#and then came back with pretty bad art block which i still have

[kapalattee]

doodles from the past week or so yay

new ocs who's this??? mwehehehehe......ok i figured i should start explaining my aus and tagging them so everyone has some kind of context lol

techno!au (every pic except the last)

a sci-fi ish world where teenagers get recruited as "champions" to battle each other to the death and act as underground superheroes. sprinkle in some corruption exploitation idol politics under the surface but currently i'm really just drawing the kids having fun yay

meet june (pic 1 top right, pic 2 left), avery (pic 1/3 top left and bottom right), dahlia (pic 1 top middle, pic 3 bottom right), milan (pic 1 middle, pic 3 top right), and reynold (pic 2 right)! i'll probably have a more detailed doc with their personalities sometime.....hahaha........

under the magnolia tree (utmt) au (last pic)

this is mainly a spinoff of two aus i created last year \o/ it follows the story of a young princess who retreats to the magnolia tree in the castle gardens every night and decides one starry night to make a wish. a boy, seemingly made of stardust (a moon prince O.O) answers her sad cries and decides to befriend her.....and maybe it turns into more?? who knows??? oOoOoO

meet lilian and felix <3 the two sillies i love them so much cries

feel free to ask any questions about them yay

[factual-fantasy]

26 asks! Thank you! :}}} 🪲

Oh absolutely I do. That's why I always ask before drawing anyone's OCs, or using/modifying their original meme templates, or anything of the sort. Friends and strangers alike.

And same goes for AU ideas. In the past I've seen a really cool idea for an AU and tracked down the OP and asked if I could incorporate their idea into my AU as well. I do my very best to do this for other artists because its what I wish people would do for me.👍👍

I have a master post for all my Octonauts artwork here. 👍

@ripchaos69

I'm really proud of/pleased with how this fairy piece came out! :DD

I also really like how this pixelated cat came out! :)

I was very pleased with how WALL-E cam out in this piece!

I also think this is one of the best drawings of Optimus I've ever done! :))

Even if I knew the answer, that's probably not something I should share online anyways is it?

@mothpendragon

I remember not liking him at all the first time I watched the show. But now watching it a second time years later, I think he's really not that bad. :0 In fact I don't know why I disliked him so much back then.

There are some parts about his character that annoy me. But most of that either is good character writing or isn't his fault. I don't like how immature he tends to be, but of course he's immature. He's still basically just a kid who hasn't experienced much of this war.

And when things get rough, he really straightens out and tries his best to be serious and obedient. Which is very nice to see.

Another thing that I don't like is how the phase shifter was kind'a overused. It became his signature weapon that he used to bail him out of everything. Smokescreen has demonstrated that he's actually pretty clever and slick, it would have been fun to see him trick or outsmart the cons more often instead of just using the phase shifter to save his aft every time. But again, this is not Smokescreens fault at all. Its the writers fault for making his use it so much.

And lastly, something that really made me like Smokescreen was the whole thing that happened with Optimus nearly dying. Smokescreen freaking out at the prospect of becoming a Prime felt really real. Instead of being honored and having and having an inflated ego like I thought he might for some reason- he was terrified.

And him panicking and using the forge to repair Optimus last second felt very real. I could really understand how Smokescreen must have felt, wanting to follow Optimus's orders and restore their home, but also being unable to bare the responsibility of being a Prime. Eventually dragging Optimus back to the land of the living and throwing away any hope of restoring the Omega lock.

If I was better at analyzing characters, I would have loved to draw a comic about what happens right after Optimus was repaired.

My first thought is Smokescreen feeling guilty and ashamed of having used the forge against Optimus's wishes. Would Smokescreen crumble? Fall to his knees, crying and apologizing? "I'm so sorry Optimus- I just couldn't do it-- I couldn't do it, I cant be a Prime- I couldn't-- w-we couldn't lose you.." Is that in character? Honestly I have no idea. 😔

I've thought about doing that for my lineless style, but I haven't gotten around to it.. 😓

If someone goes out of their way to comment on your post/in your ask box saying you're cringe for liking transformers, block the all the way to the sun and back.

What a jerk. I wouldn't be friends with anyone who goes around insulting/trying to upset people for no reason like that. Block them and don't accept/respond any phony apology they might throw your way. They knew they were being rude when they sent that message and deserve to be blocked.

Dude I would take that so fast. No one in my family would ever have to work or have debt ever again 😭

I figure if I ever feel like drawing/posting Octonauts art again, I would just put it behind a paywall on my Ko-fi. Which ngl I've thought about doing a lot recently with the new movie that came out.

But also- I would have no way of filtering out people for that private blog because how am I supposed to know who will and wont steal my artwork just by looking at their account? And when it did get stolen, I would have no way of knowing which follower did it-

I believe I've mentioned it before, but I didn't want to watch Rescue bots because its attached to Transformers: Prime <:/

Its supposed to be connected to Prime, but its rather baby-ified. The tone is much more light hearted, the plot of Rescue bots completely rewrites/contradicts the plot of Prime, Optimus comes back to life for no reason. Stuff like that.

Atm I'm only interested in Prime 😔

@kitkat1003

OUGUHHH SO REALLLLL 😭😭😭😭

REALLL I've only ever found ship fics😔😔😔 I'd love to see an aftermath fic with no romance involved.

@virtualworldfp5

That's a really cool idea! :D Great artwork too! :))

@badlyblurry

Man, if I had a nickel for every time Jeffery Combs played a character with some sort of scientist background and that had some form of contact with a green chemical compound that holds harmful properties to one body in a way, I'd have 3 nickels. Which isn't a lot but its weird that it happened 3 times. XD

@anonymous-red-shades

I'd definitely want to be something that can fly :00 But I don't think I'd wanna fly super fast because i wanna enjoy the scenery.. hmmm.. maybe a helicopter or a classic pontoon plane? :000

As for abilities... uhhhhhhh the only special abilities I know that transformers can have is the warping thing that Skywarp does. I don't know of any other powers <:0 Maybe an ability to change into more than one alt mode..? So I could be a submarine and go underwater? Or maybe the ability to breathe underwater or something? :00

(Referencing this post)

They're so unhinged I swear 😔

@chickenmilk120 (Referencing this post)

NOT YOU TOO-

@cherrycreamfairy

I couldn't find any websites that didn't make my anti virus tweak out <XD So the only villain I like from memory is Captain Gantu from Lilo and Stitch.

I still like it yeah :0 but I'm not really engaging in any Mandalorian media atm-

@minnesotamedic186

Okay the killing part aside a Plymouth Fury is an excellent choice of car ngl. Especially a fiery red 💅💅💅

@axolotlcookie0

The fact that it looks like Thomas's face has been bagged makes it even funnier XDDD

@wolfie-777

XD I actually think of that a lot yeah. I always tell myself "oooo I should draw that later" but I never do XD💀

@beryl-shade

Bibi would probably use it as intended. Sharpening and cleaning his claws💅💅

Meanwhile Cici would use it as a weapon to beat up Jangles and Gerald with XDD

What was his real name supposed to be in that continuity then? XD

@milk-powrit

References. Looooots and looooot of references.

Typically I use references of realistic skeletons. But if there's a part of the body that I just cant seem to draw right, then I look up drawings of skeletons to see how other artists drew that part. 👍

@beryl-shade

Oh no doubt they'll have an episode that takes place around the lake and the fair grounds(?) The theme park next to the main tent-

The fact that Caine mentioned their existence at all implies that an episode is going to take place there. At least for me-

[u-friend-or-ufo]

My Story

Disclaimer

I do not want any witch hunt or harassment towards his family and friends when/if I reveal their username or their real name. I haven’t got a lot of screenshots of our messages. I do have some during the end of me talking to him and others. I may also delete the post to work on it more, with more screenshots if I can find them. Or, if I find this too overwhelming for me.

Also, if you have any suspicions on who this person is. Please don’t reblog this post with their username and/or their real name as I’m not ready to reveal it.

Throughout my teenage years to an young adult (14/15-19/20) I was in contact with someone who was in their 60s on Deviantart. As of yet, I’m not ready to reveal their username or their real name.

I started my own Deviantart account when I was 12/13, which is now deleted. For the first year I posted my cringe drawings and photos. During when I was 14/15, I started to Like The Beatles and the cartoon that they had back in the 60s and would favourite art and fanfictions of the band. That’s when I came across one of their drawings and posted a comment on it. I can’t remember who sent a note first. If you are not familiar with Deviantart, notes are like privet messages before the Chat function that Deviantart has now.       

At first it was fine, talking about The Beatles and different bands. Normal stuff for around a year like hello and how was your day.

During 2015 when I was 15/16, we got into an argument that got pretty bad. He asked me what year at school I was in and I said I was in year 11. He then replied with “Does that mean your 18?” I replied with No, I’m 16.”

He replied later with something along the line “We can’t talk anymore. Goodbye.” Again I don’t have any screenshots of our earlier notes. I was confused, why couldn’t we talk. Nothing was going in in a bad way. We argue about it. He blocked me, I blocked him. After a while we unblocked each other, apologized and continued on talking. This would happen a lot. We argue about something, he will bock me, sometimes deactivated his account only to reactivated, unblocked me and then apologise to me.

One time they told me that they had a dream about my trying on cute short dresses. I should have cut contact after he told me that. But I was an idiot and still talked to him.           

We talked on Messenger as well. He asked for pitchers of me. Not in the nude, nothing like that, just of my face. He said one time that he would get a tattoo of my face because I was so beautiful One time he asked for a picture of me and for a joke, I took and sent him a picture of one of my stuffed toys. He got mad at me for doing it and I apologies for the joke. I don’t have any screenshots of these messages, I’ve looked for them but can’t due to them deleting their Facebook.

We also did roplays together. Just silly Beatles roplays that involves some ocs of mine. However, some of the rolpays did involve some fetishes and kinks that I didn’t find sexual. So did some of the art work that they draw for me. Now, I don’t kink shame. If you got a kink or a fetish, then that’s fine. As long as you don’t push it on to other people who find it uncomfortable. Especially onto minors, even if they do have it.

Just after my 17 birthday, somehow one of the staff at the collage that I was attending at the time found out that I was talking to him. I do believe that one or two of my collage friends told them about us. I do remember one of them looking at my computer screen time.  They brought me into a room and asked me some questions. “When did you first start talking?” “Has he ever asked for sexual images of you?” One thing that they said did baffle me a bit. “Well, you are over the age of 13. This person isn’t a paedophile. Do you know what grooming is?”

