#and then I blacked out for a few hours and woke up at 4am having completed this

[thesaintofnevergettingitright]

Have you ever wondered how Dimension 20’s Intrepid Heroes (+Aabria) would react to being told “I’d die for you”? Because my brain would not allow me to rest until I shared my thoughts on the subject.

[rapz-rites]

Hearts

Damian Wayne x Reader

You and your soulmate can feel each other's heartbeat 

A/N: for @thesuperiorrobin btw I started writing this super late at night so it might not be the best but I hope you all like this

Word Count: 1.1k+

Warning(s): Barely proofread, loophole cursewords

You jolted up from your sleep. 4 times a week, 3 if you’re lucky. Like clockwork. Your soulmate's heart beats so fast, so hard, it wakes you up. You would think he was having a heart attack. 

You don’t know what your soulmate does that gets his heart beating so fast in the middle of the night. You found this whole heartbeat soulmate thing so stupid. Of all the things you and your soulmate had to share, a heartbeat, seriously?

On everyone’s 10th birthday, they start “sharing” their soulmate's heartbeat. It's not really sharing though, so you didn't understand why they explained it that way. Probably to romanticize it. 

You couldn’t go back to sleep until about 4am. But that didn’t matter because your alarm went off 2 hours later. You hated your life. Not only did you get no sleep because of your stupid soulmate but you had to get ready for school, a school filled with pompous a-holes. Luckily it was your last year and you only had a few more months left until you graduated.

~

You walk into class late, everyone looking up at you. Luckily for you, your teacher is nice enough to let it slide. 

“Hey” you said to the boy you usually sat by. His name was Damian, Damian Wayne. Yup. As in Billionaire “playboy” Bruce Wayne.

“What now L/N?” He asked. He looked up at you with an annoyed expression. Damn. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. 

“Do you think you could help me with number 5?” You looked at him with pleading eyes. “Pretty please.”

“Sure.” And he did. You didn’t really need help, you just wanted to bother and talk to Damian. 

The two of you were close acquaintances but not friends. He was you favorite pompous rich a-hole and you were one the most tolerable people at GA to Damian

After this class you were done. You were transferring books to and from your backpack when your best friend, Lienne, pulled up next to you. 

“What are you doing after school? Do you want to have a sleep-” If you didn’t stop her now it would turn into an investigation.

“I’m working at the clinic after school, but I can come over after and we can have a sleepover all you want,” you smiled at her.

“Ok. See you after work. Oh, and bring those chips I like please,” she says walking away. You chuckled at her.

You worked at a pet shop clinic. You loved it. You weren’t a people person, you were a pet person. I loved cats, dogs, and hamsters. Any domestic house pet you could get your hands on, you loved it. They were so much easier to deal with than people. 

You were peacefully playing with a hamster while it was quiet in the store. Suddenly 2 men rush in. You put the hamster back in its cage and turned to the 2 men. They both looked like they were freaking out.

“We need your help! Like it's an emergency,” the tall one said. He had jet black hair and a white streak at the front. Then the second one spoke up.

“It’s our brother's cat,” the other one said. He was shorter, maybe 5’10/11. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He handed you an adorable little tuxedo cat. You couldn’t help but awe at it.

“Sure, what happened? Our vet is currently busy, but I can check him out and get him to see him as soon as possible.” you walked them into an exam room in the clinic. As you were assessing the cat, your boss walked in. 

“What's going on here?” He asked. You explained what happened and gave your assessment of the cat to your boss. He complimented you on your good work and took over. You were happy until you felt a strain on your heart. Something was wrong with your soulmate. It felt like he was having a panic attack or something. You went to the front of the store to sit down. You were trying to steady your heartbeat to cancel his out. But of course as you sat down, someone walked in. It was none other than Damian Wayne.

“Where’s Alfred? Where’s my cat?” he asked. You walked up to him to get his attention. You were holding onto his arm while he was looking around frantically.

“Your cat? Is he a tuxedo cat?” He immediately looked down at you. “You’ve seen Alfred? Where is he?”

“Your brothers brought him in,” you explained to him calmly. You were already trying to calm your soulmate’s heartbeat and now you have to calm a frantic billionaire son. He was spouting nonsense you didnt want to listen to while you ushered him to a chair.

“Listen Wayne,” you said, shutting him up. “Your brothers brought him in. I assessed him and the vet is now with him. He's going to be fine”

You could tell your words helped, but he was still anxious. It was kinda cute that he cared this much for a cat. One time you saw him roll his eyes at a school assembly about suicide. But he was still breathing heavily. At this point your heartbeat was calm but you could still feel your soulmate’s fast heart.

You took Damian’s hand and put it over your heart, and you did the same to him. That's when you felt it. People who already met their soulmates said once you know it's this indescribable, thrilling feeling. They were right. It was like time stopped and nothing else mattered. Your hearts synced and that's all you both felt. You both stared into each other’s eyes. You opened your mouth to speak but was interrupted. 

“Are we interrupting something?” The tall brother asked. You quickly moved back from Damian, putting your hands at your side.

“Yes”

“No”

You both spoke in unison. You looked at him, but he was glaring at his brothers.

“So what did Dr. Goldwin say?” you asked, smiling before it got awkward.

~

“OMG OMG OMG!” Lienne squealed, jumping around her room. “YOUR SOULMATE IS DAMIAN WAYNE.”

You weren’t surprised at her reaction when you told her. She always had a knack for the dramatics. As she was jumping around, spouting how beautiful your wedding was going to be, you got a text from your “future husband”.

Damian ☹️: Hello Y/N

                    Let’s go out on a date Saturday

                    Send me your address and I'll pick you up at 2pm

Y/N : I’d love to go out with you 😉

You’ll tell Lienne once she calms down. She's going to freak.

So… what do you think???

I’m working on request so plz don’t think I forgot abt those.

[incideous]

˓𓄹 ࣪˖ CRIMINAL • simon “ghost” riley & johnny “soap” mactavish

♡ pairing: simon riley x fem!reader x johnny mactavish

♡ word count: 5.5k (stayed up til 4am just to finish it, as the horny hours have TRANSCENDED!!!)

♡ bunny’s note:: I was supposed to release this on my birthday (which was yesterday) but I wasn’t feeling right so guess what, you getting it today. and this shit is SPICYYY!

♡ content contains: throat fucking, rough sex, slight spanking, sexual degradation, dom!simon, dom!johnny, sub!reader, face riding, slapping, talk about murder, double penetrating (2 dicks, 1 hole), nipple play, cumplay, creampie, hair pulling, orgasm denial, extreme dirty talk

You woke up to the sound of glass shattering, a loud ringing sound before there was utter silence. It took you a few seconds to realize what was going on. Have you been dreaming? No, you were for sure not, you knew you had heard glass shatter in the other room somewhere.

It couldn’t be anything but an intruder since you were home alone. a cold sweat came across your body, your nerves beginning to build, driving you absolutely wild.

You were getting scared now, nothing but silence in the house. Not one sound of movement, breathing, nothing. you looked at the clock next to your bed, 3:49 am. You felt every bone in your body freeze. You wanted to get up, you really did but something in you just couldn’t. if there was really an intruder, you’d be fucked.

Then, just as your fingers began to lift up your blanket, you heard it. Footsteps.

Someone was in your home. Your eyes widened as you peered at your closed bathroom door. Whoever it was, they surely were just trying to rob you, right? They could take whatever they wanted as long as it wasn’t your life.

You stared at the bedroom door, a single drop of sweat sliding down your forehead onto your blanket. You weren’t hot, no. Just extremely nervous. in fact, if anything, you were freezing. your blood was running cold, a shiver running down your spine as you listened to the footsteps. They moved slow, steady and sly, like a snake.

Your hearts basically pounding into your chest at this point. Letting out a shaky breath, you didn’t even realize that your fingers were trembling against the covers.

Please don’t come this way, please…

You were never that religious but you suddenly found yourself bowing your head, praying for forgiveness for whatever you had done for this to be your fate. Suddenly, everything was silent.

You were still mumbling your prayer, “Please father forgive me for whatever my wrongdoings may have been. I-”

You lifted your head as you heard a sudden stomp of footsteps directly outside your bedroom door. You saw a shadow underneath the door frame, two feet. No. Four.

There was not just one intruder in your home. There were two. You cursed yourself for not turning off the hall light, you’d rather not see them as they made the situation worse.

You hadn’t even noticed that you began to cry, hot tears flowing down your cheeks as you bit the inside of them, tasting the rusty flavor of blood. Your teeth chattered in nervousness, biting down hard on your bottom lip as you heard the door knob begin to twist.

You shook in fear when the door opened, two men walking into the room. They both had masks on from what you could see, horrifying you. They were dressed in all black, feet shuffling across the wood floor.

Your lip started to bleed from how hard you were biting down on it, your body cold and shaking. You could feel the intruders cold hard stares on you, one beginning to move towards you.

“And so there you are, little miss L/N- I really would have come sooner but it isn’t that easy finding someone as important as your address.” An incredibly deep voice spoke. You trembled a bit more. Who in the actual fuck could this be? and how the hell did he know your name?

“You know-” the deep voice paused, his tongue clicking as he seemed to be in deep thought. “I searched everywhere for you. When I couldn’t find you anywhere I figured I’d have to do with breaking into your base, finding your address for myself once and for all and now here we are.”

His voice seemed anything but joyful. He seemed cold. You were shaking just thinking about what they were going to do to you. More specifically, him.

“You see, I’ve been watching you Y/N,” he even knows your first name? “I must say, i’m not amused with how poorly you speak on my name.” He continued to speak and now, your thoughts were running wild. Who could this possibly be? Who is this person inside of your home and what does he mean? Your mind clicks to your ex-boyfriend, Phillip Graves, he must’ve set you up and this must all be a joke.

“are you catching on yet?” The intruder asked you, the one next to him cocking his head to the side to stare at you.

You shook your head anxiously.

“Speak.”

Then, it flooded out of you.

“N-no, I don't know what you’re talking about, in fact, I don’t even know who you are. Just please don’t hurt me, please.” You practically begged at this point, the first male letting out a deep chuckle.

What he said next has your blood running cold.

“Does the name “Ghost” ring a bell?” He asked, though it wasn’t actually a question, more like telling you because of course you knew who Ghost was. It’s Simon Riley. One of most notorious criminals in the city, for fucks sakes he’s part of the infamous TF-141. He wasn’t one to play with at all.

“Ah, so it does.” he chuckles deeply, “Soap, why don’t you turn on the lights, I think Miss Y/N has some explaining to do.”

The second male moved to the light switch, flicking it on as quickly as he could. The room instantly lit up, you’re shaking and now, they could tell your exact reaction to their presence.

“You see Y/N, you haven’t said any nice things about me. You’re not a very nice girl.” Ghost spoke out, face still hidden under a mask.

You’re still quaking, that was until he said something that made you pissed beyond belief.

“You know I’m going to kill you tonight, right? ‘M gonna enjoy watching you beg for your life, on your knees, tears running down your pretty little face. You know, has your daddy ever taught you to not talk bad about those who you don’t know?” He huskily voiced out, laughing towards the end.

“Fuck you.” You snarled now angry tears streaming down your cheek.

“Ah, so she finally appears. Hello Y/N, I’ve been expecting you.” He teases, voice loud and practically shakes the room.

It was like a certain switch inside you was turned and now, you were furious. Who the hell does he think he is, storming into your house with some friend, threatening you.

“What the hell do you want, Ghost? You’re gonna kill me? All because i’m putting your bad behavior out to the world, showing them what you really are?” You were shaking in anger, pausing to collect your breath. “What are we, in kindergarten? You’re getting offended and hurt over the truth? The truth that you’re an evil bastard who scandals to make a living? You know what, fuck you…”

You didn’t know what he said that pissed you off so much but it did and now he was pissed.

“You got quite the mouth on you, princess. no one’s ever taught you how to use it, I suppose.” The other male spoke, his voice was somewhat as deep as Simon’s, it was a little softer.

Ghost agreed with him, “Sure seems like it.”

You rolled your eyes, the tears now dead and gone. “So what’re you waiting for Simon? Go on, shoot me. Kill me.” You challenged him, a dark scowl forming on his face behind the mask.

“Maybe I will.”

“Maybe.”

You looked him in the eyes, his eyes a dark brown color. You guys go way back and he’s always been a criminal, a scandalous villain.

You see, you’re a news reporter and one of your biggest stories almost every week is now how Simon Riley has just managed to pull off a $5 million dollar heist. He has even killed people you’re sure. Of course, he was “proven” innocent but you knew he had paid someone off to get him off the hook. Hell, he was threatening you now.

“Let’s think back to your most recent report about me, shall we?” Ghost smiles behind his mask, tapping his finger on his temple as if he’s in deep thought. “Ah!” He dramatically smirks.

You shook your head knowing exactly what he’s talking about. Your most recent report about him was bad, not the worse but still bad.

“Notorious criminal known as Ghost was seen strolling into a luxury boutique on 6th Avenue yesterday evening. Ghost, if you’re watching, what’s next? What evil plan do you have up your sleeve now? If you’re done being a real piece of work, our city would like a piece of peace. We ask that you only begin to respect others in your-” Simon paused, taking a moment to think. “What was it you said? Oh, careless, heartless soul. You’re not welcome in this city, Ghost.”

“I was watching Y/N. You didn’t think that I’d watch my favorite news reporter did you?” He taunted you. You didn’t know why you felt yourself soften a bit at his words even when he was literally mocking you.

“You’re not very nice, baby.”

“Oh because you’re such an angel, right?” You mocked him, a dark glint reappearing in both his and his accomplice’s eyes.

You felt your breath hitch as he removed his mask, his overly attractive face coming into view. You’d never met him in person and you were sick to say that he was easily the most attractive man you’ve ever come across. His eyes were like chocolates, lips pink and naturally in a line, and his skin glowed under the light. He looked… tasty.

You cursed yourself for thinking what you were but you couldn’t help it. The fact that you hadn’t been touched by a man in months didn’t help either.

The other man followed Ghost’s lead, removing his mask almost directly after. You felt yourself throb at his facial features. He was breathtaking . His skin was a little darker than Ghost’s, plumper lips also a nice shade of pink. They both looked fucking amazing.

You hadn’t known you were so deeply wrapped up in staring at them until Simon cleared his throat, a cocky smirk played out on his lips. “you're staring baby, like what you see, huh?”

You almost couldn’t speak, wrapped up in their extremely good looks. Why was it always the worst guys who had to look the best?

“I’m no rocket scientist but if I was I’d say that you’re definitely giving Johnny here something similar to the sort.” Simon spoke, a deep laugh leaving his lips. You didn’t catch on until you looked at “Johnny.”

There was a huge bulge in his tight blue jeans and you were sure you couldn’t have been the cause of it. At the same time, it made your thoughts run wild. Has he possibly gotten turned on by you?

A small smirk crept up on Soap’s face as he peered down at you. “And I’m no woman expert but isn’t a hard nipple a sign of being horny?” Simon cockily turns his head to you, a smirk evident on his beautiful features.

You hated what you were thinking. You couldn’t stand that you wanted both of them to just destroy you in this exact moment. It absolutely made you sick that you wanted them both.

“I’m cold.” You blunted replied, covering your chest by pulling the thin blanket over. You cursed yourself for only wearing panties to sleep. You had done this since you moved out of your parents house, Graves always telling you that one day you’d regret it if you woke up and there was a sudden incident where you’d have to run outside in the spur of the moment. Now it wasn’t one of those times.

You didn’t want to get up and leave. You wanted to get up and kiss the two men right in front of you. Wanted to do the unspeakable.

Ghost laughed, looking at your alarm clock which had the temperature displayed. “It’s 80º F. There’s no way you’re cold.”

You shook your head. How could you possibly admit to your worst enemy that you wanted him and his partner to fuck you until you see stars? You just couldn’t, right?

“Admit it.” Simon spoke, his deep voice rough and filled with want, “you’re horny.”

You rolled your eyes, “am not.”

Though you were, you just didn’t want to give him the opportunity to say that he got you all hot and bothered for him.

“Don’t lie, lying doesn’t look good on such a pretty girl like you.” Johnny spoke from the right side of you, his tongue darting out to lick his lips.

“I bet you’re so soaked right now-” a dark smirk on Ghost’s face. “If you’ve gotten so flustered over just our faces, what’re you going to do when you see the real star of the show?” He looked down at his crotch. You swallowed the lump in your throat.

Something was telling you to just tell them to leave, to try and run but you just just couldn’t.

You slowly stood, the thin blanket that was wrapped around you to hide your breasts fell to the bed, both Simon and Johnny’s eyes on your beautiful figure.

You didn’t know why you were doing this, something inside you just clicked and now, here you are. You placed your dainty hand on Simon’s cheek feeling his incredibly soft skin. You felt him tense up under your touch as he was in a zone for a second. That was until you placed your lips on his, tasting vanilla.

It took him a second to catch on, his lips beginning to move against yours. Though, neither of you were going slow. It was like you pressed your lips against his, it took him as second to realize what was going on and boom, his tongue was dancing against yours and your teeth were nipping his bottom lip.

His big hands roamed down your silk skin until he reached your ass, which he firmly gripped on, his nails clawing at the sensitive skin. You whimpered into his mouth sending him into a whole new attitude.

He came here for a reason. He wouldn’t tell you yet but he was thinking this was much better than any reason he could think of.

Your pussy throbbed as you felt his hardening cock straining against his jeans, pressed against your stomach.

He was fighting back a groan as you slipped your free hand underneath his jacket, feeling up his hard abdomen. It felt like a brick, god you hadn’t known he was this fit.

He pulled away from the kiss with a hearse bite to your bottom lip, a small whimper leaving your kiss swollen lips. His lips were a dark red from the kiss, eyes still a glowing brown color.

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” Ghost mumbles to you, his hands still gripping onto your ass. You nod rather quickly, never trusting yourself more than now. You didn’t care about the outcome, you just needed him and Soap, obviously.

A sinister smirk makes its way onto his delicious lips, his big hand delivering a harsh smack to your ass. Johnny watches as it jiggles, his mouth watering. He couldn’t wait to devour you.

“You made a big mistake fucking with me, babydoll, know I guess you’ll have to deal with the consequences. Get on your knees.” Simon whispers into your ear, slapping your almost redend ass once more before you obey, dropping to your knees at his command.

He takes off his jacket and shirt finally revealing his extremely fit body. You’d get to take off your panties but you could feel the wetness of your arousal leaking onto your thighs as you prepped yourself onto your knees.

