#and then behind him is a monstera which is a plant I want so very badly but

[wigglebox]

Plants 🪴💖 [§]

[etherrreal]

"good growing"

Pairing: asahi x fem!reader Genre: fluff Summary: asahi walks into a plant shop and gets more than he bargained for. WC: 2,410 Warnings: reader's favorite color is pink A/N: I want everyone to send me guesses on how many plants you think I have 🥰 if anyone gets close enough (+/-5), I'll drop a picture of my plant set up 🌱 -Luna

I think this Monstera adansonii cutting can be repotted, you think, wiggling it free from the propagation station it was growing in. The roots are well past two inches long, and it's already spitting out a new leaf. You plop it into one of the empty nursery pots you have lined up on the counter behind you, having it join the Neon Pothos and Red Maranta waiting to be potted into new homes.

Potting up cuttings is probably your favorite chore at the plant shop you work at. Something about tucking the little stems into some dirt and preparing them for new homes made your heart happy. That was after you learned that naming them wasn't the best idea and only ended in you mourning little Millie the Watermelon peperomia after you handed her to a very young child who no doubt watered it to death.

A hand slaps against the doorway to your right, making you nearly jump out of your skin, muttering expletives under your breath. Your coworker Eri's head soon pokes out, a grimace already on her face. "Heeey, so, I have good news and bad news."

"Oh no. Good news first?"

"Okay, the good news is that our order of Calathea zebrina came in two days early!"

"That's great! Did some of them get damaged from the cold?" She shakes her head. "Did they tip out of their pots and get smooshed?" She shakes it again. "Then what's the bad news?"

"…They're already infested with spider mites."

You close your eyes, gathering what little strength you still have after working 6 hours already and being 2 hours away from closing. You open them to see your coworker staring at you with hands clasped in front of her chest and eyebrows pinched with worry.

With a deep sigh, you raise your right fist over your left open palm, ready to play a game of rock-paper-scissors with your coworker to decide who's going to do the easy job of writing and sending the email to the parent company to complain and who's going to shove on some gloves and deal with the mites. You're halfway through 'paper' when the bell above the front door rings signaling a customer's arrival.

It's a race between the two of you to slide in behind the register, but you win it, shooting a smug look at your coworker knowing the manager will ask her to be on pest control while you're working up front. If she glares any harder as she stomps to the back, you're pretty sure you'd be dead.

"Hello, welcome to Plant Parenthood! How may I help you today?" you call out to the man who walked in. He is incredibly tall, dodging many of the hanging trailing pants from above like he was walking through a jungle. Once he gets a few steps in, he stops and looks around frantically, looking a mix of lost and overwhelmed.

His dark brown eyes finally land on you, wide and desperate. "Um, I was looking for a small plant for my office."

"Okay! Does your office have any windows for natural lighting?" You ask, already sifting through your mental catalog of plant species.

"Yes, actually, I face an entire wall full of windows."

"Do you know what direction they're facing? East, West?" You both stare at each other for a bit when you realize that was definitely too complex of a question for a beginner. "Can you see the sun rise or set from your windows?"

"Oh, yeah! I can see it rise in the morning, sometimes."

Alright, we're getting somewhere. "So, you probably have an east-facing window which gets really good morning light and indirect light all day."

He cautiously nods, agreeing with you but also not quite knowing how that's important. It didn't matter, you were already roaming the store for the potential match.

You continue spitting out questions for him as you hover around the Calatheas. "Do you think you'd be more likely to forget about a plant and under water it or obsess over it and over water?"

"A mix of both, actually," he says, embarrassed. "I'll obsess over giving it the right amount of care that I'll hover over it every single day and be afraid of watering it in case I water it too much."

You pat the pot of the Calathea ornata, mentally wishing it well on living to see another day. "So you probably need something that can take a bit of healthy neglect?"

"'Healthy neglect?' How can neglect be healthy?'

You chuckle, looking through some well-established Golden Pothos plants. "Some plants can't take the constant babying. They'll sense your fear and keel over just to spite you, like Calatheas. You need a plant that can go a bit without watering and can sit nicely on a table and just /be/."

He hums, and that's when you tense up, realizing he's standing right behind you, looking over your shoulder at the plants on the table in front of you. He smells absolutely delicious. "What are those? Are they easy?"

He's close enough that you can almost feel how his deep voice rumbles. "Yes, and normally I'd recommend these to beginner plant people, but I think I want to find something that'll stay more upright and looks nicer on a surface."

You spot a potential option on a high shelf and start setting up the step ladder to grab one. You only get to take one step up when you see him easily grab one off the shelf without even having to try.

"Something like a ZZ plant. We have two kinds in right now, the classic green that you're holding or the Raven. Which fits more with your decor?" Reaching towards the back of the shelf, you grab a full planter of the Raven foliage and offer it to him.

He psychically weighed the two plants in his hands before handing back the green one. "I think the black one will look better in my space."

"Just so you know, when new stalks come in, they'll appear to be a pretty bright green. That's completely normal. They'll slowly become black as overtime," you ramble on as you're setting the plant back and climbing back down the ladder.

"We also sell cover pots if you want to put him in something more aesthetically pleasing?" You gesture to the table of handmade ceramic pots and saucers sorted in pastel rainbow order.

"Which one do you like?"

"My favorite color is pink, so I'd usually go with that, but what—"

"I'll get that one then."

Is he attempting to flirt? Or have you been single for too long?

You have to catch yourself before you stumble too far down that road. He could simply be too overwhelmed by choice and wants to just go with whatever choice is easiest. Or he's just one of the rare, nice customers who truly trusts your judgment and doesn't mansplain your line of work to you.

"Can I interest you in anything else?" you ask, to which he shakes his head and says 'no thank you.' You type in the product names and begin the checkout process before pausing for the customer information. "Can I grab your name for our system, please?"

"Yes, uh, first name is Asahi, last is Azumane."

"Mmhm, and your phone number?"

He lists off the digits of his number and you can't help the nefarious thought of coming back to his profile to grab his number and shoot him a text. But you must remain professional, and also, you really need this job to pay your bills.

You fill out the rest of the profile and tell him his total, flipping over the payment pad to have him pay. You turn around and busy yourself with writing a care card, not liking the fact that your boss allowed the option for people to add a tip when you only just do your job. It's created some unsavory reactions from people as if you're the one who decides what your POS system is and all of its features.

When you hear the beep from the pad indicating he paid, you turn back around to finish the card as to not be rude. "So, I'm creating a care card so you can have just some basic facts about watering and light needs. A ZZ plant practically takes care of itself since it has rhizomes built into its root system so it doesn't need much besides good light in front of your windows."

"And if I need to come back and get more advice?" You pause to look up at him, eyebrows scrunched in mild confusion. "I can come back and ask you?"

His apprehensive smile is sweet, and his eyes are so gentle and warm as they look at you. It trips you up expeditiously. "Y-yeah," you answer, flipping over the care card to the back and scribbling your name and number onto it before handing it to him, along with the bag his plant was in. "Or you can call or text me directly? You'll get a quicker answer that way, in case of emergencies."

"E-Emergencies?" He stutters, eyes widening like he may have overstepped boundaries. "Y-Yeah, of course. Emergencies only."

Ah fuck. You didn't mean to make it so formal. "Or if you have any questions. Or if you need to know if I'm going to be at work before you swing by. Or just—" you check for anybody at the doorway behind you. "—want to talk, I guess. I wouldn't be opposed to that."

You shoot him a bright smile, hoping to let him know that you reciprocate his interest. His growing smile tells you that he does get the hint, his hand purposefully brushing against yours as he takes the bag from you with a gentle 'thank you.' He wishes you well and makes his way out of the shop, not without glancing over at you once more with a smile so wide it makes you flustered.

With a hand holding your warm cheek, you take a quick moment to look at his client profile, trying to familiarize yourself with his number just in case he decides to call later instead of text. Curiosity gets the better of you and you pull up his order, eyes nearly falling out of your head when you see that he tipped you $20.

There's suddenly snickering coming from behind you and you turn to see Eri standing there with her hand over her mouth as if that'll disguise it. "Oooh, I'm telling your boss you were flirting with a customer."

"What's he going to do? Fire me? I'd love to see him try. There are only three employees here." You turn back to the propagations, grabbing the bag of soil lying on the ground to start potting. "Not to mention, I'd just tell him you used the system to get that one girl's number last month."

"Whoa, hey, let's not get too serious here. I was obviously just joking and will be getting back on spider mite duty while singing your praises to our employer," Eri says, backing out the doorway with her hands held up.

Asahi's face stays stuck in your mind for the rest of the work day, and you find yourself in between tasks cracking a smile at your interaction from earlier. You try not to hover over your phone too much—mostly because you don't want to get scolded by your boss—but you're feeling antsy.

The text doesn't come until later that evening once you arrive home from work, chiming as you set down your backpack and have one shoe kicked off. You grab for it desperately, face ID quickly opening up your phone so you can click the message notification.

[XXX-XXX-XXXX]:: Hello, this is Asahi from earlier. Just wanted to say thank you for all your help today :)

Then a photo comes in and while it loads, you're having a mini heart attack, hoping it's nothing inappropriate. Your feelings are quelled when it finishes loading and reveals a picture of the ZZ plant he purchased today, nestled in its new pink pot on what looks like solid wood desk. The view in the background is stunning. What looks like it could be floor to ceiling windows overlooks the city, the lights of buildings and advertisements blurred in the background.

[000-000-0000]:: It's settling in well! Can't wait to see it in the morning. Got any name ideas?

The smile on your face is so wide it starts to hurt. You jog over to your Raven ZZ plant that's sitting on your living room console table, holding up the green planter in front of your plant covered shelves lining the wall to snap a picture to send to Asahi.

[you]:: I named mine Morticia after the goth queen herself 🖤

[000-000-0000]:: That's a great name! I could name mine Gomez?

It's a bit embarrassing how the implication of your plants being a married couple that makes you plop yourself down on your couch and squeal into your hands, but there's nothing more attractive than a man who can flirt using your interests.

Once you've gathered yourself, you type out a response that hopefully doesn't give away how frazzled you are, and you spend the next 15 minutes exchanging messages with Asahi. It consists mostly of him asking about the plants he saw in the background of your photo and how you got into your hobby. Metaphorically, you're laying on your stomach and kicking your feet, feeling like a teenage girl again.

Although you don't want to stop the conversation, you feel like there's a layer of literal dirt on you along with a sprinkling of spider mites. You keep the conversation going while you put some leftovers to warm up on the stove and into the bathroom while you start getting ready for a shower. It vibrates once more before hopping in, and you decide to check once more.

[Asahi 🌱]:: Maybe we can grab some coffee and you can show me your favorite plant store? I have a lot of empty space in this office to fill and I need an expert to help me choose :)

[you]:: I'm in love with you

[you]:: wanna move in and fill OUR space??

[you]:: I'm an expert in other things, too 😉

[you]:: I'd love to! When are you free 😊

[borathae]

↳ Index [Chapter 39 - Trauer]

• Trauer (German, grief)

Pairing: Taehyung x f.Reader, Yoongi x f.Reader

Warnings: there are a few sweet moments, grief, tears, heartbreak

Wordcount: 8.4k

a/n: .... 

Taehyung woke before you. You know he did, because the spot next to you is empty and a little note was resting on his pillow.

“Good morning my sweetest darling. I am out to run some errands. Worry not, I will be back very soon. Look for me in the kitchen if you wake and I am not with you. With adoration Kim Taehyung.”

“You are all the poet Kim Taehyung, aren’t you?” you murmur, smiling.

After some well deserved stretches and dramatic yawns, you roll out of bed, making your way to the kitchen, wrapped up in one of Taehyung's dressing gowns because it was terribly cold in the estate. You blame it on the snowfall, which you can watch from the windows.

“Why the hell is the front door open?” you gasp.

Or perhaps that is the reason for the terrible cold. Snow has already found its way into the estate, a row of footsteps is digging its way through it, fading out on the carpet. A moment later, the owner of said footsteps enters the estate, face hidden behind countless bags of groceries.

“What’s that supposed to be?” you ask, hurrying down the last steps, “come let me help you.”

“Oh darling?” Taehyung peaks from behind the bags, “worry not, I can handle”, he says, hurrying down the hallway.

You follow him, shivering. The door is closed, but the cold is staying.

“Did you go grocery shopping?” you ask.

“Yes, I wanted to prepare something for you and noticed that the fridge was empty so I decided to fill it up for you.”

“Were you now?” you grin, “that’s sweet.”

You enter the kitchen, stopping in your tracks. While Taehyung is busy placing the bags on the kitchen counter and sorting through the groceries, you are busy staring at the dozens and dozens of houseplants on the kitchen island.

“What the hell? Claude? Frida? Everyone? What are you guys all doing here?”

Taehyung turns around with a shy grin on his lips.

“I worried they might die in your apartment”, he lowers his eyes, “I borrowed your keys and brought them here. I apologize if I acted against your will.”

You look at your plants. Most of them seem to be fine and the few which look close to death you are sure you can revive again. You look back at Taehyung, cheeks hurting from smiling so brightly.

"Is this your not so subtle way to get me to move in?"

He looks at his toes and shrugs his shoulders. 

"It would be a financially clever idea wouldn’t it? You could save up the money, which you would otherwise use for rent" he murmurs almost inaudibly.

 You grin.

“That does indeed sound financially clever”, you say, caressing the leaf of a Monstera, “I actually wanted to ask you if we could visit my place for my plants later today.”

Your eyes meet.

“Well, then I am happy that I could help you”, Taehyung smiles and turns around to busy himself with the groceries instead, “I am sure we will find a fitting place for all of them.”

“Yeah, I’m sure we will”, you murmur, heart fluttering.

You join him by the fridge, picking up a bottle of milk.

“What’s the matter my sweetest?” he asks.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Your heart is beating irregularly”, he explains.

You sneak a glance at him, realising that he is studying your face.

“You can hear that?”

He chuckles.

