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iznyangwoni · 6 months ago

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EASY TO LOVE | chapter seven !

warnings: suggestive, mention of drinking and getting drunk

“No phones allowed?” You hear someone ask as you go up the stairs, towards the vip section. Jungwon is holding your hand, not wanting you to trip and fall because of those heels, or the dark of the hallway.

“Just the rules, puppy.” You say, now seeing its Jake the one speaking. Jungwon high fives him. You give your phone to the bodyguard in front of the door and turn around to look at the two boys behind you before entering. “You guys better put those phones away.”

The room is full of people you know, you hang out with the same five people all the time but you’re choi y/n, people know you. You say hi to Heeseung, a guy from the same band as jay, who is having a chat with Nicholas and him. Jungwon catches up to you, which is perfect timing since now you can introduce him to your friends.

“Ay, Princess! And that must be uhm… what’s his name…” “I’m Jungwon nice to-“ “YEAH JUYEON YEAH!” Safe to say Nicholas is drunk as fuck. The older guy pats Jungwon’s back almost violently, while somehow remaining friendly. Jay rolls his eyes and smoothly moves the younger away from Nicho’s grip.

After a few minutes and a couple of more shots, theres ten of you sat on some comfortable couches, a coffee table in the middle, a couple of bottles, some full some already empty, and charli xcx is playing in the background. This really is your vibe.

“So? Are we playing?” Yujin, a girl that Wonyoung invited, speaks.

“What are we playing?” Jungwon whispers into your ear. You’re so squeezed in the sofa that one of your legs is basically on his. “Just the usual truth or dare, if you dont answer or do the dare, you drink.” And so the game shortly begins. As usual, its boring at first, when no one, except for the poor moka, is drunk enough to do bold shit. After a couple of rounds, its when the fun really begins.

Jay is dared to read his last sext, which we all regret hearing, Wonyoung is dared to give her number to the ugliest, poorest guy she can find at the party, meanwhile Nicho has to share his most obscure kink. Your head is spinning after the fourth round, giggles escaping your mouth for no reasons at all.

That is until you’re called to choose. Truth or Dare? “Dare. Of course.” Heeseung is the one chosing the dare for you, and you can tell by how he acts that he is not sober at all, but thats fine, since you probably look even worse than him. “You were a dancer, right? Why dont you show your new little toy how good of a dancer you are?” He points at a pole, most likely used by real pole dancers in the club.

You laugh, you’re no pole dancer, but you do know how to move. Even before you get up, Jungwon is looking at you in awe. He doesnt like how everyone has been calling him your toy all night, but fuck. The thought of you, in that little dress and boots, dancing on a pole? It was driving him so crazy he didnt even had the time to get mad at the nickname.

You get up and look at him for a second, you want to whisper in his ear, but your stability right now is not the best, so you almost fall on him, his hands promptly on your waist as you giggle again. Your lips brush his ear, your voice breathy and drunk. “Don’t get too hard, mh?” Jungwon closes his eyes, letting you go as he just mumbles.

You put your hands on the pole, meanwhile someone turns up the volume of the music. Your head is spinning too much, you barely know what you’re doing, but by how everyone is cheering and clapping their hands for you, maybe you’re not doing too bad. Your eyes meet Jungwon’s and god, he looks like he’s about to lose it any second.

If only he wasnt so stubborn, he would’ve already gotten you off of that pole and inside a room instead. If he wasnt so stubborn he would’ve probably kissed you an hour ago. And now he is so drunk, his mind on how your dress is slightly going up, how your hair looks meanwhile you’re having the time of your life, those thighs of yours..He can only be glad when the music stops and you clumsily go back to your seat on the couch.

His hand immediately goes to your thigh, squeezing it tightly, so deep his nails might dig into your skin. But you dont say a thing, you let him do that without complaining, and his heart is about to explode. “Jungwon its your turn! Truth or Dare?” Jungwon is looking down, trying to calm himself.

“T-Tru- No. Dare. I want a dare.” He doesnt even know who asked him. Only after a few seconds he raises his eyes up, the person speaking to him has the coldest look in his eyes that he has ever seen. Sunghoon seems to be wanting to take the younger by his hair and punch him. But his voice is calm, almost challenging. “Take your hand off of Y/n.”

You’re still breathing erratically, your chest going up and down so fast, and you dont know if its because of Jungwon’s nails digging into your skin, the alcohol, the dance you just did, or maybe all together. Jungwon looks at you, then at his hand, and lastly at Sunghoon. You honestly expect him to take his hand off, no one dares to fuck with Sunghoon this way. But Jungwon just leans towards the table, his free hand reaching for a bottle of tequila.

“I prefer to drink instead.”

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TAGLIST @unhakki @firstclassjaylee @en-verse @mxxninthesky @seunghancore @erenmyman @jiamini @yoonzns @wonswondrland @50-husbands @leaderwonim @aloloveswonie @f3rraribabez @jwonistic @ribbioniki

#enha #enha fluff #enha imagines #enha scenarios #enha x reader #enhypen #enhypen smau #jungwon #jungwon smau #enhypen x reader #enha smau #enhypen x you #jungwon x you #jungwon imagines #jungwon x reader #jungwon scenarios #yang jungwon

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fruitstopia · 2 months ago

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┊❛ 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙮 𝙙𝙖𝙮 𝖺𝗌 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝖾𝗀𝗂𝗏𝖾𝗋ᵎᵎ ❜┊ headcannons εїз

A/N : ( x regressor!reader / no pronouns mentioned - ) i luvluvluv mistyyy :( she never left my mind and i will make a foxxay version ! don' care if nobody's gonna read it >:)))

━━ i imagine you two living in her lil cabin in the middle of the swamp so nature activities is a must !

━━ picnics & outdoor tea parties are her favourites ! she also likes to take you wandering around the swamp- as you go she'd point out the plants & animals you' d find along the way

━━ "look babs! that pretty lil flowers over there is a marigold!" & "sshhh kiddo we don' wanna scare the butterfly awayy, can you tell mama what colours are it's wings?"

━━ misty is an outdoor gal so she ' s not afraid to get messy ! after a long day of zoomies she'll prepare a nice warm bath for the two of you

━━ at night / when it ' s a bit breezy she ' ll wrap the both of you in one of her thicker shawls, with a cup of tea in hand & a bottle / sippy full of warm milk for you while watching the sun going down

━━ mama misty is a bit of a traditional really, so her ideal ways of spending time with you is kinda oldschool- thats one of her traits that you wholeheartly adore about her tho

━━ she reads to you fairytales that shes familiar with ever since she was a child , tells you spooky folklore she had heard from time to time (nothing too dark tho) and instead of nursery rhymes she humms to you ( steve nicks & tunes she made herself on the spot )

━━ mama misty always remind you to be kind , both to nature & to other humans no matter how big of a meanie they are :((

━━ to always forgive & to treat even the tiniest most precious things with care

━━ she never really put up a bedtime for you , with you time never really matters- it all went by so fast that you sleep when you want to

━━ swirlies with mama misty is a must ! stevie nicks is playing in the background & she ' s screaming the lyrics out , just having a really great time .

━━ sometime ' s misty gets scared- worried that she ' s not doing a good job taking care of you , gets massive triggers when you accidentally fell and got a boo boo or everytime you cried

━━ you make it your mission to show her that , that 's not the reason ! explaining to her with both hands cupping her cheeks that you weren ' t in a good mood or just wasnt careful enough . not her fault !

━━ mama misty is such a clingy mama :(( always holding you whenever she could , spends the entire morning keeping u on her embrace just having you right here with her brings her solace

━━ not a strict caregiver , doesn ' t have any rules for you but calmly consoles you if youre doing something wrong

━━ "no no, don ' t touch that bubs you ' ll get itchy !" & "cmonn kiddo didn ' t you promise mama to do it? someone ' s not keeping their promises huhh"

━━ very veryyyy protective of you , you ' re unaware of it but she learns how to cast protective spells just for you and did one on you

━━ she makes you help her on gardening and water the plants with you everyday

━━ doesnt like to swear & if she does it ' s a slip of the tongue and just her southern antics , immediately feels bad and apologizes to you , mama ' s so silly ^^

#⋆ nana ' s hcs!#fandom agere #little reader #agere fanfic #mistyday x reader #little!reader #ahs agere

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ecto-hazard · 4 months ago

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I just rewatched ii s1 (fucked up right?)

im just gonna make a post compiling some barebones concepts that im curious about. cause with the latest reveal, im wondering how much previous stuff might become relevant.

Obviously this was made years ago by a bunch of kids so its possible that most of the details can be disregarded as random bullshit. It does seem like they put a lot of work in creating retcons though so I have reason to believe theyre building off their previous work on purpose but i could be wrong and thats fair. im gonna post about it anyway tho

ii16 spoilers discussed under the cut

Who Mephone created (or rather, didn't create)

Mephone supposedly made every contestant for the show, but there's a couple vague characters.

Fan: weirdly enough he's in a gray area cause he appears as a background character before s2, but he also glitched out in that one episode, so its unlikely he wasnt created by Mephone. But yknow.

Apple: Apple is a fan character who was submitted to the show, and this is addressed in canon. It's possible that mephone made her and the other fan contestants based on whatever the submitters asked?

Bow: she randomly shows up after an ad read. Mephone doesnt seem to even want her to join, but he receives a call from Adam to insist she join. Mephone seems quite resistant to the idea (which would be weird if he made her?) Most interestingly, she's the only one in this list that Mephone couldn't recover.

Dough MIGHT be one mephone didnt create, but it seems pretty likely that Mephone would create him as he was specifically requested by adam to get bow back. Dough does seem like something he'd throw together really quickly to cover his ass

The reason any of this could be relevant is that if they arent created by Mephone, they probably cant be deleted by Cobs.

Adam

Stuff about Adam (the character not the guy) has been kinda quiet lately? He was supposedly the producer of ii, and pays mephone apparently? He clearly has a role to play since he showed up in one of Mephone's memories and seems to be a creation by cobs. So observing his actions in s1 might be valuable, especially since cobs would be able to manipulate the show through him.

Some notable actions of his:

Insisting on Bow being in the show. This is doubly interesting if Bow isn't one of Mephone's creations. She could be an industry plant of some kind?

Telling Mephone to keep 4S out of the season finale. This is supposedly to keep the finale from going crazy. If Mephone had been successful, he wouldve been killed by Mephone 5. Its possible this was on purpose so 4 could be destroyed and replaced

Investing in another season. at the end of s2, despite things going wrong, he tells Mephone they're going to do another season. He sweetens the deal by offering a raise and agreeing to get Mephone an assistant (Toilet). Cobs clearly got invested in this show, so it makes sense he'd encourage more of it from the shadows.

Mephone 4S

Yeah talking about 4S isn't anything new, the fandom's obsessed with him. I am too.

The implications of Mephone4 being in 4S's body never really got explored in s2. I guess they were similar enough that it didn't really matter. But he clearly still has some relevance in the modern series. One of Mephone's memories shows him getting developed as a replacement for 4, and he actually appears in Invitational, Sorta? Clearly Mephone's bothered by the sacrifice he made.

At the very least, the show's reminding us that he existed, so maybe he still does exist? I don't think he's going to necessarily make a comeback or anything but I dunno. It seems like he might be able to talk to Mephone in his head so maybe there's something to that.

