#letterbox archives file

[the-letterbox-archives]

file (0)0-40-000: writer questionnaire

thank you @ominous-feychild, @paeliae-occasionally, and @the-golden-comet for tagging me! this is a writing questionnaire, and before i answer them i wanted to say that i love this game idea! as much as i love loredumping about characters and plots (as bad as i am at plots), i also really value talking about my process and general writing questions like this! alright, let's get on with the answers...

about me

when did you start writing?

i wrote my first novella in two weeks (it wasn't very good or edited, i'm not that good haha) during the 2020 lockdown, and have on that rhythm ever since, albeit on a much slower, yet bigger scale. in terms of writing overall, i've been doing it since i could read. i'm very excited to reach my fifth year of 'official' writing, with 3 books privately released and a fourth on the way!

are there genres/themes you enjoy reading different to the ones you write?

honestly, i don't read as much as i should. i read more as a kid, but i've kind of lost that spark due to poor mental health, busy schedules, and other reasons. but to zero down on the question, i don't hold myself to genres, because i prefer character focused stories, but i like speculative content the most, which is what i write. i don't really vibe with contemporary and slice-of-life stuff, through no fault of the genre, i'm just not that interested in it generally.

is there an author you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

i don't think my work has reached enough people to be compared to any author, at least nobody has told me i write like someone else. i've done emulation work in school before, but i don't like writing like that, it feels disingenuous with how stream-of-consciousness my writing is. so no, i don't want to emulate anyone.

can you tell me a little about your writing space?

writing anywhere but my house is incredibly stressful, i can't focus on creating stuff unless i'm at home, either in my bed, at my desk, or just in an armchair. nothing too special.

what's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

i wish i had a foolproof way to get my energy going. but since i don't have much obligation to write on a schedule, i'm allowed to write whenever inspiration hits. but it's easier to get in the writing headspace with some non-distracting music/videos.

did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

for settings, not consciously. i don't like writing about real places, i usually use a fantasy world or an ambiguous place without relying on real-world settings for anything less than minor inspiration. in terms of my characters, most of them have parts of themselves taken from me or my past. the most active example of this is basically every character in insincere., all of whom are based of me, my dysregulated emotions, or certain social/societal issues. to sum it all up, my trauma makes for interesting casts.

are there any recurring themes of your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

i try to put a lot of emphasis on character relationships, so i imagine a lot of themes there come up more than once without my active thought towards it. i often just write what feels right, so themes do recur across multiple stories, but i wouldn't be surprised if someone pointed out that some themes come up again, i wouldn't be surprised. i do want to put some emphasis on the theme of trauma and love of all stripes. on the love side, tales from a dying heart is the prime example of this, hell, the entire thing is about love. however, all my stories with genuine character relationships do focus on the concept of love. father-son with laszlo and yaromyr, one-sided platonic with daphne and faye, obsessive distant romance with sunny and darcy, mother-daughter with sasha and dulcinea, the list goes on. trauma is present through everything i write, i'm unable to write anything without it (insincere. i'm looking at you). and they'll all evolve and change, in different ways.

my characters

would you please tell me about your current favourite character?

i don't think i could pick just one, i have so much love in my heart for all of my characters. i adore ven's tired attitude, sunny's humour, daphne and faye's dynamic, laszlo's ambition, sasha's motherly love and intelligence, yaromyr and danareth's relationship, sissy's obnoxious clairvoyance, the list keeps expanding.

which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

i'd have to go with ven, sunny, laszlo, and daphne. i think those four would both be people i'd want to befriend, and people who'd want to befriend me (hopefully).

which of your characters would you dislike most if you met them?

i think if i ended up on the wrong side of the fence with danareth, i would hate his guts. i love writing him, but he's such a slimy jerk sometimes that i don't think i would get along with him. i also don't think i'd like the owl from insincere., who's name is yet to be revealed. he sucks, but he does bite sissy, so he gets some goodwill. the last one i can think of would be arthur blackwood, just because he's rich and socially dense, and in the episode i'm writing, he's rude to daphne. and nobody can slight daphne without me hating them (characters i mean). nobody in school rules nor dulcinea is dead has rubbed me the wrong way yet, thankfully.

tell me more about the process of coming up with your characters.

it's hard to pin down my process since it's so emotionally driven. i just make characters on instinct, usually starting with a scene of conversation between multiple characters that i imagine based off a feeling. that's how it works for basically all of my characters. they just kind of... appear in my brain half-formed, then i begin to refine them.

do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

i've considered doing protagonist profiles to find similarities between all of them. i mostly write teenage protagonists, and i like writing characters who are super driven to achieve their goal. additionally, a lot of them are traumatised or will be traumatised in their respective series. a lot of emotional turbulence in store for all of my characters!

how do you picture your characters?

i don't, at least in any way i can properly describe. when i imagine scenes in my head every single character has a fully realised appearance, but it exists beyond any way i'm capable of explaining it. i can say i picture them in live-action, yet recently when i picture insincere. i picture it in 2d animation, with very minimalist animation for ven (like moving at a slower frame rate if that makes sense), sissy with rubberhose animation kind of like spinel or jax, and the owl being very expressive in its animation.

my writing

what's your reason for writing?

there's a lot of reasons. i've always been borderline maladaptive daydreaming and had minor dissociative episodes recently, it just feels easier for me to exist in a world i design to my own tastes. it's easier to cope with my existence when i do stuff like that, which probably isn't healthy but whatever. i write to get everything out of my head and because it's fun!

is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

i'm honestly still shocked i have readers! that aside, i love all comments, but the ones that really tell me people care about what i write is theories, headcanons, and other noticings like that, those types of comments just make me feel amazing. i also find the "x is just like me fr" funny because that's how i express my love for a character and it shows me that character is either funny or semi-relatable.

how do you want to be thought of by those who read your work?

i just want to be someone who inspired some thought in the reader, and just gave them a good time! i'd be insanely flattered if people took massive meaning from my work and made those amazing tumblr mini-essays about the themes or characters i write about, but all in all i think i want to be thought of as a writer who writes things that people simply enjoy, and want to come back to, maybe make some fan content about. just a small set of slightly memorable pieces in an infinite archive.

what do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

this is gonna sound sad, but i often can't see distinct admirable traits in my writing. if i had to think further out, i might go to my characters. i love my characters so much, and i think because i think about them so much, the nuance that exists in my head about them bleeds into my writing and makes my characters interesting and memorable (hopefully haha).

what have you been frequently told by others is your greatest strength as a writer?

i've been told a few things. no commentary straight from the archives, at least from anything i can remember, but in my real life i've been told i write dialogue well (which i somewhat agree with) and that i write enjoyable/interesting characters.

how do you feel about your own writing?

very mixed. i can't give a solid verdict because i hate my older work because it's cringe, but the stuff i'm writing currently and that i'm still passionate about i enjoy reading back (sometimes), and i think i like what i write now. i'm so proud i got my writing out there into the archives, either way.

if you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

of course! that's what i was doing since before 2020, and even then my books were only circulated around family and close friends, as more of a symbolic gift than anything. i didn't get too much insight back, except for from certain relatives, which i always immensely appreciated. to circle back to the question, having an audience is still very new to me, and if it came down to the criteria the question proposes, i would still write.

when you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

what i enjoy. i am now conscious of my audience, but then again i am not especially writing for an audience, like that's not what's at the forefront of my mind when i write. as grateful as i am for an audience at all (you guys are amazing <3), i'm writing for myself, as i have been since i was a kid.

wow, this was an insightful questionnaire! thank you again for tagging me in, my tag list is just below!

@introchasingstars, @honeybewrites, @noxxytocin, @moltenwrites, @tc-doherty,

@the-ellia-west, @theverumproject, @thecrazyalchemist, @laylathewordwitch, @dragonedged-if,

@leitereads, @autism-purgatory, @gioiaalbanoart, @drchenquill, @fenmere,

@leahnardo-da-veggie, @melpomene-grey, @yourpenpaldee, @corinneglass, @agirlandherquill,

@willtheweaver, @nczaversnick, @davycoquette, @glassfrogforest, @princeofhags,

and @wyked-ao3!

