#and then dying her hair in a gas station bathroom

[dreamyzworldlove]

this might have been said before but jason is blond… thalia has black hair… is it possible thalia dyed her hair???

[cloudyeventss]

I thought I try my hand at writing a little story about being 141's assistant. I'm not sure where I'm taking this or even if I should continue. Let me knoww but be sweet. This is literally my first attempt at writing anything

Warnings~ cussing, slightly anxious ? Idk

Y/n pov

He's staring right at me. Slouching slightly to his left, strands of blue dyed hair peeking out underneath his hat. He clearly hasn't been sleeping, I can see the dark circles under his eyes. I don't think I’ve seen him blink once. This is too much. Too fucking much I'm starting to fidget with the belt of my purse, shifting back n forth trying to ease my nerves. I'm overwhelmed and overestimated. This bus smells worse than a gas station bathroom, it doesn't help it’s hotter than the damn desert in here, my sweater is starting to itch and the constant sound of the buses bell going off is enough to make my head explode. GOD why did my car have to break down today? sweat is beading my forehead I feel nauseous. GOD DOES THIS MAN EVER BLINK?!? *ding* fuck finally my stop. I've never been more relieved in my life to leave somewhere... stepping outside I feel like I can breathe again not by much though, last night, laying in bed i got a call from my father's friend Laswell telling me to meet her at a Cafe not too far from my home. Usually, I wouldn't be so nervous to see her, being Laswell and my father worked together for the past 10 years. She’s been around quite a few times but this time She spoke about a potential job opportunity as an assistant overseas. I'm not even sure I heard her right, i was a bottle deep into Apothic red wine. Nothing special but drink enough it’ll knock you on your ass. I've been anxious ever since. After finishing my associates degree in mind and body psychology, I wasn't sure I wanted to continue with school. Maybe I just need a break, but I also need a job. I take one final deep breath to attempt to calm my nerves as I wipe my sweaty palms down my jeans. Okay now’s the time to be confident y/n don't freak out .....

There she is sitting with her back against the wall right in between both exits like always. I'd say she's paranoid but with the work she does it's more justifiable. Laswell stands to greet me "Y/n , it's great to see you!" She moves to sit, and I follow. " it's good to see you too Kate, it's been awhile" . Lunch goes by smoothly; it always was easy falling into conversation with her. A red headed waitress with long legs and black trim glasses drops us our check before walking off to tend to her other tables. My eyes follow her as she passes, she's one of those girls who are effortlessly beautiful. Laswell gains my attention again " so your father tells me you are looking for work"

" I am"

"I could use someone I trust"

"Tell me more"

.....

It'd been two weeks since I met with Laswell, and I accepted the job offer. She explained it mainly consist of filing paperwork and doing whatever task ask of me, running errands, and so on. Kate didn't really give me any details of who I'd work for, just that it was four men she trusted with her life and assured me I'd be in good hands. Today's the day I get on a plane and uproot my whole life. I spent every bit of yesterday taking care of last-minute arrangements. I sold my piece of shit Honda to some high school kid . I almost felt bad for taking his money, but I told him of its issues. In a way I'ma miss Johnny. I named my car after a porn star, Johnny Sins. Ha. It still makes me chuckle . My honda wasn't much, but it always got me where I needed to be hints the name. After taking care of my car I went to see my father. He graciously agreed to look after my apartment for me while I was gone. We spent the rest of the evening watching old westerns on TV and saying our goodbyes.

.....

It's only four hours into the flight, and I'm already regretting my decision. I've spent most of the time in the bathroom emptying my stomach while avoiding angry knocks on the door. The taste of bile in my mouth makes me a little less caring about the people outside. Deciding I can't spend the rest of the flight in the bathroom, I pick myself off the floor and do my best to rinse my mouth. Flying has never sat right with me. I like my feet on the ground instead of tempting God. Regardless, I have to tough it out, its not like I can get them to land now. I walk out the restroom, mumbling hushed, apologizes, and take my seat. Just six more hours.. you got this y/n.

[deepsix-writing]

coming to terms with godhood.

(a jack nichols aka ‘eyeless jack’ story)

the birth of a god is a painful thing. it feels like dying, more than anything. you’d think, after people having worshipped deities for so long, they’d warn you about how excruciating it is to become one. but they don’t.

that was something jack nichols had learned through firsthand experience. recently, in fact. but the worst thing, for him, wasn’t learning to readjust; it felt like all of his senses had been fundamentally rearranged, but that wasn’t what bothered him most. what bothered him most was the trail of bodies it left in his wake.

“burn in hell. ALL of you.” he remembered the words birthing into the open air, but not saying them himself. but he did remember pulling the mask over his face, and he did remember leaving a bloody jenny to die in the forest alone. he remembered kicking away her pleading hands as they pawed at his ankle, her last chance of making contact with her reborn god. only it didn’t feel like jack’s voice, coming out of him. it came from some place far deeper than his chest, and it gushed from his lips like the tar that leaked from his eyes. when he finally scrambled back to civilization, hastily stuffing himself into the nearest gas station bathroom to avoid prying eyes, he puked his guts out. it was an ultimately futile attempt to get that noxious tar out of his body.

it was poisoning him, he was certain. it felt like it coated every inch of his insides, holding back the air in his lungs and turning the food in his stomach to bile. he didn’t want to look in the mirror. he didn’t want to see the state of himself, what those people had done to him, but he needed to know.

he wished he hadn’t looked. because when he did, he didn't recognize what he saw.

beneath the mask, crusted with black tar, festered two black pits where his eyes once were. he was mesmerized by the fact he wasn’t doubled over with the pain of it all. thinking about it, he was just as mesmerized by something else, too.

how am i able to see right now?

it was something that hadn’t even occurred to him until now.

sight of chernobog, some rogue thought interjected. then, it came back to him. that was what the cultists had said when they gouged out his eyes and replaced them with…

i should not be as calm as i am, reflecting on this.

jack never had been the emotional type, but this was really pushing it. it was like that tar that covered his insides had dampened his emotions, too.

...or maybe he was just denying himself the time to truly reflect on it. a part of him felt if he did that, he might never get back on his feet again. he’d curl up in a ball and crystalize, and years down the line he’d be nothing but dust.

jack didn’t want that. it was like the mountain climbers he’d read about in one of his medical textbooks. he just needed to learn to acclimate to the change in altitude. this could be okay.

how to acclimate, however… that was a tough one. he couldn’t do it around people though, he knew that much. he needed to be somewhere isolated, somewhere he could collect his thoughts and keep anyone else from getting—

go back to the college, his thoughts interjected again. you don’t know what its like to be truly alone. you don’t want that.

jack blinked, but shrugged it off. in the gas station bathroom’s sink he washed his hair, matted with blood, and made certain to wash off any blood that pooled on the porcelain when he was done. he took the mask, cast aside amidst his previous puking session, and slipped it back on. he slipped the hood of his jacket up over it to hide his wet hair, too, and took one final look in the mirror.

it was months from Halloween. there was no way anyone was going to look at him and think ‘yep, that’s normal’. in fact, jack was pretty sure he’d already gotten a horrified look from a lady filling up her tank before he’d darted into the bathroom.

his only hope was going to be finding somewhere secluded to figure all of this out. maybe, when all was said and done with, he could make up the assignments for the last of his classes online. he was pretty sure west point had a program for that.

his uncle had a cabin in some backwoods area nearby, he knew. jack remembered when he was a kid, him, his parents, and his cousins would all stay there during the holidays. his uncle had a different house he lived in, too, so chances were, the place was empty.

and, it was only a few dozen miles north, if he remembered correctly. he was on the track team back in high-school. it wouldn't be easy, but it would be managable.

it was the best shot he had at figuring this all out.

it would have to work.

whatever it was that had happened with the cult, whatever it was that they did to jack, it would all be a distant memory in a few years. it wouldn’t get in the way of his medical degree, and it sure as hell wouldn’t get in the way of his life.

right?

[blackberrywars]

🔀 Aiden/Lambert :)

Well. This song is basically begging for a blue-collar deep dive into Lambert's generational struggle with alcohol, as well as a sillier nod to the long-and-lean Aiden headcanon. She's a tall boy indeed. I'm also making it 70s americana because I personally deserve to imagine butch4butch laiden where Lambert wears nothing but a dirty boiler suit over a gray wifebeater and no bra, and Aiden is head to toe in disco menswear —burgundy flare pants and vest, with an outlandishly patterned green silk shirt unbuttoned to the navel.

Lambert is a mechanic, and has been since before she dropped out of high school, to the dismay of her chemistry teacher. She'd skipped town at 16 without a word to her or anyone else, taking nothing but her tools and her father's last 12-pack for the road —it was the only thing she couldn't leave behind. Everything and everyone else is gone, along with the hair clippings and bloodstains on the bathroom floor. She spends a few days sleeping in her shitbox rust bucket, making loops around the city before she moves on to the next. And the next. It's a good thing every gas station has a beer cooler, the way she drinks and drives her way to the east coast.

She makes it, though, and by the time some old bastard named Vesemir finally hires her after three shops turn her tits down, it's a habit. Ordering an irish coffee at 9am doesn't make the barista bat an eyelid in her neighborhood, and it tides her over until her break. A can there sits just right beside her coworkers', and really, they drink more than she does. No matter Vesemir's tuts, he never stops them, just scolds them for leaving the pop tabs everywhere. She's collected enough to make a curtain with them, hanging instead of her bedroom door.

It's a few years of this and Lambert is...... content. She's good at her job, and the only bruise on her body is from where she dropped a gasket scraper on her foot. If she drinks too much, then at least she has no one to take it out on, and really, she's just fine, really. Beer mellows her out, stops the lava under her skin, and the only drunken fights she's gotten in were well-deserved, in her opinion. She goes to sailor's bars with Eskel and Geralt, and goes to the dyke ones when she's not with them, but she never plays for keeps.

It's this Lambert that Aiden meets when her adorable yellow vespa calls it quits. Garage Morhen has a good word-of-mouth reputation with queers for never turning down a customer for the amount of glitter they put on their bodies. Rumor has it that the owner still vists the leather daddy clubs every now and again. Some other whispers say his second son's wife and boyfriend get along spectacularly. Even more say that the third son is the meanest dyke around.

So Aiden goes in all her glory, pushing her scooter in her five-inch boots, brown leather stained with grime. Looks up after five minutes to find Lambert leaned against her station, tall boy in hand and a scowl on her face. Her hands are dyed black up to the elbow, showing off her thick forearms, and her nipples poke through her wifebeater. Her eyes are a little yellow as they look up up up at Aiden, telling her it won't be a cheap or quick fix. And Aiden just smiles, because she's sure as hell not opposed to hanging around for a while.

EDIT: For anyone not aquainted with them, @whyzowl and @yolki-palki have drawn some GORGEOUS fem!laiden art, and the outfits described above are basically me using their designs like paper dolls. Art linked here, here, here, and here with my screeching commentary.

[brightside-of-the-upsidedown]

I'm not sure how I'll continue it yet, but this is the infamous pastel grunge punk!Steve I ended up writing instead of tentacles, so enjoy XD

Sparked by this beautiful post

By @discodeviant because while I was reading, Beggar's Song by Matt Maeson started playing in my head.

Steve looked into the backroom bathroom's cracked mirror and fixed his hair for the seventh time in the last thirty minutes. It was practically a ritual at this point when he was nervous. Well, maybe it'd become his lucky thing after tonight.

He brushed the hair away from his face and clicked his tongue ring pensively. From one side, his new haircut still had his usual thick brown voluminous waves with highlights that nearly brushed his shoulder. From the other side, he'd had it trimmed down into a disconnected undercut and dyed baby pink. He'd originally been planning on dying all of his hair pink and getting both sides shaved, but had chickened out. He'd still been thrilled by the outcome though.

Or at least he had loved it just this morning. But would everyone else? Had he made a mistake and fucked up one of the only good things about him-

A fist banged on the door and Robin's voice came through the door. "Come on, dingus, you're already pretty. Stop spiraling and let's go!"

Steve smiled and let her in. "Aw, Buckley, I'm pretty? Even pretty enough for you?"

Robin snorted and wrinkled her nose. "Don't push it. Now get your ass up on stage before it escapes those pants and makes a run for it. You're never going to throw those out, are you?"

Steve looked down at his worn thin jeans and yeah, maybe they were a bit tighter than usual in the ass, but their new apartment had a lot of stairs, okay! Despite it being almost more holes than pants, they were comfortable and definitely something his parents would never have let him wear when he'd still been under his dad's thumb. So of course that made them his favorite.

He turned and washed his hands once more. Robin let out a choking noise and pointed at his ass. "That's a new hole."

For a split second, Steve thought she was talking about something else until she poked at a spot on his ass not covered by the pants. There was a new hole in his jeans that showed off a not small peek of his ass and thigh. But it was low enough that Steve wasn't too worried about it.

"Buy a guy dinner first, jeez." Steve teased her.

She just slapped his ass. "Yeah, sure, I know a great little place on Easy Street called Cafe Puttana."

"Did you just call me a whore in my own mother tongue, Buckley?!" Steve gasped dramatically. "And maybe if you dressed like this more often, you'd stop having to resort to handing out free drinks to get a girl's attention." Steve hip checked her as she giggled at him and opened the door. "Now let's get this show on the road before everyone notices their favorite bartenders are both missing. My public awaits." He adjusted his pink jean vest over his Nirvana t-shirt as he stepped out, still picking, still-

"Your 'public' is a bunch of drunks, punks, burnouts, and half dead partiers." Robin hugged him from behind just before they got to the stage in the bar. "So don't let the nerves get you. Just have fun and sing me a song, piano man."

That got a genuine laugh out of him. "I'm no Billy Joel, but I'll see what I can do, uptown girl."

Robin went up on stage to announce him. She hyped him up as best she could given her audience and got a not too bad round of applause. Steve wasn't expecting much, this was a gig he'd just gotten only because he worked at the bar and the band that had been scheduled to play had canceled. He usually worked as their bartender and he was good at it. He probably wouldn't have gotten either job if Robin hadn't stepped up to bat for him.

Steve practiced his breathing exercises as the players they could find on such short notice got ready. He stepped up on stage, gave a friendly wave to the regulars who recognized and cheered for him.

He took a seat at the piano he'd had to tune himself before the show because it got so little use.

"Hey, you bunch of vagrants and drains on society." His words were met with proud hoots and hollers. "It's me, Steve, your favorite bartender." This was met with a loud boo from the bar, Robin playfully heckling him.

"That bunch of assholes the boss hired canceled, yeah, I know. So you get me instead, aren't you lucky? Usually you have to buy a drink to get to listen to my dulcet tones." Steve grinned as the crowd booed, whistled, and catcalled. "So enjoy the music, I wrote it myself. Yeah, that's right, fuck you, I have layers. Or if you don't like it, just shut the fuck up and enjoy the view you bunch of pervs." More catcalls.

Steve signaled the players and waited a moment, waiting for his cue, as they played the intro. They weren't bad for only two days of practice.

Jesus, come talk to me

I am but a blind mess, I am wild and free

I know that I need us more than I need me

One more whiskey, I am wild and free

Steve started playing as he continued singing.

Oh, but I'm a beat-down, washed-up son of a bitch

I got one more cigarette and all my money is spent

But I'ma be damned if I let it keep me down

Oh yeah, I'm a beat-down, washed-up son of a bitch

I got one more cigarette and all my money is spent

But I'ma be damned if I let it keep me down

Steve didn't hear any hecklers, not that he thought anyone was that willing to get on Robin's Shit List, but he still didn't dare look up.

Oh, my mother Mary, come walk with me

I am on four drugs, I am wild and free

I know that I failed less, the less I knew me

Wander through the darkness, and come walk with me

Steve felt good about the beat and the band seemed to be really getting into it.

Oh 'cause I'm a beat down washed up son of a bitch

I got one more cigarette and all my money is spent

But I'll be damned if I let it keep me down

Ay, yeah

Yeah I'm a beat down washed up son of a bitch

I got one more cigarette and all my money is spent

But I'll be damned if I let it keep me down

Yeah, yeah

He timed his breathing as the band trailed into the chorus.

Oh yeah, I'm a beat-down, washed-up son of a bitch

I got one more cigarette and all my money is spent

But I'ma be damned if I let it keep me down, yeah, yeah

Oh, I'm a beat-down, washed-up son of a bitch

I got one more cigarette and all my money is spent

But I'ma be damned if I let it keep me down, yeah, yeah, yeah

Steve nodded and belted the post chorus.

You know that it's not over

It's okay to let yourself hurt

Swimming in the murky water

Won't you come on out? Yeah, yeah

You know that it's not over

It's okay to let yourself hurt

Swimming in the murky water

Won't you come on out? Yeah, yeah

We sing a beat-down, washed-up beggar's song

And we sing it even louder when the money is gone

Because we'll be damned if we let it keep us down, yeah, yeah

Oh, I'm a beat-down, washed-up son of a bitch

I got one more cigarette and all my money is spent

But I'ma be damned if I let it keep me down, yeah, yeah, yeah

Steve blinked his eyes open when he felt a bit of an echo- no, there were people singing along. He recognized Robin's off key voice and smiled. Steve sang out the lyrics with his whole chest.

You know that it's not over

It's okay to let yourself hurt

Swimming in the murky water

Won't you come on out? Yeah, yeah

You know that it's not over

It's okay to let yourself hurt

Swimming in the murky water

Won't you come on out? Yeah, yeah

He could hear a lot more voices raise with his as he sang the last chorus as the band tapered off. "Come on, beggers!"

We sing a beat-down, washed-up beggar's song

And we sing it even louder when the money is gone

Because we'll be damned if we let it keep us down, yeah, yeah

Oh, I'm a beat-down, washed-up son of a bitch

I got one more cigarette and all my money is spent

But I'ma be damned if I let it keep me down

For an embarrassing moment, Steve thought he might fucking cry at the roars from the bar. Yeah, it was a few dozen regulars, drunkards, and partiers blitzed out of their minds, but it was leagues above his self doubt's worst case scenario. He had to swallow hard more than once before he felt confident enough to talk into the mic again. 

"See, that wasn't so bad, was it, you assholes?" Steve knew he was probably smiling like an idiot, but it was hard to care. "Give a hand to the band, they had like two days to fucking practice my crap, holy shit."

The bar clapped and yelled for them. The band looked pleased with the positive attention and a few waved back. One flipped off the audience much to their delight.

"Now, the rest of the songs are covers, the good shit, I promise." Steve announced. "So spend your fucking money, don't forget to tip, and enjoy."

They ended up playing some Nirvana, a little The Clash of course, Dead Kennedys, Siouxsie and the Banshees, through in a Motley Crüe song, and topped it off with his beloved Queen.

To Steve's honest surprise and giddiness, there was a demand for an encore of Beggar's Song. He led them through it one more time before ending for the night. Closing time was in less than an hour and he wanted to help Robin out with last call.

They got a decent amount of tips that he let the band take the lion's share of, but still got a sweet fifteen bucks on top of the thirty his boss had already paid him. He'd be able to buy some pretty good food for him and Robin this month.

That's all I got for now!

The backstory is Robin and Steve moved together somewhere after Robin got kicked out for coming out to her parents.

Maybe she stayed with Steve until her parents told his parents and they called to tell him to send her home, whatever. Robin and Steve decided to strip whatever they could from the house, sell it, sneak into her room while her parents were gone to pack, and they rode off into the sunset. 

Now they have a shitty apartment, jobs at a shitty bar, and they've never been happier. ❤

I have plans to bring Billy and Eddie into it later.

Two Nights Ago

Robin: I volunteered you for a gig

Steve: I've only sang in front of you!

Robin: it's time to fly, I'm kicking you out of the nest, dingus

Steve: does this make you my mama bird?

-Robin throws a pillow at him-

Steve: how could you do this to your child!

[v4mplov3]

Roadtrip <3

Bf!Chris x Gf!Reader

use of Y/n

Warnigs: metions of a boner. Pet name (Ma) FLUFFY

It was around 5 am. Chris woke up early since you and his brothers had a roadtrip.

He hits your sleeping body with a pillow. “Y/nn!!! Wakeee upppp!!!!” Chris shouts. “Mmmm…Chris..five more minutes..” You say sleepily. “Nooo sleepyhead! Get up and get readyy!!” Chris shouts again. “Fine, fine..im up!” You yell. Chris walks out of his room to wake Nick and Matt up. You throw yourself outta bed and walk into ur closet.

You grab a white oversized shirt, pj pants, and thin black socks. You walk into the bathroom and put them on. You brush your hair and teeth. You walk downstairs and see sleepy Nick and Matt, then Chris who is jumping around. “Goddamn, how does this kid have so much fucking energy at five in the morning?” Nick says. “Its Chris that your talking about, Nick.” Matt says.