Evil Paper

Im just gonna be upfront that I don't have a dissociative disorder and its not my place to talk about how it works or what is good or bad representation so I'm not gonna get super deep into talking about this. I'm just curious if the team has any plans for addressing Evil Paper. They seemed to make an effort into writing Yin Yang more thoughtfully (whether or not they actually succeeded, again, not my say). I could see them giving Paper similar treatment. If they did I doubt it'd be very plot relevant though.

Is the Taco we got the Taco we were supposed to have?

I've actually seen this conversation circulate a little bit already. This sort of debate could apply to any character really, but Taco is perhaps the most interesting example because she's so involved in the latest episodes AND because Brian actually addressed a tweet about this.

Taco behaves like a goofy idiot for the majority of s1, only revealing at the end that she was faking it so she would make it to the end. She specifically says she was "built to win" (the quote Brian addresses), and shows a much more competent side when she actually competes. In fact if it weren't for Bow's interference, Taco would have won the challenge (another case of Bow being weird).

This all seems to imply that Taco may have been intended to win the series by Mephone. Cobs points out to Suitcase and Knife that Mephone had "high hopes" for them, so it's not unreasonable to say that maybe certain characters were liked over others. Mephone never seems to give special treatment openly, but that doesn't mean that when he made certain contestants he didn't at the very least expect them to do well.

What is highly unlikely though is that Taco was created to be a twist villain. This results in Mephone's death after all (though the activity of Bow and Mephone 5 also could be to blame). Especially since he had pressure from Adam to keep things running smoothly, it just wouldn't make sense that Mephone would specifically create someone to toss a wrench in things. Most likely Taco developed like this on her own accord.

But that also raises the question, if she wasn't meant to be a villain, what was she supposed to be? How much of the taco we have now is the Taco that Mephone created? We don't actually see how he reacts to her "reveal" because he's in the middle of running away from 5. But everyone else clearly never saw it coming. OJ specifically comments that this doesn't seem like "the Taco he's been competing with all this time," and while that's written in reference to her reveal, it also could mean she WASNT the Taco he'd been competing with. We do get a hint or two of her true self in previous episodes, but its possible she wasn't ever supposed to be like that.

I think its possible Mephone4 created her as a goofy goober joke character initially, and over time, she changed. She developed into a more tactful and villainous character with her exposure to the contest.

A few things in the most recent episodes might allude to this. One thing being how in ii15 she discusses how she became aware of how much the contest is changing everyone, herself included. Secondly, in ii16 she tells Pickle that at the time she didn't consider how her actions were going to hurt him. This is a really shitty apology and no excuse for it, but it ALSO could mean that at the time, Taco really didn't think about it. In S1, she claims that she was just using him, but we don't know how aware of herself she was back then. Its possible that there was a past version of Taco who wasn't deadset on winning no matter the cost, and being in the game changed her.

Anyway these have been my slopthoughts. It's like 9 pm and ive been writing this for like an hour. Maybe most of this wont get addressed at all in the series, but I figured i might as well compile it down since I just finished s1

#ii spoilers #inanimate insanity

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cookiedough77 · 4 months ago

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PLEASEEEEEE IM DYING TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR OCSSSSS 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

oh my gah

well heres some... refrences i made a while back GAH I NEED TO DRAW MORE OF THEM UH UH UH

man ok so i put alot of their lore into a google doc ill just like copy and paste alot of it here:

Okok more of a deep dive on these guys because i wanna do more with them

OK JAY BACKSTORY

So initially, jays mom like wiped out a bunch of superheroes, like when jay was really young (he cant remember it) and shortly after, what very little heroes were left or heroes who were only “super” because of the gear they had, an order was created, to try and take her down

His entire life he was raised by his evil ass mom, mainly manipulating him inot thinking humans were bad (they are generally human but with so much magic into their system that they really arent anymore i guess, similar to like a vampire or a werewolf or something). Its not that jay didnt believe his mother but more of he knew something was wrong with what she was doing, how she was going about things

His mother was a wanted criminal for years, and she was mainly destructive or whatever because her husband died idk-

Im making this up as i go, her husband died from too much magic intake? Like he couldnt handle it, but jays mother blamed humanity because “they were the ones holding him back from his potential”

Jay barely knew his father, so its not like he had a super connection to him

Now while he was growing up, he didnt actually see his mother attack superheros, mainly took her anger out on civilian, even then she didnt like kill them or anything. So he didnt see his mother as a bad person….. UNTIL

A new superhero actually DID show up, or merely, one that was “taken down” and came back, and maybe or maybe not jays mother wanted him to kill whoever it was and hes like “uh NO????” she does it herself and jay immediately wants out of this, but he doesnt exactly have a choice, so he starts disobeying her for like a year, and then…

Another superhero shows up, a young one, a new one, a vulnerable one. Im not exactly sure how kylo and jay interact and stuff at first because i guess its the “beginning” not the backstory idk sooooooo save that for later!!!

Anyway well i guess kylos next which is complicated man

Gah you’ve heard about this, one of a bunch of orphans actually survived some mutation and that was kylo, who initially wasnt even given a name, kylos name shows up later

So because theres a “superhero shortage” the order decided instead of waiting, to just make more, no matter how, they just needed strong enough heroes to take down any threats, including jays mom, and yes i know i need a name for her

Now remember when i talked about kylo having “siblings” yeah so there are others, just none of the orphans, “failed attempts” before kylo, too much of the mutation so they're not really “usable” and they science people are trying their hardest to make them “work” they also dont see them as real people!!! Hahahaha

Anyway kylo was kinda like raised like this, usually isolated from the other attempts because she was “perfect” and it was mainly two scientists taking care of kylo, they were new, and didn’t have much experience in the field, kylo was their first “assignment” and btw idk they’re a couple, and when kylo turned 10 they both suggested before kylo going out and “being a superhero” that she should like interact with real people, she looked human enough, and she could blend in, and learn like basic empathy from other people/kids

The order approved this and those are basically kylos adoptive parents.

BUT not before wiping all of kylos memory!!! Hahah they’ve tested it out before, and decide to use it on kylo, to not mess with anything, and the memory just doesnt “go away” its like a polaroid camera and rolls of memories spills out, and they keep it safe, locked away

So kylo spends like 3 years homeschooled, and realizes that shes “different” than others (kylos parents didnt really explain anything to them (they werent allowed)). So she comes up with a dumb constume like all heros and decides to make good use out of it

This all leads up to the actual beginning of the story which is like i dont even know where to start but like i can tell you that kylo and jay team up, obviously jay has more experience with his abilities and is like the main person to take down his mother, but kylo definitely helps

The order “meets” kylo and lets her stay obviously, and jay… well they’re wary of him, and make him stay in the building (where the order resides) to keep an eye on him, and this is basically where jay stays until like hes 18

Jays “indenity” is quickly released to the public, an requirement from the order, and jay tries to do whatever they say to make him seem trustworthy (because he is, my poor boy), all while, kylo is instructed to not tell ANYONE who they are, and kylo follows the rules at first, but over the years she likes to challenge them alot.

Jay and kylo quickly become friends and trust eachother obviously uh uh, yeah, theirs other villains of course, and kylo and jay become friends even while civilians but kylo is told to “not get so close” but they try anyway bruh idk

A lot of things happen and ill probably draw some stuff out or talk about it because man theres so much up in this noggin and it yearns to be free

#not ml #ocs #oc

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shreddeddescent · 4 months ago

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i think the the untrained eye the way ive presented my leo and raph might make it seem like their characterization has been reversed (someone might be like aha rise fan ass) but like i think the way i see them is like. okay. raph is the oldest brother and they all know that, but he gets to a point where he just cant be the one in charge. and despite leo's immaturity at a younger age, he really comes into his own when he's you know.....not being abused by an evil fucking father. shredder's conditioning never worked on leo cuz it all went into raph first, and then raph broke apart when he hit puberty cuz alllllll that specific conditioning went out the fucking window.

so trying to make leo get his brothers in line never worked. and he actively fought. and he was actively punished for lashing out about it. that sounds like a classic raph thing you know, being angry and acting out. but we're talking about a kid whos 12 and never had to do that being hit with responsibility. very much like ahaha NO? ends up punished. ends up getting raph punished. shredder thinks its cuz raph coddled him. he thinks tang shen coddled his kids when she was around, now he needs a new woman to blame. so if leo fucks up, raph gets punished too.

raph seemed more put together younger cuz he was barely letting himself be aware of how bad the situation was. he picked up the pieces of his brothers and never worried about himself.

being in a safe environment let leo turn into the mature one who was able to handle being a normal teenager without fear, and it turned raph into a fucking maniac who didnt understand that no one was about to hurt him again. he cant handle it, he gets way too close to his mom about how fucked up his dad is and he resents his brothers for not seeing her the same way he does.

i should also say it seems like ive been neglecting the donnie and mikey part. what i think is interesting about their perspectives is that they don't exactly feel caught in the middle of it, but they're both aware their father didnt care about them as much as leo and raph.

mikey was told he was coddled, he ended up malnourished in a way that stunted his growth and it makes raph specifically see him as way younger than he is and he parentifies himself to mikey, which he accepts cuz like. that is the closest thing to a parent mikey has. they have a weird relationship, mikey genuinely sees raph as mom sometimes, definitely more than he'd ever see splinter as one. she tries, but its very much like 'you just showed up when i was 9 i dont know you but thanks for caring'. he's the same age as donnie but has somewhat age regressed in the sense of like "oh, people need someone to be happy! and be funny! i can keep this together cuz im okay! people need a baby brother thats me! im fine!" but hes not.

donnie was very much aware shredder saw him as spare parts because he was born broken to his father. chronic pain, he's weak. he didnt fight as good. he was told he just wasnt trying hard enough, that shit was all in his head. while he knew that wasnt true he didn't fight anything, he behaved. he thought he'd be killed over anything, so he moreso observed the situation, recognizing the patterns of abuse and processing it a little faster. he was ignored for the most part, used as the bargaining chip for his brothers. 'i could simply give him to stockman to make use of his DNA'. empty threat, he's only got four turtles. waste of money to get rid of him. he knew that, maybe his brothers didnt. he and raph kinda bond over being broken from birth in a way. even though donnie is the fastest one to point out no raph, youre a boy, stop talking about yourself like your body is broken and wrong. he kind of oversteps but only because he hates the idea that raph thinks he's just as broken as him for something so fucking common.

leo's a good big brother to mikey and donnie, he doesnt treat them like they're babies as much as raph does, hes aware of their capabilities more. aware of their mental states more. post escape, raph bonds with splinter too much, leo bonds with them. they might sneak out sometimes and pretend they're cosplayers out in the street. he lets them go have fun like normal kids. hes a good brother, he's determined to let them be kids when he didnt get to be one.

raph would fucking lose it if he knew leo let them do that. but he sleeps all fucking day and has no idea. he's way too in his own head now cuz he's got time to fucking think for once. and he doesnt want to.

#just ramblingggggggg #dont know how much of this makes sense but enjoy a look into the dynamics at play?#thinking #leo #raph

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gale-gentlepenguin · 1 year ago

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Gale Reviews: Elemental

(Get it, cause there is a character named Gale thats an air elemental. Lol. thanks @knightsweeties for the GP)

Now Elemental is the most recent Pixar film and it was marketed Poorly. With the recent mid to bad movies Pixar had been putting out, Disney likely wanted to just let this movie rot.

Is this a pixar flop or is it a Gem put off too soon?

