#and then after saving and saving and sacrificing more and more of my mental health for 5 goddamn years

[hussyknee]

Still on a mental health break. Frankly gonna be a while before I want to step back into this racist cesspit. Just coming back to tell them, from the bottom of my heart, that I hope the ghouls saying, "The leftists and Muslims that wouldn't vote for Harris can now watch Trump bomb Palestine into glass," spend the rest of their miserable lives in terror, lose everything they love, die a drawn-out, agonizing death, and burn in the fiery pits of hell for eternity.

Biden-Harris wanted to maim, bury and burn alive, starve, and torture a thousand children a day more than they wanted to save your goddamn country from Project 2025. They sacrificed your lives for their own bloodlust as surely as they are doing the same to Palestinians. They continued nearly all of Trump's policies and went further right than the Bush Administration until even the Cheneys supported them. They deliberately hemorrhaged voters because they depended on you to scapegoat every minority they threw under the bus and the people having the correct reaction to having a genocide live-streamed into their pockets for 400 days. And now they tell you to blame Muslims, Latinos and Black men while white women voted for Trump in the same numbers as in 2016.

For once in your fucking life speak truth to power, stop going after the fucking left whose sole demand was an arms embargo to Israel and tried to negotiate with these demons every step of the way, stop making up conspiracy theories about commies and hold your fucking party accountable for their behaviour. Because you cannot fuck over so many voiceless people and expect your own lives to never be affected.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not paying for my fiancee's trip?

(Sorry mod, sending this again as I forgot to add an important context detail)

This is going to be long, I'm so sorry!

Okay, so I (23M) am engaged to a very wonderful fiancee (27NB). She's fantastic, and I want to make it very clear that our relationship is great - we have good communication, we never argue, we're always on call without getting tired of each other, etc etc. There is just one issue we have - her financial habits.

For context, I am disabled and can't work due to both mental and physical health issues, so I'm on disability benefits. She can and does work.

We're long-distance (she's in America and I'm in the UK), and we've been dealing with it pretty well so far. At the beginning of our relationship, we agreed that before we got to the point of talking about moving in with each other etc. we would need to have her visit me here at least once to meet my family and get used to how things work here (as she wants to move here), and I would need to visit her at least once to do the same there re: meeting her parents etcetera.

The agreement was that I'd pay for her to come here, and then when it was my turn she'd pay for my visit there so it was fair.

She first visited me about a year and a half ago and came over here for two weeks. I paid for her plane tickets, our transport everywhere (we don't have cars), the AirBNB we stayed in, etc. This ran me about £2k, which was all I had at the time, and I didn't have enough left over to pay for her food on top of that, so I asked if she could cover her own food costs while she was here. This caused a bit of an issue at the time as she was very clearly frustrated at having to do it, and would make comments like "Ugh I wanted a new computer but now I have to save for this trip", "I'm having to sacrifice so much to pay for this" and it made me feel incredibly invalidated, like I was covering everything else and also sacrificing a lot to pay for everything else for us but the one thing I'd asked her to help with was too much. We had a conversation about it at the time and she apologised and said she'd work on it, so we moved on.

Plans changed a bit very early this year, as I was due to get surgery and the friend who was supposed to accompany me there dropped out last minute. I had no one else nearby to turn to and I couldn't go alone (it was the kind of surgery where I would need someone around for at least 1-2 weeks afterwards to help me move around and do daily tasks). As a last ditch effort I asked my fiancee to fly over again and help me out, and I paid for this again which I was completely fine with doing as the trip was a favour for me and it was unplanned from her end. This was another ~£2k.

So cut to summer this year. This was when I was supposed to have my visit over to America. She, at this point, was making pretty good money at a school job. However, when I asked her if we could finalise the plans and buy tickets, she told me that she had no money.

This is where I explain that she's really, REALLY bad with money. She impulse-buys clothes and things for her room etc., she plays gacha games like Genshin Impact and spends quite a lot of money on 'pulls' and the gambling mechanic, things like that. It turned out that through the whole time of having this job she'd been basically spending money as soon as she got it and she now had nothing for the trip. I was admittedly frustrated with her (especially as she initially lied to me and told me she hadn't spent money on games etc. and then later confessed that it IS where the money had gone), but we agreed we could push back the trip to winter/Christmas-time to give her more time to save, and honestly I didn't really mind because I've never spent Christmas/New Year with anyone before, so shifting the visit to over those days would be a nice experience.

However, soon after this she was fired from her job for too many call-outs/absences. For the next few months, she didn't get another job - she said she was doing all she could and was applying for, but I often got the impression that she wasn't and was sort of throwing out an application every few weeks and then writing it off as 'done', which I could be completely misinterpreting so take that with a grain of salt. I kept pushing her to get a job so we could get the trip sorted out and I know she got kind of frustrated with me a few times for it.

I ended up giving up the closer we got to the time and offered to just cover it again if she could pay me back when she did get a job, and she agreed.

Unfortunately, after this I was rendered homeless due to my abusive home situation. I was fortunate enough to be offered government housing and I now have an apartment in town, but it's completely unfurnished (literally all that's in it is a single bed and a cooker, there's no flooring or anything yet). I now have to put all the money I have saved (about £3k) towards getting flooring (which is a little over £1k by itself), furnishings, getting the walls painted, sorting out gas and electricity, etc. I'm also now paying the bills for this apartment. As a result, there's no possible way I could afford to cover the trip anymore myself.

It looked like things were getting sorted because my fiancee got another job recently. It's pretty well-paying, she seems to enjoy it so she's not calling out, and she kept prompting me to talk details of the trip with her so it felt like it was all getting figured out and she was ready to finalise it.

Then today I asked her how much money she had ready for it and she said... $15. I'm genuinely lost on how she still hasn't saved any money, she claims she used it all on "bills" but she doesn't pay rent or cover any housing costs as she still lives with her parents, so I don't understand at all where it's all going. We have less than a month before the trip is supposed to happen, nothing is sorted, we still have no clue where we'd be staying, no plane tickets have been purchased, and now it's looking a lot like it's going to have to be pushed back AGAIN to next year.

I thought about trying to pay for it again, because I DO really want that Christmas and New Year with her. Delaying it again would also mess up our future plans, as the plan was to get this trip to America and meeting her family done this year, then spending the first half of next year on the Visa process and then the latter half getting her actually moved over. It also means I would have to delay my college education, as I was going to start my course early next year, which I wouldn't be able to do if the trip is next year instead as it would require me to take weeks off.

If I tried, I probably could cover it - I need to spend the ~£1k on flooring as that's already arranged, but I could technically use the remaining £2k to fund the trip. However, this would mean my house would remain unfurnished and barely habitable for months longer. It's not so bad if I know she'd be able to pay me back quickly, but the reality is that I don't know how long it would take for me to see the money back.

Part of me also feels like she's kind of expecting me to give in and pay for it last minute in order to not delay it, because I offered before and I was willing to pay for the last two trips. But it's just so depressing and frustrating, because it feels like I keep giving things up and putting things into these trips and getting her over here, and trying to get it back from her is just like running into a wall.

We've talked about it before, but she insists there's nothing more she can do, she's trying as hard as she can, and that she's upset about it too. I just don't know what to do about it anymore.

So I guess my question is, AITA for complaining about the trip, missing Christmas/New Year and pushing her on money and nagging her about what she does with hers instead of just taking the L and covering the trip again until she can pay me back?

What are these acronyms?

[cosmicheartz]

finished my updated Solange ref!!

i have a lot of lore abt her but some general info

does not like most of the bishops ( leshy is kind of the exception ) and HATES Nari. I'm toying with the idea that Solange ends up kicking the Bishops & Nari out of her flock for her mental health ( she only kept them around bc she'd feel bad but it gets to a point where its either keep them around and have her mental health/sanity suffer even more or kick them out so she can heal )

polyam ( in my current save i married Aym, a follower named Lavender and Jalala ( not sure if the Jalala relationship will be canon though ).

Solange and Lavender ended up splitting sometime postgame on semi good terms because Solange felt heavily uncomfortable pursuing a relationship with Lavender due to her newfound god status ( and the cult leader aspect )

Solange really only accepted Lavender asking her out/the proposal in the first place is because the last time she rejected someone ( the farmer she lived with prior to her execution ) he ended up selling her out to be executed. Solange also was under the assumption Nari would make her mortal after she killed the Bishops so she was planning on convincing Lavender and her sister to leave the lands of Old Faith so maybe Solange would feel less gross about the relationship. Unfortunately that didn't pan out so Solange decided to break it off

loves and cares for her flock but didn’t really want to be a cult leader in the first place. If not for the fact she would have been killed Solange would have given Nari the crown so she could leave the lands of the old faith and try to find a place to call home.

Postgame she tries to make the cult less cultish and encourages her followers to have some free will and be self sufficient w/o her ( which does sorta work to her credit ) but deep down Solange knows it doesn't really matter as a cult is a cult no matter how hard she tries to make it not so.

on a small side note i hc she isnt the last sheep ever but definitely the last sheep in the lands of old faith and the areas close to it. Sheep are still very rare however ( especially what would be considered " purebred " sheep )

voice claim is Sam Boole from PN2 ( example here )

moral code is a bit loose. She doesn’t exactly like to sacrifice their followers ( she much prefers ascension which she primarily does for her elderly followers ) but has little to no issue with sacrificing/killing off spies along with other things.

She can hold a nasty grudge ( see: her hating Naris guts ) to the point its probably detrimental to herself

Solange also made a sort of " deal " with The Fox that while she wouldn't give him Ratau she will give him both the bodies of followers who passed away and any spies that sneak their way into her cult ( along with offering him minced follower meat meals )

wanted to be an artist or a baker when she was younger ( They technically achieved the baker part as post game she starts growing wheat and making bread/pastries for her followers )

more doodles of her + concepts for some of her followers

[kaija-rayne-author]

Review 10.3 of Dragon Age Veilguard

74 hours in, 72 playtime

Obligatory disclaimer, feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I'm on media blackout while I play this, so I'm only getting second-hand info on how awful it is right now in the DA Fandom. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Spoilers for Dragon Age Veilguard

Section 10.2 here.

