#and then I have to try to convince myself to make it darker and reduce some contrast

[robo-dino-puppy]

horizon forbidden west | aloy 68/?

[omimigod]

Shut up and let me love you (Manjirou Sano x F.reader)

Summary:He just couldn't do it any more.He felt pathetic and wanted to give up until you decided to confess that is.

A/n:Angst,happy ending,friends to lovers,contains manga spoilers,mention of suicide.

______________________________________

"I can't sit by and watch while you're suffering this much"you yelled causing the males eyes to widen slightly before he faked a smile.There it was again,that smile. It drove you insane especially when you knew that it was forced

"Don't do that Mikey!" You yelled out once more. The male frowned ,averting his eyes to the water below. You two had decided to go out for a ride on his bike until he abruptly stopped at a bridge nearby. He excused himself for a minute but your fear got the best of you so you decided to go check on him only to find him at top of the bridge.You ran as fast as your legs could carry you and made it to his side, panting heavily

To say that Mikey was shocked was an understatement, if you had to put it....he was displeased.You couldn't care less about how he thought at that second before you brought a hand up and slapped the male across his right cheek. His hand found itself on his cheek,eyes focusing on the ground

"Ever since Emma.....no...ever since the day Baji died you haven't been the same.lately you've gotten into more fights and it's frightening.I can't be by your side so what if something really bad happens? I can't lose you Mikey......."you breathe out as the male only smiled,bringing his free hand up to your cheekk,gently stroking it

"If anything happens to me.......Toman will always be there to help you" and there it was again.You had put up with this for so long but suddenly it felt like something had snapped.It was always 'Toman this' and 'Toman that', Was this boy stupid? you thought as anger boiled up inside of you and you finally gave in

"WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WHAT I WANT IS YOU AND NOT TOMAN!"you screamed,not caring about the passerby or the situation you were in. You decided that it was now or never or you would definitely regret it

"Why are you so dense? Even when I made you taiyakis for Valentines day all you did was eat it and think that it was store bought or the time I decided to dress up for new years just to get a compliment from you but you ended up falling asleep after you ate and I had to carry you back home. I always wondered why I had to fall in love with you, 'Manjirou Sano' of all people. You're childish,dense and you're not even tall"

"that's going too far-"he interrupted

"BUT I STILL LOVE YOU!" you yelled out,causing the males eyes to widen once again. His cheeks burnt bright red as he waited for you to continue

"I asked myself why.....and I can start naming reasons right now if it'll convince you not to jump off" you took a step forward,reducing the distance between the two of you .Bring a hand up you held the males face tenderly,rubbing your thumb over the area that you had slapped.His eyes started back at your (e/c) ones and you swore that you could see them tear up slightly

"I love that you always share your food with me however hungry you are" you started,planting a small kiss on the males forehead, causing him to turn a darker shade of red "I love how you lend me your jacket when I'm cold"you uttered before planting a kiss on his nose "I love that you always care about your members like they are your family"you said before softly pecking his right cheek "I love how you're somehow always there when something is about to go wrong"you stated before repeating the same action on the other cheek "and finally......I love you for being you Sano Manjirou,the bratty boy that I met when I was 6 who used to purposely loose a match at the dojo just to make me happy" you finished,eyes tearing up as a grin spread across your cheeks

Tears spilt out if his eyes as he watched you recite what you loved about him. It wasn't that he didn't love you,it was that he wasn't good enough for you. He already knew that he had fallen for you and didn't want to put you in danger so he decided to distance himself from you. He never thought that you'd be hurting this much. When he lost Baji,Emma and Shinichirou he had given up on life. There was nothing to look forward to. He had almost forgotten about what was right beside him. You.You were the girl that stood up for him even when your trembled in fear,you were the girl that always laughed at his jokes while others didn't and you were the girl that would never leave his side

"I-For a long time......I've been suffering. Ever since they left me......I had lost hope. I didn't want to get you involved but I truly love you (y/n) and I can't bear to see you getting hurt because of me. Today was the day we first met.......so I decided to end it all here......but I couldn't bring myself to.I stood there and remembered all the fun memories we shared.I didn't want it to end"he sobbed

Tears ran down your cheeks as you saw 'The invincible Mikey' as people liked to call him break down right in front of you.You really hated that name.At the end of the day Mikey is only a small boy who's dreams are as big as any others and he was trying to end his own life?Saying that it hurt wouldn't even compare to how much pain he was in now

"So shut up and let me love you" you mumbled,voice cracking from the sobs that you let out. Mikey intertwined his hands with yours that were previously resting on his cheeks before smashing his lips on yours. Your eyes widened slightly as you watched the love of your life reciprocate your feelings. Never in a million years would you have thought that Mikey would fall for you.A small smile made its way to your lips. maybe it was worth the wait you thought.After a few minutes,he pulled away,a genuine smile spread across his face

"I-I may not be-"

"Manjirou Sano,I decided to love you. I've decided that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.As much as you say that your imperfect,to me.......you're the best thing that's ever happened.I want to be the one by your side and I won't be taking no for an answer" you giggled causing the male to chuckled lightly

"You do realize how cheesy you sounded right?"he teased,pinching your red cheeks

"I know.......but if it helps you.......then I'm willing to say it all over again"

"I love you Manjirou Sano"you completed before he leaned in and rested his head on the crook of your neck

"Thank you for always staying by my side" he whispered as he pulled back and went in for another kiss,completely forgetting about why he was there in the first place.

[buckyownsmylife]

Not about angels (Part II) - Sebastian Stan smut

The one where Seb is the devil, you’re both reunited in hell and he’s very happy to get reacquainted with your body.

Warnings: anal sex, devil!Seb, oral sex (f) and I honestly can’t think of anything else

A/N: this is the smutty follow-up to this fic, but I guess it can be read as a pwp one-shot. Day 13 of kinktober, my prompts were anal sex and “you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen” and this came out a lot more fluffy than intended. Again, unrevised. Lmk if you want to beta for me (or become my friend, I also need one of those).

Seb’s P.O.V.

She giggled just before I dropped her on the bed of my - well, now our - bedroom. “You’re the one who made me horny in the first place. So now it’s your responsibility to help me deal with it.” She bit her lip, pretending to think about it.

“Although I’m not 100% convinced of the veracity of your statement, I am completely and utterly prepared to ‘deal with it’, so come here at once!” Laughing, I let my pants drop on the floor before crawling up to her in bed. She looked just as eager as I was, and I was desperate to get my hands on her again.

“I missed you so much, darling…” I whispered against her skin as I kissed her everywhere I could. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Her sweet little giggle echoed off the walls of our bedroom again.

“Never thought I’d be saying this… but I’m glad I died, too.” Growling, I lightly bit her shoulder to warn her about her words, but it only made her giggle more. It made my insides warm and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her all over, remind her that she was mine and she’d only be mine until the end of time. 

“I love you,” I reminded her, to which she opened the most beautiful smile, her hands coming up to cradle my face as her bright eyes read into my very essence. How could a human hold such power over the devil, I’d never understand, but regardless, I’d always be thankful for finding her.

“I love you too, Sebastian,” she whispered, prompting me to lean over and capture her lips in another breathtaking kiss. As expected, she was out of breath when I finally separated our faces again, leaving her lips plump and slightly darker from my nibbles.

Oh, she was magnificent. And she was all mine.

Slowly, I inched the edge of her dress so it’d uncover her perfect skin, so smooth to the touch, first revealing her incredible thighs, her panties-clad mouthwatering pussy, her soft, kissable stomach until her breasts came into view and I could pull it away completely.

“Tell me, how did I get so lucky?” She just giggled in response, but it was cut short by my lips wrapping around one of her nipples, while I tugged on the other. Immediately, her surprised gasp was replaced by satisfied moans and I felt my head spin just by the way those sweet little sounds took over the bedroom. 

No one really should have this much power over the devil, but there wasn’t anything left to do now. I’d burn the whole world down if I had to learn how to live without her again. She’d be mine forever.

As I softly sucked marks on her breasts, one of my hands caressed its way up her body until it found a home around her neck, just like I’d taught her to enjoy. Just a tiny squeeze and she was a mess, her legs automatically opening wider, her hips jutting up in an effort to gather any sort of friction in the place where she was dripping already. 

It was impossible not to smirk against her skin at the effect I had on her, but I forced myself to ignore her soft pleas as I continued to mark my path down her body, taking all the time in the world to get reacquainted with her under these new conditions.

We did have all the time in the world, after all. However, it seemed like Y/N wasn’t completely in agreement with my plans, by the way she continued to thrash around the bed, trying to urge me to speed my movements. 

“Eager, baby?” I had to tease, to which she pouted, making me groan at the sight of her delicious bottom lip sticking out, begging to be sucked. I entertained my own desires for a second, biting down on it when I was done, before resuming my previous position. “Now let me taste you again, darling. You know, I think I forgot what you taste like.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

I wanted to roll my eyes at his antics, but then his warm tongue licked a line up my pussy and I was reduced to a puddle of my own desires. “Hmm… Just as sweet as I remembered, my love.”

I gasped as he delved in with even more fervor, sticking his tongue as far as it could go inside my hole, and my hips thrusted up on their own accord. “You… You ate me out just this morning, before you went to wor… before you came here.”

Sebastian hummed against my clit that he was now sucking, the vibrations travelling across my body and making me cry out. “Time works differently around here. Besides, any minute apart from you feels like a century.”

One of his hands made its way up my body to play with my erect nipples, before pulling it roughly. He knew how much I appreciated that little bite of pain. “Yo-you’re very… dramatic,” I accused, still trying to control my reactions as he slurped me eagerly. This time, he didn’t pay me any attention, too occupied with the exploration of my pussy with two of his fingers.

He had me cumming on his mouth within seconds.

“You’re too good at this,” I joked after I was able to breathe again, and he only smirked against the shoulder that he now kissed as he waited for me to come back to him. “Can I have you inside of me now?”

The groan he released at my words was anything but human - at least now it made sense, I supposed. “You little minx. You drive me crazy, do you know that?” I could only laugh, finding the energy to roll on my stomach before rising to my hands and knees, presenting myself to him. 

“How do you want to take me?” I teased, looking over my shoulder to meet his darkened eyes that spoke of dangerous plans for me and my body. His gaze temporarily dropped to my ass, and I knew just what he wanted.

“Don’t tempt me,” he warned, but we shared the same desires, as always. Perhaps that’s why we were, one way or another, soulmates.

“You can have that too, Seb. I’m all yours. My whole body is yours to take.” He threw himself over me to find my lips again, and after a kiss that took my breath away, he leaned back while licking his lips.

“Well, let’s get you prepared, then.” The following minutes was a mess of tongue and fingers exploring my puckered hole, and all I seemed to be able to do was whine and fuck myself against whatever Sebastian was using to stretch and lubricate me enough to welcome his cock inside of me. 

Some sort of lube came into play suddenly, I didn’t know where it’d come from or how Seb managed to get it without me noticing it, but after that, it all became even easier and more pleasurable. We’d done this before, only once, and he’d been asking me for it for ages, but I was always too lazy to handle the preparation or too eager to have him inside of me to wait for it, but this time, everything seemed to fall into place.

Sebastian’s P.O.V.

Before long, I’d managed to use three fingers to thrust into her, and by the way she was moving against them, it was clear that she was more than ready to welcome my cock inside of her. So after pouring more lube all over my member, I started to push it inside of her hole, fascinated by the sight of her incredible ass stretching to accommodate my cock.

When I finally managed to fit all of myself inside of her, I paused to memorize the sight before me. Her, on her knees, having fallen down to her forearms as she trembled with pleasure underneath me, her gorgeous body on display for me to do as I pleased with it.

There was not a day when I wouldn’t thank whoever was listening for the trust she deposited in me. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” I recognized, and she moaned out loud in response, prompting me to bury two fingers inside of her delicious pussy once more, desperate to hear her melodious symphony again.

“Sing for me, darling,” I begged, finally starting to thrust in and out of her tight channel, a choked moan escaping my lips as I carefully fucked her ass while fingering her. She did not disappoint - she could never disappoint me -, thrusting back against me while I searched for that spot that made her lose control, and pressed down on it when I managed to find it. 

She screamed my name as I rode her orgasm, anxious to meet my own release. Pressing my nails on her ass, I used my newfound grip to push her to me, knowing I’d leave bruises behind and she’d loved me for it.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum in your ass, my love,” I warned, throwing my head back and closing my eyes as I felt the fire in the pit of my stomach take over me, losing control of my hips for a moment.

“I think it’s safe to say we’re as great at this in hell as we were back on Earth.” Snorting, I couldn’t believe the woman I’d chosen to spend the rest of eternity with. I’d clearly made the right choice.

[spookyc]

i’d love to hear about your talent swap maki (if you want to)

So glad you asked! This will probably be a long post so be prepared.

Okay so, Maki is easily my favorite character in v3 and probably in the whole series, so it only made sense she was my first swap. Maki in this au is the ultimate artist and she got into art during her time at the orphanage. Due to the stress of having to take care of the kids all the time, her friend, Hana, (yes she has a name in this au because she's way more important in this au) suggested it to help relieve her stress. Maki was skeptical at first but when she tried it she realized that it was surprisingly comforting and fun, so she continued it and found a real passion for it.

Unfortunately for her, she still has the assassins to worry about, and they had their eyes on her in this au. Originally she would have accepted the role if it meant protecting the other kids but now she wasn't so sure. She wanted to pursue her art as a career and show it to the world. But, she reluctantly accepted the fact that her art would only be posted onto the orphanage's walls. Or at least that's what she thought. See, unbeknownst to her, Hana wasn't planning on letting that happen and she would do everything in her power to prevent Maki from leaving. So, when Maki packed her things and prepared to leave with the other assassins, Hana pushed her out of the way. She then proceeded to tell the assassins that Maki was unfit to be an assassin, that Maki was too emotional and that she would make a far better candidate. The irony of course being that Hana was mostly talking about herself.

Maki fought with her and tried to convince the assassins otherwise but eventually the assassins decided on Hana and took her away. Maki was never the same after she left, always anxious and on edge. But still, she had hope that Hana would come back to her, so she waited. And waited. And waited. Until finally, after many years, Hana's training was finished. Maki eagerly stood by the door, waiting for them to open and bring Hana with them. And after an eternity, they finally did. Immediately Maki was met by the same two assassins that had taken Hana away all those years ago. And with them was a familiar face, just not the one Maki was expecting. Angie Yonaga.

See, in this au, Angie is the ultimate child caregiver as well as the ultimate assassin. She also is in the charge of the whole cult aspect of the assassin organization and sort of acts like a figurehead, but one that still works for the organization. To Maki's dismay though, no one else enters the door. She asks Angie where Hana is and Angie tells her the bad news. Hana is dead. She had died on a mission. Maki is immediately in disbelief, telling Angie that she has to be wrong. But Angie reaffirms to Maki that Hana is long gone. Then Maki goes into a rage, asking Angie why she didn't do anything. Angie says that it was out of her control and that there was nothing she could have done. But Maki refuses to believe this and this is where her hatred of Angie begins.

Deep down Maki knows that Angie isn't really responsible for this, but she blames her because she doesn't want to consider the reality of the situation. The reality of what happens to assassins when they don't return from a mission. The fact that Hana killed herself. Maki can't accept this truth and so she redirects her grief-striken anger towards Angie and believes that killing her will give her closure. But as all revenge stories go, it won't, and Maki knows that it won't but if getting rid of Angie and her organization can help ease her mind then she will do what is necessary. After the news of Hana's passing, Maki gets planning. She plans to eventually take down the assassin organization and take Angie down with it.

But she knows that she will face sure death if she faces Angie at her current state, she needs to train to prepare for their battle. So she packs her things and leaves the orphanage at night without a word. She takes to the streets and sells her art to get by, all while training at night for the day she fights Angie. Word of a talented artist begins to spread until the Ultimate Initiative hears of Maki and decides to deem her the ultimate artist. And one night after a bout of training, Maki is kidnapped in the night and brought to the Ultimate Academy and our main plot starts here.

