#and then Cas dies before he gets to tell Dean how he feels
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Just imagine for me, if you will:
Cas has made his deal with the empty— a moment of true happiness and the empty will strike. He knows this, he’s known this since the deal was made, obviously. More importantly, he knows what it is that will give him true happiness, and it’s the man standing across from him staring at him with terrified green eyes. He knows what he must do, how he must save Dean. It isn’t how he planned to confess, but—
But—
But wait, Dean is talking. Why is Dean talking?
“Cas,” Dean is choking out, his voice unstable. “Fuck, Cas, this isn’t—“
“Dean—“ Cas glances at the door. They don’t have time for this, but Cas knows that this very possibly is the last thing he’ll ever hear Dean say. And Dean looks urgent, practically begging Cas to listen with the intensity of his gaze.
So Cas relents, just for a moment. He meets Dean’s gaze and it’s enough encouragement for Dean to continue.
“This isn’t how I planned to tell you— if I planned to tell you at all. Fuck, Cas, I always swear that I’m going to tell you next time. But we’re running out of next times, man, and I just— I can’t keep it in— I need to—“ Dean’s eyes are wild as he glances between Cas and every corner of the room, completely aware of the intensity of the situation and the weight of the words he’s trying to say.
“Dean,” Cas says just as urgently, stepping forward to draw Dean’s gaze to him. “Tell me what?”
Dean meets his eyes and for one single moment, the world slows to a stop around them. Cas can see the answer to that question in Dean’s eyes a moment before he says it out loud. He forgets, for just that second, that they’re standing on the precipice of death, that they don’t have the luxury of indulging in this. For just that second, Cas lets himself let out the breath he’s been holding for ten years.
“I love you.” Dean breathes, and he looks like he could sag in relief from finally speaking the words. “I love you so goddamn much and I have for so goddamn long and I couldn’t let either one of us die again without making sure you knew that.”
And oh, oh, Cas has never felt something like this— this blooming, all-consuming warmth. He’s never felt something so tangible unfurl in his chest, spreading out and filling up every corner of his being.
Cas has loved Dean for nearly every second they have known each other and now he knows that Dean loves him, too. That Dean wants him to know— needs him to know that he’s loved, no matter what happens.
Cas opens his mouth to respond—
And he sees the black bubbling along the wall behind Dean.
He should have known.
But how could he know that Dean would love him back? How could he anticipate that Dean would say the words to him that he had rarely said to anyone, in any capacity, in his entire life? Of course he knew Dean had the potential to be his ultimate happiness— or rather that his ultimate happiness was wrapped up in Dean in one way or another. Of course he knew this because everything he did, everything he wanted, everything he cared for or longed for— everything, all of it revolved around Dean.
But still, he never thought that Dean would say it first.
“Dean, I—“ Cas needs to say it back, is desperate to say it back, but the empty is headed directly to him and Dean is in its path.
Cas can’t think, can’t bear the idea of risking Dean for anything. He acts, shoving Dean out of the way as he empty sputters and gurgles, wrapping around him.
“Cas!” His name wrenches out of Dean’s throat in a way that’s painful to hear. Cas hates that it’s the last thing he’ll ever hear in Dean’s voice, hates that it has to be his final memory of the man who gave him everything.
The man who taught him to love, who gave him a place to belong. The man who helped him clean up his messes, who treated him as equal instead of other. The man who became the center of everything in Cas’s universe— every single thing that Cas cared about or was interested in stemmed from the same root named Dean Winchester and now Cas was leaving him behind.
I love you, too! He tries to shout as the empty drags him away. His last conscious thought is a desperate, unbridled hope that against all odds, Dean was able to hear him.
#I’m just saying#cas confessing his love and being taken before Dean can respond hurts#but what hurts worse is the idea that Dean finally gets up the guts to confess#and it’s confession that makes cas so happy that it triggers his deal with the empty#and then Cas dies before he gets to tell Dean how he feels#imagine how completely that would fuck Dean up#his love killed cas#even if he doesn’t know the details of the deal#all he knows is that he finally finally finally said I love you and it cost him CAs#and he has to go on for the rest of time wondering what Cas would’ve said#I’m so sorry for this#I hurt myself writing it#destiel#deancas#angst#spn#supernatural
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Don't hide this in the tags, omg!!
#I'm going to be annoying and say it depends on the theme of the episode. it depends what 'looking back' means within the context of#the spn mythos#which they would establish by talking to the still alive orpheus. who would be a white guy in a suit.#GOD an orpheus ep would be SO good#even with the covid and budget restraints like picture this:#we open and keep cutting back to Dean in the empty walking in the dark monologuing to Castiel#and we don't see Cas bc Dean is facing away from him and Dean doesn't even know if he's there bc he doesn't speak#explaining to him what's happening and what happened and - most importantly - how Dean feels#and we cut between Dean slowly breaking down into deeper and deeper topics the longer they walk#like starts off usual false-cheery trying to make the best of things Dean and then gets into#why he doesn't feel good enough for cas. why he loves him. how he breaks whenever cas dies. blah blah blah you know the good stuff.#and it's intercut with Sam (and Jack?) talking to Orpheus and maybe Charon or Persephone to establish context for what happens to Dean#and they have a fun and tense little side quest to convince them to let Dean and Cas out#and near the end of the episode. we're with Dean and he's like. 'i wish you'd just say something Cas.'#and then just before the commercial break he starts to hear. 'Dean.'#and Dean is like. I can't turn around. and Cas starts making pained noises and begging Dean to stop and it's all dialogue from other eps.#and dean is like. TREMBLING with the effort of not turning#intercut with dialogue from Orpheus telling Sam that the Empty tried to fool him with Erudice's voice. or at least. he hopes it was a trick#Dean is finally almost at the exit and he's like 'see cas just a bit further!!!!'#and Cas. has gone completely silent. Dean can't even hear footsteps behind him anymore.#and Dean is like. talking now pretty much just to himself.#'I need to have faith that you'll be there for me. because I may not believe in much but I believe in us. I believe in you.#'and you make me believe in me.'#(a little cheesy but fully sincere as most spn dramatic speeches are)#so he gets through. covers his eyes. waits for 10 seconds for cas to definitely have time to come through (a lesson from orpheus perhaps)#and the last thing we see is Dean pulling his hand away from his eyes and a beautiful look of relief. a single joyful man tear.#roll credits#<- PREV#OMG#Can you just apply to be the writer for this episode??? PLEASE???
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desitel feelings / love timeline (2 me)
DEAN:
immediate attraction in s4 (hello he has eyes!)
s4 - 5, going from allies to friends, crushing hard and shooting his shot / flirting, but all of it goes over cas's head
s6 betrayal / cas's s7 death: when he starts realizing that the way he feels abt cas is Different and More than just a crush / friendship. bobby and sam not reacting the same way to cas's betrayal and death really starts to get the gears turning. then when bobby dies, dean also realizes his grief over cas is different from his grief over bobby. (also the keeping his coat, carrying it with them in every new car all throughout s7. like that man was in Love-love.)
s8: purgatory solidifies dean's feelings. all dean can think about for a year is finding cas, saving cas. he prays to him every night. his mind is just a skipping record of cas, cas, cas. i think by this point he's accepted his romantic feelings for cas. and by the end of s8 he was ready to tell cas how he felt in the crypt. he changes "love" to "need" (which imo is MORE insane and vulnerable actually) and then dean perceives cas's actions after the crypt as a rejection of dean's feelings). meanwhile, cas has not yet even realized his own feelings for dean are romantic love yet, more on that in a minute.
s9 - s12 imo are dean grappling with the fact that his love is unrequited and trying to live with that and maybe move on (drowley summer of love).
s13 -s14 : first the widowers arc of it all. dean realizing no matter what, cas was IT for him. there's never going to be anyone else for him. he doesn't want anyone else. dean accepting that cas is effectively his life partner and he's fine with them staying platonic (bc he still thinks cas doesn't feel the same way). dean stops hooking up. dean is content with the family unit they have made for themselves.
s15: dean grappling with the knowledge of chuck's manipulation over the years. dean questioning what's even real ("is his love for cas even real?") cas asserting that they are real. divorce arc. destiel miscommunication at its finest. dean once again thinking cas doesn't care for him the way he cares for cas. dean nearly losing cas again in purgatory and deciding to put his heart on the line (was going to confess before cas cut him off). then---cas's "i love you." dean overwhelmed in the moment. dean still not sure what cas's words mean until cas is taken by the empty and he processes the speech and declaration. and then he realizes--cas was in love with him. it was mutual. they could've had it. they could've been together for years. the one thing they both wanted---
CAS
immediate attraction in s4 (hello he has eyes! many eyes in fact!)
s4 - 5: going from allies to friends. cas remembering what it's like to FEEL again ("for the first time") after his millionth lobotomy. dean re-awakening those feelings, both for humanity at large and for dean specifically. but cas doesn't have a name for these feelings yet. he attributes them to his bond with dean / assumes most people feel like this about dean.
s6 - 8: cas largely still attributing his feeling for dean to their unique bond. cas putting the mission first. cas also dealing with his own guilt over his failures. not a lot of time for him to process his feelings for dean.
s9: cas has his italicized "oh" moment. i think it's a combination of being human and for the first time all the angel stuff isn't there, he can't attribute his feelings to their "bond." he's rooted in his body for the first time, really in-tune with his physical reactions too. i think early s9 is when he starts to realize his feelings for dean are different but he's still not quite putting a name to them. then metatron calls him out on those feelings (his snarky knowing "he's in love...with humanity") and then dean dying really solidify cas's feelings. he is now aware.
aaaaaand then s10 - 12 is him grappling with those feelings at the same time that dean is really starting to accept that cas doesn't feel the same and is trying to accept that they'll be nothing but platonic and move on. so that's why you get stuff like dean calling cas their "brother" (he's trying to be ok with this) while cas looks sick to his stomach bc he is just now really accepting and processing the fact that he's in romantic love with dean. gotta love that classic destiel miscommunication, never being on the same page at the same time.
by s13 he's accepted he's in love and is now thinking it's one sided and this is all they'll ever be. he's also still kinda avoiding it all throughout the later seasons, putting the Mission first again, leaving more often, focusing on jack stuff. really just putting his feelings on the back burner.
then s15. just like i said in the dean bullet point, the divorce arc stuff is more classic miscommunication. cas so badly wants dean to ask him to stay. dean so badly wants cas to stop leaving. they both need to just have one good conversation about all of this. anyways, the "i love you." truly i think mr. avoidant cas would have continued to keep his feelings for dean to himself perhaps forever, had it not been a life or death situation where he realized telling dean his feelings would trigger the empty deal. but he does tell him. and my personal headcanon is that when he does tell him he gets hit with a wave of feeling from dean (along with the love in his eyes) that basically confirms to cas that dean actually has felt the same way all this time. and also, i think cas has partially known for a while but let his own self doubt and insecurities convince him that dean couldn't possibly feel the same.
Additionally: i do enjoy another late seasons variation, where BOTH of them have a mutual awareness of each other's feelings, but they both let insecurities and circumstances convince them it's not the right time, or they don't deserve to have this. they keep putting off talking abt this thing between them because there's always another apocalypse or big bad. because saving the world always comes before their own personal desires and happiness. so they keep putting it off until it's too late, until there's no time left. by s15 they're both feeling desperate. it's the end. they both feel they need to say something. dean tries in The Trap. cas finally does in Despair. and then there's just no time left. it's over. they never got to have it. (YET. because their story ain't over!)
anyways, i'm multitudes girlie and can enjoy many different interpretations, esp in fics, but this is my main destiel + feelings interpretation for when i'm watching the show and engaging with canon.
TLDR: they both start Feeling things for each other immediately. dean realizes these feelings are romantic love and puts that name to them first around late s6/s7. dean Accepts these feeling around s8. while cas has his realization that these intense feelings are romantic love around s9. and accepts them at some point between s10 - 12ish.
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Nov 6 - Cas is
Nov 11 - He’s
Nov 18 - Sam says Mia says journaling helps. Sure.
Nov 19 - Should’ve been me.
Nov 20 - Sam, if you’re reading this thing, I’ll kick your ass.
Nov 21 - Spaghetti for dinner. Cas still dead. Journaling still stupid.
Nov 24 - I should’ve said
Nov 25 - Should’ve told him.
Nov 26, Thanksgiving - Not a whole lot of thanks around here. Thanks for dying in front of me, man. Thanks for saying all that. Thanks for disappearing again before I
Nov 30 - C not back.
Dec 5 - 1 month. C gone. J quiet. S annoying.
Dec 6 - Least Sam’s alive.
Dec 8 - [drawing of Castiel, half sketched]
Dec 10 - Not much of a friggin’ artist huh.
Dec 26 - No miracle.
Dec 31 - Gonna be another year without
2021
Jan 1, New Year’s - Midnight alone. You should be here. You should
Jan 2 - I should’ve
Jan 5 - 2 months
Feb 5 - 3 months since I should’ve fucking kissed you.
Feb 28 - If this was a leap year man I bet you’d be back tomorrow you always did shit like that surprised the hell out of me.
Mar 1 - So it goes.
Mar 2 - S thought the library here had Vonnegut. Didn’t.
Mar 5 - 4 months Went to get a library card in town.
Mar 11 - “And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.”
Mar 30 - Sam might have a hunt for us. Don’t know if
Mar 31 - Turned it down. Passed it to Jody’s crew.
Apr 1, April Fool’s - Real funny C. Joke's over. Come back already.
Apr 9 - There’s things I can’t say things I’ve never been good at saying but you gotta know
Apr 29 - He didn’t know he didn’t know he didn’t know he didn’t
May 5 - You died not knowing, you asshole. 6 months and you’re not back so I can’t tell you.
May 6 - You missed Star Wars day, you know.
May 7 - Didn’t even Han you. Well I didn't know did I.
May 8 - Did I?
May 9 - Maybe I
May 26 - “How nice — to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.”
June 5 - 7
July 5 - 8
Aug 5 - 9
Aug 6 - What if you don’t
Aug 10 - You missed my birthday. S’s too. J’s.
Aug 11 - If you can hear me
Aug 12 - What would he even
Sept 5 - Nearly crashed the car today. S had to drive. Banged up my head leaning on the window in the backseat like a kid. 10
Sept 6 - Researching.
Sept 7 - Ain’t fair you missed a whole year. Gonna have a lot of catch up to play when
Sept 8 - …when we get you back.
Sept 18 - Been 12 years. You believe that, Cas? Since I came back. Since you brought me back. Guess I hoped today would be the magic bullet to getting you back. Like you’d tip your head at me and say Hello Dean. And I’d tell you how I raised you from perdition. Whatever. Just a day I guess. Universe doesn’t care it’s our anniversary
Sept 19 - Still gonna say it though. When it works.
Oct 5 - 11. It’s gonna work
Oct 31, Halloween - Never got to put you in a dumb matching costume. Next year though.
Nov 4 - Can’t sleep. Sam says time is powerful magic or some shit like that. Says an anniversary can have echoes. So we’re trying it tomorrow. God, this better work. Cas, you hear me? We’re coming for you. I’ve been praying all year and I’m hearing nothing back. I’ll tell you tomorrow. Gonna get this stuck mouth of mine to make good. It’s just the words, even on paper, they don’t—Tomorrow though, tomorrow I’m telling you everything. Promise.
Nov 5 - Today.
Nov 6 - !!! 🙂🙂🙂🙂
^ heh. check out this dork
#spn#supernatural#destiel#remember remember the fifth of november#my writing#tumblr fic#em og post#wrote this at work lol
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Come home to me - c.n
Paring; castiel x reader
Synopsis: Getting hurt on a hunt was expected, but this was different. This left your life on the line
Warnings; mention of death and injury
Requested;anon
Notes;so sorry this took so long! also not wrote for castiel in a minute so I apologise if its kinda occ :) reqs and inbox are open
Masterlist
Pain was something you were used to. It wasn’t often you found yourself walking away from a hunt unscathed but this…this was something you’d never felt before.
White hot pain pulsed through your side as you tried to remember how to breathe again. You couldn’t even remember what had happened. One minute you were standing and the next you were looking at the barn's roof.
You weren’t even sure if you’d finished the hunt. The only thing you knew was that you were in pain. A hand on your chest pulled you back to reality. The car jostled slightly causing you to wince as pain shot up your side.