They phoned my parents and I was allowed to leave early. My parents told me not to talk to them privately but I still can post comments on their art work. But I went behind their backs and still talked to them privately on Deviantart and Messenger.

I was pissed at them for telling the collage staff. I didn’t know who actually told them but I had my suppositions. One of these friends was 24 at the time, we meet in collage when I was 16. The friend group that they were in took me under their wing and we became friends. However, as time went by they wanted to be in a relationship with me. But that story is for another time when I’m ready to talk about it.          

When my parents found out that I was still talking to him after some months passed, they were so mad at me. Screaming at me, reducing me to tears. But after all of that, I still continued to talk with him behind my parents back. Being more secret about it and deleting our privet notes together. And, using other platforms like Tumblr and Twitter. That’s one thing I deeply regret, deleting all of our notes beside some last ones that they sent me before I cut him off.

One of his conversations with me was how I saved him from suicide by being there for him, talking to him. I was there for him when we would rant about politics and other Deviantart users. The fact that we lived in different countries, me living in the UK and him living in America. I would have late nights talking to him and roplaying as well. I would end the night by saying.” I’m going to sleep now, talk to you tomorrow.” And if I didn’t say goodnight to him, he would get mad. 

Another time he asked me to marry him, I was 17 at that time… Again, I wish I kept the notes…I was an absolute idiot for deleting them. When he asked me, I was out with my family and the phone I was using had terrible internet connection with the place that I was in. I didn’t reply straight away, I was shocked… I didn’t know what to say. I moved somewhere else away from my parents when he massage again. I do slightly remember what the message said.

“I’m waiting for the answerJ”

And like the fool I was… I said yes…That I will marry him… I didn’t want another augment to happen or them hurting/committing suicide . He was so happy… This was a man in his 60s, he was married, had children and even had grandchildren… 

In 2019 when I was 19/20, we had one last argument then I block him permanently after that because I have had enough of his threats and the way he was treating me. I then deleted my main account later on. I can’t remember if I deleted it in 2019 or 2020.

The argument was about me having an interest into Wicca and them finding out that I was in a relationship with my third ex-boyfriend.

Below are some screen shots of the notes that I kept from 2019. His username and mine are blocked out, as well as other personal information.

After some time he also deleted his main account but then crated a new one, uploading some if his old drawings.

Other screenshots

This one is from an email that they sent me during 2017. They had some suspicions that I was in a relationship and we had another augment about it. I lied to him and said that I wasn’t in one so that the argument wouldn’t continue.

These messengers are from Tumblr. I must have forgotten to block him on their. I sent him this message to him to him in 2020. I don't have a screenshot of the messages but here is it typed out.

What you have done could be consider as grooming. However, I do not think that was your intention or that you are a podophile. I believe that I appeared in your life when you was in a bad mind state and somehow have helped you. You did tell me that I saved you from suicide once. The reason why I left was the way you was talking and behaving towards me. You did not like the fact that I had a boyfriend at the time who you called a "fag" You didn't like me not talking to you for a day.

I don't know if your lgbtq+ views have change or not. I am Asexual, witch I have told you before. I am also questioning Bi-curious. You have your own opinions witch is fine but they have hurt me.

You called me a devil worshiper for having an interested in Wicca. For some clarification, Wicca is an Religion witch has nothing to do with the Christian devil. I did explain that to you but you didn't listen.

You threatened to hurt yourself and kill yourself if I left or didn't agree with you. How did you think I felt when you said theses things to me? What was your intentions?

I am sorry that you suffered from a stroke and I wish that you will have a full recovery. I don't know if you will see this message as well if you will reply to it. All I want is us the move on.

In 2022 he replied to the message.

Last year in 2023 I found out that this person passed away. I don't think I will ever forget his name so out of curiosity, I Googled his real name and found his Obituary. I couldn't believe it at first. I just stared blankly at the computer screen, my mind racing with thoughts. I couldn’t believe it at first that he was gone.

And that’s my history with this person. Again, I’m not ready to reveal their username or their real name. Not even my parents, my ex-boyfriend at the time when we was together fully knows what happened. Only my closest friends know and I’m so thankful for them taking the time for listening to me.

What I’m still conflicted on is dose this count as grooming? I do believe that used me as their own personal therapist but there is non-sexual grooming. I feel like an idiot for not cutting contact when red flags started showing up. That I blamed myself for getting in this situation. But another part of me says that this isn’t grooming. Other people have had it way much worse than you. You’re blowing this way out proportion.

I’m also worried about the outcome of telling my story. That people will say “Why didn’t you listen to your parents?” “Why didn’t you get the police involved?” “Why tell your story now?” Those are all valid criticisms. I just wanted to get this out of my chest. Again, I may also delete the post to work on it more, with more screenshots if I can find them. Or, if I find this too overwhelming for me.    

[chil-aglia]

𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 |ROTTMNT| (Male OC)

Paranoia

Be sure to read the tags on my Ao3 so you guys know what you’re getting yourselves into.

Art is done by me, but PLEASE feel free to make your own art and idk tag me in it or something—

HEYYYY I’m back. Holiday was fun, but now…back to work *cracks knuckles* hope y’all enjoy this!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days after Giovanni’s first topside experience went by, and each day when the boys went out on patrol, Giovanni came along. They figured it was safe enough to let Giovanni see more of New York, the poor guy had barely seen the outside world, so they wanted him to see everything they could provide.

Giovanni was grateful for his family for bringing him out. He was anxious a few times, thinking he was being a burden, a nuisance to their work, but they kept assuring him that wasn’t the case. Giovanni had also made sure to ask about this Big Mama that they briefly spoke about a few nights ago when they stopped the henchmen from the robbery.

It was an awkward conversation, but they explained who she was. How she kidnapped their father and forced him to battle in a gladiator ring known as the Battle Nexus. She was a spider (quite literally) and was manipulative.

Not only that, but she also owns a hotel for yokai kind, calling it the Nexus hotel. Giovanni recalled seeing a building with the sign reading Nexus once or twice when he was patrolling with his brothers, but he didn’t connect the dots until they explained it.

“I see. So…stay away from the hotel basically?” He inquired, earning firm nods from his younger siblings, “Yeah, pretty much. We try to also avoid her as much as possible. But sometimes she’ll be involved with something that we are already investigating.” Leo groans out, recalling past interactions with Big Mama.

”I also have another question. It’s not quite relating to Big Mama but…I was wondering, when can I see New York during the day?”

His curious question caught them off guard. It was instantly followed by clear shaking heads and audible “no’s” from everyone. “Sorry hermano. But going out in the day is a bad idea. Sure, we use to do that, but ever since the invasion, we find it best to just go out at night.” Leo explains, smiling tightly as he plays it off calm and collected with an air of his usual confidence.

Giovanni frowns a bit. He knew it probably childish to be acting like this, but he was curious about the city in the day. However, he also understood their concerns, he knew that while they were friends with only a few selected humans, the rest of world can’t see them. 

“Okay. Sorry, didn’t mean to overstep.” He apologised, glancing down as his brothers gather around him, Raph placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “It’s all right. Your simply curious is all. It’s understandable considering everything.” He assured, letting his older brother know that no one was mad and that they understood.

Giovanni gave a tiny smile in appreciation, but he still couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. 

-----

It was dark out, and as per usual, the brothers were out at night, jumping from roof to roof and over all patrolling. Though besides a few robberies and teens graffitiing the streets, there wasn’t much happening.  Giovanni didn’t mind, it just meant he got to explore more without being interrupted by a fight.

Fighting was still relatively new to him. He would avoid it if he could, which seemed to be happening quite a bit, his brothers picking up the slack. Not that Giovanni was purposely slacking off. He wasn’t much of a fighter, he only blocked and deflected attacks, hardly being the one to be on the offense. 

Leo assured that it was fine, that the gang could use someone like that on the team. But to Giovanni, he felt useless. What was the point of having a weapon and learning how to punch and kick and be an overall ninja if he barely uses it when it’s needed.

Maybe I really am just a nuisance.

He sighs softly, his brothers were chilling and chatting amongst themselves, Mikey and Leo hanging up on a water tower as Donnie and Raph stood not far. Giovanni smiled lightly at his brothers before he calmly turns his gaze to the streets. He wasn’t looking for anything in particular. Just merely observing.

He hums lightly, his heterochromia eyes scanning the area, before he stops at a dark alley. There was something there. Something he couldn’t quite make out.

Giovanni walks a little close to the edge, leaning forward slightly and squinting eyes at the alley across the street. Was that a person? Weird, why would a random human be standing in the dark alley alone in the middle of the night—

Wait…this person. A man—was wearing a familiar suit. Sunglasses hiding his eyes. Pale skin. Short black hair…

Giovanni felt his body froze in place. He knew that man. Or at least he looked scarily familiar to someone he knew.

No…it can’t be.

The figure was staring right at him. The expression barely changing. He was watching. Watching Giovanni like a hawk. 

Why is he here? He can’t be here!

Panic rises, his breathing quickening as could feel himself gaining tunnel vision. Shit was he going to pass out?

He used whatever power he had in himself to look away, closing his eyes tightly as he recouped himself out of the panic state, he was starting to go in. When he opens his eyes and looked back with hesitance to see if he was there…he was met with a blank spot.

No sign of anyone nearby. No man. No vehicle. Nothing. 

Despite it all, Giovanni was now on edge. It was highly possible that it was just his imagination, why he would even think about them was a mystery. But he didn’t want to risk being out anymore. Not tonight. 

He looks to his brothers, neither of them had realised what had happened. And he wanted it to stay that way. He walks over and shyly poked Raph who blinks and looked back, giving him a smile.

”What’s up?”

”I want to go home now.” Giovanni bluntly states, shocking not just Raph, but the others who were in earshot. “Go home? Are you all right?” Mikey was quick to interrogate out of concern, he didn’t want to worry his siblings, so he gave his best assuring look.

”Yeah, just tired is all.”

Leo hums and nods, “All right. We’ve been out long enough anyway. Time to hit the hay!”

Donnie scoffs playfully, rolling his eyes as Mikey jumps off the water tower. “Says you, the insomniac of the family.” Donnie sassed out, making Leo chuckled cheekily as the twins walk off together, Leo purposely getting into Donnie’s space as the soft shell used his bō to push Leo away.

Giovanni follows his brother, instinctively keeping close to at least one of them for a sense of security. He gave a hesitant look back, the paranoia still fresh in his mind as he hurried home.

-----

Dreaming nice things was tough. Almost impossible for Giovanni who twisting and turning in the med bay bed. The lights were off, and it was quiet. Too quiet.