Chris practically jumped into your arms. “Chris!” You shout. He wraps his arms around your waist and kisses your forehead. “Gross..” Matt speaks up and he walks to his room, to finish up the last of his packing. Nick goes to his room to do the same. “Chris. Dont you even think about it” you say. Chris pouts and runs to his room. You follow him. “You done packing?” You ask him. “Mhm” He mumbles. “Tooth brush, charger, headphones?” You ask. He groans and walks into the bathroom. He grabs his toothbrush, walks out and puts it in his suitcase. He grabs his charger and airpods and puts them in his pocket.

“So you didnt finish?” you say. “Shut uup!!” Chris shouts. “Fine.” You say, crossing your arms and looking away. “No no no! Wait, Y/n im sorry! Please dont ignore me!” Chris pleas. “Thats what i thought.”

———-timeskip———

5:47 am. Matt was driving, and Nick was in the passenger seat. You and Chris were in the back. You in his lap, sleeping, your head resting on his shoulder. Chris is also sleeping, his arms wrapped around your waist. Nick had the aux, he was playing, doja cat, Nicki Minaj, Melanie Martinez, Ariana Grande, and stuff like that. Matt was dying of thirst. “Fuckkk..im so thirsty.” Matt says.

“Theres a gas station right there, dumb fuck. Stop there.” Nick says. Matt pulls into the gas station and parks. Nick pauses the music, takes the cord out and puts his phone into his pocket. Nick and Matt get out. “Chris! Y/n! Wake up!”

All four went into the gas station.

Chris and Nick walk off, leaving you and Matt alone. “You and Chris are gross.” Matt says. “Your just jealous, because you dont have a girlfriend.” You say. “And what if i did?” Matt says. “Then you wouldnt be calling us gross. Because you would understand.” You say, walking into the candy aisle. You grab a bag of sour patch kids and some gummy worms.

Matt follows you. “Yea but i still would think your gross! Chris is constantly clinging to you, calling you names, kissing you and saying he loves you.” Matt said. “Yea, because thats how relationships work, Matt.” You say defending yourself and Chris. “Fine.”

You and Matt eventually find Chris and Nick who are arguing about whatever. “Stop, were in public!” You say. “Y/nnn!!!” Chris says looking at you and jumping into your arms. “Chris get off.” You say. He gets off and grabs his two pepsi’s from Nick. “I got one for you ma.” Chris says handing you one of the surgar infested sodas.

“Thank you.” You say taking it. Matt grabs a redbull and Nick grabs a monster. (a/n: idk if Nick likes monster but js pretend he does.) You all walk up to the cashier and put your stuff on the counter. Matt pulls out his wallet and pays. The cashier eyes Chris. She practically has hearts in her eyes. You give her a glare. You all grab the bags and walk out.

You all get into the car. “Did you see the way that ugly ass bitch was looking at Chris?” Nick says from the passenger. “Yea.” Matt says, putting the key in and turing on the car. Matt drives out of the gas station. “I didnt like it.” You say looking over at Chris, who already had his airpods in and looking at his phone.

Nick plays music again. You stare at Chris. Chris obviously feels someone looking at him so he looks up at you. He smiled and takes one of his airpods out. “Need somethin?” He asks softly. You shake your head no. He nods, puts the airpod back in and looks back down at his phone.

You get on your phone and play a random game you downloaded before you guys went.

———-Timeskip———

8:35 A.M. You guys arive to the waterpark. (A/n: i had no idea that this is were they were going when i started writing this, and pretend the only waterpark that was open at 8:00 am was 3 hours away. And you guys wanted to go when there was no line at the entrance.) Matt parks. Theres only 3-4 cars in the parking lot. You all get out and go to the trunk and grab your beach bags.

You all walk into the water park. Matt pays. You go into the lady changing rooms, and the 3 boys go into the mens. You walk into a small room, that has tile floors. You shut and lock the door. You grab your red bikini out of ur bag.

(It looks like this)

You take off ur clothes and shoes, and put it on. You know it would turn Chris on so thats why you brought it. You put ur socks and converse into your bag and grab your sandals. You put them on. You grab your bag, unlock and open the door. You walk out and into the indoor water park.

Chris Nick and Matt were all waiting for you by a bench. You walk over and set your bag down where their bags were. You take off your sandals and put them on the bench next to your bag.

——-Timeskip——-

8:56 A.M. You were sitting on Chris’ lap in a lounge chair. Matt and Nick are off somewhere, goimg down water slides and playing like little kids. “Fuck..ma, your making me hard..” Chris says pulling your hips up a bit so your not sitting directly on him.

“Sorry.” You say.

After a few painful minutes, Chris finally puts you back down after his boner went away. You cuddle up to him.

“I love youuu…” He says burying his face in your neck.

“I love you more..”

Matt and Nick run over. Matt slaps the back off Chris’ head and runs off and jumps into one of the pools. “Fuck you!!” Chris shouts. “Hold on ma.” Chris says, and picks you up. He stands up and sets you on the chair. He

A/n: OKAY I DECIDED TO UPDATE THIS BEFORE I GO ON BREAK LOL BC I DONT WANT YALL WAITING A WEEK FOR ONE UPDATE!!! Im going on a break bc im sick :(( But i hope i get better! Have an amazing day/night! :))

[leelahsrose]

HONEY| LIL MEECH.

chapter six.

"𝙄 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙨, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙙."

-Sade, circa 1993

5:30PM

"Is he doing better?" Khaleesi paces the fancy restroom, she attempts to talk loudly over the classical music. The short train on the gown she wears comes to a halt as she turns and looks in the mirror. She pulls up at the sides of her black dress—fixing her breast into place, Kamari's voice on the other side of the phone rambles on as she does so.

"He doing way better, I got him at home resting: got some people circling his place to make sure he good." As Kamari promised, he got Khaleesi home on time: after fixing up his friend's wound she rushed to the shower to wash off his scent then got dressed. She holds her phone between her shoulder and ear, her eyes glancing toward the door every few seconds. "You ain't find no colleges did you?"

Khaleesi knows he doesn't want her to go, the anxiousness in his voice stuck out. She bites down on the corner of her bottom lip, her hand clutching the phone. "I did, I saw a couple good ones but, it's too early to decide. My dad was... he was thinking about Atlanta." Her voice was low, barely audible. Her father has been wanting Khaleesi to be an alumna at Spelman, she would be the first in the family to graduate from college and an HBCU.

She hears silence on the other end but, it said a lot. "I know you your own woman and shit but, Leesi, I don't want you to go."

"You know it's my dad, I don't want to go either. But, I have to—"

"No you don't, wait, hold on baby— what the fuck you want, nigga? Damn." He takes his mouth away from the receiver, his booming voice trailing off. Khaleesi shakes her head then rakes her fingers through the ends of her hair, she curled it earlier but now they were starting to fall. "All you gotta do is say the word, you know?" His low voice coming back into the phone, she squeezes the counter in front of her. "And I'd get you out of there, with the quickness: for real."

Khaleesi shifts back and forth on her feet, she didn't know what to say. She didn't understand how he would get her without anyone dying. "That's dangerous." She interjects, her voice sharp: his raspy laugh now in her ear. "Nigga, what's funny?"

"So that's a yes?"

"I don't want anything to happen to you, Kamari please." Khaleesi begs quietly, she rolls her eyes.

"Nothing is going to happen to me, I got this. In and out, 20 minutes." She stomps her foot then crosses her free arm over her chest, Khaleesi sighs and shakes her head—what would Kali think? "Baby, trust me, please."

"When the time comes."

"Okay, be ready for our date though."

"What you mean? We're doing that tonight?"

"Hell yea, I'mma be there around 10: I'll come help you pack a bag." That only meant that Khaleesi had to get Kali to cover for her again. She already told their mother she went to a sleepover with one of her girl friends for last night.

"Kali has to cover for me again, I don't think she's going to do it though. I'm sorry, baby. We can do it another time."

"Nah, she gonna cover for you again. I think she seeing my homeboy."

"What?!" Khaleesi's eyebrows crease as she looks towards the door, her heart dropping to the pit of her stomach. "Boy, what the hell are you talking about? She hates y'all."

"He told me last night, said they met at the gas station that night but she didn't know at first." Khaleesi thinks back on the time she first seen Kamari, trying to see if there was any time throughout the night Kali wasn't accounted for.  She hears a dainty knock on the bathroom, her head switches over to the door. "I gotta go, I'll talk to you later."

"I love you, perpetually." Khaleesi smiles, her nails tapping against the counter: her head completely empty.

"I like that, I love you perpetually." She hangs up and presses the phone against her chest, Khaleesi rushes over to the door then pulls it open. Kali stands on the other side, her embellished blue gown sparkling under the lobby's lights. "We need to talk."

"Not right now, mom is waiting for us. Let's go." Khaleesi walks out of the restroom and into the crowd of people with her sister. Kali grabs her hand and begins to walk down the corridor, her eyes scanning the various individuals.

"Kali."

"What?"

"Are you seeing one of Mari's people?" Kali stops moving all of a sudden, she looks back at Khaleesi and squints her eyes. She leads them to one of the side walls, pushing her against the wallpaper.

"That is none of your business."

"It is my business because Mari is my business. What happened to not fucking the enemies?"

"Bitch, we're not fucking." Khaleesi purses her lips, not believing a single word coming from her mouth.

"Maybe once. It's still none of your business, I'm a grown woman whose about to move out. They won't care."

"You're a hypocrite and a lying ass bitch." Khaleesi rips her hand from her grip then crosses her arms over her chest. "You will continue to cover for me—"

"No the fuck I'm not-"

"Yes, you will. Or I swear I will tell mom about the club and how you influenced me to go and stirred me away from school. Don't, cross me again. Have you lost your mind?" Khaleesi scowls and continues to walk down the hall, Kali's eyebrows crease as she treads after her.

"Khaleesi." She ignores her, continuing her movement. "Come on, okay I know I should've told you. I'm sorry, we always forgive each-other. What's different about this time?"

"Because, Kali, you made me feel like being in love with Kamari is wrong, saying that he's an enemy and what not but you're doing the same shit. That's fucked up. Can you not see how that's messed up?!" She slightly yells at the end causing several eyes to move over to the sisters, Kali looks around and shuffles them over to the side once again.

"Yes that's fucked up, I get it. I'm sorry, Leesi. You know it's still dangerous though, right?"

"I don't want to hear that right now."

"It's the truth."

"No, the truth is that me and you are in danger. You're not excluded from this, you're still very much a Taylor like me. Bitch, get real." And with that, Khaleesi leaves Kali in a pool of her own thoughts and regrets.

10:00 PM

same day

Khaleesi looks down at Mari's text lighting up her screen, he was on the way. Her TV was already turned off, bed made-up to perfection: the silence that hugs the room was comforting to her. The rose-colored duffle bag on her bed was already packed and zipped up, she sits her phone on top of it and walks to the bathroom to the side of her. She fixes her multicolored headband then flicks a piece of lint off her cheek.

"Khaleesi!" She hears her name and her head cocks back toward the door, her heart beginning to race. Kali had already told their mother she was staying with her girl friend again, what was it now? Her phone begins to ring and she sighs, Kamari's name popping up.

"Here."

"My mom wants to talk to me, what do I do?" Kali opens her door and comes in, shutting it behind her. Khaleesi looks over at her, wondering what she wanted.

"She wants to meet your friend, the one you're staying with? He better come up with something quick cause I can't think of anything else and Nizhoni is busy."

"Did you-"

"I got it, I came prepared trust me." Khaleesi nods her head and hangs up, she tosses her phone on her bed and breathes out a frustrating breath.

"That's all he has to say is trust me? Leesi, mom thinks she's already here to pick you up. If he can't come up with a physical human being within five minutes, I don't know what to tell you."

"He got it, trust him Kali, shit." The doorbell startles both of them, they both gaze at one another: wide-eye and anxious. They move to the door at the same time, Khaleesi goes out first and races down the stairs.

"Whose that?" Alicia Taylor treads out of the kitchen with a towel in her hand, she wipes her palms and tilts her head. Khaleesi opens the door and a young brown-skinned woman stands there, a friendly smile on her face as she holds a pair of keys in her right hand.

"Mom, this is Tracy." Khaleesi thinks of a name quickly, she turns around and stands to the side letting her come into their residence. Alicia smiles and walks towards her, greeting her with a small hug.

"It's certainly nice to meet you Mrs. Taylor, it's nice helping Leesi with her paper. She's doing really good."

"Oh—that's great to hear, my baby she's so smart. It's good to finally meet you as well, wanted to make sure she wasn't running off with no boy now." Alicia laughs amusingly, the three girls all share nervous looks as they chuckle quietly. "Well, I won't keep y'all long. Enjoy studying, Khaleesi don't stay up to late, I'll see you?"

"I'll be back tomorrow night, wanna work on it some more later that day. I won't be too long, ma, I'm just ten minutes away."

"Alrighty then, I'll call to check up on you, try to make it back before dinner? Q is coming over, you know how hard it is to get all of us together."

"Yes mam." Alicia smiles gently and walks back into the kitchen, they all stare at her as she does so. Khaleesi looks over at Kali and walks over to her, she wraps her arms around her sister and hugs her tightly. "Thank you, I'm sorry about earlier. I'll be back, don't worry he has me. It's cool." Leesi pecks her cheek and pulls away, Kali nods her head agreeing silently.

"Let's go, girl, what's your real name?" Khaleesi's voice fades out as Kali shuts the door, the young lady laughs and places her hand on her shoulder: leading Leesi to Kamari's car down the block.

"Kecia, call me Key though." They had walked for several minutes before coming to his car, Khaleesi's heart begins to jump up and down in her chest. "I took my own ride here, he told me to come earlier just in case something like this popped up."

"Well, thank you so much. Hopefully, he rewarded you gracefully for this. It means a lot."

"I love black love, and yep gave me a band." Kecia laughs as she holds the stack up to her ear, she treads away: further down the street. Khaleesi smiles then bites her lip, she walks over to the car and hops in the passenger seat. A set of arms wrap around her, Kamari.

"Baby." His lips attack her cheeks viciously, her fits of laughter fill the car. Khaleesi kisses him, her hand holding onto his bicep. "Mmm." She pulls away, her plump lips smacking on his: he wanted more but she didn't allow it. Her finger resting against his soft lips, she tilts her head and reaches over to turn on the car.

"Let's go, Kamari come on I'm excited. We can do this later, I promise." She smiles and pushes his shoulder, he laughs and puts the car into gear.

"Okay, okay I got you. Let's go." His voice smooth and full of charisma, she takes her shoes off and pulls her legs in the seat. Her fingers reaching over to lock the two-door car. "Don't ask me where we going either, it's a surprise."

"You play too much."

"Nigga, I'm tryna be romantic."

"Sorry, you're doing a good job." She rubs his shoulder and he looks down at her: they laugh together and he smiles brightly. Kamari grabs her bag and puts it in the backseat, she puts her seatbelt over her body then feels a warmth take over her.

"Here. A/C be blowing, you finna get cold soon: and before I forget." A blue blanket sits in her lap, it was the one that's usually laid out on his bed. Kamari reaches to the back one last time before pulling out a black square box filled with clipped red roses. The red color vibrant as can be, she gasps and takes them in her hands. One thing Khaleesi loves is flowers—trees, plants, any type of nature.

"They're beautiful."  The tips of her nails touching the delicate petals, she takes a whiff of them and hums. "And fresh, thank you, love." Khaleesi leans in and pecks his cheek, he looks over at her—disappointed. His lip up in a scowl as he stares at Khaleesi, she laughs. "What?"

"Give me a real kiss."

"We have to go, come on." Khaleesi goes back into her seat and holds onto her seatbelt, she looks over at him while pulling her blanket over her body: setting the roses on her lap.

"You cute."

They had drove for about two hours, Kamari was wide awake but Khaleesi had found herself knocked out in the passenger seat. Her face snuggled into the soft baby blue blanket, Mari's hand resting on her thigh as his other hand grips the top of the wheel. He pulls the black SRT up to the valet that was placed in front of a vast glass building.

"Baby." Khaleesi stirs a little she opens her eyes seconds later and sits up yawning. "We here." He opens the door then she throws the blanket into the backseat, Khaleesi gets out and hugs her beige coat around her body. She walks over to Kamari and leans her head on his shoulder, he takes her hand and leads them over to the steps.

Kamari hands the keys to a young man in a black suit, two other men pull up in SUVs and get out of the vehicles—coming behind the two. "This is beautiful, why are they here?" She whispers the last part then her lips land on his seconds later.

"Rented out the whole place for us, private exhibit views—didn't want anybody in our way. They're here because I want to be able to be as vulnerable with you as possible. "

"Red wine?" A man comes up to her, a small tray sitting on his palm with a glass of bubbling wine on top.

"Yes please." Khaleesi takes it in her hands then takes a sip of the alcohol. The sweet liquid buzzing on her tongue and swirling down her throat, she hums in agreement. They go into the museum, the soft studio lights surround the spacious room.

"An itinerary of the exhibits." Another gentleman coming up as he hands her a thick beige paper with black lettering, she takes it in her hands and thanks him quietly. Her eyes scanning the paper as her fingers squeeze Kamari's hand. The last exhibit on the paper named after her, with the word The before it.

"Baby, what's this?" She holds it out to him and he smiles, bending down to kiss Khaleesi on the cheek.

"You'll see." She lays her chin on his shoulder as they walk, gazing at the pieces in front of them one-by-one—every once in a while stopping to discuss. There were little white stands by every exhibit to the side, three lit ivory candles on each one. Khaleesi's heart fluttering every minute, she felt so peaceful in this moment. Nothing to worry about, not even Q. She felt safe.

"This is so nice." She says gently, her eyes staring up at the chandeliers: Kamari guiding her steps as she did so. They come to the last exhibit, before they could step foot into the room, he covers her eyes and she gasps. "Come on, Mari."

"Hold on, walk with me." He moves behind her causing her to do the same, they tread closer to the piece—the two men with them staying behind. "You ready?" He says in her ear, chills dance down her spine.

"Yes." He takes his hands off her eyes then wraps his arms around her waist, Khaleesi looks up and is met with a colorful and realistic portrait of her: various flowers from different species suspended in the air around the large canvas. Her hands instantly clasping over her mouth, tears already pricking at her eyes. "W-what?" She turns around, her face filled with bewilderment. "How did you—?"

"I know you surprised but, there's more." He takes her hand, leading her to the open space behind the portrait, a small place that's lit up only by candles.

A sea of red rose petals decorating the wood floor, a set of words spelled out in white. Khaleesi couldn't take it anymore, tears dropping from her eyes. "Will you be my girlfriend? Khaleesi Taylor?" She turns around, his eyes already pinned on her. "I know it's soon but, our bond—it's tight like honey. We've been through, everything together: you know that. I love you so much. It's okay, baby." He walks up to her, she looks down at his chest: her hands laying there.

Kamari wipes her cheeks with his thumbs, she gathers the courage to look up at him. She had finally had someone that had her, no more one-sided connections, or toxic individuals entering her life. This was it. She has someone who makes her feel safe, who appreciates her—and something like that was a thing she wants to fight for. She wraps her arms around his neck, her puffy face angling up towards his, Kamari pushes a couple pieces of hair to the side. "This means so much to me."

"Mhm, I know baby, I didn't get to show you actions back then but I'm showing them now. I need you to be with me." Khaleesi sighs, her heart thumping against her chest.

"This is going to be dangerous, Mari."

"Let me show you how far I go for you."

"Yes." They shift back and forth on their feet as they look at one another, Khaleesi had took his hands into hers—pecking him several times on the lips. "I'm yours."

[overflowing-with-words]

someday, i will lose you to the stars and the moon | harumi j. [pt.2]

[part one]

a/n: includes heavy Harumi and Lloyd friendship interactions, don’t read it if you don’t like that and/or feel strongly against any type of Harumi+Lloyd friendship. follows the last episode of crystallized, mostly canon compliant until the end of that episode. 

tw: death, blood, malnourishment, hospitalized scenes, mind control, ptsd [flashbacks].

also on ao3

☼ ☼ ☼

In the end—, well, the end before the end, the one where her life doesn’t officially end but to her there isn’t anything else left but a year or two (if she’s lucky) of wasting away in hospitals and stuffy rooms. In the end, it’s Wu who gets stuck with telling her the news, and she listens to him talk endlessly about how it shouldn’t hurt, how she’ll fade away like her life force is being leaked back into the Departed Realm because that’s exactly what’s happening, isn’t it?