“Yeah, I know. Stupid question. It is just that….” you lower your eyes, “…Yoongi asked me too and I feel bad because I told him that I wanted to live in my apartment and, and I think he took it the wrong way. I don’t know, he didn’t want to tell me what’s wrong. But it’s just that…I can’t do…”

“Do what, my sweetest?”

You look at Taehyung, meeting patience in his eyes.

“Okay so uhm…” you take a deep breath, “Yoongi told me that I could move into Jimin’s wing if I wanted to.”

“Ah that, yes I heard.”

“You heard?”

He nods his head.

“And? What do you think of it? It’s too much, isn’t it?”

“I think that this is your decision to make.”

“But it’s your best friend’s wing. I don’t want to take this from you.”

Taehyung studies your face, carrying slight sadness in his eyes.

“But Jimin won’t use it anymore either way”, he whispers.

He draws closer and touches your lower back.

“I would rather you have his wing and fill it with life than watch it become covered in dust”, he says and smiles honestly, “so take it my sweetest if you want to, I won’t be angry at you.”

“Really? I don’t want to ruin this for you. It’s not fair of me to steal this from you.”

“You won’t. I would frankly be quite charmed if I knew you were the one who inherited his wing.”

“Really?”

“Of course”, he says and smiles, “although don’t you go thinking that this means you can escape my nightly snuggles. I will just visit you and kidnap you to my bed”, he says, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you off the ground to twirl around.

“Ah Tae”, you squeak, feeling so, so happy, “I’m going to be dizzy.”

Taehyung sets you down with a fond giggle, kissing your temple softly. Then he touches the back of your head, petting you slowly.

"Okay so, if I decide to stay in my apartment, would the kidnapping offer still stand?" 

Taehyung chuckles, "well the distance would be much greater…", he pretends to think deeply, making you giggle, "...but I guess this is a price I am willing to pay." 

“Well, if you’ll kidnap anyways, maybe I’ll actually move in with you”, you say, nudging his chest.

“I’d like that a lot”, he says, dancing his hand to your cheek. It feels so divine to have him touch your face, Taehyung’s fingertips are always so gentle with it. He gives you a fond eye smile and pinches your cheek beyond tenderly.

“And you’ll help me move in?”

“Of course, I’ll carry all those pesky boxes for you.”

You giggle.

“This is so sweet. Thank you Tae”, you whisper, beaming up at him, “I’ll tell Yoongi too and I’m sure he will be happy to hear it.”

“I’m sure he will”, he says, tapping the tip of your nose with his pointer finger, “boop.”

“Did you just boop me?”

“Mhm-hm”, he says, eyes softening, “you’re just so cute.”

“Taehyung”, you whine, flustering, “stop.”

“Hehe”, he boops your nose again, “now, let’s get back to work. Those groceries aren’t storing themselves away.”

You examine the contents of his shopping trip, feeling beyond flabbergasted at the masses of food.

“Good god, did you buy half of the supermarket?” you gasp.

Far too many vegetables and fruit, five different kinds of meat and even more types of cheeses. Three different kinds of bread, eggs, two bottles of milk, he even got pasta of all sorts and a big sack of rice.

“I didn’t know what you would enjoy, so I tried to get the biggest variety of foods”, he explains, storing away the cheeses.

“I can see that. Good god, this is going to last me for like five years.”

Taehyung sneaks a glance your way. He chuckles, giving the back of your head a little pat.

“Are you criticising my choices?”

“Maybe a little”, you tease, “that’s way too much.”  

“Now, now my darling, do not judge hastily”, he begins, “you see that wine over there? And those grapes and the baguette?”

You look at all of it, nodding your head.

“Yeah, what about it?”

Taehyung closes the distance between you and him, wrapping his arms around you.

“Shall we have a cheese platter tonight? With wine and grapes and fresh baguette?” he whispers against your ear before he kisses it gently, “I can rub your feet too if you desire or your shoulders, whatever you may prefer.”

“Are you trying to seduce me right now?”

Taehyung smirks lazily.

“Of course I am, we have much catching up to do”, he says, making you smile.

“Kim Taehyung, if I didn’t know any better, it seems that you are a hopeless romantic as well”, you tease, caressing his chest.

“I never claimed to be the opposite”, he says, giving your forehead a soft peck before he turns back to the groceries.

You chuckle softly. He is so cute sometimes. Then you busy yourself with making tea.

“Do you want a cup too?” you ask him, making your way to the water cooker.

“Yes, that would be lovely. Thank you very much.”

You watch him for a little as the water cooks. He is storing away the vegetables, humming to himself as he does.

“Did you already see the weather outside?” he asks you.

“I did, it’s snowed so much hasn’t it?”

“Yes, I was wondering if perhaps you and I could take a snow walk later.”

“Oh Tae”, you draw closer and touch him, “that would be so lovely.”

Taehyung turns, hooking his arms behind your head and placing his hands on the back of your head. He sways you and him from side to side, making it so one foot always leaves the floor. You follow his movements. It feels as if a million colourful butterflies were fluttering in your stomach. You and him are dancing in the kitchen again. This is like a dream.

“Then let’s do that”, he says and with just one twirl he makes you laugh into his chest.

“What are you doing Tae?”

“Dancing, I missed doing it with you.”

“Oh Tae”, you press out, hugging his torso tightly. He is wearing the beige jumper you so love on him. It is finally carrying his warmth in its fibres. You smile, closing your eyes. Your arms are closed around his waist so perfectly, his chest feels just a little firm and yet so terribly soft. And his sweet scent replaces the air in your lungs as his fingers run through your hair tenderly. This is truly like a dream. Those are the things you missed so much and now you can finally experience them again.

Taehyung begins singing then, his voice tickles your ear with his sweet voice, forcing tears of happiness to your closed eyes.

“Oh Tae…”

They are love songs of old times and from his lips they sound as if they were written just for you. As if Taehyung wrote the words himself and as if the melodies came to him in a moment when his thoughts drifted to you. And it reminds you just how wonderful it felt like to be loved by Taehyung. Safe, warm, certain and like home. Being loved by Taehyung is knowing that you can let yourself feel too. Being loved by Taehyung is being certain that he will cradle your heart in his safe hands as tenderly as he can. Being loved by Taehyung is dancing in the kitchen and listening to his singing while outside the snowfall was glimmering in the sunlight.

You melt closer until you couldn’t possibly get any closer. And Taehyung twirls you and him slowly, messing up the words upon hearing the way you giggle into him. He stops singing, burying his nose in your hair.

“Don’t stop”, you whisper.

“I forgot the words”, he confesses.

“Then sing something else, just don’t stop yet.”

“Something else. Let me think of something.”

Taehyung inhales your scent and thinks to himself that nothing will ever be sweeter than you. He twirls you just once and catches you again, melting in fondness when you melt back into him immediately. He thinks of his next song then.

“Now I know”, he whispers and begins serenading you about how falling in love with you has always been his destiny while you listen to him and find yourself getting lost in his voice. Taehyung truly has the sweetest voice. It embraces one like a safe hug after a long day. It warms one like a cup of mellifluous tea after a cold storm. And it brightens one’s darkness which moments ago had felt endless. This is how it feels like to have Taehyung sing for you. Safe, warm and comforting.

And when Taehyung finally finishes his song with a loving kiss to the crown of your head, you know that nothing can hurt you as long as you have Taehyung by your side. You lift your head from his chest.

“Thank you for singing to me, you have such a beautiful voice.”

“You think so? I barely even warmed it up.”

“Oh stop it, you were perfect.”

He smiles.

“You are flustering me.”

“Hehe”, you let out and get on your tiptoes to kiss his lips.

Taehyung would have deepened the kiss, maybe tilted your body back in a romantic gesture, hadn’t the tea clock interrupted you so awfully.

You gasp, flinching back.

You and him sneak a glance at the screeching clock.

“This fella always likes to interrupt us, doesn’t he?” Taehyung says, making you laugh for the sole reason that you are in love with him and everything he says is ten times funnier.

Still giggling and stealing kisses, you and him prepare your cups of tea. You share it in the kitchen, sitting on the kitchen island with your legs crossed whilst discussing the vastness of the universe and telling silly stories to each other. It was fun and made you happy. And in return it made Taehyung feel so alive that he had to check for his pulse after each laughter you stole from him.

Now you are all bundled up in thick coats and soft beanies. The snow crunches under your feet and the air was cold enough to show your breath in white clouds. You and him had walked quite far from the estate already. In the close distance you can already see the frozen over lake. It was so utterly perfect, that in moments where you noticed that you hadn’t let any thoughts plague your mind, you had to make sure that you weren’t already fast asleep. But you weren’t. This was finally your reality again and nothing can take it from you again.

“I’m so excited to see the lake”, you tell him.

“Don’t tell me that you spent so much time here and you have never seen the lake”, Taehyung gasps.

You shake your head.

“I wasn’t really allowed to leave the estate.”

“Well, that is just terrible”, there was the first indicator of anger in his voice.

You round him, getting in front of him. His waist fits perfectly between your fingers, his eyes run over your face instantly.

“Don’t be angry. I’m glad I didn’t see it yet, I wanted to share this first with you.”

The anger vanishes from his face, a smile tugs at the corner of his pretty lips.

“How can I be angry when you tell me such sweet things?”

You give him a cute grin then claim your spot next to him again, hugging his arm and resting your cheek against it. The snow begins crunching again as you continue your journey through the winter landscape. It may not be morning anymore, but the air still smelled like it. Taehyung’s favourite scent. A crisp winter’s morning after the snow had freshly fallen. It mixed with the scent of him and the distinct smell of pine trees.

It smelled different once you reached the lake. Taehyung was still in the smell, the pine trees as well, just as the cold and the snow, but there was something else. You can’t quite describe the smell, but you know that it made breathing easier and for your cheeks to feel colder. It wasn’t a bad type of cold, but the type of cold that makes you want to cup your face once inside so you can get just one last memory of the long walk you took. You love that type of cold, it slows down your thoughts and heals your lungs and today it heals your heart as well because you can experience that cold with Taehyung.

He sighs beside you, gazing at the frozen lake with sparkling eyes.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” he asks you.

“Yes it is”, you agree, staring at his face.

And then you finally take your first look at the lake. It wasn’t the smallest, but it wasn’t the biggest either. It was perfect for its location. You can see the trees on the other side, they look black against the white snow, seeming so out of place now that it was unclear where the water ends and where the  land begins.

“The trees look like dots of ink”, you tell Taehyung.

“Oh yes, they do.”

There were willow trees on the lakeside you were standing by. Their leaves have fallen, the whitest snow has taken their place. Every now and then, the softest of breezes made the fragile branches dance and for some of the snow to blow away. It was a calming view and the quaintest of rustling accompanied it.

“Were you ever on the other side of the lake?”

“Oh yes, I was. I walked to this family of trees on many occasions. They are perfect to paint under as they shield the sun for hours”, he explains, pointing at them.

They seem to be conifer trees. You can’t quite make out which kind. But they were tall and looked old and you are sure they smelled amazing as well.

“I see. That sounds nice.”

High conifer trees framed the east side of the lake. You know them to be the owner of the sweet conifer tree smell. The west side of the lake was framed by high reeds. Only a few were currently still standing while the rest of them gave up under the weight of the snow. You also know that one won’t be able to walk there once the ground thaws again, which means Taehyung must have walked to the other side through the tense conifer forest.

“I’m really looking forward to see it during warmer months. It must be so beautiful.”

“Oh yes, it is. You can swim here in the warmer months, the water is perfectly clear and very refreshing. You know, I spent many days here. Jimin and I always made bets about who could reach the other side first and the winner would always get treated to delicious food by the loser. I am really looking forward to….” Taehyung falls silent, clutching his chest.

“Taehyung?” you ask him.

“I can’t do this with him anymore, can I?”

“Oh my love…”

Taehyung forces himself to smile, but his eyes fill with tears.

“I always hated the competition because Jimin always cheated and often times I ended up calling him names”, he says and laughs just so he couldn’t sob, “I wouldn’t do this now. If he wanted to make a bet right this moment, I would jump into this icy lake and swim and I would let him win”, he hits his own chest, “I would let him win and when he would begin boasting about how much faster he was, I would hug him and never let him go again.”

Taehyung whimpers into his own hand, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I should have hugged him much more often.”

“Oh Tae”, you whisper, caressing his back.

“Maybe if I hugged him more, he would have never fallen that deeply into Namjoon’s grasp.”

Taehyung sobs and it breaks you.

“My sweetest, oh god, Tae”, you croak, hugging him tightly.

He sobs for quite some time and he knows that it won’t feel easier once the tears stop. So he forces them to stop. He forces them down because it wasn’t time yet for him to cry. He needed to talk. He needed to share the legacy of his friend with the world. He has to do this before letting the tears take over. This is what he owes Jimin. His story. He may have failed at saving his life, but Taehyung will be damned to let the world forget about him.

So he swallows heavily and reaches inside his coat. You watch him with halted breath. Taehyung pulls a small bronze sculpture free. It is just a little bit bigger than his hand and showed a ballet dancer. The body and face resembled Jimin, but you don’t dare to tell Taehyung that. You don’t want to break his heart even more. So you look at it and stay silent, waiting for him to speak.

“I wanted to give this to him on Christmas. It’s supposed to be him”, he whispers.

So you were right.

“Oh Tae. This is really beautiful”, you answer him quietly.

“Thank you”, his voice quivered in tears as he spoke. He brushes his finger over Jimin’s face once and then presses it against his chest, “I wanted you and him to be friends”, he confesses and sobs.

“Sweetheart, this is…”

“When he was still….here”, he whimpers, squeezing the statue closer, “….I spent many nights imagining all the adventures the three of us could go on together. He would have liked you, because you are the loveliest person on this earth and, and you would have liked him too, because he always told the silliest of jokes. But now we will never get to go on any of those adventures.”

“I’m sorry Taehyung”, you whisper because you didn’t know what else to say. A friendship with Jimin seems so unreachable to you, but maybe Taehyung was right. Maybe you could have liked him if only you had more time.

