I had pleasure to read so far and summed up all my feelings about why and what of the fandom. If the goal was to write a character that is impactful yet easy to hate then that goal was achieved but for me it real takes away form the magnitude of feelings Riko could evoke in reader and questions he could provoke in narrative if he was given bit different presentation that woudl still align with the lore we already have.

[emry-stars-art]

Oooh do go on about raven neil and jean 👀 (if you’re so inclined ☺️) - @neil-jostenminyard

*chanting* raven Neil raven Neil raven Neil (and lots of Jean) (quite possibly even jeaneil) (although most of the thoughts are post-ravens lol)

So my personal thoughts about this are also mostly thanks to chats and inspiration/prompting from @jtl-fics and @greenautumnleaves so if you see any additions from them on this post it's most likely also thoughts I adore lol

Anyway this got kind of long so:

I ALSO latched onto Sakavic's statement that Neil wouldn't leave Jean in the nest bc yeah it makes sense and also ow

But just the two of them being partnered up like Riko and Kevin as is common in these aus, and then after Kevin gets out first, they have to stick together and rely on each other even MORE because Riko is pissed that Kevin is gone and probably takes it out on the next closest two idk

But in our imaginings, Renee or Andrew get Jean out quicker than in canon, again because Neil would refuse to leave Jean behind and I can only imagine he'd go so far as to trick or manipulate Jean into leaving. Maybe by being at a certain place at a certain time to get picked up, however he can make it happen. But the issue we run into is that once that's done, what the hell would Neil have left at Evermore, besides Exy that maybe he still loves deep down. But Exy's been so warped being raised on it at the nest that at that point his obsession is barely recognizable.

Kevin might recognize this, because he knew Neil in the nest. Or at least he knew the person that Neil presented himself as. But it's probably more likely that Jean recognizes this, and yeah things are super rocky and weird but Jean can barely even function without Neil. So back a fox goes to rescue their second raven's partner.

They bring Neil back to Palmetto and he and Jean are completely inseparable. Emotionally and physically. Neither of them act like, feel like, or even call themselves "touchy feely" or "clingy" people but as soon as Neil is treated for various intense and mysterious injuries, they're curled up in some hidden place for hours. Even the short time having left Neil behind made Jean almost too anxious to leave his room. Even the short time without Jean - now with more punishment for aiding Jean's escape - was enough for Neil to consider something drastic.

(side note: Andrew now has not one, not two, but three gorgeous tragic boys under his supervision and I'm sure he's handling that totally normally lmao. But it's so obvious to him that Jean and Neil have something going on that any ideas for himself aren't worth entertaining.)

So it's a little easier to ease out of various habits and thought processes because Jean and Neil are doing it together, with outside help. They fix their sleep cycles/rhythms, try a slightly more normal college diet, and most slowly lose their "win or die" mindset in practices. They're still never seen without each other - Wymack had a talk with some of the school board about their schedules and dorm arrangements for the first semester. In reality, he's not sure if he should have them go cold turkey on raven habits or if he should take it slower, but he's doing his damn best to get these boys adjusted to life outside a cult. And Neil and Jean, whether or not they actively realize it, find that step to be the one they absolutely cannot take. Why would they go through the agony of learning to live separately if they don't have to. When no one else understands them like the other, when they've already seen each other's worst so nothing else is worth keeping secret between them. Who else is Jean going to go to when having a better life makes him feel like he more deserves death or punishment and the guilt hits him so hard he can't breathe, much less sleep. Who else is Neil going to go to when he can't let go of his birthright - if he isn't good at what he does (Exy) he literally could just be shot like a lame horse - and he's not allowed to go practice Exy against a wall to the point of tearing himself apart anymore so he forces his feet away from the court to find the only person he knows he'll listen to when they say no.

Kevin, of course, is keeping a close eye on the two, whether unintentionally or on purpose is unclear. Neil still has a mouth on him, he sometimes plays mind games with the foxes like chess against himself, and most of all does not allow anyone to get too close to Jean. Jean is still quiet, having learned not only to take a punishment without resistance but also that Neil will speak first. Neil will resist so Jean doesn't have to. He's safer in Neil's shadow.

Maybe it's a phrase or warning that Neil uses and that Kevin recognizes. Maybe it's a gesture between Neil and Jean that Kevin oversees. Maybe it's just the general demeanor of the two. But whatever it is is familiar to Kevin, not in a "I remember this from them in the nest" way. He can recognize by now that Riko was not good to him, he can acknowledge it even if the rest of him hasn't caught up. He looks at Jean in Neil's shadow and remembers himself in Riko's.

As if Butcher's son Nathaniel Wesninski wasn't already scary enough on his own.

But Kevin won't allow this kind of thing on his court, and he's not good at it but he is still trying to let go of unhealthy raven ideals. If Neil is holding onto some fucked up dynamic, Kevin is going to put a stop to it.

He pulls Jean aside, a miraculous feat. He asks what Neil has done.

"Mistake" might be an understatement.

It could very easily be the longest string of words Jean has said to anyone besides Neil. Kevin doesn't know near as much French as he does in canon - Neil is the one that shares that secret defiance - so it's all clear English, Jean making sure Kevin understands every word. Kevin should never speak about Neil that way again. He knows nothing about them, he shouldn't so much as pretend to understand Neil. Neil is the only good thing that ever happened to Jean. Kevin never cared enough to bring it up in the nest, so he has no right to start caring now.

It isn't great for their already tumultuous relationship. Kevin wonders for a bit if Jean would tell Neil about it - then next practice Neil doesn't even try to work with Kevin, even after the two had made it a point as strikers to figure out how to. He ignores the other strikers entirely, falling immediately and seamlessly into perfect synch with Jean behind him, speaking hardly a word of English the whole practice. Because he knows that will make Kevin even more angry than Neil being actively hostile to his new teammates.