It doesn’t matter how it’s happening, cause she’s dying, and that’s all there is to it. The Overlord may have dragged her back kicking and screaming into life again with his crystal force bullshit, but when he’s gone, she’ll just melt back into the place she was always meant to be. 

The ninja (or Lloyd, coaxing it out of them behind the scenes as she suspects) give her a hospital room, free of charge, and she wonders if it’s because they’re still too moralistic to make a dying person pay or if they just don’t want to see her for any reason, anymore. She’d understand.

 (Whatever, it’s whatever, she doesn’t even want to have to deal with all that, Harumi tells herself, and ignores the pulse of hurt in her chest everytime one of them looks at her.)

Said hospital room faintly resembles more of a miniature studio apartment, if said studio apartment had sterile white walls, pill bottles lining the walls and wires snaking out of machines everywhere. Harumi likes it. Small and cosy, she tells herself. Small and cosy, definitely. Definitely not because her heart stutters when she catches a glimpse of the sky, the Departed Realm and it’s expanse of nothing flashing before her eyes. The point is, she likes it well enough, and well, it’s not like she can go anywhere else if she doesn’t.

Lloyd comes by her room when he’s doing check-ups on his arm— or, well, check ups on the arm that isn’t there anymore, or is it technically the stump? (she isn’t sure, when Harumi looks too long her stomach twists and turns like a gymnast on the high bars and there is a voice in her head chanting your fault, your fault, and replays the gory, bloody scene of the Overlord taking off his arm like a sick B-grade horror movie from the gas station.)

On the okay days, they talk about stupid things, like the newest rip off villain or funny cat videos, and Harumi forgets that he was the boy she spent her whole life trying to kill (for a little while, at least.) Lloyd ransacks the sad lonely vending machine on the second floor that no one ever uses, and tells her about that day’s newest fan edit he’s discovered online, the stupid robbery they took out recently, or the excessive amount of hair gel that lives in their bathroom. 

On the better days, he convinces her to go with him to visit the children’s rooms, and she picks at crappy hospital jello and watches him entrance five year olds with neon green eyes and fancy gi that she knows he only wears for public events. 

There’s a moment before things get too bad, before she’s falling asleep every hour and tied to her feeding tube, when Lloyd’s still free enough to visit her every week and Ninjago’s out of danger at the moment. He throws a hoodie over his training gi and she dons a ugly hospital sweater and they sneak out to roam Ninjago’s newly rebuilt streets, trekking mud across the clean brick and lined cement as Lloyd eats preztels from the (multiple) bags they stole from the vending machine, (“Hey, I’m the green ninja, they can afford to lose a dollar bag of preztels to me.”), all the while igonoring all her very valid comments about how it expired two years ago, and if the Overlord couldn’t take him out, food poisoning will. 

They trail across rooftops and Harumi sits on a air conditioning vent and watches Lloyd dangle on the edge of a balcony, practicing his Airjitsu (although she’s pretty sure he’s doing it for the main point of showing off his skills). They play the latest pop music from his phone, humming along ridiculously off-key, Lloyd blares the newest rock band he’s found to indulge in while she complains at the outrageous amount of screaming and electric guitar involved, and Harumi can’t help wondering if this is what could’ve happened if only she had turned out normal. 

(But it’s too late to wonder, so she doesn’t linger on the thought for more than a few seconds, and if she does so otherwise that’s nobody’s business but hers. After all, she’s the one wasting away in a hospital room at sixteen, isn’t she?)

Harumi is stirring tea late at night, an odd tang of what tastes like forest leaves and ginger filling the room (god, why did she trust Wu’s recipes), when the taste of iron seeps into her mouth, and she reaches up to find she’s having a rather intense nosebleed. And the last time she had one was when she was eight and ran into a wall, but she’s pretty sure nosebleeds aren’t supposed to be mixed with a suspicious glowing purple, so she does the rational thing, leans over the counter, and throws up. 

She sits on the floor and watches the violet liquid drip down her shirt and dissipate into the air and seriously considers emergency dialing Lloyd’s number on the phone, one of the things Kai told her not to do, ever, because fuck, who else would know about this sort of thing? (but she doesn’t because he’s done enough and she’s. Well. She’s tired, and she’s going to die anyway, so this new thing doesn’t really matter.)

Garmadon comes by once, late at night, and she isn’t sure how exactly he got in but she’s glad for any kind of company, now that Lloyd’s getting too busy to come as often as he used too. They talk, light hearted conversations about the green eyed boy that wormed his way into both their hearts and how Ninjago City is doing.  (Harumi finds herself lessening her pain drugs  to listen to him with a clearer head and another voice into her head whispers soft, and maybe this time it’s right.)

 Then all too quickly, the familiar biting pain is cutting into her chest and her eyes are slipping shut, and Harumi doesn’t have time to say everything else she wants to before she’s dragged down into the black pooling in her vision.

“I’m sorry,” he says, right before the darkness claims her again, but he doesn’t say what he’s sorry for and she couldn’t possibly imagine what he could be sorry for. After all, she’s the one who dragged him kicking out of the underworld, wasn’t she? 

It is weeks before the end and Harumi is floating on a cloud of pain drugs and fear when Lloyd slips through the sterile white door, worried green eyes blinking down at her. She should turn him away, save him from more needless pain, more trauma and more friends dying in front of his eyes, but she doesn’t. 

No, she stays silent and lets him sit down on the shitty plastic chairs and start telling her about how hard it is to put on a training gi with a metal arm, like have you ever tried, and then there’s no stopping from there.

Harumi bites back the smile that threatens to show and settles into her nest of blankets a little more. Later, she tells herself, but later never comes. 

“I’m scared,” she confesses to him, when their conversation has dulled to a quiet moment, and she is. She’s scared that she’ll end up in the empty space of nothingness again, she’s scared that she’ll be stuck alone forever she’s scared that she’ll never get to see her parents again she’s so so so scared, and—

“I’ll call in all the stupid favors my grandfather owes me,” Lloyd interrupts, and takes her hand, holding it tight enough like he’ll be able to anchor her to the earth. “I will. Get you one of the best places in– in Ninjago heaven, or whatever. The best realm. Maybe he can even get you those stupid preztels you like, up there. Or down there, I don’t know.”

His bright gaze softens, and turns a little more serious than she’s used to. “You’ll see your parents again, Rumi. You will.” Harumi can’t fight the smile that tugs at her lips. Stupid pretzels that you like, she wants to retort, but she hasn’t had the chance to reply to a lot of things recently.

☼ ☼ ☼

[part one] [part three]

[bonbonshideout]

Alex Williams - a short version

Since I mentioned him w/ the Leo interactions, I figured I should properly introduce him now ᗡ:

---○

Alex Williams, currently 18, is a run away teen, having grown up in a not so great home after the passing of his father when he was 3.

His mom is a sweet American woman whilst his late father was of Ecuadorian & African decent, he was born as a mixed baby, but as he grew older, he looked a bit more like his father.

After his father passed, his mother's childhood friend managed to get into their family, having his mother marry the man who came to be his step-father, at first Alex tried to warm up to him, he drew things for him when he was in elementary, he helped around the house to keep his mom from stressing too much with work and household chores and just tried being a good child overall. However, in the eyes of Tim (his step-father), he was nothing more than useless; a reminder of the man he despised.

Every so often, or whenever he really felt like it, he began using Alex as an object to let out his pent up anger, punches, kicks, simple insults; eventually getting to the point where Susan— Alex's mother— would become a victim of the abuse, causing her to spiral and start to drink, when she was drunk she ended up hurting her son in the process, Alex never blamed her though.

Finding a kitten and taking him in, not knowing Tim was allergic, hiding the kitten as a safety measure as he didn't know how they would react to it, only to one day return and see the kitten laying on his blood soaked pillow and its intrails on the pillow.

He resented Tim since, he heard of dark magic and white magic, thinking something could help him with his cat, so he began looking into it, though he always seemed to end up in a dead end, leaving him to bury his furry friend.

As he attended middle and high school, he got involved in the photography club. He loved going around and taking pictures of anything and everything, giving him an excuse to stay out of the house.

Eventually, finding a lead on necromancy and a few blood rituals, in high school (junior year) he decided to give it a try and managed to bring Luna (his cat) back, however, instead of the furry kitty he rescued years ago, she was now a skeleton with a black forcefield like bubble keeping her bones together. He was satisfied with that and loved her no less.

Things continued to get worse, until one day whilst Alex was in school, Tim had finally decided to kick him out, throwing every and all of Alex belongings outside the house onto the snow, Alex returning later in the day to find everything, he didn't seem to care as much as he thought he would. He dumped out his school supplies from his bag and began stuffing things he would need (i.e. clothes, shoes, a blanket, his wallet), and like that, he leaves.

A few hours later, receiving a text from his mother asking him where he was, he decided not to answer as he was still in town, now wanting her to find him. He managed to get a gun from a nearby gun shop, the man having been a friend of his late father, as well as getting some supplies from a family owned business who were friends with his mother, giving him food and drinks so he could last a good while. After a week of sleeping in gas station bathroom and behind stores, he say flyers with his pictures and name, he panicked and made his way to a hair salon where he got his hair dyed pink and got a new hair style. Running from town and wandering the woods, receiving text after texts from his mother, finally choosing to reply as she could no longer find him properly.

Now 18 and wandering around, he enjoys taking pictures of his surroundings. When sitting down to rest for the day, he goes through his pictures only to realize he has captured pictures of murders occurring. He was a bit surprised but didn't believe what he saw, thinking it was a trick of the light; sending those pictures to his phone to look at them further only to conclude that he infact had captured a murder taking place.

Basic Alex information:

Name: Alex, C. Williams

DOB: 6.15

Height: 5'6"

Ethnicity: Ecuadorian & African-American

Sex: ♂️

Sexuality: Gay

Companion(s): Luna (cat)

Hobby/occupation: photographer

Ngl, even though I added creepypasta tags... idk if I actually wanna keep him within this Fandom as a bystander & not a killer, but we'll see lol

[harmofud]

How to not get hate-crimed when in an unsupportive area from the perspective of someone who has lived in the US southeast for her entire life:

If you've never had to hide before, I'm sorry. This will be new and uncomfortable. Look up the politics of places before you go. The region itself might be hateful and ugly, but the cities might be fine.

Rule 1: No physical affection in public if you're in a same-sex relationship. Don't hold hands, don't kiss on the head, don't do anything a couple would do physically in public.

Rule 2: Avoid places where there are few people. This includes going out at night, going to a gas station in very rural areas, etc etc. If you have to, adhere closely to Rule 1. You might be able to be a little loose with it during the day in crowded locations, but don't do it at all when around few people.

Rule 3: Get rid of any kind of political bumper stickers on your car, on your shirts, on your jackets, fucking anything. No politics. Be apolitical. For God's sake, don't talk about being queer unless with other queers.

Rule 4: No dyed hair. This might seem ridiculous, but in the US southeast at the least it's seen as something that can indicate queerness. Dyed hair + pronoun pins no matter if you're trans or cis will get you looked at. This goes doubly for anybody who appears to be a man.

Rule 5: Don't mention pronouns. Don't correct anyone. Let them have it. If they see you as a man or a woman, then that's what they see you as. If you know the person well, you can correct, but if you don't, don't fucking say a thing.

Rule 6: If you are just starting to transition, do your best to avoid going to public restrooms in general. Try to find single person family restrooms or single rooms. If you have to go to the bathroom and simply cannot wait, go to the one that you pass as the most. People tend to look at face and body type. Don't speak in a public restrooms if you can avoid it.

Rule 7: For your own safety, don't wear pride flag gear out in public. The only exception is Pride itself, but take it off as soon as you can.

So far these are the rules I've found that have worked. This is restrictive and ridiculous, and in a perfect world we wouldn't have to do this. But this isn't a perfect world, and sometimes, if there's no significant queer community and there's no tolerant population centers, the safest thing you can do is hide as best you can. Areas that have pride flags on the outside tend to be safer, as the above states. If anybody wants to add on anything I didn't think of, feel free.

[boogey-edits]

RUBBER

hi! this is an original story. i tried my best but i might lose motivation sometimes or the chapters might be short. so bare with me please. anyways, please read the warnings before starting.

WARNINGS: drugs, self h@rm, harmful thoughts, violence, suic!de, smoking, vaping, cussing, smut, and SA. please do NOT read if this will trigger anything for you. there are resources for help over google and pinterest. read with caution. if you are underage, i don't recommend this.

description: I snap the rubber band on my wrist. snap, snap, snap. And sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I snapped. If I just broke. Would it be how Milo snapped? Or something else. Fuck it. snap.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

People say things will get better. People say to just keep trying because everything will be amazing soon and that I won’t have thoughts that apparently normal people wouldn’t have. But what if things don’t get better? What if maybe I’m allegedly not normal? What am I made for in life then if I’m a sad, lonely bitch who cries at the bus stop next to the gas station while I wait to go home to my parents. My family isn’t awful, so I should be more grateful. I know it’s true, but why do I feel like no one cares or loves me? I’m trapped in this self-pity and it’s fucking exhausting. So what happens when I snap out of the rubber band holding me together? What happens when that band snaps? Do I commit suicide? Will I get better? Do I do something crazy like writing a song or some shit? It’s exhausting how my mind runs a thousand miles a minute. And how-

“Beatrix! Time for school!” My mom interrupts my thought process. I look down at myself and I’m not even ready for school. So, I reluctantly roll out of bed and brush my teeth as my mom waits. Sometimes I wonder how she’s so patient. I have no patience at all. I brush out my dyed ginger hair and ruffle up my bangs and short hair to add volume which my hair never has. Unfortunately, I was too tired to wash off my makeup last night and I don’t have time to redo it this morning, so it’s the school bathroom. I toss my makeup bag and wipes into my backpack and change into a baggy, vintage spiderman sweater I found in my closet with some jeans.

“BEATRIX!” My mom yells. I roll my eyes and grab my backpack, swinging it over my shoulder. “Coming mom.” I say, yelling back. I hopped down the stairs and put my shoes on before heading out to the car that my mom was getting back into from coming inside to yell for me. I get into the passenger side and set my backpack down. “How’d you sleep?” My mom asks, pulling out of the gravel driveway onto the regular, concrete road that my mom refuses to change the driveway to. “Fine, I guess.” I reply, not wanting to talk much. I felt guilty that it came out moody, I just don’t like talking to anyone. Ever. “Tone.” My mom reminds me which makes me roll my eyes. Surprisingly, she doesn’t yell at me and just keeps driving. I don’t focus much on the oak trees outside next to the road, or the stupid drivers that almost crash constantly. I focus on the thoughts running through my mind. The word “sorry” repeating through my mind as I think about how I responded to my mom. However, I don’t have the courage or responsibility to say it. So I stay silent in self-pity. I know it’s bad, but it’s a guilty feeling I have. And I just let it swallow me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once we reach the smalltown school of Georgetown, Colorado, I get out, not bothering to say bye to my mom. I don’t know why I’m rude to her. I have no reason to be, I just am. And that’s definitely a bad habit I should talk to my counselor about. As if she doesn’t tell my mom everything. But the truth is, I’m such a fucking blabber mouth that I tell her everything and she tells my parents. I know they know, they just don’t say anything. They don’t call me insane for having these train of thoughts, they just don’t speak about it. But I hear them arguing about it, every day.

I walk through the school, looking around me at all the high schoolers that go to school with me. Let’s just say, I’m known for my anger issues. And no one likes an angry girl that apparently has nothing to be angry about. But I could name a billion reasons why I get angry at everything. But I don’t need to bitch to all of you about it. Finally, I see Milo and Cyrus. Me and Milo have been best friends since kindergarten. I hate his girlfriend though. And no, it’s not that I have a crush on him or some weird shit, I’m lesbian. But, his girlfriend has just been giving him a hard time. Pressuring him into drugs, cigarettes, all that shit that isn’t for high schoolers. Cyrus is my everything though. Her blonde hair, ocean blue eyes, short and tiny. She’d be every teen movie dream. But what if a girl who is definitely fucked up likes her? Because I’m practically on my knees for her. She’s just everything to me. Why don’t I go for it? I’m sure I’d accidentally break her heart. And she’s fragile. I don’t want that to happen to her, she doesn’t deserve it.

Of course, by the time I get over to them, the bell rings. So no time to talk to my friends then? That’s shitty timing. Cyrus looks a bit down by the bell ringing but shrugged. “We have our first period together anyways. Let’s just walk and talk.” Cyrus suggests. Instantly, I nod. Wait, was that too quick? Do I look like a fucking puppy following around it’s owner? Well that sucks. “Yeah, sure. By the way, I can’t make it to the mall after school. Grace wants me to go to the diner around the corner again.” Milo said. Originally, we had all made plans to go to the mall. Of course, there is no mall in Georgetown. But there are a lot of shops all right next to each other and everyone calls it, “Historic Georgetown”, but we just call it the mall. And, you guessed it, Grace is Milo’s girlfriend. So graceful he won’t break up with her toxic ass. But I guess we all have someone toxic that we’re attached to, right? “Uh, that’s fine. We’ll see if we can find anything you’d like.” I reply with a small smile even though I’m a bit pissed since we had already made plans. But Milo really loves Grace so I won’t get in the way of that despite my judgment on her. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jealousy. It’s an ugly feeling. I wouldn’t say that I want Milo to pay more attention to me because I like him, it’s just that his girlfriend is all he talks about now. He isn’t the same anymore and it’s worrying me. He’s stopped communicating when he’s usually a chatterbox that you’d have to slap tape over his mouth to shut him up, and he just always looks..empty. Not the same Milo I knew a year ago. I’m just worried about him. And I hope the drugs aren’t getting to his head, and that his girlfriend isn’t either.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey everyone! I know that this is my first chapter and it’s not very long but I tried my best and I’m scared that if I close out of it, then I won’t work on it at all. But, thank you for reading this and if you have any ideas, please tell me.

[crygimethydgoode]

Just Take Me Home chapter 6 - Tia Kofi x La Grande Dame, Plane Jane x Nymphia Wind summer in Italy college abroad/tour guide AU

“You want to see the real Italy? Come with me.” Tia’s laughter stopped.

“What?” She asked, letting out a somewhat nervous giggle that she had practiced over 1000 times in the mirror.

“I have a friend in the city with a car. I borrowed it from her last trip to escape this hell city,” Dada explained. Tia could only look at her. The once intimidating, dismissive French girl with the platinum blonde hair and long legs was now smiling expectantly at her, eyebrows raised, waiting for her answer. Tia looked out at the city again. Wondering if this was it. “Tia,” Dada muttered, voice warm. Tia’s head turned back to her. “Don’t say no.”

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55522132/chapters/144314515

Masterlist

Chapter six

run - rome

i’ll hold onto you while we run (and we run and we run and we run)

…

“Dada… Maybe we should’ve just waited to leave tomorrow…”

“Well… it is the hotel’s fault. Not ours.”

“Yeah…”

Dada and Jane were murmuring from the front of the bus, watching in horrified silence as everyone fought in line for the bathroom, the combination of getting blackout drunk on the beach then driving down winding Italian roads into busy Rome doing nothing to help with their forming hangovers

“TIA IF YOU DON’T COME OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW I WILL HAVE TO PUKE OUT THE WINDOW.”

“NYMPHIA FUCK OFF!” Tia groaned, followed by the unmistakable sound of her throwing up. Dada couldn’t help but wonder what possessed Nymphia to take that extra bottle of wine to the back of the bus, she could see the girls passing it around earlier in the bus ride and deemed them absolute idiots. And of course, here was the outcome.

“Okay… I’m pulling over at the next stop.” Gothy rolled her eyes, getting off the next exit within minutes and stopping at a gas station. “Go puke in the bushes.”

Nymphia and Crystal bolted off the bus, hands cupped over their mouths. Dada saw Tia was just laying across the back seats, eyes open but glazed over.

“Tia… come on. You need fresh air…” Dada rubbed her shoulder soothingly, Tia just swatted it away.

“Leave me here to die.”

“Tia, come outside, you will feel better.”

“How are you not dying right now?” Tia groaned, horrified that if she moved she would hurl all over Dada, which would not be a cute follow up to their kiss on the beach. Dada couldn’t help but smile as she grabbed Tia’s hand to help her up.

“Cause we have to take care of you. Come on.”

Half an hour later Gothy, Jane, and Dada felt safe enough to drive back to Rome. Hopefully the group would just sleep for the rest of the three and a half hours. Tia was laid across the two seats behind Gothy, Jane and Dada sat in the seats across from her. Nymphia slept with her head leaned against Crystal’s, too tired and miserable to act disgusted. All Dada wanted was to fall asleep, she felt absolutely miserable too. But she stayed awake with Jane and Gothy in solidarity, too tired to talk.