[the-letterbox-archives]

oh boy oh boy i get to talk about things!!! i'm very excited about starting tfadh so i'll ramble about that for a bit

so since it's an anthology, all the stories are separate, but i've got 12 (probably gonna be more) separate stories right now, with a decided beginning and end stories. but since it's all about love and consumption, i'm having a lot of fun putting those ideas into many different scenarios.

i got to do a tag game questionnaire for the heart itself and it really got me thinking about what the heart is. literally speaking, it is a huge human heart that created all life but has since grown bitter, believing human love something that only hurts its creations, so it seeks to take loving mortals and keep them where they are senseless and complacent, and basically forgetful of the love they once felt (so fun to write omg!!).

another thing i need to think about is the mc's names and symbolisms. most are represented by an idea within a relationship, i.e. "i don't trust you - you have to prove your love to me," "i can never be apart from you; we complete each other," "you are my muse," then the heart tries to erase that part of their identities by giving them false names that are used in the heart's retelling of the human's lives. so the heart uses different, usually more superficial aspects, of the characters to give them fake names, because in the heart's eyes human love is not worth anything and is not a suitable way to identify a person.

for example (old snippet, but it gets my point across):

One such tale was that of two lovers from different sides of society. One was a prince whose crown grew heavy on his brow. His palms were painted with gold. We shall call him Chalice, after the golden glasses that held his royal wine.

so the heart recognises chalice as a prince, fond of wine and gold, omitting his relationship with his s/o from his identity i.e. new name. the heart isn't really clued-in to certain human traits, so when it describes chalice's "golden palms," that is referring to the gold rings he wears. chalice's story won't be one of the first, but it's a good example of my point; chalice's identity in relation to love is basically "i would destroy every part of myself for you, why won't you let me?" the heart purposefully ignores this self-destructive nature by focusing chalice's identity on his rich, royal status, using his expensive items as the cornerstone of his existence, whereas chalice would view his love and loyalty as more important to his character than his riches.

another aspect is the symbolic connections. i want there to be a strong connection between nature and love; the heart is a force of nature but it represents and represses love, and i think it's interesting to connect those two concepts. so for each story, each character/pair will have a flower assigned to them. the flower's meaning in generalised flower language will be relevant to their relationship, either what it truly is or what the character/s want it to be. a pair or more of fresh/nice flowers indicates a pair of characters are happy together, their relationship is in a good state. a single flower indicates a character is alone, without the object of their love. a withered flower or a few scrap petals indicates a character's love has been destroyed, either by themselves and/or their loved one, or the heart has taken them.

okayyy that's a very long post, so i'll cut myself off now. thank you @honeybewrites for the opportunity to let me talk about this chaos :)

Good morning everybody!! <3

I need some writing rambles. SO! This is an open call/tag to EVERYONE that sees this!

I want to know what writing you've been working on. Something you're dying to talk about, an OC you adore, a snippet you're proud of having written. ANYTHING!! I want to hear all of it!

You can post something and tag me, just comment, or even DM me! I don't care how you want to tell me, I just want to hear it all!!!

[tc-doherty]

Dragon's Daughter is Publishing!

Not perfectly, of course. There are still some formatting problems to being worked out for the print edition, but hopefully those will be resolved soon and I'll be able to order my proof copy, check it, and release it.

I'll probably make another post at that point.

In the meantime, the e-book has been released and is becoming available on various channels. It won't be available on Amazon because I had been publishing it here and they won't allow you to publish anything that's available for free elsewhere. But it should be on Barnes & Noble, Apple, and a bunch of other places.

The link to the e-book files is here, it's still being updated as the file is getting uploaded places. I don't know why Barnes & Noble isn't showing, I can promise it's on there already.

And I also put the neatly formatted 'for print' file as a PDF on Gumroad, just in case anyone wanted that. I think it looks nice.

It's available for $4.99 on both places.

I understand that not everyone can or wants to support me this way, and that's fine. I appreciate having all of you along for the ride anyway!

I'm tagging the reading list:

@bloodlessheirbyjacques @magefaery @did-i-do-this-write @marrowwife

@muddshadow @outpost51 @full-on-sam @bluberimufim

@unclear-contributions @talesfromtheunknowable @guessillcallitart @flower-reads

@ashiru @xarrixii @the-letterbox-archives

Understandably, I will not be posting the last few updates on here. I have to give you something to look forward to, right? Other than the beautiful illustrations, of course ;)

[moltenwrites]

STORY NAME TAG

Thanks @thatuselesshuman for the tag

Rules: Post the names of all the files ( for me, files are the ideas fighting for attention in my head ) in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it!

After writing the post, I realize I very likely shared more than I was supposed to. Oops-

How our world ended

My current project, the first draft is finished and I’m shooting for a late 2024 early 2025 release

Souls Collide

My first project, and the namesakes of this universe. This one is indefinitely on hold untill I figure out how I want it to end.

Cadin & Raixen ( untitled )

A story focusing on two very important characters in the souls collide universe. This one is a more recent idea, but I’ve got a lot of it locked down in my head

Hart ( untitled )

A story focusing on an aging bounty hunter named Hart! This is the most recent full story idea I’ve had. I only really have the end figured out, but I like the idea

Council of fate ( untitled )

I may never make this one, but a story focusing on the council of fate, and how these people became as fucked up as they are is infinitely interesting to me

Asteri ( untitled )

One of two god based stories I’ve thought of, this one would focus on Asteri, a character who actually made a brief appearance in the How Our World Ended prologue

Other god story idk ( untitled, obviously)

I want to make a story focusing on the Gods post Asteri.

Shorter projects

These projects wouldn’t be full novels like the last, but I felt they were worth mentioning!

The Unfaithful - A remake and expansion of a ( admittedly terrible ) short horror story I wrote many years ago. I actually wrote a couple of paragraphs for this one, but I’m waiting to develop it more

Another Soul - A short project focusing on Oti, the God of death, taking a single soul to the afterlife

Untitled religion idea - this one is probably never gonna see the light of day, but it has a cool concept that I kinda fuck with

Island story - Also very likely never gonna see the light of day, but I thought of it two days ago and it was kinda cool

TAG LIST

Tagging @aintgonnatakethis @ddgraywrites @jjoneswriting @revenantlore @noxxytocin @yourpenpaldee @illarian-rambling @autism-purgatory @the-letterbox-archives @theverumproject @gioiaalbanoart

+ Open tag

[ominous-feychild]

✦ WIP Name Tag ✦

Following tag from @yourpenpaldee!

RULES:

Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it!

Sooo there's a couple ways this can go, heh... most of my WIPs are sorted into channels and even further into threads within them in my own private Discord server, haha. So what I'll do is share the names of a couple of my threads and maybe what few Docs I have floating around!

Gene Scares The SHIT Out Of Oska

✦ thread from/about the Arcane Rifts ✦ I feel like the name is pretty self-evident. Tbh that's the case for most of my thread names, haha ✦ It covers events late in the first book. Mild spoilers. ✦ Gene is one of the MCs. Oska... is one the villains. ✦ Gene is 11 at the time.

Tazin's first interaction with Rieka; early khonitva

✦ thread from/about the Arcane Rifts ✦ It covers events midway through the first book. Very mild spoilers. ✦ Tazin is the other MC. Rieka is also one of the villains

The Faewildes

✦ thread from/about Literally Everything ✦ It covers an entire setting in the background of my stories and explains some worldbuilding.

Soren Magic Puppet Guardian

✦ thread from/about Sun and Shadow ✦ It covers events in the background of the story, and worldbuilding. ✦ Soren is Freya's (the MC and primary narrator's) dad. ✦ he's also strongly implied to have powerful magic within the story.

Lynsmouth's "Families"

✦ thread from/about Sun and Shadow ✦ It covers events in the background of the story, and worldbuilding. ✦ there's a reason "families" has quotes around it.

Chapter ? - Caspar and Nikolai discussion

✦ thread from/about the Arcane Rifts ✦ It covers events that happen during the story, with the characters loredumping and spoiling literally the first couple chapters. ✦ Aka you should totally just read them. They're good, I swear. ✦ Caspar is the mayor's assistant (aka technically the second most powerful person in town); Nikolai is the head of the police (aka technically the third most powerful person in town) ✦ Most chapters are listed, y'know, where they belong. Embarrassingly, I didn't decide where this one belongs yet. Hence... hence its title.

Trans Caspar

✦ thread from/about the Arcane Rifts ✦ you bet I'm queerbaiting y'all by sharing this title with you. 🤣 ✦ btw that's a joke. To my knowledge, I am not actually queerbaiting with him. He is trans and it's alluded to in the story if you know when and where to look.

I am not kidding about the title though.

The Pugabiytsy

✦ thread from/about the Arcane Rifts ✦ It covers events in the background of the story and worldbuilding. ✦ did I mention before that tAR/Glavnran is Slavic? ✦ bonus points to anyone who can recognize where the name "pugabiytsy" comes from. ✦ mildly spoilerific, but mostly through explaining/revealing the backgrounds of older characters.

Ponderosa

✦ thread from/about Sun and Shadow ✦ It covers a "background" character in the story. ✦ Three guesses at their name and the first two don't count. ✦ Ponderosa is one of Lynsmouth's (the city SaS takes place in) local gods. Most people are terrified of them because of their rapidly-changing moods and penchant for excessive "punishments"... especially because they're around all the time.

The Kavo Report

✦ thread from/about the Arcane Rifts ✦ who knows? Send an ask. ✦ minor-to-major spoilers depending on what you ask and how you define "spoiler". But I can and will filter out any that are too bad. 😂

Tagging (with no pressure) @darkandstormydolls @honeybewrites @the-letterbox-archives @themboty @fantasy-things-and-such and whoever else wants to join!