Kevin isn't sure what he was expecting. Chances are Jean hadn't even needed to bring it up for Neil to notice something was off.

As for Andrew, I think he could still pick up a game of truths. He'd need to offer a similar deal as he did for canon Neil, this time for Neil-and-Jean, the entity of the two of them together. I think he could ensure some cooperation by saying he won't force Jean and Neil apart from each other the way some others have muttered about doing. Even if Neil knows by now the codependence isn't healthy, neither of them are ready to give it up.

It probably really throws Andrew to hear that they don't consider themselves to be an item. They're together, sure, but for a raven that doesn't always, maybe even rarely, means "in a traditional relationship". Neil and Jean definitely never offer any clarification. That's no one else's business, even if they could explain it so that a non-raven could understand. Generally I feel like if this is an andreil universe, it's an even longer, stranger, more winding road to get there than in canon.

I'm almost CERTAIN there's more Im forgetting about rn but this has been my taster on raven Neil+Jean, I hope it was at least a little bit coherent, and greenautumnleaves - I hope this comes anywhere close to your galaxy brain ideas on these two lol. Maybe I'll be back with other thoughts later who knows

[smittenmeraki]

Surprisingly not SBG related 😅

I just finsihed reading All For The Game and I am so hyperfixated and need to rant about it

Spoilers

1. People do not talk enough about how Neil told Kevin to get his pycho on a leash or he will and the forever after Andrew told him to never pull his leash again, they highlight his perfect memory all of the time and this is just another one of those moment but like Andrew knew that Neil was right when he said that. He does have a leash, and Kevin has pulled it a lot, whether he means to or not. But Neil has it too, but he doesnt use it the same, instead he holds tight and gives Andrew the choice, every time he give him the choice.

Like Andrew knows wholeheartedly Neil is his weak point even if he refuses to admit it but he has to say something about being emotionally manipulated, but I think it was more of a warning than a threat. He knows Neil has an upper hand, his 'dont pull my leash' seems more like 'you can make me do anything with a single word and that scares me' Neil is different to him and I think he is so entranced and terrfied of that realization, hints the 'its not a this' because if it was he could lose it. He has been pulled and pushed and dragged around for so long, he refuses to let the one person who asks him to do the same. Neil doesnt need to manipulate Andrew because Andrew is so willing to do anything he asks.

2. The whole please conversation broke me. I had to take a moment to calm down because it hit so horribly close to home. Andrew has been used and assulted and belittled for simply being there. He so desperately wants affection, who doesnt, but the memories of someone doing things to him against his will is so haunting. Thats why the yes or no is so important to him every single time, nevermind the always, he will ask anyway, because no one ever asked him. His 'no' was vetoed and his 'please' ignored. Neil didn't even need to know this to stop cold in his tracks the moment Andrew said to. Neil knows Andrew doesn't like to be touched and the breif moments when its allowed are barely okay, so he doesn’t push it because he doesn't want to lose those moments. He is willing to stand with time and wilter waiting for when its okay again. Yes sometimes he has reached out or crossed a line but several more times he reminded himself, he doesn't like to be touched. 'His hand froze a hair away' 'he remembered last second' and so many more times he forced himself not to because he has no right. Andrew sees this, sees how he is so willing to actively not hurt him. Neil disgards the times Andrew has crossed a line, has hurt his friends or got so angry he saw red because he undrestand how desperately Andrew is searching for control, of anything, he's never had it before. He could have killed Allison for slapping Aaron. He so tightly holds onto the few things he has. He won't let someone hurt or break or take anything he has left. Which is why I believe he hesitates when Neil says he's not going anywhere, because he has fought tooth and nail for all he has, to keep Aaron who wants to leave, to hold himself together after all he has been through. Neil is willing to stay by his side and asked Andrew to stop fighting for him. The simple 'no' followed by 'thats why' is all Neil needed to understand, Andrew wants Neil because he is willing to put himself aside. Because his 'no' means so much to Neil, and he would never break it.

I came so close to tear with these books 😭

[ok555ficideas]

I asked you that once, too

Andrew and Neil were lying in their bed in Columbia late at night. Both on their backs, looking up at the ceiling, not ready to fall asleep quite yet, but too tired to talk. Neil was very conscious of the way he was positioned on the bed. They were used to sharing. Their beds in the Fox tower were pushed together and apart from extremely bad days that were still sometimes haunting both of them, they shared every night. 

Here the bed was bigger so Neil didn’t have to worry as much about disturbing Andrew by touching him, but tonight was different. Tonight Neil had voiced out his desires out loud back in Eden, and he didn’t want to push the matter. He wanted Andrew to mull it over on his own and not disturb that process. 

The thing was that for the longest time Neil didn’t even know that this was something he would crave so much. Before Andrew he didn’t know a lot of things about himself and he was happy to follow the blonde’s lead. He didn’t crave sex the same way his teammates did. At first he thought that it was because of the way he grew up; always on the run, never able to think about something other than survival. 

With Andrew it was easy, the goalie set the pace and Neil was more than happy to follow along. Because the thing about Neil was that what was doing it for him, was Andrew. He loved when he could see the tiny crack in Andrew’s so well kept composer. He loved knowing that Andrew was enjoying himself, and that was enough to make Neil enjoy himself too. 

Neil knew that there was a possibility of there coming a time when Andrew would suggest something that Neil wouldn’t be into, but he really believed that there wasn’t a lot he wouldn't be willing to do, if he was doing it with Andrew. 