The rest of the ride went by quick enough, Dada was content to listen to Jane rant, ramble, and gush about Nymphia. She nodded along politely but swore she could still feel her lips buzzing. She knew they would all black out that night, but knew somehow she would never be able to forget today.

“The hotel’s about twenty minutes away, you might wanna start waking people up,” Gothy suggested eventually, letting out a big yawn. “Thank fucking god, honestly.”

“You did good Gothy. Kudos, sister.”

“Fuck you Jane. Never again. Never again.”

Dada and Jane started to wake the group up, going to the back first so Tia, Nymphia, and Crystal could sleep just a little longer. (Jane was scared to wake up Nymphia.) After patting a sobbing Vanjie’s hair, Dada moved further up the aisle to Tia.

“Tia… we will be at the hotel in twenty minutes… Tia. Tia… Bitch wake up,” Dada roughly shook Tia and she jolted awake.

“Why are you screaming?” She whispered hoarsely, sitting up in the window seat. Dada slid in next to her, Tia’s head immediately fell to her shoulder. “Twenty minutes? That’s so long…”

“Not really. Just sleep, I’ll wake you when we’re there.”

“Will you carry me in?”

“…no…”

Finally Gothy pulled the bus into the hotel parking lot. Jane carried Nymphia off the bus and into the hotel as Tia, Crystal, Dada, Gothy, and Vanjie stumbled in, arms linked together. Tia didn’t know why or when Vanjie joined them, but she was too tired to even begin to care. The girls stumbled up the stairs, Jane finally dropping Nymphia who just whined, too tired to get words out. Tia and Dada went into Dada’s room, Jane and Nymphia into Jane’s. Crystal and Vanjie decided to have a sleepover for who knows why.

Dada was glad Tia had changed into pajamas on the bus, she only had to gently push her towards the bed, guiding her to lay under the covers, still half asleep. After making sure a trashcan was on the floor by Tia’s head, Dada was quick to curl up next to her, passing out the minute her head hit the pillow, hoping her hangover tomorrow wouldn’t be too awful.

_

Tia woke up in bed the next morning to the sound of Dada running to the bathroom, hands clasped over her mouth.

“Dada???”

She winced as she heard poor Dada throwing up, hopefully into the toilet. “No… Dada…” Tia called weakly. She felt fucking horrible.

“Tia…”

She wanted to get up to help Dada but the second she moved she fell back into the bed like a ton of bricks. It seemed like none of the girls would be in very good shape that day. Tia couldn’t believe how ungodly drunk they had gotten the day before. While Gothy stopped at noon, their last drinks consisted of multiple rounds of aperol spritz’s at the restaurant, at some point in the bus ride Nymphia had snuck to the front to steal a bottle of wine from Jane while Tia was telling them about her and Dada because;

“You guys are literally making me crave red wine. Your story is just so beautiful…”

And that’s definitely when things took a turn for the worst. Tia cringed, barely able to remember how Dada basically tucked her in bed the night before. But her lips burned remembering how they had kissed just hours before. It was definitely because she was drunk. But not really. Tia was dead sober and couldn’t wait to do it again.

She found the strength to get up and wander into the bathroom where Dada was still bent over the toilet.

“I could get used to waking up like this,” Tia joked. Dada weakly laughed and let herself sit down, back against the bathtub. She was pale and sweaty but at least had half the mind to pull her hair into a messy floppy bun on top of her head.

“Yes this is all very domestic. I am never drinking again…” Dada groaned and her face was back in the toilet. Tia just sat next to her and rubbed her back.

“You’re doing great sweetie…”

Eventually Dada was able to stand up and rinse her mouth out with water.

“I have your room key. Gothy put her stuff in there last night. We are not leaving until noon so you can sleep in. I have to go make sure Jane is still alive.”

“Praying for you.”

Dada squeezed Tia’s shoulder, who was still sitting with her back against the tub. She slowly rose, following Dada out the door. Tia just wanted to kiss her but she knew her morning breath was insane, so she squeezed her hand and grabbed the key, wandering into her hotel room and collapsing on her bed.

And despite it being 7 am, a small giggle escaped Tia’s upturned lips, unable to believe the day before hadn’t all been a dream, unable to believe her lips had actually been that close to Dada’s. She couldn’t even bear to think about what Rome might hold in store for them. She fell back asleep, trying to ignore her pounding heart, wondering what Dada would sound like when she might finally whisper; “Are you bored? I’m bored.”

Tia woke again at 9:23, because now she really couldn’t ignore the pounding in her heart, the deep ache in her chest. Her heart was beating so fast now, it always did when she was alone in her room, fully allowing herself to think about Dada with wandering hands, every little fantasy she had. Whether they were innocently laying in bed whispering back and forth, or Dada was pulling Tia down a narrow alleyway, the both of them running, desperate to escape the group and find a secluded spot.

Fully awake and out of bed at 10:30, Tia gave herself an hour to shower and get dressed, taking her time for three days of “Rome done right.” Or that’s at least what Jane promised. She just hoped it wouldn’t be stupid and boring. This was probably where all the museums came into play, all the churches Dada had warned her about. But Tia was okay with that. According to Jane, history was beautiful and important and very interesting. And at least she let them sleep in a little.

Tia was early heading down to the hotel lobby, seeing Jane standing with only Nymphia and Crystal. Where was Dada? No way she was already calling another day of rest. Of course, Jane read her mind.

“Hey Tia! Dada will be right down, she just slept in a little. You excited for today?” She was enthusiastic but surprisingly calmer, maybe the fun (and stress) of beach day had finally worn her down. One could only hope. She was probably just lightly hungover.

“I’m pumped sister!” Tia fist bumped Jane, who looked a bit too happy about it for her liking. And then Dada was coming down the stairs, a light smile on her face.

“Good morning ladies,” she said almost sweetly, always in a good mood when they got to sleep in. Tia immediately put an arm around her waist, just because she knew she could. And because honestly, there was no going back from here. “Good morning Tia,” Dada added, just for her. God, she sounded like Jane now.

“Hey Dada,” Tia responded, nearly whispering for no reason other than she liked how soft her voice sounded, hoping maybe it would send Dada some sort of signal. Let’s get out of here. And then Jane was talking to the group, ready to start their first day in Rome.

“Alright! Today starts our three days in Rome, probably our busiest itinerary of the whole trip. There’s a lot to see here, so strap on your walking shoes and a good attitude, ‘cause beach day is over. It’s time to be travelers!” Tia hated whatever that meant. She looked at Dada, eyes begging her to elaborate on what Jane meant. What exactly were they doing? But Dada’s face didn’t give anything away, she just smiled at Tia, pretending to zip her lips.

“Jane looked up ‘three days in Rome perfect itinerary’ on Pinterest and chose her favorite parts, I watched her,” Nymphia said dismissively, unable to hide the smirk growing on her face. The group laughed, following Jane out of the hotel lobby, outside onto the bustling Rome streets.

If Tia thought Venice and Florence had been crowded, she soon realized they were nothing compared to Rome. It seemed to be the city everyone had to see, people from all walks of life strolling along the streets, looking around the city in wonder. Tia only looked at Dada, laughing as she cut in front of a young woman having an Instagram photoshoot. She could practically hear her saying ‘stupid tourists’ in her head.

The group grabbed a quick lunch, Jane leading everyone into a huge food court. It was so busy the five girls were lucky they were able to find a table together. Tia hated feeling so cramped, having to push against strangers to make her way to a pizza stand. And that feeling would remain all day, beginning with walking around the Galleria Sciarra, looking up at different scenes painted on the high walls, the glassed in ceiling letting the sun shine on them so beautifully.

“Oh look sisters, isn't this so beautiful??!” Jane yelled, trying to be heard over the crowds.

“Jane, you're only adding to the noise problem!” Nymphia said loudly.

“WELL NOW YOU ARE TOO!!! ANYWAYS, welcome to Galleria Sciarra, a true local’s secret, you know I’ve got all the tricks up my sleeve! This place is completely free and open to the public only during weekday office hours, thurs-slayyy!! But yeah let’s kill thirty minutes here, take some pics, take in the like… artsy architecture stuff. Okay fun!” Tia shook her head at Jane, laughing as she made eye contact with Dada, who was walking over to her.

“Tell me Jane found this place on Pinterest.”

“The article is called hidden gems of Rome. So obviously it is as busy as ever,” Dada giggled, sliding an arm around Tia’s waist and guiding her to one side of the room, pretending to look at the art on the wall as she rested a head on Tia’s shoulder. “Rome is too crowded, it is always my least favorite part of the trip.”

“Ohhh it’s not that bad,” Tia said, looking up at the glass ceiling. “At least I have an excuse to be pressed up against you all the time.”

“And your excuse the past two weeks?” Dada raised her head to look at Tia, quirking an eyebrow. Tia playfully narrowed her eyes, reaching to play with the tips of Dada’s hair like she had gotten so used to doing.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about,” she muttered, pretending to look away before turning back with a sly smirk.

“No?” Dada said back quietly, unable to hold back a smirk of her own.

“Nope. Not a clue in the world,” Tia giggled, her and Dada’s faces were as close as possible without being painfully obvious, if they were alone she would’ve easily closed the space between them, desperate to kiss her again after their drunken makeout session in Genoa. Thank god she wasn’t sharing a bunk bed in a room with six other people in Rome.

“What are you thinking about?” Dada asked.

“Honestly, I’m thinking about how relieved I am to not be sharing a room with six other people. You know?”

“Believe me. I know.” And Tia didn’t bother to hold back a wicked grin.

“Good.”

Thirty minutes later Jane led them to an even more crowded area, the Trevi fountain. Of course Tia recognized it as the most popular, most touristy thing to do in Italy. They attempted to throw coins over tourists heads into the fountain, the forever promise that they would return to Rome someday. Then Nymphia got overstimulated and made them leave. And maybe Rome did have its perks. Afterall, Dada was always right there pressed against Tia, letting the crowds push them closer together with no objection.

The Colosseum was a nightmare, they spent half the time just waiting in line to get in. And then of course Jane insisted on reading some boring stuff from her phone again. And if there was anything Tia hated more than listening to Jane ramble on about history she had no clue about, she hated pretending to listen even more, not even able to hear her over the loud crowds.

It wasn’t until dinner that Tia felt like she could catch her breath, getting to just sit at the table with her friends, sat as close as possible to Dada in the booth. Only fifteen minutes after getting their food Dada and Jane stood up from the table, plates only half touched, looking weirdly… guilty?

“Uh… Dada and I… are… going to pay the bill. And then secure the tickets for our next activity. So. Finish eating, we’ll meet ya outside. Bye sisters!” Jane said, and she and Dada were gone without another word. Tia, Nymphia, and Crystal immediately looked at each other, bursting out laughing the second they were out of earshot.

“Okay, where are they really going?” Nymphia asked once their laughter died down, arms crossed.

“So nosy, Nymphie,” Crystal cooed, Nymphia giggled as she finished her second glass of wine.

“Do you think they’re- well… no way…” Tia got out, watching Jane and Dada through the window, turning down a street. Crystal and Nymphia looked at her, waiting for an explanation. “What if they’re getting weed?” Tia leaned forward, whispering unsurely. Crystal and Nymphia burst out laughing.

“NO way! Jane’s a fucking pussy! And they totally would have smoked us up by now if they had it, no way they wouldn’t,” Crystal said, and that was the end of that.

“I bet Jane is getting me a present, something expensive,” Nymphia supplied, Crystal and Tia just looked at her. “Yeah no probably not. Maybe they just suck and Jane’s annoying,” and that was the easiest thing to settle on, so the girls finished their meal and met Jane and Dada outside. Tia was still unconvinced. “Where’d you go?!” Nymphia stalked up to Jane the moment she saw her, Jane just held up an envelope with what Tia could only assume were tickets to whatever their next activity was.

“I was getting us tickets, my love-”

“Stop.”

“-Sorry. I was getting us tickets to our next activity, A NIGHT TOUR OF THE CATACOMBS, GHOST EDITION!” Jane exclaimed, and Tia and Crystal were cheering, running up to her, shaking her shoulders. “YESSSSS!!!!!” Jane cheered too, and Tia figured she probably had way too much to drink at dinner, just like the rest of them. So much for never drinking again.

“EPIC!” The four girls yelled into the night sky while Dada just laughed, walking ahead of the group, pretending to be embarrassed. Tia followed after her, not taking long to catch up to Dada who had slowed down the minute she heard footsteps approaching, immediately knowing who it was. Who else?

“I know what you were doing,” Tia sang teasingly, unable to hide a burst of giggles. Dada kept her eyes trained on the street ahead, letting out a soft chuckle.

“And what was that?” She asked casually, pretending not to care at all.

“Getting druuuuuuugs,” Tia’s speech slurred. She was only a little tipsy but something about walking under the stars with Dada made her feel like she was drunk for the first time.

“You wish,” Dada said, giving nothing away. But where else could she have gone, as if she was really being a boring tour guide getting tickets? Everyone knew that Jane and Dada desperately wanted to smoke. Tia wondered how Dada would look high, so she hoped she was picking up weed. Maybe all the stars could align, right here in Rome.

“You can be honest with me, Dada. Mi amor. You can tell me cause I was a delinquent in high school. I was the first girl in the ninth grade to get a bong. I smoked all of my friends up for the first time, I was like a gateway drug,” Tia rambled and Dada exhaled through her nose at the last part. If only she knew.

“If you must know, we were getting a surprise for the group. You will have to wait, delinquent.”

“Well maybe I’m sick of waiting,” Tia said, a teasing tone in her warm voice.

“Tell me about it.” Dada gave Tia a deadpan stare. A wicked smirk grew on her face.

“So… about these catacombs…” Tia said warily, stopping to light a cigarette. “Hold on, I can’t get this lit,” she pretended to struggle with the cigarette, Dada just looked at her, amused. The rest of the group passed by, leaving them in the back like they usually preferred. “Anyways, these catacombs sound gross.”

“Don’t be like that. They are actually cool. And supposedly haunted. You were acting excited five minutes ago!” Dada laughed.

“Yeah well I’ve had three glasses of wine, if someone starts cheering, I’m joining in,” Tia continued to slow down her steps to the point where they couldn’t even see the group ahead of them. No one seemed to mind their absence already. “Anyways. I don’t really fancy looking at a bunch of old skulls in what will probably be a very moldy smelling dark underground cave. I mean, I’m good.” Dada could tell Tia was teetering around something, she had a feeling she knew what. Her heart started to race a little faster, the group had probably already arrived at the catacombs at this point. And here they were, in the middle of the street casually strolling like they had nowhere to be.

“Well then what are you suggesting, Miss Tia?” Dada grabbed Tia’s hand, pulling them down a narrow empty street. Tia instinctively leaned against a brick wall, of course Dada stood in front of her, too close.

“I am proposing an early night,” Tia breathed, eyes flicking to Dada’s lips.

“Oh, so you are tired?” Dada lifted one hand to play with a strand of hair that Tia had strategically pulled out of her bun that morning.

“Not at all.” Tia was smirking and it took everything Dada had not to break eye contact with her.

“Good. Let’s go then,” she whispered but neither of them moved. Then a loud laughing group of some teenagers turned onto the street and they jumped apart. Dada just chuckled. “Let’s go. But we’re stopping for a bottle of wine,”

“When in Rome…”

_

“The fact that we were dying this morning and are already going back in for more wine is so inspirational, honestly,” Tia giggled as Dada took the first sip of wine, the cheapest bottle of red they had at a convenience store. They wasted no time going into Dada’s hotel room, popping the cork out with Dada’s Swiss Army knife. (Tia couldn’t help but find it so hot that she had one… it was gold. That’s hot. God she was so gay.)

“Someday our hangovers will last days, I’m taking advantage of my youth.”

“Amen to that,” Tia grabbed the bottle from Dada, taking three long chugs, hoping it would help her know what to even say. They were standing in the middle of the room, Tia knew a move would be made soon, but she didn’t necessarily want to be the one to do it.

“And wine barely counts, so whatever.”

“It’s literally what gives you bad hangovers.”

“No, that's because I don’t drink water.”

Dada sat on her bed as Tia giggled, knowing she would follow. And of course she did, standing between Dada’s legs, resting her hands on her shoulders. Dada craned her head to look up at Tia who was smiling softly. “Tia Tia Tia,” she mused, unable to help herself. She pulled back slightly to take a swig off the bottle, handing it up to Tia, who moved to sit next to her. She placed one hand on the mattress behind Dada, leaning into her. Dada only had to turn her head and her nose was basically brushing against Tia’s. The wine bottle ended up on the floor, already forgotten.

“What?” Tia muttered unashamedly staring at Dada’s lips, so close.

“You know I can’t stand you,” Dada whispered, licking her lips.

“Bitch,” Tia smirked, Dada chuckled.

“You know what I mean.”

“I know.”

As Dada held Tia’s gaze she swore she could see the entire trip so far playing behind her eyes, she honestly couldn’t believe they had taken so long to get here. If it weren’t for her passing out in Milan, or them being forced to share rooms in Genoa, she had a feeling this would be a common affair by now, almost a second nature. Dada didn’t want to waste another second.

“Kiss me.”

And then Tia’s lips were on hers again, this time soft and gentle, trying to make up for their messy top-lip kiss from Genoa that was still utterly perfect. Tia’s leg slid up to brush against Dada’s, one hand cupping the back of her neck, pulling her in closer. Dada’s mind was blank but her heart was racing as she grabbed Tia’s leg that she’d been teasingly brushing against hers, pulling her to straddle her lap.

“Okay, Dada,” Tia tried to sound teasing but she was breathless, now running a hand through Dada’s hair, who was kissing a stripe across Tia’s collarbone, hands rising from her hips, up her waist, now traveling under her shirt to take it off.

“Lay down,” Dada whispered against Tia’s chest, taking off her bra. She could feel how fast her heart was beating. Dada didn’t know if she’d heard Tia not speak for so long, her usual quips and dumb jokes being replaced by quickened breaths and whispered signs. She was speechless. Of course Tia obliged, crawling to lay on her back with a giggle, leaning back on her elbows as she looked up at Dada.

“This is kind of crazy,” she whispered, letting out a breathy laugh. Dada just quirked an eyebrow, untying the string around her neck that had been holding up her black crocheted dress. She gave a wicked smirk as the dress dropped to the floor, as she felt Tia’s eyes scan her body, coming back up to meet Dada’s with an exasperated, desperate grin.

“Is it really?” Dada was on the bed now, crawling over to Tia, attempting to look sexy.

“Nope,” Tia muttered, grabbing Dada’s hand and beginning to pop off her press on nails. Dada was straddling her now, sure to rub her hips against Tia’s as she pretended to try and get in the perfect position.

“That’s what I thought,” Dada whispered as she crashed her lips into Tia’s, sick of beating around the bush, sick of wondering if things were gonna happen between them. And they didn’t waste another second.

_

“How many more museums are we going to?” Tia whispered the next morning, standing in the back with Dada. It was only 11 am and they were already listening to the third museum guide of the day, explaining the history of these grand, iconic revered paintings that Tia gave absolute no shit about. She couldn’t keep pretending, she just couldn’t. Tia wanted to explore, adventure like they had been the past few days. She wanted to lay in bed, her legs tangled with Dada’s as she traced circles on her bare back like she had been earlier that morning. Unfortunately, it was found to be harder when in Rome.

“Do you not understand what a museum crawl is?” Dada whispered back, a tiny smile playing on her lips. Tia hated the bubble of laughter rising in her throat, she tried to hold back her giggle but it just felt so impossible around her.

“It’s not all day though, is it?” She asked. They were now slowly walking to the next exhibit.

“No, just two more, then lunch-” Dada began.

“Then lunch??”

“Late lunch, late dinner, that’s how they usually do it in Rome. Then we go to the Vatican City to see St Paul’s Cathedral,” Dada explained. Tia let out a groan.

“How many fucking churches are we gonna tour??” She whined. Dada just laughed, shaking her head. They were standing in a surprisingly modern hallway, the rest of the group had gone into a dark exhibition room.

“I don’t make the tour! Pinterest does!” Dada held her hands up in defense. Tia had to laugh too. They stood in front of a large window, looking out at the city of Rome. “Do you like Rome?” Dada asked, looking at Tia, who was still looking out the window, watching everyone walking on the streets down below.

“Yeah, it’s pretty. I can see why it’s completely flooded with tourists,” she said nonchalantly. She turned to look at Dada, who was fucking smirking.

“Nothing special, no?” She had this glint in her eye, like she knew something Tia didn’t.

“Am I crazy for saying yes?” Tia was grinning, and Dada let out a short laugh.

