#and then does she die before getting to do anything with that??

[a-casxandra]

𝗬𝗢𝗨'𝗥𝗘 𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧!?

𝐋𝐚𝐝𝐬 𝐌𝐞𝐧 : reacting to you having cryptic pregnancy.

a cryptic pregnancy also known as stealth or hidden pregnancy, occurs when a woman is unaware that she is pregnant, until late in the pregnancy, sometimes even until labor begins. This can happen for various reasons, including a lack of typical pregnancy symptoms, misinterpretation of symptoms, or denial of pregnancy.

★｡+ﾟ☆ 𝐗𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐑 ☆ﾟ+｡★

You’re both just finished a mission and was on the way to the hunter's association, when you double over in pain. You think it’s food poisoning. He calmly carries you before teleporting immediately to the medical wings inside the hunter's association.

Reaction:

At first? Deadpan calm.

“...You’re giving birth. That’s what this is.” He says it like he’s reading it from a technical manual, but his grip on your hand tightens.

Internally, he’s going through every medical protocol stored in his deepspace hunter database. He’s weirdly efficient, guiding the doctors, not letting go of you even once, but he keeps asking:

“Do you want water? Are you afraid? Should I hold your hand?”

Even after the baby arrives, he’ll just stare at it with blank confusion, then gently say:

“It’s... small. Like you.”

Then promptly falls asleep holding your hand, because the shock finally hits him post-event.

★｡+ﾟ☆ 𝐙𝐀𝐘𝐍𝐄 ☆ﾟ+｡★

Irony of ironies—you’re in his hospital, and he’s on a break when it happens. You clutch your stomach, and he immediately runs to you. Zayne kneels beside you, immediately goes full doctor-mode—except he’s not calm.

“Where does it hurt? How long has it been—shit, your pulse is spiking.”

He gets you to the ER fast, barking instructions at the med team even though he knows he shouldn’t be interfering. When they tell him you’re in labor?

“That’s not—there’s no way. That’s not possible. We would've seen it. I would've known.”

He’s shaken. All logic, all science he believes in—thrown out the window. But the second he sees the baby placed in your arms, the tears he didn’t realize were there finally spill.

Later, when it’s quiet, he touches the baby's cheek and murmurs:

“I missed everything… but I’m not missing anything else.”

★｡+ﾟ☆ 𝐑𝐀𝐅𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐋 ☆ﾟ+｡★

You’re at an art exhibit he’s hosting. You collapse in pain, and he freaks out so dramatically that half the press thinks it's performance art.

Rafayel panics. Loudly. hands fumbling, as he tried calling for ambulance.... too bad he's too panicking that he actually called the coast guard instead.

“What’s happening to her?! Do something! You’re doctors—aren’t you supposed to save lives?"

Once told you’re in labor, his first reaction?

“That’s impossible. I’d know, wouldn’t I?!” But then he’s by your side, holding your hand, tears in his eyes even before the baby arrives.

“I didn’t even get to talk to them in your belly... I feel like I missed everything.”

Once the baby cries? He cries too.

And don’t expect him to leave your hospital bed. He’ll cuddle both you and the baby like a sea otter protecting its whole world.

★｡+ﾟ☆ 𝐒𝐘𝐋𝐔𝐒 ☆ﾟ+｡★

You’re helping him review maps of the N109 zone when you double over. You think it’s something you ate. You’re trying to tough it out—until you start bleeding.

He freezes. Just for a split second.

Then he carries you bridal-style through Onychinus HQ like a war just started. If anyone even blinks wrong, he growls:

“Out of my way or die.”

At the hospital, Sylus glares at the doctors, knives in his voice:

“If anything happens to her, I’ll tear this place apart.”

Once he learns it’s a birth? He does not compute.

“...We didn’t even know. Kitten, How the hell did this happen?”

But he doesn’t leave your side. When the baby comes, he just stands over it silently... before muttering:

“You’ll take after her. Not me.”

And then wraps you and the baby in his jacket like it’s armor.

★｡+ﾟ☆ 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐁 ☆ﾟ+｡★

You’re watching a Farspace Fleet training session when you suddenly cry out in pain. Caleb catches you before you hit the ground.

Instant military mode. Barks orders. Clears the area. Escorts you to medical like he’s carrying precious cargo.

“She’s in pain. Do your jobs.”

When told you're in labor? his eyes widen. For once, Caleb is silent.

Once he’s alone with you though? His voice softens.

“Pipsqueak.. You’re really about to give birth, huh? I didn’t see it coming… but I’m here. I’m not leaving.”

He holds your hand through every contraction, whispering encouragement, wiping your tears.

And when the baby’s born? He crumbles.

“They’re perfect. You’re perfect. You did this all by yourself… I’m sorry I wasn’t there before, but I will be now. For everything.”

[it's my first time writing a reaction/imagine thingy. Should i do a part 2, when the baby comes out looking exactly like them?]

[thesafflelad]

Like, Carol's husband is about to die, and her first daughter is lost to a fate far worse. Speculative as it may be, she's likely acting out of desperation. Like, pure evil (or pure good) characters don't exist in Undertale nor Deltarune. Titans may be an exception: they either haven't been explained fully or are like traditional demons: they have human-like forms to try and appeal to human beings, but ultimately are fundamentally unable to do anything but reject what is good. That, or they're twisted angels, and whoever forms their fountain is their God," so to speak.

Asgore got so, so much shit for his actions, partly because Toriel dragged him for his grief-stricken choice (and damn-near everyone loves Toriel), and partly because it's implied that only children had fallen into the Underground. He made a stubborn decision out of grief to inspire hope that faded just as fast. He's a desperate man that wants his people to be happy... but tragically, more than that, he wants to give up. He does everything in his power during the fight to have you kill him or vice versa, and with the recent information of larger bullets dealing less damage, he really doesn't want to kill you. Unrelated, he does have boundary issues with Toriel, in both UT and DR. He still refers to her as "my wife," for crying out loud, promising to raise you with her without consulting her!

Flowey is just as broken, too. He's lived for what feels like millions of years doing anything he wants. He can't even die. He's lived the same life for so long that he's detached entirely because of the circumstances of his creation. Asriel was brought back to life in a flower without his soul. Imagine thinking every thought without feeling... anything. There's no chemical that releases for joy or despair or anything, and I assure that some people don't have to imagine. Flowey isn't evil because he can't feel anything; he's a villain because he prioritizes his entertainment over the lives of others, and he only does that because he is deeply, tragically lonely. Once he can feel again, he's still trying to kill who he thinks is his best friend, all because he's convinced everything is a game (I know the likely argument, but Flowey can't view Undertale metatextually). He's broken, alone, and has been without kindness from someone he knows for so long that he can't understand it.

Toriel isn't perfect. She's overprotective, stubborn, and unforgiving; hell, the way she talks about Carol speaks a lot to her character. Though Toriel has a vested interest in the wellbeing of hers and other children, she's known as particularly harsh to others. She's distant from others in her own way, not just physically, but emotionally in most dialogue (not with Sans but he's... weird in Deltarune.) In Undertale, the monsters of the Ruins are scared of her, almost in the same way criminals are scared of Mayor Holiday, and in that game, she only drops her life of resignation and feaux determined might(which parallels Asgore a lot) only when something the player has no knowledge of goads her to do something different. Like... guys, she probably figured out the One Soul plan in hindsight; she would've been just as stuck as Asgore trying to figure a way out for years, and even after she did... would she dare desecrate the souls of children she respected? Would Asgore dare?

Name a fic before 2018 where Alphys wasn't either killed off or had half her research replaced with Gaster's. If it exists, I'd like to read it. Dorked made a great video about her and says a lot of stuff better than I can, so watch it, please. DC;DW: Alphys has some flaws, yes, but she gets so overshadowed by other characters by the fandom and treated like this terrible, unforgivable person for years. She tried something, failed and changed the lives of dozens of Monsters forever, and had no idea how to rectify it, thinking she failed. If you had to tell everyone that your immortality experiment didn't produce the desired results, and that their loved ones will never be the same, I want to imagine having the responsibility of telling the people you think you failed. She's so ready for people to hate her, she's resigned herself to already being hated.

And honestly, going through all that... all wrongdoings in Undertale have a central theme, don't they? Accepting grief or loss, and desperation to cling to a life they knew. Asriel wants his best friend, Asgore wants the person who loved him most and his children and would rather die than live with killing another child, Toriel wants her children back and resents Asgore's path (partially because she would have taken it), and Alphys is so petrified by the only choice she has that she just doesn't act honestly.