Giovanni had his eyes closed. He wishes he was dreaming about the things that made him feel happy. Things he liked. His family.

But all he got was nightmares—memories— eating away at him.

-----

A desperate grunt echoed through the room, squish pink vines were strangling Giovanni who was covered in bruises and scratches. Fresh blood visible on his body as he lays limply in the vines.

Sister Krang annoyingly laughing at him as she circled the mutant. “Come on…don’t hold back your noises. It’s how we can tell if you’re alive.” She taunts, poking teasingly at Giovanni who flinched as he subconsciously tried to move away from the touch.

He whimpers in pain. He was being tortured again by these three. They found him sleeping in a cave and dragged him back to their little wrecked spaceship that they use to do whatever they felt like doing.

Sister Krang insisted on having her fun. Prime and Brother Krang didn’t stop her. 

She had her way with him, strangling him, throwing him around, pinning him down and using her tentacles to see through his mind, giving him the hallucinations of being free before showing him the truth that he was forever with them.

”Think he’s had enough?” Prime spoke up, slithering his way to the other side of Giovanni who refused to look at him. That and if he did, he might just vomit.

”Not enough if you ask me. You know how much I enjoy our pet here.”

Pet…right, that’s what he was to them. 

“Very well. Be sure to not kill him.” Prime replied as he scurried off, the third Krang brother silently following as Giovanni shook in fear. He was stuck. 

Stuck with her.

Sister Krang chuckled lowly, her slithery tentacles sliding up his plastron and gripping his head, forcing him to look at her as he stared wide eyed in horror. 

“Let’s see how much your body can tolerate being struck with sharp glass from our ship…”

-----

Giovanni grips at the bed sheets, sweat dripping down as he pants, turning his head to the side as another memory pops up.

-----

“AAAHH!”

Giovanni felt his throat becoming raw as he arched his back in the strings of the tentacle vines that held him on the floor. Prime was smirking in amusement, his own tentacles embracing the mutants head. Messing with his mind.

Giving him pain in a mental way. 

Giovanni gasps, fingers twitching as he felt his body being ripped apart. “Stop it! Stop it! Hurts!” He begged over and over, but it never stopped.

Tears spilling from his eyes as he choked out multiple begs at a time. 

“I’m sorry! Let me go! I won’t run away! I’ll be good. It hurts!”

Prime hums in mocking thought before he eventually released Giovanni, letting him collapse on the floor as the vines loosened their grip and slithered away from Giovanni who coughs, drool escaping his mouth and eyes wide, he curls up, hands clutching his stomach securely.

He still had his body together. None of his insides were spilling on the floor. He had his blood still inside his body. 

He was alive.

He coughs once more, breathing uneven as he tried to calm down. He slowly lifted his head up, a little dazed from the mind torture he experienced as Prime smiled sinisterly at him.

”Don’t get comfortable vermin…we have all the time in the world.”

-----

Giovanni was now clawing at the blanket. Drool slightly escaping his mouth, as though he is somewhat re-experiencing the pain.

This time, he dreamt of something else. Not Krang. It was blurry…but bits and pieces were flooding in. It was him as a child.

-----

“—up the dosage, unless you want him kicking and screaming again.”

What?

His body felt heavy, he felt sleepy, but he was fighting whatever he was given to stay awake. He moved slightly, his wrists were restrained, and he was becoming more aware.

He was strapped down in the familiar cold table. Arms and legs tied with metal bars as he looks around, eyes slowly adjusting as he winced at the bright light and voices of the doctors.

”He’s fighting off the medicine…”

Medicine?

”—we shall look into that. For now, continue with getting the DNA.”

Giovanni whimpered in distress, he felt off. As he slightly made out a couple of figures. Lab coats and men in suits.

Before he could ask what was going on, he felt a painful pinch in his neck. He gasps and cries out, thrashing about, his arms and legs hurting from rubbing against the restraints.

He knew what the pinch was. Needles.

They used needles on him a lot. He didn’t like it. He hated it. It hurts him.

“Chirp!”

He hiccupped out a begging chirp, the needle leaving his neck to give him time to adjust before re-entering at a different spot.

”Chirp! Chirp!”

A hand cupped his cheek, making Giovanni sniffled as he tried to focus on the person holding his face. “It’ll be over soon.” The voice assured. It was a man’s voice, and even though it was obvious he was irritated, Giovanni felt some kind of safety from him.

“…no more…please…”

He was cut off when this time, his mouth was forced open, making him pant heavily in distress as something metallic and cold went inside his mouth, pulling at his teeth.

He gags in response. He couldn’t speak now, but he made other noises to show his discomfort. But they ignored him. Pulling out at least two teeth.

The man that was once cupping his face had let him go. Giovanni was tired. His eyes blurry as tried to concentrate on the men in the suits, they were talking amongst themselves, but he couldn't hear.

He had passed out on the metallic table.

-----

When he woke up the next day, Giovanni was completely drained. The hallucination of last night of who he saw must’ve spooked him really good. His vivid nightmares were haunting him in the back of his mind.

But he couldn’t worry his family. This was his problem. Not theirs.

He walks over to the kitchen, seeing Mikey cooking up breakfast as the others gather around the table, talking to each other, Leo teasing Donnie who sassed back at him. Raph was sighing at his brothers, but he wasn’t stopping them.

”Oh, good morning my son. Sleep well?” Splinter notices his oldest first, frowning instantly when he saw the state of Giovanni who tried to focus on his father.

“I slept okay…still tired though.”

”We all have those days. I know I do!” Leo jokes, only for Donnie to make his own comment towards his twin. “Like you ever sleep.”

”Uh, excuse you, you’re one to talk!”

Giovanni pushed back their voices, walking closer to the table as he was starving. Maybe some food will help him forget about last night.

He was about to walk past the kitchen island but stopped when he flinched. On the ground he saw pink tentacles, lurking around the corner.

No! How are they here?!

He yelps, startling everyone who jumped at his sudden shout. “Whoa, whoa. What happened?” Leo was quick to respond, getting up and making his way to Giovanni’s side who stared wide eyed at the floor.

When he blinked, he saw that the tentacles were gone and on the ground was a pink cloth that Mikey must’ve dropped when he was cleaning dishes at one point.

He looks over at his family who were giving him a concern look. “S-sorry. Sorry…I thought…it’s nothing. I’m okay.” He breathed out, he couldn’t form a sentence but now he was feeling girly for making them worry.

”My son, if something is troubling you, we are here to help.” Splinter softly assured but Giovanni nods quickly, he didn’t want to talk about it.

“I know. And I’m sorry if I scared anyone…”

He backs up, giving an apologetic look as he walks away. He was no longer feeling hungry. He just needed to distract himself. So, he went to the living room, sitting on his designated bean bag and watched the screen on the TV.

He didn’t know what was on, but it was slowly helping. He was relaxing for a moment, until a scene of a few men in suits came on screen. 

He froze once more, eyes wide open as one of the characters looked scarily familiar to one of the men he briefly recalled in his dream and from the alleyway.

He shakes his head, quickly turning off the TV as he hunched forward. He was feeling sick again.

No, hold it together. It’s just the paranoia. I’m safe…

His lips tremble as he gets up and hastily walked off towards the exit of the lair. But he didn’t get far, he stood and looked ahead. He wasn’t allowed to leave by himself, and he wasn’t allowed out during the daytime.

He felt suffocated. But he couldn’t disobey his family. So, he walks back to the living room and sat back down. He didn’t turn the screen on, he just sat in silence.

-----

Later that night, he did something that he thought he would never do.

Sneak out while everyone was sleeping. It was a day off from patrols, so his brothers were fast asleep or chilling in their rooms. Giovanni was good at keeping his noise to a level of silence. He had tons of experience on sneaking around, thanks to his time in the prison dimension, he snuck around a lot to not be caught.

He made his way to the exit, climbing up the ladder and lifting the manhole cover off. He felt wind briefly when he poked his hand up. He hesitated but forced himself to pull himself out the hole. He then placed the cover back over the top, as he looked around the alley, he found himself all alone in.

It was strange, being out by himself. No doubt he’d get in serious trouble with his family if they ever found out. So, he only had to keep this a secret.

It wasn’t like he was going to venture out too far. He just needed fresh air to clear his head. He really needed it. 

He steps forward and took another step. His legs taking him to who knows where. But he just kept walking, making his way up a fire escape and scaling the rooftops as he would normally do now with his brothers when they were out together.

Plus, he could actually take in any sights he couldn’t properly look at without the rush from the others.

He didn’t realise where his legs decided to take him to until he came to a halt and stared at the building ahead. The Nexus hotel.

He blinks, looking around in confusion. Why did he decide to go here? As far as he was concerned, he only saw this building from the distance. His brothers made sure to not go near this place.

Giovanni rubs his neck, hoping it would release any tension he was feeling. He glances down, crouching on the roof as he witnesses a couple of yokai walking into the hotel. That confused him.

If this Big Mama was as dangerous as his brothers made her out to be, then why would yokai’s all kind head straight into her building? It seemed safe enough from his eyes.

He bites his lip, before exhaling as he jumps down the roof, landing on the ground and inching closer to the hotel front door. He walks in, expecting to be greeted with danger, but instead…it was just your usual hotel lobby, aside from the yokai’s, it was basically normal.

He blinks, looking around. No one so much as batted an eye to him. 

He heard a ding, catching his attention as he looks over to an elevator. He walks over and gently placed his fingers against the buttons.

Maybe he should leave…he was already going to be in trouble if his family found out he snuck out by himself.

But the more he stared, the more he wanted to explore. This was his chance to take his own time in seeing what’s new. So he presses the button the doors open to invite himself.

He hesitantly strolls in, watching the automatic doors shut as he looks at the button panel. He presses a random one, watching it light up. He got startled when the elevator began moving up, he gripped onto his sword in comfort as he waits anxiously for the movement to stop.

When it did, he steps out the elevator. He was in a different place now. A corridor with multiple rooms lined up. Right, this was a hotel, this was normal.

He walks, following the direction of the floor. He took note of the doors and their numbers. 

He stops when he saw a portal at the end of the hallway. On top there was a sign that read Battle Nexus. He winced slightly, taking a step back. From what he heard from his brothers, the battle nexus was quite the horrific spectacle. Watching others fight each other to the death sometimes.

He shuddered and moved along. 

-----

He had been exploring this place for what felt like hours. He came across another room that reminded him of a bar. A very large one where yokai’s would sit down, get a drink and watch a sphere showing the battle nexus.

He didn’t go inside.