Animation

Plot

The Characters

The Romance

The Lesson

Final Thoughts

_____________________________________________________________

Animation

Look, if there is one thing Pixar does is good animation.

Elemental is a good looking film, there is detail and the way the characters move and interact with the area of Element city is phenomenal. Its clear that the animation team wanted to really show how each elemental worked and went about their day.

My favorite bit of animation had to be when Ember and Wade were in the underwater museum, it was gorgeous and had a beautiful moment.

While it is great, it is also nothing ground breaking. Its a good looking animated film, but compared to the caliber I have seen this year it doesnt stand out as something astounding. But it is still very good animation

9/10

_____________________________________________________________

Plot

Ember is a fire elemental that is being prepared to take over her father's store. But as her first chance to prove herself pops up, she has a fiery outburst and it causes Wade to pop out of the store's pipes.

After chasing him around element city trying to stop him from submitting the citations to have her dad's store closed down, they end up on the same side trying to fix the leak that started it in the first place.

The two, while being opposite elementals, end up gaining a spark for one another. But her being a fire elemental and him being a Water one causes more than just a physical clash, but a cultural clash.

The rest of the film is exploring their relationship and helping Ember realize what she really wants to do with her life.

The film's plot isnt an epic adventure its actually quite grounded in reality. Its a story of a child of Immigrants that feels like she owes her parents for the life she leads and wanting to meet their expectations while also finding out things about herself. The movie also explores themes of racism, culture clash, as well as other themes that make the film more real in ways one wouldnt expect. Honestly handling the racism thing better than Zootopia, especially because there was no bad guy in this, just real life obstacles and dealing with coming of age.

But, the problems around the Film start to crack when the main reason Ember's parents left Fire land makes no f***ing sense. Only their house was destroyed, they had family and friends in fireland that could have helped them, especially because it was only their house!

Also Wade's mention of not getting along with his dad is interesting but without having a single flashback or interaction with the long gone daddy of Wade makes it ring hollow.

Then there is how things in the film wrapped up a bit to quickly in the third act.

Though with those problems aside it is a very heartfelt film.

7/10

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The Characters

Ember: A Fire elemental that had spent her entire life learning and training to be ready to take over her father's store. She is confident, quick thinking, artistic, abrasive and short tempered. Which unfortunately makes it hard for her to deal with customers, her temper. And while initially seen as a negative, Wade's perspective on her anger wasnt negative, he phrased it as a positive, that her emotions were trying to tell her something. Sure enough, he was right and it was that despite living her entire life groomed to take over... she didnt want to take over the store. And hearing about other avenues and jobs made her wonder if maybe there was more to life. She loves her family to the point that she felt obligated to take care of the store. Ember is probably one of the most in depth characters Pixar has ever written and I wish there was even more explored with her.

Wade: A water elemental that is super emotional. He is in many ways the exact opposite of Ember. He is nervous, clumsy, great at communicating, emotionally secure and kind. He is lost and looking for a purpose to drive him, taking different jobs to try and find his path. After meeting Ember and seeing how driven she was he couldnt help but fall in love with her. Ember becomes the focus and drive for him as he wants to be a better person for her. Despite being smitten he is also ready to call her out on her BS, and he wants her to acknowledge her emotions. He wears his heart on his sleeve and when he cares for someone he goes the extra mile.

The rest of the characters are solid. Ember's and Wade's families being rather hilarious in their own way. And of course Clod, the GOAT. Gale is also an interesting character that shows how family memories can help shape us as people.

The characters are solid and I do wish Wade was explored more, I know the movie had only so long.

8/10

_____________________________________________________________

The Romance

I liked it. I think it is very well done and pulls the audience in.

It never feels awkward or weird, it just feels like seeing a relationship that wants to work despite everything going against it. Honestly it is a good allegory for couples with Cultures that are different from one another. The culture shock and how families can initially view your SO as an outsider or have a negative bias against them.

Ember and Wade bring out the best and worst out of eachother and it works because they both care about the other and want the other person to be happy. Its a love that grows and adds so much as each scene adds more.

Now since its a movie it might seem like it happens fast, but it actually is well paced.

And lets be real, you were on board once 'Steal the show' started playing over their dating montage.

9/10

_____________________________________________________________

The Lesson

The movie has several lessons that I think could fill this spot and it tackles each with varying degrees of success.

Loving your parents and understanding that you are not obligated to follow their dreams.

You never know who you will fall for, and even if they seem different they can show you great things

Understanding one's emotions and heart is the first step in pursuing what one wants

There are also talks on how having bias against others is bad, which is true, but I think the 3 listed address more of the core themes of the movie.

They are good lessons and some are done better then others.

7/10

____________________________________________________________

Final Thoughts.

Its a solid 8/10 for me.

Pixar has been going through a weird period but this film is more in line with their better films.

I cant say I think it is one of their best, but its far from their worst. If this is the direction Pixar wants to go in then I will call it an improvement.

This film is underrated and could use more love

#elemental #gale reviews #pixar #disney

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yearningandpatheticaboutit · 9 months ago

Text

SPEAK FOR YOURSELF

CHAPTER 16: WOOYOUNG

wc: 5242

warnings: mention of death, violence, drugs etc, SMUT

prev chapter

***

san

i remembered that wooyoung was afraid. he was scared of what would happen if miss A ever found out he shot mingi and deliberately antagonized a hotshot black dragon. looking back, i thought the black dragons would be anatagonized anyway because we caused shit in their side of town to get yunho back, it shouldnt be this big of a deal.

so why are so many bad things happening?

i didnt go to school today. i emailed all my teachers a forged sick note, claiming i couldnt leave the house because i went to the doctor and got diagnosed with sinisitic dizzy spells. most of my teachers are really helpful and good people, so they sent me the work they did for the day so i wouldnt miss out.

being a 'delight to have in class' aka a quiet smart kid who wasnt a pain in the ass had its perks sometimes. regardless, i used my morning to get all my money ready, of which i had just over enough to go to miss A to get her off my back.

when i get there, the place is crawling with old gangsters. miss A is screaming at people and when she sees me she's shocked, as if surprised i actually had guts to show my face. shes propped behind a round steel table in her garage, leaning back in her chair and the room goes silent as her eyes are on me.

"look who it is," she says to me, dipping her cigarette in her ashtray. "Lucky, you better have good news for me."

i bow to her and put the potato sack of money on the table. unfortunately i didnt have anything really fancy like a briefcase. im a fucking gangster on a budget.

she glares at me. "potatoes? is this some kind of joke?"

three guys restrain me out of nowhere, holding a knife under my throat. my breath gets stuck in my throat and i only manage to force out one thing. "m-money."

she doesnt tell them to let me go, which pisses me off. what the hell did i do to make her this mad? she lifts the opening of the sack and only when she sees the cash does she wave the gangsters to get off of me.

they drop me so hard i fall with my butt on the floor and i make no real move to get up in case they jump me again. instead i get to kneeling. "miss A, that's the money from all the dealings."

"i can see that. oh wow, you actually decided to be useful," miss A says, getting up and coming up to me. she puts her hand down on my hair and gently scratches it like you would a dog and i struggle to not show any fear. "if only wooyoung could be like you."

her words make me sweat. "where is wooyoung, miss A?"

i swear, if she laid a hand on him. i dont know what i would do, but no one here, including me, would be left alive.

her eyes darken. "i was actually hoping you would tell me, Lucky. your brother has become a magician. a cold case."

she doesnt know? did wooyoung actually skip town?

"i told him to bring me the hand of who killed my boys or else i would have his. he hasnt been back in days."

fuck. this is bad. im actually starting to get dizzy.

someone rolls into the garage, and my face drops in horror at the man and his disfigured, burnt face. hes in a wheelchair, an armbrace and has a bandage wrapped over everything but his mouth and eyes.

"you and your buddy got changbin and a lot of good boys killed. look what they did to seonghwa." miss A says.

that's fucking seonghwa? he looks fucked. hes never recovering. he wouldve been better off dead. now he really looks like something out of a horror movie, a real, terrifying disfigured butcher.

"that hongjong motherfucker," miss A laughs but there's nothing joyful in it. "he came into MY warehouse, burnt MY cargo, killed MY men. and all because he was looking for you two."

im struggling to breathe. i dont show it but im silently breaking down. i cant take my eyes off seonghwa. thats it? thats my future? i might as well kill myself. seonghwa killed yunho, he was one of the topdogs in the gang. im fucking nothing. if thats what that hongjoong guy could do to him then its over for me.

"he said that?" is all i can get out. miss A lifts my chin and forces me to look at her.

"you're not a boy anymore, Lucky. you'll always be a baby in my eyes, but its time for you to get serious, dont you think?" she tells me. "wooyoung is gone. so someone has to fix this. you know the rules, you make a mess, and you clean it up."

"miss A-" i start stammering. i feel like im going to cry. "we didnt do anything. we never even met that hongjoong guy. wooyoung shot mingi because he tried to kill him. it was in self defence."

"did i ask for an account of what happened?" miss A's voice drips with sarcasm. "i dont care who did what. but my boys paid the price. i wont let an attack on my turf go unpunished. you find wooyoung and you two will go and kill that fucker or i'll have you swimming in a fishtank with the rest of yunho. am i clear?"

fuck no. fuck my life is over. i just started having sex and now i have to die. this is a fucking nightmare.

"yes, ma'am," i nod my head. "when do you want this done?"

"before my boys suffer another attack. he wants you, so let him come."

"you won't find him," seonghwa says and he sounds like a lays packet trying to talk. his voice is raspy and sounds terrible. "he only shows when he wants to be found. and he wanted to be found that day. so make him come to you."

i dont want him anywhere near me! i want to scream. look at what the fuck he did to you.

i have to run away. i have to do it tonight. i have to take everything. i cant think clearly, my brain is beating so hard i can feel it in my ears.

i nod and get up and miss A distractedly starts counting the money. "so you got the money fast. i always knew you could do it, you were just lazy before, yeah?"

i had help, i want to say. yaera's stealing, her savings, wooyoung stealing all mingi's gambling winnings, fucking jongho. i couldnt have done this on my own. i would have been dead by the end of this month.

i did all that, just to stay alive. only to have another target on my head. this...it never fucking ends. its only going to get worse. i cant win. this game, its unbeatable.

i almost want to laugh out of pure irony. and yaera wanted me to ask miss A for a fixed amount. she wanted to help me pay off my dads bullshit debt. im never going to be free.

my hopes and dreams are gone.

"you still have your dad's gun right?" miss A asks me. i say yes in the smallest voice.

she smiles. "you better get to using it then, Lucky."

i leave miss A's garage with nothing left in the tank. nothing but another assignment. an assignment that will kill me.

im the sacrificial fucking lamb. why is she doing this to me? because she thinks i can do it? because she wants to get rid of me? i did what she asked of me. i got her yunho. i got her the drug money. now she wants me to kill an assassin? an assassin that already has a bodycount of seven?

and hes brutal. four of those were other gangsters, luckily none of those were ours at the time, but he guts every one of his enemies. he was connected to a murder of a prostitute. and cut out the stomachs and sliced off the hands of two guys who apparently looked at his sister.

what the FUCK am i getting into.

i get home and i dont know what to do. everything comes crashing down on me. i throw my fist into the picture frames on the wall, sending glass bursting everywhere. i look at the picture of my parents, feeling nothing but burning hatred. i hate them both. i hate my mother for leaving me behind in this shit life and i fucking hate that bullshit excuse of a sperm donor for killing me.

he killed me. he signed my death sentence.

i start tearing everything apart. im ripping my apartment to shreds because nothing matters. this is all useless, nothing, i wouldnt fucking miss this place. i have nothing but awful memories here. but my anger doesnt last. it comes crashing down so fast that im left to collapse next to my bed and i cant stop myself from crying.

its over for me. everything is.

i had nothing to begin with. nothing except...

without even thinking, my bleeding hand reaches for my phone on my desk and calls her. she picks up on the first ring.

