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kuningannasansa · 5 years ago

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A musketeers rewatch (that nobody asked for) 1x08

In which Richelieu almost gets his husband killed

We start with Labarge (spl?) being escorted through the streets of Paris by musketeers. He is played by that guy who always plays violent brutes with few if any lines of dialogue.

Red guards show up and demand that the prisoner is handed over to them. Then Labarge beats the crap out of them until the musketeers intervene. Not before a red guard is killed thou. By another red guard attempting to strike at Labarge.

The dead man is called Captain Trudeau. And the red guard who killed him blames the musketeers.

Now they’re fighting each other! Male egos...

Treville says Trudeau was given fair warning and it’s his own fault he’s dead. Kind of harsh. Richelieu retorts that Treville had no business arresting a regional intendant without coming to him first. I’m really struggling to see Labarge in the role of regional intendant, but I guess that’s the point. Treville shoots back that he’s a violent criminal who subjected Gascony to a reign of terror. And Richelieu says that the man exceeded his authority and he was in the process of calling him back before the musketeers intervened. I know I’m supposed to take the musketeers side here, but I really see no reason to doubt Richelieu.

Treville is mad and says any of his musketeers could defeat any of the red guards and Louis immediately makes a bet! So there we are, that’s the plot sorted out. I love their bickering thou xD

Richelieu looks so panicked, poor dear! He knows he doesn’t stand a chance but he can’t afford to back down.

Constance and D’artagnan are being cute and domestic!

D’artagnan apologizes for the rent being overdue. Nice reference to the books! But in the books he doesn’t apologize, he is quite insulted that some commoner would even dare to bother him with such trivialities. Much more realistic to a noble of the era, but I guess not something a modern audience would sympathise with.

Here Bonacieux actually tells him off thou and that’s too far in the other direction, kind of takes me out of the story.

Treville is so excited about this contest! Bless!

The entry fee is 30 livres and our boys haven’t got it. It’s time to go womanizing! In the church.

Aramis knows all the women there, of course.

“It’s a requiem mass not a party at Madame Angel’s” - and then they cross themselves lol.

Labarge has destroyed D’artagnan’s farm “as a warning to other local landowners” because Dart’s father was “greatly respected”. But Dart had done nothing to him and his father is long dead? I don’t get this.

Porthos can’t lie for shit and Alice helps him out cause she fancies him! That’s cute!

Alice has put on a colourful dress and her maid is judging her.

Porthos says it must be great for her to have all of her husband’s things to remember him by and I thought he was talking of his own lack of things to remember his mother by but Alice responded by giving him her husband’s solid gold candle snuffer! So was he fishing for that the whole time? It really comes across more like he wasn’t but then took the opportunity.

D’artagnan proclaims he is ready and Athos just smiles. And proceeds to provoke him with tales of Labarge being comfortable in the Bastille with his “every whim attended to”. But we had a scene before of Labarge being fed disgusting prison food and talked down to by a guard, so not true lol.

Doesn’t stop D’art from barging into Richelieu’s office screaming thou.

Richelieu offers him patronage and D’art turns it down. This episode almost feels like the book.

“As a citizen of France I demand my rights” - you are a subject of the King. Shut up.

Milady overheard the whole thing!

“Your fascination with these musketeers seems inexhaustible.” - lol Armand, look who’s talking!

Milady: “I do everything for you.” Richelieu: “Permit me to doubt that.” - but in the last episode you trusted her to manage the Ninon thing even in the event of your death?

“There was a time I found your independence of spirit arousing. I must warn you, Milady, that time is now past.” - this line is gross and unnecessary. But also, what did she do between last episode and this one to change his opinion like that? I guess the writers just needed him to discard her for plot reasons, but it could have been better written.

Red guards arrest a protesting Bonacieux! This really is the book episode!

Bonacieux: “You want me to spy on him [D’art]?” Richelieu: “I can see you are a man of quick intelligence.”

Why is his office so huge and empty thou, with one little desk in it?

D’artagnan... steals a red guard uniform. And breaks into the Bastille. Wow, okay, totally forgot about that bit.

And he does the whole “my name is D’artagnan of Lupiac in Gascony” thing again. And tries to force a confession out of Labarge.

And Labarge would have killed him if Athos had not shown up.

Athos: “What did I tell you about thinking before you act!” D’artagnan: “I can’t help it, I’m not like you!” Athos: “You are, more than you know.” - oh, you mean you also didn’t think before you strung up your wife from a tree? Yeah, i see that.

A milathos scene! Athos says he won’t attack a defenceless woman and Milady laughs as though at the idea that she is defenceless, but it breaks my heart cause dude, you very much did do just that.

“I have to make a living somehow, what better patron could I have?” Milady says of Richelieu and she is right!

“I’m a soldier, just like you.” - YES! SHE IS!

She tries to come on to him for casual sex and he rejects her. With difficulty, but still :((

She gives him “fair warning” to stay away from her.

Papa Treville looks so proud looking at Athos and D’art training!

Richelieu tells Labarge that he “overstepped his limits” and “ruled Gascony like a petty tyrant”. Lebarge says he just gave people the needed encouragement to pay their taxes and Richelieu replies: “Perhaps if more of the taxes you collected had reached the treasury, I’d be inclined to overlook your excesses.” LOL!

Constance sells her stuff to get D’art the money. And then Milady gives it to him before she can. And D’art doesn’t decline even thou all he knows of her is that she left him to take the the blame for her murder and lied about Ninon. He literally doesn’t give a fuck as long as he can enter this fight!

Milady looks so pretty in this scene thou!

Porthos and Alice are getting on very well!

So Milady gave D’art some pendant with a flower on it together with the money as a “token of friendship” and now Bonacieux has nicked it.

D’art: “I found a patron of my own.” Aramis: “Wealthy widow?” D’art: “Not as far as I know.” - so like, with Milady telling her that her lover tried to kill her and Athos’s dead wife coming back from the dead to kill him and Athos clearly recognising the woman at Ninon’s trial, D’art still hasn’t had the penny drop? Or he has and just doesn’t want to tell Athos that he’s taking his wife’s money?

Aramis is the best shot, Porthos is the best at hand to hand combat and D’art does pretty well with the sword, but we don’t see Athos try that.

And Richelieu has commissioned Labarge! xD

Who beats the crap out of his other men. That can’t be good for morale! Like for real, what must the red guards be thinking? Richelieu has made a criminal who killed their captain the new captain! And mocks them publicly for not being as good as him in a fight!

The pendant is also now in Richelieu’s hands.

Treville was spying on Richelieu!

Bonacieux bought Constance a bracelet to celebrate his good luck of getting a contract. See, I love when the antagonists are not complete monsters and get human moments like this!

“Becoming a musketeer was the best thing that ever happened to me... until I met you.” - Oh Porthos! That was smooth!

And Alice offers to support him if he leaves the musketeers.

D’art is looking for his pendant and doesn’t tell Constance about it when she asks if he’s lost something. He knows he’s doing wrong but the glory is beckoning so he can’t help it.

Constance runs after him to give him a goodbye kiss and Bonacieux sees them. That’s what you get for flaunting your affair in the open street. I mean, even if he hadn’t been there, these other people are all her neighbours, who would gossip.

Treville nominates himself and the musketeers are like “this is bullshit”. I don’t blame them. But Papa is just trying to protect them and he knows he’ll get their resentment as a reward! So sad!

“Was your life so bad, Constance? Was I ever cruel to you, did I beat you?” - this is good writing. It would have been so boring if they had made him into a physically abusive brute.

Threatening her with killing D’art isn’t cool thou!

Athos accuses Treville of having a midlife crisis and wanting “one last moment of glory”. And when he leaves, Treville just rubs his face and he looks so tired!

And Constance breaks up with D’art! Meaning he loses the fight and her on the same day, I do feel bad for him.

Constance is right to point out that she has a lot more to lose here thou!