And it's great because Maki was already pissed that she got taken to this school against her will but when she finds out that Angie is there too she is.....not pleased to say the least. But once the killing game is introduced to them, Maki gains hope again for her plan. In the first chapter she initially plans on going through with the First Blood Perk, but cannot get to Angie as she is constantly surrounded by others. After the first case though, Maki starts to spread rumors to the others about Angie being the ultimate assassin, since she's the only one that knows. Most everyone is skeptical except Kiibo (ultimate supreme leader) who is naturally suspicious of everyone and Miu (ultimate survivor) because she's always gotten "bad vibes" from Angie. But when the motive videos are introduced she is one of the big advocaters of exchanging the motive videos and is also very particular about finding out who owns Angie's. This leads to her attempting the motive screening party with everyone, working with Kiibo and Miu. Her approach is far more diplomatic than Kokichi's in the main game, simply using the power of manipulation, with help from Kiibo, to try and convince everyone to come. Haven't completely worked out everything that happens with that, but it gets stopped before they can show anything and the second case plays out. It is after the case where Maki gets a hold of Angie's video and asks Monokuma to show it to, "make things more interesting." Monokuma agrees and Angie's motive video is shown and now everyone knows that Angie is the ultimate assassin.

This leads into the third chapter with a huge divide between the group. Now Maki, Kiibo, Miu, as well as three other students have formed a sort of Anti-Angie squad. They believe that Angie is a threat and should be dealt with and prevented from participating in the killing game. The other six are the Angie Support squad who while they recognize that Angie is an assassin, they also believe that she is a student just like the rest of them and she should not be ostracized as a monster. And it's with the support of the Anti-Angie squad that Maki plans to finally go for the kill. Her plan is to use the necronomicon to revive one of the past killers and to use them as a puppet to kill Angie. Now Maki still doesn't believe in the occult, but she's so blinded by her hatred and revenge that she will utilize any measure possible if it means killing Angie.

So she works together with Shuichi, (ultimate anthropologist) and the revived person to kill Angie. This however backfires when the revived person doesn't act as planned and can't go through with killing Angie and tries to convince Maki to change her mind. She gets angry and kills the revived individual, reducing them back to ash. And right as she's about to kill Angie, she sees that she is speaking with Gonta (ultimate tennis pro/ultimate prisoner). And so, using the katana that Shuichi lended her, she sends it hurtling through Gonta's chest.

With surprising force, the sword goes in through his back and out his chest and when she pulls the sword back she leaves him to bleed out. Her eyes lock on to the horrified Angie and she makes a move towards her, until she feels something stop her. A hand digs into her shoulder and prevents her from moving. It's Shuichi. Snapping out of her frozen state, Angie takes the opportunity and makes a run for it. Maki tries to follow her but Shuichi holds her arms back. She demands him to let her go but he refuses, telling Maki that she needs to stop. Maki questions his intentions, seeing as how he was fine with the plan before. Shuichi explains that he was okay with it before innocent lives were slaughtered and he argues that if Maki is willing to go that far to see Angie die then maybe this plan isn't worth it. Seething with anger she glares daggers at Shuichi, but after some time she relaxes and pulls Shuichi into a hug.

Surprised by the gesture, he lets go of her and hugs her back giving her the perfect opportunity to impale him with his own katana. As he's coughing up blood and clutching his chest, she thinks to go after Angie, but then she observes the scene before her. At the pile of ash and the two bodies dying on the ground. An idea then forms in her mind. Why kill her myself when I can simply pin these murders on her?

And so the rest of the case plays out, her leaving Gonta's body where it laid and hiding Shuichi's in Angie's research room. She convinces the Anti-Angie squad that Angie killed Gonta and Shuichi and the trial proceeds with half of the class vehemently arguing that Angie is the killer. However with the precise detective work from Kiyo, he's able to deduce that Maki is the killer and that is where her story ends.

Well, not entirely, since Kiyo can see and hear ghosts in this au she still terrorizes and threatens him at every turn but chapter three is where her main story concludes.

I am so sorry for the length, I tend to get way too in depth with things and the addition of it being Maki doesn't help but I hope you enjoyed the read. Her plot line has been a lot of fun to come up with, its almost like a Maki villain arc in a way, like if she had went down a darker path. I've still got a few tweaks I need to make but overall I'm really proud with how her arc has come along and I appreciate being able to infodump about it, so thanks!

[twinklysmiles]

Emotional Release

A Star Trek Tickle Fic

Fandom: Star Trek TOS / AOS Characters: Spock / Leonard Bones McCoy  Warnings: Tickling, implied smut Word Count: 2,444

Summary: The one where Spock’s hormonal balance is off, and McCoy has just the cure. (This might well be how ‘Spones’ first began.)

Dr. McCoy ran his scanner all over Spock’s body, humming and grunting cryptically at the readings, his face creased in a worried frown that got even deeper when he noticed the Vulcan, who was currently lying on the biobed in his underwear, shifting around uncomfortably.

He’d summoned Spock for an unscheduled physical, after the first officer had practically bitten his head off during one of their friendly arguments, his temper uncharacteristically getting the better of him.

“Stop fidgeting, Spock!” the doctor sighed, “I’m nearly done. Your hormones are all over the place, we’ll have to find a way of emotional release for you, and soon. Like it or not, you are half human, and constantly suppressing your emotions just isn’t healthy.”

“I thought that was what your little jibes and provocations were about, Doctor,” Spock replied, “to give me the opportunity for emotional release in a dignified and subtle way through our frequent arguments.”

“I know, Spock,” McCoy smiled kindly at his patient, “that was the plan, and it’s worked so far. But it doesn’t seem to be enough, anymore. We’ll have to find something else, something more intense.”

Sitting up, Spock looked at the doctor almost anxiously, and McCoy felt his heart going out to his friend.

“Don’t worry, Spock, I’ll think of something,” he said reassuringly, reaching out to gently squeeze the Vulcan’s knee.

Spock inhaled sharply and jerked his leg out of McCoy’s grasp as if he’d been scorched by the touch, his face flushing a deep green.

The doctor looked at him, baffled, a slow smile spreading across his face as he reached his hand out again to squeeze Spock’s other knee.

This time, the Vulcan let out a snort that sounded more like a hiccup, and desperately batted the doctor’s hand away.

“Please refrain from doing that, Doctor,” Spock said, his voice unusually high.

“Why, Spock? Are you ticklish?” McCoy grinned, unable to hide his glee at the unexpected discovery.

“I’m … “ Spock swallowed hard, “I don’t know. But it is annoying.”

“Annoying?” McCoy guffawed. “This is adorable!”

Spock’s face turned an even darker shade of green, terribly embarrassed to display such a childish human weakness.

“Are you ticklish anywhere else?” the doctor asked, starting a surprise-attack on Spock’s midsection, lightly scrabbling his fingers all over his belly, making the Vulcan let out an actual squeal and nearly fall off the biobed, as he jumped and twisted this way and that to avoid McCoy’s devious fingers.

“Please desist, Doctor,” Spock growled through gritted teeth, puffing out short gusts of breath as McCoy’s nimble fingers kept tormenting his ticklish stomach, belly and sides, “this is most humiliAHAHAHAting.”

The Vulcan couldn’t hold back any longer, when the doctor added his second hand into the assault, the wicked two-pronged attack on Spock’s ribs making him burst into bright, helpless laughter, as the unbearably ticklish sensations flashing through his body made him want to jump out of his skin.

Bahahahahahahaha! Woohoohoohoohoohoohoo! Nohohohohohoho! Plehehehehease DESIIIIIIHIHIHIHIHIST!

“Humiliating?” McCoy repeated, once he’d taken his hands away and the Vulcan’s adorable laughter had died down. “Spock! This is human. Everyone’s ticklish somewhere. You don’t know how many tickle spots I’ve discovered on our crew members over the years. Being ticklish is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact, this might just be what we need!”

“I’m sorry, Doctor?” Spock, still panting hard and giggling occasionally, looked as perplexed as a Vulcan could.

“You see, being tickled and laughing freely is a great stress relief, which also makes it a perfect means of emotional release.”

“Are you suggesting to tickle me in order to get my hormonal balance back?” Spock asked, and the doctor could have sworn he saw fear in his eyes.

“Actually, I am,” McCoy grinned, doing his trademark little bounce at the idea. “We really need to do something about those hormones, and we might just as well have some fun!”

Seeing Spock shrink back, clearly convinced that the fun would only be on the doctor’s side, McCoy asked, “Has your mother never tickled you when you were a kid? Joanna loved to be tickled, couldn’t get enough, laughing her adorable little head off.”

Spock looked at the doctor aghast.

“I remember my mother doing it to me once or twice, but ‘laughing one’s head off’ is not very dignified, and my father specifically prohibited it after seeing my reaction. Apparently, I seem to have been rather … er … sensitive.”

A little shiver visibly ran down Spock’s spine at the memory.

“Tell you what, Spock,” McCoy suggested, trying to sound all business, when he really couldn’t wait to get his hands on the Vulcan again. “Since this could be the perfect therapy for you, let’s test out your tickle spots a little more, and see if we can work with that.”

Spock swallowed, nervously licking his lips.

“What if I cannot endure it?” he asked almost timidly, and McCoy suspected that the Vulcan was way more than just a little ticklish and knew it, too.

“We won’t know unless we try, will we?” the doctor smirked, already imagining Spock cackling, squirming and writhing under his vicious fingers. “And a little struggle and belly-laugh is exactly what we’re aiming for, if we want this to work.”

“Doctor,” Spock gulped, jumping off the bed to get farther away from McCoy’s fingers, which the doctor was wiggling teasingly in the air, “I don’t think I can do this. I’m really too ticklish.”

“Oh, come on Spock, a little tickle won’t kill you,” McCoy laughed, although Spock’s face seemed to contradict.

“I am not sure that I can control myself when tickled,” the Vulcan tried.

“You’re not supposed to control yourself, Spock,” McCoy countered exasperatedly. “The whole point is to let go and get some emotional relief!”

“But I might accidentally hurt you, Doctor,” Spock pointed out.

“Well, if you’re getting too wild, we’ll have to restrain you, of course.”

Never before had McCoy seen Spock’s eyes grow so wide.

“As a last resort, I mean,” he chuckled, then added mischievously, “but I think I could always tell Jim and the others about what I’ve found out today. Maybe you’d rather be tickled publicly by them on the bridge instead of here, by me, in this soundproof room?”

Now Spock looked actually shocked.

“I promise I’ll be gentle, and who knows? You might actually enjoy it!” the doctor tried to cajole him into complying.

As much as he was looking forward to tickling the hell out of the stoic Vulcan, he really wanted to help him, and truly believed that a ticklish workout – physically as well as emotionally – would actually help restore Spock’s hormonal balance.

“Come on, Spock, let’s get started,” McCoy patted the biobed. “Be a good boy, lie down, and raise your arms above your head for me.”

And, seeming to briefly consider his options one more time, Spock complied.

********************

McCoy had the time of his life. He could hardly believe how ticklish Spock really was.

The Vulcan wasn’t able to keep his arms above his head for even a second, when the doctor just lightly touched his armpits, and instantly fell into silent laughter when McCoy’s fingers, trapped in his underarms, continued wiggling viciously. Nor was he able to keep from squirming and desperately trying to bat McCoy’s hands away when touched anywhere on his belly, sides or ribs.

Spock’s laughter was deep and throaty when tickled anywhere on his belly, and high-pitched, intermingled with squeals when the doctor clawed his ribs. Armpits, whenever the doctor got a chance to get his hands in, usually while Spock was flailing his arms trying to keep McCoy’s hands off his ribs, always rendered him completely hysterical, throwing him into immediate silent laughter mode. Quite obviously a really diabolical spot.

After a few minutes of struggling to get a good tickle in at all, McCoy switched on the biobed sensors and monitor, promising to keep a close eye on the vitals that would tell him exactly how much Spock could take and when he’d reached his limits, then asked the Vulcan to let himself be restrained, which the first officer grudgingly agreed to, the alternative being to inform the captain of this new, highly promising therapy.

“Isn’t it strange how much pain the human body can endure, and yet is so unbearably vulnerable to tickling?” McCoy couldn’t help teasing, watching Spock’s pulse readings rise immediately.

Over the next 30 minutes, the doctor had Spock practically continuously laughing. Since McCoy wanted to avoid direct skin contact with the Vulcan, not least to keep the pleasure he got out of this “treatment” from Spock, neck, ears, knees and thighs were off limits. But when he saw the poorly concealed relief in the Vulcan’s face, especially at the mention of his ears and thighs, the doctor made a mental note to have some silk gloves ready for the next session.

Spock’s whole abdomen was basically one huge tickle spot. The sides of his belly were unbearably sensitive to light, feathering touches, eliciting hysterical cackling from the Vulcan. Staccato tapping anywhere on his stomach resulted in a rich belly-laugh, probably McCoy’s favourite sound. And counting his ribs, gentle fingers drilling in the spaces in between, made the Vulcan howl with laughter.

Apart from his armpits, which really seemed to be Spock’s worst spot, and on which the doctor had to go easy, his sides just above the hipbone proved to be another excruciatingly ticklish spot, when receiving a skilful thumb treatment. Unlike his underarms, the hips at least allowed the Vulcan a few moments of cackling and shrieking before being reduced to silent laughter.

For the last five minutes, McCoy went to the foot of the bed, grinning when Spock’s face clearly showed regret for not having taken his socks off before his exam, nervously curling his toes in ticklish anticipation. When the doctor reached out to touch the twitching feet before him, the Vulcan took a deep breath and clamped his mouth shut, as if he was about to jump into deep water.

McCoy let his two index fingers slowly trail up Spock’s soles, from the heels to the base of his toes, watching the first officer desperately shake his head from side to side while puffing out short breaths through his nose. The doctor went on to play little piggy with all of the Vulcan’s toes, noticing with interest that squeezing and twiddling his middle toes made Spock jerk violently, eliciting the highest-pitched squeaks yet.

And when McCoy finally used one hand to hold back the toes and keep Spock from scrunching them up, while scratching all the fingers of his other hand rapidly from side to side underneath them, along the stems, Spock burst into uncontrollable laughter, escalating into shrieks and screams, his whole body thrashing and spasming, yanking so hard at the restraints, he was almost tearing them off. The doctor quickly let go of the first officer’s feet again.

“Sorry, Spock,” McCoy apologised to the panting Vulcan, unfastening the restraints and handing him a tissue to wipe the tears and sweat from his face. “Are you all right? I had no idea having your feet tickled would be so harrowing for you, I think we’d better skip them next time.”

“Next time?” Spock croaked unable to hide his shock, his voice hoarse from all the laughing and shrieking.

“Well, take a look at the readings yourself!” the doctor grinned smugly, pointing at the display of his tricorder and handing the Vulcan a large glass of water, which Spock gulped down greedily. “I’d say, if we do this twice a month, your anger and other emotional issues will be a thing of the past.”

When Spock had caught his breath again, and had shaken himself several times to get rid of all residual tickles and giggles, he got up, stretched, raised an intrigued eyebrow at the doctor, and admitted that he felt much better indeed.

“Thank you, Doctor. Unusual as this method may be, you seem to have, in fact, found an effective therapy for my hormonal imbalance,” Spock observed, glancing not very subtly from his own standard issue briefs to McCoy’s pants. “I can count on your confidentiality?”

The doctor cleared his throat, feeling the heat rising to his cheeks, certain that his face displayed a shade of pink easily matching the Vulcan’s green hue, when he looked at the enormous tent in Spock’s briefs, only to discover the impressive proof of the therapy’s effectiveness in his own bulging pants, too.

“Uh, of course, Spock. And please, call me Leonard,” he grinned wryly, watching the Vulcan invade his personal space with what could only be described as a slow smile.

“So, tell me, Leonard,” Spock actually purred, “did you enjoy my emotional release?”

********************

So, whoever happens to be in a quiet sickbay every other late Sunday evening, pressing an ear against the door of the otherwise soundproof examination room, might hear something like this.

“Hahahahaha! Hehehehe! Nononono! Nohohot thehehehehre! Plehehehehase not thehehehere! AAAAAHAHAHAH! Nohohot my behehehelly! Ahahahah! Plehehehease Leonahahahahard!”