"san?" her voice is comforting and i dont know why. i dont fucking know this girl. she doesnt know me. but shes all i have. and i dont even reall have her. "are you okay? you never call me."

i cant even speak, im heaving into the microphone and sniffling uncontrollably.

"san?" she sounds more concerned. oh shes concerned for me. thats nice. i'll remember how nice it feels when i die.

"c-can you come over, please?"

i dont even recognize my voice. its cracking and its like the pained whimper of an animal. she puts off the phone and i wrap myself around my bedsheets, curling into a pathetic ball.

shes here within 15 minutes. i dont know how she got here so fast. she was supposed to be at school. it was still one period before lunch. she must have been skipping. i wish i skipped more class now that i know im not going to live very long. studying all that shit was pointless. i should have been living like her. like i dont have a care in the world. but i cant. and i never could.

she walks into my apartment with her eyes wide, dropping her blazer off her shoulders and onto my dirty floor. "what the hell happened? are you okay?" she runs and puts herself infront of me.

"did someone break in?" she holds my wet face. i never stopped crying. not once. she looks horrified seeing me this way. i cant imagine how bad i must look. "oh my god."

she hugs me. she hugs me and i grip her so tightly till i feel my lungs tighten. the tears are pouring harder now. im staining her white blouse.

"im going to die," i choke out. "they're going to kill me."

"what?" she gasps. "who?"

i try to speak but i dont stop crying. this is fucking awful. she shushes me and lets me continue, rubbing my hair in the softest way that makes me hope i wont die, just so that i'd experience it more than once.

"im here, dont worry."

of course you are. you're always here. always invading my apartment. always working on my nerves. always in my head since i fucking met you. i wish i didnt take that for granted for as long as i did. if i knew this was all i'd have left.

i dont know what possesses me. i pull away from her, my hands drift up to the buttons of her blouse. im careful so she knows i wont hurt her the way he did. she watches my bleeding knuckles, looking at me with tender eyes. she doesnt stop me. i flick open the first button as she stands above me.

"can i?" i choke out. "this is all i have."

she starts removing her own buttons. "you dont even have to ask," she tells me.

she trusts me so much. if this is all i have left then i dont want to destroy it.

she drops her blouse, revealing her bronze, skin bare skin and black bra. the sun in my blinds isnt doing her justice. i reach behind her and unclip her bra and her boobs spill out right in my face. her skin is warm. shes so warm. she lifts my ugly brown hoodie off my body, trailing her hand down my stomach.

her touch feels like satin. i dont deserve it. she doesnt deserve this.

"i-i dont want to use you as a coping mechanism," i tell her but im talking to a wall. i dont want to but i am. im going to die and all i want to do is fuck her one last time. there isnt enough time in the world.

she kisses me sorely, with way too much emotion for what we really are. two broken, fragile people. we have no business with each other, but she kisses me like i mean something.

"for you, san, i'd let you use me however you want," she whispers against my lips. "as long as its you."

i feel my heart pain. i want to cry again but my dick is hard and i can only focus on two things at once. so i deal with my boner first.

i slide down her thin, pink underwear from under her skirt and it drops to her ankles. she steps out of it and pulls my sweatpants out from under me, immediately sliding herself onto my dick.

she moans softly into my ear and it feels like heaven. shes like heaven wrapped in one complicated woman. she could destroy me. she could ask to end me and i would let her.

i'd rather it be you than anyone else.

i grip her softly and my hands are stinging but i dont care. i feel weak. but somehow with her here, it doesnt hurt as much. shes riding me slowly, its crazy how without any foreplay shes already drenched down there. i guess she does like me a little.

she peppers kisses all over my neck as i hold her up, losing my mind as she slowly sinks and rises onto me. i never fucking liked our stupid school uniform but seeing it on her like this, with her on me, just makes me lose my mind. jongho doesnt fucking know what he missed out on.

"you know i care about you right?" she whispers into my ear. "its about more than just the money. you know that right?"

my lips her are on her chest and i kiss her there slowly. "i know," i mutter. actually i didnt know that. i dont know what the fuck she sees in a dickhead like me.

"good," she says, then pushes me down to my back. she adjusts herself to straddle me properly but i cant watch her struggle to please me. i get back up and flip her under me, pushing her back down gently when she tries to protest.

"but-"

"i want you to feel the way you make me feel," i say. and i never thought i'd ever utter words like that. fuck, no wonder everyone thought i was gay.

i drag my lips down her perfect, sculpted torso and plant them onto her shivering, wet hole. she whimpers weakly as i stick my tongue inside, slowly impaling her with it. i dont care that im taking my time honestly. im going to die, so i might as well make this as long as it can.

i drink up her bitter juices, lapping my tongue across her slit. the moans she lets out are otherworldly, definetely worthy of a noise complaint. i dont mind it. i feel useful for once in my life. i slowly inch a finger into her warm hole, sucking on her pleasure button while im at it. i'd call it her clit, but thats too rough for me.

"san please," she begs. "i want you so bad, just fuck me already."

i stop at her request, getting up and over her. i line myself at her entrance, pushing in slowly. she throws her arms around my neck and the eye contact we have as i just lay there inside her is enough to make me drop it all. i'd drop it all and leave with her, wherever she wanted to go.

her hole feels like home. my dick fits perfectly inside her. its warm and hugs me and i cant get enough of it. i push in and out slowly, taking in her eyes. they havent left mine. her lips are parted in bliss, and i decide to kiss them. she moans into my mouth, and it feels like a fucking spell being casted on me. i accelerate the pace, and the lewd sounds of her squelching and our breaths syncing up are all that can be heard.

it turns around so fast. im fucking into her at a pace thats desperate. like if i fuck her any slower, its going to get taken away from me. everything will. her legs are wrapped around my waist and she clenches on me, as if she doesnt want me to ever leave. i dig my fingers into her skin, holding onto dear life as i feel myself getting closer.

"wait," she breathes. "i wanna do it standing up."

i pause mid stroke. "how?"

"against the wall. lift me."

i go along with it. we get up and she lays with her back against the wall, lifting her leg so i can put it in. i pick her up and she slides onto me perfectly, and this new angle makes my brain go foggy. its so much deeper and tighter, i can feel her soak onto me.

i start ramming into her against the wall and her hair is hanging down her face, making her look like a sexier version of the grudge. she looks utterly lost in it all, and its so enjoyable to watch. i feel like im doing something right seeing her looked so absolutely fucked out.

my legs grow weaker as i hit her walls, feeling myself getting closer to the edge. shes demanding, with her legs wrapped around me she wont stop till ive been emptied.

"you're so fucking perfect," she whisper-whines, and its enough for me to blow. i completely blow inside her and she creams on me at the same time, our juices mixed together like some fucked up smoothie.

i drop her and she doesnt remove her arms from my neck. instead she pulls my body towards her, till we're chest to chest, completely naked amd kisses me harder than she ever has before.

this isnt even because we're fucking. she just wants to do it. and honestly, i needed it so badly.

when she pulls away im left yearning for more. it makes me sick. "thank you," i tell her. "i needed this."

"i know," she says softly. "tell me everything."

***

after i tell yaera everything, we're sitting on the bed beside each other, a painful, weighing silence between us.

"what are you going to do?" she asks, sounding hopeless.

"i have to kill the guy. or miss A's going to kill me."

"the police?" she says but knows immediately it wont work.

"i'd die before miss A sees trial," i laugh emptily. "and i'd go to jail for sure. she has enough on me to make sure i'm wanted."

she's frowning. she's realizing money cant buy my freedom. or my life.

"after you kill that gangster...nothing will be the same," she says. "you'd have blood on your own hands."

i shrug and stare out of my window. "it ends here, yaera. for both of us."

she stands up abruptly and looks like she wants to break into sobs. "no you can't disappear after this. i still need you."

i smile weakly. hearing that makes me feel better. someone will miss me.

"when i'm gone, you can have my apartment. i have some money left over here, maybe you'll be able to get away for good. you'll never deal with that freak again."

she's not happy with my answer. "no, san. i dont want you to go. i dont want you to disappear. cant we catch a one way flight? can't we run? i'll run with you. i promise."

she actually wants to stay with me. when i dont answer yaera bends down infront of me, holding my hands. i cant believe how quickly things turned around. i have so much to lose.

"when you finish your business, we're getting the fuck out of here, okay? promise me. i'll get the tickets, i'll get everything ready. but promise me you'll come back to me."

i cant promise that i'll be alive. i want to, but i dont want to lie to her.

"i cant promise i'll make it back, yaera," i mutter. a tear rolls down her face. "and even if we run away, is this really sustaintable?"

"is what?"

"us?"

she scoffs. "i dont think now is the time to think of what we are. i dont care about defining this relationship, thats not important. all i know is, you're all i have."

"you're all i have too." i whisper.

"thats enough for me. so promise?"

"okay, i promise."

"good, now lets clean up here and pick a place on the map."

yaera and i spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning up my shattered apartment. i take my parents pictures and throw it in the spare room where i dont have to see it. when we're done, yaera makes herself at home and lays down in my bed watching youtube. i get dressed and she switches off her phone when she notices.

"where are you going?"

"remember those gangsters you met the night you followed me? im paying them a visit." i tell her.

"your dad's old gang...are you going to ask them to help you?"

"yeah. i wanna see if they've heard from wooyoung. get help where i can."

"okay. is it cool if i stay over?" she asks. "i dont feel like going home."

she doesnt even have to ask anymore. i say my goodbyes and make my way downtown.

getting into mao's place has always been shady, im surprised there are guys outside the door. they see me and are shocked to see me, letting me in and muttering shit in cantonese under their breaths.

i find mao sitting around a table and gambling and by god, i find wooyoung too.

he freezes when i see him and i have half the mind to beat the shit out of him. this is where hes been the whole fucking time?!

"sannie!" mao yelps with his cigarette dangling off his lips. "look we're finally good enough for him again! i heard you've been visiting everyone BUT me!"

i run across the room and catch wooyoung before he can run. then i pick him up and toss him into the closest wall. "you DICKHEAD!" i scream.

mao's men jump up from their seats and get between us. "woah woah woah!" mao shouts. "no fucking fighting under my roof! take that shit to the alley!"

"what the fuck man?!" wooyoung huffs. "arent you glad im alive?"

"you couldnt pick up a phone? you couldnt call me to let me know?" i snap. "i thought you fucking skipped town!"

"i had to toss my phone!" wooyoung stresses. "miss A is looking for me."

"i KNOW! I KNOW SHES LOOKING FOR YOU BECAUSE ITS BECOME MY PROBLEM, WOO!"

i start laughing hysterically. "we're fucked. we're both fucked because of you and i hope you know that."

wooyoung stands up, dusting himself off. he has a remorseful look on his face. fucking say something coward.

"i tried to keep you out of it," he admits shamefully. "i was gonna get it done."

"you were gonna kill hongjoong by yourself?" i scoff. "you'd be done for before you even do anything!"