Even in Deltarune, Susie is desperate to seem tough and aloof because she grew up as The Scariest Monster, either among humans or other, crueler monsters. Ralsei is a liar because he's frightened that things will fall apart if everyone knows too much. Berdly is so focused on how he's perceived that he'd rather punch down than reveal he can make mistakes. King doesn't want to be abandoned and holds resentment for the people that left him behind. Queen says plainly that she wants to rule the world to give everyone an escapist fantasy, doing only as designed. Tenna just wants people to watch him again, and doesn't try to genuinely kill you until he literally gets told that his audience won't watch anymore. Jevil's mind broke and he thinks himself free from reality. Spamton's mind broke and he's very consciously aware of his limitations and would literally steal the soul of the only person that's ever been kind to him to have agency again.

So... Deltarune's main characters up to this point all have a bit of desperation in them. It's congruent with the theme to believe Carol is the same way. It'd be accurate to assume that unless the Knight is also Carol, a mini-titan, or some secret thing we don't know, that they're just as desperate as well. The more evil and violent the actions, the more desperate. The more scared they are. Honestly, with control freaks, most of the time they're like that because Something Went Terribly Wrong And I Need To Be Able To Make Sure Nothing Goes Wrong Ever Again. It's an escapist fallacy that gives the person suffering some semblance of sanity at the expense of themself and others.

That, or my media comprehension is shit.

"[deltarune character] has gotta be evil" Hey. Hey. Have you payed any attention at all to the way toby writes characters. did you all forget when in like 2016 everyone was going crazy over chara being evil when theyre like. an actual child. and they literally tell you that their actions/dialogue in the no mercy route is a direct reflection of the way YOU act? Speaking of the no mercy route. all those times when characters would say things like "i think youre still capable of being a good person". like. i think its a disservice to these games to try to call any character outright evil. its always more complex than that.

[vevobly]

Yellowjackets Loving You While You Love Someone Else Headcanons! [Pre-crash] (1)

A/N: @nieveink you asked for this! \^o^/

Jackie Taylor:

Jackie doesn't know she's in love with you. Not really. All she knows is that when she sees you in your boyfriend's hoodie, something in her goes sour and quiet. She watches you from across the cafeteria almost always, smiling unconsciously to herself when she sees you laughing and grinning with your friends. And whenever you glance over to her, she quickly looks away and pretends to have been doing something other than staring at you.

One night at a party, you borrowed her jacket when you were cold. Jackie doesn't ask for it back. But she noticed how it smelled like your perfume later when you returned it to her. She doesn't let herself think about it too hard. She never even says anything about it. But when you're around? She always adjusts her hair and smiles a little differently. She tries to rationalize it as her just being a good friend. But at night, when she's on the phone with Jeff and thinking about prom?

It's your name that comes to her mind first instead of his. And it's because of that, Jackie becomes too keenly aware of how much she likes you way more than she should. How much she badly wants to be seen by you.

Shauna Shipman:

Shauna notices everything. The way you touch his arm when you laugh? The way he never notices the sad look that sometimes crosses your face? She thinks about telling you about it all once. But instead, she offers to help you with your homework and says nothing. In her journal, she writes things like she deserves someone who listens and he doesn't even know her favorite book. She knows it's pathetic and bitter for her. Especially because you're so kind to her.

And yet here she is, writing all sorts of complaints she has about your boyfriend in her journal. He's not even that bad, she tries to tell herself. But your boyfriend somehow managed to be much worse than Jeff because he says “cool beans” unironically, and it just makes her irrationally angry. She's tried to date other people, just to feel normal. But then she sees you at practice, running across the field, the sun catching your hair and it all comes back to her suddenly.

She pretends she doesn’t notice how much you look at your boyfriend. But she does. Every single time. Whenever you mention your boyfriend, her stomach turns and she fights back the urge to just scream. But instead, she fakes a smile and tells you how that's so cute. She imagines a different life sometimes. One where you picked her. One where you guys sat on the hood of her truck and held hands under the stars. She dreamt of kissing you and avoided your gaze for a week.

Taissa Turner:

Tai notices you during soccer practice. How you move with grace but laugh like a dork. And to her? It's painfully charming. She's not someone who usually lets feelings get in her way, but you slip past her defenses effortlessly. Tai tells herself it's just a little crush at first. Harmless. But then she finds herself offering to walk you to your class even when it's in the opposite direction of hers. She lets you sit next to her on the bus and shares her granola bar with you.

Whenever you smile at her, It's like the only thing you're looking at is her. Then suddenly, she's fourteen and clumsy again. Tai doesn't herself to want you. But her feelings can't be helped. She never admits it. She'd rather die than say it. But sometimes she wonders if you'd look at her the way you look at him if things were different. She thinks maybe you'd understand her if she tried. But then she sees your hand in his, and the thought of it dies in her throat.

Tai acts a little colder around your boyfriend. She doesn't know if it's because she's jealous of him or protective of you, but she does. You mentioned prom once, and she joked about going stag before imagining what it would be like to go with you. You asked to borrow her hoodie one day when it got cold and she gave it to you instantly with a smile. When you returned it to her a bit late? It still smelled like you weeks later, and she couldn't bring herself to wash it.

Van Palmer:

Van jokes around a lot, it's how she keeps things light. But she feels things hard. Especially when it comes to you. The day you lent her your extra jacket because she forgot hers? She felt something she didn’t know how to name. She wants to tell you about movies you’d like. She wants to make you laugh until you spit soda. But you're almost always talking about your boyfriend like he hung the moon, and she's not going to ruin that.

Every time your boyfriend treats you like you’re ordinary. Like you’re not the most interesting person in the room? Van resists the urge to roll her eyes and tell you how much she can be better. You sit next to her on the bus sometimes, and Van tries her best to play it cool every time. But when you fall asleep leaning on her shoulder once? She couldn't breathe. The flannel she wore that day? She wears it again just in case. As silly as it sounds, it could be a good luck charm for you.

Van once nearly confessed to you but chickened out last second, telling you that you and your boyfriend looked good together instead. She instantly hated herself for it. Every time she watches you smile at your boyfriend, she looks away to stop herself from wishing you loved her instead of him. She plays mixed CDS in her room with songs that remind her of you. And sometimes, she dreams about a version of her life where you were wearing her letterman jacket instead of his.

Natalie Scatorccio:

Nat’s never had the luxury of soft feelings, but you make her want them. She doesn’t even know when it happened. But maybe it was the first time you looked at her like she wasn’t a freak. Like she's just a girl. Just Nat. She hates your boyfriend immediately, because he's everything that she’s not. He's honest, he's kind, and perfect. And unlike her, he gets to hold your hand easily without any problems. Without any worries about anyone looking at you two weirdly.

One night at a party, you asked her if she’s okay. She was just sitting alone, drinking. You were touching her arm and smiling at her. She wanted to kiss you at that moment, but she couldn't and she hated herself for it. So she just shrugged and lied to you that she was. She sees how your boyfriend treats you—decent, maybe even sweet. And it eats at her because she'd treat you better than he does. Because he doesn’t see you like she does.

You compliment her music taste once and suddenly she plays the same cassette until it warps. You laugh with your whole chest, and Nat lights a cigarette just to look busy so she can stop herself from reaching for you. Whenever she watches you lean into your boyfriend’s shoulder in the hallway, she wants to disappear. She won’t act on it. She can’t. But she smokes an extra cigarette behind the bleachers and imagines a version of life where you look at her like that.

Lottie Matthews:

Lottie doesn’t chase people. She doesn’t need to. But with you, there’s this strange gravitational pull. She tells herself it’s just a passing thing. You’re pretty, sure. Kind. Charming. But when she sees you in the hallway, leaning into your boyfriend’s shoulder? Something in her stomach knots. She invites you to a party, just you. And you bring him. She smiles at you when you arrive anyways, offers you a drink, and pretends it’s fine when jt’s not.

When she dreams at night. It’s of you, running barefoot through a field, reaching back for her hand. Lottie is kind, thoughtful, occasionally awkward around you. But she's good. And while your boyfriend never did anything wrong to her or you, she still resents him. She tells herself it’s not jealousy, she just thinks he's not good enough for you and you deserve someone way better than him. Someone who will always be with you despite everything, unlike him.

She brings you a polaroid one day, a blurry shot from a team trip. You’re in the background, laughing, in it. “You looked happy,” She said it quietly. You complimented her nail polish once and she couldn't stop staring at her hands for the rest of the day. Lottie never speaks her feelings aloud for you. But she starts dressing nicer on days she knows she’ll see you. You tucked a flower behind her ear as a joke during class. And she's kept it pressed in a book for months.