You follow him as he walks to the willow tree. He takes a look at the sky, inhaling deeply while tears stream down his icy cheeks. Then he looks at the ground and exhales. He kneels down, despite the snow covering his pants, and places the sculpture under the tree. He strokes his fingers over Jimin's face as he pulls his hand away. He doesn’t quite find it in himself to stand up yet, staring at his friend’s face with teary eyes.

So you place your hand on his shoulder, hoping that it can give him enough strength to get through this.

“He had so much good inside of him”, he whispers, “it was just hidden under layers and layers of fear and guilt.”

“Really? You think that he was capable of that emotion?”

Taehyung looks at you in a mixture of annoyance and sadness.

“He must have been. Even I felt a hint of guilt in my heart when I had my humanity off.”

“That is because you were a decent person even back then.”

He shakes his head, “no, I really wasn’t.”

He turns away and traces Jimin’s bronze face. You stay quiet, touching his back to let him know that he wasn’t alone. You haven’t been silent for long when Taehyung speaks again.

“Perhaps you are right”, he says, “perhaps Jimin really didn’t know guilt and perhaps all the good I saw in him was nothing but my wishful thinking. Perhaps-“

He sighs.

“-perhaps I simply wanted it to be true, because I wanted to save him”, he confesses quietly.

“Mhm."

Taehyung doesn’t seem to stop any time soon. As if he finally wanted to say all the things, he had to share with solitude for too long, to another person. And you didn’t want to interrupt him by talking too much.

“But I don’t think that he was an evil person”, he whispers, “wicked perhaps and most definitely violent, but he wasn’t evil.”

“What makes you think that? Didn’t he do terrible things to you?”

“Oh indeed he did”, Taehyung agrees, nodding his head, “but…” he sighs, “…perhaps he had no choice but to.”

“What do you mean?”

“You saw how Kim Namjoon treated me. How he hurt me and controlled my mind. What if…” he looks at you, “what if Jimin was manipulated as well?”

“Do you really think so?”

He nods.

“In the nineteenth century I lived in France for a few decades. I spent many years on a cheese farm, learning all about the craft.”

It confuses you for a second. You are staring at him, asking yourself what this had to do with anything. But you won’t ask him. Taehyung must have his reasons for telling you this story.

“Really? Gosh you must have looked so cute as a farmer”, you say, squatting down beside him.

He shakes his head.

“I must disappoint you, it was quite the grubby job. I didn’t smell that marvellous either. But I loved the simplicity of life. I had a routine each day and tasks to fulfil and at night I could watch the moon from my room. I was really happy back then, even if I didn’t have my emotions on”, he gnaws on his lower lip and sighs. He averts his gaze to nothing in particular. Silence. His eyes race from left to right as if he was reliving a memory. He laughs breathlessly, just once. Then he speaks again.

“Jimin was really happy too. He laughed a lot back then and somehow all the cats seemed to love him dearly. He was always seen petting one or the other”, Taehyung smiles sadly at the memory, touching his aching chest. It doesn’t lessen the pain, it just makes him aware that it will always be there.

“One night, Namjoon visited the farm because he was in the country and wanted to see his old friends. He left the next day without an explanation and all of a sudden, Jimin didn’t approve of my appreciation for the simple life. He killed everyone on the farm that morning and broke both of my arms as punishment for being too human.”

A shiver runs down your spine. You hadn’t expected such a turn of events.

“Good god, this is terrible.”

“Oh yes, indeed it really is”, he agrees and yet as he exhales and later inhales you can hear the sadness in that sigh. You touch his spine, tracing it with your fingertips.

“I hated him for what he did and never understood why he did it. But I think I finally do. All those times Jimin hurt me and insulted me or took away the things which made me happy, he was just acting as Namjoon’s little puppet.”

“This is terrible.”

Taehyung whimpers as if a new memory was plaguing his mind. He hides his trembling lips behind his hand and squeezes his eyes shut. So you hug him and hope that you can lessen the burden of whatever was tormenting him.

“When he was, was…was”, he doesn’t get to finish the sentence, but you know what he wants to say. When he was dying. “…he showed fear. ___, Jimin was scared. In my four hundred years of knowing him, I have never seen him scared before and yet in this moment I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice”, his eyes are widened in emotion, “he told me that he was scared of dying a-and that he was sorry for hurting me.”

“What? Are you serious?”

Taehyung nods and reaches inside his coat to get something. After a second of rummaging he has found what he had been looking for. With held breath he stretches his arm out and opens his palm.

“My ring?” you gasp and take it to slip it on, “but Jimin took it from me. How did you find it?”

“He handed it to me on the night of the battle. He told me that it was mine and that I should have it.”

“He did?”

Taehyung nods his head.

“I don’t understand. Why would he give it away?”

“I have raked my mind for an answer countless nights and yet I wasn’t able to find one. Perhaps he had wanted to test my loyalty to him”, he looks out at the snowfall, “these days I like to believe that it were his emotions shining through”, he smiles sadly, “although I do not know if this lessens the heartache.”

You hold his hand and draw closer to him.

“Taehyung I’m so sorry”, you whisper, resting your cheek against his arm.

Taehyung sobs painfully.

“Oh Tae”, you hug him tightly.

“What if we could have saved him? What if Namjoon was the one responsible for Jimin's cruelty? What if Jimin killed all those people on the farm because Namjoon told him to do so? What if he hunted you because he feared that if he didn’t, Namjoon would hurt him? What if he was as much of a victim of Kim Namjoon's cruelty as I was?”

He sobs loudly, thanking your arms around him because without them he would have already broken into a million pieces.

“I keep asking myself those questions”, he confesses shakily.

You turn your head, looking up at him. Taehyung is looking down at you, eyes filled with incredible sadness. He closes them, resting his forehead against yours. You cup his cheeks, caressing them soothingly. It hurts to see him like this and you hope that this simple touch can comfort him a little. Taehyung settles further into your embrace, burying his nose in your hair for just a moment to get a glimpse of your smell. He has never told you before, but your scent calms him like nothing else in this world.

“Jimin loved once”, he whispers, “he told me that she was the most beautiful woman who ever graced the earth.”

“He did? What happened?”

“He killed her. She was the first person he killed after being cursed with vampirism.”

“Oh…damn, that must have been terrible”, you murmur.

Taehyung stands up and turns back to the lake and you keep close to him, hugging his arm.

“Jimin didn’t quite say. He didn’t have his emotions on as he told me about her, but his voice carried a certain sadness to it”, he looks at you, “also he told me that he decided to turn off his humanity that night, so I assume that yes it was quite terrible.”

He lowers his eyes and inhales shakily.

“It was Namjoon, who tempted him.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Jimin was of royal blood. When he was still human, he ruled over a country, which has long vanished these days. He loved his people and in return his people loved him.”

“Really?”

“Yes, he was known for his kind heart and beautiful singing voice”, Taehyung chuckles sadly at the second fact, eyes lowering. He is so close to crying again, if you weren’t holding him right now, he would have already broken.

“What happened? Did vampirism turn him mad?”

“Of course it did.”

“Did Namjoon turn him?”

“Yes”, Taehyung takes a deep breath, “war soon reigned over his kingdom. Food became sparse and his people were outnumbered. Jimin was desperate until one night he heard a rumour.”

“What rumour?”

“Of a demon living in the mountains. It was said that the demon was powerful and could grant one's every wish, even the ones which seemed impossible. So Jimin kissed his sweetheart goodbye and went on a journey to the mountains to find the demon and beg him for victory in battle.”

“The demon was Kim Namjoon wasn’t it?”

“Yes”, Taehyung clenches his jaw, “he manipulated Jimin into drinking his blood, promising him inhuman strength and victory over his enemies”, Taehyung balls his hands into fists, “they were nothing but empty promises. Kim Namjoon was bored and merely wanted a new puppet to play with. Once Jimin drank his blood, Namjoon broke his neck. And so Jimin was cursed to become the monster he so hated to be.”

“This is awful”, you murmur, having spoken nothing but the truth.

"And that is why…" he pauses, hitting his own chest with his fist repeatedly as his eyes raced from side to side, "...that is why….why…" he whimpers and lowers his head. He stops hitting his chest, twisting the fabric of his coat instead.

“I know I am the only person, who saw his potential for redemption, but Jimin deserved a chance at a happy ending", he whispers, pressing out a painful sob, “one of the last things he said to me was do you think I’ll find peace a-and I couldn’t even tell him that – that I, I hope he will. I couldn’t even tell my best friend that I wish him nothing but peace”, he sobs.

You hug him closer, kissing his upper arm.

“I feel so awful”, you confess, “you are right, Jimin deserved a happy ending.”

“No, don’t”, he pulls his arm free, “pretend to feel sorry for my sake. I can’t stand lies.”

“I wasn’t lying. I am genuinely sorry.”

“Do you mean that?”

“Yes, I do”, you say and nod your head, “you know, in the times we were separated and you believed me to be dead I met Jimin. He wanted to save you and asked for my help. Jimin really cared for you and I believe that if someone cares for another person so much that they would literally do everything to save them, they deserve redemption. And I am sorry that I didn’t run faster and save him too.”

You know that Taehyung is listening to your heartbeat. You know that he knows that what you were saying was nothing but the truth. He exhales shakily, lowering his head.

“You are the first person to tell me this, I appreciate it with my entire heart.”

“Don’t mention it”, you say and close the distance between you and him. You drape an arm around him, “I meant it, when I told you that I will cry with you, I meant it.”

“Thank you so much, my sweetest ___”, he whispers and lets his head rest against yours.

“Don’t thank me Tae”, you answer him and allow your eyes to flutter closed.

The silence you share with him is healing. Taehyung doesn’t feel so terribly broken inside anymore. He had wanted to tell his best friend's story countless times and yet he never could, always meeting distaste and lack of empathy. Now that he finally has someone to share his best friend's true legacy with, he feels like a part of himself, he thought could never heal, is finally starting to heal.

“I know that my words can’t bring much comfort”, you break the silence, “but I am sure Jimin is currently smiling from wherever he is watching you. And that he is happy that you are free of Namjoon."

“Do you think so?”

“Yes, also I’m sure he found peace, now that he is free of those awful urges and of Namjoon’s terrible compulsion, maybe he even reunited with his sweetheart.”

Taehyung laughs, although it sounds more of a sob than a laugh and when you open your eyes to check if he was crying, tears are rolling down his cheek. You cup his cheeks in an instant, drying his tears with soothing touches.

“Jimin would love this so much”, he sniffles, melting in your hands.

“Yes? Then they are probably cuddling each other really tightly as we are speaking”, you say before you decide to pull Taehyung closer to you to cuddle.

He looks at you, wearing warmth on his features. Oh, how you had missed this sight.

“I really hope he is”, he whispers, caressing your cheek with the back of his hand, “thank you so much, I know that Jimin caused you great pain and that you despised him. So I am beyond grateful that you allowed me to talk about him.”

“No need to thank me, I am always happy to listen to you”, you assure him, painting adoration onto his features.

“So am I”, he promises you, pausing for just a moment to seal it with a chaste kiss.

 You stay another hour by the lake. Taehyung told you another story about his best friend and sobbed in your arms. And you promised Taehyung to help him with making a proper grave for Jimin once the weather was warmer again.

You walked back in silence because you knew that Taehyung needed it.

That silence gets broken once you are inside.

You and him have barely finished slipping off your outdoor clothes when Jungkook runs to you and him.

“___!”

You heard it. Taehyung heard it.

“___! There you are! ___!”

He sounds out of breath and in distress. Jungkook stumbles to you, almost falling to the ground if Taehyung hadn’t caught him before that.

“___!” he blurts out, big eyes staring at you.

“What is it, Kook?” you ask.

Jungkook needs a moment to catch his breath, panting with his hands resting on his knees.

“He-“

Panting interrupts him, he is coughing.

“What happened, Jungkook? Who are you talking about?”

“They are all dead.”

“What?”

“They are all dead. He killed them. Every single one of them.”

“Who? Jungkook, who?”

“Yoongi!” Jungkook raises his head, “the prisoners are all dead. He killed them all.”

“What is this insanity you are speaking of?” Taehyung asks.

“They are dead, you guys. I was on my way to the kitchen when I noticed that the door to the cellar was open. At first I thought you must be down there again, visiting Taehyung until I remembered that he was supposed to leave prison already.”

Jungkook swallows and brushes his damp hair out of his face.

“So I went downstairs, thinking to myself that maybe Yoongi is cleaning the cells or something.”

Jungkook exhales shakily.

“They were all dead when I reached them. Hearts ripped out, all of them.”

“Oh god, no”, you gasp, stumbling.

Taehyung supports you, pulling you closer to his body.

“Jungkook, where is he now?” he asks the younger vampire.

Jungkook studies Taehyung for a moment before he shakes his head.

“Tell us”, Taehyung stresses but Jungkook shakes his head.

“I can’t, because I have no fucking clue where he is.”

“What?”

“That’s the problem here, the prisoners were dead but Yoongi was nowhere to be found.”

“Jungkook, what are you saying?”

“He is gone ___!” he says, voice raised in emotion, “gone.”

“No”, you shake your head, “not again. I-I’m sure he is in his wing. Or out hunting. He can’t be gone again.”

Taehyung grabs your hand then, “let’s find out. Come now guys, let’s find our friend.”

You search every corner of the estate first, calling out his name over and over again until your voices ached in strain. Taehyung searched the forest in the meantime, as he was the oldest he was also the quickest. It made only sense that he would be the one haunting the estaste’s gardens until he found the one ghost always wanting to escape.

You and Jungkook meet first, almost colliding with each other in the kitchen.

“Fuck! Kook! Don’t sneak up on me like that”, you gasp, holding onto his arms for support.

“I can’t help it. I’m sneaking even if I don’t want to sneak”, he defends himself, pulling you back to your feet.

“Have you had any luck?” you ask him then.

“No”, he shakes his head, “I’ve looked everywhere. He is gone.”

“His wing then, it’s the only place he could still be.”

“Or the forest. ___ was it the cleverest idea for Taehyung to look for him? I heard how they were fighting over you.”

“Jungkook…don’t-“, you shiver in fear, “-say something like this.”

