#and then I also just wanted to draw ominous River because she deserves to be scary (and is sometimes)

[circusballoon]

THE GIRLS!! (including Psavine. He's sometimes a girl)

@erradox's and my OCs: Psavine, Miyanscinma, and River! Psavine and Miyanscinma are flirty friends and shapeshifters, and Miyanscinma and River are chosen family/in a magical pact.

These three extremely theatrical gremlins deserved some love

[the-letterbox-archives]

file (1)ALL-56-0190: most likely to

i've been sent this one a lot, glad i finally got around to it! this is a 'most likely to' tag game, where you answer which of your characters is most likely to do a certain thing as per the prompt. everyone's in the ring for this one!

thank you @the-golden-comet, @drchenquill, @urnumber1star, @willtheweaver, @ominous-feychild,

@paeliae-occasionally, @moltenwrites, and @gioiaalbanoart for tagging me!!

(warning: very long post)

1) most likely to faint

laszlo is pretty-fainting-victorian-woman coded, so i’d have to say him. sorry, bud.

2) most likely to enjoy art

if we mean creating art, it’s sunny (i hc she does nature/animal drawings in her spare time), if we mean appreciating art, it’s yaromyr (because he’s a softie and loves a good painting).

3) most likely to hate sports

daphne all the way. she has faked many sicknesses to get out of pe.

4) most likely to freeze if faced with something scary

either sunny or laszlo in the canon of their stories, but overall i’d go with ven.

5) most likely to eat the last bite of something

eira, he’s always got to have the last piece.

6) most likely to start an argument

so many of them. faye, sunny, sissy, sinon, danareth, eira, austine, maybe laszlo, and dulcinea, to single out some of the worst offenders.

7) most likely to own a cat

ven is a cat person for sure, theophania as well, though more in spirit, since it’d be hard for her to take care of one.

8) most likely to swim across a large river/channel without getting fatigued

possibly faye could do it with enough adrenaline, but sinon could fly over it…

9) most likely to not be a morning person and hates getting woken up too early

THIS IS LITERALLY VEN’S EVERYDAY LIFE.

10) most likely to learn a subject a day before exams (and still nailing it)

darcy does it on the regular.

11) most likely to pick up a stray animal

faye, because she’s adopted many frogs, but darcy and laszlo would if given the opportunity.

12) most likely to fall for a prank

sissy’s entire life is a prank.

13) most likely to pull an accidental all-nighter

tie between daphne and dulcinea, they are not good at self care.

14) most likely to get stranded on an island and thrive

sinon, he could use the privacy.

15) most likely to get bullied by a random child

johnnie, but she deserves it.

16) most likely to win an athletic event

hnnngh, nobody?

17) most likely to become a con artist

theophania, although she doesn’t really want to (she often is, though).

18) most likely to get lost in their own home

danareth, for the sole fact that the miyokav castle is HUGE and he never quite got his head around all of it.

19) most likely to burn something while cooking

laszlo, faye, willow, and austine can’t cook to save a life.

20) most likely to stop a robbery if they see it taking place

nobody i think, it’s entirely likely that they’d all either think it’s a) not their place, b) the robber needed the money, c) think they couldn’t do anything or d) it’d be funnier if it happened.

21) most likely to not tell people they’re sick until they really need the help

laszlo and sunny in canon, willow, alastair, and theophania by virtue of their personalities, and ven (without meaning to).

22) most likely to crush on their villain/enemy

sasha (it’s the stockholm syndrome).

23) most likely to skip breakfast

all of the teenagers.

24) most likely to have a niche obsession

danareth and yaromyr, also alastair!

25) most likely to steal what they need on moment

all the dumaresq kids.

26) most likely to start a fight

sissy and sinon whenever the other is in the same room as them.

27) most likely to do something that they’re gonna regret later

*side eyes all the protagonists*

28) most likely to arrive ridiculously early

sinon and laszlo, those meticulous mfs.

29) most likely to be in a relationship for less than a week

daphne WISHES!

30) most likely to secretly be really good at music, but just not tell anyone

lady, but mostly because she has no one to tell.

leaving this one an open tag, feel free to use the prompts i was given or make up your own!

tag list for the sillies: (avoiding double tag but i may have missed some)

@wyked-ao3, @48lexr, @melpomene-grey, @thecrazyalchemist, @thecomfywriter,

@.moltenwrites, @yourpenpaldee, @glassfrogforest, @.the-golden-comet, @.gioiaalbanoart,

@.paeliae-occasionally, @.ominous-feychild, @.drchenquill, @tc-doherty, @corinneglass

[thebibliomancer]

Song of the Dark Crystal liveblog pt 10

Song of the Dark Crystal by J.M. Lee because DON’T TRUST WHO??

Last times in book: Kylan, Naia, Tavra, and Gurjin are on their way to Aughra’s High Hill to enlist her help in warning all Gelfling of the Skeksis’ drinking problem. I.e. they like to drink people. On the way up the hill, Kylan spots some dream-etching in a spider nest that says DO NOT TRUST HER. Vaguely ominous!

Chapter 10

Naia talks to some more plants. The party meets Aughra. Ha ha.

Aughra’s High Hill was not casually named. Within the mountainous forest, it was the highest point in all the land, near where the Black River originated, closest to the suns and moons and stars. Not a high hill, but the High Hill.

Good reason for it to be named like that then.

‘Aughra lives on the high hill’ ‘Oh, which one?’ ‘I don’t think you understand. When I say the high hill i mean THE high hill.’

Anyway, after all that stuff about reading writing under a spider web, Tavra doesn’t even care enough to ask. Gurjin does but Naia just tells him they’re not sure what it meant.

With Naia spending time chatting with Gurjin, it leaves Kylan nothing to do but think which he decides is his role.

If that was his job in all of this, then he would gladly take on the burden.

Its a lonely job possessing the sole pair of braincells to rub together ha ha (just joshing obvs)

Kylan thinks about that mysterious DO NOT TRUST HER message but he can’t really get anywhere on that ponderation so instead decides to ask Tavra what she meant when she said spiders hate Gelfling.

“Spiders hate Gelfling... All Vapra know this.”

“They hate us? All of them?”

“Oh yes. From the death-stingers to the crystal-singers.”

This was news to Kylan, though on reflection he’d never had a conversation with any spider before. The idea that an entire race might loathe his own was discomfiting. He wasn’t even sure what a crystal-singer spider was.

He asks why spiders hate Gelfling but Tavra just tells him to ask the next time he sees a spider. Which is a weird answer.

So I’ve changed my suspicion for what’s up with Tavra from ‘something something Skeksis’ to ‘something something Skeksis but definitely think she’s Spider-Tavra.’

I think the books and the show are following at least the same vague outline so I figure with all the opinions she has on spiders all of a sudden, she might be being controlled by one.

Later, Tavra tells the group they’ll reach Aughra’s by evening and asks if they’ve prepared what they’re going to say to her.

“I plan to tell her the situation and see if she has advice. Is there more to it than that?”

“You’re about to speak to Mother Aughra, the Ram-Horned. The mouth of Thra. She was born of the world, both child and mother. She has seen Thra before the Gelfling were but sprouts in the garden of all creatures. You would speak to her so casually?”

“I’ll speak to her like I’d speak to anyone else,” Naia said. “With respect -- if she deserves it.”

God, Naia is great. Its that Drenchen upbringing. The hard-talk. Just cut right to the point.

Gurjin points out that Aughra probably respects hard-talk since it’s the language of the natural world.

Which I kinda see? As a point?

Tavra just shakes her head at this but doesn’t really object. She doesn’t even want to be here so at best she’s disappointed on principle.

Kylan, almost passive protagonist but definitely a socially withdrawing protagonist that he is, doesn’t add to the conversation. Just thinks anxious thoughts.

Aughra was said to be wise, to know all things -- but as Tavra had said, she might already know about the Skeksis. Worse, she might already know and yet have done nothing. The Gelfling were her favored children, as their lore sang time and time again, but those songs had been written by the Gelfling. Did Aughra think of the Gelfing as much as any flower in her garden? Would she be equally content to see one creature devour another, if it, too, were part of the circle of life?

Its an interesting idea there about the Gelfling being her favored children, according to Gelfling. Like, oh geez what if we overestimated ourselves?

(Although the minor good point to add to this anxiety ramble is that the Skeksis aren’t part of the natural order. So there’s that.)

Gurjin also thanks Kylan for keeping Naia company and helping her in the woods during that whole Gurjin heroic sacrifice thing.

Kylan: “I’m glad you’re alive. I’m glad we all are.”

Aw, friends.

They reach the finger vines as mentioned in Rian’s warning.

Thick orange vines covered the cliff wall in front of them, finger-shaped and tangled like rope that had been left too long to its own devices. No further pathways led deeper into the crag, but Kylan could feel a draft coming from behind the vines. There was a tunnel there but they would have to pass through the overgrowth, and if one part of Rian’s instructions had stayed with Kylan, it was to stay away from the finger-vines.

Tavra hucks a rock into the vines and they immediately tangle about it before dropping it as inedible.

So, I’m pretty sure that these are the same vines that Jen will eventually blunder into. It’s not his fault, he didn’t have a helpful Rian in his life.

I wonder how long the vines take to eat something. Jen is lucky that Aughra was literally right around the corner when he got caught.

I’m honestly a bit surprised that finger-vines are a specific predatory plant and not just. Something Aughra set up to discourage solicitors.

Oh my god, I’m once again blown away by Jen going to visit Aughra in his quest without any idea of her significance. The UrRu never even told him that (for all practical purposes) god lived a day down the road.

I’m sure they did their best but wow. He has holes in his education.

I’m getting off-track.

Naia tries calling for Aughra through the vines but this time she’s not lurking right around the corner so that doesn’t work.

Tavra was unimpressed and unsurprised, almost smug at the situation.

I’m glad that you’re probably a spider, Tavra, because you are being a bummer.

She again calls this whole trip a waste of time which annoys Naia into wing flicking. Love the wing body language but now I’m wondering what specific muscles correspond to that. I guess if your back stiffens... yeah, that makes sense.

Anyway, Naia is so annoyed that she decides to dreamfast with a plant again. She just goes and puts her hands on the vines and instead of entangling her, they do not do that.

Kylan had learned the language of the Landstriders, as all Spriton did. Tavra had certainly learned the tongue of other creatures as well, in her training to serve the All-Maudra. But those were languages spoken on the tongue, in sets of words and phrases. Naia’s unique ability to dreamfast with creatures other than Gelfling let her speak in the universal song of the heart.

This is neat!

It expands on Kira’s beastmastery. At least in the novelization, it’s mentioned during Jen and Kira’s dreamfast that Kira’s podmom Ydra taught her the language of animals.

And apparently it used to be a thing for some Gelfling to learn. But not as much as Kira! Ydra knew a lot!

Anyway, after dreamfasting with a plant again, the vines open like a curtain to let the four Gelfling (or four Gelfling and a spider??) enter.

At the end of the tunnel they find a door to Aughra’s Sweet Orrery.

(Just imagine the Dark Crystal theme in your head)

Most impressive was the enormous moving contraption that occupied the center of the chamber. It filled the space of the room with dozens of huge spheres, mounted on poles and swooping arms. The machine rotated and gyrated like a living thing, spheres orbiting spheres, circling yet other spheres, all of it shining in bronze, copper, iron, and glistening stones. Clearly, the grating sounds emanated from the machine, and the movement of its pieces stirred the air so it felt as though there were a breeze, even inside the crystal dome.

“Amazing,” Kylan breathed.

He recognized some of the symbols etched deep into the metals: the symbols that represented the Three Brothers, others that represented the elements of the earth and water, air and fire.

“Its the path of the stars,” he said. “The suns, and...”

Then Aughra pops up from behind a book tower.

And she is amazing.

“What, you just gonna stare? Walk right into my home just to stare, did you? Maybe you should draw a picture, take it with you!”

This is exactly the kind of Aughra I was hoping for.

Also, the way she speaks the Gelfling language (the single Gelfling language that exists I guess?) with what sounds like an ancient accent to Kylan. Although I’m not sure how he would know, I’d bet he’s right.

Naia takes the lead and tells Aughra that they’re here to ask for her help, calling her Mother Aughra.

“Mother Aughra, eh? Ask for my help, eh? Why is it you Gelfing only call Aughra Mother when you need help? That’s what children do, I guess... I guess that’s what they do.”

‘You never call, you never write’ hahaha

This is quality Aughra content.

With her grump helpfully communicated, she takes note of the party and grumps some more, noting that they only have a Spriton, a Vapra, and a Drenchen.

“Hmph. Three out of seven ain’t bad. It’s still soon. Where are the others?”

And when they don’t have any idea what she means:

“What others, he asks? What others? The other clans, of course! Gelfling gathering. What else is there to know?”