Laura Lee:

Laura Lee tells herself it's just admiration—you’re confident, compassionate, someone she wants to emulate. That what she feels when you smile at her is innocent. But then you touch her arm during a group project and she forgets how to breathe. She prays for forgiveness, understanding, and guidance. Before praying for you and herself. But the feelings don't go away. She watches you brush your boyfriend’s arm in the hallway at school, and she tells herself not to look.

Because when she does, her heart aches. She can’t bring herself to resent your boyfriend, because he seems nice and he makes you really happy. But it breaks her heart every time she sees you two together. She writes you letters she will never send that she keeps sealed in a shoebox under her bed. Filled with so many sweet and flowery words about you. And you only. She's always talking to god about you like she’s not in love, but she is.

When your boyfriend picks you up after school? She's always fetching you and bringing you to him. And then she watches as you practically run to him without another care about anything in the world before turning away fast, her heart pounding. Laura Lee wants you to be happy. She truly does. That’s the thing she wants more than anything. But deep down? She wonders if she’d make you happier sometimes. She tries her best not to think about it, but she can't help it.

Misty Quigley:

You are one of the very few people who doesn't treat Misty invisible or weird. You're polite to her. You say hi to her in the hallways. You let her borrow your notes. You partner with her in chem when no one else will. She gets so little affection from anyone that even crumbs from you feel like feasts. One time you called her cute when she was wearing these brand new butterfly clips her dad bought for her. And Misty? She replayed that word in her head for days.

Since then, she memorizes every nice thing you’ve ever said to her. She volunteers to help with any project you're involved in—tutoring, book clubs, anything. Misty is convinced that if she just proves herself enough, you might choose her. Whenever you complain about your boyfriend to her? She listens extra hard, while secretly hoping the two of you to break up. “I wish you looked at me the way you look at him.” She whispers one night in her room, staring at a photo of you during a class trip.

When Misty noticed how your boyfriend waits for you by the locker? She tried mimicking how he stands, how he talks, just so she could understand you. Take mental notes and figure out what you like in people. Sometimes, she fantasizes about you. Nothing big! Just small things like sitting next to you at lunch, just you and her. She doesn’t want anything bad to happen. But if your boyfriend tripped and broke a leg or something... well. That’d be fine, right? You do have her still!

[pesky--dust]

Guys. I’m so weak. I couldn’t sleep thinking and crying because of teacups and Abigail (but also about Mischa and Clarice).

I know that everyone knows these things but let me get this all out of my head (hopefully).

Teacups are one of the most important recurring motifs of the show. Movies accustomed everyone to the fact that Hannibal Lecter is horrendous cannibalistic serial killer and that’s of course true, however I don’t remember anything about teacups/china from there, but it is in fact in the books. Hannibal is passionate about Stephen Hawking theory presupposing that if the universe starts to contract, then time should reverse.

The show’s famous quote was inverted from the book (“Occasionally, on purpose, Dr. Lecter drops a teacup to shatter on the floor. He is satisfied when it does not gather itself together”).

In the show he says he isn’t satisfied when the teacup does not gather itself together, because he does wish it would gather itself together, because he feels remorseful about Mischa’s death and if the universe would start to contract, then the smashed teacup should get itself back together again, and it would mean that he would go back in time to the moment where Mischa is still alive.

And he tries to deceive fate.

In the book he tries to do so by using Clarice but the effect he gains is not the one that was his original plan, if I can say so, however he is still happy with that anyway, as you can tell by “For many months now, he has not seen Mischa in his dreams”.

In the show he uses Abigail for that. He faked her death. Everyone thought that she was dead but it turned out that she was alive. He did it! He turned back time! The teacup did gather itself together! Right? Right???

However, feeling angry about Will, he decides, “Fate and circumstance have returned us to this moment. When the teacup shatters.”, and that moment for Abigail is the moment, when her father took her hostage and wanted to kill her. Of course, Will shot Garrett Jacob Hobbs then, but he was so shaken that he couldn’t put the pressure on her wound properly. If it wasn’t for Hannibal, she would die on that kitchen floor (and she also knew that!).

So Hannibal cut her neck in the exact same place as Hobbs. Because the teacup actually was midair the whole time, seconds before smashing, if it wasn’t for him.

Abigail was not his Mischa. She was Will’s Mischa. The child Will had to lose in order to truly understand him and his pain. Hannibal hoped to turn back time but you cannot do it with the teacup that is leaking from the very beginning?

Thank you. All these thoughts made me cry from midnight to two in the morning.

[hellfirebarnes]

Slow-Burns Part 12

@crowleythesexydemon

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I split this up in several, shorter parts because I know the feeling when you want to read a fic but don't have the time or energy to get through a 10k+ words one. Also if you hate my writing you can just read part 1 and then leave it. Win-win I guess?

Anyway, this is set after Thunderbolts so if you haven't seen it - spoilers I guess? It absolutely does not follow canon, but yeah better to be safe than sorry.

Summary: Bucky has fallen. Hopelessly. And the only thing more hopeless is his team trying to help him get to the end of this slow-burn.

Bucky x fem!SHIELD!reader

2k Words or around there, I added more to a part and didn't have to energy to change this, we'll live

Fluff, ''normal'' violence and descriptions of injuries. For sure out of character stuff, but I am who I am. Your appearence is barely desribed what I can remember, I think your hair and a couple types what clothes you're wearing?

You're referred to as ''Agent'' and ''Sunshine'' in a desperate attempt from me to not use Y/N.

Let me know if there's anything else I should warn about.

Otherwise, enjoy :)

Bucky was pacing. Not just pacing. Broodingly stalking back and forth by the jet, jaw clenched so tight it could crack steel. The mission hadn’t even started, and he was already spiraling.

Two months. Two. Whole. Months.

Without you. Without even being in the same time zone as you. Without hearing you laugh at John’s dumb jokes, or stealing glances of you curled up with Bob on the couch like the human embodiment of serotonin. Without maybe-accidental-maybe-on-purpose touches in the hallway. Without your camera flash lighting up the living room. Without-

“Relax, Snowflake,” Alexei boomed, slinging a massive duffel over one shoulder. “It is just eight weeks. You won’t die. Maybe.”

“I’m not-” Bucky muttered.

“You’re sweating through your shirt.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re in love and spiraling, my friend. It is very sexy, very dramatic, but not subtle.”

Ava raised an eyebrow. “Honestly? You do look like someone just stole your favorite knife.”

Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets. “It’s just the timing. I was gonna- I thought maybe-”

“Yes, yes,” Alexei said, grinning like a man who’d just won the lottery. “You thought maybe you’d finally say something to her before the world separated you. Very movie moment. Except now? You’ll mope like broken dog in the snow for two months. Classic.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“You should.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because if she doesn’t feel the same-”

“Then you will know. And die. But at least honorably. Like warrior.”

Bucky groaned. He glanced toward the hangar entrance, heart stuttering - because there you were. Wearing a hoodie three sizes too big (probably John’s), holding two travel mugs, one clearly for him. You always did that. Always thought of him. And now he couldn’t breathe.

You reached them with a sleepy smile. “Did you think I’d let you leave without caffeine?”

He managed a quiet, “Thanks.”

“Bring me back something fun,” you said. “A knife. Or a grenade. Or, you know, souvenirs.”

Alexei elbowed Bucky hard. “Now’s your moment.”

“Shut up,” Bucky hissed.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said to you, too quickly.

“You okay?”

And then it just blurted out. Like his body betrayed him.

“I’m in love with you.”

Silence. Your face froze. Mug halfway to your mouth. Eyes wide. Alexei’s jaw dropped. Ava audibly choked on air.

And Bucky? Bucky panicked. Turned on his heel. Power-walked up the jet ramp like the thing was on fire. Didn’t look back. Didn’t breathe.

“Bucky?” you called behind him, stunned.

But he was already disappearing inside.

“YOU SAID IT!” Alexei bellowed as he entered the jet, nearly snapping a seatbelt in half in his excitement.

“Shut up,” Bucky muttered, forehead buried in his hand.

“I mean, you ran away immediately, like scared deer, yes - but! You said it! My matchmaking magic worked!”

Ava flopped down in the seat across from him. “So. What now?”

“I die,” Bucky said flatly. “I die slowly, horribly, wondering for two months if I just ruined the best thing in my life.”

A pause.

Alexei: “Excellent.”

Meanwhile, you stood frozen at the bottom of the ramp, still holding the mug he hadn’t touched.

John strolled up beside you, yawning. “Did he finally crack?”

“…Yeah.”

“What’d he say?”

“I think he said he’s in love with me.”

John blinked. “Wow. Okay. That’s-wow. So. What are you gonna do about it?”