“Is it bad?” Your voice was strained as you looked up at met a pair of blue eyes full of concern. Castiel was quiet his eyes trained on your face. “You're going to be okay.” He nodded before moving his hand over your side.
His voice was passive but you could tell by his eyes that he was scared and you couldn’t tell if he was reassuring himself or you. Taking a sharp breath you reached a hand up towards him. One of his hands quickly wrapped around yours and squeezed it.
“M’tired Cas.” You mumbled watching as his eyes widened slightly. He shook his head before saying something you didn’t catch. Your ears seemed to fill with water as the voices in the car blended together to make one muffled mass.
The pain continued to pulse through you as quiet mumbles left your lips. Your eyes continued to droop as you watched him stare down at you.
Truthfully you had no idea if you were dying. The thought left a small pinch of fear rushing through you. What if you were dying? What if you died in this car? What if you died and never got to tell him?
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚
Castiel watched in near horror as your eyes finally closed and your body went limp on his lap. Placing a hand on your shoulder he shook you gently, careful of your wound. “Hey.” He could feel Dean’s eyes on him from the mirror as he continued to shake you.
The sound of the engine revving faded into the background as he continued calling your name begging for your eyes to open again.
Until now fear had been something he’d never felt. The idea alone was so alien to him that for a moment he had no idea what that cold feeling that seemed to chill his body was.
For the first time, Castiel was genuinely scared. He knew healing you wasn’t an option until you got back to the motel. The car was too shaky and he wasn’t willing to risk causing you any more pain.
“You're gonna be okay.” He mumbled pushing your hair off your face. Staring down at you he found himself slowly mapping your features. He’d always known that there was something about you. Something which left him constantly looking for your attention. Your smile alone could brighten his day and the thought of never seeing it again left him feeling sick to his stomach.
Losing you was maybe his worst fear, and now that might actually be a reality.
**•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚
Castiel didn’t know how long it had been. Both Sam and Dean had begrudgingly retired to their own motel room leaving you both alone a few hours ago.
Even after being healed you continued to lie lifeless on the old bed while he sat quietly at your side. Letting out a breath he leaned forward on his knees looking at you for a moment. Your clothes were still bloody and torn but your side now showed no memories of the gash that had been there only hours earlier.
Running a hand through his hair he leaned back into the chair, his mind still going a mile a minute. Castiel had never had the words to tell you how he really felt. He’d become so accustomed to being your ‘best friend’ that the idea of being anything more had slowly faded away.
He knew he was in love. He’d been in love since the first day he’d met you and now he’d waited too long and may never get the chance to tell you.
A small pained groan broke through the silence and his head shot up. Another small noise left your lips as you stretched out your leg, feeling the stiffness on one side of your body slowly lessen.
“Wha..what happened?” You asked turning your head to where he was sitting. “Cas?” His hand shot out grabbing a hold of yours, his eyes wide. “How do you feel?” His voice was laced with concern.
You thought for a moment trying to piece together your foggy memories of what had happened on the hunt. The pieces slowly slotted together and you let out a worried breath immediately reaching for your side.
Feeling the now untouched skin you looked over to the angel. “Stiff but…much better.” You smiled weakly, fatigue still clouding your mind. “Thank you.”
He nodded a small smile growing on his lips. Relief rushed through him as you slowly moved to sit up against the pillows. “I’m glad.” He was quiet for a moment before clearing his throat.
“Can I…can I tell you something.” Castiel felt his gaze fall onto his hands as you tilted your head watching him. “Of course. You can tell me anything.” You answered trying to reassure him.
He nodded before falling quiet again. You watched as opened his mouth a few times before stopping himself and shaking his head. “Cas, come on you can tell me.” You laughed gently patting the bed beside you.
Taking the hint he came to sit beside you. He felt the bed dip slightly as you moved closer a smile on your lips. Part of him was so relieved still that you were alive that it took him a moment to realise that you’d placed a hand on his shoulder.
“I’m in love with you.” He said suddenly. The confession seemed to shock you both as you stiffened slightly and he sucked in a breath.
The air seemed to grow tense for a moment before he turned to face you, his breath catching in his throat as he mentally prepared himself for the possibility of you rejecting him.
Instead, you were smiling brightly, a small dusting of red on your cheeks. “You're not just saying that 'cause I almost died right?”
He shook his head reaching for your hand which wasn’t on his shoulder. “No. No of course not. I really mean it.”
He looked down to where your hands were intertwined. “Well.” You moved your hand from his shoulder to gently tip his chin up.
“I guess it’s a good thing I feel the same.”
#supernatural#spn#castiel#castiel novak#castiel x reader#castiel x you#castiel x y/n#Castiel drabble#castiel fanfiction#castiel angel of the lord#castiel angst#castiel imagine#misha collins#spn angst#spn fanfic#spn x you#spn x y/n#spn x reader#supernatural imagine#supernatural drabble#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural x you#supernatural x reader#supernatural headcanon#dean winchester#sam winchester#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester imagine#.spn#.mine
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It's 2 am and I'm just thinking about how Cas and Eileen became such complimentary partners for Dean and Sam even when the show (slash Chuck) didn't let them have a happy ending.
Like, Sam wanted independence from his family and hunting. Not because he hated hunting necessarily, but because it represented everything his dad seemed to value over him and his opinions. And throughout the show he does make his own choices, but more often than not they end up with him getting possessed or some other kind of loss of autonomy. And with everyone he dates there seems to be that fear of losing control - not that he's controlling per say, but that he can't really let his guard down. Jess, Amy, Amelia, might know About him, but he doesn't seem to show much real vulnerability or deeper trust in them.
And Eileen gets that - she was written to mirror Sam, but it's not like she's his clone. While Sam seems more run down by everything that's happened to him by the time he meets her, Eileen still has that fire that leads her to do good on her own terms. And because she understands both the hunting and independence aspects of Sam's life, her and Sam can see each other as equals, instead of falling into that civilian/hunter or protector/protectee approach that relationships in the show usually lean towards. It's a real breath of fresh air for me, and feels a lot like how I'd imagine an ideal relationship for Sam - someone that isn't afraid to challenge him, but also encourages him to speak up for himself and value his own feelings.
Then with Dean, there's a lot of similarities to Sam (obviously, with their shared upbringing lol) but he can also be his counterpart. Sam wants trust placed in him and independence, Dean wants commitment and for someone to not leave him. But like Sam's relationships, Dean definitely falls right into the Protector role and what he thinks he should be doing, not what he actually needs or wants (like with Cassie and Lisa). And for him, I feel like it's less about not trusting them (Dean actually confides in people fairly often!) but more about his understandings about relationships and his own self. Dean has been treated (intentionally and unintentionally) as a blunt instrument, someone unchangeable, someone to look to for comfort, etc. even before Mary died ("It's okay Mom, I'll never leave you" comes to mind).
Cas reflects this in the extreme - any of his own feelings were lobotimized out of him and it was seen as impossible for angels to feel at all without falling. For him, he could see Dean as a smaller-scale mirror to what he was feeling. And Dean could see Cas as a more abstract, less intimidating way to see his own life. Like Eileen and Sam, Dean and Cas understand each other as soon as they meet each other. Cas tells Dean he has doubts! Dean prays to Cas after a lifetime of not believing in angels! Their similarities let them connect but their differences let them grow - Dean is so stubborn and full of feeling that Cas finally has the final push to rebel. Cas is the most powerful thing Dean's ever met when he saves him from Hell, so Dean feels safe to rely on him and trust someone to answer him if he asks (or prays). And again, their similarities are at the ground of it all, so they stay as partners and equals.
For Chuck (and the writers) this kind of healthier partnership dynamic goes against the kind of romance they love, that focuses on avoidance and saviour complexes. If Dean and Sam feel secure in their senses of self outside of one another, and are encouraged to keep that up, what happens to the Cycles of Family Trauma Show?? Plus, there's the added elements of Cas being a man and Eileen being deaf (resulting in Despair and the Blurry Wife). Sam and Dean both needed Eileen and Cas at certain points in their stories, whether that was to rescue them, motivate them, give them something to lose, etc. But even though plot development was the main intention for these relationships, they signalled something outside of the routine Cain and Abel story. Instead of just representing that kind of unattainable happy future, Eileen and Cas developed genuine relationships with the brothers that encouraged them to be more genuine people, and eventually led them to defeat God.
#w eileen and cas it feels less jarring for the brothers to heal from everything bc they actually have people outside of just each other to#lean on for support#and theyre both such good matches for each other.. they understand and like each other but still challenge each other to be better too#and all that is probably a big reason that they got killed off when the show decided to end with a brothers-only ending :/#saileen#destiel#deancas#eileen leahy#sam winchester#dean winchester#castiel#spn#supernatural#spn meta#my posts
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Soulmates? Yeah, right, pft. - Ch. 20
When you turn sixteen, and your soulmate's name doesn’t appear anywhere on your body that you can find, you figure you had to be the only person on the planet who didn’t have one. Most of the town shuns you, so you stick close to family. Your Aunt Ellen raised you after your parents died in a car crash when you were two, but what happens when the Winchesters return to town and buried secrets begin to come to light?
Pairing: Mechanic Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You
Word Count: 9761
Warnings: Dean's "memories" from the night at the bar when he saw her again after leaving after graduation. Bathroom scene in this one.
A/N: Well, here it is everyone, what Dean was going through over the course of the story. I hope it was worth the wait. Things will pick back up on 10/24 with Chapter 25 and you'll still get next Friday's up on the 25th with Chapter 26. <3
A/N: This is my non-Supernatural fic I'm attempting. Please let me know what you think, as I always love hearing from my readers.
----------------------------------------- Chapter 20
During the drive, Dean stole glances at her from the corner of his eye, his jaw clenched as he tried to focus on the road. The mere thought of that creep being anywhere near her made his grip tighten on the steering wheel, knuckles whitening. He wanted to tell her everything, to let the truth spill out and finally ease the gnawing ache in his chest. But he couldn’t. The weight of his secrets pressed down on him, each unspoken word like a stone in his gut. All he could think about was holding her, wrapping her in his arms, and chasing away the hurt he knew she carried.
Benny and Cas had left ahead, wanting to double-check and make sure this wasn’t some sort of trap. The thought of Cole getting her alone, of her being taken away with no choice in the matter, gnawed at Dean’s nerves. Her suggestion to bring Benny and Cas along had been a lifeline, a small comfort in the storm raging inside him. He knew she’d done it to ease his mind, and for that, he was more than grateful than he could ever put into words.
As they pulled into the parking lot, Dean’s eyes quickly found Benny’s car—and Cole’s. No call from the guys meant nothing had gone sideways yet. Still, his pulse hammered in his ears as he parked near the door, forcing himself to take a breath and calm the storm raging in his chest.
“I’m sorry you got involved in any of this mess,” her voice was quiet, pulling his gaze to her. She looked so vulnerable, her eyes downcast, guilt etched into her features as if she believed this was somehow her fault.
Dean wanted to reassure her, but his words came out rougher than he intended. “It’s not your fault. I just don’t trust that family,” He sighed, frustration lacing his tone he added, “ Let’s just get this over with.” The thought of her sitting across from that asshole, playing nice when he wanted nothing more than to smash Cole’s face in, made his blood boil.
Can and Benny were near Benny’s car, waiting. Dean did open her door, but could tell she was more than nervous about this meeting. He watched her walk toward the diner when Benny and Cas came over to him.
“We’ve got your back on this. He won’t get away with anything,” Cas said, his eyes tracking her as she headed inside.
“Thanks, guys,” Dean muttered before quickly heading into the diner, the other two following close behind.
The three of them found a table nearby, close enough to step in if things went south, but too far away to hear the conversation. Dean’s jaw clenched as he watched her, feeling the emotions she wasn’t showing. He didn’t trust Coles’ smooth act for a second, and every instinct screamed at him to drag her out of there.
Cole was too smooth, but Dean could see the little things that gave away the facade Cole was attempting to use. There was how his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. It didn’t feel right to Dean either. Even when Cole tried to seem genuinely curious, Dean saw something in his eyes that sent a shiver down his spine. It was like watching a predator stalk its prey, and he didn’t like it one bit. Now Dean wished he’d chosen a closer table, wanting to hear what was being said between the two of them.
Then he saw it—a flash of distaste in Cole’s expression, mild disgust in his eyes, then quickly masked. His gut twisted, and he whispered to Benny and Cas, “Be ready.” The others nodded, their eyes fixed on Cole.
When she smiled, Dean’s gaze snapped back to Cole, catching the slight falter in his mask. Cole was slipping, and Dean could see it. Whatever she’d said had rattled him, and Dean could almost taste the tension in the air.
The moment she stood, Dean was up, Benny and Cas right behind him. Dean saw red when Cole grabbed her wrist, so Benny quickly blocked Dean’s path.
“There’s no way out of this. You will be my wife, whether you want to or not. You will do as expected of you, as my wife-” Cole began, but Benny cut him off, his smirk sharp.
“I think the lady was leaving,” Benny interjected, positioning himself between Cole and Dean just as Dean reached her side.
Dean was almost disappointed that Cole had let go of her, knowing it would have given Benny an excuse to hit him square in his jaw. Dean chose to focus on her instead, giving Cole a death glare, but Cole just smirked.
“You can’t protect her forever. I’ll be back to collect her in two months,” Cole told them, his voice dripping with a confidence that made Dean’s blood boil.
Dean felt a surge of anger, but he kept it in check, his eyes narrowing as he placed a protective arm over her shoulders, guiding her out of the diner without a word. He didn’t need to say anything; he could feel how she took his actions. For the first time in years, he didn’t feel like the screw-up who’d let her down. Instead, he felt a surge of pride—pride in being there for her, in protecting her.
The drive back to her place was silent, Dean’s mind working overtime, planning out the details. Once they were back inside her house, she finally spoke. “Thank you, Dean, for being there.” She sounded grateful, but something about it tugged at his soul.
“I told you, you don’t have to go through this alone,” Dean replied, his tone firm but laced with an urgency he couldn’t hide. There was too much to do and not enough time to do it all. “Let’s get your things into that bunker. We’ll make it look like you ran. I’ll even hide your car,” he added, already moving through the house with a single-minded purpose.
As he moved, Dean glanced at her every now and then, catching glimpses of her looking lost, her eyes distant, like she was trying to hold herself together. God, he could feel how lost she was, and it hurt that he couldn’t just focus on comforting her. “Go get the clothes you want,” he called from the kitchen, where he was bagging up the cold and frozen items from the fridge. His voice was calm, controlled, the complete opposite of the storm brewing inside him.
She needed him to be steady right now, to keep her grounded. He knew that if he lost it, it was going to make things worse for her. Dean heard her take a deep breath, and knew she was trying to focus, trying to push through the fear and confusion. When she headed to her room, he felt a small sense of relief. At least she was moving, doing something instead of spiraling.
He moved quickly, gathering the essentials, his mind already running through possible scenarios. By the time she came back down the stairs, suitcase in hand, he had almost everything else handled. The look on her face when she saw him made his chest tighten; she looked like she didn’t know what to say, like the weight of it all was crushing her.
They made their way to the garage, Dean following her to the secret door, down the stairs, and through the next door into the bunker. He made several trips, not even minding. She couldn’t think straight, and he could see it in her eyes and the way she moved. His only focus, getting her into that bunker so he could take care of what he needed to so he could join her later.
Every time he caught sight of her, she seemed lost in her own head, moving sluggishly as if the world around her didn’t quite register. Dean tried not to let it get to him, but it did. She was here because he’d left at eighteen instead of trying to find out why he could feel her when she didn’t even seem to notice him. But, when you’re young like that, you don’t have the foresight of things like that.
After putting away the last of the food, Dean went searching for her. He found her in the bedroom, the suitcase she’d packed sitting near the bed, untouched. She looked so small, so vulnerable, and it took everything in him not to pull her into his arms right then and there.
“Hey,” Dean said softly, stepping closer. “I need to go tell the others what’s going on and hide your car. You remember the knock from the movie Roger Rabbit, right? I’ll use that one if it’s safe for you to let me come down here. You can use the security system and see what’s going on outside too. So, you’ll know if I’m alone or not. I’ll come back tonight, around seven,” he explained, trying to keep his voice steady even though the worry was creeping in. He hated leaving her like this, but he had to make sure everything was in place.