Its like when you arrive to the final dungeon without a full party and the NPC is like ‘lol no go hit some more plot flags’

Aughra sat heavily on her table stool, as if hoping they might go away if she ignored them long enough.

I don’t know how many ways I can say how great this is.

I’m living for it. Unlike Jen, these Gelfling know that Aughra isn’t some random grumpy mountain woman. She’s basically god and she’s behaving like a cranky grandmother. Kylan can’t even warp his head around how different from his expectations this is turning out to be.

I also guess it answers in this continuity whether Aughra was so grumpy in the movie because she’d lost much of her hope after the Gelfling were all but wiped out. It turns out: no, she’s Just Like That.

When a thousand ++ trine you reach, be so nice you will not.

But since they don’t just leave, Aughra decides she will say more things.

“Come on, then, Gelfling. Children. Aughra already knows what you want to know. Whether it’s what you want to hear, though, hmph! Might not be.”

Oh, this sidequest is shaping up beautifully.

J.M. Lee, you have done a marvelous job.

[clairelutra]

How about Akirann for Monster/Monster Hunter/Monster Tamer AU?

send me an au for a short fic

full admission that i no longer have any idea what i’m doing

Being a vampire granted Akira a certain kind of immortality that was dead useful for monster hunting, but (perhaps understandably) something he didn’t really want spread around, especially among the clients that hired him to hunt, well. Monsters.

That meant trying to fake the song and dance of being very careful around the siren he’d been hired to put down.

Sirens were a subset of charm-witches, likely but not necessarily humanoid, who sang a deadly song to lure men to their deaths. Truly a terrifying prospect if you didn’t have magical immunity, or so he’d gathered from the the pale faces of the villagers who lived next to the inlet where she resided.

(There’s only been one casualty in the whole time she’d been here, which was making him doubt that this was a siren at all. It could also be a lost mermaid who liked to sing, a lonely river nymph, or even just an average copycat with bad luck. Hell, it could be a human for all the evidence the villagers were willing to part with.

Still. They were paying him. The commission he got would pay for his Phantom Thief guild membership for another year. His pride wasn’t above that.)

All this to say that it was with less trepidation that he maybe should have felt that he tracked the pretty tune that lurked at the edge of the glade down to the water’s edge

The target in question was classically seated naked on a rock, almost definitely a siren, and looking very lonely indeed as she swished her bare toes in the waves.

...Wasn’t he supposed to be immune to charm spells?

All he wanted to do was...

Mmmm, bad line of thought. He shook off the distraction and reached for his silver bullets, quietly loading his gun and cocking it at the siren.

She looked up sharply at the noise, locking slit golden eyes with his own grey, and he waited out that one suspended moment.

(Sirens never failed to surprise, and it had been far too long since he’d had a fight.)

Then she squawked, jumped, and flailed ungracefully until she crashed face first into the water, barely submerged in the shallows.

Akira slowly lowered the gun, bemused.

...Well.

He had said that sirens never failed to surprise.

She just laid there for a second, then lurched up and backwards, shooting one highly alarmed glance in his direction before scrambling behind the rock with a rather unstealthy series of splashes.

“Um, don’t shoot?” she squeaked once hidden.

He’d be honest here; he’d never met a siren who used ‘charmingly inept’ as a seduction tactic.

(It was working, though. He had to give her that.)

“Are you the siren that’s been haunting that village over there?”

“Um...” she said, and peeked around the rock. Her single visible eye had gone from gold to sky blue. “Kiiiind of? I-it’s a long story.”

“I was hired to exterminate you,” he informed her mildly. It was a much less appealing prospect than it had been before he’d heard her speak, but, well. Siren. That was the whole point. “You’ve been luring men to their deaths.”

“Oh, come on!” she snapped. Her head disappeared behind the rock again, this time with a scowl. “It was just one! And he deserved it!”

“Did he?” All the reports he’d heard of Baron Kamoshida had been glowing. Most were horrified and heartbroken that he was gone.

“My best friend. He ruined her. Death was too kind.”

It was spoken in the flat, hard tone of someone who’d run the question over in their mind many times and come to the same conclusion every repetition.

“...Touché.”

She sighed, sounding exhausted, then: “Oh! Maybe you’d know—is there any way to unbecome a siren? He’d already been after me, so charm spells seemed like the best way to get to him, but I didn’t realize I’d transform until after I drowned him.”

The scars Father Shido had left on his neck burned for a moment, then he said, “Afraid not.”

“Darn it.”

It was such a mild response for someone who’d been cursed with immortality that he blinked. Come to think of it, Kamoshida had only turned up as a corpse a couple of years ago, hadn’t he?

“...How old are you, again?”

“Uhh... well, I was sixteen, but it’s been kind of a while since then, y’know? I lost track. Can’t be too much older than that, though.” She paused. “Maybe I’m still sixteen.”

“Baron Kamoshida died two years ago,” he said, deadpan-flat.

“Oh!” A forehead, a pair of bright blue eyes, tangled blonde hair, and several fingers became visible over the top of the rock. “Then I’m eighteen... I think. Is it November yet?”

“Next month.”

“Seventeen,” she amended, then poked her whole head over the rock, apparently having forgot about the gun. “How old are you?”

“Around two hundred,” he said vaguely. Definitely closer to three hundred, but still technically two hundred-something. Probably. He should probably check on that.

“Wow...” Her eyes were wide as saucers.

Seventeen might technically be an adult for a human in these times, but...

Innocent.

He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he pulled the trigger here. He wasn’t even entirely sure he’d be able to live with himself if he walked away at all.

(If Sojiro hadn’t picked him up by the scruff and set him on his feet when he’d first been turned...)

He heaved a silent sigh, then started unloading his gun, clapping the bullets into his gloved palm and putting them back in their pouch. That done, he met her gaze and tilted his head in a gesture for her to come over.

She shrank down. “I’m not really dressed for company. Or dressed at all.”

I noticed. It was surprising that she cared about it, though.

...Though. Come to think of it, it would probably make sense that she was a bit body shy, given how new she was to the ‘siren’ business.

He shrugged off his coat and held it out to her, pointedly turning his head away.

It didn’t take much time at all for her to come out from behind the rock, much less warily than he might have expected, one arm clamped over her ample chest and the other absently hiding her crotch.

(In his defense, his peripheral vision was very good and he didn’t look any closer than what he was already seeing.

...Wasn’t his libido supposed to be dead too?)

She covered as much of herself up in his coat as she could, shooting him curious looks as he removed one of his more decorative belts to secure it around her waist.

“Don’t touch the pockets,” he instructed. There was a second part to that, something about there being dangerous things in there, but she was... much more distracting than he was used to dealing with, especially now that she was wearing his coat, and the words slipped away from him.

“So, uh... what are we doing?” she said, chill and curious and sounding like she’d be game for most of it, and suddenly he was very glad that he was the hunter who’d found her.

“Making you my apprentice,” he said, and reached inside his doublet for an empty phial.

“Appre-what?” then, “Meep!” as as he sank one of his fangs into his own wrist and caught the trail of blood in the vessel.

“Apprentice. It’s not good for a young fae to be on their own.” He put a cork in the phial and closed his fist around it—a tracking spell, a protection spell, a minor luck spell, a stealth spell... and that was about as much as he could imbue into an ounce of his own blood. “That’s how monsters are made.”

“Ohh...” she said, watching as he pulled out a cord and secured the charm. “Wait. What?!”

(Expressive. It was... nice.)

He looped the cord around her neck, looping it into a knot and casting another few spells making sure that it couldn’t be used to hurt her and couldn’t be removed until she was strong enough to remove it herself. Stronger than a basic durability spell and made sure she wouldn’t be stuck carrying him around forever if this didn’t work out and he was indisposed.

“They do things they shouldn’t because they don’t know better,” he explained absently. "So I’ll make sure you know better.”

“That’s pretty ominous.”

He shot her a dry look as he let go and gestured for her to follow him. “Don’t touch the shiny rocks. Don’t stand in bright places. Don’t eat anything that can talk.”

“Oh, uh, o-okay? ‘Shiny rocks’...? Is that, like, gemstones, or gold, or— hey wait, where are we going?”

‘Wouldn’t you like to know’ probably wouldn’t be the best thing to say here, would it. He decided on honesty instead: “First clothes, then to register you as my legal charge with the vampire queen, then get you a guild membership, then go take care of a chupacabra infestation in the lower reaches.”

“Chupacabra infe— that sounds kind of important!”

He frowned as he led the way back to the village, trees passing them by in silent vigil. “Does it?”

“Goats are some people’s livelihoods, y’know?” She sounded genuinely upset about this. “How long will the rest of this stuff take?”

“A couple of weeks...?” he said, surprised into seriousness.

“Their goats will all be dead by then!”

...Huh. They would, wouldn’t they.

Akira kept walking through the profound moment of realization that he didn’t spend nearly enough time around humans anymore.

“Okay, how about this: we get me some clothes, and then take care of the chupacabra infestation, and then do the other stuff.”

Innocent, expressive, and conscientious. He found himself half-smiling as he glanced over his shoulder. “Sounds good.”

She let out an ughhhh... of exasperated relief.

Maybe she wasn’t human anymore, but she was only two years out from it, not well over two hundred. Maybe he’d be getting more out of this apprenticeship than he’d thought.

---

They bought clothes from the village and then moved onto the southern reaches, collected chupacabra pelts for the client and then roasted the bodies so Akira could show his new protégé how to draw the life energy she needed out of them.

Then they headed back to the capital, where he had a conversation with the queen. She shouted a lot and then handed him the paperwork (good old Sae), and it was only when he was trying to fill it out that he realized he’d never asked for his new apprentice’s name.

Hm.

Sae didn’t shout at him for that, just gave him one of the most long-suffering looks he’d even seen and let him take the paperwork home.

(Lady Ann Takamaki of Shujin was his new apprentice, apparently—though he better knew her as a child of sunshine who had rapidly established herself as his lifeline.

Innocent, expressive, conscientious, and more human than not. All he had to do was glance at her to get a second opinion on his decisions, and that was coming in even more handy than he’d guessed it would.)

After that, it was a guild membership, then Igor telling him to go get Ann checked in with the sirens too or Philemon would get angry, and it was some point during that long, relentless search for Belladonna that Ann finally asked.

“So... why are you doing all this for me, anyway? What do you get out of it?”

“Company. Help with work. Moral support.”

“...Seriously?” she asked. On anyone else, it would have sounded at least a little bit flat, but with her there was only curiosity to be found. “Moral support?”

“Especially moral support.”

She was doing a stellar job at propping them up for him while he brushed away two hundred-odd years of dust and decay under her guidance.

She flopped back on her inn bed with a groan, a soft fwumph of fabric and a little grunt in her lungs, her scent swirling in little eddies around the room. “Well. You do you, I guess. Going to bed yet?”

“In a bit,” he said, instead of only if you join me, because he was pretty sure that would earn him a weird look that said he’d misstepped yet again.

He was learning!

“Okay,” she said, then yawned. “‘Night.”

“Goodnight.”

Silence, except for the rustling of bedclothes and mattress while Ann got comfortable, and then:

“And hey, Akira?”

“Hm?”

“Thanks. You really saved me. Literally.”

He glanced sideways, just enough to catch her soft smile amid a pool of blankets and blonde curls, and couldn’t help a little sigh. “...My pleasure.”

[livvywrites]

crimson river [tmq prequel]

the origins of Talitha’s ship. it’s long, so most of it is under a cut <3

#

#

Talitha lifts the violin to her chin, and puts the bow to the strings. The music comes to her, easy as breathing; the melodies of childhood filling the clearing. She closes her eyes and lets the notes envelop her in sound. A memory rises, following the sound of the music. She’s taken back to when she first learned the song; calloused hand wrapping around hers, drawing the bow across the violin; chest pressed against her back.

The chest rumbles, and it’s Lyr’s voice that touches her ears; his breath ghosting across her skin in phantom memory.

He sings; pleasant baritone. Talitha doesn’t know the meaning the words he sings—she never asked, content to let the language stay a pleasant mystery. And as he sings, a glow flits on the edges of her vision. The pure, raw, unfiltered magic of Eldora becomes visible; shining bright under the hum of his voice and the melody of her violin. It dances and flickers like a thousand fireflies; like firelight; like glittering stars.

At fourteen, it’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen—even now, there is no sight that could ever compare to that one; the courtyard lighting up at midnight, to the tune of a song she could never understand.

She fell in love that night—with magic, with the unknown, with music… and maybe even with her best friend.

The song ends, and she opens her eyes.

Golden green eyes, wide and luminous, bore into her own—only inches from her face. Talitha cannot bring herself to be surprised. She smiles.

“Hello, Cala.” She doesn’t know where the name comes from—doesn’t know how she knows the name at all.