So. I didn't want to play tonight, didn't really have the energy. But I legitimately fear if I don't play for even one day, I'll drop it and not come back. I have ADHD, its a strong possibility, and I still want to see what happens in the story for myself.

I hereby announce that I am, in fact, Eating Crow. Game Lucanis is way better written and developed than in his intro story.

And Lucanis did let Emmerich help, after all. Plot hole taken care of.

That's it? That's all we get about The Titans? After all the previous foreshadowing, we get a single companion quest to find out and resolve (completely unrealistically) the entire issue of The Titans? Are you seriously kidding me?

I need a stronger word than flabbergasted.

Discombobulated. I'm discombobulated at the sheer level of mishandling so many incredibly important aspects have been treated to in this game.

Yes, it's nice to get confirmation about my guess to the history of Titans and Elvhenan... but are you seriously fucking kidding me?

Lucanis talks about coffee more than we get something as important as the Titans settled.

Anywaaaay.

Called it on the identity of the Gloom Howler. And the 'reason' for Isseya to be doing the exact opposite is 'she's been driven mad by 400 years of guilt for following orders'? Edit, it's been pointed out she's suffered the blight for 400 years, too. The blight, in the Lore, basically makes creatures start digging out dragon/arch demons. Because all they can hear is 'the song'. There have been speaking hurlocks working for the benefit of the unblighted. There's the Architect, who keeps showing up and is sane. If directly opposed to anything mortals would want. There's no support in the Lore for blight making someone mentally ill. I truly just feel it's bad writing.

That is so over the top ableist I'm not sure if I can describe it in small enough words why we shouldn't say grief and guilt makes us fucking mentally ill in a dangerous fashion! There isn't a mental illness that I'm aware of that includes a person completely reversing deeply held, sacred beliefs so they do the exact opposite of what they've previously sacrificed so much for.

Crazy and mad both mean mentally ill. That's why calling Isseya mad or crazy is ableist. Isseya would protect those griffins, She’d very possibly steal them to protect them from the wardens. I could see where, out of fear, she'd decide that the Wardens weren't worthy of the griffins after all.

What I cannot see is her sticking a knife into the skeletal remains of a 400 year old arch demon dragon and actually finding liquid blood. That's some foolish jurassic park nonsense. Thinking maybe she got it from the blood marrow? That's dried and almost dusty within a century. Or turned to a rocky like consistency. I don't care how magical the creature those bones came from was, that's just not happening. It's ridiculous.

What I cannot see is her then using that to infect the griffins she fought so hard to save from that very fate.

Last Fall wasn’t my favourite of the books. But both the writer and the character Isseya deserve fucking better than what the end of her story will likely be. I can think of two ways that dumpster fire could be satisfactorily fixed, but I have zero trust in the Bioware writers anymore, so I highly doubt they're going either direction.

And outright stating that too much emotion makes us dangerously mentally ill... I've always said Bioware had ableism problems. I've said they need to hire diversity editors.

I'm utterly appalled that they thought that whole storyline was even remotely okay on any level.

So. Do I have this right?

The Evanuris did lots of bad things. One of the worst was severing the Titans and the dwarves from their dreams.

The Evanuris bound themselves to high dragons, blighting them, and they did this for more power.

The blight is somehow The Titans' or dwarves or both severed dreams? If that's the case, the blight should now be receding or cured because the Titans have been 'fixed'. In a completely unrealistic and ridiculous manner that does a disservice to the whole damned Titan Evanuris war, but hey. I'm used to bad, nonsensical writing. Especially in this game.

Solas made the veil to imprison the Evanuris? Bad side effects. Which, in the Lore, include the death of magic in THEDAS and the eventual death of the realm itself. But we're apparently conveniently brushing that under the rug of bad writing to drive through a story that makes no sense.

He tied the veil, their prison, into their life essences.

So the theory they seem to be going with is that by killing the arch-demon dragon, the Evanuris will become mortal.

They were mortal before they bound dragons to themselves for more power. Mythal was mortal. She was murdered. (Oopsie, even bound to her dragon.) But the Evanuris, the first elves, didn't age and were eternal. They could be killed, sure, but just regular living, even inside a prison, wouldn't have killed them. So why exactly would all the other Evanuris be dead? Just killing their dragons wouldn't have killed them. If they were somehow dead... Wouldn't that have thinned the precious veil that they've spent three games, numerous books etc. stating was thin and as full of holes as my grandmothers crocheted doilies?

Somehow, the veil is completely all better now and holding back a world of blight that never existed in the fade except maybe in the black city? We've been to the fade several times in this game and seen no blight.

How exactly is the blight the corrupted dreams of dwarves or Titans? Does that make any sense to anyone else?

Does that mean that Genlocks (blighted dwarves) dream?

And the veil is what separates the world and magic/dreams/world of spirits?

If the so precious veil is tied to the life energy of the Evanuris... and the veil was created to contain them... what exactly is going to happen to said veil when those Evanuris die?

Either I've figured out the end of the story, or found plot holes the size of Texas if they try to say that veil is still in place once Gilly and Eggy are dead. (Why again are there only two Evanuris left? Have we gotten an answer to that? That makes any sense?)

They've made the answers to everything too pat and yet so convoluted they're tripping over things they've said are fact in this very game.

I just... how? Why? What the actual fuck? How is the writing in this so reprehensibly bad?

I can write better stories in my sleep FFS. And have. One of my published novellas was a dream before I wrote it down. And at least everything makes sense in it.

Section 11 here.

[woodlaflababab]

Hot Take: The Lion Turtle wasn't that out of left field.

Was it a deus ex machina? Yes. Technically. But it wasn't like some sudden dip in writing or like this was unprecedented and had no basis or reasoning in universe. Hear me out. This is Long.

Let's go back to book 1, specifically the book 1 finale. At what point prior to that are we told that there's a spirit that can turn into a giant koi monster and wipe out everyone? We didn't even know about the whole Tui and La thing until we are in the midst of the battle and there is no viable solution. Aang as he is, does not have the ability to solve this problem.

However, Aang is the avatar.

50% of that is having all four elements. It means mastering diciplines, practice, it's skill that you gradually improve on, it's being clever with the tools avalible to you.

But the other 50%, that I feel is too often forgotten, is spirithood, or being the bridge to the spirits. Spirits are not tools. They're explicitly shown to be things that just kinda Do Shit, and Are There. They don't care about the human world for humans' sake, that's the Avatar's job. The spirits are unexplainable. (I am ignoring Korra) Dealing with the spirits isn't something you can learn. There's not really a special technique Aang learns on How To Spirit 101.

But as the Avatar, Aang has the ability to comune with spirits, to seek them out, call to them, ask them for help, and give them help in return. Part of being the Avatar is doing things no one else can, and again, 50% of that comes from having four bending abilities, and the other 50% is his connection to spirits.

The Lion Turtle is the earned pay off of Aang's actions. Aang, like in the Northern Water Tribe, faces a problem in which neither he, nor anyone around him, knows what to do, and just like in the NWT at the twelfth hour, he turns to the spirits. He chooses to find a place where he feels connected, and calls out. He opens himself to a world outside of human control knowing that, as merely human, he is not capable.

It's the same set up.

Aang faces a problem: Giant Invasion/Having to defeat the fire lord

He does everything he physically can: Takes down a dozen ships/Masters three extra elements

But pulls back when he realizes continuing this way will destroy him: Retreats and admits hes in over his head/Refuses to commit violence with the intent to kill because that means sacrificing his values and the last remaining shreds of his people's values.

(PSA: Taking care of your mental/emotional health is just as important as taking care of your physical health)

He opens himself up to other people for solutions: Yue is just like 'you gotta dude :|'/His friends mock him

He chooses to turn to the spirits: Brings it up with Yue and Katara and Yue brings him to the spirit oasis/ Leaves the others to meditate

[Enter Magic Meditation Here]

He Goes To A Weird Spirit Place: Spirit World/Lion Turtle Forest

Fucks Around for a while as he tries to figure out wtf hes supposed to do: talks to spirits and Roku/talks to the avatars and momo (best place of advice obvs)

Finds the spirit he needs to help give him info: Koh+Ocean Spirit/Lion Turtle

Is granted sudden new powers that can solve his impossible situation: Giant Koi/ Energybending

Uses that shit

Saves the day

The end.

And I don't think this is really a cheat for him either. Aang still gives his everything to trying to fight those ships, even after seeing how many there are. He still has to go through all the hassle of the spirits fucking with him.

With the finale, he still admits to Momo that he may have to kill Ozai. He still accepts that, if literally no other solution is avalible, he'll do it even if it means sacrificing himself and his nation. He still has to do the battle to subdue Ozai and still has to risk being internally fucked by bad mojo from Ozai.

He still has to prove himself. In my opinion, he has to prove himself far more in the book three finale than book one. Book one he just kinda takes out some ships and then chats with some spirits and then the Ocean spirit does everything for him.

In the fight with Ozai, AANG had to learn all four elements, HE had to learn the avatar state (even if it conveniently got taken as soon as he did and then given back at dramatic moments), HE had to face Ozai even without the avatar state, HE still tried to reason with Ozai to the end, HE still used the avatar state (apon being gifted with a poke in the back) to fight back, HE still decided to not take the easy way out, HE still commited to and accomplished taking Ozai's bending.

He earned his use of the elements

He earned his use of the Avatar state (prior to lightning bc they couldn't have Aang be op too soon jebdjsbdn)

He continuously believed there has to be another way

He sought out solutions.

And he still had to get ragdolled some to top it off.

And as to the other Avatars' advice, and the idea that he was selfish.

He followed the wisdom of all the Avatars he spoke to.

He was decisive: "No, I'm not going to end like this."

Justice brought Peace: the firelord being rendered powerless and stuck to suffer jail the rest of his life weak and helpless is justice

He actively shaped his own Destiny: he decided how he was going to end things and shaped his destiny and the destiny of the whole world

"Selfless duty calles you to sacrifice your own spiritual needs and do whatever it takes to protect the world": to which Aang says "I guess I don't have a choice Momo, I have to kill the firelord."

The Lion Turtle did not come out of left field and Aang earned/deserved his ending.