When she looked up at him, her eyes were full of doubt and sadness, and it twisted something inside him. She looked and felt so broken, so out of it, and all Dean wanted to do was fix it, to take away the pain he felt he was responsible for causing.
“Okay,” she murmured, her voice barely audible. “I’m still sorry you got dragged into my mess. But… I appreciate you’re helping me.”Dean couldn’t hold back anymore. He stepped forward, pulling her into a gentle hug, his lips pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. When she slowly wrapped her arms around him, he felt something shift, something that he hadn’t felt from her before; she didn’t want to let him go.
“I wish you didn’t have to leave right now,” she whispered, her voice so small, and it nearly broke him.
“I promise, I’ll be back tonight at seven,” Dean whispered back, his words a vow he intended to keep no matter what. He gave her a gentle squeeze before reluctantly pulling away, his heart heavy as he turned to leave. He closed the secret doors behind him, each step feeling like it took him farther away from the one thing he wanted more than anything: her.
Dean grabbed her keys and then went back to the garage. With one last look at the secret door, he started her car. A proud smirk toyed at his lips when he heard the engine purr. She really did love her car as much as he loved his. For a moment, the sound of the engine was a comfort, a connection to her even in her absence. But as he drove, his thoughts drifted back to the haunted look in her eyes when he left.
No, I can’t focus on that right now, Deam scolded himself, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. He pulled into the shed the boys had cleaned out, his movements mechanical, driven by necessity rather than thought. The plan had changed, the details shifting with the new pieces of information. There was no room for mistakes.
The boys had done a good job with the shed, concealing her car so well that even the most determined snoop wouldn’t find it without raising an alarm. It was a small victory, but it brought Dean a brief moment of relief. He took her house keys off her keychain before leaving her car keys with Bobby, knowing he’d keep them safe.
Benny drove him back to her place so he could get his car, the drive silent. Dean’s thoughts were a whirlwind, but he kept them at bay, focusing instead on the next steps. He bid Benny goodbye, not sure when he’d see him again, before getting his Impala and driving to his parents, parking in their garage. Everyone had been busy since that morning, each person playing their part in this hastily reconstructed plan. Jodi had been at the station, working on paperwork that she could, managing a restraining order for at least until Y/N’s birthday. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Sam was preparing to fly out that night and get there in the early morning hours of the following day. Dean was upset that he wouldn’t get to see his brother again before he went down into the bunker with Y/N, but at the same time, he didn’t completely mind.
John and Mary had already packed up a duffle bag for Dean, which he’d asked them to earlier, back at the garage. They had no clue how long he and Y/N were going to be down there, but they wanted to help however they could. Dean rifled through it, finding the essentials, along with a few surprises. A small chuckle escaped him when he spotted the whiskey bottle wrapped in his favorite sweats. Leave it to my Dad. But the laugh that nearly bubbled up was stifled when he found the box of condoms tucked in a side pouch, a clear sign of his mom’s cautious optimism.
“Thanks for helping,” Dean said, setting the duffle bag down by one of the reclining chairs before taking a seat as his parents sat on the couch across from him.
“Well, we knew this day was coming eventually. Here are the burner phones. Remember, only for emergencies,” John replied, his tone firm as he handed Dean the two phones along with a piece of paper with everyone’s numbers on it.
“At least she was open to the idea of becoming friends, Dean. I have faith that she’ll accept you, even if she doesn’t know that she needs to,” Mary added, her voice gentle, but Dean could hear her optimism.
Dean took the phones, slipping them into his bag, as his mind raced. “I know. I know. I just don’t know if she’s going to. She’s stubborn, and she’s been hurt, badly,” he replied, his voice calm, betraying none of the inner turmoil roiling inside him. He couldn’t afford to let his parents see how much this was affecting him. They had enough to worry about.
“That means not calling every day for an update on things. We’ll call when we have them,” John told him, keeping that firm tone. This entire situation had escalated quickly, thanks to Cole showing up like he had.
Mary chimed in, trying to steer the conversation in a more hopeful direction. “With the paperwork from Y/N’s parents, Sam shouldn’t have a problem getting a judge to take on the case,” She knew how stubborn Dean could be when it came to wanting information.
“Yeah, but there’s still the matter of a judge who’s even willing to take on the case. It’s against the Vaughts. They’re ruthless, and you know it,” Dean replied, his words laced with his frustrations. “You remember what it was like even to get a judge to take on all that crap with Lisa, especially after we found out the Voughts had paid her to do it, and were still paying her.”
The room grew tense, the weight of the unknown hanging heavy in the air. None of them had to say it, but they all felt the same. The Vaughts were monsters. “I need to make a few stops before tonight. Dad, you mind giving me a ride to the garage?” Dean asked, already planning the small gestures that might help Y/N feel a bit more comfortable, a bit more normal, while they were holed up in the bunker.
John nodded, his expression softening as he leaned over to kiss Mary’s cheek. “Sure, son, I don’t mind.”
That night, around six-thirty, Dean double-checked his duffle. He’d borrowed Benny’s car and made a few stops, picking up some of her favorite chocolates, a few grocery items, and a necklace with a wrench on it for her birthday—a small token that reflected her love for fixing things. He debated getting her a new pajama set to give to her on Christmas but decided against it. Since the bunker was already fully stocked with food, he wasn’t worried about grabbing more than a few perishable things. Although, if he’d thought a bit more about it, he would have gotten enough meat to fill her freezer.
Benny drove Dean out to Y/N’s place. Both men were watching the headlights of the car in the distance. “I thought I noticed someone following me earlier. Pretty sure it’s the same car,” Dean told Benny after Benny made another turn, and the car was still behind them. “Yeah, been watchin’ it since we left the garage,” Benny replied as he glanced in the rearview mirror again.
Dean clenched his jaw. It had to be someone who worked for the Vaughts, trying to find out where Y/N was. “Be careful going back to the garage,” Dean told him as his hands clenched and unclenched in his lap.
When Benny turned down the short dirt road that led to Y/N’s place, the car that had been following them kept driving, but it had slowed down enough for both men to notice. Dean turned to look out the back window and followed the tail lights as the car drove off.
“Hang in there, brotha’. We’ll take care of things out here. You take care of her,” Benny told Dean as he got out of one of Bobby’s borrowed cars.
Dean nodded, a sigh escaping his lips as he slung the duffle over his shoulder. “I will. It’ll just be me and her. I’m just worried about everybody out here.” Then he grabbed the few bags of food out of the back seat.
Benny chuckled, “Ah, we’ll be fine. I ain’t been in a good fight in a while. Let those dirtbags try somethin’ stupid.” That made Dean smile a little. The man knew how to lighten the mood.
As Dean headed inside, he checked behind him, as if peering into the darkness for some sort of threat, but it didn’t come. He locked her front door before making his way to the garage, making sure all the doors were locked behind him as he went. Dean looked over his shoulder one last time, still worried that one of the Vaught's men would appear out of the shadows. When none came, he used the secret knock on the hidden door, worry still coursing through his system.
The moment the door popped open, her smiling face would have been a joy, as would her words, but he quickly put his finger to his lips to keep her quiet. Dean still wasn’t sure if someone might be nearby, listening. He couldn’t even risk doing a perimeter check before he’d gone inside. If someone had been watching, it would have given too much away.
They descended the stairs in silence, the only sound the soft creak of wood beneath their feet, then the click of the second door once they were completely inside the bunker. Dean had barely tossed his bag on the floor near the couch with the bags before she tackled him in a hug. “It’s so quiet here,” she told him, her voice nearly breaking.
Dean’s heart twisted at her words, feeling her loneliness before he smiled softly and wrapped his arms around her. Having her so close brought him peace, and he never wanted to let her go. “Hope it’s okay if I spend the night. Might not be so quiet then.”
When she pulled back and looked at him, Dean had to fight the overwhelming urge to close the small distance between them and kiss her. The way the soft light played across her face nearly took his breath away and he realized just how hard it was going to be to keep the distance from her that she wanted and had put in place. Just friends, Dean mentally reminded himself, as now was not the time to tell her the truth of things.
“You’d really stay down here with me in the silent underground solitude?” she asked him, completely puzzled.
He couldn’t control his laughter at that point. She was so damn adorable when she got curious and confused at the same time, but the way she’d described the bunker… priceless. It took him a moment to catch his breath, his hand on his chest. “Sweetheart, you’ve got your own secret hideout. Why wouldn’t I want to hang out here with you? It’s like having your very own personal Bat-Cave, like Batman.”
When she finally started laughing, after his words finally sunk in, it was music to his ears. He could feel her relaxing and seeing her smile like she was, lit up the room far more than the lamps she had turned on. “Now, did you eat?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow, knowing how stressed she’d been.
“Yeah, around five. Oh, and tonight, you’re sleeping on the bed. I saw you stayed up last night and watched over me. There’s no need to do that down here. So, I’m going to make sure you’re comfortable and actually sleep tonight,” she told him, crossing her arms and leaving no room for argument.
Dean bit back a laugh, trying to keep his expression serious. Seeing her stand there and tell him how it was going to go because she wanted him to rest. She was one of the kindest people he knew at this point, as not many would give up their own bed just so he could have a good night's rest. “Sweetheart, you sleep in your bed. I’ll take the couch. No need to go to any extremes.” He didn’t have the heart to tell her that he knew just how devious the Vaughts could be.
Watching her roll her eyes was just as adorable as her confusion, but he could tell something was bothering her. “Only if you answer a couple of questions,” she insisted, her eyebrow raised in a slight challenge.
His heart skipped a beat as his mind raced, trying to anticipate what she might ask. “What questions?” he asked, keeping his tone light, but he could feel a knot forming in his stomach.
“Why did you rub your shoulder last night? We had an easy day at the garage,” she asked cautiously.
He felt his breath catch in his throat. She’d somehow seen him. Of course, she had. The damned cameras set up all around and in her house. If he’d known at the time, he never would have done it. Perhaps it was a good thing, though. He refused to lie to her, but he also couldn’t tell her everything.
“It’s my soulmate’s name. That’s all,” he replied quietly, dropping onto the couch. The weight of how it had been used against him by the Vaughts, by that woman they had paid to pretend to be the woman now standing near the couch.
He couldn’t bring himself to look at her, not wanting to see her second-guessing herself for even asking him about it. Feeling it was bad enough. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it was that personal. You can have the couch,” she said apologetically, but it was the regret in her tone that made him finally look up at her.
“It’s just a sore subject, for both of us,” he replied, motioning to the two of them. “If you want to talk about it, we can, but that means we both share stuff. Keep it fair. If you don’t want to, we can talk about other stuff.” It was the best he could offer her while still reminding himself what Sam had told him. God, he wasn’t the most patient man.
“Maybe another time. There’s something I need to show you,” she told him, changing the topic, and the note of worry in her tone made his chest tighten again.
Dean stood and followed her into the security room, standing behind her while she sat down and pulled up a couple recordings. His eyes narrowed, watching the feed over her shoulder. The moment the figure on the screen appeared, his entire body went rigid. His jaw clenched so hard it hurt, and he crossed his arms tightly over his chest, trying to keep his emotions in check.
“Azazel,” Dean growled, the name slipping through gritted teeth. He’d know that man anywhere.
He barely registered that she turned to look up at him before she turned back to the monitor. But she had no idea what this man was capable of, how far his reach went. Dean had to keep it together, for her sake, but the storm inside him was raging. He knew the type of men the Vaughts had working for them and just how far they would go to get what they wanted.
That night, Dean pulled the two burner phones out of his bag, handing one to her along with the piece of paper. He could see the questions in her eyes and feel her confusion. But she didn’t ask, and he didn’t offer an explanation. She just nodded, taking it all in, and he felt a pang of guilt. This wasn’t how he’d wanted to spend time with her, get to know her better.
Once the logistics were out of the way, he helped her find a pillow and blanket for him to use on the couch. He could see the reluctance in her movements, like she didn’t want to admit this was the new normal for an unknown amount of time.
When everything was set up, Dean slipped off his shoes by the door and settled onto the couch. He noticed she chose to sit on the coffee table instead of a place on the couch, which was now his makeshift bed. It created a physical distance between them that mirrored the awkward silence hanging in the air.
Dean couldn’t read her mind or hear her thoughts, but feeling her guilt pulled on his heart. “What’s wrong?” he sighed, watching her stare at the floor. They’d grown to be friends, and it was like she wanted to put more distance between them now that they were “living together.”
“A lot,” she mumbled, fidgeting with her fingers, a habit he’d noticed before. “I feel bad. You got dragged into my mess.”
Dean’s heart ached at her words. She didn’t know the half of it. If only she knew how far he’d go for her, how things would have gone if she hadn’t found this bunker. But he couldn’t tell her that. Not yet. Instead, he sighed again and held his arms open, “Come here.”
She looked up at him, puzzled, but he motioned her over. The hesitation in her eyes made him feel like he was offering too much, but then she bit her lip, stood up, and sat next to him on the couch. Dean gently pulled her against him, feeling her warmth seep into him as he held her close. He wasn’t sure who needed the comfort more—her or him.
“You didn’t drag me into this, Sweetheart. There’s still a lot you don’t know, and right now really isn’t the time to go into all those details. I can tell you’re overwhelmed. What can I do to help you relax?” He kept his voice soft, soothing, trying to calm the storm he knew was raging inside her.
“I’m just scared, and this place was so quiet when you were gone, and so… lonely…” she admitted, her voice tinged with vulnerability that tugged at his heart.
Dean took a shaky breath, struggling to keep his own emotions in check. “Hopefully, it won’t be lonely while I’m here. Still didn’t answer my question, though,” he added with a light chuckle, trying to inject a bit of playfulness to ease the tension.
She thought about his question, and Dean noticed the blush creeping into her cheeks. It was cute, and he couldn’t help but smile at how endearing she was. “This is helping,” she mumbled shyly.
Dean’s heart skipped a beat when she said that. He knew she didn’t mean it in the way he wished she did, but hearing her say it still made his heart race. He felt her head resting on his chest, and her hand was right over his heart. He wondered if she could feel how it sped up, and, if she did, what she’d think of it. He mentally kicked himself, reminding himself that she didn’t know she was his soulmate. She probably thought it was nerves or something else.
When she mumbled an apology, Dean shook his head slightly, wishing she’d stop blaming herself for everything. “I wish you’d stop apologizing already. If it bothered me, I’d tell you. I like spending time with you, and no one should have to go through something like this alone.”
She pouted, and he had to resist the urge to smile at how adorable she looked. He could see she was about to apologize again, but she caught herself and stopped. Instead, she started playing with a tiny crease in his shirt, her fingers brushing against him lightly. Dean’s breathing hitched as he tried to ignore how her touch was affecting him, but it was impossible. He could feel his resolve slipping, but he couldn’t let her know that. Not now.
“So, um, you want me to just let you get some sleep then?” she asked, clearly searching for a way to break the silence.
Dean smiled, shaking off the tension that had built up inside him. She didn’t even realize what she did to him, how hard it was for him to keep his feelings in check when she was so close, touching him like it was nothing. “Or, we could have a drink, and you can relax so you can sleep,” he suggested, trying to lighten the mood a bit. Playfulness had always been their safe space.
“I guess so,” she mumbled, and he could tell she was holding something back. She always did. That was the thing about her—she kept walls up, just like he did, but for different reasons.
Dean chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re so stubborn,” he teased, giving her a soft nudge as he shifted to stand up.
He walked into the small kitchen and grabbed two beers from the fridge, popping the tops before heading back to the couch. When he sat down, she shifted to give him space, but he couldn’t help but smirk at the playful glare she gave him. He handed her the beer, sitting back in his spot. “Thanks,” she said, her voice quiet but grateful.
“I’m not always stubborn,” she added, her lips turning into a small pout.
Dean couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. “You know, you’re adorable when you pout like that.” The words slipped out before he could stop them, but he realized at that moment there was no way he was going to keep his walls up for long.
He turned toward her, draping his arm over the back of the couch, his leg bent on the cushion. The casual position was more for his own nerves than anything else, trying to play it cool when inside, he was anything but. She did the same, mirroring his posture, but her hands stayed in her lap, one of them clutching her beer. There was something about the way she held herself, so self-contained, that made him want to reach out and tell her everything would be okay. But Sam’s words echoed in his head again, and he stayed silent about it all.