But the nymph, the same nymph who gave her the violin in the first place, smiles back; revealing pointed teeth. “Hello, pirate.”

“Why did you call me here?”

“You want to get off this island. And I and my sisters would like you to leave,” Cala said easily. But Talitha didn’t get the impression that she meant it maliciously. They were invaders, and they had not been invited. More than that, Talitha and her crew could not truly survive out here, cut off from the rest of the world. (And, Talitha thought, Lynette deserved better.)

“What do I have to do?”

Cala smiled. She gestures to the violin in Talitha’s arms. “You have all the tools you need. Music—and your voice. You have the memories. Think of Lyr, and the magic he showed you. The magic he taught you, intentionally or not.”

“Majaria is a Slaeyr’s magic,” Talitha protested. “It’s—I’m not… I’m not a Slaeyr.”

Cala scoffed. “The Slaeyrs appearance brought it into the world, but just as they can be born to any race—so too can any race use that magic. Not as powerfully… in most cases.” Cala gave her a pointed look, a strand of bark-brow hair falling into her eyes. “You, my dear, have the ability. So use it.”

“I don’t—I don’t know how.”

“Yes. You do.” Cala reached out and touched her cheek. “Open your eyes… and sing.” Cala’s hand, green-skinned, slides from her cheek and presses against her forehead. She pushes, and Talitha falls backward; her mouth opening before she sits bolt upright.

For a moment she sits there, staring into the dying embers of a campfire. She can hear Lark snoring, and Ana muttering in her sleep. The ocean laps at the shore, and the woods are full of sounds. The chirp of frogs; the hum of insects; the calls of birds. But… as she sits there, staring into the ashes, she hears… something else. A song. A melody, that she… had long forgotten. She remembers, playing it with her sister. Lynette on the harp, Talitha on the violin. Shrouded in peace. Talitha had never been happier, growing up, than she was in the music room with her sister.

Talitha sits up. She wipes the sand from her body and steps over her sleeping crewmates. Falon has fallen asleep on watch, head ducked into his chest and loud snores coming from him. Tomorrow, she might berate him about it. For now…

She has to see if her dream spoke the truth.

She stepped into the woods, pushing aside hanging vines and stray branches. The path is overgrown. Roots grow in her way; some arching high off the ground and others just protruding, hidden by moss and clover. Talitha walks steadily. The branches grow thicker; the foliage blocks out the light of the moon and stars. She summons a dim, twinkling magelight. Around her, she can feel eyes boring into her. The branches shake, and the leaves quiver as creatures race through them. Birds take off, their wings fluttering and their cries piercing the air.

Goosebumps raise on Talitha’s arms, and her heart races in her chest. But she continues on; determined.

The trees begin to grow closer together, their branches tangling. Talitha can no longer tell which tree the roots under her feet come from. Perhaps they are but sprouts; roots themselves, springing from a much larger tree.

She ducks beneath arched roots, and climbs over others. Bushes reach out with prickly branches to tear at her clothes and skin. They’re minor cuts and rips, and she can live with them. So she ignores them. It would be unwise to ruin or harm any of this forest—especially when she was so far from the beach.

Talitha pushes more vines from her view, and immediately finds herself squinting in the moonlight. She steps into the grove. The ground is covered in moss and clover, and in the center of the clearing is a massive tree. Talitha swallows in its presence. This is no ordinary plant. This is a tree descended from the World Tree—Talitha would bet her ship on it.

Or, well. She would if she had one.

Her eyes slide over the grove. Hanging lights float in the air. Some of them are fireflies. But others—they look like wisps. Or fairylights. Flowers grow; their perfume thick and heavy in the air. The forest is concealed by thick, hanging vines. The area is unnaturally still; the moon beaming above, and the stars glittering mysteriously. Talitha swallows. She keeps walking forward, waiting for the sensation that something is wrong to creep into her gut.

It never comes.

Halfway across the grove, she spots it. Sitting innocuously on one of the thick roots of the tree… it’s the violin from her dreams. Grey wood, the same color as the tree bark, with green patches as if moss was growing on it. A perfectly from bow sits beside it, and so too does a tiny seed. Talitha walks over, and very carefully picks them up.

It feels right in her hands. As if it was made just for her. She swallows. She reaches out, with the hand holding the bow, and touches it to the tree root. “Thank you,” she breathes.

A breeze blows across her skin. The trees whisper—or so it sounds, as their leaves rustle against one another. Talitha turns and leaves, heart in her throat. She pauses, once, at the threshold, to look over her shoulder. She swears that, across the clearing and to the left, she can see the faint, ghostly outline of Calla, the nymph from her dream.

#

#

Back on the beach, Talitha walks away from the campsite. She finds a far away spot, and plants her feet into the sand. She stares into the trees. After having traversed the grounds, the forest should seem less foreboding… but it doesn’t. Something about the shadows lurking between the trees sends her heart racing and her stomach twisting nervously.

There is something… wild, and alive about this place.

Calla was right. She needs to leave. They all do. This is not a place that they are welcome. Not now—perhaps not ever. There is a reason it was hidden in the middle of the Dead Sea.

Talitha plants the seed beneath the sand, and stands. She exhales.

She closes her eyes, and she pictures the Captive Queen. And then—she pictures every change that she would make. She breathes in and out, steady and deep. Her heartbeat slows, and the tension drains from her body. The ship builds in her mind. She sees the hull, grey and barklike in texture; like the violin she holds in her hands. There are patches of moss. She sees the sails, made of fibrous material, made from the plants of the forest. She sees the anchor, hewn from stone. It is bereft of weaponry—but that, she can buy. Somehow.

She sees the rooms. The bunks. She sees the hold, and the brig. She sees the masthead—fashioned to look like Calla. But she also sees intangible things. The magical layers of protection, hewn into its surface. The way it’s tied to her, the way it will respond to her every thought. This is not something she desires, but it is something that will happen, because that is the nature of the magic.

She sees how deep her influence goes—and watches as, in her mind’s eye, the ships sails not just the sea but through the sky, like the airships of home.

Talitha opens her eyes; takes a breath; and begins to play. The melody is a haunting refrain, sliding between hopeful, and mournful. Her feet trace patterns in the sand, as she whirls and dances in place, her movements copying the rise and fall of the tides; the ever-shifting motion of the ocean.

The trees begin to sway in an unnatural breeze. The sand lifts from the ground in whirls. Talitha’s clothes begin to flap. Her heartrate picks up again. Her blood flows faster; her fingertips and feet growing warm. The trees begin to creak and groan, an ominous sound, but to Talitha it is of no consequence. Words form on her tongue, her native language springs to her lips, and she sings. What words she says she does not know but it does not matter, for her intentions are clear in her mind. And she can feel the island itself. Its age, and its power—and its willingness to help, if only to make her leave.

Their roots of the seed begin to creep out and into the sand. They rise from the ground and reach out towards the ocean. The skeleton of a ship begins to form, slowly and yet all at once. The rooms fill the gaps in the skeleton. Halls and ladders connect them, and then the hull forms to protect them. It gleams with golden runes. Some pulled from her—others, formed by the trees. They are in a runic language Talitha does not know and were she of clear mind, she would crave their knowledge.

But she isn’t, and so her mind piques in curiosity, but it is swallowed by the ebb and flow of the music, and the words forming on her lips.

The masts rise from the deck. Plant fibers grow, forming themselves into sails. Below deck and in her cabin, she can feel them transforming into mattresses, and blankets. They won’t be the most comfortable things—but they’ll do, until more can be bought. Stones rise from below the earth; precious metals with them. A chain weaves its way through the walls, and an anchor comes to rest at the side of her ship.

Ropes are woven of vines, connecting to the sails and forming riggings. The crows nest opens at the top.

The last thing to form is the figurehead. The rendition of Calla breaks through the hull, looking like a mermaid rising, chest first from the water. Though her coloring matches the ship—she is just how Talitha last saw her. Curly hair cascading down her shoulders; sweet, open face and calculating eyes; bare, curvy body with arms outstretched. Her legs do not form, and Talitha does not envision them.

The ship is finished. The wind slowly dies down, and Talitha sinks to her knees, the violin limp in her hands. She breathes heavily and harshly in the night air… but she doesn’t feel exhausted at all. She’s energized—her heart still racing and her blood still pounding.

Too much extra power. The thought floats to her mind. It takes an eternity to place the words. Her teacher, back in school. Sometimes people draw too much magic from another mage, or from Eldora, and it overloads them. She has to—she needs to get rid of it.

She struggles to her feet. She knows where to go.

She walks to the edge of the forest. The violin falls from her grasp and lands on the ground. She stumbles forward; splays her palms against a tree. She closes her eyes and reaches outward.

The trees—they’re an interconnected network. It all leads back to one tree… but not the one Talitha visited, in the center. The forest must be made up of multiple interconnected root systems. She files the thought away for later, and instead—she focuses on pushing out. She channels that extra magic into the tree, and piles with it her gratitude.

Thank you, she repeats. Over and over again, until she sinks to the ground, palms scraping against the rough bark. Her trembling subsides. Her heart slows down. Her blood stops pounding in her ears.

She can breathe again.

#

#

taglist: @quartzses; @idreamonpaper; @runningonrain; @witchywrite; @queenofsquirrelsstuff; @margaretcroftwrites (lemme know if you want to be added or removed!)

[staircasttext]

Ep 03 Transcript: Firepaw's Two Moms

Episode 3

[intro music]

PAZ: Hi again everyone, and welcome back to Stairway to Starclan, a Warrior Cats reread pawdcast. I'm Paz.

JULIAN: I'm Julian.

LIZ: I'm Liz.

PAZ: And we are back once more to dive into the forest with some cats and see what's going on. And I think a lot's going on this week. There's some juicy chapters. Anyone, any pre summary thoughts?

LIZ: I like the illustrations that I have now, because I've had to switch the PDF because my library loan expired.

PAZ: Whichever like 12 year old took that loan away from you, how dare they, frankly.

LIZ: I don't know. They've been waiting for like a month. I think they deserve it. Okay, so the beginning of chapter 10 has just like a very round faced wide eyed little kitten looking at a leaf. It's very good.

JULIAN: The lighting on it is incredible.

LIZ: Yeah, we can post that later. That's all I wanted to draw attention to.

PAZ: It's very important. I also have in my physical book.

LIZ: Yeah, I think they're the classic illustrations then.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah, mine are different in the epub.

PAZ: Oh, interesting.

JULIAN: Yeah, they're like more-- they're line-arty. I think it's a newer edition.

LIZ: Are they the kind of like art nouveau looking ones? Because those are actually really good.

JULIAN: Yeah, yeah, they're really pretty, but they're definitely different. Yeah, I am just amazed at how much politics they managed to cram into four chapters.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Here's the juice.

PAZ: It went by really fast but things really... a lot happened. So I guess we'll just get into these summaries then, and then we can discuss all of it.

LIZ: Hell yeah.

PAZ: So this week we read chapters 10 through 14. And chapter 10 opens on the next morning with another like little friendly scene between Firepaw and Yellowfang. And then Firepaw is called to a meeting with Bluestar, and Bluestar tells him that it's time for him to return to his warrior training, rather than be a caretaker for Yellowfang. Firepaw joins Graypaw and Ravenpaw for a hunting assessment, which is overseen by Tigerclaw. Each apprentice get sent to a different place. Ravenpaw is sent to Snakerocks, Graypaw is sent to the stream, and Firepaw is sent to the woods near the Twolegplace. Tigerclaw ominously says that he'll be watching them.

Firepaw heads off to hunt, and as he nears the Twolegplace, he attacks a kittypet intruder. Firepaw quickly recognizes a cat as Smudge, his old friend from when he was a kitten. Smudge is bewildered that Firepaw is still actually living in the forest and not in someone's house. And Firepaw notices that Smudge smells weird and is round and soft, and has been to the Cutter. They have a conversation where Firepaw affirms that he truly wants to live in the clans rather than be a kittypet, and they affectionately part ways.

Chapter 11 picks up with Firepaw returning to Tigerclaw with the prey he caught. Graypaw also returns soon after. Ravenpaw takes a while to return but he comes back carrying a dead adder that he killed. When Firepaw gets back to camp, he and the two other apprentices discuss the upcoming gathering. Bluestar then calls Firepaw over and tells him that Tigerclaw reported that he saw Firepaw sharing tongues with a kittypet in ThunderClan territory. And Firepaw's like, oh no, we grew up together. And Bluestar presents him on if he misses his kittypet life, but Firepaw reasserts that he is certain he wants to be a warrior and is loyal to ThunderClan.