You reach up to unbuckle Simon’s pants which he lightly slaps your hands away. “Hands behind your back.”

You were melting in excitement, biting down hard on your bottom lip as he undid his belt buckle, dropping down his jeans. Your heart dropped to your stomach when your eyes landed on his bulge. You could tell just from behind the cloth of his boxers, he was huge.

Simon chuckles as you stared at his bulge, his dick twitching in anticipation. Your eyes widened as he pulled down his boxers, his cock springing out. He was hard, precum leaking from his swollen tip. Your mouth watered. God you just wanted to taste him.

“Look at you,” he spoke, his husky voice sending chills down your spine, “on your knees for someone you claim to hate more than anything. You don’t look like you hate me, baby girl.”

You couldn’t even talk back. You didn’t want to. You just wanted him.

“You wanna suck my cock, don’t you?” He teased, your cheeks hit as you felt his hot stare.

Soap was on your bed, palming against himself through his boxers. He discarded his pants long ago, waiting for Ghost’s orders. He knew better than to touch you without permission.

You nodded slowly, hips wiggling in eager excitement.

“Beg for it.” He whispered, pursing his lips as he stroked his cock, mere inches away from your face.

You pouted slowly, knowing he wasn’t gonna give in unless you obeyed.

“Please, Simon, please.” you practically begged, your voice coming just above a whisper.

“Please, what?”

“Please let me suck your cock” you whined softly, your lips pouty once again.

Simon nodded, stepping forward just a bit so his cock was pressing against your lips. You opened your mouth slightly, his dick coming between your lips to rest on your flattened tongue. “I think you know what to do.” He murmured, his hands resting behind his neck as he peered down at you.

You greedily took in his cock, lips wrapping around the thickness. He was easily the biggest you’ve ever seen. His cock hits the back of your throat rather quickly, a small gag coming from you.

“Slow down, doll, there’s plenty of time to be greedy.” He laughed. He noticed Soap on the bed and you on your knees and got the best idea.

“Johnny.” He called out, a bit breathless from the way your lips are wrapped around him. “How would you like to taste her?”

You and Soap both widened your eyes, your hands coming up to wrap around the remainder of Simon’s cock.

You didn’t see Johnny’s reaction but from the shuffling you heard behind you, you knew he’d agreed.

You see Ghost behind you, a smirk on his lips as you paused, confused as to what’s going on. Two hands were placed on your hips, lifting up just a little as Ghost slid underneath you.

It took a minute before you realized your knees were on either side of his face, your clothed pussy directly above his face. He winked at you, before pulling your panties to the side blowing cool air onto your dripping cunt.

Shivering at the contact, goosebumps began to form on your skin. You were staring down at Johnny as he slowly licked a stripe up your wet slit, a moan escaping your lips. You craved this kind of attention and now, you were getting it.

Johnny kept eye contact as he continued licking up and down your cunt in teasing motions. You were focused on him before a light slap was delivered to your cheek, resulting in you looking up in shock at Simon.

“I don’t think I told you to stop, angel.” He spoke, your lips instantly wrapping around his cock once again. He signed, his hips thrusting up a little at the contact.

Simon watched as you fluttered your eyelashes up at him, taking his cock into your mouth as far as you could. You began to bob your head up and down on this thick cock, a small groan escaping his lips.

You whimpered around his cock as Soap finally stopped teasing, wrapping his lips around your clit. Your nails dug into Simon’s thighs, sure to leave marks. Johnny began to suck on your clit, causing a small moan to vibrate against Ghost’s cock once again.

“Fuck, she’s so wet Simon.” Soap practically groans against your cunt, his lips attaching themselves around your clit once again. His teeth graze over the sensitive nub, causing you to jolt in both pleasure and sensitivity, all while Simon’s cock is still in your mouth.

Simon stares down at you, admiring the way you look below him. His hands come down to move a stray hair out of your face so he can have the perfect view.

Johnny on the other hand, loves the way your pussy is dripping at his contact, teasing a finger at your throbbing hole. You moan around Simon’s cock, your hands moving up and down his thick cock along with your mouth, quiet slurping sounds both coming from both you and Soap.

“What would everyone think if they knew their favorite news reporter was on her knees for me, sucking me off like the good little whore that she is?” You moaned at his words. You couldn’t think of a response, only took him deeper into your throat.

Ghost chuckled softly, “let’s see how far you can go, sweetheart.”

It was a matter of seconds before he was gripping at your hair, harshly pulling it into a makeshift ponytail. His hips began to thrust into your face, his cock sliding in and out of your mouth at a rather rough pace. You blinked your eyes up at him, tears threatening to spill as you gagged around his cock.

You loved being manhandled, it drove you the good kind of nuts.

A tight groan emitted from Simon’s lips, his eyes clenched shut as he continued throat fucking you. Johnny’s finger decided to stop teasing, slipping into your tight cunt, a loud muffled moan coming from you. His teeth nibbled at your clit, finger pumping in and out of you slowly. Your hips rolled against his face, wanting more.

Tears streamed down your cheeks as Ghost continued to thrust, eyes now open and peering down into yours like the devil himself. He bit his bottom lip as he continued, his cock twitching in your throat. He was close and so were you.

Soap added another finger into your throbbing cunt , your walls clenching around him on instinct. He groaned against your clit, reaching up to slap it lightly. You shuttered, Simon’s cock cutting off your airflow as you focused on getting him off. Two more harsh thrusts and he still hadn’t cum yet, simply pulling out as you coughed a little, a string of his precum and saliva connecting from his cock to your mouth.

“I’m not cumming yet unless it’s in your pussy, understand?” He simply spoke, turning his attention to your body.

You nodded looking down at Johnny as you attempt to catch your breath. Your hips wiggled on his face as you rubbed your clit against his flattened tongue. His fingers curled inside of you, a cracked moan coming from you once again.

Simon leaned down, pulling your hands away so he could focus on your breasts. “Let me see these pretty tits, baby.” He smirked, his face coming down to blow hot air against your hardened nipples.

“mhmm please.” You whimpered, speaking to Simon. He mumbled something about “impatient angel” but then wrapped his lips around one of your nipples. You moaned, your hands digging into his brown locks. You tugged at the soft strands as his teeth grazed over the hard nub.

He chuckled against your breasts as Johnny began sucking on your clit, gripping your hips to keep you still.

You were so close, so on edge. You threw your head back as your orgasm approached, your legs trembling as you whimpered.

but then it all stopped.

Simon stood and Johnny stopped, sliding you up to have you stand. You whined softly, a smirk plastered on both of their perfect faces.

“You didn’t really think we were going to let you cum, did you?” Ghost asked seriously, looking at you and then at Soap.

“You naughty girl, naughty girls don’t get rewarded, you know.” Johnny spoke softly, licking his fingers which were still dripping in your arousal. He urged a finger to Simon, in which he wrapped his lips around sucking your juices off Johnny’s fingers.

“Sweet.” He whispered, his eyes darkening once again.

You looked to Soap who had a wet spot in the middle of his boxers where his cock still stood, straining against the fabric. You realized he hadn’t been touched at all.

You began to walk towards him, legs trembling slightly from the lack of your orgasm. Ghost eyed you up and down, not yet finished with you. He saw you walk to Johnny but just watched. He wanted to see what you were going to do.

You dropped down to your knees in front of Soap, his eyes widening a bit as he looked to Ghost for approval. Simon nodded, a smirk on his lips. Your throat was still sore from Simon but you wanted this. You wanted to make Johnny feel good just like he had you.

Johnny smirked as he looked down at you, tears stained on your cheeks. He didn’t plan on going slow, and he just hoped you were prepared.

Your hands took down his boxers, his cock spilling out. He wasn’t as big as Simon but still one of the biggest. His cock was red at the tip, covered in precum. You licked your lips as you pressed his dick to your lips, kissing it before opening your mouth.

Simon watched, stroking his cock softly.

Johnny instantly groaned, he deserved this. He knew he had to. He was as patient as ever, finally getting what he wanted.

You bring your hand up to stroke him as you sucked softly at his cock, paying most attention to the throbbing tip. You moaned out as you rubbed your thighs together, trying to gain just the tiniest bit of friction. Soap noticed and chuckled, his hands tugging your hair softly.

"Look at you, eager little slut aren't you?" Johnny teased, thrusting his hips to meet your set pace. "you need to be touched that badly?"

You moaned at his words, absolutely loving his dirty talk.

"Johnny, don't be easy on her." Simon spoke from a few feet away, watching the events that took place.

Soap nodded, groans escaping his lips as he picked up the pace, his cock sliding further down your throat. you moaned, preparing yourself for this once again.

You hummed as his cock slid in and out of your mouth, sending good vibrations onto his thick length. He gripped your hair whispering something about "such a good girl" and "love the way you're sucking my cock."

You felt tears pricking your eyes again as he thrusted in and out of your mouth, your teeth softly grazing against his cock. he whimpered at the contact, driving you wild.

The room was filled with your gagging and slurping sounds along with Soap’s whimpers and occasional groans.

He was groaning when you felt a pair of hands grasping on to your hips, your lips disconnecting from Johnny’s cock.

Simon’s hands dug so hard into your hips, you knew there'd be bruises. Johnny whined from the loss of contact and you smirked. now he knew how it felt to be denied.

"bend over, hands behind your back." Simon ordered you onto the bed, leading to you obeying him. you slid off your panties before bending over the bed, arching your back so they could get a good view of your pussy.

Simon inhaled deeply as he stared at you, spread out for him and waiting. he ordered Johnny to get underneath you once again, to which he also obeyed him.

You knew something was going on between the two. Maybe they were an item.

Soap looked up at you, completely naked underneath you. He admired your soft features and actually took in your beauty.

Graves was right, you truly were a beauty.

You felt Simom come up from behind you, his hands rubbing your ass softly. "i'm going to fuck you, prep you for both of our cocks. understand?"

You nodded softly, staring into Soap’s eyes as v spoke. "Words beautiful, words."

"Yes Simon." you replied, your voice cracking. you were dripping again, so damn horny and all because of them.

You whimpered as Simon’s ock slid against your slit, lathering his tip in your arousal. Johnny tilted your chin and began peppering kisses against your jaw as Simon continued to tease.

"You have such a pretty pussy, shame 'm gonna wreck it." Simon huskily spoke, before sliding his cock into your tight walls. you clenched instinctively around his cock, a loud moan escaping your lips.

"Fuckk." Simon groaned out, his hands placed on your hips. Johnny leaned up to place his lips against yours, muffling your moans of both pain and pleasure.

Ghost didn't wait for you to adjust. He continued to thrust in and out, slowly building up his pace. Johnny’s tongue slid against yours, his kiss being much more soft than Ghost's.

"You're so tight, babydoll."

Soap took in your bottom lip as you pulled back to moan softly, sucking it harshly. "oh fuck, S-Simon." you moaned out, his cock already wrecking you.

He was hitting spots never hit before, your cunt throbbing around him. "so warm and tight, my little slut." Simon groaned, his hand coming down to slap your ass.

You closed your eyes, his cock slamming in and out of you. Johnny’s hand slapped your face, "Eyes open Princess."

You stared down at him as his cock began to rub against your clit. " 'm gonna need to feel that pussy." he mumbled against your lips as he pressed his lips against yours once again.

"C'mon Johnny, fuck her with me." Simon demanded, his hand gripping the reddening flesh of your ass.

Soap didn't need to be told twice. His cock was sliding against Johnny's as he entered you, All three of you letting out delicious moans. "Fucking hell, Johnny." Simon groaned, biting down on his bottom lip. Soap slid in, balls deep wondering how you were able to fit the both of them inside of you. You looked so tiny.

His eyes rolled back as he felt you clench around the both of them. Johnny began to kiss you again, loving the taste of himself in your mouth. He loved how dirty it was.

"Look at little miss news reporter, taking two criminal cocks at once? you're such a dirty slut y/n, aren't you?" Simon spoke, his voice booming.

When you didn't reply, he slapped your ass making you whimper, "Aren't you?"

You broke away from Soap’s kiss, nodding instantly. "Yes, all for you."

They both grinned cockily, Simon’s hand grabbing a handful of your hair. He guided you back onto both of their cocks by your hair, your hips slamming onto the both of them.

You moaned as they hit deep, knowing all three of you won't last much longer. "you're taking our cocks so well princess. you're loving this, huh?" Johnny questioned you, his minty breath hot against your face.

"God, yes." you whined, as Johnny began twisting your nipple. He smirked as you became putty for the both of them.

You were so close, with Soap pinching your nipples and both of their cocks thrusting in you at an unbelievably fast pace, you were going to come in a matter of seconds.

"Are you gonna cum, pretty girl?" Simon questioned knowing you were extremely close. You nodded, making both him and Johnny smirk at each other.

“You better beg for it, sweet thing.”

You hummed, knowing you were so close, deciding not to take any chances, you begged.

“Please Simon, J-Johnny. Let me cum, please. I need to cum.” you pleaded, your voice coming out a whiny mess.

Ghost and Soap nodded at each other in approval before they both leaned into your ear, biting your lobes softly. “Cum.”

That was all it took for you to throw your head back, your cunt clenching around both of their cocks, one of them hitting your g-spot in the process. you moaned loudly, an ear piercing moan as Johnny sucked a hickey onto your neck, coaxing you through your orgasm.

Your pussy clenching rapidly was all it took for the both of them to cum, inside of you, lathering your walls with their cum.

They both whimpered and groaned as they came undone in you, against each other.

You were all sweaty messes as Simon pulled out of you first, his fingers collecting some of him, yours and Johnny’s cum, licking it off his fingers.

Hottest fucking sight ever.

Soap pulled out of you next, a small whimper coming from his pink swollen lips.

Simon looked a little worried as he turned you to face him. “We’re obviously not gonna kill ya, but ‘fa the love of Christ do not tell Graves about this.”

© FUCKINRILEY, 2022 | do not copy, steal, or translate my work and share to any other platform.

[nedolu]

I never actually post things on here, usually just reblog, but I need to get this out my system. On Saturday morning my mom woke me up to tell me that our 25 year old cat Saki was paralyzed from the waist down. She can still feel and we know this because she had this little spot on the base of her tail that will make her start licking like crazy, and she did. She’s not in pain because we can touch her and move her around and she doesn’t meow in pain. We’ve decided that the best thing to do is to bring her to the vet on Monday to have her put to sleep as her quality of life isn’t where it should be. Don’t get me wrong she’s old as dirt and has had issues where we thought she was sick or dying but it passed. It’s very heartbreaking and hard for both my mom and I but I can also tell that our other pets are noticing which makes it even harder. I figured maybe the best way to cope is to let to world know about her by telling her story.

On a cold winter morning in December of 2012 (and I mean early like 3-4am) my mom went out said to smoke a cigarette and something black darted inside the house. She went to go look for it and it was a cat. I remember being awake on the couch watching YouTube on the Xbox 360 because around that time I was diagnosed with insomnia and my older sibling was screaming at the top of the stairs because they used to be afraid of cats. My mom the next day took the cat to the vet the next day and she had a microchip. It said she was from a small town 1.5 hours away so she drove to Saki’s old vet there. There she found out that she used to be own by an old lady that had passed away. She was given to relatives but I guess they decided that they couldn’t take care of her so they drove her to our neighborhood, dumped her outside, and drove away. Somehow she was outside our house at the right time. My mom also found out that Saki used to be a show cat and had also been bred out so she no longer could have kittens. Also that she had just turned 13 being born in December, 1999. She’s always been super loving always wanting to be held or pet and always purring.

She looked like a kitten here but I promise she was already elderly.

In 2021 one of my old friends said that their friend’s cat had kittens and asked if I wanted one because they needed to get rid of them. So we picked up two dirty flea ridden kittens and brought them home. We didn’t know how Saki would react as she was already 21 and was starting to decline because she was diagnosed with cat dementia a few years ago prior. Little did we knew she bounced back and took to the kittens like they were her own.

As I write this my two kittens have grown into cats and Saki is laying on the bed sleeping peacefully after having a full belly. I’m dreading tomorrow but I know it is inevitable as no one can stop the future from coming. We have given her plenty of treats and love the past two days. I’ll miss you forever my grandma saki. You were truly a cat like no other.

Hugs your pets a little tighter today for me

[masterwords]

a fine line

This WIP has been sitting in my drafts forever waiting for...something. And I don't have that something, so it's just here. Hotch's injuries after Perotta should have been a little more extensive, and I can't be held responsible for putting Morgan in a situation to help him out. (2.2k messy, pointless, choppy and unedited words)

**

“Aaron?” Haley asked, swiping her hand over the once warm place he'd occupied in their bed. It was rumpled enough that she knew he had come to bed. Later than her, she'd been there hours before he came home, and now he was gone again. “Aaron?”

Silence. At first, but after a moment she could hear him in the bathroom. The shower was running, hot steam filtering slowly beneath the door. She thought about getting up, checking on him, but it was 4am. He was probably being called in and he hated to be bothered while he got ready for work. There was a certain routine he insisted on in order to prepare himself for the work he would have to do, the things he would have to stomach, the pieces of his soul he would have to guard. He had to set his mind right, block out everything that made him human.

They had argued plenty over it. She only wanted to help, to make him coffee or breakfast, help him in some way. Be part of it instead of always being on the outside. But she couldn't, and at a certain point she stopped trying. So, with one fearful glance at the closed bathroom door, she lay back down and pushed her face beneath the covers to go back to sleep. His side of the bed smelled like him and she would have to be content with that for now.

Jack woke while he attempted to drink a cup of coffee. Just a diaper change and a bottle, both of them managed to stay entirely silent so Haley could stay sleeping. It was both the most and the least he could do in his condition. Jack was a baby, he didn't need conversation, he needed action.

He managed to slip out of the house before she woke again, his starched and stiff collar high on his neck, tie pulled tight. The bruises, Perotta's marks, had deepened in the hours since the junkyard. His neck was flooded nearly black with bruises, one deep red pressure cut slicing through the middle garish and mad. Walking from his car to the front door, his mouth filled with saliva and the thought of swallowing it nearly brought tears to his eyes. He'd been spitting into a cup for the last few hours, the swelling in his throat finally reaching the point that swallowing was nearly out of the question. But he couldn't spit into a coffee cup in front of Quantico so he forced himself to swallow and nearly cried for the pain of it. His grip on the coffee cup tightened while he rode the elevator, while the saliva once again built up with nowhere to go but down or out. If he wasn't careful, he'd be sick, and then he'd really be in for it.