When she spoke again, her voice was soft, hesitant. “I know it’s a touchy subject, but… When you do find your soulmate, I don’t mind telling her what an amazing guy you are. And… I’ll understand that we won’t spend as much time together.”
Dean felt a sharp pang in his chest, like someone had just sucker-punched him. She had no idea. No idea that her name was on his skin, that she was his soulmate. His smirk turned into a soft smile, knowing he’d get to share the truth with her one day. “Only as long as I get to do the same for you,” he replied, his voice quieter than before. He found some slight humor in it, though, and could only hope she would too, one day when she was ready to know the truth.
“Fair,” she said, giving him a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. He could see something hidden behind it, something she wasn’t ready to admit, and it only made the weight in his chest heavier. “How long are you staying for?”
Dean shifted uncomfortably, looking away for a moment. He didn’t want to tell her this part, but there was no avoiding it, even though he’d prepared for it. “Uh, yeah, about that…” He trailed off, glancing back at her and seeing the concern on her face. Damn it. He hated making her worry. “Someone followed me, at least to your driveway, but they drove past. I uh… we’re sort of stuck down here, together.”
The last thing he wanted was for her to think she was trapping him here, especially after all the apologies she’d given him earlier. The truth was, if he had the choice, this was how he preferred it. She wouldn’t be alone now, and he wouldn’t constantly be worried about her. Dean watched her as she was lost in thought. He caught bits and pieces of her emotions, but she had her guard up at the moment.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you about being down here with you,” he said, breaking the quiet and trying to keep his tone light. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel guilty.
She snapped out of her thoughts, meeting his gaze with wide eyes. “No, no, no. It’s nothing like that. I was lost in my thoughts,” she replied quickly, sounding almost… apologetic again. He had to resist the urge to shake his head, half-expecting another one of those damn apologies to slip out.
Dean raised an eyebrow, smirking a little to ease the tension. “Care to share, Sweetheart?”
He watched her shift, a little shy all of a sudden, and it made his chest tighten. Damn, she was something else. “Just… stuff, that’s all,” she mumbled, clearly dodging the deeper stuff she didn’t want to share yet. He knew better than to push.
“I’ve never lived with anyone before,” she added after a pause, her voice quiet. “Not like this, anyway.”
Dean listened as she started to explain what she had been thinking about—ways to make the bunker more comfortable for both of them, a private space for him in the living room. She was so thoughtful, always considering him, even when she was the one whose life had literally gotten turned upside down. He smiled softly, nodding as she rambled on about the details. It was kind of cute, the way she talked a mile a minute when she was nervous.
“We can do that tomorrow if you’d like,” he suggested once she finally stopped. He found her babbling adorable, and her thoughtfulness was something he’d come to admire about her. “Why don’t you go get some sleep, though? It’s late.”
She crossed her arms, trying to look serious, which only made him chuckle. “Only if you promise that you’ll sleep and not stay up all night watching over me,” she said with a determined look that was more adorable than intimidating.
Dean chuckled again, unable to help himself. “You’re adorable when you act like that. I promise I’ll get some sleep, just not gonna promise on how much.”
She smacked his shoulder playfully before getting up to clean the empty beer bottles. Dean watched her as she moved, noticing how she hesitated in the kitchen, like she was wrestling with something. He wondered what was on her mind but didn’t press. She had enough to deal with already.
When she came back out, standing near the hallway, she gave him a half-smile that tugged at his heart. “Then, I’ll see you in the morning,” she said softly.
“Night, Sweetheart,” he replied, watching her as she turned to head to her room. His eyes lingered for a moment longer than they should have, but he couldn’t help it. She was his soulmate, and every part of him wanted to tell her, to show her. But not tonight.
He leaned back into the couch, sighing heavily once she was out of sight. Running a hand through his hair, he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to settle the whirlwind of emotions spinning inside him. The problem wasn’t being stuck here with her. Hell, being near her was the only thing that felt right these days. The problem was keeping everything he felt under wraps.
Dean looked down at the blanket she had set out for him. He had promised to sleep, but he knew that wouldn’t come easy tonight. His thoughts kept drifting back to her—how she fit perfectly in his arms earlier, how she looked at him like he was someone worth trusting, how just being near her made him feel grounded in a way he hadn’t felt in years.
Dean sighed again, shaking his head. She had no idea how hard it was for him to hold back, to keep his distance when every instinct told him to be closer, to help her heal, to tell her the truth. But she wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. So, he’d wait. He’d do what he did best—look out for her, stay by her side, and keep his feelings in check.
Lying back on the couch, he closed his eyes, willing himself to get some rest. But even as he tried, his mind wouldn’t stop wandering back to her—to the thought of what it would be like to be more than just her friend. To be the one she fell asleep next to, the one who held her close.
But for now, that was just a dream.
—-------------------------------------
Knowing the bunker would keep the two of them safely hidden, Dean let himself relax and move into a routine with her. She was easy to get along with back at the garage, and here was no different. If he was up first, he would make the coffee, which made her smile. For him, it was more than just treating her like a roommate. He did things he would do if they were together while still giving her the space he knew she needed. Dean appreciated having the curtains up to hide the couch, needing a private space to take care of himself. He couldn’t count how many times he found himself wanting to be closer with her.
There would be those moments when her hair would fall just so, framing her face while she read a book that took his breath away. Or when she would snuggle up against him while they watched a movie. Then there was her laughter when they would play different word games, music to his ears. It all brought a peace to his soul he thought he’d never find. He tried so hard not to contact those on the outside, wanting so badly to know what was going on, wanting to be kept in the loop. But, there was never any new information that could soothe his worries. Dean never let those things be seen by Y/N. He didn’t want her to worry more than he knew she already was. The restraining order wasn’t a reassurance for him, knowing that the Vaughts never played by the rules.
It was near the end of the second week that he realized he was picking up more than just her emotions. He was hearing some of her thoughts. They came in bits and pieces, a word here and there at first, then two or three strung together. Sadly, he couldn’t always figure out what was going through her head, but he was starting to get an idea when he paired the words with her emotions.
There were times when he could feel her slipping into her thoughts, like she was battling with something she didn’t want to say out loud. Dean always found a way to break the tension, cracking a joke or teasing her just enough to pull her out of her head. Every time she smiled or laughed, it made it all worth it. When he felt that little spark of hope in her, causing his own hope to flicker to life.
It was during the third week when things took an unexpected turn, something Dean hadn’t anticipated. He’d been finishing his nightly routine when he heard the thud and then her scream. Without thinking, he bolted down the hallway and to the bathroom, heart pounding in his chest.
“What happened?!” He burst through the door, his eyes scanning the room before landing on her.
She was on the floor, naked, half-sitting up with a towel barely covering her body. Her hand rubbed at her asscheek, and the realization hit him like a freight train. He froze. His mouth went dry, his hand still gripping the doorknob as his mind short-circuited.
Holy shit.
Her skin was flushed, a deep blush spreading all the way to her toes as she looked away, clearly mortified. Dean couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. He knew he should turn around, shut the door, something, but he was stuck there, staring at her like an idiot.
“I slipped,” she grumbled, still not looking at him.
Dean’s mind raced, but his body didn’t follow. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks, and it was like his brain had completely shut down. The towel wasn’t doing much, and he needed to look away, but he couldn’t.
“Can, you, uh, go… so I can take my shower?” she finally asked, her voice quiet and dripping with embarrassment.
“Oh, yeah. Shit, sorry,” he mumbled, stumbling over his words as he pulled the door shut behind him.
Dean leaned against the door for a moment, running a hand through his hair as he tried to get his bearings. His heart was still racing, and he couldn’t stop the image of her sitting there from flashing in his mind. He needed to get a grip. Fast.
Shaking his head, he pushed off the door and walked back to the living room, trying to focus on anything other than what had just happened. But it was impossible. He could still see her blush, the way she avoided his gaze, how vulnerable she’d looked. Vulnerable and beautiful.
Damn it.
This wasn’t how things were supposed to go. He’d been so careful, keeping his distance, not letting himself get too close. But then, something like that happened. All he had wanted to do now was make sure she wasn’t hurt and hold her close. Well, those were his first thoughts anyway. He flopped onto the couch, rubbing a hand over his face. He needed to get his head straight. Now, there was this other problem, this massive, undeniable thing between them that he couldn’t ignore anymore. Every day it got harder to push it down, to remind himself that she didn’t know. She couldn’t know.
Dean closed his eyes, letting out a slow breath as he tried to push the thoughts away. She’d be out of the shower soon, and they’d go back to normal—awkward conversations, stolen glances, pretending like there wasn’t this elephant in the room.
But the truth was, he didn’t know how much longer he could keep pretending. The way his body responded to the little things was one thing he could easily keep control over. Seeing her naked in the bathroom was another beast entirely. He couldn’t stop the scenes playing out in his mind, touching her, tasting her, loving her. He quickly let down the curtains, effectively giving him the privacy he needed to take care of his throbbing cock straining against his jeans. Dean closed his eyes, allowing the thoughts to drift through his mind while she showered.
By the time she did get out of the shower, he’d barely finished, still in the process of steadying his breathing. He didn’t need her to see him in the state he was or how she affected him. That was the last thing he wanted to attempt to explain. He took slow, deep breaths, calming his body so he could spend the rest of the evening with her. At least now, the thoughts of her wouldn’t shoot electricity through his nerves and ignite a fire that couldn’t be extinguished.
The alarm going off pulled him from his thoughts. He moved quickly off the couch, adrenaline kicking in. Dean stopped in the doorway, though, just watching her. She was already on the phone, probably with Jodi. He felt her nerves, her worry, her fear, and it pulled at him to comfort her. For now, though, he just stood in the doorway, watching her closely, there if she needed him.
She hung up, and Dean stepped into the room. “What happened?”
When she jumped at the sound of his voice, he mentally cursed himself for startling her, but she quickly recovered and answered. “Two guys are at the front door,” she sighed, glancing up at him before looking back at the monitors. “Jodi said they’re here to take me somewhere for the wedding and not to leave.”
Dean’s stomach twisted. That stupid wedding. The one thing that tied her to that family. The thought of anyone trying to take her away—force her into something she didn’t want—made his blood boil. He crossed his arms, glancing at the monitors for only a few moments before leaning back against the table behind her, his eyes locked on the screen.
“I’m sorry, about earlier,” her voice was soft, apologetic. “I wasn’t paying attention and slipped. I didn’t mean to scare you or make you have to see me naked.”
Dean’s heart stuttered at the mention of it, and he swallowed hard, trying to maintain his composure. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen a naked woman before—hell, he’d been in enough situations over the years. But this felt different. More intimate. And she didn’t even know why it had such an impact on him. He shifted uncomfortably, not sure how to answer her without making it worse.
The silence between them dragged on, only broken by the faint hum of the monitors. He could tell she was embarrassed, could feel it from her. She had no idea how much he’d been affected by what happened, or how hard it was to pretend it didn’t mean something to him. He needed to say something—anything to break the awkwardness.
“You don’t have to be sorry,” he finally said, voice quiet but sincere. “It’s not like you did it on purpose. I can’t help it… I worry about you.” He paused as he gathered his thoughts, not wanting her to know that he was nervous. “As for the whole naked thing, well… uh, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, and, I’m sorry for staring. Afterward, well… I needed some, uh, time—to myself,” he stammered, knowing full well how lame he probably sounded.
He could feel her eyes on him now, could feel her confusion and curiosity in her gaze. It wasn’t often that he got flustered, but damn, she had a way of throwing him off balance. He wasn’t even sure why he was admitting so much. He’d spent the last several months hiding things from her—feelings, truths, everything. And now, here he was, tripping over his words like some nervous teenager.
“So, you’re not mad at me?” she asked, voice soft but hesitant.
Dean let out a quiet chuckle, knowing full well that he was anything but mad at her. Her innocence of it all was adorable. “Definitely not mad at you,” he reassured her, shaking his head.
She smiled a little at that, and the sight of it was like a punch to his chest. How could something so simple affect him so much?
“Wanna watch a movie then? Forget about the whole thing?” she asked, her smile growing a bit.
Dean seized the opportunity, glad for the distraction. “A movie sounds great, but this time, it’s a western. You picked the last one,” he teased, trying to lighten the mood.
As they made their way back to the living room, she moved ahead of him, and Dean couldn’t help but ask, “What were you doing that ended with you being on the floor anyway?”
“Oh yeah. I almost forgot about that,” she replied, getting comfortable on the couch while he set up the movie. “I’ve got dirt or something near my collarbone, but I couldn’t scrub it off. I was gonna ask you about it after my shower, but, uh… yeah. Your curtains were closed, so I was gonna just wait.”
Dean paused for a second, narrowing his eyes as he thought. Something about what she was saying didn’t sit right with him. “Lemme see,” he said, sitting on the coffee table in front of her, leaning in to get a closer look.
She pulled her hair back, tilting her head to give him a better view. Dean’s hand moved almost instinctively, resting gently on her upper arm as his thumb brushed over the spot she was talking about. His heart skipped a beat. Her skin was soft beneath his fingers, but what really caught his attention were the faint, barely-there lines on her collarbone. They looked a little darker than when he’d seen them a few weeks ago, at breakfast.
“It looks like your soulmate’s name is trying to come through,” he mumbled, still staring at the letters.
His breath caught as he realized how close he was to her. Their eyes met, and suddenly, the air between them felt different—charged. He could feel her breath mingling with his, could see the way her lips parted slightly, and for a moment, he forgot where he was, forgot everything except the way she was looking at him.
Dean’s hand lingered on her arm longer than it should have, and it took all his willpower to pull away. She broke eye contact first, mumbling an apology and a thank-you, but Dean didn’t miss the way her voice shook just a little.
He let out a long breath, moving to his usual spot on the couch. His mind was racing, thoughts tangled in a mess of feelings he’d been trying to keep under control until she would hopefully let him in. It would have been far easier for him to keep his feelings in check if it wasn’t for feeling her emotions and hearing some of her thoughts, even if they were only small snippets. She was quiet, too, lost in her thoughts, and Dean found himself watching her more than the movie.
“Are you gonna stay in your head all night, or do you want to come cuddle and finish the movie with me?” Dean asked, knowing full well she’d stay in her head for the whole movie if he didn’t get her out of her thoughts.
Her startled squeak made him chuckle, and something about the moment felt lighter, easier. “I still find that cute,” he added, teasing her gently, though deep down, his heart was still thundering in his chest.
He couldn’t help but chuckle—she always had the cutest reactions, and it never failed to catch him off guard. He shifted as she gave him a playful glare, which only made his grin widen. When she snuggled up to him, leaning into his side, he felt a sense of ease he hadn’t realized he needed. His arm draped around her shoulders, and the familiar warmth of her presence settled against him.
“I don’t mean to be so spacey. I’ve just got a lot on my mind,” she said, her tone soft, almost apologetic.
Dean sighed, feeling the weight of her words. He had been telling her for weeks—months, really—that she could talk to him about anything. Yet here she was, still holding back, carrying more than she should. “I keep telling you that you can talk to me about it. I won’t get mad at you, and I won’t treat you like everyone else has,” he said, his voice low but sincere.
“I know.” She pouted as she played with the crease in his shirt. “It’s just…” Her voice trailed off, and Dean glanced down at her, sensing the hesitation. “I’m… I keep reminding myself that you have a soulmate.”
Dean’s heart jolted in his chest at her words, the implication sinking in like a lead weight. He froze for a second, feeling like his heartbeat was suddenly too loud in the quiet room. His mind raced, trying to make sense of what she had just said. What does me having a soulmate have anything— He couldn’t even finish the thought, the weight of it all crashing down on him. She was saying what he thought she was saying, right?
When she ducked her head lower against his chest, Dean’s pulse quickened. He could feel the tension between them now, the way her body language shifted. She was embarrassed, maybe even scared, and it twisted something deep inside him. His gut tightened as she mumbled something almost inaudible—an apology, he thought—but it only made him sigh.
Dean gently lifted her chin with his thumb and forefinger, coaxing her to meet his gaze. When her eyes finally locked with his, he could see the uncertainty and vulnerability there. She was afraid, but of what? Him? The situation? “You really need to stop apologizing. I didn’t know what was bothering you, and I asked. I’m not upset. It just surprised me… if I’m taking it the way you’re implying it,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
His eyes searched hers, trying to read the emotions swirling there. The way her cheeks flushed, how her lips parted just slightly—it was making it hard to think straight. He could feel the tension in the air thickening, and part of him wanted to reach out, to close the space between them. But he held back, not wanting to push her, not unless he knew for sure what she wanted.