“It’s the truth. What if you put too much trust in Taehyung? He could easily get rid of him and tell us that he couldn’t find him.”

“Stop!” you spit, “I won’t hear such nonsense. Taehyung cares for Yoongi just as much as we care for him! He will find him and if he does, he will make sure that he will return home safely.”

“But what if-“

Cold air twirls around your legs. You and Jungkook turn. Taehyung is standing in the doorway, body covered in snow.

“I couldn’t find him”, he says quietly.

“Have you looked everywhere?” you ask, closing the distance between you and him to wrap him up in your arms.

Taehyung gives you a soft hug, allowing you to pet his hair.

“Yes, I ran from east to west and south to north and then back again. He was nowhere to be found.”

“I swear to god if you did something to him”, Jungkook growls, stepping closer.

“Jungkook!”

“What?” Taehyung gasps, “you think me capable of hurting my friend?”

“It wouldn’t be the first time you hurt someone.”

“Jungkook!”

“No, my sweetest it is alright”, Taehyung assures you.

He steps closer to Jungkook, placing his hand on the latter’s shoulder. Jungkook shakes him off, doing so with a quiet grunt of disapproval.

“I have known Min Yoongi for more than three centuries and while we were fighting over the silliest of things most of the time, he is one of my dearest friend. And while he was bad tempered and perhaps a little rude most of the time, Min Yoongi's heart has always been made of kindness. I would never dare to hurt him.”

Jungkook scoffs and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“Well, where is he then?” he challenges.

“Have you looked in his wing?”

“No, we were waiting for you to come back.”

“Then let’s look for him", Taehyung says and grabs your hand.

You run down the corridors, calling out Yoongi's name. Only the silence of the night greets you. Jungkook checks Yoongi's bedroom, you can hear his panicky voice bounce off the walls.

“He is really frightened isn’t he? I can smell it”, Taehyung says, hurrying through Yoongi's music room with you.

“Yoongi promised to train him so Jungkook could control his urges.”

“And now he is frightened that he may never come back?”

“Yes”, you answer him. 

"I can help him too, you know? I had to struggle with my urges as well once, for many decades actually." 

You send him a smile, "I'm sure he will appreciate your help", you say and grab his hand, “come on now, he isn’t here.”

Taehyung follows you down the hallway. You meet Jungkook in the middle. He looks even more distressed than before.

“Nothing?” he asks.

“Nothing.”

“Fuck”, Jungkook presses out, hands shaking by his side, “___ I don’t wanna do this again. First Seokjin and Hoseok leave and now Yoongi is gone too.”

You hold his hand, squeezing it tightly, “we are still here.”

“No, you are gonna leave too.”

“We won’t”, you promise him, “and neither did Yoongi. I am sure he is in his office. Come now, let’s get him.”

 The door opens. Darkness greets you. Darkness and loneliness. The lights flicker on.

The three of you take a step closer to Yoongi's desk.

“Letters?” Taehyung asks.

Three of them were sitting on the table.

“That one has your name on it”, Jungkook says, looking at Taehyung.

Taehyung picks it up and opens it.

“And that one has my name on it!” Jungkook gasps, reaching for his letter with shaking fingers. You can hear him open it beside you and start reading.

You however are mesmerised by the only letter left on the table.

It carried your name.

You reach for it with held breath, heart feeling numb in your chest. You twist and turn it twice before you finally decide to open it.

Hello my princess,

it seems that you have found my letter, which means you have also realised that I am gone.

It makes me laugh, thinking about how you will call me a coward, a traitor, perhaps even a selfish prick. You did really love that name, didn’t you?

There were days where I really hated that name and the anger you felt for me. Right now I would love to experience it one more time just so I could get one last glimpse of you.

And it also makes me cry, because I know.

I know that you are right. With everything.

I am selfish.

I kept you close to me, gave you excuses of the world being too dangerous for you, wanted to control you and told you that I was only doing this to keep you safe. And I made sure that a part of you would always need to depend on me.

I wanted to be close to you, because honest speaking, you were the only happiness I felt in this godforsaken world.

But instead of telling you how I felt and giving you the choice to be by my side willingly, I controlled you.

You don’t have to believe me, but I am truly sorry.

I am so sorry, princess.

You can be sure of one thing however, I always wanted what was best for you.

And that is why you are reading this letter instead of hearing those words from me, because if I talked to you right now, I would selfishly throw you over my shoulder and run until the world ends and I shouldn’t do this to you.

All my life I tried not to feel anything, to not care about anything because if I did, I would have something to lose, something to be afraid of. And right now, as I am sitting here and writing this cowardly letter, all I’m afraid of is losing you.

I am so scared and I want to stay with you. I want to watch you smile and hear you laugh, smell your sweet scent, taste your kiss and feel your touch, but I can’t anymore.

Not anymore.

Kim Namjoon is still out there, hurting people. I have to stop him. I saved him from certain death and I will regret doing so until I draw my last breath. If I hadn’t, the world would most definitely be a better place. All the suffering and pain my stupid decision caused. I can’t keep closing my eyes to the truth. I can’t keep running away from my mistakes.

Instead I will chase them down. I promise you this. I will not rest until I have found Kim Namjoon and ended all the suffering he caused, even if this will take me my entire lifetime to achieve.

I spent my entire vampire life hating myself. And I am not telling you this because I want to gain your sympathy. This is simply yet another cowardly attempt to prolong the truth I actually want to tell you. I am coward enough to need five sentences of unnecessary rambling to finally get to the point. You can skip this part if you want to, I wouldn’t even blame you if you did.

You asked me once if I have ever truly looked at myself in the mirror and I couldn’t answer you because the truth is, I despise every image of myself. Be it a painting, a photograph or the fleeting image of a reflection. When I look at myself, all I see is the reason why so many people are suffering.

And you made me better at it. That time after our morning together I looked at myself in the mirror and for just a second I didn’t hate what I saw.

But I realised by now that this was nothing but a dream, an illusion I created in my head, because the reality is that I will always be the vessel for pain and suffering.

Goddamn, I fed you my blood. I did the one thing I never wanted to do to you. Not to you, you were never supposed to have my blood. I’m not beautiful, I’m a monster and you were right to be scared of me.

And I’m so sorry. This is what I truly want to tell you. I am so incredibly sorry. Please, if you can't forgive me for anything else, please forgive me for doing this horrible, awful thing to you. I know I am asking a lot of you and I’m sorry that I do.

And now I have reached a point in my letter, where I have said everything I have wanted to tell you and yet I can’t bring myself to end it. So I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, wondering how I should end it.

How do I end something like this, when deep down in my heart I want to rip it to shreds and run to you instead? How do I end something so beautiful? How do I end the only goddamn happiness I have in my miserable life?

Well, perhaps I should end it with thank you.

You asked me once what my favourite scent was and I answered you that only an idiot has a favourite scent. And for the longest time I believed this to be true.

I guess I became an idiot because these days there is nothing sweeter to me than the scent of your happiness. So in a sense, you are my favourite scent. I realised that much about myself.

Truly, I feel like laughing at myself for writing such silly stuff, but I just had to tell you so you would always know.

I guess that is what I am doing here. I am telling you all the things I was too cowardly to say to your face. I am telling you because I hope that you will finally get to know me.

You know, I hated nothing more than people knowing me. Being known meant having power over them. The power to break them when I had to abandon them. And for the longest time I hated nothing more than your questions about my person. You wanted to know me and it scared me immensely.

I liked to be cold to people because it meant that eventually they would give up trying. Who would continue wanting to know someone as sick and twisted as me? Every sane person would give up eventually and I didn’t blame them. Quite honestly I expected it. Perhaps I even hoped they would.

But you didn’t give up on me. In your stubbornness, you didn’t give up and showed me sides of myself even I had forgotten about. You showed me that I can be kind and that I can be gentle and that I have silly things like a favourite scent or a favourite sound or a favourite type of silence. And I am so glad you didn’t give up on getting to know me because I don’t feel so cold anymore now that someone truly knows me.

So thank you princess for being persistent and for wanting to know me.

Thank you princess for helping me know myself better.

And thank you princess for making me realise that being human isn’t about being sad or in pain.

It is about the little things.

Helping them and watching how it lights up their face.

Sharing a joke and basking in laughter together.

Feeling their touch on your skin and realising that your pain isn’t as bad for as long as they are with you.

Listening to them talk about their passions, even if you can’t quite get them but you do so regardless because their happiness makes you happy as well.

You know. I always and truly loved listening to you when you told me all about your plants. I really did.

And most of all, thank you princess for giving me a glimpse of what happiness feels like. And also for saving me from a life of endless loneliness. I will never forget it. Just as I will never forget you.

Perhaps one day we will see each other again. Perhaps we won’t.

Just promise me to be happy regardless.

Your old grumps,

Yoongi Boongie

[rothjuje]

I’m (mostly) recovered from the weekend/spring break. I forgot how much time I need to process something even slightly emotional. And moving and carrying four other people’s feelings about it is a lot.

I’ve been starting to give away and sell off my plants and it actually makes me really sad so leaving my chickens will probably be harder than I’m anticipating. I sold my mini monstera and she was 38 inches tall and in a beautiful (perfect) ceramic pot and wahhh. Which I know sounds especially whiney given people are currently having to actually flee their homes and leave everything behind in Ukraine. Ugh. The news is so awful, my heart breaks for them.

I don’t even know why I am this way with plants. I don’t name them but I talk to them all the time. They’re like my little friends, they make me so happy. I’ll have to start all over when we move.

George is doing great (as long as he is in his routine). Surprisingly well, he has learned several new skills. He talks while his therapists are here but not much otherwise. I’m not sure why. Praise? He associates them with having to speak? Not sure. We did call his developmental clinic awhile ago to get him an official diagnosis, waiting for an appointment. They’re booked two months out so hopefully it will happen before we leave.

I don’t know what to do about our senior dog. His pain is controlled. He can wear doggy diapers on the car ride to MA. But he is losing his little doggy brain. He is fully blind and can barely walk without bumping into things in our house where he knows the layout. But the part that concerns me more is he is just so confused. He’ll lay down, get up, stare, lay down, whine, get up, stare. Pace. Like he doesn’t know where he is anymore. I tried to give him water the other day and he was licking the air. I tried to lead his head to the bowl and he started licking the air even more aggressively, desperate for water. He has no quality of life, but isn’t in pain, so I can’t put him down. But how is he supposed to deal with multiple hotels and a probable temp stay? And then a new house?

I’m gonna have George and the temperamental cat, Justin is going to have a large very anxious dog that will be very drugged and another half alive dog. It’s gonna be a shit show. There is going to be so much screaming and hissing and howling and I’m laughing about it but it’s really not funny. Justin will have to carry drugged dog to hotel and then come back to carry blind/confused dog, then come back for his luggage. He’ll also have my sister’s urn (which is large, heavy, and marble). Guys. I really can’t think about the trip up there or I will go insane.

I’m never moving again. Really.

I am excited for a new house. A blank canvas. The kitchen will be retro with yellows and oranges. Our room will be calm and navy blue. Living room will have some kind of wallpaper with foliage or citrus. Girls’ room will have either a flower mural or sprinkle wall, haven’t decided yet. I just want it to be fun and full of whimsy. Boys’ room will be dinosaurs or space, haven’t decided yet. Guest room/playroom/office will be beach/anchor themed. I still plan on doing a mini dance studio shed outside, especially for winter months. If we have a small room or large closet I’d also like to do a mini theater room with a built in bench for seating. I have all the ideas and want to put a lot of work into our house to make it fun and ours. Dreaming about this is my current happy place.

[threecrowsinatrenchcoat]

Plant Your Hope With Good Seeds

Dukeceit Week Day 3: Snakes/Bugs

Remus and Janus break up. But literally everyone knows that's not what they want. Everyone, including their plants.

AO3 Link: [here]

Word Count: 4337

Warnings: n/a

@dukeceitweek <3

-

Unknown Number

hey so i kno i said i wouldnt text u but rupert isnt doin good. can i bring him back? he misses u

Janus stared at the text for several minutes. Rupert was, of course, the Monstera Variegata that he and Remus had raised together all the way from propagation. It had been one of the pride and joys of their plant collection. Losing Rupert in the split had hurt almost as much as losing Remus.

...Almost. 

Janus

Is it getting enough light? Remember it needed the grow light even next to the window. 

Janus texted back against his better judgement. He and Remus were broken up. They’d agreed not to text for a while. They’d agreed to give each other space, get used to being apart. 

It sucked, though. The apartment felt empty without Remus and half their plant collection.

Unknown Number

ya i kno. but i don’t have any south facign windows here. our place is better

Unknown Number

i mean ur place

Janus sighed morosely. Well, if it was for Rupert…

Janus

Fine. Rupert can come back.

Unknown Number

yay! ill be in town this weekend. ill bring him ok?

Janus

Ok.

And then Janus promptly threw his phone across the room.

Because here’s the thing. Janus and Remus were broken up. Remus had moved eight hours away and everything. He’d been accepted into the Nuclear Engineering graduate program a state away, and they had both heard too many horror stories about long-distance relationships to brother trying. So they’d had a very civil and mutual split. Janus kept the apartment. Remus took the TV. And they’d divided their plant family between them: they each kept their favorites, and Remus had taken the hardier plants, while Janus kept the ones that were likely not to survive an interstate move.

And then… Remus left.

And Janus had not immediately wanted him back. Not at all.

(And, of course, Janus was lying to himself.)

Remus texted him Saturday morning that he was on his way, and Janus spent the first few hours of the wait stress-cleaning. He then checked on every single plant in the apartment. Watered the ones that needed it. Rotated some of the more vivacious growers so that they wouldn’t lean full-body toward their light source. Moved his small army of Sansevierias out to the apartment balcony for some extra sun.   

Then, when all that still failed to fill up the entire eight hours of waiting, he started stress-cooking. So by the time Remus texted that he’d just gotten off the highway, Janus had himself a pot of minestrone soup simmering on the stove, a tray of made-from-scratch lasagna in the oven, and was mixing up a batch of double chocolate chip cookies. 