But this wasn’t about sex. No, what he craved right now had nothing to do with getting off. He wanted to be completely enveloped by Andrew without it leading to something more. He wanted to feel the steady movement of up and down of Andrew's chest against his back or under his head. He wanted to bury his face in Andrew’s neck, not to kiss him there, even though he enjoyed how much the other liked it, but to breathe him in and drift off feeling safer than he has ever felt. 

He knew it was a long shot, Andrew sometimes held his hand before falling asleep, or let their legs get tangled together, but he always pulled away before he let himself close his eyes. Being in complete contact with Neil was probably something Andrew was not ready for, but Neil made Andrew a promise and he was determined to keep it. 

Few weeks ago Andrew told him that he is allowed to ask for things. Andrew told him that the answer would probably be no more than yes, but that he should ask, that he should not be afraid to voice what he wants out loud. 

“I'm scared that you’re just going along with this, I need to know that you want this.” Andrew had said to him and it was a show of vulnerability that Andrew so rarely portrayed. 

So Neil started asking. He asked for kisses, he asked to hold hands, sometimes he even asked for Andrew to get him off. ‘Yes’ was not always the answer, but Neil didn’t care. He would always respect a ‘no’ and he was enjoying the spark that lit up in Andrew’s eyes every time Neil asked for something. 

But this was new, this was the first time Neil asked for something that was a new territory. When he broached the topic Andrew didn’t say anything. He looked at Neil puzzled and announced that they were leaving. He collected everyone from the club, despite various protests, mostly from Nicky, and drove them to the house without another word. 

Now they were laying there, Neil desperately waiting for Andrew to say something.

“You can say no.” He whispered after not being able to take the silence for another second. 

“I know that.” Andrew replied immediately, like he was waiting for Neil to say something all along. “I’m not saying no.” He added, a little bit more quietly. 

Neil turned around to lay on his side and propped himself on his elbow. Andrew was still not looking at him and was focused on one tiny crack in the ceiling. 

“Are you saying yes?” Neil asked, his voice careful. 

He could see Andrew swallow by the way his Adam’s apple moved. The blonde looked nervous and despite him letting more and more emotions show around Neil, he was still surprised by this one. Andrew was always so stoic and not phased by anything. Neil was scared that he had crossed a line, but then again Andrew asked him to ask for things. 

“I won’t be able to fall asleep.” Andrew finally looked at Neil. “But I can wait for you to fall asleep like that and then move away.” 

Neil took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. He didn't want to show his excitement just yet. He needed to know something first. 

“Do you want this too or are you doing this just for me?” 

A corner of Andrew’s mouth moved and it almost looked like he was about to smile. It took Neil off gourd, how quick various subtle emotions had crossed through Andrew today so visibly. 

“I asked you that once, too, remember?” 

Neil did remember. It was in the same conversation when Andrew asked him to ask for things. Neil had a hard time explaining his feelings about sex. Every time he tried to voice it out loud it sounded like he didn’t enjoy it. 

“You told me that you’re doing it for me, but that is why you want it.” Andrew continued after Neil didn’t reply to his previous question. “I didn’t get it then, but I chose to trust you. But I get it now, I didn’t feel the need to hold your hand until you started to ask me to. I agreed, because I wanted to make you happy and it wasn’t something that would trigger me. With time I started to enjoy it, because I knew that you did. I think this is like that too. I don’t know if it will trigger me or not, but I know that I want to try, because you want to.” 

Neil was suddenly overtaken with a wave of relief. Ever since that conversation he was trying to sort it out more in his head to help Andrew understand how he felt. Hearing that Andrew felt the same, just with other aspects of their relationship, filled him with so much joy and sense of being understood that it was almost too much for him to handle. 

“How do you want to do this?” 

Andrew scooted himself closer to Neil and motioned for him to turn around. When Neil did, Andrew outstretched one of his hands under Neil’s head and with the other, slightly shaking one, he reached around Neil and slowly put it on his chest. Neil tried to not move a muscle and let Andrew lead. For a moment they were awkwardly laying there with Andrew barely touching him, but after a minute Andrew’s hand relaxed and Neil was gently brought closer to Andrew’s chest. They both let out a deep breath and Neil melted into Andrew’s embrace. 

“I’m going to wait till you fall asleep or till it gets too much for me and then I’m going to pull away.” Andrew spoke right into his ear and it sent shivers down Neil’s spine. 

“Okay.” Neil whispered. “Can I put my hand on yours?” 

“No.” 

Neil only nodded at that and closed his eyes. His breath was slowly evening out and he felt himself drift off faster than usual. His body was in total bliss and he had never felt as safe as here in Andrew’s arms, with the blonde’s steady breath on his neck and the heartbeat that he could feel on his back. 

When Neil woke up the next day, Andrew was far away from him on the other side of the bed, with his back tightly put against the wall. Neil smiled at the sleeping form in front of him and couldn’t help but be proud of both of them for how far they had come. 

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

au in which nathaniel is married to riko part 2 (part 1)