Gritting his teeth, he made his way from the elevator to his office without more than a good morning wave at the few people who were in earlier than he was. They probably had actual work to do, he was just hiding his injury from his wife. Home only long enough to sleep for a couple of hours. She wasn't going to understand this one, not with a new baby at home. It was a miracle he'd managed to come home and leave without Jack crying and waking Haley, and he knew he couldn't do it again.

He would have to find a way to make it seem better than it was.

The hum of the fan in his office was calming. His heart beat in time with its quiet rhythm and he popped the top off of the coffee cup to spit inside, praying no one would come and witness it. He was lucky, just barely got the lid back on before Gideon sped by with a quick glance and a wave. Anyone else and they might have stopped to chat, but even if Gideon had figured him out, seen what he was doing, he doubted very much that he would stop and inquire. Close call. He set the coffee cup on his desk and settled into his seat. There had to be something he could do to entertain his mind, focus him on something other than the strangling pain in his throat.

Garcia showed up with donuts, the giant pink box filling her arms to the brim. Maple bars, pink sprinkles, chocolate, all the classics. His stomach growled just thinking about that glazed blueberry cake donut right there in front. She was holding the box open and indicating it, like she'd picked it out just for him. “Sir?” she asked, curious at the look of desire on his features but his lack of motion. “The blueberry one is most definitely for you. The last one they had.”

He'd already attempted talking, just to himself in the car, and there was no way he could do it without coming under instant scrutiny. His voice was strangely crushed sounding, gruff and breathy, air through a bent straw. So he just smiled and reached out for the donut, placing it on the napkin she'd put on the desk for him and trying to force the words “Thank you” out as quickly and evenly as he could. She caught it, just briefly, but didn't know him well enough to say anything. He was intimidating enough with his frown set, that deep crease between his eyebrows that told her not now, maybe not ever...so she smiled at him and closed the box.

“You are ever so welcome, sir,” she said a little quieter, a little more serious before turning and leaving. Maybe she would talk to Derek, he seemed to be the only one who ever talked to Hotch with any sort of confidence. Sometimes it was uncomfortable to watch, the way he stood up to Hotch's orders, questioned them either in public or in private, but there was something there. Some mutual respect or admiration, so when he did that...Hotch listened. He may not always side with Derek when all was said and done, but he would always give Derek the floor and to Garcia that spoke volumes. So, with her box of donuts, she made the rounds until she ended at his desk.

“Hey, you,” she said, leaning against his desk. “You want some sugar?”

“Not during office hours, hun,” he replied, swirling around in his chair and waggling his eyebrows at her. “Ohhh you got maple bars!”

“Nuh-uh, that last one is for boss man's afternoon snack. You know how he gets when he has meetings through the lunch hour...I got you the chocolate with sprinkles.”

Derek scrunched his nose and frowned, but in the end he only shrugged it off and grabbed the chocolate frosted donut gladly. Any donut was better than no donut. In truth, he doubted very much that Hotch would feel like eating that or any donut after the junkyard but Garcia didn't know that, she didn't watch it happen. He was waiting for the right time to approach him about it, and watching Gideon breeze past Hotch's office told him that time hadn't come yet. If Gideon didn't think it appropriate, he would wait too.

Until Garcia opened her mouth. She leaned forward and in a hushed whisper that made the hair stand up on the back of his neck, she spoke. “I don't think he's okay,” she started, flicking one finger against a crumb of frosting stuck in the corner of Derek's lips. “Can you check on him? Please?”

“Babygirl,” he sighed, shoving the last bite of the donut he'd made very short work of into his mouth. “If he's in bad shape after last night, he'll wanna be left alone for a while. He's here in the office, that's something.”

“Not enough,” she huffed indignantly, pushing the giant box at Derek's chest. One final donut remained. “Take this up to him later. That's your excuse.” He rolled his eyes but there was no telling that woman no, so he agreed. He'd go up in a bit, give Hotch time to settle into his day. Curiously, he clicked around until he was in Hotch's schedule, he had full access to it as his lead, as his former partner, and usually all he did was add things to it but slowly he poked around finding things he could pull off instead. A consult here, a deposition request there, until his schedule looked light enough that they might have time for a chat in a bit. Sure, Derek had his own work to do, but Elle and Spencer didn't look too busy so he was able to pass things on down the line.

“Hey, Hotch, you got a minute?” Derek asked, just after the lunch hour, after an entire day of tooling around without seeing Hotch leave his office one time. Not even for a quick bathroom break. Hotch nodded and slipped his hand around the coffee cup on his desk, sliding it out of the way. As if Derek wouldn't immediately notice the shift, the slight movement, and frown.

“You go to the doctor like Gideon told you to?”

Hotch glowered, his eyebrows dangerously close together. “No,” he rasped, his hand immediately flying to his throat without any thought. The sharp burst of pain at the first word he'd spoken since thanking Garcia was shocking and if he'd been standing, he might have found himself more than a little weak in the knees. Derek didn't need any other evidence before shutting the door behind him and entering Hotch's office completely.

“Let me see.”

He set the maple bar down beside the untouched blueberry donut and came around Hotch's desk, leaning his hips there casually. He reached out slowly, and backed up just a little when he caught the slightest hint of a flinch, like he was afraid. It was gone as fast as it came, and if Derek was anyone else he might blurt something out, mention it, but Derek had experience. He'd been there through others, he'd held his hand in the ambulance after Bale, he understood deeply. So he pressed forward until his lithe fingers tugged gently at the knot in the tie, loosening it just enough that he could unbutton the stiff collar on his shirt. Immediately he found himself faced with a sight he wasn't prepared for, the brutality of it immense. He ached to go back in time, the pressure of the gun in his hands, a direct line of sight to Perotta's forehead. One bullet, right between the eyes, and this damage might not be so bad.

But this was his failure. He listened to Gideon, and he let this happen. “Hotch,” he whispered, his fingers lightly dancing over the other man's jaw, trying to get a view of each angle. “I'm so sorry. I shoulda shot that bastard. I had him in my sights.”

“You did...” Hotch rasped and Derek shook his head, pressing his thumbs lightly around Hotch's adams apple just to see. He had some limited EMT training from his days with Chicago PD, and he was rusty but it was better than the nothing Hotch was willing to consent to outside of this office. The swelling was obvious, he could feel it with barely any pressure. “Gideon's orders.”

Derek scoffed. It was a little louder than he intended and he saw the corner of Hotch's lips tick upward in a small attempt at a smile. Derek loved Gideon in his own way, but he didn't like him much tehse days and he certainly didn't trust his judgment. Maybe he hadn't since Boston. “Yeah, well...”

“It's okay Derek.”

“No, it's not,” Derek said quieter, lifting Hotch's jaw to feel beneath the sharp angles. Hotch didn't fight him, didn't move a muscle. Breathing hurt enough that he was on the verge of tears with every swallow, every breath in, so arguing with Derek felt more than a little out of the question.

“Alright. Alright, I'll stop beating myself up if you stop talking...deal?”

Hotch kept up his end of the bargain, but Derek did not. He couldn't let it go. Slowly, carefully, he opened Hotch's collar the rest of the way and told him to wait a moment. Out and back in a flash, straight to the freezer for an ice pack and a cup of ice chips, then the door was closed once again. The ice pack was rested gently against his neck, against the worst of the bruises, and he let Derek hold it there for just a minute before Hotch took it in his own hand and breathed frigid relief against the cooling of his fevered skin.

“Haley must not know yet, huh? Otherwise I doubt you'd be here right now...”

Hotch couldn't help smirking and shrugging, met with only a nod of understanding.

Derek nudged the cup of crushed ice and the spoon in Hotch's direction with a smirk. “Betcha skipped breakfast...and lunch.”

Ice chips. He was starving and Derek had ice chips for him. “You want me to run out for some ice cream or something? I could use a reason to get outta here.”

Hotch smiled and nodded, still not eager to talk. Derek doesn't need him to say a word, but before he left Hotch pushed both donuts in Derek's direction. Getting to have the coveted maple bar didn't feel quite as good now, not while he was sitting here in Hotch's office being given the strangest silent treatment of his life. The first time he'd ever demanded it. But he did enjoy those donuts while he sat there in silence thinking about putting a bullet in Perotta's skull.

Right between the eyes. Pow.

[leoinjapan]

A week in Colombia

Day 1

i arrived at El Dorado Airport at 4am, having slept not that great on a six-hour overnight flight from Toronto. my friend had booked me a taxi straight from the airport to her apartment; taxis here are really cheap, around 4 pounds to get across the entire city. Uber is also widely used here, although you should sit in the front seat as they are not actually allowed in Bogotá. apartments in Bogotá are really well protected, with different security measures to keep you safe. first i napped for a few hours and then had a delicious vegan bowl made by my friend's lovely mom. then my friend showed me around her neighbourhood, Chapinero, a historically queer district in north Bogotá. i learned how Colombia is a really queer and trans-friendly country, where gay marriage is legal and trans people have complete right of self-determination to change their documents, even with non-binary options, as well as gender-affirming healthcare!

for lunch my friend treated me to patacones, a mashed plantain baked to a crisp and topped with delicious toppings. she also showed me some awesome bookstores, such as Nada and Tornamesa. i tried delicious local chocolate from Fruto de Cacao. the weather was amazing at around 23 degrees celcius, not too sunny but pleasantly warm with no wind. luckily i did not suffer immediately from the altitude sickness that many tourists get when they arrive, as Bogotá is the highest capital city above sea level in the world.

we went back to watch a documentary about Lemebel, a queer icon in latin america (my friend was scandalized i had not heard of him). then i napped a bit more, which was a mistake; i woke up feeling so sick that i couldn't eat!

then we went to Theatron, latin america's biggest queer club. the streets that were empty before came alive with music and thousands of people. we had hotdogs from Nomáda Bogotá which were lovely, but sadly i was too sick to eat. Theatron has over 15 rooms with different types of music and live shows, and a capacity of over 6000. entry is less than £10 on saturdays (cheaper on other days) and includes a drink (gatorade for me)! my friend tells me more and more straight people come to the club now, but it was still very queer-friendly and one of the coolest club experiences i have ever had.

Day 2

for lunch my friend took me to a delicious vegan restaurant that does all traditional Colombian food, called Maria Candela. i tried ajiaco, a Bogotán dish of a herbal soup made with different kinds of local potatoes and chicken. it was so yummy, cheap and super filling!

i then went on a general tour of Bogotá hosted by Beyond Colombia. the guide was super enthusiastic and taught me so many things i didn't know about Colombia. we walked around important sights in its history, tasted the local traditional alcohol called chicha (fermented corn and sugar), and walked around the iconic La Candelária district. it was so colourful, full of street art and intricate crafts.

we then went to see Past Lives (again) at the cinema. the cinema quality was amazing, and the popcorn tasted really good! during Oscars season, you can get a pass to all the Oscars movies in february.

Day 3

in the morning i took an Uber to the bottom of the Monserrate, a mountain in Bogotá. it costs about £6 for a return journey on the cable car up the mountain to its peak, where you will find a church, a tourist market, and some restaurants. you can hike up the mountain yourself, but it takes around 2 hours. on the holy week, people walk up barefoot or on their knees on a sacrificial pilgrimage up the mountain to the church. in the church is the Black Madonna, based on the same iconic statue on the Montserrat mountain in Catalonia.

(this is also when i found out i got into the university of tokyo starting in april!)

it was super foggy on the 3000 metre high mountain and we could barely see the city. it started to pour with rain and my umbrella was not enough. unfortunately i got cold and wet without a coat, and was also exposed to high levels of UV up on the mountain, which led me to develop a fever later that evening...

i tried a bit of coca tea on the mountain. in Colombia and other countries in the Andes mountain range, people have been consuming coca leaves for centuries. coca tea contains a small amount of cocaine with mild stimulant effects, much like caffeine in coffee, and is completely harmless. Colombians use it to cure altitude sickness, nausea, and other stomach upsets.

i took my friends i made on the tour to Maria Candela again and i tried frijolada, which is a wholesome bean soup that i really loved. after that, i went to the Botero Museum/MAMU which has some really unique art from international artists, paintings by the iconic Colombian painter Botero, and a current exhibition highlighting indigenous culture and art (all in Spanish). it's free to visit so i definitely recommend going!

when my friend heard i felt sick, she took me to get aguapanela. panela is unrefined sugar, which you put in hot water for a nice soothing beverage. the Bogotá tradition is to put pieces of cheese in it, let them melt and then eat them! since i'm vegan i had it with bread. it was very delicious

Day 4

i had a restless night with my fever and decided to stay at home for the day. my tour guide even cancelled, so it felt like a sign not to go anywhere.

my friend's mom was an absolute angel and made me delicious vegan food and hot drinks and before long i felt a lot better

Day 5

in the morning i went on a war and peace-themed walking tour, also operated by Beyond Colombia. our guide was super knowledgeable, condensing centuries' worth of history into three hours. i learned so much about Colombia's recent history and controversies and i highly recommend this tour.

after that, i went to the Gold Museum (or Museo del Oro), which houses pre-Hispanic golden artefacts. in the indigenous culture, gold represented the sun and did not have monetary value; it was used in crafting and often offered back to nature. El Dorado is not a place, but an ancient ritual in which gold is thrown into the water, particularly a large lake near Bogotá; the Spanish dug up a lot of it and melted it into gold bars, but this museum still holds a large collection of 35,000, which is still only about 1% of the original artifacts that have been sacrificed in the ritual over the millennia.

at the end of the day my friend invited me to a collage-making workshop, which was really fun and therapeutic!

Day 6

at 8am in the morning, i took an Uber to the Paloquemao fruit market, where i was to have an AirBnB Experiences tour with my friend's brother, Victor. i was stunned by the amount of fruit i had never seen before. i tried different avocados, guavas, berries, cactus fruit, melons, and more. my favourite was the guanabana, or custard apple, which tastes exactly like custard!

the market is also full of beautiful flowers, vegetables, souvenirs and all sorts. i recommend visiting, though take an Uber as apparently it is not in the safest of neighborhoods.

in the evening i went to the National Museum, which houses an impressive amount of information about Colombian history. there are currently a few exhibitions about indigenous cultural revival. i was most excited to see a small exhibition about Las Traviesas, a collective of displaced indigenous trans women in Colombia, which was a beautiful and inspiring display of art.

towards the end of my visit, i developed a migraine. i got a tasty dinner at Wok and then went home to recover. thank you again to my friend and her mom for taking care of me!

on the day there was a big protest in the city centre in support of the current president. it's better to try and avoid the city centre when there are big protests.

Day 7

me and my friend went on a day trip to Villa de Leyva, a town north of Bogotá in the beautiful Boyacá region, famous for its emeralds. the bus trip took between 4 and 5 hours each way.

the town is absolutely gorgeous, full of cobbled streets and old colonial architecture. it was more touristy than Bogotá, with lots of tourist shops and some tasty food options. i got gelato made with tamarind and tajín (chilli flakes). for lunch, we went to La Maria Bistro which had an incredible brocolli dish that was the best thing i've eaten in a long while.

we went to Casa Terracota, the world's largest ceramic structure. it took 15 years for the architect to bake the house, during which it fell down three times. the construction was incredible and it was a very unique experience. usually the tour is only in spanish, but the guide did a great job translating it to english for me. the crazy thing was that he did his study abroad in Paignton, which is the town next to my hometown!

Day 8

on the last day, my friend and i went into the city to buy souvenirs for my family. there are tons of tourist shops and stalls in La Candelária, and we did our best research to find out which crafts were authentic. for lunch we want to Maria Candela again as the whole city was having a vegan burger festival with several restaurants participating.

in the afternoon we went to see Perfect Days, a really beautiful japanese movie. the cinema in Bogotá was really nice, with great quality screens and tasty snacks.

in the evening we went to my friend's favourite taco place, Insurgentes. the vibe was great and the tacos were delicious (mostly meat but some vegan).

for our final stop, we went to Chiquita. much smaller than Theatron but with a majority queer crowd, the music was on point and the atmosphere was great. there were even a couple of drag performances which apparently happen every night. i really loved this bar, which had a mixture of 90s/2000s pop and latin pop. i could have stayed there much longer but i had to get home to sleep before my flight at 9am.

i am the first to admit i knew nothing about Colombia (or even South America in general) before coming to Bogotá. i was eager to learn, and yet i learned far more than i ever imagined. Colombia exceeded my expectations 100 times over.

the internet is full of scary stories about Colombia, yet i felt safer here than i ever have in the US, for example. the city is so vibrant, colourful, and creative, full of life and soul. it is also the most queer-friendly capital i have been to, with the most amazing clubs you could imagine.

i learned so much about the history of the country, the language, the food, the art, and the gorgeous nature that's around every corner.

but what makes Colombia so, so great is the people. everybody here was so friendly and made such an effort to make me feel welcome, even though i know barely any Spanish. the city feels so alive with passion, hope, and resistance. i am so, so grateful to my friend Estefanía for taking care of me while i was there, looking after me and showing me the real Bogotá, making sure i knew where to go and what to do. she really is the best of us, and i will never forget her kindness 💕

i am so grateful to her incredible mother as well for nursing me back to health when i was sick!

i would come back to Colombia in a heartbeat, but until then, i have to get on the language apps!

[into-the-center-of-things]

Day 2

July 17, 2024

"violent flush of light—

a bullet ricocheting

from gunmetal clouds"

We hit four states today; in the early AM we hit Arizona, then in the morning/afternoon it was New Mexico, most of the late afternoon and evening was Colorado, and tonight we entered Kansas in midst of a crazy lightning storm.

I will admit, I didn't get more than maybe 2 or 3 hours of sleep. I'm making a mental note to find a better position to sleep in, or to purchase the airplane head pillow thing if I intend to take the train again. I was very uncomfortable and mostly stayed up as late as possible watching the desert unfold until I couldn't keep my eyes open, and by the time I laid across both seats and started drifting off they woke me up and told me that someone was going to be sitting with me at Flagstaff (around 4am).

I was worried at first that it would be with someone I didn't like, or a man. To my delight it was another woman my age. I helped her adjust her seat and said we would chat more in the morning. She fell asleep pretty quickly, I took a bit longer. I woke up around 6:30am, the New Mexico overcast meant the sun didn't wake me up immediately.