You didn’t answer. But a small smile tugged at your lips. And the mug still felt warm in your hands.

Bucky stared at the glow of the tablet screen in the dim tent light, blinking back fatigue. Coordinates. Intel briefs. Tactical layouts. All of it meant to keep him focused on the mission. Instead, all he could think about was you.

The way your hair had fallen across your face during that mission. The stolen polaroid. That half-second before the door blew open. And, most impossibly, that confession - forced out in panic as he boarded the jet.

I’m in love with you.

Why did he say it? Why couldn’t he have waited? Why was he so damn stupid?

Alexei caught his glazed expression from across the table. “Nyet, Bucky. You do not look like man prepared for covert ops. You look like man stuck in love story that is slowly killing him.”

Bucky grunted. “I’m fine.”

Alexei snorted. “You are not. Every time your comm buzzes, you jump like trapped cat.”

Bucky rubbed his temples.

Ava, sitting nearby, raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been checking your phone every five minutes.”

“Not-”

“Yes. You have.”

Bucky gave in. “Look,” he muttered, voice low, “I don’t know if she even wants me to have said it.”

“You said it,” Ava reminded. “That’s something.”

He sighed. “I don’t know if she knows what to do with that.”

Bucky stared out at the fading sunset, heart heavier with every passing day. Two months. Two months of silence, panic, hope, fear. Two months of waiting to see if he’d wrecked everything with five words. He wasn’t sure what scared him more: the confession or the wait.

The jet’s wheels hit the runway, the familiar rumble filling Bucky’s chest like a long-lost heartbeat. Two months away. Two months too long.

Alexei was already bouncing in his seat beside him, grinning like a kid on Christmas. “You survived! You look alive-ish! And maybe- just maybe- you will finally get to tell her again.”

Bucky’s jaw clenched. “Don’t remind me,” he muttered, eyes scanning the hangar.

And then, there you were. Standing just outside the tower doors, arms crossed, looking… tired. And impossibly beautiful. You caught his eye, and for a moment, the entire world shrunk.

As Bucky stepped off the jet, you were already rushing toward him, a tentative smile breaking across your face. “You’re back,” you said simply.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

The rest of the team swarmed immediately - John and Yelena arguing over who’d won the latest arm wrestling match, Bob practically vibrating with excitement, and Alexei already plotting “welcome back” parties in his head.

Bucky felt his heart hammering for reasons beyond the mission.

The team gathered together, laughing, joking. And Bucky was stuck in the middle, watching you.

You were your usual radiant self, teasing John like a sibling, dodging Bob’s near-adorations, and sharing sly smiles with Yelena and Ava.

He wanted to talk to you, to say everything he’d bottled up. But John and Bob seemed to conspire nonstop for your attention, and Bucky’s words caught in his throat.

Later you found Bucky alone on the balcony, staring at the city lights.

“You look like you’ve been through hell,” you said softly.

He finally let himself exhale. “I have. But I’m here now.”

You smiled, a quiet warmth in your eyes. “And I missed you.”

Bucky’s heart skipped.

“Me too.”

Bucky stood by the window in the common room, heart pounding like a war drum. You were nearby, laughing at something John had just teased you about.

Now or never, he told himself. He took a deep breath and moved toward you. “Hey,” he said, voice low but steady.

You turned, eyes bright and warm. “Hey.”

You stood there, words hovering between you, charged and unspoken.

Bucky tried again. “I-”

Suddenly, a booming voice cut through the moment.

“Bucky! Sunshine! You must come with me!” Alexei appeared like a tornado, arms waving wildly, dragging a giant, garish box decorated with hearts and glitter. “It is time! Time for Thunderbolts’ Greatest Romantic Evening!” he declared with grand flair.

You blinked, stepping back, amused.

Bucky groaned inwardly. “Alexei, what are you doing?”

Alexei grinned, unbothered. “Helping you! You want to win her heart, yes? Then we do this!”

He thrust the box at you. Inside, a chaotic jumble of candles, ridiculous love-themed decorations, and an embarrassingly large stuffed bear.

“Alexei, no,” Bucky started, but it was too late.

John chuckled nearby. “This is going to be a disaster.”

Bob hovered, eyes shining with a mix of adoration and confusion.

You laughed, shaking your head. “Well, this will definitely be a night to remember.”

Bucky sighed, realizing Alexei’s brand of matchmaking was impossible to resist, and maybe not all bad.

Alexei declared the common room off-limits to everyone but the “romantic committee.” That committee was basically everyone - who all had varying degrees of enthusiasm and terror about what they were about to unleash.

Bucky watched, utterly mortified, as glitter, rose petals, and fairy lights were strewn across every surface with wild abandon. Alexei was the ringmaster of chaos, barking orders and brandishing a tacky “Love Is In The Air” banner.

“Sunshine will be impressed. No woman can resist such glorious effort!” Alexei beamed.

You walked in, eyebrows raised, trying to hide a smile. “Are we sure this isn’t a prank?”

John nudged you. “Alexei’s idea of ‘romantic’ usually ends with a small explosion or an emotional meltdown.”

Bob was perched nearby, holding a giant heart-shaped balloon and grinning like he’d won a jackpot. Every few seconds he glanced at you, who was trying not to laugh at his puppy-like devotion.

Yelena and Ava exchanged amused looks, clearly enjoying the spectacle.

Bucky stood by the door, cheeks burning.

Alexei clapped his hands. “Now, Bucky! You must say something! Tell her your feelings. Show her you are worthy!”

Bucky swallowed hard. “I’m pretty sure she knows how I feel.”

Alexei narrowed his eyes. “No! She needs drama, my friend! Romance! Passion!”

Before Bucky could protest, Alexei handed him a ridiculously oversized bouquet of flowers - one so big it almost knocked him over.

Bucky smiled awkwardly. “I just wanted to say… I missed you.”

Before he could add more, John tossed a glitter bomb that exploded overhead, showering everyone in sparkles.

“Perfect!” Alexei laughed. “Romance!”

Eventually, the party was finally winding down. The wild glitter bombs had settled into a faint shimmer on every surface, and most of the team had retreated to their rooms or the common areas.

Bucky stood in front of his bedroom mirror, frantically brushing at his clothes and hair, trying to get every last speck of glitter off. The sparkle stuck stubbornly to his sleeve, and his jaw tightened in frustration.

A soft knock interrupted him.

“Bucky?” Your voice was gentle.

He turned to see you leaning in the doorway, eyes curious and warm.

“I thought you might still be awake.”

He gave a small, sheepish smile, wiping a patch of glitter from his cheek. “Yeah… just trying to get this crap off.”

You stepped inside quietly, closing the door, your gaze flickering to the wall across from his bed.

Rows of Polaroids, carefully pinned up. And every single one was you. Or the two of you - laughing, fighting side-by-side, sharing stolen moments, stolen smiles.

Bucky’s breath hitched.

You moved closer, he stood beside you.

“Did you… really take all these?” you asked softly.

He nodded, voice barely above a whisper. “Yeah. I guess I’ve been… collecting moments.”

You reached out, your fingers tracing one photo where you were both grinning after a messy mission.

Bucky’s heart pounded like a war drum in his chest, each beat louder than the last. It wasn't just nerves - it was everything. Weeks of stolen glances. Months of silent aching. Every second spent pretending he didn't want you this badly.

You looked up at him, eyes wide and glimmering, searching his face like you were trying to memorize it. Like maybe you were scared this moment might vanish if you blinked.

He opened his mouth, breath catching on the egde of a word that didn't even exist yet. But he never got the chance to speak.

Because you moved first.

You surged forward, hands fisting the front of his shirt like you were done waiting, like you needed him now or never. Your lips crashed into his, fierce and desperate, sparking a fire that had been smoldering for far too long.

His world narrowed to the press of your mouth against his, the sweet heat of it, the shocking force of want finally unchained.

Bucky groaned against your lips, a sound that rumbled from deep in his chest, primal and raw. His hands gripped your waist, fingers digging in like he needed proof you were real, like he was scared you'd disappear if he didn't hold on tight enough.

The kiss deepened in a rush of breath and movement. Your bodies fit together like you'd been made to meet like this - like your bones had been aching to collide. His lips moved against yours, hungry, reverent, starved. You moaned softly into his mouth, and it lit him up like a spark to dry tinder.

You moved closer, arms snaking around his neck, pulling him flush against you. Your fingers wove through his hair, tugging just enough to make him groan again. Darker this time - needier.

Your teeth caught his lower lip, and he gasped into your mouth, his breath stuttering. You took the opening and licked into him with slow, claiming strokes of your tongue, tasting him, teasing him.