(like 2 people asked for this but lmao thats good enough for me)

i had to think hard about this ngl, i kinda just like leaving my thoughts open ended like that, and i had a choice, to like, be nice to neil

here is the opposite of that <3

tw for domestic abuse, manipulation, suicide attempt

neil doesn't truly remember what happens next, he just knows he's in a hotel room and he's in pain and he can barely open his eyes and he can see riko is right there in the room and neil just wants to cry and scream and go back and he doesn't want to be here

and riko is right fucking there and he's threatening neil and he's just going on and on about how much trouble he's been, and how much trouble he's going to be when they get back to new york and how riko wont ever let him slip away like that again

and then riko just fucking... stops, stops shouting, stops pacing, stops spitting things at neil, and he just cries and tells neil how much he has missed him all these years and he apologizes and he holds neil close despite the pain, despite the wounds, and he promises to be better, he promises he will take care of neil

no, not of neil

of nathaniel

and nathaniel, exhausted and terrified and hopeless and in agony, can do nothing but whisper to riko to take him home, even if the words taste like venom, even if there's nothing he wants to do more than throw up, even if there are tears rolling down his cheeks and blood covering his skin

because this is all there is for him right? neil josten wasn't real, his hopes and his friends and his family and his- no, andrew is not his anymore, none of the foxes are

neil josten's life isn't nathaniels

it never was

bc neil josten didn't exist in the first place and he never should have existed

meanwhile back in seattle (and what neil doesn't know), andrew felt guilt of all things, at seeing the look of heartbreak in neils face, of hope and despair and loss, so he forces himself to stop off the road not even a kilometer later (don't ask me about miles i have no idea how those work) and he kinda just hits his steering wheel in a sprout of anger but he cant make himself to go back just yet, so he calls aaron

aaron kinda just yells at him lol, bc he's been worried about neil himself all morning and him and kate are dying bc they are scared and they just want to know how neil is doing, and like aaron just makes andrew go back for neil while aaron gets there

except neil is gone

obviously, bc wtf andrew its been like half an hour where you expecting him to be waiting for you?

and when he asks around well, the cashier just knows, ah yes the fidgety redhead kid? oh yeah some rich asian guy in a mercedes picked him up, yeah they looked close, the asian guy even hugged him and basically left clinging off the readhead, yeah sorry buddy, they left like half an hour ago, why tho? is he in some kind of trouble?

and andrew just, loses it

the next few days are a blur for andrew, he knows wymack pulls some strings and with the help of the foxes and his own money they manage to get the recorded tapes from the security camera at the gas station and its grainy as shit and

and why the fuck is riko moriyama hugging neil?

how does riko even know him?

it doesn't make any sense, why is riko kissing neil, andrew’s neil, like there's no tomorrow??

why is neil leaving with him??

and why the fuck is riko posting a picture on instagram, ready to fucking come out and announce that he has a husband??

and why is that husband neil??

except its not neil, except riko says his husband is nathaniel, and well would you look at that?? nathaniel is nothing but a fucking liar, who didnt tell him that he's with someone else, who didn't even tell him his fucking name

andrew loses himself a little after that, even if he convinces himself that he's fine, that he even ended things with him, that neil is living the happy rich life with the richest and most popular man in exy, good riddance

(but andrew can never forget, not only the good things about the relationship, no, what he can never forget is neil- nathaniel's flinches, the way he would curl up into himself when someone spoke too loud, the fear in his eyes whenever he messed up at something, the quiet sadness when they- when they started being something, andrew and neil, and he confessed that he was scared of things changing, and he confessed that it was scary to open up to someone, the again implicit in his shaky voice)

(andrew can never forget the rage when neil confessed he wasn't in the mood for sex most times, and the confusion when andrew said they didn't have to have sex when it was a no, the rage at neil's soft whispered "i can say no?")

andrew can never shake off the feeling that something is so fucking wrong, but he convinces himself to stay the fuck out of it, that its none of his fucking business, that nathaniel can live his life however he fucking wants to, andrew doesn't need him, he never has (he's always been a good liar)

months go by, in which riko posts pictures of his perfect life with his perfect husband, who doesn't have social media accounts of his own bc he likes his privacy (then why is riko sharing his pictures-)

months go by where andrew gets drunk beyond relief, but he needs to keep his pro career to pay aarons tuition so he sucks it up and does the bare fucking minimum while making sure he doesn't get fired

aaron can never truly shake off the worry, he and katelyn were the ones who saw him when he arrived, beat up and terrified and so dangerously hurt, and how hard it was for him to open up and start to accept good things, kind things

so he keeps up with them, with rikos pictures and videos and stories, trying to find proof that there's nothing wrong there, trying to find a way to convince himself that no, he's making it all up bc he himself was abused by somone he loved and trusted, and he's just proyecting

but neil is too quiet, all respectful smiles and wrapping arms around himself, always wearing baggy clothing and turtleneck shirts

the smile never reaches his eye

aaron just cant help but worry for him, bc he cant worry for andrew anymore, not he doesn't want to worry about himself, not when he's ready to pretend nothing happened and wants to keep going like neil didn't even exist

its aarons day off, and it's been 8 months since he's seen neil when he gets a call from an unknown number and he answers expecting to hear from a colleague or a resident or a med student on shift at the hospital

what he doesn't expect is ragged breathing from the other line

"hello? who is this?" he almost hangs up when all he gets is silence and that faint sound of breathing for a full minute, but before he can he hears a sob

"im so sorry, i didn't- i didn't know who to call"

aarons heart stops, bc its neil, holy shit its neil and he asks if neil is okay, he asks if neil is safe, he asks what's going on

neil remains silent again for too long, and his voice is barely a whisper "i will be soon"

his heart drops to his stomach, fear, no, absolute terror, engulfing him, "neil what did you do"

silence and then "he got me prescribed valium"

his heart is beating too fast too fast he's going to have a heart attack, "neil, neil i need you to tell me how many pills you took"

that for some reason brings out a small giggle, "i dont, i didn't count, i just, I just swallowed them all"

"neil i need you to call 911"

"i dont want to do that"

"neil, please please call 911"

"i just, im sorry i called you, i just didn't want to be alone, i- andrew didn't pick up the phone"

aaron can feel the tears on his face, "neil please, just call 911, I'll, tell me where you are and i can come get you okay? you dont, you dont have to do this"

he takes a beat too long to answer, and he does with a sob "i cant take this anymore aaron, i can't- i can't stand living with him anymore, he won't let me go any other way"

"neil i promise I can get you help, legal help, we can get you away from him, you would never have to see him again, you would be safe"

neil is still crying, "it didn't work before, it, nothing works, nothing- this will make it better"

aaron is starting to hyperventilate, "neil, please just..."