There was no way he was going to eat all this food himself, he realized. He was so used to booking big meals like this, because Remus ate like he was three people. And lasagna was his favorite.

“Oh, Jake, what am I doing?” he groaned to the N’Joy Pothos that cascaded down the side of the refrigerator. And then his doorbell rang. 

Janus opened the door to find Remus, dancing awkwardly from foot to foot, with his face half-hidden behind the green-and-white leaves of Rupert. 

“...Hey,” Remus said, sounding sheepish. Janus’ heart clenched.

“Hi,” he said. They stood there in the doorway for a full minute before Janus stepped back and motioned for Remus to follow. Remus hesitated, but obeyed. 

“Uh… I’ll just…” Remus looked around. Janus hated how uncomfortable he looked. Until about two weeks ago, this had been Remus’ apartment, too. “Can I put him in his old spot?”

“Sure,” Janus replied with a nod. Rupert’s old spot had been in the bedroom, where the big, beautiful south-facing window let in a ton of light. He’d moved Venus de Milos, his Marble Queen Pothos, and La Hoya Jackson, the finicky Hoya Carnosa that Remus had wanted but didn’t expect to make the 8-hour drive without going into shock, to free up Rupert’s spot. Remus hesitated again, before he nodded awkwardly and wandered off to the bedroom, all three feet of plant and two gallons of soil in tow. Janus went to the oven and took out the lasagna. 

“Howl looks good,” Remus said when he came back into the kitchen. Janus glanced up from where he was laying balls of cookie dough out onto baking sheets. 

“Thank you,” he replied. Howl was their dramatic fiddle leaf fig tree, which had decided to throw a fit just before Remus left. “I switched it to a terracotta pot with peat moss and pearlite, and doubled its water intake. It seems to be tolerating it well.”

“Good.” There was a long pause. Then,” How are you?”

Janus looked back to the cookies. “I’m doing well,” he lied. “And you? Do you start class soon?”

“Next week,” Remus answered. “And, uh. Yeah, I’m doin’ good.” Another long pause. “Uh… I’ll just. Head out, I guess.”

“You could stay,” Janus blurted out. Shit. “For dinner, I mean.” He gestured to the tray of lasagna, fresh from the oven. “If you want.”

Remus gave him an uncharacteristically shy smile, then nodded slowly. He didn’t say anything, though, so Janus just gestured for him to take a seat at the table. And then he joined him, a plate of lasagna for each of them.

“So tell me, how’s living with Roman again?” Janus asked, a few bites into the meal, because he could not take the awkward silence a moment longer.

“It’s ok,” Remus answered. He shoveled another forkful of lasagna into his mouth. “This is really good, Jan.”

Janus smiled softly. “Thank you.” A pause. “Roman doesn’t mind all the plants?”

“Nah, he’s dating this guy Patton who apparently loves plants, so the apartment being full of houseplants is a huge plus to him now.”

“Good for him.” The oven timer went off, startling him slightly. He started to get up, but Remus waved him off.

“I got ‘em, you did all the cooking.”

Janus didn’t protest. Remus got up and took the cookies out of the oven. And he even moved them to a cooling rack like Janus had taught him to do. He came back to the table. 

“How’s work?”

Janus sighed. “Oh, terrible as always,” he answered. “I really must start looking for a new job.”

“Finally getting fed up?” Remus teased. Janus rolled his eyes. More seriously, Remus continued, “You deserve better, Jan. You gotta find some place that treats you right and pays you what you’re worth.”

“Thank you, Remus.”

“And hey, just sayin’, I still think you’d make an excellent stripper.”

Janus snorted at that. “I haven’t fully ruled out that particular career change.”

They fell easily back into their usual banter, lingering late into the night over a dessert of milk and cookies. It was pushing 10pm when Remus glanced at his phone and cursed softly. Janus glanced at his phone as well.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you so late,” he said. Remus shrugged.

“Nah, it’s cool. Thanks for dinner, Jan. It was real good, as always.”

“Where are you staying?”

“Uh… well, the plan was to stay with Logan, but I guess he had some kind of family emergency, so I don’t wanna trouble him. I’ll probably see if I can find a hotel room.”

Janus’ brow furrowed at that. “Why don’t you just stay here?”

“Oh, uh. I don’t wanna trouble you. I kinda feel like I already overstayed my welcome a bit?”

“Nonsense. A hotel room will cost you at least $100 for the night, and that’s simply ridiculous,” Janus insisted. “You should just stay here.”

Remus worried at his lip, which Janus knew meant he was mulling over his options. Then, he nodded. “If it’s not a bother?”

“Of course not. You’re not a bother, Remus.”

Remus’ eyes softened, and he smiled. “Ok. Thank you. Oh… lemmie go get my overnight back outta my truck.”

When Remus came back inside, Janus had just about finished making up the couch. 

“Hey, you don’t gotta get all fancy,” Remus teased. “You know I can sleep basically anywhere.”

“This is for me,” Janus replied. He fluffed up one of the pillows a bit more. “You take the bed.”

An odd look flashed across Remus’ face. “No way, Jan. I’m good on the couch.”

“Remus, you just drove eight hours, and you’re doing it again tomorrow. I am not letting you fuck up your back.”

‘I don’t-”

“Yes you do, no matter how often you say you can sleep anywhere,” Janus scoffed. “You can’t lie to me.”

Remus’ eyes softened, and after a moment, he sighed. “Ok, Jan. But what about you?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“You hate sleeping on couches.”

“It’s only one night-”

“And don’t you work tomorrow?”

“Yes, but-”

“You’re going to be so grumpy at work without a proper night’s sleep.”

“I’m usually grumpy at work anyway,” Janus pointed out. Remus snorted.

“Ok, that’s true. But I don’t want you to be even grumpier,” he said. “Let’s just share the bed.”

Janus eyed him for a moment. This was a terrible idea. They should not do this.

“Ok,” Janus said anyway.

They got ready for bed in awkward silence, which just made Janus miss Remus’ long, rambling chatter that much more. When Janus finished in the bathroom, he found Remus sitting gingerly on what used to be his side of the bed. Janus came over and sat down on the other side.

“Hey, uh… thanks,” Remus said. “For lettin’ me stay.”

“Of course,” Janus answered. “I… I still think of you as a friend, Remus.”

At that. Remus grimaced slightly. He didn’t say anything, seeming unable to find the right words. Before he could, Janus pulled back the top blankets on the bed and laid down. After a moment, Remus did the same.

“Good night, Remus,” Janus said quietly.

“...Good night, Janus,” Remus answered. Then he reached over and shut off the light.

-

Remus played that night over and over in his head in the days after he got home, and each and every time, he was just as stumped. 

He knew, in his brain, why he and Janus had broken up. It had been the only thing that made sense at the time, when the facts were just that Remus was moving away to pursue a lifelong dream, and Janus would never ever try to stop him from doing so. So they broke up. It made sense… right? 

But… That morning, he’d woken up to Janus curled up in his arms, face smushed against Remus’ neck, and… Remus had completely forgotten why they had even broken up in the first place.

Remus was back at Roman’s apartment, now. Eight hours away in his own cold bed, arms empty of the man he loved, just staring at the ceiling. A sharp knock on his door snapped him out of his daze.

“Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty,” Roman called. “Don’t you have class in like an hour?”

“Fuck!” Remus scrambled to get up, but succeeded only in rolling out of the bed.

“Don’t forget to lock the door when you leave,” Roman added. Clearly he was unconcerned by the loud “thump” of a body hitting the floor. 

“Yup, got it,” Remus groaned in reply. He staggered, successfully this time, to his feet. 

Getting dressed was a rushed affair of ‘grab whatever’s closest,’ and soon he emerged from the bedroom with one shoe on, the other in his hand, and his backpack slung over one shoulder. He rushed into the kitchen to grab the travel mug of coffee Janus always set out for him in the mornings. And then the realization hit: Janus didn’t live here.

Remus dropped his shoe. 

The rest of the day went about as well as it could have gone without any coffee- that is to say, terribly. He got lost trying to get to campus, then he got lost again trying to get to class. Then he got stuck in traffic on the way back to Roman’s apartment. And then, to top it all off, the grocery store had been out of his favorite chips. 

So here he was, mopey and chip-less, and fucking exhausted. He dumped his backpack and collapsed face-first onto the couch. Roman, who happened to be sitting on said couch, made a noise of protest.

“Move, I need to sulk,” Remus mumbled, though his voice was thoroughly muffled by Roman’s thigh, since that was where his face had landed. 

“What on earth do you need to sulk for?” Roman asked incredulously. He moved to shove Remus off of him, but Remus went full ragdoll, and Roman couldn’t do a damn thing. “You are a grown man, you know.”

Remus turned his head just enough to stick his tongue out at Roman. Roman stuck his tongue out back.

“I had a terrible day, I earned a good sulk.”

“Didn’t like your classes?”

“Nah, they were great.”

“Professors?”

“Great.”

“Classmates?”

“Great.”

“Then Zeus Almighty, what are you so mopey-dopey about?” Roman remanded.

Remus squirmed around so he was laying on his back, head still in Roman’s lap, to look up at his brother. “So… uh… you promise not to get all, like. I told you so and shit?” 

“You miss Janus!”

“No! I-”

“You do!” Roman crowed triumphantly. Remus rolled onto his side so he didn’t have to look at his brother’s dumb gloaty face.

“...Maybe,” he groaned. Abruptly, he clamored to his feet and started for the stairs. “I gotta go build a chair.”

“Carpentry won’t solve your relationship problems,” Roman called after him.

“I know,” Remus called back. “Wrong type of wood.” If Roman had a response to that, Remus was already out the door and didn’t have to hear it. 

Patton found him out in front of the apartment building some time later, a jigsaw in hand, and a pile of cut wooden dowels at his feet.

“Hey, kiddo, what are you up to?”

Remus looked up from where he was balancing a plank of wood precariously across a milk crate, because his work table was one of the things he’d had to leave behind at Janus’ place.

“Oh, hey. Ro-bro’s upstairs.”

Patton gave him the sort of smile teachers gave to the kid they caught eating glue for the fourth time. “That doesn’t look super safe. Do you want any help?”

Remus took in Patton’s soft blue sweater and the dad-jeans from the nicer end of his closet, as well as the reusable grocery store bag that smelled suspiciously like some kind of lovely home-cooked meal; he shook his head. “You look dressed for a date night,” he said. “I don’t wanna fuck up two relationships this week.”

Patton’s eyes, impossibly, got even bigger and softer than they normally were, which honestly was quite the feat. He walked over to the stairs but, instead of making his way up to Roman’s apartment, he plopped down on the third step, facing Remus. Remus stared, bewildered.

“Uh, what’chu doin’ there, pops?”

“Well, it just sounded like you needed to talk,” Patton replied cheerfully. “So here I am.”

Remus stared a moment longer, somehow even more bewildered than before. “Uh…”

“I know I haven’t known you very long,” Patton continued. “But something tells me you’re the type of person who busts out the power tools when you’re upset.”

“How the hell can you tell that?”

Patton glanced over his shoulder, then leaned forward slightly. “Because,” he said, voice lowered conspiratorially. “I’m like that too.”

Remus blinked. “You?”

“Yup! I replaced all the tables and chairs in my house with ones I made myself after my last breakup,” Patton giggled. “Only two of them collapsed when I sat in them, too!”

Remus glanced down at the jigsaw in his hands, and then he sighed. He set it down, and went to sit next to Patton on the steps. 

“Ok, well. Yeah, maybe I’m kinda upset.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah? No? Maybe?”

“Yup, those are your three options!” Patton teased. Remus rolled his eyes.

“Ok, fine. You win, daddy-o. I’m upset because I miss my boyfriend. Or, well, my ex-boyfriend. I want him to be my boyfriend again.”

“Have you told him that?”

“Of course not,” Remus whined.

“Why not?”

“Because… I mean. It wouldn’t change anything. I still moved away. And I don’t even know if he’d want to be my boyfriend again either. Maybe he’s happier now.”

“You don’t know that,” Patton said gently. “Sure, maybe the circumstances aren’t the best right now, but if you both want it, things have a funny way of working out. But you have to talk to him.”

“I…” Remus paused. And then he sighed deeply. “I guess you’re right. Hey thanks, that did actually sorta help.”

Patton offered him a gentle smile. “Of course, Remus! Any time!”

“Hey!”

They both turned to see Roman standing at the top of the stairs, arms crossed.

“My own brother, hogging my boyfriend like this! The betrayal-”

“Relax, Ro, he’s not my type,” Remus shot back. “I prefer sarcastic little menaces.”

Patton giggled at that. He stood up and patted Remus on the shoulder. “I hope things work out,” he said. Remus smiled back.

“Yeah, I hope so too.”

Really, he just wanted Janus to be happy. Ideally with him, but if Janus was happier without him, well… so be it. 

- - -

Janus was miserable. 

“Dude, c’mon,” Virgil grumbled, immediately upon seeing the state of the apartment. “You’ve been watering your plants and filling the humidifiers, but you can’t be bothered to throw out your gross pizza boxes?” A pause. “Wait, you don’t even like pizza, what the hell.”

Janus just shrugged. After letting Virgil and Logan into the apartment, he’d gone straight back into blanket-burrito-on-the-couch mode. And really, he’d only bothered to get up and let them inside in the first place because Virgil had threatened to axe down the door- and Janus knew for a fact that Virgil owned multiple axes. 

“I believe he is engaging in what is described as ‘emotional eating,’ or using food as a coping mechanism in a time of stress and emotional turmoil,” Logan said helpfully. Virgil just huffed.

“That’s fine and all, but Jesus Christ, dude.” He gestured around the livingroom where… ok, yeah, it was a mess.

“Did you two come here just to insult me?” Janus grumbled. His face was half-mashed into a pillow, though, so who knows how much of that was actually discernible.

“We came to make sure you were still alive,” Virgil snapped, indicating that at least most of what Janus had said was discernible. “You weren’t answering any texts.”