“NOOOOO! AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA! NOHOHOHOT THE RIHIHIHIHIBS!”

“EEEEEK!”

Long silence

“Please, leave my armpits alone, Leonard! You know I can’t take it there.”

Panting

“BAWAHAHAHAHAH! Stohohohohp! My stohohohomach is muhuhuhuch too TIHIHIHIHCKLISH! DEHEHEHEHESIIIIIIIIIST! I cahahahan’t! It tihihihickles so bahahahad! AHAHAHAHA! AAAAAAAAHAHAH!”

More panting

“No! No! No! Nononono! NOOOOO! NOHOHOHOHO! DEATH SPOT! DEATH SPOHOHOHOHOT! Desiiiist! DESIIIIIIIHIHIHIHIST!”

Hiccupping

“You are one evil doctor, Leonard.” Gasp. “How can you always hit those spots at the sides of my belly so accurately?”

Kissing sounds?

“AAAAAH! Don’t! NOOOOOOHOHO! Not thehehehre! NOT THEHEHEHEHERE! AAAAAAH! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Not AHAHAHAHAHA the AHAHAHAHAHAH hi-hi-hi-hi-HI-HI-HIIIIPS!”

Long silence

“Enough, enouhugh! ENOUGH!” Gasp, gasp. “I’ve had enough, Leonard, I can’t take anymore. And neither can you, it seems.”

More kissing sounds?

“Spock, I need…”

“Yes, Leonard?”

“Mmmmmh! Ooooooh! Yes, yes, yes, yessssss!”

“Not so fast, Leonard! Light touches, just as you like to administer to my belly.”

“Please, Spock, don’t be cruel!”

“I’m Vulcan, we’re not cruel.”

“Oh, Spock, please!”

“This better, Leonard?”

“Oooooh, yes! Mmmmmmmh, aaaaaaah, oooooooh, mmmmmmh. SPOCK!”

“Is there a problem, Leonard?”

“You son of a mmmmmmh, yeeeeeees, mmmmmmh, yes, yes, yes!”

“Like this?”

“Oh, yes! Oooooh, more, mooooore, yeeeees, neeeed moooore! Just like that! Yes, yes, more! Mmmmmmmmh! Right there, oh yes, mmmmmh, yes!”

Long silence

“Spock!”

“Leonard!”

“SPOCK!”

“LEONARD!”

“Oh God, oh fuck!”

Vulcan cursing

Heavy breathing

“FUCK! SPOCK! FUCK!”

“YESSSSSS!”

More heavy breathing

“Fucking hell, that was the fucking best!”

“Fucking agreed.”

Once a month would probably be enough, but McCoy certainly won’t tell Spock that, because he’s having far too much fun tickling the Vulcan silly and, well, dealing with the side effects.

Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing of Star Trek 

[screensirenfic]

Menthol Cigarettes - Chapter 4

I managed to get my mind off of Steve’s kicked puppy expression somewhere between the ride from Starcourt and the junction at Elm and Maple.  

The boy had a habit of guilt tripping that always put a downer on my mood, and I really had to quit dropping in just before I went on dates, but really; I expected him to be more mature about this!

I mean; I know it was Billy Hargrove, and Steve fucking hated his guts long before he kicked his ass back at the Byers, but wasn’t it time he got over it?

Billy was at least trying.

Him and Steve would never be friends, but at least he understood that me and Steve were kind of a package deal, and if he wanted to see me on romantic terms, he at least had to tolerate the noble idiot.

Steve wouldn’t even try that; too busy reminding me that Billy was a total psychopath and was just one bad day away from completely losing it and blowing us all to hell.

It was almost as if he forgot that the exact same rumours were circulating about me just last year after I’d saved his ass from Tommy H; but like they say, time can make happy memories out of the darkest of days.

Still; I’d appreciate it if he stopped badgering me about dating a psycho every time I went for an ice cream; it was almost enough to make you switch to fro yo-

Fuck; there goes the power again!

Hawkins had been getting these short periods of blackouts for the best of a month.

Dad said it was probably from some dodgy deal Mayor Klein had colluded with the energy company that lowered electricity bills at the expense of performance, and considering the election was only a few days away, he probably was right.

Still; it made driving at night a bitch considering my only source of light now was the shit poor headlamp on the front of my Triumph.

I could pull over and wait for the power to come back on, but god knows how long that’d be, so instead I just slowed down a bit; hoping above all hope that none of the fair trucks had the same idea in the opposite direction.

When I arrived outside number 4819, the power still hadn’t come back on; the outside of the place looking more like a set from a suburban slasher movie in the limited moonlight.

It probably should’ve completely flipped my stomach, considering what I’d come here for, but part of it made me more excited; like everything was just gonna add to the atmosphere.

I turned off my bike’s engine, submerging myself in near complete darkness, and strode up the porch to the front door, pressing the bell.

It was out, but I should’ve expected it with the power cut, so instead I knocked firmly three times.

Part of me had been expecting for him to be stood just on the other side of the door, waiting for the opportunity to pull me in unawares and kiss me until I was breathless.

It wouldn’t be the first time, and just the thought of it made my heart beat faster; fingers twitching with nervous energy, because it didn’t matter how many times we did this, I got an adrenaline rush every time.

But still; there was no answer, and I tried not to let my mind jump to conclusions; already getting flashbacks to the day we reconnected, those dark bruises that covered his skin, all that blood-

No. He’d be okay. He was just in the shower or something... in the complete dark.

I knocked again, glancing over my shoulder to note the Camaro parked out front and the complete lack of any other cars at all.

Maybe I’d gotten it wrong.

He said his parents would be out, but it still looked like he was in; not that Billy went many places besides work without me.

It drove Steve to despair, but it wasn’t my fault he didn’t like him, and Billy so liked having someone who genuinely cared about him at his side.

“Billy?” I called out, deciding fuck it and drumming on the door, because his dad clearly wasn’t home and I was getting worried.

“Billy; it’s me, Lola!” I continued; trying not to bite my lip as my mind conspired all the terrible things that could’ve happened to him, all the places he could be.

I could feel my heart thundering in my chest; fear overtaking excitement as I tried not to picture him blacked out on his bedroom floor, blood clotted in his pretty blonde hair as he struggled to breathe through a litany of bruises.

Billy’s dad beat him less of late, but when he did, it was enough to bring me to tears.

I’d had to take him to the ER twice since February; once for a broken wrist, the next time for a set of stitches from a plate he smashed against the underside of his jaw.

We had to feed the doctors some bullshit excuse about him falling off the back of my bike when we were fucking around, because Billy refused to tell anyone but me the truth.

It broke my heart every time I came to see him with a new shiner or bloody lip, watching my boyfriend be reduced to a human punchbag, but when I tried to suggest we speak to my dad about it again; he just got mad at me and told me I wasn’t listening.

I just wanted him to be safe.

That’s part of the reason I convinced him to get a job at the pool.

It would be hard for his dad to try and hide his abuse when the whole town could see it painted on Billy’s skin.

That, and the fact Billy was saving to move back to California in a couple of years.

He wanted me to come with him, but that was an entirely different discussion that I really didn’t need to think about just yet, not when there was a good chance we were a paramedic call away from an emergency right now.

It had only been five minutes, but already that was too long for my frayed nerves, so I decided to try around the back.

Maybe someone left a window open or something.

Hell; maybe I’d be lucky and they forgot to lock the backdoor!

I circled to the back of the house, eyeing up all the windows that were locked up tight as expected.

Billy’s folks didn’t fuck around when it came to security, though whether that was out of common sense or a desire to control their kids remained to be seen.

I eventually reached Billy’s room and could see he left his window open a crack, probably in case his dad came home early and he needed to sneak me out fast.

It would be a tight squeeze, but I’m sure I could jimmy it open a bit more and fit through.

I made to scale the wall of the house, wishing not for the first time that I was a few inches taller so I could actually reach the sill, even if only on my tippietoes.

Instead I had to use the wood siding as a makeshift stepladder to climb up.

After that; it was a simple job of wriggling through the gap; something easier said than done considering my ass kept getting stuck.

Still; I persisted, and with one final pull, I found myself face down on the stained carpet of Billy Hargrove’s bedroom.

It was darker in here than it even was outside with no moonlight to guide me, but even in the dark; I could tell Billy wasn’t here, and maybe that was a good sign.

I pushed myself up to my hands and knees, bracing myself to get up on my feet, when a firm hand pressed tight over my mouth.

“Don’t move.”

TAGLIST: @lemonypink @daringvixon

[aithrauniverse]

Chapter 18-Aithne

As we walked along the magical tightrope (or at least Laila and Astra walked. Me, uh, it’s safe to say I mostly tripped and fell rather ungracefully), I looked back. 

Laila seemed pretty confident, striding forward with her wings out for balance. But Astra seemed troubled. Her head drooped downwards, and she absentmindedly fiddled with the feathers on her wings -something she only did when she was nervous. Clearly, something was troubling her.

And I had to get to the bottom of it.  

Praying that I wouldn’t fall on my butt again, I turned backwards, inching towards Astra. Somehow, I managed to make it without toppling over. (Okay, fine, maybe I did fall once or twice. Or five times.) Slowly, I placed my hand on Astra’s shoulder. She hesitantly looked up, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes and threatening to spill over.  

“What?” she snapped.  

“Are you okay?” I asked, a concerned look on my face. (At least I hoped I looked concerned. And not, like, constipated or something.)

“Yeah,” she lied through her teeth, swiping at her face. Yep. Definitely something bothering her.  

I raised my eyebrows. “There’s no point trying to hide it, Astra. You can trust me.”

She took a shaky breath. “Fine.” Inhaling deeply, she blurted out, “I’ve been thinking about what would happen if-if everyone found out about the Great War. About the truth.” Then it hit me like a tidal wave. Of course. Everyone would be at a loss for words, to say the least. It would completely turn Almoria upside down. Riots would break out. Rebellions would strike. The demons would want revenge for the decades of unjust. Buildings would be vandalized and cars, torched. It wouldn’t be safe to even step out of our homes. The city would be reduced to utter chaos. No wonder Astra was so...so devastated. This was her home. No, this was our home. And we would defend it with all we had.  

I tried to sound soothing. “Don’t worry,” I spoke calmly. Internally, I was a wreck, but I couldn’t let that show. “It’s all going to be okay. Everything will be fine. Almoria will still remain the city it is. It’s going to take much more than a myth or two to destroy our city.” I put on a grin, even though I was trying to convince myself just as much as I was trying to calm Astra. I swallowed hard, and pushed the knot of worry downwards, where I wouldn’t have to worry about it. For now, at least.

Astra looked up once again. This time, though, her indigo eyes (yes, a unique colour, I know.) shone not with tears, but with a new spark of hope. “Really?” She sniffed. “You-you think so?”

Looking at those eyes, I thought of Endra. I thought of her current predicament, and our vow to her. This time, though, I had made a decision. We had sworn to fix this mess, and I wouldn’t stop at anything if it meant we could save our home.

“I know so.”

Wiping the last of her tears away, Astra stood straight, a new, much more confident energy radiating from her. “Then what are we waiting for? We have a final spirit to fight. Come on!”

For the next few hours, we walked on, carefully teetering on the rope. Now, it was even more dangerous, the thin wire hanging over ice-capped mountains. Beautiful view, but probably not where I wanted to die. Laila still led the way, but gradually slowed down, eventually standing still. By now, we were all sweating buckets. “We need a break,” Laila declared, panting.

“Couldn’t agree more,” Astra puffed from behind me, her head tilted down at the valleys as if she saw something I didn’t. I merely raised an extremely floppy thumb, too tired to even speak. Without bothering to explain WHY she would take away the rope and leave us to fall from the sky, the guardian angel snapped her fingers, and the rope poofed, leaving us with about half a second to react before gravity took over. (Stupid gravity.)  

 Bad news- I wasn’t very fast to react, and spent three seconds screaming my head off as I fell through the sky, bursting through clouds and forming large Aithne-shaped holes in them. (“Shush, Aithne!” Laila yelled.) Thankfully, a voice in my head chose that perfect time to scream at me, “YOU HAVE WINGS FOR A REASON, DUMBASS!!!!!” That caught my attention. I furiously flapped my wings, slowing my fall and preventing me from being flattened into a (completely unappetizing) pancake. A few more beats, and I touched onto solid, grassy land for the first time in five hours.  

I instantly collapsed onto the soft vegetation, folding my wings up and tucking them into a sort of bowl below me. (Extremely comfortable and safe. Try it at home, kids! Oh wait – you don’t have wings. Never mind.) Astra and Laila followed, dropping onto the ground. Tiredly, I pulled out three granola bags from my rucksack. Having handed them out, I unwrapped mine, taking a bite out of the heavenly-tasting grain.  

Next to me, Laila downed hers in two bites, while Astra nibbled on hers, still staring off into space. Finishing up the bar, I popped the last bite into my mouth, crumpling up the wrapper. (At least there wasn’t a Mdm. Danton here to scold me for it. Hah, take that, old hag.) I pulled my knees towards me and stared at the snowy peaks and lush vegetation, deciding to enjoy the view while it lasted.

God, only five hours to nightfall. Time really was against us.

After about ten minutes, I dusted my hands, pulling myself into a standing position. The other two followed, Astra clapping her hands. In a flash of light, the rope appeared yet again. We flew back up, took our positions and continued our journey, walking on in silence. I supposed we all had the same thoughts-the same worries bubbling and brewing in the deepest pits of our despair. But no, we were so close to saving Almoria. Just one more fight, I told myself. Only the final battle is left. You can do it.

Around one hours later, the fluffy white clouds began to grow thicker and more clustered. “We’re close,” Astra deduced. “The altocumulus is turning into stratocumulus.” I stared at her blankly, not understanding a word of what she had just said.

“Uh... in English, please?”

Astra rolled her eyes. “The clouds here are growing thicker.”

”Oh.”  

Watching the clouds get darker, Laila shuddered, “Looks like somewhere Satan would love to be.” She quickly realized her mistake. Almost immediately whipping her head towards me, she sheepishly apologized, “S-sorry. Didn’t mean it that way.”  

“It’s fine.” I nodded. At least she didn’t say that on purpose.

We closed in, the rope steeply curving downwards. Astra clapped once more, and the rope disappeared with a flourish, leaving us to fly down on our own.

We touched down on warm land, folding our wings up. This place looked like nothing we had seen before. Hard-black dirt lay in mounds, occasionally pulsating from some sort of seismic force. The dry, empty fields were punctuated with occasional craters that looked like ponds, only these weren’t filled with ordinary water. In fact, they weren’t even filled with water. They were filled to the brim with...lava. Hot, bright orange magma that would scald us terribly, and make us the perfect flambéed treats for any hungry monster lurking around.

And the HEAT.  

Astra rolled up the sleeves of her uniform. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have worn this...” she glared at the uniform.

Laila shuddered. “Wow. This is actually scary.”

Then, just as I thought it couldn’t get worse, it got worse. Because obviously.

A flash of bright, unearthly red light drew our attention to the center of the fields. A man stepped out of the light. I squinted, almost stepping forward to get a closer look, but Astra held me back with one hand.

“Don’t!” she warned. “This could be a trap!”

The man stepped forward. “How smart, my dear.” He smiled, revealing razor-sharp fangs. His dragon’s wings flapped in the air, a red similar to mine. I looked him up and down. Those immaculately polished boots...that scarlet vest...those deep crimson horns...that ebony hair...wait a minute. It couldn’t be. Was it...

“Father?”  

“Oh, well done, sweet girl, you’ve recognized me.” his lips curled into a devilish sneer, his glassy eyes staring right into mine. (Oh, I get it, devilish, ha ha. Very funny, brain.)

I backed away, narrowing my eyes at him. “How could you do this?” I spread my hands, gesturing towards the wastelands. “This isn’t you!”

He snapped his fingers, and a dusky rope wound itself around the three of us, tying us up and yanking us towards each other before we could react. I was immediately squashed against Astra and Laila. Great. The foul creature hadn’t even given us elbow room.  

He stepped forward. “Let me tell you something, my dear,” he purred, stroking my hair. “It’s been so long, and times have changed. So when a powerful entity came to me and offered me powers beyond my wildest dreams, of course I accepted them, with great joy, as anyone would feel when given more liberties. But of course, there was a catch.