He parted for you without hesitation. Like surrender was inevitable.

And it was.

Every touch, every breath, every shift of your bodies screamed the same truth: this had been building too long to be anything but inevitable.

Bucky tightened his grip, hands sliding up your back and pressing you to him like he needed to feel every inch of you- Like he'd waited lifetimes for this exact moment.

And maybe, in his own way, he had.

But then he pulled back slightly, breath ragged. And he looked at you like you were something holy.

“I can’t,” he said, voice shaking. “If you don’t feel the same…” His eyes darkened, vulnerable. His hand came up to cradle your face, metal fingers surprisingly gentle against your cheek. “It would break me. Completely.” He swallowed hard, a fragile hope blooming.

Then, the sharp buzz of the alarm pierced the air.

Bucky pulled away reluctantly. Looking between your eyes for a moment, then taking a step back.

“Duty calls,” he muttered, fingers fumbling to grab his gear.

The team was already assembled when you and Bucky arrived, adrenaline replacing any lingering quiet.

Val stood at the front, her voice steady but urgent. “We’ve got a hostage situation in a remote facility - high risk, high reward. Extraction and intel recovery are priorities.”

John cracked his knuckles, smirking. “Looks like we’re back in business.”

Bob’s face lit up, eager as ever.

Alexei grinned wider than anyone should be allowed.

Yelena and Ava exchanged quick glances, readying their gear.

Bucky’s eyes locked with yours across the room. No words needed, just a shared determination.

[dammit-tazmuir]

I really don't think ambivalent is the right word. He doesn't watch the nun die and go, welp, that happened. He dissociates. His memories through that section get fuzzy and scattered. He's moving mechanically, numb in the way of someone who doesn't know how to process everything they're experiencing, watching everyone else die with that same blank resignation, silently gathering up their souls alongside hers, hers that he'd been so desperate to hold onto, and marveling at how it feels like no one even notices him here? (Did they really not? Because they very much did still drag him out to shoot him. Were they shooting and missing, or hitting such non-vital areas he healed like Nona, and in his stupor he didn't even notice?)

But either way, Y E A H, there's the rest, too. They moved in with him immediately when everything went down, separately from G— giving the other three space. Ten thousand years later, they're still bickering about who loves him more and which of them he loves more. Every other death made him shut down with numb grief, but watching theirs is The Part Where I Hurt You.

And yeah, honestly. I think you're right. Her words as she kills him didn't have to be that. She could have given Augustine's flat "no, John" in the second she was already sliding her hands in. She could have said nothing. She was already in his arms. And when she takes him apart, there's millions of reasons to be devastated, millions of their people after all, but there could have been even a tinge of bitter satisfaction alongside it, and there's not. Critical Mercymorn who has trouble not wearing her heart on her sleeve shows no anger through this. She did what she had to do, what she didn't want to make Augustine do. The sin needed to be hers.

This is the woman whose immediate next plan was to go drop herself in the nearest sun, and was upset by Augustine telling her that was no longer on the table. She saw death as a release from their suffering, and John is just as miserable as any of them. (See: The time Harrow catches him ruminating on the BoE attack and he gets embarrassed, and "It was always I when God ideated failure, as if the rest of you weren't accountable for anything" / "God is a dream, Harrow" / him spiraling into a mid-life crisis after losing everything at the end of HtN / etc.)

She asked him to look right into her eyes— into Cristabel's eyes in her face— and tell her he loved Cristabel. And I do think it hurt more that he does, and I don't think "forgive him" means letting go of her pain or anger and moving on, but this is the Eighth House Saint. I can absolutely see "I forgive you everything, Lord" to mean that she's trying to put her love above her pain, that she wants him to know in this final moment that in spite of what she's doing I Still Love You, that she's trying to make reparations and absolve him in a way. He can't very well keep carrying his guilt if he's dead.

Because that's the thing with John. The Lyctors still love him. Cyth isn't even first-gen and is offended by the suggestion she hates him; she's loved that man for 10,000 years, they all did. Alecto still loves him. Harrow, in spite of everything, still loves him, and has zero fear of him. Gideon, despite everything he did to Harrow before she ever met him, despite her being the saddest girl in the whole world, wants to love him. Pyrrha's been saving a Herald bullet for him but I'd be willing to be she has at least some mixed feelings too. It's to a point that hearing the name Alecto isn't what takes Nona apart. Kiriona says her name over 500 words before and she doesn't immediately react. What takes her apart is specifically "John loves Alecto." They are one soul and that soul is filled with limitless love.

And what could ever hurt more than being betrayed by someone you still love, who you know still loves you and everyone else he hurt, and knowing that neither your love nor his will ever be enough to make things okay?

no denying how repeatedly linked harrow and mercymorn are (tricky & wretched of john to entrust harrow to the person who also had a nun in their equation, and tag ianthe onto someone connected to franticide) but ortus’s declaration towards the end of the book applies more to mercymorn than to harrow — who do we blame when the one we lost is both the victim and the killer? where does that hate go, can we really stomach it? these words a bullet that grazed but ultimately missed harrow, because she could never allow herself to hate gideon again. so she hates the person hating whom is second nature, self blame as familiar as breathing. but mercymorn had resisted leading that emotion to its source, and she lived beside this grief's river mouth for 10k years, and she held that emotion close, but slightly to the side.

mercymorn, shrill, critical, unlikeable pink haired mercymorn rattles my brain because female rage can sometimes work like a bargain. scraps and empties, bruses and falsehoods, anything to placate, to pacify, to pin that rage in place for a little while longer. was there really no other way? was our mission truly worth it? did you love cristabel?

and there was another way, and the mission was not worth it. and god never liked cristabel. the second time she died, mercymorn was there to pick up the pieces, but the first time god left her body and soul alone, bloody and shattered on the cold floor. did that mercymorn, - not mercymorn the first, but the first mercymorn - find cristabel? did she go into that room where he'd left her because she checked for her everywhere? did she go on to die herself for john with ignorance or radical acceptance?

the unloveable mercymorn dooming all the nine planets because she was an atheist in love with a nun; someone who loved god well enough to die for him twice, and did not love mercymorn well enough to live for her once.

and god did not even like her.

[drhedicalhalpractice]

Okay fuck I've got more to say on the subject of how Wilson thinks House feels about him instead of just tag ranting (though I'll have to repeat some of that tag ranting) because holy shit my dudes.

As a basic premise, from the very start of the show, it is very clear to us the viewer that House has this best friend who is very, very important to him. That's just never a secret – House, who actively pushes everyone away, doesn't want to interact with patients, pretends he doesn't care about people, never tries to hide that he cares about Wilson. This is both towards Wilson himself and to other people – sure, maybe he doesn't come right out and say it, but it's so very clear in so many things he does and says.

Here's some scenes (very much from memory and out of chronological order, please bear with me) that highlight this very clearly:

After Vogler gets Wilson kicked off the board and Wilson accuses House of not thinking that their friendship (or Wilson's job) matters enough to him to give that speech. House started out making light of the situation, kind of twisting it into a joke, refusing to take accountability etc. but the moment Wilson says that, he immediately sobers and just straight up admits that no, actually, they do matter ° I remember being very surprised by this because this is only in S1 and I didn't expect House to be this sincere with Wilson ° Hell, the pilot had someone asking Wilson if House cared about him and Wilson was like "I don't know", so I took that as an indicator that House doesn't show he cares. But as it turns out, this is very much a Wilson problem, not a House problem!

The "You DOSED me!" conversation. 11/10 one of the most hilarious scenes in the show, but also! House is understandably upset that his best friend is depressed and he didn't know about it, but Wilson straight up tells him to stop acting hurt because he doesn't actually care. This is wild to me because everything in the way House talks suggest that he isn't just mad because he missed a puzzle piece, he genuinely wanted Wilson to tell him about this, but Wilson didn't trust him with it

Living together in Amber's apartment post-Mayfield. Wilson thinks he can't talk to House about his grief after Amber's death and prefers to talk to her instead of talking to House. Even when House directly offers/asks him to talk to him instead, Wilson outright rejects him and tells him that talking to him doesn't make him feel better but talking to her does. ° Amber is dead, she will not reply to him, yet Wilson considers this more of a comfort than anything House would offer him. Except, House is carrying so much guilt about Amber's death, I genuinely feel like he would've made an effort to be supportive in this instance ° In fact, at the start of S5 before Wilson leaves, House even says, "I know you're not [okay], but maybe I can help." and Wilson doesn't even acknowledge it (instead just proceeds to tell him that he should have been alone on that bus, good lord)

Two instances I clearly remember where they're arguing about things House genuinely seems insecure about in their friendship: ° When Wilson moves out of Grace's place and back into a hotel because he doesn't think it's a good idea to move back in with House, House asks him if they're okay despite all of it. His expression in that scene actually takes me out because he looks so sincere and the insecurity behind it is very badly hidden ° "Does it bother you that we don't have a social contract?" The fact that House feels the need to ask this and make sure that Wilson is fine with their dynamic speaks volumes imo

Honestly the entirety of the episode Wilson (S6E10). "If you die, I'm alone." All the trying to push Wilson to grow a spine and not let Tucker take advantage of him. Sitting by his bedside both as he wakes up from surgery and then again while he's recovering from the surgery. In fairness though, Wilson doesn't outright deny that House cares about him in this one.