He came across no danger whatsoever. Which had eased his worries. He didn’t understand why on earth his siblings were cautious of this place. He hasn’t even come across this Big Mama either.

The most he saw were bellhops. And they didn’t pay him any mind either. 

He figured he should head back home. It was no doubt late and he had to be back before anyone was awake. Unless he wanted to deal with the multiple questions from the others.

Ge stops, turning on his heel and starts walking back towards the elevator. But as he moves, he heard pounding against the floor, fast, and powerful. He tilts his head and looks back behind, only to gasp when a large dog was charging at him, their eyes red and singled on him.

His body told him to run. And he listens. He takes off in a sprint, trying to ignore the vicious barking of whatever that dog thing was. He turns left down the wall, bumping into the wall but kept his balance. He pants, hearing the beast getting closer and closer.

Giovanni was slow. 

With a startled cry of surprise, Giovanni was pounced on and pinned to the floor. He grunts and turns to lay on his shell, staring up at his captor. He felt his body froze.

This beast…it reminded him too much of the Krang mutts he had been forced to face with a few times. The red eyes, the growling. The overall presence.

Am I back in the prison dimension?

He shakes as the canine leans in and sniffs. Giovanni, closed his eyes, turning his head to the side to not face it.

”Gus, what are you doing to our guest?”

A woman spoke up, making both Giovanni and this beast—Gus— look over at her. Gus, hops off Giovanni who breathed out in relief, panting heavily to calm down as he slowly sits up.

”Big Mama! I smelt the stench of those turtle dudes. I followed it and I came across this guy!” Gus, who didn’t seem all that terrifying anymore was wagging his tail in accomplishment. “Although, I don’t think he’s one that we’ve met before. He’s got a totally different smell to him as well.”

Giovanni gazed over to the woman. She was staring him down in curiosity.

This is Big Mama? The spider lady?

While Giovanni knew she wasn’t human, given her skin tone and overall vibe. He didn’t see her to be threatening.

”Oh? Another turtlyboo?”

Turtlyboo?

Big Mama waltzed over and offered her hand for him to take. “I do apologise for Gus. I hope he didn’t frighten you.” 

Giovanni reached out with hesitation as he allows himself to be lifted off the ground. Big Mama smiles before giving a brief glare at Gus who whimpered at the stare. “I’ll be sure to give him a few words.”

She turns her attention back to Giovanni, taking in his appearance. “Although, I am curious. Are perhaps in relation to the others? To my Snuggle Muffin Beefcake?” She asks in utter curious, her eyes practically sparkling.

”…your who?” 

Giovanni didn’t know this Snuggle Muffin Beefcake that she mentioned. But when she frowned with a slight narrow of her eyes, he came to the conclusion that she was talking about Splinter.

”I’m his oldest son….” He mumbled, his hand clutching the handle of his sword. “Oldest son? So, Lou has another child. How strange, I haven’t heard of you until now.” Big Mama hums in thought and curiosity. “I was trapped…in a dimension for most of my life. I only recently discovered about my family.” He responds, he didn’t want to risk getting on her bad side.

”Oh you poor thing. What is your name again?”

”…Giovanni.”

”Giovanni. You are free to come and go as you please in Big Mama’s hotel. Anyone in relation to Lou, is welcomed here. Please, do tell your brothers the same thing.”

She smiles warmly as she began leading Giovanni away to the elevator. “Best be off. I’ll keep this little chat a secret between us. My guess is that you snuck out?” She smirks as Giovanni gulps and hesitantly nodded in confirmation.

”Thank you…”

”Get home safe!”

The elevator doors closed as Big Mama waited for a moment before she placed a hand on her cheek, grinning to herself. 

“So, another turtle is on the streets. Lou’s older son? Yes…he’s quite the interesting mutant. I look forward to seeing more of him.”

She chuckles darkly before turning away and walking off.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry for the wait! I had some difficulty writing this, but I think it turned out okay. Hopefully—

I APOLOGISE FOR ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES THAT WERE MADE, I TYPE PRETTY FAST AND OFTEN DON’T SEE THEM UNTIL I ACTUALLY PUBLISH THE CHAPTER. THEN I’D TRY AND FIX ANY MISTAKES WHEN I SEE ONE.

quotev - 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 |ROTTMNT| (Male OC)

Ao3 - 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 |ROTTMNT| (Male OC)

First chapter here

Next chapter here

[styxxsyringe]

could you show a little bit of your art progression over the years? your style is absolutely magnificent btwbtw!!

sure ! i've done a similar post, but that was focused on shape language and didn't go over all of my art progression. i'll link it at the end of this post!

anyway, i started digital art around 7 years ago, but all of the art from that period is essentially lost. at that time, it was just deviantart bases and various furry/warrior cats fanart made in MS paint. while i'm not a fan of vivziepop anymore, she was a big inspiration at that time, as well as a handful of popular animation meme artists at the time. around 2019, i started making art in krita using a mouse. and later that year, i started making art in ibispaint (mostly skullgirls fanart). unfortunately, practically everything from before 2020 is lost because it was on reddit accounts that i had deleted out of cringe. don't delete your old art ever!!! i do have this piece though, made in 2020 on krita with a mouse. my main inspirations were invader zim and other cartoons.

my artstyle took a lot of dips and turns around this time. i got back into anime, and it influenced my style in a way that i think made it really ugly and bad looking. i also refused to ever flip my canvas. i think this era actually held me back. here's an example.

anyway, by 2021, i had gotten into more anime that influenced my style in a different way. i forget the exact ones, but i did watch a lot of stuff from trigger (like BNA and LWA) at the time, and also got into enstars which influenced my compositions a lot. it's also around the time that nova in her current "space astronaut bunny" concept was born. i started experimenting with backgrounds, color palletes, and colored lines, which was crucial. i look back at this era pretty fondly. though i still refused to flip my canvas :D

by 2022, my artstyle looked like this -

(this is actually from dec 2021 but like. it's still what my artstyle looked like)

i had played world's end club and rewatched panty and stocking, and it changed my brain chemistry. i decided that my artstyle would be "60% anime, 40% western cartoon", and despite some shortlived phases where i'd go for a slightly different style, i still kept it up. looking at least year's art summary, though, you can see that i broke away from that style for something more anime. and also, i hardly ever experimented with colors anymore because i was focused on character design. i'm gonna be real i think everything after july looks like absolute bootycheeks. i hate this weird single tiny dot reflection style i had going on it looks like dogwater.

after 2022, my art was in a miserable transitional period where i had zero clue what direction i wanted to go in. but despite all that, this piece in particular is crucial. because i used halftones in the background. it's foreshadowing!!!

i continued like this for a while, until the time where i decided to play around with shapes with those vocaloid big 8 drawings. people really liked the shapes that i used in that one, and i found them fun to draw. so i started exaggerating more, and after i rewatched panty and stocking for the 307492020506th time, as well as invader zim for the 2nd time, my cartoony roots came back.

and then, when my art was already steadily improving, across the spiderverse dropped, and i watched it. funnily enough afterwards i had a big art block because i was just thinking, "you need to draw if you want to work on something as big as that! improve!!!!" which kind of held me back. but after all that, i decided to take a note out of ATSV (and comic books in general)'s book and start using halftones in my work. as well as that, i started focusing on lineart way more, and tried to play around with lineweight. which brings us to present day, where my latest art pieces look like this :

i still think that my artstyle needs a lot of work. even these pieces have issues when it comes to symmetry, values, and the like. but nowadays, though my art takes far longer now (as i've abandoned special pens and just do lineart with the hard dip pen in a kind of tedious way), i'm having more fun with it than i have in years. i think halftones fit my artstyle really well, and they're a unique way to "fill up" areas. now that i pay attention to lineart, i think it makes my art feel 'fuller', at least with more depth. did i mention my inspirations for this current 'phase' of my art? :0 i've been playing a lot of muse dash lately, and my pinterest boards are always full of stuff from TWEWY and megaman. there's far more than that, but in short, i want a sharp and striking style with bright colors. i know that you said a little bit of my progression and i basically dropped a whole essay 😭 ,,, but i really like talking about art in general even if i'm not very good at it. i hope this was interesting at the very least! here's the other post also:

[ye-oldroderich]

Hi i saw a friend of mine do art of ur wiz ocs and kindly i wpuld love to hear more about them. Nonhuman ocs in wiz r so fun

OMG YAAAAAY i love talking about my ocs so bad ..... WAHH. prepare for a long yap sesh

More art of them from last(?) year's art fight by my friend @mister-geuse <3 ily tutt

I love Insaf and Rund they're my little guys im so glad so many people like them too 😭 when i make ocs for media i like to try and explore things that help to flesh out the world more and wizzy has SO many nonhuman peoples and there's just so much you can do ... no shade to people with human ocs of course. but personally i like exploring different things with each character i make

Krokotopia is one of my favorite worlds because i'm old and i like lizard people. it isnt without criticism (LOTS of criticism) though. i dont think ive ever seen another mander oc before (although i havent looked *that* hard, theres probably some out there!) so they were my go-to when making an oc from that world.

Insaf loves history! especially the history of magic in her world. she's often frustrated after she comes to wizard city and the library doesn't have much information on krokotopia's history, let alone things about her culture or anything before the krok dynasties came to power. after being Alhazred's student, she finds Arthur Wethersfield's teaching suuuuper lackluster in comparison. she corrects things he says about Balance magic in her mind. Insaf would be an "um, actually" girl if she wasn't nerfed with a severe anxiety disorder LMAO

she's actually really easy to anger but is just so adept at bottling it that she never shows it. this girl wants to rage so badly. magic is her outlet. she's a bit of a wildcard during duels since shes small and unassuming but VERY quickly becomes very aggressive with lots of offensive spells. she got a broomstick when she moved to wizard city but sucks at riding it and is pretty embarrassed about it (her tail throws her off-balance). she also has a pet chameleon in her dorm! its name is Sheba.

Now for Rund. i love birds and dinosaurs and corvids so a raven was a must-have for me as an oc. also its fun to put your characters through the horrors (ie a cult) and Rund definitely gets the brunt of it lmao. i haven't really ever made a character dealing with amnesia because its such a cheap plot cliché and its never done accurately to how amnesia actually works as like. a nuerological condition. so with Rund i've been really researching how it actually works so that i can portray it well.

amnesia is still not very well understood because the brain is so silly and complicated but if i were to label her with something it'd be pure retrograde amnesia. after her head injury, she can't really remember much at all about herself, and isn't familiar with ravenscar or anyone there. she CAN remember how to use runes, though, and other "muscle-memory" things. after she's sent to wizard city to recover, she starts getting some memories back over time (mostly information she got while reading, and some personal details) but memories specifically retaining to the Coven are much harder for her to remember.