[bioticbooty]

I finished Dragon Age Veilguard last week and started another playthrough this week.

Let me just preface this by saying I only finished it with a completionist playthrough because I was having one of the worst weeks of my life (which is quickly turning into the worst month of my life) and all my birthday week vacation plans had to be canceled, so I was stuck home, alone, and disassociated myself into Veilguard to cope. So please don't feel bad if you've not beaten it yet. I poured over 90 hours into this game in the span of 6 days.

I liked it. It's fun to play, the combat is a good balance between learning combos while also being easy to do if you don't want to learn combos. I like that I don't have to worry about the health of my companions. I played a warrior and I fucking loved throwing my shield at enemies far away like Captain America.

I chose to save Minrathous over Treviso, and the gut punch of losing Lucanis for a few missions, and then him returning only to say, "Not now, Rook," was so fucking real. I like that it took effort to earn his trust back.

I romanced Neve and that burn was so slow it had me screaming (good). I do wish the ending romance scene had a bit more oomph to it (and it's something I'm seeing in a lot of other people talking about their romance scenes). In my heart of hearts, Rook and Neve are doing their detective agency thing together with Rana.

The end game missions fucked me up. I have not cried that hard playing a video game since Legion said, "I must go to them," to me for the first time. I chose Davrin to lead the other team, because Harding and Neve were my go-to party of detonation combos between the three of us — and when he made that leap to save us, I lost it. And when Assan dove down after him?

I didn't stop crying for two hours.

I'm crying right now just remembering it.

After I returned from the Fade, still sobbing, I changed all the decor and monuments in the lighthouse to Grey Wardens.

I saved my game at that point and titled it, "For Davrin, For Assan."

Overall I really enjoyed this game. The emotional beats of the story hit right for me — and some of them hit hard. I think against what seems to be current popular opinion (or at least from what I'm seeing in the tags), I actually enjoyed a lot of the lore reveals — and I can see how a some of them have been there for years. I'm still really deep-diving into a lot of it, but really what it boils down to for me is: I started this game with no assumptions or expectations. (I also started it wanting to escape — I hadn't actually planned on purchasing it immediately but then everything fell apart and I needed something, and BioWare has rarely done me dirty (looking at you ME3 ending).)

I don't think what happened in Veilguard wipes away the importance of what we accomplished in the first 3 games, and I don't think it makes what our characters did and sacrificed not matter. Part of that is because I am an organizer in my Real Life Job and I don't think any action, however big or small, doesn't matter. Just because the world might go to shit in ten or twenty years doesn't mean it's not worth saving now. Ferelden might be in utter ruins after the events of Veilguard, but does that mean the Hero of Ferelden was wrong to save everyone 20 years ago? Kirkwall might be shattered, but does that mean Hawke should never have tried?

There's a cynicism to "everything we did in the past games doesn't matter anymore" that I don't like, and possibly I dislike it because of where we are in the world right with *waves hand* you pick. It's a "what's the point?" and "why even bother?" mentality that I just cannot get behind.

Veilguard has not and will not destroy the importance of the stories of the first three games for me.

Would it have been nice if more decisions had been carried over to be referenced or change some specific things? Absolutely. But folks, we'd be waiting another 10 years for that game to come out. There's so many branches, and weaving all of that together is like tracking hundreds of versions of the same story, some of which could be radically different. That's what fanfiction is for.

So anyway, Assan lives on in my heart forever and my second playthrough is dedicated to Davrin and Assan.

[kimberbohwrites]

Writing Interview Tag Game

Thank you to the amazing @honeybee-bard and my bestie @savriea for the tag. I am slowly getting caught up on my inbox and tags after my little crisis of confidence in my own writing haha. Plus, not going to lie, I stalled on this one, the only way to answer these questions honestly is a little sad so while I try to avoid it mostly TW: Child Abuse (only in the first answer so just skip question one if you want to avoid)

When did you start writing?

Hard question to answer, because when and how are intermingled so buckle up for a bit of a journey. I started daydreaming stories as a way to escape a rather unpleasant childhood pretty much as soon as I could. I was Cinderella with two bad parents, then I was a princess from a magical kingdom hidden in this terrible place for my own safety, then I was a brave heroine on dragonback saving the day — you get the gist. However, I learned pretty early on that there wasn’t a safe space to actually write my stories down as my journals were routinely stolen from me by my parents. So everything was laid out in my head, whole stories and universes of my own creation.

I started being able to write stuff down when I was 20. Then my own stories were joined by ones I wanted to write about animes I liked. Since I had been so isolated as a youth, I didn’t realize that what I was writing was fanfiction and there were whole communities of people who did this. My writing skills started to be honed professionally and my writing shifted from creative to professional as I began to make more of a name for myself with my ability to craft messaging. I didn’t realize though, that at the same time I was sacrificing all of my creative energy to get out of a bad place and into a safe one.

Eventually, 15 years after that BG3 is released and around the same time, I realize that while I achieved by goal of stability and safety in my own life — I stopped reading, writing, and dreaming creatively. The game reignites my childhood love of fantasy into an inferno as I realize that I LOVE reading romance and romantasy novels. You know the rest.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

YES! I love really dark fics actually (I love the sweet ones too) and I can’t write them at all. I read and support my love @redroomroaving Drider romances despite not having any romantic interest in driders myself.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I have never been compared to another writer and I am not trying to or wanting to emulate anyone. I really want my writing to be… me? Like, my own style if I can manage it. Now are there writers I’m inspired by? Absolutely and I could name a few dozen and I’m not going to tag them all here but if you haven’t read fanfics by GreySparrow, ViennaCherries, and DutifullyLazyBread (these are their tumblr handles) you haven’t read fanfic.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space?

I have two writing areas in my house. In my sunroom is my primary one, I have a lovely arm chair and I like to curl up in it with my iPad/Magic Keyboard setup and write. I love the sunlight and the fresh air but it’s also the reason that I write a lot less in July and August than I do for the rest of the year. Then I have my home office/craft room where my gaming set up is but is mostly a place for reading, writing, and painting. When the weather is too extreme I work from here.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

So far it’s been: stop looking for a muse. It’s usually when I stop spinning my wheels on my writing and walk away for a few days that I’m able to find inspiration. I also love reading peoples fics and drabbles because it usually reminds me why I love writing in the first place. There are few things more refreshing than reading someone’s fic and seeing the amount of love they poured into it.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Mental health, childhood trauma, and abandonment issues — so surprising. *HEAVY SARCASM*

What is your reason for writing?

I have wanted to publish one of my own stories as a novel since I was a little one daydreaming about escaping a shitty situation. I am starting to save up some money to self publish in a few years, because I have decided that I want to make my dream a reality. But I want it to be AMAZING, so I need lots of practice and writing fics helps with that.

But mostly, it’s a great way to explore themes that are beneficial to me and others— I’m not alone in the traumatized boat in this fandom, a lot of us are PTSD sufferers, abuse survivors, or just dealing with their own mental health issues and I want to make a safe space both on THIS blog but also in my writing for us.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

Any/all of them. I literally still cannot believe people like my writing and it blows my mind if someone even leaves a two word comment. People have left me ones that have rendered me a sobbing mess, complete strangers have had me blubbering. Also when I realized my work is being digested in other countries by people who have learned English one way or another. Holy crap that shook me. I am so grateful for every single one of them. They all motivate me so much.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Hopefully they think I’m a good writer? I’m not sure I could hope for much else haha

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I honestly think my greatest strength as a writer is building community with others in our space. Other writers, readers, and artists. How is that a strength? Don’t be silly — nobody functions as an island. Having my writing server friends (palps crew for life) or just other creators around me who are all so talented, makes me better. They inspire me with their pieces of art, they challenge me when I struggle, they sit alongside me in a silent discord channel as we use each other as accountability partners to bust down writers block. I would be half the writer I am without them.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I oscillate wildly between liking my work and thinking I am the worst writer ever. As evidenced by my most recent crisis of faith. So. Yeah.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Mix of both — if I’m writing a request for someone or a prompt, I try to make it more what others might enjoy reading but even then I always put a little “me” in there too. When I write my multi-chapter fics, those are really for me with a light look at what others might enjoy. Especially as our fandom slows down (I’m not going anywhere) I think it’s more important that YOU like your work because the praise isn’t going to be as constant.

Tagging: @lemonsrosesandlavender @falcatamandarina @jellyfitzjelly @barbwillbrb @faerunsbest @tealfling @ra-scheln

[your-friendly-neighbourh00d-fag]

seeing as you are a fellow mcr enjoyer i have a question for you of the utmost importance: do you think mike wheeler would like mcr or not

OHOHOHOHO YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE ASKED ME THAT. you just need to know beforehand before i am doing the answering of this uestion that i am ooo osooooo normal about this topic. trust me. the most normal

ok.

he absolutely likes mcr are you kidding me look at this man

he's struggling with his mental health, he's struggling with his sexuality, he's idolising a dude with long hair, piercings and pronouns, he's trying to be more metal. it's right there. plus the fact that he is just like me fr fr so i am going like this

and giving him all of my interests + autism (BECAUSE I SAID SO)

so. the question is, what's his favourite album. what's his favourite song. which one of the members does he have a crush on. does he read the killjoys comics. does he listen to summertime at 4am and cry and think about will. ("the song as a whole is about those people you meet who pull you out of your sleep, and make you wake up to real life, the good, beautiful things...")

i think mike would have a contentious relationship with bullets, it took him a long time to get as into it as the other albums, one week its his favourite, one week he hates it etc etc. his all time favourite album is three cheers and he actually told me that himself so idc. black parade is a very close second though, and disenchanted will always make him feel feelings.

favourite songs from all the albums: Our Lady of Sorrows and and Honey This Mirror and Headfirst for Halos (<< ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME IT IS SO HIM) and a smidge of Demolition Lovers. as a treat.

Give Em Hell Kid (BFFR!!!!), The Ghost Of You (another one that makes him feel The Feelings and will get an emotional reaction always. UM SEASON ONE??) and Cemetery Drive.