“No! Rome is crowded, basic, boring. Just pretty,” she said dismissively. Tia was silently laughing the whole time, she loved how much Dada claimed to hate Rome, trying to sound bored but her eyes still lit up, she was still trying not to smile as Tia laughed. “You want to see the real Italy? Come with me.” Tia’s laughter stopped.

“What?” She asked, letting out a somewhat nervous giggle that she had practiced over 1000 times in the mirror.

“I have a friend in the city with a car. I borrowed it from her last trip to escape this hell city,” Dada explained. Tia could only look at her. The once intimidating, dismissive French girl with the platinum blonde hair and long legs was now smiling expectantly at her, eyebrows raised, waiting for her answer. Tia looked out at the city again. Wondering if this was it. “Tia,” Dada muttered, voice warm. Tia’s head turned back to her. “Don’t say no.”

Tia’s stomach dipped, did Dada’s eyes have gold in them? Was that really Rome below them? What did Dada just ask her to do? Then they heard it, the group’s footsteps, Jane’s loud voice approaching down the hall, the exhibit’s exit must’ve been in a different spot. And Tia knew. This was it.

“Let’s go,” she grinned, taking Dada’s hand in hers, immediately leading them away from the group, eventually cutting left and going down the staircase, Tia a giggling mess the whole time. They sped walked out of the museum, looking back over their shoulders to make sure no stragglers from the tour group saw them leaving. Once out of the museum, all Tia and Dada could do was laugh.

“Hope they don't miss us,” Dada quipped.

“So, where’s this car?” Dada had dropped her hand at this point, but Tia didn’t mind, she couldn’t believe they were finally doing this, finally ditching the group like they had in Venice.

“It’s a short walk to my friend’s house. It is only ten minutes from the hotel. We should stop there first” Dada said nonchalantly as she took out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one for Tia before lighting her own.

“Oh do you wanna get changed? Should I wear a bathing suit? Can we go to the beach?!” Tia asked excitedly as she followed Dada down the busy street.

“Well, the car is small, we are tall. I should, um, get you out of my system while I can,” Dada said so casually Tia almost did a double take, her stomach dipping. “But yes the beach is also a nice plan,” she added, shooting Tia a wink.

“Jesus, you are trouble. And we’ll be fine, I’ve made it work in some cramped cars.”

“Well who is trouble now?” Dada looked back at her. At this point they had made it back to the hotel, taking deep drags off their cigarettes to finish them as fast as possible. As they walked down the hall, just about to go in Dada’s room, they heard a door opening and saw Gothy walking out of her room.

“Tia! Dada! What are you doing? Isn’t it #musuemcrawl day?”

“Yes, well, the thing is…” Tia tried to come up with a lame excuse but really couldn’t think of anything. Dada just laughed a little.

“We are ditching. It is #beachday. What are you doing? Hard at work?”

“You know it sister. I’m getting lunch real quick then right back to it. Tia, you’re gonna get sick of the beach. After Rome that’s basically all we’re doing,” Gothy pointed out.

“Believe me, I’m definitely more sick of museums. And ‘architecture’. How can you get sick of the beach?!” Tia asked incredulously. “That’s crazy…”

“Anyways, have fun at lunch Gothy. Tia, can you help me pick out a bathing suit?” Dada shot Tia a wink and promptly yanked her into her hotel room, slamming the door shut. As she immediately pressed her against the wall, licking a hot stripe up her neck, Tia could hear Gothy cackling down the hallway. At this point Dada was already on her knees, unbuttoning Tia’s jean shorts and pushing her back on the bed. Let Gothy laugh.

_

“Dada… it’s okay if there’s no car. I don’t mind that you were just trying to get me alone…”

“Tia! There is a car! We are going to the beach, I just need to… yes!” Dada was walking so fast she was basically pulling Tia down street after street, who was happy to oblige, still on a high from the 45 minutes they had just spent locked in Dada’s hotel room. “Here it is! I told you bitch!” Dada squealed, running to reach behind a flower pot on the stoop of a tiny yellow apartment building, the street in front of it empty besides a small dark blue car, a Fiat, which seemed to be the brand of car most Italians drove.

“Oh thank god. I really thought we were gonna have to spend all day cooped up in Rome.”

“No way. We are running away.” Dada unlocked the car, and opened the passenger door for Tia.

“It feels wrong sitting on the right, why do I feel like I’m American?”

“Because you are too western.”

The minute Dada slid in the driver's seat and shut her door Tia was yanking her head across the middle console and crashing their lips together. She of course returned the kiss eagerly, reaching over to cup Tia’s hip, sliding up under her shirt. Tia almost didn’t understand why it felt impossible to keep her hands off Dada, but she couldn’t care to ponder it as the French girl pulled away to start the car, instead immediately placing a hand on her inner thigh.

“Let’s go,” Dada grinned, fighting to push down chills as she pulled onto the street. Tia cheered, letting out an excited yelp as Dada rolled down all the windows in the car, reaching up to open the sunroof above their heads. Dada let out a whoop of her own when she took the turn that would lead them onto the highway and out of the city. “WE ARE FREE!”, she turned easily as she rounded a curve, one hand on the wheel, the other holding Tia’s hand on her thigh, nudging it to stray further up. Tia couldn’t stop the tiny smile tugging at her lips if she wanted to.

“Where are we going?” She asked deviously. Dada’s eyes flickered over to her for a moment, a teasing glint in her eye.

“No clue,” she said simply, looking at Tia again, unable to stop herself. Then the car swerved a bit and Dada was broken from the moment, but Tia wasn’t, still sat there, looking at Dada with a smile on her face. “Here, play music.” Dada handed Tia her phone, Spotify already open. “The car is bluetooth.”

“CANILOOKTHROUGHYOURSPOTIFY???!!” Tia immediately exclaimed. Dada let out a short, surprised laugh, then her face quickly turned to stone.

“No.” But Tia gave her that damn look, the golden sun reflecting in her eyes so beautifully. And Dada didn’t care. “Yes,” she conceded, shaking her head with laughter. Tia excitedly went to Dada’s library, looking through her playlists. And her music taste sure was interesting. Tia saw a lot of French music, weird stuff she assumed to be techno, old country Taylor Swift songs, and the perfect amount of Lady Gaga. And to her absolute delight…

“YOU LIKE CHAPPELL ROAN?! How have we not talked about her?! I LOVE HER!” Tia nearly screeched. Dada was grinning brightly as she yelled;

“PLAY RED WINE SUPERNOVA!” She bounced in her seat as Tia obliged, the opening notes playing loudly through the car. “I love Chappell! My roommates showed me her, they love her even more than I do. Our house is the pink pony club, just full of lesbians,” Dada explained it so casually, Tia wished she could pry more. Dada kept her cards so close to her chest, Tia really had no idea who she was other than some tour guide from France. That should’ve worried her but it just made her more curious, more intrigued. But she didn’t want to seem too nosy too fast, so she let out a giggle and played ‘Naked in Manhattan’ next. Dada turned it up and sang along. “This is so us, if only she said Italy.” She mused.

“Yes!” Tia burst out laughing, amazed. They both knew all the words, singing along in horribly high pitched voices, which had already grown hoarse from their rowdy beach day just two nights ago.

“We need waterrrrrr,” Dada groaned, getting off a random exit. “Hope this place has a petrol station.” She quickly found a convenience store, filling the car up with gas, her and Tia walking out of the shop with arms full of chips, chocolate bars, candy, water, and Red Bulls. Dada wasted no time putting the car in drive the minute Tia was buckled, turning out of the gas station.

Tia had never seen her like this before, brightly grinning as she stopped for pedestrians, a tiny smile on her face as she got onto the highway again, humming along to the radio. Her hand was on Tia’s thigh now, fingers drumming on her skin along to the music. Tia didn’t even think to feel shy, content to gaze at Dada with a dorky fond smile on her face as they talked over the music.

“Do you think Jane will notice we’re gone?” She asked, one knee pulled up to her chest in the passenger seat, resting her cheek on it as she faced Dada.

“Eventually. But she’s not good with attendance, I am always reminding her. So not for a while,” Dada said, so knowingly.

“You know Jane so well. You roll your eyes before we even realize what she’s saying.”

Dada let out a loud laugh. “No seriously!” Tia exclaimed. “You always know when to cut her off, before she says something stupid. I love her a lot, but I wouldn’t be able to stand her without you. Do you like living with her?” Tia said, watching Dada listen to her. She hoped she wasn’t prying too much, but she just wanted to know, know about Dada, her life.

“I love Jane, living with her is great. She is really one of my favorites. It is easy to know her, she wears her heart on her sleeve, just like you,” Dada said, eyes teasing as she waited for Tia’s reaction. But Tia didn't laugh or playfully glare at Dada because her stomach was doing somersaults. They were really driving alone towards the sea, just the two of them and an open road. They had really been foolish and desperate enough to ditch the group, for it to finally just be them.

All Tia could think about was Lido, how she had wanted so badly for it to just be her and Dada, even though the thought terrified her. The thought didn’t terrify her anymore, it just made her grin as she leaned over the middle console, leaving a light trail of kisses down Dada’s neck. And she felt like a silly teenager again, the both of them blushing and grinning, bodies flooding with relief.

“I do try to act mysterious, I just don’t think I’m very good at it,” she whispered against Dada’s neck, who just let out a laugh, one of Tia’s new favorite sounds from these past couple weeks.

“You talk too much to be mysterious,” Dada replied, and that made Tia burst out laughing, and God could the sun get any brighter? Had the clouds ever looked so dreamy and mystical, floating lazily through the air? And then ‘Padam Padam’ came up next on the queue. “Oh this is Nymphia’s song!” Dada exclaimed, Tia just burst out laughing. “What is so funny? This is her favorite!” She genuinely asked, Tia hated how cute she found her to be.

“Cause of course this is Nymphia’s fucking song!” Tia giggled uncontrollably.

“Do not tell, but I am very fond of Nymphia and Crystal. They’re good, funny girls,” Dada said, almost sweetly. She didn’t know why she was telling Tia this, why she was making it so easy for her to say every little thought that came to her head. Well, not every thought.

“Are you fond of me?” Tia asked like it was nothing.

“What do you think?” Was all Dada could think to say, eyebrows raised with a smirk. The car filled with music and bright laughter.

And for the next two hours Dada felt like a little kid again, screaming along to Chappell Roan and old Taylor Swift, driving with one hand, dancing with the other. She felt like a little kid again and she didn’t know why it was with the pretty British girl who was older than her. Tia, who was sitting in the passenger seat with her squealing giggle and grabby hands, eyes bright and glossy despite being dead sober. And Dada knew. This was it. She leaned forward, turning down the music. “Tia?” She began. Tia hummed in response, turning to look at her. “I lied to you,” Dada said, trying not to give herself away, trying to keep her poker face.

“...What?” Tia’s eyes narrowed, but she was amused, she could already see right through Dada.

“I’m sorry,” Dada said simply, unable to fight the smile growing on her face.

“What did you lie about?” Tia giggled, shifting towards Dada as much as her body (and seatbelt) would allow her.

“I’m sorry…” Dada said again, glancing at Tia. She looked away, almost ashamed. Then she looked back, an absolute shit-eating grin on her face. “I have weed.”

“YOU WHAT?!” Tia yelped, jumping in her seat, twisting towards Dada even more.

“I’m sorry!”

“I KNEW IT!!!”

“I only had a little! For the whole month! And Jane mooches so bad, don’t tell her I said that,” Dada confessed, and Tia was laughing too hard to even think about actually being upset.

“Well I don’t wanna mooch off you too! I’ll feel bad if I smoke up all your shit,” she said, and Dada gave her a sneaky look.

“You were right about last night. There is no surprise for the group. I have plenty.”

“I FUCKING KNEW IT!! Nymphia AND Crystal LAUGHED AT ME, BUT I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Tia was yelling and now they were both laughing so hard, Dada didn’t remember the last time her stomach had hurt from laughing all day like this, the last time her eyes had been filled with tears of laughter and maybe, just maybe pure joy. Feelings she had only come close to exploring Italy with Jane, Gothy, and her roommates. Or splashing in the waves with her cousins on the beach, playing mermaids and putting seaweed over their heads, singing like the sirens. But something about this felt different. Dada felt like this moment was just for her, something she didn’t have to share with anyone else. Except Tia, who was still laughing, and Dada could tell she was just so excited to smoke, but that it also didn’t really matter at all. Dada began to speak and Tia’s laughter died down, listening intently.

“Even if I didn’t get more, I do not mind. We can smoke my whole stash, then get more. I really do not mind, fuck Jane and Gothy,” she said. Tia looked at the sweet, guarded French girl who was unwinding before her, slowly but surely letting down her walls, letting her in. In just 17 short days, Tia had already managed to meet someone she knew she’d never be able to forget about. Good. She never wanted to forget this, who would?

“...Thank you. So. Where we smokin?” She asked. Dada was already getting off another exit, probably just like the first one she saw.

“No clue,” she said again, and Tia just laughed, hand on her knee. Dada reached over, her eyes still on the road, grabbing Tia’s hand, slowly lacing their fingers together. Wordlessly, Tia raised their conjoined hands, pressing a soft kiss to the back of Dada’s. She just glanced at Tia in the rearview mirror, a soft, hesitant smile on her face, cheeks light pink. “It is uh… summer. There will be too many tourists on any trails,” Dada managed. Tia nodded, grinning. “We can’t smoke in the car, it’ll smell up. Probably. It’s better off to find a small town with people who will turn a blind eye. That’s at least what we do where I live,” she drove the car up another narrow, steep hill. They passed a faded blue sign that read ‘Collepietro.’ Like most of the villages Tia had seen in Italy, it was surrounded by mountains, overlooking the long ridges, just as long and narrow as the streets of Italy. The town–well, the village was so tiny, Dada almost felt like she was back home, she craned her neck as if she’d be able to see her house on top of the hill, maybe she’d be able to hear her other roommates ringing laughter if she listened a little harder. She found the village center, parallel parking on one of the empty streets.

Dada had picked the perfect town, there was absolutely no one around. She figured everyone was either resting or getting ready for whatever evening plans they had. When she said this to Tia, she nodded with relief, nervous about getting caught, probably. “Weed is decriminalized here, you are fine. Besides I thought you were a delinquent?”

“Not when I’m in another COUNTRY!” Tia exclaimed as Dada parked on some side street, right in front of an alley between the town’s church and…

“Looks like a closed restaurant, the windows are boarded up. Even better,” Dada was out of the car now, standing on her tiptoes to peek in the windows. Tia got out but stood in front of the car, hand on her still open door.

“We can’t smoke behind a church? What the fuck??” She whispered. Dada just laughed, that adventurous glint back in her eye.

“Church is on Sundays, that is tomorrow. And there are no tourists ruining this one. Let’s go delinquent!” She revealed a joint from her bag, putting it between her lips, lighting it with a lighter Jane had whined about losing for a week now. Dada exhaled, the joint hanging lazily between her fingers as she cocked her head at Tia, turning around and slowly walking down the narrow alleyway. Tia rolled her eyes with a grin, quietly shutting the car door, following Dada as she ducked down another alley, now between the church and some other building.

“Gimme that,” Tia whispered once they finally came to a stop, leaning against either wall facing each other, their chests just inches apart. Dada flipped the joint, easily sliding it between Tia’s fingers.

Tia took her time, raising it to her mouth, just barely touching it to her lips as she slowly, gently inhaled, knowing her lungs had gotten used to tobacco and the fresh Italian air over the past couple weeks. She held the smoke in her lungs for as long as possible before exhaling sloooooowly, putting the joint back to her lips a second time, taking another long drag before handing it back to Dada. “You know Crystal told me, these are called spiffs in America. They flip it.” Tia said as she exhaled, smoke coming out of her mouth with every word.

“What does that even mean?”

“You know, we smoke joints with tobacco and weed. Spliffs are just weed. In America joints are weed only, spiffs are weed and tobacco. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Dada let out her own high giggle, they had passed the joint back and forth a few times now, Tia swore she’d never felt so high. And she didn’t think it was because of the tolerance break. She giggled and maybe she was floating, maybe her feet weren’t on the ground, maybe the only gravity that existed was between her and Dada. And then they heard a loud bang, a door slamming. Tia swore she could hear someone yelling. Dada had just raised the joint to her lips, frozen as she looked at Tia, the both of them too stunned to speak for a moment.

“Whatdowedo?” She asked quickly, like Tia would be any help in this situation.

“Uhhhh… RUN?!” Tia quietly shouted, taking Dada’s hand for the third time that day, now leading them out of the alley and to the car, sprinting with their hands still intertwined, the joint hanging loosely between Dada’s lips, still burning. They jumped in the car, Dada putting the key in the ignition and speeding off before Tia even had the chance to buckle her seatbelt. The joint had somehow ended up between her fingers. Tia raised it to her lips, taking a hit without a thought. They didn’t speak as Dada turned down a random logging road, stopping in front of a tiny pond that sat in front of a massive field, surrounded in all directions by long mountain ridges. As Dada put the car in park, she and Tia just looked at each other out of breath, sweaty from running under the hot Italian sun.

“So… I think we just ran for no reason,” Tia said quietly.

“Shut up. Running is better than jail. Or fines. Or taking away weed,” Dada was smiling at her so fondly, one look was all it took for them to promptly burst out laughing, neither of them buckled, the car filling with smoke despite the open windows.

“This is where we should’ve come in the first place,” Tia got out between cackles. The joint was still lit.

“We should have just smoked in the car, the smell will go away,” Dada replied, still laughing as she took a hit, causing her to let out a horrible cough, which prompted her and Tia to laugh even harder, foreheads nearly knocking. They had figured out how to get as close as possible in the car, both shifted in their seats, arm rests tucked away. Tia’s eyes were so beautiful, the afternoon sun peeking through the sunroof, enveloping her in a golden glow that Dada had a feeling only she would be able to see. Their laughter had died down, now just grinning at each other, Tia let out a soft giggle as she ran a hand down Dada’s arm, fingers lightly trailing down her hips and thighs before going back up to cup her waist. Dada took the joint from her mouth, wordlessly passing it to Tia, who was so beautifully, slowly, deeply inhaling, her eyes so focused. She put the joint in the car’s ashtray, little tendrils of smoke still coming up from it, weed wasting away. Tia didn’t care.

She looked up at Dada, wondering what the fuck was happening, wondering how the hell did she end up here? With the most confusing, exciting, everchanging girl from France who had run away to Italy for no reason in particular, the two of them somehow making all the choices to get to this moment, whether right or wrong. And Tia wondered if Dada needed her just as much as she did, wondered if this was gonna all come crashing down at some point, if this would be it. But looking at Dada, she just couldn’t bring herself to care.

Tia’s hand went up again, needier this time, pretending to play with Dada’s hair and sliding roughly down her neck, the side of her boobs to cup the small of her back, somehow pulling her even closer. Neither of them could help their quickened breath as they just looked at each other, grins growing on both of their faces. Dada chuckled, shaking her head as she muttered,

“Jesus…” and the gravity between them had finally grown too strong, Dada roughly caught Tia’s lips with her own, only having to lean forward a little bit to finally close the distance between them. And of course Tia intercepted her with ease, like they’d been doing this all summer. The car was hot, smoke pouring out the windows, the sun splashed across both their faces, lips interlocked, all confusion, fears, and past heartbreaks left in the tiny alley between the church and boarded up restaurant. Simply treacherous.

At some point they had to break for air, dissolving into laughter when they made eye contact again. Dada opened her mouth, saying the first thing that came to mind.

“So yes. We can smoke in the car. But… but nothing else,” she reached for the joint, just at the end, slightly burning her lips. Tia took a last hit too.

“Yeah right.” She quirked an eyebrow, throwing Dada a teasing smirk.

“What? This is my friend’s car!” She laughed. Tia joined her, not without pushing her arm.

“You think that I would… in this car?? I’m classier than that!” Tia exclaimed, laughing again. Dada just looked at her, dead serious, taking one final hit.

“You wish you were.” she said, and the joint was plucked from her mouth, dropped in the ashtray forever forgotten, and replaced by Tia’s lips again, and Dada wondered just how classy she claimed to be, because she couldn’t bring herself to believe one word Tia was saying, there was nothing classy about getting roughly pulled into the backseat, surprisingly having no trouble angling their limbs and hips just right for ten minutes of pure cramped bliss.

Mere seconds after Dada came up breathless from between Tia’s thighs her phone was buzzing, and of course it was Jane, noticing two hours later that they were gone. With a roll of her eyes Dada answered the phone, putting it on speaker. “Yes?” She sighed. Tia suppressed a laugh.

“Dada!” Jane exclaimed, and Dada had to smile. “Where the hell are you?” She only sounded slightly annoyed. Tia sat up in the back window seat so Dada could sit beside her, head leaned on her shoulder.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

“On an adventure.”