Rund is also autistic (both she and Insaf are) and has some other underlying conditions that were exacerbated by both her head injury and the traumatic stress she was under. she has both motor and vocal tics, and doesn't speak much outside of echoalia. she's very easily overwhelmed so she sticks to less crowded and quieter places, which are hard to find in wizard city ... its why she and insaf hang out by the death school LMAO. no one else is ever there.

Rund uses runestones instead of a spelldeck, just like a lot of people in Grizzleheim traditionally do. she likes to shake the bag and hear them clinking together. her mount is a Death Vortex, and i rationalize it as like ... her turning into a cloud to zip around (usually so she can get on top of something and perch up there). she likes having her hood up so she can block out stimuli. Rund knows people look at her differently, which is part of why she avoids most people. she doesn't really know how to feel about being sent to Ravenwood, but supposes its better than the alternative ... though she misses Grizzleheim's snow.

Rund and Insaf met when they were assigned partner on a death class project. neither of them really had friends before that at ravenwood. Insaf doesn't expect anything of Rund or judge her for things she can't control. Likewise, Rund doesn't judge Insaf for having "unsightly" feelings, and can relate to it. they both like yapping about magic and history, and take turns talking at eachother. they have library dates where they go and point out flaws in the literature (hater activity). they're their own best company.

[snek-panini]

At long last, I have a new book to share! Feels like forever since the last one. This is Vita Nova, a fantastic Good Omens fic by @philoomenaa that I asked to bind way back in October. It took me a while to get here and I learned several new techniques for this bind but it was so very worth the wait. It's an excellent pre-season 2 story from 2019-2020, involving the fandom's favorites dealing with an unexpected bout of both humanity and memory loss. It's just...really really good and I love it.

More photos and process talk under the cut! There are a lot of details to see with this one.

One of the things I learned for this bind was homemade book cloth. I used the heat n bond method and had pretty good results with this satiny bronze cloth that I found in the Joann's remnant bin. The making of the cloth was fairly straightforward but it handles very differently to regular book cloth. The satin is really slippery and absolutely would not hold a crease at the hinge. I think it also shrank a little at the gluing stage? Which sounds weird but I left my usual amount of space for the corner turn-ins but still had teeny tiny gaps on three of the corners, which has never happened to me before. I also had an issue with glue seepage when I applied HTV to the cover and spine. You can see this in the images above, and here in the spine photos:

Part of the reason it has that fancy art nouveau frame on the cover is an attempt to hide this. I think it's the heat press re-activating the heat n bond to cause it. I found out two things here: that fabric requires less press time than book cloth or cardstock, and that if you move the heat press slowly but constantly like an iron it is way less likely to do this. I was super disappointed that it happened but now, a few days later, it doesn't seems so bad. I guess some items just come with a little personal history already baked in.

Here, have some more glamour shots:

The geometric endpapers were chosen specifically to go with this cloth. I found them at the same craft store and knew I had use them together, they look so incredible. And I learned edge gilding for this project! It was very annoying. The final result here is with heat transfer foil, and I did about six tests on scrap text blocks before I got a result I was at all satisfied with. I tried rub n buff (great coverage, not shiny enough, kept coming off on my fingers even after curing for 2 days) and an actual gilding kit (flaked off as soon as I separated the pages). The heat foil still has some patchy spots but was by far the best-looking result. I also learned double-core end bands for this project! Because I wanted some kind of match for those opulent endpapers and didn't want to settle for just two colors. I think they came out pretty well for a first try and I'll definitely be doing them again.

Couple of photos of the ribbon I chose for the bookmark. It's probably a little too wide for a book this length; you can see in the end band photo that I had to fold it in half to get it to lay in the spine properly. But it looks so good with the other design elements that I couldn't resist. Luxury all the way on this one.

Speaking of luxury, have a look at the interior:

From left to right, we have the title page, the ornament I chose for the chapter numbers, and the scene break divider. All the images came from rawpixel with just the lightest amount of editing from me. The chapter image is the same as the star on the title page, but I made it gray and took out the center to turn it into a frame for the numbers. The cloth and endpapers really set the tone for this one all the way through, and all the other design choices followed from there. It's really gorgeous, guys. I love it so much.

And that's it! That was the last work in progress I had from 2023, and I'm so pleased to have finally finished it. Hope you like it, AMidnightDreary!

[ofintrusions]

Oh, is that SASHA “BLAYZE” KING? I heard the THIRTY EIGHT year old is ALERT. But don’t let that pretty face fool you, they are also DANGEROUS. Makes sense seeing how they are a HITMAN in the CRIMSONS. tw: mentions death of loved one and a kid [not in detail tho!]

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 ;

Name: Sasha King

Nicknames/Alias: Blayze

Age: 38

DOB: October 30th

Zodiac: Scorpio

Gender: cisfemale

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: pansexual

Tattoos: dragon (dont ask me placement i cant decide rn)

Piercings: Ears

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 ;

Favorite Song: Demons by Doja Cat

Traits: Alert, loyal, fearless, calculating, adaptable, vengeful, dangerous, irritable, violent

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Neutral, toeing evil

Deadly Sin: Wrath

Pinterest - tba

𝐁𝐈𝐎 ;

Born into a family of Crimsons dating back to the Chicago days, the King’s of course followed the gang to New York once the move was made.

Sasha, or Blayze as she goes by, wasn’t a planned pregnancy in the slightest but welcomed into the world nonetheless despite the initial hesitancy from her parents.

Her mother wasn’t too happy with having to take a step back from her duties but she’d dealt with it regardless.

From an early age she was taught the importance of education and knowledge, not just academically of course. She’d been her parent’s little protege, girls her age were playing house and with Barbie’s while she was far more interested in training.

It started off with simple martial arts and fighting tactics, blocking hits, to learning how to defend herself and take hits of all sorts.

Once that had been achieved, which was far easier as she’d been eager to please, she could go onto learning how to break people in turn: torture techniques, how to break people psyches and probe for valuable information.

She wasn’t necessarily the best at making friends when it came to school but that didn’t matter when she knew the type of life she’d be fully immersing herself into once she was 18.

Naturally, she’d continue the path of the crimson life. She started off in the low ranks despite how good they knew she’d be getting her hands dirty. Blayze was eager to become a hit woman but her parents knew she’d need to earn it, too much eagerness could make you reckless and recklessness would get you killed.

But she did earn it, because of course she did. And she continues to enjoy being sent off on a job, it’s like a little game to her and she enjoys the thrill of the hunt.

Her parents would’ve wanted her to strive for more but Blayze wasn't interested in never interested in taking on more and being a leader, she doesn’t have the patience or needed charisma for dealing with all the members. Although most of the crimsons are considered family, Blayze still keeps a guard up and doesn't just trust them all blindly, her parents taught her that. Anyone could betray her or the gang at any given moment.

With her line of work, making friends and getting close to people outside of the crimsons isn’t easy. Not that she exactly tries either but there have been times where that hard shell was cracked.

Somewhere along the her late twenties she’d fallen for a woman— a single mom who works two jobs (literally) and a kid that wasn’t too bad. It was a surprise even to herself and although she’d done her best to keep them private and hidden from the life she led, they were killed in retaliation to something she’d done. Blayze has never forgiven herself for that.

The second time she’d let someone in was fairly recent. Around a year or so ago. It was hot and fun, someone she would’ve liked to keep around for the good sex and maybe more and good company, they matched each others freak well but that very much backfired on her when she found out he was on an entirely different side to hers. Additionally, he’d interfered with one of her jobs. Blayze rarely ever misses or fails, so when she does, it’s a huge fucking deal to her. It’s fine though, she’d taken her frustrations out on him and left him to die… or did she? She loves a good game.

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 ;

Mostly known as Blayze, thats how she introduces herself most often than not. Only those close to her would know her first name, Sasha’s a bit too personal, something reserved for those she cares about. Where does Blayze come from? Being a pyromaniac, idk, what? Are you a fucking cop??????

Terrible cook, don’t look at her fucking fridge there’s not much in there

Surprisingly not terrible with kids. However, that doesn’t mean she’s gonna be babysitting anytime soon

She’s ambidextrous

Keeps her place clean and neat all of the time, nothing is ever out of place

[ozwuv]

I love your art! So, I was wondering if you have any drawing tips you could give?

Hiii thank you so much for the kind words, I am really glad you like it!!! :’3

As far as tips, this is kind of a broad question that I think it varies widely in terms of how you want your art to look. Personally, my main priorities are fluidity and character interaction, so that’s what I focus on even though it means I don’t really draw elaborate backgrounds and such. I’m sure I could become better at other things if I tried, but I’m not a professional nor am I trying to be, so I just focus on what’s fun to me.

Putting the rest of this under a cut bc it's gonna be long

As for actual advice, I have three big rules which I think have helped me continue to enjoy drawing as long as I have, which is the most important thing to me. I started drawing as soon as I could hold a pencil, and it's been my main outlet for good and bad times throughout my whole life (I am 26 now). Other people liking what I draw is a treat, but as long as I have fun, that’s ultimately what matters to me. That said, please keep in mind I am speaking solely for myself here since everyone draws for different reasons and in different ways.

The first thing is avoiding perfectionism at all costs when drawing, because it sucks the fun out of the process and ruins the visual fluidity in whatever I’m working on. An example of this is that I don’t like to go back and revise lines I’ve already placed, because the more I try to polish them, the stiffer they look. Even in digital art I try to roll with mistakes instead of erasing, or just completely undo the line I placed and try again. 

The other thing is something I actually picked up from dog training which is arguably my biggest passion in life. There’s a common saying amongst dog trainers: No “one more time” — which essentially means that when find yourself thinking “one more time,” you need switch gears immediately and do something else because you have hit your frustration threshold and every attempt from then on will be frustrating & counterproductive for both you and the dog. 

This applies to pretty much every aspect of life for me, but it made a huuuge difference when I started to consider it within the context of drawing. If I just stop whatever I’m frustrated with and go back to it later, 99% of the time I can pinpoint exactly what bothered me and how I could have fixed it. I’m typically not the type to work on something over various sittings, so even if I don’t finish the picture I was working on after coming back to it, being able to pinpoint what went wrong about it is a lesson I can apply to whatever I work on next.