"mao gave me a gun," woo says. i look to mao and he shrugs.

"you know about this?" i ask him.

"as long as he doesnt involve me, i dont mind helping out," mao says. "i dont want black dragons on this side of the world, but bae su ji is losing her touch."

"who the fuck is bae suji?" both woo and i ask angrily.

"Miss A."

"you know Miss A's government name?" woo questions. mao shrugs.

"we used to date in high school."

we're getting off track. im still fucking angry, i turn to wooyoung.

"so? let me hear this fucking plan of yours."

"i dont want you involved san. we cant both be dead."

it feels like my veins are going to pop. "she's going to KILL ME if i dont fucking do something about that hongjoogn fucker. he put seonghwa in a wheelchair and killed changbin. shes going to kill me if i dont get involved, woo, so just tell me the fucking plan."

"hongjoong's sister is getting married soon," mao interjects. "woo's gonna wipe him out there."

"and then im going to skip town for real," woo says with a dark look. "mao's arranged for me to go to hong kong. im gonna work for him there."

"you know who was also supposed to go to hongkong?" i laugh darkly. "yunho."

the room falls into uncomfortable silence aside from the sound of dominoes hitting the table.

"i'll be there, woo." i tell him. "im leaving town too."

"where are you going?" both mao and woo asks.

"im leaving with yaera," i answer woo only. mao is confused and wooyoung tells him its my girlfriend.

"you left Flor?" mao is shocked. i sigh remembering that yaera gave mao a fake name when she followed me. i dont dignify him with an answer.

"alright man," woo sounds defeated. "now you know. i didnt wanna keep in touch because i didnt want to make things worse."

"they're already bad, woo. you not telling me changed nothing."

ive calmed down significantly. i feel defeated but at least i know this bastard is alive.

"what about mingi?" i question. "he started this shit in the first place."

"im taking them both out," wooyoung says. "mingi's the groom. hongjoong's walking his sister down the aisle."

how convenient. two birds with one stone. now, how were we going to get out of it alive?

"WE, wooyoung," i correct him. "WE'RE taking them both out."

***

yaera

after i helped san clean up his rampage, i saw something interesting in his spare room.

i stare at the daewoo k5 in my hands, i never realized san was the kind to keep guns. with the way he lives, i guess i shouldnt be surprised. he needs it more than anything.

something dangerous popped into my mind when looking at it. the first thing i thought of was wiping santo off this earth.

wouldnt i be doing a good deed? taking that rapist, pedophile and fucking freak off this planet?

he called me again. from a different number. i never pick up unknown IDs because of him. but i picked up this time, and all i heard was him breathing harshly.

"i dont like being ignored, yaera. it hurts my heart. you dont want to know how i act when im hurt."

i wonder if yasmine found out, and thats how she ended up where she did.

i know he wasnt anywhere near her when she died, but the thought that he touched her the way he touched me...the fact that she enjoyed it. it was driving me insane. i feel myself losing it with every single thought that flashes by me.

i just want to leave. i want san to finish up his business, come out alive and free me from this place.

we decided on soroa, cuba. europe wouldnt be a good place for us to start over in. latin america would be fresh. its going to be better.

i tried to keep busy but my stomach ached for san. with every apartment i looked at, every beach and every municipality i imagined living in, i had a thought of san never seeing it. i feel so fucking helpless.

i cant fix any of this. i never could but ive never felt this cornered before now. if anything happens to him, i know im going to end up in a ward. i cant leave this place without him when he helped me get to this point.

my parents have left me so many missed calls. so have irina and claire. none from anya? thats weird. she always leaves me the most calls.

i decide to call irina back. i havent heard from them aside from drug related business so it'd be nice if she could take my mind off the fuckery thats been taking place. they always have the most interesting things to tell me. vacationing in saint tropez, partying in monaco, i'd love them to tell me about cuba.

irina picks up first ring. "hey girl–"

"you fucking bitch," she snares at me. i jolt up from the bed at her tone.

"hello?" i repeat in confusion.

"anya is DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!"

fire creeps up on my skin. it feels like all my hairs raising.

"w-what?"

"she fucking mixed whatever pill you gave her and she threw up all over herself. we fucking rushed her to hospital and she didnt make it!"

this has to be why my parents called me. oh my god. oh my god anya's dead.

"i dont know what you mean," is the first thing i say. probably not the best thing but its the first thing i could get out. there has to be people around her right now. i cant risk it.

"now you dont know what im talking about?" irina snaps. "you fucking killed her."

"anya has a history of drug abuse, irina. why are you blaming me for this? im sorry for what happened but dont call me with this bullshit ever again."

i quickly put off the phone and start hyperventilating. fuck this is a mess, my parents probably found out. they probably know. if i go home im screwed. i cant go home, they'll keep me there.

how do i stay out of this. i know i cant go to jail, none of them have any proof that i dealt them drugs. not a single shred of evidence. there are the cellphone records, but those calls cant get traced back to me. the phone's too old. i need to stay away from them.

i have to fix this, somehow. i cant unload it on san he has enough on his plate. but it sounds like ive made an enemy out of the closest thing i have to friends. i dont know what to do.

i look at the gun on my lap. i have to finish the story.

***

next chapter

tagslist: @sansonlygf @brown88 @yujispinkhair @mountiiny

#ateez angst #ateez imagines #choi san angst #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez crime au #ateez gang au #ateez smut #choi jongho #choi san #park seonghwa #song mingi #choi san fluff #choi san smut #ateez x reader #ateez ot8

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avorbl · 1 month ago

Text

Avor's Watchlist for weeks 46 + 47

Winter seemingly started early around here. So I need these shows to brighten up fast because freezing temperatures and late fall darkness are depressing enough on their own.

Currently Airing

Jack & Joker: U Steal My Heart! 11/12 There are some good parts in every episode so I still put them on but most of the episode gets skipped

Love is Like a Poison 10/10

Love Sick 2024 11/15 The series has arrived at the couple era for the main and secondary couples and is moving into the struggles before the end. As was to be expected with such a big cast not all of the stories get the consistent attention to make it a wholly satisfying watch.

Fourever You 8/16 The Bas Maxky story is not working for me and if it wasnt for Ngern Pond and Earth Cooheart I would have dropped this already.

Usotoki Rhetoric 6/10 I love this exploration of what a lie is. Especially since the parameters for the poor gentleman detective comedy have become more established

Light of my Lion 6/11 Its getting deeper and deeper into the definition of family

See Your Love 6/13 The mutual appreciation and the resulting motivation make this a standout feel good show.

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days 10/12 Gettingthe promise of a separation and the finalisation for Tan and Liu makes a heartbreaking last act for Xiao and Lu more likely. All being made easier by the youthfullness and care that they show in their interactions.

Bad to Bed 4/10 The weekly look at queer life or queer issues makes this a community building project. I am not sure if it has an overarching narrative.

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan 4/10

Our Youth / Miseinen 3/11 Technically and storywise the most enganging right now.

The Nipple Talk 6/10 A more story focused look at queer life and the biases we all carry aound

Fragrance you inherit 3/8 This is building up some layers. I am interested to see how they going to contrast mother and son finding themselves

Caged Again 3/10 This is fun it gives child detective/adventure novel vibes although the rating seems to say there is a bit more in store here

Your Sky 2/12 I am enjoying the dynamic but I am not sure its enough setup to last twelve episodes

The Heart Killers 1/12 There is an excuse of a plot but most of it seems to be situational. Expressionless Joong doesnt do it for me though.

What I am catching up on

Unstoppable High Kick 28/167

The Princess Royal 27/40

Word of Honor 23/36

Fight for My Way 10/16

Playboyy 2/14

Kiss x Kiss x Kiss: Love ii Shower 1/

Still on my watch list

Sell Your Haunted House 5/16

I Feel You Linger in the Air 1/12

She and Her Perfect Husband 20/40

Fermat no Ryori 3/10

Blue Complex 10/?

Tengu no Daidokoro Season 2 2/10

Even if it's just a dream that I'll forget when I wake up 5/8

Stealing from My CEO 16/61

Buddy Boy 5/?

Finished in the last two weeks

Love in the Big City 13.11.24 10/10 A wonderful adaptation that while close to the book in its tweaks seems so much more hopeful and life-affirming.

Smells Like Green Spirit 14.11.24 9/10 Queer coming of age the decisions we make and how they affect us.

Eccentric Romance 14.11.24 6/10 Relies on the murder for the plot but doesnt take it seriously. Which means that it is easy to watch but lacks any kind of impact.

My Best Boyfriend 15.11.24 6/10 They have good chemistry and a good story could have been built on that but it got bogged down by side plots presumably to keep the supporting cast engaged which means that this cliffhanger ending leaves a bad taste and does not really encourage the support the creator is asking for.

My Damn Business 16.11.24 8/10 Entertaining small production. Realising a office fantasy.

Dominant Yakuza and Wimpy Corporate Slave 21.11.24 8/10 Professionally done Surprisingly sweet Not much substance

Every You, Every Me 24.11.24 8,5/10 Having them go from shorter to longer series showing the progression of their careers and then going into them losing themselves in the job whilst maturing. I wish they would have gone for a more obvious overarching throughline I had fun in the different worlds though.

Dropped in the last two weeks

Kidnap 11/12 eps 15.11.24 5,5/10 I got too bored and barely made though episode 11. And when I tried the last episode it just seemed like a continuation.

#avor watches #watchlist #aer float

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swiftfootedachilles · 2 years ago

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Hi! You asked for an ask and I’m always down to ask so…do you have any headcanons about Mickey’s time in Mexico?

wow you managed to ask me about the only thing of this show that i HAVENT rlly thought about so hats off to you

uhhhh okay first, PRE-MEXICO. i think mickey broke out in the first place because he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him. i think if ian didnt break up with him and dedicated himself to being a prison boyfriend (?) mickey wouldve stayed in. (i also think he wouldve found a skeevy defense lawyer who owes the milkoviches some debts and appealed his conviction bc lets be honest its total bullshit that he got locked away just based off sammi's unreliable testimony. like where the fuck was debby to lie under oath and say mickey was with her the whole time and she saw sammi take more pills than usual and go outside to move things. sorry im losing the plot this is NOT the time to discuss my s6 rewrite.) mikey haf absolutely no reason to stay in prison, stay in chicago, so i think after nearly 2 years of no visits from ian he just gave the fuck up. why not try to escape? hes smart, he can conjure up a decent plan, right? worst case scenario he goes back to prison, which didnt really fucking matter to him bc he was in prison anyway and he just. didnt care anymore.

so, he broke out and contacted ian ina last-ditch effort to get the love of his life back. he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him, but at the docks hes obviously still shocked to hear ian moved on fast enough to have a boyfriend already. then ian agreed to go to mexico and mickey was SO READY to start LIVING HIS LIFE. he thought that would be IT. him and his lover in mexico at the beach, getting away from all the bad memories of chicago and having a place to START OVER!!! then ian changed his mind last minute and mickey was fucking CRUSHED. AGAIN. and all of a sudden now hes in mexico alone and all his previous plans went out the fucking window because he totally didnt spend the past few days rearranging his plans to revolve around ian being with him.