“I had to bring the three of you to my master. Alive, mind you. I don’t know what he plans to do, but it’s probably best you don’t argue with him.” The demon I once called my father shook his head. “He gets very cranky when he doesn’t have his way.”

“You’ll be meeting him soon. But for now, you’ll have to wait a bit. He’s...busy.” The man dragged the last word in deep thought. Then, as if he was denying something, he shook his head and wiggled his fingers in a wave, grinning diabolically. “Toodledoo! Have fun!” With one last glint of his fangs, he was gone, leaving us all alone and with no way out, with nothing to do but watch the sun sink deeper down, turning the sky a pinkish-purple.

I turned to face Astra and Laila, and two terrified pairs of eyes stared back at me. But nothing could match the pure shock pulsating through my mind.  

The man who’d raised me – fed me – told me bedtime stories – had just left us helpless, victims to the last spirit.

Fun indeed.

[fancifulwritings]

The Song Remains The Same

Chapter Two

     It took her a few seconds to recognize that she had fallen to the ground. It hadn’t been a hard collision, at most a light tap. The surprise of it was really what sent her to the ground. Her brain seemed to be working on a delay, yet again. Calypso really hadn’t expected to run into anyone. It wasn’t until she was trying to stand back up that she noticed a hand in front of her.

     The body it was attached to had bent down slightly to help her up. She was more focused on wiping the gravel off her hands than looking at the man. It took her a few more seconds to process the apology offered to her. She didn’t know what he said explicitly, but she understood enough. There was something familiar about the voice.

She took the hand and used it to pull herself up. Finally, back on her feet, she looked up at who had walked into her. It took two people to walk into each other. Just as this man had apologized, she planned to do the same. It was the polite thing. She should have been watching where she was going.

     She froze in her tracks when she looked at the face in front of her. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. No, it couldn’t be. It would be impossible. She didn’t have that kind of good luck, let alone that much.

There was no one else, though, that could match the image in front of her. She’d been staring at him for hours. The long, blonde curly hair. The frame much taller than her. Perhaps it was just an illusion. Her brain just playing a cruel trick. That fall felt much too real for it to be just imagined, though.

     “I didn’t even see you there, love, my apologies, sincerely.” Robert fucking Plant said to her. It had to be him. If his look weren’t iconic enough, she knew that voice. No wonder it had sounded familiar! She had just finished listening to it for a couple hours straight. Her eyes widened as it all connected. A soft chuckle left his lips while he looked her up and down.

     There was a certain knowing look in his eyes. Robert had seen the look of recognition and amazement a thousand times over. At least, she could only imagine that he had. Being a star like him, she really only could suppose he had. “How’d you enjoy the show darling?” He said, his voice soft. Calypso melted just a little bit. She noticed the faint sounds of footsteps around them. The rest of the world was lost to her, though. Nothing mattered besides Robert. Nothing could draw her away from him.

     “It was, it was amazing.” She stuttered for a second, trying to find her words. The last thing she wanted was to make a fool of herself. She’d never let herself live it down. Her words were just lost to her, brain short-circuiting. The memories of the concert that had ended not even an hour ago were lost as well.

She took a deep breath and he just smiled. There was no sign of impatience in his face. Nothing that could even hint at annoyance. Just a soft look of waiting, to see what else she might say.

     “Just amazing?” He asked a few seconds later. The silence had lasted long enough that he knew something else was on the tip of her tongue. Calypso just couldn’t find it. Or, perhaps she didn’t want to waste his time. Clearly, though, he had been hoping for more. Direct words were never his forte. It only seemed natural that he would want more out of those around him.

     “It was just like a dream I had in high school. I couldn’t have prayed for more and seen it any other way.” Calypso began after another moment. His eyes never left hers. There was something a bit reassuring about that.

“It felt like there was a magic in the air that you could touch. One that was old and strong. Something that only you guys could really awaken from whatever slumber it had taken. Something that couldn’t ever be replicated again if you tried.” She continued. “Not that anything about Zeppelin ever seems replicable. That’s what makes it so special.”

     Robert had always inspired her with the way his words just seemed to spill out of him. It was like a stream of consciousness, one built strongly on mythology and elegant, knowing phrases. There seemed to be no thought to it. It just, was. It was what she envied most about him. Well, perhaps that and his hair.

     “If I could have closed my eyes, I could have easily convinced myself it was a simpler time in the world. That it was the heyday of you and the world spun a little bit slower. Not that I could have closed my eyes. God, I was much too transfixed on you. I’m sure you felt that same power too.” She grinned. Her confidence seemed to be returning to her. How? She wasn’t sure. By all rights, his undivided attention should have reduced her down to a squirming mess. It seemed to be doing the opposite, though.

     In her normal, everyday life, she would never describe herself as confident. She was a bit shy and tried to stay in the background as much as possible. It wasn’t that she didn’t like to talk to people. Back home, she had enough friends to keep her sane.

In her strange fear or coming off as a bumbling fool, her confidence had run away. Robert was naturally the cause of this. It was so fascinating to her that he should be the one that also brought it back. Not only had he returned it, though, but he had somehow made it better than it ever had been.

“I must have done something right in a past life to get a chance to just be here.” She said. To that, Robert just cocked his head. It was the first thing he did besides just nodding along, trying to get more out of her. Of course he would want more now. “I surely thought I had used all my luck to just get here, to this show. Apparently, there was just a tad bit more in store for me.”

“Now, what would you mean by that?” There was a knowing smile on his face. Robert was pushing her to admit what she meant, directly out loud.

“Meeting you, or running into you rather. I couldn’t dream of a better gift, a better end to what already felt so unreal.” She blushed once all the words left her mouth. It was then that she realized all of what she had said.

“I believe it was I that ran into you. A gift typically doesn’t knock one flat on their ass.” Robert said with a kind smile. His hand slipped to the small of her back. That slight touch sent a jolt up her spine. It had just been enough to also break her from Robert’s eyes to see the world around her. The daze and fog in her head finally cleared.

It was then, and only then, that she realized his hand had never left hers. Or perhaps hers had never left his. In this situation, she wasn’t sure who was supposed to let go first. With Robert, he might never have meant to let go. His hand had simply moved from hers to her back, and the other moved to hold her hand again. From the way he had started to look her up and down, she assumed that to be true.

Calypso glanced around and realized a bit more. The footsteps she had heard were their own. There wasn’t a soul around them. If there had been, surely they wouldn’t have just walked by. It wasn’t exactly like he was dressed to fit in. Robert had clearly changed from his stages clothes, but he still looked the same. Anyone that might have walked upon them would have stopped to talk to him. She was incredibly grateful that no such thing had happened.

In front of them was the end of the sidewalk. She assumed that this was where they would part. A dark limo rested just past the sidewalk. Calypso imagined he would disappear into it. Disappear into the limo and out of her life yet again. There was no other way for this to end. It hurt her, just slightly, but was glad she had a brief moment with him. The way he moved closer to her and held his hand on her back suggested something to the other.

“Let me make up for that, knocking you flat out.” Robert said, a certain twinkle in his eyes. “Perhaps even give you the true 1970s experience, bring us both back to the simpler times you speak of. Or whatever else this magic may allow for.” There was a knowing tone in his voice. He knew that she wasn’t alive for those times. That she was just going off what she had been told.

A surprised look painted her face for just a brief second. Robert was inviting her back. That wasn’t the biggest surprise, though. He wanted to relive some part of his past. Everything she knew about him said he was always one that wanted to move forward. For him to now suggest he may want to the other? She was shocked.

A large grin grew on both of their faces after a second. Robert’s eyes now seemed a bit darker, a little more devious. There was a different look to his face. One that hinted at other intentions than just helping and apologizing to a woman he had simply walked into.

The look on her face transformed from surprise to pure joy. Any chance to spend more time with him was a chance she would take. It would be foolish to think she would be anything special. That hardly even crossed her mind. If she got to be like any of the other girls he had shared his time with, she would be completely ecstatic. Only a fool would deny the offer being handed to her.

“Yes,” she said. Her mind hadn’t truly processed what she said. Not that she would ever regret it. Only a flat denial of his offer would bring regret to her later in life.

It crossed her mind that perhaps even Robert hadn’t fully understood what he said before he it left his lips. His eyes widened a little bit, perhaps in shock. That didn’t seem to matter, though. Whatever he wanted, whatever he had meant or would mean, she would take it.

He opened the limo door with a much larger grin. It seemed to grow every second. “Nothing would please me more, and perhaps please you, than to count you as my date.” He motioned for her to step inside the limo and she did. Anything he said, anything he wanted, she would give him. Part of her expected it to be filled with people.

When she looked around and noticed that it would be just her and him, a shiver was sent up her spin. He sat before her, grinning. “We just have to stop and see everyone else before…” He trailed off with a motion of his hands. “Perhaps have a bite to eat. I believe we both have a long night ahead of us, darling.” He once again motioned his hand, this time for her to join him on the seat. Whatever lay ahead of her, Calypso firmly decided she was ready for.

[inkedanchors]

Echoing Sadness

As the rain glides down the window pane to my left, I try to decipher the shadows on the wall. Maybe each rain drop casts a different one as it blocks the dim sunlight from reaching me. It could be the clouds passing by, slowly, as they release their sadness. Or is my mind playing tricks on me? I look up from my laptop and my eyes dart across the room. Am I casting the shadows? Perhaps they’re simply the taunting thoughts of negativity, dancing around the room the same way they do in my mind. Crawling across every wall and seeping their doubt into every bright corner of my life-not that there are many to begin with. I stare at this bright page while I’m typing and the room seems darker after a while. It’s gradual, almost as if it’s closing in on me. I look up, and my eyes readjust; reminding me my perception is not my reality. I must be too focused. Maybe I’m just thinking too hard. Could it be that once I am distracted from the pain, that’s when the shadows make their move? I glance at the window and watch the rain again. Why does sadness seem so peaceful on the outside? Or is it from the inside? There isn’t thunder or lightning. It’s just cloudy. It’s calm. Every drop that trickles down my window was once a sad thought that couldn’t escape. You’re free now, I shed that tear. I remember. Move on to bigger things; find a flower to feed into. Help them bloom.

Sigh.

I seem to forget that those tears were bitter…not the ideal refreshment for anything at all to bloom. I look back down at the keyboard. I need to say something. Anything. But the cursor just blinks back at me, pulsating rhythmically like a mocking reminder that, once again, I have nothing to give. Maybe if I stare harder, words will appear and I’ll know what to say from there. But the harder I stare, the darker it gets. My room feels heavy. Is that normal? It’s as if I’m sitting in a tunnel that’s blocked in from one side and there’s only one way left to escape. And at any second, it could cave in from every burden, doubt, regret, and pessimistic opinion that I’ve collected. Imagine if you could put a number to the weight that brings. Welcome, darkness. I thought I’d lost you.

 My battery is dying. My screen dims down to warn me. The only light now, is from my window. Only the left side of me is illuminated. I can see my reflection in the laptop screen now that the brightness has been significantly reduced. My silhouette is partial. Hmm, fitting. I don’t feel very whole. What’s odd is that only my left side can be seen, and that side of the brain is the logical, organized side that processes science and mathematics. I wonder when the creative side will come back. I haven’t viewed my life in color in quite some time. It seems my spectrum has become very limited. Is it weak to be this impressionable? To crumble beneath every insult, or latch onto the disappointment of a failed task? It will never be good enough. I…will never be good enough. I think that a lot; that I’m insufficient. But I’m starting to believe that the only standard it applies to is the one I have for myself. People out there love me. I know you do. I know she does, and I know he does. I have wonderful parents who consistently support me and show me the most unconditional love I could ever ask for. But does it help when they’re in another country? When I can’t reach them? When I can’t feel those hugs that once warmed my cold body and forced me to remember it isn’t alone? Skype can only give so much through the pixels and broken internet connections. I want to feel someone. I want to feel something. I can feel myself draining. My personality has diminished itself so much. Be as bland as possible and you won’t have to entertain too many conversations. Stop. This isn’t you, Jess. You have to stop. But for who? For me? It couldn’t possibly be for me because I couldn’t care less where this body ends up. This mind has done its fair share of spiraling and my heart has been scarred one too many times. At what point is loving yourself not enough anymore? Is it when you have no love left to give or is it when you don’t see a point in giving it up?

My world is dark. It’s cold and wet. The ground outside sinks with every step I take, the same way my heart does. At this point I would bet a surgeon that it’s in my gut, not in my chest where it belongs. If I suck in my stomach hard enough, it almost feels like my heart lifts a little. Why is it so heavy? Perception is not reality. It’s all in my head, right? Right. Heart, you are light and filled with an abundance of happiness. I squint my eyes shut. Wish harder. Okay, heart. I know you can hear me. I know you’re down there thinking you can sink as low as you want. But hear me out, if you lift yourself up you’ll have a better view. Maybe a more positive outlook on life than my last meal, right? When was that…noon? Wow I haven’t eaten in 15 hours. Who am I kidding anyways, the view is always the same. I’m trapped here within the walls of this place, and worse, within the walls of my mind. It gets smaller every day. I used to think I was the one changing, that I was getting bigger. And that eventually, I was going to break out and feel the freedom brush against my skin. But, I see the truth now. The only way out is to go deeper. I have to listen to the whispers. I have to acknowledge that doubt, those insecurities, and locate them in order to confront them. Ugh, can’t I do it tomorrow? This happens every single time. Procrastination wins the debate between want and need. I need this to be over, but I don’t want to do it right now. I’ll just take a nap. I’ll just give in and do it later. I’ll just convince myself that it was my idea anyways and then maybe I won’t feel so defenseless.

I’ll just��.I’ll…

  Leave myself hanging again, like I always do.

[wavemaker9]

I don’t know when i accidentally tricked myself into being so toni/arthur but also i was thinking about the one dw xover with kyle and ivan as amy and rory and then arthur as the doctor and was trying to figure out a good river and i don’t know if it’s an exact perfect fit but toni as river wouldn’t be /bad/. Mainly hard to imagine toni idolizing someone like arthur the way river does the doctor, especially doubting that arthur genuinely loved him because of how important arthur is to the universe + him having other relays over the years of travelling as well. ‘you can’t expect the sunset to admire you back’ matches less with toni’s style, though i will say it’s not IMPOSSIBLE by any means. A, Toni’s self-esteem not being quite so high as normal in this AU because of the same situation of river as being raised as this weapon and then trying to flip his morals wildly and suddenly while also serving a long sentence for murdering arthur. It’s easy to see how that can unintentionally add a ‘i’m not a good person’ factor onto one’s mindset. Also just not just self-esteem for doubt source, but it’d also make sense for toni to doubt because hey he /did/ almost kill arthur that one time. Twice really if we’re thinking about it. Arthur seemed to have not been upset about either time but also yknow. His classic tagline is that he lies, so. Like in GTA AU distrust because of potential hostility is what causes Toni to emotionally distance most relationships so that’d track. Also in defense of the choice, Arthur already isn’t a /perfect/ fit for 11 either given how energetic and playful 11 is, so it’s like whatever. We adjust it’s fine

Anyway, other factors I remembered during work that are very good here:

Toni just being raised his whole life to kill Arthur since he was a baby. Good fucking get him, my boy. Toni just being sly and looser morals in general.

Arthur telling a room full of bad guy aliens that Toni can at least kill 3 of them before X or whatever. Toni corrects, no he could kill 7 of them. Arthur, ‘Seven? Really?’ Toni, ‘For you, Eight.’ Arthur teasing for him to stop it and Toni coming right back for Arthur to make him which immediately gets a countered “well maybe I will” before they have to remember to focus, they’re here to save kyle.

This whole exchange: Arthur: Are you married, Antonio? Toni: Are you asking? Arthur: Yes. Toni: Yes. Arthur: ...No, hang on. Did you think I was asking you to marry me, or asking if you were married? Toni: Yes. Arthur: No, but was that yes, or yes? Toni: /Yes~./

Toni coming back from dealing with a Dalek he thought killed Arthur Kyle: What happened to the Dalek? Toni, coldly: It died.