Divider from @cafekitsune

[the-letterbox-archives]

oh this is such a cool tag game!! thank you @ominous-feychild for tagging me in!

file (1)2-39-01314: unorthodox ship

i am only going to do on dynamic, because outside of tales from a dying heart there's not too many ship dynamics i want to talk about (of course, there's that unrequited thing between daphne and faye, and sunny's obsession with darcy, but this one is more interesting in my head right now...)

character a is a vicious, inhuman creature of untold madness and chaos. they have recently come into power, the most power anyone has ever had and ever will have. everyone is afraid to incur their wrath. only one person has attempted to go against them, raising a violent coup. character b is a tyrant in their own right, their reckless, murderous fury rivaled only in abundance by a's sadistic mayhem. when it does not succeed, b expects to be killed, their soul scattered across the cosmos. but a has found a fondness in that adversity. through arrangements outside themselves, a and b are wed. a divine ceremony. in time together, a's strange adoration - wholly uncharacteristic of their past - of b has softened their senselessly chaotic soul. similarly, b has found themselves closer to a, as dangerous as they are, and has noticed that the traits that defined them as a monster have waned. the violent chorus in the depths of b's soul has quietened. against all better judgement, they are together. a becomes calm, measured. b becomes peaceful, in control. it feels so wrong to them to be like this. turmoil and havoc personified, their warlike aggression and unchecked chaos are still strong without each other. but that quiet void is still there, and both a and b have come to find equal peace in that. rather unbecoming for monstrous creatures such as themselves, yet the comfort is undeniable, and sometimes maybe even better. a will still collect what they are owed, the painful deaths paid toll to a monarch. b will still wage the wars they are owed, whispering revolutions to the unknowing. whether or not it's love is unsure, if creatures such as them can feel love.

tagging @noxxytocin, @moltenwrites, @tc-doherty, @the-ellia-west, @theverumproject,

@thecrazyalchemist, @laylathewordwitch, @dragonedged-if, @leitereads, @autism-purgatory,

@gioiaalbanoart, @drchenquill, @fenmere, @leahnardo-da-veggie, @melpomene-grey,

@yourpenpaldee, @corinneglass, @agirlandherquill, @willtheweaver, @nczaversnick,

@davycoquette, @glassfrogforest, @princeofhags, @wyked-ao3, + open tag

Unorthodox Ship Tag ⛵️

Thank you for the tag, @kaylinalexanderbooks !

Rules: post five overly specific ship dynamics for characters in your story

I like this spin, because the last time I did this was almost like a vague guessing. Now that more of you know my OCs you’ll probably be able to figure out the ships pretty quickly 😂

1. An abductor takes an abductee on a forced adventure. This happens with THREE of my ships ⛵️⛵️⛵️. One on the high seas, one in high fantasy, and one in the high vacuums of space.

2. “And they were roommates”—ships where the main cast, in some capacity, live together in a somewhat normal slice-of-life setting. This happens with 2 (eventually 3) of my ships ⛵️⛵️⛵️

3. An overprotective OC nearly martyrs themself for their love interest. This happens with ALL SIX of my known ships ⛵️⛵️⛵️⛵️⛵️⛵️

4. Someone close to either of the main OCs dies within the story itself. This happens with 4 of my ships ⛵️⛵️⛵️⛵️

5. Enemies to Lovers. Pairs where the main love interests start with actively hindering and hating each other before developing a relationship. This happens with 3 of my ships, 4 if you count Rivals-to-Lovers ⛵️⛵️⛵️⛵️

Lots of ships 🌊

I’m going to tag (gently, no pressure): @fortunatetragedy , @gioiaalbanoart , @jev-urisk , @lavender-gloom , @leatafandom , @autism-purgatory , @theink-stainedfolk , @thebearthatreads , @alinacapellabooks , @sableglass , @cowboybrunch , @wyked-ao3 , @coffeexafterxmidnight , @honeybewrites , @noblebs , @drchenquill , @smellyrottentrees , @willtheweaver , @aintgonnatakethis , @mysticstarlightduck , @paeliae-occasionally , @pixies-love-envy , @willowseed , @glasshouses-and-stones , @houseplantblank , @rotting-moon-writes , @theaistired , @talesofsorrowandofruin , @ominous-feychild , @scribble-dee-vee , @fractured-shield , @nczaversnick , @noxxytocin , +open tag! ✨

[drchenquill]

OC in 15 lines (or less)~

Thank you @the-letterbox-archives and @leahnardo-da-veggie for this tag!

I'll go with Dr. Steffens (the main antagonist of "Him and Me - Bound by Fate") because I haven't mentioned him at all.

“Thank you very much, Leon. I can call you Leon, right?”

“Leon, what a joy. I have come to welcome you into our community.”

“Please, you can do better than that”

“And one more thing…” his smile drops as he says sternly, “No matter what happens, I'll be the only one you notify, got it?”

“Apparently everything always has to go your way. Just like back then.”

“Oh please, don't be like that, Leon. I'm starting to thing that your grandmother was right."

“Let's just try again, shall we? Take these papers and just do what I told you to do.”

“You were snooping, Leon,” he interrupts me. “You've been snooping, even though I gave you the file to help you along.”