Treville’s plain brown tunic looks really bad without the cape over it. But the tunic he’s looking at in preparation for the fight looks better at least.

There are only two little stands of courtiers, but it could be worse.

“You only needed 30 livre, not a wife” - Aramis, you gentleman.

Treville’s fighting outfit looks good, I was right. But he is getting his ass kicked. What must Richelieu be thinking! I don’t think he knew Treville would be the one to face Labarge.

I went back to check and we don’t get his reaction to Treville’s name. But when Labarge is announced he doesn’t look particularly happy.

He also looks very distracted when the King addresses him during the fight.

Treville stops to grin at the King while Labarge is getting his breath back and Labarge attacks when his guard is down. He’s done for!

D’art steps in and in 30 seconds flat it becomes an all out brawl between the musketeers and red guards.

Louis says that Labarge broke the rules and Treville may nominate a champion. So D’art gets his turn to shine. But what rules? Attacking when Treville was not looking? Stepping on Treville’s shoulder with his foot? I guess Louis can make up the rules as he goes along lol xD

I feel sorry for poor Treville, being utterly humiliated!

And Labarge shouts that he did burn D’art’s farm down right in the middle of the fight. A confession in front of the King. He’d be dead even if he won!

D’art kills him and Louis declares the musketeers the winners. And takes the prize money for himself because “rules were broken and we do need to collect our taxes somehow.”

“I admire loyalty, more than any other virtue” - that’s true I think? I think it holds up during the show, but I’m not a Louis expert lol.

At least he makes D’art a musketeer finally! And D’arts teary face and all the hugging is quite moving.

Milady in her pretty red dress gets told off by the cardinal. I love how he says “comtesse de la fere”, but he does ask an important question. Why did she give D’art money to compete? Because Richelieu threatened her at the beginning of the episode and she was looking for a new prospect? She tells him she wants to bring him over to “their side” but that doesn’t square with giving him money to win his musketeer commission lol. Well, Armand, that’s what you get for threatening your employees I guess.

And Alice and Porthos break up because she can’t handle that much excitement and he can’t give up soldiering.

Porthos and Aramis share a cute moment.

D’art moves out with some poisonous words for Constance. I can’t really blame him in the heath of the moment, but if memory serves he never really apologised while she did.

And Constance sees him with Milady! And closes the curtain before she can see him tuning her down! Poor Constance!

And poor Milady! Her position with the Cardinal depends on this and he doesn’t give a fuck now he’s a musketeer.

Overall this was a very good episode. Such a relief after last time. Next up, the stupid assassination attempt on the Queen. Oh joy!

Red guards killed: Captain Trudeau

Women killed: none! yay!

Best dressed: Milady and Richelieu! Look, they match!

#i wish i could get a clearer picture but this scene is moving all the time ughh #the musketeers #milady de winter #cardinal richelieu #trevilieu #captain treville #porthos #musketeers rewatch

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weremarkable · 6 years ago

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LA Confidential - nice read and pictures 👌

Corduroy jacket, $2,730, and pants, $795, both at Ermenegildo Zegna; rollneck sweater, $185, by Mr P. at mrporter.com

Oh, it was such a sleepy, idyllic town until Armie Hammer came along with those chiseled charms of his. Eighteen months ago, the Italian city of Crema drew occasional visitors for its sweet ravioli and the Gothic 17th-century bell tower in the piazza. But then something positively scandalous happened involving an overripe hollowed-out peach, and Crema was anonymous no more. 😄

If you’ve seen Call Me By Your Name, you’re aware of the indelible moment in which Hammer plays erotic muse to last year’s juiciest moment in film. To sidestep spoilers, let’s just say that Timothée Chalamet, Hammer’s young costar in the coming-of-age drama, discovered a fruit-forward way of quenching his desire for Hammer’s character. Heaps of award nominations (including a Golden Globe nod for Hammer’s performance) and a global invasion of drosophilalike movie tourists followed.

“I went back to Crema after Call Me By Your Name had already come out, and walked into the duomo, which had been so calm and lovely when we filmed,” Hammer, 32, says, shaking his head a little in the courtyard of a Hollywood hotel. At 6 feet, 5 inches with bright blue eyes and a polished smile, the movie star in the conversation is impossible to mistake for someone else. “A few girls were standing together looking at their phones, and one of them looked up at me and just went, ‘Holly f---! There he is!’ And I thought, That’s it. Everything’s different here now.”

Donegal cableknit sweater, $595, paulsmith.com

You could say that about Hammer too. The actor noticed a change at the Oscars last year. The first time he attended, in 2011, to support The Social Network (through the magic of split screens, Hammer played both of the Winklevoss twins, who claimed the Facebook idea was theirs), he felt lost in the blur. “You’re on the red carpet looking around at all the insanity going, ‘What the hell?’” he says. “It was like being in a car accident.” But last year, the experience was one to savor. “I walked into a situation where suddenly I’d done a lot of work with a bunch of different people, and it was all, ‘Hey, how are you?’ ‘Oh, wow, great to see you.’ ‘Isn’t this fantastic?’”

Hammer’s orbit continues to widen. This season, he appears opposite Felicity Jones and Justin Theroux in On the Basis of Sex, a biopic directed by Mimi Leder about the life of Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Hammer plays Marty Ginsburg, a husband-of-the-century type who cooked and cleaned, and also argued cases alongside his wife in support of her pioneering legal career. “I talked to a lot of Marty’s law students and family members, and said, ‘Be totally honest—he couldn’t have been as great a guy as we’re making him out to be,’ and they all said, ‘You’re right. He was better.’ What the hell do you do with that as an actor?” Hammer obviously figured it out: The role is getting early Oscars buzz in the best supporting actor category.

Hammer portrays another dedicated family man in Hotel Mumbai, based on the terrorist attacks in 2008 at Taj Mahal Palace Hotel in India. It costars Dev Patel. Hammer’s character has to make a Sophie’s Choice-style decision about whether to protect his wife or the child he’s separated from. The production shot in Adelaide, Australia, shortly after Hammer wrapped on those magical months in the Italian countryside. “I went from riding a bicycle in paradise and drinking wine at lunch to getting chased down the hallway by guys with machine guns,” he says. “At a certain point, you just go, ‘Acting is a really weird job.’”

Replica leather trench, $4,980, by Maison Margiela at Barneys New York; classic T-shirt, $335, at Louis Vuitton; wool trousers, $225, by Mr P. atmrporter.com; L.U.C XPS 1860 timepiece in rose gold, $21,700, by Chopard at Neiman Marcus; Tyler lace-up boots, $318, at Frye.

On the surface, you would think Hammer could have chosen any career—or none at all—and done quite well for himself. It’s not just that he clearly won the DNA lottery; he’s good-looking enough to attract giddy triple-takes even among the blasé hipsters at the hotel. But Hammer is also—brace yourself if you haven’t heard—part of a storied dynasty. His great-grandfather was the Russian-American petroleum baron and philanthropist Armand Hammer, whose name is emblazoned upon buildings and institutions such as the Hammer Museum and Armand Hammer Golf Course in Los Angeles. This is the tycoon who traded caviar and furs with Vladimir Lenin in exchange for American wheat shipments and later bought the company that manufactures Arm & Hammer baking soda, mainly because he got a kick out of the name. Google around and you’ll see images of adorable little Armie—born Armand Douglas Hammer—on Great-grandpa’s private jet.

What’s interesting is how the family legacy shook out. Armie’s parents, Michael Armand Hammer and Dru Ann Mobley, now divorced, relocated the family to the Cayman Islands from Texas and Los Angeles when Armie was 7 and his younger brother, Viktor, was 5. Although the Hammers are mostly of Jewish descent, Armie’s parents identified as Christian evangelicals, and, while in the Caymans, founded Grace Christian Academy, which the Hammer boys attended, and the Christian Communications Association, a not-for-profit Christian radio station. When Armie announced he wanted to pursue a life in show business and left high school to follow his acting dreams, he was effectively disowned for the decision. Ironically, Hammer’s first significant role, at 22, was in a biopic of the young Billy Graham. “When I first got into this, the reaction was basically, ‘Are you out of your mind?’” Hammer says. “But when [my parents] saw how hard I was willing to work and how passionate I was, and that this wasn’t just a fad, they said, ‘OK, we get it.’”