"can you, can you tell andrew i didn't mean to fuck it up? i couldn't- i couldn't marry him without getting a divorce and I couldn't- i didn't want himto find me"

"neil you can tell him yourself, lets just call 911"

his words are slurring, he sounds so tired, "thank you for being such a, such a good friend aaron"

he's too quiet on the other line, aaron is fucking terrified, god he's crying and panicking, god what does he do what does he do

he puts the phone on speaker and texts kate who's just out getting takeout and god he really needs her right fucking now

thankfully, he hears the car come in the driveway and he runs down the stairs to meet her

the call is still going, but neil hasn't said anything

"neil?? are you still there?? NEIL??"

by the time kate opens the door, he's telling her to call 911, they're able to locate calls right?? even if neil hasn't answered, the call is active, thats enough right??

"i have someone on the line who i think is attempting suicide, i- i dont know where he is, and he isn't answering, but the call is still going"

its enough

"an ambulance is on its way, do you have any idea of what happened?"

"i think he overdosed on diazepam"

"you did great by calling us"

they can do nothing but sit in silence, call ongoing in aaron's phone, holding each other as they both cry and pray to a god aaron barely believes in that the ambulance gets there in time

he can't even read how much time has passed on the phone, when he's suddenly aware of noise on the other end of the line, what sounds like a door breaking, and then chaos

he can't distinguish what's happening, he doesn't know if they got there in time or not

"hello?? is someone there??"

"YES, yes is he alive? is he...?"

"he's alive, just barely, we gave him an antidote to reverse the effects and he's breathing, you did a great job sir"

"can you tell me where you're taking him? im in seattle but i will book a flight as soon as i can"

they tell him the name of the hospital, they tell him he will probably be there for a few days under suicide watch

before the paramedic ends the call he makes himself say, "can you make sure his husband doesn't see him? he's, he abuses my friend, he's the reason he took those pills"

the paramedic takes a deep breath, "can you tell me his name? the husband's?"

his voice trembles, "riko moriyama"

"i will personally make sure he doesn't have access to him"

"thank you"

the phone disconnects at last and through the tears, the first thing aaron does is book two flights for new york

one for him and one for katelyn

he hesitates, before rubbing his eyes free of tears and realizing andrew is in a game

he books a third ticket leaving a few hours later than his and kate's, grabs a bag and they're out the door in less than 5 minutes

he can do nothing to leave a voicemail for Andrew's phone, that he knows will destroy him and give kevin a headsup too, bc he might not be much, but he's all the support andrew is gonna have at the time

he prays to the god he's believing in a little bit more than he did an hour ago, and asks nothing more than for neil to be okay when they get to new york

did not mean for this to become longer than 2 parts oop

[aftgficrec]

Some fic with andreil kids, i need that to survive

Our most recent ask for this has all of our previous recs. Enjoy! -A

latest ask:

Andreil & kids here

Kevin and his dads by Monsterputt03 [Not Rated, 646 Words, Complete, 2023]

Kevin's life with Andreil as his parents. 

Want by TheBreadWinner [Rated G, 19938 Words, Incomplete, Updated May 2024]

Andrew and Neil are finally in a position without worries. They have a nice home, money, and dream jobs. What more could they want? Their closest friends and family are raising kids and experiencing something Andrew never pictured wanting. Now, in his thirties, he sees families everywhere: in the stands during games, at the park during his runs with Neil, and in the lobby of New York Presbyterian. Andrew knows what he wants, and he wants it with Neil.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse and neglect, tw: implied/referenced torture

you got the heart without the ache. by PatientIsTheNight [Rated G, 2483 Words, Complete, 2024]

[Andrew] cannot kill every abuser in the world, though it would be nice. More importantly, he knows that he cannot allow himself to be visibly angry, or upset - it would give the wrong idea. He isn’t angry at Kylie, after all, and refuses to give her even half of an inkling of that idea. But he is still angry, in the way a wounded animal is. It takes more than he thought it would to keep himself from hiding in corners and lashing out. - Andrew and Neil foster their first kid, and face how hard it is. It’s a kidfic, you know what you’re getting.

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Whose Your Daddy Series by chaoticas_hell [Not Rated, Collection, Incomplete, Updated June 2024]

Part 1: Whose Your Daddy [47865 Words, Complete] Andrew Joseph Minyard didn't do regrets. But letting Neil in, allowing himself to want, for letting Neil slip through his fingertips- it was the closest he would get to feeling regret. It had been fourteen years since he last saw Neil, since Neil was taken right from under his grasp by his psycho-killer father and lost forever and Andrew had to make peace with that, had to stop expecting Neil to walk through his front door like he had never left. Except, one day, it all but happened. One day, a small kid with horribly cut short platinum blonde hair, striking blue eyes that plagued Andrew's dreams and nightmares, freckles and an achingly familiar horrible fashion sense showed up at his office door with the strangest question. "Are you Andrew Joseph Minyard, yes or no?" The kid asked in a British accent. Andrew could only nod. "Oh good." The kid said, suddenly unsure of themself. "Cause I think you're my dad." What the fuck?

tw: assumed major character death, tw: implied/referenced torture

Part 2: The Before [11385 Words, Incomplete, Updated June 2024] basically a sequel to my fic Whose Your Daddy taking a look at how Neil dealt with single parenthood, how Andrew faired after Neil's faked death, Jo's abysmal childhood, and judgmental family members

tw: assumed major character death, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: violence, tw: choking, tw: unplanned pregnancy, tw: transphobia, tw: gender dysphoria 