I Dont Love You, Disenchanted, and Teenagers absolutely. (are you fucking kidding me??? the most mike wheeler songs EVER and i will die on this hill nobody TOUCH ME),

Save Yourself, I'll Hold Them Back (his self sacrificing instincts are showing), S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W (at first he hates it, but after he reads up on the lore and the whole TTLOTFK thing he gets way into it), and Planetary, for no reason other than it sounds great 👍

EDIT: Conweap his favourite overall is cw5 and his fav songs are Burn Bright, The World Is Ugly and AMBULANCE

he absolutely looked at gerard way and said i need that man's gender RIGHT NOW and was just absolutely in awe of all his tour outfits and woke will up in the middle of the night to show him a video of cheerard with a flamethrower. that was a big 'wait i can dress less masculine if i want to??' thing and helped him find his personal style i think. and i also think. he has a n eeensy weensy teeny little crush. on gerbar. shh.

also.

look at this dork.

this absolute cringefail loser.

this nerdy nerd nerd.

the absolute second that mike finds out there's a comic that inspired danger days, he s p r i n t s to the local bookstore and cleans them out immediately. he binge reads them for like two nights straight and wakes will up constantly because look look LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WILL NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THEY-- he then spends the next month entrenched in killjoy lore and ends up with posters up all around his and will's apartment like this

trying to figure out the universe. (he also writes fanfiction but nobody tell 🤫)

anyway. this is a. bit of a long post and as you can tell from my introduction i am so so so so normal about mike wheeler, mcr, and my precious little headcanons.

tldr: yes he would love mcr and no one can take that away from me.

[maggotpoolautism]

hi can u explain the entirety of ur lore from ur canon before i keep saying ur the logan i dug up because uhhhhhh i dont wanna keep misloreing you idk i hope that makes sense

ooh i can try. i don't recall a whole lot, but as far as i know, i never died? well, considering that i'm here now, i at least don't think i died how the "Logan" movie went out. not as violently, at least.

readmore because i've started to ramble and it is LONG 😭. most of it is guesswork, too, but i complied my thoughts and made a long summary at the bottom that basically entails everything.

but i remember most of the events of the "Deadpool and Wolverine" movie as if they were my own, and remember some of my life before that, too. i looked like how i was in the movie, except for having a large grey streak in my hair (similar to my hair in Days of Future Past).

however, i ALSO remember a lot of the "Logan" movie as it was mine, except i'm.. pretty sure i didn't die, and Charlie (prof. x) was younger.

so my running theory is either:

- one, i have TWO different timelines, one where i'm from the Logan movie, and one where i'm from the DP&W movie.

- or two, i have a singular timeline that is SUPER fucked and full of reincarnation bullshit and time travel (also bullshit).

also, a lot of the xmen movies contradict their own timelines, so that.. REALLY doesn't help.

so, what i know i remember:

- "xmen origins: wolverine" movie. do Not remember young wade being there, so i don't think he existed yet. instead of me and victor fighting him as a weapon, i think it was me fighting experimented-on victor? not sure. i DO know i still ended up getting shot with the adamantium bullet.

- the events of the "the wolverine" movie. where i was living alone after something wrong had happened with the xmen, Yukio found me, took me to Japan to meet the guy i saved in WW2, he wanted to take my lifeforce yadda yadda. (big differences were that i briefly hooked up w Yukio instead of Mariko. i'd remember that bright ass pink hair anywhere. and my claws *couldnt* be slashed off by heated adamantium. heated adamantium makes it hot, but once it cools it CANNOT go back to a liquid. it is impossible. at least, it was for that universe. unfortunately he was still able to drill into my knuckles. aaand it was just as painful.)

- magneto still tried to use rogue for his genocide run against regular humans, but instead of victor/sabertooth he just had some other muscle. it wasnt just toad and mystique, but they were (mostly) the best fighters out of the lot.

- the events of "logan", save for the dying part at the end. also, charlie was younger (and did Not have hair. still a baldy) but the poisoned food still had effects on his physical and mental health. so he was Slightly more sound but not by too much.

do NOT remember:

- "xmen" or "x2: xmen united" movies. rogue is still my southern kiddo, and i know i met the xmen obviously, but i think what happened instead is that when i picked up rogue, i traveled with her for much longer because we never encountered victor/sabretooth. so we met the xmen much later.

- the hudsons' farm being blown up in "xmen origins: wolverine". i think they got to live longer than that, and their barn was blown up, but i wanna say stryker had given more of a warning so they were able to get to their basement. so thejr house got some damage but i think it was mostly fire damage. me and rogue visited them during our travels, i think? pretty sure they eventuslly died from old age and they put the farm in my name, because something.. had happened with their biological children?

- "xmen the last stand" and "xmen the days of future past". i dont think DoFP happened at all, for me. and with the last stand, i think summers lived and instead of jean having sacrificed herself in "x2 xmen united", she was under mind control due to magneto discovering how powerful she actually was, and we only thought she was dead. i still had to gravely injure her, but she was just in a coma for a few months after it (both from the injuries and her broken mind that charlie had to help fix). she wasnt really the same after that.

so then, those shitheels from "logan" started poisoning the food, i got older, prof x had a meltdown when the xmansion was stormed and that along with those murdering fucks, killed most of the mutants at the mansion. the poison did the rest. they took charlie in to detain and contain him. i went into a depression, then everything with yukio happened i went back to the us with her, but we parted ways. then i kidnapped charlie back, and the events of "logan" happened.

they killed charlie, and i got closer with laura sooner. and. at the end, i think they killed all of the kids instead of just me.

and i was dying, but the rage kind of. turned me into a bloodthirsty monster. i really only remember waking up somewhere much farther than when i began, basically covered in blood. i think. the food continued to be poisoned, so i started eating natural. animals and nonmeats grown by myself. some little fucked up farm somewhere deep in the woods. sometimes id go to the nearest bar with 100% homemade stuff and drink until i passed out, and everybody hated me and wanted me to leave, but knew there was no killing me so they just had to wait. and thats when the events of "deadpool and wolverine" started, im pretty sure.

and after that, i joined wade in his universe (along with laura, gambit and those other two, im pretty sure) and.. i dont think i started dating him or anything, we were more fuckbuddies, if anything. and i mostly avoided the xmen for the first year or two i was there, until we realized the food was still getting poisoned like in "logan" so we had to fix that, and i finally met the xmen again. it was weird, and absolutely terrifying, but kinda nice in the end.

so.

if i have one timeline, the LONG ASS summary is "xmen origins: wolverine" (except young wade didnt exist, so i found experimented sabretooth/victor instead and. killed him(?)) -> the hudsons survived -> left, found rogue, traveled a while, stayed w hudsons again, then met xmen for the first time -> magneto using rogue for human genocide, except he had more goons and didn't have victor (because he died(?)) -> didn't find anything around area of strykers compound -> "x2 xmen united" but jean was under magneto mind control and her death was fake, summers survived, jean didnt die (did go into a coma for a while, then came back different) -> i became an alcoholic outta depression -> poison food from "logan", i got older and charlie deteriorated, xmansion stormed, when i came back everyone was dead and charlie had been detained -> got even more depressed and got older and lived in the woods -> "the wolverine" (except it was a lil different) -> me and yukio part ways in the U.S. -> i break charlie outta detainment -> events of "logan", except laura and her friends die instead of me -> i go berserk and kill shit ton of people -> alcoholic, start living in woods again, eat natural food and my body heals -> events of "deadpool and wolverine" (and the laura, gambit, elektra and blade guy come with) -> we, plus xmen of wades universe, fix the poisoning problem brought on due to "logan" (unsure how wades logan died without the mansion incident and charlie and laura, so i know his universe was different, too. not super sure about that.)

[elementaldoughnut12]

"Hallucinations"

*warning it involves mental health, blood, crying and general nostalgia*

*Happy Shield Anniversary everyone!*

Doughnut Team: @afterdarkprincess , @thlayli-ra , @chainsawmoxley

Roman should've seen it coming to be honest… He lost his championship to Cody and his family turned on him. The sickening crack of a chair against his spine felt like a twisted reminder of how his life was a joke. He never wanted to be the tribal chief! He just wanted to wrestle and have fun with Dean and Seth. The elders told him it was either him or Jey and he would do anything to keep his cousin safe so he sacrificed his happiness to save Jey's.

Being tribal chief ruined his life and the past four years are proof of it. After Dean left and Seth abandoned him, Roman was alone and left with his thoughts. The two men that said they loved him just disappeared and left him to deal with the aftermath. He knows WWE didn't treat Dean well and Seth went to RAW but the voices told him otherwise. He believed that Seth and Dean only dated him cause they felt bad for him. If they loved him… why did they leave him?

It got even worse when he won the universal championship and got the “tribal chief” title. He thought that having a championship would fill the hole that his lovers left but it just made him feel more empty. The voices got louder and told him that he didn't need Dean and Seth, all he needed was to be powerful and to intimidate others. So he played the role of a monster until it wasn't an act anymore. It broke his relationship with the only person he swore to protect… Jey.

He tried to make Jey understand that he was protecting him but he didn't believe him. “You ain't protecting me! You just want the spotlight all to yourself!” Jey told him. He thought that breaking his walls and showing the most vulnerable part of himself to Jey at Hell in a Cell would finally make him understand. The only thing it did was make Jey call Roman a liar and a coward for playing the sympathy card. So with tears streaming down his face, he defeated Jey and started his empire. The “Big Dog” was dead and long lived the “Tribal Chief”... until tonight.

Roman felt like he was slipping in and out of consciousness. His back was blooming with pain and blood was flowing down his face. He's surprised he's still awake with all the blows to the head he's receiving from Solo. He sees Jimmy's sickening smile as he grabs a kendo stick and bashes Roman's arm repeatedly with it. Roman wants to scream but all he can let out is fearful whimpers like a scared child.

The pain is too much for Roman so he just cries and hopes it ends soon. He wished he begged Dean to stay so they could've all gone to RAW together. He imagines what the past four years would've been like for him if they all stayed together. Maybe they win championships and they go to a nice hotel and Dean and Seth make love to Roman and they snuggle up together like they used to. With that, Roman closes his eyes and waits for the final blow that he surely will never wake up from…

“SIERRA! HOTEL! INDIA! ECHO! LIMA! DELTA! THE SHIELD!”