Bluestar then informs him that Firepaw, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw are to come with the other cats to the gathering. Firepaw goes back and shares the news and they have a little play fighting scene. Graypaw mentions offhand that it was really bad luck the Tigerclaw saw Firepaw with Smudge, and Firepaw realizes that maybe Tigerclaw sent him near the Twolegplace on purpose, and he wonders if this was to test his loyalty.

Chapter 12 is a pretty hefty chapter. Um, the ThunderClan cats arrive at Fourtrees gathering, and it points out some of the other important cats that are there, like the Crookedstar and Brokenstar. Tallstar of WindClan is absent, and there's no other WindClan cats at all. The cats split off into groups to talk with cats from other clans doing this brief truce. Firepaw overhears Tigerstar-- Tigerstar, bleah. Tigerclaw talking about the RiverClan battle and notices that he doesn't say anything about killing Oakheart to avenge Redtail. He then goes to join Graypaw and Spottedleaf and some RiverClan apprentices.

Then the topic of ancient great cat clans comes up and Graypaw explains the mythology behind them and says TigerClan, LionClan, and LeopardClan used to roam the forest. Lionheart chimes in and explains that there is a trace of all great cats in every cat today. After telling the story, Lionheart notices that the ShadowClan apprentice in the group looks unusually small for their age.

Then they-- Firepaw and Graypaw head over to Ravenpaw, who is telling the story of the RiverClan battle. In his story, Ravenpaw says that Redtail killed Oakheart, and doesn't mention Tigerclaw. Firepaw decides that Ravenpaw must have misspoken, but then he sees Tigerclaw watching Ravenpaw from afar, looking increasingly angry. But then the story is interrupted by the clan leaders calling a meeting.

WindClan is still absent and Brokenstar addresses the crowd. He says that ShadowClan has a lot of kids born, and that they're not dead, unlike everyone else, so they need more prey to feed their clan. He demands that the other clans let ShadowClan hunt in their territory, and says that ShadowClan pushed WindClan out of their territory to get their prey. The RiverClan leader Crookedstar says he already agreed to let ShadowClan hunt in the river, but Bluestar does not make a decision yet.

Then Brokenstar insinuates that an unnamed ShadowClan outcast is very dangerous, and that until she is killed, everyone should keep an eye on their kits. The ThunderClan cats instantly recognize he means Yellowfang. They all get really angry, and Firepaw runs ahead to tell Yellowfang about the mob before anyone else gets to her.

Chapter 13 opens with Firepaw returning to tell Yellowfang about the suspicion Brokenstar cast on her and urges her to leave before she is attacked. Yellowfang mentions that Brokenstar kept his promise to drive her from every clan territory. Firepaw reassures Yellowfang he knows she wouldn't harm a kit and asks her why Brokenstar said that. But the conversation is interrupted by the angry mob. But Yellowfang refuses to run and claims that she trusts Bluestar to be fair to her.

Bluestar does indeed address the clan and calms down the crowd using facts and logic. She forbids that Yellowfang be harmed. And then she says that ThunderClan will not give into the Shadow Clan demands and will fight them if-- hi, Kip.

JULIAN: A real live warrior.

PAZ: He's here. Hi.

LIZ: Aww.

PAZ: Sorry Kip, I do have to podcast.

LIZ: He's a part of it. He wants to.

PAZ: Um, gosh, where was I? Kip...

LIZ: Our fourth co-host.

PAZ: Okay.

LIZ: He's our cat consultant.

PAZ: You can sit there, I guess, trying to move stuff out of his way. She then plans a trip to Moonstone where she hopes to receive guidance from StarClan. Graypaw gives some exposition about Moonstone and how all clan leaders sleep there for a night to talk with Starclan and gain nine lives. There's a short scene where Firepaw sees Tigerclaw intimidating Ravenpaw, and then Lionheart tells the apprentice trio that they are going to the Moonstone as well. All apprentices must go to the Moonstone before becoming warriors.

I'm trying to keep my cat from sitting on my keyboard.

LIZ: He can stay there.

PAZ: He can't. Chapter 14 covers the journey to Moonstone which is very far away, and past clan territory. The group, including Tigerclaw, make their way through WindClan territory and still see no WindClan cats but do smell ShadowClan cats. They then arrive to the Thunderpath, which they must cross to get to the Moonstone. Tigerclaw tries to push Ravenpaw to go first, but Bluestar crosses first instead. All the cats cross safely, although Firepaw does get almost get hit by a car that swerves off the road. The chapter ends on the cats hunting and waiting for the moon to rise before going to the Moonstone. And that's all the chapters we read this week.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: Yeah, it's a whole lot.

JULIAN: I'm so glad that that Firepaw, Graypaw, and Ravenpaw passed their hunting SAT.

PAZ: Yeah, no thanks to Tigerclaw. As I was saying earlier, I do have the note that he sent Ravenpaw to snake hell. But, you know, Ravenpaw said, I will prevail.

JULIAN: There's like this one moment when they're waiting for Ravenpaw to get back where Firepaw and Graypaw are like, well, what if he got hurt? What if he, you know, needs help? And Tigerclaw goes, "Then it's his own fault. There's no room for fools in ThunderClan." And I'm like, that's a child!

PAZ: I know.

LIZ: He needs to pull himself up by his little cat bootstraps.

PAZ: Yeah, like they're not even the oldest apprentices. These are little babies. Please.

JULIAN: They've been training for like three months, maybe.

PAZ: Yeah. But I do think like the like Firepaw, Graypaw, Ravenpaw like friend trio is very cute.

LIZ: Yes.

PAZ: And I really like their scenes together. Like they had a little like play fighting scene at one point and it was just like, it was so cute.

LIZ: They're just some scamps.

JULIAN: That was really sweet. I also did really like that we got to see like Firepaw and Smudge, you know, talk again even though it was super weird.

PAZ: Yeah, should we just... I think there's a lot we might have to say about that scene.

LIZ: Let's get into it.

JULIAN: We can do some unpacking of that scene.

PAZ: We might as well because it is right at the beginning. So we're back to balls, balls land.

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: I really was, you know... wasn't sure if it was gonna come back, but it sure did.

JULIAN: I guess it does make cats smell different, but the fact that he didn't recognize Smudge, to the point that like, he fought him for like several minutes. This wasn't like a, oh I saw you from behind and didn't recognize you because you look super different. This was like, I was going to kill you. Because you got your balls stole and you don't smell right anymore.

LIZ: You get your balls stolen, it's on sight.

PAZ: I know.

LIZ: One explanation could be like, it's been like a couple months and they're pretty young, I guess, and maybe they've like matured a lot, like, because cats grow kind of fast, don't they?

JULIAN: Yeah that does...

PAZ: Yeah, they do.

LIZ: Maybe.

JULIAN: My other note here is that Smudge is now doomed to cat purgatory, to purrgatory.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Poor Smudge.

LIZ: He's so nice though.

PAZ: Yeah, I really did like this scene though cause it was kind of like... I mean, it served to be like a closing on like Firepaw's kittypet life and being like, yes, I am a warrior now. It was cool to see him like interact with a old kittypet friend.

LIZ: Yeah but, okay, so it was nice but also, he doesn't really like question at all like that there's this divide between them now. There is... I mean I guess that's the way it's like going to be, but having the perspective of like a cat who has been both and has friends in both has not like made him question the balls of it. Like, if you do not have balls, we cannot be friends anymore, you are going to cat purgatory, and there is no way around this.

JULIAN: He drank the Kool Aid real bad.

PAZ: He really, really has, like in all aspects. And it really--

JULIAN: And then like, he goes back and they get mad at him for even talking to a kittypet and not, like, I guess, killing his old friend?

PAZ: Yeah! Are warriors supposed to kill kittypets? Like that's fucked up.

LIZ: He wasn't like that, like agog at the accusation, either. He was just like, oh no, I didn't. He's not like, Oh, I would never. That's my old friend.

PAZ: Yeah like okay, if it wasn't his old friend, would it have been like, fight to the death?

LIZ: If it was Henry.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: He would have been fucking dead.

PAZ: No, Henry.

JULIAN: It's on sight for Henry.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: God, the other thing that-- Smudge mentions that Firepaw like looks really skinny. And I'm like, yeah, he's malnourished. He's eating like one mouse a day.

PAZ: Yeah, like the weird thing about that scene was like, it pointed out like the difficulty of like being a wild cat versus a house cat. But like, even though it was like realistic about it, it was still like, no, it's fine to be a warrior because it's cool. I was like okay.

LIZ: Yeah, I mean, you know what? Good for Smudge. He's fine. He's vaccinated.

PAZ: And he's like, all round and happy.

LIZ: He's not gonna get ticks.

PAZ: No, no ass ticks for him.

LIZ: No.

JULIAN: He'll never taste mouse bile.

LIZ: How do they get that? How do they even get that?

JULIAN: I don't want to know.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't need to know that.

LIZ: Okay. But I want to draw attention to like this description of, like, Smudge, because there's like-- aside from the being plump and stuff, there's like other kind of weird, physical differences. Like it describes him having like "round eyes and a narrow face, which looked very different from the lean, broad-headed cats that Firepaw lived with now."

JULIAN: So that actually I think might be a real thing. Apparently cats who don't get neutered, like early, like tomcats tend to have like big cheeks.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Oh, what?

JULIAN: It like changes their face structure somewhat. So Smudge might look different.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Cause he's got his balls stole.

PAZ: Smudge looks like a little boy and I love that.

JULIAN: [Keith Carberry voice] He's just a little boy.

LIZ: Does he just look like Oliver in your head?

PAZ: Yeah, except like black and white.

JULIAN: I keep envisioning Chloe.

LIZ: That's very good.

PAZ: This book has absolutely poisoned me because I do look at my cat now who is very round and be like, wow, idiot got his balls stole. That's why he's like that.

LIZ: Cover Oliver's ears. He cannot hear this slander.

JULIAN: Yeah, it does, it is like-- I'm glad that he gets closure on his kittypet life. It does feel very much like when you go back, like your first semester after college, and you hang out with your high school friends and you're like, oh, we've all kind of changed.

PAZ: Yeah, it kind is like that.

JULIAN: Except that the change is getting your ball stole and also living in a state of like semi hunger.

LIZ: Firepaw just went to like have a, like a one of those like natural diets in the woods, I guess.

JULIAN: God.

LIZ: And he's like, yeah, I have a mouse a day and I'm great. Oh, what happened to your balls? Oh, that sucks, bro. Gotta go.

PAZ: Is he like a Instagram lifestyle influencer?

JULIAN: Firepaw's a WWOOFer. The people who live on organic farms for free.

PAZ: Oh yeah?

JULIAN: And just move from farm to farm, that's him. He's one with nature.

LIZ: I didn't know that was a thing.

JULIAN: Yeah, it was a really big among a certain subset of folks I went to college with.

PAZ: Well, I mean, anything else about the Smudge scene?

LIZ: I like Smudge.

PAZ: Me too.

LIZ: He's just living his good life.

JULIAN: Yeah, he's a good guy.

LIZ: Good guy, great name.

PAZ: Um, I mean, aside from the Smudge scene in that chapter, I mean it's kind of just like Tigerclaw being a weird shitty, slimy guy. Cause he does send Ravenpaw to snake hell and also obviously sent Firepaw over to the like house area, I don't know, to like frame him or something like that.

JULIAN: Yeah, he's just a big ol slime.

LIZ: He's so obviously like shady. He's so shady.

PAZ: Firepaw notices him like, lurking ominously by conversations like so many times.

LIZ: He's just like there, and he's always like looking mean, and glaring, and angry. And he doesn't really think about it that much. He's just like yep, that's Tigerclaw. That's just how he is.

PAZ: Firepaw did like finally have a single brain cell in regards to Tigerclaw and was like, maybe he sent me there on purpose? Question mark. But then it was no thoughts head empty.

LIZ: It still feels more like he's thinking, oh, maybe he sent me there on purpose because he's a mean teacher.

JULIAN: Right, I think he just thinks that Tigerclaw has like resting bitch face, and that's why he's looking angry all the time, instead of he's cartoonishly evil.

LIZ: He should know the difference because Yellowfang has resting bitch face, probably.

JULIAN: They do mention her face looking squashed.

PAZ: I guess she is a Persian cat.

LIZ: That's so weird.

PAZ: Oh, a note I do have written down is Bluestar/Yellowfang.

LIZ: Right?

JULIAN: That's a good note.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah cause there's a part in chapter 11 where like Bluestar like seems fond of Yellowfang. And I'm like, oh, MILFs together.

JULIAN: MILF city.

LIZ: Do we have to call them MILFs?

PAZ: CILFs.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: No.

JULIAN: I think Liz's problem might be with the ILF part.

PAZ: Yeah, okay, that's fair. I disagree with that too.

LIZ: They're older women. I do agree that we can get into that now if you want. Or we can go through chrono--

PAZ: I mean, like it comes up in chapter 11, and then kind of comes back again when like Yellowfang is like being put on trial, by mob justice.