“Do your fucking job and don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong.” I nod vigorously, but he shakes my face. “Words, use words.”

~~~

I'll leave it at that~

Tagging with no pressure @finickyfelix , @oliolioxenfreewrites , @sableglass , @toragay-writing and open tag~

[leitereads]

archival file 1811904 (tag game)

Thank you so for the creative tag, @the-letterbox-archives! I guess that, this time, I won't exactly use a character from my WIPs, but rather a character I am working on, but for narrative game about vampires: Eugen Schulze.

Rules: the rule is to share 15 or less lines of dialogue from a character to showcase their personality!

*sarcastically* "I am not a vampire, I am a circus clown"

"Why on Earth do you have your dirty socks... on top of the kitchen table?!" *frenetically cleans the place*

"Wait, I have a cupon for that somewhere..." *searches on the overcoat's pockets*

"I am feeling a bit peckish, I need some blood" *orders Uber Eats*

"I can't help you right now, too busy" *keeps going on with the experiments*

"Intelligence seems to evade him every time"

"Fuck you, I am going underground"

"If someone needs me just... knock at my coffin or something, I don't know how those vampire things work"

"I am not racist: I equally hate everyone"

*with a deadpan face* Wunderbar.

"Your knowledge knows no boundaries, except maybe, the ones of creativity. Now, please, pass me the scalpel and take a deep breath"

"A fire burn? Oh no, I have psoriasis" *clearly lying*

"Ambros is dead. Get used to it"

"I am not sorry, Noah: I did what was necessary at the time"

"I just regret being so blind by hatred. Emotions are natural, yet unnecessary and confusing"

And here it is! All those lines were actually said (or paraphrased) by Eugen in my Vampire: the Requiem sessions so far. It has been very fun to play as him, because he is sarcastic and witty, yet professional and grounded.

Tagging: @paeliae-occasionally, @writelikethrollope, @yourpenpaldee, @drchenquill and anyone who wants to do it! I truly need more blogs to intereact with, especially regarding writing and/or art! As always, no pressure to do the tag, especially because I imagine you all have already been tagged.

[fantasy-things-and-such]

Incorrect quote tag

Hehehe I'm very late but thanks @the-golden-comet for the tag

Let’s just- let’s just do a bunch of these. lol.

Sunset:

Tira

Tira: I keep a picture of all of us in my wallet. Whenever I face difficulties, I take it out and stare at the picture.

The Squad: Awwww-

Tira: And I tell myself "If I can deal with these idiots, then I can deal with anything."

The Squad: Oh.

Tira and Lilli

Tira: I like your new pants!

Lilli: Thanks, they were 50% off!

Tira: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*

Lilli: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.

Tia: Thats’s… not what I meant.

Lilli: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Tira.

Erain and camellia

Camellia : I'm going to get myself some soup.

Erain: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot.

Camellia : Pfft, I won't burn myself.

*30 seconds later*

Camellia , entering the room: I burned myself.

Tira and lilli(again)

Lilli: You look really stressed.

Tira: Haha, it’s the stress.

The squad(minus Tira)

Camellia : I have a bad feeling about this...

Erain: What do you mean?

Camellia : Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?

Erain: No?

Lilli: That actually explains so much.

————————————

White Candy

Chia and Matthew

Chia, playing a video game: This game is so frustrating! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Marie: Ok, I think it’s time to turn off the game for a little while.

Chia: But I’m having fun!

Chia and Marie

Marie: Why aren’t you sleeping?

Chia: I’m too busy plotting your murder to sleep, Marie.

Marie:

Chia: ...The nightmares.

Marie: *wrapping their arms around Chia* Awwww, sweetie-

(Side note: this could actually happen??? Chia has hella PTSD.)

Chia, Marie and Matthew

Marie: Comparing Chia and Matthew is like comparing apples and oranges.

Chia: We’re both unique in our own ways?

Marie: Apples are superior in every way and all oranges should be eliminated.

Matthew: Which one of us is the orange?

Chia, Marie and Matthew(pt2)

Matthew: What's your most controversial video game hot take?

Chia: The pursuit for photorealism in games is a fruitless endeavor that only results in bloated file sizes that take too much space.

Marie: Mario is a woman and just really butch.

———————————

Frontline:

Kestrel and Feilitet

Feilitet : I called you like ten times! Why didn’t you pick up?

Kestrel: *remembers dancing to the ringtone*

Kestrel: I didn’t hear it.

Kestrel and feilitet(pt2)

Kestrel, on the phone: What’s up, Feilitet ?

Feilitet : I’m sitting in a pool of blood.

Kestrel: …Um, is it YOUR blood?

Feilitet : I think so.

Kestrel: Do you know where the blood’s coming from?

Feilitet : Probably the stab wound.

Kestrel: YOU’VE BEEN STABBED?!

Feilitet : Oh, yeah, definitely.

Feilitet

Feilitet , looking at the squad: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

Feilitet and kestrel(pt2)

Kestrel: Did you win? Or just not die?

Kestrel: Either way, hooray.

Feilitet : ...Is "no" a valid answer?

Kestrel: The hooray is redacted and you frighten me.

Feilitet and kestrel(pt3)

Kestrel: I’m so tired.

Feilitet : Did you get to bed late?

Kestrel: No.

Feilitet : Did you do something strenuous?

Kestrel: No.

Feilitet : Then why are you tired?

Kestrel: I’m alive.

Feilitet : Sounds exhausting.

Feilitet and Main

Main: Fellas, I gotta know for science. Is the opposite of red green or blue?

Feilitet : Technically a mix of green and blue?

Main: So blurple.

Feilitet : That's implying you're mixing blue and purple.

Main: Would you rather have fucking bleen? MOTHERFUCKING GRUE?

Feilitet : You were confusing before but now I'm scared.

idk this was so funny to me. tagging: @ominous-feychild @the-ellia-west @agirlandherquill @illarian-rambling @willtheweaver @the-letterbox-archives

sorry if u already did this~

[artifactseeker-myr99]

Cellar Letters half-baked Fan Theory; Spoilers up to Ep.60

Yeah, so regarding this

My theory right now is that Officer John and that nurse from the mental healthy facility are exactly those voices Nate heard on the ominous reversed audio – like, I’m just saying it doesn’t seem like a coincidental re-casting of the voice actors

The reversed whispers of “erased, don’t go, alone, can’t leave” that overlap and were pretty hard to make out are credited with the same VAs as the facility nurse and Officer John.

I haven’t bothered yet to pluck at that “much louder” bit of reversed audio that can only be heard once, but I’m confident it would straight up be the same voice Harlan Guthrie used as Officer John. And, to those unaware, it’s not for a lack of range. If anyone, Harlan Guthrie does have the range to make himself sound like… how many different characters appeared on Malevolent so far? Yeah, that many.

Anyhow, those whispers are the mental health facility nurse and Officer John, I hypothesise.

Don’t have a theory how/ why yet but I’d bet it has to do with Nate being that cult baby

Best bet so far, they are either working for the cult or against the cult.

I Interpret “working for the cult” as them trying to reel Nate back in. And “working against the cult” means, I presume, they want to help Nate get away. There also could be the option that they want to kill him but with how Officer John is behaving that’s unlikely in either case.

Even if “ritual sacrifice” isn’t entirely off the table as the cult’s ultimate goal for Nate.

Like, we can’t even be sure yet what this cult’s purpose is, what’s it do.

We know about the cult/ shadow organisation that “they” have their fingers in just about anything. That “they” concern themselves with a lot of paranormal/ supernatural happenings in Maine. I’m not sure if this is a The Magnus Archives X Files kind of situation where they collect and follow up on paranormal shit. Or maybe they partially instigate some of the things and do the follow-up as a way of cleaning up after themselves.

“They” who show up in pretty much every letter are this “seen things that should not be seen, felt things that should not be felt, you do not need to be alone anymore” cult group.

See the Unseen dot Org (no I haven’t googled the URL, I’m not going to, I’m not into ARG stuff) – the website that links the address of Nate’s house in Maine as basically the organisation’s letterbox

Plus, it’s confirmed that “they” wanted Nate to move into that house that has been this cult’s letterbox for decades.

But that’s it. I’m just saying that nurse and Officer John aren’t randomly showing up in Nate’s life when he needs allies (or people he thinks are allies).

My theory is half-baked at best. I’d rather say barely-not-completely-raw-anymore. It’s got loose ends front and back but I’m pretty convinced on the casting choices theory (even tho I know meta information for fan theories is a bit delicate).

I would love to go on theorising, this ominous dull/ murmuring static that happens sometimes is probably the house …doing something? Being… paranormal and shit? And this reoccurring knocking only the listeners can hear while Nate obviously can’t. …But to be honest I’m coming up empty so far.

Best guess is the knocking does relate to Steve and I’m not so sure anymore Steve is a real person. Yeah, rude. I know. Or maybe Steve was a real person but isn’t anymore? As I said, coming up empty on that front

[the-letterbox-archives]

file (1)ALL-55-000: clickbait title

hello, all! this time i decided to start a tag game of my own! i wanted a break from thinking too hard, so i'm borrowing this game from something i saw on instagram: explain the plot/premise of your wip/s as if it were a clickbait (or just a regular one if you don't want to do clickbait) youtube video.

tales from a dying heart

getting my revenge on humanity <33 girly eldritch activities <3 ep 1: this sad lady

the rockdove promise

somebody tried to ASSASSINATE ME?? ANGERING THE GOD OF DEATH?? (the real one) - daily vlog

insincere.

YOU'LL NEVER GO BACK TO SLEEP AFTER THESE 7 LIFEHACKS (authentic advice) (dr sinon (real doctor))

on kingston alley

uncovering the TRUTH OF THIS TOWN!!! MISSING PERSONS / SUS CHARACTERS / KILLING OLD MEN??

school rules

vlogging my day at creepy 1920's girl's school (gone wrong) (gone violent)

dulcinea is dead

KILLING AN UNKNOWABLE SPACE GOD AND UPSETTING MY MOTHER (not clickbait)

the dumaresq poems

lo-fi beats to study and write poetry to (these kids are unproblematic, what can i say)

tagging @introchasingstars, @honeybewrites, @paeliae-occasionally, @ominous-feychild, @the-golden-comet,

@noxxytocin, @moltenwrites, @tc-doherty, @the-ellia-west, @theverumproject,

@thecrazyalchemist, @laylathewordwitch, @dragonedged-if, @leitereads, @autism-purgatory,

@gioiaalbanoart, @drchenquill, @fenmere, @leahnardo-da-veggie, @melpomene-grey,

@yourpenpaldee, @corinneglass, @agirlandherquill, @willtheweaver, @nczaversnick,

@thecomfywriter, @glassfrogforest, @princeofhags, @wyked-ao3, @fantasy-things-and-such, + open tag!

[honeybewrites]

Writerly Questionnaire

Thank you @paeliae-occasionally for the tag, @harmonic-melodii for the tag, @the-golden-comet for the tag, @sableglass for the tag, @the-letterbox-archives for the tag,

@ominous-feychild for the tag and @willtheweaver for the tag!! Also thanks to @davycoquette for creating the game!!

About You

When did you start writing?

Hmm, that shouldn't be a hard question and yet here we are. Honestly, I don't know. I have a really shitty memory, especially when it comes to my childhood. I think I might have been around ten when I first started?

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

No, I definitely like writing the same stuff I read. Fantasy and sci-fi is my jam! Throw in some massive world building, some angst and whump and you've got me hooked.

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