Roman slowly opened his eyes when he heard the familiar words. He had to squint to properly see what's going on because of the blood in his eyes. The figures were a bit blurry but it was clearly Dean and Seth in the ring and beating the crap out of Solo and Jimmy. “No, they can't be real… my mind is messing with me again” Roman thought to himself. He felt like he was gonna pass out again when he felt two sets of hands on him. “We gotcha Roman” Seth said gently. “Don't pass out on us yet big guy” Dean says with a quiet laugh.

Dean and Seth pick him up and help him out of the ring. “They're not real! Would they really waste their time on you?” Roman heard in his head. “You ok babe?” Seth said curiously. “Don't go quiet on us Rome” Dean said worryingly. “You guys aren't real… you wouldn't waste your time on me” Roman said quietly. Dean and Seth shared concerned looks. “He doesn't think we're here helping him?” Dean asks Seth sadly. “It's ok Dean, we just gotta take him to medical and see what's going on” Seth tells him reassuringly with a kiss on his cheek.

They make it to medical and there isn't a doctor in sight. “I forgot how much medical fucking sucks here” Dean says as him and Seth set Roman on a table. “Be quiet you fucking baby! You wouldn't let the doc touch you unless you got a lollipop” Seth says with a laugh and receives a middle finger from Dean. “See! They're laughing at you! The real Dean and Seth wouldn't laugh at you! They're not real!” The voice said. “You're not real… why can't you just leave me alone?” Roman said through tears.

“Roman, we're right here in front of you see?” Seth says as he slowly walks in front of Roman and is face-to-face with him. “We're really here Roman” Dean says as he gently grabs Roman's hand, causing him to flinch. “They're in your head! They're not here! Get them out… GET THEM OUT!” the voice said. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Roman screamed through tears. He tried to bang his head against the wall until he felt a pair of arms around his waist and a pair of hands cradling his face.

“Look at me Roman” Seth says gently. “I can't” Roman whines through tears. “Yes, you can big guy! Just open your eyes on three ok? Can you do that for us?” Dean asks quietly as not to startle Roman even more. Roman nervously nods his head and takes a deep breath. “Ok, one, two, three” Dean says quietly as he stands in front of Roman next to Seth. Roman slowly opens and sees the smiling faces of his soulmates.

“D-Dean? S-Seth? You're actually here!” Roman says in disbelief through tears. “We've been here the whole night, Roman” Seth says gently as he and Dean sit next to Roman. “What made you think we weren't real or we wouldn't help you?” Dean asks curiously and receives a quiet glare from Seth. “The voices in my head told me that you weren't real” Roman says truthfully, causing concern to flash across both his lovers faces. “Roman, when was the last time you took your medication?” Seth asks worryingly.

“My medication? I had to take meds?” Roman asks confusingly, making Dean and Seth even more concerned. “Yeah, remember? Seven years ago we took you to the doctor and they diagnosed you with psychotic depression and they put you on antidepressants and other stuff?” Dean explains as they watch the wheels turn in Roman's head. “Oh yeah, my meds… last time I took them was when I first won the championship” Roman says truthfully, causing Dean and Seth to freeze in shock.

“Are you telling us that you haven't taken your meds in four years? Roman, that's not a healthy thing to do” Seth says worryingly. “It wasn't my choice! Paul said I didn't need them anymore and that the elders didn't want people to know that their champion has a defect” Roman explains sadly, turning both his lovers' concerns into anger. “I'm gonna kill that fat meatball walrus! He doesn't have the right to do that!” Dean says with a growl.

“Roman, Paul does not have the authority to tell you if you need your meds or not! Does he not know that you fucking suffer when you don't have them? Also screw what your fucking family is saying! Having a mental problem doesn't mean you're defective or screwed up, it means that you need help and the support of your loved ones! Something your family clearly hasn't done” Seth says truthfully which makes Dean growl.

“I-I'm sorry! You're not gonna leave again because of this are you? Please don't leave again!” Roman says as fat tears roll down his cheeks. “Roman honey, we're not gonna leave you! We shouldn't have done it the first time so we're not gonna do it now! Right Dean?” Seth asks as he gently wipes away Roman's tears. “Definitely not big guy, we love you too much to leave ya a second time” Dean says reassuringly. “O-Ok” Roman says through sniffles. Seth walks over to his bag and pulls out two pill bottles.

“I'm so glad I didn't stop refilling these” Seth says as he also fills a small cup with water from the sink. He then walks back to Roman and hands him the cup and two pills. “These will stop the voices in your head and make you feel a bit better” Seth explains nicely. Roman takes the pills and drinks all the water. He lets out a sigh of relief when he feels like his mind is slowly going back to normal. “You feeling better puppy?” Dean asks with a smile. “Yeah, I actually forgot how it felt to not be surrounded by fog all the time” Roman says quietly.

“It's good to have you back babe, now let's actually get you fixed up cause you got brutalized out there” Seth says a bit worryingly. “I've never seen our sexy Samoan look like a mangled piece of meat before! Scary shit dude” Dean says truthfully, ducking when Seth tries to smack him. “Ain't that what we used to do? Attack when someone is down?” Roman says with a quiet laugh. “Don't remind me that we were assholes when we were younger” Seth says as he grabs some medical supplies.

“More you than us but that's just my opinion” Dean says as Seth glares at him. “Do I need to remind you that you have the worst timing possible! You literally broke up our team and became a dick on the same night Roman had to go away for a bit!” Seth argues as he sets the supplies on the table next to Roman. “As much as I missed breaking up fights between you two, I really just wanna go back to the hotel and cuddle” Roman says, causing both men to smile at him.

“You'll get your wish puppy! Now nurse, can you give me the peroxide?” Seth says jokingly, causing Dean to roll his eyes. “You calling me nurse just means I'm the pretty one” Dean says as he hands Seth the peroxide spray. Seth sprays the peroxide on a cut on Roman's forehead. Roman hisses a bit as the cut starts to foam and bleed. “Doing good big guy” Dean says encouragingly as he holds Roman's hand. Seth then proceeds to wipe the blood off the cut and put a bandage over it.

“Luckily that doesn't need stitches and your back seems to just be bruised but your arm on the other hand…” Seth says as he gestures to Roman's arm where there's a semi-deep cut near his shoulder. “I never thought a kendo stick could do that much fucking damage” Dean says with a surprised tone. “Beating the fuck out of Jimmy is gonna be a delight now!” Seth says happily as he sprays the cut with peroxide. He wipes the surrounding blood and passes a sewing kit to Dean. “Your turn to stitch Deano” Seth says as he sits back down next to Roman.

“Thank God my mom taught me how to sew or you would be screwed” Dean says with a laugh as he starts sewing Romans arm up. “Weird you have a delicate touch when doing this but you're literally brutal everywhere else” Seth says, causing Roman to laugh. “You guys love it when I'm brutal” Dean says with a cheeky smile. He finishes sewing Roman's arm up and Seth bandages it. “Finally! Can we go now? I don't want to risk running into them” Roman says worryingly.

“You forget that we used to be the masters of hiding in the shadows!” Dean says excitedly, making the other two men laugh. “Let's just grab our stuff and we can go to the rental car” Seth says as he puts away the med kit. Roman gently puts on a shirt, hissing when the fabric touches his bruised back. They make it to the rental car which brings a smile to Roman's face. “Yall really bringing back the nostalgia tonight aren't ya boys?” Roman says as Dean grabs his bag.

“We're technically nostalgia at this point babe” Seth points out as he fishes the keys from his pocket. “Plus, who doesn't love being squished in a tiny ass clown car with busted air conditioning and seats that smell like week old ass?” Dean says sarcastically as he puts all the bags in the trunk. They all get into the car and start driving to the hotel. “Why did you guys come out and save me? I believed I wasn't worth messing with?” Roman asks curiously from the back seat.

“Roman, you have been protecting us since we all met and we thought we could return the favor and if we're being honest…we missed doing things as a group like we used to and we missed loving you” Seth says truthfully with a sigh. “We know we fucked up by us leaving and causing you to be broken and alone and we feel like shit for that! We're not forcing you to do this but can you give us stupid fucks a shot again?” Dean says hopefully as he looks out the window. “Knowing you guys actually have to ask me that means you truly still love me and I really did miss you guys so yeah you guys get another shot” Roman says with a small laugh.

Both of his boyfriends upfront smiled at each other and without warning they both reached back and kissed Roman's face. “Glad to be back together babe!” Seth says, giggling at Roman's blushing face. “Fuck yeah! The team is back together!” Dean says as he drums his fingers against the dash. “Also babe, don't ever doubt if we love you or not cause we'll always love you flaws included” Seth says sweetly. “Yeah I agree with the walking ego balloon over here even though I don't have any flaws myself” Dean says innocently, causing Seth to glare at him.

“Dean babe, you like to piss in litter boxes when no one else is around” Seth points out, causing Dean to freeze up. “Oh look, the light's green now!” Dean says, trying to change the subject. Seth just lets it be as he continues driving to the hotel. When they make it to the hotel parking lot, Dean practically flings open the door and barrel rolls out the car. “Does he know that we're not in our twenties anymore and doing that could like fuck us up real bad?” Roman worryingly asks Seth. “Still fucking got it!” Dean says with a smile as he pops up and runs behind the car. “Nope! No matter what we say or do… Dean's still gonna be Dean” Seth says, causing both of them to laugh.

They both get out and walk to the back of the car to see Dean sitting on top of his suitcase. “No” Seth says automatically, causing Dean to whine. “Sethie, why not? We used to do this all the time!” Dean says with a pout. “That was before you decided to weigh the same amount as a grizzly bear and look like one too!” Seth says as he kisses Dean on the lips to comfort him. Dean sighs as he hops off his suitcase which gives Roman an idea. He lets go of his own suitcase to swoop Dean up into his arms, causing Dean to yelp.

“Fuck Roman! Don't scare me like that!” Dean says as he wraps his arms around Roman's neck. “You're not the only one with surprises baby! Also don't worry I can still carry you with a hurt arm” Roman says as he grips onto Dean's ass. Dean just giggles and kicks his feet. Roman looks over at Seth and kisses him deeply, leaving Seth a blushing mess. “L-Lets go inside already” Seth stutters, causing Roman to laugh. They make it into the hotel and the moment they make it into their room, Roman plops Dean down onto the bed and kisses him. He moaned a bit when Dean plunged his tongue into his mouth.