JULIAN: Yeah, Bluestar is like very very defensive of her. It would be a lot easier for her to just not be. So good for Bluestar.

PAZ: Mm-hmm.

LIZ: You can find romance late in your cat life. Why not?

JULIAN: You can. They deserve it.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: They do. And you know, once Yellowfang doesn't have those ass ticks anymore... you know, it'll be great. They can go on romantic forest walks, and I don't know, like, plot ShadowClan's demise, you know.

LIZ: Oh, you don't want the hurt/comfort fic about Bluestar like tenderly taking care of Yellowfang's ticks?

PAZ: I... well...

JULIAN: I hate this.

LIZ: That's not a no.

PAZ: Maybe not in so much detail as we previously got.

JULIAN: If I didn't know there were ass ticks, and that they involved mouse bile, I'd be like, aw, that's sweet. But I do, and so it's not.

LIZ: Why don't they use paws? They have them. They have been shown to be putting like medicine with their paws on things. I don't...

PAZ: But just kind of like patting. Like I don't think they're... they're not like grasping stuff in their paws.

JULIAN: Well, and Yellowfang said that the reason that they were using the mouse bile was because she didn't want the tick heads embedded in her. Because it wouldn't pull the whole thing out.

PAZ: Yeah, you can't like bite them out.

LIZ: I'm so mad about this rational explanation.

JULIAN: The bile is like an acid so it makes them release their little grasping mouthparts.

LIZ: Icky.

JULIAN: [laughing] I'm sorry for this detailed walkthrough of how ticks work.

PAZ: I mean, good on the cats for like, trying not to get like Lyme disease. I don't know if cats can get Lyme disease, but whatever.

LIZ: We can find out.

JULIAN: I'm googling it right now. Can cats get Lyme disease? Probably not a concern for cat owners. This is from Cornell.

PAZ: Well, that's because my cat's not outside.

JULIAN: "Although the bacteria that causes Lyme disease is capable of infecting cats, the disease has never been seen in a cat outside of a laboratory setting." Are they infecting cats with Lyme in laboratories?

LIZ: Oh my god.

PAZ: Please don't do that.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Please don't. Well, I mean, okay. I mean, I guess it's good that naturally they would not be getting it.

LIZ: Maybe they-- I hope they just have a cat they found with Lyme disease, and they were like, we have to cure this cat. That's a that's a really optimistic view. But I don't wanna think about this. This is terrible.

PAZ: Okay, well, tragedy in scientific ethics aside.

JULIAN: Oh, there is a really cute scene around the time when they started talking about Yellowfang, where the kits are watching Firepaw and the other apprentices come back and like, talking about how cool they are and how they're gonna be just as cool when they grow up, and it's very sweet. The kit content is generally good.

PAZ: It is very cute. They're just little babies. I think like that plus the Smudge scene kind of like ending that arc of like, oh Firepaw joining ThunderClan, like it's like, yeah, he's in it now. He is accepted.

LIZ: Yeah, it's good framing. But like, we can also follow that scene with-- because we were talking about Yellowfang/Bluestar earlier. There's this part where Bluestar's talking to Firepaw, and she says, "she's a wise old she-cat, you know, and I suspect she wasn't always bad tempered. Indeed, I think that I could grow to like her."

JULIAN: Oh, that's where it's at.

PAZ: That's what made me write that down.

LIZ: Bro, bro, it's real. Cat old lady romance is real.

JULIAN: That's some real enemies to lovers content right there.

PAZ: I just think they should have a forbidden past-- no, never mind. Couldn't word that right.

JULIAN: A past forbidden romance? A tryst?

PAZ: Yeah, a tryst.

LIZ: A whirlwind one.

PAZ: Yeah, now their feelings, being rekindled by the circumstances.

JULIAN: It would have been double forbidden because Yellowfang was a medicine cat.

[Paz and Liz gasp]

And from another clan.

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

JULIAN: So it's extra sexy.

PAZ: I love this.

LIZ: Does it have to be sexy?

PAZ: No, it's extra tasty, like good content.

LIZ: They're two on the verge of-- well, one of them's retired, I guess. Two old retired, like warrior cats, kind of, basically. I don't know. Do medicine cats count? Anyway. And they're just like after all these years, I see you again.

JULIAN: That's beautiful.

LIZ: Have you changed? Have I changed? And so on and so forth.

PAZ: I love this fiction we've created. It's what they deserve.

JULIAN: This is a rich fiction.

LIZ: Prequel. We need it.

JULIAN: I'm opening AO3 right now.

PAZ: Oh, please tell me if there's any.

JULIAN: I bet there won't be because people are fools.

LIZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: Other tags to include.

LIZ: I imagine there's 100 million tags to filter, just because of the amount of characters.

PAZ: Yeah, we already went over that.

JULIAN: Yeah, yeah. Ugh, I have to do it in the canonical tag. Bluestar (Warriors)/Yellowfang (Warriors).

PAZ: I'm on the edge of my seat.

LIZ: This is so exciting.

JULIAN: Sort and filter. 28 works! Yes.

PAZ: Oh fuck yeah.

LIZ: Oh my goodness, there's fucking riches.

JULIAN: Well, I might have typed the tag in wrong.

PAZ: Oh no.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: I was gonna say for like a book fandom femslash pairing, I was like, that's pretty good.

JULIAN: For a book fandom femslash pairing of like specifically two old.

LIZ: Two old cats from a children's series.

JULIAN: For some reason she's in-- her canonical tag is Bluefur, so I typed it wrong.

LIZ: Oh, maybe there is some stuff for them.

JULIAN: I guess that was her warrior name. Sorry, I'm a slow typer.

PAZ: No, it's fine.

JULIAN: No, there's none.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Oh, this is tragic.

LIZ: Maybe it's not on AO3.

JULIAN: Maybe.

PAZ: It's all on FF.net.

LIZ: I'm gonna boolean search this.

PAZ: Yeah, just Google search that. Maybe it's on some--

JULIAN: Oh I'm sorry, there's a single one. There's one. It was written in February of this year. Oh, fuck yes.

LIZ: Wow.

PAZ: You should link it.

JULIAN: I'll link it in the chat.

PAZ: I was also wondering like, if there's like a lot of Graypaw/Firepaw content out there.

JULIAN: I'm sure there is.

PAZ: Yeah, when I was reading I was wondering that because they keep being very, very cute together.

JULIAN: Yeah, I'm sure there's like AMVs too.

PAZ: Oh good. Oh should we tell Liz that we did, like, without I guess spoiling context but gay cat.

JULIAN: Oh yes. Yeah, we found out that there is a canonical--

PAZ: Well like by word of the author.

JULIAN: Or not canonical, but by word of God sort of a...

LIZ: You know what? That's good enough. They're cats. I don't know how much these eight old British ladies thought about it.

PAZ: Well, it was like, the author said like, it was like canonical in her heart but the publisher said no, essentially. Which sucks.

LIZ: Yeah, it does suck. You know what, they've got clout, they can... I believe in the future of this gay cat.

PAZ: Yeah, but once we get to that character... I have to figure out when that comes up, because I want I want to talk about it badly.

LIZ: Is it a character from this series or like the next one?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Oh great.

JULIAN: Yes.

LIZ: Okay. Also, some results.

JULIAN: Oh good.

LIZ: So if you boolean search Bluestar slash-- I made slash into like three syllables, sorry. Bluestar/Yellowfang or vice versa, and you look in images, there are some.

JULIAN: Oh?

LIZ: There's a few images.

PAZ: Oh?

LIZ: I'm going to-- they're all on Pinterest so I don't know where they're from. So that's unfortunate. So I'll drop them in the chat, cause they're there. This is existing.

PAZ: Aw.

JULIAN: Aw, that's so cute, actually.

PAZ: Oh, they're talking about their son.

JULIAN: That's really sweet. I'll try--

PAZ: Yeah, try and describe it.

JULIAN: Well, and also like when we're done with the pod, I can like try reverse Google searching it and finding the artists so we can tweet it. So it's Bluestar kind of laying on the ground and Yellowfang is sort of cuddled on top of her with one eye open looking very grouchy. And they're both talking about Firepaw, who is drawn is just the, like, smiliest cat in the world.

PAZ: It's adorable.

JULIAN: It's very cute.

LIZ: It is.

PAZ: That's their son boy.

LIZ: Oh there's another one, I, this one's just called "Son and his moms," and I can't get the link to it.

[Julian and Paz gasp]

PAZ: No, please.

LIZ: I hate Pinterest. I'm not locked in. Okay, we've gotta reverse search this later. It's very sweet.

JULIAN: Yes.

PAZ: I am so happy there is any content of this.

JULIAN: Aw.

PAZ: Oh my gosh.

LIZ: Two old lesbian mom cats and son.

PAZ: What's better than this?

JULIAN: They're all cuddled up together, and Firepaw has his arm around Yellowfang, who has her paw over Bluestar, and they're just all cuddling, and it's perfect.

PAZ: Ah, this has healed me.

LIZ: This is also a very nice, big fluffy Yellowfang. Wonderful cat.

JULIAN: Yeah. Big and soft.

LIZ: Ooh, there's a YouTube with the speed paint, and it's... Gotta look at this. Look at this thumbnail.

PAZ: Aw.

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: These cats are in love.

JULIAN: They have their foreheads touching.

PAZ: They're doing a forehead touch and they're smiling.

JULIAN: Oh, the music is also deeply romantic.

PAZ: Oh wow.

JULIAN: It's just like some soft acoustic guitar, but they're in love, actually,

PAZ: They are. Wow.

LIZ: These cats are in love. They have a son.

JULIAN: Perfect.

PAZ: This is fantastic. Well, I'm extremely happy there's content out there.

LIZ: This is exactly how it should be.

PAZ: Yes, I hadn't even considered that two lesbian moms and their son dynamic but it's perfect. Thank you Warrior Cats fandom. Your mind.

JULIAN: I hadn't either. All right, we do got to talk about the gathering,

PAZ: Oh well, I was also gonna mention that while we're on the topic of Yellowfang, I think Firepaw and Yellowfang's relationship is very sweet.

LIZ: Oh yeah.

PAZ: And I'm glad that they're like friends now and Firepaw like cares about her.

JULIAN: He's a good boy.

LIZ: He's very dumb but he's just like a nice young man.

PAZ: He is. But that's, yeah, I just wanted to mention that.

JULIAN: Oh, for sure.

PAZ: I was gonna let you, segue, Julian.

JULIAN: Oh, sorry. Um, yeah, no, the gathering is-- first off, it's nice to get to see a gathering because we get to see all the clans interact. I was bummed when the first gathering was like, well, the other apprentices go and, you have to stay behind and have fun. So it's nice to see the clans interact, but also, uhhhh, little fucked up, little fucked up for Brokenstar to be like, well we had more kits so... Like, I'm not against-- I think they should all be sharing their territory. But you can't just, you can't strong arm it.

PAZ: You can't just invade, like, this has to be through good faith, I think, and also like they apparently just fucking destroyed a whole nother clan. So not a good image.

LIZ: I was so sure when, when he brought up the we have more like living kittens or whatever, that he was gonna say like but since we have no resources, can you foster them and that can be like the beginning of-- no, this is just an invasion.

PAZ: Absolutely not.

JULIAN: Yeah, also Crookedstar needs to get better name SEO. Just all of the names are like...

PAZ: Yeah, why do all the, like, both Crookedstar and Brokenstar are like, get better names. Those are like scary sounding. Although Crookedstar isn't evil. He's just a pussy, I guess, literally, haha.

LIZ: Good one.

PAZ: Thanks.

LIZ: Real zinger.

JULIAN: God.

PAZ: But yeah okay, they all talked about-- they mentioned, like how many kits are dying, and I was just like, this is another reason you should all go be kittypets. All your kits are dying.

JULIAN: Well, and it's like... I'm suspicious, and I don't remember if this is actually a plot point or not, but they keep mentioning how young the kits, or the apprentices look. And it's like okay, do they actually have more kits, or are they pushing like young kits to be apprentices so it looks like they have more apprentices.

PAZ: Oh, that's, yeah I don't remember either.

JULIAN: And then they can use like their, quote unquote, "extra kits" as an excuse to strong arm into other people's territory,

PAZ: Yeah I was-- cause I was thinking maybe it was like a bad environmental-- like not bad as in a bad plot, but like environmental pollution or whatever was causing like stunted growth, but that'd be really interested if they are like faking it.

LIZ: Yeah, I thought another reason could be like, they just don't have as many adult cats so they have to like push the younger population forward more, just because of like dying, but, um, that first one is very interesting. So is that second one. I wouldn't be surprised if it was like a mixture of both.