“...With Tia?”

“...Yes.”

“OH THANK GOD I thought I lost you both. Why didn’t you tell me?” Jane sounded like she wanted to cry, Tia and Dada were trying so hard not to breakdown laughing. Dada was obviously doing a much better job than Tia.

“Why are you just now realizing we’re gone?”

“Well I figured you were with Tia…”

“I am. You are a terrible tour guide.”

“You literally ditched the group!”

“…I do not care...”

“Whatever. Bitch. I’ll see ya tonight?”

“I’ll see you at breakfast.” Dada hung up the phone and Tia burst out laughing.

“Oh my god she's the worst. I love her so much,” she cried. Dada laughed along, turning to look at the pond. “It’s so pretty here,” Tia murmured, Dada’s chin was on her shoulder as she gazed up at her, smiling. “Yeah, yeah, I’m pretty too, I know,” Tia said and they laughed, the two of them both taking it as a cue to pull their bikini bottoms and shorts back on, getting back into the front seats. Dada put the key back in the ignition, starting the car. “So, what now?” Tia asked, lighting a cigarette.

“We drive,” she grinned, pulling an epic three point turn. Tia chuckled, Dada’s phone in her hand, adding a few songs to the queue. She put the phone down and Dada’s hand was in hers again, and there they were again in the tiny car, all the windows down, speeding straight towards the sea. Tia looked out the window, the mountain's beauty always took her breath away, especially when Italy was at its peak, the trees bright green, clashing against the blue sky so beautifully.

“Have you gotten used to how gorgeous Italy is yet?” She asked for what felt like the hundredth time. Dada looked at her for a moment.

“Rome is ‘pretty’. Italy is beautiful. Nice is gorgeous,” she said, almost dreamily. Tia faltered for a moment, a little surprised Dada was bringing up France.

“You don’t talk about France much,” she said casually, really trying not to pry, but she was so nosey she just couldn’t help it. But Dada didn’t seem to mind, a smile still gracing her features.

“You don’t talk about England much,” she responded, Tia let out a chuckle.

“That’s because England is nothing. If I was from France I’d never shut up about it,” she said, and Dada was still smiling but Tia could see her deeper inhale, could sense her growing a bit more guarded.

“France is gorgeous,” is all Dada said, and Tia knew not to go any further.

“Okay,” she said happily. “How far away is the ocean? We didn’t swim at all yesterday, it was so stupid.”

“Only an hour, maybe a little shorter. What are you going to do in Perugia? It’s nowhere near the sea,” Dada pointed out. Tia just giggled, one hand hanging out the window.

“I’ll just go to that lake!”

For the next hour they continued their drive to the Eastern Italy coast. Tia played the weirdest eclectic mix of songs, trying to find good throwbacks she and Dada both knew the words to.

It turned out old Disney pop songs were the best way to go, they crossed country lines. Tia and Dada were like two little kids, screaming along, making up stupid dance moves, attempting to harmonize and hit every song’s high note. Truly the most vulnerable a person can be. And then Tia saw it, peeking just above the hot pavement, sparkling under the bright sun. It was like they hadn’t spent the past three days staying on the beach. She had never been more excited to see the ocean, so bright and vast, just for her and Dada. Tia couldn’t help but think this place was made just for them. Dada pulled over at the first beach she saw.

“Let’s GOGOGOGOGO!” Tia laughed, immediately jumping out of the car, Dada following not long behind. Tia wouldn’t know how long they stayed on that beach, splashing in the water, chasing each other, pretending to be mermaids and pirates and sharks. Of course they bodysurfed, attempting to ride the waves with gleeful laughter. They eventually found a spot to spread their towels, laying under the burning sun, basking in it. There were other people on the beach, old couples, moms with their kids. A group of teenagers were mourning the end of summer already, smoking cigarettes and burying each other in the sand.

But that didn’t stop Dada’s constant hand on Tia’s waist under the water, it didn’t stop Tia stroking her thigh, tracing the line of her bikini bottoms as they laid out under the hot sun. They knew it was time to leave when Dada could feel her back tingling with an upcoming sunburn.

They found the car in a packed parking lot eventually, laying down towels on their seats before climbing in. Tia had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, shivering as she waited for Dada to rub aloe on her shoulders outside. She looked up to see Dada’s small golden locket hanging from the rearview mirror, she must’ve put it there before they went swimming, not wanting it to get wet. Tia couldn’t help but admire how beautiful it was, glistening in the sunlight. She also couldn’t help but wonder what Dada would fill it with someday. It slightly shook when Dada closed her door shut, looking at Tia with an easy grin on her face, beach waves already starting to appear in her long blonde hair. Tia didn’t even want to think about what her own auburn hair looked like, probably a mess of tangled curls. “I am starving,” Dada said. Tia immediately nodded, letting out a laugh.

“I’m so hungry!” She agreed, and then Dada was pulling out of the beach parking lot.

“Off to the finest delicacy in the world, sandwiches after the beach!”

Dada found some random deli, getting them big sandwiches and big bottles of water. They scarfed down their food in the car, letting the AC blast over their hot skin.

“I love beach days, especially in the beginning of summer. Apparently the water is too cold in the beginning, but we do not care, me and the girls run into the ocean and wait for the ocean to numb us. We bring sandwiches and a lot of wine. And a lot of vodka. And chips. And I love it, even though the drive is far. But Jane is a good DD. For the most part. Once she brought a cocktail shaker to the beach and… well, that’s the first time Gothy had to sober up fast. Because Jane could not,” Dada explained. Tia was surprised she was talking about her roommates again. And again, she didn’t wanna pry, but…

“Classic Jane… I know you say living with her is good, but have you ever had drama with her? I need to know what Jane is like when she’s mad.” she said. Dada just let out a laugh, shaking her head in disbelief.

“No! No, because- you do not even understand. You need to meet the real Jane- well you have! You know there is a difference! Jane is only annoying and horrible when she is in front of a crowd. The rest of the time… she is the best. She’s just an Aquarius,” Dada said simply, and Tia burst out laughing. “We’ve barely fought, she barely gets mad. She is great. Except for August.”

“God bless that woman,” Tia didn’t know what else to say. So of course she landed on, “So, can I roll a spliff?” And Dada easily said;

“Of course. Just don’t tell Jane.”

So they drove back to Rome, straight towards the setting sun. Dada had her visor down, trying to shield it from her eyes. But Tia kept hers up, letting the warm glow wash over her body, not caring if the sun was blinding her. The last remnants of daylight were long gone and the stars were in the sky when Dada pulled over the exit going into Rome, locket swinging from the rearview mirror as she took the turn. Her hand was still wrapped in Tia’s, rubbing soft circles on the back of it.

“Today felt like a…” Tia began to speak. “Like a fever dream. It was…” she wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t know how to convey how much her chest was aching, how her cheeks had never hurt this hard from smiling like this, how she had never felt like this about someone she had known for such a short period of time, how she never thought this would happen, not ever in her wildest dreams.

“Today felt like a movie,” was all Dada knew to say, because it was the truth, and she was an honest person. Most of the time. “This… trip… ends the 31st. We have thirteen days left, of course we do. But yes. We have thirteen days.”

“Okay,” Tia said, because that was all she needed to say. They both knew exactly what it meant. She supposed it was time to embark on the reckless, fleeting summer fling she had always dreamt of. Dada parked the car on the same side street it had been on in the morning, which felt like days ago. After making sure they had cleaned everything up and had all their stuff, Dada put the key back in the flower pot and began to lead Tia back to the hotel.

“Okay… the girls will either be out tonight or doing their own thing…”

“Or waiting to pounce the second we get back…”

“We are not even manifesting that,” Dada giggled as they turned down a street. Tia couldn’t help but give the car one last wistful look, knowing she would probably never see it again. “That is a good little car.” Dada said fondly and she grabbed Tia’s hand, lacing their fingers together.

“You said it. Very little car,” Tia quipped. They laughed as they made their way back, giggling about everything and nothing. Tia could’ve thought she was drunk, but she was definitely just high. “Wait- can we smoke before we go in?”

“Smoke what?”

“Yes.”

Dada laughed and pulled Tia behind an alleyway, doing an okay job at trying to roll a spliff in midair. Of course Tia did nothing to help, going between making dumb jokes that made Dada laugh too hard to focus and running a hand down her side, massaging her hip.

“You are not helping me focus.”

“Sorry I’m just such a delinquent,” Tia murmured. At this point Dada had lit the spliff but it burned away as their lips crashed together, something about today had truly made them inseparable, there was some magnetic force Tia couldn’t bother to fight at all. “Okay wait we’re wasting weed I’m sorry.” She pulled away from Dada and grabbed the spliff, taking a long hit.

“It is your fault I swear!” Dada giggled, taking a hit herself. “I’m lighting a cigarette so our hands are always occupied. And to cover up the smell.”

“Smart.”

_

Tia woke up the next morning to a knock on her door, confused when she saw the time on her phone was 6:03 am. Wake up call wasn’t till 7:30. What the hell? She and Dada had gotten back around midnight last night, and everyone was already asleep. Or somewhere else. Tia hoped Nymphia and Crystal weren’t mad at her. She knew they wouldn’t be the minute she told them everything that had happened between her and Dada. Dada, who had gone back to Tia’s room that night, keeping her up for another hour as they finished the bottle of wine from the night before, leaving their lips stained red and swollen. And Tia’s heart was beating so fucking fast even as they fell asleep, she wasn’t surprised it still was when she woke up. Or maybe that was because someone was knocking on her door and it scared her. Whatever.

She begrudgingly rolled out of bed, opening the door only because she realized Dada was gone and she knew that knock all too well. And of course there she stood in the hallway, half asleep just like Tia, dragging her suitcase behind her.

“Hello?” Tia whispered, rubbing sleep from her eyes with a smile. “Are we running away?”

“Hi,” Dada replied, voice hoarse. “I just wanted to get my suitcase. So we can get dressed together.” She was definitely too tired to be embarrassed, and Tia didn’t even think to hide her smile as she beckoned Dada in, pulling her in for a long kiss once the door was shut. Hopefully this was okay, hopefully her morning breath wasn’t too bad. Dada didn’t seem to mind, gently backing Tia up to the bed. She fell onto it with a plop, beckoning Dada to join. “I am going to sleep though, I am still tired,” Dada whispered, and Tia just giggled, curling up into Dada’s side the second she was laying in the bed next to her.

“This is so uhaul lesbian of us” she whispered with a giggle that Dada returned. They laid there, drifting in and out of consciousness for an hour and a half, until Tia’s alarm went off at 7:30. She groaned, Dada just slept through it. Once she silenced her alarm, Tia turned to the girl who was sleeping soundly in her bed, not a care in the world on her peaceful face. That was about to change.

“Dada,” Tia whispered, lightly rubbing her arm. Dada just groaned, burying her face in Tia’s chest. “We gotta get up,” Tia whispered again, running a hand through her hair. Dada actually responded, eyes still closed;

“No we don’t.”

“Yes we do.”

“Day of Rest,” Dada called, Tia rolled her eyes, rolling onto her back.

“Noooooo, cmon,” she said, getting up out of bed. She grabbed Dada’s hand, attempting to pull her out of bed. Dada just snatched it away, burrowing under the covers. “C’mon Dada, I wanna go see Rome. It’s not that bad,” Tia yawned through the last sentence, and Dada just stayed silent for a few moments, before saying tiredly, obviously falling back asleep.

“Rome is stupid, I am tired. You go, I rest,” she said finally.

“Bitch get up! Let’s go! Wear a little matching set, drink some water, eat some breakfast. You’re fine,” Tia tried to sound jokey but her tone was forceful and it actually made Dada laugh before getting up, playfully glaring at her.

“You are mean.”

“Yeah yeah. Wear something slutty.”

Tia got ready faster than Dada, who of course was straightening her hair for some reason. “Dada… breakfast is over in 30 minutes…”

“I know I know…” she muttered, trying to quicken her pace. “I need to look slutty for you!” She exclaimed with a grin, Tia just laughed as she scrambled around her room, shoving her wallet, portable phone charger, water bottle, and sunglasses into her daybag. “Don’t wait for me, go eat with the girls. Tell Jane I’ll be down. Will you save me a muffin or something?” Dada asked, her hair now halfway done.

“Of course! Don’t burn yourself, please. I’ll see you down there,” Tia wanted to kiss Dada before she left but that felt way too domestic, even for them. So she shot her a wink in the mirror, and then finally was out the door, meeting Crystal in the hallway and walking with her downstairs for breakfast. Jane and Nymphia came down not long after, sitting at the table with them. She could tell they were horribly hungover, only grunting at Tia in acknowledgement, like they’d puke if they opened their mouths. Crystal immediately fell asleep on Tia’s shoulder when they sat at a table. Nymphia took ten seconds to take a small sip of water, shivering. And all Tia could think was ‘God. They don’t even know Dada moved her suitcase in my room.’

That didn’t last long of course. After eating in a dazed, tired silence for a while, Tia said to Jane;

“Dada is still getting ready, by the way. She should be down soon. She told me to tell you.”

“What?”

“Yeah. She decided to straighten her hair, what a diva am I right?”

“The biggest one I know,” Jane said dismissively, not prying even though Tia knew she desperately wanted to. “That’s fine! You missed out on a really fun day yesterday, didn’t she, ladies??” Jane looked at Nymphia and Crystal, who just looked back at her boredly. “Ladies?”

“If we go to another museum on this trip it’s over. But we did go out clubbing and I thought I was gonna die this morning. Thank god this breakfast is bringing me back to life.” Nymphia said, and there was no other mention of what happened in Rome yesterday. As for other things that happened… “Now Tia. Spill. What happened with Dada yester- are you fucking kidding me Jane?”

Jane stood up, beginning to address the group that had finally all made its way down to the dining room and wrapped up eating. She was either trying to save Tia from having to answer any questions, she was trying to piss Nymphia off, or she just didn’t hear her and was oblivious. Tia had a feeling it was the third one.

“Alright guys, we’ve got a fun morning and a free evening, so let’s get goin! Oh Dada, there you are! Hi sister! I saved you a muffin!!!” Jane’s hangover seemed to be cured the second she saw Dada, who was grinning brightly, looking wide awake. If only Tia knew it was because Dada’s chest felt just as golden as hers did. Dada had woken up that morning, thinking about Tia before she even opened her eyes. She hadn’t expected to become so desperate for someone on this trip, but here she was, unashamedly moving all her luggage into Tia’s room on a whim, just wanting to never leave her. It felt corny falling this fast but Dada didn’t care, how could she when Tia had told her to “dress slutty”, when she could feel Tia’s eyes raking down her body, taking in the matching set Dada had opted to wear, a low rise golden silk skirt dangled off her hips with a twisted bandeau top.

“Do you like my outfit?” Dada cocked her head as Tia approached her, fingers going to trace the waistband of dada’s skirt, running over her hip bone.

“Ha. Yeah. You take direction very well.”

“Well you had a great vision.”

Dada put her hand on the small of Tia’s back and led her out, following Jane out the front door, a bitching Nymphia and a laughing Crystal right behind them.

“First point of business, welcome back to the tour Dada! We missed you so much sister. Truly. Now, I promise today will be chill. It was gonna be a lot busier but I don’t feel like it. So first stop, the Pantheon is about a twenty minute walk from here. As always, we’re taking the scenic route. Let’s go!”

The walk wasn’t too bad, Crystal and Nymphia dragged their feet in the back. Jane decided to go back and pull caboose with them, which meant Dada had to lead the group.

“If you get lost it is your fault!” She called behind her. Tia just giggled and laced their fingers together. They didn’t end up going inside the Pantheon, Jane just stood in front of it, reading a blog post from;

“A fucking blog called ‘Mama Loves Rome,’” Nymphia hissed, Crystal let out a giggle.

“The Pantheon is an ancient Roman building originally devoted to all Roman Gods and Goddesses, uhh… oh, Pan means all, Theon means God, in Greek. And now it’s a Christian church, so we’re not going in! The line is too long. Anyways… Over the course of centuries…”

Dada barely listened to Jane reading from her phone, and she knew Tia wasn’t listening either. Instead they smoked a couple cigarettes, straying far enough away from the group so they could whisper about nothing, laughing about an obvious tourists outfit, an old couple fighting in rapid Italian.

When Jane took them to another oddly fancy shopping mall, (Galleria Alberto Sordi) Nymphia, who had spent all her money in Florence and Milan, didn’t insist on dragging them into all the high end fashion stores, instead just pointing at a big book store.

“Looks fun?” She shrugged. Everyone just nodded, following her in. “Since when am I the leader?” Nymphia wondered out loud, making a beeline straight to the magazine section. Tia, Crystal, Dada, and Jane followed her again.

“Italy is so confusing because we’re in a shopping mall that’s basically a fucking palace but this bookstore is literally like a Barnes and Noble, fluorescent lighting at all. It just doesn’t add up.” Crystal said to them, Tia let out a laugh, flipping through what must’ve been Italy’s version of a J-14 magazine.

“That is Rome for you,” Dada piped up with a smirk, Tia rolled her eyes.

“I miss the palace mall in Milan, that was the best,” Nymphia sighed, Jane let out a cocky laugh.

“Don’t call it a palace mall, that is literally the worst thing I’ve ever heard! You mean Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II?” she said. Tia, Nymphia, and Crystal looked at each other , trying not to laugh. Nymphia turned to her.

“Listen to yourself pronounce anything in Italian, do some self reflection, and come back to me when you’re done.” and then they were all laughing, Dada burying her head in Tia’s neck. Jane just flipped Nymphia off and grabbed an Italian travel magazine.

“Look, Dada’s the translator! I’m just a tour guide. Just an amazing tour guide. You don’t even know where we’re going next.”

“Yes I do. Villa Borghese or something,” Nymphia said dismissively, flipping through a copy of Vogue.

“…how do you know that?”

“I went through your notes app.”

“YOU WHAT?! Nymphia- you should never go through a girls notes app!”

“Believe me, I regretted it.”

Jane’s jaw was dropped, she immediately got out her phone, Dada could see her opening the notes app. It was a little fucked up, Jane definitely had written really embarrassing poetry that was never meant for anyone else’s eyes. Dada caught Tia’s eye who was doing a horrible job at holding back laughter, her eyes wide in shock.

“Nymphia that’s horrible! Never look in my notes app!” She exclaimed, Nymphia just cocked her head.

“Yours is probably tame compared to Crystal’s.”

“WHAT THE FUCK NYMPHIA?!”

Luckily Gothy was parked in a parking garage not far from the mall, ready to drive them to the gardens of the Villa Borghese, where they basically just had a huge instagram phootoshoot, Nymphia directing all the poses and angles.

“Nymphia told me she’s doing special ones for Jane. For her Tinder bio when she breaks her heart,” Gothy muttered as Nymphia posed Jane in front of a fountain, trying to find the perfect lighting.

Later they laid out picnic blankets, Jane and Nymphia going up to buy lunch for everyone.

“Okay girls. Now that we’re all here, and I’m not hungover anymore… Tia…. Dada… We need to have a serious conversation,” Nymphia said as she unwrapped her sandwich. Tia and Dada had been pressed against each other on a corner of the blanket, their legs brushing and hands wandering, ignoring everyone with their foreheads basically pressed together, giggling about something. Gothy was fighting not to roll her eyes, Jane was trying not to grin too wide, and Nymphia and Crystal didn’t hesitate to make loud puking noises. Tia and Dada didn’t hear any of it. “Girls come on! You’re being annoying!”

“What the fuck Nymphia?” Tia finally turned away from Dada, who was laughing into her shoulder.

“WELL I’m just saying! You’ve disappeared TWICE now without telling anyone where you’re going. And Jane might not care cause she’s a terrible tour guide, but Crystal and I were getting really anxious, Tia.”

“That is because you three have deep rooted separation anxiety,” Dada giggled.

“I wish we had separation anxiety Dada…” Jane trailed off. Everyone was silent for a second before they burst out laughing, Jane included. “Sisters, you can’t be territorial over Tia like this! And where was this drama when Nymphia and I started-,”

“We had known each other for literally two days. Now it’s been two weeks and Tia can’t just abandon us!” Nymphia interrupted Jane.

“Wait what do you mean two days? That was in Venice, it had been nearly a week at that point?”

“Sure Tia, if that helps you sleep at night.”

“OKAY WAIT NOW I NEED A JANE NYMPHIA TIMELINE.”

“Over my dead body.”

They spent their free time lounging in the gardens, blowing through it the best way they knew how, chain smoking cigarettes (provided by Tia this time), and wasting the day away, quietly whispering about the funny people who walked by. Tia made a point to get up and sit between Nymphia and Crystal at one point, throwing Dada an apologetic look. She just rolled her eyes with a smile and talked to Gothy and Jane, winking at Tia.