I definitely haven't been compared to anyone. I would like to emulate Brandon Sanderson in the sense of his massive world building and phenomenal magic systems.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

I don't really have a set space. I often write on the living room couch because it's the most comfortable. I do have a desk that I will occasionally write at, but it's pretty uncomfortable after a short while, and I mostly use it for other work instead.

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

The car or the bathroom. I know it's sounds super strange, but driving without any music, or better yet riding with it, often gets my brain thinking. And wether I'm showering or just washing my face, a lot of my best ideas come to me in the bathroom.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

I really don't know, but I doubt it. Like I said, my memory is shitty. We had moved about five or six times by the time I graduated high school. It was all in the same city at least, but different parts of it. As for people, I was a hermit. I didn't have any friends or hardly ever talk to people my age.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Does whump count? On a more serious note, I haven't done what I call a deep edit in years. I think, just off the top of my head, trauma and abuse are pretty reoccurring, along with internal emotional issues like trust.

Your Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

That's a tough one! I love my babies! I think my current favorite would be 703. She's been around the longest and honestly, she'd helped me through some bad times and I'm not sure I would be here without her.

Which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?

As much as I love her, 703 and I would not get along. She's a little too trigger happy and I'm a little too non confrontational. I think Rage and I would hit it off pretty well though. Maybe Fres too if I could break through their barriers.

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

I have said this before and I'll say it again, Master Gerd. That man is a straight up bastard and I would gladly choke the life out of him if ever given the chance. He just makes me so angry.

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

It's pretty different for each one. Sometimes they start with a name, other times they don't. It is pretty consistent that I just start writing them into the story before coming up with all the details. If the character sticks around and starts to have a more predominant role, that's generally when I'll go into detail about their backstory and they get their own file in my doc. But this isn't always the case. Sometimes, I just already know all this information from the start and I can write it all down. 703 was like that. Sometimes things come up along the way slowly. But for the most part, I just start writing and everything else works out fine.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

Trauma!! Gotta have the dark backstory haha! Most of my OCs have very unhappy and traumatic childhoods/young adult lives 😈. Protectiveness also comes up quite a lot along with being physically strong. I mean, most of my OCs are in a "cult" of some kind that generally goes around fighting things... okay maybe cult is a theme too now that I'm thinking about it. I've got the Mors (bad cult) Oraniz (morally gray cult) Ryuk's pack (wholesome cult) and mafia like organizations in Rune Storm (also bad/morally gray cults)... yeah I think that might be a theme.

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.)

Animation style. I've always wanted, especially when I was younger and life hadn't taught me anything yet, to have my work turned into an animated series. Even now, that little dream, that I realize is very unlikely, stays the same. I think you can do a lot more with animation than you can live action, and it's always how I've imagined my OCs. Albeit it is a little more "realistic" animation, like Dreamworks, Disney, those kinds of things.

Your Writing

What’s your reason for writing?

If I don't write down my OCs and world, I'm pretty sure I'll go mad. I love sharing my writing, but I write for myself first and foremost. And writing has gotten me through a lot of really hard times in my life. It's something I can always turn to and it helps me express and process things. I can't imagine my life without it. It's just a part of me.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

Honestly, just saying you enjoyed it is more than enough. I never thought I'd have anyone that would be interested in my writing enough to leave comments on it. Every time I get one on anything I post, it always makes me smile.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets��� the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

I think I’d like to be seen as just a really good world builder and nice writer in general. I don’t really have any expectations 😂

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Um world building maybe? I’m not really sure I’ve got any greatest strengths deal when it comes to writing. I don’t think I’m horrible, but I’m certainly not great or anything.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

Uh, no. This is the only place I’ve ever talked about my writing. Don’t exactly have any irl to discuss it with or anything I trust to read it. That would get me in a less than ideal situation pretty fast.

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

I think it could use a lot of work if I ever want to publish it. I definitely enjoy doing it, but I don’t think it’s all that great.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Yes. Honestly, I never thought anyone would be interested in my writing anyway. Plus, if I’m the last human, I need some form of entertainment haha

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

I’d like to say it’s pretty much for my enjoyment, but I’m sure there’s some influence of what other people might like too. I’m a chronic people pleaser unfortunately

Tagging @yourpenpaldee @fractured-shield @anaisbebe @aalinaaaaaa @nczaversnick

@kaylinalexanderbooks @wyked-ao3 @diabolical-blue and anyone else who wants to hop on!! Seriously, everyone should do this tag game, it's super fun and insightful!

[the-letterbox-archives]

couple days later than i was planning, but thank you @gioiaalbanoart for tagging me in!

file (1)5-41-0140: character song

as much as i love music, i stopped making character/wip playlists because i started making them in an era when my wips wouldn't last longer than 3 days (at this time, none of my current wips existed). thankfully, i can still answer this question!

school rules is a dark academia piece, and the thing that inspired me most was the musical adamandi, since that was basically my introduction to dark academia. if i had to assign sunny a song from that soundtrack, it would be the one who pulls the strings. it feels right for sunny, in keeping with her desperate need for attention and role in the story.

"i learned to flatter peers with fiction / show my canines when i smile / with a lipstick benediction / make them think i'm worth their while"

leaving this an open tag :)

✨🏴‍☠️Playlist character personality tag🏴‍☠️✨

Thank you for the wonderful and creative game here, @mauannacreates ! I have a song all ready for this character:

No, it isn’t Peter. (Gasp) I know, I know. Shocking, right? However, the character IS from Peter Hart:

Baron Alastair of Port Mayor.

For those of you who haven’t met him yet, you’re in for a treat 😎✨

He is the head of the British Naval Fleet in his province, hired by Duke Matthias to hunt down the Golden Phoenix Gang and bring his son Prince Benjamin back alive. His methods of doing this are….unethical in the VERY generous sense, and conniving at the worst. He is a pirate killer, but one who is willing to make deals with pirates and rival ports to satisfy his own political agenda. After all, how does one challenge a chaotic, crazy captain like Peter Hart? With an equally chaotic (and possibly crazier) Baron.

From the musical Hamilton, “You’ll Be Back:”

The “love” that is being referred to in this sense isn’t a romantic love, no….it’s a love of absolute power this crazy bastard has over many. As Peter describes him with disdain on his tongue:

“He’s got his hands in many pockets.”

✨👇 Check out Peter Hart down below 👇✨

Tagging (no pressure): @lavender-gloom , @willowseed , @cowboybrunch , @rotting-moon-writes , @diabolical-blue , @justabigoldnerd , @pippinoftheshire , @astramachina , @musicismymoirail , @yourpenpaldee , @pixies-love-envy , @aintgonnatakethis , @sableglass , +open tag! ✨

✨👇Tag list for writing snippets below. DM me if you want to be added👇✨

Tag List for writing tidbits (lmk if you want + or -)

@autism-purgatory , @jev-urisk , @talesofsorrowandofruin , @sunglasses-in-the-bentley , @glasshouses-and-stones , @alinacapellabooks , @gioiaalbanoart , @fortunatetragedy , @deanwax , @dyrewrites , @honeybewrites , @drchenquill , @paeliae-occasionally , @lychhiker-writes , @thatuselesshuman , @zackprincebooks , @fantasy-things-and-such , @finickyfelix , @billybatsonmylove , @madi-konrad , @houseplantblank , @far-cry-from-finality , @froggy-pposto , @fractured-shield , @avaseofpeonies , @topazadine , @thecoolerlucky , @theaistired , @willtheweaver , @rivenantiqnerd @somethingclevermahogony , @noxxytocin , @leahnardo-da-veggie , @addicted2coke-theothercoke , @mysticstarlightduck , @the-letterbox-archives

[bitchassmcgrass]

This is gonna be the last vhs post I make for a while, mostly because I get to be with my husband again soon and I can rant about this to him instead of screaming into the void (and also because school gives me no time to work on any of my projects)

Upon coming back home for the weekend, I found the old Digital Guillotine test tape from August. I do appreciate the fact that I made a test print, since it gives me another tape I can put on in the background for about four hours, but upon watching it back, there's several things I wish to change. I mostly want to take out some longer videos, such as PBG and Sequelitis, (and Fesh Pince, that seemed like a good idea at first, but it's way too long, especially compared to all the other videos), as well as switch out some text bumpers for shorter videos.

I also originally settled for YouTube reuploads of flash cartoons like Eddsworld and Homestar Runner, since that was how I mostly watched those videos growing up, but I think once I start this project again, I'm going to make my own recordings of the original swf files. I doubt the resolution will matter too much on vhs (especially recorded in extended play mode), but I think it would improve choppy looking animations, and I'd have lower risk of encountering animation errors (like in the YouTube version of Zombeh Nation, Tom is completely static when the Bathmobile is first revealed).

I'm also going to fuck with aspect ratios a bit. My usual method for converting 16:9 to 4:3 is a bit controversial (or maybe it isn't, I don't have any friends who are as autistic about aspect ratio and video production as I am) but rather than pan and scanning the image or letterboxing it, I like to just squish the video. It makes things on screen look a bit skinnier than originally intended, but I personally don't mind the look of it, and nothing gets cut out of frame. Of course, this shouldn't be a huge problem, as a lot of the videos I'm archiving are originally uploaded in 4:3. I'm also leaving some exceptions for a couple different series.

I originally stretched the Smosh videos to be 4:3, but even early Smosh videos uploaded in standard ratio were uploaded in 16:9 with letterboxing to make it widescreen. I might end up just letting that be 16:9 (as well as future videos) since these old videos are going out of their way to be presented in this format. I'm also going to be adding Red Vs. Blue to the list of videos to add to the tape. However, there's two versions of the blood gulch chronicles, the original and remastered. The first half of the original series recorded in Halo 1 uses splitscreen, so the crop is much more intense than a 16:9, more closely resembling a cinematic 2.39:1 (even tighter, actually). The normal option here would be to just use the remastered versions, but of course, I'm instead going to be using the original recordings with harsh letterboxing (and editing the start of the first few episodes to include title cards to match with the rest of the series).