Hammer insists he’s been independent financially since he was 19, and that’s been a prime motivator as he’s shouldered his way through hits and misses (The Lone Ranger and The Man From U.N.C.L.E. were supposed to be his megabudgeted star vehicles; they weren’t.) “I’m so thankful that from a young age, I’ve never had to take anything from anybody. You never get to take money without something attached to it, so I didn’t want those encumbrances. I wanted to live my life without anyone telling me what to do, and that’s meant everything.”

Donegal cableknit sweater, $595, paulsmith.com; crew neck T-shirt, $55, Vince.

Hammer and his wife of eight years, food TV personality Elizabeth Chambers, have a daughter, Harper, 4, and son, Ford, 2, who travel on locations with Hammer when he’s not dadding around L.A. “I do a good portion of the school runs, and I cook breakfast for everybody every morning because it’s not like I have a 9-to-5—and also, I love it,” says Hammer, who collects vintage typewriters and won’t say no to a good cupcake (the couple owns two high-end bakeries in San Antonio, where Chambers grew up, and Dallas).

In between the cooking and baking, Hammer finds time for Hollywood. This year, he appears opposite Dakota Johnson in a horror-thriller by British-Iranian director Babak Anvari. “I play an empty shell of a man who works at a dead-end job at a dive bar in New Orleans, which was surprisingly enjoyable to do,” Hammer says. He’s also starring in a remake of Rebecca, Alfred Hitchcock’s first Hollywood film, with Lily James. The film shoots in London, which, unlike that serene village in Italy from Call Me By Your Name, maybe—just maybe—can handle “the Hammer effect.”

PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIKE ROSENTHAL; STYLING BY MARK HOLMES; GROOMING BY KC FEE AT THE WALL GROUP; SHOT ON LOCATION AT VILLA CARLOTTA, LOS ANGELES

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chiseler · 6 years ago

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Franklin Pangborn: Only Yesterday

There is a 1927 photograph of Franklin Pangborn with his parents, both of whom had strongly disapproved of his acting career when he was first starting out. His father appears distant and uncomfortable, but Pangborn’s mother, who looks a bit like him, is smiling in the same “switched on” way he is. This photo expresses the complex and tense position that Pangborn was in as a performer who was less able to hide his homosexuality than other character actors of the time like Edward Everett Horton, whose dithering didn’t have that flamboyant edge that outed Pangborn nearly every time he appeared on screen.

Pangborn was born in 1889, and he left home to go on the stage as a young man and played Armand in Camille, if you can imagine that. He served in World War I and finally moved out to Hollywood in the mid-1920s, where he made his feature debut in Exit Smiling (1926), a backstage comedy in which he was a fussy leading man menaced on stage by Beatrice Lillie in male drag. In Getting Gertie’s Garter (1927), Pangborn sends mixed signals as the dim-witted, nervous Algy Brooks, who at one point accidentally rubs a man’s foot and looks ecstatic about it, as if his desire can only be fulfilled by mistake. Later in the film, when he has been manhandled by Gertie (Marie Prevost), Pangborn’s Algy cries, “I like rough girls, do it again!” This film seems to suggest that the best bet for feminine Algy would be to get himself a masculine woman to marry.

Pangborn dominates his sections of King Vidor’s Not So Dumb (1930) as Vincent Leach, an ambitious scenarist who swoons when he hears “Liebestraum” played on a piano and regales guests at a house party for nearly two hours with the story of the new movie he is working on, an epic morality play called Sin. Pangborn’s default mode here and in many other films is disapproval, even when there is nothing to disapprove of, and this hypercritical gay culture vulture outsider spirit is often mocked by Pangborn’s films but sometimes taken seriously.

Pangborn attempted to butch it up as a guy named Sport in Tay Garnett’s Her Man (1930), and he almost gets away with it, though not quite. But then in John M. Stahl’s Only Yesterday (1933), Pangborn is seen on the day of the stock market crash of 1929 with a good-looking younger man who seems to be his boyfriend or boy toy. “Oh, that silly stock market,” he says dismissively before peering at a painting in a window. “I say, Thomas, look at that heavenly blue against that mauve curtain…doesn’t it excite you?” he asks. “You know, blue like that does something to me.”

When he goes to a party with the comely and “sensitive” Thomas, Pangborn’s character says that he designed the house they are in, and he knowingly tells his young companion that the bedroom is “a sensation.” In the Pre-Code Only Yesterday, Pangborn actually gets to be a confident, appealing, sophisticated urban gay man with a sex drive, but with censorship he found himself more often playing small roles as hotel managers and tailors and hair dressers who were always in a “nervous nelly” tizzy.

As a theatrical producer in Design for Living (1933), Pangborn is handed a play by Miriam Hopkins, who tells him, “I’m sure you’ll adore it, it’s a woman’s play.” He blanches at that and signals, “I’m vaguely offended and perplexed,” as he always does on screen when people regard him as female. Pangborn gets flustered when a busty chambermaid comes on to him in Flying Down to Rio (1933), where he seems to be wearing make-up as a hotel manager named Mr. Hammerstein who was “imported from Switzerland” to “enforce discipline.” He runs the treasure hunt at the start of My Man Godfrey (1936) and asks William Powell if he can check his facial stubble to see if it is real, a flimsy pretext for caressing Powell’s face that Pangborn immediately thinks better of, moving his hand away as if it might get burnt. This is a moment that expresses Pangborn’s trapped urge for tenderness better than any other.

He sold hats in Easy Living (1937), and the usual Pangborn schtick was firmly in place by this point: the use of pretentious words, a love of beauty and artificiality for their own sake, and fuming that is a stand-in for his sexual tension. (When a door hits his ass here, he reacts as if he has been goosed.) Pangborn’s Harcourt in Stage Door (1937) is the perfect butler, walking backwards on tiptoe and willing to be a public beard for his boss Tony Powell (Adolphe Menjou) and the various women that Tony sees. He was an orchestra leader in Joy of Living (1938) who swoons in response to Irene Dunne’s singing, and then in The Bank Dick (1940) with W.C. Fields he played his most convincing heterosexual, a drained little man named J. Pinkerton Snoopington who does everything by the book.

“Swish swash!” Pangborn cries as a producer in another film with Fields called Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941), but then he set Bette Davis up with Paul Henreid in Now, Voyager (1942), and so it should be remembered that it is a gay guy who makes sure that Davis’s repressed Charlotte Vale finally gets laid. In Stage Door Canteen (1943), Pangborn washes dishes with Johnny Weissmuller and cries, “My goodness, but it’s hot in here!” When Weissmuller takes off his shirt, Pangborn is overcome. “Oh my, what a chest!” he marvels, and then he tries to make the joke about his own lack of manliness by attempting a Tarzan yell in a soprano voice before he faints and Weissmuller catches him.

Pangborn worked five times for Preston Sturges in the 1940s, most felicitously in Christmas in July (1940) as a self-infatuated radio announcer, but he was stuck mainly in “fume and then fume even harder” bits, and by the 1950s his career on screen largely dried up. He appeared sometimes on television and was the original announcer for The Jack Paar Show in 1957 before he was replaced by Hugh Downs. Pangborn died in 1958. Not nearly enough is known about his life, though he did live with his mother and an “occasional boyfriend” according to William Mann’s Behind the Screen. What kind of personal life did he have? And what did he feel about the parts he was given to play? Pangborn was friends with Edna May Oliver and Edward Everett Horton, and it’s pleasant to imagine him cruising for sailors with Horton.