Dean’s gaze flicked down to her lips for just a second before he licked his own, a nervous habit he couldn’t shake. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking, but he could feel the electricity between them, the pull that had been there since day one.
“How do you think I’m implying it?” she asked, her voice a mix of nervousness and something else—hope, maybe? He wasn’t sure, but it made his heart skip a beat.
A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth, the same one that had gotten him into trouble more times than he could count. He leaned in just a little, his voice dropping to a low, almost teasing tone. “That if I kissed you right now, you wouldn’t tell me no or try to stop me.”
The moment hung in the air between them, charged with anticipation. He could see the conflict in her eyes—the way she wanted to lean in, but something was holding her back. For a heartbeat, Dean thought maybe, just maybe, she’d let him in. But then she pulled away, gently but firmly, moving to the middle of the couch.
“I… can’t…” Her voice was small, filled with something that sounded like regret, and she stared down at the coffee table as if it held all the answers.
Dean furrowed his brow, confusion, and concern flooding him all at once. What was she talking about? Why was she pulling away now, after all this time? He shifted so he was facing her, his body tense with worry. “Seriously, Y/N, what’s bothering you?” he asked, his voice more urgent now. He needed to understand. He needed to know what was going on in her head.
Her silence weighed on him, and then, slowly, tears began to slip down her cheeks. The sight of her crying cut him deep, a pain he hadn’t been expecting. He hated seeing her like this—so vulnerable, so torn up. And knowing that he was part of the reason for it twisted the knife in his chest even further.
“I like you more than I should,” she whispered, her voice shaky with emotion. “You have a soulmate, and one day, I’ll have one too. I’m sorry I fell for you and made things uncomfortable now that you’re stuck down here with me.”
Dean’s heart fractured at her words. He wanted to tell her that she was his soulmate, that he’d known since he was sixteen, but that meant sharing things with her she wasn’t ready for. He couldn’t even tell her that he loved her. All he could do was watch her walk away, the soft click of her door closing, a barrier between them.
He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. His mind raced, processing all that she’d said. She’d fallen for him. The walls she had put up to keep herself safe had crumbled, but she was already rebuilding them, and he felt it. She was so afraid that her soulmate wasn’t him, and he wasn’t hers, that she couldn’t let him get close and couldn’t get closer to him. The bits and pieces of her thoughts that he’d heard made far more sense now. If only he could tell her everything.
For hours, Dean sat there, thinking about how he was going to approach her when the time presented itself. He’d give her time, though, knowing that admitting what she had had been harder on her than she was letting on. Hell, he could feel what she was going through. Every second she was hurting, it pulled at his soul. The need to go to her, wrap her in his arms, and comfort her was almost overwhelming. If it weren’t for Sam’s words repeating in his head, he would have told her the first day he saw her at the garage.
Sleep finally found him sometime after midnight. The only thing he had figured out was that he’d give her space, gauge her emotions, watch her body language, and pray he’d know what to say when the moment was right.
----------------------------------------- Chapter 21
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Dean is clearly struggling with depression in 7.04. We already know this from 7.02 when he essentially reveals to Bobby that he's suicidal. But before Dean ever gets on the hook with Osiris, he just doesn't want to be working a case. They go see the grave of the girl the first victim killed, but Dean suggests going back to the hotel instead of immediately burning the body to see if it takes care of the issue. Sam doesn't protest, but looks surprised. When Sam says it's time to go burn the bones, Dean clearly doesn't want to go. He's melancholic—tired. Caught up in the tragedy of the dead child and the foolishness of the drunk driver who killed her. When they get back, Dean tells Sam to take the first shower and lays down on the bed. Sam is fully focused on the case, raring to go. He quickly finds another death has occurred and tells Dean to suit up. Again, Dean doesn't want to go. He just wants to sleep. He closes his eyes and whines under his breath. Sam notices this time and asks if Dean's okay. Dean pretends he is. Dean sits on the hood of the car while Sam goes in the coroner's office. He's withdrawing—hiding—trying to get space. Sam says the farm they need to search next is "A few hundred acres" and Dean is upset—says they'll be "searching all year". When they meet the victim who hasn't died yet, Dean complains that his story doesn't make sense even though that's a common experience for them while working supernatural cases. Witness statements they receive often don't make sense, and they typically deal with that by showing as much openness as possible to their witnesses. It's basic stuff for them. In other words, basically everything about the way Dean is behaving screams that he doesn't want to do the job (from the beginning, before they even know what it's about).
Dean's rarely so apathetic about cases. The last time he was this apathetic about a case was probably 5.17 "99 Problems", right before he left Bobby, Sam, and Cas a suicide note. He's supposed to be the guy who cares, but he doesn't care right now. This is also illustrated to us when Dean suggests the victims deserve to die anyway. This sends up red flags particularly when their last victim (who isn't dead yet and needs help) is an murderer who did his time. Dean was the one who defended prisoners not deserving to die in 2.19 when Sam suggested otherwise (and it'll happen again in 9.07), but they reverse roles here. Sam calls out the reversal, telling Dean, "You say it yourself. It's not on us to judge." It's possible the man being a murderer has some impact on Dean's compassion as well, but I don't think that's quite it. It reminds me a little of 2.08 "Crossroads Blues" and how Dean's depression and anger in that episode clouds his compassion. Sam also goes for the "We kill people too" defense, but Dean just says he deserves to die too (in keeping with what he told Jacob Pond last episode when the boy told Dean he'd kill him one day). Dean's supposed to be the one who Cares, but everything feels utterly meaningless to him right now. Everything they do, everything they are. None of it means anything.
#dean and guilt#7.04#season 7#the flannel business#sams moral compass#deans moral compass#pk rewatches spn number ?#5.17#2.08
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If you are a Sam or Jared fan don’t read this. The beginning of season 7 (im on ep 8) is extremely hard to watch. I’ve read people saying that when Cas dies Dean gets depressed and suicidal but I wasn’t prepared for how bad it gets. I thought he just went into certain situations before thinking about it or something but the fact he’s drinking way more then he usually does, he had to give himself a pep talk to go home with a girl (clearly he didn’t want to do it he just thought it’s what he does so he had to do it but I’m glad he didn’t since he’s not in a good place) haveing nightmares and not reacting to certain things the way he normally would is bad enough but then telling Bobby that if he is dead he was going to put him and Sam in the car and drive into the water (can’t remember his exact words and considering I bawled when I heard it I’m not going back to find out his exact words) but then when he seen that Bobby was alive he wasn’t even overly happy he just said “oh you’re alive” and then he was just going to let the god guy kill him without even trying to help Sam come up with a way to stop him is just heartbreaking. They try to say it’s a combination of Cas dying, Sam’s hallucinations and killing misses but he has done stuff behind Sams back before so killing her wouldn’t cause that much guilt on him. He has dealt with Sam not haveing a soul which he said just creeped him out and Sam being addicted to demon blood and that didn’t effect him so I don’t think he’d get that depressed over Sam hallucinating the only new thing is Cas being dead. After the end of season 6 it makes a lot of sense for him to act that way now.
I hate that the show makes Dean seem like the asshole self centred one but it’s Sam who’s those things. Dean is always looking out for Sam (and now Cas), protecting Sam and now even though he’s going through so much he’s still worried about Sam and asking him how he’s doing. Sam is watching Dean go through one of the hardest times in his life and yet the only time so far he asks Dean how he is it’s about the friend of his Dean killed. Seriously? He was standing right next to Dean when Cas trench coat washed up and yet Sam never said a thing about the whole thing to Dean. I actually really hate Sam for this.
Now that I know a bit more about season 7 then I originally did (Misha being fired) I now see the scene of Cas trench coat a bit differently and in fact I see a bunch of scenes a bit differently. I now see that first scene as more the actors real feelings. Dean is so upset because Jensen is upset of Misha not going to be around anymore and Sam basically not caring (he literally just stood there and didn’t have any reaction to what happened) because Jared probably wasn’t overly upset about Misha. I’m not saying they’re not friends but they are definitely not as close as Misha and Jensen and he was probably happy that the spotlight would be back on him again instead of Destiel. I think this is also shown in the other eps. I understand Sam is going through his own stuff but if Cas and him were friends I would think he would at least be sad that Cas is dead.
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You did what?!
Warnings: Fluff, Angst, pregnancy, Dad Dean
Paring: Dean Winchester x pregnant!reader
You woke up and looked at the time, 6:30. Yes! Woke up before Dean! You look to your left and see the bed empty, you put your hand there and feel that's its cold "Dean?" You get up and check the bathroom, he's not there. Maybe he never went to bed? No he accidentally woke me up when he did. You walk into the kitchen and he's not there. You start looking for a note and there isn't one... then the thoughts set it
What if he got kidnapped? What if something got into the bunker? What if Crowley got him? What if this? What if that? So many what ifs ran through your head before
What if he left me? What if he found the pregnancy test and he left! What if he doesn't want to be a Dad! What if he doesn't Love you!
You sat in your thoughts of despair for what felt like forever...
Until
Three months later
Dean walked into the bunker and saw you “Hey babe did you get the- woah. What happened?… you look mad.”
"Do I?" If you were a cartoon, steam would be coming out of your ears
“Uh yeah, you do… what’s wrong?” he asks, coming up and putting his arms around you
"Don't touch me! you left for weeks! Winchester, and you come back with 'Hey babe'"
“I was busy, Y/N.” he looks at you and crosses his arms “and I don’t appreciate the tone.”
"No, Hey I'm gonna be gone, no hey Sam tell Y/N that I needed to leave, Hey Cas let Y/N know I'll be back in a few weeks. NOT EVEN A FUCKING NOTE!"
he sighs “You know how important those jobs were, Y/N. If I told you you’d have talked me out of it.”
"YOU THINK I CARE?" You yelled
“Y/N calm down-“ he says holding onto you still in the embrace “I know you’re upset, but just hear me out.”
You start struggle against his hold
he sighs and let’s you go “what, you think I enjoy being away? I don’t.” he gets irritated “But the things I’m doing are important and someone has to do it. I don’t like it, you don’t like it, so calm down.”
"IT SURE FEELS LIKE YOU ENJOY BEING AWAY SINCE YOU LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING DEAN!"
“Stop yelling, Y/N” he says getting even more angry “I am sorry it’s just- some missions I can’t talk about! It was top secret! I shouldn’t even tell you I was gone at all!”
"YOU THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE? I CANT BELIEVE YOU!"
“Stop being so emotional! I just got home and I already have a headache! Why don’t you appreciate that I’m back? I’m tired of you being so damn dramatic!”
"Fuck you!" You walk away from him
“Y/N!” He chases after you “Wait! I’m sorry! Y/N, please!” he catches up to you and pulls you back. But your facing away from him
"Let go of me" my voice cracks
He lets go of you and stands next to you “Y/N please look at me” You look at him briefly, just long enough for him to see the tears streaming down your face. “Y/N…” his voice becomes soft and apologetic “I’m sorry… it was a hard job and I just wanted to come home and see you.” he reaches out and puts his hands on your shoulders and turns you so that your facing him.
''Don't, Don't you even fucking dare"
a look of hurt crosses his face “What? I’m-“ he tries to take your hands
"De, I didn't know what happened to you! For all I knew, a demon or something killed you and I would never see you again!"
“But I’m right here! And I’m okay. It was just a tough job. And I’m sorry but I don’t have time to explain.” he reaches out to wipe your tears.
You stop him from touching you,"but I didn't know that.''
“But you do know that now. Just let me prove to you that I’m back, that I’m okay. And that I love you. I don’t want to fight, Y/N. I just came home today and want to feel at home.”
"But that's my point, What if you didn't Dean? I wouldn't of known what had happened"
“Then you would’ve assumed I got killed on a hunt?” he sighs “Y/N, don’t jump to conclusions! Even if I died I would find a way to get back to you. You’re really the only person I care about.”
"But still! What am I supposed to tell the baby?" You gasp and throw your hand over your mouth, you weren't going to tell him that in the middle of the argument.
“There’s a… there is a baby Y/N?” he looks at you with wide eyes
You look down. "I didn't want to tell you like this"
“Y/N why didn’t you tell me?” his voice is becoming quieter and his face is filled with emotion
"I was going to! I was going to get up and make you breakfast and give you a little gift wrapped box with the test inside. But then you left"
“Oh Y/N…” *he reaches out to hug her again but doesn’t touch her. He smiles “You’re pregnant?”
You still hasn't looked up to see him smiling "yeah"
“You’re joking” he says smiling big, trying to see your face “Y/N I-“ he goes to hug you but quickly catches himself and pulls back* “You’re really pregnant with our child?”
You keep crying. "I'm sorry"
“Sorry? You’re saying this like it’s bad.” he looks at you “Why aren’t you happy about it?”
You look up to see him smiling. He kneels to be on her level “Y/N we’re going to have a child.”
"Your Happy?"
“Yes of course! I’ve been hoping for a child for years. But you don’t seem to be happy, Y/N. Are you not happy?”
You start sobbing "I thought you weren't going to be happy!"
“Not be happy to have my own child? Are you kidding me? Of course I’m happy. I thought you wanted kids too? And here we are expecting one.” He smiles and hugs you despite your protests. You hug him back. He kisses you “This is amazing. And we’ll have to start thinking of baby names.”
"De, I'm barely out of the first trimester"
“So? We can still think about it.” *he says excitedly* “And we have plenty of time before baby gets here. We can tell everyone too.”
You smile at him "I'm already showing a bit, Deanie"
“That’s a good thing” he says, holding ypur stomach “What do you think we can name it, hun? Girl or boy? I hope we get a girl”
You smile again. " I just want the baby to be happy." You take off your sweater, revealing the small swell of your belly that wasn't there when he left for the hunt.
His eyes grow “Huh you weren’t kidding when you said you already started showing.” he smiles as he looks at your stomach “We will have fun in the months to come. This is going to be great.”
You smile at him again. "Yeah," you run your hand over the small swell of your small baby bump
He kisses your stomach “We’ll make this work. Just like everything else. When is your next doctor appointment and how many weeks are you?” he asks quickly, looking at your stomach
"In a few days, 14 weeks. So the baby is about the size of an apple"
"Sweetheart, I have to tell you something"
"Yeah?"
"I made a deal with a demon, I only have two years left"
"You did what?!"
Hiiii! Sorry for doing that! But Also not like at all. If you want me to rewrite without the Angst let me know. I know that it feels kind of abrupt but I came up with this idea while talking to this character on Character AI
And I cut out cuddling with him, taking about insecurities of my own and coming up with baby names. Also if you want a part two let me know. I hope you liked it!
@twinkleinadiamondsky
#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x pregnant!reader#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester#dean winchester angst#dean winchester fluff#character ai
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Suptober Day 12: Harvest Festival
The hunt is an easy one. Calling it a vamp nest would be an exaggeration, and Dean takes the two of them out without breaking a sweat. He thinks about calling Dad and asking if he's missing something.
Then he figures Dad wouldn't answer anyway.
He heads back to the motel alone. On the way, he passes Main St. It's completely closed with hay bales stacked in the street to block anything but foot traffic. There's a huge sign in faded oranges, browns, and reds declaring the start of the town's harvest festival. Tacked to the bottom are fliers from a bunch of local businesses, and one in particular catches his eye. It's for a place called Milton's that claims to have the best pies in the state.
He parks in the nearest empty spot and hoofs it back. The entire street is filled with people, mostly families, who are enjoying each other's company as much as they're enjoying the booths. Dean tries not to look at them too closely.
The bakery's booth is easy enough to find; he just has to follow the trail of people with half-eaten baked goods. When he gets to the front of the line, the woman behind the table freezes. She has fire red hair pulled back in a ponytail and big brown eyes that widen in surprise. Her customer service smile is still plastered on, and after an awkward, stuttering moment, she says, "Hi, how can I help you?"
She throws a look over her shoulder at the man who's slicing a new pie at the back of the booth.
"Uh." Weirdly enough, none of Dean's alarm bells are going off. It's a weird interaction, and he should be running the other direction, but... But he really wants some pie. "You got pumpkin?"
She nods eagerly. "Of course." To the other man, she says, "Cas, can you bring me a slice of pumpkin?"