i dont really think a lot about mickey's time in mexico. i think he was sad. i think he was angry. i think he just did what he could to stay alive and try to move on but he never really didnt. i think he kept his head low and did his job in the cartel and tried to learn spanish but it was too fucking hard so he gave up on that pretty quickly and attached himself to the multilingual members of the gang. i definitely dont think he had a boyfriend. im sure he fucked around with other guys, but i also think he spent more time laying in his shitty apartment that he shared with like 4 other guys trying not to cry too loud thinking about what could have been.

i also dont think he worked for el chapo lmfao sorry to anyone who thinks that but the timeline doesnt even line up. and if he somehow did have a part in taking down el chapo he wouldve been put in witness protection. he probably wouldve gotten killed anyway tho

my dumb ass didnt realize he got a new tattoo until like deep into s10 and i gaslit myself into thinking it was always there LMFAO but i love that he got another tattoo there. i like to think this one was with a clean needle. i dont think this happened in canon, but MY mickey wouldve gotten a tongue piercing! perhaps other ones too. a couple other tattoos, a cartilage piercing, an eyebrow, his nipples. idk. just to change his appearance more. yeah. thats. the only reason.

anyway i think he got back into the US by working with an undercover cop and being a part of a pre-planned drug bust that included him being "arrested" and making it seem like he got extradited to the US only for being wanted. if he wouldve just waltzed into a precinct and said "hey i got dirt on this cartel" his as wouldve been killed so quickly. it needed to be a lot more covert so the other members didnt catch on and get rid of him. i do think eventually they probably figured out he was the anonymous witness whose interviewed were used in trial, which is why when he gets released in s10 the CO tells him the cartel is looking for him. sorry im going all Law & Order here talking about a s6 trial and now a trial against the cartel i need to stop

#if hea trying not to get tracked down he should probably get that tattoo covered up #i could go into my post-s11 headcanon of everyone needing to fake his death kinda like s1 frank but More. but i shant. i have to go to work #long post #wall of text #sorry yall but i dont want this to be under a readmore i want it to be all There!!#gallavich meta #shameless meta #shameless #asks #mickeysgaymom #will retead and edit if needed once i get to work and have a mfing break #ok to rb obviously #gallavichmeta

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sadisthetic · 2 years ago

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jaya string of fate au

ive mentioned string of fate au a few times here. ive finally put it together into a post. okay so the reason why ive taken so long to transfer this is bc ITS FROM JULY OF LAST YEAR. i wasnt sure if i should lightly edit it or rewrite it. because it started out as me complaining about rebooted and then me fucking craving fanfiction and hurt (i do this 24/7) and then it morphed into this au that also doubled as character/relationship analysis and me fixing rebooted with my bare fucking hands in the context of this au

anyways. jaya string of fate au with emphasis on the heartbreak of s3. half of this was written half a year ago. man i was so mad about s3 back then lol

been thinking about s3 again. whats even more frustrating about the bad het drama. is that they didnt even give jay and nya a proper break up. granted their get together wasnt on screen either BUT IF YOURE GONNA OH SO RUDELY TEAR THEM APART LIJE THAT. THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS DO IT WITH MORE FUCKING PURPOSE. THE WRITERS JUST PITCHED A WRENCH INTO THE WORKS AT BULLET SPEED JUST BECAUSE! JUST BECAUSE THEY WANTED DRAMA. BUT FOR WHAT!!!!!!!!! MAKES ME FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL IT DID IS DO JAY DIRTY AND NYAS CHARACTER DIRTY

nyas fucking integrity spit on. you didnt have to make her be like that. it just really fucking made her look BAD. god i wont say jay was a perfect boyfriend but he didnt deserve THAT.

anyways. i want a canon compliant jaya breakup fic set in s3 (present jem speaking: I STILL WANT THIS BY THE WAY.) im so certain nobody has written this. i think heartbreak could be a form of whump if you make it hurt enough.

well. technically. it would be more emotional hurt fic rather than whump. but im a guy who has his definitions twisted. this is whump to me. also im a guy who thinks unromantic things as romantic but also loves love thats void of romance above anything else. i can do both. anyways.

i want jay to feel absolutely crushing heartbreak. i want jay to be hurt. i want him to feel it in his chest. unfairness— rending, jealousy— twisting, want— squeezing. all he yearns for is to be with nya. because he loves her. but apparently... nya doesnt feel the same way. and it hurts

i want to consume heartbreak. i think itll be crunchy on the outside but soft and squishy on the inside. absolute chewable pleasure. lightly salty and bittersweet. i also wanna squeeze jays heart like a stress ball and maybe cause arrhythmia. scratch it a little (a lot). jay is my emotional and physical fucking chew toy

and so to make heartbreak a bit more whumpy tho... i thought up of red string of fate au...

in this version of this concept, the red string of fate is something that needs to be tied by the pair together. and the feelings behind it is what gives the string color. but sometimes if a love is fated to be, the red of the string is instantly, intensely vibrant, almost glowing

but you dont know who your soulmate is until you actually get together and tie the knot. it is not preexisting, the string does not connect people together for them to find each other before they even know the other exists. it only exists when two people make the decision to bind each other to themselves. most people dont find their soulmate but because its so often the case ppl are content with someone who isnt bc you dont need to find love in your soulmate alone, love is abundant in other places. but that isnt to say the red string of fate isnt romanticized in society tho. anyways. nya likes jay and their string is a pleasant warm red thats a little pink. its typical color for those who arent soulmates but its ok

jay is a little smitten in a slightly overbearing way tho. i think they are a couple who are a little bit mismatched in terms of showing affection. and also nya is very independent type so jays chivalrous tendencies grates on her a little but she lets it slide bc to her, jays positives outweigh his negs. hes cute and funny and they both can geek out and bond over tech stuff. thats a part of the fun.

but then the match maker thing happens and nya doesnt immediately start considering cole as a romantic interest. but she does start... considering things tho. why cole could be her match. and if he really is her soulmate. why isnt jay her perfect match? its less nya becoming interested in someone else and more nya examining herself to think about what she actually wants for herself and what she wants in a person and if jay really isnt the right guy for her in the end. she doesnt know if cole would actually give her what she wants more than jay does. but she does grow more aware of the mismatch between her and jay

but before anything could be done about her doubts and dismiss it all and just carry on with their relationship, jay finds out in the trailer and is devastated. and intensely jealous of cole.. because hes been a bit insecure about his and nyas relationship for a while now also. he jumps the gun too quick before nya could reassure him so then that Fight happens and things get messy and ugly really fast. jay makes himself look really bad in front of nya which unfortunately reinforces her doubts in jay and she thinks. maybe they shouldnt be together after all.

and so one night nya talks to jay alone. she explains herself. how shes been feeling about them. how she wants to focus on herself. and that hes too much for her and hes stifling her and she thinks it would be better if they cut things off and go back to being friends. and then she cuts the string that binds them together before jay could even object. it stings for nya but for jay it feels like his heart was sliced in two. literally. he feels a sharp pain that makes him clutch his chest. for nya, she had more time to process the severance. because she was sorta falling out of love for a while. her side of the string has become desaturated and dull. which is why she doesnt hurt as much

she doesnt realize how much jay truly loves her and how much it would hurt him when the string was cut. so when jay falls to his knees, tears falling, she just turns and walks away because she thinks its just from the heartbreak. she knew she was breaking jays heart

she doesnt realize how much hes literally hurting, how she left his heart bleeding. she knew but she didnt know. its most painful experience jay has ever felt in his life. a searing ache. theres a sudden painful void instead where there once was nyas love. its loss that was much too abrupt

heartbreak cant kill a person but it can leave them wounded. and with an abrupt disconnection like that, its why jay hung onto those feelings for nya for months after even tho he never acted on them. his half of the string refused to wither away and he didnt want to discard it either. how could he when he still loved nya. but he couldnt do anything about it though. nya made up her mind. and jay knew her well enough that she would probably hate him more if he chased after her. and so... he kept his feelings close to his chest and his sad, loose thread wrapped around his finger tight all the way until skybound...

—

okay. now present day jem speaking. that was the end of original story i had written on twitter... its meant to be a missing scene (inbetween seasons) fic + au. canon compliant except for the fact its set in this au. so skybound more or less carries out the same way. except minor details being changed...

such as nadakhan approaching jay. he tells him he cannot fix or create strings of fate. but he can give him other means of winning nyas heart...

although this isnt a part of the “fic” i do imagine at the end of their divorce era.... nya who had casted away her old string, remakes her string to tie to the end of jays (and her) old one where she cut in. the thing is making strings of fate is something anyone can do regardless of being fated to be or not. what the string of fate is in this au is more of an oath... an intention to be together to the end of time. the two people are choosing to bind their fate to each other. nya, who had felt stifled in a relationship and decided she didnt need to be in one back all the months ago, realized something in skybound.... the string of fate isnt a contract or a shackle. not like how she thought... its a sentiment of how much you care about somebody to want to be connected forever. till death do us part. and jay very sincerely wanted that. he wanted to be with nya forever. and nya realizes... despite all his flaws, she really cares about him. she does want to be with him forever. she wants to be together with everyone, all her friends, her family forever. i think she doesnt know the nature of her feelings for jay. they are a bit conflicted and shes not sure how to sort out her desires from her feelings. but i think she decides to give jay a second chance of sorts. when they tie the loose ends the color on nyas side is an ambiguous grey barely tinging pink

she tells jay she doesnt want to just get back together. she wants them to start over. and jay isnt sure what that means. and by the color of the string hes not sure if it means theyre dating again either. its a very ambiguous ground theyre standing on. but... jay takes the fact that nya retied their string to mean something. that nya isnt rejecting him anymore. that she cares. that he means something to her. it gives jay hope. his feelings for her havent changed... but he decides that to just be. and take things slow. hes happy even if hes confused by what nya wants. hes connected to her again.... and that means so much to jay

i think that their relationship from the end of skybound and onward is a bit more slowburn. well its a weird sorta slowburn. because theyre together but not really. its about them figuring their relationship out. and also nya falling back in love for reals. i love navigation of ambiguous relationships. i think for a while for nya the term “girlfriend”/“boyfriend” is more loaded than the term “soulmate”. thats how fucking weird their relationship got. whats not ambiguous is that nya does love him. she wouldnt have retied their string if she didnt. whats ambiguous is the nature of that love.... its not quite platonic but shes hesitant to call it romantic. whatever. they have time to figure it out

okay. that turned out so much more aro than i was intending. but i do like leaving it like that tho. feelings are difficult to navigate arent they sometimes? how they figure it out is up to whoever. love is love. they are more than “just” friends. but romance itself is a difficult and different beast than love. but jay and nya.... they meet halfway somehow. even if it takes a bit of work

ALSO. LOOK AT THIS ART BY DAN @rotten-dan he drew it for me several months ago when i first finished this au’s original thread which ended at the breakup skdjgthulkd. HEARTBREAK!!!!!!!!!!! YEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you again dan for drawing this for me

—

also. heres some bonus supplemental worldbuilding that doesnt pertain to story stuff but fleshes out how i picture the world in this au to work. most of this was written to answer dans questions about this au lol... not necessary to read unless if youre interested in my take of string of fate concept lol. or unless youre interested in the bit about bruiseshipping in this au at the very end

the string is often attached to the ring finger. so its a very romantic gesture when couples tie it together to each others fingers. like putting wedding rings on each other but its more of a cute fluffy thing rather than binding. not ceremony but its a Thing. its the same level of formality as asking someone out. and string is like. supernatural. its not completely physical but its definitely exists and can be touched. but not as if a literal string is tied to them if you know what i mean? like if the pair are far apart then the strings middle isnt visible but the ends that are tied floats towards the direction of their partner. the string is like. metaphysical. its a perceivable, somewhat tangible representation of love

but if desired the string can be cut if the parties want to separate. but it usually hurts. like a lot of breakups do.