During the roadtrip to House's dad's funeral. "And there's the foundation of our entire friendship. If you hadn't been bored one weekend, it wouldn't even exist." – "Hey, there were 3000 people at that convention. You're the one I thought wasn't boring." imagine being told that out of 3000 people there, the man who notoriously does not care about anything that doesn't intrigue him, picked you specifically to be his friend and has been obsessed with you ever since, and somehow rewriting that into a bad thing??? The way he says the "if you hadn't been bored" part sounds accusatory and kind of bitter, when that's just how friendships get formed sometimes? Wilson, what the hell are you on

The entirety of S8 following Wilson's cancer diagnosis is basically one huge declaration of love from House. But to be fair, I think by this point, even Wilson realizes that (...mostly, even though he still somehow interprets it as a "House needs me so he doesn't want to lose me" kind of thing instead of just fucking accepting that maybe the man just loves* him and that's why he doesn't want to lose him, god) *love being used non-romantically here, even without Hilson goggles on, they just undeniably love each other, however you choose to interpret it

All of this just makes me wonder what the hell Wilson's got wrong with him that leave him so completely and utterly unable to fathom that House could possibly care about him, despite the fact that House very explicitly shows him over and over. Wilson is usually so good at reading House and figuring him out, just not when it comes to himself, apparently. Dude has some serious issues and I am so very intrigued by it <3

[liberalk1tsch]

Both Katniss and Peeta had to deal with their mothers not totally acting like normal mothers would when their children are being reaped. Katniss's mom knows Katniss gave up on her but a normal mother would do something like say I love you or squeeze Katniss's hand before leaving when she thinks her daughter is going to die.

oh absolutely. it’s something they quietly have in common from the jump. both of them walk into one of the worst days of their lives already knowing their mothers won’t show up for them emotionally.

peeta’s mum says outright that district 12 might actually have a winner this time — and she doesn’t mean her own son. like imagine hearing that. there’s no comfort, no affection, just detachment and cruelty dressed up as practicality.

and then you’ve got asterid. she shows up for the goodbye, yeah — but not in the way katniss needs. she holds her daughters but doesn’t offer anything of herself emotionally. no “i love you,” no “i’m proud of you,” not even the kind of physical intimacy that might suggest she’s about to lose her child. katniss ends up managing the conversation entirely — giving prim survival tips, begging her mum not to shut down again, trying to hold them together even as she’s about to be marched off to her own televised death.

what really cuts deep is that katniss does say “i love you” at the end. and only then do they say it back. it’s like she has to take the emotional lead, even now. like she always has.

so yeah, neither of them gets the kind of parent a child should have in that moment. they’re both emotionally orphaned in a way. it’s not just about being reaped. it’s about realising, in that moment, that if this is it, your mother’s last words to you are still going to be something you had to pull out of her.

[beef-brisket]

Lucifer: You haven't told me much about your son.

Adam scoffed: Which one?

Lucifer: Abel. First victim of murder, huh? That's uh- impressive. Well, it's not impressive - just... sad. It's a horrible thing that happened. He didn't deserve it.

Adam: You don't even know him. How could you be sure he didn't?

The king sighed and fiddled with his pancakes: Children are innocent. They don't deserve hardships-.

The first man smiled: Well, you made sure of that, didn't you?

Lucifer: Adam. Please-.

Adam spoke before shoving a bit of pancake in his mouth: I'm just saying! I didn't sound hostile or anything, just... making conversation~.

Lucifer glared: You're being an ass. No matter what happened in the past between us, Abel didn't deserve that. Neither did the rest of your children.

Adam: Yeah. And your kid didn't deserve it either.

Lucifer: ...The fuck are you talking about?

Adam: She doesn't deserve comfort, safety, security- a fucking bed. When you and Lilith fucked everyone over. It was both of your faults and you went on to fucking live it up. You've never faced any hardships. Even though everyone else is a fucking victim of your bullshit... but that's how it goes, victims suffer while the one who deserve to hurt do the opposite.

Lucifer glared: You don't know what your talking about.

Adam: Oh. Don't I? You sure you want to go there, bud? Do you want me to bring up all of those meetings you made fucking Hell? Like seeing you and her wasn't bad enough. You two had to act like assholes. And you both loved how miserable I looked... didn't give a fuck about my kids then, did you? So don't pretend to give a fuck now.

The king jumped up when Adam stood and started collecting his things: So- that's it? You're just going to say that bullshit and then run away?! You dont know anything anout my life in Hell! Or Lilith's life- or Charlie's life! The only vendetta you have against Lilith and I is because we fell in love-!

Adam: I don't give a fuck about that! You fucking left me! Alone! For two fucking years! And you never came to check on me- or see me- or anything! You acted like I didn't fucking matter! Like all that time we spent together meant nothing to you! We'll, news flash cunt face, it meant the fucking world to me! Do you know how quick I would have left Eden if you just- EXPLAINED shit to me?! Gave me an hour of your fucking time?! What hurt, Lucifer, was the fact that you didn't come back for me, but you came back for her! A bitch you didn't even know! You didn't come when my rib was being torn out! Or when I cried for you! Or when I stopped eating! You didn't come when the angels forced foor down my fucking mouth...! No, you came back for her. Not me. And just when I was starting to trust her, to open up... you two come and ruin that to.

The king stood there, his eyes wide, his heart racing. He's had plenty of arguments with Adam... but this one felt different. Different to the point where Lucifer didn't know how to respond.

Lucifer: I- how many times- can I apologise-?

Adam: Thousands! Millions! Too bad your apology isn't worth shit! Do you really think you can throw an "I'm sorry," whenever the fuck you want and expect me to get on my knees and fucking blow you?! Thank you?! Praise you?! Maybe in Eden I worshipped the ground you walked on... but not now.

Lucifer: I-... I don't...

Adam: You said Abel didn't deserve to die... does that cross over to me?

Lucifer: W-What-?

Adam: Abel wasn't the first victim of murder. And my other son wasn't the first murderer. Eve gutted me fifteen years after we were banished... I preyed to you. Which almost made me fall to Hell. And look. You didn't even care. I'm going to work, y'know, for angels that don't know my name, better than sitting her with an ex angel who didn't care enough about me to go out of his way to check on me in two years. Later, shorty. Don't wait up.

The king watched Adam walk out the door.

Hell's Missing the Devil

@beef-brisket

Lucifer wasn't sure if he had heard Sera correctly but the serious tone and look on her face told him that yes she was in fact serious.

Lucifer: I'm sorry.... What?

Sera sighed, she sounded annoyed: We will put an end to the Exterminations and in exchange you will be up in Heaven as a prisoner.

That..... Didn't sound ideal.

But neither were the Exterminations.

He didn't understand, wasn't the whole point of him falling so that he would never see Heaven again? Didn't that defeat the purpose?

Unless...... There was more to it.

Sera: Think about it. Come back here tomorrow when you've made your choice. Make the right choice for once.

He scowled when she left. What a bitch.

Lucifer did think about it and that's when it dawned on him.

With Lilith gone and now Lucifer, Charlie would have to step up and rule Hell. Which meant that she wouldn't have time to run her hotel.

It was underhanded and sneaky..... It was so Heaven.

But by doing this....... He would be saving his daughter too. He didn't trust them not to go after her one day.

Charlie: Dad you can't.

Lucifer: Sweetie, I..... I know this isn't ideal but it's for a greater good.

Charlie teared up: What am I supposed to do without you!?

It was different when he was just holed up in the manor, at least she knew he was safe at home.

But in Heaven? Lucifer was considered a traitor. Who knows what they would do to him.

Lucifer hugged his baby girl tight: Y-you'll be okay...... I love you.

Charlie: ...... I love you too.

She didn't want to let him go. There had to be a way to bring him home.

The next day, Lucifer went to the embassy where Sera was waiting.

Sera: So?