Fragments of Light series by DarkD [Rated G/T, Collection, 2 complete works, Updated Jan 2023]

Part 1: Baby mine [T, 18609 Words, Complete, 2022] Andrew could practically see the image of Neil sleeping on his chest, one of the pairs of shoes he'd bought still lying there in bed with them. Neil looked so peaceful, Andrew couldn't stop looking at him. His hand was right on Neil's belly, he could almost imagine what the girls' heartbeats were like there. Neil had sung a song that night, and Andrew memorized every note because, someday, he would also sing that same song for Neil and his daughters. (They couldn't) be more wanted, they've probably never wanted anything more in their life. “You won't touch any of them again.” Andrew said. His voice was low and his throat hurt. “You're not getting anywhere near my fucking family.”

tw: gun violence, tw: attempted murder, tw: major character injury, tw: blood, tw: unplanned pregnancy, tw: transphobia, tw: self harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: destructive thoughts, tw: vomit

Part 2: My dear Nebula [G, 10086 Words, Complete, 2023] “Andrew, Andrew.” Neil whispered in his ear, the warm air against his skin making him shiver. “It's time for our nebula.” ... Neil then asked what a nebula was and he replied: Nebulae were nurseries for stars. Birth of stars. Birth… “Fuck”

tw: unplanned pregnancy, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced murder

Retired by IKnowWhoYouAre_Damianos [Rated G, 1855 Words, Complete, AFTG Summer Exchange 2022]

Neil turned 35 two months ago and was finally ready to retire. A vacay will be just the right thing for his restless mind.

Neil Loves Dinosaurs series by infernalstars [Rated G/T, 32616 words, 17 Complete Works, Updated 2020]

Part 1 recced here

Part 4: Asking For Help [1501 Words] In which Kevin Day has to shift his perspective on things and he seeks out Neil for help.

tw: ableism, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Part 5: Babysitting and the Conditions of Love [1492 Words] Neil and Andrew babysit for Matt and Dan

tw: transphobia, tw: self harm

Part 6: To Live in Peace [908 Words] Meet Henry!

tw: homophobia, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Part 7: Nightmare [2149 Words] Andrew bonds with his foster kid. 

tw: graphic nightmares, tw: implied/referenced murder

Part 8: Family [1491 Words] Henry comes home to Neil having a breakdown.

tw: homophobia, tw: ableism

Part 9: Again (Family pt. 2) [2034 Words] in which Neil has a chance to bond with his kid

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: nonconsensual kissing

Part 10: Again (Family pt. 3) [1604 Words] The Resolution

tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: implied/referenced nonconsensual kissing, tw: implied/referenced nonconsensual drug use

Part 11: Ruby Red [1910 Words] Adopting one kid was always apart of the plan, but another kid...? Unplanned.

Part 12: Second Chances [3329 Words] in which Neil tells Ruby how him and Andrew met

Part 13: Roses and Thorns [1943 Words] Andrew is happy ft. some twinyards, catching up with Kevin and his daughter and a lil snippet of Liam!!

tw: implied/referenced self harm

Part 14: Something Real [3140 Words] How Andrew finds out Neil's Autistic. 

tw: nonconsensual drug use, tw: nonconsensual kissing, tw: implied/referenced child abuse

Part 15: Conditions of Love [2104 Words] A mini series that explores Liam Wilds (Matt and Dans kid), his life and his relationship with Henry Josten-Minyard.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: transphobia

Part 16: Anniversary [1180 Words]  The anniversary of the death of Neil's mom brings up some unpleasant memories and Andrew bring him to the museum to comfort him.

The Josten-Twinyards hc by @detectivebambam [Tumblr, 2024]

Andreil daughter and the word “please” by @starrycassi [Tumblr fic, 2024]

the monsters having kids with cool uncles andreil hc by @the-inner-musings-of-a-worm [Tumblr, 2024]

Miles Minyard-Josten age 7 fandom fun post by @andrews-jort-loving-pipe-dream [Tumblr, 2020]

Art

Minyard-Josten siblings also here art by @allfortheslay25

Nicky meeting Asher Minyard-Josten comic by @riceballannie

Andreil with Michael art by @dshr-art, hc here

fanart by @bluetheking for ‘Noah Minyard-Josten,’ fic recced here

[ninyard]

how do you think jean would be post tsc duology with his sexuality with jeremy like i feel like he’s been put into this submissive role at the nest but idk if that was something he enjoyed

Oh you’ve opened a can of worms anon. Here’s a not so short but typically messy, as per usual, look into Jean’s sexuality.

Firstly, I think there are a million different nuances and anomaly’s and sides to Jean’s sexuality. Jean Moreau: whose first girlfriend was a plane ticket to the United States. We don’t know much about his childhood, but we can only imagine it wasn’t pleasant; If he’s anything like Neil, did he date at all as a kid/young teen?

So - let’s picture it. We’re a little while into Jean’s time with the Trojans, we're a little while into Jean and Jeremy figuring each other out, and the sex conversations comes up.

Now, personally, I don't believe that Jean's response to his trauma is anything like Andrew's - we've seen he doesn't seem to have an issue being touched, and nor does he seem to have an issue with sexuality in general. But things that I believe he does have a problem with?

His sexuality, and knowing what he wants vs what he believes is expected of him.

I think Jean has an incredible amount of shame around his interest in men. Most of it having been beaten into him, instilled by Riko into him. I think his gut response to pull away and reject advances and pretend his interest in men doesn't exist comes mostly from that, or from hearing Kevin say to him that it was far too difficult a life to be the child of a legacy and interested in men. How the public would react, how professional exy teams and the media would respond; it's always easier to be heterosexual. It always has been.