JULIAN: Yeah, it could be a mixture of all three.

PAZ: Yeah, and I am curious how like, cause Yellowfang probably ties into it somehow, as medicine cat at the very least, so I'm curious to see how that all comes together.

JULIAN: Definitely. Yeah, no, Brokenstar's whole spiel sounds very like 1930s appeasement. Like we need more space is like a pretty big...

PAZ: I did write down is ShadowClan just the United States of America.

LIZ: Oh, man. Brokenstar voice, manifest destiny.

PAZ: Exactly. Yeah, I guess RiverClan just didn't want to get like wiped out. So they just went along with it. But Bluestar says, Not today.

JULIAN: Oh no, I really liked that she consulted her-- like she was like, I'm going to consult the clan.

PAZ: Yeah, good leadership. My favorite clan as a child was WindClan. I don't like 100% remember why now, but I was like, oh, I'm sad they're not here.

LIZ: Aw.

PAZ: Come back.

LIZ: It is also-- it is weird, at least to me, that they didn't have any like previous instances of sharing or trade or even like anything like that, I guess, prior to this, except for I guess the gathering. But I don't think there's any like, resource management in the gathering. It's just kind of like gossip and politics.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean that's a great ques--

JULIAN: Yeah--

PAZ: Oh, go ahead.

JULIAN: No, I was gonna say it's weird that there's like no negotiation of this, it's just like Brokenstar gets up and is like, hey, this is how it is.

PAZ: Yeah I mean, I have no clear idea like how long these clans have actually been around. There's probably like lore now at this point because the series has been going on so long about like those exact numbers, but the fact that there's never been sharing before seems absurd.

JULIAN: I mean, apparently, according to Lionheart, the clans have been around since they were all great cats, which I have some questions about biologically.

PAZ: Yeah, one, I don't think that's how the evolutionary tree looks because I'm pretty sure there is some other common cat ancestor far in the past.

LIZ: What would they think of like domestication, as in like the history of it?

PAZ: I don't know. To me at this point, like without knowing like how it's expanded on in later books, to me, it read as just like, oh, like mythical origin story, which is like cute, you know, but I don't know if it gets like real literal in future books. I hope not.

LIZ: This is why it has to be like in England where they don't have any like fucking bobcats or anything around.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: I did do a quick google to see if lions ever lived in Great Britain, but I could not find...

PAZ: I know they were in Europe, but I don't know if they got to the British Isles.

LIZ: I mean, zoos probably, I don't know if that's gonna ever come up. Wouldn't that be fucked up? You're a cat, you see like your ancient ancestor of myth, just like chillin in the zoo. It shakes--

They're doing better than you. Cause they're fed.

Oh, great news.

PAZ: Oh?

LIZ: Oh, what?

JULIAN: There was a lion-like creature called Panthera fossiliferous in the UK, 68 hundred thousand years ago.

LIZ: Wow.

JULIAN: Sorry, 680,000 years.

PAZ: See, that's what I'm saying, if they have some great cat ancestor, it's gonna be like that guy, I don't know. But they're cats, what do they know?

LIZ: Yeah, they're also cats from like contemporary time, so genetically, they come from all over the place from just other cats, Right?

PAZ: Yeah.

Unknown Speaker

Yeah.

LIZ: It's like, apparently, Yellowfang's a Persian cat.

JULIAN: I'm guessing that the Erins Hunter did not do a ton of research into cat genetics.

PAZ: No, probably not. Which is fine, I guess.

LIZ: That's okay.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Oh, do we want to mention that like a listener wrote in to tell us that like UK cat culture is in fact like--

JULIAN: Oh yeah, yes. We had a listener, Harry, tell us that apparently UK cat culture is like so insistent that cats be allowed to roam outdoors that they often won't let you adopt a cat if you can't prove that the cat will have access to like a back garden. So it's basically the opposite of the way it is here in the US, where often they won't let you adopt the cat if you say you will let the cat out. So it's just like very common to let your cats roam.

PAZ: Yeah, I think it really explains a lot about Warriors' like politics around like cats being outside. And like the romanticiz-- romantic-- wow, I can't say that word. The romanticization-dah, dah.

LIZ: You got it, it's okay.

PAZ: The glorification of cats being outside.

LIZ: Like again, I guess they don't have like coyotes there. But they still have like--

JULIAN: Right, they still have cars.

LIZ: They still have cars. They still have like birds whose populations could be adversely affected by this, possibly.

PAZ: And also birds that could-- like hawks that could kill your cat, too.

LIZ: Oh my god, a fucking hawk swoops down, picks up your poor cat, and is just like, in a British voice, thanks for the snack. Bye.

PAZ: Thanks for reminding us they would all have British accents.

LIZ: They're all British cats. Just, they're very-- I don't know what accents they'd have, like regionally. But, I don't know, this could be like a BBC audiodrama.

JULIAN: Yeah, because that is a big variation.

PAZ: That's the medium you think it should be in?

LIZ: Mm-hmm.

JULIAN: I meant to look up the audio book, but I haven't had a chance. But I would guess it's not in a British accent, which is disappointing and not realistic.

PAZ: I would love to know.

LIZ: It's a good enough adaption. Can you imagine if they made a movie, like a big budget movie with cats? I don't know. That one seems kind of difficult. Anyway.

JULIAN: Did y'all ever see the Incredible Journey movie where they have like actual animals?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah yeah yeah.

PAZ: I watched that so much as a kid.

JULIAN: Yes, that's what I'm envisioning for the Into the Wild movie.

PAZ: Wow, we'd need a lot of talented cat actors.

LIZ: Julian, have you seen the Guardians of Gahoole movie?

JULIAN: I have not.

PAZ: It's not bad.

LIZ: It's not good. It's alright.

PAZ: It could be worse.

LIZ: I imagine if they had made a Warriors movie, it would have been something like that, like, pretty realistic cats but they emote like just a little too much, like humanly. They're gonna-- it's not DreamWorks, but they will DreamWorks smile at you.

Nooo.

What were we talking about?

PAZ: We were talking about the gathering. I guess, other stuff that happens there is Tigerclaw being real suspicious again.

LIZ: So suspicious.

PAZ: Yeah, I think you called it a kind of like a murder mystery plot in the first episode, Liz. It's kind of like that, where like the details about like this event are like being muddied, you know.

LIZ: Yeah, like when Ravenpaw is telling his story to the other cats, about Redtail and then like Firepaw notices Tigerclaw glaring, just like murderously staring at Ravenpaw. And he's just like, Oh, Ravenpaw must have just gotten it wrong. I will not think about this anymore.

PAZ: No. Firepaw, please.

JULIAN: Oh buddy.

PAZ: I'm also like, is Bluestar not paying attention either? Hello?

JULIAN: Well, she's got other things on her plate.

PAZ: Yeah, I guess. But Tigerclaw seems to be doing this like every hour, so.

JULIAN: Yeah, that's true. She should notice his just like ambient air of menace.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: Maybe people have just gotten used to it, like, oh that's, oh that Tigerclaw.

PAZ: I hope not.

JULIAN: He's just like that.

LIZ: Yeah, but like Ravenpaw's just in his own little Hamlet thing. He's like...

JULIAN: Oh, I was so sad. He was so like excited to get to tell the story to all the other apprentices at the gathering.

PAZ: I know.

JULIAN: He was like really in his element and I was like, aw, the poor little guy.

PAZ: It was very cute that Graypaw was like, wow, who knew Ravenpaw was such a good storyteller.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: Yeah, the rest of the time he's been like so nervous and freaked out. This is like the first time he's really had like, you know, here's where he's like completely comfortable. I'm very worried that he's just gonna get assassinated.

PAZ: Yeah, that kind of is the vibe. I'm amazed that Tigerclaw-- well, okay, Tigerclaw definitely has tried to [laughs].

JULIAN: He's tried to kill him, like, at least twice on screen.

PAZ: Yeah. And everyone's just like, haha.

JULIAN: Oh, that Tigerclaw.

LIZ: He sent one of our children to snake hell, and it's all right.

PAZ: And he wanted one of our children to run out into the road.

LIZ: Also fine.

PAZ: All very fine.

JULIAN: I mean, it seems like they have a pretty like laissez faire attitude towards kit mortality, so.

PAZ: Yeah, I guess so.

LIZ: They should not because they don't have that many, right? That's the whole problem.

PAZ: Yeah. Anything else at the gathering really?

JULIAN: Not really here.

PAZ: I mean, like I guess it ends with like mob mentality versus Yellowfang. Like, once again, these cats are so xenophobic.

JULIAN: They're awful. I also, if I'm remembering correctly, it seemed like Yellowfang-- or like Tigerclaw kind of riled them up some.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Which is just further evidence that I don't like him.

PAZ: Uh huh, yeah.

LIZ: He's so shady.

PAZ: He's so-- I think I just wrote like, why is he so obviously slimy and shady.

LIZ: I mean, I guess the answer is kids book. But he's so shady.

PAZ: Yeah, but like for a kid's book, it's still-- I mean, it's like fun to like be getting the clues, and kids can be like, aha. I see what's happening.

LIZ: It's very fun. He's very-- he lurks a lot, like you said, and it is fun to read.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah, I'm excited to see when it all like comes to a head, which will probably be soon. Yeah, I mean like, after the gathering is just kind of the stuff with like Yellowfang getting accused, and some more of her like mysterious backstory there. And also, advancing the Bluestar/Yellowfang agenda. Because Yellowfang's like, I trust Bluestar to be fair.

JULIAN: Yeah. And then she is fair.

PAZ: She is. She's like, nobody fucking touch Yellowfang under my watch.

LIZ: Yeah, I have that section highlighted if we want to read it.

PAZ: Sure, go ahead.

JULIAN: Yeah.

LIZ: "Yellowfang looked up at Bluestar and narrowed her eyes respectfully." She's drinking that respect cat juice. "'I will leave now if you wish it, Bluestar.' 'There is no need,' Bluestar replied. 'You have done nothing wrong. You will be safe here.'" It's very dramatic, very romantic.

PAZ: Yes.

JULIAN: Ugh, perfect.

PAZ: What's better than that?

JULIAN: We also get some more Firepaw/Spottedleaf.

PAZ: Oh, yeah.

JULIAN: Just him thinking a lot about how nice she smells.

PAZ: I think like, within this chunk of chapters, how nice she smells comes up at least twice, maybe three times. It's like, okay.

LIZ: Okay now, they are cats, but it's still weird. Because also, I think, like, heterosexual humans write like this, too, about other humans.

PAZ: Well, that was the thing in Harry Potter, I remember, was apparently, the thing that Harry would notice was smell in hair.

Yep.

Great, great stuff, great stuff to notice about someone.

LIZ: I don't know. It's the same wording for for Spottedleaf. She's always like warm and sweet, like she's--

JULIAN: Her warm, sweet breath, specifically.

LIZ: Ugh.

JULIAN: And I'm just like, have you smelled a cat's breath before?

LIZ: She's been eating like voles, cause she's like the cat in the wild. I don't think she's gonna smell like cinnamon or anything. I don't know.

JULIAN: She doesn't get those, what are the chews that you give your pet so that they brush their teeth, the little dental chews?

PAZ: Maybe she has like herbs that she chews, I don't know.

JULIAN: There you go.

LIZ: She's the only one who does. That's why she's so special. It's medicine, that's how she knows.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, that was like kind of it for Spottedleaf stuff so far.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: For now,

JULIAN: The journey to the Moonstone is like the next bit, and it is very-- like it's a long journey. It takes them an entire day to get there.

PAZ: Yeah, if you like, look on the map-- there's no scale markers as we established. But it's like, all the way on the other side of like ThunderClan territory and across WindClan territory, and then like to a mine across the road. I guess cats are tiny so it takes them a long time.

LIZ: Mmm... they're just little guys.

PAZ: They are.

JULIAN: They're just little guys. My epub version of the map is not good quality. Sorry, continue.

LIZ: No, it's just that this group is like, three-fifths just babies.

PAZ: It is.

JULIAN: Yeah, and not only is it long, they have to cross the Thunderpath and Firepaw almost gets hit by a car because a bunch of like chucklefucks drive off the road at him, which is awful.

LIZ: That's so awful.

PAZ: Yeah, I was like, wow, like who does that? I guess there's assholes out there but like what the fuck.

LIZ: He's just a little baby.

JULIAN: He's a baby boy.

PAZ: He is. I can't protect him.

LIZ: No, he doesn't want you to.

JULIAN: That's Bluestar and Yellowfang's son.

PAZ: Their son. I also wrote down Lionheart death flag, because he has this scene-- I don't know if this is true, but he has this scene with Graypaw where he's like, don't forget what I've taught you. And Graypaw's like, I will always remember Lionheart. I'm like, This guy's gonna fucking bite it.