Not sure if this still applies since can’t have the direct pregnancy plot thing between kyle and ivan, but also. I’m upset at how cursed yet believable the concept “toni as kyle and ivan’s kid” is. We already joke about toni and ivan being a lot alike but take that + kyle’s darker hair/skin, charming personality, and also the spanish factor i added to kyle via summer and it’s like. Upsetting how much that tracks. It’s not even that important because river’s like at least 2 regenerations away from the ‘rory and amy’s baby’ appearance she would have had, but yknow.

Toni just shooting off all the hats Arthur gets because toni’s an asshole sometimes and loves fucking with arthur even if he also loves him

Toni holding kyle back from running to arthur’s side when he’s shot but ALSO unloading his entire gun at the person who shot arthur. Get you a man who can do both.

This bit fits better than the rustralia version of doc/river let’s be honest: Arthur: I’m being extremely clever up here, and there’s no one to stand around looking impressed! What’s the point in having you all? Toni: (teasingly to Kyle and Ivan) Couldn’t you just slap him sometimes?

Toni trying to convince Arthur to do something based on trust and Arthur coming back to grill toni on a bunch of vague mysteries about him. Admits he loves a bad boy, sure, but /trust Toni/? /Seriously/?

The back and forth “oh i hate him/you” from toni and arthur “no you don’t” + Arthur saying toni has a ‘he’s hot when he’s clever’ face. Toni countering this is his normal face??? Arthur ‘yes, it is’ and toni just laughing and telling arthur to be quiet

Toni pulling Arthur into a kiss and Arthur immediately !!! surprised about it because from his perspective, have not done that before so surprising! Good, but surprising!

God just the back and forth flirting + out thinking each other as early toni tries very hard to kill arthur with arthur stopping him at every turn. Toni: Is killing you going to take all day? Arthur: Why, are you busy? Toni: Oh, I’m not complaining.

TONI SLOWLY DE-AGING TO FREAK PEOPLE OUT. not quite as good as the version where it’s ivan + kyle and then the mels version is just sergey but yknow. 

Toni being jealous of himself without realizing it is just very good. Him just growing more bitterly upset about Arthur being so in love with this other person until it’s finally revealed ohhhhhh /i’m/ the other person. It was me all along, whoops! And finally, at Kyle and Ivan’s prompting, helping to save Arthur’s life at that point.

Arthur: We’ve got 10 minutes. Get dressed. Toni: That’s so close to the perfect sentence.

Toni being told by Arthur to get his wrist free from a Weeping Angel’s grip without breaking it to prove that time can be re-written and that Kyle can be saved from whatever bad thing is expected to happen to him in the future. Toni eventually coming out from where he’d been held, shrugging off that he did it, no need to ask how, Arthur asked so he did. (Arthur “[He]’s good, yeah? Have you noticed? Really, really good.”) Until Arthur goes to grab Toni’s wrist to lead him off to their next destination and Toni reacts in pain, revealing he did have to break his wrist, but didn’t want to let Arthur know because he knew it’d only upset him.

Arthur sitting Toni down to ask why he lied and Toni explaining that idea, Arthur doesn’t like to dwell on the pain and the sorrow, to let it show that it affects him. And so, because Toni loves Arthur, he hid the damage to make that easier for Arthur.

Arthur trying to talk Kyle into staying with him instead of letting the Angel take him to where Ivan was taken to. Toni doing the more responsible thing (technically???) and reassuring kyle that he should go be with ivan. Never pass on a chance to get rid of Kyle, even in an AU where you’re family, huh toni?

Though also just. Arthur realizing later that he didn’t even consider how upset Toni must feel because this is also him losing his parents, but Toni doing like before and hiding the damage to reduce the pain arthur has to address.

Toni admitting to being a terrible influence on Arthur, that’s valid. They really should not be allowed to travel together long term, the most responsible choice toni’s made.

Arthur not talking to Toni after Toni’s death because. Yknow. That’d be arthur addressing an emotionally upsetting thing and he just simply will not do that.

Arthur revealing that he could see Toni as the ghost hologram before, but didn’t want to talk to him because he thought it would hurt him too much. Toni offering he thinks he could have dealt with the pain just to talk to Arthur again, but Arthur countering he meant it would hurt /himself/ too much. And he was right.

Technically it shouldn’t be arthur for the ep with 12 but yknow. Fuck it i don’t care, still gonna refer to arthur even if it’d be a different face

Toni calling some other guy as an act “the only husband [he]’ll ever have” and arthur just rolling his eyes SO hard.

Little bits:

Toni /basically/ married this guy’s diamond instead of him.

Arthur: You’re talking about murdering someone! Toni: No, I’m /actually/ murdering someone.

Toni: I’ll kill the lights, you kill the patient.

Arthur “I haven’t laughed in a long time” awh

Arthur “Stop holding my hand, people don’t do that to me!”

Arthur’s frown being audible

Arthur and Toni fighting each other’s attempts to stay behind to try and save a crashing ship before finally just insisting they won’t let the other stay because there’s nothing on that ship that’s worth more than the other person’s life.

[rebelcourtesan]

KH4 Wishlist (SPOILERS)

Finished Kingdom Hearts 3 and I have to say its a stellar game.  Definitely the gave we’ve been waiting for years to arrive.  And I’m looking forward to the second installation, though I do have a wishlist.

Below are spoilers for Kingdom Hearts 3.  Do NOT read any further if you haven’t finished the game and/or don’t want to be spoiled.  

THERE BE SPOILERS BELOW!!!!

1.  A Smaller Cast of Characters (excluding World/Disney characters)

    Don’t get me wrong.  I love the characters of Kingdom Hearts, but the problem is that it became congested with too many characters with their own stories and plots.  Some characters are actually extensions of other characters.  Roxas/Ventus/Sora and then there’s Naimine/Kairi.  Not mention Riku/Replica Riku/Darkness Riku and Xehanort/Ansem/Xemnas/Young Xehanort and so on.  You see where it can get confusing.

The cast needs to be reduced by about 75 percent so we have a more simple story that’s not convoluted web of plots and backgrounds.  The best solution to this is to let these ‘cut’ characters retire to their happy endings or be reduced to background or minor characters.  Let Lea/Axel, Xion, and Roxas live happily together in Twilight Town with Haynar and the gang.  Have Ansem and the redeemed members of the Organization do research on Radiant Garden.  Pick a core cast and expand that cast’s backgrounds and slowly introduce new characters. 

 2. New Protagonist

    I might get flamed for this, but bear with me.  I like Sora as much as anyone, but while playing KH 3, his personality grated on me.  I understand he’s the protagonist with the heart of gold and boyish charm, but watching him interact with the other Disney characters was like eating spoonfuls of sugar and washing it down with syrup.  I understand that his ability to make friends with whomever he meets is a special ability that makes him stand out in Kingdom Hearts, but it gets annoying after a while to constantly hear him introducing himself and his companions over and over and over and over and over again and again and again!    

Don’t get me wrong, there were good moments such as when he, Donald, and Goofy jumped on Davy Jones for stabbing will Turner and when he was upset at the idea of losing his friends showed a rare depth of character for him.  .  

But for too long Sora has been like this KH savior with no flaws save for not being as bright as others.  His personality has changed very little since his first introduction way back in the first KH.  In fact, he was more interesting in KH1 because he had self doubts about his capabilities which he overcame to confront Riku and regaining the Keyblade.  

I feel that Kingdom Hearts series is in dire need of a soft reboot, and the best way to do that is to replace Sora as a protagonist.  He’s had a good long run across six games and 17 years, but now it’s time to pass on the torch to another. 

3. Aqua as the Next Protagonist

 I adore Aqua.  She’s a mature, beautiful, talented, brave, and loyal female character in Kingdom Hearts.  My favorite play through of BBS is playing through her storyline and I wish there was more worlds for her to explore.  I enjoyed the scene when she insisted on trying on the glass slipper in Cinderalla’s world to buy time for Jaq to free Cinderella.  When she went to Olympus Coliseum she was flirted with by both Zack and Phil.  

The interactions with other World characters would be far more interesting when the protagonist is a capable young woman and not a ragamuffin boy who gets slotted as the new kid and friends.  

What Aqua has that Sora doesn’t, is that she has more of an edge in her backstory.  She spent ten frickin’ years in the Realm of Darkness!  That has got to carry some scars for our blue haired warrior maiden and it could have even corrupted her.  The experience could have given her PTSD, (GASP!  A female character with PTSD that isn’t the result of sexual assualt?).  She could go on a journey to other worlds to find a way to remove the corruption or to find Sora who has disappeared at the end of Kingdom Hearts 3.   

By extension, Aqua need not go it alone . . .

4. A New All Female Trio

Again, assuming they go with Aqua (or a female protagonist), instead of iconic Disney characters like Goofy and Donald accompanying the lead, let’s have female characters go on the journey instead.  Of course, your first thought would be Minnie and Daisy, but they wouldn’t be well suited as Aqua’s companions.  

For starters, both characters are female version on their love interests.  Hell, they were originally created so Donald and Mickey could have girlfriends.  Besides, both of them are rooted in the Disneyland world with their respected paramours.  The more suitable companions would be Disney women who don’t have love interests tying them down and would make for excellent comrades in battle.

Merida from Brave could offer range attacks and support.  She has a bold spirit with an impetuous nature that could offset the other women and sometimes get them into trouble.  I can see her hopping on a Gummi ship just for the adventure of traveling to other worlds.  

Elsa would be the ‘mage’ of the group with Ice magic.  She would bring diplomacy and calm that could clash with Merida’s fiery personality.  You’d have to convince her to leave Arendelle behind for advantage, since she’s the first Disney Queen who isn’t the mother of a princess nor evil.  

We need more positive female friendships for young girls to emulate.  Setting aside Disney characters, the bromance in Kingdom Hearts has been done to death with Riku/Sora, Riku/Mickey, Sora/Donald/Goofy, and many many others.  Very rarely so we see the female characters together in the same room and hold a positive conversation with each other.  Yes, we know, guys can be the best of friends to each other and girls, but how about we see girls being besties with each other.

5. Maturer Storylines that aren’t so Heart centric       

That being said, let me explain.  As I mentioned before, watching Sora interact with Disney characters has been like eating raw sugar.  It’s sweet, but sometimes it was terribly too sweet.  

When I say mature, I don’t mean Adult Situation, Sexual Content, or Gore and Violence.  I mean a story that deals with darker themes than just the power of friendship.  Just as dealing with loss, betrayal, self-doubt, trauma, and conflicted feelings.  

Aqua could go from world to world to experience an array of emotional problems and come from it a stronger woman, mentally and emotionally, with the support of her companions.  It would give her the strength to overcome her past traumas from her time in the Realm of Darkness.  

We keep getting hit over the head  about Hearts connecting people, which is a powerful message, but good grief, it gets old after a while.  I get it, it’s in the title Kingdom Hearts, but can’t we focus on something other Hearts?  Connection between people is important, but there are other connections other than friendships.  Brotherly or sisterly love, parent/child, rivals, enemies, lovers, comrades, coworkers, etc.   

6. Let the Protagonist have more Influence in the Worlds

In Kingdom Hearts 3, the worlds I enjoyed most were the ones that didn’t follow the central plot in their respective films.  These are all popular movies most people have already seen prior to playing the game and I found myself becoming a little bored when I see the same scenes replay themselves in the game.  

On a side note, I really appreciate the care and detail that Square Enix put into recreating these iconic scenes.  I REALLY REALLY DO!!!  Especially with Pirates of the Carribean.  But I wanted to see more interaction between Sora, Donald, and Goofy and not have them be observers to the story.  In some worlds, they were outsiders looking in, especially in the Frozen world or tag alongs as they were in Tangle and Pirates.  

The best worlds were Monster Inc, Big Hero Six, and Toy Story which didn’t follow the movie plots, but had their own stories for the game.  Sora and gang has better interaction with these groups of characters.  Buzz was suspicious of them, they were practically adopted by the Big Hero Six, and helped Sully and Mike protect Boo and save the company. 

Best moments for me was when Sully and Mike threw Vanitas through the doors and Jack Sparrow’s bad breath sent Luxford overboard.  

  6. World Wishlist

Assuming that I get my dream team of Aqua/Merida/Elsa, these are the worlds I would love for them to explore.

Tron Uprising - it’s still considered canon, though it lasted one season.  I can see Aqua wearing blue circuits, Merida green, and Elsa with yellow. 

Zootopia -  A world with a transformation magic. Aqua is a blue bird, Merida a bear, and Elsa as a snow leopard.  

Star Wars - Team up with Ahsoka Tano to take down Separatist droids and/or Sith. 

Marvel Universe - Meeting the Avengers

Gravity Falls - I can see the DreamTeam aiding the twins in an investigation of a new mystery of the town.

Wreck -It - Ralph - Let’s have video game characters meet iconic video game characters.  

DuckTales (2017 Reboot) - Aqua has already met Scrooge McDuck, I can see him enlisting her to help in a quest.

Mulan - Always a plus to see strong women teaming up with others.  

Gummi Bears - This old gem deserves some love.

Last - Let this Journey be more about Self-Growth

Heroes save worlds and people, but the hero’s journey is about discovering what one is capable of.  Discovering and drawing lines, overcoming challenges and fears, and finding inner strength.  

Let’s see a protagonist learn a lesson from each world she visits and take that lesson into her core and reaches the end of her journey as a stronger person.  Let this journey be one of self-discovery and not just to oppose a growing threat, though it would be alright if there was one lingering in the background.

Aqua’s journey could be to conquer her own darkness, much like Riku had in his own journey.

That’s all I have for this wishlist.  Or maybe I just outlined a Kingdom Hearts fanfic.  *shrugs*   

[handmadecp]

Leather Camping stool.

This weeks project is a three leg small camping stool. Some one sent me a picture of one they saw on holiday and I said..gotta have one..ya know..like you do lol. So..here’s how I made mine..which I might add..is super comfortable.

Pic 1: I remembered I had an old camping stool in my shed..you know those nylon and cheap stitching ones that fall apart after a few uses, I’m glad i didn’t throw it away as it came in handy as a Template. I used it to mark out a shape on the leather for the seat as shown and to get the sizes for the leather pieces that would become the leg ‘pockets’. As seen here the leather was cut and then ..as is quite usual these days i figured what a waste of leather just to cut it and leave it bare..so I found some designs in my book and cobbled something together that I think suits nicely. I did the usual tracing the design then transferring it to the leather using a metal ball point stylus.

Pic 2 : I was told in my early days that I shouldn’t use Tracing paper as it gets wet from the wet leather and will tear....well I’ve never had a problem with it and it’s very cheap..just don’t press too hard and don’t use a normal pen or pencil as that is asking for trouble if it should tear. seen here the pattern is taped down to prevent it moving around whilst i transfer it. I use decorators paper tape it doesn’t stick as much so won’t harm the leather...it works for me..but do what feels right to you.

Pic 3 : You can see here the outline transferred onto the leather..I didn’t have to press hard at all so no issue with the tracing paper.

Pic 4 : I used my new arthritic finger friendly swivel knife from Tandy to carve the picture ready for tooling. (No it’s not called that lol..but the fatter grip helps reduce the cramping in my fingers. )

Pic 5 : I used the dividers first to mark the line and pushed a bit harder on the second pass to have a slight groove already which I found helps to guide the actual ‘Groover’ seen here and keeps it from slipping quite so much.

Pic 6 : Using the dividers I marked the second line for the next stitch groove, I’ve since learned that it’s best to sand your edge smooth all round first because later when I did it I ended up getting a bit close to the stitch groove..so lesson learned there..but it worked out ok.

Pic 7 : Then I used the edger to round things off a bit on the edges..always very satisfying doing this bit..don’t know why..just try it yourself and you’ll see what I mean lol.

Pic 8: Ok, so stitch grooves are done which created a nice border line which just screamed out for a border stamp so I used one of my favorites as shown here and with the extra thick leather it came out lovely and deep and crisp with a nice dark out line thanks to wetting the leather first. You can see on the back of the leather I have again used the paper tape to help avoid too much ‘stretching’ of the leather whilst Hammering on it with stamps and tools etc.