My seatmate awoke too and I excused myself to get hot water for my coffee. The cafe attendant was more than happy to give me some, and a lady in the cafe car pointed out to me a very faint rainbow.

You can barely see the rainbow but it's there, I swear!

. . .

We had a brief stop at Gallup NM (sounds like gallop...like the thing horses do...) around 6:40am. It was a good stretch break and there was a mildly comical moment where someone got locked in the bathroom and was knocking quite furiously and shouting "Hey! Hello! Can someone let me out of here? I'm locked in the bathroom...I don't really wanna be stuck in here ))): " in a sad Texan drawl and I fetched one of the conductors to free him.

After that we were headed to Albuquerque, which was where my seatmate was heading. After I shared a yam with her and we made jokes about our shitty instant coffees (where she revealed she and her boyfriend used an expresso machine—very classy) she said she was visiting her family, she lived in Kington for college, she studied psych in undergrad at Northern Arizona University and felt very critical of contemporary usage of outdated psychological concepts and ideas (a lá Freud). Currently she is pursuing social work (also at NAU). It was a wonderful couple of hours of shooting the shit, I felt very comfortable prattling on and on with her, the conversations we had were very funny and I really enjoyed hearing about her perspectives on college and the psychological world. We exchanged Instagrams in the end so hopefully we can stay in touch!

We stopped in Albuquerque around 10:30am and were going to stay there for an hour, which meant it was a perfect time to clean up. After saying good bye to my seatmate I finally washed my face, brushes my teeth, put on deodorant before heading into the sun. I also took advantage of the lull and made a move to pull my luggage from that top shelf and place it somewhere lower and less tight. A lady had to assist me because I was struggling so much. I called her Wonder Woman and she thought it was funny.

When I stepped outside the train I was greeted with a blast of heat cuz man, I forgot how hot and dry it was in the Southwest. I have only been in Nevada and Arizona for a few hours but this reminded me of such. I paced around for about 30 minutes before I got too sweaty and went back in the train. I tried to say hello to a lady sitting at the station but after I declined her offer for a cigarette she (very politely, mind you) asked if I could please leave her alone and not talk to her, so I did.

A lot of people got on and off the train here, I noticed. There were many new faces. A girl close to my age was sitting across the row from me (more on her later) who had a cool jacket and black nail polish like me. A man sat behind me as well. Both discussed their destination being Kansas City because their Chicago train got cancelled, which lead to some confusion from me worrying if it meant I would be stuck in Missouri for two hours but apparently it does not, so whatever.

Anyways, I was approached by a lady who noticed my Pittsburgh Contemporary Poetry collection and asked if I liked Robert Kipling and Li Bai, and started talking about her interest in translations and classic chinese poetry. She (who I will dub Z) left me alone for an hour or so, which I read and wrote and kind of zoned out because New Mexico kind of all looks the same at a certain point and there wasn't really a lot of interesting things to look at. We got to Lamy NM and I barely recall anything about the stop.

Z came back later and talked at me very passionately about poetic translation—she knew how to read Classical Chinese and Cantonese, as well as Esperanto (which is a constructed international auxiliary language—it appeared to be her native language, and she had been attending an Esperanto conference in California, so she's been on the same train as me, and was going to get off at Kansas City). I was really intimidated by her immense knowledge and zeal of poetic language form beyond just meter and stressed syllables—she was interested in the syntax and word-level breakdown of sound and rhythm between translations of different poems in different forms across different languages. How can a poem's original meter be retained across languages? How can a poem's original form be retained across language, especially if that form was tailored to a specific language's sonic conventions? She produced for me some poems she had transcribed, one in Chinese and one in Esperanto, and read them to me with her own translation. She was also able to read the Chinese in some different dialects.

She shared with me work by a renowned Esperanto poet (there appears to be little translated work in that language) and expressed her interest in memorizing poetry as well. Z introduced me to linebyline.app as well as a method for memorizing poems by writing out the first letter of every word in the line. She demonstrated this method with this poem:

She practiced with the method over and over again and I quizzed her a bit until she got it in about 15 or so minutes. The only downside was that a lady yelled at her (and by extension me) for "offensive annoying gibberish" or whatever. I guess hearing the same poem over and over again is kind of annoying, but it wasn't the volume of the conversation but the contents—I guess this lady was a hardcore Christian or something. Hilarious when you consider how many unbothered Amish people we were sharing the car with!

Anyways. Z and I exchanged email and phone numbers so I am going to try to email her some things when I arrive in Chicago. It was raining when we pulled up to Las Vegas (which is not the same as the Las Vegas in Nevada), with some brief flashes of lightning. We got a few flood warnings or two.

This entire time I am observing the Amish couple sitting catty corner with me, because they have been using the flip phone an awful lot. I also noticed that the lady pieced together a salad on a paper plate with different components and a bag of Fritos. I wonder why the Amish are allowed the modern conveniences of plastic ziploc bags and crocs but not glass tupperware? Wouldn't that be more convenient for holding a salad? Just a stray thought.

Wasn't paying too much attention to the outdoors (saw so many cows and horses and deer frolicking in the fields though), was mostly reading and Googling random shit about Amish people. I started another poem which felt pretty good. I refilled my water bottle with the same stupid method.

. . . [To be continued in next post]

[freefallthoughtless]

12 days ago, I overdosed massively. On my prescription medication. I have zero memory of it. I was high on sleeping meds. The last thing I remember is sitting in my bed watching a movie and taking that sleeping pill. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital at 4am, 2 days later, in absolute panic because I could feel my body was fucked. And I had no memory of why I was in hospital, why I felt so awful. A nurse held my hand through a panic attack, but didn’t explain anything. I fought with panic for hours before I passed out again. I woke up around noon. I couldn’t walk or sit up without fainting. A doctor came in and told me they had a room ready for me at the psych ward. And I asked him “am I not already at S5?”. I thought I was, but I also knew I wasn’t, cause the room I was in didn’t look like the psych ward rooms. I asked him why they had painted the doors black and why the bathroom tiles were different than usually.

I asked him why I felt so bad, and he said it was because of the OD. I said “I haven’t od’ed”

But I had. He said it was clearly a suicide attempt but I couldn’t make that make sense, cause I had no memory of feeling suicidal.

He left and I asked a nurse for a charger because my phone battery was dead. And then I passed out again.

When I woke up and checked my phone, I had several messages from my friend Laura, asking me if I was okay. She was the one who had caught on to me not being okay, and she had contacted my support time, and they rang for an ambulance.

I replied saying I was okay. To ease her anxiety. I didn’t feel even close to fine. I was confused, scared and in physical distress still.

Different doctors and nurses came and went, I had trouble talking and thinking, which made communication with them difficult. I was so out of it. I couldn’t pee which they were very concerned about, they thought my kidneys were damaged.

Yet despite me not being able to even sit up, despite me not being able to talk properly, despite me being emotionally fucked as well, they allowed me to discharge myself. I knew I wasn’t ready, but I couldn’t stop worrying because my cat had been alone at home for two days.

My support team came and picked me up, I was in a wheelchair and even then I felt incredibly faint.

I came home. Charlie was perfectly fine. So I went straight to bed and slept for 14 hours. I was still unable to stand for long or walk more than a couple of steps without getting faint the next day. And my pee was dark brown even though I had hydrated myself plenty in hospital.

The daylight hours were okay at home and I spent they day piecing together what had happened. I found the packages from the medication I had od’ed on. I had taken 200mg’s of zolpedim (max dosage a day is 10mg) and 8000mgs of Seroquel (max dosage a day is 1200mg). It’s not the biggest OD I’ve taken, but I’ve never felt worse physically.

In the evening I began feeling suicidal and I got scared.

I ended up getting a doctor out to my apartment to assess me for being admitted to psych. But he said they didn’t have room so I should just take som PRN and relax.

I texted a friend saying I didn’t know what to do about it. She said her and her mom could come pick me up and I could stay with them.

So they did. I felt awful but I finally got some food, the first thing I had eaten in almost 4 days. And then we went to bed. I didn’t sleep a single second, but my friend was next to me, and a dog she was dog-sitting in the bed as well. And I felt okay.

She woke up at 8am the next day and we talked for a few hours, got breakfast and then we decided to nap for a bit and I finally got 4 hours of sleep.

At 3pm I went home. The walk to the bus stop was difficult and I felt so bad physically.

I was stilling peeing dark brown and decided with my support team to go see my doctor the next day to get my kidney function checked. But that evening my pee began getting clearer so I decided not to the next morning.

The next many days I was only in my bed. I slept or daydreamed for a whole week before I got a bit of energy back. I thought I’d never feel energy again.

My cat Charlie was so patient with me. She’s normally very active and vocal, but she just relaxed with me, cuddled with me and slept when I did. And she was so much more affectionate. I’ve never believed cats where that emotionally intuitive, but for that whole week she really was.

The past 3 days I’ve gotten more and more energy by the day, and I feel a lot better, physically and emotionally. It’s a big relief.

I’ve thought a lot about what would’ve happened if Laura hadn’t picked up on me being off when we texted that night.

When I was at my friends house we woke up to the winters first snow. And I thought “I’m lucky I’m around to see this snow”

When Charlie cuddled close to me and let me tuck my arm around her for the first time ever, and I had my head buried in her fur I thought “what would’ve happened to my little cat if I had died at home and she was alone like that”

When I told my closest friend group what had happened I remembered that they once had a talk about me, a few years ago, where they were mentally preparing themselves for losing me and I thought “I’m letting them down and making them feel like that again” and I didn’t bother telling them not to worry about me because how could they not?

When my little brother called and asked why I hadn’t responded for days I lied and said I had just needed good rest. And I remembered how he got PTSD and severe substance abuse issues when our foster mom committed suicide in 2012. And how he would be so alone if I wasn’t around, how I would’ve abandoned him too and I’d never know if he was okay or not.

I remembered I would’ve missed out on Christmas Eve, and how the day after Christmas eve last year was the best day I had had I so long, just laying on mattresses on the floor with my nieces watching tv, our limbs entangled, our fingers in each others hair and sleeping on and off together with Disney movies playing in the background.

I thought of my family and friends at my funeral and I had to stop thinking.

And then I felt so much grief. Because no matter how much I love my life, I still feel like I wasn’t ever meant for being alive. No matter how much I fight, no matter how many good times I have, I’ll always be mentally ill. I’ll always have so much trauma weighing me down. I can’t promise this will never happen again. I’ll always have to toe the line between keeping myself in check and being undeniably sick.

I get better. And then I get worse. Then I fight my way back and feel better. And then I get bad again. And it’s been like that for 15 years.

“I’m getting tired even for a phoenix; always rising from the ashes, mending all her gashes, you might just have dealt the final blow”

It’s strange and incredibly heartbreaking to be so in love with my life, but not thinking I should actually be alive.

I’m not actively suicidal. But I’m also feeling like that’s how I’ll die, tomorrow or in 20 years.

Charlie has come up to me for kisses right now. She’s too intelligent for an orange cat. I love her dearly.

I’ve been trying to process all of this. It’s scary. It hurts. It’s confusing. It makes me want my mom but I don’t have a mom. I’ve never had a real mom. Just pain from the people who had that real role.

That’s a pain like nothing I can explain. Feeling like a little kid, missing something so intensely, but not knowing why cause I’ve never felt like I had that, I can’t put a face to it, a scent to it, a memory to it, a real feeling to it. But it doesn’t stop the longing from saturating me.

I have so many incredible, loving and supportive people in my life. I’m rich on people. But the real deep feelings I always take care of myself. I’m best at taking in love when I’m okay. The bad stuff can only go away when I tough it out or daydream of being loved.

And why daydream of being loved to pieces like I’m not? Because I am. I can think of maybe 40 or 50 people who would be heartbroken that I’m gone. There’s so so many people in this world who can’t even think of 1. I’m devastatingly lucky in that sense, like I can’t even believe. I don’t feel lonely. I’m never more than a text or a phone call from so many people who would drop everything to help. But I rarely ask for help with anything emotional unless I’m piss drunk. Call it foster kid damage. But that’s an entirely different subject.

So. Truth is I could’ve very well died. And I can’t even remember why.

It’s almost Christmas, almost new years. And I feel horrible and relived at the same time. And doomed. More than anything, I feel doomed.

What happens now? Who am I now? Why does it feel like something important has shifted that I can’t define?

I want to live. But something in me has already given up.

[fringing-with-mr-dennis]

Catching up on some rest

Day 8

August 6, 2023

It’s Sunday evening here—almost 9:00—it’s just now beginning to look like “dusk.”  There was a soft drizzle late this afternoon, and then the sun came out and the sky looked gorgeous!

We had the day off today which means I woke up promptly at 6:30 this morning . . . and, yes, I got on the computer and did some work, had some breakfast and some tea and then went back to bed at 10:00 and slept for two more hours. HA!  (Still working on that sleep pattern).

This particular flat on the 4th floor has 8 bedrooms—each with its own toilet and shower--thus, I share with seven other people.

At the end of the hall is a larger common room with sofas and coffee table, two refrigerators, two stoves/ovens and two sinks.

The bathroom has a timed/motion-sensor light, so the minute the door opens, the light/fan comes on immediately.  And, it’s on a 5-minute timer, so, without any activity, it will stay on for five minutes before it goes off automatically.  Usually, in the shower, I get the part when I start shaving my face and the room goes black—yes, I keep the door open so it doesn’t go totally dark. Of course, that also means that when this old man has that 4AM call to pee, there’s no way to sneak into the room with eyes partially shut hoping against hope sleep will return when the business has ended—it’s like opening the fridge—no way to keep it a secret from anyone!  Though, the roar of the fan does sort of lull you back to sleep . . . though, for the first few nights, you remain slightly alert just to make sure the light/fan eventually shut off!

Left our flat this afternoon to see the show, Mrs. President—performed by our flat-mates from Rec Room Arts. Sharing the flat isn’t too bad, the other folks are really nice—and, coincidentally, we have common friends (of course we do!)—theatre is a small world.

And, their show is a beautiful piece of theatre.  The story has several layers, but the primary story is about Mary Todd Lincoln, the wife of the President, and her desire to be photographed flatteringly by the famous photographer of the period, Matthew Brady. We meet a couple of other folks along the way, but it’s a somewhat surreal look at Mrs. Lincoln’s life—in 50 minutes. It’s lyrical in its text and in its direction—a very moving piece.

After the show, I took the long way back to the flat and came upon the opening orchestral concert –with bagpipes—in the Princess Street Gardens under the shadow of the castle on the hill.  That was a nice surprise!

Sadly, just as the last number began, it started to sprinkle. The rain didn’t bother me, but people started leaving and since I was standing on the sidewalk at the back, I knew I’d be overrun with sopping exiters and I wouldn't get to enjoy the music, anyway. So I left.

And yes, it was a somewhat relaxing day . . . finally!

Tomorrow starts in earnest with a full non-stop week of Fringe!

[janshu]

Inu!Bakugo...for @ultimate-astridwriting's Hybrid collab!

Summary: My part of the hybrid collab. I had so much fun writing an angry Pomeranian Bakugo. 10/10 would do again. I'm not completely happy with it but who ever is? I'm still proud of myself!

Word count: 2.2k.

Warnings: Fem!Reader, Bakugo being an ass, sexual content, somnophilia, collars, choking, humping, creampie, name calling (bitch, slut, whore etc.), use of the word cunt.

You sigh as you rummage around in your pocket to produce the key to your home. After a long day's work all you want to do is get some dinner, take a bath and go to bed but none of those things would be possible would they?

No, not after the spur of the moment decision to adopt a hybrid of all things. The week earlier was one of torrential downpours and near freezing temperatures, the roads making a slushy substance of half-melted ice and salt to prevent the very thing it was being mixed in with. People stayed indoors the best they could when they weren't at work but life had to shit on you and make your car breakdown in the parking garage. Umbrella rested on your shoulder, rain boots on your feet with your spare in your bag and you trudged through cold, mushy hell back home. The streets were barren as a Walmart on a weekday at 4am, no life passing by you until you crossed an alley between two businesses. A pathetic whimper had caught your attention and your gaze drifted down to a soaked cardboard box. What was in that box you weren't sure if you should curse or love. A hybrid.

Narrow red eyes stared at you in suspicion, fangs bared at you but the creature didn't make any attempts to nip at your fingers when they neared to ruffle the spikey head of hair. The hybrid had leaned into your touch before recoiling away as if you had smacked him. The black and orange collar had seen better days, the charm that dangled on the hollow of his neck read "Dynamite" but he didn't give any indication that was his name when you repeated it outloud. He was barely dressed in anything, a thin t-shirt, shorts with ragged Converse that had more holes than Swiss cheese. Truthfully he looked a few days away from starvation and how could you keep that on your conscience if you left him there? After laying your warm coat over his shoulders you somehow, someway, managed to get him back to your place. Everything went downhill from there in the blink of an eye.

The weak puppy persona was gone the moment warm food settled in his belly and within the hour he acted as if you had crowned him king of the house. Beginning his rambles of curses, demands and biting at your fingers. The worst of it happened when you tried to take his collar off for a new one, one that wasn't frayed and barely hanging on. "Katsuki" as he spat out his name with enough venom to put a Black Mamba to shame had flipped over a coffee table, ripped up every couch cushion and went so far to chew on the linoleum on the kitchen floor.

No doubt you'd be greeted with the same sight as always. Messy, dirty, unknown stains everywhere and dishes still in the sink waiting to be moved to the washer. Maybe if he wasn't such a loud ass you could train him but your frazzled nerves were at their wits end. You didn't know what to do, you were about to throw in the towel and put him up for adoption. Yep, you were disappointed to be proven right. Katsuki reclining on the couch lengthwise, remote in his hand with the most bored expression on his face while idly flipping through channels.

"Fucking finally, you're home! I've been waitin' for fucking hours for your ass to get back! I'm hungry, get your shitty ass in the kitchen and make dinner." He barked. Barely giving you any time to hang up your coat and slip off your shoes before his orders began.

"Katsuki...I can't, not tonight." Could your voice portray anymore pleading? Apparently not because he didn't seem to notice, or care.

The fluffy ear at the top of his head only flicked in response, the top lip curling into his signature snarl. "Then what the fuck are you good for? Get your fucking ass in that god damn kitchen and fucking make dinner already."

All that you were good for? All that you were good for? How dare he! He's been freeloading off you for a week now without so much as a thanks for saving him from the streets, feeding him, clothing him, keeping him warm and dealing with his bullshit and this is how he repays you?