Time to summarize my thoughts. It is ten minutes to 4 am, there's about 50 minutes left on the test tape, and my vcr can't play any commercial tapes without the sound being extremely blown out. I might be able to re-record the tape with this vcr, but sinc emy head cleaner didn't work, I'm most likely going to have to buy a new one for watching movies again.

Next time I get the chance to work on this, I'm going to have my crt monitor hooked up so I can get a better idea of text positioning and color correction for the bumps and videos themselves. Most importantly, once I record this tape, I'm going to remember to turn discord notifications off. Can't believe I forgot about that.

The first tape will predominantly feature Homestar Runner, Smosh, Eddsworld, Tally Hall's Internet Show, Angry Video Game Nerd, Filthy Frank, and Red Vs Blue. It will also include ASDFmovie, Tomska, Charlie the Unicorn, The Lazer Collection, Animator Vs Animation, Leo and Satan, Tankmen, and iconic YouTube Poops. If I get really desperate for content, and I mean, REALLY fucking desperate, I might include a Fred video, or the original Annoying Orange.

if you have any recommendations for this project, please let me know. Thank you for reading.

[bibliocratic]

tim and jon

part of a series of archive polycule oneshots (minor cws and mentions in the tags - ask if you would like anything added. these cws are explained in more detail in the ANs on A03)

“Would you hurry up?” Jon hisses at him, his eyes scattering skittishly to dart and interrogate every night-echoed noise. His expression is bow-strung and embroiled in a hundred outcomes where they get caught, and he furiously shakes his head when Tim indicates through rough and basic mime the next stage of this impeccably-organised plan. There is a flurry of disagreement about who gets to take the starring role in the next part, performed entirely through gestures and whispers before Jon, snapping a ‘fine, fine’, takes the leg-up Tim’s offering. There’s a medley of ‘shit’ and ‘woahwoahwoah’ as both of them adjust to balance and Jon clings to the wall for a moment, psyching himself up prior to shimmying his lanky body worm-like through the open letterbox-shaped window.

There is a clattering, a worrying thump. Tim winces, and cautiously calls out “Boss?” as loud as he dares.

He gets a seething cats-hiss of “Keep it down!” so he presumes Jon’s not too badly damaged.

A minute or so later, Jon is opening the lock from the inside to let Tim into the building. His jumper is rumpled, his hair and face caked with dust like a talc bottle’s gone off in his face.

“Bit grubby there,” Tim grins. Jon gives him a look that promises untold violence and an unmarked grave if he doesn’t behave himself. Tim mimes zipping his lips shut before passing Jon the spare torch.

Despite Jon’s protestations, this outing was his idea. The security tapes and records are in here somewhere, the owner was cagey enough that it’s practically a given, and if they can use them to prove a case of a possible active entity, well, a little sneaking around can’t hurt. Jon had avoided calling it exactly what it was (‘It’s just some looking around’ / ‘It’s trespassing, boss’ / ‘It’s harmless, we’ll be in and out, we’re not really stealing anything valuable’ / ‘It’s breaking and entering and trespassing on private property’) so much so that Tim had laughed, declared it a case of Schrödinger’s illegal and told Jon he’d buy them both some gloves for their night-time ‘looking around’.

Moving further into the property, the flashlights they’ve brought arc with echoes of illumination a split second slow, like the dragging light of a Bonfire sparkler, eventually casting over to a metallic-walled office tucked off to the side. This place looks like a pre-fab, out on an industrial estate somewhere, and from contents inside, has spent the last few years being a motorcycle showroom. Gleaming structures are displayed proudly and buffed to shining in lines, the large open-plan room interspersed with load-bearing pillars. Off near the end, there’s the accessories part of the space, with metal shelving and stands and racks where helmets and gloves and leathers are clustered.

The office is locked.  Jon wordlessly pushes the torch over to Tim, who holds both it and his own pointed at the lock, and pulls out a black rectangular carry case. Kneeling down, he unzips it with a quiet tug, revealing its contents as an honest-to-god lockpicking kit.

“Are you serious?” Tim expels in a high breath, his mouth curved high in delight.

“Childhood hobby,” is the only thing Jon will say, and any further questions are refuted with a ‘I am trying to concentrate’ or a stone-wall silence. Tim files all a hundred and one of his follow-up questions for a later time. He’s half tempted to snap a photo for Sasha, but then remembers with a guilty jolt that that would probably be a bad idea if anyone catches them.

The office is no better than their archives, and Jon is visibly disappointed at the lack of an easy job. Stowing away his kit back into his pockets, they settle into a routine after a few muttered back-and-forth suggestions. Tim takes the paper-drowned desk, the stuffed layers of the in-tray and the desk drawers, while Jon braves the rattling filing cabinets taller than he is.

For the most part, they work in silence, which means it’s a surprise when, after a few moments rifling, Jon says in a painfully faux-casual way:

“So. You and um. You and Martin.”

“Hmm?” Tim replies. His eyes flick over several receipts, a few carbon-copies of CBT papers and full licenses.  He tries to separate some, only to find that they’ve started to stick together, and he sighs with irritation.

Jon remains quiet. Tim turns to look at him, and he’s still got his hands in the stomach of the highest and dustiest filing cabinet, obviously no longer looking with the entirety of his attention but still trying to keep up the charade.

“Was there a point you wanted to make, or…?”

Jon pulls his hands out and swings his face around, and Tim can’t read his expression.

“At the… At the Institute party. You seemed… close.”

No closer than usual, Tim had thought. Martin’s efforts hadn’t been enough to completely vanish his anxieties over the socialisation. He’d stuck close to the other three all night, tugging at his new jacket at intervals, running his fingers over the fabric to settle himself. He’d avoided the alcohol entirely, and had picked at the snack foods. Tim had been as free with his affections with Sasha as usual, casual touches to her hip, the small of her back, calling her ‘babe’ and ‘love’. Sasha had pressed a kiss to Jon’s cheek and dragged him over by the hand to their merry band when he’d arrived later than the rest of them. Tim and Martin hadn’t touched because Martin had confessed earlier that he’d prefer if they didn’t, not in this setting, not where other people could see or comment or judge, and so Tim respected that and kept his distance. Apart from once, when they were sat off to the side on plastic-backed chairs pulled out of some store cupboard somewhere, unnoticed by anyone else. Sasha had been drawn into conversation with Rosie about something political, and Jon had been extricating himself from talking to Elias after being summoned over to meet a few of their investors, and Martin had nudged Tim’s hand with the back of his own and murmured ‘Thanks. For, um, convincing me to come’ and then he’d glanced around before leaning in and kissing him demurely before moving back, his cheeks clawed with pink.  Tim had felt a bit like a firecracker going off.

“You’re a bit late for any juicy office gossip,” Tim replies slowly, uncertain of where this conversation is going. “I mean, it’s not a new development.”

Perhaps Jon had seen him and Martin, although it wasn’t a crime, what they did, wasn’t inappropriate for work. He’d assumed Sasha would have told him, on the nights when Jon stayed at hers. Martin doesn’t tell anyone about them, but Martin doesn’t tell anyone about a lot of things, and they’ve spoken about his insecurities and fears both unfounded and painfully historical. Tim doesn’t mind Martin’s reticence, doesn’t mind the slow-building thing between them. Martin pretends not to smile at his jokes and beats him at Mario Kart every time and oversalts his chips and undercooks his eggs and finishes Tim’s onion bhajis when he’s ordered too much and scolds him for forgetting about the bins again and has started to kiss him for the first time like this isn’t something he’s going to lose. Martin hasn’t said he loves him, and that’s alright. Tim’s pretty sure he’s been gone for Martin for months now.

“Does he know?”

Jon’s follow-up is flint-strike, whiplash-corded. He’s set his jaw and his mouth in a tight line that looks like a wound in the unsettled torchlight.

“What do you mean?” Tim asks nonplussed, and if anything, Jon winches his body tighter and says, almost impatiently.

“Does Martin know about Sasha?”

“What about her?”

“About you and Sasha?”

“I mean… yes?”

“And does Sasha know about you and Martin?”

“Have you talked to her about this?”

“Well, no. I wanted to ask you first.”

Comprehension rocks him tidal with a sudden drenching wave.

“Christ, Jon!” Tim hisses out, and Jon gestures him to be quieter and it’s only with real effort that he manages: “Of course she knows. They both know about each other – I’m not a complete bastard!”

“I didn’t say that!” Jon counters defensive. A coil of embarrassment has begun to wind its way through his tone.

“Is that what you think? That I’ve, what, started seeing Martin on the side and just… what, haven’t told Sasha about it? That you’ve uncovered some sort of sordid little office scandal? The fuck, Jon!”

“Keep your voice down!”

“You’re the one who wanted to have this conversation right now,” Tim snaps back.

“I – ” Jon huffs, irritated with himself. The torchlight makes his expression stretch, take on more weight. “That wasn’t what I meant, and I didn’t intend it to come across that way.”

“What way did you intend it to come across then?”

“It – it doesn’t matter.”

“Well, it sounded a lot like you were a second away from accusing me of cheating on either one or both of them, so no, actually, I do want you to give me an explanation. Like, right now…. Is this some jealousy thing, with Sasha?”

“What? No! No, Sasha can, Sasha can date who she likes. It doesn’t bother me that you two are together as well.”

“So, what, Jon? What’s the problem?”

“I…” Jon makes an aggrieved noise. “I’m not explaining myself well.”

“You can say that again.”

Jon breathes hard. He fiddles with his fingers and Tim waits, making Jon be the one to speak first. Because for all Jon’s protesting that he didn’t mean it like that, Tim’s hurt,  slighted by the idea that Jon might think that of him, might read callousness or deception into his actions so easily.

“I don’t think that of you,” Jon says eventually. “I know – you wouldn’t hurt Sasha and you wouldn’t hurt Martin. I didn’t think you were cheating. I just… I didn’t know that you and Martin… I thought that you and Sasha, not that you were exclusive, but that … and then I saw you with Martin and I wanted to make sure, because I don’t… so, I get that Sasha, she likes you and she likes me and that’s – I get that. But I don’t understand how you – what, you were with Sasha, and then you just… what, started dating Martin? How does that work? How are you with one person, and then you meet another and then you want to be with them as well?”

Tim does not have time to teach Jon Polyamory 101, considering they’re in the middle of something that, pretty euphemisms aside, is definitely a crime. If Jon was better at communicating, this was something he might have been able to broach with Sasha, or with Tim at literally any time other than right now.