Pic 9 : close up of the stamp used.

Pic 10 : The finished border stamp.

Pic 11 : The bevellers I used to do the outline tooling. I did add more to the design towards the end as will be seen later.

Pic 12 : The added design adds something more to the overall ..I think. and the stippled back grounder has done a great job. All done using just the basic tooling kit you can find online. I usually like to make a deep carve with lots of flower petal lifting etc..just my own choice and taste..but with this being a seat I didn’t see the point as it would only be flattened by all the bums sitting on it .

Pic 13 : I then used the Time Bond glue by Evo-Stick to initially attach the leg pockets, I used this instead of 528 because I figured I might need to peel off and try again if my lining up didn’t go well...it went ok. I only realised after gluing these that I could really do with adding some extra leather for strength inside the pockets  because when sat on the legs will want to push through the tip ends of the seat..so, what did I do to get around this ??..read on.

Pic 14 : Ta daaa..well ok..not a major fix but does the job..next time I’ll attach these before I glue the pockets on. I cut these to fit and glued them inside the pockets..does the job and looks ok.

Pic 15 : used the edger again to round the edges off a bit more.

Pic 16 : Next comes the stitch holes, I used a 4mm gap Craft Tool stitch punch as shown here rather than the stitch awl as there were a lot of stitches on this one.

Pic 17 : I used the Saddle stitch with a slight slope for effect on this one, ohhh my god it took for ever..if ever there was a case for spending on an Industrial sowing machine..this is it, sore hands cut fingers..but also..a great sense of achievement once finished. the Dark Brown waxed thread I used looks great against the leathers natural color and as it’s sunken inside the stitch groove line I don’t need to worry about it getting ‘worn’ by bums rubbing on it as it’s sat below the level of the seat itself.

Pic 18 : I decided to add one extra touch both as part of the design and also for extra strength.I used Copper Rivets and here you see the tools I used, peen hammer, low cutter snips and the proper rivet tool to help fix the rivet caps and to dome the cut end ready for the hammer and the copper rivets themselves. note the thickness and quality of the leather used..this seat should last for many years.

Pic 19 : close up of the copper rivets underneath. Yes..the stitching is a bit wonky underneath..mainly I think because as I hit the stitch hole punch the leather wobbled as it sticks up...more care at this next time should remedy that..another lesson learned to improve my work.

Pic 20 : And finally, I coated the whole thing in Fiebings Leather Sheene to water proof and protect.  It goes on a milky color but dries clear and can be buffed to a really nice shine very easily.

Pic 21 : The finished seat..still drying in this pic hence some of the darker areas, here you can see the design and how well the copper rivets go with it.

Pic 22 : I’m very happy with how this came out, it’s quite an easy project for someone who’s used the tools and has a basic understanding of what’s what so why not give it a go, maybe share your pics with us.

Pic 23 : The finished stool, I’ve attached metal tripod legs to this one temporarily but will be making some wooden legs for it, these will be available on my ETSY shop as soon as they get made..plain leather ones in flesh color or reds blues blacks Tans Browns..what ever I can come up with...if it’s on the shop it’s for sale. I will also be making some with a decorative border and will accept commissions for Hand tooled / Carved Personalised ones such as this one..offering with wooden legs or these solid black metal legs. I can be contacted via the messages on ETSY. Thanks for following my little projects, I hope you’ve enjoyed this build along and maybe it’s convinced you to have a go yourself. feel free to drop me a line I’m always happy to share ideas. I’m not a professional I started myself just 3 years ago this October hence the title of my blog but I am well and truly addicted to it now. many more projects to come this year so watch this space and as always..Stay Crafty.

[awed-frog]

Can I ask something about menstrual cups? I can't really use tampons - getting them in is time consuming and I can feel them which is super uncomfortable (and I know they say you have to push them further but I literally can't) but I was kind of wondering how a menstrual cup compares to that? Can you feel them? How long do you need to practice with them?

Hey there! So, I have no problem answering this question, but please remember this is my experience - not all vaginas are created equal. 

tl;dr answer: menstrual cups don’t compare to tampons in any way because tampons are The Claw of the Devil and cups love you and support you and want to see you happy; no, you can’t feel a menstrual cup, it’s like not wearing one at all; you can learn to how insert it and take it out in half an hour, but it may take you a couple of months to work out the kinks.

(pictured: me when I realized I would never have to use a tampon ever again)

Longer answer under the cut.

As a first thing - if you find you have a lot of trouble putting in a tampon, remember that you could simply be nervous or anxious (that will cause your muscles to clench, and it’s possible you won’t even realize you’re clenching because you have the impression you’re more or less relaxed), but it could also be a problem of vaginal dryness or another health issue, like vaginismus - maybe consider a chat with your ob/gyn doctor?

That said, what you describe is pretty common. I’ve got friends who hate tampons with a vengeance, and I never wore them myself if I could avoid it. Here is how a menstrual cup is different:

1) Tampons are dry. This means they can be uncomfortable to insert, especially during the first and last days of your cycle. Cups, on the other hand, are made of silicone, which means they easily slide against your skin - in theory, you can wear them even when you’re not bleeding at all (apparently some women put them in a few hours before they expect their period to start, and that’s the level of organization and attention to detail we all should aspire to).

 2) Tampons and cups sit in different places inside your body. Have a look:

You see how it works? That darker, bean-shaped thing is your uterus, and the opening between the vagina and the uterus is your cervix - while it’s impossible for a tampon to get inside it, a sharp pressure against the cervix can hurt - a lot. That’s why sometimes you feel a stab of pain when wearing a tampon (and that can be a problem during sexual intercourse as well, by the way, because some guys seem convinced that the whole goal of sex is to put their thing inside your vagina and watch it come out of your mouth or something). But cups, bless them, sit far, far away from your cervix, and that’s another reason why you don’t feel they’re there.

3) Another advantage here is that you need to push tampons back a whole lot for them to be in the right place, and if you’re young, or have small fingers, it’s annoying af. If you want to keep using tampons, those with applicators are probably a good idea, but personally I hated them even more because a) they’re not discreet - for weird women like me who don’t use purses, it feels like you’re walking around with a damn sigar; b) it’s like you’re injecting yourself with something, which you aren’t, but that THERE’S GOING TO BE A NEEDLE UP MY FANNY feeling is not something you need when you’re in the middle of your cycle, and mostly c) they’re so, so wasteful - look at all the paper and plastic you’re literally throwing away. Ugh. 

(I mean, don’t get me wrong, I think every woman should experiment with everything we’ve got available for this stupid problem and find something that suits her, but personally I wish cups had been a thing twenty years ago.)

Anyway - since cups sit much lower, putting them in is much less annoying. I remember those fed up attempts to push a tampon another inch back and wondering if it was the right place at all - well, bye bye to that and fuck you very much, tampons. 

It’s much easier to place cups in the right spot, I promise you.

4) Tampons tend to dry out your vaginal walls, which can be painful, especially when you insert or remove a tampon (think micro-wounds and all that crap). Cups just sit there without bothering anyone because they’re just nice that way.

So these are the reasons why a cup shouldn’t annoy you as much as a tampon. As to how to get used to them, here are a few tips.

A) If you’re a virgin or a teenager, take it easy. Your vagina is probably a bit tighter, and it’s likely you’ll be more nervous and less used to your body. That’s okay. Remember you’re allowed to get familiar with how you look down there - feel free to look at diagrams and experiment, in sexual or non sexual way, to learn what your vagina feels like. Be curious and patient. Also: a cup will slide through your hymen, but, like a tampon, it can also cause the hymen to tear. Now, this is absolutely not a problem, because the hymen is just an annoying flap of skin which means nothing, BUT if you live in a country where it’s dangerous not to be a virgin at your wedding, please - safety first. I wish I didn’t have to say this and that we lived in a better world, but we don’t, so if your family is very traditional or very religious and you know you could be in danger if your hymen tears before your wedding, please discuss this with your mother or a health professional before using tampons or a cup.

B) Pick the right size. As far as I can see, all brands are pretty much the same, but most tend to have two sizes. If you have children or are over forty, you should go with the bigger one.

C) Pick the right time. Learning how to insert a cup can take anywhere from ten minutes to a couple of hours, so the best thing is to have the house to yourself, put on some cheerful or relaxing music and give yourself time to do it properly.

D) Baby steps. Finally, once you’re used to it you’ll be able to insert and remove your cup while sitting on the toilet and to do it very quickly, but I think for your first time it’s easier if you squat in your shower or your bathtub. You can wait till the middle of your cycle if you want, but as I said above, the cup can also be used when you’re not bleeding, so you can also pick a random day and see how it works. Most brands will have a very long stem - don’t cut it just yet. It’s a psychological support that helps you let go of the fear the cup could be lost inside your body (which it won’t, by the way), so just ignore it’s there, hold the cup between your thumb and middle finger, squish it with your index so the opening becomes C-shaped, and gently insert it up your vagina. It may take you a few tries to see where it should sit, especially if you’re used to tampons, but the instructions are very clear, and you can also Google for more tips (if you want privacy, guest mode is the invisible option, not incognito mode). Once it’s in, pinch the base a little bit to make it pop open and then make sure it is actually open by pushing your finger very gently around the body. If it’s still close, you’ll feel the C-shaped crease; pinch again and move it around a bit until it opens (a folded cup won’t adhere to the vaginal walls, which makes it useless). Once it’s in, stand up and move around. If the stem is still there, you should feel it, but not the cup itself. Congrats, you’ve done it! 

To take it out, squat again and push down on the cup with one finger to form a crease, then simply slide it out. After you’ve done it a few times, you’ll learn to take it out without spilling the blood inside, but for now don’t worry about that.

E) That’s it! Once you get how it’s done, you can cut off the stem and start your new life as a Free & Happy Woman. Remember to boil the cup before and after every cycle and to change it regularly - it may need to be changed every two to four hours in case of very heavy bleeding, but to be honest the main problem will be remembering you’re on your period - since you don’t feel the cup at all, it’s more than likely you’ll forget to clean it out, or even to take it out at the end of your period. It’s just that comfortable.

F) Finally, a piece of unsolicited advice: there’s no ‘forever’ when it comes to periods. Your regularity, flow level, mood swings and aches may change from month to month. It’s always a good idea to keep a calendar so you have some idea of when your period is due (also when PMS is likely to hit you) and if you’re experiencing negative symptoms, try changing stuff around before taking medication. There is nothing wrong about painkillers, but pain is often a message from your body, so if you can answer that message instead of silencing it, well, I’d say that’s a good thing. Period cramps and PMS mood swings can often be managed by adjusting your diet (as usual, think more greens and less junk food), drinking some teas (like fennel or ginger) and, counter-intuitively, moving around more. In my experience, drastically reducing your sugar intake also helps a lot. Oh, and in case you’ve never seen it, here’s a funny and no-nonsense video about how our cycle works:

I hope this helped. Getting used to a menstrual cup may take some time - for the first month, I tried to avoid changing in public toilets because I was terrified it would fall inside (ugh) and didn’t exactly know how to clean it (paper works, but if you’ve got a small bathroom and the sink is right next to the toilet, well, that’s really the best way to rinse your cup out), but other than that, I was comfortable from the start. I always hated both pads and tampons, especially in warm weather, so this feeling of being completely free and forgetting you even have a period at all - yeah, that sold it for me. I also found it’s way more pleasant to insert a cup that’s slightly warm, so that could be another way to make it an easier and less stressful experience when you’re just starting out (but don’t make the water too hot - your skin’s sensitive down there!). Here are some more tips for first time users which I find pretty sensible. But also, you know - all of this makes it sound way more difficult than it is. It’s just a matter of relaxing and learning how to squish it an unsquish it - then you’re good to go. Happy bleeding, you magnificent she-beast!

[taeliciousdaelicious]

Dance With Me {2} || zyx

(Photo ctto)

Genre: Fluff (though it might get a little hot—)

Pairing/s: YouxYixing

Description: Yixing was attempting to learn the tango. You just happened to be one of the tango instructors in the dance studio he frequents in. Me attempting to write a mini-series. *dabs*

Parts:  {1, 2, 3, MB & PL}

Word Count: 4, 406

Practicing tango with Yixing had become a daily routine and you unwittingly found yourself looking forward to it. It wasn’t missed by your best friend when she saw you constantly glancing at the wall clock situated at the very back of the room. She was helping you that day with teaching the beginners’ tango class.

“Got a date?” she teased you. You snapped out of your reverie and instantly blushed, looking at her. The reaction was immediate and you couldn’t stop it, especially with your spaced-out state.

Mentally cursing yourself, you avoided her knowing eyes and ignored that irritating smirk as you said as nonchalantly as you could, “No, I’m not going out on a date. I just don’t want to be late to... somewhere.”

“And that somewhere would be Zhang Yixing’s practice room? You’re not fooling anyone by your candidness, Y/N. People are speculating if what happens behind closed doors is really only practicing tango” your best friend said lightly although you knew she was already giving you a warning. You smiled at her gratefully, comforted that she had your back with such a simple gesture. “I’m all for being adventurous, sweetheart, but I’m curious as well. Are you guys really just practicing?”

“Of course, we are! Why would anyone think otherwise?” you asked, bewildered. Did anything nowadays really equate to sexual relations? Couldn’t thing be simply labeled as ‘strictly business’? It amazed you how people could still be narrow-minded even at this modern age when two persons of the opposite sex don’t necessarily have to be attracted to each other to spend time together.

“Well, for one, you always spend your after-work hours in his practice room — and sometimes, in yours — and you don’t come out until late into the night. You guys literally close up the studio with how late you leave” your best friend reasoned out. “Second, the Zhang Yixing always has his eyes on you—“

“In which circle of hell did you pull up that bullshit?” You couldn’t help the words escaping your lips, attracting the attention of your students. Your best friend waved her hand, signaling that they should continue minding her their own businesses. You clamped your mouth shut, slightly embarrassed by your own outburst.

“Well, MIss Oblivious, he does follow your every movement with his eyes whenever you’re in the vicinity. So, even I myself am saying ‘No shit, Sherlock’ to the rumors that’s circulating in the studio. You guys would be the cutest couple, though. Just confess already” she teased you and you just blushed in reply because you still don’t believe what she said.

You were saved from the best-friend-obligation of saying something in reply to her statement when your phone’s timer went off, signaling that your class is done. “Alright, everyone! Make sure to wrap up your presentation by Friday this week, okay? Class dismissed! Don’t leave anything valuable behind and pack up as fast as you could. It’s getting colder nowadays and the night is longer, too.”

Your speed matched those of her students’ as you cleaned up as fast as you could to escape your friend’s inevitable interrogation. Fortunately, you finished up before her while she was double-checking the equipment everyone used earlier.

‘I’ll talk to you later, baby girl! Right now, I have a routine to perfect!” you called over your shoulder as you made your way out of the room.

“Make sure that’s really a dance routine you’re perfecting, no some other stuff. Lock the door and seal it tight if you’re planning on doing something crazy! And don’t forget protection. No glove, no love!” she retorted cheekily. You blushed profusely at her words, refusing to meet the eyes of the people milling around the hallways who probably heard your exchange. You sped your way through the halls until you reached Yixing’s practice room.

Immediately, you felt the familiar rush of anticipation that you’ve learned to convince yourself was from dancing tango with someone skilled and confident with their talent. It surely wasn’t because of the Chinese man you’ve grown rather fond of over the past few days, right?

Wordlessly, you simply twisted the knob and pushed the door open. You’ve made an agreement after the first practice to just come inside whichever practice room you agreed on using for your sessions. It helped add to the illusion of closeness as Yixing was a little uncomfortable and shy at first with how intimate tango could be. Heck, he couldn’t even properly look you in the eyes when you had simply placed his hand on your hip and locked your leg around his waist in frustration when you said that he had to lead the routine as a man since it was what made tango to look so sultry and powerful.

And so, you were making your way in as usual and it took you a few seconds to realize that a thumping bass was echoing inside the room. Your mind then jolted to life afterwards, recognizing the music as hiphop. You quietly inched inside, eyes locked on the masterpiece in front of you.