The first hurdle Jean has to jump over is that; allowing himself to desire men, to feel like that is okay, to feel like he deserves the way that Jeremy looks at him. The Trojans help, far more than they even know. Cat and Laila help. All of the queer couples and out-and-proud folks on the team help. Immeasurably. It normalises it for him, and he sees how safe they are, how unpunished they are, and whether its subconscious or not, being around them all really helps destroy his bone-deep shame. But he gets past it. At some stage he admits that his sexuality is unimportant to him, as it truly is, but he feels comfortable enough say well, yes, his attraction does also extend to men. It will never be more important that Exy. But it exists. It just eventually becomes a far smaller deal to him that it had originally been.

Skip some time, some awkward and painful conversations, and Jean and Jeremy are together. How that happens, I don't know - do they hook up first? Do they date for a while before they get there? But, when they get there, there comes this point a handful of times in where Jeremy realises he has been leading their encounters a whole lot more than Jean is. In fact, when he thinks about it, as comfortable as Jean insists that he is, he is not in control at all. He follows Jeremy's lead. Jeremy thinks about Kevin's awkward comment the day he was asked to sign Jean.

"Tell me what you want." Jeremy says, having thought too much about it, having wondered if he was imagining things.

"You," Jean responds, maybe. "That is all."

Jeremy sits back and he looks at him, and Jean looks back with that gorgeous and confused look draped across his pale complexion. Somehow they talk for a little while, and find themselves at the point:

Is this how you actually want to have sex, or is it just how you think I want you to have sex?

And Jean doesn't know. It's the question that sends him spiralling, because he hasn't even realised it. He hasn't noticed how he is simply complacent, uninvested in his own desires and pleasure in order to keep Jeremy happy. It's not that he doesn't get pleasure from it, of course he does, but he will not take a step out of line if Jeremy is happy. I think he might have to stop for a while, stepping back from sex while he tries to understand his relationship with sex itself. He's too used to being used and having expectations put on him that he knows no different. He doesn't know what he likes. He doesn't know if he prefers to top or bottom, to be submissive or dominant, or any other thing like that; it's a no-mans land that he's spent far too long people-pleasing in that he's forgotten that he's allowed to enjoy it as well. So I think that takes a lot of time and unlearning to see his own pleasure as something worthy of investigating.

Jeremy is patient, of course, and while he sees how much of a "step back" Jean has taken in terms of being okay with sex, it's worth it; sure, Jean never much had a problem with it, and maybe bringing it up caused a problem, but it sparks that thought in Jean's brain. That curiosity about whether or not the role that he plays during sex has been built by the nest, or if it's what he genuinely likes to do. As I say, it takes a lot of unlearning for Jean. A lot of unpacking of what happened to him, and a lot of really, really hard conversations.

His body is his own, and he knows that now. It does not belong to Jeremy. Again, not that Jeremy thinks so either, to be very clear. He knows Jeremy doesn't think so. Not one bit. But he has to understand that himself. He doesn't have to read Jeremy's micro expressions to figure out what he wants him to do, he doesn't have to just keep him happy. Intimacy can only exist in an environment where it is reciprocated. And while he cares deeply for Jeremy, if he is ignoring his own desires in order to maintain peace, he is not being genuine. He is simply submitting because that's the only option he's known. That's the only choice he's ever had.

I think Jean loves sex - I think Jean really, really enjoys having sex with Jeremy. I just think it's also evident quite quickly that he isn't even thinking about how he affords Jeremy all of the control in every scenario. Jean is submissive because that's all he knows. And I feel like it takes a while and a lot of talking for him to leave that habit behind and freely, unashamedly, fuck without expectation for him to be a certain way or act a certain way. That doesn't mean he has to be a top or a bottom. It does mean that he has to stop himself from studying every twitch and tell on Jeremy's face to try understand completely what the Captain expects of him.

[deeppenguinstudent]

Okay, but what if...no exy roommates jeandrew AU?

Jean and Andrew are forced to be roommates by Aaron, Renee, and Katelyn. Katelyn and Laila are close friends, so when Jean moves out from California, she pleads with Katelyn to look after him. Renee comes up with an idea to make Jean and Andrew roommates; it takes care of Andrew's bad eating habits, and having a friend is always better than solitude. For Jean, he has someone to confide in if anyone tries to harm him since Andrew would be one step away from Jean at all times. It kills two birds with one stone. Thus, begins the roommateship between the two.

At first, they don't even glance at each other, but one day, when Andrew is seen eating marshmallow cereal straight from the box with the box dripping from milk, they finally speak to eachother.

They slowly get closer, Andrew absolutely sucks at chores; Nicky is always the one that helps him, so Jean teaches him with a snarky mouth. Andrew remains impassive and that seems to egg on Jean even further.

Andrew loves to coax out expressions from Jean, especially because he is so easy to anger. Like something as small as littering his dirty socks around the living room gets the man so heated up he starts grinding his teeth and chewing on his lip. Other times, he finds it amusing at Jean's jumpy attitude whenever Andrew sneaks up behind him.

Slowly, their lives get more entangled and they soon blur the lines of roommates and lovers.

They share the same bed, obviously, prices are sky rocket high, and none of them have the money to purchase a fully functioning bed. When they are asked why they can't just buy an air mattress, they both shake their heads at such a preposterous idea. How could they even decide who gets the better bed? (They just don't want to reveal that they developed a sort of co-dependency for eachother)

One night, Jean has a horrid nightmare, he screams in his sleep and starts violently shaking. Andrew feels the vibration and waits for it to stop before grabbing Jean's hand under the covers and allowing the boy to grip it hard. It baffles Andrew at first, how easy it was to allow Jean to even touch him, but he soon realises that it's because Jean is exactly like him, but his hands were never cold. It was always warm and hesitant; a stark comparison to Drake's.