If Pangborn was starting out on his career today, he would most likely be cast in similar roles, but contemporary comedies are so crude that he would probably be reduced to bathroom humor and jokes about gay sex for laughs. Maybe Pangborn would have been happier in the more open social atmosphere of today, but in his day he was a part of some of the best films ever made in this country, and in Only Yesterday he hinted at what might have been for him on screen.

by Dan Callahan

#Dan Callahan #The Chiseler #Franklin Pangborn

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housewifekiki · 6 years ago

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HI HELLO, ¡HOLA! How have you all (Blogtress included duh) been??? Tis been SO long since I’ve dropped by to chat & as much as I wanna know all the tea™️ (like who is this new goth girl, has Kiki finally decided to give Wes a sister, did Wes just decide to give himself a daughter, is Collette still the sweetest lil bun on the planet, has Joss seen his soulmate again, have Harlan & Brianna had more pregnancy scares), I really needa know if Harvey has watched Diablero yet. (Blogtress too!)-Lily😈

The new Goth girl, Armanda is her name, she was in my AP Bio class last year I got interested in her when I heard her name because I thought she too was the child of a fan of vampire horror erotica. Turns out she was named after Armanda Degli Abbati and not The Vampire Armand AKA Amadeo AKA Andrei. So my pickup lines based on shared life experience of being named after one half of a couple with so few brain cells they decided to take their vampire asses to live in Miami didn’t work out. It’s OK though, cause we’re still hooking up and she knows so many things about the world like she’s always reading and her mom’s a screenwriter so any time we watch a horror movie she knows all these cool facts. She’s just really chill and it’s so easy to hang out with her.

I’m still not sure what I’m going to do about my eyebrow. I thought piercings were supposed to close, it’s not closing. Do I have to show up at the country club with this on me?

-Daniel

WES IS NOT GETTING A SISTER. THE BABY MAKING FACTORY IS CLOSED. AM I A BIT UPSET I NEVER GOT TO HAVE MY PENNY LANE OR ZOE SHORT FOR ZODIAC OR MY EUDOXIA OR ANY OF THE GIRL NAMES HARVEY AND I HAD AGREED ON BEFORE WE FOUND OUT THE GENDER? YES. DID AFTER I GAVE BIRTH TO DANIEL AND HARVEY AND I DECIDED THAT WE DIDN’T WANT MORE KIDS, I GOT A BIT TEARY EYED AT ALL THE DAUGHTERS IN MOMMY AND ME YOGA WHO WORE MATCHING OUTFITS WITH THEIR MOMMIES? YES. DO I GET A THRILL BUYING PINK UGGS FOR COCO? YES.

I’m trying!!! I told Summer in 2020 I want our baby to be born, in 2020 I want to physically hold my baby in my arms. She said OK, we can start trying in the summer of 2019. Obviously, I can’t pick and choose if it’s a girl or not but there are a few tips and tricks online based on old wives tales for increasing your chances of having a boy or a girl and you best believe that I will be doing all of them that I can (and so will Summer) to ensure I have a daughter.

And if it’s a boy that’s perfect because I’m going to love my baby no matter what. Plus, Summer and I agreed on four kids, what are the odds of them being all boys?....I really hope the odds aren’t high on that.

-Wes

Colette is still the most precious and cutest baby in the whole entire world!!! Even though she’s not really a baby anymore because she’s going to be two in three weeks!!! She’s going to be a whole toddler!!!

But still an angel!! Even if the only thing she did today was lounge around in her robe and eat pink Cheerios straight out of the box while watching Peppa Pig. She didn’t even want any milk to go along with it. It was straight Cheerios except for when I ordered boba and she snatched her rose milk boba and went straight back to her Peppa Pig. If you tried to get her to do anything else, she gave you her Coco glare and you walked away.

She’s becoming more aware of her power and the world isn’t ready for it.

-Micah

I HAVEN’T SEEN HER AND I EVEN BEEN TRYING!!! I SAW HER ON THE BUS TO THE MALL AND I’VE BEEN HANGING OUT AT THE MALL ANY CHANCE I GET!!! STREAM JAMES BLUNT YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!!!!

-Joss

Briana Joo and I have not!!! Because we now spend most of our time in two different states living out our college dreams. Can’t have a pregnancy scare through phone sex although if technology ever goes that far I can promise you Briana Joo and I will be the unknowing guinea pigs for it.

-Harlan

I’ve watched Diablero twice through and I really enjoy it! It’s the urban fantasy Mexican buddy cop show I never knew I needed. Much better than that Supernatural show Micah tried to get me to watch.

I hope Son Hee and Elvis give us a good bellieregent sexual tension coupling and that Netflix doesn’t break my heart with this show like they did with so many others. I’m already fearing for Siemper Bruja and it hasn’t even aired yet.

-Harvey

I’VE WATCHED AND I LOVED IT ALTHOUGH I HAVE (vegetarian) BEEF WITH IT!!! HOW CAN YOU BE PUTTING CHRISTOPHER VON UCKERMANN AS A PRIEST? WHEN MY RBD FANGIRL SELF FOUND OUT HE WAS ON THE SHOW I WAS EXPECTING HIM TO BE A SEXY DEMON YOU KNOW LIKE AN INCUBUS NOT A WHOLE PRIEST!!! I CAN’T EVEN GO DAMN HE HOT AS HE WAS BACK IN RBD BECAUSE I FEEL WEIRD BUT HE STILL FINE. STILL MY SECOND FAVOURITE SCANDINAVIAN-LATINO. BECAUSE TO PARAPHRASE THE WORDS OF THE RBD GIRL MEMBERS EU NUNCA FUI SANTA.

I AM ALSO TRYING TO COP EVERY ONE OF KETA’S OUTFITS. AND NANCY MAKES ME REGRET CUTTING MY HAIR SO SHORT, I COULD BE HAVING THAT LONG FLOWING DEMÔNIA HAIR INSTEAD HAVING THIS BOB THAT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE I’M AUDITIONING FOR THE BROWN BRAZILIAN VERSION OF DOWNTON ABBEY BUT THAT’S A WHOLE OTHER THING.

DIABLERO IS AMAZING AND I DEMAND MORE OF IT AND I’M ALREADY COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS UNTIL SIEMPER BRUJA AIRS BECAUSE URBAN TIME TRAVEL FANTASY INVOLVING A BLACK SOUTH AMERICAN??? THAT IS E V E R Y T H I N G. EVEN IF WAKING UP IN CARTAGENA WITH NO MEMORY OF THE NIGHT BEFORE IS A SOUTH AMERICAN RITE OF PASSAGE AT THIS POINT BUT A TIME TRAVEL SPIN AND WITCHES???

I’M JUST IN LOVE OBRIGADO NETFLIX PARA ALIMENTAR MINHA ALMA LATINA QUE É ALUCINADA COM FANTASIA URBANA.

-the Blogtress

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marvelouss-marvel · 7 years ago

Text

Fourth Times a Charm?

Word Count: 3.8k

Pairing: Michael B. Jordan x OC!Black!Reader (featuring three of OC’s ex boyfriends)

Summary: Reader hasn’t had the best experience when it comes to guys. So, she vows to not be with anybody for as long as she lives. However, Michael stumbles into the picture and she finds it hard to stay away from him when he’s head over heels for her and proves that he is nothing like her past relationships.

A/N: This took me about a month to write because it was a bit difficult for me to relive these experiences. All three tales of the OC during their teenage years are based on my personal tales with guys. The only false part of this fic is when Michael comes in. And, based on the summary, I might do a part two. This fic will remind you guys that there is always hope for you, no matter what you experience.

Masterlist

AGE 13

The first time Victoria had her heart broken was in eighth grade. His name was Armand and he wasn’t the cool kid he put out to be. In fact, the majority of the Eastside Middle School despised him because of his cocky attitude and irritating methods of fitting in.