Yixing, in his element, was truly a sight to behold. Your jaw slackened, unable to help yourself as he delivered sharp and precise moves while matching the beat. You could barely register the presence of two other dancers beside him until they came in your line of sight. You observed them, both appreciating their skills as dancers and evaluating their performance as a colleague.

“How was it, Miss Y/N?” You were snapped out of your reverie when Yixing said your name out loud. Your eyes flew towards him and you finally realized that they had finished dancing. Clearing your throat awkwardly, you smiled up at them.

“It was good...” you said, addressing Yixing. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at you.

“But?” he prodded on. A corner of your lips twitched upwards. This had been something that the two of you just naturally slip into whenever you practice something other than your routine. You would give constructive criticisms to each other to help improve your dances and it was useful every time.

“It lacked power. Details are good but you have to pay attention to the mood, too. What do you want your viewers to feel? Keep that in mind while dancing. And you need to work on your footwork” you said to one of the two dancers with Yixing. You briefly recalled his name as Sehun who also taught here, although part-time since he has his own crew. He simply raised an eyebrow at you and you tried not to let your expressionless face crack because damn, he was giving you a run for your money for possibly having the bitchiest resting bitch face there ever was.

Yixing nodded out of the corner of your eye and you turned towards him again as he said, “Thanks for that, Miss Y/N. Oh, by the way, this is Sehun–” he pointed at the guy you gave your feedback to about his footwork– “and this is Jongin.” Your eyes were drawn to the tanned, muscular man next to Yixing’s lean frame. Like any other hot-blooded female, of course, you blushed when his dark eyes met yours. However, it was just a reflex on your part since it wasn’t everyday you met someone so ruggedly handsome. You missed the way Yixing slowly blinked at your reaction.

You simply nodded at them before your eyes drifted back to Yixing. He took that as the cue to turn to his fellow dancers and give some last-minute pointers before sending them off. Sehun and Jongin both gave you a final curious glance before they left. You were able to breathe a little better with the reduced amount of testosterone in the room.

“Do they really make you that nervous?” Yixing teased you. You playfully rolled your eyes at him as you stood up to approach him.

“Shut up, I’m just not good around good-looking guys” you mumbled as you positioned yourself in front of him.

He kept his gaze steady in front of you as he casually said, “So, you think I’m not good-looking?”

You blushed and mentally cursed yourself when you realized how it must have sounded to him. Hastily, you backtracked. “It’s not that you’re not good-looking–“

“Average, then?” You didn’t catch the twitching of his lips as you turned an even darker shade of red.

“No! God, no! You’re probably one of the most handsome men I’ve laid my eyes on. I just got better at handling myself around you, thank you very much” you admitted. “It also helped that you were awkward during our first meeting. Makes you more human than surreal.”

“You compliment me too much, Miss Y/N” he said in a cheeky tone. It was then that you realized that you’ve been played. Groaning in frustration and embarrassment, you pulled him closer as you put his hands on your body, the both of you posed for the opening of your routine. He grinned wider at the action, showing his deep-set dimples. “Manhandling now, aren’t we, Miss Y/N.”

“Shut up. And it’s just plain Y/N; enough with the Miss in front of my name” you absently muttered. You were too busy trying to hide your red face that you didn’t notice how his eyes were on you the whole time, a sparkle hidden behind the dark irises.

“Okay... Y/N.” You head snapped up, stunned by the sudden drop of formalities. Before you could say anything else, he had the music turned on already, filling the room with the sound of violin of the intro.

Instantly, the two of you rehearsed the routine flawlessly. You had it memorized like the back of your hand, as well as Yixing, as you both seamlessly wen through the choreography. He spun you once, twice, thrice before dipping your body low for the nth time as the song came to a close. Like always, you held the stance for a few seconds as you caught your breaths. Your eyes were trained on your reflection until they wandered upwards... where you saw how intense Yixing was looking at you as he breathed heavily. The slow creeping of redness from the top of your chest to your face was evident and you could see him following its path until his dark, glittering orbs made contact with yours on the mirror.

Suddenly, it was too silent and loud all at once. You were acutely aware of the sound of your breath, as well as his. Your could hear the blood rushing in your ears and the dangerously hard thumping of your heart. You wanted to look away but he held you captive. As if spellbound, he hoisted up your body until you were standing straight and flush against him. It was embarrassing how weak your knees were just from that strange moment. You didn’t know why you’re still breathing hard but you can’t stop it, unable to help yourself.

Clearing your throat, you tried taking a step back but found that his strong arm was still wrapped around your waist. You didn’t really want to look up. You had no choice, though. It would be weird to shyly ask him to kindly remove his arm because that wasn’t the image of yourself that you presented to him. You met people straight in the eye and that was what you did. You had to fight the urge to gasp when you discovered that his eyes were already on you.

“Hey, so there’s this thing called personal space...” you trailed off slightly, a little nervous because his blank expression didn’t change. “Yixing? You okay?”

He blinked then and was a foot away from you faster than you could say “thanks”. Awkwardly, he cleared his throat and smiled shyly at you. “Sorry, I got lost in thought for a moment” he explained. You only nodded but in your heart, you could stop the slight twinge of disappointment. But why were you disappointed? You weren’t sure but you wanted to find out.

“It’s okay. Let’s go at it one more time?” you suggested in a soft voice. He merely nodded in response.

“By the way, I have tteokbokki.”

“Are they spicy?”

“I also have the sweet variety.”

“You’re my hero. I also have cola. I bought a 1.5-L bottle this time. I hope you have some clean cups lying around here somewhere.”

“You bet I do. Let’s practice now so we can eat earlier.”

Saturdays were special for you. You dressed in your most comfortable outfit: a huge, fluffy sweater, a pair of jeans and sneakers. You rode the bus to your destination, a sling bag on your shoulder. Excitedly, you boarded off the stop that was nearest to the place you were headed to. After a few minutes, the soup kitchen was already in sight.

You hummed a cheery tune as you went through the front doors, instantly greeted by the workers. They cheered upon seeing the boxes of cookies and trays of coffee cups you promised them last week. Many hollered their thanks as they went through their tasks. You had refused help, saying you got it covered but frankly, your arms were ready to fall off. You just didn’t want to bother anyone since you were all getting ready to work for the day. Dawn was barely breaking when you arrived and you didn’t blame them for probably still being sluggish at this time of the day. You nearly jumped out of your skin when someone took half of the things you’ve piled into your arms, splitting it right in the middle and allowing you to see past the boxes you’re carrying.

“Here, let me help y – Miss Y/N?” Your eyes immediately snapped up to meet a pair of familiar, brown orbs. Yixing blankly blinked at your face before his face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Y/N! You volunteer here, too?”

Before you were given the chance to reply, someone butted into your conversation. “What’s with the Miss Y/N? Are you guys co-workers?” one nosy worker asked.

“Yes, we are. We worked in the same dance studio” she answered cordially. “I did mention I teach tango there. He teaches hiphop.”

“Oh, that’s so cool! Anyways, it’s his first day today although he called in the middle of the week. Y/N, do you mind if you show him the ropes? I thought he would be more comfortable around you and you’re mostly in charge of the breakfast shift” the head of staff told you. You nodded in agreement and turned to Yixing.

“Well, let’s go, fledgling. I’ll teach you how things work here. I sure do hope they already gave you your shifts” you said in a light tone as you lead him inside the kitchen area. “And it’s Y/N. Geez, I’ve been telling you for so long to just drop the Miss. You already did the last time. What’s with today?”

He flushed, a dusting of light pink appearing on his cheeks. “It just slipped. I’ll keep in mind to call you by your name then. Oh, and my shift is breakfast service, lunch shift in the kitchen, and then dinner service.”

“Hmm, I’ll have to make your lesson as quick and informative as possible because we only have–” you checked the wall clock– “two hours at best before we open up for the crowd.” 

You instructed him to place the boxes and trays on the counter as the coffee was for everyone and the cookies were for dinner. Once you had everything set, you turned to him.

“Okay, so this is how it goes. For breakfast service, you’re either assigned to one of the two jobs: service or clean-up. Since you’re in breakfast service, your job is to serve people their food. The system around here is a first come, first serve basis. They will fall in line in front of the counter where we’ll put the food and the bowls, plates and eating utensils. We put the food in either a bowl or a plate – sometimes both, it depends on the food – and give it to them. It’s up to them where they want to take a seat. Then, clean-up would come and take their dishes away after they leave when they’ve had their fill. Clean-up is also in charge of washing those used dishes. However, it’s a joint effort to clean the hall when there’s trash littered around or something like that. Still with me so far?” You paused to look at him to see him seriously listening, slightly leaning towards you as he took everything in with interest.

“Yep, I’m still listening. So, is that it for breakfast service?” he asked. You nodded in reply.

“Yes, that’s basically all you’ll have to do. We usually have an hour or two of slow traffic before it picks up again for the lunch crowd. Now, since you’re in the kitchen shift at this time of the day, a word of advice: just keep cooking. It’s more of a hassle to cook only when the food runs out. The key is cooking in small amounts, just enough to feed or tide over the first wave. Then, you keep the momentum.You’ll have to estimate that, though. If you want, you can ask and coordinate with the others who share the kitchen shift with you.

“Dinner service is similar to breakfast service, instead it’s in dinner so yes, that’s about it. You’re ready for battle” you joked. He smiled at you in amusement and he just stood there, taking in everything with his eyes silently until they landed back on yours. You took the time that he was preoccupied to take in his appearance. It was a little strange to see him out of his jogger pants and tank top. Instead, he was wearing an outfit rather similar to yours. He was also dressed in a sweater, although it was a little fit on his frame. The same goes for his jeans, highlighting how muscularly lean he really was. Even his sneakers were of the same color as yours.

“We look like a couple with our coordinating outfits” he said so suddenly, you nearly got whiplash with how fast you snapped your head up to meet his eyes. You both reddened at the statement before you burst out laughing.

“It would be fun trolling everyone and getting a kick out of their reaction” you said, playfully nudging his elbow with yours. “Come on, we should probably start working. We have to start the prep for the food to be served for breakfast.”

“Is that only for the kitchen shift to do or can the others help?” he asked you. You shook your head at that.

“Anyone can help. I just like doing it on my own but an extra hand is always welcome. They usually just help whenever they walk in on me” you told him. He nodded and watched you take a pair of plastic, disposable gloves, putting them on. He followed what you did and you smiled at that.

“What are we cooking for today?” you called out to everyone through the opening in the kitchen as you and Yixing put on hair nets. Someone replied with a “Seaweed soup, radish kimchi, vegetable omelette and rice!” and another added with “Don’t forget the tofu with seasoned soy sauce!” You laughed at their answers as you wrote it down on the small chalkboard they kept in sight for everyone.

“Okay, let’s start!”

Needless to say, you were knackered by the time your breakfast kitchen shift was done. Your coffee had gone cold and you were irritable because of that. It also didn’t help that there just seemed to be a never-ending stream of poor and homeless people who were the beneficiaries of the soup kitchen. It broke your heart just how many people out there were suffering while people like you could live in comfort. As much as helping was fun, sometimes, it would take a toll on you as it would make you think, “What else can I do to help more?”

You were in this state of mind when Yixing managed to find you after all the hustle and bustle outside. He was exhausted as well but you looked worse, even though he was kind enough not to mention it. You had already opened one of the ten cookie boxes you left for the staff, munching on a piece like there was no tomorrow.

“Whoa, slow down” he told you when you nearly bit off your finger. You just looked at him with solemn eyes before standing up to get yourself a glass of water. He was quiet as he watched you move around the kitchen, taking inventory of the ingredients left and the condition of the cookware. Once you stopped moving again, he unexpectedly grabbed your wrist and gently guided you out of the soup kitchen.

“Where do you think you’re taking me? We’re still at work. Well, technically, we’re volunteering but it still involves work” you deadpanned. You couldn’t help but be grumpy at him, at yourself and at everybody else. No one stopped you on your way out which confused you.

“I already asked for permission. We’re going to have your caffeine fix” he said. And just like that, your mood was lifted. He looked back, over his shoulders and laughed at how you beamed up at him.

“You don’t know how much coffee means to me. Thank you so much, you kind and beautiful soul” you gushed, your thoughts unfiltered as you said what was simply on your mind. He quickly looked away but it was too late. You already saw the flush that was on his face. Also, his red neck and ears were a dead giveaway. You didn’t call him out for that. But it did make you wonder if you had the same effect on him as he did to you.

“In all honesty, though, tea is a healthier alternative to coffee. I highly recommend that you should try it. It’s just a suggestion, though” he said in a conversational tone. He effectively maneuvered you through the crowd until you reached the nearest coffee shop. You nearly wept in joy at the sight of the familiar signage. You breezed through the front doors and were at the counter in an instant.

“Okay, Zhang Yixing” you started saying. It immediately caught his attention as he turned his head so fast towards you, you thought it gave him whiplash. “Since you were the one who suggested I try tea, what do you recommend I should start try to start off my journey to rediscovery?”

He laughed, laughed at your words and the sight was enough to render you into a puddle at his feet. His dimples peeked out at you, as if saying ‘Hi’, and you had to make a conscious effort of focusing to his words. “Well, I think peppermint is a great place to start. I’ll have a cup of green tea for myself. Anything else?”

“A plate of your freshest batch of chocolate chip cookies” you said to the woman behind the counter. She nodded and punched in your orders before pausing, waiting for your signal that you’re done.

“I’ll have the same as hers” Yixing said. “And I want mine chewy.”

You grinned slowly up at him. “Well, what do you know? I also like my cookies chewy.”

“Is that all?” the woman asked in confirmation. You nodded and she forwarded the order to the people preparing the tea and snacks. Yixing guided you to a booth next to a window and you sank down to the soft cushion, almost moaning in delight now that you could rest your aching legs and feet.

“Thank you for this, Yixing” you said in a grateful tone. He flashed you his dimples again before he looked out of the window. Again, you couldn’t seem to keep your eyes anywhere but on his as you drank in his side profile. The way the soft morning light hit his pale skin made him look ethereal. You were too busy looking at him that it took you a moment to realize that he was staring back, amusement evident on his features.

“You seem spaced out there for a moment” he teased you. “Am I that disarming?”

You blinked. Holy guacamole, is he actually teasing you? Pinching your arm, you confirmed that you were indeed awake. He noticed the action and his dimple deepened, a chuckle slipping past his lips.

“Okay, that had me reevaluating my life choices. I think my world just shifted off its axis” you said without thinking. He tilted his head, intrigued by your choice of words.

“Why is that? Is it so out-of-character for me to be like that?” he asked in bewilderment, leaning towards you across the table. You shrugged bashfully, trying to find the right string of words to pull together to form a coherent sentence as a reply.

“No, not really. It’s just... you’re this awkward, professional guy when we’re practicing at the studio” you told him. “This is just a fresh change, I guess? You’re more relaxed. Heck, you just teased me. A new side of you that I haven’t seen, you could say. Am I making sense? Well, bottomline is it’s disarming. Caught me off-guard.”

He smiled after your embarrassing rambling and stayed quiet for a few seconds. Then, he spoke up again, “Well, would you like to get to know this side better, then?”

You felt something shift inside you. Or maybe it was between the two of you. You weren’t quite sure but when you glanced up, considering his offer, he wasn’t the same Yixing you painted in your mind anymore.

“I have a better idea” you countered with a quirk of your lips. “How about I get to know as many sides of you as I can unearth?”

He mimed someone who was deep in thought before his eyes landed on yours, a glint evident in them. “It depends.”

“Depends on what?”

He grinned. “It depends on how many sides of you I can unearth. So, are you up for some deep talks over tea and cookies?”

You leaned forward, closer to his face as you whispered, “Just don’t forget we have to go back two hours before lunch and we’re good to go.”

Here’s part two of Dance With Me! Thank you so much for reading my work. I might add more parts to the series if I can’t wrap it all up in part three. Anyways, here’s to 2018! *raises champagne flute*

[maidenofsophia]

No-Gnostic Sophian

Reading the articles on Di-Jana concerning Divine Sophia are convincing me more and more to drop the Gnostic label from my practice, in much the same way that I have distanced myself from identifying as Christian, other than culturally.