“Yes, and you called out of work three days in a row,” Logan added. “We are concerned for you, Janus.”

“I’m perfectly fine,” Janus lied from the comfort of his depression blanket burrito. He was not particularly surprised when neither Virgil or Logan looked even remotely convinced.

“Alright, drastic measure time,” Virgil growled. He walked over to the window, and picked up the young Burgundy Rubber Tree Janus had yet to name. Janus sat bolt upright. 

“Virgil? Don’t you dare-”

Virgil walked past him and vanished down the hall. When he came back, his hands were empty, and he had a smirk on his face.

“Oh, fuck you,” Janus hissed. He dragged himself up off the couch to go rescue the poor thing, finding it stashed in the dark, windowless bathroom. When he came back to the livingroom, Virgil and Logan were sprawled across the couch.

“Ha ha, very funny.” Janus set the rubber tree back on the windowsill alongside the Snake Plant Army. “Ok, I’m up. Are you heathens happy now?”

“I take offense to that,” Logan muttered, while Virgil just crossed his arms and said, curtly, “Spill it.”

“Spill what?”

“Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not upset-”

“Falsehood,” Logan interrupted. “I have known you since high school, Janus, and I have never seen you like this before. It is highly alarming.”

“Is this about Remus?” Virgil asked.

“No,” Janus said immediately. “Of course not.”

Virgil and Logan exchanged a Look. Janus groaned.

“Fuck. Ok, fine. Maybe it is.”

“Was that so hard?” Virgil asked. 

“Yes.”

“You-”

“Janus,” Logan interrupted Virgil’s retort. “It is my understanding that emotional distress is often alleviated through, as they say, ‘talking it out.’ It is clear you are not handling the break-up as well as you initially believed-”

“Of course I’m not!” Janus snapped. He took a deep breath, and turned back to the plants on his windowsill. Kaa, the Sansevieria Moonshine Remus had gotten for Janus as an anniversary present last year, was already leaning slightly toward the window again. He rotated it, and a few of the other snake plants on the sill. And then he realized the others had been quiet for far too long. He turned to find them both watching him with sympathetic expressions. “What?”

“Keep going,” Virgil prompted. Janus sighed. He felt exhausted.

“Of course I’m not,” he said again. “Because I love Remus.”

“And?” Virgil prompted.

“...And I didn’t want us to break up,” he finished, feeling glum. Wordlessly, Virgil stood up, and approached Janus, arms out. Janus stepped into the embrace. Nobody said anything; Janus didn’t cry, but he stood there for a long time. Then, he stepped back.

“Thank you,” he said, and he meant it. Virgil gave him a small smile. Logan cocked his head, seeming confused.

“I don’t understand. You just… needed a hug?”

“Hugs are great, Logan,” Virgil replied. “You should try them sometime- hey, where are you going?”

Janus strode past them both, beelining for his bedroom to find his laptop. Over his shoulder, he answered, “To fill out some job applications.”

- - -

Remus was outside building a new bookshelf- because Patton was moving in, and Roman's teenie-tiny sad little excuse for a bookshelf, which held only Disney DVDs and no actual books, wouldn’t suffice for all of Patton’s cookbooks- when his phone rang. Which was weird, because nobody ever called him, because he never fucking answered.

“Not interested, Mr. Spam Man,” he crooned over the sound of the generic iPhone ringtone. He was learning how to do kerf bending for this bookcase, and goddamn it he wasn’t going to be distracted by-

His phone started ringing again. He swore and ripped off his gloves to silence his phone. But as he did so, he realized the number flashing across his screen was a familiar one. 

“Janus? Are you ok?” he answered the call, half panicked, because Janus hated phone calls almost as much as he did.

“Hi. Yes, everything’s fine.” Janus sounded slightly hysterical, which made Remus feel even more frantic. “Where are you?”

“I’m at Roman’s. Are you sure you’re ok-”

“Great, don’t leave. I’ll be right there.”

“What does that mean-” Remus demanded, but the line was already dead. Remus swore again. He briefly considered calling him back, because what the actual fuck was that all about, but he was only about 30 seconds into that brief consideration before a familiar car tearing through the apartment complex parking lot caught his attention. He quickly brushed as much of the sawdust off his clothes as he could because holy shit Janus had just parked right there in front of Roman’s apartment.

Remus watched, dumbfounded, as Janus scrambled out of his car- dressed in his very nice black suit and pale yellow button-up- and came running across the lawn toward where Remus was working. He had a tiny plant clutched to his chest.

“Uh, Jan, you good?” Remus asked. Janus stopped in front of him and doubled over, breathless, for a few moments. Then, he straightened up, and fixed Remus with a look of sheer determination.

“Remus. I want to get back together.”

Remus’ heart, the traitorous bastard, leaped up into his throat and blocked all his words from coming out. 

“It’s… it’s ok if you don’t want that,” Janus continued. His look of determination faltered slightly. “It’s ok. But I needed to tell you. Because I love you, so much. And I… I didn’t want you to think I didn’t, even if you don't-”

Remus found his words abruptly. “Jan, fuck! I do! I do love you. I never stopped loving you. All I want is to be with you.”

Janus’ eyes softened. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Good, because I’ve just been offered a job here.”

Remus choked. Janus was eyeing him smugly. “You. Just like that, you got a job here?”

“Just like that,” Janus grinned. “I just came from the interview. They offered me a position on the spot.”

Remus couldn't help himself any longer. He lurched forward and pulled Janus tightly into his arms.

“Hey, be careful,” Janus said, though he made absolutely no effort to get out of Remus’ embrace. “You’ll crush our new son.”

Remus pulled back just enough to look at the small plant Janus held in his hands, and only then did his brain register what it was. 

“Is! Is that-”

“Yes,” Janus replied, holding up the tiny Drosera Capensis seedling. Remus had wanted one of these for ages.

“For me?”

“Well, for us, ideally,” Janus answered, with a shy smile. “But, mostly for you, yes.”

Remus gently plucked the baby octopus plant- their new son!- from Janus’ hands, and placed it carefully on top of the milk crate that was serving as his carpentry workbench. Then, he hoisted Janus up off the ground and spun him around.

“Oh- Re-” Janus exclaimed, though he was laughing. “Put me down!”

“No!” Remus trilled. He spun Janus around once more. Then he just stood there, holding Janus, gazing up at him. Janus’ eyes grew soft. Slowly, he carded his fingers through Remus’ hair.

“Hey,” Janus said.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Remus set Janus down, but kept his arms still wrapped tightly around him. His heart felt warm.

“Hey.”

Janus looked up at him. “Yeah?”

“I love you, too.” 

[heartsywritesthethings]

Kageyama with Plants: The Plants

Okay. So. I do not have all the characters that I want to have plants, assigned to plants, yet. Now, I decided I wanted symbolism for what character's got which plant, but that's not necessarily how Kageyama picks them. So really this has zero plot basis and is wildly unnecessary. I just wanted it. Note: the symbolism listed is not always the entirety of the symbolism, but just the parts that apply. Some parts are well thought out, some are vibes, some are funny.

Spoilers for the manga through the time skip! (Not on match outcomes.)

But here's what I have so far:

Iwaizumi-senpai: rainbow pincushion cactus. Symbolizes protection, warmth, endurance, support. Iwa was a good senpai. Provided support and protection. And created him warmly. Vibes with the endurance and strength of a cactus. Also spiky and pretty.

Oikawa-senpai: venus flytrap. Symbolizes strength, persistence, eccentricities, and new opportunity. Oikawa is an incredibly strong player, a real threat. His persistence is a large part of who he is as a player, but has a tendency to lead into overworking. He's a bit eccentric. He is. Oikawa absolutely looks for new opportunity, he moves across the world to play for another country's team because it is an amazing opportunity for him. Also, when a Venus flytrap fails it tends to sulk for a bit before resetting. Dramatic. But always resets. Ready to try again.

Kindaichi-kun: lucky bamboo. Symbolizes renewal, strength, growth, facing conflicting forces, seeing past fear, peace and chaos bringing about change. Kindaichi and Kageyama have a complex interesting relationship throughout Haikyuu. There's a renewal to their friendship. Change from their fight. Facing conflict. Coming together stronger for it. They both have so much growth that brings them to renewal and peace.

Kunimi-kun: spider plant. Symbolizes mindfulness and renewal of connections. Kunimi is a very mindful player, keeps his stamina in mind and plays the long game. Then of course the renewal.

Daichi-san: weeping fig tree. Symbolizes leadership, unity, prosperity, knowledge, and the link between human and spirit. He's our captain, gotta rep those leadership skills! Unites the team. Helps them prosper! Daichi has been putting in effort from his first year to get the practice and time that his team needed even before he became captain. He led the crows to prosper with their unclipped wings. And having died, he really does connect the human and spirit. Tobe fly.

Suga-senpai: african violet. These symbolize loyalty, protection, admiration, connections. Kageyama absolutely 100% admires Suga. Suga is so loyal to this team that he told the coach to bench him if that's what he thought was best for the team. I love him. Anyway. Connections? Suga connects with his team and his spiker really well and helps teach that to Kageyama. Also, Suga would protect. Chaotically. But still.

Nishinoya-san: scarlet star. This symbolizes protection, success and passion. He's Karasuno's guardian. That just screams protection. Also. He gets the scarlet star cause he's the star. It's mostly green with one little upward spike of red that reminds me of his hair.

Ennoshita-san: baby rubber plant. This is a ficus, same as Daichi's plant. So has a lot of the same symbolism of leadership, unity, understanding. It's just the junior! Ennoshita definitely gets extra points on the understanding front with his understanding of Yamagucchi's feelings and standing in to relay that to Coach.

Hinata Boke: golden pothos. Fun fact, this is my favorite. I have a fake one. ...I think. Symbolizes determination, perseverance, a relentless attitude to chase one's dream. Try to tell me Shoyo doesn't complete embody those qualities. This plant is used to shield negative energies and this sunshine boy does the same. It climbs, which is perfect for how high this shorty can jump. Additionally, when this plant is in a hanging planter, it symbolizes reaching new heights. Pretty solid choice, I think.

Saltyshima: queen's tears. The name alone just makes it hilarious, okay? Also, please know it can be called the Friendship Plant. These two are absolutely friends, but still assholes to each other. This symbolizes respect, success, passion. It can grow alongside others. Also it's rather demanding with it's conditions. I think it nicely represents Tsukki's growth and how he found passion alongside the others. With a little bit of attitude.

Coach Ukai: fiddle leaf fig. Symbolizes understanding, unity, knowledge, leadership. All qualities of coach. A given really. A a bonus this plant has been used to roll cigars. So it fits.

Yacchan: maidenhair fern. This symbolizes hope for future generations, confidence, and fascination. The plant itself is rather delicate and small. Yachi is small and a bit delicate in that she's nervous and easily frightened at first. But she's fascinated by the game and how much everyone on the team works and gains confidence in herself in her place in the team. And as a first year manager? She is the hope for the volleyball team in future years.

Akaashi-san: monstera. Symbolizes respect, honoring elders, and suffocation. (Don't ask me how that ties in with the other two, I don't know.) Kageyama respects Akaashi. For sure. And he's one of his senpai. Also the suffocation bit is funny considering Akaashi helped Kageyama not choke and suffocate at the training camp.

Kuroo-san: kentai palm plant. Symbolizes honor, protection, truth, warmth, aspiration. He's pretty honorable in always helping his volleyball brethren. With defense being Nekoma's biggest strength, protection was a necessity. He is honest, perhaps to a fault. He told Tsukki point blank that he was going to fall behind if he kept dragging his feet. (He's also a sweetheart who wanted to apologize.) He's got aspirations for his own team and his friends' teams. Also this plant has a LOT of deficiencies of different elements that it then needs special soil for so it can get those necessary elements, but just seeing so many elements listed just made me think science. Lemme just break out the periodic table song.

Kenma-san: parlor plant. Symbolizes androgyny, vitality, protection, and means "on the ground." Kenma has vitality, not in the physical sense, but certainly in mental vigor. He's Nekoma's brain! Keeping the protection for Nekoma's defense, of course. With defense being their strength, Nekoma (and Kenma) tend to fight on the ground more than in the air. Also it reminds me of his gravity rant.

Hoshiumi-san: creeping fig. Literally means "good things come in small packages" and "little power house." That's our favorite seagull. Also symbolizes understanding and knowledge. Though he's a bit impulsive and with a quick temper, it's his perceptiveness that always sticks out to me. Being able to recognize that Hinata can likely truly see the whole court in that split second of spiking. Being conscious of how others view him and using it to his advantage. When to go for a hard spike versus a block-out. Also these plants can climb and BOY does he have hops.

Romero-senpai: corsage orchid. This symbolizes admiration and inspiration. Romero is a volleyball player they all watched and admired growing up. It fits. Also originates from South America, which works nicely as Romero's home country is Brazil.

Those still undecided: Kyotani, Asahi, Tanaka, Kinoshita, Narita, Yamaguchi, Takeda, Kiyoko, Ushijima, Tendou, Bokuto, Aone, Chiyaga (plant will be named Broccoli Jr), Atsumu, Sakusa, Komori, and the fan who gives him a plant.

I know he has not interacted with all of these characters, but the point is I want him to and so I will make it happen. I think they'd have fun dynamics.

[raphaelbrcoks]

RAPHAEL’S TWENTY-SEVEN HOUSE PLANTS (pt. 1)

PRESENTED IN ORDER OF APARTMENT APPEARANCE

1. devil’s ivy

name: henri with an i

horticutural fun fact: not only are devil’s ivy pretty to look at, but they’re also actively purifying the air around them, even when you cut off one of their stems and propagate them. 

background: “up first is henri with an i, who’s a gentle soul with a love of 70’s disco. he’s had a lot of pressure on his back to live up to the devil’s ivy title, but the truth is there’s nothing demonic about him and he’s never even dabbled in satanism (except for that one time in college, but he was just experimenting, really). it’s ostracized him from the greater devil’s ivy community, but i’m happy to offer him a loving home with lots of diana ross. he’s a great dancer too - come over sometime when it’s windier, he knows how to shake those leaves like nobody else.”