Victoria, on the other hand, was completely different. Sure, she disliked Armand like everyone else but she was willing to give him a chance that school year. One day, he came in to social studies with watery eyes and a stuffy nose, defining his poor physical health at the moment. By the time the last bell rung, he was exiting the school with a smile on his face because a certain girl had given him her number as a way to communicate when he would feel better.

And so began the relationship of Victoria and Armand.

The two would spend hours on the phone discussing childish topics such as their favorite show on Disney Channel to who liked who at Eastside. It also got to a point where Victoria’s nosy family had short conversations with Armand on what his intentions were with her and each member would hand back the phone, wearing a smirk as they exited the room because for once, Victoria was happy.

School was even better. Armand would wrap his arm around Victoria’s shoulders to claim what was rightfully his and she would peck him on the cheek for the girls who watched with envy. He often passed her folded pieces of notebook paper entailing how pretty she looked that day or roasting the teacher just to get a giggle out of her. To top it all off, friends of Victoria and Armand supported the relationship nonetheless, for they felt that Victoria could change his arrogant behavior.

But like any other couple, they faced their problems.

The relationship did have its moments where sexual tension escalated for Armand and actions were paused by Victoria. She’d been raised in a family where everyone believed sex only took place during marriage and at an age this young, she was questioning right from wrong. The positive side won and the furthest she would ever go with Armand was making out with him, excluding so-called hickies. Of course, Armand didn’t like this idea.

By their third month of dating, Victoria’s strong liking for Armand had diminished. She noticed that he never attended her soccer games like he claimed he would. He stood her up at one of the monthly school dances and lied to her about why he couldn’t attend the roller skating field trip with her and the rest of their classmates. Lastly, Victoria often found herself standing in front of the mirror, glaring at the baby fat Armand pointed out to her one day as she sat and ate her usual meal for lunch: peanut butter and jelly sandwich with Cheetos and a Capri Sun.

Having enough of this, she ended things with Armand through text. Some would call her coldhearted for doing so but she had been trying to reach him all day. The original plan was to meet up and explain that the both of them weren’t ready for the relationship Armand longed for and that maybe they could continue being friends. That went out of the window when Armand sent back a single, “I’m busy right now” text and Victoria was furious. The only option left was to text him.

You might be wondering how Victoria was the broken hearted one but there’s more.

Not even a day after she ended things with Armand, he was already with someone else by the name of Rebecca. She was your typical popular girl who looked down on people like Victoria and supposedly from Victoria’s friends, Rebecca had made subtle passes at Armand during his relationship with Victoria. And Armand did the same.

She came home from school in tears, ran up to her bedroom and slammed the door closed. Her mom poked her head into the cold, dim room that belonged Victoria, heart shattering at the sight of her child in distress.

“He told me that he’s with her because she would do anything he asked. I wasn’t comfortable with all of that sex stuff so that’s why I broke up with him.” Victoria hiccupped. “I thought he would be understanding! Not throw it back in my face that I needed to be like her!”

Her mom sat in silence, rubbing Victoria’s back in comfort as she listened to her rant. Once she calmed down, she finally spoke. “Armand isn’t understanding because no one is there to guide him on how to treat a girl. Still, his excuse is bad but just know that it’s not the end of the world Sweetie. Maybe this was God’s way of showing you to not go after guys like Armand. There are better boys out there.” she explained. “Besides, you are too young to be serious with dating. You’re only just entering your young adult life.”

Victoria knew she was right. For there were more boys to enter her life and she shouldn’t be stressing over a douche like Armand.

AGE 16

The second guy to shatter Victoria’s heart was Nickolas. Their relationship was… hard to describe. No one knew exactly what they were but that the two harbored a huge crush for one another.

It all began when Elaine, Nick’s twin and Victoria’s best friend, set her brother and Victoria up on a double date to the school carnival. While she and her girlfriend rode in one cart to the top of the Ferris Wheel, Victoria and Nick sat in another cart with awkwardness hovering above them. It was when Victoria mentioned how pretty the lights looked from up above did the strange silence disappear. Turns out, Nick liked the lights too and they discussed how at peace they felt up in the air and away from the life below them.

But Victoria didn’t know if they were talking or not. By their third double date with Elaine and her girlfriend, Victoria believed she had to ask him the dreadful question people seemed to avoid: what were they?

“I like what we have right now.” Nick answered with his arms embracing Victoria as she laid on him and his fingers maneuvered the game controller in his hands.

“Hm.” Victoria responded.

“What?”

“Nothing. I guess I like this too.” she said, nuzzling her face into his chest. It didn’t really answer her question but she went along with it. She confirmed in her head that because she and Nick were so socially awkward, they must have been talking but didn’t flat out say it.

That day happened to be a warning sign however. The red flags were waving wildly but Victoria was too oblivious to decipher their meaning.

In the year and a half she spent “talking” to Nick, he had fucked up at least three times. The first being that he refused to attend their junior prom because his guy friends weren’t going and that left Victoria to attend the dance with a good guy friend of hers. The second time, he ditched her at the homecoming dance their senior year to be with said guy friends and saw nothing wrong with pushing his date aside. The third time took place on Valentine’s Day where Elaine passed the message on to Victoria about her twin not planning on asking her to be his girlfriend anytime soon. This especially made Victoria question everything about her and Nick but like always, she wanted to see things for herself.

Senior prom was where everything came to an end. After a full night of Nick showing he wasn’t up to slow dancing and ignoring her to chit chat with the popular kids they were seated with, Victoria questioned the post high school life to see if there was still hope for a relationship.

“Of course we’ll still talk after high school!” he chuckled. “We’ll still be friends!”

Friends. That’s all Victoria was to him. Had he forgotten their first date? Why did he throw so many adoring compliments her way when she looked her best? What did they title the year and a half they spent hugging one another and pushing others away who threatened to sabotage their status?

She wanted to say more but remembered that she was cold because she had given her shawl to a friend who desperately needed to cover the protruding breasts a chaperone tended to keep his eyes on throughout the night. So, she hugged him goodbye for the evening, knowing in reality that this would probably be the last hug she shared with Nick. After his response, she refused to show him anymore affection.

The following week, Victoria would learn that Nick had started talking to somebody else when she needed support from a friend during her orchestra concert. She would later learn on Instagram that Nick and the girl confirmed their relationship. She would later learn that Nick wasn’t a true “friend” because he had never been honest with his feelings for her.

AGE 18

The last guy to screw things up was Miles Donahue, the pretty face at Lincoln High School. Three years ago, Miles and Victoria were the definition of a couple that talked. Or, they were supposed to be the definition but because Miles hung out with the wrong crowd and Victoria was going down a positive path to graduate high school, things ended abruptly.

To this day, the story is still unclear on how their past ceased. All Victoria remembers is her asking Miles to see a movie, which caused her to be left on read. Miles remembers a time where he sent a text asking Victoria if she could meet him by the bleachers during a baseball game. There were more texts sent afterwards but neither can recall where things went wrong. Instead of feeling anger, the two laughed about this as they strolled down the chilly streets of downtown Minot.

It’s been a couple of weeks after graduation and Miles wanted to reveal his feelings for Victoria before he left for college. Even before she met up with the star quarterback, Victoria had a feeling he wanted to discuss their past. After all, he spent the majority of their high school career ignoring her until senior year where he began dropping subtle hints that he wanted something.

She had been correct but still asked, “Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“I heard from your friends that a guy like me could ruin you. Plus, I thought you and Nick had thing going on?”

Victoria scoffed. “What Nick and I had wasn’t even a ‘thing’. The douche ended up catching feelings for other people but didn’t have the nerve to tell me.”

Miles winced at her choice of her words. Not once did he expect Lincoln High’s former Angel to say such things about someone. He always thought that pretty little head of hers was filled with butterflies and flowers, not moths and venus flytraps.