okay so. the thing is with like. almost all soulmate aus. is that they know about their soulmate. or that the evidence of who it is is instantly visible. and like..... that sorta kills part of the fun? of falling in love?

so what if they dont know until they decide to try each other out first. thats the like. the thought behind the set up for this

like. theres sometimes the occasional dumbass whos going off constantly try to find their soulmate but ultimately a soulmate isnt someone you can simply Search for and find. so those kind of people end up being pricks who never will find a soulmate in their life because they dont want to work things out with ppl who arent their soulmate. the pursuit of a soulmate will usually end in disappointment

but sometimes. for the people who do find their soulmate. its because they gravitated to each other in the first place.

like they fell in love with each other naturally. they liked the person for who they are. and so they decided to get together because they enjoy the other person so much. so when they realize they are meant to be they laugh like oh of course! they were meant to be. theyre like the hallmark movie couple of couples and the few of the very lucky ones

not being soulmates doesnt mean you can only fall in love with your soulmate tho. you can fall in love with anyone. regardless of whether theyre your soulmate or not. and even if theyre not. why does that fucking matter? the important thing isnt that they arent meant to be, but that they love each other anyways. isnt that more romantic? fuck fate the one i love is you

usually nonsoulmate relationship take more work. because the instant perfect chemisty of fated couples isnt there. buuuut. isnt that how love is like in reality? love is work sometimes. love is sometimes hard. but love is also worth it. so making the decision to work for it is more easy the more youre in love. not always the case. but in the healthy couples its usually the case

previously that the feeling behind the thread gives it its color. so. the string can end up being a different color if the feelings felt arent romantic love. most people dont know this though bc ppl who usually tie it are couples. and also it takes both of them to tie the string. every single relationship has a theoretical string color. its just most people who actually want the string are couples usually couples. and so for example, most aros dont ever even think of trying to tie it with someone bc they dont want that kinda bind. but if a curious aro wants to try it out bc they are questioning about their best friend if the two of them agree just to see. their string could actually be a different color than red. because the feelings behind it are platonic

its also entirely possible for a string to be entirely black between enemies hfhjskl. but however those kind of pair would usually NEVER tie the string together bc you know hbghsk. enemies. but if they were. it would be that color. but maybe some insane enemies who are obsessed with each other would do it tho. you know fated enemies and such

..... i have thoughts about bruiseshipping in this au also. theyre best friends, they can bind each other if they wanted to. they have the mutual sentiment required to. but due to the culture surrounding the red string of fate specifically, they never think to. even if they did consider it once they didnt ever bring it up bc awkward!!!!!! the string of fate is the symbol of love. couples treat it a bit frivolously but it is a loaded thing. the string of fate is conversely isnt strictly about love but its just often the case when you want to connect the souls of two people for eternity its usually because of love. theoretically i think their string color would actually oscillate between black and their standard representative color (maybe ill go with light blue lol....) depending on if theyre fighting or not. because it would be funny if it did. also. i think they might try it only after jay and nya retie their string of fate. because then they see its an option to tie strings of fate nonromantically. so theyre like... hey.... do you wanna like... just see? and thats that. two besties bound. jay has two strings of fate now

hysterically it would be funny if all the ninjas did it to each other. it would be a mess. but a colorful one. you know those ship charts where ppl draw lines for their otps and notps. its like that but its not shipping its just relationships and also every single person is connected to every single other person. not saying it has to happen in this au its just that the image of it is so fucking funny to me i had to say it. it would be useful tho if they wanted to find each other wherever they are. practical

maybe they should do that. idk

anyways. thats the end of my au. the post is longer than my og thread of it hjhklkjlkghjf. anyways. thats my weird subversion of string of fate au for jaya. writing the endgame jaya part tonight made think again. damn. im so fucking aro. i think the way i write romance always turn out not so romantic because of it. but also. THIS IS PEAK ROMANCE. SUBVERT BORING ROMANCE TROPES INTO SOMETHING LESS AMATANORMATIVE AND MORE INTERESTING FOR YOUR ENRICHMENT. I RECOMMEND IT. ITS MORE FUN. thats my biased aro ass speaking tho. but for reals. subvert tropes. find out what makes something truly romantic. anyways thanks for reading all of this. i am very fond of this au..... especially for the breakup scene lol...............

#my concepts #jaya #jem.txt #ninjago talk #its shorter than hanahaki au at least #also this is THE MOST aro take on string of fate possible #there might be typos it is 5:30am #ninjago

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eggs-and-autism · 3 months ago

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a deatiled ecplaination of every anime ive ever watched part 2

part 1 i found talentless nana on a whim after geting bored of my 4th rewatch of school live club. it had simaler genres so i was exited. i dont know how to describe my love forr tn other then the fact i was so enraptered by it that i had to grab my sketchbook partway htough the seires. if you have not watched it DO IT RIGHT NOW, DON RESURCH IT JUST START IT!! !!SPOILERS!! i was so confued on eptisoed one i figured nano was just a weird pronouncaton of nana, even wheen nana was introdcued i just assumed they had the same name lmao; so yea end of ep 1 hit me like a fucking truck. i do not have words to describe my love for the trope of "cute/sweet character was actually putting on an act" for god sake the comic thats held me hostage for the last 4 years had it. as if that wasnt enough the fact even THAT is subverted laster on???? insane! i was ont the edge of me seat every episode. it took me until ep 3 or 4 to clue in on michinana, but i assuemd it wouldnt happen bc that would be bad for michieru. AND THEN THERE WAS THE INTRODUCTION OF JIN. THOUGH MICHIRU. y'all. i had to pause the show to cope. one must understand that TWO "cute character is actually putting on an act" broke my brain. the toxic yuri potenchal there. the "we look like besties/gfs but actually are holdingg eachother at knifpoint at all times" potenchal. the "*just stabbed her and about to do it again *waow shes pretty i wanna kiss her-I MEAN WHAT" potenchal. i was a shell of a man. then jin was reveled and i was once again destryed. littrally wrote in my doodle notbook "SHE IS GAY." as much as i love toxic yuri, i LOVE "yuri where one of them gets the other to question a deeply held beilf on accedent and now the only thing she can think about is her. and she cant even tell if its an exastencal crisis or a crush or fear or hate or all at once. and meanwhile the girl who broke her worldview is just happy to be around her and cares about her and doesnt know she is littrally a murderer." yah. i really love tn. as soon as i was at school again i begged my friend for 3 days straight to watch it and just called my other friend to force him to watch it and it was the only thingi could draw for weeks.

i didnt go out looking for new anime for a while. that is until a saw a video about so calle "loser anime" and decided to watch one of the ones mentioned for shits and giggles.

dress up darling is a bit hellish to watch, but i love it nonetheless. there is so much 2nd hand embarrassment, like actually almost killed me. Marin and gojou are unironically really cute. theres actual chemistry there. i like how at the beginning gojou sees marin as the epitome of what he lacks, she is open about her weird intrests and loved for them. gojou thinks he innately lacks something she has, making it impossible for him to have friends+ interests, but though tout s1 thanks to marins charisma and people starting to see gojous talent he finds more friends and people who appreciate his work. he doesn't innately lack anything and his biggest mistake was entirely giving up on finding friends.

and so it begun, my hobbee of finding anime i herd was bad and watching it to try to find some sort of narrative warrant within it.

so i had enjoined rachies cover of idol for a while without knowing the show it was from. i saw a video saying Oshi no Ko was good but impossible to recommend to anyone, the video said to watch it without knowing what it was about and i was intrigued. and oh my god. this anime dug a whole in my brain. listen most of it was fine and cool and not even boring, but. the first episode. [go watch it for yourself the les you know the better] SPOILERS!! seriously what the fuck kind of ferud bs was going on there. every second of that episode was fucking insane. "why is he to into that idol lol" to "HES FUCKING DEAD??" to "HES REBORN??????" to "HE CAN TALK????" to "freud couldnt even edge to this. straight up EXPLODED. clean up isle, his pants" to "what do you mean you being a girl before you were reborn means our privlaged to suck you moms tits what the actual fuck" to "waow they scared that babysitter" to "they wouldbe so cooked if their mom didnt asume they were smart" to "waow aqua is a lil freak i love him" to "waow shes really intersting and her trama responce allowing her to seced in her carreir while making her feel shalow is intersting" to "SHES FUCKING DEAD???" i ranted to my friend about it for about an hour and my voice was so score from walking laps while screaming about hoe W E R I D some lines were. didnt even bring up other eps. like i said they were fine but wow.

a while into the year i remembered a manga i really liked as a kid had an anime now, AND IT WAS DUBBED!!

i loved new game as a queer kid who would latch on to any media with wlw relationships. the anime was as i expected, same as th books. i didnt dislike it but it was more then a little boring. i think a lot of Kou and Rin's relationship was really queerbaity but ig not bc it got canonized at the end, witch is awesome. i havent watched or read it but hey we take a win. honestly i might pick it up again someday for the nostalgia.

summer 2024. from june to early aug i was on and off watching Hitorijime My Hero. witch. i would not reccomend: ITS NOT THAT BADD but it needs a

MAJOR TW!!: dont watch hitorijime or read my thoughts on if you dont wanna see: sa and victim blaming, grooming depicted in a morally positive light, age gap relationship depicted in a positive light, did i mention sa? theres a lot of it witch happens at various degrees of severity.

and even tough it pissed me off i was demanded to watch it. SPOILERS also ahead!! THE FIRST ARC ALONEE pissed me off so much. idc enough to google their names so hair color timee. ok ok the premiss was actually really cute. brunette dudes childhood friend(ginger) moveds back and has a crush on brunette but has no idea how to confess. brunette is oblivios and ginger is already a quite person so like ok theres a plot there this could be cute. episode 2 ends with ginger kissing brunette after brunette told him to stop and tried to push him off. then this bitch ass ginger threatens to end their friendship if if he cant (AND I QUOTE)"do whatever he wants to him" what gets me about the show is how realistic some of the reactions are. brunette is torn because he cares about their friendship but dosent want to be, like, assaulted more. he plays it off as a joke to keep the peace. i cannot express how accurately this depicts abuse, its what got me to sit tough so much of it. it was uncomfortable to watch but i told myself i would see it as a depiction of abuse and not a romance, because i under that context i genuinely think there may have been something to gleen from this narrative. ginger is mad at brunette for having friends so he threatens to abandon bruntte if he doesnt let him assult him again, and god the reluctant agreement from brunette hurt me. acceptance isnt enough for ginger, hes mad that brunette cant force himself to have feeling for him so ginger insults him in the worst way he can think of and ditches school for 2 days. maybe im projecting. the writing didnt seem to intend for this so come off as manipulative, as something to break down brunette till he accepts this reality. but can you blame me for sympathizing with brunette confiding in his other friend, clearly distressed, and being told in responce that it was his fault.h brunette's friend says hes wrong and brunette is the one who forced ginger to kiss him. i dont think its wrong at all to see brunette 'realize hes been wrong the whole time' and goes to ginger seemingly of his own will; and think this is a story where someone is broken down until desperation or stalkhome leads them to accept their abuse. there's no love there, its not a happy ending and writing about it makes me sick. but its feels realistic. normally i avoid seeing myself in fiction, but i couldn't help but relate to brunette enough where i had to take breaks while watching hmh because it made me sick. and that was the first arc. when i realized the rest of the show would be the student-teacher relationship with a 12 year age gap i decided 7 or so eps in i would drop the anime bc i genuinely couldn't handle it.

hmh moved me emotionally, it was impactful and i didn't want to end my quest for good anime. somewhere out there their had to be a school live! or a talentless nana i haddnt watched yet. i finally figured out how to find the stuff i loved watching! looking though lists for tropes or tags, usually older more underground stuff. its hard to describe but i have a watch-list witch brings us to now. its my junior year and i love anime. heres a list of animes ive watched recently, completed or not, and some thoughts on them!

welcome to the NHK was huge. hell it still is huge. i cant recommend it to anyone but god i will post about it here. (minor spoiler ahead) please i swear the scene where satou goes to take pictures of school girls panties is part of establishing the character its not fansevice i swearrrr. ok but like as awful as that stuff is it genuinely isnt fanservice. when satou is straight up joirking it for like 3 days we dont see what hes looking at, theres like one bit where yamazaki walks into satous house and it looks like misaki is giving him head but like from the top of my head thats all i can think of. when satou does freaky shit hes drawn like a freak! LOOK AT THIS MAN DO YOU THINK WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE GOONING ALONG WITH HIM??