2. chrysanthemum 

name: jeanine

horticultural fun fact: both the flowers and leaves of the chrysanthemum are totally edible.

background: “this is jeanine, but you can call her jeannie. she’s a city girl, but she loves to romanticize quitting her office job and moving out to some ranch in arkansas with the cowboy boyfriend she’d pick up along the way. with that being said, she’s never actually seen a farm in her life, and i don’t think she even knows what a plow does, so it’s hard for me to be totally supportive of her aspirations sometimes.”

3. euphorbia ingens

name: greg

horticultural fun fact: even thought the euphorbia ingens looks like a cactus and has the pricklies to match, it’s actually a succulent in disguise. 

background: “greg thought it’d be cute to grab onto my favorite sweater the other day and rip it up, so he doesn’t get a fun backstory again until he learns how to apologize. no, greg, stop, i don’t want to hear any excuses. honestly, your habit of gaslighting is starting to feel really toxic.”

4. sword fern 

name: vienna 

horticultural fun fact: sword ferns are also commonly referred to as the “christmas fern” due to a large amount of its fronds being used for wreaths each year. 

background: “next up is vienna, who’s named after the billy joel song and not that measly city in austria, thank you very much. they’re weirdly into swamps, so if you’ve got any swamp-related trivia you need checked out, feel free to run it by them. i ask them sometimes, i’m like ‘hey vienna, if you like swamps so much, why not look into some swamp-based real estate? there’s gotta be some good stuff left after ‘08, i’ll find you an agent’, but they brush me off every time. vienna thinks some things are better left as just a pipedream, you know?” 

5. orchid 

name: piper

horticultural fun fact: even though orchids have been cited as one of the more difficult houseplants to care for, they can live for up to a hundred years if properly looked after. this plant was the only one raph ever got from his brother, and he’s managed to maintain it for the last sixteen years.

background: “piper’s very into the grunge scene, she loves to tell anyone who’ll listen that punk’s not dead. she’s a star on the bass guitar, and while she’s fine rocking out on her own, what she really wants is to find an all-female punk band to shout about the patriarchy with. piper’s also been trying to grow out a rainbow mohawk for the longest time, but her delicate leaf structure is making it hard to follow through on that.” 

6. peace lily 

name: reese

horticultural fun fact: the peace lily is named for its flower, whose white color symbolizes peace for many. 

background: “reese is really trying to get a law degree and get involved with environmental diplomacy down the line, but they just can’t afford to go back to school right now. in the meantime, they work a lot of jobs to make ends meet, but they can’t seem to keep one for more than three weeks - something about being easily distracted with a bad temper. they’ve also got a small crush on piper, which i blame entirely on frankie and murph bringing over their simp influence.”

7. english ivy

name: lina

horticultural fun fact: when the english ivy is left to grow in the wild, it usually latches onto trees, which it then climbs and shades out the leaves of, killing the tree within a few years. raph’s made sure to keep this one away from all his indoor saplings.

background: “lina is the youngest of four, but she’s the only one who consistently remembers her siblings’ birthdays. she bugs them a little about it, too.”

8. anthurium

name: juno

horticultural fun fact: both the flower stalk, which contains calcium oxalate crystals, and the sap of the anthurium can be anywhere from mildly irritating to poisonous when ingested.

background: “juno’s just trying to law low for a while, if she’s being honest. she went a little crazy in her early-twenties, became involved with the wrong crowds, got some blood on her hands that she can’t take back now. when everything finally caught up with her, she got off with two years behind bars after a messy plea bargain. these days she’s taking it easy, just baking a lot of bread and embroidering sweaters in her free time.”

9. fiddle leaf fig

name: carmen

horticultural fun fact: unlike the common fig, the fruit that the fiddle leaf fig bears, when grown indoors or outdoors, is not edible.

background: “here we have carmen, who isn’t paranoid, they just have a lot of important questions. like, isn’t it peculiar that those footprints on the moon were so well preserved, despite the lack of moisture? and how the denver airport is so incredibly large for no explainable reason? and that jet fuel only burns up to 1500 degree fahrenheit, which isn’t nearly enough to burn through melt steel? carmen's just got a lot on her mind.”

10. rhapis palm

name: richard 

horticultural fun fact: the rhapis palm is a strange breed of fan palms that actually doesn’t exist in the wild, but was created by chinese cultivators to exist as indoor plants. 

background: “richard’s prone to being a bit cocky about how tall and green he is, but with how hard he’s worked to get here, he doesn’t think it’s arrogant to be a proud of his appearance. what’s his secret, you may ask? he’s about to release a self-help podcast this upcoming fall, but in short: cardio three times a week, cross-training with weights every day in between. plus a well-balanced diet of sunlight protein, high-fiber carbon dioxide, and lean chicken breast.”

11. lemon tree

name: amelia

horticultural fun fact: the latest addition to raph’s plant collection via eddie’s birthday gift, the lemon tree can grow up to 600 pounds of lemons when grown in the wild, but raph’s lucky if he gets a few teeny fruits. 

background: “growing lemons isn’t just amelia’s profession, it’s her passion. she carries an advanced certificate in citrus cultivation from the university of toronto. she can talk all day about the ideal conditions for lemon development and the exact amount of sourness that separates an amateur lemon from an expert one. she even painted her entire home in a very specific shade of lemon yellow - somehow her wife puts up with it.” 

12. monstera deliciosa

name: ludwig

fun fact: the holes in the monstera’s leaves actually serves an important purpose, which is to withstand heavy rainfall and wind as they let the elements pass through the holes. this is also the priciest plant in raph’s possession, clocking in at nearly a hundred dollars for this high-end monstera.

background: “ludwig likes to think he’s a tough guy, something out of a holywood sweatshop, but the truth is he’s a huge softie. like yeah, he rides a motorcycle and he’s got a dragon tatto on his back, but he also still sleeps with his childhood teddy bear, loves the smell of fabric softener, and is a sucker for jennifer aniston movies. his favorite is that one with adam sandler in hawaii, which i personally think is in bad taste, but ludwig won’t hear it.”

[edengarden]

hi! may i please have a regular haikyuu matchup? i’m a straight female and i’m a scorpio with personality type istp! for appearance, i’m about 5’7 last time i checked, i have brown eyes and brown hair. i have a red scar above my eyebrow but i can typically cover it up with my hair and it looks like todoroki’s scar but misplaced haha! i have an athletic build since i’m a competitive figure skater!

i’ll start with flaws since that’s easier >.< :

i have narcolepsy which is a big pain. it really affects me and my everyday life. so, typically i’m really tired and it’s hard for me to sleep at night so i’m a big night owl to the max. but when i’m energized, i’m like energized energized! i’ve been told i’m intimidating, and that it seems as though i don’t like to show emotion. i really don’t like to show my more negative emotions, i don’t want others to see me as weak and look down upon me. i’m a super impulsive person and don’t nessecarily think when i’m in a panic which a lot of times end me up in bad situations. i’m quiet which i don’t think it’s bad, but i’m not afraid to speak my mind and call someone out when needed. i’m stubborn and hate hate hate asking others for help. i judge a lot and i’m a really selective person, so if we are friends, then that means something. i hate unorganized spaces and i don’t like giving my opinion. if i don’t like something i will go out of my way to avoid it and just ignore whatever it is whether it’s schoolwork or a person, i could care less. i just really don’t care about things either way life will go on and i just have to live with it, i could care less.

now for a more positive go:

i’m a super fun person! like i said, when i’m energized i’m energized! when i’m most awake is at night typically so that’s when i do lots of things! i can do a hella good scooby doo impression like scarily good. my favorite thing to do is go to get slurpees at 7/11 when it’s 4 am because the employees are too tired to yell at me for getting two flavors. favorite song is womanizer by britany spears and i love to scream it at the top of my lungs to feel like a baddie b. i’m very loyal and keep my friends super close, because if i trust them then that is saying something. i’m super independent which can be a good and bad thing, i try to do everything efficiently and alone. i’m a perfectionist which is also probably a bad thing agh. i really like monster energy drinks and when i just straight up don’t sleep catch me surviving off of pure willpower with a monster in hand. i try to make the most of my life while i can, because i know if i die it might as well be in a badass way so i’m pretty adventurous! my passion in this world is figure skating and i’m a national champion! i love to surf and i love to snowboard. i’m a huge reader and i even work at a local bookstore! you can catch me with a book usually and i love anything to do with true crime, marine biology, and linguistics. i love anime and it makes me all happy and cozy to sit up in a. corner on a saturday morning and binge watch one piece with my chai tea. i also love christmas, especially the song mele kalikimaka i could sing it year round! my favorite thing in the entire world is plants eeeee!! i love plants so much i could go on for hours about them, i have many plants and my favorite one is a monstera a close friend gave me and ahh i love them! though, runner ups behind are chai tea and candles! i play the viola and i have a love hate relationship with the instrument. my favorite songs are lucy in the sky with diamonds and just like heaven but i also love classical music like clair de lune and danse macabre. my favorite bands are queen, nirvana, abba, billie holiday, and fleetwood mac! i’m a sucker for anything vintage and from the 40’s or 70’s. i have a dark academia type aesthetic i guess and love dressing of the sort.

hmm fun facts:

i’m from the netherlands and i love love love snow and any sort of rainy weather

i can speak 9 different languages and learning languages is one of my favorite things i find them so fascinating, (dutch, english, spanish, french, japanese, portugese, russian, german, and swedish! i’m trying to learn italian !!

my favorite book or manga i guess, is anything by junji ito

i can dislocate my fingers and relocate them

i love ferrets! i used to volunteer at my local shelter all the time.

i love horror movies as well the movie sleeping beauty it always makes me happy

i love wrapping presents

the way i got my scar was by once hitting my head on a coat rack because i was way too confident i was dreaming and that my head would just go right through, i wasn’t dreaming.

i’ve been kicked out of a walmart for laughing at a bag of marshmallows when i was way too tired and i probably looked like a maniac to be fair

these aren’t very fun facts bleh

my favorite color is either orange or navy blue and white

i’m rambling now and itend to ramble when i write i’m so sorry, thank you so much for your time and have a good day !!!

OH MY GOSH CLAIR DE LUNE IS THE MOST ROMANTIC SONG ON THIS EARTH?? Shit makes me cry.

Omg you’re such a mood too

I’m matching you up with Akaashi!

Especially with the negative traits that you’ve highlighted, I think he’d be a great option for you! Akaashi’s a trustworthy individual; I think he has an aura that just screams “trustworthy”, and we KNOW he’s a loyal mf. He’s a bit worried about SOME of your habits, but he would understand that you can’t exactly control your narcolepsy. Will he search it up to see if there’s anything he can do for you? Yes, absolutely. But he won’t outright help you; he’ll only start doing that (wordlessly) when he notices that you don’t reach out for help.

Oh my gosh, your dynamic is so amazing?? Akaashi being calm and collected and you being an absolute gremlin. I love it. At the beginning you’re just like “hey look what I can do” and you freakin dislocate a finger and boy freaks out, but after two years he just goes “nice baby I’m proud :)” and really, he IS proud. And he’ll tell you often. He also never misses a skating event; he’ll make sure to clear his schedule for them. Akaashi really enjoys the sport, it’s really beautiful to him. He thinks it’s an art.

You two are such an Intellectual Couple though?? With you practically being a linguist and him in literature? Big respect, people see you and they have to fight back the urge to bow. Y’all are royalty, and that’s that.

ALSO AOSKSJDHS THE THOUGHT OF YOU TWO SETTLED DOWN ON THE COUCH WITH FACE MASKS AND WINE WATCHING TRUE CRIME SHOWS IS SO FUNNY YET SO ACCURATE THESE ARE YOUR FAVOURITE DATES

Songs!!

- Jazz Suite No. 2: VI. Waltz II, Dmitri Shostakovich (do not question me; Akaashi wants to learn the waltz for this song)

- I’ll Follow the Sun, The Beatles

- Moondance, Van Morrison

- Win, David Bowie

[jhara-ivez]

Dry wind played with Meran's mane and tried to tear the hood off my head, so I bravely pulled the cloth tighter around my head, covering my nose and mouth to keep the sand out of my airways.

I saw the snow on the peaks of the mountains on the left where the path led up to the Golden Forest, and remembered frozen corpses and angel wings. Thankfully we followed the wide paths through the thicket until once more the ocean of fire spread before us.

The sand shimmered and danced off the dunes in the distance, calling to me like a mother would call her child. Searing heat made the air flutter and shy away, playfully almost. Further east - only more dunes, cacti, more sand, more stone. More warmth. And then, the powder desert. Once more my destination.

The sun burned mercilessly down from above, although it was not even noon. We would still manage to get a bit further before the heat would force us to rest.

So I made Meran step down the dune, slowly, because with every step the loose sand rolled down from above and if we didn't pay attention, we would fall and the masses of sand would bury us. One wrong step was all it took.

But we came down undamaged and trotted for a good two hours, at Merans own pace, through the seemingly inanimate surroundings until old pyrean buildings appeared in front of us. It must have been palaces or temples. Their bronze facades shone in the light of the sun, while the sand had swallowed them up and buried them underneath. You couldn't enter them any more, and maybe that was better.

I sat down in the shade of one of these ruins and was amazed when Meran let himself fall into the sand next to me. The heavy head was bedded on my leg so that I had no other choice but to stroke his long nose. At some point he closed his eyes with relish, I followed his example.

We had two or three hours of rest ahead of us, and I think my stallion was also quite happy about it. His well-being was the most important thing at the moment anyway. If he broke down I was lost. Horses were adapted to the steppe, not the desert. Their thin legs broke more easily in an unexpected fall and they needed more water, so I mixed the amount I had had with goat butter. A very old trick I had learned early on the streets of Ostian. I had to be attentive, keep a close eye on his movements and the suppleness of his skin, and rest when necessary.

Midday in the desert was the worst time, even the wind was afraid of it. You couldn't feel a single breeze anymore. Those who came from a colder country did not understand what that meant - when nothing moved anymore, when everything seemed dead.  