JULIAN: God, yeah. Did-- no, Tigerclaw came with them to the Moonstone.

PAZ: Yeah, he did. Yeah, cause he tries to get Ravenpaw fucking run over.

LIZ: What a terrible cat, terrible.

JULIAN: All cats are queens except for Tigerclaw, who's rancid.

PAZ: Yeah, sorry. We're amending the rules.

JULIAN: Yeah, the Moonstone is also in a cave called Mothermouth, which is a choice of a name.

PAZ: Yeah, I don't know where they got that one. Don't know the reasoning behind that one.

LIZ: I'm really just picturing it as like, you know, a cave, but it also looks like the the emoji that's like the colon and then a capital O.

PAZ: I think it's like, it's supposed to be like an abandoned mine because if you look on the, the human version of the map of the area, it says, let me check. It says Devil's Fingers, disused mine.

JULIAN: Oh damn.

LIZ: Mm, spooky.

PAZ: Very welcoming. But yeah, they're gonna go in that mine. Who knows what will happen?

JULIAN: I'm excited to like see more of the StarClan stuff.

PAZ: Yeah, me too. I'm all for cat magic. Why not?

JULIAN: Again, teen me was wrong. Cat magic is cool as hell.

PAZ: Fuck yeah.

LIZ: I'm excited to see it because so far it's been very, like I guess practical. They have like mythology, but it's just these are just cats living and working

PAZ: Yeah, it's also like interesting that their like religion thing is like, it's just ancestor-focused, like it's not like a one to one Christianity thing.

JULIAN: Yeah, there's no cat God.

PAZ: Like I don't think there's like a cat God or anything, as far as I know.

LIZ: I don't think I could take that.

PAZ: No, I'm pretty sure there isn't.

JULIAN: Firepaw has become Catholic.

PAZ: Oh no.

JULIAN: No.

PAZ: Yeah, I think the StarClan stuff is pretty interesting. And it definitely gets fleshed out.

JULIAN: Yeah, we get a lot more StarClan content in later books. And also maybe in this one? I don't remember.

PAZ: Uh, maybe. I mean like they're going to the Moonstone so there'll probably be like weird vision shit. We'll see. Yeah, I mean, anything-- we kind of like, went through chronologically. Anything else that anybody has to add?

JULIAN: Oh, we did see dogs in our journey to the Moonstone.

PAZ: Oh yeah. They weren't speaking, though.

JULIAN: They were vicious, and they were not speaking. So that's one point against dogs being sentient.

PAZ: Yeah, maybe that gets retconned, who knows.

LIZ: I think that's it for this chapter.

JULIAN: Yeah, I think-- do we want to move on to-- what's next?

PAZ: So we have some questions from our dear friends and listeners about the series that I think maybe we can weigh in on and help answer. So I guess we can take turns reading this. I can start. We got an email from Keesh. And I will read it out. "Thank you for cursing us with the knowledge of the ball-centric cosmology of the Warrior cats. It is cursed. I do have some stories about my Warrior Cats days that I'll share in the future as they're relevant. The ball talk did remind me of my Warrior Cats RP forum having a 'special cave,' where we would describe cats going to together and then describe a fade to black. I'm curious to learn more about the overall horniness of the Warrior Cats world, and would like to discover if the fuck cave from my RP forum is inspired by an inherent horniness of the world of the Warriors or was a horse.com original." So, where do we weigh in on the horniness so far?

JULIAN: I think it's a little column A, little column B.

LIZ: Yeah, mm-hmm.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: The seeds of it are there.

JULIAN: Because like our Warrior Cats RP forum also had a cave where we would describe like a fade to black. And so I don't know if that was like just a thing in the wider cultural landscape of Warrior Cats RP forums, um,

PAZ: Well, on neopets.com, it was not, but that's probably because it was heavily moderated forums for children.

JULIAN: Yeah, I mean, again it was you know, oh they lick each other's ears or something. And fade to black.

PAZ: Who knows what's going on in there.

JULIAN: Because we were all like, 12, and didn't know anything, and should not have been RPing anything more than that.

PAZ: And also they're cats.

JULIAN: And also they're cats. Um.

PAZ: Yeah, I can't like super remember from the future books, but I feel like I mean there is like a lot of romance in the books, but I feel like it focuses more on like the drama of it than the other stuff, because they're cats. But there is like, I think the author is trying to like convey cat attraction gets weird, as we've seen with that sweet breath.

LIZ: Uh-huh.

JULIAN: Yeah. Yeah, so I think it's-- I come down on it's both. It's the series is a little-- is inherently like trying to convey cat attraction in a way that reads very horny.

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: It's just that from like the first few chapters we hear about balls. That's it.

PAZ: Yeah, there is a lot of balls talk, but.

JULIAN: The balls talk itself is not horny, though.

PAZ: No, but it's like related to like this weird focus on like having kids, I guess, I don't know.

LIZ: Yeah, I guess, like, just the presence of like cats can-- you know, the cats can have kids, obviously, and they're going to show the kids being there. It's like unspoken, I guess.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: I think where I come down is, I don't think the books are trying to be horny, but I think the authors are struggling with how to convey, like nonhuman attraction and hence it comes off, weird.

LIZ: Yeah, I guess, cause they're cats, the only way you can really talk about is like scent and other things that cats do that are like normal. They like--

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Right.

LIZ: They smell like little, little leafs and stuff, too, and that's just part of their life.

JULIAN: Right, like it's normal for cats to smell each other and lick each other. It's just that when humans do that...

PAZ: Yeah, it's kind of like a weird like a side effect of this clash of like trying to be realistic with the cats but also like very anthropomorphizing their like personalities and like thinking. So. Does someone want to read the next one?

JULIAN: Sure. This is from Alix. "Do you guys think Bluestar was intentionally gaming the system by naming Rusty Firepaw? She knew about the prophecy and she's a smart cat. I definitely would have done something like that in her position." This is a very good question.

PAZ: This is a great question that I didn't think of.

JULIAN: I also did not of that.

PAZ: But I love to think of it.

JULIAN: But it's a great concept.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, I do think Bluestar is very smart.

JULIAN: She's extremely savvy.

PAZ: Yeah, so I could see you're doing something like that, which would be extremely funny.

LIZ: She didn't have to name him Firepaw. She could have named him like Orangetail, but she didn't.

JULIAN: Well, it also brings up the question of like, if it had been Smudge playing in the forest, would she even have been like, come join our clan? Or did she specifically need an orange cat?

PAZ: Oh, that's a good question but then I guess--

JULIAN: That makes her sound shadier than I think she is, though.

PAZ: But I mean, I guess like it really is all fate because Firepaw had the right personality to become a warrior. But maybe that was like-- that did push her to like let him in, like, even beyond just his personality. She's like, wait a second.

JULIAN: That was the nudge.

PAZ: This cat's orange.

LIZ: Have you guys heard the thing about like how, for some reason, some science reason that I don't know about, like most orange cats are like boys, and they're also very dumb?

PAZ: Yeah.

LIZ: The very dumb part is not scientific, but

PAZ: I think it's accurately reflected here in this book.

JULIAN: Yep. Yeah, I knew about the boy thing. The dumb thing tracks from what I know of orange cats.

PAZ: Yeah, it's like there's no science behind it, but you know, there's a lot of anecdotal evidence, I think.

JULIAN: It's like how everyone says torties are really mean. Or like cranky.

PAZ: Yeah, which I also think is true.

JULIAN: Which I also think is true.

LIZ: I love them both.

PAZ: All cats are queens.

LIZ: They are.

PAZ: Except Tigerclaw.

LIZ: Who's a bitch.

PAZ: Um, yeah, I guess, I guess what I weigh in on this question is, I think she could be. And if she is, I support her.

JULIAN: Yeah, my answer is I don't know if there's textual evidence for it, but I think it's cool as hell, so it happened.

LIZ: Yep, same here.

JULIAN: Oh sorry, there's a big helicopter.

LIZ: Yeah, I'm pretty much in the same camp for that, it's cool.

Do you want to read the next one, Liz?

Sure. "Do all the random kits in this book actually grow up to become-- sorry, to be characters? I feel like they don't, so that's something to keep an eye on. Example: chapter 11, page 131. 'He recognized the little tabby Yellowfang had hissed at the day before. Sitting next to him was a fluffy gray kit no more than two months old. A tiny black kit and a small tortoiseshell stood beside them.'"

PAZ: So I went and did some research into this before the show to try and answer this question, cause I think it's also a very good question. So I went to the Warriors Cat wiki and found out that every chapter in the books has like its own wiki page.

LIZ: Whoa.

JULIAN: Wow.

PAZ: With a summary, and also like a cast of characters that appear in it. So in chapter nine where this excerpt is from, in the Characters Minor section, it does say "unnamed gray and white kit, unnamed tabby kit, unnamed tabby queen." So, yeah, I think maybe they're just non-characters.

JULIAN: Yeah, I also wouldn't put it past, given my-- like, what I know of the Warriors series where no character can be allowed to die and not have a backstory, I wouldn't be surprised if there's like a ThunderClan warrior in one of the later series who like could conceivably be these kits. But also I am not willing to do the deep dive into the Warriors wiki that that would require.

PAZ: I mean, I trust the Warriors wiki that they would list them like if they knew so I think the fact that they just put like unnamed kit seems like no one was able to really trace it.

JULIAN: If anyone could find it, it would be the good folks at the Warriors wiki.

PAZ: Yes, they're very thorough. There's also an errors mentioned in this chapter, which is "Yellowfang is mistakenly mentioned as pale gray." So they're on top of their shit.

LIZ: [gasps] She's not? What color is she?

PAZ: I think she's like dark gray.

LIZ: I see.

PAZ: It's not the right shade of gray.

LIZ: I was like, I do just like seeing just a description of just a whole bunch of small cats.

PAZ: Yes, it's very good.

LIZ: I'm very easy to please this book is-- just talks about a whole bunch of different cats, and I'm like, mm-hmm, literature.

PAZ: Yeah, and this kind of goes into the next thing that Alix pointed out, which is, "in general, I feel that the size of ThunderClan is super unclear in this book," which I also agree with.

LIZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, I mean, it's saying like, they don't have enough like warriors. But I don't know if like they name every single warrior, or if there are just like unnamed background characters like with the kits. I don't know.

JULIAN: Yeah, there's definitely like-- like there is the allegiances section at the beginning of the book, but like any cat that doesn't have a name isn't included in it. So, it's not like a-- it's just a list of the cats who are characters and not a list of like everybody.

PAZ: Yeah, but I mean, really, how large can a cat clan be? I have seen a like stray cat colony before. Like, there was one by this like apartment complex. They were like stray in the sense that like people would put out food for them, not-- they weren't like hunting. I mean, they were hunting, but they weren't warriors. And it was quite large, so.

JULIAN: they usually don't get above like 30 to 50, right? That's me making shit up, or like vaguely--

PAZ: That sounds right but I mean, that's a lot to me. I don't--

JULIAN: Yeah, no, that's a lot. Like that's not--

PAZ: I would love to be surrounded by 30 to 50 cats.

JULIAN: Feral cats, though?

PAZ: No.

LIZ: Just get the Temptations, then they won't be feral. Then you can change them.

JULIAN: Oh.

LIZ: Tempt them to this side.

JULIAN: Great news. The Warriors wiki page for cat.

LIZ: Yes?

PAZ: Yes?

JULIAN: Does talk about feral cats. "The name for a feral cat colony can also be called a clowder."

LIZ: Whoa. What?

PAZ: What? That sounds cool, but what?

JULIAN: Yep, and they usually live in groups of, like, three to 25, it says.

PAZ: Oh, okay.

JULIAN: Oh my god, this article is really detailed.

PAZ: I mean, this is the base of the whole book.

JULIAN: "Cats are small furry quadrupeds. They possess flexible bodies, quick reflexes, sharp teeth, retractable front claws, and non-retractable hind claws." It's like, this is the Warrior Cats wiki. We all know what a cat is.

LIZ: No, we don't. What is a cat, really? Think about it.

JULIAN: We start talking about the circulatory system, cat blood types.

PAZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Their skeletal and musculature.

PAZ: Just link to Wikipedia.

LIZ: Oh my god. That's amazing. Nothing but respect for this.

JULIAN: This is like, this is reminding me of the Star Wars wiki that has an entry for breasts.

LIZ: Oh no.

PAZ: Oh yes.

LIZ: What? Wait. No?

PAZ: Oh yeah.

LIZ: No.

PAZ: Wait, I gotta go find that.

JULIAN: I'm sorry, Liz.

LIZ: I don't enjoy that. I do--

JULIAN: It's all listed in-- it's all written in past tense.

PAZ: Okay. Oh my g--

LIZ: What?

PAZ: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

JULIAN: I'm crying about the image.