Tia had almost missed hearing Nymphia complain about everything, a content smile on her face. And of course she missed laughing at her with Crystal, but she just wanted to be alone with Dada. After all, wasn’t the wait supposed to be over? Did Jane and Nymphia ever desperately want to run away from the group like Tia and Dada do? What do they even do?

As the gardens emptied and the air began to grow cooler, the girls packed up their little picnic and Jane led them to a huge terrace that overlooked all of Rome.

“Okay, sisters,” she sighed. Tia hadn’t even noticed the comfortable silence the group had fallen into, Dada’s hand in hers. The sky was just becoming a hazy purple, the sunset slowly on its way. “What are we doing for dinner? The rest of the group can fend- oh, they left. Okay! So what are we doing?” Tia instantly turned to look at Dada, a playful smile on her face. Maybe they could sneak away, just for dinner and then-

“Ohnonononono. No. Me, Crystal, and the fucking runaway are going to have some girl time. We never hang out alone anymore ever since you guys insisted on coming on the tour with us, I’ll find us somewhere to eat,” Nymphia said, taking out her phone. Tia was maybe a little disappointed as she quickly caught Dada’s eyes that also looked a little sad, but she was too amused by the bewildered look on Jane’s face to care that much.

“YOU literally harassed ME- AND why wouldn’t you ask me for a restaurant suggestion? I’m your tour guide.”

“You’re being an annoying and bad tour guide. You both have zero clue where the rest of the group is. Vanjie could be dead!” Crystal joined in. “And yeah, I’d like to hang out with my girls without their lesbian shadows.” The four of them all went to protest at the same time but realized the statement wasn’t exactly false.

“You know what. I want some time away from you Nymphia. I could use some time without you bitching in my ear. So Dada, Gothy, and I actually are going to get dinner without you three, huh? How about that?” Jane spat.

“That’s perfect. Go. Go. Go find the group,” Nymphia deadpanned, causing Tia to burst out laughing. Dada caught her eye and she was laughing too.

“I will see you tonight,” she muttered to Tia, squeezing her hand. And all Tia wanted to do was give her a quick kiss goodbye and hear Nymphia gag and Jane giggle. But instead she smiled and nodded, letting their hands slowly slip from each other as she was dragged away by Nymphia who was already complaining about Jane. And she would complain the whole way to the restaurant until they were sat. The second Tia opened the menu, Crystal snatched it away.

“What. Happened. Yesterday.” And Tia couldn’t help but giggle. Nymphia tried to look disgusted but was clearly eager to hear the full story. Tia just smiled slyly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” She shrugged just as their waiter came up. Her leg bounced under the table as they all put in their drink orders, she couldn’t wait to see Nymphia and Crystal’s faces when she told them everything. The second their waiter left Nymphia and Crystal continued hounding Tia about what happened yesterday.

And she told them everything. Well, not everything. She didn’t tell them about Dada loving Chappell Roan, or how she talked about France and her roommates. These were little things Tia learned about Dada she wanted to keep, just for her.

But you can bet your ass she told them every other detail, stealing (borrowing) the car, driving around a random little town, them finally being able to be alone again.

“And like…” Tia trailed off. “She’s so fucking hot.”

And it was like two wine moms watching a romcom, Crystal and Nymphia were squealing, literally awwing as Tia continued to gush. Nymphia gave Tia an odd look at one point.

“But did you fuck in the car?”

Tia just shook her head laughing, burying her blushing face in her hands.

“No way. Italian cars are so tiny and you guys are two giraffes!” Crystal laughed as quietly as she could.

“They are very tiny…” Tia nodded. “But we were very desperate.” And then they were all laughing.

“You horny sluts!”

And Tia was so happy, she couldn’t even think to be embarrassed, all she knew was that she loved her friends and maybe Rome was beautiful, and she couldn’t wait to see Dada. But she was glad she got time with Nymphia and Crystal, who she really had missed yesterday. A little. Was that awful? She didn’t know what it was, but she forgot about everything that mattered when she was with Dada. There was no excuse, but she just couldn’t help it.

After Tia finally stopped talking about Dada it was back to whatever drama between Jane and Nymphia that she had missed yesterday. Tia felt bad for Crystal, having to listen to her and Nymphia yap about their summer flings when she was missing her girlfriend back home, but Nymphia didn’t seem to care.

“She literally texted me twenty fucking times. Twenty. About wineries. And I was next to her in bed!” Nymphia bitched as they began walking back to the hotel. Tia laughed along beside her, heart fluttering knowing Dada was definitely bored in her hotel room, waiting for her to come back.

“I’m going to go find Jane,” Nymphia huffed as they walked through the doors and up to their rooms.

“I’ll see you ladies in the morning! Have fun!” Crystal said with a wink before disappearing into her room. Tia grinned as she opened the door to her room, planning on taking a quick shower before going into Dada’s room, harassing her for the rest of the night. But to her surprise when she pushed open her door, there was Dada sitting up in Tia’s bed, a bright grin on her face when she saw her standing in the doorway.

“Tia!” She exclaimed softly, getting up out of the bed to meet her half way, hands already reaching towards Tia’s hips.

“Hey,” she beamed, attempting to close the door behind her but failing when Jane stopped it with her arm. “Oh-hi Jane- yes you can come in.”

Jane was already in the room standing in front of Dada, handing her a small purse that clanged slightly.

“Tia, sister. Over dinner Dada confessed that she smoked you up. I am totally fine with it, but that doesn’t mean you guys can run off with the weed and abandon me. I miss you both.”

“Shut up, you are a loser. I miss you too-” Jane pulled Dada and Tia into a hug. “Stopstopstopstopstop,” Tia let out a laugh and Jane quickly let go.

“With that being said, I’m going out with Nymphia so you can hold onto that for the night. Ugh. I love you. Goodnight.” And with that Tia and Dada were finally alone again, the door shut and locked, Dada just holding the purse with a wicked smile.

“Come on, let’s smoke.” And just as soon as Tia had entered the hotel she was leaving it, walking to find some secluded corner on the street. “You missed out on a thrilling dinner with Jane. We invited Gothy but she’s really busy with work. She’s lucky, all we talked about was Nymphia and whatever they’ve got going on,” Dada said as they walked. Tia gave her a knowing smile.

“Hmm… so you didn’t talk at all about anything or anyone else? Because I know what Nymphia and Crystal were grilling me about all night. But I did hear about whatever argument they had yesterday.” Dada laughed lightly, unable to meet Tia’s gaze as she responded.

“Believe me, I gave Jane as much information as she could handle,” Dada turned down an alley that was secluded and not too sketchy, lighting the spliff. “If I told her every detail I think she would cry every time she saw us. She’s a hopeless romantic.”

Tia took the spliff and inhaled deeply, a buzzing already settling behind her eyes. Jane might’ve been a hopeless romantic, but Tia didn’t feel hopeless as she passed the spliff back to the French girl who was stood in her shadow, taking a slow hit, eyes locked with Tia’s and a slight smile on her lips.

“C’mere,” Tia said sweetly, lips easily finding Dada’s in the dark, the only light coming from the tip of their spliff. And god, she could get used to this.

“I missed you,” Dada whispered when they parted for air, holding the still burning spliff to Tia’s lips. “I know I’ve been with you all day but… you know.” Tia kissed her quick before inhaling again.

“I know,” she giggled, wrapping an arm around Dada and leaning her head against hers. Soon enough the spliff was burnt out, so they lit a cigarette each before beginning the walk back to the hotel. They walked each with an arm around the other's waist, Tia’s head on Dada’s shoulder, stepping in sync. They walked into Tia’s hotel room both exhausted but not ready to go to bed just yet.

Instead they went into the bathroom, taking their makeup off and brushing their teeth together, shy eyes catching every so often. They both knew this was all too domestic, and almost scary how it felt all too right. And it felt too natural when they crawled into bed together, instantly beginning to recap their day and things they wanted to say but couldn’t with the rest of the girls there. What was this instant trust between them that Tia had never experienced before?

“And that thing Nymphia said about her and Jane being a thing from two days in? What the fuck was that?” Tia said, looking up to the ceiling bewildered. Dada laughed from beside her, playing with her hair.

“I know, what took us so long?” She wondered out loud. Tia was now laughing too, turning to press her lips to Dada’s, who sat up. She responded enthusiastically, tangling a hand in the back of Tia’s hair, holding her closer. Tia swung one leg over Dada’s, straddling her hips. She didn’t waste any time to pull off her thin tank top, revealing the black lacy bra Jane found in Milan. Dada threw her head back laughing, letting Tia pull off her own top, elbows knocking as she tried to help, causing them to laugh even harder. They sat beaming at each other like idiots, but god Tia swore they were both burning golden, and they may be forever. She grabbed either side of Dada’s face, pressing a quick chaste kiss onto her lips before reaching over to turn off the bedside lamp.

Tia and Dada fell asleep later that night wrapped in each other's arms, blankets kicked to the end of the bed. They had no clue what the rest of the trip would hold. All they knew in that moment was to hold onto each other tight, letting the sounds of the still bustling city lull them to sleep. And in the months to come, it was always this night, the very first night, that Tia and Dada would wish to travel back in time to.

-

Give me the keys, I'll bring the car back around

We shouldn't be in this town

And my so-called friends, they don't know

I'd drive away before I let you go

So give me a reason and don't say no, no

There's a chain 'round your throat, piece of paper where I wrote

"I'll wait for you"

There's a key on the chain, there's a picture in a frame

Take it with you

And run, like you'd run from the law

Darling, let's run

Run from it all

We can go where our eyes can take us

Go where no one else is, run

So you laugh like a child

And I'll sing like no one cares

No one to be, no one to tell

I could see this view a hundred times

Pale blue sky reflected in your eyes

So give me a reason and don't say no, no

And the note from the locket, you keep it in your pocket

Since I gave it to you

There's a heart on your sleeve

I'll take it when I leave

And hold it for you

And run, like you'd run from the law

Darling, let's run

Run from it all

We can go like they're trying to chase us

Go where no one else is, run

There's been this hole in my heart

This thing was a shot in the dark

Say you'll never let 'em tear us apart

And I'll hold onto you while we run (and we run, and we run, and we run)

And we'll run

[jimmycartersufo]

I just need to vent about pain and ocd and being autistic for a min so this may be triggering so I'm putting it behind a read more thing. so Cw for pots, issues with autism like melt downs, chronic pain, long covid, ocd.

yesterday the house behind us their dogs jumped our fence and ran around the whole court and into the next but they chased a poor stray cat up a tree. I don't think the dogs are violent or anything but they're puppies (husky) so they have energy and don't know what to do with it and what to do with cats. Anyway I tried to get the cat out of the tree so I picked up a log not thinking about anything else and I ended up literally covered in ants. like I felt my hand burning like static and looked and I was covered with hundreds of ants. after we returned home I ended up spiraling. I've been having an issue with contamination of food and drinks with bugs after an incident that happened the same day as the super Bowl where John got me a little pie, the ones you get from the gas station for a dollar, and I took a couple bites and noticed ants on my hands and it turns out that ants got to the pie. which makes sense bc it was a pie in a little cardboard box no plastic so if you're an ant you'd suss it out from miles away. Anyway it's been a thing that has stuck by me. it's always been a thing with me being nervous with food staying out, putting hot food in the fridge, etc but this was soo bad and has made me feel awful so basically I started to have a meltdown once everything was settled. I then noticed as I was drinking from my water cup that there was a tiny bit of mildew at the bottom of the cup. this put me over the edge plus I had taken allergy pills for the ant bites because I was very itchy and the itchy and weird stinging pain was irritating me so ofc ofc ofc I had a big meltdown which included me sleeping on the bathroom floor for comfort and for the solid feeling that a hard floor gives you. I woke up multiple times extremely groggy because with long covid/pots from long covid I have a hard time with normal things so I just... wasn't having a good time last night which included me trying to sleep. I had multiple nightmares about zionists and ants. I woke up yelling a couple times, basically having an anxiety attack in my dreams. I slept restlessly, obviously, so I would wake up without a pillow or my neck and head at weird angles. so when I actually woke up today I was in an immense amount of pain and feeling like a husk from the mental bullshit I was going through.

mentally I feel OK today but exhausted. like a deflated balloon. physically better by 6pm as it is now. but I'm having really bad hanger pain today, it's coming to me quicker it feels, or I don't have a grasp on time. or my neck is already hurting so I just feel it quicker. my hips hurt. random stabbing pains everywhere which is my normal ty long covid BUT with the ant situation my brain goes oh that's ants inside of you biting you :))))

I really need to shower. can't remember the day I did shower but I know it wasn't too long ago because I dyed my hair purple again. Thursday night? I've been relying on dry shampoo. I'm scared to shower today because of the tiles. tiles trigger me because of the thought of germs and fungus and mildew and bugs. what's sooo funny is we've been having an issue with a shitty member at work, she's been a problem for AGES and it got worse on Friday when she decided to scold a child and I went to her and said hey, if there's an issue with a visitor, you need to tell us and not talk to a visitor BECAUSE THAT VISITOR WAS A MINOR CHILD A MINOR!!!!! A CHILD!!!!! and she's like you're abusive you have abused me etc etc. one of her things is to give sob stories so Black women in particular will hug her it's a fucking thing her other thing is to tell you the graphic details of her sexual assault and abuse which then she explained to one of the security supervisors the reason why she spoke to a child she didn't know was not because the child being anywhere near her but the child jokingly hit their siblings leg ONCE and she saw it and scolded this child in the middle of our fucking lobby and considering this woman is also notoriously racist in the quirky little liberal way (pretending to be color blind but reading a Black person a poem she wrote pretending to be a slave) she was definitely scolding this child because they weren't white anyway I am very worried she gave graphic details to a fucking ten year old child trying to have fun in the museum. Anyway I bring this up because this woman tries to excuse all of her bad behavior on being a survivor of abuse and being triggered but she literally puts people, a captive audience, in a position where they may be triggered. like literally my first month in the job she gave me a graphic description of her sexual assault. and then whenever she confronted about something she either says you're abusive or she's like oh I never thought about it like that. meanwhile I'm afraid to shower because if I see a bug idk what I will do. like I can't shower because I'm afraid of the FUCKING TILES! it's just wild how white women in particular weaponize victimhood and survival. she uses it to collect Black women, because she hates Black men for the obvious racist reasons, and once those women aren't palatable and safe for her she turns on them. And for white women (I'm not a woman but I doubt she understands the concept of gender) when you no longer accept her ruse of being a sweet little victim who can't do harm because she's a victim then you are an abuser. which is funny because I have GONE OUT OF MY WAY to never speak to her in the three damn years I have worked here because of the first interaction I have had with her. she calls me abusive because I had to raise my voice to be heard in a busy lobby, but she also doesn't know who I am because she tried to introduce herself and ask me my name late last year because she did not recognize me, but then she also tried to harass me about not making eye contact with her and greeting her and when I told her I am autistic and I do not make eye contact she just turned around and walked away but yeah I'm Sooooo abusive. did I mention she wrote a poem pretending to be a slave?

which just reminds me of how stressful work has been. there's been a ton of bullshit. every god damn week there's something. multiple somethings. I'm tired. we went to John's family after work for Easter. no one stayed but his mom. so it was his mom and grandma and the whole time she complained about her sons not speaking to her enough and had the audacity to be like well Rea how would your mom feel like ma'am, I have a good relationship with my mom, perhaps it is time for self reflection but regardless of that I really found myself struggling to stay masked as in have the right face, the right tone, the right amount of eye contact, etc. I instantly felt drained. working at the museum the last three years is what triggered me looking into an autism diagnosis despite me suspecting since 2018 at the very least, having autistic people tell me for years, etc. I am not able to fully perform the whole customer service role like I used to but I wonder if I was actually doing such ever. or did I just not realize. it's been a lot of looking back and analyzing and realizing that oops someone should have noticed but for the reasons we know it never really happened. Anyway it was a specific interaction I had with my now former boss where we had these jazz concerts we did and one was coming up and I said I'd work the like second or third one but I had questions and I was like oh I dint know much about this event what should we expect and she had kinda snapped at me and was like Rea your coworker is working this event not you you don't have to be stressing etc and it was.... weird. she sometimes did that, not often but it was a thing that would happen and I felt like very weird because I thought I was asking so calmly and it was a spark like..... is my perception of my social interactions different than everyone else's????? is it truly that bad? but no, actually it wasn't. but me needing to know what to expect even months in advance was Def a major sign and it was literally me needing an accommodation except asking for something explained isn't accommodation it's like, my fucking job but anyway!!!!!

today is a pain day. that was the point. I'm in pain I feel awful. I had a vertigo spell whole laying down but I need to lay down because the pain. Just got a notification the neck massager I ordered from tik tok shop should finally be here tomorrow. I got it because there's no way it isn't good when they have people moaning and whimpering online and I really need something for my neck stiffness and pain. Anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am hoping that soon I will be OK enough to shower. I miss our old shower only because it was big enough where I could shower with John which was really helpful. maybe he can sit there in the bathroom with me?????

I need to stop venting and rambling and go lay down again and drink some water. at least I have a lot of food bc of Easter :) and I can eat ham and Mac and Cheese cold which I prefer because I don't always like. hot food esp if I'm already feeling bad and shitty!!!!! cold Mac and cheese really hits. and my dad made it and he used jumbo noodles which is like not a thing but he wanted to lol and I actually rly like them!

[spacedoutman]

Never too young to die | Oc X Velvet von Ragnar (Part 1)

Penny. The disappearance of the love of her life never stopped haunting top-secret agent Helena “Leni” Hé. What happens when the ghost of her past comes back to not only haunt her, but put everything Leni had ever fought for on the line? What happens when that ghost is the psychopathic Velvet von Ragnar?

Can she stop herself from falling for her again?

Gonna start posting parts here after arguing with people on Facebook.

Warnings: Dark subjects such as abuse, addiction and mental health struggles.

Where would that girl end up? Hopefully, whatever happened, it would be the best it could possibly be. Leni’s mind whisked her away like a hurricane. Penny. Maybe her name would change at some point, right? Maybe, she’d wind up in a prestigious college and move on to never worry about anything again.

Maybe, hopefully, she could use dollar bills as makeup wipes and reassure Leni there was a lot more in the bank and that there was nothing to worry about.

Click. The door pulled Leni’s hand like it was its life mission to slam. Leni fought a war to ease it shut. She locked it. Her heart almost burst from her chest like a bullet. Of course, she had no problem with that. Penny didn’t look like a penny. Leni turned around. There was no way in hell she looked like a Penny.

The dim overhead light touched her features, reflecting her dull eyes and dying her smokey eye-shadow brown. Her white teeth shone between her full lips as a hazy grin ran across them, emphasizing her smile lines. What would her eyes look like if they smiled too? Penny looked more like a Theodora, Evangeline or Maria. If she were a Theodora, her nickname would be Theda.

She looked nothing like Theda Bara. Hell, she should’ve been standing in the driveway of a gilded mansion though, not some dumpy gas station bathroom. Penny’s features were far softer than even Leni’s warm gaze. She’d definitely look stunning in some of Theda’s outfits, that was for sure. Maybe she moved like Theda too. Quiet humming took over. Leni’s heart still rushed with adrenaline.

Penny somehow looked exhausted. Leni cupped her face and pulled her over. Her lips against Penny’s was what heaven was. The smell of lavender conquered the slight hint of mold.

Penny melted into her. Leni grasped her shoulders and pulled her in more. Closer was written all over Leni’s mind. Fire raged in their kiss. Leni’s hands raced through Penny’s curly jet hair. Penny’s arms hung loosely around her neck. Time stopped. Mint overwhelmed Leni’s taste buds in the best way possible. Leni would never pull-

Penny pulled away. Leni cupped her face. Penny’s eyes hung half-shut as she gazed through her thick lashes. Her brows drew together slightly and her lips rested parted. She was drunk on her presence. Leni’s head spun enough to erase the stained up white-ish and brown walls. A soft grin spread across her face. “I just wanted to let you know how beautiful you are.”

Penny looked down for a moment. “I had my eye one of those blue sparkly cars outside.“ Penny said a bit absentmindedly. “You know, those fancy ones?”

“Is that your way of telling me you love me?” Leni teased, Penny gave an airy giggle.

“We’ll definitely get married next then.”

Married. That word sent a slew of happy memories through Leni’s head. Like, running her hands through Penny’s hair even when it grayed, or taking her sweet little honeysuckle to any city she even mentioned. Penny blinked long and slow. Leni couldn’t wipe away her grin. “But wait.” Penny’s eyes widened a bit. She looked down and to the side, her brows pressing down.