Lucifer sighed, this felt like a mistake but he didn't know what else to do to keep Charlie and their people safe.

Lucifer: Alright.......

Sera: Good.

She snapped her fingers and a pair of silver bracelets appeared on his wrists and Lucifer suddenly felt very drained. They must be blocking his powers.

With another snap, handcuffs with a chain appeared as well, Lucifer walked with his head down through the portal with Sera.

He would have laughed when he heard Peter freaking out. But any amusement left him when Sera said who he would be staying with.

Sera: You'll be under Adam's watch.

It felt ironic in a way.

Lucifer felt like he had been handed a death sentence as Sera handed his chain over to the first man.

[dichromaticdyke]

only a god can kill a god: a toki wartooth case study

i started thinking about these lines:

because…yes, i know that, logically, the word “rebirth” was probably chosen because it rhymes with the previous line, “men and women of the earth.” but the line was still put in the text. and death of the author means i don’t have to care about the irl reasons an author put any particular words in the text, it means i just need to care about the text, so what the fuck does nathan mean, rebirth?

let’s look at DSR, shall we? toki is absolutely tortured for weeks, if not months, on end. abigail is there too (*gripping your shoulders* do not fucking forget about abigail right now or ever when it comes to DSR), but it is always clear the main target of the pain and misery is on him. he is the one who looked the most sickly and weak the entire time. he almost seems to submit to this misery.

now let’s remember toki’s childhood. he was relentlessly abused by his parents, and one of his main forms of punishment was isolation and neglect—the punishment hole. hell, we’re not even told how long they’d keep him down there, it could have been days. anything up to whatever the maximum amount of time a child could go without food and water was possible. he was also punished with whippings and being fucking chained up. but toki surviving this regular form of abuse before escaping and eventually entering into a life of unfettered hedonism made it difficult for him to isolate between the two extremes. toki has only really known two things: poverty and destitution and suffering, vs. wealth and excess and joy. so of course this led to him being the obnoxious, selfish little shit we know today.

how does this connect to DSR and what i’m getting at? what i’m laying the groundwork for here is that toki can survive absolutely horrific shit. the trade-off to that, though, is that he also will bring death to those he touches with his love. the exception is dethklok, but their own god powers mitigate that.

so, wait, he’s loved other people, hasn’t he? what about charles, rockzo, or abigail? why haven’t they been killed by toki’s love?

charles: he does die. he dies at the end of season 2 and is brought back. don’t forget this either okay, charles is brought back.

rockzo: well, lots of things could have killed that clown. we know that, but more importantly, toki’s love for him seems pretty damn conditional. yes, he does often gravitate towards him against his own better judgment, and yes he is happy to see him in AOTD. however, i would first argue that his happiness in AOTD does come with the caveat that he had been regressed at the time—he might not have necessarily been seeing rockzo as himself, but more the platonic ideal of the clown protector/friend he’d always had. second, the last moment toki had with rockzo prior to getting kidnapped, rockzo is trying to warn toki about magnus. toki doesn’t take kindly to this warning, which makes sense given that toki had also had to deal with dethklok trying to keep him away from rockzo. toki has a history of the people who care about him trying to keep him away from bad influences, but toki interprets this more as jealousy or pettiness instead of genuine love and concern. so toki’s rocky relationship with rockzo seems to come less from love and more from enjoying his presence until he pisses him off. so i don’t know if toki has ever truly loved him.

abigail: she is the only one showing toki any care or concern during his entrapment. he of course grew to love her throughout this. but she doesn’t die, she isn’t even nearly as close to death as toki is. and this is the main crux of what i’m going to put forth.

my theory is that toki dies during DSR.

he is the closest to death, and as the angel of death, he is taking on more and more of abigail’s suffering as well as the primary torture as magnus’s target. abigail is still being tortured too, of course, but toki is subconsciously protecting her and keeping her alive. then we come to the reverse crucifixion of them. just like how MMA murders ishnifus, they’re strung up upside down on a cross. in many christian beliefs, st. peter was crucified upside down both because it was more painful and because he requested as such to show that the people crucifying him were behaving antithetically to what they should have been, according to their and his values. so, okay, we can see how ishnifus would have that parallel too. but why toki and abigail?

well, to make them suffer, for one. MMA and magnus are also working counter to the church’s beliefs, so again there’s that religious parallel. if you want to take into account the imagery that is similar to tarot, The Hanged Man represents self-sacrifice. ishnifus sacrifices himself intentionally. but toki and abigail don’t.

unless toki does.

what is it that is chanted throughout so much of the soundtrack? “one of us must die.” the black klok sings it, charles sings it, nathan alludes to the possibility of it. and i used to think it kind of a cop-out that it is just ishnifus who dies. even though it fit in with the prophetic angle of a religious figure needing to die, his self-sacrifice isn’t that impactful since he isn’t much of a character in the show except for, basically, the episode right before DSR. so what if toki dies?

i’m looking at The Doomstar Libretto, because it seems to be the pure plan for DSR and includes some details that couldn’t make it into the final cut; for example, the Libretto actually makes sure to include abigail being present during the climax and includes a shot of nathan carrying her out, whereas in the final project she somehow completely vanishes from the room once MMA arrives. so the Libretto is much more aware of abigail’s presence in DSR. knowing that, i wanna look at this passage:

toki is nearly dead. abigail, not so much. this is absolutely the definitive proof that he is much worse for wear than she is, even while being crucified. so what i want to posit is that, sometime after the band releases them, toki does die. he dies after succumbing to his torture, after taking on much of abigail’s pain, and, perhaps, he dies as a way to prevent his band and abigail from dying due to his own curse. they are able to hold him up, but he dies without anyone realizing. and then...

emphasizing that toki too is affected by the dethlights is strange to me. it doesn’t seem to need to be something to emphasize, right? you could just as easily say, “all five members of dethklok,” or something similar. why are they specifying toki too?

the dethlights brought toki back to life; he is reborn through them.

i know this all sounds so insane, we’re really given no reason to actually think that this is the chain of events that happens. but toki is taking on an immense amount of suffering, he manages to not kill his only other friend in captivity despite his angel of death abilities, there is a constant threat that one of dethklok would die during this, and toki experiences a grand rebirth, according to nathan.

you’re still not buying it. fine. we’ll consider toki in AOTD, then. we’ll consider how he is obviously very traumatized by his experience in the first couple scenes, but otherwise we don’t see much from him. on the most, he’s much more reserved than he usually is in the show. he’s usually much more dynamic, happy, excitable; possibly angry and cruel, but he’s usually doing much more than he is in AOTD. for the most part in AOTD, he’s still recognizable as toki, but something still feels off. and yeah, that could very easily be the trauma.

but remember how he also age regresses in AOTD? i’ll definitely agree that there’s evidence that he regresses during the original series. traumatic events in the original series (watching juliette die, almost being murdered by MMA, watching his father die) all almost immediately leads to noticeable shifts in toki’s character: from palling around with rockzo, to being less sarcastic and hateful, to nearly killing a guy at a concert, respectively. so he’s had trauma responses before, and he’s definitely always had interest in more childish things, but the regression in AOTD feels quite different.

if he is reborn, maybe he is mentally, too. i’m not denying that he could age regress as a natural trauma response, i’m instead positing that his brain is literally reborn after the dethlights resuscitates him, and during AOTD we watch his brain try to age back to the age it was before he dies. note also how pickles says that, “we think he’s regressing.” so that’s just a guess on the band’s part, it wasn’t something toki said, it wasn’t something a professional said. it’s a guess. it’s strange. and the regression happens at the funeral, but never anywhere else in any other stressful scenarios during the movie. no, instead we still just see this toki who’s himself but just different. because maybe he hasn’t fully caught up to the age he was prior to his death. maybe because he’s not quite the same person he was before his death. by the end of the movie he might be what he was before, or at least close, hard to say.

but you know what i really think helps me prove this? when else do we see the band using the dethlights? at the end of AOTD. after nathan, who had been unconscious for quite a long time after falling into the reactor, wakes up. he wakes up immediately with the power of the dethlights. unless he isn’t unconscious. unless he is dead, unless the dethlights brought him back to life, too. this has happened twice now! however, he isn’t reborn the way toki is; we can see that with the fact that nathan doesn’t regress. how do i account for that? well, same reason nathan doesn’t forget what happens in DSR the way the rest of his band does. as band lyricist, as the voice of the prophecy, he’s allowed much more mental strength regarding the band’s mystic and divine abilities. the rest of the band needs to undergo amnesia or other incredible mental strain to deal with it, but nathan doesn’t need to. toki, however, very much does.

tl;dr: toki dies in DSR after receiving the most abuse and after taking on abigail’s abuse as well to help keep her alive, possibly even turning his own angel of death curse in on himself to protect his loved ones. the dethlights bring him back to life in a reborn state, but, in doing so, he is reborn mentally, his mind reverting to a much younger age but rapidly ageing back up during AOTD until he reaches his true age and (most of) his true self again.