He pulled back when Dean started nibbling on his bottom lip. “Down boy” Roman says, causing Dean to whine. “Come on Roman! You can't get a guy riled up and blue ball him afterwards!” Dean says annoyingly. “As much as we'd love to fuck you Dean, I don't think any of us have the energy to do it tonight” Seth says as he sits on the bed next to them. “I remember on the night we debuted in WWE we all went to some cheap hotel, drank some tequila and fucked each other til three in the morning! Man… that was twelve years ago” Roman says with a smile.

“Oh my god don't remind me how many years ago that was! Makes feel old as fuck!” Seth says with a whine as he lays back on the bed, yellow fluffy hair spread around his head. “Is that why you dyed your hair again? To hide all the gray roots?” Dean says teasingly, causing Seth to gasp. “Uce, you can't say shit considering you look like Mr. Clean going through his second divorce!” Roman says, causing Seth to laugh and Dean to glare at him.

Dean then proceeds to grab a pillow and puts it over Roman's face. “Go to the light Roman! Go to the light you smug fuck!” Dean says as he straddles Roman's lap. “Deano, stop! You really gonna kill Roman cause he called you bald?” Seth asks as he tries to take the pillow away from his boyfriend. “We all gotta make sacrifices Sethie! He must die so he can rise from the ashes and become anew or something like that… I don't know I kinda skipped that part in history class” Dean says with a shrug.

Seth just sighs as he tackles Dean off of Roman and onto the edge of the bed. Roman pulls the pillow off his face to witness his two boyfriends slapping each other. He lets out a quiet laugh as he then scoops both of them into his arms and traps them in a big hug. “I missed you guys so much” Roman says affectionately as he lets out a small yawn. “We missed you too puppy! Tomorrow we can talk to Trip and see if we can do an official reunion” Seth says sweetly as he cards his fingers through Roman's hair.

“Kinda interesting to be on two different promotions now but I'll definitely do it for our sexy teddy bear” Dean says as he spoons Roman from behind. Roman lets out another yawn as he feels his eyelids drift shut. “Go to sleep Roman, we'll be here when you wake up” Seth says as he spoons Roman from the front. “We won't disappear on you again big guy and believe that” Dean says quietly as he turns off the bedside lamp. “I love you guys so much” Roman says before drifting off to sleep. “We love you too Roman” Both men say before going to sleep as well.

These past four years were hell for Roman where he chased after things that weren't there. With his mind clear and the empty space in his heart refilled, Roman can finally be happy again with the two men who weren't hallucinations anymore.

[tenebrius-excellium]

Speechless.

...This week, I obtained the remaining information about my Mom's life that had previously felt like a gaping hollow of unanswered questions. ...I know everything I wanted to know now.

Speechless that I cried, and wept, and bled for this for 20+ years because nobody would f****** tell me.

Imagine being there as it happened. Imagine knowing that something happened to your Mom but nobody has the courtesy to tell you anything because you're 3 and in foster care and apparently stupid and are told that you knew nothing anyway. I knew. Oh, believe me, I KNEW.

Imagine begging over the years to be given the grace of an explanation. Imagine being told over and over how "it happened so long ago" and how "it's not important anymore" and how "you've nothing to gain from this knowledge" and how "I don't want to talk about it anymore" and how "it makes no sense for you to want to know this." To be given snippets at best, lies at worst. To feel like the victim of a gigantuous conspiracy because nobody feels responsible and no one was there anyway and nobody knew her in detail anyhow.

I KNEW. I knew nothing. I had hunches. Made observations. Felt beyond memories. I KNEW. CLOSE TO EVERYTHING I SUSPECTED TURNED OUT TO BE TRUE. I didn't know facts, but I very well knew vibes. Dynamics. Imprinted, intuitive guesses. I wasn't THERE, but I WAS there.

It felt criminally, morally wrong to dig because of everyone's judgment around me. Wrong to stand at her grave for the first time aged 21, because my father didn't want to go there. Wrong, to find her family four years later, just down the street from her grave, and that same grave wiped out by the authorities because too much time had passed. Wrong to keep digging in the face of everyone's pain and awkwardness around her. Wrong to be her daughter because she hurt a lot of people but she passed me so many great traits, I LOVE being her daughter. Wrong because the story isn't pretty, and why would I trade the fake fairytale that my Dad built us for the ugly truth. Why be ungrateful like that, right? Nobody is that insane.

But to me, the truth matters more than a pretty foam bubble of a life.

I turned to public office records and I have rest now.

I was emotionally, and physically present for EVERYTHING. I just couldn't process the facts because yes, maybe I was a little small for all the facts but I also wasn't given anything to work with; wasn't trusted with any of it; even when I became older.

I had to walk her streets and trace her steps and read her files to discover that I understand nearly EVERYTHING about her. I never knew her but I know her nonetheless. I know how she thought, how she fought, how she lost. God, forgive us. For letting her become like that, for not helping her, for not cleaning our shit up after it went down. My Dad just... walked on. This cost me 20 years of my life.

How to not be angry at that wasted time, how to not mourn every lost opportunity in life when my deficits stare me in the face every other day or so, when I have not and can't do what others have and do, I don't know. This cost me money. Savings. Social aptness. Experiences. Life skills and work skills. Playfulness. Knowledge. Fun. Physical and mental health. Friends. I feel like a middle schooler when I'm about to near my thirties. God, I still have nightmares from the bullying. What good is it to have cleaned up this part of my life when I'm still lagging behind in multiple areas of my daily routine? How is a romantic partner EVER supposed to understand what this is like and what I sacrificed to maybe be able to have a proper, healthy relationship someday? God, why am I so slow? I don't even know what I wanna be professionally, realistically. I've begged and cheated and hem and hawed my way through life and around these questions because there WAS NO REALISTIC FUTURE POSSIBLE until now. Whenever I supposedly made goals, I LIED. There were no goals, not with that hell up my brain. When I said that I couldn't work, I meant it. Yes hello what can I do you for today also do you know perchance where my Mom died. Yeah. Forget it. That program was constantly running in the background of my mind and taking up all the RAM. No way to reliably focus on the present, ever.

God, I made it. It's done. A couple more therapy sessions and maybe I can finally LIVE. I'm gonna lay flowers at her death site and be ok. I hope. This week I reached another milestone, and I keep hoping that this is the final one. But God, what did it cost. For knowledge that I got within half a week. From e-mails with a handful of lines. God knows how we'll make up for this shit. Dear God, have mercy. Oh well.

Listened to "After the Storm" by Mumford & Sons and promised I would play it again when the time came.

There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears

Get over your hill and see what you'll find there

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

God, I think the time came.

[serenitybymoonlight]

cauterized - heartstopper - 18+ Twilight AU: 1. Home

Summary

After an incident in the UK, Charlie Spring moves to Kentwood, Oregon, to live with his estranged cop father and kid brother. He finds himself in the middle of a supernatural war and the love interest of two men on opposite sides. Charlie has scars, mentally and physically. He doesn't know what he wants for breakfast, let alone who he chooses to be with. Are you Team Nick, Team Ben, or Team Tao?

Wattpad

AO3

TW: Mentioned Gun Violence and Trauma

I've been sacrificed. My heart's been cauterized Hanging on to hope Shackled by the ghost -Halestorm

August 23rd, 2005 10:22 AM

Portland International Airport, Portland, Oregon

   Julio was ecstatic and overjoyed that his firstborn son would move in with him. Though he was anxious since he hadn't seen him since Charlie was 13. Julio felt so disappointed in himself that he always told himself he would be a better father than his, but it turned out he was just like him. 

   Julio and Jane only got married because Charlie was on the way, so it took a little while for Julio's attention to wander. Charlie was about 3 when they got divorced. Jane hated America, so she moved back to Britain. Julio had just landed the job as sheriff then. He made sure to get it every summer, at the least. 

   As Charlie got older, Julio felt he had a grudge for what he had done to Jane, but he wanted Julio to save him from Jane's erratic behavior. When Olly came along, Charlie told Julio that he had a new family now and that there wasn't a point of him coming to visit anymore. It was harsh, but Charlie wanted his father to be there for Olly and felt he would burden them. 

   Julio's heart nearly stopped when he got the call in the middle of the night. After all these years, Charlie still memorized the landline. Words couldn't express how more terror Julio felt when he heard what his baby boy had endured without his knowledge. 

   Jane had poor mental health. She didn't know how to be a mom because her mom used to beat her. She had man after man in the house until she married David Nelson, a man a decade younger than her and with tenfold mental illnesses. Charlie had lost his mother... he had been there for everything. He jumped from the second floor of the house to escape the burning down house. Julio could have saved him from this if he had fought more. 

   "Olly baby," Julio kneeled in front of Oliver. He had grown up so much since Charlie had last visited. Charlie always wanted a baby brother, so they would exchange letters and emails when Olly was old enough. Oliver was so excited to meet his Bubba in person. "I know you are excited, sweetie. Just don't jump on Charlie like you do when greeting others. He is injured, okay?" Julio reminded Oliver as Charlie's plane landed and people started coming out of the gate. 

   "Okay, Dad," Olly said like a little angel with a halo above his head. "I know Bubba is hurt. That's why I am going to take care of him,"

   "You are now?" Julio chuckled

   "Yeah! I cleaned his room and made his bed! I even saved him one of my favorite candies because he must be hungry after the longest flight,"

   "Atta boy, you have always been the strongest of the two of us," Julio pinched his cheeks and ruffled his hair before standing straight to look for Charlie. 

   Charlie had waited for everyone to get before him. He didn't want anyone to bump into him. It had been two months since the fire, and Uncle Antonio squished him in a big hug before boarding the plane, so he was still sore. 

   He walked out to see his little brother alone. Charlie raised an eyebrow, looking around for Julio. "Charlie Barley!"

   "Ack!" Charlie gasped. His father had mistaken him for another passenger. He picked him up in a hug and spun him around. "Daddy! Daddy! Ribs are still broken!" Charlie panicked.