"I've fucking had it with you!" Your voice rose higher than you meant to but at this point you didn't care, a line had been crossed. "You fucking sit there and ruin my shit and yet I'm the useless one? I have half a mind to kick you out! You can make your own fucking dinner, I've had it! I'm done! I can't take this anymore!"

Despite not having any clunky shoes on your feet still managed to resonate in the small living room while you stormed past the couch. You had expected anything, anything at all. A slap, a punch, a groan, literally anything but you were met with only silence and that somehow pissed out off even more. How could silence be so infuriating?! You didn't even notice the terror that washed over his face as you screamed at him or the way his chest heaved with the sob or how he trembled underneath your wrathful gaze as you walked away. The bedroom door slamming made short work of that.

"Fuck I'm such an ass.." You mused to yourself already regretting blowing up at him but what would an apology do that wasn't already broken? So better yet why not send yourself to bed without dinner as some kind of punishment? He'd linger at the doorway to the kitchen, staring at you with those intense eyes if you made dinner anyways so why let him win? He could his own shit for fucks sake!

After a quick shower to dethaw your bones and warm up what was left of your dead soul the softness of your pajamas helped ease the guilt gnawing away like a puppy on its first bone. Laying in bed until sleep eventually overcame you and when he knew it was safe to slip in and sneak over towards your bedside.

Rustling was what woke you. The rustling of clothes and the jingle of something metallic in the darkness of the bedroom. Whatever grogginess you normally suffered when waking up was vanishing the more details were dissected and understood by your half-asleep brain, a process that took an embarrassingly long time. Clothes rustling, the bedsheets moving, heavy pants and something incredibly warm nudging up against the sensitive skin of your inner thighs. Naturally your brain assumed the worst and your eyelids flew open to show nothing; at first. As your eyes adjusted to the pitch black room they found the blazing stare of those vermillion eyes, the bared fangs that belonged to your hybrid.

What the hell was Katsuki doing on top of you?

Noticing that you were awake the snarl turned into a smirk as he huffed, his large chest expanding with each desperate pant. Why did your folds feel so good just as you were waking up?

"Feel that?" How could you not? The feel of a scorching cock bumping up your folds and sensitive clit, wet from the pre leaking from the tip. There was so much of it from what you could feel, too sticky to be your own. His hips had yet to cease moving, no word from your shocked form to still his rutting hips.

"W-what the hell are you doing?" Was the most logical question your brain could come up with in the moment.

"Humping...fucking dumbass." His warm breath created goosebumps on your cool skin, his head must've been so close to yours by the hair tickling your forehead. "Tryin'ta...help ya. Shitty woman.."

"Help? How the fuck is this helping?"

"You've been working so hard so I thought maybe...a good fuck would calm ya down, relax ya." Katsuki's voice was so desperate, so needy, the humping of his cock on your labia increasing.

He was trying to help? He was going to fuck the frustration out of you? Is that was he was offering? Having sex with a hybrid was common enough to not be considered taboo but you couldn't help but feel he was trying to worm his way into your good graces. Unless your words had struck some kind of cord with him. "Okay, alright, I'll let you help."

"Fuck yeah!"

With that the head of his cock nudged against your cunt, already spread and waiting for him. How long had he been doing this for? The burn of the stretch was delicious, he was just big enough to fill you up but not hurt. Settling right up to kiss the tip of your cervix when he bottomed out. His hands grip at your thigh and hip, pulling his back to slam his cock right back into you. Over and over, over and over, over and over. Practically using you as a fleshlight to get himself off but damn if it didn't feel good, him bouncing you on his cock so roughly each thrust was sending the headboard against the wall.

"Oh fuck...oh fuck, Katsuki!" Your hands pat around and eventually find his biceps and you cling on for dear life, your nails digging crescent shaped markings into his skin.

"Yeah, yeah...you like this form of stress relief, don'tcha you dirty slut?" Undoing the collar around his neck the frayed cloth of the strap is tied around your neck, the buckle clamping down tightly to constrict your airflow while two fingers slip under it to pull and tug. "You're my dirty fucking slut! Mine...mine...mine...mine, fucking mine!"

Your fingers trailed down the tiny amount of space between your bodies down to the precious, neglected nub between your legs. Barely able to wiggle your index and middle finger down there from the rabid fucking you were receiving to circle the bundle of nerves and send yourself over the edge. Each clap of your thighs smacking against each other forcing your hate for his behavior ebbing away. If he was going to act like this all the time how could you kick him out?

"F-fuck! Gonna cum...fucking cum..cum for me. Cum with me!" Katsuki snarled as the pressure around your throat increased. Your hand was smacked away from your clit and was replaced with the large pad of his thumb, frantic circles sending your body into a writhing mess of flails and kicks.

The orgasm that had been steadily building from your ministrations had been ripped away and replaced with one quickly approaching to push you over the edge. The white hot pleasure-coil that formed underneath your belly button snapped and all of it coursed through your system in one go. Paralyzing your body for a split second as you squirted all over the hybrids cock, his still rubbing hand sending the liquid everywhere. Coating his thighs, your thighs and the bed underneath you.

"Fucking fuck! Such a whore, such a dirty girl for me! Oh my fucking g-god!" One last slam of his hips and his own body stilled, burying his cock deep inside your cunt to shoot his cum deep in your womb. He stuttered before his body collapsed on top of you, suffocating you in his sweaty muscles.

Bathing in the afterglow, coming down from your high you could've sworn you heard something. Mumbling, soft mumbling too indistinct to understand. Katsuki's head laying on your shoulder, his nose brushing along your collarbone and was he laying kisses here and there? No, you must've been seeing things. Still buried to the hilt he turned his head to speak, his fluffy ears perked and his tail gently swishing behind him. The sudden light from your phone illuminated the room, casting light on Katsuki's face and the sight made your breath hitch in your throat. Clearly he had been crying. Tear stains streaked down his cheeks, brows knitted together and the same lost look he had plastered on his face appeared again.

"Please, please don't kick me out. I'll do anything, please...please don't abandon me. Not again." His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer as he hid his face in your neck. Voice breaking, shoulders trembling, the verge of crying all over again quickly approaching.

Your heart broke and you returned the favor by hugging him around the shoulders, a hand carding through his hair to soothe him. Had he been abandoned? Did his previous owners not like him? Was all his aggressiveness some kind of defense mechanism? Was he giving you a reason to kick him out to keep himself from experiencing that kind of pain again? Oh, poor baby. "Never again...just don't destroy things anymore, okay? Help me around the place a little more will ya?"

"Yes." Katsuki snuggled on top of you. Finally believing he had a real home with you, a place where he could belong. "....Master."

[cjjohansson]

NONE OF THIS WAS MEANT TO HAPPEN- PART 2

NATASHA ROMANOFF x BLACKWIDOW!READER

SUMMARY; After being apprehended by the Avengers and growing closer to Natasha, you let slip a secret she didn't know you knew. What happens when she realises you know the truth?

WARNINGS; mentions of abuse, swearing, previous suicide attempt, self harm, self doubt, mental health, smoking, drinking. sad natasha.

-PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION-

WORD COUNT; 4.5K

-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-

“So you’re telling me Yelena lied?”

Natasha didn’t expect this. She hadn't heard that name for a while now, not since destroying the Red Room herself with the help from her but since then nothing but radio silence. She thought Yelena was too busy still trying to free other widows but she knew from finding you and helping you Yelena hadn't finished her mission yet. But she was confused at how you knew Yelena and still had her in your mind even through the torture of the mind control and manipulating you had experienced. She continued staring at you, she didn't know what to do or say to you.

“So was she lying or not Natasha?” your voice came through her ears making her refocus. Your voice sounded desperate to know the truth, you needed to know the truth.

“I don't know what you’re talking about y/n.” Nat knew she should tell the truth, why was she still hiding this part of her past from you, no one knew about the help she had received when destroying the red room but no one knew her as well as you. Only knowing each other for this short amount of time you both opened up in different ways, it was freeing for Natasha to see someone who went through the same pain as she did and it helped guide her in helping you. Knowing if she could help you it’d help herself, she still saw all the red in her ledger but she was determined to wipe it in hopes she could help you wipe yours. She knew how you felt about the terrible things you did under control and for all the years up until now. She knew you shared the same pain. Apart from you only had Natasha. Slowly growing more open with the team but Natasha had you AND the team, the team she had grown so close with over the years to now finally call her family. But still the lie fell from her lips like it was a simple song.

“You’re lying, I know you're lying and I don't understand why it's me Natasha!” your voice only grew louder the more frustrated you got.

“I still remember holding Yelena the day you managed to escape the Red Room, I remember her crying and having to keep her quiet at night so no one saw her and thought she was weak! She constantly fell asleep holding the only memory she had left of you. But it all stopped months after I was taken from her in my sleep being transferred to a new location! I remember mouthing to her ‘it’ll be ok, we will find eachother again’ but after that nothing. I cannot even remember how long ago that was now Natasha, the years after being put through the mind control barely anything feels real. It was all confusing at the time trying to work out who this girl was that I kept seeing in my dreams and anytime I asked them it would only end in a beating. I knew not to ask anymore. But I remember being sent on this mission to kill you Natasha! I remember after I finally woke up again and saw your face that this person in front of me will help because my friend never gave up hope in you! It was like all I could see was Yelena and this random blue haired girl!”

“I'm not lying. I don't know who or what you're talking about!” another lie, slipping past her lips like it was nothing. Her lies only fueled you with more anger and frustration. Her face just stayed staring at you like she was trying to burn the lie into your head. You thought you knew her, but the person who was standing in front of you now lying was most definitely not the same person you shared a kiss with only moments ago.

“You said I could trust you Natasha. You might be able to get away with lying to the team but you're forgetting we were taught to lie by the same people. I can see straight through you.” your voice hit back at her laced with venom, she could see the disappointment in your eyes. You slowly turned to leave, you couldn't stand here with her right now knowing she was lying. How could she lie to you after everything she has helped you with over the last few months. You thought you loved her, you thought she might have loved you. You got off the bed and walked towards the door, you couldn't be here right now.

“Y/n/n wait.” she grabbed your wrist, stopping you from reaching the door, the same wrist that was littered in a big scar from the time you woke up. Her touch burnt, all she received from you was a flinch and you pulling your wrist from her touch.

“Don't you dare fucking touch me Natalia! Only moments ago I thought I finally had someone I could trust, someone who would keep me safe. But now all I see is the Black fucking Widow stood infront of me. So no Natalia, I won't wait. I won't stand here while you lie to me straight through your teeth. I wont stand here while you tell me you don't know who or what i’m talking about when I held that some person for months through her fucking tears because her so called sister left without her! I picked up the pieces you fucking ruined and now you expect me to stand here and think that you're telling me the truth and Yelena lied all those years? You expect me to think the voice in my head the day I woke up after I slit my wrist wide open telling me to trust you is fucking lying? Because if it was lying I wish, I fucking wish I let myself bleed out right then and there.” You knew you hit her then, like your voice was so loud filling the room like it was pounding in her ears. She knew you were right that it wasn’t her standing in front of you but was the Black Widow trying to manipulate her targets for information. Before she could even reply, the sound of the door slamming brought her back to focus. She quickly wiped her cheek as she felt the tears slowly falling from her eyes, not even remembering when she had started crying. Why did she lie? Why did she ruin the chances of you? Ruining your trust like it didn't take so much time to try and gain it? What had she done? Her and Yelena were ok now, they had worked on their differences and she had apologised for what had happened all the years ago but why wouldn't she tell you that? She knew Yelena held a grudge and hated her for leaving without her when they finally saw each other again but that wasn't the case now. Everything was different now and the main difference was Natasha finally realising that maybe she was falling for you and she had ruined all her chances in that becoming a reality. She needed to give you space, she knew that if she was to chase you now it would only make you more angry, she knew she needed to figure out how to talk to you and explain why she had done what she had done, until then she couldn't risk seeing you.

-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-

It had been a week since your argument with Natasha. Nothing made sense to you. It was driving you crazy at how she lied to you like you were nothing to her, like you weren't the person she had spent nights laughing with over stupid movies and also crying too when talking about each other's pasts. You had only slept once since then, a few hours after your argument, you had finally made your way back to your room knowing she would have left. You felt exhausted, only moments before your argument you had woken up from a terrible nightmare to then being in the comfort of her arms, to then kissing her to then shouting. It was like the only thing your body wanted to do was sleep right then and there. When you woke up hours later looking at your clock did you see the time read 4am, you had slept for 12 hours and by that point you understood why.

-flashback-

You steadily got out of your bed still feeling disgusted from being in your gym clothes from the day before everything happened, you made your way to the shower knowing you needed to rid all this grime off of yourself. You stood still in the shower letting the water fall off your shoulders like it was the first time you had ever seen water before it felt relaxing. Letting yourself get lost in the feeling of it but still your mind grew to the thought of what it would be like if Natasha was standing behind you right now washing your hair, touching you so delicately like you could break from any sudden movement. It felt too overwhelming. You crumbled to your knees like your body could no longer hold your weight anymore, your tears getting lost within the water that was over your face. It felt like you couldn't breathe, you were trapped in a place with nobody you could trust. Your mind grew dark so quickly, like the only way to get out of this place was to reopen that wrist but she still lingered in your mind, the thought of her finding you on this shower floor was breaking you even more. Why were you still feeling this sympathy for her after everything that had happened. You couldn't do this you needed to get rid of this feeling inside, it felt like your body was on fire, you felt scared and it was something you hadn't felt for a few months now, you had felt safe in her presence to now feeling as if you would leave this room and pass out, you needed it gone. You scrambled up from your feet in a hurry trying to find anything in your bathroom for a release, you remembered Natasha had made sure anything you could hurt yourself with had been removed from your pending room after your incident. There was nothing in here you could even butter bread with, it only made you feel more anger towards her. You stopped looking, taking a deep breath and staring at yourself in the mirror, wiping your hand over the mirror to see yourself clearer due to the fog clinging to it. And that's when you realised this would do. Bringing your clenched fist up to pound into the mirror sending shards flying everywhere, thank god for your enhancements you thought, that brought a light chuckle out of you. Frantically picking a big enough shard off the floor and moving yourself to sit on the toilet you knew this would help. Blood came seeping out of each cut, dripping down your leg and running onto the floor, you knew you'd done enough. The pain you felt inside had felt like it had disappeared more and more after every cut. You moved back into the shower preparing yourself for the sharp stings of pain that would soon follow, washing yourself quickly and exiting your bathroom, closing the door and leaving it shut. You knew you’d had to clean up later but for now you dragged yourself back to your bed in hopes to sleep more even though you knew you wouldn’t.

-end flashback-

You sat on the balcony of the compound still trying to work out how and why this had happened, you hadn't seen her for a week, you knew people had grown suspicious as to why you weren't joint at her hip and instead was constantly wrapped in a blanket on the balcony. The only person to come over and talk to you was Wanda, you would never say much. Only asking her if she could get you some cigarettes from the shop and some vodka, you knew if she said no you could always just ask FRIDAY to get some delivered, but she always came back hours later with the two things you'd asked her for, you always sent her the softest smile with a quiet thank you and she would leave after that. You wondered if she knew she was feeding into your new addictions and a way to stop the pain coming forward. You wondered if you were taking advantage of her but still you never wondered to ask.

-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-

You brought the cigarette up to your lips lighting it quickly, the feeling burning your throat and lungs as you slowly inhale the toxic chemicals it gives out, you had never smoked before this whole thing with Natasha, it wasn't until you had seen someone smoking in a movie did you grow curious of whole thing but now look, it was like you was a natural. Cigarette in one hand, half a bottle of vodka in the other, that is all you've done all week. You only moved from this spot to go to the toilet, not even bothering with food. It wasn't healthy and you knew that, you also knew this was a pathetic way of coping from everything with Natasha but it was helping.

A small cough is what brought you out of your train of thoughts, you looked up towards the door seeing her standing there. You hated how the first thing you thought was how beautiful she looked with the moonlight shining in just the right way. It made her eyes even more beautiful than they already were, you threw your head back to look at the trees across from you, no you needed to be angry at her.

“Smoking isn’t good for you, you know.” you wanted to chuckle at her but the hurt seeping through your veins was too much to deal with, gulping down the growing lump in your throat you continued smoking while staring. She sighed moving to sit opposite you so she constricted your view. You now sit facing her staring into her beautiful emerald orbs hoping the tears don't start to fall.

“I’m sorry” watching her slowly lowering her head after her words, her hands running through her hair, you're sure you heard a slight sniffle but you continued to stare, not caring to reply.

“Please say something, anything” she sounded so vulnerable, so small but you needed an explanation not just an apology. You go to speak but your tears are already threatening to fall so you turn your head to the side gulping down some vodka to ignore the pain.

“I'm not good at apologising, I'm even worse at talking about my past. I did lie. But I shouldn't have. I lied because I didn't want to remember what I did to her back then, the things I did in general back then.” you finally turned to look at her again slowly nodding for her to continue.

“Me and Yelena, we…errrr...we had a mission when we were young. Acting as sisters with two other agents as our parents. It was nice, you know, acting normal. I went from being in the Red Room, to a normal life. To then just be taken back away again. But it was different for her, I tried to not let them take her, she was too young, but like they said, I was younger…” she stayed staring down at her feet, you could tell it was a lot for her to be doing this, you were thankful she was opening up telling you the truth but you could see her discomfort seeping through. Holding out the bottle of vodka for her to take she brought her head up slowly looking at you and then to the bottle. She let out a light chuckle moving to accept the bottle from you and taking a drink. She gave it back, wiping the few tears that had escaped, you thought she was done talking until she sighed and carried on.

“I held her as they took us to the Red Room again, well me again, not her. It was terrifying. I just held her trying to shield her from seeing anything and everything, she just clung to me, sobbing. We were so young and I knew what was going to happen to her and there was nothing more I could do. I knew as soon as we were there she'd be taken from me and I'd never see her again. But I did see her, of course you know I did. It was quick stares walking past each other or it was me looking for her subtly when we would be eating, I couldn't protect her anymore. We could only protect ourselves. Any signs of love, affection or even friendship were frowned upon. How could I comfort her or look after her when everything I wanted to do I would have been punished for? That would have scared her even more. So I kept to myself.”

You didn't know how to react or what to do, the woman who was so continuously strong no matter what was thrown at her was sitting in front of you sobbing, it broke your heart and you knew it was breaking hers.