Soon, the line blurs even further as throughout the night, they hold each other in their sleep. They press against each other yearning to feel the others beating heart as a sign there's still life in the planet, that they weren't just a withering corspe.

Jean understood Andrew's cold indifference in the subtle touches, glances as well as the way Andrew pulled him closer in the dead of the night to remind himself that Jean was not going to hurt him. Andrew understood Jean's faux snobbish attitude and revelled as Jean sometimes went on a tangent of mundane things that irked him. He loved the way Jean would let out a small noise when Andrew asked him questions, seemingly grateful Andrew even paid attention to him.

One night, Andrew comes back from dinner with Aaron and Katelyn and their new baby to see glass shattered on the floor. Jean heaving in and out as he grasped his knees and pulled at his hair. Andrew allowed Jean to cry on him, and Andrew checked the text on his phone; it was a text from someone named Johnson. It said, "Reacher's dead, you're next Johnny."

Andrew swore to protect Jean, so that's why there's a beaten up prude laying on the floor, and Jean is welled up on the closet. After the police are called, Andrew calls up Neil. He asks Neil for help, and that leaves Neil in a disgruntled state. It was unlike Andrew to ask for favours. He requests Neil to get in touch with some corrupt officers and ask them to kill Grayson

Jean bandages Andrew's fist before gently laying down a kiss on his knuckles. Then, he slowly makes up his arm until he reaches Andrew's lips and ghosts for a second. Andrew asks that damn question that he always does every time he initiates anything, and Jean realises he's too deep in the rabbit hole to do anything but fall deeper in love with Andrew.

They kiss, sparks fly, and the next morning, Jean is awoken to the beating of Andrew's heartbeat and the slow rise and fall of his chest. He circles his chest before placing a kiss on Andrew's lips as the line between them dissolved into an invisible thread.

I have another roommates AU but it's kandreil as roommates and Jean is the new neighbour moving next door. Kandreil are nerds and Kevin develops a huge crush on Jean. So it's basically big bang theory but Leonard and penny are Jean and Kevin

[stabbyfoxandrew]

arsonist Neil, if you're up for it. Happy Wednesday!!

WIP Wednesday (9/4) | Arsonist Neil / Firefighter Andrew AU (Part 224)

Andrew should have never agreed to this bullshit dinner.

That's more obvious now than it was four days ago when Aaron was here, trying to convince Andrew it would be fine. Andrew isn't sure how it could possibly be 'fine' knowing the history between the three of them, but he said he’d be there. And, unlike his brother, he does not go back on his word. No matter how badly he wants to. (He and 10 are both taping tonight's episode of Supernatural.)

But yes. It is now 6:17 and Andrew is only half dressed. Half because he's been trying for an hour to decide what one should wear to a function they don't want to attend and that is being hosted by someone they do not like. His first thought was to wear some of his older clothes. Something edgy and all black, like he did in college. Hell, he thought about wearing the exact outfit he'd worn that day he met Katelyn in the library. But her memory probably isn't that good. It would be a wasted attempt. Besides, that shirt has a hole in it now. (He dropped a cigarette on it.)

For some reason, Andrew's had 10 on speaker throughout this entire fiasco. He's sent a few photos of options and 10 says he looks good in them all. It's not helpful though. Andrew's not any closer to deciding, but his ego is a bit overinflated. He picks up a pair of dark wash jeans and realizes they're the ones he wore to the cafe the time 10 didn't show. He sets them off to the side, as if they're bad luck, and continues rifling through his closet like something new will appear to him.

"Hey, send me a photo of your closet. I want to see what you’re working with." 10 says when Andrew growls at his stupid clothes for the third time. Andrew has to hold in a laugh.

"No offense 10, but you're not exactly an authority on fashion."

"I could be."

"But you're not. I should be helping you pick out clothes, not the other way around." Andrew says, making 10 huff out a sigh.

"Fine. Maybe I'll let you take me shopping one day," 10 says, making Andrew bite his lip. In theory, it's an amazing idea. Andrew would dress 10 up to his own tastes and ogle him the entire time. But then again, they probably wouldn't get that far. Knowing 10, he'd find a way to sneak out of the dressing room and text Andrew some stupid excuse.

Andrew hums in acknowledgement.

“I know, I know. You think I look like a homeless loser. Well, guess what. I am!” 10 says, making Andrew laugh. “And I know I dress for comfort and practicality over aesthetics, but that's not a bad thing."

"Mm, you're right.”

"So send me a picture of your closet,” 10 demands. Andrew nods to himself and starts to open the camera, but then 10 startles him. “This is fun. I like seeing you dressed up.”

Andrew nearly chokes. “You do? Why?”

"It’s just interesting, I guess. You know, I usually just see you in uniform. Or those old, angry-looking T-shirts you cycle through when you're at home." 10 says, citing Andrew’s hoard of old band shirts from his emo phase. (Not a phase.) Since they first started exchanging selfies, 10 has seen Andrew in half a dozen black shirts with barely legible fonts and always asks what they’re supposed to say. 

Then Andrew reminds him of their deal and 10 sends a photo back. Usually, they’re taken in his hotel room. Sometimes they’re taken outside. Andrew likes those best. The sunlight brings out all the shades of 10’s hair and makes his eyes so pretty. 10’s phone is sort of shit for selfie-taking, since it has no front camera. But 10 does his best and Andrew saves every picture he receives, even when they’re blurry. Even when they’re completely random and stupid, like the display of cookies Walmart had out the other day with the caption, ‘should I get you some? ;)’