[nanamineedstherapy]

Idk why I did this but... enjoy & bonus - I teach you how to do a basic analysis/decode meanings faster by my thought process.

🎤 CAST COMMENTARY - "Colors" by Halsey

(ft. Satoru Gojo, Toji Fushiguro, Ryomen Sukuna. Mentioned Megumi Fushiguro)

filed under: you shouldn’t let men have opinions, but here we are.

GOJO (too loud in the group chat):

ok first of all i just wanna say i’d kill to be described as a lilac sky like that is peak gender

second of all. this song? this song is what it feels like when ur the manic pixie dream boy and the girl wakes up one morning realizing she’s cold and alone and all u ever gave her was serotonin-colored smoke and withdrawal.

the boy in this song? he’s ME. but also I would never treat her like that. but also if i did. she’d still love me. bc charisma.

TOJI:

nah this is about a broke addict who thinks feeling sorry for himself makes him mysterious.

girl thought she could paint over rot.

ended up stained.

GOJO:

wait wait WAIT no bc toji you ARE him. “you’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece”? that’s literally what ur fangirls say when u kill people with a smile.

and let’s not ignore the 28 years old thing bc you didn’t even make it there and that’s foreshadowing

TOJI:

i wasn’t addicted to pills i was addicted to violence that’s different

also 28 is a fake number. real men die at 27 or disappear into domestic irrelevance.

SUKUNA (voice like wine and ash):

This composition is not a love song. It is an elegy.

The boy is already a corpse, embalmed in melancholy. She touches him and becomes a pallbearer of his suffering—

and calls it god.

You were red and you liked me ‘cause I was blue…

Such mortal poetry. She did not desire him.

She desired to be desired by him.

To be transformed into something more beautiful than herself.

But purple, alas, was not to his taste.

A union too honest.

Too alive.

He preferred decay.

GOJO:

sukuna what the HELL that was so unnecessarily deep who taught u Tumblr syntax??

also real talk this is literally megumi’s worst fear LMAO. emotional intimacy?? colors??? nah bro’s gonna “everything is grey” himself into an early grave

SUKUNA:

The brat lives in grayscale because it requires no courage. Color demands vulnerability.

TOJI:

he gets it from me.

i just don’t monologue about it.

GOJO:

ANYWAY the part that KILLED me was “i know i’ve only felt religion when i’ve lied with you.” like. that’s such a me line. spiritual awakening but make it horny and sad?

SUKUNA:

She does not know god. She only knows grief. She has confused the two.

TOJI:

she’s not confused

she’s codependent

GOJO:

guys be honest do u think she ever gets over him??

like do u think she dates again or does she just trauma spiral for five years and make niche embroidery accounts where she cross-stitches his initials in different shades of blue

TOJI:

she dates again but only emotionally unavailable men

so yeah basically she never gets over him

SUKUNA:

She dreams of resurrection.

But builds her altar in the ruins.

GOJO:

ur literally a war crime in human form and still said that prettier than a YA novelist on a deadline

TOJI:

don’t feed his ego

he already thinks metaphors count as moral superiority

GOJO:

ok but last point. this whole song is a warning.

you think you’re the main character but turns out you’re the background shade that ruins the painting

and the person who loved you?

they tried to turn trauma into art.

but it bled through the canvas.

SUKUNA:

All mortals bleed eventually.

But some—

do so beautifully.

Now the real analysis I did before that scene -

I know nothing about Halsey nor is this my favorite song or anything, this is just an objective from my perspective, so don't see this as a hate post 📯

Colors is a track soaked in psychological nuance, poetic fragmentation, and a painfully intimate portrait of loving someone who’s drowning—and pulling you under with them. It's not just about heartbreak. It's about the subtle erosion of self when you love someone who's deeply, fundamentally unwell.

Core Themes:

Depression & addiction (coded in “blue”)

Romantic idealization & disillusionment

The slow bleed of codependent identity loss

Unreciprocated emotional labor

Love as transformation—and rejection

Key Lines & Their Psychological Weight:

“Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so / You said your mother only smiled on her TV show”

You're introduced to a man emotionally neglected, disconnected from his family, and probably emotionally unavailable because of it.

The “mother” smiling only on TV implies a performative affection in the household—suggesting deep emotional repression. A man raised without warmth, who doesn’t know how to give it, only mimic it.

“You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope / I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old”

This is addiction. The speaker is observing the self-medication, the chaos, the looming sense of early death.

“28” is specific—past the infamous 27 Club. There’s an unspoken grief that’s pre-grieving, the helplessness of watching someone spiral and being too in love to walk away.

“You’re ripped at every edge but you’re a masterpiece”

Classic trauma bonding. Loving the broken parts. Romanticizing them.

This is textbook for those with anxious-preoccupied attachment—thinking your love will “save” them, because you see the art in their damage. Even if they never see it themselves.

“Everything is blue / His pills, his hands, his jeans”

Color psychology:

Blue = sadness, numbness, overdose, death. But also: longing.

His entire existence is tinted with this depressive fog. Even things he touches or wears are soaked in it. It’s not just his mood—it’s his aura.

“I’m covered in the colors, pulled apart at the seams” = the speaker is absorbing his pain. She’s becoming blue by osmosis. A bleed-through of trauma.

“Everything is grey / His hair, his smoke, his dreams”

Blue was his body. Grey is his spirit.

He’s not just sad now—he’s empty. He doesn’t dream. He doesn’t feel. He’s devoid of color. Depression has moved from emotional to existential.

“I know I’ve only felt religion when I’ve lied with you”

This is where the speaker reveals her wound: he was her transcendence.

Not God. Him.

Love isn’t holy here—it’s carnal, dishonest, and desperately needed. It’s not salvation. It’s a substitute for it. A cult of him.

“You said you’ll never be forgiven 'til your boys are too”

His sense of worth is tied to collective guilt—maybe for something they’ve done, maybe just for surviving.

Survivor’s guilt? Addiction group? Brotherhood and trauma?

Either way: he refuses healing unless the whole damn house gets to rise. And he never believes that’s possible.

“You were red and you liked me ‘cause I was blue / But you touched me and suddenly I was a lilac sky / And you decided purple just wasn’t for you”

This is the kill shot.

She changed herself to merge with him.

Red (him) + Blue (her) = Purple (the compromise, the union). (bro this is a coincidence but please hallucinate that Gojo made me do it lmaoo)

But then he rejects it. Not because it’s bad—but because it’s not what he thought he wanted.

This is the fate of so many empathic people who try to heal others—they shift, mold, blend… only to be discarded the moment they stop being a fantasy.

Psychological Readout:

The male subject is emotionally unavailable, likely depressed, possibly an addict, and emotionally stuck in childhood wounds. He can’t commit, can’t feel, and doesn’t know how to receive love.

The narrator is an emotional caretaker—a textbook codependent with a savior complex, deeply sensitive, probably with a history of neglect herself. She sees beauty in broken people and thinks it’s her role to mend them by becoming what they need.

Their dynamic is toxic, but tragically familiar. The more he disappears into his fog, the more she paints herself in his colors—until she disappears too.

Conclusion:

"Colors" is not a breakup song. It’s a funeral for identity, a memorial to martyrdom in the name of love.

It’s what happens when you fall in love with a ghost, try to hold it—and vanish alongside it.

The song is a psychological portrait of codependent erosion: the high of being “needed,” the slow horror of losing yourself, and the final abandonment once you’re no longer palatable.

She loved him in full-spectrum.

He only ever saw blue.

Now what do you think? 😏

[a-cipher]

a man stands at the literal door of death and says "I want to live" and he's hated for it.

[brionysea]

if stranger things 5 comes out and they're like 'omg! the upside down has been a product of someone's dark and twisted mind this whole time! it's... WILL!' I'll immediately lose interest

[arolesbianism]

Time for more eternal gales isat au, this time featuring Sier as Isabeau, creating a sprite I can never use next to Aris’ because despite my best efforts it would make them look tall

[taserbats]

she is a POET she is a DYKE she is HILARIOUS but most importantly she is a HATER. i need her biblically.

[hauntingblue]

Jaya time

I love these moments of nearly cosmic horror when they encounter inexplicable things (at first) they are so intriguing

Is strawhat here?! *Megan thee stallion saying AAH 😜*

This cover just goes hard... Get it chopper