“Tasha, it's ok. Please.” you couldn't watch her cry anymore but you knew there was so much more she needed to say.

“No, y/n I...I need to do this.” you gave her a small nod, urging her to continue as you swallowed your own tears.

“She got out about 7 months ago too. Things happened and well me, her and our parents, Alexei and Melina. We took down Dreykov, we took down the main Red Room. I found out about all of these other widows that were placed all around the world being controlled. Yelena had this antidote that managed to break widows out of mind control, she found out the hard way what it was but we managed to save the widows that were at that Red Room. We only had one dose left, so with the help from Melina and Alexei they created more so they could go and save all the girls that were left. When you showed up I knew that clearly she hadn't finished the whole mission yet but I knew that 4 months wasn't a lot of time to do that hence why she hadn't reached you yet. I hadn't been in contact with any of them since then, I tried to get in touch but I never received anything back even up until two weeks ago.” she had stopped crying now, she looked more comfortable talking, it released this ache in your heart knowing she was becoming ok. You just wanted to hug her, so you did. You moved quickly, cigarettes and bottle of vodka long forgotten about and settled on her lap. She tensed slightly when you first sat down but soon enough you felt her relax, you just couldn't stop looking at her. Her eyes glassy from the tears she had shed, the light smell of the vodka she had drunk coming out from her lips as she breathed slowly. You just forgot everything that had happened in the past week. You cupped her face making sure all of her attention was on you, leaning in slowly to finally connect your lips in a gentle kiss. You finally moved away when you felt tears dripping down your cheeks, not evening knowing if they were yours or hers. Her hand came to settle on your cheek wiping away the tears that had fallen, the smallest of a smile on her face.

“I went to find them this week.” her words shocking you, making you shake your head confused. She laughed lightly at your reaction.

“Arguing with you just made me realise that I had no clue what was going on, I just left them with this information and took off, so I went to Melinas where I knew one of them would be and saw them there. That's why I had been gone all week.”

You felt relief when something rolled through you, although all this week you had been trying to avoid her, every time you moved from the balcony to the toilets you hoped she would pop out of nowhere. It wasn't until the third day you thought she was actively trying to avoid you too, it's what made you grow more angry. Thinking she just upped and left without a word but you now knew she didn't and suddenly all this anger and pain you felt towards her through the week was gone off your shoulders, but you now hated yourself for the way you reacted, the way you screamed and shouted at her for lying when now you understood why she done what she done out of fear of remembering. You hated yourself for the way you threw yourself into hurting yourself along with smoking and drinking. The guilt settled in your chest, it felt like it was too much to handle once again and you couldn't stop the tears from crashing down, a painful sob falling out of you as you suddenly felt like you could feel your thighs starting to tear and bleed again, like you could feel your throat burning from the bottles of vodka you had consumed and your lungs feeling as if they were suffocating from all the cigarettes you managed to smoke in such a short time.

Natasha reacted quickly, holding you tighter as you tucked yourself into the crook of her neck, a death grip on the back of her shirt as if, if you were to let go, this would all be a dream and she would disappear.

“Hey, hey, hey. Shhh it's ok, you're ok, I’m ok. We are ok. I'm here. I'm sorry for what happened and I'm sorry for leaving without explaining. I'm just so sorry.” her words were meant to be comforting but it only made you sob more.

“The things I did when you were gone Tasha, I overreacted. I'm sorry for everything I said that day of our argument. I understand everything now I do and I'm so grateful for you telling me and I'm so happy Yelena is safe. I'm so sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry.” your voice muffled as you sobbed into her neck only made her grow nervous. No one had said anything about you all week when she called to check in on everyone.

“y/n, what happened?” She spoke so softly, one hand stroking small circles at the bottom of your back and the other hand moving to the side of your hair to move your head up so you were looking at her. It made the words you were trying to say even harder seeing how much her eyes showed her concern and worry.

“M...my...my bathroom, I...I...I ruined it, haven't been in my room since you left. I've stayed out here just smoking and drinking Tasha. I felt so angry and hurt and I hate what I did because now I understand why and what happened and I just overreacted so much and all I've done is cause myself pain and I know you don't want to know or even think that but I have. I hurt myself Tasha, I broke my mirror to do it, gosh thats so fucking stupid and it was only the one time and that doesn't make that ok I know that but it hurts so much. I feel like I'm suffocating, this guilt is too much. You've come back to explain and now here I sit crying and making it sound like everything I did this week was your fault but it wasn't. I'm sorry.” you rambled on continuing to sob, her eyes now just looked so sad, it broke you but you couldn't stop the ‘I’m sorrys’ from falling off your lips but she still stayed stroking your back, leaning your foreheads together telling you over and over that it was ok and she forgave you.

Your sobs finally slowly subsided, the exhaustion finally settling in after the week that had gone by so slowly, it consumed you. But Natasha never let up her continuous flow of ‘its oks’ and never failed to tell you ‘I’m here’ until you finally settled in silence. The silence felt comfortable between you, even though the past hour or maybe even longer held so much pain for the both of you. Your grib finally loosens on her t-shirt, moving to sit up straight to look at her.

“Я люблю вас” she blurts out in a hurry, you stayed staring at her in shock. You made no move to reply or even hug her or kiss her, it made her grow nervous. You felt her tense underneath you straight after it came flying out of her mouth.

“It's fine, you don’t need to...umpth” you cut her off short pulling her into an intense kiss, moving to straddle her lap, she moaned softly into you, making you melt. Even through the gentleness it still felt so rough and aggressive, neither of you pulling away until air became a problem.

“я люблю тебя больше моя Наталья”

-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-ⴵ-⧗-

The night seemed to flow so much more calmly after your late night confessions. You both moved to Natashas suite in hopes of getting some more privacy. Your night consisted of movies playing in the background as you both consumed each other with so much love and affection. You knew for sure that no one could ever love you or care for you the way this woman could. It overfilled your heart with so much joy, that even after these years where she was in pain and she blamed herself and the word for everything that had happened to her, that she could still love and feel so deeply. How she could still love you with so much passion in such a short amount of time, when you both grew up being told that it would make you vulnerable and that it was for children.

You knew the way you grew up was terrible and traumatic but in this moment, laying in Natashas arms sharing the smallest of kisses, giggles erupting from both of you, kind words whispered as if anything louder would ruin the moment, you were somewhat grateful that somehow no matter where this life was suppose to take you or what was meant to happen with you, you had never been so happy to have failed your mission against Natasha Romanoff, because right now who knows where you would be or what you was doing. You managed to be so lucky that this woman still accepted you with open arms and made herself vulnerable and somewhere fall in love with you that nothing from your past mattered in this moment. All that mattered was the love you were sharing and the love you can only hope to continue to share into the future.

Maybe ‘None Of This Was Meant To Happen’ but god was you so incredibly happy that it did.

[thebluestbluewords]

Waking Up is Hard to....

Mal having a moment, part of a larger project I'm slowly chugging away on. ~1500 words

*

“Oh gods, ouch.” Mal mutters, mostly to herself. There’s something heavy and sharp resting on her face. Maybe Evie left one of her hair combs in the bed again, and Mal’s somehow rolled over onto it and gotten it stuck in her face. “Geoff, Evie--” Mal mutters, swiping at the thing. It doesn’t shift, and she whacks at it harder, making contact with the top of it--

Mal snaps awake. Shit, shit and crap. That’s feathers she’s whacking, which means Diablo is here, and her mother--

Diablo caws his stupid cackling laugh, and releases a coil of scrap paper from his beak directly into Mal’s eye.

“Get out of here you stupid bird,” Mal tells him, sitting up and shoving the creature off of her face. “Who let you in, you bastard? Did you break open my skylight again?”

The bird cocks his head, looking at her with his beady, all too intelligent eyes. “Caw. Caw.” he croaks out, body still and resting intensely on Mal’s thigh. “Caw.”

Ugh. “I hate you, dumbass.” Mal tells him. “Go look for water in the sink, I’m sure one of the others will get a bowl for you.”

Diablo hops up from Mal’s leg and wings his way up onto her partition. He’s not letting her out of his sight, which is never a good sign.

“I’m reading it, I’m reading it,” Mal yawns, unrolling the paper scrap. It’s soft from use, and covered in her mother’s looped handwriting.

Mal, the note reads. I’ve come across some interesting information about your assignment. Come to the tower at 4am sharp. Do not try to hide from me or Diablo has been instructed to peck your eyes out and bring them to me on a plate. Don’t fail me. -M

Well then. There’s not many functioning clocks left on the isle, but Mal happens to have one of the best engineers on the isle living in-house, so she’s got an actual alarm clock in her bedroom corner. Sure, the letters glow pink instead of a more evil color, and there’s a princess holding a lemon slice sitting on top of it, but it works better than the bells and Maleficent is dangerous when Mal is late for a summoning.

3:26. Half an hour then, to get ready and cross the market territory without waking up the others or getting caught by anyone who’s still up and about and ready to do an unattended young villain harm.

Mal is more worried about what Evie will say if she gets caught than any potential danger from the pirates, if she’s being honest.

Okay. Up, roll quietly off the mattress that she’s spent more pleasant hours on than an alpha bastard like her deserves, and grab clothes off the pile on the floor. Pants are easy, belts are harder, because they click. Can’t go without one, because belts are part of her armor. Her sleep shirt is fine, a thin tank top in black and green that Evie pulled out of the scrap pile and repurposed for her. It’s cheap fabric, and not meant to hold up under attack, but she’s not her jacket for that. The thick layers of leather have served her well so far, and a quick jaunt across the hidden rooftops of the isle might wake up a few sleeping occupants of the buildings under her, but won’t result in anything more than a few yells if she’s lucky, and a bottle or two to dodge if she isn’t.

Mal’s feeling lucky tonight.

Out of her corner, slipping under the curtain so the sound of the rings won’t wake Carlos, who is a notoriously light sleeper, and--

“Mal?”

Caught.

“Hey, furball.” Mal says, turning to face a red-eyed Carlos, who is sitting up on his mattress and watching her a little too closely for someone who just woke up. “My mother’s little message disturb you too?”

He yawns. “Yeah.”

“Well, if I’m not back by the sixth bell or so, send a search party, okay?”

“Can-do,” Carlos says, and yawns again. “If you’re not back we’ll assume you’re in the dungeon again, yeah?”

Ugh. “Probably.” Mal agrees. “Unless she’s feeling really creative and puts me out on the window ledge.”

“The worst.” Carlos agrees, sleepily. “If you die I want your serrated knife back.”

Mal pulls it out of her belt. It’s a nice-ass knife, long and sharp and with a quick release that got outlawed in Auradon a few years back, leading to a flood of them on the isle. There was a newspaper about it that Doctor Facilier snapped up and paraded about the school for a day, and Mal remembers it because she’d to wrestle two more of the things away from Harmony and Devon before they got any bright ideas about sidekicks owning the fancy stuff.

She’d lost those knives shortly after taking them, one to Uma, as a gift, and one to Jay. She doesn’t miss them, but it would have been a smarter choice to hold on to them a bit longer, instead of gifting the green chromed one on to the first pretty omega girl who caught her eye after taking them. This one, dark grey and with a marbled handle, she got from Carlos after complaining that she missed her old ones one too many times for his liking. Things had still been strange and new between them, and Mal had taken the knife as soon as he’d offered it, without thinking about the potential weight behind the trade.

Too late now for regrets. What’s done is done, and the knife is hers now.

“Here,” Mal says, shaking the knife in Carlos’s direction. “Take it, dumbass. Insurance for getting me back in one piece.”

He squints up at her, not taking it. His face looks strange and grey in the faint light from the windows. “No,” he says. “That’s solid metal. If your mom tries to pull the magic eyes on you again you’ll need it more than I do.”

He’s right, but it feels important that Mal give him something to hold onto while she’s gone. Just in case.

There’s a knife in her boot that’s cheap and made of repurposed cans, but it’s small and quick and one of her favorites. Mal stores the folding knife away in her pocket, and pulls the tin one out instead.

“Here then,” says Mal, and drops the knife on the edge of Carlos’s mattress. “Take it, I’m not kidding. Insurance for me to get back. That one won’t do anything against my mother, not even if I throw it at her from a foot away. It’s too light, and her robes are too heavy to slash through anyway.”

“I get the lightweight knife, I see how it is.” Carlos says, picking it up and flickering it through his fingers. “You think I can’t handle your big bad machete?”

“You weigh about as much as my machete.” Mal shoots back, tugging on her jacket. Evie’s not staying with them tonight, and Carlos is already up, so she doesn’t have to worry so much about noise anymore. “You think they’ll feed us in Auradon?”

“Hope so.”

“Yeah. Don’t be stupid while I’m gone, okay?”

He lifts a shoulder. “I’ll try.”

“At least save any big explosions until I come back.” Mal says, only half joking. “If I’m going to come back to you torching the place I think I deserve to see it in action.”

That gets her a flicker of a smile. “Can-do.”

“Okay. Back in a tic.”

Carlos flicks a hand at her. “Run safe,” he says, quiet in the strange moonlit space where they’re not going to live for so much longer. “Come back before dawn.”

“Will-do, furball.” Mal promises, and slips out the door before she can wake anyone else.

The door falls shut behind her. It’s only three, and already it’s getting sticky-hot again. Late summer, ugh. How is a girl supposed to survive in this climate, honestly. Mal much prefers fall, when she can get away with wearing her heavier jacket all the time and not sweat through her undershirt the second she steps outside.

Diablo lands on her head. Stupid bird.

“I’m going to roast you like a chicken,” Mal whispers to him as she’s working her way up through the tangled mess of their outdoor escape and up onto the warehouse roof. “Put a stick through your ass and toast you on the fire, do you hear me? I don’t care what sort of enchantment my mother has you under. I will put you on a spit and stuff your ass with corn, see if I won’t.”

Diablo lifts one wing slowly, unfazed.

“Little asshole,” Mal mutters, mostly to herself. A few rooftops, and then she’s in the clear. Or more accurately, then she’s in the castle with only her mother and any henchmen she’s got hanging around to deal with…

Much better to just say that she’s in the clear.

[psychdelia]

billy woke up sweaty and sore with his head pounding. steve threw a graduation party for the seniors last night and, naturally, the popular juniors crashed it.

billy was the most excited out of the bunch, more than ready to see casa de harrington and what it had to offer. he expected the pool, expensive alcohol, smell of weed wafting from the basement.

what he didn’t expect was getting his own personal tour of steve’s room. not that he remembers much considering how this tour came about.

the details are a little iffy, some black spots here and there. billy remembers smoking with harrington and some other peers on the basement couch, beer in one hand, shitty indiana joint in the other. he waited until everyone left to pull out a bag of weed from california he’d been stashing, figured this was the best way to offer an apology since he never actually did apologize for their fight.

“now that that’s over with,” billy motioned towards the basement door once it closed. “wanna try the good shit?” he grinned as he presented the bag.

“holy shit. is it from cali?” steve asked, reaching for the bag. billy quickly pulled it out of his reach.

“of course it’s from cali, dumbass. you really think i’m gonna call your trash bud good?” he rolled his eyes. “but,” he licked his lips. “we’re square after this. no more hating me and i’ll leave you the hell alone. deal or no deal, amigo?”

steve seemed to contemplate, biting his bottom lip and eyeing between billy and the bag.

“you won’t be a dick to me or the shitheads?” steve raised an eyebrow.

“well, i can’t guarantee that.” billy chuckled. “but i won’t target any of you. plus, i already apologized to sinclair and left those brats alone. after max drugged me with whatever the fuck and nearly castrated me, of course. but i still did.” he shrugged.

billy would never admit he told max he wanted to apologize to lucas. would never admit the guilt was eating away at him until he apologized. to his surprise, lucas accepted the apology as long as billy carts him and max around to their stupid little dates. it’s pretty cute, seeing how in love he is with his dork sister. he’ll never admit that either.

“fuck, fine. deal. now hand it over, hargrove. always such a hoarder.” he rolled his eyes, snatching the bag away.

“it’s not my fault the rest of the team doesn’t know how to play ball, asshole.” billy huffed, watching steve grind and roll the flower up. “first hit’s yours.”

passing the joint around silently progressed to smoking with small talk, to them actually having a good discussion just talking about life. they were pretty gone as they talked about their parents. steve talked about traveling along the east coast with family, billy talked about california and mentioned his mom a couple times.

things took a turn when billy thoughtlessly mentioned how he used to shotgun the smoke with some friends back home and steve perked up.

“let’s do it.” steve suggested.

“what?”

“shotgun the smoke. i’ve never done it. cmon,” he sat up, patting billy’s knee. “we’ll do it to each other. you go first.” he leaned in very close to billy, leaving just enough distance between their faces. the party upstairs seemed to have quieted down.

they’d gone back and forth a few times, getting closer each time. billy was about to exhale when he caught steve’s bloodshot eyes drift down from his face and linger on his lips for longer than heterosexually normal. steve looked back up and his cheeks turned pink when he realized he’d been caught, but he didn’t seem to care.

steve really didn’t seem to care when he leaned forward and crashed his lips onto billy’s, forcing him to exhale the smoke into the other’s mouth. billy let out a soft moan when steve licked into his mouth. he hadn’t realized he ended up on steve’s lap until big hands were grabbing his ass and thighs, squeezing handfuls.

they didn’t realize the party was over and the house was empty until steve was dragging billy up the basement stairs. he groaned when billy started to kiss down his neck, blindly reaching behind him to turn the music off. by the time they got to steve’s room, they were half naked, clothes discarded along the stairs.

billy remembers getting on all fours on steve’s bed but immediately got flipped onto his back because i wanna see you, baby. he remembers wrapping his thighs around steve’s face when he licked him open, moaning when steve opened him up with deft fingers and harsh strokes to his prostate. he remembers getting fucked in the same position with steve kissing and licking and sucking and biting down his throat and chest. he remembers getting on top and pinning steve down, marking his neck up the same way he did billy.

he remembers waking up around 4am to steve spooning him. he was hard again and rutting against billy, letting out soft little moans before they fucked again in that same position, steve holding billy’s legs up and open, fingers digging into his thigh, his free hand messily jerking billy off.

now, it’s 11am and all the memories of last night came flooding back to him. his eyes are wide as he turns in steve’s arms, wincing at the soreness and stickiness in his thighs. his eyes go soft when he finds steve sleeping peacefully. his arms are still wrapped tight around billy and there are hickeys littering his neck and collarbones but he looks fucking angelic.