   "Oh my god, I am so sorry," Julio gasped, setting him down and searching to see if he had done any real damage. 

   "I'm okay, you just scared me," Charlie hugged his dad with one hand. 

   "Y-you said you got your cast off. Are you still in a sling?" Julio widened his eyes, and his lips trembled. Charlie was so tiny, to begin with, but he looked skinnier from the back when Julio rushed to his bedside in May. 

   "I'm fine, Daddy. The doctor said to wear the sling for just a couple more weeks," Charlie said and looked down at Oliver, who was cautiously approaching. "Hi there, Olly," Charlie said softly, seeing Olly wanted to hug him but didn't want to break him. "C'mere, this is my good side... just don't hug too hard, okay?" Charlie said, and Olly nodded before hugging him like a glass figurine. "Are... you crying? Why is he crying?"

   "He loves you, baby. He is worried about you," Julio knitted his eyebrows together. He was tearing up, even more so because Charlie was extremely confused. 

   "I'm sorry..." Charlie frowned before Julio hugged him on his bad side but was careful. 

   "You're home now, Charlie Barley," Julio kissed his forehead.

   "I will be a good little brother and protect you, Bubba," Olly sniffled, and Charlie remained a little emotionless. He didn't know how to react to this from Olly or Julio.

   "Okay, Boys." Julio ruffled Charlie and Olly's hair before standing up. He placed a hand on Charlie's shoulder. He looked down to see the burn on the side of his neck, which was on the side he was touching, so he quickly moved to the other side. "Let's get your luggage and head home, okay?"

   "Yeah!" Holding Charlie's hand, Olly pulled at him, "I can't wait for you to see your room and meet Peanut!" Olly bounced a little hyper, not wanting to keep the emotional atmosphere between all of them.

   "Peanut?" Charlie asked.

   "It's Olly's cat he got for his birthday," Julio said, taking in his son's appearance. Emotion overtook the moment, so he only took in his injuries. Charlie was wearing all-black clothes and had on smeared emo eyeliner. His hair was dyed jet black with a purple streak. Julio saw this as Charlie going through an emo phase. It was clear how much pain he was in.

   "Oh, you have a kitty?" Charlie smiled. He loved animals—dogs more than cats, but he didn't hate cats either. Jane was allergic to pets, so he had never had one before.

   "You talk silly," Olly said, pointing out his brother's accent.

   "No, you talk silly, you little rascal," Charlie giggled, patting his head. He started to grab his bag from the area when he saw it, but Julio swatted him away to get them himself. "Thanks, Daddy... Were you able to take off work for the weekend?" he remembered his father saying that in his latest email.

   "No baby, I am so sorry," Julio sighed, and Charlie gave him a reassuring look, "It's just... there has been a lot of m-u-r-d-e-r-s lately," Julio spelled out, and Charlie raised an eyebrow.

    "In a small town like Kentwood?" Charlie asked

   "Yeah... we think it has a tie-in with a c-u-l-t," Julio said. He pinched the bridge of his nose and stopped. "Shit, I am so sorry, I don't want to trigger you,"

   "It's okay... it's just life," Charlie said, not wanting his dad to panic.

   "I know what you spelled. I am nine, not five," Olly said proudly. Charlie chuckled and high-fived Olly.

   "While we are on the topic, Charles... he has never been caught," Julio said, referring to David and Charlie's faces dropping. "Now I trust you to be alone at the house, but I am gonna have a guard for you until he is caught... and when the crime goes down in Kentwood,"

   "Daddy?" Charlie sighed, thinking his dad treated him like a baby, just like Olly felt.

   "I know. I told him we didn't need a babysitter. I could protect you alone," Olly huffed.

   "I know, you two are completely capable of protecting yourself. It's just precautionary," Julio told them both. Come on, we can eat at Harry's before I have to head in," Julio said, and Charlie tried to contain his face.

   "Char! Youre going to sit in the back with me, right!?" Olly said, bouncing, "I can protect you better like that and show you all the pictures I have drawn for you!"

—- 3:29 PM

Harry's Dinner, Kentwood, Oregon

   Charlie hadn't been to this restaurant in years, and he used to ask his father to go every day in the summers when he would visit. However, Charlie had developed many eating rules, and all this place had was greasy food and meat.

   "Are you sure you just wanted a soup?" Julio raised an eyebrow as it wasn't even soup. It was just some vegetable broth with ice cubes. "You used to love getting country fried steak and a big chocolate cherry milkshake, buddy? You don't have to worry about money,"

   "Oh... I'm not worried about that," Charlie explained. I am sort of a vegan now," Charlie said, and Julio widened his eyes as he was nowhere near equipped to cook for a vegan. He was still determining what he could eat on the menu if he were to list other things. "I am picky about salad, and I don't like hot foods because they're um..."

   "Well, you can still eat milkshakes and cake, can't you?" Olly widened his eyes, "Here, you can share this with me!" Olly handed Charlie some toast.

   "It has butter on it," Charlie chuckled at his little brother as he gave him back the bread.

   "But... But butter isn't meat,"

   "It isn't, but it is dairy," Charlie smiled and noogied his brother, "Don't worry about me. Eat your toast, Bubba. I had a lot to eat on the plane," Charlie said. He could tell his father wasn't fully convinced, so he tried to change the subject. "Did I make it into this semester at the high school?"

   "Oh, yes," Julio took the bait and explained everything he had been told. "You will start school on the 2nd in the senior year," he said, and Charlie sighed. He had worked hard to get enough credits to graduate early, but it hadn't been enough. "Youre also going to go to physical therapy in Port Higgs on Wednesdays and Therapy at the same place on Mondays,"

   "Oh, I don't have to go to therapy anymore," Charlie said, and Julio raised an eyebrow, as that's not what Antonio said. "Dr. Moon said that I was all better," Charlie shrugged. Julio passed on a tell when lying to Olly and Charlie: After they told a lie, their noses would scrunch up.

   "Is that so?" Julio said, and Charlie nodded confidently. So it's just like that? Are we already going to start lying to each other?" Julio was a pretty lax father, but he wasn't a pushover.

   "It... I don't like PT and Therapy," Charlie sighed, looking down at his soup and playing with his spoon. PT hurts. I went to one when I got the cast-off, and... therapists want time to talk about that day," Charlie said, showing emotion for the first time he was here.

   "Daddy, knock it off. You are scaring him," Olly said, hugging his brother.

   "Boys... I am not trying to be mean... I want Charlie to get better, and that means PT and talking about hard things," Julio said, placing his hand on top of Charlie's. The boy looked annoyed, but he knew that Julio was right.

   "I just... I don't want to," Charlie sighed.

   "I know, Bubba, but Daddy and I are going to be there for you," Olly patted him on the back. Charlie held back the pained face as Olly patted the burned side. He didn't want to scare Olly.

   "I know..." Charlie hugged his brother and father as they finished their first dinner together of many.

   "Okay... Vegematarian," Julio said to himself so he would remember it.

   "Vegan," Charlie explained.

   "Okay... er, is there anything else I need to know... I should probably go by the store when I get off work," Julio told himself.

   "I-I am gay," Charlie exclaimed out. Some older, nosey generation around them cringed at that and clutched their pearls.

   "Gay? Like in happy?" Olly asked.

   "Er... no, he likes boys and not girls," Julio said softly, hugging Charlie and kissing him on the forehead paternally. "I love you all the same. Do you think I would have a problem with that?" Julio raised an eyebrow

   "I dunno," Charlie blushed.

   "Well, I don't," Julio shrugged.

   "Yuck... Boys and Girls have cooties. I'm never going to like any of them," Olly crossed his arms, making the other laugh.

   "I think the guy who is going to be your School Buddy is the head of the SAG club at Kentwood High," Julio said, and Charlie raised an eyebrow.

   "Do you mean the GSA club?" Charlie asked as he was surprised a small town like Kentwood had a queer-friendly student body. "School Buddy? Who is he?"

   "Oh, it's what they call your guide. The school campus is a bit confusing, so you will have a guide for a week. And... I don't know if you know him, Tao Xu. He is a sweet kid," 

   Charlie was nervous about coming to America, a really small town, and he knew there would be homophobes and bullies everywhere. However, he didn't want to be in the closet any longer, especially since he had almost passed away.

   This would be different for Charlie. He would make the best of his life but didn't know how different life would be for him in return. Please Vote, Comment, Add to your reading list, and share with your friends:) Check out my subreddit for my writings r/QuinnLake.

[whichwitchami]

I hate PTO in America culture

I've been so burned out of work because I've been saving all my PTO since I found out I was pregnant. Literally have not taken a mental health day or a sick day working every holiday that I can etc. My agency gives us parental leave but it's only paid if you have PTO. So I've been fighting a cold all week trying to avoid taking more time off after already sacrificing a week of paid parental leave to go on vacation with my family. I've been going into work and working with children actively denying that I am sick until I woke up this morning with no voice. Now I get to sit with guilt that I am not only not seeing my clients today but losing a paid day of parental leave instead of listening to my body and allowing myself to rest.

And this is all knowing that my agency is actually really generous with pto. Knowing that a lot of people don't have the flexibility that I normally do and just overall feeling bad about how late stage capitalistic America doesn't really give a crap about anything except exploiting labor and making money

[natasha-in-space]

Hello! I was wondering if you did ships- other than with the MC, if so may I request a Yooseven oneshot- full of fluff! Or even just headcanons of they’re relationship! Thank you! ^^

While I'm not much of a shipper when it comes to mm gang, it's always fun for me to try and imagine how their dynamic would change with romantic context! Yooseven is definitely one of my favorite pairs in the fandom, second to Vumin. Their dynamic is already so wholesome and entertaining to watch! Here are some of my personal headcanons for these two in a relationship :3

CW for alcohol mention!

• Weirdly enough, it is Yoosung who is on the protective side of their relationship. This became the case between them only after he learned the whole truth about Saeyoung's past and what he had to go through in order to get to where he is now. And, well, once he comes to know all about his troubled childhood and just how much he suffered throughout his lifetime... Yoosung is determined to ensure Saeyoung's happiness at whatever cost. He will fight tooth and nail for him, refusing to back down in the face of danger. After all, it is a known fact that Yoosung is much braver than he may seem!