“No way. If we did, everyone would be able to tell we were a couple. Our names sound too alike.” She mumbled as if it were the second coming of Jesus (or third).

Leni giggled. She tilted Penny’s chin up. Penny looked up at her, her smile faded by now. “That doesn’t matter.” Leni shrugged. “If we went somewhere far away from here, it wouldn’t even matter. Plenty of Pennies and Lenis hang out all the time.”

“That’s true, Helena, but wouldn’t it raise a lot of suspicion?”

“Just as much suspicion as us being in this bathroom together.” Leni replied, matter of factly but still playfully. “The way I look at you has probably given us away.”

Penny looked down with a little smile. Leni’s hand slid, stopping at her upper arm. Penny leaned into her touch. “Every time I look at you, I hear an angel’s chorus.”

“I can say the same for you.” Penny looked up at her. “What would we do after we got married?”

“What married couples normally do.” Leni joked. “But the rest? We’ll figure it out.”

“Take it day by day.”

“Yeah...” Leni reassured in a dreamy sigh.

Penny rested her hands on the rim of the bathroom sink and sat down. Leni looked up at her. Penny sighed, looking away at nothing. Her pupils unfocused. “There’s not enough room for me.” Leni said playfully. Penny scooted—Leni moved her right back, eyes still wide. “Don’t hurt yourself!” Penny burst into chuckles before looking up at the ceiling and sitting against the mirror.

“I’ll never have to visit another art museum, I can tell you that for sure.” Leni said with delight, stepping beside her and sweeping up her hand (carefully).

Penny looked down at her before bursting into chuckles. Music to Leni’s ears. Leni joined her gladly. “I don’t think anyone’s going to notice our absence.” She shrugged. “We could stay here all night.”

“Does anyone really come in here?” Asked the concerned Penny.

“Drew probably would.” Leni joked. If Penny were drinking something, she would’ve spit it out.

Penny smiled and raised an eyebrow as if she were reprimanding her. Leni rested a hand on her jaw, caressing her cheek with her thumb. “Don’t you have curfew?-” “Curfew my ass.” Leni scoffed. “I’m twenty something and still crashing on mom’s couch.” Leni’s eyes widened a bit. “Oh,--speaking of!”

Penny leaned close. Leni laid the tip of her pointer finger on her chest and pushed her back gently. “Wait.” Leni cooed. “Better yet, close your eyes and give me your hands.” Penny looked away and closed her eyes. She raised her hands. Leni opened her palms and reached into her oversized leather jacket. Penny shrunk a bit.

“Are you getting me a lighter?” Penny huffed, trying to pull a hand away.

“Even better. Cigarettes for days.”

Shiny pearls clicked as Leni laid a what, two or three-hundred year old necklace?, in Penny’s palms. She closed her hands carefully and eased them against her chest. “That feels weird.” Penny whispered humorously… but maybe a little awkwardly.

“Open your eyes.”

Penny looked down. Her jaw could’ve hit the floor as she gasped. “I don’t believe it! You know how much your mother values this thing-”

“I know.” Leni assured, anger sprinkled into her calm voice. “She’ll grieve more than if I got into some freak accident. But as this point, I think she deserves it.”

Leni waited for some optimism to leave Penny. Penny held the necklace close to her chest. She closed her eyes and took a long, deep breath of the crisp air. “Well, if some freak accident happens, you can count on me to hold it dear.” Penny said in a honey-drenched voice, quiet enough to be a whisper.

“You know if you sell it, you can get a place out of here.” Leni said quickly.

Penny held it tighter. “You won’t ever have to worry about any of those pricks again.” She grew assertive. Her chest tightened. “Not only that, you can get your ass to college and-”

“Leni.” Penny’s little voice rained on the flame. “Everything’s okay.”

Leni’s expression softened. “You’re right.” She bit her lip. “It is okay.” Penny leaned in. Leni cupped her face. She glanced at the necklace which shone like stars in the light. Penny clutched it tightly, yet her hands were as gentle as a dove’s wings. Leni’s shoulders drooped. She looked away for a moment before composing herself.

She rubbed Penny’s cheek with her thumb. Penny closed her eyes, savoring her touch. Leni leaned in, planting a little kiss on her nose. Her thumb hit something rough. Leni forced herself to look. A couple band-aids clung to Penny’s cheek. Only two showed themselves. The rest were hidden under Penny’s sweater. At least there weren’t as many as typical.

Hopefully, there wouldn’t be as many bruises this time either. Leni felt as dizzy as she would if she spun. She closed her eyes before-

Leni yanked the glass off the nightstand. Her lungs collapsed as she heaved for air. Her hands shook like mad as she raised the glass to her mouth. Her gasps echoed like her head was a chamber. She chugged. The water failed to help her dry throat. The glass slipped from her hand, crashing against her leg then rolling off and onto the bed.

Darkness touched the pretty neat room, melting it all into an ugly blur.

Where did that girl end up? She could still see Penny as well as she could a picture. Leni rested a hand on her chest, slowing her breathing and closing her eyes. She laid her head back. It was just as easy to remember her trembling hands as she sat on the sofa of that old trailer, waiting for the effects of whatever her mother took to sweep away her grief.

Leni wiped the tears from her eyes. Another deep breath. She’d be lying if she denied feeling a leftover bit of that dread every time one of those blasted memories rolled around. She climbed out of bed. The thick blankets rolled off her. She pulled herself over to the window, taking the dramatic curtains and sweeping them open.

Golden lights shone like stars as they lined the yard. The pool water shone deep blue, touching the cobblestone pavement around it. The moonlight clung to the neatly placed pool chairs, reflecting off the silver grills and shining through the umbrellas that shielded the spotless glass tables. Lush rose bushes watched behind the white picket fences. She breathed deeply, swearing she could smell them from here.

Penny would smile. Why was she still thinking about Penny-

“Mom?”

Leni lowered the magazine. The sun beat down angrily. She looked up at Cliff through her sunglasses and smiled happily. Neon green and purple pool noodles were stuffed under his arms. “I’m going to do something crazy.” He said, bursting with confidence. Leni grinned widely and nodded.

“You know what?”

“What?”

Leni rested an arm on the arm of the pool chair and shut the magazine. “Don’t forget the propeller you were building.” She said playfully. “I think it’s in the garage.” He nodded as if he were taking notes.

“Alright, see you, mom!”

“See you, Cliff. Good luck!”

Cliff gave a rushed nod and scampered off. Leni opened the magazine and looked down. She couldn’t get the grin off her face. Helena “Leni” Hé had seen more than her fair share of things as a top-secret agent. But she’d won in life. She’d succeeded. She had her son, her mansion and hella cash. So why was the memory of Penny, the girl that disappeared all those years ago, still haunting her?

[s-brant]

Epilogue

Five years later. (or the epilogue of hitman!h)

Warnings: past trauma, death, grieving of a loved one, and angst.

-

The rolling hills of the town they live in seem to speak to her on their daily walks.

It's a ritual now. After four years of rising with the sun and finding their sweet, smiling toddler waiting for her in their bedroom, Y/N is now programmed to get her blood pumping with an early morning hike through the rural areas surrounding their quaint home tucked away between the vineyards in the area.

The house they live in used to be an old farm shed when she and Alanis happened upon the cheap property in a newspaper advertisement on their second week in the country. What used to be a rundown, deteriorating building has been transformed into a fully functional home over the course of the years they've spent working on it. It took a while for them to get their bearings in the new country, but, now that they've established themselves here with the bakery they run together, the life they lead is an easy one.

The road to New Zealand wasn't an easy one to navigate.

She still doesn't like to think about it, even after all this time has passed, but, on early mornings such as these, she can't help but come back to it. The rushing water that circled her weary body haunts her, it's the reason she cannot find relaxation in baths the way others can, and, if she tries hard enough, she can still remember how the current tugged at her when she swam for the boat. It tried to bring her under and hold her there until she drowned, and, for a moment, she wanted to let it. If Harry was dead, what business did she have continuing to live without him? But, then, she remembered what she failed to when they were standing on that rooftop and decided to fight.

She never fought for herself, she fought for them. For him, actually.

Every time she looks at Roman, who she named after her father within one second of setting her eyes on him in the hospital room, she sees Harry. There's a good representation of her in their son too, most notably in the shape of his lips and the jaw that he inherited from her, but, other than that, it would be obvious to anyone who knew him who his father was.

He was born with a head of hair, and now that he's four years old, it has grown into the same mop of brunette she once used to run her fingers through in idle moments spent cuddling on the couch with his father. The only difference is that his is straight. He resembles the childhood photos she remembers seeing in the nursing home the night before Harry was killed to an eerie degree.

His personality, on the other hand, is a fifty-fifty amalgamation of the two of them. And, yes, that is as much of a nightmare as it is a blessing at times. When he's energetic, he reminds her of herself as a child and how she was constantly bouncing around, ever the inquisitive little girl always asking questions about everything they encountered. When he's playful, he reminds her of Harry and how the dimples in his cheeks became pronounced whenever he smiled at her. Albeit different due to his young age, she discovered early on that he got his dry sense of humor from his father, not her.

Alanis swears he's exactly like her, not even wanting to speak the name of or acknowledge the man that accounted for half of the sweet child's parentage, but Y/N knows that he reminds Alanis of Harry and she refuses to admit it to herself.

It took a long time for her to work up the courage to tell Alanis the truth.

It took months to find her in Italy after she drove away from the warehouse in Garrett's boat, dyed her hair in a gas station bathroom, and fled the country on the cheapest plane she could find at the last minute. But, eventually, she managed to track her down by combing through the phone books for the name she had yet to legally change, which was something she scolded her for soon after they reunited.

Once they reached the safety of New Zealand with Roman being a few weeks old, however, she spilled every secret she'd been withholding in the months they spent waiting in Italy for the late stage of her pregnancy to give way to the grueling process of labor. Her best friend's reaction had been the same one she had at the beginning: rage. But, the difference between them is, Alanis's rage has lasted years and hers hasn't. Hers has shrunken over time and been transformed by grief in the aimless months she's spent pining for someone who no longer exists.

Unlike Alanis, Y/N isn't afraid of acknowledging the existence of the man who both ruined and saved her life. If anything, she's afraid to forget him, and she must take the reminder of him she sees every day in Roman gratefully. Although painful, it's all she has left of the man she loved.

"Mummy! Mummy! Look at the birds!"

The sound of their boy's high-pitched squeals of excitement wakes her from her thoughts of Harry as they amble down the familiar path of their daily walk over the crest of a hill that overlooks the sea. Past the collection of vineyards, there's a cliff that drops off into the ocean with a small beach at the bottom, and they sometimes go there to watch the sunset on weekends. For their morning walks, they watch them from a distance. That's usually her number one rule—they stick to the path on their walks.

But, for today, she smiles at him and asks, ruffling his hair beneath her hand, "You wanna get closer to them?"

He takes off like a track runner dashing from the starting line with no warning offered to her, and she can't help but giggle at him running off the path of the road into the grassy field before the cliff's edge.

"Don't get too close to the edge!" she shouts with hands cupped around her mouth.

A little arm shoots up above his head to display a thumbs-up that prompts her to shake her head at him. He's his father's son, that's for sure. Much like Harry, he's a boy of few words with most people. She and Alanis are the only two in the world who are blessed with the gift of long conversations with him, but, even then, he gets quiet the same way Harry did quite often and leaves her wishing she could peek into that head of his.

Now that years have passed, she has felt comfortable enough in her new life to stop coloring her hair the shade she picked out when hiding beneath the hood of her sweatshirt in a Florida convenience store. At twenty-six, she remains mostly unchanged by the time that has passed from a physical standpoint. Emotionally? That's a different story.

Every few months, she gets bombarded with questions from Alanis about why she refuses to go out and meet someone new, and every time she tries to explain it, she doesn't understand, so she's stopped trying. Alanis found a way to move on after she was told about what Zayn did to get her out of the city, but Y/N has never been able to escape the love she felt for Harry to the point where she has given up on trying.

"You don't get it," she said to Alanis when they were painting the walls of Roman's room the shade of green he requested before the new school year. "I know you hated him, but..." The words got caught in her throat for a second despite freely flowing in her mind. "He was the love of my life. I mean, it'd be nice to have someone, I guess, but I'll just compare them to him. It wouldn't work."

Alanis was quick to point out the biggest piece of evidence that pointed in the opposite direction.

"He ruined your life"

She huffed a laugh, shaking her head.

"He actually saved my life. Over and over and over again."

The air is warm where it brushes up against her face and bare legs, clad in a thin pajama top that buttons down the middle and a pair of jeans she cut into shorts herself with their kitchen scissors a few summers ago. Each blade of grass tickles her calves on the walk up to where Roman stands, far away from the edge, with his binoculars held to his face and aimed at the birds swooping and dancing over the water.

She crouches down beside him to make herself closer to his height and asks, reaching a hand out expectantly, "What kind are they, Ro? Let me see."

As he watches her take the binoculars and raise them to her eyes, he says, "I think they're swallows. That book you gotted me showed pictures and they look like those."

Memories are particularly unkind to her in moments like these. Whenever she hears something like that, something so specific to the short period of time she got to spend with Harry those years ago, it hits like a punch to the gut every time, and today is no exception. But, after the pang of pain recedes, it gives way to an aching nostalgia that has her torn halfway between fond recollection and sorrow.

A little hand tugs on one of her long braids in a quiet request to give him back his binoculars, and she makes sure to give him a very pointed stare that reminds him of his place and has him murmuring, "Sorry," with his head hung low.

But, she smiles.

With hands placed under his arms, she scoops him up and shifts them so he sits in her lap with her arms wrapped around his little waist. It provides him the comfort of knowing he isn't in major trouble with her while simultaneously providing her the comfort of having her child near while the past threatens to tug her back into a pit of depression.

He squirms in her grasp for a second before sagging back against her chest and fumbling with his binoculars in his dirty hands before getting them back to his face.

"Did you know," she starts, and as she says it, she thinks she can feel Harry here with them, "that swallows mate for life?"

"Noooo."

"What? They didn't have that in your book? I'm gonna have to have a word with the guy who made it and tell him he needs to get his facts straight."

Birds quickly became a fixation of his after he became old enough to be aware of his surroundings and retain memories beyond the short-term ones that evaded him when he was one and two years old. Part of why they take their walks is due to his fascination with them, and, she cannot deny, when she was first faced with his fixation on them, it felt like a jab of sadistic irony from whatever force that controls the universe on puppet strings.

She presses a kiss onto his temple and allows her smile to widen at the sight of the birds flying up ahead.

"They pick one mate, and when they die, the other one stays until the end. They're one of the only species that does that. Isn't that amazing?"

When he nods, she takes it as her chance to do something she's avoided for as long as she could. It isn't as if he hasn't asked about his father. In fact, the first time was when they were on a walk and one of the women working in the vineyard invited them over to walk the property. Between explanations on how they harvest the grapes and turn them into wine, she asked where his father was, and Roman didn't know what to say. She never mentioned his father. Not yet, anyway, and nobody else ever asked until her.

What she told him that day was the truth: his father passed away before he was born but would've loved him just as much as she did had he not. But, she's been too afraid to mention Harry past that explanation, What happened if she told him stories about him and he started getting upset with her for bringing up something he can never have? What if, when she talks about him, she'll have to confront the fact that he truly isn't coming back?

Pushing through the knot of anxiety sitting heavy in her stomach, she asks him, brushing his hair from his face, "Do you know who told me that?" And, when he shakes his head, she smiles sadly at the birds out above and says, "Your daddy told me that. He had those birds tattooed on him just like me."

Roman simply bursts with excitement at this and spins around in her lap with his hands grappling onto her shoulders for stability. When she sees the happiness on his face, she knows that she hasn't made a mistake in bringing Harry up. If anything, the mistake was waiting this long to do so.

"He liked birds too?!"

A giggle leaves her in the wake of his untamable zeal, and she nods.

Then, he asks, "Can I get a bird tattoo?"

The smile that has been plastered on her face for the past five minutes drops at the question accompanied by his trademarked puppy dog face.

"A temporary one. Not a real one until you're all grown up. Sorry to disappoint but that face doesn't work on me for tattoos, little man."

The idea of a temporary tattoo to match his parents seems to please him for the time being, though, and he spins back around to watch his beloved birds with a happy sigh.

It's the quiet moments like these where she feels the absence of Harry's presence beside her the most. In the mornings when they're sitting and eating blueberry pancakes, when she waves him goodbye outside of his primary school, at bedtime when she tucks him in, and, most of all, when she trims his hair once per month while they sit on the porch stairs together.

She'll look out at the road stretching ahead, knowing that this is the perfect place in the world for their son to grow up—a place of peace and simplicity, far from the chaotic environment in which he was conceived—and picture Harry walking up over the bend of the hill with that dimpled smile on his face. He'd get down on his knees and allow Roman to run into his arms, then spend the next four minutes locked in a tight embrace to make up for each year of his life that he missed.

No matter how impossible it is, there will always be a small part of her waiting for him to fulfill his promise and come find her. It doesn't matter that she now knows that he didn't mean those words literally. Alanis can keep asking and bothering her to put herself out there again, but she chooses to live in those moments of fleeting daydreams while she cuts Roman's hair. What else could anyone expect from her but to wait?

After all, swallows mate for life.

[chaletnz]

Crossing El Salvador: Cerro Verde to San Miguel

We left Cerro Verde for what would be a two day affair to cross the borders getting us to Nicaragua where our real trip continued. I woke up very early to try and get a lukewarm shower at the campsite rather than the cold ones everyone else had been getting. It was a good way to refresh, and then I packed up ready to load my bag onto the van and have breakfast. Deme and I went back to the cafe but having learned from our mistake, we just ordered the regular cappuccino this time! Others in the group did paintballing while the rest of us took our morning easy. The group returned to the bus ready for our five hour drive to San Miguel sweating and covered in welts and bruises. Georgi had been shot particularly hard as she had accidentally hit Max in his manhood and he'd been given a free redemption shot that turned into him emptying the gun on her. The ride was long and dull and broken up only by some gas station stops for snacks along the way. We'd left around 11am from our campsite and had expected to arrive around 5pm to San Miguel. Traffic was quite heavy as we passed through what seemed like El Salvador's only main road. We stopped for lunch at Comida Mercedes in Cojutepeque which was, in a word - chaotic. Walter had attempted a Spanish lesson during the drive and taught us the names of some fruits and vegetables that we might like/not like and lettuce and cabbage which we should not eat at all until we reach Costa Rica due to pesticides. There was a stop to ride a boat around Laguna de Apastepeque for one dollar each, the music was blaring and we all crammed into the boat. The boaties rocked it from side to side to where I was a little nervous that either the boat would fill up with water, or we'd flip over and fall in the lake. After circling the lake and waving at everyone we came across the boaties helped us all back onto land. We got back into the minibus and after a couple more hours we had arrived at a mall in San Miguel down the road from our hotel. We had about 30 minutes to use the toilets, buy some snacks for the long day tomorrow to cross two borders, and look around the mall. We tried to find souvenir magnets for El Salvador but the only ones for sale were $7 and terrible quality. Instead I went to the supermarket to spend some money on some snacks for tomorrow. The cashier didn't believe the $20 bill I paid with was real so they had to check it out, and then he didn't have enough change either so I was stuck waiting for him to get change. I ended up being the last one back to the bus and felt so guilty taking my seat when everyone else was ready. Our hotel was a few more minutes away and then we could check in and shower at last! Walter made a reservation for us in the hotel restaurant and about half the group showed up. I sat with Tyrza, Wout, and Boukje, the Dutch speaking trio as well as Jess, Emily and Cam from the UK. Boukje and Jess split a grilled fish platter and Wout, Tyrza, and I split a barbecue grill platter. It was huge! It came out with chicken, beef, and sausages, as well as about 4 large potatoes cut up on the grill, a bowl of garlic bread, and 4 dipping sauces/salsas. Split between the 3 of us, we only paid about $9 each and ate until we were stuffed. With a few cocktails tacked on there it was still less than $20 for a relatively nice restaurant dinner and drinks. After dinner we headed back to our rooms for an early night before our 4:30am departure tomorrow morning to get to the border. I saw Emily and Georgi sitting in the lobby in a panic that the receptionist couldn't speak English and they needed a taxi. Georgi had dyed her hair again (after dying it two days earlier while at the campsite...) and it had gone fully orange. They were on a mission to try and find some toner but keep in mind these are the two who didn't even know the words to ask for a bathroom in Spanish, going out alone at night when we needed to be ready to leave at 4:30am! I told them to take a photo of the hotel sign and how to say "help" if they ran into trouble and wished them luck.