They continued on with their walk to nowhere in particular, words falling from their lips that should’ve come out a while ago. By the time they reached a church on the corner, their fingers were intertwined because enough had been said and Victoria wanted to finally be with the guy she was once crushing on.

They spent the last two weeks for Miles doing things any other couple would do; see the latest movies, take walks in parks, hang out at each others house, and run last minute errands together. Talk of a long distance relationship was discussed and Victoria believed that things would work out.

Like always for her, shit had to hit the fan.

The day Miles left, all of his friends came to bid him goodbye at the airport. Including his ex that supposedly “didn’t trust him”. He held on tightly to Victoria the longest though out of everyone, claiming he would miss her a lot.

Not even a week later, Miles was suggesting they be friends through text messages. Both had recently gotten out of relationships, even though what Nick and Victoria had wasn’t even considered dating. At first, Victoria could see Miles point and went along with his idea of just being friends. She believed they would eventually come back to being a couple, another thing Miles filled her head with.

None of that happened. For Miles was posting videos of him making out with different girls each night on social media, forgetting that Victoria could see all of this. She felt lead on and removed him from every social media account she had created.

The worst part? Miles never contacted her either.

PRESENT DAY, AGE 29

No one expected innocent Victoria to wind up at a place like the Bronzed Tankard, a well known bar in upstate New York. The principal announced at graduation that the pretty girl would be attending college to become a journalist and while that statement rang true to this day, it didn’t include her weekend visits to the bar.

She was a journalist but also a bartender who needed money for rent like every other adult living in an apartment. Sure, there was her roommate Janessa who helped out also but living in New York was like living in a mansion in Hollywood. So, together the girls worked at the Bronzed Tankard to pay for the rent.

While Janessa sorted out family problems with another co-worker in the kitchen, Victoria took over with serving the drinks to customers. It was going on 8:30 in the evening and the place was packed during this shift, like always. But with two years of working experience at Bronzed Tankard, Victoria could tackle huge crowds like a bartender at a club. She moved swiftly behind the bar, not once breaking a sweat as customers watched her in awe.

“Here you go, Finn.” she smiled at one of the regulars. “Are you sure you’re okay with doing this? The price will be mighty high.”

The man dismissed her with a playful wave. “Of course.” He turned around to face the packed bar and raised his arms above his head, shouting, “Drinks on me tonight everybody!” People cheered merrily at the wealthy man's declaration, Victoria joining in with them. She didn’t drink but the least she could do was encourage the man to keep his promise to everybody.

Two unfamiliar faces appeared from within the crowd, the atmosphere surrounding Victoria slightly shifting. One guy held a look of distress while the other, more than likely his best friend, seemed calm and collected. They approached the bar quietly, both not saying a word.

Since no one else seemed up for another drink, she pulled out a hand towel to wipe away the random wet spots all over the elongated counter. However, she still listened in on the new conversation before her.

“I don’t understand man. I thought that she was the one.” the saddened one expressed in a tone that told others he wanted to cry.

“We all think that, Ray. We all think that that one great person we meet will complete us. But you gotta look at it this way: if one door closes, another opens.”

The guy who went by Ray nodded along with his friend. “I guess so. It’s just… what went wrong? What did I do?”

“Nothing and you should never question that. Whether you hurt Janet or not, she shouldn’t have gone out and cheated on you. You know what they say, two wrongs don’t make a right. If you did hurt her, then cheating on you shouldn’t have been an answer. If you didn’t, cheating still shouldn’t have been the answer to solving whatever problem she had with you.”

“It’s the guy that bothers me the most. Looks like a freaking Brian White but darker.”

“Kofi Siriboe.”

“Nah, Brian White. You know, the dude from Stomp the Yard? Had that cameo in Daddy’s Little Girls? Come on man, you’re an actor.”

“I know I’m an actor and I also know my actors. You said he looks like Brian White but darker. Kofi Siriboe is like Brian White but the darker version.”

“No he’s not. Where the hell do you see that?”

“Everywhere! You don’t see it in the jaw line and the eyebrow shape? If you lighten him up a bit, he’ll look like Brian.”

“Drinks gentlemen?” Victoria intervened with two cloudy glasses in her hands. She placed them in front of the new customers and folded her arms across her chest. “I couldn’t help but listen to your predicament. Once I knew what was up, I knew that a drink was needed.” Which was true; the first sentence in the conversation is what had her pause her cleaning and do the mixing of ingredients for a calssic gin fizz.

Ray nodded in an appreciative manner as he took a glass. “Thank you.”

“No problem. A heartbreak like yours calls for a little kick to get your mind off the pain for a bit.” She still held the other glass and nodded to Ray’s friend. “Drink?”

“Oh, no thanks. But thank you anyways.” he waved her off with a smile.

“Pardon me for saying this but I’m assuming you went through this type of heartbreak?” Ray sipped, eyes shifting up at Victoria.

She shook her head. “Nope. But I wish I had thought of that solution at some point. Besides, I don’t drink.” Both men raised their eyebrows at her as if to question whether she was being honest. “I know it might sound like a little white lie, but it’s true. I tried drinking once and I’ve hated it since then.”

“Then why’re you here?” Ray asked.

“Somebody’s gotta pay the bills right? This place pays well, especially the tips.” Victoria smirked.

With his hand holding the glass still, Ray managed to point one finger at her with a smirk. “I like you. Would you mind setting me up with someone for the evening?”

“Only if you promise me that I don’t have to keep making gin fizzes all day tomorrow.”

“Deal.”

Victoria placed her hands on the counter and stretched her neck to look behind Ray and his friend. Her eyes moved about the room for any female in particular that she knew would need a quick round of bedroom fun.

Her eyes landed on a black woman with locs pulled away from her face up into a bun. “You see that lady over there in the orange and white striped shirt?” Ray rotated around in his seat to see where she was directing him. “She’s pretty cool and she’s been looking for a one night stand since last month. I promised to keep an eye out for her and you seem perfect.”

Ray nodded along with her words. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Now, go get em’ tiger!” She reached across the counter to pat him on the shoulder before he departed.

Once he disappeared into the crowd, Victoria turned back around to finish her chores. But this didn’t stop Ray’s friend from starting a conversation with her. “Hey, thanks for that.”

“Ah, it was nothing.” Victoria shrugged, placing the drinks back in their rightful spots.

“Nothing? You just set my boy up for a one night stand! That’s something I can’t do.”

“Can’t do? I promise you, I’ve seen many movies where the guy friend is successful enough to help his friend get laid for the night. How did you fail in this department?”

“I’ve lost my touch.” he admitted with a laugh and Victoria joining in. “I’m Michael, by the way.” He held out his hand for Victoria to take, which she happily did.

“Victoria.” She pulled away to finish wiping up the counters with her hand towel. “So, you must be new to this part of New York?”

“Nah, I’ve visited this part a few times while working. Ryan lives close by and suggested we come here tonight for him to talk things out. I’m glad he chose this place because a club is the last thing he needs.”

“I’ll agree with you on that.”

“How’d you know about the gin fizz though?”

“I’m not a bartender for nothing right? Obviously, I went to bartending school and they gave us some tips on the appropriate drinks to sell to customers.”

“Didn’t think things worked out for bartenders like that. I thought it was just the drinks you serve and that’s it.”

Victoria shrugged. “Well, all alcoholic beverages are different. But each one seems to have a purpose for being sold. Most drinks for heartbreak tend to be some sort of shot…”

Michael wasn’t even listening anymore. He watched her lips move as she explained the purposes of types of alcoholic beverages. His eyes caught the twitch in her lips as she tried holding back a smile for something she sounded passionate about. He thought it was cute.

“... and then there’s freaking liquor. Personally, I believe that’s for any wound. Whether it be physical or emotional. When you watch movies, the character has to be mad at the world when they pull out a thing of liq--”

“I’m sorry but when are you free?” Michael interrupted.

Victoria’s mouth was agape. “Excuse me?”

“When are you free? I know that right now you’re working, but I want to sit down and talk about this stuff with you.”