The third rule ties into the last one, which is just not pushing myself. If I’m not having fun with a drawing anymore, I’m not going to force it. If it’s not coming out the way I want it to, I’m not gonna push it. Any time I've pushed through frustration to finish something, I wound up disliking how it came out. This isn’t really realistic for someone who is a professional (or aiming to be), but for me who just likes drawing anime characters for fun, it’s perfect. Because of this, I haven’t dealt with constant art blocks like I used to. I definitely still have them, but they're usually brief and not distressing to me. I feel like I’ve kind of stagnated the past several years, but at the end of the day I have a blast when I draw and that’s all that matters to me!

There's a common sentiment that everybody hates/is embarrassed of the things they drew in the past or even right after finishing and/or posting them. But it doesn't have to be like that, and imo it shouldn't. I think that just means there are some things about one's process and mindset that need to be reflected on.

Hopefully that helps somewhat, but YMMV if your priorities are more in the vein of constant improvement and/or being a professional :] I know this was kind of an abstract response, so if anyone has specific questions feel free to ask lol

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super Manga Ch.100

Yes, Cheelai, we have finally reached the end of the 2023 Dragon Ball Apocrypha Liveblog, but in particular, we've also finally reached the end of the seemingly endless manga adaptation of the Dragon Ball Super: Super Hero movie.

And yeah, this seems like an anticlimactic place to close out the year, but that's kind of how this entire liveblog has been, when you get down to it. I've had fun going through all this stuff, but there's a reason I'm referring to it all as "apocryphal". The Tournament of Power is a lot of fun, and the two DBS feature films are instant classics, but none of it really feels essential to Dragon Ball. From the OAVs to GT to Super, the main theme here is "Hey, remember Dragon Ball? Let's make more of that!" Everything ends up being a sequel or a callback or an easter-eggy kind of deal. And that's not the worst thing that can happen to a franchise, but it's probably fitting that we're closing out on the final chapter of a comic book adaptation of a movie that serves as a sequel to the Android arc that was a continuation of the Red Ribbon Army arc.

Chapter 100 just retells the last several minutes of the Super Hero movie, and I already went over the film, so let's just concentrate on how the manga depicts it differently. We'll start with Gohan's right arm, which got some heat a few days ago when the previews came out.

I refuse to dogpile on Toyotaro, since he's a far better artist than I'll ever be, and I've genuinely enjoyed his art through this entire read-through, even when the writing has been bad. That said... yeah, Gohan's arm looks kind of weird. Maybe while Gohan was teaching himself the Special Beam Cannon, he learned how to do Piccolo's stretchy arm thing too.

I do think it's pretty dumb how chuds on Twitter will nitpick Toyotaro's art as though the original Dragon Ball manga was some kind of showcase of photorealistic anatomy. I've been a fan of this thing for a quarter-century now, and the key to loving Dragon Ball is to make peace with the fact that it's fundamentally goofy and stupid. Sometimes a guy's arm gets drawn longer than his other arm. Sometimes characters scream so loud that their jaws unhinge like when a snake swallows an egg whole. Bulma wasted a wish on the Dragon Balls to make her ass look hotter, because if she didn't, then Frieza would come back and use the wish to make himself taller. Goku grew his tail back by having a guy tug on his ass with a pair of pliers. This show was always a hot mess, so don't blame Toyotaro. It was like this when he got here.

Anyway, Cell Max tries to block the Special Beam Cannon like he did in the movie, but Gohan has a harder time punching through, so in this version Goten and Trunks jump in to distract Cell and give Gohan a boost. In the movie, they were still Gotenks until after the fight ended, but in this version the battle must have taken a little longer, since they de-fused a little earlier.

Of course, this is just a way for Toyotaro to show off the Great Saiyaman X-1 and X-2 costumes one more time. It's kind of pointless, because all of the added Goten and Trunks scenes in this arc have been pointless. Also, Trunks' pose looks really awkward here. He looks like he got sawed in half, and both halves are still kind of flying forward in the same direction, but he's no longer connected.

I will say that I'm grateful for this final appearance of X-1 and X-2, because it gives me a chance to critique their outfits one last time. I hate the superhero undies they wear over their tights. They look baggy and puffy for some reason, which make it look like Goten and Trunks are wearing diapers. I'm pretty sure that's the exact opposite of what the boys were going for.

I mean, the outfits aren't that bad, but what irritates me is how Toyotaro keeps showing them off like this is the coolest thing going on in this story. The designs are presented like they somehow connect all these different things. Goten and Trunks were inspired by Cleangod, and they named their personas after Great Siayaman, and then Dr. Hedo saw them and supposedly based the Gammas' costumes off their look. Except X-1 and X-2 don't actually look anything like Great Saiyaman, or Cleangod, or the Gammas. It's just frustrating.

Anyway, we get the same bit about cosmetic skin alteration from the movie, except Gotenks has already separated in this version, so Bulma can address Goten and Trunks separately.

I also like this part after Pan shows off her flying ability. This segued into the credits of the movie, but here we see Gohan calling out for her to stay closer to the ground. It's pretty cute, since it kind of calls back to when Gohan was a timid child way back in the early days of DBZ. Now he's older and braver, but I bet when he sees Pan up so high in the air he thinks about how scared he was whenever he was up really high.

Meanwhile, some Red Ribbon goons have survived the battle and appear to be slowly getting away. This is nice because I noticed these guys escorting Carmine to safety in one of the previous chapters, and I've always wondered if any of the Red Ribbon guys made it out of the base alive. Pan knocked Carmine out, so it seemed reasonable to assume that he was vaporized during the Cell Max battle. Actually, in the movie, it looked like the entire crater was flattened, but here it looks like the destruction stayed confined to that area.

Anyway, the implication is that Carmine will return to Red Pharmaceutical and try to figure out his next move, but it seems unlikely that he could be much of a threat. Magenta's dead, the base is destroyed, and a bunch of their soldiers either died or deserted in this battle. Remember, even with the base and all those soldiers, Magenta still wasn't ready to make a big move. Dr. Hedo's androids were supposed to be his game-changing weapon, and now Hedo's turned against the Red Ribbon, so what can Carmine possibly do from here?

We get some additional material of the Goku/Vegeta fight in the movie. In the post-credits scene, they were practically moving in slow-motion and we only got to see the final blow. Here, we see Goku and Vegeta each land one last punch before the one that ends it all. These boys look all rowdy and badass and it's great.

When Whis finally responds to Bulma's messages, we get this cute shot of everyone sleeping in the back of her aircraft. Gohan talks about taking her to the amusement park, which seems kind of random, but it occurred to me that this might be setting up some filler story for Chapter 101. Like Gohan and Pan go to the amusement park for the day, and Carmine tries to kill them or something to avenge the Red Ribbon Army. That probably wouldn't be a bad idea, although I really don't want that to happen, because it sounds similar to the "Hedo vs. Goten and Trunks" stuff we had in Chapters 88-90. Everyone thinks Toyotaro has been champing at the bit to get done with this arc so he can return to his Black Frieza business, but for all we know he's been enjoying this whole bit, and he'll blow the next six months on filler stories with Goten and Trunks goofing around with Sgt. Nutz.

Anyway, this is the last page and this was the last little bit of the movie too, so Toyotaro has definitely run out of movie to adapt. Also, Bulma looks really cute on this page, so I wanted to add that to the record.

So that pretty much wraps things up, except for one minor detail. Where's the big twist?

I ran across this last month when I was checking to see if Chapter 99 would wrap up the arc or not. CBR.com did an article entitled "Dragon Ball Super Chapter 100's 'Unbelievable' Twist to Lead to "'Crazy Developments'" The story stems from comments made by V-Jump editor Victory Uchida, who was hyping DBS chapters 99 and 100 while appearing in an unboxing video for some reason.

The video is in Japanese, so I can't just pull out direct quotes from the man, so maybe this was all some big misunderstanding. Maybe it was a mistranslation, maybe Uchida got confused and was referring to material that wouldn't see print until Chapter 101. Or maybe he was just doing a standard hype job for his publication without thinking about what was actually in the magazine. After all, how can Chapter 100 have an "unbelievable twist" when it's doing a shot-for-shot repeat of a year-old movie?

So I assumed this meant there would be some sort of epilogue scene in the final pages, designed to set up the next arc. Sort of like how the last chapter of the Tournament of Power arc had the scene where the Galactic Patrol kidnaps Majin Buu. But Chapter 100 had no such thing. No Black Frieza, no Cell Max suddenly turning the tables on Gohan to win the movie, no mysterious appearance from Purple Turles or Red Bojack. Not even a lousy cameo from Platinum Cooler.

Does this make Victory Uchida an unreliable source of information? Or has he simply been misunderstood? I feel like his ridiculous yellow wig/hat thing kind of holds the answer to that question.

Anyway, the ultimate fate of Dragon Ball Super lies in Chapter 101 and beyond, but those stories will be printed in 2024, which means they fall outside the scope of this liveblog. So unless Toei or Shueisha has a new movie or anime coming out in the next eleven days, I'm done. This has been the 2023 Dragon Ball Apocrypha Liveblog. Good night, everybody!

[oneemo]

Man, I haven't used this account in forever, but I thought I would just give this post a shot in the dark.

I just wanted to say thank you. That's it, really.

I used to have a Twitter (key word: 'used to'), but due to some...circumstances, it is now deactivated. I won't say who I was, but I came across your thread of how Genshin didn't hit the same anymore. I won't give you my life story here, but honestly, I feel the same way. I came for the exploration and story, and well, given how everything is going down, and how it is being handled, I too, feel the same way as you. Whoever was in charge of it just...stopped caring, got laid off, or changed the projectory of the game.

I got into Nikke myself, and sure, it's a degenerate gacha, but it's kind of refreshing to have a skip button and characters being showcased regularly (repeat and new).

I don't know where I am going with this, or if I you will even see/read this, but I just wanted to just...thank you. For voicing your opinions, and being yourself. All the best with FGO. I myself quit Genshin a week before I deactivated my Twitter (when games become a chore that take up half of your storage, why keep it, you know). So I feel that feeling you do. Although we might be different people, and your outlook might have changed now, but to me, the game is a steaming mess, having crashed down from its grace in the starry sky above. After all, shooting stars have to land somewhere, right?

That's really it from me! I promise this isn't a spam or bot account; this was my old anime account back from the Hetalia days. I have a secondary, newer one now, but I'll keep quiet on what it is. This message might anger you in some way and to that, sorry! I just wanted to say that you are not alone in feeling the way you do, and I just wanted to wish you the best with everything. I took Alberose and ran from the game myself, if you cared to know. So take the characters you want and run with it also~! But if it brings back bad memories, just let them sit in the corner in a cardboard box labelled "for sale". Or something like that, I don't know.