Gnosis is still a part of my belief structure, as is Christ. Yet these two aspects alone don’t feel enough to keep me tied to what the names have come to mean in the world. There was a time this didn’t bother me. So long as *I* understood what they mean and how I connect with them it was all that mattered. But it doesn’t feel that easy anymore and I’m constantly having to disconnect from the renowned aspects of each path that I personally reject.

I love Christ, as in I love the idea of Christ-consciousness, a state of discovering the divine within oneself and becoming a light-bearer of sacred knowledge and guidance from God for others. When wisdom and word (Sophia and Logos) are perfectly connected within a great spiritual leader. I follow the example set by those I believe have achieved Christ-consciousness; Yeshua the Nazarene and Mariya Magdalene, as well as being inspired by others of different faiths such as Gautama Buddha and Guru Nanak Dev Ji. Through them I inspire to be ‘Christ-like’, as the name ‘Christian’ translates as. However, this is not what defines a Christian in the world today. A Christian is, apparently, someone who accepts the sacrifice of Jesus Christ - the one true Son of the God of Israel - in order to be saved from damnation. That is an oversimplification and many denominations have different views on what this entails - but it is what people have come to think of when they hear the word ‘Christian’, in the smallest of nutshells. I may disagree but I am just one voice drowned out by billions. 

And the same is occurring with being a Gnostic. I still believe in the concept of Gnosis. I believe it is the key, or at least one of them, to achieving Christ-consciousness. But it is probably the only Gnostic idea that I still cleave to. The one I have always had most conflict with is the idea of the Demiurge and the Archons, mostly stemming from the concept that they and the material world are a ‘mistake’ produced by Sophia messing up. Basically reducing Her to yet another female who is to blame for the Fall from Grace. I have made attempts to come to my own understanding on this idea, even finding inspiration in the concept that the Goddess Herself makes mistakes. But this still feels like an insult to Her, especially with the added factor of Her needing a male hero in the Logos to rescue Her and return her to the patriarchal Father whom She repents to. Even if I’m to replace ‘Father’ with ‘Mother’ (or Parent) it still demeans Sophia by having Her as a repentant figure. Just as the church did to Mary Magdalene by turning her from a spiritual teacher into a penitent prostitute.

I’m not sure where I stand on the Archons and the Demiurge. At first, like many newcomers to Gnostic mythology, I saw them as the big bad evil rulers of the Universe, then they became more like oafish corporate overlords, with the Demiurge as a rebellious son that his goddess mother could not control. But now after reading this article by ArchMadria Candre Sophia, I can’t unsee the connection between Sophia creating the seven Archons and Eurynome creating the seven planetary powers. The Gnostic misogynist spin on this idea of the Goddess creating/birthing seven powers of the Earth becoming something shameful feels evident - one only has to read many of the ‘Gnostic’ scriptures to see that at the time of their writing, a feminine version was always inverted of its masculine counterpart: always negative. Corrupt. 

I’m also aware that in the Filianic mythos, the Dark Queen has seven darker counterparts of the Seven Janati. But there is no description in Gnostic mythology of there being Seven Aeons to counterpart the Archons, as would have made sense to me. Barbelo, the All-Mother, gives birth to all the many Aeons of the Pleroma - but all through the permission and power of the superior ‘Father God’, to which She is but a passive recipient to his active life-force. Almost everything I come across in Gnostic literature is plagued with this misogynistic idea of the male/masculine representing that which is ‘higher’ and what rescues the fallen feminine counterpart. The Divine Feminine may be honoured and praised, even worshipped, for her repentance and resolve as well as her growing wisdom, but there always seems to be a male face above Hers, whether it be the Son or the Alien Father. 

This is not what I believe. I see Barbelo, the All-Mother, as the beginning of all things. The first great mystery. If She came from an Unknown Force than it was not the ‘Father’. I believe He exists within Her, a tiny speck of light that pulses like a heartbeat, where His love and knowledge pours into the veins of the cosmos that She creates. He aids Her, His role is important and appreciated, but She is not dependant on Him as He is to Her. She is the Great Mother who crafts and nurtures all things since the beginning. From Her comes Lady Sophia who sought to create the material universe by Her own choice. This was no mistake. The rulers She put in place, which Gnostics call Archons, are a part of Her. They do not act against Her or any of Her children. Instead they are more akin to the Holy Aeons of the Pleroma interacting in our universe. This does not mean I reject the idea of the Demiurge and Archons completely - but my view has changed. I no longer see them as corrupted children of Our Lady. The Demiurge is not a god - rather the Demiurge is us. Or, rather, it is when we as living beings turn away from the light of Sophia. It is when we accept ignorance over truth, oppression over freedom, hatred over compassion etc. These are the choices that bring sin, which creates the illusion that we are separate or lost from Our Mother. This is the root of all pain and suffering. To ensure we do not remain lost, Sophia entered the universe in the form of her daughter, Zoe, to face the seven Archons and share the suffering of mortal beings. In this act She shattered Her soul to ensure that we all carry a spark of Her within us. I still believe in the Divine Son, the Logos, but He is not Her saviour or hero-husband figure. Rather He, as a supportive brother and devoted champion, acts with the Mother-Father and the Seven Powers to return Zoe to the Pleroma, thus ensuring all living beings salvation. He is the Word that is spoken to share truth among the people - but without Wisdom, the Word is empty, and can be corrupted. Wisdom, on the other hand, but can be hidden away - but never used for evil. 

In short; I believe in Sophia as God in Her own right. As Mother, Daughter and Holy Soul (also called Celestial Mother or Holy Bride). I believe She creates the Father and Son, who act in tandem with the Mother and Daughter, but are not superior. I also believe that the Father and Son are without ego or ‘toxic masculine’ aspects - so they do not demand worship or sacrifice, they are devoted to Her and Her creation. They are divine powers of pure love and compassion. I don’t believe that the material world was a ‘mistake’ on Sophia’s part, nor do I believe we are ruled by enemies of Her. I believe that Gnosis and Christ-consciousness helps to reunite our souls with Her fully, to become bearers of Her light, but not to free us from another god’s world. I plan to study and meditate on the Seven Spirits of Sophia, similar to how Deanists build a relationship with the Seven Janati. 

While I doubt there would be Gnostics today who kick up a fuss about the different view I take, painting Sophia as a righteous divine figure rather than a fallen goddess, or seeing the supposed ‘Archons’ in a positive light, it does feel so different to how Gnosticism was introduced to me or how it is still practised in churches such as the Ecclesia Gnostica. This is why, something I’ve now convinced myself at the end of writing this post, I no longer identify as a Gnostic. I might loosely call myself a Christian mystic if pushed, only as I feel I am a ‘cultural Christian’ as that is where my beliefs have grown from, but nothing really more than that.

I am still a Sophian. She is the constant. Often I contemplate calling myself a Sophian Deanist, as my beliefs seem to grow more and more similar along with my interest in the religion and love for the followers on here (especially with Clan Jana), but I admire Deanism for being a safe-space religion for those who wish to worship the Divine Feminine on Her own without any need for a masculine divinity. As the Father and Son are still part of my Godhead, albeit in the background and subject to the All-Mother, I would still feel out of place. I’m aware blended paths with divine masculine gods are accepted (so long as Dea is seen as the Supreme Creatrix) but I’ve yet to see any other Deanist attempt this and I’m not brave enough to be the first to try. ;) So I hope at the very least to be able to take inspiration where I can and enjoy the parallels between our faiths.

[bordersmash8-blog]

Why Ingredients in Beer Matter – And What Beer Companies Aren’t Telling You

I was having a blast watching the Super Bowl last weekend… and it had NOTHING to do with the game! Bud Light started advertising that they have No Corn Syrup in their beer, and texts like this kept rolling in…

You see, we launched the petition that started the conversation about beer ingredients and why they matter. And now, Bud Light is spending millions of dollars on a marketing campaign to tell us that corn syrup isn’t in their beer – but there is SO MUCH MORE to this story. 

Here’s how it all started…

A little over 4 years ago I was sitting at Anheuser-Busch headquarters trying to convince their executives to develop an organic beer. At the time they told me they had tried one in the past, but it didn’t sell. Stone Mill Organic Pale Ale was the first one they produced many years ago, but they took it off the market… 

The original organic beer as seen at the Anheuser-Busch headquarters

Well, so much has changed since then, and not only did they end up coming out with an organic Michelob Ultra Pure Gold beer, but they advertised it during the Super Bowl! I couldn’t have been more happy to see that. I remember sitting in their board room, wondering if my arguments for an organic beer were convincing enough or just falling on deaf ears. 

Meeting with executives at Anheuser-Busch in St. Louis, MO

I’ve been investigating the ingredients in alcohol for the last 6 years and dedicated an entire chapter (chapter 7!) to it in my first book. The ingredients in beer are not required by law to be listed anywhere on the label and manufacturers have no legal obligation to disclose the ingredients. The beer industry is regulated by the U.S. Treasury Department (the people who collect taxes) instead of the FDA like most other food and beverages. This is why we know more about what’s in a can of Coke than what’s in our beer.

Since beer companies aren’t required to tell us their ingredients, I knew I needed to investigate this for myself and what I found shocked me. I grew concerned after discovering there is a long list of additives the government has approved for use that beer companies don’t need to tell you about… corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, artificial flavors, stabilizers linked to intestinal inflammation, artificial colors, caramel coloring, and genetically modified ingredients, to name a few.

I knew people wanted to know more about what was in their beer (especially since my husband loves beer), so I launched a petition in 2014 asking the two biggest beer manufacturers in the world (Anheuser-Busch and MillerCoors) to publish their ingredients online (1). The response was HUGE. Within the first 24 hours the petition received 43,000 signatures and Anheuser-Busch publicly agreed to publish the list of ingredients online (2). MillerCoors quickly followed.

The petition we started in 2014

Thanks to the work of the Food Babe Army, we made history that day. And that’s when Anheuser-Busch invited me to St. Louis to see how their beer was made. 

Behind the scenes at Anheuser-Busch

If you watched the Super Bowl, you likely saw Bud Light’s ads about how they don’t use corn syrup in their beer. They also threw Miller Light and Coors Light under the bus for using corn syrup in their beer…Which is completely true. 

I LOVE how they played the part of “Food Babe Army” in listing out the ingredients for everyone to see in these flyers. But as I wrote about in my first book, Bud Light actually never used corn syrup in their beer, so I found that misleading. 

Anheuser-Busch (the parent company for Bud Light) is insinuating that just because one product is “clean”, all of their other products are a better choice, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. They are using the same ingredients as Miller Light and Coors Light in some of their other beers.

Anheuser-Busch is still using corn syrup in other beers, which is likely made with GMO corn.

Bud Light spent millions of dollars on a marketing campaign to tell us that corn syrup isn’t in their beer, but other beers by Anheuser-Busch still use it. And this didn’t go unnoticed by their competition. During the SuperBowl, MillerCoors called them out online for putting high fructose corn syrup in some of their beers…

The battle is brewing between Anheuser-Busch and MillerCoors. And while it’s great to see them open up the conversation around beer ingredients and transparency, it would have been better to see Anheuser-Busch remove all corn syrup from their beers before making a such a spectacle.

You’ll find corn syrup in several of their most popular beers like Rolling Rock, Kokanee, and Busch beer…

MillerCoors uses corn syrup in their beers too, but hasn’t always disclosed this… 

When MillerCoors first published their ingredients online following our 2014 petition, they did not list “corn syrup” as an ingredient (3). While the media was eating up the story, they simply reported the ingredients in Coors Light and Miller Light as “water, barley malt, corn, yeast, and hops” (4). More recent updates to their website shows the ingredients as this…

Coors Light: Water, Barley Malt, Corn Syrup (Dextrose), Yeast, Hop Extract Miller Light: Water, Barley Malt, Corn Syrup (Dextrose), Yeast, Hops and Hop Extract

Was MillerCoors not telling the whole truth about their ingredients 4 years ago or did they recently add corn syrup and hop extracts?

Should you care if there is corn syrup in your beer?

Corn syrup isn’t typically used as a sweetener in beer, rather it’s used as a cheap sugar which ferments. The reason why you wouldn’t want to drink beer made with corn or corn syrup is because almost all corn is genetically modified (GMO)(5) and if you don’t want to support GMOs, Monsanto/Bayer, and the chemical companies who are poisoning our food and environment with Roundup herbicides linked to cancer (6) – you don’t want beer produced with GMOs. Beer is traditionally brewed with malted barley, a non-GMO grain (7), and not corn. 

It’s not just the corn syrup. Beer companies are guilty of using other ingredients that don’t belong in beer. These two are the most common in mass produced beer… 

Hop Extract: Rather than using whole hops or hop pellets, beer companies use a chemically altered hop extract to add bitterness while reducing the amount of actual hops in the beer. This is a cheaper way to produce beer.

Caramel Color: This brown coloring is used to make some beers appear darker. It’s manufactured by heating ammonia and sulfites under high pressure, which creates carcinogenic compounds. Newcastle removed this from their beers in 2015 (8) after we called them out for this. It appears Stella Artois (by Anheuser Busch) also no longer contains caramel coloring, as we had reported finding it listed as an ingredient on an overseas website in 2014 (3). 

This is another big industry lie that we’ve seen companies do many times. They advertise how one product doesn’t contain something, but their other products still do. So you think that you can trust a brand, but you can’t.

It is CRAZY that Anheuser-Busch would base an entire multi-million dollar campaign on ONE product that doesn’t have corn syrup or hop extract – while their other products still use these ingredients.

Bud Light VP Andy Goeler was quoted as saying “While ingredient labels are not required, consumers deserve to know more about their beer. We brew Bud Light with the finest ingredients and we’re happy to proudly display them on our packaging. When people walk through a store, they are used to seeing ingredient labels on products in every aisle, except for the beer, wine and spirits aisle. As the lead brand in the category, we believe increasing on-pack transparency will benefit the entire beer category and provide our consumers with the information they expect to see.” (9)

I hope they live up to that statement when it comes to ALL of the beers at Anheuser-Busch – and not just Bud Light.

It’s just common sense. Don’t bash other products that use corn syrup and hop extract when you are doing the exact same thing. Either clean up your beers or don’t. I hope Anheuser-Busch learns from this and realizes this is not the way to win customers. We are smarter than that. 

In just two short weeks my new book hits shelves and I’m so excited for you to read it. It is very eye opening. In Feeding You Lies, I delve deep into the lies that food and beverage companies tell us to get us to keep buying their products. My hope is that it will change the food industry again, by encouraging them to use more transparent practices and improve their products.

We need all hands on deck, Food Babe Army! Pre-order a copy below to be one of the first to read it and be part of our movement pushing the industry to do better.

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I can’t wait to see ingredient labels on every beer at the store, can you? I know it will happen when you share posts like this to keep the beer companies on their toes! 

It’s amazing how the seeds we planted to change the terrible lack of transparency in the beer industry are now bearing fruit. You are an amazing force Food Babe Army! Thank you for continuing to spread the word and demand the truth about what we are eating and drinking.

If you know anyone who loves to drink beer (I’m sure you do!) PLEASE SHARE this post with them! 

Xo,

Vani 

P.S. Want to know more about how the food and beverage industry swindles us? MUST READ: <![CDATA[ .ctfont font-family: 'Crimson Text', serif; .pre-order-now color: #e81f31; font-weight: bold; .claim-your-bonus-link text-decoration: underline; color: red !important; .preorder-button max-height:44px; .preorder-button:hover, .submit-button:hover -webkit-filter: drop-shadow(2px 2px 2px rgba(0,0,0,0.5)); -ms-filter: "progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.Dropshadow(OffX=2, OffY=2, Color='#444')"; filter: "progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.Dropshadow(OffX=2, OffY=2, Color='#444')"; .preorder-button.dark-bg:hover -webkit-filter: drop-shadow(2px 2px 2px rgba(255,255,255,0.2)); -ms-filter: "progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.Dropshadow(OffX=2, OffY=2, Color='#444')"; filter: "progid:DXImageTransform.Microsoft.Dropshadow(OffX=2, OffY=2, Color='#444')"; .block-font font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; ]]>

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Source: https://foodbabe.com/why-ingredients-in-beer-matter-and-what-beer-companies-arent-telling-you/