Without looking up, Cas says, "I'm a little busy, Anna."
More urgently and through clenched teeth, Anna says, "Cas."
With a put upon sigh, Cas looks up, and it's like deja vu. As soon as he sees Dean, he freezes. His ice blue eyes dart to Anna then back to Dean. He drops the knife, scrambles for one of the pre-packed slices, and comes over to hand it to Dean.
Neither of them say anything while Dean takes out his wallet to pay. He even drops a couple of bucks in the tip jar before he starts back toward where he parked.
He's almost made it to the car when he hears someone calling his name. When he turns around, Cas is jogging after him. Dean slips his hand into his pocket so he can feel his switchblade.
"How do you know my name?" he asks.
Cas stops. Clearly, Dean's apprehension is obvious.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--" Cas worries his lip. Then like it's some kind of joke, he raises his hands and says, "Be not afraid."
Dean flips the switchblade open but keeps it close so that the people driving by (probably) won't notice it. "Listen, buddy. I asked you a question, so start talking."
"Okay, okay." The real concern on Cas's face makes Dean relax a little. No monster's going to be scared of a little blade. "Anna and I are human. We are. We just haven't always been."
"Then what were you before you were human?"
"You're not going to believe me."
"Try me."
"Angels," Cas blurts out.
Dean laughs. It's a little manic, but man, the guy is actually crazy. "Angels aren't real."
Cas hasn't lowered his hands, but he takes a step closer. "Your name is Dean Winchester. Your younger brother is Sam. Your father is John. He raised you both to be hunters after your mother, Mary, died."
"How the hell do you know all that?" Dean bumps against the Impala. He hadn't even realized he was backing up.
"Heaven has plans for you and your brother. Awful plans."
"And what? You're telling me out of the goodness of your heart?"
"When Anna and I fell, we told ourselves we wouldn't get involved with any of it. We didn't expect you to show up at our booth, and it seemed cruel not to warn you." Cas finally lowers his hands. "I'll leave you alone now. I'm sorry." Awkwardly, he turns and starts back toward the festival.
The guy's crazy. Maybe he knows other hunters, and that's how he knows about the Winchesters. Maybe he's some kind of monster with amnesia that thinks it human. Whatever the case may be, there's no reason for Dean to do anything but climb into the Impala and leave.
"Fuck," he grunts. Then louder, "Hey, Cas!"
Cas turns around tentatively, but there's a hopeful quirk to his eyebrow.
"You said this whole heaven thing included Sammy?" Dean asks.
"Yes."
Dean sighs. He looks back at the road that leads to his motel. He could be packed up and heading out of town in less than half an hour. Cas hasn't moved.
Finally, against his better judgement, Dean says, "Could you and Anna use some help packing your booth up?"
#yes I'm posting this a day late#this prompt kicked my ass because it wanted to be a real fic#I beat it into submission though#sort of#does this work with the fallen angel lore of the show? no#do i care? also no!#anna milton#dean winchester#castiel#suptober#suptober24#short ficlet#supernatural
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Thinking about Dean during the Stanford era just before everything went down going to see Brokeback Mountain in theaters. He heard whispers about it but would deny that he knew anything about it if anyone had been around to ask. One night he sneaks into a theatre in a mid-sized town (not so big that it would be busy, not so small that he would stand out). He buys tickets for a different film and sneaks into a late-night showing, and makes sure to sit in the back so he can avoid the judgmental gaze of other patrons (they're not judging you, Dean, they're here for the same reason you are).
Thinking about Dean watching the slow-building yearning and the casual displays of intimacy and affection between Jack and Ennis during their summer ranching. Thinking about how they both go on to get married and have kids but continue to feel so deeply dissatisfied with their lives. Thinking about their reunion 4 years later and a kiss so frenzied that it bruised their noses. Thinking about twenty years of back-and-forth, of yearning for something one of them is too afraid of have. Thinking about the heartbreak of “I wish I knew how to quit you” and “sometimes I miss you so much I can’t hardly stand it” and "it's because of you, Jack, that I'm like this," and "there ain't ever enough time." Thinking about Dean silently breaking down during Ennis' call to Jack's widow, and again when he enters the closet of his lover's childhood bedroom to find a relic of their relationship, hidden away in a dark corner. Private. Loved.
When Dean left the theatre, he was a changed person - heartbroken for something that, in that very moment, he couldn't name within himself. I think that he carries the story with him throughout the series. Eventually, he is able to name that heartbreak - of loving someone so completely but never being able to say it. Of fearing what others would do if they knew, of having someone but never allowing yourself to actually have it.
Of course he sees the comparisons to be made between Cas and him. He sees what his insistence in believing in Cas, even when his gut tells him otherwise, means. He understands what is being left unspoken in long, drawn out gazes and crooked smiles. He knows that their post-death hugs and late nights spent chatting with each other while watching the old westerns that Dean loves mean so much more than they pretend.
I think that over the years, Dean would return to the film and re-mourn the loss of Jack. Over and over, on nights when Sam is out late researching in an archive and Dean knows he has a few hours alone. He has a torrented copy (because he can't risk the physical evidence being found, even after settling into the bunker). I think that Charlie probably downloaded for him, because of course - she knew. Maybe she slipped it in a batch of movies Dean requested from her, with a few of her own added in for good measure. He regrets never having the chance to thank her for that.
After Cas dies and goes to the empty, Dean hangs the jacket with the bloody handprint on the inside of his dresser door. He stands there and thinks about Ennis finding his and Jack's bloody shirts intertwined in a hidden spot in the back of his closet, together, after his death. Dean stands, staring at the jacket, heartbroken. He thinks about loving and losing and never-really-having. Of letting yourself bask in the sun, shining on your face. If he can't have Cas, he wishes that the universe, or Chuck, or whatever, had at least seen fit to have left him with Cas's trench coat to protect on the inside of his stained jacket. But it (or he) didn't, all he has left is the relic of his not-lover's handprint, marked in blood.
#hi this has been sitting in my drafts for several months and Jenna watching brokeback made me pull it back out#anyway I still have a lot of feelings about Dean and this movie#brokebacknatural#supernatural#destiel#my stuff#my writing
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Fic request!: Dean and Reader have been engaged for a long time and are waiting for the perfect time to finally get married. On what should have been an easy hunt with the brothers and Cas, reader is mortally wounded and in their last moments together, Cas marries them (I mean, angels should have that authority right? lol) as Reader dies in Dean's arms?
Word Count: 1.8k
Warnings: slight violence, dying!reader, blood, slight gore, angst
Dean X FemReader
We round the corner of an abandoned building, and not even this fierce wind could break the dark, thick fog of tension that sits among the three of us. Neither I nor the Winchesters have a clue what we're up against, or if they do, they haven't filled me in. I just know it's demonic and killing innocent people.
We haven't exactly been getting along lately, and if not for the danger that constantly looms around us, I'd have made a joke to Dean about acting like a married couple before we could even tie the knot. But the worst part about the frustration that we feel is the impulsivity that comes with it. The pissing contest of heading into hunts we know we're not prepared for, but are too damn prideful to say so. And somehow the anger leads us to believe we're stronger than we actually are.
I want to convince them to turn around and leave, but I realize that it's too late when Dean kicks down the door, his gun aiming every which way before his foot could even land back on the ground. Leaves rustle under Sam's quick steps as he follows behind Dean like a dutiful soldier. I'm told to stay close, but I'm immediately distracted by the smell of something rotting and the graffiti on the wilting walls. There are words like 'kill', 'die' and 'run' written in red and the hair on the back of my neck stands.
“Y/N!" Dean quietly shouts.
I jolt to look in his direction. He motions with furrowed brows and two fingers for me to move in, and I reflexively roll my eyes. I realize I'd been absentmindedly twisting my engagement ring around my finger.
We shouldn't be here. I know it, so why don't they? Or do they and they just don't care? I stare at Sam internally begging him to turn my way, for him to see the fear in my eyes and help me convince Dean that we should leave, tell him that something just doesn't feel right, but when he does look my way he only shoots a sympathetic smile. I roll my eyes again.
Anxiety clouds me. My chest feels tight, and air feels thin. My vision gets blurry, and I can feel the anger inside of me trying to claw it's way to the top, but all the while I can feel myself weaken, my guard down. I carry on, walking towards where the brothers are and I can smell my threat before I see it. Sulfur. I quickly turn to attack, but feel a piercingly sharp pain in my side.
With a yelp, I instinctively place my hand over the area that burns to hold pressure on it, but it scares me how wet my hand feels, and when I pull my it up I can see that it's drenched in blood.
I manage to croak out Dean's name before I fall to my knees, collapsing on the ground. The last thing I see before my world goes black is Dean kneeling down next to me, repeatedly and terrifyingly shouting my name as Sam fights off whatever it was that attacked me.
Laughter echoed in the halls of the bunker as Dean chased after me. We ended the game in our room, and trapped between Dean and the wall I had no choice but to succumb to him. Roping me in his arms, he tickled me until I begged through tears and a smile to be let go.
When I could catch my breath, my eyes met his gaze, and the whole world stopped around me. I took a few steps back to drop onto the bed, watching Dean as he plopped down next to me. I felt warmth throughout my entire body as he leaned to kiss me.
I could just explode I was so overwhelmed with love for him and for this moment, that when he pulled away I couldn't control my voice. "Marry me, Winchester." And my eyes widened when he quickly sat up.
He propped himself up on his arm, "what?" he said with one eyebrow raised.
"I'm serious, Dean," I chuckled, sitting up to turn my body towards him. I placed my hand on his leg, feeling him relax under it, "I have never felt the way that I do about you, for anyone. We have no idea when our last days are going to be, and in this line of work it could be tomorrow for all we know. I can't bear the thought of dying without you as my husband."
---
I hear my name in Dean's voice from a distance, but I'm surrounded by total darkness. I try so hard with all of my might to tell him I'm here, that it's okay, but the words don't come. It takes all of my strength to open my eyes, but they burn. Everything burns. I don't even try to suppress the scream that bellows out of me.
Taking as deep of a breath as I can, I'm scared for myself when it sounds and feels like I'm breathing a water and air mixture. "What's happening?" I manage to say, but Dean puts a finger to my lips.
"No, no," he soothes, "no, don't talk. It's okay," he says so gently, and as he maneuvers me into his lap I cry out in agonizing pain. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he says, then his voice switches into a shaky, fear filled command at Sam to call 911 followed by a yell for Castiel that hurts my heart almost as much as my wound hurts.
I feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness, but I'm brought back every time by Dean shaking my body in his arms, "hey, no! Stay with me, Y/N!" I feel his arms twitch around me, and I know he's frantically trying to figure out his next move. "Hey, stay with me," he pleads.
"Maybe we should get her talking," Sam's voice suggests from the other side of me. I keep my eyes shut. "So we know she's still here," he says.
Dean's hot breath hits my face as he lets out a heavy sigh, and I sway with him in his arms as he shakes his head no.
"Cas! Finally," Dean's voice is excited, but hesitant as Cas remains quiet. "Cas! Heal her!" Dean grunts, and what follows is more silence. "Cas!"
"Dean, you know I can't do that," Cas says somberly, a cold brush of air hitting me as Cas walks over to our side.
"Why the hell not?" Dean shouts with enough force to rattle me in his arms. I grunt from the jolt of pain it sends through my body, but he ignores me.
"I'm limited on my powers," Cas whispers. “Heaven, they-“ but he’s cut off by a scoff from Dean.
I feel myself weaken more and more with every second that they bicker around me, and I don't even have the strength to contest it. They're voices grow distant, and my muscles relax as I'm brought back to unconsciousness.
"I know you're not the marrying type, Dean, but-" I said, losing confidence in myself, and as if he realized this, Dean quickly straightened himself out to hold his palms up at me.
"No, no, it's not that. I'm just... I'm just a little surprised is all." Without letting me respond, he walks to his dresser and the drawer creaks as he opens it, the smell of old wood filled my nose as he rummaged around in it.
He turned to face me, and in his hands was a small, black box. His eyes softened, and he knelt down to one knee, "Y/N, I have been wanting to ask you this, maybe since the day we met," he chuckled. "And I had a whole speech prepared, but I think you got me beat," he laughed again, "and left me nearly speechless. So, Y/N, yes, I will marry you," he said.
--
The terrified shouts of the men around me brings me back to them, and thank God for that. My eyes still burn, and I clench them even tighter, forcing a tear I didn't know was there down and over the bridge of my nose.
I try to clear my throat to speak, but it's like it gets caught on something, and I cough to get it out. Dean quickly raises me up to a sitting position, which is excruciatingly painful.
"Y/N," Dean's voice shakes.
I take a few deep breaths in to clear my airway, and fight to open my eyes. They only open to a squint, but I take what I can get. I glance at Sam, then Cas who keep their eyes on the floor in front of them. My head tilts back as I look up at Dean. His eyes are trained to mine, his eyebrows pressed tightly together, as are his lips.
"Marry me, Winchester," I squeak, and I can see his face instantly relax.
"What?" he says, then the corners of his lips curl down. He nods gently and the tears he had been holding back come pouring down. He looks up at Cas, who immediately understand and kneels down next to us.
"Allow me," he offers, placing his hand under my cold fingers, and his other on Dean's shoulder. "Y/N, do you take this man to be your husband, to live together in holy matrimony," Cas begins, and my lips quiver at the words 'live together' because it finally hits me that this is the end of that.
Cas continues, voice a little louder to overshadow the sobs that break through Dean's chest. "To love him, to honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?"
"And even longer," I say, my eyes, even blurry, moving to Dean's in time to see tears slip down his cheek.
Cas turns his attention to my other half, "Dean, do you take-"
"I do," Dean eagerly states when he notices my breathing has slowed exponentially. "Skip to the end," Dean pleads.
"By the virtue of the authority vested in me under the laws of the Lord, I now pronounce you husband and wife". Cas sucks in a breath, and lets it out slowly. "You may kiss the bride."
Dean brings me closer to him, and his lips are hot and quivering against mine. I pucker to kiss him, but I know my lips don't move by the way his press deeper into mine to accommodate it. My breaths are even slower now, and I can feel myself slipping away again, no matter how hard I try to fight it.
I draw in a long, cold breath, trying to hold on as long as I can. "I love you, Dean," I say and as the breath escapes me, so does my light.
"I love you, t-"
----
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#dean x reader#dean x reader angst#supernatural#dean winchester#spn#supernatural fandom#supernatural fan fic#supernatural fic#fanfic#dean angst#1st person pov
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I can't let you go. Part 1.
Characters: Sam Winchester x Female Reader, Dean Winchester, Castiel. Bobby Singer. Crowley. Mention of other SPN characters.
Warnings: Language, Implied Smut. Steamy scene, A little fluff, Angst, Hurt Dean, Sam, Reader, and Cas. Guns, Cannon violence. Cannon with a twist. Slight panic attack. Let me know if I forgot any.
Summary: You have known Sam Winchester most of your life. He was your best friend and you were completely in love with him. The day after he decides to take on Lucifer and put him back in the cage is the day he finally makes himself tell you how he truly feels about you.
Word count: 5,634 words
A/N: My first fic for Sam. I'm sorry this one took a little longer. Hope ya'll enjoy 💗
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You had your phone on vibrate but the constant buzzing woke you. You pulled the pillow over your head and waited for it to stop. Finally, you thought.
And then it started right back up again. You got up in a huff. You didn't even look at the screen. You flicked the phone open.
“What?!”
“Wow, I forgot how grumpy you are when someone wakes up.” He chuckled.
“Sam?!” You sat up, turned the lamp on, and looked at the clock. “It's 2 in the freaking morning? What's wrong?”
“Why would something Be wrong?”
“Because it's 2 in the freaking morning and you're a Winchester. It's usually bad news if a Winchester calls you in the middle of the night.”
“Ouch. True, but still ouch.”
“Can I call you back in the morning? I've had a really long day and need sleep.”
He paused for a second“What were you hunting?”
“Saaaam” You whined.
“ I miss my best friend. Alright? You have been avoiding me since…” He trailed off
“Since Ellen and Jo died. And I haven't been avoiding you, Sam.”
“ Oh come on. I've called you about 100 times and how many of those calls have you returned? Admit it.”
“We can discuss this in the morning.”