I'm rambling now, so I'll let this go. Again, just...thank you, for being you and your lovely self. :) If you don't read this, well, at least I got my thoughts off of my chest after 3.5 weeks of thinking about it.

And if you do come and see this, well, hey! It's nice to meet you! I just wanted to put my blurb here, so uhhhhhh....

...Message in a bottle, go!!

omg, hello! i havent opened my tumblr in ages so I just saw this now. thank you for your kind words, i genuinely appreciate it. as for genshin, i haven't touched that game in ages lol. my stance is pretty much the same, genshin is not like Fate which I had been a fan of for YEARS so it was really easier to let go of. I still love albedo a lot tho and I do plan on continuing to make arts of him and such. but rn i have decided to actually create some stuffs on a fandom i've been for far longer.

I am now on bsky and goes by onemo (lol) and deleted my twitter amidst of the block button mess. I still dont regret that decision, I feel so free now. Feel free to say hi to me there too!

[cheesycokeart]

Rambling about scrapped projects so I don't feel like the work went to waste

I've only really made like, 3 little games. Which admittedly, I should be trying to make myself Finish more projects just so I can get more experience and be able to reliably work on something larger. Inbetween, I get the spark to make a buncha different ideas that usually don't get very far for one reason or another. I know this is a bad habit, and I'm tryin' to work on it.

Otherwise though, gonna talk about a few projects where I wanna show off what little work I did put in before deciding I was better off killing it, including a "follow-up" to Grenade Volley.

This is just some not-even-prototype-level stuff with myself rambling about things I wanted to do. So be warned before hitting read more!

Drivin' Breach

So this was started in part based on my desire to create something utilizing the Grenade Volley world with a more "safe" gameplay style. I absolutely love old distance games, like Learn to Fly, Kitten Cannon, Shopping Cart Hero, etc etc but I realized it wasn't a super common style of game these days so wanted to take a crack at making one.

I had the basics of it going and I was pretty proud of what I had artistically and in terms of tone. Ambitiously, I even wanted a fully animated opening cutscene, but in hindsight that might've been a bit much to try and pull off.

To try and set it apart, I imagined that one main hook would be having a wide variety of "special items" that you could used to propel yourself further, each one controlling differently for players that wanted some variety, and maybe even implementing individual upgrade lines for said special items. I wanted to make the "Magic Tail" item a buttplug tail.

After a bit of time of working I just realized things weren't coming together how I would've liked them to. Physics weren't quite satisfactory, I couldn't figure out how to implement gliders, and I wasn't super confident about balancing it to stretch the game out but also make it feel rewarding. Those combined with waning passion for the project just kinda killed it off. I was pretty proud of the art and stuff I did for it, though, and what I had going so far.

I also ended up applying some of the code (where the world moves around the player, allowing for infinite movement) to Downhill to Infinity!

(Also that shop music you here is Closed on Sundays by Mana Junkie, a CC3.0 track I found online)

Earth Servant Ms. Usagi

I was super enthusiastic about this one for a while!! I was stoked about the idea of making a game using Ms. Usagi because she was one of my many characters made with games in mind from the get-go. I ended up settling on this weird mix of Megaman-style, fast platforming, and stylish melee combat. Notice, though, the animations are not finished at ALL.

I wanted to push fun and snappy combat, encouraging the player to bounce between enemies while using environment and speed to their advantage. Think like a hectic anime fight where the main character is running around boppin' every bad guy while darting between them. A style meter was also applied, rewarding chained attacks.

To go over the moveset: Attacking from a standstill performs an uppercut, attacking in the air performs an air kick. If you only tap the attack button for the air kick, it stops Usagi in mid-air and keeps her close to the enemy. If you hold it, however, it will both put her current speed into the kick AND launch the enemy according to said speed. Holding down while attacking in the air will slam to the ground. She also has a blaster move that's especially good for continuing combos. For defense, I added dashing maneuvers and a block/parry inspired by MGR.

I still think this kick feels fuckin sick to pull off.

Few problems came up. First one was just plain ol' being scared of level design, but that one I coulda bruteforced through. More importantly at one point I took a break and went back to it later only to realize that it Wasn't Fun. Movement felt way too slippery, I wasn't making the fast momentum-based movement blend well with the fast combo-based combat. If I wanna do anything like this again, I'd have to figure out a better way to blend this.

Either way, I know for certain I'd LOVE to make a Ms. Usagi game in the future, I think she could make for something very fun and poppy and stylish.

BONUS

During one of the beta versions of Godot 4, I had short-lived thoughts of wanting to make a wave-based FPS to play with its 3D features. I wanted the game to have a gross, crusty aesthetic. It never got far at all, but I made a "gore harvester" machine for it and I still really like that thing. It was fun to draw such ugly textures.

[pbandjesse]

The first day of camp it was a pretty excellent day. But I am absolutely exhausted.

I slept really well last night. I had a lot of fun with James. And was feeling very happy.

I felt a little off this morning. A little dizzy. But I was fine. I got dressed and felt cute and happy. I was a little nervous. A little anxious. But looking forward to seeing my friends.

I had a nice drive out to camp. But I was not the first one there. Heather beat me. But it was just fine. She asked if I could go back out to Hunt Valley to get some people from the light rail. Can do. I would send Callie a text suggesting we throw my bedding in the block house we want to use so no one else can move in on us. And she said she would!

So I headed out. And it was a quick pick up. I was still back to camp before 9.

And it was so good to see everyone. Blanche and Remi made a big fuss about my new Crocs which made me feel very cool. I made a big show of putting them in sports mode (putting the strap down so they have backs) and said I was going to be a good influence with my shoes. Even though they are platforms and absolutely are not good for walking around camp. I still would! But my ankles were scared for sure. Thankfully I never fell but I did stumble once.

We would gather on the porch to get some info and directions for the day. I requested 4 people come to arts and crafts with me. And I had made a list but I still got stressed out with giving directions. I don't know why I was feeling so much stress. Mostly honestly it was because all my supplies are not here yet so making examples and creating the posters and collecting the materials felt impossible.

I tried though. I had the girls who came to help sorting beads and making examples and cutting fabric. And they were doing such a good job. I was struggling and kept having to run to the office to follow up on stuff and I was just all over the place. It wasn't in a bad way but it did feel a little bad.

But we did get a lot accomplished before lunch. I really appreciated them all helping and being cool about how flighty I felt.

At lunch me and Callie would go up to the block house and made up my bed. We talked about moving furniture around. And we made a sign for the door. Bonnie the cleaning lady was over there and we let her know that people are moving into them next week but we are already claiming this one so we will clean it. She let us know that the carpenter bees cause dust in this rooms. Not shocking, they are everywhere.

Me and Callie would go to Royal farms to get lunch. I had eaten the pizza James packed for me for breakfast so I would get a little sandwich but it honestly wasn't very good. The cheese tasted weird. The bread was to soft. Like it was just not correct. But at least the company was good. I was having fun just laughing with Callie and making plans and it was just really fun.

We got back to camp and ate our lunch at the art building. It was a beautiful day.

For the afternoon I sent some of the girls to homestead and the chickee to tidy up. The guys had taken the materials over to the sites earlier so that was very helpful.

I would go check on them and connect with Aaron after the office let me know he was here. He is going to be doing homestead this year. And I really hope he does a good job. We sat together down there for a bit and I explained what I am hoping for and what he needs to accomplish by tomorrow. Lists and writing out his lesson plans that he's adding and stuff like that. I need to make sure that they aren't overlapping with any other programs but I think it will work out fine. I just need him to not just make nature programs. Homestead is historical. Fingers crossed he gets the idea.

I would be at the office for a long time going over the materials lists. But eventually I went back to arts and crafts. We were having a weird interaction with a counselor who was just not helping. But also actively asking to just color or make bracelets? When I went back up to arts everyone else was cleaning and cutting cardboard and being super helpful. But this person was just. Sitting there. And when I went over to talk about what still needed doing, they asked for a coloring book?? Then I asked them to glue leather patches instead and they rushed through it and did such a bad job that I had to take it apart and I'll have to do it again tomorrow. This person went and laid in the hammocks that one of the girls set up and was just in their phone. It was extremely frustrating.

I let the office know about my concerns with this person. They had already been sent to me because they weren't helping in their original group. So this doesn't bode well for the summer. I hope they find a good fit for them.

I made another list for tomorrow. And went over it with a few people. Me and Callie would walk up to the block house to put a rug down and then to the office before we went home.

We ran into Mannie on the walk down and he asked if we were in the block house. He apparently wanted that one. But since it has the bunk bed he agreed it makes more sense for us to share it and hell take a lower one. But he has the saddest eyes. I hope he is okay with the lower one. If another one had bunk beds we would have picked that but only one of them was bunked.

Me and Callie would say goodbye. And I would go run some errands. First to Michael's to look for ribbon with pompoms. But no luck. I did get a bunch of half priced yarn for another idea I have. Then over to five below. Where they did not have soap again! Annoying.

Finally stop was at Marshalls. Where I did find the soap I wanted. And a little snack. I enjoyed looking around. But it was time to go home.

No real traffic today so that was nice. And I got home before 630. James was finishing their podcast and I would put things away and check on the animals. James had taken Crabcake out ack for two hours so he was already sleeping buried in substrate. I briefly dug him up to check on him. And went upstairs to hang out in our room.

Which is where I am now. James is making us dinner. They had come and laid with me and we talked about the day. I missed them. I love them very much.

I hope this evening is restful and tomorrow I can just have so much energy and feel very good. And to start that off I'm going to take a shower and be calm. I think it will be a very good night.

I hope you all sleep well tonight. Take care of yourselves. Good night!!

[dp-marvel94]

Fanwork creators self rec! When you get this, reply with your five favorite fics/art/podfics/etc. that you've made, then pass on to others. Let’s spread the self-love 🌼

(No pressure if you don't want to though!)

Hope you have a good day! ✨

This is too sweet! 🥺🥰🤗

In no particular order:

Face to Face should be a surprise to no one. I've been writing it for three and a half years. It's almost 280K long. I'm so proud of myself for sticking with it this long. A lot has changed in my life since I started this. Writing the story actually was very important to understanding and accepting myself as an autistic person. I'm in a much better place emotionally now. And I literally just have the epilogue left to write. 😭 I'm going to finish it after Invisobang, I swear!

Speaking of Invisobang!