PAZ: The image. Are you there? Are you there, Julian?

JULIAN: I just linked it and so the image is in the chat.

LIZ: No!

PAZ: No, no no no no no, no. The page I am on does not have that image.

JULIAN: Oh, what page-- oh, I'm on the Legends tab and not the Canon tab. Sorry, I gotta click over to the Canon ta-- [shriek-laughs]

LIZ: No! That's worse!

PAZ: So the image--

JULIAN: I'm sorry, okay.

PAZ: The image featured on the page Breasts on wookiepedia.com is Kylo Ren shirtless.

LIZ: [muffled] No.

JULIAN: It's the picture where he's got his pants pulled up so high.

PAZ: Where he looks extremely square.

JULIAN: The caption is "Ben Solo reveals his chests."

PAZ: Whoever did that, thank you.

JULIAN: Good news, "Appearances: since breasts reasonably appear in every piece of Star Wars media, this list only includes specific mentions of them." Sorry. When you click over to the Legends tab, it's a picture of somebody. Some blue lady from Star Wars, who has tentacle hair, and she's got her tiddy out.

PAZ: It says "a sleeping Aayla Secura reveals a breast."

LIZ: That's such a way of phrasing it.

PAZ: Anyway, I love fan wikis. Never change.

LIZ: There is a whole subsection called "Role in Males." I will not read it. I just wanted to point out that that's there. No, I--

Ah, Wookiepedia.

There's another section called "Non-mammals with Breasts."

PAZ: Oh no. I think we need to-- we gotta get away from this.

JULIAN: We gotta, we gotta come back around to Alix's final question.

LIZ: Please.

PAZ: Yeah. Please read it. Go ahead.

JULIAN: "Where are Ravenpaw's parents? I feel like they have to be dead, given his treatment in the book. Frowny face." Um, I did a little bit of quick wiki research just now. And we know that he has parents and we know their names. Their names are Robinwing and Fuzzypelt.

LIZ: What?

PAZ: Oh my god.

LIZ: Oh my god.

JULIAN: Yes, yes, Fuzzypelt was his dad and Robinwing was his mom.

PAZ: That's perfect.

LIZ: The best name for a dad cat, holy shit.

JULIAN: But unfortunately I cannot determine the timeline of both of their deaths. Um, but uh, Robinwing had three litters with Fuzzypelt.

PAZ: Was Ravenpaw in the last one?

JULIAN: And then also a son with another mate.

PAZ: Oh.

JULIAN: But um, I'm not sure what the timeline is on that.

PAZ: Let me go take a quick look.

JULIAN: Yeah, she's also Longtail's mom with Patchpelt.

PAZ: Well, Longtail's definitely older than Ravenpaw.

JULIAN: For sure. Yeah. Are the cats polyamorous?

PAZ: I don't think so.

LIZ: I guess. No? Yes?

PAZ: I don't-- No.

JULIAN: It doesn't seem like they are, but this, uh...

PAZ: Maybe her first guy died before her.

LIZ: Oh yeah, is she widowed?

PAZ: Sadly, I don't think the cats are.

LIZ: They do kind of have a at least like a like village raises the kids situation, right?

JULIAN: Yeah, that's nice.

LIZ: Even if they're monogamous. There seems to be like a, like a group that takes care of all the cat like kids. The kittens. There's a word for that.

JULIAN: Yeah. Okay, so it's unclear when Robinwing dies, but Fuzzypelt enters the elders' den before Bluestar becomes a leader.

PAZ: So I'm inclined to say yes, they're dead based on that.

JULIAN: That would be my guess. Yeah.

PAZ: Yeah, but I don't know if-- maybe they just haven't come up yet, but I don't know if we've seen Graypaw's parents either. But he seems more well-adjusted, so maybe they're there.

LIZ: How often do like the kids see the parents? Cause they seem to--

PAZ: Well, every day presumably. They're all in the same clan.

LIZ: Yeah, that's true. I don't know. I guess we see mostly just like the training and hanging around stuff instead of like home life.

JULIAN: Yeah, I'm very-- this timeline does not make sense to me. Because Ravenpaw cannot be more than a couple months old if he's still an apprentice or like a year old at the most. And like Bluestar has been a leader for a bit.

PAZ: Plot hole. Cinema Sins ding.

JULIAN: Ding! I think the lore bible needed some updates here. This is what happens when you give all your cats elaborate backstories,

PAZ: Really, you could just say unknown, unknown parent.

JULIAN: Yep.

PAZ: But I think I think Ravenpaw has orphan vibes, for sure.

JULIAN: He does, he definitely does. I can't imagine that his parents would be like yeah it's totally find that our kid is like incredibly anxious. All the time.

PAZ: Yeah, yeah. Also if like I heard my kid got sent to fucking snake hell rocks, and like came back with a snake, I'd be like, what the hell.

LIZ: Fuzzypelt rolls up to the Warriors PTA meeting like, what. Where did you take my child? Excuse me?

PAZ: Poor Ravenpaw, he deserves some parents.

JULIAN: I know. How come Firepaw gets two moms, and Ravenpaw doesn't have any?

PAZ: Oh, not fair.

LIZ: Firepaw has protagonist hair, that's why.

PAZ: Well, that was all the questions we got, um. Thank you so much everyone for sending them in. They were very fun to answer and research. Anyone else have any pressing closing thoughts?

JULIAN: Just that if you have any more questions, send them to us at stairwaytostarclan@gmail.com.

PAZ: Yeah.

JULIAN: And we will try to answer them.

PAZ: Yeah, I'd love to do a question segment every once in a while and really dig into that lore.

LIZ: Yeah.

PAZ: So for next week we're going to be reading chapters 15 through 18. So if you're reading along, that's where we'll be at. Thanks everyone for tuning in and may StarClan light your path.

[outro music]

Bye.

LIZ: Bye.

JULIAN: Bye y'all.

[aion-rsa]

Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 4 Review: Holy War Part One

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This Wynonna Earp review contains spoilers.

Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 4

“Destiny is what we are drawn towards and fate is that which we run into.” Waverly needs to embroider this onto a pillow to have around the homestead because it’s not a half-bad motto for the Earp family, nor for the show itself. We know from the glimpses we’ve had into Waverly and Wynonna’s childhood, as well as from the information we’ve gathered about the history of this town and the Earps’ place in it, that The Family Earp has not always been the bastion of support and togetherness that it is today. Each generations of Earps has responded differently to the curse, some more healthily than others. The Earp heirs have had a heavy destiny placed upon their shoulders, one they do not get to choose. Fate, however, at least in Wyatt Earp’s interpretation of it, has some measure of free will about it.

For Wynonna, destiny, in the form of the curse, has been, until recently, one of the major forces in her life. It has been a burden she’s chafed against, but it has been a choice made for her, and there can be a kind of comfort in that. Without the burden of the curse, Wynonna is only left with fate, something she is far less practiced in maneuvering. Interestingly, Wynonna has been able to quickly clarify if not her purpose then her process: fighting alongside her people, which now includes the recovered Jeremy, and, destiny-willing, with Peacemaker (in whatever form it may take) in her hands. She has taken to her post-curse life like a sweary duck to water, and it’s been a pleasure to see in a season that has seen Nicole in such pain.

For Nicole, who has had the best storyline thus far this season, the long 18 months without Waverly or the rest of her found family was a time of stagnancy and trauma, of doing what she had to do to keep her and Rachel alive, of holding down the fort until her family returned and she could start living again. If that doesn’t sound like running towards something, it’s not. “I knew you could handle yourself,” Jeremy tells Nicole when she not-so-subtly (and understandably) accuses him of abandoning her during her time of need. “That’s not what I did,” Nicole tells him. Later, she admits to Wynonna that she gave up hope on them coming back to her. She gave up on fate and surrendered to destiny. (Wonderfalls reference, anyone?)

Depressingly, Nicole’s struggles didn’t end when she got her family back. Her life continues to be driven by forces outside of her control. For 18 months, her life was defined by an absence she felt she had lost control over. In this episode, her body is literally controlled by some kind of supernatural force set on her by Margot Clanton—an unjust consequence for the one time in those 18 months when Nicole tried to run towards something. And it totally backfired.

I love how supportive Waverly is when Nicole is literally too sick to tell her the horrible thing she has done. We don’t know what Nicole promised Ma’am, but it is something she doesn’t believe Waverly and the others will ever be able to forgive her for. As of right now, we don’t know what that is, and I love that Wynonna Earp is keeping this a mystery for now. It’s hard to believe that there is anything that Waverly and the audience wouldn’t forgive Nicole for, especially given that it was offered when Nicole was at her lowest, when she was alone and terrified that she would never see the love of her life again. Still, I’m on the edge of my seat.

“Holy War Part One” works to restore some of the pre-time jump status quo. BBD has appointed Jeremy as the captain of the local Purgatory branch, and the crew has moved back into their old offices in the town police station. Nicole might not have her sheriff position back (another role of control and security that was taken from her during those 18 months), but the gang has their BBD hangout, and it feels like coming home. Perhaps more importantly, it is a symbol that the Clantons don’t have complete authority over Purgatory, which initially seemed to be the case. While the logic may be too vague for my tastes, Black Badge has a power that the Clantons can’t touch and, at least for now (until we meet Naomi’s bosses), BBD is more or less on Team Earp’s side.

One element of the status quo that has yet to be restored is the return of Peacemaker. Wynonna and Doc follow the trail that Aimen claims will lead them to the missing weapon. For now, it just leads Wynonna to the home of a bunch of judgy nuns and, eventually, to “Steve’s Gulch,” where Wynonna and Doc find Rosita. Yes, Season 2 Rosita, the ex-revenant who we last saw when she was making plans to trade Baby Alice for safe passage out of Purgatory. How is she still around if the curse is broken? And how might she lead Wynonna to Peacemaker? All questions we don’t yet know the answer to as this episode has not one, but two juicy cliffhangers…

The other cliffhanger is yet another situation that puts poor, tortured Nicole Haught in danger. (These kinds of scenes are so much less stressful for a show that we know will never Bury Their Gays.) In an attempt to get whatever is possessing Nicole and making her all stabby out of her, Jeremy and Nedley are trying to temporarily kill Nicole by drowning her in a tub of water while Nedley dons a wolf head hat and chants from a book of magic. (You know, the uzsh.) This is the scene that Waverly, who Nicole had handcuffed to their bed to keep from witnessing this, walks into. Yeah, it looks pretty traumatizing, and is not dissimilar to what Wynonna did to Nicole and others when she drugged them in the Season 3 finale so that she and Waverly could go face Bulshar alone. Nicole got pretty understandably pissed at Wynonna for this, which is why it’s disappointing to see her take a choice like this away from Waverly. Nicole is not the same person she was 18 months ago.

“Holy War Part One” was a subtly strong episode. Last week, we got the first signs that we would be tapping back into Earpian mythology this season, and this week’s episode continues that trend in both philosophical and logistical ways. It’s been a while since we had an episode that so draws on the Old West history of this family and this town, and I am eager to see what happens next.

Additional thoughts.

OK, where the f is Robin tho?

“It’s not a war, Holliday. It’s just a town.” I kind of… like Sheriff Holt?

Nicole is pissed at Jeremy for abandoning her during those months. I hope they don’t drop this.

“Gold. Frankincense. Tickets to Lizzo.” I want a ticket to Lizzo! And a world where concerts are still a (safe) thing.

I also want to go to the Ghost River Triangle Museums! I miss museums, especially small, eccentric ones like this one.

I continue to have… so many questions about Wyatt and Doc’s relationship.

Is it too late for Billy? I liked this kid.

“Some people deserve to be shot.”

“Whatever side we fight on, the blood we shed to win the war, will damn us all.” Honestly, Doc is filled with ominous quotes this episode. Another highlight: “I’ve often been left to ponder, Wynonna, whether or not this legacy of bloodshed will be the ruin of everyone we love.”

“How? When the monsters keep coming and coming, how am I supposed to live a normal life? And why the fuck would I want to?” Love this.

“Just because you’re rejecting your legacy doesn’t mean I have to reject mine.” Seriously, in a season that sees so many characters struggling with their fates and/or destinies, it is nice to see Wynonna so sure about hers.

“Well, it would take a lot more than Egyptian plagues to keep me from wanting to marry your sister.” <3

“It was the Old West. The only difference between them and us were the stars pinned to our chest.” Seriously, Doc is so reflective this episode.

Petition to have a whole episode that shows us what Doc is up to while everyone else is sleeping. Has he picked up any new hobbies? Are there town insomniacs he has befriended? Does he enjoy the sunrise? So many questions.

Also, petition to have a whole episode that flashes back to Nicole during those 18 months.

The post Wynonna Earp Season 4, Episode 4 Review: Holy War Part One appeared first on Den of Geek.

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