“It’s just alcohol.” she said, the statement sounding more like a question.

“It is. But, you seem intelligent when it comes to alcohol.” Michael shrugged.

“That’s not a legit reason for wanting to talk to me. It sounds ridiculous.”

“You right, you right.” Michael chuckled. “But, I want to thank you for what you’ve done tonight.” He swiveled in his seat to spot Ray and the girl hitting things off. “Ray’s like another brother of mine and when he told me about his ex, I didn’t really know what to do to cheer him up. Except talk to him but I think I would’ve made things worse at some point.”

Victoria studied Michael’s face. She could see that he cared deeply for his best friend and it warmed her heart to know all guys weren’t like Michael out there. Guys like him just wanted those close to him to be okay and not run around doing Lord knows what to hurt themselves and others.

“Um… okay.” she finally answered. Michael turned back to face her. “I’m supposed to be free right now but with the others in the back, I’m taking up their shift. Mind if I check my schedule?”

“Sure.” He reached into the side of his jeans to pull out his iPhone. “What’s your number?”

Victoria smirked before she gave him her digits. “I hope you’re not putting my number in there just to not call. I’d be wasting my time talking to you then.

“No need to worry about me Princess. I always keep my promises.” he genuinely smiled.

Tagging: @yourwonderbelle @90sinspiredgirl @artistic22dragon @mala-firebringer @teddyiam

If you would like to be tagged in more of my works, comment below!

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i-want-my-iwtv · 8 years ago

Note

I've been trying to read the whole vc series, but school and work just keep preventing me from getting really far! Is it ok to ask you to write a little summary for each book so I can catch up with the fandom until I have the time to read them all thoroughly?

Yeah, I understand, time is limited :P

I don’t know that summarizing VC will allow you to “catch up” with the fandom, you really only need to read the first 3 books and the Vampire Armand to get most of the jokes on tumblr, bc most of the jokes seem to center around:

Louis being a pyromaniac,

Lestat being an obnoxious but somehow lovable glittery murder machine,

Lestat and Louis being awesome and shitty murder dads,

Claudia being an ungrateful spoiled brat,

Armand being a little brat, or a slut, or an evul coven master, or all of the above,

Daniel Molloy just wanting to vampire plz!!!11!,

Marius being a pedo, or too bossy, or both,

Gabrielle is a bad mom and an ice queen,

Nicolas is spelled NICOLAS and he is NOT DEAD!,

Secondary characters not getting enough love from anyone!!

There are often spoilers in summaries tho, do you really want to be spoiled? I LOVE being spoiled.

We have these unreliable narrators, there is a lot of disagreement as to what canon really is, and some fans choose to ignore parts of (or entire books) in the series. We bring our own experiences to the reading, and we choose what to connect with, so I think we can agree on some things about each book, but you will probably get a different summary from any given reader. Even AR has told us to disregard the hybrid Mayfair/VC books (Blood Canticle, possibly Merrick and Blackwood Farm) when moving onto the more recent VC additions (PL and PLROA). So, for example, I have a friend who has only read the first 3 books. She doesn’t even know what happens after that bc she prefers to think it ended after QOTD. So any new vampires made after QOTD do not exist to her. #Your headcanon may vary.

Anyway, you want summaries.

http://vampirechronicles.wikia.com has a pretty good write-up for each of the books (they don’t have PL and PLROA currently, maybe they will eventually). It contains spoilers.

@vraik has thorough VC analysis in their series called The Consulting Analyst over on vraikaiser.com. Spoilers there, too.

@hyperbeeb‘s capsule reviews are pretty gr9 [X]:

Lestat’s Adventures with a Progressive Family

Lestat’s Bisexual Adventures in 18th Century France

Lestat’s Adventures with the Queen of the Vampires

Lestat’s Adventures as a Human

Lestat’s Adventures with Satan

Lestat’s Adventures in a Coma

Lestat’s Adventures with Polyamory

Lestat’s Adventures in the Deep South

Lestat’s Adventures with Not Being There At All

Lestat’s Adventures with Witches and Other Weird Shit

Lestat’s adventures with Being the Vampire Head of State

Lestat’s Adventures with Literal Fucking Aliens

(Note, Pandora and Vittorio are technically stand-alone “New Tales of the Vampires” books, but Pandora would be No. 6 of the 13 book series).

You can check my #VC Synopsis tag, which has more capsule humorous summaries.

Gonna try to do a little summary for each VC under the cut as a personal challenge.

Spoilers ahead! I’ll try to do this with as few spoilers as possible, as factually as possible.

1. Interview with the Vampire - Louis tells the story of his life and unlife to Daniel Molloy. Louis starts at the point in his mortal life just before he meets Lestat, and how his life up until that meeting influenced the unlife that followed after he became a vampire. Lestat’s reasons for choosing Louis are unclear to Louis, but he wants Louis to choose to be a vampire. Louis is under so much duress (failing health, still in emotional distress over his guilt re: a close family member’s death) that the choice is not 100% legit, Lestat can’t wait for a more opportune time and proceeds to turn Louis anyway.

The whole story could be seen as Anne Rice’s exploration of the role of religion and the reasons why terrible things happen to innocent people, the concept of punishment.

For me, it was also eye-opening bc I was 11 when I read it and it introduced the possibility of love between a same-sex couple, even if that was in more of a read-between-the-lines way.

It also has a child vampire and I hadn’t seen any media even attempt to tell a story with a child vampire before. Few media that attempt it seem to have captured the beauty and tragedy of such a creature as in this story, and she reappears in a few of the other VC. Unreliable Narrator thing that continues throughout the series.

^ok that was too long, I’m going for shorter.

2. The Vampire Lestat - Lestat seeks to “correct the record” that Louis laid out in IWTV by giving us his own backstory, starting at his mortal youth and how that influenced the unlife that followed when he became a vampire, against his will (hence the “I’m going to give you the choice I never had,” line from movie!IWTV). There is more exploration in the role of religion and reasons why bad things happen to basically innocent people, and whether you really can make the best of a shitty situation or just give up. More about punishment. A very unique take on the origin of the vampires as a species is revealed. And the reasons why Lestat behaved the way he did (basically all secretive) in IWTV. Unreliable Narrator thing that continues throughout the series, who are we to believe? Lestat or Louis? And the author’s retconning which is perceived as “making excuses later in canon for behavior that’s already happened.” Some readers really despise this. Personally, I like having the options and trusting one version of events, or none of them.

3. The Queen of the Damned - Lestat’s modern-era rock career wakes the Queen of the Vampires and she has this awesome Radical Feminist idea for world peace. She’s already gotten started on it! She upgrades Lestat physically so that he can help her accomplish her goals, but he’s not really on board. They meet with the vampires she has allowed to survive her purge and it doesn’t go very well. Also in this book, we have different narrators, more about the vampire origin story, and the Armand/Daniel ship is sailing at its best here.

4. The Tale of the Body Thief - Having suffered so much through the past 3 books, Lestat is a suicidal hamburger-brained moron and makes some very bad choices. Despite everyone advising him NOT to, Lestat makes a terrible trade with a body thief and learns quickly that he had idealized being human. He does some horrendous stuff, and wants off the Being Human ride. He has one friend who helps him set things back to the way they should be, and then he betrays that friend in a spectacularly cruel way. More importantly, Lestat also gets a wonderful cuddly doggo.

5. Memnoch the Devil - Lestat Goes to Heaven and Hell, meets Jesus Christ, meets God, meets Satan (who prefers to go by “Memnoch”) it’s all a huge interview process to decide if Lestat might work for God or Satan and it’s basically fanfic of the Bible. Some people hated it for those reasons. I found it really intriguing, bc it presents a reason why God created the earth, and why there’s suffering, why God allows suffering to go on, and where religion comes from. Like Lestat, Memnoch says he’s not the antagonist, but really the good guy in all this. When Dorothy gets back to Kansas Lestat returns to earth, there is disagreement about whether he went on a real trip or he was just fooled by a really talented spirit. Lestat is so confused that he throws a huge tantrum and then gets solitary confinement, then slips into a coma.