This is the 76K monstrosity I wrote in three months for the first Invisobang. There was a lot of tears in writing it. I'm pretty sure I gave myself headaches just about every day with the stress I was putting myself under. Honestly, I never want to do that again. 😅😓💀 But there were a lot of emotions in there I think I needed to get out of me. It helped me deal with some things; there were a lot of emotions I needed to get out of me so I'm happy I wrote in, even if it hurt.

So apparently, I'm going to be a debby-downer for all these. :( This was the first multi-chapter fic I ever wrote, my first real dip into writing fanfiction (after a one shot I wrote near by birthday in 2018 to cheer myself up). I wrote it in the month or so after graduating from graduate school. I wrote with a fever and excitement I hadn't felt in a long time and my sister beta-read it with me, just as excited as I was.

*Religious discussion to follow*

Honestly this story saved my life. For the past year or so, especially the last semester of grad school, I was in the deepest depression and anxiety I've ever experienced. I kept running into road blocks in my research. Nothing was going the way I wanted. I never got to see my family; with my sister being my best friend (and still is) that was a big deal. I did many things I am deeply ashamed of and I felt so alone. And I was so angry at God for letting me get that deep. I felt like he'd abandoned me. I was convinced if He didn't even care about me at all. Which was absolutly earth-shattering for me; I'd never had my faith shaken like that. In all honestly, I came really close to leaving the church. I'd already checked out mentally. I stopped listening to Christian Music (yes even Disciple) because I couldn't enjoy it anymore; all those promises in the songs felt like getting stabbed when I knew that God had forgot about me.

The point, the depression and guilt and running from God (because I was running from Him; He never abandoned me) turned into a vicious cycle, driving my deeper and deeper, farther and farther away. Things only started getting better once I graduated. And something finally pushed me to start writing. And writing Double Discovery was the first step in climbing out of that depression and coming back to church. Or rather.... it was what Jesus used, completely oblivious to me, to start to pull me out of the pit and bring me back to Him. Looking back now, I have no doubt. God lead me to the DP community. He gave me the special interest I have, the passion, my talent for writing, the ideas. I remember praying (ie begging), before things got really bad and I can't even stomach the thought of talking to God, for Him to help me. It didn't come when I want it to or how I would have imagined or even wanted. But He did help me. He never abandoned me.

*End Religious Discussion*

Okay, these last two will just be fun, I swear!

I wrote this for my first Phic Phight. It's the first story of mine someone made fanart for. Check out this piece by @paenling

Another Phic Phight offering, this one from 2021. I had to include one of my numerous clone sibling stories. XD

[jayjamjary]

light and/or L for 6/9/25?

I'm alive againnnnnn! So I can finally answer this.

Okay so I wrote a lot and don't want to make people scroll a mile at least on mobile to get past this post so answers under the cut lol. I hope you like long winded paragraphs.

Also here's the thing I'm doing this from.

L 6, I've stolen so many of his mannerisms and my posture is worse for it. His moral code (made pretty clear in L Change The World) is one I like as well and reading that book helped me consider a lot of my own moral codes that are still kinda works in progress probably forever. I'm also rather logical with a side of social awkwardness and bluntness like he is. Obviously I'm not as smart as him (I don't know if that would even be possible????) but I know a lot and I'm good at analyzing information (except when it's social information. I can't read faces I can't read tone and I suck at understanding neurotypical people's behavior). I've also taken martial arts lol but just taekwondo not the capoeira-esque thing he does. Oh and I'm snacky. I operate best on too much sugar but also then I sometimes start shaking.

Light 6, Sometimes I have to stop myself from thinking I'm above everyone else. I only get in that mindset occasionally though, like once every few years and then I just have to humble myself by remembering I'm not that cool. I've just always been really good at school stuff, and, especially this year while taking AP Bio, it's hitting me that I'm Really Good At Some Stuff Compared To My Peers. Like top of the class and I do not study and I do almost all of my work last minute and then I draw on the notes in class when the teacher is lecturing. I'll keep thinking I'm going to fail a test or something and then we get it back and I'm the top or near the top of the curve. It's odd. Anyway, aside from academics, when I was younger and first watched death note, like Light, I also didn't understand how his method was bad. Because I was like 14 and hadn't considered morals much at that time. But I've been there so I understand. If I had that kind of power and hadn't had the opportunity to analyze his methods from and outside perspective, I could see myself doing something quite like what he did. Oh also, when I was little (like ages 5-12 maybe), I was a manipulative bitch. I've lost my edge though because. I can't read people and also I'm not terribly good at producing the correct tones myself anymore :p plus I'm smarter now and realizing lying willy nilly all the time isn't the best tactic. Oh, and right now, we almost have the same haircut. My hair's a little shorter on the side but that's it. K even have brown hair too.

L 9, that's a really interesting question to answer. I would think so but only under some conditions. He would have to minimize screen light (like from computers or phones) while I'm trying to sleep. Like cover the screen and his head in a blanket and block out the light from the rest of the room or something. Then uh he would need to share his yummy little sweet treats because they look yummy. If he doesn't want to share he just needs to learn which ones I don't like and get more of those. Which should be easy because I'm very picky (I don't like most chocolate, I don't like most cake, I don't like most pastries, I'm picky with cookies, etc.). I would also appreciate if Watari came along sometimes too. In L Change The World, L takes pretty good care of himself alone, but that was a crisis situation. In a normal situation he may be more inclined to let stuff slide for being able to work longer and I don't want him forgetting to shower or eat or sleep or anything. I could try to take care of him myself but idk if he would listen to me and idk if I would always have energy.

Light 9, Could I be roommates with him? Yes. Would I want to be? No. Well maybe. If we're talking Light with no Kira I think it'd be okay, but if we're talking Light with Kira that's a solid pass. Light with no Kira is a pretty okay guy, and I feel like he would learn to respect me even if he initially looked down on me for my generally alternative style and lack of social skills since I'm pretty smart and stuff. Not only do I think Light with Kira would be judgier but also I don't want to deal with his rehehehe shit. I don't want to live with a roomate who's constantly plotting and scheming and all that.

L 25, ahhh I watched death note for the first time like 4ish years ago so I barely remember. I think I liked him a bit, like I thought he was silly, but I was weirded out by how many shots of his feet rubbing together the anime had.

Light 25, once again, I remind the reader that I was young and dumb when I first watched the show so don't judge me here. I agreed that the world is a trash fire sometimes and I was pretty on board with Light's methods of dealing with that. I thought he was kinda an ass but that was it.

Thank you for asking me the silly questions and sorry for taking so long to get to them lol.

[docholligay]

Never Have I Ever

This is a short story collection I got as a gift quite awhile ago, and as one might expect it took forever for me to work it into my reading list because I’m just like this and I have 86 things I always want to read. 

Anyway, very glad this wasn’t a commissioned read, as I apparently have managed to lose the book somewhere between my room and pool deck, which is admittedly pretty impressive, even for me. I’m hoping it’s just under something back in the room. 

SO! Non-spoilery: This is a Filipino-American paranormal collection of stories, that leans heavily on the knowledge of FIlipino culture and creature. Like all short story collections, it’s definitely patchy, but comes in with some really beautiful stuff here and there. Yap seems to struggle a little bit with endings occasionally. 

SPOILERY: 

So I can’t actually decide if I liked this or not. Yes? But also no. I saw the pull quote from Tamsyn Muir on the cover and was like, ‘Oh great, when it came down to it, I did not like Gideon the Ninth. Fantastic” BUt there was a lot lot lot more for me in this book than Gideon. 

I CAN tell you that I wish I hadn’t been reading it poolside, because I don’t have a lot of exposure to Filipino culture and go I had to google a LOT for this collection, which I absolutely do not mind doing, I like to learn, but while I’m trying to relax in the hot spring, having to google a bunch of stuff to try and grasp the context of what’s going When I say this book requires a solid footing in Filipino culture, I mean, there are entire lines of dialogue, untranslated, in Filipino. 

It is patchy--A Spell for Foolish Hearts, for example, feels TOTALLY out of place in the collection, which is mostly darker in tone and subject, and then...we have a fluffy gay boy story in San Francisco. The story itself, while not being to my taste, isn’t BAD, just a bit saccharine--okay, a LOT bit saccharine, and it turns out he’s dating the mist of San Francisco and there’s a funky sitcom mixup that leads to a romcom style breakup and gag gag lots of you would LOVE this but it just ain’t for me-- but it feels like a friggin pothole in the interruption of the flow of the collection. The first story, which I can’t remember the name of, was, for me, very “yeah, yeah, the monstrous feminine, we’ve all seen it” and while it’s not terrible, I suppose, it doesn’t break any ground. Many of her stories end hanging, which is fine, but they feel unfinished in a way. There’s not a lot of great drop lines. Sometimes I think Yap gets real tangled up in THE MESSAGE I AM CONVEYING and it takes away from her truly good handle when she allows things to get creepy. 

Now, to stories I loved: 

Have you Heard the one about Anamaria Marquez?: This was a great story that really played into gossip and what it is to be remembered, with a fairly light touch of possession and belief. I loved the way the rumors about Anamaria’s ghost wavered from wildly ridiculous to plausible, in keeping with the ways that all high schools have a ghost and that ghost always has a tragic story. 

Asphalt, River, Mother, Child: This was maybe my favorite story in the whole thing, despite the fact that if someone accused it of being heavy-handed, I wouldn’t disagree. My friend actually said this story reminded her of my writing, which I found insanely flattering. Its about corruption and death and innocence and best intentions, and the exhaustion of compassion, how you can help so little, even if you are a goddess of sorts, but that small but still means something. 

Hurricane Heels: This is a grown up magical girl story! I could have written a variation on this idea, I fucking love it. I don’t even know that I think it’s the most artful story in the collection, but this was the story that made my friend decide to give this to me, and you know what? She’s right. 

How to Swallow the Moon: You see literally every beat of this story coming, if you’ve been around the block once or twice, but it kind of doesn’t matter. The only thing I don’t like about this story is that it’s written in second person, which is not the first time Yap does that. I don’t know if it’s to prove that she can, but there’s nothing about this story that fucking requires it to be in the second person. But, otherwise, it’s a beautiful and lyrical take on the whole ‘princess and handmaid’ type story trope, which really flattens how good I genuinely think the story is. The description in this story is as good as Yap ever gets in the whole collection, and I actually suppose if I had any other mild criticism of this story, which is once again a criticism of the collection itself, is, this story doesn’t fit. I actually think this would go better in a different collection, maybe one with Spell for Foolish Hearts, actually. I think many of y’all would love this one--nicely written stock fantasy beats, gay, happyish ending but not cloying. 

So, yeah, there we are! I guess I would say I DID like it, in general