“(y/n)..” You heard him say as you were about to close your phone. You hesitated. Why shouldn't you just close it? Why did you have to go running every time Sam Winchester called you? You sighed. Because he was your best friend and you were completely in love with him.
“Sam?” You said still in a grumpy tone.
“Are you close to Bobby's?”
“About 3 hours away.”
“So with your lead foot more like 2?”
“Saaaaamm..” You whined again
“I Need you.”
Fucking hell. Why? Why? Why? Why did he have to pull the I need You card? So unfair.
You groaned Into the phone loudly. “Let me get dressed and have some coffee.”
“I love you.”
It felt like a kick to the gut whenever he said that to you. Of course, it wasn't the way you wanted. “Yea yea, Winchester.” you closed your phone, got up, and got dressed. After filling Your thermos up with coffee you hit the road and you cursed him the whole way there.
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When you got to Bobby's it was a little after 4 am. Sam was sitting on the porch. His face lit up when he saw you. You hated that. You hated even more that you came. You swore to yourself you would grow a backbone and stop chasing him. But he needed you and you really couldn't stop yourself. With a deep breath, you opened your door. He was hugging you before you could even get the door shut. He picked you up and started spinning you around.
“Samuel William Winchester put me down now!!”
He laughed and put you down but kept you wrapped in a hug. You couldn't help but hug him back. “Sammy. What's wrong?”
“Like I said I miss my best friend.”
“You can't lie to me. What's wrong?”
“I haven’t seen you for like 3 months. Can we have 5 minutes please?”
“OK five minutes.” you inhaled his scent of vanilla and cedar with a Hint of honey. God, it was intoxicating. And just like that you were putty in his hands. Crap you thought.
He squeezed you and then released the hug.
“Thanks for coming.” He said walking to the rear of your truck.
You put Your hands in your jacket pockets and followed him. “Like I had a choice.”
“ (y/n) Of course you had a choice “ He leaned Against Your tailgate.
“Right.” You said in a sarcastic tone.
He smiled. Then gave you a serious look.
“ Come on. Out with it.” you nudged him out of the way so you could put the tailgate down. You hopped up to sit on it.
“ Dean said no to Michael. Nobody thought he would be able to resist..” he paused.
“Isn't that a good thing?”
“Yes and no. The angels got Adam to say yes.” he stood up and started pacing.
“Christ!”
“So the fight between Michael and Lucifer is sure to happen now... Lucifer is trying to hold out. He thinks I'll end up saying yes. And he has some kind of magical hold on death now. Then there's Pestilence with some crazy virus up his sleeve. Everything Got so fucked up so fast (Y/n).” He stopped pacing and turned to face you.
You could see the tears in his eyes. You grabbed him and pulled him into your Embrace. His arms were around you again and his head in the crook of your neck.
“Sammy we will find a way. I promise I will do anything I can to help.”
“ I already thought of a way. And just remember that promise as I tell you.”
You tried to detach from the hug, but he tightened his hold. You gave up and kept hugging.
“ I think I have a way to get Lucifer back in the cage. If we can get all 4 rings from the horsemen we can open it.”
“OK But how would you get Lucifer back���. “
The whole world stopped. He wasn't actually considering.” Sam, please tell me you're not thinking what I think you're thinking.”
He sighed. “How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Read my mind.”
Your eyes were full of tears now. And you held him tighter than you ever had. “Sammy.”
“You promised you would do anything…. Even if that meant letting me go?”
“No!” your voice cracked.
“(Y/n)” he whispered
“Sam, absolutely not.”
“It's the only way to save the world.”
“Fuck the world.”
He released his arms and rested his hands on the trunk by your hips. He leaned his forehead against yours. “You don't mean that,” he was still whispering.
You crossed your arms on your chest and closed your eyes. There's no way you were ever going to be ok with this. “Oh, but I do. If you're not here I don't give a shit if the world survives.” He wiped away the tear that rolled down your cheek.
“Babe..”
“Oh no. You don't get to babe me right…” He cut you off by kissing you. You pushed him back a little. “Sam what the hell? You can't tell me you're Going to let the devil possess you and then kiss me.”
“You're Right.” he sighed with eyes full of shame “I'm sorry.”
How dare he. Make a move now? Now? Why not 11 years ago? That didn't really matter now, can't change the past. Either the world is going to end or you're going to lose him. So why not?
You grabbed him by the jacket and pulled him back to you so he was standing between your knees, He wrapped his left arm around you and his right hand found your neck spreading his finger he rubbed your cheek with his thumb.“ You sure?” He whispered his lips inches from yours. You Slid your fingers up into his hair and nodded. His lips smashed into yours. Your heart thudded in your chest as you felt his desire through his kiss. The fire ran from your lips down to your core.
He let out a growl as you gripped his hair and pulled lightly. He grabbed behind your knees and pulled your crotch to his. The collusion sent electricity through your whole body as you moaned into his mouth. He pushed your lips open with his tongue and started massaging yours with his. He started grinding up against you and you could feel how hard he was. That with the friction made your fire grow wild. You pulled him on top of you as you reclined your upper body back on the truck. His lips skimmed your cheek, as they made their way to your ear, nibbling and sucking the lobe. You felt his hot breath in your ear as he whispered. “Mmm. (y/n) I've wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you.” taking your earlobe back into his Mouth. Sucking on it a little harder this time. You softly moaned his name. You could feel his smile on your neck as he trailed kisses down to your collarbone. He left goosebumps on your skin as he glided his hand up your thigh. Stopping at your hip, grabbing it he thrust against you once more. You moaned again. Then continue gliding it up your shirt. He stopped just below your breast. he raised his head and raised one eyebrow “No bra?”
“Some asshole woke me up at 2 in the morning and said he needed me. I didn't feel like putting one on.”
He laughed. “ just some asshole?” he asked and then started kissing your neck again.
“Eh. I guess you can call him my best friend,” you said sarcastically.
He smiled “Just a best friend?” he asked as he grasped your breast and thrusted again.
“Well kinda. I've always wanted him to be more. Don't tell him, but I’m planning on fucking him in the back of my truck.” you said in between moans.
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After you guys got cleaned up and dressed you lay in the back of your truck. He was beside you, arms wrapping you tightly and his head on your chest. You started swirling his hair in your fingers. You have had many fantasies over the years of fucking Sam and just being with him, but none of them could even come close to the reality. Every move, every noise, every time he looked in your eyes, every time he moaned your name. It was perfect. Now even just cuddling with him made your heart so full. He had your heart completely now and there was no way to get it back. You wished you could freeze time, but there was a war coming and a world to save. Plus you had to talk Sam out of the idiotic plan.
“Sammy Not..”
“Please don't ruin this. “ He cut you off.
“I'm not trying to ruin anything, but I have a question and I need the answer.”
He lifted his head and looked at you. “Just cuddle with me. After the sunrise, we will talk about anything you want.”
You sighed you wanted answers, but the sky was already lit. Around another half hour and you could ask away. Plus you would be wrapped in his arms. “Fine, but I'm holding you to that, Winchester.”
He chuckled. “I know you will.” he kissed your lips. Soft and sweet. Then laid his head back on your chest. He put your hand back in his hair. You smiled and started playing with it again.
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Dean was at the kitchen counter making coffee as Bobby rolled his wheelchair in.
“When did (y/n) get here?” Dean asked. Getting coffee mugs for all of them.
“Not sure. Sam must have called her.”
“I’m not sure that was the right thing to do,” he proclaimed as he poured a cup and took it over to Bobby.
“Thanks,” Bobby said as he took the coffee. “Well, she is a damn good hunter. She can probably help with this mess.”
“Yeah so we can get her killed too,” Dean said bluntly. “I'm surprised she even came after what happened to Ellen and Jo. “
“Dean. You can't blame yourself for Ellen and Jo…”
“They were helping us, Bobby.” Dean cut him off.
“No Dean. They were trying to help the world. Not everything is about you.” Bobby said harshly as he rolled out of the room.
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The morning noises mixed with the beautiful sunset were so peaceful. You wished you could just stay in this moment with your best friend forever or was he more now?
You heard him sigh. “Alright. We made a deal.” he sat up beside you. You sat up next to him. He took your hand in his.
“I have known you for 11 years. If you wanted this why wait until now to make a move?”
He took a deep breath. “Well at first I thought you were into Dean.”
You laughed. “ Dean fucks anything with 2 legs Winchester? Ha no thanks.” You loved Dean, but it had always been a big brother love. Sam chuckled and his face went serious again.
“And then everything happened with me and my dad. I finally got out. I didn't want to intrude or make you feel like I was trying to drag you out with me. You have always been 100% in the life. So I had to let you go.”
He wrapped his arms around you and lifted you with ease. As he opened his legs he sat you between them. Leaning your back against him, he kept his arms around you and rested his chin on your shoulder. “When I walked into the roadhouse that day I could tell by the look on your face that you were hurt. I didn’t even think you’d want to be friends again. It took a while, but when we started getting close again the internal struggle came. I didn't know if I could move on without feeling like I was disrespecting Jess. I realized I was being an idiot and Jess would want me To be happy. When I called you that night and asked you to meet me, I was gonna tell you everything and I was hoping you felt the same, but then Azazel kidnapped me and that whole thing happened. ” he snuck a quick peck on your cheek. You Smiled. “When Dean made his deal, I couldn't think About it. How could I focus on my drama while his life was on the line? Then when he went to hell I completely lost my mind. I pushed everyone away. I did a lot of shit I'm not proud of. After that, I didn't think I deserved anything good. I didn't deserve you.” You turned Your face toward his and kissed him on the cheek. You Tried to comfort him. The Moment your lips lifted off his cheek, he kissed your lips short and sweet. You leaned back into him.
“ We have had a lot going on the last couple of months, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking of you. I know the situation is completely fucked up and I didn't expect things to go exactly the way they did. I mean I'm not complaining at all, but my Plan was just to kiss you and tell you how I felt. How I always felt. I just had to get it out before… Ya know.”
You spun your body around to face him. Looking down at him you could see the tears and fear in his eyes. You pulled him into your arms. You squeezed him as tight as you could and he reciprocated. You laid your head on his shoulder. “Sam. I'm in love with you I always have been. I always will be. You're my best friend. My person. Please don't do this. I need You.” You couldn't hold back the tears.
“(Y/n) I love you too.” he whispered. “ please don't ask me not to. It's the only way to get Lucifer back in the cage. It's the only way to save millions of lives. Baby, I have to.”
You heard the screen door open and Dean's boots walking in the gravel. “ You alright (y/n)?”
“No” You admitted. “ I can't believe.”
“Dean, give us a second. Would ya?” Sam cut you off
Dean looked At Sam with a furrowed brow. Sam raised his.
“Uh yea. I just made a fresh pot. Don't let it go to waste huh.” Dean said as he spun on his heels and walked back to the house.
Sam waited until he was gone. “I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be rude. Dean doesn't know about the plan yet.”
“What?!”
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Sam walked in the door first. You made a B-line for the coffee pot. Dean's coffee was the best.
Sam continued into the study. As you poured yourself a cup you could hear their conversation.
“She was crying, Sam. What the hell is going on?” Dean raised his voice.
You didn't know if you should, but you made your way to the conversation. You leaned on the door frame.
“Dean. I have a plan..” Sam explained the whole plan.
“Absolutely fucking not Sam!” The old Winchester was heated.
Bobby rolled himself into the room but stayed silent.
“What The hell is wrong with you?”
“Dean.”
“Don't Dean me. You've had some stupid ideas in the past, but this?!” Dean started to pace and saw Bobby. “Did you know about this?”
Bobby nodded
“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Dean was pissed now. “ And I bet that's why (y/n) was crying. Am I the last person to know?”
“This ain't about me or her, Dean,” Bobby said
Dean turned back to Sam.“ You can't do this.” Yes talk him out of this you cheered from your mind.
“That's the consensus.”
“Good, then this conversation is over.”
Sam looked at you. “Don't look at me, I'm with him.” You said as you pointed at Dean.
Just then Dean's phone started ringing. “The answer is no Sam.”
He answered It as you walked back into the kitchen. You sat down at the table and sipped the last of your coffee. As you put the empty mug down, Sam walked in and grabbed it, taking it over to pour you another cup.
“I would lecture you on how you drink waaaay too much coffee, but I doubt it would do any good.” He places the full mug in front of you and then sits on the opposite side of the table.
“Oh, but I need caffeine. Some asshole kept me up all night.” You said with a smile.
He laughed. “What A stupid asshole. Everyone knows how grumpy you get when you don't get enough sleep.”
“Yea he is being pretty fuckin stupid right now.” sams smile faded.
You hear Bobby yell “I will?” What was Dean putting him up to now?
Sam took your hand and was about to say something When Dean walked in.
“That was Cas. He's human now. Bobby's gonna help me get back here.” He looked over at you guys and then down at your hands. He Raised his eyebrows once but didn't mention it. “Unless you wanna go pick him up (y/n)...” he smiled.
You rolled your eyes. “Bobby, you wana ride along?”
“Don't let Dean bully you darlin. You don't have to.” Bobby said wheeling into the room.
“Ha. Trust me Dean Winchester ain't That scary. It's Cas. He's been there when we needed him. I'm not gonna say no.” they all laughed. “One condition Though.”
“Oh of course.” Dean taunted
“I get the rest of that coffee.” You smiled.
Dean loaded Bobby in the passenger seat of your truck while Sam Put his stuff in the backseat. You tossed Your full, warm thermos in the front seat. And turned to the back door that Sam was shutting.
“Are you sure you'll be alright driving?” he asked as he took a couple of steps toward you.
“Sammy I'll be fine. I've driven longer on less sleep.”
“You be careful.”
“Me be careful? I'm just going to pick up an ex-angel. You're going after a horseman.”
“I'll be careful, promise.”
Since Bobby and Dean were on The other side of your truck you were expecting just a hug. But he put his hand under your chin, raised your head, And knelt in for a kiss. Your arms wrapped around his neck and his other arm around your waist.
Bobby cleared his throat and you could feel Sam's smile.
You both squeezed and then released. He stood there as you hopped into your truck. And he shut your door. “See You later.” You and Bobby nodded.
Dean was standing at The driver's door of the Impala hand on the handle. “Dude,” He said as Sam walked up.
“What?” Sam said annoyed
“It's about damn time.”
Sam smiled as they got in.
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Bobby was quiet for half the trip. He didn't even complain about your speeding. Finally, about Halfway there He broke the silence.
“ ya know I Have known you kids for a long time. I've watched you pine over Sam and then Sam pine over you. I gotta say.” He paused. “ You guys have terrible Fucking timing.”
You lightly chuckled. “You ain’t shittin ”
“It's gonna hurt like hell kid.”
“It was gonna hurt regardless.”
“That's true. So you gonna let him do this?” Bobby asked.
“I'm voting against it, but it's not like Winchesters listen when you tell them not to do something.”
He huffed “Ain't that the damn truth.” he looked over at you for the first time since you left the house. “I'll be here if it happens and you need a shoulder.”
You looked back at him. “I know Bobby. I know.”
You didn't wanna think about that Whole situation right Now. Just focus on getting Cas. Getting the rings and we will cross that bridge when we get there, you told yourself.
“Don’t tell Sam and Dean, but it would be faster if you went alone. Just get in, grab him, and get out”
“I can take care of myself, ya know?” you said defensively.
“I know, kid. Look, we have lost a lot of people. Me and the boys are protective, yes probably more than we should be. We just don’t wanna lose any more family. We love you (y/n).”
“I know.” you opened the door. “ I love you too Bobby.” you hopped out and closed the door.
Cas had given Dean his room number so there was no need to stop at the front desk. You made your way up to his room.
“(y/n), what are you doing here?” Castiel asked as you entered his room.
“I was in the area, thought I’d stop by. Cas I’m here to get you, why else would I be here?”
“ Well obviously. Just surprised you're here by yourself.”
“Bobby is in the truck. Sam and Dean went to get Pestilence.”
“How far away are they?”
“Not very. Let's go.”
You and Castiel had no problems getting out.
“Change of plans Bobby,” you said as you and Cas hopped in the truck.
“ Oh hell.” Bobby groaned.
You made It to the serenity Valley convalescent home as fast as you could. You got out and got in your toolbox. You grab your 9mm, put it in the back of your jeans, and pulled out your shotgun.
“ What do you think you're doing?” Bobby asked.
“Not now Bobby.” You pumped the shotgun. “Let's go Cas.”