“steve.” billy shakes him a little. “steve.” he repeats, louder.

steve just groans and pulls billy close, tucking the blonde’s head beneath his chin and kissing his head.

“five more minutes, baby.” he murmurs tiredly into billy’s hair.

“steve.” billy sighs into his neck, feels the way steve shudders.

“what?” steve huffs. “wanna go again?” he grinds against billy, earning a moan out of both of them when their dicks rub.

“no. yeah. fuck, no. not now. wake the fuck up harrington.” billy groans, failing to escape his embrace. “fucking clinger.” he huffs.

“you literally clung to me like a koala when i was fucking you but i’m the clinger? asshole.” steve chuckled.

“have you seen your dick?” billy pinched his side. “it’s the size of my fuckin’ face, harrington. there was a lot going on.”

“oh shut the fuck up. you hungry?” steve murmured, pressing sleepy kisses to billy’s neck.

“you made me ride you for, like, an hour. i’m starving.”

“it was like 10 minutes billy. you’re so dramatic.” steve rolled his eyes as he stood up, dragging billy up with him.

“and you’re insatiable.” billy winced as the cold air hit him, cooling him off after being plastered to steve all night.

“come here.” steve murmured, grabbing billy’s hand and dragging him to the bathroom.

billy followed blindly, ignoring the heat in his cheeks at the way steve held his hand. his blush only deepened when steve grabbed a baby wipe and began to clean billy up, starting at the cum on his belly and moving down. he gave billy an odd look in which billy returned a frown, not understanding until steve gently wiped at his crack and hole, jumping at the sudden cold sensation.

he immediately told himself he wouldn’t catch feelings for this asshole, no matter how sweet or cute or hot or amazing in bed he was. but that thought was thrown out the second they got to the kitchen and billy was bent over the counter, steve draped over his body as he fucked him quick and deep, kissing down his neck and jerking him off.

billy especially didn’t fall in love when steve made him both blueberry and chocolate chip pancakes and fresh expensive italian coffee. he cringed at the way steve drank it black as he loaded it with cream and sugar, flipping a grimacing steve off as he took a sip.

“you want some more coffee with your cream and sugar? or some more pancakes with your syrup?” steve mocked with a fond smile as billy drowned his pancakes and sat half naked, only in a pair of steve’s shorts.

“fuck off.” billy muttered.

“mm, yeah, no. don’t think i will. you can’t get rid of me now, pretty boy. you’re stuck with me.” steve smirked. he leaned over and brushed stray blonde curls behind billy’s ear, watching the blush rise high on his cheeks.

[omigiry]

Sleepy 💤

Middle Blockers with a sleepy s/o 

warnings: none

━━━ 𝙏𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙞𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙢𝙖

He really doesn’t care if you fell asleep in class, but would compile notes for you if you ever did end up sleeping for the rest of the class.

Whenever you study together you’d always end up falling asleep as well or requesting for a nap.

He’s confused as to why you could sleep so much even if you get a whole 8 hours of sleep or even more. 

You yawned as your handwriting became unreadable, your eyes were starting to slowly close and your visions were blurry. It was a sign that you needed to sleep. 

“It’s only an hour into studying.” Tsukishima said as he saw you shaking your head trying to stay awake. Despite your sleepiness you still easily caught up on the lessons except for a particular subject that you hate. 

“No more studying, please. Sleep is needed.” 

“It’s only 8pm.” He loves to prolong a conversation when you’re sleepy just to see you suffering, but in reality he enjoyed your adorable whining expression. How you would pout, how your eyebrows creased together, and your eyes squinted. 

“Yeah, and it’s time for sleep.” 

“No, you need to finish this assignment first.” 

You grumbled at him and glared at the book in front of you.

“I can do it tomorrow. I’ll wake up by 4am and do it.” 

“I don’t trust you with that.” He said. If the subject is scheduled in the afternoon he knows that you would do tha assignment during break time. He knows that you could finish it, but cramming is not a good habit. 

“If you finish this right now, I’ll let you borrow my hoodie that you could sleep in.” With that statement coming out of his mouth it was enough to motivate you and try to stay awake as much as possible.

━━━ 𝙃𝙞𝙣𝙖𝙩𝙖

A sunshine. He would literally be beaming early in the morning.

When he visits your classroom during break he could see that you were sleeping at your desk. He would let you rest for a few minutes before waking you up to eat.

You couldn’t be mad at him for waking you up.

“Is (y/n) here?” Hinata asks one of your classmates. When they pointed to you, you were already sleeping at your desk. 

He entered the classroom and took the seat available in front of you. He puts his lunch box down and would just look at you while you sleep, sometimes he would play with your hair. 

20 minutes later, he wakes you up to have lunch together. You woke up with a frown on your face ready to fight whoever woke you up, but your expression quickly changed when you saw Hinata in front of you. 

“It’s time to have lunch. As much as sleep is important, eating is also important.” He said as he sets his lunchbox in front of you. 

You were blinking away the sleep from your eyes and grabbed your lunchbox as well.

He would start a conversation and by how he was smiling at everything he says to you, it helps you wake up. You hated the beam of the morning sun, but this was something you’d always want to wake up to.

━━━ 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙖𝙬𝙖

Annoys you whenever he sees you asleep in the classroom, but he would let you sleep in peace occasionally. 

Whenever you would fall asleep when he’s next to you he would let you lean on his shoulders. 

He tried giving you coffee every morning but it has no effect. You couldn’t drink straight black coffee so that was out of the option. 

First thing in the morning when he got to school, he saw you in class already asleep. It’s a surprise that you could come to school early just to sleep. 

He puts his bag down on his seat before he goes to you. He pokes your arm to wake you up and he will not stop until you do. 

You were slowly waking up and knew who’s annoying you first thing in the morning. 

“If you do not stop, I’ll break that finger.” You threatened him.

“Sheesh, no need to be violent. Can’t I just want to see your beautiful face?” 

You lifted your head and looked at him with a deadpan expression. He compliments you, but this one was something to annoy you. 

“Come on, let’s go buy some drinks. You're low on sugar.” He pulled you to get up and dragged you out of the classroom. You try to get away from his grip wanting to sleep more.

━━━ 𝙏𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙪

Already has so much energy first thing in the morning and it will not run out for the whole day. 

He would greet you with a smile and wants to talk to you about the latest chapter of manga he was reading but when he sees your head bobbing down he would stop talking and would gently lay down your head on the table. 

He may look sleepy but in reality you were the one who is actually sleepy. He may be playful and loves to tease whoever he is close with but he wouldn’t dare annoy you when you’re asleep. 

It was lunch break and Tendou was excitedly talking about his current favorite series. You were listening to everything said, afterall you also share the common interest. He would suggest some of his favorites that you haven’t checked out yet and tell you the gist of the series, characters, and some of his favorite arcs.

As you listened to him, your eyes were slowly closing. It’s not because you aren’t interested anymore, Tendou knows that, it was because of the time. You always feel sleepy after eating. 

“You always fall asleep when I’m getting on the good parts.” He says.

“Tell me more about it later. It seems interesting.” 

“Did you binge another series last night?”

You nodded and yawned. You doze off as he gently puts your head down on your desk.

━━━ 𝙆𝙪𝙧𝙤𝙤

Would also let you lean on his shoulders and offer an arm for you to hug. 

You’d always end up sleeping on your ride back home, and when it has gotten to a point where you missed your stop it was a wise decision to wait for Kuroo and go home together so he could wake you up. Sometimes you would end up also falling asleep while waiting for him.

He’d entwine your hands together if you fall asleep on his shoulder.

You were waiting for Kuroo to finish his practice as you finish your homework so you could sleep and relax once you get home. You were waiting for them by the court but when practice got intense and there would be a lot of stray balls you decided to go to the second floor of the gym and sat down there on the floor, since it was only a small walkway for people to watch from above.

Kuroo didn’t notice that you went there so when they were taking a break and did not see you at your usual spot, he was confused. If you went home early, you would inform him or at least wait for them to have a break so you could tell him. 

“Are you looking for (y/n)?” Coach Naoi asked. 

“Yes, have you seen her coach?” 

Coach Naoi pointed at where you were located and Kuroo went up there. He saw you leaning on the pillar of the wall with a notebook loosely held in your hands. Kuroo sighed and shook his head, but he found it adorable, he went back down to grab his jacket and put it over you.

He let you sleep peacefully as practice resumed and only woke you up once it was over. He was amazed that you could sleep through all the shouting they made when they play.

━━━ 𝙎𝙪𝙣𝙖

He’s also sleepy as much as you are. When he sees you asleep on your desk, he would also sleep next to you, he also puts his head down next to yours. 

When he realizes that you’re a sleepy head he starts to bring a small pillow for you so you could be comfortable. 

If both of you were sleeping, that means someone needs to wake you up before the teacher comes. The twins were the one who does this, and find the most annoying ways to wake you two up. 

There was a vacant hour because of an emergency meeting between the school faculty. Suna went to the lockers and grabbed the pillow he leaves there for you. He knows that if there’s a vacant time you would spend it either asleep or scrolling through your phone. 

Once he returned to the classroom he pulled his chair and put it next to you. 

“Already sleepy?” You asked him as he laid his head down on your desk.

Suna hummed. “Not yet, I’ll just sit next to you until I do. I’m pretty sure you’ll be the first one to fall asleep though.” He replied.

“Is that a bet?” 

“You guys are so weird, who would make a bet on who would fall asleep first?” Osamu commented. You both ignored him as you turned your attention back to your phone and Suna did so as well. “It’s like I’m invincible when these two are together.” Osamu sighed.

“You’re not the only one.” Atsumu added. 

Eventually you and Suna dozed off at the same time. Suna taking up the most space on your desk you ended up resting your head on his back. Five minutes before the next teacher comes to the classroom, Atsumu blasted loud music near your ear. When you woke up, you were ready to throw your shoes at him. Suna wouldn’t even stop you, in fact he would be the one encouraging you, along with Osamu, as he readies his phone to record the moment.

[domesticblisss]

Canvas

Jay White x Female Reader Rating: PG-13 Word Count: 1337 Warnings: Flufflity, fluffy, fluff. Sexual innuendos, cursing, friends to fwb to lovers, mutual pining. Summary: Jay is super tired after his flight back from Japan. A/N: Yeah, yeah, another one inspired by another Lana Del Rey song, what about it??? Again, doesn’t have much to do about the lyrics, it’s much more related to the vibes it gives off to me.

Jay uses the spare keys she gave him to get into her home. The house looked exactly the same from the previous times he visited: tidy, plants scattered around, the green foliage she loves so much taking space in every room. The colourful throw over blanket she kept on her cream couch was neatly folded and placed on its back rest. The house smelled like lavender and fresh baked cookies, and just like he suspected, a still warm batch of chocolate chip cookies waited for them on her kitchen counter. Things were too quiet though; he couldn’t hear the radio playing and her characteristic singing. He roamed around her one store home, looking for her. The bedroom? Empty. Bathroom? Empty. The laundry room? Empty, but the washer was working and still, nothing, no sign of her and her two dogs. 

He ran her schedule in his head. Saturday. 01:30pm. She probably already had lunch and would be watching something on Netflix or reading, maybe painting. Then it clicked, it is a sunny summer day. Go to the patio, Jay. 

There she was. In a loose t-shirt that she cut off the sleeves, jeans shorts, hair up in a messy up-do that knowing her like he did, was made in an angry state. She had a canvas in front of her, a brush in one hand and a paint palette in the other, softly stroking the canvas with a mint green paint. 

Bonnie and Clyde, her two italian greyhounds came running to him, their tails happily wagging. 

“Hello, children. I’ve missed you too. Let’s not make any noise, I wanna surprise your mother.” he crouched to greet them, and noticed she was wearing her airpods, probably lost in her own world with whatever song she was listening to. 

He kept looking at her, and the same thought he always had whenever he came back home from Japan ran through his head: “I’m a coward.”

See, to the eyes of a stranger, they could easily pass as a couple. Hell, even some of their closest friends thought they were a couple. 

They met during their ROH days, Jay, of course, a rising wrestler and her, a backstage interviewer. They hit it off instantly, turning into best friends in no time. One night after a few drinks in, some flirting happened, and that flirting turned into a kiss, that turned into mind-blowing sex. In the next morning, after a long conversation, they decided to become friends with benefits, since both of them had busy schedules, Jay now spending most of his time in Japan and her now a NXT backstage interviewer, they didn’t feel like getting into serious relationships, and what’s better than fucking their best friend, right? An easy going, drama free relationship that only benefited the them both and they could pursue other people if they wanted to. Win/win situation. 

The thing is, Jay was already head over heels for her and it only made his feelings grow bigger, but he decided to bury them deep, thinking it wasn’t reciprocated.

Spoiler alert: it was. 

He sets Clyde back down on the patio floor and slowly makes his way to her, being careful not make any sound to not ruin his surprise. 

“Hello, love.” he murmurs to her neck as he snakes his arms around waist, making her shriek and push him away. 

“What the fuck, Jay?! You scared me.” she tells him, pulling her airpods off. 

He laughs at her pained expression, holding one of her hands to her chest. 

“I’m sorry, darling, I wanted to surprise you.” he makes his way to her. 

“Colour me surprised, bastard.” she says and kiss him. “When did you arrive? I thought you were coming home tomorrow.”

“Well, pulled some strings and changed my flight, landed around 4am so I went straight to my place. Just got here though.”

“You look so tired.” she noticed the black circles around his eyes, a sign of multiple days of wrestling nonstop, a long flight and a probably poorly slept night. 

“Yeah, I woke up around 8:30 and couldn’t sleep anymore so I went to the gym. What are you doing over there?” he motions at the canvas. 

“You know this is not healthy, you should’ve had slept a bit before coming here. And I don’t know what I am doing. I was trying to just let it come to me but all I got is this sea of mint green.”

“It looks nice, calming. And I knew you could tire me up enough to knock me out.”

“Jay, seriously?” he laughed at her reaction, sitting down on the big, padded bench that they shared and slept on together several times before. 

She looked at him, really looked him. The beard was longer than the last time they saw each other, his hair had grown so much that the black had faded, and his greyish blonde roots were showing. He positioned his elbows on his knees, holding his head on his hands, with a tired, but satisfied look on his face. He looked almost childish, and she loved that this was a side of Jay the only her got to see. 

“I got an idea.” she suddenly said, grabbing some paint and a few brushes. “Take your shirt off and lie down on your stomach.”

“You know you don’t need to plot if you want to see me naked, just ask.”

She stopped what she was doing, looking him dead in the eyes. “Jay, lie down with your back facing up, please.”

“Fine. What are you doing?”

“You’re my canvas now.” she told him as she sat on his butt, positioning her legs on his sides. 

“You are painting me?”

“Yeah, I had a friend from the art course, and she would always do this to me when I had trouble sleeping or when my anxiety was off the roof. It’s very soothing.”

“Well, this feels very sexual. Fuck, that’s cold.” he exclaimed when he felt the first stroke down his back. 

“Sorry! But yeah, not gonna lie we did have sex a couple times after it.”

“You with a girl huh?”

“Don’t be gross, Jay.”

“Sorry, I’ll shut up now.”

He did and not even ten minutes later, he fell asleep. It took her a while to get the work done on his rather large back. She kept her strokes soft, as light as possible to not disturb him. Almost an hour later and his back was covered in blues, oranges, blacks, and yellows. She made sure to get off of him as slow as possible, to not wake him from his deep slumber. She gave him a few more minutes and got inside, to check in on her cookies and to take her clothes from the dryer. 

She got back to him about thirty minutes later, caressing his hair and calling his name to wake him up. 

“Are you done?” he asked. 

“Mhm.”

“How long was I out?”

“I don’t know, probably over one and a half hours.”

“What did you paint?” he asked turning his head trying to see what decorated his back now. 

“Look.” she showed him the picture she took on her phone. 

“You painted The Scream?!” his voice reaching that high pitched tone he used on his promos. 

“Yeah! It’s a beautiful Edvard Munch painting. And, you scream a lot so it’s very fitting.”

“I scream a lot? You think that I scream a lot?!” his tone rising up in a joking tone, as he pulled her to his lap, both of them laughing. 

His hands cradled her face and pulled her in, kissing her with all the love he could muster, hoping he would tell her everything he felt through his kiss. She’s the one to pull away, resting her forehead in his. 

“I love you.” he whispers, afraid of her reaction.

“I love you too.”

“I know we have an agreement and our schedules are crazy and–“

“It’s okay, Jay. We will figure it out.”

[the-crows-typist]

Hello! I recently read your azul's ficlet and i'm close to crying at how beautiful it is (its 4am emo hours). If its okay, may I request a ficlet of Jade with a gn!reader with the word 'sleep' or 'rest' (pick whichever suits better!). Thank you in advance! 💖

CW: Spoilers for the movie Your Name (Kimi no na wa), character death, body switching, angst with a happy ending, and slow burn (sort of)

Feedback in greatly appreciated!

Thank you to @opalmaplehibiscus , @jellyfishstuckinwonderland , and @raven-at-the-writing-desk for the input in the making of this fic. I greatly appreciate your help.

The Possibilities are Endless

“My name is..”

“Please remember me...!”

The crowds on the train pushed them apart, a braided bracelet was tossed towards Jade. A lifeline connecting both of them together, a connection between two souls; the face of one that was desperate to keep holding on, they yelled one last time just as the doors of the train closed and their grip on the bracelet wrap loosened.

“My name is—!”

Jade opened his eyes and he was in his room, his very dark room.  To his side was his closet and to the other a white wall. The sound of bubbling water churned behind the window of his dorm room and with one slow blink, he pulled himself up and hunched over.

The same dream, the same voice, the same bracelet tossed to him.

He craned his head to his lamp stand where the colorful wrap lay next to his earring, he doesn’t remember where he got it nor does he remember why he wanted to keep it for so long. He took the bracelet and looked at it and thought back to the voice in his dream.

“Please remember me...!”

Pushing himself off he moved to the mirror to fix his appearance, with his brush and hair gel in hand he let out a gasp when the lights of vanity shined light on a note. A note written on his cheek with a marker, a message he didn’t remember writing.

“Who are you?”

It was during breakfast that Jade began to notice the strange happenings around him, how Azul asked if he was feeling better or how Floyd said he was wearing his earring again. “What do you mean,” Jade questioned. “I always wear it.”

“You weren’t yesterday. And you looked so lost like some little guppy, you even forget how to get to class yesterday morning.” Floyd complained, eating his breakfast with a huff. “Was it a prank? Cuz’ you got me good.”