I CAN AND WILL TALK ABOUT NHK MORE SOMDAY BC I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON IT!

while stalking a facebook account i saw this image:

it reminded me of discourse i saw in 2022 over if femboy was derogatory to trans women. i see the argument, i really do, but honestly, i(a trans boy) LOVE the femboy/trap trope. first of all: 1st of all i like that feminine guys / gender nonconformity is thought to be generally cool within anime places(like even Facebook lowkey homophobic groups). second of all, i see where people see some "femboys" in anime as tras girl, its based like u do u boo. bu i think aspect of the femboy/trap trope are relatable to transmasc ppl too. for 1, there is literally NO transmasc anime. do not come at me with the guy in wandering son or that one mha character you know damn well thats not what i mean. in my quest for tboy rep i realized how much i realted to femboy characters. i too, constantly get mistaken for a girl and have the ability to embrace it or be upset about it. i will die on this hill but honestly cisgender 'trap' characters are better transmasc rep then any actual transmascs ive seen in anime just bc they are more interesting characters.

all that to say: i stated my teenage romantic comady SNAFU. its really good, very funny. Saika is litttrally me if i played sports. good times.

i also started princess jellyfish! Tsukimi is LITTRALLY ME!! no but for real i love this show i love how Tsukimi isnt conventually atractive. i love seeing her be autistic about jellyfish with her NEET roommates. i love her relationship with her mom.

and to wrap it up, the other day i binge watched another. its incredible and one of the best examples of how horror should be done imo. it doesnt rely on jumpscares, its keeps you on the edge of your seat every episode. SPOILERS AHEAD!!: i love how the veiwer is convinced mei is undead or somthing like that along with Kouichi, and when mei confims shes alive hes even an0olages he(and we) thought otherwise. not only that but i love mei in genrel. i love how she is just a freak and there isnt a lore reason. why does she watch the other students from afar? shes just like that. why is she so pale? shes just like that. shes just a weird little thing. why does she not run when somone is comming at her with a knife??? shes just like that. why does she withold the fact she knows who the dead person is when she could have saved lifes by specking up? she doesnt talk much. the fact she went into the whole exposition of the "i see dead things" bc of her doll eye and thats why she should be trusted to know who the dead person and only withi the last 15 mins of the last ep is like "o also i saw her fall in a lake" ?????? you couldnt have like??? started with that???? god i love her.

#unhinged rant #part 2 #the second part #anime ive watched #in chronological order #because im not evil #talentless nana #munou na nana #dress up darling #Oshi no Ko #new game!#Hitorijime My Hero #welcome to the nhk #my teen romantic comedy snafu #mtrcs #princess jellyfish #another anime #another 2012 #another

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writingtohealmytrauma · 9 months ago

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5/4/24

she left me 2 months ago and the pain is still so real and unbearable. 8 years of our life gone, she is now a stranger we dont talk, i want to talk so bad but she wants to move on and asked us not to message i want to talk to her everyday but i need to respect her decision's she still hasnt blocked me and i cant bring myself to block her number, not that it would do any good as i know her number off by heart, i managed to get the strength to archive our conversations so im not constantly seeing her name and our life everytime i message someone, i had been messaging her out of desperation and longing for connection with her and i can see by the read reciepts that she is seeing my message but choosing not to respond and it just hurts so much that this is clearly what she really wants and she is trying her hardest to get over me and us.

she tells me "We pushed it as far as we could" in reality she pushed it as far as she wanted. she tells me that she wants to have a family and she doesnt see a future with us after 8 years so she needs to leave me and find someone else to have a family with. she's 26 and wants to have kids before 30? so she cant waste any more time with us. i spent my life serving her, but it wasnt enough. i gave her everything. i literally made her breakfast and dinner every day for 3 years to prove my love to her, i flew her business class around the world i showed her a life she never dreamed off. i was there every day when she got home waiting to hear about her day, i ALWAYS made and had time for her always. she was my purpose i lived to serve her. all i ever wanted was to marry her, everyone use to have a go at me saying "why dont you marry her?" "hurry up and put a ring on her finger" like i was the problem? she was the one that would never commit. all i wanted was a family and life with her. I know her past trauma's have played a huge part in all of this, she come from a very broken family and has carried alot of trauma her whole life that she refused to deal with and that leaked into our relationship in so many ways. i truly believe if she had of dealt with her passed issues we would stil be here. she was not the only one to blame i also brought issues to the table but i have worked and turned myself out inside as a person to try and fix/overcome these and i feel i really did. she had an avoidance schema which was a real issue she would always run and shut off from us whenever things were hard, my mind is constantly telling me she was overwhelmed and her avoidance schema kicked in and thats why she ended it as there was no good reason to end it, weeks before she ended it she was telling me that she was finallly ready to get engaged after 8 years?? im so confused? I worry that she has realised this was an overreaction to a minor problem but her pride is stopping her from saying hey this is blown out of proportion can we try and fix this?? i would come running! i'd lay my life down to fix this, what ever it took whatever love she needed it is hers. I worry by the time she comes to this conclusion i will have moved on, not because i wanted to but because the pain is to great and i dont want to take my own life from grief. does one ever truly move on? will i still think about her in years too come? there is that weird sense of hope that we will get back together but i cant hold onto that. when we first started dating she saw a psychic (I dont believe in that stuff) but he told her that she was going to meet her partner and they would be together for life like penguins and that she would have twins with them. over the years i truly believed that and i made that a promise to myself that she was my penguin and that we would be together forever and have twins and i held onto that promise for so long, that promise got me through the hardest time in our relationship and now i feel its been broken it makes me sick to think that im not her penguin and some other man might be? she will have twins and a family with another man? makes me want to curl up and die.

It hurts so much that she wants to move on she couldnt do it anymore 8 years, meant nothing i know she wasnt in it for a long time i just kept pushing and pushing and exhuasting myself trying to fix it, i knew in the back of my mind that it was over a long time ago and that we wouldnt work in the future. she was my best friend though and the only family ive ever had all i wanted was to serve her and love her but there was always this twisted gut feeling in my stomach everytime i thought about our future, not from fear just uncertainty. we broke up once before for a short period of time and she bought someone back to our house within a couple days of us breaking up my mind reels at the thoughts of who she is with now who she is seeing.

**DREAM

I had a dream last night that we met up and i asked had she been with anyone else i asked her and i wanted her to say yes so i could hate her and move forwards in my dream she told me after a week of us separating that she had been sleeping with someone else she began to describe the sexual encounter to me with such joy saying it was hot and sweaty and that they didn't use protection and i remember feeling such a sense of a rage and sadness and sickness all at once in my dream, the though of her with another man made my sick. **DREAM

i woke up and i felt relieved as my mind was still telling me that was a real conversation and i hated her and could let her go and after properly waking up and realising it was a dream i cant shake the feeling the thoughts of that dream and what it meant to me. now i feel like i need to know if she is sleeping with other people so i can move on? WHY IS MY MIND ATTACKING ME LIKE THIS? i want to know that she is with other people so i can hate her so i can detach as i feel thats the only way i can move forward but at the same time i dont want to know either. i have no interest in other women right now, i dont think i ever will. i gave her every part of my heart and soul. ive only ever slept with 2 people in my life and have no interest in sleeping around being with other people, the thought makes me feel sick.

everytime i see anything slightly sexual it reminds me of her it makes me feel sick to my guts as to who she is with. i was her first and she was my second and to be intimate almost every day with the same person for 8 years is so special. i think its a mix of jealousy and fear fear because i know what other men are like and what they are capable and that she has not been exposed to how feral men can be and jealousy because what if she finds someone better than me? what if they pleasure her better or love her more. what if she is more attracted to them then me? she said to me that she still loves me and thats not that she doesnt want me she just doesnt think we have a future?? which is so insanely confusing cause how can you love and want someone but not be willing to commit to marriage and life together and risk going out into the world and hoping you find the connect you had with someone else.

she was my bestfriend, all i wanted was to be around her and in her presence and i think that makes this all so much harder for me. i feel like im one of those people that is always surrounded by people but feel so alone always. she took away the loneliness made me feel complete and normal maybe it was bad that i needed her to make me feel that way, maybe i should learn to feel that way before getting into another relationship. thats what everyone tells you to do. but does anyone actually truly do that? does anyone ever wait untill they are complete and feel whole before getting into another relationsip? i feel like if you were complete and happy being alone you would never get into a relationship at all so i feel like that kind of advice is a lie? what else would compel you to be in a relationship if you have learnt to be happy alone, i understand women having a biological clock and im led to beleive that some women have overwhelming maternal instincts and the need to have children but as a some what succesful male, if i learn to be happy aloen and enjoy my own company? why would i want to get into a relationship what would be the driving force behind that? so i think that type of thinking is a lie and fanciful.

i feel scared to go back home, i know i need to though. i left the state i live in to go stay with my cousins for a wgile to try and clear my head i dont know if it has helped our made things worse? im genuinely not sure.

im so scared of running into her, im so scared of running into her with another man. i dont know how to deal with these feelings of fear and jealousy. i just love her so much and my heart screams for her day in an day out.

even writing this now i feel sick at the thought the she is talking to somoene else and flirting with them and doing sexual things with them.

i think the hardest thing for me to grasp is her being sexually intimate with someone else. that seems to be the trigger for me to spiral and feel sick.

my psycologist told me that those are grief thoughts and to label them grief thoughts and that they will pass but they just make me sicker and sicker everytime i think of them.

im not eating, im not sleeping all i do is train. i feel so insecure and so scared i feel like ive aged so much in our relationship and that im ugly and un lovable so im just destroying my body to stay fit and become stronger than i am. i worry its becoming a mental ilnness almost a body dysphoria i hate myseld and everything about myself.

she was younger than me buy a couple of years and i know she is going to date someone younger than me and they will be fitter and stronger than me and it just hurts so much to think that.

i get angry cause i feel like she used me and robbed me of my life and my best years and that she never had any intention of seeing this through. she just used me as a vessel to get her setup in a career and financially.

#relationship #breakup #trauma #heartbreak #healing #self refle

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