Cas looked at Bobby. Bobby nodded at Him to go.
“ I know where he is I can feel him. Follow me and be careful” Cas told you as you entered the building. You guys got to the second floor before you started feeling woozy. You leaned Against the wall for support.
“(y/n) You alright?”
“I'm not feeling so hot. Cas go help the boys.”
“I can't just.”
“GO!” You yelled
Castiel went on. He found the room Pestilence was in and kicked open the door. Sam and Dean were on the ground coughing up blood and barely conscious.
“Cas?” Dean was surprised.
Cas walked in ready to fight. He took 2 steps and fell to his knees. He was weak and could fight couldn't fight off the disease any longer.
“Well look at that. An occupied vessel, but powerless.” Pestilence said smugly. You were almost to the door. If you could just make it to the door you could help.
Just make it to the door…. You thought as You fell. Everything hurt. Your insides felt like they were going through a meat grinder. You were burning up, but freezing at the same time. You didn't even have the strength to cry out.
Then suddenly all the symptoms just stopped. You felt fine. You grabbed your shotgun and Walked to the door. As you looked in the room you saw Sam and Dean getting up. Then Dean rushes to grab something off a table, Castiel Lying on his back with a demon on top of him dying from the demon blade, and Pestilence holding his bloody hand, a numb where his ring finger was.
“Doesn't matter. It's too late.” Pestilence whispered just before disappearing.
Sam looked back to the doorway. Disapproval In his eyes. You Guys had the ring, but everyone felt defeated.
“Everyone okay?” Dean asked. The 3 of you nodded. “Alright then Let's go.”
Nobody said a word as you made your way outside.
“Hey Bobby, why don't you ride back with me and Cas?” Dean asked as he walked up to the passenger side of your truck. He gave Bobby a look then looked at you and Sam.
“Yeah,” Bobby took the hint. Dean got his chair out of the bed. “We'll see you back at the house,” Bobby yelled as Dean Wheeled him over to the impala.
You put Your guns back in the toolbox, then hopped in your truck. Sam was already sitting in the passenger Seat. You took a deep breath and let it out in a heavy sigh, then started the truck.
“You sure you're ok?” Sam asked. You nodded. “You want me to drive?” You shook your head. “ Do you want the How could you be so stupid Lecture now or later?”
“Sam,” you said.
He continued. “ You know you could have gotten killed.”
“Sam!” You said a bit louder. He stopped talking. “ I am a grown-ass adult. I have been hunting demons and monsters Most of my life. If I want to go kick some ass I'm going to go kick some ass. I don't need you treating me like I don't know what the hell I'm doing. “ You paused. He opened his mouth but you kept Going. “ If I hadn't brought Cas here you and Dean would have died. So no, I don't think I made a stupid decision at all. And I don't think you're in a very good spot to be lecturing anyone on making stupid decisions right now.”
He closed his mouth and looked out the window. You turned Your radio on. Turn the page by Bob Seger started playing as you drove off.
Neither you nor Sam said a word on the Drive back to Bobby's. You called dibs on the shower as soon as you walked into the house. Not Stopping for approval you headed to the bathroom with your duffle bag in hand.
You thought about the ride home as the water warmed up. Maybe You were too harsh, but it's not like what you said wasn't true. The Winchesters and Bobby needed to see that you could handle your own. You weren't some delicate Little flower. And Sam was making a stupid decision. You Hurried in the shower just in case someone else wanted it. You Got dressed in sweats and a tank top. Then you twisted your damp hair up in a messy bun. Tossing your duffle in the hallway corner you made your way into the kitchen. Bobby usually had something to eat. As you searched for food you could hear the guys talking in the study.
“Chicago is about to be wiped off the map.” Bobby had your interest. You grabbed a bag of chips and leaned on the doorframe. “Storm of the millennium. Sets off a chain reaction of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die.” They all just looked at each other. Bobby explains how death is going to be there and we might have a chance to get his ring.
“Bobby, how do you know all this?” Sam asked
“I had some help.”
You could feel his presence there before he showed himself and you smelled sulfur. “Really Bobby?!” Everyone looked at you then their eyes went to Crowley. He was pouring a drink behind you.
“Don't be so modest. I barely helped at all.” Crowley picked up his drink and walked towards the Doorway. “Hello, boys.”
He turned to you and eyed you up and down.
“Hello, darling.” He said seductively. You could literally feel Sam’s anger. You rolled your eyes at Cowley and Walked back to the kitchen to put the chips away. You turned back towards them and leaned on the counter.
Crowley walked into the study. “Go on tell them.”
“Tell us what” Sam asked.
Bobby sighed “World's ending. Why should a soul matter?”
“You sold your soul?” Dean was shocked.
“It's More like loaned it. “ Crowley said
“Did you kiss him?” Sam asked
“NO!” Bobby exclaimed
Crowley Cleared his throat and showed the Picture.
Bobby looked ashamed.
“Ok, asshole. Give him his soul back now!” Dean stood up and started towards Crowley.
“I'm sorry. I can’t.” Crowley explained. “That's my insurance. The Winchesters are notorious for killing demons and the princess back there has killed more than I can count. You three won’t kill me as long as I have his soul. I fully intend to return it once this is over and I walk away alive. Deal?”
Everyone stayed quiet. It's not like you had a choice.
You just shook your head and walked outside. It was freezing, but you were so pissed and unsettled that the cold air felt good. You started walking, but you didn't know where to go, you just needed to get away. You started thinking about everything. Bobby’s Soul. Your heart started racing. The apocalypse. Your hands started shaking. Lucifer. Your knees went weak which caused you to fall. The cage… Sam, losing Sam. Your chest became tight. You tried to take deep breaths, but your lungs were working against you. As you started gasping for air you felt arms around you.
“You're ok. I'm here. It's ok Baby. Everything is going to be ok.” Sam’s whispered trying to comfort you “Deep Breath.” he did as he told you and you copied. He squeezed you tighter. “ Again. “ you took a deep breath with him again. “Keep going.” you both did again. He started humming an Elvis song. It was helping.
Your chest loosened. Your hand stopped shaking. Your heartbeat returning to normal.
“Thank you.”
“Not a problem. You know I got you.”
“Yea.” but for how much longer? You didn't want to think about it.
“Do you wana to talk about anything?”
“Not really. I'm going to go lie down.”
He stood up. You were still in his arms. You didn't have the energy to fight. He carried you into the house. You put your hand on his neck, covering your face with your upper arm. You didn't feel like talking to anyone.
Everyone was sitting at the kitchen table. Cas and Dean stood up dismay on their faces. “Is she ok?” you heard Dean ask.
“I think she might have had a slight panic attack,” Sam explained. He continued walking. “She seems better now. I'm gonna lay her in the spare bedroom.”
“Ok let us know if we can do anything,” Bobby called out. Sam nodded as he started up the stairs.
Sam laid you on the bed. You took the wet socks off your feet and he covered you with a blanket. You rolled onto your side facing him. He sat down on the bed beside you.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have called you I shouldn't have drug you into my shit.”
“Shut up Sam.” you grabbed him and pulled him down to you. He hesitated. “Samuel. I'm not ok with this whole plan, but if this is going to happen please just let me love you until you go.”
“It might just make it harder.”
“It's going kill me either way. Please?” you pleaded.
He gave in and laid down pulling you beside him. You laid half of your body on him with your head on his chest. “Ya know it's not just hard on you. I finally got you and now I’m going to jump into hell.”
You leaned your head up to look at his face. “So don't do it.”
He kissed your lips. “I'm sorry. You know I can't do that.”
You nuzzled your head back down on his chest. He was so brave, so heroic, he was putting everyone else before his happiness. You couldn't be mad at him for that. Those were some of the reasons you loved him. “I know babe. I know.” you closed your eyes. Listening to his heartbeat you drifted off to sleep.
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Dean was getting the Impala ready. Sam walked up and leaned on the side of it with a heavy sigh.
Dean leaned around the trunk, “Let me guess, we’re about to have a talk?”
“Look, Dean, I agree with you. You think I’m too weak to take on Lucifer. So do I. I know I’m a screw-up. You, Bobby, (y/n), Cas. I’m the least outta all of us.”
“Sam.”
“It’s True. And if there was another way I'd do it in a heartbeat. I don’t want to leave you guys and I do not want to hurt her again, but I don't think there's another way.”
“Annnnd scene.” Crowley was standing on the other side of the impala. “There's something you need to see.”
Sam read the headline Crowley pointed at. It was about the swine flu outbreak and how Niveus Pharmaceuticals was releasing a vaccine on Wednesday. Crowley helped them put together that Niveus was run by demons and the vaccine they were releasing was full of the Croatoan virus.
“Eh. Quite a plan.” Sam said
“So you boys better stock up on uh everything because come next Thursday we will be living in Zombieland,” Crowley remarked.
“Fucking great,” Dean said irate.
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Part 2
#sam winchester#sam and dean#sam x reader#spn reader insert#sam x femreader#sam fanfic#supernatural fic#fluff and angst#spn#supernatural#spnfandom#spn fanfic#supernatural fanfiction#supernatural sam#supernatural sam winchester#sammy winchester#the winchester brothers
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Hey there! 😀 Can I request two sets of headcanons about being Sam and Dean's twin sister?
"i was with you before we were even born"
Being the boy's twin
Dean
He’s older by like 5 minutes (he never lets you forget it)
You were both really close even as babies. I imagine there was a phase where if your parents separated you both for too long you would cry.
You both get closer after the fire. For the first few months, you would always curl up in the same bed together out of fear of the other one disappearing.
As a teen, you started to question your dad more and more about hunting. You're not as complacent as Dean is to John and his rules. This led to many arguments.
“Why can’t you just do as he says?” “Because Dad’s word isn't god Dean!”
He’d be just as protective over you as he is of Sam.
When Sam left for Stanford you and Dean started to take cases on your own.
You would try and sabotage any hookups he found in bars. You really hated having to go for ‘walks’ during said hookups. He got you back for it.
You both look very alike.
When it was just you and Dean hunting there were multiple times where people would mistake you for a couple of cases.
After your dad died you and Dean didn’t talk for a while. You both argued over why John did what he did and it led to one of your worst fights.
Bobby had to kick sense into you both.
You and Dean don’t fight often but when you do it's bad. When you were younger one time it got so bad that it took Sam yelling and walking out for you both to stop.
When Castiel came around you were unsure but after he saved you on a hunt you began to trust him.
Knowing Dean wasn’t ok after Hell and begging him to talk.
“Dean I know you're not ok.” You frowned and reached out to his arm. “You can talk to me, no one's gonna judge you.”
He did eventually tell you he remembered hell. He begged you not to tell Sam though. (You did tell Sam though)
Finding out about the whole vessel thing and freaking out.
“What do you mean vessels? Why is Heaven and Hell’s fight our issue?”
Since you and Dean were twins you both were classed as Micheal vessels.
You were adamant that Dean wasn’t doing it and he was the same about you.
This again led to another argument.
In the end, there was no way you were letting Sam walk into that fight alone so you ended up saying yes also.
Dean was pissed.
Dean begging for months after that Cas or someone would pull you both out of the cage. (Little did he know someone had)
You randomly appeared on Lisa’s doorstep 6 months later and Dean completely freaked.
After that, he barely let you out of his sight.
You didn’t tell him about Sam also being out (You knew something was wrong with your younger brother and you didn’t wanna worry Dean.)
Eventually reuniting with Sam and feeling so guilty when you found out he had no soul.
Dean insisted that it wasn’t your fault.
He helped you with nightmares from the cage. You found yourself sleeping in the same bed as him again.
Sam
You were older by like 10 minutes. You always teased him about it.
He got you back by teasing you over being short.
Neither of you have any memories of life before the fire so as children you used to both make up stories to help comfort each other.
These stories helped you both pretend that you at least knew your mom and what normal life was like.
You both kinda depended on each other growing up.
While you didn’t verbalise it like Sam, you also didn’t like hunting or the constant moving around.
You were a bit more of a social butterfly than your twin but you still struggled with having to make new friends constantly.
Like your brother, you were also quite smart and did well in school.
For a while, you wanted to be a doctor but knew realistically you had no chance.
As you got older you began to grow a slight resentment towards your dad for forcing you all into this life. One day after a bad hunt you snapped and told your dad how you felt. New’s flash it went really bad.
Your eyes widened as you realised what you had just said. Dean slowly pushed his arm in front of you urging you to move back as your Dad turned to face you. “What did you just say.” Your dad’s voice was hard as he took a step forward. You felt Sam pull you back further as Dean tried to defuse the situation.
After that things were awkward for a while. You went to go stay with Bobby much to Sam’s disdain.
You came back a year later when you were 17.
Things were ok until Sam left for Stanford. You were happy for him but also jealous that he was getting out and you weren't.
During that time you and Dean became close.
Reconnecting with Sam after your dad went missing and helping him when Jess died.
Feeling guilty when your dad died that you spent so much time resenting him (He apologised just before Azael came)
Unlike your brother, Azael didn’t do anything to you so you never had any issues with demon blood.
Convincing Sam that he wasn’t a monster.
When he died the first time you were inconsolable for days.
You and Dean arguing over Deans's deal.
Hating Ruby and knowing she was up to something. Her also causing you and Sam to fall out over his powers.
You and Dean both knew that while Sam was trying to do a good thing she was not.
Helping him with his guilt over Litlth and Lucifer.
Him and you making up after Rubys' death. This actually made you and Sam closer than ever.
Again having to convince him that he is not a bad person when the whole Lucifer and Micheal thing comes to light.
You’re the middleman in the situation. You spent most of your time trying to convince both your brothers not to say yes.
Convincing Dean but not managing to convince your twin.
Before saying yes Sam said that he wanted you to get out and have a normal life.
You were pretty heartbroken but after hanging around Dean and Lisa for a few months you ended up meeting someone (Lisa set you up but you don’t know that)
You both moved in together and you found yourself actually enjoying this normal life.
Then Sam appeared and you had to choose. Dean told you to stay but you knew you couldn’t leave Sam.
When you found out about Sam having no soul you felt so guilty.
“How didn't I realise sooner?” You sat down on the bed placing your head in your hands. Dean gently rubbed your back with a small sigh. “None of us knew. It’s not your fault.
You ended up kinda living two lives for the next year until Sam got his soul back and you realised living two lives was too dangerous. You broke up with him but you both ended up getting back together a few years later.
Sam was happy that you'd found someone and pushed for you to stay with him. But you knew your place was always gonna be with your brothers.
#supernatural#sam winchester headcanon#sam winchester x sister!reader#sam winchester x twin!reader#dean winchester x sister!reader#dean winchester#dean winchester headcanon#spn#jensen ackles#jared padalecki#dean winchester x platonic!reader#sam winchester x platonic!reader#sam winchester#spn headcanon#spn fanfic#dean winchester fanfiction#sam winchester fanfiction#sam winchester x reader#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester imagine#sam winchester imagine#.mine#.spn#.dean winchester#.sam winchester#.req
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oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.
recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)
because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.
and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).
Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.
at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.
something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.
Cas never knew.
Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.
but Cas never knew.
the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.
so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.
this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?
nah.
true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.
#beautiful and poignant messages in the 2005 CW cult classic dark fantasy show supernatural that they did by accident#like they literally showed how wrong cas was to believe that happiness ISN'T in the having aaaand qed dean loved him back#spn meta#destiel meta#castiel meta#mine.txt#destiel#supernatural meta#spn#supernatural#meta#messy thoughts#lol sorry for the tmi but i needed the lead up okay#i'm fine i knew#i was very much cas in this situation no hope of any other outcome#only he was wrong lmao#I think the way Cas scrunches up his face after Dean's 'don't do this Cas' is almost like that bittersweet regret.#that 'oh. if only we had known this sooner. if only it wasn't too late now.'#AND IT'S A LOT YOU GUYS#i do wonder if cas wouldn't made a different plan with different information#personally i don't think he'd've gone out like that if he understood that dean loved him too#like he saw the love in his eyes. but part of me thinks it was relief that this didn't make dean hate him.#but sometimes it's just bad writing and we can't ascribe conscious thought to an out of character decision lol#but i think after everything cas would've fought for the thing he never thought he could have#which is why in my fix it fic wip that i'll finish someday cas is like okay well. gotta get outta here now and kiss my mute coconut lol#i love them so much
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