6. The Vampire Armand - Armand gets his spotlight and gets to really tell his story, do we believe everything he tells us? Lots of good Italy times stuff. Armand visits Lestat in his coma-state, and talks about that, too.

7. Merrick - Merrick is a Mayfair witch in NOLA who bewitches Louis in pursuit of his request for closure with Claudia, and hilarity ensues. Louis gets the most screentime he’s had since IWTV, but the whole book is told from a 3rd wheel’s POV, it would have been so much better from Louis’ or Merrick’s POV. Major fatal thing happens but fortunately Lestat wakes up from his coma in time to save the day.

8. Blood and Gold - Marius tells his story, as does the vampire Thorne tell his own story. Marius talks about his artistic influences and his experience with the early Talamasca and Santino and the Children of Satan. We see Daniel (now living with Marius) under a kind of spell, which Marius says is temporary.

9. Blackwood Farm - Lestat goes to the Deep South and hears the story of vampire Quinn (his story defies summary) and, with Merrick’s help, saves the day.

10. Blood Canticle - More vampire and Mayfair mixing. And Taltos. It’s a very big WTF book. But it has some very funny scenes and lines in it. It ends with Lestat promising the Dark Gift to someone.

11. Prince Lestat - Vampire scientists. A clone. Someone gets kidnapped. Ultimate Vampire Coven Gathering. Lestat is cranky, saves the day anyway. Ghosts apparently can linger on earth after death and make bodies for themselves. Characters from past books reappear. New characters are introduced. Louis writes a chapter about how OK fine, he does love Lestat. FINE.

12. Prince Lestat and the Realms of Atlantis - I haven’t finished this but basically… the REAL vampire origin story, and it involves bird-like aliens, who were sent to earth bc the aliens feed on the suffering of mortals. The bird-like aliens didnt want to create Atlantis. in fact they were pissed because this one creature of theirs, Amel, made Atlantis with the Luracastria (i dunno i think thats how it’s spelled) and their viewing tech couldn’t see through the material. Amel made Atlantis to spite the bird-like aliens omg i cant believe im typing this. Louis and Lestat finally have some legit canon cuddletimes.

- Pandora - the story of the vampire Pandora, and why Marius is bad at relationships. Lots of good Roman times stuff.

- Vittorio - is not a VC vampire, and wants nothing to do with that dysfunctional pile of fanged crazies. @monstersinthecosmos and @vittoriathevampire could give you a better summary of that one, since I didn’t absorb it too well :P

#Anonymous #anon #ask #vc synopsis #always reblog vc synopsis #vc #vampire chronicles #iwantmyiwtv headcanon #iwantmyiwtv has opinions #your headcanon may vary #hyperbeeb #vraik #monstersinthecosmos #vittoriathevampire #Unreliable Narrator #retcon #spoilers #princelestat #princelestatspoilers

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hekateinhell · 2 years ago

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NSFW prompt: A/L hate sex that turns into love making, kissing bruises (hurt/comfort sounds like a good idea rn)

For the NSFW prompts. Armand/Lestat, post-canon, rated E (bruising, implied impact play, PTSD, me RUDELY referencing both Armand and Lestat's awful pasts).

“Armand, say something.” It’s a command, even though it comes out of Lestat’s mouth like a plea. Mon chèri, please.

He’s gone too far this time. Much too far.

But Armand didn’t exactly… stop him either. He was supposed to enforce the limits, let Lestat know when he was crossing that line — the point of no return.

Hard to trust one such as Armand. Harder still to trust himself around Armand.

And now here they were.

Armand tucking his face into a pillow, unmoving. His body is painted with bruises, bruises that are suspiciously shaped like Lestat’s handprints.

Dark blood blooming beneath his skin in blushes of purple, green, and blue; a stark contrast to his marble white complexion. From his rounded cheeks that are hidden, all the way down his spine and pelvis, finishing off at his thighs and calves. A mortal would’ve been killed from the sheer force after the second blow, snapped clean in half.

Don’t hold back with me, you coward! I am not a doll to break! Armand had snarled.

So Lestat hadn’t held back.

And Armand had broken.

Vampiric healing certainly speeds up the process, the earlier marks already beginning to fade in front of Lestat’s very eyes.

Doesn’t change the facts though.

That Armand kept goading him on (surely he must’ve known he was playing with fire?) until Lestat’s darker instincts took hold. How exquisite, how freeing, how absolutely liberating!

The notion of being desired even as his darkest self almost too delectable to bear. Whatever Lestat had to offer, Armand matched him with feverish enthusiasm. Hardly a surprise, really — that such a vicious, impassioned, obsessive creature would make such a bewitching playmate.

Armand’s mind echoed his own sentiments back to him — how beautiful he found Lestat in his abandon, how ruthless he could be, how he appreciated the animalistic predator in him.

Ever the performer, Armand knew just what to say and more importantly, how to say it; in honeyed words and obscene moans. And this is where the mistake had been made.

Infamous for never learning his lesson, Lestat had permitted this ardor (blood and otherwise) to govern his decisions and he’d taken Armand at his word. That Armand wanted to be treated this way, that he could handle it. A lie at worst and a miscalculation at best.

He'd heard a bone break at the same time a child's anguished cry rang out in his mind through the dim lustful haze, Armand's entire body going rigid without ever actually uttering a sound; his thoughts closing off to Lestat as soon as he realized what he had done.

Lestat's not a complete fool; he can piece together the recollection Armand's envisioning. Darkness, grease, the hull of a ship, too many men's hands on places they shouldn't be...

In a different way, Lestat's no stranger to having his autonomy violated as well. He shakes his head rapidly to dismiss the thought; now is blatantly not the time!

There's a slow wave of anger working its way through his gut as well; how remarkably unpleasant. Anger at himself for overplaying his hand, anger at Armand for encouraging it, for leading Lestat to believe this was a release he could pursue.

“Leave then.” The coven master has spoken, just cold and detached as the specter that lived in Lestat's memory.

He wants to, every bit as desperately as he doesn't. “Like hell.” What do you take me for? he wants to ask, knowing full well what Armand does take him for.

If Armand hears the question Lestat isn't bothering to hide, he does not acknowledge it. The bones have mended now, and only the freshest of the bruises remain. Plum fading out to burgundy fading out to nothingness.

Quite captivating actually, and under more usual circumstances, Lestat would take a moment or two to appraise his handiwork as an artist appraises a masterpiece. But for now, he simply curls besides his old friend, tentatively fitting his hand right over the handprint he'd left in the middle of Armand's lower back.

Let me make it better, he thinks. Polish you up with kisses the way I've always wanted to.

“I don't suppose I would fetch a pretty penny looking like this,” Armand replies. Lestat winces at the implication; however, it's not a refusal. Good enough.

He presses an open-mouthed kiss to Armand's shoulder blade — that mark has almost faded. He did the same to the other shoulder and worked his way down the sides of Armand's ribcage, pausing to include the slight indentations just above the enticing curves of his buttocks.

At some point, Armand's breathing has returned; the defensive tension starting to ebb from his muscles as he arches up against Lestat's face like an animal in heat. His hole, still open and loose from before, flutters in anticipation.

It's clear what Armand wants, what he thinks he needs to establish his equilibrium again.

And Lestat will give it to him. This, he can make better.

*somehow more plot(??) than porn, idk what happened I'm sorry. Starting a bingo chart for myself because I really tend to overuse phrases like “open-mouthed kiss” and “fluttering hole” and whathaveyou. It is what it is. 🥹

#armand/lestat #i’m feeling them so hard lately lmao this such a hot and volatile ship with such a potential for sweetness #i have two more prompts to catch up on lol this was fun <3 #prompts

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