Jon’s intensity is misplaced. He’s always been good at that, reflecting the inward out to something he feels he can tackle. Tim privately thinks that Jon’s had these little boxes in his head of what he understands poly to be, and that Martin’s involvement has jostled them out of alignment. That Jon might not be as monogamous as he’s previously considered himself to be and is having to work through all the baggage which comes with personal growth.

Tim’s seen the way Jon looks at Martin when he thinks no-one is looking.

“Jon,” he says, and he does well to strip the irritation from his voice. “Me and Sasha, we talked about it, early on when we first started seeing each other. About the whole exclusive thing. And like adults, we came to the agreement that we were happy for the other person to be in a different relationship if they felt drawn to be so, as long as all parties were informed and consented to the arrangements. And then, this thing with Martin came along… and I told Sasha about it, and she suggested I try seeing if he’d be interested. And luckily, you know, he was, and the three of us have talked about the logistics of it all, and it’s working out. I’m not sure what you’re finding difficult to understand.”

“So… Sasha and Martin are together too?”

“Nah. They’re, um – how did they put it… ‘incompatible in a few key areas’. But they love each other in their own way, and they’re happy, and that’s all there is to it.”

Jon ruminates on this for a bit before he seems to mentally prepare himself for another question.

“And how did you feel, when Sasha started seeing me?”

“Er. Fine. Questioned her taste in men a bit, but…” Jon’s face is a picture at that moment. “I’m joking! I was fine about it. Is… is that was this is about?”

“It’s… not exactly…” Jon looks at the dust on his shoes, rubs at a grubby spot on his face that he’d missed with his sleeve. “When she told you that she wanted to see me, it didn’t… it didn’t make you feel, I don’t know, hurt? That you weren’t enough for her?”

Tim loves Jon dearly but god, he can be an idiot.

“It doesn’t work like - Look. You’re not – it’s not about one person being ‘enough’, yeah? It’s not a finite resource, kay, people can love their friends and pets and family and partners and it’s not… it’s not going to run out or anything daft like that. When Sasha started seeing you, and going to pub quizzes with you, or when she’d be at mine one night and then she’d leave in the morning to go on one of your museum jaunts or whatever…. You being there didn’t reduce how she felt about me, or make our relationship any less meaningful. And when you’re with Sasha, you don’t feel she cares about you less because I’m in the picture, right?”

“No.”

“Exactly. She loves you differently, not less. And the same when me and Martin got together.”

“I… I understand,” Jon says slowly.

“Then, what about this is bothering you exactly?” Tim says, and his voice has quietened now.

“Sasha wouldn’t feel… hurt. If I wanted to, um, hypothetically see someone else. She wouldn’t think that I – I wasn’t happy, or that I wanted more than what we had together, or that she wasn’t… enough for me. And if I did see someone else, they wouldn’t feel like I was, I dunno, messing them around?”

“Jon,” Tim says. “I think this is a conversation you should really be having with our girlfriend, yeah? But… personally, I wouldn’t worry. Wanting to date another person isn’t bad. You just need to be honest and communicate.”

There is a long pause.

“Thanks, Tim.” Jon looks tired, mulling over things, but his face is plastered over with something like relief compared to his earlier tension. “I do – er. I do appreciate you. Talking to me about… about all this.”

“Don’t get soft on me, boss,” Tim says, and he gives Jon a wink. A deliberate gesture that says ‘it’s alright’. “I know I’m a delight to be around.”

Jon relaxes and his expression flint-sparks into a small smirk.

“Whatever Sasha and Martin have been telling you, you’re absolutely not that charming.”

“Please. I’m a catch. Irresistible.”

“I seem to be immune.”

“You sure about that?” Tim teases and Jon rolls his eyes and gives him a put-on look-over.

“You aren’t my type.”

“It’d be different then, if I was, say, a winsome-looking redhead?” Tim says. “If I looked like I’d fallen backwards into a tragically retro clothes shop. Would that, perhaps, be a little bit more your type, boss?”

It’s too dark to see if Jon’s complexion has flared with embarrassment.

“Where are you going with this, Tim?”

“Nowhere!” Tim sing-songs and turns his attention back to the desk. One of the drawers is stuck and he yanks at it before it opens with a complaining screech. “Nowhere at all.”

Jon doesn’t respond. For a few moments, they sink back into their search.

“He’s seemed happier recently,” Jon says after five minutes or so. “You’re good for him.”

“You could be too,” Tim says.

“Well. Ahem.” Jon has definitely gone a different colour at that thought.

And then his face hardens. He clicks off the torch sharply, and he's yanking Tim forwards by the arm, tugged him next to him into the cramped space next to one of the filing cabinets. Tim would have yelped, but Jon gives a sharp 'shhh', and grabs at Tim's torch to press it off as he pulls them both down crouching. For a moment, there's nothing but breathing, Tim trying to ask Jon what's wrong with his limited movement and Jon equally communicating that he needs to shut up immediately.

Then Tim hears the noises outside.

He thought they'd have more time. The doors to the office and the main building aren't locked, and they won't be able to get out now, not without facing whatever is out there that the statement giver warned them about.

"What'll we do, boss?" he whispers to Jon, the words threaded onto one breath.

"Plan B?" Jon suggests. He passes his torch to Tim, and goes for the inside of his bag again, bringing out the items Tim had argued repeatedly for bringing and Jon had repeatedly shot down.

Tim grins despite himself.

"Plan B," he affirms, and helps Jon light the firework.

[lochrannn]

Warnings: Sexual Content (M Rating)

Characters: Lila Pitts; Diego Hargreeves; Allison Hargreeves; Klaus Hargreeves; Hargreeves Siblings (background)

Relationship: Lila Pitts/Diego Hargreeves

Roommates AU; Fake Marriage; Slow Burn; Mutual Pining; Emotional H/C

Chapter 6/?

-

Lila picks up the letter with the marriage license from the letterbox when she comes home from running some errands only a few days after they applied for it. She recognises that it’s from city hall and hesitates for a moment as it’s addressed to Diego and could honestly be anything, how would she know, but she’s desperately impatient so she decides to open the letter and just give it a cursory look and apologise for snooping through his mail later if it turns out to be something else.

As it is, in fact, the marriage license, Lila gets on the phone right away and books an appointment at the courthouse for a wedding in a week’s time, apparently managing to get a slot that just opened up again earlier in the morning, as the waiting time would otherwise have been a couple more weeks. The clerk at city hall had very kindly explained to them how to go about booking a courthouse wedding and what that would entail, otherwise Lila would have been back at square one again even with the license.

All they need to bring is their necessary documentation and a single witness. Lila really hopes Diego has someone he can ask, because she doesn’t want to get one of her coworkers to come along.

She explains this to Diego when he turns up in the evening and he doesn’t even blink at the fact that she opened the letter addressed to him and then suggests he could ask Klaus to be their witness.

“I can ask my brother to take some pictures as well, so we have them as proof for the visa proceedings.” Diego muses.

“Who, Klaus?” Lila asks a bit confused why Diego wouldn’t just refer to him by name, seeing as she’s already met him.

“No, Ben.” Diego says, a bit distracted, as he reads through the letter that she handed him.

“You have another brother?” Lila asks, surprised.

Diego gives her a blank look for a second, then says, “Uh, I have four brothers…”

“And a sister?” Lila puts together, her voice a little high in disbelief.

“Two sisters, actually… all adopted.” Diego shrugs noncommittally, “I guess we’ll have to go through all of that before the interview process.”

Lila could kick herself, because she forgot to ask him exactly what the interview could possibly entail as she’d not heard of it before Diego mentioned it back at city hall. She’s relatively certain that the image that pops into her head of her pretending to be some kind of nineteen fifties housewife in a hoop skirt and delicate curls, who has to fawn over her breadwinner husband while a government agent takes notes, is probably not exactly what they are in for.

But before she can ask about the interview this time, Diego asks tentatively, “Uhm, have you thought about what you’re gonna wear?”

Lila is sitting on the arm of the couch, Diego standing not too far away from her, very strenuously looking down at the letter in his hand. Lila crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow, but says nothing, and after a moment Diego does look at her and is immediately flustered.

“I’m not— It’s not… It’s just, if we’re taking pictures, we can’t look too shabby, but it’s also just a courthouse wedding, so we can’t look too fancy either.”

“You think I might turn up to my wedding looking shabby?” Lila asks in an even tone, but she tries very hard to give it an edge and tries even harder not to start laughing out loud at the look of panic that makes its way onto Diego’s face.

“That’s not… I didn’t mean…” he stammers, but Lila takes sympathy and interrupts him to say, not unkindly, “I have a dress I can wear.”

“Ok,” Diego says, clearly relieved that she didn’t end up getting annoyed at him again, and a tiny part of Lila is filled with a little bit of guilty regret for making him feel like he can’t say anything to her without the danger of her blowing up at him. He’s doing her a massive favour, apparently despite the fact he seems to think of her as some kind of raging bitch. It’s not like she can entirely blame him, but for some reason that thought really twists something in the pit of her stomach.

Which is odd, because she usually couldn’t give a flying toss about what people think of her.

-

In the end the day somehow arrives much sooner than she expected and Lila finds herself stepping out of her room in a short red cotton dress that hangs a little loosely off the thin straps across her shoulder but is cinched at the waist with a drawstring with a bow, and she’s put on a pair of black high heel sandals.

She hears Diego in the kitchen, so she makes her way over and when she finds him she is hit by the view of Diego in a pair of very nicely fitted grey suit trousers, a matching jacket, and what must be a black t-shirt underneath as he’s pouring himself a cup of coffee. For a second Lila can’t work out if she’s completely underdressed by comparison, or whether Diego is just wearing the heck out of his clothes, but then he notices her and gives her a once over with a strange expression.

“You look… uh… really, uhm, cute,” he says, a bit hesitantly.

“Ah shit,” Lila says, a bit frustrated, “this is way too casual… Hold on, I can take another look in my cupboard…” but Diego interrupts her. “No, Lila, honestly, you look lovely! You’re perf— It’s perfect! Not too flashy, but you look very nice, really!” Diego says in a reassuring tone and despite the fact she doesn’t quite feel like she’s actually struck the balance, she’s finding it hard not to believe him, he does sound awfully sincere.

Diego drives them to the courthouse and Lila is very intrigued by his car. It's classic Chevy and it’s a bit of a banger of a thing, but inside it smells of leather seats and very faintly of Diego’s aftershave, and Lila is weirdly comforted by that, considering her stomach is rolling with nerves. She’s not even sure why. This means nothing, they are doing this so she can get a visa and yet Lila wonders whether she’d honestly be significantly more nervous if this was her real wedding.