• In his point of view, Saeyoung has suffered more than enough now. He has been sacrificing his well-being in order to ensur happiness for his loved ones for far too long now. It's time for someone to turn the tables on him and let him feel protected and cared for, for once in his life! Because Saeyoung has always been by his side, by everyone's side... He needs to know just how loved and cherished he truly is.

• In the beginning, Saeyoung will often become frustrated by Yoosung acting all protective over him. It's... an unfamiliar territory for him. To be treated like this. At first, he will inevitably act out at him at times and refuse any help coming his way, however small it may be. But, given some time (and therapy) he comes to accept this feeling of giving up control to someone he trusts and loves, little by little. His heart flutters any time Yoosung defends him in the chatroom or outside of it, regardless of how small the issue may be. Yoosung can demand extra pickles for him in their Mcdonald's drive-through and his heart would melt.

• He may or may not stage some silly accidents down the line, just to feel like a princess being saved by her prince charming.

• Yoosung stops drinking all together thanks to Saeyoung! Once he learns how uncomfortable alcohol makes him, he decides to drop his drinking, both for Saeyoung's sake, as well as his own. This also made him look back on all of his differing experiences with alcohol, eventually coming to the conclusion, that his drinking did not help much with his mental health. On the contrary, drinking only made him feel more miserable with himself, making him cry himself to sleep with his grief over Rika consuming him.

• Saeyoung's devotion to his brother made Yoosung realize that he needs to prioritize what he has right now, instead of living in the past. A part of him felt like... He was making things right by Rika by helping Saeyoung rescue Saeran. Well, at least until he learned the truth about Saeran's initiation into the cult.

• Believe it or not, their idea of an ideal family life is pretty similar! Both of them are more than happy to spend their days just lazing around inside of the bunker: Yoosung taking care of the chores around the house, and Saeyoung organizing their leisure. It's a fair trade, really. Sometimes they do change stuff around, but, alas, it often ends in complete disaster, as Saeyoung just cannot bring himself to follow the recipe or focus on cleaning alone. If they do decide to create some chaos around the house, it'll be whenever Saeran isn't around to suffer through it.

• We all know that Yoosung is a sucker for enjoying a good romance. But, what about Saeyoung? Well, I'll be happy to inform you that Yoosung has successfully managed to bring out the more sappier side of the older twin. Granted, he wouldn't go along with it right away. Saeyoung would often make stupid jokes or question specific decisions made by the characters, but give him some time, and he's going to be as invested in the unfolding story as he was with the last science-fiction series he finished.

• Yoosung's emotional side makes Saeyoung feel more comfortable showing his own weakness and shedding a few tears during an emotional scene, before brushing his tears away and sneaking a kiss on his partner's cheek. While Saeyoung might not be as romantic as Yoosung is, that does not mean he's not willing to try and arrange something out of this world, if he knows that that's what his boyfriend often daydreams about. He's all about making dreams come true! And what better way to gain some inspiration than by watching some tear jerking romance while cuddling and munching down on delicious snacks?

• Yoosung, on the other hand, enjoys making Saeyoung slow down and enjoy the moment. The dates that he plans for them are often peaceful and slow-paced: be it a walk on the beach or preparing a tasty picnic under the night sky his partner loves so dearly. It's a nice balance of excitement and peace that keeps them both as happy and fulfilled as they can be.

• They are the nerdiest couple around. Video games, movies, anime, manga, animation series - they will binge them all. Not to mention cosplay. Oh, boy, the cosplay... Once Saeyoung manages to make Yoosung try it once, there's no stopping what comes next. They are nerds, and they are not ashamed to show it!

• One of Saeyoung's favorite things is surprising Yoosung with a crushing hug from behind, practically lifting him off of the ground (and sometimes even twirling him around the room if he's feeling especially giddy). He can and will carry Yoosung around whenever he feels like it. Down the stairs, up the stairs, to the kitchen, to the garage - it doesn't matter. Definitely loves to tease him and loudly announce just how strong he is, simply because this is the easiest way to make Yoosung blush and stutter over his own words.

• On the other hand, Yoosung has a knack for giving compliments, which is a neat combo, considering just how weak Saeyoung is to praise. Really, he can take one look at his boyfriend, smile, and state how beautiful his eyes look in this light, and Saeyoung is done for. All of his bravado is out the window with one single genuine compliment, turning him into a blushy blabbering mess. With time, Yoosung just stops trying to make sense of his nervous ramblings, simply chuckling in response, before shutting his adorable boyfriend up with a tender kiss to his lips. Yes, Yoosung is much more straightforward with his affections!

• Pet names are... a weird thing with these two. See, you have Saeyoung, leaning his head onto Yoosungs shoulder, gazing lovingly into his eyes, before calling him 'his shmoopy' with utmost confidence in his voice, to which his partner will respond by addressing him with a lighthearted 'darling'. Listening to them flirt will give you a whiplash. They are both ridiculous and sickly sweet at the same time, much to the distress of everyone bearing witness to this confusing display in the chatroom.

• Saeyoung helps Yoosung experiment with his style! Be it his clothes, hair, or even nails and makeup - Saeyoung is more than excited to aid his advice on it all. It makes him so very happy to see Yoosung slowly but surely discovering who he is through self-expression... And it makes him feel more inspired to try something new himself! Really, these two are more fashionable than you may think.

• Yoosung's family basically adopts Saeyoung once they can be sure that they are safe enough to meet each other properly. Yoosung's mother adores him with all her heart and will go into full 'caring parent' mode whenever they decide to visit. They don't know all of the details, but the do know he had a troubled childhood... Which is why Yoosung's family is so determined to make both Saeyoung and Saeran feel as welcomed as possible. It's going to take time for both of the twins to feel more or less comfortable being taken care of in such an unfamiliar way, but nobody is rushing them to act a certain way. And, if someone does mess up, Yoosung is quick to take notice of the problem and bring it up the next time he sees the opportunity to do so.

[dryeyed]

heavenbreaker thoughts. feat. discord things

i still have to fully solidify a lot of what HB's motives and ideology are in my brain, but i have been munching on the stain shit seraph and i kinda talked about during our bnha watch. i think on the extreme downlow, shouta targeted heroes that only cared about themselves, and those who cared too little about themselves to throw themselves into danger( essentially self sacrificing ). Causing Problems On Purpose to see how heroes would work. then targeting the Shitty Ones.

i think sometimes he might've been working with akkie in the beginning as the two both got into their respective activism niches. but like. he got a good ol case of the "took it too far on his own", alcohol content 74%.

and i really do think that he kept heavenbreaker so far fucking underground during his early years. nobody really knew about HB past a name, and none could really make a connection just from discretion alone. his actions were mellow-ish in terms of ideology, nothing compared to what comes after when aksha goes missing. i think then it just becomes even more of a generalized anger towards the very world itself, rather than shitty heroes in a shitty hero society. more on a private/public info post incoming, but i think only nezu really found out from the Bad Shit and made the connections. he started getting reckless. he was quickly becoming the one thing he was actively seeking to destroy. started from a good place. ended with almost getting himself killed several times from all the bad shit he was putting himself in

i think he actually just gives up when aksha disappears, even if hizashi tells him he’s looking for her. and not gives up his act and gets it together, i think he gives up as a hero entirely. what good are they if they, if he, can’t save or protect those closest to him?? addiction gets worse and subsequently so do heavenbreaker's actions/general ideology. he puts targets in hospitals sometimes. he loses himself until hizashi physically shows up in the states and does something about it.

and shouta does a complete 180 once he does, once he moves back to japan and fixates on actually helping to find her. it's almost like someone grabbed his hand that had been so far beneath the surface and finally pulled him up for air. not like yet not unlike guiding a child having a tantrum to somewhere else for a perspective change. literally.

i think he looks back on these years with disdain and regret, yeah, but he also uses it as fuel to make sure he stays on most heroic and just path he knows how. uses it as fuel to teach his students that hero work isn’t flashy and fun, it’s dangerous and tragic.

imo i gotta work out the details, but i think the only way he becomes a teacher is 1) hizashi + possibly nemuri genuinely begging nezu, telling him shouta is would be a good fit for homeroom and 2) shouta promising nezu through and through that he’s done with that life, and wants to commit to walking the path of a pro-hero

i'm cooking an hc that in the beginning of his teachers days, he actually struggled a bit with flashbacks. he'd be going to hold out a hand to help a kid up or he'd be in the middle of saying something to someone, and he just gets this flash. or right in the corner of his eye, someone or the person he's talking to is bloodied to the point of near-death and its just this jolt.

rough timeline: first emergences of heavenbreaker: ages 18-22 aksha disappears: age 22 heavenbreaker gets increasingly more and more aggressive and agitated: 22-25 shouta moves back to japan: 25

on the flip-side of that:

i think honestly. the difference between shouta's normal verse and villain verse is that he just. doesn't stop. he never becomes a teacher, hizashi doesn't get through to him. au where everything goes wrong, and part of that is his mental health and its deterioration

villain verse is literally just au where everyone fails their dice rolls

[dhampiravidi]

Actually Hal as Spectre is one of the best Hal runs and it is a super recommended thing to read if you want to know more. He's not only shown as genderqueer, but also he is the sole reason the Spectre changes from the spirit of vengeance to the spirit of redemption. It's a very sweet run also because he takes of his niece, Helen. But aside from that, Hal struggles with depression and a declining mental health. He became Parallax in the first place partly because of the trauma of witnessing his city (with his family in it) being completely destroyed, and then having the hero community refusing to help him (before the tragedy, Hal reached out to Bruce in desperation and Bruce tells him they're not friends and he won't help him). Keep in mind that Hal only becomes the Spectre after sacrificing himself (killing himself) to save everyone else.

Oh wow! I heard about him being genderqueer & taking care of Helen, but I thought those were just headcanons. Do you remember what tells the reader that he’s genderqueer (I sort of am, so 🥰). I do remember Coast City canonically being destroyed, as that event (I think? So many reboots, ugh) led up to my favorite arc, Blackest Night! Poor Hal. & thanks again for the info!