It was bizarre.

Nothing was distracting, nothing was irritating, nothing was disturbing. It was a very concentrated experience. A little deadly in the long run perhaps....

The whole environmentfelt so familiar that I almost forgot. But all I needed to do was take a look east towards the sea to remember corpses, black stones, hunted eyes and the extinction of mankind.

I groaned and loosened the shesh, pulled down my hood and shook out my hair. Here in the shade, no sunburn was going to strike me...

Meran immediately sipped the water when I provided it. Afterwards I felt his legs for swellings. Soft sand was exhausting for the tendons.

I caressed Meran's cheeks in circular movements and tried to suppress my environment by concentrating on his breath and the direction of growth of his fur. White hairs formed the blaze that stretched from his forehead to his nostrils, with a vortex right in the middle between his big eyes. Above, mane hair in a colour reminiscent of dried blood that fell like a veil over his red eyelashes. The area around the nostrils was velvety and fine, grey and pink in places where the blood vessels sat close to the skin. His long tactile hair trembled slightly as I touched the corners of the stallion's mouth.

He made a soft, benevolent sound. I leaned my forehead against his.

"Watch out, little brother', I said.

He pointed his ears in my direction.

"It’s the last stone. After that... everything will be alright.”

He blinked and pulled his head up.

Sad. I was able to deceive everyone but him. Even myself.

We went on. Above me pale blue sky.

The wind came back. It was accompanying us, if we wanted it or not. Sometimes it was gentle, sometimes it jumped up on us like a feral animal. We fought our way over rocks and sand hills and finally we went through the dunes over an exposed, old paved way, which probably somebody had built here in the past.

After a while a first small collection of date palms came into sight, then a next one at some distance. Birds in the sky showed me the way out of the open plain. The ground changed. Dry grass and buckthorn plants alternated with gnarled trees until the cry of a bird rang in the beginning of green vegetation. The wind carried sea salt with it.

I deeply inhaled the air enriched with humidity. The date palm fronds contrasted picturesquely with the rust-red rocks. Apricots, almonds and figs grew wild and chaotic, and in between orchids and bromeliads fought for the sunbeams which were not caught by the fanned and serrated leaves of the monstera and philodendrons. A huge blue butterfly settled on my hand. Its thin body with the filament-like feelers tickled a little as it opened and folded the delicate wings. I shook my hand briefly, and then watched it take off again.

We followed a river that ate its dry bed through loamy soil, further towards the sea. Fruit trees and palm trees provided the surroundings with vibrant spots. Insects buzzed around us, mainly mosquitoes and brakes. Big locusts fled with big leaps from Meran's sharp hooves.

A Steppe Crusher pulled through the high grass in front of the building and raised its head when it noticed us. Its horn was still small, barely the size of my palm. But I wouldn't underestimate it. The animal snorted angrily, Meran hesitated briefly but then dared to take a few steps forward again. The thick skinned animal let us approach at about fifteen meters before it disappeared through the thicket...

After a few minutes a building made from light clay appeared in front of us. The abandoned Kasbah.The sea sparkled behind it.

He disappeared.

Water and sand were unstable elements, constantly restless, always and never the same. The wind transformed the water into waves and the dunes into frozen waves of a turbulent sea.

Sea and desert shimmered in a thousand colours at sunrise and sunset. And at night the gigantic starry sky arched over both of them, stretching into a dizzying depth.

Sea and desert were one, but never in one and the same way. Water and sand were soft and caressing, tingling and supple, rough and repellent, stirring and wild.

Movement and constant change. At the same time everything remained the same.

I wanted nothing more than to adapt. The world around me might fall apart, but I would remain the same. Stable. Neutral.

However, my gaze was erratic. I moved between reality and unreality, my thoughts running in a state of eternal lethargy, without beginning, without end.

I messed up. Both times.

The last sound of the birds accompanied us as we trotted along the beach. The reddish sky soon gave way to the endless sea of stars and the constant chirping of the insects in the nearby tangle of plants drowned out the whispering of the waves rolling on the sand.

I'm an idiot. That's all I am now. An idiot.

Meran started to climb up the steep hills like a mountain goat. Stones and rocks were hardly a problem for him.

I, however, felt the weakness crawling back, felt how my fingers began to tingle and a tremble crawling up my back, nesting itself between my shoulder blades.

Sirius would have said that I lost it completely by now. To fall for someone so badly – surely it meant I lost it. But Jespar was gone. He wasn't sitting next to me in the tavern, he wasn't there talking to me when I needed it. He was gone and my body felt so heavy I wasn't sure to ever move again. But I did. Even when small things brought him back to me - only to lose him again a thousand times a day. Each time more painful than the last. There were no words for that thick, black mass that was dripping somewhere in my chest area.

Who would have wanted something fucked up like this?

I wiped my face.

Pathetic.

I took a deep breath of the night air and fought against the pain that pounded dully in my head.

Sand passed by. Darker. Stonier. Desert.

Nothing. No people, no wind, nothing. Around us only treeless, barren stones. Wideness and silence. Unimpeded desolation stretched from one side of the sky to the other.

Rocky corridors, bizarre mountains, quartz crystals and rock walls storming the sky. Dust filled basins. On the flank side everything was black. A black-grey landscape of ruins.

Rejecting. Unapproachable.

I looked around me, turned the stallion on the spot in all directions, but all I saw were grey, torn sand plains. Meran turned his head to me as if he was asking where to go now. I didn't know.

All directions looked the same. Substance, caught somewhere between liquid and solid.

And it was silent. Dead.

Not metaphorically, but extremely real. Desert... It wasn't just the barren, dried out, poorly overgrown land. Desert meant loneliness. It was the home of the dead, the place of wild animals and magic, where life had no meaning.  

The pool of blood was burned into my memory. No pulse. Blood, fire, plants and water.

Rage.

…

I was the idiot left to keep on. I was keeping on yet here I was, stilled in place in the middle of the desert on top of a hill amidst darkness and stone with no direction whatsoever. But pain was a reminder. I wasn't asleep. It was alright.

One of the stones began to move, a big dark shadow. I didn't flinch. I froze.

Boneripper ? They came out at night.

No.

My inner restlessness spread out to Meran, whose flanks trembled. Frustrated I stared into darkness. Whatever it was, it snorted. When it took a step forward, sand and pebbles sprang up. Large and massive, it moved closer to us, but did not make any sudden or hectic movements. Slowly I recognized contours.

Horns, a strange shield at the back of its neck...kind of a bony frill, a pointed snout that looked like a beak. It carried its head close to the ground. Herbivore, it shot through my head.

I relaxed. Meran pointed his ears at the strange creature.

For a long time we just stood there. It was when my stallions muscles relaxed completely that I felt a sudden wave of safety flooding my body. It was peaceful. Nothing would try to attack while it was around. It was peaceful because it didn't have to fear.

We were allowed to stay.

I was allowed to stay.

[davidoespailla]

Millennials Are Hiring Consultants to Raise Their ‘Plant Babies’

Annie Wermiel/NY Post

Nick Cutsumpas calls himself a “plant daddy.”

The 26-year-old Kips Bay resident, who works for Arianna Huffington’s startup Thrive Global, has turned a passion for agriculture—he claims to have grown tomatoes in his apartment with moderate success—into a lucrative side hustle.

His skills are in high demand. Many millennials, members of the generation born between 1980 and roughly 2000 who have a reputation for being commitment-averse, are opting to raise houseplants. Critics have gone as far as to say they’re forgoing traditional milestones like marriage and children to curate photogenic green spaces in their homes.

But it’s not easy to make a garden grow. So while money may not grow on trees, local millennials’ demand for low-maintenance, Instagram-ready plants means there’s ample opportunity for New York’s green thumbs to earn some greenbacks.

After all, this cohort is viewed as being wary of long-term responsibility. “We are the Tamagotchi generation,” says Eliza Blank, the 33-year-old founder of Manhattan-based plant store The Sill, referring to the egg-shaped digital pet toy popular in the late ’90s. “It’s something cute to take care of that’s kind of low-risk.”

The scaffolding around supporting plant ownership, then, continues to blossom. Blank’s online-turned-brick-and-mortar startup, founded in 2012, draws inspiration from women-owned companies like Drybar and Birchbox as opposed to more traditional emporiums like Home Depot.

Potted plants range from $23 to $66. The Sill markets a collection “easy for beginners” (which can be sent to your home for $35 a month) and offers online classes for newbies like “Watering 101” and “How to Pick a Planter” online for $10.

“People are buying plants now because it fills a void in their lives,” says Blank, who has raised $7.5 million in funding for The Sill since 2017 and is soon adding a storefront in Los Angeles to her two in New York. “We aren’t here just to transact with our customers. We’re here to teach them, to educate them, to create a relationship with them—to give them the tools they need to have a relationship with their plants to fill whatever that void might be.”

Plant-owning novices still need guidance. “Some people want me to go buy the plants for them. For others, it’s like picking out a wedding dress,” says Cutsumpas, who makes an average of $300 per project. “You get your friends to come, you want everyone to be there. It becomes an event.”

After Cutsumpas met Tribeca resident Lauren, 37, at a book launch, she turned to him for mentorship.

“I’ve always wanted to have a lot of plants,” says the health and wellness coach, who declined to use her last name due to privacy concerns. “It just always felt so cumbersome to go out and do it. I would go to the Flower District and feel so overwhelmed.”

She paid Cutsumpas just under $500 to buy and install a fiddle-leaf fig tree, two snake plants, a few potted pothos plants and a microgreen and herb station in the three-bedroom apartment she shares with her husband and 4-year-old child.

“I can kill anything, so I wanted low-maintenance. We have a ton of light, and I wanted air-purifying plants,” says Lauren.

She texts pictures of her ailing plants, like the brown spots on her fiddle-leaf fig, to Cutsumpas when she needs advice, which he dispenses at no extra charge. (It was a case of sunburn.)

Cutsumpas—whose plant-filled Instagram feed @FarmerNickNYC boasts almost 10,000 followers—sees plants as a “transitional step” toward bigger commitments: “You’re showing yourself, your friends and your family, ‘Hey, I’m taking this slow. I’m not ready to settle down and start having a kid at age 26.’ ”

Other New Yorkers gravitate toward plants as a design element, instead of posters or art.

A financial consultant who works from his Bushwick home, Sean Valentine, wanted his flat to have “some life in it.”

Valentine, 28, contacted his friend Maryah Greene, 23, a third-grade teacher who moonlights as a plant consultant. Like Cutsumpas, she finds most of her clients via Instagram (though she and Valentine are childhood friends).

“I became known as the crazy lady who’s always fixing someone’s plant,” says Greene, who posts advice on Instagram about choosing low-commitment flora and treating yellowing leaves. Her account @Greene.Piece, she says, has earned her about 20 clients in the last year. Greene takes home between $50 and $160 depending on a project’s budget and scale. (Her day rate is $250.)

Valentine and his roommates “gave me a $400 budget to ball out,” says Greene. “It was a lesson for me. I was like, ‘I can totally get you this really dope ficus, but the air quality in here sucks.’ ”

Now vines, hanging plants and shoots in pots on shelves line the walls of Valentine’s apartment.

“You can put paintings on the wall, but there’s nothing like having greenery,” says Valentine, who admits he’d never had a houseplant before. “It’s very alive.”

Greene attributes the millennial plant boom, in part, to social media—“the way that we advertise our spaces and our day-to-day” activities. But she tells clients it’s not all aesthetics but practicality, too.

“Everyone likes the look of having a plant by the window. But most of those really pretty Swiss cheese [monstera] plants aren’t meant to be on a windowsill, where it’s absolutely freezing,” says Greene. “Don’t get a massive tree if you don’t have the energy to water it and to fertilize it. You can just get a tiny bonsai.”

It’s not just homes that get spiffed up in this green wave. Restaurants, retailers and runways are putting a premium on plants as design, like Rihanna’s buzzy September 2018 Savage x Fenty lingerie show, staged like a leafy eden.

Brands like Nike, Umbro and Foot Locker have tapped Olivia Rose, the Manhattan native behind plant design studio Bodega Rose, to greenify store installations and workshops. Her signature basketball planter, which starts at $90 ($125 with a pothos plant) is a must-have accessory. Last year, ultra-cool label Gypsy Sport, helmed by Balenciaga alum Rio Uribe, sent models down the runway with Rose’s basketball planters during Fashion Week, making Rose the green-thumbed darling of the hypebeast set, able to marry high fashion and street style. She draped MoMA PS1’s courtyard in the planters for the museum’s first-ever plant installation.

In Greenpoint, hip Michelin-starred eatery Oxomoco features an elaborately designed ceiling plantscape by Rose. And Nike CEO Mark Parker commissioned a work for his office after seeing her Air Force One-inspired resin planters.

Rose thinks of herself “as a plant rock star. I’m going on tour with plants,” and prioritizes the “entertainment element” of her work, adding she knows she’s catering to a social-media savvy crowd: “People want to take pictures.”

“If plants are characters in my life, then how would they live? They would be big, they would wear the coolest clothes, they would dress in the best pots, they would go play basketball,” the 23-year-old, who formally trained as a landscape architect at Cornell, tells The Post.

Millennial mainstays like cacti, monsteras, philodendrons and twisted trunks of tropical trees in Rose’s own Kips Bay apartment provide ample inspiration—and a background for selfies shared with her 19,500 Instagram followers.

The idea for The Sill’s Plant Parenthood Club ($39/year) came from demand from Blank’s customers for advice on care. They even call their leafy dependents “plant babies.”

“It’s in lieu of actual babies,” she says. “It’s like, ‘Oh my god, I could never have an actual baby, but I can have a plant, and that could be my baby.’”

For his part, Valentine is currently experiencing the seasonal roller coaster of plant ownership. “Watching them transition to the fall and the winter, I’ve been a little nervous, because things happen, leaves fall off, and you’re like, ‘Am I doing this wrong?’”

Luckily, when Valentine or his roommates are out of town, Greene is on call to plant-sit.

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Millennials Are Hiring Consultants to Raise Their ‘Plant Babies’