On their way they pick up Klaus, who is wearing a sarong and a tie dye crop top and Lila is interested to see that Diego doesn’t comment at all on the outfit, so neither does she. Then they pick up Diego’s other brother, Ben, who’s wearing a leather jacket over a hoodie, Lila can see as he approaches the car. A lot more sensibly dressed than Klaus, but still a little casual for a wedding. Then again, Lila thinks, he’s mostly only there to take the photos, so it doesn’t actually matter.

The first thing Ben does, as he climbs into the car, is make a snide comment at Klaus’s attire and Klaus shoots back with something equally insulting and after a short back and forth Diego interrupts them in annoyance, “Shut the fuck up back there, or I swear, I’m gonna pull someone off the sidewalk to be the witness, and I’m sure we can get the officiant to take a couple of pictures!”

The two brothers in the backseat take that as an invitation to have an argument amongst themselves about the ungratefulness they have to deal with and Diego rolls his eyes at them in the rearview mirror, but Lila catches the fond smile that etches it’s way across his lips and she’s quite certain that she wasn’t meant to see that. She’s glad she did.

She’s also glad that Diego has apparently told his brothers the purpose of their wedding, which means they don’t have to pretend in front of them and only need to start acting like a couple as they are called into the ceremonial office twenty minutes after their actual appointment.

The officiating judge seems harassed and in a hurry and just makes a grabbing motion as they enter. Diego catches on right away. Maybe, Lila muses, he deals with people like this all the time in his job, so he hands over all of their documents that they have compiled in one file.

The judge gives the paperwork a very thorough look, while Lila and Diego stand a little awkwardly in front of her desk.

“Okay, this all seems fine. Can I see the witness’s ID?” she says looking over the rim of her glasses at Ben.

“Oh, that’s me!” chirps Klaus and flounces over to the desk and hands the judge a passport that Lila doesn’t want to think about where he’d been keeping it on his person.

“Alright!” Says the judge and pulls a form out of a tray and starts writing their names on it in what looks, from where Lila can see it, like remarkably tidy cursive.

“Well then, are you, Diego Hargreeves, free lawfully to marry Lila Pitts?” she asks in a very official sounding voice.

Diego, much like Lila herself, must be a bit taken aback at how quickly they got to this part but rallies and says, in an unwavering voice, “I am!”

The judge turns to her and Lila swallows hard as she hears, “Are you, Lila Pitts, free lawfully to marry Diego Hargreeves?”

“I am!” Lila answers without hesitation, maybe she even sounds a bit rushed, but she hasn’t got the time to think about whether that is in any way embarrassing, because the judge just plows on, “Ok, then you sign here and here,” she points at the two gaps and Diego lets Lila go first. Then the judge says quite impatiently, “Witness?” and Klaus hurries over to put down his own name.

“Great! Then, by the power vested in me by the state, I now pronounce you husband and wife!” the judge says, reaching for a stamp and then distractedly adding, “You may kiss the bride.”

Lila watches as Diego’s eyes go wide, and she can’t blame him for that. For some incomprehensible reason she had also not thought about the fact that this might come up.

Diego looks at the judge for a second, but she’s busy sorting out their paperwork, then he looks at Lila and she gives him a half smile and a tiny shrug, because they can hardly just back out of this part now and Ben is just there with his camera at the ready, so Lila feels emboldened by the thought that this is probably really useful evidence for the immigration file, and she’s just about to reach for Diego, as his hand gently lands on the side of her face and in surprise she covers it with her own, and then his lips are softly pressing against her mouth.

She doesn’t even notice that she’s closed her eyes, but for a moment all she can focus on is the warmth of Diego’s hand on her face, the gentle breath that ghost across her cheek as he slowly breaths out of his nose, and the tension in his lips as they move gently against hers. Then he starts pulling away and a deep sense of loss settles into a spot just behind her breast bone just before Diego ever so slightly brushes his lips against hers for one more moment and then he’s gone and Lila almost over balances. She just about manages not to fall forwards and hopes nobody noticed that for a beat she turned into a swooning damsel.

Things turn into a blur then. They are dismissed hastily by the judge and then find themselves outside the courthouse. Klaus has produced a bottle of champagne and some paper cups from somewhere and Ben encourages them to pose for a few pictures in which they are toasting their newly established matrimony.

Lila downs the first cup of champagne she’s handed and immediately asks for a second and Diego gives her a slightly bewildered look, but at this point the day has been too much for her already and she no longer has the energy to feel embarrassed.

“C’mon!” Klaus then says clapping his hands together decisively, “We need to get a few more pictures of the happy couple,” and adds in a loud stage whisper, “for the whole visa things.”

Lila catches a glimpse of how Diego’s jaw tightens in response and when she looks back at Klaus there is decidedly a glint in his eye, and Lila is relatively certain that they are having some kind of unspoken communication literally over the top of her head.

Klaus glides over to stand beside Ben and in the meantime Lila suddenly feels Diego’s arm coming around the back of her and landing on her waist. But his grip is loose and he doesn’t pull her in and she’s unsure of how to go about this herself, so she fusses for a moment before putting her arm around his waist as well and then leaning into him just a bit and putting her other hand against his side.

Apparently encouraged by the fact that she’s not pulled away, Diego’s grip on her tightens and Lila makes the mistake of looking up at him, and their eyes meet and she freezes.

Diego’s eyes are impossibly soft as he’s looking back at her and for a moment Lila wonders whether that means anything. Then she slowly starts panicking as she thinks about whether she wants it to mean anything and just as Diego clears his throat and it almost seems like he wants to say something, Klaus shouts, “Lovely! And now kiss!”

Both Lila and Diego swivel round to look at Klaus but he just gives them an encouraging hand gesture, so they turn back to each other and this time a bit awkwardly press their lips against each other, noses bumping a bit uncomfortably.

It’s not a terrible kiss, Lila has had worse, but it certainly has nowhere near the effect on her that the one in the judge's office did. As she makes a little displeased noise in the back of her throat and Diego pulls away instantly with an expression that looks about as frustrated as she feels, Lila is suddently completely off kilter. In one instant she feels like she might get lost in his eyes and the next they can’t even manage an even slightly romantic kiss despite the fact they have already done so much more together.

Apparently Klaus is also not particularly impressed by their display because he says, irritation in his voice, “Are you kidding me? What was that? Come on you guys, you’re young and hot and… well… not so much unattached, but you know what I mean, you should manage a more passionate kiss than that even if it’s just for the camera! Stop kissing like you would your grandma!”

“Shut the fuck up, Klaus!” Diego growls and Lila can feel him tense next to her, but she’s too busy gaping at Klaus and asks at the same time as Diego speaks, “How the fuck do you kiss your grandma?”

“Never you mind!” Klaus grins at her with a little flick of the hand, “Anyway, we need more passion, right Benny?” he adds, elbowing his brother enthusiastically.

“I’m just the photograoher!” Ben says, raising his hands in defense, one of them still holding his camera, “But yeah that was pretty lame.”

“Fuck you both!” Diego says angrily and Lila definitely shares the sentiment but doesn’t get a chance to voice it, because all of a sudden, she’s vertical, with Diego’s arm firmly behind her back pressing her up against his chest, his other hand at the back of her knee pulling it up against his hip and he is properly kissing her this time.

Almost on autopilot, as her brain has momentarily stopped working, Lila wraps one arm around Diego’s neck, threads her other hand into his hair, and when his tongue runs along the seam of her lips, she opens her mouth and licks into his before he even gets any further. Diego makes a tiny whining noise and Lila automatically presses herself harder against him, even though she’s basically suspended in mid air with only one foot on the ground.

Then there’s a loud whoop from somewhere off to the side and as suddenly as she was tipped backwards, Diego pulls her back upright and then she’s standing unsteadily on her own, already desperately missing the sensation of pressing up against Diego’s warm, solid body and the wet heat of his mouth on hers.

-

It’s become a habit by now.

Diego will go to bed and then lie awake staring up at the ceiling for hours, trying to sort out his thoughts.

But today is particularly bad. It’s past two in the morning and he’s not slept a single minute, despite the fact he didn’t get in that late.

After the ceremony, he invited Lila, Klaus, and Ben out for lunch, mostly to thank his brothers for their help and because his stepmom had taught him how to be at least somewhat classy, so he wasn’t going to marry a girl and then not at least take her out to dinner – or lunch in this case – even if it was a sham wedding. Then he’d driven them all home and as he couldn’t afford to take a full day off, made his way back to his office in a daze.

When he got back in the evening, the apartment was already dark and he couldn’t hear any sounds coming from Lila’s room, so he assumed she’d gone to bed and almost felt guilty at how relieved he was not to bump into her.

Fuck, here he is, lying awake in bed, his wife in the other room—Jesus Christ, his wife!—and he can’t even face her.

But he just can’t work out how to be around her, now.

He has no doubt anymore about the fact that he’s in love with Lila but that realisation has almost made things worse.

For a moment, when he stupidly let himself be goaded into kissing her for the photos, he started imagining that she was kissing him back with the same fervor as he was feeling. It felt so real, he’s not even entirely sure he imagined it, but he worries that he’s just seeing what he wants to see.

He even contemplated telling her about how he feels, but that just wouldn’t be fair, even if a tiny part of him hopes that maybe there is a remote chance that she could at least feel something for him beyond friendship. But it would be so unfair on her if she didn’t reciprocate his feelings. They entered their deal under very specific terms and he can’t just go and make things awkward for her, just because he can’t handle being close to Lila without wanting to pull her in and kiss her senseless. He does wonder, though, if he maybe could talk to her about it once she has her visa, once she has options. She wouldn’t be stuck with him then and wouldn’t have to continue pretending to be in a relationship any longer.

Fuck, this is all so messed up, Diego thinks, angry with himself for not being able to keep his feelings under control better. But who is he kidding, that’s never been his strong suit.

He abandons the idea of getting any sleep, so he rolls out of bed and pulls on a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt and hopes that a run around the neighborhood might tire him out enough that he can maybe catch at least a little bit of sleep.