What was he doing yesterday?

He woke up, went to school...No. That wasn’t what happened. He didn’t recall anything from the previous day. In fact, he remembered being at  a different place.

In a city full of buildings and faraway from the sea, the familiar smell of white roses, the smile of an unfamiliar fellow and a bento box he had no recollection of him cooking or making.

His uniform wasn’t black but a cream with a tint of yellow, his magical pen was nowhere to be seen and was instead replaced with a pen nib brooch.  He touches his cheek, remembering the message written on his cheek. “Who are you?”

“C’mon, you gotta tell me.” Floyd pestered, his arm over Jade’s neck “Was it a prank?”

“Perhaps.” The twins laughed, Floyd pulling close but in his mind he thought of the message, his incapability to remember the previous day. He needed more answers but only questions filled his head.

His notes were a mess and full of sketches. There were sketches of Night Raven’s facade and the students, his classmates. A slew of messy messages on paper, the handwriting worrying as if the person writing was stressed beyond belief.

“The uniforms are black, the gems are pens.”

“Nothing but roses for miles.”

“Wishing well???”

“Where am I?”

“Mr Leech, please read the next line.”

“Yes, sir.”

Trein’s brow raised and he blinked. “Well, today you actually remember your name. Perhaps you were just feeling ill.” A hum of laughter passed through the class. “And your hair is fixed as well; I was beginning to think you and your brother switched places when you came into class with a messy bed head.”

Jade blinked, tilting his head. “I...see. I’ll make sure to not make that mistake again, professor.”

“Good. Continue on reading.”

“Magic transcends all meaning when twilight occurs, when the sun and the moon share the sky for a single moment.” Trein explained, using a magical pointer. “The word twilight means ‘half-light’ when the light of the sun glows and causes refraction in the atmosphere and signaling the end of the morning and welcoming of night or visa versa. At times like this does magic become unpredictable and free-forming and when realities begin to overlap each other for the time twilight occurs. This was used to the advantage of the earliest magician in recorded history.”

Trein faced his students. “Nowadays, these times of day are known as dusk and dawn as the world twilight has fallen out of favor in recent years.”

“It’s probably because of that one book.” A student yelled from the rows behind and Trein nodded his head. “Ah, yes, ten years ago was an odd time for the word ‘twilight’.” Trein blinked, shaking his head slightly. “Who would have thought the human body produced so much diamonds but that is beside the point.” The bell rang and the students began taking their books. “Be sure to read up on your lesson today, we will be having a quiz tomorrow on the topic.”

Jade stayed in his seat for some time and stared at the diagram on the board.

Twilight.

In the back of his mind, a flash of a memory comes to him. He remembers a train stopping by and the droves of people coming in and out. Jade was alone that time, buying something some seeds or fungi. The sun was setting at the time, the yellow sun turning orange and the sky dimming to a nightly violet.

“Jade.”

He didn’t know the person who called out his name nor did he remember what they looked like but he did remember the smile they had, as if they were looking for him for a long time, it was a  face relief. 

“It’s me.”

He didn’t know who this person was nor did he ever remember their face and yet, at that instant he seemed to have known them his entire life. In his heart was a feeling of warmth, of glee, of content and relief; he was confused by it all. A strike of panic pierced his heart when that smile turned into a confused and upset frown. “You don’t...remember me..?”

The next stop came and people began filing out, pushing the two of them away from each other. “Jade, please remember me!” They said as they were pushed out by the crowd. Reaching up, they pulled the braided tie from their hair and threw it out of him. “Please remember me..!”

He caught the braided tie just as the other let go and doors began to close.

“My name is—!”

“Is there something wrong, Mr Leech?” He blinked, looking to Trein with confusion. He had missed the door and stood by the wall of the classroom. “Ah—I’m sorry.” There was a hissy laugh from Lucius as Trein set him down on the table to collect his papers. “You seem to be in deep thought, is there something on your mind?”

“No, professor, I was just thinking about our topic today.” Jade lied through his teeth and Trein took it with a huff. “I know twilight is a regular phenomenon but I didn’t know that it was an important time of day for mages and magicians.” A nod came from his professor. “Many people nowadays don’t see its importance as magical materials and magic itself have grown and changed over time. With the new technology and the new breakthroughs we have, the archaic practices of the past have since then been abandoned.”

Trein looked to the window and Jade followed his gaze, the sun began to set and the color of orange and violet painted the sky. “Twilight has begun.” Picking up his beloved cat, Trein stretched his back and moved to face the student in front of him. “It’s best to get back to your dorm, you might miss the curfew.”

“Professor, have you ever experienced anything during twilight? Like the way you’ve explained it during class?” Jade asked suddenly, his professor’s eyes widened then looking to the side to think for a moment. “I have but they were more of dreams than the otherworldly claims of recording happenings. I would often see myself in another person’s shoes, seeing a world I did not know about, it wasn’t a pleasant experience but...It was interesting, for a dream at least.”

“I see. Thank you very much, professor. I’ll be on my way.”

He stared at his messy notebook unblinking, the messy handwriting and the sketches were foreign to him. He drew a few doodles but he never put any detail to it nor was he able to do sketches of his peers in movement.

“Where am I?”

Taking his pen, Jade wrote a message. What had happened to him wasn’t a dream, he knew that and he knew that what he was about to do wasn’t a sure fire guarantee that whoever wrote this will see it but the unpredictability of the situation allowed him to push through with an eagerness to see the end results.

“You are in Night Raven College. My name is Jade.”

The night loomed over the dorm, the once blue waters a dark purple and tinge of black. Twilight has ended. Jade closes his eyes for a moment and sighed, thinking back about the lesson and to the confused glances of his peers.

“Please remember me...!” The voice begged, the image of a braided bracelet flowing through the air as it flew towards him. Tugging his sleeve, the bracelet was wrapped around his wrist snugly; its design was simple and bright mix of blue, yellow, and red.

“Please remember me...!”

Jade tugs his sleeves back down, only stepping out of to his bed when he felt tired. The bracelet was removed from his wrist and sat next to him.

“My name is—!”

The voice echoed through his mind, he felt that he should remember it,  he felt like he should know who it was, and all he felt was frustration and eagerness to see this unpredictable situation through. He closed his eyes wanting to rest his eyes rather than sleep.

“So this is what Night Raven College looks like. It’s very pretty, your uniforms are very pretty too but I’m not used to the environment there. It’s probably because of the walls or the silence.”

It had been a few days since the messaging through the notebook began with Jade and his pen pal, of sorts.  It seemed that his new pen pal had been observing weird happenings to them too. Their classmates telling them of their weird behaviors, one time all they ate were mushrooms.

“I don’t even like mushrooms and because of you I ate a whole lot of them in just one day!”

It seemed that his odd dreams of seeing another world unlike his own weren’t dreams after all. The white and yellow uniforms, the sweet smell of lilies, and the pen nib brooch all pointed to Royal Swords Academy. Apparently the person he switched bodies with studied there.

“And I was told that I ate eel for lunch and it upset my brother. It seems both of us are even on this regard.”

He always wrote messages on his notebook the moment he got home and he preferred it that way rather than waking up to writings on his face and arms. The marker ink was hard to wash off, even with large amounts of sudsy soaps.

“We have a notebook to communicate for a reason, please use that.”

“I like writing on your hand, Jade.”

There were moments that he expressed frustration with them, even anger but that soon dissipated into childish antics of messages written on skin, eating disgusting foods they came to like, and a bond that transcended physical reality. They were from two different worlds and yet, here they were being friends.

All this was just like a dream to him.

“Hey, about that braided bracelet...Where did you get it? I had one just like it before it disappeared; I used to wear it on my hair.”

“I’m afraid I don’t have an answer to that. It just came with me, I suppose. I couldn’t part with it for some reason so I’ve been wearing it ever since.”

“I guess we just so happened to have the same braided tie, huh? Hehehe!”

After class, Jade went to experience the twilight hour for once and see the students filter out of school and run about. It was the end of the week and it was a time for fun, brooms flew overhead and magical swirls of dust were thrown about by fun-loving students.

“What I like about your school is that none of you are afraid to get dirty and have fun.” He remembered his pen pal writing. “I love RSA but the uniforms and the rules we live by stop us from having fun like all of you there in NRC.”

He couldn’t blame them, RSA had some rules to go by and the uniforms really stopped them from having fun too. The chaos that he saw in RSA wasn’t like those in NRC, not by a long shot but he could see the charm it had in it despite the difference in school life.

Jade wanted them to experience this first hand one day. In their own body, of course.

 He went back to his room when the sun had disappeared and the moon stood in its place. Sitting by the notebook, he took his magical pen from his pocket and began writing his response to his pen pal’s recent message. 

“RSA has beautiful scenery, there’s no doubt about it. It’s a nice change of pace from the gothic feel NRC has, I find it rather peaceful. Though the sudden music lessons do tend to throw me off but that is something I will eventually come to get used to.

He tapped his pen on his desk, humming at his short reply. He looked at his wrist; the braid coiled around his wrist and was vibrant under the yellow light of his lamp. Unlike them, he never really gave hints of what his school life was about nor did he give details of what it was like to spend a day in RSA.

“We had a lesson about the magical phenomena known as Twilight. Apparently around that time, magic becomes different and realities begin to overlap...Do you think that’s what’s causing us to switch bodies?”

 “Twilight...I’ve heard of that phenomenon too! It actually makes sense, maybe that’s what's causing it but if it’s really true then that’s some real strong magic!” 

Jade slept that late that night, the braided tie next to his forehead. For once, he didn’t dream of the train station but of a hand coming up to take his own. No, it wasn’t his hand, it was his pen pal’s hand, and it grasped softly then tugged for him to follow. 

He was on a mountain, the sky glittering with millions upon millions of stars. It was a beautiful sight, his eyes widening as the stars grew closer and closer, the heat around him rising and rising; burning his skin and singing his hair. The world around him was destroyed and the last thing he heard was the terrified scream of someone he was beginning to hold dear. 

He awoke with a gasp, his eyes tearful and his lungs out of breath. Next to him were a concerned Azul and his brother Floyd. “We could hear you gasping from the hallway.” Azul explained but Jade kicked off his covers and ran to his desk, his notebook, their means of communication was empty. The messages he had collected with them were gone and only his own remained.

His brother tugged at his shoulder. “Look at me.” He was whirled around, their foreheads touching. “Breathe. You’re gonna give yourself an attack if you don’t breathe.” 

He closed his eyes, leaning against his brother to breathe harshly. A pair of hands pats his back, Azul’s and Floyd’s, in an act of comfort but none of their touches reached Jade. He was too confused, too shaken up, too anxious. “It was just a bad dream.”

A dream...

What he had seen in the eyes of his pen pal was all a dream...?

Pen pal?

“It’s best that you get some more rest.” Azul said, pulling Jade back to his bed. “I’ll explain to the teachers what happened to you.” Floyd nudged him down and pulled the covers up until his brother’s chin. “We need you well rested, Jade. We’ll have the others check on you every once in a while.”

He forced himself to breathe slowly and carefully, his eyes screwed shut and thoughts in a whirlwind. His memories scrambling and confusing, he tries to remember the train station, the lake that was on RSA’s sloping hills and the falling meteorite.

Had there been a meteor shower? There was no news of it, no indication.

A hand caressed his head, shushing his sounds to silence. 

“Sleep, Jade.”

The next day, Jade spent all his time in the library with books about stars and meteors and sleep being the furthest thing from his mind. He poured through the articles about meteor showers, checking online news sites, and pouring through scientific documents.

Nothing.

No recent reports of a meteor shower anywhere near the area of RSA or NRC. 

A frustrated sigh left Jade’s lips and he held his head with a huff, burying his fingers into his hair when a fluffy tail rubbed and pawed against his arm. “Good to see you’re up and about, Mr Leech.” Trein stood over him as Lucius stepped over the articles to sit on one of the books. 

“I didn’t know you were taking a liking to astronomy.” The professor commented, taking an article and reading through it. “Meteor showers, eh? I haven’t seen those for some time. The last one was beautiful but also very tragic.”

“What do you mean, professor?” Jade stared up at his teacher, slightly surprised.

“You weren’t in NRC at the time this happened but there was a meteor shower that passed by Twisted Wonderland, it was a festive time...But that soon became a tragedy when a fragment broke off from one of the passing meteorites.” He sighed, closing his eyes and setting the paper down. “Though NRC and RSA have been rivals for a long time, I can’t bear to think such a catastrophic event would happen to them.”

His heart skipped a beat, eyes wide in surprise. “You mean to say...”

“A meteorite fragment fell on RSA three years ago, specifically on the field just outside the school where some students were watching the shower. Those poor children...” 

The white crystal of his magical pen glowed bright and Jade pushed himself off his chair, figure hunched forward and head hung low. Lucius let out a meow as he scrambled away from the student. “Mr Leech, what are you doing?” Trein demanded but his voice fell on deaf ears, Jade remembers his last dream, the last time he switched bodies. He remembers the falling meteorite, the scream that wasn’t his own, he remembers them.

His pen pal.

In a burst of magic, Jade disappeared from his position leaving a scared Lucius and a confused and upset Mozus Trein.

The landscape around him was heavy, the crater left by the meteorite was massive and no traces of life were seen within the impact zone. The memory of the meteorite fragment falling right on top of his pen pal, killing them instantly played again and again in his head. Jade, normally so aloof and calm, fell to his knees.

They died. 

They died where he stood.

For the first time in a long while, Jade screamed his heart out. A wail of agony loud enough to echo through the empty void that was essentially his pen pal resting place. He sunk to his knees and continued crying until his throat became hoarse and painful.

He laid on his side as the sun went down, the braided tie peeked out of his blazer. 

“Please remember me—!”

The train station...Was that a dream too? What had he been doing when he was in there? What was he there for?

Who was calling out his name.

“Jade...?”

The sun set over him, the sky turning orange and violet. It was twilight hour.

 “Jade..”

“Jade.”

 There was a touch to his shoulder and a soft shake. His head turned, his eyes widened. A student from RSA stood over him. They smelled of white lilies, uniform a mix of white and yellow, and their magical crystal a pen nib brooch. There was a familiar gleam in their eyes, a smile he came to know from the many days they had switched bodies. 

His pen pal smiled at him, offering their hand for him to take. “It’s really you, Jade. It’s actually you.” 

They laughed, pulling Jade into a hug; his tall figure dwarfing them easily as they hugged his chest. Jade sighed, returning the hug soon after and rocking each other back and forth for a few moments the sun shined in the horizon.

“I thought I lost you, y’know?” They said, looking up at him. “I just...I suddenly couldn’t reach you.” 

“I thought you had died. I saw the meteor fall on you.”

They looked at each other for a moment and a laugh was shared, their foreheads linked together soon after. “I know but...somehow, maybe...I don’t really know what happened to me. I just couldn’t reach you to tell you what happened on that day. I nearly forgot about you and I cried for days wondering why.”

Pulling away, they looked down to Jade’s wrist. “Hey, that bracelet...”

“You gave it to me in the train station.”

It was all coming back to him now. This person, his pen pal, was someone he held dear for a long time.

He felt comfort.

“Oh yeah! I did, didn’t I?”

“Do you want it back?”

“No. Keep it.”

The two held hands for some time but were immediately thwarted by them pulling out a marker. “Hey, why don’t we write our names? That way, if we ever forget each other there’ll always be a reminder. Ah, but I don’t have any paper with me...”

Jade offered his palm, his smile teasing and knowing. “You always liked writing on my skin.”

They shared another laugh and the marker’s cap was pulled off, Jade looking over the horizon as they wrote their name on his palm. “Your turn.” 

He took the pen from them and as soon as he wrote the starting strokes of his name, the marker fell from his grasp.

The twilight hour had ended and the moon took over the sky.

“Eh...? What am I...doing...?” 

Jade was found by his peers not long after, taking him in and letting him rest as they descended the crater near RSA. Mozus Trein was their chaperone, explaining to the staff of the rival school and covering his own students.

“Someone he knew died here,” He explained, looking at Jade being covered with a blanket by his brother. Jade’s eyes were closed and he leaned against him, clearly exhausted from the ordeal and exposure to the elements.

“I’m very sorry to hear that, professor.” Said one RSA’s employees, brows upturned and frowning deep. “The meteorite crash was a very tragic event for all schools. I can’t imagine how much grief that young boy has gone through knowing that a friend of his died that day.”

“I hope you can look the other way on this. I know we shouldn’t come into each other’s premises without proper—“ 

“It’s quite alright. I’ll explain the situation to the headmaster once everything has settled.”

Floyd pulled his brother to his chest and stood up, Azul placing a hand on his back. 

“Let’s go home, Jade.” 

Jade wasn’t alone that night, Floyd and Azul wouldn’t allow him to be alone. They slept next to him, keeping him company but while the two slept, he couldn’t. The moon shone against his window and gave his room a very soft blue glow. He raised his hand to his face, the message from someone he held dear was still visible but slightly smudged.

“Thank you.”

Bitterness rose in his chest and to his throat, his brows furrowed in frustration. The tears forming stung his eyes.

“You idiot,” he brought his palm to his face, sniffling. “I can’t remember you this way.”

A year had passed and the dreams stopped coming after that night. Jade had picked up the habit of sitting outside during twilight hour, watching the set and holding the bracelet that never left his wrist for more than a second. He wore it everywhere he went but when asked; he never had a proper reason for it.

“I feel complete wearing it.”

The yearly magical shift festival brought troves of customers and onlookers, Jade and his brother sat on a bench and let their legs rest after a long day. “I’m gonna go get something to eat. You want anything?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ll buy some myself.” 

“’Kay.”

Jade was left alone after that and he closed his eyes for a moment, his nose taking in the different smells of food and perfumes.

There was a familiar smell of white lilies.

“Excuse me.” 

A person stood in front of him, holding a brochure. They were a uniform of white and yellow and a pen nib brooch. They smiled at him and familiar warmth bloomed in his chest. “I don’t mean to disturb you or anything.” 

Their smile was sheepish but it felt as if he’d seen it somewhere before.

“Do we know each other by any chance?”

“I think so.” Jade’s smile was easy and suddenly their eyes began to water. “I had a feeling we did.”

“Hey,” Jade reached over and intertwined their hands, the bracelet’s colors were vibrant against his skin and theirs.

“May I…”

“Can I…”

“...Know your name?”